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See Current contributions.
See Oct 97 contributions.
See Sep 97 contributions.
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Sun Nov 30 18:31:32 1997
F14 in , Wisconsin =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, about 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: an abdominal aneurysm; Aged: 84.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the endpoint of life. It's really difficult to explain death
to humans, let alone an alien, but that's basically what it is.
And also, because of my religious beliefs, I would say that it is
when the soul leaves the body and goes to heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was actually too young to remember or understand. I was 3 and my
sister had died at birth. My only recollection is at the funeral
home. It was quiet and dim and there was a white box on a table.
Only later did I realize that the box was my sister's coffin.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died when I was around 12.
I wasn't all that close to him, but it still affected me a lot
because it was the first time death affected me. I had a younger
sister who died at birth. I was only 3 at the time and didn't
understand the situation. My grandfather's death, however, was
much different seeing as I understood more about death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how confused I was. I realized how much death affects you, even
when you weren't all that close to the person who died. I wasn't
particularly close to my grandfather, but at the visitation, I
cried harder than I have ever cried in my life. It was the first
time I had seen a (pardon the insensitive way of putting this,
but) dead body. It scared me so much.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't really know. Even in one certain culture, all people
deal with death differently.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandfather's suffering was over. He hadn't been feeling well
and refused to go to the doctor. His death was quick, and I felt
a little bit better knowing he had gone to a better place.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
how in a strange way, my grandfather's death brought our family
closer together.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing how precious life is and how easy it can be taken away.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to continue with my life. It's hard for anyone to lose
someone, but at 12 years old, it's especially hard. You're at
an age where nothing makes sense and death complicates it more.
I want others to know that there are better times in sight and to
keep living for those times.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandfather was buried. I knew he was dead, but I kept thinking
it wasn't true, that he couldn't be gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I couldn't laugh, I was so confused.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
learn more about my grandpa. He wasn't a very outgoing man,
but nice in his own way. A while after his death, I thought
back to a time not long before he died. All of a sudden, he
started doing things with my sister and I, playing games and stuff.
He had never really done that before. I caught myself thinking,
"It's like he knew he was going to die soon and was trying to make
up for lost time." I really freaked myself out when I thought that,
but I kind of think it's true.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I don't fully understand the question.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I realized how a death can bring people closer together, if even
for a moment.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see pictures of my grandpa or talk about him to relatives.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that anyone has to die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Well, I'm embarrassed to admit this, and I don't know why this
happened to me, but I couldn't cry. I still don't understand it,
but when it sunk in that my grandpa was dead, I still couldn't cry.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
There wasn't much that the doctors could do for him. He was too
old to operate on and the aneurysm was too big. They made him
comfortable and that's about it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
sanctuary. I felt strangely at peace at my grandpa's funeral,
maybe because I was in a church.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people's lives my grandpa touched throughout his life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
at the visitation at the funeral home, when the casket is open.
I think it's disgusting. I know it's a way of saying goodbye,
but it's just gross, in my opinion.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am afraid that I'll die before I'm ready. For instance, I
would not want to die tomorrow (knock on wood) because I haven't
had a chance to (corny as it sounds) fall in love, get married,
have kids, and other things. I want all of those things, and
the thought and fear of death gets in the way.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think my grandpa's death made me mature a lot. I think about
things differently and am more sensitive than I used to be.
All of this sounds weird coming from a 14 year old girl, but I
was significantly changed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Re: Other help dealing with death:
My friends helped me a lot also.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
I will admit that I am horribly afraid of death, even at age 14.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire helped me sort out my thoughts about death.
I'm not saying I'm more at peace with death, but it helped with
my confusion on the subject.
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Sun Nov 30 16:23:34 1997
F56 in Aiken, SC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: extreme old age - heart; Aged: 96.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
part of the natural life cycle
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt that the funeral was barbaric
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My mother died at the age of 54, suddenly
from a massive heart attack. I was only 17 at the time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Because my father had developed senile dementia or Alzheimer's
disease it was rather a relief. All the worst aspects of
his personality came to the surface during his final years.
He had always been someone I respected and admired, and this
was shattering.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is healthier to have a party and celebrate someones life
than to have a cold formal ritual. (Actually, I am of two minds
because the liturgical aspects of the funeral are very comforting
and often all one can process.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My half-brother who was angry with our father because of the
divorce, was able to talk through his pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My church family. My husband.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Irrational anger for his having dementia.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
He wouldn't allow me to be there. He insisted that I go home.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
finally worked through my anger and started thinking again about
the positive and happy times we shared.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I kept having flashbacks.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
with my mother's death - I wish I had the opportunity to get
completely through the awful teenage years before she died.
I have a daughter now who is 20 and has made it through purple
hair and other rebelliousness to become a lovely young woman. I
hope my mom knows that I turned out ok.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having a big funeral for my father.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a friend's parent dies I go into mourning for them (or me?)
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
When my mother died, it took several days to acknowledge it, I
finally was able to cry all night with my best friend.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The doctor was very apologetic, I felt I had to comfort him and
tell him he did everything just right (he did) I try to make a
point of letting my friends who are doctors and nurses know that
I appreciate and honor their caring.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My father was deeply conflicted about religion and never made peace
with God to my knowledge. However, one of the final things he said
to me was that the Hound of Heaven was after him .. so maybe he
was actually at peace when he died. We had a funeral service
during the regular Sunday service (Episcopal) so I was able to be
comforted by all my friends at that time. His ashes will rest in
the church columbarium, which I am helping to plan.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We share the knowledge that we are going to die, that we will
miss those who die before us and we all die in the hope that we
will have some immortality - even if our lives are known only
to God. Without that sense of resting in God I still feel that
everyone dies in the hope that his or her life has touched someone.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
with my mother, something was terrible wrong with her makeup
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Each person's death is different
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
see above about the Hound of Heaven
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My daughter has congenital heart disease which has involved several
close calls. During one of these I called my priest, who said
he was about to say Mass and would offer it up for Jennifer. At
that point I felt "the peace beyond all understanding" and I have
continued in that mode since.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have a living will, a regular will and sufficient insurance I
let my family know I love them every day. I don't harbor grudges
and work always for peace and justice.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel peaceful about it. The world will keep turning without me.
I hope people will remember me kindly.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Re: Other help dealing with death:
Later on in life, it has been my growing religious faith and
knowledge
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
Was stoic, not proper to demonstrate grief publicly
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Sun Nov 30 10:43:08 1997
F18 in Woodstock, Connecticut =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Coperinic web search
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Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a void in your life when you try to say goodbye to someone who can
no longer hear your voice.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt more alone than I ever had in my life.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died suddenly of prostate
cancer, two days later my great grandmother died as well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
trying to make my parents feel better. I didn't think of how I felt,
just how they were feeling.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
teach children about it before it happens, not after it happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I became closer to my grandmother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my teddy bear.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing empty chairs, their absence at holidays.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
held things together and was a model for my family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the funeral. I had no idea why my grandfather and great grandmother
were being lowered into the ground.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
screamed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
Re: Other help dealing with death:
Trying to help my family deal was the best therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
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Sat Nov 29 11:54:35 1997
Anonymous Guest 16 in Brussels, Bxl =Belgium=
F16 in Brussels, Bxl =Belgium=
Email: <davamp-at-innfonie.be>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo, Entertainement, surveys, Psychological surveys...
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Prof/Studies: high school
Recommended Reading:
Titles: The Bell Jar
Authors: Sylvia Plath
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 1.5years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our body and our soul are separated and the body stops
working. We don't know what happens to the soul, it is a great
mystery to us all.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Missed them...a lot
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my gransfather was at hospital and he died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Blaming myself, but that was because it was suicide. In a way I
felt that if he decided to go, he must be better wherever he is now.
--What I think my (Belgium) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it makes us appreciate life more and many peole don't realize
that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it made me realize how important friends are in one's life. Mine
were great and helped me a great deal.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends, and my logical thinking.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fuss and comments
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
holding their hand...make them FEEL you close...
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
respected his decision to commit suicide in the end.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found him dead, in the bathtub, his wrists slit...
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was happy for him and I was remembering the fun we had together. It
was so good that I had to laugh...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk him out of it...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be the one who found him. I don't know why... It just matters a
lot to me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I found that before he slit his wrists he had carved my initial on
his arm with the razorblade, as to have me with him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that he did it, and especially why. I think that if he felt that
it was better this way, it certainly must be.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the picture of him dead comes back.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If he didn't do it, he wouldn't be the same. So I can't immagine.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why am I here?"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die too
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
froze and started having flashbacks of better days.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
none. He was already dead. doctors couldn't help him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that our souls might be all united later, somewhere...
--Regarding MONEY:
none. Both under 18.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that people thought that I was a fake, because I only was his
girlfriend and because I accepted his suicide so well.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
facing his parents. I thought they'd blame me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
don't ask me...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no...
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
none, no
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
why he did it. Maybe feel positive that it was a correct decision.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would like people to remember me as an honest person who didn't
want to follow everyone else.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I wouldn't mind, I would enjoy as much as I had left to the max. I
will probably commit suicide one day...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just thinking of the good times...and thinking that it might be
better that way.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Re: Other help dealing with death:
I just believed it was another state...
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's good to say these things, and I am glad if I have helped you
by doing so.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Maybe you should include something about suicide...
[ Ed Note: We're revising the questionnaire and expect to have
a special section for suicide. ]
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Fri Nov 28 18:06:05 1997
Anonymous AOL Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Recommended Reading:
Authors: Betty J. Eadie
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 80's.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died when I was four.
I really didn't know what was going on, but I remember that I was
upset that I couldn't go to the funeral.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to feel sorry for those that are dead. They are free and don't
hurt anymore.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Re: Other help dealing with death:
Death is like a graduation, where you get to go home to God.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Fri Nov 28 13:34:25 1997
F19 in Edmonton, ALberta =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Just browsing through some stuff and found it..it looked interesting.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 91.
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--Death Is:
When the shell we carry around our soul ceases to function, and so
the soul moves on to something else.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
threw a fit and screamed, "It's not fair!!"
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my Grandmother who died of Cancer..we
(me and my brother) didn't even know she had Cancer... they didn't
tell us.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
everyone was very quiet...I dont even remember crying but I did feel
very much pain and grief.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Re: Other help dealing with death:
I believe that when someone dies...they're in a happier place..that
helps me alot.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
It was hard to talk about with my family..
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Thu Nov 27 20:47:12 1997
Anonymous Guest in Peekskill, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died at age 62 from cancer,
then my aunt died, then my other aunt, then my uncle....all when
I was in high school.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Wed Nov 26 13:19:24 1997
F16 in Frazier Park, CA =USA=
Email: <remkelly-at-frazmtn.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: student
Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: colon cancer; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the soul leaves the body and goes on to a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 7. My friend died over a weekend. I was told it was of
mysterious causes. I still wonder
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... When I was in 1st grade, a friend of
mine died. They did not tell us why.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
what my friend told me when we were kids. She said: "I doubt I
will live to be 18." She didn't.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that there are many places for the soul to go.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I realized my own mortality and I knew such a wonderful
person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
thinking of memories I had of her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I would never hear her voice, see her in her room,
do the things we used to do.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
understand their grief when their loved ones die.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her more, talk to her more, get her opinion on stuff.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her three days before she died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
where their soul went.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I relive the memories and visit our old neighborhood.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would still have my best friend.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I should be left here alone.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hug her one last time and tell her how much I love her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and thought of all the memories.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sadness. It's a rare disease in people under 50...she was just
a fluke.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
It was so scary.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
scary. I lost 3 people in 1 year...it makes me feel cursed.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the crying and the song her cousin sang for her.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her family without her.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weakness...she was so weak.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There are no unresolved issues.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel like I am a curse to those around me. I also feel that my
life will not be very long.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote her a long letter.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Re: Other help dealing with death:
Lots and lots of crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me let go of another little part.
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Tue Nov 25 20:04:18 1997
F32 in Blackfoot, Idaho =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The freeing of our spirit. Or bodies get old and die. Our minds
and soul live on .
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I took care of my families needs. I have 4 younger brothers who
needed me to be strong.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My father died in an Auto accident on the
way to the airport to pick up one of my brothers. A day before
thanksgiving.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Being busy. Hugging my brothers. Praying for my fathers
soul. Remembering the love my father gave to all of my family.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To let go. I am caring for my dying mother at home. I find that I
don't want her to leave me. I know that I am selfish. But I can't
help it. I
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It reunited my family. I some times feel gulity that my father had
to die to bring my family togeather.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Caring for my family. It kept me from dealing with the death of
my father.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Reaching for the phone to call my father and realizing that he
wasn't going to answer.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Always remember, no request is to big or to small. My mother is
dying as I write this. Sometimes she will ask for something to drink
and change her mind 5 times before she gets what taste right to her.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to my father one last time. Then I realize that it still
wouldn't be enough. I wouldn't want to let go again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Greatfulness.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice has been so supportiive of my caring for my mother. I have
constant contact with my mothers nurse. If I have any questions,
she is always there. I couldn't do this with out her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing. I believe that my personal walk with God in just that,
personal. I pray several times during the day. I also thank God
for every day my mother is givin.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Right. My dying mother talks to her dead father , brother, and my
dead father. I had a very hard time dealing with this because it
made me question where these people are. It seems to make my mother
more comfortable about dying.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money is not an issue.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My dying mother often talks with our dead relitives. Sometimes I
will see someone out of the corner of my eye and turn around and
no one is there. Mother says that it is usually my father.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
Re: Other help dealing with death:
I am the oldest of 5 children. They all needed me. I had no time
to deal with my fathers death on a personal level.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
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Mon Nov 24 20:24:45 1997
F55 in Arkansas =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 mo ago.
Cause of Death: Massive heart attack Aged: 77.
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--Death Is:
The loss of all life activity in the body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Wonderd where their soul went after it
left the body
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was..a friend in school ,car wreck
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The calm that came over her face .
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to accept death as part of the scheme of things .... a part of
the cycle of nature.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mom is new where ever her soul is it is well and healthy again
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
What my mom taught me about life & death.
And the great creator
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The aloneness . not being able to get a voice reply when I talk
To her
--Regarding just being there for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there & willing to do a somewhat silly request of the
Dying person, and also give them permission to go (that you will
Be alright)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Convince her to take better care of herself maybe she would still
Be here/ then again that is my wish not her's
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be with her and hold her hand and sing her favorite hymn and kiss
her good bye,and tell her how much I loved her and the I would miss
her but I would be ok if she just had to go.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
On days when everything that could has gone wrong and I feel sorry
for myself I cry. Then I remember mom saying so what are you going
to do about things how ya gonna fix it and I quit feeling and start
doing instead of sitting
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I still need my momma
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Little
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Right
--Regarding MONEY:
It takes a lot of it and everyone else wants more thatn you have
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We had a remembrance ceremony not a funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My letting my mother go & keeping my own sanity.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issues
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would want live every day as if it was my last. And be sure to
tell those I love that I love them
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I tried to do everything exactly as mom and I had talked about she
had the foresight to tell me exactly what she wanted and then left me to
do it for her and I did
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have become more determined to achieve what I want out of life
... a home ,garden, a few chickens and a goat or two .. and I will.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Mon Nov 24 17:20:31 1997
F25 in , California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 2 days ago.
Cause of Death: heart and lung problems; Aged: 23.
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--Death Is:
when our bodies expire, our hearts no longer beat, our lungs no
longer breathe. Our bodies remain on this Earth, while our souls
go on to another place (heaven) for eternity.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Best friend at age 27 died from drowning in
the bathtub after having a epileptic siesure. this happened two
years ago. Most recent was 2 days ago, 23 year old cousin died
from history of heart and lung problems.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Not being able to handle another death so close from the last
one.Being very depressed.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The special times I did have with my friend and cousin before
they died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends greiving with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I would never see them again, in physical form.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
The pain and loss is always there, but the hurt becomes less
with time.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i still don't understand why I did.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much i loved her, and how special she was to me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something that reminds me of them, a picture or something
that relates to something we did together.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That God would take these people so young, before they had a chance
to live life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it was about a week after her death.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
prayer, and help to deal with the stress from my God.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We all have souls and I think no matter what culture or religion we
all go to another place when we die, Earth is only a mere fraction
of our lives, we just pass through this place called Earth and when
our bodies die we move on to another world.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
NA, friend didn't have a funeral for friend, only family. This
recent death is too soon for a funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
still feeling their presence after they died.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
if they are happy where thay are at, if I knew this , I really
think I would have a much easier time with their death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Spending time with friends who also knew the people that had died,
and remembering good times that we had shared with that person.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I now know that God can take any of us away at any time, that we
should live our lives like it is our last day here.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
Re: Other help dealing with death:
didn't really know how to handle it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This let me think about the positive and negative on death
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Sat Nov 22 11:36:29 1997
F30 in , =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: sudden heart attack; Aged: 66.
