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See Current contributions.
See Aug 98 contributions.
See Sep 98 contributions.
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Sat Oct 31 22:26:53 1998
M17 in Clearwater, fl =usa=
Name: Matthew Phillips
Email: <mapleson-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Through Yahoo!
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I, Robot
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Asimov, Issac
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 6 ago.
Cause of Death: a methane explosion/cave-in/suffication; Aged: 35.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the completion of the corporatal being, but not the memories of the
individual which continue within the minds of those they emotional
touched.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was alone, which is unusual in our species espially in times of
morning. That is why I have a profound critical outlook on living.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was on May 12, 1992, a methane explosion at the
mine where my dad was the general manager, killing 26 men.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the weakness and emotional attachment of those around me, and my
wishing that I to could cry and/or have that weakness.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not real, or rather it is the only real thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
, with a few rare exceptions, the evil deeds of the dead fade with
them, and their good in this world is magnified.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
isolation.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
It is almost too true, if you are just there for some one or hold
their hand, which truly united two people, there is emotional,
physical, and mental well being added.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Sat Oct 31 19:42:50 1998
F29 in Gonzales, Texas =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease; Aged: 90.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The End and a Beginning. We leave our human bodies here on Earth
and some people (myself) believe that our souls or spirit go to a
place which we call heaven. Not all people believe as I do.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
broke down and cried, was angry and felt isolated because I could
not go to the funeral
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A friend was hit and killed by a car
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much we missed him and still do
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That its a new beginning
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I believe that he went to a better place and is now with his wife
who had passed away a few years earlier
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Just my family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The shock at first - I think that is the hardest moment
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something that the person really enjoyed
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have no clue
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's just not fair was something that I said at first.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
find someone that knows all the answers to the questions regarding
life after death
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
compassion
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
parents were open and honest about what had happened
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
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Sat Oct 31 16:15:04 1998
M20 in , Ontario =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo Psychology Listing
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Prof/Studies: Computer Science Major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 64+.
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--Death Is:
the end of life, beginning of a new life, body returns to the Earth
from which it came.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't very shocked. It was somewhat expected.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandmother Died. Lung Cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was calm, others were busy arranging the funeral. Some were sad.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not the end of everything. It's just a change.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
???
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Myself and my Girlfriend
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
THere was no hard part. I was perpared for this event.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Otheres were sorry about it. Unless they are responsible for the
death there is nothing to be sorry about.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Give her a good hug
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Did nothing.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not very much. A little comforting but not much
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Meet a lot of people that you never knew or havn't seen in a
long while
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Physical detreioration, lack of energy. Weariness. Sickness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It wasn't that bad. Accept the fact that the person is gone.
Be thankful that they were there and let them go.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Things were okay. Nothing was unresolved.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would hope that people would remember me for who I am. They
shouldn't bee too upset by it. Things do happen. Hopefully by
then I would have taken care of what I wanted done about things.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not expecting to die any time soon, unless by some accident.
If I knew i was going to die I would try to resolve anything that
need resolving and finish what needs to finished. When I do die
I'll just have to see what happens then. It could be interesting.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Meditation, reflective thought
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Just able to deal with anything. Things happen, live with it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Never really had much of a chance to think about it all. Kind of
interesting and revealing.
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Sat Oct 31 17:33:13 1998
M18 in , ==
Email: <Leemin-at-seas.upenn.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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--Death Is:
a spontenious break down of cellure struction where all specialize
cell cease to function as it have before death. Finally the
degradetion of all major oragns by micro-organism into simple
marco-nutrients for the growth of other organisms.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I feel as if I need to feel sad... but I didn't.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is nessary part of the food chain. Although death prevent A
SINGLE human from functioning, huamn race as whole is effected in
anyway. I think grieverance over death prevent effeciency of the
advancement of the culture. Never the less, death is always a good
excuse to excape the from the present routined life for both the
dead and the living.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that there is the existence of death. Without death there is
endless of needs to upkeep this body. There is always an escape
from society and the dominate society. Escape from the structure
that conditioned the human to function as gears and machine for
production and consuming. It is also an escape from the societal,
physical and moral standard that is brainwashed into the human
mind. Only at death is everyone equal.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Me, myself. To create a truth and understanding about death and to
accept it. Also to understand that oneself meant NOTHING, especially
in this vast existence of universe.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Death is as just as laughable as it was... never the less it is a
social taboo to laugh at death...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Really death is nothing to be teary eyed about, life is the only
thing that should be grieved for.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
personally, speaking, i rather carry out those dream while alive
than dead.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why are we so afraid to die??? Why are we taught that death is
something to grieve for? Why can't we conquer our genetic survival
instinct?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
church meant a comfort and knowledge of the unknown that is face
by the dead. It comfort the fear that people have about death and
give people one power though: We don't really die, death does not
exist because we will meet one day... in heaven forever. In short
a excuse and ignorance of death.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
social. The spirit to be social. It is like a social event where
every gether to talk about a given topic: the person that is dead.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't really understand why people cry? For fear? For relief of
onset of stress? Why and what are they grieving for?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
They feel they are really alive and energitic right before thier
death.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask him how is heaven/hell? And I will meet up with you,
then we can have a drink together.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Actually by the time a person is going to die it is too late to
think of all these. A person should alwaz and already taken care of
all these stuff while still alive. Dying wishs should be treated
alwaz have been treated the way wish have been treated before for
that particular person.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I will die, it is just matter of time. Being told that I am going
to die by doctor is redundant. I do not need people predicting my
time of death. I will die sooner or later.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Simply accept that death is the end. Or that if i have a religion
i will have total faith in thier heaven and ideals after death.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I recite to myself that I am dying every step I make every breath
I take I am closer to death. And I can't escape, I will die and I
will enjoy every second of dying.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
How'd I do? How well
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Let the person/me treated just like person/I am before person/I
been prescibe a day of death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it give me a good rehearsal of the philosophy I had develop
in understand death. Reinforced what I believed and challenge me
to put my understanding in words.
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Fri Oct 30 20:51:37 1998
F48 in PALM SPRINGS, CA =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, yrs ago.
Cause of Death: HIT BY CAR; Aged: .
--Details:
IT WAS MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S KITTEN. IT IS HER FIRST EXPERIENCE
WITH DEATH.
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--Death Is:
WHEN THE SPIRIT LEAVES THE BODY
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
MY GRANDDAUGHTER HAVING TO EXPERIENCE THIS AND THE LOSS OF A
SWEET KITTY.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I WISH I WOULD HAVE NOT BEEN TOO BUSY AND HAD HEARD MY BROTHERS
CALL FOR HELP.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Thu Oct 29 22:43:02 1998
M17 in Cerritos, CA =USA=
Name: Ben
Email: <pokerworld-at-yahoo.com>
Web: http://WWW.angelfire.com/ca/fiveofakind
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I searched for Philosophy/Psychology/Death
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Prof/Studies: Student
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More personal info:
All I can say has already been said: "I shall pass through this
life but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness
I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not
defer or neglect it. For I shall never pass this way again."
-Etienne de Grellet
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16.
--Details:
I was now living in California, where I currently live. I received
the news of his death by mail...he was one of my best friends
in Boston. He wasn't wearing a seat belt, and crashed into an
oncoming bus.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the most mysterious thing there is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in a state of shock and disbelief.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I had moved from the town I had lived in all
my life, in Boston, when I was 13. I left while my ex girlfriend
and I were still giving each other the silent treatment. Two weeks
after I had moved to Maryland, I received a phone call from her
mother. She had been killed by some stray bullets. I was devastated,
and thought about suicide many times. I wasn't a positive person
again until two or three years later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how I felt like taking my own life at first...but then coming out
with a new outlook on life.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to not fear it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it brought everyone closer together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own realization of the value of life. No one could have explained
to me how much life is worth...I had to discover it for myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
moving on without them.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
made it through...and realized that life carries on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
their deaths finally sunk in, and I cried the most.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not have fought with Valerie...and seen Billy one more time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stop being suicidal...living life to the fullest.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that they put them on a pedastal. They weren't perfect, but it
was their imperfections that made them so special.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear the song Amazing Grace.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would still be ignorant...I would still take everything for
granted.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was sixteen, she was thirteen...they will never get to live life
to the fullest.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
completely broke down.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, since I am agnostic.
--Religious Affiliation:
agnostic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
understandable.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
Music was the biggest, but the help of friends, crying, and realizing
I was not alone also helped a great deal.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I thought it was my fault...I blamed myself for a long time...I
thought if I hadn't of moved, that everything would be different,
that she wouldn't have been at that spot on that day, at that time.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Great, but I ran out of time...couldn't answer all that pertained
to me, sorry.
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Thu Oct 29 15:38:16 1998
F43 in Anaheim, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
looking for a product called "Being There"
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Prof/Studies: philosophy instructor
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Grief Recovery Handbook (2 authors, one of whom has the first
name John. Very practical book).
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (by Sogyal Rinpoche).
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Almost any Tibetan Buddhist teacher; see e.g., H.H. the Dalai Lama,
Sogyal Rinpoche, Lati Rinpoche, et. al.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 20 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: an extremely rare, freak occurrence related to drug use.; Aged: 26.
--Details:
Had the doctor that she went to the year before for chronic headaches
sent her in for a Cat scan, they would have been able to save her.
As it was, they didn't find out about the tumor on her brain until
it had spread too far.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something we don't know very much about, generally speaking, and
we usually fear (although most of us don't have anything to base
that fear upon, since we don't know what happens after death).
That which makes one a living being is eliminated, or extinguished,
or departs from the body to go elsewhere; these are the two basic
beliefs about death, although they can take various forms.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about six years old, when my uncle died. (See above).
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...an uncle that I was close to died suddenly.
I didn't really understand about death, but that was when I first
realized that I was going to die, too, one day. I was scared to
fall asleep for a long time after.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being uncomfortable about how everyone was whispering, and how I
could not get any straight answers out of anyone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to accept it as part of life and to be more open about it instead
of hiding from it and avoiding all discussion about it. To work
with it, prepare for it and even how to use it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a dream I had of my cousin right after she died; she told me that
she was OK and that I didn't have to be sorry for her early death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
learning about Buddhism and Taoism, their attitudes towards death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I could not remove their pain, and knowing that I
would not see them again in this life (regardless of what happens
afterward).
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen to them, to let them talk. To tell them that your love
for them and their love for you won't stop with death, it will just
change, and that it's only a temporary separation after all. To not
worry or cling to what they are leaving behind. That it will be OK.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was young, and didn't really comprehend what it was.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it can be from nervousness or hysterical exhaustion; it can also
be from simply realizing the absurdity of it all, how people act
when faced with death, how death can come at any time but we always
act so surprised when it does happen. Other absurdities I can't
really voice.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my mother after I realized that she was dying, but she was
in a coma, and at the time I didn't know that quite often, people
in comas can hear what's going on around them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
take my daughter and niece to see my mother the evening before
she died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
don't know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to "us"? Nothing comes to mind. To me? The usual surface bullshit
about what other people will think. The pressure to not "make a
scene" and to "go along with the program".
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
No, that's when. When I miss them, not being sorry for them,
but it's just that I miss them still, sometimes, in the here and now.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It probably wouldn't be all that different, but we would still be
able to be together.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so young who had lived through so much pain and
emotional suffering would die before reaching any kind of lasting
happiness or understanding.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Thank God this one doesn't apply to me; hasn't for decades.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought that I would never see my uncle again, and that one day,
I would die, too.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
absolute callousness and ignorance.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Depended upon the church, the people and most of all, the pastor
or preacher or minister or priest.
--Religious Affiliation:
Previously Methodist, now Tibetan Buddhism/Roman Catholicism (it's
a looong story). Predominantly Buddhist since I took Refuge with
my teacher in 1993, although I began trying to practice Buddhism
when I was 13.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
pervasive, very real; strong sense of presence.
--Regarding MONEY:
some family members argued over it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how inadequate it is. How people emphasize the least important
aspects and overlook the deeper ones.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
happy that my cousin and mother and father and uncle were at least
out of the suffering they went through in this life.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
listening to the dying person when they say they are dying.
That's pretty hard to miss. But usually we say, "No, you're not,
don't say that, I don't want to think about that," etc., instead
of letting them talk about what they are feeling and going through.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
my beliefs helped me a lot. That my early interest in death prompted
me to read about it and ask questions about it and generally seek
out what information that I could find. That over time, one gets
used to the idea of death, and can even look forward to it (sort of
like a vacation) without fixating on it morbidly. That our own death
process can be used to greater advantage than we commonly realize.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No, I've been close to death many times, but I have never had a
NDE related to any of those times.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Ask me again when I'm dying.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
See prior re dream of my cousin. When my father died, I felt
his presence a number of times, very close, very strong; nothing
dream-like about it, I was fully awake and aware, no "floating"
sensation at all. No dream, visions or locutions, just a strong
sense of presence.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
See prior about my dream of my cousin right after she died. Yes,
it was a very clear and vivid dream, very lifelike. It was a great
comfort to me to see my cousin happy and to hear her say that she
was OK with it, and I should be, also.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
What difference does it make once you're dead? The living will
regarding whether or not to take extreme measures to prolong life
artificially is more important for me than what music to play at
my funeral or who gets what after I die. I couldn't care less
about whether I have a funeral or not, and I really hope that no
one spends a lot of money on what's left of me after I die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm more ready for it now than I was earlier. Of course, I won't
know for sure until it actually happens, but I've been close to death
enough times that I realize that much of my fear of death is gone.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I pray for the person, and I talk to them.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Can't think of any practices, rituals, etc. Lots of observations,
see the rest of the survey.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
books and films, mystical studies, religion, other people
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
I was curious about death once I got over the initial realization of
my own. But it bothered people that I wondered about it, especially
when I was younger.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to be held. Not even to talk, necessarily. Just to be held
and be able to cry without feeling ashamed. To be able to talk
freely about the person who died. My sister and I were great helps
to each other when our cousin died.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It didn't, but then I've been thinking about this for a long time.
I do think that it can be useful for many people. Good luck wth it.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
None I can think of.
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Thu Oct 29 09:57:55 1998
F33 in GREATER MANCHESTER, LANCASHIRE =ENGLAND=
Email: <Tracey-at-stefan90.demon.co.uk>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I am a keen Spirititulist and know were we are all going in the end!
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Prof/Studies: STUDENT
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life after Death
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Doris Stokes. (she is not the writer of the above)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 year and 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Failiure; Aged: 77 years.
--Details:
This death was quite sudden as i had been to see my gran in the
morning and she was fine, she did have a chest infection but i
thought that it was under control via the G.P. Later that night
i received a phone call to say that she was very poorly. I went
there stright away and sat with her for an hour and a half and
told her everthing i needed to say and thanked her for everything
she had done for me in my life and told her to go find grandad and
my uncle whom she had lost 7 years previously. After i had asked
other members if there was anything they had forgotten to say and
they replyed no my Gran left peacfully and i was happy for her to
know that she had been reunited with her loved ones.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing from this world to the next of which God had created
for us. As most humans have some kind of belief this should be
the easiest way, i hope?
