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See Current contributions.
See Nov 97 contributions.
See Oct 97 contributions.
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Wed Dec 31 07:47:04 1997
F30 in GAUTENG, TRANSVAAL =SOUTH AFRICA=
Email: <hentrade-at-iafrica.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: SELF EMPLOYED
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a gun; Aged: 31.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the most lonely experiences of all
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I cried heartbreakingly for hours on end. Even now, more than 11
years after the second sister died, I get very down and cry about
her and my other sister and brother.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was just before my thirteenth birthday.
My sister went to Namiba with her second husband. There was an
accident and she was killed by a gun.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fear that I will also die soon.
--What I think my (SOUTH AFRICA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to listen to the bereaved. Not to say things like: I will never
behave in this way. If you have not experienced the grief of
someone dying, you do not know what it is like.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mother
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the utter loneliness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
forgive and forget. Never hold a grudge.
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
never hold a grudge. Forgive
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
just thought of little things my sister did throughout her life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
speak to my sister because we had a major argument and I had'nt
spoken to her for about a year. A week before her death she phoned
me and invited me to visit her. I never got around to do it.
I just wish that wherever she is now, that she will forgive me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money. It does't bring happiness. My sister died even after her
husband's business became a success. Her unhappiness still stayed.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of my sisters and brother and how I miss them. They were
very good friends to me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have persons to talk to about my fears, sadness and anger.
At this moment, I have my mother for this, for which I am very
thankful. But I have closed up a lot since the deaths. I don't
trust anyone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I was suicidal and so was my sister. Then one day I was phoned to
say she was in the hospital with a gun wound to her head. I know
if sounds cold, but I felt cheated. Thereafter, I just wondered
when am I dying? Why am I the only sibling alive?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be 12 years old again. Before DEATH came into my and my family's
life
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt a deep emptiness and confusionPhone
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
desperation and relief. The relief that there are people that talk
to you and help you in that way, but then there are drugs given to
you, as in my case, because I am a depressive.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't belong to a church, although I believe greatly in God.
Without His help, and my mother's and daughter's, I wouldn't have
made it.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like God has a plan for all of us and we are tested with trials in
our life and how we cope.
--Regarding MONEY:
it means nothing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that people who were judgemental of the people who died, are very
complimentary about the way there were when they lived.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Depression. Never mistake the symptoms. Always listen to a person
who is depressed. If not, they will feel even more worhtless and
could commit suicide.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I never experienced this myself, but my sisters two husbands, had
both been visited by their respective wifes.
My mother saw my
brother on a bench with me after his funeral.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
my mother has experience NDE. She saw the most beautiful bright
light and felt so pieceful. She did not want to come back. But she
had this "feeling" that she has to come back. She did.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I never had an opportunity to visit with my sister and asked for
her forgiveness. I don't know how to resolve it. I suppose that
will only happen once I die as well.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say I am sorry. I would have visited more often. I wouldn't
have had petty fights.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not scared of death. Only the way I'll die. But, after my
last sister died, I had this awful feeling that I will also die,
because I can't be the only sibling alive. But now, I have come
to accept that when you die, it was your time and God had a plan.
I believe in God and that has helped me a greath deal to deal with
this pain.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went horseriding on my horse. To this day, whenever I feel
depressed or angry, I go for a ride on my horse, and it clears my
head and lifts my grief and depression.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I hate seeing a "funeral" scene on TV. I usually get up and walk
out the room. I hate guns. I can't bear to touch them. I suppose
it has something to do with all three of my sisters dying because
of guns.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
I actually didn't. I have consequently lost my brother and other
sister also
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Depression
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Not very well. I started crying. All the old feelings of guilt
and lonliness came flooding back.
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Thu Jan 1 03:23:53 1998
F15 in , Queensland =Australia=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
under 'questionnaire'
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: about 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
where all bodily functions cease to function (except hair and
nail growth for a short period of time). There is no afterlife
or anything like that -unfortunately- and it is simply a state
of total unawareness where the personality/soul (?) of the person
decays along with the material body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not fully understand what it meant. It took some time to accustom
to it, and I cried when I finally realised that I would never see
that person again. As mentioned above, I was quite young at the
time. I remember having dreams about snakes crawling around my bed,
ready to bite my limbs if I was careless enough to expose them from
the protection of the bedcovers.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died. We had visited her a
year or so before hand, and had expected it to be the last time
we would see her.(She lived a fair distance away from my family)
I don't remember very much, as I was quite young at the time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
hearing my mother talking on the phone, and being able to guess
from her tone of voice and body language that someone had died. I
went away hoping it was not my great-aunt June, but having a sinking
feeling that it was. She had not been sick before hand, but I just
remember thinking that.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that religion is simply a method of catering to human
insecurities. Although it is a beautiful thought, an afterlife seems
very unlikely - just something made up a long time ago by someone
to comfort those mourning the death of a loved one. I guess I could
be labled as a 'wistful unbeliever'.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I acquired a depth of thought and became more in touch with
emotion because of early exposure to death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
that those who died were of a ripe old age and had lived full
lives. The thing that scares me most about death is that I won't be
able to experience...well, life, anything! It scares me that truly
great people are going to be forgotten... it's that really pathetic
fear of the enormity of infinity and my own - even mankind's -
insignificance in the big scheme of things. It would be nice to
believe in an afterlife because of that, but I can't.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
See above.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Didn't experince hysteria. Sorry.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know them better. Everyone probably says that, but I hate
the thought that some wisdom, just something special was lost and
won't ever be recovered.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not cry (during the death of my great aunt). I guess that shows I
have some kind of control over my emotions. Or maybe I'm just good
at repression...? I have no idea.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The phone call came. All of my experiences with death have occurred
over the phone, as we live in a different state to all of our
relatives. (From both sides of the family.)
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The tradtions of death. I don't think black clothing or anything like
that is necessary, or even to have a grave. Well, maybe something
to comemorate the person, but in doing that they become one of the
faceless masses anyway. Just one of the names on the headstones,
all uniform in their neat rows.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I personally don't experience thiis, but my friend connects strongly
the death of her favourite uncle to the song 'The Rose'. I think
it was played at his funeral, but every time my friend hears it
she bursts into tears.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that shallow, trivial people are often more remembered (historically,
as in the long term) than people with integrity. I just hope that
such 'good'(?) people make a large impression of others, and are
carried on in memerory that way.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing. How disappointing...
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How detached I was. I'm not really sure if it was a good thing
or not.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Nope, sorry.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't think anyone except me can help with the anxieties that I'm
feeling. It's up to me to make my life worth... something. Enough
so that when I'm on my deathbed I can comfort myself and others
by saying that I've had a worthwhile life, that I've experienced
everything that matters.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
At the moment, I'm totally scared. I'd love to be able to say that
I'm not afraid of death, but I'm just afraid that everything that
ever happened is worth nothing. I guess it is...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Is this sort of thing a crude form of religion? Is this how religion
started? Sounds kind of possible.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I was shocked by the fact that I would never see her again (I am
not religious), and that I would never get the chance to know her
well. I didn't fully realise this until a few months after her death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I guess I've thought about this sort of thing before, but I've
never written my thoughts down, or organised them at least. Maybe
this was good for me...?
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You might want to be a little bit less specific in some of your
questions. It might help those answering the questions to feel that
the questions are more personalised, as they will apply to more
people and allow for different interpretations. I felt excluded
from some of the questions, and if others feel that way they might
not be as responsive as they could be.
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Thu Jan 1 03:22:50 1998
M21 in dallas, texas =u.s.=
Name: david
Email: <wesb-at-cyberramp.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: professional knight
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 12.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our bodies cease to function any longer, we expire and we no
longer continue in the state of matter that we presently exist
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 12 when my closest friend had a bunk bed fall on her. she was
crushed and apparently died instantly
--That first time, how it happened was
a very good friend of mine was crushed by a bed that fell on her
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother not letting me go to the funeral to say my
goodbyes...visiting her parents and helping to comfort them...telling
myself that i would alwwaays keep her alive in my mind so i wouldnt
have to say goodbye
--What I think my (u.s.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i don't know my views on death come from me and they vary from just
saying that shit happens and it was ment to be to rembering their
life and using the good memories to comfort me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
supporting others because i was forced to take an opptomistic
viewpoint so i could encourage others to be opptomistic
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to say goodbye...there was no set ending that i
could move on from
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i tried to think of the last time i saw her...what was said,what
we were doing,what she looked like,ect.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i've never felt the urge to laugh about it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing... i have no regrets about our relationship previous to
her death
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep myself from having an emotional breakdown
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
huh??
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
huh??
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i realize thati can't rember the last time i thought about her
(like now) and i think that once again she died (in my mind) and
i didn't get to say goodbye
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i don't think my life would have been altered but i wonder what
might have become of her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
looked at it from a purely logical standpoint i didn't really feel
anything i just did what i had to do to deal with it
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing whatsoever
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
nothing whatsoever
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the fact that i took a purely logical standpoint at such a your age
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
i found that supporting others that were hurt by the death forced
me to be stronger
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
she went to the same school, played on the same team, ect. as myself
so it was impossible to avoid things that reminded me of her
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Wed Dec 31 18:36:05 1997
F29 in Frazier Park, California =United States=
Name: Michelle David
Email: <MichelleDavid-at-excitemail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The BIBLE
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
GOD
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: divine interception; Aged: 29.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is never knowing GOD.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was walking through a graveyard, and came across a cetain
stone. As I read his name, a feeling of sadness came over me. I had
never met him before, yet I felt somehow connected to him. It was as
if he were a part of me. I knew how he died before I was told. The
girl who died with him, had the same name and birthday as me. It
was very uncanny. I ended up meeting his dad and brother. It made
me happy to give comfort to his grieving family. I still visit his
grave to this day.
--That first time, how it happened was
There was a fireball in the kitchen. IT never had a chance in HELL
of surviving. The last sound I heard were the hoofs walking across
the wooden floor.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It shocked the HELL out of me, and one should never underestimate
the power of GOD.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is never knowing GOD. Everything you do, whether it be good
or evil will be judged. After you die, your soul still thinks,
feels, and retains it's memory. Just because you don't possess
a house made of flesh; doesn't mean you are free from your
senses. The power of one's mind is able to produce real images of
your life. It's like a movie that you play back for yourself. For
some, its a horror movie filled with your own demons. For others,
it's a comedy that turns into tragedy. Then there's the kind that
has a little bit of evrything in it. It's like one big melting
pot. Your life plays over and over again...each time getting worse
and worse. The memory that burns within you is hotter than the
fires of HELL. Then the harsh reality of truth hits you like a
ton of bricks....your memory is HELL.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I had IT exorcised from my SOUL. IT is whatever separates you
from GOD.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
GOD,HIMSELF.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing people for what they truly are.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tell them about GOD. When one knows GOD, death is just going home.
--[My Neighbor's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
There is nothing that I miss about IT. I have no regrets or
guilt...GOD took care of that for me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Everything got criss-crossed. I didn't know who's voice to
listen to. It was like I was spinning, and being led in different
directions. Then GOD took my hand, and showed me the way. Always
listen to GOD, FATHER knows best.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter lightens any load.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Send a fish to every member of my family.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I was thankful that I trusted in the LORD. In Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine
own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall
direct thy paths."
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
There was fire at midnight; in a town spiritually known as 7th
Heaven.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The element of danger involved.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I read the BIBLE or hear a beautiful song.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be suffering for nothing. Things most likely would have
remained the same. I would still be sad and blue, blindly believing
that people love unconditionally.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That death is something we face alone. Yet, there is nothing fair
in this world. Who are we anyway... to say what's fair and what
isn't? GOD only has that right.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Taste DEATH once more, but for good this time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was so greatful for GOD'S love and mercy. It passes all
understanding.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I can't believe how damn expensive ambulence rides are!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Absolutely nothing. I believe that everyone should have a personal
relationship with GOD.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Every Spirit is not the same. For the few, who have the promise of
salvation...they will receive the Comforter. It is a misconception
to think that GOD will give HIS HOLY SPIRIT to everyone. The
Comforter and the HOLY SPIRIT are two separate SPIRITS. The HOLY
SPIRIT is only for the SON of GOD. There are many other spirits,
all having different personalities. Spiritual decernment is a gift,
which only can come from GOD.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was the root of all evil. It's amazing that mankind will value
money over human life.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There should have been more flowers.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How deeply I was involved with the DEVIL, HIMSELF. In a unique way,
HE was a friend of mine, and still is. Before anyone judges this
statement...Try walking in my shoes first.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
One should always look for the light in their eyes. The eyes are
the mirror of the soul.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I Corinthians 14:10 "There are , it may be, so many kinds of voices
in the world, and none of them is without sign- ification." In
I Corinthians 15:48 "As is the earthy, such are they also that
are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are
heavenly."
Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not
there. At one time or another, everyone has had an experience that
can't be explained.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
There are no such things as accidents. Everything happens for a
reason. The LORD works in mysterious ways, and we need to trust
in HIM. A little faith goes a long, long, way. To the skeptics
who don't believe: there will be a time when you do. It will be
too late by then. People should know that GOD means what HE
says in the BIBLE. HE takes things very seriously...too bad the
world doesn't. Heaven mirrors the earth...we all have a reflection
which is our true self. When one dies, they see themselves for
the first time. They are forever joined by the MATCHMAKER in
HEAVEN. There is no escaping from yourself, so you should do some
serious soul-searching. When someone says, "I hope you can live
with yourself." That's exactly what you'll have to do when you
die. It's GOD'S PERFECT JUDGEMENT.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My neighbor has been destroyed forever. There's no looking back.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
The dead can hear every word we say. So, be careful of what you
say. Sometimes we can hear their voices in the wind. At other
times, they speak through the trees. If one would stop and just
listen....the mysteries of nature will reveal their secrets.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It doesn't matter what people thought of you, all that really
matters...is what GOD thought.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only
begotton Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish,
but have everlasting life."
