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See Current contributions.
See Mar 99 contributions.
See Feb 99 contributions.
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Fri Apr 30 11:51:49 1999
F24 in salem, Oregon =Marion=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Accounting
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My senior year of college my grandfather died.
I was not particularly close to him so it didn't really affect me.
I was a little sad that I would not get a chance to get to know
him but I was not overcome with grief. A year later a college
prof/advisor killed himself. This was after I graduated so
I think it had less of an impact than if I had been still his
student/advisee. I really loved him, a great prof and a great guy.
I went to his memorial services, people were really honest about
what had happened, they honored him but were realistic about his
faults (he had become an alcoholic as a way of dealing with the fact
that he was gay and kinda hiding it from people... then he drank
himself to death.) I felt like that memorial was very helpful.
I still miss him but my friends and I still talk about him, and
talk about how we miss him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
I am a Christian and that helps me deal with my own death and the
death of other Christians. It's harder for me to deal with the
deaths of non-Christians, because I just don't know what happens
to them.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
Shall We Share Your Comments?: May We Include...
Identify You?: Identify your comments?
Fri Apr 30 11:51:49 1999
F24 [Accounting
]; located in salem, Oregon.
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Fri Apr 30 01:26:36 1999
M31 in Arroyo Grande, CA =USA=
Name: Michael Britton
Email: <rubrenginr-at-ibm.net>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Curiously browsing through Games on Yahoo.
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Prof/Studies: Engineer I, Development Services, SLO County
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 69.
--Details:
She went at home with her husband and daughters at her side. She died
in the early morning, the day after my mom's birthday (her eldest
daughter). My grandfather, while obviously missing her a great
deal, I think was more prepared and has dealt with it better than
anyone else in our family. She was heavily drugged up just before
she passed on, but in a moment of clarity, wished my mom a happy
birthday. At least she was aware of what was going on around her,
even though she was out of it most of the time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life here on Earth. Those of us still living grieve their
passing for selfish reasons - because we will miss them. Their
participation in our lives are no longer. Their kind words or
laughter will never be heard again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very confused. I knew my great-grandmother, and saw that everyone
else was sad and crying. I felt bad because I was not sad. I began
to cry only when I saw my grandfather cry, but I think this was
because I was suddenly afraid - I had never seen my grandfather
cry before and it frightened before. I mean, this was a man I saw
fall off of a three story roof and still he did not cry. To see
him cry meant that something bad must have happened. And because
I did not feel the same sadness in the death as everyone else,
I did not make the same connection.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was, I was visiting with my grandparents one
summer. My great-grandmother, who lived with them, was visiting
family in Washington state. A very healthy woman, she passed suddenly
while there. I think what affected me most was being around my
grandparents who were having a hard time with it. My mom came up
for the funeral and my summer vacation was cut short when I returned
home with my mom instead of staying the rest of the summer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fear of the unknown. This woman was the glue that held the family
together. Would we all continue to be the same? And my grandfather
- how will he get along living by himself for the first time? The
extreme sadness, the wracking sobs I could not overcome. I tried
to hold it in, but I could not. I felt I should be the strong one,
but I was not. Looking down at her face, I cannot imagine it being
buried beneath the ground! And her arms are so cold and so hard,
like granite with a felt cover on it. God, how I miss her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is final people! Live every day with the intent to make an
impact. If you do not make your mark, you will not be missed when
you are gone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my awakening spirituality. I have since become a very active
Episcopalian. I serve as a lay minister and run the acolyte
program. I think a persons greatest legacy can be the impact they
have on the life of a child.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
love and encouragement from my wife. Really!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
fear of the emptiness, the void now created by the their death in
that portion of my life.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sorry, never felt this way.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for the rest of my family.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the holidays roll around, I realize how much she was such a central
part of whatever family activity was going on. I think I miss her
most at the holidays.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why would a woman approaching 70 years old get leukemia! On the news
and in the movies it's always the children that get leukemia. But
then I always remember that it can strike anywhere.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried myself silly for a good 20 minutes. I think my wife cried
because I was crying so bad. I felt such a hollow feeling. I don't
remember it ending. I just felt as if a big chunk of my life had
been taken away from me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcopal Church.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how much everyone seemed to be crying and how much support there
was. It helped me to realize just how many lives my grandmother
touched.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I don't have much to report. But at times, I feel as if my
grandmother is looking in on me. Making sure I am being a good boy
(I'm 31), and just generally checking up on me. Soemtimes the feeling
is so strong, I get to feeling a little cold and will look around
the room as if I expect to see her materialize.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My grandfather regrets not doing more things the way my grandmother
wanted them. I think that's what I take away the most from my
grandmother's passing. Basic chivalry.
Also, I think the funeral
should be conducted in a way that the dead person would have wanted,
not the way the living want to. This is, afterall, their last
"hurrah", so to speak.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I fear my own death intensely. I think mostly it is fear of the
unknown. If I knew that there was something after this, I might
be better at ease. The only solace I can take is my faith, which
says there is a life after, a life in heaven. But then I worry, if
there is, have I been good enough? If there is, and I go to hell,
is it eternal suffering, or is it like sitting through a really
bad lounge act for eternity? Will my spirit be doomed to wander the
planet aimlessly forever? I also fear leaving things unfinished. I
fear leaving my wife alone to deal with things in my absence. I could
not stand the idea of her having to grieve for me for an eternity.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My grandfather and I have become closer. He always called me the
son he never had (he had two daughters), but it was only just
a phrase before. I think now, when we are together, it actually
feels at times as if I am his son! I don't know how to explain it,
but it does feel that way.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I'm not sure I have really ever dealt with it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I don't want "this", this life I have now, to end.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that in writing it down, I was better able to understand
what exactly were my fears regarding my own passing.
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Wed Apr 28 17:10:36 1999
F27 in Boston, Massachusetts =USA=
Name: Jennifer
Email: <jar02116-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: grad student in Gender Studies
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 day ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure during surgery; Aged: 84.
--Details:
My grandmother was admitted to the hospital a month ago. She needed
an aortic valve replacement and triple bypass surgery. The surgery
was completed, but the surgeons couldn't get her heart beating again.
It was just too weak.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
often traumatic and scary, but inevitable. We all die. There are
as many ways of perceiving death as there are people, but nobody
really knows what it's like to be dead.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
ran outside into the woods, because I couldn't stand being around
people. I was numb. For a long time after the death, I would go
into the woods and pray, and sometimes I would press hard on my
eyeballs until I saw flashing lights and pretend that they signified
my friend's presence. I would talk to her and hope she was happy
wherever she was.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my best friend died of cystic fibrosis when
we were both twelve years old. I had known her for four years.
I didn't have other close friends. I knew that she had a chronic
illness, but nobody had told me that she would probably die at a
young age from CF.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being very upset, but underneath feeling peaceful, because nothing
had gone unsaid, love was apparent, she didn't suffer, she was calm
and accepting of death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that people need to talk openly about it. Death is happening every
day, and people are too scared to talk about it. We need to face
our own fears of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the knowledge that I will always carry my loved ones in my heart,
and that for as long as I live, they will never be forgotten.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
words of kindness and love from my friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that someone incredibly special was gone, and that she was
so tragically young (12 years old), and not knowing how to cope.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
really treasure the power of unconditional love. Love is all
that matters. Corny but true.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it made me feel awful, although I understand it on an intellectual
level. When my dad told me that my grandmother died, I was on the
brink of laughter, I think because I was surprised, and we tend to
laugh when we're surprised, even if it's about something devastating.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hold my grandmother's hand.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
write her a letter, telling her how much I love her, how I am always
with her, how I carry her in my heart like a feather whispering
the memory of flying.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I sometimes think about Amy, my best friend who died at age 12,
and I wonder, what would she be like if she were 27 like me?
What would she be doing? Would we still be friends?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die myself.
--Religious Affiliation:
Pagan/Jewish
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right.
--Regarding MONEY:
my dad was able to go to my grandmother's funeral in Italy, but
I wasn't. The last-minute airfare was something like $1000, and
I couldn't possibly afford it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I haven't been aware.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope to hear from my grandmother that she loved me, that
she felt proud of me, that the bond between us will never break.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I need to create a living will with instructions not to resuscitate.
Also, I want people to remember that I'm an organ donor, and I want
as much of body that's useful to be given to others. My mother is
ambivalent about organ donation. I've discussed my wishes with
her before, but I think I need to put it in writing, so that she
can't decide to disregard my wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would want to be able to prepare for my death. In some sense,
I feel like all of life is a preparation for death, because knowing
that I'm going to die someday allows me to refocus my priorities.
If I was going to die very soon, though, I would probably feel
scared, and I would want to be near people I love. I would want
to write final words, and I would want to speak all my truths.
It would frustrate me to know that not everything can be said,
or in enough time. I would want to be at peace with it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Going out into the woods, to the same spot, looking up through the
tree-leaves, and singing.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
I am still angry that no adults helped me to cope with Amy's death.
I think they were too afraid to bring it up. I had nobody to
talk to.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It reminded me that it is always better and more healing to talk
about death than to ignore it.
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Tue Apr 27 15:59:53 1999
F20 in hattiesburg, ms ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible... Book of Job.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: automobile accident; Aged: 17.
--Details:
the actual cause of the accident is still unknown today. i think
that it would help knowing what actually occured to maybe bring
closure to this. I have come to believe that it was his time to go
and it wouldn't matter where he would have been it was just his time.
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--Death Is:
the worst feeling of pain, hurt, and lonliness one can go
through. None of the pain will ever go away; just the times you
feel the pain will diminish
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to understand what was happening. I was not very
close to my great grandfather but did realize something was wrong
and everyone was sad
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my brother with whom i was very close with died
in an automobile accident when he was a senior in high school... i
was in sixth grade
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
having to be strong for my parents and the feeling of being
numb... it was like it couldn't be real it was like a bad dream
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
use of religion. We should be happy instead of sad that they are
in a better place
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made our family realize how precious and short life is
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
my parents were also supportive..... we pulled together
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
also anger and abandoment and the comments of others didn't help,
also guilt
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Mon Apr 26 11:47:19 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
... in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
writing a paper on death attitudes and cultural views
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
how to cope with the loss of a loved one
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: Multiple Scroleosis; Aged: 32.
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--Death Is:
A mystery. We don't know where that person is or if we will see
them again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in denial, was angry, was guilty, wanted it to go away.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died of MS when I was 14.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Wanting to know answers... How should I act? What now? What do
they all expect me to do? What happened? Why????
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Accepting that it happens and not holding on to our belief that
modern medicine is our hero and our loved ones will never die.
Talk about it with each other.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my wake-up call to my life and how precious it is.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
People understanding that they do not understand.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the late nights afterwards after life resumes its routine. Never
getting answers or a game-plan for what was next.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk about thier opinions. What do they believe will be next
for them? Where will they go? Don't avoid talking about what you
are both thinking about.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that I am the only constant in my life. Everything is
changing around me and I need to depend upon myself and be
accountable for myself.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was blaming myself and being angry at her for leaving me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Everyone was just watching to see what I would do next. It was
absurd that they would spend so much time focusing on me and what
I would wear to the funeral, etc.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have that one last conversation when we both know what is in the
future and can give each other insight.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
grow up and take on life from a pro-active standpoint instead of
waiting for someone else to do it for me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was told she was gone... I was half-awake in a room of strangers
(police men, EMTs, ect) I think it is important to be sensitive
of this when telling this awful truth to loved ones. I still get
anxious and confused when I get woken up unexpectedly.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Funeral arrangements.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear someone take thier adult relationship with thier mom for
granted. Or see a grandmother with her daughter and grand-babies.
There are a million things that I will never experience that I
see everyday.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would probably still be blind to much of what I know now.
About the "Real World", about spirituality, about who I am and what
I am capable of.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That I have to do it alone, and so & so has everthing, or everyone
as it were.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have her back, or at least get answers to why she left so young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was scared and confused.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I appreciate all they did for my mom, but the should have been
more realistic. Instead of avoiding my relationship with her,
thinking we would be close when she gets better, I would've been
preparing for what the doctors probably knew but weren't telling us.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They were not realistic.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
People forcing thier views and beliefs on me at a time when I needed
to find out what I believed.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was LDS/mormon, but am not now.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like something that I can trust.
--Regarding MONEY:
stress and confusion because I was too young to know so much
about it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My cousin's funeral last year was a social gathering for people
from her high school. We-the family- felt intruded upon.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The body was still there in her bed after they told me and I touched
her then, and afterwards at the funeral and It was very awkward
and strange.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
avoiding, then facing and dealing with my issues
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
She was sick for a long time and I used to wish she would die,
for my own selfish reasons. This caused me alot of guilt afterwards.
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Mon Apr 26 00:53:55 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
... in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart attack; Aged: 79.
--Details:
Very suddenly when she went to sleep one afternoon
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--Death Is:
ceasing to exist
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was to young to know what had really happened
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My mum was very upset
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
it was my dads birthday and my grandad wanted to die
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it ends suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
walking on my own
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing they were taken from me for ever
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
stay with them
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodby to my grandmother
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was afraid
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
futility
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
good
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The beauty
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
reality
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
felling really good just before hand
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it takes time
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Not very as I have got to grips with the feelings on my own
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Sun Apr 25 22:58:41 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
... in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
by accident
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 34.
