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See more recent contributions.
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See MOST RECENT contributions.
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Fri Jan 31 15:46:15 1997
F24 in Valdosta, GA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
www.yahoo.com
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 90 something.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of a new way of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was upset but eventually understood why my grandpa had to die.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandpa passed away when I was in the 8th grade.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My grandpa never wore shorts in his entire life of 90 years. When he
passed away, he was out in front of his house in a reclining lawn chair
wearing shorts. I always took this to mean that he knew he was going to
die and prepared himself for it.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that just because someone dies, it does not mean they should be
forgotten.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
this experience taught me at a young age to appreciate those family
and friends I have.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my father's understanding of my grief.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Fri Jan 31 13:05:06 1997
Anonymous Writer in NYC, NY =USA=
--That first time, how it happened was
Death has always been a part of life for me. My father is a Doctor so
he often mentions his patients who die. I've also known many friends of
our family who died because of terminal illnesses or car acidents. Also my
family has lost a lot of friends because they have been killed at orders
of Russian organized crime members.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
Anti-depressants work very well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
People don't like to think of death, accept it and discuss it. I've
felt that the fact that we all die is indeed largely ignored. Most people
live just like if they are immortal.
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Fri Jan 31 04:22:40 1997
F23 in Swansea, West Glamorgan =Wales (UK)=
Name: Yvonne Davies Email: <ps3davie-at-swan.ac.uk (until june)>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
looking around psychology related web sites
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Prof/Studies: Psychology Student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 79?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when life and consciousness ends, and the body that hosted us becomes
instead an empty shell. Human grief is as much to do with knowing youll
never see that person here again, and missing that person then it is about
the persons death itself.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
found it hard to believe, that an 18 year old who ws in full health
and had everything to live for, could just dissapear like that. I kept
expecting her to phone and say it was all a joke or something. Expeting
mortaility with someone who was the same age as me, and so young was
difficult. At that age you can't imagine getting older, never mind dying.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I had arranged to meet my best friend but
could not get over to her town. I hadn't seen her for a while, but had
talked to her on the phone oftern. A few days later when I got to college
a friend told me she had died. I soon found out that she had fallen over
when running home in the rain, she may have triped over a curb. It seems
she landed badly or something, and was dead on arrival at the hospital
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How everybody feels the need to cry, but will fight to hold their
tears away, or just a few tears, dispite how hard it is. Also, how I felt
more comfertable being on my own to cry and grieve, rather then be around
family members who were feeling exactly the same as I was. Although we all
cried that day of the funeral, we cried more when we found a slightly
quieter place - eg outside the house.
--What I think my (Wales (UK)) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is a fact of life which will happen to us all. We can't
put off talking about it and putting off planning what our wishes are, as
we never know when we will go. We also need to be more supportive of each
others emations, peoeple need to be educated in how to deal with revently
berived people, and society needs to feel more free to discuss and exept
death as a natural part of life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Knowing there were people there if I needed them, but being given
time to be on my own if I wished, and to grieve in my own time at my own
rate.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Exepting that I'll never see the person again
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Pushing myself totaly into positive and funny emotions in an attempt
to stop thinking about negaitive emotions for a while and cope
temporarily. Just trying to escape from reality for that little while,
pretend non of it's happening, and thing of fun things and jokes.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Visit her christmas day, and buy her that expensive christmas
present. It was as if I knew it was the last christmas that I'd see my
grandmother, but I don't know how I could hav known that.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
People being allowed to cry and deal with it in their own time, on
their own or with others, when THEY wanted to rather then when it was
socialy exeptable.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Visiting the body in the chapel of rest. This is one thing I will not
do, as I rather remember the persons life and vitalitry, then visit an
empty shell that they no longer occupy.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think in detail about that person, and the fun or influential
things they say or do, and then remember that they'll never say those
words again, and I'll never see them again.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Take time off from these deadlines in University. My grandmothers
death is so recent that I still feel I'd like time to deal with my
emotions, but this is the final year and if I wnt to pass, I have to
complete the deadlines irrelevent to how I may be feeling at the moment.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried less, concentrated on the memories and tried to get on with
life as much as possible.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Mixed Emotions. She ws in hospital at the time, but the heart attack
was sudden and there was nothing they could do. I feel fine with this, as
at least she no longer has to suffer, but I feel a lot of her past
suffering could have been avoided if the stupid hospital had not earlier
by mistake given her double the dose of water thinnig tablets and nearly
killed her. Luckily the house nurse noticed and got it changed, but it's
still wrong that someone that week should be put through unnecesary
suffering due to the hospitals incompetance.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am not a christian. My philosophy is influenced by tibetan
buddhism. I am more inclined to believe in reincarnation then heaven and
hell. And the thought that she is not at the end, but at another stage of
life, moving on to another existance helps me deal with her death, and
accept her body as an empty shell. Her body is dead, but to me her
consciouness is moving onto another existance.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
That nearly everybody in the world has or will experience
bereivement, and will follow through the same (or simular) stages of
grief. This suffering when dealt with can be utilised into compassion and
helping others who are also going through the grieving process.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was irrelevent. I didn't get anything, but it didn't matter. I'd
rather just get on with my life and and keep the memory of the person,
rather then covet their savings. I don't have much money as a student -
but if I was to get money I would not want it to come from the death of
someone I care about, I don't know if I'd be able to put asside that the
money belonged to someone close to me who had died. I would not feel
comfertable with it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The way nobody really knows what to say to you when you tell them
that your grandmother (or anyone else close) has recently died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The face becoming pale and clammy when the blood stoppes pumping
around the heart. (Respiration and Pulse rate too is a clue, but you have
to know what to look for) Other signs of death depend on the reason of
death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
That it is important not to compare how you feeling at that time to
how other friends or relitives may be feeling. The grieving process is
personal to every one of us, and in all of us it progressed at different
rate. I tried not to think of how I should be feeling or what I should be
doing, but just to exept how I'm feeling and coping with grief at this
point, accepting it and dealing with life one day at a time.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have had none, although I have had upsetting dreams. If others
experiance this however, I have no problem believing it. I do not see
death as the end, so I don't see no reason why this should not happen to
those able to perceive it. If it helps them - good for them. Although I
would not feel comfertable with the idea of it happening to me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not tend to dwell on my own mortaility. I have told my boyfriend
and family my wishes for when I die, and I do carry a doner card. I have
breifly read the tibetan book of the dead to have a better idea of what
will happen to me between death and the next life, and believing that
death is not the end helps me. But I do not dwell on the how and when's as
there is yet no way of knowing, so I'd rather just plan my life and live
it as I see best for the time that I can.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Just taking things one day at a time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
I felt if I had turned up to see her that day, things may be
different
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel this questionniare has helped me a lot. It has been so short a
time since me grandmother died, and I have tried to cope by supressing my
grief and not thinking about it. Now that I'm starting to come to terms
with it, I felt this was the right time and a good opportuntiy to get me
thinking about it again, to organise my thoughts and better able to get on
with normal life again.
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Thu Jan 30 20:28:57 1997
F19 in Eugene, Oregon =U.S.A.=
Name: Jessica Hall Email: <jhall-at-gladstone.uoregon.edu>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Archaeology student -at-UofO
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Seth Speaks
Authors: Jane Roberts
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: cancer, kidney failure; Aged: 50?.
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--Death Is:
a passing on of conciousness from the physical plane
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My great grandfather died. I did not know him
very well. I was maybe six years old. I remember all the adults in the
living room talking and remembering him. I was sad but wasn't sure why.
The death part did not bother me, though I missed him. I knew it was okay.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My mother's regret and pain. She thought she had not told her mother
all that she should have. It was the first time I saw my mother's total
humanity and vulnerability.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not something to be feared. It does not need to be "avenged".
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
seeing my mother as a human with problems and FEARS, just like me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Your soul is always working to keep your emotional balance working.
Strong bouts of grief or solemnity are always accompanied with joy, If not
fearfully repressed.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I told my grandmother (while she was in ICU, dying) that I loved her.
I realized it was the first time I'd said it to her. She said she loved
me too and I knew that she understood I had always loved her though I had
never said so.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Memories of her. Wishing I had been older when she was alive so I
could learn and understand more about her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
putting millions of poinsettias from the funeral into the car.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I see it as a grand adventure through space/time and universal
conciousness I am not afraid
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
I remember when my grandmother died the hardest part was watching my
mother suffer.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
brought back good memories
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Thu Jan 30 14:17:53 1997
F40 in Shreveport, Louisiana =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo customized search
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Prof/Studies: Sales and Teaching
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Holy Bible
Authors: God (although He used many people)
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart failure?; Aged: 69.
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--Death Is:
the end of living in this body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my maternal grandfather and I was 4
years old. My paternal grandmother told me about it when I was at her
house.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how he was logical to the point of being illogical, and how everyone
said he died doing what he loved. But I was not worried about the instant
of death. I was worried about enternity (for him, that is).
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Jesus Christ...because He died and is now alive. We need to get past
our noses.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That one death about 2000 years ago meant eternal salvation to me. I
will ALWAYS be grateful for that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being able to lean on God and to know that when someone is lost, He
hurts even worse than I do.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not having any assurance that he had accepted the gift of salvation.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
everyday moments come to mind.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
know that he was saved.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God uses fellow christians to help us bear our grief.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Jesus Christ died for everybody, whether they live in the east, west,
north, or south. Any spirituality that denies that is of the devil and
used by him to decieve you.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I pray that it is quick, because though I don't fear dying, I don't
desire the intense time of pain that sometimes proceeds death. I look
forward with anticipation the heavenly home that I'll have forever, and
thank God for it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Passage of Time
I was not allowed to go to the funeral because I was so young. Also
my parents were not the ones who told me about the death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was enjoyable.
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Thu Jan 30 00:58:06 1997
F21 in BC =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Typed in contest, and looked at the list of categories. It was in the science quis, trivia and surveys.
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Prof/Studies: Biology Major
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: hit by car; Aged: 19.
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--Death Is:
the end of our biological life, although we're not certain what
happens next; we have many different explanations and ideas.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared and sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandma from my father's side had been in the hospital for a few
years, gradually getting worse and worse. Looking back it was sad, but at
the time, I was dragged along with my parents to visit her. She didn't
speak English, and I couldn't speak Ukranian. I didn't like my dad, and
it was always boring. When she died it was a relief to everyone in the
family because she was suffering and didn't really have an enjoyable life
anymore. What bothered me the most was how everyone reacted to it. They
weren't crying or anything. My dad's mom had died, and even though I
didn't like him, I felt sad thinking what it would be like to have my mom
dead.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how suddenly we can be running around and planning for the future,
and then gone the next day.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how it can end suffering (or our perception of suffering), like after
my grandmother had a stroke and lived in the hospital for quite a long
time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling guilty at feeling relief that it wasn't someone as close to
me as it could have been.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
regret not getting to know her. I was too young at the time to
really try or put in the effort like I would have liked to have done now.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
at the funeral they all seemed so certain that she was in heaven. To
me it seemed weird to believe in something that offers no definite proof.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's the stress. You're so sad that you're looking extra hard for
that little spark of fun around you. There's good and bad in everything,
and it just depends on how you look.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
make life a bit better for my grandmother, like taking a walk with
her or something.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was meant to be there when the accident happened. No one knew the
guy, and they all just stood around (they called an ambulence), but I
worked with the guy's mom. I drove back to work, and ran in, but she was
at home. She was just heading out and wouldn't have gotten home for
quite a while. She was grateful to me for letting her know, because it
gave her more time to spend with her son before he was gone.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that he had attened church and was a Christain, which seemed to
guarantee him a spot in heaven. What about other children who are brought
up in different religions? Are they condemmed to the Christian's idea of
hell? If we have souls and continue in a life after death, then it
probably doesn't matter what religeon we are in during our life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see someone else going through the same thing, or something similar.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
know for sure what was after death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried, and thought about how I should be living my life so that it
would be complete.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Doctors seem to treat people less as thinking, conscious beings, but
more like a bag of chemicals that they want to keep alive.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
normal. It's less rigidly defined than the European views of
religeon. This idea seems to be a good theory. We don't know much about
death, so how can we go on to say that there is only ONE god, and unless
you follow him, you'll go to Hell? I'm a scientist at heart, and without
proof, definite, replicable proof, you can't make claims like the ones
made by the Christain religeon. Blind faith goes against what seems
normal to me. And, I feel that this different idea of Spirituality is a
more rea listic view of what comes after death.
--Regarding MONEY:
the cost of the casket, tombstone, funeral service. Some relatives
wanted really nice ones, and others thought "He's dead, what does it
matter to him?"
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm scared to die because what if that is the end of it? I'm also
scared it might be painful. Everything that I am will be gone, and at
some point in the future, I will die. I can't think about it very much,
cause the fear just wells up inside me, that I think if I keep my mind on
the topic, I'll go insane.
At the same time, I'm excited to find out if there really is
something after death. New challenges, or a new life. Do we finally get
to find out where the universe really came from? Will my (seemingly
crazy) questions about the universe get answered (like are there other
cultures and civilizations on other planets wondering if other cultures on
other planets exist). I have so many questions that I can't wait to have
answered. Do we get to be reincarnated, or be a ghost, or be an angel
watching over someone? I can't wait to find out, but at the same time,
I'll take my time getting there.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I like to think that there's something more after death, and maybe
some purpose here. What it is, I don't know. You hear stories, but it's
a one time deal. You can't go there and find out unless you want to stay
there.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
Everyone claimed to have the ONE answer, yet there were so many
different ones. There's no definite proof to anything after death either,
unless you have a near death experience, and even those are explained (or
at least some try to) with biological explanations.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's interesting. I like thinking about life and what it means. If
we do have souls, then life has some greater purpose.
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Wed Jan 29 23:53:33 1997
F28 in Miami, Florida =USA=
Email: <vsanta01-at-servax.fiu.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I book-marked it a while back and I forgot why.
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Prof/Studies: student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Many lives, Many Masters and Only love is real
Authors: Dr. Brian Weiss
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Aunt, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness--cancer; Aged: in her 70's.
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--Death Is:
the part of you which is living ends, ceases to exist-to think,feel,
love, hate, worry, plan for the future...breathe. your body as you know
it is either buried, where it will decay to nothingness, or is burned to
ashes--nothing...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt angry, lonely, confused, sad-all at once. I felt like I
watching myself in a movie, like my feeling werent real- detached, but not
so detached that it didn't hurt--like when you cry when you see a sad part
in a movie--what you're feeling doesn't feel like it belongs to you...
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father was shot to death by a robber in the
drive way of my house when I was 15 years old, we were all home at the
time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how hard my aunt fought for her life in the beginning, like life was
the most important thing, all that mattered, and she even got well for a
while, like she was completely fine, but shortly, like a year later, when
she got sick again, she gave up and that giving-up period, like it didn't
matter what she did she knew it was over...that's what I remember most.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that when it happens, it happens-it's unavoidable and it's final...so
why not spend the time we have enjoying life and less time thinking about
death, worrying about paying for cementery plots and stupid stuff like
that, if you're dead, what do you care that your plot is under a nice tree
or stuff like that, life is just too short to be wasting time thinking
about the end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that once I realized that it's going to happen -to me and to the
people I love,no matter what...I have a greater appreciation for life and
for my daily gifts--my family, my husband, my friends, and I try not to
waste the precious moments I spend with them arguing, bickering over
meaningless crap... and if I happen to forget, It's usually not for
long...so I appologize quickly if I've done someone wrong or say I love
you without holding back... stuff like that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
good memories of my father and my aunt and my friend... I am
gratefull for the times we had together and I know that I am a better
person for having known them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my father was healthy and happy and still very much in love with my
mother and it was hard to accept that some bastard could take all that
away in a matter of seconds, that was very hard...but also not having him
around when I needed him, just during everyday stuff, like the empty chair
at the dinner table, looking at all the little reminders of him around the
house, listening to the music he loved and being reminded daily that his
death was real, that his life was over....was the hardest for me I think.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
In my aunts situation, I know that she knew we all loved her and
would have given anything to end her suffering (at least I think she did)
and I think it's important to be there emotionally for the dying person,
that's when they need you most, because of the unceartanty of what's to
come after.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to go on with my life, that even though you always remember,
time lessens the pain and you grow emotionally, spiritually from horrible
things like this and that in the end you are a stronger person for it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the person disappears physically--they don't exist any longer at
least in the way we living exist, if there is an after--what is it? where
is it? why are we not sure? I had at that time too many questions no one
could answer.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was out of nervousness...I had experienced so many emotions in so
short a time, it's like all my emotions came up at once and became
confused--I couldn't separate them and feel them one at a time...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to say: Goodby, I really love you, even though I didn't always show
it and I'm sorry you wont be part of my life any more....
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Move on, continue to live, hope, love and believe in the basic
goodness of people ...
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I went into the funeral home and I saw his body in that casket
..funerals are for the living...it's our slap into reality.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
finding the right words to say to the grieving family,everyone we knew
tried it...there are no words. All that was important to
us was seeing them come forward to be with us in our time of grief.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I went to visit my fathers grave and I'd loose it, I would re-live
all those feelings again and all those unpleasant memories of his death
would rush into my consciousness as if it had just happened.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
just erase all those bad memories completely.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became scared for my father ( and mother, since she was all I had
left)... then angry and confused... then drained-exhausted--tired of
thinking about it, of crying about it... only after I had cried myself
dry, and got tired of worrying about my mother's health, safety...only
then did I begin to accept it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
my experiences have not led me to any opinions about the medical
community, but since, I have newfound respect and admiration for the
Police and the risks they take every day.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My experience with the catholic church is generally good, although my
beliefs have changed somewhat since then, Ive always found solace in
church.
--Regarding MONEY:
Dying costs money, and a proper funeral/burial can bring an extra
unpleasantness to something that is already ugly for most people.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
viewing my fathers lifeless body in thick makeup--it made him
look...unreal and strange.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't really know one way or the other.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Like I said previously, I waste none of my living time on death....
the day it happens I will be too busy with living to notice...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
knowing that I still had family that would be there for me if I asked
them to be.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
realizing how final it really is, over, and that no one really knows
what comes after, if anything at all.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was generally a good experience.
