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See  Current   contributions.
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See  Jun 97   contributions.
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Sun Aug 31 20:53:49 1997
F27 in Vega Baja, Puerto Rico ==
Name: Frances 
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  looking for mind games in the net
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Prof/Studies: management consultant 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: 1.Chicken soup for the soul series  2.Cuando lo que Dios hace no tiene sentido 
	    Authors: 1. Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen    2. Dr. James Dobson
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 60.
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--Death Is: 
     just a step

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     want to go with him

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...cancer kills my lovely daddy at age 60 (6/11/96). 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the special person my father was.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     un proceso natural en el que todos participaremos, con sentido totalmente
positivo

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     La seguridad de que mi padre aceptó el proceso de la muerte como uno normal
y natural.  Se fué tranquilo, sabiendo que hizo un muy buen trabajo. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     La lectura. Evité las supuestas muestras de afecto y apoyo por temor a no
poder reconocer la honestidad y sinceridad de ellas. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     La dependencia emocional que mantenia con mi padre.  El era mi razón de
vivir

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Serialo ideal.  Me brindaria la oportunidad de reunirme en algun momento con
mi padre.  Creo en la promesa de Dios y he trabajado para alcanzarla

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     The special communication between dad and me

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 

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Sun Aug 31 19:43:30 1997
F30 in Springfield,  VA  =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  searching in yahoo, just looking around
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 week ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of existence as we know it.  It is scary because we really
don't understand it. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was quite shaken up, but got over it after the passage of time.  I
was more upset thinking about what she went through right before her
death, than the actual end of her existence.

--That first time, how it happened was
     A friend of my younger sister's was killed by her father, who had
been very depressed.  He killed his entire family with an axe, and then
shot himself.  They lived a few houses down the street from my family. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the times I could and should have been nicer to this friend.  

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking to other people who knew my friend as well as I did. 
Attending the funeral, and having a last chance to say goodbye.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     guilt and anger.  Knowing that I will never see my friend again, and
that I will never be able to tell him how much he meant to me.  Feeling
that he might still be here if I had been more perceptive, nicer, more
giving, something... 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     at the funeral when it really sunk in.  I didn't know my friend was
being cremated.  When I showed up, I saw a tiny little ceramic box instead
of a casket.  I couldn't believe my friend was in that tiny box.  It was a
strange feeling because up until then I kept feeling that he might be
coming back.  Seeing that box upset me because I couldn't figure out why I
thought he would be coming back when I knew he was dead. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     give him a hug and tell him how much I liked him.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried.  I cried and thought about it constantly.  I had conversations
with him in my head.  I pictured scenes where I ran into him before hand
and talked him out of it.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     his mother seemed cheerful.  It was strange seeing her smiling and
laughing with people.  But I think it was her way of coping, and she was
acting like that because of all the people she was meeting for the first
time who really loved and cared about her son. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the initial reaction I had upon hearing of his death.  I didn't seem
to be all that affected.  It was like hearing that he had taken a
vacation.  Until a few hours later when I started shaking and crying
uncontrollably.  I don't know I wasn't initially upset, maybe I was just
in shock. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I have a lot of guilt about not being there for him when he needed a
friend.  I've been talking to his other friends about this, and it turns
out we all feel exactly the same. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I wrote him a letter, and have had long conversations with him where
I tell him all the things I should have told him while he was alive. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Perhaps you should include a question for those who are dealing with
the suicide of a loved one.  I think the feelings and reactions to a
suicide are quite different than to a natural death.  The first person I
knew who died was murdered, and the last person I knew who died committed
suicide.  I feel very differently about these deaths than I do about
deaths due to physical illness or old age. 

	[ Ed Note:  Noted;  We are developing new versions of the
	 questionnaire, and will consider this feedback as well. ]

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Sat Aug 30 14:27:11 1997
F48 in Providence, RI =USA=
Name: Doreen Whiteside   <WWistful-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  researching death and dying preparing to teach class
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Prof/Studies: Registered Nurse 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: ;  Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the process in which the body ages and slowly ceases to function properly

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was 11 yrs old and really didn't understand what had happened.  What I remember the most was
that it was the first time I had ever seen my Dad cry

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was my fraternal grandfather had terminal cancer.  He was cared for in the
home and I was present as my dad was a primary caregive

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the peace and tranquility that surrounded the death and the feeling of serinity I continue to
have when thinking of my mom's death

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is natural process, not to be feared.  That the family should be more educated in
preparation for the death of a loved one

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That I was able to be with my mom holding her in my arms and that we were both aware of the
happenings and both at peace with it and each other

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Hopsice

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I am a nurse.  It was difficult for me to leave that role and just be a daughter.  Family
members looked to me for answers and I didn't have them all the time

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Tell the dying person is Ok to let go.  That the survivors will be ok.  That the survivors
will help each other during those hard times.  Help the dying person make the passage with love
and sincerity.  I played soft paino music as we held each other
 during those last moments. 

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I: 
     Realized how much my mom had done throughout her life and was so very grateful that I had the
opportunity to care for her and help her last months less painful.  I have found a profound sense
of peace from the experience

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     when I couldn't separate my career as a nurse with my role as a daughter.  As a nurse I was
not objective and as a daughter I was too objective

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     The urge to laugh was never that strong for me. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     When thinking back, I have no regrets.  I was afforded the time and possessed the skills to
care for my mom in her home..... which was her only wish..... that she die in her home

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Take the necessary time out of work. To face my depression and overcome it. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the logistics of the funeral arrangements

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     sometimes I am blindsided with feelings of grief or tears.  There isn't any warning.....
Sometimes Iforget that my mom is dead and I think "oh I can't wait to tell Mom this news" and then
suddently realize that she is gone

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     became depressed and had suidicial thoughts.  To me my own death would have been less painful
than witnessing my mom 's deathe

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Hospice was the backbone of support to the family 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     see above 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     not very much 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The crowds of people that showed up for the services was a testiment to my mom's goodness
throughout her life

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     getting in touch more with myself

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Since I am a nurse this was not an issue for me

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     most of my grieveing was done prior to the actual death 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Oh wow !  My mom spoke to her mom and dad during the last day of her life.  She would appear
as if she could actually see them.  She was telling them not to leave her and to help her. 
 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     I was only 11

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 

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Fri Aug 29 20:56:14 1997
F26 in St. Johns,  =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo Serch
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  18yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack;  Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of that persons life on this earth,but a begining of life on a higher level. Nomatter
how good this sounds the people left on this earth miss and rember that person always. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was 8 years old, lied to about things, and told to deal with by myself. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was my step-father told me that my grandfather had passed away. It was a few
days after he had a heart attack. He was like my father becaused i was raised by my grandmother &
grandfather, I did remain w/ my grandmother after his deat h.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     sadness , always missing , bitterness

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     i don't know -maybe every one should be aloud to deal with it in anyway and for how long they
need. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that i had him and he loved me always and still does,he is my most cheeriest memorie.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     don't know or remember any one being helping me in a way i needed. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not being able to say good-by or to know that it was going to happen the way it didd before
it did. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     not there 

--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     no 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     everything

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     never had that feeling,thank God,never laughed or felt that i could. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say good-by with a kiss.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     that he loved me and that i should let go.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     still cry when i think hard about it or visit his grave.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     all my teen years would not have been the way they were,I belive i would have done things
differtly and for the better

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     see him, hear what he would have to say about that question 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     as a adult, i acknowlegde it then , can not say i understand it still.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     to young 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     don't know 

--Regarding MONEY:
     greed 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     don't know i was 8

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     denil was the big one and hate(angry) was also 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     i have alot of issues but,still don't know how to resolve them. Not so much with my loved one
i was a child when he passed and just loved and adored him. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     not sure i want to think about that now.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     think of him most every day

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     The knowing that they go on to a better place w/ God and that they are still watching and in
a way still w/ us. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
     I still have near really delt with this death. 

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Fri Aug 29 15:59:58 1997
M47 Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Psalm 143 
	    Authors: David
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  10yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 71.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of the physical organisms existance

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     thought they went to sleep.

--That first time, how it happened was
     A relative I knew very well had a heart attack

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the finality of it.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     the finality of it.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     nothing

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     prayer, holy scripture, personal love. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     never being able to see them again.  

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Not really confused at all.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I did not laugh, but cried uncontrolably. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     become financially sucessful at an earlier age.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     The willow tree we sat by every morning at breakfast was struck by lightening that week and
destroyed. All of the mourning doves that sat on it then sat on trees on our front lawn and I
realized, by their cry, why they are called "mourning" doves. 

   Also, how they sky became as dark as night at the graveside in the morning during the burial.
It seemed fitting that the sky should react in this way.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     N/A

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would still not realize how temporary this life is. That death is only a heartbeat away and
will certainly be here in the near distant future. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     N/A

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     could Understand how others close to him could not accept it for a long time. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Total disallusionment. They have no ability beyond the band aid. Profit is the motive that
has replaced goodwill and only a practiced liar would disagree

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Very little. The reality of our universe and origin meant everything. I am glad we were aware
of this.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I don't know what you refer to. If you mean pretending it feels phony.  

--Regarding MONEY:
     It took care of itself 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The sky turning absolutely black at graveside and the hush that everyone "felt". How it began
to rain very hard just as we began to walk to our cars. Very final. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     being seized with uncontrolable grief. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Accepting the reality of what happens and how it will happen to us all is very important to
realize. This is not a play and always ends in death. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I am very glad I told this person I loved them, quite coincidentally, the evening they died.
I may not have said that in many, many years prior to that. 
    There are no unresolved issues. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I have no issues to discuss. Our life fulfilled it's direction and is still doing so.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Care of dependents.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am sure I will die. It may not be soon. I have few goals in this life. I believe it will be
beautiful. I won't be disappointed. I don't believe in pretense about anything. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Nothing ever helps anyone if they are seeing the truth of the matter. They may pretend all
they want, but the person is always still dead. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     A presence of individuality had come upon me after this. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     I was told they went to heaven

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It made me remember how most folks take refuge in pretense and would rather believe a fairy
tale than face the real issues of life. I guess because of all the false priests and pretentious
philospohies people would rather believe in I wish there was some way I could convey this
confidence I have found to people so they would realize they do not have to be scared into
pretending. It's really a good universe. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Where do you think the person went?
Will you see them again?
Was there justice to be found in their death?
Was there grace to be found in their death?
Did any religion seem credable in relation to your experience?
Are you afraid of dying?
If yes, why?

	[ Ed Note:  We'll save these for thinking about, next update of the Questionnaire... ]

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Thu Aug 28 20:16:12 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
  Yahoo browsing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 months  ago.
Cause of Death: epileptic seizure;  Aged: 20.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandmother died of cancer

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 

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Thu Aug 28 13:22:58 1997
F30 in Washington, DC =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: How We Die 
	    Authors: I wish I could remember the name, but it was great. 
			Very realistic. Took the myster right out of it.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  16 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Nothing, he just didn't wake up from a nap.;  Aged: 73.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     is when our bodies cease to function.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     DOH, I can only experience my own!  BUT, I get the picture, so I'd have to say
I bawled, but more because I had never seen my dad cry, and he was hysterical, and
it scared the crud out of me.  I was only 7. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my uncle passed on very suddenly of a heart attack.
Just keeled over at the table. I was only 7, so I didn't know him, but it really
upset my father. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The most recent death was the mother of a former co-worker.  I never knew the
lady, but I went to the wake because I knew it would mean something to my friend. I
was touched by the number of people from my office who did the same thing. It was a
testament to how wonderfully the deceased raised her daughter that her daughter
would have so many friends to help her through her pain. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it's a natural part of life and that it is infinitely better than living
on in agony or drugged up and out of it just to fill some doctor's wallet. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that I loved someone enough to hurt when they died.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: 
     knowing that the last time I saw my grandfather, it was to help him out. I was
14, and I came over to rake the leaves.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that he was the last grandparent I had. I didn't know the paternal ones, and
my maternal grandmother died a few years before. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     those who are dying like to be touched, even if it's just holding hands. I
think it keeps them connected to this world so that they don't feel as though they
are already dead.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     most people would rather you find some happy memory about them so that you CAN
laugh when you think of them, rather than go around beating your breast in
mourning. When I go, don't even wear black, unless you are going out to eat at a
fancy restaurant after the funeral. I'd really rather you wore something loud,
crazy, and fun--like my personality. It's my death, honor it my way, please! ;-)

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ask my grandfather what it was like when he was little. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know him at all. He was a cool guy. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     people kept talking about my ex-boyfriend's friend in the present tense at the
wake. I guess because it happened suddenly and tragically, no one really had time
to let it sink in.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he died so young.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     realized that it's probably a lot harder on those who are left behind. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they didn't do anything. My basic view on involving the medical community is
that the medical community has a vested interest in prolonging someone's life, no
matter how bad the quality of that life is, because that person's life is billable.
Hospice is different, but most doctors want you to stay alive long enough to get
all your money. That's it.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a big pain in the derriere. When my other uncle died, my born-again Christian
cousins threw a fit when my father asked if he could have a priest come in and say
a few words. It did not matter to them that my uncle had been Catholic for most of
his life, and that the rest of the family still is. They didn't give a fig that it
might have helped my DAD. All they cared about was their own petty political CRAP
in their church group. It made me sick. This man was my father's brother, and he
knew him longer than all of them. No respect for fraternity. None. Frankly, when I
go, if people feel it will help them to have a Buddhist monk show up, go for it.
And if you start fighting over religion, I am going to come back and haunt you.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     more natural. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     we each got a little bit. I went to Europe for a week with mine. Grandpa would
have been happy knowing that I used it to learn something. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it's no place to wage a War of the Roses or start preaching about how your
religion is better than mine. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     when, at my ex-boyfriend's friend's funeral, my ex-boyfriend's mother brought
her camera and started taking pictures of everyone. The deceased was a cop, and my
ex is a cop, and most of the guys there were cops, and her reasoning was that they
were all in uniform and all together, but still, it was very strange.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     distraction and a great desire to leave the hospital. Also, I understand that
those who are just about to die start calling for their mothers. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it is best to remember the good times and to not beat your- self up over what
you could have, would have, should have done for and with this person.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I am glad they can find comfort in that. It seems to make them less frightened
of the whole thing. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     My mother almost died after a reaction to angiogram fluid.  She remembers
looking down from the ceiling and seeing people working on her. That's about all
she remembers about three entire weeks in the hospital, even though she was lucid
about 80% of the time. That and getting in the car to come home.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I believe that when someone dies, they then know everything, so I don't have
problems with resolving "issues." A favorite phrase in my family is, "Well, now he
knows!" 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I'd ask them to tell me what life was like before I was born.  It would just
help to feel like I knew them even more. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Get a Living Will. Make sure the medical community won't try to keep you in a
vegetative state. Say it often, and say it loudly to those you love. 