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--Death Is:
the end of our mortal existence on earth, when our spirit parts
company with our body. It is the source of much grief for those
left behind but perhaps only a transition from one state to the
next for the person who dies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to realize what the loss of my grandmother for the
rest of my life meant.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother who lived with our family died
when I was 12 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the numbness, punctuated by the most intense emotional pain I have
ever known.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that grief does not end at a set time following the loved one's
death. That the sympathy and reverence that we give to the dead
would often be better distributed among their survivors.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that although my daughter's arrival only a month after my father's
death was very difficult, it was perfectly timed in many ways as
it was a blessing to us and to my mother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
listening to music that my father and I had listened to together,
feeling his presence in the house he had built.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the helplessness, the never wanting to let go, the flood of memories
that were suddenly elevated from mundane to precious.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
managed to get through my father's death, my baby's birth, and the
death of two aunts within 12 months. Time is truly the only balm
for this wound.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Immediately after I was told that my father died but before the
shock set in. I was totally disoriented. I just didn't understand
how he could died while I was pregnant with a baby he wanted to
see so much. As if the two were mutually exclusive! But I just
couldn't comprehend it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I think that it is a good thing that we go into shock after someone
close to us dies, otherwise we could never get up in the morning.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
show my baby to my father. I think about that all the time, it is
my biggest regret. I also deeply regret not being able to tell him,
after my daughter was born, that now I really understand from the
heart how much he loved me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
lean on the support of my husband.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I went to my parents' house the night after my father died and
I walked on the place where he had fallen down and died. It was
almost like I could walk through into the "other side" if I just
tried hard enough. It was spooky. The snow shovel he had been
using was right where he had left it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Everyone was concerned about seeing the body, how he looked, etc. and
after the first 5 minutes it didn't even seem like him at all.
It didn't affect me anywhere near as much as I would have thought.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I particularly associate my father with certain songs, or with the
foods he used to cook and which I'll never be able to have again
(they just won't be the same).
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I often imagine how our family would be so much closer and how my
daughter would have so much love from him that I had.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
My father died only a year after retirement, having worked as
a manual labourer all his life. He also never got to see his
granddaughter, and he adored children (especially girls).
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was mad at other people who weren't as deeply affected because
their life hadn't stopped, too.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
skepticism. They can have all the great life-saving devices they
like, but many times you have to basically collapse into the hands
of a doctor in a fully-equipped hospital to stand any chance at all.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I did not have much contact with organized religion since my
childhood until my father died. I remember a few months before
that we were talking and he said I'd probably be more interested
as I got older. I didn't understand what he meant then but was he
ever right! I have since felt a need to reach out, to allow myself
to be comforted, to comfort others, and to express my spirituality.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe that when we die, our spirit goes on into another plane.
We can call it heaven if we like, but either way a part of us
survives and joins with other spirits. Maybe that is what God is?
Everyone's spirit, joined eternally? I don't know but I do feel
that death is not "the end".
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I felt that it was ritualized to the point where it didn't have much
meaning for me (other than the singing of some hymns which meant
a lot to my father). My own "funeral" for my father is something
that I live every day. It isn't a one hour deal. But I understand
the need for ritual, especially as I know it helped my mother cope.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I kept having visions of my father's body decomposing (I know
that's really gross). I have never told anyone about this before,
but I can't seem to help it, it's like an unconscious preoccupation.
It happens less now than before, but sometimes it still happens.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I know now that my father was probably experiencing some prelude to
his heart attack because he kept having cold sweats and "heartburn",
which he totally shook off. I wish we had known what to look
for there.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to tell my father Thank You, and that now I know how
much he loved me. And that he will always be alive in my heart.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think people must be careful not to confuse what the dying person
wishes with what they themselves want, i.e. more time with the
dying person, or to put an end to the person's perceived suffering.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want people to make my survivors feel better more than anything
else they could do for me. I don't care if they throw my body in
the dump as long as my family is all right.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My father used to sing me the song "I'll Give You A Daisy A Day"
ever since I was a little girl, so when I go to the graveyard I
always take him a daisy. I also made sure there were daisies from
me in his casket.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still "talk" to my father regularly. And he still "talks" to me.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Re: Other help dealing with death:
I think at that point I was just too young to process it, although
I did have bouts of intense grief for years.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
My family was not very supportive of my need to talk about my grief.
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Sat Nov 22 07:02:29 1997
F13 in fairport, ny =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Through Yahoo, Psycology
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Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a stroke/old age; Aged: 85.
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--Death Is:
something that happens when your life ends. when what you came to
the earth to do is over. It can come quick, unexpected, or you can
expect it for a very long time. it can be better than your entire
life, or a complete hell
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't that shockeed. it was my grandpa, and we knew he was going
to pass on soon, i didn't cry until the funeral
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was both my grandma and grampa
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my father, my gradpas son, didn't even cry
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to let your emotions go, don't hold back
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my granfather was put out of his pain and suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the funeral
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
stay positive
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
was the best thing i could have done
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i find something that reminds me of my grampa
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would get to know my gradpa so much more
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yes
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
good
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i hope that i know at least a month before hand before i die. i
would want to do everything i've always wanted to do before then
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
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Fri Nov 21 17:34:17 1997
F20 in Providence, RI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
www.yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: psychology
Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: several cocurrent serious illnesses -- diabetes, strokes,
neurological problems, you name it!; Aged: 70.
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--Death Is:
when the physical body ceases to function and causes the person
to lose all ability to function. We can no longer think, talk,
interact, or be aware of ourselves. We are the same in death as an
inanimate object. Death is the absence of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to remember it.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died when I was almost four. I don't really
remember it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how everyone was crying. Their crying is what made me cry too.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
sometimes death is better than a miserable life (ie when someone
loses their dignity).
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
ending my grandmother's painful and degrading existence.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the inside realization.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing everyone cry at the funeral and the gravesite.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them you love them.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
didn't let it ruin my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it took six years for her to die.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
general incompetence on the part of doctors and specialists. And
the nurses who didn't try to make her more comfortable.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
total incompetence and insensitivity.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone crying.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being relieved when it finally happened.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have been told by a psychic that it will happen at a moderate
old age and will be relatively painless.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Re: Other help dealing with death:
seeing death as merciful (very sick person who would be better off)
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It suggested things that I "felt" in the questions that I really
didn't feel at all.
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Fri Nov 21 12:19:15 1997
M15 in Indianapolis, Indiana =USA=
Email: <tlramsey-at-indy.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
In Yahoo!
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More personal info:
It can be posted
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Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: don't remember; Aged: 75+.
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--Death Is:
The conclusion of one's life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't bothered by it much
--That first time, how it happened was
A great grandparent I was told it happened by other relatives
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
nothing much
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's not all that big a deal
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be indifferent to the situation
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It'd be exactly the same, except I would have another
great-grandparent
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
no, not really
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the correct view
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not caring
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no awareness
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't want any extreme measures taken to prolong my life.
Ventilators are not exactly fun.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have Muscular dystrophy, and most likely will die by 18. I think
about it a lot and occasionally consider(lightly) suicide.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
Re: Other help dealing with death:
didn't know the person well at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Still feel basically the same.
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Fri Nov 21 10:04:51 1997
F19 in singapore, ==
Name: pearlyn quan
Email: <moondog-at-pacific.net.sg>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: tubercolosis; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the shedding of our mortal shell which we're accursed to live in for
our time on earth, suffering from this mortal coil and its physical
vulnerabilities.. it is the dying animal our heart fastened to, as
yeats said death is a finish, an end to all our present knowledge
and wordly wealth
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
heard that an old man from my neighbouring block had jumped
off. it was quite horrible, but i never went to see it despite a
horrible morbid fascination. a lot of associations with pain and
uselessness and the sudden transcendence from our mortal plane. i
kept wandering, what is he seeing now, where is he now.. what is
he feeling now.. what is he..???
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...this is a bit dumb, but it was my turtle
who actually fell off my window ledge. i felt responsible,
and devastated
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the nonchalance. it's a passing piece of news. it's interesting. it
was amazing how soon i forgot about it myself. perhaps one doesn't
want to dwell on it for too long. i remember the obsession over
little irrelevant details.. whose father was he..? and all the
useless speculation.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we do not retain our mortal shapes or mortal ideas, or even
attatchments to our earthly companions... death severs our ties
between the true soul and what the soul has felt through its
mortal perceptions all its time on earth no one returns to suck
the essence out of your food offerings after 49 days.. or maybe i
don't really know.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the sentimental belief that the dead person is probably having a
better time than i am.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief in the love and grace of God, who will eventually save
us and bring us up to mercy, in heaven
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the sudden physical loss, the awful realization that all the little
things that were taken for granted will never be done again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
perhaps to be quiet. let the person talk if he/she wants. and please
be courageous. the person has to face the reality of being totally
eliminated in the next few days, months...? don't add fear. but
be realistic. talk about god, talk about eternity, help the person
see his life sub specie aeternitatis...?
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have the uncanny ability to be completely emotionless.. there is
a certain void, or a certain point within each of us when grief
passes by us.. implacability takes over.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i got a phonecall from the hospital from my mom telling me my
grandma was dead.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i did indeed laugh. my mom and brother and cousins sat round the
coffin. it was about 2 am, we had to keep the body company, and we
ended telling jokes and LAUGHING right in front of the coffin.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
speak cantonese so i could really have comminicated properly. we
couldn't exactly understand each other, but she was a fantastic
woman. i know.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
let go. i was rather afraid of my void, tho.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i looked at the rows of red plastic chairs put out. it was
horrid. they use them for politcal functions, for weddings.. for
god knows what. couldn't stand the sight of it there.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the continual chanting of catholic prayers over and over again. got
on my nerves.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i don't.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
we would be speaking and listening with ears which understood
each other. i really would have liked to have a conversation. just
one. anything. but realistically, i know we would probably have
gone on the way we did in real life, she talking, me nodding.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i don't. i was too busy fighting with my mother
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
rip out my heart?? clean out the black spot there
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wept buckets because of my sudden onrush of guilt, and loss.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
terror. i remember watching the young capable faces of the doctors,
all pristine with shining spectacles and white coats. i can't stand
it. it's almost inhuman.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
believing in heaven and salvation and ultimate everlasting joy
by the side of our father. playing harps? residing in everlasting
light. amazing how everything seems so visual.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i'm not up to this tonight. sorry. but i believe that our time spent
on earth is probably nursery school in the face of eternity. all
we have ever known is life, so even for death, we tend to see it
in terms of life. i am convinced we do not even have to first idea
of what we plunge into.
--Regarding MONEY:
i can't forget the rows and rows of shining gold coffin handles
gleaming in the backroom of this.. funeral parlor.. waiting for
its future customers. and the man behind the ledger book, reaching
a hand over for a credit card..
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how the conversation seems almost frightened off anything other
than the deceased. it's stressful
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
getting really scared to go to the bathroom alone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
old age?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i felt nothing. my brother claimed to have a dream. my auntie
too. she's a lingering memory. sometimes, when a cantonese show
comes on tv, i remember her voice, the smell of talcum powder. but
its mostly memory.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
too tired.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i had exams to think of. inhuman, i know
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Superstition
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Fri Nov 21 07:13:56 1997
F21 in Lawrenceville, NJ =USA=
Email: <kbncat-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, month ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 26.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an extension of life where one changes forms and lives on forever.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great aunt died at a fairly old age. She
had been in a nursing home for several years before dying of
natural causes.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the shock and denial which I still feel. I don't really know how
to cope with the death of my fiancee.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is okay to grieve after the body is buried.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I know now that one can not take any moment for granted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I really haven't gotten any support from anyone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
a feeling of confusion and helplessness. I don't know which
direction to go in.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed during the funeral. I think it's part of coping. The
stress and hurt is so bad that sometimes the only emotional response
one can have is laughter.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
kiss him goodbye before he slipped away.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone mentions his name or a song plays on the radio or when I
look at his nephew.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he died and left me alone.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Forget that I ever knew him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
fell apart.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that I didn't want to be around all of those people. I couldn't
wait to leave.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the funeral.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I wish that we would have been married when it happened but no one
can make that possible now.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to know that he was in a good place. I would feel
better knowing that he could be happy and that I could see him again.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think that death is an extension of life. If I were to die I
would be happy to be reunited with loved ones.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
We had a big party and everyone brought something that reminded
them of my fiancee. We all drank and had a good time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Re: Other help dealing with death:
She was ill for a long time so it was expected.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was okay. It made me think.
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Thu Nov 20 19:03:46 1997
F29 in Newark, Ohio =USA=
Name: Angela
Email: <VDethAngel-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
net surfing, linked from another page
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Prof/Studies: Residential care provider for people with MR/DD
Recommended Reading:
Titles: On Death and Dying
Authors: Elizabeth Kubler Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure/dementia; Aged: 84.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
I was 7yrs old when my grandfather passed away. It was the first
time I had ever seen a dead body. He didnt look like the man
I remembered. His body was so cold when I touched his hands...a
feeling I will never forget.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Watching my grandmother die. Over the course of year I was the
caregiver for my grandmother, I watched her health deterioate.
Soon she was placed in a Nursing Home, there is where she spent her
last moments. The dying process is truley gruesome, regardless as
to how one may view it The stages
of death are accurate to what is written...it is truely amazing
how one's body begins to shut down and the process of life as to
how we know it ends.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
Re: Other help dealing with death:
In college I took a class on death and dying. Through the class I
worked on many different projects that prompted me to look inside
myself about concepts surrounding death. A book I read that I found
enlightening was written by Elizabeth Kubler Ross..called On Death
and Dying.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
The lack of understanding the dying process and of greif itself.
Shall We Share Your Comments?: May We Include...
Identify You?: I welcome all communication!
Thu Nov 20 19:03:46 1997
F29 [Residential care provider for people with MR/DD]; located in Newark, Ohio.
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Thu Nov 20 18:45:20 1997
F37 in Portland, oregon =USA=
Name: Magill Brown
Email: <mmbrown-at-teleport.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
researching for presentation on issues regarding dying
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Prof/Studies: grad student of social work
Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 18 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 23 yrs..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
so frightening to most people, they deny its existence. Yet,
everyone, everywhere dies, regardless of clas, culture, race, or
gender. Some believe we continue to exist outside our bodies but
some think death is the final end. I think death is most difficult
for the latter group. It is never easy, however.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
don't recall that his death affected me as much as its effect on
the people around me.
--That first time, how it happened was
My maternal grandfather died when I was nine. He was only 64,
but that seemed quite old to me at the time. I recall my mom being
sad & my gramma sobbing at his open coffin, kissing his dead hand.
I thought that was pretty gross.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I work w/elderly people so am around death quite a bit. I shall
refer to my brother's death, then, as it was most significant to
my life (and continues to be). I was 19 and living w/my parents &
on a brilliantly sunny Sunday morning, my father stood over my bed
& told me that my brother was dead. I thought it was a dream so
I forced myself awake only to realize that he really was there &
saying those words to me & it is as if my brain & body froze, time
stood still. I stumbled downstairs in a complete daze & saw my
mother sitting on the floor, on the phone, yellow pages open to
"crremations", saying "the body is in Florida" & tears dripping
off her jawline like a waterfall.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to be with bereved people. Death makes people so uncomfortable &
we would all like to avoid it in our lives but cannot. Those who've
never grieved, therefore, do not understand & have no concept of how
to act. My young friends stayed away, no phone calls, no cards.
Years later, they said, "I didn't know what to say." I excuse
them for their youth but I don't think that's an uncommon response.
Bereaved people need support. Remember though: there is nothing
you can say to make it better, just be there, okay?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I refer to this event as being slapped in the face with mortality
at 19. I later did hospice work & realize that was part of my way
of working through my feelings. From my brother's death, I have
been able to offer comfort to many grieving persons where perhaps
they received none or little otherwise. I am grateful for that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family & the sense that he was all right. Something came to tell
me that the day afer he died: It filled the room & spoke to me,
though not in words, conveying to me the message that he was all
right & I calmed down immediately.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The sudden injustice of it. He was truly one of the good guys.
Very thoughtful, kind, gentle.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was not present at my brother's death (my regret) but based
on y hospice experiences, be silent when silence is called for &
give all your attention & love to that person. Touch is important.
Repeat: touch is important.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
suffered & struggled & stumbled. It remains a pain in my soul
but time really does heal, it really does get better. You never
"get over it" (something I feared might happen), but you do get
used to it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I have trouble when I watch dying people suffer pain. It seems a
doouble injustice.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the emotion was so heavy, it oppressed everyone. The comic relief
was welcomed by everyone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
My parents are not religious & no one ever tells you what to do when
your child suddely dies, so we never had a formal memorial service.
That was a mistake. Ceremony & ritual are vital aspects to the
human drama. If you have none given to you by family or church,
temple, or mosque, create your own. I buy myself a big spring
bouquet on the anniversary of my brother's death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live through it. I wasn't sure I could do that.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had to call my aunt & let her know he had died. Her husband
took the task of calling grandparents & other relatives. It has
to be done but saying the words & hearing the reactions remains a
significant memory for me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
sending flowers. The house looked like a funeral parlor.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a song he really wanted me to hear when I was high school &
he'd gone to college. I finally did but it meant nothing to me
& I never asked why it was so important to him. After he died,
I listened to it again. It's about carrying on after someone you
love has died.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have no idea. I have now outlived my big brother by 14 years.
