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See Current contributions.
See May 01 contributions.
See Apr 01 contributions.
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Sat Jun 30 21:17:01 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, yrs6 ago.
Cause of Death: not sure; Aged: 41.
--Details:
being told different stories about how he died. i should have
been there to help him
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
never seeing someone you love again while your alive. the worst
pain you could ever feel is when you lose someone close to you .
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
lost who i was.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father was shot
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother,brothers and i becomming closer as if being one person.but
never talking much about the death of my father
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it need to treat the ones left behind better.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my mother,brothers and i commin together and staying together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being left behind
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just being there
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
lived throught it,
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
throught all of it even now . i will always wonder why death has
to happend.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
you have to laugh. YOU HAVE TO LAUGH.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i wish i could have told my father how much he really ment to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with them as long as i was. remember the way they loved me. and
the fun that we had together
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the coast of the furnal
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would be happy, my kids would know them as i did and learn
from them. my whole faimly would be happy again
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i dont think i'll ever acknowledge death, maybe to other people
but not to myself.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
our faith got us through our belife in god. not so much the
church. or anything or one else
--Religious Affiliation:
i belive in god.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
death is death no matter what
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all the people there so many
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
never really beilving it happend but knowing it did
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it gets easier as time goes by but it never goes away
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
get counciling it does help
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
anything they would say would help
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
they are always with you . you just know when they are there . you'll
hear thier voice or just feel that they are there. i don't know
how to explain it maybe its our minds trying to cope. maybe it real
,maybe its your way of going on without them. but i know they are
there
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
the people that die are in a better place the ones left behind
that i feel bad for.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
beleaving that everything happends for a reason we just dont know
the reason.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
blocking everything out, pretinding it never happend
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
felt like i was left behind
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
its ok i hope someone will be helped if they need help i think we
all go through the same things some more than others deal with it
however you can dont let anyone make you feel that your way is not
the right way, as long as you dont hurt anyone. there is no clear
cut way to deal with death, just do and feel the way you need to
just dont hurt anyone. and you'll make it.
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Sat Jun 30 09:30:39 2001
F52 in , NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
YAhoo listing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Breathing problems; Aged: 79.
--Details:
She was hospitalized for a relatively "simple' operation to relieve
hydrocephalus but during recovery developed a breathing problem,
undoubtedly made worse by her lifelong history of smoking, ended
up on a respirator and the hospital gave up on trying to really
help her. She developed numerous infections which they were unable
to get to the root cause of, until her body became so weakened that
she couldn't fight them anymore and just let go of life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of earthly life. There are many different views on what
kind of life, or whether there is one, of the spirit after the
body's death. Proof of such afterlife is dependent on belief alone,
nothing has been proved.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Death of my father when I was in my late 30's,
very sudden and unexpected in his sleep. I was always isolated from
deaths in the family prior to that.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling all alone in the world. I had no family to comfort me and
my few friends were scattered and only able to be of limited help.
I used to play the radio all day just to hear another voice in
the house.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Finding someone special who has influenced my life ever since.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
That special someone who touched my emotions with his heart and
his voice and his soul.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Being alone completely.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have some quality time with my mother in those last few weeks.
She was always either sleeping or nonresponsive and I just sat
there waiting for time to pass and feeling nothing.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
An interesting hypothesis but I don't think about that much.
Life was so much of a burden for my mother in her last years that
I can't imagine that going on further. I could only imagine an
alternate future if she could have been well and mobile and able
to do things for herself which had not been the case for a number
of years.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have someone to help me with the decisions and minutia of life that
it is difficult for me to do by myself.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hostility. I think when they couldn't wean her off the respirator
in the first few days they just gave up and gave her no more than
custodial care while billing the insurance for tests that, if they
really were done, availed nothing. Only one resident seemed truly
interested in helping her get better and when she was rotated to
another part of the hospital that small hope went with her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
The funeral cost a lot more than I was comfortable spending but I did
it because I knew she would want me to. Afterwards when the will
was probated and I, as only child, received my entire inheritance
for a long time I was unable to think of it as MY money, MY house,
it was always THEIR (my parents) money and their house, I was only
temporary caretaker. In time I came to own it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Nobody came except one friend of mine. Her sister didn't even come.
All I got was what I paid for, which was very well and nicely done.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I had to just let go of her. She wanted to go, she was ready to go,
continuing her life on a respirator would have been more burden
than boon. It was not my fault that she died. I did what I did
to try and get her help, make her better. It most likely would
have worked out the same or worse if I had done nothing.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
None.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wish that we could have talked more openly about a lot of things
and that we were able to share more experiences that her disabilities
did not allow us to do. But there is no way to change that and no
way to resolve it.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have dreamed about my mother, and my father on many occasions
but I have not felt in any way that they were trying to convey any
message to me. I believe that was only a manifestation of my own
mind and not a "visit" from their spirits. I have never had any
such visits that I know of.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think that the rights of a grievously ill person not to have
life artificially prolonged should be listened to and followed
unconditionally, even when the other family members and doctors
might feel differently.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm completely ready for it. I have no life worth living for.
