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Thu Oct 30 17:24:32 1997
F16 in Grand Rapids, Michigan =US=
Name: Jaime   <JaiKai99-at-aol.com>
 Web: 
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  I was looking for psychology tests to take.  I love finding things out about myself. :)
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Prof/Studies: High School Student- someday actress. 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 47.
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--Death Is: 
       when someone passes from this world into the so-called "afterlife", where a
new life begins.  They leave behind loved ones and friends, which causes great pain. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      couldn't believe it was really happening.  I sat and watched everything as if
it was through a glass window.  It seemed like I was not in my own body. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My grandmother died of a mysterious disease a few days
before my tenth birthday. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is: 
      feeling great pain.  Having sadness wrack my body so that I shook from crying. 

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: 
      God is real.  Once we are dead we have something to look forwards to.  God will
end our pain and suffering. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: 
     that my uncle no longer had to suffer.  He was at peace with himself, his
family, and God.  It was his time to go. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: 
     God.  He was (and is) the best friend I could have had.  He was there when I
needed to cry, and was there when I was angry.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: 
     when I seemed angry.  I acted as if it was his fault that he died and made us
all so sad.  But I now know I was so wrong. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: 
     To hold their hand.  Don't say much, but listen.  Pray for them with all your
being.

--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I: 
     became closer to God through death. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when: 
     some people did not cry. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: 
     I needed to laugh.  I needed to be with my friends and to go on with life.  If
not, I would have sank into a deep depression.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     to see my uncle more.  To tell him that I loved him one last time. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: 
     know that he was at peace when he died

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: 
     seeing him in his casket.  I was told it would give me a sense of closure.  You
can never have closure, and it just made me so sad to see him lying there, a fake
smile on his face.  He looked nothing like himself and it was awful. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: 
     I remember the things people said about him, or when I see pictures of how happy
he made us all. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... 
     My aunt would be a lot happier, and my young cousins could have a father.  If I
could change it all, it would be worth it.  But each of us has our time.  God would
have taken him no matter what. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... 
     he had small children.  He had a father and brothers and children and a wife. 
Why couldn't someone else have gone? 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     see everyone who I loved one more time, just to say I love you.  To say I'm
sorry to my friend Anne that died.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     didn't want to face it.  I wanted to go into my bad and hide under the covers
and pretend that nothing had changed. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: 
     thanks.  They did all that they could. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: 
     that I was not alone.  I had the support of friends that shared my faith, and
knew what I was going through.

--Regarding MONEY:
     my aunt inherited money.  She spent it all on us because it reminded her of him,
I think.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     how much I could comfort myself (with the help of God), just singing and crying
and praying. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I know that my aunt had a vision when she was almost killed.  She had a brain
aneurysm rupture in her brain.  When she woke from a coma she said to my grandmother,
"He said it wasn't time yet"  My grandmother replied, "Who did?"  "The Lord."  Those
were the first words she spoke, and after she said them she couldn't say much else. 
I don't know if anyone I loved who died had these experiences, but I can say I know
they believed in them. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     (See above question) 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would want to know how they liked their new life.  I would say I loved them,
and everyone else loved them.  For one girl that I lost I would ask for forgiveness. 
If she would forgive me I could be more at peace. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I will die.  We all die.  I am at peace with God.  I love Him and His son,
Jesus.  I have faith in them.  I will be saved.  I am not afraid to die. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     singing in my room, all alone.  It may seem odd, but it's very comforting.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     God is the only reason I could handle dying.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 
      
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It made me rethink my feelings of my uncle and my friend.  I feel more at peace
remembering them.  Thank you. 

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Thu Oct 30 13:07:32 1997
F54 in San Rafael, Marin County, California =USA=
Name: M. Macha NightMare (nom de broom) or Aline O'Brien (mundane)   <hoodiecrow-at-value.net>
 Web: http://WWW.reclaiming.org/cauldron/
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  NPR's End of Life website
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Prof/Studies: writer, priestess (rites of passage), editor, legal secretary 
More personal info: 
     I prefer the use of my Craft name to my mundane name. 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: The Pagan Book of Living and Dying:  Practical Rituals, Prayers, Blessings, and Meditations on Crossing Over 
	    Authors: Starhawk, M. Macha NightMare and The Reclaiming Collective [anthology]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, one yrs ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes, heart disease, stroke;  Aged: 48.
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--Death Is: 
      a shedding of the body.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      was three years old.  See above.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I was 3 years old.  I had a baby brother, my first, who
was born with a birth defect which at that time (1946) was considered fatal.  I
helped my mother care for him.  I was told that one day when I came down to help my
mother, he wouldn't be there.  I could not fathom that.  Sure enough, one day I came
down in the morning to tend to my baby brother, Johnny, and he wasn't there.  No
empty crib, no body, no nothing.  I was just told that "he went to heaven."  I was
never a part of any family or communal funeral, memorial or grieving.  He was four
months old when he died.  I was three years old.  I remember it vividly. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      To reclaim death as the sacred process that it is.  Not to abdicate
responsibility into the hands of "professionals."  To wash and dress the body for
disposal, which, in my opinion, begins the process of letting go by providing an
experiential under standing that the person one loved not longer inhabits the husk
which is the body. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The privilege of midwifing the death of my loved ones, of providing a caring,
soothing atmosphere for the dying person to review and address all that s/he feels
s/he needs to confront.  (This, of course, presumes a slow death rather than a sudden
one .) 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Support of friends who were not directly involved with my friend John's death
vigil; fresh air and walks in Nature; plunging in the healing ocean; sharing our
mutual loss with community.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Well, first of all, the profound loss of someone precious to me. 

	Secondly, not dealing openly with our loss, the transition from life to death.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Remaining as open as possible to the needs of the dying person, trying to be
sensitive to her/his needs.  Even if you have painful, unresolved issues with the
person, setting them aside unless you receive a cue from the dying person that s/he
wants t o talk about it, perhaps to reach some kind of resolution, forgiveness,
healing.  Whether or not you feel resolution should occur, the needs and concerns of
the dying person should take precedence over your needs.  It is unkind to come to the
bedside of a dying person with your own agenda -- personal or spiritual or any other
kind of agenda.  The kindness is to take your leads from the dying person and to be
ready to address what may be unpleasant subjects if the dying person needs to do
that. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     my friend's breathing and temperature changed, his consciousness seemed to come
and go, the strange breathing and wheezing and other sounds, some sudden, that he
made in his last hours.  Sudden starts into consciousness. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     John and I and his two other vigilers often joked late a night, from about
midnight to 3:00 a.m., about all kinds of things, especially about our Pagan
peculiarities and siblings.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Wash and bless his body. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there for him.  He was thankful, too, told me so many times, and at the end,
wouldn't go to sleep at night unless I was in the room.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     like now, when those of my spiritual beliefs come together on the one night of
the year when we believe the veil that separates the seen from the unseen, the
material world from the world of spirit, the living from the dead, when we can summon
our Be loved Dead one last time, to tell them something we need to tell them, to hear
from them something they need to tell us, to honor them, to tell them once more of
our love for them.  I know John has been lurking around our rituals at this time of
year, jus t as our Raven did the year before, and that he will be with us in our
Samhain circle when I call his name, as he asked me to promise to do from his
deathbed.  I cry often when I think of him, especially now that I'm involved in a
spiritual and profession al pursuit which concerned us both.  He had been for years
my confidante and counsel; now I have to seek his counsel in another way. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     frustration 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Every hospice person I've ever dealt with has been an exceptionally
compassionate individual. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     We are Witches.  The two most recent deaths I dealt with were of
co-religionists.  We share a worldview that is not despairing in the face of death,
only sad at our personal losses.  But we're not very "organized."  ;-) 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     right

--Regarding MONEY:
     Money was not an issue with the people whose deaths I attended.  For me, the
issue was that I had no way of earning income (which I need in order to survive)
while I took the unpredictable amount of time to sit vigil with my dying loves ones. 
I don' t for a minute regret the loss of income, but it has been difficult
economically.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Funerals and memorials are satisfying experiences to me -- the sharing of
stories about our departed loved one enriches my knowledge of her/him, and shared
grieving both honors the Beloved Dead and eases the burden on only one or a few
grieving peopl e. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     The mystical experience of where I went with my friend Raven when he was dying
and having difficulty letting go.  I went part-way with him, and it was an experience
which completely changed my life. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     My friend John was a worshipper of Hekate, Who dwells in the liminal realms. 
She presides over the realm between life and death.  We had images of Her in John's
room (actually, he died in his living room), as well as images of other deities who
had significance for him -- Kali, and images meaningful to his wife -- Guadalupe and
Tara.  I kept up a faint chant -- "Weaver, Weaver, weave his thread, whole and strong
into Your web.  Healer, healer, heal his pain, in love may he return again." -- off
and on throughout John's last weeks.  This was especially comforting to him when
there was commotion.  Due to his stroke, he had trouble articulating his thoughts and
could only concentrate on one thing at a time.  When I chanted from across the room,
barely audibly, his eyes and mine locked and he took comfort and was soothed.  In his
more lucid moments, he frequently thanked me for keeping that focus, so I know it was
the right thing to have done.  Often, John appeared as through a film or veil,
becoming fu zzi er and less clear, and at other times he was much more present.  He
and I experienced this as Hekate enfolding him in her cloak, the inside of which was
celestial.  Sometimes She wrapped him and sometimes the cloak fell away for a while. 
Ultimately, She embraced him to Her bosom.  Also, from time to time, John talked
about and to his deceased parents.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I know of people who've experienced this phenomenom.  What I experienced with my
friend Raven was a very direct encounter with Kali Ma, to the point where I saw Her
bejeweled toes.  He and I both saw Her.  A significant factor in that experience was
that he and I were in a room surrounded by people softly chanting a chant to Kali --
"like a bee my mind is buzzing 'round the blue lotus feet of my Divine Mother, my
Divine Mother."  People in other parts of the country were also keeping vigil on the
nig ht Raven was dying.  This protected me and enabled me to return to the world of
the living.  Witnesses say I looked very different somehow when that was happening. 
When I returned, I really wanted heavy food, meat.  It took me several weeks to
recover, w ith the help of a strenuous manual chi tuneup, soothing massage, hot tubs,
walks in the woods, lovemaking, and plunges in the Pacific Ocean.  Before my friends
helped me to recover, I was ready to give everything up, wear rags, carry a bowl and
become a m end icant, like the Saddhus in India.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     See above, and see referenced book.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have thought about my own death.  I'm in no hurry to leave, yet I cannot know
when death will come, so I try to be more or less prepared, to have things in order,
wishes made known. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     See above -- communal grieving, plunges in ocean. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I edited and wrote some of an anthology on death and dying.  It's called _The
Pagan Book of Living and Dying:  Practical Rituals, Prayers, Blessings, and
Meditations on Crossing Over_, by Starhawk, M. Macha NightMare [that's me] and The
Reclaiming Co llective.  I've continued to work with friends who have
life-threatening illnesses, and I would sit vigil with someone who was dying any time
the opportunity presented itself.  I consider midwifing the passage from life to
death a personal spiritual manda te and a sacred privilege. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
     I know that keeping me, a child, ignorant of any funeral or sharing of grief was
intended to "protect me," but I think it's a mistake to mystify death.  I firmly
believe that death is a necessary and integral part of the entire wondrous cycle of
life .  I

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I thought it was an excellent questionnaire and I will recommend it to others. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     The question about "at what age" does not offer the choice of "young child," as
many of us were when we first experienced loss to death. 
	[Ed Note:  Thanks.  "Young Child & Very Young Child added. ]

Overall, I appreciated the non-judgmental attitude of the questions.

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Thu Oct 30 08:00:23 1997
F49 in Kirksville, MO =USA=
Name: Laura Bagby 
 Web: http://WWW  
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Thu Oct 30 08:00:23 1997
F49 in Kirksville, MO =USA=
Name: Laura Bagby   <laurab-at-fileserver7.kcom.edu>
 Web: http://WWW
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: B.S.E. and M.A. in English 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles:  
	    Authors: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia;  Aged: 43.
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--Death Is: 
       a transition

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      did not have a clue how to deal with it - my family treated it as something so
bad we could not discuss it

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandfather died.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      how beautifully she died - how hard she tried to live and how peacefully she
accepted her death

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      that it can best be dealt with by talking about it rather than ignoring it

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my friend who had suffered terribly for 6 long years was released from all her
pain and medical torture

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my youngest daughter (my friend's namesake) who understood how I felt and
supported me

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     giving up my selfish desire to keep her with us

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     don't discourage talk about the person's death - one friend told me he felt very
alone because people he knew avoided him because they were afraid to talk about his
dying

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was able to talk to her about her dying (and even to joke about it)during the
course of her struggle with the illness - that we could tell each other "I love you"
which we could never have done otherwise