He has been dead my entire adult life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I still believe it's not fair & trust that there must be a Higher
Plan to it all.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have been there with him that night & held him while he died alone
on that highway, comforted him & told him again & again how much
I loved him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went through all the stages, save guilt. I would have dreams in
which he would come to visit me & it was always understood that he
had come from far away & would have to go back but for the moment
we could celebrate being together as a family.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
extreme gratitude that he died instantly of injuries which could
not have been fixed. There were no tubes, no regrets that help
didn't come faster. The Florida State Troopers who helped my other
brother when he arrived to ID "the body" were helpful above &
beyond the call of duty & we are all thankful to them for that.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I was not affiliated with any religion at the time & my family is
not at all spiritual. My spirituality helped me through where my
father's atheism (at the time) made his grief unbearable for him.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
just perfect, just right. We are one.
--Regarding MONEY:
someone broke into his home & made hundreds of dollars worth of
long distance calls. Oh! And let's not forget that someone who
got there before the ambulance, reached into the car, past my dead
brother, took the keys, unlocked the trunk & stole his fishing gear.
What bad kharma for them!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we didn't have one!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that there are bone chinks in human ashes. So the ashes didn't
float away with the breeze like they do on TV: they kind of went
phht! on the ground. I was not prepared for that.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
refusing food & drink, labored breathing with long lapses of no
breathe at all.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have no idea. But someone came to me after he died (see above)
& I understand this, too, is quite common.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I was his adoring kid sister & would like to share with him the
adult self I have grown to be. I like to think he would like who
I have become. (I think he would)
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would simply tell him how very much we have all missed him & that
there is & always will be an empty space at our family gatherings.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
We have all talked a lot about our wishes & all feel pretty much
the same so are confidents in the others' ability to make our
choices fo us if necessary. I also have an advanced directive,
spelling it all out.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have thought a lot about it & don't believe I am afraid to die.
I would feel very sad & sorry to go too soon, but imagine it as
the utlimate trip, very solemn, very joyous.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went up some months later to the place where we'd spread his ashes
& searched the ground for those bone fragments. I found them, too.
I know this sounds very macabre but I realize I was seeking closure,
final assurance that he had really died. (I had not seen him in
death as anything but a plastic bag of bone & ash)
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I deliberately use phrases which were uniquely his & I am very
open to talking about it with whoever is in the conversation when
the tpic of death comes up. I was so unprepared for it, and felt
so abandoned by friends that it is my mission to demystify death &
in doing so, I continue to keep his memory alive.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
I don't know that I ever had trouble dealing with it as a concept
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think this is a wonderful idea though you (and I) may be preaching
to the converted. I have told the story & expressed the emotions
enough now that the exercise didn't affect me so much but I know
it will after I sign off. I'll probably go listen to that song.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Probably including more on emotoinal reactions would be helpful.
I wanted to say more & from what I read, others did so, as well.
Otherwise, very well arranged.
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Date: Thu, 20 Nov 1997 13:01:43 PST
** Unfortunately, due to a technical error in our **
** data collection software, these four entries were **
** garbled and lost. If this entry is yours, then **
** please consider re-submitting. So sorry about that. **
Nov 20: 13:01PST Guest: M37 in Edmonton, Alberta
Nov 20: 06:56PST Guest: F19 in East Hampton, Connecticut
Nov 20: 03:55PST Guest: F18 in McMinnville, TN
Nov 20: 00:27PST Guest: M36 in Antioch, California
All we were able to retrieve was the above single line from each entry.
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Tue Nov 18 21:18:39 1997
F28 in ny, ny =usa=
Name: sue
Email: <SUE DOE-at- aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 1/2 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when all body functions stop and you cease to live
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to understand what it meant, other than the fact that
that person went to heaven
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I remember my mother going out. When asked
where she was going, she told me a Wake. It wasn't anyone I know,
a friend or reletive. I asked what it was and asked if I could go.
She that it was not a the kind of thing children should go to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
overwhelming grief and anxiety with disbelief thrown in
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not a big deal
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death brings happiness and stops all pain
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
support and sympathy from everyone, whether I knew them or not.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I was never going to speak to or see that person again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was not there
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I went back home to my greiving family.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't laugh for my mothers death(though I am able to joke about
it now), but in the past(before I experirnced it first-hand)upon
the news of others dying, I had laughed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
fly away
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
remain strong for friends and family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
friends and family gathered in the smoking room and talked
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the food
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a mother dies in a movie
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be the same as it was before the death
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I never really felt that it wasn't fair, just shocked that it
happened so suddenly.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
visit her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had already cried so much there was nothing else for me to do;
I still have moments of disbelief
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
My mother died in her sleep, it was too late to save her, but I
felt that an autopsy should have been performed.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing for me, alot for my mother
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Everyone experiences death which links us all together.
--Regarding MONEY:
there wasn't any that I know of
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the amount of attendants
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the feeling of seperation i had from my body...it felt as if it
wasn't really happening, it was somebody else this was happening
to and i was observing
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had many dreams where my mother visited me, I would tell her
about was going on in my life...once I dreamt that I had died and
visited her in Pergatory...I cried when I saw her and told her that
I missed her
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I have none, I know she loved me and she knows I loved her
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
through life
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
When my brother-in-law- picked me up at the train station, the
first thing I told him was that my mother wanted to be cremated.
I thought that her request was very important and that it should
be honored. When I die I want everyone to have a party and get so
drunk they forget their name.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am not ready to die yet. the thing that scares me the most is the
fact that i will no longer live. Life is hard, but I still enjoy
myself and as long as I do, I won't be ready to die. If I knew i was
goig to die on a specific date, I would prefer that. My worst fear
is going to sleep and never waking up again. It's funny because,
most of the time, I don't want to wake up, but I tell myself i
won't accomplish anything if I don't wake up. I also fear watching
my death, mainly in an accident. Watching/feeling the plane/car
crash...hearing the screams...knowing that I am going to die...i
want to be ready...i want to say"OK, now I can die"
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talked about it all the time
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
When I find myself thinking that I'm going to die in my sleep(a
common accurance even before my mothers death), I calm myself down
by saying that I'll be with my mother, so it won't be so bad if I
did die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Re: Other help dealing with death:
Try not to think about it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I felt pretty good...i was a little tense, but not too badly
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
If you had the opportunity, what would be your dying request?(World
peace does not count, it has to be realistic).
[ Ed Note: We'll consider that, on next revision--
which should be out within a month or two! ]
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Tue Nov 18 16:06:27 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
poetry on death
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 9yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Great Grandmother; Aged: 96.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our painful existence on earth
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and was a pall bearer
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a pet died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
That during the funeral service the minister kept mispronouncing
her name
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
There may be no afterlife at all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my grandmothers life ended peacefully
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being there for the funeral
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Going through her belongings
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just listen
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
lack of understanding
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Mon Nov 17 13:55:32 1997
F18 in Xaghra, Gozo =Malta=
Name: Jenny
Email: <jenny-at-unforgettable.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo Search Engine
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Prof/Studies: High School Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 85.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an unknown force that everyone goes through. The body of the
person remains on this earth but cannot communicate with his/her
loved ones because the soul/spirit of the person is in another place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wanted to die too. I missed her so much and I still do. But I
find some comfort in the fact that we will meet again in heaven.
--That first time, how it happened was
My favorite cousin died when she was just 8 years old. I was
devastated and in a way I still can't accept it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how my family couldn't cope, in a way more than me.
--What I think my (Malta) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we can still talk to our loved ones who died and that we will
meet again.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The death of a friend has brought me closer to God although it was
a terrible experience.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Each death was difference but overall it is time which will heal.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I still had so many things left unsaid before my friend died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was never present while a person died
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped by talking to him and also to God
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't believe someone who had so much to live for could be
taken away
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was never able to laugh for a long time
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my friend some things I never had the chance to tell him,
like how I never really minded when he played tricks on me although
I made it seem like I did
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell my friend to help me while I was walking alone in the dark
past the cemetry. A few metres away a guy came out from a car and
tried to drag me in. I believe it was my friend who helped me
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the time my friend helped me (mentioned above). Most people would
not believe it but I know in my heart it's true
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Every time I think about them or go to the cemetry I feel like
crying and it takes a lot of work to keep the tears in
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I always find myself in that sort of world
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Yeah I never thought it was fair
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to my dead loved ones and see if they're happy where they are.
That would at least be some consolation
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
kept talking to my friend as if he were still alive and I believe
he helped me though rough times
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
No comment
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Cancer can't be cured but I think they did their best
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything. It gave me hope of meeting with them again
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Whatever the religion, all souls go in the same place after death
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how sad it was
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I found myself talking with the dead
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've never actually seen any of them outside of dreams but I do
feel their presence
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I never had a near death experience but if I ever do I wish to see
my loved ones again even if only for a few minutes
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
Well, nothing really serious, but I always do wish they were still
here so I could show them more love than before
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love to talk with them
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not really afraid of dying. I just hope I'll be ready to meet
God when the time comes for me
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Writing in a diary and music
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I continued praying
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Re: Other help dealing with death:
Only time has helped a bit
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
Re: Other hindrances in my dealing with death:
I could not accept it and also memories of us playing and spending
time together.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was good to talk/write about it
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Mon Nov 17 09:15:17 1997
F24 in St. Louis, MO =USA=
Name: Dena Schott
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
surveys freebies
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Recommended Reading:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Our personality, spirit, life, leaving our body and leaving it
behind. Our spirit then goes to an unknown place, often believed
to be with a higher being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not know what to do: cry, keep silent, I even laughed!!!
I felt very awkward, particularly at the "wake".
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... In 8th grade a close friend of mine
(sleepover type close friend, but not bestfriend) died in a rollover
car accident while riding in a car that I was SUPPOSED to be in.
There was alcohol involved, and a mutual friend was actually
responsible for the whole thing.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Trying to comfort others who were very emotionally disturbed by
the death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to treat those who have lost their loved ones.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandmother was finally at a point of no pain, both emotional
and physical.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Remembering the times that I had with this person.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that I would never have a chance to "make it up to them"
for all of the horrible things I have done in my life, and that
they will never get to see me excel past who they knew me as.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Sun Nov 16 22:02:06 1997
F28 in San Francisco, Ca =USA=
Name: Tracy
Email: <Tracynbri1-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 16 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 40's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
What ever life force we hold inside our bodies leaves rendering
us immobile.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was tweleve years old. My cousin was someone that I really didn't
know well, but one my mother was very close to. She took his dying
very hard and I had no idea how to deal with death. My family didn't
talk at all about death, and were not willing to discuss it at all
with me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...died of pnumonia.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How confused my daughters were about the death of thier Great-Uncle.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Is to accept it as something not nessicarrily bad.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The people who died are now out of pain and any suffering in
thier lives.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Having someone to love and be with at that time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that I would never see them again.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
When my Uncle died, I knew of some things that he'd done in the
past that I found very difficult to come to terms with. I wish now
that I had kept myself more open with him than I did. No one can
really help me with that now, I just log it in my brain and won't
repeat that again.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Never did that.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want everyone to just remember how to be loving and willing
to live life to the fullest.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be very afraid for my daughters. I know that they have no
one that would be open and loving with them in the event that I died.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I become very loving and giving to those around me. Trying to make
them happy there by making myself happy too.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still strive to be very giving to those around me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionaire makes one think about attitudes and feelings
about death that I hadn't thought of before.
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Sun Nov 16 17:49:52 1997
M42 in Lincoln, Oregon =USA=
Email: <JoeO-at-Buys.COM>
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Found us by: [ UseNet posting ]
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Massive Cancer; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a time of our great transition from active living participative
creatures to passive, receptive and has-been creatures, waiting
to come back here and try it again...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was rather naive... it just happened
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my junior high-school gym teacher was shot
in the face when he was trying to break up a fight.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that I wasn't there, and really wanted to be.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it should be more of an open thing to discuss.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it caused me to think more about getting health insurance! That's
not really because of the death, but because of the cause of it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't try to be fake: Just be yourself and see what happens.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to keep his sense of humor going.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he finally started to fail "All Systems Alarm" type thing...
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
ddidn't need to worry about it... there wasn't any laughter to deal
with here.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
actually be present as he died. He and I were not in very good
communiciation that last month, primarily becausae of a couple of
'Dragons' or 'Death Vigil GateKeepers' with whom I never really
got along, so consequently, I was on the outside for the duration.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
repeatedly over the course of the last few months, let him know
how I appreciated him, and how I would be available to him in
any way I could.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I received a couple of the books from his professional library,
and I felt very good to know that he had had them first.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
doing all the after-the-fact things... funerials, etc.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Nope. not here on this one.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think he'd be tickled pink that I actually have a Mission Statement
now... he was always on my case about that!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that the GateKeepers kept me away.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Nope. I don't find things very difficult, thanks for asking.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
stopped a moment and sent out a prayer to him to say "Best Wishes
in your new adventures" and "I Hope you got taken care of all
you came to do."
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They were a bit too eager to chop out his stomach, intestines,
etc.... I wish that I could have been there for him to help him
to take time to make better decisions. We did talk about that,
though, so he was aware both of the way I felt about it, and that
he would like to have done things differently.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not hospice related.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
next to nothing. He was not a religious type fellow. Spiritual,
yes. Religious, no.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Yep. Common link is a good term for it.
--Regarding MONEY:
His step-son was so weird about the way he almost couldn't wait to
get his hands on money... that was certainly the most despicable
thing I have ever seen in this kind of thing. I mean, this was
almost IMMEDIATE!... and with such absolute disregard for his
dad's things. Awful.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't go to the funeral. I figured that if the GateKeepers
didn't want me at the pre-death celebration party just before
he died, then I'd boycott their shindig afterwards, too. I had my
own private little ceremony. In retrospect, however, I think that
I would have benefitted more by going to the public one, too.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how people had this Estate Sale thing so fast! No sense of decency.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Quick degeneration, weakening of the voice, that kind of thing.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
As I said, I would like to have been there at his death, but since
I was not, I have no idea about his particular case with these.
I can IMAGINE that there were a couple of significant ones, though,
because he and I had been present for other people's deaths from
AIDS in the few years previous. It wouldn't at all surprise me
that some of those guys came for him to help him out as he had
helped them out in their final days
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have had a couple of NDEs, yes. But not related to this particular
death cycle I'm running on about now. Wanna hear them? Get in
touch sometime.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
Well... I like to write about these kinds of things as if they were
still out there happening. It's cathartic to do so, I'd say.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
None necessary.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I'd hope that people can be sensitive to people's wishes. Sometimes,
however, I dont' know. As I said above: the GateKeepers & Drazgons,
and the Vultures afterwards were nothing much one would want to
look at! I hope they'll one day figure out the error of their ways,
so to speak!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't mind thinking of my own death at all. It's a regular
occurence for me to focus on some of these things. Not that I'm
a morbid ol' cuss, but I don't mind thinking of these things!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just talk to him as if he were still here... still do that.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
As I said above... do a lot of talking to people who've died.
Whenever I have a particularly pressing question, I like to pray
to 'Dear God & Grandma...' and a number of other people who've
died, too...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Re: Other help dealing with death:
At that time, I wasn't very aware of anything having to do with
the fact that the death occurred. To me as that young teen, he
simply wasn't there any more. I knew he was dead, but somehow was
at the same time insulated from my own ability to interpret reality.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Good Job. I like this sort of thing. It helps me think clearly,
and get into a mood to write all my friends who've died!
(Not that letters like that will ever find their way to those
Heavenly Post Boxes, but hey... it's still a good exercise --
an an effective one, I suggest-- to do it.)
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Well, I don't know. There are some changes I might make, but
it looks like you change it every now and then for the better,
so who am I to complain? Carry on!
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Sun Nov 16 16:31:00 1997
F37 in Houston, Tx =USA=
Name: Diane Higgins <Dawn375-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Child Care / Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 11yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body stops living, breathing, etc. and the soul (spirit)
goes to heaven
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried, but was too young to understand that he would never wake
up again
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandfather was an alcoholic and had been
drinking on his way home from work. Lost control of his car and
hit a tree.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
seeing my best friend whom I had just been having fun with 3 days
ago lying in a casket, and wondering why this happened and what
was so bad that she felt she needed to end her own life. She had
just had a baby 4 months prior to.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
This is hard for me to answer as I have problems dealing with
death myself
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my grandmother died she had been in a great deal of pain.
