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See Current contributions.
See Sep 00 contributions.
See Aug 00 contributions.
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Tue Oct 31 21:13:41 2000
F58 in St Louis, Missouri =USA=
Name: Tangerine
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I enjoy doing tests, experiments, research, surveys, etc., so looked
for a site.
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Prof/Studies: none
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More personal info:
You may post the fact I am a lesbian
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: complications of brain disease; Aged: 78.
--Details:
I kept hoping that she could stay at some level in the deterioration
I witnessed, and yet every time I saw her she had slipped further.
It was like watching a film on a reel unwind backward until there's
no film left on the reel. In the end she could not talk, could
not even blink, could not eat, and had no idea where she was,
and she shook all over. It was very very hard to deal with
because I knew my father wasn't taking very good care of her,
and yet I couldn't bear to be there. My father and I do not get
along well. I lived over 200 miles away and felt unable to help
much. In the end witnessing her suffering erased all bad things
that I had ever held against her, I was able to forgive her, and
feel compassion for her. I was there the day she died, but not
at the moment she died--I wish I had been there at that moment.
I feel she waited until I could get there so we could have a sense
of goodbye between us. Because her blood pressure was like 60 over
40, it makes me feel there was some devine intervention in order
for her to still be alive. I didn't cry at the funeral, but
driving back to my home I cried all the way until I could barely
see how to drive. And finally the only place I could go to to
be where she was was at her gravesite. I went there a month or so
after she died and did what I call keening.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of organic life on this planet.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young for it to effect me, although in some way I understood
what it meant. Back then, when I was a very young child, life was
so simple. We actually believed that the blue sky over our heads
was heaven and that when someone good died that was where they went
and they were happy there.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father's mother passed away from a stroke.
This would have been back in the 1940's. I was quite young, I
don't know exactly what my age was at the time, but pre-school age.
The coffin was placed on a table or something, it was in the
livingroom, and all the relatives and immediate family came.
In those days people sat up with the dead for 2 to 3 days.
Female cousins who were close to me in age were there and we all
sat and talked and played on this big bed in one of the rooms.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how she deteriorated and I couldn't stop it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
funerals don't need to be expensive.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
is the fact I got to say goodbye to her, and I don't have to worry
about her any longer living in that horrible old shack they lived in.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my lesbian partner
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
bringing it all back again, crying again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just hold their hand, speak softly, offer comfort, just let them
know someone is there with them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
no answer on this.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the funeral home lady who dresses the deceased was so concerned
about me getting underwear for her, and a bra for her. I got the
panties, but I didn't get a bra--I didn't know what size to get,
she had lost so much weight, and I felt what the hell difference
did it makes anyway.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't find anything to laugh about at the time. I cried for
months afterwards. Everything I saw reminded me of her. At first
I wondered how long it would be before I could quit crying every
day--and then when a day came that I didn't cry I felt a little
guilty that I didn't.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take her to specialists in St. Louis, maybe they could have done
something. Gotten her away from my inept father!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get there in time, before she passed away.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
no answer for this
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
no answer for this
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
filling out this questionnaire has me crying again.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I've actually thought about that. If my mother were still living
it would have been extremely difficult, if not impossible for me
to move even further away, which I have done.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Its just not fair that we get given youth and beauty and energy and
then it all gets robbed from us. Disease and pain aren't fair.
I understand death has to come in order to have room for more
people here, but to make us old and ugly and sick that is cruel.
And to never let us really know for sure whether there is or isn't
an afterlife or is or isn't a God--is very cruel.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
the thought of death & dying is difficult, because one doesn't know
how lingering and painful a death one may have, or whether or not
one exists after death. I wish I could just know the answers.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
no answer for this
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I don't have much faith in doctors. They didn't do squat for
my mother.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The nursing home was all right, and the staff. Although the socks
I purchased for mother were immediately stolen.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Organized religion don't know shit. Pardon my language, but that's
exactly how I feel.
--Religious Affiliation:
My mother tried to raise me as Catholic, but it never took. I
disliked it from the get-go. It was a major source of conflict
between us. Later I explored other religions, for awhile I was
a member of the Unitarian Church. Presently I am not a member of
any church, nor a follower of any religion. I am an agnostic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
no answer for this
--Regarding MONEY:
Everybody's got their hand out. I was going to try to give Mother
a Catholic funeral because that's the religion she was. There was
absolutely no Catholics at all amoung the mourners. My Uncle was
helping us with the funeral arrangements and he didn't know anything
about that but was willing to help, but then I decided to just not
bother with the Catholic funeral. I figured the priest would want
a bunch of money. Mother & Dad had just recently moved to a new
area and the priest there didn't even know her, she was too ill to
attend mass after they moved there. The Catholic funeral thing just
seemed pointless, so we got a preacher from a protestant church that
had actually met mother. I sent him a donation afterwards for his
church. It does bother me some that I promised her I would see
that she got a Catholic funeral and I didn't keep that promise.
But she was dead and gone so what good would a Catholic funeral
have done her anyway. A priest was called and gave her last rites.
A bunch of silliness in my opinion--but that was done--so I guess
that counts for something. My father called the priest. I was
quite surprised because my father never liked the Catholic religion.
And by then she was too far gone to have requested it herself.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my father left most of it up to me & my uncle. The one thing
that happened that really pissed me off was my dumb-assed cousin,
Margie, who took a picture of mother in her coffin. She asked
Dad's permission, but he didn't consult me about it, and I found out
about it after the fact. I was major pissed off and told them so.
Well, see, we went against mother's wishes (yet again)and had an
open casket. She had always said she wanted a closed one, but Dad
and I wanted her to be on view. We felt she looked fine, and to
close the casket would look as if something were wrong with her.
But I didn't want a picture taken, and I know she wouldn't have!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
no answer on this
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I was in denial up until about two months before my mother's death.
I kept rationalizing why she behaved as she did.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
its just a matter of time. Nothing else helps.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
nothing like this happened.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no answer on this
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Her dying, her suffering resolved them for me. I was able to
forgive her everything she had ever done that had ever hurt me.
Although I remain puzzled about her in many respects regarding
behaviors of hers.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
nothing. I have nothing left to say to her, other than the fact
I wonder if she still exists in some way.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The only thing that has ever happened like that is my cousin Ozro
in regards to our grandfather. My cousin is a very honest person
so I believe him. He says he doesn't know for sure, but it did not
seem like a dream. My cousin was away in Viet Nam at the time
our maternal grandfather passed away so he was unable to attend the
funeral. I forget the exact time frame--it wasn't immediately--it
may have been a year or two, but my cousin woke up in the middle
of the night and saw our grandfather standing at the foot of his
bed and grandfather spoke to him and said: "Don't worry about me.
I'm all right."
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A person should have the right to have their suffering ended.
I do not want any steps taken to keep me living in pain or in a
vegetative state, or blind, or paralyzed. The quality of life
is very important. Life is hard enough as it is.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
There are times when the thought of simply not existing any more, no
longer being on this Earth is totally terrifying to me. There are
other times when life is hard and when I dread what may be lying in
wait for me in the way of a lingering and painful death, or perhaps
declining health or surgeries, then I wish it were just over with.
There are times when I think of suicide and not having to deal
with life any more. And wonder if I knew I was going to die of a
very painful disease would I have the courage to take my own life.
I don't know, but I hope I would.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
going to the gravesite, doing a Native American type of mourning
called keening.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I am ashamed of the fact that sitting there in the funeral home
I flirted with a man, the pastor of my mother's sister's church.
I don't know why I did that. But no new friendships.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? The Funeral
the hope there is an afterlife, and knowing the person is no longer
suffering
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
just plain not knowing if there is an afterlife or not.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried to help my father but no one was really able to help him.
He just about went crazy after mother's illness & death, there
were times when I just didn't know if he was going to pull out of
it or not.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was interesting. I don't know that it helped me re-think any
of my feelings about death or dying. I don't think there
are any answers here. I just hope there are some eventually.
I hope all of this isn't just for nothing--that there is some kind
of afterlife with peace, love, justice and knowledge.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no answer to this
Enhancements: no answer to this
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Tue Oct 31 21:00:39 2000
M50 in melbourne, victoria =australia=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I looked for you.
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Prof/Studies: barman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
--Details:
not a recent death but rather the illness of my father and the
ageing process in general.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a recurring process where we cease to exist in this body and return
in a new one until we attain a state of mind where we reach an
enlightened state so that we have overcome our limitations.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could'nt believe it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my paternal grandmother who died from
lack of interest in life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fear of lonliness.
--What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is just another part of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the thoughts it provoked
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing them
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
shallow claptrap
--Religious Affiliation:
PAST....roman catholic CURRENT...buddhist
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
i'm a long time drug addict and that has helped me not think about
the subjectbut an interest in buddhism has helped me come to terms
with the topic.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
catholic church..fear..disbelief..
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Tue Oct 31 15:38:28 2000
F48 in Wauwatosa, WI =Milwaukee=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 days ago.
Cause of Death: aspirated?? or heart failure; Aged: 81.
--Details:
Went to see him Friday night after a successful hip surgery with
relatives. He was doing fine and I received a phone call at 6:15
AM that the medical team was in his room at the hospital and to come
in. By the time I got there they were stabalizing him and moving
him to intensive care. What I wasn't ready for it that essentially
he was dead and they revived him after he'd been without oxygen
for 20 minutes. The doctors determined this in ICU and I requested
the life support and drugs removed. They removed the drugs first
and his BP went from 70/50 to 13/13 in less than a minute or two.
Once the breathing machine was shut down he was gone. I was asked
about an autopsy and said absolutely since I wanted to know what the
heck happened. As of today they are looking at possible aspiration
but not all the fluid reports are in. He had been xrayed and there
was no cogestion in his lungs that day so what happened that his
body accumulated that much fluid so quickly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our physical existance..we vanish off the face of the
earth with the exception of memories by loved ones.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't have a clue what was happening
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...friend died in a car accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how I knew my father was not in his body..that his essence I knew my
father was gone and all that remained was a shell. How the doctor
moved a light over his eyes and they didnot respond. How cold his
hand was when I touched it and how he didnot respond to my voice. Me
telling him I was letting him go and how surreal it all felt
--What I think my (Milwaukee) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to allow us to grieve with adequate time off from work and everyday
life to heal
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Once the life support was removed he went quickly
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
That my family was with me during the whole final hours
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Making the decision to remove life support even though I knew there
was no chance. Dealing with that issue in itself and acutally
having to do it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Touching them and talking to them. Telling them they are loved and
its ok to go. In my case I told my father I was letting him go
and that I loved him.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had to make some very difficult decisions and think of his quality
of life
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
They revived him only to have him go to ICU and have me remove life
support. Why after 20 minutes was his heart capable of beating?
