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See Current contributions.
See Feb 01 contributions.
See Jan 01 contributions.
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Fri Mar 30 14:11:12 2001
F38 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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More personal info:
go ahead and post any info you have
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 1/2 mos ago.
Cause of Death: complications of pnuemonia; Aged: 60.
--Details:
her organs failed, my dad and I talked about taking her off the
life support machines, which we did
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
our bodies wear out or we are ill or have an accident, which our
physical body cannot heal from.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused. I knew that dead meant no-one would ever see you
again and that was it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was a next door neighbor who died of cancer,
I remember he died after getting a "rubber"stomach.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the look in Moms eyes as she died, I was stroking her hair and
holding her hand, telling her we would be ok and to let go and
quit fighting. The "light" in her eyes faded, sometimes I can
still see her eyes and it haunts me.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
be more open about it, feel free to grieve, not be so "closed"
or feel it is a totally "bad" thing. It is part of the life cycle.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my Mom is no longer in physical agony,
that She and I were
close at the time of her death.
That the last time I spoke
to her, the words were I love you.
That I had her for a mother,
she did a lot of good things to help people
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I am an addict in recovery. My recovery friends just listening
and crying with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I will never see her again, that she is no longer there to
talk to and laugh with.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dont be afraid to touch them,or talk to them. Make the place where
they die as homey as possible. Give them dignity, even in death.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am quitting saving stuff for a "special occasion". My Mom wore a
fancy western shirt(that she bought 5 yrs ago)at the time of her
death. She had never worn it before then cuz she was saving it.
Same with her new set of china that she got for Xmas. She saved
it and died before she could use it. It makes me angry to think
about that too.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my Dad would cry and all I could do was cry with him. Also none
of my Moms " church friends" came by or called. 2 of them came to
Memorial service and that was it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I've thought that it was Mom and her dark humor, helping me to
lighten up a little bit.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to Moms bedside before she went into the coma, I was trapped
in Airport overnight due to bad weather.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there. And to give Mom some "touches" of home before she died.
That I was able to get my brother out from prison for the service.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had them put Moms dentures in. so she could die with some
dignity. I also tried to fix her hair for her. Maybe those little
things were just important to me??
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having a big fancy funeral. we had a memorial service for my Mom.
She always said she didn't want people looking at her dead and
making comments.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I find things of hers or see something she would like..and I DO cry..
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't know..I really don't see much changing from the way it was.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that Mom didnt live to see my first grandchild (due this May)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
crawl into a hole and hide and cry.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
picked up the phone after coming home, and went to call Mom. I knew
she wouldn't be there to answer the phone
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
well, I was not happy with the Dr, because I was in another state,
and he didn't return my phone calls. I hardly got a straight answer
when I did call the Hospital. I almost punched a nurse for making
the comment of"She doesn't know what is going on anyway" when I was
out of Moms room. Over all tho, the Staff was very supportive and
helpful during Moms last hours. I did wonder why they kept wanting
to do things that were usless like taking Moms blood sugar...
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I wish she hadn't of died in a Hospital. She wanted to die at home
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Oh, I am NOT real happy with her church. She was a very faithful
member and the family was pretty much ignored by the other members.
--Religious Affiliation:
LDS.Past) (Mom was LDS too)
--Regarding MONEY:
a family member stole a check and forged and cashed it...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was about Moms life and what she did for others.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
gee maybe the life support machines?..sorry...:)
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel good about the relationship with my Mom. I didn't have
anything that hadnt been "taken care of"
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If I could, I want to know if she knew I was there, did she feel
any pain at her death? Is where she is now a good place?
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
make sure your last wishes are somewhere on paper where they can
be found. write down EVERYThing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not in a big hurry, I am not afraid of it tho.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
I recall no one wanting to talk about it..
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it helped, just talking about it.
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Fri Mar 30 14:01:36 2001
F32 in Dallas, tx =usa=
Name: Lisa
Email: <krautgirl=at=ivebeenframed.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: english teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, yrs20 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 70.
--Details:
My aunt annie who is mentally unstable, was living with my
grandmother at the time of her death. They had an argument that
led to my grandmothers death
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--Death Is:
a process, just like being born. Being born also means to die. It's
the ceasing of one live, to begin another.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 14yrs.old. It was sort of like i was watching it happen to
someone else. Somethings i remember clearly, and somethings are
fuzzy, like a dream.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died of a heart attack when
i was 14. She was very special, and i didn't want to believe it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The way my mother broke down. I felt like she wasn't going to make
it through.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That person you love has moved on with another part of their
exsistence. The body is just a shell.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
To always tell people how much you love them, because you may not
get another chance.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to turn back the clock to say i love you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wasn't confused. To be absent from the body, is to be present
with the lord.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell her what a wonder woman she was, and how very much i love her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be strong when it counted.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see my son laughing, and she's not here to see it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
....I didn't have enough time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Sit down and talk to her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Just cried.
--Religious Affiliation:
Born again christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We all came from god, and we will all go BACK to him. We are HIS
children.
--Regarding MONEY:
My mother and i didn't have the money to fly to new york for the
funeral. we were living in texas at the time.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel i have made peace with my guilt. I was only 14yrs.old when
she called me for what would be the last time. I was so rude to
her.....BUT, i was 14!! I was behaving like any smart-ass know-it-all
teenager, and i know she knows that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just to have her say she forgives me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes, the day my grandmother died, that night i had a dream. in it, my
grandmother was calling me on the phone telling me she was alright,
and for my mother not to worry!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Everyone should have a say in how they want to die. Death is a very
personal thing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want them to play "Higher" by Creed at my funeral.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just a long, good cry when i feel like i need to.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
beliving she was with christ. I still believe it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I still feel guilty about the last time i spoke with her. i was
rude to her over the phone. the next thing i knew, she was dead.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I would just be there for that person whenever they needed me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was a nice site, with good questions.
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Thu Mar 29 17:22:50 2001
F15 in Louisville, Kentucky =USA=
Name: Suzi
Email: <SuziQ12=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 40s.
--Details:
My aunt got sick last summer with lung, pancreatic, bone, and
other cancers. She died January 2, leaving her husband and kids
(my cousins whom i am very close to)
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--Death Is:
final.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelief...and very worried about my own family.
--That first time, how it happened was
One of my friend's mothers had a heart attack in the bathroom in
the middle of the night, hit her head on the counter and died.
I was in fourth grade. The girl had to move away because she lived
with her single mother before her death
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not crying until months later, when i realized that my aunt was
truly gone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not so terrible.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i learned to appreciate my family more dearly.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my parents
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
why she died at such a young age.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can deal with it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was trying to figure out why it happened.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was trying to make everyone feel better.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be a little nicer.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i saw the body, and it looked so empty.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the service.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about never seeing my aunt on earth again.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
ohh i have no idea.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she died so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
i dunno.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
broke down.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried their best.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it was heartbreaking.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place to turn.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very true.
--Regarding MONEY:
the service, casket, etc.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone was so upset.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not crying at the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
losing will to live.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i was at first in denial and disbelief...months later it hit
me....like a freight train.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my mom had an experience like that.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nope.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
my church and family.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
nope
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i have no idea.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
not really!
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i think about my aunt a lot
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Wed Mar 28 13:32:37 2001
F21 in St. Petersburg, Florida =USA=
Web: http://WWW.angelfire.com/fl2/weep
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Ran a search on surveys
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Prof/Studies: Real Estate but studying Forensics, pathology, and psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: Heroin Overdose; Aged: 19.
--Details:
A lot of us never knew that he was using Heroin. I had never known,
nor did I suspect it. I saw him and talked to him the night that
he died. Nothing seemed unusual, he hugged me and we chatted
for a few minutes. He and his girlfriend went home to shoot up
and she woke up the next day, and he did not.
At first I was in
extreme denial. Saying no, someone had the wrong information. But
then I was angry at him. And after that I was just sad.
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--Death Is:
The end of existance. The person that dies goes away. Their body
may be here for a short time but all that is them exits their body
and we never see them again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was six years old. I understood what was going on. I knew that
my grandfather was gone and I was sad and angry at my grandmother.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my grandfather that died, when I was
six years old. He died of colon cancer, so it was a long process.
It bothered me most when I went to the hospital and he didn't
recognize me, as we were very close.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The death of my grandfather when I was six. The thing I remember
most vividly is the fact that the funeral seemed surreal. It didn't
seem like it was really him at the wake. And then It seemed like
something out of the movies. Each grandchild carried something
of importance to him up to the altar at the church. The funeral
was on a gray day, and the words ashes to ashes dust to dust sent
shivers down my spine and to this day still unnerves me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Being sensitive to the way that it affects other people. Everyone
reacts differently to death and no one should be given a hard time
in addition to their greif for the way that they react.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandfather's death was to him, morally his only way to escape
my grandmother's evil ways. And I am happy for his release.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being left a lone at first and being able to cry. And then later
having someone to talk to.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not having the person to be with anymore.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I think that sometimes we laugh as a way to deal with horrible
things and that it's healthy sometimes.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be a good person through that persons life
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a song comes on that reminds me of a person or a time...music
reminds me the most of past experiences.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt a deep loss that I felt in my mind my heart and my stomach
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That we were going to see them in the New System of things, so the
grief wasn't as great. We had hope.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past affiliation was Jehovah's Witness. I am currently
wandering...lost, looking at Zen at the momemnt.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The actual life being snuffed out part...when the life left the
body. With certain people, I have known they were gone even before
the call.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Defeat in their eyes.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Once while I was somewhat younger I overdosed on drugs. While I was
out I was talking to God. He was explaining to me the meaning for
all things. The reason for existance and all the other questions
we as humans never seem to know. As I started to come back God was
aliens and they waved goodbye and took off in their space shuttle.
I can't remember what they said to me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandfather's spirit remains at my Uncle's Farmhouse, which
used to by my grandmother and grandfather's. People working the
feilds see him walking through, inspecting crops. My brother and
I have seen him walk up the stairs to the attic. My grandmother
said that he came to her room sometimes in the night and she would
wake to see him standing over her bed.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think that it's important to honor the rights and wishes of
the dying. Let them die happy. Let them die with honor and respect.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about death a lot, and I am afraid to die, but at the same
time I am not afraid of what will happen to me afterwards. IT's a
mystery, but something I will have to wait and see when I get there.
Everyday I am reminded of my own mortality. And I hope that when
I die it is quickly and mercifully.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Painting.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
At the funeral my grandmother scolded me for crying. Also the
funeral service freaked me out. I still have nightmares about
"Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust"
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
When friends die, I try to do something that they wanted to do
in life, for them. Or to volunteer at a hospital or group they
would be interested in. I also talk to others about the things
that I am going through so they know that they aren't alone in the
grief process.
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Tue Mar 27 11:30:46 2001
F18 in Waterford, Mi =us=
Name: Darlene
Email: <Lois172000=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1-1/2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 46.