I knew that since she had passed on, there would be no more suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my other friends and my counselor since I blamed myself for not
being a better listener
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing my best friend
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let the dying person know that it's okay to pass on, dont be afraid
and most of all, rest in peace.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to realize that "life goes on" and that I needed to get
back to what needed to be done
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldnt understand why my friend committed suicide
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know that she was depressed and sit and talk with her so that maybe
this wouldnt have been a "solution" to her problems
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
remembering the fun times we had back then and the trust that we
had in each other.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried tremendously. I felt like I was in shock. I left work because
I couldnt perform at my job.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd be very frightened . Fear of the unknown
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Re: Other help dealing with death:
was too young to understand
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Sun Nov 16 14:35:29 1997
F36 in anderson, IN =usa=
Name: <>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 3.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: SIDS; Aged: 4 mos..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...neighbor couple killed in car wreck, daughter
survived
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that feeling like my world ended and I was shocked that other people
continued to go to work, go to store, etc
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral home charged us absolutely nothing. It was such a kind
thing to do
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
funeral home expected very few mourners. There were very many
mourners and f.h. had to change plans. (they were not going to have
a procession to cemetery, and decided to have one)
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
thinking that someone would jump out and say it was all a mistake
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
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Sun Nov 16 14:05:47 1997
F26 in lawton, o.k. =u.s.a.=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
looking at information on psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 55.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of our physical life here on Earth. It is a passing to a
place of peace and serenity. Our physical body will waste away and
return to the Earth, but our spirit will move on to a happier place.
We are set free.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really didn't have a hard time with it. Because I didn't know them
very well.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was an Aunt that had a brain tumor. So the
family was prepared for her not to live long. Also she was an Aunt
I didn't know very well. Never spent a whole lot of time with her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the confusion. I couldn't believe that my father had died. No one
was even aware he had heart problems. I was at first in extreme
shock and denial.
--What I think my (u.s.a.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable. We are not invinsible, and we should know that
it could happen to us at anytime. Therefore we should live out each
day to fullest.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the things my stepmother told me of the way my father felt about
me and my life. He never told me he was proud of the way my life
turned out, but she told me he had stated that to her several
times. I cherish knowing that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband. He was my rock that I leaned on. I would have never
made it through without him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the guilt of all the lost time between me and my father. I felt so
much guilt, I felt I should of called him more often and visited
more often. Still sometimes I feel guilt over that.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was at my grandmother's bedside shortly before she died this
past Easter. I remember her waking up and wanting me just to hold
her hand. I did. She seemed very happy about that. Just let them
know that there dying does not scare you away from loving them and
showing that love.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was first told of my father's death. I couldn't believe it. I
was in shock.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometime's to keep our sanity we have to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more quality time with my father.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep myself from falling apart.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
deciding what to bury him in
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the coffin he was buried in
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear certain music that I remember listening to when growing
up. Sometimes when I hear E.L.O., which was one of my dad's favorite
bands I just get depressed feeling. Or a song that is about losing
a parent I cry.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
we were just becoming friends.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they really aren't worth squat.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
My grandmother died of cancer and had hospice care. I felt that they
were wonderful. They didn't tiptoe around her like most family and
friends do in a case like this. They didn't treat her as if she
was already dead. They took wonderful care of her and for that I
am thankful.
--Regarding MONEY:
for my dad, he had no insurance. We were so worried about how we
would pay for a funeral. Then we were told about county burials. We
checked into it and he qualified. It was just as nice as any
other funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that people profit off of others grief. It is sad but it happens.
The prices of funerals are outrageous. And if you can't pay they
won't bury you. It's a horrible thing to have them talk to you like
they care when you know they don't.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my father's lifeless body.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
with my grandmother she quit eating. She would even spit out water
we tried to spoon into her mouth. Her bodily functions,(urinating
& bowel movements decreased) it wasn't but a couple of days later
when she passed.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandmother spoke in her sleep of a great uncle of mine that
has been dead for ages. She talked about wanting a bowl of beans
to eat. My mom and my aunt said that was what he had asked for to
when he died.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
To hear him say he loved me and always had would mean the world
to me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I tr hard to let people verbally know now what my wishes are.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I haven't given much thought to my own death, but I guess if I were
to find out I was going to die very soon I would at first be angry.
I would take the time to write letters to my children for when they
are grown to tell them what they meant to me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I listened to some of that music I grew up hearing my dad listen
to and wrote a letter to him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Re: Other help dealing with death:
I didn't know her as well as some of the family, so I just talked
with people who wanted to talk about her.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it helped me to analyze deeper my feelings on the death of
my loved one's.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Maybe ask how we felt about other family and friends reactions or
lack of reaction to the news of the loved one's death.
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Fri Nov 14 14:04:37 1997
F19 in , Utah =USA=
Name: <johac-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: College student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a natural process that happens to everyone. It is usually (I think)
harder for those left behind than the one dying.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my cousin Amber (she was one year old) was
born with a liver disease (I don't remember what it was) and she
died in a hospital while waiting for a liver transplant.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
after the funeral, going back to school. I didn't want to be there,
everywhere I looked, I was reminded of him. Although it was hard to see his empty
seat in class, it was worse when someone sat there. I was really angry. It was
like this person was intruding, it was as if he was just replaced, or had never
existed. Maybe it's weird that that affected me so much. I don't know.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling all alone in my pain. I'm not good at talking about how I feel, so I
just pushed all the pain down inside. I realize that people probably would gladly
have talked to me and helped me, but I didn't really see it. Even today, over
three years later, it's hard to think about it. The pain is definitely still there.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
make sure he knew how much I cared about him. I wonder if he knew
how much?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go to sleep for a long, long time. Maybe never wake up.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt angry and extremely sad. I didn't think it was fair. Also, because he
committed suicide, I felt EXTREMELY guilty. I wonder, was there anything I could
have done to prevent his death? That was really hard to face.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and comfort in some areas. The church I belong to believes in a life
after this one--heaven, I guess. It was comforting to think that he was in a
better (hopefully) place than this. Maybe he was finally at peace. But at the
same time, I was kind of expected to get over it fast. And I couldn't.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was so amazed that he had touched so many lives. There were SO
many people there. It was really weird, because if he had only
known how many people cared for him, would he have killed himself?
I don't know. It really was amazed at the outpouring of love and
sorrow that everyone was showing.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to hear him say that he is at peace where he is.
That is something that bothers me, because if there is afterlife,
we have no idea what it's like. That would definitely bring me
closure, I think. I would feel much more at peace.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Death terrifies me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I haven't really had a sense of 'closure.' I think one thing that
would help is to go visit his grave. The thought of doing that
has always terrified me, though. Maybe I need to now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death?
I don't really remember how I dealt with it (I was only six).
I do remember that I was confused, though. I don't think I really
understood what was happening.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire was really helpful for me. I was kind of rambling in the
answers, so it probably won't help you, but I was able to examine how I felt. It
also made me realize that it is time to go see my friend's grave. That really
scares me, but I think I need to. It's important.
I think this questionnaire is a good idea, because it "forced" me to look
at things I was too lazy or afraid to.
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Thu Nov 13 21:24:42 1997
M17 in Kansas City, Kansas =US=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Darkside of the Web -at- www.gothic.net/darkside
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Prof/Studies: Scholar of Various fields
More personal info:
Bard of Druid
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Alzhiemers; Aged: 90's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
different. We all have a unique way of viewing Death, its reasons,
causes, results, meaning, and what lies after. Scientically,
people gree that it happens when the body permanently stopps
working. Spiritually, most agree that it then continues when the
soul leaves the body. After that, we can't ever seem to agree what
happens. It just does.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I got tangled up in a life jacket(oh, the
irony) while swimming in my grandparent's pool unattended. I was deprived
of a lot of oxygen and passed out. I don't remember much after that, but
it wasn't much fun. I was about three.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
That I wasn't sad about her death. I saw that she needed to move on
and that she really was done here. What made me cry a little was when I
saw my grand father cry at his mother's pasing. Everyone said that he was
so strong, but I could see that he was hurting inside. I wanted to now why
he kept it bottled up inside of himself.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How natural it is. It isn't the opposite of life, it is the opposite
of birth. We all die, we all grow old. What matters is how you live your
life. It is naturally instinctive to wish to presserve your life. All
animals hold true to this. However, when no further options remain,
accepting death like you welcome a rest after a hard day's work is
essential.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My understanding of death beyond the reaces of most of my "peers"
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Empathic pains of those around me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If my Great grand mother Edith was still alive, without a cure
for Alzheimer's, she would not be anything like the woman that I
loved so dearly. Towards t end, She forgot nearly everything and
wasn't herself.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did the best that they could: not much
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
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Thu Nov 13 16:03:56 1997
F39 in Spartanburg, South Carolina =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
needed to get some current information about different cultures/their
views of death/cultural practices
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: infection in lungs; Aged: 81.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather was awaken from his sleep
by his dog barking. He yelled at the dog. The next morning,
my grandmother found my grandfather dead in his bed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Thu Nov 13 14:30:27 1997
F15 in Grant, Alabama =America=
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Found us by: [ UseNet posting ]
came upon it
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 4 mouths ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 90.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
We someone leaves this eath and goes somewhere that sceince has
yet to uncover
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 15
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A relative
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the sadness in the room
--What I think my (America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to handle it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
How to enjoy life
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
How it made everone feel
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them enjoy what time they have
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
enjoy the time you have
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
way you have to go though the pain of watching someone go thoungh
the pain
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i needed to
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i wish i counld have been there more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live my life
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
they all had each other
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Saying good bye one last time
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I reamber talking to the one that past away
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
not sure
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That i had to see someone go though all that pain
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
See them one last time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt like life and taken a turing point
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they all came toghter
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
they were there to help
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like tis there
--Regarding MONEY:
it did't
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how everone seened to act
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Which everone say goodbye
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When something has happened that they have been waiting for
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
not sure
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
not sure
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i don't like to think about it
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
A dream
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
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Thu Nov 13 04:11:08 1997
F43 in tucson, az =usa=
Name: susan <casscrow-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
psychology.com
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Prof/Studies: self-employed
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: age; Aged: 98.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
our reward (if life is our punishment, then death must be our reward)
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, but it wasn't something that made me freak out.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...i grew up on a farm in south dakota. because
we had animals on the farm i was exposed to the life and death
cycle from time beginning. i truly believe that because of that
exposure i have a fairly realistic attitude about death. that,
and one day realizing that from the moment we are born we begin
our own life/death cyle, makes it more of something to almost look
forward to (but not too quickly.) i also remember several instances
of relatives dying and the body would be laid out in my grandma's
living room.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
i live in arizona, my grandmother lived in south dakota, and i
didn't go to her funeral because i couldn't make it back because of
lack of money. however, i did get instant karma on that one, i was
in california with my man and another couple and i got arrested on
the day of her funeral and spent the next week in jail.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is part of the life cycle and it's going to happen sooner
or later to us all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i don't agree with that statement, because i believe that death
offers many gifts
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
after the funeral when the family all gathers together and everyone
has their stories to tell, there are pictures to look at, and (in
the case of my other grandma's death) finally getting to look in
that drawer she never let you get into before.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing my own mortality.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
never told him i loved him before he died (I was 21 at the time and
too self-involved to realize he was really going to die, because
parents aren't supposed to), is that life is too short and you
never know when it might be the last "see you later". it took me
many years to get over that guilt
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
and this really did happen at my father's funeral--during the service
i almost broke out laughing. i realize that it was definitely just
the stress of the moment and how surrealistic it all felt.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
as above, told my father i loved him before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn my lesson from my father and tell my mother i love her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
there is some form of stimulus that brings me back to that moment.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
but it is only an alternate reality and there is just no way to even
imagine what different choices i wouuld have made if (especially
my father) had not died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when they are so young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to understand life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
thinking there should have been more.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
as a child, church was mandatory and therefore meant something only
when there was a special event. as an adult organized religion is
not a factor.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that when we go through all our incarnations, and have reached
that perfect state, our souls merge (while still retaining our
individuality) to become a whole, and that is God
--Regarding MONEY:
it sure caused some problems with my aunts.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that it is so awkward being part of the family of the deceased and
having people trying to figure out how to express their sympathy
and wondering what to say, while i was trying to figure out how to
reply to what they were trying to say.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the funeral
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
any unresolved issues that i have had i have resolved them on my own.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
that the big things are easy to take care of, it's the little
details that should be anticipated.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
just give me my viking funeral, have a good party, and see you all
next life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
as above, celebrating the person's life and what they meant to me.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i don't take life for granted any more.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
see above
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it's nlice to put my feelings down in writing.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
maybe a question on what we think happens to us when we die. for
example, my belief is that when we die there is no god who judges us,
we judge ourself. since (in theory) we are created in the image of
god and therefore should have godlike powers, to go with that image,
and because in our heart of hearts we know all our little "sins",
and all our great glories, we judge ourself, and we spend however
long until we're reincarnated in our own version of heaven or hell,
depending upon how we self-judge.
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Tue Nov 11 12:13:31 1997
F21 in BROOKLYN, NEW YORK ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: SALES ASST.
More personal info:
YOU CAN POST
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 6MONTHS ago.
Cause of Death: ILLNESS; Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
WHEN YO DIE YOU WILL NEVER WAKE UP UNTIL GOD'S JUDGEMENT. WHEN YOU DIE
YOUR SPIRIT IS LIFTED AND YOUR BODY IS LAID TO REST. DEATH MEANS NO MORE PAIN
AND SUFFERING.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
THE FIRST TIME I EXPERIENCED DEATH WAS WITH MY FATHER. I WAS ONLY SIX
YEARS OLD AND DID'NT KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. I WAS ONLY TOLD THAT MY FATHER
WAS SENT TO HEAVEN. I WAS SCARED AND THOUGHT THAT HIS SPRIT WOULD COME TO HAUNT
ME. I THOUGHT THAT WHEN
PEOPLE DIED THEY CAME BACK AS GHOST.
--That first time, how it happened was
MY FATHER DIED WHEN I WAS SIX YEARS OLD. HE WAS SHOT IN THE HEAD.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
THAT IT WAS TO SUDDEN, I DID'NT KNOW HOW SEROUSLY SICK MY AUNT WAS AND MY
MOTHER TOLD ME TO VISIT HER IN THE HOSPITAL, BUT I THOUGH I WOULD JUST SEE HER
WHEN SHE WOULD BE RELEASED BECAUSE I WAS MOVING TO ANOTHER STATE AND WAS SOOO
BUSY WITH WORK, MY SON AND THE MOVE. IN MY MIND I SIAD SHE IS NOT GOING TO DIE,
BUT SHE DID AND I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE. THAT'S THE ONLY TRAGEDY ABOUT HER
DIEING AND THE FACT THAT I WOULD MISS HER VERY MUCH, BECAUSE SHE HAD SUCH A
GOOD HEART THAT GOD TOOK HER SPIRIT WITH HIM AND I KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE MY
HEART THAT SHE IS VERY HAPPY. SHE'S IN SUCH A PEACE OF MIND RIGHT NOW. NOW HER
DEATH JUST HELPED ME REALIZE THAT I SHOULD BE VERY LOVING TO MY FAMILLY AND
TELL THEM HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW. I ALSO FEEL THAT TELLING
YOUR LOVED ONES HOW YOU FEEL IS IMPORTANT. HER DEATH WAS A SHOCK FOR ME BECAUSE
I DID'NT EXPECT HER TO DIE SHE WAS MY FAVORITE AUNT. MY ONLY PAIN IS THAT I
WILL MISS HER BECAUSE KNOWING THER PERSON SHE WAS I KNOW SHE IS DOING BETTER
THAN I AM WITH GOD.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
THAT WHEN SOMEONE DIES THEY NEED TO GATHER AND TALK IN GOOD MEMORY, NOT
JUST CRY AND MOURN BUT LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE AND GROW ALONG WITH IT,BECAUSE
GOD DOES NOT LET THINGS HAPPEN FOR NO REASON. I FEEL THAT WHEN MY AUNT DIED NO
ONE GAVE A EULOGY OR EVEN TALKED ABOUT GOOD TIMES, WHICH THERE WERE MANY SHE
WAS SUCH A HAPPY PERSON THAT THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNY MEMORIES TO HELP DEAL
WITH THE LOST.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I THAT IT MADE ME BELIEVE IN GOD MORE.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY SISTER WE HELD EACH OTHER TIGHT AN TOLD EACH OTHER HOW MUCH WE
LOVED EACH OTHER. THEN WE SPOKE ABOUT HOW GREATFUL WE WERE TO HAVE
OUR KIDS IN OUR LIVES AS WELL AS EACH OTHER.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
THAT I DID'NT HAVE THE CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE. I WAS TOO BUSY TO
TAKE THE TIME TO SAY GOODBYE. MY AUNT WAS THE LAST STAW TO HOLD
OUR FAMILLY TOGETHER AFTER MY GRANDMOTHERS DEATH.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
TO NOT WAIT UNTIL THEY DIE TO OFFER AND OPEN EAR. JUST CALLING
SOMEONE REGULERLY AND JUST OFFERING AN OPEN EAR AND ARMS HELP SOMEONE
WITH TROUBLE. ALSO LETTING THEM KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM NOT
BEING AFRAID OR EMBRASSED TO TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I WAS YOUNGER AND BELIEVED THE STORIES OTHERS TOLD ME.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
SAY GOODBYE GIVE MY AUNT A HUG AND KISS.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I REMEMBER MY AUNTS FUNNY JOKES AND HER BEING SO THOUGHFULL ALL OF
THE TIME.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
WHEN IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO IT'S JUST TIME. WHEN GOD HAS HIS CALLING
THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO THAT WILL CHANGE CIRCUMSTANCES.