No religious wars.

And personally, I'm an avid skier and hockey nut, so if my loved ones miss me and
want to feel close to me, they can take up skiing or go to a hockey game and yell
their heads off. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I've thought about it a great deal. I love earthly life, but at times it can
be truly awful. I'd like to see how my life turns out, but if I knew I only had a
few months until it turned out for good, I'd take advantage of that edge.  I'd tell
folks and give them a chance to tell me whatever they wanted so THEY have no
unresolved issues. I'd travel.  I'd eat whatever I wanted. Heck, I'd even smoke a
few cigarettes! I'd look forward...not back.  It will be an adventure, and it will
satisfy my curiosity.  In the meantime, I thoroughly intend to live life to the
fullest, because you never know when your number is up. It could be next month,
next week, tomorrow...today!  On the other hand, I also take very good care of my
health, because my number may not be up for a long, long time! If you are going to
be here a while, you might as well feel good. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I'll listen to music from the time in my life when I knew the person. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     

 - - - - -  P e r s o n a l   H i s t o r y  - - - - -

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I wasn't sure if you wanted reflections on just one death for the whole thing,
so I just drew from a lot of experiences. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Aug 28 09:34:23 1997
M32 in Ottawa,, Ontario =Canada=
Name:    <andreas-at-cyberus.ca>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology Student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Wife,  4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: struck by a car;  Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     like having the foundation upon which you rest, and believe is solid, suddenly
swept out from beneath your feet.  It is about change, without control, or warning. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     found it very hard to understand how someone who was part of my life, no
longer was.  I also had a hard time dealing with what my relationship to that
person now was after their death. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My wife, aged 27, was struck and killed by a drunk
driver, while she was returning to work on her lunch break. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how time was suspended by this giant stop watch, and that our chance to love,
care for, and cherish those people in our lives ends at death's door, and that
there are no take-2's. 

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It is part of being alive, of valueing life.  Also I feel that many do not
understand the need to share stories, honor the dead. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     They death and marriages bring out the best and the worst in people.  I know
who my friends are, and I know that there is nothing that cannot face in the
future. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Knowing that everyone grieves in their own way, and in there own time, and
that however thing unfolded to allow things to happen in their own time.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not being able to share with anyone the experiences, memories, and values that
had shaped over half my life with anyone because the only context in which they
made sense was with the person who was gone. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I never got to say goodbye. 

--[My Wife's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     can laugh, can smile, can love, when I thought I never would be able to again. 
Also I learned how incredibly finite time is, and that we should be and do what we
really value. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     everyone, books included, charted a course for how my grief would unfold, and
in stubborn fashion it failed to follow any of the models.  I still have never
really broke down and cried, I don't know why, and I don't think it has stopped me
from under standing or dealing with grief, but as a culturaly norm, the expectation
of what should happen became my own handicapp. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Say goodbye.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     learn from the experience of death.  I believe the greatest tragedy would be
to face death, and then continue on without some understanding.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the nurses in the hospital, after my wife had been pronounced brain dead and
everyone had arrived at the hospital, came to me and with compassion allowed me to
make the decision to remove life support.  Having that ability to give my wife the
dignity of departure was unbelievably important to me. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would be a different person, my wife would be coming home to someone other
than me.  I do not want to unlearn, thought I would love to have her back. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     what I think, in the middle of the night, is we were meant to be together, and
we are not, and this is not how it was meant to be. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     tried to recapture my wife in experiences that we had shared in the past. 
Unfortunately they were devoid of meaning without her. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     compassion, both at the hospital, and at the funeral home. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     betrayal by God. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I talk to my departed wife, I believe I will see her again, not in heaven but
somewhere.  I have come to believe the importance is not in what others believe but
that I believe in something that has value to me. 

--Regarding MONEY: 
     it cost me a lot to grant my wife's wish of cremation.  If their appeal had
gone through it could have cost me $100000 Canadian.  I think some things, even
abstract ones, go beyond money. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     conflict and confrontation.  And the value of friend's hugs.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     shopping for a coffin as if I was in a department store.  A scene from the
twilight zone. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     In cases of abrupt death, the greatest unresolved issues can be the simplest. 
Why is it important to say goodnight or bye at the end of the evening.  What would
I say?  Goodbye, is it o.k. for me to go on alone, will you be o.k.? 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     #1 Have a will with clear instruction about who you wish to be your
executor/administrator.  It cost me I month of grief in court at a time I could not
afford it. 
	#2 Tell others about how you wish to be laid to rest, after your death, in Canada
the deceased has no rights over their own body, and so the trust is in those who
survive you. 
	#3 Sign your organ donor card, and let your family know.  Take into account
religious, specifically Islamic, Judaic, and Catholic views on the sanctity of the
body. 
	#4 Discuss whether you would want to be permanently connected to life
support if you were brain dead, with those you love.  If it is legal where you are
create a living will. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am not afraid anymore, I know I will die, and if my wife is there to meet
me, why would I be afraid?  If I am wrong and death is just silent, then what is
there to fear? 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     feeling free to talk to my wife had given me great comfort.  It is as close as
I have gotten to experiencing her presense.  I also found putting together a photo
album very helpful.  Strangely I don't need to look at it that often, the memories
are i n my head, but the activity of doing something that involves the person who
has died is in and of itself helpful, maybe just because it allows you to
creatively think about that person without being swamped by waves of emotion that
can overwhelm. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Support Group 
     I also sought out professional counselling after a prolonged depression.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 
     My wife's family brought a court injunction against me, to prevent my wife
from having her wish to be cremated, because of their religious beliefs.  She got
her wish.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     This is a great questionairre, specifically allowing individuals to answer
some or all.  For me it allowed me to summarize some of the things I am still
working on or have worked through. Thank You. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 27 22:36:58 1997
F26 in chicago,  ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: nothing whatsoever.  I've found them to be full of useless
			platitudes that have no bearing on my unique experience. 
			Everyone's experience is unique. 
	    Authors: 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp will be death of Husband, but not quite gone yet.
Cause of Death likely to be: cancer;  Aged: 39 now.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a giant dark sucking nothingness that indiscriminately eats and destroys
whomever it comes across. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     didn't feel a thing except fear that it would someday happen to me. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my uncle whom I barely knew was killed in a car
accident when I was about four.  I barely grasped the concept at the time.  Mom and
Dad told me he was in heaven so I was really fine with it. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     blind rage, lashing out at everyone around me, my husband lashing out at me
and calling me a fucking moron twice a day.  Death has come between us and
destroyed our marriage.  And the rest of my life. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     patting a dying person on the head and saying "we're praying for you" is not
the support everyone thinks it is. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     death has NO GIFTS. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     tangible helpful acts by my friends, and humor, even black humor. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing that we are both completely alone in this.  Nobody understands, even
if they think they do.  We are alone and we will be to the end. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 
     it isn't fair that not everyone gets to live to 80.  or 40. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 27 21:36:20 1997
F40's in Macomb, Illinois  =USA=
Name: <chaletra-at-macomb.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  5 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer, we think.... (Long Story)    Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     like going to sleep, never to open your eyes again. you will be met by the
HOLY one to go the place where the streets are paved in gold, never to feel pain or
unhappiness again. a place where you will always smile and be happy. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     am trying to remember the very first one, can't really, my grandma died when i
was very young, we had to travel many miles to get to her home.  it was when they
had the bodies at home.  i remember going in , she was in the middle of the room
and t here was white netting over her, you know, the kind that keep bugs out.  now,
i don't know if this actually happened or i dreamt it.  but, i can visualize still
today the room in the house, and this big thing in the middle of the small room and
grandma in it.  actually, i don't remember seeing grandma, just the room from the
front door. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...there were deaths in the family,of course, but, the one
that really hit me HARD,the first one that is, was my brother, he committed suicide
at the age of 24, a father of two little girls. took me over 4 years to get over
the fac t of his death, it took a devastating thing that the Lord used (i feel) to
wake me up.  Now, the HARDEST is the loss of my mom, five months ago, can't handle
that one,, the grief is very different and difficult than any other i have been
through.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the guilt, the confusion, numbness, disbelief, totally unorganized, crying,
pushing it out of your mind, can't concentrate, loosing my cool all the time.  one
minute, i am okay and the next i am totally out of it, yelling, feeling like they
need to b ring the white coats for me.  i was very, very close to my mom. never
handled anything like this before.  just trying to get through the day, want to
pull the covers over my head and make the world go away. forgetfulness, just can't
cope sometimes, don't want too. 

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     SALVATION...this culture needs to know more about this.  be ready for HEAVEN. 
death can happen anytime, no preparation at all. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when the LORD took my precious mom. HE was very gentile with her and us.  she
talked and was coherent right up to the last.  she didn't suffer alot and for that
i will always be grateful// also, my mom was saved one week to the day she passed
away / i have a lot to be grateful, even though i lost someone most dear to me. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     prayer, reading my bible and talking to my sister

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     even though we knew mom had cancer for year and a half, when she got sick ,
the doctors kept telling us they didn't know why she hurt and didn't feel
well...kept telling us it wasn't her cancer/ they were as surprised as we were when
we lost her th at tuesday morn at 8am. the hardest part is i believed the doctors
and reassured my mom on the last trip to hospital(of course, we didn't know that at
the time) not to worry,it wasn't her cancer.  she died one week, one day later. 
the guilt i have for ly ing to her.  and for not talking more about her illness. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     just be there/ they have a fear of being alone.  don't question it. make
arrangements for someone to be there at all times.  especially at night, that is
the worse for the dying.be willing to listen and try to answer their questions the
best you can .  they need reassure of your love for them at all times.  they need
to know they are not a burden, you are there and doing for them because you want
too, not because you have too. 

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     not sure how to answer this one, grief is still too fresh . 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     we didn't know death was so near. although,now,looking back, we can see the
signs, just didn't know or rather closed our minds to the fact we were going to
lose mom

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     that hasn't happened yet!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     regret, don't know about this one.  i wished i had checked the records more
closely,being poa, i had the right to do this, but, then if i had read the records,
what would i have done, would it have affected my last days with mom. i don't know. 
i wis hed i hadn't lied to her. even though, i spent many hours with her, i wished
i had been there during her last night. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     make and do things that made mom more comfortable. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     don't know that this had anything to do with the death process, but, on
mother's day, i received a card from a friend, telling me , she understood how i
felt and was there for me. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     not sure about this one

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     memories come to me out of the blue,things we did or talked about. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     not sure i would really change anything. if we were together again,which we
will be, we will be happy and my mom is finally skinny, which she always wished she
would be and not in pain anymore. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that my mom was taken and not someone older than her. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
      

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     am not sure i have accepted it yet. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: 
     it seems to me, when they know you are terminal, it is like you are not a
human being, mom was a large woman and the last few nights of her life, she was
made fun of, and treated very rudely by the nurses. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc: 
     we had a very short contact with hospice, but, what we did have was very
rewarding and comforting. i want to become a hospice volunteer because of our
involvement with them for mom.  they won't let me do this, until, mom is gone for
one year.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     vomfort, i know my mom is in Heaven.i was with her one week before when she
was saved. my prayer was answered.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     don;t know about this one, right now. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     mom didn't have any money. we had to pay for it. her funeral was very nice,
but, if we could have, it would have been more elaborate, although, actually, i
would not change anything in the way of her funeral. she would be proud of us.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     my six year old granddaughter drawing a picture to put in great-grandma;s
hand,her taking some pink flowers from some of the vases to put in the casket with
her. and, how, my granddaughter kept walking up to the casket, looking so sad and
lost, not w anting to lose great-grandma. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     my ignorance or not accepting,although, the signs were there.  others say they
saw, but, i did NOT and i am not a stupid person.  just loved my mom a lot. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the haunted look in the eyes. no interest in tv, if they watched a lot of
it.sleeping a lot, not eating or drinking. the feel of the skin. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     can't answer this one right now.  i can't think clear enough

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     mom never said anything of this kind. it was after the funeral, a letter was
given to me that mom had written nine months earlier and did not mail to me, in it
she said angels came to her and told her she was going to die soon, and it still
hurts me that she didn't talk to me about it.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     na

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     gee. if i had the answers to this one. maybe, i would be coping a little
better. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     tell her,now, i know why she was afraid to be alone.  why didn't she tell us
why she was afraid. did she know she was dying toward the last.  why didn't she
talk to me about it.  tell her i am sorry for lying to her. tell her i feel i
failed her most when she needed me,she put her life in my hands.  she always called
me to fix things for her. i couldn't fix this one. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     can't relate with this one right now, either. it is like i can;t really think
about some things. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i have thought of this.  but, i can't say i know the answer.my mind is still
too cloudy. my mom had her surgery two years ago october.  now, in a few weeks i am
facing the same type of surgery. alot to be thinking about

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     can't say that has happened yet. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     not as critical of others. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Mid-Life  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     talking to my sister about mom's death and my memories

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     a heartfelt thank you,especially, if it helps someone else.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     na

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Tue Aug 26 21:13:47 1997
M30 in Brawley, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  Browsed throught the Behavioral Science part of the Yahoo! search engine
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Prof/Studies: Sr. Geological Technician 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drug overdose;  Aged: 30.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     somewhat like the end of the day. I mean it has a beginning, a high point then
it starts to decend into night. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     didn't know what to do.  It seemed like the whole room was spinning. It hit me
like a runaway train. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... when a very close friend of the family passed away.
Just in the way my father told me in a matter of fact way just floored me.  I knew
my father was sad because it was one of his friends and wasn't really showing his
true emotions. I was confused though I wanted to cry but I didn't I felt that if I
did my father would consider me weak. My mother was the same way, hardly any
emotion when her sisters or even when her parents passed. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     once you get older in life. You sort of look forward to it, I think I mean you
go through this world and life and what it has to offer and you think there has to
be something better than this. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it's o.k. to mourn and weep.  How by doing this it won't lessen
everyone's perception of you.  By being less of a man by openly weeping. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     how the family in some cases becomes stronger.  People take responsibility and
take over for the deceased one. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     with my relationship with my wife. Over the years she showed me it was o.k. to
cry and "get it out".

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     all of the "what if" and "I should of" or "I could have". And then you realize
it's too late and that makes death real hard to get over. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I would see my friend's child around town.  I would think how could life do
this to a child. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say I love you or thank you.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     Experiences from two people whom I knew that died. None of these people knew
each other but they both tell me of how they dreamed right before they passed of
relatives or spouses who were calling them.  Maybe there is a connection

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     My wife has really helped come to grips with my dealings with it.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Upbringing 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 25 22:08:31 1997
Name: carol wommack   <CWomm34978-at-aol.com>
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Prof/Studies: housewife 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: grieving handbook 
	    Authors: 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband,  3-1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart desise;  Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     wrong, when people die so young.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was 14 when my dad died. 20 when my mom died. 36 when my husband died.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I was 14 when my dad died.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     no surport from his family.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     he taught me to value life, he was a good friend.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my surport group of Al=Anon friends 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the lost friendship.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     make your amends, and have no regrets. forgive past hurts. 