--Details:
My friend got into a verbal argument with her neighbor, who was 17
at the time, and his girlfriend. My best friend and the neighbor's
girlfriend started to get into a fight, at which point her neighbor
ran inside his house, got a knife, came out, and stabbed her with it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to react. It felt as though the person were away
on vacation, it didn't really feel like anything had happened at all.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my best friend was stabbed to death in her
front yard, by her neighbor, who also happened to be my cousin.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Crying uncontrollably, and the eerie feeling I had when I received
a letter from my deceased friend five days after she had died.
She had mailed me the letter the morning of the day she was murdered.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't know!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It made me realize how much I truly cherished each and every person
in my life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
When I would just sit in my car, or at home, and listen to the
songs me and my best friend use to listen to when we would go for
long car rides. Just remembering her and all the things that I
loved about her helped the most. Because although she is gone,
I feel better for having known her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that everyone I cared about was hurt by the experience.
My family, whom I love dearly, were distraught over my young cousin's
conviction and sentencing for murder. My best friend's family,
whom I loved as though they were my own family, mourned for the
loss of a loved one who would never return. Everyone was sad,
and nothing in the whole wide world could remedy the problem.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
show her a little bit of the good life. We had been planning a trip
together, and I was going to show her the ocean, because she had
never seen it before. She had also had a pretty rough life, and
I would have liked it if she could have seen a happier side of life.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My best friend would be raising her two children as she should have.
My cousin wouldn't be spending the next forty years in prison.
A lot of things would be much better.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time, of course!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried and cried. I thought of her two young children
who were now going to grow up without a mother. I thought of all
the things we had planned to do together. Everything I looked at
for months afterwards would make me think of her.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am not religious.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
what to have the florist put on the card that came with the flowers
that I sent to the funeral. I didn't know what to say, and I really
didn't know who to direct it to. I wanted to personalize it,
to somehow give my friend one last snippet of advice before she
was put to rest. But I felt very akward telling some florist on
the other end of the telephone 1100 miles away all of my personal
thoughts that I could only have told my best friend.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The mind is a very powerful tool, and if someone is dear to you,
and they pass, it is very common to have dreams about them.
It would seem somewhat odd to me NOT to have dreams such as those.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I use to worry about everything killing me. Everyone around me that
cares about me tells me that I shouldn't go certain places, or do
certain things, because it's dangerous. Since my friend's death,
though, I have become somewhat braver. I never would have thought
that my best friend would have met her demise in her front yard,
nor would I have thought that it would have been done by the hands
of my young cousin. Death can happen in any number of inconceivable
ways. Now I don't worry about it, but I don't dismiss it either.
It's a guessing game, and I am not going to waste the rest of my
life trying to figure out when and how it's going to happen.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
The event occured in my home town, I lived (and still do) over 1100
miles away, so I was far removed from the actual frenzy surrounding
the events.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
My family was consumed with the thought of my young teenage cousin
going to jail for murder, while I was completley overcome with
grief over the loss of my best friend.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that I had been able to unload more of my feelings on my
family. I wish that they hadn't been so preoccupied with the fate
of my cousin, when it was he who had decided the fate of my friend.
I wish that I had had a shoulder to lean on, as opposed to having
to swallow my feelings in order to be the strong one for the rest
of my family.
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Sun Apr 25 16:40:46 1999
F28 in Hamilton, =New Zealand=
Email: <pjg6-at-waikato.ac.nz>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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More personal info:
Sure - post away
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: Motorcycle accident; Aged: 30.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A necessary but painful evil.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt such overwhelming sadness for all the things that could have
been.....
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My step-brother died 2 days after Christmas
this year in a motorcycle accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How our family bonded
--What I think my (New Zealand) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Nothing I can think of.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The time I had to share during the 2 days prior to the accident
occuring.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The memory of my relationship with my brother
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss of someone so special and that he had not fulfilled all
of his dreams.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Black humour is necessary to help come to terms with the death and
put everything into perspective.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for my family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
A couple who I had met briefly at a wedding approx. 2 weeks before,
and who I hardly knew, wrote to me to tell me how they were so
sorry for my loss.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am feeling particularly down about life
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He had so much to offer
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Felt so empty
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Our family and Brent were definately not religious and for us to
be able to have a non r4eligious service was wonderful.
--Regarding MONEY:
How would we be able to afford the funeral. As it happened - ACC
covered the cost. (Accident Compensation Corporation) - as it was
a road accident.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How people from such vastly different lifestyles came together as one
big family (ie his family, workmates and friends - gang members etc)
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That Brent never talked to his friends about his family but
everywhere I went people kept asking who I was - because he had
been really excited about me coming home for Christmas.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Go with the flow - don't let other people tell you how to behave
or how to grieve.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
About 2 days after his death at about 1 am in the morning (we
live in the country) we all heard a motorcycle pull up outside of
the house. It sounded like a Harley Davidson (which is what Brent
died on) and everyone woke up and went to investigate - but there
was nothing there.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Fabulous - we had a wonderful relationship and were very good
friends.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
See comment above - very spooky
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe that the funeral is really for the family and friends
rather than for the dead person - therefore what they think is for
the best is the most important.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Saying hello and goodby to his photograph each morning and night.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am just so much more aware that one must live life to the fullest.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes - with my mother - we have become very close.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Later Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Sat Apr 24 19:30:03 1999
M19 in oyster bay, New York =USA=
Name: William Bulck
Email: <foriambill-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: English Student
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Edgar Allan Poe
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: Medical problems (many); Aged: 55.
--Details:
It was a compilation of things that led to her death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
nothing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt like it should have been me and sometimes I still do.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Everyone in my family started dying.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how long it took for me to react.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that everything after is for the living.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a gift from my grandmother left to me in her will.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Anti-depressants
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
How everyone changed with the deaths but i stayed the same.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
respond to the letters my grandmother wrote to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
cry.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prescription Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
The bigges hindrance was the way i remembered evryone.
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Fri Apr 23 23:39:07 1999
F17 in Hartsville, Indiana =U.S.A.=
Name: Kelly
Email: <Katdog_81-at-gurlmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looked up surveys
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Prof/Studies: High School Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
--Details:
She suffered greatly I remember praying she would die to ease her
of her pain
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the forever lose of someone. You can never talk to them again.
It is forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and confused I thought it was a joke like they would jump
out of the coffin and yell surprise. I was wrong.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my uncle he had all sons so he took me
under his wing when I would go over there as if he wanted a daughter.
He died of digestive cancer.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact I have meet those who have died around me. It is hard to
find good people who you can talk to.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go and thinking about the past and how I can never get
it back.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it first happened I had no clue what was going on mostly the denial
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let my grandma see me graduate this year, see me get married meet
her greatgrandkids, etc. Be a part of my future not my past.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
grandma talked to me the day before she died she told me to be
good and all the normal grandma stuff but I realized it was the
last time I would ever hear that from her again.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am taking this survey. I am scared of death. I am afraid I will
go too soon.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might have turned out a little more country girl like, I would
still be talking to my cousins in the next city.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
the good die young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sleep.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cryed uncontrollably and tried to find someone who is older and
more intellent when it comes to real life situations.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
family didn't dress right or the other mourners you don't wear bibs
to a funeral it's not right.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was lying on my bed crying after the funeral and I felt a presence
then I felt someone sit on my bed next to me. I stopped crying
and told what I assumed to be my loved one to please leave they
were scaring me but I loved them very much. The presence stayed a
few minutes longer then it got cold and the dent where the person
would be sitting was gone.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I do paintings or drawings.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
denial played a big role too
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was really long I didn't have the patience to fill it all out
It brought tears to my eyes It has been years since any of these
feelings have been brought out.
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Fri Apr 23 06:58:35 1999
F41 in , ohio =usa=
Email: <hogue-at-uakron.edu>
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Found us by: [ Email Message ]
Prof/Studies: driver/dockworker/student
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More personal info:
it ok
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 21.
--Details:
Jason's friend was very drunk and Jason was not, they were on their
way home. Chris was driving very fast and lost controll of the car,
the car flipped over and Jason was killed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my great grandfather and i am not so
sure but i think he had a heart attack. Remember my mother asking
me if i wanted to kiss grandpa good-bye and how scared i was.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The pain I felt in every part of my body. This uncontrolable
whelling of emotion that would just burst. The sudden questioning
of my faith and how i believed in death and the proccess
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a support group that i go to, the visits i felt from Jason,
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i will never be able to touch and hold my son again. never to
kiss his cheek. hear him say that he loved me too
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was odd..................
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
show jason a better life, how htings were realy suppose to be in
a family. Told him more about my love for him and what he meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell him i was sorry for being a bitch and that i loved him before
he left that night
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
still very soon after Jason's death for me to say that i don't
still cry ever single night.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would probably be harping on Jason to do the right thing . and i
would still be telling him what to do....becaues like he always said
"thats my job". I would touch him more.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that Jason was starting to get his life together with a good job,
a nice car, and staying away from the alcahol. That Chris was the
one that was drunk and ddriving and he walked away with nothing.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
lay down and stop.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
fell appart, withdrew from everyone, hid in the house, tried to
make believe that it never happened.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
searching............
--Religious Affiliation:
nothing spacific. just my own feeling and own relationship with
my higher power ( Mother , Father )
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very comfortable
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't matter how much it cost i wanted it to be beautifull for
my son. it was there some how.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the kindness of the director.
mostly the many many people that
my son in his short 21 years affected. there were people telling
stories of JAson's kindness and wisdom. Somethings they were telling
me were of the part of him i never knew the part he wouldn't let me
see. I was a very strong and kind "man". I learned that he was a man
that day, up until then he was a boy in my eyes. But he was a man....
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the strong visits in dreams and home
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
On my 18 birthday i was also involved in a car accident, i was the
only one involved and fell asleep at the wheel. I did have drinks
that night but i have never believed this to be the reason i felt
the evil i felt before the accident. I remember very little but
what i do remember is laughing uncontollable and feeling evil and
then stepping on the gas. i remember the feeeling of falling to
the left and then nothing....until i woke in the car....there was
this feelling of utter peace and a knowing that i was not going
to die...not words just a knowing. Later i found out that i had
fractured my third vertabra and was in a coma for four days. The
medical personell didn't even think i would make it to the hospital
let alone live. But i knew...
What peace i felt
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am still not there yet so many issues that i am still in grievance
conseling and group meetings
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
To know that Jason is ok and that he knows that i loved him with
ever part of my being, and to know that he forgives me for past
things. To know that he approves of what i am doing and that he is
happy that i am trying to help Chris and that its Ok that he died
that he is truly happy
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
There were sooooo many. The first experience was after comeing home
from the funeral home after making the arrangements the light at
the top of the stairs wouldn't work and my first htought was oh
now what...but later that day it was working. Another time i had
a very vivid dream that Jason came to me in my dream and took me
somewhere but not sure where , it seemed beautiful like fields
and grass and mountains but not sure. The feeling i got was so
much joy and Jason was very proud...I remember then starting to
wake i felt a pull and then as waking i had the sensation that
my face couldn't stretch any bigger. I was saying "I can't smile
any bigger for you Jason, I can't smile any bigger" and the tears
were falling from my eyes. an emotion of pain and happiness all in
one. There was when the alarm in is room went off about two weeks
after his death. Pictures were found on the floor. But now there
is nothing....that is what is hard , where they real or is this real
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
wow i always thought that when i die take the parts you can use and
burn the rest, no plot to pay for etc. Have a party of friends at
the house instead. Well when Jason died i couldn't do any of that,
I feel i need to go to the "plot" and nurture. whole belief system
went array
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
so many right now that i don't even know where to start
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Not quite there yet HAve always meditaated since i was 16 but i
quess i fell more need now
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
trying to be much more patient with my other son David
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Chris the boy that was driving, lived aacross the street and they
were like brothers ,Jason loved Chris very much. I found that i
am turning my attention to Chris i fell the need to help him get
through this tragidy. As hard as it is for me i can't emagine what
it is for him to know that you killed your best friend
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
i was so young that i'm not sure that i even dealt with it
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
talk talk talk
counsiling, support groups
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Wed Apr 21 21:15:49 1999
F16 in San Diego, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was searching for information on the experiments that were done
on humans during Hitler's reign.. but I ran into this, thought I'd
stop by.
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: amonia; Aged: 40-something..
--Details:
Like I said above.. about amonia and the cancer.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when the body loses all character and the brain goes dead.
The soul goes to Heaven/Hell (depending on belief system) and is
perhaps reborn. But actual death on earth is the body shutting
down and then decomposing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was oddly calm.. more worried about my friend than myself.
My grandfathers had both died, but I was very very small.. and I
couldn't remember.
--That first time, how it happened was
It happened my sophomore in high school. My best friend's mother
was diagnosed with lung cancer, but she got amonia, and the doctors
didn't believe her.. and wouldn't take tests, saying it was the
cancer.. and so she died of that in August.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Oddly enough, the most recent death I've been really really upset
about is the death of my pet rat, and my friend's pet rabbit.
Maybe pets don't count.. but, the thought of them just leaving like
that, in their sleep, was realy depressing. I remember coming
in and then running downstairs to tell my mother that I thought
my rat was dead. When my friend found her rabbit, she came down
and had me take care of it. I could handle her rabbit, but my
rat.. I couldn't dispose of his body.
Another brush with death,
which hits a lot closer to home than pets, was the death of three
students in a car accident at my school this year. One of them I
knew since 3rd grade, the other was on the newsapaper staff with me,
the third was in my english class the previous year. I cried about
that for a very long time.. even at school.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that at funerals, we're crying for ourselves and our loss.