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I set my eyes on GOD, and seek HIS ways. Only GOD can give you an
inner peace that soothes the soul.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I read the BIBLE every single day. GOD is always on my mind 24
hours of the day.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I like your questionnaire, it allows the beauty of true
expression. Some of the most beautiful works of art come from
tragedy.
Shall We Share Your Comments?: Feel free to share
Identify You?: Show whatever you like.
Wed Dec 31 18:36:05 1997
F29 [student]; located in Frazier Park, California.
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Tue Dec 30 13:33:00 1997
M46 in Alexandria, Virginia =United States of America=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Maxims
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Le Duc de la Rouchfoucauld
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the irreversable cessation of all physical and analytical function.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
stared coldly without any emotion about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
Death of President John F. Kennedy when I was 12.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how incredibly happy I was that this turd of a human being (my brother) was dead.
How the death of this parasite was better news than anything I
could have ever asked for. How great poetic justice is--and how
we should not wish for vengeance, should not wish the power to
effect vengeance.
--What I think my (United States of America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to be afraid of it! The World War II generation is bankrupting
this country, racking up trillobux of debt, because they are afraid
of dying--and they suck $90,000 to $150,000 into the grave during
their last weeks of life. You can bet this kind of waste won't
be available to those of us born after 1950! It is UNGRATEFUL
and CANNIBALISTIC to be afraid of death, the natural and final act
of life. Death is a spiritual entity--an ally--that stands
just to your left--this is the one and only spiritual entity that
can manifest itself in your life at will without sucking energy
from you. DEATH WILL NEVER LIE TO YOU. It has the time and the
patience to be honest with you.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the poetic justice in the death of a truly unworthy human being--and
the way his death will cause to suffer the very unfair people who
most favored him. Death is a RIGHTING OF THE SCALES.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
That my life-long best friend knows that I love him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I was locked out of the process and found out about it much
later on my own.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't kid him with false hope. Try to get him to accept death
fully. Then DEATH THE ALLY will teach him something the dying can
communicate to loved ones.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
couldn't stop laughing about it for a year.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wondered if he'd committed suicide, a possibility that made me
furious with my parents. Only the "cause of death" on the death
certificate itself abated this suspicious rage.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I thank God I went ahead and laughed out loud. This is the "opening"
to an honest conversation with your only true spiritual ally, DEATH.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
physically beat him up for the things he'd blamed me for and the
raps he had recklessly pinned on me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get away from my blood family at a young age and get out from
under their vampirish hynotic power. This allowed me to react
appropriately to the final news.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
things fussily important to him were misstated on his death
certificate.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
his status as a father and husband--two empty games he played
listlessly and with obvious tedium.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
No. No. No. Some people deserve early death, and over four
years after the event, there have been no tears except for those
of merriment about it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
And I want to burn down the Betty Crocker cake box in which that
alternative reality exists, because straight away it becomes a
nightmare of phoniness and surreal cruelty. Instead, it's good to
be back to reality.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
No. No. I never felt this death was unfair.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
laughed. And I accepted the terrible pain that came a year later
when I was disabled for weeks and unable to work. I was able to
distinguish death from VICTORY or DEFEAT, two empty concepts with
which it has no resemblance whatsoever.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
feeling ripped off by the hospital, the funeral home, etc.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no such contact.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
exactly right. To the point that death shows how artificial and
phony our culture is.
--Regarding MONEY:
money was the consuming lust of the departed. He had enough to
bury himself properly and his greedy wife cremated him.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
wasn't invited.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the Grim Reaper appeared to me in a dream several months before
the death and told me it was coming.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he was irreligious in the extreme. He died and there has been no
spiritual contact. THis whole topic stinks with latent bunko.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Near death experiences are a sort of sexual ecstasy of
sentimentality. Pilots and those in low oxygen environments
are trained specifically to snap out of it when drawn into this
comatose mood. The religiousity and love experienced here is ersatz.
It is falling in love with being high, which is neither spiritual
love nor appreciation with life.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel glad he's dead and glad I've stopped laughing about it.
I don't trust ANYONE to help me with my feelings.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say, and it's the truth, "I'm on to you. I've figured
you out. I know your game and have not squealed on you simply for
personal honor of my own." So that he'd die in as much resentment
and anger and fear as possible. So that his soul might eventually
escape the land of the drooling gorks in which it planted itself.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
These wishes should be respected even if you despise the person
and find the wishes inconvenience, expensive or insipid.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I think about death frequently. Were I to die soon, I would
change NOTHING. I have made a video tape (at a studio) to "speak
from beyond the grave" to those who attend my funeral.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
my dog guards my spirit as I sleep each night.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Going to the funeral (an historic occasion) and listening to others
was vital
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Cold and clinical experience, like coughing to check for hernias.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Dec 29 12:50:06 1997
F15 in London, =Great Britian=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
searched Questionnaires using Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 3 years ago.
Cause of Death: Gunshot to the head (self inflicted); Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the inevitable.......
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my Nanny died of a stroke
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Other fans of Kurt Cobain talking to me........
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i'd never see my Nan again and never get to see Kurt and
know his daughter would never know him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
kill myself
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
go jump
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
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Sun Dec 28 22:09:22 1997
F35 in Camden, Oh =USA=
Name: Sue Dill
Email: <godill-at-infinet.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Homemaker
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our lives on earth. Our spirit is reunited with God in
heaven until a later time when we will all be together again
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand what was happening.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my Grandfather died of cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The feeling of loss. Shock.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We are the ones who are in pain not those that we have lost.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
there was very minimal suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
that the person I lost knew how much that I loved her
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to visit or here her voice
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Letting them know you love them
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Am glad that she she is in a better place
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The last breath. It is very difficult to watch. What happens exactly
at that time. What is going on inside the dying persons head.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My emotions were out of control
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with them when they knew that I was there. And that
I cared so much for them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Let them know I loved them before their deaths.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Certain dates approach
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would spend more time with them
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they wanted to live.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with them where they are
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried very hard to help those around me. It helped me to help them.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
When it is your time it really is.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They tried to show too much grief. It didn't feel natural
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
believing in something better at a later time
--Regarding MONEY:
It's one more burden on top of everything else.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The feeling of coldness.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Putting the casket into the ground
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Difficulty in breathing. Consciousness. Sounds.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
This did occur. They felt they were going home to be with other
loved ones until the rest of us joined them. And they were ready.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I just wish that we would have been together more.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Tel them what an impact that they had on my life. How much they
mean to me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Try to grant them their wishes. They wouldn't have brought it up if
they didn't want it. They trust us to help or they wouldn't tell us.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid. Better things wait us. I would hope not to suffer. It
is a natural process. Just hope for it to be quick.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
People don't want to suffer. I don't I wouldn't wish that on
anyone. When they have had too much pain let them go. You will see
them again. They won't ever hurt again.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Treat your loved ones as if this is their last day. You won't have
anything to feel guilty about then if it is.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Helpful. Thought provoking.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
What can one do to help others involved. It helps to help others.
[Ed Note: Good idea... included now in the questionnaire.]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Dec 28 01:00:36 1997
F23 in CA =USA
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: plane crash; Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passage from this earth to perhaps another life or place like
heaven
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and I cried a lot and took a couple of years to feel like
I had really recovered
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was our babysitters were an elderly couple and the
husband died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling like I wanted to die as well. I continued to go about my
regular daily activities because my friends basically forced me to
but I felt like I was sleepwalking through my life and I could fall
apart at any moment
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned to value my loved ones and to take advantage of the time
I have with them
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends holding me while I sobbed and writing in my journal
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
waking up each morning to the realization that he was dead and that
I could never talk to him again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't be afraid to laugh
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have become a stronger person because of it. My emotional limits
have been tested and I survived, even though I absolutely *knew*
I wouldn't make it through
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the rest of the world could go on as if nothing had happened when
my entire world had been turned inside-out
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him that I always loved him and that he impacted my life for
the better more than almost anyone else I've known and that I was
truly and wholly blessed to have shared my life with him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
write the last letter to him telling him that he would always be
in my heart and he would always be a part of me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was reminded of him in an unexpected way and smiled rather than
cried for the first time
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember the moment I first heard that he was dead I think about
a new boyfriend or close friend dying
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would treasure each moment with him because now I know what it's
like not to have him. I would be more open, telling him that I
love him as much as possible
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he had barely lived he was so young he was so full of life
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hold him one more time and tell him I love him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
regretted not saying the things I had always wanted to tell him,
about how much I loved him and how much he meant to me
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I felt betrayed. I was very strong in my faith when it happened
and I drifted farther away from religion than I had ever been and
I haven't gotten much closer since then
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel like I've resolved pretty much everything. I needed him to
know how much he meant to me and I feel like I did that
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I would lie in bed and imagine that he were still alive and I would
see us doing boring everyday things like eating lunch together. I
would also lie in the middle of my driveway and talk to his star,
that I designated for him. I would talk to the star as if it were
him and it made me feel like he was really there listening to me
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk to him all the time and I feel like he talks back to
me in his own way, by playing certain songs on the radio or putting
thoughts in my head
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Dec 28 00:19:44 1997
F18 in Reno, NV =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: lifeguard, premed, doctor
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a horrible thing that takes people away from us. We think that we
know where they are going, but we don't. The only ones who know
are the ones who cannot share with us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not know what to do. I denied it, and then accepted. I cried
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a friend's brother was killed. He was out w/
friends, drinking, in the back of a driving truck. Truck fish-tailed
and rolled right on top of him, did not kill him instantly
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
thinking what the hell do I do for my best friend now that her mom
is dead. Everyone pulled away, but me.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
don't leave the survivors alone, yeah it is hard to think of what
to do for them, but don't leave them alone. They need someone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My best friend became her own person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends, just knowing they were there b/c I was close to my best
friend's mom.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The feeling of being lost. The what-do-I-do-now deal. And what
would they do and what does she think of me now...
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
telling them that you love them.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was there for my friend through the whole thing and she is very
happy now that I was there for her 2 years ago.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw her dead body in the casket. She just did not look dead.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was extremely nervous and that was how I dealt with it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Make sure that Becky had gotten to say good-bye to her mom.
Closure is a big deal.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be allowed to be there for my friend, she didn't push me away.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
they fixed her up, no bruises, all made up, and her hair was done...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
It was her fault
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think how much she meant to everyone and how she held everyone
together mentally and physically. Everyone has gone downhill since
her death. (the mother)
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My friend might not be so dependent. All the childrens' lives and
the husband's lives would all be less stressful and messed up.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she died and she still had such young children
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be in her spot and let her live. She has influenced so many more
people than I ever have.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just started crying, I could not breathe, see, move, or anything.
It was the worst feeling I had felt at that point in my life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They tried, but not hard enough.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
They (their church, mormon) supported them with food (for over a
year), emotional support, and physical support.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i feel none
--Regarding MONEY:
money did not matter, she deserved the best
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how upset everyone really was
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
just the feeling of her not being there anymore, the simplest
of things.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
closed eyes
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
none.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask her if it hurt. I think that she was in horrendous
pain and that makes it even worse.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't want anyone to have to worry when I die, I want everything
reserved and payments made, so no money problems, or problems
picking out caskets, or urns or any burial stuff.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I were to die very soon, I would be sure to do everything I
ever wanted to do; buy a new truck, go bungee jumping, parasailing,
go to Hawaii, do a backhandspring, snowboarding, downhill skiing,
horseback riding, and all that good stuff.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I had none, but my friend started wearing all the clothes of her
mother's that fit her. (her mother died)
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me sad again. Not as bad as all the other times, but made
me sad.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Dec 26 13:38:04 1997
F23 in brooklyn, new york =usa=
Email: <jperez-at-alliancebnk.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: head teller at a bank
More personal info:
if you choose the poem it does not say who it is by but it's up tp
you it's always helped me
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle; Aged: 26.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A way that god lets us know he needs us for better things in this
life. We live dour live sa now it's time to go to a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Did not know what to do. I was young and nieve
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandmother. Died of liver diease
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
pain, of not knowing if he was killed by accident or on purpose
and why?
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Nothing to my knowledge
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the generousity of the one's you love and cherish with all their
support and help.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the question WHY?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Dec 26 09:10:28 1997
F25 in Orlando, FL =USA=
Name: Heather
Email: <heather-at-cs.ucf.edu>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Graduate Secretary at a University
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of life (no more breathing, walking, talking, etc).
It's final and unavoidable. There is nothing one can do to stop the
act of dying - it's just something we all know will happen one day
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 3 years old - all I know is (from stories of family) that it
was my great grandmother that died. We had a 3 hour car ride to
her funeral. I rode with my grandma, grandpa (who's mom it was)
and parents - my grandpa had to make frequent stops along the side
of the road so I could get sick.
--That first time, how it happened was
My paternal grandfather suffered miserably for 1 1/2 years with
terminal colon cancer (that eventually spread throughout his body).
He died just before my 10th birthday at night while I slept in the
room next door and my mom, dad, and grandma sat with him. My dad
(who at the time was living 4.5 hours away - his job made him move
and my mom and I stayed behind because of my grandpa) woke me up
in the early hours of morning - and just seeing my dad there told
me my grandpa was dead.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock my mother and I faced walking into my grandparents house
just after the hearse pulled away. We had no idea my grandfather
had died - we were going to visit for the day.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's ok, acceptable, and healthy for all members of our culture
- men and women - to deal with death and morn. This includes being
able to cry openly.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing I have two of the best guardian angels on my side to take
care of me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the love of my parents
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
learning to say goodbye and remembering them without feeling sad.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
always try to make them as comfortable as possible - don't think
about how bad you're hurting, worry about them and make them feel
"good."
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I tried to remember that they would never again walk through the
door, call on the phone, tease me, etc.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a natural reaction to the stress and a way to let all my
mixed up feelings out.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye. Walking in and finding out my grandfather was gone
was the worst feeling I've ever had - I never got to say I love
you or goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stay "sane" and stable for my mom.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I kissed my grandpas cheek before they closed the casket.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that he died in his sleep
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I experience another "momentous" occasion in my life and they aren't
there to share it. Like graduating from high school, college,
my 16th birthday, etc.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My life would still be where it is today - I would just have a few
more loved/cherished people to share all the good and bad with.