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I had to deal with the anger - I was not angry with her but with God. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     laughing helps the healing - my friend and I had laughed at life together for 25
years and she would have been grateful for my laughter during the grieving process.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with her and be more supportive of her daughters. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     make amends and accept her amends and be open about all the things which had
happened in our lives.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     other friends have died and we put small items in the casket that were
meaningful to the person who had died.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: 
     the worst part is when I travel through the town where she is buried and I stop
to leave a flower or just "visit" her grave - the first time I saw her name on the
stone (it had been a year since her death)I became overwhelmed with grief that I
though t I had worked through. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't think I would have done anything differently - my own close brush with
death 20 years ago taught me to live each day as though I might die soon and I have
seldom forgotten to do that so the time I've spent with my friends who have since
died has been quality time and I don't feel I could have done much more or done
things differently. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that people seem to die when they have finally achieved something significant in
their lives. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was grateful that her suffering was over.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     doctors need to better understand that care is more important than cure. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     I was involved with Hospice during another friend's death - I felt they were
wonderful. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a way for others to come to terms with death - my friend was the most spiritual
person I have ever known and she was very heavily into a Christian church - I am not
part of an organized religion but believe I am a very spiritual person - I know her r
eligion brought her to peace and I'm certain it comforted her children - I have no
problem with any comfort they derived from their church but it does not help me.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     more rational and sane. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     by dying when she did, her children would be well taken care of financially - if
she had continued to live, the medical bills would have seriously depleted her
resources - I know this brought her some comfort at the idea of not being there
herself fo r her girls.  For myself, I was frustrated because I had to borrow gas
money to get to the funeral. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the huge crowd - everyone loved her and she had grown up in and returned to the
same very small town where everyone had known her from birth. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I had never seen them close the casket in front of the entire assemblage at the
church and I found that horrible - in every other instance, they have closed the
casket before it got to the church or before they took it to the cemetery but the did
thi s when no one was there to see it. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     in other cases, I've noticed that people stop eating before they die. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I need to spend time with others who loved the person - I also need to "see"
that person in death as though I can only grasp it if I see the body - I also need
the visitation and funeral to bring some closure.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I have no specific awareness this happened but I absolutely know that she
believed she was going to some concept of a heaven and that she would be closer to
her God which allowed her to die with grace.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I have nearly died but have not had "near-death experiences" as such.  I have
never been afraid to die though and often have believed that it will be my reward for
a live of pain and hardship.  To me, death is only "bad" for those left behind or if
a
 child or young person dies, especially if they leave small children (or not so small children) who still need a parent - but always the tragedy is to the survivors, not the person who has died. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?: 
     With my friend who I've used in this survey, I had no unresolved issues because
we talked about everything when we knew she was going to die.  With other friends who
have died without warning, amazingly I have always managed to have had some resoluti
on of issues in the months before their sudden death - I think there is a sense of
impending death in people who are about to die - not a consciousness of what is going
to happen but a subconscious need to contact loved ones and to initiate resolution of
issues.  Or maybe because I am so aware of the possibility of impending death for
myself, I tend to not let issues go unresolved for any length of time so that when
people die suddenly, there is nothing major unresolved. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     This is the type of thing I tell them in the letters I write.  Usually I will
tell them it is okay to go on to the next stage of life and that I will be okay - I
tell them what they have meant to me, what I've learned from them and in what ways
they have enriched my life - I tell them I will miss that part of my life that was
theirs but that I will be all right. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I have encouraged the people in my family and my friends to explicitly delineate
their wished NOW rather than letting us guess what they might want after they die.  I
believe everyone over the age of 12 should have notorized health care directives an d
some type of written wishes for funerals, etc.  The fact that in our society we are
not encouraged to consider our own mortality - discussion of one's own death is
considered morbid - keeps us from knowing what others desire.  The day I left work to
go plan my funeral, my colleagues thought I had lost my mind and my children refused
to listen to the details (which is why I did it!).  Death is a taboo subject in our
culture and it is this taboo which makes people fear death and refuse to discuss the
poss ibility of death - how silly since death is inevitable. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have thought about my own death a lot.  I have planned my own funeral so that
I could choose what I wanted and so my daughters would not have to do it because they
wouldn't know how and would spend way too much money which is not necessary or in th
eir best interest.  I have no problem with dying - dying is easy, living is
difficult.  I am 49 years old and I have accomplished much in my life - there is a
lot more I'd like to do but I've done the most important things and would not regret
any unlived life if I were to die today.  I do not want to suffer for years and have
made out my health care directives and appointed a durable power of attorney for
health care.  I have planned an unconventional funeral that I feel will allow my
family and friends to grieve for their loss while realizing that I am all right. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: 
     I write the dead person a letter in my journal.  This has been a very effective
way for me to release that person.  When I know a person is dying, I write a poem for
him/her - I've done this for 2 friends and they indicated they found some comfort in
reading these - in the case of one friend, I shared copies of the poem at the funeral
and others seemed to benefit from this too. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? 
     I don't exactly "talk to" my dead friends but when I have a problem that I
normally would have taken to one of them, I often "discuss" it and anticipate what
that person would have advised me to do or what he/she would have said to me in that
situati on. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 
     reading, belief system which I've developed over many years

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
     a family that believed death was a "bad" thing 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I have already thought about all this a great deal.  It might be more useful for
those who don't think about it but, of course, they are the ones who will not
volunteer to fill out this survey! 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     "might should" is incongruent!  "might" without the "should" would work fine. 

	[ Ed Note: Yep... that was an editing typo...   Changed.]

I found it difficult to answer the questions for just one of the deaths I've
experienced because in the last 6 years several of my friends have died - some from
protracted illnesses, some suddenly, some young, some older.  My reactions to death
depend a great deal on the age of the person who died as well as the closeness of my
relationship to that person and the circumstances under which they died. 

	[ Ed Note:  We'll be dealing with this, as well.  We have new 
	  questionnaires in development to accomodate multiple death answers.
	  Thanks for your input. ]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Oct 30 01:46:24 1997
M25 in pottsboro, tx =usa=
Name: TJ Meeks  <tjmeeks-at-texoma.com>
 Web: http://WWW  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Thu Oct 30 01:46:24 1997
M25 in pottsboro, tx =usa=
Name: TJ Meeks   <tjmeeks-at-texoma.com>
 Web: http://WWW
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Fishing Guide 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: none 
	    Authors: none
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2-3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      the end of living.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      went to the funeral then went to eat.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my uncle died and thats it. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     it happened the day of my wedding to my ex-wife. 

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to let go of the one who died.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     death doesn't bother me.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my own self. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     having to watch everyone act so upset about it.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     dont act sad. the last thing i would want is sadness with the last visit of a
close friend or relative.

--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     dont dwell on his death. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     no one thing really confuses me about death. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     death isnt funny it isnt anything but the end. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ask for his motorcycle. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     go on with my life. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the look on the face of a person who has just died. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     last words

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i dont ever cry.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i would live the same as i do now.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that this persons death was made such a spectacle of.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     said goodbye and went on with living.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     incompetence. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     ignorance and lack of caring. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing at all. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     obsolete 

--Regarding MONEY:
     there was alot of it left behind. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     too many people who the person that was dead didnt like.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     not really being sad.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     old age????

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     they are dead get on with life. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     none 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     none 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     noone

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     he would have said lets get drunk and go fishin.

it would be like normal.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     not much of anything. regardless of want you might want your dead and you cant
do shit about it. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     when im gone burn my body and spread my ashes on the lake where i live. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     go out and get stinking drunk and high on drugs. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     getting drunk and high were always part of my entire family life.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 
     when you die,so what!

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 
     whats to deal with death is the end... 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it didnt.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Oct 30 01:34:32 1997
F23 in Eureka, ca =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: gunshot ;  Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      Complicated. Some belive that we become nothing after death. Others belive that
we go to either eternal punishment or eternal bliss. Others belive that we are reborn
into another body. I think that you just move on to the next faze of your life. If
that is to be nothingness or bliss, damnation or rebirth, or waiting and helping
others as a spirit it is the choise of the person and their belifes in life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     Cried. It hurt to know that that person wasn't going to be there in a physical
form for me to feel and relate to.  I knew that if I really need that person that I
would be able to feel them but it wasn't the same. I remember a song now that helped
an d a story as well that kind of go hand in hand.  Part of the song is this "save
the tears you'd cry for my spirit is still riding somewhere somewheres in this
night."  The story tells of a man walking into a celebration in a town he wonder what
it wasabout and a townsman told him that they were celebrating the death of a girl
child. THe man was upset at this and asked why the celebration when she died so
young. The tows man said that they were celebrating that even though the spirit knew
it would be here for only a short while it decided to spend it with the townspeople.
That gift was what they were celebrating. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... It was actually my pet dying as it is with most children. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      My mother telling me that he had died. I can still remember the smell of the
rug in my grandma's living room and the way the tears glinted on my mother's face.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      Not to be afraid of it. They need to loosen up and realize that death does not
mean that it is over.  There is life in death and deaht in life.  Too much fear of
death makes life just life and not Living.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I have no idea if you will belive this but this is what happened.  A few years
after my fathers death I had become severly depressed and had taken a knife to cut my
wrists. As I had begun to do so the knife flew out of my hand, across the room and di
sapeared. I was then surrounded with a feeling of warmth love and a bit of scolding.
It felt good and I have NEVER even thought of commiting suicide again. I never did
find that knife. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Taking a hard look at the belife system that I was being taught at church and
what I really felt.  WHen I looked at theat and realized the conflict that was
holding me back and reworking my life to reflect my belifes it was much easier on me
that way . Writing bad poetry and bad songs helped too.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The thought that he had commited suicied which was written on the report. That
was not and is not something that I can belive happened. I still do not get along
with his familly very well and that was one of the reasons why because they did not
ask f or an investigation. Also that they fixed the funerral so that his mother would
get the flag off his box and not his eldest child as it should have been. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     see my father more.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have m father there as much as I was able to. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I have to write about it in class as was asked of me it hurt again and yet it
helped. Also around his death date I don't feel all to happy but it is better then it
was a few years ago. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't think that this is a good question. He is not in his body but he is here
and there. He looks out for me and for my family it is not a question of what if he
was it is an answer of he is.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that his family takes so much from his exwife and his children and give nothing
back to them. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to him conversation wise. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     constriction and opposing views to what was really going on. They were not a
help but a hinderance. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Other: 
     Love and selfishness I guess I wanted him to be with me.  

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Oct 30 00:31:34 1997
M33 in Enterprise, Alabama ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Self employed. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles:  The Holy Bible, & Death and the Life After  
	    Authors: Moses, David, John, Luke,  or Paul.  Billy Graham. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  5 months ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer;  Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      is part of life. It can be a gift. For example: freedom from a sickness or
handicap. It can be a sacrifice of another that one or many can live. Everyone at one
point will die. How, when or where we don't usually know. None will live forever in
thi s shell. Nope, no Duncan MacLeod here. Death is a doorway to another life no
doubt. Are you prepared for that? There is no nervana no reincartination. Its a
permanate doorway forever. It can be scary or fearful or sudden. But it will and must
happen. It c an not be avoided. But take comfort. Though " it is appointed once for
one to die..." if you beleive in and accept Christ for whom and what he is, what he
has and will do. If you put your life, faith, trust and future in the living eternal
Jesus Christ yo u will forever live, but in a new body that will not know sickness,
corruption, or death and that is not limited by time or space or objects. Pretty cool
huh? 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     relly don't remember much. It was an Uncle and I was very young and very afraid
to look into the coffin. Otherwise it belew over me.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My Uncle died..heart problems I think. Family went to the
funeral. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      the fact that she (my Mom) was gone. Better off, experincing the undescribable
of Heaven yes. But, gone!! She put up a good strong fight over many years, but the
Lord was merciful and sent his angel to take he to her real home. Even so we knew
she' d go, She knew she'd go....but that soon!!! Oddly, it was a Sunday morning...her
favorite time. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
      Ther is no second chance. When your dead your dead and going somewhere else.
Where is up to you. You have you life to accept what has and is there for you to make
your decision on and then live by or not live by that desision. Whatever one decides.
Death is the doorway to that choice that one made and the conquinces thereof. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Mom was spared more weeks or months or years of pain. Besides shes very happy
beyond words now. We will meet again soon. And with the way the world and Country and
many of its people are now it won't be too.......

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     The comfort that Christ provide for me (and still is), the comfort of His
written Word. The support of friends and my Pastor and his wife was of great support
too.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the fact she was gone, that Dad "lost" someone close to him (they were married
43 years). The other was that a very dear woman friend did not show up for visitation
and or the funeral, much less give me a call and or send something in the mail. And s
he had told me several times "if something happens to your mom I'll be there no mater
whats going on with you and I at the time."  I still don't know why to this day. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Be there. Even at that time presence is an important thing, no matter how long
one sticks around. Be there, at least for a while even if one has to risk anger form
a (uncaring Boss or company or loosing the job. (Some things just aren't worth money) 
. If one needs to make peace with someone whom is dying or needs to talk for a while
or to say goodbye (either until next time or for forever) DO IT. 

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     have now been where others have before me. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Why did the Lord not heal her as he has so many before. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Uh, What??? 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     to have brought my dear woman friend around to see Mom since Mom likes her a
lot. (We had had a falling out several months eariler, me and my friend). I wish too
mMom could have seen two of my oter friend who were away in Chicago at the time. They
wh ished they could have seen her too. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have a last talk with my Mom. If i had not obeyed Gods tugging at my heart that
night, I would have missed the chance, since I was elsewhere..

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     Mom said to a friend " Its time...He's calling me..." 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I know shes's not here. When it still affects my sister. Knowing that my friend
did not keep her word, and I don't know why. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why her.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     don't think I'm still up to that point yet.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     doing the best that could be done under the cirstamances. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     wierd!! Somber! 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
      Organized Religion...oooooh I hate that word!! It sounds so unfeeling, so
insulting, so Media, so typical of the current society. To answer the question it
meant a lot. The reality of Christ the lord His Father and the Holy Spirit meant and
did a lo t for us. So did the help of His minister servants of mine and my parents
"Organized Religion." 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     there is more beyond this life, and death is common to us all. It gets to
everyone in some form or fashion when someone dies. We all pretty much react the
same. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     the more one has the better the arrangments. And even afterword bill collectors
still wanted money.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it was a bad rainy day, uncomfortable at that too. Yet the vast majority of
those there hung in there during the service.r

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the reality of it. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     see the statment above regarding what Mom said to my friend. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     No. Not that I know of. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Tell me what its like where you are. Do you miss us? Do you have any kind of
word from the Lord for me? I guess, really, I'd have to be in that situation to see
what I'd say. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Their values, beliefs, and last desires...no matter how off the wall or if i
disagree. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have that taken care of if i were to die soon. However, I would want to make
peace or reconcile with that woman friend of mine before I went. I'd also like to
pass along what i own to my family or friends before I go. I'd also like to eat one
last Pizza Hut pizza. If I am married at the time, I lkie to have one huge intimate
rumble tumble with my wife. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     listening to music, reading the Bible, attending Church, oooops, " Organized
Religion", spending time with friends. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I still talk to friends for the most part. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It is a good well thought out peice for the most part. A bit time consuming
though but, I guess things like this are. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I'm sure you know which one by now.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 28 19:03:34 1997
F23 in Los Angeles, California =USA=
Name: Shelby   <smtaylor-at-earthlink.net>
 Web: http://www.earthlink.net/~smtaylor
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo....I was looking for child psychology sites
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Museum employee, full time student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder;  Aged: 33.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      death is when our cycle of life on this planet as we know it ends, and our
bodies cease to function, the body stops completely, and then our family and
friends mourn the loss of our personality and who we were to them. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     I sort of didn't know what to do, as I was not emotionally involved as I
would be if it were someone close.  I thought the funeral was weird, a bit scary,
but I knew what death was, and I was already deep into a belief in the
supernatural, and therefore more curious about life after death than the death
itself. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was my 85 year old great grandmother whom had
alweays sort of scared me anyway...so her death was nothing very traumatic..I was
10

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     I remember most vivdly not having the chance to say goodbye to him, or even
to make up for the fact that the last words we said to one another were in anger. 
We fought about three days before he died... 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      that death is a beginning, not an ending, and that we need to celebrate
their life, and then know and remember that they are on a new adventure, a new
existence (I believe in reincarnation) 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     John's death taught me to appreciate life for what it is and to live each
day to the fullest, because you never know when it might end. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my friends who also knew John....and what he was to me... 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     losing someone I wish I had done more to keep in my life...  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     was not there with dying person...he died instantly 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     he was gone....just like that...and so violently...I never had closure

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     laughter is the best medicine.....the cliche is right 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     To convince him that we could make things work between us (We had a romantic
relationship that had gone badly) and I would not have said such bad things to
him the last time I saw him. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be a friend to him, and have good time with him in the time that I had... 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     seeing his body...everyone wanted me to look in the casket...