Everyone always says "Poor so and so.. " when it really is just
all about us and our feelings.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Dorothy, the woman who died from cancer/amonia, didn't have to go
through chemotherapy.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with my friends, going to the candlelight viguals..
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The reality that hit me, that it could have been me in that car.. it
could have been my best friend or my boyfriend..
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
It was really hard.. sometimes I don't even think about it, and
sometimes all I can think about is the empty house.. and how there
were garbage bags full of her old clothes going to charity.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 20 15:31:50 1999
F19 in Mansfield, PA =USA=
Name: Melissa O'Neil
Email: <meoneil_80-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Yahoo!
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a heart attack; Aged: 70+?.
--Details:
It was shortly after he returned home from a hip replacement surgery.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of one's life/existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't believe that he was gone and that I would no longer see
him again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not being able to talk to the minister along with the rest of the
family. They all sat in my grandparents living room talking about
things they remembered about my grandfather, and I just couldn't
do it. Instead, I stayed in the kitchen and watched tv until the
minister left. I now wish I would have joined in on the discussions
so I would of learned more about my grandfather.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to my boyfriend about it now, even though the death occurred
8 years ago this month.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to spend time with him anymore.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him and learn more about his life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know my grandfather.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Easter comes around, when I hear a certain song....
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my grandpa was taken away before he was able to watch
his grandchildren grow up and before he was able to be a great
grandfather.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried alot and had dreams that he was still alive.
--Religious Affiliation:
I consider myself to be Methodist
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
talking to my boyfriend about it now, memories, thoughts of the
afterlife, guilt
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
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Tue Apr 20 13:05:50 1999
F40 in San Diego, CA =USA=
Name: JP
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 94.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The ending of life as we know it. Cease to exist in the bodily
form. No longer present on this earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was so afraid I was going to die soon.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was 5 yrs old. My mother and I were in the
living room. She and I were the only ones home at the time. She
collapsed on the floor. The phone rang, it was my dad. I told
him she was sick and on the floor. He told me to leave the house
and go to the neighbor's house next door. He called the ambulance
from his work and met them at the house. She had died of pneumonia.
Total left lobar pneumonia.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Not wanting her to endure any pain. Telling her it was ok to go.
Everyone would be fine.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We in the United States appear to be afraid to even speak about
the subject. People avoid discussion. That it is the enevitable
for all of us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That when my mother died, her mother came and raised me with
my father. She was a wonderful lady.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A good friend that is a doctor. And having more experience with
death now that I am a nurse.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching her in periods of agony and pain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Telling them that you love them and that it's OK to go.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
That death can actually be peaceful.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She should, for all medical reasons died, but she hung on for alot
longer that expected.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Stay with her longer and not had to go back to work.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Atleast be there for her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
A birthday comes around, or the holidays, or seeing places we used
to go.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I really didn't want her to leave.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just scream.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Satisfaction. The doctor was more than willing to use strong
medications to keep her comfortable.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice people are very special.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like no matter who we are, or where we live, if there is an
hereafter, we all go to the same place. Hell can actually be right
here on Earth.
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone agreed on the financial and possession aspect.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was no funeral. Only cremation.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Having dreams at night.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of appetite, depression and extremely close to the end,
turning away from everything and everybody.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a slow, silent pain.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have had conversations in my sleep with dead relatives, especially
when I'm afraid or confused.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
This happens frequently. They come to me in a dream. We converse,
laugh and talk. I receive comfort, especially when upset, afraid,
or confused.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
A young child that wasn't told what was happening..the crying,
the funeral, the fear, not understanding what had happened.
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Mon Apr 19 21:01:29 1999
F42 in Brooklyn, New York =USA=
Name: Kathy L.
Email: <nyukat-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Doctoral candidate
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Kidney failure; Aged: 70.
--Details:
He was ill for over 1 year....slowly slipping away (organ shut down)
and yet when he passed away it still was a terrible shock
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life cycle
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not very affected by it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandfather died. We were away for the
summer. Only my parents returned for the funeral. Never felt close
to him so didn't feel much sadness.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The depth of grief by all of us in immediate family
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's a natural part of life cycle
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My father's passing made me step back and truly appreciate what a
wonderful man he was
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family support
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing how much he suffered near the end
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Upon first hearing of it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
there was nothing abnormal about it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend one last weekend with my father...was supposed to go visit him
the weekend he died, but my own children were sick, so I cancelled,
planning on going the next weekend
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be a source of strength to my mother
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The grief of so many of the people who had been in thrice-weekly
dialysis with my father. I'd never met them before, but their
stories of how uplifting and kind he was will be with me forever
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Can't think of anything
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see my son serving mass as an alter boy...my father was very
religious and would have been so proud
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd have much more patience for my father's fallability. I'd have
told him more often how special he was.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He didn't get to meet all his grandchildren
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
touch his face once more, or hear him call me his "little girl"
again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
fell apart, crying uncontrollably...then quickly focused in on
getting to my family (two states over) as quickly as I could
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude...I think everything that could be done for my father
was....and the response of medical personnal at his dialysis center
was unexpected.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
If it meant anything to me at all, it was because church was such
an important part of my father's life. I feel him with me whenever
I'm at mass
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
untrue
--Regarding MONEY:
It was a non-issue. My father arranged for his death and my mother's
continued financial survival. No one ever thought about money. We
just wanted to make sure my mom was taken care of and we knew that
she would be.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How supportive everyone was...how my 2 year old nephew kept going
over to the casket and "talking" with grandpa....how much I touched
my father when he was laid out.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
picking out his coffin and insisting on the most expensive
underground cement lining to know that as long as I was alive,
he would be preserved.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of appetite, energy
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It consumed me at first. He was everywhere...in my dreams, in
my thoughts. There was an overwhelming sadness of which I never
thought possible.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none that I know of
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I'm sure he knows how much he was loved and respected. I still miss
him terribly, though. He was the caring and physically and verbally
affectionate parent...and I miss that. An unresolved issue...I feel
I could have told him more often how special he was and I deal
with the fact that I wasn't there when he died even though I was
supposed to be.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Me: "Do you realize that you were the kindest most generous person
I ever knew."
Him: "I'm proud of what you've done with your life."
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
He appeared in dreams constantly that first year. In the beginning,
I could see him and he I, but we couldn't touch or be heard by
each other. This made me sad and I longed to make some kind of
contact with him in my dreams. Then, in one dream, we were able
to touch each other and hugged and kissed and I stroked his hair,
but no words were spoken.Then, in another dream, the whole family
was sitting around the kitchen table with my father sharing our
grief and feelings over his upcoming death and he was comforting us
all. Most recently, I was driving home from school one evening when
I noticed that my car didn't feel right. That night I dreamed I was
driving home on the same route and in my rear-view mirror I could
see my father driving the car behind me. We both kept smiling...so
happy to see each other...and I had a great sense of comfort. The
next day I found out that the engine mount was damaged and that the
engine could have fallen out of my car at any moment. I've wondered
if that dream signifies my father's protection of me the night I
drove home with car trouble.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Death with dignity. My father choose to die at home and my mother
and the rest of the family kept him as comfortable as possible. I
am so grateful that he did not die in a hospital with tubes and
resuscitation orders, etc. It's important to detail in your will
your own feelings about DNR's.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Absolutely...I suddenly became very mortal after my father died. It
was as if that layer of protection between me and death (my living
parents) was broken. Also, my father, as we would say..."had one foot
in the grave 20 years before he died"...because he was preoccupied
with his own fears regarding death in the midst of multiple health
problems. I sometimes fear that I'm now carrying that banner for him.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
surrounding my self with pictures of my father
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Being there for my mom was as much a help to me as it was to her. I
guided her through all the arrangements and all four other siblings
surrounded her with love and protection.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was weird. It brought back many parts of the process that I
hadn't thought about for awhile. I cried at some points in the
questionnaire, but filling this out also made me remember the
close, loving support each member of my immediate family had for
one another during this time.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Maybe a question regarding the status of one's relationship with
the close loved one prior to death and it's impact on the grieving
process.
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Mon Apr 19 00:25:01 1999
M26 in Nederland, Texas =USA=
Name: Thomas
Email: <tbrew-at-usa.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Security
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 81.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When we cease to exist in a material state. Beyond that, I don't
know, because I have never expierenced it first hand.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was sad that I couldn't see them anymore.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Grandmother died when I was 5. Parents told me
that she wasn't hurting anymore. It helped me see death as something
that isn't always bad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I seemed to be one of the few that wasn't visibly upset.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We don't know what will happen. So worrying about it is merely a
waste of time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The pain my Grandma was expierencing stopped.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mother.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
WOndering why I didn't reack physically the way they were.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
They will be scared normally. Talk to them like the strong person
they were. They will see through any lies you give them. But you
can do this in a comforting mannor.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Dealt with the death in my own way. I greaved, but for the times
that we couldn't share anymore. And for the loss itself.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I noticed people tend to want to prolong it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It helped relieve the tension.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Hug her and tell her I loved her just one more time. Just once more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Say goodbye to her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
You find out how many friends a person has, by the looks on their
faces.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The ceremony itself.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
This is the only time.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
DOn't know. Waste of time to ponder the impossible.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That she was the one to leave. And not the bad people who deserve
it more.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Completely detach myself.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Learned how to live with a memory instead of the person.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
There comes a time when the family must refuse treatment, to
be humane.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Me: Nothing
Family: Everything
--Religious Affiliation:
Agnostic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Wrong. Her spirit to me is my memories of her.
--Regarding MONEY:
I learned where the greed was placed within in my family.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The amount of friend that turned out.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Meeting people that I never knew, but knew me. And a bond of sorts
was fomed from the expierence.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Too broad a question. Too many variables.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Was a fervent hope that I die quickly.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
None, she is in my memory. And is just that, a memory.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My mother expierenced it.
I haven't therefore I can't judge. But
I am very skeptical.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issues. SHe knew I loved her. They are my issues,
ultimately I am the only one who may resolve them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Hmmm, I would like her to see me as an adult. So I could see her
smile again. But that is a dream and cannot really help.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Never happened to my knowledge.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe a persons requests should be followed to the letter out
of respect. Weather they show up to my funeral or not, I don't
care. If they cared they would have shown it in my life. After all,
I will be dead. How will I know if someone showed up.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My own death only bothers me in one way. I won't be there to watch
over my daughter. Other than that, it is not a fear of mine. I will
die someday. And I accept that.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My family has a big party the night before the funeral. Don't know
what the ladies do, but the guys drink and talk about the person
who has just passed on. In a good way.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I view death as a release from this world. Into what, I don't
know. But I don't fear it.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No. My family is very reserved. WHen you leave the house, you are
gone. One or two calls a year are expected, but that is it. We
gather when there is a death, never any other time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
At a recent friends funeral. I told his little sister that God
must have needed an angel. Although I don't follow that belief,
it seemed to comfort her.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It reaffirmed the fact that I see death differently than most people
I know. Due to my religious lack of beliefs or whatever.
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Sat Apr 17 21:56:33 1999
F15 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania =united states=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of the end...also a new beginning for the survivors.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't cry. I think I was in shock that my daddy was gone.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My dad got sick with cancer. And he died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
An 18 year old friend of mine was drunk and died when he wrecked
his car on a curve. I remember viewing his body, and he was so
young and he had a beautiful girlfriend. He had so much to live for.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
children can not deal with death without counciling. I am messed
up because of it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Death has taught me to cherish every second on earth.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that people loved me and that they were there...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I am not going to see him ever again, it scares me.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Made it...it is possible but very hard...It makes it hard to commit
in a relationship
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I started understanding what death really was
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's a way to release all the stress and emotions inside without
completely losing it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye.I didn't get to go to the hospital at all the last time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have 10 years with a great man like my dad
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw how many flowers were at the funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how nice the flowers looked...they shouldn't have been there...he
shouldn't have died
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see my mom putting pictures away...or if i see a dad with his
little girl.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would spend more time with dad and appreciate him more.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I wanted him longer, god, why did you take my daddy away? he was
going to teach me how to drive.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go see him in heaven to check on him see if he's ok
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried...it just hit me 5 months ago and my dad died 4 years ago...I
had to be strong for my mom...but then i couldn't do it anymore.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
amazement good and bad
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
we didn't have a hospice...my dad was supposed to make it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It didn't mean mucha t first but it is becoming more important...
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a baptist..
--Regarding MONEY:
I have to pick what i want more carefully i can't get anything
anymore with only one income
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone was really kind.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the buriel
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't know...
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you have to talk about it...it won't get any better if you don't
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I was on very good terms with my dad when he died except i never
said goodbye because i thought he was coming back..
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Zoning Out
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Sat Apr 17 18:38:50 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
... in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Car crash; Aged: 17.
--Details:
I can't talk about it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our spirit leaves our body and goes to heaven to watch over
there loved ones.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I sat in my room and cryed for days, and did nothing else.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...itwas mt great-grandma that i didn't know
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It showed my that I sould have told him how I felt about him
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's not God taking them away from us, they just change forms but
never leave.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That they died instantly and there was no suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I had just seen them a few hours earlier.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never had the urge.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To change there plans for that night so they wouldn't be on that
road.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know them while they were alive.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
What caused the accident.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The band would have to play "pomp and cercumstance" one extra time
for them to walk down and get their diplomas.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they were so nice to me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go back and change it all.