--Regarding MONEY:
MY AUNT HAD NO MONEY SO WE ALL HAD TO GIVE MONEY FOR MY AUNTS DEATH.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
THAT THERE WAS FAMILLY I HAD'NT SEEN IN YEARS. I REALIZE WE ONLY
GET TOGHER WHEN SOMEONE DIES.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH MY HUSBAND AND SON MORE THAN EVER,
AND WANTING TO REALLY MOVE AWAY AND JUST FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
WHEN THE PERSON DIEING IS TRYING TO SAY GOODBYE BY ASKING OF YOU
IN THE KIND OF WAY THAT THEY NORMALLY DO'NT.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I BELEIVE GOD HOLDS HIS HAND OUT TO ANYONE WHO IS DIEING REGARLESS
OF HOW GOOD OR BAD THEY WERE, WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD AND HE
SENDS HIS ANGELS TO COME AND TAKE US TO HIM. I BELIEVE THAT AT
THE VERY END THERE ARE CERTIAN VISIONS THAT APPEAR BEFORE YOU,
AND THEN IT'S JUST TIME TO GO WITH THE LORD.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I WOULD HAVE TOLD THEM ABOUT MY PLANS AND WOULD HAVE SHARED WHAT
WAS GOING ON IN MY LIFE. I WOULD HAVE ALSO WANTED TO SAY I LOVE
YOU AND THAT I WOULD ALWAYS THINK ABOUT HER AND MISS HER VERY MUCH.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I DON'T WANT ANYONE DRESSED IN BLACK.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I WOULD LIKE ALL MY FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES TO TALK ABOUT THE GOOD
TIMES AND TO PLAY MUSIC AND TRY THIER BEST TO DANCE AND CELEBRATE
IN MY MEMORY. I WOULD ALSO LIKE FOR THEM TO LOOK AT PICTURES OF ME
AND JUST TALK ABOUT THE GOODTIMES.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I TRY MY BEST TO SAY I LOVE YOU TO MY SON AND HUSBAND EVERYDAY
BEFORE GOING TO WORK BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
I ALSO THANK GOD AT LEAST I TRY TO THANK HIM EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE
FOR ALL THE GOOD AND BAD THAT HAS APPERED IN MY LIFE. THANKSGIVING
IS MOST IMPORTANT.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
AT THAT AGE OF SIX I REALLY DID'NT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
MY SISTER GOING CRAZY AND TALKING TO HERSELF AFTER MY FATHERS DEATH
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME I SAT TO THINK OF DEATH AND ACTUALLY WRITE
ABOUT IT MORE COMFORTABLY.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I THINK ALL QUESTIONS WERE FINE AND VERY THOUGH PROVOKING BUT IN A
GOOD WAY. NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE CAN REALLY FACE THE REALITY THAT DEATH
IS PART OF LIVING, AND THAT AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER WE ALL MUST DIE.
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Mon Nov 10 10:16:20 1997
M18 in Hollywood, Florida =US=
Name: SHANDA PIERCE <SPP0692-at-ACNS.GARNET.FSU.EDU>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: BIOLOGY
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, two weks ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 54.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
scary and sad. We are afraid of dying.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid and did not know what to expect.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my neigbor died of old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the fun times me and my uncle had together.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's a must if we are ever going to enter the eternal kingdom of God
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my uncle son and daughter reconcile with him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
That god loves us. I found comfort in knowing he had time to get right
with jesus.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I will never see my uncle again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Stay at their bedside until they die.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
god will strengthen you in this most horrible time. death is a must.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why did my uncle have to suffer that much
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
let him know I loved him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i could smile a day later.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
his will.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when i watch the news and so many people are dying
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did it have to be my uncle at such a young age.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and sobbed.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried, it was bound to happen
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were generally nice
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and encouragement and love.
--Regarding MONEY:
we have to pay the hospital bills
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
acknowledge that it's going to happen and be prepared
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them I love them and hope we will be together some day. I
would want them to tell me my life on earth was fruitful
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be very scared but I would be happy I know to get right with God.
I know it is a necessity.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was rough but it helped me to think about the tings that I never
thought about.
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Mon Nov 10 09:40:59 1997
F33 in Scott City, MO =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychological counseling student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, yrs10 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
unknown to the living and often times frightening. However, death will happen
to us all and perhaps it isn't so frightening but maybe a peaceful transition. It
is when our outward bodies cease to function and out soul moves on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not really certain what it meant and was unafraid, but knew I should be
sad
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandfather died of a heart attack when I was 6.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
feeling a pain in the pit of my stomach and in my hear. I just remeber
wishing and wishing I could have one more hug.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it cannot be avoided!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother died peacefully and without pain after having suffered for a
long time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the quiet times when I would speak to my grandmother as if she were sitting
next to me. I felt as though she was.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The reality that I would not see, touch, or hear their voice again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Touch them and tell them you love them. I held her hand as she died and it
was peaceful.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to let go and rely on the wonderful memories that we shared. One does
not always have to be sad about death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I felt that it was unfair when she had to suffer before she died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was touched by her and my memories surfaced as she would have wished.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her one last time how much she touched my life with love, acceptance, and
kindness. Also how much she will always be a part of me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
relate to my family and have my friends. Most of all that I know she knew how
much I love her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the challenge was over--the last breath to peace.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
not sure.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember how good her hugs felt and how much I miss them.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would never neglect or miss an opportunity to show my love. She would have
met her great granddaughter. I would treasure the time we had more
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I need her here with me now!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
cry until there are no more tears.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
did what was necessary: got up and accepted that I could not change any part
of it, but I could connect with people rather than isolate.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They subjected her to things unnecessary and pointless during her last few
weeks. They were trying to cure the uncurable.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
There was no contact
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Dealing with people I didn't know. However, the select few were comforting in
some ways, but the constant "God's Will" thing bugged me.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting! We were all created by the same God no matter how clouded our
views become during our existance here. We connect once again as we were before
birth.
--Regarding MONEY:
It wasn't a factor. Whatever it took is what we did. We weren't extravigant,
but the needs were met. There was no inheritance nor did it matter.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
People loved her and were respectful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Listening to the sermon. The minister only thought he knew her. I knew a
different lady. One that had spunk and wasn't afraid to demonstrate it. She was
about more than church attendance.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The person's frame of mind. Are they ready to die? Look at the eyes. A
peaceful shade of blue is when the end is near.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Anger was first! Then sadness, then lonliness. Finally I was okay.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She was in God's hands long before we were aware of it.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My father had a death experience. He was in a car accident and his heart
stopped. He recalls feeling great and thinking the man they were working on below
him was in bad shape. He then saw the man to be himself and thought I can't go now.
My daughter and wife need me now. He said he felt no pain, but that he must stay
with us.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feel she can hear me and knows my heart. There are no unresolved issues
after death. If there are those who feel unresolved issues are present, then
counseling with a compassionate professional is in order.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
She would tell me to be strong and live each day knowing that it is precious
no matter what the events are. She would tell me she loves me and will always be
with me. It would've been so comforting and would have eased the grief.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Their wishes should always be considered law. It is within their rights to
die with dignity and choose how and where to be buried. Their right to choose the
clothes--the works.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Scared! I would want to know. I would try to live each moment to the fullest
and reach everyone to let them know I love them and will always be with them.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing, journaling, and speaking to the stars.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
speaking to the stars and journaling.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Reality check! Reaffirms how precious life is.
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Mon Nov 10 06:33:12 1997
F18 in ATHENS, =GREECE=
Name: ELLI DOUZEPI <edouze-at-essex.ac.uk>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
taking tests
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Prof/Studies: STUDENT(PSYCHOLOGY)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 1 week ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 12.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the unknown
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not believe it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My best friend's sister died in a car accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that i was really depressed about it, but i tried to hide my feelings...
--What I think my (GREECE) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the deads'organs should be given away.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
NOTHING
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I never asked for support.I try to deal with these stuff on my own,although i
can't.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
every part.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
no advice to give.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
nothing...
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i try to imagine the moment that i die.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never felt like laughing about death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I don't feel any guilts.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn from them.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i think that nothing matters much,because afterall we are all going to die.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the wish to die old.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i always feel like crying.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think it would be better.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
what's the point of living, since we are all dying? Nothing satisfies me
enough anymore. Yet,if there was no death,would there be any interest in life?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die now or forget about death
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't stop thinking of death almost every hour ever since.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I have no experience of the medical community.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't belong to any religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
agreeable.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it's all typical.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that the dead are burried.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
none.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i don't know what to think.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have only dreamt about them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that they were happy.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i am not sure.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i think of it very often and it makes me really sad.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
there is none.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
nothing can
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was nice
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Mon Nov 10 05:12:06 1997
M39 in Great Bend, Jefferson County, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
web search on death and psychology.
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Prof/Studies: Army
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 22 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attach; Aged: 62.
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--Death Is:
The soul leaving the body and going to heaven.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Going to the wake, I'd didn't like this experience.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Mon Nov 10 03:56:40 1997
Anonymous Guest in BC, Canada
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 25 ago.
Cause of Death: natural; Aged: 80.
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--Death Is:
when the stops function
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not knowing how lond i have myself
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
dealing honest with the fact, and not in the shadows
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the end of the suffering for that person
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Sun Nov 9 14:11:32 1997
F23 in Boston, Massachussetts =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Filmmaking and multimedia
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 22.
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--Death Is:
losing the physical contact with people we love and not knowing where they
might be, if there is a place...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand it since I was too young
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was.my grandma died of a cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Frustration, sorrow, guiltness for not calling more often, but most of all,
the feeling that I did not tell him how much I cared and loved him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Speaking about it freely, not making it such a taboo, and learning to assist
people you love and that are closed to death in a positive way.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my friend got suicide, I realized I shall never do the same thing, even
if I sometimes thinkl about this "solution", because life is worth living, in spite
of all the pain and difficulties.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Writing to him like if he was still there... Listening to sad music just to
let tears come out. Also one of my two best friends whose brother commited suicide
one year before.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting that what he did was the choice he really made. I still believe he
did that in a moment of loss and extreme anguish.
Accepting not seeing him anymore and not knowing if I might see him again
one day, in another dimension...
The need to say him "I love You"
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Give all the positive thoughts and gestures you can. Don't ever cry in front
of him or her. Give smiles, hugs and love.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Love life !
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was just informed about it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I remembered the good times we had together, his face when he was clowning
around and was so proud to have everyone laughing and happy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say how much I loved him and how much of a great person he was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
meet him and have the times I had with him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I heard a particular song on radio.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
took my car and drove without aim or place to go.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I was only 5, I did not realize what happened
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Distractions
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Sun Nov 9 02:04:47 1997
M61 in Omaha, NE =USA=
Name: JOHN BASHAM <vakanci-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: early retirement
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Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: elizabeth kublerross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 40 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: coronary occlusion; Aged: 49 1/2.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
cessation of physical form
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went out to lunch and haven't come back yet.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...MD father died of coronary occlusion enroute to the
hospital to deliver a baby. His MD brother my uncle examined the body and completed
the death certificate
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
disbelief
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death happens to all of us now living.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
dad did not suffer
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
since i was out to lunch no one could help me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emotional pain caused by a sudden awarenessn that all things planned to do
as father and son could not be executed.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i wasn't there
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
really felt.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was first informed expected it to be a grandmother's death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still have not acknowledged death although mother, mother-in-law father-in-law
5 uncles 2 grandmothers 4 aunts and many friends have died
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
after nearly 40 years i still haven't dealt with dad's death in 1958
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Denial
none
Shall We Share Your Comments?: Please Do share
Identify You?: I welcome all communication!
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Sat Nov 8 23:00:38 1997
M17 in Des mOInes, Iowa =United States=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Highschool
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 38?.
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--Death Is:
a part of life, where all life in the body stops. Our heart, brain, and
other organs slowly quit, and then our soul goes up to heaven, where god watches
over it, and where your soul watches over the world
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset, and I cried. My mom was totally mortified, and so I had to
do all the moping to myself. I finally felt better because my mom had a bunch of
my uncles stuff, and she had asked me to help her put it away. We used my old shoe
box, and we put it all away together.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great grandpa had stumbled down his stairs when
going to get an apple. He had a blood clot form his brain, and he was found 2 days
later, dead, by his neighbor who was supposed to recieve the apples Great Grandpa
went to get.
Also, my uncle's buddy had hung himself. His wife had just left him, and
he was heavy into marijuanna. I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral. He was my
favorite uncle.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the fact that my uncle was on drugs, and I never new. I remember that his
relationship was shakey, but we never found that out until after his death.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How much longer, and more important step death is than life.
You are dead 99.99999999%of your life. Then god gives you a
fraction of your life to have fun, and screw around. Then
you go back to be serious.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my growth of sympathy towards my mom
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I was young, and ignorant
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
spurred interest in drugs (make them work, not try and kill myself) anger
towards my mom for ignoring my feelings towards the issue
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to tell them that you'd see them soon
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
now avoid the problems my uncle faced.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mom wouldnt speak to me about anything
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
convinced my uncle that I loved him, and if anything, he could live knowing I
loved him, and everyone else loved him, even if he made mistakes.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
understand humans emotions and thoughts towards suicide
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I dreamed about him at night.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
saying goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I was learning to play poker with him, at my grandparents house, and christmas
time when we were always so happy...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have had many events in my life. He would have had to come and meet
all my girlfrineds, and we'd play cards, and when I turned 18, he'd be the one
taking me to a strip bar
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he didn't try and live, for me! He jsut died, and never thought about how
I would handle it!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time, and call him when he was getting ready to hang himself and
then tell hime I lvoe him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began thinking about the whole importance, and the petiteness of our lives
compared to the whole universe
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the realization of life after death
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I told myself that he was in heaven, and I could talk to him anytime.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
I wasn't allowed to talk about it. It troubled my mom too much
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Sat Nov 8 14:56:47 1997
F32 in Regina, Sask. =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Grieving the loss of someone you love
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: Aids; Aged: 27 years.
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--Death Is:
Moving to a higher level of spiritual awarness
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was very shocked and afraid. Even though I knew he would not suffer
anymore and was going to a better place. It was very slow and aweful to
watch the struggle.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My younger brother died of Aids. I was his
health care proxy. he was in a coma and I had to make alot of tough
decisions on his behalf. Although I knew his wishes it was still hard.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The moment that he exhaled his last breath and his eyes opened at
the same time. he was really gone.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It can claim anyone at anytime.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I learned the importance of family and realize that life is to
short to hold on to petty grievances.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My Family they where a rock. This all occured three days before
christmas and for two weeks prior I almost lived at the hopspital my
husband and children did everything to help me out and make things easier
for me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The final moments. actually watching him struggle for breath and then
realizing this is it he is gone now. what will i ever do
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Touching, this transfers love. Even if they are in a coma.(my brother
was) Talk play music I think this would bring comfort. My brother always
said he wanted to die with dignaty
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When to realize the fight was over. and actually excepting that it
was time to let him go.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with him in the months before he died. I wish that i
had a better knowledge of Aids and what he was going through before hand
sothat I was not so confused about things like cd4 count and other medical
terms.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be at his side at the end.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Sometimes i can just be out walking and I just think Oh my he is gone
and it feels almost as intense as the moment he died and this can happen
out of the blue for no reason.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would for sure take more time to express my love and spend more
time.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young and had so much to offer
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Felt like I had been kicked in the gut
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Distress. I always felt that because of Aids he was mistreated and
often neglegted. also the dr,s did not seem able to explain things to us
very good everything was so technical and hard to understand.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I didn't even know about hospice's. I think this may have made a
differance.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I felt myself pulling away abit at this time
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My brother wanted to be creamated and this was hard on the family.
The idea seemed upsetting but in the end it was this that stands out most.
many family members have changed there view on creamation.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How all the medical people come in and chat and act like you will be
home in a few days
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
This was what we felt also. Medical people don't explain these things
and then all of a sudden you are there. the only thing i can say that I
really noticed a change in was his breathing. (although he was in a coma)
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
One day at a time! You will have good days and bad days. The first
year is the hardest. I found that volunteering my time to help others who
have this same illness has in turn helped me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feel like I at times failed to see that my brother was as ill as he
was. I feel like i failed him at a time that he may have needed me most. I
am not sure how exactly to resolve these issues. But i pray offten and ask
god to pass messages on to my brother.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would help alot. because it would give me the assurance that he is
indeed happy and alive and It would give me a chance to say I am sorry and
that I love him very much
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My brother had a living will. There was certain things that he did
not want done to him. We had to respect this. It was hard but i made a
promise to make sure that his wishes were respected.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
When my brother died many of us in my family had the feeling that we
were going to die soon. we all started feeling sick and really felt our
own mortality. I don't know if i would want prior notice of my death.
after watching my brother die I am afra id of death. It seems like a very
hard difficult process.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
About 12-14 months after his death, I began to volunteer at our local
Aids office
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
People don't know what to say. It makes them feel uncomfortable.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought up alot of memories for me but i think with time it gets
easier. Maybe it will help some to put some of these feelings to paper
like this and i hope i have been of some help.