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Wed Jan 29 22:00:50 1997
M41 in SF, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
wenet pposting
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Prof/Studies: general feeder at knowledge trough
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Sister, 30yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 11.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was awestruck
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my sister Jane died of leukemia at age 11
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my brother crying inconsolably and me not
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's coming
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got a chance to think about it early
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
facing the world
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
there was a funeral
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
planned to keep living
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
priests trying to butt in and nuns giving a wide berth
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like i wish i knew it was true
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my sister in her casket
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not ready yet
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
ok
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Wed Jan 29 18:06:42 1997
M25 in San Mateo, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Hooked Home Page
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Prof/Studies: musician/educator
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Tibetan Book of the Dead
Authors: Joseph Cambell
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of everything of which we know and understand as being life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to react. it was my uncle's uncle, whom i barely
knew. i attended his funeral and he was preserved in a casket, and i
looked at him and felt empty. the whole experience felt out of context and
wrong to me. i was 9 or 10.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a friend of the family's daughter was killed
in an automobile accident. i barely knew her at the time. i was around 12
or 13 and i attended the funeral and just broke down. possibly at the
thought of the suffering and loss the family was going through. i am still
not entirely sure.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my stupidity for being so clueless that his time was close. he had
many health problems in recent years and lived a full life. he was very
close to me and i foolishly thought he would live forever. i was 20 when
he died.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i don't know what to say about this issue. sorry.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
he died in his sleep, in his own bed. a beautiful closure for me and
for my family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own spirituality
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the simple fact that he was no longer a physical part of my life,
however selfish that may sound.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the fact that i never saw his body after he died. one day he is
alive, then he is gone. that part of the experience bothered my for
awhile.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spent more time with him in his final two years. ihad gone off to
college and gotten involved with this girl with twisted values.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be home when it happened. he died in early september, and i had two
weeks before i had to go back to college.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
being told by people how sorry they were. the formal church goodbye.
having to deal with people when i just wanted to be alone.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
see him again, and say goodbye properly.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sat in my room and cried on and off for three days, staring at a
collage of pictures i put up on the wall.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust for EMT's. there callousness, though necessary, enraged me.
they were talking about a party they had attended while carrying my
grandfather down the stairs.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. christians, in my opinion, are fooling themselves.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right. i would call myself a buddhist, though i belong to no
spiritual community. we all belong to the same 'life force' whatever you
want to call it, and the oneness of life, death, people, nature, the
universe, etc. has vast and unimaginable significance on all of us.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
suffering is inevitable.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
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Wed Jan 29 17:51:34 1997
F40 in Metairie, LA =USA=
Name: Margaret Email: <margbader-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Mental Health Net on their clearinghouse of online surveys.
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Prof/Studies: psychology major
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS.; Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the physical body dies and the spirit goes to a higher place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandmother in Rhode Island died. I was
only affected because my father was upset. Because of the distance we
lived from her, I didn't really know her well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
taking care of him before he died, kissing his face an hour before he
passed on, going to the cremetorium and seeing him in a box with a sheet
around him, turning on the furnace.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
you are going to a different place. It is much harder to watch
someone suffer than to tell them it's okay to go and have their pain
extinguished.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the six weeks before he died. We were best friends for 11 yrs. and
were still able to lauch in the face of adversity. I wouldn't trade them
for anything in the world.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my best-friend's partner and I were eachother's support. I moved in
with them the last six weeks. We'd cry on each- others shoulders
everynight and discussed our feelings.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching someone so strong and full of life waste away to a shell of
the person he was.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
remember laughter. It can be the best thing to keep you going. Also,
discuss dying with them. Don't be afraid to talk about what's happening at
the time.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped. During my fits of anger, I'd go into the bedroom and beat the
pillows. It relieved tension and frustration really well.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to make a decision whether or not to put my friend in a
hospital. I ultimately decided against it. It seemed cruel to have him
connected to machines for the benefit of having him around, when the
person I really knew and loved was already gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter kept me sane!!! We both laughed at some situations. When he
had to use the restroom, he had to have help to walk. One night, his
partner had gone to the airport to pick up his brother, and we fell
together, wedged between the toilet and vanity. We had to wait an hour for
them to get back because his legs were practically useless at this time
and I couldn't pick him up. It was so sad it was funny!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
this is tough! I can't think of anything I would do that would be
different.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with him while he was alive and remembering that in his last lucid
moment we were laughing.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he told me to wear blue to the funeral...that he'd always loved me in
it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
wearing black at a funeral. It depressing enough without looking
around and seeing black. You should be celebrating their life!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the 2nd anniversary of his death was this week. I still cry on his
birthday, decorating his house at Christmas, some- times just because....
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
turn back time and find a cure for AIDS and give it to him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wailed. I found my friend dead after falling asleep for four hours. I
was dumbstruck...I'd checked on him a few hours before and he was still
breathing. In my pain, I screamed and fell to the floor, sobbing
uncontrollably.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hopefulness. His dr. was very supportive and did everything humanly
possible to make him comfortable.
--Regarding MONEY:
dying can be expensive!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being able to turn on the furnace where he was cremated. It sometimes
gives me nightmares because I wonder "what if he wasn't really dead?"
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
that's different for every situation. I couldn't make a generalized
statement.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I took tremendous comfort in knowing he wasn't sick anymore
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know it's going to happen and I'm not afraid of it. I only hope it
won't be soon...I have to graduate!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it was good to think about other aspects of death
other than the physical.
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Wed Jan 29 17:46:40 1997
F16 in San Antonio, TX =U.S.A.=
Name: Melissa Email: <Druidess2-at-juno.com>
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Prof/Studies: Business
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1.5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: anneurism; Aged: 68.
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--Death Is:
the beggining.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not sure what it meant.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great grandfather died of a stroke.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how people that hated him showed up at his funeral because they
thought it was the right thing to do.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the money i inherited that will send me through college.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
meditation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
facing family and friends....
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helped me a lot....
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see the urn before they put it in the ground.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
attend the funeral service.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to cry at the funeral service
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear music that reminds me of him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for about six hours.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of compassion.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot because our Rabbi and congregation was very supportive.
--Regarding MONEY:
we couldn't afford to pay for the funeral services because the
inheritence and insurance was tied up.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when relatives tell you they don't think they will make it much
longer.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i'm not afraid to die...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
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Tue Jan 28 22:52:54 1997
F42 in Dallas, TX =USA=
Name: D Shinder
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
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Prof/Studies: police trainer and writer
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: On Death and Dying
Authors: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: sudden heart attack; Aged: 73.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a separation, loss of someone to whom we've been close in the past.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was devastated, unable to comprehend not having that person around to
talk to, see, and depend on anymore.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Grandmother, with whom I had lived for several
years and who was like a second mother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the suddeness and sense of unfinished business, of not being able to
say goodbye. Lack of closure.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to talk about our fears and uncertainties, to let one another grieve
as much as we want; to not try so hard to "be brave" and "get over it"
because we think or others tell us that it's time to do so.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the appreciation for the time that we did have together, and a
sharper awareness of the gift of life and more conscious appreciation of
those I love who are still here.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the thoughts of the closeness that my father and I had shared
recently just prior to his death, that he got to do some things he had
always wanted to do, in terms of traveling, and knowing that I was moving
back to our hometown and would be close to my mother and able to help take
care of her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
guilt about differences we'd had, about not recognizing that he might
be ill, about things not said and love not verbally expressed.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
wasn't able to be there, but the one thing I would guess would be
important would be just to BE there, which would take courage, but to let
the person know that you love them, and to put your own feelings, fears,
guilts, and grief aside for just that short while and focus on the person
and his/her feelings and needs.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
to never take for granted those you care about, to never put off
telling them how much you care about them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it happened so suddenly, without warning. I always thought there
would be time for "resolution," a gradual letting-go, like a period of
hospitalization or sickness in which both the dying person and those
around could prepare for the end.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
after the many, many tears, there were just no more left, and yet the
emotions had to be expressed somehow.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye, tell him just one more time that I loved him, and thank
him for all that he did for me all my life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend the time traveling with him the month before, and that I was
able to know that he didn't suffer any longterm pain.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
so many people around expressed so much kindness, people who were not
obligated to do so, even strangers.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral arrangements, such as what kind of casket to get, or who
sent flowers and who didn't.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of the last time that I saw him, or when I see or hear
something that would interest him and I still think, "I need to call Daddy
up and tell him about this" before I remember that I can't.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
turn back time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was very angry -- at myself for not being nicer the last time I
talked to him, at him for not telling us that he was ill, but mostly at
"the fates" for the unfairness of it, for taking him away at that point in
time before I got to say goodbye.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there was really no medical involvement, as his death was sudden and
didn't involve doctors or hospitals. I'm glad it was like that, as I
believe he would prefer to be at home, not in some institutional setting
where someone else had control over his body.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little, although my own personal religious beliefs and prayers
were a comfort to me, I received little benefit from the preachers and
religious services, other than that I knew they were comforting to my
mother.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Yes, it is a common bond and does impart a sense of universality, of
equality, in that no matter how rich or poor, no matter the race, gender,
education or intellectual level, status, etc, in the end we all come to
basically the SAME end.
--Regarding MONEY:
I felt that my dad would not want my mom to spend a lot of money on
the coffin, funeral etc but would want her to keep as much as possible to
take care of herself, and yet I also felt that because I wanted her not to
spend so much, that some people--maybe even she -- would think that I
didn't care about him, because I didn't want to spend any more than
necessary on those things.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
accepting the reality that he wasn't going to be there anymore, that
I couldn't pick up the phone and call him to say hello or ask for his
help, that I was in many ways alone, or rather that the "mantle had been
passed" to me to be the one responsible for taking care of everyone,
because he was the only one that I had ever been able to depend on or
could ask or expect to take care of me or know would be able to help me if
I needed help.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
In hindsight I know there were signs that he wasn't well, and he
wasn't "himself" at times in the last weeks of his life, seemed "somewhere
else" a lot, and not able to do simple things that he had always had no
trouble doing before.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it took longer (is taking longer) than it's "supposed" to. Even four
months later, I still wake up in the middle of the night and think about
him and cry. And yet I feel guilty sometimes that I got "over" it as much
as I did, as quickly as I did, that life goes on, and that I can't DO
anything about it, to make it different, to make it not have happened.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I wasn't present, and just don't know.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Many times, though not as often as I used to. As a child and
teenager it was a question that bothered me a lot; I worried over it; I
hated not knowing. I came to accept it at some point in my 20s, to accept
my inability to know what to expect until it happens, but more importantly
I stopped viewing it as The Enemy and started to see it as just a part of
life -- this after becoming a police officer, actually seeing people die,
realizing that it is a natural part of life that will happen to us all and
even though I don't want to let go or be separated from those I love, that
when it comes at the end of a long, full life as it should, it really
isn't a feared or horrifying thing but that to many it is almost a welcome
friend who's come to rescue them from the very exhausting task of living
and let them rest.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It aroused many feelings, and in doing so provided an opportunity to
further work through those feelings. I don't think there will ever be a
time when I don't feel these things in regard to the loss of my father,
who was a part of my life for over forty years, the constant that was
there ALL my life, until a few months ago. But I do know that time will
dull the pain even if it doesn't take it away.
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Tue Jan 28 18:09:15 1997
F28 in Euless, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searched for surveys and clicked on psychological
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Prof/Studies: HOMEMAKER
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Nephew, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my grandfather. I was very close to him.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the shock of the action that created it. It was the first time that
I had ever been exposed to a murder of someone that I knew. I also
remember all of the people that came to the funeral. There were so many
people that they were filling every available space in the church. I had
never seen that many people at a funeral in my life. Only when Jackie
Kennedy died have I ever seen that many on TV.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief in God and the Angels. I know that he is in a better
place. He is in heaven, where he fits in much better than he ever did on
earth. He was such a good and kind person to everyone he ever met.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that it was caused by another human being. I find it very
hard to comprehend that someone could do this. It also enraged me that
someone that has killed 2 people has all but gotten away with it. Only
because it took so long for the case to get to trial.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first found out about it. It took me almost three days to finally
believe it was true. I didn't truly believe until I saw the body in the
funeral home. The entire time between when I found out and the time I
believed I was waiting for someone to tell us that there was a mistake.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried so hard and for so long that my sister was wondering if I was
going to be OK. I cried almost constantly for the next 2 days. I was so
angry at the killer and at myself because I was just starting to have a
good relationship with him.
--Regarding MONEY:
money came from everyone who had ever known him. My sister recieved
money from people she didn't even know, large contributions.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
There weren't many questions that I could answer. I think that in
today's society, with gang slayings and all of the murders that you should
address that point of view also. I don't think that enought people care
about what goes on when someone you know gets murdered.
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Tue Jan 28 16:59:35 1997
M29 in Gloversville, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
via general psychology search
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the termination of our physical life. The lifeforce is absent from
the body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I didn't really understand. It was a relative I wasn't super close
to, and I was young.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My dad's father died in '74. I recall a
summer morning, coloring on a picnic table. My mom came and told me my
grandfather had died. I remember being somewhat intrigued that someone I
knew had died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How strongly it affected me. I had deep feelings for the individual
that I didn't even realize I had. I remember being terrified of one of
those "after death" visits, where a relative visits you one last time. I
had nothing to fear, but I felt tha t I just couldn't handle it. I also
remember how, before my granfather died, I couldn't be near him for long
without crying. After he died, I had a hard time letting those tears out.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To respect the rights of the dying by giving them a choice to end
their own suffering.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandfather (a generally stoic man) telling me he loved me shortly
before he died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The family. I've probably not felt closer to my family since that
time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The absence. For months I dreamed he was alive. I still think I see
him every so often.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't try or pretend you understand what they're going through. Just
support them in being.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When others who are close to the deceased person "shut me out", as if
"How dare you try to understand!"
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with my grandfather.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
rely on the support of dear friends.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what a major pain-in-the-ass funerals are. Not to sound blunt, but
they are an inconvenience to one's emotions; a roller-coaster ride you
didn't want to take.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm tired and reminiscing about the person
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Deal with the emotions.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to deal with it as soon as possible; to work through the
feelings quickly
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Mild incompetence. First he was negative for cancer (whew!), then
they decided positive!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A common culture sort of thing. A security.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like one of the most important aspects of the process for the
survivors
--Regarding MONEY:
In one situation it caused estrangement of a family member who wanted
to know what his share of things was, but didn't want to help pay for the
funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Fear of paranormal encounters with the spirit of the deceased.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
??????????
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It's a roller-coaster ride, definitely not like in text books.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It happened to one of my uncles upon the death of his uncle. I
expect it sometimes, but it never has happened to me personally.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
As a 29 year old, I don't think of it much. I suspect this will
change as I get older.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Youth: I really didn't understand.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Moderate to good!
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Tue Jan 28 16:12:23 1997
F16 in San Diego, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student/Model
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driver; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your human body (your shell, if you will) is no longer
functional, and only your spirit remains...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8, and had a lot of problems with it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died, and I lived with him and
my grandmother. I took it really badly... I didn't eat for 2 weeks and was
basically a hermit for like a month.. It was really tough.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
when my friend Noelle died a year ago, it was really really sad. She
was only 17. We still plant flowers at the corner she was killed and have
ribbons tied around the tree. I really miss her.. She was a dynamic
person. The whole school was in mournin g when she died, even people that
didn't really know her that well, or at all really. It was a pretty
difficult time.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
learning to let go... I know a lot of people are stuck on the past,
and they don't really know how to let go and go on with their lives...
Many people need to realize that yes, although it may not seem like it,
life goes on...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My best friend Steve, and the clergy at my church...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
A) Accepting it
B) Being a Christian , forgiving her killer
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Let her know just how much I truly loved her and valued her
friendship... About a week before Noelle died, we had a big fight, and I
never really apologized.. I'm really sorry about that.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Especially when I go to the corner where she was killed, either just
to remember or to take care of the flowers or tie new ribbons.... It's
hard.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became deeply saddened by the fact that she would no longer be there
for me to confide in and just be friends with. I used to call her every
day, and we hung out all the time. We were practically best friends. She
was a big part of my life. It was ha rd to accept that she wouldn't be
there for me anymore and that there was nothing that I could do for her...
That she was truly gone.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
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Mon Jan 27 05:02:02 1997
M37 in Eugene, OR =USA=
Name: Bill Email: <BillIng-at-llx.com>
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Prof/Studies: Counselor / Writer
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 35.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the point at which we move from the state of active participation in
this Earthly plane to a point of passive observation, or perhaps spiritual
participation here. At the same time, however, there opens another plance
of existence on which we then begin our new journey, carrying with us the
pieces we've gleaned here from this one.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young. It didn't much affect me because it was a woman who
was a friend of the family and yet not a part of us. She was very old, so
we all knew it was coming. I was unaffected mostly because it was
expected.
Only a couple months later, though, one of my teachers was
murdered in a nightclub by a gunshot in the face when he was trying to
break up a fight between two other patrons. This death was quite
traumatic for me, and I had a lot of trouble really understanding it or
getting to a point of peace with it because my parents didn't want me to
go to the funeral. Knowing what I know now, I really think I should have
gone, so as to help with the early stages of grief.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was there was a woman who was a friend of our family
who died at a very advanced age... something like 95 or so. So she was
clearly aware that her time was coming, and so were we. No real
surprises.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
RE: the first death... my teacher... That really affected lots of us
pretty strongly, because he was our teacher and we definitely noticed his
absence. We all just kind of milled around for a few days in disbelief,
and the school (he was a 7th grade teacher) was in a kind of state of
shock for a good while. Nobody really took the initiative to actually
help us all deal with things.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that children need to be able to deal with death, too. They
shouldn't be kept away from funerals and ceremonies just because the
adults don't want to deal with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
people can really be brought together by a death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
other people present at the death watch.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing when to take hold of my own life again, and when to just let
things slide. I really wanted to be there for my friend, and I did so
quite at my own life & business's peril!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't pay attention to what everyone is trying NOT to say. Pay
attention to what the dying person is trying to say, or is saying, or
doing. Pretty much you can just write off a large majority of the way
other people not affected by the death deal with things. They can be
pretty insensitive at times, and in the long run, it's not their time. So
don't worry about it.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can be of assistance to others in similar shoes.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it was all over and there wasn't any specific thing which needed so
strong an attention from me any more. I was sort of like a person without
a cause after all of that!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it can be just hilarious sometimes. I know it can sound to some
people like sacrilege or something, but when the 'little moments' of the
death and dying process just creep up on us and show themselves so
perfectly in their humor, what are we supposed to do? Pretend they're not
funny? I'm sure even my friend would have had a good laugh with us,
though he was kind of out of it by then.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
publish his life's work. I asked him exactly that only a couple
years before, but he refused and said "What, do you think I'm DYING or
something? I've still got time left here, and I don't need to be thinking
that far ahead yet."
But then, when he was much closer to death... like about a week
away, he said to me, "Do you remember when you were going to publish my
'life's work'? I wish you would have pushed me a little harder on that.
I really appreicated you saying you would do that, but I just didn't yet
want to have to think about it so intently!"
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
pull it off being so helpful! :-)
Things went extremely well, actually, and I was so glad to be able to be
so strongly of assistance to the family of my dear friend. They didn't
hardly even know me, but in the course of the extended period I was there
with them all as he died, we all got to know one another quite intimately!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
all the little glowing things appeared at night. I sat up many a
night with my friend, reading to him, talking with him, listening with
him, and just hanging out. I was impressed at all the 'etheric lights'
which accompanied us, though I imagine many people would think I was
'seeing things' or 'over-tired' whatever.