--[My Husband's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     have survived without him by my side. iy's hard bei9ng strong.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i did'nt get to say goodbye.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     remembering the good times, and all his great stories he told. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Spend just one more day with him, loving him one more time.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     not important to bring up the past.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I go places where we have together. i feel lost.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     we would learn different ways to have taken care of ourselves. more healthlyer.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     to lose him at a young age. i need him here to raise our kids.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     find another sole mate. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     wanted to fall apart. but could'nt, had to be stong for the children.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     he'll always be with me. in my heart. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     i wish i did'nt have to sell our business. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     his family was very mean to me.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     letting go.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     just being able yo say goodbye, a hug, a kiss. to put closer on our life.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     don't want to go their.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     learning how to say goodbye to all the places, events, and all your plans,
without being bitter. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I live just one day at a time. take it slow.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 
     denial 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it was ok. i did'nt cry. maybe i have put closuer to thus.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 25 15:59:25 1997
F26 in Little Rock, Arkansas =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder;  Aged: 23.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     inevitable. Our bodies cannot function forever and after a period of time, simply
shut down

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was avery small child, and therefore did not fully realize what was happening. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandfather died from a heart attack. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     my sense of loss and anger over what could have been. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not to be afraid. Death is not the enemy, but a natural progression of life. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself and the memories of my loved one. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the pain of loss.  

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that my friend had to die and the murderer is still alive.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die too. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     became extremely angry that someone so young and sweet could be taken.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     disatisfaction.  they did nothing for my friend. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 25 01:56:42 1997
F21 in Surrey, BC =Canada=
EMail: <jdonald-at-bc.sympatico.ca>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  one year ago.
Cause of Death: plane crash;  Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the loss of someone by many different ways..such as accidents, sickness, old
age...death means that we never will see that person again, they are gone...death is
something that we all cope with in different ways. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was devestated, I had never had to deal with death until I was 20 years old, which
was just last year. I went into shock when I first learned of this person's death, I
could'nt believe it at first.. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was my best friend from childhood, she died in a plane
crash...just over one year ago, she was only 21 years old.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     all the good memories that helped me through it..and my other best friend being
there with me and helping me get through it..  I never would have gotten through it
without her

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that death is inevitible and can happen to anyone..I always thought of death as
something that "would never happen to me"  simply because I had never had to deal with
it before, but it is something that everyone will eventually have to deal with

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     through my best best friends death, me and my other best friend have been brought
even closer together than before..there was always the 3 of us, and now all of a sudden
there was only 2 of us, so having to deal with this tragedy together has really bonded
us more strongly than ever...I guess if anything good came out of her death this would
be it. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my best friend being there for me through the whole thing. Anf also all my good
memories of the person who died..I try to always remember things we did together when
we were kids and laugh about it all..that helps me..and I also know that one day it
will be my turn and I will be reunited with her again

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the feeling of loss...knowing that I would never see this person again.  I had a
lot of anger and a lot of questions..and a lot of things I wished I could've said to
her before she died..and the very hardest thing for me was that I was the one that had
to inform our other best friend of the death..that was the hardest thing I have ever
had to do in my life

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     my friend was living up north about 15 hours drive from me at the time of her
death so we did'nt see each other very often.  She had written me a letter about a
month before she died, I am horrible at writing letters, so it took my a long time to
eventually write her back, it was always that I forgot to mail it, or I did'nt have
stamps or something like that...so one day I said to myself, okay, tomorrow I'm going
to buy stamps for sure..well, ironically "tomorrow" was the day she died..I never got
to send the letter...so I felt guilty that she may have thought that I did'nt care
about her anymore because I did'nt write her back.  I still have that letter and I'll
probably keep it forever as a reminder to myself to not put off things that are
important to you..

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that she died so young...she was only 21 years old..I find that to be so unfair,
she had her whole life ahead of her, and she was the happiest person I knew, it was'nt
fair that she was taken away like that

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how many people were there...over 300 people were at the funeral,so many people
loved her, and there was so many people that I had'nt seen in years.. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     about a week after my friends funeral, when I was feeling really guilty still
about not sending her the letter that I wrote her...I had a dream, in which she
appeared..in my dream she was still alive, but she was about to die any minute, in the
dream she called me up to her room and she told me it was okay and that she loved me
and she would always be my best friend, then she gave me a hug and died immedietly
after that...ever since that night I stopped feeling guilty..and I now know that she is
watching over me in everything that I do.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Keeping Busy 
     a lot of memories also helped

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 24 10:08:22 1997
M49 in  =Scotland=
Name: confused and sad   <ray.r-at-virgin.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Wife,  4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Motor Accident;  Aged: 40.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Death is akin to birth it is like a child comming from the womb into this world,
wheredeath is the passing from this life to another better life where the energy or
spirit, passes on to another plain and sterts again. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     hated it and still do even though my own death does not frighten me

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... when my grannie died I can't say I have much recollection
of this as my grandperents lived next door to us and were very close. 

Since then I have lost my nephew who was only 15 years old he died last year.

Most recently I lost my wife in a road accident on April 28th 1997
this has hurt me very much and at times I do not know what to do.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how much anger I have 

--What I think my (Scotland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it should be talked about more

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     they say my wife Ann felt NO PAIN.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     how my brothers kept others away from me in the forst few weeks. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that I was left alone even though I have a large family the lonliness of losing
your partner is akin to being cut in half and one half being discarded. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     express my feeling more and 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the feeling of someone being at my side all the time people have felt the cold air
at my side even within the Dr surgery were there are no drafts to make it cold the
doctor felt the dofference in room temprature beside me. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     I've been told that time will heal this felinf of being cut in half but can not
imagine life without Ann my Wife. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 24 09:15:29 1997
F36 in New York, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Alta Vista, looking for Marlene Maheu references
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Prof/Studies: artist 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 12 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the irretrievable loss of the physical person on this earth of another being. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was surprised that such a thing could occur. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... 

my uncle Charlie died. I was 6. He was a fun guy and I liked him very much, but I don't
remember being very sad. I knew he was sick and my mother had been telling me that he
was going to die, so I guess it didn't come as a surprise. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     feeling completely and utterly alone in the world/

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to stop being so secretive and shameful when discussing it.  We need to get
feelings about death out in the open.  People shouldn't be embarrassed to talk about
their grief. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I've learned to be independent, and learned (slowly) how my mother's life prepared
me for this. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my cousin, whom I hadn't seen in years, who stepped in and helped me get through
the transition to a life without my mother (I was 23, and have no close family, so it
really was a transition to a life on my own for the first time) after having been very
sheltered until that time. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     figuring out how to grieve and also go on with my life, work, etc. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     talk to them, even if they don't seem to hear you. 

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     continued living afterwards, because I never would have imagined that I could go
on without having her in the world. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     my mother stopped being able to respond to me, and seemed to be ignoring my
presence. A social worker explained that sometimes people who are dying enter phases
where they have to concentrate completely on themselves, to try to make sense of what
is happening. This knowledge gave me comfort. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I feel no regrets, and it kep me sane. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     go through therapy BEFORE my mopther dies, so I could have had greater insight
into our relationship while she was still alive. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have time with my mother in the hospital while she was sleeping, when I looked at
her face and came to terms with the fact that she would be leaving my life, and that I
could go on afterwards.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     people I didn't know well came to her funeral. I was grateful
and comforted. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I have dreams about her, and then wake up and realize she
isn't here and will never be.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     In all honesty, and it pains me to say this, I think my life would have been very
screwed up had she lived. I would have had no incentive to move away from home. I
wouldn't have learned how to be independent, because she wouldn't have let me. I hope
that some event would have occurred that would have made me leave home, but it's hard
for me to imagine what this might have been. That alternate reality is just too hard
for me to imagine in more detail.  I would have been a completely different person,
because in many ways her death made me into the person I am today. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     ...that my mother had to die without having more fun in her life."

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     go back to being a child. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     spent all my energy just trying to get through the mundane activities of life,
understanding that I had to keep on living and that eventually I'd feel like the world
was a place I could understand once agian. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     indifference. They were not very helpful. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     I was in shock about how much it costs to die. Fortunately, we had the money; if
that hadn't been the case, I would have been in deep trouble and can't even begin to
imagine what would have happened.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     everyone was very helpful and supportive and I felt loved and among friends. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     feeling like I wanted her to die so that I could move into a new apartment and
decorate it myself. I hated myself for thinking this. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     a calmness and detachment from the rest of the world.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     when I finally began to understand what was inevitable, I stopped panicking. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     Not necessarily unresolved issues, but new insights, thatns to therapy. I really
wish she was around so that we could have an adult relationship and discuss these
things. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would want to ask her why she worked so hard, trusted so few, and was always so
afraid. I would express regret that her life had been so difficult, and explain to her
that I've been living my life this way as well, still trying to please her and make her
life easier even though she's no longer here--and even though I don't have to be living
my life this way. It's all I've known and has become habit. I would want to hear her
say that it was alright to stop working so hard, and that I had no reason to feel
guilty all the time. I think if I heard her say that, I'd be able to exhale deeply and
go on with life in very different way. In reality, all I can do is imagine her saying
that, and try to believe it and react accordingly...but, of course, it's harder to do
so, as I'm relying on my own imagination here and don't entirely trust it. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: 
     To give them whatever they want at this time.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Yes. I'm afraid to think more of it.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Cleaning out my mother's closet and saving a few of her sweaters (they still had
scraps of her hair on them, and smelled of her makeup). It was like saying "she's gone,
and there's no need for me to keep her stuff...but she's still here in some other sort
of way." 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was difficult to answer, but good to reflect upon these issues and kind of
summarize them in one place. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Aug 23 21:27:14 1997
F18 in newark, ohio =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: biology 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 4 months  ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure;  Aged: 8 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     didn't really care

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     i was at a truck stop on my way to washington d.c. with a group of friends.  my
dog was at the vet's and i had been calling to check up on her.  this time when i
called the receptionist told me to hold on and she put the vet on the phone.  he told
me that my dog had died that morning, my 18th birthday.  i gave him my father's work
phone number and i hung up the phone.  i looked at one of my friends, who had
accompanied me to the phone just in case.  i collapsed into her arms and cried for half
and hour.  it wasn't good.  i still cry about it sometimes.  i don't really know how
the death affected anyone else, because it was a week before i got back from the trip,
and we had all sort of dealt with it already. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     losing them  

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     have my dog euthanized before i left on the trip.  i was going to have it done
when i returned, but the severity of her condition was not known.  i hate the fact that
i let her suffer and i wasn't there when she died.  i know it's selfish, but i had
always thought that if something like that was going to happen to my dog that i would
be there when she died.  i would have her euthanized.  i would hold her while it was
done.  i would be there for her.  i would be the last thing she felt, heard, and sme
lled as she slipped into unconciousness.  and i wasn't.  and i feel horrible. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     see her the day before she died.  i skipped school to go visit her, because the
vet's office was closing early.  i left her the shirt i had been wearing so she would
at least have a comforting scent with her. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i knew that she knew it was over.  she wouldn't look at me when i started crying
the day before she died. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i accidentally call one of my other dog's her name.  

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     i don't believe in religion. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     i don't believe in spirituality 

--Regarding MONEY:
     to have my dog creamated and keep the ashes my parents had to shell out $90.00
plus the vet's bill for having her there for four days.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Aug 23 08:28:35 1997
M41 in Somerset, PA =U.S.=
Name: John Kuna   <kke-at-shol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Computer Consultant 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 26 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: unknown;  Aged: 60.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of this exsistance, in this real physical world.  Some people believe that
we go to another place, better {heavan} or worst {hell} depending upon our actions
here.  Others believe that we just cease to exsist, period.  I tend to believe that
there is something in between these, but what I am not sure. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was saddend when I saw my father cry.  I believe I was too young at the time to
fully understand what was going on. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     Grandmother

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how short of a time we do have here.  A old friend killed himself and we all
though was very selfish of him. 

--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that is part of life. No one gets out this alive!  Too much is put on what we have
or can get and not what we leave behind.  People need to care more for others and what
is happening to them. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Myself and my belief.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     They are no longer here.
I can say things I wanted to, do things I wanted to, help them in some way.

