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See Current contributions.
See Oct 99 contributions.
See Sep 99 contributions.
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Tue Nov 30 21:13:17 1999
F21 in Andrews, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 73.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the physical body ceases to function and dies, the soul goes
on to Hades (either Paradise or Torment)
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a teen. I had lost some relatives before, but no one I was
ever close to, and I have been lucky so far in my life because I
have not lost anyone that was extremely close to me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a young man in my youth group commited suicide.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how sad my mother and aunts were about losing their grandfather.
I hadn't been all that close to him as I got older.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
there is so much hoopla about death nowadays, and this culture
automatically assumes that everyone who dies goes to Heaven.
that's all your hear: "heshe is in a better place" Well what if
they are not??
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
memories. No one lives forever - we will die some day.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the anger, over the suicide.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I don't understand the point of buying an expensive casket that
is just going to go in the ground to hold a rotting body. So much
money for nothing....just a waste of pretty land.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
build a stronger realtionship and get to know the people who have
died in my life. Most of the relatives I have lost were not close
to me, simply because I didn't take the time to get to know them.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
but then I realize that each person on this earth has a certain
amount of time God has allowed them to live on this earth. Some
people are meant to live for 6 years, some for 20, some for 90.
We don't know how long we have, so we have to make themost out of
each moment.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Religion plays an important role for me at all times, not just
during death. IT should for everyone else too.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a Christian, a member of the Lord's church, the church of
Christ.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Idon't believe death transcends religion.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I tihnk near-deather experiences are orchestrated by Saan to make
everyone think that they will be oky when they die and do not need
to live for God while they are alive. I think it is a false sense
of security the devil provides to draw people away from the Truth.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
All I can say is that i have no fears and no doubts.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
I was angry because his body when I viewed it didn't look like him.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I didn't change any opinions or feelings I already had.
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Tue Nov 30 10:08:12 1999
F20 in Baltimore, Maryland =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Self Employed
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 1/2 years ago.
Cause of Death: Drunk Driver accident; Aged: 17.
--Details:
My friend was across town at college. Her mother and ten year old
sister were picking her up to bring her home. I was supposed to
see her at a Halloween party later that night. On the way home,
a drunk driver came over the line in the road and hit their car
head on. It instantly killed my friend. Her sister died later at
the hospital. Her mother was in a como for quite some time. I was
totally shocked when I first found out...Then I just cried and cried.
She was a very beautiful, popular, and intelligent person. I love
her and miss her very much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our individual life on Earth ends. Our bodies have the life
sucked from them, and our souls go to heaven (a place that you
can't see until you die). There we will live forever in happiness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to know what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Great Grandmother died when I was 5 years
old of brain cancer. Everyone knew that she didn't have long to
live. I don't think I quite understood what was going on...but,
I wasn't really sad. The second death was a friend of my sister's
and mine. I was 6, my friend was 10. He died of cardiac arrest in
a house fire. I was upset by this death. I think because he was
so young and I was playing with him earlier that day. His family
was extremely close to mine.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone crying in school. The teachers, students, the principal.
I remember the anouncements in class. I remember when I first
found out a few hours after it happened...when I called my friend
and she answered the phone crying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That people need time to deal with their feelings instead of going
back to work right away and using their work to help them forget
about the death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my friend was killed by the drunk driver, a lot of the kids in
my school got a big wake up call. Many stopped drinking and driving.
We started MADD organizations in my school...and her story was all
over the news. Her parents even appeared on the Montel Williams
show to get their story out.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I think praying and talking to my friends about it helped a lot.
Also, crying and hugging.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that I couldn't touch them, talk to them, see them anymore.
Also, seeing all my friends be so sad and hurt.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed when I was 5 at my great grandmother's funeral. My sister
was crying and I couldn't understand why. I did laugh out loud.
For awhile I felt horrible, but now that I think about it, I was
just a little kid.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Meet her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
She was such a terrific person. She was religous, had her life
together (she graduated a year early so that she could get a jump
start on college), and she was so sweet.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am Baptist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe that when we die our Spirits are set free from our shell
(our bodies). God has chosen for us to go to heaven with him.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Half the kids from my school were there. I also saw a lot of
teachers. Every where yout turned people were crying. There was
definitely a lot of support from the family, friends, school and
community.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
For months following my friends death I had a horrible time sleeping.
I had dreams about her and the funeral. I had nightmares where I
could see her being hit in the car. Sometimes I would wake up and
feel her presence in the room. A lot of times I would cry from
that feeling.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I was going to die very soon I would make peace with
everyone. I would make everyday a good one, no matter what I had
to do. I would also make peace with God.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I sure have. All the friends that hung out with Tara (my friend
who died) became very very close.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I gave lots of hugs. Sometimes I would just sit and hold my friends
while they cried.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that it helped me organize my thoughts a little better.
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Mon Nov 29 12:38:57 1999
F32 in picton, ontario =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
searched for surveys using Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: secretary
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 70.
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--Death Is:
a perminent state of sleep
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't sure how to react. I loved the person dearly but she was
not a relative
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my boyfriends grandma passed away. I knew
her quite well
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how upset everyone was
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not really a big deal as long as we have the memories of those
we've lost
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she is no longer suffering the pain and humiliation caused by
the desease
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief that now at least she was not in pain.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no one wants to talk about it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't miss the opportunity to let the person know how you feel.
I missed it and have always wondered if she knew how i really felt
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
doctors prognosis of length of life left
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a way of releasing nervous tension
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let her know how I felt
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for the rest of the family
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the decorations in the funeral home. Who really looks at the decor.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see something that reminds me of her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
my daughters would know and enjoy hearing my grandma tell stories
of the old country
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she never got to see her great grand child
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't understand why but felt ther had to be a reason
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did the best they could do, but without a cure for cancer
there wasn't much anyone could do but make her comfortable
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
none involved
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
I believe that there is a God, but I don't believe that a church
or minister can get me closer to him. I speak to him when I need
to I don't need a mediator to talk to God
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone wanted to be paid first with no feeling toward our loss
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the gathering of friends and family that couldn't even get along
when she was alive all consoled each other at her death. I found
it hipicritical
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
a detached feeling like I was watching everything from someone
elses eyes
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
drastic loss of weight, energy level down
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
she knew how I felt and we left things on a good note
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just let them know that they are thought of loved and missed
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandma has never appeared however a friend of mine does appear
in my dreams when I have a difficult decision to make, which I find
strange because this person was not a confidant he was a friend of
my husband
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
carry out their final wishes no matter what, it was there right to
go in the manner they wanted
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My own death dosen't bother me I know that we all have to die.
It does bother me about the effect it will have on my family.
To help with this I have already prearranged everything.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
in the event of sickness i think at least they aren't in pain anymore
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I make sure that everyone close to me knows how I feel about them
so if anything happens to them or me I had the chance to tell them
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just to be left alone and when I was ready to talk just be there
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that this questionair was a good one. You touched on a
very sensitive subject and did it very well
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Mon Nov 29 09:59:48 1999
F24 in Novi Sad, =Yugoslavia=
Name: Gordana
Email: <gordanab-at-rocketmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Bozic
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Illusions
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Richard Bach
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, seven years ago.
Cause of Death: shooting in the war; Aged: 26.
--Details:
He was died in Bosnian war and his parents and family never found
his body.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
terrible expirience when you can't stop to cry and think that you
never more seen that person in whole your life in this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
can't stop craying.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...He was my relative one year older than me. I
loved him very much, we spoke about everything, i was very proud
'cause I had someone like him. He was sixteen when happenned
accident in the elevator. He carried a bottle of gasoline and, I
don't know how, fire was appeared. He was in the hospital a period
of time and died...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I was lonely in spite of people around me.
--What I think my (Yugoslavia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how share emotions among people in these moments and that death is
not the end, that we will be together in the future.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
- I don't know.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just books.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I will never see him, or talk to him, or see his smile.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel next months.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I hear bad news about someone's death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
share my emotions with others.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stay alive after all and to smile.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I dreamed about someone of them or a book or a movie can recalled
me on them.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't suffer all this pain and would be happier anm more
satisfied.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that it happens to people who I love so much and who deserve
longer life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
died too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was frightened and very sad.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
beleif that they who died live their lives in the heaven and that
we will be tohether after all.
--Religious Affiliation:
Ortodox, Cristian religion.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't feel fear at all, but if I would know that I would died
soon I would very sad 'cause I didn't do a lot of things I wish.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I worked hard, studyng for exams i tried not to think about death.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I realize that in spite of a grate number of death in my life,
I don't develop appropriate coping skills.
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Sat Nov 27 11:37:10 1999
M28 in Washington, DC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Prof/Studies: Attorney
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 17.
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--Death Is:
an end of a relationship with the deceased. When the body of the
deceased stops functioning, either by natural or unnatural causes,
such as by a car accident or fire.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was numb for days, and feared crying as it would show others my
weakness, which was very taboo for my father.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my 2 and 3 year old nephews died in am
apartment fire
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the absolute feeling of despair and uselessness.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time I have been able to spend with loved ones.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a story told to me by a friend: he said that people enter our
lives when they have a specific lesson to teach us and leave once
we have learned it. Sometimes they die, sometimes they just leave
our lives. Now, whenever either event happens I sit down and think
of what that person has taught me and how I have become a better
person because of them. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it really helps
me bring meaning to my and their lives.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The funeral.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
holding their hand.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
One of my first reactions is always humor, and I tend to crack a
lot of bad jokes. Its just how I try to hang on.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
could not stop crying. I would even fall asleep while still crying
and wake up still crying. I just don't deal with death very well.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I really don't want a funeral, in the sense that a bunch of people
sit around and mourn my passing. I want a huge party, one that
surpasses all the parties and get-togethers I have had. I want
people to laugh about the good times we have all had and the good
times they have had with the others at the party. They need to be
there for each other, not me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I sing to myself when I am alone. It just helps me remind myself
how lucky I am and have been.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
After a while, I became deeply involved with my friends' problems
-- dealing with their problems helped me 1)avoid mine for a while,
and 2) put mine into perspective.
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Sat Nov 27 11:07:19 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just sounded like an interesting site
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 64.
--Details:
just sudden, i was living about 280 miles away so I couldnt be
there. When I was in college I took a class on death not thinking
anything about it. People would share stories about loved ones. I
never ever thought I would have to. You always think of your parents
as being invincible and that was the toughest thing to deal with.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of a physical life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was pretty shook up, the most memorable not including my father is
a friend of mine in high school
--That first time, how it happened was
It was the death of my father, and I was extremely involved being
the only male. It was a sudden heart attack and was terribly hard
to deal with.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I think talking about it really helped the most, my friends and
girlfriend were amazing during that time
My own attitudes, I was extremely bitter
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Fri Nov 26 19:37:48 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo search
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandpa had a heart attack.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Fri Nov 26 06:42:50 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 33 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumour; Aged: 33.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my sister died in December 1965, my mom in
January 1966 and my dad in May 1966. they all died from medical
causes - a brain tumour, bone cancer and a heartattack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that i was insensitive and uncaring and a curse on the rest of
the family which is why they were punished by this and the other
2 deaths in that family during that year
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it is good although i only skimmed through it due to time
constraints. i would like to die myself since it is better than
what i have now (nothing)
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Thu Nov 25 22:18:15 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: an infection; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
It was one of my aunts on my mother's side of the family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Tue Nov 23 22:41:42 1999
F15 in Irvine, CA =USA=
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Chicken Soup for the Soul
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Aged: 60s
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--Death Is:
When our bodies are not seen anymore, we become invisible, but our
souls are still here on earth, because our souls never die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didn't think much of it, because I wasn't close to the person and
was fairly young.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandpa died but I dealt with it, the
hardest part was that he died on Thanksgiving morning.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My father being gone on thanksgiving and the dinner staying on the
table not eaten. My dad tring to keep himself together in front of
me and my brother and sisters and telling us my grandpa had gone
to a better place.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is very accepting of death so I think I've learned death is a
natural cycle of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Knowing my grandpa was no longer in pain and would soon be in heaven.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Just crying, listening to depressing music, and later praying
every night.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just make them happy and be happy to share those last moments with
them without being selfish, think of the person dying and how they
feel which is more than your pain.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was the irony that my cousin and I had tried to get my grandpa
to quit smoking because of it causing lung cancer that could lead
to death, and now my grandpa had died of another cause. I also
laugh when I am nervous or scared.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See my grandpa more often and spend more quality time with him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The whole process of the funeral, who cares about the minor details
in a time of pain.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see my sister draw pictures of how she imagines grandpa in heaven
as an angel.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people die, but then it is a cycle of life and in order ot
live we must eventually die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was glad my grandpa was no longer in pain, but was saddened and
just remembered everything we had done the previous summer
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It helped but my praying comforted me more along with my mom.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
People are selfish and want to take everything that belonged to
the deceased, it just shouldn't be that way. I would hate to have
people roaming around my stuff when I die.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I couldn't attend the funeral, it was in another country.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Accepting that he was gone and life goes on.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I never told my grandpa I loved him which is wierd, but I don't
use the word "love" alot. But I'm sure I showed it to him with
my affection.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would accept it, but only in the end. I am selfish like other
people and want to live to see my dreams be fulfilled and my
children grow and get married. But I would thank God for allowing
me to experience life and love.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I liked the questionarre, but there should be more questions on
how we feel about death in general and our own death.
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Tue Nov 23 15:10:15 1999
F17 in Leipzig, Sachsen =Germany=
Name: Saveria
Email: <then_baalsdorf-at-t-online.de>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
stopping of physical movements in ourselves, our body stops to
continue the work that made us to US ACTUALLY IT IS JUST BECOMING
THIS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN BEFORE OUR BIRTH
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
DIDN'T CARE ABOUT IT THIS PERSON WAS GONE NOW, I CAN'T BRING HIM
BACK - THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS TO LIVE WITH IT AND SO I DID
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my brother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
MY MOM STOED TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS SINCE THIS TIME SHE KINDA
SUBPRESSED FEELINGS
--What I think my (Germany) culture needs to better learn about death is:
tHAT DEAD IS ACTUALLY SOMING THAT MAKES AN END - THAT CONCLUDES
SOMETHING IT'S LIKE HAVE BEEN READING THE LAST PAGE OF A BOOK,
OR HEARED THE LAST PITCH OF A SONG. iT FINISHS SOMETHING, SOMETHING
WE STARTED AT OUR BIRTH. aND IF WE ARE DEAD, WE CAN LOOK ABOUT OUR
LIFE AND WHAT IT IS LIKE - IN THE SAME WAY LIKE WE TALK ABOUT A BOOK
AFTER WE READ IT. wE CAN'T CHANGE DEATH, BUT WE CAN CHANGE OUR LIFE,
AND AS LONG AS WE ARE LIVING WE SHOULD NEVER FORGET THAT OUR LIFE IS
THE ONLY THING WE HAVE. aFTER DEAD IT'S TO LATE TO CHANGE ANYTHING.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
IT TAUGHT ME THAT NOTHING IS AS IMPORTANT AS LIVING AND NOTHING
MAKES YOU RICHER THAN LIVING - RICH INSIDE OF YOUR HEART. bUT SINCE
I "MET" DEATH I RECOGNIZED THAT I SHOULD TRY NOTHING ELSE THAN TO
MAKE THE BEST OF MY LIFE.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
wATCHING MOVIES AND SEE IN WHICH WAY OTHER PEOPLE UNDERSTAND DEATH
AND HANDLE WITH IT.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
tHAT THE DEATH OF A PERSON YOU LOVED OFTEN SEEMS TO KILL SOMETHING
INSIDE OF THE LIVING. jUST BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT THEIR LIFE ENDS
WITH THE LIFE OF THE OTHER PERSON. bUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT
IT ISN'T THAT WAY. iF SOMEBODY YOU LOVED DIES, YOU SHOULD TRY TO
LIVE AND TO SHOW HOW MUCH THIS PERSON GAVE YOU TO YOUR OWN LIFE.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
THE LAST DAYS OF DYING PEOPLE SHOULD BE SOMETHING SPECIAL, BECAUSE
THEY ARE THE LAST DAYS, AND WHAT MAKES A LIFE MORE WONDERFUL THAN
TO HAVE A GREAT TIME - NO MATTER IF YOU DIE TWO DAYS EARLIER OR LATER
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
DO NEVER GIVE UP - NEVER tHE DEAD PERSON WOULD NEVER AGREE YOU
HAVING A BAD TIME AND BEING DEPRESSED, LIVE WHAT YOU CAN LIVE, SHOW
THE WORLD YOU ARE, SHOW WHAT THE PERSON WHO IS DEAD NOW TAUGHT YOU =
tHAT'S THE BAET THING YOU CAN DO FOR THE PERSON WHO DIED
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
mY BROTHER WAS DEAD AND AS SOON AS SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN MY
PERSONAL LIFE I THOUGHT OF DEATH TOO, AND I WANTED TO BE DEAD TOO
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
The emotions in your head are so overwhelming - it's the same like
crying when you are very happy about something But it was good to
laugh, it makes you livins, it shows you youare still living
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him everything he was for me and thank him for everything he
did for me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
loose fear of dead and understood what it means to live, and that
i should live everything i am and everything i feel and think -
to make the best of my life, my life is more wonderful now
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Everybody hears this person died and they are sorry - they don't
have to be sorry. Death happens, and i think we shouldn't be soory
about it, we should be proud on it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
somebody is experiencing the same what i did
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Of course it is different, but it's no realitity
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Of course it is not fair that especially this person we loved has
to die - but life is never fair, it just gives us the chance to
learn about ourselves and our life again and again
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have him back and being able to talk to him and have a good time
with him
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
none
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
to find a basis in life, and if don't know how to go on you have
something you can hold to something that helps you not to give up
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Spirit is as well in living as it is in death. It doesn't matter -
everything goes on, it's like phyics or mathematics. Everything
has it's place and it's way to work, if it makes sense or not
--Regarding MONEY:
wasn't mportant
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that everybody kept on repeating what happened, but didn't thought
about going on
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
only told me not to give up and told me that i'm the one who is
still living. that i'm the one who has to go on
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If i, as a dying person, want to die than i should have the right
to. I wanna die when i want to, or death comes before i can want
it. But never keep me alive if i don't want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Don't ever dare about death, only care about life. You are not
dead why should you care about it? You are living. I want you to
be happy in the way you can. Maybe i'd be dead - how many times
earlier than you 40 years. What are 40 years in eternity. Nothing
for me, but 40 years of living for you, you should do the best of
it, only the best. I'll be waiting for you. But first you have to
finish everything you still have to do on earth
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
to hurt myself. Cutting off my skin with a knife or play Hockey
until i collapsed. No ritual
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
When i lost this person, after it i started to make as many friends
as possible. Maybe i was afraid i could loose an other one and i'd
never have somebody to talk to
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
to learn to accept what happened
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
that nobody talked about it
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
To talk, and to help them to experience something new, adventures or
doing something great - changing your life. Open your own business
or write a book or move or find new friends, do something you never
did before, but of all talk about the dead person.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I got to know a little in which way death influenced my life. And
why i'm living now in the way i'm living.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
What, do you think, can you do in your life, that you can say in
the moment you are dying "I'm ready to die"?