Truth is, however, I'm a natural night-type-person, and wasn't the
slightest bit altered by sitting up nights. I was definitely impressed,
though, with the multiple light shows as his death approached. He talked
with some of the lights, and others seemed not to notice.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the supposed necessity to be somber and serious. We (I and his
immediate familly) really had a couple months' soujourn there with my
friend as we sat our DeathWatch vigil and set out to make him as
comfortable and safe and secure as possible. We did it with great
attention to his special desires, but with next to no attention to what
was 'supposed' to be the right / serious / protocol / somber way to do
things.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see someone who reminds me of him. I saw a street-person the other
day whose eyes looked EXACTLY like my friend's. When this guy walked up
to ask me for money, he probably wondered who that strange fellow was in
there inside of me, and why I was smiling at him. I gladly bought him
dinner because I was just very nice to be able to again look into those
friendly smiling eyes I hadn't seen in this last couple years since my
friend died....
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
... not really applicable. AOK at this point.
Was pretty hard there for a few weeks, though, and at that point,
I would haave said; "Why can't I just beam on over to that Other Side
myself?" I was ready.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Actually, I was right there. So it wasn't any surprise. I think I
realized it clearly and perceptively from the moment I entered into his
presence.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
relative disdain. Not real impressed with the way they seem to
interpret their hypocritical oath. (Yes, I know it's not called that, but
perhaps they could change the name to make it more appropriate.) Money
seems to be a higher calling to the Medical Community than Quality of Life
and Death.
The hospice people were pretty good, but the medical ones ... Ugh!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not a whole lot. Nothing against it, but it just wasn't a major
issue with us. There was a priest present at the end, but he wasn't an
overbearing or over-zealous type. He was pretty much just another of us.
We had a good perspective on the whole picture, I think.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
definitely applicable to what we felt. Meaningful connection meant
something for us.
--Regarding MONEY:
As I said, the Medical Community seemed a little hypocritical as to
its priorities. Otherwise, money was pretty much a non-issue.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how my life was so much better put together after the fact. It seems
that going into that death, I was much more of a general basket case than
coming out of it... which may seem to some to be a little backwards. But
it's true. SOmetimes death has quite a strong unifying power.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I'll let someone else do these...
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
ditto
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Certainly we had this happen. Several of us in attendance happened
upon the 'visitations' or whatever you'd like to call them. They were
primarily in the form of 'dancing lights' and that kind of thing. Odd
wispy objects in the air, whose shape changed and altered many times.
What seemed a little odd is that we (those of us on THIS side, as compared
to my dying friend and his crew on that OTHER SIDE) seemed sometimes to
have perhaps different views of the 'entities'. Because he would mention
things which we didn't see at all, and yet wouldn't seem to be affected by
things which we all saw. So I dont' know... I guess it's kindof like the
verdict's still out as to what's what. But definitely there's SOMETHING
out there! And it's pleasantly interesting; nothing to be afraid of, in
our experience.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Oh, yes... Lots to say, but what needs to be said? I could just say
that I've twice had 'near-death' experiences because of accidents, and
since then have come to accept a whole different array of what is possible
and what is 'real'. I don't fear death in the least these days. When I
was young, like I said above, when in 7th grade, my teacher was killed, I
was not really very eager to deal with death. But when I had these
out-of-body experiences during/after my accidents, that really changed the
way I look at things.
Death will come when death will come. And I shall be ready, if possible.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Lack of awareness as to what was happening.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Actually, I was able to re-visit a part of death in my past that I
didn't hardly remember was there! So it was quite useful for that!
Thanks
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Mon Jan 27 03:00:59 1997
Name: Gary A. Yost Email: <gyost-at-juno.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Psychology professor browsing on Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Counselor / Psychology professor
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Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: Lindeman, Kubler-Ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of a new and beautiful state of being. It is escaping
the limitations of this body and feeling the freedom to be with God in a
personal and unhindered manner.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a child, and learned how to deal witht he experience by watching
the reactions of my father and mother.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great grandmother was 94 years old, living
in a nursing home, and had had failing health for a number of years. She
died late one evening. I can remember our family receiving the phone call
and my father leaving to accompa ny the funeral director to get the body.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I really don't remember much. I did find it ironic that the mourners
were able to laugh and seemingly enjoy renewing acquaintences at such a
somber occasion.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is universal. It is a part of living, and not the end of life.
Our grief is because we are at a loss, not the disceased.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have had three cardio-pulmanary arrests, and a near fatal blood
disorder. I have learned to face my own mortality, and to appreciate, and
relish each day of life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a system of faith which affirms life after death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
a feeling of being disconnected from my heritage. I have (even
though married and a grandparent) felt alone and unable to contact those
upon whom I depended for advice and assistance.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to continue verbal and physical expressions of love. Fight the
temptation to pull away, and emotionally separate yourself from the
terminally ill, or injured. It can reduce the amount of guilt experienced
in the grief process.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have gotten to be with my father and mother while they were still
concious. Living 1200 miles away, made it necessary to travel to be with
them at the point of their heart attackes, and when I arrived they were
unconsicious. I would have liked to r eafirm my love for them once more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with other family members at the time of these deaths.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
leaving the ICU unit, I met a Pastor in the waiting room, who was
able to offer his presence as a gesture of comfort. Words could not ease
the pain, but just knowing that a representative of God was there made the
experience somehow easier.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
People often think that they have to SAY something, when just their
presence is sufficient for the occasion. Often, in an effort to say
something comforting, people stumble all over themselves and say things
that offend and hurt. Just the presence is sufficient to indicate the
fact that the disceased had left an impression on their lives too.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I experience anniversaries of important dates, like birthdays,
Christmas, or the date of the death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
stepped into a role of leadership in the family and made funeral
arrangements for my father, and my mother.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratefulness to the medical staff for their ability to allow us to
handle the death in our own way. To gather at the bedside of the
disceased and prayerfully thank God for the life that He had shared with
us.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort, hope, peace, assurance.
--Regarding MONEY:
it seemed awkward to talk about something so insignificant at such a
momenous time. To have to consider the cost of funeral arrangements, and
other issues seemed rather insignificant.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
this would depend on the cause of death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
knowing the stages of the grief process made the pain of loosing the
loved one so much more bearable. I realized that I was in pain, but that
the pain was normal, and that I wasn't "going crazy."
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not applicable.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
As a minister, I have officiated at many funerals which I beileve has
made me aware of my own mortality. As stated earlier, I have had three
cardio-pulminary arrests as the result of an allergy. I am aware that if
in contact with the alergin, witho ut immediate medical attention, I will
have less than one hour to live. In addition, I experienced a life
threatening blood disorder. At that time my wife and I were brought to
the point of talking about funeral arrangements in the hospital. I think
that my faith in a personal savior, Jesus Christ, has assisted me as I
have experienced these times. These times have made me much more
appreciative of life, and each day is a grand adventure.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Sat Jan 25 18:36:41 1997
M48 in Swartz Creek, Michigan =USA=
Name: Donald Allen Email: <donallen-at-tir.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Doing research for Death and Dying class
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Prof/Studies: Industrial construction management
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The passing of our souls/spirits from the imortal flesh and bone
stucture that we inhabit, to a greater and more peaceful life, that we
might continue God's work.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was confussed by all the emotional upheaval with-in my family,
especially my mother.At the time, I was only three years old, but I
remember that part. The military cerimony was performed in a terintial
down-pour. After the twenty one gun salute and the flag was folded and
given to my mother, I don't recall any of the events of that day. However,
that little movie plays in my mind from time to time, with incredible
accuracy, as my family would say.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was..my brother was killed in the Korean conflict,and
was sent home for burial.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
See above.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Everyone should get more involved in the dying process, and not to be
affraid to discuss it with anyone,especially the friend or loved one with
whom death is approaching soon.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I had the oportunity to pray with my sister and her minister a few
weeks before she passed away. This seemed to remove all fear of death,
from which I may have been a prisoner in the past.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My faith in God. Too many people, friends and family alike, think of
death as taboo, or think of it as just another event. Some think it is
something that you can go home and forget like a football game. In some
cases, these people have not lost a dear friend or a beloved family
member. However, they will see!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to say good bye. I was ten years old, and I'm sure my
family meant well by trying to protect me, but that is wrong to lie to a
child about his mother. For years, I was angry at them all, and told them
so, but they are forgiven.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't just be there, let them know that you are "really there".
Converse with them, ask them questions about what is going on. Always ask
permission first of course, about what questions they feel comfortable in
answering, and incourage them to discuss how they are feeling about their
present situation.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Was able to express my feelings with anyone, and for the first time,
was comfortable in doing so.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found out that my mother was not coming home from the hospital.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To say good bye to my mother and to thank her for all she had done
for me in the short time we had together.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be comforted by my family.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Every few years, at family gatherings when photos are taken, I
realize that our group is slowly shrinking. My family consisted of twelve
boys and two girls. There are now only seven brothers and one sister left.
We are soon to lose another brother to asbestos lung cancer.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
predict who's next.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Was devistated.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Dismay! I can't help but feel that there are means to prevent many
types of cancer that are being with held, all in the name of "money"!
GREED!!!!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Later in years, it helped me to be comfortable in knowing that death
is indeed a part of life.
--Regarding MONEY:
Never thought much about it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Ufortunately, I have not had the oportunity to experience the last
moments of the dying process.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
The lose of any of my family and/or close friends always affects me
emotionally when I discuss it. Sometimes it even affects me by just
thinking about them.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Never have but would like to.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Over the last ten years I have completely come to grips with this
intire issue. I have thought about it allot,concerning several
circumstances. I still have not prepared all the necessary details to
releave my loved ones of the burden of my internment. However, I am fully
prepared as a willing soul to depart any time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Have experienced several deathes of family and friends since.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
I was ten years old when my mother died of cancer,family didn't tell
me that she wouldn't be coming home until she was in a coma.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I can't help but feel that this questionnaire would raise interst in
anyone who even attempts to complete it. I think when people can allow
themselves to become curious, they might very well feel more comfortable
with the whole process.
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Sat Jan 25 10:41:16 1997
M19 in Baton Rouge, LA =USA=
Email: <balessi-at-linknet.net>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Computer Engineering
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Blockage; Aged: 63.
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--Death Is:
the ceasing of all bodily functions and of consciousness as we know
it, leading to either a new consciousness or oblivion
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
consoled my mother
--That first time, how it happened was
My aunt passed away
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My mother breaking down in tears and having to console her as if I
were someone stronger, wiser, older (I was 7)
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We treat it as some non-present thing and try our best to ignore it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing the grief of my other family members
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I look at it logically, and I see no reason to fear, but regardless I
feel consumed by fear at times. I wish very much that I will die past 50.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Too young to really affect
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? What was it
Nothing really
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Well, I feel almost sociopathic in reflection on how little the
deaths of others have affected me. Also grateful that I have lost no one
in my immediate family or any friends.
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Fri Jan 24 17:32:46 1997
F17 in Sydney, NSW =Australia=
Name: Karen
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Uni Student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Bible
Authors: God!
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Old Age/Illness; Aged: 84.
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--Death Is:
End of existance on this earth but the soul passes on to live in
eternity in Heaven (good) or Hell (terrible)
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was indifferent
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandmother was dying. One day I came home
and as soon as I entered the front door I knew she was dead
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
solemn feelings
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not the end. You have a choice to make about how you will
spend eternity
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know that one day I will see my Grandma again
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Knowledge of God, heaven and the promise of everlasting life
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The grief of others. I felt pain for them
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I knew a man dying of cancer. In his last minutes on this earth he
was having conversations with his wife, and with Jesus at the same time
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
Family was very supportive for one another
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
Not much, otherwise
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Fri Jan 24 16:43:00 1997
F23 in San Jose, CA =USA=
Name: Kerry Brodt Email: <darklily-at-netcom.com>
Web: http://WWW.netcom.com/~darklily
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Yahoo, psychological tests
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Prof/Studies: Technical Support Developper
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 4/5 months ago.
Cause of Death: degenerative diabetes effects; Aged: 64.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
merely a stepping stone to an unknown future to the individual
dying. To the living left, its loss, anger, guilt, memories and
nostalgia. It is without question the most painful experience
any human can go through. However, if the people left use
their memories well, the departed will never be forgotten
and never truly dead. For they will last in our minds and hearts.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was barely touched by it. It was an alien concept to me.
I'd lost pets, and cried over them, but had come to understand
it was a part of life. It can happen at any time.
--That first time, how it happened was
MY grandmother on my father's side was killed in an accident
due to a drunk driver. I had only met this grandmother a few times, so
I didn't feel incredibly strongly. I learned more through
my father's reactions. He was now an orphan and cried many times.
We also had to travel to the US (from Scotland).
Far too many deaths in my close family have been when I've
been in a different country from the relative.
This was not the death that affected me the most.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my father's pain.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
NOT TO FEEL GUILT. I prepared for my mother's deatn before she died.
Maybe I was doing this for years in advance. I'm not sure.
Maybe I just watched and listened to others who had lost relatives.
Every single one of them felt extreme guilt at not saying/doing/helping etc.
Nothing was more essential in dealing with my mother's upcoming death
than to resolve all issues with her. All the important ones.
I know its not easy when you lose someone without knowing beforehand. But
if rationally you can sit back and see that all interactions
were normal, and there is no reason for guilt, death would be all the
easier to deal with.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my mother died, I had to get together $1500 and a plane ticket
to go back to Scotland (actually, I was preparing for her death, she died
two hours before I got on the plane), there was only my father and I to
grieve initially. I was my father's only child and my mother's fifth. Her
death brought my father and I closer. We no longer have to worry about the
arguements we want to have disturbing her. We're no longer in a triangle
situation. It may seem harsh, but my relationship with my father is far
better after my mother's death than beforehand. I'd expected this. I know
my father needs me more than ever before and I am only too happy to be at
the other end of the phone for him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the memories brought up about my mother, learning more about her.
Coming across her old poetry. Being able to cry when I needed
to and feeling no shame.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I never saw her before she died. Its probably good since she'd
deteriorated in health a great deal. I get to remember her as she was when
she was well in the summer of '95. I think the hardest thing I'll deal
with though is knowing my mother will have never met my fiance, will never
see any children I have.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I can't think of anything more scary than being alone.
So, knowing you're dying, not knowing what (if anything)
lies ahead, having someone/thing you know around can
at least be a hand-holding.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was far more cool headed than I thought I was capable of.
I had a journey ahead of me when I learned of my mother's
death, and I hardly cried. I kept it together. I talked
things over in my head and carried my shoulders high to
help my father, who needed me more than anyone else.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Other people talk about God. I can't believe in a so called
'god' who takes loving, wonderful people in the most painful
way possible and its 'because its for the best'. Bull.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a natural release. Plus, humans can almost always see
some humour. Rationally however, laughted can just be a way to express
the excess anger/rage/whatever inside.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have spent time with my mother in the year before she died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep my head together
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I find many people who lose a relative suffering from
long term illness feel guilt over the relief they feel.
They think they're alone. Its natural.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
people around don't want to talk about the death, they think its
important to avoid the topic. WRONG. Talk about it.
It helps the pained.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear some old Irish music (she was half irish and loved the music).
Or when I see a baby and its grandmother.
When I (frack, I'm crying now) can remember the way she
smelled, the smoothness of her skin, the silly things she
did that I would be embarrassed by (that were really cool).
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
have given her more healthy comfortable years.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt empty.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Doctor's are too limited by current medicine.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My father felt comfort. Nothing for me.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
my father and I talked for many hours about our feelings on spirituality.
On my mother's spirituality. I feel that when we lose someone
we love, we tap into a common human ribbon of something (the greater human
subconscious?). In the same thread. My mother's not dead, she's
just walking on different shores now, and will never be forgotten.
--Regarding MONEY:
GAH. Every way, having to borrow $1500 from a friend
because my banks wouldn't lend me it. I still haven't paid
it back. Costs are rediculous. Credit is bull.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
almost bursting into laughter when I saw my mother's body
in her casket. Her lips were pursed in a peculiar way.
It wasn't her, but at the same time it was. Then I burst into
tears.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Dunno.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
um.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Who knows if its anything, but minutes after I learned of my mother's
death 6000 miles away, I was in the restroom of SF Airport. I'd locked the
door, done my business, and as I was standing, the door started swinging
open. It's the silly kind of thing my mum would have done.
A number of months before my mother died, when she was lucid
enough, I asked her to 'visit' me after she had died (morbid, but we all
found it better to talk about things) . She said she would and proceeded
to mumble something about throwing digestive biscuits at me (she loves
those cookies). So far, no throw ectoplasmic biscuits.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yup. My mum was diagnosed diabetic in her late forties. I was at 16.
I don't take great care of myself. I'll probably die young. It hurts. But
I'm not scared of death, unless its like my mother's where its long and
drawn out and I lose sense at times.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I was too young to fully comprehend.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
With all death's except for my mother's, I feel as if I was too
detached, either not 'close' enough to the person to feel as if I was
allowed feelings (like seeing a now ex boyfriend's dead father minutes
after he died - shocking me, but the family w as in need) or because I
felt 'cold' about the event.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Good. Though some of the questions might have been phrased a little
differently to clarify.
I hope I've helped. I think I've dealt with my mother's death very
well.
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Fri Jan 24 13:18:32 1997
F26 in Seattle, Washington =USA=
Name: Jennifer Bannister Email: <jbefit-at-u.washington.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology Undergrad
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: We read books on the death experience: Life after Death,
Near death experinces, etc. To more fully understand where the 'person' goes.
Authors: Betty Eadie really helped my Dad.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: general health issues, sudden pneumonia which resulted in
a heart attack and then stroke; Aged: 68.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing from one type of existence to another. In this existence we
have bodies and deal with issues involving those bodies: money for
clothing and food, relaxation, families, etc. After this existence we go
to a different place. I don't know what we experience there, but I thinkit
will be very different, better in some ways, maybe worse in some ways than
this life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and it scared me. I had not realized the impermenance of
this existence.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a car accident involving an older lady in our
parish. we had seen her the day before. A large semi ran into her car at
the end of her own driveway, instantly killing her and her friend. It was
pretty traumatic for me. I was about 5 1/2.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the shock that we all felt.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the natural ness of it. Everything dies and it shoul dbe viewed more
as part of the process of life on agrander scale rather than a tragedy.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the feeling of peace I received after my brother's suicide last year.