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     will never commit sucide.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the ritual of the funeral.
I want a WAKE! I want to be remembered as being alive not dead.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 22 14:34:08 1997
F36 in MINNEAPOLIS, MN =USA=
Name: HEIDI PETERSON  
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: SOCIAL WORK 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: on death and dying 
	    Authors: 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet,  3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: i put her to sleep, old age;  Aged: 14.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of our life in our bodies here on earth.  our souls, go on to a far better
place for eternity. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was very sad and wished i had been allowed to say good bye to my Grandpa

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my Grandpa died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how profoundly sad i and the rest of my family felt and how long it has taken to
deal with that sadness

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is not something to be feared

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     all suffering was over.  No more pain! 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my friends letting cry whenever and wherever i needed to

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     guilt.  i was the one who decided to put my dog to sleep but i had my brother do
it for me.  it was as hard on him as it was on me.  i didn't realize how much guilt he
felt for being the one to do it.  i at first was greatful to him but he has never
forgotten doing it and i in turn has developed a huge amount of guilt for not being
able to help her.  I also feel very bad about playing god with her life.  i just
couldn't stand her suffering and in pain and knew i had to help her. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     BE THERE!!!  NO ONE SHOULD EVER DIE ALONE. (PERSON OR PET) 

--[My friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     MUCH I LOVED HER AND ONLY WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN HELPING HER

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION TO PUT MY DOG TO SLEEP

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     TAKE HER FOR ONE MORE LONG WALK AROUND ALL THE LAKES

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     THE VET CRIED RIGHT ALONG WITH MY BROTHER AND SADIE PUT BOTH HER PAWS ON MY
BOTHERS HANDS AND GAVE HIM A KISS GOOD BYE

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: 
     I LOOK AT PICTURES OF HER.  (I AM CRYING RIGHT NOW)

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I WOULDN'T HAVE THE 2 DOGS I HAVE RIGHT NOW.  SADIE WOULD BE AROUNDTO PLAY WITH
AND TAKE ROLLARBLADING

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     THAT SHE HAD TO GET SICK IN THE FIRST PLACE.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     GIVE HER ONE MORE HUG 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     CRIED FOR MANY DAYS

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     IF YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY, YOU AND YOUR PET ARE SHIT OUT OF LUCK 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     A GREAT DEAL.  nOT THAT THEY DID ANYTHING PERSONALLY FOR MY AT THAT TIME BUT I DID
HAVE THAT TO FALL BACK ON AND I DO BELIEVE SHE IS IN HEAVEN WAITING FOR METO GET THERE

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     JOYFUL 

--Regarding MONEY:
     IF YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT FO MONEY, YOU AND YOUR PET ARE S.O.L. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     THERE WAS NONE

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     HOW OFTEN I STILL SEE HER JUST AROUND THE CORNER OR AT THE FAR END OF THE BLOCK

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     BREATHING CHANGE

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I KNOW SHE WAS WELCOMED WITH OPEN AND LOVING ARMS

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I KNOW SHE KNEW HOW MUCH SHE MEANT TO ME AND ALL THE REST OF MY
FAMILY

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I DIDN'T WANT ANY MACHINES, I WANTED MY FAMILY TO BE ABLE TO PULL THE
PLUG WHEN IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.  NO HEROICS.  I ALSO WANT TO BE
CREMATED AND HAVE MY ASHES PUT OVER MY GRANDPARENTS FARM.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I WAS TOLD THIS VERY FACT 4 YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH A
TERMINAL HEART DISEASE IN WHICH I HAVE SEEN 7 COUSINS DIE FROM THIS AND
ONE JUST HAD A HEART TRANSPLANT.  I WAS MAD AT FIRST THEN GOT THIS IN
ORDER AND TRIED TO HELP OTHERS DEAL WITH T HIS FACT.  HOWEVER, THIS YEAR
MY DOCTOR SAID EVERYTHING IS BACK TO NORMAL AND THAT I IN FACT DO NOT HAVE
THIS HEART DISEASE AFTER ALL.  THAT WAS ALMOST AS HARD AS GETTING THE
DIANOSIS. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I GOT A NEW DOG.  I ALSO HAD SADIE PICTURE PROFESSIONAL DRAWN AND
HAVE IT HANGING IN MY FAMILY ROOM

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     VERY INTERSTING.  I DIDN'T THINK I WAS STILL SO EMOTIONALLY WRECKED ABOUT MY DOGS
DEATH

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 22 12:40:34 1997
F26 in Saco, ME =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
  surfing the web out of boredom at work
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: The American Way of Death 
	    Authors: Jessica Mitterand
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: everything you can imagine;  Aged: 90.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of clinical life (breathing, heart beat, brain activity).  The end of our
living physical existance on this earth. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     cried.  I missed the company of that person.  I missed the thought of never seeing
that person again. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My great aunt Florence and paternal grandfather passed away
in the same year.  I was quite close to my aunt.  She spent much time in the hospital
before finally succumbing to an inoperatable brain tumor.  I never saw her when sh e
was sick.  I made her a get well card that never got to her in time.  I think I was 7
years old at the time. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     How is my dad doing?  I hope everyone realizes it is okay to feel relieved that
she has passed on. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     THe funeral process.  Financial planning and the freedom to choose exactly how to
dispose of our remains.  The funeral industry has made a mockery of death by creating
it into an ostentatious "show" for all to see.  The English way of dealing with de ath
seems much more logical and less morbid. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I wouldn't say that Death has no gifts.  What occurs after death is unknown- even
to those with a strong religious belief system.  Death can sometimes be an end of
horrible suffering for both the dying person and the family that loves that person. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     After the funeral, the gathering of family and friends to share vivid MEMORIES of
the deceased person.  Although the person is physically not living, that person can
always live on in our minds via memories. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Seeing the look of loss, sorrow, and pain in the eyes of my father and not having
the ability nor means to alleviate the pain.  Death is a process we must all experience
and move through at our own pace. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     The rest of us (the ones remaining) will be alright.  We will take care of each
other.  It's okay for the dying person to leave and seek whatever may be out there. 
Expressing that we love the person and will continue the special traditions (ie famil y
reunions, being there for each other) that the dying person would do if they were
living.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Laughter is a wonderful way to heal.  Sharing a peculiar finding at the moment or
recalling a hysterical memory is a helpful way to heal and lessen the darkness of the
moment.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Learn to speak the language my grandmother spoke.  She died when I was 24 and I
never had a direct meaningful conversation with her.  My parents never insisted upon us
learning the language.  I wish that they had.  It would have hurt more when she di ed,
but I would have stronger memories of her to keep with me now. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be there towards "the end" with my dying grandmother and the rest of our family. 
We were able to help each other deal with the impending loss. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     The nursing home that my grandmother was in - normally was horrible in treating
the patients and not friendly to visitors.  While on her deathbed, the staff was
extremely sensitive to my family and brought us food and coffee to allow us to stay
with her a little longer.  That meant a lot. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     The whole "wake" thing.  Displaying a dead body to look better than it ever has is
morbid and disgusting.  A closed coffin would suffice and less emphasis by the funeral
director to put on a good performance.  At my grandmother's funeral, there was a
collage of photographs from over the years people had brought in of her.  THIS was a
wonderful way for me to bring closure to her life.  I didn't need to see her body all
dolled up.  It hid the incredible amount of suffering and paon she had endured over the
past several years.  I was RELIEVED that she had finally past on- she would not suffer
any more- and my family would not have to helplessly WATCH her suffer any more. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Life is not fair either.  We must deal with the deck of cards we are given. 
Everything happens for a reason and in the end, it all works out for the best (because
that is the only way it can work out). 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     There can not be enough said about the desire and will to live.  My grandmother
was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and lived 14 years afterwards.  She also had colon
cancer, diabetes, and I don't know what else.  Yet, she had this INCREDIBLE desire to
live. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Organized Religion to me is often a masked evil. However, I also feel that many
people are comforted by with the thought of an afterlife in the kingdom of God.  It
gives people something to look forward to instead of fear.  However, it also fosters an
environment where we do not make the most out of the days we are here- such a shame and
a waste. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I admire Native American beliefs.  The thought of being buried in a simple
decomposable box where I will eventually nourish the earth that once provided life for
me to exist is a beautiful concept.  It is a concept that says, "that which gives life,
never dies".  It is difficult to practice such a concept in America today due to the
politics involved with funeral directors/religious leaders who only profit from
extravagant funerals.

--Regarding MONEY:
     Money should not be an issue, but we as a society have made "showing off" in death
an unfortunate priority. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     It is a business which profits from the loss/pain of others.  It has imposed rules
and regulations where there should not be.  It takes advantage of hurting people. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Delirium.  My grandmother was talking to deceased children, her husband, and
siblings.  A wave of calm came over her face when this would happen.  She didn't die
quickly.  It was difficult to see her slip more and more away; her coloring, the glow
in her eyes, her smile.  Her body was the first to waste away.  She was skin and bones
towards the end, but it was those little things that hinted the end was not far around
the corner. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Try to pull at least one positive thing from the death experience.  It is there
somewhere, it may be a matter of looking at the situation from various angles. 
Remember that memories live forever, so the person will never be completely gone unless
you forget them.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     see above. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would like to get to know my grandmother as a person.  What her life was like,
her life experiences, her attitudes on a variety of topics. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Obviously, while my grandmother was dying and receiving her last rites was not the
time or place for me to bring up my issues about Christianity and Catholicism.  The
beliefs and wishes of the dying person are top priority and it is important for me to
play along with their wants and desires if possible. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'd have to make the most of it.  Share important things with people I loved.  Let
people know I loved them.  Prepare to pass on memories for others to share about me.  I
would comfort myself with the belief that my mind would live on and a new world of
possibilities would open for me- but that would just be to make myself feel better.  If
I die and that's it, then that's it.  No big deal.  I'd want to make sure that my
remains are taken care of the way I want them taken care of- no fancy stuff done to it. 
Donate my organs if possible to allow others to live.  Nourish the earth with the rest. 
Then I live on... 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I visited the ocean alone.  And "spoke" to my grandmother.  I believed that she
would hear me and that death somehow transcended all language barriers.  I spoke with
her for a while.  Reflected upon myself.  Listened to the sound of the ocean- the be d
of all life.  Then I went home. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     Parent's simplistic means of explaining death.  Introduction to the concept of
heaven/afterlife. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Upbringing 
     Death is not something the family discusses for debate or question.  It's just
there.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I think we need to discuss death more openly in our society.  If we don't, that's
how we get taken advantage of by all the funeral and religious people.  Death is a part
of everyone's life and we must all learn to deal with it in such a manner. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 22 01:24:54 1997
F23 in   =Denmark=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  love to talk about myself
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: sickness;  Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of life on earth in this body

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     thought it was my fault

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was my grandmother died,(she lived at home with us)

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     it was the most awful chistmas ever

--What I think my (Denmark) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     gone but not forgotten and not lost

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     i started believeing in life after death

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     she was very young and my cousin lost his mother  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     see you... 

--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     believe i'll meet her again

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     family, and neighbours reaction

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say i love you and miss you

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     see my cousin alive  

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i had a dream about live after death 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     it would be more fun to have them around again!

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that this has happend to her and her/my family

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     dissapear 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried for hours

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     nothing 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     great, magically and natural 

--Regarding MONEY:
     none 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the people who cried

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     happy for the dead

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     dreamt about them 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     out of body experience - wonderful!! 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     imaginenation

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Aug 21 21:30:36 1997
F21 in Texas  =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  alta vista searching +macabre +grotesque
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Prof/Studies: Anthropology 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother,  16yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;  Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     sleep--forever

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     don't remeber what i did

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... older brother about when i was five

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     recoiling from the body of something in such a different state than I

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it shouldn't be anything so scary--that the only reason is that we live in
such a consumer culture and the dead do not factor in because we can not make money off
them after they are buried. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     can't really remeber, i was too young for it to really effect me

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 20 22:33:58 1997
M53 in campbell, new york =usa=
Name: don shaffer   <don4788-at-clarityconnect.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  just surfing around
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Prof/Studies: retired due to disabilites 
More personal info: 
     remember death is part of living. 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 17 ago.
Cause of Death: ill health;  Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     it is like shedding a coat. but a very private affair.most people
whom i knew that died. died while alone. like right after someone leaves,
or sometime during a period when they are left alone. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     I was 15 days old, and my father died. what can I say. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was I was 15 days old when my father was killed in a
train/car accident, back in 1943. I have always felt I was cheated out of
a goodly portion of my childhood. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     My mother will no longer be there for me, but also she was no longer
suffering. 

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to accept it as just part of living

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it tended to bring my family a little closer, for a short period of
time. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Myself, I have learned to accept death as a natural extension of
life.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The fact that they no longer existed except in my thoughts. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Ask them if they want you there with them. Remember dying is a very
private part of living.

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     made the funeral arrangements, without the help of my siblings.I did
what I thought my mother wanted and to hell with the rest of the family.
Nobody was happy with the arrangements,but nobody wanted to help with them
either. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I don't think I was confused about anything. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     laughing is another release for tension, and grief. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say good bye to my father, as I had my mother. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     accept death for what it really is. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my mother asked us to leave her room for a few minutes. when we
returned she had died.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     how can we help my mother get well. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     when I visted my parents gravesite. I talk with them, and I cry with
them. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't allow myself to think along these lines. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Maybe I'm weird but I felt the best thing happened for my mother,
when she died. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     see above

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     seen my mother's body in the casket. I thought that she was better
off than I was because she had stopped suffering, but I had more suffering
because of her death. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     relief. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing to me personally, but may have helped my siblings. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like freedom 

--Regarding MONEY:
     it was hard to pay the expenese but after all it was my mother. and
nothing was to good for her.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Everyone was so sorry about our loss. But we haven't seen to many of
them since the funeral. I feel most came to see who else would be there. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     death is just another part of living. However when someone is taken
to swiftly, such as a auto crash,or murder. It would seem unfair to the
living.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     The only experience I had along these lines was when my mother-in-law
died in 1967. When I entered her hospital room for the last time, She
looked at me and asked if I was the man who came to get her, and take her
home.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     A few years back,I took an overdose of pills. I was declared dead.
But I started to breath and they brought me back. The only thing I felt
was peace. I somehow knew I had to live for my wife and children. I really
did not want to leave the peace that I was feeling. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Make sure everyone knows I'm dying, and please don't interfer
with the process.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would embrace death as a welcome friend. I would put my affairs in
order and I would make sure I told everyone who mattered in my life,to go
on living.because I will be dead.  I also would ask to be left alone when
the time came. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Just my personal belief that dying is no big thing. Except to the
living. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     death is a very private affair, which no one should interfers

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Passage of Time 
      
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I figure I was just giving my opinions. That maybe they will help
someone,sometime to cope with the loss of a loved one. 