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Fri Nov 7 21:14:04 1997
F28 in Corpus Christi, TX =USA=
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Prof/Studies: teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 23 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: over 60.
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--Death Is:
Like sleeping, only you never wake up again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 5 yrs old.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was 5 yrs, and the old lady across the street had
a heart attack and died. I remember it was late at night and I heard abulance
outside my window. I got up and went to my parents room. They were gone. When
I looked out of their bedroom window I saw red and yellow lights and men pull
Mrs. Thomson out of the house. I remember crying, feeling very sad. I knew she
had died. My parents never discussed it with me. They simply told me she had
died and gone to heaven.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my gradfathers death was awsome. he died of cancer and he knew he was
going to die. he made his peace with my grandmother, his 9 siblings and his 36
grandchildren. he made everyone around him comfortable with where he was going.
i remember he told me it was time for him to go. he wasn't afraid, he was
looking forward to seeing his mother and father. he told me he had already
spoken to his sister (whom had past way years earlier) and she told him they
were waiting for him and everything would be fine.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's not the end. It's the start of something great. Grandpa told
me,"Everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die".
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Being given the opportunity to say good-bye to my grandfather and
discussing with him his journey.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have explain briefly on other questions. One more detail. The morning
my grandfather died. 3 of my cousins ages 4 or younger said grandpa visited
them and told them he was leaving and to be good.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
close casket. buried the next day. my girlfriend take care of funaral and
distribute monies to my neices.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like to be given the same opportunity my grandfather had to say
good-bye to those I loved. I would also want to know where exactly I was going
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Say a prayer at night and some times talk to them as if they could hear me.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
try to be more positive and treat everyone as if it's the last time I'll
see them.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
I believe they are in a better place. I feel saddness for a short time and
know they are always in my heart.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
brought back some sad memories however helpful. I never talked to anyone
about the death i experienced at the age of 5, never even wrote about it
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Fri Nov 7 20:20:33 1997
F44 in Mountain View, California =USA=
Name: Janet Beaver <beav-at-pacbell.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: cashier
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 92.
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 6 years old, and scared.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was the death of my great grand mother. I had to
go to the funeral home.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
It was my grandmother, and she had a stroke, and was put in a nursing
home. She spent 5 1/2 years there. Finally she just gave up and wanted to die.
It was heart failure, but i believe she willed her self to die. I remember the
pain in her eyes mostly, and how bad she wanted to go home.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to be afraid of death, it is just the next step into your journey.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The good Lord took my grandmother, she was in alot of pain so it is good
because she had no more pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my believe in God, and my partner in life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was saying goodbye
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I think just let that person talk, and always remember to say I Love You.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I remembered some funny things about my grandmother right a after she died,
and i rember laughing out loud, when the family gathered after her death. But i
feel the laughing was just a release for all the built up tension.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To let her know how much she meant to me. And that i would take care of my
mother for her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be with her in the end.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go past the nursing home where my granny died, then i might cry. Also she
died on thanksgiving day, i cry at that time of the year, or i have pictures of
her on the refridge, i cry sometime when i look at them.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
With my granny's death i didn't feel that way, because she was 92. But my
aunt Helen died, she was fit, and stopped smoking and she died of a brain tumor
,it was very un expected, and i thought it isn't fair, she was a good lady. and
only 62
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
could talk about it in therapy
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was just numb for months after . I constanly talked about my grand mother,
and it was hard for me not being able to go see her at the nursing home.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
happiness that she didn't have to sufer anymore.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I knew God was with my granny
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Alot of my granny's family was there, and i know that would have meant alot
to her.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know if she experienced this or not
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Fri Nov 7 13:53:15 1997
F17 in Allison Park, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 18.
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--Death Is:
the end of physical life. No more breathing, eating, laughing...etc.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... grandfather died of heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the idea of never seeing him again. Never being able to talk to him, or
touch him, or hug him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mom and my therapists
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my suicidal thoughts and self-mutilating actions
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
overcame my negativity. I got help and moved on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I finally realized that he was truly gone
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him exactly how I felt
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he didn't talk to anyone and that he gave up on life so early
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Denial
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Fri Nov 7 00:27:14 1997
F22 in Hohenwald, TN =USA=
Name: Jakki Parchment <KissLover-at-webtv.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Manager
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Nephew, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: problems with birth; Aged: 2 days old.
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--Death Is:
Someone ceases to be on the Earth anymore. Goes to meet their maker.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt like the world would swallow me up. I wanted to go with her.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandmother whom I was very close to passed away
from a fight with cancer. I was only nine at the time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Seeing the whold family come together as never before to comfort the lose.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
When we die if you are a child of God, there is no reason for anyone to be
sad for you. You are going to be in Heaven with our Father.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Everyone coming to comfort me in a time of mourning.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The support of my family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Trying to go on without them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just make sure they always know you love them.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
She was a child of God. She is in Heaven looking down on me and she is
happier than she ever could have been on this Earth.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
God took a newborn baby away from us.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Just be with my Grandmother as much as possible and let her know how much I
love her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Just them saying they were sorry for the loss we had to encouter
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a picture or hear a certain song and especially when I see my
Grandmother's traits in my mother.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I do not feel my life would be the way it is today if she were still here.
My mother and I would also get along much better I think.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Everyone else has a granny
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have her hold me again and hear her say that she loves me and I'll always
be her favorite because I was the first born grandchild and have her read me a
story that she has memorized in her mind
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot. It gave me something to look forward to. Someday seeing her again.
It also gave me the feeling that she would be happy because she was with my
Grandfather and with God
--Regarding MONEY:
My family had to scrap up enough money for the funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The day she was buried, it rained. God, to me, was said that she was
leaving us behind.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I found my strengh in my family and in God, that is what everyone needs to
do
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I'm not sure if she knows how much I love her
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, somewhat. I would try and get my husband and daughter's finacial
stability ready for whtn I'm gone I would not like to know when I going to die,
though
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
At the time of her death I was also being molested by my mother's boyfriend
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It just made me miss my Grandmother more
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ From
Nov 6 16:13:52 1997
F43 in Napa, CA =USA=
Name: Jeanette Sanchez <>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Bereavement Coordinator
More personal info:
coordinate bereavement program, groups etc...
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: How to Go On Living When A Loved One Has Died
Authors:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 39.
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--Death Is:
no longer being in the world in a physical sense
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt sad and scared
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was a grandparent died of a heart attack..
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
picking out the coffin,seeing the ambulance
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
an acceptance of death can make the living process more meaningful
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the understanding that when my parents or other close family members die I
will be able to survive it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My cousin who was dealing with the loss of his wife
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing them,missing them, missing them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them talk about their death
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
understood that death is only a change in status. You still feel the
person's presence in all things.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
approximately 3 months after the death, very depressed.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was in shock
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with her before she died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The sense that she was there.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I celebrate an important event for my daughter and wish she could have been
with me. My cousin remarried and I'm not as close to his second wife.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We'd go shopping and talk about the kids and our men problems etc..I'd
still have my good good friend.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was too young and didn't get to spend time with her son and my
daughter.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Bring her back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and felt very sad
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not thought about there role.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort right after her death
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that she watches over us and sees what we're doing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
her son (who was only five)
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how those first few hours you feel like this is normal
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
remember that grief is an up and down process
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have experienced this with numerous patients in hospice where I work.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have a seizure disorder and have experienced going through a tunnel
during a seizure
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feel sad but resolved about the loss. I still wish she was here to talk
to.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd like to talk to her about our kids and how they are doing.It is
something I miss in my life. That connection
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
to allow the dying their dignity, to allow them to be who they are until
the end
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about it all the time since I work daily with the dying and the
bereaved. It makes me appreciate my family and how precious they are and how at
a moment we can be gone.,
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
watch movies, talk about her openly.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I work with numerous individuals who have lost loved ones. Some of my
favorite rituals include the "Chalice Light Reading, reading of the names etc..
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Helping Other People cope
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I typically think about other's who have gone through a death but very
infrequently about my own experiences.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 6 15:45:34 1997
F30 in Largo, fl =us=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, yrs1 ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body will not function for some reason or another and the soul
leaves the body and goes to heaven where everything is peaceful, the soul may
even still be near thier loved ones watching over them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not upset, i was saddenedi would not see the again though
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my grandfather, i was 9 yrs old, i coped
well, i was mad at my brothers (older) who had made fun of him when he was
alive, i thought they should be feeling pretty bad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how hurt my mother and grandmother were, also they had an open casket
funeral, this i did not like, i did not want my last vision of my grandfather to
be dead lying in his coffin, i wanted my last memorys to be of him being happy
and content
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought alot of family together, people i had not seen in many years,
and i made them promise that we will continue to have gatherings that death
should not be the only reason we have to get together
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wishing i would have visited sooner, i had planned (actually bought airline
tickets for me and my son for 3 weeks after his death) but i wished i would have
planned the trip sooner, there was no way for me to know, but i would have liked
my son to see his greatgrandfather one more time
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
letting them know everything will be fine and taken care of, that i love
them and will miss them
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit sooner
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when young people die, my husbands good friend, only 18 years old was side
swiped and his truck ran into a tree he died with head injuries, or his sister
of 28 yrs old dying with colon cancer, i find this is not fair, especially to
the people they leave behind, mothere, grandparents, fathers , brothers etc...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
made plane reserveations to be with my mother and grandmother, i knew there
would need support
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
for my grandfather i feel the medical community did everything possible,
for my sister in law i feel she could have received more help had she had
insurance
--Regarding MONEY:
it didnt
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the turn out of people and the kindness from them
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
i lost my second grandfather last year, and helping others cope and stay
strong helped me just as well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? People's Stories, etc.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 5 22:05:30 1997
F23 in , Saskatchewan =Canada=
Guest: <canada130-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Footprints
Authors: Anonymous
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of a person's life. But, it does not mean that they are gone. Many
people believe that humans contain souls that live on forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had no idea had to react. Was I supposed to be sad because my 96 year old
grandmother was dead?
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Great-Grandmother died at the age of 96. She passed
away in her sleep.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how many people knew and loved her. My friend was only 17. She touched the
lives of her friends so much. Over 200 people were at her funeral.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Both tragic and a blessing. It is tragic when a young life is ripped out from
them. But, for those in pain and suffering, death is a way to end all their
turmoil.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my friends and I helped each other through the death of someone we all
loved.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends who knew and loved the same person I did.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that my friend was killed so young and so tragically.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to grieve and just let go of all my hurt and anger.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first found out my friend died. I blamed the driver that hit her car, I
blamed God and I blamed her all at the same time.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
death is a strange occurence to most people. We have not been taught to grieve
properly. I had no idea what I should have been feeling. It was a confusing time
that just needed a laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much I loved and respected her as a person.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have all my good friends around me when I needed to talk.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my friend's sister told the mourners that Kerrianne was up in Heaven making
God a purple velvet robe. She loved to make clothes...it was as if she had just
moved on to a different place.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how a funeral is supposed to be so expensive. it just doesn't matter what the
corpse looks like...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear the song they played at Kerrianne's funeral. It was a recorded song she
had done in singing lessons. She was dead, yet, we were hearing her sing.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be her friend still. We would talk occassionally and reminese about
school, friends, guys...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's not fair that someone so young was taken away from her family and
friends.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring her back. Her family needed her. Her friends needed her. She had so much
to give to the world.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
blamed everyone for her death.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
anger and acceptance at the same time. I was angry they could not save her,
but I realize that doctors are human. There are some people who can not be saved no
matter what.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it meant that we were a community dealing with one person's death. I was not
wanting to use a church to deal with her death. I spoke to God myself...on my own
terms.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a wonderful idea. I believe we are all kindred spirits who experience a
peace and world not experienced here on earth.
--Regarding MONEY:
certain friends got certain items from her family. Many argued over what they
wanted.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was crowded but it was a comfortable feeling. All those people were there
for one reason: the death of a young woman.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wondering what it was like for her to die in that car crash. Did she suffer?
How did she look?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I do not know. She died soon after she was brought to the hospital. Her family
did not mention anything like this.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I was angry at my friend a few days before she died. I was angry that she
spent more time with her other friends. I never told her I was angry. I wanted to
talk to her about it. But, I never had the chance.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask Kerrianne if I was a good friend to her. I would ask her if she
was happy where she was. If I could talk to her, I'd feel better about the guilt I
felt when she died.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe that all people should make out a will of some sorts even if they
are young. They should ensure that all their loved ones know that they love them.
They should also know if the person is an organ donor.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have always felt that I was going to die young and tragically. It has been a
feeling I have carried since I was a young child. I have written my will even at
the age of 16. I am now 23 and I wonder what they will write for me in my obituary.
I wond er what people will say at my funeral. I wonder if I will go to Heaven and
if i was a good person.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just pray often to God. I ask Her/Him to say hello to my friend and
drandparent. I ask God to take care of them.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I pray almost every night.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think the questionnaire helped me get rid of some pain I was experiencing.
Death is such a hard topic to talk about. Here, you can be honest without being
judged.
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Wed Nov 5 13:20:54 1997
M18 in Mission, Texas =US=
Name: Cody Krueger <sparx-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo tests and quizzes
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: Hemingway. Not actually about death, but in MANY of his
books, the protagonist, the one the reader has come to care for, dies. And
he puts it in a manner that makes their passing seem the next step in
their journey, and does so painlessly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, -1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: Old age?; Aged: 70+.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
many things. Each person has their own concept of it. Some fight it,
refusing to consider the possibility of it happening to them. Others
ignore it, simply denying it's existence. Some acknowledge it's presence
in the world, others still, revel in it's " darkness." It all depends on
how you see life that you create your interpretation of death.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was upset that I hadn't known them as I should have.Of course, there
were reasons for that, but it seemed an irretrieveable loss to me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... the closest i ever came to it was when my
younger brother was involved in an incident where a nail had punctured his
chest and penetrated his heart. Him and I were rather close, and I was
aware of the possibility of him not mak ing it. I wasn't especially angry
or saddened by this possibility, because in all senses, there was nothing
I could do about it. So I resigned myself to the fact that the worst could
come to pass, and continued to hope that it wouldn't.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The reality of it. Simply, all that he was now was a bag of ashes.
Nothing remained of him as a person. He was just mere matter.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
My lineage contains Spanish roots, and I remember celebrating Dia de
los Muertos. It seemed odd at first, but I figured, "Why not embrace Death
as a part of life?" The rest of the world would do good to accept it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It made me value my life MUCH more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reflection. Although many family members offered words of support and
understanding, they were just words. I had to figure out for myself what
this meant to me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Not that I have, but I understand the need to do so. Just to prove
that you were not dead. Some effort to dispel this aura around this event.
Although it is not approved of, I'm sure many people feel the need to do
something along the same lines in t hese events.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Realization that it is a natural and inevitable facet of life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 5 12:10:57 1997
M32 in Boston, MA =USA=
Name: <rglee-at-bu.edu>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: anyrism; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we cease to be as we are in our current state.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shcoked...unable to believe that someone could 'cease to be'
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandmother died...I was one of the last
people to see her. I come from an Iriah-Catholic family, so we had a long
wake and funeral...many people visiting...also telling stories. Lots of
tears but lots of laughter as well...I didn't realizer that both were
being used by people to cope in different ways.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The *intensity* of the sadness that this person is no longer around.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we need to talk about more openly.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the realization taht others who are still around are important and we
need to not take people for granted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to friends..
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling that there was *nothing* I could do about it...feeling
very powerless..
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first heard that she had died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye, and thank-you to her for everything she has given me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
cry...
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
someone thaned me for attending the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see her name in my address book, or a picture or a thought...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she died alone
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get over it..
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was around a lot of otehr people who had alkso recently heard
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
pessimism
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing....
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the intensity of emotion in one enclosed place..INTENSE sadness...
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her body and not wanting to believe it was her.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
No, I am still looking for something, fgor this and otehrs deaths I have experienced.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was useful in putting my firnd's death back in the forefront of my
mind...and realizing how imprtant she was..
thanks
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 5 11:16:59 1997
F20 in Cape Town, =South Africa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
browsing psychological testing
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Prof/Studies: Studying education
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of our physical life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was explained to properly what is meant for someone to die.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great grand mother i was not really
effected by her death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
is being totally depressed with uncontrollable emotions for months.