Was it only the drugs? Then why is this even done?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't laugh during this at all
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have my father open up to me more about his feelings. He was very
tight lipped most of the time but I knew he loved and was proud
of me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go through with his wishes with family around him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
They removed the drugs how quickly his BP dropped
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
he went peacefully..to me he died twice. Once before the resesitated
him and again when I had life support removed. Or did he die in
stages...conscience and then physical
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a memory of my Dad comes to mind, a song and even an expression
he made
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be helping my Dad through rehab again. Trying to encourage
him to move and walk. Putting up with his temper tantrums and
telling him I love him more.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
When someone young died
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just run away
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to mull over what I should have said or done yet. This took
me a couple of days to realize that I had done alot for my father
over the period of years during his illnesses
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did all they could and infact one doctor was especially upset
with what happened. On the other hand a couple doctors who were
his primary care physicians never called, sent a card or bothered
to tell me what they signed on the death certificate....now they
don't give a shit..he was an old man!!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
pastor was at the hospital..problem was my dad was not a religious
man but...we did pray for him
--Religious Affiliation:
none/catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Your spirit is your very esscence..your being, your thinking,
personality, loves, hates...you as an individual
--Regarding MONEY:
My dad was wealthy..he had a couple of small insurance policies
but I prepaid and planned his funeral 5 years ago when his health
was failing. I wasn't looking for a inheritance..
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I'm going through this tomorrow. I have done a story board on
my dad's life that was just as much for me as him. He is being
buried in Green Bay Packer gear no suit..this was not his style
along with the VA is providing a full milltary burial which not
only will bring closure to this situation but will be a very very
emotional morning for me
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the reality that this had happened...I thought my dad was going to
be here forever.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Changes in mood..mannerism...habits. My Dad signed his intials
ONLY when entering the hospital. He was always proud of signing
his FULL name. In ER he talked non-stop about people, places
and things I didn't even know about. He was reliving his entire
life to me. He started taking meals in his room the three days
before he went in. Part of this was his physical ability to walk
had deterioated greatly and he seemed depressed.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Shock..you are just completely stunned! Heavy duty grief and second
guessing as to what you could or should have done. A form of
acceptance and moving onward to get the details of the funeral and
burial done. I still have another step to do after this Thursday...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i was not there when my father actually "died" what I let go was
his body
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nope
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wrote the letter for some unresolved issues and will keep my
promise. As long as I am alive my father's memory will live on
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I talk to my Dad everyday..have not been able to talk to him yet..but
hope to
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
That night I smelled his scent in my house a couple of times. Its a
very distinct odor that could not be produced by anything else
around me. I also had a faint dream of being back in the ICU
ward and seeing him peer in from outside the door looking healthy
and walking like "hum whats going on in here" and then walking away
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
No artifical machines, drugs to prolong my life
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know it will come..when who knows but I hope I am surrounded by
friends and family. If I knew when it was coming I would try to
squeeze in as much living as I could..travel whatever
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
His story board was my therapy. I did it very much like a story
board for a commercial with pictures and dialog on his life.
>From cradle to crypt I wrote a letter to him that I will put in
his coffin
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I promoised that even though every Thursday was laundry and treats
for Dad that instead I would bring fresh flowers to his site along
with having a tree planted in his name at the cemetary (they have
a program for this)
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
The people at the center where he lived want me to visit and the
social worker and I have become good friends
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Can't answer this right now
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
good questions even though I have not completed this experience
this has helped me understand that my feelings aren't crazy..
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Tue Oct 31 03:59:43 2000
M65 in Rancho Cordova, CA =USA=
Name: Ted Laurence
Email: <Anim0n=at=pacbell.net>
Web: http://zwap.to/Anim0n
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: retired
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More personal info:
deep into Soulmaking
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Egyptian Book of the Dead
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
James Hillman, Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
a transition
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I had a heart attack, and then 5-bypass
open-heart surgery
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a metaphor for an entire psychic change, a radical shift
in perspective
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it is indeed an illusion
--[My Self (impending)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
survived, hence http://zwap.to/Anim0n
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
correct
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My focus would be on dreams...many nightmares...and the confidence
James Hillman instilled in me that "dreams mean well by us"
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it has been my felt experience that "I die, yet not I...my ego dies"
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Sharing...first in AA meeting, and now on the Web...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
Acceptance ala AA
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
timely
Enhancements: http://zwap.to/Anim0n
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Mon Oct 30 21:39:55 2000
F20 in toledp, ohio =united states=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Lugerig's disease; Aged: 65.
--Details:
She was bed ridden for about 4 years and my grandfather took care
of her with the help of hospice during the day while he was working.
She was being tube fed and all. In '94 she died. She was my favorite
person in the world.
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--Death Is:
When God decides he wants us in heaven. And the way we go is so
that we can learn lessons and the people who love us and care about
us learn lessons also. It is God feels we have lived our life to
the fullest extent.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked even though I knew it was going to happen soon. It
was hard but I made with the help of family.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I don't remember the details very well.
My great grandmother had Alzhiemer's for several years and she died
at age 89. A year later her husband died of severe skin cancer
that he had for years and years. It got so bad he died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The most wonderful woman is gone. Everyone seemed to mourn this
death more than all the others in our family
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandmother's death allowed my grandfather and I to get closer. No
one really understands him or even gets along with him. If you met
you would think bitter sarcastic old man. But he really isn't I
sometimes feel that I'm the one who keeps him going and in touch
with the family. Because he tends to wihtdraw from things like
I do. We are the only cancers (sign) in the family. And we are
the truest cancerians.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my freinds and family. But most of all my art work
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
learning of the death in the middle of art calss in my freshman
year of high school and having to stay in school the rest of the day.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be as positive as possible, smile always and have fun around them.
don't let them think about what is going on with what's going on
in thier life.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
satyed positive and always smiled and laughed. I think it physically
hurt her to laugh and smile but she denied it. because it helped
her mentally
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She had to suffer all those years before she died and looked
so peaceful
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Because of all the stress it is a known fact that laughing reduces
stress.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
help ease my grandmother's pain and maybe let her go earlier so she
didn't have to suffer for so long and lose her strenght little by
little until she was bedridden.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Say goodbye the day before she died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
A lot of family members regretted the fact that they weren't visiting
my grandmother as much as they would have liked to
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
In my family there is a thing that you have to kiss the body during
the funeral. I don't like that.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I here the country song "Holes in the floor of heaven"
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have no idea maybe we would be even closer now than we were before.
My grandpa wouldn't be as bitter as he is now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to suffer for so long and why couldn't I have gone
instead.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
she her another time and talk to her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I never really went through the unreal stage because I was close
to her that It hit me right away.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hospice is great they help out the way the patient wants helped
not how the medical field says they need to be helped. But I wish
there was a cure
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They were great we had a woman who stayed for the whole time and
ocasional a different woman when She took days off.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not as much as it should have
--Religious Affiliation:
Mehtodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
This is very true I believe that there is one place where everyone
gets along and there are no barries to anything
--Regarding MONEY:
I'm not sure at all
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All the family that i had never met before
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
?????????
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
preparing for death (will, preparations) Seem not in pain for a
few hours etc.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't really know
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
The night before she died she seemed so peaceful and not in pain
as if there were someone there eaing her pain. Well that night
she died in her sleep. My grandpa woke up to find her dead.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel good about this experience I've learned a lot about it and
will continue to grow and learn from other experiences like this.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Ask them how they are doing and if they are peaceful now and ask if
they think i'm on the right track. this may help ease some of the
pain i felt when i saw how much she was suffering through everything.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother has visited my mother and my aunt in person in broad
sylight in thier houses i really don't know any other details
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
To take care and remember that it is not what you want it is what
they want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to know but if i did then i do everything as normal
as possible and not tell anyone.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I used art and prayer
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Yes art is not in any classes I take in college but when I get
stressed I break out the watercolor paper and my watercolors
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My other grandma and I have gotten closer since the death of my
other grandma
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
The funeral was the hardest beacuse I was used to seeing them alive
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I don't know
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I made me remember all over agian everything that happened with my
grandmother's death and how the family fell apart but then it came
back together.
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Mon Oct 30 15:02:29 2000
F28 in BRIGHTON, SUSSEX =ENGLAND=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Prof/Studies: ACCESS COURSE H/EDUCATION
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More personal info:
am doing a propject/questionnaire cultures/faith/ and grieving
process
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
BETTY SHINE AND DORIS STOKES BOOKS
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: HEART ATTACK; Aged: 68.
--Details:
HE DIED ON HIS GRAND-DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY AND WAS BURIED ON HIS
BIRTHDAY, I WAS VERY CLOSE TO HIM BUT COPED WELL WITH HIS LOST,
BECAUSE OF MY BELIEFS
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--Death Is:
NOTHING TO FEAR, IT IS WHERE WE GO BACK HOME AND REVIEW WHAT WE DID
IN OUR LIFE, OR NOT DO, WE GO TO A PLACE WITH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,
AND A KNOWLEDGE TO CHOSE OUR FUTURE DECISIONS,FOR THE NEXT TIME
WE NEED TO LEARN SOMETHING WE DID NOT LEARN BEFORE, UNTIL WE AT
DIFFERENT STAGES ARE AT ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
COPED WELL, AND KNEW THAT I WOULD SEE MY GRANDAD AGAIN
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I HAD PREMONITIONED IT TWO WEEKS BEFORE MY
GRANDAD DIED, I RECIEVED THE NEWS IN A PUB ON THE PHONE.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
THAT MY GRANDAD DID NOT BELIEVE IN THE AFTERLIFE, AND I SAID TO
HIM WHEN HE WAS ALIVE THAT WHEN YOU DIE TOUCH MY HAND SO THAT I
KNOW IT IS YOU
--What I think my (ENGLAND) culture needs to better learn about death is:
NOT TO TREAT DEATH AS A TABOO SUBJECT,TALK ABOUT IT
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
THAT I KNOW THERE IS AN AFTERLIFE THROUGH PERSONL EXPERIENCES
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY BELIEF SYSTEM
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
TO BEAWARE OF HOW THEY ARE COPING WITH IT ,BE LOVING AND SUPPORTIVE,
AND BASE YOUR ACTIONS ON WHAT YOU FEEL THAT THE PERSON NEEDS
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIM,
--Religious Affiliation:
RESPECT FOR ALL RELIGIONS AND UNDERSTAND THAT WE/RELIGIONS ARE AT
DIFFERENT LEVELS, MY RELIGION IS SPIRITUALISM
--Regarding MONEY:
EVEN AT THE TIME OF SOMEONE LOSING SOMEONE THE COST IS A RIP OFF,
AND THE VUNERABLE ARE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
IS I OFTEN FEEL LOVE ONES AROUND AND ALSO HAVE SEEN THE OULINE OF A
WHITE MISTY FIGURE, SEVERAL TIMES, ONCE I WAS SPOKEN TO, WHEN THERE
WAS NO- ONE IN THE ROOM, TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT A PERSONAL ISSUE
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
IT HAS HAPPENED TO ONE OF MY FAMILY NOT ME, WENT THROUGH A BRIGHT
WHITE TUNNEL, SHE FELT LOVE AND PEACE,FROM A LADY HELD OUT HER HAND
TO MY ?, MY ? FELT THAT SHE WAS NOT READY TO GO AND HAD SONMETHING
MORE TO DO IN THERE LIVES
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
WOULD NOT LIKE TO GO YOUNG ATHOUGH IF DID THEN IT IS WRITTEN
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
BELIEVE THST WE GO ON AFTER DEATH
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
CAME ON TO THIS QUESTIONNAIRE TO GET INSPIRATION FOR A PROJECT
DEALING WITH GRIEVING/CULTURES
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Sat Oct 28 02:31:24 2000
F24 in south-eastern, Minnesota =USA=
Name: Lynette
Email: <vernimus=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for some psychological help in many areas.