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Tue Nov 23 09:56:52 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
searching yahoo.com
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 0 years ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandfather was disgnosed with cancer and
he got really sick and after 5 years of treatment he died from it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Mon Nov 22 21:48:57 1999
F32 in van nuys, california =united states of america=
Name: m.heath
Email: <michelineheath-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student of business office admin
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: CANCER; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a different level of existance,we leave our physical bodies behind
and travel to anthor plane of understanding.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was crushed,because i would not have that person around to hear
them talk or laugh or tell stories.i would no longer see their face
again.death is perament.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...MY MOTHER CALLED ME FROM FLORDIA TO TELL ME
THAT MY GRANDMOTHERR DIED. SHE WAS ILL IN JULY AND DEAD BY SEPTEMBER
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being out of control.
--What I think my (united states of america) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is okay.it's just the circle becoming complete.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i had this person in my life for a long time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
drugs and booze,crying and talking
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my complete lack of control over what happend.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
n/a
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
finally let go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they told me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was pretty funny. i was thinking about monty python's flying
circus.it was the dead parrot routine.very funny.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my grandmother about the choice she made for a mate.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stop losing it and get off drugs.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the house was empty,yet still filled with her things.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who got what.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone will mention her name or i will see someone with their
grandmom.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would ask her anything and she would tell me the truth
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they told me in july she was sick and two months later she is
dead? why so quick? what was the rush?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop feeling.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for days.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
questioning god,why her and not him.
--Religious Affiliation:
i believe in the teachings of christ,i believe there is a divine
spirit guiding us.no matter what you call it.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like it is on an uncommon ground.it has power to stop life. amazing.
--Regarding MONEY:
things are still unclear.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many came.how well loved she was.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her in my dreams.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
they are not breathing,asking for a priest,asking you to stay and
hold their hand.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was hard and long.anger,rage,abandment,feelings of remose
and grief.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i was told my grandmother sat straight up in bed.looked at all of
her children,laid back down and died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i will write stories or poems about the issue.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandmother will come back in my dreams. at times she will not
say anything.other times she will look very upset. sometimes i
can smell her perfume.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
find all my lost stories,poems and paintings.once found read them
and give a monster party.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be very disappointed,i didn't do what i was suppose to do.i
do not fear death,except that it is permament.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i would paint.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
ALOT OF DRINKING,NO SLEEP
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it made me think and understand that i am healing.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
n/a
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Mon Nov 22 13:23:01 1999
F18 in , ohio =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: He was shot; Aged: 27.
--Details:
He was a drug addict and got shot by a police officer who thought
he had a gun.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to the everyday activity we take advantage of. Your heart
stops beating and you are no longer apart of the world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't believe that I would never see that person again.
I couldn't imagine that. I guess that is denial.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother of old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Looking at Chris is the casket. I didn't want to look at him
and when I did, I couldn't look away. I just started crying
uncontrolably.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People need to develop their own idea of an after-life. I don't
believe their is one but I hope their is some sort of wonderful
place you go to.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My great-grandmother was sick and had a long life and she no longer
wanted to live in pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my best friend whose grandmother had died the month before mine. We
talked about things and it made me feel better.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing they wouldn't be there for me anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
If they are in the hospitaql, no matter how painful, make sure you
go and talk to them. I didn't and I regret that. I went once and
it scared me and I didn't go back.
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I cherish what memories I had and try not to dwell on the things
I missed.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Christmas and birthdays came and my grandmother wasnt there
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Didnt happen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my grandmother in the hospital
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell her I loved her the last time I saw her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
She looked out the window with a smile on her face as she died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
???
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear stories about someone I loved.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Can't change the past. You must cope, move on, and learn.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Yes, some people I know have died young and it doesn't seem right.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Lock myself in my room for a week
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and tried not to let it show that it affected me so much.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't believe in organized religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
no affiliation
--Regarding MONEY:
It wasn't important. Her things and money were divided up equally
among the family.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I just remember crying.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I can't so I don't want to pretend.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dreamed my great-grandmother was standing near my bed. She was
covered in blood(though her death was not gory). She was angry at
me and crying. I don't know why she was mad but she scared me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd spend as much time with family and friends as possible. I get
claustrophobic thinking about dying. My heart beats fast and I have
to take in deep breaths. Its not drastic but it gets to me.I try
not to think about stuff like that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
bad dreams of her being scared about being dead.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my best friend in all circumstances.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I realized I had guilt for no reason (my dream), and I felt denial.
It made me sad and brought both pleasant and unpleasant memories
into mind.
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Sun Nov 21 22:28:06 1999
F51 in Calgary, Alberta =Canada=
Name: Jean
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 61.
--Details:
He was diagonsed with untreatable cancer on Good Friday in 1998.
He died in a Hospice in July 1999.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a frightening but inevitable part of life. Some people approach
death with a clam understanding of what will happen to them and
others feel terrible fear about the next step in their growth
as spirits.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand what happened to them.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was My favorite gradfather died on the night before
Valentines day when I was in grade 2. I was left at home under
the care of a neighbor so I wasn't really involved in what happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of love that flowed between us. That I knew that Doug
loved me and that I was there for only him.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to handle the anger and fear that accompanies death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the incredible spiritual feeling of being loved and cared for by
someone or something that was greater than anything I had ever
encountered. That everything that happened happened for a reason.
That if I needed something or someone, they or it appeared as needed.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the people in the Hospice who were there whenever anything was
needed. They brought peace, wisdom and good counsel to both of us.
They were there to guide and lead us along a very difficult road.
They made Doug's stay one of calm and peace and love. They were
awesome. Then after Doug died, there were many friends who were
there to help out.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
trying to hlep my 14 year old daughter come to terms with the fact
that her dad was taken to the hospice the day after she left on a
trip to Europe with her school. We couldn't touch base for a long
time and it was so hard not being aboe to reach her. Then when she
came home, her dad was good for the day she came home and then he
relaxed and let things take their course. It is hard for her to
live without her dad and for her not to have been here when she
could have spent the time with him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To be able to sit and hold a hand, to have nothing else to be
concerned about but being there.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
not how I but how the people at the Hospice helped us on the journey.
I know that I have deepened my spiritual belief system from this
experience. It is not related to any particular religion but to a
feeling of belonging to a larger universe where love is the major
tenant of the belief system.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I got up the morning before Doug died and I felt like I wanted to get
on with my life. That I wanted to go out and play. That it was like
the end of June and school was getting out. I knew, as a teacher,
that partings are part of life. I had been able to flood Doug with
care and love for about 10 days. He knew that I was there and that
I was just living for him at that moment. But all of a sudden,
I felt that I was kicking him out of my life. It felt terrible.
I didn't understand it until I spoke to the Chaplin at the Hospice.
She is a wise woman. She said that my feelings that were so
confused were natural and that it was a part of the letting go and
the separation process was a work. It helped to know that what I
was feeling was OK and that I wasn't trying to give Doug the boot.
It was so difficult to deal with those emotions that day.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
understand how Doug viewed his time at the hospice. If it was as
powerfully positive for him as it was for me. If he felt carried
and cared for and loved.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I am so thankful that Doug was able to be at the hospice. and that
I was able to spend all my time with him and send all the love that
I had for him bathing over him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I went in to see Doug on Friday morning and I said "I'm Here"
Doug looked at me and said, "I know you are and I AM SO VERY GLAD."
The depth of emotion in that statement was incredible. Those words
are burned into my soul and come back often to bring me comfort.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what to do about the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It is a funny thing about tears. They come in small quantities
for me but I have had only one long cry and that was during the
meditation part of a Yoga class.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that Katie, out daughter, has to live this part of her life without
her Dad. He was home with her from the time she was born and it
is so hard to have to deal with his loss for her.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and ignor all the
things that I now have to do.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I am not sure that I have arrived at that point yet. I still feel
like Doug is a part of me and my life. It feels like he is on
holidays and will come back into our lives any day. I know that
he is not going to, but I don't feel like he is gone either.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
surprise. We were stunned to hear that there was nothing that could
be done or would be done for Doug when he was diagnosed. The local
Cancer Clinic was impersonal and like a cattle market according
to Doug. It seems that we have always been led to believe that
there was nothing that the medical prefession couldn't try to fix.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
awesome. The care we received and still are at the Hospice was
incredible. We got involved when I took a program for anticipatory
loss in January. The things that I learned there helped prepare us
for many of the backward steps that Dough experienced. Like getting
the Hospital-type bed and loosing the chance to hold one another and
cuddle at night. Through the Hospice, we found a Palliative care
Doctor who was wonderful. He came to the house when we needed him
and supported Doug through the Morphene that he took. The people
at the Hospice, from the Cook to the Housekeeper to the Nurses were
so incredibly supportive that I wonder why it was so empty when we
went there. (Thank God that it was.) There care continues for my
daughter and I through many different programs and opportunities
for counselling.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
more stress. Through the good people at the Hospice, a Catholic
priest was asked to come to bless Doug and my marriage. He was a
divorced Catholic and I was protestant. The priest came and gave the
blessing for our marriage and gave Doug the blessing for the sick.
It was not the kind of thing that I thought was very meaningful.
The priest did not make eye contact with Doug and he forgot Doug's
name half way through the ritual. I wasn't impressed with the
whole process but I know that Doug was glad that it was done and
that Doug's soul needed that.
--Religious Affiliation:
I grew up Presbyterian. I am present looking for a new kind of
Affiliation as a result of the powerful experience I had at the
Hospice.
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't an issue except that Doug wouldn't spend money on things
that were unproven and that might help him.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that Doug would never believe that so many people would come to
his funeral. The neighbors, our friends and my collegues were
incredibile. Everyone was so supportive.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The intense happiness I felt while Doug was in the Hospice.
I don't know any one who has shared that experience. It was as if
my life was suspended and yet it was the most wonderful time I had
had since my daughter was born. It was so powerfully positive.
I would love to be able to have that feeling again.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
gradual slowing of activity. the motteling for the skin starting
from the feet. the pattern of breathing changing, becoming more
shallow, the mouth forming a sort of "O" shape.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was achance to let Doug know how much I loved him and that I
would always love
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I am not aware of anything like this happening for Doug.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My Dad and My Uncle both had heart attacks and were revived.
They both talked about their experiences with this.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Who would have responsibility for my care? Be sure to have the
paper work available in case an unexpected turn occurs. Make sure
that the people who will be caring for you are aware of how you
feel and what you would like done.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes this is an issue that I have thought about a lot. I am worried
about my mortality in that I have a teenaged daughter who would be
left to deal with this alone. Other than that, I think that Death
is not as frightening as it once was. Doug was serene in the way
he handled what was dealt to him and has taught me that there is
not much to fear. I think that believing as I do in a life of some
sort after death that I am not afraid.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have a set of Runes that I use regularly to help me chart my path.
They have been quite startling in the timeliness of the advice that
they give.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am keeping a grief journal. I remember to salute Doug when I go
out to dinner or have a drink.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I spoke to the Hopsice group that was coming along and told them
our story. Told them things that I thought would help them when
the time came.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have been feeling really down all weekend. I am not sure why.
This gave me a chance to relive some of the experiences that I have
had and look at them in a slightly different way agoin. It is so
important to tell people about your story and to perhaps be able to
help someone in some way. This allows one to do both those things.
Though there is no way of knowing who will hear the story or who
it will help.
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Sun Nov 21 21:12:58 1999
F18 in Schaumburg, IL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 13.
--Details:
She was a twin and I was friends with both her and her sister.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an ending to our existence. That's it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was horrified, scared, and emotionless.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandma died and I was living with her at the time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
never believing that it happened.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
If almost everyone beleives that the person goes to 'eternal bliss'
then why do they grieve so much? Or why doesn't everyone kill
themselves to be in 'eternal bliss'?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
ending up going to a Catholic school as a direct cause of my friend's
suicide. Although, I didn't have any friends in that Catholic
school, if I would have went to a public school I would have been
drugged up and pregnant. So, I guess it turned out for the best.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
listening to music. Especially Sarah Maclauchlin (sorry bout
the spelling)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
still not believing it really happened- when it happened I couldn't
cry because I didn't believe in it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Say good bye even if they are in a coma and you don't think they
can hear you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it began.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It's ok to laugh. It's just life. People die all the time.
Although it's sad, I'm sure the person would have wanted you
to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stop it before it started.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a 'good' time at the funeral. I saw people I hadn't seen
in years. I didn't realise one person could mean so much.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I touched her hand in the coffin. It was so cold and it felt fake.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The funeral mass. Church is boring. If I were dead I'd get up
and walk away (well, atleast try to).
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I pass the grave yard she's buried in.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd probably have killed myself by now. It might happen anyway.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that twins should have to come into the world together but leave
alone.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Scream. Sleep forever.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I know it happened but it doesn't feel real. Ever since that day
my life has been a dream. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm just
being honest.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community swindeled my friend's family out money. They
knew she was brain dead, yet they kept her on life support anyway.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was born a Catholic, but was brought up to be afraid of God (not
really with any definate religion) Now: I really don't know--
I believe in God, but not in organized religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't understand the question.
--Regarding MONEY:
funerals are too expensive.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was sad, but like a reunion for everyone.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Wishing it was her mother that died. I hate her because she's
crazy and won't get help. She was partially the cause.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The person seems to take on another personality completely.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am still in disbelief.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I knew her sister had dreams about her and I did later on, but none
of them were any stranger than a regular day.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nope
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I try not to think about it in that way. I probably need therapy.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That she did honestly love me and that I miss her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The dreams I had were like she never died.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to be cremated and served in a soup to the people that show
up to my funeral. Then they will each have a part of me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about my own death eveyday. I don't think there is any
reason for me to be here. No one needs me, so what's the point.
But, I'm too scared to die so I keep on living this pointless life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I try to visit her grave, but it's hard to find time for grieving
outside of my own self pity.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No. Close friendships formed, but they were dumped. I still talk
to her sister, but we aren't as close as before the death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
A hug.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me think about my friend's death in a different way.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
"Many people feel that there is something about death which
transcends religion and culture, that regardless of where we're
born, what language we speak, what religious faith we may or may
not practice, still there is common link of Spirit in all Deaths. To
me and my experience, this broader view of Spirit feels:" Re-word
this question- I don't get it.
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Sun Nov 21 17:20:25 1999
M21 in London, =England=
Name: Ash Eldritch
Email: <ash-at-biogate.com>
Web: http://WWW.biogate.com/ash
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Professional Seeker of Truth
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 38.
--Details:
She tried alternative medicine, got worse, eventually tried
radiotherapy etc., but had left it too late.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of physical awareness
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
At the moment the coffin was lowered into the furnace, I felt an
emotion I had not experienced before. Like a wrenching away of
comfortable non-involvement with death, the universe opening up to
show its vastness, against our fragile mortality. So it seemed.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died of breast cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I felt guilty because I felt nothing else. Perhaps the most vivid
memory is of the experience described above.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to overcome it, or be at peace with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Odd question.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Rationality? Detachment?
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The grief of others(?).
