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See Current contributions.
See Oct 03 contributions.
See Sep 03 contributions.
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Sun Nov 30 12:12:19 2003
F20 in Apple Valley, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 3.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how horrible i felt and thinking of how little my cousin was and
how scard she must have been
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my own personal thought and feelings
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
really listen to what they are telling you, no matter what it might
have to do with or what it might be
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i thought about why it happened
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
let the situation go and think positively about the whole situation
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had no idea it was going to happen and i was not able to help in
any way except after the fact and i could only "be there" for my
other family members
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did their best and their help is always appreciated
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a great deal, prayer helped my family a lot
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There wer not any real issues, my cousin was very young and I just
wish I could have spent more time with her
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would not like to know that my death was coming soon. Knowing
would not help me in any way
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I listened to what they had to say
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I did not get a lot out of this questionnaire
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Wed Nov 26 03:17:23 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
google
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: .
--Details:
I don't even know which illness she had, that is, I don't remember.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
that the physical system of a persons stops working, and the person
stops existing physically. We loose the person, and can't be with
him/ her anymore. We believe that something lives on, but that is
only a weak consolation.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt deeply affected, very sad, and thought about death as such
a lot.
--That first time, how it happened was
My great grandmother died after some months of illness.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that we were sad.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it can be talked about and is not something everybody should
largely keep to himself.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
How I came to rely on the belief that there is heaven and people
can meet again there.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My ability to console myself by thought constructions.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Forgetting my feelings of guilt.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there, and don't make demands. Sit there as you would when
the person was just lying there being tired, and you keep him/
her company.
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
To tell people once in a while that you love them, because you
never know when they die, and then you might not have said it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw my great grandmother at the funeral, and she was lying there
being dead.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I dealt with the death in my own pace. I thought about it when I
was in the mood of thinking about it, and lived normally in-between.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to her more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I don't remember any such thing.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw her lying dead there, and almost immediately then started to
think "I will see her again". I felt so moved by this thought that
I almost started crying. I was only 12, and my Mom misunderstood
my facial expression and told me she could understand that seeing
her dead shocked me, but that wasn't the case, it helped me.?
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
nothing
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
no, I don't
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
No, I don't, she was very old and couldn't possibly still live
today. But she died before the reunion of the two Germanies, and
I wished she could have experienced it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had such a hard life, and that her husband was alone then
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
no
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt shocked.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
it did what it could
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, only my private beliefs counted, and God
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
That there is more to a person than her physical side, that there is
something which stays after physical death, that we keep emotional
connection to dead persons if we were emotionally connected before
their death.
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral had to be payed
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
That it was weird, it felt irreal. Spiritual matters pervaded my
whole thinking, I felt detached from everybody and concentrated
only on my great grandmother, God, and my feelings.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
see above
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there were none, I was surprised
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know of any.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I tried to commit suicide at age 15 by taking sleeping pills, it
was a stupid overreaction, but I felt very calm and just waited
... shortly after, I was glad it didn't work, but the experience
affected my deeply. It made me think about how easy we can end life,
or life can end.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I came to believe I would see her again in heaven.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I had not gone with my Mom to the last visit in hospital, not
knowing it was going to be the last visit.