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Prof/Studies: Freelance Artist
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5? yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age, Alzheimer's; Aged: 86?.
--Details:
I was about 17. She had Alzheimer's for a long time before that.
It was so hard. She forgot all of us. When I was very little,
she gave me my first art lessons. She taught me about flowers and
animals. That is my whole being now that I have grown. I did not
find out until after she had died that she was a published artist.
She was also a poet. If only I had had the chance to get to know
her better... There's so much more I could have learned. I just
want to tell her how much I turned out like her. I'm not even
blood-related to her. I'm adopted.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
what keeps us human. It lets us change and strive for things.
Our world and our species would never change if the same people lived
forever. Death is Mother Nature's way of reusing her resources.
Energy is born, but it wanes in all things. It must die to be
reborn again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
The first time I ever saw death, face to face, was a few weeks ago.
We had one of our dogs put to sleep. She was very old, but I loved
her like I love my daughter. She had a sudden medical problem,
and we had to take her that night to put her to sleep. I held her
in my arms and talked to her while the vet gave her the injection.
I felt the life go out of her, literally. It just went away, and
I was holding an empty body. She didn't hurt anymore. It wasn't
horrible like I thought it would be. I was so happy that she could
be free. Science and nature have proven to us that no energy dies.
It changes, transfers, but never dies. I wonder where it goes...
--That first time, how it happened was
We had our dog put to sleep. I was six, so my parents didn't think
I could handle it. I came home from school and she was just gone.
My mom finally told me, and I swear, I've been haunted by that same
empty feeling ever since.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It changed my whole outlook on death. It's not scary anymore.
Sparkey wanted to go. She was in pain, and she still had all the
kisses in the world for me, but it was just time to let go. Once my
heart had made that decision, it was so much easier to let her go.
Things happen the way they are supposed to. I believe I did the
right thing. The good thing.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It can happen now, in the next 30 seconds, tomorrow, in a year...
Time truly is precious. When death comes, you have to be ready.
You have to be at peace.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Sparkey's sister, Sally, developed a kidney infection just after
Sparkey passed away. Sally was 8 years old. We tried and tried to
save her. We had her on IVs and catheters to clean out her system,
but it just didn't work like we wanted it to. She stabilized, and
we got to bring her home to say good-bye. We spoiled her rotten,
spent every minute of two days with her, and on day three, we took
her to my Mom and Dad's house, where I grew up, to meet with some
family. I was going to go up to my birth-mother's house for a few
day, and I knew Sally wouldn't make it until I got back, so I was
sitting in the beautiful back yard, full of memories, and telling
Sally everything I thought she needed to hear from me before I left.
I told her how much I loved her and that she was the best of friends.
I told her that it was okay. My husband was going to take her back
to the vet the next day and then she could go to sleep with Sparkey.
My birth-mother came back to talk to Sally, too. We both sat and
petted her for a few minutes and then Sally laid down. I could
feel that creeping sensation again, so I yelled for my husband.
He came out with my adoptive mom and dad and my 7-year old son and
2-year old daughter. We all stodd around Sally, my mother and I
cradling her, as she laid down on my lap and let go. I couldn't
wish for a better death myself. It was so perfect. It was like
she did it so we could all be with her. It still makes me bawl.
Not in sorrow, though. I feel like she did it for us. I got to
be with her. We all did.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My birth-mother is also bi-polar. She has a lot of the same
feelings and beliefs as I do about death. She also gets really
emotional about her pets. And I can call her at 3AM if I need to.
We are both hopeless insomniacs. I don't know where I would be
now if I hadn't found her seven years ago.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Coming home and missing their presence. I lost two of my best
friends in two months. It hurts pretty bad to have the house
so empty. I bought a male-friend for Sally in March. He was just
old enough to start breeding when Sally got sick. They fell in love
instantly. Now my puppy is so lonely. We all miss them terribly.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't let your loved-ones die alone. I would never have let Sparkey
or Sally die alone. They were always there for me. It never
mattered what I needed or how I looked, they just loved me anyway.
I couldn't leave them alone.
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that death really is a release. It is a freedom unlike
any other.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When I come home and they are not there to greet me. I can still
picture both of them perfectly, just as they always stood when we
came through the door.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I know well enough that laughing is a very natural release of
tension and extreme anxiety. I do it all the time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Take Sparkey and Sally for more walks and adventures. I wish I
would have bred Sally earlier in the chance of getting another
dog with many of her perfect characteristics. She was so sweet.
There's never been another dog like her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with both of them.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The last breath from both dogs seemed to be one of pure relief.
Like when you sit down after standing all day. It was a long,
relaxed sigh. The is no discomfort or fear in that last breath.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Don't feel sorry for the person, or pet, that has passed away.
They just don't care anymore that they aren't here to finish what
everyone else thinks they should still do. There's enough stress
involved dealing with your own pain. Don't try to hurt for them,
too.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see pictures of other Boston Terriers that resemble my dogs.
I saw one on the web today that looked like Sally. They even had
the same middle name. Jo.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Sally would be laying here, curled up with my puppy as always,
and Sparkey would be curled up by the heater. They would all be
snoring loudly, of course. When I would get up, they would all
wake up instantly and follow me on my heels to make sure nothing
happened to me. It never mattered how far I was going. They all
followed me from room to room, all the time. I still have two of
my shadows left, though. I trip less often.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It doesn't seem fair that they both died so close together.
Sally was still young, and it has been a life-long dream of mine to
raise Bostons. My male was just old enough, and he even bred Sally.
It was five days later that she got the infection. We don't even
know if whe was pregnant. The whole family line died out with Sally.
She was our hope. It took my friend Phyllis 25 years to get a dog
as wonderful as Sally. We took over for her when she retired.
Sally didn't quite make it. Now I have to start from scratch.
It just won't be the same. My family had gotten dogs from Phyllis
since I was very small. She had very special dogs.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to them again, and pet them. I wish I could call them up on
my lap.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The vet was absolutely wonderful! I called him at 3AM about
Sally when she got bad. He didn't even mind. He came in after
hours to put Sparkey to sleep. This is a smaller-town vet, and
he's the only one within 50 miles of us who has an emergency #.
He kept Sally for us even though we had no money to give him at
the time. He didn't spare a thing because of it, either. He gave
her everything while she was there. She even had her own Peter
Rabbit blanket. When I went to get her to take her home, Sally
didn't even want to go they had treated her so well. The nurses
were all fawning over her and telling her how sweet she was.
When we called them to tell them that she had passed away, they
sent us a wonderful sympathy card. Every one of them signed it.
The card was for both Sparkey and Sally. They even cut off some
of the bill. I'm so glad I found him before all of this happened.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
I was raised Lutheran, but luckily, I am not susceptible to
mass-brainwashing. I respect all religions because I believe that no
one has the right to say that theirs is the right one. Just believe
in what you feel, not what someone else tells you to feel.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe in this. I believe that some day, when I die, my energy
will somewhere, somehow, be mixed with theirs again.
--Regarding MONEY:
The vet has put no pressure on us. We pay him when we can, and
he's perfectly content with that.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how easy it was to hold them as they died. It was so comforting...
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Disinterest in life itself. World-weariness.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I hold on to the hope that, somehow, it's not over.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
When I was 15, I took 150 aspirin. I drank them out of a bottle
of Mountain Dew. I won't go into detail, but I got really sick.
A friend drove me home and helped me into the house, where I
proceeded to try to throw them up. I don't know how much I got rid
of, but it had been hours since I had taken them. I crawled into
bed. (My mom thought I was drunk. She was pretty irate.) The next
day, when I woke up, I suddenly had a flash of memory. My brain
tried to register it as a dream, but it just didn't feel right.
It was one flash, like a single fram of a movie. I remember a
dark chamber, like a cave. (No, there was no fire or brimstone.)
Just a normal cave. There was a man at a podium in front of me.
He was thin and he wore a brown robe. (This doesn't tell me if it
was a dream either, as I dream in color all of the time.) He was
pointing at me, and I still get a pulse of the fear that he was
putting into me. I get the impression that he was chewing me for
trying to choose my own time. It may have been my subconscious,
or maybe it wasn't. To this day, I remember that every time
I think about my own death. (That happens pretty often, too.)
I know that he was very angry with me. And I was very frightened.
I think that no matter how bad this bi-polar crap gets, I will just
wait until I'm taken.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I was lucky. I have settled matters with the last four loved ones
who have died. I realized, with my grandma, that it CAN'T wait
until tomorrow or the next time you see them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to hear that I did everything right by them.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When I was 15, my Welsh pony Princess died. It was a horrible
situation, and it would take pages to tell you about it. I'll just
say that a lot of confusion, frustration, and guilt went with her
passing. I grieved for her constantly for years. Then, one night,
I had a dream where I was riding her, and we were just flying over
the field. It was so exhilirating! It felt so real. We rode,
and I felt like I was totally concious the whole time. I could
feel her passion for running coursing through the air around us.
I woke up so happy I could hardly cantain myself. I still feel
that, in her own way, she let me be at ease. I haven't felt all
twisted up about her death since then.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My dogs will be at the funeral. I do not want an open casket.
I think it's creepy to stare at a corpse and think that there is
somebody in it. I want it to be outside. I would prefer to just
be buried at the foot of some giant tree, but I don't think that
is legal.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Like I said earlier, I think about death all of the time. It's just
a curse (or blessing) of my condition. I know it is coming, and
I will welcome it when it gets here. I do hope I will be around
for my children, though. But, if Death chooses me before then,
what can I do?
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I bury personal items with all of my loved ones. Something special
that we shared. I'm not sure why, but it makes me feel better.
I buried a little sack of dried flowers and pretty rocks with my
grandma. I even had it put right into her hands. My dogs each
got to take their blankets with them.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Not that I can think of right now.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Just that it made me realize that I need to get as close as I ever
want to be to every one I care about.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I'm bi-polar. I wish for it every day, indirectly. Death is a
gentle thing to me now.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
My parents are not good at showing emotions or dealing with pain.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My husband and I talked about it a lot. He's not very good at
emotions or death. It helped me express some of my feelings just
trying to get him to open up.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was really helpful. I'm surprised at how much it helped.
You asked some very good questions, and I appreciate that "pets" was
one of your options. A lot of people are so in love with their pets.
They give unconditional love, and that is so hard to let go of.
