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See  Current   contributions.
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hu Apr 30 16:03:10 1998
F44 in pawhuska, oklahoma =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  Actually I do alot of browsing and like to fill out surveys and questionaires,
thats how I found you. 
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Prof/Studies: Homemaker 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age.;  Aged: 90 some years old..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     something that is going to happen to us all.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     How my grandmother died. I didnt get to go to her funeral, but I
had thoughts of her.I missed her tremendously and cried and cried,
my huband helped me get thru it all.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my family and friends
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell my grandmother I loved her

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     keep her in my prayers and in my thoughts and all the good times
I used to have as a child  when I went to visit her.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Still has not  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    People's Stories, etc. 

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Thu Apr 30 13:37:04 1998
F49 in Frankfort, Ky =USA=
Email: <mary.glasscock-at-mail.state.ky.us>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Social Worker 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 15 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     releasing our enegry from this body to go on to other experiences,
prehaps another body.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was a small child, less than 5 years old.  All the family had
gathered at the house, there was crying, but no one seemed to be
really, really upset.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My grandfather, who was 83 at the time, died
	at home.  It was in November, there was a fire in the wood burning
	cookstove.  Relatives had been gathering all day.  He died early in
	the evening.  My great aunt - his sister in law held me in her lap.
	We were just behind the cookstove, it was cold outside but warm
	there in the kitchen.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how my father went from a vibrate energtic man to an old shriveled
up person I did not know in less than 3 months.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is part of living, that death is no more than a gateway to
the next adventure.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     peaceful my father appeared in his last hours of life.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     is my own personal belief of death.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the pain and suffering my father went through before he died.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     acceptance of the process, of support in how that person wishes
to die.
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     wasn't traumatized by it, that it wasn't ugly or unnatural.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Early on, when told that the cancer was terminal.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Ask more questions about how my father felt about situations he
encounter in life, not just what happened but what did it mean
to him.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     go fishing one last time with my father.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     at the funeral home, his former deputies sent flowers in the shape
of a sheriff's badge.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I realize that my father won't be in the local resturant. or I
won't hear him fuss because someone has misplaced his tools.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     go away for awhile and come back after everything has been sorted
out.
 
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     if you got the money you get the treatment,  if you don't have the
money or the insurance, you get patronized.  We had the money but
dad refused to spend alot of it on health care.  He didn't trust
the medical community, which is quite ironic, since mother is a
registered nurse!
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Hospice was a positive experience.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.  I was raised a Methodist, in a Catholic community,
married a Baptist.  The rites and rituals are no comfort to me.
My spirituality is more than what is defined by any of the above
religions.  There is a supreme being who watches over us.  But in
my opinion most organized religions are political organizations
whose leaders use the confines of their religion to control the
public/society.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     Dad was very concerned with his estate and leaving mother 'taken'
care of.  This was a great annoyance for us children as my father
and mother were very, very middle class with no debts.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     a blur..... people were shocked by how my father looked, I was
irritated by people looking at the flowers.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     my mother's anger.  She didn't love my father, was mad that he would
not remove himself to a nursing home to died in a civilized manner.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     none
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     when I was pregnant with my second child, I dreamed I was swimming,
I dived off the bank and hit my head on the bottom, which broke
my neck.  The water rolled me over on my back, the sun was shinning
through the water, beautiful yellow light through the blue green
water, I could feel the back of my head hit the bottom of the river
bed as I the water carried me along.  I could see fish swimming
above me.  It was peaceful, beautiful, there was no fear of dying,
I knew I was dying and it was joyful.
 
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I have outlined my funeral, there will be no 'ring around the
coffin'.  I will not be buried but cremated, but I will have a rock
with my name on it.  Vanity, Vanity all is but vanity.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     At Times I am scared, but it is about the unknown.  Death is just
an event in my life.  Pain....now that scares me.  I don't think I
have a very good tolerance for pain.  The fear of being pain scares
me more than death.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     and my own beliefs.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     interesting,,,, I would be very interested in others' responses.
does age and gender make a difference in people's responses?
What about race?  How do people who were raised in Western religious
cultural respond to the questions vs. people who were raised in
Eastern religious cultures.
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Wed Apr 29 23:06:57 1998
F26 yrs. in Clarkston, MI =USS=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Social Worl/Sociology 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  10 months ago.
Cause of Death: renal cancer;  Aged: 59 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of one's existance.  Causation can be intentional or
nonintentional, but is inevitable for all species.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was afraid.  I actually was creeped out by it.  I had nightmares
for weeks and was afraid to be alone.  I couldn't stand the dark.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...A close friend's grandmother died.  I didn't
	know her well--in fact, I barely knew her.  However, this was my
	first experience at a funeral home and with death.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the nurse turning to my mother and saying "he's gone".  I remember
his hands, tattoo, warmth.  I remember everyone crying.

--What I think my (USS) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     There is no time limit to the mourning of one's death.  I think
people tend to want us to get over the grief already. Almost a
year later, I sometimes feel worse than I did the day Dad died.
Society needs to learn how to stop making families and friends feel
obligated to stop grieving.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     He died peacefully.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Talking to Dad before sleeping every night.  The belief that we
are still connected helps keep me sane.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     He couldn't attend my wedding.  Sometimes I feel that if I postponed
the wedding, it would have given him something to work towards.
Knowing that he would no longer see or be a part of my life is
the hardest.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Just hold him.  Touch him.  Reassure him that it's o.k. to go.
Never make him feel that he has to continue living if it was
too hard.
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Learned to discount problems that I once thought were significant.
The daily stressors that we encounter just seem so petty now compared
to having to lose Dad.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The doctors would not be honest with his condition.  They led us
to believe that he would eventually recover.  It wasn't until the
close to his death that they told us it was over.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     People shouldn't feel guilty for feeling happy after someone dies.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Let Dad know how much I respect his work ethics and the way he
intensely valued those things that were important to him. I wish
we could have gone to one more baseball game together.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Provide support to others who were also mourning Dad's death.
I'm glad I could hold it all together because I really worried how
much this would affect my mental state.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     panicked.  I wondered if I should also die so I could be with him.
The thought of him being alone, with all of his family here, broke
my heart.  I wanted so bad to be with him.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 
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Wed Apr 29 13:47:32 1998
F16 in , North Carolina =Untied States=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 2 1/2 months ago.
Cause of Death: gun shot wound to neck (loss of blood);  Aged: 35.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When someone goes away forever and there is no way to get them back.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't deal with it very well.

--That first time, how it happened was
     Cousin was murdered while working one night.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     everyone was sad and in disbelief.  she died so suddenly and in such
a brutal way and left behind 2 teenage children.  it was incredibly
scary to think about it.

--What I think my (Untied States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that the spirit leaves the body and then the body is just then
a carcuss.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Death can sometimes be good, like when someone is suffering and
in agony.  They are going to a much better place than they are in
here (on earth)

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking about it with family and friends
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the fact that she died so brutally and left behind 2 teenage children
and was such a good person who tried to help everyone that she could
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     just talk to them  and  touch them, even though they may not show
any external response, they will know that you are there (their
heart rate will increase)
 
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     It is very, very hard.  Everyone in the family just needs to be
there for each other and never take each other for granted.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Her daughter and father both said that she returned and talked to
them after she had died

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     we would sit around my aunt's table afterwards and just tell stories
about special things that we remember about her.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     gone to the bar this past New Year's Eve.  I always went up there for
that, but this year I just changed my mind at the very last minute.
I also wish that I would have kissed her at the funeral home.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be there for my aunt, uncle,  and also my cousin's (the one who
was killed) two kids
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     we were all there and able to pull together and talk about things.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     the thing that gets to me most is thinking about holidays.  We were
a close family who got together for all holidays ever since I can
remember, not this year, there is going to be that empty chair.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     That would be great.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     "Why her?  She did nothing but help everyone"

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     stop getting so emotional about it
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     just sat there and cried while I was thinking about past times and
her not being there for the future.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     there was nothing that the medical community could do.  They did
emergency surgery to close it and stop the bleeding, but nothing
helped.  They tried all that they could though and when nothing
worked, they made her as comfortable as possible.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Hospice wasn't involved with this death, but I have volunteered
for a hospice and I think that it is a great thing.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     that we knew that she was in a better place.  Church is a place to
turn to when you have questions and need spiritual guidance about
something like this.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     christened Methodist.  But I have been to Lutheran, Methodist,
Gospel, and many other kinds of churches.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     The part of death that is universal, is that it is forever.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     She was murdered in her parent's bar.  They shut that down so
that lost them some money.  They were not able to do anything with
the property that they had sitting so they lost money on that too.
Then they had all of the funeral costs, and the expenses (car, house,
kids) of my cousin to take care of too!  It was not just one thing
that caused a money hardship then, it was a whole lot of things.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     It was huge......this was a highly televised murder case and
everyone loved her.  The funeral procession was incredibly HUGE.
The funeral home was packed and there were so many people standing
there at the grave site.  We were in a big cemetary and there were
still cars on all of the streets, both sides.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     When I found out that they were doing an autopsy on her. I could not
imagine someone that I loved and cared about being cut up like that,
especially when they already knew that she had been shot in the neck.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     n/a

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't know if that happened to her while she was dying, but both
her daughter and father said that she visited them within days after
she died to tell them that it would be alright and not to worry.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     The closest that I have come with thi sexperience is watching it
on the Montel Williams show.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     we never had any bad or unresolved issues.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I think that i would just say that I love her and she meant a lot
to me.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I would definately want my loved ones to follow my dying
wishes........no matter how strange or common they may seem.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would not want to know if I was going to die soon.  I just want
to make the most out of everyday and touch as many people's lives
as possible.  I just hope that I have an easy death, like in my
sleep or something.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     as for closure, we have not found that yet, but the thing that
helped me the most to deal with it was just to be with family and
friends and we all talked about our great memories of her.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     the way that this has affected me the most, is that I never take
anyone or anything for granted, nothing is guaranteed in life except
for death.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     I take sleeping pills to sleep at night


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 
     Afraid that it could soon happen to me or someone that is close to me
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It made me think about some things that I havent' really thought
about before.
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Wed Apr 29 10:30:37 1998
F48 in Atlanta, GA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Diabetes;  Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     ceasing to function in our current state of exsistance.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     very young and did not know the person.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...It was my grandfather. His health had declined.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     I was able to carry on the necessary business of affairs. I did
not want my Mom's face covered while see remained in our house,
nor did I want the door to her room closed. She never closed it
when she was alive.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     The living must be unselfish and let the person go.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I was released from the stress of watching my Mom suffer.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     That God would get me through it all.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     People say, : I'm sorry, I know how you must feel."
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     LISTEN! Say nothing, just listen!
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Moved on with my life after one good cry.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     It appear my whole world was crumbling before me.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Laughing was ok!
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     To give some of her friends hell. they offered such stupid advise.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Function
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I could still think clearly!
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Sibling rivalries.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I go to the cemetary.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     We'd just be together!

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     for her to suffer any long than she has to.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Scream!
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     had arrived home. Saw my Mom in her bed. She looked as though she
was asleep. She was still warm. All the wivestales were finally
put to rest.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     They did their best!
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     N/A
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Telling the pastor that my Mom requested him not to "be all day"
preaching her funeral.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Baptist
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     God loves me, more now than ever!
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     I decided to give everyone an equal or near equal share.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Six of my former boyfriends were there. They were all trying to
get close to me at one time.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I prayer God would take her and stop her suffering.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     When they start to see vision or others who previously died.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     My Mother finally gave up and change her mind set that her children
would be alright.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     N/A
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     N/A

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I'd be glad to see them. Hope they are well and ask for winning
Lottery numbers.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     My Mom requested certain thing. I made every effort to carry them
out to the fullest.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't really want to know. God will move in His own time. I hope
when my time comes He will just take me and I'll just go.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I did the best I could to make her last days comfortable.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Death of a parent makes a kid grow up fast. You realize that your
cruch is no long there and you need to stand on your own two feet.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Crying and Crying 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I'm in school and I'm writing a paper on Death. It gave me ideas
to draw from. I enjoyed the over all experience of thinking for a
few minutes about my Mom.

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Wed Apr 29 08:46:06 1998
F37 in Derby,  =UK=
Name: Ruth
Email: <ruth.jacob-at-ntu.ac.uk>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Administrator 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 13  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke;  Aged: 89.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when the person's body stops working and the real person is no
longer there.  It's a permanent separation: some say the person
ceases to exist, others that they continue in another form, but
whatever happens, you'll never see that person again.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was dazed, it took a long time to sink in.  Someone said of the widow
at the funeral, "It was as though she looked through everyone."
As a child I took that in a rather spooky sense and consequently
had nightmares concerning the deceased for many years.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was a former neighbour who was a family friend and
	had an important part in my formative years died of lung cancer.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     calling out, "I love you" to him as I held his hand and he breathed
his last, the scene at the funeral with music written by him.

--What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It's not yukky, spooky or scary in itself.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking with my mother about my father, listening to his music and
crying together - we still miss him and talk about him.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the delayed reaction.  I didn't really start grieving until 7 months
after his death.  Also, because of that, I had no concept of what
my mother was going thruogh and one of the great regrets of my life
is not having been there to support her during her early widowhood.
  
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was able to work his hopes and expectations for me out of my system,
learn my own capabilities in those areas and then move on to become
a separate person in my own right.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was at the funeral.  Other things were going on at the same time
and I wasn't able to attend to grieving properly.  This probably
messed up the whole process for a while.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     the funeral had been very intense, there were unrelated events at
the same time and I switched off from the funeral.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to him more, do more to make him happy

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear certain music or read his letters, either to me or to
my mother.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I'd have someone I could talk to about the really difficult things.
He wasn't afraid to face issues fairly and talk them through.
He didn't allow dogma to cloud his judgment or make him shy away
from reality.  I've looked for other people who are intelligent and
unafraid to think all these years to discuss things with, without
very much success.  I'd keep in touch with him, take an interest
in him and what he had to say.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     tell him how I really felt about him, how I admired him, what
heritage he's given me, what the years with him has made me.
I didn't know how to express those things then, or my affection.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried a lot, kept playing his music, talking about him.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     resignation.  Some members of the profession were marvellous, others
didn't bother to lift him properly but dragged instead.  But it was
clear that the stroke was severe and nothing could repair the damage.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     very little despite being a devout Christian at the time, because
I didn't know where my father stood.  The best the clergyman could
say was that we would make a 'charitable assumption' that he had
been received into heaven.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     At present, no particular affiliation, but believe in a loving and
wise God
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     No.  I can't see it in that way.  There is of course the universal
experience of grief, and most people will reflect on the meanings
of life and death at the time of death.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The lack of willingness of a particular clergyman to conduct the
funeral, on the basis we didn't live in his parish, despite the fact
we had attended his church for some years.  In the end a much more
distinguished man of the cloth did it (also not of our parish).

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     eating for the first time after the death.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the loss of the will to live, an acceptance of death, comments
about visits from people who have died previously (when that hasn't
happened before)

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     we don't know whether this happened to my father, because the stroke
that was the cause of his death rendered him unable to use language
in any form.  However, a close friend of my grandmother's had these
experiences and mentioned them a number of times during my mother's
visits to her.  The visitors were friends she'd known in her church
who had been particularly spiritual people.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     If he is being looked after by a loving God, then he will know by
now how I felt about him.  I don't need to do anything about it.
I don't believe in going to seances, etc.  I did once ask God to
pass on my feelings.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I'd definitely want to tell him I loved him and admired him and thank
him for teaching me to have an independent mind, which was probably
one of the most special things he did for me.  I don't think he
would be able to tell me much about the afterlife but I might ask.
I think I'd sort of want his blessing on my future and to know he
accepted and loved me.  I'd ask for anything helpful or consoling I
could say to my mum.  If we had time I'd talk about all the events
in our lives since I'd last seen him.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     We should be clear in our wills about what kind of funeral we want,
especially if it might be rather different from one our family
might plan.  It's important for the sake of those close to you to
make things absolutely clear in the will about what should happen to
the estate, to make sure they don't have to sort it out when you're
not there to clarify it.  This is especially true when there is more
than one main heir, or when the will says something unexpected or
unconventional or the estate is not going to the next of kin.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I thought it was going to happen once.  Despite my religious
beliefs at the time, my thoughts were of sadness at leaving the
people I loved.  I didn't really think about the pain of dying,
nor fear or hope for what was on the other side of death, though
I did have some fear of the process of dying.  I think if I knew
for sure I was going to die soon I would try to visit everyone who
means anything to me and tell them  how I felt about them.  I'd try
to put right relationships that had gone wrong.  I'd want to tell
people that they weren't going to see me any  more, but so that we
could say goodbye properly, not so they could feel sorry for me.
I'd be thinking, too, about what I was going to take with me -
the person I am, my trust in God.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     dealt with it many years later through dream therapy.  Now: talking,
crying, remembering, looking at/listening to something they produced,
e.g. letters, music.  For my own death:  avoiding it as long as
possible, learning from life experiences, belief that nothing bad
beyond death


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     hellfire doctrines
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I think you've got a lot of very good questions, particularly the
one about explaining it to an alien.  I had thought a lot about
the issues already, so there wasn't much new material.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     what hindered you in dealing with death?  It wasn't clear to me
whether you meant dealing with another person's death or my own.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 28 22:11:08 1998
F43 in mooresville, Indiana =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: CDA 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Angels Among us    / Life After death experiences 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Max Lucado 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  21 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Diabetes;  Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Never to be of this earth again. To cease all functions. A deep
sleep which you never wake from.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was very young . I had troouble understanding how they could be
gone forever. But was told they went to heaven. With Mother I was
in disbelief, it was so painful that to this day I have problems
dealing with it. i want to believe she is in heaven looking down
on us. And now I'm reaching 43 and I wonder if the same is going
to happen to me. Since I am very ill and have been for man y years.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandfather died when i was five. Then
	My great aunt whom I was very attached to died. i had rouble
	understanding how she could be gone to us.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     How peacefl her face was. How very young she was,and that I will
never hear her voice again. Yellow sweetheart roses.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     What the body really is going through. Does the mind know , or the
soul soar.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
      That there was people htere to help. Also the day of the funeral
 some strange thing happened . It had been snowing like the devil and
 the wind was horrible , I walked out of the tomb where they had to
 hold Mother until the ground thawed and it was as tho I was being
 held in front of the place frozen . The wind and snow stopped and
 the sun shone so bright it warmed be all the way through. I felt
 like it was Mother's spirit telling me it was alright. Then that
 was it. The sun stayed out and it quite snowing.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     From family we held together.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Never being able to hold he . or callher up . Or her ever seeing the
grandchildren . many times I picked up the phone to call her before
i thought. To this day i have trouble with Mothers death. When I
need her to help with all the sorrow of now. or to shae the joy.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I can't answer this . Because i could not see her die. i had said I
love you and she told me how special I was. Being the first child. i
could not of bared seeing my Mother died right before me.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Daddy called me to say she died, then the last day

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     To of gone back to the hospital and say I love you , Mother please
fight,

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     mother looked so peaceful without any pain. So happy
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     It hrts I have never got over it

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and cried

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     That i or they have gone to another place of peace , tranquility. To
be able to see our blessed Savior.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

     Fear that i have sinned and won't get to go to heaven. Even though I
know the Lord forgives I wonder if my sins will send me to hell. And
this causes me to be afraid of death.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 28 18:25:14 1998
F45 in Franklin, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  looked under contests, but this seemed more interesting
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes;  Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the physical person ceases to function but the spirit moves on

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     saw them clearly in the room as a spirit, i was 13

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandfather, who lived next door, died on
	Christmas day, 1966. He had cancer for a few yrs.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     a strong sense of peace and the feeling that all around me others
were grieving, and i wondered why i did not feel the same type
of sadness

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is either a doorway to another spititual place, or nothingness,
eitherway there is no suffering

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     no more physical suffering and pain

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     what i perceived a actual proof, in books and articles written
by dr.s and other professionals, that there is clear evidence of
something not physical that survives death.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
      i  could no longer communicate with them on this plane
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     touch and speak to the person, and if they tell you something,
such as their dead relatives or angels are there, listen!
 