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Fri Nov 21 06:18:59 2003
F26 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
N/A
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
N/A
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 7 Months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 13.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
very painful to accept and understand. It hurts emotionally
psychologically and spiritually and I find anybody exposed to it
will totally change as a person.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 12 years old when my grandfather (74) died of a brain stroke. At
the time his passing felt so unreal to me because my family would
not let us kids be involved with the funeral preparations, their own
feelings or let us attend the wake. So I feel real numb and haven`t
really had closure about his death. Today, 14 years later I catch
myself reminissing about the old times with him and I miss him.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The pain of the suffering mother. To see her colapse on the way to
the coffin in the church to say good bye for the very last time to
her baby son.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
let children be exposed to it at no matter what age. We can NOT
shield them and it is better for them to deal with a loss and death
when they are young and have lots of questions and are in the care
of parents than to have been spared young and find out later while
they are parents themselves and find themselves overwhelmed.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it brings us closer to the surviving loved ones. To have the
honor to share a emotionally devastating experience with them in
their lives brings forward deeper and more appreciatve relationships.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I am a coward an I just denied and tried to forget fast and avoid
the issue. So I never really got over it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
To know my time will come. It gave me the experience to imagine
myself laying there and to see how my loved ones suffered my
loss. But my faith in god got strengthened but I would feel such
guilt of infliciting so much pain on my loved ones.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
N/A
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
N/A
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The circumstances of his death. It was a joyride and it was
impossible to tell who drove the car him or another person. So
there was no one to blame.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
N/a
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know him for the little time he was on earth.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
N/A
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
N/A
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
N/A
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
N/A
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he died so young and NOW his mother is dying of terminal cancer
and brain tumors which started forming 2 months after his death.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
blank out this event and not remember it at all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
could not believe it and I cried hard.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
N/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
N/A
--Religious Affiliation:
raised catholic but now pentecostal
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
N/A
--Regarding MONEY:
N/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The family seemed to have a tighter identification as a family bond
than just the visitors/friends/neighbors. Sort of the feeling of
a special club.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
N/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
N/A
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
N/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
N/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
N/A
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Her son came to me in a dream. He had no wounds from the accident
and was healthy and glowing and smiling. He was sitting on my couch
in the spot where I saw him sitting last and told me he was OK.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
N/A
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
To know that I am dying would be so hard. I would think about my
little daughter and my family left behind. I would NOT want to see
them in emotional pain or burdenend by my sickness. Who would be
my baby`s step MOm. Will she be good to her. I am mostly focusing
on my child`s mental health state after I am gone. I already know
I would like to be cremated. You see I am from Europe and this
would be the only way to devide my ashes into two countries where
my loved ones can designate a site to visit me. I also want to be
a organ donor and help as many people as I possibly can with what
I still have to bodily offer.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Please do not cry. I do not want to see you hurt. Live on your lives
and try to be as happy as you can. One day we will be joined again.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
N/A
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
N/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
N/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
N/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it let me know myself better to see where I stand in the
griefing process
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
N/A
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Thu Nov 20 20:06:22 2003
F18 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Hospice ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 84.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our body is not a living thing anymore. everything that works
to keep us alive has stoped.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 17 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing him at the wake.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having him in my life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i was very close to him, i dont know how to let hime go.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can talk to my dad now. he never really was an emotional guy and now
since this has happened he has become concerned about my feelings.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctors said he was healthy as ever and then it happened
unexpectedly.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i did laugh at the funeral, it was more of a chuckle. i was thinking
about a good time i had shared with him.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have visited him at the hospital and said good bye, but i thought
i had time and i thought i was to busy with life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have grown up with him in my life all the time, unlike my brother
and sister.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
when they let the dove fly away at the funeral. they said his spirt
was free, but i didn't understand. everytime i see a dove now i
think of him and think it might be his sprit.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what was going to happen to all the valuable stuff?
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
everyone would still get together at my grandmas house for the
holidays and even if it wasn't a holiday family would be there.
now no one goes there, its to depressing.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was healthy and the doctors said he would be fine! the doctors
screwed up!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to someone to make me feel better.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
no its not real, i miss understode what was said.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i don't think they did thier job right
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
church every Sunday or Saturday
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i belive that spirits and deaths are linked
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were so many friends of his there. it was really amazing
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i belive he went to heaven and i believe he is always looking out
for me. sometimes i imagine him just being there with me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i didn't get to say good bye to him. i havent solved that yet.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would tell him sorry that i didnt come to visit him at the hospital
and that i am doing good in school, that he doesnt need to worry.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
this happened with my grandfather. he comes to vist my niece who
is 3 years old. she says to me that he plays with her and all the
sudden she knows how to sing the song "take me out to the ball game"
and she has never been taught that before. she told me that grandpa
taught her.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
it might sound weirod but if i start missing him really bad i talk
to him, i have a picture of us and i talk to the picture of him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i reached out to my sister
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
ya i guess it has
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Thu Nov 20 12:31:13 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
school project
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 11 Months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a way of leaving our bodies and never coming back. Everything stops
working and we die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very sad because the person was very close to me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone crying and praying to god to bring her back.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to deal with it better.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i got over it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
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Wed Nov 19 22:32:22 2003
F22 in IL =USA=
Name: Heather
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo search
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Prof/Studies: Sociology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I wasn't ready to say goodbye; A mother loss workbook; Angel Catcher;
Desiny of Souls
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Brook Noel & Pamela D. Blair, PhD, Diane Hambrook; C.S.W., M.S.W.,
and Gail Eisenberg; Kathy and Amy Eldon; Newton
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: murder by a robber; Aged: .