I wish I could know ahead of time and be able to make sure my
affairs were in order and have one last decadent fling before I go.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
The one special friend I spoke of earlier has become a dominant force
in my life ever since. I love him dearly and would do anything for
him and even though we must be apart that love and caring goes on
and always will.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
A friend who reached out and touched me helped as well.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
The knowledge of the burdens his death left on me hindered.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
It would have helped me if certain persons would have physically
got their little asses over here and helped me with physical tasks
and given physical comfort but no one did that for me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Not very useful. I hope my answers were of some benefit to others
however. I had nothing to rethink.
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Thu Jun 28 03:18:36 2001
F22 in , virginia =usa=
Name: valerie
Email: <lildove23=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
went into polls yahoo search
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mentor, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 35.
--Details:
he was being careless. in a hurry all the time. im not sure why.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passageway. Which door you choose is up to you while you are
living.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt believe what i was experiencing. i kept thinking it wasnt
REALLY happening. I immediatly wanted to be a part of the following
process. i guess looking for something to do.I didnt cry until
the funeral, then i ran out of the church. I havent functioned
properly since.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... last month i found my friend/pastor dead. his
car jack failed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
shock. this just couldnt happen to us. Not him. everyone else seemed
like life just went on, but im in a hole.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can happen to anyone, anytime. noone is immune.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i got some things straight between me and The Lord.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband just letting me act however i felt for awhile.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing someone that i knew loved me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
well, he was already gone. but his wife was there and it was
important to do ANYTHING for her sake. we went through cpr motions
and things so she had some time to begin processing what was
happening.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
immediatly finding him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
its normal, and a good release.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him, i knew he was in danger. let his phone ring longer
that morning.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the best conversation with him the night before.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i was mad at how business like the funeral conductor was.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
it can happen anytime unexpectedly.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would still be taking my family for granted.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do we have to do everything so soon? isnt it too soon to have
the funeral? also, its not fair...hes too good to die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have just 5 minutes with him. id wish to die too, but wouldnt want
to leave loved ones here grieving.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
completely hid from everyone, including my own thoughts.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they couldnt do anything. but the doctor who delivered the news to
his wife was really mean. she was in denial and he yelled at her
saying "he was dead when he got here."
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
im a Jesus Freak. Howard is with the Lord.
--Religious Affiliation:
ive been mormon. i am now born again, hand raiser Lord praiser.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
huh??
--Regarding MONEY:
trust me you really dont want to know.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there was standing room only. everyone in the state came.
the
director was rude to me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i tried to make the body smile...and was around it acting like
nothing was wrong.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when the ambulance starts to do something...then doesnt. and when
people start taking pictures.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i just wish i could say to him...i told you so.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
its demonic. the enemy is decieving. i use to believe in such things
also. i know you are chuckling.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
OH!!! I remember....when he died...he signed a donor card...not
knowing that his wife would have to fight the state for his
body. it wasnt hers but the governments. I WILL NOT BE A DONOR. it
was horrible!!!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
im okay with it.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes. but they arent in my life really, i went online 2 weeks ago.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
im not even sure on that. im kinda avoiding everything right now.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
lack of people who are sensitive.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just for people to listen and not feel like they have to say
something.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
im really tired from insomnia, i wish i felt like going more into
detail but i dont right now. feel free to email me though.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
the "organized" religion is kinda offensive.
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Tue Jun 26 01:43:24 2001
F19 in Santa Rosa, CA =USA=
Name: Desiree
Email: <dweefle=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Motherheart
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Prof/Studies: Direct Care for DD Adults/Nursing
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sogyal Rinpoche
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother and I visited my dying grandmother
by plane from CA to MO, USA. I didn't understand that she was dying,
but I was aware she was sick, and after being there for a few days,
she passed away. I attending her funeral. I distinctly remembeer
the hall, the music, and being held up to her casket to see her...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I was able to say goodbye, and let the dying person
know they are loved.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the shock of their absence
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they were physically gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
That is what I needed to do at the time. I giggled and giggled and
giggled until I caught myself crying. This occurred several days
before the death.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Compassion
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Love, Compassion, and Acceptance. No one was fearing or avoiding
this death. A community of strangers pooled together to help one
being die as peacefully and painlessly as they could.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
at such a young age I accepted death more - without feeling sorry
for my own loneliness.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Sat Jun 23 07:38:49 2001
F44 in , Illinois =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 days ago.
