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See Current contributions.
See Oct 00 contributions.
See Sep 00 contributions.
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Thu Nov 30 19:04:03 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
My teacher recommended to use Yahoo to find questionnaires, and
this site came up.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, six months ago.
Cause of Death: meningitis; Aged: 17.
--Details:
Her death was sudden and very sad. The disease took over her body,
and she was dead in less than 24 hours.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A very confusing thing. Death is both a happy and sad
experience. People are happy with death when suffering is ended
and they believe that the person will move on to a better place,
but they are unhappy because they don't get to be with the dead
person anymore.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried a lot, and I was very confused because I was so young. I now
understand death a little bit better, but even now 11 years later
I am perplexed by death and dying.
--That first time, how it happened was
The first death I remember was my great-grandmother. She died when
I was eight, and I had to travel from Chicago to Iowa City to go
to the funeral. It was very confusing for me because I had no idea
why she was dead.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone crying a lot because my friend was so young. All of the
people she touched during her short life were deeply saddened by
her death.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Where people go after they die. This would make death a lot easier
to understand.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Whenever people die, it seems to bring people closer together,
and death makes people realize so many different things about life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Running, and talking with my friends. Both things helped me to
figure out my feelings. When I run I am able to think about the
way I am feeling, and about how to make myself feel better. When i
talk to friends, I am able to understand things, and they help me
to realize that I am not alone in my suffering.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The feeling of loss that comes with death because it is very hard
to combat.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To not act like they are dying. Don't make the last days, weeks,
months, or years of their life focused on the fact that they are
dying. Spend as much time with them as you can, and tell them how
much you love them because you never know when they are going to
be gone.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Have learned that she is my angel, and she will always be there for
me. I try to live my life in a way that she would have done. I do
the things that she didn't do, and I think about her when I do them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't know what life would be like without her. I didn't know if I
could function knowing she wasn't around, but I did, and I think that
I was confused during that time because I didn't know how to move on.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never had that strong of a feeling to laugh, but when I was with
my friends, I would laugh with them.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To say good-bye before sudden deaths.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Keep on living with my memories of my friend in my heart.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Ann's mother brought me a gift from Ann, and she told me to keep
Ann in my heart. This made me realize I should not feel guilt for
being alive, but I should be happy that I got to know my friend.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The small things in life that I used to get upset over.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Things would be the same except my friend would be here.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people have to die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I cried a lot, but I had this odd sensation of happiness, and I
thought,"everything will be ok."
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
The funeral home provided movies for me to watch when I was crying
during the services.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Wed Nov 29 14:51:35 2000
F20 in Dallas, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: I have two jobs; and I study internet publishing
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More personal info:
Nada
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: Stroke/choking/murder/not sure; Aged: 89.
--Details:
They would not do an autopsy because she was so old...I'd just
seen her two weeks before and she was fine and being funny and just
acting like any other silly old woman...I loved her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition to another level of conciousness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried and cried because I never before knew the true meaning of
it and the fact that I'd never see them again (minus the whole
ghost thing).
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my godfather died of cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The word no echoing in my mind and that hymnal that opens the movie
School Dayz by Spike Lee.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is NOT the end; it is the beginning of new and wonderful things.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that now I know that there is more after death; that we
can still communicate...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mind, and my sister.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Fear that she would keep coming back to speak to me. I told her
to go and that there was nothing more that she had to do here in
this world.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
N/A
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped. I did give an all-night vigil of my own when I learned that
she was dead, but I began the healing process after that point. I
gave myself time to greive and I was better for it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When things started happening to make me laugh. I wasn't supposed
to be laughing, and that confused me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. To keep
it inside would have caused it to come out at a very inappropriate
time, such as when my aunt was crying and carrying on, or during
the silent prayer at the funeral...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
really talk to her now that I'm older. But I'd have rather spoken
to her when she was in her right mind, not when she became senile.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
laugh at the funny aspects of life. I was happy to see my cousins
that I hadn't seen since I was a teenager. Altho we had come together
under distressful circumstances, it was great to see them and we
enjoyed the time together while it lasted.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I found the goose feathers. I knew it was my grandmother. It's a
long story. If you want to hear about it, feel free to email me:
DreamGyrl360=at=yahoo.com.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The fact that people in my family hadn't really been speaking to
one another before my grandmother had died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think "Gee, I haven't seen mahmaw in a while--oh wait, she's
gone..." or when I wonder how her body's doing in that casket
underground...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't be sad, and I wouldn't have felt as guilty saying
"If she's not dead or dying, don't bring me down here to this
god-forsaken city ever again, mom."
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
She was not sick when I last saw her. She was fine. Sure, she had
a little cold, but she was fine, and she was happy. Everything
was okay.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her, see her, hug her, hear her laughter once again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. I kept forgetting she was gone! It hit home when I saw her
in the casket; I still dream about it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Complete betrayal. How dare you not to a requested autopsy?!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Having a Christian funeral with church and sermon and prayer and
a preacher with a Bible.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian. I was born Baptist, but I'm not adamant about
it. Believing in Jesus Christ as my savior and God as my--God,
is just fine.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true to the majority of aspects. Spiritual contact reigns in my
family, despite all the fears in the baptist religion. They're as
real as you and me--sometimes moreso.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were prepared for such a thing and she was given a proper
burial--unlike my grandfather(pahpaw) who died without warning and
we had to scrape together $2000 in cash just so the funeral home
would take him out of the freezer and give him a proper burial!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my step father. He dislikes me and now my sister. He called us evil
and we called him blasphemous for even stepping in a church. We had
a huge battle of the english language outside of the church before
we went to the gravesite.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The feathers and my pillow. PLEASE stop the feathers! (They stopped
a couple of days ago...someone realized they were scaring me and
stopped.)
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
A call from my cousin Larry two days before the death. He seems to
dream of you when your dying, and gets worried and calls to find
out if you're okay.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
anger and then grief and then sadness and then occasional laughter
worked for me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandmother could not have told us about this as she was slightly
senile anyway and no one would have believed her.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Well, my family is clarvoyant. Ever since I was 3 I could see things,
as could everyone else on BOTH sides of my family. No biggie--that
is, minus the fact that ALOT of it is scary and we'd like to ask
any supernatural entities that would like contact with us to please
not contact us directly; go to someone else instead of slapping me
away in the middle of the night or pinching me...I need my rest and,
even tho you're dead you should understand that need!
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
N/A
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you...I really do... that's about it.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
MY grandmother came to me the next night after her death. She
was confused and we could hear my aunt crying in hysterics in the
background. This (as usual) irritated my grandmother and she was
like "Why's Gloria crying like that? Somebody shut her up! Who
died?!" And I looked at her, and was really trying to think.."Oh
yeah that's right someone did die who was it who WAS it..." and I
looked at her and said "You...." when I woke up I could feel her
fear and confusion and I started saying allowed "No reason for
you to stay...we are fine here...pass over... pass over... we are
fine...no reason to stay...nothing here you need...pass over..."
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Nothing. I don't come from money. Just bury me in a nice dress and
have my daughters do my make up and make sure my outfit does not
clash with my casket. Make sure my kids get all of my belongings
(if they'd even want it; I'm sure lots of it is junk).
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I did die soon I'd make sure all things would be resolved so
that I don't need to hang around. I'd make sure me and God were
okay that way I could hang out with St. Peter at the gates.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking about her to my cousin and my sister and my mom. That's
when the feathers began....
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Nope.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
MY cousin and I have always been close but we were kept away
from one another due to distance and the fact that she was often
abused. We are closer and she may be coming to live with me in the
near future...I'm 20 and she's 21.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
N/A--oh wait. Yes I am. I helped my aunt on the way to the car
after the funeral. I kissed her and told her I loved her. I don't
know why but it felt right.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Time consuming...kind of long?
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Tue Nov 28 17:05:59 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ UseNet posting ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 20 yrs.
--Details:
He playfully jumped into an irrigation channel in CA. Brok his
neck....was not found til 5 days later. It was horrible!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A tranision from on stage to another
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I didn't understand it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Uncle Jack Died of Lung Cancer. I loved him
a lot... My Mother made me kiss his face as he lay in the coffin. I
was carried out of the room hysterical
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
anger
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
something that needs to be talked about
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My son coming to me in my dreams
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
an online " Death of a Child support group
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing him...so very much!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Speak about the death
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
no longer worry about the small stuff, or even most of the big
stuff. Your worrying can't stop an action
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was first told.....I couldn't process it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see and hug this person one more time
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a tall blond haired young man
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be happier
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I don't deserve this
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
????
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
grieved
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Life is a gift
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Very Little
--Religious Affiliation:
Cath
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more natural....not structured
--Regarding MONEY:
He had no insurance.....and costs were high
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How Many of his teachers and friends were there
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had serveral and they were a great comfort to me!!!
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had an out of body experience as a child
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
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Tue Nov 28 12:20:49 2000
F24 in , Queensland =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Assistant nurse
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More personal info:
Every day I see critically ill people which include the elderly.
There is no reason why people who will never regain there health
or sanity should be left to sit and slowly die. There is no pride
in sitting in your own waste prodoucts
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: 22.
--Details:
OD on perscription drugs
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--Death Is:
Nothingness, pain free
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was intreaged
--That first time, how it happened was
My mothers first child, who died before I was born
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Now at least he dose not fell guilty
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There is no excaping it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Reality
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Music
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
others whom have to try to live their lives without the deceased
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
comforting for the dying. Carring out the wishes of the deased
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Came to terms with the death and got on with my life
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Everyone continues to use death to their advantage, self pitty
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I guess I am a little insane
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say a few things
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
do the eulogy
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I realised that time dose not stand still for one person
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how was having the wake
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
But then they could of became a rapist or a criminal. You don't
get to choose who lives or dies. It just happens
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do someone as happy and loving have to die. Why not a more evil,
horrid person
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
DIE
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
took a reality check
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Anger
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
Anglican
--Regarding MONEY:
it was not there
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the eulogy's
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I have to look after my 2nd cousins forever and I have not even
finished university
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If one wishes to be dead, let it be. Expecially in cases where
there is some kind of pain
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
The earth is to over populated. If you wish to die you should be
given that choice as your own option.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
I was to young to understand. All I knew was 'that's it gone
forever'
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
Ignoring that there ever was a child born
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I guess I am morbid
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Tue Nov 28 08:08:32 2000
F14 in Sodus, Michigan =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was searching the web one day
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 20.
--Details:
A truck smashed him. He was so sweet but not ready to go yet.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was shocked and didn't know what to think.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My friend died in a car accident.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
Talking to his parents
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Sun Nov 26 11:47:48 2000
M22 in , OH =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer/complications; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was stunned
--That first time, how it happened was
It was one of my friends parents and I new him well because he was
also my soccer coach. He was killed by a drunk driver.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? The Funeral
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
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Sat Nov 25 15:25:34 2000
F20 in Athens, GA =USA=
Name: April
Email: <redvelvetfaery=at=netscape.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com polls
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Prof/Studies: student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Animal Miracles; Chicken Soup for the Dog Lover's Soul
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 10yrs ago.
Cause of Death: hit by truck; Aged: 5.
--Details:
irresponsible driver speeding through a residential neighborhood.
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--Death Is:
the end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
sat very still.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my dog was hit by a truck in front of my
house and I heard it. I sat very still until my neighbor called
on the phone to tell me what happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being alone and very angry.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Everything feels pain, not just people.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
he no longer suffers.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they need to be touched, so that they feeled loved as they go.