--Details:
She was living in Mexico (3 years) and a robber broke into her
apartment and attempted to rob; she heard him and resisted and he
panicked and killed her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Something that happens when a person's body systems are hindered
or cease to work anymore. The body dies, and the spirit is released
into another dimension.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
It was when my Mom died in July 2003.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Mother was murdered by a robber in July 2003.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I wish I could stop time, just so it would be closer to the
day she was alive.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the afterlife. And how our loved ones are around. I think our society
needs to study the afterlife more, and the ego; as in how the ego
feels the need to be physically with the person who died and this
results in emotional pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My boyfriend and my grandmother. Also a medium/psychic who was 100%
accurate in sentimental knowledge in which he couldn't have known.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My mother was murdered. We were really close. We were more like
sisters than mother-daughter. I was her baby.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to tell them that you are proud of them for being such a strong
person.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am a lot stronger than I thought.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the Mexican police told us what happens. When I would visit my Mom,
many people would say that the Mexican police are not very honest,
they tell you what you want to hear. So I was concerned about what
really happened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Well, I saw her the last time in March. Thank god I went on that
trip to see her for 2 weeks. It was good. I am glad I got to say
goodbye. The only thing was when she was leaving me at the terminal
we hugged and said goodbye; and usually I will turn around and wave
at her and she will wave back. But this time I turned around and
she had already left. That hurts.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I am thankful that I did not have to identify her body. I really
think she had something to do with this. Because they said I had
to identify it, and the next day they said, "Nevermind, it's okay."
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I have that though at least five times a day, "It's not fair."
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hug her again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
My reaction was that I was almost looking outside of myself. I
remember hearing myself saying, "what happened? why? Why? What
happened? Why?" Over and over again. And then I cried really hard.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
very limited resources for support groups and support for grievers.
--Regarding MONEY:
I found out people are very greedy.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
all the emotions are spontaneous and come without warning.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My Mother has visited me once, but I can't remember much of it. I
am sure she will come to me in a dream again.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issues. Just that she will not be here for my wedding,
children, ect.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That she loves me and she's not leaving me. And that we will get
to see each other again. It's just going to take time. But it
will happen.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Well the cool thing about this dream was that I didn't feel the
seperation between me and her. I think that I had transcended to a
higher dimension to 'meet' her and that we were no long physically
seperated. We laughed alot and talked. It was awesome.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not scared of death at all. I just don't want to have to
leave anyone behind.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My boyfriend has been there for me 100%
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
The pain doesn't go away, you just learn to live with it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
I have been abandoned a lot in my life. And when my Mom died,
it created a fear that everyone in my life will abandon me.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have been doing some volunteer work. I also am going to school
to be a social worker/Counselor.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel better now. This questionnaire has opened up some good
feelings for me. It has also helped me to understand my grief
better. Thankyou.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think a question should be added about how people felt seeing
their loved one's body. It's such an painful/weird thing to see.
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Mon Nov 17 20:17:48 2003
F35 in victorville, California =United States=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Certified Nursing Asst.
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More personal info:
no
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: .