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt angry because he had left me and others here to suffer the grief
inside and it was hard to imagine my life without him, how would i
cope? who would i now turn to? all sorts of questions left unanswerd.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I had a very close bond with an uncle who with
his wife (my aunt) looked after me from being a few weeks old until
my parents decided they wanted me back. This bond grew in time
and we were very close. One day at the age of 17 I asked my uncle
if he would give me away when i got married? he said he would.
The next day as i waited for them, they never arrived at a pre
arranged meeting, only to find out later that my uncle had passed
away that morning. This was a very big shock, he passed over through
a heart attack. I went to see him in the chapel and spoke to him
as though he was still alive, to this day i still speak to him,
16 years, 6 months and 8 days later. I know he hears me when i
speak to him and i know that we will meet again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
That i gave my Gran the blessing she had always wanted, i feel i gave
her a sending off as she would be proud of. Because of my belief i
know my gran is proud of me in dealing with everything that happend.
--What I think my (ENGLAND) culture needs to better learn about death is:
can't answer
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That we can have the gift of eternal life after death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belief of were my relatives and friends have gone, not to the
hole in the ground or the furnis, but to the next plain and that
with the blink of the eye that person can be with their loved ones
to watch over them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That although they are in a wonderful place, the fact that i would
not be able to see them as a mortal form hurt deeply.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Giving them permission to go. I think this is by far the most
important point of death ever. Should you be with your loved one
at the time would'nt it be nicer for them to know that you are
baseically excepting the fact that they are dying and i know i did
feel better for it with my Gran, the whole room was full of ease and
walmth, i am convinced it was because i gave my gran the blessing.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to feel joy, not in the fact that she left, but knowing
that that is wahat she had wanted and the fact that i was able to
be with her, yes i was upset at the fact i waould'nt see her again
as a mortal for some time, but knowing that she was hgoing to her
maker made me feel so happy for her. I hope you can understand?
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Being told either that they are dying or that they had died without
any warnig.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was a sense of relief for my Gran, when the doctor came to
certifie her dead, we sat laughing, the dr asked us to leave the
room and on return he gave me his condolences and i replyed that
my gran was happy and that is why we are all happy, she is were she
wants to be. I know because i looked after her for such a long time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye to my uncle and other members of the family. This is
also an important point in the dying process. Death is sudden,
full stop. Dying is slow painstaking, but convinient for members
of the family, don't you agree?
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there at her passing and had an oppotunity to say waht had to
be said. When i went to see my uncle he was the first dead person
that i had ever seen and i feel glad that i went to see him, and
he looked like he was sleeping, so his features had not changed
although he was dead.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I went to the funeral parlor and i tried to explain that my gran
needed a pair of shoe's to be cremated in, as she always told me
that she would get up and walk out of this nursing home where she was
staying, I insisted that i go get her a pair of shoes but it seemed
i was talking nonsene and that when the time came for the cremation
thay would take of her shoe's anyway, so she never got them.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
That she would have her ashes scatterd in Scotland, and i don;t
think this is an important issue as the person is near to your
heart anyway.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I had to talk about the death and her shoe's annd how i miss seeing
her and telling me off for something, she was always their.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My uncle was starting with a horrible condition, so i now realise his
death may ahve been premature, but at least i know he did not have
to suffer the illness set before him,Andrew's death i still do not
have a reason for his death, my gran i know that it was certanily
taking its toll on me and my children having to run here, there
and everywere for her and i know i could'nt do it for much longer.
(i have a disabled daughter, and 2 sons).
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why should Andrew's life (my nephew) not able to grow it just seems
so unfair, this part of my belief is hard to understand.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see all of them together.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Feel that a life taken away young is one of the hardest to
acknowledge no matter how hard i try and believe it is very
difficult. My nephew died at birth and this was so hard to accept
because he had not lived his life and i felt the same with Diana
Princess of Wales and slao my former G.P. has just died 9 days ago
at the age of 39 years old this is far to young of an age to pass.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
That death is with treated with just as much respect as of birth.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They were the most nicest, warmest places you could ever be in
considering it is a place of inevertable death.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Our beliefs made me more aware of what lay in store as death was
being laid out in front of me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian now Spiritulism.Both have Gods word at mouth but yet they
are far from being one religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
not sure what you mean?
--Regarding MONEY:
cannot answer.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It all went in accourdance with what the person wanted.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Knowing that i had to be in charge of the way things went on the
day of the funeral, because i know my gran would see it later and
i wanted her to feel that i i had not let her down in any way.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
As each death is different as of each birth nobody can say how or
what will happen, only waht might happen.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
If a person is suffering, imagine yourself would you like to be
suffering? Think that they are no more in pain and that their life
in heaven is just begining and that one day you will all meet.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Because of my Spirit beliefs i know that what lies beyond the door
of death is a wonderful new world. I have spoken to many through
a friend during trance work.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Although i have never experienced near-death, i am aware of such
things going on and i never disberleave such theories. I used to be
frightend of death as a child but as an adult the only thing i fear
(apart from spiders)is how death will occur. Although we know a
quick death will result in people feeling guilty, "I never got the
chance to say i love them, or goodbye" but a slow lingering death
although painfull in most case's can give the oppotunity for loved
one's to say their goodbyes, so there is two ways to look upon this.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I do not have any issues with loved ones that need to be resolved,
they are happy for they are in a much better place than me and i
am working hard on this life to get were i need to be when the time
is upon me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
As i speak to my loved ones everyday i do not need to see them,
but just to feel them one more time i think would be nice and to
maybe see what my nephew looks like would be nice.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have been given the gift of knowing when our spirit friends
are around and being able to hear them, i have also been able to
Asto-Project which is being able to seperate my body and spirit and
have seen my loved one's and also attened spiritulist Church and
Circles and spoken to people like two people speak to each other
every day.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
As i explained above.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Not knowing how my life will end is worrying, knowing were i am
going does not worry me in the least. I hope that my children will
be all grown up and happy when i do leave will be a comfort, i made
my will several years ago and my body is going to medical science
because it will do more good to students that to be put in the
ground or be burned to ash. My spirit is free to do as it please's.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Believing that your loved one has gone to a better place were they
will suffer no more.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have been able to share my experiences of spirit friends with other
people and hopefully have helped them come to terms with death.
Spiritulism is important to all my family so it is easy to talk
about it, my children often hear me talk about life after death and
do not fear it because of my beliefs i hope that it will carry on
throughout the family. I except life better and live life fully
and happy as nobody knows what lies around each corner. God has
given you the gift of life, live it to the full.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
You must believe in what you think and know best.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just for someone to listen to what i had to say about my love one.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good for me to tell people of the way that i live my life
and hopefully someone may just be able to pick up on any point that
they could take to heart i know that all this work may be worth it.
We believe that for every Action there is a Reaction i hope you
can understand this?
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Wed Oct 28 18:12:20 1998
M18 in st.louis, mo =us=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: automobile accident; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the hardest possible situation a person of mature age can go through.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really did not know what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandpa died of cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much impact e person had on so many lives.
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it happens easier than you think. People are gone before you
know it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time i got to spend with my best friend. 10 great years.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my other friends. I had a group of good friends that helped each
other through it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i would never see him again
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first heard about it. I did not believe it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let him be my best man at my wedding or vice-versa.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be a pall bearer for him. It was the greatest honor of my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we had spoke of death the week before.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see or hear things that remind me of it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Not much different besides spending all of my time with him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was the best person i knew. Noone had any problems with him.
Her was everybodies friend
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back one more time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
broke down and cried when i saw his casket
--Religious Affiliation:
We went to church together almost every sunday. It is very tough
to get back to church.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people came
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
hoewlong it took to hit me
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
how much him as my best friend meant to me
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i love you
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
talking with friends
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was okay. Most of this i still think about daily anyway
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Tue Oct 27 19:59:39 1998
F18 in Birmingham, Alabama =US=
Name: Elizabeth Smith
Email: <silverivymoon-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Many Lives, Many Masters was a pretty cool book about
reincarnation. Actually, this is weird, but as a younger kid I used
to read Christopher Pike, and that helped a lot. His books Sati,
the Midnight Club, and The Starlight Crystal especially
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Birdly Acquiantance, 2 yrs
ago. Cause of Death: a truck; Aged: N/A.
--Details:
It wasn't a real "Acquiantance". It was a bird who was flying around
and then swooped just as a truck went by. It must've gotten caught
in the wheels or something because a split second after it swooped
all you could see were feathers. Strange as it is, the death really
affected me. It's like one second you're flying and carefree, the
next you're a bunch of feathers, skin, and bones. Everything that's
you is gone.. its weird..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a door that leads to someplace else. Its just a gate that leads
to a different world/demension. Its not final, except in the sense
that everything you've known up to this point is gone but for the
memory of it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
got cold. I didn't have any need to cry, I just felt really
cold.. and in the summer. My skin wasn't cold, but internally I
was freezing.
--That first time, how it happened was
My paternal grandmother died before my parents even met. My dad
won't talk about her, but she died of cancer. My father's sister
died before my parents met too. She died of a brain tumour when
she was 26. My mother's first husband died in Vietnam. My materal
grandfather died when I was 16 months old. I never knew any of them,
but since I was little I've known about death, so naturally its
been easier to accept other deaths before its not like death is
anything new to me.. I've never misunderstood it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the disbelief. My godfather went into the hospital for a simple
heart procedure, and the morning he was supposed to check out the
nurses found him on the floor. He went into a coma and never woke
up. I had visited him in the hospital less than 12 hours earlier,
and now he was gone.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I was born into christianity. I don't like the way they handle
heaven and hell. Death is sad. I don't think it should be treated as
anything else. Its sad. There is loss and regardless of an afterlife,
people need to grieve and saying "they're in a better place" just
minimizes their grief, as if its not necessary. I also don't agree
with the whole funeral and burial concept, since supposedly the
soul is supposed to rise and not be in the body anymore, but I
understand people's need for a ceremony of release.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing. I'm not grateful of death. I'm sure it provides release
for sufferers of diseases, but as the griever I don't seem any
gratitude towards death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books. Books helped me get away from the situation, and since my
family gave me little to no support just because I wasn't "close"
to a particular relative, I needed to get away sometimes.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the deceit from my family. My dog passed away just as we were
moving on my seventh birthday. I didn't find out until I noticed
that when we finished unpacking two weeks later that all the dog
stuff was gone. I had thought, as an innocent seven year old, that
my dog was simply at the kennel. When I asked my mother she simply
said "Oh. Didn't you know?" So I would have to say its the lack of
support from my family in death that is the hardest for me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I've never been around a dying person. By the time I get there
they're already dead.
--[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Actually I haven't learned much from death. By the time its happened
and I've been notified, the funeral has already happened. I guess
if I were to give advice to people I would say how important it is
to help grieving members cope with death, because I know how much I
would have like somebody to comfort me, or at least to know someone
acknowledged my grief.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the person died. One second they're there, the other they're *poof*
gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when I can't cry or when I feel like I can't cry I become morbid
and realize how trivial everything is.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be able to talk with someone about death. I have trouble bonding
with people and befriending people because I know that I need to
talk to someone about this, but I know that no one really cares
and that burden is too much to put on a new friendship.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get on with my life (sort of) or at least live in a semi-normal
fashion.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my relatives died before I got to know them. People think that since
you never knew the person it shouldn't affect you. But there are
five relatives on my father's side alone that I will never be able to
know because they died, and with the theory of a "cancer gene" I know
that in all possibility I, too, will die from cancer and will never
meet some of the most important people that should be in my life.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral and memorials and prayers. People always think that if
someone doesn't attend a funeral or prayer service or memorial
of some kind they must not like/love the person which is so
untrue. People grieve in their own ways and sometimes people need
to grieve without two hundred people staring at them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear someone saying something like "Don't you remember when
grandpa did this.." or something like that. I can't even remember
him. I have no memories of him at all so when people say remember
aloud I feel so alone.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I like to think how nice it would be to have an aunt.. or how much
fun it would be to go through old hat boxes and pictures with my
grandmother and talk about my dad was as a kid.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Nothing's fair. You've got to accept that. No one said anything
has to be fair. So why even argue it?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just cry. I wish I could just cry and someone would hold me, but
even if I cry no one ever does.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
want to cry, but can't. My parents always yelled at me when I cried
because my voice is loud and thus my crying is loud. So I dry sob
into my pillow, and then throw up.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I've never dealt with drs. Like I said before, most of the time
they're already dead by the time I get there.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
My great aunt had cancer. She stayed at home so she could be near
family. She was really thin and small, except for the huge lump on
her abdomen where the tumour was.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a bunch of hail mary's and latin chants that meant nothing to me
because I have no faith in chants or incense.
--Religious Affiliation:
Eclectic Pagan I think. I used to be methodist, but it didn't fit
me. Right now I'm still trying to figure everything out.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I think that different religions use different archtypal views
of the *spirit* or whatever so they can relate to it. Basically
any superior force would be incomprehensible and there would be
no solice for people because they couldn't relate. With different
types of Gods and faiths people can narrow the interpretation of
"God" down to their level.
--Regarding MONEY:
insurance is a blessing and thankfully covered everything.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the grandier. It seemd too flashy to be a mourning experience. Too
many candles, incense, bells, and flowers. It got old really quickly.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the acceptance of it. The person died, but its not like life stood
still. The bus still came at 7:30 every morning, and no one acted
as if anything had changed, but for me a lot had.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I wasn't with the dying person. They were already dead, for at
least in a coma. So I guess a sign post would be when the person
becomes comatose.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the grieving had never ended because I never had a chance to talk
or cry about it. I keep it hidden because if I were to cry today I
would be put on prescriptions medication and lose sight of myself
in a drugged reality.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have dreams about the dead relatives I've never met. I guess
they're kindve "what if" dreams where I act out what I wished I
could do.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Once I felt like everything was gone. I could see things but it was
like a tv. I was surround by "reality" but it all seemed imaginary,
like in a dream. I couldn't think of my name or where I was or
who I was. I couldn't even think if i were there or carry on a
conversation with myself.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I just wish I had gotten to know all the relatives I never knew.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Most of them I never knew. I can't remember any signifigant
conversations, but I remember my great aunt giving me a hat box
from my grandmother and that was the most signifigant thing about
my relatives that I can remember.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I get feelings sometimes. I'll just feel something warm or cool
brush by me and suddenly I feel better than I was a moment before.
I guess its them.. or a guardian angel..
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to be cremated, put in a shoe box and dumped in a garden,
or just wherever my relatives feel is right. If it helps them that
I'm in a guilded urn that's fine, I don't really care.. after all
its not like I'll be the pile of ashes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm going to die, probably from cancer between the ages of 26-45. I'm
18 now so I should be scared, but I'm not. I don't think it'll hurt
anymore than I do now.. but maybe I'll feel more of a physical pain
than an emotional one. Physical pain is easier to deal with.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I don't cope. I have no closure. I just don't think about it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Everything stays the same, but it all seems more trivial..