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
changed so as to make the lives of those living better and full
of love.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nobody really cared.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
nothing
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
been outside with him before he was hit, so it wouldn't have
happened.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hold him as he turned stiff.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he turned so stiff as I was stroking his cheek, and his eyes glassed
over. That and he lost control of his bladder.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
burying him and putting a grave marker.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see any dog.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be sunny with lots of wild flowers and the breeeze would
flow through our hair as we ran like deer through the fields.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that about sums it up.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
shoot the bastard that killed him and everyone else that was there.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very angry and full of hate.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that people suffer the least of all creatures.
--Regarding MONEY:
the headstone was a wooden plaque with RED scratched on it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was pointless.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it never ends.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
absent heart beat and no breathing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it never ends.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he had none that I witnessed.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Death is like suffocation. There is no real color, but nothing
is black, but you can't really "see". You have no Physical body
that feels, but you can "feel" the pressure on all sides of being
suffocated.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
People need to learn not to take things for themselves, and to
understand that everything thing in this damn world is not made
for humans. I feel that I can not change people, but I can change
the lives of some dogs.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
they are doing better and that they didn't hurt.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I saw it happen again, the same dog, just like my Red, getting hit
by a truck. Different place, not too different age.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
How I am disposed of is my business and no one else's choice.
Just because I'm dead and can't complain is no reason to go against
my wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know people would weep becasue I'm a person. I just hope it
doesn't hurt to die.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote a lot of poetry.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
still writing
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
to the cat
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I'm still not over it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
people don't care just because Red wan't a "real person"
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If people had actually felt sorry.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It reminded me of all the anger that I keep supressing. It just
makes me more angry.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Some of the questions are not really questions but your own little
spiel on what someon should feel.
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Sat Nov 25 14:24:35 2000
F17 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: 54.
--Details:
It was a slow and painful death. She was a firm believer in the
catholic faith. Her death is what made religion for me impossible
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your body remains on earth and your mind sops thinking
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understnad, only now am i realizing what I went through and
dealiung with it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my Grandmother had suffered from breast cancer
for nine years. My mother and I were living with her at the time.
When my grandmother passed away I waited outside for everybody to
leave before i said goodbye to her
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness and selfishness
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
after my grandmother died and me and my mother returned home, I was
playing out side and a monarch butterfly landed on my hand and let
me hold it for the longest time. My grandmother loved butterflies
and we always associated them with her. I know that that butterfly
her telling me it was ok
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
right now i have a wonderful boyfriend that lets me talk about her
for hours. If I need to cry and tell him the horrible things i
saw hes there to listen, just like when i want to tell him all of
the wonderful things that i remember about her -even if es already
heard them. Also me and my family talk about her a lot which helps,
everytime we see each other we tell the smae old funny stories
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My boyfriend and I are considering getting married and all of the
sudden i realized grandma wouldn't be there. She wont be at my
high school graduation, she wont see my children when I have any.
My boyfriend will never meet her, and never know what a wonderful
person she was. Its hardest when I realize all of the things
shes miising and how much better they'd be with her here, I almost
feel robbed
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
not to treat them like they were dying. grandma liked me taking
care of her best because i wasnt always fussing with her or trying
to make things better. She said that she was going to die no matter
what her pillows were like. We would make up songs or play with
dolls or I would comb her hair. I was so young i didnt understnad
death, and that was a good thing
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when I realized that I was going to die someday too. Im terrified
of death not because Im afraid of hell but im scared of there being
no afterlife. I know my grandmother went to heaven but heaven just
doesnt make sence when I try to apply it to my own death
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helped dealing with the death the most. After the funeral
we all went to grandmas house and told stories and played games.
It sounds awful, but you can only cry so long. We were still sad,
but it was time to remember the fun tings about her
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I would have went inside when my grandmother was dying instead
of waiting outside because i was afraid. I wasnt there when she
needed me. I now i ask her to help me when i need it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
important things happen in my life and i realize shes not there.
Or even the realization that shes not comming back
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
because I was so young. Grandma was such a wonderful person, if
god had to tkae her why did he make her suffer for nine long years?
and why so soon? I needed her
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her again, I think everybody whos lost someone close to
themselves has thought of killing themselves so that they could be
together again. I
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was afraid for my mother. My mother doesnt deal with death very
well and she was incredibly close to my grandmother. She never
got over it. Shell still crawl in my bed and just tell me how much
she misses her I feel sorry for her
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
discust. My grandmother would have survived if the doctor hadnt
screwed up numerous times. (Theres a medical lawsuit tkaing place
right now to take away her liscence)
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Her death turned me away from the church. God hadnt helped her in
any of her many times of need
--Religious Affiliation:
I dont believe in organized religion or christianity, and im
currently struggleing with the thought of any form of god
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
at the viewing when i touched her and she was ice cold. I was young
and i didnt understnad what they did with the bodies. Thats when
I realized she was dead and I really began my mourning
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
My Grandmother lost all of her hair because of kemothereoy. But I
never saw her with out her wig on. Grandma had been sick sience
i was born so i dont remember any dramatic changes besides that
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Tue Nov 21 11:14:20 2000
F19 in Durham, North Carolina =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
psychology search
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Prof/Studies: Student/psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: gunshot; Aged: 17.
--Details:
He was murdered. No one is sure who did it which makes it confusing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
one of the most terrible things that happens frequently in life.
death is part of life and loss is part of living. When someone
dies they will never come back to be with you. You will never
be able to speak with them again, you question your beliefs, and
wonder what has happened to that person
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to react. I was hurt, angry, i felt guilty.
I did not know why someone I was close to and had barely gotten a
chance to live had to be taken from me. I was mad at the person
for leaving me. I was mad at everyone because I felt that they
could not possibly understand what I was going through.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...A boyfriend of mine died unexpectedly.
He was shot through the head
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Talking to his family. It was the hardest thing to do. I remember
not really being able to say anything at first. Every time I looked
at them I would just start to cry. There was a lot of hugging and
reassurance that everything would be ok. That somehow we would all
get through it. I did not want to get through it. I just wanted
to be with him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that death happens and that at anytime someone close to
me could be taken and there is really nothing you can do to stop
it from happening
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a particular song or when a topic of conversation comes
up that reminds me of him, or when I pass by places we used to
go together.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that more of his friends were not there. I had hoped to see them
all. It seemed a little impersonal with so many of his church
members there grieving when he didn't really go to church that often.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
crying, my beliefs, and prayer
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I felt that if I had been there to see him instead of being out of
town that it might not have happened. He might have been with me
instead of the person that shot him
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Tue Nov 21 09:22:59 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
was looking up death test to see how long i was gonna live
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11months ago.
Cause of Death: fluid in the lungs; Aged: 85.
--Details:
went undetected for a while. Everyone kept saying it was nerves
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a feeling of loss. A strong realisation that you will never ever
see the person ever again! Your heart feels so heavy and you just
want to cry all the time it is so hard to get over.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 17 years old and my grandad died on newyears day. I think he
wanted to last till the year 2000
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandad had been ill and was getting worse,
he had fluid in his lungs. I didn't really cry as much until i walked
into the church and saw the coffin for the first time. Thats when
it hit me that he was dead and was actually inside the box!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How my grandad without anyone one telling him knew that he was going
to die.The night he died just before he asked all the family to
come down and wanted to make sure we were all there, he was in his
house because there was no more they could do for him. He made my
mum dial her number on the phone and check that our number worked,
we think this was because if he died that night my gran would have
to phone us. Before he died he said to my gran "i'm away helen"
" your dad's calling me to go with him"
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that maybe there is life after death
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it put my grandad out of his misery, he had no dignity left, he
had to be taken to the toilet and fed, he cried at the the fact
that his daughter had to see him like this.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family, being at school and taking my mind off
it helped
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the thought of never getting to see them again, and the sorrow i
felt for my mum at losing her dad whom,she looked up to and loved
very much
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
a comfort to them and everyone else, with kind words the person may
not be so scared of dying, if they know they are going to die tell
them that you will see them again in heaven
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel sometimes that my grandad is still with us
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
on christmas day we were all called into the hospital to be with
him in what were supposedly his last hours , my mum said goodbye to
him and told him he had been a great dad to her all these years,
they said if he went this time they were not going to attempt to
revive him because if he pulled through he would be a vegetable,
but as if amiricle he came back but died on new years day
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the family (my cousins, alittle older about 19, 20
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how i felt about him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with my grandad alot before he died
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realised that these type of things CAN happen to YOU, its not always
someone else
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
friends are also very important
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
also seeing my mum and gran cry their hearts out was very distressing
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Mon Nov 20 18:27:57 2000
F16 in Zanesfield, Ohio =United States=
Name: Beth Barkley
Email: <FioraE15=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Just surfing through
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Prof/Studies: Student in Animal Management Tech.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1.5 years ago.
Cause of Death: a kick from a bull; Aged: 68.
--Details:
He was kicked in the head by a new bull he and my grandma had just
gotten at an auction. He stayed in the hospital for about a month,
slowly losing his memory and his mind, until he died June 3, 1998.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
having the people you love violently ripped out of your life forever,
leaving an empty shell of a body and a wake of pain.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried so hard it hurt, but had to go to the funeral for the closure,
or else it would be like it had never happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
While I was at my mom's, my cat "mysteriously" fell off the
windowsill and died at my dad's. Funny how my dad could never
stand the cat and as soon as I left he died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The anger I felt at everyone else for not saving him, and the rage
at myself for being such an awful granddaughter.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to celebrate it in the media so much. It's not something
to advertise, it's something better left hidden inside and dealt
with individually.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The closure I get at the funerals.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my best friend, and my animals.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My anger at myself for not being around enough, and not caring
until it was too late.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When it first happened, all i could think was "how could this happen
to me?"
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was hysteria and disbelief.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend a lot more time with my grandpa, and my cousin before they
died. I had the chance to, but I always took them for granted.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something happens that reminds me of something that the deceased
used to do or say.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would spend a lot more time with those people.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people so close can be torn away so quickly.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget everything, and go on blissfully ignorant.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
got angry at myself and everyone else, especially whatever Higher
Powers are around, controlling things.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment. The hospital killed my grandpa.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i have no religion, because I will not believe that if there was a
"god" who is as good as everyone says, he wouldn't let such bad
things happen.
--Religious Affiliation:
I used to believe in god, but I don't really believe in anything now.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it felt good that so many people were there, feeling sympathy for
me and my family as well as the deceased.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that even though i know they arent' alive, every time i see someone
i knew in a casket it feels like i should wake them up and tell
them to get out of there.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandpa and great-grandpa would talk about family members that
have been gone for years like they were just around yesterday.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have many regrets, if that's what you mean, but there's no way
to fix them except to forget.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask my grandpa what was he thinking, messing with that
bull when he knew it was mean. He's been a farmer all his life,
he should have known better.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I think i talked to my uncle once in a seance, but he didn't know
me, and was scared.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm afraid of it sometimes, because I don't know what comes
afterwards, but sometimes I look forward to it, because I imagine
then I could forget everything.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My grandpa's death brought my grandma and I closer together, although
now we're not on very good terms, but that's a different survey!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Time heals the wound, as long as I try not to remember it in detail.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
It always feels like it's not fair that as soon as I get too close
to someone, they die.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried to help my friend get through a death by just being a good
listener, and spending a lot of time with her, getting her out of
the house. She did the same for me, and it helps a bit.
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Mon Nov 20 15:24:26 2000
F18 in West Columbia, SC =USA=
Name: Rebekah
Email: <rebekahlauren=at=juno.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Exercise Science and Health Promotion
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: 21.