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--Death Is:
a horrible thing for any individual to go through. It's like somone
waves a magic wond and you can no longer communicate as we are used
to with that idvidual. You feel lost but after a while the pain
subdues. you'll always miss the person but you learn to cope. death
as horrible as it is for the survivors can have many lessons.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was quite young. My grandpa who was my best friend died of cancer. I
felt lost. As soon as the nurse said he was gone i became violently
ill. I tried to remember all the good things and times we had
shared. As angry as i was with god for taking him from me i was very
happy that the person who i cared so much about would no longer be
in pain.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...both my grandpa, who was my best friend and
my uncle died of cancer within a few months of each other.
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Learning how to help children cope and realize how much honesty
plays a role in a childs experiance with death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
remembering the good times and trying to find the good in the
situation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being able to let go. that is the hardest part. Next to trying to
understand it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
bring up the good times and the funny stories. By all means i beleive
under NO circumstances should someone say "i know how you feel"
someone may know how they think it feels but no one has the exact
same relationship with another, therefore they dont know exactly
how it feels. comparing is fine saying "well i know when... I
felt..." but never does one fully understand.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
people can only stay kooked up in their heads for so long then you
have to break out and realize you still have yourself.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell them how i felt about them, tell them i love them one
more time,wished they would have been around to see my life
acomplishments.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
YOu must then ask yourself what would be fair?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
become an ostrach and burry my head in the sand for a while!
--Religious Affiliation:
i was a practicing christian but now i never go to church
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
as close as i was i didnt know anyone in the room except my family.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Both me and my Boyfriend lost people we truly cared about we
found that our experiances though seperate helped us to understand
each other.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i found it to be interesting it made me think and possibly look at
things in a different light.
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Tue Mar 27 01:06:36 2001
F49 in Phoenix, Arizona =USA=
Name: Jo Ann Muench
Email: <camelbackcat=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: former history professor
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kubler Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Parents, 2 1/2- 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: colon cancer/prostotate cancer/congestive heart failure; Aged:
69/80.
--Details:
Mother's death from colon cancer was totally unexpected and
swift. She was diagnosed in August of 1997 and died Jan. 8 1998.
Her physical deterioration was horrible to see, but her spirit
was strong and her mind was clear until the moment of her death.
She wanted to die at home and we used Hospice for the final
days of her life. Her death was very dignified, peaceful and
beautiful. Although we had a maid and nurses, much of the intimate
caregiving was left up to me. At the time I felt honored to be
able to help her in this way. Later, as grief deepened it left a
very strong and lingering feeling of horror. After Mom's burial,
I immediately had to begin dealing with my Dad who was already ill
with congestive heart failure and prostate cancer. His grief was so
acute that we were in constant fear that he might take his own life.
The five months between mom's death and dad's were a nightmare. I
could not grieve properly for mom because I was totally involved
with caring for my dad. Again, we had a maid, nurses etc. and
, again the emotional support etc. came from me. I felt guilt
because I often wished it would just end. He asked that Hospice be
brought in and his heart medications were discontinued. He died
at the Hospice Inpatient Facility very quickly, and peacefully.
I felt relief, grief, anger, and a total draining of emotions.
Looking back, I was sleep walking through those months. Today,
I remember them with love, with laughter and sometimes with tears.
The worst memories are beginning to fade.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a shifting from the physical plane to the spiritual plane. We don't
know exactly how it works, but something seems to survive physical
death. Some of us believe in an afterlife which is a great comfort.
However, I think we can be certain that the body is left behind and
some essential part of us survivies in some form. Perhaps death is
like being born. We move from one way of being to another.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a child and felt great fear about it. Not long afterwards, I
began to have what must have been panic attacks and became somewhat
of a hypochondriac. The
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my paternal grandmother died when I was 11.
At the time, my parents left for her funeral and did not involve
us children in any of the funeral activities. We were told that
she had died and little else. Looking back, I felt left out and
that , for some reason, I was not recognized as someone who might
grieve over her passing. Later, my parents said they had erred in
excluding us from the funeral, but they thought we were too young
to have to face such an event. And, I believe they were afraid to
let us see them cry. That was something we did not do in our family.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The way in which my mother and my father thanked me for being with
them through it all..for mom, it was the dignity with which she died;
for dad, it was the smile on his face as he died.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is part and parcel of life. We should not lock it away in
cold, antiseptic hospitals. Participating in the "death watch"
is difficult, yet it makes death seem less frightening and more of
what it is: our transformation.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The gift of being able to love and care for my parents; the time
we had to discuss and resolve all issues and to openly and freely
express our love, and the strong feeling I had that an afterlife
existed. I also learned that, contrary to my previous ideas, I was
a very strong person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Strangely, when Mom died, she was the greatest support to me. She
actively discussed her death and comforted me as she was dying.
Dad's death was helped by the knowledge that he was going where he
wanted to go. I did read all the books that I could find on the
process of death and dying, and on grief, and they were helpful.
My aunt was more than helpful as were two dear friends. Although my
brothers helped, there help was not enough...they had their own grief
to deal with. I found the clergy to be, in the main, very unhelpful.
They offered platitudes.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my parents, who had been so strong, and so beautiful
deteriorate bodily.. Also, it was very hard work to care for
them...physically hard and emotionally. Later, the hardest part
was adjusting to a world which was completely reordered and where
nothing was as it had been.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk to them. Hold them. Do not fear touching them. They need
that touch. Talk about death. Tell them how you feel and ask them
how they feel. At a certain point accept the inevitable and plan
and discuss it as a normal part of life. Most importantly, give
them permission to go, if they want. Let them know that you are
heartbroken, but that you will survive.
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was capable of doing things that I thought were beyond my
capacity....changing diapers, clothes, etc. All my sqeamishness
disappeared. I found that I focussed on each moment and enjoyed
those moments for themselves. I also learned about unselfish
love. Lastly, I had a remarkable spiritual awakening brought about
by being at their deathbeds.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It actually happened. I couldn't tell...nor could the nurses tell
me immediately whether they had died or had slipped into a coma.
I found myself insisting to the nurses in Hospice that they were
dead. It was my intuition..a sense that the soul had left the body,
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed, we all laughed. Sometimes we laughed to avoid tears,
but at other times, we laughed because we saw humor even in the
grimmest of situations. Laughter was a great release.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have changed my mother's gown and dressed her in a pretty robe
before the undertaker's came. She would have hated leaving the
house dressed as she was. With Dad, I wish I had stayed with his
body longer. I was so tired and emotionally wiped out, that I left
the Hospice within a few minutes after his death and let Hospice
arrange for the transfer of his body. I also wish I'd viewed my
Mom's body in the casket. She was so destroyed by cancer that
I thought I did not want to see her like that again. However,
I viewed Dad's body and found it comforting.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Keep mom at home until her death and living a more or less normal
routine up until the last day. I'm thankful that we were able
to talk and to cry and to touch. With Dad, I'm grateful we could
break through the barriers and express our love for one another.
Two nights before his death, I asked if I could crawl in his lap
like a little girl. I sat there and cried and he patted me on the
back. We both felt like we had when I was a child.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I began to notice, a few days before they died, that they were,
seemingly, moving in and out of this world. They'd talk to their
dead relatives etc. I felt they were sometimes here and sometimes
there (wherever there may be)
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Leaving the casket behind at the cemetery. I had no connection
anymore with the shell that was once THEM.I
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember a way of life that just has vanished.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
that's one I can't answer. There deaths changed my life so much
that I can't imagine another reality. After they died, I was
financially able to leave the small town I'd always hated and moved
to a beautiful resort city where I married the kind of man I should
have been married to all along.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my beautiful, health-conscious, young mother should die before
my Dad who had been near death for several years.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have Dad back as the "fixer" and my Mom back as my confidante.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
woke one night about 6 months later and found myself completely
immobilized. Everyone had said how spectacularly I had done;
yet, I suddenly could not work, could not sleep, could not move.
Fortunately, I was able to get in touch with a psychiatrist
almost immediately and he diagnosed a clinical depression and
began appropriate treatment. I took a leave of absence from my very
demanding job and allowed myself to just BE for a period of time. I
needed this time to heal.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Except for one wonderful doctor, I have nothing but contempt for
the doctors we met outside of hospice. They gave us little or no
information, treated the dying as if they were no longer human
and generally made our problems much worse. That is why we chose
Hospice. Under no circumstances did my parents (or us children)
want them to return to the hospital.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Our contact was brief because we did not call them in until the
last minute. They were very helpful in arranging drugs, equipment
etc. BUT I felt that, in mom's home death, there should have been
a hospice representative with us. And, when Dad died, I had to find
the nurses and convince them that he was dying.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I received strength from the nuns at the Catholic hospital that they
were in much of the time and I had great help from an iconoclastic
retired pastor. The general clergy were not helpful. They were
afraid of death and acted much as the doctors had. Strange huh?
--Religious Affiliation:
Past non-practicing Methodist/ current: practicing Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
exactly like what occurred. What happened was bigger than some
kind of denominational relgion. It was mystical, it was spiritual,
it was part of some huge universal experience
--Regarding MONEY:
money was a source of comfort: we had the money to assure them
home care, nurses, maids etc. After their death, my brothers and I
found ourselves wealthy and able to have more choices in our life.
We saw this as a gift from my parents and didn't feel guilt over
having the money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My mom's funeral was in the Church. We sat with the congregation
and it was a beautiful sense of sharing as I looked around and saw
all the friends etc. ...some in tears.My Dad's funeral was in a
funeral home chapel and we sat apart in a family room. This was a
mistake. It distanced us from the congregation and we didn't have
the sense of participation.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How calm and rational I was. How my mind was so logical and orderly.
Then, how I was almost "high" with the joy of what I saw was,
for them, a better life.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
apnea, cyanosis, the mucus gathering in the throat, pooling of blood,
lack of appetite etc.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
The grieving process wasn't some orderly process. It zigged and
zagged. I still can't tell you what part of the grieving process
I am in.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
In both cases, they saw dead loved ones. My mother saw the Blessed
Mother. At Dad's death, I saw a shimmering light at the end of
his bed. I immediately said "mother". Then, he died smiling.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I've never had a near death experience nor has anyone I know well.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I truly feel that I was one of the fortunate few who was able to
resolve all issues before their death.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd want to hear them say I'd done the best I could. And, regarding
my divorce and remarriage, I'd like to know that they understood..
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
For several weeks after Mom's death, the lights kept going out.