--What I think my (South Africa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I think the Jewish religion has excellent stratergies of dealing
with death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being grateful for those around me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the social worker at school
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the absence of my fathers presence in all aspects of my life then,
and in the future.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a form of relieving stress and tention of myself and those
around me who were worring about my wellbeing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much he really meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
NO- my whole life has changed, I could never be thankful for any
aspect of his death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how we cope, financially, after his death. This was, n reality, the
least of our problems.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a celebration or speacial family holiday come.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
In dreams of togetherness I am a far happier more complete person.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did this have to happen to me?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
when it is your time to die, nothing will be able to save you.
If it is not yet your time, medical staff or other trained
proffessionals will probably still be able to save you.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a major support group.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I disagree...I feel that people have different views on this.
--Regarding MONEY:
nothing really changed in this regard after his death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i cant really remember much of it, as I have chosen to block this out
of memory.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
coming to terms with that I would never see or speak to my father
again.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
N/A
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have only ever "seen" him in dreams and even then his face is never
clear to me. I awake with a happy warm sensation in my body.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
try not to think about it much!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think questionaires like this can help you work through things again.
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Wed Nov 5 08:25:27 1997
F29 in El Paso, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my dad's best friend's wife passed away when I
was about 6. I went to the funeral.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Wed Nov 5 04:47:10 1997
F19 in Dale City, Virginia =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!-Social Science
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Prof/Studies: unemployed
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide (overdose); Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a termination of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried at first, then got over it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died of a heart attack while
jogging on a gravel road. I was 9 years old or so, and I cried when I
found out, then I didn't care much afterwards.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
everybody else couldn't believe it, and her sister went wild
(reckless).
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to talk about it more openly.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it taught me how to conceal my emotions.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own self.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
everybody else wouldn't stop talking about her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I must have been dreaming, because I wasn't upset.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get her address and write to her ore often after she moved away.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be her friend at the time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people accepted it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the fact that she was taken from us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am asleep. I told you...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would've told her to stay here.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to go and do that, when her sister was more likely to.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
shoot everybody around me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt the same as before.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
general incompetence (you've never been to Potomac Hospital).
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
false.
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral was expensive.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how I couldn't real-ize it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
depression
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I should not be around dying people.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
nothing they could say would make anything better for me here.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want my death to be painless.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I put it out of my mind.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Tow people so far in my life close to me have died. I felt nothing
at all.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Helping Other People cope
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I now know that I don't feel too much. I must block it out or something.
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Wed Nov 5 00:09:36 1997
F42 in Libby, Mt. =U.S.=
Name: <disney-at-libby.org>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
searching in mental health
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Prof/Studies: Music teacher
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: When Bad Things Happen To Good People
Authors:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 8years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 9 years old.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our physical life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad, but glad that they would not suffer anymore
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died of lung cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my mother-in-law last year. I rember the whole family being with her
the last few days. Sharing our love for mom, our memories, and helping
each other.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that you can't hide from it or ignore it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when someone is dying, from a illness. The time that can be given to
love and care for that person , is a sad, but also a very beautifull,
humbling time. When the death is sudden or unexpected it is a completely
different feeling. Full of guilt, ange r, and sadness
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I did not feel able to share with family or friends because they were
as damaged as I was. I had friends who took me to a support group, also
keeping a journal, and when I could focus enough reading books from people
who had gone through it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the blaming of myself, real or imagined, it didn't make any
difference. I think all parent deal with some of that even if they had
nothing to do with their childs death. Always the if onlys
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
is not to be afraid to touch them. I have also found some like music.
To not be afraid to admit to them if they need to that they are dying.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
All I can say that I learned from the death of my son is how much
pain one human soul can endure whether it wants to or not. From the death
of my mother-in-law from cancer. is the feeling of completeness that you
get knowing that you did the best tha t you could to let someone die
knowing they were loved.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they were ready to die, but their physical body would keep on going.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to hold my son while he was dying, to kiss him goodbye and to say I
was so sorry. To have let him die with his family not a bunch of strangers
working on him in the hospital.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
son- nothing
mother-in-law to keep her home as long as we could and to be there
the last time she was awake and to be there when her physical body
stopped.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I always thought when someone died something big happened, they would
wake sit up, do something, but with mom it was just longer between breaths
until there just wasn't anymore
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
people seemed suprised that we didn't call the nurses in a panic. It
was just so peacefull that we just sat with mom for awhile. Why would we
call out, they weren't going to bring her back.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when I see something that I would have wanted to share with my son,
or I see his old friends and classmates all grown up into young adults
ready to strike out on their own. When another child is killed in a
senseless way.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be watching my son turning into a young man. He would be
graduating from high school this year. We would be doing all the senior
thing, getting ready for college. I always wonder would his brain and body
have caught up with each other. Or wou ld he still have been way out in
left field figuring out the meaning of life when he was supposed to be
doing spelling?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why I am alive!!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
pull out my heart so it wouldn't have the pain in it anymore.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
son-I withdrew completely within myself, My soul was so damaged I
could not open myself to anyone. In the support class I went to it took me
4 weeks just to share my name, let alone say why I was there.
Mother-in-law I was sad for the loss of not having her with us. But glad
that she was no longer in pain and suffering.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
son- being from a small town I felt so sorry for the medical
community to not be able to save him. The doctor that delivered him also
was the one who couldn't save him. I know some of the ambulance crew quit
after that, the helplessness and pain. mother-in-law. the problems with a
small town are also the blessings with mom, it was so good to have friends
that knew and cared for her as a person to be helping take care of her.
You knew she wasn't just a patient, but a friend and they wanted only wha
t was best for her.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
confused, and gratefull. They were caring and helpful esp. getting
equipment. But we were never to sure about what they would or wouldn't do
for us.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
at first I was angry if God had caused and planned my sons death I
wan't nothing to do with him. Many people are comforted by feeling God
needed him or had plans that caused Dan to die. In the book When Bad
Things Happen To Good People there is a sto ry about a child running ahead
of his parents and when they catch up to him he is dead and God is leaning
over him. They cry out My God what have you done to our son. God says I
did not kill him, but I will care for him and comfort him. That is the way
I choose to see God. Caring and comforting my son when I cannot. Maybe he
will make some good come from this, but I can not believe he planned it. I
believe he is as sad as i am that it happened. My church has been a source
of comfort in that is where I can
feel through the music close to God and Dan. I can't say the pastor or
the people have helped, but that is also because I chose not to open up to
them, but they were nice enough to let me sit and cry through many
services
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that death is a physical thing not a spiritual thing. I don't have
any idea what happens to the spirit, but I do believe it continues on in
some fashion.
--Regarding MONEY:
that many people sent us money, but I could not bear to spend it. We
finally split between our sons favorite activities, and purchased
something for each of them in his memory. What was really moving was the
people who paid for things without us know ing. To find your phone bill
paid for, the casket paid for. That moved me so much.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
son- how touched I was by all the people who cared enough to come to
the funeral and share such a deep pain. To see the church and the church
yard completly full of people supporting us. The partI hated was asking
people to say a few words about Dan.
When it a child or a sudden unexpected death people are to sad, and in
to much shock and it makes everyone uncomfortable to sit there in the
silence. mother-in-law. It was celebrating her life. having my son and
brother-in-law sing to share parts of what had been a full life with each
other.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the look of peace, and gradual slowing of breath
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
everyone must be allowed to grieve in their own way, and each one
will be different. There is not a wrong way or a right way. Sometimes we
make bad decisions in the way we handle it, but we must come to the way to
resolve our grief in our own ways. N ot to say that we don't need help
many of us do, but the help must be in how should we deal with these
issues. Not how someone else says we should.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
My issues are of guilt. All the if onlys. If only I had been a better
mother I would have known where he was, if only I hadn't turned the
machine on, if only I had heard his cries for help..... I really don't
know of any way to resolve them, I just h ave learned that my death would
not bring a solution, it would not bring Dan back and would hurt more
people. So I live to care for other people and hope that my life is not in
vain.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just to say I love you, I am sorry, are you okay wherever you are? To
hear him say I love you mommy, I don't blame you, and I am okay.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe people who can should be able to have some control over
their own death, how far to medically to save them My sister-in-law is
fighting cancer. She has gone through chem, surgery, radiation, and more
surgery. When she said no more chemo we had to respect that, this last
surgery was done because her husband wanted her to try one more thing. She
did not want it, but did it for him, I am not sure that is a good idea. I
believe the funeral is for the people left behind and you do not always
hav e to abide by the wishes of the dead. If mom says she doesn't want a
funeral because she doesn't want anyone making a fuss over her, but the
family needs it for their healing process, then I say have the funeral.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be sad to die now, because my daughter need a mom to help her
grow up.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Is to still invove Dan in our life. To rember him, to talk about him.
At Christmas we all go out to the cemetery. Light candles and wish them a
merry Christmas.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
instead of asking God in prayer to do for me I ask for strength to
cope. I do not expect to control situations, but hope that I can help or
survive it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
also support groups
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
sad, but good. I realize the guilt is still there, just carefully
hidden away, so I can function
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Tue Nov 4 17:00:37 1997
F19 in Portland, Oregon =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11 years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 67.
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--Death Is:
considered by many to be "IT." The end. No more. People try to
prolong the coming of death as much as they can and often times when they
are clsoe to the end, they look back over their lives and regret all the
things they did wrong or did not do but shou ld have. That is why death
often has negative connotations
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather had cancer when I was little
and he was visitng my family (They lived out of state) for what turned out
to be the last time. He was staying in my room and I was sleeping on a
cot. All I could hear was his snoring and I remember I sat up in the
middle of the night and whispered that I wished he would just go away.
Well, later that night he tried to go downstairs for a drink of water but
was really weak from the chemo and fell. He was taken to the hospital but
he d idn't make it through the night and for the longest time I thought I
was the one who caused his death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the guilt I felt when my grandfather died and how I thought it was
all my fault and how I wished I had been nicer to him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to realize that it is a natural function that goes hand in hand with
life. Everything that is born must also die sometime.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandfather's deah ended the terrible pain he felt from the cancer
and the chemotherapy. He is no longer suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my parents- even though my dad was also dealing with losing his
father at the same time- he comforted me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that I would never see him again, could never surf on his
back while in the pool...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
time evntually passed but it was rough on me at first
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
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Tue Nov 4 16:53:22 1997
F14 in El Paso, Texas =USA=
Name: Salua Vianeey Baida <sbaida-at-socorro.k12.tx.us>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I was looking for an experiment(I'm way into psychology)
Help! I need a project
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Prof/Studies: student Americas HS, future: Psychiatry branch
More personal info:
God is needed. POST!!!
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Al-Anon group... title: One Day at a Time
( Deals with pain in general, forget dwelling )
Authors:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: 4th heart attack; Aged: 63.
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--Death Is:
when a person passes on to a better/worse life (depending on their
behavior when on earth). Sometimes deaths, apparently unfair, are results
of man's evilworks on earth... such as an innocent driver becoming a
deadly victim of a drunk person. All commandments protect us from unfair
death.
In the case of sudden deaths, of age, or birth deffects... The
Lord has his reasons, they are mysteries that we will never understand but
must learn to deal with and accept.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was clueless, unaware of the next step. I was lighthearted and
immature. It was painful when it hit me... He's not coming back. He's
gone.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I heard family members talking about the pain
this relative must be feeling. Later, I was 9 and 9 months when my own,
most beloved adoration passed on... my father.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My mother and I were walking down an alley. My father had already
passed on and I hadn't been told. My mother was to afraid of what my
reaction might be like because our love and devotion was so incredibly
intact.
As I asked her where we were going, she said that we were going to
turn in some X-rays so that a more professional doctor could examine my
father's problem.
We were really going to a psychiatrist's office. She left me
ouside, walked in, and came out. The question was: How do I break this to
my child? She was his only need, he was her's!
The psych. said I would have to be told and that I would cope.
The saddest part to remember is as we were walking down that
alley, I said to my mother,"I feel that if he dies, I'll die." My mother
burst into tears. My father had passed away the day before...
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I am quite appreciative with the treatment I have recieved as a
Hispanic American Arabian... My Catholic religion gave me support and
understood. I was offered so much love, I needed it! I just wish that the
condolence speech most people give wasn't, I understand what you are going
through ( No, you don't! You may have an idea from past experiences or
research, but this is my pain. There is no other like it. I am not another
number on the statistics banner.)
Let me deal with this!!!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to value everything my father ever did for me. I knew
then how undoubtable my love was. I became even closer to God. I learnd to
love my mother as much as my father, to value her. I thank GOD OPENING MY
EYES and letting me see the sunny side.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
READING!!! My reading never had anything to do with death, yet it was
my escape. It was a different mindset for me to drown in. I had no worries
then. Icould getaway from the pain instead of having to live with it
constantly and sink into more misery.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I had never been with out my DADDY, it was tough. I later
realised, Dad said he would always be there... Stupid me never
noticed he'd been with me the whole way through and that he would
remain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Love them. Pray for them and with them. Leave them in God's hands,
for with him, there is nothimg to fear.
Most of all, be with them throughout life... Don't wait for their
last words to see how much you missed out on.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I want them to love all throughout life, if you do this, there will
be no regrets. Memories will then be beautiful and the future brighter and
more liveable.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I BEGAN FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. I learned to live and cope.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I'm glad I laughed. I'll keep laughing. It's God's gift!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
LOVE more. SHARE more. PRAISE more. KISS more. HUG more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
LIVE ON. learn. and thank GOD for each new day. LOVE
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I thought, Who will play with my children. He loved kids!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
How he died! Does that matter?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
If I cry, I don't even know why. I am happy wiht my life and
participants of it. I'd rather laugh and smile and think, God is great,
look what he has helped me live with !
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would love more. Yet i am content with what God has given me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's not if it's fair or not, it's what God wants.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
speak to my passed loved one. Just hug him once more and
feel the scurity I've yearned for.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I went into worse shock! I prayed! I didn't know what to do!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
GOD IS GREAT
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
GOD KNOWS THE PATH AND THE DEPARTED ONE AND MYSELF WILL
LEARN OT FOLLOW...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I had never heard of that. I just always knew that Catholicism
was what I needed. I had GOD, that's all I needed to know!
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
GOD's mysteries are just that, mysteries.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
My father taught me to be strong, he knew that in the end al would be
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
I was too young to understand the concept, much less think that he
would be gone forever!
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Tue Nov 4 16:50:07 1997
M41 in Kalamazoo, MI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Link from yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Software Eng.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 62.
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--Death Is:
the end of ever seeing a person again. There is no hope before we
die to ever meet and resolve.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not care. I was glad it was over because its development was
very messy.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... The spouce of our babysitter had lung cancer.
We, the children, hated her so we had little feeling about her or her
spouce.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
complete loss. I now understood how much my mother had cared for us
through her damaged brain.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is natural. Take time to greave or rejoyce. Take time to look at
what was and how it got to be that way. It is ok to feel about some
death. God understands what we feel.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the end to a long painful journey for my mother. She is now in the
hands of GOD. Grandma, had become a veg. Now she is whole again. Life
has value until the end. But, when the end comes rejoice in having live
and your travel to your new world. You have built who you are and your
mistakes are forgiven!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My brother and I talked about the life that had just passed.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Coworker not understanding the pain and saying thing like "perhaps
you should work harder".
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Your prayers and loving thought help the transition from one world to
the next. They also help establish a connection that transends time and
boundries.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved them all, I tried to and found good in all, and that I am sorry
for being weak and finite.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was in Germany, and I receive a message to light a candle for my
mother. I did not know why but I did and went about my days activities.
Later that night I got a call about mother going to the hospital.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
????
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
???
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
????
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and became numb.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 4 09:04:03 1997
F28 in Woodbridge, VA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Jonathan Livingston Seagull
Authors:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 47.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried, but was not that sad. It was if it was not that big of a deal. Not
like some people that I have seen who become absolutely hysterical and unable to
function.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my step-father died of cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
feeling that your life could be snuffed out at any time without warning.
Also, thinking about the finality of it all. It's hard to imagine never seeing
that person ever again.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That once you are gone, you're gone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Feeling as if they would still be there, but then knowing that they wouldn't.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Was able to be strong for my ex-boyfriend. It was his father that died and
he was absolutely devastated.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I think laughter is a nervous reaction to the overwhelming feeling of grief.
You feel so sad and helpless that you don't know how to handle the loss.
Therefore you do something out of the ordinary, like laughing, or totally shutting
down all of your emotions.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk with his dad one last time before he died, just to let him know how much
I appreciated all that he had done for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Contain my emotions so I could be strong for my ex. I knew he needed me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how much he's missing in all of our lives. It makes me sad to
think that he has 3 grandchildren and he never got a chance to meet any of them.