--[My relative's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     communicated with them for some time after death, in dreams and
waking visions

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I felt the person's presence, but my eyes told me they were gone

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ask that they give me a sign they are still watching over me

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     began to look for the meaning of the transistion, as i believe it
to be

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     how much crap is surrounding death in this culture, and how many
stupid laws and traditions, like embalming someone who is to  be
creamated
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     earth-based or pagan
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     the most likely, we are all here together in the flesh and will be
together in spirit
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it was one last way to extract money from someone, but it didn't work
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     i knew my dad would have hated every minute of a conventional
funeral, so we all joined hands in a park, and scattered his ashes
in the river, near his favorite place

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Allthough I was not aware of it when my dad died, when my grandmother
passed on, she told us that my brother who was deceased, was there
and we should not worry
 
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I think if the person is in pain, they should be made comfortable,
with no fear of their getting addicted to meds, so that they can
say goodbye and tell their loved ones whatever they need to. I also
think their last wishes should be respected, even if it means doing
something others think is strange or silly, like going for a long
drive, or seeing a pet again.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would be concerned for those i am leaving behind, other than that,
i am truly not afraid

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I have had experiences that prove to me death is a doorway


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I feel you should offer to let us, those who do not fear dying,
answer questions from those who have fear

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 28 16:20:56 1998
F23 in New York, New York =USA=
Name: Sherry Dean
Email: <mo10001-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Receptionist/Freshman in college 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: heartattack;  Aged: 47.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Final. Unknowing and scary. You never know when, how, or where it
will happen. Or if you will ever see your loved ones again.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was a highly upset. It was my uncle, I really did not understand
death I just knew it was something bad and everybody always cried.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my uncle had cancer and he was on a trip to
	Florida and at this time he was very ill. I, being as young as I was,
	was unaware how ill he was. He died on an airplane

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     That no none called me to tell me. I found out by accident when I
called her house on Christmas To wish the family a happy holiday and
I was told what had happened. Then my family was highly insensitive
because they did not understand our relationship.  I live in New
York and she lived in Buffalo and I could only call once in a while
because I could not afford it. I was told about 4-5 months after
she died that she died.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I saw that my family was truly selfish and they did not even care
to try and cosole me.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     praying and asking God to relay a message to my loved ones.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not knowing if we would ever see each other again.
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     My aunt died and I still seem to feel as though I am unable to
believe it.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Say goodbye or at least be able to attend the funeral.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Someone mentions my friends back home or at least the hardships I
had went through when she was the only one that had supported me.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Give up, move back home and go back to my old life.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and wanted to talk to someone, but then I began to think of
her to sons that are still very young. And also that her immediate
family was the cause of her death.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     A second home, a place where people commune to support eachother
and to praise God.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Baptist - past Non-denominational - present
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     Our closeness started to fade when I moved away. I would pray that
if we ever see each other again perhaps we can renew our friendship.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would just want to say goodbye and ask them what is death like.
 I would know that she was at peace.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I talk as if the person is surrounding me, as if they can hear
me. Or I will ask God to allow them to come to me as a spirit so
I could say Goodbye 4 now and that I love You.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Crying and Crying 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It helped me get some hurt feelings off my chest

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 28 13:37:28 1998
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the loss of  life

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     couldn't understand it

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the flowers, and what my great grandmother had given me

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that its llife

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the way everyone pulled together

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the BIBLE
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not seeing them where they always used to be. like a house
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     why it can't be prevented

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 28 00:47:51 1998
F26 in perth, west australia =australia=
Name: andreia pillai
Email: <andreias-at-cyllene.uwa.edu.au>
   Web: http://WWW.general.uwa.edu.au/u/andreias
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  survey says page
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: research assistant, neurobiology 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of idol Public Figure, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;  Aged: 36.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     never seeing that person again, never touching him or hear him talk,
 death is like leaving and never having any contact ever again,
it is final

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was scared, and hurt, I knew i would never see him again or talk
to him or joke with him, and i was worried that he might have felt
pain during the process or dying, i cried for that pain as well

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandfather died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that i couldn't believe it.  the idea just did not want to sink in,
it was such an unexpected shock

--What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     i don't really know, there seems to be too much violent death in
this world so much so that youngsters accept it as part of everyday
life.  While dying may be part of life, violent death shouldn't be.
 death should be like a closing act of a long life not an abrupt end

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that i was old enough to remember some of the times I spent with
him and death has no gift to those left behind nor for those who
died unless it is to release them from the pain of some illness

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     time... and crying. the pain sort of gets buried under everyday
life but is not gone
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     was the knowledge that they would never be around to make jokes
with, to laugh to hear the music and see the beauty of nature to
just be alive!
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     make more memories with them

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     remembering him

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     what is the use of thinking of what might have been, it just makes
it hurt even more

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he was taken away from us

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     forget it ever happened
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was hurting so much, for them, for myself

--Religious Affiliation:
     sort of Catholic (don't agree with a lot of the church rules but
this is the closest religion to what I believe in - does this
make sense??)
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     i wasn't alloed to attend because it was felt i was too young

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     last time i saw him he was sick but to my young eyes it didn't seem
like he was near death, and then a few days letter he was gone,
and all i could think of was that I saw him alive he can not be dead!

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     never had one and i find it so hard to believe - i want to but
logically... i really wish it was true
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     if I had any unresolved issues i would talk to them either near
their grave or in a quiet place where i thought they would be able
to hear me, and even though there is no response i know they believe
me because they can see inside my heart and they know i am telling
the truth

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would tell them that i love them very much and that i will miss
them and that they will always live on in my heart  i would like to
hear from them that they love me as well and that they will always
be with me in spirit, and that if it would have been possible they
wouldn't have left this life

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     i believe that the wishes of the dying should be respected regardless
of what the family's wishes are. the most important things that
come to mind are children and organ donation.  as a future mother i
would like my children brought up according to my wishes and morals
and i realise this would be very hard to acomplish but at least the
family should try and follow those wishes. As for organ donation,
i decide what i want to do with my kidneys and cornea and the rest
and no family member can override that wish.  I find it very hard
to comprehend why people are so against organ donation, what do
they care anyway... they are dead!!!  it is very selfish not to
save another life when you have the chance.  if these people were
alive and saw a child drowning, would they let him dron or would
they save him???  so what is the difference with organ donation???
sorry- it is a sore point with me.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i am very scared of it, i don't want to die, i just love this life
too much there is so much to do to see to learn to try partly it is
fear of the unknown, what if there is no heaven or afterlife?? what
if there is nothing but blackness forever?? i would do anything to
stay alive if I knew i was going to die, my first reaction would
be to cry and be angry.  after that i don't know how i would react,
i would probably do all the things i never had the courage to do for
fear of death, i would go wild and enjoy everything to the maximum

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     the thing that keeps me going is that i believe that they are up
there listening to us so i talk to them sometimes and it makes
me feel better, even though I have no proof that there really is
an afterlife, i have to believe that otherwise i wouldn't be able
to cope

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 
     i think I was too young to really understand what it meant, i just
new i would never see him again

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it hasn't really made me rethink about how i feel about death,
but it did clarify some points in my mind, it gave me an idea of
what stepsoccur during and after the death, something which was
not very clear in my mind

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 27 21:14:53 1998
F19 in westville, florida =united states=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;  Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to completely understand my grandmother wasnt coming
back.

--That first time, how it happened was
     my grandmother died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Amanda as she lay inside that casket.  And thinking this must be
a joke she cant be dead.  It is just a dream.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I am still trying to accept her death and that it happened.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     She is never coming back and i missed her phone call a couple
weeks before.
  
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I am totally against drinking and driving.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was told it happened.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     return her phone call

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried uncontrollably

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 27 20:57:17 1998
F26 in Caldwell, Idaho =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Patient Care Coordiantor 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 70's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     where an individuals body ceses all fun=ctiuon necessary to
sustain life

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 14 years old

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...very close friend died from driving drunk,
	he was 15 at the time, his father sent him home because he was so
	drunk he was embarrassing his father, on the way home he rolled
	his vehicle & killed himself

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     feeling of helplessness

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to help children deal with it

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my grandfather is no longer in pain

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the knowledge that even as much as I miss my grandfather, it was
selfish to wish him to remain in pain to keep me happy
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     my mothre, his daughter, does not express emotions at all, so it
is hard to deal with your own emotions when your role model refuses
to deal with her own grief
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     let them know that you love them
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with grandpa

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     when my daughter, who was three at the time of my grnadfathers death,
talks about her great papa, & how much he would have enjoyed his
only great grand child

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     he had so much to live for

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     cancer is one of the worst, n=most painful ways to die
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     we did not have hospice, my grandmother is a nurse & we kept him
at home to die in his own bed
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     no religious affiliation for the family
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     there was no issue with it at the time, my grandparents had
everything preplanned, grandpa had cancer for a long time, so he
had it all planned, after his death, the money really effected my
grandmother, he was a better money manager than her
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     we did not have a funeral, he was cremated, and a private family
memorial was held.  When my grandmother passes away, the ashes
wil be scattered together, right no grandpa is on the mantle in
grandmas house

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     knowing what to say to people, because in my heart I was sad,
but at the same time, I was happy he was comfrotable

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Grandpa thought my daughter was his own daughter, 40 years prior,
before he ever had heart problems, lung problems, or cancer, when
grandma said he was his happiest
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I feel that there will alwasy be unresolved issues with a family,
big ones like hurt feelings, or littel ones like plans for the
weekend, you solve the problems as you go along, you don't plan to
die, you tkae it as you get it, you don;t say things that you would
regret if the person sudenly died, thats common sense, feelings
are to important

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     We all amde a point to say anything we were thinking to grandpa,
so I ahve ne regrets about that, however, when it is my mother,
(& as dumb as this sounds) the one thing I will always need her to
talk to about is advice.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     my daughter, organ donation, cremation, & instead of a boo hoo sad
funeral, I want something where I would have had fun at.  I ralize
everyone will be sad, but istead of dwelling on my death, remember
the good things in my life, & celebrate that I had a good life,
dont dwell on my death

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have already made a will, just in case, the one thing that would
really bug me if I knew I was to die soon was not being able to
watch my daughter grow up, & wondering who would take care of her

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     my daughter picked a star in the sky for grandpa, & when she
feelslike it she talks to him.  Thsi has proven to be very helpful
when friends of the family lost a baby.  Now "Little D' has a star
too, & grandpa is watching him for his parents .  Her uncle now
has a star too, & she has told her fathers side of the family all
about our stars

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I don't tkae my family for granted, I appreciate them a lot more,
my mother has a terminal illness, & every day is important to all
of us, becuase her days are limited

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I ahve never sat down & analyzed how I felt about my grandfatehr
death, or how I will react to moms death, its scary becasue it is
inevitable, & it will cause the greatest amount of grief that I will
have ever experienced, & I am scared that I wont be strong enough
to deal with it, & be of any help to my father, sisters, or daughter

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 27 20:41:21 1998
F21 in Lawton, Oklahoma =USA=
Email: <Ash405-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance,  1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 40's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when our souls go away, our body stops working, and we just don't
exist anymore

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     couldn't breathe and I couldn't believe that that person is actually
gone and I am still on earth, breathing.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my hamster died.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     When I heard it on the phone, I started crying.  I felt stupid
because I was so emotional.  I couldn't believe that that person
was living and breathing only minutes before.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     How it feels.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     everyone remembered this person and though of only the good things.
It was truly a bittersweet moment in a world full of bad things.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     From my fiance.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Watching her husband deal with it.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     don't ask them about it.  If they want to talk, they will.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     how that person was doing AFTER the death...was she looking at me?
Can she read my thoughts?  Is she with her husband?

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     the body has to release emotion somehow.  Laughing just happened
to be the choice at that moment.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     See her one last time.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there when the telephone call came.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     hearing her daughters sob from the front pew during the ceremony.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I have to let go of my fiance.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that people who aren't ready to die are taken anyway.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     see how it really is so I wouldn't be so afraid.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     only thought of what it felt like and how her family was doing.

--Religious Affiliation:
     baptist
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     We buried it which also helped.  Giving it a ceremony was important
to me.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 
     Where do I go after death?  Will I be able to think?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 27 18:37:59 1998
F32 in Dana Point, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Sr. Manager, Marketing 
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	None 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  1 week ago.
Cause of Death: stroke;  Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Final.  There is no proof that the soul exists once the physical body
ceases, and therefore one cannot be sure what happens after death.
One thing is certain - those still living cannot ever communicate
with their loved ones again. This causes great pain and suffering
at the realization that someone who was so loved in this world and
meant so much is now gone forever.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was crushed.  My grandmother raised me from the time I was 3-4
years old.  She was everything to me.  Even after I was married and
had children, I spoke to her on the phone everyday and visited her
every Sunday.  In November, 1996, she suffered a stroke, and for
the next year and 1/2 I drove 100 miles each day to visit her in her
home, take her to her doctors appointments, get her medication, etc.
She was always a huge part of my life.  She passed away about one
week ago, and I am at a loss for what to do.  I ask myself over and
over - Where did she go?  I tell myself - if there is really life
after death, why hasn't she contacted me to let her know she's OK?

--That first time, how it happened was
     My first experience with death came one week ago.  My grandmother,
	who raised me from childhood, passed away as a result of a stroke.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Great sorrow.  And where is my loved one?  Uncertainty of what
happens after death.  Many unanswered questions.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     My fear of death has diminished somewhat.  If my grandmother can
pass through it, so can I.  And, since I have not heard from her
since her pasing, I feel that there probably is "nothingess" after
was pass on, and so nothing to fear as well.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Seeing pictures of my grandmother, a recent video and leters/cards
from her.  Support from my husband did not help, he canot bring
her back.  Now, only proof that she was once here and loved me is
the only thing that helps.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The fact that I do not know where my loved one is - is she OK?
Will I ever see her again?
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Just being there counts for a lot.  My drove over 100 miles a day to
be with my grandmother for over a year and 1/2. This allowed me to
show her how much I loved her, and she truly know it when she died.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     She first passed over.  Again - where is she??  Is she OK??

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Believe me, I have not laughed yet.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Talk to her about death.  Talk to her about God. I told her over
and over again how much I loved her, but never spoke of her death
because I did not want to scare her.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Ensure that my grandmother died at home.  Not in a hospital or
nursing home.  She died in the morning, with my grandfather and
caregiver by her side.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     During times of stress.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     It would be the same as before her death.  I'd still visit & call
all the time. Only, I'd talk more about death and her thoughts on
the subject.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     It's just not fair that others elderly people are still thriving
at 80 - 90 years old, and my grandmother is gone.  It's not fair
that I'm only 32 and have lost the closest person in the world to me.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Bring back my loved one, of course.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I still don't understand. It's only been a week.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Nothing. I do not believe in organized religion.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I wish I has a specific believe about the spirit.  I would feel
much better, I'm sure.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     My grandmother made her funeral arrangements and will prior to
her stroke/death.  Financial issues did not exist.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     My grandmother did not want a funeral.  She made arrangements for
a cremation and scattering of her ashes at sea.  I discussed this
with her once, prior to her stroke, and she felt that her body was
not "her".  She did not want people crying and such over her and
therefore did not want a standard funeral.  At the time I disagreed.
Once she passed on, I was grateful that I did not see her body or
experience a funeral.  My memories are of the day before her passing,
when she was still alive.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Having her here one day - and gone the next.  Again, wondering,
where IS she??

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     The person telling you they are "going" soon.  LISTEN to your loved
one - they know when they are getting ready to pass on.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Boy, I sure do wish I had experienced this.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I have no unresolved issues.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would want to ask her to be sure to contact me after she passes
over, so that I know she's OK.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Create a Living Will.  Make your funeral arrangements.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'm not as fearful anymore, since my grandmother passed over. If
there happens to be an afterlife, then I look forward seeing
her again.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I found a small "hand bag" of my grandmothers, and in it I placed
a few pictures, a ring and a card from her. I keep this with me
everywhere I go.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 27 14:22:47 1998
F16 in Brick, New Jersey =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Student -- want to major in Recreational Therapy 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle,  7 months  ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer ;  Aged: 46.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     A release of the soal to a better place.  The soul is an etheral
being that can go on forever.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     took it relatively well.  I mean my great-grandma, who I wasn't
particularly close with, was the first death that I remember everyone
just told me that she was in a better place, and hey, I was gullible.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... within six months of each other, my great
	grandmother, great grandfather, great aunt and uncle passed away.
	the uncle was the hardest to deal with losing.  He was no spring
	chicken, but we aren't talking 70 or older.  My uncle had the same
	genetic condition that I have that will eventually lead to Cancer.
	That was the hardest part of the whole thing -- watching his battle
	with Cancer for four years and then him losing in the end anyway.
	I don't want to go through that -- not that anyone does, though.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     seeing my Dad cry for the third time in my entire life -- completely
devastating.  I mean I was ignorant and thought that Dad had
to be the strong one -- but he was the one who lost the brother,
friend and confidant.  It was just hard, you look to Dads to be the
pillar of the family, but at this particular time, he just lost it.
And there's nothing wrong with that, it was just very uncomfortable.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Not to prolong it.  When my uncle died, my aunt had him on all this
herbal stuff after we knew that he was going to die.  I have never
been in the shoes of losing a spouse, but I would like to think
that if I was the one who was dying and I told everyone just to
get me hooked up with the hospice and to let me go, I would hope
that is what they would do.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That all the people I have loved and lost have lived a good life.
They may have gone to the grave with regrets, but they were
productive, relatively happy members of society.  They went to
their graves with their heads held high -- at least that is my
understanding of the situations.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My journaling.  I couldn't have gotten throught these experiences
without some sort of release.  Well, actually, the journaling and
my music. There is a song for every emotion or feeling that I have.
Music has also meant a lot.  Sorry, I know that's two, but I couldn't
decide.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Realizing my own mortality.  It was devastating.  At the time my
uncle died, I was in the early stages of a chronic illness and I
had begun to realize that I wouldn't live forever, but my uncle
dying was the straw that broke the camel's back -- so to speak.
I just realized that my soul will go on, but the body won't.
  
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Accepted it.  And moved on.  My brother has this famous saying
"Acknowledge and move on."  Well, it's true, my uncle is gone from
earth, but there is another angel in heaven watching over my family
and I now.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The funeral.  Everyone was talking about how good the corpse looked.
I was like "Hello, he's dead!"  Why do people do that?  I guess
there are just these long drawn out silences that people feel they
need to fill.  It was just disturbing seeing the body in the casket
(open).  It was hard to acknowledge that part of him was there -- the
physical -- but the emotional/soul part of him was in a better place.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Well, my cousins and I made up a list of "The Top 10 Things Not to
Say/Do at a Funeral."  But, part of my personal healing process is
making light of things.  Sarcasm is a major part of my life.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     To make amends with my uncle and his family sooner.  We always kept
in touch over the internet for medical reasons, but only once my
uncle was diagnosed with Cancer did he come back into the live's
of the rest of the family.  We never officially knew what drove
them away from the three other siblings, and we're not going to
ask now.  But, there was about 5 years we had virtually no contact
with my Uncle and his immediate family.  There is definitely a void
from that.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Stay calm and cool for my aunt and cousin during the weeks that
preceded and followed my uncle's death.  I just hoped that my
immediate family and I were able to be there for my aunt and cousin
when they needed someone to lean on.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     My aunt taking off my uncles rings.  That was extremely disturbing.
That was the wake-up call that he was really gone.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Mass Cards.  My aunt, cousin and uncle are very devout Catholics
so many people sent mass cards.  Everyone thought it was a nice
gesture, I'm just not into that formalized religion thing, I guess.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Just recently, my father was diagnosed with Cancer.  The same type
of Cancer that my uncle died from.  It was devastating.  My father
didn't shave for a couple days and my uncle always had a beard and
when dad was looking all scruffy, it was looking at my uncle and my
grandfather who also died of Cacner.  I am trying to have faith that
because my father's Cancer was diagnosed earlier than my uncle's
Dad will be better off.  But this Cacner business is just pouring
salt into the wounds that aren't quite healed from my uncle's death.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think that that would be a world of delusion.  For me and my
family, Cancer is a reality.  Its just part of everyday life.  And,
to me, Cancer is normalcy.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     That I never got to officially say goodbye.  you hear that so often,
I'm sure, and it sounds so corny, but its true.  I just hope my
uncle knows how much we all love him and miss him.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Say those important things like "I love you." to the people that
I have lost.  I not very good about talking about my emotions,
and this is no exception.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Just worried about my cousin and Aunt.  My cousin is only a year
older than I am and I can't picture losing my Dad.  My uncle had
always been the provider for his family, and now he was gone.
That was the hardest -- realizing that my aun and cousin were on
their own.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Remorse.  Medical Science does too much sometimes.  Let's face,
it we are all going to die someday, there is a quality of life
issue that should be taken into consideration as well.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Very good.  The hospice nurses were there right when my uncle died.
I have the utmost respect for people in this professtion.  It meant
a lot to my father to have his brother have a dignified death.
If there is such a thing.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Very little.  As far as I am concerned, there is definitely a
higher power, what exactly I haven't determined.  But, I know that
the soul goes to a better place and when you die, you get to meet
up with all the people that you have loved and lost.  At least,
that's what I like to believe -- its a comfort.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     My parents and brother are very involved with the Presbyterian
Church.  I was raised in that faith, but never confirmed, as per
my coice.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Very comforting.  As I mentioned before, I like to believe that when
you die you get to meet up with all the people that you have lost.
I look forward to that.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     The inheritance and insurance policies.  My uncle was a little
anal about making sure that his family was provided for, but now
that my cousin is ready to go to college and the money that they
recieved from the will has to support them, it is a very stressful
experience for them.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     My Dad's co worker, who, there is no way to put it, showed up in
a Limo.  This guy had never met my uncle and just wanted my Dad
to do some work for him.  Doesn't that just give you a warm, fuzzy
feeling all over?

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Definitely, definitely the open casket -- very disturbing.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Physical and mental deterioration.  At the end, my uncle couldn't
even walk a block without getting winded.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     there are none.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Nope, sorry.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I think that my immediate family did all they could do to resolve
the rift between us.  We sent birthday presents to my cousin that
were marked "Return to Sender," phone calls in which we were hung up
upon, etc.  I just hope my cousin knows that we don't care what was
in the pat, we have a lifetime together (however long that may be)
and are looking forward to spending quality time.  No unresolved
issues -- clear concsience.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would like to know why my uncle and his immediate family ditched
the rest of the family.  I mean, really, as far as I am concerned,
blood is thicker than water.  I think that if I did get ot have
this conversation, I could be told things I didn't want to hear
that wouldn't allow me to move on with the relationships with my
aunt and cousin.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     If I know I am going to die, and I tell people just to get me hooked
up with a hospice, than I feel that they would follow and repect
my wishes if they trult loved me.  Sure, its hard to say goodbye,
but when you love someone, you should repect their wishes as far
fetched as they may seem.  Its actually a respect for the dying
person, not just their wishes.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Well, since my family has a pre-disposition to Cancer, yes I have
thought about dying.  I want to go peacefully in my sleep.  And,
if I start to lose my marbles, I want someone to poison my caramels.
I am a firm believer in Euthanasia.  I just want people to respect
my wishes.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Writing and music -- critical.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Writing is still a valued part of my life -- as a matter of fact,
I have written poems about the experiences I have had with losing
my uncle.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I do not consider myself a very religious person, but I do believe
in a higher power and knowing that all the people I have lost are
in a better place was a comfort.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 
     I am totally not into the open casket thing -- very disturbing.
At least for a 16 year old.
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was good.  Some of my theories are outdated and ignorant, but
none the less, they are exactly that, my theories.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 27 13:51:12 1998
F19 in Mt. Prospect, IL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  looked up death and dying on Excite
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Prof/Studies: Majoring in biology, minoring in Psych 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1 or 2 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 47.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when the brain and heart cease functioning.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was six and didn't understand

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My most favorite grandmother died of breast
	cancer when I was six.  I didn't really understand what was going
	on, so I dealt with it well.  It hit me a sad and it upset me more
	as I got older, and realized what really happened to my grandma.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how we were all crying, but we were still able to talk about the
good things.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     death releaved the pain that my grandma, aunt, and uncle were all
dealing with.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     writing a letter to the deceased
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     guilt for feeling angry at the person
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say goodbye and I love you and I will miss you

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I tell someone else about it.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Why are you leaving me?

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     hibernate until everything is better
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cryed

--Religious Affiliation:
     I don't have one
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the flowers.  I really remember the flowers vividly

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I resolved my issues with suicide, by writing the person who
committed suicide a letter.  I wrote out all of my feelings like
I was talking to them on the phone.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I know that everyone dies, and I know that I am mortal.  I don't
like to think of my own death for fear of bringing it on earlier.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I cry, and cry and cry somemore.  I talk to other people who were
affected by the death.  And then, I write the deceased a letter.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Crying and Crying 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 27 11:45:32 1998
F28 in Ithaca, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, .6 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the spirit leaving the body, the body no longer regenerating...