I'd also have a slightly stronger family unit - my paternal
grandfather left behind a giant hole in my dad - which has had
effects on my family at times.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my grandfather was taken from my family so early in my life
and that he'll never see me graduate, get married, have kids.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for what seemed like days - trying to make the hurt in my
heart go away as fast as possible.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hatred - there was nothing the medical community could do then
(or even now) for my grandfather
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
too young at time to recall
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
too young at time to remember
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
enlightening - knowing I have wonderful angels watching over only me.
--Regarding MONEY:
not at all important
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
too young at time to recall
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
actually getting it through my brain that this person was no longer
the living breathing loving person I knew only moments before
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
can't honestly think of any
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
have no awareness of this
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't think all my issues with my grandfather's will ever
be resolved. Mainly because for both of them, I didn't have
the opportunity to say I love you, I'll miss you, and goodbye.
There was no real closure for me with either of them and there is
nothing/noone that can change that. It's just a fact that I will
have to deal with forever.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd say: I love you, I will always remember you, I will do my
best to make you proud, and goodbye. They'd say: I love you,
you've always made me proud, I will always be with you. I think
it would make me less "angry" for not being able to say them.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think if a person (who is dying) wants to dye - has signed a right
to die kind of thing - then they should. Why prolong your own pain,
and the pain of your loved ones to be "morally" correct? Issues
to take care of is to make sure that such papers like rights to
die are signed before anything happens.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't think about my own mortality. All I know is that when I die,
I hope I get the chance to say goodbye to those most important to
me and let them know how much I love them and how I will be watching
them from heaven.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
whenever I return to the town my paternal grandfather is buried in -
no matter what time of year, or the weather - I visit his grave and
tell him all about my life at the time. It hurts me to be there,
knowing he is not with me physically, but makes me feel closer to
him once again.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
`
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
young age
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a very good questionnaire that helped me remember that I do
still love my grandfathers, miss them terribly, and unfortunately
am still very angry at them for leaving me. I have some issues
(with anger and dealing with death) that need to be worked on a
little more.
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Thu Dec 25 22:55:27 1997
Anonymous Canadienne Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I was actually looking for contests on the web but the search also included your site.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of one's misery that living day to day seems to create.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
became overwhelmed with only the good things that person did.
It's funny how we cannot seem to appreciate someone until they're
physically gone.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a very good friend of mine had an asthma
attack. The attack hsppened at her home shortly after she arrived
home from school. Nobody at school new of her asthma so her death
was a complete surprise to all of us. She seemed like a very
healthy person.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
she's finally at peace.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how it affects those who are closest to you. We never seem to
perpare ourselves for the day when someone is taken away from us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the truths that were finally voiced in my sister's journal that she
had kept for years and the suicide note she wrote not long before
taking her life. Her main question throughout her journal was why
God could love her but her own mother could not.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
that I knew this was what she truly wanted and she actually had
enough guts to do it. I may sound like a cold and morbid individual but I
know that she did this for herself and not for someone else.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
hearing about my mother's reaction to the whole incident. She simply
treated her own daughter as a complete stranger and had the audacity to
say that all of my sister's entries (into her journal) were complete lies.
It was hard to believe this woman was so stupid to forget that I was there
as were my other two sisters.
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel what she did was OK. It ended her pain and suffering.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nobody could understand why my sister needed to end the pain.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have been with her more in the 2 - 3 years before her death.
I don't think I could have really changed anything as her problems
did not involve me and I could not have fixed them. Her problems
were brought on by physical and sexual abuse as a child and young
adult that haunted her every day.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
find out why she committed suicide and that my mother had to hear
of her ugly past that she was responsible for.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my sister died when it should have been her tormentor.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt relief inside for her and let my family know of this.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a chance for me to question my beliefs. Although suicide is seen
as a major sin in my religion I still believe God will be able to
forgive my sister for wanting to end the pain she lived with for
so many years.
--Regarding MONEY:
it certainly showed the true greed and evil of my mother. My mother
did not even buy a grave stone with the insurance money received.
Instead she saw this as an opportunity for herself.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when does the spirit leave the body?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
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Thu Dec 25 14:02:06 1997
F48 in Ramsey, NJ =USA=
Name: Mary Anne
Email: <KQTR94A-at-prodigy.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Electrical Engineer
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 40yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of coporeal life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was angry and sad
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my maternal Grandfather died. I was not
allowed to be part of the process and was angry about it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being protected and kept apart
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not the worst thing in life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being sure that there is more to follow
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my beliefs
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
lack of that person's physical presence
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
retaining them in your memory...assuring that they are not forgotten
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
tie up the loose ends
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm glad the children will be self sufficient. I'm ready to go.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
life is uncertain; death is certain. It comes to all in time.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
lack of time to reflect
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
fairly useful
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
because of the length...I'm in danger of the web timing me off.
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Thu Dec 25 00:03:39 1997
M50 in Nashville, TN. of couse! =USA=
Name: DJ
Email: <tesdj-at-concentric.net>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Nurses' Home page
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Prof/Studies: QA Inspector
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 17 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Mt. St. Helens Explosion; Aged: 34.5.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Leaving our physical, earth-bound body and moving on to a higher
dimension of consciousness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
looked at him, and said (in my mind) "Oh well"
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my younger brother.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
don't remember. My mind was knumb. Other than that, "He's gone."
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It should be a joyous celebration. The spirit has moved on to a
higher plain. And, Christanity is very selfish, ego- tistical,
and it sucks. It's really the pits of all Earth's religions.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned what death really was and what it meant.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Myself and my understanding of death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My older brother was my buddy, my mentor. He looked after me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasn't. I was 2000 miles away.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealt with it. It happens. And I dealt with it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why? And ask any number of questions after that.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was correct in containing my laughter. That was for my younger
brother. As for my older brother, there was just numbness.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
You're being presumptuous in this question.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with it in a sane manner. As opposed to some people going
off the deep end.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Can't think of an answer. Weird question.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
What "he" could have been.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see my VHS movie on Mt. St. Helens.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Interesting question. I don't deal in "What ifs". Alternate reality
(and contradiction in terms) is the stuff of dreams.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Never had that thought. At least that I can recall.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
cry. I guess is a good answer. So cry, and get it out of your
system.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accepted it. It happens. Get on with life on this rock.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medics are still in their infancy.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
See above. It's the pits.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
?? In death, we shed our physical body and move on to a higher
"plane" of being.
--Regarding MONEY:
Younger brother - OK. Older brother - non-existant.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
"Cute!" But with respect for others in the family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Not strange. I learned about death!
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No, it hasn't. But, I hope it does someday. It will be interesting
to say the least.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Everything is resolved.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Go for it!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Organ donations. Not being kept alive by artificial means (now
that's cruel!)
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My own death is aleady planned out ( 2 different scenerios- it's
hard to "plan" things you know). Other than that, if I get killed
on the interstate, so be it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I visited Mt. St. Helens 16 months after she blew. Out of respect
for my brother. That was my "closure".
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
No real changes in the context of your question. My older brother
was gay, and so am I.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
It's over, done with. Get on with life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Your questionaire was nice, but I've aleady given serious thought
to all of it. I know where I stand.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No, I guess it's fine.
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Sun Dec 21 14:40:00 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
what returns us from which we came. it makes us all equal, and it
makes us all humble when looking it in the face
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to react. there in front of me was someone icared
for and loved. i just didn't know how or what to feel.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the crying, the intense felling the weirdness of it all, sort of
like a unknown empty feeling
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to learn how to accept our feelings, to learn how to accept loss,
to deal with our feelings, and to not take life for granted
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought some people closer, and forged new friendships it is
something i will never forget, and usually the mind has a tendancy
to forget painful memories, but maybe i've accepted his death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
definately friends especially the close ones
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling that i was never going to see him again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
give family resect and condolences
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealt with it, but when i think back, i still really haven't in
certain ways
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i saw the open casket wow
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i did not laugh during funeral but after the wake we all did and
it felt good sort of like taking a weight off my shoulders
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
his twin brother took it so well, he seem so composed, but I know
that he is scarred inside for life
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried just to figure things out it helped my life views and
philosophy
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Sun Dec 21 10:31:53 1997
F38 in Gainesville, Texas =USA=
Name: Alice Haney
Email: <nightbird-at-texoma.net>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
I enjoy surveys and this was a link from one
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Prof/Studies: Truckdriver, Spiritualist christian
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 24yrs ago.
Cause of Death: massive heart attack; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
not valid, merely change. there is no death
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt a cold chill up my back when told
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...neighbor died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I will miss him
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There is none, we are spiritual beings and as such cannot die
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I know there is no death, we are spirits and cannot die
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
there is no death, life is eternal
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Sun Dec 21 08:55:37 1997
F27 in Hudson, NH =Usa=
Email: <ksaint-at-ici.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: at home mom
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Neglect in Hospital; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A voyage to the Other Side : A Better Place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Lost my mind, but with time and change, it became a spiritual
foundation to build my strength upon. Made me real.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My mom was left in a bathroom by a nurse in
a hospital 1 day after open-heart surgery, mom fell in the bathroom
and died there....
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The wake, crying. My moms face.
--What I think my (Usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not sure
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Spiritual growth
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Medication and a psychatric facility and suicide attempt that failed.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Unfinished buisiness, not saying goodbye and not expressing my love
to my mom....like I would've wished to.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You will meet again...and it will be glorious....
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Survived it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It happened so suddenly
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
not sure
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Hug my mom and help her to go to the other side
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Live through it and have my beutiful daughter, survived suicide
attemts.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I looked outside and saw the rain coming down???
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Composure....
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
The holidays come around and seeing others with thier moms
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be supportive of my mom and have a cool relationship
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did this happen....
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
See her and hold her in my arms....
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Broke down
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Disgust...they're neglect killed her
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing...I eas very angry with God
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Comforting... in nature and animals, this is my higher power
--Regarding MONEY:
It really did'nt
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I don't remember it... I have blocked it out
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Accepting my mom was in the dirt....cold and alone
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
huh?
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Myself in my dreams, we are together, isee mom often....Thank God
for dreams!!!!
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It helps me immensly
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My daughter and pets
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It scares me
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Still no closure
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still make cards out to mom for holidays I also talk to her daily
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prescription Drugs
Also my belefe in nature
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
Also, the way she was taken from me so suddenly....
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It drew some tears but it also helped the healing
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Sat Dec 20 14:20:09 1997
F13 in Apex, NC =USA=
Name: Jennifer Cunningham
Email: <jennyjenc-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Student (8th)
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: ??; Aged: 2.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Going away and never coming back. To never see the light of our
planet again. You don't see, feel, hear, or think. You are dead.
Not alive. Not aware of anything around you. Nothing matters
anymore. You are in a deep sleep and never awaken
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know what was going on
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Grandpa Died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Going to the funeral and seeing people crying, and not understanding
why
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
No more pain
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Burying them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Terrible and scary. Something that would haunt you for the rest
of your life
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt, I was too little to understand, and my parents didn't think
I cared.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The person accepted it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Oh, Well no need to worry about it now.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say I love you one last time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know the person
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I went to the reception and everyone was having a good time
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Dressing the person up and giving them a nice casket that they are
never going to see.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
We had good times, or the conflict we had just before the passing
away
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might not be as happy, for he was suffering in a hospital.
He would feel pain, unlike now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he died 20 minutes before I was ging to make up with him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Hug him, no matter where he went
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Went into a deep depression
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
many
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Scary, almost every week someone died, and you always wondered who
will be next and if you accidently touched something, and if the
illness could have come into you.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Praying for them
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Weird, yet satisfying!
--Regarding MONEY:
My family had to take a loan, and the government should fund making
room for more people
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The Gun Fires
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The open casket
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the heart beat monitor
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
They went to heaven and saw the "light"
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I fainted from dehydration, and was under for quite a while, 2 1/2
hours I think. I saw and talked to an angle, she said it wasn't
my time yet but if I wish to come off this earth I can
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd want to hear about that heroic WW2 story one last time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Don't cremate me!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would freak out and probably kill myself form the state of shock.
I would be overreacting and take every precaution available to
prevent it from happening
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
NONE
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
NONE
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought it was interesting. I never knew there could be so many
different questions on this perticular subject
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Fri Dec 19 12:43:00 1997
F15 in , michigan =U.S.A=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life After Death Ask your angels
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
George Anderson
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 year ago ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 77.
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--Death Is:
the most scariest thing that could happen, either to us or to
someone we love
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 5yrs old(it was my hamster) and 11yrs old(my great-grandmother)
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I just went numb and blocked it all out
--What I think my (U.S.A) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That nothing lasts forever and that everything that is born must die
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I realized how precious life is
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My therapist
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I didn't know how to talk about it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
?
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that starving yourself(anorxia), or killing yourself is
wrong to do not only to your self but also to your family and friends
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my dog died 2yrs ago. It sounds funny but I needed him because he
always listened
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was a way to get rid of all the stress I had
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
apologize for what a total bitch I was to some pets/people
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Not cry in front of the person that was dying
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
who cares it ain't happening
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
because it wasn't
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
kill myself-but I can't
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that hospice is great
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they're wonderful people
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutly nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
as good as anything
--Regarding MONEY:
it showed that lots of people are materialistic ass-holes
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
She was cremated
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when you can't breathe
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd love to hear that I was going to die soon I'd be scared but
what's ever after this can't be as bad as this
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'm pissed off now
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Fri Dec 19 06:22:00 1997
F17 in canton, Me =USA=
Name: Katie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
More personal info:
sure, I didn't have a chance to compleat
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father in June 1997
Cause of Death: walking pneumonia; Aged: ? 38 or 39 ?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a sorowfull time of loss. Why we are sad is because we will miss
our loved ones when they are gone and we feel bad because we don't
want them to be gone.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad but not effected I didn't really know the person all that
well and was more worried about the reaction of my younger sister
who takes death very badly. I was old enough to understand about
it and knew things about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my great-grandfather. He was fairly
old and he got sick and died. I didn't know him very well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was upset, in a state of deniel. I didn't realy think that
it was true. Then I cried, in private. Called my friends to
comfort me and by the time they got there I was normal again.