It makes me sad.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That this kind, goodhearted man was taken away from this earth instantly,
without even a slight warning, and that he will miss out on the lives of his
children & grandchildren. That those grandchildren will not have the privalege of
knowing their gr andfather & what a good person he was.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
immediately felt the need to be with my ex-boyfriend, even though we were no
longer together, I knew he needed me. His father & I were very close, and he & I
remained close friends even after we broke up.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Having the service at the AME Zion church in our community. (The same church
where he had re-married only 6 months earlier.) There was lots of music and
praising God, and praying to God for his soul.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people filled the church. He was a well-loved man.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
kissing him on the cheek and saying goodbye at the funeral. It was like
kissing a stone, cold & hard. I was a little shocked at how cold his face
was....it actually kind of mesmorized me for a minute. I'll never forget that
feeling.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
As I said before, I would like to tell him how much he affected my life, and
how greatful I was to him for welcoming me into his family even after his son & I
broke up, yet remained friends, Mr. P always had a place in his home for me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
One should always make a living will so other family members will know
exactly what your wishes are. This way, there is no cause for confusion.. For
example, I wish to be creamated. Growing up Catholic, my grandmother considers
this a sin & would n ever allow my mother to creamate my body. I have however,
stated this wish in my will.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have always felt that I will contract a long-term illness and that I will
suffer for a long time before I die. I don't know why that is, but I have. I
guess that explains why I have little or no fear of flying, driving in a car, or
things such as this. I never felt that I would die instantly that way.
When I do die, I have expressed to my family & friends, that I would like
to donate any and all organs/tissues that are needed, and then would like to be
creamated. My ashes will be sprinkled in NY City. (This is where I've always
dreamed of living, but will probably never be able to afford it.)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Mon Nov 3 19:01:35 1997
F41 in pittsfield, Ma =USA=
Name: Bonnie Brace <bembrace-at-berkshire.net>
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Mon Nov 3 19:01:35 1997
F41 in pittsfield, Ma =USA=
Name: Bonnie Brace <bembrace-at-berkshire.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking for info on the effects of parental death on adolescence for a psych project
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Prof/Studies: returning psych major...studying to be a Thanatologist
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: the last dance; on death and dying; who dies
Authors:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: conjestive heart failure; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
just another step toward another plain of existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
knew it was going to happen so I was not surprised or afraid ..it was to me a
very peaceful beautifyul experience, one i have carried with me for all these years
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I had a dream when I was 5 or 6 that my grandmother had
died...also dreamed of her funeral...it came true..I was my grandmothers favorite
grandchild.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
at least i saw my mom the day before she passed on and she knew how much i
loved her. Her life and her love is carried insideof me always
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
there is nothing to be scared of and it should be celebrated with joy
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
during the funeral i sensed my moms presence and felt her kiss my cheek as she
said goodbye
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my moms Hospice workers was absolutley wonderful
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I wasn't there when she took her final breath ...I din't know the moment she
passed on..and I had always known before what shewas feeling...it was difficult to
realize that she didn't want me to know...
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk about their passing with them freely...allow them to express their
thoughts..be honest
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i would most likely do it again..laugh that is...it is a stress reliever and
aids in the healing process
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
let my mom know I loved her..and that I have no real regrets
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for a long time but in that crying there was healing
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
absolutley wonderful
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having an additonal support system
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
it is a cycle..and we all partake in the life anddeath of others
--Regarding MONEY:
it is very expensive to die
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it's simplistic beauty and how much it revealed my moms faith
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the far off look one gets in their eyes and there is a sweet smell that
surrounds the person departing
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i too went thru all the basic steps of grieving and to some extent i still
grieve for my mom..i miss her we were very close
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
when it happens it happens I am not afraid..and have had to face my own
mortality..it changes you when you come face to face with your own mortality
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
when I dealt with my dads death...I wrote about it as a catharsis..it helped in
the healing...I have not written about my mom as of yet..this is the first time I
have even come close to writing about her
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
I believe that at that young age it helpedto be able to see my grandmother at
the wake...to touch her and say goodbye in spite of my age.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this is the first time I have written even a small about my moms death...maybe
it will help me to write about her now..
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 3 18:18:26 1997
F40's in Florida =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: the book on death and the after death experience
Authors: Betty eadie or something like that
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Nephew, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of existence in this body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought it would be differnet
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my grandfather who I was not all that
close to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the shock and the feeling of loss(waste)
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is forever on this earth
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
did not suffer
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling of loss of this person and not being able to make
it better for my sister
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talking and being passionate
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped with it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it was all over.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
its God's way of helping us to cope
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my nephew.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my sis
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
alot of people came to see us
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
making the arrangements
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a picture of my nephew when he was young
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
happier
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
tat God took one so young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
crawl up and send the world away
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
hurt
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hopelessness
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a way to cope
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the essense of life
--Regarding MONEY:
it does not matter at all
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
is a way to say goodbuy
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I was happy to see family I hadnt seen in awhile
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
should of been closer to him. will learn all I can from my
sister
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Things will get better. We love you
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
cremation or not
what to do with my things
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Have been close to death and do not fear it for me but for the
ones left behind. Want them to know that it's ok
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
trying to think of something positive
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
ok want my daughter to do it she's 14
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Mon Nov 3 14:44:52 1997
F31 in Groton, CT =USA=
Name: Karen <dakar-at-ct1.nai.net>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Free Sample News/Questionairres
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: intestinal blockage; Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The final stage in our lives when our physical bodies stop functioning, but our
inner being retreats to a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt a sense of relief. My grandfather struggled so hard every day and was so
dependent on others for basic every day needs and functions that I felt pain for him
through-out the two years of suffering.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grand father had been quite ill for a long time. He
had a series of small strokes each more dibilitating than the last. He stayed at
home and I was involved in the every day care of his needs.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Screaming "no!!!" and pounding my fists on the floor
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The loved ones that died ceased to be in extreme pain and humiliating
discomfort.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my Husband going to my Grandmother's funeral in his Military dress Greens and
standing at attention during the service. It was his way of honoring her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The inability to talk to them every day.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Giving them the freedom to let go and release themselves from this physical
world.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
know now there is a better place, heaven if you want to say,
because she came and told me so.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to explain to my three year old son where his Nana went.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Show her how far we've come
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Take such good care of both my grandparents when they were ill.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
she looked at my mother and told her she was beautiful, yet her eyes were
swollen shut. She then turned to me and called me by the nickname she had since I
was a baby.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The size of the funeral and all the trappings
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have done something impressive and want to show or talk about it. She was my
biggest fan
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think that we would be a more compact family group with a greater sense of
family and love for each other. Maybe not taking so much for granted
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she never got to see her great grandson grow up more.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just pick up the phone and ask for a little help like I used to.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew that the end of so many things had jut happened. No more talks about
family history, I never learned all I could because it all just stopped
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
INDIFFERENCE!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NOthing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
grateful that there is a better place for souls
--Regarding MONEY:
it tore my mother and brother even further apart then they were.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was what she would have wanted.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the next day, when we had to go pick out a dress for her to be buried in
I wanted her to see it Weird Huh
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
lack of appetite, not wanting to go or do anything and an
ability to push loved ones away.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feel I did good
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd leave behind so much,wonderful husband,my son, parents
I'd also want to know what everyone did with all my stuff
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
We went outside on a clear night and picke dout the star that she traveled to.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
When I'm alone I talk out loud to her as if she were next to me and could hear
me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good, made me think back to what I did right and what I wish could have
been differrent.
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Sun Nov 2 20:20:06 1997
F22 in Madison, WI =USA=
Name: <sawild-at-facstaff.wisc.edu>
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Prof/Studies: Stagehand
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Motherless Daughters
Authors:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 11 months ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 55.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person or an animal leaves this dimension and can never return
again. Their body may still be visible for a few days after, but they are
recreated as memories in the minds of those around them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know what was going on because I was only four. I kept
waiting for my dad to come home again. I even ran up to a man at church
once who I thought was my dad. For a while I believed that he had faked
his death and crawled out of the coffin after the closed it.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father was killed in an industrial accident at work.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how many people were around to support my brother and I. So many
people made sure we were eating right and taking care of ourselves.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There are ways to think positively about death. I find confort in
te fact that my mom and dad are together again and they probably get
together with my Grandma on X-Mas Eve to play Sheepshead.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned who my friends were. Due to some turns of fate surrounding
my mother's illness and death, I met some people and had some
opportunities presented to me that may not have happened otherwise.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Surrounding myself with people and things I enjoy. Working a lot.
Keeping my mind on my career.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
People that don't understand grief.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk to them. Even if you don't think they can hear you. Recollect
stories. Make sure they are surrounded by those who they love.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
stayed strong.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother was put in hospice. Because I was the youngest, a lot of
information was slowly filtered down to me. I didn't know how to believe
or accept that my mother was going to die.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I tried to deal with my pain through humor. There are things to
laugh about in the circumatances surrounding the funeral When a friends of
mine went to have his father's ashes buried, he had to dig the hole
himself because they forgot to!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take my mom to the Grand Canyon
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with planning the funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
When my mom said "We all have to go sometimes"
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't know...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear certain songs on the radio or fear losing a friendship or a
relationship.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My mom and ddn't didn't have the best mother/daughter relationship.
I still dreams in which we're fighting about things going on in my life
now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I won't have any parents at my wedding.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Live my life over again and have two parents alive
until at least my wedding.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried a lot...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
distrust. I believe they could have caught the
relapse sooner than they did. They're always preaching
prevention and catching things early on, but they don't do
many tests once a person has gone into remission
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I felt all the people at hsopice were very helpful.
They seemed to know the right time to call the chaplain and
the rght times to get us water of muffins while we were
waiting.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a priest who laughed in our faces when we said we wanted
"The Rose" (my parents' song) and "Amazing Grace" sung
at the funeral. A priest who made me feel as though I were
inconveniencing him when I called him to ask him to give
my mom the last rites. A priest who made me doubt organized
religion more than ever before.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe that my mom still has some influence surrounding
certain events that happen in my life. Her spirit watches
over me.
--Regarding MONEY:
shopping became a way for me to deal with grief once I
got the insurance money. Suddenly I was able to buy things
I hadn't dreamed of having the money for before.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I don't remember much about the whole funeral except how the priest
treated my brother and I so poorly. I would have liked a more
personalized service.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the starnge sense of humor I obtained in dealing with it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Swelling in the face and stomach. Delusions (Spiders and Purple and
Green Butterflies.) Cold yellowing fingers.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I think the stages were different because my mother's death was
anticipated. Sometiems the sound of my mother's breathing the night
before she died haunts me
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think my mom may have mentioned something about dreaming about my
father.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't fear for myself as much as I do for those around me. If I
were to die, my brother would be the only one left out of a family of
four.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I was too young to know what happened
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 2 13:29:12 1997
F28 in Florida =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: sudden death ?; Aged: 22.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life on earth. Life continues in the after life, in
which we will join them when we die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
real young so i only have vague memories. Mostly I rember seeing it
happen. It was a friend of mine being run over my a truck.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... when in fourth grade a friend was hit and
killed by a truck at our bus stop.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
is how young he was. How he just died very sudden in his sleep for
no apparent reson. I also rember the funeral was open casket wich i found
very disterbing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned that life is never a sure thing at any age.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling guilty about things that happened in the past. Also accepting
the fact that some so young and in good health could go to bed feeling
fine and never to get up in the morning.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to say how really felt.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I still get teary-eyed about my aunt, who died three years before my
son was born, about how much her and my son are alike. She would have
enjoyed him so much. They have the same love for sports that they would
have really loved each other. I just wi sh she could have lived long
enough to get to know him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's just not fair because he was so young and there are so many
things about life he did not get to experence.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that there is life after death, which has helped be believe that on
day I'll get to see everyone I have lost one day.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
In my aunt's funeral was how many people showed up it was a good
feeling to know that so many people cared about her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would not want know when i'am going to die. I want to live my life
thinking about living not death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
Sun Nov 2 12:30:03 1997
F35 in Longwood, FL =USA=
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Prof/Studies: Child Development Specialist
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: A Prayer for Owen Meany
Authors:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 25 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ruptured aeorta; Aged: 35.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our energy leaves our body and joins with the energy of the
Universe.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
When my great grandmother died. I was 4 years old.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was.My father had an aeorta burst and he died in
front of me when I was 10 years old and he was only 35...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Princess Diana died just recently and although it may sound strange,
I remember thinking that we are both the same age. I remember everyone
just being so very sad. And the people that acted like it no big deal
really turned me off.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To deal more closely with the elderly.If all school children had to
volunteer to assist the elderly or dieing, that might hellp.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Is the way my godfather came to talk to me at my grandparent's house
a few days after my dad died. They were best friends and I know it must
have been almost worse for him than it was for me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing he was dead before they told me and watching my 18year old
brother try to give my father CPR.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that children are capable of such deep grief and strong
emotion, and understanding of complicated situations. I think most people
don't give small children enough respect.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I watched my brother try to recessitate my father, even though I knew
there was no hope
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
WE laughed a little at our cat when we tried to get her out of my
closet to take her to my grandparent's house with us that night. She was
a real layed-back animal and was quite calm when there was this storm of
energy and trama around her. She jus t slept in the closet the whole
time, then slept in the car in my arms. I don't know why we found it
funny, maybe just release of emotional tension.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Rub my father's back that night without complaining. I did rub his
back when he asked, but I felt really put out -- I wanted to go outside
and play.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be the last person to see my father alive and have him tell me he
loved me and that I loved him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I thought I could feel my father's energy (soul?) leaving the house
before anyone told me he was dead.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt sorry for the ambulance assistant as he floundered to tell me my
father was dead. I already knew from just observing the situation.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ambivalence.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little in the long run.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
time doesn't heal necessarily, but it dulls the memory of the initial
pain.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
"friends" avoided us after my father died.
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Sat Nov 1 19:56:55 1997
F26 in California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 10 years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of existance of a human. The time when a person's soul
leaves their body to go home, and the body is no occupied, therefore it
does not function any longer.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was completely shocked, and didn't believe it. In fact, I pictured
that person in my dreams and almost constantly for about a week, and
regularly for a while after that. I heard his voice sometimes, it was
eerie.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my science teacher was ill with a terminal
disease (we didn't know that though) and we found out on Monday at school
that he had died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that I felt guilty for not being outwardly sad enough for everyone
else around me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is ok to plan for it, and talk about it with those you love
because it is inevitable for all of us, and some form of preparation
should take place mentally.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was not allowing myself to express my grief to my family
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
make the best of the time I did have, and express more honestly my
feelings to her before her death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Attending the funeral
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The doctor was very understanding and compassionate and did
what he could.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
if the person is aging, and has only a few goals left. When
those goals start to be met, their time is nearing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the sooner I really faced it, and let myself truelly
let go of the thought of seeing that person again, the
sooner I felt better.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
All I can say about this is that the rights and wishes of the dying
come first, after all, normally whatever they have expressed the desire
for is what will best represent them in death. It is terribly
disrespectful and selfish to go against their wishes in death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I will die someday, and have always hoped that I would die
before my husband (for obvious reasons). I do hope that I do not know any
time frame in which I might die because it would be easier to just go to
sleep and not wake up. If I knew I had limitted time, I like to think I
would make the best of it, but somehow doubt I would. I would more than
likely get very consumed with it, and not do a thing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Sat Nov 1 06:48:59 1997
F24 in Omaha, Nebraska =USA=
Name: Kristi Farrington <VENTL8R-at-sprintmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Respiratory Therapist
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 13.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A process we all go through. Now, we are alive. We are able to talk,
breathe, run, love, smile, laugh. We are warm, we can think. When we
die, we cease the ability to perform activities when we were alive. We
have a burial ritual where friends and family mourn the loss of the
person. They are then either buried in the ground in a special container,
or burned to ashes.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13. The bus was very quiet. I still can't explain why I did
this, but I started making jokes to lighten the mood. And I blame myself
for her death. She couldn't swim, and we all knew this. But I didn't
know that she had to stay in knee-deep water. I got her out into
shoulder-deep water. I saw her turn around and head back to the beach. I
swam out to a pontoon deck farther out. That was the last time I saw her.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my best drowned at a school outing on May 29,
1987. We were 13.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I was everyone's "tower of strength." It was a few days before I was
able to grieve for myself because I had to be strong for everyone else.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Don't ever be afraid to talk about it. Don't make it into a social
or forbidden death issue.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I began to truly appreciate life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking to my mom and visiting her grave.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing someone that close to me. She was my best friend.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Offering support to just listen.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealth with it and how I was able to move on. She will never be
fogotten, she is still a part of my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why and how it happened.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I still have no idea why I did make jokes to make others laugh. It
sounds so barbaric and uncaring. But that was how I needed to deal with
it at the time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell Sally how inportant she was to me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wonder where Sally would be today. She wasn't the best of students
but she tried. Where would she have gone to school? Major? Marriage?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to her and see that what I have is good.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Opened up and was willing to talk to those who would listen.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
an overwhelming support and comfort.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
when the entire school showed up at the church for the funeral.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
I talked to my mom a lot, her family. I wrote poems and stories about
what happened.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
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See Current contributions.
See Oct 97 contributions.
See Sep 97 contributions.
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