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried my eyes out

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great grandmother died.  I heard the news
	via answering machine.  I was very upset

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how wonderful Steve( my fiance) was during the whole ordeal.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's not a bad thing when it ends pain

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     knowing grandma is out of pain

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being with the family
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     accepting the fact that she was gone
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     letting the person who is dying know how you feel about them,
any special memories that come to mind...
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I wanted her to die to end her pain, but I wanted her to live for
selfish reasons - to be at my wedding, to be there when I wanted
to see her

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     we were all together, recalling memories, and someone brought out
the pictures of grandma dancing on a table and the picture of her
rubber chicken
 
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     sit down during calling hours, I could not endure meeting all of
her friends...it just made me cry
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     she wanted her casket closed, everyone was upset they could not
see her to say goodbye

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about the times she will not share - like being at my wedding
- or when I hear the song Love, me by COllin Raye the tears just
start flowing

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     it wasn't fair, she was a wonderful woman and did not deserve cancer
or to waste away to nothing

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they did warn us, but nothing can prepare you for what is to come.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     hospice was a great help for grandpa...and the rest of the family
took comfort that someone could help
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     services when she passed
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     active catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     the spirit is who we are on the inside - and death releases the
spirit to be free
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     some of the family wanted nothing more than to claim posessions
that were sentinmentally important to them
 
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     I watched her deteriorate - it was awful!  She was nothing but skin
and bones, not the lady we all knew

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     heck, grandma was visiting me often - mostly when I was in my
kitchen, I would hear her talking to me - sort of scary
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     just to let them know how much I miss them...

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I really want to be cremated - I want my wishes followed

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would be sad, mainly that I would not have time to be with my
soon-to-be husband

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I went to her grave and had a picnic, we talked about the upcomming
events and I felt much better

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I try to let people know how I feel about them more often than I did

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I reminded me of how I was feeling - and reminds me to be careful
of others when they are going through a death in the family

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 27 11:23:33 1998
F47 in W. Stockbridge,, Massachusetts =USA=
Email: <pdc-at-vgernet.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Special Ed. Adminstrator 
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	All of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' books are wonderful.  I like the spirituality she brings to the subject. 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Earl Grollman, Kubler-Ross, Pat McNees, who wrote:  Dying: A Book of Comfort, the authors of Final Gifts, about the hospice movement. 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 6 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: pancreatic cancer;  Aged: 54 yrs. old.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when your physical body simply does not function in any manner,
causing everything to shut down, permanently.  I personally believe
that there is a residual energy, or soul, that continues on after
the body has stopped functioning.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was confused, disoriented, and felt I was losing my mind!  I felt
isolated and possibly responsible for the loss.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...when I was 14 years old, my family came home
	for a big celebration for my birthday on May 31st.  This included
	my older and closest sister, Liz and her 2 month old first son,
	Shawn Michael.  The next day, on June 1st, Shawn was in my mother's
	room taking a nap.  After school I brought a friend in to see him,
	after being told, "don't wake him up!"  He stirred in his sleep
	as we looked down at him, so sweet, so tiny.  When my sister went
	in to wake him an hour later, she came out of the room screaming.
	He was dead, from SIDS or back then, better known as "crib death."
	It was shocking that a tiny baby could just....die.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     watching her lose a little bit of herself each day, either a physical
task she could no longer do, or an emotional discussion we could
no longer have.  She slipped away in tiny fragments, day after day,
until she quietly stopped breathing and was gone.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It's normal and appropriate for you to talk about a person who is
dead, even long after they have died.  I feel we tend to not talk
of people we've lost because others are afraid it will make you
too sad.  What they don't realize is that you're already sad, but
talking about the loss of a loved one will not only keep them alive
on some level, but will help you to process that loss more easily.
Sharing the story is so important to one who is grieving.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Too many gifts to mention here.  The look in my sister's eyes
when she saw I was sitting near her bed at the Hospice Center, she
expressed so much love in one long look.  The barriers that come
down when someone is dying.  All conversations become profound and
so special.  The "I love you" that comes from one you know will
not be on earth much longer carries such significance.  I heard
Dr. Gerald May speak on Loss recently and he said that "grief was
a sacred expression of love...."  That says it all.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Knowing there were special people who I could talk to about the dying
and the loss, the feelings that come along with losing someone so
special to you, was most supportive.  I am lucky enough to work in an
agency where everyone is open and understanding if I need to talk or
if I'm having a sad day.  To talk about the feelings you have, good
or bad, about a death, and not feel judged in a harsh way is a gift.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Anticipatory missing of her!  For the many hours I sat with her at
Hospice, talking to her, reading to her, caring for her, soothing
her when a medical procedure upset her, bathing her, getting her
a drink of water or ice chips, those were so hard, but so special
too.  I wanted it to go on forever and I wanted it to end for her.
Quality of life issues are so difficult during this time.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Try not to avoid talking about the hard things.  It seems easier
to discuss things like burial wishes, etc. when it isn't staring
the person right in the face!  Ask the person how they are feeling
about all that's happened to them, and most importantly, about what
is going to happen to them sooner or later, as the case may be.
Listen to their answers and try to use the information to make things
a bit easier for them as their time draws near.  Treat them with
as much dignity as possible.  (As you would want to be treated!)
Try not to treat them as though they were a child.
 
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     found new strength where I least expected it. Having already lost a
sister 6 years ago to colon cancer -at- 49, I was stunned to be going
through it again so soon with another sister.  The strength is there,
within us, we just need to reach for it.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     my sister cried and didn't want me to leave.  This was hard,
and finally I realized that there wasn't any place more important
for me to be at than near her.  I guess it just took me a while
to prioritize.  I was lucky to have an understanding workplace so
I could take the time off I needed to spend with her.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     My sister & I used humor a lot during those last months.  We referred
to the hospital as the "Comedy of Errors" and when my sister first
got her diagnosis, she laughed and said, "Well, I guess I don't have
to worry about the mileage on my leased car anymore!"  We found
humor in many of the procedures that needed to be done as well.
Humor helped us get through some very tough times.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     share more of my feelings about death and dying with her.  She was
sometimes more open to it than at other times, and maybe I wasn't
strong enough to talk, even if she didn't want to.  I guess I tried
to take my cues from her, but I regret now that maybe I didn't meet
her needs as well as I could have.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     just be there with her.  Watching someone take their last breaths
can be a very spiritual event.  Through your tears, you're in awe of
the event that is taking place.  It's like being at a child's birth!
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the hospice's attitude of "end-of-life care"  It was wonderful
to know about the actual physical processes to look for as Cathy
was actively dying.  It made me realize how little we discuss
this aspect.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the rituals surrounding the wake, funeral, etc.  We tried to
make it as personal as possible, and she had written most of her
instructions, including hymms, etc. down, but the arrangements were
less important to me that her actual dying and death.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear her voice in some tape recordings I have of her, and I realize
I'll never visit her again.  Never hear her voice live, again.
Never see her sitting at her table having a cup of tea, again.
The permanence of her loss is hard for me sometimes.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't know that we truly ever appreciate a person when we expect
they are going to live a normal life span.  Once that changes with
a dx, then we value them so much more.  I'd like to value everyone
in my life who I love and never take them for granted.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     she's so young......

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     share it all with my parents, who have both been dead for over 20
years, and with my sister who I was closest to, and died 6 yrs. ago.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     began to savor the wonderful memories we shared as sisters, and to
try to put some meaning into what it meant for her to die so young.
That can be the hardest....finding meaning in why some have to die
so young.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     appreciation, for the most part.  Doctors are not god.  They can
only do so much.  Hers were kind and tried all options, with no luck.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     the best experience that could have happened to our family.
My sister was in a center and received care from the kindest and most
understanding nurses.  We as family also received honest answers,
caring support and good listeners.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     my sister's wishes had been carried out as she wanted.  There was
a comfort in that.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     former catholic; now just trying to be a good, caring person without
the formal boundaries of that religion.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     comforting, some days more than others.  There are times when I can
literally feel the presence of those I've lost.  Other times I feel
the longing that they'll never be in my life again, until.....?
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     insurance took care of things, and her trust fund is helping her
son to regroup.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     people were so sad, so supportive and tried to understand how we
were feeling having lost someone so quickly and sadly.  (She had
just lost her husband 6 months before her death, making her 19
yr. old son an "orphan" in less than 7 months.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the apnea spells in breathing; the shutting down of her systems,
the loss of appetite, and the need for more and more pain meds.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     when my sister died, there was a huge sense of relief that flooded
the room just after she took her last breath.  I truly believe that
it wasn't just my relief that it was over for her, I think it was
also her own relief that she was freed from a body that was ill
and tired.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     writing in my journal, drawing, and writing a letter to my lost
sister has helped in the past.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would listen more to my sister and allow her to say anything she
wanted to me, without judgment!

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     We all have living wills and estate wills.  Losing as many people
as I have at 47, I plan for any event.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Always.  I have already written letters to my family in the event
that I go suddenly to let them know just how much they've meant
to me.  We're all temporary, it's just hard to keep that thought
in front of you during the daily events of life.  I have my service
planned out and my ins. all in place.  I'm a planner.....!  I also
like to know that my daughter will have a special letter just for
her to read after I'm gone.  She will also inherit all of my journals
in which most of my philosophies of life are written about within.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I write in my journal.  I developed a memory book for one of my
sisters and will do the same for this one after a time.  I celebrate
their lives as often as possible!

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     as I've said, I don't take anything for granted, and try to live
each day as though it is my last.  This is hard to do all the time,
normal living, gets tricky at times, but I am so much more aware
of the transient quality of our lives.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     Over the years, I've lost so many family members that I feel I've
come to a better understanding of death and the process.  While that
understanding doesn't make it much easier, it does help to put our
lives into a sense of transience in status & helps me to try to live
each day I'm blessed with as fully and appreciatively as possible.
This is the gift I've received from those I've loved and lost.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 
     It makes it harder to deal with loss when people don't understand
loss try to avoid discussing it with someone who has had a loss.
I try to be as open as possible to discussing loss, death, and
dying with others to help desensitize people about the taboo around
talking about death.
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was a good questionnaire, but a little lengthy, as I'm at work.
(You did warn me!)  I'm always processing my feelings, thoughts
and belief systems about loss.  This was a nice way to review,
but as I said, I needed to be quick.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     No, they were all sensitively written and brought out a number
of feelings.  What will happen to this information?
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Mon Apr 27 09:49:33 1998
F19 in cambridge,  =england=
Name: heidi
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: traffic accident;  Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     very sad, morbid and not at all healthy.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't really believe it and found it hard to cope with memories

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...Grandfather from a heart attack

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     when I was told about his death. How much it hurty and how much it
made me appreciate life

--What I think my (england) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that if a person has had a long and successful life there is very
little to be sad about. It is only being selfish.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that I had my friend as a friend before he died. I got to meet
him. share great experiences and love him for what he was.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My friends. We all suffered in the same way and could support each
other to the maximum.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Talking to his family. I knew I was expected to see them but your
own greif almost makes you forget everybody elses.
  
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     really savour all the memories I have

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     you finally realsie they are not coming back. You are no longer
sad but still find it hard to accept.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say goodbye and talk about all the things we never got a chance to.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be his friend at all.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     making sure we all grieved.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about how successful he would be now and all the things he
should have been able to experience

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I probabaly wouldn't see him that much but he woiould be there and
the laughs could continue.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     he was so young

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     say goodbye
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     just cried.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     atheist
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     his mother gave up work, and his aprents eprated menaing they ahd
to move house and learn to survive with a significantly less income.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the complete feeling of togetherness

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     Cry a lot but found once funeral had passed I could get on with life

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 26 22:02:19 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide;  Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     tried to convince myself that it had not really happened.
When I finally came to terms with the loss I went into a stage of
depression in which I constantly cryed and blamed myself for missed
opportunities and felt guilty about his death.

--That first time, how it happened was
     A younger cousin was stillborn so I had never met them before.
	The person was also from a side of the family that I did not have a
	lot to do with so I didn't have much trouble coping.  Besides this,
	I didn't quite understand what was happening.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the confusion.  No one fully understood how or why it happened so
for most of us it was a very confusing time.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It bought me closer to my father.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My family and my faith.  In particular my father, who helped me
come to terms with the loss and to get on with my life.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the guilt.  I felt guilty because I could not get past the fact that
'I should have been able to see what was happening and helped him
before it was to late.'
  
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     stopped blaming myself for not helping my relative.  I realised
that I wasn't responsible for his death.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I began to get past the actual death and began to think about the
reasons behind his suicide.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     My faith has also played a strong role


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Upbringing 
     I was never educated on death or experienced a great deal of it in
the past

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 26 17:51:35 1998
F20 in Ames, IA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: breast cancer;  Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     Mother died of breast cancer when I was in eighth grade.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     a support group in junior high, first of kids' who knew someone who
was suffering from cancer, then a death support group.  It helped
to talk to other people my age who were going through the same thing.
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Support Group 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 26 16:46:06 1998
F20 in Las Vegas, nv =usa=
Name: melissa
Email: <n.a.>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: n.a. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 5 months  ago.
Cause of Death: ovarian cancer;  Aged: 54.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     A very sad but final thing that happens to everyone at some point in
there life.  Most of the human race believe that when people die they
go to a place called Heaven and there they are with "God" a supreme
being that is millions of years old and who we believe created this
earth and the death process.  Some of us are scared and some of us
do not fear death because we know we will go back to our creator.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Could not believe what was going on I had never dealt with it and
was very sheltered by my parents and death. I was not really sad
until I finally realized that they were not comeing back a few days
later. I guess I missed them.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My friend on a local chat board shot himself
	online.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Seeing the body so peaceful and wondering why God took her so
young and why he put her through so much pain before she died.
Wondering how I could comfort my boyfirend and his family in there
time of need.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That is is nothing to be scared of that we go to a place where we
are safe and peaceful.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It taught me that we are not imortal and we all die and it is not
a grafeful thing to happen.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     God and the belief that the person who passed was ok. Before she
died she said she would be looking down unto us and she would miss
us but in heaven 1 day is like a 1000 years on earth and that made
me happy that she would not be alone for a long time.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Seeing everyone so hurt and crying I do not deal well with people
crying and feeling pain. I like everyone to be happy.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Make sure you tell them how much you really care about them and
make sure they know that you did care and give them a lot of hugs.
 
--[My relative's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Learned that we are not imortal and that you only have one chance
with that person then they are gone. Do not take them for grantite.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I saw her suffering and wondering why God wanted her to suffer.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     n.a.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell her how much I really wanted to be her friend more then anything
we did not talk that much and I regret that. I think to this day
that she hated me. And I hope that she did not..

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be there for the family in there time of need especially my b/f
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     n.a.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Guilt 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 
     guilt

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 26 14:02:18 1998
F22 in Ligonier, Pennsylvania =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
Prof/Studies: Penn State University, Rehabilitation Education Major 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  yrs18 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When a person ceases to exist on this earth anymore.  Our culture
typically buries the deceased.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Did not really understand what was going on.  I was only 5 and was
told that "grandaddy has gone to heaven".

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was 5.  My grandfather died.  I did not
	understand much.  I was more upset by my father crying so much.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     My mother calling me and telling me my great-aunt had died.
I felt sad.  She was always so sweet to my brother and I.  I did
not attend the funeral, but I did pray.

--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It is not a social event.  People should stop socializing and mourn
the deceased more.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That my one aunt was suffering and it was a blessing for her to
die and her pain to be over.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Talking with my mom and dad.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     They were never coming back.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Just spend time with them and let them know they are loved.
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Learned about death and dying at a young ageby talking about it to
my family.  It's important to discuss this with your children when
they are young so they understand it and can cope with it when they
are older.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I watched my father crying for days about my grandfather's death
and thought my father was going to die too.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     It is a very normal response to have a variety of different emotions
when someone dies.  Laughing is fine if it helps you to deal with it.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     actually attend the funeral, my parents would not let me go.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     talk about it with my parents, even though I was so young.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     People go up to the casket and say their goodbyes to the deceased.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     all the food and socializing.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about my parents, brother, or boyfriend dying.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I can't imagine myself doing that.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that some people die so young.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     sleep all day.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried with my parents.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     anger.  My family swears that my grandfather could have been saved,
but that the doctor messed up.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     did not experience this.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     A place to say goodbye to the deceased and reflect on his life and
what a great person he was.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Methodist
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     right.  I think this is true.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it paid for my grandfather's funeral.  It makes me angry that
funerals cost so much.  It seems like we should be concentrating
on mourning, not on how we will pay for the funeral.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I did not attend my granddad's funeral.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     that I kept having dreams about my grandfather.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     hair loss, weight loss, extreme tiredness, person talking about
leaving soon.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     it never happened.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I wish I knew my grandfather better.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would tell my grandfather how I still think of him and miss him.
I would tell him about my life and let him know that things are O.K.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I want my family and friends there.  I want a nice casket and to
be buried next to my parents.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I think about it once in awhile and it does scare me.  I want to
die and old person.  I sometimes wonder if I will die of natural
causes, like old age, or if I will die in an accident of some kind.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     walks in nature.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it made me a little depressed thinking about my death.  I also
thought a lot about my grandfather and how much he is loved and
missed.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 26 09:14:16 1998
F20 in Orange, New South Wales =Australia=
Name: Leanne
Email: <leanne01-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  was doing a search through Yahoo - going from link to link!
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Prof/Studies: Student - Diploma of Info Tech 
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More personal info: 
     it's fine to be posted. I'm quite comfortable talking about my feelings, or listening (or reading :) ) while others talk about theirs 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia/old age;  Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the ending of a persons stay on earth

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt sad, but was too young, i don't remember emotional details

--That first time, how it happened was
     My grandfathr, who was 84, just got sicker and he finally died. I
	got to say good-bye to him in the hospital after he died. I was
	very close to him

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that on that day i had to go to school. I told everybody about
it. it was my way of leeting the grief out.

--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is a necessary thing: if no one died, no one could be
born either.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I understood death a little better

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not having them to talk back to me anymore. I believe they are still
watching, and listening, but I can't see, hear or feel them anymore!
  
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     at my grandmothers funeral, my niece (about 5 or six) was sobbing
loudly the whole time - it got on my nerves so much!
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i just think about my grand-mother, and the times we used to spend
together, i get teary-eyed, 'cause i miss her very much.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     my boyfriend would have met my grandma, she would have been able
to share in all my triumphs and met her newest grandkids

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that she's not around anymore.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     see her and hear her
 
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     happiness. They made her comfortable
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     pleasing
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing, as my family weren't involved with anything like that.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Anglican, then I was a Morman for a short period. I think that may
have been a mistake. Now, i'm not really sure.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     that there is only one God, and that all religions have some aspect
of him and that we all go to the same places, either what we call
Heaven or Hell
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     the funeral was very expense (or so i learned later anyway)
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it was very tastefully done.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     i didn't seem to cry a whole lot

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     a big sickness

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     My grandma was very sick, and i was told the night before that i
should say goodbye. it never sunk in that she would really die,
but as she had been living close and we were close, there were no
unvesolved issues at all

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i think that although now i am about 99% sure of what i believe
about death and dying, i would still be scared and uncertain. if i
knew i was going to die, i might be tempted to change it, or i might
feel reckless now that Death was coming to me, i may 'live life to
the fullest'. a lot would depend on how and when i knew i would die.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     just accepting it, remembering them fondly


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it made me think about my feelings for those no longer with me on
earth in a clearer way.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 25 11:21:34 1998
F22 in west fork, arkansas ==
Email: <nimue-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: nursing 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: metastisied cancer/ chf;  Aged: 29 days shy of 90.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     an ending

--That first time, how it happened was
     an older lady in my church suddenly died..all i was told was that
	she had gone to visit jesus...i kept waiting for her to come back
	with a post card...

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     having to suddenly change roles and take care of my mother, make
the arrangements, do the phone calling...be the grownup...and it
seemed that no one asked how i was doing, only how my mother was..

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the few people who didnt givve me tired, over used phrases ment to
comfort, the ones that just came by and sat with me and let me talk
about what i wanted to/needed to..
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the guilt that i didnt appreciate her while she was alive
  
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     took charge and made it through...

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     kept forgetting she was dead, trying to go visit her at the nusrsing
home...

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     one of my patients dies..

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that the livng are left with the guilt...

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     drink a gallon of vodka and sleep all my saddnessa way...
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     realized close to a month had pasted and i hadnt cried or greived
yet...

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     religion gave my mother somehtin to cling to..
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     unknown...i was reaised as a fundamentalist christian
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     every one wanted money for something...
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     all the bread and sliced cheese people brought to our house, as if
eating ourselves into oblivion would make it all bvetter...

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     mottling, chyeen-stokes breathing....i am a nurse, so from the moment
i walked into my grandma's room, i knew...that made it harder...

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Denial 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 25 01:00:24 1998
F20 in Sacramento, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Pyshcology 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke;  Aged: over 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the lost of a person we are aqauinted with or close to.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     sat at the table in disbelief and cried when it finally hit me.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandparents went out of town and while
	they were away my grandfather collapsed and went into a coma.
	Sortly after they moved him back home he passed away.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how senseless the death was, and how shocking it was.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it can happen to anyone at any time, and that we are not
immortal

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     i can't think of anything I am grateful for surrounding death.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being able to return to the gravesite on occasions that are special
to me so that I can share them with my grandfather.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye or tell my grandfater
that I loved him.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell me grandfather I was sorry for telling hiim I hated him and
tell him that I loved him

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     criede openly and freely
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     was the veiwing of thew body, it made everything feel so much
more real
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I go to the cemetary and put flowers on the grave

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I don't get to say goodbye, why did he have to die.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     run away and hide.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried because I never got the chance to say goodbye.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     confusion.  my grandfather was doing better and then he all of the
sudden got worst.  Then they moved him and he died soon afterwards.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing really, my family is not very religious
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     independent
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it was bueatiful, and so peaceful.  A proper burial for a military
man

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the reception.  how can people get together and have a party after
a loved one has died.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     talking about him with family and friends

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 
     moral support has also played a large role in my dealing with death

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 24 21:54:05 1998
F14 in Santa Fe, TN =USA=
Name: michelle
Email: <azheni-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 year ago ago.
Cause of Death: many infections and old age;  Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     death is a part of our lives,it can be very hard to deal with,or
we can take it lightly.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     the first time i experienced death in my family is when i was only
a few months old.