I was able to reconcile his death with my joy of life in a positive way. I
was also able to prioritize my life differently and more efficiently.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend, my friends, and my parents. Paul has a been a wonderful
friend to me through this whole process. HE understood that I would heal
at my own pace and gave me the needed support to do that, whether it was
to cook for me, to give me space, to hold me, to listen to me, to let me
cry. My best friends have done the sam ething, but on a smaller scale. And
my parents have encouraged me to talk abou tmy feelings. I stayed wiht
them for the quarter thta Jimmy died, to help them get through the los s
and they supported me financially through this.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss of a future together. I will really miss my brother and my
Grandmother at my college graduation this June. I willl miss the fact that
my children will never have cousins. That is the saddest for my future
right now.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It had first occurred. I could not really understand that Jimmy was
never going to be there again. I couldn't understand why, either, though
that came later.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
we laughed a lot at Jimmy' sfuneral, but it wasn' tthe nervous
laughter. My brother was afunny child and we sat around telling stories
about him. We cried when we remembered the sadness in his life and we
laughed when we remembered the joy. It was a natural part of remembering
him. For example, my parents and I were in the funeral home wiht the open
casket waiting for the family to arrive and the Muzak was playing. I was
looking at Jimmy's body and all of the sudden Frank Sinatra's "I did it my
way" came on. Try not to laugh at that when you're at the funeral home for
a suicide victim. It was funny!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my brother before he did it. I called him, but he wasn't home.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to stay with my parents after Jimmy's death. I think taking care of
them really helped all of us. I am glad that I was able to take that time
off.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
formality at the funeral. Most of the people there, including my Dad
wore jeans. Jimmy was in a beautiful shirt and jeans that he had worn to
my Parent's anniversary party earlier that year. It was fitting that he
wasn't buried in a suit. Yuck!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I don't believe that I will ever 'get over' this death. I am able to
function and have a full ife, but there are certainly times that I miss
him, and I will continue to do so.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
join a convent and not worry about the pressures of life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in shock for a while. I had problems adjusting when I came home
from my parents. I went inot group grief counseling, individual therapy
and drug intervention. I also am a Psych major. I think that wiht my
strong support network ,really helped me to mve forward. No, to move
laterally and choose a different path for my life, because I do feel that
that is what really happened.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
In my grandmother's case, her doctor was wonderful. He really
involved us in the decision-making process.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am a Christian; I go to church regularly and my experiences with
Death have made my faith stronger and more personal than before.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am glad that I will eventually die. I have many things to
accmoplish in life, but immortality is a truly frightening though.
Annie Lennox: dying is easy, it's the living that scares me to death.
I feel that way. I am excited about knowing what is on the other side!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I have experienced a number of deaths since then: my brother
committed suicide, my Grandmother recently died suddenly...I have gone to
counseling, turned more to the church, taken anti-depressants. I have a
great network of support from my friends and family.
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Thu Jan 23 22:17:24 1997
F34 in Milford, Massachusetts =USA=
Email: <jbrown-at-kersur.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: freelance writer
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: A Grief Observed, A Severe Mercy,
Authors: C.S. Lewis
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Son, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: SIDS; Aged: 3 Months.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the physical body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not aware that it was even real
--That first time, how it happened was
killed a cat by stomping on its head -- it was an accident, I was
trying to make it run. It lapsed into a coma and took a week to die,
during which I kept a vigil.
When my great grandfather died in that same time-frame, it wasn't
real. We giggled at the funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my grandfather was critical of us because we didn't know how to act
at the funeral.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That we need to nurture relationships all our lives so that when
someone close dies, we can support one another. Also, that we are able to
maintain intimacy with a person who is slowly dying.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my son died, I was afraid at the shallowness of life and I knew
there was no reason to live if there wasn't something more and eternal. I
prayed to God to show Himself to me if He was really there, and He did.
Even in my sorrow, there was an i ndescribable joy and comfort.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God, who met me in quiet places
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I had been so careless about my relationship w/my son and so
distracted -- "there will be time later to focus on him" -- and then he
died so suddenly, and for several years, until I had another baby, I had
an emptiness because my arms and heart antic ipated a baby growing up but
that process was aborted.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to be sustained and find hope, to know that it would be OK,
through the miracle of God's grace
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When the baby died, death was there, and it wasn't something as
simple as the absence of life. It wasn't like a hole, it was more like a
brick wall. The inevitable question it made me ask was "what's the
point?" about life, about striving and worki ng, about hoping and
dreaming.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sorry, didn't even come close to wanting to laugh during that time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him, to have responded to him more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
the baby died while my ex and I were stationed in Germany w/the Army.
They offered us the chance to transfer stateside immediately. I said I
was going, even tho my ex protested. It was the first time I stood up to
him and did what I wanted, it was the beginning of freedom from his
tyranny. I guess I figured the worst thing had happened, so what could he
do to me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
a friend heard about the baby through the post grapevine, and she
left work and immediately came to my house, just to be there.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that people thought they had to say just the right thing, and they
would stand there awkward and looking at me, afraid to speak. There was
no right or wrong thing, any expression of sympathy or sorrow was
incredibly comforting.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
crying for the loss of the baby comes at odd times, usually when I go
through a period of emotional growth. It's as if a new part of me comes
alive and right off, it mourns.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
stopped mentally groping to know where my son was, in a here-and-now
physical sense (not where he might be eternally). Like I do with my kids
now, I would do a sort of mental check, "where is he? in bed, in the
living room?" and then I would realize I was trying to wrap my mind around
a reality that no longer existed. It was horrible.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
indifference
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We were catholics, and the church didn't know what to do with us.
they were probably more awkward about knowing what to say than anyone else
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The only "spirituality" I felt was that I needed desperately to be
comforted, and I risked asking God if He existed and wholeheartedly waited
for an answer.
--Regarding MONEY:
wasn't an issue -- the army paid most of the bill.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
phantom crying -- at night, when I was going to sleep, sometimes I
would hear a cry. I guess it's normal, but it really freaked me out that
my mind would play such a horrible trick on me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
The night before my grandmother died, I was in bed, unable to sleep.
I felt a nudging to get up and pray for her. So I prayed for some time,
alert to the impressions that were going through my mind. I got a sense
of her room being flooded with light, and of a messenger coming to her to
take away her fear. Then I heard in my head, "It is finished"
We didn't know she was going to die. She was in a nursing home,
not healthy, but not close to death either. The next morning, around 10
a.m., she died, unexpectedly. I am convinced that she was visited by an
angel the night before, and he filled her heart with expectancy for the
life beyond.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know when I die, it will mean, as the Bible says, a great wedding
feast--the ultimate party. While I fear how I might die, that it might be
terrifying or painful, I have no fear of death itself because I know that
it means the end of the sorrows a nd trials I face and reuniting with many
people that I love. And I will see Jesus as He really is. I get excited
about that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
first, w/the cat, it was my fault
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was ok, but it confused me in places -- I didn't know if I was
supposed to focus on one death, or draw from all my experiences with
people close to me dying. I did the best I could
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Thu Jan 23 16:05:10 1997
M21 in Oxford, =UK=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Philosophy and Psychology
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The World as Will and Idea, L'Etranger, Nausea
Authors: Schopenhauer, Camus, Sartre
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the natural end of life; the moment when your existence ends, or, as
some believe, the afterlife begins.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
realised that our time on earth is finite, it will end eventually.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandather, and the realisation that everything
has a natural end.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my father asking what the matter was, for I was thinking and not
crying.
--What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to think about it for yourself, and not to take anyone else's word as
truth, for you must make your own philosophy about death, so that you may
come to terms with it by yourself.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
making me think
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
existentialist philosophy
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the coming to terms that things have changed, and it would never be
the same again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to reiterate whatever they believe in, even if you don't believe it
yourself. Allow them to come to terms with it, to accept it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk a little more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have access to a large library.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the person accepts the fact that he is going to pass away, and tries
to put his affairs in order before he went.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having a priest.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am suddenly aware of echoes from the past, when something brings up
old memories.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sat down and wrote about the days that had passed, for it was never
going to be the same again, and I wanted to capture it on paper before my
memory failed me, and fictional stories became the truth.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
well, they tried their best.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an afterlife for my grandfather, and not much to me at all.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like any other mysticism.
--Regarding MONEY:
my grandfather died intestate
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
don't cry.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
nothing much happened, he was already unconscious, he just stopped
breathing, and someone quietly said,"He's gone".
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Our time on earth is but for a fleeting moment, when you accept that
you have lived, you have experienced something for a time, you must
somehow accept that you will also go at some time. Some may believe in the
afterlife to comfort them, but I will have to face the great adventure all
by myself. I have not experienced death, so how do can we talk "death"? I
am just one person, when I die, there will still be billions of other
people all living, all breathing, all still existing. I will meet it with
dignity, with acceptance.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Philosophies of existence
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Not being intelligent enough at the time!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jan 23 14:55:55 1997
F49 in Maastricht, Limburg =Holland=
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Thu Jan 23 14:55:55 1997
F49 in Maastricht, Limburg =Holland=
Email: <>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Just trying psychological topics on the net.
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Prof/Studies: psychology student (I worked as a social worker)
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a feeling of total loss
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I felt betrayed
--That first time, how it happened was
My father died of pneumonia at the age of 54. The last two years of
his live he was frequently sick. I remember that he was hospitalized
several times during that period. I loved my father very much and I
remember him as a very warm person. Since my father died I never felt
safe again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that other children were ice skating on a lake next to the cementary.
I couldn't understand they were making fun while I was feeling so sad and
so very much alone.
--What I think my (Holland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Live does not go on for a while.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I realized how important a loving father is for a child.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A priest who told me that he could understand that I missed my father
and that was all right to be angry.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The feeling that my environment was not safe anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do something physical like cumbing his/her hair, cutting nails or
washing the face.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
remember him and miss him at all the important moments of my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My mother and brothers were talking in mysterious terms about my
fathers illness. I knew that he was very sick, but didn't realize that he
was dying.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing a lot doesn't mean that you are happy
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say 'sweet dreams' to him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go to university to study psychology at the age of 48. Every time I
pass an examen I tell myself that my father will be so proud of me.I
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mother changed the wall paper a few days before my father died
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I had to stop my tennis lessons, because we didn't have the money for
it. I didn't mind at all while other people felt very sorry for me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I talk about my father with my children
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
control live and death
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very angry
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
too much attention for the partner of the dying person, too little
for the children
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not very muchodfd
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
odd
--Regarding MONEY:
my mother complained all the time
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I wondered who ate the chocolate egg I offered my father a few days
before he died (it was around Easter)
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the 'broken' look in the eyes
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the grieving process still goes on
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I sometimes had very vived dreams in which my father appeared just as
I remembered him. He never became older than 54.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm nearly 50 years old and I can't imagine that I will die 4 years
from now. I'm not ready with my live.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
To think I was still able to talk to him.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
The fact that my mother didn't seem to miss him as a beloved person.
She only talked about missing his pay-check.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It feels good to tell the world that my father was a great person.
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Wed Jan 22 14:53:50 1997
F22 in Temecula, CA =USA=
Name: Email: <vesta-at-ez2.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology Major
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Death and Dying
Authors: Kubler Ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: 26.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When you cease to exist. Your body no longer functions.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really know how to act.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was a family member.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I felt like I wasn't sad enough.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Everybody grieves differently, and for longer periods of time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My aunt had mouth cancer and they wanted to remove her tongue, she
said no and got to SAY her goodbyes before she died... I think that was a
comfort to the family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
expressing my feelings.
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Came through it without too much emotional scarring.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
You first learn of the death.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the laughter was a good release.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have said goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know this person
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
His mother blamed me for his suicide.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
He had his brother there.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see old photos
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
forget him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt almost sick, I wanted to sleep for years to ignore the pain.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disbelief
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding MONEY:
all his bills were sent to me and not his next of kin, and I think
that was wrong.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
It made me into a better person.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he didnt have this as far as I know.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die before my husband, but I dont want to see him die
either.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
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Wed Jan 22 12:16:25 1997
F31 in Chicago, Illinois =USA=
Name: Chris Email: <bullsfan-at-33online.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo search for online tests
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Prof/Studies: Edecutive Secretary
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 77.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something we have no control over. People are taken from us for no
good reason at all.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
watched all those grieving around me but did not allow myself to show
remorse.
--That first time, how it happened was I
It just happened that I...it was my grandmother. She lived upstairs
from us. I came home from school and was told she died. My dad is a
Chicago Firefighter, he came home from work that morning and went upstairs
to ask her if she wanted to go vote ( it was election day). Everyone
believes she killed herself by an overdose of heart medication because she
had all her papers, checkbook, and will on her nightstand near her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the first time I ever saw my father break down and cry
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People always say God wanted and had his reasons for a particular
death. That's bull...sometimes there just can't be any logical reason for
something to happen to someone such as a child dying.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the only thing good about death is seeing those in your family that
you never would have seen again if not for that person dying.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my ability to block it from my mind
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing everyone else around me so distraught
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
no regrets
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Myself and my family are not very religious. We did though get
appointed (at the hospital) at Pastor that gave my family support and VERY
helpful guidance as to funeral plans. Thank God for Father Felix, I just
hope there is another Father Felix wh en I need him for my parents, I know
I will not handle it, or be as "cold" with my feelings as I was with
previous deaths.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I just can't explain how weird death and someone just disappearing
out of your life feels.
--Regarding MONEY:
We had to be tight with money because my grandmother was still alive
with Alzheimer's and could not handle nor knew what was going on. My
family though did go through my grandfather's things and get a little
greedy, that bothered me. I took little,
only what I really wanted to hang onto to remember him.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Going through my grandfather's things. Things that meant nothing to
us and things we probably threw out not thinking twice about, that meant
something to him or he wouldn't have kept them. Just felt like he was a
"disposable" person with a life and things that were disposed of.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Nothing that I know of though family members and myself have
experieced things afterwards. Usually we dismiss them as hallucinations
such as seeming the person who died out of the corner of our eye and
stuff. We moved out of our house after my grandmother died upstairs. We
heard her footsteps upstairs all the time and her alarm clock went off a
week to the day after she killed herself. I was visited by her by the
sensation of being pulled off of my bed, then air swirling around me, then
I saw a blur of her face in the distance. True and very very weird when
something like that happens.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I try not to think about death, when I do I start imagining I have a
brair tumor or I start giving myself chest pains. After my grandmother
died, even though I tried to block it from my mind; if I did think about
it I'd get chest pains.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
I have always been able to block my feelings easily and not show grief
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought it was interesting and I hope you get something out of what
I shared. Feel free to contact me with any future surveys or studies.
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Wed Jan 22 11:38:46 1997
M31 in Arlington, TX =USA=
Name: Larry Launders Email: <lllvis-at-why.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
via YAHOO looking for funeral etiquette for pallbearers
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Prof/Studies: Software Development Analyst
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Colleague, 1 day ago.
Cause of Death: systemic cancer; Aged: mid-60's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a vast unknown, an uncertainty. It is an end to life as we know it,
but we believe something of us called our soul carries on. There is vast
array of beliefs as to how our soul carries on, though.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Did not understand why, fates then seemed so random and unfair and I
had a very difficult time coping.
--That first time, how it happened was I
My Grandfather passed away mere days before his 50th wedding
anniversary. I think it was that fact I took so hard, it seemed so unfair,
such a shame that a milestone such as that wasn't reached.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The depth of my emotions, and how my perspective on life and
living changed.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it preaches a great reward (heaven) but only sorrow seems
displayed when it occurs. It needs to focus on the good aspects that the
religion preaches.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Any person, no matter how you view them, when they pass you see the
people affected by their lives, and I mean in a positive manner. No matter
if the deceased was unknown, there is always someone out there genuinely
sorry to hear about their passing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a fresh perspective provided by a friend of mine.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Them just not being around anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't hoard the moment. Sometimes just popping in and saying 'Hi!'
and moving on are okay. I'm afraid we exhausted poor Lew by so many of us
visiting him.
--[My Colleague's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt he was fortunate it getting to see so many of us in his last few
weeks.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Lew always liked to joke, and something came to mind that he said or
did that always struck me that way.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him one more time, and been there for relectant friends who
wanted to see him but didn't want to go alone.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help in any way I could.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
We, his coworkers, were able to be called upon as an extended family
and take care of matters his relations couldn't. They were in Atlanta, GA
and we were in Arlington, TX.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It seems to be a trait with the men in my family, there can be no
telling what might set off a deep emotional outbreak. It can be just a
word, an inflection, one little thing that can set us off.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
cope and move on.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
said a little prayer on his behalf hoping he was granted the rich
reward he so deserves.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
when it comes to medical 'miracles', we're charlatans.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The hope for the peaceful rest and reward due such a fine man.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Soothing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
an extended loss of apetite.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I would rather keep my emotional grieving private, but if it shows up
in public I, WILL NOT be embarassed of it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had no such vision.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I've thought of it, but I try to lead a life I'm not ashamed of
so if it catches us by suprise, others will not be embarassed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Mmm, Okay I guess.
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Wed Jan 22 08:19:09 1997
F50 in Idaho =USA=
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: death and dying
Authors: elizabeth kubler ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 46.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
pretty much lost it because it was a person my age who was just
starting her life .
--That first time, how it happened was I
It was a good friend, she was killed in a car accident. She was
buried on my 18th birthday.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how my mother was there to help me
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to accept it more
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
when my mother died which was when I was 27 and pregnant. I really
had a rough time thats when I got the book on death and dying. it helped
me alot to understand things and to let my mother go.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
With my mother, It was that she would never meet my son. When my
Father died it was that we had some unsolved issues. Like showing our true
feelings.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Resolved guilt issues.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her before she died I didnt go to the hospital because I lived
out of town and everyone said she would be Ok so I didbt go
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i dont like the whole furneral process
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Talk to my Parents and let them know how I am doing and how my son is
dooing.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't belive in organized religion. And sometimes especally in
funerals they tend too make people to emotional. I think to some people it
helps the process of accepting death but I think in my case it brought out
things that weren't necessary.
--Regarding MONEY:
When my Father died he had married a woman who only wanted his money
and a week after his death we was in court trying to save what inheritance
we got from both our mother and dad It wasnt the things that bothered me
but the fact she really didnt care about my dad. only his money.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Standing in line at the veiwing of both my parents and the reaction
of friennd and relitives.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I dont know about someone who is dyings awareness I have not been
around someone that was that close to death .Although I sort of had that
same kind of experience myself a near death experience. I seen a light
through a tunnel and thought I seen my Mother on the other side .
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Since I had my near death experience and also have lost both parents
I realize how close death is. I just live life day by day and really have
no fear becaous I know it could happen to anyone at any time .
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
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Tue Jan 21 22:28:38 1997
M15 in Cupertino, CA =US of A=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, A few years? ago.
Cause of Death: Old age; Aged: In his 70s ?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when all life functions stop
--That first time, how it happened was I
Grandfather died; for obvious reasons
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Seeing it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
(were) regrets, kind of.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
This doesn't make the sentence, but whether or not I should feel sad
or anything. We live on different ends of the earth, and I wasn't exactly
close to him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I guess it's just how I am?
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
The casket and looking in
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Wow, this is long
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Tue Jan 21 20:24:21 1997
F24 in Spring Valley, CA =USA=
Email: <aeryka-at-pacbell.net>
Web: http://WWW.tripod.com/aeryka/index.html
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
ITSFREE.com
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Prof/Studies: Music Education
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of friend, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder/killing; Aged: 22.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The event in which the spirit separates from the body and returns to
its foundation. To which it waits to be called upon again to be sent to
another form and try to relearn its lessons
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didn't know what to do. I thought that it was my fault for not
caring enough, or loving the person enough. I thought that I would never
see her again, and that she would never return to our world.