--Details:
sudden tragedy, took everyone by surprise, he was so full of life
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something everyone has to go through but we never expect it when
in happens
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandfather died from heart attack.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the silence
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
actually knowing the person. Life would not have been as rich
without them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own inner peace and in being able to express my grief the way
I needed to.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the reality that they're really gone and not coming back
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they don't always need words to comfort them. Sometimes silenct
companionship is so much better
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
express myself more fully. Sometimes we don't say things we want
to because we are worried about how we will be perceived by the
other person.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
both regard and disgust. I personally believe that medical community
as a whole is out to make money. There are so many instances with
people in my own life that proves to me that the medical community is
not all it's cracked up to be. Of course there are always people that
are exceptional but they are few and far between and hard to come by.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a source of comfort and prayers. There were so many people that
were just there if you needed them. They're so willing to help
and encourage even years after the incident has passed.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope it comes quickly and peacefully. No one wants a tragic death.
I want to live life to the fullest but I am ready for death when
it comes.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
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Sun Nov 19 22:07:55 2000
F32 in maple hts, ohio =cuygh=
Name: joanna
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 82.
--Details:
just that the last two years of his life were the worst two years of
his life he was always sick and at bed rest the last 1 year of life
for my grandfather in law was of hospics a death watch basically
it was horable to watch him go like that but at least when he went
he went in his sleep the other thing i remember is taht my husband
dave helped carry out his grandfathers body and i dont think they
should even have asked him to because now when someone asks him
what he remebers is he says that him his grandfather being sick
the last two years of life and carrying him out
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is a very sad and trying thing that all of us must go through
at some point in our lifesand alot of people more then just once some
maybe many of times and it never ever gets any easier to deal with
and no two deaths are the same but every body will grive in their
own way and there way is fine it hurts not physacaly but mentally
but you pull together as a famoily and try and find a waay to deal
and cope with it eventully it will get a little easier but you
will never ever forget them evergriveing takes time and you have
all the time you need and you will also miss that person alot but
just keep remembering them in your hearts and the memories will
always be with you here is a poem that i wrote that kinda says it
to die young its such a sad sad thing you love someone and then
there gone. they died so young they could have been taken so quick
and that would be the best way of all and all you would be left with
are memories sweet memories but memories no the lesss!!!!! but what
i mean to be taken quick is that they did not have to suffer like
to go in your sleep but no mater what it still hurts!!!!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
iam unsure of the first timewho or when but i dont think i handled
it well i really needed my family and friends around and thank god
i had and still have them!!!!
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my niece i really did not know her
but she was born at 5 months and only lived 13 hours it was very
hard to deal with
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
scott is the most reasent one he was only maybe 30 years old and no
body could understand why so young he died from meds i think his mom
found him dead in his room he told her he wanted to go to bed for
a couple of hours and if she could wake him and she found him dead
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
at least with my husbands gradfather he died in his sleep
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends and god !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that they were gone and i would never ever be able to see
or even talk to them again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there talk to them let them talk to you even when they are
making no sence at all just let them rambe and talk it is what they
really need
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found way to cope jsut let people be there for you and be there
for them even if its just to lend a shoulder or to have a shoulder
to lean on cry it really does help
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they died why??????????????????????????????????????
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
the weekend before his grandfather died we were there me and my
husband dae and i went outside to do yard work and dave stayed in
to visit i visted a little but if i could have changed it i would
have spent more time with him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my family and friends and have them their for me
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
yes like now or whn a certen song plays or even when i am eating
at thankgiveing dinner his grandfather used to tell me you better
eat all your food that you put on your plate you dont think you
would miss hearing someone say that but i do i miss him saying
that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
iam not quite sure
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that god would have taken someone so young that they didnt even
get to live life yet why i just dont understand taht but i
also dont question it either god has a reason for everything
and only he knows the reason and thats good enough for
me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
why couldnt they so more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it was fine but creepy in a way a death watch
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything to me talking to god then and now are the or one of
the ways i can cope with many things in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Religious Affiliation:
greek orthadoke
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that god is there for everyone no matter what !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
putting them into the ground!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
was seeing there dead body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you must in my case cry all you need to get mad then accept the
death then grieve then cope it will get a little easier with
time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i dont know if this has anything to do with it but aboout 3 weeks
ago i was in my bed room and i got my foot stuck in the box fan
it was not on thank god but i went to get my foot out and in the
process the fan fell and toke my leg down with it but the thing
i am trying to say is that not even 5 to 10 minutes before this
happened some thing told me to move my son michael and i did i
put him out side the room becaouse if he would have been were he
was the fan would have hit him right on the top of his head and
that would have proble killed him he is or at thet time he was 3
months old he is now 3 and a half months old i thank god something
told me to move him like i said it may have been just me but it
might not have been either!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
to just talk about it or about that person
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
that life is short and live life to its fullest just remember that
when you see some one that you dont know if it will be the last
time you see them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
and the support of family and friends who for if i did not have i
dont think i would have been able to get through it or it would be
alot more diffacult
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
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Sat Nov 18 22:45:12 2000
F25 in , PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the otherside
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
sylvia brown and the book by george anderson
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 1/2 months ago.
Cause of Death: boating accident; Aged: 42.
--Details:
boating accident in canada, 3 people survived and my mother died
of severe head trauma. she looked as though she had no major
exterior injuries.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the point in which the physical body quits working and the spiritual
body takes over.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was so young, i didn't really understand what happened. i just
knew my aunts and mom were really upset and crying.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...i was 4 or 5 years old and my step grandfather
committed suicide in his car (crashed into a telephone pole)
because he found out he had cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fear i have that my 3 year old daughter will lose the memories
she has of my mother, her grandmother.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is so important to remember how important it is to the people
that have lost someone close to them to talk about them and for
friends and family not to shy away from it just because it makes
them feel uncomfortable.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the last thing i said to my mom is that i loved her...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
spending time with my daughter, having personal items of sentimental
value of my mothers close to wear, her favorite hat especially and
the music she had in her car.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the finality of it. realizing that i will never be able to hug
my mom again and fear that my daughter will lose her memories of
her grandma.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them about all the happy things, and sad. no matter what
the difficulties in your relationship never leave each other without
saying "i love you", you will never regret having those be your
last words.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that keeping feelings bottled up not only hurts you, your
loved ones memory, but also the living. don't live so much in the
past with the passed away that you forget about the living.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mom's physical body looked fine. i couldn't understand how she
couldn't make it. why couldn't she breath on her own....why did i
have the make the decision about life support, how could they tell
me she was gone and to say my goodbyes at the hospital when she
was still on life support awaiting organ retrieval. she couldn't
be really gone, she was still breathing,
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
can't say this happened
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go with my mom to her favorite spot and take my daughter too...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my mom, hold her hand and let her know that i would
of done anything in the world to be there for her and to help
her....and that i love her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my daughter refused to say good bye to grandma, she said she would
see her later and that was at 2 1/2 years old.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the singing of amazing grace at the funeral. why play that???
just because it's the thing to do. we instead played tribal music
and special songs between mother and daughter (my mother wasn't
married)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i get the mail, see the leaves changes color, watch my daughter grow,
see a fishing pole or just something my mother enjoyed or would've
like to see.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
my life would be back to normal.....with the same choas instead of
the saddness and withdrawn feelings i have.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why was it my mother out of 4 people in the boat why did it have
to be my mother?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
runaway physically and emotional just for a couple days....
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
pushed it out of my mind and tried not to think about. i realized
i was starting to deal with it and i then thought if i was okay
with that and accepted that then my mom's memory would fade from
me and another part of her would die. i couldn't face that...so i
just started to deny it all over again. until i realized that just
because i accept that she's gone in the physical doesn't mean that
she isn't with me in my memories, heart and spirit.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
none
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a great deal. it is so important to draw strength from Christ in
your times of need...and be able to be there for others in their
times of need...sometimes the strength you get from a few words
from someone is really Christ working through them
--Religious Affiliation:
methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the same
--Regarding MONEY:
everything has worked out
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the people that usually made the biggest scene were the ones that
were jealous of the attention that the death had brought to the
deceased person.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
nothing really weird so far
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not appilicable
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
there isn't a set grieving process everyone does it at their
own speed and in their own way. i think the more traumatic the
experience the harder it is to get over.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
the night of my mother's accident, i woke up from a dream with my
cousin that had died 51 weeks to the day before my mom. he and
i had met in a bar inbetween earth and heaven. he never spoke
a word. he ordered two shots of whiskey and we drank them, hugged
me and left. about 1/2 hour later the phone rang and my mother's,
boyfriend's sister in law came to tell me there was a bad accident.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel okay
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i feel okay
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandfather came the night he died, in a dream, and told me
he loved me and told me to tell my grandmother that he loved her
( i was in his house). when my uncle died (same house as my
grandfather's), he came to me in a dream and told me to tell his
daughter that he was sorry and he loved her. The night my mother
died, i was sleeping in her bed and i dreamed that she came to me
in hospital room and she said, "I'm alright, I'm ok.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
just remember it's not your choice it's theirs....and someday it
will be your choice...wouldn't you want your family to respect
your wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i wouldn't want to know...i would just want all my loved ones to
know how much i loved them
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I take my daughter around the house looking at pictures of Grandma,
so she has a better chance of retaining her memories. I know also,
for about the first week, i hardly said anything, i just drove or
sat and replayed every single event, memory i had of my mother so
i wouldn't forget it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i'm alot more reserved, i guess i actually feel like a turtle,
i poke my head out but the second i feel uncomfortable i pull my
head back in my shell.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
none
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
denial, disbelief
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
my aunt that lost her son 51 weeks before my mother...we seemed
to understand a little better what each other were going through.
she lost a son and i lost a mother.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it helped me get out what i was feeling but i couldn't express in
words or to those that i can even confide in.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Maybe a question about how family changed whether it's good or bad
after the death of the loved one.
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Fri Nov 17 12:18:43 2000
F21 in Grass Valley, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I just like taking surveys
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Prof/Studies: Cashier
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: Ilnesses (many); Aged: 23.
--Details:
She was very sick for a long time, but nobody really knew,
including her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Something strange, which no-one really understands, but happens
to everyone. Some people are afraid of it, but most people just
accept it, because in the long run, we have to accept it- because
it will happen.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didn't really care (I know it sounds terrible, but I didn't).
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandpa died of cancer, but I never knew
him well, so I didn;t really care.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
On the day she died, at the very same time she died, I saw a huge,
full, bright rainbow in the sky, and I just knew she had passed
on. It was like a sign to me, a beautiful sign, just like she was.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't think it is something to be feared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Sarah (my best friend that died)never really belonged in this world
anyway, I don't think. Sha was too good for this world, as screwed
up as it is. I think she's in a better place.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that she's always with me, wherever I go, whatever I do. I
get happy when I do things I know she loved, because I feel like
she's here with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The final realization of her death, being so young and all. I think
that for the most part, I took it really well - I have an optimistic
view towards it all.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there as much as you can, just physically, sitting there next
to the person.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Overcame the extreme sadness that alot of other people who knew
her still have. I really feel her with me all the time, and that
makes me so happy. I don't need to be sad.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
We didn't know if she was going to die or not. We were in limbo.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I know Sarah would want me to laugh and be happy, and cherish the
time we did spend together. She wouldn't want me to mope and be
all sad all the time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with her before she died. I was distracted with my
own life, and did'nt know she was going to die.No one knew.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Overcome her death without being so sad.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Crying alot - I barely even cried. I don't know why, I just never
felt the need to.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I really don't.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would probably be roommates, just being friends, living together,
going out to the bars, going running, hanging out...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was so young, and never made it out of this small town.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried a little, but then overcame it. I went running in this park
that I knew she loved, and I began to feel so happy. I felt her
running alongside me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Mixed feelings. A doctor misdiagnosed Sarah early on in her sickness,
and that was part of the reason nobody knew how really sick she was.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not a huga amount. I know what a good person Sarah was, and I do
believe in Heaven, and I know she's there, being happy, having a
good time.