Cause of Death: natual cause; Aged: 93.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My older cousin 16 was killed in a auto wreck.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Watching Grandma take her last breath and feeling such a great lose
and a very empty feeling.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Grandma opened her eyes and looked at my mother and had a tear
fall and closed her eyes and went to sleep and that was her way of
saying goodbye to my mother. Also her death has made me remember
to not take anyone for granted as you could loose them at anytime.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family and having memories of grandma to look back on.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching them die.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed at funny memories of grandma and our times together.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell grandma thank you for all she has done for myself and my
children and for being a infuence in my life and that i love
her dearly.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there when she died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss talking to grandma and saying the word "grandma" to my
grandma.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell grandma thank you for helping me in my rough times in
my life and for putting up with some of my behaviors and for always
loving me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Weeks before my grandma passed away i dreamed of her sisters at her
house and moving furniture out as if preparing grandma to join them
as my aunts have all passed away years ago.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel not as afraid to die now as i know i will join my grandma
and grandpa in heaven and others in my family.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I very much beleive that grandma is with grandpa now and the rest
of her family and 3 grandchildren that have passed away. Grandma and
Grandpa's anniversary is today and i know she is with him celebrating
being happy and well on their 72nd anniversary. That makes me smile.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel closer again to family members i had in away grown apart
from in recent years.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Thu Jun 21 20:17:46 2001
F26 in Fort Morgan, Colorado =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: home health secretary
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My mom is dying right now with lung cancer
with mets to the bone. I am 26 and she is only 55. I feel like she
is suffering, not in pain, but she is goofy and talks about goofy
stuff and she knows she is but can't help it, I feel she is losing
her dignity in that aspect.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
knowing its not fair.
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Thu Jun 21 01:45:23 2001
M16 in selby, north yorkshire =england=
Name: steven
Email: <stevedude2uk=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
my mum tried it the other day
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 71.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my granddad that past away a couple
of years ago
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? I knew it was coming
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Thu Jun 21 01:44:00 2001
M16 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
my mum tried it the other day
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 71.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my granddad that past away a couple
of years ago
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? I knew it was coming
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Wed Jun 20 20:53:25 2001
F22 in Jacksonville, FL =USA=
Name: Mandy
Email: <mandy6488=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: Service Associate
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
scary... sad...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my mom died of cancer when i was 19.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
loneliness.. disbelief
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being there when she left.. getting to say i love you one last time
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend.. a few years later
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
facing the fact she was gone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen.. give them hugs and kisses
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize how precious life is and what is really important
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
do more for my mom
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell her i love her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would be happier
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did alot for us.. .especially hospice
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
resentful a little.. they brought up the fact she was going to die
and we were in denial
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
they helped alot with food and such
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
there wasn't enough
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how alone i felt in the middle of all these people
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling like i HAD to do things
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
talking about angels.. not making sense alot..
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she said she saw an angel watching over her
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would tell her i love her and that i wish i could have helped
her more.. that i could have taken away some of her pain
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i never saw anything but i hear her whisper "its ok baby girl
dont cry"
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i'm afraid of dying.. i dont want the people around me to feel the
pain i felt
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
therapist
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
my friends came over etc
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jun 20 16:49:16 2001
F30 in albany, ny =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 1 year ago ago.
Cause of Death: prematurity; Aged: 28 days.
--Details:
It was my son and two daughters born prematurely. All three died
after life support techniques failed. Each died on a different day,
one week apart from the other.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the great darkness, the great separater. Nothingness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was to young to care....
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great grandmother died when I was about
6 years old. I didn't understand the concept of death at all. My
response was "so what!"
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feelings of helplessness, futility, and great, great loss, pain so
bad it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is not a scary thing. That we are born and then we die
and we are reborn again. Death is not the end, only through our
earthy eyes, we see this. The ones who pass away don't suffer,
we cry for ourselves who have to go on living without our loved ones.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the strength it has cultivated, the depth
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
religious views on after life
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the pain of loss, the emptiness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
your presence is essential, you can help the person pass over
into the next world without fear, your presence is stabilizing
and comforting
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to pick myself up of the floor and go on
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was informed that death was inevitable
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
"laughing" in the face of death helps you to be victorious over it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my children from birth to death, even if it
was just a few minutes more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
continue to function at all
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i felt the soul of my daughter leave her body (it was an actual
physical "weight" loss)
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral and burial
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see others will healthy babies and i don't understand why mine
had to die when others live....
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i can't think about it; it is to painful
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did i have to wait so long to become pregnant and then to have
a triplet pregnancy just for all three of them to die???????? is
that fair?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
SCREAM!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was hysterical, not functioning
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
appreciation. The majority of doctors and nurses were excellent.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
being able to survive this tragedy intact.
--Religious Affiliation:
chassidic jewish
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i don't know
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't play a part... except for maybe wanting a nicer monument
than we could afford
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i didn't go to the funeral - couldn't handle it
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how much closer it brought me with my children
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
detachment from life
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being with someone who is dying is one of the greatest gifts you
can give a person
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
don't know except that my son had a huge smile on his face when
he died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
the only unresolved issues is the sadness for never being able to
hold and nurse my children - obviously they were too sick for that.
Maybe another baby someday will ease that emptiness and pain.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
to sad to think about
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
sometimes, i feel my babies with me. i just know that they are
there standing by my side (literally).
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
don't know
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
who cares... i have loved ones here and loved ones over there... i'll
live my life to the fullest here and when my time is up i'll join
my children over there.....