--That first time, how it happened was
     it was my uncle,he had had a massive heart attack

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how sad i was and all of the fear i felt.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     i had gotten a chance to know my grandfather before he died.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     bottleing it up,reading books,and writing poems.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing that my grandfather wouldn't be there anymore,and knowing
that things from the past would never be told to me.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     they know if your there,sometimes,wether or not you think they do
or not.
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     have i have learned to try to forgive people for what they have
done in the past.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     when he was being buried.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i needed the laughter to help me through the things happening
arounf me.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     see why some people did what they did in the past.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my dad thought i would think less of him if he cried in front of me.
 
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     things might be better.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     i thought it wasn't fair because there was things i would never
find out.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to my grandfather one more time just to find certain things out.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt really sad,but really reliefed that he wouldn't suffer anymore.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     good
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     friends and family
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     i belive that god and other spirits rome this earth
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     more acceptable
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we never had enough
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     some people acctually cared

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     thinking that my grandfather was with my grandmother.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would be a lot more open and trust more people.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     i don't want to die alone.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i would feel lonely

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i cried and told nobody how i felt.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Books & Films 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 24 18:19:24 1998
F18 in Edmonton,  =Canada=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  On Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident;  Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a painful release that heals over time. We know someone and they
are called back to heaven, and often we find it hard to let go,
but over time, we begin to understand.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt lost and shut out. I wanted to see my Grandpa again.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was about 7 years old. I remember one night;
	it was near Christmas, that I was asleep. Suddenly, I felt very
	thirsty and woke up...that was very unusual for me. I wandered out to
	the kitchen to find my parents at the kitchen table, my mom crying
	and my dad sobbing and red eyed. I remember being very shocked at
	seeing my dad cry. I thought it must have been bad. Then I said
	"Why are you so sad, guys?" And then I learned that my mom had
	gotten a call from her sister in another province, and that her
	father, my grandpa, had died.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the body in the coffin and the wonderful funeral..over 500 people
went.

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is not the end.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     how it brings people together and makes others realize how short
life is and that it must be used to the maximum.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     writing my feelings down in journals, poems, stories etc.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     seeing them actually dead...the body, I mean. It really shocked me.
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     you see people not that close to the person who died crying and
wailing and telling everyone they went to a funeral like it is
something to be proud of or something.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     get to know the person better.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     go to the funeral.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I listened to the songs chosen for the funeral. The words fit
so well.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the viewing of the body and the internment.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear a song that was played at the funeral.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why was she/he taken so early?

--Religious Affiliation:
     I am Roman Catholic
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the way the people were able to honor in their own way.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     seeing the body.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     Going to the funeral, but I do not feel comfortable seeing the
body anymore.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Okay. I felt some of the questions were very..deep..I found it hard
to understand sometimes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 24 14:58:45 1998
F40 in CLEARWATER, FL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	BIBLE 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neice, 2 YRS ago.
Cause of Death: APS;  Aged: 30.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     THE FINAL STAGE OF OUR LIFE.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     WAS TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...NATURAL DEATH OF RELATIVE

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     HOW HARD IT WAS TO ACCEPT THAT SHE WAS SO YOUNG AND HAD SO MUCH TO
LIVE FOR AND HAD 2 CHILDREN WHOM SHE DEARLY LOVED ALONG WITH HER
WONDERFUL HUSBAND. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     NOTHING TO FEAR IT IS JUST PART OF LIFE

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     THAT SEEING A YOUNG PERSON DIE MADE THE REST OF US CHANGE OUR WAY
AT LOOKING AT LIFE.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     MY FAITH
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE HER, SHE WAS SO FULL OF LIFE AND THEN SHE
WAS GONE.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     JUST LISTEN TO THEM AND LET THEM TALK.
 
--[My Neice's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     HAVE LEARNED TO ENJOY LIFE TO ITS FULLEST ON A DAILY BASIS.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     SHE WAS LINGERING AND WE KNEW IT WOULD BE SOON AND YET SHE WAS
SUFFERING AND NONE OF US COULD STOP IT.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     REFLECTED OVER ALL THE YEARS AND GOOD TIMES ENJOYED WITH HER AND
THE ENTIRE FAMILY

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 24 10:18:20 1998
F20 in Tuolumne, Ca =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	The Bible 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	God 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer;  Aged: 61.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Losing someone to heaven or hell

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was ten years old

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My Grandfather died of cancer

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     How calm everyone was;they were not sad

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     They could be going to either a better place or hell

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     My grandfather accepted Jesus before he died

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My churrch and from God
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     My Grandma was very difficult and short tempered with everyone that
came near her.
  
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Was able to cope with the situation with the help of Jesus

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     God is the only one who can heal your pain and suffering


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 23 22:12:03 1998
F22 in Beverly, MA =USA=
Name: Kim
Email: <Deathdive-at-aol.com>
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Prof/Studies: former art college student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ;  Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the soul leaving the body to go to either heaven or hell

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     i was 3 when my dad died and developed, i belive, post-traumatic
stress syndrome. from then on traumatic things would not affect me,
for example when my mother was shot when i was around 9.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how it affected others and how i dont feel affected by death.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     death is not a bad thing...we each have a purpose to fullfill in
our lives; why stay so long and suffer more?

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it ends suffering.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     How well

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 23 15:47:39 1998
F35 in Coppell, Texas =USA=
Name: Amy Feldmann
Email: <dreamer_35_-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Entered Death and Dying and was curious about the questionnaire
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Prof/Studies: Asst. Mgr. of a Video store 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  10 months ago.
Cause of Death: Accident- (stroke or heart attack);  Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When the heart which keeps the body or Hoste as you may call it,
"living" stops. The body dies but the spirit lives on in another
plane or demention. The body is a way for us to exsist on this
planet,but it is the sole that tell us who we are.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Was sad that they were gone but glad they were no longer suffering
and knew they were with loved ones long gone.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my Grandmother was ill and getting worse
	and she was old too. Was prepared for her going, but 6months later
	my dad passed away. Was a complete surprise an accident we belive
	caused by a heart attack or stroke.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The shock and the pain I felt and then the numbness. How the days
following being told of his death and even after the funeral how
I was just floating through it..I didn't really believe it even
though I saw his body in thae casket. Didn't know what the correct
responce was to the whole thing..didn't know who to turn to with
my own pain..was trapped with it alone!

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     There is no right way to deal with death..everyone experiences
something differnt to a degree.  It is ok to reach out to those in
grief, remembering that they may try to push you away at times but
if you show them that you are always there, i believe they will
come around and let you help them!! Don't give up on them or turn
away!! They need you more than they usually realize!!

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It has reminded me not to take anyone for granted and to love those
in your family no matter what!! Also not to put things off till
tomarrow...keep a journal of the preshious stories from parents and
loved ones to keep forever!! Once gone you can never get them again!

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     i have gotten no support..have not felt comfortable talking to family
except for one sister who is having a harder time than I am..I
havent been reading books and I do need to get into a workshop or
some counciling before I overloade!
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Just having the strengh to face it and go on!
  
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I was up at the casket saying good bye , or so I thought, when i
looked down at him and expected one of his jokes in that he would
sit up with this funny monster face growel and scare me half to
death!...I still did not believe him gone!
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I am not dealing with it like I keep telling myself and the repressed
feelings are coming out in other ways..I am jepordizing my job
with the way I have been feeling and acting.  Am feeling like one
giant mess!

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would be more responsible with managing my life (Bills paid on
time..good job etc) We would go on lots of adventures together! Tons
of road trips!!  We would be closer.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I still had so much to ask him about his family and I wanted him to
tell me some of his stories again, write down his better jokes. most
of all I wanted him to take me down the asile when I marry...

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Dissappear!!
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     The Church itself doesn't mean anything to me.  I see it as a
place to go to be at pease for awhile. my higer Power speaks to
me anywhere at any time..i don't need organized religion for that.
The only part it played was in the cerimony of death itself.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I don't have one at the moment.  Was baptised Catholic but have
tried the mormun faith as well as Presbyterian, and Methodist was
the last church that I attended.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it unfortunately brings out the greedy side in all of us to verying
degrees.  It's like: we are sad he's gone, ...how much do I get!
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how much my dad affected the people he came in contact with! how
many people really cared about him!  how really a kewl guy he was
despite his falts!

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Receiving my share of the ashes..still don't know quite what to do
with them

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Mid-Life  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Avoiding Everything 
     Watcheing someone get old and sick is easier than dealing with a
sudden shock like the one I had with my dad!


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 
     Feeling i had no one to talk to..that i had to be strong for everyone
or not burden them with my grief.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 23 09:01:43 1998
F21 in , Western Australia =Australia=
Name: Christine
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend,  5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Death is a sure thing. We are put here to do whatever it is that
we have to do in this life time, to accomplish things, and to live.
Once our life is over, we die, move onto something else, into the
next phase so to speak.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     I was about 17 years old, and was seeing a guy who committed suicide,
no one even knew he was suicidal, but obviously, he was. It was hard
to cope with the thought that I would never ever see him again, not
in this life time anyway, but he was in a pretty bad way to actually
do it.  This was a few years ago now, and its only been the last
2 years or so that I have actually acknowlegded what death was,
I have lost a few people since, but not in the same way,although,
4 out of 5 of them died young, and unnecessarily, I have just come
to my own conclusion that when our time is up, its up, no matter
which way we go out.

--That first time, how it happened was
     A very close friend of mine committed suicide.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The most recent death was of a cousin who was about 26 years old,
he died of a drug overdose. I can't say I knew him all that well,
I didn't really have a lot to do with him, but nevertheless,
he was related to me, and it hit hme in a huge way, saddened me to
think that this was someone who was related to me, but I never really
had the chance to know him properly. I do remember being younger,
and seeing him at family get-togthers, but they were always the
"big kids"  I remeber him as someone who was a lot of fun to be
around, and full of life, and also thinking I wonder if I will ever
live to be as old as him, and gt to do the things he does.

--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     I am Australian, so in my oppinion we have no real strong culture
regarding death, it just comes down to the individual, and family
values and things like that I suppose. I can't really comment on
this question.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Death to me in a way, does have its gifts, may seem a little callous,
but that's what I believe. Basically, in death we remember life. and
memories are a gift that is so pure and so unconditionally yours.
We remember this person, and in most cases all the things they have
done great in there lives.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     The most support to me?... I don't really know, I didn't get onto
movies or books, and I don't have an extremely close family, we don't
sit down and talk about death until it has actually jumped up and
bit you in the arse. Even then, we still don't exactly face death,
I think just the loss in general.  The most support was the support
I gave myself, the questions I asked myself, and was ablbe to figure
out my own conclusions, answers and oppinions.  I put it all down
to this is life, so live it.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Ummm, the hardest part, is letting go of the person, without feeling
guilty of actually letting them go.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I have never actually "been there". I wish I was in one case of
a death in my life, but thats the way the world turns.
 
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I think I understand why people commit suicide, and I like to think
that I could help someone else deal with the loss through the same
way. I'm not sure, I have never had to help anyone with it, I figure
at one stage in my life, I will maybe have to help someone.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Just being told, the most confusion is trying to figure out if the
person is lying to you, or if you are dreaming, or just comming to
grips with the news.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I never had the erge to laugh in any death, except my grandfather's
funeral, something in one of the speeches made most of us laugh, my
sister and I coped with that death in the thought that our grandfather
would be furious if he was to look down on us and see us crying all
over him... he was so intensely stubborn, and laughter was always
his medicine. We did laugh out loud, while other relations were
angry at us for coping with his death in what seemed a sadistic
way to them. we got drunk, and smoked some pot, although he would
have not liked that, but we just thought that he wasn't looking at
that time... makes me laugh when i think of that.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     One thing I have learned, and have probably already discused this,
but I believe that every thing happends for a reason.  The thing
I do regret is that he called my home the night he killed himself,
unfortunatly, I was about 5 hours away from him, he spoke to my
father, but being so late at night, my father told him to ring
back in the morning, and he would give him the phone number then,
he called, and his friend called a couple of times that night,
and also called my neighbour, which is my grandparents.  I just
regret that I was no there when he called, I know that was out of
my power at the time... but you still have to wonder "what if".

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Nothing came easy. I'm thankful, that I am still here.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     My mum made a comment on his death, it's just her way of coping with
it as well i think, but it hit me like a brick across my face.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     I can't really think of an answer for this one.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Yeah, when i think deeply about losing people which played a most
significant part in my life, I miss them and that in itself makes me
sad.  When I think really deeply about death, it's more my own
death that I think of, and having to leave people I love behind,
I think to deeply about it in most cases, and start to miss them.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     If my boyfriend were still alive... my god, I have thought about
this for a long time, I think maybe we would still be together, for
sure, i don't think I would be where I am in life if I were with him,
not saying that my life is better without him, just completely
different to the most extreem, or, I would be dead as well.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Its not fair that the young should die, what's the point? Then I
start to ponder on why things happen, and what's the lesson people
have to learn about there life, and what was the whole reason of
having to know these people if they're only going to die? Surely,
there should be some reason pointed out to you in black and white
as to what's the point of death in a young person.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     I wish that I could just die to see what was on the other side,
to see if life is all its cracked up to be, and to see the point
of it, and so on.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     It never seemed that time slowed to a stop straight off, only after
about an hour, the time went so slow, until it finally hit me,
then I just sort of passed out, without passing out. I didnt want
to acknowledge any death, and went through the dreaded denial stage
that we do.  I did not understand it until well after the funeral,
kept thinking that he was going to jump out of the coffin and laugh,
as if it were a huge practical joke, I suppose days after when I
realized that there was no material part of this person left is when
I realized that I was never going to be able to see this person have
a converstation with him, or any of the normal things. I didn't want
to understand or ackowledge death in itself until at least a year
after. The it hit me in a huge way, I became confused about life,
its purpose and its meaning.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I dont think the medical comminuty did anything for me in any of
the deaths.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     I never had any conmtact with such things, in the case of cancer,
we didn't know until he was dead.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I don't go to church, or follow any specific religion.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I am supposedly Church of England, but, lerning a few little facts
on where the religion originated from, makes me think about it,
and how a single person can alter peoples thoughts and the way they
are supposed to live.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I don't really understand this qusetion.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     maney was never an issue for me personally.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     There was lots of different people there, most I knew at most times.
But the thought that i wasn't the only one hurting at all.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the feeling of being alone, when I wasn't.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Just the fading of someone's self. maybe loss of weight, always
tired, loss of interest in life in general, not from not wanting
to be there, just the thought of dying mabe.. I don't know.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I didn't have an experience in any of the deaths.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I don't know of any.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     Just with the boyfriend, and why did he do it. But that's an obvious
question everyone asked when someone kills themselves. There isn't
really anyone I would trust to talk to about it, i try and figure
it out in my own head.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     After he died, the one who killed himself, for about 6 months I
was having vivid dreams about meeting up with him, but there were
rules, I couldnt touch him, and he only stayed for a little while,
and never answered why he did it, a few times he said he wished he was
back with everyone, but he explained how this was his life and now he
was bound to his decision, and he was going to live with it, and was
also happy where he was.  I wish i could have dreamnt the answer to
the "why?" question, but, it was only a dream, and if he did tell me,
it would only be what i would have wanted to hear.  Hmmmm, answerd
this question upside down... If I was to have one last conversation
with him, the first thing I would do would be just to hug him,
then ask why, and of course, ask what its like where ever he is.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I sincerely agree with last rights and so forth. This is something
that someone has hoped for and the way they want to go out. I think
that these wishes should be followed down to the last letter.
I want people to know that i have had a good life, and i would
be dying happy, the only wish so far would be that at my funeral,
no one is to wear black, and everyone is to bring a coloured ballon
filled with helium, and to let it go when its all over. maybe to
symbolise that they have let go of me, and that i will rest in peace.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have for a long time pondered on my own death. if I had a certain
space in time to live, i think i would have a huge party, not tell
people why, but just make sure they all came, i would get really
drunk, tell them all I loved them, then i would jet set off and
see all the things I have wanted to see. But most of all, just
know that I will be missed, and that I have been put here for some
other reason other then my own life.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     meditation, and writing down what i feel, hepled me in a way to
clarify my thoughts on life and death in general.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     meditation, and also study into life and spiritual awarness,
 understanding what we can do as people, andtaking it one step
futher to understand what it's all about.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     the realization that we all must die at sometime.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     This questionnaire has just brought a lot more feelings to light,
maybe I am a little confused again, it might also make me think
things over in a new light. I don't know really, I am a deep thinker
in my head, and don't really discuss a lot of things out loud,
so I will go a little more insane thinking about life and death
and what ever happends in between, maybe I think I know to much,
and that I will die soon, never thought that I would live to be old
enough to have grandkids, or even kids, things like this just make
me more determined to get that thought out of my head...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 22 07:17:40 1998
F17 in Jackson, Michigan =United States of America=
Name: Amanda Luce
Email: <Squeaker16-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Highschool, Mijers 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack;  Aged: 99.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when we give our last breath and fall into a deep sleep which we
all awake from at the sametime on one day when the Lord comes back
for all of us to be judged and sent either to Heven or to Hell.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 7 years old and it was my great grandmother I was so sade but
I have blocked most of it out and have gotten on

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My great grandmother got verysick I was about 7
	at this time and she then passed away.  I went to the visitation, but
	not the funneral it was to difficult for me to look at her body dead.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     How no matter how hard it was for me I still carried a small smile
on my face and so did everyone else seem to because we all know it
was better for him now.

--What I think my (United States of America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     How to let one go.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     He was alowed not to suffer any longer.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My grandfather.  Although I am only 16 and a female my grandpa knew
my close relationsip with my great grandpa and he alowed me to be
one of the paul bearers.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that he died three days before my birthday and it was the sadest
birthday I have ever had.
  
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Cheris every moment I have with everyone.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     pray with him once before he passed away.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be with my grandfather for the entire funneral services.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     The arrangement of where everyone sits.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I sit at his house in his chair and the detroit lions stat to play
a game.  They where his favorit.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would still be visiting the nursing home every weekend with my
grandpa to visit him.  Sitting there in the chair watching him eat.
And laughing with him.  And stealling his food that he didn't want.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     just sat there and cryied the I wrote a poem expressing my feelings
and I was able to read it at the funeral and I also burried it in
his pocket of his coat along with my picture and all of my cousins
pictures

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     That hospice is a really great program.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     support
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     I kind of blocked her out

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 21 23:37:32 1998
M41 in mtn view, ca =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo! search
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	on death & dying; early departure 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	kubler-ross; jack hayford 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance,  1 week ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia;  Aged: 26.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Cessation of life processes in which the senses allow one to
interpret this world.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     had a dream the night before it happened, including the
circumstances.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...grandfather died.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     disappointment over the fact that she seemed to have been in
remission for over two years.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how it is a natural part of life.  We isolate from it, especially
young people.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I feel assured of my eternal destiny when confronted with the death
of another.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     prayer and meditation combined with returning to daily routines.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     finality.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     listen, if they want to talk -- just sit, if not.  Don't try to
fix them!
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     waited for weeks to allow myself to grieve because I was angry at
her for leving me.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     they gave up!

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Helping Other People cope 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 21 20:08:31 1998
F22 in Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Interested on how I look at things.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart problems;  Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     where you have something missing that you miss but can never
find agian.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     my first month in collage

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     It is like everything was falling apart

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Maybe dying brings you to a better place

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     To live life to it's fullist

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Myself
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Reminding myself that person no longer exist
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Show them how much you care
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     To go on with life     

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Why can it just take anyone

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Death doesn't have to mean death
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Stay by her bedside as much as I could

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Give her a kiss before she passed away
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     My best friend brought my whole family supper
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the cost

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I walk into her house

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     Life would sure be different

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     But I know life goes on

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Die myself
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     softly cried

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Of much respect
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     ?
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Not much
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     ?It
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     It doesn't cost much
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The crabby funeral director

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     The ride to the graveyard

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     ?