--Religious Affiliation:
Kind of a Christian, but not really following all the "rules".
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good. It's good to know that everyone experiences death at some
point in their lives, and we all have to go through it.
--Regarding MONEY:
We didn't have any of it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone was so much sadder than i was. They were all crying and
I wasn't. Maybe I just deal with it in a different way...
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't really know, it happened so suddenly. I mean, a week before
she died, we went out drinking, and shopping the next day, and had
the best time - nobody knew.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
We were really mad at each other for nine months, and didn't
talk. Then, about three months before she died, we became friends
again. I'm very happy that we had a chance to talk again, and she
didn't die when we were on bad terms. I do wish, though, that we
had never been mad at each other in the first place.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just tell her how much I love her and that I think about
her every day.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be a little nervous, not knowing what to expect, but I
would do all tyhe things I want to do, spend time with family and
friends, etc.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Going running in that park that Sarah loved. It makes me feel good
and happy.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Very good. I thought more about my whole experience with Sarah's
death.
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Fri Nov 17 02:33:15 2000
F45 in Terre Haute, IN =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Medical Records Tech
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 24 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 26.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was only 20 yrs old; a new bride of 9 months;
my husband a 26 yr old commercial pilot; died in an automobile
accident on his way home after a return flight.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
return to college; leaving the "site of memory".
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Thu Nov 16 18:44:34 2000
M24 in Detroit, Michigan =USA=
Email: <bapefiwa=at=cs.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searching the net for surveys to take.
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Prof/Studies: Mailman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: sudden heart attack; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Not only a looming and fearsome thing, but often, to me a perpetually
afflicted nuisance on my thoughts and ability to find the motivation
to begin projects and phases in life. It is the inevitable finality
to all we might wish to accomplsh.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was quite young and very confused. It began for me the process of
questioning my spirituality.
--That first time, how it happened was
A great grandmother whom I didn't know very well, but was familiar
with, died of cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the breakage in the foundation of our extended family, as the
deceased was the lynchpin of our communications.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it set forth a process by which to examine and make
determinations on my views of spirituality, and thus, overall
life philosophy.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support and strength of my nuclear family. Close bonds which
became stronger through the mourning process.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The inability to escape the realization that this inevitable
conclusion could come at any time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That the loss of a person creates a void, and the presence of
another, familiar face can help to bandage that hole.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This didn't happen to my recollection
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die peacefully tonight, in my sleep.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt grateful that I had paid a long procrastinated visit to my
grandmother, days before she died. The whole set of cliches about
taking things for granted really hit home.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
more than I'd like to admit. It was a very close church my
grandmother had been in. The people were wonderful, and made the
services much more bearable.
--Religious Affiliation:
It was a Presbytirian church, I am now an athiest.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I simply attend the viewings of friends loved ones. I try to be
there for the full tenure of a funural (2-3 days in my experience.)
I'll just sit patiently and be responsive in whatever ways I
am needed.
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Wed Nov 15 09:18:31 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3yrs ago.
Aged:
--Details:
My mother had an undianosed lung disease. She discovered this when
she was pregnant with me. The pregnancy was very hard for her. The
doctors had her taking steroids and other medication. So I knew my
whole life that she could die at any time. Well, one day my mother
had gotten a cold,which to her was more like the flu. She stayed
in bed for a few days, as she usually did when she got sick. After
a couple of days she went to the hospital to get looked at. That
evening I got a call from my sister saying that they admitted Mom
and the family should get down there right then. The last time I
looked into my mothers eyes she was thrashing about with a resparator
hooked to her. She went to the good lord nine days later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
My first death experience was the funeral of my great uncle Red. He
was ill and confined to a bed for a while before he passed away.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
My wonderful girlfriend has helped me the most.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Tue Nov 14 13:25:59 2000
F19 in Toledo, Ohio =United States=
Name: Erin
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 15 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 68.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the termination of life due to old age, illness, etc.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not know what had happened and why everyone was so sad
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died when I was very young and I did not really
understand what had happended to him.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the unexpectedness of his death and how it made it worse for
everyone.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is something everyone goes through and people should not
be so afraid of it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
religion gives some people hope that life after death will be an
improvement on what it is now.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
dealing with things in my own way, whether it be through outside
support, or just being alone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
change in routine of seeing that person everyday and then realizing
that I won't ever see them again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
considering religion and wondering what really happens after death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
really get to know and appreciate the person before they died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Everyone is so worried about the funeral and everything looking
good.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that it is something that happens to everyone and there
is nothing you can do about it by worrying.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a little to me and a lot to my family
--Religious Affiliation:
Jehovah's Witnesses
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a good way to make ourselves feel better.
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral is very expensive and this causes a lot of worry
for people.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the open casket.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Family is not close to talk to about things like that.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questions were asked in a very sensitive way, and though I
felt that many questions did not apply to me due to very little
experience with death, I feel that that gave me a lot to think about.
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Mon Nov 13 19:47:07 2000
F25 in dallas, tx =usa=
Name: shatna evans
Email: <evansshatna=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: study psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 43.
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--Death Is:
hard to deal with and not something i would want anyone to
experience.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't believe that my uncle had really died.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone waiting for my uncle to drive up
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it can come at any time and very unexpected.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how helpful and that i knew he loved his children and familt more
than anything
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my grandmothe and her reassuring me that everything happens for
a reason
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that i wasn't going to physically being able to see and
talk to him again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
no matter what the case always let people know how you feel
about them
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it will take time for you to get over the death but that person
will always be in your heart and memories
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why didn't i recognize the things that my uncle was saying and the
signs that he was letting everyone know.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
yes i will go with you
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
express my love for him and to let him know that he will always be
in my heart
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see any of his vehicles or when i think i hear his voice.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would spend more time with him knowing that he was battling a
lifelong illiness.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to understand his death
--Religious Affiliation:
CHURCH OF GOD IN CHRIST
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
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Mon Nov 13 00:26:19 2000
M21 in Owensboro, KY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: English major
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death: The Time of Your Life
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Neil Gaiman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 67.
--Details:
Killed him only after depilatating him within a home for old people
and fucking up his mind.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the phase in which our personalities are incorporated
into physical bodies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cryed
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my step-grandfather shot himself in the
basment with a shotgun.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Hoping my grandmother wouldn't die also for grief of her loss.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being alive is tiring after a while.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
personal greiving time by myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not seeing my grandfather's smile and his amazing back rubs.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
didn't try to take it stoically.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when i touched the body.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
he found out what happens afterwards, with proof that no one can
hold to conjecture.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
express large and suffocating amounts of affection.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
relate with my family for once.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The family was a solid entity, not against itself as usual
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
emphasis on proper attire.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see someone with missing fingers like my deceased loved one.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be more aware of my actions and how the would reflect to
that relative.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was too good a person to got out like that.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have a seance.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that i would face the same event.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
ceremony was a cool addition but the religion in this sense is only
a means to answer an unanswerable question.
--Religious Affiliation:
none presently, at the time fluctuating Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right, its too difficult to believe we are only the sum of our DNA
and experiences.
--Regarding MONEY:
this how the family solidarity was finally broken.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Appreciation for beauty in all forms.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? The Death Vigil
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
interesting
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Sun Nov 12 22:19:51 2000
F36 in Walnut Creek, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Religious denominations, Orders, Sects, Cults, & Secret
Societies-Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: NA
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 18 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: an electric shock to his back causing him to fall 70 feet; Aged:
17.
--Details:
He and two friends were going fishing. When they got to the
fishing spot, my brother was playing around and climbed up a metal
power pole. He was waving to his friends and got too close to a
coil which shocked him, causing him to fall 70 feet. One friend
tried CPR, while the other ran for help. A man working at a near-by
plant saw them and called the fire dept. My brother was brought to
the hospital where the doctors worked very hard to bring him back.
At the time, all of the family had been contacted by the hospital
and were present when he was pronounced dead.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The shedding of our physical body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried forever. I still cry. Then I pretended that it didn't happen.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Dad was living in Indianapolis, Indiana
and flew his airplane to Wisconsin to pick up my two stepsisters
and a friend. Apparently, something went wrong because he was last
known to be flying over Lake Michigan and was never seen again.
Some pieces of luggage and plane washed to shore and authorities
said that the items were believed to be from his crash.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The ache in my soul. The confusion of never, ever seeing him in
this lifetime again. Feeling a little selfish, wanting him here
so badly - but knowing without a doubt that he needed to move on
to another place.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
My family is not like this, but I have seen alot of people in our
culture almost looking forward to the death of thier elders for
monetary gain. That makes me ashamed of those people and hurt for
the elders.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have experienced my Dad's, Brother's, Sister's, Grandparents,
an Uncle, and a close friend's deaths and I am grateful for my
Heavenly Father and the comfort prayer provides, and also for those
loved ones spirits staying around for a short time giving comfort.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Prayer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The difficulty of comprehending that they will never be with me in
this life again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To be the same person/friend that you were before they were dying.
To not be indifferent or feel strange, that is still the same person
that you knew and loved before thier illness/accident etc.
--[My Self (impending)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Try not to ever take anything in life for granted. Love and Learn
and Teach as many people as you can.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Immediately after the death is the most confusing and overwhelming.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not feel like laughing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
A deep regret I have is that instead of experiencing the grieving
process when my Dad and Brother died, I turned to drugs and alcohol
to dull my senses. It wasn't that helpful and in the long run I felt
that by using, I extended the actual first painful grief-feelings
and therefore took alot longer to heal.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I was thankful at my friend's funeral to be there for his wife,
children, and mother. Because I had dealt with death quite a few
times already, I knew exactly how they were feeling and could act
accordingly for thier needs.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I felt comfort from the spirit world.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Bringing food over and almost partying like nothing ever happened.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I know that I will never "get over it" that with time dealing
with it gets easier, on the other hand, with time more and more
of my memories of my loved ones start to fade, which brings on a
different type of sadness.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might have had more of a self esteem if my Dad were still here.
My Mom never liked me too much, but my Dad was my everything and
I was loved alot by him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's not fair that I won't get to experience that beautiful spirit
anymore here.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I have a terminal illness to cope with and that just about engulfs
my every thought.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I have noticed a definite pattern in the grieving process. After
the shock comes extreme sadness, then guilt, then anger (at the
deceased), then more guilt, then anger with yourself, anger with
those around you, then the constant talk of all of the funny/good
things you remember about the deceased, then just a lonely empty
ache and sadness.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They were very sympathetic. I really feel for the doctors because
they seemed to feel the weight of the death on thier shoulders
at times.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
na
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Helped my Mom with her grief by prayers and reassurance of the
afterlife.
--Religious Affiliation:
current-none past-Mormon
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I have been very blessed in my life here. I have had many spiritual
encounters that are so wonderful and taught me so much. I know
that all human beings are part of the heavenly host and to trust
what is in my heart/spiritual conscience, pray, not to let earthly
laws or teachings break my spirit
--Regarding MONEY:
It disgusts me that funeral directors make so much money off of other
people's sorrow. They really should be a little more sympathetic.