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
we include our children in our lives. we celebrate their birthdays,
etc... they are full memembers of our family.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
a certain mind set - to release wanting to control everything,
to go with the flow
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
100% - you really find out who your friends are - and those who have
also lost a child climb out of the woodwork and we are fast friends.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i find my story gives other people hope even if they have not
suffered the loss that i have. it is comforting to find that
particular kind of meaning in death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i'm blocking out my feelings so kinda answering by rote.
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Tue Jun 19 20:17:38 2001
F35 in Glens Falls, New York =USA=
Name: Marie A Edson-Fleming
Email: <mef=at=capital.net>
Web: http://WWW.capitalnet.com
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Registrar
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More personal info:
Sometimes I really suicidal and I hate that. Everyone says what
about your husband,and your son. I want to scream what about me.
I'm sick of being so sad. And, being such a bad "little girl".
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: snowmobile accident; Aged: 35.
--Details:
Everyday I would walk into work and say, "Hi, Lab Lori." When I saw
her picture on the news I was devastated. I had just ordered Girl
Scout cookies from her the day before and she was bragging about
how proud her daughter was going to be of her. Lori and I weren't
best of friends but she was my "Lab Lori:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is so hard because you remember good and bad. Like with
my step father there were good times, and sometimes you slip and
say how is so and so. Woops! Sometimes you see someone who looks
like or does something that person did and it can really bring back
the memories. What makes it so hard is everyone handles death in
there own way, and noone has a right to make a judgement like my
mother did on me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died of cancer I was 12.
She was very sick for a long time. I didn't cry or anything.
I don't cry when someone dies. Anyways, my mom said that I didn't
love my gramma or care that she died; I did of course, but it was
a mute point. My sister was allowed to go to the wake she cried
she cared. I guess.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that gramma tifft always took us to Kentucky Fried Chicken when
she came up. That's what my little sister liked, and she always
took my older sister home with her for a week or two in the summer.
I don't think she liked me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I get very suicidal and I wish people would understand not justify
not hand me a razorblade, but understand the pain, and turmoil I am
in inside. I hurt so bad. I really believe it is the chicken who
lives, and the brave person who commits suicide. I just haven't
had the guts yet. I have all the supplies I just need the guts,
and the opportunity.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I would have gotten to know Lori alot better. I would have made
her a friend instead of an aquaintance.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Attend her wake and meet her family. She had a beautiful family.
I remember about 3 weeks before her death we had the department
christmas party and we danced and partied like it was 1999.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realize that they aren't coming back. Like "Lab Lori" I still walk
into work everday and look for her knowing she'll never be back.
THAT SUCKS!!!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I often wish that God would give me cancer or some horrible
untreatable disease. So that when I die my son won't know it's
suicide. I know he sees the self mutilation marks. He is 15 and
he's not stupid. He hears me purging. I just don't understand why
God doesn't say ok you give up I give up.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
When my step-father died I told the bastard he should have suffered
more, because what he did to me I will always suffer.
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Tue Jun 19 16:46:54 2001
M31 in Bloomington, Indiana =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: kidney cancer; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a continuation of life. Our bodies run out, but our souls live on
as the memories of thatj oerson in other people's minds. The worst
thing that can happen is that someone is forgotten.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not traumatized, but I could not look at the dead person lying
in the coffin.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my maternal grandmother's sister, one of the dearest people
in my heart.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much I realized I would miss her since I would not have any
new experiences with her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't the end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made me appreciate the memories I do have even more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the sadness I saw in everyone else
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
the feeling of loneliness in a dying person is unacceptable.
Be there, talk, and make the dying person's last days/weeks/months
as pleasant for that person as possible.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cherish the memories I have of her.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't mourn as emotionally as I had expected.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
if someone can make you laugh when they are gone, then they have
touched you in a special way and that's wonderful.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stay with her for the five months she was in the hospital, but
since I live out of state, I could see her only when I was free.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend 31 years with her and have so many wonderful memeories.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get an answer from her when I talk to or think about her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
found an inner peace. Now, instead of being neurotic about her
death, I am only emotional.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did what they could.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they did all they could and made her last few months less painful
for her and less stressful for us.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having a mom-physical base for emotion and comfort.
--Religious Affiliation:
Judaism
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We all have souls and they are immortal. However, the soul is not
immortal in that it goes to Heaven and "lives" there for eternity.
Instead, the soul is immortal because people remember who the person
was. The body may be gone, but the memories are always there.
The fact that the person is remembered by someone makes the soul
immortal.
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral was too expensive, more the fault of the undertaker
than because of any of the decisions we made.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that my father was there for me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that we made friends with a woman in the hospital whose mother
was dying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
make as many memories as you can before death. You can't make any
more once the person is gone.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had none.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
The only regret I have is a promise I made to my grandmother on
her deathbed. Am I still honorbound to the promise, or can I break
it if it makes me happier/better?