It was hard for them to deal with me my happy self again when I
had just suffered from such a serious loss. My sister took it very
badly on the other hand and went into a depression.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To cope better I guess. I would be better if we didn't have to
experience it but not much chance of that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I can bring a family closer together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The fact that I could cope when other couldn't, I guess. Because it
really still hasn't effected me. I think the thing you need
to know is that he lived on the other side of the country from us
and we didn't know him very well.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The reactions of others around me and the fact that I wouldn't get
a chance to really know my father.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasn't there for him. We were alway's sepperated, but I know
that he loved me and I hope that he knew I felt the same.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Still don't know how to feel but am going on with my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Now, I haven't had a reaction to His death and it worries me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did laugh but it wasn't at a funeral or anything. I am a
life-loving person who always trys to cheer the mood up
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
meet him and get to know him in person .
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I don't know
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I told a teacher about it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i donn't know.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't say that this is true.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
It wasnt this death that phased me, I acctualy haven't had much of
a reaction to death, at all.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
Also my ability to forget. I don't really know because it doesn't
usualy have much effect on me.
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Fri Dec 19 03:30:02 1997
M25 in douglasville, ga. ==
Name: tommy kilpatrick
Email: <tommykil-at-bellsouth.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo search
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, yrs 3 ago.
Cause of Death: - Aged: 40.
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--Death Is:
fear.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand what death was.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... she died of liver cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I can not belive she is dead.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to try and help kids as they learn what death is to cope with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
on old people who were in pain it is over for them no more pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i would never see them again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
try and help them not be scared.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she had stopped breathing and her heart just kept going and going, it
went on for 16min. she had said she would fight with her last breath.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it made me feel like hell.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i had the opportunity to but i was scared so i wish i would have
spent more time when i found out she was going to die.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help her not be so scared.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
her eyes came open 20 or 30 min before she died but it was like
she was not in there anymore.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i am happy and i think about her not being able to be here and
enjoy it too.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
her kids are not even old enough to leave home and her grandbabby
is on the way and she will never get to see it.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
some how of not been born so that i would not have to deal with
death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i have never acknowledged the death even to this day i catch myself
thinking i can go see her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i think it could do better.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
never met them.
--Regarding MONEY:
noone had the money to bury her right.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that it seemd to go on forever i was begging god to just take her
so it would stop.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
blue skin in the arms and legs.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it would drive me crazy and kill me sooner evey since she died i
have panic attacks and i am on meds for it.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
fear
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
helped me some to talk about it.
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Thu Dec 18 16:14:22 1997
M20's in Denver, Colorado =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
looking for key words.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On death and dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elisabeth kubler- ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16(one month til 17).
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--Death Is:
terrible, we don't know, or have never been taught how to deal with
it, we don't know what to do or say,and it really sucks
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Flipped out.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... cousin killed in a car accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The rings on my cousins finger, and how if when she was cremated
if she still had them on or if they are in a box somewhere.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to allow one to greive, to understand that everyone has their
own process.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My family has been " reunited"
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my best friend, who I cried and cried to, also the planet enu which
I could see from my window appeared the night she died, so I always
think of it when i see her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Loss, guilt, tears, and frustration
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To tell me what you are thinking don't be afraid of me, i am the
same person, I am not fragile mentally, just psychally,
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Can see how precious life really is.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was trying to accept it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I needed to laugh somemore, laughter helps relieve tension, and
that is what I needed, i may have laughed for hours.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Write down things that were important send her letters, called,
i just didn't thinkit would happen.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Talk to my friends that understood
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I could finally talk about my guilt
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The flowers, the kids were so engrossed in them, they were not
importamnt, also the food, how could you eat at a time like that?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
One sweet day comes on, i talk to her mom, I look through my
journal on all that I remeber, i think about had I done this,
had i done that...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would probably call her every once in awhile, would be saving
to visit,
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
...that she was killed in such a horrible accident.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Bring her back, die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried, hated the world, tried to rationalize what had
happened.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Crap, these people don't know what they are talking about, they
try to help, but they don't know what I feel like. They didn't lose
her, I did.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The place i had to go to that I hate so much because it will forever
remind me of death.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like our socuety has no idea what it is talking about, they haven't
died yet.
--Regarding MONEY:
The funeral was overly expensive. luckly the church helped out.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There were so many kids there, her whole school of friends, most
of them, because thesy loved her, and needed closure, some just to
get out of class.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The rings, and how i couldn't think of anything else.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
na
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was sick, fever of 103.5, and she calmed me down, she died quickly,
so i don't know about hers.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
hasn't
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I never wrote to her, i didn't stop ny the month before, my mom
and her mom are feuding, and they wouldn't let us see eachother.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Ask her what it was ike, tell her i miss her, ask if she would
watch over me,
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
That I don't get creamated, or be a vegitable for a long time,
if i am brain dead give away my organs, and let me die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
no, I refuse to think about it i don't want to I am afraid.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Journal, yelling in silence
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I was afraid to drive, i always look twice, sometime three times,
I no longer forget to tell people that i love them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it hurts to think about it again, I really mis her, ihaven't fully
greived, i don't want to. I need to.
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Wed Dec 17 06:50:35 1997
Anonymous Guest in Egg Harbor Township, NJ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65.
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--Death Is:
the end
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
mt mother's good spirits
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
what's beyond it
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
loss of this person
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
deal aggressively with medical personnel
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the point right at death
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the reality does not fit well with our pious expectations hence
its funny sometimes
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend a few more normal days
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
some incident or happenstance brings them to mind
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Its hard to see how it could be. We would have to be changed,
perhaps unrecognizably.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
To be killed
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
We were at Sloan Kettering. They were wonderful. My father died
at another hospital. They sucked. Unfortunately these things are
more chance than plan.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My mother was Catholic. She seemed to believe until the end.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Inauthentic
--Regarding MONEY:
We got plenty of it. And hopefully did good things with it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How sudden it is.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
In an auto accident, I experienced slowing of time and preternatural
calm.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would not want to use my death to guilt trip somebody into doing
something they would not do.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about it a lot. It seems the most important thing but I
find it frustrating not to know how to confront it.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
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Tue Dec 16 02:07:07 1997
Anonymous F20's in New Mexico =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Motor Vehicle Accident; Aged: 27.
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--Death Is:
to stop existing in the physical state3
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great aunt died and I went to the funersal
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the police not wanting to tell me what had happened because I
was alone
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it doesn't have to be a bad or sad experience, the survivers need
to remember happy times
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
finding out who I could depend on to support me and not judge
my actions
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family urging me to continue on with my life
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
his family's reaction
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was appropriate even though my inlaws made me feel guilty.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good-bye
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
his brother brought his hat in for him to wear
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who rode in what car to thwe gravesite
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear certain songs or when the holidays are near.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be doing basically the same things except instead of in NM
I would Be in Canada,where we always planned to go.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that the man that killed him got off without even a fine for the
illegal turn that killed my husband
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
slow down for a while
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
appropriate action
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
protecting and strength giving
--Regarding MONEY:
it was of no concern
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it comforted me
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching his family's reactions
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
death was sudden, I don't know.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
we had an excellent relationship
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have liked to hear him say he loved me one more time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
all arrangments for my death/lifesuypport have been made I do not
want my family to have to deal with any of these issues
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have a very specific living will in place, I have thought about
my death a great deal since the accident. I closed quite a few old
issues out andcompleted unfinished projects. I try not to leave
things in the half done state anymore.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking to him whenm I get very upset with daily life
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
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Mon Dec 15 05:26:37 1997
F26 in Burbank, CA =U.S.A.=
Name: Makiko Kitagawa
Email: <makiko1-at-earthlink.net>
Web: http://
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Between jobs
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 9yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 50.
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--Death Is:
an event which our physical body won't function anymore... We
don't know if we can have conciousness after our physical body
stops functioning. If we can, Death is merely a transformation
from physical world to spiritual world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not know what death means. I did not see my aunt's face.
--That first time, how it happened was
My aunt died when I was about 6-year-old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
fear and shock. Cold firm body lying in front of me was not my
aunt anymore... It was just a body...without her...soul, I say...
She used to take me to the temple. And she was the most religeous
person within my family. She died of cancer. I was very confused
of her death because of the gap between religeion and reality. I
told my mom that she had to go because she did not need to exist
in this world anymore. She had to go like that because that was
her last task to teach us how life is important. I did not see
her even once when she was in the hospital. I wish I could talk
to her... But if I did , I would have gone crazy...to see her body.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to find out how to stop aging and death scientifically...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
to feel I am alive now...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
media - from TV to movie...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That whole scene of funeral in my brain...
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to give a lots of love.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
change myself.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see the truth and appreciate for it. And having a willingness
to change.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we cannot figure out or prove "the death beyond".
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cannot imagine how to deal with someone's death again...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am confused...
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Sun Dec 14 00:41:47 1997
Anonymous Guest in LA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
"The Web" magazine
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 2 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: about 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The body disintegrates, and what happens to the mind is a
mystery that no one can really prove anything about (which is
largely why it scares us).
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was 10 when my grandfather died of leukemia. I only knew
that something really "different" had happened and that it was
final. I literally knew nothing else. I didn't know how to react.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father's father died of leukemia when I was about 10.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
People were mostly stoic and only got unnerved at the
funeral or in private (one on one).
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It should be alright to talk about it. It can't make the
situation worse, and maybe it could resolve a few of our fears.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Just dealing with my own reflexive fears.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I've heard of this happening to others so many times that
I feel it's a normal reaction, but I have no idea what causes it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Just spend some more time with the one who had a fatal illness.
My own fears sometimes prevented this.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
When my other grandfather died, everyone in the family who
was a drinker got together and got very drunk. We all knew
that this was what grandfather would have wanted, and we all
felt obliged to do it. It wasn't a loud happy, party or a sour,
weepy occasion either, it was just a ritual that we carried out
without the need to talk about it. As silly as all this sounds,
it really did help.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When I think about what it might have felt like for them.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That we invest so much in learning how to live, how to make
judgements and developing our own tastes, and then the plug gets
pulled on all that.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Be *certain* that death is only a transition, so thinking
about it would be easier.
--Regarding MONEY:
I didn't get involved in that- I cant comment
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Getting used to the death of someone still young. Its so
much different when it wasn't "supposed" to happen
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm 36 yrs old. If I knew I were to die soon, I would feel
cheated. Still, I hope that I could get others to listen to me. I
would like to describe the experience frankly with them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Many types of thoughts - knowing that my own death isn't near,
just concentrating on life instead, observing that the dead don't
seem to suffer, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
In the cases I've experienced, no one wants to discuss death much.
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Sat Dec 13 17:48:06 1997
M21 in , MS =usa=
Email: <Wideheaven-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a dream on the way to death, but is it a nightmare or
fantasy world we are sleeping in?
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 5 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that an anyersm(spelling) took the life of an unsuspecting
nice old man.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is just as natural and beautiful as birth.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
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Fri Dec 12 20:35:29 1997
F30 in =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, yrs2 ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure; Aged: 10.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our bodies caanot go on, so our souls continue on to heaven
alone
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
spent hours trying to comprehend what it all meant. I thought I
should be crying, but I wasn,t. As a young teenager it was very
hard to understand.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grand father passed away after a very
long illness
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
having to explain to my three year old why I was crying and why
and where our dog had gone
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is a natural progression.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I now appreciate the time I have with friends and family
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and my memories. Both left me feeling loved and cared for,
rather than alone
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my dog was like my first child. I felt as if I had lost a part
of myself.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I came across a favorite spot and realized that it would always be
different, sort of bittersweet
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk with my grandfather about his experiences. A stroke hampered
his speech and I have always been a little jealous of the stories
my older siblings had heard
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my daughter asks which star her puppy lives in and when will she
see her again
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that some people have to suffer for years, while others pass away
painlessly in their sleep
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sat down and cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
when , at my grandfather's service , the minister did not once say
his name correctly. Basicly, it was a lack of interest.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It is not me,me,me! The dying person should, if at all possibl have
their wishes carried out
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
being given permission to cry and not having to be the strong one
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
I never saw anyone else cry before the service
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Fri Dec 12 12:56:04 1997
Anonymous F Guest in Missouri =USA=
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
How to survive the loss of a love.
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 1-1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 3.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to our physical life. It separates us from those we love.
It brings out strong emotions and reactions in all the people
involved.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother who was 92 passes away.
It was the first death in my life, but I was only five or six at
the time and didn't really comprehend what was going on. I don't
remember being upset by it. I just knew that now we couldn't
visit grandma anymore.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
immense grief. I didn't think that I could feel so much at one time.
I think the worst part about all of it and the most difficult for
me, was notifying friends and family. In the few hours after she
died, I had to contact all the other people who loved her as well.
I had barely had time to deal with the reality of her death before
I was thrust into the role of comforter for those I was telling.
I also remember those last precious moments as she breathed her
last breath. I knew it was coming, could feel it, but it was
still so amzing to watch. She breathed in one last time and never
breathed back out again. These memories are my strongest...that
and the overhwhelming and nearly debilitating grief.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
accept it. I feel our society dreads death. It is seen as a taboo
subject, but it is something very natural, something that affects
all of us at one time or another. I think there needs to be more
education and information about grief and dying. It is such a
unique process and something people should not be afraid of.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my child no longer being in pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
people's understanding. I didn't feel forced to "get over it".