Later, we'd think about her and see a hummingbird. The wind chimes
would ring without wind. Even today, I sometimes smell roses for
no reason. I've dreamed of both of them several times with great
clarity in which they held me, reassured me. In those dreams,
I felt that I was definately meeting with them.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Type of funeral and disposal of the body.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My fear of death has lessened. Although I don't look forward to it
anytime soon...I feel comfort and reassurance in my belief that we
will be reunited in death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
It's not creative, but I'd talk out loud to them. I'd hold something
of theirs and close my eyes.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I inherited my parents home, their cars, their furniture, mom's
jewelry. Although I no longer live in their house, I still
wear mom's ring, and their furniture is all around me. This is
very comforting. Certain sayings of theirs remain a part of my
vocabulary.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
A good friend became my closest friend and my oldest and dearest
friend became much less close. My husband and I became totally
alienated from one another and divorced. I've remarried and my
mother in law has become very dear to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
To help me, they could have let me talk about the events as much
as I wanted. I had a need to go over and over the event in my mind.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This helped me reaffirm the thoughts that I had that we were very
fortunate to have experienced death in the manner we did.
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Mon Mar 26 20:39:55 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
The Papyrus of Ani
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: asfixiation; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A departure of the conciousness to a higher plane of existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was oblivious
--That first time, how it happened was
A friend was trying to scare some other friends by making it look
as though he had hanged himself and accidentally did hang himself.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my friend's anger
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
What it is
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Sun Mar 25 13:51:47 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
when i search for it this is what came up
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 1/2 years ago.
Cause of Death: sickness; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when people leave this earth and go up to heaven. it is a
very hard thing to deal with. the hardest thing is trying to figure
out why they had to leave his earth and what has really happened
to them. i dont think it would be as scary if we only knew what
happened to the people we love after they leave us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13 years old. I knew people who died before that but this was
the first time that someone very close to me died.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother was sick and then she got
better. the day before we where going to take her home she got very
sick and died the next day
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How sad and scary death really is. And how much people hurt.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
what really happenes to you when you die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That when people get sick and they are in alot of pain and there
is no hope for them iam thankful that when they die they will feel
no more pain and that they are at peace.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking with people and sharing the memories that we had with her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the pain that i felt. i couldnt understanmd why god choose to take
her away from me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That they know how much people really loved them and to tell them
that we will me ok down here on earth.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
That everyone has to die sometime
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people get really sick and then just die and you dont have time to
say goodbye.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never flt like that
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye. I never got to tell my grandmother just how much i
loved her and to say goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
finally realize that death happened to eveyone and that when someone
close to you dies that doesnt mean you are going to die then.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when i really stop and think about that she is really dead and
never coming back.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to leave us
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It took me awhile to realize that she was really gone. When it
finally hit me it was very hard but then i just remembered that
she was in heaven and felt no more pain
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
My friends and family and counseling
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Sat Mar 24 19:05:11 2001
F37 in glendale, az =maricopa=
Name: beth
Email: <badams1963=at=home.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: cashier/mom
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More personal info:
I lost a sister that was 24 and a brother that was 34.I wish i
could say I have delt with it. But I am not sure I have. It still
hurts to bad.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 20 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: medication; Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
It was an aunt that had been very ill for a long time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not being able to breath.I was scared to death.
--What I think my (maricopa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It isn't as complex as they make it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
They don't hurt any more!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
It depends on which death you are refuring.There have been many.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I am very selfish. I needed them here with me
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Sat Mar 24 18:14:56 2001
M46 in Milford, CT =USA=
Name: Beth
Email: <Emccar4=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Respiratory Therapist
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The worst Loss
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Rosof
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 9 ago.
Cause of Death: trauma, an accident; Aged: 11.
--Details:
He was home alone, we were having our house remodeled, there was 1000
pounds of sheetrock leaning against a hall. Somehow, the sheetrock,
shifter to the other side of the hall, pinning my son at the throat
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the termination of one's existance here on this earth. The end of
human contact, the end of the dreams and expectations for a long
and fruitful life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
spent many weeks in a dinial stage. Yes I had buried him, but I
was consumed with thoughts that I could somehow change this.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my 11 year old some died at home as a result
of a trauma
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
People became afraid of me. Afraid to talk to me, for fear of
making me sad. Perhaps they feared knowing to much about my pain
would make them more vulnerable. I wanted to talk about my son,
I needed to, but realized that friends and family didn't. It was
such a trying time, at times I just wante to leave this existance
and go be with my deceased son, it was too difficult to remain here
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a reality. And the survivors suffer a great deal. The pain
of the loss does not magically end after a year, or two or 3. The
bereaved person is sturggling to come to their "new" reality,
and so much need love and acceptance around them
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My sons death has afforded me the insight to reach out and help
newly bereaved parents. I have spent years denying that anything
good could have come with my sons death, and yet here it is,
something good, and that makes me smile today
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Books, some select ones. And meeting with bereaved parents. Once I
defined my needs and struggles to friends, that have hekped me a
great deal
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss of my future as I had planned it with my son as a part
of it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Human touch goes a long way. Someone holding a hand, not being
afraid to shed a tear, and telling the person that you are deeply
sorry for the pain they are experiencing
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Have survived. There were many times during the first few years,
I wondered if I would. And here I am, a bit wiser and probably
more compassionate that I was before his death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it was over and past for all of the "outsiders". I could not
understand how life was continuing for people. The spring came,
people played outdoors, how could this be possible, didn't thay
know Chris had dies?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Youe emotions are fried. They skip all around, and there is a
fine line between profound sadness and profound joy, and we are
out of whack with any reality. I laughed at my sons funeral with
words that the priest spoke, and it felt so damn good. We are in
essence, comparable to the mentally ill at that point, and cannot
be judged for any reactions that we might have.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Of course, I would have liked to spend an evening with Chris before
his accident, and tell him how much he enriched my life
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to spend 30 hours with Chris after his accident, and that he was
allowed to peacefully pass to his next life while lying in my arms,
in my=uch the same way that he entered life. It was a very profound
moment for me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
This is a tough question, as there are so many instances that
people do not understand. It was important to me that there be no
underlying chaos during the passing of Chris's life. All of that
could wait, I needed this to be a peaceful passing for my dear son
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
People all told me that I had to be strong for my surviving
children, ages 7 and 13. That they needed me. I resented that,
and I resented them. Tbey were the reason that I had to stay on,
living this painful life, which was unbearable at times. I wasn't
capable of living my life without confusion, how was I expected to
assist these young boys in a manner in which they deserved. I also
struggled with loving them. I loved all my children so much, and
then Chris died, and it nearly destroyed me. I was not going to make
that mistake again. Chris died without a moments warning, and so
what could prevent that from happening to one of my other children,
and so I was choosing to distance my heart form theirs. And the
guilt that came with that, well, that is a wjole different story!!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a story of the death of a child. I know all to well what
is in store for the survivors. Sometimes it is a scent, a song,
a spoken word, or just a need that brings thoughts of our loved one
rushing back. I know, and I am ok wth this, that my son will be
with me for the rest of my life. Sometimes causing sad thoughts, and
sometimes happy thoughts, and I welcome the both with equal measure
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I am unable to imagine a life to this day with Chris. Of course
I try to imagine what Chris would be pursuing, and who his friends
mught be, but it is difficult to imagine .
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I was a good person, Chris was a good person, bad things should
only happen to bad people
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Spend a day with Chris
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Became overwhelmed with pain, rage, anger, saddness......all of those
awful emotions. I remember clearly, driving home from work, seven
weeks after Chris's death. It came to me like a boly of lightening,
Oh my God, Chris is Dead, and he will be forever. The thought
nearly paralyzed me. It took me seven full weeks to realize it.
That blew my mind, and yet the groundwork had slready been laid,
I was forced to hold onto this realization for fear that the
"outsiders" would be unable to understand this.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Sadness that they do not offer much for the bereaved. Thet are in
the business of saving lives, and so when those efforts fail, it is
done deal. They only deal with the living, and not the recipients
of a dying loved ones
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I was very hurt by the lack of spiritual support from my Catholic
Church" and it took me away from the cathoilc church
--Religious Affiliation:
Non denominational/Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Death is certainly a spiritual experience. I do believe that
religious beliefs make a difference in our recovery. My sisr=ter
was an atheist at the time of my sons death. I do believe that it
would have been more of a struggle if I thought that Chris just
ended when he died, if I though that Chris became nothing more
than a rotting corpse in the ground. I needed to hold onto the
fact that Chris had gone to a better place.
--Regarding MONEY:
It didn't seem to play an important role
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was a beautiful time. A time at which there was a tremendous
amount of love from family and friends. Draining to be sure,
but spiritually beautiful
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the palnning of the funeral, as if we were planning a birthday
party for our son, it was very surreal
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I am a medical person, I clearly recognized the signs
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Do not greive the death of a person until that person has actually
passed. Mourning is better saved until after the death. Be alive
with the person until that final breath is taken, and then allow
the grieving to begin
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't recall this. My son was brain dead for 30 hours, and then
we removed him fro the ventilator, and he died in our arms
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no experience with this
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues, but I know that some people do.
I believe the resolution can only come from within that persons
hearts. We all make mistakes, but not out of a malicioousness.
We make decisions baded on our experiences, and so we have to forgive
ourselves, and realize that we had not had the experiences to teach
us to handle things differently. We must forgive ourselves, and
come to a peace in our hearts
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I am not sure anything I could say would change anything.
The reality is that I wanted to see and experience my son growing
old, and I didn't. No words would change that reality
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was stuggling on day, about six months following my sons death.
I was asking Chris for a sign to help me cope. I was all alone at
home, and compelling Chris for something, anything, I was desperate.
As I walked past the ansswering maching, I noticed that it was
blinking like crazy. That was odd. I pushed the play button, and
was surprised when it rewound and rewound for s long time. When
the messages began to play I was quite surprised to hear ver old
messages, the first few were for Chris, from his friends, left
about a year previous. The 5th message was from Chris. It was
a quick simple, and yet very profound message. It simply said,
"Hi mom, I'm having a great time up here, I love you" I froze.
He had been in New Hampshire 6 months before his death and had left
that message. There was no coincidence that I heard that message at
the very moment of my desperate request to Chris to give me a sign.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Think first and formost of the dying person, and try to put your
own fears aside.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of death, but more afraid of what my death will
do to my surviving loved ones. When I die, I imagine I will be
reunited with Chris, and that takes away a lot of the fear.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I struggled for years to be able to think of Chris and smile.
Everytime I remembered a joyful moment of Chris's life, I was
immediatly plunged into sadness about his death. There were times
that I was sitting on the edge, and needed to fully imerge myself
into sadness, and so I would play songs that would remaind me of his
death, or read articles of his passing, and lose my mind in grief,
but then I would emerge a bit stronger. "outsiders" were unable
to understand this need
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have gained a better respect for everyday things. Simple moments
of joy, of communcations with my loved ones, as I now know that
nothing is guaranteed, and that life nust be cherished every moment,
as the moment may never come again
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have gained and lost friendships as a result of my sons death. This
I believe to be a natural progression of life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
I needed support from other bereaved parents
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
people thinking that your life should return to "normal".