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     ?
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     none
 
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Haven't got one

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     no

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Disbelief it could happen 
     deny it

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 21 17:34:43 1998
F56 in Marquette, MI =USA=
Email: <Joeroni-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Retired 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: arthritis and attendant ailments;  Aged: 87.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of our earthly being with hope of live everlasting.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     don't remember.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I do know my grandmother died when I was 7
	but I don't remember her or her death at all. The first death that
	I really remember was my other grandmother who died when I was 21.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The happiness of my brothers and sisters and me that our mother
was no longer in pain.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     To let people go when they are suffering beyond belief and not
prolong their life just so doctors and hospitals can make more money.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I don't understand the question.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My son, daughter-in-law and my grandson.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Was not being able to pick up the phone and call my mother or sit
down and write her a letter.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I was not with my mother when she died.
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     No one should be allowed to suffer as she did. She was not helped
on her way but died when she felt everyone in her family was ok. I
had suffered a series of strokes and was alone in the town where
I was living. Once I was safe here with my son and happy in May of
93 my mother, I think, felt she could let go and died in July 93.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I don't understand the question.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Not only did I laugh but so did everyone else closely involved in
my mother's death. Her death wasn't a sad thing it was a liberating
thing for her. I'm sure the funeral home people thought we were all
nuts but they didn't have to stand by and watch her disintegrate
and suffer as she did. We cracked wise, we told jokes and we told
funny stories about our mother.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell her goodbye and tell her that I loved her.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     not grieve too much. She wouldn't have liked that and wouldn't
have understood why I wasn't happy that she was free of pain for
the first time in years and that she was in heaven with Daddy and
the rest of her family.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I don't understand the question.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     I don't know. We didn't care what anyone else thought was important
or unimportant. We were there to show love and respect for our
mother not to wonder what other people would think of us.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     her birthday rolls around or I think how much she would have loved
my grandson.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I have no idea.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Nothing was unfair about my mother's death only that she had to
suffer for long. My brother-in-law's death at age 26 I have always
considered unfair. The death of my daughter-in-law's mother at age
50 I considered unfair. Young people should not die unless they
are suffering.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     I don't know.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was so glad that she was free of her pain and the disabilities that
tied her to a bed and kept her from living her wonderful, athletic,
go-getting life.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     My mother's wish was that she never be put in a nursing home and
that she be allowed to die at home. Her wishes were granted mainly
because we insisted on it and also because her doctor honored her
wishes. That I find is very unusual in today's world. Most doctors
are in the business of making money and that can't do that if they
allow people to die when they should.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     My mother's nurses and aides were of great help to my sister and
her family during the time leading up to my mother's death.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Honoring our mother's Catholic religion and seeing to it that her
wishes in that respect were honored.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic (lapsed)
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I don't understand the question.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     Our mother worried constantly about what is what costing to take
care of her and that she wouldn't have any money left to leave to
us. That bothered us as we didn't care about her money - just her.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Was the humor of it all. Our mother would have loved the wake we
had for her. It was amazing to me how many people showed up that
we hadn't seen in years. To me that showed how they felt about my
mother. I also amazed me the many people who weren't there that
should have been.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Having the feeling that our mother is still around guiding us and
protecting us.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Do not keep me alive if I am blind, or helpless. My son has my
power of attorney about such matters and knows my wishes entirely.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Since my strokes I think about it constantly. I have a very strongly
worded Patient Advocate Form filled out and I do not intend to end
up as Granny Veggie so some doctor or hospital or nursing home
can make money on my living death. I think there should be more
Dr. Krevorkians in this world. If I can't take care of myself and
live a fairly normal life I don't want to be here.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     We all still talk to our mother as tho' she is still around helping
and guarding us. To us she will never be really dead - she is just
waiting around to make sure we are all alright.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Upbringing 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Very strange.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 21 08:44:41 1998
F30 
Name: Dandelion
Email: <d_larson-at-mailcity.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister,  15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;  Aged: almost 4.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     wished I could cry and could not.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was my sister died in a car accident.  I was  5
	then, she was almost 4.  My family was driving from NYC to Disney
	World in Florida.  It was early morning.  The sun was just rising
	over the horizon.  My Dad had driven all night.  I remember being
	amazed at all the trees and plant life on either side of the road.
	Suddenly for no apparent reason our Opal began overturning.
	Side over side it went.  I remember hanging on to the back of the
	front seat. (This was 1972 and NOBODY wore seatbelts.)  I came out
	all right because of this.  My sister who was asleep wasn't so lucky.
	I guess my first death experience was I time I almost died, too.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     my parents falling a part.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the whole way my life is now.  The mountains I climbed because of
my sister's death because of my parents' emotional death have made
me the person I am now.  I am so glad for all the wisdom I have
learned from those tough times.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     One night I had a dream.  In this dream I was riding in the car with
this other person I knew.  We went over a bridge.  In the day time
world it goes over the river.  In my dream it stopped suddenly right
in the middle.  Our car fell into the water and sank immediately.
I drowned.  My spirit believing that I had indeed drowned, left
my body, and went in a direction impossible in life.  Into this
corridor with a light at the other end I instinctively went.
Then the voice on the other end of the corridor said "Wake up."
And gradually through a million layers of sleep, I did. For all
it was a dream, I believe in it.  What I believe most of all was
what my spirit felt when it knew that I was dead.  It said, "Too
bad," a level of regret about what one would feel at spilling milk.
Death isn't the big deal we make of it.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     What it did to my parents.  It was alot harder losing my parents
as I had known them, than losing my sister.  It was alot harder to
have emotionally dead parents than it was to have my sister be dead.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     ....I was there, but it happened suddenly.  I was 5.  What can I
know of this?
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     my parents were blaiming themselves the hardest, when I was blaming
myself the hardest.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     fix some words I had thought.  But I have had that.  If I believe
my sister can hear me now.  I have had that.  So, I believe that
most fervently.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     this isn't true at all.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think that things would be awful now if it hadn't happened.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I wish I had died, too.  Or at least I used to wish that alot.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and then I felt better about my friend's death.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     none
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     I was too young to know.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     that I wish Mom hadn't protected me from the funeral.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     See the dream I described above.  That is my most meaningful  knowing
about death.  It is not important to me whether anyone else believes
my dream -- I need to.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I disagree with the entire premise of this question.  My loved one
can hear me now better than before.  When I talk she hears.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I have done this.  That resolved many many issues.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I live continually with the awareness that I can die at any moment
without warning like my sister did.  It adds a certain carefulness
to my actions.  It is a voice for appreciating what is now.  It is
a voice that tells me that the plans I make may not be completed.
It is a voice for striving in every moment to make LIFE the most
it can be.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Talking/praying to my sister resolved all the things I wanted to
say to her -- but could not -- except like that.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I am not afraid of death.  That is the major outcome of my
experiences.  This means for one thing, that I don't appreciate the
news very much -- my point of view is so very different than theirs.
It is okay to die.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     A dream I had in which I died helped me most.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Superstition 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Neutral.  I am pretty comfortable talking about my sister's death.
I am pretty comfortable with the topic of death.  DON'T ASK ME TO
LOOK AT CAR ACCIDENT'S though...  And don't talk about car accidents
like  they are lighthearted conversation.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     You might include the question, " Was your loved one's death the
most difficult trial in your life? " That is a tacit assumption of
many many of your questions.  Or at least I heard that assumption
there.  For many of us, it is not the most difficult thing at all.
It is always good to test one's assumptions.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 21 03:41:58 1998
F29 in Lake Tahoe, NV =USA=
Name: Erin
Email: <poe-at-mindless.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Surviving Suicide;  How We Die 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Can't remember either writer 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when our physical bodies are challenged and can not overcome.
Anything more than that changes depending on who you speak with.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Couldn't grasp the reality of it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...our teenage neighbor hung himself
	accidentally...his sister ran next door to our house to get my mom
	to help....we were sent to another neighbor while my mom called
	an ambulance and went to the hospital with the body.  I was only
	3...but I remember it.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     How I used to be the most important person in her life....that I
knew everything she was thinking...and at her funeral I was one
of hundreds who were staking a claim as an important person in her
life....I took my place at the end of the line.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It is not bad.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     She visited me in a dream.  I have faith in happiness and
togetherness after death.  I view death as an incredible education
not attainable in this "alive" state we are in.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My own thoughts.  Music and images (mostly gothic) that made death
look beautiful.  The album cover of Dead Can Dance's "Within the
Realm of a Dying Sun" and music by This Mortal Coil.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not being able to justify my acute and never ending grief.
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I found out she had committed suicide.  I was jealous.  I didn't
know how to deal with that.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Talk to her one last time.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Get a copy of her autopsy report and police report (from the suicide
scene)....thankful I got to spend some time talking with the person
who found her.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I found an earring of hers in my jewelry box later....this small
object is priceless
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Everything mattered, everything was magnified

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear certain songs.  When I have to try very hard not to do the
same thing (suicide)...

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     We'd be frozen in 1988....all the highlights from my memories
would become the norm and the pain and hurt wouldn't exist as it
did...only in a glorified Hollywood way.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that I wasn't warned.....and that I didn't get to see her body.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     for once have someone ASK me about it.....no one ever does....I
have to speak about it on my own....
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     kept calling her answering machine.  Told all my friends....wanted
them to be shocked so that I could concentrate on someone else's
reaction, if only for a minute.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing spiritually, but the images and smells of the church at
the funeral were comforting.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Raised Catholic...no affiliation now...but very spiritual....I
believe in God...I don't believe in unwilling participation in
rituals that do nothing for me
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like it is trying to show itself in the trees
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     There were a lot of non-truths......a lot of scotch tape aspects
that tried desperately to make it all nice...but the reality is that
she would NEVER have liked 'From a Distance' by Bette Midler...and I
guess I say that all the time to maintain a special bond with her...

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Obsessing about the body.....autopsy....cremation.....

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     The abandonment of the will to live

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I can only hope it was beautiful for her
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I feel that the energy I have put (genuinely) into her memory
wouldn't have been warranted by the relationship we had before
her death.  I feel like I am living in glorified memories...yet I
know that she was all about reaching for memories and fantasies of
happier times....so I don't think she would mind.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I just want to know that she still remembers me like I remember her.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I made a "will" right after my friend died....I went through my
address book and highlighted important people who should be notified
if I were to die...I bought funeral expense insurance... I picked
out a picture of myself to be shown at my funeral.....I wrote
letters to everyone and sealed them in envelopes...just in case I
died....I didn't want to leave anyone with any wrong impressions
about my feelings for them.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't think about my own death as much as that of my husband.
We are both young, and my experiences with death lead me to believe
that I would not be a functioning human being if anything were to
ever happen to him....I would commit suicide to follow him...

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Ordering her autopsy and police reports, creating a file with
mementos of her in my home filing cabinet.....

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was all useful...I go over this stuff in my head daily, so most
of it is routine for me

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     more questions about peoples' reaction to what happens to the body
of their loved one...how they cope with autopsy, embalming, burial
and decomposition, cremation...etc.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 19 23:05:18 1998
M22 in Redmond, WA =USA=
Name: Alek Swanson
Email: <danstuckie-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: retail sales 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Any of the major religious Prophets( Baha'u'llah, Muhammad, 
	Jesus, etc.), Rumi (a sufi mystic). 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  1yr  ago.
Cause of Death: Car accident- head trauma;  Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     A transition for our souls from this material world of tests,
difficulties, and learning to a purely spiritual realm that utilizes
the spiritual faculties that we attempt to develope in this life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     accepted it. I knew I didn't understand it, because I was so young,
so, I just trusted my feelings. I also believed that I would come
to understand it if I wanted to.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My grandmother died, I guess of old age. I
	didn't really know her, but I kind of remember her funeral. I was
	maybe 4 or 5 years old.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the support and coming together of the family and friends to support
one another. And even more so that everyone supported me, since I
was the driver of the car in the accident where my friend died.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that death is a positive, and beautiful thing. Yes, a time of
physical separation, but moreso one of spiritual release.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     proof of my own inner strength, and love.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my belief in Baha'u'llah.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     My own guilt.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     talk to them. Reassure them. Give them love, not just verbal, but
true love. Project it from your soul. Pray for them. Be internally
strong, dying people are very sensitive spiritually, give them
strength from inside. Make your heart inside strong, secure, and
sincere. And lastly express your emotions, don't suppress of hide
them. You will never again have a physical opportunity to do so,
and expression takes true strength, not suppression.
 
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     endured, and always remembered and understood, EVERYTHING happens for
a real and positive reason, even if that reason is thickly veiled.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was waiting to find out whether my friend would live or pass on,
and the next day or two, trying to sort out my emotions.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     my memories of my friend and her inner beauty, combined with the
way dealing with death just completely exposes and brings your true
emotions to the fore, gave my pure joy and a reason for seeing the
beauty in the "loss."
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Be closer to my friend.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have a community of friends and family that are so understanding,
loving, and strong.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     anytime I would for a mental picture of my friend smiling or
laughing.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     actually, almost no one would talk directly to me about my feelings
or about what happened, they were supportive, but I think they
were (and many still are) afraid to bring it up with me, like it
would upset me to talk about it (make me mad or something, I don't
really know.)

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think I learned amazing things from this experience, and that it
enhanced mine and many other peoples lives around me, and as odd
as it may sound, I don't think I take it back for anything.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     accepted it, and began to search for what purpose her death served,
and what things her sacrifice bestowed upon myself and others.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     competence, and understanding. Then, again, this happened in a
very upscale mostly white neighborhood. Though, I guess that's
another issue.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     The Bahai Faith meant everything. It was the source of unity, of
love, and support. It gave me the phenomenal amount of strength I've
had to deal so well with this. It allowed me and everyone involved
to overcome any and all problems dealing with eachother. I give
all credit to God and Baha'u'llah, without which this would be a
very dark time.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     The Bahai Faith (past,present,eternity)
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     an inherent spiritual understanding, that man has. The soul is link
to the spiritual realm and God, though, we can hide that link from
ourselves very clevery.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     things just fell into place. If money was needed it was found,
usually because of the community support.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the number of people impacted by my friends life and death.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Being thankful that everyting happened.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I have friends who have had visions, and dreams of my dead friend. I
have felt her presence once or twice.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     Actually, I feel that she and I have resolved any issues since
she's passed on, and if I have need to resolve anything, I can go
directly to her and God.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would just like to tell her that I love her, and to have her tell
that she know that.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     All people should have a will and testament of some sort, to
explicitly lay out their wishes, and that should be respected,
but I don't think the final desires of someone in this material
world, would be the first thing on their minds in the next world,
unless it directly involved the future or health of another person.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'm not ready to die, I still have much to learn. If God decides to
take me from this world, then that is his will and I trust that,
but I don't believe my time will come for a long while. If it
were though I suppose I would pray even more for forgiveness and
gratitude, and I would probably try to travel out of the country
doing service if it were possible.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was good. I just hope my answers may be of use to you, and that
they might help someone else.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 18 15:02:24 1998
F18 in burlington, vermont =usa=
Email: <sugaredfrisbee-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 1 month ago ago.
Cause of Death: lou gehrigs disease;  Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     leaving the human life willingly or unwillingly. sometimes it can
be peaceful and sometimes painful, depending on how they die. you
will never see them again in the physical form.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't know how to handle this constant individual not being there
everyday. i constantly thought about the past and if i were ever
to see her again. i secluded myself for a while and didn't know
how to react to people-everything else seemed so pointless. i
cried......so much. eventually i learned that i couldn't just
wade in my self pity and think that thinking of her would bring
her back. the realization she wasn't returning was a big step to
me and i started putting my emotions into poetry and music and not
into my own personal self destruction.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was my stepmother and we were extremely
	close for the entire 8 years she was a part of my life

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     feeling that she was too young to go.....and the people around
me were all so young experiencing this. i felt ripped apart and
primarily figured out that life can't be taken for granted. you
never know when you might go and to take each day on this earth
for what it is and what it is trying to give you.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     they always live inside those they want to and always will. they
will always protect you in situations that you need them-their
souls live on forever.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     becoming closer to myself and my emotions. i learned how to deal
with just about every feeling i could ever think of-and finally
dealt with it positively, which is something i use every day. death
teaches you how to become more stable, i believe. it teaches you
to  deal with your emotions:confusion, sadness, anger, lostness,
frustration, love, and hate.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     thinking to myself and figuring it out on my own.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing they weren't there physically every day to talk to face
to face. also looking into her son's eyes-who was not even 1 when
she died and knowing that he would never know the most beautiful
woman in the world and the most amazing mother ever-that was very
difficult. it was also hard to be strong for people when i felt
even weaker than they did.
  
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     can be strong if you allow yourself to do so. weakness comes from
a part of you that is afraid to be strong.....we are all strong
people, you just need to allow yourself to feel;feel what you need
to. don't block anything out. you'll find it is quite enlightening.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i got the phone call that she was dead.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i never had the urge to laugh
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     have never left her side. i also wish i could've said goodbye to
her while she was still awake. i didn't get to before she peacefully
slipped into a coma.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know this magnificent woman and know now that she has changed my
life in so many ways and made me a powerful woman  i will always
be thankful for what she taught me about life when she was alive.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i played a song for her at her funeral...the same song i played for
her at her and my fathers' wedding. i felt it brought us together
and also took us apart --wind beneath my wings--bette midler
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     i can't say that anything didn't matter. i feel that every thing
that happened played a special part in the process. it  all has
its own meaning, you just have to figure it out.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     something reminds of her, or looking at pictures, and most of all
looking into my brothers beautiful blue eyes and think about how
he doesn't have a mother and never even knew her. that hits me
pretty hard.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i don't think it is healthy to think about that unrealistic life. we
spend all this time healing our wounds only to take  minds somewhere
else and envision a different life when we have worked so hard to
stabilize ourselves without them physically. you don't need to do
that. reach deep down into your heart and soul--you'll find endless
memories of that person, nobody can ever take those away from you,
not even the higher spirits. i think that picturing yourself in
another life with that loved one would make me sad instead of
remembering and smiling.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that the great ones have to go. enough said.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     runaway....to a place where the sun is shining and i'm surrounded by
beautiful,colorful, and aromatic flowers. i can think positively in
that situation instead of having my thoughts veer to negative things.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     lied in my sisters bed and cried holding a locket with her picture
in it close to my heart. i had been wearing it since she got sick
and felt that it was bringing her closer to my heart. my initial
reaction was tears, for days upon days.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     bitterness. i do not choose to use doctors. my stepmother would
be alive today if they had taken the time to check her out the
first time she went in instead of the eighth. they are greedy
sons-ofa-bitches. screw them all. in my opinion you realize from
an experience like that, where they are just taking your money
and your loved one-that money means nothing. love does-why can't
they realize what they do to peoples hearts? sure they get a full
wallet, but what about others emotions? i guess money  has become
more important to our society than love and helping others.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     see previous question
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     nothing
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     i don't believe in a particular god or one being that can control. i
believe in the higher spirits and each being representative of an
aspect of life-doing what they have to do to keep the circle going
around. i believe that somebodies spirit will live on forever....
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     walking first in line behind the casket as TAPS was being played and
trying not to cry as i walked by all these people that wanted to give
me their sympathy-i didn't really want it; it made me feel worse.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     having to be social after the services

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     weight loss, mind alterations, discoloration of the skin, appetite
loss, physical pains, nausea

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i know that she is well and looking as healthy and beautiful  as
she did when i first met her. she came to me the night of the wake
and sat in a rocking chair, said nothing but watched as my brother
peacefully slept. i knew at that point that wherever she had gone,
she had no pain any longer and could be as vivarent as she once
did. she came to say the goodbyes she did not get to do when she
was living. i was not frightened but quite enlightened that she was
in my presence and her soul was living on and caring for those she
unwillingly had to leave behind.
 
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     moral support and bringing up issues of happiness regarding the
loved ones death. many happy photos and stories and wine. happy
and colorful clothing as well. scratch the black out at my funeral.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i would hope that i don't die a painful death, but rather
peaceful and surrounded by individuals that care about me. i am
not particularly afraid to die, i am curious however. if i knew i
was to die soon, i would live each day as if it were my last. even
now i do that to an extent-

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     playing my music:drumming and flute playing. it is amazing how
unknowingly you can vent every emotion out that way, and make
beautiful music doing it.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     playing my music and deciding to base the majority of my life being
a free spirit as she would want me to be


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Friends' Insensitivities 
     her not being there any longer-
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     i think that this was quite a powerful questionarre. i had to
dig deep down for some of the answers which was powerful to me
considering  i haven't thought about many of the emotions i had
to experience at that time. i feel cleansed right now like i have
expressed some of the things i never got to because nobody thought
to ask me about them.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 18 09:09:03 1998
F20 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  18 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when the body stops working, but the soul lives on.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to realize consciously what was going on.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My father died from cancer when I was two years old.  My mother
	thought that I was too young to know what was going on, but I
	experienced night traumas and was somewhat reserved as a child.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     When my grandfather died he was buried near to my father's grave.
I cried and cried because it was the first time I had seen my
father's grave as an adult and I finally realized what I had lost.

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it is not something to be feared; that the soul is resting
and happy.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when my Aunt finally died after a long, painful stuggle with cancer.
She was in so much pain that death was in some ways a gift.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     reading the bible.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing that I would never know or remember my father.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to my grandparents about their experiences growing up.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     whenever bad things happen to me in my life I start thinking about my
father and wondering if he is watching me some where and helping me

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     be with my dad sometimes
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Mennonite
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     When I was at my grandfather's funeral I distinctly felt my father's
presence.  It was peaceful and somewhat reassuring, but it made me
feel sad at the same time.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I still feel that the lack of a real father figure has affected my
current relationships, especially with men.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'm not scared of death.  I think it will be relaxing, restful,
and peaceful.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     I was too young to really know what was going on.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 18 08:47:55 1998
F23 in richmond, va =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: full-time student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heartattack;  Aged: 61.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     eternal life either in heaven or hell.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     reacted from other's reactions.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... it was my father's mom, she was a well
	respected mother in the church.  And I remember my father preaching
	the funeral...

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how close our family became.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     nothing.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the dreams of reassurance that my dad was okay.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my family
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not being abe to talk to him again,
  
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     learned how to show my appreciation for those i love while they
are alive.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     why he left me so soon.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to my dad more about our relationship

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     not be a complete screw up while he was living
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I touched my dad's body at the morgue and his body turned completely
cold in a matter of seconds.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     material things.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i think about all that he's missing out on.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i might have moved to another state.  And we would have long
intellectual talks.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     i'm only 17, and he hasn't even seen me succeed in life.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to him one last time.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was speechless

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     disappointment.  My father died at one of the nations top hospitals.
It just goes to show that when God calls, everyone listens
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a lot.  Although i was disappointed in them at times
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Christian
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we didn't have any
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the people who came to show their respect

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
      my father somehow knowing he was going to die by the look on his
 face when he dropped me off at school that morning

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     PRAY

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I sometimes get the feeling that i am going to die young

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     journal writing and talking to my family

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I take life more serious. and I constantly share my appreciation
for my mother and other people who mean a lot to me

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 18 05:44:10 1998
F23 in stanwood, WA =USA=
Name: Stephanie
Email: <irland-at-juno.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Holy Bible 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	quite a few 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  4 months ago.
Cause of Death: rare blood disease;  Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     ya breathe your not dead, not breathe your dead.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     went numb

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my Grandfather died of cancer,my sister and
	I were living with him and Grandma.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     She was finally out of her misery.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It isn't a scary thing.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The gift of knowing I'll see them again,back on earth.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     The Bible
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Her not being here.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     talk openly about death.
 