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
My past incidents with death have made me used to the fact that
people die. Its that simple. People live and people die.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
My dad won't talk about his father who passed away five years ago,
or his mother, or his sister. I only know what my mother's pieced
together.. not even she knows the whole story. If I had understood
how my parents dealt with death further deaths in the family (family
pets, my great aunt, my god father, my best friend's dad, etc)
might have helped me learn to grieve and not become so desensitized
to death.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish I could help people more in their grieving, but if I'm
not a part of it, if I didn't know the person I'm not part of the
"club" and they shut me out. I wish people would hold me. I wish
my parents would try to open me up. I wish they had tried to be
there when I needed them. You'd think after seeing so many people
die they would think it strange that from age 7-18 that I've never
cried over death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I learned how I really felt about death. I already knew most of it,
but not to the extent that I do now..
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think some of them are really wordy, so I dunno.. maybe try some
word economy, but I can't think of any specific wrongs.
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Tue Oct 27 11:45:45 1998
F18 in Barre, Vermont =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, yrs 12 ago.
Cause of Death: hit by car; Aged: 7.
--Details:
see above
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person's/being's energy is released back into the universe
after their body stops working.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
freaked out and refused to talk to anyone for a few days, then I
cried alot.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my best friend died. She was my dog, LuLu.
I came hom from summer camp an my parents told me that she had been
missing for a few days. I was hysterical. To calm me down they
took me to the playground. On the walk there, I looked on the side
of the road and she was there, in the ditch, starting to be eaten
by maggots. I screamed "LULU!" and fell to the ground in a heap.
I was six.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
visiting her right before she died in the hospital, the way her
head was swollen and bruised and covered with bandages from the
removeal of the brain tumor. Then seeing her in the casket looking
pastey and waxy.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is not an end but a begining. That when they die they are
just returning to where they came from. They're energy will be
returned to the universe and will eventualy be returned to the world
in some way. Also, they will always be with you, litteraly-- small
pieces of them (ie dead skin, etc.) are in you when you breathe.
That is how we are all connected to each other, how we are all part
of eachother.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
an understanding of how other people respond to you when some one
else has died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
years of therapy, crying alot, talking.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing them in the ditch being eaten by maggots.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
alot of the time i still laugh about my dogs death, because of it
I have been desencitized to death, i don't really care anymore.
Everyone dies, we need to deal with it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
ever i see a dog like LuLu or one of those stupid movies when a
dog dies.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would probably be alot more emotionaly stable, and I would know
how to deal with people better because after she died i shut myself
away from people my own age.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was my only friend, and she left me. I never got to say goog-by.
Whey couldn't it have been another dog.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have not seen her in the ditch.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a blessing and a little sugar egg with a dog in it.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic/agnostic
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her in the ditch being eaten by maggots.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I feel that she is always with me(my dog) sometimes i see her
walking around a corner, she is in my dreams as well
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
personaly i don't care. the reason people get upset when a loved
one dies has very little with the person who has died and more to
do with the fact that they don't want to die too.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
pet every dog i see. Talk to animals just as though they were human.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
see above, and cying alot
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
Watching movies like "Where the Red Fern Grows" (I had the same
breed of dog as the boy in the movie), "The Red Pony", and any
other movie/book where a pet died
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Therapy
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no not really, I think about the whole process of death, dying,
and grief often, usually with some measure of contempt for the
people grieveing. They are more upset about the fact that they
are going to die than the fact that someone has died. They also
get upset when others die because that person/thing won't be with
them anymore and it mekes them sad. It's not the dead person,
but the loss of a companion that bothers people.
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Mon Oct 26 17:39:16 1998
M45 in Grantham, Lincolnshire =England=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 12 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 64.
--Details:
I received a phone call to say that Dad had had a heart attack. I
went to see him at the hospital (80 miles away) but when I got
there he was in the operating theatre. He died in that operating
theatre. It was a terrible experience for my mother, sister and
me. We went home and I drank brandy to help me sleep. The next day
it was like waking up in a different place - everything was going
to be different from now on. The pain was physical too - I thought
I was going to have a heart attack because of chest pains - it was
stress of course, I realise that now. I still talk to him in my
dreams and it seems real. I believe that in some fantastic way,
God keeps us in touch with each other and that one day we will be
together again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When the body ceases to function due to vital organs not working.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8 years old
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother became ill and I realised
she had died when my cousin and father stopped the car outside
a funeral director to make arrangements - I hadn't been told but
worked it out for myself - I was 8 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mother feeling that she wouldn't be able to cope
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To have faith in God
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Nothing. I'd rather have my dad back.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Going out for a drink and a chat with an old friend of the family
was really helpful in the first few days. After that, walking in the
country, getting closer to God, thinking about the meaning of life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Being left here without them
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the deceased person wouldn't mind - they would be laughing too
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get out of the car and say to Dad just how much I love and respect
him - the week before he died, I just waved goodbye and drove off.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch a TV programme or a film that deals with close relationships
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Now that is a very interesting question. God knows the answer though.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did my Dad have to die when there are so many bad people still
alive? - then after much thinking - how long should good people
live? - should bad people be struck down, or can they change? -
who are we to judge others? -
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought that things would never be the same again. I really began
to think much more deeply about life, death, love and God
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I remember that the surgeon who operated on my father broke down
in tears when he told us that he couldn't save him. Everyone was
very sympathetic and kind.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My sister went to the chapel to pray. My mother and I stayed
together. My sister had been a member of a church for some time. I
felt guilty that I had not gone to pray too.
--Religious Affiliation:
As a young child I was brought up to believe in God. I went to
Sunday School. I have always been a spiritual person. I now feel
guilty for not going to church.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are all human and have our failings - God knows us - He will
support us and explain everything to us in due course
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was a blur - there seemed to be a lot of people there but I
didn't recognise many of them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love to hear what Dad has to say about my daughter's
pregnancy.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As I have already said, Dad has spoken to me in dreams. I have also
seen him in dreams and it all seemed very real.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about it regularly - we never know if we are going to die
today or tomorrow or in years to come, but die we will and when we
do, what will have been the point of your own life?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
At that age, I was convinced that granny would have gone to Heaven
and that there was nothing to worry about
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Mon Oct 26 17:15:54 1998
F18 in St. Louis, Missouri =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Prof/Studies: International Business & Spanish
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 43.
--Details:
The woman was a dear friend and teacher that I had during grade
school.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our body shuts down and life on this earth ends for us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in the seventh grade and lost a friend to suicide.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a friend committed suicide
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone knew that she had gone to a better place because she
was such a wonderful woman with such strong faith.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that the key is to enjoy life while not feeling regret for things
done and things undone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how the two priests that I know who died, I saw a rainbow on the
days of thier deaths.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
thinking about the good things the person did in their life and
to learn to appreciate those good qualities in others before they
leave me or I leave them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
to ask myself why God chose to take them from this earth and how
the same could happen to me at any given moment.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them how important they are to you and remind them of the full
life that they have led.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealt with a suicide.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
a friend who I admired and thought of as a healthy and good person
committed suicide.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to see and talk to the people that I will not see for a while.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
reflect on the things in my life that I want to accomplish and the
person I want to be remembered as.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
flowers. They're nice, but give them to the person while they are
still alive to enjoy them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a sea otter or weeble- which my teacher loved, or hear a story
being read outloud- which the librarian always coule do so well,
or I hear a Pink Floyd song- which my friend loved.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I didn't know them better before it was too late.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see that friend one last time and compliment them and let them
know what a wonderful person he was. Maybe he would've chosen not
to end his life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
pray to God to forgive their sins and allow them into heaven.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a Roman Catholic. I don't look to the church for all the
answers. I like to go through the Big Man Himself.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like complete unity, peace, and happiness. The feelings cannot be
experienced through worldy goods.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the akwardness of seeing a lifeless body. That person inside the
casket is not the person I know and love; they are not inside
anymore; they cannot be seen.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the realization that I would never see that person again.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Mon Oct 26 08:42:43 1998
F17 in , SD =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, yesterday.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 19.
--Details:
His girlfriend broke up with him so he killed himself, He was bright
smart, good job, car, and friends.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end of a physical life to begin a new spiritual life. But in
the process you can have no other physical contact with those who
have gone to their new spiritual life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't cry because she told me she was dying and she told me not to
cry. I did alright even though I missed her so much. I didn't cry
untill I saw my dad's face, it was all red and covered in tears. I
broke down when I saw that.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Granparent died of cancer/heartattacks
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
All the people who were hurt because this boy commited suicide.
He didn't realize how many people were there for him. If only he
would have known he wouldn't have done it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is forever and suicide is forever, unchangable. There's no
going back to undo it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
everyone comes together to remember that special someone and they
all talk about the great times they had with them. It seems to
bring everyone closer together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
drugs
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
To really believe that he was dead, until I saw him laying in
the casket I still believed that he was alive and it was all a
misunderstanding.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
the best thing you could do. Having them know that someone loves
them and wants to spend time with them means more to a person than
any present of flowers you send to them.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Kept a little memory with me of him where ever I went. All of us had
the same necklace chain so every time we wore it we thought of him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
They said he was dead. I had a hard time believing anyone.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Sun Oct 25 13:09:02 1998
F16 in austin, tx =usa=
Name: kathryn
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just found it
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: really old age; Aged: 96.
--Details:
it was my great grandma
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of a new life, where you have to leave the ones you
love, but you will meet them later
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt understand
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was i heard about it from grandma
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the heartbreack it cause my grandmother and the lonliness it caused
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a positive thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
letting my great grandmother out of pain
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, walks in nature
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having them there anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
making there stay here as pleasant as possible
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learn to deal with death better
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it just happened
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was an outpour of emotion of the whole situation
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
listen to all of her stories
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to her one last time
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
it brought everyone together
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
funeral arrangements and will
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think aboutmy own death or the death of anouther loved one
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
no real big differnce
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people have to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried that i didnt do all of things she had asked me
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the people working at the home were heartless bastards who would
stoop to steal from dying old people
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
little to me
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
it gose to a better place
--Regarding MONEY:
not big issue, who to give the money to
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the sorrow
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to pick out what to wear for the funeral
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
detiration of self
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial, hurt, repentence, acceptance
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i wish i could have the faith in cathoism as she did
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
its scary at times, but part of life and inevible
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
crying in bed
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
everyone sould be present
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
i had to be strong for mom
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
had to always be strong
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
helped my mother and grandmother
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
touching aspects that i didnt
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Sat Oct 24 02:53:10 1998
Anonymous Teen Guest in =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
no
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
sorry
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, about half a year ago.
Cause of Death: cat...road...car...splat; Aged: not sure... it *was just* a cat.
--Details:
it disappeared and never came back... oh well thats what mum and
dad said... i now know it was run over
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the loss of life, where your life just goes... I dont know... damn
stupid aliens...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried I think
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my pop died... I was a bit too young to
understand. Before that pets had died too
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
misery... sad... you know, that stuff
--What I think my (Aussie) culture needs to better learn about death is:
well, too many religious beliefs clash... its annoying
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
our new cat, minty... so cute
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends. no family actually
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the period of not knowing if she was dead or not
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it never happened, i must have been dreaming.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with Lucky
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
what? nothing...
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i finally found out
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
well, silly mum and dad thought i would be happier not knowing
that the cat got run over... they thought that would be better
than telling me, until i started blaming someone for stealing the
cat... after all, the bastard did try to kill next doors cat... so
they finally told me. i felt better knowing than i possibly could
have felt if i didn't know... i was scared that poor lucky was killed
by the cat killer from five doors down... he has vicious dogs which
he uses to kill cats that kill his stupid birds... shouldnt keep
the poor birds in cages anyway. stupid bastard man
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i dont know... photos/memories, etc...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
good question. maybe better. maybe worse. maybe there would be
little devils throwing us in fires and stabbing us in the eyes
with pitchforks.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
basically WHY?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die myself.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. even if heaven is real, do cats go there? i doubt it. maybe
theres a cat heaven... yeah... never thought of that.
--Religious Affiliation:
half christian, half atheist - i.e. unsure...
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good. fair. better than most religions.
--Regarding MONEY:
it didnt matter much. its not like we had to pay money to scrape
it off the road or whatever.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it didnt happen.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a cat walking in front of a moving vehicle...
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is not a good idea to jump out in front of the car to save
the cat...
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
maybe i should have spent more time with it
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
meow
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
hmmm... yes... no its good to respect their beliefs when they
are dead
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would hate to know that i am going to die
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
hope their is an afterlife, like a good one... hope i dont go to
hell :-)
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
well nothing really
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Fri Oct 23 16:49:35 1998
F18 in Justin, Texas =USA=
Name: Lauren Crabtree
Email: <blurtigo-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
--Details:
He had been drinking all day. A lot of stuff had been going on
with him, and he decided he couldn't take any more. He shot himself
while his family was at church.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked, but took it quite well (surprisingly).
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A few months ago, my best friend shot
himself.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the underlying understanding of his immediate family and myself
that there was no way to help him, really, and the love we shared
for him, no matter what. His death only made me love him more.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it isn't such a terrible, horrible thing. Sure, it is a very
hard thing to deal with, and causes much distress... but, like they
say, everyone has to go sometime... (although sometimes it's unfair)
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the friendship of his family. They are very dear to me. But I
really did not meet them and talk with them until after my friend's
death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the thought of possibly seeing him again... and the memories
we shared.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emptiness. I would always call him when I needed someone to
talk with. I still find myself picking up the phone to call him...
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when i heard about his suicide
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit him that day. I had called his house a few hours before,
but noone answered. I thought he wasn't home, so I didn't stop by.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
love him all the same, and not be angry with him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i pass by places we used to hang out, or pass by the place he
shot himself.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would still have a best friend, someone to confide in, someone
to laugh with, and play with... someone to love.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was the nicest guy i ever met. Everyone liked him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him, visit him. I've often wished that I could die just
so I coould see him again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought that if he was really that unhappy, maybe he is better
off now.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me, organised religion really doesn't mean much. But it was
very important to him and his family. It helped his family quite
a bit, I believe.
--Religious Affiliation:
there isn't really one right now.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people were there. How many people loved him, and showed
support for him and us (friends and family).
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
going to his birthday party at his cemetery a month after he died.
It was eerie. We had birthday cake and took pictures...
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would just discuss my love for him, and how much he is missed
by everyone. And i would ask him when the next time I would see
him would be...
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had a few dreams where my friend has come back...or dreams
that I have found messages written by him after death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
The night he died, I lit an incense stick, and played guitar.
(He loved his guitar, it was his life) I haven't picked up my guitar
since then.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Talking with others, helping others cope, memories of my best
friend...
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
memories
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I talked with his friends and family, and kept a surprisingly good
head about it all.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I liked this questionnaire, actually. It touched upon many things
which I apparently wanted to talk about.