Unrealistic expectations
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reach out to many newly bereaved people, to help them know
that what they are feeling is "normal" thare were times when I
believed that I was losing all touch with reality, and that was
very frightening. I try to help newly bereaved people to not be
so frightened
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Any writing or reflecting about my sons death tends to make me a more
informed person about just who I am, and I welcome the opportunity
to learn more about my experiences, and hope that my answers will
in turn help another struggling person
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Sat Mar 24 01:34:56 2001
M65 in Rancho Cordova, CA =USA=
Name: Ted Laurence
Email: <Anim0n=at=pacbell.net>
Web: http://zwap.to/Anim0n
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was searching for info on "death wish"
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Prof/Studies: retired
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Suicide and the Soul
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
James Hillman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
transition
--That first time, how it happened was
It was me...open-heart surgery at age 44, in 1982
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a passage
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the death of my ego
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
internalization
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
persevere
--[My Self (impending)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
surrendered...accepted...
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't know
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
die sooner
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
surrender
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The sign over the door to Hades reads: Abandon hope all ye who enter
here....on the other side of that door is another sign which reads:
Happiness dwells here (both in Latin, of course)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get on with it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
awe
--Religious Affiliation:
non-religious "Imagine all the people living for today, and no
religion, too" John Lennon
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realizing I was dead
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
fear, dread, nightmares
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
"Descent to Heaven" Joseph Campbell
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I know that they were "forms" of loved ones, not my loved ones.
Lex Hixon gave me this blessing years ago:
May the Divine Mother
in all Her forms,
and as the Clear Light,
continue to protect
you
and illumine you
in all ways
on all levels.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
meditating "listening" "hearing"
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies
"Death is a festive occasion" Jung...."Death is a metaphor..." James
Hillman
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Enhancements: http://zwap.to/Anim0n
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Mar 23 18:31:11 2001
F40 in Dover, Delaware =Kent=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was on the web, thinking about death and dying so I looked it up.
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Prof/Studies: Psychology/ Human Behavior
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More personal info:
I will be graduating with my BA degree in Human Behavior and I
will continue on for my Masters in Transpersonal Studies. You are
welcome to post this info.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
BY: Elizebeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 21 years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 22.
--Details:
His death was sudden and unexpected so it came to a complete shock to
me. I refused to believe that he was dead at first. I took his death
very hard. However, he had come to me in two dreams after his death
to assure me that he was fine. I was ok with his death after this.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
letting go of the breath of life either quickly or slowly depending
on the type of death expereince it is. I would also tell that being
that death is just the begining of new life in a different form.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was five years old.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was five years old and my friend and I (along
with several others) were riding our bikes back and forth across
the street. We tried to warn our friend but he wouldn't listen
to us. He was run over by a truck and I saw his head completely
smashed in by the tire.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not wanting to believe he had actually died and his visiting me in
my dreams.
--What I think my (Kent) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to allow more openness and acceptance as it is a natural part
of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
for the dreamworld where those who pass over into spirit can visit
us here in the physical relam.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never being able to have phsyical contact with them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
silence is golden and allow the dying one to speak if he/she wishes
to. The eyes will tell all.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to come to acceptance and understanding that life never
really ends, just transforms.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell him how much he meant to me before his death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him in my dreams.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about my own death, leaving my young children behind,
for them I cry.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
such innocent children must leave our earth, yet I understand there
is reason and purpose behind it all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was deeply saddened at MY loss.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing to me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past religious affiliation was Roman Catholic. I do not agree with
organized religion, at least not for myself.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
absoultely correct. There is a broader sense of spirit and connection
to spirit during these times.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing those we care about suffer.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
In and out of consiousness, talking to "others" in the room when
those "others" are of the spiritworld, the last deep exhale of
breath, the last...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've not attended anyones death at this stage, however, I do know
of the visits during this time.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I wouldn't call what I experienced a near death experience, but
I have had several "out of body" experiences that I understand as
being much of the same feeling and sensation.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The friend that I've been speaking of, Joe, came to see me in my
dream and told me that everything was alright. That yes he was dead
but he was fine. I remember this dream as if it had just happened
to me, yet it's been 21 years since his death. I can't tell you
how much of a difference this made in my understanding about the
life and death process.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Respect how the person has lived their life and do as they has
either writen or verablly stated their wishes to be. It should be
as the person would want it to be.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes. As a matter of fact I've been thinking about my own death. It
feels strange to think about one's own impending death. The only
real concern I have about it is leaving my children and husband
behind to live life without my physical presence. The "control"
issue, I guess. I am not afraid to die.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I write poetry.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I am not sure, just because I believe in reincarnation, life eternal.
Others not being willing to talk about death and dying.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wrote poetry for those close to me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I would like to thank you for this questionnaire. It is nice to have
these types of things so that we are all more aware of eachothers
thoughts and feelings.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Mar 23 08:03:23 2001
F34 in Mexico,D.F., Distrito Federal =Mexico=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Altavista
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Prof/Studies: Psychologist and work like publisher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 28 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pancreatitis; Aged: 68.
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--Death Is:
End of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know what it was.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my dad and I became very depressive, anorexic,
and with all kind of emotional and physical diseases.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
loneliness.
--What I think my (Mexico) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that life does not finish with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
things my father tought me and what he gave me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Therapy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I wanted also to die.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Helping him with the dying process.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
could help him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't handle it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
express him all my love and to let him go without any pain, regrets
or bad feelings.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know my last therapist.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wished I could spend more time with him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would spend more time with him and all my life could be quite
different.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he left me when I was so young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried to understand it the best way I could.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Thu Mar 22 11:49:19 2001
M20 in Cincinnati, Ohio =USA=
Name: Tom B. Sheit
Email: <yourmom=at=yourmom.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: Car accident; Aged: 13.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something we don't understand, and what we don't understand we fear
and don't like.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Hurt inside, but didn't show much emotion outside because i don't
fear death and don't want people to have that view of me.
--That first time, how it happened was
Good friend was walking to school in 7th grade, and got hit by a
truck while crossing a busy street. I was told later that day by
the school counselor.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not crying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
understanding of people who don't deal with it in the same way.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I feel more enlightened by having someone close to me die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my parents.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
other people's opinions.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can cope with something very tragic and not let it be the questioning
focal point of my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people of different beliefs start preaching their case on what
death is about.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
drink more.
--Religious Affiliation:
christian.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Tue Mar 20 06:32:57 2001
F22 in lviv, =ukraine=
Name: natalia
Email: <zelena_mysha_ua=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
by accident
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Prof/Studies: teacher
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Gone with the wind, Star wars
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
any philosopher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: road accident; Aged: 15.
--Details:
He was killed while riding a motorbike, by a drunk lorry driver.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing of the soul into another reality.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't care much about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my friend's grandfather and our
neighbor.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the 5-year-old sister of this boy taking flies away from his face
with a carnation.
--What I think my (ukraine) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its naturalness.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
people's sympathies.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I could never talk to this person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
try to talk to the deceased in your mind.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned not to be afraid of Death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to switch to the past tenses speaking of the deceased.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I am not dead yet, so I have the right to do so.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say that regrets are pointless.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be serious for a moment and think of life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the weather was so fine!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how the family could get over it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
never.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Not much.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
so many scoundrels live happily; why he?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried to think about something else.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
acceptance.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
distraction by rituals.
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
energy that can never disappear.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was unimportant.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
some people come out of curiosity.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
forgetting all the deceased's vices.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
feeling of completedness of your life.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
there was not much grief in it: just a shock and meditations.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know about them.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
a priest I used to know was brought back to life by his daughter and
was very angry afterwards, as he felt so good!
my schoolteacher
was close to drowning, she had almost given up the struggle for life
(she felt good too), but the thought of her mother made her go on.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Nothing.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd say: "How are you there? We'll talk when we meet later". We'd
have a good laugh over it!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My uncle perished at 19. My Granny says she saw him a couple of
days after, and heard his voice. He asked her to take care of my Mom
(his younger sister).
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It is a bit selfish to demand something before you die. But I would
forbid my loved ones to wear mourning clothes, unless it's their
usual style.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd like to die instantly, without doctors and hospitals. I wouldn't
like to see my loved ones afterwards; I hate inflicting wounds. It
is just a step to other reality. I am not afraid of it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Reading.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Nothing special.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
close relations with the deceased
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just a talk, even about trifles.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Great for self-esteem.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
What are the vices of your ......... who died? Can you speak about
them freely? Why/Why not?
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Sun Mar 18 21:00:47 2001
F20 in Dallas, TX =USA=
Name: Christina
Email: <shimmer193=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I like to do surveys and I'm in psychology in school now, so I
found it accidentally
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Prof/Studies: Journalism/Spanish
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 92.
--Details:
She was sick for a long time, so we knew she was going to die soon
and were just kind of waiting for a while
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person is gone forever. Their souls leave thier bodies to
go to another place and the body that is left behind is no longer
useful, so we bury or burn it. The person's soul can go to heaven
or to hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried alot and wondered why he had died.
--That first time, how it happened was
My uncle just all of a sudden died with no warning and no real
reason. I had seen him a few days before.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my father and how sad he was.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a new beginning, not an ending. It isn't sad if the
person is in a better place and life is just a preparation for death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way my family handles death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that God's hand is in everything and that He has a supreme
plan and a reason for everything.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I would not see them again until I'm in heaven
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't figure out why he had died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
?
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
let them know I loved them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had to think for a long time about why it happened and tell myself
that there was a reason, even if I didn't know it.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
completely blind. Those who do not know the truth have been blinded
by it. When they die, they will be surprised.
--Regarding MONEY:
there was alot of confusion about who was suppossed to get what.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was not as bad as I expected.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing the body
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
well, blood gushing out of a person's head from gunshot wound is
a pretty good indication
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
When my uncle died when I was 14, I didn't want to sleep alone
because I had heard stories that sometimes people saw their dead
relatives and I was afraid to see him. I knew I was his favorite
niece so I figured he would visit me and I didn't see that as him
visiting me, but as a ghost visiting me and I was afraid.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I think I would tell him about myself and ask if he was proud of
where I've gotten myself. I would want him to think I'm smart and
pretty like he did before he died.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I got in a bad car accident last fall and for some reason came
out with only cuts and bruises even though most people would have
been killed. It made me think alot and I realized that God has a
plan for me, as for everyone else. He's not through with me yet,
and when He is, I will die and if that is part of His plan, I can
accept that. It is still hard because I think it is a basic human
desire to live and a human quality to fear the unknown. Even though
I know I will be with my Father in heaven, I am still afraid, even
though I know I shouldn't be. I hope that I don't die until I'm
ready, but whenever He takes me I'll go.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I read my Bible and prayed
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I knew he was a good Christian and went to heaven
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
It was such a surprise and it just kind of happened- I was so shocked
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think listening is most important- listening and NOT talking back
or consoling
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was interesting
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
One other question- Is there something that you connect now with
death that is just an ordinary thing to most people?- Whenever the
phone rings, I think of death for a split second because my first
experience with death was my aunt calling and telling us he was dead.