--Religious Affiliation:
I'm my own religion, I don't like organized religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting
--Regarding MONEY:
nothing mattered.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
People came just to get out of school
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I saw it happen, but I wasn't there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it would have been better to go to the funeral for closure
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
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Fri Apr 16 20:50:57 1999
M33 in Washington, N.C. =Beaufort=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Brother called and requested me to search this site
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Prof/Studies: Roeske
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More personal info:
The way my father died shouldn't ever be experienced by any family
member
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: doctor's accident; Aged: 73.
--Details:
It was a accident in which my father's head was punchered.The
doctor's covered up their mistake and lied to the family.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is the final act that is performed alone after the time on
this world is completed.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was with my Grandmother.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a swimming accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My father dying alone
--What I think my (Beaufort) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The respect the dead have earned by commencing in the 'State of rest
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The experience I had approx.two weeks after my father's death. An
experience for which their is no explaination.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The fact of my faith in God brought me through.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
They,the doctor's took the most precious thing of my father and
that was my father's mind
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
The thought of respect I had for the person that ment so much.And
the last act of love that gives you peace from within.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Iwas so strong for my mother,I often wonder how I gathered the
straingth to be such a strong person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Iwas told that his condition was temperary,and that he would be ok
through the eighteen day of the stay in the hospital
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Don't feel that guilt,You were in shock
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have known what really was transpiring before me in the last days
of my fathers death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend the time with my father,even though he really didn't know I
was there til the seven hours before he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My father asked for me,and other family came beside me and he made
a joke.To this day I think my father wanted to tell me something..
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who sent what flowers
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember how 'my love one'had died.Also what he endured to get
to that state.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Knowing my father has been in the other dimension for a year,he
would want to show me around by taking my hand.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
How the doctor felt that my fathers life and family wasn't important
enough to be honest with.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Turn back the hands of time and warn him not to undergo the surgury.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was distrought in knowing of all that had happened and was performed
in a life saving acts?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
did'nt have that prosess
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
feelings of hypocercy
--Religious Affiliation:
lutheren
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
all in perfect harmony
--Regarding MONEY:
Money nevered was an issue with me
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It carried on like it wasn't about a death,just a family meeting
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing my father in a state of death
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the sence of the person having complete mind and body equalality
in the remembrence of the memeries experienced in the past.Gives
people a faulse feeling that everythings going to be alright.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It was the hardrst experience to know that the doctors kept to
themsrlves the fact that the patient was going to die the family
should be involved in the dieing process
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My Grandmother at one point started to talk to HER Lord.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Iwas involved in a car accident and felt a sence of peacefulness
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no important issues that I feel strongly that I need to
talk about
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If I had just five minutes to just have a conversation I think
thats all It would take .
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My father,or spirit seemed to have come back aprox.two weeks after
death and Ifelt a shock through my body that woke me up in pure
shock.Afterwards my desease went into remission.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The wishes are the last action of a dying person and should be
aheard to.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Iwould just want the people that I love to kmow that I loved them
very much
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Mentioning him in prayer almost each an every time I pray
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Sometimes I talk to him like he's still alive
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My mother aand I are closer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
It wasn't addressed
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
The death of my Grandfather
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
To be as honest as you can be
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought to the surface some things Ihaven't thought of sence my
father's passing
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Think they were all dirrect
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Fri Apr 16 10:45:55 1999
F18 in port edward, british columbia =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2-3 ago.
Cause of Death: pnuemonia; Aged: 90.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body is worn out and sick the soul leaves it and
goes on
to the afterlife.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
worried about others dying.
--That first time, how it happened was
my cat
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
mom telling us that grandpa wasnt afraid of death and that he had
jokingly told to her to prop him up in the back seat of the car
and drive him to the morgue.
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to fear it, not to be disgusted by it and that if a
terminally
ill person WANTS to die then they should be allowed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
not seeing the burial
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Thu Apr 15 17:31:10 1999
M19 in Cottage Grove, MN =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 51.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The cessation of life.
--That first time, how it happened was
One of my distant cousins of my mom had died and I was four.
We drove a really long way to go to the funeral, and since I didnt
know who it was, I wasnt sad about the death, but sad for my mother.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is not the end. There's nothing to fear from death.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the only reason I laughed at the wake was because I thought of
something that my father would have laughed at, and I felt like
laughing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That my father really didnt die, and that he's in heaven with Jesus.
--Religious Affiliation:
Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod Lutheran
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 15 15:09:30 1999
F17 in Ashland, Wisconsin =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone has gone to a better place off of this earth. They
have left themselves spiritually.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was completely shocked. One of my friends got killed in a car
crash. I didn't believe it at first.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my great-grandma. So by my parents
force I had to go to the funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing the person lying in the coffin. It freaked me out bad.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing. My parents taught me about death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Thu Apr 15 15:08:22 1999
F17 in Ashland, ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone has gone to a better place off of this earth. They
have left themselves spiritually.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was completely shocked. One of my friends got killed in a car
crash. I didn't believe it at first.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my great-grandma. So by my parents
force I had to go to the funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing the person lying in the coffin. It freaked me out bad.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing. My parents taught me about death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
Wed Apr 14 22:39:53 1999
F54 in stamford, connecticut =u.s.a.=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More personal info:
i have lost my entire family..so it has been difficult...but this
questionnaire does not make me "feel" what I really do feel...I
don't know, something too "impersonal" yet requiring a lot of
information for your data.....and no, do not post
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life after Life....; Life after Death...:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 years ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 72.
--Details:
was slow and she suffered a lot...and had a hard personal life in
her last 4 years...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when life ceases, our existence becomes extremely final..we are gone.
cease to exist.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not believe it...I never thought death would come close to me,
had had no preparation for death whatsoever.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...best friend had a car accident....
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
she had such a hard life before going....i couldn't handle the
finality of her death.
--What I think my (u.s.a.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it happens to everyone...and not be denied...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i got a message, when my grandmother died...an overwhelming message,
not explainable...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I never had any support with any of my family's deaths...
having
a beloved pet dog helped....
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never going to be with me again....gone forever.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be with them and hold them and let them know you love them when
they are dying....
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
could survive without them...
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
doctor before hand asked for an autopsy....
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never felt the urge to laugh...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not have been flippant day before she died....and told her i loved
her...as opposed to being a smart ass about answer when she asked
"do you love me?" I didn't know she was dying...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with her when she died....
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
feet become cold first...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
fancy burial
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i get up in the morning and realize my mom is gone....and willnot
be there for me, as no one loves you like a mother, not ever in
your life..no one...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
would be peaceful and loving and no stress on the other side.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why her?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just go and be with her in peace....and be with my family in
heaven...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
maintained my strength through the funeral and all...fell apart
about 3 months later each time...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ABSOLUTE DISGUST...NO MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS, ESPECIALLY PHYSICIANS
SHOW ANY FEELING OR COMPASSION...UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO THEIR
FAMILY...SEEN IT..WORKED FOR DR...
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
another friend had hospice..were great, like family for dying
person...think they need this love....when family can not be
there 24/7.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NOthing...priest did not show up...that mother had worshipped,
sent new priest....so meant zilch...
--Religious Affiliation:
non practicing Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
an all encompassing God or higher power...
--Regarding MONEY:
it saved my future...for sure...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how well today people accept death...and then party afterward....i
don't like it at all...
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how it is so sudden.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
shallow breathing...body getting cold....no response...maybe seeing
peace or resignation (or maybe hellucinatory state)
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It sucks.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my mother for days claimed she saw her long deceased mother and my
deceased father....
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
lost heart once...but remember zilch,,, no white light or anything
of the sort...think is possibility death is just death...gone, over,
done, finished, through....don't know. have read much about life
after death, life after life...don't know, haven't been there yet.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
think it could have been left better....can not resolve issues,
they need to be addressed with that person that passed...all i do
to do this is to pray and talk to her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I wish we had both said "I love you"....and "I am so sorry there
was so much hurt in our relationship on both parts."
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
t.v. has changed channels in midst of my watching something...vacuum
has gone on when no one near it...and sometimes feel sense of
someone here..
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Your family and physicians need to be made aware of what your
wishes are relative to life support, how far to go, etc...This is
imperative...I know if I were severely ill, I would want assistance
in dying (i.e. morphine o.d., whatever...no need for anyone to
suffer and linger).
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
On one hand I feel like I want to die...live alone for first time
ever....and am very lonely, but I seem to want to "control" my own
death. On the whole, I am sick now...so often do fear dying....being
alone in death...being maybe alone after death....petrified of the
"unknown"....Also maybe worse fate after death, who knows?
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just private talks with my deceased loved ones.....there is no
permanent closure in losing a loved one...
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
No, none.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes, but lost contact since 1992...but did help..person was nursing
aide who befriended me a great deal.....felt like she was a 2nd
daughter.....
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just someone to have not left me totally "alone"...someone to have
been supportive and showed me love and understanding during times
of my losses....
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Not all that useful....you expect too many deep answers..think your
questioning should be more of like a select a.b. or c...you are a
survey..for grief...this is a bit too much....too much expectations
in explanations...
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Redo them all...a b c.....selections, not so specific and too
personal....but questions not worded all that correctly to give one
the sensing of what they felt in grief....sorry, is just my feeling.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 14 20:54:42 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
... in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: I put her to sleep; Aged: 13.
--Details:
She was having trouble getting around so my mother told me I had
to make a decision. She was too old for surgery, so it was the
only option left to me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of consciousness...as far as we know.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my grandfather. I knew him, but we
weren't close. It was all pretty surreal and I don't feel like
I really understood fully what was going on. I just remember my
father being sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how guilty I felt for not having treated her better when she
was alive.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to be more emotionally supportive.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned to appreciate the people I love and learned to show it
more while they're still around.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having someone listen.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the lack of her presence. We had grown up together. It was weird
not having her there. She was a very reassuring presence.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't leave them alone.
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
still struggle a little with the guilt and will always miss her.
But the love I have is stronger than both of those emotions.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why it had to happen.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just spend more time. Though I suppose, in retrospect, it would
have never seemed like enough.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
cope.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone brings it up. I don't know...it's weird...it'll always
make me a little sad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Hah...I do think about that. We'd be together all the time.
Just like before.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that's it. It's just not fair.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget about it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't like it one bit. It was unfair.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
Believe in God; don't much care for organized religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
never thought about it.
--Regarding MONEY:
n/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
n/a
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
my total denial. Intellectually, it didn't make sense. But there
you go.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't think you can ever be truly "prepared."
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I lived in the anger stage for a long time.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've had a couple of dreams with her in them.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I just want her to know how much she was appreciated.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
She was just there in my dreams. In the backdrop. I would be so
happy to see her. But she wouldn't play an active role. I just
would get this sense of security and safety.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Just leave well enough alone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not looking forward to it, but there's not much I can do about
it, either.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I keep her picture where I can see it anytime I want.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I don't much like to talk about it with people, cuz I feel like
they'll think it's stupid for me to be so attached to a dog.
But what they don't understand is that we truly did grow up together,
and in all the moving around we did when I was a child, she was
the one constant.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
n/a
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
n/a
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Wed Apr 14 02:54:01 1999
F in Athens, =Greece=
Email: <amodini-at-eexi.gr>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More personal info:
Channeling and Reiki Healer, using also other alternative healing
techniques and meditations ,especially those based on Osho's
meditations and therapies
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 17 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 53.
--Details:
very painfully in a hospital ,her last wish was to die at her home
but it was never fulfilled because of doctos denial to move her home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
loss of physical contact with our beloveds
traveling to an unknown
space and meeting strange non human entities there
fear of being
alone into emptiness without the warmth of other friendly souls
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt responsible an guilty as if I had murdere that inividual
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of having a hole in the heart
--What I think my (Greece) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with the time and space between life and death
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I realise the beauty and the poetry of living on this Earth
after surviving a suicide attempt
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nature above all:feeling one with it
and later on following
consciously the path of spirituality, the path of the mystic
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I couldn't offer any relief to them at that time
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
love an affection, an environment in Nature or at least the presence
of Nature even into a dark hospital's room
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
took responsibility of my fear to BE with adying person gradually
by accepting it through the years
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to exist alone,stand by myself without the person who has died
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is just a magic healing by itself
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be more aware about the connection between life and death as the
2 aspects of the same coin, actually I missed a sort of education
of that kind
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
come back to life after a suicie attempt an having the opportunity to
become more and more conscious about the many dimensions of existing
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the need of being in a beautiful setting according to the dying
indiviual's wishes
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the spiritual preparation of the dying person to welcome death
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I still feel panicked denying to myself to admit the fact that
there is alink of being in contact with the dead
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I woul like to heal all the wounds of my mother and the wounds of
our relationship
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to live in a society and civilization not really respecting Death
as part of Life process
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
accept the reality of my limited power and knowledge and compassion
capacity at the time that my Momm died
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt terribly guilty because I idn't prevent it an I idn't at least
made it easier for the person
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
how much icy cold and without any compassion thei attitude was
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
anger for their lack of sensitivity
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing at all because of their phony ,hypocritical presence
--Religious Affiliation:
christian orthodox -used to be
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
all are one, death and life are one, unconitional,univesal,cosmic
LOVE is the substance of Existence itself
--Regarding MONEY:
terrible expenses of medical care
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
horrible phony
I missed areal after death process releasing emotions
and healing the wounds of loss and guilt within me
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how to explain to others how I felt
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
accept openly to a friendly milieu any feeling of guilt,don't
suppress it
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Out of the body experience
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
OBE an NDE have happened to me and my mother
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
reiki meditation spiritual guidance and channeling are my healing
ways for the still unsolved issues with dead inividduals and
Death itself
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
love an light of love iagery where we all are one
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
2 years after My Mother passe away she visited me in broad daylight
and 8 years later during a reiki session too
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I woul like to be buried in a specific way and place
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I' m working on this during this phase of my life
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
reiki istant healing
light meditations
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I became more open loving an receptive with more unerstaning for
myself an other people
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
all my close friends have a deep sensitivity over death
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Superstition
fear of unknown negative entities overpowering an possessing my
soul during OBE and NE
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
still working on that!