People were very gentle and loving. They also allowed me to talk
about it and come to terms with it in my own time. My co-workers
lightened my work load and I was able to really try and deal with
this change in my life...learning to live without her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling no one truly understood what I was going through. No one
else loved her like I did and that was really hard. The other
thing was trying to be strong for everyone else when I felt like
I was dying on the inside.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
It gives the dying person a great deal of comfort to know they are
not alone when they are feeling so much fear.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nothing I did could make her better, or comfortable, or able
to sleep.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend those last few minutes with her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
lost all motivation to go on and to continue my life the way it
was before she died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
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Thu Dec 11 09:29:19 1997
F43 in london, ontario =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: n/l
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, yrs4 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 71.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the altime most wonderfull thing we can experians,it gives us back
our lost of pure love,and brings us back to our love ones,we mist
so much,and back to gods kingdom.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I wonderd why they were so sad,If we all knew they had gone home.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother had twins when I was five years
old,they both died,at three weeks old,one at ten in the morning,and
the other one,ten at night.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how much we still needed our mother to guide us through the parts
of life we didn't yet under stand,It was very hard to go on with
our life,on our owen,we lost our greates teacher.
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
our culture is a great insperation to me,I just wish more people
could understand it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
We all came together and our love made us stronger,
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
that I knew of god's promise to all, that have leaft us I shall
say my riligion,pulled me through,
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I would not be able to se her again untill my time is up,we
love her so much,It hurts to even think about it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know every day how much you love them,and how important
they are in your life,
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved and cherished every moment,that we all have together,and how
important every human bieng is to the other.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother such a loving person,died not wanting my dad to hold
her hand,
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
she wanted us to go on,and be happy for her.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to be there,the last day she could still talk,
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep myself from falling apart,and reashure other family members,that
they would make it with out her,because her love lives on in
our harts.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
every one of the in-laws,had a harder time letting her go.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
we didn't care what church the service was held,God is every where.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see the little things she use to like.or certain smells,
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would still be abel to tell her how much I love her,and need her
to be there for us all.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that the good parent,always go's first.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die and all be together again,and fell all that love she had to give.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I thought I would never get over the grief,the felling of lost,it's
so over welming.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
let people die whith dignety,
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
No one can give the dying the hope that there is some thing better
wating for them,
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that she was finaly free of suffering.she was going home.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that there is one place left that no one can take away from us,we
all go to the same place,regardless of who we are.
--Regarding MONEY:
she payed her funeral ahead of time,and made all the arangments
ahead of time.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how dificult it was for every culture,in our family,to under
stand,why it had to be in certan way.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that we were all crying and saying how glad we were that she finaly
was going to rest,we were happy for her.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when the person keeps on telling you that,their loved one's came
to see her but they where all people that had past away.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
love one's are always close by,And the angels are always at your
side.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have had two experiances,the first when I was 9 years old.jesus
took me in his arms and crossed me over the river,but he said I had
to go back.The second time,the angels took me to a place of Gold,so
I could rest,and he said,God only gives you what you can handle so
rest because you have to go back,your son needs you still,it has been
a wonderfull experiance,but I fidn I don't want to be here no more,
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
All my issues are always resolved right on the spot,I have no guilty
feelings,I live only for today,I love every one.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to tell my best friend that past away 6 years ago to
pleas tell her children,that she loved them,So they wouldn't ask
me if there mother realy ceared about them.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
what you want every one to know is that every one was important
in my life,give every one the things they like the most,before you
die,so there will be no arguments,make it clear,what you want done.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would say believe in heaven,and love each other,
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I find that in the most crushell moment,it's better to be alone,in
a room,and just talk to God,you don't have to lie to him,how you
realy feel,
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Tell every one how much you love them,it's a powerfull word,and
don't wait untill tomorow,what you can do,and say today,tomorrow
might never come,for the one's you love,don't miss out on there
love.and yours.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
We have always known that only the body dies,we are all special
spirits
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it made me think again how fragile life is,and how important it
is not to procrastinate,when it comes to love one's
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Wed Dec 10 16:23:26 1997
F34 in Portland, Oregon =US=
Name: Lisa Ralph
Email: <Lisa_Ralph-at-PHSOR.org>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
yahoo psychological tests
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Prof/Studies: Office Coordinator/3rd year Psychology Student
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurysm; Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
very, very sad. We feel shocked and devastated when someone close
to us dies. This is especially true when the death is unexpected.
We miss the person who died very much. For some of us, faith in
God helps to comfort us in our sadness. Also what helps some of
us is the belief that the person is still with us in spirit, and
that we'll meet again when we die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not really aware of the finality of death, because of my age
(14) and because I hadn't been in frequent contact with the person
anyway, so I didn't particularly miss her more than before, except
that I knew it was different.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my ex-step-mother (who I liked) committed
suicide after she and my father divorced. I was sad and shocked.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The absolute shock! It was so unexpected. It was especially sad
because she died young and left three children and a husband.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to fear it or try to put it out of our minds. If we were more
accepting of death as being part of the life cycle and grew up with
that acceptance, it might not be so shocking or devastating.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
How it brought people closer in their expression of emotion.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking with my best friend, praying to God, and crying.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The shock and unreality of it. How could she just be gone like that?
Why did it happen to her? Also, the deep, wrenching sadness in
thinking about her children no longer having a mother.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Prayed and felt comforted through faith in God's plan.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Shortly after I first found out that she had died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This didn't happen to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk with her more often, find out more of her inner feelings and
how she was doing.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for her children, and have them accept me as a support
to them.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I can't think of anything about this.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am just thinking about her, hearing her laugh in my mind, and
when I think about her two little girls without their mommy, and
her teenage son at a difficult age for him to lose his mother.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If she were still alive, and I had the knowledge I have now, I
would stay in much closer contact with her, and try to help her
through her personal problems.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to die and leave her kids without her.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring her back to life, but a better life than she had in terms of
dealing with problems.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was so emotionally devastated and sad. I still at times feel like it
isn't real, yet I know it is. How can she just be gone like that?
It's only been six months, so it will probably take longer for it
to feel more real.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I wasn't involved closely enough in her hospital experience to
answer this.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Praying to God frequently.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like people who die are still with us in spirit.
--Regarding MONEY:
I wasn't involved personally with this, but I know that her family
is struggling with astronomical medical bills, funeral costs,
and even now have not yet purchased a headstone for her grave.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was out of town on vacation and missed my friend's funeral.
I didn't even find out she'd died until I returned.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That even though I missed her funeral, I envision what it was
like and a part of me is glad that I wasn't there as it was so
extremely sad, her husband and teenage son both spoke about her and
her whole family was there and everyone was crying, and it would
have been really difficult for me, even though it would probably
have been cathartic to share in the grief, rather than experience
it alone after finding out. What seems weird to me is how I get
visions of her laying in her casket, with her hair all fixed and
make-up done, looking pretty and almost like she's just sleeping,
yet knowing she's not; I envision this even though I wasn't there
and haven't asked her husband or our other friends if that's what
it was like--I don't even know if it was open-casket or not.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A--she died suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She was in a coma and became brain-dead before life support was
discontinued, so I have no knowledge of this happening for her.
However, her youngest daughter (6 yrs. old) has experienced her
mother coming back as an angel and talking to her.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I just try to talk about her and reminisce with mutual friends and
her husband and children as often as possible, which helps to keep
her memory alive.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask her whether she wanted me to be the one to take care of
her children, to be their mother in her absence, and how she would
feel about me becoming closer to her husband through this process.
Being able to know that she wanted me to do this would help me to
feel okay about the fact that I am doing this now. I still have
reservations about it and sometimes feel kind of a sense of guilt,
even though I know in my heart of hearts that I never had any
intentions like this before she died.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
What I think about most is that it is important to have financial
and business type things taken care of for myself so that I wouldn't
leave that burden to my family. I also think about not wanting my
son to feel guilty about things he's said to me if I were to die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do think about death more often now, and how it can happen so
unexpectedly to younger people. I read the obituaries and scan for
ages frequently. It is also making me think about my mother's,
father's, and grandmother's mortality more often. I don't often
think about my own death, except to know that it would be devastating
to my own teenage son, and my family, and I sometimes wonder what
they would think/feel if I were to die.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just praying by myself at night, because that's when it would
usually hit me the hardest.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to pray nightly, but don't always do this.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The experience of completing this questionnaire was helpful to me
and made me feel like it was helping me to continue to deal with
the recent death of my friend. I felt a lump in my throat shortly
after beginning to answer the questions, and I know I still have lots
of emotional issues to deal with in terms of accepting her death.
It also helped me to realize that the feelings I'm experiencing are
not unusual or abnormal, just by the fact that they are asked about.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I can't really think of anything that needed to be reworded. I felt
like the questions were asked in a gentle and sensitive way, and
I did not feel anything negative in regard to how they were asked
or in even being asked such specific things. I felt that it was
a positive experience to go through.
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Wed Dec 10 15:29:58 1997
F19 in Provo, UT =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Psychology Major
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, one week ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: about 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandma died at a relatively young age
(about 50) from cancer.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Tue Dec 9 13:40:49 1997
F30 in placerville, california =usa=
Name: Bev
Email: <tbearhug-at-calweb.com>
Web: http://WWW.calweb.com/~tbearhug
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Found us by: [ Hospice ]
Prof/Studies: homemaker (right now)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our time is to be in the lords hands. It could happen at any
given moment and it's painful. Life is too short to not live each
day to it's fullest and live a happy life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was devestated. Who would of thought it would happen to me I was
married to him we had a child and our life together was wonderful
yes the useal up and downs but being married at 18 we were a young
couple who were lucky to be able to have the love we did. We were
married fro 61\2 years our daughter was just turning 5yrs. I didn't
handle it well I got laid off from work or they made me quit after
8 years there or I'd been fired. But I wasn't doing anything wrong
I just keep it to my self no one knew what had happen until my job
let me go. That wasn't so bad I remember feeling I could now hide
in my own world which I did for some time.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my high school sweetheart that I was
married and had a beautiful little girl toghther.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how lost I felt I come from a VERY disfunctional family. Only one
sister out of 5 who live in my same home town called me and it wasn't
to even talk about how I was it was all she could do was tell me
about her new car. after 2weeks went by and I saw her driving down
the road one block away from my home That's when I found hospice
the program was incrediable. I also felt very angery at my husband
how could he have not worn his seatbelt in his jeep he never had
done it before it made me feel so deserted today I still hold that
loneliness but our daughter keeps me going.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The overall whole picture and most that during this time we all
deserve to get access to all programs and lit. If only I had this
computer then.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That it gave me the gift of life itself....Love. I am very lucky to
have found it and no matter how short lived it was it was still the
best thing you can have. It also gave me a sence of security. The
best thing is I had what I had and no one or time can ever take
the memories or feeling away from me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
hopspice they had a program that I went through along with an art
program for my little girl they were all we had
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was to find out a week later that my cancer had fome out of remission
and they gave me less than 6 months. I felt so much pain not for me
cause I am not scared of death but for my little girl. they emotional
rollercoaster I went through was the worst. I still find my self
looking in the mirror and being surprised I made it through let alone
Here it is 3 yrs later and I'm filling out this survey. Thank you....
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Don't have any advice nor anything that would help I don't think
but if there is than let me say I know you can't take it to her
everyone say it's all right and to sommer you so I say it's ok to
take your space who ever said we had to have a lot of people around
us is not true I hope they go with their hearts and if they don't
have a unconditional listerner who they can depend on HERE I AM....
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
After the shock and the emotions of lost and of anger the ability
to keep them seperated was when I feel I most needed to learn
what I was going and feeling
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that's what the gift of it all those feeling and memories
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say good bye I had so many unanswered questions and I regret that
morning he was in a bad mood so we did'nt give each other our
morning kiss That is one thing he took pride in that neither one
of use was to leave our home without a kiss. Damn I'd just about
do anything to change that
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep on having the will for life it's self. To see in and look at
the future alittle and to know I could do it
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
sorry but these to questions i am unable to answer i have sat here
almost 10 min now but nothing comes to mind sorry
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my daughter does something and I think of how proud her daddy
would be
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
To this day I havent done that I know it would tear me up and i
can't think that way its happen i can't go tho what if
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
how come we have such a great life why would god want this
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be some one else i wish i could walk out the door and trade it with
someone else who knew that i just was tooo tired to any more
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
found inner strength and I could deal with life at a better out
look but then I seemed to fall down and I am not sure I guess
good question
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
alot but I had a hard time finding the general it is like i had
to dig for it the infomation was not like it fell in my lap I had
to make several calls and so on and on and etc. If iwould have
known that the simplicity of the internet wow how they would have
been different
--Regarding MONEY:
it was so diffucult to see where our next meal was coming from we
i guess being so young didn't think of life ins. I do now
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was heart warming to see how many of our friends showed up that
there were alot of people who said there respects and I think most
I haven't seen and heard from since sad isn't it
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i guess i know i cant so i just dont worry about them you can drive
your self crazy thinking about it I can't get the answeres so I
have let them go
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just the good bye kiss cause out of 10years we weretogether from
dating to our married we never did kiss each other before we leave
the house this was our first time and all because he had a bad
morning and he wasn't being very interested so I just shut the door
not sure so many time through the years he or I have gone around
the block and come back just for the kiss but not this time
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
time on the beach
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Support Group
time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
my little girl i struggled with how to tell her
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was a reality check and a proud moment for me to see how far i
have come its nice
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Had a good time it was nice to reminese in a controled so to speak
enviroment
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Mon Dec 8 18:13:09 1997
M20 in , CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumor; Aged: 20.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the finite source of interaction.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
saw a severe auto accident.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother, who took a good part in raising me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
he was the first of our circle of friends to actually not come back
from the edge.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a fundamental part of life, and a necessary step in
our development.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
our last walk and our last conversation, and the oddities therein.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the entombment as a finalisation of the physical.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the initial feelings of loss and abandonment.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there. It's that simple. Leave the baggage at the door,
and do your last speech, or whatever.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he could not respond to me, but was still hanging on.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the good memories were too overwhelming, and had to be acknowledged.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have our last conversation in person.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had finalisation.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
we would have most likely soon lost contact, going our different
ways.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
especially in the case of the young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sat in a rocking chair, turning our interactions over in my mind.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
blameless irritation...it wasn't the doc's fault that the technology
hasn't progressed that far yet.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Nonexistant. He chose to die at home.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A process to sever the tie to the mundane, physical aspect.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
somewhat abstract, and I do not necessarily agree with it, but am
aware on some instinctual level of what is going on.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone was affected on some level.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
taking communion.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
subtle interactions...people know when their time is near.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
it was only before the knowledge of the illness was apparent.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
The state of affairs is lovely, thanks. I would still like to
visit the room in which he chose to pass, however.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If the dying wish for speed, then grant it. Why deal with
torture and heavy expenses? We don't torture criminals, but when
a chronically ill individual with no hope for a cure wishes for an
end, we prevent it? Where's the logic?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It will happen when it is time. It obviously hasn't yet, and
there'll be nothing I can do about it anyway, so why worry?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel oddly neutral.