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Thu Oct 22 23:45:11 1998
M51 in Zagreb, =Croatia=
Name: Mihajlo Filipovic
Email: <fmihajlo-at-dns.voda.hr>
Web: http://WWW.voda.hr
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
http://plainview.com/lace/cool.htm
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Prof/Studies: Photography, the Art of Looking
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More personal info:
The Life Is Lethal. There is no need to kill any living thing. The
process has already commenced! Let's accept it.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bhagavad-Gita, Tibetan Book of the Dead, Life After Life by Raymond
Moody, Jr.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 80?.
--Details:
We entered the room where my wife's granma lay on her deathbed
and her eyes were closed. Still, she said to my wife:'You came to
me, Maya...' without looking at her. I tried to extend a gesture
of comfort by trying to put my hand on her head and she reacted
violently, trying to move away and letting out weird guttural cry
as if in pain or fear. I removed my hand immediately and realized
later that I was blocking somehow her crown chakra. Maybe she was
exiting and I was in the way somehow. A few minutes after that she
died (left?). Left is the word.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Shedding the VR helmet, 'lights on' in the theatre, being able to
see the props, exiting the prison cell, returning to original form,
switching off the illusion, waking up...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was forced to begave in a manner I didn't want to adopt. The serious
faces and black dresses were and still are the most idiotic things
to show to this world.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died in total awareness and capable of communication
until the last seconds. Then he closed his eyes and left.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the totally irrational behavior of people around the dead person. The
inherited idiotic mourning rites are laughable and hypocritic,
at least selfish. Mainly showing unpreparedness to deal with the
death by far too many.
--What I think my (Croatia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to un-learn the heaps of garbage forced into their heads by
priests and learn to count: one birth equals one death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it is not true. Death has its own gifts, rewards and
peculiarities as witnessed by those who have been there and
back. Someone said that the religious are in for their biggest
surprise (when they die, that is).
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
that I did not accept the local way of behaviour in the presence
of death. However, I'm not very popular for it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my inability to explain to others that their grief is not necesarry
and that they're only hurting themselves and others with it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't be overtly there. You are not needed, in fact, you're grossly
superfluous. You can not 'help', everything is proceeding exactly
and controls for once are outside of our clumsy reach(thank God).
--[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
succeeded in keeping the same stupid face as the rest of the
room. At the time, it seemed to be the thing to do. This sort of
behaviour is expensive, moronic, laughable and unnecesarry in the
21st century Western society.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that nobody around is authentically ready to accept it
peacefully and resorted to tears and wailing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the people who do not find the rituals of old a bit ridiculous
nowadays, especially in the light of the fact that the modern
living has thoroughly changed its aspects, deserve to be tagged
ridiculous themselves.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
communicate to the person while, and after exiting the body. As
for now I'm not able to find a way to do this and I find it hard
to trust the spirit callers.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
observe the most popular routine devised. For every birth there is
one death but novody seems to reflect upon this when they need it
the most.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the dying person wanted to be left alone, not saved or rescued. The
whole pack of wailing cretinous relatives should've been sent away
and whipped into some sense.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the jury-rigged Organization which grew around something so
simple. Same as wedding, for instance, which ends up in divorce court
two years later. If I may coin a phrase here, We Gather To Gander.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
sorry but no. And I strongly feel the bias in this question. How
about rephrasing it or just let it out?
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
What if we were immortal? Listen: Immortality is craved by millions
who do not know what to do with themselves on the rainy sunday
afternoon. (Jonathon Green)
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
no to that, too. The fair has nothing to do with esoterics and
that's where the death comes from. Fair is the word pertaining to
our little stupid sense of wishful thinking which only looks like
logic but more often than not, isn't.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
convey to the others the way I think about it. It could maybe reduce
their pain, and grief, perhaps.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried to explain to others my views and encountered the resistance
you wouldn't believe. The people WANT to be left stupid and deep
in what they like to call, tradition.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
total lack of medical community. They are just not helping where
the help should be given. It is not the length of life that needs
to be concentrated upon but the living quality. But they think the
body is the source of life anyway.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no difference in the last minute. The cause of death is just
the summon.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a weird version of organized crime. And that against common sense
which is the absolute injustice on this earth. Only trough realizing
that this world is 'lead' by The Greediest, one gets some insight
into this situation.
--Religious Affiliation:
my own. It has no name but it has enough answers for me to call it
mine. It's really an essence from the mix of everything. Including
logic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like most precise pointer to the right side of questioning the
Death. Do not accept, question and combine.
--Regarding MONEY:
worth every kind of disgust.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
illiteracy, primitivism, fear and fashion competition.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
a funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the end of life. If we knew why and when, nobody'd live the
life. We'd build waiting cars and wait around the world.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
grieving comes from lack of understanding.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It is probably true but you can't read about bread and stop feeling
the hunger. We may talk about the bridge when we get to the river,
right?
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
There are no 'sides'. We are simply lacking sensors. for instance,
the radio waves - all around os and trough us - but we need the
radio receiver to make them acceptable to us. So's with these
frequencies, too.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
When and if I meet such person(s) again, we'll communicate about
anything at all with an instant understanding. The unresolved is
a value tag characteristic of here, not there.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
there are no special feelings that'd matter. It is dealt with as
it occurs.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I presume that these things happen to the ones that need it for some
reason. If one's life course goes 'as expected', they do not need
any 'help' from the deceased. I do not have any similar experience.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The wishes of somebody leaving the train do not affect the
timetable. It is another ritual stupidity people so want to
keep. Only lawyers and other ghouls benefit from it.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
The part of me that really matters is not mortal, therefore the
rest of me may drop off me anytime it feels like it. My kid and
youngster's bodies are dead to me already aren't they? I'm 51 and
I'll be 72 when I lose it all (computerized death clock told me,
ha,ha).
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I really don't seem to have a 'ritual'. I sort of understand without
need for props of any kind and I do not want to look haughty or
something about it. I do not think it is of so much importance to
me as yet.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Anything I could rightly say about it is that I somehow succeeded
in un-learning the heap of rubbish from my youth days.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Accepting the fact that local culture is incomplete. One has to
compile from everything and everywhere and make own conclusions.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
In order to see, one must open one's eyes. Most of us should unlearn
a lot.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
the way is to explain. The understanding lessens the grief of the
moment and builds an armor against future (inevitable) encounters
with death. Any death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has been an occasion to explain it (partly, at elast) as I see
it without having to watch the audience grimace and without the
need to explain the same thing over and over.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
How come, when somebody gets born into this Valley of tears,
everybody seems to rejoice although we know what life heaps upon
one? How come everybody cries when somebody leaves the Valley of
tears for the Eternal Bliss? Is it logical, or is it human?
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Thu Oct 22 21:33:19 1998
F32 in Nashville, TN =USA=
Name: Judi Copeland
Email: <mytigodess-at-aol.com>
Web: http://WWW.angelfire.com/biz2/ForAGoodTimeComeIn
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
An NDE site link
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Prof/Studies: Self-employed
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Saved By The Light
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Dannion Brinkley
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 99.
--Details:
My great grandmother was a wonderful person who I felt a close
bond with. Even to this day, I still don't think of her as dead.
To me, she is still alive and well and happy. I may not be able
to see or hear her, but somehow, I know she is doing well. I know
she knows I still and always will love her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Shedding yourself of the cumbersome, flesh clothing you wear to
expose the real you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused, angry and sad since I was left in the dark about death.
I was only 8.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mom told me my aunt, her sister, had died of cancer. I started
to cry, but she told me to stop since I didn't know her that well.
--Religious Affiliation:
Currently, I believe in existance. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die, but I don't fear it. I want my organs donated
since I won't need them anymore and someone else can use it to live.
I also wish my corpse to be creamated. I would really miss whomever
was left behind and hope my death doesn't leave them with a heavy
burden. I know that I will see them again and it will be okay.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
Religion - Jehovah's Witness
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Thu Oct 22 21:27:06 1998
F17 in Sydney, NSW =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
in yahoo under questionnaires
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drugs; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my boyfriend who passed away. We'd
been together for over a year and i was pregnant withhis child. He
took a drug overdose and died. I was 5 months pregnant, 14 and
alone since my parents had abandoned me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Tue Oct 20 21:40:45 1998
F17 in Valencia, CA =US=
Email: <kmh-kris-at-rocketmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: Anorism; Aged: 77.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when one of us stops breathing, and when our hearts stop beating
and our brains stop functioning. Death is when we stop living and
go somewhere else in our spiritual form.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only 8 years old and I knew what it was and that I wouldn't
see the person again for a very long time, but because of the good
memories and my religious beliefs I know that I will see them once
more when I die.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my favorite uncle had cancer, I forget what
kind, but he passed away around Christmas.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when I was holding my grandpa's hand and I felt a strange comforting
feeling. By being able to say goodbye to him it gave me a settling
peace that made me smile letting me know that everything will
be alright.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
an understanding that death is a natural thing of life and that
you should learn to get past your mourning and live on your life
to the fullest.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
for how it took away the pain for so many of my loved ones who have
suffered through dying by having such diseases as Cancer and AIDS.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends because they helped get everything back on
track but still helped to keep the memories alive.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go of them and not seeing them everyday smiling back at me
and being there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be yourself with them because they don't want to die dying they
want to die living as they have always lived with their friends
and family and doing the things they would have done with you if
things were normal.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that even though they are gone they still remain in your
hearts as a part of the wonderful treasures inside of you and no
matter what they will always be special and I will always love all
of those I have lost.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I don't think I was confused
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was laughing because I was thinking of the really funny and happy
moments that I shared with them.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
teach my bestfriend how to rollerblade because she always wanted
to learn how before she passed away.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my friend and also the family members of mine who have
passed on.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I got to choose the flowers for the funeral because for me I
felt that I was helping out to make it special and to show the
appreciation I have towards my grandpa even if it might be as simple
and small as flowers.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I think that most people think it is important to show extra care
to the person dying because if they don't then they think they
are creeps or uncaring people, but for me I don't think they want
people to feel sorry for them they just want to be treated like
normal until they go.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I got teary-eyed when I wrote my descriptive/reflective essay about
my grandfather's death but that was because I was thinking about
the good memories and also I did miss him but I still have his white
car to always keep a part of him living because to me that car has
sentimental value cause he taught me how to drive in it when I was 9.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think it would really differ that much, except for the fact
that I would have one more friend, one more grandpa and one more
of many other people. I would be happy if they were still alive
because I could be with them and see them and it would be just like
all those good memories.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when my uncle died because I was only 8 years old and it was my first
time experiencing death, but now I know that it was there time to go.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
For me 5 years ago when my bestfriend passed away it was difficult
at first and I wished that I could just fly away from everyone and
be alone because they kept on bothering me by trying to make me
feel better but I didn't want all the attention, I just wanted to
deal with it on my own.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried at first because mourning for a loved one is only natural
because you feel so many emotions for them, but for me knowing that
I will see them once again after I die is a great comfort.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
is that they do their best and that when it is a person's time to
go then they are going to go no matter what the Medical Community
tries to do to stop it.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
that I wish they would really get a cure for it because it is sad
to see so many people suffer, and also that I don't think I could
get it just by being in contact with people who have those diseases.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Having a place where people will comfort you and always be there
if you need them and also where your beliefs can be found and can
help you accept death more with an open heart.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am Mormon
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right because I don't think that through all that DNA which built
our physical bodies could build what makes each and everyone of
us our own individual. I think yeah that it gave us a brain but
we have a spiritual body too which makes our mind what it is and
makes us feel emotions for certain things or people.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people he had influenced in his life and how they all
truly cared for him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I took it very well and understood so I was just a good friend to
them always during the time that they really needed me. And just
knowing that I helped them to be happy in their last days made me
feel good.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My friend and family members who have died didn't have visitations
but for me on the day my bestfriend died I had a "flash" as I call
it, during a class and in that flash my mom picked me up from school
and took me out to lunch cause I had skipped lunch at school and
then she pulled over to the side and said "I have something to tell
you, Christie passed away this morning while you were at school",
then it ended and I was left thinking "why did I think that?",
then when my mom did pick me up from school everything happened
like it had in the "flash"
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say "I Love You Always" and it would just make me smile
and feel happy
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want people to think of how no matter what I always smiled.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think that I would feel like my life has been full and that it
was time for me to go if I died.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I would say getting the chance to say goodbye to them before they
go is good closure but also for me it was praying. I found peace
in my prayers.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think just making plans with them and being with them a little
bit more than usual.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think how much I really do openly accept death as a part
of life
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Mon Oct 19 09:41:37 1998
F34 in BARCELONA, SPAIN ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE, HELLENISTIC PHILOSOPHY
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ACCIDENT; Aged: 18.
--Details:
SHE WAS VERY CATHOLIC AND WHEN THE HOLLY FATHER, JOHN PAUL II CAME
TO SPAIN SHE WENT TO SEE HIM IN MONTSERRAT, A MOUNTAIN WHERE IS A
MONASTERY. AFTER THE CEREMONY HER GROUP CAME BACK TO THE BUS. SHE,
AS ALWAYS, WAS WALKING ALONE AFTER EVERYBODY, AND SUDDENLY A PEACE
OF MUNTAIN FALLED OVER HER. SHE DIED AUTHOMATICALLY. I WAS HAVING MY
BREAKFAST IN THE BAR OF THE UNIVERSITY. I WAS READING THE NEWSPAPER,
WHEN I SAW THE NEW OF ONE GIRL DEAD IN MONTSERRAT. I HAD A STRONG
INTUITION, I DON'T KNOW WHY, THAT SHE WAS THE VICTIM, EVEN WHEN
THE NEWSPAPER WROTE ANOTHER NAME FOR MISTAKE. I CALLED MY MOTHER
CRYING AND SHE WAS CRYING TOO. I HAD RIGHT AND NEWSPAPER WROTE AN
INCORRECT NAME. I'M ATHEISTIC, HOWEVER I SPEND THE AFTERNOON IN
THE CHURCH BECAUSE I WAS SURE SHE WOULD LIKE. I WROTE THAT BECAUSE
THAT WAS THE DEATH WHAT TOUCH ME THE MOST. HOWEVER, 8 YEARS AGO
(MORE OR LESS) ANOTHER GOOD FRIEND KILL HIS SELF JUMPING FROM THE
WINDOW, BUT I STILL CANNOT TALK TOO MUCH ABOUT THAT. I'M SORRY
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--Death Is:
NOT TO BE, JUST DESAPEAR
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NOT FOREVER
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...HE WAS MY GRANDFATHER, THE PERSON WHO I
LOVED AND ADMIRED THE MOST, HE WAS A TEACHER AND I ADORED TO LISTEN
HIM. HE TEACHED ME A LOT OF THINGS. HE DIED OF CANCER. tHEY DIDN'T
LET ME SEE HIM DURING HIS LAST TIMES IN BED. I COULDN'T SAY HIM
GOOD BYE. oNE OF HIS LAST THOUGHTS WAS ME, AS MY MOTHER TOLD ME.