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see his favorite actress on TV...or hear one of his favorite songs

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     if he hadn't died, we still would have been on the same path as when he
died...that wouldn't make any sense to go what if

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     but life isn't fair....it happens without your will... 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     just have made it up to him before it happened... 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I had this sinking feeling as though I knew it all along that that was what
had happened. When my pager went off with fury, I knew that something had
happened to John. It was almost psychic in its strength

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: 
     that his funeral paid absolutely NO ATTENTION to his own beliefs, just that
of his obnoxious wife and his family. He was dtrongly into native american
beliefs, and his family IGNORED them. Not even a native american poem. It was an
evangelical Christian funeral. He wasn't even CHritstian! very angering.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     that this is only one stop in many...and he has gone on to more journeys

--Regarding MONEY:
     he left SO much debt, and also other allegations of money problems, which
should be left unsaid

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     that it was overbearing in its Christianity

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I brought flowers and a standee from the new Lyle Lovett album to his grave,
knowing he would have liked that. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     well...because he was murdered, I have found myself more aware of the
dangers of the city I live in, and how not to get killed, or become a victim of
violence. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 28 07:09:26 1997
M26 in Memphis, TN =USA=
Name: Jonathan Cook   <cook.jonathan-at-coe.memphis.edu>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Graduate Student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke;  Aged: 14.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of all existence 
 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was deeply disturbed, and was forced to incorporate death into my life 

--That first time, how it happened was
     small animals dying - winter, plants dying
This may not seem to significant to you, but it was to me 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     fright and a desire to avoid my own death 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      an escape from religious superstitions, we need to learn to accept
the finality of death. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the way it puts an end to time, the sense of urgency it adds to life

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself.  No one can help me with this. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the sense that each person has to deal with death by themselves.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     not to preach religious sentiments that the dying or others might not
agree with. 

--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was unable to find comfort from anyone other than myself. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     others were unable to understand my individual feelings. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: 
     the whole situation was ridiculous.  People pretended to feel ways
that it was obvious they did not.  Their dishonesty was insulting to the
memory of the dead. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     have more time to spend with the dying and to express my affection. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: 
     have time away from work. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: 
     I saw the false grass over the earth from the grave.  I didn't want
to be shielded from it.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: 
     the service itself. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: 
     I think of the trees next to her grave. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... 
     people would be emotionless, disconnected, unreal. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... 
     but there is no fairness to life

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     become immortal or die right now. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was changed forever, brought to a more subtle understanding of life. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: 
     the medical community has technical skill, not interpersonal skill. 
They should butt out.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc: 
     that they weren't taking adequate care. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: 
     an obstruction, an annoying presence that felt that it had the right
to bother me.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: 
     that there is no common view of death at all.  That idea is bunk. 

--Regarding MONEY: 
     it caused additional anxiety. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL: 
     a lack of decorum. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was: 
     having to put up with others who had no business mourning someone
they didn't know. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : 
     don't know

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     no one goes through the same process.  It is individual. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': 
     there was no such thing. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences: 
     never has happened. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?: 
     there is no resolution

--If we were to visit one last conversation... 
     The past is the past, no one can go back. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: 
     respect the personal space of each individual. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?: 
     I give thought to it every day.  I know that I will end, that all
will end, and that I must accept that fact. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: 
     walking out ALONE in the dark, in the wilderness. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? 
     I am more quiet, more solitary.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
			How'd I do?  A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?  Other: 
     confronting it directly, keeping in mind the impermanence of all
things

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Religion/Clergy
     religious sentiments have always seemed to interfere with open
consideration of death

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
     this questionnaire tends to rely on old cliches and traditional
perspectives.  I have my own way of thinking that is different from this. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     You have many leading questions, try not to suggest answers to your
respondents. 
[ Ed Note:  There is a purpose in the sentence completion format;  it's
actually not leading any particular direction, only to a response.  Closer
examination of the questions may reveal some of one's personal biases! ]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Oct 27 14:33:03 1997
F16 in Wilmington, NY  =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  7 months ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure;  Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      when the body can no longer function. The soul leaves and goes on to
the Next World. What is left is the "shell" that the soul was in. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     didn't really understand because I was so young. I kept thinking he
(my grandfather) would come back. I would "talk" to him and write letters. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was when I was 4 my grandfather died of a heart
attack.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      the pain and emptiness. And the feelings of guilt because I never
really got the chance to say good-bye to her (my grandmother). My parents
told me that it was better that she was gone because she had been in pain
for years, but that didn't really m ake me feel any better. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that I know she's always with me. No matter what. And she can watch
me grow up and see everything I do. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     just knowing that she always loved me. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not being able to talk to her and telling her about how things were. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: 
     talking to them, even if you don't think they can hear you 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say good bye to her while she was still alive.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I touched her temple and was so shocked that it felt so cold. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I try to talk about it. Or write about. Right now I'm crying. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I'd have told her about moving and the new school and the cute guys
and just stuff. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     She was so wonderful and loving. She never complained about hurting.
And she gave people chances that other people would have ignored. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to her and hear her voice. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried for hours. I just screamed and cried for hours. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     they were wonderful and compassionate throughout it all. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     My grandmother was very religious and she knew she was going to
Heaven to be with the Lord and my grandfather. It was sort of a comfort.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Before she died, my grandmother told my dad that when they closed the
coffin, they were NOT to put the pillow over her face. And they didn't. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Oct 27 09:35:05 1997
M 52 in Tonasket, WA =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: disabled veteran/ psyc. major- 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles:  
	    Authors: kubler-ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 94.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      part of our evolutionary process

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was too young to understand 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was..younger brother died cancer. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     My denial of my feelings 

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      acceptance!!!!

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     nonexistant 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     lack of understanding and empathy by my family  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     just be there ,  in mind as well as body! 

--[My Brother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was mishandled emotionally by my family

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The whole extended processes (cancer)   I couldn't understand WHY!

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be allowed to go to the funeral

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     $%#%-at-#(*&()*&$#(*%$*($$#-at-$%#-at- !!!!!! 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Lady,  I haven't shed a tear sense VietNam!!!!

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     ???????????????????

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     IT'S JUST NOT FAIR  !!!!!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     denial works great 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     did what they could     

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
        N/A 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     N/A 

--Regarding MONEY:
     I was too young for it to be a factor 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
           N/A

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     ???????????????????

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     I do not know,  but I'll know

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     evolutionary process 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I hope so!!!!!!!!! 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     there is a "saying " from the Vietnam era that says
   "Fuck-it  it don't mean nothin"

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
         In Vietnam it was emotional stonewalling and Booze!
    Now, I don't know   natural process

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
	C'est la vie

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     See the last full answer!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Oct 27 00:14:59 1997
F21 in Bellingham, WA =USA=
Name: Shauna Kimble   <SKim302-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Homemaker 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative,  13yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      a part of life. When we are all done doing here on earth what we
were brought here for then we die and are taken to Heaven which is much
better than anything we could ever imagine.  

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was very afraid that I had caught the illness he had died from just
because I was so young and I kissed him. My mother didn't really explain
death to me even though my step-father was very ill and we knew he was
going to die soon.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my step-father died of cancer when I was about
6. I kissed him before I went to school that morning when nobody knew he
was dead and for years after that I thought that I would get cancer too
because I had kissed him. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      seeing him look like a skeleton. He had had cancer for a long time
and was very thin.  His face was sunken in and he couldn't feed himself. 
We bought him a hospital bed so he could spend his last little bit with us
and my mom slept on the couch for about 8 months

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      accept it as a part of life.  I know so many people who are afraid
of dying, I'm one of them, but it is a part of living and there is
absolutely no way to stop it. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     he is no longer in pain and suffering. That is the biggest thing for
a lot of people. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking about it and understanding it. I was only 6 so it was very
foreign to me, but talking about it and visiting the cemetery really
helped out tremendously

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     my little sister lost her father and she was only 2. She will never
know what his voice sounded like or what kind of sense of humor he had or
anything. That really makes me sad. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     not dislike him so much. He was my step-father and my real father
lived just 20 minutes away but I felt like my step-dad was trying to push
my dad out of the picture. I really disliked him and since I was so young
when he did die, I never really got to enjoy him or take back my grudge
against him while he was alive

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     grow up!  Now that I am a lot older I know that I was very unfair to
him when I was growing up but now I see that all the times he disciplined
me it wasn't because he was a mean person, it was because he was trying to
be a father

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I look at my sister and realize that she never got to hear her
fathers voice telling her that he loves her or that he's proud of her. I
did for a little while but I never appreciated it

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think that we would have moved out of where we are living now.  I
doubt if I would have been allowed to do some of the things that I did in
high school.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he was so young.  He left behind a 2 year old daughter, my
mother who he had been married to for only 4 years and me

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     just bring him back for a minute so that I can tell him that I really
do love him and so my sister could give him a hug

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     happiness.  Our local hospital donated a hospital bed to us so that
my step-dad could stay with us at home in comfort until he died. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     my sister. She was only 2 and she had know idea about what was going
on. She was sitting on my moms lap and then when my mom started crying she
started crying too just because. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was: 
     thinking that I had cancer just because I had kissed him after he had
died without knowing it

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I have found that going to his grave and talking to him about my
feelings and thoughts has helped a lot

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I love you and I am proud of what you will become.  I will be
watching over you always. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     What will happen to my family.  Who will get what. Even though I
don't have a lot of things

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am extremely afraid of dying. I think about it constantly whether I
am driving and am afraid of someone cutting me off and me crashing or if
I'm sitting in my house and think that an earthquake is going to kill me,
even though I live in the Pacific Northwest and we never get earthquakes. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 
     I didn't really like my step-father so when he died I was almost glad
I guess

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I don't mind talking about death even though I am very frightened of
it. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Oct 26 18:59:50 1997
F13 in Washington State =usa=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Prof/Studies: student 
More personal info: 
     I am studying the effects of death/dying on diiferent age groups  
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 86.
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 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Oct 26 15:17:55 1997
M33 in Philadelphia, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack;  Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of our existance. That such a thing is possible, and
ultimately inevitable, is the most basic and significant outside force
which influences our thinking and behavior. 
 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      Was not enormously affected. My Grandfather had been in the hospital
before for various afflictions, and I at first assumed he would pull
through this time as well. As it became evident he would not, I simply
recognized that he was rather old and wa s fairly fortunate to have made
it this long. We were not especially close, and he had numerous character
flaws, but I felt he was sincere in his affection for my parents and I.
Nevertheless, there was a remoteness to the whole event. The fact that my
par ents and Grandmother were not particularly broken up by the event may
have helped me maintain that distance. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... Our pet dog, with whom I had grown up,
suffered from progressive degeneration of her hip joints. Ultimately she
was incapable of walking, and we had her put to sleep. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      How "unjust" it seemed. He was perhaps the most gentle and easygoing
of my friends, and died very abruptly, with no real prior indications. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      That while we can never know if death is truly the end of
experience, and the self, it is foolish to assume that it does not. The
finiteness and fragility of life make it all the more precious. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I can think of no real such instances close to me, but certainly
there are many in the world whose absence would more greatly enrich the
lives of those around them than does their presence. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I don't believe that outside "support" can ever make much of a
difference to me in the face of loss. Such feelings are purely internal,
and everyone else I knew was as powerless to affect their cause as was I. 
However, the fact that my friends seemed to share my feelings in some
detail, felt the same shock and loss and frustration, and didn't pretend
that empty spiritualism or platitudes diminished the tragedy in any way,
kept me from feeling much more frustrated or alone.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The feeling of helplessness, and of having been "robbed" of someone
who not only was valued as a friend by me, but who seemed to be such a
good and worthwhile person generally. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     My friend's mother asked me to videotape the funeral. The absurdity
of the idea amused me, while the greater sadness of what it indicated
about what his family was going through took time to set in. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     There were many moments of absurdity surrounding my friends death,
which my friends and I all saw some dark humor in. A local politician
showed up at the funeral to make a self-serving show of his support.
Another friend wore his realtor pin to the f uneral, in a rather bad-taste
networking effort. Of course, being asked to videotape the event was the
single most bizzare event. My deceased friend had as much of an
appreciation of black humor as the rest of us, and I felt no shame or
remorse over seein g humor in such situations, as I knew that he would
have too. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     In spite of the abruptness of my friend's demise, I really didn't
feel that anything was unresolved in our relationship. I didn't really
feel as though anything was "left undone". 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     My friend's funeral was an open casket affair. For whatever
post-mortem biological or cosmetic reasons, my friend didn't look much
like he had in life, and that very fact seemed to put everyone at ease, as
if it comfortably distanced the service from reality. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     My friends and I are not particularly religious, and the religious
context of the funeral had no real significance to any of us. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     The single saddest aspect to my friend's death has been its affect on
his family. His mother, in particular, has taken shelter in spiritualism
of what seems the most low-rent type.  She has hired psychics and the like
to "contact" her son, and has be en in apparently uninterrupted mourning
for all these years. Having never been particularly close to her, my
friends and I have been unable to help, and have felt quite uncomfortable
on those occasions when we've been around her. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     It's difficult to say how _my_ life would have been different had my
friend lived. I don't suppose it would have changed substantively. I would
simply have one more, particularly good-hearted and loyal, friend. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     The injustice of the event was the single strongest theme to my and
my friends feelings at the time. It would be difficult to single out a
single aspect of it that seemed "fair". 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I felt generally empty and at a loss as to what to do. Another
friend, the best friend of the deceased, called us together to help him
write a eulogy, which at least made me feel that I was doing something to
properly memorialize my friend. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     My friend died too abruptly for medical care to be a factor. However,
it is possible that a misdiagnosis might have helped bring about the
event. A year prior, my friend had passed out on the job, and this was
blamed on a low-grade form of epilepsy o f which his mother had had a
history. In fact, it may well have been some sort of precursor to his
fatal heart attack. I can't say I feel especially angry about his doctor's
handling of the earlier matter, but I suppose it underlines the
limitations of me dical science.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     As stated previously, neither I nor my friends are particularly
religious. In this case, the usual platitudes with which organized
religion faces death seemed particularly hollow, and were something of a
focus for my friends' and my anger.  The eulog y my friends and I wrote
for our friend was conspicuously devoid of religious references.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I suspect that all people of any culture are familiar with the
feeling of loss which accompanies a death. Since the event focuses one's
attention on one's memories of the deceased, the absence of the person in
spite of the strength of those feelings can't help but be jarring. The
strength of memory is probably the foundation for the feeling that the
presence of the deceased persists. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The mourners naturally tended to cluster in their own social groups.
It was notable, and rather unfortunate, that one such group was my
deceased friend's girlfriend and her friends. None of us had known her
particularly well, and some had actively di sapproved of her.
Consequently, that group probably felt rather isolated.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     If I knew that my death were impending, I expect that I would have a
list of things that I would seek to do and experience while I still could.
I know, however, that few people have such an opportunity. Most
"foreknown" death is a much slower and deg enerative process which tends
to impede the pursuit and enjoyment of such things. It is as much as most
can do to simply enjoy the company of friends and loved ones, and to
settle any unresolved or unexpressed issues or feelings one might harbor.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     As stated earlier, my friends' and my gathering to write a eulogy for
our deceased friend was a cathartic experience in that we all recognized
the similarity of our feelings of anger and injustice over the loss. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     Our vet had found a stray dog, which my parents adopted at the same
time they took our old dog in to be put to sleep. Our new dog kept the
absence of the old one from being as strongly felt as it might otherwise
have been. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 
     The feeling that our old dog was relying on us, and we were unable to
help, was particularly painful.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Oct 26 14:12:09 1997
F21 in Jönköping,  =Sweden=
Name: Helena 
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Collected poems 
	    Authors: Per Lagerkvist
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  6yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      what makes everything here in life meaningless.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      didnīt realise what was going on. Why were everyody crying and why
couldnīt I see my great-grandmother anymore? 