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the last few weeks, when my mother was close to death, but not dead.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't recall that urge.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
this is getting cheesy.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
All realities are virtual. All realities are subjective.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
No, I've never questioned the fairness. But a God who creates
self-aware beings, and then makes them mortal, is a bit of a sadist,
don'tcha think?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be immortal?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
see funeral experience above.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Nice chaps. Dab hand with a scalpel. Alternative medicine probably
needs a bit of work.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
What can you say? It's a morgue for living people. Some of them
were so pumped with drugs they might as well have been dead. It's
like we're so desperate to drag every last tiny second of life that
we can. And I'd do the same.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Yet another artificial layer of comfort around a core of emptiness,
hopelessness and fear. So maybe not such a bad thing, but for
Christ's sake we don't see reality as it is anyway, we might as
well be asleep.
--Religious Affiliation:
Was given a strict Christian upbringing, but with hippy elements
(sex, etc.) thrown into the package. Currently heading towards
nihilism.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Spirit=soul? For Soul, see answer to religion. All beings are
interconnected, branches of the same tree. Soul is awareness,
individual awareness ceases with death.
--Regarding MONEY:
Don't believe in money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
People indulging themselves in grief and sorrow, wallowing in it
like they needed it to make them feel more alive.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Er. Death is weird. Period.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When they stop breathing, moving about much, that kinda thing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
a rather vague process, I let my subconscious do most of the work.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She did actually start seeing all sorts of people. I think Jesus
phoned her at one point. It's her reality - if it was real for her,
it's real.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I've touched death. Tasted it. You need to get very stoned, and
start thinking about it. Give it a couple of hours, explore it,
try and feel it, bring yourself to the edge with images of death
and torture, and then reach out and let the universe explode around
you. That sounds quite fucked up, eh? :)
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I had issues with her. She was a dreadful mother (not her fault),
and I found her personality repellant. But that faded, and I now
think of her (although I rarely do) almost entirely objectively.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Maybe tell her I forgive her? Not that she'd know she needs
forgiving, nor that I have the right to give her my judgement,
but it might make a difference to me. Assuming I do forgive her,
that is... I'm not sure I care enough to do so.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I haven't dreamed about my mother in years. I've fantasised about
having sex with her a few times (do you find that gross? _Why_?).
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
This is getting very long.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yeah. Lots. Until recently, I had decided to become God, as the
only method to become truly immortal. Being slightly more realistic,
I am scared _shitless_ of death, and all I want from life is to be
at peace with it. I think I can do it. I will need to know myself,
intimately, right down through subconcious and chemical level. Also
need to be at peace with rest of world. Genuine yoga?
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I swear at the noises in my head until they give up and go away :)
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Er. None that I know of. I have a terror of death though - dunno
if it came from that particular experience.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
nope.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
Had no effect on me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Professional councelling (i.e. from someone intelligent with lots
of degrees, and preferably some spiritual awareness too) would have
been cool.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Thought about death too much to get much out of this.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Hows about re-focusing the questionnaire towards the person's own
death. Here's a question I haven't been able to answer: If there
was a free medical procedure whereby your brain was transferred
into a robotic body, making you effectively immortal, would you
have it done?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 20 20:46:17 1999
Anonymous Guest in edmonton, alberta =Canada=
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Prof/Studies: Legal Assistant
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More personal info:
Let me know if you got it, and yes it can be posted, I hope it
helps someone.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: at what age
How'd I do? How well
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I filled out your questionairre with very valid points and
perceptions I think, but it got cut off before i filled out the rest.
I hope you get it anyways, I was talking about the death of my
mother with brain cancer.
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Sat Nov 20 16:16:22 1999
F42 in methuen, ma =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
research on death and dying
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Prof/Studies: student
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More personal info:
I knew there had to be a purpose in my life and I got layed off
from my job of 10 yrs. 25 yrs in the same field. I did a career
change into the medical field. I was afraid of the challanges that
I might have to meet and it has all happened like this is the way
it suppose to be. and the career I choose has to do with dying
patients. I am a student at the only college that offers a course
on Kidney dialysis patient care technician.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the last dance, lessons from the light, a grace disguised, on death
& dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
lynne ann DeSpelder, george anderson, gerald sittser, elisabeth
kubler-ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 16 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pnemonia; Aged: 72.
--Details:
The last time I saw my grandmother was in the hospital. she could
hardly breathe, she had gasping breaths. and I knew she was dying
and I stayed with her for about 10 minutes and I didn't know at that
time why I left her side at such an inportant time to stay by her
side, just to go home to my boyfriend at that time and I was not a
young adult I was about 28 yrs old. I always questioned why I did
that. I felt I was selfish at that time. I to this day regret not
being with her at her time of death.I think maybe my fear of death
at that time in my life had influenced the way I acted with death
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is a transaction from which we leave our physical bodies,
but our essence(soul) goes back to were we originated from.there
is only a physical death and a new spiritual life ahead with so
much knowledge
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I really for some reason never took it seriously
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I remember as an adult death amoung close
relatives. as a child its seems like it wasn't real. no understanding
of death
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Is how really sad it is when that person is no longer around.how
much I would miss that person and the real purpose of death
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we need to grieve and let out our emotions
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the knowledge I have gained over the years. And being the best
person I can and wanting to help people that are less fortunate
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my readings of books, friends that gave me books to read. My feeling
I need a purpose in life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being for them at time of death
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
I don't think there is one certain thing that would help me deal
with death, there are many thoughts that are put into dealing with it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
due to my religious upbringing, due to the mistakes that I made in
my life, I was afraid to die.
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Fri Nov 19 20:14:35 1999
F13 in Cleveland, OH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
I wanted to look for you
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Prof/Studies: Writer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack/stroke-their not sure; Aged: 83.
--Details:
in her sleep-RIP love ya!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Powerful, and unknown.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked, but stayed calm and tried to be the strong one everyone
could lean to and i wouldnt cry myself(until i was alone).
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a bunch of different ways
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The last time i saw the person....i don't even remember her...
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
don't be afraid of it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
People are now watching over you:)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That life is so precious and beautiful.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
smile at them--or hopefully WITH them
--[My Self (impending)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned from it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when I(as in ME) was at the edge of dying and i started shaking
and got real sweaty and couldnt breath or move and all i saw was
a white light, then everything turned black.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
new that i should be happy--they're in Heaven
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
just control yourself
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Fri Nov 19 12:51:35 1999
F18 in topeka, kansas =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of physical existence. Your body ceases to function and
the energy required to operate your body is transferred out of
the physical manifestation (the body) into an abstract spiritual
manifestation.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not understand the concept of death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a profound feeling of immediate loss followed by the realization
that her death had a purpose.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is not an event that should cease to allow the LIVING to
continue on. Grieving is healthy and appropriate, but we should
embrace the transition that occurs at the end of a life as a
celebration of all that individual managed to accomplish.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the unity that occurs after the death of a loved one.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Thu Nov 18 22:47:57 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Sidhartha, 100 Years of Solitude, Demian, Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Hesse, Marquez, Camus, Sartre, Carver,
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 65?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a loss of consciousness. When your heart stops beating. The end of
life. That's it. Disentegrate into dust!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and felt confused.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died of a heart attack. my
mother told me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
family all had religious experiences
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that life is extremelly valuable, and our descions weigh the scales
of a long, long time. This is the one life we have, and we shouldn't
waste it with shitty desires.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the stories associated with death. The experiences of ghosts and
numenous experience.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
look them in the eye. and open a window when they go.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was good.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Thu Nov 18 21:48:22 1999
F21 in Lynwood, California =USA=
Name: Robin
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: N/A
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: unknown.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
undeniable and inevitable
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my great-grandmother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
she was and still is the most genuine, loving and caring woman I've
ever met or ever will meet.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know she went to the place she most definitly deserved to go to
and since she was a Christian and believed in Heaven, I know thats
where she went.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
dealing with it on my own and in my own way.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that she was no longer around, for family dinners, talking, making
more memorable memories, etc.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know that you're there and that you care and love them but
don't talk about what's going on that may be depressing for them.
Talk about what's going on in your life that's happy. For instance,
if you're in a good, exciting and loving relationship, talk about
that.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Never take anything for granted. I know that's probably a cliche
but always let them know how much you love and care and think about
them, even admire. Tell them everyday you love them. Don't let
them die feeling unloved.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I've never been confused about death. Sadly, I've always known
about death and the process, albeit many.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
She knew she was loved by all her family and friends but towards
the end I should have reminded her just how much she was appreciated
and loved. I'll always regret that.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Turn to my boyfriend for comfort. Be it just to sit there with
in silence or go out with friends, he was there for in every since
imaginable.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
At the funeral, a stranger to me but a friend to my grandmother,
came up to me and told me "I remember when you were a baby, when I
used to change your diapers. You grew up to be a beautiful woman".
For some odd reason it comforted me. I guess because my grandmother
was a part of my growing up and one of my influences.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Once again, at the funeral, the person talking. He went on and on
about absolutely nothing. Nothing about my grandmother, nothing
about death, nothing about hurting. It was ridiculous and shameful.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something about death on t.v., someone I don't even know, I
feel for the families and what they're going through. Not everyone
grows up knowing every aspect of death and they don't know how to
deal with it. It's quite sad.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that children have to die. Especially from a debilitating,
chronic disease. Children and babies shouldn't have to suffer.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
disappear, not know anything about death.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
doctors don't know everything.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
whether anyone was in bad terms or good terms with anyone else
there, it was put on a back burner and we were all there for the
same reason, to give respect to our loved one.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I cried but not that much. Not for the fact that she died but for
the fact the she wasn't here anymore. I fear death so thats not
why I was crying.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Because I am so familiar death in my own aspects, I was the rock
for everyone else. The shoulder to cry, the ear to listen, the
body to be there for quiet time, whatever it may have been for
whomever it was, I was the rock. That's how I dealt with it, it
helped me by being there for everyone else. For people who can't
be the rock, find someone who is and trust in them. Rocks are good
for anything, talking, listening, being there, whatever you're most
comfortabe doing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It just re-enforced my thinking about death. I don't avoid it,
I don't run from it and I most definitly don't fear it. I never
had and probably never will.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Perhaps you should do questionaire about how people feel or think
about death in there own rights. Not how they felt about a loved
one dying but what "they" think about or what think they're going
to do in the "after death" or they even believe in after death.
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Thu Nov 18 21:47:23 1999
F18 in oakland, Calif =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I'm actually looking for some info for a term paper, but this
looked interesting
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, yrs 6 ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 12.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my best friend died of a rare form of
leukemia
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
WOW. What a shock. (numbly)
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Natual and happens to everyone. Come to expect the unexpected
(those tragic ones)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The service
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Call once in a while.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
at the beginning and afterwards. I didn't know what was happening
and how to deal either time
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Call, visit, talk, share feelings.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get over it and talk to her family once in a while without feeling
too weird.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
At the service, I was crying really hard and her dad took me in
his arms.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
great memories between us and that hug I mentioned above
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that it could happen to someone so young and so randomly, almost
for no reason
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sincerity. I think they really tried hard to save her, but they
just didn't have the knowledge.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
pretty much nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic/buddist
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All the people
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
not knowing it was coming or any info on the disease
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Thu Nov 18 21:26:15 1999
F29 in , ill ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: infection after surgery; Aged: 62.
--Details:
I feel so cheated by the doctors who took care of my father. He
was in a very good hospital and was not given the care he should of
gotten. My family is in limbo because we don't know if it was his
time to go or if there was more that could have been done. I'm not
bitter or taking revenge against someone because my father died,
but our family doctor who was not involved in my father's care
has many questions that are unanswered and we want to know what
happened. None of the doctors can actually say how a infection
could have killed him like it did.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
exhausting and the most intense emotional rollercoaster you will
ever encounter in your life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock. I could not believe this could happen to me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My older brother who was 21 died in a
accident when I was only 12 years old. It was the most horrible
time in my life, until now. My father who I was very close to died
just 3 months ago and brought back all of those hard emotions that
I dealt with when my brother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How my children took my father's death. They were so close to him
and were a part of his everyday life. They cried and still do and
can't quite grasp the concept that he is not coming back.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Realize that everyone grieves in their own way. Don't try to tell
a person how he or she needs to act or this is what they should
be doing, let that person alone so they can work through this on
their own. Noone can grieve for you.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The dream I had of my father three days after he died. It was the
most real and beautiful dream I have ever had. I actually think
I was spiritually connected to my father in that dream and will
treasure it forever. The best gift I could have gotten in such a
hard time in my life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mother. She is always there when I need her and she knows how
I feel. She has been there,she knows.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my father lay there in the hospital bed looking so bad and
knowing he was going to die. I often can't seem to shake that image
out of my head, it was awful.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Kissing my dad goodbye. Talk to the person, let them know that
everything will be ok.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Have learned to treasure everyday that is given to you because you
never know if it is going to be your last.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw my father lying there and he looked so bad. I was scared and
just wanting someone to tell me what was really going on. Is this
how it really is when you are going to die? The doctors just could
not tell us anything.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My emotions were all messed up.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I don't have any regrets. I am grateful to my mom who called me
and told me that my dad was going to die, I raced to the hospital
and was there with him. I told him that I loved him and kissed him
goodbye before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
kiss my father goodbye and tell him that I loved him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The nurse who was on duty the night my dad was dying told us the
story of how he used to tell her all the funny jokes he knew.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Who was all around when he was dying. I can't remember who was there.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
My children ask me when is grandpa coming back. Special times we
share stir memories in me that make me cry.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would not change anything with the person I lost. I gained such a
appreciation for life when I lost my brother that I chose to spend
time everyday with my parents and involve them in every aspect of
my life. My children saw them everyday and my parents took them
places all the time. I would not change a thing.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That I have had so much death in my life at such a young age.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Ride off into the sunset and find some peace. Grieving is such
hard work.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. I did not really cry until about 3 months after my father
died. I was in shock for that long of time. now I seem to weep
almost everday.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The grief support groups seem to be the most helpful.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Finding some reassurance that are loved one had passed on to heaven
and would be ok.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the ever presence of someone around you and looking after you.
--Regarding MONEY:
How my mother was going to divide my fathers assets up between all
of the children.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people really cared for my father and the overwhelming
support we got from them.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Wondering if my father knew we were not with him.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was not aware of this because my fathers death came so sudden.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with my father. We were very close
and I shared everything with him. I guess I am blessed to have
this because i know alot of family members who feel that they just
didn't get to say how much they really did care. I'm fortunate to
have been able to tell him and share my family with him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my father that I love him so much and that I will
never forget him, and that everything he ever taught me I will
carry with me for the rest of my life. I am so glad he was my dad
and the grandpa to my children.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Three days after my father died I had the most vivid and real dream
that i have ever had. My father was sitting in a chair in my kitchen
and I was bent down before him, I remember telling him how much i
missed him and he held me and said he was fine. He told me that he
loved me and that I had to go on with my life. I remember waking up
from this dream and feeling a sense of peace flow over my body. It
was so strange. Every color in the dream was so real and his face
was just how I remembered it. It was a wonderful dream.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I do not want to be kept on life support.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not ready to die yet. I have three young children and I worry
about who will take care of them when they are gone. My husband
works alot and I just want to be there for my children. If death
comes to me I know I will have my dad and brother and two children
I lost waiting for me when I get there.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My mom and I wanted a special tombstone for my father. We didn't
want what everyone else has for their loved ones. We are from a
small town so we went out to all of the old cemeteries we could
find and searched for an old tombstone that we liked and then had
the monument company make a replica of it. Some people found this
odd, but for me and my mom it gave us time together and showed us
that there were other people in the world who have been through
what we are going through.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I think that you should listen to yourself and do what you think
will help you survive this terrible time. I don't mean doing harmful
things to yourself, but try to find one thing out of a day that
brings you some happiness into your life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
Having people tell you that they know how you feel, unless they
have experienced a significant loss like you have then they don't
know how you feel. Another comment is Oh! You should be over this
by now. That is so insensitive.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My husband has not experienced death in his life like I have. He
has been very sensitive but just doesn't know how to help me,
I wish he did.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I really enjoyed filling out this questionnaire. It helped me think
of things I never thought of, and recall things that still to this
day make me cry, but that's ok. Crying is good.
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Thu Nov 18 12:20:36 1999
F54 in ]mckenzie, tn. =caroll=
Name: judy haag
Email: <judyintenn-at-webtv.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: disabled
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandfather died of cancer,and the funural
director was very good about answering childish questions.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
when my son died i was devistated,when my husband died he taught
me things.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
not being prepared
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Thu Nov 18 08:08:08 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
final, and universal, sad but comforting if you believe in God,
but unsettling if you do not.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my grandmother who was in her eighties.