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
great! it seemed a process by itself releasing a lot of tension in
me an revealing some basic truths too!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Actually I' rather to complete the questionnaire after I'll complete
this phase of working on my death issues!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 13 21:10:35 1999
M28 in Jersey City, New Jersey =USA=
Name: Mike
Email: <Redgoalie-at-AOL.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Social Worker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 52.
--Details:
My Dad never gave up hope. He pursued every avenue of treatment,
i.e. chemo, radiation, experimental drugs, visualization, etc..
He progressively got weaker and weaker, sicker and sicker, thinner
and thinner. He was on pain killing medicine, at times too much.
It made him hallucinate sometimes. This was especially difficult
to see, because toward the end, all my Dad had left was his mind.
His body was completely failing. He eventually passed away quietly
and peacefully, surrounded by his family. His hope to get well,
and his continued good spirit was an inspiration to me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
...tricky. It's a permanant loss of a person. You're never going to
see them again. It's a straight forward concept, but your mind does
not want to accept it. At first, you can't believe that that person
is gone. You can't believe that you will never see their face,
or hear their voice again. As time goes by, you begin to accept
slowly. You begin to cope. Some times are harder than others.
I'm not sure if us humans are capable of ever totally accepting,
because you might occasionally find yourself thinking about the
person, talking to them, or even realizing that a part of them
lives on in you. Death is difficult because you have to let go of
someone that you don't want to let go of.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didn't understand. I was only about 5 years old the first time I
went to a wake. I knew something was wrong, but I wasn't sure what.
Everyone else was sad, so I felt sad too.
--That first time, how it happened was
My first real experience with death came when my father passed away.
He was diagnosed with colon cancer. Pre-tesing showed that the
tumors could be removed with no significant, long lasting effects,
but by the time the operation was carried out, the cancer had
spread to my Dad's liver. This severely changed the prognosis,
and my Dad passed away two years later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Trying to be brave, but crying in front of everyone anyway.
The emotion was unstoppable for me. It was overpowering sadness
and pain. The pain is probably the single thing I remember most.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I had a chance to really get to know my Dad. We didn't see each
other often as I was growing up, and he wasn't a very affectionate
fellow. We were closer during the time he was sick than ever before.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mom and friends.
There was one strange thing that gave me
strength, as well. When I went to my Dad's office to bring home
his personal belongings (shortly before he died), I saw this piece
of paper my Dad had hanging near his desk. I know this is totally
crazy, but the paper had a cartoon drawn on it. It was a picture of
a frog being swallowed by a stork. The frog's arms were sticking out
of the storks mouth, and the frog was choking the stork, fighting for
his life. Underneath, the caption read: "I'll never, ever give up!"
It's crazy, but this cartoon inspired me. My Dad exemplified this
cartoon. He never gave up. To this day I think of this cartoon,
and my Dad's courage when things get difficult for me. My Dad's
courage, and a way to visualize it was a source of support for me.
Many times I felt like the frog during my Dad's illness, and his
subsequent passing. This crazy cartoon brought me a lot of strength.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Getting to know him, then having to let go.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be yourself. You don't have to have all the answers. Just being
there, and just being yourself is very valuable.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Realized that I'm a part of my Dad, and he's a part of me.
He's still here, I see him in the mirror every day.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Financial matters (will and insurance money) were discussed.
It got messy, and my Dad didn't have very much to leave behind.
I felt like priorities were getting screwed up.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
The mind can't accept too much of only one thing for a long time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Get to know my Dad while he was healthy.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I said "I love you" to my Dad for the first time I ever remember.
He would never say it first, but he did say it back!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
A situation in a movie reminds me of my Dad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Sadly, I probably still wouldn't know him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I'm just getting to know him. Now he's gone.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Resolve all the conflict in my head.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had many conflicted emotions. Anger, guilt, sadness, and relief.
All at the same time.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Helplessness. There was no stopping the cancer. We all could see
it coming, and there was nothing anyone could do.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Didn't go to hospice. In & out of the hospital. More in than out.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It was important. It offered support on one specific level, but
not on all levels.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Comforting. Reassuring.
--Regarding MONEY:
Everyone was turning against each other. Everyone wanted to
cash in. To some, money became a priority. There were forgeries,
and everything!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My friend Rich was there every single minute. Even when I couldn't
hang out with him, he was there, just in case I needed him. We had
grown apart a little bit just before this time, but he really came
through for me. He's a true friend. I'll never forget that.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Severe weight loss. Not being able to eat. Blood coming from places
where it shouldn't. The need for excessive, ongoing pain medication.
Blood transfusions, and machines that help a person do what they
normally can do on their own.
If they have a vision of God, the end
is probably all too close.
One very wierd thing is this (and I'm
not the only one who has observed this): If someone is really sick,
sometimes just before they die (like a day or two), they seem like
they suddenly get better. Their complexion might get a real healthy
color, or they might get out of bed and walk around if they haven't
been able to. They might tell jokes, and seem completely pain free.
They seem to suddenly re-gain strength & have a sense of calmness
or peace. It seemed like he was rallying. It was really wierd.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't think that any pattern could possibly apply to everyone.
Feel. Just feel. You will experience a vast array of emotions.
Let them come and go. Don't force yourself to experience anything.
It will happen on its own.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I didn't realize this was common. I described it as weird in a
question above.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have a lot of unresolved stuff. We didn't have much contact as
I was growing up. I think that's a big one for me. How have I
resolved it? I'm not sure I ever will. Forgiveness is important,
I think. It seems to have helped a bit.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask my Dad if he would do things differently as a father.
I think he might.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I swear to God I saw my Dad one time after he died. It was quite
uncanny. My Dad took me to a few hockey games when I was a kid.
I knew he was a big hockey fan. I never, ever played organized
hockey while my Dad was alive. Quite some time after he died,
I tried out for, and made it, onto an organized hockey team.
I was fortunate to be selected as the starting goalie. We were a
few minutes into the first period of my first actual game. I was
as nervous as could be, my knees were shaking bad. When the play
moved out to center ice, I looked down toward the opposing goalie.
Through the glass behind the other goalie, I swear I saw my Dad
standing there watching. Smiling. Tears started running down
my face. I couldn't believe it! When there was a break in the
action, I took off my mask to clear my eyes. I looked back again,
and he was gone. I dedicated the game to him. We wound up losing
pretty bad, but I think my Dad would have been real proud anyway,
just because I made it out there, and I was trying as hard as
I could. He still would have given me a ribbing, though!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe that as long as a person is of sound mind, their wishes
should be respected, no matter what others might think is right.
I would hope that my loved ones could respect my wishes, even if
they might not agree with them 100%.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I couldn't stop thinking about my own death for a while. Males in my
family seem to be dying at a younger age each generation that passes.
I try not to think about it too much, it gets real depressing if
you think about it too much. If I knew I was going to die soon,
I would try to make peace with anyone I've had conflict with.
I would like to be with the people I feel most comfortable around.
I would try to leave behind a legacy of kindness, generosity,
and benevolance. I would try to make the most of each day.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I realize that I'm half composed of my Dad. I believe that he can
live on in me. I believe that he can still see me, even though I
can't see him. I try to make him proud of me. I feel pretty good
when I think he might be proud.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I talk to my Dad and ask him to help me when things get hard.
I ask him to give me guidance, or to lend me some of his courage.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My friend "Flan." I knew him when we were teenagers, then I didn't
see him for about 10 or 12 years. I ran into him playing hockey
in the park one afternoon. We hit it off right away, and started
hanging out again. Turns out, his birthday is the same as my Dad's,
and he reminds me of my Dad in a lot of ways. Pretty wierd, man.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Co-workers & job. They were understanding and supportive. More than
I expected.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
Childhood relationship with my Dad.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I don't know that my thinking is any different now than before
I answered this questionnaire. I can say that I re-lived some
things that I haven't experienced in a while, and I definately
filled up with tears a couple of times during the process.
This is a pretty powerful instrument you've got here. It's good.
Brings out emotions.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I didn't have any trouble with the questions. I thought the
wording was OK.
I can't think of much else to include. This is
pretty comprehensive!
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Tue Apr 13 11:57:32 1999
F33 in , =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 87.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of existence as the people around us know it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 5.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a sibling who died in an accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
That they were ready to go. No fear of dying.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to run from it. It is natural, and it happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I was with this person in their life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing them in my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was young. I couldn't figure out why people were upset when my
brother died, since he was so young. They kept saying he must have
gone to heaven, and so I thought they should be more excited.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a natural response to thinking about the humorous things
the person did or said.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Do more things with them, or ask more questions about their childhood
experiences.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
love them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I could really use their wisdom to think about things in life.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Difficult to say, since it's not something that I do. I tend to
think of the person as they were, rather than as they might have
been in the future. Too many variables to predict.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that they had to die so young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought that I saw him everywhere.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community needs to accept death as a natural occurrence
as well, rather than as something they have to beat.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
In the past, it was important. Now it is not.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past: Anglican
Current: Atheist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like a common bond with nature and the universe. It's wonderous,
really.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the arguments over religion. ONe person thought that a
previously-catholic person (now Anglican) should have a catholic
burial, despite the deceased's clear instructions beforehand.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Waking up in the middle of the night and throwing up around the
time the person died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I have no idea. I don't know what happens after death, since nobody
has ever 'really' been there. "Near-death" is not the same as death,
so it's hard to say what happens after all the neurotransmitters
quit moving through the cells.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
A period of sorrow, followed by contemplation and loving memories,
and then keeping a routine helped.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
No idea, other than that my grandmother was reported to have got
up out of bed earlier in the night, and said, "I have to go, my
husband is getting tired of waiting for me". She died 14 years to
the day that he died.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I can't think of any. I suppose if I did, I'd talk to friends or
seek the help of a professional. Depends upon how much it would
disrupt my life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes, my brother was in a dream that I had, warning of impending
problems with my parents' marriage. I look back on those kinds of
dreams as my own experience coming out during the dream process,
rather than something metaphysical.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Sure - I used to count stairs, and felt a constant need to pray. It
bordered on being compulsive, so I stopped it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I can't think of any that I currently engage in.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
Since I did not attend the funeral, it seemed impossible.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Too many questions. You need to create a shorter questionnaire. I'd
suggest taking your findings from this one, and creating a
likert-scale questionnaire. Keep some of the open-ended ones,
but keep it shorter.
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Mon Apr 12 03:55:28 1999
F22 in Brighton, =England=
Name: Josie
Email: <Josieflower-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetan Bok of Living and Dying and On Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Soygal Rinopoche/ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: fasting; Aged: 73.
--Details:
He was monk in india who had decided he had no desires left, he
felt fulfilled. He decided to die by fasting, similar to the
jain method. he was very happy to be dying. I loved him, he was
an inspiration and still is.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a natural process, part of the life cycle.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was very young and found it easy to accept.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...
my grandfather died, I felt alright about it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
his beautiful smile.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
be more open about it, know death, talk about it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Being born into the world, having the chance to live, to come to
know death, to learn.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
crying and feeling loved.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
physical loss.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Learning to love and be able to let go because you love someone
and wish them well. Life moves on and changes, death happens all
the time.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I can't think of a time.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing at death is simply a relase of tension, usually an
expression of something deeper, its ok.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see the beauty of death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The monk showed me his 'samadi box' (coffin) with real pride and joy.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
can't think of anything.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wonder if there are still enogh beautiful people so full of
love and wisdom in the world, I sometimes wish for their guidance,
I suppose it doesn't really matter if they're dead. The universe
is a whole, ther is only transformation, nothing really disappears
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'm glad he died, he wanted to. It's alright for people to die,
I might miss them, but I'm glad for what we've shared.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Well I get upset when children or anyone dies in a horrible way,
or at the suffering of loss.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Maybe I haven't experienced the depth of loss of some people,
but I don't wish to change the experiences I've had aroud death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
When I lost someone I really loved Ihad a very wonderful experience,
a kind of spiritual experience, it may sound corny, but it is true
and it was amazing, i felt able to let go ifelt lots of love.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
None.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Buddhism has been a great support to me.
--Religious Affiliation:
buddhist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are all pure and wonderful in essence.
--Regarding MONEY:
none.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The only funeral that I've formally been to was dull and uninspiring.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How much I love and fear it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
wanting to be quiet, maybe alone or with very few people around.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
cring is really important
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have none, but I'm sure they happened for many if not all of the
ones I knew who died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I've been quite close to death. I never had an NDE but ifelt calm
and ok.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with any of those who have died, as
far as I'm aware.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think it is important to follow the wishes of the dead or dying
as much as possible, it's what I'd want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like to meditate and spend time with those I love.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Lighting a candle, saying a prayer, singing a mantra for them,
wishing them well and holding their love with me.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I remember them and smile usually.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I was young and it a natural process, I felt fine about it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
Other people not wanting to talk about it, or being afraid
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My mother.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I enjoyed it.