--That first time, how it happened was I
It just happened that I... lost my grandmother to a stroke and didn't
know how to deal with it. I was in the same room as her when she had the
stroke and died right before my eyes.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
When my father told me it wasn't my fault, that some things in life
deal out cards like this. I was to look forward to my future and believe
that she was with me for every step.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That the body is only a host to the spirit and that the spirit will
return in time, that is when the time is right. Never think that life is
too stupid or replaceable, that letting someone die for no reason. There
are better things to learn.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That it showed me the way of life, and to live with life every day
and never take it for granted. For some day it will be taken away without
notice.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The support of my family through the hard times, and some from
friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That the person would never be there again for me to tell my upmost
secrets and my joys of life. That they wouldn't be there in case I needed
the love and support that they always gave me.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to cope with the loss, though it did take me some time to
get adjusted. But that he would always be with me, until the day my spirit
soars away.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw my grandmother slip away from me. I didn't understand why she
was leaving me behind, when I thought that she would be with me always.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my grandmother that she was a big inspiration to me, that she
showed me that I was a special person inside and that I would succeed in
whatever I choose.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn from their death and to accept it with the ease and strength
that I got from all my family and friends
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
crawl into a small dark corner, and hide my feelings from everyone
else.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sat down in my room and cried. I didn't know what else to do, I just
let my soul cry for a lost one.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have given thought to my own death, but only my spirit knows how
long I have left.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It worked for me, because it let me express what I have
had on my mind for awhile.
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Tue Jan 21 17:57:27 1997
F30 in Springfiled, VA
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of living
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand what was happening and experienced a great loss
feeling
--That first time, how it happened was I
It just happened that a young boy that I used to babysit was hit by a
car and died. I think he was around eight or ten at the time
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
trying to understand the whole concept of dying
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself. There really was no communication about what had occurred
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing a person that I respected and realizing that it was so final
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It really scares me alot. Not knowing what will happen. Sometimes it
causes me to panic and then I can't sleep. The only thing that I can do
is learn to accept this and continue from here
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
just no communication on the subject
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jan 20 21:16:17 1997
F40's in Houston, TX =USA=
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Profession: Hospice Admissions, O/C nurse
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
Nurses' Guide to the Internet
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Tibetan Book of the Dead,Journey of Soul/Harold Klemp
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 13 years ago.
Cause of Death: Parkinson Disease; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Just a part of a life cycle.This birth-death cycle can be seen in the
plant and animal kingdom. Earth is like a school and soul leaves the
heavenly worlds and enters into this physical world for the experiences
needed to grow spiritually this world, and after a period of whatever
time, he returns via death of the physical body back to the heavenly
worlds.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not want to go to the wake,because I wanted to hold the memory of
when the person was alive.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How each family member responded to the death. It was apparent that
the family members reacted differenty according to their relationship with
the deceased.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
End to a long term suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Doing my inner contemplations.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Being quiet while the person is going through the dying process and
if there is a lot of stress speak softly to the person to held to calm
him/her
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to deal with the grieving process.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Deeper altered state of conciousness and cold extremities.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It was a series of growth passages.It took time to reach the other
side of being healed from grief but I learned a lot about myself and my
relation with my father.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
There are several instances that the person dying would talk of
seeing their deceased relatives.Also, would go through motions with their
hands of the type of work that was done in the past.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
At times when I think about my own death to come I think about if I
am learning the spiritual lessons in this life and am I living as if
"its'my last day on Earth".
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Belief that soul exist after death of the body.
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Mon Jan 20 19:50:34 1997
M in Knoxville, TN =USA=
Instructor, Supported employment program.
Name: Daniel Appleton Email: <dantreea-at-ix.netcom.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Via a Link from a web Page about Mummification & Death
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Life After Life, Embraced By the Light, Care of the Soul
Authors: Betty Eadie, Thomas Moore
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 10 + yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Failure; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The biological end of life on our home planet, but the beginning of a
new life in a wonderful new realm. Some of us call it " Heaven ", but
others call it many other names.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was a child, & I had no inkling, hardly any idea of what was going on.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My doubts about whether I would continue to exist after I died. Then
I began reading the Bible & other sacred literature, & I KNOW that there
is a life after this one.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not something to be ignored & avoided. We shouldn't dwell on it
day & night, but it needs to be addressed.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It makes appreciate the " here " & " now " of this world, & also
makes those of us with religious beliefs look forward to the Hereafter.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My memories of the person (s) involved, & my belief system.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that I would have to wait to see that person again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't know whether to feel sorry for myself or glad that my
suffering mother had gone over to the other side.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
slowly understood the significance of my Earthly loss.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
My family & friends & my belief system. I am a practicing Disciple
who studies Zen, Tao, & Native American beliefs, among others.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? What was it
My inability to be of much " real " support to my fellow survivors -
A real problem.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jan 20 15:08:33 1997
F18 in Seattle, WA =USA=
Prof/Studies: Social Work, Psychology, Anthropology
Name: Rhiannon Ellis Email: <dogspeak-at-u.washington.edu>
Web: http://weber.u.washington.edu/~dogspeak
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 years ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 12.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person's body gives out and they can no longer function. They
become completely inactive and their bodies soon start to decompose. Some
people believe that whatever it is that controls the body goes somewhere
else, but some people think that there is nothing that controls it and the
body is just no longer functioning.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 12. It was a friend of mine who was found murdered in the back of
a school bus. At first, I did not connect who it was, and then it took
about a half of a year for it to make any sense. About 4 or so days later,
on a Saturday, I started crying and crying and could not stop, because I
had finally realized that she was not coming back.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not being able to come to terms with the fact that she was gone for
quite some time after the fact. It took me about half the week to see that
I could not call her/see her anymore.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
not lying to people about it. Not saying that this is something that
is temporary, or that they are "in the great (whatever) in the sky and
that they and accassible. This is not true, but children then think that
it is. Als, the fact that is it not discussable in public and safely.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
is that I learned that, while a person is here, they are reachable
and should never be taken for granted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting that they were really gone. That they were not coming back,
but that, while it was sad, there were a lot of people still alive and
that I could still be with them and be okay. And that I could be okay
without them, and with the knoledge that it was okay.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't pretend that it is not happening, because it is. And don't
pretend it is harder on you than them, because it isn't.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her before she died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye, in my own way.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
how you are at first told. I was told via a gossip chain around the
school (I was 12) and so no one was there at first to explain.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how close of a friend you really were. Death is such a painful thing,
in human perspectiv, that for the first time, it does not matter who it
was or how close you were.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
talk to her again. Just a few times more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started to cry and cry, and I couldn't stop. It at first did not make
sense, and then it hurt. A lot. And it did not stop hurting for a long
time.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had a dream in which she was sitting with me in an all white room
and she and I were sitting in chairs and talking for most of the dream,
about absolutely nothing. Then, all of the sudden, I relaize that she is
dead, and I told her that, and she says okay, and gets up. And I ask her
why she is standing up, and she says that I am right, she is not supposed
to be here and so she guesses she should go. So she leaves.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I get scared to be alone after death, but mainly I wonder what happens.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
did not understand why
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Sun Jan 19 20:00:18 1997
F22 In Champaign, Illinois =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 years ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 77.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
everyone was a bit freaked out
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Jan 19 19:20:22 1997
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 10 years ago.
Cause of Death: Murder; Aged: 35.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
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Sun Jan 19 18:59:48 1997
F45 In Hedgesville, WV =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Death Be Not Proud, BIBLE,
Authors: Elizabeth Ross,
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 23 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Lung Cancer; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
pain, tears, tearing away of a piece of your soul and heart, an
inability to see, touch, feel and talk with someone who had always been
there for you, tearing away of your heart in which the pain doesn't
end..only gets numb with time
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt as though I had died inside. My heart felt broken in two..I felt
I had to tell my heart to beat, my lungs to breathe with each heartbeat
and each breath that I took. I felt betrayed by God and by the person who
died. I felt lost, afraid, alone, ..I felt as if I had lost my best friend
and that I would never be the same again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the people who came. Not the words, not the things that they did...I
remember them being there, holding out a hand, an arm..giving a hug, a
kiss. Just the fact that someone cared enough to be there for me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to teach that it is okay to cry and grieve and get angry and
yell...that death isn't the end but the beginning of a new journey.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the dream about my father where he appeared to me and assured me that
he was in the arms of the Lord. Although my pain was just as great, I felt
a peace. Also death made me realize how precious life was..how important
it was to give those hugs, those words, to those that I love every day. It
made me realize that life is just a vapor and that every day is a treasure
and we only have that day and what we do with it depends on us!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith in Jesus Christ and my salvation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that I could not touch and see my love one and I
wouldn't see them until I went home to my Father in heaven.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
it is not important what you say, or what you bring or what
youdo...the most important thing is to be there at their side especially
after the days of the funeral and the weeks down the road. When a love one
has died, you are always wishing that the nightmare would end, it is those
weeks that follow that you need the support from your friends..a phone
call, an offer trip to go to lunch. Plus don't be afraid to talk about the
one who has died, the memories still live on and it is so helpful to
remembe r them especially the fun times.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
nursed him, bathed him, suctioned him, and even after his death,
washed him and wrapped him in the shroud. I wanted to make sure that he
was prepared gently and with respect. As a nurse, I had done that many
times before with patients that had died. Now with being there in that
nurse position when my brother died, it was so much more important to do
that for him. I was with end until his last dying breath...I felt he
shouldn't die alone...I had sat with other patients through their death
process so t hey wouldn't be alone. It was so important for me to do that
for my brother. Especially since my father had died alone with no one near
so many years ago. Before my brother's death, we talked for hours on end,
I learned so much about him and about us....m emories that can never be
taken away. Those talks, those memories helped me in the days following
his death.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It helped to just laugh out loud to do something besides cry. When my
father died, my mother was so confused and wobbly, we were holding on to
her and while we were walking into the funeral home...her underpants fell
down around her ankles. My mom la ughed and laughed over it, when she
laughed the rest of us cracked up and we laughed until we cried. People
must have thought we were nuts but it helped before walking into that
terrible funeral home.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be with my father more while he was dying in the hospital. To have
told him how much I loved him, admired him, adored him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there as a nurse for my brother. To take care of him and have the
knowledge to do it well. I am thankful for that for it has helped me so
much in my dealings with other patients and their families. It has helped
me with friends when they are going
through that same grieving process.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the fact when we buried my mom, the sun came out shining bright and
full after days of rain and blustery weather. It was as though the Lord
said, it is over, Mom is home and she is with your daddy and they are with
me...rejoice now!! The sun was such
a welcomed sight for me!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the sending of flowers and gifts...we just wanted the company of
people...the flowers were forgotten and wasted...My God, he was dead, he
couldn't enjoy them...don't send flowers just bring yourself.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
during the holidays, or seeing a special movie, or going to a
childhood place..the pain is just as strong, the hurt of not being able to
see them or touch them or talk to them is just as great as the day that
they died!
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
only for a few minutes be reunited with them..to see them talk with
them..a near death experience if it would bring them to me just for a
heartbeat of time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried and cried. Then I got angry and asked why?? My anger
was released and the healing began after I allowed my emotions to boil
over.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
honor, love, respect, most were great!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
peace, life eternal, a realization that I would someday be reunited
with my love one! Without that aspect of being able to see them once
again, I don't think I could have bore the pain!
--Regarding MONEY:
the terrible cost of the funeral..the casket, the vault, opeing and
closing the grave. A fortune spent on the dead! Money making scheme that
preys on a person at their weakest moment!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
a detachment that you feel from yourself, as if your inside self and
your ourtside self were two entirely different people! You are doing all
the necessary things that needs to be done as without feeling any type of
emotion while another person was grieving within . both people all within
the same body!
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the glazing over of the eyes, the labor breathing, then the stopping
and starting of the breath (Cheyne-Stokes), it is so important that the
love ones know that the sense of hearing is the last to go. ..that
although the love ones may seem not to be aware of anything, that sense of
hearing is still there. It is important to talk and pray aloud.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is important to allow each person to go through the five stages of
grief in their own way...but to still be there through the process.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my brother asking if the angels could find their way to him...he
spoke of a peace that these angels were bringing him at different
intervals. He reassured me that he was not alone...reassured me now while
he was dying! That's love!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have been on that death bed. Exactly 10 years ago.. when after
surgery and in the recovery room, I started to bleed out and they could
not stop it...my heart stopped. People were rushing around everywhere
BUT..I was acutely aware of all that was happening but not afraid...
after that experience..I don't fear death as I did before ..I know it is
only a step into a new and exciting journey...a welcome home party awaits
for me to reunit me with my loved ones and my eternity of praising my Lord
and Savior, Jesus Christ!
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
knowing that one day I would be reunited with my father
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
A remembering of past pain but a reassurance of a reuniting.
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Sat Jan 18 20:17:42 1997
F24 In Provo, Utah =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16.
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--Death Is:
The passage from this mortal existance into the next part of life.
Even though it is totally natural and the person who dies is often better
off, it is painful for those left here because we miss those people and
are not sure of the specifics that happen as we go into the spirit world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried. A grandfatherly friend in my neighborhood killed himself when
I was 11. I was so sad and kept remembering the fun we'd had with him. I
also felt guilty that we kids didn't visit him more.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
being so shocked because I had never known of such a thing to happen
in real life before that.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the sadness of not seeing them again - also, going over and over
again in my mind the last time I saw them.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be more of a friend
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything. It gives me the comfort and vision of what death is all
about.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I look forward to it, when this nightmare of life will end.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Sat Jan 18 17:07:26 1997
M34 In Alassio, =ITALY=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
alta vista search on grief and loss
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: on death and dying
Authors: E. Kubler-ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: aids; Aged: 40.
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--Death Is:
the only sure thing in our lives. it is also the thing on which we
spend the least time thinking about
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand what was going on. nobody talked to me, nobody
told me that it is normal for people to die, and it is not only the others
that are affected by death, but us as well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the silence.
--What I think my (ITALY) culture needs to better learn about death is:
going to church every sunday does not help to deal with death. you
must know why you go to church, or it is useless.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the death of my friend Diego forced me to face death and to think about
it. in a sense, it is the last gift he gave to me, and I am grateful to
him for this.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I joined an AIDS organization as a volunteer. my support group, the
other volunteers and the AIDS people I met through this experience helped
me a lot to deal and accept the death of my friend Diego, and in dealing
with death in general.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I could not be there when my friend died: I told him to hold on, that
I was going to see him, and I had a flight booked for the monday after
thanksgiving. he died on thanksgiving day, and I blame myself for not
having acted before, and for missing the last chance to tell him how much
I loved him. the sense of guilt that came from that lasted about 3 years,
until I started working as an AIDS volunteer.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I would do that again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my friend that I did love him, despite the fact that I never
told him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get involved with an AIDS organization
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear of a sudden death, I find myself unprepared
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
cry more
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started recovering. there is no recovery without full
acknowledgement, I think
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
surprise how little we talk about death, even in the hospitals where
people are dying every day.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
attractive, I wish I could understand it better
--Regarding MONEY:
it is a good idea to make sure who is going to get the money you
leave: it is unbelievable what relatives would do for the money
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
talking about death is, after all, the best way to talk about life
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the dying person knows when he/she is dying, and will let us know if
we are willing to listen.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you cannot rush the grieving process, and there is nothing you can do
to alleviate the initial pain, you just have to go through it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I honestly have not heard first hand about experiences of this kind
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am trying to think often about it. at first I thought it was a
"sick" thing to do, but now I am overcoming this prejudice and I am
getting more comfortable with the act of thinking about it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
family did not help a lot. too busy in their grieving
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was good to spend 20 minutes thinking about death. some of the
questions I really did not know how to answer, but many of them were
useful.
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Sat Jan 18 15:39:59 1997
F28 From: Delaware, OH =USA=
Name: Julie Zedaker Email: <jzedaker-at-midohio.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More about me:
As I said in the survey- I'm a child of a funeral director and am
apprenticing to become a funeral director prior to that i was an
adolescent psychiatric social worker.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The National Funeral Directors Assoc. has a wonderful
archive of books for every situation. One of the best is a journal work
for teens called "Ice in my Heart Fire in my Soul"
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Aunt, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 39.
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--Death Is:
when the biologic functions of the body cease.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt great sadness and loss.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
people's sadness and support of one another.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to accept death. Having grown up in a funeral directing family and
being a fourth generation funeral director myself, my experience has been
that the families who want to deny their grief and come to terms with the
death of their loved one are less likely to recover in a healthy way.
People need to experience their grief, in whatever way is comfortable to
them to have closure and seek professional support if necessary.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being able to say goodbye to terminally ill family members.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
For me, in my business it was important for me to make sure that when
my aunt died recently in another state that I was able to be a part of the
funeral directing process by helping to dress her, cosmetize and make sure
that all of her wishes were carried out.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I would never see them in this life again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them what you need to and listen to what they need to say to you.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that's just part of the process.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we played the music from the Phantom of the Opera- yeah it may not
have seemed appropriate to people who didn't know my Aunt but she would
have loved it and it helped us to feel close to her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
holidays- anniversary dates is the psych lingo I believe- the day of
her death etc.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
help her children more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
let myself experience grief- grief is something that doesn't just go
away after one good cry. When I missed my loved one at Christmas or other
occassions I acknowledged why I was feeling that way and allowed myself to
express those feelings. even if they were anger or sadness.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a great deal. I believe in an afterlife.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
calling hours- meeting all these people I didn't know and knowing
what to say.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a lot of people seem to say that the person seemed so much better
right before they died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's OK to ask for help- it's overwhelming and a huge responsibility.
Take a break- take time for yourself.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've been in this business forever and have never witnessed or heard
of anyone relating this experience. I believe it's possible but am
somewhat skeptical.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
As I said, I've been around death all my life- I accept it- it
doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it. I just realize that everyone
dies. I'm not really afraid of death either it just is "how it is." I do
think that being around that environment has made me more appreciative of
life and living it to the fullest- saying what you need to say to people
you love because you never know.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I'm the daughter of a funeral director- I was around death from birth
and excepted it as a natural part of life that occurs to everyone even
though we miss that person and it is difficult it is simply inevitable.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'd be interested if any other people who work ina death related
field have responded and what they think. How it affects our ability to
deal with death and our perceptions of it.
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Sat Jan 18 14:53:11 1997
M28 In Wheelersburg, Ohio =USA=
Name: Lonnie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart; Aged: 88.
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--Death Is:
When our bodies can no longer mantain the functions that it requires
to live
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Never felt any loss
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My mother crying as she told me grandma died over the phone. I never
told her I was sorry just that she knew it would happen sooner or later
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
After someone is gone you live with many regrets
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Memories become more vivid
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Other people's emotions
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Sat Jan 18 11:32:41 1997
F52 In Hertford, NC =US=
Name: Linda Morris Email: <lmorris-at-coastalnet.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
NDE look-ups
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More about me:
I am an artist and love to do 'ethereal' paintings.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimer's ; Aged: 86.