--That first time, how it happened was
     My great-grandmother died of a heart-attack. I used to spend much
time at her place

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      I canīt handle my fear of dying anymore. 

--What I think my (Sweden) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      not to be ashamed or scared to talk about it.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I realized how much my family meant to me.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     The biggest support for me was a teacher who saw that I didnīt feel
so well and I also found strenght in taking care of my pet.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that my faith in life after death disappeared and I realized that I
will never meet the person again and of course that Iīm going to die in
the future too. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Be natural, donīt try to hide your feelings. Even if itīs hard to
visit the dying person now you want regret it afterwards. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The moment I found out that he was dead and the first time I saw the
coffin. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I needed to laugh to get rid of all preasure inside me. A laugh can
be vary relieving

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell the person that I loved him, because I never told him... 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     give my grandfather a hug the last time I saw him

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my family had dinner without fighting. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     how to dress, what to eat, what to do etc

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     things that remind me of my grandfather comes up.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     to work in your whole life and then itīs just over in a second

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     rip out my heart. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     tried to hide my true feelings because they caused me much anxiety.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     It was very good. Enen though Iīm young people explained things and
took care of me. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I lost me religious beliefs when my grandfather died 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Iīm scared to death about my own mortality and I have big problems
with anxiety

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     reading poems

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Denial 
     More alcohol the older I get

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was difficult to deal with my own feelings, but  also very important

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Oct 26 07:25:46 1997
F19 in Brandon, Mississippi =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  3.5 ago.
Cause of Death: bike accident;  Aged: 14.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

--That first time, how it happened was
     It was my Grandfather.  I was only in the fourth grade at the time.  I
didn't know him that much, even though my dad and I would visit him every
Sunday afternoon.  I remember feeling quilty at the funeral because I didn't
feel sad or upset. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      At the graveyard, beginning hugged by a friend and crying for the first
time in years. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My poetry writing 
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I believe that there would be no difference in the way I live my life
now.  If he was still alive, the last time I would have spoken to him would
have been about 2 years ago.  I changed schools about that time and lost the
connection that I had with all my friends there.  We were never that close. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Why

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     At the time of the death, I believed in things like organized religion
and christanity but not strongly.  For me it didn't play a part at all.  The
funeral took place in a funeral home instead of a church, so I don't know how
religious the family was . 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     I didn't need help dealing with the dead because I didn't have a problem
with his death.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Other: 

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Sun Oct 26 01:08:54 1997
F21 in Quincy, MA =USA=
Name: Jenelite   <d1d1-at-taco.net>
 Web: http://taco.net/~d1d1
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  i was bored so i decided to take a look.
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Prof/Studies: artist/musician 
More personal info: 
     you may post it. please any remarks would be welcome 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: The Sandman 1-75 
	    Authors: Neil Gaiman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend,  2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;  Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       An ending on this plain, a beginning elsewhere, in a place we have yet
to discover, alive.  a fair well. The loss of the smile of a loved one
(except in memories)  No More physical contact with them, and never seeing
them in fromt of you again, with thier mouth oppening and sound coming out,
with thier views on 'Todays' events.  a goodbye

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      checked for the welfare of others

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My step-grandfather died. it was a bitt hard. I
never knew my grandparents (they all died befor my birth) except for my dad's
real dad who left him at the age of 3 I knew I would miss him, I was 7. But I
saw (for the first and last time)  my Father cry.  my grandad was 69 and died
of natural causes. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      His brother (my best friend) and all the mistakes I made.  The loss of
the both of them. Depression. The psych ward.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      acceptence. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I live my life like everyday is my last. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My art. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     regret.  

--[My friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I: 
     learned to live and not just sit back waiting. also how I moved on

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I felt guilty for crying. He isn't my relative and his little brother
was so hurt along with the rest of his family. I felt like I didn't have the
right. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I'm glad I could put smiles on faces with teardrops streaming down. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     have had _that_ cup of coffee with him, Not brake his brothers heart.
Not sleep with him tearing he and his brother apart. say I'm sorry

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: 
     hug his brother.  attend the open casket wake.  pray for him.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: 
     his father put a sticker that had been made of his picture (3 years
previous to the death) on his casket the whole church laughed and cried at
the same time, and we realzed he will never be 'gone'

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see his family members, our group of friends, and my sister (a close
friend of his as well)

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     many friends I have now would not be in my life, He would be a film
maker (as he wanted) somthing so important to this world would dstill be in
this world.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... 
     that someone as beautiful and full of life was laying in a acsket, an
empty vehical made of flesh.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     speak to him, one more time. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     changed. I started to build up a self conscience I never knew I could
have, I began to live the way my beloved friend lived. He never gave up, and
chased his dreams. now i do as well.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     confusion 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: 
     nothing, but God was a great help 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     (basically) good 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The band 'bim skala bim' and 'steady ernest' attended. He was loved by all

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     wanting to die myself

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     everyone loving you in such a way, you can not even believe it to  be real

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     believing in myself and letting go was the most important thing. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I prayed outside of my friends home when they pulled the plug (finaly) 
I prayyed so haard I feel I helped him make it to a better place, to heaven,
although he was going there anyway. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I wanted to die, I made the desicion to kill myself. Then I froze, lying
there I had a revelation of the peacefulness of death (i felt it) and i
realized it was the fear of the unknown all along.  Im not affraid anymore. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     his brother and I have not spoken since the funeral.
only I can go on, and there is no hope for our friendship. I do
have a therypist for this and other things.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would say that I slept with him because I loved him, 
and that I know his brother still loves him too.
I'd ask him to forgive me. and I'd have a cup of coffee with him.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Music.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have a heart condition, I am not going to live as long as most people. 
I think about it alot but it is no longer a morbid subject, but a way to
remind myself to be all i can and follow my dreams (post haste) 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I talked to God alot and to my deseased friend. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I still talk to god alot, I still say Hi to 'Glen' often.  I live life
knowing that one day I will die, so to not take it for granted. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Distractions 
     at that age it is easy to be less affected, "If grown-ups were better at
dealing with things, they would color in coloringbooks and talk to
butterflies" -me

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
     my dad... 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I enjoyed getting out a little bit more, life is a journey and this was
a nice rest stop to think.  I am very interested in death, it being such an
unknown.  I found this (for lack of a better word) fun.  of course feeling
did arise, but I have learned way to deal, as I mentioned

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Sun Oct 26 00:35:58 1997
Anonymous Guest in MA, =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure;  Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       when our bodies stop functioning and all our vital systems shut down. 
all that is left of the person is their still, inanimate body.  some believe
that that is it.  some believe that the soul of the person has gone to
heaven, or to hell, or to some othe r place. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      freaked out at the description, had nightmares about it

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  my grandmother died.  in her sleep.  the
gruesome thing was she was on the couch for a day before my grandfather
realized she wasn't just sleeping.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      the ngithmares i had and what it must be like to be lying dead on a
couch for a day

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: 
      it's not something to take lightly

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my grandfather gives me more money now..

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     doing stuff to get it off my mind 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     nightmares  

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

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Sat Oct 25 23:48:14 1997
M45 in Omaha, Nebraska =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo.  I entered "dying".
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  1yr ago.
Cause of Death: a variety of illnesses;  Aged: 66.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       When this body ceases to exist in its present form, or in a form
discernible to humans

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      Just felt a mixture of loss, profound sadness and a little guilt

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... the aunt that raised me died of pneumonia while I
was living in another state

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is: 
     How glad I was that his life, which never was much good for him, was
finally over

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: 
      That we don't have to suffer needlessly before we die and that if we
are ready to go, we should by all means, be allowed to do so.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That he was finally released. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     MY belief in God, in Christ Jesus and my feelings about what happens to
people after death if they know the Lord

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Wondering why he had to suffer so much

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Help him go peacefully

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I experience something that reminds me of them, or especially when I
dream about them

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I wouldn't want to be in any other reality, except for Heaven

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     If there were no pain or at least mostly manageable pain, I would have
never thought at all about fairness or unfairness, but then, life seesm
terribly unfair to me, all the time, living or dying.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die and have done with this pain-o-rama called life

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     wept bitterly and for quite some time afterward, on occasion

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: 
     hatred and contempt for people who, in most cases, haven't a clue about
what they're doing, and aren't empowered to do things that would cover up
their incompetence, so they therefore MUST continue to make people suffer

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     What hospice? 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I detest organized religion, but like what they're selling.  It was my
FAITH that helped me, not any church or building, or group of people.  It's
important that we share our faith and that's enough. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: 
     Correct, but does not discount the role of religion in death. 
Certainly, death would be different for someone without any religious
beliefs, but it is STILL death, and that is something that we all must
experience, no matter what we think, feel or b elieve about it, huh?

--Regarding MONEY:
     there is never enough of it, and what there is MUST be misspent (on
things like prolonging a life that doesn't want to be prolonged). 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how shabby it was, even though some siad that it was "beautiful" to
them.  What a sickening way to acknowledge someone's departure.  I didn't
like any of the funerals I have attended, but feel that we have a need to do
something to commemorate the pa ssing of a loved one, whether public or
private, or both.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     How it's shrouded in secrecy and no one wants to talk about it until
it's too late, and then they only say things they've been taught to say. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     I haven't the vaguest notion

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's enumeration of the so-called "stages" on grief
tends to simplify the whole thing a little too much for me, but it is the
closest thing we can come up with, being as frightened as we are by death. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     so far, I have not personally heard of any such thing, althoug a friend
of mine's mother seemed to have a beautific vision upon her death bed. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     My sister had a near-death experience when she was delivering her only
daughter. She recalls hovering above the doctors and seeing everything they
were doing.  I believe her.  She was offered a choice, but told that there
was much she could do.  She
 says she hardly needed convincing to come back.And she did. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?: 
     There will ALWAYS be unresolved issues, even when we have had the
opportunity to talk with them and "work it all out".  The only help for it is
to wait it out, and see if God allows you to heal, I suppose.  We CAN
however, choose whether or not to le t it get the best of us, but that choice
isn't easy.  Help may come from ANYWHERE, and should be welcomed when it
does. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation... 
     "Too bad you can't stay" "I have missed you sorely." 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: 
     No human being should die lying somewhere writhing about in pain and
screaming, kicking, cursing and fighting.  There is simply no need for it.  I
will never understand our inability to understand and deal with this most
basic of concepts.  I believe that it is important to see that they are
without pain and that when they are ready to go, even though we are not ready
for them to go, they should be allowed to go, in fact, enabled. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I've given much thought to my own death, and am of the opinion that
because of our society's fascination with pain and suffering, it could
possibly be a very bad time for me.  If I knew I was going to die very soon,
I would probably be very frightene d.  The very nature of the thing is scary
enough of itself, but when you add our ignorance and failure to deal with
death, that makes it even worse.  I do not look forward to it, except in a
metaphysical way.  The leaving has been made so horrible I can h ardly
imagine that any good will come of it, save the end of a painful existence,
and the elimination of the fear of death (as it will be done).

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Nothing helped.  I had to just let it heal up as best it could over
time.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I had no such practices and have included none. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?  Religion/Clergy

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
     It caused me to be a bit more firm in my conviction that we suffer far
too much and that there are so many death-related issues that society refuses
to investigate and acknowledge.  That makes me a little sadder, really. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Another question you might ask is:  Would you be interested in some
literature that will help you when it's your turn, or when you have to
experience the death of a loved one?
	[ Ed Note:  We do have a Book Reviews section here on the Bardo 
	  for people to recommend or learn about new relevant books. ]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Oct 25 21:33:43 1997 F34 in Reading , Pa == Name: karen Morgan <seeker-at-laserlink.net>  - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [
Web Search: ]
  free samples news online - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: assembler - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading:
	     Titles: on death and dying 
	    Authors: K-Ross - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,
two years ago.  Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 82.  - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is:
      when your body stopes working and your spirit, that part which makes us us, goes
somewhere else. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     did not pay to much attention to it 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... at a funral playing gingerman with my aunt.  It
was her husband who had died.  Everyone was crying but her; She acted like it
was just another day.  she had known he was termanel for a year and had deal
with it. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      the saddness of losing a very wise man.  In AA he was one of the old
gaurd and now the responsiabilty fell to me.  Could I do it? 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that we are missing an important part of out life by hidding death and
fearing it. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the peace when my Greatgrandma,
 who was suffering passed on.  She had made a choice to stop living by
medical means. and this cause great brain damage she would have hated to be a
burden to people.  She had strong faith and was excited about where she was
going. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     hearing my friends talk about the man in a happy respectfull ways. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     being helpless to prevent an untimly death

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     na

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I here people trying to comfort others by saying really dumb things. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Mend fences, say thos last few words, get them help

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see someone who looks like the person who passed away

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     The hardest death to accept was that of a friend who we had just one
week before been joking about the best way to do yourself in ( at a drinking
party at college )  She did it one of the ways that was sugested to the
letter. I felt used and stupid for even being in a conversation like that.  I
am not sure if this is what you want I see a natural death as totaly
different then a suicide.  they should have different names.  I was in shock
when and anoying histroy teacher died over night he was young maybe 50 brain
anerism.  it passed though.  pain from suicide, or from people who start
drinkng again, passes much slower. Maybe because I can relate to them better
age wise.  I expect sick or old people to die but not the young or those near
my age.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they are interfearing with something they know nothing about.  just
because they can save someone should they?  they may know how to keep the car
running but they do not understand the why. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     confusion. My greatgrandma and her peace taught me about death

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     life over comes death.  look at the way last years dead leaves are this
years fertlizer.  every culture has their life over comming death story;
Christ and the resarection: shiva: and the phniox rising from the ashes.

