^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Current contributions. See Jan 98 contributions. See Feb 98 contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 31 22:28:22 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 8 yrs ago. Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 70. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 31 18:55:30 1998 M40 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] did a general death & dying search on Infoseek, looking for resources to use in a project called "Death on the Web" for a Death & Dying class - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Wife, 3 yrs ago. Cause of Death: Heart attack; Aged: 39. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...like many of my generation, my first experience was the assasination of JFK...I was only 5, but somehow I understood...at least as much as a 5-year old can...that he wouldn't be here anymore... - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope I have an extremely realistic attitude...no one, after all, DOES get out alive,..I think my acceptance of that has made it easy to help others who are more emotional What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos We live in a death-denying society...this makes it hard for a death-accepting person to feel like a part of that society - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I did not have the time to complete the entire thing, but will return and do so at a later date. It appears to be a very good jumping-off point from which to examine one's concepts and beliefs ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 31 14:08:09 1998 F53 in Helena, Alabama =USA= Name: Jean Stevens Email: <Innerar485-at-aol.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I was searching the web on death - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: homemaker - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, death close ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 52. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The end of this life on earth and the beginning of a new one. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I There was a lot of fear and very emotional --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I was working at my Uncle's place of business, when I took a phone call that my aunt had just pasted away --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The comfort of love ones. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: It will happen to us all. We are jsut passing through this life. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Make your more concerned about loving your God and your family and friends --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My family my religion, and beautiful music. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Never being with her again, She was my sister, we are only a year apart, and very close. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Tell them over and over how much your life has been blessed by having them in it. --[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Her death hasn't occured yet, but from previious deaths, make sure old wounds are healed . --The most confusing point of death for me was when: When the struggle to live was so great. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I tend to want to run far away. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: goodbye --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: To be there the times I could. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: When they close he casket --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: wearing black --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: When something that they loved, is brought up, like a movie or a certain song etc. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I wouldn't feel this loss,,,that I have in my life right now. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Why did God choose her, she had so much to give and live for. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could I could go for awhile without thinking about her. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I grew from it. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: uncertainity, in some areas, and loving care in others. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: It has been a very quick cancer --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: My place of refuge from the world. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like a better world than we live in. --Regarding MONEY: Having to work when we could have spent more time with our love one. --Regarding the FUNERAL: loving --The weirdest part of it all to me was: I feel that the love one's who have died will always be with me, till the end --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : When they don't seem to struggle for life anymore. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': My mother right before she died, told us of seeing our dad, brother and nephew. She ever describe our aunt as looking as beautiful as ever. --RE: Near Death Experiences: no --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: No, my sister and I never could stay mad a each other very long, --If we were to visit one last conversation... I love you, and I am going to be OK. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I don't want to be put on life support. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I want to be more prepared --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Just being alone, listening to beautiful music. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities Strong belief in God and my religion What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death denial - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was a release for me, my mind is rather running in high gear right now. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 30 22:31:18 1998 F15 in , == Email: <BlakSweety.aol.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: questionaire should be more multible choice and not so long - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 66. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: like a hard to deal with going away party --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was shocked and too young to know how to cope --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My father died of cancer at 7. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the horrible feeling of seeing someone one day and their being dead the next --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: overcame it - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 29 20:11:37 1998 F19 in , ny =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: i would be very interested to see the results of your survey - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: the american way of death - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 month ago. Cause of Death: mult. heart attacks ; Aged: 60somthing. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a deep loss in your soul that you can never recover --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didnt understand --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...first my baby kitten, then my maternal grandfather than both next door neighbors i was very close to, than my other gfather than, recently my maternal gmother --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: not being very affected, its like im descencitized. its sad that i am incapable of mourning --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: respect, understanding --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: still having people close to me...they arnt all dead,yet, although..... --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: closing down --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: realizing i will never have them in my life again --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: just BE there --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: can be shocked by how the loss affected all his children and all that knew and loved him --The most confusing point of death for me was when: it was all over and the rest of us have to pick up the pieces - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness not slowing down to realize it could happen, sooooo many times What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 29 17:44:50 1998 F17 in gainesville, florida =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 months ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: 72. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a natural ending to human life. Everyone has to die. It's just part of life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I freaked out. My grandmother died when I was 16. We weren't very close and I regret that I did not get to see her before she passed. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: sadness. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: it just happens. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my parents. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the fact that they just wouldn't be around anymore. It's hard to cope with. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: show them you love them. The hardest thing is knowing you didn't show them this while they were alive. This feeling is one of the only things I regret about losing my grandmother. Luckily, I was there to tell my grandfather how much I cared before he died. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: laughing is the best way through the pain. Try to laugh. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: see my grandmother one last time. Even though she was in pain and I didn't want to see that way, I would have felt better if I had seen her. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: thinking about losing the person I'm in love with. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see them. I know I can't. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Hospice was good to my grandfather. If it wasn't for the hospital my grandmother was in she would still be alive today. Medicine is helping to keep my friend alive. I have mixed feelings about the medical community. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: hospice did what they could. From what I know they were great. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: having to do communion durring mass. I've never been to church before and walking up to the priest made me very nervous. What if I dropped the bread? --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I found pictures of me with the person who just passed and put them in an envelope. It gives me comfort to know we can always be together even if it's just in pictures. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 29 13:27:07 1998 F20 in philadelphia, pa =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: college student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 month ago. Cause of Death: gun wound to the head; Aged: 22. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the inabiltiy to communcate with your lost loved one through your senses--you can't see them, touch them, hear them, etc. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I had a hard time accepting it. I couldn't understand where my uncle went. --That first time, how it happened was The first death I went through was my great uncle's. I was very young do my mother took my sister and I to see him in his coffin before the viewing to see if we could handle it and I really couldn't. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: a sense of love--incredible non-verbal communication and intense understanding of each other. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: the feelings of loss never go away--people should not be afraid to talk about it or hear about it. Also, tears don't always mean that something is immediately wrong--sometimes you just cry because you're feeling sad and that is not wrong --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: a greater appreciation for people--never take ANYONE for granted. And don't be afraid to tell people how you feel about them because you may never get that opportunity again --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: sharing memories of my friend with others. When people ask questions about someone that you lost, it is a great support. Talking about it is so healthy. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not knowing how to act in the presence of others. And more importantly, missing my friend so much. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: the amount of strength you have surprises you. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I didn't know whether my friend could hear me when I talk to him, wherever he is right now. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was a method of release. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell my friend how much appreciated him. I know that he knew, but I never really told him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there for my friends who were experiencing the loss also. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I would ask my friend to let me dream about him sometimes before I went to sleep and he did. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: clearing out his apartment and financial issues. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I get teary-eyed when I think of how my friend was cheated out of life and when I think of all the fear he must have had before he was killed, although he and his boss (who he was very close with) were killed together. And I cry when I see pictures. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that my friend can't get married and be a father. It's not fair that we can't all grow old together. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could talk to him for a few minutes and tell him how special he is to me. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I questioned my belief system. --Religious Affiliation: My individual belief is that we are all parts of each other and together we are god. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: difficult to explain through words. It feels like we all connect and our souls are eternal. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the emotions that were being released from everyone. No one had to say anything because we all just knew. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': His fiancee (who is a best friend of mine) and I have been having similar dreams. I know that my friend is safe and in a good place because he is peaceful in my dreams. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell him that he was one of my closest friends and he means so much to him. And I would hope that he would tell me that he knew that already. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I've been keeping a journal and writing to my deceased friend in it. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I've become more frightened about losing people. Because of this, I've been more honest with my friends and more vocal about my feelings. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Most of the questions relate to exactly what I've been thinking about. It makes me feel less alone. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 29 08:18:50 1998 M16 in MANCHESTER, =ENGLAND= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Friend ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: . - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 28 10:59:34 1998 F30 in Mt. Vernon, IL =USA= Name: Judy Rainey Email: <liloleme7-at-webtv.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: restaurant, services - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 yrs. ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 78 . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: part of the circle of life --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was afraid --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...a relative died in an accident and he was only a few years older than me, I realized that young ppl can die too... --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: sorrow that she would not see my son...who was born the day after she died --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it may not be final or it may be final --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my son is alive --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my children --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: guilt...things never said or done --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: ? --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: remember her --The most confusing point of death for me was when: my son was born the next morning and the doctor said he should have died at birth and it was a miracle... --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: she would have wanted it that way...to hear my laughter --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell her I love her one more time --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: have her as a Grandma --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I saw her spirit in my son --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: ? --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I talk to my son, or look at pictures with him... --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... she would be living with us...not in some Nursing Home --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that she couldn't see my son...or my three yr. old daughter....or her great grandkids someday --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back time --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: satisfaction --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: everything --Religious Affiliation: Baptist --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: right and true --Regarding MONEY: it never was mentioned --Regarding the FUNERAL: everyone was so good to us --The weirdest part of it all to me was: saying goodbye --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : ? --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': she had been thinking about my Grandfather in that way for a long time, speaking with him... I truly believe --RE: Near Death Experiences: every day is precious --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I'll never let go --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell her how much I love her and thank her for everything she has meant to me. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: ? --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would spend all my time teaching my kids what I felt they should know about the world... --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: ? --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? ? - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - this was very useful in helping me realze how much I connect my son's birth with my Grandmother's death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 27 22:24:39 1998 F24 in La Mesa, CA =US= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 49. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of life --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my great grandmother died when I was five. After that I was afraid to leave my mother for a while - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 27 21:22:46 1998 F34 in , =Canada= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I'd like to say that before my father died, I was feeling very destitute so I searched the web and found this site. I found some comfort in reading other peoples responses so I made a pact to come back and fill this out after my father died so other s could benefit from my sharing, just like I did theirs. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, one week ago. Cause of Death: Leukemia; Aged: 60. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The spirit leaves the physical body. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I really too young to understand it fully. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandmother died of a rare lung disease. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Realizing how much my father meant to me. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: It is not a time to be taken advantage of by funeral homes. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: It will bring me closer to my Mother. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: The kind words from relatives and friends who gave me their condolences. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I felt like something powerful had been severed from me. It hit me one hundred times harder than I ever thought it would. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: What everybody says is true: If you can make it to the bed of a dying person--GO! I didn't go see my father when he was in the hospital and I regret it deeply, just like everyone said I would. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Wished I could have spent more time with him before he died. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I wondered where his soul went after he died. I thought of so manydifferent possiblities it confused me. I wish I had a difinitive answer. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Grief is like a roller coaster, it hits hard at times, then other times it subsides. I am trying to take advantage of the "inbetween" times, and if that means laughing, I do. But when the greif comes again, I go with it and experience it fully. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Visit him in the hospital before he died. Just to hold his hand and say "I love you" --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Spend a half hour alone with my father in the funeral palour, his body lying in the casket and me pacing back and forth crying very hard. I really needed that. Also, I was glad I could be a pallbearer even though I am a woman. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: A simple handshake and a few kind words from a person was (is) surprisingly comforting to me, it didn't matter if they are my closest relatives or complete strangers. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Can't think of anything. Everything was important to us. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I'm not over it. It only happened a week ago. I feel very sad still. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I'd have gotten to know him better. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... My Dad was only 60. Way way to young to die. I didn't realize how young 60 is until he died. He shouldv'e lived another 30 years. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could dunno. Still too confused to answer that question. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Cried a lot, felt sorrow beyond belief, and wished I could bring him back. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: I dislike doctors. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Cancer was involved but there was no hospice. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Very little. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Acceptable --Regarding MONEY: I laughed in the funeral director's face when she told me the cost of a urn. They wanted $700 for a box exactly like one I'd seen at Loblaws for $40. --Regarding the FUNERAL: I felt somewhat disappointed with the funeral home staff. But I was immensely pleased and surprised by all the people that showed up for the visitation and the funeral service. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Having my father die has left me feeling severed spiritually. Physically I feel like someone is continually running over me with a truck. Emotionally, I can't go very long without a fit of crying. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : In my father's case, even though he had been sick for several months, it wasn't until he refused to eat anymore (five days before he died) that it finally sunk in that he was going to die. And although I saw his death coming, it hit me harder than I could have ever imagined. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I keep waiting to see my father's spirit visit me. I want to see him again. I want to know he is near me. Inside me. Watching over me. --RE: Near Death Experiences: I once experienced astral travel where my soul left my body. Because of this experience I am 100% positive the soul exists and the body is merely it's shell. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I plan to see a psychiatrist. My father's death has left me confused and guilty and sad. --If we were to visit one last conversation... This is a difficult question for me. I need someone to help me process my feelings around this issue: What I should have said, would have liked to hear. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: My father requested a closed casket (except for immediate family) and at first I didn't understand this because I wanted everyone to see him and be able to say good bye just like I got the opportunity to do. I even tried to talk my mother into leaving it open, despite his wish. She refused and I am eternally grateful that she abided his wishes and kept it closed. My father had said he didn't want people coming and gawking at his dead body, he wanted visitors to console his family, and they did, and it was better that it was closed. I see that now. --Any thoughts about your own death?: My father's death has actually helped eliminate part of my fear of dying. Or maybe I'm just feeling numb right now. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Two things I mentioned before: I spend half hour alone with my father at the funeral palour and I was a pallbearer. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Can't think of any. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was long, but I'm glad I filled it out. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 27 20:17:52 1998 F48 in Davenport, Iowa =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Psychiatric social worker - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 7yrs ago. Cause of Death: a motorcycle accident.; Aged: 28. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The cessation of life in that body. The person no longer breathes, eats, moves, or relates to others as live people do. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was shocked. I had had no experience with losing an important person before. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...A priest who was close to my closest friend was killed in an accident. I had met him several times and liked him. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The feeling that none of our lives would ever be the same, that a day would never pass without missing him and wishing him alive. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Talking about it is necessary, for the bereaved and for an example to children. There are few routine behaviors any more, and that's hard for everyone. Grief goes on for years, while the man-in-the-street gave "two weeks" as an expected time of mourning. It's much longer, two years or more in most research with those who have experienced loss. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: The kindness of friends who talked, who remembered him by telling us stories, who gathered from all over (his college friends, high school friends, etc) to be with us and say goodbye to him. Our son lived in another state and his body was flown home. My brother-in-law took some pictures of Matt and bought clothes for him to be buried in. I knew I would have to do it, but I dreaded it so. My brother-in-law asked if he could do that for us, and I'll always be grateful. Also, he was hurt on a holiday weekend when his fiancee was out of town, gone for a week. He was 28 and didn't carry his parents' info any more, just hers. The third day after his accident (he lived for seven weeks) a hospital social worker started dialing area codes in our region, and finally reached us. Her words were "I'm trying to locate the family of Matthew ..." If not for her, we wouldn't have known for four more days. If our name were Johnson or Smith, she couldn't have located us. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Being able to talk to people who didn't rush, who weren't embarrassed. I'm fortunate, I have a sister and sister-in-law who are both nurses, and I'm a social worker, so I had people around me who were able to do this. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Knowing that none of his future plans and hopes would come to fruition. He was the only male in that generation, so the name won't go on either. --[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Can now think of him with sadness but remember the good times as well. He was paralyzed, and the only sense he retained was hearing. He would have hated that, and wishing him back would doom him to a terrible life. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: He died. Physically, he was out of the woods. There never was a definitive reason, but I think now he decided to go. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: It helped us all, talking about Matt and some of the things he'd done with friends, etc. I was his step-mother and he as a teen called me his "simulated parental unit." --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Have different music at the funeral home. Instrumentals of some of his favorite groups, like the Beatles, were available, but I didn't have time to obtain them. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Have so many of his friends with us. They began arriving in town the day before his funeral and filtered in until that morning. It was good to have them, even though we'd never met some of them from his college days. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: A neighbor brought coffee, cream and sugar and cups, knowing we would have a lot of people in and out. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: You are never really over losing a child. It completely goes against nature. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... He might be married, he might be a father, his artwork might be recognized, he would be a part of all of our lives again. There's always a small undercurrent of the loss, not daily anymore, but at times when the family is together. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I never had that thought. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could It isn't that intense often. Turning back to clock to prevent the accident would be a wish. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt icy. I wanted to tell someone so I could hear it and believe it. My husband was not at home at the time, and the hospital wouldn't tell me as I was his stepmother, not his biological mother. It took several hours to reach my husband, and then he had to call the hospital and then call me back. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Incredible kindness, except when he died. They wouldn't tell me on the phone because I was his stepmother. I had to track down my husband who was out of town, and that took hours. I thought he might have died because I called the hospital back and asked for his room, and they said they didn't have a patient by that name. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: We aren't a religious family. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic --Regarding MONEY: We were fortunate in this regard. Some people who were not able to really talk about it sent flowers or donations to the hospital. --Regarding the FUNERAL: How comforting their presence was. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: No notion of time passing. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Bluing and cooling of the hands and feet, lack of urination, the sensation of the dying being hot and wanting covers, etc. off them. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: He was a headstrong kid and I was angry at him for not wearing a motorcycle helmet. But there was no point in even thinking about that after the first few days. I don't feel any unresolved issues, but his father struggled with them for a long time. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I have made sure my children and husband know I favor organ donation if needed. I would want nature to take it's course if the alternative were to be that I would be alive only as long as the hospital electricity held out. Ihave a few favorite hymns that I would like at my funeral, and I should be sure to make those known. --Any thoughts about your own death?: If I knew I were about to die, I would try to resolve things with others so they would be all right. I don't like the idea of my own death, but what I left behind would be the most important things to me, the memories of people I love and cherish. I would want to tell them what they meant to me. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I mentally bring him up to date on the other kids, our lives, how I know he would glad to hear such and such. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I mentally bring my grandmother (who died a month after my stepson) up to date as well, just in case. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People Nothing as sinister as any of those -- it was inexperience. At my age and with luck, I had never lost a close relative or friend. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I realized that as horrible as the situation was, we were blessed with caring friends, caring and supportive medical care for him, compassionate professionals (the funeral home, etc.)and really very little additional horror that some people go through. I do wonder though how this might affect people who've had the death occur recently. It could be good in that it would give them a chance to review if they don't have someone to do this with, but it might be kind of hard because it does make one think a lot. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Include step- relationships in the questionnaire. I couldn't be told directly of his death because I was a step-parent,even though I had been part of his family for twenty years. That was awful, suspecting but not being able to know. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 27 15:03:09 1998 F39 in Valencia, CA =United States= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 weeks ago. Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 39. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The individual's physical body ceases to function and they die. SOme people believe however, thet the person's soul (that which makes him or her unique, their spirit) continues on at another level or plane. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was young and found it hard to deal with the concept of never seeing that person again. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My father's father died when I was about 8 years old. Since I only saw his twice a year, it was not terribly difficult to deal with. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the profound sense of loss and tragedy of the death of someone so young. Regret that I wasn't able to speak to him during his final days, in fact wasn't even aware that he had a terminal illness. The diagnosis and death were within 3 weeks. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I thinks the one thing death does, is reinforce how precious and short life really is. It makes us appreciate our loved ones more and for that I am grateful. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen When death comes quickly & unexpectedly to someone young, it's very hard to deal with. Especially if you are unaware of it till some time after the funeral. You can't get a sense of closure. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 27 11:33:17 1998 F19 in Sacramento, CA =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: college student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 3 days ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: part of the process of life. People must pass on in order for others to be here. Dying is not always a painful process, it can be very quick, and very peaceful. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I awakened early in the morning, and I went downstairs and saw my mom looking at a family scrapbook. We looked through it together for awhile, and then she explained why she had taken it out. She told me that my great-grandma had died. We cried together for a long time. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my great grandmother died in the hospital. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Everyone was very glad that she was at peace, but we all still missed her very much. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is a process that is inevitable, but not scary. Death brings us peace in a way no other earthly thing can. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: knowing that my family members and friends who have died are not in pain any longer. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: friends just letting me cry and vent -- they just let me go through the grieving process without trying to inhibit me. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I thought I might not have let them know how I felt about them. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Touch him/her, let the person know you're there for him/her. --[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: understand that there was a reason (though it's not evident right now) for her death. God knows what He is doing. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I wondered why she had to die at such a young age. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: my lack of sleep made me somewhat hysterical. Also the fact that I was in such denial -- I thought it was a joke. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: let her know how much I loved her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be a friend and support toher while she was alive. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: she patted my hand to let me know that it was okay, she wasn't afraid. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: I don't know. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: something really reminds me of times we spent together. Then I really miss her. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see her one more time, and let her know that I think of her always. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I was very angry that she had to die. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: extreme kindness and care. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: that I needed to trust what God is doing because He does have an ultimate plan. --Religious Affiliation: Presbyterian, converting to Catholicism --Regarding MONEY: it was not an issue at all, my cousin was only 16 --The weirdest part of it all to me was: sometimes feeling her presence in a room with me. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I know that she knows I love her, and for me, that's definitely enough. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'm not really afraid to die, but I'm afraid of not feeling like I accomplished anything worthwhile while I was on earth. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: getting together with friends and family members and laughing about good times we had with her. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - just helped me systematically work through the process ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 26 18:49:02 1998 F21 in , PA =USA= Name: Tiffany Email: <dlm-at-epix.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Friend ] Prof/Studies: mother - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 1 1/2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: smoke inhalation; Aged: 23yrs 9 mo. 6 days. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A new beginning in a better place. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...She died from a heart attack in the middle of the night. She was my Mothers supervisor at work...kind of a Grandma to me. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: knowing that my sister would never get to hold her nephew, who was 1 month from being born. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that about 1 year after my sister passed away I met my future husband and had the feeling that she sent him to me. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my newborn son. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: picking up the phone to call her only to remember that she was gone. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say good bye. I wish more that she would have had the opportunity to see her nephew at least once as she was so excited about the upcoming addition to the family. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: listen to everything my sister had told me in the past and get out of a bad relationship and on with my life. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... exactly! Its just not fair. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I became a sales person for Eagle Distributing Company and began doing home fire saftey programs to educate other families on the threat that fire poses to everyone. And also to sell them the best residential heat and smoke detection system available. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I had a dream one morning where my sister was laying on the bed with my son and I walked into the room and she spoke with me. One of the only things I could understand that she said to me was "I can take you with me." At the time it scared me because I thought that she meant that I was going to die, but later I realized that she meant that she was going to help me find the kind of happiness and love that she had. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Holding my newborn son and telling him about his Aunt Kimberly and what a wonderful sister she was to me as well as a best friend. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I have become a better person as a result of this tradegy... I left a bad relationship...and finally heard what my sister had been saying for the two years prior to her death and stopped using drugs. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 26 05:06:27 1998 F17 in North Manchester, IN =America= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 72. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A person ceases to breath and isn't able to function anymore. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Was five years old --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... My family had gone swimming in a river and I almost got pulled into a swirl hole. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Not getting to say goodbye --What I think my (America) culture needs to better learn about death is: A natural process --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: That the person wasn't in pain anymore - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Denial What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Mar 25 17:08:45 1998 F61 in Demorest, Georgia =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] I have the psych site bookmarked and check it perodically - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 40 yrs ago. Cause of Death: accidental electrocution; Aged: 25. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a cessation of life in all its forms. The heart, that is our motor, stops working. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very young and felt very sad for my Aunt. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my cousin was shot down in WW II and I wrote his mother a condolence note. I was about 5 or 6 at the time. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how I cried over the sudden and horrible death of Princess Diana and I didn't even know her. It was like a very close friend had been killed. I found it to be an amazing reaction on my part. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it doesn't need so many expensive rituals. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my grandmother was spared any more pain. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: time --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I have not experienced this in a LONG time, so have no feelings on the subject. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it is a release of all the pent up emotion you've held in during the long illness. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell my mother precisely how I felt about her and her manipulations of everyone in my family. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: that god was watching over this particular person. what rubbish. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that the good die and the mean live. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried because I'd never be able to ask my grandmother a question again. That didn't hit me until about 4 months after her death. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: their being a bunch of money grubbing vultures. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: absolutely nothing. --Religious Affiliation: current is none, past is Episcopalian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: 0 --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': none --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: since they're not here, it's pointless to even try. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I have tried to take care of as much legal stuff as I can, but there's no guarantee that it will be done. I've seen too many families do as they damn well please and to hell with the wish of the dead. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'd just like to be sure that I didn't suffer and have to be in a nursing home. That is the ultimate in indignaties. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System By the time most people die, it's a release and therefore welcome What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Superstition - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I found some of your questions so strange that they didn't pertain to me at all. I also found that my attitudes about death are definitely NOT the norm. so what else is new? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Mar 25 13:36:32 1998 F29 in Caerphilly, Mid Glamorgan =South Wales, U.K.= Name: Rhianydd Email: <laurence.vaughan-at-virgin.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Psychology/Sociology Degree Student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: Sorry that I couldn't complete all of the questionnaire, but it become very painful for me because I only lost my Grand-mother 4 weeks ago. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 8 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 89. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: never being able to see, touch, feel or talk to that particular person every again. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was in total disbelief, feeling as though I was in trance. Assuming that I would never lose a family member. It took absolutely ages for the death to sink and then I just remembered my grand-father and smiled. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was I lost my first family member. It was my grand-father. He died of chronic chest problems having worked as a coal miner all his life. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: a feeling of relief, I lost my last remaining grand-parent only 4 weeks ago. I had watched my nan sufferring immensly for the last two years. She kept saying "I've had enough", and "time to let go". She was ready to go, and to watch the pain disapear from her face when she did go was pure relief and a slight bit of happiness (knowing that her wishes had come true). --What I think my (South Wales, U.K.) culture needs to better learn about death is: This country deals with death sympathatically and you can garentee a lot of support from your family and friends. Additionally, services held at chapels or cremetoriums are always an excellent way of saying good-bye, and not being afraid to show your emotions. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: See above --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Family, in particular my partner and some very dear close friends. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Some unpleasant family upsets - what's the saying: you can chose your friends, but not your family. The majority of my family are wonderful, and others are just horrid. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: They know that you care, .... --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Never mind what family divides their might be, go to the church service and say good-bye and let your feeling go with that good-bye. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Can't recall any. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: interfered and urged my last remaining grand-mother to treat all her children equally. (All of her estate was left to my Aunt, subsequently my father and uncle felt very unloved and deeply hurt by her action). --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Family members that I had not seen for a very long time, turned up at the funeral to pay their respects. (Thank you to them). --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I accepted that I would never see my grand-father, etc. again, and was able to start griefing, letting my feeling out - crying, shouting etc. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Other: I went into a trance, not really accepting that he was gone. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: Perhaps, I never thought I was actually lose a family member. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Mar 25 12:09:25 1998 F47 in Baton Rouge, Louisiana =United States= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Closer to the Light /////// (and others I can't remember titles of just now - or the authors) Recommended Reading-- Writers: Melvin Moorse - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 yr ago. Cause of Death: endocardis - subsequent failure of 2 valves in heart; Aged: 71. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: is not being able to be with or talk with someone who shared a part of my life. It is a knowledge that that person goes on to a higher form of life but we humans can no longer spend time with them on this earth. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I felt totally devastated - totally empty. Difficult time acknowledging he was REALLY GONE...NOT coming back. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was my dad got sick with what was initially thought to be pneumonia. It turned out to be lung cancer from asbestos. He and I were VERY close - best friends. He was admitted to the hospital 3 times and died the 3rd time, 3 mos after first symptoms, on Easter morning! I stayed with him almost constantly. We have a close, loving family and most all were in and out at various times. Great support. Gave him lots of things to smile, laugh about. Talked abt what eventually seemed to be his impending death (which was 2 days after his 62nd b'day). He had imput, shared thoughts, fears, desire to continue fighting but no life support measures, ie: feeding tube, respirator, etc... Just couldn't believe he really died. Wanted him to be healed so-o-o-o badly. My best friend, gone. Then mom leaned on me, rather than my older brother, for all the business that needed to be done for the next year - succession of estate, taxes, ... My sons were devastated, in their pre-teen years and adored him. Hard stuff. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how I went into the room where the staff put her body, covered to her chin and just kept brushing her hair back off her forehead w/ my hand and talking to her. Telling her I was so sorry she couldn't make it, couldn't get well. I remember so well wanting to hug her but my brother was w/ me and he was anxious for me to leave. He kept saying, lets go, and pulling on my arm. I twitched her toe from on top of the sheet as I walked by and said, "later mom." I also remember watching the surgeon tell us she died on the table, they'd done all they could, her heart just wouldn't start up again and then I just saw his mouth moving and couldn't hear him anymore. I sure that was shock. --What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is: to grieve - the "whole 9 yards" of it -- crying, anger, w/drawal, reminisce, feel okay about being selfish for your loss of being able to still enjoy the presence of this special person, to accept it as a natural occurrence, to KNOW that GOD DIDN'T DO THIS TO YOU OR HIM/HER. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: The opportunity I had to be so close, my heart entwined, with each of my love ones who have died. Since my mom there has been my favorite aunt and Nanny both of whom my name came from. I know my gift is to be able to remember all the wonderful times and feel them over and over. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: All of these things being extremely important. Include my uncle who is a Methodist minister, my church minister, my church friends in choir. Still, a tremendous help was the psychologist who supported, cared and guided me, each time, through the grief process. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not being able to hug them again, not seeing, hearing them or sharing w/ them. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: let them talk about their impending death. Don't hush them. Let them say anything they want/need to and even encourage them to start talking if you sense they want to but are afraid to. Let them go - tell them you're releasing them even though you'll miss them so very much. In our family we believe in angels helping us cross over into God's arms. Let them know it's ok to talk abt the angels if they want to. --[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: value their friendship, their upbringing of me, their love. I want others to know it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through(except for my son's multiple heart surgeries from 5 weeks old to 3 years old), but we can do what we must and feel all the feelings that go with it then come out on the side of the living. We have to move on and not stop living on the day they died. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I prayed so-o hard for God to heal them, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, in every way and let them continue living - and then they died anyway. I was confused about "ask and ye shall receive" / "all things are possible through Him." Still I know the gift of FREE-WILL that He gave to us humans, He doesn't take it back. Because of our free-will mankind has invented or discovered used for things (chemicals, materials...) that later are found to cause illness &/or death. Man's free-will to (for instance) drink and drive can take the life of someone you love - their irresponsibility can cause awful things to happen. So confusion & contradiction exist. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Never happened. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: the only thing I would have wanted to do that I couldn't was to keep them from pain. Also, I couldn't get from another state to my mom in time to see her before she went into emergency surgery. She died on the table. She'd kept asking for me...that hurts a lot. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be with my dad. His death was difficult but at least he knew I was with him. I was also so thankful I'd had lots of time with both my parents to hug, love and talk w/ them in the weeks prior to their death. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Nothing --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Nothing --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I need one or both of my parents - just need to feel that hug again, to tell them something important, to spill my "guts" to ask advise to share something. Sometimes I feel like an orphan - at 47 I'll still say, "I NEED my mom & dad." Seems silly but that's the way it is. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Lots different, in so many ways. Too much for me go on into now,time crunch. Emotional crunch. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Discussed earlier - but never felt the unfair part. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could die and go to heaven. Then I could be with them and Jesus. I wouldn't have to deal with anymore of this "crap" on earth. Yet I know the good on earth too, I continue to try to do what I hope will be helpful for others, even those alone or teaching 2-year olds in Sunday school. But still, lots of times I just wish I could die a painless, non-violent death. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried a lot. Looked at photographs of them - of us. I wanted to talk about good memories. I wanted them back. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: caring, thoughtfulness, believing we had brains enough to understand and therefore kept us informed on details, lab results, prognosis....The medical communities I've dealt with in each case have been involved too by acknowledging our fears, pain, anxiety. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Never got to hospice w/ dad. He died before he got home. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: KNOWING there's life after death. KNOWING God was with us and our love one. To have the support, love and understanding of our church family. To have been taught what the Bible tells us about death and trying to hold on to that knowledge. --Religious Affiliation: Methodist / Presbyterian Since birth I've been lucky enough to have this foundation. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like the love of God. He is universal, in all our souls. He is with us, like it or not, acknowledge it or not - He is. --Regarding MONEY: First the funeral home, the cemetery, the florist... Pay at time of service like the grocery store. Difficult at best. However, the funeral home took assignment of the life ins. and we had to come up with the rest. Next was the succession and taxes (inheritance) attorneys, ...of the estate. Income tax changes. Frozen assets... --Regarding the FUNERAL: for dad - over 800 in the church sanctuary and several hundred standing outside. So obvious how well he was liked/loved. Their love was palatable. For mom. In deep south Louisiana an ice storm is paralyzing. That is what happened the night she died. All highways, airways...closed. Very few could make it to the funeral home or the church. Even one of my sons from north La. couldn't get home. He cried even more, so sad. LOTS of phone calls later as the papers were finally being delivered. Florists mostly couldn't get flowers in or send them out as the roads & bridges were closed. So sad. Yet as the days went by we got what seemed to be "millions" of cards, more calls and lots of visits as the ice melted and folks could get about. That felt GOOD. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Not being able to deny the death since I saw them dead, felt their cold bodies, KNEW they were dead but so badly wanted them not to be. Weird. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : ----------.????? --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': My aunt kept saying she could see angels. She could hear music."Oh look how pretty the grass is!" Another said not to worry abt their suitcase because Charles would bring it with him. Charles was healthy and many years younger. But Charles quite suddenly died the next day!! --RE: Near Death Experiences: My son was near death when he was 2 1/2 years old. When I walked into his hospital room to lay on a cot, the night before yet another surgery, the room was dark except for a small amount of light seeping in from under the closed door. Then suddenly a very, very bright light (like an operating room light only brighter still) shone down on him and I could see, actually see him laying in God's arms. God's arms were under him while he lay in the crib. My son's head at God's elbows, upper arms and his legs on God's fingers. Nothing was said but then I had a sure, definate knowledge that everything was okay. That whatever happened it would be okay. My son was not expected to make it through the surgery, extremely ill, 19 lbs at 2 1/2 yrs, etc. The light disappeared and he continued to sleep soundly. I went to sleep and slept well. The next day the surgery lasted 7 hrs to closing but he did beautifully. Today he will be 24 on 4/26/74 and is a wonderful young man, very attractive, bright, lots of wit/humor. I know what I saw. It's like it happened last night, even tho it's been 22 yrs. I don't feel like I have to prove it to anyone but it did take me abt 6 years before I told anyone about it. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: Fine. No unresolved issues. --If we were to visit one last conversation... Just one more I love you - see you later. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: A living will. No life support measures. Put me in oblivion w/ Rx if necessary to stay away from pain. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I like for it to be painless and non-violent. I don't think I'm afraid to die. I would feel sad for my love ones I would be leaving behind, knowing their grief will be painful. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Closure for my dad's death came by "walking" through it and saying goodbye to him. Giving him a hug, holding his hand and saying goodbye. (7 years after his death.) Don't wait that long. Acknowledge the grief sooner, it won't hurt as bad. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? no - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People Family & friends love, compassion, letting me cry (after 7 yrs.) Working with a wonderful psychologist who walked me through saying goodbye to dad and then letting him go. Remembering more & more of the good and letting the hurt subside. Visiting his grave for awhile. A butterfuly that fluttered from his headstone to me - feeling like a "sign" for letting go. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope Both my dad's parents died the year prior to his death - they were in their 90's but VERY active and I lived next door, saw them every day. Then my father-in-law, who lived only 5 miles away, died. Next dad, then my mother's sister who lived on the same 100 acres we lived on died. My mother-in-law was dying of bone cancer through all this!!!! I had to hold in my grief b/c so many of us were hit so hard in so short a period of time. My husband would say, "My dad died too." but he wouldn't talk to me about it. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Felt good. Caused me to remember a lot of things I may have put away already. I believe I've gotten through my grieving. The questionnaire is a good one. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? none ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 24 19:41:39 1998 F28 in Portland, Oregon =USA= Name: Samantha - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Child Protective Service Worker - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1yrs ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 57. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when the body dies and the living are left with no way to communicate with the dead person. They perish forever --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was eleven when my grandmother died. I was alone with her and when i went into her bedroom, i knew she had died before ever approaching her, just a feeling that came over me. I was very scared and not sure what to do so I called 911 for help --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I was 11 and caring for my sick grandmother who was dying of cancer. I was the only one home with her when she died. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: my family has been very estranged from one another for about 15 years. My fathers death, has brought some of the family together onto speaking terms. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: the promise of an after life does not easy the pain for the living. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my father's death has reunified me and my older sister. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my rabbi --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not knowing if he suffered and died alone (rather than instantly) --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: there is no need to talk....silence is okay, just having the courage to be by their side matters alot. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: no transgression is beyond forgiveness. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I saw the body, It was hard to comprehend the fact that he was gone forever. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: n/a --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: ammend old hurts and to tell him that i had forgiven him and really did still love him, no matter what. I would have told him that i realized as an adult that no act was beyond forgiveness. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: retain the courage to attend the funeral. It turned out to mean alot to me and helped to mend some past hurt feelings. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: My own behavior while veiwing the body. I approached the casket, glanced turned away and started to walk away, got five feet, turned to approach again and decided not to, walked another five feet. Turned and walked all the way up to the casket, stayed for 15 seconds, turned and walked away again, made it about 30 feet, sat down, and approached one more time, and then left. I now see this as my own abivilance over my father and the fear of the reality that he had died so unexpectantly. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: people sending flowers to my home, and yet never calling to talk. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see his picture or think about him. Hearing about someone loosing a loved one to death, seems to bring it all back as well. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that i didn't know in advance...i knew he would not live forever but thought i had time to make ammends with him at some later date. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could pretend it all away --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I It did not hit me for a couple of days, i was too busy arranging airline tickets and rental car. When i arrive in his town and got dressed for the funeral is when it hit me, and at that point i didn't think i could attend the funeral. I felt so weak that i wanted to get back on the plane without going to the funeral. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: contempt and why they couldn't save his life --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: the difference between acceptance and denial. My rabbi was the most important person in my griefing process. I spent much time with him, talking of my father and this helped a lot. --Religious Affiliation: jewish --Regarding MONEY: i was not involved with this. --Regarding the FUNERAL: how many people's lives he had touched...i did not know he was such a well loved man. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 24 16:22:03 1998 F23 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] search on tests - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 months ago. Cause of Death: boating accident; Aged: 23. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a trophy... the value given to life --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... my dog got hit by a car while I went to the store with my mother... she forgot to tie him up. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: not wanting to act like i was supposed to... (shook up) i recall dealing withit in my own way --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: it is not a bad thing... it is something to be embraced... it is the most beautiful creation... it makes everything valuable --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: ??? read above --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: myself --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: missing out on things left to do... --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was the right thing to do... --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: love more... spend more time dancing to that person's music --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: smile when we passed --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: how important other people's processes were... example: my father's reaction to my friend's death was really important to me even though it is not how i needed to act. I actually seemed to let him take over the side that I didn't intend to experience... --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i think about losing the integrated feeling... breathing the same air... dealing with the same world... it feels as if death detatches the person from the cloth.. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: all wishes should be respected as death is a holy passing... - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget Recognizing loss also occurs in other aspects of life... What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: Not being able to say goodbye... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 24 15:56:08 1998 F53 in Salinas, CA =USA= Name: Margaret Coberly, PhD Email: <coberly-at-salinas.net> My PhD dissertation topic: The transpersonal dimension of hospice care and education: Applications of Tibetan Buddhist psychology. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Independent Nurse-consultant - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Buddhism through American women's eyes Recommended Reading-- Writers: Tsomo, K. L. (Ed.)(1995). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 3 weeks ago. Cause of Death: hypertension/old age; Aged: 84. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of life as we know it. And, for many of us it is the end of everything. Others among us believe in an afterlife, some say it is eternal, others say we reincarnate, and continue to have birth and death in cycles until we free ourselves by accumulating knowledge and wisdom about our true nature. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was shocked. It didnt seem possible that someone could be an alive and breathing presence and then in just a few non breaths be gone - dead and cold - just a shell. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was my grandfather died and everyone treated me differently for some reason. I was only about eight or nine years old then. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how shocking it is to realize that each and everyone of us will also die. But the time of an individual's death is so uncertain! --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that denying death does not make it go away. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the absolute transluscent beauty of my brother's face when he took his last short shallow breaths and left forever his embattered, cancer-filled body. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Tibetan Buddhism --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: How fleeting life is and how do we prioritize what is truly important and what is not - especially in such a "die-hard" death denying culture. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Don't be afraid of silence. --[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: went back to college and got a PhD in psychology. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I got so tired from the seemingly endless stream of days and nights of the dying trajectory that I had constant sleep deprivation and inability to do anything else other than be with him. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: laughing is completely normal. Death and the dying process brings a new view of reality to the participants. And, sometimes it's the things we took the most seriously that started to look the most ridiculous and funny in the face of death. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: try and be in less of a hurry when I am doing something. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Be there unconditionally for my brother and allow him to have the support he needed to get out of his body when the time came. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: my brother turned to me and said "I guess there isn't going to be any miracle on Bonhill Rd. this year" It just seemed that in that moment he finally accepted his condtion. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: my brother started to become extremely selective about who he would see during the last few weeks of his life. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I realize that it is the fate of us all and yet so few are willing to recognize it or talk about it. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I am glad I had the experience. I am sure my brother wasn't glad that he had to have the death! But, he didn't seem happy being a lawyer, and a Dad of 4, and he thought his wife didnt love him anymore.. .so when he got cancer it gave him some extreme focus. I think I would have a lot less wisdom if that experience had not occurred. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that young people should die. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could go to europe and elude death in the country somewhere. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt empty - hollow inside. As though nothing at all really mattered anymore. Ordinary situations and processes seemed completely useless, and boring. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: The medical community is not generous with their time. The actions of the medical community are dictated by protocols and measuring outcomes. Hospice on the other hand is another story. There, help is usually available. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Hospice is a wonderful organization. The open-mindedness of many of the caregivers when it comes to talking about death and dying is a great relief from the normal death denial. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: It helps different people in different ways. --Religious Affiliation: Past: Christian Present: Buddhist/Christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like a grander reality - a transpersonal context. --Regarding the FUNERAL: How many friends my brother had --The weirdest part of it all to me was: how much it changed our point of view about reality. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Withdrawal from social relations. Eyes rolling up when resting. Fading. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': This phenomena definitely occurred and was talked about. Beings of light seemed to converse with him - actually off and on for quite a few days prior to the actual leaving of the body. --RE: Near Death Experiences: When I was having my second child by C-section, they rolled me onto the operating room table and gave me an epidural anesthetic. Then I started drifting into a soft, white glowing mass of fog like comfort upward and I could hear thee anesthetised saying something like "#$#%% Mac, we are losing her, what is happening she is going flat line" By then I was up in the corner of the ceiling looking down at the table and then he slugged me on the chest and rolled me to the side (my unborn child was resting on my aorta and had stopped the circulation)and then I was back in what seemed a rather cold indifferent place. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I have helped one brother and one sister through their dying trajectory. And, I have as a hospice nurse befriended and seen die, countless people young and old. I actually really don't care if I die. Sometimes I wonder if that isn't just an admission of depression. Yet I don't have other signs and symptoms of depression.It makes me happy to serve others. But not much else has meaning. I love Allen Ginsberg's poem that says: "Well, while I'm here I'll do the work - and what's the work? To ease the pain of living. Everything else, drunken dumbshow." --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: When I experience the death of a loved one or a patient that I have known, I set aside a block of time not long after their passing and I write down my relationship with the person and what I was glad I did with them and what I regretted either by omission or comission. Then I fold the paper with their name on it and light a votive candle and say and do some meditations for them. I let the candle burn itself out and then I burn the paper and wish the deceased the highest possible evolution. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Trying to be more aware of what is happening in the moment right now instead of allowing myself to dwell on the past or to manufacture fantasies about the future - but it is still difficult to do! - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos General death denial everywhere. People think you are crazy if you talk about "morbid" things. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It is very interesting to try and extricate oneself from death denial. This questionnaire reminded me that death awareness has to be cultivated on a daily basis. Thanks. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 24 12:22:01 1998 F29 in Boston, MA =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Friend ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 3yrs ago. Cause of Death: rare terminal illness; Aged: 45The. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of your physical life on earth --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was young enough to be impressionable and remember what loss and grief were like, but remained unaware about what death really meant. I remember a lot of sadness surrounding our family and loved ones. --That first time, how it happened was My aunt died of cancer --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How loved and respected my uncle was. And....how much I miss my uncle. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Never to take loved ones for granted. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Life goes so fast...I learning to live life to the fullest and enjoy all it has to offer before the opportunity is gone. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Family --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Coping with the loss --[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: try to remain positive even during the rough times in life --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I thought about what a loving, generous, thoughtful person my uncle was....I didn't understand how a terminal illness could happen to him at such a young age. Why him? --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: spend more time with my uncle --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: visit him in the hospital months before he passed away. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I reminisce about past holidays with my uncle --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... often. Besides being so young, he had just gotten married for the first time six weeks before he got sick. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could get to know my uncle as an adult. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: gratitude and frustration. The doctors were very helpful and conforting, but still are unable to find a cure or a cause. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: He never entered hospice, but those surrounding him were very supportive. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: looking for the strength and understanding for my family and myself to see us through this difficult time. --Religious Affiliation: Roman Catholic --Regarding MONEY: It brought out the worst in certain relatives. --Regarding the FUNERAL: How much my uncle was loved --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I try to go to the graveyard whenever possible, when I am in town. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 24 11:02:37 1998 F19 in kahnawake (it's a reserve), quebec (it's a province) =canada= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: anthropology student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, eight yrs ago. Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: in her early forties. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when we pass from this life to the next. When we die we leave our earthly bodies and are reunited with those who died before us before we are reincarnated. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried an awful lot but mostly it was because I did not know whateverybody was talking about and I knew that something was wrong. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was..a friend of mine died when I was in kindergarten. She was smothered in a tunnel she had dug in the snow. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how all everybody did was cry and fight at the funeral. --What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it is not the end. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: having something to do when it happened. I had to help prepare the food for the wake and watch the children. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: not to cry when you look at them. Most dying people have accepted their fate and just want to enjoy their last moments with their loved ones. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I've done stuff like that my entire life. I've always said and done the most inappropriate things at the worst times since I was a child. It helps to lighten the mood. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: that my aunt should have went home to die. The hospital is such an emotionless place. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing. --Religious Affiliation: I was raised a Catholic but I am not practicing. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like a good thing. --Regarding MONEY: the fighting over who would pay for the funeral and stuff like that. --Regarding the FUNERAL: that too many people who didn't care were there just for show. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I dreamt she had died the night she died but it was only natural because she was already dying. --RE: Near Death Experiences: My mother said that when her mother had a heart attack she was pronounced clinically dead. She was revived but died in a few minutes. When she was revived she was mad at the doctors who revived her because she said she was with her dead husband again. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was a good questionnaire but I did not feel like answering all of the questions and it is a bit long. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Mar 24 08:23:26 1998 M45 in Minneapolis, MN =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Surfing for Psych Tests/Research to participate in - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Conversations with God, Emmanuels Book - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 12 yrs ago. Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 38. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when we leave our physical bodies and our accumulated energy returns to the source of that energy. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too young to understand what had happened and to have any kind of belief systems that explained it. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my uncle died when I was around 4-5 years old. I don't remember knowing much about how it happened but I remember more that the adults were upset --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: profound sadness, not necessarily for the death itself, which was a bit of a relief from suffering, but for the sadness that my friend had had to deal with throughout his life. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it's not the end but a continuation. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the celebration of my friend's life by those who were left behind who loved him. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: seeing films like "Longtime Companion", "Truly, Madly, Deeply" which reflect my belief that death is not the "end" just the continuation of the journey. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: be there in person when he died. --Religious Affiliation: Roman Catholic - Past affiliation --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: right. All the dogma has been created by man and has distorted (because man is not a perfect creature) the purpose of the Spirit. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 23 23:44:23 1998 M29 in San Clemente, CA =USA= Name: Greg - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Bookstore Manager - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4yrs ago. Cause of Death: complications of parkinsons disease; Aged: 61. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Existing in avacuum for a short period of time. Everything is still going on outside the vacuum but, you really don't hear anyone else or have many other thoughts running through you mind other than the death of that person and your memories of them. In some ways you are more consumed with yourself rather than the person who died. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I decided this is something I want to understand. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the bonding that can take place during the dying process and and the emptyness afterward. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: How important it is to the meaning and development of all your relationships. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I learned the depth of caring. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: time alone. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: watching them deteriorate. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: care for them! Even is their condition is physically repulsive. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: embrace it. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: He had died and it was over. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was the best laugh you'll ever have. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: speak at his funeral. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: He had me dictate his last messages to his family and friends. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: what was he going to wear. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I look at an old letter or photo. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I was released. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: little support. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: somewhat helpful. --Religious Affiliation: Christian --Regarding MONEY: It became more stressful than his actual death. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: When the morticians take the body away. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 23 21:33:18 1998 F42 in Buffalo, NY =US= Name: Mo McMahon Email: <mmcmahon-at-acsu.buffalo.edu> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: University Secretary - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend, 13 yrs ago. Cause of Death: an airplane disaster; Aged: 26. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: either a natural process or a great ripping apart, and either way, it is always sad. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was a little kid. I had a lot of nightmares about cold bodies, green people in coffins, suffocating in my own coffin, and the like. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandmother died when I was six. That was sad but "acceptable." A classmate succumbed to Cystic Fibrosis when I was around 10; that was traumatic. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: pain. Agonizing, devastating pain. When my girlfriend died she was one of 256 casualties. I was a flight attendant w/the airline, so the entire crew were dear friends. It's not supposed to happen in your own "back yard," you know? --What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: Allowing survivors to grieve. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My best friend was the little sister I never had. I thank the Lord for my time with her. (Of course, at the time I wasn't thanking Him for anything!) As far as after her death, I learned who my true friends were and how much they loved me. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: The shared experience. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Sudden death of many friends in this airline disaster. The hardest part was the judgemental attitude toward our airline and the lack of compassion for our loss. Personally I was a lost sheep because the person I would have leaned on most was the one who died. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I wasn't there, thank God. --[My GirlFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: You're stronger than you believe, esp. in the weeks that follow. Those are some tough times, but you will pull out, and your sadness will make you a more compassionate human being. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I wasn't confused. Ever. I was devastated. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Sorry. I just kept crying. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: I've always felt blessed that my friendship with this friend was the most open of my life, and we really knew just how much we cherished one another. I didn't have to wish for an extra opportunity. Lucky, huh? --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Become close to my girlfriend's mom. She lived in another city so, while we'd heard PLENTY about each other, we'd never met. I gave my daughter my girlfriend's name as her middle name; now my daughter has an extra grandma. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I felt her spirit let go. For a few days she hovered nearby and I felt her presence even when I wasn't consciously thinking of her. Her mom and I compared these feelings and found we both felt her pulling away at the same time. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Ronald Reagan. Please don't ask. President Bozo. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see TV coverage of another downed plane. Lockerbie did us all in. Too close to home. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... This answer would take too long. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Fair didn't come close. I was furious with God. Almost scared myself, I was so angry. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see her one more time. She had great love. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I I grieved harder than I knew was possible. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: n/a --Regarding HOSPICE etc: n/a here, but I am a strong supporter of Hospice care. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: I needed the structure of church, funeral home, etc. to help me accept the sudden death of someone so young and vital, not to mention my seven other friends who were killed. --Religious Affiliation: Roman Catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I subscribe to a universal spirit, that is, life after death. --Regarding MONEY: n/a --Regarding the FUNERAL: We all wished the media would GO AWAY! --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Wishing I could see her body. I needed so badly to believe she wasn't broken into bits. Dumb, huh? An airplane falls from 800 feet in the sky and I want to believe my best friend looks okay. No, I never saw her body. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : I work in a hospital. I already know. Didn't apply in this case. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': She used to visit me, as did another dear friend who succumbed to AIDS not long after the plane disaster. Neither of them comes any more, so I guess they're at peace where they are. --RE: Near Death Experiences: n/a --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: As I said above, she and I were in a good place with each other. --If we were to visit one last conversation... Silly stuff, like -how are you?- What do you think of this little girl I've named after you? Will you please watch over her? --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: You mean like how my ex-husband hopes I die first because the will says then he gets custody? Oh no, you probably didn' --Any thoughts about your own death?: I have this lovely, irrational fear of being closed in a box. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure it'll be okay to meet my maker. But, there's that box thing... --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I wrote letters of good-bye. This little ritual then helped me immensely when I miscarried two babies. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? No, people think I'm a wacko. Private is better. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People I HAVE to talk; I have to CRY A LOT, and I have to be allowed to work through anger. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities People are so uncomfortable with another's sadness! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 23 09:22:45 1998 F33 in Cumberland, BC =Canada= Name: Joyce Austin Email: <joyce-austin-at-bc.sympatico.ca> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] Prof/Studies: Social worker - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, ..02 month1 ago. Cause of Death: another animal; Aged: 4. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The passage between the physical world and the spritual world. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I felt sadness then a sense of peace when it was explained to me in a sensitive manner. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My grandfather dies when i was 4 and I was taught that it was a natural part of the cycle of life and that he was in a place of peace now. There would be no more pain for him . Knowing that he was n't in pain any more gave me a sense of peace. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The inability of some people to try to remember the wonderful times we had with the person.Instead they focused on the lost they would have. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: A stronger sense of sprituality. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: The memories we have to share. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: The ability to focus on positive parts of the relationship I had with the person. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The initial lost of that person from my day to day life. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Try to focus on their strengths and do not take their ability to be who they are away from them. They are still a person with feelings and pride. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: now focus on the wonderful lessons of life that she taught me and she lives on in me today. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: The family faught over the smallest article she owned. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Laughing would be a way to relive the intense stress that builds up inside of you when you are delaing with such intense emotions. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Say good bye. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Focus on the wonderful memories. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: The dying person gave strength to all of us. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: The will. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I'm filling out this survey for thefirst time writing out my feelings about the death. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... To lose such a wonderful person. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: The medical community where I live is very supportive and truly helpful. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a support that took the stress off of family members for a period of time. --Religious Affiliation: I am spirtual but I do not attend chruch regualarly --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: The death is the passing on to the spritual place where we ae all one. --Regarding the FUNERAL: The support from the true friends and the fakeness from others. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Seeing people who didn't care about the person when they were alive and now they acted as if the person was their best friend. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : The slowing down of their physical strength and their mental abilities. --If we were to visit one last conversation... It taught mee to express my love for them , and to go through life with the belief o f living with no regrets. I will not do anything that I may regret doing or not doing any more. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: The material possesions hould be clearly defined and to take care of my childrens intrests. --Any thoughts about your own death?: My own death would cause pain for my children and husband but i would know that I have done everything that I could to live a good life and hopefully passed on good qualities to my children. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I have learnt to share my love with those around me and AI do not let them go through one day without knowing how much i care about them. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I wrote out my feelings for the first time and this was a positive exercise for me. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 23 07:07:52 1998 F18 in Manchester, =UK= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] browsing - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Technical - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Colleague, 3 months ago ago. Cause of Death: massive heart attack; Aged: he was 42. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I hardly believed it...i suppose i went into shock and felt sad at there loss to experience small things like happiness, weather, fun and my loss of that person. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...A relative who i didnt know too well died of old age but i had to be helpfull to the rest of the familly --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The shock and quite thought about that person. --What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is: That the main reason that people mourn is that they feel a loss. Plus they feel sad that the person is never going to experience certain things --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Nothing. Death brings no gifts to me. However, it may be a relief to the person who dies, as they may not have a fulfilling life if they are suffering. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Listening to sad music or music that reminded me of that person or just silence so that i could take some time to think about my feelings to that person and start coping with my loss. Also saying my goodbye's --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Loss of them to myself. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: When i first was told. I had many different feelings going round in my head. Denial, Shock, sadness, worry. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I think it was the mixed up feelings in my head and the shock....like the disbelief as if i was laghing because it wasn't real. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Talk to them more....find out who they really were. Appologise for not being there when they needed me etc. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Flowers at the funeral --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think about loosing any close person in my life....i dread the time that they pass away.... Death makes me feel i should stop petty squabbles and accept people more as we don't live forever. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... That they will never feel or experience things again --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Go back in time. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Felt very sad, as i was never going to be able to talk to them about anything again. They were never going to see simple things again. They would never see my children or winter, summer or be happy --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: There was nothing that they could do. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Nothing.....but a place that we could meet and think about the person --Religious Affiliation: Athiest --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: People die no matter what religeon they are or what culture. people need to cope with it in the way that they feel comfortable. If religeon helps them then that is good. I feel the way in which people are kept alive is in your mind and we need to say our goodbyes and keep them close to our hearts. --Regarding MONEY: Some people, instead of mourning the death of a loved one, pushed there loss to the side and found there financial gain to be more important. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : different in each case --If we were to visit one last conversation... That they were happy and would be watching us and would always be with us. --Any thoughts about your own death?: It scares me a lot. i feel my mortality. i dont want to die and i feel that my life is very short. i want to live my life properly, i clock watch the days and try to live my life to the full --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? i have been nicer to people. not wanting to risk loosing every chance of expereiencing things with them. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People Just accepting it and crying for my loss What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death missing the person who died - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I could evaluate my feelings about death - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? The one about explaining to an alien what human death is like.....question 1??? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 22 07:38:12 1998 F43 in Montrose, Pa =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Program Counselor - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 1yr 7mo ago. Cause of Death: smoke inhalation; Aged: 23. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Death is the inability of the physical body to continue to function or interact at any level. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my Grandfather was shot by a hunter when I was 4 years old. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: feeling numb, wanting to deny what had happened, feeling like I was living ina nightmare, thinking this can't be real, my ex-husband not returning the hug I gave him, my sister repeatedly saying no, no, no when I called her and told her what had happened --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: The death of someone close to you never goes away completely. At times you will have days in which it is just as painful as when it first happened and other days it will just be a shadow over your soul. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Losing my oldest daughter has brought my other daughter and I closer. We are now the best of friends. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My sister. She has been there for me and really listens to me. She called me every month on the 20th just because she knew it would be a difficult day for me. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The birth of my grandson 1 month and 1 day after my daughter died because she was more excited about becoming an Aunt than my other daughter was about becoming a Mother. It was also difficult to not be able to share my feeling of loss with my ex-husband. I felt we could have been a big help to one another but he refused to share his grief with me and he continues to refuse to even talk to me. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Spend more time with my daughter and tell her more often how much I love her and how proud I am of her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Smile again. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I don't think I will ever be "over it all". I think I am just learning how to live with it better. I am sure I will for the rest of my life have times when I will cry about losing my daughter who was also one of my best friends. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... she was to young to die. She didn't have to die...she could have saved herself...she didn't have to go to the guys to try to help them get out. It's not fair that I can't see all of the reports pertaining to her death. It's not fair that they are trying to put the blame on her and she isn't here to defend herself. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried and cried and cried. I kept thinking why did this have to happen to her...she was such a good person...this is not fair she is to young to die. I would give my life in order for her to be alive. I felt like someone had punched me and I would never be able to get up again. I thought I would go crazy that I would never be able to smile again or have anything close to a "normal" life. I thought about all of the things we still wanted to do with one another. I also felt a lot of anger toward the agency she worked for since she died at work. --Regarding MONEY: My ex-husband has show a lot of anger toward me because he thinks I have not handled my daughter's life insurance in the right way. He really doesn't know what I have done with it, he is just thinking that he knows. My daughter had told me what she wanted done with it and I have refused to discuss it with my ex because I know him well enough to know that he would never believe what my daughter told me to do with the life insurance. --Regarding the FUNERAL: The large number of peoples lives my daughter had touched for how young she was. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I feel very fortunate that I don't feel that I have any unresolved issues with my daughter. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would just want to tell her one more time how much I love her. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't fear death but I do fear the process of dying. I have tried to prepare for my death making sure my will is up to date and leaving instructions for what I want done with my personal posessions. For the people whom I have left things to I have added little notes of where I got these items and why I want them to have them. I am trying to be prepared so it will be easier for those I leave behind. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Every year on my daughter K's birthday my other daughter T and I go out for lunch to K's favorite restaurant. We order K's favorite meal and share her favorite dessert. After lunch we buy a balloon a release it to send to K for her birthday. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Every time I see or talk to my daughter I tell her I love her and I hug her. This is something that we very rarely used to do but now we know how important we are to each other. We also enjoy talking about K... telling remember when stories. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Some of the questions brought back a lot of the initial pain that I experiences but the pain was not as severe. I found that I was unable to answer some of the questions because they are still too painful. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Maybe you could include questions on sudden unexpected deaths. { Ed Note: That series is up and coming... } ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 21 17:46:22 1998 F22 in Guelph, Ontario =Canada= Name: Kathy Thorne Email: <thornek-at-uoguelph.ca> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: student, Wilfrid Laurier University, BA-Political Science/History - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 months ago. Cause of Death: an aeortic embolysim; Aged: 47. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when someone you love/or even just are friends with, is no longer in this world. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too young to really understand, I just knew it was sad, and I wasn't going to see Uncle Joe ever again. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my favorite uncle died. I was maybe 5 or 6 --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the night I saw my mom in the hospital before she died, and driving home with my fiancee afterwards and talking about how I hope she doesn't stop fighting and give up. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it is a natural part of life, and eventually it will happen to everyone --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that i was able to have what time i did have with my mom. When my parents divorced, my brothers and I lived with my dad, and we saw mom very infrequently. When I moved out of my dad's house (at 18), I had the opportunity to get to know mom as a person, not just from what we'd heard/see from dad. As for the actual death, I'm glad I was reaquainted with my mom's sister. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my fiancee Jim, my kitty cats, my teddy bear --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the terrible sadness and emptyness that I still feel. I wonder if it'll ever go away. I haven't put up her picture yet, because I don't know if I'm ready to. That'll be a constant reminder that she's gone. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: ? --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: talk to her about having kids/get advice, let her babysit her grandkids, --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: to talk to her one last time. She couldn't respond, but she could understand (she nodded her head etc.) I was the last one to see her alive, her sister didn't make it out from BC on time. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: anytime! There are times when i just feel like crying, for no apparent reason. or when little things happen, for example, last night the toilet overflowed, I couldn't really get it unplugged quickly enough to avoid it overflowing etc. I was really upset over something so silly. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would call her more often, try to spend more time with her --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... she was too young to die. She had her whole life ahead of her. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could scream, cry, yell, run away from everything for awhile --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I I don't know if I've reached that point. I didn't talk to/see mom all the time, so not speaking to her for a couple of months is normal. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: disgust. When the doctors operated to try to remove the embolysim (blockage of the artery), they also discovered that she had really bad lung cancer, and if she survived the 12-24 hrs after the operation, she would on;y have 3-6 months to live. In a way it's a good thing that she died when she did, because she wouldn't have sat around waiting to die. But anyways, back to lung cancer. Ironically, she had had an appt at the oncologist for the day after she died, an apt that she waited 4 weeks for!! Outrageous. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: N/A --Religious Affiliation: past-member of the United Church --Regarding MONEY: It just so happened that we had a rental car (we don't have a car) that weekend, so we had a way to get to Toronto to see her. we ended up keeping the car for the week, her "partner" Janet, help us out $ --Regarding the FUNERAL: that people from my dad's side of the family were there (his brother, wife, son; his close friend; his sister, her ex-husband, her son) --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: good, I'm glad I was able to be with her one last time. it breaks my heart that she'll never meet her grandkids, see me graduate (I just went back to University this semester) - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 20 21:12:08 1998 F24 in Arkadelphia, Arkansas =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 8 months ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 22. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: being absent from the shell of the human body --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I felt like dying myself --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...Husband was killed in a car accident --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: disbelief --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: how to deal with it and to have more compassion and love for those left behind --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my husband never suffered. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my grandmother. Her husband died a month before mine. Her strength helped me to go om. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: my in-laws beginning so hateful towards me --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye and tell him how much I love him --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: a song of ours plays or I see my step-son who looks so much like him. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... why didn't God take me with him. I need him. I can't go on without him. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could crawl into a dark place and go to sleep forever --Religious Affiliation: protestant --Regarding MONEY: My in-laws didn't think the insurance money should go to me since we had only been married 5 months. --Regarding the FUNERAL: how many people cared about my husband and he never knew it. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'd be happy because I would know I would be with him again. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 20 16:09:42 1998 F24 in Los Angeles, CA =USA= Name: Aimee More personal info: Voice mail (213) 993-3322 I welcome all communication. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Project Coordinator - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 yrs ago. Cause of Death: A lady running her over with her car.; Aged: 72. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: leaving the world that we live in, our friends every thing we know, to go to another place that has been promised in a book that most the world believes in. Everyone has a different religion here, but it all seems to link to one thing, "A Superior being", which I have never seen, or met but somewhere within me, I know he exists. In what form I do not know. It is very hard to believe in something that you have never seen, or talked with, something no one has seen. This world is so self-absorbed, that another place, a perfect place that is supposed to exist-gives us hope. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I screamed a scream I never knew I held within me. I called the hospital that I knew the body was at and begged to be allowed to see her. I needed desperatly to see her. I hadn't spoken to for 8 months, and the last thing she said to me was "Remember to keep in touch, and let me know that you are ok.". The reason I hadn't spoken to her was because I stopped talking to my mom, dad, sister, brothers over family problems. My grandma was my mom's mother, and she was more of a mother to me then my own mother was. I loved her more then anyone-she understood me and stood by me. I don't know why I never called her or stopped by, we were not on bad terms at all-(I lived with her for two weeks when I stopped talking with my family, she let me stay with her even though my mom wanted me on the street.) I was only 20 minutes away yet I never called her and never stopped by, even 3 days before her death on 3-11-97 I took my little boy to the zoo 10 minutes from her I thought about stopping there, but did'nt. I never got to say goodbye, or know how she was doing those 8 months. I guess I wanted to just show up on her doorstep one day, and show her how good I was doing. The death brouht me and my family to talk again, I'm sure otherwise we would never had talked again. I just wish I could see her again, talk to her again, hear her voice, see her smile, and have her care. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I was sitting at home getting ready for a job interview, and I received a call from my 20 year old sister, whom I had not spoken to for over 9 months, she told me that my grandma was dead, and had been ran over by a car while crossing the street. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Sadness, and disbelief. Anger at the lady who killed her, the lady was 72, she was driving her big car without her prescription eye glasses on (she was blind in one eye), she said she felt she could see better without them. She stated in the police report that she did'nt see my grandma. But my grandma can't be missed she was not so small, slow or frail, she was very healthy. She was coming home from buying her friend a birthday card at the pharmacy. She was crossing a side street (houses on it), and then was going to cross the main street. She was crossing the little side street and the lady in the big car went to turn going 30 mph, she ran my grandma over and continued to drive down the street , she dragged my grandma, and then ran her over. She stopped her car and went to take her license plate that was ironically in my grandmas hands, she then attempted to flee the scene not showing an remorse, the residents had to keep her there, until the police arrived, my grandma was D.O.A (even though they still brought her to the hospital). The police on the scene all knew my grandmother, or her children, my 2 uncles, my aunt and my mom. They say she did not suffer. But how do they know they aren't my grandma. Its strange my grandmother used to tell me on my visits to her in the past about this person or that that got hit by a car down her street, she said she never would want to go like that. But in away I feel my grandmother had a choice to either live and eventually have her children have to care for her (which she would of been embarrised by), or go quickly. I guess she chose to go quickly. She died the same day my grandfather died a few years previously. They were divorced since their kids were little, but she still loved him, and helped him, he was the only man ever in her life. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: we need to be taught more on how to deal with it and what to expect. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: When my grandmother died, it has brought me and my family to talk again. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Knowing my grandmother is with my grandpa. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The pain, and unhappiness it has caused. I feel frozen not the same anymore. I feel extremly unhappy, like I have nothing. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: N/A --The most confusing point of death for me was when: It happened-why???????? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: N/A --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: See and talk to my grandma before she died. I wish I could of said goodbye, also she had herself cremeted so I have no where to go to visit her which is hard. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: N/A --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: N/A --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: N/A --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see her street off ramp to go to her house, when I speak with the elderly, I wish I was talking to her. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would be happy and sure again. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Why would god take away such a wonderful person, in such a terrible way. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Die. Disappear. I want so bad to scream at the lady who hit her, for her stupidity. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: The police and ambulance were great, but the hospital said if we wanted to see her body, and say goodbye, we would have to pay $400 dollars per person. Its proberly better anyways we did not see her, so we could always picture her in life. Not dead, because they said she had severe head trauma. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: N/A --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: I had none. --Religious Affiliation: Christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I know that the body and spirit become seperated. I know we go some where. My little boy who is 4 told me he saw my grandma that she is a rainbow bird, and a silver star in the sky. --Regarding MONEY: The money was given to my grandmas children, she did not have a will. The house was sold, and the lady who hit her was sued and had to sell her car, all and all- no money can take from the pain. I personelly did not receive any but those who did it seems to be helpful for them. I have a burgandy courderoy jacket my grandma gave me when she wa still alive. It was hers when she was a young-adult like me. I cherish it more then anything, sometimes I smeel it to see if I can smell her. All I have is memorys. She was never an angry woman, always kind, always making sure i was taken care of. I rememeber once she was helping me braid my hair, and she told me how beautiful I had become, this was something no one in my family ever told me-and it really helped me to here a loving compliment from a family member. --Regarding the FUNERAL: My dad actually cried, something I have never seen him do. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Having dreams with my grandma in the dreams she would say hi to me and I would wake up to it. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : N/A --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': N/A --RE: Near Death Experiences: N/A --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I think I actually need to see a psychologist or someont to talk with, because I can't cope, and I always picture her getting hit and ran over graphically, not aday goes by with out me wishing she was here still. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would want to know she did not feel pain, and that she is somewhere great, and that everything will be ok. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Where I want to be buried. --Any thoughts about your own death?: It scares me. I don't want to suffer, but I don't want to die young, I know that there is somewhere else after this world, I feel it in me, and there is a strong "Knowing" of it. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: N/A --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? N/A - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- That it is real. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Depressing. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 20 08:56:33 1998 F40 in las vegas, nv == - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: counselor - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 yrs ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 40the cessation. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the cessation of brain and body functions in which reanimation is impossible. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 18years old and very traumatized as a result. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I was married at age 18. approximately one year later, my husband shot himself in the head in front of me. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: not only losing my beloved brother but also losing my mother as I had always known her. She is still alive, but half her heart is dead. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I don't know. I still hurt and my family lives with that pain always. It has been particularly difficult explaining to my daughter why he killed himself. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Myself. I had to be strong for mother and daughter. I'm still waiting for it to come back and bite me in the butt. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The pain of knowing that I will never be able to spend time with him again. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities A strong support system is essential as well as allowing yourself to grieve without obsessing. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt I felt incredibly responsible and his family fascilitated those feelings by assuring me that I killed their son. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 20 00:48:58 1998 F19 in , AZ == - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago. Cause of Death: ; Aged: . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: (human death) is when the mjor bodily organs, such as the heart and brain, no longer have the ability to function. Although hours after human death, many components of the human may still be living(some cells for example), the human as a whole has died. This is because it can no longer think or perform normal bodily functions (breathing). This is not to say that those that cannot breath, for example, are dead. I think that death more technically is when the brain is no longer functioning to perform nonvoluntary as well as voluntary actions. Of course, I am not sure if it makes sense to say that the brain performs nonvoluntary actions. For humans, the technical definition seems to be less important than the loss of function of communication. Although a human might not be dead if they cannot communicate, their participation in society is no longer possible. People often relate others' life in relation to their own. If they see someone who has no possible means of communication, they often do not feel it is alive because they have a limited connection to it. Death seems to be that loss of connection between self and the desceased. This does not mean that if one still felt quite connected to the deceased then they would not be dead. The lines are simply not well defined. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I have never experineced it. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: never experienced. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: no comment. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: no experience to judge from. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not How'd I do? How well ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 19 19:02:56 1998 M54 in San Francisco, CA =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] I like surveys and questionnaires. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 16 yrs ago. Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: don't know. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Scary. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didn't dwell on it. Now I do a lot more. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... grandma dying of cancer. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: People sneaking around. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: A belief in reincarnation. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Just tell them you love them. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: This strong urge to laugh happened to me - I think because everything was so unnatural and strange about the funeral for my mother; it did not seem at all natural or normal the way the funeral was held. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think about something that just happened - a neighbor acquaintance in my apt. building was found several days after he died. I feel so sad for him dying alone and for his relative that had to come in and bag up his stuff. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could believe even more in reincarnation than I do now. --Religious Affiliation: Buddhist mainly. I do believe in reincarnation. I also am attracted to macumba/candomblé. --Regarding the FUNERAL: A feeling of unreality and strangeness in the case of my mother's demise. Not natural. I couldn't feel anything then; I simply wanted it to be over. --Any thoughts about your own death?: Yes, scared silly! Afraid of pain! - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I feel much stronger about my neighbor in my apt. building being found dead after several days and his dying alone, than I ever felt about any of my relatives! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 19 14:28:41 1998 F17 in Mt. Angel, Oregon =USA= Name: Patricia Decock Email: <macpatty-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: High school student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 0 yrs ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 17. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A rebirth into another life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 17 and she was my best friend. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... My best friend died in a car accident when I was 17. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the day it happened. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: what happens after death. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I became closer to my other friends. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My faith in God. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Never seeing her again. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Talking with them. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Prayed. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: She died. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: It helped me deal with it. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Tell her I loved her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Be friends with her. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I signed her casket. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: The funeral. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see or hear something that she liked or enjoyed. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would still have her to do stuff with and talk about stuff. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... She was so young. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Forget it all. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Cried. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Gratefulness. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Knowing she was still with us and with God and perfectly happy. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Great. --Regarding MONEY: It wasn't a problem. --Regarding the FUNERAL: The songs. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Knowing she was dead. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : A coma. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I haven't had any. --RE: Near Death Experiences: None. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: All of my issues are pretty much resolved. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell her how much she meant to me and how she is a great person. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Carry out a person's wishes. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would be excited about going to heaven and seeing God and my friend. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I talk to her at night and go over my day. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Not really. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I thought it was pretty good. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? What religion are you? Roman Catholic. (Ed Note: Good Point. Done. 3.19.98) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 19 11:09:40 1998 F26 in South Bend, IN =USA= Name: Cherri Sheler - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] it is required in my psychology class to participate in 4 website experiments or take part in a psychological experiment. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: office secretary/full-time student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 62. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: I have a 4 year old I will explain it as though I was explaing it to her. Life is a very precious gift from God. God is the creator of all creatures of the earth. When God decides that he wants you to come visit him, we go on to another life. We go where we cannot be seen my mommy,daddy, or our friends. But you can see us. When your with God, you feel no pain, you will always be young, and always be happy. Although mommy and daddy want you here, God will decide when you fall asleep for a very long time. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 5 years old. I did not go to the funeral or burial but my family was at my grandfather's house. All of us kids were outside playing tag, and I had fallen down a hill and broke my collar bone. When I went inside to get my parents, I specifically remember my grandmother (who had past away 3 days before) sitting in her rocking chair laughing at me. I did not find out for some years later that she had been dead for 3 days. That was my very first experience with death. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My grandmother and I were very close when I was a little girl. She had died 2 days before my 8th birthday. Her burial was on my birthday, and I was not aloud to attend, because my parents felt it would be to hard for me to handle. I am 26 now (14 yrs later), and I didn't see the grave site until I was 20 yrs old. I wish that my parents would have just let me see her burial then, because I never put the matter to rest untill I saw it. When I did finally see it, I really had a difficult time dealing with her death, but yet was able to put it to rest. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: when my grandfather died, I had woke up and family and friends were all over at my house and no one knew that I did not know he had died. Then they told me, and for some reasons I cried for about 2 1/2 hours, I just couldn't stop. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: support from my family and friends. I also like to have little momentos, to remember them by --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Just the feeling of knowing they will never be back again. I will never be able to hold or laugh or interact with that person again. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: NA --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye! I wish that I could have said goodbye one last time. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I feel that we all have a spirit. Where your spirit goes is not yet clear to me. I believe in God, but I do not understand why he would take the innocent. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': stated above about my grandmother - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold This particular incident was because I was not allowed to see her burial site until I was an adult and was able to see it at my descretion. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - by telling you some of my personal experience, it gives me the opportunity to remember my past loved ones. I still would not want to die, for the sake of my children, and I hope that if the day for me comes later than sooner, I will have taught my children that it is okay to grief in their own way, and that life does go on. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 19 09:22:44 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3yrs ago. Cause of Death: heart; Aged: 69. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --That first time, how it happened was How it happened my grandfather died. I gave the eulogy because no one else would. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 19 00:42:15 1998 F40 in Crown Point, IN =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Animal Rescue - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: On death & dying - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 13 yrs ago. Cause of Death: heart disease; Aged: 57. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a leaving of the physical body & moving on to a higher plateau where we can better help our loved ones --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I withdrew for a short period & then tried to move ahead as though nothing had happened. This was difficult because it was my grandfather & we were very close --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my great grandfather passed away & I was taken up to the casket to say goodbye. Although I was not forced to touch or even look at him it was still very frightening --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: even though it was the most difficult thing I have ever done - to hold my father's hand & "give him permission" to die - I would never give up those last 5 minutes of his life for any reason. He knew his family was with him and he knew how very much he was loved. I would never have wanted him to die alone. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Death is not an ending - only a change in course. I believe in reincarnation & the idea that we have too many lessons to learn to do it all in one lifetime. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: As my father was dying he looked as though he recognized someone - someone other than those present in the hospital room. There seemed to be a peaceful sense surrounding him and I do not believe he was afraid. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: A combination of a wonderful friend & the sense that my father had not left this earthly plane & would not leave until I was ready to move on. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The terrible sense of loss - the knowing that I would never share any conversation, laughter or tears with my father - at least on in this lifetime --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: hopefully, when we are born we are surrounded by love and I think it should be the same when we leave this earth. I think it makes going much easier for that person that is leaving us. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: found the strength I needed to put Dad's needs in front of my own. All my life he had been helping me & putting me first - this was the last thing I could do for him and I was able to rise to the challenge - but only because Dad had taught us all to be strong in adversity. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I was trying to "bargain" with God. If you let Dad live I will do this or I won't do that. I think this is something that many people do and are confused about. Why is God taking this person that I love & cherish? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was a brief respite from the pain. I had just moved & was not completely unpacked. Mom stayed with me and we tried to keep busy by putting my house in order. One of the things that needed doing was cleaning out the aquarium which had been stirred up during the move. We tried to carry it down to the basement to clean it & sloshed dirty fish water all over both of us. We ended up sitting on the stairs laughing like a couple of idiots! --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: nothing - I truly have no regrets about my father --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: spend about 10 days in Florida with Dad just a couple of weeks before he died. We went fishing together & had some wonderful long talks about everything & nothing at all. It was kind of a fluke but both of his grandchildren were there with us & that the last time he saw them. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: usually it hits during the holidays - father's day, his birthday & Christmas. Family holidays are almost non-existant without Dad. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I think my whole life would be much different today if Dad were still here. I have broken relationships with both my sisters & my mother. Dad was always the peacemaker in the family & simply would not tolerate family rifts. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Dad is the youngest of 4 brothers - why did he have to die first? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could talk to Dad. No matter how bad thing got Dad could always seem to make it better. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried - more tears than I knew I had. The whole process actually took about 6 months. I had cried off & on but when the day came that I finally accepted that my father was gone I think I cried until I made myself physically ill. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: admiration & gratitude for the nurses & distain for the doctor. The nurses were supportive & nurturing even though we knew there was no hope. The doctor was rather cold & unfeeling. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: actually very little. I do believe in God but I don't think that organized religion is everything to all people. I think one's personal relationship with God is what really matters in the end. --Regarding MONEY: there were no issues with money --Regarding the FUNERAL: it is for the living - not the dead. I think the funeral actually starts the grieving process. It is a catharsis. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Somewhere in the back of my mind I kept thinking that I would "wake up" & this would all go away. There were times when I actually expected Dad to sit up & say Hey! This is really all for me? --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : I really can't say - I only know that I kept a very close watch on the monitors. I didn't want the nurses to turn anything off if there were a chance that Dad were still alive. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I saw recognition on my father's face and he tried to reach out his hand to someone. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I have no unresolved issues --Any thoughts about your own death?: I generally don't think a lot about death. If I knew I were going to die very soon I think I would try to spend as much time as I could with my daughter & tell her everything I could about her childhood & impart some kind of maternal wisdom for her to take with her through the rest of her life. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I still "talk" to my father. It may sound crazy but when there seems to be no answer to a problem I simply ask for his help. Whether it is really Dad helping or just maybe clearing my mind to allow the normal though process to take place - who knows. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Mar 18 20:29:55 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] just bumped into site - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, ??? ago. Cause of Death: forgot.; Aged: real old. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The extreme final, the point of no return, the unknown destiny. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was a young girl and was not in tune with everything. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...a relative --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: my mother's pain when her mother had not given her anything and did not treat her as her real daughter. (she wasn't, the woman who brought my mother up was her aunt). --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: hmmm...don't know --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the end of suffering for those in pain & misery. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: time. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: watching my mother's pain, no support from family. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: N/A --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: Hear that memorable song, get that "deja vu". --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... we don't know what death really is. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could go back to when they were around. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I accepted it as it is. --Regarding the FUNERAL: praying by the casket,rosary in hands, crossed hands, viewing the body, tokens of past life in pockets of deceased. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : giving stuff away, distant mannerisms, weak, extremely tired --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am really scared of death at this point and time. I hope so much that it won't be nothing. I would like to help others, like a guardian angel. I also would like to have contact with lots of other souls. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time was very little, wasn't all in tune w/ what had happened What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It is nice to vocalize these worrysome feelings. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Mar 18 11:42:19 1998 F31 in SARATOGA, CA =SANTA CLARA= Name: KATHLEEN SOTO Email: <KSOTO-at-AOL.COM> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I am doing research for my research methods class and i need to find a measurement of grief - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: SOCIOLOGY>SOCIAL WORK> MEDICAL SOCIAL WORK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I NEED ASSISTANCE ABOUT WHERE TO GO FOR GRADUATE WORK IN SW WITH EMPHASIS ON MEDICAL SOCIAL WORK. ANY INFO HELPFUL... ALSO I NEED A COPY OF MEASUREMENTS OF GRIEF BUT DON'T HAVE THE $$$$ TO AFFORD IT ARE THER ANY OTHER AVENUES? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: CANCER; Aged: 51. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: IS THE END OF ONE LIFE AND CONTINUATION OF THE AFTER-LIFE. OUR SOULS CONTINUE ON WHILE OUR BODIE SHELLS RETURN TO THE EARTH --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I COULD FEEL THE PRESENCE OF THE LOVED ONE AT THE FUNERAL. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... I was the child my aunts clung to for support they were the wailers.. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: GOD GUIDED ME TO HELP EVERYONE AND MYSELF THROUGH IT. HOW I MAINTAINED THE ENERGY TO HELP THE DEATH PROCESS WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME. --What I think my (SANTA CLARA) culture needs to better learn about death is: IT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE AFRAID OF IT IS JUST A PROCESS OF GOING HOME. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I KNEW WHAT MY CALLING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE NOW. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: THIS WAS REALLY GODS WORK THROUGH ME. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: NO ONE ELSE WANTED TO PROCESS IN A HEALTHY WAY. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: THESE ARE THE MOST PRECIOUS MOMENTS YOU MAY HAVE. THERE ARE BAD DEATH PROCESSES AND GOOD DEATHS IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION. --[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: WAS TOUCHED BY THE EXPERIENC AND WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING. SHE IS PART OF MY HEART AND NOW MY GAURDIAN. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: SHE FIRST STARTED REMEMBERING OUR CHILDHOOD LIKE IT WAS HAPPENING TODAY. EVENTUALLY EVERYDAY AT 3PM THIS HAPPENED AND IT WAS WONDERFUL --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: IT WAS COMPLETELY HEALTHY TO LAUGH EVEN AT THE MOMENT MY AUNT WAS DYING SHE LAUGHED WITH US --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: SPEND TIME OUT OF THE HOSPITAL WITH MY LOVED ONE AND TO KNOW THAT SHE HEARD MY WORD I LOVE YOU --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: BE PART OF THE LAST WONDERFUL MOMENTS OF HER LIFE --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I HAD NO SLEEP AND I WAS UP LATE AT NIGHT ALL BY MYSELF JUST HODING HER HAND --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I SENSE HER WITH ME AND I WANT HER TO BE ALIVE AGAIN --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I WOULDN'T MISS HER CAUSE I WOULD KNOW SHE WAS JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY OR A PLANE RIDE AWAY --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I NEED MORE TIME FOR HER TO HUGG ME AND WATCH ME GET MARRIED --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could REVERSE TIME --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I FELT PAIN AND SARROW AND THEN PEACE --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: FRUSTRATION. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: SUPPORT DURING THIS PROCESS --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: LIKE A CONNECTION TO THE AFTER LIFE --Regarding MONEY: THE WILL WAS FAUGHT BY THE SIBLINGS WHEN ALL THE MONEY WAS ALREADY ASSIGNED. --Regarding the FUNERAL: i WAS NOT THERE --The weirdest part of it all to me was: I KNEW GOD MEANT FOR ME TO BE HERE AND CHOSE THIS TYPE OF HELPING AS A PROFESSIN. IT WAS LIKE A TEST OF MY ABILITY AND STRENGH --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : RESOLVE, THE PAIN LEVEL AND THE BREATHING PACE AND MOST DEFINATELY THE LACK OF SHINE TO THE EYES --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': MY UNCLE AND COUSIN STOOD IN THE GARDEN WAITING FOR HER SHE EXPLAINED IT PERECTLY ABOUT THREE DAYS BEFORE SHE ACTUALLY PASSED --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: ONLY GOD AND MY AUNTS SPIRIT WOULD BE THE ONES TO HELP ME. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I WOULD JUST SAY THANK YOU FOR ALL MY LIFE AND ASK HER IF SHE IS HAPPY TELL HER HOW MUCH SHE IS MISSED AND ASK HER IF SHE IS WITH UNCLE JIM AND JIMMY ALSO IF THE GARDEB IS AS BEAUTIFULAS SHE SAID IN THE HOSPITAL --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: A LIVING WILL IS IMPORTANT AND THE HEALTH PROXY AND TO ALWAYS SAY I LOVE YOU TO YOUR FAMILY --Any thoughts about your own death?: i HAVE A CHRONIC ILLNESS MYSELF THAT I ALMOST DIED BECAUSE AND I AM FINE WITH DEATH BECAUSE IT IS A SENSE OF GOING HOME AND FOR ME GODS WILL IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: SHE TOLD ME SHE WOUDL FIND ME A DATE FOR VALENTINES DAY AND SHE WOUDL WATCH OVER ME IN A PEACH GOWN AND I WOUDL BE DRINKING CHAMPAGNE AND EATING LOBSTER.... SOOO EVERY VALENTINES DAY I GO AND HAVE LOBSTER AND CHAMPAGNE TO EASE MY HEART AND KEEP A CONNECTION WITH HER --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? bECAUSE OF THIS DEATH EXPERIENCE I AM NOW GOING FOR MY DEGREE IN MEDICAL SOCIAL WORK IN ORDER TO HELP FAMILIES THROUGH THE PROCESS OF DEATH ADN DYING AND ILLNESS - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System ONE DAY IT WAS JUST OKAY AND TIME FOR ME TO HELP OTHERS WITH DEALING WITH DEATH What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities FAMILIES FEAR OF DEATH AND ITS REALITY - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - WELL... IT WOULD OF BEEN BETTER FOR ME TO DO THIS IN A PRIVATE PLACE NOT AT WORK BUT IT REMINDED ME THAT I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN WHICH IS SOMETHING I WORRY ABOUT SOMETIMES.. IT IS A LONG QUESTIONAIRE ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Mar 18 11:35:11 1998 F26 in davis, california =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: policy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: alztimer's disease (sp?); Aged: 80 something. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: no longer being alive and experiencing this world as a person like me is experiencing it. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was confused and frightened and sad and lonely and wanted to cry --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...there was an old woman we picked up to take to church. One day I knocked on her door and she did not answer. THere was a sticker on the door that said police. I told my dad and he told me she must have passed away in the night. We went to her ceremony. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: being with family which was comforting and I was surprised that we laughed a lot and seemed happy to see each other again even though it was a sad occasion to loose a family member. I was glad that being with my family kept me from feeling guilty about the things I had not done-because we all had the same feelings and could talk about them. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: How to deal with a terminal illness and do the best we can to help both the patient and the family before the death of the patient. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that we are reminded when someone dies that life will continue and the dead person will be remembered in the hearts of the living. This is seen once the initial grief is over and we realize that our lives are continuing without them and that they will always be a part of us--and so they live on, in a sense. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Being with family. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the thought that I would never be able to talk to them again. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: the initial knowledge that the person was dead. (when I was first told). --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: that is a natural reaction to the intensity of the sadness and confusion. It is a defense of sorts that just kicks in to protect humans from being overwhelmed with the chemicals that flow through our bodies when we are so very sad. Laughing releases the good chemicals to balance us out. Or something like that. I don't know if that's really true, but that's what it seems like. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: this is a hard question to answer. it brings tears to my eyes just to read it. a relationship with a person can always be better. and it is always your own fault that it wasn't better. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: seeing the dead person in the coffin. touching them one last time. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see a movie that deals with death or illness or the guilt felt when a relationship is bad and then there is no time to fix it. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that a person looses his mind before his body or his body before his mind. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could be very religious and believe something that would make it all better--but I don't know what that something is. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt sick to my stomach and very sad and lonely --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: respect for the medical community. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a little, it provides a support, an extended family --Regarding MONEY: it is stupid to spend so much in preparing the body and burying it. I want to be cremated. --Regarding the FUNERAL: they we all very religious - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? How well What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt I always wonder, could I have done more to be with the person while alive - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it is kind of long but very provocative. it made me teary-eyed in places. I found myself avoiding thinking too hard about some of the questions so as not to start getting too emotional or start crying (because I am at work). I will think harder about it later. but it is a hard topic for me to think about (as it probably is for many people) and I am scared to think about it most of the time. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 16 22:14:07 1998 F44 in , Kansas == - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, yr 1 ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 82. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: I feel --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I Owned a business, he was a customer that came into the business everyday. I had cancer, for some reason something just told me to go to the hospital that day. I did when I got there the nurses told me they did not expect him to live through the night. They ask me to stay with him, there was not a family member with him.I was reluctant the thought of him dying while I was there just terrified me. I did agree to stay. Several hours went by his breathing became more labored, I just help his hand and talked to him. I know he knew I was there. When his breathing became so labored I told him it was alright to quit fighting , I was there with him and would stay, within a few minutes, Joe stopped breathing. That was the most peaceful experience I have ever had. The one thing that had always terrified me, now I saw death in a completely different way. Such a beautiful peaceful experience. This experience changed my life and feelings in so many ways. I was so grateful that I was there with him. His family appreciated the fact that I was with Joe when he passed away. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I feel like the most important is to be there for the patient, have a willingness to talk and allow the dying patient to express their feelings and accept those feelings. Don't tell the patient to look on the bright side when they feel down, don't tell them how to be, just be accepting of the stage they are in. Give support, have the willingness to talk openly if the patient is ready. Let the patient take the lead. When a person's relationship is close with their high power. This is a very peaceful experience at the end for the patient. The only sadness is our loss of that person we will miss greatly. --[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: what a positive peaceful growing experience --The most confusing point of death for me was when: fearing the unknown --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be a friend to Joe and to experience this with him. I could be there for him. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System I read the book on Death and Dying by Kubler Ross What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 16 19:51:27 1998 F24 in tamaqua, pa =usa= Name: anne Email: <wander-at-ptd.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: sexual education/counselor - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Soulmates Recommended Reading-- Writers: Thomas - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 12 yrs ago. Cause of Death: sclerosis of liver; Aged: 72. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: process of life which affects our physical and emotional health; physical death is when our brain ceases to function; emotional death is when our ties are severed with another whom we previously felt an affinity with... --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was interested in what now??? is there more??? --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...a first grade friend's mom died. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: feeling guilty for not making her death more comfortable by being there for her, anything... --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is a natural LIFE process --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: a closer family --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: an inner peace with myself --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the guilt --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: hold there hand; hold them if you must; let your love shine in warmth for them --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: was affected by it 8 years later when confronted with suicidal feelings and because of it realized the beauty of life. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: when it sunk in that she was never coming back to me as i knew her before in this life; yes i will see her goodness in others, in myself, in the beauty of living creatures; but i will never fully experience her again. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: sometimes laughing is easier than crying; it's a natural reaction to stress. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: hold her hand through it all --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: spend the time i had with her --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: the "coldness" of the hospital doctors --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the price of the funeral/ wake etc... --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i pray --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... i would have probably been able to learn many new wonderful lessons from her --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that someone who could do such good could be taken from us prematurely --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could have her back --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I see above... --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: disgust--not with procedures, but of respect for human dignity, kindness, and comfort. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: n/a --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: the funeral preparation --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: hopeful, comfortable, nice, secure, peaceful --Regarding MONEY: it didn't matter --Regarding the FUNERAL: why didnt' these people celebrate her life, dammit? --The weirdest part of it all to me was: feeling the coldness of the body... --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : the ekg --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': they do happen; at all stages of your life; and this is a reminder to know they are watching their sheep --RE: Near Death Experiences: yes; it was around my suicidal time of life in college; i felt i separated from my body; like i could see a transparent me coming out of my body and rising above me; i couldn't move; there was a man levitating above my bed sitting in an indian style position; he had my heart; he could have taken my life from me; but i argued with him about all of the good things i needed to do yet; he spared my life and gave rebirth to my soul. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: we are cool --If we were to visit one last conversation... just that i love her and have her reassure me she is alright and happy --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: i would want my funeral to focus of the living soul. --Any thoughts about your own death?: i would like to be known for causing others happiness --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i have private prayer sessions with her each night; or name a star after her --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? same as above - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People first grade teacher addressed issues of death and dying--education works What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt circumstances of a family death in late childhood - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - great ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 16 14:51:42 1998 F49 in TOronto, Ontario =Canada= Name: Miriam Kearney Email: <mkearney-at-interlog.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Counsellor - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: One Year to Live Recommended Reading-- Writers: Steven Levine - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 year ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 47. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the cessation of bodily functions allowing the spirit to go free from the physical body --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I couldn't stop crying --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my father died from what seemed like a heart attack although he had told me two days previous that he would take his own life that week. When he died no one said anything about suicide and I didn't either. Somehow I repressed what he had said to me and this did not surface again until my own daughter was turning the age that I was when he died. Then I talked to my sisters and found that while he didn't say so particularlyt to them, he had made a point of saying goodbye to them in the last few days. We've never talked to my mother about it. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that it changed my life; I began to question more closely the importance of my choices. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I had the opportunity to say goodby to my friend. I wish I had that opportunity again with my Dad. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my husband --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the deep clutching feeling in my heart --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: be absolutely honest about your feelings. Don't try to protect them from the truth. Say thank you for the gift of their relationshp to you. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: said goodybe --The most confusing point of death for me was when: it seemed as if he had given up before he needed to and I didn't know if this was acceptance or not. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: spend more time with him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: say goodbye while he was still able to hear me. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I remember Wolf the way he was before the cancer. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I spent a lot of time just being still and remembering him. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: dispair. They kept doing things to his body that supposedly would help but only made him sicker. He would be have been better off ithey had tried so hard. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: my friend died at home with a lot of support from family and friends and limited support from the visiting nurses. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: not much but belief and spirit a lot. My friend's wife had a dream the night he passed on and he was there, whole and ready to move on. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: dead-on (pun intended). --Regarding MONEY: my friend was very concerned that he leave everything in good order for his wife which he did. --Regarding the FUNERAL: that the simple funeral and cremation was exactly right but there was little preparation at the gravesite which made it awkward and somehow it seemd liked we didn't belong there. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: seeing how wasted his body got, so quickly over the last few weeks. I kept thinking that it wasn't possible for him to lose any more weight and he did. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : sudden drop in weight, inability to control bowel and bladder functions, mostly sleeping but not in distress --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I was gratful for the preparation time we had and I did my closure and completion with him a few days before he died. Those last few days he was pretty unconscious most of the time. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I think we should respect the wishes of the dying person as much as possible but I also think the person closest to them must do what feels like closure for them. As to allowing the ill person to choose his/her time and method of death, I support this when pain is too intense or bodily functions are too far gone. I promised my friend that if he decided near the end that he wanted to stop early, I would do whatever it took to help him. He stayed the course and left peacefully. I am not the only one would have helped him. He wanted to die at home and that is what we arranged. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I want to go quickly and consciously and if I go slowly let it also be with consciousness. I don't want to play any games or be in denial, wasting precious time. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I spend 15-20 minutes every day in contemplation of what's really important! - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget When there can be preparations, be real. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt Believing that my father's unhappiness was my fault made it impossible to let him go - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It brought back memories. The most recent death was that of a close friend. I am grateful for having the experience with my friend as I believe it will help prepare me for the death of my mother and my husband who is considerably older than me. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? It seemed that there was a bias in your questions that the dying person was a family member. It is subtle but I had some difficulty with some of the questions because of this. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 16 09:27:50 1998 F19 in Marblehead, MA =USA= Email: <mmelki-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I need info for a psychology paper - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: College Freshman - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a sad event...when someone dies it's like they go to a far off planet where there is no return. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I When I was 15 my grandmother died of a heart attack while taking a shower. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I was living with my grandparents in another country when they both aquired cancer and slowly began the process of death. It was like I watched them wither away before my own eyes. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How hard it was to cry when people where around all the time. No time to absorb the death. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: How to accept it. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: The relationship that I had with my grandmother up to the day she was on her death bed. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Always remembering the good times we shared...cherishing that! --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Telling my mother that I knew they were sick the entire time. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Do whatever the want for them...not for what is right or not. Make them happy 'til the end. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: was there. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Both grandparents died within a few days of eachother. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I needed to remember the good times that we shared to let them know that just because we are sad that they are gone...we haven't forgetten the happiness that we shared. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: have lived with them longer. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there 'til their dying days. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: They were dressed and restored to theirselves in the coffin. That way you never forget how they were. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: That one not know the other had died. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: Something special in the family occurs and they are not there to share in the joy. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... i don't know? They would share in our joy, and be a part of our lives. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... They were too young and happy to die. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could bring them back. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I began to cry. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: disgust. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: nothing...it didn't bother me that they had cancer. It bothered me that they were suffering. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a lot. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like I can handle anything. --Regarding MONEY: I didn't have to worry about it so I don't know. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the kind words of the partriarc. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : nothing you never know when it's gonna happen....but signs of weakness may be an indicator. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold The time I spent with them was worth the world to me and that helps me deal with their parting. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope The lack of sympathy of their families. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 16 07:57:03 1998 F31 in montclair, nj =usa= Email: <robo-at-frontier.wilpaterson.edu> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 6yrs ago. Cause of Death: aids; Aged: 38. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of life , into the ground , dust to dust --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I felt relieved that the suffering from an illness was over --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was..brother died from aids. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: my mothers pain for losing a child --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: that dead is dead --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: memories of times shared --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: family and close friends providing support and understanding --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the loss of the relationship --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to be agreeable with their wishes even if it is not something you want for that person or for yourself have respect for dying persons feelings --[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: was able to let him go --The most confusing point of death for me was when: terminal illmess was diagnosed --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: i siezed all my oppurtunities --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: have the support of others --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: when my brother chose suicide we viewed it as his natural death process --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear the grateful dead --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried for my loss --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: respect --Regarding HOSPICE etc: excellent expeience --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: dead is dead --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: dead is dead --Regarding MONEY: not an issue --Regarding the FUNERAL: it was smooth and traditional --The weirdest part of it all to me was: that peolpe comment on how a dead person looks --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': none --RE: Near Death Experiences: none --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: everything was resolved --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: DNR and burial decisions --Any thoughts about your own death?: if I was to die now I would want my body treated with respect --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I respect my body more - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time positive memories What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos fear people have of aids ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Mar 16 07:43:25 1998 F23 in , new jersey =USA= Name: Michelle - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] Prof/Studies: psych and elem ed major - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 71. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: physically..the ceasing of the persons body to function to stay alive. emotionally...the loss of a person's physical presense in your life --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried and cried and cried --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...grandparent died...i was prepared by my parents that my grandfater was not going to live much longer. My fater had the Preist come and talk to me about the situtaion and some of my feelings that i might have after he passed away...it made all of the emotions more acceptable to deal with --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how i had to remain the strong one to be able to provied my family with the support to lean on me...i would be strong for them, but eventually feeling like i had only myself to turn to when it was time for me to let things out and deal --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it isn;t something to fear --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: took away the pain..for both myself and the person that was dying --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: family and friends of course...but the most helpful was myt ime alone to sort through and figure out how to deal with how thngs were and how things will be different without that person --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: when something happens and you think..wow so and so would have enjoyed this or laughed at that..the knowhing someone so well and then them all the sudden not being there to share the experiences --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: support them... try to make them smile and enjoy the time that they have left...let them know that they will be missed and things will be hard without them but we will all move forward --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: am a good person..someone to count on...to be supportive...and i seem to be able to aleviate the stress of a sitution be it through joke ect... --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: the situation called for a relief of stress and the best way that i relieve stress and maybe even get others to relieve is to laugh --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: give more hugs...say more kind words...have said yes to that one thing that the other wanted to instead of being selfish --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be strong enough emotinally to handle the family aspect when dealing with the funeral... --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that the chosing of who dies isn't a fair process --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I i didn't seem to have any feelings of the death until about a year later when things just kinda hit me...from that point on was when i reviewed everything in my head and began to deal with it --The weirdest part of it all to me was: realizing my own mortality - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 15 18:12:19 1998 M27 in Monterey Park, CA =USA= Email: <chuxmix-at-inreach.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Computer Specialist - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 1 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 67. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When your body ceases to function --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Felt like it was no big deal. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... On weekends I would visit convalescent hospitals to cheer people up. You know the rest. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Everybody trying to convince me to express my mourning. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: It happens to everybody, why be afraid of what happens after? Worry about your life instead! --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My friend got a huge inheritance. He's on easy street. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: when people who understood me didn't try to make me feel bad for not showing any remorse. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: All of my friends and loved ones' pain. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Try to make it happy. Make every moment count. --[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: was able to feel anger at how a seemingly insignificant accident could cause a death. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: people were angry at me for not showing remorse. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: n/a --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: get to know those in my life who have died a little better. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: talk to them one last time. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: n/a --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: n/a --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I'm depressed --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Not much. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I bet if I died, nobody would concern themselves --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Live alone in seclusion --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I thought about how easy it was for me to accept and how guilty I felt for not feeling grief. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: contempt for ignorance. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Generic care is popular. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a formula bred from tradition to signify closure. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: influenced by the fact I had a very strict Christian upbringing. --Regarding MONEY: everything was okay --Regarding the FUNERAL: What liars people are. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Having to carry a coffin to a Japanese funeral. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Lack of energy, a sense of loss or emptiness, depends on who it is. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I have had none. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'm very apathetic about my own death. If the doctor were to tell me that I'm dying tomorrow, I wouldn't tell anybody and just go about my daily routine. Actually, I'm pretty apathetic about life as well. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget A strange sort of apathy. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc. Guilt trips. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Interesting. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 15 09:37:32 1998 F49 in Whitby, Ontario =CAnada= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Registered Nurse --teacher - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 12 ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 62. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The end of life as we know it. Death often is very undignified and cruel but it can be peaceful for some. I am not sure if there is anything after this life..I would like to believe that there is but I am not there yet. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I The first time I ever experienced death was when I was 3 and my grandfather died. He was waked in the farm house and everyone was crying and praying...I remember it so very well although I do not think that I understood what was really happening. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: My mother seemed to accept her impending death and my father tried so very hard to face the inevitable. There was great sadness and loss --What I think my (CAnada) culture needs to better learn about death is: That people should be allowed to die their own death...I mean that heroic means to keep a person alive really just prolong the inevitable...when it is time to die we will die no matter what. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My mother's death gave me greater insite into the process...I am a nurse and have seen my fair share of death but I could always remain somewhat detached. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: The palliative care team...I didn't even know these people but they were always there to listen. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: That I would never be able to talk to that person again and that she would never be a part of my children's lives or of my life for that matter --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Hold their hand..physically touch the person always and always continue to talk to them...even the dying person has the same needs as any person does..if you leave the room even for a minute always tell them and tell them that you love them. We never know the hour of death. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Had the strength to go through the months preceeding her death...I enjoyed each and every minute that I had with her and my children have good memories of this time as they were very much a part of the whole process. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I thought my mother had reached the acceptance phase but she still hung on to her hope for recovery...the two just didn't seem to mix --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Laughter is the greatest stress reliever and that my mother would have wanted laughterMy 10 year old son w --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Get rid of some of the anger I had towards my mother for things that happened earlier in my life. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Be there for her and for my father --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: My mother sat up in bed hours before she died and responded to my question about pain with sort of a smile and the words "Oh boy" She did not utter one word after that. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: Things happen with my children I so often say Mom would love to see the children now. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Peace I hope --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that anyone has to die...what is the purpose of life anyway when you have to eventually go on the whatever.... --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Cose my eyes and talk to her --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Became angry and depressed. It took a long time for me to go through this as my main focus was on making others feel OK with the death. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: being thankful especially for palliative care and the support and understanding --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Very positive --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: For my mother it was her anchor as it was for my dad however I do not have their strength of belief --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: As if it has a reality base...i am trying to explore all avenues about death as it is something that I continue to be terrified of. --Regarding MONEY: It wasn't ever an issue --Regarding the FUNERAL: jThere was alot of love and support...people really cared --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Seeing the coffin lowered into the ground...up until that point I remained strangely detached from the proceedings...I had been operating in a fog --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Mottling of the lower extremities...irregular respirations --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I didn't experience this --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: i am receiving professional counselling to deal with some of the unresolved issues --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I want my family to know that I do not want heroic measures used to prolong my life for a couple of days...I believe that it is only painfully prolonging the inevitable. We should always have our house in order and our wishes well known and we should have a designated person take care of carrying out our wishes --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am terrified --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I really can't think of anything specific - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - This is an excellent questionnaire...it made me think and made me realize that I have not yet had closure ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 14 22:25:38 1998 F11 in San Jose, CA =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 69. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: an experience of loosing a loved one. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cyried my eyes out. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandmother, whom I was very close to died of cancer. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: my mother picking me up from school early. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: when someone is grieving not just to tell them to "get over it". --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that I learned that my friends and family really cared about me. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: remembering the special times we spent together. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: having to cope with not seeing her everyday. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell her that I love her one more time. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: not kill myself. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: they took her body away from the house. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see her picture. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... We would spend every waking moment together. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that people have to leave you. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could die so I could be with her. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I was totally blown away and bawling. --Regarding the FUNERAL: my best friends were there and crying. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: kissing her dead body goodbye. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : lack of wakness at times when it should be present. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell her that I love her and that she is one of the most important influences on my life. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would want to die around all my friends and family. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 14 20:11:06 1998 F15 in Auckland =New Zealand= Name: Jenny - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: high school student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 74, I think. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of a one life and the passing on to a new one. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 12. I think. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandpa died --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Meeting my cousin, and the food afterwards, that sounds pretty insensitive, but it was how I rememberd it. --What I think my (New Zealand) culture needs to better learn about death is: Its not really a sad time, because you will get to see them in a new life, one way or another. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my family. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: getting to grips that he was gone. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: he went into a coma a few days before he died --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: sleep in the bedroom next to his that night, as I was sleeping in the lounge for a change, and that was when he died, and I wasnt close to him. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I realisied I had to get on with life --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing to me, apart from a priest telling me and my brother off for playing in this fountain. --RE: Near Death Experiences: I used to be freaked about dying and couldnt get to sleep each night without checking that everything was turned off, but now I dont actually care, because I have realised that we are all going to die someday, and its just our destiny and I cant change it. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'd like people to be happy that I have gome to a better place, I dont want my funeral to be morbid, quiet or religous. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I used to talk to him, after death, late at night, when something was troubling me. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 14 18:44:31 1998 F21 in Cincinnati, Ohio =USA= Name: Beth - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Student, Elementary Education - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 year ago. Cause of Death: vascular disease; Aged: 47. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a shock. It is an event that we feel should not be sad, because our loved one is continuing life in a better place, but still brings us the ultimate sadness because we lost the physical presence of our loved one. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My grandmother, who I was very close to, died very suddenly when I was 5 years old (she was in her late 50's). This was a traumatic experience for adults around me and I had my first contact with death and did not quite understand what was going on. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: my hysteria during the approaching hours of the death and the concern of those around me for MY well being and the well being of my mother and brother. I also remember the feelings of abandonment and anger at my father for leaving us. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it will always happen. It's important to talk about it. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the support of those around me. I will also remember all the people who loved my father and showed it by coming to his funeral and offering to help us. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: the people around me that horrendous week who did everything from get me water to take me shopping for funeral clothes. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: moving on..... past that first week. Many people returned to their lives, and we had to go on living too, without my Dad. We'll never hear him laugh or joke again, and instead of the 4 of us, it is the 3 of us. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: think of my father every day, yet I am able to be a stronger person. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I looked back on my father's last days and wondered why none of us could possibly have seen it coming. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I know my dad would have been irritated with the fuss we all made and he would have thought all the flowers and such things were unnecessary. But it helped us, and at the time that was all that mattered. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: hug my father and tell him I love him one more time. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: keep myself composed throughout the funeral. It was important for me to be there and talk to the people who came specifically to see me and tell me that they cared. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: we went through all the "firsts" after the death of my father: the first birthday, the first Father's Day, and the first holiday season. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the fact that we were able to move to a new house without even thinking about it. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I realize that my father will never share the happy moments of my future with me. He will never know my future husband or children or walk down the aisle with me or hold his grandchildren. He will never sit and watch basketball on TV and yell at his team and he will never listen with amusement at my stories from school. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... My plans for the summer and beyond would be different and I would still be inconvienienced by having a far away home. But my dad would be here. Really, I can't imagine this alternate life. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I loved my dad and was so close to him. I know so many people who are not close to their fathers and they still have them. It's not fair. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could TURN BACK TIME. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt despondent at the fact that for the rest of my life, in all of the important events and not so important events, my father would not be able to share them with me. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: anger that the medical community can do so many things but couldn't fix my dad. I always thought hospitals were places that people went to get better, not to die. I will always be a little leary of hospitals and ICU's now. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: somewhat comforting but not completely satisfying. --Regarding MONEY: the stupid insurance company kept hounding my mom. I felt like the hospital and doctors shouldn't get their money becausae they didn't fix my dad. --Regarding the FUNERAL: all the people! I also remember irritation at some people who were there. In general, it was wonderful to talk to people, whether I knew them or not, who wanted to express their sorrow. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: returning to school where most people didn't know about the situation. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I am happy that we were ALWAYS on good terms with each other and the last few days were very happy. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I know my dad would want me to take care of Mom. He would tell me he was proud of me, because I know he was. I would tell him that I would do my best to live like he did all the rest of my life. --Any thoughts about your own death?: Sometimes I think about it, because I know it will happen someday. That is a frightening thought for me. I don't think about it much, but I do think about it more often than I used to. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I don't have anything like this but I wish I did. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Some of my answers made me sad to actually type them out and see them. I am sad whenever I think this extensively about the death of my father. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 14 05:33:24 1998 F37 in Perth, Western Australia =Australia= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Registered COmprehensive Nurse - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend, 4 yrs ago. Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: 36. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the sessation of life as we know it --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Laughed....and then thought badly of myself as I did not know if this was appropriate --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My Paternal grandfather died of lung cancer. My mother nursed him..we were not allowed to see him when he was in the terminal stages --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the feelings of loss --What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is: how to teach our children about it...and accept it as part of life --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the learning that I recieved form my friend...the deceased --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: nature...No body judging or watching me --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: seeing the hurt in others --[My GirlFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: still feel very sad and cry a lot some days...and that OK --The most confusing point of death for me was when: they had actually gone......what then?? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: the releif was tangible --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: party one more time --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: say goodbye --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Debra said good bye..and take care girlie...I will see you again --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: The number of paople at the funeral --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: some other death approaches --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... it would be a little richer,.....fuller --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... she is so young......and vital --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just know she is OK --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: sincere appreciation --Regarding HOSPICE etc: calm and need fulfilling --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: not a great deal --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: mystical and hopefull --Regarding MONEY: it did not --Regarding the FUNERAL: the lives affected by her passing --The weirdest part of it all to me was: the funeral procession --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : I am a registered Nurse..this is not a fair question.... Generally state of cognitive ability Kusmall or Chain stokes breathing --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': she certainly had some degree of knowledge that she was going to be taken care of..... --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would love just to chat...tell her about her kids...relieve any anxiety that she died with --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: once I am dead...its there life....the funeral and stuff is for them...ot for me.....I am gone --Any thoughts about your own death?: I hope I die with some warning...to finish off things and help prepare my loved ones for my leaving --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I tried to cry in the shower ....often......to express unshed tears --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? treasure each day...and live life to the full - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos not knowing what responses were normal - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - ok.....not too gruelling ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 12 18:18:51 1998 F66 in Greensboro, NC =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] wi - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Part owner of Vending Company - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, yrs 2 ago. Cause of Death: Alzeheimers Disease; Aged: 86. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A transition. One door closes, another opens onto a different life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was not very upset. My father's death was a relief....now he was free. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My grandfather died when I was 24 years old with two small children. It was the first death of someone I was close to and even though he had cancer, I was not prepared for it. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The sorrow that he had to spend his last years in the way he did, but relief knowing he was in a better place. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: That it is not final. It can be a blessing and a friend. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: The kindness and consideration of opther people. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: The fact that I have studied and read everything I could find on death, parapsychology, reincarntion, NDE's since 1954 and have a large library on the subject. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Knowing how hurt my mother was. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Mainly just being there for them and saying prayers. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Due to having Alzeheimers Disease, I haven't much to offer, but being able to offer support to my mother. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: A part of me knew he was dying and another part did not want to accept it. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: It is a form of relief. Laughing lets you know that you are still alive,and helps the stress that is involved with a death. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Talk more about with my father about his condition before it got so bad. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Hold up well. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: So many people I had actually forgotten about sent cards or came to the funeral home. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: A very fofmal funeral. We had a beautiful graveside service. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I sometimes miss my father and wish I could ask his advice, especially about business matters. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I don't think it would differ much from this life... --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I never thought death was unfair but sometimes I have thought it was unfair for such a smart man to have to die the way he did. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could It has not been that difficult for me but I am sorry that it has been difficult for my Mother. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I couldn't cry. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: The medical community seemed very disinterested. I would beg his doctor togive him some medications to calm him, but they seemed to think a senile old man needed nothing, and there were times whein I think he was in pain, but because he couldn't talk, he was ignored...and we were ignored. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Was not in contact with hospice. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Not as much as the things I have learned and believe from my studies. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I agree with this. It caused me to feel that we are all one...to realize more and more how much we are all one in spirit. --Regarding MONEY: Money was no problem. --Regarding the FUNERAL: More money was spent than was needed to be spent, but my mother insisted on the very best of everything. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Seeing the glazed look in my father's eyes. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : A certain limpness....the bowels letting go...a certain look in the eyes. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I experienced nothing like this at the time, but my Mother has said she often feels my father's presence. --RE: Near Death Experiences: About 45 years ago I thought I was going to die and accepted it as I was in terrible pain. I suddenly realized I was up at the top of the hospital room, looking down on my body. I don't know how long this lasted, but I saw about 4 or 5 people suddenly around the bed and just as suddenly I was yanked back into my body. It was a very pleasant experience. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I have no unresolved issues. --If we were to visit one last conversation... There would be a lot of questions I would like to ask. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Whatever their wishes, I believe they should be followed regardless of the opinion of others. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I have given much thought to my own death, but I don't dwell on it. There have been times when to die would be easy but to live is hard. I would like to have time to get all my "affairs" in order to make it easier for my children and husband to cope and handle things. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I feel great peace when I light a candle and say a prayer for the deceased. I am not Catholic. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I often light candles and say prayers for people who are ill, or in my thoughts. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was interesting but I have thought about a lot of the questions many times. As I said, the death of a child or husband, or different person would be entirely different, I'm sure. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Mar 12 17:23:21 1998 M25 in Vancouver, British Columbia =Canada= Name: Andrew Email: <andrewb-at-ican.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] -at- Yahoo "On-Line Tests and Experimants" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Student - Bachelor of Arts prgm. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: renal failure; Aged: approx 75 yrs. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when the time each individual has to live expires, it is a an end to life here, as we know it, and hopefully a beginning or new journey somewhere else. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 12 years of age. My Grandfather died, and I felt that it was terribly unfair that someone I loved so much had to die. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... I was swimming in the ocean near a crowded beach. I wanted to swim farther out than anyone else. When I managed to do so, I was exhausted, and there was a farily cood under current pulling me down. I began to realize that if I did'nt start swimming back, I would drown, I felt anxious. I was not strong enough to do so and began to drown. As I was going under, I became calm, and and even rember thinking how beautiful the sunlight shining through the waves looked. A young teenage boy, the last person I had swam past, saw me go under and swam out to grab me. He was obviously successful. This was my own and first "personal" encounter with Death. When I was 12, my grandfather died of a heart attack, I was devestated for some time afterward, for I felt that at the time, he was too young to die... I felt it was unfair. This was my first experience of someone close to me dying. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I was concerned with My uncle's health, for his wife of 53 years had died. About 3 weeks later, their family dog of 15 years died also. He is now in Hospital, and could go at any time. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: It is a process from which no one is exempt, and we should not fear it. Fear (and it's spinoffs) will always win. So live bravely. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My own near-death experience. I am not afraid of dying, however, I would like to have lived a full life before I do die, so that I may have a family, and accomplish some of the goals I find worthwhile --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: for my Grandfather, my mother (single-parent) was my main support. I also knew that my Grandfather, despite some of his shortcomings, would end up in a good place, if such a place indeed existed. I still feel pretty much the same way. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Not feeling selfish... ie: "Why did they have to die on me?" --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Be there to offer as much "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" as possible!!! Avoid judgment at all costs! --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: still feel regarding death as a natural, and non-frightening, process of life. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: receiving the initial news... it's almost inconceivable, dream like, or does'nt seem real. I suppose it's the mind/body's natural way of protecting itself from trauma. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I don't recall laughing... but perhaps that's just my personality. And the way that others cope or vent with the emotions surrounding death. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: visit with my grandfather, and ask him about more of his own life experiences. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: comprehend death as natural process of living. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: When my "Black Sheep" uncle attended his father's service, he had alienated himself from the family for a long time, and put aside his differences. Maybe it's hindsight bias, but I would'nt have expected him not to attend his own father's service. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: That he will go to "Judeo-Christian" heaven, to sit beside a benevolent creator. *Whatever helps you get through it, is what I think about that, and although I consider myself a spiritual person, I tend to agree with Karl Marx: "Religion is the opium of the masses". --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hav'nt since. Although at times I have fond memories, or I wish my Grandfather were still around to talk to, but that's it. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Not a lot I suppose, although I would still have someone to talk with in certain respects. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... It's not fair... he was too young to die (compared with less valued living relatives), and he and I had a special bond which was abruptly ended. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could It hasn't gotten difficult, accepting (not denile) helps one continue on with life. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I began to feel better. The event had occured, and that's how it would be. So, better to feel positive about the person, having fond memories, then to be a "wreck" over it. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: He died peacefully at home, in bed. Nice way to go if you ask me. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Not applicable --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Organized Religion means unnecessary and often costly formalities for remembering someone. If that loved one was close... you don't need the B.S. (depending on your beliefs, of course), you can just go for a walk. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Unifying as a species... as much as people trivialize, and victimize one another, we are still all "bretheren" in a sense. This gives me comfort, and hope for a brighter future. Less people will die needlessly, living fulfilled and happy lives. --Regarding MONEY: My Grandfather left his money to his second wife and his children. I have seen many a family fight over possesions, but thankfully this did not happen with mine. My Dad and his siblings asked only for a few momentos, and forfietted all monies back to his second wife. That was big of them, and they truly did honor to their father's memory and name. --Regarding the FUNERAL: My Uncle showing up, he was a sight for sore eyes, and we all really came together. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: not fearing death, when most seem to. Although, I suppose that I must attribute this to my own near-death experience. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : If death is appearantly imminent, possibly one would try to make ammends with people they felt that they had wronged in some way... or just saying goodbye. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I once had a vivid dream of my Grandfather. Remember from the Data, I am not religious, but he actually ahd wings on... and he told me not to worry about him, and that I would see him again someday. Talk about your REM sleeps!!! --RE: Near Death Experiences: ** Already been mentioned** --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I feel fine, and have no feelings of "unresolved issues". --If we were to visit one last conversation... I Love You... Hope to see you when it's time, we'll go for a beer or something! --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: My Aunt's family (children) were extremely petty about fighting over he possessions. The one's who weren't really had this whole "Cling to Life" attitude (as she was in the hospital for a few days before hand). I rather that person feel comfortable about dying, as opposed to freaking out about it! --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would prefer (as I'm sure most people would) to live a full life, but in the event that this would not be possible, I would "make the rounds" and tell every one I loved them, and give them something personal of mine to remember me by. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Go for a walk in the park, and have a mental conversation with that lost loved one (Or a verbal one if you don't care what others might think!). - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Not really, I think that my opinion/attitude surrounding death and dying is pretty much the same... a natural process of living. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 8 18:28:55 1998 M17 in , Ontario =Canada= Name: Scott Email: <scot12-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 1/2 months ago. Cause of Death: freak accident; Aged: 33. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A way of life. Although its very difficult we must learn to accept and deal with it the best way we know how! --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was this year at the age of 17. I was very scared about it all. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...It was my uncle who was killed in a freak snowmobling accident this past January! --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I would have to say my aunt and grandmas reactions while they looked at the body. The tears, the hurt and all the pain i seen in their faces. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: That it is a way of life. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: how the family pulled together to help one another through this difficult time --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Just being alone, looking at pictures of my uncle and writing how I felt about it --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: trying to accept that fact that he was gone and that I will never get to see him again --[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: felt going to the funneral and how we have the strength inside to do what we think is impossible --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: that never happened to me! --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: To let my uncle know how I felt about him, that I thought he was a great man and a great father to his three young kids and that he meant a lot to everyone --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Have the courage to deal with it and help out in any way i could! --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I touched the body. It made me feel good inside. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear a snowmobile or I see his name somewhere I think about it! --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I think if I was in a dream land like that I wouldnt have realized that I complain to much about minor things and should just be happy that I am fairly healthy and am alive. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... why did God have to take him from us. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just see him one last time to say good bye! --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried over and over again and was very angry and depressed. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: looking at the body and touching it --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : I s --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I see his body in the coffin many times at nite when I close my eyes. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would say how much he meant to yes, I would expect him to tell him how he was and what heaven was like and how much he loved and missed us all --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am 17 and havent really thought about that but I would feel shocked and upset that I was going to leave this world so young not getting to do the things I want to do and the thing I need to experience! --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Again writing songs and singing them when I think about him - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People writing poems/songs about how I felt What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It brought up a lot of feelings and made me cry thinking about him since it was only 1 1/2 months ago since his death but it made me understand things and sort of shed a new light on things! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 8 01:33:50 1998 Anonymou Guest F17 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 3 years ago. Cause of Death: a skiing accident; Aged: 14. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when a person stops functioning. --That first time, how it happened was My aunt died suddenly on Halloween when I was 14. I found out about it when i got home from school that day. She just collapsed outside her house and died before the ambulance got her to the hospital. She was always very sickly, and refused to ever see a doctor. To this day we still don't know exactly what she died from, but we think she may have had cancer that was never diagnosed. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: a lot of people with solemn faces and a lot of crying --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: people should live life to the fullest because when you die, it is the end. there is no heaven, or after-life. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: life experience --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my own strength in coping with tragedy --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: wondering if i had treated that person well enough in life --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i first found out. i couldn't believe someone could just be gone forever so quickly. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: laughing is okay. it is an expression of emotion that doesn't leave you vulnerable --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell him i was sorry if i had ever hurt him in any way. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: accept it, and put it behind me --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i see his picture, or the note he wrote in my book when we were in fifth grade. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... i kept saying that it shouldn't have happened to someone like him --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could change it --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried and felt angry about what happened --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: anger and hatred! I hate religion in general, and i escpecially hated it when my friend died because all these stupid assholes kept saying that "God" had a reason for it! That REALLY pissed me off because they were making it sound as if we all shouldn't be angry and upset that this truly good 14 year old, who had his whole life ahead of him, was ripped from his family, friends, and dreams in an instant! --Regarding the FUNERAL: his family had a memorial service in their church. I hate religion, and i don't like churches, but i went just for the sake of showing everyone that he meant something to me. I did not pray as everyone else did, but i stayed for the entire time. --RE: Near Death Experiences: i don't believe in the after-life. i think those experiences are caused by something physical nto paranormal. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: i wish i felt more confident that i had treated him well when he was alive, but i have to just chalk this up to experience and make sure i don't take anyone's presence for granted in the future. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: i don't care what is done to me when i die. i will be too DEAD to care. --Any thoughts about your own death?: i would like to save dying for a later date because i have things i want to accomplish in my life, but what can i do? I am not going to try to make myself die, but if it happens, it happens. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it was okay, just a little long ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Mar 8 00:05:53 1998 M18 in , NJ =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 3 yrs ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 15. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very unhappy about it. --That first time, how it happened was It was my grandmother. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the fact that I blamed myself and still blame myself. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: It somehow unlocked my natural talents as a writer. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my writing. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the guilt of knowing that I thought something was wrong when I saw him the last time, and that I did not do anything. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Got really enraged. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 7 15:15:24 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 days ago. Cause of Death: accident,work; Aged: 20. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: moving on of life force, leaving body --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: wishing i could turn back time, stop the death --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: learned new values,ideas --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: memories - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? How well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 7 14:33:07 1998 F29 in Idaho Falls, Idaho =USA= Name: Linda Email: <ahkashah-at-hotmail.com> Web: http://WWW.geocities.com/paris/metro/6340 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] searched the web for surveys...sounded interesting - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Personal Assistant - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 20 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60's. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Death is when your heart stops beating and all body functions cease. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I cried. I was scared. I couldn't deal with it. I denied and avoided. I was too scared, but I'm not sure what I was so scared of. I think I was afraid that it hurt, or that the body would reanimate. I've often feared walking around graveyards for fear of the dead rising. I guess I am a media-child. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandfather was dying of cancer and I was staying with my grandmother for the Summer while he was in the hospital. He had been ill over the few years before, but he died while I was there visiting. I couldn't go near the funeral home. I've always had a fear of death. I used to live across the street from an old cemetary, and I was afraid to sleep facing the grave yard for the first few years of living there. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How much it hurt to lose them and being scared. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: The facts not the fiction surrounding death. I'm convinced the media brings a great fear of death into our lives that as children we don't understand. We mourn loss heavily. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I had a greater understanding of my living relatives. I found a bond with relatives that I didn't have before that. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Myself. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The fear of the body. And the knowledge that they would never be around anymore. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: n/a --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I was trying to figure out how to feel about the death. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: n/a --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Say goodbye. Tell him that I loved him. Tell him that I was sorry this was happening. Thank him for being a good man. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: make it though --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: n/a --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: n/a --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I remember how I felt during that time. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... not an often thought --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... ? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could I wish I had a knowlegde of what happens after death. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I don't remember --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: They did what they could and were supportive. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: n/a --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: silly --Regarding MONEY: my mom and her brothers had issues about dividing up the belongings and dealing with my grandmother, who wasn't dealing with much for years after. --Regarding the FUNERAL: didn't go --The weirdest part of it all to me was: n/a --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : weakness, lack of mental cohesiveness, other symptoms of cancer, coming home to die --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': none --RE: Near Death Experiences: n/a --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I'm not sure there is any closure needed. I have a fear of death that goes beyond the few death experiences that I have had. There will come a point when I will need to talk to a therapist about it. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would want to say goodbye (etc. from above). I would ask what death is like. Maybe knowing would make it easier and take away the fear. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: The person dying should be allowed to not have to suffer. There should be wills and life insurance, etc. People should know what the dying person wants done with their things. Special goodbye's should be made. --Any thoughts about your own death?: If I knew that I was going to die soon, it would terrify me. I would want my things to be in order to prepare for it. I would want to spend as much time with my loved ones as possible. I would cry a lot. I fear my own death a lot, but I can go on with my day to day affairs. If I think about it too much, it would keep me from acheiving my goals in life. I think I fear the death of my loved ones more than my own death. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: never achieved closure. Time washes away memories and pain. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? nope - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget Growing up and understanding the facts of life and death. I still have a fear of death. Religion made it easier but wasnt enough. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It's not often that I re-examine my feelings about death. I realize that I still have a great fear of the unknown. I see how this examination of emotions would be useful for people directly dealing with the death experience. I'm glad I am not in the position of losing a close loved one recently. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Mar 7 07:31:45 1998 F15 in NYC, New York =USA= Name: Agata Email: <wishboneash-at-worldnet.att.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo listings - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, two months ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: i think 80. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when we close our eyes and just slip into darkness and cannot wake up ever again. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was extremely scared of my own death. Whenever i would think about my life i would always envision myself old on a bed, closing my eyes and just being so alone and lost and confused and homesick. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...i was eight or nine and my mom got a phone call from california and all of a sudden she started crying. my uncle had died and i started crying because i was so scared that everyone around me was crying. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how i had to try not to cry to prove to my family that i am not a baby and trying to make it look fake. everyone was like in denial and tried to fake their emotions. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that no matter what you do you should never tamper with trying and bringing back to life people who are frozen (like Walt Disney). --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: when my uncle was in the hospital he was in such pain that he had to basically live on morphine and when he died it seemed as if he was finally free of the suffering --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: religion and the pastor who came to the wake to read bible excerpts that made us believe that there is hope and that death is not evil. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: realizing that the people in the casket would soon be my mom, dad, sister, aunt, grandma, etc. and that one day i would wake up and have no one. --[My idol's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: keep myself going by telling myself that my idol would be proud of my trying to carry on his beliefs in the world - that his life was not for vain. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i was trying to decide whether there is a god that would save your soul or whether there is nothing and life is in vain. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was like the final step of the denial i was forcing myself to go through - even until the final moment. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: talk to them about anything at all. my relationship with my uncle hadnt been too good and i wish i could have showed him that i do care no matter how it seems on the outside --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: it --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: i saw the dead man's corpse and it was so fake and it occcured to me that at the moment it seemed impossible that it could have once contained life --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the flowers given by all the families to the family of the deceased - the funral home setting, the clothes of the deceased, etc --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i allow my imagination to wander and it usually ends up imagining my own death --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... i would learn to appreciate them more and to 'live like theres no tomorrow' anything thats on my mind i would tell them, anything i wanted to do with them i would not procrastinate. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that someone can have their life taken away by someone else completely not involved. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could die myself --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I started crying because it was so scary how one minute they were there, alive! and the next they're gone never to come back --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: ignorance, lies, and incompetency. the medical community can kiss my ...... --Regarding HOSPICE etc: the whole medical society is crap and these dying people are just treated like numbers and cases that are interseting to study. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: whenever i felt so weak that i would fall i dug out my bible and started to read it and know that god would help me if i only believed. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: true. No matter what faith we are there is one god and one spirit and if we live by the rules of our faith we will all be saved. --Regarding MONEY: everyone was so concerned about appearances and how much everything cost and everyone tried to weigh the life of the deceased with money and his last will and testament --Regarding the FUNERAL: it was too fake --The weirdest part of it all to me was: that the body of the deceased stays behind (doesnt disappear) with the soul --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : when the person suddenly becomes very succombing and charitable and nice --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': all he saw at different intervals was as if a thin white curtain was blowing before him --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: i wanted to resolve a lot more, but it was too late. i try to tell him in prayer as much as he might hear --Any thoughts about your own death?: i am sort of phobic about my death whenever i think about it my eyes go blank i see black, my heart races i sweat i am extremely scared like i want to run away and i faint. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: lighting a candle for them in church and keeping it lit forever until i die as a reminder - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy trying to forget it What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 6 19:38:39 1998 F23 in Ithaca, NY == - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2yrs ago. Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 73. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: cessation of life, consciousness, and animation. Also, ceasing to exist for those close to us --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I had to deal with my older sister trying to make me laugh throughout the wake in front of all my grandfather's friends. I wasn't very close to him at the time, so his death didn't affect me very much. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my maternal Grandfather --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: It brought my 2 sisters and myself together, and also brought on a confrontation with my estranged mother, which really ruined the experience of trying to deal with the loss of our grandmother. I didn't get much closure from that funeral, although I did help my other relatives by being emotionally supportive. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I found out that I can be stronger than other people in one more aspect of life. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: being with my sisters, sharing in their thoughts on the whole thing. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I hadn't seen my grandmother in 3 years, and had been planning on visiting her that summer, and I never got the chance for that one last connection. When I saw the body at the wake, I found out how much she had physically deteriorated in those 3 years, and it was hard to reconcile my inner vision of a plump, smiling woman with the whie-haired, emaciated body in the coffin. Again, the physical evidence interfered with closure. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that my granmother, who was one of the most positive influences in my life, died before I really got to know her, while her daughter and my mother, who doesn't deserve to be in anyone's life, least of all my grandmother's, is alive and well after all the pain she caused people. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 6 11:19:25 1998 F31 in Alexandria, Virginia =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 10yrs ago. Cause of Death: Toxic Shock - TSP ; Aged: 27. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a lost of a loved one and in a way a lost of apart of your soul your inner self. Beause in most cases the person that died was apart of your life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was young and could just took for granted that this person would always be around, especially since they had been around me for as long as I could remember. Her death was a rude awakening for me, and I never looked at my family quite the same again. Knowing now that nothing last forever. --That first time, how it happened was It was my grandmother. She had a diabetic attack. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: seeing my cousin unconcous in intensive care. They were only letting one person at a time in to visit her and when it was my turn I just stood there, I didn't say anything to her. I guess I was still shock to see her that way. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Learn to not take life for granted. To embrase each other in life so there are no regrets or guilt in death. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my cousin touched my life. By that I mean she taught me things and shared things that can never be atten away even thought she's gone those thing will aways be here with me. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: family --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: dealing with the fact that she was gone. It felt like she was on vacation or something becasue she was so young when she died. I had this idea that young people didn't die only old people. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: thank her for her advice and listening to me. Tell her how grateful I am that she was a part of my life. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: after my cousin died. I didn't get a chance to say good bye. Before her funiral, I had a dream that we were all in church (my family) and she appeared from the back of the church. We were all so happy because we thought she was dead. I cried tears of joy when I saw her and we hugged. She told me she loved me and everything was going to be all right. We started walking (my cousin and I) and the scene changed from the church to a log hallway with other people walking up and down the hall. I don't remember what we said but I do remember feeling a since of comfort and at peace with myself. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: when ever I see a funeral scene or others in mourning over there lost, I remeber my lost and know exactly what they are feeling. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... She would be a big part of my life. The way she was then, she was more like a sister than a cousin. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: everything to me. I could not have made it throught that difficult time without prayer and my faith in God. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 6 08:31:23 1998 F41 in Indianapolis, in =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 24 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 39. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Death is a permanent ending. However, for those of us who remain, it is the beginning of all kinds of adjustments to life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I pretended it didn't bother me because she was old. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My paternal grandmother had heart problems and died in the ER. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: People "protected" us as kids and never talked about death to us. I have dearly paid in my adult life. I work in pediatric oncology and truly talk about this experience with my parents. I have had years of therapy dealing with my guilt. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: Everyone views it differently, and it is ok for everyone to have their own views. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: There is nothing. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My pets. I never had to "pretend" to be someone else around them. I can always be myself. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I feel I have never had anyone to turn to regarding life since age 17. Plus, Mom was sick since I was 8. All I had was my brother to share with and he died of cancer at age 33. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Don't dance around words. Be open and honest. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything Out of sight, out of mind, until I became an adult. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death My mother also had cancer. No one ever talked to us kids. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 6 03:20:12 1998 F35 in albuquerque, new mexico =usa= Name: DS Email: <ds4now-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: nanny/gardner - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: we don't die Recommended Reading-- Writers: george anderson - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, yrs 4 ago. Cause of Death: cardiac tamponade; Aged: 57 yrs. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a sudden stop of time,the outside world doesn't seem to be real,you don't see clearly..and youre stuck between reality and a nightmare. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was confused, I was 9 years old and no one thought it would effect me. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was.I was visiting my aunt/uncle on their ranch. my uncle was working on a field tractor of some sort.the tractor was jacked up resting on a log.my uncle underneath,I was next to the tractor handing him tools.my cousin walked up to me,and asked'do you know where my dads at'?just as I was ready to answer,my cousin put his foot on the log [that held the tractor] the tractor fell,crushing my uncle. I ran back to the house to tell my aunt what had happened. I was covered with my uncle's blood, my aunt grabbed and shook me,calling me a liar. my father told me, for many years that I wasn't even there when this happened. I thought I was losing my mind.my father thought i'd have nightmares if I believed what I saw, so he tried to change my reality. I was 9 years old. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how very much I loved her, and how very little my sisters did. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: it happens..it isnt a 'disease' that we need to keep our kids away from.I think we need to talk about death more often, not just when we have to.we need to celebrate the lives of the people that have passed. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my best friend and her son moved in with me,after my mom passed.I don't have any kids, but I now have the oppritunity to help raise my friends son. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my best friend, her 4yr old son and a very good therapist. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: my siblings,I was very close to my mom ,they were not.when my mom passed my sisters had me evicted from the house we all grew up in. I lived there with my mom, up untill she died [for 31 yrs] --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: thank my mom for all the make believe stories, --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: help raise my best friends son. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: my best friend never said "get over it,or its time to move on" --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: tying to get my mind off the death or trying to get me out of the house. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see mothers and daughters shopping together,having lunch together. when I hear daughters asking their moms to advise them on things. st.patricks day is a real tear jerker.. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would smile without guilt, I would feel whole again. I would be living...period. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... my mom wasn't old,she went to the doctor the day of her death, 'gallstones' the dr. said. wrong!...heart attack. my mom was involved in the community, she helped alot of people. why are there so many, pieces of shit people, that hate life and everyone in it..why are they here and she isn't? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could die. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I crumbled and screamed...and felt extremly alone. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: disbelief, and anger..the emergency room -at- the hosp. my moms primary care doctor..wouldn't perform the appropriate tests.they didn't check her heart because she wasn't a male [males/heart~females/gallblatter] they were wrong..dead wrong! --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing,we do believe in God but not in the church. --Regarding MONEY: everybody wanted to make the funeral plans,everyone wanted me to pay for them. --Regarding the FUNERAL: first, I had an extremly professional funeral director,he never pushed anything on me,he advised me about over spending and purchasing things i didn't need. he also kept my famiy off my back.second, how very much my mom touched the lives of others. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: learning how dependant I was was on my mom. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I found my mom on her bedroom floor, when i returned from work. her eyes were open and she was starring at a picture of St. Anthony, she had been dead for approx. 4 hrs. I only hope she had a peaceful journey to the other side. --RE: Near Death Experiences: I was riding my bike on the street, I was 11 yrs old. a car was headed straight for me. I felt myself being lifted off my bike just in time to see it being totally crushed by this car.it wasn't a near death experience, it was more of a guardian angel experience. I was studying to be a death and dying counselor, I've been very interested in the other side most of my life. I've always believed that death is your final 'paycheck' with a bonus, its something youve worked very hard for. I stopped believing that when my mom died. [at least its not for the survivors] --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: after her death I realized how much I depended on her. my friends oftened called me a 'titty baby' I always thought my mom and I were just very close and we enjoyed eachothers company thats why we 'hung out' together so much. I'm angry at her now for allowing me to stay so childlike. she protected me from the outside world. she nurtured my childlike beliefs..I can't tell you how many stars i've wished upon..just hoping she'd come home. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I'd like to hear her say..'you did right by me kid' and I'd love to thank her for showing me how to be a loving parent. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: A WILL!!! my mom left a hand written will, no witnesses. I know what she wanted and I feel as though Ive let her down because Im unable to carry out some of her wishes. she threw me into battle with no armor. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I've been waiting to die for 4 yrs now. I really believed that when my mom passed, I would soon follow. I expected her to come back and pick me up....sometimes I still feel, that she will. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: my mom would have hugh St.Patricks day parties, she died 1 week after the last party. I'm in the process of making an Irish garden..planting anything that reminds me of her, Ireland or the 'wee people' --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I'm still stuck...I haven't been able to move forward very much. I find it near impossible, to do anything that reminds me of my mom.things that we did together or watch together I find myself avoiding. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Denial talk,talk and talk [now] What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities denial,anger - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it allowed me to go back, step by step..it brought up some tearful memories..but the most important things that I noticed while filling in the blocks were...how angry I am at my mom for dying, and how I'm trying to 'guilt her' by not moving forward with my life. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? maybe add a question/s about:rethinking the death process,how has this death changed your thoughts about the people closest to you. who surprised you the most good/bad during the death process? and who showed their 'true colors'at the worst possible time. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Mar 6 00:09:48 1998 Anonymous Guest F15 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 week ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 80. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Not being able to see people because their body stops working and we bury them in the ground. We see them when we also die, as our spirits go to heaven. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didn't think about. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... my Grandfather - long suffering, eventually after everything else had gone, his heart did too --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the battle over the will --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: It's alright to cry and grieve! --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My cousin, 3 at the time, pointed at a star and said "There's Uncle Bill! He's having dinner! Nope, he's turned his light out, he's gone to bed.' --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my friends --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the closest relations to him falling apart around me --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: said I loved him the last time I saw him, not be scared of him because of how sick he was. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: not be there throughout it all . --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Where he was going to be buried --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think that I didn't grieve enough --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that the people left behind sometimes can't get over it --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I