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Mon Aug 18 23:04:24 1997
F45 in jacksonville, florida =usa=
Name: jan council   <jancoun-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: LCSW 
More personal info: 
     post my e-mail address 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: kubler ross books 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes and depression;  Aged: 61.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     moving from this life form to a new, unknown life form

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was young and not very involved.  my memory is more about the new
experiences i had rather than related to the loss and grief. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... death of maternal grandfather unknown to me at
age 5.  saw him in casket, remember he looked old and spooky

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     glad and in awe of the new spiritual awareness i gained and the peace
it brought.  i was not initially grief stricken, took some time to get
there.  my chdn felt abandoned and sad.  my husband revisited the loss of
his mother and became maladaptive. 
 myfather seemed relieved.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: 
     acceptance of natural progression and more open feelings

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: 
     a strong sense of connectedness to my own sense of development as
life on a continuum, an acceptance of my mortality, and a sense of peace

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: 
     discussions about my feelings and shared experiences with others.  a
sense of univerality as to the rythm of life and death.  helping me find
perspective and now looing back on the gifts of insight and awareness i
personally gained

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not having shared more of myself and learning more about the person i
lost

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     calm and peaceful, encouraging expression of feelings and talking or
listening with my heart not my mind

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     resolved her loss and accepted her passing as an end to this life and
moving on to the next.  feeling her look down at me and being amused at my
episodes of momentary craziness knowing that she now has to gift of seeing
things in the "big picture" 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     buying clothes for the funeral and being present for the viewing

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     people laugh when they are stressed and my mom would have understood. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be closer to her as two people rather than mother-daughter

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     feel so peaceful, accepting, and understanding that things happened
the way she wanted

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the people who acknowledged her passing through cards and flowers and
their presence. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     her tombstone

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     life events such as graduation of my chdn occur and that i wish she
were here to celerate with me

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i would be more constricted in my life choices

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that she died and my father lives.  she would have handled his
passing and her aging better than he is coping. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     spoke with friends about how much my mom meant to me and worked
through regrets i had about not knowing her better as an individual. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     interference and unrealistic involvement 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     better than the predicted afterlife.  i think there is more than what
i was taught.  i wish i had more info about other philosphies. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     my husband handled wverything giving him a sense of distance from the
emotions we were having.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     family and friends coming together to laugh, reconnect and mourn

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     a sense of calm and peace, a settling of final business and focusing
onthe most important issues of one's life. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i know that my mom had helping people with her to plan to final
stage.  it was what she did best for us at the end.  i am glad and pleased
that my mom had these people with her so she was not afraid and unable to
attend to the details of her passing

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would be direct and frank in telling my mom how much i liked her as
a person and i think that she would have liked the chance to voice her
feelings about how we turned out. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     to be respectful of who i was and am and to allow me dignity and to
remember my life force, to value that force and let me go. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i have done a good job with my life and i'm ok with moving on but not
quite yet as there are some things i still look forward to with my kids

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? 
     i am more accepting of all people and less judgemental.  i am able to
find a sense of peace in knwoing that there is more than just today

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     ok, it helped me remember how clear i am on the subject

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Mon Aug 18 02:52:46 1997
F16 in High River, Alberta =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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--Death Is: 
     Leaving your body to allow a release of energy stored inside of it
and a journey into unknown territory

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     wasn't really bothered at all

--That first time, how it happened was
     My great grandmother died peacefully in her sleep

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     anger and very much pain and confusion (because it was a suicide

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it can be positive

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     world war two

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     support from friends...their understanding and ability to relate to
my feelings

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     guilt  

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     when people are in intense pain that they are unable to deal with
they sometimes release the stress by laughing

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     screamed and hit someone

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     Meditation

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 17 20:23:41 1997
F22 in , Ontario =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: For children:  A taste of Blackberries 
	    Authors: 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend,  this year.
Cause of Death: stroke;  Aged: 70+.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The body stops working, it is burried or burned.  The soul is sent to
god. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was calm and thoughtfull of others

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My great-granmother died at the age of 94.  I
was 16 at the time.  We went to the funeral services to pay our respects.
I knew her well.  My mother and I often visited her in her nursing
home...she told me in private once that she was ready to die. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The way people only remember the good things or only the bad
things...never both

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     My inheiratance

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     memories 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the pain of others  

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell her i loved her one more time

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     speak at the funeral without crying 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the casket

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     thanks 

--Regarding MONEY:
     the funeral services cost to much 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    People's Stories, etc. 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 

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Sun Aug 17 15:02:23 1997
M40 in Houston, TX =USA=
Name: ol joe   <joeldmn-at-bigfoot.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  just surfed in
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Prof/Studies: technical 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  29 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: ;  Aged: 35.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     morbid and difficult.  

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     handled it well.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...   parent.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     nothing.

--What I think my (texas) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to cope with it.  how to learn from it.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     faith.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     faith and myself. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     sense of loss and the void it makes.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     be there! 

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     faith and myself.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     first learning that someone died.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it's okay to laugh.  its good for the soul. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ...to have moved on sooner.  too much grieving.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     mature. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     pick up the pieces and move on. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     culture.  do this, do that.  ...after all, you have to.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I'm caught up in the rat race.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     unknown.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     ...life is not fair.  one of the truer statements.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     laugh. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     ...continued on.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     unknown.  medical records were destroyed. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     unknown. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     traditional religion. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     ...like a crock. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     not enough. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     typical american culture.  grieving, grieving and more grieving.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     leaving.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     be closer as a family.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     unknown. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     a crock. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     a crock. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     none.  unknown.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     too young.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     take care of your personal affairs.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i'd like to  just go to sleep and not wake up.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     maturity, continuous thinking, ridding myself of several turds in the
family, leading my own life. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     be positive.  think positive.  its the key to reasoning. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     maturity

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
     too much of it.   

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it didn't.  however, a good questionaire.  enjoyable.

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Sat Aug 16 21:42:48 1997
F52 in DES MOINES, IOWA =USA=
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
  just browsing the net...new at this
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Prof/Studies: INSURANCE 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: why bad things happen to good people 
	    Authors: 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband,  2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of our story here on earth, but, if we are believers in
heaven, then we hope we will be reunited with our loved ones

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     did not really know how to handle it, since it was my unborn child
people were hesitant to even let me talk about it, I was not allowed to
even see the baby after delivery

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my first child was stillborn

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     that my husband was liked and loved by so many, he was the most
gentle man I have ever known, we had only been married a short time,
meeting each other rather late in life, but I know he gave so much to
anyone who knew him so his life was truly a ble ssing

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     allowing those of us who have lost someone we loved very much the
opportunity to grieve and to talk about the person who meant so much for
us...It's a big deal when Elvis died, or a Kennedy, or Marilyn Monroe but
people have a problem when I talk abo ut my husband who died only two
years ago...incidentally he died exactly two weeks after the Oklahoma City
bombing. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I was afraid of death, to the point that I would wake in the middle
of the night and go through a panic attack just thinking about death,
after seeing my husband die and wanting to be with him I no longer fear
death, he showed me how to die and I wil l be happy to someday join him. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my son and a couple of friends, plus the knowledge of how much my
husband loved me and how much joy he brought to my life and how empty it
would have been had I never met him. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing how much I would miss him when he was gone and knowing that
he did not want to live in the condition the cancer had brought him to, it
was a struggle to accept that he would die and that he needed to die to be
better but needing him to stay w ith me. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I don't know if it helped but I had brought our comforter from home
(he died in the hospital) and had a radio playing because he loved music,
he especially liked Karen Carpenter and one of her songs was playing when
he died...I kept telling him how m uch I loved him even though I was not
sure at the end if he heard me.

--[My Husband's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     have survived, not that I couldn't, I had lived alone a long time
before I met him, but that I didn't want to live without him...I do little
things to remember him; planted a tree because he was a master gardener,
take care of the irises he planted, read his books, listen to his records
and tell him how much I miss him. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I knew he was going to die very soon, I didn't want him to suffer and
even though he was not in pain he was weithering away, but I did not want
him to go because I knew how lost I would be without him because I had
grown accustomed to being married t o him and didn't want that joy to end. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I don't recall laughing...I talked about happy times with my husband
but I don't recall laughing.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk with my husband more at the end, he was unable to talk, or so
you could understand and I wish I had written down so many of the things
he told me about himself. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     cope. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I brought the items from home, I was never sure if they were for my
husband or for me (the comforter and radio). 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     My husband donated his body to the medical college here as a medical
cadaver, I've done the same, this bothered several people who felt there
should be a grave...when my husband was cremated the college gave me the
ashes and I have them at home in a cedar chest...we did plant a tree which
I felt was more fitting for a master gardener. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I'm alone...when songs come on the radio which remind me of our
love...sometimes I just go with the flow and cry...I know the pain will
never end but it will get better in time, it won't go away completely but
he is worth grieving for and I'll always
 miss him.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... 
     We would be living our normal life, what for us was normal, we would
be working and enjoying being together...we always enjoyed each others
company better than anyone elses, always found things to talk about.  We
would probably make plans to travel t o gardens and then make plans to
travel to Germany again. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that someone who was so kind and always did whatever he could to make
people feel better or better yet to make sure they didn't feel badly at
all, should die. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     be with him. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     went through some of what I call the "crazies", buying things like
quite a few picture frames and getting pictures enlarged to put in them
(of my husband) to put all over the walls, but, I have never put them all
up...There are other things too numer ous to mention. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I don't blame the medical community for my husband's death but it
could have been handled differently...I think sometimes they concentrate
on trying to keep someone alive at all costs and don't think about the
fact that some people will just die and we must let them.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     not good.  There was not room for my husband at a Hospice house. we
considered taking him home but there was so much that had to be done and I
knew my husband did not want me to have to do all the nursing, I just
needed to be there loving him til the end.  The only good thing from
Hospice has been a volunteer who has called, up until recently, and talked
for a little bit.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: 
     my husband and I did not go to church but we were very spiritual
people and I never worried about my husband's soul because I knew his
belief and I knew he was a good man.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like my husband is watching over me.  I include him in my life which
is typical of other cultures other than "typical Western" thinking. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     it was not a problem. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     we had a memorial...much better the way we did it I feel.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the typical signs of death that all physicians and nurses recognize,
they point it out at the time...but when you love someone you know when
they are ready to go and when they've had enough...my husband said the
hardest part of dying was watching tho se you love watch you die. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I had my "crazy" stage...I felt I was entitled...but I did not want
to hurt those around me so you have to be aware of other's feelings...but
be gentle to yourself at the same time.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I don't have any special wishes...I will be a medical cadaver too and
my son plans to someday put my ashes with my husbands...perhaps under that
tree. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would miss my family and friends and I know they would miss me but
I would look forward to being with my husband again and my family and
friends know that. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     my alone time with my memories, surrounded by my husband's
belongings. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I tend to "act" like my husband...I've picked up some of his habits
and gestures, and I try to remember his patient ways and his understanding
and gentle manner...I try to be more like him because he was my hero. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  People's Stories, etc. 
      
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     ok

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     You might want to include questions for those who suffer a sudden
loss...it must be more difficult...and questions about alternatives to
funerals and burials...you might ask a question for those who are or were
afraid of death like me. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 13 22:30:09 1997
F40 in Pembroke, Ontario =Canada=
Name: <green -at- nrtco.net>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
  my husband
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Prof/Studies: homemaker 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother,  yrs20 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 23.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     yelled

--That first time, how it happened was
     hearr failure- fatherHow it happened was... 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     confused

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     God

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my husbandmy

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my husband 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     loneliness and sadness  

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     he was wakedfe

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was a relief 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to my brother

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     deal with itit was 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     how I looked

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see his children

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     we would be good friendshave him back

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     to loose so many of my family

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     have him backa lot 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt alone

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a lot 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     his two wee children

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     depression

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Why did you kill yourself

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     terrified

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I believe I became a stronger person mentally

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It got me thinking about my brother and reminded me how deeply i
loved him and miss himI lost

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     A question about multiple deaths should be brought forth, as my
father, mother, and brother died all within a four year span. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 13 19:48:59 1997
F38 in Philadelphia, PA =USA=
Name: June
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Prof/Studies: R.N. 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Death and dying  
	    Authors: Keibler Ross
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend,  2 months ago.
Cause of Death: Aids/PML;  Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a time of sorrow because we miss the departed person,and a time of
spiritual growth which brings us closer to our higher power

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     I was frightened, however he visited me in spirit and then I knew
everything would be alright

--That first time, how it happened was
     I was a young pre-schooler my grand father died and I stayed with my
grand mother after his death for a brief time

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     How close it bought our family together, how we all got to know each
other more deeply

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     people have a right to die with dignity, people and their families
should be able to determine when the quality of their life is or isn't
worth living for. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The suffering is over and I was able to make a difference in the
quality and level of comfort in my friends death

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I was the one who gave the support and provided the care for my
friend I was greatly relieved when hospice took over allowing me to care
about, be caring rather than taking care of

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Watching the suffering, seeing my friend become paranoid uncertain if
we were causing his deteration with medication

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     comfort love touch and saying it's ok to let go. 

--[My friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was able to hold my friend in my lap sponge his sweat from his body
and comfort him until he took his last breath

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     We were medicating him for pain and it was slowing his respirations
he was close to death but not ready to die, he told me so...I backed off
on the morphine

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     N.A. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Help him write that letter to his parents, he was blind and quickly
lost the ability to speak I knew he wanted to write them a letter but he
couldn't find the words and before long couldn't say the words

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Make a difference in his last weeks of life, we walked, he needed
assistance, we swam he did pretty well and could see underwater, we played
games and laughed alot.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     Trust.. I was always honest with my friend so he new he could trust
me never lie about anything if asked answer truthfully

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Hospital beds durable medical equiptment nurses wanted us to have it
all we wanted, my friend wanted what was normal.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about all the pain and suffering the family has been through

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     N.A. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     He was such a good person

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     turn back time

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     still feel sadden, but the memories of how we spent the last few
weeks of his life bring me joy

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     definate compassion, but lack of awareness about research

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     relief and surprised that they didn't utilize pain relief more even
in the last few hours when breating was a tremendous effort

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     little

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     closeness and faith in a higher power that all will be better

--Regarding MONEY:
     I was very unhappy disappointed int he monitary issues that came
up..there was no need to worry about money, and future money was an even
bigger issue

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it is morbid every one standing around looking at a dead body saying
it doesn't look anything like him

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Once he died I didn't want to be around the body

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     what the person says listen the are often hidden messages

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     There is a time to take care of your loved one and a time to set that
responsibility aside and just be caring to them...it's really hard to do
both

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     N.A. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?: 
     N.A.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Just that we made the right decisions

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     living will, family discussions regarding what quality of life is for
each member,

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'm not frightened about dying it's the process thats scarey will it
be the way my friends was that would be perfect...would it be a strugle
all the way that wouldn't be so nice

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Talk with the people close to you those involved and those
uninvolved....try not to be judgemental everyone copes differantly

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     N.a

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 
      
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     made me feel like my feelings must be pretty typical cause you asked
all the right questions

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 12 23:00:50 1997
F20 in Toowoomba, Queensland =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo psychological experiment index
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when the human body is no longer functioning 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was when my grandfather had a heart attack while I
was staying with him at his house.  I was the only one with him. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how I wished I could have seen it coming.  I believe I may have been
able to save him, and if not, at least appreciated the time we did have
together just a little more. 

--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it isn't always all comforting to know that the person has gone
on to a better place. After all, there is selfishness in all of us. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: 
     the light coming on in our lounge room at the time of my
grandfather's death in hospital.  It never worked well as the switch was
broken, but at the time Grandad past away it was like some of the
electricity got through.  I think that was him saying goodbye. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my family since I was so young. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     beleiving that in this lifetime I would never see them again. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I didn't laugh out loud, but I did wear the brightest dress
I owned to his funeral, and now I guess that was probably 
the one thing my Grandfather would have laughed at!!! 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell him just how much I love him.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     it comes around to Christmas.  My grandfather died three three days
before Christmas and he had therefore bought all our Christmas presents. 
It was so sad opening those presents without anyone to hug and thank. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think I would have stayed at home longer.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a lot to my grandfather and although not as much for me, it was
something that I shared with him.