--[My relative's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Relied on the Bible truths.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     never got confused

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     nerves
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     been there when she took her last breath.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     get through it
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     we talked about things not pertaining to death
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     who got to sit where, at the memorial service

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i realize they are not here for me to confide in.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     this IS our reality

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     no

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and cried and cried

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     none
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     good
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a big part of life
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I wont mention it due to the prejudice people have against it. sorry
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     when you die you die
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     didn't have problems
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     hypocrites

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     having a feeling of relief

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     lack of oxygen: blue lips, hard time breathing etc.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     no way
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     i resolved everything before she died

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     just hug and say I love you for ever

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     no resusitation

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have tried suicide 7 times. My death I await with a smile.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     writing

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     interesting unusual

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 17 20:04:02 1998
F29 in Lisbon Falls, ME ==
Name: Deborah
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: college professor 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Sand and Water (a music CD) 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Beth Neilson Chapman 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cardiac arrest following minor surgery;  Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My grandfather died of a stroke when I was
	not quite four years old.  I remember hiding in the corner of the
	room behind an arm chair with my sister when the police and the
	paramedics came to my grandparents house.  Later at the funeral,
	my parents lifted me down and I kissed him on the cheek.  I remember
	that... Remember feeling afraid.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the silence.  I was at the hospital with my parents and my brother-in
law waiting for some word.  You have to understand that my sister was
28 years old.  She was healthy, a fitness nut, actually.  And she
was absolutely gorgeous.  But she never saw herself that way.
She never thought she was good enough, pretty enough.  She died
following surgery to have her breast enlarged.  It's not clear why.
Her heart stopped and everyone in the medical clinic had left to
go to lunch.  No one was there to save her.  Her husband found her
turnng blue and ran for help and found only a nurse, who tried to
resucitate her.  I was in graduate school in Connecticut at the time
and so I heard about it while I was all alone.  I packed by bag in
the apartment where it was so quiet I could hear the clock ticking.
I had that same sense of silence, too, at the hospital when she
died the next day.  It's funny, we whispered and muffled our tears
as if the noise would somehow wake her from a peaceful sleep.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to talk about it.  After my grandfather died people stopped talking
about him.  And some people don't talk about my sister, either.
It's as if the mere mention of her name will send us into fits
of crying.  I want to talk about her.  She was an important part
of my life for 27 years, that connection simply doesn't end.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that I returned with my brother-in-law to their home after she died.
My parents when back to their house to make phone calls and I went to
be with John when he went to the house to pack a bag.  It's strange,
but I never felt her presence in the hospital.  Ever.  It was
as if she was already gone by the time I got there hours later.
But when I walked into the housr--into her house--if was as if she
was all around me, waiting for me.  Everything was exactly the way
she left it.  There were papers on the kitchen table, and grocery
lists pinned to the refrigerator door.  Upstairs, her jewelry was
laying on the dresser.  Days later when friends and family came
to the house after the funeral, everything was straigtened up and
put away.  Nobody else got to see what I saw.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     something strange, actually.  In the hospital after she died, I
asked one of the nurses to cut a lock of her hair for me.  She did
and handed it to me in a plastic bag, a bag that I carried with
me in my pocket for days afterwards.  Now, I have her lock of hair
and her picture in an antique locket I wear around my neck often,
just so I know that she's near.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the sense among friends and more distant family that grieving is
something to "get over," like an illness.  There was understanding
at first, of course, but then this sense that we should move on and
put it behind us--put HER behind us.  If finishing the grieving
process means putting her behind me than I will grieve forever.
Grief is not something that you get over, it simply becomes a part
of you, every bit as important as the good times we shared together.
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     well-meaning people kept telling me that it was "her time" to die.
It wasn't her time.  A stupid doctor made a stupid mistake and
she paid for it with her life.  I hated hearing that over and over
again, almost as much as I hated hearing people say that she had
"passed away."  She didn't pass away.  To say that she did would
suggest some kind of peaceful slumber and she had no such luxury.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it felt good. Strange, but good.  She was always very meticulous
about her appearance and she was always fixing her makeup.  At the
viewing at the funeral home I was crying and at some point and went
into the ladies room to freshen up and I went to check my makeup
in the mirror, just like she and I had done a million times before,
but there was no mirror!  Obviously the message here was that this
was not a time to be concerned about appearances, she would have
laughed at me I think.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk with her one last time.  I was angry about the surgery.
Angry that she would do this to herself, and so I didn't call.
I knew she wanted my support and I couldn't give it and I didn't
want to argue with her.  So I didn't call.  I never had a chance
to say goodbye.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     speak at her funeral.  I read a poem she wrote when she was eight
years old about our grandfather who had died.  I was able to read
it in a loud and clear voice, but I broke down and sobbed after it
was over.  I am glad I was able to do that for her.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     viewing her body in the funeral parlor.  People seem to think that
a viewing helps one to "accept" someone's death.  For me, it didn't
help at all.  I wanted to remember her the way she was.  That body
lying in a casket wasn't my sister.  Patti had wonderful blue eyes
and a sparkling smile, and those were gone.  I put pictures up all
around the room.  Pictures of all the good memories we shared as
a family.  But people didn't look at them at all.  They simply paid
their quiet respects to the casket and walked by.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see something that I know she would have appreciated.  I've watched
her son grown up into a fine little boy.  I've watched him go off
to school for the first time, and I wish she could have experienced
that.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     It would look normal.  What we've experienced feels abnormal.
Like a part of my body is missing.  There is an old song called the
"Vacant Chair," and that's what it feels like.  I would like my
life to feel whole again.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     It really isn't fair.  It's not fair for someone so young to die
without purpose.  There's no explanation, no good that has come
from it.  Because of the way in which she died we couldn't even
donate her organs to help others.  She would have wanted that.
It was such a waste of a precious life.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     hear her voice again.  Sometimes I think that I'm beginning to
forget the sound of her voice.  And if I'm beginning to forget,
what hope is there that her son (who was four when she died) will
ever remember his Mama and how much she loved him?
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt very much alone.  For several days after she died I felt her
presence, I think.  But at some point right before the funeral,
as I was making the arragements one morning, I suddenly felt like
she was gone.  Just like that.  Her body had already left, but it
was as if her spirit did too.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     both hatred and compassion.  I hate the plastic surgeon who left
her when she needed help most.  But I appreciate the nurses and
doctors who cared for her at the hospital later. By the I got to
the hospital she was horribly swollen from brain damage.  I showed
the nurses a picture of her, of the was she really looked.  When she
died, they cried with us.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     little, I'm afraid, at least to me.  For my parents, religion has
been a great strength.  But for me I have a hard time believing in
a God that would let something like this happen for no reason.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we filed a lawsuit for medical negligence after her death.  The case
has yet to come to trial, but the issue is becoming contentious.
My brother-in-law began dating not long after my sister's death
and is now living with a woman to whom he has given my sister's
wedding band and engagement ring to wear, along her all of her
clothes (the clothes we begged to have back, but seeing those rings
on another woman's hand are a constant source of pain).  I fear
that my brother-in-law will settle the case and enjoy the money.
I'd rather see him mourn my sister and respect her memory.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the huge line of people waiting to go through the receiving line.
It wound out the door and around the corner.  I never wanted it to
end, because it was proof that she was loved in this life.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Not long after Patti died I had a dream about her.  I was at
home in my family^s kitchen.  I walked over to the window and
pulled aside the curtains to let in the sunlight and I saw her.
She was standing outside crying, pounding on the window, with tears
streaming down her face.  She was screaming, but no one could hear.
She looked just as she had at the funeral home, with the same
contrived hairstyle and dress, as if she had just awakened from a
long sleep and could not find her way home.    I remember trying
to call for my Mom, to tell her it was Patti, but I could not speak.
Finally, I spun around and ran out the door and around the corner.
I remember thinking that when I saw her, she would disappear like
fairy dust, but she didn^t.  I reached out and hugged her and held
her tight in disbelief.  I could feel my arms around her, her heart
beating against mine, her tears against my cheek.     At that
moment, I awoke, feeling empty and alone.  It was a sweet moment that
dissolved into the morning dawn, and all that remained was an image
of her crying, pounding on the window with no one there to hear.
  I remember my Mom telling me about the dream she had of Patti
the night before she died.  She saw her sitting up in her hospital
bed smiling, telling her that she was all right, and not to worry.
I wanted that same comfort, that same solace to assure me that she
is safe and happy somewhere, even if it is a place far from home.
Instead, I have not been able to shake the feeling that she is lost
somewhere alone, missing those she loves as much as we miss her.
  The day she died her husband and I joked that if anyone was to
have an out-of-body experience, it would be her, because she always
believed in wonderful, mystical things.  He said it would be just
like her to haunt him as a friendly ghost, and he hoped she would
because he wanted so badly to see her again.  Well, I hope she will
haunt me, too, if only in my dreams.  It is indeed "a secret place,
the land of tears," but if by chance find here there again, perhaps
we can share our sorrow together, and know we are not alone.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't fear it as much as I used to.  If there is life after death,
than I hope we'll meet again.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 17 16:44:18 1998
F24 in Logan, Utah =USA=
Name: Andrea Hamaker
Email: <sl7w1-at-cc.usu.edu>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: health Education specialist 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	bible 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: hit and run by car;  Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a transition to afterlife

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     thought it was strange, but my parents prepared me well

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I attended a funeral of a cousin with my
	parents

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     there was no closure for me-  I still expect to see her and have
wild adventures together again

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     talk about it and feel free to cry

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my grandmothers death.  She was in a lot of pain

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My religious faith
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     My own grief-  not having them there when I want to be with them
and the way it makes me view my own life.
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     It relieved so much stress.  I felt guilty at the time but I know
it was healthy
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say good bye and tell them of my love and respect for them

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have a good support system
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see a sad movie about death or I see others grieve

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why did it happen to her

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried a lot and I had a hard time wondering why, and I was scared
it might happen to me.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     gratitude- I feel they did their best.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     They were matter of fact, yet caring at the same time.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     EVERYTHING.  I am very religious and I can't imgine what it would
be like to not have that faith.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     right, I agree with it.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it was so sad.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     viewing

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     they talked of past family members that were in the room.
 
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Prayer, I wrote a letter to them, I listened to songs that reminded
me of them.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I get a headache when I think about these things, I think the
questions were good ones that made me think of my feelings

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 17 15:11:18 1998
F15 in seattle, wa =usa=
Name: jesse
Email: <owtcast-at-hotmail.com>
   Web: http://WWW.geocities.com/sunsetstrip/palms/5856/
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  yahoo
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Prof/Studies: kid 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, few months ago.
Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 89.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     losing somebody you love and not getting them back EVER.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't know.... then felt guilty

--That first time, how it happened was
     this kid I used to pick on on my bus suffocated in the sand when
	he was building a cave

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     I fell down and cried for 40 minutes straight

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     its crappy

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I don't have to go to the nursing home anymore?

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my online friends
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not being able to tell people how I felt
  
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     uhhh I dnd't learn anything... except that I know I can handle
more...

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     they talked like he was still aloive

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     laughing is bad
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     know him before his stroke

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     not kill myself
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Zoning Out 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Avoiding Everything 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 17 14:38:52 1998
F28 in Martin, TN =USA=
Name: Avis
Email: <bartkus-at-aeneas.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Human Environmental Science (dietetics Concentration) 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: boat accident(sister also died);  Aged: 16 & 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Leaving your body to go on to another time and place never to return

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Was very young and didn't have the empty pain although I missed him

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My fathers best friend died of cancer when
	I was six.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     People wanted me to validate their pain because it was my families
loss. I just kept smiling no matter how hard it was for days.I
Couldn't eat and no one would leave me alone about it.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     People need more time to deal with the overwelming loss. Americans
don't want to see anyone mourning, we don't allow it to go on as
long as some people need to. We overwelm them for a week or so then
life goes on as it is supposed to normally.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I had the oppertunity to be in touch with people I had lost track
of for many years. (some good, some bad!!)

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My husband and I were only married four months and he was an
incredible source of strength. Keeping a journal the whole time
helped although some parts I still can't go back and read. My
cat helped!
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Being a constant source of strength for everyone else! I was in
incredable pain but I couldn't mourn until after everone else
finished, after the funeral.Oh, and dealing with the real wackos
that funerals seem to bring out!
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     N/A
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     If there are a lot of people at the funeral give the family some
space and time to mourn. Afterwards be there for them but don't
expect them to talk about it unless they want to and don't everwelm
them with looks of pity Those looks bring it all rushing back. Get
them out on a nature walk and make them laugh!

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     When I was preg. with my first child and I was angry that they
wern't going to be there to share it with me. I realized that I
had some issues that I never got to settel with my mother.  I did't
know how to deal with it, I tend to keep things inside to myself.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     You just can't explain how good it feels to laugh when your hurting
so much inside.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Talk to them one last time

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Donate to their favorate causes in their names
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     Reading cards from people with their favorite memory of the loved one
, esp after the funeral when it is quiet agian and the emptyness was
overwelming.--also when people helped with the funeral arrangments
and took over the household chores for us and took friends and
family into their homes when we ran out of space so that we could
be close together.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Having to greet, hear and talk to everyone within the first couple
of days This was so overwelming . At a few points I just wanted to
be left alone and people seemed to be scared of that

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     the holidays come around, esp bithdays. My sisters was three days
before mine, I don't celebrate it anymore. Weddings, our last big
family event.And seeing my sisters in law together with their babies
and mom.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would live closer to my home were I grew up and My father would
not be alone

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     well , at every thing

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Get away, sleep, vacation or just forget
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was very empty all of a sudden and my heart hurt, I just wanted to
go to sleep

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     There wasn't anything that we could do
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     N/A
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     The church helped my father more, I relied on my husband
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Methodist
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I have a broader oponion of what happens after death but belief in
that spirit and afterlife lessened the loss cnsiderably
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     My fathers friend took over the finances during the time because
we did't care what happened
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     There was't even standing room at the church the large attendance
made me very proud it was in our home that the large ammounts of
peopl became overwelming

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Sharing my feelings anger and saddness overcome me

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     My sister died in the intensive care unit, they tried to explain
to us how she would look but it was horrible my last memory of her
was that scene. I am glad my mother was already gone

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     N/A
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     N/A
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I shared my feelings with my husband somewhat but mostly I write
it in the journal I keep

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I love and miss you, I say it every night when I pray

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     My sister was taken off life support. My father and I agreed because
our family all believe in the right to die she wanted that , we
all had said none of us would be kept alive on support unless there
was a chance to come back

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would leave a message for my son for when he gets older I often
wish mymother had left final words for me somewere

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     My father got a reading from a psyic and that really helped him
although I did't share his enthusiasm. Writng, art, exercise all
helped me

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I pray to god everyday and I ususlly include a message for them,
I was a nursing student but quit because it brought back the pain
on a daily bases

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Keeping Busy 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     This was a helpful experience, It is easier to talk to a stranger
about this topic for me

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 17 12:30:50 1998
F19 in Manchester, New Hampshire =United States=
Name: Kristi Roy
Email: <cheeba420__-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  just typed in dying
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Prof/Studies: school in fall 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;  Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when a higher power needs us to fulfill something some wheres else
and therefore takes us away but our souls live forever

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     really didn't know what to think about it. I was 12 and I know that
I should have cried so I tried to make myself cry. It was the death
of my Grandmother but we weren't close at all so it was like someone
else died. I didn't know what to think of it all.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grndmothers death. Then shortly after my
	dads' death

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     sadness. And lots of questions...like why did he die. How would
everyone deal with this. Would it cause more deaths?

--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Everyone will die eventually. Nobody is immortal.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That I knew the person and that at the funeral though not the best
place to do it.... everyone became closer.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my friends
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the question why did they die.
  
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was there for them when they were alive. And that i will never
forget them.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     why they died

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it is part of the healing process..maybe because you know that they
are completely safe now.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with my friend

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     go to the funeral and wake...as part of the closer period
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the strong feeling of love I had for that person.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear of someone else dying and I think of the pain and grief that
some people are going through.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would have my best friend back

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that such a young kid had to die and be taken away from his
loved ones

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     be with him
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     got depressed and cried alot

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how close everyone became

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Me wishes it were me and not him

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Viewing the Body 
     just my belief that there is a higher power along with viewing the
body for closer


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 16 16:30:14 1998
F16 in atkins, arkansas =usa=
Name: jennnifer parker
Email: <oscaremt-at-ipa.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: high school student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Precious moments bible 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance,  2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: terminal bone cancer;  Aged: 36.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the loss of something very precious to your very heart and soul.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     could not understand why God would take this person from me. or
why the person who is dying pulls away from you.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My Great Grandfather whom I was very close
	to died and my Grandmother refused to let me go to the funeral.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the sadness of all who are invblved and the questions no one
can answer

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that you  don't lose the person completely just the physical form
of the person

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it brings people together

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     friends support and meditation.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not knowing for sure if they were dying because they pull away.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     be sure they know that you love them and that if they think puling
away will protect you they are wrong it just hurts you more because
you spend a lot of time wondering if they are in pain if they know
you love them ifthey are still alive
 
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     dealt with the pain from the entire family it is even harder when it
is a family friend because you have no one to talk to so i suggest
you r best friend or spiratual advisor

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     a friend of mine is sick now and he has pulled away from many of us
and we don't know if his cancer is cured or if it slowly killing him

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i think when we laugh like that it is are way of relaxing and
remebering the good things about that person
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell some people how i feel about  them

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     grieve in my own way with as much time as i needed with  everyones
help
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     people i thought didn't really liked me became my close friends and
were not mad when i woke them up at all hours of the night just to
talk about that person
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     how big the funeral was and if you cried

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     a major event happens and i look at my family and friends and
realize that that person is not there to share my moment

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that thatperson died so young and had yet to accoplish every thing
they wanted in life

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     learned to meditate and to remember that they will always be with me.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     Friends acting as spirtual advisors

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 
     People not understanding why you get upset when a friend is possibly
dying but they refuse to talk to you after they get sick therefore
you don't know for sure.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 15 15:09:00 1998
F26 in Brooklyn, NY =USA=
Name: gayle
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Executive Assistant 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	The  Tibetan Book of Living and Dying  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 3 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack;  Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the point where we end our time on this earth and find a deeper
sense of serenity and peace in another place.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was melancholy.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my paternal grandfather passed away from
	old age.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     not feeling much of anything until I actually saw the casket.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not to be afraid of it.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the ending of the suffering for those who experience it and the
peace with which death comes for the others.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     nature
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     acceptance and realization and at times feeling guilty for not
feeling more sorrow.
  
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     My innocence and age

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Upbringing 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 15 14:34:03 1998
Anonymous Guest 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Hospice ]
  Pursueing employment in Hospice an an RN.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,   42 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: being struck by a car while riding his bicycle;  Aged: 8.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     an experience which elicits a variety of emotions specific to
the individual affected.  The form which these behaviors takes is
affected by the individuals family training, education, cultural
values and spiritual beleifs.    Scientificly, death is a
natural state which every living thing experiences on the planet.
Our experience is based mainly on the Animal Kingdom.  Death is
essentially, the process in which normal body functions shut down
and cease to perform their specific functions to maintain life.
  Emotionally, humans responses range from calm acceptance to
screaming denial.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...   One week after visiting my Grandmother who
	was 85 years old at my aunts house in the country, she passed on.
	I was ten years old.  My aunt had gone to the barn to get the car to
	visit the bank and drove up the then end of a long sidewalk to the
	front door of the house.  My aunt looked up to watch her mother.
	Grandma was using a cane, dressed in a blue suit and white silk
	blouse with a ruffle tie at the neck and a blue hat.    It was
	an August day, the temperature was in the high 70's.  The sun was
	streaming through the elm trees, dabbleing the lawn with differant
	shades of green.  Grandma looked up at my aunt, waived, mouthed
	the words "by-by", collapsed and died early the next day.  Though
	greiving, my entire family expressed the wonder of her passing.
	Painless, dignity intact, forward looking and in glorious beauty.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that I would never experience thier living, loving presence anymore.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Continue to be mutually supportive and accepting.  While alive,
the dying person needs you and you need them.  They are not alone.
They have you and you must have them, as long as possible.
 
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     in all of the turmoil, denial, pain and confusion, that we all face
death ultimately.  Almost like "duh!"
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     discovering, consistantly over a long term, that aside from the
fundemental essentials relating to death process and the absence of
live, is that once an individual died, some identifiable essance
was gone.  As if there were three people in the room and then,
there were only two.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     cyanosis and mottleing and coolness in the extrematies, high or
low heart beat, resperations, low blood levels of oxygen, gurggling
from the throat.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     the presence of "others" is very common.
 
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     When working in a Long Term Care Facility as an RN, many of my
patients die.  When the families needs are met, the administrative
work completed, I often assist the funeral home driver with
transportation of the deceased out of the facility.  It is my ritual
of doing the most I can for someone in need and also acts a closure
when the drivers close the doors.  At that point, my responsibilities
as a care giver for that individual are over.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well
     The acceptance that the process of death was a normal and ultimate
conclusion to living.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 15 13:20:00 1998
F43 in North Plainfield, New Jersey =USA=
Email: <thebear12-at-erols.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: LPN 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 30 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: renal shut down;  Aged: 66.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a passing on to another world where there is no pain and suffering
and all tose that you loved before will be there to help with
the transition

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     totally freaked out

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandmother passed on to the other side

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     seeing my grandmothers body with make up when she had been in the
hospital for so many years and never wore any

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is not the end that we can still comunicate with those who
have passed

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     is knowing that my gandfather was not suffering any more

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     finding peace within myself by listening to my heart and hearing
what was being said to me
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the physical lost of having that person put there arms around me
or laughing with them
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     taking to them and letting them know that you are there and that
it is ok for them to move on
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     still talk to him and know that he is always here for me

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the spirt left the body and they still look like they were breathing

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     laugh out loud
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     grow older before he passed

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     share what time he did have with me.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     We open the windows and let the spirt out and also when we said it
was ok to move on and we'd be ok here
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     how the body look in the casket

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     go to the cemetary and talk to him

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     it is when I do this that I can then smell the cigars and feel my
grandfather nearer to me

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     reach out and hold him and turn the clock back to when I was 9
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     spoke out loud to them and said what I had to say.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     it was so long ago and they were of no support at all
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     go every sunday and you'll go to heaven
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I do strongly beive in GOD, but I do not pratice or I should say
partake in an organized reliogon
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
      yes we are all bound in the one thing that we all have a spirt
 and that we all can chose how we let that spirt live
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     funeral are a total waste of money and they are an outrage when it
comes to preying on the ones left in there time of greif or suffering
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Hereing people talk about me while I am standing there  and
discussing our family as if we are not there at all

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     going to a wake

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     I know what to look for because I am a nurse but one thing is that
ususally the 24 hours preceeding death the person will seem to be
better it is when they need to let go and say there statements

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't know if grandpa ever experienced this I do with him coming
to me from the other side and we chat alot!!!
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I would like very much to meet Mr Laprauge who does communicated
with people who have crossed over

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I think that I do talk and see my grandfather around me I guess
I would like to be really sure of this.  I know that if I could I
would jump at the chance to speak with him agian

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Honor my wishes what ever they maybe at the time and Never forget
that I will always be around

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I just hope that everything I belive in is true and that I will see
those around me who help bring you over to the other side and that
I can still watch over those who I left behind.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I do a candle burnig for the person who passed on and I also always
talk to those who I really need

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Mystical Studies 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 15 08:21:55 1998
F19 in mississauga, ontario =canada=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: art student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: not totally sure;  Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the crossing over from life, it is the total and absolute freedom
of the soul, something that nobody living can understand.  it causes
grief among the people left behind.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was not affected because i did not know the person who died very
well, could not even speak his language.

--That first time, how it happened was
     it was my grandfather in europe, and i didn't really know him,
	so it didn't affect me very much.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     me pretending to cry at the funeral because i would have felt guilty
if i didn't look upset.