She had a lot of health problems due to her age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
all of the things that mattered in this persons life. The things
that mattered most to her was that children knew about God.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can happen to anyone, at anytime.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that this person that just recently died was going to get
a very big reward in heaven.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
This person meant a lot to a lot of people. We never would have
thought God would take such a wonderful person away from us so soon.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
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Thu Nov 18 02:54:36 1999
F18 in London, =England=
Name: Lucy
Email: <Lucy_Meg-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
in yahoo, under surveys & polls
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Leukemia; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought that when my dad told me about my grandfather, i thought
he was joking
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandfather died in his sleep
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
her not being in the class anymore
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i felt guilty that i hadn't written to my friend in hospital the
week before and i kept putting it off saying that i would do it
next week and 2weeks after she had died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have a better friendship with her because we hadn't been getting
on very well before she became ill
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
become better friends with her and that i knew that she wanted to
apologise for what she had been saying and i really appreciated
that apology and actually liked her again
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
one by one, i could hear all my friends in the class start to break
down and cry as our teacher told us that she had died.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
sometimes i think that if she was alive, i wouldn't ever see her
because we went to different college's etc.... but with other people
in my class who i don't see, i know that there around somewhere,
but Amy isn't
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i'm grateful that someone came in to talk to us about how we felt
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i never went to see her
--Religious Affiliation:
i'm Catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was a very big church, and it was pratically all full with people.
we had a school memorial for her and my class had to sit closest
to the altar on a platform to the rest of the church and it felt
as if we were on show, and everytime someone touched somewhere near
there eyes everyone would look to see if she was crying and i don't
think it was very nice because i couldn't stop feeling that we were
on show.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i'm so happy that we forgot about our argumenets and that we were
at peace with eachother
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i remember that i did dream of Amy once or twice and when i woke
up i felt sad that it was just a dream and kind of a bit scared,
like she had visited me because i thought that because she was dead,
that was it, i would never see her again so when i rememebered i
had dreamt of her, it felt spooky
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
if i knew i was going to die soon i would feel petrified
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was good to talk about it because in some of the questions
i have never told them to anyone else before so it was nice to
finally say something about it
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Wed Nov 17 22:27:03 1999
F16 in houston, texas =united states=
Name: stacie
Email: <stacie16lee-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: highschool
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: auto immune disease; Aged: 16.
--Details:
Her body becamed dehydrated and went into shock
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
one of the most horrible things to deal with.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't now what to do, how to feel
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my best friend died of an auto immune disease
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how my life has changed, how empty I feel
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a hard thing to deal with and shouldn't just be blown off
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I had her friendship
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
church
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emptiness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them how you feel about them
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it hit me she was really gone
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her more how I felt about her and spent more time with her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with her when she passed away
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i WOULD BE HAPPY AND UNDERSTOOD AND NEVER CRY AGAIN
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
IT ISNT FAIR AT ALL AND I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
BE WITH HER AGAIN
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't know how to go on
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
THEY WERE REALLY NICE
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A WAY TO GET AWAY
--Religious Affiliation:
MORMON - CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
WHERE WERE THESE PEOPLE WHEN SHE NEEDED FRIENDS
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Tell her how much I love her and want to be with her and how much
she changed my life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My best friend came back to me in a dream and when she passed away
I went down stairs and came back and she was alive again. I then
woke up.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am ready to die and see what is on the other side!
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, I am closely bonded with her family and they are like my mom
and dad now and that is what she wanted for me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I became a volunteer at a hopital
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Wed Nov 17 15:30:50 1999
F53 in Deadwood, SD =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Just a search for grief, think it was Yahoo!
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Prof/Studies: retired
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More personal info:
Thank you, I need to know about how I cope with death and dying,
becasue I'll me doing it soon, and have had a lot of uinhealed loss!
Hope this helps! Death themes on my site!
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my dog was "put" to sleep, for biting a kid,
and I knew they killed him and he would never come back! I also
used to see dead deer hanging in garages, and roadkills!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I went off by myself and cried and pouted. Nobody knew!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
everyone else not allowing me to tlak about it and cutting me off!
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Tue Nov 16 13:48:40 1999
F19 in Asheville, North Carolina =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student - drama
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: almost 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a ceasation of existance. The end of all physical activity,
including breathing, pumping blood, etc.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not heavily affected since I was not close to the person at all.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my dog, Toby. It was pretty
emotional. My grandfather died about a year after that, but I had
only met him once, so it didn't affect me too much.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
it was such a shock. Everyone felt a lot of grief and guilt over
how they should have behaved before she died.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can be a peaceful and even good thing. It isn't always bad and
you should sometimes be happy for the person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought a new closeness to my family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
you will always think "I wish I could have told her ______ before
she died."
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it felt good for me and I'm glad that I did. I think that she
would have really understood.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let her know how much she really meant to me. And to give her the
opportunity to see how I've changed my life since her death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Christmas comes. Her death was so close to it and Christmas and her
birthday are close together. Christmas always meant Grandma to me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was healthy.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. I felt bad for myself and then was mad at myself because
I was being so selfish.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much. We found comfort in our own spirituality.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was just the family and one of her closest friends. We sprinkled
her ashes in the San Diego Bay. It was actually kind of a positive
experience for me because of the closeness and beauty of it all.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
tears and time are the only thing that help. And family.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she is always with me. I can truly feel that. She is protecting
my family. She used to always say, "There is always a parking
spot in the front". After her ceremony, we went out to eat and
sure enough, the only spot was up front! Our family has had many
close calls with danger since then and we have never felt too afraid
because we know that she is watching over us.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that we had a good relationship and am thankful for the time
that I had with her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know that I would like to cremated as she was.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
One of her good friends in San Diego has become like an honorary
member of the family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Her best friend's daughter, who was like a daughter of her own,
was having an especially difficult time. I was able to comfort
her and that comforted me at the same time.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me remember how beautiful her life was and how much I am
thankful that I knew her
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Tue Nov 16 12:29:58 1999
F32 in , Mo =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
surfing
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Prof/Studies: LPN
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 8 years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 23.
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--Death Is:
When a person or animals heart stops beating and cannot be
resusitated, they will never be able to exist on earth again as
moving breathing creatures with souls but will depending on their
beliefs will go on to another diminsion without pain and suffering
ever again and have eternal peace.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Could not understand the purpose of death and why people was placed
in the ground.
--That first time, how it happened was
My first experience with death was when I was 8 years old and my
next door neighbour who was also 8 past away with cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How shocked I was that he died. The devastation.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Afterlife and peace with God.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The thoughts of seeing my loved one again in heaven.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing them, the thought of never speaking to them again on earth
and not having time to do the things we planned.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there and be strong. Comfort them instead of them
comforting you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was a child and felt betrayed by their leaving me
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was only a form of coping
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
give him a hug and tell him how much he meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have been a part of his life and him to have been a part of mine
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have nightmares that they come back from the dead in the manner
in which they looked before burial and it's frightening.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It wasn't fair but it's a part of life
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried and cried and had dreams that they would return many
times. Eventually time healed wounds.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Alot to me, having more peace of mind
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Uncertain? I just believe God is fare to every culture and belief.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I missed it because I wasn't told untill after it was over
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How much more I loved him afterwards then before
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Deathes are different and coping would be different for each
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
My peace with God was the only thing that got me through
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have nightmares that they return mangled and zombie like. It's
frightening
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
At this point in time I feel that I can't change it so go on and
don't dwell on those things.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
How much I love them and how I'll miss them
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want them to first respect my wishes but at the same time they
have to do what they have to in order to cope.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would have a great deal of panick since I have 3 children. I
would be very upset and fearful for them and their well being
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
prayer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If someone would of just sat down and listened instead of running
from the subject.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It didn't change anything, I am now at a point of acceptance and
I can't let anything cause me to reconsider how I now feel.
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Mon Nov 15 18:37:56 1999
F19 in McMinnville, OR =USA=
Name: Maegen
Email: <missmae-at-viclink.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
was interested in calculating my time of death by current practices.
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Prof/Studies: Sales Associate
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More personal info:
Anyone with any questions about my responses throughout this
questioneer, feel free to contact me, missmae-at-viclink.com and I
will be sure to respond a.s.a.p. Thank you!
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer Of the Liver; Aged: 42.
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--Death Is:
It all happened so fast, and I was so young. I just remember how
quickly his body deteriorated and the sad yellow color of his skin,
and I remember him telling my Mom to take good care of those babies
and that he didn't want us to see him like that.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Grandfather died of Liver Cancer when I
was seven, and at nine my Mother was diagnosed with Cerrhosis of
the liver due to excessive alcohol abuse.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Didn't know quite how to take it at such a young age. I think I
grieve more now than then because I can fully understand how much
his presence meant to me and how much I miss him in my life. Age
has alot to do with how well you cope with death and the many ways
that we all greive.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not a curse or an evil force, and it is not a choice. The fact
is, from the moment we leave the comfort of our Mother's womb, we
start to die and that is just a part of life. No one person is to
blame for death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My Mother was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver 9 years ago
this month. She was told she had two years to live, it has been
9 now. Granted, she is not healthy but I have been blessed with
seven more years of being with her. Though she is dying, I still
have time to share with her when many just wish for one more day
with their terminally ill.This has been a gift to me and a wonderful,
tearjerking experience al the way down.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The way my Mother has coped with it. She has helped me grow so much
in my adolescence and even though she still chooses to drink after
all that has been said and done. I commend her for not wallowing in
self pity, she accepts what she has done with herself and tries to
make the best of each day she shares with us. And my best friend,
God knows their have been times when I never would have made it
without her. I Love You Gen!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Sometimes the dead are not physically dead, you have to watch them
deterioate slowly. You feel so helpless, helplessness and emptiness
are the hardest parts of coping with "death."
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
They know that they are dying, they don't need to har it from you,
they need you to be strong and remember them healthy and beautiful,
not sick and hurting. All they need to know is that you love them,
you'll miss them. Do not pity them. Sometimes death is a blessing
when pain is all you feel.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have lost and gained from this. Death is not always bad. Sometimes
you learn much more than you ever thought you could and you come
out of it sad, but strong and wise, and standing tall with wisdom
and love.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Other members of my family treated her like she was already dead,
they dealt with it poorly in my opinion, but I cannot judge.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Sometimes emotions get confused too. Do not feel guilty for
laughing. There will always be a rainbow after the rain.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her more often that she was and is still myheroe, that I wish
she could stick around to see her baby raise babies of her own, and
tell her that in spite of it all she was the best Mother she knew
how to be with so many ghosts in the closet. It is hard to be good
to others when you cannot see the good in yourself, but somehow she
balanced it out. I know I am and always was loved to the fullest.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hold her, stand by her when she loathed those doctor's appointments,
laugh with her, cry with her, but most of all I am thankful that
she was my Mother. No one else will ever understand me the way
that she did.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My Mother tried relentlessly to make me believe that she wasn't as
sick as i knew she was. She was always so strong. Sometimes it is
ok to lie, and let others lie of you know that that is all they have
to hold on to. Let them know that you believe that they are well,
and perhaps they will be.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
A will, we are a family. We refuse to fight over my Mother's worldly
possessions. We know in our hearts what was meant for us to have.
We'll figure it out, together, as a family. That will never tear
us apart as it has so many others.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear her throw-up, I see her hurting, that brings eality back.
When she sleeps for days and I do not see her. I et sad then,
but for the most part. I am just happy that I have had her by my
side for this long.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have been her Mother, I know that sounds hilarious. But I
wish to take her childhood nightmares away, give her the love that
she has always given me. Maybe the past wouldn't have haunted her
so and she would not have felt the need to drown it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Such a beautiful person, taken away by such an ugly substance.
In the end, only a bottle will remain. That saddens me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Give my life for hers. Make her healthy, and happy. See her
glow again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was overwhelmed with sadness, but time does heal, not mend, but heal.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I resent the fact that they will not donate a liver to a dying
alcoholic, does no one believe in change anymore?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am sorry to say that I lost touch with God some time ago but I
now that he forgives me and someday we will talk and know eachother
again.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We have all loved and lost reguardless of culture and religious
barriers, that fact will always remain.
--Regarding MONEY:
Let me just say that money is a factor of death although it should
not be.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The sadness, funerals can be overwhelming, sometimes more mournful
than necessary.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not knowing when she would leave us.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
changing of skin color, weight loss, loss of appetite, seclusion,
depression.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She felt scared and alone. It is hard to find peace within the
many horrid thoughts that accompany death.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
All of my family and loved ones are helpful and understanding.
I am thankful for that.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would want people to remember me as i am now. I would ask them
not to feel sorry for me, to treat me the same as they always have.
Love me while I am here.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Do not see their death as tragic. Do not be selfish in your own
loss. Think of them as happy and healthy in another place. I promise
you, it helps. Also, I do not recommend open-casket funerals.
That is one hell of an image to try to erase from your mind.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no, I have become somewhat of a recluse, but in a healthy way.
I am soul searching, that takes time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Searching myself, acknowledging that life would continue without
that peson, sadly enough.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that my Mother's sisters would have spent more time with her,
that hurt her, therefore it hurts me now. I didn't want anyone to
add to her pain.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a unique experience. Something new an invigorating.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Ask if there were one harsh thing said that they could take back,
what would it be. You would get some interesting, sad answers.
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Mon Nov 15 13:29:01 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searching near death experiences
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 18 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: prostate cancer; Aged: 69.
--Details:
He lived well with his cancer for about 5 yrs and only had problems
the last year (that I was aware of). He went down hill quickly
the last couple of months. It was hard to know what to do....the
doctors were not square with me about how long he had. He died one
year to the day of my mother.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A graduation...a passing over from this material plane of existance
to the spiritual plane. As much a part of life as birth. A trauma
for those left behind. Regardless of their religious beliefs. The
discarding of a body so old or diseased or damaged as to no longer
be able to suport life. A liberation for the person dying. Just
as it would be in the strange alien culture.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was sorry they were gone. I found the way we treated the dead
in the USA, embalming, covering with make-up, putting on display
bizarre and unsettling. The only comfort was in the knowledge that
the person I knew was certainly no longer with us.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother..natural causes..very old.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
To get over it...ain't none of us getting out alive. My culture
speaks of Jesus being there to catch us...of life everlasting with
our heavenly father. But they wallow in their own grief rather than
celebrating the passing over. Sometimes I guess it's hard to let
go...but we must all let go...let go of our loved ones..let go of
our lives.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The time I spent with my father before he died. He was ready and
we were able to talk. I know he's fine.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My sister and my wife and a visit to the Maine coast to view the
ocean. Very healing
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Trying to deal with those around me. They all meant well.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be strong and supportive. Remind them they are loved.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He was losing touch with life and I thought he had overdosed pain
medication. I made him go to the hospital to die. I wish I had
known how close things were. I would have stayed with him and
allowed him to die at home.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
We need to be happy, our loved ones would want it so. Celebrate the
graduation. Remember happy times and relive them with your loved
ones. Remember...God must have a hell of a sense of humor..he
made you!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
keep him at home to die with us.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get my sister here from the west coast for one last visit. I really
did not know what was going on and had to advise her. She lives
very far away.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realise how much I miss them, and what good friends we were. We
will meet again.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The church was a great help. They took care of many of the details
I wouldn't have been able to.
--Religious Affiliation:
Congregationalist Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Regardless of your religon or lack of religon, regardless of what
you call your God, regardless of what planet or universe you are
from, there is one creative life force and it created all. Even You!
--Regarding MONEY:
I didn't matter
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
It's hard to know...doctors don't like giving you a date with
death...the drugs hide many of the symptoms. Make your peace early,
say all that you feel early, be sure to let them know they are
loved and if possible, leave nothing unsaid.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Put as much of it as possible behind, think pleasant thoughts and
send your loved ones good vibes. They are with you always.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I only hope to die with as much dignity as my father. When my
time comes I hope to be surrounded by loved ones. I want to be
cremated. I want all who can attend to have a hell of a party on
me, and then in a private ceramony, have my ashes flung from the
mountain top....with a seaward wind.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I believe it to be a passing over. Graduation!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
My thinking of the after life and graduation, others only thinking
of grief and death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 14 21:43:39 1999
F21 in Boise, ID =USA=
Name: Julie
Email: <juliski-at-micron.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accidental overdose; Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
variant upon each person's own belief system. One may believe the
death signifies that the deceased has gone to become a guardian
angel, while another may believe in reincarnation, where souls go
on to live in another being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a child, and my mother died. I refused to accept it which made
the blow even harder once it sunk in. I felt an immense amount
of guilt.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother died when i was 11. My dad and
step-mother sat us down and told us they received the phone call. My
mother died miles away of an accidental overdose.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my step-mother telling me for years how my mother killed herself.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that they(the deceased) can see you cry and feel your sadness. Death
isn't an end. It's a beginning.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my growth and my strength.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own personal belief in God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the irrational fear of abandonment.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know it's okay....
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
went on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i saw my mother's body at the funeral. It didn't "look" like her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a sort od defense mechanism
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much i loved her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go on.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i knew my mother was still watching over me.juliski78
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who came and who didn't.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear a song that reminds me of her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i probably wouldn't be married and i definitely wouldn't be the
person i am now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she should die and i should live.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. Simple as that. Cried and cried and cried till I couldn't
keep my eyes open.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they should have gotten to her sooner.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
church helped.
--Religious Affiliation:
non-denominational....i have my own beliefs.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i agree completely.
--Regarding MONEY:
things were divided, not that it was an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how my jerk of a step-father cried
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my other's lifeless body.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
willingness to go
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
sadness was evident
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i don't know that there were these signs
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i will just never know on some things.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i found a lullaby to sing to my babies.....and shared it with my
aunt, who told me my mother used to sing the very same lullaby to
herself as a child.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
n/a
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
n/a
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
asking my mom to forgive me
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i became closer with my cousin
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just some support
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it simply made me reflect on myself
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
nope, you're good.
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Sun Nov 14 18:50:46 1999
F28 in GRANITE CITY, IL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
Prof/Studies: THEATRICAL LIGHTING DESIGNER
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 6 MONTHS. ago.