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Sat Apr 10 13:31:42 1999
F24 in , New Jersey =USA=
Email: <jlogan1-at-falcon.lhup.edu>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Through a university for my psychology course
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Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 6 ago.
Cause of Death: motorcyle accident; Aged: 22.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a final exit. A time when life ends and others who knew the person
can only live with the memories.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not believe that it really happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my cousin, who was 4 years older than I,
was killed in a motorcycle accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how upset my aunt and uncle were after my cousin was killed.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
when a person dies, everyone focuses only on the death and not so
much the person's life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have learned to live every day as if it were my last.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The support from my friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that my cousin was a few years older than me- when I think
of death, I only think of people who are elderly and who have lived
their life- but with my cousin, she was only 22 and just starting
her life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was having nightmares about my cousin and I began to think that
maybe she wasn't really dead.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my cousin more often.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know her when she was alive.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think that one day my parents will die too.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My family would still see my aunt, uncle and cousin for the holidays,
something that we no longer do.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It is not fair that my cousin had to die at such a young age.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time and make everything better.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt horrible that her life got cut so short. The only thing that
has made me feel better about this situation was time.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I prayed for my cousin and hoped that God would accept her into
heaven. My grandmother, on the other hand, stopped going to church
altogether because she blamed God for what had happened.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
My cousin's ashes were skattered along a beach by where she lived,
I believe that her Spirit is present there.
--Regarding MONEY:
I don't think money was really an issue in this situation.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was no funeral in my situation-
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The nightmares that haunted me for monthes following my cousin's
death. I slept on the floor in my parents' for several days because
I was afraid to be alone in my room.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Well, if the individual was ill, I would want to know everything
that I could about the illness. In my case, the death was sudden
and unappected.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I would want to spend as much time as I could with the person who
was dying.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I saw my cousin present in the nightmares that I was having.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Nothing like this has happened to me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I do not have any unresolved issues with this person.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Nothing like this has happened to me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am afraid of death because I have had to deal with several people
dying in the past. I know that I will die someday so I work on a
daily basis to accomplish all my goals. When I die, I will have
accomplished everything that I have wanted to- so I will have
nothing left to do.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I believe that the only closure I will find is when I die. I will
never completely get over the fact that my cousin is gone and that
I will never see her again.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have found that I am more grateful for what I have and I try to
live every day as if it were my last day.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I feel that only time can help someone realize that the person is
really gone and then they can accept that fact more easily.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried on several occasions to reach out to my aunt (who was the
mother of my cousin who died), but she did not want to talk to or
see anyone in the family. I did not see her for 5 years and that
fact bothered me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire forced me to reflect on the situation I was
forced to live through and I feel better about it now.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No, I think that it is worded well-
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Sat Apr 10 00:50:26 1999
F40 in Murrieta, CA =USA=
Name: Katrina Wilkins
Email: <kwilkins_98-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Via Yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: Hospice Volunteer Coordinator
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death & Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Accident during a mental breakdown; Aged: 32.
--Details:
She was manic-depressive who at this time took an overdose of drugs,
but not enough to kill herself. She fell into a ravine and died
on the way to the hospital.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an event that happens when this tent that we live in falls apart.
We are like a machine and eventually we wear out.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried. I knew they weren't coming back.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Our cat had kittens and one of the kittens
tried to run through a door as it was closing and the door closed
on it's neck. The kitten didn't die instantly, but it died within
the hour.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I remember recognizing how I was going through the stages of grief
and it comforted me that what I was feeling was normal. I know now
that it is comforting to know that grief is intense only because the
relationship was close. If it wasn't close, I wouldn't care as much.
That would be more sad than the grief.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't something that we can just fix. Too many people put a
time limit on grieving. Then they expect you to just get over it.
There is also a tendency to believe that if it happens to someone
who is young, then somehow they either did something to deserve it
or someone is to blame.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It helps me to appreciate the little things in life. I have spent
time with my friend's two girls and done girl things with them.
My friend didn't get to watch them become teenagers. I don't waste
time worrying about what I don't have. I appreciate every day with
my own family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband provides me with the most support. He is a hospice
manager, so he knows what to say.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It wasn't the first few days, but about a month later that I really
felt bad. I was depressed.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't be there with the attitude of fixing things. Let them
guide you. Also, remember that there is no one perfect way to
approach a dying person.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to appreciate even the bad days.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had a hard time taking the news when her husband called me on
the phone to tell me. It was unreal.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I really didn't feel like laughing through this whole incident.
She hadn't had a terminal diagnosis. It was very sudden.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there when she needed me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for her daughters.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Some of the stupid things that people told me, like "she lived a
full life" or "I hope you don't feel guilty" or "it was all part
of God's plan." People can be so insensitive.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Everyone wanted to provide casseroles for the family. This was a
big thing for a lot of people. Her husband was the main cook in
the house and wanted to do his own cooking.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch a show on television about someone losing a parent.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We wouldn't have these bodies. We would be immortal.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
My other daughter has a friend whose mother was just diagnosed with
what looks like terminal cancer, adenocarcinoma with mets to the
liver and spine. She has two daughters that are barely adults,
19 and 21.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
make time stand still for a while and enjoy the good things a
little longer.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
layed in bed and cried. I really couldn't do anything.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
people with mental illnesses need more than just drugs. They need
counseling, groups, and society as a whole needs to look at mental
illness as a real illness and not a character flaw.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it can be good and it can be bad. I have had wonderful support
from the more experienced Christians and trite phrases from the
less experienced Christians.
--Religious Affiliation:
Independent Christian Church
--Regarding MONEY:
it actually helped my friend's family. Her illness was a major
financial drain on the family. She also spent way too much money.
The family is doing okay financially.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I felt like I was closer to her than everyone but her immediate
family. Most of them seemed more curious about her death than
sorry that she was gone.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
During this time, I was going to school. I still had to go to
class and act like everything was the same. I even completed a
twenty page paper during the first two weeks after she died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I didn't have this kind of experience.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
grieving is not an enemy. It is the process of creating a life
without the one you lost. It reminds you that this person was
important and that you have a heart. If you didn't you would never
feel the loss. We can't live a full life if we are constantly
afraid to lose people. It means we never get to experience a good
relationship ever.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have heard this from other people. My friend's death was rather
sudden.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I heard of a story from a friend who was in a car accident and
she said that when the impact happened, she was outside of her
body looking down at herself. She survived the accident, but she
remembers having an out-of-body experience.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have fond memories of our time together. I also know that she
really had a difficult time with her illness. Many people blame
her for what happened. I don't know what would have helped.
She was the one living with illness, not me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to hear her say she wishes she were here and that she
is glad I was able to stay in contact with her daughters.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I haven't experienced this one.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want everyone who knows me to pay attention to my husband on when
it comes to Rights and Wishes and completely ignore everything my
parents say.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't think I would live my life any different at this point.
I would probably get moving on writing that will. There is
something about writing a will that just seems very scary to me.
It's sort of like, once I write it, then dying is the next step.
Like if I don't write the will, then I might last longer.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have lost quite a few friends in my life. I try to do something
that they would have appreciated. When my grandmother died, I
baked desserts for my family on Saturdays. She used to bake for us
when we were little. When my friend died, I dedicated one summer to
taking my daughters to places I felt that I didn't have time for.
She used to take her kids all over the place.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I really tried to keep up some of the things I did in memory of
friends and relatives who died. I still bake once every other week.
I work on weekends now and my children are older and less available
to me so we don't go to as many places as we used to.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I appreciate my friendships and I don't automatically believe that
they will last forever. One friend, I got pretty close to shortly
after my first friend's death, moved two thousand miles away as
her husband's company moved him. I had another friend who I quit
seeing because she works and had little time for a social life now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
Particularly my parents. They really can't talk about it to
this day.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I used my experience with my friend to redirect my career goals.
I am now a Volunteer Coordinator for a Hospice. It helps me when
I help others.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I spend plenty of time thinking about death and dying. Most people
think it is weird to talk about dying. They think it is somehow
unhealthy to discuss it.
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Fri Apr 9 13:05:14 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
... in , ==
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dumb luck
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...lost a pet - then an acquaintance of my
parents died - that was the first time i realized beings could
disappear forever
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
i deal with it poorly
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Fri Apr 9 01:00:46 1999
F43 in , Al =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: self employed
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
George Anderson
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia; Aged: 41.
--Details:
I feel that he died of Aids complications,but his family denied it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an extension of life-just on a different level.Where our souls
are now free to experience true and total love and goodness in the
purest form
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt that they were doomed to darkness
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother,who I was very close to,died
of diabetes complications
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how very funny he was and how I will always remember the joy he
brought to my life
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not the END! perhaps it is really the beginning of real life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a few years after my grandmother passed over-she visited me one
night.I was woken up by the brightness of her in my doorway.She
was just bathed in bright light and I could see her form in the
light,even thoug it seemed as if I touched her-my hand would go
right through her.She was clothed in a short white night gown.The
importance of which is that prior to her dying-she had had a leg
amputated.Well when she visited me in her spirit form-she now had
both legs again.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reading about the mediums or psychics who have the gift to
communicate with those who have passed over
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing being able to actually see them and touch them and converse
with them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do not be negative about the passing over process.we need to learn
to look forward to it-not dread it
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
continue to talk to my deceased friends through prayer-just talk
to them throughout the day..I feel they hear you talking to them
and appreciate it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when I was younger and my grandmother died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
because I remember thinking how she would have gotten a kick at
the number of people who turned out for her funeral
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her once more to tell her how much she meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be able to know her on this level of life form
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I drive by the place she was killed or see a car that reminds me
of one she used to drive,or when I just seem to feel her around
me-yet I can't touch her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be an ideal place of total love,beauty,animals all living
in harmony with no hate,hunger or sickness
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
because she was so young and full of life and had grandchildren
and kids who miss her so much
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go ahead and pass on to my next level of existence too
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was glad for her that she was experiencing things we can only
imagine.That she was now in the most wonderful place we can never
even imagine.I was glad that she was free of the problems we
experience on this level of life
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical community needs to learn to be more accepting of the
dying process and not make people suffer needlessly,knowing the
inevitable is going to happen
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not being open to the possibility of living in a better place after
we leave our earth bodies.
--Religious Affiliation:
past-Protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
once we leave our earth bodies-there is no race,culture,hatred or
illness or worries.It is total peace and harmony
--Regarding MONEY:
the cost of burial was too high-everyone is out for a buck and the
funeral homes take advantage of the situation
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how we all came together,some from a long way off, to go through
our grief together
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
seeing a light! and one lady I knew who was dying,saw angels around
her bed for a few days prior to death
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
they are free from the pain,stress,worries
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
at least 2 people who died from a lengthy illness claim to have seen
people who had passed on before them and they kept saying they were
seeing a light
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
By continuing to speak to them and send my blessings to them and by
letting them know that although I miss them,they are not to worry
about me because I know in my heart that they are fine
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that even though I miss their physical being-I know that one day I
will see them again and that I hope they are there to meet me and
help me through the transition period
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandmother visited me a few yeard after her death,in the
middle of the night.It was such a bright light she was surrounded
by.Beautiful white light.She was just standing in the doorway,lookin
at me.I could see through her and the light,but she did have a body
form and was dressed in a white short nightgown
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Your wishes should be written down,perhaps in a will.I have already
discussed with my family,certain things I want done in regards to
my funeral.The kind of music I want played and that I want it to be
more of a celebration of my continuing on to my next,better life form
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about my own mortality.I no longer fear dying.If I knew
exactly when I would be dying,I'm sure I would have a lot of good
byes to say and would tell the ones left here-do not grieve for me
or be afraid for me-but to keep talking to me for i believe those
who have passed on to the next level can indeed hear our thoughts
and words and actually feel our love and or pain
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I continue to talk to the deceased.Sometimes during the day when
I suddenly have thoughts of them.Other times it is when I am in
bed-each night I speak to them and wish them well and tell them I
envy the place they are and I invite them to make their presence
appear
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have met others with similar opinions regarding how the ones who
die Here go on to live in a better place
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
My belief in the after life
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
at the time-I really feared death and thought it was total darkness
for eternity
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just talking about all the good,fun times we had with the person.All
the funny things we did or that they said.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
the questionnaire was very thoughtful and helps keep me focused
on the fact that we do not die-we just continue on except on a
different level of existence
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You might ask how others feel about the possibility of reincarnation
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Thu Apr 8 09:15:02 1999
M26 in Niagara Falls, NY ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo! search on surveys
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Prof/Studies: cartographer for major telecommications company
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 16 ago.
Cause of Death: wrist slashing/suicide; Aged: 45.
--Details:
alcoholism related, body found in parked car
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt it was best to ignore it.
--That first time, how it happened was
Father and grandmother died days apart
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how sorry people felt for me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
speaking about it with strangers.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned from his mistakes.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was at the funeral and seeing lots of people I didn't know.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know my father better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
adjust.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
going to counseling.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about what kind of relationship my father and I would
have today.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I really can't imagine it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried to forget about it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust and disbelief.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
current atheist, but was very religious as a child
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many strangers were there.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I've had dreams of my father, but no"messages of clarity, prediction,
assurance, etc."