--Details:
no
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your body and brain no longer function on their own.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
it was sudden and painfull
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
each person handles death differntly
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
God can help you through anything
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
learning to except it's a part of life
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make peace with God and give them lots of love
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's ok to laugh and think about good and bad times. It's part
of healing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
smell his cologne he used to wear
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't dwell on those things,it's not healthy.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did it have to happen to him?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
coudn't believe it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it wasn't
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot
--Religious Affiliation:
a christian, who loves God.
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't a issue. He had everything in order.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
HE had all walks of life at his funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the not knowing when.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being around family and prayer helped. I must admit crying helped
too. Because it helped relieve the pain and stress.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
None
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
have none
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
nothing, I'm ok. I hope he's in a good place.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was sitting in my living room one day, when I smelt my grandmothers
perfume "beautiful" very strongly. She had been dead for a couple
of months. No one lived with me but my two year old son.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Not wanting to burden my family with my unpaid bils. Or paying for
my funeral.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I wouldn't want to die. I would spen as mush time as I could with
my children.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
keep living, thats what they would have wanted. It's ok to be sad,
and it's ok to be happy if your tired of being sad.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
prayer
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
none
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
everyone was great
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I was ok with the deaths I have experienced in my life, but if you
can help someone else thats good.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
you can ask what you like. It's up to the individual to answer.
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Mon Nov 17 14:15:29 2003
F50 in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 5 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 15.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
going to Heaven to be with Jesus Christ our saviour
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a huge hole inside me. my chest hurts and i cry all the time it seems
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
knowing and believing in JESUS
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
HE DIDN'T SUFFER
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY HUSBAND AND SON
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I MISS HIM SO MUCH, AND KNOWING HE WON'T BE COMING HOME AGAIN
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
TELL THEM ABOUT JESUS, AND HOW HE DIED, SO WE COULD BE SAVED
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
BECAME EVEN STRONGER IN MY FAITH
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
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Mon Nov 17 12:05:54 2003
F22 in pasadena, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
psychology class project, THe teacher gave us a ;ist of studies
being done on the internet.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: an enlarged heart; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving earth and going some place else. when a person dies they
leave their body, and can't come back.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was at my grandma's house and my grndfather stoped breathing. I
was three years old. My mom was crying and talking to him as the
paramdics were taking him away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My Dad's death has been the most significant death in my life. My
whole world changed. We move to a smaller house, I went to a new
school, and my mother and me were always crying. I remember it being
very ard to watch his things being given away and sold... his ca,
his bath robe, cologne, anything that was his or reminded me of him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we do a good job of comferig people at the begining when they lose
aloved one but then we forget that they're still hurting a year
later, two years later etc...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my dad didn't die in front of us. he went to a dinner meetng,
and he died there.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mom
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
everything! all the changes that happened so fast.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can deeply care about how other people are feeling and not just
about death
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
ask him more questions about everything
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have my mom an little sister
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
things come up that he should be able to help with or be a part of.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
my life would be very different. I would be very different. I would
have lived somewhere els, gone to different schools and never would
have been trough such a painful exprience.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
many times
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
my mom tell me that sh told me that night but I don't remember. I
don't rememb knowing until the next day
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they couldn't do anything! he was dead hen the ambulence brought
him to the hospital
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything. My family I don't think could have gotten through it
with out their support.
--Religious Affiliation:
Free Methodist
--Regarding MONEY:
My mom had to work more and money was always an issue, where before
my Dad handled all the money and things seemed fine
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
seeing my dad in the casket.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I've dreamt about him a couple of times
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd be scared but I'm excited abou tbeing with my dad one day
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
It's a combination of things that get you through it. It was my
family, my beliefs, friends, my church
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
there is no one answer. everything was hard about it! Its the fact
that you know they are gone and you can't bring them back! I'm 22
years old now and about to get married and I'm still not over my
father's death. I wish that he was here to give me away and I wish
that he was here to be with my mom so that I dont have to feel guilty
about leaving her. The only thing that has made the pain any easier
is the passage of time because you go on with life and it keeps you
busy so you think about it less often, and you get used to them not
being there, but then there are days a times when it hurts just as
much as it did the day they died because you know that they should
be there and that things would be a lot easier i they were.