--Regarding MONEY:
     not my concern. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     people looked too beat up. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     wasting all that money to bury a body.  Let it go back to the earth not
seal it up in a hunk of metal. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     rembering the good the person brought into my life and others helps but
so does time.  I might think that I am over someone but then the season
changes and I have my first snow fall without tha person or my first
christmass.  It brings back a whole new group of feelings

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I had a friend who had a near death experince.  He did not understand it
but I was able to help from things that I have read.  He had his Passed away
father telling a light "give the kid a bracke it ain' his time yet"  My
friends whole personality changed.  from an overbearing pompus egomaniac to a
nice guy, humble and caring, meek. 
	I had another friend whos child had been given last rites.around
three years old high fever.  The family had never taught the child any
relgion.  yet when the child awoke he said daddy why are you so scared? I was
not going to die Jesus told me so." years later the family still has no clue
how the child knew of Jesus as any one other the the baby at christmass.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     most people show you the good side of themselves every once and awhile. 
not my grandpa he only showed me the grouchy side.  I tried to search through
family stories to find his good side but could not the bes I could get was
that he was like that smelly old bulldog that lives on the pourch you love
him and have no clue why.  and the pourch would not be the same without him. 
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I can not even conceve of this question. time is up that person has
moved on to something else.  It is a done deal. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     people know that i want to be an organ doner and I want cremated and
buried under and apple tree.  Although I like to visit cemateres I do ot want
to take up land death rites are for the living to help them get over the
death.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     At one time I had a verry strong feeling I was going to die.  I wrote my
child a letter and told my ex were it was.  He knew to trust my feelings. 
rather then die though my life took a total turn about so in a way it was a
death just not one of the body. 
	I did not really do anything different just prayed a little harder
for my kid. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: 
     just saying good bye in some way. usually at a place I rembered that
person most. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? 
     I felt more responsiable.  Like there was a whole that these people had
once filled and had taught me how to fill.  now it was my turn and the trun
of others they had taught. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt
     had some people I knew kill themselves.  I saw the signs to late 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
     It was interesting for me to notic how differently I feel about old
people passing away and young ones

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 24 21:22:07 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: The Bible, the Live Forever Book 
	    Authors: God inspired, Watchtower Bible & Tract Society
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  2 ago.
Cause of Death: Lou Gehrig's disease;  Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     1>the end of all thoughts, emotions, all bodily functions.
2>something man instictively fights against
3>something in mans need to find peace with has encouraged many myths and lies 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was a teenager and it wasn't as much a reality as it is now.  i wasn't
prepared to be of any comfort to anyone or really relate in anyway.  i was
naive.  a friend of my parents had died. i would spend nites with her when
her daughter had to work. we would cook cakes and cookies together and feed
the dog and watch te levision. it is a nice memory now

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... an older friend of my parents that i would spend
the nite with when her daughter was out of town passed away

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     though i was told that the doctor only gave her three more weeks, i
never really believed it at all.  though i was there for her when the
disease disabled her i was not there in the end because i didn;t know what
to do or say. (i feel this is selfish , yet i found myself behaving this
way) i think the pain of those that was left behind was actually greater and
longer than the pain of her disease.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that death is not final. however, it does not mean god took us to be
angels in heaven.  god made us to live on the earth and his plan has not
changed.  i wish all could understand and have confidence in the
resurrection hope. but none need worry abo ut hell fire either. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     some whom had previously been very unemotional were able to show their
grief and sorrow (i don't mean by sobbing necessarily) 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking to others who loved her, comparing stories, and thinking about
the future when we will see her in the resurrection. also knowing that she
was such a fine & courageous example in her daily life and that's and down
to her death was a motivation for many of us

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the realization that she was really gone.  (such a simple thing but at
time hard to remember) . sometimes i was ready to pick up the phone and call
or wanted to tell her something i did that i thought she would be proud of-
and she was not there.  al so, although i know death can happen to any of us
(it is not pre-determined) she was such a good person it is hard to imagine
her gone. i had always hoped we would both make it into God's new paradise
earth-maybe never dying. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     u can never feel their pain, but u can talk or listen and remember that
they are concerned about family they are leaving behind so let them know you
will do all u can to help

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     to let her know more how much i appreciated her encouragement over the
years before she died

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     help with little things around the house so she knew she was truly
loved and appreciated

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     having the body at the funeral-i think memories are better

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     a fill out a questionnaire like this or pass by her old home, or see
her newly remarried husband

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     i had this thought, but i do know that god causes no deaths and all
have inherited sin & death

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     did not want to talk right away to anyone about it

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they did try but she was not even diagnosed until the very end.  i
believe each person needs to research and make the information they find
available to their doctors.  doctors do not know it all

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a future when i would see her and enjoy life on earth here again, she
is still missed now but a have a sure hope for the future

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     lack of appetite, inability to speak and then difficulty breathing

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     friends, praying, remembering

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 24 19:19:18 1997
Anonymous F Teen Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: high school student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 12 ago.
Cause of Death: cardiac arrest;  Aged: not sure--very old.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      the end of the challenging journey and the start of eternal happiness
and love

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      wasn't emotional.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... i'm not sure who died first wether my
grandfather or my great-grandmother when i was about 4 or 5.  i didn't cry
at all.  one distinct thing i remember about my grandfather's death was
after he was lowered down the ground and i took some flowers off his casket,
ran and looked back and ran to the car.  i still don't understand why i did
that. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      how my other relatives cried. i shed some tears during the funeral and
that was it. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Oct 23 21:21:25 1997
F29 in Lindenhurst, NY =USA=
Name: Melissa   <skypod-at-juno.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Dogpile
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Prof/Studies: Administration 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: At Peace In The Light 
	    Authors: Dannion Brinkley
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a brain tumor;  Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a shift of existance and form, from the physical plane to the spiritual. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     cried, uncontrollably, then asked when it was to be my turn.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... when I was 7, first my great-grandmother died,
then my grandmother's dog died, and then we learned about the A-bomb in
school, and I bacame very afraid of both the end of the world and of dying.
Neither parent believed in heave n, so death was a big unknown void. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     my grandmother ("granny") lying in the rented hospital bed, unable to
even move or know where she was. Also, she lost the ability to read. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is not some permanent thing where "good" or "saved" people go to
heaven and "bad" or "sinning" people go to "hell". 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the intense grief I went through for a year has prepared me to better
deal with future devistating events in my life. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being alone to think things through: what I wanted, what I knew, where I
was in life.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     missing her. I still miss her. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     don't offer "advice" for "what to do", especially if they know it. Just
remind them that you love them.

--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     (there is nothing I can say here.) 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     why it has to be reported on paper. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     (never happened) 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with her before she got sick. But I was too busy being a
wacked-out teenager. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     spend that one last day alone with her, even though she was sick at the
time. I also was able to give a eulogy; I was so proud.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my mother watched her mother die. I wondered why she would do this. Then
my aunt (her sister) watched my grandfather die. They had each picked their
favorite parent.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the wake

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     yes. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     It would be ever so much sadder, and I'd be excommunicated and written
out of everybody's wills. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     no. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     -

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     could only cry all the time. When I wasn't crying, I was walking all over
the county in a daze. I thought my life was over anyway, now that this life
was gone. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     thankfullness. They "looked the other way" during euthanasia

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     as far as I know, there wasn't any. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     there was no religion to turn to. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     my experience don't tell me one way or the other. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     suddenly there was all this money, and to balance it, a ton of expenses.
Everyone went crazy.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how many people there were! You'd have thought my grandparants were
dignitaries! 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     feeling older; people gave me more respect for my mourning. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     a tunnel, a wind, a pushing upwards & outwards. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I've numbed a bit, but I'm still greiving in a way. Nothing will ever
repair that.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     Nothing is ever resolved in this life, so everthing is resolved.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     the right to die and not be put on cruel and unusual life-support. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I wish this life were better, but I don't really want to die now, either.
However, like the saying goes: When yer elevens er up, you've had it. I am not
afraid to die, and look forward to it. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I haven't found one yet. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I wish I had some.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     I finally read, 6 month's ago, Dannion Brinkley's book:  At Peace In The
Light. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Religion/Clergy 
     10 yrs ago when I got religious, I was overcome with guilt, and fear of
dying became acute.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     a good reflective experience. I haven't thought of some of these things
in a while. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     How about some questions about our silly and overly-expensive funeral
practices? 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Oct 23 02:20:34 1997
M49 in Calgary, AB =Can=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: On Death and Dying 
	    Authors: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Wife, 17 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: smoke inhalation;  Aged: 19 yrs.
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Denial 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Oct 22 15:39:33 1997
M32 in Rancho Cucamonga, Ca =USA=
Name:    <LeRoyBoan-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  AOL Netfind on hospice and related topics
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of CoWorker, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure;  Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     I vividly remember my father's death. I was only five years old when
I was awakened by my mother's panic attempt to call an ambulance but was
unable to because we had a party line.  The neighbors helped get my father
into the car and his head was on my lap where he gave his final breath on
the way to the hospital. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     Remembering the moments you shared, good or bad brings finality

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 
     Final understanding about  the death and dying process at the age of 12 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Overall, from just reading the questions you have placed here will
help not only family's but medical professionals who have difficulty
dealing with the death and dying experience and I with your permission, I
will refer this page to my patients and coworkers. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Oct 22 13:30:56 1997
F26 in Crawfordville, Florida =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Web Search - Surveys
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Prof/Studies: Administrative Assistant 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ;  Aged: 16 months.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       the most empty feeling that one can possibly have.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      wasnt sure that I would get through it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... It was my daughter.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      I couldn't do anything about it.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      It is forever.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     nothing

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My son 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I will never know my daughter as a little girl or young lady.  I wont
ever see her cheerleading, playing softball, wanting a new doll or dress,
etc.  I guess just the fact that I will miss out on her entire life. 

--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Life is to short......make the very best of every moment.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Why couldn't it be me, not my baby.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I have never laughed about this subject. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     call in sick to work that day.  Then my daughter would have been with
me and this would not have happened. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know her for that short period of time. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     nothing

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     nothing

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about it and cry about it all the time.  I am not sure that
will ever stop.  It is hard to watch other babies that age or see diaper,
etc. commercials on tv. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     My baby girl would be 3 and half and life would be wonderful.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Why not take me instead?

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Go to heaven and be with her. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried for days.  This couln't be happening.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I feel that the medical community needs some major improvement. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     God had a reason for this, and one day I shall know what that reason
is. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I feel as if my baby is with me,  like a personal angel. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     No comment 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     All the beautiful flowers and all the people that showed they cared.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     It is so final.  Life is never the same.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I would love to hold her and tell her I love her just one more time.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     That no matter how long it is before we meet again, that I would
think of her every day and would always love her. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would not like having to be away from my son, but hope that I could
be with my daugher finally. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I am opening a child care center so that I have alot of children to
love and to cherish all the time. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     My son got us through it,  he was 6 at the time.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Just made me realize, again, that everyone faces death and I am not
alone. 

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Tue Oct 21 16:37:20 1997
F22 in new york, new york =Manhattan=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: no job 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  6yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ;  Aged: 51.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      a part of life, but sometimes is not fair. But then again niether is
life. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      was sixteen and very upset.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      how hard my mom, brothers and sisters took it. It was like we were tore in half.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I think it brought us closer together.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the support of my family. Also the great memories we all shared. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 21 15:52:41 1997
F20 in Rindge, NH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  10 months ago.
Cause of Death: natural death;  Aged: 97.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       completely natural, once we're born, we start to die. we stop
living or stop continuing on. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      don't remember, but the most recent my great gradmother i had a hard
time with some

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my father died when i was only five months old
in a motorcycle accident,my mother a three year in a boat accident. all i
remember of my mom's death going to reletives house and them adopting me. 
one of my grandfather died while i was in elementary school. 
	in junior high, a friend of mine died and all i know is he was
stuck in a wheelchair all his life because of this disease. he was a cool
kid and everyone liked him. in my senior year of high school, a friend of
mine committed suicide, some say it was murder. to this day, i think it
was murder. toward the end of that school year, my grandmother died and
she had altzimers disease and it got kinda bad toward the end. i really
did know her very well. 
	last year, my freshman year of college, a guy committed suicide, i
didn't know him, but it affected the whole entire campus. this past
december my great granmother died at the age of 97. this was probably the
first death that affected me, it was finals time and i couldn't even go to
the funeral.  this past summer a recent graduate was killed in a car
accident, she was out of college for a month. i didn't know her but if
affected some of the graduates and the faculty/staff. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      i wasn't around anyone for awhile and never talked to anyone about it.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     to remember what the person gave to me-memories

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     to survive  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     keep them comfortable 

--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     dealt with it, the memories

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     go to the funeral

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     my great grandmother may have made to the year 200 and the age of 100

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     shoot myself 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     just wanted to quit and all i did was cry all night

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     that we can overcome death and i think there something beyond death 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     that noone was there for me for the first few days...