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Mon Dec 8 17:27:55 1997
F20 in Mundelein, IL =USA=
Email: <lavoie1-at-carthage.edu>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Prof/Studies: Student:Major:psych, minor:Philosophy
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: kidney disease; Aged: 56?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our time here on Earth. The "passing on" as we call it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was shocked at first. I couldn't believe that she was gone,
although the whole family had known that eventually it would happen.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandma was sick with kidney disease for
twenty two years before she passed away. We were very close.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how everyone so wanted her to be alive. I kept thinking that they
didn't understand that she is in a better place now and no longer
in pain.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we cannot be selfish when a person dies and want them to be
here with us. I believe that the person is within US after they
have passed away.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
what next?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
show them and tell them that you love them. Remind them of how
much you care because you might never get the chance again.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to have my grandma watch me perform on stage. She never got
that chance.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with her and talk. She was so smart and full of knowledge
that I never sickened of listening to her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think again that I can no longer hear her voice out loud.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. It still hits me every now and then as though it was the
first time all over again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust. The doctors were constantly saying for years that she
had one foot in the grave and that she wouldn't make it. But every
time (except for the last one) she did make it through and shocked
them all.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
what hurt the most was the fact that I would never be able to see
her again.
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Mon Dec 8 15:46:37 1997
F17 in , TX =USA=
Name: Erin
Email: <Erin3480-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a stopping point. Life continues after death, but not in this place.
Somewhere else, but we are not sure of where.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not have much feeling on the situation. I was upset for about
a day, then it didn't bother me too much.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My great grandmother died when I was 12.
I didn't know her -- I only met her twice. It upset me for a day
or two, but then I was okay.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
crying. It was very upsetting and tragic. Especially due to the
cause of her death. I lost a friend and a classmate.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
those of us who die have found a better place full of happiness.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
mt other friends. We are all going through the same thing right now.
Even though this is hard, we are coping. Our class has become
much closer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking that she is still here. Every now and then I think I see
her face in the halls at school. Looking at the pictures of her
in my room are kind of scary as well. I don't know where she is.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to accept the fact that she is gone forever and that I will
never be able to see her smile or face ever again.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know her a little better than I did. We had become better frinds
over the last month or two of her life and I wish I could have
known her sooner.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see the purpose in my life. I see how this has affected her family
and Am so thankful now for everything that I have, even if the road
of life does become bumpy.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how close you were to the person. Even though we weren't too great
of friends, I know feel like I knew her so well.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I drive by her house or fill out a form like this. Also when My
life gets hard and I think about what she must have thought the
last hour or two of her life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she thought that she was so special that she could leave this
place in search of a better one. Not everyone thinks that way.
She was pretty selfish.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was upset for days. I couldn't function of think straight. I was
scared and afraid and could not figure out why she got to leave
and why we had to stay here.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
knowing that she was lying in that coffin when she should have been
hanging out with the rest of her classmates and friends on a Friday.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
to help your friend if they are having problems and always take them
seroiusly. Love them while you can in case toomorrow never comes.
Make sure they know that you love them and that you are always
there for them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was too long. They seemed to be the same type and I got fed up
and quit.
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Sat Dec 6 18:38:48 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
i like psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
life beyond death,
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 90.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a new beginning, something that has ended.something that people
fear because they dont know where they will be. leaving from the
physical plane
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt really realize what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my great-grand mother died of cancer
i loved her
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
people crying knowing that they wont see the person again
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to let go. there is always an end and always a beginning. people
shouldnt fear death. i dont. its something that happends and yo
cant do anything about it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
thinking about it. it made me realize that it is something we all
have to face sooner or later. it made me think
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i cant really say that it was hard for me. remembering the person
causes a lot of pain. sure i was sad the person was gone , but
we have to live with that
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didnt underatandwhy why it has to happen
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with her and get to know her. she was a great person
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
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Fri Dec 5 19:55:25 1997
Anonymous Guest 31 in Columbia, SC =USA=
F31 in Columbia, SC =USA=
Email: <cnmmama-at-aol.com>
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like going to sleep and not waking up. The human body shuts down
completely.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt like I was going to faint. It was an eerie feeling.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother's aunt died and we went to the
funeral home to see her. I was about 9.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
there was almost an exhilirated feeling immediately after my father's
death, which I witnessed. Everyone got really nervous and chatty.
It was a couple of days before reality set in.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it should be made as peaceful and non-medical as possible
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I was with my father when he died and know that he died
peacefully given the circumstances.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The time I spent alone thinking about my dad and talking to him
(although he is dead).
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It was relatively surprising and because of a sudden state of
dementia associated with a secondary infection (which is what
actually killed him but he would have died in a few months anyway),
I was unable to thank him for being a good father and grandfather.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Comfort them as you would a newborn sleeping baby -- tell them
everything is going to be alright. Do not talk about them, in
front of them, as if they were already dead.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am glad that I remained by his side during his death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
His breathing pattern was changing back and forth -- watching for
signs of imminent death is tiring and confusing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this is normal -- there is a total upheaval of emotions and you
get a little punchdrunk, especially if you have been standing vigil
for a while.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my father that I loved him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with him during the last hours of his life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I really don't know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
again, I don't know.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I need someone to run an errand, my dad used to run errands for us
after he retired.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It probably would not differ much from the way things were before
we found out dad had cancer -- 2 months before he died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my son has to grow up with no grandfather (my husband's father
died 10 years ago.)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have about a week in a hotel room ALONE with some good books
and videos.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried a lot and was angry. I felt like the whole world should just
come to a halt to give me time to mourn.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They weren't there when you needed them (questions, assistance,
etc. ) and they got in the way when you didn't want them around.
I think they did the best they could, everything anyone does is
wrong at that point.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
WHAT HOSPICE? They signed us up, told us he was dying, and we
never saw them again -- I guess because he never left the hospital,
but still.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Support, organized prayers.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Death takes everyone to a new dimension eventually
--Regarding MONEY:
dealing with the life insurance people afterwards. They wanted to
pay mother in increments, like set up some checking account thing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was in a daze. People kept talking and talking and talking and
it went right over my head. I felt like a fish in an aquarium --
my family were the other fish. Everyone else was on the outside.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
A dream I had right before he died. He had been immobile for
a while but in my dream he reached up and comforted me as I was
comforting him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
cooler feet (although my husband could call the coroner any night),
spotting on extremeties, cold sweats, changes in breathing
patterns.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My dad was speaking about his father in the present tense. He had
been dead for four years. He kept looking around the room and
grabbing at things that were not there.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have unresolved issues, but I have to deal with them on my own.
No one can do it for me. I may talk to a counselor or my husband
eventually,
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him I love him and that I know he loved me and will
take care of me and my son.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
ALWAYS follow their wishes. It is their decision alone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not fear death at all. I look forward to heaven.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I kept smelling my father's clothes and talking to him.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I speak to my dad daily.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, I like to talk about it. Death is a special experience and
being with someone when they die is as important as being at a birth,
wedding, etc. I feel the need to share this meassage.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
The spirit question is a little strange.
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Fri Dec 5 14:16:37 1997
F26 in winchester, VA =US=
Name: Lisa
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: undetermined; Aged: 25.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
My uncle died of lung cancer and I truly didn't really like him.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
It brought death to the reality for me because he was my age.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Time is very short.Please enjoy the time you have to the fullest.
Dont waste it on hatred.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
No one helped me--just time eased the pain.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I would miss him greatly because he was a wonderful person. Seeing
my family in such great pain was very hard also.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To tell him I loved him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at his pictures or talk about him to relatives.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Was angry at God because I didn't understand how he could take
the life of a 25 year old,who had his whole life ahead of him.
Why couldn't he take the life of someone who was a criminal.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hopelessness.How could someone die in their sleep and noone seems
to know why?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A long Catholic service.
--Regarding MONEY:
We wanted him to have the best of everything--casket,funeral
proceedings,grave plot. No matter the cost.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
To many non-family and non-friends were there. It made me angry to
see so many people just trying to weasel in on a business tactic
kind of thing,trying to get on my uncles good side by attending
his sons funeral.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him that my life was so much better for knowing him
and I loved him a great deal. I would want to know that he is okay
where he is and that he's happy.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not scared,and I would like to have my organs donated so others
may gain in my death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought up alot of sadness for me.
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Fri Dec 5 12:34:12 1997
F41 in Fairfax, VA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure, emphasema, conjective heart failure, diabetes; Aged: 73.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the dieing of the body.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died. I didn't know him well.
Only visited him once a year for about five years.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
trying to revive my father. Waiting for the ambulance to come.
I didn't know that if you report a death, the emergency technicians
don't put a rush on the emergency even though once you start CPR
you can't stop it until they arrive.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the process shouldn't be stopped. There comes a time in life when
the quality is no longer there. Prolonging life doesn't prolong
the life, but prolongs the waiting to end it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
now my father won't gasp for breath; he won't be confined to one
place; he's free wherever he is, if there is an afterlife.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a book loaned to me from a co-worker who had experienced the death
of her father the previous year.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
trying to keep a lid on the contempt I felt for relatives who just
wanted my father's possessions and money.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take him to the beach one last time. He loved the water and wanted
desperately to go there.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my mother and to take her in to my home and care for
her now.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
viewing my father in the funeral home, I brushed his hair with my
hand and felt his skin.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral itself. My mother loved it, but I felt it was just an
afterthought of his life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the holidays come and realize that dad won't be there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My mother would be living at their apartment, rather than with my
family consisting on my husband and two kids. I would be going
over to their apartment several times a week to check on dad's
medications and to talk to his doctor and dad would be miserable.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
all his life he loved food and ate glutonessly. But in his last
few years, he could hardly eat anything at all.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back about 25 years.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started thinking about him when I was alone driving or in my dreams.
Even now, right before Thanksgiving, I started dreaming about
him and dreamed I was telling him how much I missed him. I even
remember in a dream how I hugged him and the feeling was so real,
it was if he was still alive.
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral home business overcharges and prays on the grief stricken
who just want to get everything over with.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how few people came.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
trying to find an urn for his ashes and going to a tobacco store
and purchasing a cigar box.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a plastic look about the tops of the fingers; a hollowness in
the cheeks.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I do that now and it has helped immensely. I don't reserve it as a
"last" conversation though, but rather an on-going one.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
if I'm not conscious, then don't plug me in. If there's no hope,
then give me pain killers to ease me until death, but DON'T prolong
the enevitable.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would love to know when and how I would die. It would make the
last days/months/years more productive.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
With the holidays, I have been thinking more and more about my
father. So, the images of his death have resurfaced. I also am
feeling renewed resentment for family members who were cruel or
unfeeling to him and am having a hard time restricting my anger
towards them.
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Fri Dec 5 00:10:58 1997
F21 in Oregon =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 20.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our human life on earth
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a friend from school was hit by a car and
killed when I was in the 7th grade.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
disbelief and shock when I first was told--I actually had to see
the dead body before I believed it was true.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
everyone eventually dies and we need to always love one another
while we have the chance because tomorrow may be too late.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I will always cherish the time i had with that person and I know
somewhere they are always watching and guarding over me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
sitting by the grave and talking out my feelings to myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing everyone's grief all around me and accepting the fact that
I would never again see or feel this person again
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter came from recalling memories w/ others and remembering
how funny he had been.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much I loved him and what an impact he's had on the
course of my life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have known him at all.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
life goes on for those of us left behind.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the wind blows on a clear starry night.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried and cried and cried until there were no more tears
left to cry.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are all connected through a higher power and our spirits will
live on even after our physical bodies are gone.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how everyone was split into small groups and no one realy talked
to one another.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
saying goodbye.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them how much I loved them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it scares me too much to spend much time focusing on.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
we decorate dhis grave w/ a xmas tree and choclate candy and sang
xmas carols and remembered what he had brought into our lives
instead of focusing on what we had lost.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
it's a great survey--wish I'd had more time to put more thought
into it.
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Thu Dec 4 19:21:14 1997
F30 in , New Mexico =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: hodgkins lymphoma; Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a doorway. But most of us don't know it. We don't even look at
the door usually.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought it was beautiful and powerful and horrific.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my fiancee had cancer and died.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not an ending. it's just another transition. i can't wait to
see what's on the other side now that i know this.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
we joked and laughed as he died, and when he took of his O2 mask,
he smiled three times.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
meditating.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
people expect you to get over it or they shun you b/c you are a
reminder of what they could lose that they most value and take
for granted....they avoid you because they think you are morbid,
rather than talk and explore with you this incredible experience.
no one ever mentions paul's name to me anymore. it's like he never
existed to them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk about what they are feeling, talk about dying. they are
close to perfection, close to the mountain top and you should seek
to understand this. once they die, you'll never get to ask them
all those things (well, you can ask but you never get a response
it se4ems)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
Re: Other help dealing with death:
tibetan book of living and dying kept me sane
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
people telling me "you're young and beautiful and will meet
someone else"
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Thu Dec 4 18:58:54 1997
F18 in Denton, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person's life ends and their consciousness (i.e. thoughts
and feelings) go to another place and the body that temporarily
housed the soul and mind (the thoughts and feelings) is returned
to the earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset at first but it didn't interrupt my everyday life
much. It was the first time that I had to deal with "grown-up"
problems.