--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     nobody knows what happens afterward, i think we need to learn how
to better deal with our grief.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that my grandmother now has the ability to do whatever she likes
without the interference of her husband.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     everyone to stop rehashing it over and over.  It happened 2 years
ago, but everytime we have a family dinner (for birthdays, christmas,
etc.) the conversation always inevitably turns to subject of my
grandfather and his passing.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     right after the funeral, when we went for refreshments, everyone was
talking and laughing, and i thought, 'isn't this supposed to be sad?'

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was at the funeral, and it just seemed funny because i was
pretending to cry.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with my grandfather.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i'm not really affected by the whole thing at all.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     i'm very open to death, fascinated by it, i don't see it as not
being fair.  It is a natural occurence, although it is sad when a
baby or child dies.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     i accepted it right away, i knew it was coming.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     the medical community deserves a lot of thanks.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I am not religious, although raised Roman Catholic.  I am 19,
and trying to develop my own belief system.  I dislike organized
religion.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     None now, (though i am very curious in ancient/pagan religions).
I was raised Roman Catholic.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     most of the people seemed fake, as if they were thinking of better
things to do with their time, which i can understand, because they
didn't even know my grandfather.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     it didn't affect me as much as i thought it would.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     there were none, as i can recall.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     to be honest, i didn't really know my grandfather.  Every once in
awhile, i hear stories about him and i had no idea of what he was
really like..

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i have attempted suicide before, although i stopped myself, because i
realized some things about myself, and my life, and what i haven't
accomplished yet.  Anyhow, when it is time for my death, i won't
be as afraid as most people are when it comes to dying.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I believe in angels, and sometimes perform ancient magick (always
good) to help me get in touch with "the other realm."

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Avoiding Everything 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Passage of Time 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 15 08:02:53 1998
F44 in Moundsville, WV =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 12 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 34.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of life as we now know it

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was young and really didn't realize what was going on

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...death of grandfather

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     wondering how it would affect my life and my childrens lives

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     a friend
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the thought that they would no longer be here
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell that person goodbye and how much I loved them

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think it would have been better if my children had grown up with
their father

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     he is too young to die

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     my husband was a police officer when he died and they were all very
supportive and it really helped me get through the bad times and
they still remain close to my heart

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     not just ready to go yet

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

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Tue Apr 14 19:46:05 1998
F16 in Elora, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Lois Elsby
Email: <lois.elsby-at-mailexcite.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: parents wouldnt tell me;  Aged: 70 +.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was my great grandmother died and i felt guilty
	about not visiting...

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

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Tue Apr 14 18:37:00 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 week ago.
Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 95.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...t was the death  of a close friend who
	had been sick with cancer, and who passed away without our seeing
	her again

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Crying and Crying 

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F17 in Mississauga, ON =Canada=
Name: Christina
Email: <sweetz32-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, months ago.
Cause of Death: brutal beating;  Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the time we pass away from this life into something unknown. The
body functions no more, but the soul lives on.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was unsure of what to do; I cried and tried to go on without her.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was my grandmother who I lived with for
	8 years. She suffered a lot before she died.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     I just met him a few weeks before and thought what an amazing person
he was. I looked forward to see him again when he came back to
Canada. He was one of my dad's good friends and business partner,
and I think about the things that were going to happen if he was
still alive.

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     I don't know how Romanians deal with death!

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     before my grandma died she suffered a lot physically and emotionally,
which made us suffer to.  When she died I knew she would be finally
at rest.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I think it was with time that I came to terms with it, however,
it was not a long time at all. I just accepted it.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     going on with life without my grandma, on whom I relied for all of
my 8 years of life. I had to mature really quickly b/c all I had
left was my mom who worked a lot.  Also, not saying things I've
been meaning to say.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     let them know you care, you love them and everything else you've
been meaning to tell them. Let them know you don't blame them or
yourself for their dying.
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     came to just accept it - I don't really know how, but I did! I was
8, but it didn't have any psychological affects on me. Ever since
than every time I see or hear about someone die, it hurts me a lot
even if I didn't know the person, but I just accept it and move on.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it never happened to me. I don't think death ever made me laugh,
I never had the urge.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell them everything I've been holding back from them, everything
I've been meaning to tell them but never got the chance. And yeah,
I'd call that a regret.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     cope!
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     there are times when I do miss my grandmother immensely(the only
really close person to me that died), like when people talk about
their grandparents and knowing I don't have any left (I only knew
1 of them) it makes me sad, and sometimes I'll remember special
moments and I have tears in my eyes.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I'd have someone to turn to when my mom & step-dad and I were having
problems, someone who can give me grandmotherly advice and bake me
goodies and someone who is always there to give me a big hug...

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     she was a great person... what will I do without her?

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they didn't do much! They said they simply couldn't.  Maybe that's
why I want to be a doctor - to help others and save someone else's
life.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Although I went to church and believed in God, I didn't get any
support from the church that I am aware of.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the people comforting me or thinking I needed extra special care. The
comforting was good but I didn't like all the extra attention.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I wasn't there when she died, I only saw her a few hours later.
 
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     If I die I want my organs donated and maybe money donated to a
charity. I expect that these wishes will be kept, whether my family
agrees with it or not.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am very aware of my mortality - I escaped death a few times it
seems. I'd like to know if I'd die soon b/c I would be able to
do all those things I've been meaning to do, talk to people I've
been meaning to talk to, etc. I am not afraid to die young, but
if I did, I would like it to be either saving someone's life or
"in the line of duty" (army). I would like all my loved ones by
my bedside if I didn't die instantly.  I guess I just want to be
remembered for something before I die, and I'm not afraid to die
to save someone else eg. shield from a bullet. But I guess we all
dream of the perfect death.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     I've always dealt good with any situation, I guess I'm just a
strong person.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I don't really think this questionnaire affected me in any way. I
don't mean to sound like I don't care about people dying, I do! It's
just that I ACCEPT it better than some people and know it's part
of life.  I get angry at people dying by getting shot, especially
if they're innocent, but otherwise I just come to terms pretty
easily.   

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Tue Apr 14 16:56:24 1998
Anonymous F Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin,  not quite 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 34.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     not fun. It scares us because at some point in time the same thing
will happen to us, and we know that there's no avoiding it.. we
don't like things that we dont' know about....

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried and cried.  then i got all mad at my sister

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was my like kinda Grandma.. i was 7 or
	eight.. it was actually my half-brother's dad's mother....

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     my sister was with her friend, and she didn't know the person so
she just kinda laughed....

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's not so bad.. just no fun

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my friends were so supportive!! they gaveme this really nice card,
and when i had ot go to school, they helped me take my mind of it.my

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my friends
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the fact that he left behinda  two year old daughter nad a wife.. his
daughter especaillly deserved to know hwat it was like to have a
dad.. it wasn't fair-at-!
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     listening.. i didn't know he was going to die.. he had cancer,
but it had a high cure rate, and he was in one of the best places
to treat it with.. he didn't talk to me that much, but when he did,
i felt better, but i'm not sure if he did....
 
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     got on wiht my life.. it was hard, but i did it, and i also helped
his wife.. i babysit for her daughter a lot.. it's not tha tbig of a
thing, but i think that maybe i'm doing what he would want me to do.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i have no idea

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i didn't ever laugh, but i though about it.  I think it was because
i was trying to make it seem no treal, like it had never happened,
because if it had, i wouldn't be sitting there laughing
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     get to know my cousin better. He was 34, i was 12... i didn't
know him..

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     keep control of myself, and maybe help my parents nad his family
out some
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i think it was when everyone was just standing by his bed, tellin
ghim to let go
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the decision to take him off the machines.. he hadn't wanted to be
on them, and when the doctor said he didnt' have a chance, it was
just hte thing to do..

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i see little things.. thingst that remind me of him, not like
pictures, but he was the BIGGEST foot ball fan ever, so ehn i see
a great moment in a football game, the first thing i think is that
he should be here

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i never really did htat,

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he died, and left a wife not even in her mid-30's to raise a
daughter who was only two, and that his daughter is going to have
to grow up without a father

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     not wisht.. i do.  i get so mad, so angry, i just sit there and
cuss out god, i know it's bad, etc, etc, but it helps..
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     i'm not sure.. i was kinda knowing it was going to happen.. i
didn't ever really break down and cry like i do when i'm hurt
(both physically and mentally).. i just stood there and tried to
help everyone else, especailly i tried ot keep his daughter from
seeing everyone crying, 'cause she didn't understand it..

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they tried their best, i'm thankful to them, but i still wish
they would have done more.  I mean, what if they had done this
little thing differently, maybe he wouldn't have died.  But i've
basically accepted that he died, and there's nothing anyone can do
to change it.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     there was no hospice.. on sunday, he was doing fine, everything
was going great, and by Saturday he was dead...
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     It helped ot have a pastor there praying.. made me think that maybe
there was a reason..
 
--Religious Affiliation:
      I belong to the Methodist Church
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     basically ture.. have u ever noticed that most culture's idea of what
happens after death is kinda ht esame? there's always an afterlife...
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     his wife was left to pay somewhere in 100,000 of medical bils
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it wasn't like most funerals, where everyone was dressed in black,
everyone was wearing light color....

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     just knowing that it was happening.  Although my kinda grandma had
died before, i hadn't really experienced death.  it was weird

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     no idea
 
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i wrote everything i could think of down, and hten i went and threw
it away.  it was like i was temporarly gettting rid of the problem,
i also wrote it down in a journal, that i kept

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I try to live more, i used to be a really serious person, but now
im' more easy going. i try to have fun

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

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Tue Apr 14 13:15:05 1998
F21 in denver, colorado =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: acupuncture, massage therapy 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumor;  Aged: 12.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     for me:  death is a resting period between your separate lives,
perhaps to decide what to do next, what form to return in...

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt nothing at all.  i didn't cry or tell anyone.  my parents
didn't even know until a year ago.  but it changed me a lot because
i had always known kids could die, but i didn't realize it would
be someone i knew.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  in fifth grade my best friend died of a
	brain tumor.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     in highschool, i knew a dozen kids who died in car accidents and
suicides.  our whole school was very morbid and no one seemed to
care too much about anything.  everyone was into art and writing
and noone was too interested in learning.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     they need to stop fearing death.  it is not a bad or scary thing,
it is part of life.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it made me aware that i should appreciate life.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     time alone to think.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not sharing it with anyone.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     n/a
 
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i couldn't cry so i laughed because that was the only way to get
the emotions out.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with my friend before she left and tell her how
much she meant to me.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i thought it was strange that people were so depressed and upset
and i was mad at my elementary school for putting up a memorial
as if she were so much more special than everyone else because if
someone less popular had died, i felt no one would have noticed.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     whether the person was going to heaven.  (i do not believe in heaven
or hell)

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i don't get upset considering death or life.  i feel death is just
another change and probably less painful than the lessons we go
through in this life.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i am not friends with anyone i knew back then so i am not sure it
made a difference.  perhaps i wouldn't have such unconventional
views on death, though.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why did my friend in fifth grade have to die because she just seemed
so young to have to make the choice herself (she knew the operation
had only a 50/50 chance and took it anyway)

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     stopped being afraid of death and i tried to not be afraid of life,
either.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     i had no religion at the time, i was just kind of pantheistic
(god is in everything)
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     wiccan now.  was christian, agnostic, pantheistic...
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     just right :) everything is connected and only in death do people
truly see this as being true.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     friend, so we weren't involved in the money, especially since my
parents didn't know.  i wished i could have sent flowers to her
family though.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     i didn't go to the funeral as i was only in fifth grade and had no
way to get there.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     hearing my sister crying over my friend's death when i couldn't
do it.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the person seems so calm and sets everything inline so there will
be no regrets.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     she and i had grown apart the last six months because she was
a grade below me and we never saw each other any more.  i wish i
could have been there more for her.  but that is just a wish so
there is nothing i can do about it.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would just give her a hug.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     i am about to get my DNR (do not resussitate) necklace because i do
not want anyone to bring me back if it is my time to go.  i think
that people should not think aobut themselves, but how the person
they are forcing to live woudl feel about it.  i would not want to
be on a ventilator even if for only a month and i would not like to
live if i could not take care of myself.  it should be up to the
person and anyone who feels they do not want to live if something
should happen to them, no matter what the age, should be allowed
to get a dnr notice.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i will be cremated and my ashes strewn over a mountain by a stream
and there will be a party afterwards to celebrate my life and what
i have done and hopefully not focus so much on what i will never do.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     my religion has many ceremonies throughout the year which focus on
the cycles of life that help prepare people for death.  they help
us realize that life continues when the body stops and that death
is not a bad thing, but just another step in life.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     i never really dealt with it, never cried or anything never told
my parents.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 
     no communication with anyone

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     i think this asked some good questions because most people don't
think much about death.

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Mon Apr 13 00:43:35 1998
M21 in San Marcos, Tx =USA=
Name: Mike Arfken
Email: <ma20302-at-swt.edu>
   Web: http://WWW.swt.edu/~ma20302/mikearfken.html
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student - Psychology/Philosophy 
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	The Death of Ivan Illich (SP?) 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Leo Tolstoy 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Car accident;  Aged: 17 - 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     A necessary requirement for life. How one lives his life may very
well be the most important factor as to how one approaches death.

--That first time, how it happened was
     A friend of mine died in a car accident.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Not to avoid or denie it.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 
     I did not really think of my own mortality. I just knew I would
miss him

     Nothing really. I guess I am still dealing with death since it
makes it difficult to deal with life otherwise.

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Sun Apr 12 19:10:55 1998
F28 in jacksonville, fl =usa=
Name: lynne
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  from Yahoo! social science subdirectory, looking for Myers-Briggs on-line.
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Prof/Studies: psychology graduate 
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	A Grief Observed 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	C.S. Lewis 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 years ago.
Cause of Death: scirrosis of the liver;  Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a cessation of life force in the body  or a cessation of interaction
with the environment

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     went to the funeral and thought not much about it.  I hadn't have
a lot of daily interaction with the person.

--That first time, how it happened was
     Father of an acquaintance at church.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the loss of security that this person would 'always be around'
for answering questions about family history, etc.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     guilt about what one might/should have said to or done for the
deceased before they died is self-destructive.  The deceased now
either: 1) is at peace and has forgiven you for the slight or 2)
has worse problems.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     death of my paternal grandfather caused my father to realize he
wanted a closer relationship with me and my sister than he had
with his own father.  That is, brought the remaining family closer
together.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the belief that God has it all "under control".
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     loss of that person's physical availability to me.
  
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     learned to appreciate the time I still have with my remaining
relatives

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I was releasing stress and I was so sick of crying that laughing
was a relief.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     find out about his life and what made him the way that he was/father
that he was/person that he was.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     The 'survivors' remembered the good things about the decdent rather
than dwelling on their sadness at the loss of the physical company
of the decedent.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     worrying about how the decedent would have wanted the service/music,
etc.  Though doing thing's they 'would have wanted it', is nice in
its respectful tone, the decedent isn't really in a position to know
or care.  Such rituals are more for the psychological well-being
of the 'survivors'.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think of how I  may similarly lost the grandparents I have left.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     regretted the loss of life experience and familial history that
could have been shared with me.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     relief that the decedent is now 'in a better place'.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     church of christ/lutheran
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I will be reacquainted with this person's Spirit once again.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     the life insurance went to a son rather than the widow or either
of the other two sons and the wife of said recipient wouldn't allow
sharing of the money.
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     feeling as if it weren't 'real'.  because my grandfather lived in
another state and I didn't see him very often, it is more as if he
is in a permanent state of vacation or inaccessibility than actually
'dead'.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     newfound profundity in discussions with others; that is, the dying
person tends to reflect on life in ways meant to impart wisdom
to others

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I didn't have any unresolved issues with my grandfather and if I
did, I feel that the dead are in some measure aware of what goes
on in the earth, so if I needed to say anything to my grandfather,
I could and he would know.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     things to be taken care of should be a will and my wishes regarding
disposal of the body.  I want the religious service to be whatever
the 'survivors' need to help them through the situation.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     nto much thought to my own mortality or death or where I might
go or what might happen to those I would leave behind.  If I knew
I were going to die very soon, I would stop doing "time-wasting"
activities, and do more "quality" activities.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I enjoyed filling out the survey because it helped me confront some
feelings that I didn't know I had about the process/experience.
To be quite honest, though, it was a bit lengthy.  :)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 12 17:42:51 1998
F35 in Copenhagen,  =Denmark=
Name: Susanne
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: age;  Aged: 65'ish.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When we stop to exist physically, and perhaps all together. My
people have many explanations for who, what and where - we are and
go. Primarilly between nothingness and another form of existence.
 On my own behalf - I am just curious and I guess that when I die,
it will be last lesson/understanding in this lifeform.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was farely young.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...Our neighbours small child was killed and it
	made me wonder a lot about death, religion and life.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that that was what my oncle was heading/hoping for - and by me
that was OK. I felt a kind of rejoice, but also a sadness on my
own behalf.

--What I think my (Denmark) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that no matter what - it's just as big a part of life as being
borne. We can try to fight desease, aging and in extreems death,
but nothing is going to alter the fact that sooner or later we are
bound to die. To live forever seems to me like madness.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that it put life into perspective.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Wondering of what life is all about - and ending up with some kind
of understanding.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Missing them - wondering how my life would be if they still were
here. How their lives would have turned out.
  
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     As I haven't the fogiest idea what happens after death, I haven't
got any special thoughts of what ought to happen to me. In my will
the most important part would be: my dauhther decides what happens
to me - it's her needs, not mine. The real big issue is though
- who sould take care of her in my place, not just her father -
but who takes my place??

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     My own death dosen't really scare me in terms of the after death.
But I'm terrified of knowing I am to die soon because I wouldn't
know how to tell my family - especially my daughter - and I think I
would rather not tell them untill it was unavoidable for the simple
reason, that I woulden't be able to deal with their emotions of
love, guilt, anger, fear, protection and so forth. Death I think
I can deal with - but the social implications: never!

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     Wonder and amazement

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It has been a good feeling. It has been a subject that has been
on my mind recently - and it was nice trying to cut thoughts into
perspective.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 11 20:48:35 1998
F48 in Maple Shade, NJ =US=
Email: <pcleere-at-erols.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Death and Dying 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Elizabeth Kubler Ross 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  yrs13 ago.
Cause of Death: heart & kidney failure;  Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when the person leaves the shell s/he has inhabited all their
earthly lives.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 35 years old and I was at my mother's side in my home in my
son's bedroom.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was 4 years old.  My father, age 43, died
	from a heart attack after 10 years of illness with stomach ulcers.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     being terrified when realizing that both my parents were now dead
and i was an orphan in a very real sense.  

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to talk about it

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my mother was finally at peace and no longer in pain.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my friend calling and asking me to walk and walk and walk and
letting me talk and talk and talk
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the terror and sadness that i can no longer touch smell or hold
that person
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     remember that hearing is the last sense to leave and continue to
tell them you love them and that you will miss them and that you
are looking forward to meeting them again
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     recognized that our eyes are the windows of our souls and that the
person who was there in that body has flown away at the moment of
death and is no longer there.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the suffering continued without a seeming end in sight.  i was not
aware until after my mom died that we can "hold" people back from
departing and that saddened me and confused me.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was all the emotions of sadness needed to somehow be balanced in
the brain and that the brain triggered a balancing act and tipped
the pendulum in the other direction..
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     understand what my mom was trying to say to me,  she repeated
her words three times to me and i never did understand what she
was saying.  perhaps she was speaking in Gaelic.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     comfort my mom and let her share with me the fact that my dad who
had been deceased for 31 years at the time of her death had been
there during the night.  i fully recognized that this was a sign
that her end was near and that i needed to release her
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my mom awoke the day before her death and specifically requested
that my sister come to see her.  it was the last time my sister
saw my mom alive.
 
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that we have to wait to die before we can see our loved ones
once again.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to my mom
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     broke completely because i recognized that i had no control to fix
or change what had happened.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     gratitude
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     everything
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     roman catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     very natural.  a passing from this dimension to the next on this
journey we are all on
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     no money for there to be a playing out
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the concern everyone displayed for me and mine

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     hearing the "chain stokes" my mom breathed

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     shallow breathing.  cold extremities. kidneys not putting out urine.
difficulty getting blood pressure and heart rate.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     my mom told me my deceased father had visited her during the night.
that she was standing in line for a train ticket at one point also.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     fine, two years before my mom died and knelt to say my nightly
prayers when i was jolted with the thought that i should begin to
mourn my mom now while i still had her.  our relationship bloomed
from that point on.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would like to have had the opportunity to thank my mom once again
and tell her  loved her; finally i would like to say goodbye in a
way that she and i knew we would be seeing each other again,

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     no life support, donate all my organs.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i am not comfortable with thinking about my own death.  i am
frightened of the lack of control. i always fear suffering.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i prayed and asked God to take my mom if he was not going to
heal her.  i released my mom and in so doing released myself.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     knowing that the ultimate controller is the man upstairs

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     reflective.  it has been 13 years and i realize that the pain has
quieted down, but that it has not left.  i yearn to see my mom
again and struggle with trusting that  i will.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 11 19:42:50 1998
F49 in Birmingham, AL =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  Nicenet. Psy.200 assignment to review on-going research study.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  2 months ago.
Cause of Death: smoking. Lungs finally gave out.;  Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of life as we know it on earth.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     expected my Grandfather's death, so I wasn't shocked or even very
upset because he had been so ill. What shocked me was the funeral.
I had never been to one before, and I thought it was awful. I know
my grandfather would have hated all the fuss and public display. To
this day, I think funerals are really tasteless. I would prefer to
let families bury their deceased privately.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My grandfather died. He was 85 and had been
	declining with emphyzema for several years, so it was not entirely
	unexpected.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     coming into Betty's bedroom just minutes after she had died and
thinking how glad I was that she had finally let go and was at
peace. I remember looking at the body and knowing she wasn't in
it anymore.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Death is not something to be done in a nursing home or hospital. If
possible, it should be done at home surrounded by friends and family.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Hospice.  They were wonderful people who made it possible for Betty
to stay home and die with dignity.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Betty was the mother of my close friend and ex-sister-in-law. I felt
closer to Betty than to my own mother. My experiences with death
have all been from a distance, both mentally and physically. I was
fortunate to have moved into Betty's home and allowed to take part
in the entire process. At first, I didn't mention the word "death"
and thought Claudia (my ex-sister-in-law and Betty's daughter) who
is an RN, was much too realistic about the event. But during those
last three months of Betty's life I lost my fear of mentioning
death. The entire family, Hospice people, and friends were all
invited into Betty's bedroom anytime to be with her and whomever
happened to be there.  It was all so open and ever fun. It's amazing
how much can be learned about people when there isn't a TV blaring
and the only entertainment is conversation! I guess the most support
overall would have been Betty's family. They were so warm and loving,
and made the entire experience seem so natural.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The hardest part was the fear that I carried into that home. Once
I faced that fear, it's power was gone.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Don't do it alone. Let family, friends, and Hospice help make the
passage easier. There doesn't have to be pain and Hospice handles
that beautifully.
 