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Once my grandmother came to comfort me when I was really down after
thinking about her being gone. I swear I felt her put her arms
around me and comfort me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
What the person who is dying wants is paramount. If the survivors
do not like what the dying person wants, the dying person should
ask someone whom he/she knows will fulfill his/her wishes as he/she
wants them to to fulfill those wishes. The survivors do not have
the right to put their feelings above the dying person's or to
usurp their wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I fear dying, though I don't fear death. I have not done everything
I expect to do to have what I feel is a complete and fulfilling life,
so I cannot leave the Earth yet.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My grandmother was supposed to die within weeks, but she lived for
another five months! So, when she did die, I had already passed
through many of the stages of mourning, and I look at the extra
time as a blessing and a gift.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My mother became close friends with the daughter of my grandmother's
roommate.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My family and I are evry close, so we acted as emotional supports
for each other.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'm happy to help you by expressing my feelings, but if the purpose
of the questionnaire is to make me think about dying and death,
it really didn't since I have already thought about the questions
that applied to my particular case.
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Tue Jun 19 16:22:14 2001
M25 in Madison, Wisconsin =USA=
Name: Jen
Email: <jmdeboef=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Financial Specialist for the State
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Parents, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 46/54.
--Details:
My mother, father, and grandmother were going to visit my grandfather
in the hospital and a semi truck pushed them off an exit ramp into
the woods below them. My mother died instantly, my father and
grandmother later that day. My younger brother was also in the
accident, but was saved when my father landed on top of him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
letting go of all worries, of everything troubling you and escaping
to your own place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really know too much about it. i was only 5 when my fathers
dad died.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother, father, and grandmother died in a car accident a year ago.
A week later my grandfather, who they were going to see in the
hospital, died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my chest feeling like it was going to cave in for months after
the fact.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
don't force people to think that they're going to go to heaven or
hell when they die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i will never be grateful about anything concerning my family's death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being by myself so I could cry and not worry about how someone else
is feeling.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Being with someone at the time that didn't care either way what
happened to me or how i was feeling.
--Religious Affiliation:
I don't practice a religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
When I die, I'll let you know.
--Regarding MONEY:
There was no issues with money involved in my parents death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I couldn't go to my parents funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The whole thing in general. I didn't think that would ever happen.
At least not like, that and not so soon. My mom will never have
a chance to be a grandmother, my dad will never give me away at
my wedding.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weakness.. tired.. not eating.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I wouldn't necessarily call it having her come back, but i have
dreams about my mom. they usually all turn out with her not hearing
me call out to her, and she just turns and walks away from me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i took long walks, at night by myself.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
I try not to think about how my whole world was taken away within
minutes.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
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Mon Jun 18 15:11:52 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo search for surveys
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 47.
--Details:
it sucked
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ceasing of the heart to beat and lungs to respire.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was really, really, really sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
My dad died of a heart attack in 1994.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wondering if I would ever see him again.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
The afterlife, heaven or hell.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
realization that I could be a better son.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
Christianity helped a bit
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
Kept daydreaming
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Thu Jun 14 00:06:37 2001
F25 in , CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahooo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 16.
--Details:
My friend in high school was murdered by her boyfriend. We weren't
really close friends, more like acquaintances I guess, but I had
known her since I was a little kid. It was a horrible, violent
death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of life as we know it on this planet. Our bodies and
minds cease to work.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not fully grasp the reality of it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was I had a family friend who died. He was an older
man (maybe in his 50's) who knew me from birth. This was the first
time I remember attending a funeral or anything. Maybe I was 10
or so.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of the world being so unfair. That someone so young
with so much ahead of them could die.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is natural and should not be so feared. I deal with death
on an almost daily basis in my job. It is the pain and suffering
in life that we should fear, not the peaceful ending that we can
acheive in death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how in our culture we tend to turn the dead into saints. Although
you may love someone dearly, they still do have flaws. That is
what makes us human and so loveable.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
Too young to really understand and not that close to the person to
have it affect me
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Tue Jun 12 12:36:18 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia; Aged: 52.
--Details:
I was with her when she died and I believe she waited for me
to arrive
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my uncle died
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Mon Jun 11 17:40:20 2001
F25 in Staten Island, New York =USA=
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Prof/Studies: teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 82.
--Details:
I knew he was not douing well. He was intabated on December 8th.
I never got to speak to him. This is the hardest thing that I have to
deal with. I sat by his bed for 5 days trying to say my good byes.
This helped a little. I just wish I could hear his cute voice again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is an ending of a beautiful thing, life. It is also a new
beginning (or so I hope). It is not possible for someone to be born
and then be nothing left of him/her. It is something traumatic and
difficult for loved oes to deal with. It is never easy to let go
of someone you love so much. But the memories make you happy and
remember what a truly great person you were able to encounter.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't really affected by it. It was my great-grandmother who
was 97 years old. She lived a full happy life, or so I think.
I wasn't really close to her so it was easier for me to handle.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandfather died at age 82. He got very
sick six months before he passed away. He passed away on December
13, my grandmothers birthday.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
what a truly wonderful person my grandfather was. Every one
was deeply saddened. My whole family was turned upside down.
My sister being the worst one. she went into a deep depression.
My grandmother and mother were not so much better. My brother,
my father and I tried to stay strong for everyone else. I kep
it all bottled up inside. I guess I didn't really believe it.