--That first time, how it happened was
An elderly neighbor who was a very good friend of mine. I didn't have
many friends my own age when I was 5 or 6 but I was good friends
with an elderly couple and the husband, who was like a grandfather
to me, died when I was six.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I felt guilty that I had not been able to see it coming and had
not done more to preent it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It might not be the end-all that you think it is. There are
infinitely many possibilities, including reincarnation and becoming
a spirit guide or sort of "guardian angel" that will let you be
around those you love in this life or in other lives.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my friend died, many people at our school came together and
we forgot all about being in different social circles and different
races or socioeconomic classes and we were all brought together with
common feelings, that we missed Jeff and were sorry that he was gone,
but we care about him and hope that he is happy wherever he is.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
There were several of us who were his close friends, and we mourned
together, and being together and knowing that we could depend on
each other helped a lot. Also, as time went by the hurt became
less severe.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that it will be a long time before we will be really together again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to Jeff before he killed himself, maybe I could have convinced
him that everything would be okay if he would just hold out a
little while longer and get some help for his problems, and that we,
his friends, would do what we could.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
pay my "last respects" and remember the good times we had, which
is what i think he would have wanted.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to wonder if things would ever be the same again. Life became
"normal" afterwards, but I still wonder if it would have been
different if he was still here.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Actually, I think that the church was part of the problem, as one
of the major causes of his suicide was not being accepted by his
family and peers because he did things that weren't (at least not in
my mind or his or the rest of our group) morally correct, and this
caused great conflict. In fact, the Christian church fosters negative
feelings about death, but now that I am older and have left that
religion, I find that death is not quite as scart\y or disheartening.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
No matter what one's beliefs are, death is an end. The end of one
life to enter the next, or the end of life forever, the end of
a cycle, etc. It is always an end and a big transition, and this
helps to bring people together, that there is a common thread in
everyone's mind.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that everyone was very supportive
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
people who are very happy who suddenly or gradually are no
longer as vibrant and happy as they used to be. This isn't exactly
physical, but is still important to watch for, because suicide will
occasionally (not always like they says in magazines, but once is
still too many times) follow.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to tell him that I won't forget him and that I will
always have good feelings towards him/
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope that people aren't too sad, because I believe that death is
inevitable but not a wholly bad thing, that I will either become
one with Nature at the end of this life or return for another life
after a brief stay in a sort of "heaven" called the Summerland,
and that's not something that frightens me much.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Not really, but watching the casket go into the earth, somehow,
helped show me that this was truly the end of this stage of our
lives, and a bigger end for him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
Even though I was significantly more aware of the realities of
death than my young peers I still didn't understand enough to be
able to easily cope.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Dec 4 15:23:24 1997
F15 in , New York =The United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Lung Cancer; Aged: ?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
part of everyday life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and naive
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my father. He died of lung cancer. The reason I handled it so
"well" was because I was young and naive. I didn't begin to feel
emotions about it until 3 years later.Ididn't fully apprecite the
situation until 6 or 7 years after it happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my Mother's alcoholism and my lack of seriousness about it. I didn't
even cry at the time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my crying sessions years later
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the guilt that came years later and the knowing I will never be
able to hug this person again.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I haven't learned shit. I would much rather have him back than
learn important lessons about life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it happened. I was unaware of the seriousness of what had happened
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was in the happiest mood. I was unaffected by his death for a
long time. I was cheery when telling my friends what had happened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Let my dad know that I loved him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
How can I be thankful for what happened? I don't have a better
understanding of life because of what happened.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
wearing dark colors at the funeral. I did at my mother's request
but I didn't understand what the big deal was about wearing navy
or black.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I haven't been to his grave in years. One time a couple of years
ago I was in the parking lot by the cemetary and I couldn't contain
my tears. I want to visit his grave but I want to go alone.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My life would be completely different. My mom would have never
become involved with her dickhead boyfriend and she wouldn't be
a semi-alcoholic. I would have a real man around my house. Maybe
I would even be more athletic. Most of all I would have one more
person to love.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
years after it happened
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Hug him and never let go.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt guilty and cried. I prayed for forgiveness of my actions.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust. A few years ago we got an invite to a cancer survivors
reunion or something. You would think the hospital would be aware
of his death.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I don't know what hospice is.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a way for me to confess. I still feel guilt though so I am not sure
if I have been completely forgiven
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't have a broader view of the spirit and I don't feel my
father's presence although sometimes I know he is probably there.
--Regarding MONEY:
We didn't have as much
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I don't remember the funeral
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wish I got to know my father
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
When I hear about the death of my loved ones I am not so selfish
as to think, "What about me?" Maybe I will have those thoughts when
I am older but not now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Re: Other help dealing with death:
I didn't start to deal with it until a few years ago
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Dec 4 15:23:07 1997
Anonymous Guest in Nepean, Ontario =Canada=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of all my pain
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Wed Dec 3 22:00:34 1997
F21 in Calabasas, California =USA=
Name: Angie
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I was looking up stuff on facial beauty and found some other psych tests.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student, Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Both Parents, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
losing someone permanently.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to remember it well. I saw my mother crying and I
laughed at her because I never saw her cry before. She told me
it wasn't right to laugh at funerals. She didn't seem too upset
though.
--That first time, how it happened was
I was in 1st grade. My great grandfather from my mother's side
passed away. I was too young to really know what death really was
about and I didn't know my great grandfather well enough to mourn
his passing. I had never met him before.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of my parents' death is:
for a long time I felt that I wanted to die also. I didn't want
to continue to live when (my parent's died the same night in a car
accident) the two people I ever really loved died.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
?? I'm still learning myself.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned a lot about myself. My weaknesses mostly. But through
those realizations, I was able to become stronger.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My extended family. Although to be truthful, at the time of loss,
nothing could really assuage my feeling of emptiness and pain.
Although many people around me tried to be supportive, I don't think
I was really open to the support. I grew up with the mentality that
I could take care of myself. I think it was a mistake to shut people
out because that's when I needed them the most. But looking back,
i don't think i could have done it any other way. I had to cope
by myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with the fact that i would never see them again. knowing
that life would never be the same again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just that... "be there." Sometimes the person who is mourning
doesn't want excessive verbal support. It seems extraneous to say
what a terrible loss it was. Giving someone your presence is of
greater value than verbal condolences.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
continued to stay in school. my grades and motivation dropped
considerably. dragging myself to school everyday was really tough,
especially since studying was the last thing on my mind. I think
it's important to continue on with your life. Don't let things
slide because you might regret it later on when you realize how
much you value it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was struggling with the meaning of life. I don't have any
religious beliefs and death seemed like such a waste. Life seemed
meaningless. We live, but then we die.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed and never felt the urge to laugh about what happened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my parents how much i loved them. I also wished i could have
been a better daughter.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see or hear something familiar. something that reminds me of the
life i once had with my parents. it could be anything, a smell,
an object, an action.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about this sometimes, and i honestly don't know the answer.
I think I'd be happier being oblivious to the uglier side of life.
But I definately think that I grew as a person from my death
experience and i can't imagine knowing what I know now without
having had that experience.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Life is very unfair. Growing up, I thought everything had to
be fair. It was just another thing I had to deal with. Life is
definately NOT fair. I had to get over that ideal.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
accept it and move on. I always get stuck in the confusion of life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt so much pain that I didn't really want to continue living
anymore.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
science and medicine can't do everything.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nohting. I don't belong to church and i consider myself an agnostic.
I think death defintaely affected me a lot more negatively thinking
that there is no "heaven" where my parents could go to. Dealing with
death as dark oblivion is a tough thing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
?? i dont know. I feel that it is different for each individual.
I can't say that there is a "broader" view that transcends religion
or culture.
--Regarding MONEY:
I was very afraid. My parents died at a time when I was still in
high school with no means of supporting myself. Aside form dealing
with the pain of their deaths, I had to deal with the uncertainty
of my own future.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I felt that it was meaningless. I didn't really want to be there.
I was dealing with their deaths in a way that no one else was.
I felt alone although i was surrounded by people. I would have
rather stayed at home and cried my eyes out instead of doing it in
front a bunch of people whom i knew and didnt know.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
When it happened. My parents died in a car accident and that was
just strange for me to grasp with because accidents only happened
to other people. I had this belief that me and my loved ones
were invincible.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about it sometimes and it usually fills me with fear
and dread. I am afraid of the void that awaits us after death.
However, at other times i feel relief that one day, the pains of
the world would no longer bother me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I don't think i coped very well at all. I was a wreak. I didnt want
to do anything. Hated doing school work. Couldn't concentrate.
The only things that brought me release was when i was having fun
with my friends. When the fun will dull my pain, even if only for
short amounts of time.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
To be honest, I don't really have a ritual. I think the worst
is behind me. I've grown as a person and learned to accept the
uncompromising aspect of life. Once in a while i would look at
pictures just so that i wont forget what they looked like.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
I did not know my great grandfather at all to really care whether
he died or not (I know what sounds awful). I was just a little kid.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I've thought a lot about death in the past four years. I thought
about these thoughts almost on a daily basis in the first 2 years.
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Wed Dec 3 16:12:31 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
metacrawler
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: On Death and Dying
Authors: Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: cardiac arrest; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life and consciousness as is known by both the person
who dies and the people who love him
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried a lot and tried to help his family. It is hard.
--That first time, how it happened was
My fiance died while passed out from taking too many pills and
alcohol. He did not mean to die but overestimated his resistance
to pills.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
He was a unique, compassionate person that was well-loved and missed
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to share more and to get in touch with more spirituality but not
necessarily religion.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that he died in his sleep.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the suddenness and the need to rebuild my life. We had a lot of
plans and dreams and now they are gone. I also regret a lot of
things we did in terms of fighting and squabbles.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
carried on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I went through his personal effects and found many things from his
past like old girlfriends and it was hard to imagine that he had
relationships before ours.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never felt this.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have a baby gril, get married, get our company going, travel,
kiss more, make love more, appreciate him more, be more sensitive
to his needs, ask him a lot of questions about his past.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live with him and be with him for three years.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember happy times.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i DO THIS
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
What do I do now?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go back in time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
have not gotten to this point yet.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did nothing. Support groups are needed.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that everyone is equal in death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was beautiful but small.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
acceptance.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
ill health, inability to function, disorientation, memory loss,
indifference.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There are many unresolved issues. I believe that once I learn how
to meditate that the answers will come.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I hope to have this soon.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I prayed and forgave.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
praying and meditation
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
Re: Other help dealing with death:
One Day AT A TIME
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
Good memories made me sad
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Wed Dec 3 12:36:52 1997
F29 in Santa Cruz, CA =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, .25 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 50.
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--Death Is:
losing somebody. They are here, and then suddenly they are not after
we have become used to knowing that they are present in our lives.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not know how to react.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My paternal grandmother died of lung cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the anguish of my mother-in-law's husband. He is so alone now.At
least my husband has me, but his father has no one he can talk
to if he needs to. He is not the sort of person who shares his
feelings anyway, but if he ever did, it was with his wife. And
she's no longer there.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that its main effects are on those left behind, not on the person
who died.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
for a while, it brought my husband's family a lot closer than they
ever had been. To some extent, I think they will always be more
close because of what they went, and continue to go, through. For
myself, I realized that I was capable of a lot more than I ever
would have thought.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I was there for my husband, that I was a help to him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I have never let myself grieve fully, as I felt that I had to
be there for the family.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't push the person to enjoy things you think they might or
should. Offer, but if they do not want, let them be.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she died. I still have not dealt fully with it. It still does not
feel real at all.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helped. I had seen a friend go through her father's death,
and respected that they didn't refrain from laughing because "it
was wrong."
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
do more for her before. We didn't know how serious it was (according
to her wishes), but I still wish I had spoiled her more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my husband's family. I was a part of it all, yet she
was not MY mother, although I loved her dearly. So I was able to
attend to the mundane things, like food and cleaning, that they
were not of a mind to.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Wed Dec 3 12:08:45 1997
F39 in Miami, FL =USA=
Name: Maria E. Riera
Email: <Pinky_39-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
browsing
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Prof/Studies: Administration
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Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: respiratory failure/operation; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A transitional state where we embark to another state.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I suffered from a nervous attack. I couldn't stop laughing.
I was about 12 years old and no one took the time to explain what
was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
My school's pastor's mother had passed away and the class had to
go to the funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How important it is to prepare oneself for this. We spend our entire
life not thinking about it when we should prepare for it from birth.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We all die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My father did not die until I was ready to let him go. He spend
16 days in intensive care. When the time came, we were both ready.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
never having left his side.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting the material part of my father go. His physical self.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know that there is nothing to be afraid of and that they
are not alone. Help them relieve themselves of all that is of the
material sense.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I was "Daddy's little girl". I miss my father more than anything
in this world. But as a daughter and a friend, I know that I did
all that was in my powers. Even at the end I had to fight a legal
battle with the hospital to take off the respiratory so that my
father could die with dignity. His hands had been tied so that he
would not take off the tubes and because he was still conscous they
did not want to take the respirator off even though he had only a 5%
chance of recovery. I had promised my father before he went into
surgery that I would not prolong his life and that was important
that I keep my promise. I fought for his rights and my father died
with the dignity that he deserved. It was the most dificult thing
that I had to do. As his daughter I would have hung on with all
the tubes and respirators the hospital had, but that was not what
my father wanted. He helped me let go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it dawnd on me that my father was going to die. That it was
his turn. No one had prepared me for this. I realized at that
point that what I wanted was no longer important. Helping my
father through this transition was. Telling him not to be afraid.
Telling him that I was him and that I would not leave his side.
Telling him that I loved him with all my soul and that I believed
that we would always e together in soul and spirit. He was my father
in this life and there had be a purpose for that. All this came
to me during the many hours I had to sit in silence at his bedside.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
As a child I remember feeling terrible about my outburst of laughter.