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--Death Is:
A part of living. Everyone must die. It is a transition, the body
is left behind and the spirit returns to where it was formed at the
creation of the universe.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was intrigued.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the detatchment of the one dying.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
more exposure to it. More dying of loved ones at home instead of in nursing home/hospital.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death in itself is a gift. an adventure into everlasting life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own belief. no one really helped me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching the suffering and deteriorating of the body.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen. if they are speaking, listen. if they are gazing, accept
they may be seeing something. tell them it's okay to go. tell them it's
their time to go. tell them you will see them later. tell them you love
them and appreciate all they did fo r you.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
released him to God.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was never confused.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's okay to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
No regrets.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know that my father's suffering had stopped.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
immediately following the death, there was such a stillness and reverence.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
just act as normal as possible
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I drive past the nursing home where my Dad died. I pick up my Dad's
old guitar and play it.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
I'll be glad to see him again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried to view it from a spiritual standpoint.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
everything worked
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
something stable
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good
--Regarding MONEY:
there wasn't any, so it didn't matter
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing that life would never be the same again
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the glazed eyes. the breaking down of membrames in the mouth. no
urine output. restlessness. calmness.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's a natural process in case of disease. In case of accidents it
is more of a shock and more difficult due to the suddeness of the event.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Yes! Not only my Dad, but both of my grandmothers had experiences.
My paternal: day before death, said, "I died last night because I was
floating up near the ceiling". Maternal grandmother, who was unable to
speak due to many strokes, sat bolt upright and began to call out in a
loud voice the names of deceased loved ones. I was also at the bedside of
my mother-in-law and her final words were: "I want to go see my
husband"... she went into a deeper comatose state and died three hours
later.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes. In 1980 I had an anayphylactic shock reaction and collasped. I
managed to tell my husband I was dying. I heard a loud buzzing sound and
then I could no longer communicate. It was for over an hour in the
emergency room that I could hear every thing. "She has no blood pressure"
This was said over and over. "can't get a heartbeat'...'her feet are
blue' 'her hands are blue'. The whole time I was pleasantly 'detatched'.
Family doctor was hastily summoned and he burst in the room and injected
adrenalin in a vein in my groin. Also, massive doses of benadryl. It
saved my life.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very well done
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Sat Jan 18 10:06:09 1997
F16 in , Arlington, VA
Name: Lindsay Email: <dakotah-at-nether.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young, and yet remember the experience vividly.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The funeral parlour, sitting on the stairs with my cousin, while the
grownups were elsewhere. I remember the coffin, and sitting waiting in the
dreary place that became our own hesitant playplace in a short time.
Looking at glass cases, matchbooks, railings, wallpaper, and photo albums.
The rainy walk to the funeral, the dampness on my shoes of crying skies.
The last roses thrown down. Remembering memories.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death cannot be explained rationally. Sometimes we have to admit we
just don't totally know, and leave it there. Open ears, open mind... but
one ought not believe everything one is told or taught. That eats the
soul.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My early exposure to it; and the wistful memories left by it filtered
by childhood's innocent eyes; that is- things seem much purer and more
perfect if you are not an adult.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My imagination, and hope.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That because I was young, they would not let me go to see my
grandparents after each "call." It made me furious, and helpless, sad.
"You're a child, more important people have to see him/her now.. like
Mommy and Daddy."
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Get to know my grandparents better after my childhood, which was
impossible, since they all died during it. Who were they as adults? Who
were they deeply?
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Just now, my mother told about part of my grandfather's death. She
said that I was very young, and afraid to see him in his condition, and so
I wouldn't. He apparently wanted to see me. One day, my mother said, I
extemporaneously said "Mommy, I want to see Grampa." So we drove to the
hospital and saw him. His last words were to me, "I love you, Lindsay."
And later he became unconscious and soon died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I find out something about it that I never knew.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
injustice, malpractice
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother told me once that after her grandmother died, her mother
saw my mother's grandmother after she went for a walk on the street alone
one night; they spoke together.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of the pain that might come
right before it.
Once, walking down a path in the front of the house, I suddenly just
_knew_ something. It was a Promise, that was not spoken, but placed into
my knowledge. It was that I need not fear dying, because I would live
until my purpose was completed.
I feel I will know when it is completed one day, and then it will be okay
to die.
If death comes, then it has purpose, it is meant. I can accept that, for
me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
hope keeps one alive; without hope, one cannot live
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
confusion, very young age
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Well, I learned something very important in the process of filling
this out from my mother, so I will never forget what she told me... that's
important..
Shall We Share Your Comments?: Feel free to share
Identify You?: I welcome all communication!
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Fri Jan 17 14:20:59 1997
F44 From: Austin, TX =USA=
Name: Mary Email: <Takechg-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
browsing
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Mister God, This is Anna, Embraced by the Light
Authors: Unknown
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a natural passage of our spiritual selves from the confinement of our
bodies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand what happened. I had never heard of death. I was
3. No one explained it either.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I remember seeing the body and all the people at the funeral(all
their legs). Afterward, we didn't talk about it but I had to go and live
with my mother whom I didn't know at all.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death isn't the end but a new beginning. Whatever belief system
we have, I believe that we move on to that new plane. Whether its heaven
or hell or reincarnation or karma.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it makes you appreciate the ones you love, what your purpose is and
where you are in your life. It makes you take stock.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being allowed to feel grief, to talk about things freely and to
explore my feelings.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the habits of the relationship, like calling to talk, traveling to
see her (Mom) and the many little things we were used to doing together.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found peace in accepting her death and remembering what we shared.
There is peace, also, knowing that she is not suffering or sick anymore.
There is joy in knowing that, in some form or fashion, we will meet again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The family began worrying about what they would get of her things.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say, I love you, once more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
find peace and not remain angry with her husband and others.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the undertaker and helpers wheeled Mom out of the chapel in front of
us and started ripping her jewelry off her fingers. No one seemed
bothered about this but me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't know.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something in the family happens (events) and I think how much she
would have loved to have seen it or how much I would have loved for her to
see it. Movies do it, too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
stoicism
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
different things. For my step-father: he is Baptist and it was a
passage. For my brothers, it didn't seem to be tied to any religion. I
have a relationship with God, but it isn't really named or organized into
a label. I felt God comforted me through it all.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
valid in many ways. No one knows for sure until they go through it
and no one's really ever come back to tell us for sure.
--Regarding MONEY:
the cheaper the better. My step-father arranged everything before we
got there and it was pathetic.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
relationships with my step-family after. Slowly, but surely, we've
all drifted apart and now rarely speak.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she dreamed of her father and an old lover many times in the last
year.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I have. I am not afraid to die, though I am not wishing it to
happen any time soon. I do know that if I died now, I would be ready and
hopeful for the next adventure.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Belief system later in life
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very interesting. Guess I'm still mad about the funeral!
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Fri Jan 17 07:33:17 1997
F32 In Fort Lauderdale, FL =US=
Name: Beth Witt Email: <chasw-at-ix.netcom.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 14 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 56.
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--Death Is:
Our biological functions cease; the physical manifestion of our being
stops and decays; our spiritual energy, that which animates us, transmutes
to a different form of energy.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt lost; it was almost physical pain. I could not relax for one
minute for a while; then, it was deep and enduring sadness.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Black jumble of nothing
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That is important to accept it, to talk about and deal with it while
everyone is alive; to not wait until someone dies and be thrown headlong
into it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I never have to watch my father grow old and be diminished by poor
health. I know he won't suffer, now.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Thinking about my father, the discussions we had before his death;
and the marvelous lesson of his life-long illness; that is, treasure your
time with others while they are there; never take them for granted.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Many of my peers didn't have a clue what it was like to lose a parent
and so therefore thought I was strange for not "getting over it"
immediately.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was not there.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Learned to value people and take time for them while they were still
around and not take people for granted.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When it first happened.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't remember that; but I do know it was joyful to remember
how much he loved life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Been able to collaborate on that oil painting we talked about. And, I
wish he could meet my husband.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get to know him before he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I began spontaneously expressing my sadness or joy by talking about
him; I remember statements...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Going back to school and work immediately. People thought I should
NOT; I did.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see people gawking at accident victims on the side of the road. It
brings me back to the rage of that night, when the paramedics were working
on my father in the road, my mother was going into hysterics and people
WERE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT MY MOTHER. To this day I want to personally
murder anyone who rubbernecks at accidents. It's such a gross invasion of
privacy.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Every once in a blue moon, I miss him. I wish he could answer my
business questions; be there to critique my illustrations, collaborate on
a painting, or talk about gardening. It's hard to loose a friend as well
as a parent.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Allowed myself to feel and express that grief.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I didn't appreciate that they brought him back at the scene. He
suffered brain damage as a result. It lacked dignity. Their hearts and
training were in the right place, but...he died 3 hours later from a
seizure brought on by brain damage. Enough is enough. His time was then.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Organized religion is an exceedingly negative thing in my life. My
spirituality has little to do with the money-making politics of control.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
A deep comfort in the continuity of life and the rightness of death
in its proper place.
--Regarding MONEY:
Our family business continued to support us; my father, my mother, my
brother and I all ran it; we sold it a few years later as it was my
father's dream to build, not ours. All in all, finances were OK.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The reaction of other people. It seemed inappropriate.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
? My dad had a heart attack. Here today, gone tomorrow... Damned if
I know what to look for, except general ill-health.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was fortunate to confront my fears of death and used it as a time
for contemplation as to the meaning and purpose of both his life and mine.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know that he had any. He was in a coma for 3 hours before he
died.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes; death is a normal process, and it is only death of the body that
occurs. I am more afraid of being kept alive beyond all suffering by
medical science than of dying. THAT'S not natural.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, although it's been years since my father died, I love him still
and occasionally miss him. I love to think about him; he's such an
inspiration. This questionnaire helped me do that; thank you.
Shall We Share Your Comments?: Please Do share
Identify You?: I welcome all communication!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jan 16 23:36:00 1997
M49 In New Orleans, Louisiana =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physical life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt nothing I was to young
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
a sense of silence
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is part and parcel of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brings home ones mortality
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the time i spent alone
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling of impotence i could not change the absolute finalityreme
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
remeber who is really dying
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had mourned her passing many years prior to her death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she died
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i had no urge to laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
resolve some unanswered questions
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
carry on
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the religious aspect of death
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
have had a better relationship
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went to sleep
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
honest care
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
as the same as western views base on not being able to accept t the end
--Regarding MONEY:
where there's a will there's a fight
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
a feelin of not belonging to the circus
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
growing old
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i learned alot about hte past
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i called my ex wife the week before my mothers death and told her that my mother
would be dead in a week she wsas not sick at the time of her death and she lived six
time zones east of where i live
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i accept my own mortality yet the concept of the end still is nearly immpossible
to understand
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
did not help but im sure that i will one day find out the truth i hope its not too soon
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Thu Jan 16 19:47:08 1997
F47 In Bedford, In. =USA=
Email: <bill-at-tima.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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More about me:
co-facilitator, support group for bereaved parents and adult siblings
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: So Will I confort you...
Authors: Jenny Kander intensive experience of bereavement
counselling and profound insight
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Son, 15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Staph -at- Hospital; Aged: 15.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a physiological state for the person that died where all systems of
the body shut down. Let go of hopes and dreams of your child, you never
expect to bury your child. A sorrow and pain that may be more than you
can cope with, you get mad as heck, and some time you get mad at the
child who died.
I stood over Billy's grave and gave it to him on Mother's Day, and
the next day I went back and said, I'm sorry. It is like a roller coaster.
All losses are followed by periods of adjusting to the loss. The period
of adjustment is call mourning. The emotion is called grief. All grief
work has beginning - middle - end. And it is not forever, mental,
emotional and physical changes. We gradually receive life as it now is and
say good bye to life as it might have been.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was 5 years old and it was my great-grandfather.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I want to go see him, he was at his house and my parents said no!
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The grieving process last a lot longer than most people realize.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I have a very good memory of my son. I love him and he loved
me. How much fun I had with him. He taught me how to ride his moped. His
death taught me that I can go through anything and still be on top. It
took several years to be on top. Billy would be proud of me, as I was of
him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I read a lot, went to support group and Breavement Counselling. All
losses are followed by period of adjusting to the loss. The period of
adjustment is call mourning. The emotion is called grief. All grief work
have beginning-middle-end
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Letting them go and trying keep from feeling like you have failed.
Though there are many ways we respond to losses, most of us well respond
in different ways at different times. Sometimes we grieve before the
final loss. This is called anticipatory grieve. It happens in many
painful situations such as a long illness. Physical reactions:
uncontrolled crying, sighing, feeling of emptiness, difficult swallowing,
nausea, over eating or not hungry at all, headaches, arms ache difficult
sleeping, nervousness, restlessness, skin disorders, heart attack, stomach
ulcer, cold or flu, allergies or asthma, high blood pressure, Cancer. Some
people grind teeth or grip their jaw resulting in related problem with
ear, jaws or neck. Grief can be very stressful and we can do react
physically. Mental Changes: difficult concentration, preoccupation with
loss, difficult feeling pleasure or experiencing joy. Go get a check up
at the Dr. of your choice.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just giving support of holding hands, saying a prayer or say go to
the light. I love you!
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
If some one would have told me I would have to go on with out Billy,
I would have said, I could never do that it would hurt too much. I have
learned from the class I teach about death, that it helps me as much as it
helps other people. I am always learning differnt ways of teaching about
loss and the grief process.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Anger, when I yelled at my grand-mother friend, I never knew I had
all this anger inside and if you do not have a way to vent your anger,
beleive me it will come out.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I myself never felt the urge to laugh but people in the group have
had that experience.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
If you dwell on should have, or could have it is not going to change
anything. This will only slow you down.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
For his funeral his piano teacher played all the songs he played,
Star Wars, school song, and not any sad songs. We sent Bill out with a
bang, so to speak, if he could he would have done just that.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The numbess at first, and fear, helplessness, and the anger, and how
you could bounce back and forth. I was scared I would stay in my anger and
all my friends would leave. I did lose two.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
My friend said the preacher did not make her feel good. I did not
notice all I could do was feel numb.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
This is the middle, I have had Billy that same amount of time he has
been gone and that hurts. I had a hard time this Christmas and New Years.
I went over what I teach and made it another year!
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
help. This is why I help other parents that are going through this
terrible experience. I remember the hurt and If I can just help one
person with the pain I'll feel better.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death,
My husband and I were driving home and I said, Billy can not be dead,
because if he were I would have some emotion. I was numb all the way home
I just looked out the window. When the numbess hit is was like a ton of
bricks.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I am apart of the Medical Community; Wash your hand so people like
my son will not get infection while in the hospital. Wash Your Hands!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God, helped me get through Billy's death; but I was also mad at God,
because he could have helped. You should be careful what you ask for. I
now am at peace with God and I am at peace with myself.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The day of the funeral my family heard foot steps run up to Billy's
room, and my husband ran after them. I can not explain this, It was if
Billy decided to come home one last time. I still today do not know why
or how we all heard the sound of foot steps going up to his room, and then
the door slam shut! It is against my Christian beleive, but I swear that
this happened.
--Regarding MONEY:
I used the stock and bonds I had saved for Billy to go to school.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Just trying to live through it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
My friend Roxie, she had cancer. Then at last she was ready and so
was I. I told her to take care of Billy and I would watch after her two
boys. I sure miss her but she suffered.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
See above... When I heard Bill's footsteps going up the stairs into
his room and his door close; my husband running after him.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My friend turned 40 years old, and died from a heart attack just 19
days before he was to walk his daughter down the isle.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Support Group
I am a co-facilitator of a support group for bereaved parents
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
Got stuck in anger on the grief scale
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is good sometimes to open up old wounds and face them again.
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Thu Jan 16 17:58:19 1997
F15 In Winona, MN =USA=
Name: Email: <libers99-at-wshs.luminet.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: bad health; Aged: ??.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
scarey, unknown, the end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
crying, depression, the end
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
loved ones caring
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing them forever
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
nothing is trivial
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
live life to the fullest
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i realized she was gone and i'll never see her again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her closer to her death
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go to the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i'm depressed
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
live forever with everyone else
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i'm scared.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yeah it was helpful
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Thu Jan 16 12:10:33 1997
F39 In Roy, WA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
link from another site
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 60.
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--Death Is:
the end of life on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very sad and lonely.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
pain.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's release from suffering.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
looking back and being thankful for memories and looking forward to life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reflecting by myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not understanding the plan from above.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
speak to them, encourage their path, forgive and ask to be forgiven
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
choose to live on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was a child.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
live fuller and love fuller.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
do what I had, remember what we did.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
mourned the passing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
I work now in a nursing home with residents that have Alzheimer's.
In this occurence, Death is a blessing.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
lack of knowledge, fear of what is behind
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Wed Jan 15 23:22:33 1997
F30 In Boise, ID =USA=
Email: <sadsitt-at-micron.net>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Yahoo
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 20 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: hit and run; Aged: 12.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of existence or being here and now.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
almost thought I had some influence on it even though I wasn't
connected in any way, shape or form with the car that hit her. That night
I had tapped out a series of sounds on my desk. Kind of weird, don't
really remember why I thought that. Possibly an over active imagination.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Family being concerned on mine and some of my friend's first
"introduction" to dealing with Death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is the greatest thing feared by each and every one of us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
is releases people from horrible, horrible suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just having someone to talk to.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that was absolutely no support or reinforcement of religious
doctrines.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just keep them company and let them know that they mattered and won't
be forgotten in your lifetime at least.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
believe and relate to Religion.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my son actually fought dying even though God was supposed to be there
to welcome him and he should be happy to go.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed, but I did feel guilt at the relief I felt that it
was finally over, for him and for me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know if I had done all I could to communicate that I loved him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he made an effort to return to a normal state. Like a last ditch
effort not to die.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
viewing the body.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize I have so much good in my life and that the lessons I
learned then I must not forget.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
see what it would have been like if he had lived.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
really haven't accepted it. I feel like a dumb animal still
wandering around wondering "where'd he go?" "what happened". I wouldn't
describe it as denial, either, it is simple disbelief that the event
occurred.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
modern medical science is still a shot in the dark on a lot of
treatments.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
null.
--Regarding MONEY:
the mechanics of paying for the headstone, casket and funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
there was absolutely nothing spiritually redeeming about it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
mental strengthening for a long haul.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I would not wish to be so isolated again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there was absolutely nothing to support this view.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Only that I am not ready to die now and that there most likely is
nothing after death except decay of the body.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? What was it
At the time (I was about 10) I had no real idea of "Death", it was a
body.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Nothing to deal with really, I was quite objective and neutral
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have given the subject much thought and simply would just like to
know what the results of this questionnaire are for the population at
large.
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Wed Jan 15 22:00:24 1997
F38 In Rochester, BY =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 68.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
to be gone from the world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very abandoned
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my fathers suffering and the feeling that he was not ready to go
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
medicine has been my only comfort.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching the suffering and helplessness of someone who was taken before he was
ready.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to assure them that you will take care of things for them and that it is ok for
them to go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he actually stopped breathing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
give my father the time that I thought he should have on earth to enjoy his life
and to attain some of what he was able to give to others.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see my father for 2 weeks before he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the suffering ended.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i try to sleep at nite or try to be alone I can't stop thinking about it all.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
be gone
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to be away from everybody.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
regret. The whole hospital experience was confusing as one day we were told that
things were looking good and the next morning found my father on life support with
decision to make as to whether he should be kept on it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying for his soul to go to heaven.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i don't feel it.