tHE DAY HE DIED, I CAME HOME AND MY FATHER TOLD ME GRANDFATHER
HAS GONE FOREVER. I UNDERSTOOD VERY FAST. MY SISTERS, OLDER THAN ME
WERE AT HOME. MOTHER WAS IN HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF A CAR ACCIDENT. I
WAS 7 YEARS OLD, AN I REMEMBER MY SISTER CRYING. IN THAT MOMENT I
THOUGHT I WOULD SEE HIM AGAIN WHEN I WOULD DIE TOO. YEARS LATER,
WHEN I REALIZED I'D NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN I START TO CRY FOR HIS DEAD.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
IMPOTENCE
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
MY CULTURE DOESN'T HELP TO DEAL WITH DEAD. IT IS A CULTURE OF
TERROR AND FEAR OF DEAD,AND I'M ONE OF ITS PRODUCTS. I THING
BUDDISM AND PANTEISTIC CULTURES LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT THE DEAD AS A
PART OF LIFE. OUR CULTURE HAS TO LEARN THE NORMALITY OF DEAD
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
LIFE. AND LIFE AND DEAD ARE THE TWO FACES OF THE SAME THING
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
SENSE OF HUMOR WHEREVER IT COMES
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
THAT PERSON WILL NEVER FEEL, DREAM, ENJOY, CRY...LIVE AGAIN. IT'S
THE BIG NOTHING
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
IT'S TRUE, BUT IDON'T HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT. I SUPPOSE THJAT
THERE IS A HISTERICAL BEHAVIOUR
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
TO TELL THEM HOW MUCH I LOVED THEM, AND GAVE THEM A BIG KISS
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I'M THANKFUL TO LIVE BACUASE I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO KNOW AND LOVE
THAT PEOPLE
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
WHEN MY UNCLE DIED 5 YEARS AGO OF CANCER. THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM
HE WAS VERY NEAR TO DEAD (FOUR DAYS). I WAS VERY CLOSE TO HIM IN
MIND. HE WAS ALSO AN SCARED PERSON IN FRONT OF DEAD. BUT IN HIS LAST
MOMENTS HE WAS ABLE TO MAKE A JOKE ABOUT HIS SITUATION. THIS TOUCHED
ME VERY MUCH, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE AFTER THAT HE TOLD ME: GIVE ME
YOUR HAND DEAR,YOU CANNOT IMAGINE HOW TERRIFIED I AM, BUT WHAT CAN
I DO? SENSE OF HUMOUR IS THE LAST THING THAT HUMAN BEENS CAN LOSE
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
WHEN MY FRIEND KILLED HIS SELF. FOR ME WAS VERY HARD, BUT I WAS THE
ONLY OBE WHO ACCEPTED IT AS A RIGHT OF EVERY PERSON TO FINISH WITH
HIS EXISTENCE
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I DON'T THINK ON IT. IT WOULD BE A TORTURE. THEY ARE DEAD AND I
WILL DYE, THATS ALL.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
IT'S PART OF LIFE BUT I CANNOT ACCEPTED. I TRY, BUT SOMETIMES
I'M TERRIFIED
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
JUST FELT A VERY BIG HOLE
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
HOW LIFE GOES VERY SLOWLY, EVERY DAY. IS HARD, HARDER THAN ACCIDENT,
I THINK.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
BIG LIES, VERY USEFULL FOR SOME PEOPLE TO DEAL WITH FEARS OF LIFE.
--Religious Affiliation:
NONE
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
NOTHING, I DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
WHEN YOU ARE DEAD YOU ARE DEAD, SO I DON'T LIKE FUNERALS. FOR ME,
BETTER MAKE A PARTY AS A HOMAGE. AND IN MY CASE I DON'T CARE IF MY
BODY GOES TO THE RUBBISH TRACK
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
THE INTUITION OF THE DEATH OF MY BEST FRIEND
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
WHEN I WAS A CHILD I BELIVED IN GOD. IT WAS EASIER. AFTER LOOSING
THIS BELIEVES, THINGS BECAME MORE DIFFICULT. NOW I DEAL WITH DEAD
VERY BAD. THE ONLY SOLUTION IS NOT THINKING ON IT AND REMEMBER A
SENTENCE: WHEN DEAD IS YOU ARE NOT, WHEN YOU ARE DEAD IS NOT. SO,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT DEAD YOU WILL NEVER MEET IT
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
SINCE CHILDHOOD I HAVE AN IRRATIONAL PANIC OF DEAD.
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Sun Oct 18 18:30:12 1998
M15 in edwards, ny =USA=
Name: David Truesdell
Email: <atruesde-at-tds.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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More personal info:
Yes, this can be posted
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart attack; Aged: 13.
--Details:
I was at the school when it happened and my father was it he gym
some other people (older) kindda knew what had happened and would
not tell mE who or what happened they jsut made me go into the music
room then I saw an ambulance my Mother coming and a stretcher with
someone who wasn't moving?
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--Death Is:
Lack of bio-actvity in the body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didn't think much of it because it was 2nd cousin never met but he
killed himself with a shot-gun in his mouth
--That first time, how it happened was
I was 13 it was my father, he had a heart-attack in my school gym
playing Volleyball like he did every Sunday and I was at the school
that night for my school plays dress-rehearsal
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I would not want to talk about ti but even now soem people will
say oh, I am sorry about what happened and I know they just want
to feel suportive but it just brings back some hurt
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Different people can handle it different ways
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My father died before he could see what my older brother has become
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Friends helpeed mE the best because my best friend Tom didn't ask
questions just talked about normal everyday things
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the pain others saw in it happening
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tell them to save you a seat by them in Heaven....
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I don't understand this question?
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I still think adn Dream of him being alive
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It helped change teh 'deathly' mood
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say good-bye I chose not to go in the ambulance with him whent hey
tried to get him back....
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Not break-down and do anything too irrational
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
They could not find my fathers glasses and put on a different pair
than his normal ones and he didn't look like my father
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Don't know what to answer?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Others talk of death I just want to give them a hug and tell then
it does get better
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would differ greatly becasue I have moved since his death?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did it have to be that night?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Sleep for the next 20 years
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Started jogging...adn continued untill I twisted my ankle 7 miles
from my house
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They didn't do enough b/c they were nto equipped iwht the correct
equipment
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My fatehr was a preacher, religioin helped my mother greatly
--Religious Affiliation:
Fater was a preacher at a Unitred Methodist I now attend a Weslyan
church
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Death is death if religoin can help you think better thoughts and
feel better then it is a great thing
--Regarding MONEY:
Money didn't really have any affect on things?
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Most people were there either family, people in group things suck
as Firemen (Volunteer firemen) or people to help out my family not
many actual friends of my fathers?
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Thinkinga bout why they bury the bodies? what good wasting a so
much of a casket and the body jsut to put 6 ft. under?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Your past my fathers side has always had bad hearts and he did also
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Party.....cleam parties not drinking to forget but be with friends
and talk aobut anythign not nesicerily the loved one or whoever
just have fun and let it settle in
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't understand the questoin
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved things aboutr my father I don't think?
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Hear that he is fine and doing good?
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It has happened to mE many times usually in dreams....one dream
I remember is when I was waking out of a store wiht my present
girl-friend who I realy like and I saw my father he saw me walked
towards me started yelling at mE because of my girlfriend adn then
my Mom ran out yelling at him saying he isn't my father ust a demon
trying to be
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't know?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel I won't live past 50 so I have fun now not thinking of
FAR future....
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
reading my dad's comic books just thinking that I would have some
of the saem thoughts he had while reading them made mE feel like
I had a good pieve of him in mE
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Just reading things I knew he had read or would love to read of
recent literature or comics
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think nothing then could have helped but If I could jsut be alone
wiht my girlfriend and jsut talkt o her aobut higns I would feel
somuch better aobut things because she lost a friend just a year
ago and I would love to talk to her one on one adn just talk....
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it helped show mE I still haven't full discovered my father
is gone......but I still won't for a while now..
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Sun Oct 18 03:09:51 1998
F42 in Pickering, Ontario =Canada=
Email: <cdngal1-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 42.
--Details:
he suffered with depression for 11 years and overdosed on the
antidepressants which were supposed to help him
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--Death Is:
part of out lifes cycle.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not give myself the option nor the time to grieve
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a friend of my boyfriends parents lost their
three year old daughter to a brain hemmorage
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of anger and abandonment.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to accept death and assist the survivors in the grieving process
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact I learned more about myself
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my children
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
anger and abnadonment
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to take one day at a time . Survival and coping techniques
are key. Everyone grieved differently.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the shock wore off some 6 monthes later and the reality of the
situation became clear.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was embarrassed it happened when it did at the funeral but it
certainly releived the tension that was building
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
prevent it
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
survive through this experience
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the casket. It was really nice but unnecessary to have been so
extravagent
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i smell a cologne, hear a certain song, see someone who looks like
him, see an older couple
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
we were supposed to grow old together
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
take the cowards way out and jump ship
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
crashed and had a nervous breakdown
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sheer anger....they are useless. We had no support networks nor did
anyone offer any. Their only answer to our feelings was to hand us
a prescription. "The bandaid solution"
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing....I believe in everything except the church
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that ther is an afterlife. Many people also feel my husband went to
hell for what he did. I do not believe that such a good man would
be anywhere but heaven
--Regarding MONEY:
I realized it does not buy the important things in life
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people were there. So many came and people who I hadn't
seen in years
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
having experienced both a sudden death of my husband and a long
death process of my father, I can't say which is better. I think
both effects you to the same degree but in a different way. I was
not able to accept either
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I'm sure I experienced many visitations of my husband after.People
thought i was crazy and seeing things in my grief, but i am positive
to this day i saw what i saw
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I still get really angry about . i think only time will heal
that. I try to practice forgiveness...some days it just harder
than others. I have come to realize through an online support group
that i am not alone in my feelings or experience. Its nice to know
that my feelings are natural and okay to express freely within this
group without being judged
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It wouldn't right now... I may have in the beginning but not now
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
One experience was that shortly after my husband death i went into a
redecorating frenzy in my home. At approx 3:00am one morning my
friend, her brother and I were in the basement putting wallpaper
in the bathroom. My youngest daughter came downstairs to tell
us she had heard a noise upstairs. We went to check.
On my diningroom wall i had plants in a container with a cup underneath
them. The noise was water dripping from the cups underneath one of
the planters dripping onto some plastic on a table. It lloked like
the plant was crying. I know for a fact i had nelected my plants in
my frenzy and hadn't watered them for weeks. When i touched the soil
of the plant it was bone dry and yet the cup was overflowing with
water. Totally unexplained. Another time my vacumn cleaner flew
from one side of the room to another. i was alone in the house.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
That you must try to respect the dying persons wishes. i am going
throught the same thing right now with my mother. She will die in
the not too distant future and I will respect her wishes to her
last breath
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have lived my life doing the best i can do and being the best i
know how. I have no regrets
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talked to my husband on a dialy basis
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk to him all the time. Some people said some things
to me that made a lasting impression and i live by them. One in
particular didn't make sense to me at the time until it came to
mind at as later date. She said " you are a bug in a rug in life"
"God is the weaver of our rugs" "When you are in the rug you cannot
see how things are or why they are the way they are". "You have to
climb up the wall and look back before you can see all the colours
and why they are the way they are before you will understand"
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just being there..my best friend was my biggest support because she
listened..even if i was not totaaly logical.she listened without
judgement
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think... I don't talk openly with many people about
this. It appears they don't understand unless they have experienced
it.
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Fri Oct 16 13:14:33 1998
F50 in Albany, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 85.
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--Death Is:
the dying of the body, our connection to earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was oblivious to the permanence.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother died at the age of 86.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not crying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
cremation is all right.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my therapist.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking about it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know they're not alone.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first heard about it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's normal.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
think about what I would say at the funeral.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not break down.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
at the wake I felt very protective of my father and wanted to stay
by him and rub his hands to warm them. I didn'twant to leave him
there alone. I wanted to stay with him that night.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
saying prayers.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a holiday or birthday comes around.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It wouldn't.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I wanted my father to live to be 100.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wake up and find it was just a dream.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried and cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratefulness.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
wake, funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
past Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like it's always present.
--Regarding MONEY:
there wasn't any to fight over.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my protectiveness toward my father.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Holding the box of my father's ashes.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
people giving things away
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it takes a long time
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I ope my sister had this with my father.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
family
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my father how proud I am of him and thank him for
everything he's given me. I have no guilt -- he knew how much I
loved him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I felt my fahter's hand on my face comforting me. I've smelled
his cigar and felt very close to him.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Living Will.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't fear my own death now.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Keep an artricle of clothing with their smell on it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I volunteer with Elder Services.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me cry again.
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Thu Oct 15 22:47:20 1998
F18 in Melbourne, Victoria =Australia=
Name: Belinda Mcgregor
Email: <belindamcgregor-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
am interested in psychology experiments so was searching through
Yahoo and found you
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Prof/Studies: studying Media Studies at Uni
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I actually can't remember specific titles but have read numerous
scieftific studies into NDEs- Near Death Experiences
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
when the heart stops beating, the person stops breathing, the body
doesn't move. Everything basically stops. The body gradually starts
to waste away.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really understand what had happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great grandfather died. My family and
I were on holiday in Broome and my mother came in and told me
that her grandfather was dead. I was eight years old and remember
saying to her "Why are you crying, mum? Don't you know he's gone
to a better place".
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother feeling guilty that she had never gotten around to inviting
the person over for dinner before she died.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
people are afraid of death because it is never talked about.
It needs to be talked about because it is a certainty that everyone
is going to die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
if someone is suffering, death will get rid of the pain for them. I'm
talking about life threatening illnesses.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends
--Religious Affiliation:
Though I don't believe in some of the principals of Christianity I
do believe something happens when you die. I guess I'm an athiest,
though I do believe in Jesus Christ.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that it makes the most sense out of all the religions. I strongly
believe in it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know a lot of people who have had these "visitations" and I believe
in them. Infact, I think they are good for the person. When I die,
I have made a pact with a few others that I will visit them to show
them that there is life after death.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I know of a man who had a heart attack, then had an NDE and was told
that he would have three more heart attacks then would die for good,
as such. Well, exactly that happened.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
A friend of mine saw her grandfather after he had died. He
was standing next to her grandmother who had died a few years
earlier. They were holding hands and looked happy.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Wed Oct 14 21:46:10 1998
F15 in , CA =USA=
Name: Christina Green
Email: <ywolfie-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo, was bored of course
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Prof/Studies: Student
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More personal info:
its not finished. BUt i do have a time to go to sleep don't you
know. I've never delt with real close death, i've always been cold
and uncareing about it. My friend was always crying about deaths of
aunts and uncles etc. but i didn't think it mattered. She got angry
when i said i didn't care and that the people should put it behind
them when she talked about the Oklahoma City bombing. Is it just
youth or am i just warped? I couldn't care less about human life,
i'd cry more if my new cat died than if my mother did. of course
i doubt i'd cry anyways.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, ? yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ol' age; Aged: 7.