They are so innocent, and it seems that Death should not be able
to touch them. They are so different from people.
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Fri Oct 27 19:41:28 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, yrs 7 ago.
Cause of Death: anurism ; Aged: 78.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
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Thu Oct 26 06:27:22 2000
F21 in Jonesville, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Psychology/Counseling (death and grievance specialization)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 41.
--Details:
Died in a hospital waiting on a heart transplant. I'll never forget
hearing the phone ring, Dad telling me to get ready, Mom had taken
a turn for the worse and then hearing the nurse at the hopsital tell
me that Mom had died "I am sorry, Mrs.... passed away this morning"
( she told me in the hallway, will never forget that
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
it was my great grandma from West Virginia (my dad's side), she
died in her sleep from old age
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how it made me realize that death comes with NO warning at any
age...(one of my best-guy friends was killed by a truck driver at
the age of 21.) I realize my own reality of death
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
what to say to someone after a loss has occurred
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Since Mom died, my family and friends (everyone was close to her)
appreciates the time spent with each other...we also make sure that
we say "I love you" as often as possible
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having people there to talk to, having someone's shoulder to cry
on and having time to reflect on thier life and how much they meant
to me and what I gained from knowing them
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
getting use to not having them around; regretting that I didnt tell
them how I feel about them (saying I love you enough)
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know that they are loved and cared a lot about
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have become a stronger for going through this experience; I grew
up instantly at the age of 15 and am very responsible and often
looked to from my family for support and encouragement
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her I loved her one last time while i hugged her
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Christmas comes around, I wear the same perfume she does, Mother's
Day, when i think about all the things that she is/was not physically
there for
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd talk to her more and let know that i loved her more
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do I have to live without my mom and other people my age back
talk and don't appreciate their's
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were a lot of people there that loved her and a lot of people
there that loved me and was there to show their support
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
she comes to me in my dreams (seems like when I have a lot of stress)
on me and talks to me and gives me advice and encouragement
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
knowing that her memory is still alive in me so she will "always
live" in me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Wed Oct 25 08:16:31 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia; Aged: 3.
--Details:
no
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
not living anymore, leaving this world of existance
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 7.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was someone i new very well, it was
my brother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i never expected it.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to get through it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i became a stronger person
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to get past it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let the person know your there to talk at anytime
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
moved on
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i tried dealing with it in wrong ways
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the experience was so surreal and i wasn't in the right fram of
mind that laughing seemed almost normal
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say i love you and goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
i'm not
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt really guilty
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
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Tue Oct 24 19:29:13 2000
F19 in , =Wales=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
teh ceasing of the body to function in any way
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
sad but relieved as they had been il and their suffering, and those
close to them, were no longer suffering.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... Great Aunt dying os lung cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling angery that I was shut out as one of the children.
--What I think my (Wales) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it should be offered when the quality of life of a terminally
ill person is no longer of a dignifiied standard
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it ends suffering and restores dignity
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends and conselling
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
guilt that I was glad their suffering was over.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say ggodbye.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
Not be allowed to go due to age.
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Tue Oct 24 17:06:23 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: almost 17.
--Details:
She'd been sick for about 2 years before. She went into remission,
but I guess they didn't catch some of the cancer still in her.
When I found out she was sick again she only had six weeks to live.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you stop having to worry about food and water and relationships.
It is a state of absolute peace.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was terrified. It was something i couldn't understand and didn't
know how to protect myself of my loved-ones from.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My dad's best friend got cancer when I was
about 10. He had three very young children. I remember seeing
my dad so sad and lonely and thinking that one of my own parents
could die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I felt guilty for not being a better friend.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It may be a finality, but it is not something you need to prepare
yourself for. Live life well and death won't be something to fear
or fret over.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my friend died everyone who loved her was at least allowed to
move on. For years everyone was in the suspence of worrying over
her and waiting for something to happen. Afterwards we got to be
sad and then miss her and then heal a little.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a dream I had. I am not religious and I don't particularly think
there is something after death, but I had a dream of my friend that
makes me question that. She came to me and told me not to be sad
or to feel guilty. She said she was always alive as long as I kept
her alive (in my mind). It was extremely comforting.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I kept thinking of how crushed her family was and how they didn't
deserve that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
It was mostly just time that helped me get over it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Mon Oct 23 16:22:46 2000
F44 in tulelake, cal. =u.s.a.=
Name: sue hamrick
Email: <sque=at=yahoo.com>
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Prof/Studies: self
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 46.
--Details:
we had just returned home from his parents 50th wedding anniversary
and he died in his chair watching tv. 15 minutes after we arrived
home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a devistating feeling of hopelessness and loss. and fear takes over
your life.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...mother died of cancer then my father shot
himself 4 months later
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about it to everyone who would listen
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
fear and helplessness
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Sat Oct 21 09:17:28 2000
F16 in watford, hertfordshire =england=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 30.
--Details:
He went for a swim, a boat went by and the waves pulled him under...I
couldn't see where he was and went in to find him. He was found a
few days later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life, when the body stop function and that person can
no longer physically interact with the living.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't too bothered.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Grandfater died after being ill for some time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that he wasn't here anymore and I couldn't talk to him.
--What I think my (england) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not bad. And also that it happens. A lot.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that people die so that there is not too much over population.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself and my knowledge that I too will die and am not alone in
the whole death and dying thing
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not hearing their voice.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't find him in the water and didn' tunderstand how he could
have disappeared so quickly.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much I cared about him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
try and save him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he died so young without finishing anything.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I have no problem with death. I accept that people will
die. It doesn't matter who they are. And has nothing to do with
religion. Death is not a bad thing.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Fri Oct 20 20:45:17 2000
F18 in Eugene, Oregon =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo web search for "psychology"
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, less than 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: Old age; Aged: 92.
--Details:
I worked at a nursing home and got to be good friends with a woman
who became almost like a grandmother to me. She died of old age.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of your earth life. The end of your body. But, your soul
goes to another place. An afterlife in heaven or hell where your
soul goes on to live forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and didn't understand what death was. But, for some
reason I still cried about it, it was very sad to me even though
I had such little knowledge about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandpa had died 15 years before I was born, and I asked my
grandma where grandpa was and she explained it to me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
That the person that died was really going on to a better place
where she would not have to go through any more pain, and that made
it seem not so bad.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is not the end. That your soul lives on in some way. That
death should not be feared because it is inevitable.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That the lady I knew died and then did not have to live in pain
any longer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My co-workers that worked at the nursing home with me where the
lady had died. And also the other residents that knew her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That they are no longer here and that I didn't get to physically
tell her good-bye...
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That even if the person cannot respond to you, even if they seem to
be in another place, they are there and they can feel your presence
and you need to be there for them because no one should have to
die alone.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
comforted her while she was so close to death, without bursting
into tears or losing control of myself.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It was over and life just went on so quickly.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was all of the crazy emotions I felt mixed together and all I
knew to do was laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good-bye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be with her the last couple days of her life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Something happens that reminds me of her, or if I see someone else
suffering like her, or if I meet someone like her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to die because she was such a good person. Why did
God need to take such a good person away?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt a kind of happiness mixed with sadness. I was glad that my
friend went to a better place, but I was sad because that meant
she was truly gone for good.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
By hearing other people's stories and what happened to them and
how they dealt with it , really helps me out a lot.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
I avoid death a lot, but it only makes it effect me worse in the
long-run.
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Thu Oct 19 08:16:15 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an absolut kathastrophe if you are unprepared
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...death of older relatives
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much more i try to use my live in a deep and meaningfull way
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that its the most natural thing as for all living beeing is going
towards these passing stage
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my tiebtan lama
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
to really let go
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Wed Oct 18 22:46:00 2000
F16 in perth, western australia =australia=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looked up 'tests'
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 9 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart condition; Aged: 37.
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--Death Is:
when someone can no longer breathe and their brain can no longer
function. their body stops working and so we bury them or burn them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was seven years old and didn't really know much about it i don't
think anyway.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My brother and i found my father dead in our
bath tub. He died from a heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Lot's of people were upset and my mum wasn't too good for awhile
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It gave me alot of knowledge and put me through experience at an
early age
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nanna, friends (adult)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I was so young and didn't live with my mum at the time
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am okay and was brought up fine without him
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he was going to hospital and i wasn't sure if he was dead or not
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to all the people who were our friends
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get over it and not have any psychological problems
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how much i miss him
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i fight with my mum and just wish he was still here, or if i talk
about it with her or even a song
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think i would still be living in Adelaide and i may have been
brought up more strict but more sociable
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
what am i supposed to do now???
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was upset heaps
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
A lot of people cared about him
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing i wouldn't see him again
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had quite a few dreams just after his death about him coming back
and me telling him that it was wrong
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be so scared
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
because i was so young i just healed i guess
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
step-dad
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought it did make me think and re discover how i was feeling
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Wed Oct 18 10:45:15 2000
M19 in Queens, New York City, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Developmental Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: gunshot; Aged: 22.
--Details:
he was an innocent passerby
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we cease to interact with others.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried, it was my grandfather, we were close.
--That first time, how it happened was
grandfather died of polio
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock of losing a friend so suddenly, reminds us that we can
all die any moment.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is simply another phase of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandfather(my first experience) was no longer in pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
seeing the body.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
what was important to him was that someone take care of his daughter.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i had to accept his death at the hospital.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him i would take care of his family.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
control my temper and not create another death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i began to cry, it's not often that i cry but his death was
difficult for me, it struck me as odd to cry, but it is so natural
when someone dies.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
grieving for months, i understand the pain of losing a son or
husband, but death completes life, to grieve is to be selfish.
We grieve for the LOSS of the person from our lives, not the
person himself.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he died needlessly
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
track down his killer and get revenge
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to feel an intense desire for revenge.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support for the family.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
a media frenzy
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he appeared in a dream and persuaded me that death was a stage
of life and revenge on kis killer would be nothing more than
perpetuating a cycle.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
In the same instance i was hit with a bullet, i had argued with my
girlfriend(now my fiance) that day, i thought of her and my parents.
On the way to the hospital i was so sure i would die i could not
think of anything but how badly i wished to confess my lies and sins
to my loved ones, something i did when i got out of the hospital.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am no longer afraid to die, i live me life in the open, death
can take nothing away from me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I visited the scene of the crime weekly and cried, in the middle of
the sidewalk. I may have looked a fool but it helped me get closure.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i walk by the scene everyday, it still scares me to this day but
it reminds me to make the most of life since it is fleeting.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my girlfriend and i got engaged two days after the funeral, we felt
it was time to continue our lives together since our friend who died
did not get to accomplish this. I am also closer to his mother now,
we babysit his daughter two to three times a week.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
as i stated this reconfirmed by belief that death is a state
of life.
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Wed Oct 18 08:40:03 2000
M26 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Darrin
Email: <dmilosz=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just messing around at work
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Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 12-14yrs ago.