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     i believe in the after life, my grandmother had a near-death
experience and now can she can only wear wind up watches

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     my state of affairs with my great grandmother, good but i never got
to see her. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would feel alot better knowing i could see her one last time

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     yes, i believe in the after life i can travel anywhere

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     it depends on the situation

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Oct 19 23:59:49 1997
Anonymous Guest M21
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  several months ago.
Cause of Death: illicit drugs;  Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... best friend o.d.ing

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     You may learn who really gives a fuck about you, and its not
neccesarily the people you'd expect

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     join our lifeless friends 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     didnt cry or even feel anything until days later at the end of the
funeral, When i began bawling for the first time, since infancy, and for
the rest of the day

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing, in fact it made me downright sick 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Birth and death are something we ALL have in common, so our little
minds try to attach some type of significance to a disabling experience,
thus trying to deny its permanence

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     How little anyone there knew about or cared for the deceased,

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Denial 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     trying,  And now i feel stupid

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Sun Oct 19 20:52:23 1997
M40 in Lakewood, CO =USA=
Contact: <horsfethers-at-rocketmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: surveillance operator/humor writer 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Conversations Beyond The Light 
	    Authors: Pat Kubis/Mark Macy
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  16 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accidental exposure to carbon monoxide;  Aged: 41.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       a temporary cessation of our physical selves, during which our
spiritual souls rejuvenate, take stock, and prepare to either advance
themselves or return to the physical realm to further their human
experience

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      grew numb, and felt an inexplicable sadness and denial, not
believing that they had passed on

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...the accidental death of someone I knew in
elementary school; my father happened upon the scene of the accident.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      the comfort I now have of the true nature of death, and the
knowledge that this person's phyiscal being is gone, but their soul and
essence live on.  I will encounter them again in my own afterlife; perhaps
even in my next life, as well. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      Death is a transition, not the end. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Death--assuming it is not sought out as suicide, to elude the pain of
a phyiscal existence--is a time for the soul to reflect upon lessons
learned, experiences examined, and to prepare for the next steps to
gradual ascension to the higher astral plan es

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the gradual realization that death was not extinction

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the knowledge that I would not see them again in this phyiscal life

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     let them know you care, and won't forget

--The most confusing point of death for me was when: 
     prior to my learning of instrumental transcommunication, the
understanding of why this person was taken at this particular point in
their life

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     the soul of the departed was telling my psychically that it was okay,
and that they would do so in my place--which I would certainly encourage
myself...if I could orchestrate my own funeral, I would insist that anyone
that planned any kind of spoken eulogy employed wit and humor to remember
me...the dumber the jokes, the better. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I wish I would have been more proactive in being there for this one
person that died 16 years ago; she expressed a desire to get together, and
I failed to appreciate the urgency of it--until too late.  I know she
understands and forgave me immediatel y, but I wasn't as willing to
forgive myself, for years after her passing

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     learn of the wonders and existence of instrumental
transcommunication, and the world beyond our immediately visible, physical
one

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     her memory comes back to me

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I suspect I'd have greater wisdom, less attachment to the
unimportant, and a greater grasp of what really does matter

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     which I realize are silly now; life isn't fair, and each of our
deaths were choreographed by us, before we entered our latest physical
life. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     bring them back, if even for a moment...of course, I realize that it
can't be, and won't be...and gradually the desire passes

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt both an emptiness at the loss, and a sadness that I could no
longer communicate with them directly

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     very real, very relevant.  The spirit does transcend both religion
and culture.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I regret that I missed her funeral; I didn't learn of her death until
10 days after her funeral, which added greatly to my guilt over the years

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't know if she experienced any such; but I very strongly felt
her presence when I learned of her death, and had a clear, mental vision
of her telling me it was okay

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Not me, personally.  A cousin--returning from her father's
funeral--encountered his spirit image in her home, wherein he assured her
he was in a better place.  It was a shattering, yet somehow calming
experience for her.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?: 
     She knows...and she forgave me long ago.  It took me longer to
forgive myself, but my introduction into instrumental transcommunication
and the spirit world--in the fall of '95--has given me a great deal of
peace of mind in that regard

--If we were to visit one last conversation... 
     Granted, it would be nice to sit down with her, and talk about all
the things that had happened before and since her death.  But maybe I'll
get that chance, when I've passed over to that next realm. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: 
     Let 'em know not to make a big issue of my death.  Remember my good
points, and know we'll meet again

--Any thoughts about your own death?: 
     I don't fear it as I once did.  I do sometimes wonder why someone
special goes--like Princess Diana--when someone like me lives on.  The
answer is deeper inside me than I'm psychically able to recall. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: 
     It did help, but it took time--I wrote a poem of love and parting to
my friend, and took it to the cemetery, leaving it on her grave.  Whatever
became of it is not important; I know she read it, and appreciated my
belated expression of love. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? 
     I'm open about my philosophy about life after death, and I find that
more and more people I encounter share similar thoughts and beliefs. 
Particularly in times of grief, these thoughts and beliefs prove a
comfort. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
      

 - - - - - P e r s o n a l   H i s t o r y - - - - -

1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     A pleasant one.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Not really; with so many different experiences out there, you can
only cover so much ground. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Oct 19 14:33:44 1997
Anonymous F Guest in Spain
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: All the books on Anthroposophy, also I don't remember the title, (I
lend the book and never got it back), but it was book on NDS experiences
	    Authors: 
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--Death Is: 
      I don't believe in alien culture. But for humans, (and all our judgements is
quite limited). Death could be a lot of things. Resting place for a while, place were
they gather strength before a new start. A time when they finally can be themselves ag
ain, feel security, love... So many things. IT IS A GATE TO ANOTHER WORLD. Which is
much more pleasant and easy to be in than this world, that I know for sure. 
 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      I was 6 and didn't really pay much attention. It did not seem such an important
event to me. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was.. My grandmother died, it seemed quite natural to mes, as I
now remember/.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     My families quarells over her will. Phew, akward!

--What I think my (World) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      Are you kidding? we are afraid to live most of all! Before we learn about Death,
I think we have to learn about life first. If you look at the state of inner and outer
life of most of the people, I am not surprised at all that Death is an absolute tabu. I
would be afraid even to mention Death if I would live, think and feel like this. It is
like people are under some kind of a hypnosis. Although it is so funny, don't you find
- so very few people actually LIVE, that it seems stupid on their part n ot to talk
about Death! Why are people afraid of Death? It is obviosly not because they would like
to lead they life forever (they don't even know what to do with themselves on a rainy
day). It is because unconciously they feel fear and guilt. If we lead a fulfilled,
creative life, trying to progress spiritually, morally, as human beings every day, then
the feeling of guilt will be gone. THEN we can start to think and talk about death and
then we will not be afraid of it. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Death of princess Diana. I don't know how, but particulary her death (and life).
Made me realise so many things. I woke up in the morning and realised that I want
nothing else than to live with my husband, raise my child with all my love so that he i
s a good human being and to be able to study and learn - by books, CD roms and music.
There is nothing more I want from the material life. Except may be expensive designer
cosmetics. But we all should have a little passion, so that doesn't count. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Make him feel that life is not over, that you will be together anyway. Well, it
only is sensible if You Yourself believe in it. and know it. Otherwise it is better to
keep quiet.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     You hardly ever laugh more cleanly, purely than then. It's a purifying and
relieving laughter. You feel so much stronger to face life if you cope with death
correctly.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Yes

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     It seems unnatural. Like it would not be the same person, but a cheaper version of
the original. Sequel.  But of course you can feel so only after a person has died. I
don't think I would think so if my husband would have died. But I don't know, it
depends. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt some kind of very gentle, inner happiness. It was like I have touched the
world in which the deceased person was now in. Yes, and most importantly - feeling of
hope. I do not know why. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Doctors can only deal with problems wich are caused by education in school or at
home. If parents or teachers are not much wiser than 5 years old and do not have their
own moral principles, don't actually have a soul, then that is what they can give to
their children.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Less then nothing.  

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     This link of Spirit should and could be established here. It doesn't seem too
possible. But as Leonard Cohen sings very, very wisely "Every heart, every heart to
love will come but like a refugee". Do you know what it means? Ha! Guess! (little help
- when do we have refugees?) You dont need to be a claviorant to see tha future. Just
look how much love there is in the world right now

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     People were not comfortable. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Look at your hand. It is pretty sure. If you do not believe that, just talk to the
medical students who spend their time in morgs examining young corpses Life line. It is
never long. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     It is always very individua. You can not offer any general solution or comfort. In
some cases it is just not possible.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I was washed and oiled by long dead relative, but as I realised what it means I
thought that I have too much to do and too many people dependant on me to care for and
refused to follow. After that my health greatly improved and horroble headaches of
which I was not free even for a minute for a long time disappeared completely. I did
not also feel tired. Like I was born second time. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I have only had out of body experiences. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I can tell it to them just the same, no dream neccessary. It is horrible to leve
the dead person alone only because you do not believe in afterlife or do not feel their
presence. After all they never leave us. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Right now I can't. Too many people depend on me. Otherwise I would feel wonderful,
providing that I would feel that I have accomplished what I was to. But may be I wil
never get this feeling? I am a perfectionist after all. Well I can describe it exa ctly
- if you were about to go home after a long journey, but desperately would try to
remember if you have forgot to bring some presents. You would know that there is no way
that you can manage to buy them now as you are standing at the entrance door.. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     I am not afraid of it, I know how it is, I've been there in my dreams and believe
me, it is a much better world than ours. But it is only our fault that we've made this
world such a bad place. So I'm trying to make it a little bit better while I am h ere

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 
     Would - being scared to be left alone here without my husband. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     1. question in this questionnaire should be :" Do you really live?", but I guess
they would think it is a really distasteful joke and not complete you q.

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Sat Oct 18 17:09:09 1997
Anonymous Guest in UK
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  12 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia, brought on by advancing cancer and the loss of her partner; 
Aged: 70 yrs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      The end of consciousness within the living body.  The body stops functioning.
 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     cried.  I can remember it quite vividly, watching my mum cry as it was her mother
that died.  It was around 6pm that we found out, it was dark outside and we had a fire
burning.  I sat on the floor and cried. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... a baby bird that i found and took home died the next
morning.  My mum told me when i got up that day. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      My grandmothers death is not the most recent one, but the most recent was someone
whom i didn't get on well with at school, she was my own age.  It shocked me that
someone my own age was now not living.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It can be a release from pain and suffering.  we need to celebrate that persons
life, not our own loss.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I don't think i needed any support for my grandmothers death.  I'm comforted by
the fact that she loved me and according to my mum, my nan thought she would be in
heaven with my granddad.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I will never know my nan as an adult, only as an eleven year old girl.  I wish i
had the opprotunity to know ny nan on equal terms. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     tell my nan that i loved her. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was left with emptiness. Sometimes a fear of death, that i want to live and
experience things, however, i guess when your old and tired all you want to do is
sleep. I'm too far away from old age to feel that but i accept it. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     i wasn't allowed to go my nans funeral, and i think this was a bad decision.  It
was only when i attended her sisters funeral did i actually let out some of the grief
that i had experienced over my nans death. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     i sometimes "know" when the phone rings that it has happened. And who
it has happened to.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i would want to be cremated.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It made me think about my nan again, something that i have not done for some time.
Because of this it brought up some happy memories aswell as wishes that cannot be
fulfilled.  It was not a distressing or scary experience, i think it does you good that
you are not all powerful or immortal. it puts things in perspective a bit. 

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Sat Oct 18 14:05:38 1997
F34 in St. Louis,  Missouri = U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  24 yrs  ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      A way of life for all of us at some point and time we all will die. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
       Was when my grandma died when I was 10. That is the 1st one I remember since my
other grandparents died when I was 3 or 4 and can't remember that far back. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was it was my grandmother when I was 10 years old and I took it
harder than all my other relatives that have died since that time. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      It was my husband's aunt that died Dec. 1996 and most were saying how horrible of
a person she was and her husband was now free of her to live life to the fullest. 

--What I think my ( U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      to talk about it and to make your intentions known as to
 what you wish your funeral to be like and where you wish 
 to be burried at and what things you are leaving to whom 
 so that nobody fights over your property once you are gone.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
      to remember the good times spent with that person that
 no one will ever be able to take away from you.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
      just being able to talk it over with family and deal with
 it. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
      being able to live without the person and to get over the
 pain I felt because of the person no longer there.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
      that I would always be ther for that family after the 
 family member was gone and to help them deal with the loss. 

--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
      helped them in the time of there need.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
      when they put them into the ground and thinking that later
 on someone would go back and unbury them and that the 
 whole thing was just a joke that the person really didn't 
 die but was pretending to see how they would react to their
 death.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
      when my dad told me grandma died I  thought he was going
 to say April fool even though when she died it was the 4th 
 of July. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
      have been able to have understood better as to what 
 happened to my grandma as far as why she died and to have
 been able to have seen her in the hospital and to have told
 her one last time that I loved her but being only 10 at 
 the time my parents and the hospital would not allow kids in
 the hospital room.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
      get to know my grandma as well as I did and have  her 
 around for as long as she was here. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
      the clock at my grandmas house struck 3 and I turned to
 my uncle that was there and told him that grandma had died
 later on we found out that she had died at exactly 3 
 o'clock on July 4th. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
      who was going to get what of her belongings.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
      the 4th of July comes around and it makes me think of her.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
      unknown.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
      that she died she was only 78 and too young to die.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
      relive a few more days with my grandma and to let her see
 what my life is like now and for her to see her great-
 grandkids. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
      did a whole lot of crying and asking why they had to die.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
      unknown since I was to young to remember much about that 
 stuff. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
      they made her pain free until she died and made her comfor-
 table. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
      God would now be taking care of her and that someday I knew
 we would be together again. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
      like I could handle any of lifes crisies. 

--Regarding MONEY:
      everybody wants to know what the deceased person has left
 for them as to how much importance they meant to them. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
      it was held in a dignified manner and that all were there
 in sharing the grief long after the person was laid to
 rest.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
      seeing my grandma in that casket and expecting  her to 
 get out of there and be alive and healthy.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
      unknown.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
      I remember the good times and treasure that always. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
      unknown. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
      has never happened. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
      real well and I know she is at peace.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
      the only thing I wish to say is that I will always love 
 that person and miss the forever.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
      that everything should be written out to the letter and 
 that specific instructions should be followed as to what
 your wishes are.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
      Well I would get all my affairs in order and make sure 
 that my kids knew what possessions that I would like for 
 them to have, the music I wish to have played where to
 bury me at and how much my family has meant to me through-
 out my life.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
      no. Just a lot of healing  from family and friends.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
      Well I notice once in a while that I do talk to my grandma
 in times of crisis to see if she would offer advise which
 never comes.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
      It made me reflect back on what happened in the past and how good it is to
remember people even years later and good memories. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 17 15:38:56 1997
F36 in San Francisco, CA =San Francisco=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS;  Aged: 40.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      the end of one part of our existence.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
       couldn't comprehend that this person would never be part of my life again.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... two of my cousins were killed in an automobile accident when I was 11
years old. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      feeling guilty because I hadn't known he was sick until just before he died.  I had been
talking to him about how tough my life was and then an hour or two later it suddenly dawned on me
that he was DYING and I had just prattled on and on about noth ing. 