--Details:
Nah, it was my mom's cat anyways
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end, some people consider it a new begining. Its when the body
dies and what happens after wards is argued. Life ends.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Blinked, then walked on.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandma died, i didn't care at all. didn't even flinch.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the stiff body of the cat being pulled out from under the bed.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Get over it quicker. Its not like your life is ending
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I don't have to clean the litter box or go to Grandmas anymore
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nothing. if someone really close was to die now, i wouldn't go
to anyone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
getting everyone to stop whining about it
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
hell. who wants to be forced to do what they don't want to . god
doesn't exist
--Religious Affiliation:
n/a
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone was greedy with sarrow
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i didn';t care at all
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
If you don't care, it doesn't matter, i was sadder about my cat
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
My family tried to force me to be sad
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Wed Oct 14 21:41:00 1998
F20 in Lakewood, Colorado =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: euthanasia; Aged: 17.
--Details:
He was old and was deteriorating rapidly. It was for the best that
we put him to sleep
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like losing a part of ourself
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't completely understand it, but I knew the people around me
were hurting a lot
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandpa had been really sick, and he
died a natural death of cancer at about age 80
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The way he looked after he died. He was calm, and I felt for the
first time in a while, content
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We need time to mourn
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The way my family pulled together and supported each other during
this hard time
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family pulling together, and the fact that my friends realized
that it wasn't a joke. They didn't blow off the sorrow that I
was suffering
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss. Knowing that I wouldn't see them again for a very
long time
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Trying to decide what was the best thing for him
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is alright in the time of sorrow. It's good to have have
memories and feelings, but it's important to take time to mourn also
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye to my aunt who died a very sudden and tragic death
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there when my dog died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Thinking of the memories
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I fell really lonely, that is when I start to feel sad
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That so many people close to me have died while I am still so young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
spent alot of time thinking about the past. I knew it was for
the best, and it slowly became easier
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration. When we put my dog to sleep, the vet was so kind
and just. It's a shame that human doctors can't be as understanding
about life as an animal's doctor
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I was happy to have people pray for my family, yet it didn't really
console me to think of a higher being
--Religious Affiliation:
I was raised as a Presbyterian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe in a spirit. I think that there is something in everyone
that keeps living long after death. It is there to support and
watch over the dead's loved ones
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Geeling the support of the dead in my time of need
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them that I love them
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was visited by two of my relatives that I was very close to.
I was visited in a time of loneliness. They didn't say a lot.
They let me know that they were happy, and the let me know that
everything would be okay. I still hold on to the feelings that they
left with me, and I still look to that memory in my times of need.
Now I only dream of the day when I will see them again, but I know
that I will surivive with them in my hearts
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I enjoyed filling out the blanks. Usually, I dislike writing things
like this on the computer, but in this case it was important for
me to share my feelings
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Wed Oct 14 18:38:02 1998
M28 in Los Angeles, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
while searching for "psychology" on web browser
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Prof/Studies: Grad Student in Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: colon cancer; Aged: 65.
--Details:
chemotherapy for a year after emergency surgery; father waited too
long to seek help for symptoms he suspected years earlier; cancer
eventually spread everywhere.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life, consciousness and existence.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandparent in Germany. Heard parents
discussing it over the phone.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
All the things I never got to say to my father but wish I had.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that denying death and that we will all die, makes us afraid to
truly live our lives to the fullest.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It helped me realize that life is too short to sit around and
wait for things to happen - one must go after the things that make
one happy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching my father die over the course of year, and distancing
myself from him and the family to make the eventual loss easier to
deal with.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought about quitting school to be at home or staying there to
complete something I thought would make my father proud and help
my mother in the future.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
No, I do call it a regret. It made me realize that I have had too
many regrets and lost opportunities and that I will endeavour to
prevent it in the future.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember how his death made me more distant and more reluctant
to care about anyone that deeply again.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why should a good man who cares about his family die, when all the
other losers in the world continue to live. The inequality of it
all turned me away from religion.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was lost and without guidance or motivation to continue with my
own life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they see it all day long and try to be empathetic,but I know that
they, too, must distance themselves or be swept away by the emotions
that affect the family of the deceased.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It meant something for my father: a chance to talk about the things
he felt he could not tell us - things that happened during WWII.
For me, it was what finally pushed me over the edge and deny God;
a feeling I had struggled with for years before my father's illness.
--Religious Affiliation:
past: Catholic Current: atheist,with existential tendencies
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
A fear that our lives are meaningless and purposeless. Man wishes
to believe that our existence has a purpose and that our time on
Earth is not the end of our existence. Ultimately, it is nothing
more than a conscious/unconscious anxiousness about death and the
finality that it brings.
--Regarding MONEY:
Lack of money was the reason that my father opted to be cremated,
although his and my mother's religious beliefs forbade it. It helped
my see that there are other things in life that are more important.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Nothing brings people together like a wedding and a funeral - each
allowing a person to relish life. Either to be thankful that they
are still alive themselves, or to take part in the happiness that
new life brings (i.e.,a wedding of two people).
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Giving away one's belongings.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I resolved them by being able to finally decide to go about my
life the way I always wanted to, not according to how I thought my
father would have wanted me to. It took me five years to decide
that my goals at that time were those to make my father happy and
in following his dreams for me, I thought I could compensate for
all the things I wish I had told him. Watching my friends move
on with their lives while I stagnated, then watching them drift
away,made me realize that I had issues to resolve.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
We knew that no medical treatment could cure my father and when the
doctors asked us if we would like for them to artificially sustain
him through feeding tubes, etc., I could not bear the thought of
him being aware of his condition but unable to do anything about it.
I found it undignified.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
All the silly things I am afraid to do now, due to shyness or other
related nonsense, I would do without hesitation. But at the same
time, I would rather end my own life and feel that final bit of
control over my own existence, than try to pretend that I am happy
with my fate.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Wed Oct 14 13:02:16 1998
F14 in Fort Worth, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: he shot himself while on drugs; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
deserting people
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my opa (grandpa) died when I was in 5th
grade.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and crying
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
suicide is wrong, because you desert everyone
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got to be better friends with people who cared about my friend
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
no one supported me - I had to be strong, because he was closeer
to my brother than to me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that he deserted my brother, me, and everyone who cared
about him
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel all alone
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he died the morning my best friend moved away - and I had no one
to talk to
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him I cared
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we had to look at him in the coffin
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember him talking to me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It wouldn't - except I wouldn't be so lonely - but I never would've
told him, unless I knew he was going to die -but otherwise I never
would've gotten the nerve
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he deserted us all
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I could talk to someone - God - who was always there. Even though
he took my friend away -my friend is happier with him
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist - Christian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people cared about him - like 900 people were there -
I wouldn't have been missed
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
?
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I doubt he'd even know who I was
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Yelling at him, at night, looking up at the stars - writing him
letters
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I write him letters
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
I worried about my Oma, because when he died, she was left all alone.
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Sat Oct 10 19:33:11 1998
Anonymous Guest in , ==
... in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Just browsing through Yahoo. Was bored, thought I'd fill out surveys.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 14.
--Details:
It happened right around Christmas break. I still have strong
memories of the time I spent afterwards. It was the first person I'd
known who had killed himself, and really, the first person I'd truly
known who died. He had a twin brother -- I can't remember either
name now, but they were both in a lot of my classes at school. His
twin, of course, was crushed, and I felt really really bad for
him. Though I didn't wonder at all about the suicide, I spent hours
wondering what his twin brother must feel like. They were always
doing something together, it seemed. I also have clear memories
of how I spent the holiday. It was my first bit of truly obsessive
activity that I can remember. I got a huge 1000-piece puzzle,
of some old-time store or something, to put together. The music
I listened to, repetitively, was some Monkees album. I have no
idea why I listened to the same thing, and I hated the Monkees as
much as a year later. Still, songs like Last Train to Clarksville
remind me of the incidence. Oh, and this also sparked a change
in writing. Before I was writing mostly bad sci-fi short stories,
with an occasional mix of fantasy or horror. Afterwards, I started
writing bad young teenage angst stories. Luckily, I've lost most
of that stuff.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of life. It's something that a lot of people ponder
over what happens afterwards. When someone dies, there's a ritual
mourning over the loss.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know the person, so it was somewhat awkward. Not going to
the funeral, either, made it seem unreal.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was a distant relative, one of those
'great-aunt' types I never saw. She died of old age. My parents
went to the funeral, but I had to stay with a sitter.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being stunned by it all. This is the most recent death, that of my
grandmother. I knew she was sick. It dragged on, her stay in the
hospital, and it seemed like she'd exist in some tortured state
of existence forever. That's when I realized for certain what I
feared -- not dying, but events before that, if not instantaneous
and sudden.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
what happens afterwards. Damn it, I want to know. :P
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my granddad was able to continue with his life, even eventually
remarrying, while keeping the memory of my grandmother alive.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the time spent in the hospital.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
go there. Even if the person who's dying isn't aware (and I think
they are more than we realize), it's important for others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the procedures over the funeral. It was the first one I'd been to,
and not knowing what to expect made it that much worse.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Fri Oct 9 13:08:53 1998
F31 in york, pa =america=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: legislative assistant
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Dr. David Peck
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 26.
--Details:
He was misdiagnosed. Had he gotten better treatment, he may be
alive today.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The loss of a human body we no longer can touch, speak to ,hear,
or in any way communicate with. The soul of whom may live on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was terribly sad. I fely alone and lost.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother's uncle died. She & I had
been visiting to bring food & comfort to him while he was gravely
ill. I always have been the type to get along with the elderly so
his timely & inevidable death was particularly sad for me. I felt
I lost someone who I wasnt supposed to know to begin with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I truely felt grief. As an adult, I felt the death rip away a part
of my heart. There was a void never to be filled by another person.
--What I think my (america) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It can be celebrated with good and bad memories as long as it
rings true.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my nieces gradfather died ( he is not my blood relation )
my 6 year old niece taught me the importance of closure through a
formal funeral. I used to believe they were barbaric but now I see
them as a step toward healing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own inner peace with the world & the inevidibleness of death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Going to the funeral of my nieces grandfather without my husband
( she is his sister's daughter ). He had to be in court that day
and I had never gone to a funeral alone before.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I have never been in attendance.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to celebrate death as a passing of a soul to another
place. My friend won a medical malpractice suit and with the
$$ organized a party with a band for after the small memorial
service. Everyone took a living plant as a symbol of his and all
life.He was 26 years old.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Knowing my friend had a fatal disease, was going to die but he
could still dance all night and kiss so sweetly.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
all emotions are acceptable. One should not suppress any genuine
emotion.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my friend more. He would have made a wonderful husband & father.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
dance that last dance & speed through the city with the top down.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I mixed up the name of my nieces grandfather I called him poppy when
his name is pappy, my niece quickly and stearnly corrected me. Her
"poppy" is still alive.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
viewng the body. Pictures are so much more accurate.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
it is the aniversary of my friends death. He died on Christmas Eve
so Christmas time takes me back there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I may never have married my husband.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he died so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
No, it's o.k. , now.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
always take informed charge of your life and the lives of those
you love.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I was not involved with hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little. We all have our own beliefs and death is private.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a practicing Christian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comfortable.
--Regarding MONEY:
my friend left $$ to help ease the burden for his familt. This is
very important.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
when the details are taken care of, it is a lot easier for all.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
celebrating life.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
listen to your body a lot of untimely death is unnecessary.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
give yourself time to feel & grieve.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I believe he was visited by his grandmother.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
don't let others secret there feelings. Help other people to be
aware and share there feelings.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him that I could have loved him like I love my husband.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Do not resusitate orders should be followed if in a persistant
vegitative state.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would do my best to tie up loose ends and mend ties with the
people I care about.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
picture him alive and well in your interpretation of heaven.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it made me happy to rethink the relationships I had with the dead.
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Fri Oct 9 11:33:29 1998
F33 in , California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attacks/old age; Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I called up a friend and she sounded awful.
I asked her what was wrong and she said her mother had just died.
It was quite sudden. She just suddenly keeled over in front of
them and was dead. Heart attack.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
They wouldn't be there anymore for me to tell them I loved them or
to tell them anything. That they were gone and would never come
back. That someone who had once been a very active and important
presence in my life was gone. It also touched on my own mortality.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her more how much I appreciated her. How smart she was.
How important she was in my life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That is my thought. It's not fair. Because you are born, now you
must die. There's no way to stop it. To know there's a time limit.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Well, something like that happened to me. After my mom's
brother died, I was alone in the house and I heard someone call
my mom's name. I thought it was my dad. I said "what" because she
wasn't home. I heard them call her name again. I came out of the
room and said "what" again. Nobody was there
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
There have been many dreams of my grandmother still alive. She has
given me warnings about certain things in my life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It scares the life out of my. It's something I can't stop and
that terrifies me. Sometimes it keeps me up nights. It's quite
frightening to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Somewhat cathartic.
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Thu Oct 8 11:26:16 1998
F19 in St. Louis, MO. =USA=
Name: Sondra Range
Email: <sondra-at-southover.com>
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Prof/Studies: Secretary
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My family was on vacation in Florida when
we received a phone call taht my grandfather had died. He went
very peacefully. He was ill with diabetes, a stroke, and various
things. My grandparents lived five houses down from me, so we were
all close. My grandmother had got up and went into the kitchen
to get him a piece of pie. She asked him a question, and when
there was no response from the living room, she went to check.
He had passed away in his favorite chair.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Since I was only five, I did not realize the full meaning of death.
Everyone in my family was strong. We all beleive in heaven and God,
so our religion (christianity) helped us in this time.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
My age held back the full mental stages I would go through now
being an adult.
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Thu Oct 8 09:39:37 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
can't think of a single one, sorry
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 9 ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 51.
--Details:
Very sudden and unexpected. She was in the hospital being treated
for a leg ailment, I come in on Easter Sunday, and they won't let
me in her room. Apparently, the physical therapy they gave her for
her legs let loose a blood clot which went straight to her heart
and killed her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of existence on Earth as we know it. We don't know what
happens after we die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried and cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my cat got run over and I saw the entire
thing. He wasn't dead and I watched him suffer and was screaming
and crying the whole time. I was 7 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My father hugging me and crying, saying "I loved her too, you know".
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how not to judge other person's beliefs about it. Nobody believes
the same thing, and let's face it, nobody really knows what happens
when we die. But we constantly challenge others' faith about it
and that's wrong. If somebody has a belief that comforts them,
let them have it. Who are we to say that person is wrong?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got closer to my dad at that time and we've never been close.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Me. Working it out in my mind and being strong enough to deal
with it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it was so unexpected. I still think about her all the time and want
to call her on the phone. I'm getting married next week, I just
graduated college, and she's not here to see that. It's always
going to be hard for me to deal with.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasn't there when she died. I don't know what I would tell
somebody.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was stronger than I thought I was.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they told me in the hospital she had died. I heard what they were
saying but it didn't make sense, it was like they were speaking
gibberish. I felt all the feeling go out of my body and I just
collapsed and I heard myself say from very far away, "are you
telling me she's dead?"