The more time goes on, the more I know that I won't see him for a
long time. This makes me extremely upset becausehe was the only
affectionate person in my house. I guess the most sensitive to
my feelings. I don't know any way I feel guilty that I distanced
myself from him the last 6 months of his life. I also grew very
intolerant. I guess for some reasomn I thought he wasn't tat sick.
Oh was I wrong.. So I sit here today feeling guilty for not saying
sorry, I love you and miss you always. I love you popa.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that there really is a better place that people go to when they die.
A more peaceful, less stressful environment.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
On January 7th my mother and I were in a horrific accident around
the corner from my house. A lady was driving and hit us on the
passenger side. My air bag came out. The car spun atleast 4 times.
My life went before my eyes. My gauardian angel, my grandfather
saved my life. This accident has made e realize I need to try to
take better care of myself.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
I speak to him almost every day. I look at his pictures; a reminder
of how amazing he was.
I just can't believe he isn't here to share my happiness. I guess
it is selfishness.
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Sun Jun 10 21:32:50 2001
F20 in , =Singapore=
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Surfing the net through the links they provide.
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetan book of the death and dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sogyal Rinpoche
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: irresponsible diver knocking down the dog; Aged: 8.
--Details:
... More then words can say..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
dying. Nothing is left but only the body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
know I fear death and I am now trying to face it. Be brave to be,
be brave is me.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Grandmother... the 1st time I experience death in my family. she
passed away.. still... not moving.. I felt so helpless... and I
am wondering what on earth is happeneing. I could not speak. I
want to cry but I couldn't.. no tears flows down.They seems to
have frozen. At that moment, how I wish that I could cry. At
least I will not feel so helpless.. seeing a body not moving not
speaking... nothing... nothing.. I begin to wonder if she can hear
what I am saying. Can she feel me? Where have she gone.. what is
afterlife... this really strikes me so hard. No longer trust the
word permament.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Death is a simple thing but it is a horrible experience.
--What I think my (Singapore) culture needs to better learn about death is:
you can't escape from it. Never.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learn to cherish life from death. Life is beautiful. Always
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own self... My mind, my thoughts.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my love for him/her... my thoughts, my promises that never come true.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Live life
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Learn not to hold on too much when you still have them.. learn to
let go... hide the memories in the deep bottom of your heart never
to reach them not even youself...miss them but let them go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The questions about life. Before and afterlife.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Learn to live and let go and right now I am still learning.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
witness it... learn it feel it and be part of it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Fear of death
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
What to do with the remains of the body, the will of the dead.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I get so depressed and start to do some soul searching and some
reflections and start to appreciate life and the beauty it brings
to me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
they are all imagination and illusion. Nothing is real... Nothing
is permament ... all things are impermament.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
nothing in this world is fair anyway.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
...... what can I do? Life still goes on. The sun still rises
and sets.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They have tried their best.
--Religious Affiliation:
My religion is Buddhism... The teachings is actually daily life.. :)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
.... More than words can say... feel it...check it.. you know it!
--Regarding MONEY:
Money cause fighting, disagreement...but without it, things wil be
difficuit too.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The tears of loved ones.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
to accept death and the fear of death I have in me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Live life... and learn to let go.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say Thank you. They teach me a precious lesson on life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am looking forward to it with open hands... and I am still
learning... hoping I cando it.. And I always believe... I will
know the feeling only when I died. I want to experience the kind
of feeling...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
Pondering over questions... and I am most greatly to my religious
teacher who help me so much during this painful process.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Hmm... It does help... Thank you... because I realise that The
wonderful memories are right deep in one corner of my heart. I
miss them.. I love them.. They have taught me something called
"emotions". Feel it.. often more than words can say.
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Wed Jun 6 23:51:04 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a good friend died of two strokes.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Wed Jun 6 20:14:43 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: Rare form of Lukemia caused by Agent Orange from the Vietnam war;
Aged: 53.
--Details:
It was hard to watch him go through all of the pain and suffering
and especially to watch how it affected not only him but the people
who cared around him. Especially my two cousins and my Aunt.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is like
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 16 years old and it was a good friend of mine.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My friend had died when we were Sophmores
in high school. Of a rare blood diease.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
at the grave site when they played the salute/farewell from the
marines/or service people and hearing the three shots being fired
into the air. Also the presentation of the American Flag that was
handed to my Aunt and my cousins, and then my uncles service uniform,
it was really sad to watch all this happening. To think someone so
full of life at one time who was now in a coffin and who had faught
the disease for so many years and eventually lost, but never gave
up even at the end he faught like the true soilder he was.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it's a part of life and should be a celebration of the life that
is being taken to the hands of God and not looked at as a sad, awful,
and horrendus thing. Even if the death was cruel and horrified.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that after my Uncle died he really opened my eyes to what i wanted
to do. That is work with those that are terminally ill and thier
families and to let them know that even if there isn't hope to live
that they will always have comfort and someone there who cares and
too take care of them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
To play soccer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that they were gone and I will never see them again and
also thinking of all the memories we had shared and to know that
I would never share memories with that person ever again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To always make them feel comfortable and to always make them lauch
and smile.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
THe next day after it happened and I thought that they were still
there, but they weren't
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing made it all better. Because when i did laugh they all
laughed with me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be there through the whole five years.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there with my family and that we all stayed strong for each other.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
took time by myself to evaluate the situation and what was going
on and that it wasn't going to change.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
the fact that no one close to me had ever died before.