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm very afraid of dying. I want to live as long as possible.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I've become more emotionally detached from other friends and family,
but I still consider myself friendly.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Relationship with father's sister and nieces is much stronger now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Support Group
was forced to attend counseling
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish somebody would have taken the time to explain to a little
boy what was going on instead of sugarcoating everything.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was slightly therapeutic, but mostly I just wanted to help out.
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Thu Apr 8 05:57:40 1999
F29 in Melbourne, Victoria =Australia=
Name: Emma
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I am a psych student - was browing re: psych experiments
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Prof/Studies: PhD neuropsychology student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 19.
--Details:
My friend was diagnosed with cancer. After six months of treatment
he was set to return home, believing the cancer was in remission.
Two days later we were informed that the cancer had not gone and
he had only a few days to live.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The permenant ceasing of bodily functioning. It is when the brain
is no longer functioning.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt quite empty. It was a strange feeling, knowing that someone
had been 'there' the day before and was not 'there' any longer.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was a relative (my mother's aunty) whom I had spent quite a bit
of time with. I can't remember what she died of (some illness).
My mother sat me down and informed me of her death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The disbelief that someone so young was no longer with us. It made
me feel more vulnerable. I felt frustrated at the thought that
some people may never achieve their desires as their life may be
ended so soon.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death can affect people in different ways. We need to
learn that people should have more control over their death (ie:
euthanassia).
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
can't think of anything
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The realisation that I COULD deal with this.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I don't believe in 'life after death' so I found the concept that
this person didn't experience anything very difficult. I found it
hard to comprehend that this person was not thinking - they just
didn't exist any more.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Not to avoid the issue. My friend was aware that he was dying
of cancer and in the days prior to his death was eager to discuss
'death'. It was hard for me to listen, but that was really all he
wanted from me.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Don't know.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realised that there was no stopping this - you couldn't just
decide that you didn't want to experience this any more - no one
could do anything.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This is a way of coping with the stress. It is quite healthy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Accept the inevitable (prior to it happening) and say goodbye rather
than just listening and hoping that it wouldn't actually happen.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there. So my friend knew that I was there for him and that I
had cancelled other events because he was important to me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Can't specifically think of anything.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Can't think of anything
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how well I dealt with the death of my friend but
think that if it had been someone much closer to me (my sister)
I can't imaging being able to cope at all.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think this is relevant to me... maybe if it had been someone
closer to me who died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone who has lived such an honest and caring life can be
taken so young. It doesn't seem logical that someone who was so
healthy (didn't smoke, drink, etc..) could die of cancer.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
???
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Began to accept that this is a part of life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that there is only so much that medical science can do... some people
expect too much, but unfortunately doctors can't 'fix' everything.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I felt the care provided for my friend was very adequate but I
think it would have been preferable to his family if he were able
to go home for the last few days of his life.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me, organized religion meant nothing. I do not believe in
religion. I am sure that many people find it a comfort at times
of death but as I am a non-believer it didn't comfort me at all.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was not raised with any religious instruction. I would call
myself an 'agnostic' - seems unlikely that there is a god, but if
someone proved it to me I would be happy to believe.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I think death is more about how the people left behind cope with
it and whether they can reach and 'inner peace' or 'acceptance'
which can only make them feel stronger.
--Regarding MONEY:
Not relevant to me
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My friend had a bit of a complicated family and there was a lot of
old animosity between family members which, to me, seemed so petty
to still be seen at the funneral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Realizing that I was a lot stronger emotionally than I expected.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Can't really say... probably depends on the death. With my friend
it became obvious the end was near when his cognitive functioning
was deteriorating and then when he began to hallucinate.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
You have to be patient... allow yourself to go through all the stages
of grief without thinking that you should have been 'over it' sooner.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My friend went to the elevator in the hosptial and pushed the button.
He then commented 'Dad, you have come for me.' His dad had died
when he was young. He was looking at someone at the time (his
uncle who resembled his father) and I believe this was a form of
hallucination and a way of my friend accepting that he was going
to die and trying to find a positive aspect of this (he believed
he would see his father again).
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Not me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Although I don't believe in life after death, immediately after the
death of my friend I went to an isolated park and looked at the
stars (we used to do this together) and 'spoke' to him. I think
this helped me to resolve any issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I am not sure.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Not me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I am an organ donor and if it was possible to have a 'living will'
to allow you to end your own life once the suffering was unbearable
I would do this. I think it is important to have discussed your
wishes concerning death with your family as I would hate them to
have to make these decisions at the time of my death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think I would be concerned with all the things that I hadn't done
that I want to. I would probably try to appear composed because I
realise that it would be my loved ones left behind who would have
to cope with my death for longer that I would. However, I don't
know that I would cope too well... I already think a lot about
'nothing' which is how I see death - no thinking, just nothing!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Aside from the death of my friend, I have undergone and abortion
(you may not class this as a death) but it affects me greatly.
I have purchased a china doll which is an angel and I have given her
a name (the name I would have given to a daughter, had I had one).
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
To try and make your own life productive. I try to achieve as
much as I can in my life and to always be considerate and caring
towards others. Make my life positive so that I would have no
regrets if my life were to end. To remember the person who died
and how they contributed to your life and what you have learnt or
'gained' from their death.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
My mother's straight forward approach to telling me about the death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I think I dealt quite well with this death but it did make me think
about death quite a bit
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
This helped me a great deal. I aided my friend's family in
organising the funneral and took on the responsibilty of notifying
all of his friends. It was difficult, but being the 'strong one'
helped me deal with the death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought it was quite interesting. There was a point were I thought
of another issue (ie: abortion) which I think may be outside your
definition of 'death'. This made me curious about how other people
would equate these two issues.
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Tue Apr 6 19:59:12 1999
F32 in Montreal, Quebec =Canada=
Name: Jen
Email: <peacesoul-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Writer
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: Stroke; Aged: 83.
--Details:
She suffered in a coma for 3 weeks before she died and I was with
her most of the time including the moment she died. She Passed
away while I held her. It was sda but beautiful
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
It is when the Physical part of a human no longer functions and
their souls go on to a better and peaceful place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Did not quite inderstand excpet that I know I would never see
them again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...
My Uncle was hit by a motorcycle and killed
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How sad and scared my Grandma looked
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Nothing...I am Catholic and We believe in Angels and a peaceful rest.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Being able to hold my Grandma when her soul left her body
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belief in the afterlife and angels
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing them physically
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just talk or read to them
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Was strtonger than I thought watching someone die
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My Grandma had to suffer for three weeks before her death
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have played cards with my Grandma more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there when she passed
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Not sure
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
not sure
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am crying right now
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would not change
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That my Grandma had to suffer for 3 weeks before her death
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
The difficult part is now over
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Became aware that I will NEVER physically see this person ever
ever again
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
DISGUST!!!!! She was 83 and they just said"Well she will Die",
they gave no effort to try and help her
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me, not much, but that fact that the preist came to see my
Grandma , though she was unaware, probably meant a lot to her
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true to heart..I fell we are all one
--Regarding MONEY:
Not an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was no funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Being grateful that I was prive to her moment of death and that I
got to hold my Grandma the second she passed away
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Question too vague
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Death is just the next stage of the souls journey
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
None as of yet, but hoping
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My Mom feels she died on the operating table and she said she felt
at the most peace she has ever been
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My Grandma knew I loved her more than anything and that is good
enough for me
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say, "Nanny, you are always in my heart and I would like
her to say" Thank you for loving me and thanks for the chocolate
bars and coke"..:)
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Not yet
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think leaving a WILL is the best idea and if you have issues with
organ donation, you should inform someone before death
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid to die, but if I knew I was going to die I would
feel empty at 1st then I would try and learn from it and leave
this world satisfied. I think I would be a bit scared at how the
ppl who love me would react. I would also miss my 5 cats terribly.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just praying..of if I hear a song that reminds me of the loved one,
I think that tthat loved one sent me that song to hear
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Laughter...Being positive and just "being" there for someone who
is grieving
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This ?naire just got me to think about my Grandma and how much I
miss her.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you could make the ?naire shorter and less wordyA ? you could
add would be.."What scares you most about death? and if you're not
afraid why?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 6 19:51:57 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
... in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16.
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Tue Apr 6 18:45:55 1999
F39 in Ludvika, =Sweden=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for experiments to participate in
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: Brain tumor; Aged: 29.
--Details:
I don't know. I was in US, couldn't go home. She hung on for 5
years after being diagnosed (and everybody said she had 6 months)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of a life. Won't ever come back. A permanent loss.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt a bit weird. It was so solemn. I just got my ballet shoes.
It was weird being without my grandmother with just my grandfather
there.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother had a stroke on friday the 13 right before easter.
She was 74.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Sort of suppressing. Having obsessive thoughts about opening an
airplane door 10000 feet in the air and jump out, and being afraid
I wouldn't be able to resist
--What I think my (Sweden) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It always happens, it is always very sad, and allow it to be whatever
it is.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I had my best friend.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Just thinking
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The weirdness of being so far away.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there. Or, if you can't write.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Missed her
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Just being too far away to be a part
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It's some kind of tension.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Write her before she died
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might still have a best friend, when I go back
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
She was so young, she was happy
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Oh, it doesnt, but I miss her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was very sad
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I don't know. Too soon, maybe by know she could have been helped
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
None
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's been very mild, but perhaps drawn out, given that I was so
far away
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Oh, just that I really liked having her as my best friend, and that
she would always be, regardless of how we changed
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Oh, there's just been dreams where we've been together. I don't
think they are visitations, we were just best friends for so
many years.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Their feelings, making it easy for them. I'll be dead
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't know. Sometimes it would be OK. I hope I've had a good
life, that it won't be painful. I'm not that afraid
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Met her parents
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
It just sort of happened. She was old.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
I don't think I had a problem. I missed her a bit
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Talking about it.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Interesting. Haven't thought about it.
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Tue Apr 6 02:31:13 1999
F44 in San Francisco, ca =usa=
Email: <whistler5-at-msn.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: McNeil Books owner
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death & Dying Final Exit
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 34 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the machine that houses our being.Like a toaster that
breaks, you throw it out and buy a new toaster.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was happy to see my grandma look so peaceful in death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How it changed my mother
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens every day to every one of us, it is a natural event
and extreme life support systerms are sick, bodies just give out,
it is not sad, it is nature. we don't freak out when leaves fall
from trees, it's the same thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
getting some of my grandma belonging, they made my mom happy to
use her mothers sewing machine, it made her feel close to her mother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wanting to tell them somethings weeks or months later and knowing
I couldn't share it with them anymore
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
easy it was to accept her passing, you do cry a little but then no
matter how bad it was, you go on living.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they closed the coffin. it was like it was something to be ashamed
of, or to hide it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a nervous tick, and nothing to be ashamed of
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
listern to more of her stories of the family history
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help my mom
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
picking out the dress she would wear, that was very important it's
the last thing you can do for them.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Food after the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
never
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think things like that at all, this is the only life we
have, not alternate ones where every thing is perfect. Real life
takes all my time and eneergy I don't have time to do the whaat if's.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
no i think it is fair
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
understood that day would come for me one day too. It made death
real.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
doctors should just say this person is dying period not we can do
this last minute operation and always hold out hope. we need to
let them die and not think we could have done the last operation
and she might be alive today. Doctors need to grow up and just face
people with simple words he/she is dying and only has a ffew days
left or hours.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A line of bulshit that just pisses me off, priests that never meet
me or my family saying what a lovely person etc. I don't like them
and the lies they tell.
--Religious Affiliation:
None
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
No
--Regarding MONEY:
realistic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how phony they were
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
people who had not talked to my family in years suddenly being our
best friends.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weight loss, mental loss, the smells, and odd noises
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was faster that I expected
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
it's caused by drugs and loss of brain fuction also lack of oxogen
and blood. Not God come down from on high but if it makes someone
feel better let them talk about it.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I died twice on er operating tables, left my body and watched them
bring me back, I still beleive it was all the things I listed above.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
other family members or doctors
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
don't want one, it wouldn't help it would freak me out.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Living Wills and last wills are just that . That persons will,
and it should be honored even if you disagree with it.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I live with chronic pain and look forward to death as a end to
pain. I am not afraid to die, it's happened twice and it's not scary.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
longer than I thought no new revelations
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Mon Apr 5 18:59:27 1999
F23 in Hattiesburg, MS =USA=
Name: Dorty Calderon
Email: <Skitzo45>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murdered; Aged: approx. 45.