Cause of Death: alcohol; Aged: 55-60??.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an expiration of bodily functions caused by old age, disease,
accident, homicide.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died in an alcohol related
accident. Didn't know him very well, but my first experience with
death none the less.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Death is a natural thing, for the most part, that all will deal with
through out life and themselves one day. Death in general has little
or no effect on me, which is scary. When someone dies I feel as if
I SHOULD feel something but often do not. It was their time??? I
am not a religious persin at all. Time expires, the body breaks
down. I just hope it is wuick with me. No long painfull illness
or mental deterieration. I guess the young dieing for no apparent
reason has the biggest effect on me. But I have not experienced
it first hand. I have often shed tears for strangers who have lost
someone young in their lives.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
talking with friends and different experiences with the topic
would help me the most... but at the same time can hinder the
dealing aspect, because you feel that your "death" is personal and
individual to YOUR feelings.
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Tue Oct 17 16:46:45 2000
M in Thorn, co =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: cusy svc
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: liver failure; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died while i was at work
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Sun Oct 15 02:11:59 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: sickness; Aged: 11 months.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
going away eternally, no one else know where that place is, or how
far. It's a symbol of someone resting and no longer suffering.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad and mad
--That first time, how it happened was
My pet cat. Died of sickness.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mum crying and everyone avoid talking about it
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
be more open about it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my cat is no longer in pain
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i can't see her anymore
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
deal with it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
could i do something to prevent it?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my cat more
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Thu Oct 12 22:07:33 2000
F19 in Larchmont, New York =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: English Major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 12yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Liver Disease; Aged: about 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a part of nature. Nothing can stop it. I know that sounds dramatic,
but it's true.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my father died when I was seven years old,
from a liver disease.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that you have to talk about it, as soon as possible. And, with
professional. Never let anything get bottled up.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my therapists.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
starting to forget. After a while the memories and the fantasies
start to blur. It's hard to tell what actually happened and what
I wish had.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had one dream about my father. I don't remember the dream,
but I do remember waking up crying.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I never leave or let my mother or sister leave the house with out
saying good bye and I love you.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prescription Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Thu Oct 12 11:31:41 2000
F27 in Rutland, Vermont =USA=
Name: Anne
Email: <senorapeas2000=at=yahoo.com>
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Prof/Studies: former morturay science student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
1) On Death & Dying 2) Lessons On Life 3) Tuesdays With Morrie
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
1) Elisabeth Kubler Ross 2) Morrie Schwartz 3) Mitch Albom
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 91.
--Details:
I spoke to him the day before he died. He and I had a very special
bond. He could barely speak the day I called as he was short of
breath. He asked me if I could come home. I started to cry because
I couldn't afford a plane ticket. He told me it was okay and not
to worry. He thanked me for calling. That next morning, I was up
extra early 4:00 a.m. and I called the hospital to see if he was
okay. He had died 10 minutes before I called. I was the first one
to hear of his passing.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
as natural as birth. It is when our body is no longer able to cope
with an illness or an accidental infliction or age and it shuts down.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was very nervous. I was petrified of ghosts and I was so afraid
after I saw my Uncle Joe in his casket. I kept thinking he would
come back to visit me.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my uncle on my fathers side. There had been a family argument
and there was a struggle with a weapon. During the struggle, he
was shot in the neck.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The pain that it felt. My heart felt so empty and I felt like there
was nothing I could do to stop crying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
COPING SKILLS. The Italians are WAY TOO DRAMATIC and they don't
like to talk about anything. They think ignoring it makes it go away.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I met my husband the week my great-grandfather died. I am certain
that he put us together. There are too many reasons as to why
this all makes sense. I was in another relationship and I asked
him to grace me with someone more understanding, someone who
would love me no matter what. My husband is the most loveable,
caring and understanding person I have ever met. He is a clone of
my great-grandfather!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Just talking and being able to express my emotions due to the loss
of my greatgrandfather.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing the man who taught me how to cope with everything that I
have ever come in contact with. I lost my only father figure.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
ALWAYS TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM NO MATTER WHAT! I don't care how hard
it is for you to say. I am SO HAPPY that I told my great-grandfather
that I loved him. He died knowing that.
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Keep him alive in memories. I talk about him all the time, I learn
to laugh about his sense of humor and the fun we had. It keeps me
content in knowing that he is still with me in some small way.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wasn't sure if I should come home or not. I could not afford
2 trips, one for the week of dying and one after the fact. I had
to pick which was more important. So, I called him on the phone,
talked to him; then came home for his services.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was laughing at how my family underestimated my ability to stand
tall and give a speech. They think I am stupid and then they were
blown away when they heard my eulogy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
come home that week anyway. I wish I could have seen him before
he died. My grandmother said "Oh well you wouldn't have wanted to
see him like that". How could she judge? She has no coping skills
and maybe SHE didn't want to see him that way. I wanted to see him
so that he knew I was there but because of finances I had to call
him instead.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Stand strong and give a wonderful eulogy to my great grandfather. I
also served his wish and I was the only female pallbearer. It was
his request.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I somehow managed to express all of my emotions all at once.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Standard ritual. We instead celebrated his wake the way he would
have wanted it. Sadness because we would miss him but with a little
humor to make people comfortable.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I recall that last conversation I had with him the day before he
died when I heard his little voice ask me if I could come home.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
He would still be here to talk me through some of lifes trivial
issues. At 91 he had a bright answer for everything. I trusted him
because he knew.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to lose the most important person in my life who has given me so
much strength.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Cry and wish my heart would stop just for a moment so that I can
have some peace.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried to remain strong for others but did not neglect my own
grieving.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I wasn't here to receive any help from the medical community. It
was direcetd more toward my great grandmother and my
grandmother. Honestly, I don't think that they had a clue what
it was like for a 91 year old woman to lose someone that she just
spent the last 74 years of her life with.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a celebration of his life and being able to know that he will live
on in my heart.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I feel that everyone sees death in their own way as learned by the
Egyptian practices as well as the Mohabe tribe. They each have their
own practices as we do and I feel that though it all does transcend,
we all need to do what is necessary to get through the loss.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the funeral homes flexibility with me in playing a significant role
in his arrangements.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wanting to spend time alone with him while he was dead and talking
to him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Inability to function alone, comatose, shortness of breath, morphine
drip being administered
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is important to be by their side and have some personal strength.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I am unaware of this
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am not sure what issues are unresolved but I would like
to know what I can do now that he has put my husband and I
together. Sometimes I am unsure of how to handle this special
marriage. Did he want me to work harder? My husband has a head
injury and is not really able to hold a job. THough he looks and acts
normal, he cannot function in a regular job. He got a college degree
but cannot apply it because he cannot handle multiple job tasks.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask him what I am going to do with my life and tell him I
need guidance. I would tell him that I need to know what the right
move is because I am so lost right now. I know he would have all
the right answers.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
On Christmas Eve, I was crying saying that I wish he could have
been with us for Christmas. It made me so sad and I could not seem
to forget my great grandfather. That Christmas Eve night, I went
to bed and awoke to someone tucking the covers tightly around my
shoulders and rubbing their hand on my head. They were saying my
name. When I opened my eyes, there was a figure quickly jumping
away in the room. I could see the back of their head but they were
leaping quickly and there was an outline around them of a swooshy
light. I turned on the light and there was no one there but I know
that there was someone in the room because I watched them leave. I
recall feeling solace but confusion.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Always make sure everyone you love knows it. Don't ever assume
anything! I wouldn't want to die thinking no one loved me, and I
wouldn't want anyone to die feeling unloved.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Wow.....just like I said above, my husband and I met the same week
he died. I was in another relationship and it was horribly mentally
abusive. I asked him for some peace and someone who would treat me
the way he did and love me for who I am. I asked him to guide me
to someone old fashioned who believed in one love. Paul is all of
that and he is a clone of my great grandfather. THough I see Paul
as his own person, the similarities are unreal.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
I attended mortuary school after high school to better understand
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my great-grandmother because in 74 years of living
with her very best friend, she was alone. I helped her to cope with
being alone. I called her everyday and made sure that she was ok. I
wish the rest of the family had helped me. They all seemed to be
too interested in themselves and called me a glutton for going up
to the casket as many times as I did.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a nice way to express my emotions. Great experience.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
How did their emotional coping compare with that of the rest of
the family and were they made fun of for their way of coping? How
did that make them feel?
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Thu Oct 12 09:50:52 2000
F40 in Monticello, WI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
searching for supra-nuclear palsy
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: complications from chemo treatments for stomach/liver cancer;
Aged: 62.
--Details:
It was very quick (to us). My father thought he was having a
heart attack, they determined he had 3 blocked arteries and did
angioplasty. A week later he was having pain again, it was found
that his (original)pain came from advanced stomach cancer that had
spread to his liver. He was given 6-18 months, possibly extended by
chemo. His first chemo treatment was done and he died from profound
sepsis within 9 days. From the "heart attack" to the death was less
than a month. My mother, 2 brothers and I were devastated. I was
6 months pregnant with my first child.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was just 5, my paternal grandfather died,
I didn't understand what it meant. WE weren't particularly close
so didn't seem to impact.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The absolute emptiness and helplessness.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My daughter was born after my father died. She is a gift that could
not be with me if people didn't die.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not realizing what a hole has been left in my being. That no one
else can feel what you feel. For the 30 seconds that I saw the nurse
walking toward us (my mother, 1 brother and I)in the waiting room
with a box of Kleenex in her hand, KNOWING something they didn't
know, before the nurse actually said the words.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My dad would want to see my daughter all the time. He would relish
in her exuberance for life. There is a lot of him in her. (or are
the 2 most significant events in my life tied forever together?)
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he never got to be around my daughter. Although my daughter
(who is only 4) assures me that she did see her "First Grandpa"
before she left heaven and he watches over her now.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I was mad at them for a long time. I wanted to blame someone for my
father's death. Now I champion them for sustaining my daughter's
life. Mostly, I realize what a vast and imperfect science it
involves.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How you find out how much & many people felt something for the
person who died. Watching big tough guys cry like babies. Friends
of my own empathizing.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My parents signed living wills. They didn't really understand the
magnitude of them. When we took my dad for the last time to the
hospital, the doctor tried to impress upon us how grave the situation
was and what those papers meant. DNR, it was better explained and
my dad still took that option, although I don't think we would have
chosen it for him.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes I am very afraid, because I don't want to leave my daughter
and the feelings she will have to deal with. But hopefully it won't
be soon. Other times I feel it will be a relief from the stress,
inanities of this life, but not yet......
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Getting some things out about my father's death helps. I know this
and do it piece by piece, here & there.
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Wed Oct 11 20:19:15 2000
F35 in Palos Verdes, CA =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible, Life after Life, The Power of Positive Thinking, Embraced
by the Light
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Dr. Mooney, Norman Vincent Peele
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 84.
--Details:
He chose to die. His son died of a stroke 3 months before him.
He was already old, and getting feeble, but after my uncle died, my
grandfather packed his bags (with a newly pressed pair of overalls,
and a new shirt, no shoes), paid for his funeral, and willed himself
to death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the physical body, and the beginning of life in a
spiritual world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
noticed that it was natural, and everyone was sad, but somehow
at peace.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my neighbor was an older man, and he died.