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Mon Nov 17 10:37:14 2003
F26 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
a term project for developmental psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, about 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: health issues; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when one ceases to exist on the physical plane.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had to be strong so I would not miscarry my babies.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
other people not accepting my mother's passing.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
is only an end to the physical self on this planet.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my mother is no longer in pain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to talk to them about the "happy times."
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
getting one last chance to say I love you, Mom.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not cry hysterically like everyone else did.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear the song "One More Day" by Diamond Rio. I still sometimes
cry to that.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My mother would be helping me take care of my twins, not my wierdo
mother-in-law.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I couldn't say goodbye.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried hard to save her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. I was sick to death of hearing about "Jesus this!" and
"Jesus that!"
--Religious Affiliation:
nothing specific.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
was the way my mother's stupid boss that always degrading my mom
stood there bawling her eyes out.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how detached I felt.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my mother that I loved her and that I'll be all right.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Just make sure the patient's wishes were taken care of. My mom
did not want to be on machines, so we didn;t make her stay on them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
being pregnant with twins
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 16 19:33:05 2003
F33 in hesperia, ca =usa=
Name: leigh
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
developmental psychology class at college
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Prof/Studies: Tteacher, RN
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The birth that we call dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: sevier heart attack; Aged: 49.
--Details:
he died during the very early hours of christmas eve. I was called
at 4:00 in the morning and told that my father had been taken to
the hospital and that i should get there as soon as possible because
it didn't look very good.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a point in our spirit's life when we no longer need or are able to
continue with our human body. Our body is then barried or cremated,
but our spirits coninue on somewhere else.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and devistated at the thought of NEVER being able
to see them again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the complete devistation of loosing someone so close and needed
to us. He brought a scence of enjoyment that I thought would never
be met by anyone else. I needed my father in so many ways and could
imagine how those needs would further be met. I was a single mom
at the time and eventhough my current husband and i were dating,
my father was the most permanant father-figure my son had and they
were VERY close. I was afraid my son and i would someday forget
him, our memories would fade, and that I might even forget what he
looked like.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's not as final as I once thought it was. I beleived that
once someone died that was it for our relationship. we would
never again have any interactions or contacts. I have now come to
beleive differently.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the support of my freinds and family at these difficult times.
they were a tramendous help. I was/am very lucky that way - to
have such a wonderful support group around me and my family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
constant support from friends and family and having someone to
talk/vent to. I also gained a religous perspective after the death
of my father. That has come to help the most. I have lost others
since my father and death isn't near as devistating or final to me
as it was.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it's finality. feeling/thinking that I would never have or see these
people again. that it was now like I never had them except for the
few memories that would pop up every now and again. I often tried
to remember everything about them and would get very upset when I
would realize that there was something I couldn't remember. I felt
like they were fading away even more and it was just a matter of time
before these very special people would be completely gone for ever.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
there is no right or wrong actions or words, and others are usually
just as confused, angry, and sad as they are. remind them that
they are and will always be loved and it's ok to let go. we'll all
be back together soon! They must be needed more somewhere else for
some other reason.
--[My Father-in-Law's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it was actually my ex-father-in-law. he was dying of cancer and
my son was very close to him. my son and I went to stay with
him and his wife for the last week of his life. it taught my son
somethings that could not have ever possibly been learned otherwise.
No matter what family is family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my father died. I didn't understand why my father had to die at
such an early age. he was a good person, was loved by everyone
that knew him, and was needed and wanted by many people. there were
many people I knew that were bad people (abusive, criminals, abused
drugs/alchol, people that had attempted suiced and just didn't
want to be here, and people that i considered plain out evil)
why my father and not one of them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i don't remember experiencing this
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him again and tell him how much I loved him and appreciated
him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend as much time with him as I did. I had recently moved back home
with my parents. I had been living out of state for the two years
prior and anly saw my father for about a total of 20 days a year.
when i moved back to the state, i moved back home with my son.