I brought this up in a class where we were discussing death, and
other people responded with like answers.
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Sat Mar 17 21:54:23 2001
F23 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The termination of a relationship with someone we care about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for weeks
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My best friend was killed in a car accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
going away to the college that my friend and I were going to together
and she was no longer alive
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
the importance of a relationship with Jesus Christ
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I have a close relationship with my deceased friend's mother
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
church friends
new found friends at college
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that she should have been with me the weekend that she died
and I cancelled plans with her so she went somewhere else where
she was killed
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
miss her so much
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the guy who was drunk and killed her, got only a month of jail time
for his crime
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my friend about Jesus and also how much I care about her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
was seeing the wreckage of the car
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
whenever I try to talk about her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would still be talking.
She would be the only friend I have
had since kindergarten till the present day that I still keep in
touch with
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why her
why not someone like me?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hear from her (in a dream, whatever)
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and prayers from people who knew my hurts
--Religious Affiliation:
Assemblies of God
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
seeing her bruised face in the casket
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
getting mad at seeing certain people who didn't even know her at
the funeral
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
And also that she was needlessly killed by a drunk driver
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Sat Mar 17 15:15:44 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a natural painful event
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very removed from the whole thing. More upset for living
relatives
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was.my friend was killed by a drunk driver
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
disbelief and anger
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling the pain of their family
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
best thing you could do for them and yourself
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
always kept happy memories
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
not expected and hard to believe
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye or tell her not to go
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a chance to know her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i went to the viewing
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral service
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go to their grave sites
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was too young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cry alot and reminisce
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
there wasn't very much for the funeral
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many peoples lifes she touched
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wishing it could have been some one else
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i think she would be very curious about where everyone we used to
work with ended up
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i bring flowers to gravesite on the anniversary of her death and
send a christmas card yearly to her family
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Fri Mar 16 08:08:35 2001
M26 in atlanta, ga =us=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: kumar
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The tibetian book of living and dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 3 mos ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Moving on
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had the desire to attain peace and compassion in this life and make
Karma in accordance with the laws of nature
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was.My unce just died atthe age of 44.He had
been
meditating a lot for the past two years and had an extreme love
for his Guru.His wish was to be in the realm of the masters.He was
alone when it happened.i have never seen anyone die in front of
my eyes.But i believe eberything lives on.There is no death,just
moving on.Nothing is created or destroyed, just a change,like matter
and energy
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Sadness and mourning, maybe a thought that it shouldnt have happened,
people thinking it was not going to happen to them,then they got
worried about their worldy chores and work and forgot what had
happened, they were grieving and offered help to the immediate
family at first instance, then forgot about it
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
what follows it is what we do in our lives so we must not hurt
feelings of others, sacrifice our whims for the right and know
what our actions will bring for its us who will reap the rewards,
the journey of our mind is a lonely one so what seems like our
relations is an illusion for we die alone and move on alone.Only
attainment we have is the Good we do.The only thing that moves on
is our faith and the belief in the Guru who is with us always
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My faith in my Guru became more profound and i want to change my
life m being less materialistic and learn to do Good in all actions
try to be one with nature and my Guru
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that life is nothing and then the cycle starts again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Try to thing of God or your Guru, for at that moment decides more
what your next life will be or where the new beginning will bring,ask
for forgiveness for what might have the wrongs u might have done.
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
He said his Guru was had come to take him and he must move on but
he had bought time to say Good bye to his children.the Gurus are
there to guide in the times when one life ends even if they are
not in the living form
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have talked to my uncle and been there when he was leaving
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Understand that we are blessed if we do right and have a clear
concience and have our teachers and gurus who Guide us
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
His material possisions was the talk of the time everyone wanted
to give advice on finances when all that was left here, still the
people did not understand that its not going with them, they were
looking for their gains in death
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i dont, but i feel that that maybe that i should?
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would gain spiritual insight from him, get inspiration to to
attain the love of my Gurs
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i think it is fair or not is up to the creator to decide because
what we think does not matter,we just have to accept and try and
work to be in the company of nature and God and find the bliss with
being one with nature
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sit in person with my Guru and just be with him, in his company,
talk to him and see him smile
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
That my uncles wish to be with the Guru had been fulfilled, he was
happy where he was
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they are helpful, but they have blocked out death from their lives
--Religious Affiliation:
hindu
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
it moves on
--Regarding MONEY:
its not important what u have accumulated, like Alexander said on
death that make sure my hands are out of my coffin when u have my
funeral, so the world can see that i went empty handed
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone felt it was a reality for someone else and what happened
should nt have but i feel who are we to judge?
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
where is he? Whats next?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes. i would just pray that my guru accepts me on death
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I am not afraid of dying now, i know maybe ill attain something
in this life to allow me to be with my masters and my Guru after
death which i feel is more blissful than living
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Fri Mar 16 06:32:55 2001
M51 in Knoxville, Tennessee =U.S.A.=
standingwolf_us=at=yahoo.com
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Retired Disabled Veteran
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Birds Still Sing......
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Terry R. Pritchett(My own poetry) There seems to be another life
that has emerged from within myself....
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 33 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Gunshots ; Aged: 19.
--Details:
It was 4 of my friends and they were like brothers to me. Our ages
were 19 to 21......
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of this world for every individual, then on to another....
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
fealt empty...
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...close friends killed in combat: VietNam. I
believe I experience death myself. I was near fatally shot, and
said to be dead-then as sudden as it happened, I regained life's
breath again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was alone....
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Don't make such a show out of it....
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I survived it, by the grace of God!!!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God and Myself!!!!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting it, which took nearly twenty years.....
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen and learn. Don't make fruitless promises!!!
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Detest the show people put on, over someone already gone!!!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
You wonder why them, but at the same time your glad it's not you....
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Didn't laugh!!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
knock out our LT and move 300 meters. He also was killed that
night. He was knew and thought he knew it all. He wouldn't take
advise from seasoned combat soldiers-which we all were,instead he
got most of us and his self killed.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
pick up the broken pieces and start over...
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw where I was going....
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
did it hurt alot?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Season's are hot and damp...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I can't say for sure, because it did happen....
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
we were all so young, with our hopes and dreams....
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Compleatly forget it, but I think that may take away from who I am
and that would be worse...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't want to know about...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
5 of us alive.....
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I don't Know...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God meant everything! I'm not really a follower of organized
churches.
--Religious Affiliation:
Follower of Christ!!
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
That the Lord holds the breath of life.
--Regarding MONEY:
When my dad died(I loved him very much) it was hard to show emotions
and cry. My brothers,sister and step-brothers and sisters cried and
followed the grand parade. Later they sued my mother for their part
of the money and anything else they wanted. I didn't want none of
it and didn't go to get any. My 1/2 brothers and sister wanted to
share what they got, but I refused it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It seem to be such a waste....
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The long parades funerals do and block up traffic and make folks
late....
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Feelings--I knew my dad was going to die one week before he did....
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Is to get away to think about it and write about it....
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I pray thier souls were ready!!!!
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
The Night I left this world, I viewed a deep dark pit, with a huge
glow at the bottom. I knew it was Hell and I called out to the
Lord to spare me and I would make things right. He did and I did...
He also took the fear of death away from me, so the next time I'll
be looking up at him in Heaven.....
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel they know thier a part of me and always will be.....
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That I miss them....
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It has happen to me many times. Some have regrets, some reveal how
they really felt about people and life....
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
They might not like being put on display and cried over.....
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Don't bury me under ground and forget the parade....
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Embracing each death and writing...
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Careful about what I say and to whom I say it. Continue to survive
and find positive ways to deal with whatever...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have had new friends;however, it's hard for me to get close and
really trust someone that close again....
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I try to reach out to friends who lose their love ones, but I do
it out of kindness....
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a positive experience, but it didn't change anything for me...
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Your questions were exact and fine. Also well thought out...
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Mon Mar 12 12:20:00 2001
F36 in Eureka, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
google advanced search : &death ORdying, ORprocess
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Prof/Studies: social worker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
--Details:
currently my grandmother is 96. She is ill, but probably not
going to die from this illness. It has brought the issue to the
forefront for me however. My family still does not want to talk.
I am now 36 and I have more knowledge of who I am and what I want.
How do I help my grandmother die with peace and dignity and yet
not drive my mother and her sister over some abyss?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving behind a specific self. Whatever happens next will be very
different. We will no longer be who we are. We will probably
cease to have perception and will.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very numb. like I was suppose to cry, but I didn't have
any tears. I felt loss for myself. but not sadness for their death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my Dad had ongoing health issues that included
heart disease and diabetes. He had 4 or 5 heart attacks over a
five year period, but he died of complications of his diabetes.
I was away and left my mom to handle the situation without support.
She sent my dad to a VA hospital over 100 miles away. He died alone.
I still have regrets, but Iwas glad my mom didn't have the burden
any more. He was emotionally abusive in his diminished state.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my not feeling anything
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how integrates into life. What is the role of death in life?
How can we help those who are dying?. How can we help ourselves
relate to them and to the process?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I need advice, I don't have any to give
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
now, when I can see it coming. I can see she is scared, yet ready.
My family wants to talk about the living part-where, how, with waht
medical care. Important questions, but I want to talk about the
"passing over" or dying part. How? with whom? with what medical
care?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Be sure to know what questions to ask, ask them, make decisions,
and insist your decisions are carried out swiftly. Regret is much
worse than death.
--Religious Affiliation:
investigatory during childhood and early adulthood. My family was
not involved in church however. World War II convinced my parents
that god was not what they had been taught "he" was.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the process of a spirit leaving a body to go be with the vast
body of unattached energy that powers our universe.
--Regarding MONEY:
there hasn't been enough money at issue to cause any ripples
or problems
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how impersonal it was to have some guy who did not know my dad saying
things about him like he did. It was wierd. If I had my way, nobody
who didn't know the person would ever do more than order flowers
or arrange chairs (logistics) at a funeral I was involved in again.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
need more information
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
while my grandmother was very ill, I know she had a visitor.
I was not there, but my aunt watched her have along conversation
with some young man. He kissed her hand in the old-fashioned way.
My aunt did not tell me if their conversation had any depth or if
it was merely "social."
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I tend to take a leisurly almost tourist like drive home and enjoy
memories of that person.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
my family will not talk about these things
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
hmm. it has shown me I have a quite stoic relationship to death.
My remorse tends to be about the loss of the person, and moreso
the loss of opportunity for having a happier relationship with
that person. Now it is final. That was the relationship I had,
no "do-overs"
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Sun Mar 11 22:23:42 2001
F45 in Laveen, AZ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4mos ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 73.