--Regarding MONEY:
     it created a lot of bitchiness between family members since the
division of the estate was more in my father's favour although no-one was
forgotten. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     at the funeral, seeing my grandfather's coffin and trying to imagine
him actually in there. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I wish to die with dignity and with my family and friends close by. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     My grandfather taught me a little bedtime prayer when I was young.
After he past away I would say this prayer before going to sleep every
night and I would also tell my grandfather how much I loved him and missed
him. I talked to him a great deal and sometimes still do! 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 
     I think that maybe if I had realised he was sick a little earlier
then he may have survived. 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was good since I have never really dealt with the guilt of not
helping my grandfather earlier. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 12 20:45:17 1997
F18 in Iowa City, Iowa =USA=
Name: Karen Neubert   <karen-neubert-at-uiowa.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Premed student 
More personal info: 
     Will you email me back? 
	Everyone can know what I think! I love you Gram!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     For humans, death is like 13 o' clock...no one knows about it, except
for we can be certain that whatever happens in death is more beautiful
than what we experience in life. The old, the young, the married, the
sick, the innocent, the drunk, everyone experiences the phenomenon we are
afraid of called death. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     Was at my greatgrandmother's bedside...she had been my best friend
since I was born. She died when I was 16 and she was 80. It was my first
death experience, my first wake, and my first funeral. But I will never
forget her. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     The guy who was killed was my idol....he went to the college I am
attending now and he was a WONDERFUL basketball player, and I was his
biggest fan. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     Something happened to me. My first funeral was hers and I was asked
to be the singer in her funeral. When I practiced the morning of the
funeral, my voice wasn't what I hoped it would be. My greatgrandmother
loved to hear me sing. But when the funera l was in progress, I gave Gram
the best performance ever. I have never sang so well in my life. I did not
cry because Gram wanted to hear me sing one more time. Now I am starting
to get misty eyed typing this. I love her so much. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     God is so powerful and the human race is pretty dumb. God knows
what's best for us, not ourselves necessarily. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Every lyric was perfect, the notes were all right on, and Gram beamed
a ray of light on me. But she was the true beam of light for me. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I knew Gram was okay....no more oxygen machines, no more canes, no
more nitro. My folks and everyone else were great, but I worried more
about Gram than I did myself.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The insensitivity of her own daughter (my great aunt who is not so
great), and not being able to be with her physically anymore. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     With Gram, I was there all the time for her. For the 16 short years
we were together, I was there for her. Advice? I would advise anyone to
not change their normal plans, but to keep in mind that some people are
very important.

--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Gained my very own guardian angel....her name is Virginia, I called
her Gram. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Why an 80 year old is taken one day, but an 18 year old is taken
another, and a baby is stillborn....the list goes on and on. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I never laughed...laughing is a great release, however inappropriate.
I excuse it. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I don't and thank you for not classifying it as a regret. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Sing my heart out for Gram for one last time. She loved all the songs
I sang to her and I sang from every aspect of my body and soul that loved
her...everywhere. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     When Gram recognized me by the touch of my hair. (I have VERY long
hair.) And she cried because she could not see me when she developed the
illness that led to her death. But the most amazing thing to me is when
she was very very sick, she wanted to sit in her chair in her living room
and she was too sick and weak to do that. But the night before she died,
she was sitting up in bed and actually attemped to walk to the chair even
though she was far too weak to do that.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Nothing. Except when she told her ungrateful daughter she was ready
to die hours before she did die, her daughter promptly told her thet she
was not ready for her to die. Gram was very scared of death until that
moment. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I am filling out questionnaires! Or anytime I sing one of her songs. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I am going away to college in a week, and I know my college life
would be adversely affected even if she were alive and living 1.5 driving
hours away from me. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     How do you mingle in heaven? Was Gram lost her first day? 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Sing and have her listen! She was my best audience! And I would just
love to call her on the phone and go to DQ for her favorite, small vanilla
sundae with chocolate fudge on the top. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried..what else to do? And I sent a message through God to tell Gram
a message. I hope she got it. I don't doubt God though. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Why do you think I am studying to be a doctor? I know they did
everything in their power to make this peaceful.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     NA

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     As Catholics with a strong Irish heritage, we should have celebrated
her death. But we didn't exactly, and God knows what a wonderful person
she was and is doing his job with her.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I'm not quite sure I understand. But no one knows what od has in
store for us except for death.

--Regarding MONEY:
     Gram willed me her biggest possession, her car, and it did not go
over well with some familt members.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Ummm....my greatgrandmother, maybe? She had many friends and people
who loved her. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Toucing her when she had sied. Her hands were still warm, her hair
was still soft, yet something was taken from her...the very life that made
her warm and soft a half hour before. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Gram was asking for her dad who had died many years past and she
couldn't remember many people. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     If I can concentrate on the life I still have to lead, it helps. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I really hoped it happened for Gram! 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I hope these happen too. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     Me and Gram together is a memory forever and every issue that ever
was became resolved long ago. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I don't try to think about that. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     THE DEAD PERSON CANNOT DEFEND THEIR CHOICE ANYMORE, SO YOU BETTER
RESPECT THEIR WISHES. How can't someone respect someone else's wishes? 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have thought about my own mortality but not in depth. I don't want
my folks to be the ones to bury me. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I like to talk to Gram through God. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     If something good happens to me, I look skyward as if to say, "We did
it, Gram!" 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?  My Belief System
     I know there's a heaven...we all should believe in it.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Friends' Insensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I just love talking about Gram, be it her death or anything else. But
I am tired now, can I go to sleep? 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Nope.

Shall We Share Your Comments?:  Please Do share
                Identify You?:  I welcome all communication!
Everyone can know what I think! I love you Gram!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 12 15:19:17 1997
F20 in San Carlos, CA =USA=
Name: Adriana Periat
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Student, in transition between jobs 
More personal info: 
     I was referring to my greatgrandma, grandma, two aunts, two uncles,
and two friends in this survey
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 10  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 64.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Death, like birth is a maturity level in life. It is not the end of
existence completely, but a new beginning in a non-material world. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was seven years old. Since then many relatives and people in my life
have passed on. Most between the ages of 7-15. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My mothers bestfriend died when I was seven
years old. We had to take care of the children until all the funeral stuff
was taken care of, but I don't remember being sad. I just remember not
being a loud to talk about what was g oing on with her kids.She died in a
car accident at age 21...small towns produce young parents. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The last death in my immediate family was my great gandmother who
lived a very full life. I wasn't moved by the memorial service. What
should've taken an hour to raise her up to the heavens, took about ten
minutes, saying hail mary's as fast as possi ble. That's when my belief in
catholisism stopped The last death of a friend was when I was 15. A boy I
knew fairly well had been killed in a snowboarding accident. That one had
a great effect on me because I had known him for so many years. I think
that as a teenager, its easy to believe that you are im mortal. Since
everything is so new, and you are just inventing yourself, it's easy to
forget that we are in these fragile bodies. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it isn't the absolute end. We need to learn more about how to
communicate our needs to eachother in critical times such as this. We need
to be less selfish in mourning the loss, and more joyful in celebrating
the maturity to the next level of be ing. People live on forever in our
memories if you permit them to. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     After my grandma's funeral, when I was 10, we were driving back to my
grandpa's house. "I just called to say I love you" blasted from the radio.
It was my grandma's favorite song. It made me realize that she will live
on within m mind and my physical
 features forever.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: 
     Finding an inner calmness to see me through everything. I find that
no matter what crisis arrises in my life. If I can quiet my mind, after
having acknowledged what I'm feeling, life's a lot easier to comprehend.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: 
     Watching my grandfather pace around the house as if he were lost. It
was as if he had never entered the house before. His lifetime companion
had just matured, and it took him a long time to accept that. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Don't show the pain of being there. Just show them your love and
acceptance through smiles and story telling. Support their growth as if
they were celebrating a birthday. Remember that they are finding innner
peace, and one should be honored to be pa rt of the transendance,

--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I think I said enough above

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Whenmy aunt's eyes closed and her heart beat was gone, but she was
still holding my hand.  I stilll felt as though she was with me, but she
wasn't.  At my great granmother's memorial, it was open casket. My brother
and I went up to her and rubbed her head as if she could still feel it. It
was hard to comrehend that just the mask was all that was left on this
plane of being

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     As Gibran wrote in The Prophet, you reach the absolute lows so you
can find the absolute highs. You can't have one polor opposite without the
other. All of us have invisible thermostats in our bodies. When it gets
hotter then normal(happy), the air conditioning kicks in. When it's
cooler(sad), the heaters go on. It keeps us balanced. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ask my greatgrandmother questions about our ansestry on that side of
the family.Or ask my aunt what it was like to be a lesbian in the fifty's.
Or ask my grandmother how she managed to raise all nine kids and still
remain sane.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Hold my aunt's hand as she left

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     When I hear certain songs There's one song that talks about living an
unfinished life and leaving it behind....never being able to find the end
of the rainbow.  Pictures make me cry too

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I try not to use the phrase. I am aware that things just arn't fair.
If they were, this life would be so boring. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Wake up, and the nightmere would end. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     tried very hard to just love and support everyon else who was mouning
the loss around me. To some it may be sad that I have experienced so many
deaths, but it really isn't. I'm OK with it. Death has been a very big
part of my life, and I think it jus t gave me some tools, such as coping,
early on. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I don't ever recall what the medical community did for us.  Once
their dead, there's not much meds can do. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Three of my many aunts were nurses. One was a chiropractor. My
uncle's a doctor. My other uncles a priest. I think that the cancer that
ate two of my aunts would have taken them even if we had given them all
the medicine in the world. By the time the y had been diagnosed, it was
too late. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Religion is a confusing matter in my life. I was raised as a catholic
buhdist. First, we would raise people up to heaven, and then forty
something days after the death, we'd have a salamitan to celebrate the
person reaching the next level of life. My parents were hippies and wanted
me to choose my own religion. I fall somewhere between sufi and Budhist

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: 
     very familiar. I said all I have to say about that above.  >From a
worldly view, I'd say that death is a common thread that helps all
cultures weave into eachother. It is one of the only things left to help
us bind together.

--Regarding MONEY:
     of discust. I remember feeling sick to my stomach as my relatives
cheered the death of my greatgrandmother who fell silent at age 93. She
had a lot of maney and land that my family couldn't wait to get their
hands on. I was supposed to get some of it , but I told them I didn't want
blood money. I decided to let them fight over that too. I probably
could've gone to school with it, but I would never want another's life
hanging over my success, as I felt her's would've. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     That it was all just a ritual too old to really make any difference
in our lives, but to say that we attended. Some of our death traditions
seem outdated. I understand that whether you died a thousand years ago, or
yestarday, you're still dead. Howev er, I think that funerals were
probably originally meant to help people cope, and I'm not sure that works
anymore. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Everyone's interest in what they would personally gain. I have a sick
family.  The other wierd part has been not knowing which way to say
goodbye was the best. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     When they start talking to dead people and giving messages to the
living. Also, when you see their face light up and become youthful looking
as they go and once they're gone. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': 
     My aunt, who was dying of cancer, began to tell us that my grandma
and uncle were in the room. I really didn't beleive anything she was
saying until she told my mom that her best friend was in the room, whom
she'd never met or seen before.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     When I was eleven years old, I fainted and went into a siezure, while
visiting a friend in the hospital. According to my mom, I was out for
quite some time. My eyes were roled back in my head and I was biting my
toungue. I remember telling my mom tha t I needed to sit down, and as I
went for her hand, I blacked out...that's all I remember of being
contious. The next thing I remember was feeling really calm and floaty.
Around me I saw still frame photo looking things (kind of like movie
screens) with p eople I knew who were dead waving to me smiling. The next
thing I remember is hearing my mom say "Ada, Your toungue is blue" She was
really telling me I was biting my tougue. When I opened my eyes, there was
nurses and doctors all around me. (I picked a g ood place to faint...the
hospital) I kept wanting to go back to sleep, but they wouldn't let me.
I'm not sure whether that was a close to death experiene, but it was like
nothing I've ever experienced before

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I think that the only person that an help you is yourself. Mo matter
how many people I try nd pry open for an oppinion of how they think I
should be doing something, most of the time, I'm just searching for those
who are backing up what I already fee l I should do. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I already stated those wishes above.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     When I die, I do not want a formal funeral. I don't want everyone to
cry, unless it's from laughing at their memories of me. I want them to
play music that reminds everyone of me and have funny pistures of me on
the walls. I want all those people who truly know me and love me to show
up, and all those aquantances to go away. I don't want people who didn't
truly know me tto cry over my being gone. That's selfish and stupid. I
want to be cremated and thrown into the ocean. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Light a candle next to their picture. It symbolizes bringing them
into the light to me.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Not really. I try to live every day like it was my last. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     My mom made me go to a psychologist, as she didn't know how to talk
to me about it in a way that I could understand

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Distractions 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     This questionaire took a lot longer than I thought it would. It
would've been easier if it were multiple choice. I liked it however
because I am coming away feeling more in touch with my beliefs on the
subject matter. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     For those like myself who have experienced quite a few deaths, there
should be a way of listing off those who've been close to you that have
passed on. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 12 15:09:45 1997
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the termination of life as you know it

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was horrified. While the lady was dying she was screaming to me for
help.  I was only 9 years old and it tramatized me. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I witnessed a young lady being hit by a train
at a train crossing

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the lack of ability to concentrate on what happened and what to do
about it. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     believing that for as long as i lived I would never see that person
again

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     just the presense of another person should be somewhat
helpful....that the dying person doesnt feel like he is alone. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     when an insignificant other person is the one breaking the news to
you, i was in a state of confusion during the whole phone conversation

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     thank my grandfather for all the time he spent with me

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     sat on the floor in a sitting position with my head on my knees and
cried

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 
      
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 12 04:22:22 1997
F27 in S.A. =Australia=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  searching under tests, looking for standardised testing for special ed
students
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Teacher 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: age and disease;  Aged: ~ 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of our physical life on earth,the beginning of another
experience and a different level of our exitence. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was upset,maybe overly emotional due to my limited relationship to
that person.  (My partners, boss - died of cancer) 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my pet was killed and i found this quite
traumatic, cried for quite a while. Had to have it burried in the
backyard. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     How calm and spirit filled I felt at the funeral, and how important
to me it was to attend the funeral. Regardless of the cost to get there. 

--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It is a natural part of life and needs to be accepted more openly and
discussed. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: 
     Support from my partner, just a reassuring presence. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I don't think I have really been through a loss really close to me yet.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     n.a. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't so much worry about my own death, but rather those around me.
If I think about my own death I am usually more concerend about those I
will be leaving. I don't think I have a fear of death, and I see it as
eventually being a positive experienc e for me.  I don't think I will cope
well when those closest to me die.. It's a selfish thing, but I just
wouldn't want to be without them. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
      
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 11 13:30:12 1997
F52 in owensboro, ky =usa=
Name: connie payne   <csp-at-occ-uky.campus.mci.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  reading a book from Gerry Spence
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: social work student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     waling across a green grassy lawn in warm waether, just walikng on
and on..not tiring

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     did not cry but felt jubitaion and a proudness for the surrender. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was.do not actually remember.  Have always felt a
differentness about me that I can not vocabulary vocalise thoughts and
inner feelings.  But am extremely comfortable with what I feel and
think...