I remember being at the receiving, where his dead body was in a
coffin in his house. This would have been in about 1967 or 1968
and I was 3. That's all I remember, but it seemed to be a somewhat
peaceful experience without a lot of emotion, just curiosity.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being unable to control my emotions.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing, they handle death very well.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I believe that death has a gift, an entrance into eternal life,
freedom for the spirit from a tired body.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief in life after death, and Jesus. I know I'll see them
again and it'll never end in the spirit world.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the temporary inability to connect in the spirit world.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I've never been there when someone died.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt his spirit visit me before he left. I was meditating a lot at
the time, and he came to say Goodbye. I woke up and told my husband
the next day that my Grandfather told me to go to his funeral and
that he would die today. I KNEW at the exact moment he died.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
no confusion.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
didnt' have that urge.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I have no regrets.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to him on the phone, send a card, and a stuffed animal so he
knew I was thinking of him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he wasn't there in his body. He had "gone home." It was also weird
when the funeral director said the coffin is so tightly sealed that
the body will look the same 50 years from now. It's gross to think
we put this cold, dead body in the groud. It seemed very strange
and unnecessary. I still wonder why we don't cremate people.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
showing the cold, dead, lifeless body. Yuck.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
can't recall now.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
no thoughts on this.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
not really.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
doesn't really get that difficult. I've dealt with the feelings.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt connected to my own mortality even more.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
no feeling on this.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
didn't have that experience.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything, it meant a promise was being fulfilled and he'd be with
his family in Heaven.
--Religious Affiliation:
Current - Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps which includes an openeness
to all religions. I believe in Jesus personally, and Heaven,
but I've studied other beliefs including Muslim, Hindu, Buddism,
and Metaphysical books. Past- Southern Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
can't relate to the question.
--Regarding MONEY:
can't relate.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how ceremony is important and gives you a place to say, it's over,
move on.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
uhhhhmmmm?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
going downhill, and the spirit wills itself to go. A good example
was Princess Diana, she really wanted to die, she tried to commit
suicide, she seemed to really want it, so did my Grandfather.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
no reflection
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he was visited by his Mother, Father and family memebers. He also
visited me before he left. He had his hands up in the air, as if
he were reaching for them when he died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
this has happened with me, my grandfather came to see me. I also
had this experience with a friends husband, I knew he died, I could
feel it. He died in an accident, but I knew at the exact moment.
I've had lots of other experiences with "KNOWING" before people die.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issues.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
haven't had this, but I sensed that my grandfather had fully moved
on 3 months after his death.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I now have a trust, and it includes a living will which gives
instructions to unplug me, let me die if I'm in a bad condition.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid. I know I'll die. I feel it'll be okay.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
putting their picture up to remember them in a positive way. Keeping
their memory alive.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I'm now becoming friends with my 87 year old neighbor. I would have
never paid old people much attention, but I know they're valuable.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
I believe in an afterlife. I believe in Jesus Christ and heaven.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
Youth, I believed that I was immortal. At 35, I now realize my
life in the physical world will end one day.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I feel very protective of my 87 year old neighbor.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Fun. I enjoy talking about death.
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Wed Oct 11 18:15:01 2000
F14 in Watseka, Illinois =USA=
Name: Natalie Lattimer
Email: <djsuicide99=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: 8th grader
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Edger Allan Poe
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neice, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: Beaten to death; Aged: 2 yrs.
--Details:
Her mother had to go to work and she had no one to watch Kloie but
her friend ( boy freind) was there and he said she would watch
her so the mother left and 3 hours later the boyfriend beat her
and took her to the hospital saying she had fallen Kloie died
that night of internal injuries and a disconected spinal cord,
the killer has now got the death penalty
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--Death Is:
The beginning of a better life, the bodies stop but their slouls
live on in a different place it basically its the beginning of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 12 my cousin was in a drunk driving accident
--That first time, how it happened was
Well my best friend's neice Kloie was beaten to death, and i knew
Kloie since she was 3 months old, and we loved her like a daughter
it was the first time i ever experianced death but it made it harder
when Kloie was only 2 yrs old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
staying up at night crying till i smelt her ( like lylacs) and
hearing her voice saying that she was okay
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that everybody dies. and that death comes to those like a theif in
the night
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that they are in a safer happier place and that we will see them
again
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the thing that helped me was a boy named jon he was there for me
and after kloie died we came to be dating and another thing that
helped me was jenny we both cried together
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that they are gone and the wont ever come back
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them that u love them and its ok to go
--[My Neice's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved her soooo much
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when i laughe i cry cause i feel sooo guilty
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there to babysit kloie
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell her that i loved her one last time
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i look at her picture or just try to agnoladge that shes gone
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would be sooo happy it would be sooo right
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
its not fair she never did any wrong
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hear her voice or to tell her i love her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was so depressed
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
god is my life
--Religious Affiliation:
i was catholic but now i am christian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people's lives kloie touched
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing that they are gone or the fact that the actuall body is
sitting there infront of u
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
when i was sleeping i heard a laugh and i woke up and i saw kloie
in my room she whispered " im ok "
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
knowing that she knows that i love her
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
it was reasuring
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
im not afraid to die i never was and never will be i just want
my friends and loved ones to know that not to cry and that im
always here
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
When Kloie died i turned to other things, i was depressed i cried i
started doing drugs, i turned to the wrong things but then i though
would Kloie want me doing this but now i still cry every night i
dont think ill ever get over it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
Every body was like " she wasnt even part of your family" or they
would say " its been a month now already " but that just makes me
sadder cause ill never get over it she was my life
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Wed Oct 11 11:34:53 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
i was looking for intresting test for my self, this made me
curious....
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
as the river runs
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grand father died and i was very closed to
him. i dreamt about him a day before and i said goodbye in the dream.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
books and films and asking questions and thinking about it while
trying to figure out what is deadth mean?
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Tue Oct 10 14:13:31 2000
F18 in lower burrell, pa =usa=
Name: angela
Email: <akuzmirek=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: in H.S.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 ago.
Cause of Death: natual causes; Aged: .
--Details:
he died on my last day of school in second grade, my mom picked me
up and she was crying and i remember her saying "pappy isnt ever
going to be sick again"
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--Death Is:
death is when god chooses someone to take off the earth and he
takes everything out of htem and leaves just the body and so we
bury it under ground
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sooooo devestated and i didnt know why they picked my grandpap
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandfather
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the boy in the grade below me died this year the day before the
first day of school. it was sooo sad
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its not totally a bad thing cause they are taken to a better place,
but they will be missed alot
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
theres no more suffereing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i watch alot of movies dealing with death cause they are like so
real and they make you think
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how much i would miss them and how i didnt show my appreation for
them anough
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometimes laughing just gets your mind off it and seems to make
everything ok for a second
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
show people how much i appreciated them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend the last few months living wtih my grandfather cause i got
to know him better
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a few months ago, one of my coworkers died unexpectablly, and now
sometimes when i come into work i expect to see her bright smile,
and shes just not there... it makes me feel like crying
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it seems like all the good people die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
when i was a freshmen a girl in my swim class died in a car accident.
it was like so unreal, i just kept thinking people my age dont die,
not people i know...
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic/christian
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
i hate funurals cause i hate seeing everyone crying it makes
everything worse
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Tue Oct 10 13:32:13 2000
F44 in St. Louis, MO =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: work accident; Aged: 37.
--Details:
was getting ready to come back to area after being away for years
and died in accident before he could come back
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--Death Is:
the end of conscious thought
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt a deep loss, a part now missing, and I cried very, very hard
for the loss
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather passed away (I was very close
to him)
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The total loss of never ever seeing this person again on this level
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
less ritual and better understanding
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
to take one day at a time and appreciate the time you have
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my memories of the happiness this person brought to my life and
others
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that they were closed up in a coffin
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
take with you the part of themselves they offer and give all of
yourself freely for them to take with them
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Right after I heard about it.... it seemed wrong
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him again
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
find him and talk to him before he was lost to me forever
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I truly realized he was gone to me in the physical sence
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
He comes to me in my dreams,I realize how much I miss him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think that we would be together as husband and wife and probably
fight because we knew each other so well but would be happy
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That he is gone so young before I could see him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Shut off the dreams
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was very very sorry I hadn't gotten to see him in person one more
time... wasted time and wasted opportunities
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
No organized religion can replace what i feel in my heart
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic - Do not attend chuch
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like the correct beleif
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't think issues will be resolved. We had too much unfinished
business and I believe that is why I still have d
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I miss you and i'm sorry we are apart now.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The night my friend died the radio came on in another room that
was not turned on. the next day i found out he had passed away.
I knew for sure that it was him
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
wills, living wills,
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
that i loved life and will see you again on another plain
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
the hope of something beyond life
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
talking about my feeling of my loss
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Mon Oct 9 23:19:24 2000
F23 in whittier, california =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
class assign to do an on-line exper.
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Prof/Studies: nursing home/ psych student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: respiratory commpmication; Aged: 78.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my grandfather. I think I was in the
5th grade.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brought my family closer together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband. Just his presence by my side made me feel better
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
sadness. Knowing that person would no longer physically be in
my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I questioned when that person was "REALLY" gone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
ask my grandmother about her life and to get her know her better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there when my grandmother passed. It was a beautiful experience
to have my family experience this all together. It really unified us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i smell perfumes that she liked. Also when I wear the jewelry that
she gave me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people sometimes have to suffer.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
become sad and begin my mourning precess.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
satisfaction that we were able to get such compassionate help.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
happiness that my grandmother was in a better place. That she was
with God and she was not suffering anymore.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
some of my relatives acted selfishly. Others wanted to do evetthing
they could to make the funeral nice.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were a lot of people there who loved my grandmother.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Mon Oct 9 01:07:26 2000
F22 in Hamilton, IL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: machine operator/nursing student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: he was put down; Aged: 12 yrs.
--Details:
It was so sad. He was super loyal. He was really happy that day.
He seemed to have no idea. I remember going to the Dairy Queen and
buying him a dish of vanilla soft serve. He loved that. I spoon
fed it to him and pet him and talked to him. I felt bad because
I hadn't been around him much after I moved out of my parents.
I cried alot. I was angry with my parents for not appreciating
what a great dog he was. They had a younger dog that was about
a year that they pampered, and toward the end of Bear's life they
sort of treated him as if he were a burden because he couldn't get
around well, and he seemed to not hear or see as well. Then they
bawled their eyes out after it was over. I felt like they didn't
realize how great and loyal he was until after he was gone. I still
miss him a whole lot. He was a great dog. He was a family member.
I still get teary eyed when I think about him.
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--Death Is:
an ending to one cahpter of life, but an opening to another. You
go to a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know them well. They were family members that I didn't
really know.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I didn't want to go to Texas for the summer
and leave my precious cat behind. I would be 13 hours away from her.