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Wed Jun 6 18:07:43 2001
F17 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More personal info:
It has been only a month and a half. I still feel like he'll
be back...
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, this yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a virus; Aged: 14.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that is irreversable. One day, in an instant your life
changes. Someone very close to you, or someone very distant from
you could be gone forever, and you are left to pick up all the
pieces as the world keeps moving.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wanted the whole world to stop, just so I could have a chance to deal
with it. But school continued, life continues. That's the hardest
part. You have to keep going on as if everything is all right.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...one of my best friends from church died
without warning of a virus that was never detected (he was 14)
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
touching his casket, and not being able to be strong. I felt so
weak. My hand was shaking so bad. I dropped a rose on it, but i
didn't want to let it go.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
everywhere.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
getting closer to friends going through same thing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just remembering him, and spending time alone to think.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I would never see him again. Never see his smile, never
hear his laugh. Never again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You have to let them know how much you love them, and care.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much he has made an impact on my life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young!!!!!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Nothing can make me get over it. Sometimes I have really bad
days where I miss him so much, and other days I think about other
stuff. What really helps is remembering how great he was, and that
I was blessed to have him in my life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I was in total shock for days, until I saw his casket. Sometimes,
I still think he's alive.
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Wed Jun 6 12:29:25 2001
M49 in KaraCHI, Sindh =Pakistan=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Service
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More personal info:
I need help for cure
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
easy
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i had heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
very difficult
--What I think my (Pakistan) culture needs to better learn about death is:
process of nature
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
god
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
pain
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
god
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became old and received to death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
quit
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I'm painted but any time can be received again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
came me chance of death with heart attack
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
heart pain
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how i was had heart pain when every thing normal Blood
pressure-suger- cholestorle
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
it pain hard
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for death
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was terrified
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
treatment
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
god & goddes
--Religious Affiliation:
devta in Hindu religion
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
egoism
--Regarding MONEY:
oh yes
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
no
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when heart pain
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
to feel
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
real feelings
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I remembered the asngle (devta) in Hindu religion
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
good angle
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
lovely
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
sampathy
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I was saying about my devta
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
saw an angle
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
heaven on earth
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: at what age
How'd I do? How well
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
good
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
most
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
is death a sorrow
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Mon Jun 4 04:47:18 2001
F24 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 10.
--Details:
Jackie and Tom lived with us, and were like siblings. I was 17
and a delivery truck hit the car I was driving, killing Jackie and
severely injuring Tom. I got 5 stitches.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my granny died of a heart attact when I was 5.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a bystander busted out a video camera and started recording the
scene. I tried to get away from the paramedics to stop them, and
they had to restrain me.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a natural part of life. Worrying about it is like worrying
about the tides. When it's time, it's going to happen no matter
what you do. Why fret over something that is inevatable.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometimes it's laugh or cry. And sometimes you run out of tears.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The embalmed body was horribly unnatural. Not only was it not Jackie,
it wasn't human.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Seeing the casket go into the ground.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I wasn't hurt.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
When I was 11, I fell off the monkey bars at school and fractured
my kidney and ruptured my spleen. I nearly died of internal
bleeding. You know when you're in mortal pain. I accepted it
peacefully and have never been afraid of my own death. I do fear
getting old.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I think you brain does it's best to heal you. No one can lie to
you like yourself. You know exactly what you need to hear.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't want to be embalmed. I say strip me for parts and burn
the rest.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't fear death. I do fear getting old or dying in a painful
manner.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
I had pet death experence
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
I didn't get to go.
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Sun Jun 3 06:43:23 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Just looking at different questionaires on the net!
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 9yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 49.
--Details:
It was her own fault as she decided to just leave her illness and
not seek medical help.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your body canot go on any more. When all that brings the body to
life such as the soul, mind leave the body so it cant move, talk etc.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
coped quite well considering. I was 8 and shouldn't really have
had to deal with that at that young an age.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mum died from cancer when i was 8. She
was a single mum and i dont know my dad so it was a real blow to me!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my brothers being more upset than me and turning to me for comfort
even though im less than half their age.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that its not that bad! Its not something people should get so
depressed about! It happens to everyone eventually just some
before others.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That it put her out of all her suffering!an left her in peace which
she deserved considering her tough life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that they were not going to be there ever again
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I just knew she was going to die anyway so i prepared myself
i suppose.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Thoughts of my future without her.