But I didn't know the lady that was lying in the coffin. It was
just nerves. When my father died, I had not one ounce of joy.
All I wanted was to go with my father. Continue doing everything
I could. I was left with that emptiness of "it's over".
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Hold him one last time. Though I was with him when he died, it
still does not seem enough. Just one last time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be his daughter.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I can't think of one "small" thing. Everything related to my
father's death is all so BIG.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
A specific religion. I was raised catholic. But when my father
died, I was his priest. I prayed for him out loud and he prayed
with me. I gave my father all the religous support that he needed.
Which religion is correct? I sure don't know so I gave my father
the peace of god and knowing that he did the best that he could in
this life and that he was the best father in the world. He was a
very good friend, husband, father and human being.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
just to remember that he won't be coming home anymore is bad enough.
I still weep for my father, I still feel the pain of not being with
his physical self. I don't think that ever goes away. I talk to
him alot still, that helps some.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
All very wishful thinking. Fact is he is no longer here in this
life. We will reunite. I believe that to be so. I can't believe
in a God that would make us live this life and then that is it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It isn't. But what is fair. To have had my father out live
me? I don't think so. So even though we believe it to be unfair,
everything related to life and death is fair. It is destiny and
that is what we are all here for.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I wish I could What?! What could I possibly wish for? Time can only
go forward. And guess what? We are all going to die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt short changed. I felt that everyone else had there both
parents and that I was cheated out of years of being able to enjoy
with my Dad. It took some time to realize that it was my father's
turn to go. He had served his purpose in this life and it was time
for him to go on to better things.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
There is a time when one has to stop and let people die the way
nature has intended it to be. What good is living in a hospital
bed, breathing & eating through tubes. How long before one
decide that THAT is not life. I believe my father died during
his first repiratory failure five days prior. The five days that
followed that were me dealing with his eye contact plea to please
stop the machines. The look in his eyes remind me of my promise.
The entire medical staff was pro pulling the plug, yet no one wanted
to sign and thake repsonsibilty for the proper course of action,
even though my mother, my brother and myself had all signed the
request for not to prolong life.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I bathed, changed his bandages and was part of all my fathers
procedures during the entire time he was in there. I gave my father
his last bath. His last meal. Though I am not a nurse type
at all and in fact have never and will never work with the sick,
there was never anything that I could do for my father in order to
make him confortable.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I have no idea. God was what most mattered and telling my father
that he would be reunited with his own dead family members.
Trying to make him feel he was going to familiar surroundings.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Universal. It's like a big pot where all religous beliefs are all
thrown in together and stirrred.
--Regarding MONEY:
We handled it. I did not work for an entire month. I had no income
during the entire time. I handled it. Everything else just seems
less important.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was still active and busy during this entrie time. There were
things still to do for my father. Attend to his friends and
co workers. I ws still on duty. Unrested.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I lost touch with everything else around me. My home, my career,
my life, and any other emotion that had not to do with my father
and helping him recover and getting him home. Just trying to get
him home.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
If they are conscious, even if they can't speak, they communicate
with there eyes, their touch. My father and I were able to speak
without saying one word, up until his last breath. In my attempt to
become one with my father, I was able to know when the time was near.
I knew it was time to let go even though it was against my nature
not do continue on and on in any attempt to keep my father alive,
just as I had done so before, 10 years prior my father had cancer
and underwent surgery where his bladder and prostate were removed.
It was in my nature to have held on and on and on and on. I wanted
my father alive at all cost. But in one split second, looking
into my fathers eyes, I was ready to let go of the most precious,
the man i had loved all of my life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he was visted by his dead brothers and sisters.. He spoke to me at
times, not making sense but yet I understood everything he said.
In his last breath, I felt that ssomeone was waiting for him.
I felt him leave.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that I am continually resolving issues with my father.
Just because they are dead does not mean that you can not come
to terms with unresolved issues. On the contrary, they have all
the time in the world now to listen. So speak up, because they
are listening.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I had all the conversation while he ws alive and I continue to
do so now. That is the only aspect of our relationship that has
not changed.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want my loved ones to do what would make them most comfortable.
If they want my ashes, ok. If they want to bury me six feet under
or put me in a condo, ok. If they want to throw me in a river,
that's ok to. I will be gone, they will stay to live out the rest
of their time, what ever is best for them. I will be taken care of
where I am going. My father will have my accomodations ready for me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am ready. My father's last gift to me in this life was teaching
me about death. It is the most natural thing in this world.
As natural as living. We are born and then we die. To two if's
and buts about it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Love. Love is all that you take with you. This is something
that is done not just while they are alive, but after death.
Love never dies.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I pray for my father every night and every morning. I live life
eveyday doing the best that I can. I try to insure good karma
every minute of the day.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
As a child we were "spared" unpleasentness.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Heavy. It is one thing to constantly think of one situation over and
over again, but it is entirely diferent when you put it in writing.
It takes a diferent tone.
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Tue Dec 2 17:49:17 1997
M29 in Goshen IN, INDIANA =United States=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Looking for extra credit for my psychology class by surfing the net for experiments to help in.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Pet Cemetary, The Fall of House of Usher
Authors: Stephen King and Edgar Allen Poe
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 54 yrs.
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--Death Is:
is not the end but the begining to something else that the LORD
GOD ALMIGHTY has in store for us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young child in grade school and knew very little of what was
really happening.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...The individual that passed away was a Catholic
priest with the rank on monsignor and my parish's pastor. I did
not know him because I was in the first grade at that school, but
he was known to my family. I was involved because I was going to
school there.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how all the friends and relatives reflected on the good times and
the strength this person had to continue with a smile on her face
through the bad times.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
is to fall back on the teachings of the bible and what Christ tolds
about death and the heavenly Father's goal for us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the strenght that others give in this time to help those who death
takes its toll on to get through it and continue with life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
was hving family and friends near to remember the good times.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was a feeling of emptiness and the knowledge I will never lay my
eyes on the person again until the Father calls me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
was not present.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
and the others found the strength to care on by relying on others
and the God the Father.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was a young child and it wasn' t until I was older and it was
explained to me what was going on.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I glad I did laugh because it brought the pleasant memories to the
surface and washed away the bad ones.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell my grandparents when they died how much I really loved them.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the need for some many plants.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wonder about my own death and wonder still more will my grandparent
be there to meet me when I cross over.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have some many things to have shared with my grandparents
which would have multiplied the experiences a hondred fold.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run and hired.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went looking for that person out of reflex.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical field has come along way since than.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
one of being glad they were there,.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the corner stone that supported me during this time.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was not really an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
is it is sad that it takes a time like this for so many people
to stop acting like children and put there differences aside to
come together.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
a viewing at an open casket.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the last sign that the person is at peace and they have seen to
the needs of those who will survive them.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am fine with the way things are.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you and I know. It would give an inner peace and kill the
I wish I did this".
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
First I would be shocked but I think I would come to terms with it
and in my last days I would spend time with friends and family and
leave them good memories and look to my Savior Christ to lead me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
laughing out loud with friends and family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
By reading the questions and answering them this helped to lessen
the fear I have about my own death by trying to see it through the
eyes of those who will survive me.
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Tue Dec 2 17:20:55 1997
F16 in Pilot Knob, Missouri =USA=
Name: Becky Politte
Email: <tuttifrutti-at-HoTMaiL.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, abuot 12yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: newborn.
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--Death Is:
A thing that we see every day but never get used to.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...
My mother had a wreck and lost my little brother. she was full
term and Fletcher was still born.
I was to small to really understand,but now being 16 I understand
how my mother must of felt.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I wasn't old enough to understand.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
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Tue Dec 2 14:36:24 1997
M21 in Laurel Springs, NJ ==
Name: Kevin
Email: <syke1195-at-rowan.edu>
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looking for research on adoption and child development for college course
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Prof/Studies: music education at Rowan University of NJ
Recommended Reading:
Titles: Holy Bible
Authors: Jesus Christ, the Apostles: Paul, John, and Peter
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 22?.
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--Death Is:
usually a fearful and worrisome topic. Many fear when their time
is up or worry that they will never see a particular person or pet
ever again. I used to feel that way a few years ago. However,
now I have faith and a relationship with Jesus Christ, in that,
the Bible contains God,s promise that we have something great and
wonderful waiting for us when we die. It is called heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
got over it well because I was too young to understand the subject
of death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandfather died when I five. He lived in
England so I only have four memories of him when he and my grandma
visited.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how it affected my sister, who used to be good friends with this
suicide victim. She felt bad because he got messed up with drugs
and that was the reason she stopped talking to him. He called a
few times but my sister was never home. He gave in because he felt
there was no one left in his life.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that Death frees us from the problems and worries of this world
and through faith takes us to a better place.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Death has no gifts, but through Christ there is eternal life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my father was leaving for England to be with my grandfather,
I asked if I could go too. My father said no and I asked,"Why,
doesn't grandpa want to see me?" My father tried to explain as best
he could that grandpa wasn't in the "best of shape".
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
witness to him. He was having so much trouble and something could
have been done if the signs were noticed. I felt it was none of my
business because he was my sister's friend.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I did get teary-eyed remembering that he did call and no one was
there for him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He hung himself in his bedroom early on a Saturday morning. His
girlfriend had left him and because of his addiction he lost all
of his friends.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt bad for my sister's friend. Felt as if I should have talked
to him when he used to call for my sister. He called for over
a period of months and sometimes it seemed as if he was upset. I
wished I had talked to him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A great support system. Other Christians and the Lord himself are
always very supportive of people in need.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
My sister's friend wasn't saved and therefore will unfortunately
suffer for eternity. I'm not sure if my grandpa was saved and that
bothers me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I hadn't seen him in years and was upset and even felt responsible.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
A person's voice and mannerisms. Always ask if a person is ok,
even if you might feel stupid. If something is wrong and you ask
them enough eventually they will tell you.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He had a horrible death. Sorrow and then hung himself from his
ceiling.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
When people are suffering before their death, those that hold
on until the end show to other people that one can be strong and
patient through suffering.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel whenever the Lord is ready for me, however if it were to
happen soon I wouldn't have lived a long, fulfilling life. But I'll
get over it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
Re: Other help dealing with death:
Only have a few memories so on occasion I get upset because I didn,t
know him well.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Review of my beliefs. I remembered many things that were forgotten
about the experiences.
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Tue Dec 2 06:30:58 1997
F43 in Baltimore, Maryland =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2YEARS ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure; Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the completion of the life cycle.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...our Babysitter, who had now become my friend
was ill. She had a stroke and I did not go to visit her because I
was to interested in my boyfriend. I feel I let her down, when she
had always been there for me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my mother's face and never having said goodbye and how much I cared
for her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
certain
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made me reflect on all the good times and the little things that
made my life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Dear Friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never saying goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I lay down to go to sleep at night.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
we were just getting to be good friends, not mother and daughter
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it all
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great compassion and support
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the comfort of knowing that we will see that loved one again
--Regarding MONEY:
organized distribution, until my father remarried, now it is a
battle ground.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the lenght of the whole funeral thing. I felt it was hard enough
for us, let alone the agony of the funeral home for three days and
then the funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
thinking she was just sleeping and would wake up again
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
able to eat what they want and actually desire different things. Also
I think they know, my mom wanted my husband to go and bring her
sisters in from out of state. She was able to hang on until she
saw them.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none that I know of
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to have said how much I loved her and wanted to hear
from her that I was OK and that she was not displeased with me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would worry about my children, who would help them with the
problems of life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Guilt
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
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Mon Dec 1 14:13:32 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 87.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
dint feel anything
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my uncle died in an auto accident. i didnt
feel any grief,though i was sorry for him. we had never been very
close. my grandfather also died. again same no great grief
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how peaceful the body looked. happy at peace.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing much
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing much
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
insensitivity
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never did
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
acceptance of the inevitable
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
whats beyond. why so much unpleasentness. why no easy death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
show more feeling
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
forget
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
no teary eyed, just bleakness, sordidity, fear,
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
dunno
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we should have to die without belief. at leat happy hunting
grounds
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
nah
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt afraid for myself. feared the inevitable. tried to banish
it from my mind. death is terrible, the end of everything
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
incredulity, they were useless. jsut acted like pompous ill mannered
dogs. thay were so used to it , they no longer respect the dying
cells
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Mon Dec 1 07:33:20 1997
F20 in Mechanicville, New York =Saratoga=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: massive heart attack; Aged: 68.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is the way to living this world and going to heaven,but only
if you believe in our Lord Jesus Christ.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was at work with one of my pateint's and she died while I was
bathing her.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died of a massive heart atteck.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
Re: Other help dealing with death:
knowing that she went to a better place (heaven).
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Mon Dec 1 04:53:37 1997
M19 in Strängnäs, - =Sweden=
Name: Christoffer Blomlöf
Email: <LeeHarvey-at-innocent.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searched for poems about suicide
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Prof/Studies: Student
Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 0.5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 84.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the only thing we are sure to experience. It is the end of our
physical life, when we disappear from everybody else but we hopefully
still live in the memories of people we touched in some way in life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 19 years old, my grandma died of old age. I was in deep guilt
because I didnt take time to say goodbye to her before she died.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandma died just a few month ago.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how much she really meant to me.
--What I think my (Sweden) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to talk more open about it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that she didnt suffer the last time in life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the funeral.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Take time if you know that the person doesnt have very long to
go. Take time to say goodbye.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found out about it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say bye bye.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
talking in the family.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see some of her belongings or walking by outside her flat.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would take more time to spend with her and talk.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
got very depressed and angry at myself. and sad of course.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they helped us alot and made it easier.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I dont really know but I am sure i will meet her again.
--Regarding MONEY:
were not important
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how silent it was.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I thought she knew she was going.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My dad
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
A chance to say goodbye.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I wait for it with a good heart
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I light a candle sometimes
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I value life and friends more after what happened
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
Re: Other help dealing with death:
My Friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me a bit sad, because I had to think back
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See Current contributions.
See Nov 97 contributions.
See Oct 97 contributions.
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