When I got back she was dead.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I'm unsure. I've never been to a funeral. The only visistation
that I have been to was for an aunt I didn't know.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to help children deal with.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
if it ends someones misery and pain. That is so much more comforting
thatn watching someone suffer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i've never really had to deal with it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It's never happened.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have never really dealt with death unless it's been a pet.
My pets are so important to me that it's still sad.
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Sun Oct 8 20:47:30 2000
M48 in Chicago, Illinois =USA=
Name: Zack Stiglicz
Email: <SZpro=at=aol.com>
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looked up key words death and transcendence
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Prof/Studies: filmmaker/college instructor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 22 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 61.
--Details:
My mother and father had retired to San Diego from Ohio. I was
26 and had my first full-time teaching job (San Francisco State
University). My parents were dancing to the song "Sentimental
Journey" at a Valentine's Day retirement park party. My mother said
to my father: "I finally taught you how to dance." They sat down
to eat and she passed out. They could not revive her. She died
suddenly of a massive heart attack. I was undone. In many ways
she was my best friend. I felt bullets striking my soul for about
three years, and, then, the forgetfulness of time slowly gave relief.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
...the greatest mystery for nearly all of us, the greatest fear for
many of us as well, and that which is longed for more than anything
by many and perhaps most of us as our time here grows old.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
...was curious... and after that fearful.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandparent... mother's father
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not sure what you mean by "this most recent death"
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we don't know how to deal with it creatively. Look at Tibet...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Death is on my mind so much - it has influenced by creative
expression as an artist/filmmaker - let's leave it at that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time... the passage of time... and the cooperation of my artistic
impulses...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The hardest thing actually involved another death... of an aunt... My
father and I both thought we saw her face smile (in the casket)... It
was most likely a weird, shared hallucination... busy work of
tired minds... but it remains the strangest and most frightening
experience of my life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Actually I have only been present at the death (euthanasia) of my 14
year old lhasa apso this last January. I held the animal in my arms;
she trusted me utterly. When they gave her the injection, she howled
as if reaching for the moon. It was extremely moving. Her body
became so unutterably light after she passed. I was completely
overcome with the feeling that I wanted to be able to "hold" other
parts of life and the world with the same tenderness that I had
brought to her last moments. I wish we could "hold/behold" humans
in need in this way... but our human bodies are so cumbersome...
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
see above
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
...
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Death has made me smile... but only the carved skulls at the "Skull
Rack" of Chichen Itza in the Yucatan (where I shot an experimental
film in 1996) brought be close to laughter... a perverse, uncanny,
aware laughter.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Actually this question makes me remember how I made a point of
calling my father (I lived in Massachusetts at the time, he in San
Diego) the night before he died unexpectedly. I walked all the
way across the campus where I taught just to get to a phone (I had
none at the time - it was a rural area and I liked my solitude)
- and it was raining... but something carried me into that final
conversation... he indicated he felt a little ill... he had no
idea he would be dead the next day... our conversation allowed
for something of a reconciliation that I realize, in retrospect,
was really quite wonderful.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see above
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
...thinking the thought: "he/she is better off now... he/she suffered
so much after all." That attitude strikes me as self-serving and
terribly condescending.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Actually, the feelings associated with such reflectiveness have
grown so strangely over the years... there are so many ways of
crying... the tears that come now are filled with comprehension
that those of earlier years did not contain.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
They're there waiting for me/us and it won't be a pretty reunion.
The dead are jealous and they will realize revenge.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
...I don't see any of it as a question of fairness. The
gods... God... god behind god, etc.... all the forces that I
believe are operating "The Show" are simply playing out their games.
We can't even beg for "fairness"... It's the gnostic in me...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
disappear... but I know I'm stuck with THE WHOLE BOG DRAMA myself.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
This is so different from one death to another. It would take a
book to unfold the varieties of my personal experience. Isn't it
that way with everyone?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They don't really care... It's not "managed care".. It's "managed
death"... I'm sure they didn't do much to revive my poor old father
when he passed out at the Veterans Hospital outside San Diego... too
expensive...
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing useful mentally... I'm haunted by my Catholic upbringing.
(The only relief comes from the fact that all the fear of death has
made me a more interesting artist). I'm a gnostic... my Church is
in the ruins of Chichen Itza... the ruins of... etc. etc. etc.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic in the past... long distant past... then on
again/off again agnostic/anti-theist for many years... now a
poetic-spiritualist-gnostic. Sorry... look somewhere else for your
comfortable Presbyterians... I have a unique point of view... or
so it seems in this cookie cutter religious world we live in...
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like "something wonderful" that is there - out there - in here,
next to the heart - but most of us won't even begin to comprehend
because we (and I include myself) are so blinded by prejudiced,
tired, old, unquestioned views of life and death...
--Regarding MONEY:
I ended up with an inheritance which was an much a burden as
a blessing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I'm glad my parents' final affairs were managed most privately.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
...that I think about it all the time...
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
...premonitions... listen to the voices inside...
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't know if I have anything to offer others, except to say -
try to turn the horror into something mindful, something artful,
something terribly tender and wise.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think they've been afraid to get in touch. Ask me later.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Nada...
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Time has offered understanding. I'm amazed, but it has. What I
fear greatly are the deaths and dying of tomorrow.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
...
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Nada... wish it would happen... Oh I have dreams of them, but
as they were, it seems... or beyond any issues of their death.
My dreams do not coincide with the realm of death.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Respect. Treat them with Respect. We throw the dying away, as
if they're garbage. They are Great Mysteries as they start their
passage... We'll never comprehend this until we being the Slide.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about it daily, hourly, by the minute perhaps. I have
lived knowing I'm HIV+ since 1985. I have many advanced degrees in
"Understanding my Mortality." And, yet... it seems as it was with
Socrates... the more I think I know, the more I realize that I,
in truth, "do Nothing know."
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
my art
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to behave as if every minute is the last. Be advised... I
try... I don't succeed.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
... just with parts of myself.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I transformed the experience into fantasies
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
fear from overhearing my mother talk about dreaming of the death
before its occurrence
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Again, I became an artist... I probably did this to cope with fears
of Death and Dying.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was really a nice experience. The questions strike me as
thoughtful and caring. They aided my thinking about death. Thanks.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Sorry.. it's late and I have no solid recommendations. I think
your questions are quite good as they stand.
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Sun Oct 8 07:32:36 2000
M32 in , =Wales=
Name: Alex
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Care of adolecents
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The next step on the ladder
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Could not feel anything but elation, and happy for them.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My recently born sister died of hart troubles
at three months old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The feeling of inevitability.
--What I think my (Wales) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is nothing to be afraid of, so why hold onto life the way we do.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Most people i have known who have died had no quality of life anyway.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
There is no need to regret anything, most dead people would
understand.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
on the whole i couldnt get rid of the feeling that by mourning the
death in the way every body else was, i was just trying to seek
the attention of other people. Quite a selfish exurcise i think.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Not knowing why every body made such a show of it.
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Sun Oct 8 04:57:10 2000
F in Des Moines, Iowa =U.S.A.=
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Prof/Studies: Mom
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
change
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was truck by lightning, at a young age. Not
too young to remember the storm's powre. I died that night, but I
am here now.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the waste of potential, and the impression it surely branded in so
many lives.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the progresion in my own self, and acceptance I now know we all
must obtain to be "right" in life and in death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own feelings, changing. It taught me so much about myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the anger towards those "faulted", and the sense of abandonement
and betrayal.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
acceptance. You can't change the scheme of things, just try to see
whee we ALL fit in. We all fit in somewhere, make sure you hold
alot of happiness, to take with you.
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
grew, even when I wasn't willing or capable of letting go. I am
someone else because of my experience.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it came so abruptly.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I will not regret, or what if. To do so would be unfair to me and
everyone in my life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
show my love each day. There was no doubt in our minds of the love
that surrounded us. We appreciated eachother, and loved eachother
shamelessly, with no regrets... even now he's closer to me than
anything, or anyone.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd be me without some hole in my self. We still feel eachother,
but physically touch.... I only get in sleep.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to be with him more than anything. But I will never be able
to completly understand what happened that morning, noon, or evening,
no matter how much I try {still to this day}.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the utmost respect. They let him go with his dignity and soul.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
reassuring.
--Regarding MONEY:
of a pebble
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
excusing a very large part of myself, to go on ahead and go. He
had to go somewhere.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
strength of self wit, and an all around wholeness.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Sat Oct 7 02:00:26 2000
M19 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age/heart attack; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
just the next stage in life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
don't remember
--That first time, how it happened was
I think she was my great great aunt, but I'm not sure.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
prople crying
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not such a big deal. People over-react to much.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I didn't need support
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
sitting still for so long [at the funeral](hey, I was little)
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
people looked at me strange...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the whole thing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Fri Oct 6 23:00:14 2000
F19 in waterford, =ireland=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: administration
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 25.
--Details:
she was a manic depressive
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went to see the body laid out but didn't really think much more
about it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was.. my grandfather died from leukemia.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people saying what a shame it happened, then contradicting themselves
saying it was for the best
--What I think my (ireland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i think it has a very healthy attitude towards death, in that it's
nothing to fear abd inevitable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it has put a lot of people out of pain
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
sharing stories about the person after they have gone
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it brought it home that it happens to everyone and there is no
escaping it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first heard about the death and how it happened
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it had to do with my upbringing which always stressed to see the
funny side of things
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
really know what was going through the person's mind just before
they died
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the type of funeral and coffin the person has
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i read a similar story
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why take someone with so much going for them or who has young
children that will be left
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know what 's there when you die, or if there is anything there at all
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt intrigued wondering what happens after you die
--Religious Affiliation:
atheist
--Regarding MONEY:
a fancy coffin was wanted and there was bickering over who would
the left money go to
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing someone so young laid out in the coffin
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 6 22:59:02 2000
F19 in waterford, =ireland=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: administration
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 25.
--Details:
she was a manic depressive
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went to see the body laid out but didn't really think much more
about it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was.. my grandfather died from leukemia.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people saying what a shame it happened, then contradicting themselves
saying it was for the best
--What I think my (ireland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i think it has a very healthy attitude towards death, in that it's
nothing to fear abd inevitable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it has put a lot of people out of pain
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
sharing stories about the person after they have gone
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it brought it home that it happens to everyone and there is no
escaping it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first heard about the death and how it happened
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it had to do with my upbringing which always stressed to see the
funny side of things
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
really know what was going through the person's mind just before
they died
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the type of funeral and coffin the person has
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i read a similar story
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why take someone with so much going for them or who has young
children that will be left
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know what 's there when you die, or if there is anything there at all
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt intrigued wondering what happens after you die
--Religious Affiliation:
atheist
--Regarding MONEY:
a fancy coffin was wanted and there was bickering over who would
the left money go to
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing someone so young laid out in the coffin
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 6 17:58:50 2000
M25 in Barrie, Ontario =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: B.A. Religious Studies
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I and Thou, Confessions, Myth of Sisyphus, The Plague, The Death
of Ivan Illych
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Martin Buber, St. Augustine, Albert Camus, Plato, Tolstoy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 80.