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     that "pop" was in the room shaking his head at his mourners, whilr I
silently smiled at him. 

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It is okay to talk about it. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     a sense of okayness

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the anger of not being with him

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Silence.  A felling of letting go. 

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     am not afraid

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     "pop" really wanted to go.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     saw him smiling and waving as he walked in to blue sea.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing!  I presonally do not want a strange person hovering over me; 
n ot knowing what kind of person I am/was.  My friends know and do not
need to be told by someone they do not know either.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     A coldness.  Some wasted energy and expense to console is directed in
an empty manner. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     The person I knew saw an angel o the frame of sick bed. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I do not know if I experienced a near-death experience or not.  I
just can not explain my independly depend inner feelingling.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     no unresolved issues.  A oil painted picture can to me from a
stranger and washed the guilt feelings away.  I can to believe in
forgiveness. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     practice loveness.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  What was it 
     not my death but others 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     would like more time to read questions and internalize what my
response would be, but feel rushed because of expectant phone call.  Would
like to sit outside and re-read questions.  Also would not mind
communications with another person as long as credibility is noticed. 
Thank You. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 11 03:38:01 1997
F20 in Timaru,  =New Zealand=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  Did a search on Psychology and a link led to here
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  12yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer;  Aged: 46.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of life in the physical world, but a new beginning in another
sprital world.  It is the end of life, but a sprital part keeps living. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     Blocked it out and appeared to recover well.  I didn't deal with it,
I was young, and so I didn't really understand it, except I knew I was
never going to see that person again.  Now I'm finding it hard at times,
because I'm still not dealing with it and I'm still trying to block it,
but it is slowly coming out, and I will have to learn to deal with it,
unless I want my life to go on the way it. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my mum died of cancer when I was 8.  I'm still
not over it.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     it was something not to talk about and to get over very quickly. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     There isn't anything I'm grateful for.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My cousin, who was a nurse and answered all my questions. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     That they were never coming back, and I would never be able share my
life with them.  Never see/talk to them. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say goodbye

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     the time of her death comes again, each year.  The day, month.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     curl up and go to sleep and never wake up. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     When I was told, I knew what had happened.  I knew what death meant,
but at the same time I didn't know.  I cried.  Then over the course of
months I blocked it out and went on with life.  Alway happy and smiling. 
Now I almost never smile. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     okay, but now I don't like going into hospitals especially the one
that mum died in.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.  After my mum's death church/religion meant nothing.  I
don't accept church or the beliefs assocated with the church >From the day
my mother died, I have hated God and still do very much. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     two years ago I had a dream that mum came back and said goodbye to
me.  That helped for a short time, but now I want her to come back and
help me with things now.  I wanted to say goodbye, but at the same time I
don't. I want her to come back and look after me.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     My only fear is that I might have children, who will have to go
throught the same thing as me.  And I don't want that to happen. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     Like I said before, I'm still over it, but I guess that because I can
block my feelings I don't deal with things very well. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 
     Is one of them.  There was a lot that stopped me from wanting to deal
with it.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was okay.  Some of the questions were hard to understand and so I
didn't answer them.  Others didn't relate so I didn't answer them either. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 10 23:29:31 1997
F28 in seattle, wa =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: occupational therapy 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	    Authors: elisabeth kubler-ross
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia;  Aged: 57.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the very end of physical existence

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     didn't really get the full impact

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... grandfather died in his sleep.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how helpless he looked before he died

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     using the word death, died, dead etc

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     being closer thatn we have ever been prior to his dying because he
was sick so long

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     support of my best friend and time alone

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     just the memories of him in the hospital and so ill and weak as well
as the frightened look he had in his eyes and the vision of him hooked up
to machines

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     looking them in the eyes, talking to them, not leaving when
unpleasant things happen (vomiting, etc) 

--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     became an organ donor and part of the bone marrow donor registry

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     not knowing for certain if and when it was coming---we knew the
prognosis but you are never ready for that phone call

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     you need those times to de-stress

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be at the hospital with him more than i was able to given the
circumstances

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     become closer to my family

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i don't know

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     seeing the body before they take it to the funeral home

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     something reminds me of him unexpectedly---a smell, a glimpse of
someone who looks similar, a deja vu situation involving him

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he had to suffer so much

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     forget the entire thing sometimes

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was extremely pissed off

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     gratitude and awe

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     no hospice involved

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     absolutely nothing 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     comforting and calm 

--Regarding MONEY:
     was not an issue in any way 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how many people were there and how my dad would never had believed so
many people would have cared about him

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     i don't know

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     i dont know


--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it was not linear---kinda bounced around in a haphazard way between the stages 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': 
     i dont know 

--RE: Near Death Experiences: 
     never happened to me 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?: 
     i feel pretty resolved---comfortable with the way things were left
between he and i

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: 
     I think it's just extremely important to let others you trust know
exactly what you want and let them know how important your wishes are to
you.  Also if those in a postion to alter your wishes in any way disagree
with your wishes then it's important to make certain you give those
decision-making powers to someone you trust will carry them out, in a
legally-binding way. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?: 
     I thought about it very much since my father was first diagnosed with
leukemia.  I would be very up front with others and let them know EXACTLY
how I feel about them and what they mean to me.  I would not want
artificial means of life support if it a ppeared I would not make a
recovery and I have told my family that.  I want my organs donated and
have told my family that. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     just going to the gravesite whenever i get the chance

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     can't think of anything

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  What was it 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It felt okay.  I feel fairly far removed from it at the moment so it
feels good to just give info about it. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     can't think of any at the moment

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 10 17:09:15 1997
F46 in Fairmont, NC =usa=
Name: Starkey Oxendine   <starkey-at-interpath.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Friend ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: E.M.T.-Intermediate 
More personal info: 
     I dealt with death and dying for 10 years in both emergency and
non-emergency cases
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 11 ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle accident;  Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     curel

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was made to feel gulity

--That first time, how it happened was
     grandmother died in front yard

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the sense of loss

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to feel for others and value of life

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the assurance from God that he is in heaven

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my children 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing I could not go back and say I Love You  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     knowing they where not alone and someone cared 

--[My Husband's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     had to take it one day at a time and time heals all wounds even
thought it may take alot of time

--The most confusing point of death for me was when: 
     shortly after he was pronounced dead

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: 
     this didn't happen to me 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     for him to hear me say I love you one last time

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     survive 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     when they let me dress him at the funeral home 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     material things and what he left behind

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     how i feel when the children accomplish something and how nice it
would be if he could see how well they are doing

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that someone so young with small children have to die without any
chance to say good-bye or I love you

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die too

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt so all alone

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they did all they could 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     everything they were there for us 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     unity 

--Regarding MONEY:
     everything was taken care of 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     there were more people than what I expected and now looking back at
the video there where people there that have since passed on and we are
luck to have memories of them

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     when i looked at my daughter about 5 minutes before the dr. came in
and told them he was gone. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     death rattles

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     do it at your own time and spend no two people grieve the same amount
of time

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     how much i love him
my pastor

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     everyone should die with dignity as for me i do not want to be keep
on life support and put in a nursing home

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     make funeral arragement for your family because this is one of the
hardest things the family has to do

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i was able to put a closure to something when i gave his clothes away
21 months later looking back on it now i know i should have done it
sooner. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Friends' Insensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it brought back memories, feel and helped me put a closure to
somethings

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     at the time of death most people have a flight or fight feeling they
want to leave so it will not be true or they are hurting and they want to
hurt something. People need to know that these are normal feelings. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Aug  9 21:22:45 1997
F48 in Port Orchard, Washington =United States=
Name: <rdfellis-at-soundcom.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: On Death and Dying - Edgar Caycee Books - Beyond the Light 
	    Authors: Elizabeth Kubler Ross, Edgar Caycee, Jeanie Edie
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ruptured aorta;  Aged: 34.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     To me, the human body is the house for our souls.  When this house
becomes run down (such as in the aging process) our souls will vacate the
premises and because we are beings of energy, we will pass on to another
phase of our existence in the spirit.  Just as we would not be able to
live in a condemned home, such is the case with a run down physical body. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     I cried for about five minutes when I received the phone call
regarding my brother's passing.  I then realized that he had moved on to a
far better place, and that he was healthy again in his new life, and I was
happy for him.  I do however, miss him very much. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My grandmother passed away when I was 17 years
old and because she lived in New York, and I in California, her passing
was much easier for me to deal with because I was so far away, and had not
seen her for about 6 years. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The sorrow that my sister-in-law showed.  Her cries were so pitiful,
and I knew that only time would heal her. 

--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Death is not the end to our existence.  We need not be afraid to die,
but rather look forward to moving onto another dimension of our existence. 
I do think that all people, myself included, are perhaps most afraid of
"how" we are going to die, which in itself is understandable, but we
should learn that death itself is not to be feared. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: 
     The death of my niece, (my sister's only child) gave my sister and
her husband the gift of being able to show others how precious that life
truly is, and that nothing is so terrible that it cannot be forgiven, and
that all should be loved and "forgiven"  to attain an inner sanctum of
peace within oneself. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I realize that all things occur for a reason, and that we all have a
purpose.  I believe that once that purpose has been achieved, then the
need for our physical existance is no longer necessary. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: 
     The fact that I could no longer have face to face contact with that
person, and perhaps the fact that there were some things that I should
have said or done before their departure.  My biggest regret with my niece
was that I didn't get to know her better. 
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: 
     Keep emotions in check.  That person knows that he/she is dying, and
perhaps if we can remain calm, we can help them to remain calm and go to
their death peacefully.

--[My Brother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     cherished the experience of having had Richard for a brother, because
he was blind, and had other problems, but he never let any of those
problems hold him back in any phase of his life.  He was a man loved by
all who knew him, and if anything he taught selflessness.  He was
concerned about how everyone else was doing, even though he was dying, and
never complained once.  I now know that it is true that we will be given
no greater cross than we are able to bear.  didn't have any enemy in this
world.  I have always had compassion for those less fortunate, however I
feel that the compassion has intensified.  I am grateful to the good Lord
for giving us Richard and letting us experience his handicaps and his
life, and his death. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I didn't know whether or not my loved ones suffered.  I hate to think
that they had a lot of physical suffering before peace was at hand. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     listen more closely to my brother when he first told me of his heart
problem.  I was too wrapped up in my own personal tragedy to truly hear
what he was saying to me. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have experienced my departed loved ones in my life. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     a particular incident involving that loved one is brought up, or just
sometimes looking at his picture on the wall, I realize just how much I
miss them. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     When my niece died, it was sudden.  She had been in a car accident,
was killed almost instantly.  This child was every parents dream child. 
Straight A's all through school and college, well behaved, well mannered,
etc.  Why does someone who has never caused a moments pain, be taken at
such a young age.  She was 19. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     realized that they would suffer no more.

--Regarding MONEY:
     wasn't an issue 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I personally think that funerals are barbaric.  I feel that when it
is my time I would rather have those I love remember me alive and well,
not stiff and cold. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     I don't know.  I didn't see my brother, and my niece's death
was very sudden and unexpected.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I don't feel that I had unresolved issues, but just some minor
regrets that aren't even worth mentioning. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I think that perhaps I would be a bit afraid of the physical aspect
of my impending death, but on the other hand because I do believe that we
go onto another realm in the hereafter, I have a curiosity and sometimes
almost an envy of those already there because they have knowledge that I
don't have and will not have while in this life. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I take great comfort in knowing that I will again be reunited with my
loved ones, and know that any time I want to speak with them even now, all
I have to do is to think of them. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     The questionnaire gives a good deal of food for thought, however in
truth there are some questions as you can see that I did not answer
because I wasn't completly sure of what my answer would be.  I still have
much curiosity about not the physical realm of death, but the world and
existence beyond. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Aug  9 20:25:31 1997
F38 in Avondale, AZ =US=
Name: Patsy   <Patsy-at-iname.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Instructor 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: plane crash;  Aged: 39.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of our life here on earth with the people we have come to
know during this life. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was sad and worried about what to say to the parents and family of
the deceased. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     A boy I went to high school with died during football practice. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     feeling incredulous that it had happened and also a bit lucky.  I
thought a lot about how I would have felt if it had been my husband who
died in the plane crash, rather than two of our friends.  I also remember
how other friends of ours called us or we called them -- many people we
hadn't seen in years or talked with in years.  My husband and I felt a
real need to talk about our friends and find out as many details as we
could about what happened and why. 

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: 
     how to explain it to children and how to prepare your own mind and
heart for the death of loved ones.  I think we also need to examine how we
treat those left behind, once the funeral is past. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     a chance to think about how I really felt about the friend who died,
and a chance to further consolidate my own feelings and beliefs about life
and the after life. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     walking, music and thinking.  I also dealt with a lot of my feelings
through writing an essay about what Pat meant to my husband when he was
alive.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that hjis wife went into a deep denial and that I was unable to help
her deal with her tragedy. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     spend the time.  When my grandmother died almost 17 years ago, I was
able to be with her in the last two days before she passed away.  I mostly
just sat where she could see me and held her hand.  She knew that I was
there and that I loved her, even t hough I hadn't seen her very much in
her last couple of years.

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was able to think through the process of life and death and discover
my true feelings about the process. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     take my grandmother out for a hamburger and chocolate shake one last time.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     get my husband to talk about death a little. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I realize I am drying off one of my young sons with at towel my
grandmother used to use.  I feel like she is still here in some way. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     comforting and somehow "right." 

--Regarding MONEY:
     every family I know has had a hassle over money when parents died. 
Fighting over possessions or money seems like a poor tribute to a loving
mother or father.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     a certain look on the face.  It is hard to describe the exact look,
but I believe most everyone would recognize it.  My grandmother had looked
so labored and tired for several days that the difference in her eyes and
smile were very noticable.  It wa s almost as if she were looking beyond
me to some better, other place.  I knew she was going to cross over very
soon and had my uncle get my mom and aunt back to the room, even though
they had just left for the first break they had had in hours.  I can't
explain it any better than that -- I just knew. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I believe this is what happened to my grandmother.  She lost a son to
scarlet fever when he was 8 years old.  It is my belief that he came to
help her find her way to God.  I can think of nothing else that would have
brought that look of love and pea ce to her face before she died.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     It is important that your family and loved ones know that you want to
donate organs, be cremated, be allowed to die without living for years on
machines. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     The thought of leaving my sons behind before they are grown scares me
a great deal.  I hope I never have to face that. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I write.  Now that I have my own children, I take time to write
things to them that I would want them to know about me and my life and my
thoughts about them -- so if I should die suddenly they would have some
part of me to keep forever. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Religion/Clergy 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Answering some of the questions made me cry.  