Especially to the poor. They should have a sliding scale of fees.
My friend's grandmother gave up her burial plot because of lack of
funds to bury him. (his death was unexpected)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
In the case of my Dad's death, we never had a memorial or anything
so I just pretended that he hated my stepmother and flew to Europe
and that someday he would come and get me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
Drugs and Alcohol
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Sat Nov 11 15:02:46 2000
F16 in Woodland Hills, California =USA=
Name: Shannon
Email: <sweetgurl_05=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: High School
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 5 or 6yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: ?20-30's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the end has come, and that evenutally there has got to be an
end nothing last forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was interested in seeing if they could bring her back
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was an old neighbor in my apartment
complex. She had forgoten to take her medication, went in to the
spa and slowly fell asleep. I saw her when some guy had pulled
her out and was trying to help her, but she was gone. Also maybe
a year before that my next door neighbor had died of AIDS. Also a
couple years after, one block away from my house there was a party
where the kid who lived there was stabbed 17 times, i knew him,
it was one of my brothers friend.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the emptiness, it kinda feels like it was a dream. I would wake up
one day and decide that i wanted to talk to them, and think that
i had just had a horrible dream only to realize later that is was
not a dream
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is an end to the phsyical being, they say you go on to a better
place. Now maybe it is a heaven or reincarnation. We will miss their
presents, but i think that we should have some joy that they were
able to complete this level, and move to the next.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
you learn from both yours and others mistakes, and that you should
live your life everyday one day at a time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just to hold someone, have it be alright to cry, and them to hold
me back
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't be scared, you have nothing to fear, we all love you, and
it's gunna be alright
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i realized i could never see them again, to say hi or i'm sorry
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with this guy, to let him know that i care a lot
about him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he was brave
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how did this happen, when it doesn't matter how he got AIDS the
fact is he has it and now it has slowly become the end
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
then i have to realize that death is never fair to the loved ones
of the dying or dead person yet maybe it is to the person if he is
in pain
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried, non stop
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
that i can't get it if there is safe contact, other than that don't
be afraid help them
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i was depressed and i slit my wrist, i was crying and near death
when some one told me don't cry, it's going to be ok, people in your
life need you. Don't leave your future. then i remember waking up
to a frantic friend, trying to wake me up, and i went to a hospital
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that i miss them and wish that it could be like it was
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i feel that i would want to spend a lot of time with the ones close
to me and do everything i've ever wanted to do
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
Also avoiding what had really happend
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it made me think again about the past present and our futures.
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Fri Nov 10 13:31:22 2000
M29 in Chicago, IL =USA=
Name: Brian
Email: <sunbear=at=targetmail.zzn.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
doing research at work, stumbled across this in yahoo!
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Prof/Studies: Internet Specialist
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More personal info:
I am currently studying to work with people in holistic manner and
help them cope with life and death.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cnacer and associated treatments; Aged: 76.
--Details:
It was a painful and prolonged death. There was a great deal of
responsibility felt by family members around decisions made which
may have contributed to what many felt as an untimely death. Fro me
it was a great experience for me because I was there with him when
he passed. I was able to hold his hand and fell it when he went.
I felt a connection to the afterlife at that moment.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a stange, mystifying experience that none of us truly understands.
some have made peace with it, some believe thay have found the
answers to it, some of us believe it is the end, some of us are
just afraid.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confronted with my own mortality and the loss of this world
which I love so dearly.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Uncle Died. He was my grandfathers
brother, his last remaining. I hardly knew him, but the sense of
loss was overwhelming for awhile. I did not understand why.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How I felt guilty at my happiness of feeling that connection with
death and the afterlife while so many around me were so upset and
experiencing great grief.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how we all will die and that it is okay. If we can learn to embrace
death and not fear it so much we will learn to enjoy life more.
In fact, for me, death defines life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
during the passing of both my grandparents I was there to help
them with their transition. I was able to say that it was okay
for them to move on. It was a very powerful time in my life, and
has been a catalyst for change in my belief about death. I didn't
feel so alone in my feelings about death after they went. It seems
as though I was opened up to something new through their deaths.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I had a new connection to the spirits of my
grandparents.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having them here in this world with me any longer. I love
this place and still find that it will be hard to let it go when
the time comes.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be attentive, be caring, and support them in their leaving or
staying. But most of all, when they need to go, let them go.
They know when you cannot let them go.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
could feel them there in the room after their bodies no longer
were living. I could feel them leave when they finally left.
It was wonderful.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I could do nothing to stop it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
There was a joy to the whole thing that was unexplainable.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
learned more about how to help them prepare for death, and prepare
for the pain that come with the failing of the human body.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there with them when they went.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I felt like everything we ever shared was somehow preserved for
all time in this indescribable way.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that we express such stong grief. I know thats what they felt,
but It wasn't there for me at that time. I was so sad, but so
happy that I couldn't feel hysterical.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something or do something that somehow conjures up their
vision.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Not much really. I'd just have them around to share things with.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that they couldn't be around to share the lives of my children.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
have learned to look at it as a gift. And have used it to give
more meaning to my life and the priveledge it is to be alive.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I have a general mistrust of doctors and their ability. I also
have compassion for their position.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
there was insufficient support for them and the family.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My grandparents were devout catholics. I believe that that played
a great role in how they dealt with death and where they went
afterwards.
--Religious Affiliation:
Raised Roman Catholic. Currently I practice a personal relationship
with God and the source.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Well... Just like you said. We are all connected. It is tough
to see outside of the material, but I am working to transcend that.
--Regarding MONEY:
there wasn't any, which I see as a blessing. Although an inheritance
would have been nice financially!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was already at peace with their deaths, so I was able to be
there for those who were ust starting to come to terms with it.
My Grandparents were very beloved people, and their close time
proximity in death was a shock to many.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That I was able to come through it as well as I did.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
rapid deterioration in physical or mental capacity.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was a preparation for things to come.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
they died and left. It was just strange that I could sense it.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Had two near death experinces as a child. I think that has
contributed to my sensitivity to it.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
nothing to note.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I continue to talk to them sooo....
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I somewhatv regularly consult my dead grandparents for guidance
and wisdom. They seem real to me in this "trance" state.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Try not to take these issues personally and use them to drive a rift
between you and another loved one. There is a rare opportunity to
strengthen relationships and see the pettiness of many of our own
personal squabbling.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am still afraid of it, but I get better about visualizing and
coming to terms with it at this point.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
the ritual of "talking"to them.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to do things to honor their existence and the gifts they have
given me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
It has both brought my extended family closer, yet at the same time
was a marker for everyone to become more involved with themselves
and the direction of their life.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
Now I take a more sprirtual relationship with death. It is a dance,
even a competition of sorts. I look forward to it as much as I
fear it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I was always afraid that it was the end.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried to give support and my person insight of the whole thing
to those who were having a hard time.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was noce to think about some of the things presented here.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Not at the moment.
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Thu Nov 9 20:35:13 2000
F19 in , =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Seven sisters college student/Pre-Law; Sociology and Ethics
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: 21.
--Details:
I am not really sure the details surrounding it. He was screwing
around on a motorcycle for the first time. He was sead before his
body stopped rolling.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a vanishment of the body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and did not know the person well.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my great aunt. Died of old age. It is
not a really vivid memory.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
At first I was extremly angry at him for dying b/c he left me
so suddenly. I felt that he caused the accidenr and was being
careless. I went inti a state of disbelieval when he died, and not
ever seeing the body has resulted in not having closure. His friends
were my best friends, and since his death we do not talk. I guess
it is just too hard.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that the spirit and soul of that person can live on inside you. Death
is not the end of that person's spirit; it is merely a vanishment
of their human body.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I have learned to treat people as if every word you say/time
you see them may be the last. I hide my emotions frequently, and
since Matthew's death, I regret it immensley. I am in the process
of trying to ALWAYS tell peopel how much they mean to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my journal. There was no one I ever felt comfortable talking to,
and there still isn't. I read and write a lot. I also try to keep
myself occupied.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
All the guilt I had for treating him terribly. I feel he died
without knowing how much he meant/means to me and always will. I
wish our last words could have been kinder.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
repect their wishes. When a person is dying, they do not always
want people to see them in that state.
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found the courage to continue.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
No one was there to help me grieve. Since I am such a strong person,
they assumed I was OK.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Actually that did happen to me once, not with the recent death
though. It was the death of my uncle. I think I laughed b/c it was
the first time I had ever seen my father/and relatives cry. I wanted
to cry, but laughed instead.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him I love snd respect him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
realize that even though he is gone, he helped e become the person
I am today.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was finally able to look at the pictures of us from the last time
I saw him alive.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the cemetary. I guess it was just a surreal day that I could not
believe it was actually his bosy being lowered into the ground.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I read is letters/hear our song/ or hear about someone's death
regardless of whether I knew them or not.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It's sad to say that I would probably still be treating him
poorly. But, I do feel that somewhere down the line, it would have
gotten serious. And, there is NO doubt in my mind that we would
have been friends for life. He had so much love to give.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he left me alone.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get the courage to visit his grave.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was mad at him. I was extemely selfish.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
\
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. I am spiritual without organized religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
I don't feel my spiritual beliefs can be defined by an "affiliation".
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that his spirit has become a part of my spirit. I feel that if you
connected with a person, they always become a part of you whether
you see it or not.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many friends he had. He kept to himself a lot. It was hard
watching his other 'lover' mourn also. It seemed like a competition
between us to see who was more upset.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
to believe he was dead without seeing his body.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
writing my feelings down every step of the way helped.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel we have unresolved issues. I feel like he never knew he had
any signifigance in my life.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I wrote him a letter. I told him I loved him and was proud of him.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I was the only one to know his burial wished. I was too scared to
tell anyone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would rather not know. When I am gone, I just hope everyone knows
how much they meant to me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No, in fact my friends ignored the whole death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish someone would have been there to say "You may have lost him,
but you still have me."
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a release mechanism for some of my feelings. It also made
me a little upset though.
Enhancements: lizzybean45=at=hotmail.com
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Thu Nov 9 01:20:53 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
passage into something so great we cannot explain it. no bible or
any other text writen by any human is completly right. we do not
have the ablity to understand enough to put it in words.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was really sad for his family, and his really close friends. but at
the same time i, in some odd way, knew that his was OK and that
tearing yourself up with depressed thoughts is not good for any one
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a kid in my 5th or 6th grade class had a
heart attack on the playgroung before school.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
it really brought me closer to my family.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
people are selfish when some one they love dies, and that's not fair.
being very sad is understandable, but dwelling on it and letting
it eat you up will only kill the soul of the poeple still alive
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that we die. this can't be the highest plane of knowledge.
dear god i hope not. death is life, you can't have one without
the other
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just remembering every beautiful moment
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing what it did to those around me
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i love you and it's ok to die, every living thing does just as
every living thing is born. (and that's probably worse)
--[My Step-parent's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
look back and see that maybe all the bad stuff wasnt really as bad
as it was
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it has always been a pretty simple concept
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that was me remembering, how else do people want to be remembered?
i want people to laugh when they think of me, not cry
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be a better person before they died
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help when i was needed
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my new aunt came over from asia with my uncle, she spoke no english
and yet she grieved for her husbands mother, whom she had never met.
she cared for a family that needed her then, a family that she
never met, and could not speak to.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
crying non-stop. lots of tears were shed but i think everyone felt
like they did not want to be overwhelmed with sadness, we wanted
to remember her greatness and warmth
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i remember some thing good. i cry stil, but like you might cry at
a wedding
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was happy i understood, could let go, and feel happy for that person
because they are free
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
it wasn't very hard on me, it was sad but more than that it was
strange
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
I deal with death very well I feel
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Wed Nov 8 13:50:08 2000
F24 in Monroe, Michigan =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
referred by my college professor as a writing assignment
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Prof/Studies: Education major, student, waitress.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: aut0 accident; Aged: 54.