--Details:
My mother was a type 2 diabetic for many years. Her heart and
other body organs began showing stress and deterioation form the
long term use of insulin. Nov 7 00 she was attempting to give
herself a breathing treatment about 2am. My Dad checked on her she
said she was fine. About 4am he noticed her machine was running,
he went in she was DEAD.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Never to be again. The essence of that person is gone forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was a child of about three years of age. I remember being lifted
up to view my brothers body. I remember vividly the red rose on
his lapel.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...When I was three years of age my brother who
was eleven at the time died. He died of pnemonia.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mother lying so still. All the sadness and pain. My father
crying(never saw before).
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is final.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
A new relationship with my father and a special closeness with my
younger sister.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
And unplanned visit to a spritial healer. I was surprised.
I generally lean toward science for explanations.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I will never talk to or see them again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was not there when my Mom died but I knew the end was near for her.
Advice would be to visit as much as you can. Allow them to talk
about what ever they like. My Mom talked alot about her love ones
that went before her. There deaths including my Moms were only
months apart.
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I have not learned anything from my Mothers death except grief.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
N/A
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Did not experiance laughter.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Convience my Mom to get out more and enjoy life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Talk with her the afternoon of her death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Me and my sisters dress my Mom for viewing. Although I was there
I only watched.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch any thing on TV dealing with death or the elderly being ill.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Sitting with my Mom and family members on a pourch looking out at
the open fields filled with floweres. With mountains as a back drop.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That my Mom should leave me. Keeping in mind I am 45 years of age.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to her. Ask what happen
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Felt something heavy in my chest.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
HMO's do not spend money on the elderly!!!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me organize religion means absolutly nothing. To my Mom
and Dad they be;ived when they leave this old system it is good.
And that they will be together again in a new system.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding MONEY:
We did what ever was neccessay.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The lack of real feelings by the minister at the funeral. It was
a closed casket, I felt as if I was not able to say my last goodbys.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Great deal of conversation about there past. At times a look
of serenity or contentment. The talk about loveones that have
already died.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
A week prior to my Moms death she had what we called an episode(sugar
level to low). This time was different she was confused about her
surroundings. At the emegency room she was talking to me as if we
were some where else. She kept asking me what kind of place are
we in looking around as if she was looking at something. She told
me later that she was with her sister(their dead), and she thought
I was one of them. After this episode she seem somwhat content.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
The next night after my Mothers death My Dad said my mom came to
him and laid on his chest and said "I died of a heart attack".
My Father feels that if he had not fallen back asleep he could some
how have saved her.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't know.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to know what exactly killed my Mom. If there really
is life after death. How to help my father deal with her loss.
She knew better than anyone.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I try desperately to visit my Mother in my dreams. I cannot
understand why I have not. It would help me a great deal. I believe
in the power of dreams. I ask myself why won't my supconscience
allow me to see and talk with her?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
There is nothing I want to now about my own death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I'm trying dreams but have not succeeded.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Only with my sister.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
To let me talk as long as I wanted.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I could say what I felt without judgement. I was able to say or
write the things I have been felling.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Mar 11 15:51:16 2001
F18 in Jasper, In =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Assistant Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of idol Public Figure, weeks ago.
Cause of Death: a racing accident; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
no longer alive or able to communicated with real human beings
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was upset and had a great fear of dying
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fear of dying and how easy it can happen
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and close friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fear of dying
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
need to comfort close family and friends
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have a fear of death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
what happens to you after you die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt more comfortable with it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Sun Mar 11 01:43:00 2001
M53 in Knoxville, TN =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
WebFerret search on "death"
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Prof/Studies: Manager
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Slaughterhouse 5
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kurt Vonnegut
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Wife, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: disease; Aged: 52.
--Details:
Terminal incurable disease
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of all activities, and the obliteration of the self.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
saddened by their no longer being there.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...intestinal obstruction at 2.5 years. 5 minutes
from dying. Despite young age, I was quite aware of all that was
going on and its consequences.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how real is was, and how nothing anyone could do would change what
had happened.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is final, there's no happy ending, what you do in your
life is what you will leave behind you. All religion is pretentious
nonsense and should be treated as such.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
not applicable.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
replacing what they filled.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't be phoney.
--[My Wife's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Don't depend on others to the point where you handicap yourself.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
not applicable.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
not applicable.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not applicable.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not applicable.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
not applicable.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all the religious bullshit.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have moved beyond that.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
don't waste your time...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
but, the idea of "fair" is a human invention, whereas the universe
is essentially ahuman.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
no, it's not that difficult.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
not applicable.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The best available resources were employed.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Some were good, some were sickening leeches.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing. It's a complete waste of time.
--Religious Affiliation:
None.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Nothing. Don't kid yourself.
--Regarding MONEY:
No impact.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Preposterous nonsense.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Feeling as though I was the only one who had a handle on the reality
of the situation.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Lack of pulse. Everything else can be devious.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
When they're dead, that's it, get on with life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
These indicate the breakdown of the electrochemical processes of
the brain.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Once again, these indicate the breakdown of the electrochemical
processes of the brain, you don't get many "near death" experiences
from people that have been beheaded.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Too late to resolve, just let them go.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Nothing different than what I actually said.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Just silly dreams.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
When I say "pull the plug!" that's what I mean! Hence my will.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I might die while typing this. And, I know that would be the end
of my consciousness, that I would cease to exist, and I would be
right back where I was before I was conceived, i.e., nothing.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
None.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Not applicable.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None. But, some new awareness of persons not to trust, especially
those who are religious.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
The "other" was just logic and reality, this is it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
Society's current incarnations of superstition and ignorance
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I helped those that needed it in substantial ways, but didn't delve
into phoney superstitious sweetness.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Fine. Just a chance to reiterate what I know.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Will get back to you.
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Sat Mar 10 19:22:21 2001
F48 in Sarver, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Hospice ]
via link while researching hospice topics
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Prof/Studies: hospice nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 27 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: post MI; Aged: 76.
--Details:
My grandfather died at home in his bed through the night--he was
found by my grandmother in the AM. I (and some other family members)
had a wonderful visit with him that evening before he went to bed,
and I was able to see him prior to removal of his body by the
funeral home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A final journey that is very individual. If this process is allowed
to proceed without major interference, the essence of who we are
is preserved through our final breath.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was more surprised than anything else, because of the wonderful visit
I had with him the night before. He seemed like the grandfather
I knew prior to the heart attack--full of energy and happy just to
be visiting with family.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...A friend was killed in Viet Nam. The news
of his death was stunning; at first I did not believe it was
true--figured it was just another small town sensational rumor.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the myriad of unique responses my grandfather's death provoked.
Everyone responded differently.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
part of the continuim of life. It's inevitable!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
--As a hospice nurse, I have witnessed / experienced / received many
gifts through Death. The greatest gift I receive from my hospice
work is ongoing renewal and sense of awe at the love and strength
I witness each day.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
fear that they may have suffered physically in the process of dying.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Quiet verbal reassurance of your presence and that you will be OK
after their death; gentle stroking; granting the person permission
to leave.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing is an invaluable emotional release for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see my grandfather at home in his bed with his favorite quilt (my
sister and I had given him as a gift) before he was taken away by
the funeral home director.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
When I asked my mother how she knew for sure my grandfather was
dead and she answered that he lost bladder control. I was shocked
at her answer because I didn't know that happened, then I wondered
(and asked her), how did she know that? In retrospect, I'm amazed
that I needed to ask how she knew he was dead, but he really didn't
look dead to me--he looked like he was sleeping peacefully--and I
had never really given a moment's thought to the actual physical
process of shutting down. As a hospice nurse, this many years
later, I am still asked by family members how I know for sure the
patient is dead. Some of these people have witnessed a very long
dying process, but still ask the question at the time of death.
I think it is momentary disbelief that death has actually occurred.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a memory surfaces (triggered by almost anything!)when I'm not
expecting it. It feels like I'm back in "real time" with my early
sense of loss and grief, but it also feels good and peaceful because
the positive memories and associations with that relationship feel
more real as well.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
experience the release from pain and suffering that I believe
death offers.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized why I coped so well at the time--my shock and denial
protected me from falling apart and allowed me to deal with the
pain of profound loss in doses I could handle.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
distrust
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a framework of comfort and support.
--Religious Affiliation:
born again Christian / Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
absolutely accurate.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My grandfather would not have cared about the masses of flowers,
but would have loved talking with all of his family and friends.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
an awareness that life goes on around us regardless of how profound
our personal sense of loss may be.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
decreased oral intake; increased withdrawal/decreased response
to the world around them; mottling; internal/external body
temp. fluctuations; apnea; inability to swallow; audible oral
secretions and last, but not least, HOW VERY LONG THE ACTUAL DYING
PROCESS CAN TAKE!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know about my grandfather's experience, but as a hospice
nurse I have witnessed this phenomena so many times that I am greatly
comforted by it for my patients. It makes me feel confident of
their safe, comfortable passage and enables me to initiate closure
of my own with them.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
As the saying goes, death ends a life, but not a relationship, so
issues CAN be resolved after death; however, I believe that they
are easier to resolve with the living, so I try to live each day
with that in mind.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I am a single, 48 year old parent of 4 children and have spoken
with my children very openly, clearly, specifically and OFTEN about
my wishes! The last time I did so, my 27 yr. old son joking replied,
"Mom, you better hope you don't break an arm, because I'm convinced
I can't agree to intervention!" I used the occassion to state
again that I have witnessed too many patients and families agonize
regarding available interventions in times of crisis; I want my
children to feel confident that they are respecting my wishes if
they should one day need to make choices for me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Like everyone else in the world, I hope my death is quick and
painless in my sleep! If that doesn't happen, I hope I have a
hospice nurse (like me!) managing my care!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Fri Mar 9 10:10:22 2001
F47 in Falls Church, Virginia =USA=
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Found us by: [ Hospice ]
Prof/Studies: working on MSW
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: birth defects (Trisomy 13); Aged: 2 days.
--Details:
Actually, he was the second of my sons to die. My first son had
died a little over a year prior to this one at 40 days after birth,
also from heart defects (heart).
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--Death Is:
one of those transitional, hang-out-in-the-hallway, unknowable
places; a not being here, but not knowing where we will be
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
pretty much didn't have a clue what was going on; just knew my
grandfather looked like he was asleep in the coffin and everyone
else (except me -- so did that mean there was something wrong
with me???) was crying, and I wouldn't get to see him or be with
him anymore
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died from his second heart
attack; he was 60 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the deaths of my sons changed my life and life directions radically;
also, I realized I had gotten a glimmer of what it meant to be
unconditionally loving
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
just about everything! how much it can impact on us, how it doesn't
take just a few days to get over, how incredibly strong our emotions
are, and on and on; you name it, I think we stink at "doing Death"
(we don't even like saying that word!!)