Cause of Death: BRAIN HEMORAGE; Aged: 76.
--Details:
MY UNCLE WENT IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A MINOR SURGEURY. HE NEVER CAME
HOME. HE WAS FINE ONE DAY AND THE NEXT DAY IN A COMMA WHICH HE
WOULD NEVER RETURN FROM
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
THE END OF THIS MORTAL BODY AND THE GOING ON OF OUR SPIRIT TO EITHER
HEAVEN OR HELL
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
CRIED ANF THEN WAS NUMB FOR DAYS.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... MY GREAT GRANDMOTHER DIED.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
THE FAMILY COMING TOGETHER AND HOW BECASUE OF MY BUSY WORK SCHEDULE
I DID NOT GET TO SEE HIM THE LAST FAMILY HOLIDAY. I ELT LIKE I
HAD CHOSEN WORK OF MY FAMILY AND THAT REALLY GOT TO ME
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
THEY WAY THEY LIVE THIS LIFE AND THE CHOICES THAT MAKE OR DON'T
MAKE WILL EFFECT THEM ETERNALLY
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
WHEN THE FANILY RALLYS TOGETHER AND RELIVES MEMORIES, SOME FROM
BEFOR EYOU WERE BORN. AND YOU RECONNECT WITH THEM ON A DEEPWE MORE
REAL LEVEL
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY PERSONAL WALK WITH GOD. IT GOT NE THROUGH THE TOUGHEST SPOTS
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
KNOWING I WOULDNT GET TO SHARE LIFE WITH THEM THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN
AND THOUGH IT MAYNOT SEEM LONG TO THEM.. IT SEEMS LONG IN HUMAN YEARS
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
LET THEM KOW YOU ARE THERE. THAT YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT THOUGH
YOU WILL MISS THEM THAT GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
THE FUNERAL WAS OVER. I WASN'T SURE IF I WAS READY TO STOP
GRIEVEING. IT WAS ON AND OFF FOR NEARLY A MONTH
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
SEE HIM THE CHRISTMAS BEFORE HE DIES AND GO BACK TO THE THANKSGINVING
BEFORE AND LISTEN TO A STORY HE STARTED TO TELL ME AND NEVER FINISHED
BECASUE EVERYONE STARTED ASKING ME ABOUT MY JOB. I REGRET THAT TO
THIS DAY.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
COUNT ON MY HUSBAND FOR LOVING SUPPORT AND SOLID COUNSIL
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT NOT SPENDING MORE TIME WITH HIM WHILE HE WAS HERE
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I DON NOT THINK THINGS WOULD HAVE CHANGED. SINCE HE DIED I HAVE
QUICK MY ALL CONSUMING JOB AND SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY LOVED
ONES. ESPECIALLY THE OLDER ONES.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
GRADITUDE. THE ICU NURSES WERE THE BEST
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
EVERYTHING. IT MEANT THAT MY UNCLE WENT TO HEAVEN AND THOUGH WE
GRIEVED GOD TOOK CARE OF US
--Religious Affiliation:
CHRISTIAN NON-DENOMINATIONAL
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
TRUE, THERE IS A COMMON LINK, WE WILL SEE GOD WE WILL BE JUDGED
AND WE WILL EITHER SPEND ETERNITY IN HEAVEN OR HELL
--Regarding MONEY:
NONE THAT I CAN THINK OF
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
HOW EVERYONE LOVED HIM AND MISSED HIM AND WILL REMEMBER HIM FONDLY
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
RETURNING TO WORK. I DIDN'T WANT THE SYMPATHY O MY EMPLOYER, WHICH
IS A CHURCH, I WAS BLAMING THEM PARTLY FOR MY LACK OF SEEING HIM
BEFORE HE DIED
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
NONE
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I WANT IT TO BE CELEBRATION. NO BLACK. LOTS OF UPBEAT SONGS AND
GOOD MEMEORIES. GRIEVIENG YES BECASUE IT HELPS BUT I WANT THEM TO
KNOW I AM IN A BETTER PLACE WAITING FOR THEM
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
LOTS OF PRAYER AND KNOWING THAT THE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO ARE CHRISTIANS
WILL BE WITH JESUS
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
I WAS YOUNG AND SOME RELATIVES DIDNT ACKNOWLEDGE MY GRIEF
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Sun Nov 14 13:06:55 1999
F32 in BROOKLIN ON (WHITBY), =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, yrs4 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 62.
--Details:
to sudden
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father was diagnosed with cancer on a
monday and died on friday of the same week after i was told the
the night before he had at least six months
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
aloneness
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Sat Nov 13 18:43:40 1999
F16 in Hutto, Texas =United States=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: High School
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: automoble accident; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the time in which we leave our earthly bodies and go to heaven or
hell. It is a sad time and something I don't like to witness when
it comes to a friend or relative
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelief
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was a friend from school. He was in a car
wreck homecoming nite and died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my dreams. It's been 2 yrs and they happen every night. First was
the dreams that I could have saved him. Then came the dreams that
others would die. I can't get over it.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't all that bad because if your a Christian like myself
than you will go to a better place.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I don't really know of anything.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and my boyfriend Michael. Without them I couldn't have
coped with it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the dreams and nightmares of losing others.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i didn't ever laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to have gotten to say goodbye.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I looked in the casket at his body.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
end it all. Ya know? just get life over with.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot.
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Telling people how much I truely care for them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I were to dye I'd want everyone to know how I truely feel
about them all. That I love them all more than anything else on
this earth.`
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Fri Nov 12 13:03:24 1999
F40 in , iowa ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: office manger, computer tech,trainer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: caner; Aged: 33.
--Details:
She was given 4 - 6 months to live w/ breast cancer and lived 4 years
to do strong frame of mind. Even though I have lived through mother
w/ cancer death, father - death mother & father inlaws & brother
inlaw suicide this was hard but because she had a nature similar to
a 14 & 15 year (she was not slow) she just knew how to get people
to protect her and provide for her do to our earlier experience
with our parents death so it felt like losing a child not a sibling
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
loss of something we love and care for. Never to see that person
again in the human life form or to be able to interact, express,
touch them and feel the same in return.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
"This would be my mother & fathers death a 18" I thought world was
going to end. Life was for everyone else but me. Nothing seem to
relate to be I was different and could relate or have anyone relate
to my feeling back. Deep, and profound greif, guilt and fear.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... uncle who i never new died, did not affect
me except seeing mother crying the first and only time did
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
That her life short she touched a lot of people by her actions.
She was very giving and is still remembered for it. After her
death I divorce my loser x of 13 years lost 30 pounds and spent
more time on my talents and concerns.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
change, the soul continues. Understand that the person we loved
is still in existence just not in our spere of reality. Also it
is important to address problems that we may have with each other
in life ot they can haut the survivor. We need to remember to live
more in the moment and not to think that I't will go away or I'l
do that when we get old. Make sure you reach out to all with your
feelings especially the good ones. Life time is long time to regret.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have a way to reach people who are going through/ or have gone
through a loss. Especially terminal ill situations. When I have
some one who has or is in the middle of all this loss. I can comfort
them and express to them words that help them understand they are
not alone this also gives me some healing with all of my losses
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My faith. And few good freinds who would just listen.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
See them suffer.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to what they worry about help them with any concerns of
undone /uncompleted issues. also reasure them that they will not
be forgotten or unloved in the future.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
grew became emotionaly stronger, better, whole person
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
never confused
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that it was one of the greatest release, but the mortician was
comment "You my not of been close...." was not nice
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell them I loved them very much and how special they were to me
and will be to me in my life to come
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stuck to my principal when the world was falling apart around me
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
kindness of strangers or those distant to me
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
flowers, cards, and the trival comment "I'm so sorry for your loss"
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch movies with death
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would shallow some what insesitive, and make more money with
the fact that i would have gotten a lot more education and job
oportunities.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i lost both my parents at the age of 18 when most kids where
getting a car, I'ts not fair that I was not able to persue a
college education because approxiametly every three years some
close was dying. And somebody had to put it all back together.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I could see here you deal with this for awhile and see how far you
would get with your accomplishments.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
greif copeing, cried, withdrew to deal with my loss
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Why go to doctor at all
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The first one was and allways will the most, i repeat the most
painful insentive experience in my life. The last one i found the
staff gave me comfort and caring.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My church sent us a bill for my mothers funeral even though my
parents belong to twenty years. They called us every year after
there death ( my parents died 3 days apart) for a donation but
never came to check on us. When I became active a church I shared
this expereice, they said the appropriate, i so sorry..., but when
my inlaw mother, father, brother died in a period of 4 years they
repeated there actions, When my sister died i had noithing to do
with the church is still - my faith is still strong if not stronger
--Religious Affiliation:
methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
no comment
--Regarding MONEY:
there was a the smell of money and those who could grapped it a ran.
family and bill collectors...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my sister was was wounder it was a healing, my parents was at the
church and minister got my mothers name wrong....
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how hollow i knew i would have this great greif but i was so numb
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
mostly appearance and frame of mind, people in attenance,
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i not sure of this question and the one above, but i think what
you looking for is how to cope and understand that death is about
to occur
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was only in attendance when my father died. all the others.
I was driving my father to the hospital his health was not good, and
I had a strange feeling that he was looking down on me from above.
I turned to my sister and told her dad was dead. My older sister
had share that when my little sister died she seem to seeing mom &
dad waiting for her
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I had/have many issues with my parents. They really goofed
raising me. I know I have a lot of anger with things that they did.
but i have learned that i will one day have to look them in the eye.
So pray for understanding and perspective. and try not dwell on the
negative. It's hard to grant forgiveness when it's not being asked
for, I know most of there actions where not meant to be hurtful buy
it is hard not be able to vent at them and then move on. I know
that when my children are that age i might see things differently
so i am waiting. and praying that gods lets me stay around to see
my grandchildren. I have not many anyone who has any understanding
on this so i keep it to my self most to the time or speak with a
trusted freind when i need to.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I use to have a lot of greif dreams about my mother, and acceptance
dreams about my father. He did not aprove of my youthful ways.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My parents died during labor day weekend. My little sister and I
where raised as twins in many was... but grew apart after the death
of my parents. After my sister had died. I was a beatiful labor
day weekend 3 or 4 years after here death. i was in the car with my
kids thinking of mom and dad and her. My sister had a noticeable
limp and dressed different to say the least. And there was this
person, short, dress just like my sister waking on the side walk,
when i looked in the mirror "because of the similarity" she had
a limp." i went to turn and go around the block it took about five
minutes the person was gone. right after my mom and dad died
i was driving it was busy i had just gotten off the bridge and i
started to cry. beacuse ???? and these 2 big, beautifyl buterflies
just flutters over to my car and hung there for a minute while a
was at the red light. I felt this was god telling me that they
were still around. By the was i have never seen a monarch that
big ever again nor i that area of town this was 21 years agothat
it happen My sister had a memorial cancer bike ride named
after her. I rode in it. the second year they where the 3 hawks
that just kind hung out with me when know one else was with me (
i had several freinds who always came to the ride)
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
if you don't plan it yourself your may get the the surviving
party chooses for you.... My older sister would say so what she
dead........
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Since just about all my family is on the other side, i am not in to
much fear, i would prefer not to suffer, such as in a cancer death,
i worry alot about leaveing my kids alone
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
exercise, gardening lots, painting or changing my surroundings
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
they are now used to help with high stress especially the exercise
and gardening. The painting and changing my surrings is more of
expression of happyness now
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my best freind from high school was formed this way. When stayed
in touch for years. But the freindship ended up being onesided so
it is no longer there.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
i was to young to understand death finality - but i was concern
about my mother
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
it this small act of strangers that always seems to help me.
i find most people insensitive to the depth of the situation.
and after a while it got hard not be rude back to there insentivity
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
well now that i have just sat and shared my most painful moments
with you. I was leaving for the day. when i came across this
i hope that some of my insight will help others i hope that my
negativity towards the end of your survey does not lable me as mean.
I am consider a tough/strong person, but people are drawn to me
because i say what i think especially the good. I know that people
need to know how much the a appreciated and loved by others.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
there are two that i noted i did not understand your point of
the question
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Fri Nov 12 09:35:07 1999
F42 in Palo Alto, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Database at work
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Prof/Studies: Administrative
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 48.
--Details:
My uncle was an alcoholic. He was drinking with some homeless
people on a boat when there was an altercation and one of "them"
pushed him off the boat. He couldn't swim and drown. They then
pulled him into a rowboat and moved it away from their boat, where
he was found two days later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a leaving of the physical body and this plane of existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
knew intuitively that it had occurred, but was very sad nonetheless.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died when I was 10 after having
had a series of strokes. He was a Christian Scientist and refused
medical treatment. While waiting for a CS Practitioner to work with
him, a final stroke killed him.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how other family members wanted to get revenge and how that upset me.
Uncle's life wasn't very quality toward the end and I looked at
death for him as a release.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that physical death is not an ending at all, but merely a continuum
of the circle of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it often makes people re-evaluate their responses to the person
who died. In other words, they often realize that some of their
anger toward him or their refusal to accept him into their lives
was petty and/or erroneous.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My underlying belief system.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The bitterness and vengeance feelings of those around me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just BE THERE! Examine whether your actions toward all people are
trivial. Not knowing when we're going, or when anyone else is going,
should encourage us to live in the moment.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye and let him know I loved him. But I do think that
he knew.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Attend both the rosary and funeral services.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was saddened and missed the personality greatly.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I come from a meditative Christian Science/Unity background
which emphasizes the circle of life. My SO comes from a Catholic
background and I honestly think that they believe that Uncle may
be in Hell.
--Religious Affiliation:
Currently - Unity; in the past - Christian Science.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Exactly right.
--Regarding MONEY:
All the family members insisted on an extravagant, open casket
funeral (I wanted a cremation & memorial service) and then they
all bitched about the cost.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How loved Uncle was.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
During the viewing phase, Uncle began to "leak" embalming fluid.
It seemed so undignified.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Giving up on life mentally.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just that I'm glad he's at peace and I'm really glad that he was
in my life.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A living will wherein I specify under what conditions I would want
or not want life support. A regular will to avoid taxes for my heir.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not rushing toward it, but I accept its inevitability and I'm
not scared. I'd rather not linger in pain, but I'm OK with the
final result.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I prayed and meditated on our relationship privately for about a
week after we first learned of the death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried to give positive feedback and eliminate the negative mode
that would have led to a revenge scenario.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good to recall. I think it would be very valuable indeed,
if the death had been more recent.
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Fri Nov 12 08:21:22 1999
F14 in bournemouth, =united kingdom=
Name: hayley griffith
Email: <my_life_is-at-muchadoaboutnothing.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student. Year 10
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1-ish ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 76.
--Details:
slow and nasty
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--Death Is:
the ending of life, activity and being
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't deal with it very well
--That first time, how it happened was
relative funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the funeral and seeing my grandad cry about her
--What I think my (united kingdom) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it stops all pain for good
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
solitude..and my dog
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
living without them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
um...don't know
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
think that you should fight it for as long as possible but never
ever give in!! :)
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first found out
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started crying all over again
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Fri Nov 12 00:47:56 1999
F20 in , IA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Womens Studies major
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More personal info:
it would be nice to get a personal response. so I don't feel silly
for answering a computer!
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none I am currently looking
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Bone Cancer; Aged: 11 or 12.
--Details:
it was very frightening, but I was not present actually when he
died, my parents said that he called them into the room and said
bascially "mom dad I love you I have to go now, bye" and he closed
his eyes and that was it. When my mother told me I had no idea
what death ment, because I didn't even know what the word ment,
(I had never had a pet a bug or family member pass away before)
It is only recently that I remember the funeral and it was very
tramatic. I remeber I walked up to the coffin and stood on a stool
like thing to see my brother, when I saw his eyes closed I thought
he was asleep and I decided to wake him up to tell him what was
going on, so I reached down and touched him. He was ice cold and
I shreeked lurched onto a person and started to pull thier hair out
and pound on them screaming. They apparently had to pull me off of
the person and get someone to take me home. Q
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
To me a frightening experience that no one really knows is about. Our
bodies stop functioning and no one knows what happens to us. Its
horrible and scary bascially.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had a break down and repressed the memory for 15 years.