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't laugh at all.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
introduce her to my fiance. She would love him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be strong enough to help my father and the rest of the family cope.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
can't think of anything.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
She died on Easter.. that was supposed to give her some kind of
automatic ascention into heaven.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have special occassions that she's not there for.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I can't imagine that, she's gone and there's no bringing her back
or seeing her again. She's gone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did this happen to her so young?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought about all the times I spent with her and grived over it.
I've never gotten angry at her for it, though.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical community is inefficient and bumbling.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptized Protestant, raised by Christian Science/Catholic parents,
never go to church at all
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
--Regarding MONEY:
It wasn't important. She didn't have a job or any money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All the people who came to support us and help us.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to view the body in the hospital. She was gone, what was
the point?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I dont' know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
N/A
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know if she saw anybody.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Nope.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd want to know how she's doing. It would help me to know she's
happy now.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I wish it did happen so that I could talk to her. Since she died,
I have never once dreamed of her.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talk to her still all the time, in my head.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
No
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I think I was too young to fully understand the implications
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Thu Oct 8 01:49:05 1998
F47 in Raleigh, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
motherloss
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 10 mos ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia (and copd); Aged: 73.
--Details:
I feel the hospital staff killed her. One of the staff (when I
came into the room), had TIED her down and had given her morphine!
You don't give morphine to someone with breathing problems!
On another occasion when I came in the room I found an attendant
shoveling chocolate pudding down her throat while her breathing
mask was on, and she was gurgling. I hollered to the attendant
that she was aspirating and they managed to find some equipment and
get it out. The doctor had been adamant about not feeding her with
the breathing mask on. I am angry at the hospital and the people
responsible and angry (and guilty) that I did not adequately protect
her. I spent many nights in the hospital, but they would not let
me stay in her room.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A transition from the physical to pure consciousness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
ignored it, hoping it would go away.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my grandfather who I knew only alittle
bit. I did not go to see him in the hospital, nor did I go to view
his body at the funeral home. I just pretended it did not happen.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The hospital killed her....
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To forget about the economics of death, and realize that the person
is just as human as they are. To treat the person as if it was
THEIR loved one.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nothing...nobody understood my grief. Nobody wanted to hear my
anger and outrage.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
How cold the hospital staff was. How I could see that doctors wanted
to perform unnecessary procedures to make money that would cause my
mother alot of pain. (Neurologist wanted to do a spinal tap on my
mother who had pneumonia which causes some confusion anyway-he was
angry that we would not let him...he said it could be meningitus
to the brain and it would be our fault)....additional note...he
managed to get a fee in also for the day she died which was more
than a week after he wanted to do the procedure....he was not needed,
but guess he needed the money. Cynical, you bet.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there for them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
tried to protect her. Learn all you can of the procedures involved
and watch like a hawk.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Change hospitals like I had wanted to.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I am thankful for nothing.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Whenever I think about it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still did not cope for quite sometime.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Disgust. I spoke with a nurse I know at this hospital and she said
she had been asked to do things that would "hasten" a patient's
demise, and had refused...the head nurse had to do the dirty deed.
She said that one day, that hospital was going to be sued.
--Regarding MONEY:
I have found that the hospital records saying that my mother was
in there for a year!!!! I have to now go get the actual records
and show medicare that she was not in for more than a month! I am
disgusted with the greed of the doctors and the hospital and the
medical profession as a whole.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My mother wanted no service, just a cremation and we kept to
her wishes.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
racing heartbeat.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I went to a psychiatrist and he put me on pills for panic attacks
and depression....I had noticed that the first visit had been cut
"short", so I was particularly watchful the next time. I have no
health insurance, so this was ALL out of pocket.... Anyway, he
was running late, and the patient before me was in for 25 minutes.
He called me in for my 30 minute appointment and after 10 minutes,
he said our time was up. I pointed at my watch and said he was
cutting me short. The doctor proceeded to tell me I could "hate"
him if I wanted but his 30 minute appts were for only 20 minutes.
I told him I had been timing it and it had only been 10 minutes. I
have tossed all the pills, lost my job, stopped going to the shrink.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell her I was sorry I had not been able to protect her
better. I would tell her also that I missed her terribly and that
I loved her. If she could just tell me she is alright, I would be
able to maybe put it behind me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A will.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not think I will be around alot longer. Not because of suicide
or anything like that....I am just SOOO incredibly tired....
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
I just chose not to deal with it. I was only about 6 yrs old.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Persist in trying to communicate with me. I have become a hermit.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I cried alot, which is probably a good thing. I don't know why I
am affected so much more than other people, but I am, or seem to be.
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Thu Oct 8 00:00:20 1998
F20 in , Iowa =U. S.=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Prof/Studies: Psychology major--plan to go into counseling
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Inspirational peotry--not sure what the title is and my Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Helen Steiner Rice
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurism; Aged: 40s.
--Details:
She was my friend's mom. I took it hard, realizing it could have
been my mom. It happened out of the blue, while she was watching
my friend play volleyball at a tournament. There was no warning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Physically dying, where your physical body stops working.
The heart stops pumping, which forces the rest of the body to shut
down too. It is very painful emotionally to have someone close to
you die, which means that so many emotions or feelings go through
your mind that you can hardly take it. It takes a very long time
for the emotional pain to lessen.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried a little, then tried to put it out of my mind. Then I went to
school, but had to leave. Then I cried my heart out after seeing
my grandpa and seeing him cry. I felt like a part of me died too,
and I could not believe that I would not be seeing grandma anymore.
The thought of not seeing her just did not seem like a reality.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandma who i was close to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much it seemed like it was something that could not have happened
to someone so young. I remember how much I hurt just to know that
my friend was hurting.
--What I think my (U. S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
For Christians, it is not the end. For people who are saved, it is a
time of rejoicing in heaven because finally the person who died can
now be with their Father, God. They can live forever in Heaven.
People also need to know that if they do not believe in God and
accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior, death is too late for
them to change their heart. Dying means they missed their chance
to live for God on earth and they do not get any second chance to
declare Jesus as their savior. That means that they will, like all
unsaved people, will never experience Heaven and will spend the rest
of time in Hell. Christians are spritually alive, but Non-Christians
are spiritually dead here on earth. People need to know this so
that they do not take life for granted and will be saved before
it is too late. When it is too late, there are no second chances.
Death can happen at any second. Jesus can return at any second.
Therefore, they should know to be prepared and be right with God.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandma does not have to suffer anymore. She is in Heaven now,
with a new body that is not old or imperfect. She is with God,
and there is no greater gift than to live with God for eternity.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Crying by myself and talking to God. God was my biggest comfort,
although it took me time to turn to Him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting the reality that they are no longer here and won't be a
part of my everyday life anymore.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I took life for granted and did not think that people close to me
could actually die. It is important not to take things for granted.
It is important to see the good side too, like they are with God
now and do not have to suffer anymore. It made me aware that time
is of high quality when spent with people you love because someday
they will be gone and only memories are left.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I questioned why it had to cause so much emotional pain.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a release from all of the grief. It was a time to recall
the silly things that grandma did so we could think of happy things.
we were already emotionally drained.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye, not matter how hard it would be. When i saw my
grandma the last time, I did not know it was goodbye for real.
I just thought it was "see you later."
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have and recall vivid memories of my grandma.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
they spelled my grandma's name wrong in the paper and it upset me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i have specific memories, such as the things she would do for us.
Also, when i just want the type of enchiladas that she makes that
no one can replicate.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I may not appreciate life as much. I may still be living in a
fantasy that everyone close to me can never die. Her death was a
good thing, although I miss her greatly.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I did not think that it was fair to feel so much pain. At the time
i did not think it was fair for someone who I loved to be taken
from me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
appreciated life more as a gift and appreciated more those around
me that I love. I am thankful of time I can spend with those I love.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Prayer support, leaning on God.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian--Charismatic Quaker Friends
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
It is right in a way. God transcends over all. Everyone of us
does go somewhere. Some will go to Heaven, some will go to Hell.
WE may not understand it, but it still happens.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I could let out my feelings and not feel alone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
any significant change in health can and should be questioned. be in
tune with your body. if something is not right--get it checked out.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
dont view it as death, but as life after death. dont mask your
feelings either. confront your feelings and deal with them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
It was very important to have friends for support and family who
were just as upset.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I had never thought about the fact that people do not physically
live forever.
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Wed Oct 7 13:00:06 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimers; Aged: ?.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandfather had Alzheimers and was put in
a rest home, a few years later he died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Just knowing that the person is in a better place.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
I was aware that my grandfather wouldn't live much longer so it
really wasn't such a shock when it happened.
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Wed Oct 7 07:07:44 1998
M20 in Great Falls, Montana =usa=
Email: <krprok-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Military Police Officer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, yrs 4 ago.
Cause of Death: accidental shooting; Aged: 16.
--Details:
I dealt with this one pretty well because I hated the son of a
bitch. He made my life a living hell during middle school and my
first year of highschool. I know this made sound somewhat morbid but
I felt a sense of freedom when I found out that he died. Especially
the way he was killed. He accidentally shot himself with a hunting
rifle. He bled to death. I knew that he died slowly and painfully
but with that it gave me a feeling reparation for all of the pain
he caused me. Don't get me wrong. I don't think his death was a
good thing but I can't help the way it made me feel.I don't what
you all think of me. You may think that I'm a complete and total
psychopath. I apoligize if I made you feel that way.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Try not to think about it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
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Tue Oct 6 23:20:04 1998
F30 in Porterville, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Social Worker
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Motherless Daughters
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Hope Edelman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 12 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurysm; Aged: 39.
--Details:
the aneurysm put my mother into a coma for 16 months. she died
offically due to complications of pneumonia.
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--Death Is:
is the completion of the life cycle.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
noticed all the relatives coming over.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great grandfather died in his sleep
in my grandparents home.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
for most, and myself, i think it was an end to a long, slow and
emotionally torturous situation.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
don't prolong someone's agony.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my siblings and i are extremely close.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support from my siblings and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
abandonment and the realization that my children would never know
my mother.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i don't remember laughing, but i do remember my aunt taking pictures
during the funeral and my cousin and i smiling for the camera.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i was lucky enough to have made my peace with my mother before she
went into the coma.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
on my mother's birthday.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
would have already been married and possibly have children.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to lose my mother at such a young age.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
feel her presence close to me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was happy for my mother. she was finally free of the physical
world and could rest in peace.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
more counseling for the emotional upheaval.
--Religious Affiliation:
church of the nazarene
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
rejunvenation
--Regarding MONEY:
not an issue. my father continued to work and support the family.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
those who knew and loved my mother supported my family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing what to say when someone says "i'm sorry".
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
the doctors were concerned about my mother going into code blue
and asked my father, my mother's parents, and my aunt(mom's sister)
how they wanted it handled. mom's parents and my father strongly
insisted that everything should be done to keep my mother alive.
i remember my aunt and i talking afterwards about how we wished
they would have decided to let my mother die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
when i was younger, i couldn't see myself living past the age of
thirty. now that i am thirty, i can see a long future ahead of me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
unconsciously, my siblings and i will all contact one another
without realizing the closeness to the death of our mother.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i have extreme respect for other people's mothers.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i have worked with female teens who have also lost their mothers
at a young age.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
puts more perspective on some points.
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Tue Oct 6 12:12:40 1998
F17 in Leeds, =England=
Name: Ruth
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
doing psychology research
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Prof/Studies: studying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when life leaves our body. Everyone is scared of it at first but
we don't know what happens to the soul afterwards.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried, then tried to carry on like normal.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my dad died when I was 13 from a heart
attack. My brother and I found him in the morning in bed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when a neighbour came round within an hour of the death. He said
"How are you?" I said, "Fine, how are you?" That was my natural
response, I hadn't accepted that he'd died.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's not all bad
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I have matured as a person and now I can deal with more things,
and empathise with others.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
writing about it and getting over it on my own
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I had no dad to 'look after' to me anymore.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was coming to terms with the grief about a month after it happened
and all my friends and the other people at school had forgotten
about it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it must have worried the people I was with at the time, but they
understood afterwards.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with dad, be there for him when he needed me,
and get to know him better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
move back to our old house and make a new start.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
other things go wrong, I relate them back to dad and wish he was
still around even if it were only to give me some discipline.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't like doing that; I think that everythingthing happens for
a reason and this is the best way things could have happened
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that the most amazing person I know has gone and everyone else has
their dad.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had occasional fits of crying, andd feeling sorry for my self on
my own. I also became very apathetic and that has remained, but
not as severely.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I don't do the medicine thing really, I prefer coping with things
on my own or using natural remedies to help me cope.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
brought up Christian, but dad was Jewish and that has always been
prevalent in my life.
--Regarding MONEY:
nothing changed.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the speech my grandad gave which always makes me cry because he
captures my dad's presonality and brings him back to life. That was
the only time I cried at the funeral, but not for long - I still
wasn't over the denial/shock.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how life went on as normal
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there were no signs - it was a shock.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I handled it my way; others should do it their way. We're all
different.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
nothing out of the ordinary has happened.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
It is unfortunate that I never had the chance to say good bye, but I
believe that either things have been sorted out now or they will be.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him that I love him very much and miss him, then I'd
fill him in on my life and ask him some questions about his new
(lack of) life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have seen dad in my dreams about 5 times. It is never nice but
dreams do not worry me very much.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Money should be taken of before because there are more important
things than money to worry about when it happens. Infact, at a
certain age, everyone should make their wishes known about their
funeral in consideration for friends and relatives.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die yet and it would scare me. Right now, I don't
consider death for me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have a black candle that I burn when I get very very upset,
but it is not even a quarter burnt yet and I hope it never burns
out entirely.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I surround myself with dad's art and photos of him (only 4/5
photos). That sounds obsessive. I'm not obsessive, I just like
his work and since he's not around, that's my way of making him
around still.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
I had to take control and be the strong one which made it harder
for me in the long-term
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think I could have done with a good friend but maybe if I had
had one, I still wouldn't have talked. Coping with it on my own
(even though that was partly out of choice) has helped me become
more independent.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have gone over most of the things in my head already but this
helkped me put it in perspective more.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Some of the questions are too long-winded and difficult to follow.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Oct 5 19:12:21 1998
M24 in Windsor Jct., Nova Scotia =Canada=
Name: Jeff Spurrell
Email: <caffeine-at-sprint.ca>
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Prof/Studies: Writer/Television Show Entrepreneur
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our life cycle. Sometimes tragic, sometimes an end
to suffering.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went to Hell and back.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my ex-girlfriend died as a result of injuries
sustained in a car accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the disbelief, and finally the rage.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
why it happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it re-united me with one of my best friends.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
music. I would go through periods of mourning with music. Nine
Inch Nails for the rage, and U2's "One", "With Or Without You"
and Blue Rodeo's "Dark Angel" for the crying.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no one to really talk to about it. And the complete lack of
closure. I couldn't say goodbye to her. I didn't see her before
she died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her once more. At least to say my goodbye's even though she
might not have heard them.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
driving back from the funeral, I had a vision of her flying. It
may sound strange, but it brought me a sense of comfort.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that she is with god. Note the lack of capitalization. This alleged
being went against everything I"d ever been taught, and it it made
no sense, and was of no comfort to me whatsoever.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a piece of music that I associate with her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't know. All I know is that I would be feeling a hell of a lot
better. Even though we weren't together at the time of her death,
I think we would have returned to being good friends.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone should die so young, and so tragically.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
end it all, and see her again.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NOTHING.