--Details:
The death occured less than a month of my husband and I having a
tragic accident which as a result almost caused my death. It also,
left my best-friend without anyone except 2 siblings... It was my
bes-friends mother who has been part of my life for about 10years
now, that was murdered and in front of my bestfriends younger
brother and older sister.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
part of everyones life. some people in our lives die of old age and
it is looked at as a natural process. Yet, some people in our lives
may be killed in accidents or even murdered, these seem very unfair
and unexpainable, yet for those who believe in a God, we are suppose
to understand he has a plan and he decides wheather we live or die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Did not feel very hurt and sad for myself, instead I felt that way
because I knew my mother was hurt.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather, my mothers father, died,
when I was about ten years old. I say I took it well because, He
was living in Cuba and we were in Florida and I Had never really
known him except for stories my parents would tell me of him.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The pain my bestfriend was going through and still is... also it
was very ironic when it happened, it took place after a very tragic
time in my life.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to talk more about it. How to not avoid the subject so much.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I myself came very close to death, and everytime I think of how
i survived it reminds me that there is a God up there and he will
always be there for me, I was given the gift of Hope, and Faith
something I was loosing very quickly.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband was there for me to talk to every time and my friends
as well
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I havent experienced someone so close, yet but as for when my
grandfather died, my mothers sadness became mine, and I wish I was
able to take her pain away
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Fight to the end and not to be scared because The Lord knows how
to take care of you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why was my best-friends mother murdered when she had just began to
liberate her self from this monster(ex-husband). He had made her
life impossible and when she began to experience happines again he
ended her life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for my Best-friend
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did such an evil man get the opportunity to murder such a good
person especially in front of her own children
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
turned to God and just directed all my questions to him
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Knowing the the Lord is always there for you
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic/ Christian
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I can reflect on the "Near-Death Experience" because less than a
month before my b/f mother was murdered i had been shot and lying
on the ground i remember thinking it was going to be the end for me
I felt satisfied in some respect I was almost feeling completely
Peaceful except when thoughts of my families pain came to me,
and what would they do. Then as I was getting closer I felt like
the medical proffesionals were loosing me and I was like yelling
inside please dont let me go... do everything you can... it was
very strange...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I was not raised to go to church every Sunday nor even often . After
my experience I turned to God, and I would go to church and talk to
a family counselor in my church which helped me understand religiln
and my spirituallity more... my relationship with God was re-kindled
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Prayer and going to church, and having faith and not taking anything
for granted
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
It hurts me the most to see those I love suffer, for example my
mother over her father...
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Sun Apr 4 12:56:13 1999
M20 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for interesting psychological research being done
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, .5 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65?.
--Details:
She had been for ammonia for a month before they discovered the
cancer but but by then it had spread too far.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passage either into a great unknown or a ending place. It would
tend to be based upon one's beliefs whether there is an after life
or not. Death is kind of like a form of relief from the painfulness
of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was screwed up but because I had to maintain a sort of manlike
attitude I held my feelings from almost everyone which caused stress
and prolonged me dealing with it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my grandmother and she was real old
so there was already the expectation that she would not be around
very long. I became involved based on the fact that I saw her almost
every day since I was two.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How my dad broke down and cried for the first time in my life.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is not bad for a lot of people are in a great deal
of pain.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
How everyone seemed to agree that my grandmother is going to be
happier. They believe in the after life... which is something I
try but am unable to believe in.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
From one of my close female friends who did not judge any of my
emotions but who listened with an open mind.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The effect which it had on everyone around me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just tell them you love them before they go else you will never
get to.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be less judgemental towards my loved ones.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
That when someone dies all their pain in life is reliefed
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
The way no one wants to talk about someone who just passed away.
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Fri Apr 2 19:21:20 1999
F19 in Brentwood, NH ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 71.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i cried at first, then when the family got together we reminisced
about memories of her.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother died from heart failure.
It went quite well because she didnt suffer at all and she went
quietly
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the morning I found out. Watching my grandfather cry.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it shouldnt be feared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother's entire family suffered from alzhimers disease.
They were all miserable when they dies. My grandmother had one
wish and that was to die without any pain. And she did.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about my grandmother and things that she did with my family,
as well as learning about her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting her go. realizing that I would never see her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they appreciate it more than they can say
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first heard the news
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
its just a way of letting out feelings. Maybe I was thinking of
something funny that they had done, or maybe it was just my body
trying to counteract the hard feelings
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much we all loved her even though we always picked
on her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my grandfather
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something will remind me of that person
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream
--Religious Affiliation:
Protestant
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the tremendous amount of people that showed up.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Fri Apr 2 17:29:41 1999
F18 in Poughkeepsie, NY =USA=
Name: Joy
Email: <nycancer80-at-aol.com>
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Prof/Studies: I'm a psychology student at a private college in NY
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, yrs ago.
Cause of Death: I don't know what he died of; Aged: 53.
--Details:
He was a very stubern man and he was sick and his daughter told him
to go to the hospital but of course, he refused. The next morning
he was found dead in his appartment by his girlfriend.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the life you know.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelief, I was angry with God for taking someone I loved
very much from me, and someone so special to everyone he touched.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my great uncle, I was very close to
him, he was a lot like a grandfather because my grandparents had
been divorced before I was even born.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The incredible pain it caused everyone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's inevitable, it will happen to everyone eventually.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the sensitivity, which is unusual, that was shown by my father.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends, they were there for me when I needed them most, and I
greatly appreciated that.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the constant pain that just hovered over me and my family.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasn't there when my uncle died. A piece of advice I could offer
though, would be to just let that person know that you're there and
you love them, which will help you as well, I'm sure, knowing that
you were there for them when they needed you and showing them that
you love them consoles you too.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to overcome the constant pain and remember all the good
times I was blessed with to just be able to spend with my uncle,
because his life was a blessing to all those he touched.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first found out that he had died, when I was in denial and shock.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I wasn't able to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much I really do love him, I wish I could have told him
how he touched my life and how special he was to me, but I never
did, I was young I couldn't articulate how I felt at the time and
I wish I could have been able to.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him, that I was able to be in his life, that he was able to
be a part of mine.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him one more time and tell him how I feel, how I felt, that
I'm now able to say and say clearly.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was angry, angry with my uncle for being stubern and not going to
the hospital like he was asked, angry with myself for not being
able to do anything, angry with God for taking him from me, I was
just very angry in general.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very much to us, although I was angry with God at the time, I am
now closer to God.
--Religious Affiliation:
I'm am, and was, presbaterian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting, being able to understand that he is in a better place
walking with God, is very comforting.
--Regarding MONEY:
we we're able to afford everything but a head stone, that has
since been bought, but at the funeral there was no head stone.
Other than that I wasn't old enough to know about the money issues.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that my other uncle, who was a pastor, was the one to speak at the
funeral, he seemed to be so unmoved by what was going on, he seemed
more interested in how everyone else felt than how he himself had
felt, that made me angry.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That we in a sense "partied" after the funeral, to me it made no
sense that we were all pretending to be happy when someone so dear
to us had just died and been put into the Earth. I didn't understand
it, I still don't...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have no awareness of this kind.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Praying was a coping ritual for me, I did it as often as I felt
necessary to help me cope with his death.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
It had brought me closer to one of my friends who lived in the
neighborhood.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
When I was at the wake and I saw him lying in the cascet, it was
open, I began to violently cry, and it was uncontrollable tears
that came pouring out of me.
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Fri Apr 2 10:59:30 1999
F22 in Houston, TX =Harris=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Recent college graduate
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Why Suicide?
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1.5 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 87.
--Details:
She had been sick for a long time, and she had to go into the
nursing home. My mother and I would rotate visiting her so she
had at least three visits a week. Slowly they decreased in number,
and when she died i hadn't seen her in a month.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our physical bodies expires, and our inner spirit goes on to
another plane of existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a small child, and I had lost my cousin to chemical substance
abuse.
--That first time, how it happened was
My older cousin, who was about 14 at the time (I somewhere around
seven or eight) died from suffocation after using liquid paper to
get high.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the guilt of not ensuring that her life was full up to the end.
--What I think my (Harris) culture needs to better learn about death is:
making sure that the person doesn't go through it alone, and then
not being so scared when faced with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have learned to appreciate people while they are here. I don't
hold grudges, and I refuse to have enemies.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
crying it out and talking about it with God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
helping my grandfather as his body deteriorated. I was a freshman
in my first semester in college, and I had to be the rock for this
seventy-nine year old man whose organs were failing and whose body
was falling victim to leukemia.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them talk. No matter how much you don't want to hear
what they are saying, let them talk. Sometimes it's something
they need to confess. Sometimes they just need to feel that they
really are still there and if you listen to them talk and respond,
that reinforces their existence and its validity. Respect what
they need: attention, space, religion, lack of religion, etc.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was just there with him right until the end. I wasn't like that
for my grandmother, because it was a lot to try to endure again.
But I felt peace after he died, because I knew I had done it
all right. Even though I hated helping him with the grossest of
bodily functions, and I hated that he was in so much pain, I know
he cherished me being there, and I would do it all the same again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandfather was confusing which plane he was on. He saw angels
or something, and he talked to them and yelled at them, and then
talked to us. He was in two different dimensions at the same time,
and it was hard to know which one he was in at what time.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was so filled with emotion, both sadness, and a happiness that
my grandfather was going on to heaven and would live in a perfect
world from that moment on.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit her more often in the end like I did when she first went into
the nursing home. I was selfish with my time, and she needed me.
But she kept hanging on for those visits. I think she thought we
wouldn't come anymore, and she just gave in and let go.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help my grandfather while he was dying.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mother would think, and my grandfather would respond to her
thoughts out loud, as though they were having a conversation.
It reinforced my belief in another plane, even if I'm not sure
exactly how it works.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
it was a nice funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch a movie about people in the hospital (about my grandmother),
or when I pass my old apartment (the same one my godmother lived in
before she died of skin cancer), I go into Griff's, our favorite pub,
and I hear a song or remember a dance, a beer, a laugh, a kiss (from
my old boyfriend/friend who drowned last March), or when I saw Saving
Private Ryan and remember how my grandfather fought in WWII, yet
survived to go on and have a great life, or when I pass my friend's
house where he hung himself our freshman year of high school.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Everyone will get along. Everything will be perfect. We will regard
each other with perfect love, with perfect adoration and respect.
We will be perfect, and we will be in perfect union with our Lord.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we have to live only to die. That we grow fond of each other
only to lose contact until we meet in the after-life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have made sure to let them know how much I loved them while they
were here.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
broke down and cried with fitfull sobs at my loss, and the fact
that I wasn't there for my grandmother in her last days.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
sorrow. Some pity, but just mainly sorrow at their having to endure
this experience.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
something different in each relationship.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
reassuring. Losses don't seem so great, and hope is restored by
this faith.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was a great gift bestowed by my loved ones.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was ridiculous. You should mourn when they're still here,
because of what they're going through. After they're gone, they're
better off. Except in the cases of those who may not believe in
Jesus, or who commit suicide.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandfather spoke to what i imagine to be angels, with whom he
argued about whether he was ready to go or not.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandparents were walking together on the sidewalk by my dorm.
I started to run towards them to hug them, and realized that
it wasn't them at all. But I HAD seen them with great clarity.
What was wierdest was my grandfather was dead, but my grandmother
was still alive at the time. And what I saw was my grandparents
walking, my grandfather helping my grandmother along.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have a will and I'm only 22; my will explains my last wishes in
regards to my loved ones and my remains.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I may die because I've contracted a chronic disease. Anything
else could complicate it, and make for a slow, painful process.
But that's part of life. My loved ones will help me through it,
and God will help me into the next realm.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I believe you go to heaven, and therefore your afterlife is better
than your life on earth.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
My parents wouldn't be specific enough on how my cousin died.
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Fri Apr 2 10:10:53 1999
F25 in PORTLAND, MAINE =USA=
Name: ERICA
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: SALES ASSISTANT
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 ago.
Cause of Death: CAR ACCIDENT; Aged: 20.
--Details:
HIS FRIEND WAS DRIVING DRUNK AND HIT A TREE. TODD DIED AND THE
DRIVER LIVED
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
AN END TO BODILY LIFE
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
WAS SHOCKED AND SCARED
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...MY GRANDPARENTS PASSED AWAY
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
THE SENSE OF LOSS AND REGRETS
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
WE NEED TO GRASP A BETTER UNDERSTANDING
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
THE FAMLY BECOMES CLOSER, TO FILL THE GAP
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY MOM
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
NEVER SEEING HIM AGAIN
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
JUST KEEP TELLING HIM YOU LOVE HIM
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
IT WAS A DEFENSE MECHANISM
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
JUST BE AROUND MORE
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
GO TO COLLEGE
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
WHO SENT FLOWERS
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
SOMETHING SPECIAL HAPPENS HE CAN'T BE A PHYSICAL PART OF
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
tODD WOULD KNOW HE HAD A WONDERFUL NIECE AND HIS FAMILY WOULD BE
A LOT CLOSER
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
THE DRIVER SHOULD HAVE DIED
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
TALK TO HIM
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
CRIED FOR DAYS
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
THE DID THE BEST THEY COULD
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A PREIST IN THE HOSPITAL ROOM
--Religious Affiliation:
CATHOLIC
--Regarding MONEY:
A NICE FUNREAL WAS VERY EXPENSIVE
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
HE HAD A LOT OF FRIENDS
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I ALMOST DROWNED AS A KID. I SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I HAVE VIVID DREAMS ABOU TODD. WE TALK AND LAUGH LIKE ALWAYS.
IT SHOWS THAT EVEN THOUGH HE IS 'GONE' PHYSICALLY HE IS STILL HERE
FOR ME WHEN I NEED HIM.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
IF I DIED NOW I WOULD NOT HAVE SEEN OR DONE EVERYTHING I WOULD
WANT TO. MY LIFE WOULDN'T BE COMPLETE, BUT AT LEASET I WOULD NOT
BE LEAVING CHILDREN BEHIND.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I SOENT A LOT OF TIME AT HIS GRAVE ALONE
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
IT MADE ME REFLECT,
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See Mar 99 contributions.
See Feb 99 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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