--That first time, how it happened was
My brother was sick with bone cancer and I after a series of
amputations and horrible health problems he passed away at the age
of 11 or 12 when I was about 5 years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
all of the bizarre behaviors I took on as a child. I was obsessed
with illnesses I thought I had, I acted out death scenes with
dolls, I began to obsess with my ineviatable death, toy with the
idea of suicide, but chicken out in the end because of my fears of
the unknown or eternal hell.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't know, because I am frightened of death, yet often I think
of suicide.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i can not say one thing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
recently my fiancee's elderly mother who has an extremely positive
view on death, she is helping me sort of fear it less, but not
completely!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
learning the reality of existence stoping, of it being ineviatable
and real, and of it being a void of unknown I suppose
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
n/a
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have been effected so greatly by it, and how children can be
traumatized by the whole thing
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
what happened after the person died
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my brother I loved him, and that no matter what happened when
he died, my deepest wish in this world was that it would be all
okay after he died and we would meet again.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
n/a
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i obsess over it
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I still belive sometime that it was a mistake that I was the one
who lived, I belive that sometimes, I was supposed to get sick,
some divine plans got screwed up, because my brother was so much
a better person than me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not die, not live, some other alternative!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had a panic attack
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical community is heartless and only concerned with cases
and not people.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it was a horrifying place full of the stuff nightmares are made of
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
for me it means terror, it constantly puts me at odds with other
ideas I have
--Religious Affiliation:
Fundenmental was the past (specifically assembly of god, freinds
of teh Chrisitan coalition)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I have no idea
--Regarding MONEY:
my parents went bankrupt for all the medical expenses it took to
delay my brothers death, sometimes I think it was pointless
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was terrified
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I dont' know
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my brother looked past my parents at someone or something before
he died smiled at them/it and then told my parents he had to go
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I dont' know
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I dont remeber much about us
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
no I was not that I recall, but I do not recall everything from it
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my fiancees sister recently went to her grandfathers funeral,
although she did not know her grandfather (she went with her mother
for her mothers sake) she said the strangest thing happened--
that she felt a shiver go down her from her head to her toes and
she could swear that she felt her freind steven (who had a couple
of years earlier died of AIDS) sitting next to her
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I dont' know
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
YES! I think its evident from the other questions!!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i haven't come to that yet
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I haven't come to that yet
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
maybe repressiong, it wasn't until recently (at the age of 20)
that I have been remembering much about the funeral. I have always
to as far as my memory can tell me have had an obsession with death
and TERRIBLE fear of it also.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
also, my parents were basically fundemental christians and it was
very hard for me to deal with death because of the strick code of
heaven and hell rules they believed/belive in
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I dont' know
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it helps me deal with things when I am able to talk about them,
even if it is to a lifeless screen
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no not really
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Thu Nov 11 21:48:21 1999
M28 in Kansas City, MO =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo under Online Psychological Experiments
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 4 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: mid to late 40's.
--Details:
she had psychological disorders. Her meds were switched with bad
side effects. Believe it or not, her boyfriend rode into their
Arizona town of residence with Auntie's ashes strapped to the front
of his Harley.
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't care.
--That first time, how it happened was
My real father had already died as did my grandfather but I didn't
know my real pop and Grandpa held on for much longer than anyone
expected so my first "tangible" experience with death was the death
of my aunt, whom committed suicide.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
memories of childhood with her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's a celebration of an entrance into another phase of existence.
Either for the deceased, or, if you don't believe the spirit travels
on, for the bereaved.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The perspective that life cannot be taken for granted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Time and memories.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that she was a closer person to me than people
physically closer to me than her.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
write her more often and let her know how I loved her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accepted it and found joy in the lessons it taught me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
Drinking more heavily for a time and going out on lone walks
at night. Started smoking for awhile too and wrote poetry.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
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Thu Nov 11 20:35:01 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
The expiration of our perishible bodies
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked at the injustice of life
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
knowing with overwhelming dread that I would die, too
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When I found out my grandfather had a bowel obstruction AND a heart
irregularity AND a brain tumor, I had to laugh -- we just thought
he was feeling "not himself", but the disastrous diagnoses just
kept piling up. Then of course I felt awful about it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Introduce my grandfather to my boyfriend -- they remind me of each
other so much, and I told them both so, but I thought there was no
rush to visit
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I do believe this was just a dream, but nonetheless it brought
me comfort. My best friend's fiance died suddenly after a short
illness, and I was far away. I dreamt afterwards that he sat at the
edge of my bed and just nodded at me -- no words. I woke feeling
that he had told me he was OK.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've never come to terms with it ... I have anxiety attacks about
it. I feel like nothing matters, because we're all just going to
die anyway. We all just function in constant states of denial.
It's pathetic.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Thu Nov 11 11:18:32 1999
F32 in , Georgia =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Conversations with God
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Neal Walsh
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
when the human body is dead--the body no longer works. The body
containes no life. What happens to the soul after the body is
dead is hard to explain because there are many different views on
this subject.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I never have had someone close to me die.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death should not be considered as a bad thing. To the soul, this is
the most wonderful experience there is , to be joined again with God.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
How'd I do? How well
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Wed Nov 10 14:45:04 1999
F50 in Houston, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: RN
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
How we Die and several others
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Anything written by Elizabeth Kublet Ross, Dr. Nueland
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 10+ ago.
Cause of Death: Natural causes; Aged: 80'A finals.
--Details:
A finality of the human life....but a begining of a spiritual life.
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was very young. It was one of my mother's sisters. Death at that
time of my life didn't mean a whole lot as we never talked about it.
I knew it meant someone's life was over but other than that, it
was no big deal.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was one of my mother's sisters. It was
the first funeral I was allowed to go to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was my favorite grandmother's death, and I wasn't anywhere near
her to say goodbye and tell her how much I loved her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Pain control and euthansia! Along with the dignity of the person
who is dying.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The sense of peace on the faces of the people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I understand this question but don't quite know how to respond to it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I couldn't do anything to prevent it. The death or the suffering
that went with it; by suffering, I don't mean only the physical
end of it, but also the emotional fear that goes along with it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just listen to them. If they want to talk, let them, if they don't,
just touch them and let them know you care.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
She would have loved it! She had a wonderful sense of humor!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my grandmother just how much I loved her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know her!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
This question is difficult to answer.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
There are many time I have felt this way. Why people have to die
so violently, why the very young, the people who have made such a
difference in the world...and yet there are people who themselves
are violent and they remain alive to maim and kill again. There is
no justice!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die sometimes myself.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried. Simple as that, I grieved.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
A definite need for counselors in this field! Of which, I am proud
to say, I am one!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
There is a very important need for hospice. It is here, that people
can die with dignity and comfotably without the benefit of machines
and the sterility of a hospital.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not much when I was young; but, now that I am an adult, it plays
a very real part for everybody; from the criminal who is about to
be excuted to the patient that just learned he/she has cancer or
to the parents who just learned their unborn baby has died.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am Roman Catholic.
--Regarding MONEY:
Her funeral cost way to much. Funeral homes place a monetary value
on the grief of families to see how much they can get out of the
families during this time. The more the person was loved the more
costly her funeral will be.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How somber and final it was.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The extremities get cold, wet respirations, coma, agonal breathing
etc.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I think it's healthy for people to experience the different stages if
the dying process, for they too will at some time have to experience
the dying process as well.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I wasn't there at the time to see if this happened to her, but I
truly believe this happens and have read many books on the subject
and they have given me the most deepest sense of peace about
death...that it isn't to be feared because of it's finality, but
rejoiced in the fact that your spirit will go on to a better place!
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
It hasn't happened, but I would love to hear about them. I have
alot of books pertaining to this very subject and find them most
interesting to read.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell her I loved her and say goodbye to her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It has never happened to me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
That a dying person does have rights and they should be heeded as
much the law will allow.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid to die. I feel most sorry for the people I will
leave behind, like my only child who refuses to even discuss my
eventual demise, or my twin sister, who would be crushed if anything
were to happen to me or my parents, who have feared the most of
having to see one of their own children die befor they do. But I,
myself, do not fear death. I do fear, however, the way I may die,ie:
fire, drowning, or car accident or other trauma.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Not really, but from the books I've read and the seminars I've
attended, I am not afraid of dying...what I am more afraid of is
the people I will leave behind.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
I have also attended seminars on Death and Dying as I am a health
care professional
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
As a child, I (along with my siblings) were shielded from it/
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I became a perinatal grief counselor to help mothers and fathers when
they lose their unborn child either thru miscarriage or stillbirth.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
For some reason, I am very interested in the death and dying process.
This questionnaire was interesting for me to do.
Enhancements: no
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Tue Nov 9 21:44:40 1999
F20 in , WA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 66.
--Details:
It was a pretty lang and drawn out battle with colon cancer.
I really had to be there and sensitive to my mother because it was
her mother that was dying.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
cessation of conciousness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad but really too young to really understand what had happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather passed away. I knew him pretty well eventhough we
were living in another state at the time of his death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my immediate family grew closer together but my Uncles drew further
appart.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
is that is can be a blessing, a release from pain.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that the suffering did not drag on too long.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my church.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that she would not be there to see me later on
in life.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
did not stop enjoying life and living. I did not let depression
to take over my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I learned about her possible death. I did not really comprehend
what that would mean.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
really talk with her one on one more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
express my grief during the funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the grave side service. I did not really understand it's purpose.
We had already had a memorial service, it just did not make sense
to me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would not have had the money to go to college, because her will
provided that for me. I would have her around though.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to die just at the beginning of her retirement.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
caring.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it gave me hope.
--Religious Affiliation:
LDS
--Regarding MONEY:
my uncles tried to take a way part of my cousin's inheritance out
of spite.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone had pretty normal funeral behaviou except my grandfather
(her ex husband) who politicaly campainged during it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
art really hepls you express feelings that can not be put into words.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope that she is proud of the course that my life has taken.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I should let my family know that I would want them to not let my
suffering linger on and that I want my organs donated.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I intelectually acknowledge it, but I really don't emotionally
accept the fact that I will some day die.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I grew more emotionally closer to my mother.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Listening is the best way to help with grief.
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Tue Nov 9 15:45:43 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Twin, yrs1 ago.
Cause of Death: self infliction; Aged: 21.
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- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
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Tue Nov 9 07:32:56 1999
F38 in Buffalo, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Step-parent, 27 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 39.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Is the end of our time on earth, but possibly continue onto another
passage.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was about 7 or 8
--That first time, how it happened was
My stepfather had just finished playing baseball and we had gone
to a local bar afterward. He said he felt like he was having
indigestion so decided to lie down in the back seat of our car.
He had a heart attack on the way home and died - he was 39.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How incredibly upset my mother was. Digging her heals into the
carpet and not wanting to leave.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I'm not keen with the idea of viewing the body before burial or
even the burial aspect of it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I belive in God more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Don't recall.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Most people just ignored it as if it never happened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To have spent more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have had him in my life at least for a short time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about that right before he passed he wanted to adopt me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think my life would have turned out dramatically different. There
would have been a male influence in my life to give me guidance.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That's just it - it's just not fair.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I think I was to young to understand.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good
--Regarding MONEY:
Not an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How uncontrollably upset my mother was.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I once dreamt that I met my stepfather, he played cards with us and
my nephew had to leave as my nephew was only a baby when he died.
My nephew had to leave as the situation had to be with only the
people he had in his life at the time of his death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope it's painless and this may sound strange, but I really enjoy
adventure and am thinking that that is what it will be.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I believe it is just another step in the process - we are born,
we live, then we die. There isn't anything we can do to change it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
When my stepfather passed away a neighborhood childhood friend
asked if I wanted him to die.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was okay, it sort of made me depressed.
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Tue Nov 9 05:13:10 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was at boarding school in my first term. I
was having lunch when the headmasters wife came up to me and said
when i had finished could i come and see her. when she said that i
instantly knew something was wrong at home - my first thought was
mum's dead. i was right she took me home where my little brother
was and when she left dad told us that mum had killed herself.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that my mother hasn't been there when i needed her the most, and
that she hasn't seen me grow up.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why she did it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not go to boarding school
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
life gets to me
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
broke down
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
i was 10, now i'm 17 and i still cant get over it ifeel as though
i am being punished
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
the fact that at my current school, people in my years parents are
dropping like flies
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Mon Nov 8 22:37:35 1999
F19 in Ft Worth, Texas =USA=
Name: Vivica Simons
Email: <vsimons-at-usa.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: studying social work
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: school shooting; Aged: 16.
--Details:
We were walking to class when he had to go to the bathroom.
He never came out. There was a kid in there that was going to
kill himself but ended up shooting my boyfriend in the process.
There were 4 shot that day. Only two died. My boyfriend and a
coach that was trying to stop it all.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the stage in life where all human functions end
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 11. I knew it was coming and it was easier to deal with that
way. Because I knew about it I did research on the psysiological
aspects of what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was 11 and my close Uncle died from AIDS
realated complications.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and crying and the tv interviews and the newspaper
interviews... then there was the special moment of silence every day
during daily announcements for the rest of the school year... only
to be forgotten the next August.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Make every day happy and never to regret not saying things
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
All the people I have known and died have had special things to
teach me. How to laugh at myself... how to love everyone equally.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being alone and just being able to think, remember, and cry.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loneliness and how it happened on an ordinary day
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Well my Uncle and I sang alot before he got sick... we sang to him
as he passed. It was special for everyone there.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
still remember him and keep him with me every day. I let every
day be a testiment for friendship. He was more than a boy-friend
we were bestfriends. That friendship will never die.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was not allowed to go to the school for a few days... they were
cleaning it. I needed to go and see where this horrible thing
happened.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was my boyfriend coming through me and expressing what he thought
of us all crying and moping around. He was a very happy person.
Always trying to make people laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my Boy-friend how much I loved him and how much he made
me happy. To thank him for all he did for me and taught me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
take as much time as i needed to go back to classes when I was
ready to go bock there.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was sitting in my boyfriend's funeral and a bird got into the
church... a robin. I knew things were ok with my Boyfriend... sort
of a sign of sorts.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the flowers... decide if the event is happy or sad and stick with it.
Either be happy and have flowers or cry and wear black.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I graduated without my boyfriend beside me (our lastnames were the
same so we would have sat next to eachother).
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did we even go that way through the school we never went that
way before.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was standing at my uncles burrial site when I looked at my
Grandparents. Their saddness was not visible before then.. seeing
that was so very hard for me.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
so very very very good... they helped before during and after my
uncle's death
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, my uncle was burried in a traditinal American Indian ritual
and my boy-friend was raised Wiccan.
--Religious Affiliation:
past was Lutheran, current is Pagan
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting... like so many things on earth don't really matter and
this is just another way to see it
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the entire school was at my boyfriend's funeral... very supportive
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
dressing my boyfriend up in clothes he would never wear except for
another person's funeral
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being alone helped so much more than sharing how i felt with others
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I hear my boyfriend when i meditate... like he is looking out for me
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
There is a poem that says "How will I greet they after long years?
With silence and tears" How true it is.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my boyfriend talks to me when i meditate and he shows me things
there too.... like once he made the mist i was thinking about turn
into a butterfly that morphed into a robin... like to one that got
into the church during his funeral
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have written out what i want my family to do with my remains after
i die. I told them that after they do the cermonies that THEY need
I wanted to be creamated and my ashes to be placed at the base of
a willow tree with a plaque.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel very comfortable about dying... peaceful even.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
knowing that it was going to happen also the hospice people
helped alot
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I started a reading program for 5and 6 yr olds that are HIV+ it
was called "Don's Kids" in honor of my uncle that passed on from HIV.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it really helped me to verbalize my feelings.
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Sun Nov 7 21:54:45 1999
F18 in macomb, il =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Never coming back
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't believe what had happened
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my step grandpa died of cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying, sadness, and emptiness
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that they would never again be in my presence
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The wake and afterwards
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to spend a little more time with him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with my friends and family afterwards
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
after the burial ceremony I had to use the bathroom and when I
came out they were wheeling my grandfather's casket past me and
into the back room, I kept walking
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
What I wore to the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go to his house or look at pictures of him and his dogs
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he had to die so young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cryed
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very much to the family
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
even people who did'nt know him but knew of him showed up
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Crying and memories
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Not wanting to upset others if I showed that I too was upset
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Sun Nov 7 11:57:48 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 76?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The passing of one's soul from this life as we know it to the
heavens.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very emotional.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...all four of my grandparents died of a stroke:
begininng in '95 up until '97 they passed away each eight months
apart alternating from both sides of the family.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
it gave me nightmares.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
okay and a part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have learned to spend more time with people I treasure.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my parents.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to talk to them about it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My grandpa threw a party when my grandmother died. That was his
way of escaping the time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell them I love them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see my granparents and know who they were.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandpa was picky about the color of my grandmother's casket.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the song picked to play at my grandmother's calling.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see movies that represent the atual true-to-life event.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt sick.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were able to fix problems in our house with the money left
in wills.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Sun Nov 7 11:53:07 1999
F17 in Old Orchard Beach, Maine =USA=
Name: Jessica
Email: <jessicasinging-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo search engine
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Prof/Studies: Senior in High School
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
is a pivotal change and turn in your life triggered by the passing
of another life, changes could be for the better or for the worse.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Became a different person.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my Papa(grandfather) died and I took it very
badly, but somehow I coped... My Nana(grandmother) moved in with
us and I became extremly close to her as a friend and relative,
when I was 12 she died of cancer and each day closer to her death
I would visit her in the hospital watching her deteriorate. When
she died I became severely depressed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my inner changes and my overall veiw of the world.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is of most importance to comfort the friends and family
or they may fall into a black oblivion of depression and other
negetive things.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I blossomed into who I am now, and I can look back on those
years with happiness, but still look to the future with hope. I
made it through the toughest years of my life and I survived,
I am now a much stronger person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my memories.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the depression and hopelessness that followed.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk to them relive old and dear memories with them, make them
happy in their last days with your love.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
survived a point in my life where I felt that life was pointless.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
n/a
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was in denial for a moment right then, it didn't last long.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
truely say goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live through it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the burial, it was almost like a play, something that wasn't real.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
n/a
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
n/a
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
n/a
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just go away.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had a total psychological breakdown.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing for awhile I HATED god.