--What I think my (San Francisco) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      that the dignity of the dying person is important but so are the feelings of his or her
loved ones. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when my friend died we had a funeral for him and I sang with other musical colleagues of his;
we made beautiful, beautiful music... 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being thankful for the gift of my friend's presence and talents and music. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     losing those gifts of music and humor forever

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     wished he could have married his lover just like any straight person could.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     immediately after hearing he was gone; the sensation of un-reality was very strange.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell him I loved him and that he had enriched my life greatly.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know him and sing with him and know of his great gift. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear a particular James Taylor song that reminds me of him.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt heavy, wooden, and completely sickened and disheartened.  I think I even developed flu
symptoms. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     it was the context in which our friendship happened (church choir).  It was a primary social
contact for my friend and for me and for our whole circle.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like it enriches my more "traditional" beliefs and fills in where they sometimes fall short. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the feeling of unity in sorrow.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Seemed like many questions didn't apply to me, or at least not to me as I am now; the death
of which I was writing was some years ago.  I may need to revisit this site again soon as a close
relative is currently near death. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I have had the experience myself of being at some distance from a dying loved one and
suddenly feeling their presence strongly with me.  I have had this experience twice and
subsequently discovered that the moment of death had been just before my exp erience (within a few
minutes).  I wonder if others have had this experience? 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 17 13:11:14 1997
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: Given wrong drug by paramedics;  Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
 The separation of our physical bodies from our spirit bodies.  The physical body is laid to rest
in the earth.  The spirit body goes on to a different world. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      didn't know how to react.  I didn't want to accept it.  I needed some confirmation of the
event in order to accept it. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my best friend in sixth grade died of heart failure early one morning. 
I sang at her funeral. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      everyone coming together for emotional support.  Unity.  Love. Peace. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
      how to help others better understand that death is only a temporary parting. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I don't agree with the subject of this sentance.  Death does have gifts.  I shall recall the
love and experience it again one day. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being a support for others. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the time I had to think about it. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Being there is a necessity.  Tell them you love them and will see them soon. Then, just shut
up and let them speak because chances are very likely they'll want to tell you the same.

--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     know I will see him again and of the peace and comfort we can receive during the mourning
process. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I had to deal with the initial reaction.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     This never happened. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     listen more.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     feel the love of the family and the Lord and actually see the peace that comes and joy when
we move on to greener pastures.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my heart felt full. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     fear of never seeing the deceased again. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I am having problems in my own life and forget the eternal plan of things. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I see beautiful colors.  there's a lot of smiling and hugging....but the death has still
happened.. but now I, too, have passed on. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why did *I* have to go through this?  It's so selfish to think, though. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     wake up one morning and everything would be the same as it was before. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried for awhile and prayed..and was comforted.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     The technology and care we got was amazing, but it was that that put him in the hospital
first.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     N/A 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     The entire acceptance and knowledge of death and the life thereafter was explained.  I even
begin to understand how people can make it through such traumatic experiences not knowing what I
know. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     All people are children of God and have the same opportunities for improvement so that after
physical death, they may return to live with him in paradisciacal glory.

--Regarding MONEY:
     settling all of his investments after the fact. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     It wasn't mourning..it was a celebration of life. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     being at a generally 'happy' funeral.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     slurred speach, slow movement.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Denial 
     Too many "why's" 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 17 09:03:01 1997
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer;  Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      loosing someone you love,( gone forever)

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      was 12, I didnt cry alot just at the funeral

--That first time, how it happened was
     neighbor died from lung cancer

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     feeling bad for the family

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
      I think that all the vilence in the world has got to come to an end!!!!

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     When you go to Heaven, it should be a wonderful place.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My mother explained that she was going to a better place and would be happy there 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not ever being to see them again  

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     spoking came realy damage your body even causing death

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     see her more before she died

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     charish the good times we had together

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt realy bad for the family they would not have a mother anymore

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     talking to people

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 17 09:00:02 1997
Anonymous F Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: TV Producer 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurysm;  Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      Saying goodbye to someone forever, and never seeing or hearing from them again. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      Was just surprised.

--That first time, how it happened was
     A great-aunt died.  She lived in another state.  I remember being very surprised and just a
little bit sad. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The big turnout at my friend's funeral, and how much everyone loved her. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That people need a good support system when someone dies.  Counselors can help. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Seeing friends come together. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Support from family and friends. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Memories, and not being able to bring them back. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     That life is ripped away from someone so young.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Talked about it.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Distractions 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Oct 16 19:59:01 1997
F18 in Victoria, Texas =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  1yr ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      was about 8 years old and really didn't understand what was going on.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      that it was hard to understand why it happened and not blame ourselves

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     being left behind.  Sometimes I wished I would have died too.  

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     understanding why he had to die.  It didn't have to be that way.  There were
other ways around it.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     tell him how much I loved him.  I thought our friendship would last forever.  I
worshiped him like a god yet he never knew it.  I wish I would have told him how much
he meant to me.  Maybe it could have changed his mind. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I don't understand why it had to happen to me.  I often wondered "why not some
one else?"  I thought I was being punished for something I had done. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Oct 16 12:44:27 1997
F18 in dublin,  =ireland=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  yahoo under survey
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: applied science, 3rd level. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accidental death under some suspicion;  Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
 the end of this existence on earth.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and don't remember all the details.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my uncle died of a brain tumor during
operation. my mother was very upset, and i remember that fact better than
the rest of the details.  i don't remember how old i was but i must have
been very young as i don't really remember him. he was my mother's
brother-in-law married to her sister. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      he was very close to friend of mine who was moving to america that
same week. i think she felt more lonely going knowing he was dead,
realising how long it will be before she sees any of us again. 

--What I think my (ireland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      death is final and someone else's life, and your own, should be
respected as precious and precarious. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     ????? 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking about it with family and friends. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the thought of continuing without them. that life goes on after such
a tragedy. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     being able to say goodbye - so as to ease their pain even if not your
own. 

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     ?????

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i was first told about his death. it was a shock I was completely
unprepared for. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     ? 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say goodbye.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     ? 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i first heard he had died, i kept remembering back to time when he
gave me and two other friends a lift to a party. we were in the car for
forty minutes and those were the most enjoyable forty minutes of that
night. that was the night i first met paul.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the last time i saw him. he was playing in the band during a
christmas carol service and i didn't even got to say hello or goodbye. we
were both to busy really. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     ?

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 
     my father helped by talking to me about my uncle and why my mother
was upset. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 
      
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Oct 15 17:05:48 1997
M40's in , michigan =usa=
  <kstcharles-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  through   www.dogpile.com search using keywords "death and dying".
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend,  3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: unknown;  Aged: 39.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      the end of a cycle.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I lived in a private nursing home with parents.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      the vitality of this person and their love of life.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      to talk about it. Educate each other.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     friends anf a supportive family. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     unexpectedness and untimelyness of it. The fact that it's timing is
so unpredictable. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Do not give smpathy, they have enough of their own. Give them cheer
and a reason to rejoice in having had life. This is the ultimate
experience. This is the one experience that only comes once and it should
be anticipated to be the ultimate ride, the best that life has to offer,
it does not have to be perceived as a negative thing. 

--[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     perceive it. (See above last comment)

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I did not have this feeling or emotion, personally. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     do nothing different. I love how I learned what I did.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     This is tough for me. I think we all try to "imagine" the "what if's"
of life. Reality is that some things we cannot answer. We will never know,
I think that thought leaves a void in itself. Not a worthwhile pondering. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     learned how precious it is. Fragile, and so taken for granted.  The
emptiness was a bit overwhelming. The thought that their voice was never
to be heard again left a void.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I am unfamiliar with this theory. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Have the respect for the wishes of the dying person. This is their
ultimate last wish. Give them their time. We cannot know how much is
retained of this world. Be sure these wishes are understood. More in the
spiritual sense than the physical. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     It scares me a bit. But I think the thought of it's affect upon those
around me concerns me more. I apreciate it happens. It will no doubt.
There's no stopping it.  I think those loved ones will have a more
difficult time with my death than I will my self, just because I know it
is inevitable. I accept that. I dont want my loved ones to grieve, I want
them to celebrate my accomplishments and talents, the contributions of my
philosophy, if it had any effect upon mankind or any individual, if it had
a p rofound effect upon mankind.That I left my mark upon this earth and I
hope that impact would have been enough to perpetuate itself, even the
origin of that philosophy might have disappeared, it may exist in giving
hope to life and it's ultimate worth. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     Understanding of it's inevitable nature.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 
     has touched my life close in recent years.  

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Good. I have thought about this a lot. I love life. I feel we are
here to learn. Death is the ultimate and final physical lesson. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Oct 15 00:21:09 1997
F25 in Seoul,  =Korea=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Other: ]
  simply "ran into" your sight
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a disease;  Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       natural

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      
thought almost nothing of it

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...paternal grandmother passed away 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      pain, sorrow

--What I think my (Korea) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      natural

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     a more peaceful life for my mother

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my own thoughts on my own time 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not having been able to speak to him before death  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     he/she can feel it, so just be there 

--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     tell you parents how much you love them whenver there's the chance

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     just go with your gutt feelings 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     speak to my father, hug him, tell him I loved him and thanked him

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     become the person I am now  

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     stressful but a family

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     he died too soon

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     ask him for advice 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt numb

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     sterile but caring 

--Regarding MONEY:
     no role at all 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the amount of people

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I couldn't cry much

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     take all the time you want and need but talk to others 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     express love and gratefulness

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Scared but believe that every day counts because who knows what can
happen tomorrow

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     acceptance

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Helping Other People cope 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 14 18:14:01 1997
M33 in Mission, Kansas =USA=
Name:    <kendra68-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  yahoo search: test
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: anasthesia;  Aged: 53.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      a rebirth...a transformation to another stage of learning..a portal
into eternity

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      was 13...was devastated...blamed myself

--That first time, how it happened was
     My first love committed suicide

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      helping my mother die...talking her through the passage....reminding
her and myself,,and others..that everything is as it should be..everything
right now is exactly what is supposed to be happening..and she had
complete control over the sitiuation a nd could let go at will

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      It's status of honor..and that when we grieve the death of others we
are only grieving our own mortality

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     A better understanding and greater awareness of the circle of
life..in all things ther must be adversity..and all things come full
circle

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     A psychiatrist that made me experience the anger and rage....learning
to grasp that and allow myself to be angry..without guilt was very healing

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The first death was the guilt..what I should have done..what I should
have said..now I don't find anything really difficult in dealing with
death..perhaps I am most shocked at my lack of grieving..I accept more
readily and quickly..although I think i f my son died or the man I ma in
love with died, I would be a long time healing and grieving

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     If you are there for a dying person...ask everything ...say
everything..and don't be afriad to talk about the inevitable

--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     All things are necessary...

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     In my mother's death..I was most confused when I found myself the
only family member against a board of 20 hospital staff stating that I
wanted it to be my mother's decision as to whether we should take her off
of life support..I didn't feel it was o ur place to play God..contrary to
waht my sister, aunts, grandmother or doctors thought

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     It is pent up emotion...an outlet...if you don't laugh you cry and
visa versa

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell Mike I loved him..when he asked...when he begged me to the week
before he took his life

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be strong for Mike's mother and my family 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I heard my mother's voice say.."It's time" but she was
unconscience...As a matter of fact, in the last hours she was
communicating to me telepathically on a number of importnat things to
her..sounds odd, but the same messages were being received by her best
friend Susan who was also present at her death

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Saying the last goodbye....I think the departed lingers long enough
to drink in all the love and warmth of those grieving..they just know

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I have contemplated this...but unless there is a parallel
universe..this simply doesn't apply..I am exactly where I am supposed to
be and Mike died..if for no other reason than for the strength and wisdom
his death has given me

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Not at all

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried...uncontrollably

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Apathy..I hate conventional medicine and doctors 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Alot...I have religious convictions that are strong and hold true to
the after life and God

--Regarding MONEY:
     Greed in relatives 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The pressure I felt having to write the eulogy

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Get through all of the stages..give each stage its due turn and
time..even with the help of an experienced professional.... acceptance..
when it does come.. is so much more sweeter and longer lasting

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     My mother was lead through a beautiful garden by an angel and her
father...my grandfather was very present...but I felt the presence of many
beings

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     Anger with my mother..not that she died..but I was angry with her in
life..I refuse to resolve myself to other's beliefs or practices of
grieving and feeling sad only because a person has died..I believe my
issues were real in life and so her passing doesn't make them any less
real or valid..I can onlyy say that these are issues I would be dealing
with in her living or death and so I must resolve them as I would any
other issues of anger or hurt. I think it is healthy that I can stil own
these feeli ngs and not deny them out of guilt because she is no longer
alive

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Feel like crying upon reading this question..not ready to examine
this..how's that for DENIAL

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Have a Living Will and Power of Attorney assigned to someone who
knows you well and you trust

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have a large life insurance policy to provide for my family

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Writing...writing ...writing...I highly recommend it

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     Psychatric treatment

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 
     Denial 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 14 16:34:11 1997
M41 in London, Ohio =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  30 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: doctors mistake;  Aged: mid 30's?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       a new beginning

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      had no idea what happened.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my mother died after surgery (doctor mistake
killed her) when I was 8.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      playing with my cousins around the funeral home not realizing it was
my mother in the casket. 

--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      is there afterlife!

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     nothing.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I miss my mother more and more each day,and it has been 30 yrs.  

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell my mom I loved her one more time.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think how different my life would have been,had I my mothers
influence. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     It would be so happy.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that "god" takes the wrong people. I don't believe there is a god,or
if there is, he's a CRUEL god,not the savior everyone thinks he is!!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die, so I can see my mom again! 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     regret not mourning properly when my mom died.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I hate all doctors and would rather take my chances,if i'm seriously
injured,because they killed my mother and I can never forget that!

