^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Current contributions. See Apr 98 contributions. See Mar 98 contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun May 31 21:41:42 1998 F25 in Hibbing, MN =USA= Name: Jacquelyn - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Congressional Aide - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: ERIC Recommended Reading-- Writers: Doris Lund - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 21. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A person who passes into another place, that we do not understand. Becuase we don't know what exactly it is, we are scared of it. We feel angry that we had something that we loved taken away from us and that makes us feel even more guilty and a snowball effect occurs. Time does not make the feeling go away, but it does let you remember your loved one with a smile instead of a tear (most of the time). --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Didn't understand it, I was too young. I wanted to go to the funeral to see what was going on. I thought it was some sort of family gathering. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...grandparent died of heart attack, when I was 7 --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: ABSOLUTE TERROR! My best friend had just died. I have never felt fear, anger, dread, guilt (survivors guilt), like that before in my life. I didn't know how someone could go through such pain, but we all were. People do everyday. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: What to say to someone when a loved one passes on. Or rather, what NOT to say. Example: "It's alright." No, it's not alright, it will never be alright, again. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I teach children who have substance abuse problems that there is a better way. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: A friend came up to me who knew how much I was struggling and said words to me that made me realize I was not alone. His brother had died when he was my age, so he understood. He said two sentences to me and it changed my life. "It's not alright that she died. And you'll never forget this feeling as long as you live, but you'll be able to love her forever and smile when you think of her." --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Survivors guilt. I simply could not have a good time anymore. If I started to laugh, I would feel guilty that I was alive and start crying. This went on for over 6 months. I was so terribly depressed that I can't beleive I even made it through. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: na --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Can empathize with them. I know what to say and when to say it. I haven't been faced with this yet, and I don't know if I could do it, but I would try. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: After the funeral, when I was left alone. There was no one there. Everyone went home to their families, but I couldn't. I lived at my best friends house and I couldn't let myself go back there. I felt so alone. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: My carload of people made the comment in the funeral procession that it was so typical for it to rain for a funeral. We all laughed uncomfortably and said, "yes." --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Give her one last hug. I was lucky to have my moment, shortly before she died. She hugged me and told me she loved me (as a true friend). we had been in our only argument (ever) in 20 years and I thank God everyday that we were able to make up. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Shortly after my best friend died, another close friend died. I thought I would NEVER make it through the funeral. I sat with my best friends mom and we held hands through the whole thing. We both just turned off our emotions, or I think we would have collapsed. It was simply too much. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: When I was crying uncontrollably in the funeral when the director talked about the time my best friend and I went to a Bob Dylan concert, while one friend held me up another handed me the whole kleenex box. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: That everyone liked my best friend. But very few people really knew her, the inside her. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I beleive we would still be the same plutonic heart to heart soul mates that we once were on earth. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that God would take a good hearted person like her out of this world, who brought smiles to so many people. Yet, murderers, rapists, and child molesters wonder the streets still. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back time. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Basically lost my mind. I completely went crazy for about 3 days and then slipped into a deep depression that lasted over 6 months. It has taken me years to really get myself back to me. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: na --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: not a lot. I felt betrayed by God. --Religious Affiliation: Athiest. I want to believe in God, but I just can't bring myself to. I wish I could. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: A guardian angel. Sometimes I can feel that I get extra help from somewhere. --Regarding MONEY: na --Regarding the FUNERAL: How I completely broke down. I fainted at the wake and almost at the funeral. We were standing and two people were holding me up. I would have collapsed. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Appreciation of life. It took many years for that to happen. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : na --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': She visited me in a dream. I didn't necessarily feel good about this. Mostly shock. I was more upset by it than I was before it happened. --RE: Near Death Experiences: na --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: It's not as bad now as it was right when it happened, but I would like to know what EXACTLY happened the night she was killed. why was she walking in the road and why did the car end up in the other ditch? The only way to possibly get an answer to this (but I'll never REALLY know) is to talk with someone like Sylvia Brown or something. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I love you and this is going to happen for a reason. I don't know why, but don't be scared. We will all be with you soon. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am only 25, but I've had a living will and a will for several years now. I'm a touch paranoid about dying in a car, becuase of the 2 fatalities described above. I hope to live a long, happy life, and I take EXTRA precautions to try to make it happen. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I played the REM song, "Everybody Hurts" over and over about a thousand times. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? The flower child still comes out in me sometimes and people laugh and say, " I remember you two with the mood rings and flowers in your hair (before they were common). - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Music What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - yes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 29 12:26:11 1998 M47 in Los Angeles, Ca =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1 month ago. Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: 40. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: part of living. We, as human beings, must realize that everyone will die. The hard part is dealing with it. We first, must accept it. Doing that, it may just be a little better. Hopefully, the elder people are the ones that go first. It should be that way. One of the hardest things in life is for anyones child to go before and go before tragically before the parents. In the Chinese culture, if ones child dies, the parent(s) do not go to the funeral. That is a custom practiced, that if they do go, it will be too much for them to handle. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I did not know how to behave. I knew that people would die, but did not know how to handle it. I would refrain from talking to others about it, as well as the ones directly involved. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...a close friend was killed in a car accident. I was one of his pallbearer. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how such a pretty woman, young at 40, a mother of a boy age 6, that was always smiling, friendly, and considerate live this earth. I know it's part of life. But it makes you realize that life is so precious and short. Appreciate it every moment you have and show it to others, especially around you. During this last funeral I attended, I learned that in mourning the dead, that you must have loved in life. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: perhaps discussing it more with younger generations. Express to them that it is okay to cry, men or women, boys and girls. Also try and understand that we should appreciate all that the lost ones have done while they were alive. Enjoy that dying is not always sad but to understand the worthiness that that person had brought during his/her lifetime. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the fond memories that were brought forth when that person was still alive. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: watching a TV program when I was in my mid-20s. It was called Quincy, played by Jack Klugman. He helped a psychoanalyst, played by Mike Constantine. The psychoanalyst had asked Quincy to assist him with a terminally ill cancer patient family. The dying wife's husband could not accept the fact that his wife was dying and did not allow their little girl to go visit the mother in the hospital. With Quincy's help, the father finally recognized and accepted the fact that his wife would eventually die. Her only remaining joys was to just spend the little precious time with her husband and child, even though it was in the hospital. The mother did die and while at the funeral, Mike Constantine said to Quincy, "That reminds me of what the child asked her doctor." Quincy said, "What was that?" Mike Constantine said, "The girl asked the doctor, 'Doctor, doctor, will I die?' and the doctor said, 'Yes, my child, and so will I.' " --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: my father when I was 23. I did not know entirely how to handle it. It was such a burden to become withdrawn when he was terminally ill before his death. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to let them know that everything will be okay. That someday, perhaps we will meet again. That place may not be here but eventually somewhere we will be together in some different dimension where everyone will be appreciated. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 29 01:32:44 1998 F33 in Crawfordsville, indiana =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: writer - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 1.5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: gunshot; Aged: 21. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when someone you love goes away and your heart is left shattered , every breath you take in hurts, and and your mind wanders many different things, --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I the 1st death was when i was 13 it didn't bother me, the second was my grandfather and we were very close, i didn't cry cause i knew that he was old and very ill. the 3rd was my cousin who i grw up we were the best of friends, she was 26 when she died, i never cried for her passing. My father commited suicide when i was 23, and i never really cried for him either, i just always thaought it was god's will, but when my brother died, my life was destroyed, It's been 18 months and i cry everyday, I think of the strangest things, i picture him everyday, I do believe i have found the meaning of life and that it is death. No matter how much you think you love some one, you never what life or love is about until they are gone. It's a pain that i know I could never live through again. --That first time, how it happened was My Nieghbor wa 12 and he was killed by a serial killer in 77, but the death i have trouble dealing with is the death of my brother who was killed 18 months ago, Can not get passed it --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The few hours before, his smile as he walked out the door. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: there is nothing that you learn from death, except pain and that people need their own time to heal, and that it shouldn't be so passe. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Is that it forced my mother to leave an abusive 2nd marriage. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: nothing, i have found that nothing has helped me. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: was everything --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to never let anything go un said tell them what they me to you and your life. --[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: regret thinking that he would always be there for me. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: all of it and still to this day, it clouds every decision i make. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I never laughed --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to be there for him in his last moments to tell him that he was so very special and that i loved him more than i could ever show or tell him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: there is nothing that i am thankful for, except that i had 21 years of pure joy with him --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: nothing --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: everything mattered --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i have not dealt i cry 3 or 4 times a day if i see a car like his or some one his age smile i see him. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I have 2 brothers and i wished it had been the other instead of Brock. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back the hands of time --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I lost my world it was a slow bullet to my heart that stopped and exploded, and is still lodged in my heart --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: they could have saved him --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: It was harder to go to church because they would say he's home, and that's not true his home is here with me. --Religious Affiliation: Non-denomitiona/ pentecostal --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: i cannot answer --Regarding MONEY: money for his enteral resting had no limit --Regarding the FUNERAL: that it was beautiful, he was greatly loved and the funeral showed that, we let everyone send a gift in his coffin. letters jewelry, angels his favorite lighter and cigaretes and even his favorite cologne. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: it was all strange for me --RE: Near Death Experiences: no but i saw my brother in my house the day after he died. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: no one can help, i know he knew i loved him, but i would like to say the words to him myself. --If we were to visit one last conversation... i don't know that it would --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: i don't know there are too many things. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'm not scared to die, because i do have faith in the lord, but i do not want my family to go through the pain that i am going through. I would hope that all is said and resolved before my death. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i have not yet had closure. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I no longer put things off and i do live every min, i have put myself and family before anything. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It made me realize that i still have a long way to go, but that there must be others out there that feel the smae as i do. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 28 22:55:25 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] looked up pyschology - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3yrs ago. Cause of Death: heart attach; Aged: 57. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: not being able to see anyone else in the physical form again --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didnt understand it either, all I new is it was a sleep that everyone went through --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my great-grandfather died --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: My mother shaking, my father crying for the first time, lonelyness --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: perminit, there is too many suicides, no one seems to understand death is forever --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: you can only die once --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: being able to go into my own world and paint --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: having everyone try and help you feel better - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 26 20:04:34 1998 F24 in anderson, sc =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 yrs ago. Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: 20. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The end of life. To be no longer. Everything you love is gone because you no longer exist. You black out --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I felt depression, rage, betrayl, desperate, like dying myself, like giving up, hopeless, despair , out of control, like my heart would explode --That first time, how it happened was My grandfather died of a brain tumor --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: feeling desperate, out of control of my emotions and body --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: how natural and inevitable it is --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: how it made me feel more alive after I dealt with it. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: music and nature --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: was the rage --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to say what you need to say and help them be less afraid by letting them absorb your love --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: life is a precious gift, live it fully. be free --The most confusing point of death for me was when: right after they died --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I felt close to Life to nature to love to all people, and out of control of all of these emotions --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: held them when the accident happened, touched him more while he was in the hospital --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: write about it and talk with friends about him and go to the church temple alone, drive and listen to music he loved --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I spoke to his relatives at the funeral --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: being polite, quiet, sending flowers...saying its God's will --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: music comes on think of them instantly --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... why the bad people dont die --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt a deep deep sadness and despair --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: is that if we had had a medical technique offered only in new york he would have lived. Why cant all medical faci;lities be up to date with the latest technologies!!!!!!!!!! --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Another friend of mine died of AIDS and hospice was very helpful --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: very little. Though I was grateful to go to empty chapels to be by myself and talk aloud --Religious Affiliation: past protestant current none --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: more natural, more human, more real and gives me more hope --Any thoughts about your own death?: i wish i never had to die. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: music...dancing.....nature - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time music, to find meaning in it, to celebrate my own life and the life of other loved ones What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 26 10:25:04 1998 M16 in , Missouri =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Friend ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 10 yrs ago. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --That first time, how it happened was My real dad died when I was 6 from a drug overdose, and I was at my mom house at the time. And I didnt get to go to the funeral. Right after he died I was mad at my mom cause I thought she killed him or something like that. But after I got older and realized the nature of they're marige and divorce I was'nt mad at my mom and I slowly moreless forgot about my real dad, and accepted my step dad as my dad if that makes any sence. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness Well I wasnt there at the time, It was more like he just left to go somewhere else. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories I still rember how he treated my mom, but right before he died he was really begining to change the way he treated people, but I guess it was to late ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 23 16:21:33 1998 F14 in Monongahela, Pennsylvania =United States= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Recommended Reading-- Writers: Lurlene McDaniel - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 43. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: going away to a place and never coming back and watching over friends and family until it is their turn to die and be with those who already passed away --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 10 and devestated...my father was my mentor and my idol...I looked up to him in very way...It was hard to accept living without him --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My father was disgnosed with lung and stomach cancer in Sept of 94...he passed away Jan 95...I was Ten --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the loneliness...the feeling of being betrayed....knowing the pain he went through --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My father was no longer in pain...His death taught me to expect the unexpected and to get out of my fantasy world where I was safe in a bubble. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Being alone and knowing that my close cousin still had her father. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say I loved him once more or spend more time with him....or even act like I wasn't afraid of him..which I was....but the thing I regret most about his death was not crying at the funeral... --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see someone else who has lost someone....or when I break up with a guy --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that I had to lose my father when I was ten....why did he leave me? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could end my suffering and be with him again --Religious Affiliation: Baptist - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? How well What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 23 14:40:39 1998 F59 in Lansdale, Pennsylvania =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Man's Search For Meaning Recommended Reading-- Writers: Victor Frankl - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 7 months ago. Cause of Death: Complications of Emphsema; Aged: 64 yrs.. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the ending and the beginning. The end of this physical life and the beginning of life in a form not understood by us. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was a child and saw sorrow and acceptance. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My Grandmother babysat for me during the day. If she went to a funeral...I went to a funeral. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The incredible pain I felt. As though my heart was being pulled out through the smallest opening in my body. A pain with no relief ...a longing with no end. When other people in my family died, it was necessary for me to be strong for someone else. This time I didn't to be strong for any one. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: The grief prcess is different for each person and different for each loss we experience. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Tough question. But having my siblings come to the funeral was a comfort. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My love who spoke to me as he left his body when he died. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Not being able to save him. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Love him/her and express it. Don't wait for tomorrow. There is no tomorrow. Ther is only today. --[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Each person has to have their own experience. My experience is too new to have learned all the lessons that will come from it. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: That it happened. They (doctors and nurses) kept telling me he was getting stronger and would be coming home in the next couple of days. They even wrote the prescriptions he would need....but there were the little things that gnawed at us both...and then he died. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I didn't laugh. Usually if one does laugh in this kind of situation it is a sign of nervousness not humor. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Have him come home and be here with me. He wanted to come home more than anything...I finally brought him home a week after he died...in an urn. But he is here with me, spiritually. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Have the 12 days he was in the hospital to talk of many things and we discussed the importance of the "journey" and how that was many times more important than the arrival because of the lessons learned along the way. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I sat with him in the hospital right after he died and talked to him and caressed him and cried with him. Then in the funeral home I sat with him and caressed him and cried with him and put a note I had written to him in his gown prior to his cremation. A note that told hime I would love him and miss him forever. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Frankly, for once, I didn't worry about what other people thought was important. I was so totally engulfed in my grief nothing else mattered. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I don't think I'm over it and I do cry all the time when I'm alone. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... There would still be problems because even though he was better his health would still be a concern but we would be together and I was planning to do much of my work on my home computer, so we would be together all the time. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... The "it's not fair" issue hit me on Christmas Eve when we had our usual Dysfunctional Family get together with my children and their father who had abused me for 22 years plus 7 years when I was a teenager, not only abused me but tried to kill me on several ocassions. He was sitting there and the person who had given me a feeling of safety and consideration, kindness and love was dead. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Wake up from this bad dream and he would be here to hold me and tell me it would be O.K. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried out, "please don't go....please don't leave me...and I'm still pleading today. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Not ever trusting that particular hospital again...especially after the care he received. He was having anxiety attacks and they couldn't give him medication for it because of his breathing. They knew and they left him alone... in a room alone....and he stopped breathing. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Even though We didnot attend church, we both had strong views about God and the Bible. I found a clergyman who didn't know either of us to speak at his funeral service--I visited with the pastor and we talked about him for a couple of hours and the pastor was perfect, he spoke to all of us ..the people who hadn't visited hime in years, the children who had cast him aside, and to me. The minister spoke of a man who was complicated and how everyone related to each other. A very complex message. --Religious Affiliation: Protestant. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Honest. No one church has the only path to heaven and eternal salvation. The route may be different but the destination we all want is the same. --Regarding MONEY: I am still dealing with that issue. --Regarding the FUNERAL: Even though people had abandoned him when he was alive, they didn't forget him and they came to honor him. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: The fact that I can't empty his closet yet because his scent is still there. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Having him talk of making ammends to the people in his life. It sounded final to me. But at the same time he refused to quit his struggle and wanted to come home with me. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': He didn't speak of this. On my side of it, however, the nurses took me to the waiting area when thry called the code "0". The clock was right in front of me. Suddenly I saw him whooshing across the room and he said"I ca't wait...I have to go"...I looked at the clock --it was 12:25pm. Then the nurse came in a few minutes later. I said,"He's gone, isn't he?" She said yes. I asked what time did it happen. 12:25pm. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: We were fortunate to have had 12 days in the hospital to talk about everything and to hold hands and to say "I love you." But there are still some discussions I would have liked to have had. But I guess we were fortunate. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I love you. (I would say it and most of all I would like to hear it) --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Burial or creation; organ donation or not; --Any thoughts about your own death?: It doesn't matter. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I sleep with the pajamas that he wore the last night he was at home before he went to the hospital. It isn't closure it is survival. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? My focus in my career is not as intense as it was. I don't feel as driven. He always made me better than I was and he always gave me courage and most important...he listened. Now all of that is gone. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System Religion and Reading What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Most of these things I've thought about. Now that I'm living alone for the first time in my life, there is alot of time to think. A few years ago I taught Death & Dying to teenagers and My Mother was quite ill (it seemed every time I taught it she ended up in intensive care) and I had an opportunity to think about the process the dying experience and the people left behind experience. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 22 18:31:28 1998 F21 in Syracuse, NY =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: College Student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: On Death & Dying Recommended Reading-- Writers: Kubler-Ross - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 months ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 34. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very young and spent a lot of time viewing the body and talking to this person as if he were just laying down. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... It was my great-granfather who I was extremely close to. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the way in which my friend's death occured, it was such a violent death. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: to be more accepting of the ones who lost someone to suicide. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My friend's death afforded me the opportunity to meet many people who I've since built wonderful relationships with. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: very close friends. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: accepting suicide as the cause of death. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see, hear, or smell something that reminds me of this person. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... That it's so hard to understand the reasons for some deaths, especially when they coould have been prevented. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just talk with the person who has died to know that they are okay. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt much more at ease with the reasons surrounding the death. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: a lack of assistance. --Religious Affiliation: Protestent - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Other: relationship with another family member What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: being so young, lack of understanding ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 22 12:20:42 1998 M40 in ny, ny =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: the nature of personal reality Recommended Reading-- Writers: jane roberts - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 years ago. Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 68. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the cessation of bodily activities --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was at first frightened,then curious.I wanted to become an embalmer. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...next door neighbor(child) was found suffocated in a refrigerator --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: saying goodbye to her prior to her finally dying.my father and sister were discussing impending funeral plans while she lied there listening(albeit unconscious)I was very upset about that. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is not hte end of existence. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: she seemed to be at peace,at rest. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my lover,also co-workers were very supportive --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the ridiculous spectacle of the open casket old fashioned Irish wake --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: dont discuss funeral plans in the room they can hear you,I firmly believe this to be true. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: insist on a closed casket wake. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: it happens occasionally(especially when I have had a few drinks round x-mas or her birthday. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... she would be very proud of her grandchildren. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... ronald and nancy reagan are still alive. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: concern,to an extent amongst the nurses.the doctors were distant and not to helpful. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: little or nothing. --Religious Affiliation: lapsed catholic. --Regarding MONEY: the coffin was way expensive. --Regarding the FUNERAL: it turned into a drunken haze. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: she waited until the whole family had come to the ICU. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : assuming the fetal position. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': she didnt say anything about it. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I have had several dreams with her in them,but not until waking did I realize anything out of the ordinary. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: no extereme measures should be taken to prolong my life. --Any thoughts about your own death?: a few months ago,I was poisoned.I felt for sure I was dying it was not a pleasant experience at all.it was quite frankly terrifying. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - not bad ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 22 09:40:42 1998 F22 in Gatineau, Quebec =Canada= Name: Catherine Email: <henri2-at-videotron.ca> Web: http://members.tripod.com/~catouche - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] looking for surveys to fill out (home sick for the day) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Business Administration - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: Please do not post. Thank you. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: in 50s. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: considered a bad thing because it deprives us of life and future experiences. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was young, but old enough to understand that she wasn't coming back. --That first time, how it happened was My grandmother passed away when i was about 8 or 9. I didn't know her very well so I guess it was easier to deal with. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: my mother-in-law. It was here sister who passed away. The family took it very hard. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it is inevitable and unpredictable. Enjoy what you've got NOW and stop worrying about what you'll get later, because yo may not even be here. Accumulate things that you can "take with you"...love and friendship. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that for the people who die of cancer and other diseases, the suffering is over...for them and eventually for their families. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: (actually, I was the "support". No one especially close to me has passed away.) --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: know them better. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: someone else gets teary-eyed about it. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Her children and family would be happier. Life at the cottage would be different (too long to explain), for the better. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... her husband should have been the one to go. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I tried to keep it in so I could be strong for the others who had been closer to that person than I had been. --Religious Affiliation: christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like a cop out. I WANT to believe it and I do, but sometimes, in the dark corners of my mind, doubts arise and cast shadows over my beliefs. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the feelings of animosity toward her husband. Everyone was wondering "Why her and not him?". --The weirdest part of it all to me was: that the family is so big, we usually have to wait for someone to die to see everyone. --Any thoughts about your own death?: Like many people, I don't like talking about it. That doesn't mean I don't think about it. I just hope it's peaceful. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 22 07:10:51 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 9 yrs ago. Cause of Death: dbl.pneumonia secondary to complications following 3 major surguriesw/in 1 wk.; Aged: 48. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: (If this creature was completely cluless to the concept of death,then chaces are you wouldnt be able to even comunicate with it.) "going back to where you came from in the beginning" --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I watched them fly through the windshield of the car they were driving(-at-50+)in a residential zone,slaming into some elderly woman,drvng spd. lmt.,minding her own.miraculously,she lived,unscathed,he died upon inflight impact headfirst into a telephone pole.apparently drunk.go figure,....I was 4(1969)one less drunk driver on the road was what my dad was quoted as saying. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I witnessed a t-bone collision -at- a blind intersection right by our house --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: being woke up -at- 7am in the morning to be informed that one of my oldest\closest friends was dead[car accident] --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: a part of life,so if you start taking life for granted,then death may become a suprise to you and everyone involved within your life.death can be somewhat preventable if you pay attention to the realities of living.praying to god will not prevent you from death,you will[think before you do.] --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: made me grow up,get my shit together and go forward in life,dwelling or looking back at tyhe bad things just slows you down. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: time --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: why --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: let them know that this will not stop you from being the best that you can be in whatever it might be,...parent,kid,work person...be strong,carry on --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: despise others that let thier "friends"drive after they have had a drink,or 2 or3 or 4 ..... --The most confusing point of death for me was when: those jackass didnt give a shit before are now so devistated --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: oh well,it has nothing to with being insensitive because laughter is the best medicine for any illness or down point in ones life --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: show my dad how much I really did learn rom him --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be his kid --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: acknowledgement --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: saying "are you ok?" --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I dealt with it and accepted it - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Other: it didn't bother me.didnt then,doesnt now What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- without death,we could not have life.Was the death avoidable,or did the aging process finally wear out the machine. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 22 06:52:05 1998 F23 in Wageningen, =The netherlands= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] interest in psychological tests - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: student on Forestry - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Hersenschimmen (images of the mind) Recommended Reading-- Writers: Bernlef - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of ( physical) life, the end of the functioning of body and mind --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very young and I can't remember anything but the dead body in a coffin. This is my first conscious remembrance in my life --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was a natural course of death. A problem with the heart. It was my father, when I was just 4 years old --What I think my (The netherlands) culture needs to better learn about death is: It is inevitable and not necessarably bad. We must not try to hinder dead at any costs and more accept it. Nobody wants to life forever, so they must not be so afraid of dying. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: death can be the end of pain - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 21 20:55:10 1998 F16 in Pilot Mound, Iowa =United States= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] just surfing the web - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1yr 5months ago. Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 76. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a shadow casting over everything in sight --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I just thought that they were sleeping and that they would wake up shortly. --That first time, how it happened was my great grandma died in her sleep --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: they way he always acceppted everybody --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my friends and stuffed animals they comforted me when I needed it the most. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: realizing that I would never get to spend time with them or hear their voice ever again. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I found out that they had died and why they should have been the one to go. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: spend more time with the people who have died and with some of them let them know exactly how I felt about them --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be a part of their lives --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: someone gets to talking about the memories we all had with the person --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could die --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I chose not to fear it because I feel that if you fear death that it will only take you sooner - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities talking about it with someone I could really trust What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 21 15:56:59 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Chicken Soup For The Soul - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, this year ago. Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 74. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of our time on earth in a body --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very upset --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...It was my great grandmother who died form old age --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: all of the crying --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: it's a part of life and will happen no matter what --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: knowing that they are not in pain anymore --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: friends and family --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the sadness and lonleyness --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: tell them you'll always love them and will be together with them agian some day --[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: realize now that death must occur to everyone --The most confusing point of death for me was when: the funeral was over and I was all alone --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it helps --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell them how much I cared about them --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be strong through it all --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: everything is over and you have to go home to an empty house --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I find reminders of them --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... a lot of things arn't fair --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see them one more time --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: they did the best they could --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a great deal of support --Religious Affiliation: Catholic - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 19 04:12:34 1998 F18 in Tacoma, WA =USA= Name: Victoria Email: <victorianwarren-at-msn.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: College Student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 months ago. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Death is when a person stops existing in their physical self, but continues to go on in spirit and in our hearts --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was in the 4th grade and it took a long time for it to set in that it had really happened --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my great grandfather had a stroke unexpectedly --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: thinking that i had just seen my grandfather like 2 days ago and he seemed fine --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: not worth fearing because it is inevitable --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I learned from each death i have seen --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: time spent alone dealing with the fact that the things that I had wanted to do with that person can never be done and i need to learn from that --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: that when my grandfather had tried in his own way to appologize for the way he treated me as a child, I in a way dismissed him without knowing he was trying to appologise --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: forgive him --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: keep my cool at the funeral --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that god takes away loved ones when there are people that are homeless and have no loved ones and they are still alive - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 19 01:57:57 1998 Anonymous Guest in San Antonio, TX =US= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2yrs ago. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: movement to another existence. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I took control and helped organize the wake, the food, the coffee --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... both my grandads died when i was very small, a toddler, and i don't remember the actual funerals or anything, but i do remember being told about the whole thing once i got older. i lost my father a few years ago, and that was devastating, but I figured out how to live through it and learn from it, perhaps because i didn't have a terrible or terrifying introduction to the subject --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I was in a foreign country, only a week away from coming home for the "final visit" and felt horribly cheated and guilty for not being nearer (physically) at the time, both to my dad who died and my mom. I also felt intense anger toward a brother who was living nearby to my parents and held his grudge, not visiting my dad. He not only treated my dad badly, he had an opportunity (to visit at the deathbed) that I so desperately would like to have had. --What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: Wow, there's so much... I think we are understanding better that grieving is a process that varies from person to person.... but I think we need to move away from pop-psych "dealing with grief" ideas, that almost treat death like any other life-changing event - ie divorce, job loss. The truth of grieving is the moment when you know your loved one will never again be physically present - and how you can come to terms with it, learn and grow from the experience. For me, I feel my dad's presence spiritually and in memory - and this is rooted in faith. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: When my dad's mother died, I felt strongly that I helped him through it and that she would always be a continual spiritual guide in my own life. When my grief for my father approached the overwhelming point, I remembered my grandmother and what I learned from her life and death and knew that I could get through, and even that I owed it to my dad and my grandmother to get through it and contribute whatever it is I have to give. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my really-super, best of the best friends, above all, and my own creative projects as an artist - especially the ones that deal with the death. My mom and I helped each other a lot, but i'm not sure we supported each other - we just shared. I never felt much support from acquaintance-type friends. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: And it still is, the whole idea that you have to bend your mind around, that the person is never going to talk to you again, never another hug, no more arguments or apologies on either side. On a lesser level, I found it difficult to accept the way that people view death and fatherhood here in the US - ie,from relatives and a few good friends - He's in a better place - or the attitude of many acquantances that dads are not so emotionally important, that a father's death should not be so emotionally devastating --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I would give anything in the world to have been there. Give thanks for the opportunity and just do what comes naturally - pressing yourself to figure out what to do wouldn't be good at all - my fantasy of getting back in time to see my daddy before he died is this - we would have argued politics just a little bit, then watched Green Acres or Beverly hillbillies, talked about my grandmother, etc. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: made it through.... gave up feeling guilty whether in regards to not being there for his illness and death, or in regards to all the people in my life who somehow made me feel uncomfortable about my grief. I realized that grieving deeply is also a way of celebrating the life and the love shared, and the blessing there is in being able to recapture memories and smile, even if you cry first --The most confusing point of death for me was when: honestly, when other people tried to help and screwed up big-time.... things were said to me that simply pissed me off, people trying to help me get through it, often at a point when i just needed to wallow in the depression and sadness and wait for the eventual sunrise. Comments came even from supposedly close friends - I guess I would say, if you feel you have something to offer a grieving friend, listen carefully, think before you speak. The easiest thing in the world to say to a grieving friend is to something like, "I have no idea what it must be like, but i'm your friend and I'm here for whatever you need to talk about," but not many people seem to know that. I really hated it that so many friends acted like I had caught the plague, needed kid-glove treatment, or worse, treated the death and my grief as just another bad life experience - like a break-up or job firing. --Religious Affiliation: Raised So Baptist/ now Catholic --Regarding the FUNERAL: my father's funeral was uncomfortable, because his students were all there (he was Dean at a small liberal arts college) and they were almost getting the same attention as me and my brother. His funeral was so big it had to moved from the church we attended to the bigger one. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System It was easier when I recalled the love that was shared and experiences. It w harder when I had to deal with outsiders, non-family members, acquaintances vs friends and was in a position to have to explain how hard it is to deal with the death of your own I think the US is pretty callous ( big generality admitted) but as a culture we don't deal well with it. Other cultures spend time with the dead, devoting particular occasions to remembrance, etc..... for me, I celebrate Day of the Dead ( Mexican holiday) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon May 18 19:42:04 1998 F18 in waterville, maine =us= Name: allison Email: <allison_bowler-at-umit.maine.edu> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 yrs ago. --Death Is: a passage from life --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too young to know how to deal with it. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my father and i were on a seventh grade campout when he collapsed and died from a heart attack. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my mother and i got extremely close because of it --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: family and friends --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: losing the man i looked up to so much....he was my father, not an easy thing to lose especially at such a young age. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: show them that you love them because once they are gone, they're gone. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i finally realized that he was never coming back. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: do a lot of things with my father that we both enjoyed during his life. i knew that he loved me and i know that he knew that i loved him. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: someone told me that he was alright and that he was sitting up and that everything was going to be okay....when really he was already dead. i was so angry at her for the longest time. also...my father had gone to the doctors the day before and got a good bill of health. if the doctor was more careful...maybe he could have caught something. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i see a lot of father daughter things....like a woman being given away at her wedding. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... maybe my life would be a lot better...maybe his death was for the best. i guess i'll never really know. i do know that it seems that life with my daddy would have been a lot less full of pain. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... he's supposed to be around to help me grow up. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back time and do something. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I became depressed and unmotivated to do anything....especially school work. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: anger. if the doctor had only realized that his heart wasn't healthy maybe it could have been prevented. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: comfort. --Religious Affiliation: catholic. --Regarding MONEY: money was a lot tighter than it ever was before. i wasn't able to go the college that i wanted to because we couldn't afford it. --Regarding the FUNERAL: there were so many people there. it was great to see how respected my father was and how many people cared. --RE: Near Death Experiences: my father's cousin, who was his best friend when they were children, was dying of cancer and he told us that he saw my father twice in dreams. the first time my father told him that it was safe for him to com eto the other side and for him not to be afraid. but then the cancer went into remission and he had another dream where my father came to tell him that he was wrong and that it wasn't his time yet. --If we were to visit one last conversation... i want to know that he missed me and that i will be able to see him again at some point. --Any thoughts about your own death?: i used to be very afraid but now i find it semi-comforting that someone is waiting on the other side for me. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon May 18 18:30:21 1998 M19 in Locust Valley, NY =U.S.A.= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago. --Death Is: an inevitable fact of our life. Humans try to prolong and delay Death but in the end it is the one great equalizer for us all. We all die and at that point we cease to function as we know it now. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was in high school and my great gradmother died of a stroke. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: visiting her after her first stoke and talking to her. she was almost comatose (spel) but she did recognize and speak to me which my grandmother says i was the one and only person she did that for. i didnt know how to deal with it but since it wasnt really a shock i accepted it and tried to move on. --What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is: how to accept it. people are to afraid of death as far as doing plastic surgery in order to look young and keep there youth. old age and death are inevitable and it happens to us all...there is no need or reason to ignore or deny it. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: when my other Great Grandmother died...my uncle imitated my Grand Uncle and it made the whole family laugh. Everybody laughed and stopped crying for a litte while. That was really nice to see the family come together like that. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: knowing that i will never be able to talk to them again. I knew they would have to leave eventually...but the silence that was left in there dying is very profound --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was very theraputic. If i didnt laugh then i would have gone nuts. Everybody needs to laugh...especially me, its what i do best. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: just have one last goodbye. Before she had her stoke she was getting old and forgetting names...but to say good bye one more tiem would have been nice. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: not to much. My family is religious but i have never been. Even though the death occured when i was young never did i turn to "God" or whomever. I looked more to myself and my family for support. --Religious Affiliation: Current: Atheist. Past: Baptist till 8, then Roman Catholic till 17 --The weirdest part of it all to me was: seeing the body. i had never seen one before and i had to touch her hand so i did. i was still relatively young but old enough to know i should not do such a thing...especially not at a Roman Catholic wake...but i had to ..to see that she was still there nad still real even though she wasnt alive. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 16 10:34:02 1998 F18 in Adelaide, South Australia =Australia= Name: Katie Email: <khadges-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Year 13 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: April Fools day Recommended Reading-- Writers: Bryce Courtneay - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: alcohol and hospital slackness; Aged: 56. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when people pass over to another life whether that be Heaven or hell or reicarnation. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I when I was in year 2 and my grandpa died --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... it was my grandpa he died of cancer due to smoking I was only in year 2 at the time --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The way our family came together and how much more I appreciated my family --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the way I became closer to my cousin and auntie --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the knowing fact that I will never see that person again --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: is that sooner or later everyone dies and we will be with you soon --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell my friend who commited sucide was that I loved him maybe that might have changed things --Regarding the FUNERAL: the fact that all the immediate family stuck together and the other family stayed on the other side, and I liked how the funeral directers were soo friendly and proffesional at the same time --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I think that the only way to do that is to do things that I think he will be proud of. Work hard to achieve my dreams and treat people with the same respect he showed people --Any thoughts about your own death?: I feel that it isn't my time yet and when I do die I hope that I experiece the things that I want to in this life. Like love, happiness, success - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy passage of time - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I didn't really understand some of the questions but it helped me to confront the way I was really feeling about death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 16 08:35:36 1998 F21 in Santo Domingo, =Dominican Republic= Name: Yamaya Sosa - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: psychology student. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 67 ?. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A complete disconnection to world itself. It`s when the body leaves it`s state and changes to another one. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I was old enough to understand it. I got sad but not so bad, maybe because the dead wasn`t very close to me. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... My uncle died by an accident, and I was told, but nobody let me attend the funerary services. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How I thought at time time how surprising life can be. How I can be with someone today, and tomorrow is dead. How dead doesn`t have anything to do with age, religion, ethnic group... --What I think my (Dominican Republic) culture needs to better learn about death is: That dead is a normal phase of life. That even if it sounds ironic, it`s a part of the normal cycle of life. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System Family explanations, etc. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 15 21:29:08 1998 F33 in St. Joseph, MO =USA= Name: Bobette Bryan Email: <novelist-at-ponyexpress.net> Web: http://WWW.geocities.com/paris/rue/Novelist99 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: novelist - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I don't think people deal with death very well in the U.S. It is a taboo subject that is not often talked about, and people seem uncomfortable with the subject. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my best friend died in a house fire when I was in third grade. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 15 04:30:42 1998 M60 in zionsville, in == Email: <blue-at-quiknet.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - browsing links - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: 89. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a transition of the spirit,mind,or whaterver you choose to call it...to a place where you and you alone decide if and when you want to take on a form(body) or not. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I childhood friends....i was 9 when a friend shot himself by accident with his dead fathers handgun....then about 6 months later a friend go hit by a car --That first time, how it happened was death of brother when i was 19.....he was 21. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how sad i would be in his passing as he was never the father he should have been --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: that god is viewed by some as a cruel god for "taking a young child and needing a angle" . I was traumatized and still am when i hear this claptrap diatribe. I am a human and iI would not hurt some one so badly....people need to be taught the only constant in the universe is change...life can not be created of destroyed..like matter, it can only change form!!!! --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my great aunt who at 89 was passing, after outliving all of her cronies. she said to me, don't hold on to me, let me go....i am ready. she just laid down and died! then i realized the living is hard.....and that dieing is easy! --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the feelings of abandenment......that I was being passed the banner of elder in the extended family, and I did not want it... --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to ease the transition from the body to the "spirit" realm --[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: how he was linked by karma to two other individuals who i n two years would also be dead. his long lost lover phylis, in a car wreck, and his best buddy who died in prison from a knife fight. --Religious Affiliation: i am a member of the religous science church --RE: Near Death Experiences: my mom and i talked about this before she died....at her death bed, I whispered in her ear, to the lite, mom. if you go....but come back if you want , the decision is yours.... --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I think that if and when I die, that if I could, I would like the option of going on the day I choose, and how I die should be my choice! also to deny the addictive drugs that would help dying people in passing should be allowed. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 15 00:43:20 1998 F21 in , WA =USA= Email: <scarekrow-at-mailexcite.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 7 years ago. Cause of Death: ???; Aged: around 39. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: an abstract notion that is rather unexplainable. it's the passing of one's body from the planet as we know it. At times, death can seem pleasant, and it also may seem terrible. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was so young that i hardly remember it. i only recall his nickname for me and a little figurine he gave me to represent that name. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...He was my father's good friend and, as a result, seemed to be a goodfriend of mine, though i was pretty young. i knew him as well as a young child realistically could know an adult. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: walking in on her being dead in her wheelchair. My boyfriend's mother was sitting there, very noticeably dead, and i had no idea what to do- it was just him, her, and i in a dark, cold house...scary. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that people have every right to choose their own death. One's selfishness shouldn't interfere with another person's happiness- meaning that we need to recognize that sometimes it IS better for someone to die and we shouldn't let our own desires interfere with their dying. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that my grandmother went before her disease had destroyed her sense of self even more. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: writing --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: seeing my father soooooo depressed --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: support them, hold their hand, tell them you love and appreciate them --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i was supposed to be depressed and, yet, i was relieved because i knew their wishes. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: go on a long walk with my grandmother- hear about her life, tell her about my own...learn about myself through her --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there for my boyfriend when we saw his mother dead- if he had walked in on her alone, as would normally be the case, he probably would've killed himself. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: yet another person dies near me death seems to be such a regular part of some people's lives (namely, some of my friend's) that i seem to make up for their lack of feeling at least noticeable feeling --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that people won't just let people die when they're ready to die --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could take their place, but then again- that wouldn't be fair for them --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I wanted to die myself...it seemed peaceful and wonderful. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: an interference- religious people keep trying to have things their way, to get people on the verge of death to confess all their sins and/or "accept Christ." i just want/ed to help the person dying, not try to make them live for religious individuals. --Religious Affiliation: atheist --Regarding MONEY: my family disputed over my grandmother's finances too much. also, things were almost too organized at times- everything all planned out and strict with what of her belongings would go where...yuck! --The weirdest part of it all to me was: (in reference to non-mentioned deaths so far) acknowledging that many more of my friend's would soon die, many because of violence, and there was nothing i could ever realistically do about it (in reference to my grandmother) being in complete touch with her deterioration before she was ever diagnosed with cancer or had any symptoms, i had strong feelings somethinglike that was happening- it went on like that till death, even though i wasn't ever very close to her --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': according to my mom, my grandmother vividly recalled experiences like these... she evidently saw and communicated with her family that had long been dead --RE: Near Death Experiences: i have felt like i was near death, at which point i truly believe i saw spirits, but i never had any critical hospital visit or anything --If we were to visit one last conversation... what visions have you had recently? Do you believe, like my father says, that you are psychic? Do you think i am? --Any thoughts about your own death?: i am not at all afraid of dying, unless it is by means of drowning. i actually look forward to it for many reasons. If i knew i were going to die soon, i would live every moment so much more- feel everything so much more- and then take a deep breath so i could enjoy whatever would happen next. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? How well What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Do you think you handle death effectively? Have you had negative/positive experiences with death? Ever found someone dead? If so, how has this affected your dealing with death? Do you feel like you're going to die soon? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 14 16:14:36 1998 M32 in Tempe, Arizona =U.S.= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Just surfing - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, can't remember yrs ago. Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: can't remember. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Final. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didn't really understand what it was about. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My great Grandmother died of natural causes --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Turning down an invitation to his house. --What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is: It's inevitable, no matter how high you put someone on a pedastal it is still going to happen. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My brother coming to see me after he died and telling me he was alright and that everything was fine. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Trying to overcome the guilt. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: stop him, get him help. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Black out the entire year that it happened. I can't even remember what day, month or even what year it happened. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Went outside and just kept hitting the garbage can. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing --Religious Affiliation: none - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 14 15:18:11 1998 F21 in Bostic, NC =USA= Name: Susan Email: <nasus-at-blueridge.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: currently blue collar worker and student in computer information systems - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 ago. Cause of Death: cerebral paulsy related problems; Aged: 40+. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the cease of existence of someone we know or love. We can no longer communicate with them, therefore the only way we can feel close the the deceased is through memories. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was sad --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandmother died at the age of 91. She had always been healthy and self-sufficient until the last 6 months of her life when she suddenly became ill. She went back and forth from the hospital to a nursing home but never returned home. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the shock, not being able to say goodbye, and the dreams I had in which I communicated with the deceased in their 'afterlife'. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it's serious, and permanent. Take advantage of every moment you have with loved ones, especially the terminally ill and elderly. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: ?? --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: 'communicating' with my loved ones in dreams that made it seem as if they were talking to me in the afterlife. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Not being able to see them or talk to them again. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: My friend with cerebral paulsy wasn't sick or anything. I had no idea that he would die anytime soon. I just got a call one day and someone told me he was dead. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: remembering happy or funny times with a dead loved one is a good way to cope. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: taking a leaf from the floral arrangement on the coffin and saving it. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: praying. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think of the very last breath my loved ones took...even though I was not actually there, I sometimes imagine them drawing their last breath and knowing at that exact moment, it was all over. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing --Religious Affiliation: none --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I think my loved ones' spirits have contacted me in my dreams. --Regarding MONEY: none --Regarding the FUNERAL: When my cousin died of cystic fibrosis, his regular pastor was doing missionary work and was not able to attend. The attending pastor did not know my cousin personally..he called him by his first name 'Carl' instead of what everyone knew him by 'Ricky'. He also gave a general funeral sermon which did not really apply to my cousin. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': none that I know of. My grandmother however, in her last weeks, lost recognition of most family members. She did recognize me, but not as who I was...she recognized me as being me as a little kid. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't know if I would want to know. I had a dream that I knew I was going to die and I was just real casual about it. I had a hard time saying goodbye though. I made it real short. I just said, "Well, I'm going to bed now," knowing that I would not wake up. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 14 04:06:47 1998 F26 in Leicester, Leicestershire =England= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 months ago. Cause of Death: Old Age - Dementia worsened and old age shut everything down.; Aged: 83. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of life as we know it and hopefully the beginning of another life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too young to understand what was happening. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...Grandad died of heat attack when I was about 6 or 7. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: feeling relief for many of my relatives and myself up to a point as the demential had caused a lot of heartache and distress to everyone, including my grandad. I felt sorry that I had lost the fantastic person that my grandad once was but I realised that he was long gone and the person left was suffering. It was 'for the best' as they say. --What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is: That people deal with death in different ways. They should respect those who do not want to follow the traditional funeral path either. I also think it would be a good idea if the funeral business was regulated. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: The possibility that we may see each other again. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: When my cousins baby died of cot death and when my friends mum died of cancer aged 44. I could see no justice in these deaths. Only misery and pain to relatives. It just was 'not fair'. I kept thinking, it could be me. It could have been my baby, it could have been my mum. This really shocked me and made me realise that I could not take for granted that my mum would Be around forever. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Everyone was laughing and joking at the wakes at the earlier funerals I attended. I just could not understand how they could all behave so happily and ordinary. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: I always tell people how much they mean to me. I try to express this in actions as well as words. I never want to be left thinking 'I wish I'd done ....' --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: The above statement is very true. 'Lest we forget..' --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... See above reply re: untimely deaths. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Too many indians fighting among themselves. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Nothing to me except a way of saying goodbye and paying our respects. --Religious Affiliation: None (supposedly CofE) --Regarding the FUNERAL: The professionalism of the directors and the serenity of the crematorium setting. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': My grandad spoke to my grandma as though she was only 20 years old. He even asked her to marry him! These were all attributed to the dementia. Could dementia sometimes be confused with other 'visions' etc? --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: If I was ever in an accident and awoke in some sort of state where I was unable to communicate my feelings I would want to die. I do not want to be able to be alive but not have a life. I do not want to be a burden on others. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am not ready to die. I want to be able to do the things everybody takes for granted. I want to live with the man I love (It's taken me long enough to find him!). I want to be able to have children and grandchildren. If this were denied me I would feel very cheated. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - The only thing is - being at work limits my time to answer properly. !! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed May 13 09:51:55 1998 F29 in Herndon, VA == - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1.5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 55. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the total loss of security...the realization that the world is not fair and the fragility of life --What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: not talking about the dead does not diminish the pain --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my mother's death made me realize how much she was loved and how much she brought to others lives, it made me realize that family is everything thus strengthening my relationships with my father and sister. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: talks with my friend Denise...she let me talk about my mom and shared laughs as well as tears with me --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: that she is no longer physically in my life...to know I will experience marriage, child birth, etc. without her there. That my children will never know her. The absence of unconditional love in my life. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to let them know you will be o.k....that it is alright for them to go. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: you find the strength because you have to. I didn't know how I would survive one minute without my mother but a year and a half later I'm still here. And that there will be moments of happiness again. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: any chance to laugh is a blessing. I laughed at my mother's hallucinations when her liver was failing signaling the end...but I know if she had been there she would have laughed too. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: learn my mother's feelings about her impending death. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be with her when she died and over the course of her illness give back a little of what she gave my sister and I our entire lives. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that someone so kind is suffering so much. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: disillusionment --Regarding HOSPICE etc: they were saints...I'm so thankful for their involvement and guidance. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: support in the sense that people brought food, etc. --Regarding the FUNERAL: how much of it is the bereaved comforting the mourners --The weirdest part of it all to me was: having the funeral home come get my mom --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : shallow, sporadic breathing, liver failure, decreased urination, knowing most death (from disease) comes in the early morning hours --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: The night before my mother died when I left her house I consciously said to myself "have you said all you need to say?" and I felt I had so I didn't have any unresolved issues. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I have no thoughts on it. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 12 18:39:38 1998 F17 in Winnipeg, Manitoba =Canada= Name: Paula Alexander - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I was looking under Games and it had a listing for Questionaires and Contests. Under Questionaires it had a listing for this site. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Schooling - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 13 ago. Cause of Death: bone cancer; Aged: approx. 60. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A person(s) who for reasons which are too numerous to mention has ceased to live. They are here physically, in body but have left us spiritually, in soul. We will not talk with them, know their presence, or communicate directly to them. For many of us, we will not see them again. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was only 3. I knew what was happening but my brain couldn't process it. Looking back I feel I have missed my grieving period. I still cry now. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... The first death I had to deal with was my Grandmother's. I was 3 and 3/4. I understood that she was gone but it didn't really process in my brain. Later on in life it became harder to deal with. My mother and aunt used to talk about how she was such a nice lady. I have some very fond memories of her (even though I was only 3). I wish I could have known her better. I believe she could have influenced my life greatly. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that I didn't grieve as much as those around me. I did not know her, my aunt, as well as her sisters or children or friends or even other nieces and nephews. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: what happens to babies and children who don't know God because of their parents faults. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that death gives you the remembrance of the most warm and lovable memories of a person. You will always cherish these. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: God. He let me know by a feeling inside me that my Grandmother is safe up in heaven with Him. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: That I harldy knew her. I know by what people tell me and a few memories but I didn't get the chance to really know the kind of person she was or what her life was like. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: A dying person needs to be surrounded by the ones who love them. Even if it's hard for you to watch them die, I garauntee it's harder for them. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: drew on God's strength to help me know she is safe. I know she was a very loyal, humble person and that I will see her someday when the time is right. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I was not finished the grieving process. Things were all out of perspective. Now that I'm through all of the stages (even though I still cry) I understand a lot more. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: not relevant to my experience. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: get our family history. I know it wasn't important to me then and that I could get it from other family members. But I really think I would have valued it more had it come from her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: retain the memories that I have of her. My earliest memories are memories of her and that I am truly thankful for. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: when my family gathered on the night of her death. One by one we all met at my aunt's house. I remember watching the different emotions coming across each face. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: not relevant to my experience. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: my family gets to talking about her my regrets about not knowing her well come flooding back. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I know that I would be close to her. I imagine her my best friend. Someone I could really talk to. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I recall having had the thought "Why couldn't she have stayed with us just a little bit longer?" and "Why couldn't I have known her as well as other people?" --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could have the feeling that I know her personally so as to fill this void within me. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I had lots of regrets that I didn't know her better. Had I known and understood that she was dying, I could have spent more valuable time with her. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: total disgust and lack of respect or trust. The doctor who diagnosed her, missed the cancer because he couldn't tell what it was nor did he know what it looked like. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: not enough. I was never taken to see her in the hospital. She was in for a very short time before her death. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a great deal to me but not as much for other disbeleiving members of the family. --Religious Affiliation: My current religious affiliation is Baptist. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: that regardless of religion, language, etc. we all have a common fate. What it all boils down to is what God thinks of us and the goodness of our souls. --Regarding MONEY: it was not a matter of concern. The issue of money was kept on the backburner. It was never discussed because it was not a priority in our lives at the time. --Regarding the FUNERAL: (I did not attend the funeral.) --The weirdest part of it all to me was: not relevant to my experience. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I could enlist the help of people who knew my Grandmother to help me get to know the kind of person she was. But this will never give me the feeling that I had a personal relationship with her. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell her how much I love her. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I think the rights and wishes of the dying are very important. For example, when my aunt died, she asked that her husband take their daughter to Disneyland on her tenth birthday and even left money enough to do it. Of course, she's 13 now and still hasn;t gone. Why couldn't he have carried out her last dying wish? --Any thoughts about your own death?: I know I will someday die and I often think about it. Will I have accomplished and experienced the things I want to? Will I have unresolved issues? What will people think about me once I'm gone? Will they have fond memories of me? What will God think of the goodness of my soul? --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I know that when she died it was her time. God had his own reasons which I may never know of, to take her and that is reason enough for me. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System I always know she is up in heaven and that I will get to see her again someday. I believe she knows me well. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities My family doesn't talk about that fact that she died or where she is now. Nor did they when I was very little. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It gave me more perspective on the issue. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Another question might be: "How do you think the age you were when the friend/loved one died impacted your thoughts, feelings and overall perspective on the death?" ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 12 10:48:17 1998 M34 in lincoln, NE =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 22 yrs ago. Cause of Death: accident; Aged: ?. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Death is a time to move on to a better place. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I went to my grandmother's wake --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: a lot of sorrow and dissbelief that it happened so soon. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 12 03:57:28 1998 M27 in london, =england= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 22yrs ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of our existence, our consciesness. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...a neighbour's son died. His coffin was held open in their living room as people visited it. this was the first time i'd seen death and was about 5years old. most of it went over my head. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon May 11 19:59:35 1998 F31 in , OR =USA= Name: B.B. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: artist - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: the book of qualities. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 7 months ago. Cause of Death: bad heart/lifestyle; Aged: 60. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: like reading a epic novel, chapter by chapter, knowing that one day you will come to the end of the book but not knowing if the story will turn out how the writer wanted. Once you've finished the book it turns to dust and what you have left of the story is held in the memories of those lucky enough to read as many chapters as possible. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too young to really understand. But I remember when my grandmother was alive and I very vivid memories of being in her presence and I was only 2-3 yrs old. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...It was my grandmother. She died of cancer. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How heart broken I was. I was in utter disbeleif. I was disconnect from myself. I felt overwhelmed about everything. I had a hard time finding comfort. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Not to froce the surviviors to take action on matters which require a clear head. To give them space and time to heal and not to have people outside the family butt-in and try and take charge. To not listen to outsiders say adverse things about the decesedent. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My father told me the day he died "thank you for taking such good care of me" later I showed him a humorus ad and it made him laugh. It was a not in any pain and he had his wits about him. That is a gift. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Time. Dreams about the decedent. Getting out of bed. Waking up to a new day. looking in the mirror and "seeing" myself again. Finally feeling alive. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: missing seeing that person 24/7. Realizing that that person was such a huge part of your life and now they were gone for good. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: giving them whatever they want! In my case my dad wanted 6 chicken potpies and a jar of planters dry roasted peanuts. Being there for them. My dad found comfort in that I stayed there with him. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: I put all my energy into caring for him. Once I got mad because he wouldn't go to sleep (this is while he was sick and we were trying to get him better) and I yelled at him to go to bed because I was sleep deprived. He told me I had no compassion. After that I never got upset w/ him again and went w/very little sleep for 3 weeks. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I thought when you dial 911 that the paramedics get to you in three minutes. For some reason it took longer and they could not resucitate him. I did not want them to stop CPR. I really beleived I/or doctors, could save my dad. Just like you see on T.V. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: We made a toast w/ a bottle of 50 yr old bourbon and we poured dad a shot at the funeral. This he had said he wanted to drink before he departed. This made everyone laugh. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Find a better doctor. Have a nurse come to the house and give me relief. Get a power of attorney. A quit-claim deed on the house. Go over my fathers health insurance policies. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Make the extreme pain in his leg vanish and see him smile and know that I loved him with all my heart. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: the fact that you can still smell their scent once they have gone. To the point of being overwheled with it and airing out the room in which they died. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Posting an obit in the paper. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I dream about him and wake to find i've being crying in my sleep. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I know what are plans were but of course that has all changed. I am dealing w/ reality and my life as it is without my father. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... the doctor was a jerk because he would not tell me the truth and was too greedy/power trip to allow my dad to see another doctor in a lager city. His reply was "he was going to be alright". --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could run away and not deal with the estate b.s and act like everyone else in the family who says they are too busy w/ their own life to deal w/ the estate. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I got mad at everyone connected. I felt like no one really cared about our family. Felt very much alone and that no one cared about me. I had a hard time carrying on day to day. I couldn't eat. I was overwhelmed at everything I must do to handle the estate affairs. No one offered to help. When people came around they were just looking for a handout. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: substandard. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: The doctor never set this up. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: going to church. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: you are with them as they are with you in carried forever in the heart. --Regarding MONEY: It was a control issue. mismanaged in life. --Regarding the FUNERAL: my brother wasn't present. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: seeing my father slumped over on the floor by his bedside. with his eyes 3/4 open looking helplessly at me as if a response, yet looking at me and letting go. Not yet completely gone from me but I knew I was losing him and I wanted him to come back. I wanted him to respond. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : yes this is the most important answer. I'd like to have known this as well. Because my dad was really quite strong even at the end stronger than most. loss of interest in food. My father loved food but it all tasted bad to him. another thing would be pain seems to vanish and the person appears to heal with incredible speed which fools those close into beleiving that they are getting better. If they say they "feel funny". --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': It is TRUE. I was witness to this. I even had such a dream the night before my father died. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: That in many ways I put my life on hold. Before my father died he promised me that I would find someone who would love me very much and we would be married. If this happens and my hope is to have a child that I can tell her about her grandpa. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I have very lucid dreams so I see and speak w/ him there. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: what the dying person wants. My father wanted to see my brother but he would not come. It made me sad that I could not fufill this wish. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I want to get through probate so that I may indeed move forward. I really want to live life to the fullest. I want to move to a new place where there is great opportunity --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I hummed "EDELWEISS" every day for about three weeks. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People talking dreams with the dead person. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities Even a will & going through probate is the most exploiting - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I've thought about every question on your list. For me I will not forget the look in my fathers eyes when I found him. I dont think I will be able to let go of that memory. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Did well meaning family members/friends/acquaintances of the deceased bring up long forgotten family issues or say hurtful things regarding the deceased to make you feel worse about the deceased life? Did it make you defensive? Did anyone say that the deceased felt differntly about you than how you thought he felt about you? What did you do? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon May 11 16:28:51 1998 M35 in Los Angeles, CA =USA= Name: Christopher Johnson Email: <Johnson510-at-aol.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I just looked up Death and Dying through Alta Vista Seach Engine - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Casting Director - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Recommended Reading-- Writers: ?? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 7 yrs ago. Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 32. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The abscence of vitality, exuberence, joy. Death is a challenge to live a fuller and more complete life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I laughed. My sister told me that dying wasn't funny. My mother told us both to be quiet. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My father was killed before I was born. My brothers, sister and mother would never speak of it and I was given strange euphemism to tell school mates, such as telling people that my father worked picking grapes in the vineyard of the Lord. I carried the void with me through my life until I was an adult and could find my own way through my emotions. Subsequent deaths through out my life only exacerbated my feelings. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: People think death is worse when it is a family member. When friends have died people think it is sad but if it is family, they think it is tragic. I also remember that it is simply a matter of who has "been there". If you have not been initiated into the "club", you can't seem to understand. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: That we can talk about it. We can celebrate our grief. (I use celebrate not in the joyous sense, here.) --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: It opened me up raw and vulnerable to the world and allowed me to live in bright and vivid colors. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: A support group of other survivors of death. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Trying to leave nothing left unresolved. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Cry when you feel it. Laugh when you feel it. Don't talk if you don't want. Talk if you want. Touch. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Know that my friends words and thoughts live within me. I can tap into the part of me that remembers him and can hear his advice through me. My tapestry is richer with him coloring my life. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I discoverd that it was SO permanent. That I would not have access to the person again in any way at all. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I was struggling to not acknowledge the awesomeness of what lay in front of me. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: I am a lucky one. I had the time to say what I wanted to my brother and my friend. I feel complete in my coming to the point of their deaths. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Tell my feelings so fully without being embarrased. Understanding that my vulnerability mattered little to them in their short time left. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I would just sit in the room with my friend and brother. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Sending cards or flowers. Especially get well cards when the hope of getting well was clearly not going to happen. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: in my minds eye, I go the the well and dip in...Sometimes I want to feel sad to know that the void that was left is still available to me. I can remember the death and loss and feel the pain as familiar as ever. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I worry that our relationship would not have endured. The deaths indeed changed me so dramatically that I know the person I am now, is not the person they knew and loved. Would they have changed with me? I suspect, as well as I knew them, that they would not have changed with me. They would have thought me a bit kooky. Alas, I knew them when it mattered most and can still feel them in my bones. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... That they were so young....that it wasn't be because they were smarter or had more going for them then I. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could I could have taken a vacation from my grief. Just make it stop for a day.... --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Cried, rememberd and talked about him. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: The medical community does not know how to help the terminally ill. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Hospice workers have been there and can offer the right amount of assistance without being in the way. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Nothing. --Religious Affiliation: None --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Open and wide~it is the wings of a bird which carry us all. --Regarding MONEY: I am thankful to report that money was never an issue in any of the deaths around me. --Regarding the FUNERAL: there were people there who had little or no contact with my brother but felt obliged to be there. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Listening to mourners tell me stories about my brother. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : I don't know how to answer this questions. Each is so unique. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': We had visions of this sort and I had enough of an awareness of it to allow the visions to be real. --RE: Near Death Experiences: Nothing like this has happend to me. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I am blessed to have resolved my issues before the deaths. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would try to convince them to contact me from the other side. To stay in some more physical contact. I doubt this to happen as I would want but it would help me to not have the loss. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Always have a living will and a DNR order. Assisted Suicides are not a bad choice when your choices are death and death. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would retch. Then I might try to resolve whichever issues I have with my family and friends. Allow everything that needs to be said, said. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I spent a day as my friend and brother trying to walk in their shoes and live as they would have lived. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? None. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Support Group A therapist, a friend, books - especially, how to survive the loss of a love. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing My family just would not acknowledge any grief during funerals. We were forbidden to even shed tears. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I have thought these issues through alot and it helped me to know I am in a pretty good place on grief. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? none ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun May 10 05:44:52 1998 M18 in Liverpool, Merseyside =UK= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] Yahoo UK & Ireland internet directory. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 9 yrs ago. Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 77. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: what happens at the end of a living thing's natural life. --That first time, how it happened was My grandmother. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how it affected my parents, and my sisters. --What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is: to be more open-minded. There are myriad possibilities for what may happen when we die. No-one knows for sure which one is true. Again, I resent religious people telling me they know, when they don't. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: It brought the extended family closer together - briefly. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: The religious aspect of it all. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... That so many good people die early, and bad people live longer. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt guilty for playing computer games instead of talking to my grandmother the last time she visited. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Dictatorship. Telling people how they should feel/act, what they should do. I think people should be allowed to think for themselves. --Religious Affiliation: NONE, although I had christianity rammed down my throat at school. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Curious. Maybe there's something in it, maybe not. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Talking about it. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy I resent religious people telling me how I should feel, what I should do etc... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 9 23:49:35 1998 F17 in San Diego, CA =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I was raised in a rather isolated environment with cultural discrepancies causing pain - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1/2 ago. Cause of Death: alcoholism; Aged: 58. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: regarded with suspiscion in the West,embraced as a passing in the East. All in all, not too respected --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was curious, then scared when I saw the coffin. Somewhat sad while organ was playing --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...both Grandmas died in same month --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I was subconsciously expecting it --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is a glorious passing into a new realm. The dead should be honored and celebrated, not pushed into a guilty ground --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: observing a death in very scientific circumstances. I am grateful that I am now aware of the critical choices which need to be made before the onset of debilitating illness --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Books --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I was made to feel guilty for something which I still do not understand --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Remember all the love you have felt in your life, remember the lessons you have learned, the beauty of nature which has touched you --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Get to know the deceased better - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 9 15:34:53 1998 F17 in West Jordan, UT =USA= Name: Emily - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Just did search on Surveys. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: high school student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 15. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: It would be hard to explain it. I would maybe take them to a funeral.. let them see for themselves. It's something you can't explain in words very well..it's best understood if experienced. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was about 6 or 7. It was aunt. It saddened me. And, I was kind of upset because it didn't seem like anyone cared but me. I know now that they must have cared.. I just didn't see it. --That first time, how it happened was It was a relative that I only sort of knew. She was an aunt whom I enjoyed visiting because she lived on a farm and it was fun to play with all her stuff. She died from some illness. I was about 7 at the time and don't remember anymore. I was at the funeral. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The most recent death? Do you mean the one that stands out most? If you mean that one I remember how it totally floored everyone. The funeral is something I'll never forget. Her uncle got up to the podium and told us a funny story and.. we all cried.. and laughed. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I think the death of some of the people in my life has made me appreciate life a little bit more. I can't imagine dying at 15 like my neighbor did. Also makes me grateful that no one really close to me has died. These people have also taught me to try to live life to the fullest and.. not waste anything you have. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Me. I've never turned to others for comfort when it's come to death. I just work it out in my head and my heart as best I can. It's the only thing I know to do. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Realizing that I wouldn't see them EVER again. I would never watch them continue to grow. I would never get to just.. be with them. --[My Neighbor's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: got over the pain of it and moved on. I know a lot of people who are still stuck in the past.. but, you have to move on.. Let it go. Don't forget about them.. just continue. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I don't know. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye and tell her I enjoyed her friendship. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: I don't know. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I was shocked. By how.. a person can be there one day..and..not the next. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? -none- What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 9 12:20:48 1998 F29 in Knights Landing, CA =United States= Email: <cgale-at-yolo.k12.ca.us> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo! search for "polls" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Homemaker - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: 42. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the ending of physical life, when our bodies either break down and can no longer function, or when something so catastrophic happens to our bodies that they are broken beyond repair. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too little to know the difference, although I felt the tension and sadness that my parents felt. --That first time, how it happened was My grandma (my mom's mom) died young. My mother later found out she committed suicide, but I remember her at the time crying a lot. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the pain and sadness of my niece and nephew, their mother being taken away from them in the prime of their lives. --What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is: that our sadness is mainly selfish, for our own loss and not allowing that the person who has passed on is probably in a much better place. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that everything happens for a reason. The person who has died was somehow finished with their work in this plane of life. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: knowing that, spiritually, the person who died was always around me, through every step of my life, somehow guiding me and other loved ones. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the thought of those closest to them having to go on without them, having to experience graduations and love and marriage without their mother there physically. --[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: deeply felt her presence all around me, allowing her spirituality into my own heart and soul, so as to feel some level of comfort and understanding of such an awful period in so many people's lives. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: it happened so suddenly, cut short at such a young age and such a senseless death. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was the final knowledge that she was free to be who she wanted to be. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: spend more quality time with my aunt, to really get to know her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: share my sadness and loss with all of my other family members. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: we were almost done with the service, and the wind started to blow as if she were flying between us, wrapping her arms around us in comfort. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the viewing of the loved one's body. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think of her children trying to cope without her. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... If I knew then what I know now, and many others in my family might know now, I'm sure things would be much happier then, not so much family feuding. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that someone so full of life could have their life taken so soon and so suddenly. And I questioned whether there was a God at that point." --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back time, at least for my niece and nephew. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried for so long and so hard and held onto my own family as if I would never let go, not wanting the same thing to happen to them without my letting them know how much I care and love them. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: anger. She died in Mexico, and the authorities there were very cold-hearted about the whole thing, expecting monitary payment before they would prepare the body for shipment back to the U.S. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: to each our own, in our beliefs. --Religious Affiliation: I was baptized in the Catholic Church, but I no longer attend church at this time. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: strong and around me at all times. --Regarding MONEY: the Mexican Government held my aunt's body until they received payment for shipment and for preparation of her body. Also, my family paid for all shipment costs and for the service, and yet, my nephew felt "put out" that they didn't also pay for her headstone. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the whole family was there, together, for the first time in many, many years. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: that I would find myself twirling a lock of hair around my finger like my aunt used to do, and as I realized I was doing it, I felt my aunt's presence all around me. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : no single sign or milepost. Just cherish, as hard as it may be, every moment of every day you have with that person so close to you. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': after I found out my aunt had died and I was finally able to let myself try to rest, as I was dozing off, I "heard" my aunt step to the side of my bed. The floor creaked, and I felt her presence and felt comforted by it. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: My only unresolved issue would be that I'm a bit angry at her for running off to Mexico and behaving so recklessly, not wearing a helmet, etc. But she lived life to the fullest, so I cannot resent her for that. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would hope to tell her that all the family feuding was petty, that my aunts and uncles really, truly loved her, and it was all meaningless fighting. And I would hope to hear from her what life is like where she is and if she's happy there. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I feel one should talk to their loved ones explicitly about what their wishes are when they die, i.e. cremation, organ donation, etc. Then there will never be any doubt. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'm not frightened of my own death, per say, but of a painful death and not being able to tell my loved ones how much I care about them. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Just keeping my eyes and mind and heart open to everything around me, making myself able to see the signs of her spirit all around us: the gentle breeze against my face, the sense of a "touch" on my shoulder, etc. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Sometimes when I'm alone and I feel a certain "touch" or presence, I talk out loud to my aunt, telling her how much we all miss her and how I hope she is happy. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 8 17:24:41 1998 F28 in chicago, il =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] searched for VALS test - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 20 ago. Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 31. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: leaving behind our bodies and people we know. No longer will we be able to see or talk to anyone. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I did nothing (avoidance?) --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... my mother died of lung cancer (and other complications) at age 31. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the nightmares --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it made me a strong child who turned into an even stronger woman --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the nightmares (guilt that I didn't do everything I could to save her) --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: no one wants to die alone --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: her anniversary comes up (as it will in two months) --Religious Affiliation: lutheran now - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything I was only 8 so although I knew about death - it didn't mean a lot to me What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: nightmares haunted me for 3 years later - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it was good ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 8 14:57:27 1998 F15 in Coahoma, TX =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] just looking around - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: High School student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: 82. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: An end and a beginning. It is the end of life in a physical form but a beginning of life in a spiritual form when we are taken to heaven when the Lord comes. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Cryed and cryed for days, missed a lot of school.. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...he was an elderly man that everyone called Grandpa Joe. I was always at his house. He would tell me stories in his garden.....he had a beautiful garden. He died in his sleep. At his funeral, I remember standing by his casket for hours....... --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: a letter from his wife telling me how much I had meant to him... --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that death is not the end --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my upbringing in the Church... --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: starting to talk to them and then realizing they were no longer there... --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: really let him know that he was special to me --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear his name, see a picture of him, and even just hugging his wife... --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just go to sleep forever --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: there were many people who grieved with me and we all supported each other. --Religious Affiliation: I attend church regularly, Sunday morning, night, and Wednesday night. I go to the youth functions, my father is a preacher, I belive strongly in Jesus the Son of God, God the father, and the Holy Spirit. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I miss you, I love you. I hadn't seen him in several weeks, and I feel as though he died without knowing that I did love him. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Meditation. Scented candles in a dark room. Calming music such as waves, thunderstorms, Irish/Celtic. Concentrate on a sound or image. Push away all other disturbing or interrupting thoughts. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I still meditate several times a week for relaxation purposes. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? How well What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 7 16:52:26 1998 F26 in Lansing, mi =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 years ago. Cause of Death: his car got struck by a train; Aged: 17. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: not a happy event. I know being sad when someone has died is being selfish. Loving someone is a great thing and then if they die it is very hard. Your never going to see that person again. I believe in takeing pictures and being with that person as much as possible. I almost lost my own life so I try to spend my life happy and with people I love. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very sad. I couldn't believe it. And I didn't like it at all. I don't think anyone should go through death. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was..Like all teenagers there was our group of friends. Well one night me and my best friend went out and then my boyfriend and two of his friends went out and the two of our other friends did there own thing also. At the end of the night we were all going meet. Well our friend Rich was on his way to Kevin's house when the guy with him changed him mind so Rich turned around and took him home and then he was on his way to Kevin's house again. Rich thought he could beat the train. Well that night Rich didn't beat the train. All of us that had went to do our own thing that night actually drove by the acccident not even knowing that it was our friend Rich. The next morning we found out about it. My boyfriend came to my house and told me the awful news. It was a very hard time for all of us. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Seeing how everybody was sad and that I would never see Rich again. He was so young and it wasn't his time to go. I will tell my children in detail about his death so when they are teenagers they will think twice before doing or making a dumb decision. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: It souldn't be scarie. Being sad is being selfish. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I knew Rich and there were many great times. My family is very close with his family now. And he is probably looking down on my family and can't believe that me and Mike have four children. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My overall support was my boyfriend now he is my husband. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Why was it his time to go. Why did he do this? --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Just support them and give them lots of love. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: got throught it. Time heals and you never forget that loved one. Even if he had lived he may have been disfigured and he (I know) couldn't live like that. He wouldn't want to be alive and be a vegtable. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Why he died it wasn't his time to go. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: To see him for one last time and help his parents --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see pictures of him and how much fun we all had all of the time --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Just see him one last time to ask him some questions --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I couldn't believe it and it hit me when we were on our way to the viewing. I seen his casit in the car and I started shaking and crying. It blew me away that this was really happening. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold Me and my boyfriend now my husband helped each other. It is so hard to believe. The thing I couldn't stand the most was not knowing why he would go around the rails? And we will never know why. We are very close with his brother and his family. It has been 8 years and we still think about him and what happened. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body Having my husband to talk with and talk. We never got sick and tired of talking about it. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 7 14:26:38 1998 F20 in oakland, ca =usa= Name: katrina kover Email: <me_trina-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: veterinary technitian - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: her medication; Aged: 17. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: what happens to everybody, old, young, famous, poor. It is one of the things that happend to us all. Death comes when it is our time. It is a relief from the pain, the suffering, the hardships, the toil of everyday life. it hurts the paople around them most because they may not understand, they are afraid of death and make up stories to have us fear it, if you are sinful you go to hell after you die. who knows what happens when you die, pehaps you go into a deep sleep and have wonderful dreams of another life, perhaps we are dreaming now. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too young to really understand. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grat gandmother died when I was about 5 or 6. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: ow suddenly everything had happened. she was in a coma in an instant, then two hours later, she was dead. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: i didn't really grow up with a certian culture, just with my mom, but she told me that she thougt death was an escape from reality and she was alway calm and composed when someone died. sure she was sad that someone was gone and would never be with us but she was happy for them too. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: I got the most support from being alone and doing something, such as riding a bike or ice skating --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: seeing their parents. most parents think that their children will live longer than them and it is so hard to see parents clinging to the casket cry for their baby. I have only been through six or seven deaths and three were older people. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: feeling came up from past deaths - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories everytime some one dies, i cry about their death and the death of everyone in the past. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 7 13:21:49 1998 M34 in Adelaide, Sth Australia =Australia= Name: Ric Maguire Email: <magwin-at-cobweb.com.au> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Croupier - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 3 months ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: 33 years old. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My partner Hayden committed sucide three months ago. He hanged himself underneath the pergola just outside the back door. He was HIV positive. He was 33 years old and I shall miss him terribly. Love Ric --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I remeber comming home frpm work and going through my usual routine. I work night shift so I got home about 5am. I had something to eat and wathced TV. I fed the cats at 6 am took the kitty litter box outside, let the cats out and then I found him. At first I thought someone really tall was standing there in the silouette of daybreak having a piss and I remeber not being scared. I said "What are you doing?" ther was no response. I turned and put the kiity litter box down where it usually is put during the day. Hayden's body had now left my vision. I turned and saw him again I recognised his t shirt and shorts and then I reaslised it was him. I went over and touched his arm. He was cold and at that moment I realised that he was dead. and there was nothing that I could do. I felt so helpless. The love of my life was dead. I would never feel the warmth of his body against mine. I would never hold him again. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Hold Hayden in my arms once more and tell him that I understand why he did what he did and It's alright --Religious Affiliation: I was born and raised a Roman Catholic. However now I consider myself a spiritual person and not in the sightest bit religious. The Catholic Church has a lot answer for in this century particularly. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I know for certain that Hayden saw the face ogf God. He met his Spirit Guide and was told his time on earth was now complete. It was his time. He was ready to go. --Regarding the FUNERAL: Where do I begin. Hayden was cremated and the service was handled by Blackwell Funerals by Women. I wanted hYaden to be looked after by Women. For me, only a womans touch was good enough for Him, good enough for me. I handled all the arrangements and if it is at all possible for funeral to be a beautiful experiance Hayden's funeral was. From the ladies from Blackwells to the celebrant Coralie. I felt they cared for me and our extended family. Our relationship was vaild and that was for me the most important thing for me - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold Understanding and forgiveness and making a memorial video. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 7 12:48:37 1998 M26 in Hamilton, Ontario =Canada= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Retail Manager - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 weeks ago. Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 67. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of life as we know it. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too small to really understand what it was all about, but all I knew was that my dad was never home. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my father committed suicide when I was 3 years old. I still have memories of him, but it took a very long time to stop missing him as a child. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how sad the atmosphere in the funeral home was. So many people crying so openly... --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: the whole funeral thing is too much to bear. I think having a nice get-together with family and friends for a memorial service is far nicer than standing around a dead body for 3-4 days, prolonging the anxiety. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it has brought me back into contact with a side of my family I have not seen much of in 7 years. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: just knowing that it was over and that I would never have to go to that particular funeral ever again. It was too late to worry about it, all I could do was accept my loss and be thankful that the worst of the ordeal was finally over. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the regret of not having been around more to visit and be a grandson. --[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: was able to conquer my fear of being a pall-bearer. It is not a nice job and I'm certain it won't be my last time to do it, but the more I thought about it, the more I saw the honour of serving as a pall-bearer to my aunt. It was nice. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I actually had to view my aunt's body. I dreaded doing it so much but when it was over I wanted to go immediately to the cemetery and get it all over with as quickly as possible. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it is a very natural way of your body ridding itself of nervous energy. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: just spend more time. When my aunt died, I was driving her home to the nursing home where she lived and I told her that now that I was back in the area after having lived away for awhile, that I was going to pick her up and bring her out to my grandma's house in the summer to visit and get some fresh country air and some sunshine. She died 6 days later. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: perform as my aunt's pall-bearer. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think about the others left in my family who are nearer death than myself, and how I will someday have to mourn them as well. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Unfortunately it did happen and there's nothing anyone is able to do about it. We must carry on. This too, shall pass. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... why did it have to be them, why couldn't it have been one of the bad people in the world? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just let it all go. Why does it have to take so long to recover and feel whole again? --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I realized that the worst part about the grieving process was that it was forced to be so public. Losing someone you love is a tough thing to get over, and having to grin and bear it graciously makes it even more difficult. --Religious Affiliation: I don't belong to any churches and I was only informally baptised by my Sunday school teacher as a child. I believe in the spirit of nature and the forces of the elements around us. --Regarding MONEY: funerals are just too expensive...I can't afford to buy a new car so why would I want to spend the same amount or more on my death, something which I won't even be able to enjoy. --Regarding the FUNERAL: it was like show-business. Of course, the funeral director has to orchestrate everything to make it run smoothly, but it almost seemed like we were on their time and not vice versa. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: seeming like they should have been in attendance at the reception afterwards. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I feel that I am okay at this point. The regret was hard to deal with but now I realize that I have the memories of things which I have done in the past to make those now deceased smile, laugh, happy and thankful to have me around, and I can carry those memories with me forever. --If we were to visit one last conversation... That they are okay and that it was not a frightening or painful transition. I would also like to think that they are totally happy and not at all regretful that this has happened. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: If those around me wanted a true funeral instead of a remembrance party to get through their grief, I would hope that they did whatever made them the most comfortable. I only resist a funeral as I believe them to be barbaric and unnatural. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would want those around me to be themselves and true to me to the end and I would not want them to be too sad. I would loathe the idea of putting my friends and family through the traditional mourning process, and I would want simply to be cremated and sprinkled somewhere perfect after some sort of remembrance party. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was a nice way of putting some thoughts straight in my mind while having a few moments to reflect on some wonderful memories. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu May 7 05:11:49 1998 F29 in Mason City, Iowa =US= Name: Michelle Email: <msfunk-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Funk - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: please do not post personal information - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 week ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 31. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Having someone around and getting used to it only to have them snatched away from you in a day. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Would/could not believe that they were dead. I went numb. --That first time, how it happened was My great grandmother died of old age. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How nobody really seemed to care and nobody knew what to say to me. --What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: How to deal with it. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I will always have the time I got to spend with him. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: I don't know how to deal with it. I just try to keep going. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Having not dealt with death since I was small, I've had a hard time with it. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Be there with them in the end. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Seeing the body. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I'd be dead too. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I've thought this alot. My friends that died were age 21 and 31. By car accidents. Niether of them at fault. Just freak occurances. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Curl up in my own shell and make it all go away. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I still don't know how to deal with it. Two of my very close friends have died within the last year. How does one deal with it? --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Horror. I would not want to be seriously ill or close to death and let the quacks at NIMHC get thier hands on me. They can't even diagnose a cold right. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: No religion. No church at all. --Religious Affiliation: nonee --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: all religion and every being experiences life and death. no matter what species. death I believe is just a release of your energy to what lies beyond. --Regarding MONEY: nobody should have to pay to die. --Regarding the FUNERAL: I didn't go --The weirdest part of it all to me was: I knew when I heard thier name before I was told that something had happened. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Wear your seatbelt. You never know it COULD save you. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell them that I will miss them like hell, and that no one will muddy their name. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I want them all to cry and remember. --Any thoughts about your own death?: Sometimes I wish it would come, no matter how scared of that particular unknown, I hate having to struggle and fight to just keep myself going. I'm too curious of how things will happen to ever take myself out. But somedays I wish it would come. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? How well What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything I didn't want my Christmas presents that year, she died in November. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It saddened me to have to think about the ones I love being gone. These wounds are pretty fresh though. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed May 6 21:09:08 1998 F16 in Jacksonville, IL =USA= Name: Samantha Helmig Email: <samantahelmig-at-hotmail.com> Web: none - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] yahoo:social sciences:psycology:tests - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: none Recommended Reading-- Writers: none - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: a gunshot to the chest; Aged: 49. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: an ending to life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I denied it at first, and finally accepted it and cried and always missed them forever. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... my father was killed --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that i didnt get the support i needed. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that everyone is different when going through the grieving process. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that i finally grew up. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: that i had my friends. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: dealing with my life without them in it. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: dealt with it entirely by myself and was self-realiant. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i was in denial. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I became reclusive and kept to myself all the time, always thinking about it. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Denial and i cried and cried What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope people depended on me and i couldnt handle it very well ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed May 6 21:02:18 1998 M45 in Phoenix, Arizona =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 27 yrs ago. Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: 63. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The changing of our physical body and all the various energy involved with it into other forms of energy that we do not totally understand. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I wondered where their energy went. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was my grandmother, who lived with us died of a stroke. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How poorly religion prepares people for a death experience and how emotional people become. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that everything around us is energy. Death does not eliminate the energy. It just changes forms. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the feeling that we go on to explore new forms of existence. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my scientific, logical thinking process and knowledge of quantum mechanics. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: keeping a friend alive on a machine for a year, when he was brain dead and knowing that he would have pulled the plug on himself, had he had the chance. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Keep being yourself. No fake stuff. Be positive. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: believe that Kervorkian is doing a wonderful thing, helping those who wish to move on to their next existence. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: religious types tell us that there's a heaven and hell, but offer no logical explanation for the concepts. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Keeping my friend alive for that year was ridiculous. He was already on his way to his next existence. What a ridiculous waste of money, time and bed space. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I picture the deceased as moving energy, exploring their new existence. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: religious ceremony. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt relieved --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: the medical community is not doing us any favors keeping people alive beyond quality life. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a ridiculous waste of time and effort. --Religious Affiliation: Methodist formerly. Current no organized religion. --Regarding the FUNERAL: how cool the undertaker's are and how appropriate their behavior is to emulate. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: how easy it was for me to let go of those that died. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Quality of life should be considered in situations of brain death. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am now very comfortable with my own death and look forward to what lays ahead. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Realize that we're all energy and still energy after physical death. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Stay in the moment. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy Everyone else's belief system didn't work for them. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Always satisfying to try to help others. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed May 6 17:48:41 1998 F34 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 1yr ago. Cause of Death: Leukemia; Aged: 62. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Inevitible for all us of there is a time for us to be born, a time to live and a time to die --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Kept searching for them. thinking I was going to se them at the store in the next room. Sometimes even calling out and saying there name. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...A gRanparent that we lived with had cancer, bone cancer and died in the house we lived in as a child. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I was with her,She died at the hospital that I work at and on the the same floor I work on, She had been pretty quiet all day, she kept asking me for pecan pie. I was holding her hand and telling her It was ok that she could let go and let Jesus take all her pain away. She smiled and her breathing began to get worse, but she did not struggle. She had a sort of stare off look. she was lookinig at me with hers eyes physically but she was seeing something else. I asked her what she was seeing but she didn't respond. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: Death is a natural cause and state and all of us must experience it sometime. It can at times be peaceful and pain free. Everone of us fear dying alone and hope that someone is with us. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Death does have gifts for some who are in great pain and know that the will be painfree. It also has the gift of eternal life if you accept Christ as your personal savior. And believe in heaven. That is what I'm grateful for. I have seen alot of people die. I have comforted many people who are about to die I have heard people say they see someone they know. Or reach out to someone who physically isn't there. I'm grateful for these experiences and to have shared a pierce of there humanity even if it was just for a brief moment in time. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: I think people help people their experiences may be the same as yours and they are able to help you. I've also read books in coping with the loss of a loved one. those help sometimes with the answers that you may have to questons that you don't particularly want to ask a person. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Knowing that this was the last moment I was going to get to say all the things I wanted to say to them. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Tell them that your right there reassurance and touch is so very important. The person may not be able to see you or speak but the human touch in very comforting. And speaking to them. Tell them it is ok not to be afraid --[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: I Didn't think I was capable of handling someone that I loved so much die before my eyes. I believe she helped not fear death as much as I had before. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I always wonder when someone is no longer able to speak what they see, What is really going thru their mind is it fear? Peace? relief? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: It is okay to laugh. The ones you love would have laughed with you if they could. It is such an emotional time and humans have all sorts of emotions at the time of the death of a loved one. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Had more time with them. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Be there with her and hold her hand at tell her I loved her and tell her good bye --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: When I go to a favorite place that we shared or see a picture of us at aplace that we had been. If i see someone who looks like her. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Fell apart and became selfish wondering what I was going to do now that the were no longer here for me. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: She died at the hospital that I work at while I was on duty MY co-workers were very supportive and the hospital chaplain was also the was not enough time for hospice to step in to help. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: The most important thing knowing that she was going to be at peace and no longer feel pain. And be with God. --Religious Affiliation: Born again christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: There is a common link of spirit in all deaths. no matter what a persons belief system may be in all the deaths that I have encountered whethor the person believes in God or not when it comes down to the last moment they grasp for that last hope of eternal life in spirit. --Regarding the FUNERAL: It gives you a sense of closure --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Changes in breathing pattern,with periods of apnea, until there is no breathing. earlier sighn such as mottling of the extremities. decrease in heart rate, decrease in b/p --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': Not just with my aunt but with other people i had heard them say peoples names reach out to touch someone . Speak of a light with a tunnel. I also spoke with people after a death experience who were resuscitated and brought bck and they ask why we did that. or that they watched us working on them but could't speak and tell to stop. --RE: Near Death Experiences: When I was approximately 13 years old I was at a family reunion. We were at a lake. All of the cousins were going swimming in the lake. i was apretty experienced swimmer by then and so was my cousin. Most of the kids were already in the water and swimming out to a floating dock in the middle of the lake.So we decided to join them. We did and all of us were having a good time jumping of the dock for a while. Most of the cousins decided they had enough of the water and went back to eat. My cousin and I were the only two left on the dock we stayed a while longer then decided to go back also. swimming back something happended neithor one of us are quite sure to this day something puled us under the water about midway back. Ther was alife guard on duty butapparently she didn't see us struggling at first.I remember my cousin stepping on my head and pushing me furher down under the water. To help herself get up on top of the water. i remeber seeing the water the top of the water and A light that was so bright. I remember not feeling afraid and not paniced at all. I really didn't even try to help myself to the surface I kept going further under but I didn't particularly care. When my cousin reached the beach she yelled at the lifegaurd and for our family to come help. I didn't hear her yell or call for help my parents said that they kept screaming my name but I never heard them It was so peaceful where I was at and the light on the water was so beautiful. When I came to I was on the beach and the life gaurd was pumping water out of me. This incident occured before I had a sense of religion or had abelief system of my own. But I knew from that time on that there was someone out that day helping me and keeping me from feeling afraid tho I don't recall seeing anyone but my cousin. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: No unresolved issues we spoke of all the things that we wanted to say to each other before she was unable to respond. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I think everyone should have written down there wishes in some for of living will. no matter what age you are every one has a right to die with there wishes carried out. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I know that how ever I am suppose to die that it is not in my hands. That I have the assurance of God in my life. I am not afraid to die. I know that there is a better and more peaeful place than this world we live in. One without pain crime, fear hunger,and suffering. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I took a very long walk by myself to a place that we frequently went together a park she took me to as a child at talked to her and said good-bye and thought of her and remembered her. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Just that I try not to take the moments in life for granted and try to make every day count especially with ones closest to me. I tell them regularly how I feel about them. I try not to get upset about the little things in life and pick my battles carefully. and make ammends quickly. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System Faith that there is eternal life thru Jesus Christ. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I thnk sometimes just writing the experience down and remembering the experience helps alot. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed May 6 08:31:19 1998 M55 in Tucson, AZ =Pima= Name: Claude M. Adams Email: <cmadams-at-internetmci.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Retired Fireman/Fire Arson Investigator - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: I Shall not leave You Desolate Recommended Reading-- Writers: Martha ??? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, yrs-8 months ago. Cause of Death: heartfailure; Aged: 69. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the ulimate point of living before leaving this earth and entering into the spiritual world of God and his Kinddom. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I was scared. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...That one of my mother relatives died. I was approximately 4 years of age. I was accompanying my mother to 'visit' her dead relative in the home. In Europe, 'they' used to hold visitations in the home. In any case. Upon arrival, someone other than my mother pick me up and instructed me to 'kiss' this dead peson. I remember she was dressed in black and lying in this large bed with her dress fanned out at the bottom to cover a large portion of the bed. That was my 1st experience with death and it scared the hell out of me. That experience still haunts me today, 50 years later. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The person who died was my best friend, about 8 months ago. --What I think my (Pima) culture needs to better learn about death is: as much a part of living as any other function we perform in life and that we have nothing to fear in the "actual" dying momements where all functions cease and our souls leave our body and enter the other world. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: A couple of special friends of mine. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the emotional Pain I experienced and the loss of the friendship I no longer had. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Don't offer advice unless asked and maybe just talk about death and the everlasting life upon leaving this plane of life. --[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: feel. When a parent loses a son or daughter it leaves a void in their life, continually. It seems so out of balance and 'unnatural' that a son or daughter die at an early age, before the parents. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I don't know! --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: n/a --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: don't know. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: have my son for the 15 years he was with me. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: that 'someone' should be with me at all times. I would have welcomed being alone. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think of them, my son and my best friend, how they lived, laughed, cried, listening to their plans and schemes. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just leave this world to rid myself of the pain I feel. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: n/a --Regarding HOSPICE etc: n/a --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: that believing in God and that death is not the final curtain. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Good as it should be as death does transcends religion and culture. --Regarding MONEY: n/a --Regarding the FUNERAL: services and eulogys given by family and friends --The weirdest part of it all to me was: n/a --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : the personal traits of the individual, you can see it in their eyes when they are ready to leave. There is really no explanation as to what to look for, however, if you are at the bedside and you can see their eyes, you'll be able to determain when they are leaving. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': have never experience this type of paranormal activity. --RE: Near Death Experiences: Never happened, "yet". However, I don't discount that it will never happen. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: none.l --If we were to visit one last conversation... I believe this is such a subjective matter that it doesn't or wouldn't help me now as I'm pretty much 'through' the process of dealing with my feelings. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I believe one should adhere to the wishes of the dying, regardless of law and necessities. --Any thoughts about your own death?: As I stated earilier, my own death will be the same as any other persons death. I will leave a legacy to my family. My death will bring saddness to my children and grandchildren, however, I have prepared them for understanding death in my case. I have taught them that to cry and talk of me is ok and that they should cry and talk about me, about the things I stand for, who I was, and how it all relates to their own lives and who they are. They will be sadden by my death however, they will smile and have a lot of great memories about me as I am a pretty good family man and a great, 'greatfather'. I know I'm loved and I'd like to be presumputous enough to say "yes" I am entering the Kindom of God to sit at the Right hand of the Father. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I envolved myself with helping others in the process of coping with their losses of loved ones and friends. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I still try and help other people that are having a difficult time in coping or dealing with the death of a loved one or friend. It seems to have a positive effect on myself and the receiptient of my attempted help. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? How well What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope Mental health doctor. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death My own fears. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I think the questionnaire was a fair document and a positve experience for me. You see, I've retired from public safety service where death and dying where an everyday/weekly/monthly occurance and the memories of my career have not always been pleasant because of the circumstances surrounding these events that caused death. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed May 6 08:21:47 1998 F27 in Silver Spring, Maryland =USA= Name: Mickey Buell Email: <mbuell-at-ahcpr.gov> Web: none I think it would be good to get my kooky little views out there. It may help someone. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] Yahoo - Psychological Tests - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Management/Program Analysis - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 21 yrs ago. Cause of Death: Scarlet-fever induced heart disease; Aged: 65. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of material existence. Something may or may not happen afterwards, so perhaps the Judaic tack is better -- "you're only here once!" --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I knew that I wouldn't see this person again, but felt that we had spent our time together. No regrets. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandfather had scarlet fever as a child and subsequently developed "soldier's heart". He died when he was 65, and I was six. I loved my grandfather, but I'm glad it happened when I was younger and not older. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I had a friend that died in a horrible motorcycle accident when I was 20 (7 years ago). What I remember most vividly was how other people reacted to it. The people that cried the loudest at the funeral were the guiltiest of ostracizing or rejecting the deceased while alive. I had always been nothing but nice to this person, so no regrets. However, all the other people treated him like a martyr and held these stupid "Can You Top This Sadness" contests and these stupid candlelight vigils. That disgusted me. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Death is certain; could be now or could be later. If you treat those around you with respect (and cut off those that refuse it or don't deserve it), you'll never be sorry when they die. People don't think of consequences of their behavior enough. I'm currently in a battle with my brother (I did not start the battle), and what he's going to learn if I die before he works things out with me is that he's going to be very very very sorry. Things left unspoken to someone that suddenly dies are things you carry with you. I believe in the "this might be the last time I see you, so let me tell you how much you mean to me" system. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Can't think of anything. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Myself, and knowing that I never harmed the person that died therefore don't feel guilty. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Knowing I would never see the person again. However, this could happen at any time, and you'd think that it has happened so much now that people would learn to deal with it effectively. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: When my grandmother died when I was 21 (a year after my friend died in a motorcycle accident), the best thing we did as a family was to remember the good times. Not to talk the person into some idealized angel or anything, but to look at the death of my grandmother with fondness and humour. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: accepted Death as inevitable; nature. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Never confused. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: There was one girl that was always very cruel to me and threatened me in junior high. When I heard she died, I laughed out loud, and didn't care who heard me. And I'm not sorry I laughed. She was a bitch, and I'd never see her again! Joy! Hey! I know someone would think that's "sick", but hey man! I didn't kill her!!!! --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: None of these. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: view death as a non-religious experience. I'm an Athiest and do not believe that we go to heaven or hell; in fact, I believe Christianity has done more to attach a stigma to death, an inevitable, natural occurrence, than any other religion. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I can't think of anything. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: The actual burial. My family has always believed in getting cremated and then buried into the Earth. We are heartily against taking up a plot in a cemetary and laying in a coffin whilst we rot. A "sin," if you could call it that. But, people go running for that funeral, don't they? We usually sit around over dinner and invite family over when someone dies, and that's it. We have the ashes with us and then we all go outside and inter the ashes into the ground. It's like a party, really. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I don't get teary-eyed when I think about anyone close to me that has died, but when I think about them, I get a very close comforting feeling. Oh, I do get teary-eyed about my friend that got killed in a motorcycle accident. Not because he was young, or anything like that. See, I told him he was going to brunch on that thing and kill himself, so it's not like I wasn't prepared. But what kind of makes me teary-eyed is the fact that they never found all of his body. His left eyeball was never recovered, and his two best friends saw him die. They ran out and tried to piece his skull together. I get sad when I think of what my friend must have seen and felt right before he went. But mostly, I get teary-eyed about the two best friends, and how frantic and hysterical they must have been, and how they sleep at night. That's what makes me sad; the vision those two saw that day, and have to live with for the rest of their lives. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I'd rather not waste time thinking about this philosopical argument. Things are the way they are. Can't be changed. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Nope. Death is PERFECTLY fair. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Never difficult. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I This never happened to me. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Incompetence, but hey. When your time's up, your time's up. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Absolute and utter hypocrisy. I refuse to "deal" with things in the context of religion. I mean, if I needed religion to comfort me to "deal with" a death, I'd probably want to shoot myself in the head. Death is simpler without religion. --Religious Affiliation: Absolute athiest. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like useless idealism. There are things none of us know, but it's not useful to me to ponder it. --Regarding MONEY: Luckily, no one in our family leaves behind any money, but they don't leave bills, either. We usually escape the problem of estates. --Regarding the FUNERAL: I think I've answered this up top -- may have gotten ahead of myself. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: How calm and serene I was about it. Of course, I have had some people commit solopsism upon me and say that I'm "just suppressing it" or maybe just "denying that my family has gone to Hell." Man, people are so stupid! --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Complete loss of faculties. My grandmother also had a "glow" about her the night before she died, and in fact, I told my mother to get everything ready because I knew she'd die the next day. We all have a feeling about it because we're objective -- my family is usually able to tell when someone's going, so we spend more time making the person comfortable and getting last items of business taken care of. Anyway, my grandmother and her "glow:" she talked about things that she had never talked about, like how syphilis was really big in the 40's. She was very hyper, but since she'd been incontinent for a couple weeks, we weren't fooled. Turned out that they had to call her death a "heart attack", although they couldn't find any scar tissue on her heart. She just... went. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': My grandmother talked to my grandfather the night before she died and told him that she was ready -- she was coming. I don't believe in God; none of us do. But, I do believe that this is highly possible as a natural event, whether created in the person's mind as an aid during the dying process or the actual essence of a deceased loved one coming to aid your dying process. But, because I have not died, I couldn't really tell you which one it was and decline to entertain the thought. --RE: Near Death Experiences: I actually was trying to take part in the MIT/Harvard Study to stop your heart for two minutes as part of an after-death study. Like the movie "Flatliners." However, everyone has denied involvement. I would have liked to participate because I'm a completely objective party -- I'm sure I wouldn't see angels or demons. I think part of your dying experience is determined by your belief system, and perhaps another part is determined by your biological processes as you die. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I always resolve things with people at the moment, and haven't been unlucky enough to have any unfinished business with anyone. --If we were to visit one last conversation... This is kind of freaky, okay, and I know that my answers on this questionnaire have been quite unusual. But my dead relatives and friends have ALL come to me in a trance-state between sleep and awake, and my grandfather has always given advice, which I have yet to decline. Now how is it that someone like me with my belief system gets this experience and most people would kill for it, but never have it? I think whatever I do works. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: This has never been an issue. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't care if it's painful -- I'll only have the pain until I die, right? I don't care if I go soon. There's nothing that I have placed so much importance on in my life that "I must do before I DIE!" I'd be sad for my husband and my family, though. But, they're all like me -- they let you know what you mean to them whenever you talk to them. So I doubt that none of them would have any regrets. Oh, except my brother who has seen it fit to cause a feud. I would actually take pleasure in dying just to devil him for the rest of his days with regrets on his part! How mean, right? --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: No. In fact, I see no use for rituals or any of that. Rituals equal groupthink to me, and I think in a group you can lose your individuality. I think there is nothing about death that can't be handled by oneself. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? No. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc. This sounds strange, but because it was my beloved grandfather that died, it showed me that death was completely natural. If it could happen to him, it could happen to anyone, and them's the breaks! What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I think it's a good questionnaire - a bitch to tabulate, though! I think questionnaires that go into depth with questions that people have to think about are definitely the best, and well worth the effort. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 5 23:35:51 1998 F22 in Vancouver, British Columbia =Canada= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: manager - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: terminal leukemia; Aged: 21. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: life --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I had no clue what to do. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my best friend of six years passed away from leukemia. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: loss. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: not to be afraid, live life to its fullest everyday/ --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: being told that the person would always be with me in spirt and in my heart. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my cat, Howard. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: my ex-boyfriend's cliam that I would never love him as much as I did my friend, right after the funeral. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to hold their hand, even though they might not be conscios, they still now you. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: I went to work each day and thought about my friend and never forgot him. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: everyone was gathered at my friend's house and talking like nothing had happened. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: I would have been there, as I promised I would, when my friend drew his last breath. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: say goodbye and hold my friend's hand one more time. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I carried his coffin, it seemed so light and frail, not at all like my friend was. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: saying you are sorry. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: Remembrance day, my birthday, my friend's birthday, my wedding day. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I could laugh more readily. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I could not understand why my friend wouldn't allow any of his friends or family to be tested for bone marrow! --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back time...and create more for my friend. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I could not stop crying and feeling the loss of my friend. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: hope and compassion. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: compassion, total and complete respect. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: prayers,love. --Religious Affiliation: protestant --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I don't know, I really don't know anymore. --Regarding MONEY: I had to bo gack to work even though I didn't want to. --Regarding the FUNERAL: family. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: carrying the casket, being a pallbearer. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : tiredness. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I fell into a deep and peaceful sleep, as though I was there guiding my friend, if that makes sense. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: My friend and I never argued once in six years. SO there was never really anything left undone. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I love you and I am sorry that I left you, I wasn't strong enough to bear anymore. He'd say that I was there and that he loves me too. And he would also tell me to find peace within myself. It gives me a sense of peace at times. But other times I kick myself for not doing more for him. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Your will and living will should always be up to date, so that everyone knows what you wished for. It is your own death, not someone elses. --Any thoughts about your own death?: If you have ever read "Death,be not proud" then you will understand my philosophy on dying. I also view it as life, with a sense of acceptance. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Carrying the casket the final distance. Seeing my friend's place in the sun. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I think of my friend every day, sometimes I even dream about him. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt prayer - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Thought provoking, I had never broken down my feelings about death and especially my friend's. In some ways it opened up the scar that was left there. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 5 12:08:26 1998 F25 in walterboro, sc =us= Email: <kboatwright-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Friend ] Prof/Studies: sociology - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I do not mind - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...This person was my grandmother. I grew up in my family believing she was my mother until I was 13. She was alwas sick because of smokinking and Diabetes. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My counselor at school and my fiance who was also going through an similar innicident. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: If I had experienced it a a younger age I would have probably handled It better. But my grandmother was the only death in my family in 23years (my age at her death). This was also the first funeral I attended. I always avoided them. Of any friends or associates. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I was not there and this is one of my regrets. Not being there when she was ill. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Remembered all the things she told me about death when I was little. To always remember that Put god first and that he is always there to go throught even your most toughest times. Do not dwell on the fact that we must all die you don't have to accept it just let it happen. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I am not really sure? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I remembered the precious moments we shared just the two of us. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: See, hug kiss, and tell her that I am sorry for all the bad things I did while growing up. But must of all to tell her that I loved her just one more time and be ther when she was asking for me.. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Share my part of my life with her. She died thinking I was happy, rather I was or not. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: holding on until they(the dying person)feel is the time to let go. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: I do not know. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear of a close friend or even a stranger tell of the death of someone they too love. I start to rcall her death and the memories they have become my own. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... She would have been able to see my upcoming wedding and my child. she will know that I love her and that everything is really going well in my life. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Why did she die first I never wanted to see someone I love go before me I knew that I was not goint to handle it. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Go back and start that part of my life over, or erase the thoughts. the pain is so much. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I knew that I too would really died. I thought I was living in a fantsy world where other people died but not in my family. I always knew I would die, bit I only thought of death and how soon it would come for me after grandmothers death. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: She left the medical community and refused to be put on life support. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: does not apply --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Believing what My grandmother taught me that We all must die to get to the place wher we will meet again. And I know we will. --Religious Affiliation: I grew up Baptist --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I think That death does tie us all together. It is somthing that We all must do regardless of race or sex. --Regarding MONEY: My family all argued about if we had enought to bury her. She would not have wanted such a big dicussion over this. All she wanted was something not so expensive. --Regarding the FUNERAL: It was only my brothers and sister nine in total. MY neices and nephews about 12 and my sisters friend from a college where she works totaled about 5. My father and his wife also. It was such a small funernal. But it should not have been because my graandmother grew up down south and she was really realted to a lot of people. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Believing she was really dead --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : You would have never know My grandmother was dying. She did not show any signs --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I do not know --RE: Near Death Experiences: never had one --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I think that I will still have to vist with my god on a regular basis in prayer to strengthen me spiritually and I wiil need to still every once in a while talk to my couselor. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I have never had a dream that I was able to resove my feelings --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: My grandmother wishes were not to be put on life support. I know that it is vital to follow somones wishes but I am not sure that If I was there that I would have. I don't like this Idea but I can not change it. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I want to die a quiet death like my Grandmother or in my sleep. I do not want to experience any pain Or cause anyt pain to others. Hopefull I will be able to educate my child and my family, so they will be able to under stand this process we call death. But most of all I will always remember what My grandmother told mew when I was small an I will no longer be afraid. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I try to look at pictures every holiday or whenever just so I do not forget any special moments we shared. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Denial I left the state where she lived What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen My family figured since I was older that I would react differently, bn - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It brought up alot of feelings that I try to forget but It is heathly I think to remember so thanks for reminding me. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? I like it just the way its written ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 5 11:22:19 1998 F44 in Tempe, AZ =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 21 yrs ago. Cause of Death: unable to recover from heart surgery; Aged: 53. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of our physical being, but not of our soul. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was a young child. I thought I should feel bad, but didn't know how that felt. --That first time, how it happened was It was my grandmother's second husband. I didn't know him well as they lived in another state. My mother went back to the funeral. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I was just getting to know my mother as an adult and then I lost her. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I only remember the good things about my mother. I've pushed her faults away. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Sometimes, late at night, I think about her and just cry and cry. As sad as it seems, it brings me close to her. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The thought that I would never see her again. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: My mother didn't know I was there, but she spoke of my grandmother and uncle being there -- and they had both been dead for a while. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Believe that there is a spiritual existance after our bodies can no longer exist. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: laughter and tears are very similar emotions. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Tell her once more how much I love her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: have had her influence on whom I am. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: my mother spoke of my grandmother and uncle being there with her. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I often cry when I think about my mother, even after 21 years. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would have argued with her off-and-on my whole life. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that I didn't get to have her in my life longer. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could have her back. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: emotional support. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic, but I don't attend church regularly. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like the only way to make sense out of a life cut short. The hope that there is something more. That our soul lives on to either join the cosmos or return to try again. --Regarding MONEY: it wasn't an issue. --Regarding the FUNERAL: that there were so many people who loved her. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: one night, I awoke out of a sound sleep because I heard her say my name. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : our loved ones who have died are with us. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': as mentioned above, my grandmother and uncle were there for her. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I would want people to think well of me. I don't want them to be sad, but I want to be missed. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I do not fear death and would not take great medical measures to prevent it. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I have Native American acquaintances who have a sweat-lodge ceremony and other ceremonies. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System I miss the person, but believe it's not the end. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: The grief over the loss of the person. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue May 5 04:59:23 1998 F25 in Boston, MA =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] http://www.concentric.net/~webstr/survey.shtml - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Editor, web designer, database administrator Recommended Reading-- Writers: Kubler-Ross, LeShan - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 yrs ago. Cause of Death: Stroke/heart attack; Aged: 69 yrs. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the loss of a person; when someone dies, we no longer have that person around. She is gone forever. --That first time, how it happened was My great-aunt, who was like my grabdmother, died in her 70s after a long illness. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: feeling like I didn't do everything I could have done for her while she was still alive. Little gifts and treats never given, etc. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: this culture needs to teach children about death from infancy. Death is so taboo, people never learn to deal with it. Emotions are hidden and people are afraid to mention it or expose children to it. There are many cultures that embrace death as part of the life process, and their children grow up with those healthy attitudes. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the loss of that person in my life. We don't mourn because the person dies; we mourn because we have lost that person, and that person will never be with us again. It's a selfish position, but accurate. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Presence is all that is necessary. I know that, as my grandmother's favourite grandchild, she was always happy to see me, even though she might not have been able to express it. Being surrounded by loved ones helps. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: When a loved one is ill and helpless and the quality of life suffers, we wish for an end to that person's life, though we wish that person could be alive as she once was. I thyink that dichotomy is the most confusing thing about death, and one of the things that causes the most guilt feelings after the death. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Before my grandmother died, she spent about 2 years with a g-tube so she couldn't eat. I wished I had brought her more chocolate ice cream before she had the tube. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: There is a point where you have to question quality of life. When a person loses everything that made her who she was, then we have to accept and welcome death. --Religious Affiliation: Atheist --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Because there is no afterlife, we have to make our lives as full and good as we can. We answer for all our actions here oin earth, there is no judgement later. We have to live with all our decisions. Cherish life while you have it, and cherish everyone around you. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the way the religious people seemed clueless about life and death. Since their god was taking care of the person, they said it was the "will of god," and other such nonsense. They need toaccept reality; the dead are dead. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I know that such things exist and occur only in someone's mind, and sometimes people need to create these things to help themselves deal with the loss. I had many dreams after my grandmother died that might have been called prophetic or otherworldly. They were my mind giving me permission to deal with the loss. --RE: Near Death Experiences: see above --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't want to die, because that's the end. Not that living is always fun, but it's just the fear of the pain associated with death that scares me. *How* will I die, will it be painful, violent, etc. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Other: Distance: I was in Boston, she was in Puerto Rico. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon May 4 20:19:33 1998 F58 in Pittsburg, KS =USA= Name: GG Email: <gtgallup-at-mail.midusa.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Yahoo - Psychology - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Registered Nurse - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: OK to post - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Final Gifts - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 5 months ago. Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 84. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: ceasing to physically exist on this earth. What is left is the memories -- the thoughts and feelings, and the influence that person had on the life of the survivor. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was amazed at how peaceful it was for the person who died. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I had a date with someone I didn't know very well and when he returned home after taking me home, he found his roommate had hung himself. Even though I did not personally know the deceased, I went to the funeral. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how everyone accepted it, as if it was so normal. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is normal and should be expected when people get to be old, or if someone is in poor health. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that me uncle had a "nearing death" experience and shared it with me. He told me what he was "seeing" two days before he died. When I picture it myself, now, it gives me a lot of peace. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: support from my mother, my husband, and my children --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: worrying that my uncle had not resolved all his conflicts. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: It is important to just be there -- you don't have to say anything or do anything. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: his health took a sudden turn for the worse and I did not realize he was near death. I am still embarrassed that I did not recognize that he was probably in a coma. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there when he died. I will always be so grateful that the nursing home called and I was able to get there and be with him. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: my uncle told me he had left and gone to a golf course with his roommate. He insisted this had actually happened even though he had no way of leaving his bed unaided. He had never hallucinated and I have come to believe he was having a "nearing death" experience, that he was seeing where he was going (very soon) and Heaven, for him, would be a place where he would walk again and enjoy the fresh air again. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I had a hard time comprehending that a life I had known ALL OF MY LIFE was no longer on this earth. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: everyone involved in his care was so kind. I think they all did the best they could and really cared about our family and our feelings. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: we were able to have a dignified funeral, sang songs that had a lot of sentimental meaning. I also was able to "fall back" on a strong faith in the hereafter. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic/Christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: that no one every really dies if they leave a personal memory with those who are living. --Regarding MONEY: we were appreciative that my uncle had kept his financial affairs in order and made it easy for me to handle the financial part of the funeral. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Abrupt changes in mood or level of alertness. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I believe my uncle did have such an experience, a visit to a golf course. This would have been significant, not because he was an avid golfer, but, because it was an opportunity for him to walk about in a beautiful place and breathe fresh air; he had not been able to walk for several months and mostly stayed in bed all day long. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I try to treat everyone as if our interaction will be the final one between us, so we can both feel good, should it be the last meeting we'll every have. I've tried to share with my family how much I love them, and how I'd choose my final medical care. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I encouraged my uncle to talk about his unresolved family issues and attempted to elicit information about the relationships for my own future knowledge. I tried to validate his feelings, and in doing so discovered some of my own feelings and beliefs about family. I think this really helped him face his death and I feel very good about having done this for him. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I hope to always observe when a person needs to talk about anything. Some people have a lot to share and never get to really, truly say what is on their mind. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I was glad for the chance to share my thoughts on some of these things. I'm sure there are many people who will be able to clear some issues be working through this questionnaire. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? No - I think you have done a fine job with your questions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon May 4 11:36:36 1998 F27 in New York, New York =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] death dying - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: volunteer coordinator - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying, The Pagan Book of Living and Dying Recommended Reading-- Writers: Sogyal Rinpoche, Starhaw - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 35. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the transition from one form of energy to another. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was unaware. --That first time, how it happened was My grandfather died. My mother rushed us in her car to her hometown to be there. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the absolute gift of being present for his death. The sacredness of the moment. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it is inevitable. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the intensity of reality. Of the appreciation of the small things. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: AIDS Buddy Training at New Mexico AIDS Services --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: regrets. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Don't try to do anything. Just be present. Breathe with the person. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: just remained present for the whole process and tried not to get panicky. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: my friend wanted to keep the TV on all the time. I know it was based on fear - but I would hate to die after watching months of television - and avoiding. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: we all laughed. We made awful dark humor jokes right after he died. It was even his mother doing it! But it felt like such a release and we did not feel bad about it. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: ask him some more questions about death & to sit physically closer to him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there while he died, and be there for his mother. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear someone else's story. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I only met my friend because he was sick. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that he had to die in pain. If only he would have gone into hospice I think they would have been more sensitive to his situation (drug abuser). --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt very vulnerable and fragile and cried a lot. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: total repulsion. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: I wish he had gone into hospice. He needed it. I am a hospice volunteer & mentor and know that he would have benefited immensely from hospice, but he wasn't interested. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: had no place. --Religious Affiliation: Goddess spirituality/Interfaith (baptised Catholic) --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: absolutely correct. --Regarding MONEY: we had to go to a city agency to get cremation costs paid for. It felt very cold. --Regarding the FUNERAL: It was a memorial service. It was in a church he would have hated and he would have despised the minister. I think it was really more for his friends and that church comforted them. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: waiting for it to be over. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : discoloration, change in breathing. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': there did not seem to be any, but he had thrush badly in the end and we couldn't understand him that last hour. --RE: Near Death Experiences: no --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: none --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: The Living Will needs to be SPELLED OUT. Everything needs to be written out in triplicate! --Any thoughts about your own death?: I've thought of it often and read A YEAR TO LIVE. I think its extremely important to live life as though you only have a year to live. It's hard to remember that though. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Well, the experience changed my life and I've spent the last two years working for an AIDS organization. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - being a hospice volunteer, this has been nothing new but I'm so pleased it exists! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon May 4 10:17:21 1998 F22 in Newcastle, NSW =Australia= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, yrs14 ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 47. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was terrified of it happening to me --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my half-brother was injured in a car accident and died 18 months later from a heart attack --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the gun used --What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is: it's not something to be afraid of --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my father never had a chance to molest any more young girls --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my sister's love and understanding --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: learning the truth about his life --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: coped with the truth about his life --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i couldn't go to the funeral --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell my father what kind of disastrous effect he had on my life and those of others around me --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... i would have committed suicide due to the years of sexual abuse which would have happened --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried all the time --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: negligence --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: hypocrisy --Religious Affiliation: Anglican --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: very calm and peaceful and RIGHT --Regarding MONEY: we almost went broke due to the expense of the cremation --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: my sexual abuse.My sister is very helpful as she went through it about 10 years before me --If we were to visit one last conversation... i'm sorry.it might help me be better able to cope with the abuse.however,i doubt it --Any thoughts about your own death?: if i had an incurable disease,i would like to be able to experience things that i've alwys be too afraid to try - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 2 23:28:42 1998 M28 in Anaheim, CA =USA= Name: Thomas C. Maresh Email: <tcmaresh-at-apc.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] follwoed psychology links in Yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Director, Customer Service at an ISP, B.A. in Psychology from UC Santa Cruz - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I don't think other people hav ethe same view of death as I do. I don't see it as a bad thing, as you can tell. I don't know how the death of my brothers or parents will affect me. I suppose I will cry because I won't get to share any new experienc es with them. At this time, there are no unresolved issues with any members of my immediate or extended family, so I don't fear any of their deaths. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Bible; The Stranger; The Loved Ones; Recommended Reading-- Writers: God, I suppose; Camus; Can't Remember; - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 76. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the exiting of the life force from the body --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I have always been told that my Grandfathers died before I was born. Other than that, the first new death, other than pets, would have been in my late teens, when older relatives started dying - but they weren't too close to me. Nana (Grandmother on my mother's side) is the only significant death in my life so far. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... Mom told me the neighbors dog had chased our cat into the street and it was struck by a car. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the "reception" (gathering?) after the funeral. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it's a good thing. Our culture, mostly, beleives in God an dlife after death. We should be HAPYY for that dead person. They hav eit better now! --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Nana stopped suffering. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: no support was needed. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: no hard part. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Sometimes, while the body is deteriorating, the mind stays sharp. Nana always complaind that the staff at the hospice treated her like an embicile. Engage the dying person in intelligent and relevant discussions. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: nothing --The most confusing point of death for me was when: no confusion --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: didn't laugh --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Her more of her stories aobut when she was younger working in on Cannery Row. Oh, and pay more attention to Mom and how she was feeling when she was making sure everything was being taken care of. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: nothing special happened. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: nothing. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: nothing. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: don't get teary-eyed --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... no difference, really - she lived 400 miles away. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... it was fair --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could not difficult --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I no trouble accepting. She was suffering for over a year - we expected it. We had just gone up to visit about a month earlier because we knew it would probably be the last time we would get to see her alive. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: see hospice --Regarding HOSPICE etc: respect. The hospice was not afraid to note that something wuld happen right before the death that would seem almost "supernatural." According to my Uncle, Nana was talking about other people in the room for the last few days before her death. The hospice said she would see people who have already died and were waiting for her. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a way to explain death --Religious Affiliation: catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: not sure what you mean --Regarding MONEY: she had a life insurance policy, anbd some other assets. My mother, her brother, and her sister (living in New Zealand) just made sure they split all the bills and/or left over money fairly - (not equally, Uncle did a lot more work, so was given more compensation) --Regarding the FUNERAL: the funeral was very good for the other relaitves and frineds - a sensed closure in their minds --The weirdest part of it all to me was: I didn't sense anything weird --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : In the last hour, Nana suddenly had quite a bit of energy - sitting up (she was bed-ridden), talking, engaging others, etc. The hospice said this would happen. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': as above, Nana did see other dead people in the room in the last few days. She didn't realize they were "ghosts" or whatever, and she didn't recognize any of them. --RE: Near Death Experiences: nope. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: nothing unresolved. --If we were to visit one last conversation... no. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Dead people don't have nay wishes or desires. They have passed on to a new level. Their souls couldn't care less aobut what is happening to their old shells. --Any thoughts about your own death?: If I knew I was going to die soon, I would do something with great risk involved. I twould be a thrilling experience, and if I died - well, I wouldn't be losing much. Of course, I would inform my loved ones first so they could prepare. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I was close to death after a car accident a few years ago. I recovered well - today, I have no symptoms. No rituals. I just went back to school as soon as I could. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Perhaps I take more chances now then before. I was almost killed just being a passenger - just sitting thre, not doing anything out of the ordinary. I don't want to miss out on any great experiences being too cautious. I could die tomorrow in another freak accident. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Other: just knowing that these things happen. I hated the dog, though. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - nothing special. No new discoveries. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? not sur ewhat this means: Many people feel that there is something about death which transcends religion and culture, that regardless of where we're born, what language we speak, what religious faith we may or may not practice, still there is common link of Spirit in all Deaths. To me and my experience, this broader view of Spirit feels: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 2 18:28:38 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 15 yrs ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: 71. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I knew I would never be the same. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... My grandmotehr, whom I lived with died when I was 8 yrs old. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: That they never come back, and that people move on, and I don't seem as able to. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: That it's ok to admit we are afraid of it, and not to expect to understand. Also a mistake that is made is the belief in a god or heaven, however, I can understand that people may use this as a coping method. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: NOPE, this has never been experienced by me. Death is a loss. Human conciousness is way to valuable. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Nothing --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: That others seem to get over it, and I felt left alone to deal with the reality of the experience. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: never got over it. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Others went on with their lives --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt the emptiness, though somewhat dulled now, still exist today. The emptuness is not only for myself, but also for the grief experienced by others who have just lossed a loved one. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat May 2 00:37:26 1998 F19 in Duluth, Minnesota =USA= Name: Christine Egan Email: <cmegan-at-csbsju.edu> Web: http://WWW.users.csbsju.edu/~cmegan - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] Yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Nursing Major - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 7 ago. Cause of Death: epilepsy; Aged: 2 1/2. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when a human stops living. The soul has risen from the body into heaven and we mourn the loss of our friends and relatives. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was in complete shock and denial. I isolated myself from everyone. I burried myself in school work and after school activities. --That first time, how it happened was It was my brother who died of complications of epilepsy --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the whispers of classmates in the halls as I'd walk by, and the sad and condescending looks my teachers would give me in class. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Death is not necessarly a bad thing. The deceased has gone on (hopefully) to a much better place where they are happy, and can run and play, and talk and make friends. . .things they may not have been able to do on Earth because of their illness. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: receiving a boquet of flowers from some girls I hardly knew. I was grateful to know that someone cared and was thinking about me. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: myself. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the emptiness of the house for the next few years, and watching as my parents packed away his stuff and turned his room into a storage area. --[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: was able to keep going even when things got very bad. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: my best friend was telling me a joke at his funeral, and I laughed outloud. That made no sense to me. Here I was at the darkest, saddest point in my life, and I was *laughing*? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Laughing and crying are very similar reactions to stress. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: ----I have no regrets----- --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: spend all my time with my brother while he was still alive. We played together all the time; he got all my attention when I was at home. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I was able to sit through a class and not think of my brother's death. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I have to tell the story to my close friends here at college, or if Christmas comes around and we hang his picture up on our Christmas tree. I miss him. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would have a brother in about the 6th grade. He'd be developmentally challanged, and possibly deaf and/or blind. We'd still have in-home nursing care, and my mom wouldn't have been able to spend the time with us that she has since the death. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... The boy was too damn young. He wasn't even 3 yet. There are so many bad people in the world, why couldn't God take one of them instead? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could ------- --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt so scared and lost. What was going to happen to us now? What's mom going to do with his toys and his nurses? --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: -------- --Regarding HOSPICE etc: ----------- --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: not too much. It was nice that our Catholic community mourned with us, but I was in 7th grade, going through all the "Is there really a God" type of questions. --Religious Affiliation: Roman Catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: ========= --Regarding MONEY: ----------- --The weirdest part of it all to me was: when I actually spoke to my brother through a medium. He was happy, and running, and playing with friends. And I got to tell him how we all love him and miss him so much. I was so happy for him. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy Also we did a seance with my friends and "contacted" my brother What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri May 1 08:39:02 1998 F18 in woodhaven, michigan =wayne= Name: nursing assistant - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: 150 hour course& clinical - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 months ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 18. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was not old enough to understand fully that my grandma was not coming back. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...It was my grandmother, iwas a young child and did not understand death very well. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: all the sadness. This boy had a million friends we all gathered in his memory for a candle lit cermony where his car crashed. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: everybody supported eachother. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: that he was not coming back he is gone forever --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: knew that it must of been his time. even though he was only 18yrs. old he will still expierence life in a better place, he will be very peaceful and never forgotten. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i thought he was only 18 yrs old he is too young to die, i could not accept that he was gone and i wanted him back --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to tell him how important our friendship was and that i loved him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there for the cermony's and funeral and to support my friends. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i see the accident sight(which i pass everyday on the way to school) or watch the home viedos --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... we would be planning some type of activity or party he would definatly be workin on making people laugh. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that my friend had to die, he is so young and such a cheerful person the life of the party. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see him one more time... --Regarding the FUNERAL: the turnout of the peopleand the closed casket --The weirdest part of it all to me was: its just a dream --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i had made a viedo tape in his honar with live footage and still pictures- we sold the tape and donated the money to a scholarship fund for future college students. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Current contributions. See Apr 98 contributions. See Mar 98 contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