--Religious Affiliation:
I between, I don't know what to belive in.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
weird, just plain weird...
--Regarding MONEY:
n/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how little people were there... it didn't seem real, it was a hazy,
feverish dream, more than a real event.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how I found myself in the process, that a part of me died also with
my Nana.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was hard, I almost didn't survive.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had dreams where Nana was telling me to hold on and not to give
up on my life.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
dreams of her talking to me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
n/a too hard to write about
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think it will come in it's own time, now I'm going on with my life,
but I still hold fast to memories.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Writing short stories and poetry, also playing the piano and guitar
and singing. Nana loved it when I sang and played the piano.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
see above
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prescription Drugs
Music, writing, and talking to a psycologist helped alot too.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Zoning Out
Depression, nonstop crying, attempting suicide
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I write and someday my stories and poems might help someone else
like they did for me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was very clensing, I got to pour out my feelings.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 7 07:50:15 1999
M20 in Minneapolis, MN =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student - psychology/statistics
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of existence for the physical body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had no idea what to think. I began to search for anwers wherever
I could (reading, thinking, asking people questions).
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father had a heart attack. His death was
unexpected and I really didn't know how to react.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how many people showed up for the funeral. My friend killed himself
which leads me to believe he didn't feel loved but there were not
enough seats in the church to hold all the people that attended
his funeral. Obviously people cared.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
not having someone try to tell me what DID happen to the person after
death. No one tried to force their meaning of life onto me. People
told me what they thought and I made my own conclusions.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
with the suicide of my friend the hardest part was seeing that he
thought his life was hopeless and that no one could help him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I were going to die the one main thing I would want to
do is made sure everyone I knew understood how I felt about them
and I would want to resolve any issues with them so that they would
better be able to deal with my death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I never really dealed with my dad's death until about 7 years after,
I was young when it happened (12) and had no real clue of how to
cope. I wrote many poems about my dad, the circumstances of his
death, things I wanted to tell him, and I cried for the first time
over his death, seven years later.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
Viewing the body made death seem so final, I much prefer to think
of it as just moving on to something different.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 6 20:47:29 1999
F38 in Baltimore, Maryland =USA=
Name: Brenda I. Bumgardner
Email: <gypsyqbu-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
The Spark "Death Test"
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Prof/Studies: Veterinary Technician
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 2 1/2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pnemonia; Aged: 67.
--Details:
Walter was very ill and depressed, I begged him to let me take him to
the hospital. He refuse, then agreed to go the next day, I think just
to get rid of me. I came to get him the next morning and he was dead.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The being leaving the body it lived in.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was devestated that I would never see or speak to that person again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...David was shott to death by street hoods for
trying to clean up the neighborhood
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much I wanted to talk about this to my best friend, how something
had pulled the rug out from under my life, how I wanted to hash
it all out with the person who knows me better than anyone and I
couldn't because it was my best friend who was dead.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To not focus so much on the tragedy, to have more emphasis on how
fortunate we were to have known this person no matter how short a
time they were here.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It made me focus more clearly on the lessons that my friend was
trying to teach me when we were together. I always think about what
he would think of me for doing this or that
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family was of little or no support. I came to realize that I
had several very good friends who would listen to me talk for hours
about how much I missed him and how I didn't know how I was going to
continue my life without someone who knew everything about me.They
assured me that I would always have them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I couldn't ever again speak to the person who was keenly
interested in every aspect of my life. Who wanted to literally
know all the details of my day. It was like everything was on hold
until I could tell him of this terrible expirience. It was like,
he was just out of town and I was waiting for him to come back. And
knowing that he never would.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Walter would have hated the minister who served at his funeral. He
had this rather thick southern accent, that Walter had strived
to shed. It was an irony that I thought he would have appreciated
us recoginizing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Call an ambulance, to force him to go to the hospital.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Trust my friend Desiree' she made sure my friends last wishes were
honored by his family when I was to weak to insist.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The police officer who came to take the report of a death outside
the hospital. She directed me to the funeral home where they send
officers fallen in the line of duty. It was a very nice place,
but I don't think most people knew how he ended up there, but it
was very important to me and I'm very gratefull to her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have a very important thing to decide or a joke I hear that I
know he would love, and then, I realize I'll never be able to ask
or tell him anything ever again.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would have moved to Kentucky where he just got a consultant
job for over 100,000 dollars a year (truely)I would have made
tasty-low-fat meals and we would have walked through the woods
every night.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That he was fine two weeks earlier and then he was gone before we
could answer so many questions.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Just hurry up and follow him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Drank heavily and smoked 3 or 4 packs of cigarettes a day. My
friends worried that I was trying to commit suicide. I felt I was
just trying to follow him. That maybe if I was quick enough I could
catch up with him
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did what they could. Walter refused to accept any more help
or treatment.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Pretty much nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was christened as a Catholic. I *Never* go to church because of
personal beliefs.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
That we all come from the same place before we're born and go to
the same place after we die. That we are here together to learn
something from each other.
--Regarding MONEY:
That Walter hadn't formaly left any money to me or his step-daughter
but would have wanted us to have something of what he left.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How he had compartmentalized his life and the people who really
mourned for him were not his relatives but his friends and
co-workers.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Meeting with his sons who had much less of a relationship with him
but had all the say about funeral arraingments.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Someone who dosn't seem to care about what appears to be obvious
physical decline.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I dreamed about him several times(as I have for other friends that
have died) only he was always angry with me, except for the last
time when it was similar to other dreams of dead friends, where we
had a long heart to heart that I can never really remember but I
wake up knowing that we resolved everthing between us.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
It was one of the fortunate things. I always said that I loved
him. He *knew*.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I depended on him so much, asked so much from him, I would have
liked to hear him say that I was as important to him, that our
friendship wasn't just a burden to him.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Well, I would want the minimalist thing done, and for people to
party rather than mourn, but funerals are really for the living
so I would try to come to an arrangment with whoever had to take
care of things. For instance I wouldn't care what kind of service
as much as I would insist on a cremation.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew, I would say that I didn't get to do everything I wanted
to do in my life, but, I did live it the way I wanted to. My friends
wern't many by some standards but they are the best friends anyone
could ask for maybe better than I deserve.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
It's lame. I was crying until I was literally ill and couldn't drive
or work. I would find myself saying "Shh, shh, it's okay, it's okay"
as if I were another person. It did help though. A couple of years
after my friends death my cat died(she was 16 years old)and I was
shocked to catch myself saying the same thing to myself when I
felt overwhelmed.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
You Think? I have an almost life size portrait that hangs in my
living room where I can even see it from my bedroom. If I have any
doubt about my motives or dealings I know because I start talking to
the portrait. When I know I'm okay I never even think of talking to
"Walter".
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Walter's step-daughter was the kindest person in the world to me,
even though she was grief stricken, she went totally out of her
way to make sure that I was taken care of and was always there to
listen to me in the darkest moments. And she wasn't obligated in
any way to do so. I've come to love her dearly.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
I dreamed about him knocking on my door afterwards I refused to
answer because he was dead(in my dream)
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that I could have spoken to his sons more but they were angry
or indifferent and I was afraid to approch them. I wish they could
have spoken more to me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's been something of a relief to "speak" to "you" I probably
should have found some kind of grief therapy but I was fortunate
enough to have great friends who understand. If I had to rely on
my family I would have been screwed.
I still feel alot of pain but Thank You for posting this survey.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 6 18:06:19 1999
M17 in Berlin, Berlin =Germany=
Name: Wieland Wagner
Email: <wiwa_17-at-edmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: high school student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain/heaqrt disease; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother died. One day we got a
telegraph and I knew without lnowing anything about the content:
my great grandmother died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 5 20:14:04 1999
F15 in Ellensburg, WA =USA=
Name: Erin
Email: <stasyanight-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looked up Death and Dying
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: High School
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Clockwork Orange, The Crow, Natural Born Killers
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: don't know; Aged: 13.
--Details:
They don't know how he died, he was a great guy, and stuff.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person stops breathing, thinking, life goes away, there body
is there but they cannot talk, see, hear. The skin rots away to
reveal bone. They will not come back, they are not sleeping.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was really young and treated it the same as I do now.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my uncle died. In a truck accident, boxes
fell on him and he was in a coma, I thought he was in Tacoma (the
city). When he died my mom went to the funeral, I asked to go,
she said I couldn't and I stayed with a friend. She didn't hide
at all, she told me flat out. I prefered that. I was 4-6.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness, grief, rememrance of his smile and attitude.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that is not a tragedy but a part of life and not telling children
that grandma is on vacation or sleeping.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I heard about the deaths quickly and long before the funerals.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I won't physically see them again.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
death happens, the person is gone, they had life, be happy or at
least be able to enjoy yourself.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I felt apart of the guy even though I hadn't seen him in years.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel I need a good cry.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I dunno, they found no cause of death, he was 13 and it seemed he
died of natural causes.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past was Catholic, now is somewhat Wiccan.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
yes
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
remembrance of his smile
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've felt it all the time, sometimes I don't know the person but
their presence is felt.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Any day is a good day to die. In other words, if I die I die, it
will happen and I can't prevent it, if I had a choice I might try,
but otherwise I go when I go.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I did a seance to contact Ben
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
Death is part of nature and I take it that way, like wind or rain,
it happens
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
it happens, I deal with it
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 5 20:10:55 1999
F15 in E, ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looked up Death and Dying
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Clockwork Orange, The Crow, Natural Born Killers
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: don't know; Aged: 13.
--Details:
They don't know how he died, he was a great guy, and stuff.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person stops breathing, thinking, life goes away, there body
is there but they cannot talk, see, hear. The skin rots away to
reveal bone. They will not come back, they are not sleeping.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was really young and treated it the same as I do now.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my uncle died. In a truck accident, boxes
fell on him and he was in a coma, I thought he was in Tacoma (the
city). When he died my mom went to the funeral, I asked to go,
she said I couldn't and I stayed with a friend. She didn't hide
at all, she told me flat out. I prefered that. I was 4-6.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness, grief, rememrance of his smile and attitude.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that is not a tragedy but a part of life and not telling children
that grandma is on vacation or sleeping.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I heard about the deaths quickly and long before the funerals.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I won't physically see them again.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
death happens, the person is gone, they had life, be happy or at
least be able to enjoy yourself.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I felt apart of the guy even though I hadn't seen him in years.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel I need a good cry.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I dunno, they found no cause of death, he was 13 and it seemed he
died of natural causes.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past was Catholic, now is somewhat Wiccan.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
yes
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
remembrance of his smile
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've felt it all the time, sometimes I don't know the person but
their presence is felt.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Any day is a good day to die. In other words, if I die I die, it
will happen and I can't prevent it, if I had a choice I might try,
but otherwise I go when I go.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I did a seance to contact Ben
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
Death is part of nature and I take it that way, like wind or rain,
it happens
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
it happens, I deal with it
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 5 14:33:59 1999
F23 in Orange, Ca =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: technical services
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 70.
--Details:
He was on life support and my family had to turn it off.That killed
me to kill him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you leave life as we know it. Leave our loved ones.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't think life could ever be normal again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was home with my grandparents and my
grandpa had a heart attack. He died three days later in a hospital.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my daugter crying about my grandfather, she experienced death much
younger than I.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I now know my daughter is having seizers, because my grandfather
was also having tham.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never seeing, smelling or talking to him again. Not being able to
say I am sorry for all of the mean things I had done to him.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have a huge amount of guilt for not talking to him the last few
years before he died, even though I lived with him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He hadn't yet died, but I knew he was going to.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him, istead of act like he wasn't there.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my granny and daughter.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
picture him on the floor with no heartbeat waiting for the
ambulance. Or in the hospital with his mouth drooping beacause he
was brain dead, just waiting to be taken.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I am not sure thing would be mch different.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
my little girl can't have her favorite grandpa anymore. And my
granny has to spend her last years without him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
quit living with my granny so I don't have to she her die too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried....
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they didn't seem to care that I watching my grandfather die, they
were judt working.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that was it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the viewing, seeing him in the coffin. His mouth was pulled to tight,
his body was as hard as a rock.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my mom has seen him. I am think about that everyday and I am scared
to death of that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I could not do that..
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am a lot nicer to my granny now.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have seperated my self from people. I am very anti-social now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
Marijana
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I am scared of ghost and dead people.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 5 06:03:58 1999
F28 in Grantham, Lincolnshire =England=
Name: Emma Noon
Email: <Emmanoon-at-wwwattcd.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Computer Support
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I don't know the name of the poem, but it says something about I
have not gone - I am only in another room
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Brain Tumour; Aged: 54.
--Details:
He just became forgetful, and stumbled alot. Then he satrted to
say really way out things and that was when I realised (I have had
medical training) that there was something seriously wrong with him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
An end of something that may be bad or good. Whichever way, there
is a void left in a persons life that never, ever goes away.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried alot, though I'm sure it was because everyone else was crying.
I was eight and didn't really understand it - My grandfather died
of a heart attack - I still think of him when I see celery sticks
or a robin redbreast.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My best friend was killed infront of me
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Feeling lost and it was though we were all in a nightmare that we
couldn't get out of. My father took four months to slowly wither
away to nothing - it was degrading for him - I get so angry when
I think about it. We looked after him at home so that he wouldn't
feel alone and I feel so very proud to have looked after him with
my mother until his last moments.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is a family thing. The family (my family did especially) need
to click together; no fighting and regretting things - just look
to the future and look back at the good times only - It can be done.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
As I've said, the unity that my family had to find is still there.
We stick together like no other family I know - I don't think that
you are close to someone you love until you have both lost a loved
one together. I have such a zest for life now - we all do - life
is very, very short. We have a beautiful planet and we need to
educate and explain this to the children today.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family. My mum was a real rock - she later broke down after
she thought that everyone else was okay.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching my dad suffer so much. The cancer in the end made him
bedridden to the point that he couldn't do anything - not even blink.
We had to drip saline into his eyes to help him. He eventually
got pneumonia and gently slipped away. But we had to watch him
like this for four months - roll on euthanasia...........
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
My father couldn't see us, but apparently the hearing is the last to
go - so we all held his hands and told him how much we loved him.
There was nothing we could do for him - it was so annoying to see
this - I am still so very angry about this.......
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
live life like you could go tomorrow - my dad was a vegetarian
and didn't smoke. It didn't help him. I also tell people that an
argument with a loved one always needs to be resolved as soon as
possible as "you never know".
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The surgeon told us there was nothing he could do for my dad. I have
seen in many a newspaper of how people go to the States and have
miracle life saving surgery performed on them. Why not my dad ?
He explained that the tumour was right in the middle of his brain
and that even the operation would either paralyze him or kill him.
There was no choice.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When dad had come through his biopsy, we brought him home.
Because the tumour was resting on some weird places in his brain -
he came out with the funniest things - we were doubled up sometimes.
He made us sit in front of the tv while he watched line dancing -
he hated anything like that. He was also vegetarian but started
eating fish and chips and saying in the middle of the plate "oh,
I don't eat meat do I ?"
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I was in the British Army at the time and had been away on excercise
and in Bosnia and other places constantly for about three years,
never coming home much. When I found out, I told my Commanding
Officer who sent me home until he died. The Army were fantastic
with me. I do wish that I had spent more time with him and gotten
to like all his interests instead of only one or two.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend four months looking after him. I am so proud to have been
there for him in his time of need. He had looked after me for 26
years - changed my nappy, mopped up my vomit and all the rest of
the stuff that comes with kids - and now it was my turn, and I did
it with my head held high and a smile on my face...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear certain songs on the radio (Smoke Gets In Your Eyes - The
Platters), I see a robin red breast in my garden and the innocence
of children always reminds me of my dad - I don't know why.......
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'm sure that life wouldn't be that different - if we didn't know
what the future held. If we did - we would forever be on tenterhooks
and life would be pretty emotional.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why are all these rapists, child molesters and other undesirable
people wandering around when my dad died. People who commit suicide
annoy me - the have a choice whether they live or die - my dad didn't
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go back in time, get a degree, invent a miracle cancer cure and
keep my dad.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
At the time of my fathers death, I also split with my partner.
The reason, he said was that he couldn't deal with my grief.
Better off gone ! I've Kind of made peace with it all - before,
even the word 'tumour' or 'cancer' would make me feel sick. I still
look at his photo and all I can think of just yet is how he died.
I suppose time will heal me more - I loved my dad like no-one else -
we had a real daddy-daughter relationship. I adored him, he adored
me, simple as that.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Absolute respect. The Queens Medical Hospital in Nottingham,
England made all the family welcome and I'm sure that they did
everything in their power to make my dad as comfortable as possible.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
We borrowed some equipment from the GIFTS hospice in Grantham,
England. They were professional and caring to the point that they
would ring my mum up to make sure that she was alright.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We're not a religious family - although I can see why some people
turn to religion for a pathway.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptised a Catholic - my father was one too
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I am not religious but I do feel that my dad is always here with me.