--Details:
Out with his wife and 4 other friends after a cookout, he was driving
home from a bar (not a usual hangout) when he went off the road and
rolled his van into a large ditch. Yes he was under the influence
of alcohol. Died at the time of accident because of broken bones
in his neck and back.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving those we love on earth to never seeing us again, and going
to a greater state of afterlife.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really understand what it was like because I have never had
anyone close to me die, that I was aware of. ( I was a baby when
my grandfathers died.)
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my ex boyfriend's grandmother who I had only
met a few times moved from Florida to Michigan when she found
out she had cancer. I went to help take care of her when none
of her real family members could. She died with in a few weeks.
I didn't know her that well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
regreting all of the times I didn't make time or go out of my way
to return a call or visit. Regret for not making the best of the
time we could have spent together.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how it should bring you closer to those you still have in your life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my father did in a sense take his own life by drinking and driving,
but luckily he didn't kill anyone else.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the few friends that were there for me at the funeral home or during
the funeral services. Even though many did not know my dad they
sat with me to help pass the time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to be included in any decisions. My stepmother did
what she wanted without asking me, my brothers or sister or even
my grandmother. (my dad was her only son).
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't understand, being there for a person who is sick and
dieing, paying respects to the dead person, or being there for a
family member?
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
walked away from my stepmother, didn't argue but still have not given
a moment of time to her. She was in the wrong for not including
us in sharing any of my dads personal items, and it will all come
back to her someday.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we had to leave the funeral home for the last time. Knowing there
wasn't another day to sit and watch friends and coworkers come and
pay respects. It was the ending to my dad'd death and I remember
thinking that I would take seeing him a casket over never seeing
him again. Now what?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helps to remember there are still other people in your life that
know at that time they need to help lift you up. Laughing is a
stress reliever.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my dad. Take my son to visit him more often
just really get to know him, as an adult, not his daughter.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my grandmother. My dad was her only child and my
grandfather has been dead for over 23 years. Her family was all she
clung onto. Being able to make her smile a few times in that week
helped me feel like I was lifting taking some of her pain for her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we picked my dad's wallet up from the police station and I looked
through it. This upset my stepmom and she didn't understand,
but just to see things with his handwriting on it felt good, like
a comfort zone. Also for some type of closure I wrote my dad a
letter, folded it and put it in his suit pocket. It was burned
with him when he was cremated, but I helps me feel like I tried to
say what I felt and goodbye.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that he was drinking. My dad always went out, drank and had a
good time. He lived his life fully socially, with hobbies, very
career orientated etc... It was no suprise to us that drinking
and driving killed him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a song by Mariah Carey called One Sweet Day. I had never
heard it until I was leaving the funeral home one day for lunch
and it explained how I felt about my dad to a T.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I see us spending more holidays together, casual time and the
fishing trip he always want to take my son on but I never had time.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
my stepmom gets all the pictures, clothes, family mementums, and
what ever else may be a happy reminder of my dad.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have a few minutes to talk with him, to tell him how I felt before
his death, how I wanted us to be, and how his death affected us.
I really want to know why he went to the bar he went to the night
he died. It was so out of his way, and not familiar to him. For 20
years he only went to one bar.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
replayed over and over in my head the last time I talked to my dad.
Wishing I would've went to see him on Thanksgiving, thinking there
will never be another, "I won't leave a message, I will call later."
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they were able to give us comfort in saying he died "at the moment
of collision". He did not suffer. Had he survived he would have
been paralyzed from the neck down, and my dad would have never been
happy to be alive like that.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My older brother is a pastor and he gave the services at my dads
funeral which made it very personal and my dad's style.
--Religious Affiliation:
Never went to church regularly still don't
--Regarding MONEY:
My stepmom said it was cheaper for her to cremate my father plus she
wasn't ready to let go of him. My grandmother would have paid any
money to have him buried in Canada with my grandfather and where
she too will be buried some day.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i was shocked that the first day of his showing my dad had over
200 "visitors" It made me feel good to hear about all of the nice
things my dad did for a lot of retired, older, poor, men and women,
mostly vets. Even though he wasn't an award winning father, he
touched many deeply.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
getting a mental image of my dad laying in the casket with his
Marine Corps tie I bought him in a double widsor, looking peaceful.
I studied him so intensly for the last few minutes we were allowed
to see him, I will always be able to put that image in my head when
I need to see him.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There were unresolved issues but I look at it as my dad and I were
both trying to meet in the middle and progressed alot for the little
time we had together, making things work before his death.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I stated this earlier.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have weird dreams about my dad. That he is dead but I can visit
him at the cemetary, which he isn't even buried. Once I had a
dream his head was his headstone and he could talk and he told me
he was gay. Very bizare.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be a nicer person to those around me and tell eachone
how I feel. Little things wouldn't matter, someone staining your
new sweater. I would make the best of my time with those I love.
Tell them to make happy lives for themselves without me, for them
to be happy.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Like I stated earlier I wrote my dad a note the day before he was
cremated and told him how I felt in the past, how I planned on us
being and what I loved/disliked about him. I put this in his suit
coat pocket.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
This was pretty much a one time thing. I do tend to try to talk
to my dad when I say my prayers at night.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
There were a lot of people who worked with my dad that I knew but
didn't know they knew eachother until I saw them at the funeral home.
These people alway seem to go out of their way to listen to me when I
saw them. We aren't real close but they were there to share great
stories of my dad when I need to hear something.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My boyfriend of 3 years (at the time 5 years now) could have
been there for me more. He had never met my dad and had lost his
own brother. So the funeral home was not a easy place for him.
I tried to understand but of the 4 days of showings and services
I would have liked my boyfriend to have been there for me for more
than the military service.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it was very to the point but sensitive. It helped me realize
that others are probably answering these questions and maybe feeling
the same way. Like still having a bit of hard feelings and regret,
I know this is ok. If I was the only one feeling this way these
topics would not have been covered.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
The eigth question seems to have put me through a loop. I don't
understand who the main focal person is to be.
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Mon Nov 6 19:53:16 2000
M15 in Ganite bay, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looked in psychology on yahoo
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More personal info:
fine
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, less than a yr ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
somethin we can't understand. We can't just give up and live we
have to trust that life is not all we have. We all know that we
will die but none of us like to deal with it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
told myself that i always hated him
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother said donna has bone cancer she will
be dead in 2 years
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
letting it just be like a birth. It's just a change. it's part of
the process
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that you better do something important. Just pretend nothing happens
after death and live of of that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my chance to live
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
forgiveness
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
nowing they would always be absent from my life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do what you love
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
love everyone who i care about
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the funeral was over
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
you need to stop worrying
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
learn gardening from my grandfather
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him before he died
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
held those close to me closer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Mon Nov 6 17:33:35 2000
F18 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, a month ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone dies there gone shut off and not apart of the world
anymore..
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt know how to except it, it didnt seem like it was true and it
still doesnt.
--That first time, how it happened was
it was my cousin, it was a car accident she was in a coma for about
almost 2 weeks.... after that they took her off life support when
there was no more they could do she died about a month ago..
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone crying and trying to think of her being at peace now.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that life is very precious and to hold on to it as long as you can.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
im happy that i met my cousin and that we were so close cause she
taught me alot about who i am and other certain things.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and my boyfriend...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing them more then i have ever missed them before and knowing
that there not a phone call or a few states away anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them know that you love them very much and that your there
for them.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
think that life is more precious and i have all these memories that
flood my head of my cousin now and most of the times it makes me
smile sometims it makes me very sad.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they took her off life support, i couldnt understand why they just
didnt leave her alone and let her heal and just give her time for
her brain to stop being swollen.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
at the wake when i first saw her i was in total shock i barely even
remember it. but i remember i took a seat and i stared at her and i
just started remembering some funny times we had and i just wanted
to laugh out loud..haha.. but i stopped myself.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye to her, and have been able to hang out with her one
last time...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her at the wake.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when ever i think about it i cry, i dont think i will ever have
a dry eye again when i think about her. It scares me to know that
im going ot be in that situation someday and im the one who people
will be crying about.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
if i had the chance to change things and she was still alive i would
have spent more time with her and replied to her letters more often
then i did
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yeah, its not fair, of all the horrible criminals in this world my
innocent cousin was killed...makes no sense
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream, or punch someone..
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still have not really grasped the fact that she is gone, i cant let
go for some reason to me she is still in florida just as normal as
she was.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i dont have a religion i think that if there was a god then she
wouldn not have died.
--Religious Affiliation:
was catholic when i was little but i dont follow any religion..
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that most of her friends were not there, and that alot of people
were there for her parents.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realizing that im not invisible and my family isnt either.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i have regrets but she knows i love her and thats all that matters
right now.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i wouldnt want to know.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i write down my feelings or i cry...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
my boyfriend has helped tremendously
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
being afraid of death
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Mon Nov 6 06:22:59 2000
F51 in Wilmington, DE =US=
Name: Kay
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto-erotica; Aged: 37.
--Details:
Extremely shocked...I didn't even know what "auto-erotica" was! I've
sinced moved on with my life, but still wish for an opportunity to
speak with him; hear him answer my questions; and tell him I still
love him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
no more signs of life within an organism, whether human, animal,
vegitation...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt like someone had taken the person very far away; suddenly they
were simply gone and I would never see them again.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Great-Aunt had to leave her home to enter a nursing care facility;
my parents were asked to help distribute her household goods &
brought me along with them. She died a short time later in the
nursing home.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Why? I kept asking myself "why?" and still do.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to do more research; find out what really happens on a physical
level, instead of publishing a lot of paranormal or religous
hypotheses. Make death the real & natural part of living that it
should be...all the "fearful unknown" stuff drives people crazy.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the valuable life lessons I learned from myloved ones while we were
still together. Knowledge unshared is a terrible waste of something
most precious.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Moving away and being totally on my own, in a new city where I
didn't know anyone at all. My family & friends back home wanted to
"wallow" in grief, and I simply didn't have time for that.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Waiting for him to suddenly reappear, and explain everything to
me, only to realize this was impossible. There's no closure to a
situation like this.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Right now, my mother's dying, and I tell her that she's always
with me and always will be; she's never as far away from me as
my own heart. I tell her that I don't like "good-bye" so we say
"so long for now."