--Regarding MONEY:
it caused hard feelings in the family
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
after the funeral was over was the hardest part.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am not going thru that process well.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have not had that visit even tho i constantly try to contact him.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not worried about my death but I guess that is because of depression.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prescription Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
loneliness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i think it was good to write down feelings but also feel that it has stirred up
feelings again.
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Wed Jan 15 20:47:09 1997
M43 In Portland, Oregon =USA=
Email:
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 35.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physical life, our bodies cease to function and soon decay.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
walking outside of a bar at night and watched someone get shot to death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
running as fast as I could to get away from the body.
--What I think my (multnomah) culture needs to better learn about death is:
be more accepting of death and be supportive of the person who is dying and that
person's family and friends. People in this (U.S.) culture need to reach out and not
be afraid to feel pain.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the memories and love I had for my friend. He taught me many things about the
meaning of life, the simple pleasures of taking a walk, talking with a friend,
sharing a good meal.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my wife and her family, the other friends that I met as a result of reaching out
to my dying friend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I was also dying, but I had the hope of getting a liver transplant (which I
recieved six months after he died), and that he would not be around to share that
experience.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
help the dying person, by offering whatever comfort you can, hold his or her
hand, talk to them about some soothing memory, sing or play music, anything which
help that person make the transtion.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
care and think about him, and keep his memories alive.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my wife didn't want to tell me, she was afraid that I would get sicker.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him and talk about the many things we liked to talk about.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
share a small part of his life and also be supportive of him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to see my friend's body and share my grief with his family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
cultural: North American culture does not deal offer much support or reflection
about death or dying.
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Wed Jan 15 10:38:01 1997
M36 In Adelaide, South Australia =Australia=
Name: Jeff Braund Email: <msaunders-at-rebel.net.au>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo entertainment
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More about me:
a dead friend visited me in a dream and said dying felt like walking
thru cold water
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 6yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a mystery
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was deeply touched by the gravity of it all
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
when i was actually told where i was and what i was doing at the time
and the words used
--What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
dont take it so personally
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death is always a gift of some kind.....a teacher...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own sense of being
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how it affected my family
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen closely
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
grew
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the moment i was told
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was good to laugh,dad would have laughed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
think more about the way i told the rest of the family.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
viewing the bodie at the morgue
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
talk deeply with some-one who knew him well
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
ring him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried a lot with my brothers
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ok
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support for family etc etc
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
normal
--Regarding MONEY:
ok
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
an awakening of my felings
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
being alive
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was easy
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
too sudden
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
my body is mortal
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Passage of Time
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
ok a bit normal for me
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Subject: Guest: M22 in CANBERRA, ACT
Name: AL SANCHEZ
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 6 MONTHS ago.
Cause of Death: NATURAL CAUSES; Aged: ?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
THE LAST PROCESS THAT WE ARE ABLE TO SEE THAT OCCURS TO A BEING. tHIS
PROCESS MEANS THAT THE PERSON WHO HAS DIED WILL NOT BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE
TO THOSE THAT ARE STILL ALIVE AND VICE - VERSA. SOME PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO
DEAL WITH IT EASILY OTHERS ARE DI STURBED BY IT VERY EASILY.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE IN ANOTHER CONTINENT AND NOT KNOWN THE
PERSON - HE WAS MY GRANDFATHER. THE FIRST REAL DEATH THAT I EXPERIENCED
WAS THAT OF A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY WHO I KNEW. PERHAPS IT WAS DUE TO MY
AGE THAT IT DID NOT HAVE A GREAT EFFECT ON ME
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
THE REACTION OF THE PEOPLE AROUND ME AS IF IT WAS UNFAIR OR NOT TRUE.
THEY THOUGHT THAT THEY COULD BRIND THE PERSON TO LIFE JUST BE WISHING IT
OR ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS. A BIT SILLY REALLY.
--What I think my (AUSTRALIA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
THAT WE ALL ARE DIFFERENT AND NEED TO HAVE TIME TO OURSELVES IN ORDER
TO TAKE STOCK OF OUR LIVES AT THE MOMENT. THERE IS NO NEED FOR INTENSIVE
COUNCELLING AS TO THE KIND THAT OCCURS KNOW.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
THAT IT HAS BROUGHT RELIEF TO THE PERSON DYING AND TO THE FAMILY WHO
HAD TO ENDURE THIER SUFFERING.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
THE WAY IN WHICH I HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP WHICH ALSO INCLUDES A VARIETY
OF THE THINGS MENTIONED ABOVE.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
THE HARDEST PART WAS NOT KNOWING THE PERSON (GRANDFATHER). EVERYBODY
WHO KNEW HIM AND ME SAY THAT WE ARE SO ALIKE.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE LAUGHED. I DON'T REALLY LIKE A TENSE MOMENT AND
LUAGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICEN.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
KNOW THE PERSON BETTER
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
THANKS
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
THE SPIRITUAL PART OF MY MIND WAS ABLE TO DEAL WITH DEATH
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I KNOW IT SOUNDS FUNNY BUT A BIT LIKE THE 'FORCE' FROM STAR WARS FAME.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
A SENSE OF RELIFE THAT THE WHOLE ORDEAL WAS OVER
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
TIME ALONE IN YOUR FAVORITE SURRONDING IS A GOOD PLACE TO RESTORE
YOURSELF.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
IT BECOMES EASIER TO ACCEPT DEATH IF YOU ARE READY TO DIE.ONCE YOU
ARE READY TO DIE YOU ARE ABLE TO FACE ALL KINDS OF PROBLEMS THAT LIFE MAY
OFFER. AFTER ALL YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS. PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THIS MEANS
THAT YOU BECOME SUICIDAL IT JUST M EANS THAT YOU HAVE INTERNALISED THE
FACT THAT DEATH IS NATURAL.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
it is a natural part of life - you begin to die as soon as your are
born - live with it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
IT HAS ALLOWED ME TO ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS THAT NOBODY HAS ASKED ME
IN RELATION TO DEATH. PERHAPS I WILL NOW BE READY TO SHARE MY VIEWS WITH
OTHER PEOPLE.
Shall We Share Your Comments?: Please Do share
Identify You?: Ok to show name only
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jan 13 21:33:52 1997
F36 In Valdosta, GA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 46.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
final...the end of physical life and the beginning of solely
spiritual existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Actually, the first death I experienced was of a neighborhood cat
that had been poisoned by the owners so they could get a litter of brand
new kittens. The cat died in my arms and I was devastated by it. I was
only about 8 yrs. old at the time and didn't understand how people could
be so cruel. My father's death was the most traumatic experience of my
life. I was 25 yrs. old and pregnant with his first grandchild. It
happened suddenly and without warning. One day he was there and the next,
he was in the hospital hooked up to machines - brain dead. 2 weeks later
he was gone. There is no greater pain than to lose a loved one to death
because it is so final.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
nonstop crying...draining every ounce of energy out of me. The
denial was very strong. I remember waking every morning after dreaming
that my father was alive, knowing that he was and that it was some kind of
cruel joke or his death was the dream. Nothing felt real at that time
except the pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother...although my parents had been divorced for about 15 years,
she was very supportive and spent many an hour on the phone with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the overwhelming sense of loss, of feeling as though I had been
cheated and the anger that consumed me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
during the funeral, I still could not believe that this dead person
was my father...it didn't even look like him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was my way of coping with the situation. All of the emotions were
overwhelming including the fear...sometimes we laugh when we are afraid -
it relieves some of the tension
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my father
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see and hug him the day before he collapsed. I have always felt that
the time spent with him before he died was a gift and I will always
treasure the memory
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the family sat around swapping amusing stories about my father. Some
told of silly habits or things he would say and some told of things he did
as a child. It was good for all of us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone else is talking about their experiences with death
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
bring him back somehow. I miss him so much!!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was able to go on with my life, keeping in mind that my children have
some of my father in them. I was also able to pray again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community didn't do what I thought was much at the time.
Now I am grateful that they didn't because had he lived, it would have
been only for about a year and he would have been in pain the whole time.
Everyone would have been miserable.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support, kindness and understanding
--Regarding MONEY:
my stepmother got everything and since we love her and we believe
people are more important than material things, no one put up a fuss.
Truthfully there was some resentment at first because each one of us(his
kids)wanted something of his for sentimental reasons, but we weren't
willing to ask at the time and needed to be able to focus our anger on
someone. She was the easiest target. We very quickly got over it though
and she is still a part of our lives.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the unrealness of it...the denial
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the anger and denial were the most difficult to overcome and took the
longest to deal with. I was angry with him for leaving me and angry with
God whom I felt at the time was behind it all. I was also angry with
myself for the envy that I felt toward others who still had both of their
parents.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there was nothing like that, but my sister said that she had a dream
that my father was going to his father who was calling to him and that he
was going to sit with God. It was very touching.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm afraid of it. As I get older, my mortality becomes more real.
On the other hand, because I do believe that there is life after death, I
can look forward to eternity with God where there will be only happiness.
I'm looking forward to seeing my father again.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good for me. Even though my dad has been gone for over 10
years, the pain is and always will be there. Sometimes I push the
memories away because I don't want to deal with them. This questionnaire
helped in that I could let the memories surface and therefore I feel
somewhat cleansed.
Shall We Share Your Comments?: Please Do share
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Mon Jan 13 15:15:15 1997
F16 In Hayward, CA =USA=
Name: Danielle
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I was doing a Net Search and came across contests, surveys, and polls.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of pet, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a car hit her; Aged: 1 or 2.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 10 years old. My dog and Grandpa had died within 2 weeks of one
another. I was closer to my dog than my grandpa, but it still hit me
hard. I was a little shocked when I heard about my grandpa, but it didn't
hit me until Tia (my dog) was killed . That was when I cried. I got to
make the decision of whether or not to cremate or bury her. I chose to
bury her even though it cost more than cremation. I just liked the
thought of her being in the hills.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that when I acted out they wanted to put me in a mental institution.
Before they died I was mild mannered and got good grades. Can you imagine
a 10 year old throwing temper tantrums every day at school?? That's what
I did. It made learning very d ifficult to say the least.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
they just weren't around any more.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
give them both a hug just one last time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the people at the place we took Tia let us have the time to decide
how we wanted to handle the shell that housed her spirit. Most people
wouldn't know that there was a choice, but there was.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
everyone saying "I'm sorry."
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. I don't go to church on a regular basis. I just knew that
they were with God.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it just didn't matter to me any more.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Well, often I've contemplated suicide but in the end I never do it
because I am needed here, and I don't want to leave everyone as bereft as
I was.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
They tried to put me in a mental institution when I was in the fourth
grade because I wasn't dealing well with the deaths of my grandpa and dog.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Pretty okay.
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Mon Jan 13 13:28:36 1997
F18 In Lansing, Michigan =United States=
Name: R.A. Wright
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 11 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the body's exsistance, but the spirit continues on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sixteen. My mother brought Grandma to our house so she wouldn't
have to die in a hospital.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the lonly feeling.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
don't shove someone out into a hospital to die because you're afraid
of death. They need you more than you need your security.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i was able to get close to my grandmother, and now i am not so afraid
of death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends let me cry and get angry and didn't pull away. They
stayed there for me and that's what helped the most.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching my mother watch her mother die.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
As bad as it might sound, you need to put away your greif while
you're with them. You're not helping them by crying all over them. Hold
their hand and reminise with them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Grandma needed so many painkillers she didn't remember who i was. i
couldn't understand why God just didn't take her.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
learn more about Grandma's life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
look back on things we used to do and not cry.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
everyone seemed to almost smile at the funeral, her suffering was
over and we knew it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the night before she died she was thrashing around in her bed, pumped
full of morphine. i went in and help her hand and stroked her forehead
and she became still and looked right at me for the longest time. It was
almost like she recognized me. Th at was the last time i ever was with
her on earth.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried on my friends shoulder forever.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hope. Science has come so far and i hope some day there will be a
cure for cancer.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
peace for Grandma, though i can't recall it helping me too much.
--Regarding MONEY:
how we would be able to pay for treatment.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when i found out she had died i was releived. It was over.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the greif and mourning was done before she died.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i pray i die quickly and painlessly.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
It was a long sickness and we had time to adjust to the fact that
Grandma was going to die.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This is the first time i've actualy told anyone excluding close
friends about my emotions surrounding her death. i thought it would be
strange but it wasn't at all.
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Mon Jan 13 08:10:25 1997
M20's In Flat Rock, MI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 51.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life and the beginning of existance
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cryed
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the counting down of his heart meter and the change in his face when
it hit zero
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not the end only the beginning
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
in pain and dying
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't treat them as there dying treat them as you always would
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it never confused me
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the change in a person's face when they die
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It didn't affect me
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Sun Jan 12 13:53:42 1997
F26 In Chapel Hill, NC =USA=
Name: Victoria
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: something about blueberries and a beesting
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 62?.
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--Death Is:
what happens when our bodies run down and we cease to have
consciousness, without consciousness we are dead and our physical bodies
start to decay
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little confused and more curious than sad. I felt i should
feel worse than I did
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my mother being absolutely silent and getting a new dress to wear to
the funeral and my mother commenting on my grandma's red dress at the
funeral when it as her husband who had died
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it will happen and it is the great equalizer, no matter how much
power and importance one may get in life one is still human and every
human WILL die
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that my grandma was very upset when my grandpa died and had
really very little to live for and I was glad for her that she chose to
die, becuase it had to be better than how she was living. it must have
been like waking up as rip van winkle and years had gone by and no one you
knew was around any longer , your husband dead, your friends dying, I
would imagine it would feel natural at that point
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
majoring in history and the realization that death is inevitable and
really of little importance, what one leaves behind is always of
significantly more value that what is taken. I have a belief that death
is not always fair, but the people left alw ays learn something and always
have memories that are passed on making the person immortal within a
families complex heritage able and what is taken is a body but who is left
still has a rich set of memories to add to a families history
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
knowing that I couldn't go and talk to that person anymore, I tend to
compartmentalize and losing that person took away a part of my life that
offered a unique situation and learning experience I can't receive
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell grandma and grandpa what an important part of my life they were,
I didn't see them as often as I may have wanted but they were very
influential (my morals, and ethics) so I would have liked to tell them
just how important theywere
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mamma was so pleased to see grandma (Her mother ) look so good and
young again, all the pain of being older was wiped away ,and the make up
and clothes really made death seem less an enemy
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wept, but not all with sadness, but also with the realization that
each person is real and specific and time is going to pass no matter what
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little i don't necessarily like the way judeo-christian
religions deal with death
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
herman hesse mentions in history that there are immortals, those that
transcend death by their actions on earth(mozart, goethe) when you're dead
there probably isn't much but how can you really DIE spiritually if you
lived and interacted with anybody that transcend death by their action on
earth(goethe, Mozart) how can anybody die spiritually if they have ever
lived and interacted and led a life?
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how, no matter how I tried, I couldn't bring to the fore-front of my
thoughts the mundane things kept intruding, I seemed to reserve death in
my abstact thought region, even though I didn't deny death there was
nothing tangible to it and therefor ver y elusiveit's going to happen a
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it's going to happen and I'd like to think I'm so special I'll never
die or I'll enter another state of conciousness, I'll keep hoping I
suppose, but I won't count on it, and I just hope that during life I can
live and affect people positively
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Sun Jan 12 00:40:00 1997
M48 In Bangkok =Thailand=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: Old Age; Aged: 77.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
stop to function as a human, physically. start a new journey into
another world of being....
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
feel very calm, realise the truth of life that we will take nothing
away from this world, but we can leave a lot behind, be it bad or good.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
a sense of parting, the hope to meet again.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
life is simple, you come to this world as a visitor, when you leave
you will not take anything along but you will leave behind you good deed
(or bad) and the memory of you.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
staying quietly alone and reflect my memory of her.
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
the feeling that I should have seen her (my mother) one more time
before she passed away. you just do not know when you loved one will
depart, you normally do not pay much attention to see him or her. when it
happens, you would wish you have seen him or her one more time just before
he or she leave you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
religion ceremony involves
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her just before she passed away.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all the formality
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a friend who comes in and tell you what you are supprorted to do
right. It is good, because we still stay on in this society, we cannot
just do whatever we want, there are social rules to follow, but sometimes,
the formality is unncessary and too much.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
In the case of my mother, we brother and sister all felt her present
during the ceremony, but not in the case of my father who passed away
only one month later.
--Regarding MONEY:
you need money to manage the religious ritual which actully not a
necessity.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Look at the eyes of the dying, they tell you something. Sometime
they looks like they are miles away from this world, sometime when the
eyes look at you, they tell you good bye.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
think of the goodness the person offered you, wishing him or her in
your prayer that he or she is with God.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
We experienced the present of our mother at the ceremony, strongly,
everyone of us, brother and sister and some close friends.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
after the death, it remind me that I cannot be to careless about
death, that means I have to prepare well for my kids, not to incur too
much debt, obligation etc., that might become their burden, prepare them
well to survive this world after I have gone,as I will not be able to stay
with them as long as I would like to, not to mention when I would leave.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel good to share some of my feeling and learning from death,
which I beleive one have to experience it to really comprehen it.
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Sun Jan 12 00:24:59 1997
M55 In Springfield, OR =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Old Age; Aged: 89.
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--Death Is:
the end of living in the body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had a lack of a belief system
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the finality of it
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
who we actually are - spirit
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my being out of my body when I died in the recovery room. It made me
realize what I was.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
understanding who I am.
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
the selfish grief of missing them.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was filled with the Holy Spirit.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to have it explained to me how the Holy Spirit had led me in
what to say .... and what to show my best friend.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
huh? I'm not manic depressive; neither was he.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him after he became a believer.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
visit him as he was dying
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
He asked me to talk of God with him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The pain he was in .... the pain I experienced in my "near-death
experience". Pain has a purpose - no it's not pleasant, but it is a
necessary part of death .... for the one who is dying and for those left
behind.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
huh? If I relate this to my mother's death, there are regrets and
things I wish I had done better .... and I can cry over my failures, but
over her having died .... no, I know she's ok now.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was sad for myself yet happy for him.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ineptness
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Church is where I and others come to understand who we are and what
death actually is .... and why it exists .... and what is beyond. I
understand you want a negative answer, but ....
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
phoney .... when I believed this way, it was a from a lack of
understanding .... a reaching out for an understanding that was created by
those who did not understand.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was unimportant.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Other people's inability to deal with it .... misplaced grief.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not sure what you want here .... it would depend upon what stage one
is in .... how close.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
at times, the grieving process begins long before the actual dying.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
You're reaching out for things that can be extremely decieving! Long
dead relatives can be evil spirits manifesting themselves as others.
Remember, the most beautiful of all the angels was Lucifer.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
To die, one will miss loved ones, but at that point of death one is
outside of time .... therefore, one is .... shall we say "catapulted" to
the end of time, to the arrival of the Messiah. I look forward to being
absent from the body. I know where I am going ... I have no fear of it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Adequate
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think you most likely have your own agenda and your own belief ....
and that you are probably so closed-minded that my time has probably been
wasted, but I am obligated to reach out to you in love .... and hopefully
someone ....