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Sat Aug  9 01:36:51 1997
F30 in fairfield, ca =usa=
Name: CJ Gloser
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: reservation agent for an airline 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart trouble;  Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     going on to another existance taught to us for generations and
hundreds of years. different people believe different things but
essitially most people believe this is not the only thing there is

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     accepted it

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great aunt died but i didnt know her then i
had an uncle die in a violent car accident.  in both incidents i wasnt
involved. my grandmother also died when i was 7 but i was left out of that
also

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     my mom's brothers and sisters reaction at the funeral.  the ones we
thought we wre going to have problems with we didnt and vice versa

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     nothing.  it is a part of God's plan

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    What was it 
     there was nothing to deal with the person was in heaven case closed

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Fri Aug  8 23:00:48 1997
M17 in Poway, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: died during surgery;  Aged: 81.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of our journey of life here on this earth	

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was heartbroken and distraught and could hardly believe that such a
wonderful person had left me.

--That first time, how it happened was
     grandfather died during surgery. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     that for the first time in my entire life i did not go and spend part
of the year with him. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is not the end of your life, only a turning point or another
thing that must happen for one to fully experience life. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that i was able to know such a wonderful man who i loved so much and
knowing that he loved me twice as much

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the passage of time

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     remembering all of the wonderful things that we always did that i
know now that we can never do again

--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     cherished those moments together so very much and how important those
are to keeping him alive in my heart. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i had just found out that he had died duirng a surgery that is
purported to be so safe. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to him again or see him again and just spend time with my great
buddy. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     remember him and our times together. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i talked to my grandmother and she told me that he loved me so much. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i look at pictures of him and remember those things that i did with
him that i did with no one else. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     the world is not a just place, it is just a place

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     have him back 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     began to sob and felt horrible that i hadn't gotten to see or speak
to him recently. i also thought of the pain that my grandmother was going
through. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     i was unable to attend the funeral

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     not feeling like i felt like i could bring myself to go to the funeral.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i know nothing. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     i know nothing. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     pretty good. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     i just want to be remembered.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i would feel like so much of my life is anything in front of me, yet
i still fear its unwarranted arrival. it is scary to think that all of the
things that i want to happen would never happen at all. i feel like i
deserve the opportunity to experienc e the full treatment of life.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i thought about a great time with him and i smile. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     still think of him often.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     alright.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug  8 16:31:58 1997
Anonmous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Secure the Shadow by Jay Ruby, Death, the trip of a lifetime 
		by unknown? Sleeping Beauty, Stanley Burns 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: Polypharmacy and Heart Diseage;  Aged: 37.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of part of your own life when someone close to you dies, part
of you dies with them. You can never replace that part of yourself. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was only 9 or 10 years old. I was sad but don't think I realized that
this person was never coming back. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...an Aunt died suddenly.  I had been fairly close
with this Aunt and I remember feeling sad but not to any degree of deep
depression or anything remotely like what I experienced later in life
after the death of a friend/idol and m y recent death of my sister.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     my sister's dead body and the condition of the body, the room where
she died etc.  I cannot shake the image of my sister's body, dead, cold,
ugly and cut up (from the autopsy) 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     what happens to a body after death, why do we find this revolting,
education, understanding of the "next" life if there is such a thing,
without religion being a major issue. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I had the last christmas with my sister, we were talking again after
a long standing arguement.  Her death has also ended her pain and
suffering.  She was a very sad, depressed, sick individual in alot of pain
most of the time.  Her 8 year old son wi ll now have a better opportunity
to get the education he deserves and to do the things that little boys
should be doing instead of taking care of his Mother. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Books, reading, my own thoughts and condolances. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     having to take care of all of my sisters belongings, packing them up,
looking at all her memories, seeing and touching her dead body, seeing her
like that was very difficult, she had not been prepared by a funeral home
when I saw the body, just layin g there freash out of the autopsy.  It was
the hardest part.  It is difficult to have all of her things around me
right now.  I need to decide what to do about her belongings. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     this never happened. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     have the body prepared better before I viewed it or at least
afterward before the creamation.  I wish I had of held her. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i can't think of anything except seeing the body. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the memorial service. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i look at how pretty she was in the photo on my dresser. When i go
through her clothes, i can still smell her on them, i cry. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that my father, with alzheimers, is still alive and suffering and my
sister is dead at 37 years old with an 8 year old son. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     scream

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     went crazy, numb, i cryed non-stop for literally days.  I still
cannot believe she is gone. It seems like a bad dream that I will wake up
and say, I had the worst dream, my sister died in her sleep. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they did nothing except hack her body up and give it back to us
afterward.  They don't have a clue what happened to her or how she died,
they are guessing!!!!

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     n/a 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing but an intrusion to my grief

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     i feel spiritually connected to my sister, she is still with me every
day. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     it was a huge financial burdon on me and my family. I lost my job
during the period of time that it took to get things organized with the
body being returned and the memorial service, etc. i have still yet to
recover financially from her death and th e related expenses.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it was unnecessary. It was a burden. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     dealing with my mother and my sister's son. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     n/a

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     n/a 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     n/a 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     n/a 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     i feel good about my relationship with my sister however, i wish i
was with her when she died, she was alone in a hotel room, that makes me
very sad.  i love her and i know that she knew/knows this.  i just wish we
had of spent more time together/qua lity time. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     burial wishes, what to do with your belongings, your children, etc. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i'm scared that i have the same heart condition and that i will die
the same way. Soon. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     reading, going through her things, talking to her

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     i think of her everyday, i never did that when she was alive. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     educating myself to the facts and beliefs about death and dying.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
     people don't want to talk about it, they want to act like nothing is
wrong and just continue on, no discussions, no details etc.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it was fine, enjoyable. hope it helps you.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     no problems.

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Fri Aug  8 10:03:21 1997
F23 in Goldsboro, NC =USA (but originally from UK)=
Name: Kay
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  Free Sample News Online homepage
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles:  
	    Authors: Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer of breast;  Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The release from pain.....for those with incurable diseases or severe
old age.  Or our time is up - the completion of our life cycle, controlled
by our body rather than our mind and maybe other forces beyond our
control. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was too young to understand and was merely confused by family members
emotions. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... a relative

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     its total unfairness....there seemed no justification for the taking
of such a young life who was also to leave a husband and two young
children behind. 

--What I think my (USA (but originally from UK)) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to communicate the loss better - christianity seems to be too
sombre and tends to pretend death does not exist, thus when it does
happen, it is all the much harder. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that it ends the suffering within an individual and for diseases such
as cancer this can be the only peace. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     family

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing what to say to anyone involved.  And getting used to their
permanent absence. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     as a child still not understanding what death was and what it meant

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     if I laughed it was through being so uncomfortable with the
atmosphere around me during the day of the funeral, that I did not know
how to be or act. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend a lot of time with my sister in law whilst she was in hospital
so that she would know that I cared. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     as i said before, that was a major issue because she had we thought,
gotten over the cancer after a masectomy..and then it took her, at so
young an age and away from her beautiful children. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     bring her back to her children for a brief moment so that she could
see them and say goodbye

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     found grief the hardest to deal with

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     I do not know, as I was not the one involved. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the power of emotions.......the love pouring from the hearts of all
for the friend they had lost. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     The wishes for the bodies disposal seems important..everyone has
diffferent feelings on burial, cremation, donation etc and I think it is
imortant to discuss this in life.  It is also really important to discuss
death at an early age with children. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am not afraid of my own death - I only fear the affect of it on
others and I do not want to have them suffer.  I also believe very
strongly in a right to euthanasia, something that i would hope to have
access to when I reach the age of wanting to be released. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     believing that the person who's grave you are visiting and talking to
is listening.  It helps to believe that somwehere they may be seeing or
hearing you and it does not matter if that is an absurd thought as it is
one that I think we all wish to believe in nonetheless. 
y
 - - - - - P e r s o n a l   H i s t o r y - - - - -

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Aug  7 17:15:34 1997
F39 in Illinois =USA=
Name: morgan   <morgan-at-mtco.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: disabled student 
More personal info: 
     happy to answer questions...post if desired 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: the Bible 
	    Authors: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder by ex-boyfriend;  Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a transition to a new form

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was angry that it had to happen this way

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a friend shot himself

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     that her children were left motherless

--What I think my (u.s.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not to fear it so much; prepare ahead of time

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that I nearly died and found out there is nothing to fear

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my belief system 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the thought of the pain she must have endured  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to reassure them that they will wake up in a better place 

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     realized my purpose was to comfort her loved ones

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     death brings out a greater appreciation for life; the contrast is
sometimes overwhelming, but reassuring

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     share her enthusiasm for the Rolling Stones

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     help her sister through the aftermath 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     everyone connected on this one thing; almost telepathically 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     appearances of our behavior

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear the name of the man who killed her...he was in prison only
three years, and we're still angry

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that her life was cut short, but the murderer is free to do as he
likes

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     said a prayer for her

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     medicine has its limits 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing at all 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like a connectedness with the universe 

--Regarding MONEY:
     the funeral parlor was too concerned about their payment 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     people seemed to feel guilty for being alive, being hungry, etc.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     how many people were genuinely fearful of their own mortality

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     calmness in the dying person

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     no matter one's beliefs, the stages of grieving still apply to some
extent

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't know; but it has happened to me (near-death experience)
so I know it's true 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Oh yes, it's true.  It has significantly changed my views of life and
death;  I believe some of us come back in order to teach others there's
nothing to fear.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     no issues

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Allow me to decide when I've suffered enough; allow me to decide when
I can no longer live with dignity and pride, dependent on others for every
need.  Don't take away my humanity by forcing me to live that way. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am now facing these issues due to a diagnosis of
chronic-progressive multiple sclerosis.  It won't kill me until long after
it totally incapacitates me, however I still am facing these concerns now. 
I am ready, and more afraid of suffering than I am of actual death. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     reading the Bible

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     "pray without ceasing"; integrating prayer into almost everything I
do

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I am glad for the opportunity to speak up about these issues.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Add question:  "When you die, are you more afraid of death itself,
or of the physical suffering involved?"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug  6 11:47:32 1997
M41 in Hartland, MI =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  Yahoo search, Tests.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 22yrs ago.
Cause of Death: gunshot;  Aged: 54yrs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The termination of existence at the physical level.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     Felt very alone. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  6 yr old brother killed in a farming
accident. He was crushed by a tractor. I had to help cut away his clothing
to ease his breathing. He lived two days after. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The living trying to show the feelings "expected" of them.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     As natural as birth.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     ------------------------

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     introspection. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Unresolved conflicts.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Provide strenght and support 

--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Became hardend to the concept of death.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I had to deal with the living left behind.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Put it behind me and went on living.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Religion/Clergy 
     Dealing with the living was not easy, as I "wasn't greiving enough" 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug  4 18:19:45 1997
F23 in Norman, Oklahoma =USA=
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: mother and college student 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend,  1 month ago.
Cause of Death: ;  Aged: 26.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the ending of our current physical life into an eternity of peace for
our souls

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     broke down and cried

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... Long time family friend (an older woman) died
of an asthma attack in her home. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the picture of the scene of the accident

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     walks out in nature 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the emotional pain  

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be a part of the individual's life 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     definitely!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     hit a  punching bag 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     would vividly remember all the moments I had with the person

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     support 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     viewing the body, all embalmed and make-uped

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Hope that my children outlive me and that I simply die in my sleep

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Distractions 
      
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     thought provoking

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug  1 15:12:47 1997
F15 Anonymous Guest
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle,  6 mo. ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: about 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when a person's body stops breathing, stops the heart pumping.  The
body is of no use.  It is lifeless.  People feel there is an afterlife.  A
place you come to when you have died.  "You" is your soul which supposedly
rests inside your body as you li ve. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was astounded that death was more than just in the movies. I thought
about the myth of heaven and the afterlife.  I wondered where they had
gone and what they were feeling and thinking.  When i was 12, i got into
life after death books, and astrology , and since then i have studied it.
I am now 15. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my aunt commited suicide when i was about 7

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     i remember my mother on the phone when she first heard about it.  I
know the sound of her cry when something devastating has happened.  I ran
in her room and asked what was wrong and she told me that my uncle had
killed himself.  I had never really been close to this uncle, but it was
my mom's brother, and then i was upset because my mother was crying
uncontrollably

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     the afterlife.  I think that there is God, and i'm not so sure about
heaven, because of these books i have been reading.  I think there is no
heaven or hell.  There is one place you go to.  You have been there many
times, and from there you prepare for your next life.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the people close to the person that has died always remember the good
things about that person, and what they contributed to the people around
them.  They forget about all of the anger, and the bad things that person
has done. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself.  Time will heal everything i say.  Every day is a new day,
could be better or worse than the last.  Just be strong until your wound
heals.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     i was so young and i wasn't that close to her, but i remember crying
at the funeral

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Passage of Time 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug  1 07:27:16 1997
M75 in Noblesville, Indiana =U>S>A=
Name: Dr. Archie J. Nichols   <Chrisnicarchie-at-juno.com>
 Web: jbiminc's home page  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Economists  Professor 
More personal info: 
     Interested in getting information conerning the funeral industry 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: death and dying 
	    Authors: richard g. benton
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative,  yrs3 months ago.
Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 93.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the termination of life.  Endend that all of us must face.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     Was when my mother died while I was just a young man

--That first time, how it happened was
	How it happened was... because of the death of my mother-in law

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     That it was a celebration ofe lif for the person had lived a long and
usuesful life

--What I think my (U>S>A) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to adjust to changing social requirements for dealing with death

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when death comes as an ending to suffering

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     community ssupport and friends

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the finality of it

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to ease the burden of facing a new future

--[My relative's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     by being able to recognize that death is a celebration of life

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     end and then saying What now?

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i accept 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be more knowledgeable

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     being together after the funeral for a social gathering 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     helping the surviveors

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     memories are lasting

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     no really the question is Why me?  Answer is why not

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     deal with it rationally 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     knowing that it will come to all of us.  Time is the only unknown

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     compassion 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     confused because of the difficulty of living with living death 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     when you have freiendly relationships with the people and the leaders
of the church

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like a message to one feels and has receivedcx 

--Regarding MONEY:
     we all agreed to abide by one persons decision 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     celebration of life by family and friends and relatives

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the delivery of the deceased to the earth

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     faith and confidence in one's judgment about the process

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     grief should be a private processs 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     unknown to me 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     no 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     How to start the process of final burial

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     carry out the ssteps that the deceased would have wished 
	ng me is knowing my wishes

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     it will come

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Understanding and accepting the fprocess.  Be rational and not
emoltional

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     no

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Retirement  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Books I read 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     too long and questions of a questionable nature

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See  Current   contributions.
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See  May 97   contributions.
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