--Regarding MONEY:
My father had made sure that as a family, we were well looked after
in the event of his death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people came. I always saw my father as a bit of a loner -
there were people standing outside the church as we couldn't get
everyone in. I can't specifically remember faces only numbers.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I have totally changed as a person. My whole outlook on life has
become more respectful.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I can't really help you with this one, I knew what to watch for.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
There is a calm before the storm. I though I was okay - it's only
when you have gotten over the numbness of death when you can really
start to think properly. I still haven't fully gotten over my dad -
I still cry every night..
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My dad kept seeing people who have died - he would talk to his
mother for hours like she was sat in the corner having a cup of tea
with him. I believe that she came to look after him until the end.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I once had such an intense, vivid dream that I had gone to see my
grandad in an old peoples home. It was white, clean, nice smell,
loads of rose bushes and lots of nice people about. I saw him and
said hello - he said that I was growing up into a pretty girl and
that he would watch over me. he gave me a hug and then I awoke.
I remember waking with such a start like someone had pushed me
onto the bed. I cried and cried for hours, but not in sadness, in
joy because I had seen my grandad again after so long. I told my
mum and she said that I was very lucky to have seen him. I don't
know what to think about it - all I know is that I had such a warm
feeling of absolute peace when I woke up.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wasted alot of my life with men who didn't respect me. My dad saw
this and it upset him to see his little girl to be treated like that.
I only wish that I had made a better choice and made him happy.
My only regret is that he can't give me away down the aisle and
that he didn't get to see my children (that I am yet to see myself)
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That he had had a happy, fulfilling, loving life. I hope that he
loved his children and his wife and that he, in return, knew that
we loved him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Please see above ! After my dad's funeral - I was asleep at camp
when a bag next to my bed started rustling. There were no windows
open, there was no way that the bag could have moved, but I remember
hearing it and not even investigating as I felt this close, safe
feeling. He had come to tell me he was okay - I'ms sure of that.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
After watching my father die like he did - on one drug one day,
another the next - I know it sounds awful but as a family I think
we were all hoping that he would die sooner rather than later.
Euthanasia should be a families choice -not the governments'.
The sooner it's legallised the better. If I had known what suffering
my dad was going to go through, I'd have pulled the trigger myself
and that is the bottom line........
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I was going to die like my father I would probably take
my own life - I wouldn't want my family to go through that again.
I do feel normally that when you're gonna go, you're gonna go -
so live it to the full - love everyone around you, spread happiness
and die with a smile on your face !
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
We have a special dinner on a sunday - my dads favourite dinner.
We call it a Tony Noon dinner. We also have a tree in England called
a horse chestnut, the fruit of this tree is known as a conker and
you can thread a shoe lace through this fruit when it has gone hard
and have 'conker fights' we have one every year in my dads honour.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I've been single for the last two years because I think that if a man
doesn't treat me like my dad did with my mum, then it's not worth it.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My brother and I, after years of battering each other senseless in
a series of brotherly/sisterly fights - have now found that we're
kind of soul mates - we think the same way and know when each other
are down. I have made a friendship with a girl at work who lost
her brother from a brain tumour also. We seem to know when each
other is down and we talk about it. We're going to do a tandem
parachute jump next year for cancer awareness.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Time is a great healer - and the only healer
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
Being at that difficult age anyway - 12
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
the understanding of just why this tumour had to pick my dad and
not someone elses' dad. Then I thought that if it hadn't have been
my dad it would have been a small child - I'm only thankful that
he got to live part of his life.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought back many memories - some good and some bad, but most
of them good. Some things are lost in the back of your mind during
grieving and only emerge when prompted.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No, they're all fine
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Thu Nov 4 17:50:51 1999
F17 in Cannock Wood, Staffs =England=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
search on yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
--Details:
One day I was phoned up and told my friend had jumped off a cliff
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
where we end to make way for new lifes
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
knew when my mum got a phone from the hospital and even though my
nan wasn't dead then I knew I would never see her again. I cried
and cried and although I tried to distract my attention with tv
and walking the dog I just couldn't stop.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my favourite nana. She died very suddenly.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The funeral was full of so many people but I couldn't watch I can't
even remember the special song except it had in it "I'm looking
down on you from heaven" The tears flowed all day but when we all
hugged outside at least for a moment I was not alone.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
different for everyone. We should learn to accept it, not that we
shouldn't care but we have to live afterwards, usually.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Death brings people closer together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
How I wrote about what I felt and cried doing so but I could try
and begin to understand how I felt.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
No one likes to talk about suicide especially my friends it effected.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Can relate to tradgedy and try to help other people when they need
someone to be there for them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found out and I didn't know how to react as it wasn't something
i ever imagined happening to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
give my friend a hug
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know the people who died and remember them for ever
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was really upset one night but my friend just held me until I
was ready.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I will always cry because I loved them
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If it hadn't happened I wouldn't have realised how much he meant
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he had so much to live for and he told me there was nothing in the
world that was worth getting really upset about and yet he jumped
off a cliff
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
contact him for just one second, just once to let him know I care
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realised the hardest thing is knowing you will never see them again
and you never told them what they meant to you.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
No one medical did anything for me I was alone as I couldn't speak
about my pain
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. The minister let us know it was our fault that he had died
as we hadn't noticed his pain.
--Religious Affiliation:
I know I don't delieve God exists
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We were all there because of love and respect
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
As soon as I found out my mind didn't work and I began to forget
everything about him including name, age, and where he lived although
it was allwhat I knew well
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
crying denial crying hugging crying trying to comprehend
looking for information cryin and talking irrationally trying to
talk about it rationally
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My issues can't be resolved because the people are dead
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them I loved them and I would tell my friend that
dispite my love if he felt he needed to die I would have to accept
and understand that
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dreamt about my nana several times when she was contented and
gave me things and showed she loved me but I still had my friends
I had to live for.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I just hope people don't think I hurt them too much and they will
be happy after
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want to die and I contemplate suicide everyday. The only thing
that stops me is I know what it feels like when someone does that
to you. I dream that someone will kill me or the doctor will tell
me I only have a few days to live.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I hurt myself, I write poetry and stories and how I feel
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think about death and suicide and love everyday
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have become closer to some of my friends and I hope it will
last forever
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
I can accept it eventually because she was old and It had to happen
som time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
My Dad got violent and when I fought back with words my other
nan wasn't impressed so at the funeral she told everyone what a
dissapiontment I was.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
someone who I could really talk to and would say something to make
it better for a little while . I wanted someone who could understand
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me feel that there are other people out there who think
about this too
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Did your feelings or view of the person change after death and if
so how?
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Thu Nov 4 13:33:23 1999
F18 in East Lansing, MI =United States=
Name: Wendy Harper
Email: <wendy_suemsu-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: English major -at- MSU
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 16.
--Details:
She had just recieved her licence 23 days earlier. The weather
was bad and she slid off the road into a tree when she hit a patch
of ice.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in a state of shock and dibelief, since I was so young I did
not understand.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my first experience with death happened
when my father died, when I was five years old. He died in a
car accident, he had been drinking. Since then I have dealt with
numerous deaths including that of a very close friend. She also
died in a car accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how all of my friends pulled together for each other and how well
the community supported my friends family.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's not so scary. It's okay to talk about it and it actually
will make you feel better.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It made some of my friends and I realize how important we are to
each other and it brought some of us a lot closer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends, they were experiencing the same feelings and we helped
each other get through it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the excruciating pain that comes when you actually let yourself
believe that they won't ever be back. It was such a tragic and
untimely death. She was such a beautiful person with so much to offer
and she was never able to share all of her gifts with the world.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when I first found out, I was so shocked and i didn't want to
believe it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when something like this happens you are so confused and it's so
hard that you don't really have complete control over all of your
emotions, that is why you laugh sometimes. Youre emotions are on
a roller coaster.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my friend how much I cared about her and how much I admired
her for everything she had done.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help her family in some small way. My friends and I put together
a book in which we wrote all of our favorite memories that we
had shared with our friend. We then gave the book to her family,
months later, I saw her mother and she thanked me tearfully, it
really meant a lot to her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
whenever I look through my scrap book and see all of my momentos of
my friend I cry. whenever I see a movie we watched or do something
we did together I feel like crying. It's just that things like
that open up the floodgates and you remember how much you miss your
loved one. You never really get over the death you just learn how
to deal with it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
..."why her?" "why so soon?" "why not me?"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was overcome with emotions. I felt sad, guilty and confused all
at once.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My religious beliefs helped me a lot through all of this, i prayed
a lot.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
when my father died, my parents were divorced, so my family did not
experience any sort of financial burden, however, we did recieve
social security benefits from him.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
when my friend died it was a beautiful memorial service with nearly
1000 people in attendance. The pastor new her personally and gave
an incredible service that mad evreyone feel wonderful. He made us
laugh and brought to light all of her glorious qualities.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the greiving process is never-ending.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Soon after my friend died I had a dream in which she herself
actually visited me. She was surrounded by an awesome glow as if
she had become an angel. the whole dream was so incredibly real to
me. I am sure that she is an angel.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel pretty good, about my relationships with all of my dead
loved ones. I don't have any regrets now.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to tell them how much I love them still and how much
I wish they were still here.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe that it is important to carry out the wishes of the
dead. It gives you one last chance to show them how much you care,
no matter how painful it may be for you.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid to die, I belive in an afterlife in which I will
be reunited with my loved ones and be able to look after those I
leave behind. I belive that god will look after me and my loved ones.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i talk to my loved ones in my prayers. I believe that they do hear
me and even if they don't, it helps me feel better. I tell them
how much I love them and miss them. It makes me feel that they are
still with me no matter what.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My friend Ray and I had always been good friends but when our friend
past away we renewed our friendship and became closer, now we don't
see each other without saying that we love each other.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I have found that talking about it with people and sharing your
memories is a very good way to help deal with it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I felt extremely guilty after the death of my friend, I didn't keep
very close contact with her for a while and I never got the chance
to tell her how much I cared about her.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was vrey useful to me, it helped me reexamine all of my feelings
on the subject and helped me feel a little better about things.
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Wed Nov 3 15:37:16 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
THE BOOK OF PSALMS IS WONDERFUL THROUGH THE PROCESS OF GRIEF.READ
THE BIBLE.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2YRS. ago.
Cause of Death: INDUCED HYPERTENSION; Aged: 34.
--Details:
FIRST BABY,YOUNG AND HEALTH MOTHER TO BE. HAD A SUDDEN DEATH D/T
pregnancy induced hypertension
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
departing from the world and our loved ones,but it is actually a
gain because we have the oppertunity of meeting with our creater.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only 10. my dearest sister
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...MY EXPERIENCE WAS WHEN MY SISTER DIED,SHE
COMMITED SUICIDE.sHE WAS THE PERSON I LOOKED UP TO I WAS 10 AT THE
TIME
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
we are not eternals in this world.life must be lived in its best.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to not be affraid of talking about death.death is our friend when
in fact we served well.death can also be our enemy when served bad
in this world.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
jesus christ and his gift of life. i can actually say life and
death are a gift.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the pain to see loved ones with so much sorrow nad no hope of
tomorrow.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
holding their hands,praying with them,or just being there
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: at what age
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
KNOWING THAT MY LIFE HAS A NEW MEANING AND BEGINING.ETERNITY
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
LACK OF KNOWLEDGE.NOT KNOWING THE FUTURE;THROUGH THE BIBLE I OBTAINED
A DIFFERENT VIEW..
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Wed Nov 3 12:28:32 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searched for Polls on Yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driving accident on her behalf; Aged: 18.
--Details:
She was driving home from a party and we don't know if she passed
out or was leaning down to get something or what. She ran off the
road and she flew through the window and the car landed on her
because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When the body stops working and the person's "brain" dies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't quite understand what happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... One of my mom's best friends killed herself. I
heard my mom get the news on the phone and I comforted her the best
I could.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being angry that I didn't find out until the day of the funeral
after it had taken place. I had no closure.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is ok.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned to wear my seat belt ALWAYS. That I am not invincible.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Visiting the grave and feeling like it was ok to miss her too. Being
a strong person.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to share the rest of my life with her and her
sharing her's with me.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
carry on and make good decisions about what is worth it and what
is not.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was first told.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go to her funeral, cry a little more, and talk to her family.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have known her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
or when I do something that reminds me of her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We probably would have had a lot of good times and gotten even
closer.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's just really sad for me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried... alot. and talked to her.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am not affiliated with any religion.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't get to go.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have seen her in my dreams. It was nice... it was just like we
had been away for a little while. Sometimes I think I can feel
her presence.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I would say out loud that I missed her when I was thinking about
her. Thanking her when I put on my seat belt, she could have saved
my life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I guess I just really didn't think about it much.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Just not talking about it I guess.
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Tue Nov 2 15:38:49 1999
M30 in Cincinnati, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Waiter?student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: 55.
--Details:
Aunt Cathy was in a great deal of pain for the last two years of
her life. When it happened it was a relief but it was still very
painful to have it hapen.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the completion of life on this earth and the transference of the
soul to heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for hours.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My mom received a phone call in the early
evening and she began crying uncontrollably. It was few hours before
my dad told us that my grandma had died suddenly. I remember not
being able to sleep that night so I went to my mom and started
crying on her lap.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
approaching the body in the casket and thinking that I hope no one
gets mad when I do not cry. I cried.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not the end but a new beginning
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my strong belief in God and heaven.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the thought of never seeing or talking to this person again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I actually wished that my friend Frank had died as opposed to lying
in the coma for two months, only to wake up and have the mental
capacity of a 10 year old.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I am glad that I did. Death is very painful and I shared a very good
laugh with my cousins and my siblings at my grandpa's funeral. We
were able to get through that moment of pain with ease.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a comfort blanket.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
My mom's family was split in two because all of the estate was
given to only half of the siblings
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the respect for the deseased that everyone has.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have no knowledge
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like to think that i would be willing to accept it. I would
just like some time to get my affairs in order.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I honestly believe that there is something better waiting for us
after this life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Tue Nov 2 06:53:47 1999
F17 in DERRY, North of ireland =Ireland=
Email: <byte me>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
CLICKED ON NAME DUH!
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Prof/Studies: student
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More personal info:
im freeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, A HALF A YEAR ago.
Cause of Death: LIVER TRANSPLANT FAILURE; Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
THE END OF THIS LIFE AND ENTRY INTO THE LIFE IF YOU MEET THE
STANDARDS SET BY THE BIG GUY IN THE SKY
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
FELT LIKE I WAS DISTANT TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
THE PRIEST BEING INSENISTIVE
--What I think my (Ireland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
WHY WE DIE
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I WAS LEFT
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
THE FACT THAT I NEEDED TO BE PROTECTED
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
NO ONE TALKED TO ME
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: at what age
How'd I do? How well
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Tue Nov 2 06:48:26 1999
F16 in , ==
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LUCKY DIP
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Prof/Studies: STUDENT
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
NO LONGER BREATHING
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
CRIED
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
THE COFFIN
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
HOW IT CAN AFFECT YOUNG CHILDREN
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
WE WILL ALL ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
THE LAUGHTER THAT FILLED THE ROOM WHEN WE REMINISCED
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
KNOWING THAT I WILL NEVER SEE THAT PERSON AGAIN
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
FRIENDS
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
UNFAIR
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Mon Nov 1 21:30:23 1999
F35 in , ==
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Mystic Planet link
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 9yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 58.
--Details:
She had been sick for a long time. Should have been prepared for it,
but was not. Still miss her greatly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of this physical,bodily existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very hollow, abandoned,hopeless.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My father was killed in a car crash when
I was 15 mos. old. Don't really remember it..only stories that I've
been told.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the despair of losing someone you love.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
what happens beyond the physical death for the spirit.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have lost all of my family members to death. However, I know
now that I have great inner strength and can handle most of life's
problems.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the love and support of my husband.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
learning to live without them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Live each day as if you might not have them there for the next.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
For the next year. I felt as if I was walking in a trance..going
through the motions, but numb, unable to concentrate and always
like the world was going to literally fall apart at any moment.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to really tell her how much I loved her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have had dreams like this where she came back from the dead,
and although I was very happy to see her, I knew that it wasn't
right and that she wasn't supposed to be here.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just talk to her one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried, and cried, and cried... and have been looking for a way to
be right with it ever since.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ther was little that the physician could do or tried to do. As a
physician myself, I realize that he was also caught very offguard
with her death. He knew little in the way of grief counseling.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right. I don't think that there is one "right" religion. I think
that there is a oneness with the Ultimate Spirit.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it seemed very surreal.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
breaking away from the apron strings.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had a very real dream twice during the month before my mother's
death. I had been visiting and was sleeping in what was once her
room. She had since moved downstairs to be near my grandmother. In
the dream (which felt so real...), the angel of death appeared in
the doorway to the room in which I was sleeping. I was terrified and
tried to call out, but couldn't. However, it seemed to telepathically
communicate that it was not there to look for me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I had just met my husband the month before my mother's death. I
think that this critical event helped bond us much closer much
more quickly.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Mon Nov 1 11:28:29 1999
M21 in Des Moines, Iowa =U.S.=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 74.
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--Death Is:
Body no longer lives. They are buried or creamated. Spirit lives
forever
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
denied it at first
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great grandmother passed away when I
was 10.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying at the funeral
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
They go to a better place
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Remembering their life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
Enhancements: make it shorter
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See Oct 99 contributions.
See Sep 99 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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