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
[Ed Note: A somewhat odd response, we thought . . . Those of us on
the receiving end of this one just looked at this and said, "Hmmm...
this poor man seems deeply troubled by feelings that he may not
fit in here with us." But, certainly we regard the questionnaire
as neither close-minded nor exclusive, and would hope that he did
indeed feel better having contributed his thoughts in the matter.
As with all our guests here, we sincerely wish him well, hoping
that he may get on with finding his joy and bliss in the world. ]
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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Fri Jan 10 21:57:27 1997
F40's Albuquerque, NM =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I was looking at movies (entertainment) and found it in with
science/psychology
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Auto Acident; Aged: 51.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition into another state of being. We don't really know the
particulars. But I think it is hardest on the ones left behind.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had a hard time believing it was real. I didn't go to the funeral,
but got the information over the phone.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how good it was to be with people who I shared his memory with
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that no one goes to a burning inferno for being "bad" or a castle in
the sky for being "good"
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a greater appreciation of his gifts and strengths and for the
opportunity to work on the this same trait in me that used to bug me about
him
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
talking about my experience with friends
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
having unresolved feelings about things that bugged me
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have come to terms with how I feel about it. I have a harder time
with the thought of those I love dying
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
It was a parakeet and I didn't want to take care of it anymore. A
relief plus guilt
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Guilt
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Fri Jan 10 19:36:59 1997
F21 In Calgary, Alberta =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurysm; Aged: 30's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Cessation of bodily functioning
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not something that should always be feared and given a negative
connotation.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
It was someone I was acquainted with but didn't know really well
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire wasn't really applicable to me because I have yet
to experience the death of someone close to me.
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Fri Jan 10 10:25:11 1997
F48 In Danville, Ohio =USA=
Name: Kay
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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More about me:
I getting ready to start my first Hospice training. My daughter works
in the medical records for Hospice.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 14 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimers; Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A part of life. When there is no longer any physcial life. The end!
The end has a diferent meaning to different people. To some it's the
beginning. It's harder on the living-those left behind than to the one who
died. It can be a fear, it can be a scary situation.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Became greatly saddened. Did much reflecting on what use to be and
now would never be. I was uncertain about the person who died. Where are
they really going etc.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
He is no longer in pain.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's a part of life and we all have to go through it. Make the most
of the living!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My family and friends who were there for us and the things they said
about him.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
People with caring words
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
Knowing I could never speak, share, love and see that person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You can make a difference even though it may seem very small to you.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Loved him and how I wish he were here for me now. If you have your
father, don't take advantage of it. Live it, love it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
God took him away from us and he had to die alone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
No experience with this one.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I had the opportunity: I wish I would have spent more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get through it and be there. (Physically, not sick etc.)& take by
little one to see him one hour before the funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
When I left the grave site-I felt better then, than I ever did when I
left the rest home.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Can' recall anything.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at photos, memories, speical hymns while singing in church.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Go back in time. But I don't want to give up what I have now.
Husband,children.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Simply cried. Questioned God. Was saddened. I wanted him back!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
We had none.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Everything. A life-saver.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Uncertain
--Regarding MONEY:
We did it. He made it possible.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I couldn't believe it was happening-and happening to me. I felt like
I was dreaming.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Understanding-being comfortable with what is going on, or what you
going through, or better yer, what their going through.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It's not easy. It's unpredictable
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Never experienced
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Thought alot. Especially the older I get.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Forced me into thinking about it. How often do we do that, and how
often do we really get to think deep about it. A time to be honest with
myself and my feelings? Maybe.
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Fri Jan 10 04:40:37 1997
M16 In Melbourne, Victoria =Australia=
Name: Foxymop
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just browsing
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More about me:
I love my mind- being able to think and express myself as easily as i
do in my writing and photography
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: Self-Strangulation Aged: 48.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our life on earth and the beginning of life in heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know what it meant untill I saw their body in the coffin at
the funeral. I could not even bring myself to look longer than a fleeting
scan of their face.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the absence of his cheerfulness
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not the worst thing that can happen
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the feeling of helpfulness towards the suicide's children.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
the fact I knew they were gone and there was nothing I could do about
it. Socrates said "the unreflected life isn't worth living" so if you
can't remember their visit on earth they may as well have never been here
at all.
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
the suddenness of the whloe thing and not being able to see and talk
to him a final time. I don't know what I would have said but I still
would rather do it that way.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
A bit too long... Sorry I didn't have time to complete it.
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Fri Jan 10 01:45:47 1997
M18 From: The Bronx, NY =USA=
Name: Monirul H. Tuhin Email: <flyto-at-concentric.net>
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
Through a reserach for a school health project on suicide
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More about me:
I'm going through suicidal behavior
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 YRS ago.
Cause of Death: old age Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end. There is no after life, and no heaven or hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
tried to forget all about it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the funeral.
--What I think my (UNITED STATES) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Don't be upset for the dead. Just get on with your own life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I got over my death-fright.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
Myself!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
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Thu Jan 9 15:56:16 1997
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7ish yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: ? don't know ? Aged: in 70s.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of all biological functions
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really comprehend it, but just knew that person was
no longer here.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I didn't miss him, because he was not very close to me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
you shouldn't deny it's here; it happens every day to SOMEone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
telling them all the important things you had to say before they need
to go.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
a big funeral
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
nonexistant
--Regarding MONEY:
funerals cost too much
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? What was it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
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Thu Jan 9 13:52:31 1997
M20's In Ann Arbor, MI =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 11 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 79.
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--Death Is:
The end of consious life as we know it. The body dies but the spirit
goes elsewhere.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had time to adjust to the idea because she came to live with us and
was there for about two years.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how will we ever get our lives back to normal.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
My grandmother had a strong faith in God and was not afraid to die
and when she did that thought helped me deal with it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Wed Jan 8 16:17:54 1997
M20 From: Brighton, MI =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 20.
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Wed Jan 8 15:43:52 1997
F20 In Minneapolis, MN =USA=
Name: Stephanie Email: <cyclops2-at-minn.net>
Web: http://WWW1.minn.net/~cyclops2/steph.htm
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 1/2 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 55.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
inevitable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very angry, and pushed it out of my head.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the wake, when I went to see her...and she didn't look at all like she did the
last I saw her. And that no one told me she was sick and dying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how the family can hold together, rather than fall apart.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my grandma died when it got too painful for her, and I didn't have to
watch her hurting anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
my boyfriend, and my friends. And writing in my diary.
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
knowing that I will never see them again, that they're are going to miss
really important parts of my life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make sure that they know you will never forget them, and that you will not be
angry with them for dying.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I considered what the person's dying would mean for me. How would I ever know
more about them? How would I live without them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing can be a natural instinct, that just happens to a person, so that
they do not become so engrosed with being sad, that they forget how to be happy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
actually have been there when she died. I think maybe if I had been..I would
not have spent time thinking, "No, she's not really dead...she's just hiding."
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to her the night before she died, and get many blessing and
encouragements from her, before she died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The night before she died, and she was able to stay awake for a little bit to
watch an ice skating show...because she loved those so much.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
asking for the person's forgiveness for everything we'd done. Because we
already knew she forgave us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something neat happens in my life..and I immediately think, "I should call her
and tell her!!" and then remember that I can't.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
simply forget about her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sat in my room on my bed, with tons of covers on me. I never wanted to get
out of bed again. I just sat there and cried for hours.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment but also thankfulness for what the nurses gave us emotionally.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that my grandmother would now be in heaven
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
We found that many people expected something from her, and that was childish.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Thinking about the fact that one day, my parents are going to die and that
terrifies me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When you realize, that the person dying, is at peace with it. When they are
at peace with it, it is coming soon.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I needed a lot of time alone. And I didn't really want to be with people that
reminded me of her.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandmother said that she had talked to "them" (who exactly 'they' are I do
not know), and I believe that she did. And I know that "they" helped her through
it, and took her fears away.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about my own death quite often. And the thing that scares me most, is
leaving my loved ones. How will I say goodbye? What if there is no heaven, and
I'll never see them again?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
It was a sudden death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'm not sure. The questions led me to believe that the things I think or
do...other people experience as well.
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Date: Tue, 7 Jan 1997 21:49:36 -0800
M21 From: POZNAN, =POLAND=
Name: TOMASZ OSTWALD Email: <OSTWALD-at-MAN.POZNAN.PL>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
web searcher
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Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 9 years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; I was Aged: 12.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something at the end; sometimes it can be release, but
mostly, we try to avoid it;
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not believe it;
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my grandmother's smile, just before She died;
--What I think my (POLAND) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we can't escape from it;
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
none;
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
working on myself, and simply accept it;
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
that I was completely suprised;
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
stay with them; don't make them feel lonely;
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
tried to fight it;
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realised what had happened; it was several days later;
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
generally it is really funny;
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say 'thak you';
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
survive?
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i found a small piece of paper from my past;
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
crying;
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
none
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
meet with those, who are gone?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was trying to escape;
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
fury;
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
now, it means nothing;
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
when i should be ashamed of me;
--Regarding MONEY:
none;
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that sometimes i don't feel all those years, which have
passed; a picture covered by fog, but it is still alive;
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
everlasting peace;
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
nothing is sure anymore;
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i hope, i will not find there anything;
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
the proper question is 'why?';
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
average;
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Date: Tue, 7 Jan 1997 21:41:11 -0800
F43 From: Anchorage, AK =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
hospice nurse new to the net browsing
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: A Gentle Death
Authors:
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--Death Is:
the ending of physical life as we know it. The physical body becomes
no longer able to support life and ceases to function through a variety of
means. Many different groups believe that the soul or essence of the
personality will continue to live oe exist in another dimension. Each one
of these groups has a different name for this dimension. Some people or
groups of people do not believe in another existence and believe that the
physical body breaks down to its base elemants
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very guilty. I was a child and one of a large group who teased
the person cruely because of the unusual last name. He died alone and was
not found for several hours. He was playing alone because none of us would
play with him
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The horrible guilt for not being nicer to him. Perhaps if we had
played with him, he would'nt have died.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not avoidable.It will come to all of us. Death does not have
to have alot of physical pain and dying with caring people around you
after dealing with buisness that must be delt with and problems solved is
so much easier than dying alone with out problems solved or how people
will continue when you've gone
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That dying does not have to be painful, scary and lonely. There is
another way of love and peace and comfort. The courage that allowed them
to share with a young innocent nurse.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
books and quite walks withnature and my private thoughts
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
I have never had someone really close to my die. All relatives and
family friends were physically distant and I feel like I never said
good-bye and that I may still see them yet when I return
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Having "been there" whenfriends and family could'nt or wouldn't, a
fear of all people is dying alone. Patients were so grateful to know that
they could depend on someone to be with them at the time of death. Not
being afraid to touch them, hold a hand, lightly massage an arm, play soft
music, anything is better than avoidance and silence, just let them know
you are there. Swallow your own fears, The pain of being there is not as
bad as the pain of not being t here.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had a 103 yr old patient who continued to get up in her wheelchair
daily and wheel herself around and continued to eat regularly. Every few
months she would become comatose for a day or so. On arousing once more
she would say " they weren't ready for me yet. They sent me back but would
not or could not elaborate.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
feelings of guilt over poor behaviour
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Being a Hospive nurse I have completed these types of exercises
before. Each time I do them I recall something more or learn something
more as I gain more and more experiences.
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Date: Tue, 7 Jan 1997 20:29:29 -0800
F29 From: clearwater, florida =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: alzheimers/old age; Aged: 93.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
cessation of all bodily functions worn out or sick and unable to work
properly
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt nothing
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my father crying and my mother comforting him
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to be so afraid of it as it is going to happen to us all
eventually
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
realization of my own age and that childhood is gone forever
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
nerves, shock, the seriousness of the situation puts your natural
defenses up
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
write to her on a regular basis and allow her to feel involved inn
our lives (we lived in different countries.)
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt sad that I would never be able to see that person again it was
so final and the days of being with that person were over forever
--Regarding MONEY:
my sister and I were stunned that she never left us anything in her
will. I realized how I had always expected her to leave me stuff as it
was one of the first questions I asked myself.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I never felt like she was "up there somewhere, at peace or
looking down at all of us". I had always thought that was how I would feel
but all I felt was that she was GONE, OVER, DEAD.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
loss of appetite or decrease in the need for food, sleeping more than
awake, odd breathing patterns,confused talking to people that aren't there
or who died long ago
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I really didn't grieve, I just accepted it,but I did find myself
scanning through all my memories and reading all her letters and looking
at photos.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
sometimes I am almost obsessed with it wondering how and when I am
going to die I almost go into panic attacks.I am very afraid of death and
I worry that maybe it is my subconcious mind telling me that I am ill, I
have to keep telling myself that it is all a part of life and inevitable
but that doesn't help.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am more interested in other people's points of view
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Date: Tue, 7 Jan 1997 15:12:41 -0800
M26 From: New Haven, CT =USA=
Name: Email: <hijodegod-at-hotmail.com>
Web: http://www.golftoo.com(note: business site)
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: gunshot wounds; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to discuss it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I had an oppurtunity to know and share experiences with the
people I know who died
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
quiet reflection on life
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
losing them forever
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
your presence lets the person know that people care for them, and
allows them to die in (relative) peace
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
seeing it happen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my friends who have died
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
No emotional reaction. i knew it was too late, and accepted the
fact.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Someone who didn't even know Antonio giving a bunch of canned,
unoriginal speeches about life and death. I guess it comforted some
people, but I had a hard time containing my laughter.
--Regarding MONEY:
most of my friends were killed for money
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
don't know anyone who died of a terminal illness
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
had none
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've been in many situations where I could have died, and know that
one day I will die. I am more curious than afraid (although I don't
really want to find out what happens anytime soon)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Everyone dies, and that prospect doesn't frighten me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Actually, I was recently discussing death with a friend of mine.
This questionanaire brought back some old memories.
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Date: Tue, 7 Jan 1997 10:16:28 -0800
F17 From: Cumberland, Maine =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More about me:
I have a strong belief about death
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 80.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Date: Sun, 5 Jan 1997 20:54:48 -0800
M15 From: Clute, Texas =US=
F16 From: Clute, Texas =US=
Name: Alex and Sarah Springs Email: <ksprin-at-mastnet.net>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
was just looking
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
freaked
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
burying him at the cemetary and seeing him layed out in his coffin
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it ends suffering of some people
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
getting to know that he wasn't going to be there anymore
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved him
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they gave him drugs to end his sufferings which he grew an addiction to.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
he wouldn't be there for Christmas that year!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I lose my loved ones.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
cry forever.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
relized that it would happen to me one day.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratefulness
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing really.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weapons that people in grievance could use against me, esp. a knife
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
never happened.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I live forever!!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Fell out of the upstairs window into rosebushes
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Distractions
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Pretty good.
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Date: Sun, 5 Jan 1997 20:59:54 -0800
f55 From: Reno, Nevada =US=
Name: Sharon Email: <sharonac-at-powernet.net>
Web: http://www.angelfire.com.nv/SharonsCraftShack/index.html
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I just put death or dying in excite search engine. I was looking for a place
to say something important to me.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: No books. Working with Hospice has been my big help.
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Super Nuculear Palsy. ; Aged: 75yrs.
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--Death Is:
Beautiful. Warm and Peacful.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was 8yrs old. I was young and scared.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Was being afraid.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not something to fear.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The best I can answer is The Warm feelings I have when I am able to help
some die peacefully.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
Hospice and God.
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
Not having them with me. Not being able to touch them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
One of the things that bothers me is when some one is dying and they say
"I want to die". Believe them. They mean it. Talk to them about their death.
Tell them about the peace and the warm light.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
When my friend died I had already learn how strong the dying can be but
she was stronger than anyone I have taken care of.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
This is hard to answer. I have no confusion. Working with Hospice helps
you past this.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't remember wanting to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To see my friend walk. I had dreams about her walking.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there and help her go gently.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
How long it took her to die after she could not take in water or food.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Hard one. Her wish not to have a feeding tube.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wake up from a dream about being there.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I am comfortable with my time of dying.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Wonder. The hospice people did more than any doctor could have done.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I have god and nature.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe it is spiritual and I am so peaceful with it.
--Regarding MONEY:
none in this case. She was my patient But a good friend.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Knowing the moment when she died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Some times the dying person becomes very hungry. Sleeping alot. Listen
to them when they tell you good bye.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
When you see a person accept their death it is beautiful.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I haven't reached that yet.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am comfortable with my mortality. Death is welcome when my time comes.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Support Group
My focus now is with Hospice care. I deal with death well.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
My first death was my Dad and I was 8 years old. I was afraid as any
child would be.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was great. I had some things to say and the questionnaire gave me a
chance to say them. Thank You
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Date: Sun, 5 Jan 1997 22:46:24 -0800
m21 From: St george, Utah =usa=
Name: Erik Rowland Email: <iceman-1-at-juno.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The Book of Mormon
Authors: Mormon, Nephi, Alma, Joseph Smith, and many others
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: bone cancer; Aged: 78.
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--Death Is:
all part of life and is necessary for our eternal progression.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt at ease knowing that I would meet with them again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the joy we all felt knowing that the pain he was feeling before the time
of his death now was over.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not an end to everything
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the one that I lost was now at peace.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
my own personal beliefs.
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
not having him around for the next little while.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Date: Sun, 5 Jan 1997 17:35:21 -0800
F38 From: Fort Hood, TX =USA=
Name: Holly Shaltz Email: <hjshaltz-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
The Grief & Loss Resource Centre; from Sgt Mom's page
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The Mourning Handbook
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 30 months ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 62.
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--Death Is:
a time of letting go of this physical existence, and moving on to some form of
existence that we know nothing about. It is frightening to us, as we place great
value on the physical, material world, and we have very little faith that what
comes next will be good.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
froze up my feelings so I could assist others who were also bereaved.
Unfortunately, it took me 10 years to finally come to terms with that frozen grief,
to let it out and experience it, and I had to do it alone.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
having to bury my feelings to spare those of others. Meeting my husband's
family for the first time after losing my father of a sudden heart attack at the
age of 47, and having to say over and over and over "It's nice to meet you....under
the circum stances"
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that while it's a lonely and scary leap into whatever lies beyond, without
death there could be no life. We are dying from before we are born. Might as well
accept that and cultivate a sense of adventure about it!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the opportunity to ease my mother's transition into whatever lies beyond this
life. I was closer to her at that time than I have ever been in my life. I was
able to hold her hand and stroke her forehead and tell her it was OK to let go.
This was t he most profound experience I have ever had, not excluding the births of
my 3 kids.
--What was of most support to me in my death experience was:
having someone I could talk to, without reservation, and know that my feelings
would not be judged. This was not available to me, but I know it is the most
important form of support a grieving person needs.
--And the most difficult for me in my death experience was:
not being able to talk with my mother about her feelings concerning dying. I
tried several times, but she always changed the subject. I'll never know if it was
just her attitude that she shouldn't 'burden' her children, or if I just couldn't
find t he right words.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be silent if she wants you to be, talk gently if needed, laugh when it seems
appropriate, express your feelings freely so long as they