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I had the opportunity to know my sons, even if for only a
short time, to look at them and hold them and know that they would
be taken care of by a Being much Greater than myself
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends and the MIS support group, without a doubt
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it just didn't make any sense -- that a baby should die; had a
great deal of difficulty believing I was not somehow to blame
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just sit and listen; you don't need to say anything except offer
your unconditional presence
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
got through it and didn't spend the rest of my life feeling in pain
and despair; that there is a light at the end of the tunnel
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
no one would talke with me about what was happening
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was Very Normal (but it sure didn't feel like that then)!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hold them more, be with them more (they both spent so much time in
hospitals, hooked up to all sorts of tubes and monitors)
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
reach out when I most needed it
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my first son sighed a gentle sigh when they laid him in my arms
for the last time
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
thinking we needed to know all the exact details of why and how;
they were important, but they never could really answer the ultimate
"Why?" question
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see some movie or read some story about a baby or mother's death
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Wow, well I guess chances are greater that I would still be married
to my children's father, plus I'm not sure my daughter would be
here if the boys had lived (I had her about a year after my second
son's death)
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Oh, well, I always think it's unfair when infants or children die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
actually, it no longer feels difficult; for the most part, I didn't
"wish" I did, I just did!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried and cried and cried and cried ...........
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
some good ones (docs, nurses, etc.) and some not-so-good ones;
some could be present and others just didn't know what to do with
themselves!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
didn't do and don't do organized religion; do do spirituality,
particularly spirituality based on the 12-step program believes
and it is and was VERY IMPORTANT to me
--Religious Affiliation:
past -- Congregational, Unity
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right on
--Regarding MONEY:
my two sons cost a fortune in hospital bills, and although most it
was covered by insurance, it was a long time before the insurance
company paid the bills and I kept getting the collection phone calls!
Very Painful!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people were there, but I couldn't tell you who now
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the basic fact that it was happening at all
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it takes a long time and you need to be very gentle with yourself
and find people who can be supportive through it
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no awareness
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Actually, I sort of did that. When my first son would have been 5
years of age, I wrote and published a short article in Bereavement
magazine; it was a very cleansing, healing process and brought some
additional closure to both my son's deaths
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe the dying should have what they desire -- i.e., if someone
wants to be cremated, then cremate, don't bury! I also believe if
someone feels they can't live with incredible pain, who are we to
decide they should hang around?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I just want to know that my loved ones are with me and around me,
seeing me off on my transition
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I definitely lost some friends who didn't know how to handle the
grief, and I found a whole bunch of new people with whom I could
connect
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
At age 10, I pretty much didn't get what it was all about.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
Don't recall much of anyone talking about it either.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Co-facilitated the MIS grief support group for 4 years after my
daughter's birth; great, great experience
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very helpful for clarification purposes
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Fri Mar 9 08:35:13 2001
F14 in redding, ca =usa=
Name: keshia
Email: <Foxy_2214=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
my friend told me how and when she was going to die.I wanted to
know when i was going to die too.
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Prof/Studies: none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 98.
--Details:
she died in here sleep
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
i was not afrid
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
when i was 3
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a girl tryed to hit me with her car.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying at the funreral
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to be afraid ofit
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i got money
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friend katie
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my great grand mother
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
justine
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Fri Mar 9 04:48:01 2001
F23 in , kansas ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1.5 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 53.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you will never see a person again
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt horrible
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
watching my father die
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it effects people the rest of thier lives when a loved one dies...not
just a few days or years afterwards
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that one day i, too, will die
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never being able to see that person again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make sure you don't hesitate in getting them to the hospital during
a heart attack
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was stupid in thinking he wuold be alright
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the dr. told me my father was dead
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not listened to my father when he said 'it is nothing' and said
he'd be alright
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would be happy
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
contempt...i heard them laughing when they had my father in the
emergency room
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
sad
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being there
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i would have liked to take my father to the hospital sooner...but
he acted like his heart attack was no big deal...and at the time
i didn't know what was happening
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i'd tell my father i loved him and ask for his forgiveness for
letting him down by not taking him to the hospital
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i had a dream once that my father bought me a volkswagen bug that
was painted all over with skull and decorated inside with skulls
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i can't wait
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Mar 9 00:52:51 2001
M49 in Auckland, =New Zealand=
Name: Anthony Swain
Email: <english-boy=at=zfree.co.nz>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Health worker
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death and dying. Life after Death
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler Ross. Dr Moody
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The cessation of the existence in the material world, of the
biological form we call a body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked and numbed and just could not understand it. (I was
a child). I kept thinking they would come back again after a
short time.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My father commited suicide.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The fact that I just would not believe it had happened and that I
felt very isolated and alone, even though I was one of a family of
seven, going through the process
--What I think my (New Zealand) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That we should not isolate ourselves from the dead person and not
"sanitise" the burial ceremony.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My dying mother was very open with me and when she told me she
loved me, it seemed to carry more significance than when she was
alive. It seemed to have a special quality of honesty about it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Having family around me and long, long walks alone with my thoughts
(and my dying mothers dog)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Their suffering and my own belief that I would never see them again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be open to anything they may want to say and let them know this.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt extreme guilt when she died, for my misbehaviour in my teens,
even though it was so long ago. I think this was a natural process
and later on focussed on the really good aspects of our relationship
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
We had an after funeral tea at my sisters house and everyone just
seemed to be trying to act as if nothing had happened. That really
threw me out
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not feel this way.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend some more time with my Mum, as I had emigrated to another
country. Those lost years were hard to accept.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Having a cup of tea after my Mum had just died (honest)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I focus on some aspect of my Mum, such as her love of music, and
I hear something she liked.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I do not do this
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did she have to die at this age (69). I always thought she
would live into her nineties.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
It does not get that difficult now
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
actually felt some relief at this ackowledgement
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
a realisation that we place too much weight on the medical community
and sometimes they are just as helpless as we are.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
No hospice care involved
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Having the very good support of my mothers priest. He was excellent.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past was catholic. Now, spiritual with no religious affiliation
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a connection with the universe that transcends all human belief
systems and has a common thread with all life in the universe
--Regarding MONEY:
It did not.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It followed a prescribed pattern that typified a Western funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
A sort of inner strength that come over me before the death, when,
on my way to England, I felt like a jelly bean. I do not know where
this came from.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
A detachment from their surroundings and lack of interest in
the external world. A need to "put things right" with family
members. Inability to control thier bodily functions may signal end
of family involvement with care due to embarassment and feelings
of shame
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
talking about them and being aware of them was a real bonus and
definately helped.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had no awareness of this
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have some unresolved issues around the past of the family and my
Mum's relationship with my father. I don't know if there is anyone
who can actually help me with these issues. I have questioned my
eldest sister but she cannot help me very much.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my mother that she was a wonderful person who gave
me some great teachings in life and some excellent values, which
I will always carry with me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother often came to me in dreams, especially when i was going
through the guilt phase. I also get strong feelings sometimes that
she is close to me and I get shivery when this happens.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have not given this consideration
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am very scared of dying and think about it quite a lot lately.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote a letter to my dead Mother (on the computer), when I felt
guilty about my teenage years and expleined to her how and why I
was feeling like I was
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have, in my job, experienced death in families and I always make
a point of staying open for the dying person, or family member,
if they want to talk about anything related to the experience
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Not really, I returned to my home overseas after the death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
sharing the loos with someone who had had a similar experience
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
was a child when it happened. No-one seemed to think it important
to explain what and why it had happened.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I just wanted someone to listen to me and to let me be alone when
I wanted to be. I was also able to help my wife when she lost
her brother.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was very useful to remember the feelings and happenings that
were going on at the time and that you did not give much thought
to. It has been vey helpful in that respect.
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Thu Mar 8 12:06:57 2001
F23 in Roseau, Minnesota =US=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accidental fire; Aged: 22.
--Details:
four people our of 9 were killed in an accidental fire while
hunting, the ages of the deceased 22,22, 8, 34
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
enevitable, final
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was unaware,
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandmother died of cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the wake
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it should not be kept a secret even from children
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the great bonding of the people left behind
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that they are gone and will be missed
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
the funeral
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Wed Mar 7 17:02:32 2001
F21 in San Dimas, California =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
went to the psychology catagory on Yahoo and then went to experiments
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Prof/Studies: Sales Associate for Lane Bryant
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandfather was suffering from Alzeheimers
and eventually his body gave up.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
yes, my grandmother informed me while she was dying that she saw
my dead aunt and her mother and they were telling her that they
were waiting for her.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
There was a time in my life where I almost drowned and I remember
seeing a light, but a few seconds later, or at least it felt like
a few seconds, I heard people talking over me and asking if they
should give me CPR. That was kind of a near death experience,
but I never saw an angle or anything. I think if I would see an
angle and they left the decision up to me on whether I was ready
to go or not, I would have to say no because if I have a choice,
then I think there is something on Earth that my soul hasn't felt
that its finished yet so I would need to finish that.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I really don't have any resolved issues, I guess I just figure
they are happy right now and anything I may not have said before
they died they already can here because they are all around me,
so really don't have any unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I hope that they are as happy as I think they are.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have seen my grandfather in a dream; it was when I was going
through a rough time and although he didn't say anything to me in
the dream, when I woke up I had a sense of peace, I think because
I felt that he was watching over me and now I knew it so I felt
that whatever I was stressing about would be okay because he was
watching me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think my possessions and my loved ones should always be taken
care of.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think that I will die when I am supposed to die, if that is
tomorrow, then i think there is a reason it is tomorrow, and i
can understand that, that may hurt some people, but I hope they
understand that I am content with dying whenever because I think
it is for the right reasons.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I write in my journal.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I feel taht writing in my journal and every once in awhile meditating
really clears my head and allows me to live happily day to day.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
After my mother's mom died, even though we were close before,
we became closer because we realized how important we are to one
another.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I figure that my grandfather or anyone else in pain should go to
a happier place and not be in pain anymore.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I am not so much now, but when I first delt with death I was afraid
of it so I felt sad that my grandfather had to go through it.
Although this is true, I am fine with death now and i think he is
happier and better off.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Being able to talk freely about my feelings of death without strange
looks from others because they don't agree with my position.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think the questionnaire is interesting and helps put people's
thoughts together about death and their own morality.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No.
Enhancements: No.
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Wed Mar 7 15:45:42 2001
M25 in Muenster, =Germany=
Name: Kevin
Email: <kevin=at=uni-muenster.de>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
psychological experiments
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Prof/Studies: Physicist
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something final. A loss of someone. A mystery and the source of
the deepest questions that we ask ourselves.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not quite understand at first.
--That first time, how it happened was
When I was in Camp with the boyscouts, a fellow scout got killed
in a traffic accident. I didn't know the victim, but we talked a
lot with our leaders and priest.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
solemnity
--What I think my (Germany) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a part of life. REALLY!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the realization of my own mortality
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
people just being there (to comfort me and for me to comfort them)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that I will never see that person again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized the world had changed a bit.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helped me and others.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accepted it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. No, even less, something that hindered my thoughts to
become clear.