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
would open the door on "auto-erotica" to save lives, to save
families.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
His family asked me to put his glasses on him at the viewing. My
thoughts were, "He's sleeping; he never wears his glasses when he
goes to bed." I think viewings are barbarous.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
unfortunately, I couldn't laugh...I was too busy trying to cover
up the real cause of his death to spare his family's feelings. I
didn't want to cause him any embarrassment.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know about my husband's compulsion so that we could have confronted
and resolved it together.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
make peace with his death and my situation in my own way; by myself.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I don't know.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
telling me to call them and talk. Just being quiet and sorting out
my thoughts privately was more important to me than spreading the
grief around.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
everyday...I wish for an opportunity to speak with my husband,
to see him again.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have the courage to open wider the doors of communication...I
would make him feel more secure to discuss sensitive issues with
me. I would make a difference!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I thought I "knew" him. The guilt he carried thru our years together
must have been so overwhelming; and it was all so unnecessary. I
could have helped him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Actually, it's not that difficult. I have questions without
answers...no closure...but it's not a forever thing; one day,
I'll know everything.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
relied on something I learned in physics class. Nothing ever dies,
it just changes shape.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community wasn't involved in my experience.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that they didn't know anything more than I did. My relationship with
God is, quite thankfully, on a higher level than what's available
on earth.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptised Catholic...that's a far as it goes.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
all my loved ones are somewhere; I don't know where, maybe their
spirits exist only in my memories.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was of no consequence...I paid for his funeral, his family firmly
decided where he would be buried, I sold our home and moved away.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The shock on everyone's faces. He was still a young man.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My mother-in-law telling me that my husband/her son, was now in
heaven with her deceased husband/his step-father. Obviously she
wasn't aware that her son hated his step-father.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
There weren't any in my experience.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
accepting all my feelings as normal helped a great deal; anger,
sadness, I allowed everything to flow freely, it seemed natural.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my husband seemed to speak to me thru music -- certain songs
would create an "electric" sensation that I cannot describe. I
remember one song just 2 days after his death "Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air, I never thought I could be so free..." I never
watched the TV show associated with that song...then all of a sudden
it was playing in a drugstore where I was. I felt charged, or full
of static, and somehow knew it was coming from him -- can I prove
it? No. But I know it to be true.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There's no resolving the cause of my husband's death. Taking an
active role in preventing auto-erotica from killing others would
definitely help...but it's not a subject that people want to
discuss. Really ticks me off!
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask for forgiveness, assure him that I love him still,
and express my sorrow for not creating an atmosphere in which he
might have felt safe to discuss sensitive issues.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Dreams: my husband, my father. But the dreams have become less
frequent over time, which makes me feel they're more associated
with my memories than with any visits from the "other side."
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Set specific wishes down in writing as early as possible. We'd
talked about cremation (we believed that cemeteries are a gross
waste of land), but as we had no legal documentation to support this,
his family did it THEIR way.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Not at this time...I'm too preoccupied with living, you see.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Being alone and speaking to my deceased loved ones; not long,
drawn-out conversations, but more like prayers. Just my way of
remembering them and, if they really can hear me, then that's
a bonus.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Just a short pause each day to remember my husband and my father.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
It changed me. My growth in this regard attracted new friends,
and being in a strange new town helped, too.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Visiting every single family gravesite on Memorial Day...I hated it.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I found a book of African poetry in a small shop, it reminded me
of my supervisor at work. When she arrived at the viewing, I gave
her the book. She expressed amazement that i would be thinking of
her at such a time...it amazed me, too, because it just felt like
the natural thing to do.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I could finally express my experiences outwardly...I didn't handle
my situation as most others I've known have handled their's. For
a while, I felt like "Abby Normal" -- but no more.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You've done a great job. My deepest thanks to all!!
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Sun Nov 5 14:35:42 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Email Message ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Tibetan Book of the Dead
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 40.
--Details:
overdose of Welbutrin
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body has no life and disappears for ever. The spirit leaves
for another realm.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't feel much - it was a strange feeling, noty feeling anything.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My father dies of heart disease when I was
11 y/o
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sitting beside the dead person
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
is that it has joyous aspects too
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the person involved may have found some peace
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
words of understanding that I was not to blame for the suicide
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feelings of guilt
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
share some very beautiful times with the person involved
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It might be utterly confused.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't stop shivering and shaking
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Sat Nov 4 20:54:46 2000
F54 in Reno, Nevada =USA=
Name: Gloria Greco
Email: <dennisgloria=at=acninc.net>
Web: http://WWW.gloria.50megs.com
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Writer/Publisher/Foster Parent
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More personal info:
You can post this. I know my experience is quite different but
you know, there will come a day when many people will have this
experience.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 76.
--Details:
My mother had been very ill for twelve years. She came to the
point in her illness that she did not want to go on life support,
my father/sisters were still holding on to her so she ended up
going on life support twice, she was angry about this. I had to
go to the intensive care team and have a meeting so that we could
take her off life support, she died about three days later. She
could only really talk to me about her death, she was to attached
to other family members since they were also holding onto her. But
she told me since she knew I was not afraid of death to tell them
not to do this to her. She did have a living will drawn up after the
first life support episode. But, the air ambulance put her on life
support while transporting her to the hospital... so they didn't
have access to the living will at the time, then it was my job to
get her unhooked. This was more difficult then her death because
I knew what she wanted. She actually waited to be left alone to
die. She only had one hour to do it in since there was always
someone in my family with her even in the hospital. After being
off life support she died in just this one hour. From my viewpoint,
it is not all that easy to die, and sometimes family members make
it harder on the individual because of their attachments to them. I
knew what my mom was going through and was with her in it, everyone
was greatly relieved after it was over. I never cried even because I
was working with her on the process. I see life and death as natural
issues which we should rejoice in and take away the terrible fears
and ideas which are associated with the experience.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
made to be a dreadful experience which we try to push away from
us instead of embrace. I feel that the experience of death is
wasted because of people's attachment to their ideas, families,
friends. We rejoice when a person is born and celebrate, we should
also rejoice when the person is reborn into the next leg of their
journey. If we did this, we would be with them in the experience and
they could share the experience from a totally different place of
understanding. I have been with many people who have passed over now,
I think people are drawn to me because of how I see this process. If
you work with people to embrace the opportunity to let go and to
move into their higher will it takes away all of the dark mystery of
the experience. I have conscious out of body experiences frequently,
which I've had since childhood... this experience is not different
from the death experience with the exception you no longer have a
connection to the body. I have also recognized in an out of body
experience that I was no longer connected to the body and actually
didn't know if I would make it back to it. In that experience, I
wasn't sure if the time had actually come for me to move on. I did
have an attachment to my husband that brought me back, so even in
this...I saw how attachments is what make it hard to move on. This
is where we need to work from on this situation so that we work to
free ourselves of the need to hold on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was happy to help the person to the other side. I actually meet
them out of body and work with them on the other side. I also see
my mother and others quite often after they go over so that this
connection is not severed because of death. It only changes what
is experienced and how the person has to deal with the process
without a body. When people die from a car accident for instance,
like a friend of mine, it was very difficult for her to accept she
was dead. It has taken her a long time to work with this. This is
when people get caught up in their own thought form and will go on
creating on the other side as though they were still here. The work
I've been taught to do on the other side is to help them remember
the experience so the individual will move on and rest into the
experience. This is not easy either.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was through the death of a man very close
to my family. I knew he was a good man and was with God.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
because she was totally prepared for it by working on this side,
what a wonderful experience it was for her and her family. She
quite literally learned to detach and move with her faith. This
was the ideal process. The day before her death she was at home
and got up and gave her husband instructions about what to do when
people started to come. She wanted her house picked up. He wanted
her in bed and she looked at him and said...Bill, your in my space,
I'm talking to you now about this. He smiled and let it go. She
died with a smile on her face.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a glorious process not against you but for you. It is
like changing garments, the easier you deal with the process the
easier it is to work on the other side. Every person experiences
the other side in sleep so it is not like they don't go there,
but they don't remember or bring back the process which is quite
beautiful. I was blessed with the ability to remember and work on
both sides. This is really all that is missing. If we embraced the
process, it would change everything.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it exists so that we have new opportunities to grow and
learn. People now days think they want to live older and older
because this world is all they know, this is just an illusion. The
part we have to work with is the whole picture, we are soul/spirits
and here we go getting stuck in bodies. This is rather dumb if you
recognize what the process is.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I have not looked to any of these. All I have is my own memories and
conscious experiences from both sides. Since I was a baby I could
see into the spirit world, very much like the child in The Sixth
Sence, only I was not afraid because they were not dark and ugly
to me. Those who were not of the higher vibrations I was taught to
challenge by my connection to God, and in doing this you move away
from those frequencies of spirit. Just as we live in the world
where there are ranges of vibrations, the same thing happens on
the other side. I was taught this. Like in everything else, we are
responsible for the frequency of our thoughts, and the energies we
work with in body, when we are negative there is a price for this
on the other side because you attrack lower energies. When you are
conscious of vibrations in this world you also are conscious of it
on the other side.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
other people. It is hard for me to be around the attitudes that
people have about death because it is so I, me, mine oriented. It
is not about the person in the experience, if it was they would
be working like the dickens to assist at that level. I have
compassion for people who don't know this and work to help them to
open up to what the truth is, when they do all of the fear simply
evaporates. Then the individual deals with their own thoughts of
losing the person, sometimes they open up in such a way though that
they connect up on the other side and then it is truly a celebration.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
lift the vibrations into that of love and acceptance. I believe
the last moments in the process are the most important seconds in
a lifetime. It should be the individual releasing themselves into
the hand of their God through 'thy will and not mine, I come to you
lord.' Because even those people who don't think they believe in
God suddenly find out they want one in that moment. I would work
to help the person get to that focus so in the surrendering they
are also opening the door to the next phase of the journey. Much
work needs to be done in order to get there I'm afraid.