--Details:
It was very sudden. He has won a golf tournament the week before.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
extinction of the "I"
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young. It didn't bother me much then.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was in a car accident. My grandmother
was killed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how he looked in the casket. He was simply a shell.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to take it far more seriously.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
There are no gifts in death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my hope in something greater than myself. I don't want to call
this thing God, but it might as well be.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Dealing with the people who say ridiculous things like..."It was
for the best"...or..."I'm sure he's in a better place now."
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to touch them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this never happened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there when he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there while he was in the hospital
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be eternal.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
My past affiliation is Presbyterian. I no longer attend church.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
non-existent, though I wish I had felt it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how it seemed so fake and so contrived.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
nothing.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I wish.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Terror.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I read some kind of theology or philosophy. Kierkegaard got me
through my grandfathers death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I don't handle it very well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Fri Oct 6 13:37:58 2000
F32 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
"The Mourning After"
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Helen Fitzgerald
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: sudden massive heart attack; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My father was a minister and one of our church
members died...That happened quite frequently
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
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Fri Oct 6 12:04:53 2000
F36 in Charleston, SC =29407=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 18 ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 71.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to life on earth, but a beginning of eternal life with Christ
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very sad. I could not believe I would never see her again and
found it difficult to face as a teenager.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died when I was 18.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I tried to escape the grief process with alcohol and denial.
--What I think my (29407) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to acknowledge it and not be afraid of it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it sealed in some wonderful memories of her and made me see her as
a human being, imperfect, yet loved.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
That my family felt equally sad.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I could not see her again and the fear that I would
forget her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
Not having a funeral service to attend. No finality. Long distance
and we did not get to go to a wake/funeral.
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Thu Oct 5 23:49:59 2000
F34 in Bakersfield, Ca =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: selfemployed
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 13 ago.
Cause of Death: massive heart attack; Aged: 62.
--Details:
His death happened within 15 minutes. I had always knew he would
die of a heart attack. Rarely had illnesses, slightly over weight
a smoker for 25 years...had not smoked for the last 11 years of
his life.He knew he would die quickly...he did right infront of
me.Alot of guilt to deal with...all the should of could have would
have. Was able to come to the comforting conclusion that it was a
quick and dignified death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Part of our history and existance.From the earth back to the earth.In
thinking that there is a possibility to return in some small form
back to a plant,fish,animal or human. Or to stay dorment in the
earth until consumed and passed on.I believe we are all one in the
same...connected by our fragile planet.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Passing over the miscarrage my mother had to the next death that
came when I was 11. my grandmother. When she died I wept for the
loss of her.She also was sure that Christ(as in Jesus) would come
for us all before she died. Well stricken with cancer and dying
within a month of being diagnosed she concluded that God wanted
her there first to tidy things up. Her words had always been golden
to me and her belief so strong it would pull you in.When she died
that was my first taste of reality verses belief. I was confused
and sadened that my life could be impacted so easily by the frailty
of the human body.Prayers had not been answered and that was the
first time I thought maybe there was no one to hear them.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was five and my mother miscarried early
in her pregnacy. Never got to know my sibling so wasn't affected
strongly but did feel a slight loss and what could have been.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Most recent death was of my long time companion Hidee(a dog)but
the best friend I ever had. She was with me for 19 years she was
put to rest 2 years ago. Had been preparing for her death the day
I got her as a pup.Obsessed about her safety. When she was ill I
would will her better. It worked for many years. I grew tired of the
worry and struggle and felt I owed her as my best pet companion to
let her go. Those around me were supportive for they all knew how
much I loved that dog.The whole dying experience with my dog was
harder than with my father. May sound funny but it was.My dad left
quickly and stubbornly the way he wanted. Hidee struggled to stay
with me...until her lil 19 year old dog body couldnt anymore. Guilt
set in alot...I chose to put her to sleep...guilt...I chose to keep
her alive that long ...guilt.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That we are all part of one massive entity.Death and loss will always
be there. Killing anything is like killing yourself or another.We
can each make ourselves and others happier by acceptance.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my father was home with his family when he died. he died
quickly. My dog died with me petting her as she fell into a deep
sleep then passed on.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Accepting that we all have to die no one gets a free pass...so make
the best of every life and every death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The physical loss of that being.The adjustment of not having
them there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Physical contact...energy exchange...touching my dad's head as he
died holding his hand.Petting my dog.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I have learned that I am weaker than I had thought and that I am
stronger than I had thought.Not much help just the truth as known
to me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I explained that earlier at age 11. Death is very real and easily
graspable so the process of someone dying isn't confusing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is a inch away from crying...both acceptable in any
circumstance.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
In my fathers case...mnake that stubborn man go to the
doctor...perhaps he'd still be here perhaps not.Waisted time from
those you love.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The falshes of insite of upcoming death of those who who i have
lost or have yet to lose
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the whole ceremonial and cemetery experience. we do that for the
comfort of us not the person deseased.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Never over it how can you be.I just hate the thoughts of ok who is
next and how do I prepare...wasteful thoughts but ever so strong.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
thats done in my dreams...then I wake up
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
many times with my dad...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
pass on before anyone else i love dies...then I relize how selfish
that is
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I always understood death but had a hard time accepting it...still
do and will always.In my movie no one would die or suffer but I
didnt make the movie I am just a part of it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Medical Community in my opinion did what they could...but aways
room for improvement
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
explained already
--Regarding MONEY:
People need to wisely prepare for
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was sad for us all
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
feel what you feel...dig down and make those last moments count
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
This subject is one that makes me smile with the most hope.I have
had experiencs that make me believe that the soul...aura...chakra
or whatever it is..perhaps just magnectic impulses or mass energy
does travel and moves on to a different level of our world.Did I
see that with my loved ones yes to an extent but unsure if it was
just the body as a candle dimming then going out.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Many dreams of seeing myself dead even walking up to mkyself lying
there and touching my arm.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
LOVED ones in my dreams. Would love to think that I was making
contact but my Jungarian mind will not let it be that simple. Had
vision and strange manifestations but sadly never of a loved one
even though I despertly would and have encouraged it.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe that if a person wished to not suffer and wishes to end
their suffering than that is their right and No one should have
any say otherwise
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have always thought maybe even hoped that I would die early
in life...before 40 Natural death is preferred death by another
is horrific
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking to the the deseased one occassionally.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
The thoughts of death invade my mind quite a bit. I switch my mind
to other thoughts on the lighter side.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
Religious Upbringing...switching from a heavenly belief thought to
a more scientific...we are from the earth and growth and,erosion
are part of the All that is.
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Wed Oct 4 21:55:49 2000
F24 in las vegas, nevada =clark=
Name: chrissy
Email: <tina448=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: admin. assistant
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
father battled cancer for 7 years and then became terminal
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
when my father died the people i went to school with & teachers
acted as if i weren't there
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Tue Oct 3 04:18:04 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Yahoo search engine
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 23yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 19.
--Details:
The day is October 2nd in the evening 6.30 pm . She has been admitted
in the hospital immeditely but of no use. Seen her in no motion has
given me a very soul detachment and after postmartem of the body
her face has been changed and mkaes me very gulity that nothing
has been done from my side to save her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Huamn death means just nothing the body becomes senseless for ever
and the respirtion will be stopped for ever and is of no use. If
the body is not cremated withing 24 hours, a bad odour will comes
out from the dead body which will be harmful to all the sourrounding
people. So cremation is essential
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...While I was going to see my uncle in the
railway yard in the morning 8.00 am and walking between the railway
lines along and thinking something else, the shunting coaches from
back side approaches my back side. All of sudden something awakened
me and looked back side suddently and jumped out of the lines
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Superstition
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Mon Oct 2 18:17:09 2000
F23 in mission, bc =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72 .
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--Death Is:
the end of our current exisitence and the beginning of a new form
of freedom
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid and uncomfortable. I was unsure what to do or how
to feel.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my cat had to be put down because she had
cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
getting told over the telephone
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with it and how to interact with people who have just
experienced a death in their family or life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
seeing my grandmother's strength and spirit despite her physical
death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and beliefs
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing that my grandfather was sick...just finding out suddenly
that he had died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
smiling.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
there is a great release and freedom in death. It is a new
beginning, a form changer.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
going or knowing where the gravesite is.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was thankfull
--Religious Affiliation:
christianity
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Mon Oct 2 12:14:25 2000
M17 in Peoria, AZ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
extra credit assignment for psyc 101, went to yahoo.com and then
proceded...
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Prof/Studies: Nursing major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: Lupus; Aged: around 40.
--Details:
A close friends mother died of lupus in her sleep, it was a very
traumatic thing for everyone to go through
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--Death Is:
When a soul has decided that it is time to leave the body for
whatever reason, a higher being wanting him to, or the body no longer
sutible to be in, and that body then becomes lifeless and is buried.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was so young, sad and confused. I didnt understand why she was gone
and i really wanted her to come back.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a school friend was walking to school one
day and was killed by a hit and run driver.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
At the funeral when all my friends friends showed up to support the
family. It was a very sad thing, at the funeral all her children
got up and sung a song...it was very moving.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To celebrate that persons life and realize that they are in a better
place now.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
getting intouch with my thoughts, emotions and beliefs on death
and how i vew it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Keeping my self really busy with extra curricular activities at
school, so that i couldnt dwell on the topic.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seing her son in so much pain and how much that this one person
effected so many lives.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
NA
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
think that we will be able to see our loved one again and i know
that that will be a great moment reuniting with them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the person is just about to die, like the moments before.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
NA
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be closer to that person
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there to support my friend when he needed someone.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the different ways that her kids coped with the ordeal.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the people recalling their moments with her to others.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
na
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dont know, i guess it would still be very similar to how things
are now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did they have to go now?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it ever happened
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
got very sad, quiet and reminiscent of being around her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
mixed emotions, thinking in the now, and then thinking eternally.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
na
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that we would see them in the after life again
--Religious Affiliation:
Latter Day Saints (LDS, Mormon)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that death is a temporary thing
--Regarding MONEY:
how nice the funeral was.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there was a lot of people in attendance.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the first hearing of it
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the person accepting the fact theyre dieing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a quick process because i keep so busy that i dont think
about it much
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
for this particular death i have no idea
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
my mother had 2 near death experiences where she saw her grandmother
and she told her that it wasnt her time and sent her back to us.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
na
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
nope
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
bright warm white light with my great grandmother there looking
very well and happy.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
you should do whatever the dying person wants done, its their death
and thats that.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i know that i will someday, but i a m not really looking forward
to it, if you know what i mean.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just keeping my mind away from it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
not really
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
well, i have gotten closer to my friend after his mother died
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not really, it made me think about what i thought of that experience
but i didnt really do anything great for me.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
well, so of them are hard to understand because you kind of start
the sentance for us, and its alittle werid and hard to get.
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See Sep 00 contributions.
See Aug 00 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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