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Fri Jun 1 11:54:12 2001
F25 in Somerset, KY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: farming accident; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A void that makes your heart hurt to the core. The void will
always remain and as you go thru life there are things that will
bring emotions flooding back and make the crack in your heart just
a little bit bigger. You can never rebuild your heart. you feel a
loss of control knowing that a realtionship has ended and you will
never again feel that person's hands on your shoulder, smell their
essence, or hear their voice. And you try everyway to perseve all
they possessed. It is a life changing experience and a time for
personal growth if you ever hope to live again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a child and my parents explained what death was and what
happens when we die. I was told not to be afraid of the body in
the casket because that was just an empty shell and their spirit was
already gone. They were very honest and I was never afraid of death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...an uncle died and I was taken to the viewing
and funeral by my mother.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Feeling out of control. My soul aches. I lost my father and lashed
out at any man who tried to get close to me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to keep children in the dark about death. Be honest with them
because they understand more than you know. I have friends in
their 20s who have never been to a funeral because their parents
sheltered them and they fear death, funerals, graveyards, and are
often more supersitious.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brings people closer: they share stories, allow barriers to come
down, and help support one another thru this tough time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My true friends...not the people who invade your home and privacy for
a week after the funeral and then dissapear into thin air when they
think they have recovered and done enough to satisfy their own gulit.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that i was never going to be the same person i had grown up
defining myself by. I was never again going to be Daddy's little
girl...my whole label and life changed in an instant
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned about personal growth. In order to keep my Father's memories
and life lessons alive inside myself I decided not to be stagnat
but to grow into the woman I knew he would want me to be.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My Mother once remarked that it was my fault and I had killed him,
even thought I was no where around when he died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Everything seemed to be like a scene from a bad movie, it was so
unreal and out of control. I had cried until my soul was dry and
the only emotion I hadn't exhausted was laughter. I felt like if
I didn't laugh I would just shatter into a million pieces.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hlep my Mom deal with his death more. We grew apart and stopped
communicating for over a year and it just made the siutation worse.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See the light at the end of the tunnel and not give in to the
weakness of wanting to kill myself.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My brother's wife became pregnant during the grieveing period.
It is an "old wives tale" that one family member dies to make room
for a new one. When she was born she looked just like my dad and
she acts just like me as I was growing up.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
My Dad had been in worse farming accidents than this one and had
made it thru, but not this time...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel most vurnable in my life.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If he was still alive would I have made the same choices in
life...would I have married who I did, would he approve, I most
certainly wouldn't have eloped! Would I have moved so far away
from home?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I was a teenager and I tried to justify what I had done that was
so evil to make me pay this much. I wasn't a bad teenager before
his death by any means so I had problems trying to rationalize
everything. I came to the realization that it was impossible!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to him and have him hold me one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to die. I just wanted to be close to my Dad again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The only bad thing that i have to say about the medical community
in regards to my Dad's death is that I wish they wouldn't have told
me he was still hanging in there and they thought they could save
him...he was dead upon impact! To this day when alot of recuse
vehiles pass me on the road with horn and lights going I flash back
to the day he died.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My church family was very supportive: they thought of things that
were far from my mind like eating food, sleep, and getting myself
out of my pajamas.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist..not to be confused with southern baptist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I feel my Dad near me. I think part of his spirit remains in me
and maybe some was sent to be born with my niece.
--Regarding MONEY:
My parents had already taken care of the financal aspects in case
one of them died so that really wasn't an issue to be dealt with.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
More people than I knew had been touched by my Dad. Everyone paid
their respects and the funeral was very personal.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I felt more like I was helping others grieve than going them helping
me thru the process.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Not applicable.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
His death was sudden and unexpected so there was no step by step
process. I think I was in total denial for a year in regards to
the grieveing process. I thought if I didn't heal it would somehow
keep him nearer.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My Dad had dropped me off early that morning to take the SAT when I
left the vehicle I forgot to tell him bye so I turned around and went
back and told him good-bye and that I loved him. Sometime during the
test I suddenly bolted upright in my chair and my hands flew open.
My friend asked me what was wrong and I told her I didn't know. I
later found out that at that moment was when my Dad died.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues. Of course I wish I would have told
him I loved him more, not rushed thru my teenage days with him,
and kissed his scruffy cheek more..but I think that is common
for everyone.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him how much I love him, refresh old memories so they
don't fade to black and white, make sure he was proud of me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Sometimes out of the corner of my eye I see him in a crowd and I
take another look and know it was just my heart playing with my
imagination. But he always has his blue work uniform on and he is
either looking right at me or I catch a side glimpse of him and he
is walking away.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
You should make sure you document and tell at least two people
how you want to be buried, organ donations, life support issues,
and belongins.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have no problems with death. I know this world is just a waiting
place so I have come to terms with death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went to the exact place he died and had a long talk with him about
what had happened and what I should do with my life from that point
on...then I cried until I was hollow.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to do things I know would make my Dad smile, I talk to him
in the night when things are still and the world is quiet.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have a strong connection with an ex-boyfriend who my Dad
liked alot. To this day he can read me like a book and we have an
unspoken connection which was made stronger as he tried to help me
thru this process.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I had close friends who reached out to me and I rejected and pushed
them away. I wasn't ready to heal but I am thankful they stuck
by me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was helpful to admit some of the thoughts and feelings I had
that I wouldn't normally share with others.
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See May 01 contributions.
See Apr 01 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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