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     god & the doctors killed my mom. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I may see my mom in the afterlife. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I don't know how to grieve and probably never will. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     there is no help for me,for playing at my mom's funeral.It is a guilt
I will always carry. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I do not want to be kept alive if I'm incapacitated in any way.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I think about death every day.Some days I hope I'll die soon,some
days I think I can hurry it up. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     Death could be life!

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Upbringing 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I think it was good to finally get some of my thoughts out.It is very
hard to keep bottled up inside. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 14 14:39:53 1997
F38 in Atlanta, Georgia =USA=
Name:    <tburgwar-at-po.cd.capital.ge.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Beyond the Light, Into the Light, The Life Beyond,  
	    Authors: Dannion Brinkley, Raymond Moody
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  33 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      a transition.  It is an end to the physical body our spirit dwells
in and a return of the spirit.. our personality and all... to the realm of
the spirit world

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      was at my grandfather's funeral at age 7 yrs.  Nobody had ever told
me anything about death so I was terrified of the dead body.. like the old
mummy movies. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...at my grandfather's funeral, my sister and I
were being polite by talking to the funeral director.  He launched into a
whole lecture .. complete with a tour of the whole operation, of how they
embalm people, how the blood comes out andthe fluid pumped in.. how the
blood runs off the table froma gutter aound the egde into a bucket hung on
the corner ofthe embalming table... how they put on makeup and match
complexions for the coffin color.. etc etc.  -- my sister and I had
nightmares for months.  nice funeral director,.. he just misunderstood our
polite chit chat for genuine interest in his craft. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      celebration of his life while us youngsters were left out inthe cold
of the conversation.  We were afraid for the most part.  Nobody had really
talked to us and there was a dead body lying in the room.. Grandma even
KISSED THE DEAD BODY!! 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      that it is a subject that should be discussed more.. without fear of
ridicule or accusatory morbitiy. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     actually, Death IS a gift in some cases where the body has literally
been worn out.  Death is a release of the spirit and a time of great
learning for what our mission on Earth was and what lessons we learned
sucessfully or unsuccessfully.  It is a t ime for family and frieends to
refledct back ont he rperson's life as well and relive happy and special
moments as well as tragic events inthe dead persn's life.  Funerals are
for the living not the dsead

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my faith 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the loss of my own ability to communicate with the dead person and
what had been left unsaid or undone

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     start a life story of the person who is dying to be able to answer
questions to write a story of their livesa nd special rememberances.  This
would be fun and valuable as an asset for family members who then do not
deal well with the person's actual death

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     found comfort in meditation and prayer

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the dying person actually dies -- why certain things seem so
different from one moment to the next

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     talk to Cathy the night before she died 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt like someone had shot mein the head with a bullet about the size
of a baseball

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     remebering that event now among the family as we laugh about it made
it part of the family lore

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Superstition 
     lack of knowledge definitely creates fear of the unknown.  As we age
we gain faith or knowledge ort both to help deal with concepts of death...
that is,,,.. if we have a mind to think about it

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 14 10:47:00 1997
F54 in , Washington =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  link on psychology search
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  0.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: She went into the hospital to be rehydrated as the pain
medications she'd been on made her sick to her stomach and she wasn't
eating or drinking.  In short, they double-dosed her.  Her respiratory
system began to shut down and the decline to total physiological shutdown
began.  My sisters and I honored her DNR and living will instructions. ; 
Aged: 83. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      the failure or inability of the body (the house for the psyche) to
sustain its functions.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     screamed and cried initially, then went to bed and curled into a
ball.  I tried to remember as much as I could about my father: how he
smiled, how his hugs felt, how tall he was in relation to me, "alone" 
times we'd shared laughing and talking, things he did for me as a child... 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...When I was a small child I dreamed my parents
died. My first actual experience was the death of my father when I was 32. 
He'd been dealing with cancer and it appeared he'd won as the latest tests
had shown no signs.  Late one night he began to have trouble breathing,
was rushed to the hospital, his lungs filled with fluid and he died. I was
out of the country and didn't find out about his death until I returned. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      The strange dynamics and disintegrating relationships between my
sisters and myself. I was amazed that I wasn't devastated by my mother's
death.  In re-examining our relationship, I came to understand that we
each do the best we can and she was never the mother/nurturer that I
needed and I would never be the person she wanted me to be. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      We need to celebrate the time we had with out loved ones instead of
mourning what will never be. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The time I did have with my dad.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My friends and my own introspection. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the realization that I'd never share anything more with my dad and
he'd never know how my life unfolded. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Hold their hand, tell them you love them, and tell them it's "okay"
to let go of this life.

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     We experience many deaths in our lives...deaths of relationships,
friends, pets, etc. and it is the sharing of their lives with us that we
need to remember and value.  Life is not static...it's like a
rollercoaster.  We don't know what's coming so we need to enjoy the ride
while it lasts. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     After my father's death I didn't understand why a genuinely nice
person, as fair, kind, honest and loving as my father was had to die and
the mean-spirited, lying, dishonorable low-lifes kept on breathing.  It
just seemed to unfair. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     n/a 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with him as an adult and really gotten to know him as
a person not just my father. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have the time with him that I did have.  I just wish I'd made better
use of that time.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my mother died and we had one last dinner at her favorite restaurant,
shared a platter of her favorite food, talked about our fondest memories
of her, and celebrated my daughter's birthday.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     there is some sort of expectation that mourning behavior should be
the same for everyone.  We are all individuals and each mourn in our own
way. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think of my dad and how much I still miss him.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     My son would have met and known my dad and my dad would have had the
fishing partner he always wanted. Both my children would have been much
richer for knowing my father and experiencing his humor and wisdom. As for
myself, I think that I would have had someone in my corner to lean on
instead of having to forge through alone. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why did he *have* to die so soon.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     slowly came to understand my loss was the termination of our
relationship.  I hadn't been prepared or pondered the complexities of my
wants and expections of the assumed continuation of our relationship. In
other words, I took it all for granted.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     With regard to my mother, I wish they would admit their
responsibility for her death.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     n/a 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     n/a 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     We had no funeral. We gathered her friends and family and celebrated
her life. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I felt as though my tie to mother was severed and I was free to float
in my own direction. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     You can't go into the hospital without a knowledgable spokesman and
expect to emerge alive or unimpaired. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     While they must experience (or go through) their own death alone, for
the each individual, it is the death of their relationship they will
mourn.  Everyone's relationship with that person is different so it is
highly judgemental to criticize another' s process of that death. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Mother died when she was alone in the middle of the night.  She was
not conscious but declining as her lungs filled with fluid.  We (her
daughters) had told her to go be with Dad as this was her greatest wish. 
When the nurse told her they were calling her daughters and they should be
there soon, I think on some level she knew she must "go." It must have
been difficult to leave this life and those she loved while we were all
there telling her how much we loved her.  I wonder if that temptation to
"stay" was too strong in our presence and she knew she must move on to be
with her husband.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     n/a 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I'm always a bit sad that my mother never "saw" me, never appreciated
and accepted me for me.  We each do the best we can with the tools we
have...some folks just need more tools. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I've had several dreams about my father.  The message is usually that
"everything is okay, he's where he should be, and he's always with me." 
If I could "connect" with my mother I'd ask her to love me for just being
me and not try to remake me into someone she thinks I should be. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     That was a mess with regard to my mother's things.  She'd been in the
early stages of senile dementia and "changed her mind" about who-was-
to-get-what about three years before her death.  The sister who wound up
with most of the "stuff" keeps reiterating "That's the way Mom wanted it." 
I don't know what steps could have been taken to avoid what happened.  At
what point was Mother no longer capable of making cognizant decisions? 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     My own death doesn't bother me or scare me.  I dislike seeing the
toll time takes and the gradual deterioration of the body and its
processes.  When I die, my time is up.  Life is about living so I'd better
do that while I can. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Both my parents were cremated.  My mom and I took his ashes to the
mountains he loved and sprinkled them by a stream where he might have
fished.  My mother's ashes reside at the roots of a tree planted in her
memory in her youngest daughter's yard. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     To enjoy the moment! After all we don't know how many there will be
and that's where we always are...in that moment. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     Our life time is limited.  He'd been ill for several years and I
think chemotherapy is not a cure it only extends the death from the
inevitable (cancer).  This was 20+ years ago and chemo has come a long way
since then. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 
      

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Sometimes seeing something in writing somehow helps concretize
beliefs and ground scenarios in reality. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     For me it is important to understand and be realistic about
relationships.  I think we are each individuals and because of genetics
should be not confined to damaging relationships because of unwritten
social rules.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that each relationship we
share with another is subject to change as we each go through our life
processes. Perhaps it might be helpful to ask about the depth and breadth
of that relationship. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Oct 13 17:01:01 1997
F25 in , Ontario =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Receptionist 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 11 months ago.
Cause of Death: hunting accident;  Aged: 20.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      The ending of the persons visible life and breathing.  You can no
longer touch them, talk to them or be with them. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a neighbour's mother had died and it was the
first time that I had to actually go to the visitation and see a dead
body.  I was 12 and it really shook me up and made me really wonder about
life. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      Seeing the pain of the family and my boyfriend and realizing the
fact that I will never see that person or be with that person again.  That
they are not here to enjoy life as I am, breathing, talking. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I realized how truly precious life is and that we all have our time
here on this earth for however long and we should make the most of it and
have no regrets.  Live each moment as if it were you're last because it
may very well be. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Myself and being at peace with the world, although I had books that
did make me realize a lot.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Is the fact that I won't see them again or talk to them and I miss
them. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I just don't understand why they were taken away from us.  Why aren't
they still here to grow and enjoy life? 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Die too and be with them. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I wonder often when it is that I will die.  Will many people be at my
funeral.  I am somewhat afraid to die but my belief in heaven is a strong
one and I do believe it will be a peaceful and wonderful experience but I
wonder how I will cope with miss ing my friends and family although I feel
I will be reunited with friends and family that have died before me.  It
is strange and a little scary because it is unknown.  But I suppose there
is no choice, when your time has come then it has come.  That is w hy you
should try to make the very best of your each and every living day. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     Books, talking to people and friends

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Death and dying confuses me.  It angers me and it is so unknown.  I
wonder if I will ever know the answers to why we certain people die so
young or so old.  Why does it always seem like it is the good that dies. 
Where do they go after life?  Will we be with them again? 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Oct 13 03:36:27 1997
F20 in Salt Lake, Utah =Us=
Name: Rebecca Williams   <daisydee-at-bigfoot.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo searching for surveys
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Prof/Studies: Student in Social Work 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: how to deal with the loss of a love 
	    Authors: depak chopra
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Chronic Illness;  Aged: 36.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
 moving out of this world into the next step.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
kept waiting for them to come home and suprise me.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My mother died when I was 14

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      the awkwardness of not know

--What I think my (Us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      the spiritual side of our r

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I've always had my mother as

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Having family and friends ar 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The years after when nobody   

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to tell them that you love t(em every chance you get and don't hold back anything because
thdre is no time for hesitation. 

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     learned to stand on my own t o feet and communicate with my mother's spirit through my heart

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was so angry at her, and then guilty for being angry becaure I know she didn't want to
leave me alone. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     spend one more day with my m

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     come out of the greiving pro"ess in one piece and find stren 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I saw her body.  They had pu 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     flowers and cards and meals 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Each new point in my life th

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would be naive and selfish

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     my mother was so young when 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     let others know that there iB a light at the end of the tunnal.  The pain dosen't go away bup
it does dull with time.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was completely stuck about h

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a huge part in the ceremony  

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     The spirit of the person comforts us after they are gone but not forever. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     the expenses of the funeral Uere covered by the life insuranAe but my father was swamped
wit^H late medical bills.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     alot of people but not too m

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     cleaning out her closest a y

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     physical signs, breakdown in

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     the process was denial, avoi 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     still 6 years later i always 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I believe that we all, inclu

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     writing letters to her, brin ing flowers to the grave, acknocledging the date of her death e

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     after using drugs and avoidance the only thing that heals these kinds of wounds is time.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 
     avoiding dealing with the emotions never made them go away they just rotted inside myself 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Oct 11 22:07:11 1997
F27 in santa monica, california =usa=
Name: carrie brumfield   <cfield-at-primenet.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: student, theatre arts 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 20 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
      the great unknown.  Of course, somewhere there is an explanation but we do not know of it. 
It is what we are most afraid of, it is what we are most threatened by, and it is what propels us
through life.  We live our lives by trying to etch our lives into history because then we are
defying death in some manner. We don't know, and what we don't understand is most frightening to
us.  Death could be just a step up into another aspect of life, but if we can't touch it, then we
are afraid. 
 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
      cried and got angry with God and could not understand, no matter how much it was explained
to me.  The fact that he was GONE made no sense whatsoever to me.  The fact that I could see him
in the casket compounded my sense of confusion....I slept through the funeral. 


--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandfather suddenly had a heart attack..  he had been at our house
that day and was fine.  He was struck with the attack while driving.  He was brought to the
hospital and I was too young to visit (7 years old).  I prayed for him three times a day behind a
chair in my bedroom.  I was angry at God for not listening to me when he died.  I was extremely
sad, yet it was never discussed beyond, "grampie is dead."  Therefore, I did not go beyond
that...but, a few years later I had a dream where I awoke in my room to noise coming from
downstairs. I went down into the living room and my grampie was sitting in a chair in a crowded
room.  He told me to sit on his lap and then he told me that he loves me and that he is watching
over me.  then he said "goodbye".  He told me he came back because he did not get to say goodbye
to me.  I was relieved the next morning.  The most interesting part of this is that my sister had
an almost identical dream. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
      I have not experienced recent death.  I have experienced the idea of it.  I know people who
have terminal cancer..but they are not dead.  They fight it.  When I think of death as a neighbor,
I look into myself and at my life and at those whom I love and I see what is lacking, seemingly. 
I see what I want.  I see what is needed.  It takes death to bring that to the surface.  Tragedy
is the only thing that makes us understand. 

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      that it is real.  It is frightening the way that my culture deals with death.  Death in
America smells like a cemetery...that is what I remember when I think of death. The process of the
funeral is so impersonal..so unindividualized.  I would prescribe a kind of two day party at the
event of each death instead of a stupid funeral or wake.  It should not be a formal
event...clothing should not be an issue.  All should be comfortable.  There should be wine and
food and much discussion of the person who has passed.  There should be a comfortable atmosphere
that allows people to cry or laugh or get angry...whatever is necessary.  The formalities should
not exist.  there is no formality in death..there is only the question of existence.  I think that
those who are most affected should get together and talk for hours about the deceased. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 

What Hindered me most in my de