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I have spent 49 years avoiding funerals, talk of death, visiting
dying friends and terrified of my own death. After this experience,
I am certain that it is a passage and not to be feared.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I first got there, with all my old thinking. But watching Betty
and her family deal with those last three months of her life, and
seeing the willingness and peace that came over Betty in the weeks
just before she died, took all the confusion and fear in me away.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it's okay.
 
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be a part of the experience.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the men from the funeral home came into the room to take Betty's
body. I guess Claudia and I hadn't thought about that moment because
we both looked at each other and started crying. I hadn't thought
about her body leaving the house she had lived in for 40 years,
that was so much a part of her. I really wish she could have stayed
in that room until the funeral.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     To me, it was the funeral. Betty was gone. All the flowers should
have been sent to her while she was alive. All the people at the
funeral home should have visited her before she dies.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that anyone should die in a  nursing home or hospital if there is
an alternative.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Doctors have gotten so impersonal and uncaring.  If it hadn't been
for the Hospice nurses, Betty would have died a very uncomfortable
and painful death.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Wonder. I was amazed each day, and with every Hospice person I met,
by the gentle, sincere assistance they brought into this home.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     visits from Betty's pastor - Presbyterian. She had known him a long
time, so the visits were something she looked forward to.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Presbyterian
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     correct.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     before Hospice was involved, the monthly prescription bills were
more than Betty's social security. If Claudia and I hadn't been
living with her, I don't know how she would have made it.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I didn't go to the funeral home or cemetary. I had already said my
goodbyes to Betty.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     all the fuss over a dead body. She would have hated it. Why display
a body? I will never understand "funerals".

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the acceptance of death. We all knew when it was almost time,
because Betty was ready and she let us know. How she let us know,
none of us know. But as we talked about the death, it became apparent
that each of us felt she had given notice.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I know realize how important it is to have all the funeral
arrangements pre-arranged if possible. Also, to have a will and
any important papers in order.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I feel much calmer about the inevitable event. I still would not
chose to die, but I know that if I am given advance warning I will
be okay with it.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     Age has made me look at death as more of a passage than as an
end. (wishful thinking?)

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 10 22:06:16 1998
F22 in Maplewood, NJ =U.S.A.=
Email: <jenfalvo-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Looked for area to help deal with my dying problems
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	We Don't Die 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Joel Martin (and someone else) 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     something that occurs whether you want it to or not.  It is something
uncontrollable and do difficult to conceive.  When it's your turn
to go, you're gone and you leave everyone behind.  The world goes
on without you........

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 18 years old and my ex-best friends boyfriend committed suicide.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was very young and my grandfather died.
	I was too young to understand what was going on.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     everyone crying and being very sad.

--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     where we go when we die.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     how close people become when a death occurs.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking to a co-worker who tries to help me deal with what happens
when you go on......
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     if they would be able to see what was going on in the world.
  
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     you hear about a death that just occurred.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that we have to die!!!!!!!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     find out what really happens to us when we die.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like it makes sense, but still a little confusing.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the fact that everyone got together.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I want to believe it's true, yet it is still unconceivable.
 
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Making sure that everyone just gets along. In the end we all have
to die. Don't make the  journey a difficult one.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Besides the fact that I don't want to die, I cannot cope with the
fact that someday, I am going to die.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 
     I don't deal with it well at all.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It's helped me think about the target area about death that disables
me from coping with death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 10 16:19:17 1998
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ UseNet posting ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ;  Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great-grandmother died.  I was not close
	to her and knew her only distantly.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Avoiding Everything 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Fri Apr 10 12:25:51 1998
M48 in North Bay, Ontario =Canada=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Interest in subject 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: social work 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ;  Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I am not privy to.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Not applicable
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     None.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Nothing needs to be done differently.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     The dying individual should seek to assign the responsibility
for coordinating ceremonial events related to memorial and burial
ceremonies/practices with some briefing as to preferences.; failing
such a briefing, events should unfold in a manner appropriate to
the local community and reflective of the character of the deceased.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Yes I have pondered my own mortality more acutely.  I would prefer
not to know that my death was imminent because it would distract me
from enjoying and engaging in the particulars of my daily life and
work. I hope that my own death occurs only after my children have
all reached adulthood. I would prefer to die at home and in a manner
which does not put others at risk.  I prefer to die while not in any
cripplling amount of pain so that I can pay attention to the process
and relate to those around me in a clearer and fuller fashion.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I look at the trees around me with great attention and kiss my kids
goodbye each time they leave for school.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Everything appears so vividly alive and full.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     How well

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Good questions.  Hope you can compile the data easily.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr  9 22:08:47 1998
M14 in merced, ca =usa=
Name: delta
Email: <fanofozzy-at-prodigy.net>
Thu Apr  9 22:04:23 1998
M19 in Omaha, Nebraska =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: College Student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  4 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 13.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     an end to life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't completely understand what it was, just that other people
were crying.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...family friend who committed suicide.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the funeral and the outpouring of sympathy.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is natural and inevitable and that we must celebrate life
through death.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     getting to experience the life of my friend and having a chance to
know her towards the end.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself and my thoughts.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the immediate feeling of loss.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say goodbye.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     attend the funeral.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     when I just couldn't cry any longer and can't cry about it now.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     her age.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that she couldn't have asked for help or tried to get help before
killing herself.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     forget.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and seeked those who would need my support.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     agnostic with atheistic leanings.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the number of people that attended who weren't close to my friend
and some of those who were who didn't.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     depression and don't underestimate past attempts.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Helping others, that reminds me of what I mean in this world and
to myself.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Helping Other People cope 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Kind of corney actually, the finish the sentence part takes too
long and is suprising.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr  9 12:24:16 1998
F24 in laurel, md =usa=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	The christmas box 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother,  2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;  Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Asked questions

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My Grandfather passed away from throat cancer.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     When I was told what happened

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it is  forever

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My privacy
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Clean up my brothers room when he passed away
  
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Appreciated the time I had to myself

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The first week

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell my brother I was proud of his accomplishments

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Talk to my brother again
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was angry

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Little, it just mad me angry
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     lutheran
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it was no issue
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The number of people and the diversity of cultures and lifestyles

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     The viewing

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Children, should be top priority when preparing for death

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr  8 22:27:41 1998
F20 in , CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 17 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 40-ish.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a unchangable seperation from a person that causes sadness and
great pain.  It is the removal of life for a body.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't give it much thought because I didn't have the full capacity
to understand that my godmother was dead in the sense that she was
no longer of this planet or the living.  It in fact didn't hit me
until I was 12 or 13 years old.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  My godmother had smoked for years and
	this was the very early eighties- I was about three at the time.
	She attempted to quit more then once in her life but ultimately
	couldn't do it. She had developed lung cancer that turned terminal.
	I saw her towards the end of her life- she was extremely sick then
	and it was the "final visit" before the end.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Visiting my friend's grave site and feeling so completely sad that
no one else was there to visit him.  I felt like I was one of the
few who bothered to remember him.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     there needs to be a early lesson about abandonment and seperation
otherwise people literally flip out.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my godmother wanted me to remember her.  She insisted upon it to
my mother and as a result I feel a close connection to her though
she is gone.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the abandonment and seperation- as an adult I'm plagued by fear
of both.
  
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I remember anger at a friend of mine who ran into a tree coming
home from work and died all because he was driving too fast. I just
remember that his death was almost cheap because of his negligence

--Religious Affiliation:
     no affiliation
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr  8 17:27:23 1998
F19 in holland, michigan =usa=
Name: amy
Email: <ea328001-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  just came up during a web search on YAHOO!
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Prof/Studies: student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: terminal cancer;  Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Losing a part of who you are...because you are life.  It's losing
a part of history.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was young and didn't know exactly what to think.  I knew it was
scary or bad just from the way that other people reacted

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my uncle committed suicide when I was in
	3rd grade

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     seeing this person slowly fade away from me....turning into a
different person

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     t

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     definately my Christianity helped me deal with it as my life went on


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 
     nobody wanted to talk about it because everybody felt somehow guilty
or responsible

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr  8 15:47:45 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance,  1 ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driver;  Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     father died of a stroke, after a car accident

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     no special technique, i was just able to realize that i had to go
on with my life

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr  8 09:57:44 1998
M38 in Winnipeg, Manitoba =Canada=
Email: <klundrigan-at-compuserve.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes;  Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     saying goodbye to someone forever.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 10 years old and my brothers best friend who was 9 died from
a blood clott in the brain.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my younger brother was diabetic. His
	endocrinologist swithched his insulin convincing him that it would
	enable better mangagement. I found him in his bed on New Years day,
	he had obviously died durring the night.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The shock that it could really happen to someone in my own family.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It encouraged me to be more open with family and friends.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     From myself.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Realizing that they would no longer be available in a physical sense.
  
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was able to show emotion and just let my feelings out whenever and
wherever I was.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I went to see the grave site for the first time following the
funeral.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Really express my feelings for my brother even though he knew,
I just with I could have told him.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     see him the night he died. I had come home to be with family over
New Years and had just arrived that evening.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I look at photos or remember an event we shared together.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     vanish, go somewhere that nobody knows me.
 
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     disappointment with the calousness of the medical examiner who was
quite insensitive with his disclosure of the cause of death to a
grieving family.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I don't really remember the service clearly.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 
     Remember the real things about him good and bad.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Because it has only been about 16 months since his death I feel that
I am still dealing with the reality and the fact that no concrete
reason for a cause of death was ever established by the M.E.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr  7 16:35:29 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  doing school project
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: bone cancer;  Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a continuation of the life cycle and is a natural occurance.
Humans accept death as a part of life. Death is accepting of one's
mortality.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was wathcing tv and my mother called me.  It was a long and silent
moment.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My Great Grandmother died from a long battle with bone cancer

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     How we all gathered to celebrate her life and  talk about all her
achievements and remember her as a healthy independent woman before
her death.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not to hide it from children Also if children feel the need to cry ,
even for long periods of time, do not try to shut them up or brush
it off as unreal emotion.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The fact that my great grandmothe suffers pain no longer.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the assurance of my mother that death for her was the best thing
in the face of terminal cancer.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     ever accepting that she herself wanted to die. To end the pain
and suffering.
  
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr  7 12:12:29 1998
F28 in  =USA=
Name: Holly
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 5 mos. ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     ...when are bodily functions and neural systems cease to function
permanently.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     ...was confused but was there to support my grandmother in her grief.

--That first time, how it happened was
     It was a great great aunt.  I was sad at the loss of her history.
	She was the oldest living person in our family.  My uncle and I
	had recently recorded an interview with her before she passed on.
	It taught me how fragile our links to our ancestory really are.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     You never realize how much the little things mean to you until
they're gone.  I didn't know my uncle well, but he always called
me by a pet name.  I will never hear his voice speak that name to
me again.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     We grieve not for the person who died, but for our own loss and
our own fear of imminent death.  We should rejoice in the beauty
of the people's whose lives have touched our own and let go of the
selfish need to pity our own loss.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It's a precious gift to be able to cherish the little things people
say and do for you, no matter how small.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My own belief that we are all one part of the same whole.  Nothing is
lost, it is simply rejuvenated into something new.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Accepting the sudden and finite cessation of life and breath in
a body.
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     It's a natural response to death.  It makes people uncomfortable.
Laughter is not just an expression of happiness it is a sloughing
off of fear and remorse.  Death shouldn't be allowed to be wholly
devastating to anyone.  There must be balance in grief and joy.
To succumb only to your own grief and loss and not rejoice in the
glory and freedom of the dead is self-destructive.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell him what a wonderfully beautiful man he was.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Know him.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I was in the church during the service and noticed the humble place
of worship that my great-uncle had attended for decades.  The stained
glass window over the alter had the richest, most vibrant colors
of any stained glass I've ever seen.  It was humbling spiritually
for me to know that in such a modest place such a great work of art
could be admired so easily by the congregations that have and will
continue to gather there.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Propriety.  People get so caught up in how you're *supposed* to
act when faced with the death of a loved one.  It's absurd.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I remember the way he would say, "It's Holly B'Golly!" when he
would see me at reunion.  It will always have a special power to
touch my heart.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would've gone to say goodbye.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     He had a good life.  He was a good man.  A devoted husband and
father.  It is not fair that there are not more men like him today.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     ...regret that I did not go to see him the previous weekend as
planned to say goodbye.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Resignation.  There is only so much we can do.  Death comes when
it's time.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Solidarity as a family.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I believe that there is an omniscient, omnipotent, self-aware
presence in the universe that watches over us all as a whole and
intervenes only when necessary.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Ancient and Ancestoral.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     It didn't.  It's just money.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     We all had a common link.  We loved him dearly.  There wasn't a
soul there that didn't or hadn't loved him deeply and sincerely.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     The most important issue, for me, is taking care of loving each
other in the time that we do have together.  The expense and the
emotional grief is secondary to the love we must always show one
another while we can.  It is my right to choose my form of burial
and I want a cremation.  It is my wish that this be done on a
pyre and that my sons build this pyre together and each attendee
at my funeral throw a rose onto the pyre and say their goodbyes.
I don't know how do-able that is, but that is my wish.  ;)

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I pray that my death is not painful.  I do not fear death but I
do fear pain.  I want those that love me to celebrate my death,
not because they're happy to be rid of me (grin) but because they
are happy to be alive and have shared part of my life with me.
I want them to enjoy themselves at my funeral and not grieve too
much for my loss.  If I knew when and how I was going to die,
I would arrange the party myself.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Uncle Ben was a card.  My aunt and I were terrible cut ups at
the wake.  It seemed right that we should be jovial.  That's how
he was and that's how we felt he should be sent off to the unknown.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Upbringing 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It has given me an opportunity to express my deep seated belief in
the joy and love that should be expressed now and always.  Thank you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr  7 11:12:35 1998
M20 in Calgary, Alberta =Canada=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: put to sleep;  Aged: 17 human.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when your dreams are ripped away. When your hopes and ambitions
have been run short.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Cried forever it seemed. I thought it was a joke. I never actually
beleived it. I try to avoid thinking about Spotty.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My dog was put to sleep when I was 17.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the fact I will never see Spotty again.

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     everyone has their own religion, or lack of. Sometimes saying that
they have gone to a better place is not all correct.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     realizing how much I loved Spotty when she was around.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     music
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     guilt of not being there one last time.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     enjoy it. Once they are gone, nothing will bring them back.
 
--[My dog's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     know that I wasn't there holding her when she was put down.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I heard about it. I didn't beleive it.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     express my love for Spotty one last time.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I picture the great times we had together.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     turn back time
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     broke down.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing. I used to beleive in God. But lately, I don't know.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Used to be Protestant
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     no object
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     crying. I hadn't cried for 10 years.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     let nature take it's course.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 
     Cried, denied, slept, hid emotions and feelings from others.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 
     Remembered the fun we had.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr  7 05:01:20 1998
Anonymous Guest in =UK=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Just surfing through the net and typed Death in Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  21 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: hit and run;  Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the last big adventure.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt lost, lonely and angry with the world , but mainly with my self

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...saddly enough both my parents. I ended up
	living with my grandpartents till both those died  in 91 and '93

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     seeing my grandfather look calm. I 'm still glad that hes not in
any more pain

--What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     accepance of peoples grief takeing no set amonut of time

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     peace

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my self and learning to cope with and face some off my biggest fears
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the loss
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     letr the dying person take about when there not there and what
they want.
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     had to live with my grandfathers guilt and it hurt

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I had to arrange the funneral

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     to tell everyone that I loved more

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be with my grandfather when he died
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I was given a hug by the nursing staff just affter my grandad died
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Saying " He'll be at rest now"

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would have know my parents

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why not me

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Talk to someone
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     blamed myself

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     doctors are twats and the nurses are great
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     very positive
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     agnostic formerlly Church of England
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 
     being young I always blamed my self for my parents 'going away',
When my grandparents died I felt relived as both of them where
suffering from cancer

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

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Mon Apr  6 14:00:45 1998
F45 in Midland, Texas =USA=
Email: <lfleazar-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Petroleum Landman 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	(not exact title) Hospice book - Handling Grief: Sudden Death 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  1 week ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the cessation of physical existance.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was confused by the event and by everyone's different reactions.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was 4 and told that I could not see my
	great grandmother anymore because she had died.  I also never got
	to meet my paternal grandmother since she had died before I was born.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the sudden shock - nothing seems real, like I'm moving in a dream.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not to be afraid,  It is not the true end.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it is so much harder to receive generousity and compassion then to
give it.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     taking time to work through my feelings at my own pace - giving
myself permission to heal at my own rate.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the shock - no time to say goodby, and the surreal feeling of
everyday activities.
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Daddy just sat in his chair and refused to respond.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     stress can cause what seems like inappropriate reations, but it is
a needed relief.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     just tell her one more time that I love her and she was very
important to me.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     help with the organization, and do the sorting of her personal
belongings afterward.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the policemen came and stayed at the house until her body was taken
away - they were very kind to my father, and made sure he wasn't
left alone.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     all the ritual that surrounds death, i.e. you have to things
such-a-way or its not done PROPERLY.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I actually have such a feeling of unreality that I have done very
little crying, and this surprises me.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     go back to my "real life", as it was before.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     went through all the motions of organization for the service,
flowers, etc., but I still think I don't believe its real.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     contentment, that all was done that could be.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a memorial service at the community church - my parents were not
strong church people, but I need more support from the religious
community that they did, and this always embarrassed them,
particularly my father - so I (right now) feel unsupported.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     current - Religious Science past - Presbyterian
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     we are all part of God - when we die we just change form to express
God in a new way.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     Mother was cremated, and the costs were held down to a minimum.
All of us saw a large casket ans a showy funeral as a total waste
of money, and not in alignment with ther wishes.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the minister did a good job, even though he did not know Mother well.
Everyone else seemed subdued, even embarrassed, like they wanted
to show support and help but did not know how.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the dualistic feelings of knowing that she is dead, yet expecting
to see her as normal.  Maybe that has something to do with not
getting to see the body.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     fortunately, during the past 7 years I made a real effort to improve
our relationship - it was probably as good as it ever had been.
I am lucky to no strong regrets.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I don't know.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Mother wanted to be cremated and have her ashes sprinkled over the
lake where they lived.  Her remains will be scattered this weekend,
maybe I will feel some closure then.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Other than I need to get some paperwork together I feel about as
ready as possible.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     still looking for something to help me cope.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It did get me to work through some of the feelings of non-reality,
although I feel I still have a long way to go.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Maybe a question about support received from friends/relatives and
how you were able to receive and work with the support offered.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr  6 00:43:42 1998
M23 in D.F.,  =Mexico=
Name: Evil Ernie
Email: <e_strange-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  looking after animism.
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Prof/Studies: Graphic designer 
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	none, i understand death very well. I dont need anybody to tell me about it. 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 15 years ago.
Cause of Death: poison;  Aged: 7yo.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     unexplainable, to know her you must "die" first.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     thought it was normal.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My own suicide atempt at the age of 10.
	and the closeness with misstres death since i can remember. It
	was cool, but i didnt die. i never tried it again.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the rage i felt towards the bastards that poisoned my dog. i
started hateing the human race.

--What I think my (mexico) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     live and let die.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Im dead when im not alive. Death has gifts, you rest for real
from the conciense.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Myself, magick and god.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the elimination of my anger towards the human race.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     be yourself.For certain the most important thing is that your
there for her/he.
 
--[My dog's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     erradicated the most of the anger towards humans.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     when i had my head open from the bullet, i didnt coordinated
well.  and when i realized i wasnt dead.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was normal, death dosent mean always sadness.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Ive done whatever i wanted, i dont have regrets. things happened
the way they had to.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     stay alive more time and i re-arranged my present.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I dont know what they thought, im not them!
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     same answer as above.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i missed my "real" home( heaven).

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     Do you have dreams? OK, there, hell live forever.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I wanted to die and something/someone intervened over my freewill
and denied my own death. Who or what am I?

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Come on!!! this ain't difficult!!
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     loved more life and death. and i encourage fellow friends to forget
suicide if the reason is plain stupid and they have better.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     fate, faith and human power.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     I dont care, life gets her way one way or another.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Organised religion? are you kidding? Death is primal and older than
religion...religion only serves to cover the corpse and sometimes
"helps" to the mourning family.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I live and die...then i think.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like everything else from mother nature...natural.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     In no particular way, my dog Chiquis was buried in free land.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it stinks, the loved one is gone (from only this reality) and only
that matters.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     My desire to throw-up my meal. after the gunshot the only think
that i thought was: gee, i hate to throw-up, i have to go to
the bathroom!

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the begining of death, witchever, is: First and only sign: When
you start ignoring yourself and you loved ones and living things
in general. thats the begining of death.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i wasnt with him at the moment of his death.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     i was possesed by that time, by an entity i dont know for sure.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     The only thing in "standby" is the assasination of the guy/guys
that killed my dog, but im not in a hurry. If at any given time
god or nature puts them in my reach and knowledge... ill kill them
in a slow way or ill forgive them, ill figure it out at the moment.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I did what i needed and wanted with my dog, so i dont have anything
to tell afterdeath. sometimes i remember him and only that.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     ...want people thinking about when i die...????? I dont give a
damn!!! Im dead by that time!

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Live life up until death is unavoidable.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i used none.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I see life with more pasion and joy.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I think im close to her at every moment.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Other: 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     refreshing and intresting, please include more questions towards
dead pets, sometimes theyr more important than human beings.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     	1.Will you live or die for your loved ones? 
	2.if you live, is because your affraid of selfsacrifice? 
	3.if you die, is because your affraid of life without them?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr  5 23:59:03 1998
Anonymous Guest Age 18 in Bronx, New York ==
Email: <reedyc-at-sacredheart.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Psychology/Elementary Education Major in College 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Confessions by Saint Augustine 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  1 year tomorrow ago.
Cause of Death: murdered;  Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the hardest thing you ever have to face.  It tak