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
What I would put in this area of specification is sisters and
brothers in life...I can honestly say people want to hear what I
tell them in this process because inside they know it is true from
their out of body experiences in sleep.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was out of body and didn't know if I would get back because I
could not see the connection to the body. At that moment I honestly
thought I had disconnected, I saw my husband and I moved through
him by entering through the back of him... to tell him not to freak
if he woke up in the morning and I didn't wake up next to him. In
doing this, it brought me back in.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
you remembered that this is all natural and really what a lovely
process it is when we get into the correct state of mind.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
with one friend, I would have worked with her differently had I
known how close she was to going over. She had not prepared and
therefore needed help on the other side.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be of service on the other side.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mother understood that I was with her on the other side and
nothing had really changed except that she didn't have a body. I
also asked her not to be visiting my father a lot because he wasn't
ready to join her. My father had told me she was pulling him. I
asked her to stop it. She did. My father is 83 soon to be 84 and
he is having a wonderful time.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
trying to be there with the person. In my mom's case she was waiting
to be left alone so she could let go. Mom was ready, she just needed
to let go.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
this is attachment, it is what we have to learn here in our bodies
so that we know that it is an illusion. When you know that you are
still with them and connect on the other side this fear will leave.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The truth is you do connect up on the other side, what is different
depends on the mind. If the mind is still set on the normal
activities on this side, you would be working and carrying on as
usual. It takes someone like me to point out to the person on the
other side, they are not with a body anymore so to let it go. Then
they move on.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
again, this is because you are to much into thinking that the body
is who you are. It is not, the body is a vehicle to use, it is not
who you are in the least.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see the truth. You will one day.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
have experienced missing people because they are no longer in the
body I came to enjoy being with. But this is illusion, they are
still with us, just in another state.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
more education of the after life is still needed. If we educate
people to understand the process it would be very different how
we moved through or dealt with death. The most work is in helping
people here to let go and flow with the person detaching from the
body. People can make it very hard to do this.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they are necessary to correct the fear. We have to lift people up
when they are caught up in the disease energy, we also can teach
detachment so that they can observe their bodies being sick. In this,
they will see it but not have to experience the pain in the same way.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
cleaning up the memories and letting go. Having the last rites for
most people is an important part of the letting go. People need to
be assured that they are going on, there is more.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am Catholic. When we saw the priest at church he told me how sorry
he was that we lost our mother. I told him I wasn't sorry because
I could see her on the other side and she was fine. I was glad the
pain was over. This may sound hard but the truth is we should not
prolong life when it makes it harder on the person in the process.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true, we know deep down what the process is.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was unimportant. People who connect up to the truth know that
this world is illusion and they don't need the things of this world
where they go.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the beautiful things that people felt about my mother. We actually
celebrated her life, it was wonderful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
helping others to understand it which means dealing with their own
fears of mortality.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the shutting down of the body, how it manifests to the eyes of
the living, but also how it manifests to the experience in it. The
person in it...if they are not being pulled into the body enter into
a dreamscape which is not bad at all. It is when they have to stay
with the person with them that they experience the body shutting
down. This has to be very uncomfortable. I watched a surgery once
from the ceiling of the operating room listening to the doctors
talk about motor cycles, I was very glad I didn't have to be in
the body experiencing what they were doing. This is the thing, we
kind of pull the person into their bodies to be with us because we
don't want them to go.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
we can make it easier by learning what it is and that we all have
to let go. I would love to see people open up and learn more
about coming in and out of their bodies while they are alive,
so in death...they will know exactly what to do.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I help them get there. This is all they need to experience to know
that the fear/attachment is all that stops them from moving on. We
have all experience this many times, when we get to this point...we
are reminded of this.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
This experience is something that each of us have without even
being near death. I would like to see people remember more about
the other side. It always changes their lives, one day it will be
remembered by all and all of the illusion will be gone. This is
where we have to go collectively if we are going to grow.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I suggest opening the mind to work things through in your sleep. If
you are healing and needing to mend scars with a person, work on
it inside of yourself and in God's mercy it will be resolved in a
way that you can know it is done.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If a person learns to go within and actually opens up to God's Will
for them, then from a higher state of consciousness the conversations
can still manifest. We all need love even if we are on the other
side. Any feeling of love, and a prayer sent in the persons name,
goes directly to them as a burst of energy/light. Know this.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I will take you to the other side of this. I was married three
months to my husband at the ripe age of 17. In a dream I was with
a beautiful little blond girl in a lovely garden. She asked me if
I can come for her. I said...what a great idea. I woke up and told
my husband, told him we had to do it then, and nine months later
she was born. This shows how we connect up to people on the other
side, in this case, I knew her before she had a body. This would
be a before life experience instead of an after life one. I don't
think people think much about this. It also works on the other end.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My husband knows that I will not prolong life to try to stay here for
a week, a month or year. I would not do this to him and I would not
do it to myself. We have this understanding. My children also know
how I am with this subject so it is not a problem. I feel people
don't want to face the subject, but when you do and you live with
it as a true adventure, it is an adventure every day.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would not put it off for one moment. To live alive to the
moment means to experience every second, this one to me is the
most important second a person can live. Who you are in that second
determines everything that will happen on the other side. I embrace
this process, and rejoice in the grace of God that has been given
to me in the ability to self remember.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Yes, connect up on the other side, then you know it for what it
is. If you are to attached you make it harder. I would suggest
praying to release and accept, then when you are ready you will
have the communication on the other side.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
This is life, until we deal with death we can't really live fully
because you want to push this part of the experience away. It is
a full circle, how can we live life to its fullness if we want to
avoid the experience which we are moving into.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
When you connect with someone in a real heart to heart...soul to
soul way, that connection will never leave. It is just a fact.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I was able to see spirits at night and still remembered the other
side, I knew there was nothing to be afraid of.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
nothing, I felt it was a natural process.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I connect up with people who are dying on the other side. When they
remember this, and quite a few have...they know it is an illusion. We
are soul spirits. My mom used to tell my dad Gloria was just here. He
would say I wasn't, but I was, I was just their out of body.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is very good to have this conversation. I would like to take
the questionaire and place it on my homepage. Is this possible?
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Let me sleep on it.
Enhancements: my homepage is http://www.gloria.50megs.com
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Sat Nov 4 12:47:27 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 year ago ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease; Aged: 70.
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--Death Is:
forever
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried alot... and cried and wanted to be alone
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandma died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
emptyness and painful for my dad and grandpa
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can happen to anyone and any time so live life while your alive
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my grandma died my boyfriend dumped me which at the time made
things werse but he was a big dickhead and i'm VERY happy we broke
up , he was the biggest mistake of my life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
walk in woods and movie
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to see my grandpa cry all the time they were in true love
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
actually to be there helping them be happy before they go
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
and my family picked up the pieces and kept going
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we werew told she actually died
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it happened and its over
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have spent more time with her,in the last few years
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know she wasn't in pain anymore
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i went a day without thinking about it
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
talking about it
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when i go walking in the woods or soemthing natury i cry
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she didn't do anything to deserve this
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just couldn't believe i'd never see her again
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
she was religious i dont' goto church but i went for the first
time in a church to goto her funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
aethiest
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
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Fri Nov 3 17:33:52 2000
F21 in TOKOROA, SOUTH WAIKATO =NEW ZEALAND=
Name: DAYNA WILLIAMS
Email: <DAYNA_KATHLEEN=at=HOTMAIL.COM>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Followed a link
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Prof/Studies: TECHNICAL ASSISTANT
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: Pneumonia and Cancer; Aged: 74.
--Details:
Was at a hospice for the last days of his life, purely pallative
care.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the body, the release of the soul.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
dont really remember except for my mother crying.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my uncle was killed in a car accident at 21
years old. ( I was 4 at the time )
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How the whole family all shared memories and experience while
gathered around Grandad's bed.
--What I think my (NEW ZEALAND) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not frightening.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The understanding that it is not the end, if you believe.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Faith.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Feeling I had to be strong for the others.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
TALK TO THEM.. they are not dead yet!
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
began to grieve before he died.. it made the process easier
afterwards.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
We first knew he was dying, not being able to help.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is the best medicine. There was a lot of laughter around
my Grandads bed, coffin and grave!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell him I loved him more often.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Say goodbye while he was still concious.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The nurses came to confim Grandad was dead, the care they took,
even though he was dead, really put our minds at ease.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
That he was dead.. we still talked to him for hours.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I drink rum!! (Grandads favourite drink)
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I know that we would all be quite happy!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That he had to go before he saw his grandchildren grow.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
See him once more and say hi
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Collapsed at home and bawled for hours.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Thankfullness. Grandad was given the best care possible.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They are a godsend. We were able to spend the 3 days before his
death with him 24 hours a day, all 20 of us! The staff were very
compassionate and understanding.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Grandad knew he was going to heaven. It was a relief to know he
is somewhere nice.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian of no particular church.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Correct.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was taken care of in advance. (prepaid funeral)
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How everyone enjoyed the experience.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Although we were all very tired, none of us wanted to sleep.. we
were running on empty for 3 days yet we had a wonderful time!
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just to tell him I love him, I know he know it already!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The morning of Grandads funeral, I had a dream just before I was
fully awake, of Grandad in his favourite chair, smiling at me, and
I got the feeling that he was OK, he was at peace, and he wanted
me to be OK too. I woke up feeling better than I had for days,
and an aura of peace was with me in the weeks to follow. Many of
the family also had this dream, or similar experiences.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If the person was in a sound mind, their wishes should be granted
(i.e. grandad had a non-rescus order)
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Being closer to certain family members that had not been particularly
close too before.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was helpful to write down my experience... helps to close the
small wounds that remain.
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Wed Nov 1 11:06:38 2000
F29 in , =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, less than a month ago.
Cause of Death: arthritis of the lungs; Aged: 57.
--Details:
This person was actually my mother in law. She had gone in for
a lung biopsy on a Wednesday and passed away 9 days later. The
disease progressed so fast that there was nothing that could be
done to save her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
painful, never really expected, and sometimes guilt inducing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really didn't know what it meant because i was only 7.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my uncle died of a massive stroke
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
We were in the room with my mom in law when she passed away and the
things that i remember vividly are the cloud of grief that blanketed
the room, a feeling that i still having found of word that describes
what i feel like when the line on her heart monitor went flat, and
the sounds of sobbing that everyone emitted when her heart stopped.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to treat the people who have lost a memeber of their family.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Being able to be there when this wonder human being passed out of
my life and my being able to see for myself that she passed away
in peace and not in pain because she had suffered enough pain over
the last couple of months of her life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My kids and best friend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Having to watch my husband go through it and not being able to do
a damned thing to take away or even ease his pain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know that you love them. Never let them question for a
minute whether or not you love them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
we needed the release and that is what my mom in law would have
expected from us. Seeing us cry made her sad and stressed her out and
her knowing that we weren't always crying would have made her happy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my mom in law that i was sorry for acting so childish and
selfish towards her at the beginning of mine and my husbands
marriage and that i loved her and how much she meant to me. And,
i would call it regret because, although, i was close to her the
last couple years of her life, i lost out on a lot not realizing
sooner how much she meant to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there when she passed away. Although it was one of the hardest
things that i have ever gone through, it will always remain special
to me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see my husband sitting really quite with a distant look on his
face. I know that he is thinking about his mom and is hurting and
that sends me into tears.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be spending more time with her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she has to suffer so much and die so young because she was a
wonderful person
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time and live it all over again so that i could change
the way that i treated her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
fell apart and cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I think that the doctors that she went to two months ago should
have done more for her than what they did. If they had diagnosed
the arthritis in her lungs and treated it instead of diagnosing
pneumonia and treating it, she might have had more time with us. And,
as for the doctors that took care of her at the end of her life,
i wish that they would have laid everything out on the table and
told us that she was going to die one way or another instead of
giving her and us hope. They told us that a ventilator was her only
hope so we had to go through watching her on that damned thing and
it didn't help her at all.
--Religious Affiliation:
None
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
real. I believe in a higher plain and that, unless we were really
evil on earth, we all get there regardless of whether or not we
sit in a church pew every Sunday.
--Regarding MONEY:
there were a few people who only seemed to be concerned about money
and i thought that it was ridiculous.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
chaotic and mind numbing.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
rigor mortis and how cold and waxy she felt after she had been
embalmed.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
heart rate, breathing, oxygen absorption.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
let yourself grieve, don't hold back. If you feel like crying, cry.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i wasn't aware of any that my mother in law had.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
The only thing that i can hope for is that she knew how much i cared
about her. I did tell her that i loved her when i went in to see
her at the hospital (when i wasn't crying and was able to speak)
and i hope that she knew before she passed away.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope that i would be able to tell her that i love her and
that i was sorry for the way that i treated her in the past and i
would tell her how much that she actually meant to me. I would also
tell her how wonderful she was. She treated me better than my own
mother has and i would tell her how much that meant to me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I haven't had a vision of my mother in law yet, although i would
like to because i would like to know that she is alright (i would
also like my mom in law to come back and visit my husband so that
he knows that she is all right), but my husbands aunt said that she
had a dream where my mother in law (dressed in a red mini skirt
like she always used to where) was hugging her mother in law (my
father in law's mother). I did have dream about my father a couple
of months after he died where he was all dressed in white astride
an all white horse that was standing in the middle of our living
room. He never said anything to me, just sat astride the horse.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A living will. I don't want to EVER be put on a ventilator and i
want it known that i don't EVER want to be put on one. My husband
knows and i made him promise that he would never be put on one.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I never used to be scared of dying until i had kids. Now i'm
petrified of it. I don't want to die. I want to be the one to raise
my kids and God willing, i want to see my grandkids grow up.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
With my father in law. Although i have always liked him, he used
to intimidate me, but now, i go up, hug him, tell him i love and
tell him goodbye before i leave.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
my age....i was too young to really know what was going on.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to hold them and be there to listen if someone needs to talk
and just to be held.
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See Oct 00 contributions.
See Sep 00 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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