--Religious Affiliation:
past catholic, now (after thinking a lot about death and suicide
in general, not contemplating it): Atheist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the only clear answer
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the other people annoyed me with their obligatory 'herzliches
beileid' (I don't know how to translate that from German)
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Eating great amounts of food at the opulent dinner after the funeral
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I was so stoned, I was in physical shock, I believed I was going
to die, and my only thought was "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!". This still
freaks me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I believe that there is nothing after death. I find this easy to
cope with rationally, even amusing, but it presents an emotional
problem for me, which I face astonishingly calm. (My calm reaction
to my own death is what disturbs me)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
Don't try to play a role, don't act like you think other people
think you should act. (cry, wear black, talk in a hush, 'avoid'
the issue 'tactfully')
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
comments that are obviosly obfuscating the facts, but of course are
'well intentioned'
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It reminded me that in the past I thought about death more often
and was securer in my feelings and reasonings.
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Mon Mar 5 22:42:42 2001
F21 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Nadia
Email: <avagreen15=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just looking up death and dying because im taking a psychology
course about it at my university
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Prof/Studies: Psychology student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 78.
--Details:
It was a long process of dying because he had a chronic illness
which was also interrupted with a stroke. He was in the hospital
for the last month and a half as well so it was like holding on to
false hope, or just waiting for the inevitable.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body stops functioning and that person as we know them
is gone. We only have their legacy that remains within the people
that knew him or her.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was hit with a total surprise as to what it really felt like.
The understanding that it was FINAL was such a new feeling for me
that would change my experiences from then on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...i was informed of my grandmother's death but
she lived far away and i didnt know her well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the bond that was created with those left behind. I never really
knew how important family was until those days of grieving began.
The most vivid feelings were the total shock i felt when the
realization that it actually happened to us (my family) and
especially me and then seeing the body that wasn't breathing.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is sometimes a good thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being able to understand how humans affect each other in the
simplest ways.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being around family because they could appreciate what i was going
through.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The hardest part was seeing my friends at the funeral home because
that made the whole thing so much more real.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't fake anything.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am now more ready to deal with death when it happens to others.
I feel 'stronger' and realize that the family left behind by the
deceased is the group that needs the most support.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Confused?? hmm... oh when we (the extended family) were gathered
at my grandmother's house and were laughing. It seemed like the
strangest thing, and perhaps wrong. I had always thought it should
be all sad but I don't think anyone can be sad for such a long
period of time... our emotions were all over the place.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i needed it!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
speak to him more. He only understood Italian and i felt
uncomfortable speaking it with other people around - and there
was always someone else around. I visited the hospital when i
could and he spoke to me but I didnt really get the chance to say
anything... or to tell him how grateful i was to have had him there
for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
cope.. It was hard at first but I knew I couldn't live like that.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we were picking pictures to put up at the funeral home.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If it hadn't happened, and I didn't know it was going to happen,
things would be very distant. I would have grown further away as
was happening before and I wouldn't have this insight. Who knows
how I would be... I obviously still wish he was around, I find it
very sad that it took his death for me to realize his worth.. and
his wonderful character that has helped me to grow as a person just
through reflection.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why does death have to involve so much suffering?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
burst out in tears and fell to the ground.. it came out of nowhere,
i thought i was fine!! But seeing other people and thinking it
through i just didnt know what else to do.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hate... ive always had this belief that hospitals are where you go
to get better.. it turned out to be a fantasy.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it was impersonal. they were just doing their job, my grandfather
was just another client or patient that needed taking care of...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
more to the older generation
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
the costs were divided among the family.. it wasnt easy to deal
with at the time but it had to be done so there wasnt really a
chance to debate prices and so on.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were a lot of people and it helped to know that people cared
for him.. and the familiar faces helped too.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My dad didnt tell me when he called home that he had died, I still
cant figure out why.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think he spoke about being with his parents. I vaguely remember
him mentioning his mother near the end of his life.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Feelings of wanting to reach out and become closer to him.. i
always held back, for no reason. The only thing i can do to
resolve that is to not let it happen again.. if i get that feeling,
i will try not to let my insecurities stop me. Who might help me?
Probably no one but myself.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have liked to say Thank you for everything.. I did actually
write a letter and put it in my grandfather's coffin, i think it
helped me in some small way.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I dont know what my grandfather really wanted.. i think he was
scared and worried about us. I hope he was at a stage of acceptance
when the time came, but i dont think he was ready to go, but does
anyone really ever want to go when they have a good family and home
etc.? Regarding the Rights and Wishes, i believe that a person
should not be 'kept' alive if they are ready to leave and are in
a lot of pain.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I dont think I believe Im going to die. Im a healthy young adult
with a long future ahead of me right? I can tell myself this isnt
true and try to make myself believe it.. i even tell myself to be
thankful for each day.. but if i knew i was going to die in say a
year -Everything would change for sure!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Realizing the positive things about the person that you wish to carry
with you in your lifetime. Its not so much memories as real traits.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
What i took from my grandfather was his bravery and goodness.. but
most importantly for my everyday life was this idea that he
didnt complain about things.. well he had his moments with my
grandmother.. but from what i remember he didnt regret the hardships
he went through but took them as they came and adapted or at least
didnt show his family how much things impacted him.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Friendships with family members.. Mainly my cousins.. we all went
through it together and even though we may not discuss the details
of that time anymore (although we have) it brought us together and
i dont think that will ever change.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Acceptance
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me clarify what i already knew about my experience but i
felt a little strange writing about personal things because i dont
know if anyone else can actually learn from reading things
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Mar 3 04:16:54 2001
M23 in nagpur, maharashtra =india=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo category search
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Prof/Studies: Diploma in Engineering
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life after death
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 month ago.
Cause of Death: Heart attack; Aged: 56.
--Details:
He was sleeping alone in the ground floor, and we on the top floor,
we came to know about it on the morning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
going to the upper plane of life.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My father died on jan 15th 2001, i felt bad
about it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
what my father might have felt when we did not talk to him in the
last moment.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Fri Mar 2 00:10:48 2001
M29 in Bogalusa, LA =U.S.=
Name: Zavier
Email: <zavier01=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking at polls/surveys
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Prof/Studies: iceman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 18 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 45?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Where our mortal shells release our true selves.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Understood what to expect.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... From 12 to 17 (in order) my father,
grandmother, cousin, mother, and uncle died. (My other grandparents
were already gone when I was born).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Knowing I was going to change.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's inevitable. Birth, life, death, are but three points. There
is a third. Rebirth.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Realizing that without death, life would be barren, and horrible.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Some was my friends, but I really owe my sanity to Quincy Adams,
a girl I dreamed about several times over the years. Each dream
was unique, but it may have been just my subconsciousness trying
to heal what it could.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not learning what they could have taught me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make them smile if you can, though laughing would be better. Let
them know all the feelings you never talked about.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Could handle death by thinking of questions, and trying to figure
the answers out by myself.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My mother was nearly dead of cancer, yet the hospital kept trying
to have her hold on a bit longer, like she was gonig to suddenly
be cured.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
That's what my told me to do while she on her death bed, so I did
at the funeral.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Study under my father.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Keep my dreams and sanity seperated.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I don't unstand the question.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Ditto...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I don't get teary eyed about what I've lost, but rather realize
what I have to lose.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I know that they would all still have to die. You don't mess with
time or fate. But I would like to have said "Later".
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Life and death, hand in hand, death is fair, it comes for us all.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Drive, just get in my truck and drive.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Ran into the woods, expecting the worst wasn't over.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Prolonging the pain in terminal cases, healing the others.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Cancer: They prolonged my mother's life through drugs.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing much.
--Religious Affiliation:
I have myown beliefs, e-mail me (zavier01=at=yahoo.com) and we'll
compare thoughts.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
If life doesn't join us here on Earth, death will certainly join
us later.
--Regarding MONEY:
Getting the funeral, casket, and tombstones paid for.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the children handled death better than the adults.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
As above, thinking I was immune during this time.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Death comes at anytime, and anywhere. There are no signs.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It;s late, I need to go to bed. Later.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Death was taking everyone around me, meaning I was immune.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I had a high reading comprehension level when I was young, so
I understood.
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Thu Mar 1 17:58:53 2001
M18 in Wonder Lake, Illinois =Mc Henry=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: heart conditions; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like leaving your best alien friend and never ever seeing him again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a littled scared.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was in second grade and one morning before
school, probably around 4a.m. my dad came in my room and told me
his dad just died. I really didn't think a whole lot of it becasue
I really didn't know him that well. We ended up flying to New
Hampshire where he lived for the funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being in the E.R. room and seeing all the people that were affected
by it.
--What I think my (Mc Henry) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to cope.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the ability to join with friends and family and help each other
come over one of the most difficult things in life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Driving and listening to lound music, not giving a damn about
a thing. Just taking off and putting everything behind.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting the matter!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
being there for her mom and dad.
--[My GirlFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
did not go over the edge and do something stupid to hurt myself.
I usually do and for not doing so in this situation made me feel
strongly about myself.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first heard of the incident. I was trying to think how, why,
when, what, etc...
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not laugh at all during this time in my life!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say your one of the sweetiest people I have ever met. You define
everything a young women is suppose to be. You are like a rose in
a bed of thorns.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the chance to meet such a wonderful girl.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Don't really know!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
...that it was just her time. That is bullshit! She was only 17
years old.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear certain songs on the radio, or see people that were there
with me during the whole process.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might actually be with the girl I still am looking for. SHe would
have continued with her life and someday be very very succesful
and happy.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
She was to young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
break something or hurt myself.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that the person just got tired of this world and wanted
to go somewhere much better, that's all.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that they did all they could. Nothing they could do could have
prevented this from happening.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot!
--Religious Affiliation:
-no comment-
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I really don't know, it is hard to say.
--Regarding MONEY:
I really don't recal money having any place in this tragic event.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
To depressing. People need to be happy. Funerals should be parties
celebrating the time that person was able to have on this earth.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How people who didn't even know one another came together and helped
each other.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't know!!
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I took a very violent and physical approach.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It was so unexpected, plus I was not there when it happend so I
can't answer this question!
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
-can't recall any experience like this!
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
None really. I have moved on and can think about her but still
remian in a happy state of mind. It is unfortunate that it happened
but there is nothing we can do.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I really enjoyed the movie last night, and oh, by the way, yes I
will go out with you.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Never had this happen!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Just party it on down for me. Have one good time in my honor and
then go on with your lives. I am in a better place and soon you
all will be to.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Shit happens!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just beat the shit out of a tree stump in the backyard!
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no!
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes, for about three months after the death, then it was back to
normal. People I didn't usually hang out with I still no longer
hung out with.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
Taking anger out on something!!!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
none really!
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Nothing really, everybody helped each other very good.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It kind of put me in a hasty and/or bad mood. I'm not depressed
but as you can tell by some of my responses I just wanted to get
on with it and not think about it.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
The survey was good. I really don't think there should have been
something there wasn't.
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See Feb 01 contributions.
See Jan 01 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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