--Religious Affiliation:
None. Atheist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
she's out there somewhere, but in no god's hands. She would be a
free spirit.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
just how awful it was. The was no "body" (cremated) and that made
it particularly difficult to accept.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She wrote poetry. Her roomate found a poem that she had written,
essentially predicting her own death. Something about "one day
we shall all become divine." She had never written anything like
that before.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I will always have a special place in my heart for her.Maybe I"ll
see her again.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell her that, even though things didn't work out with us,
I loved her with all of my heart. I wouldn't expect her to say it
back, but the fact that I told her, and was able to say my goodbyes,
would make a lot of difference.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Horrible. She came back to tell me that she faked her death to get
me out of her life. Believe it or not, she hjas since apologized
for that.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Knowing me, I'll probably go out in a car accident too. I just hope
that my death doesn't have the same horrible effect on people that
her's had on me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Coping... Songs 6, 7 & 8 on Nine Inch Nails "The Downward Spiral"
CD. Nasty, nasty, nasty. Drive the pain away.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Music
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Mon Oct 5 18:54:45 1998
M20 in Lawrence, Kansas =USA=
Email: <jrivers-at-ukans.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 88.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of consciousness. The end of an individuals existance.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...The first time I identified what death was
when the Challenger explosion occured. I just heard about it on
the knews, but when I relized what their death was, it terrified me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The disbelief that it had actually happened.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The proximity of friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The inability to ever communicate with her again. Excepting it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit her one last time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of old people.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't get to see her again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just stared at the ceiling.
--Religious Affiliation:
None
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She said that "Jack" visited her. This could have been my living
father, or my deceased grandfather.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
That I didn't visit her when given the opportunity, That hurts me
a lot. I don't know who can help with that one.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
To remember the dead. That is the most important thing to me.
To be remembered.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm extremely scared about my own death. Sometimes I lay awake
at night and get to thinking about it. I think "Someday, it will
be over. I will be nothing. I won't be able to think." I get
sick thinking these thoughts.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Going into the mountains. Everything seems clearer there.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prescription Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
Fear; Is their nOTHING after death?
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
It would have helped if my father had understood my need to be
present at the funeral.
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Sat Oct 3 20:22:40 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading--
Titles:
i can't stop crying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: a car wreck; Aged: 15.
--Details:
bad wreck...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the most painful thing known to man.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was ok.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my uncle died of brain cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how depressed i got.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its ok to hurt.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to talk to friends and family and get out my true
feelings easier.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my online friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no one helped me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them about it, even if it hurts.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
helped everyone and didnt concentrate on my hurt.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i found out he was gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never laughed, it wasnt funny.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
greive better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
seek god.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i felt his presence.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i dunno
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i breathe. i miss him constantly.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dunno
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was SO young and hes gone..
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went crazy. totally crazy.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the fact it took the ambulance so long to respond pisses me off
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
-not involved-
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i could go there and pray and stuff
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
weakened. i am out of faith
--Regarding MONEY:
it didnt.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was crowded as hell
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the night of the funeral, i felt kinda at peace.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 2 15:54:18 1998
M22 in Lindenwold, NJ =US=
Name: Jonathan Tabaco
Email: <jtabaco-at-erols.com>
Web: http://members.freehp.net/jtabaco
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo/socoal sciences/tests & experiements
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Prof/Studies: Manager, Erols' Internet Sales Kiosk
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 15 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
--Details:
The VA hospital said he was fine with the cancer and then it turned
out that he had cancer thoughout his entire body! The Odd thing for
me was when I saw him at the wake, I saw the sewed lips and felt
the cold flesh and smelled the preservatives and said to myself
that it wasn't him. It was just a body!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the termination of the life force in a human's body. This ceases
the interaction between others. Most people feal as if they have a
peice of them torn away when someone they know or identify with dies.
And many people don't like to see death because they fear immensly
their own mortality!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very hurt! It was the last person I felt personal loss to
the point of crying. Even when my uncle shot himself, I wasn't
personally upset untill I thought of how my cousins were feeling.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandfather lived with us for his last couple
years. He had worked in the asbestos barges and had develpoed
cancer, but we weren't aware that was the cause of his illness.
The VA hospitals aren't that good. Well, He seemed sick so I made
him a get well card, but couldn't give it to him before I went
to bed. He died that night.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The way people look at their life. At least a few days are spent in
extreme emotional ups and downs. It seems as people are undergoing
a severe attack of manic depression!
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
While it is import to respect death, it should not be as feared
as it is! It will happen no matter how hard you plan or try to
prevent it! So rather than concentrate on the dead, use your
energies for the living! Just think where all the money spent on
overblown burials could go to families and those left behind!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Sometimes people who die leave behind oppurtunities for the lviving.
This may me material or sometimes it just lets people grow up.
Although death may often leave a gap that makes it hard for people
to have closure with that person
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
While most people need to have others around them during the stress
of post-death, I can just step foward and keep going. I do feel
like it is my "duty" to "be there" for those who have lost someone
and need a "shoulder"
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The lack of really getting to show them who I was and who I was
going to become.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't just go and check on them. Or maybe just for a moment,
bring them back or switch places with them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Because I generally make light of any bad situation and try to
bring those who are upset (including me) out of the quagmire, I tend
to forget that some need to be in that black hole. I still think
that the "Irish Funeral" Seems to have the best kind of approach.
Celerbrate the person's life. Make any statements that will bring
closure to the relationship for you or others. Ect...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell them goodbye, or give them that "little something" they needed
to keep going!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
These thoughts often cross my mind. I mostl;y just come to a
realization of the emmenxe amount of factors that change the base
and direction of my life
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started to look at death as and ending that was going to come,
and there is no reason to do anything that may speed up the proccess
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I am disgusted at what the medical comminity as a whole does.
It is eniterly too impersonal and caters to those who have rather
than everyone. Some people constanly get the best treatments or
just tests and preventative cures while there are so many who can
only get help in a near death situation.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Most people tend to get very religious around death. I don't see
myself wondering anymore than usual. While I don't have a close
realtionship with God anymore, I basically say "even though this
is coming from me please watch over the dead person and even more
help their family and loved ones deal with the situation."
--Religious Affiliation:
I had a "Born Again (Charasmatic Christian)" up-brining including
the churches own small private school. At age 14 or so moved with
my Father's family and did the Catholic catechism! Now I retain
many of the basic philosophies, but don't follow the politics,
rules or dictates the Church preaches. The bible also never said
to create a "christain" church!
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I have a feeling that the afterlife will not have any of the
boundries that the lviing impose on eachother. We are all the same
in the spiritual sence.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money often adds greatly to the stress of the death. Not only is
the person gone, but they can leave debt from medical or burial
expenses that may make the living be in a worse situation emtional
and monetarily
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The mixed emotion. The Highs and Lows that constanly sweep throught
the crowd.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It is a procedure of acceptance. To let go of the person with out
letting them go from youir heart and memories. To not let what they
were in life to you and others become tainted by your pain of loss.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I really don't think that the dead have any direct feeling or
connections with the living world. But the things we do are more
of a representation of the person and thier ideals. So the acts
are more neccesary for the emotional and psycological states of
the close realtives and freinds.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I used to always think about what will become of me and in what
state should I prepare myself to be in. I know I that I don't
live a perfect life so I feel some aprehension if I shall be
judged, but I am mostly content in my awareness of my day to day
proceedings and ingnore all the religios retoric that may leave me
in a constant state of turmoil and paranoia. I don't fear death,
in fact I'm more afraid of what I have to do to keep on living.
But one of my traits have been to face whatever I fear by jumping
into the proverbial frying pan. I used to be suicidal and wished
to have all the misery adn pain stop by the "great escape".
But now I, with some relapses, am able to have enough curiosity
and perserverance to continue to fight the everyday struggle of life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I have a mix of "hard" reality and mystical philosphies. "Every Body
has to die sometime, and you never know what is on the ""other side""
it can't be much worse than this reality!"
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
I am really empathtic and people's stories and feelings are majorly
the only problems I have when people die
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I usually offer myself to the grieving as a constant support and
shoulder/ear. I will be in almost direct attendance untill the
personal signals their ability or feeling otherwise.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought a lot of memories of the death that I, my friends and
family have went through. And like I said before I only feel strongly
about the damages that others left behind have to contend with.
As per the dead I wish them well!
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Thu Oct 1 18:38:35 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driver on cocaine; Aged: 15.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my brother was killed by a drunk driver who
was on cocaine.
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Thu Oct 1 11:31:47 1998
M35 in Easton, PA =USA=
Name: Rich
Email: <sunnyday-at- fast.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Research Engineer
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More personal info:
I'd like to a response from your readership as indicated above
[ Ed Note: Email address is crippled for anti-auto-spammers' use
so if you'd like to respond, remember to remove the SPACE in
the middle of the Email Address. -js 10.1.1998 ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Dhammapada and Other Scriptures
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Buddha
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness, old age; Aged: 70+.
--Details:
I went to see my grandfather when he was sick. He told me he was
ready and wanted to die. He said there is no point in living when
it hurts to breathe (he had pneumonia). I told him not to talk like
that, that he was going to get better. He told me not to be upset,
he had lived a full and happy life and he was ready to die. He died
the next day.
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--Death Is:
The end of the physical life recognizable to other humans
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Really didn't know what to feel. I knew I was supposed to be upset
but I really didn't feel much of anything.
--That first time, how it happened was
My uncle died when I was 12 or 13. I got along with ok. Not my
favorite uncle, not the one I liked least. It was a "natural"
death, health problems, he was probably in his sixties. I didn't
cry when I was told he had died (i felt i was supposed to, but
you can't force tears) but I did a little at the viewing. My older
brother was real upset and crying at the funeral so I had to take
his place as pallbearer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The hypocrisy of alot people at funerals. They say how much they
loved the deceased and so on, yet alot of them hadn't even seen
the person in years or outside of some situational obligation
(work). Some people seem to care a whole a lot more about a person
once their dead. These people will then vow to spend more time with
friends, family, living there dreams and so on but it's generally
bullshit, they go back to their same routine in about a week.
The last funeral I went to was for my uncle. I hadn't seen the
guy in 15 years. I went mainly for my Dad. When I went up to the
coffin, my aunt was there, she didn't even know who I was. My dead
uncle wouldn't have recognized my either (ironically he was even
my godfather). It made me feel a bit phony, but better that than
upsetting my Dad.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The fear of death and obsession with figuring out what happens after
you die. I think a significant portion of peolple's greiving and
emotional distress during a death is that it causes them to deal with
their own mortality and their fear of death. This particularly true
when a young person's dies, especially if it is an accidental death.
I also think many people use the apprehension of the "afterlife"
to control people. Religion focuses strongly on what happens to you
after you die. Do what we tell you to do in life or there will be
hell to pay when you die. People fear the unknown, religions use
to play on people's fear of weather, disease and other natural
phenomena. Once science revealed the truth of these matters and
people understood them, these religious peole (and the proponents)
lost their power to control people. When the mystery of the afterlife
is solved, at most, only one religion or philosophy will remain.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my grandfather told me he was ready to die. He showed me if you
live your life and pursue what you want to be happy, you want fear
death. I learned it was better to try things and think to myself,
"that really wasn't as good as I expected" rather than go through
life saying "I wish I had......."
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Seeing that the person dieing accepting their death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Feeling I was being judged as uncaring by people because I didn't
cry or get upset enough when someone died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Attempt to put them at ease. Don't argue with them "You are not
going to die!" type stuff. Reminise about good times together and
let them know how much they meant to you.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Accept I will someday die and that I hope people will not mourn my
death but celebrate what I did when I was alive, have a party after
my funeral and have fun together because someday every one of them
will die, so spend your days seeking joy, not wallowing in sorrow
or regret.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When nice people die young and bitter, spiteful assholes seem to
live forever.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
That never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Learn what I learned from Grandfather earlier in life and teach it
to as many people as possible.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See my grandfather the night before he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Realizing the contradiction of seeing people at funeral who wouldn't
have gotten together with the deceased on Saturday afternoon because
of some trivial task or obligation but then making this big gesture
to be at the funeral. In other words, some peole who wouldn't cross
the street to see someone when they were alive then cross and ocean
when that person is dead. It just seems goofy to me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Getting dressed up, being somber or even attending the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Can't relate
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
People are honest and to try to advance themselves at the expense
of others, rather they try to advance themselves and help others
to do the same.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
When a good person dies due to a freak accident (lightening strikes)
or in a senseless manner (I remember reading about a family man
who was shot cross fire from two guys arguing over traffic squabble)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have more time to pursue things I really enjoy
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried a little. Seeing a body at viewing vs. just getting the news
really brought home the reality of death.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Good and bad. Sometimes they do a great job extending "quality"
living. Other times they extend agonizing or painful life.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
No experience
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My mother is fairly religious but I never liked church (Christian)
or a lot tof the people in the church. I found the majority of
them to be manipulative, controlling, close minded, judgemental,
intolerant and lacking in compassion.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was brought up to be a Christian but the teachings that more
closely match my beliefs are from Buddhist doctrine though I do
not belong to any organized religious entity
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
To be a unified conscience.
--Regarding MONEY:
I've seen people fight a little over possesions and money of the
deceased.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Not knowing who most of the people were
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How people focus on the fact the person is dead rather than his
life and what they are doing with their own life
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
A pattern of no longer being able to do the enjoyable things in
life due to the result of physical or mental infirmities.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
By accepting someone else's death with calm, compassion and love
you will release yourself from your own fear of death, thus allowing
yourself to live more freely.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
None
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Not Applicable
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Accept that not every "issue" in life or relationships sees a neat
and tidy closure. That's why the word unresolved exists.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd sure like to know what happens after you die.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Not Applicable
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Clearly express through a will what you want done with your estate
and why and what type of going away party (funeral) you want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I accept it's going to happen. If I knew it was imminent, I would
likely "get my affairs in order", say my goodbyes and hopefully
help people understand that I wasn't sad about and they shouldn't
be either.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
None
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Trust your instincts. Don't be afraid to try new things and don't
be overly concerned with what others think about you
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I accept that dying is inherent in living, although no one close
to me as died of anything but old age.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
Sometimes I feel guilty I am not as upset as others
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
About all I've done is remained stable while others around me are
unstable. So I've been able to do simple functions (driving to the
funeral, running errands and such) while others greive.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I hadn't thought abotu my grandfather's death in a while. It caused
me to reflect on the valuable lessons I learned at that time.
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See Current contributions.
See Aug 98 contributions.
See Sep 98 contributions.
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