after we moved out again i was only an hours drive away and we saw
my parents regularly. i was/am so glad i got that extra time with
him and that my son was able to become so close with him even though
he was also hurt over the loss, he gained memories that could have
never been granted otherwise.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something significant is happening in our lives, or when one of
us makes an unusual acheivement I wish my father was there and
imagine how he would contribute to the event. mostly when it
comes to my son. my father would make over everything he did, no
matter how little or big, and it would make him feel remarkable,
but he truly was proud of him. now my son is an athletic and very
scholastic child and has turned out to be a great and wonderful
child, I only wish my father was here to see him in all that he
is and does. my father also had a way of giving little talks like
no one else, and someway or another they were so useful. as much
as i try to continue that on, it makes me think of my father and
wish he was here to do his job for me, he was just better at it -
and i miss those talks too.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i try not to think about it too much, because it upsets me. I can
never have it so i don't want to pretend i can. however, during a
certain event i might imagine how he would contribute to that very
moment - and we usually have a good laugh about it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't understand why my father had to die at such an early age.
he was a good person, was loved by everyone that knew him, and was
needed and wanted by many people. there were many people I knew
that were bad people (abusive, criminals, abused drugs/alchol,
people that had attempted suiced and just didn't want to be here,
and people that i considered plain out evil) why my father and not
one of them.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back for good. but not for just one more moment, i
couldn't bare to loose him all over again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
no...it can't be true. I had to see him for myself to believe it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
confidence. i appreciated their compasion for my entire family.
i beleive my father was actually dead at home, but the paramedics
new how long it would take for the cornenor to come so he could be
removed from the home (it was christmas eve about 3 in the morning
they probably couldn't have removed him until that night after
everything was said and done) but they attempted to revive him in
the ambulance on the way to the hospital were he was prenounce
DOA. when i got there, no one had seen him, they just assumed
they couldn't, but i insisted and they were very accomidating and
adicuatly prepared me for what i would see (to the best of their
ability) and allowed me to stay as long as I wanted.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
we could be together again. that our lives together weren't in vain.
it all was for something and it would all cometoger again some day.
--Religious Affiliation:
the Church of Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka: Mormon or LDS)
--Regarding MONEY:
my mother wanted and did to have my father cremated. she said
that not only could she not afford a traditional bariel service,
my father did not want that because of the money it required, he
simply wanted and was cremated. I still have resentful feeling of
this, though i try/tried to respect her point.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we did not have any funeral services, instead we had a gathering a
freinds and family at a ranch where he enjoyed and where freinds
and family often gathered. it was a potluck and people simply
shared memories. I had/have mixed feelings of this type of service
for my father.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
still not being able to get completely past it. I often feel guilty
(and will cry and ask his forgivness) if i forget his birthday or a
special/significant date that involved him. - it's weird because
when he was alive i often forgot these dates and i would simply
reconize them when i remembered, it was never a big deal to him.
I think my guilt now comes from the fear that it's because i am
forgeting him,
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
at this point the only unresolved issues i can think of that i have
is that i still don't like to hear people speak of my father in
a bad way, especially my mother (I think a small part of me still
blames her. she was very demanding of him) I should probalby seek
the opinions of a perfesional about this, but I don't want to "fix"
this yet.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I often have dreams about my father - i don't hold them in any
significant way only that it's my way getting to see and hear
him again. I am simply greatful for them and smile over them.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
after the death of my father, i did begin to think what about my,
and so, at the age of 26, my husband and i purchased our barial
plots and began making certain legal arrangments in the event of
our death. during my fathers arrangemnts, many of us disagreed on
what we wanted for him and what he wanted and it caused a certain
amount of resentment to all i'm sure. we didn't want to do that
to our family and we din't want to impose on anyone any more that
necessary financially, so we have take care of as much of those
things as possible, and we did it right away. I hope my freinds
and family abide by these wishes. we have made thse preperations
ourselves because it is what we want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
after the death of my father, i did begin to think what about my,
and so, at the age of 26, my husband and i purchased our barial
plots and began making certain legal arrangments in the event of
our death. during my fathers arrangemnts, many of us disagreed on
what we wanted for him and what he wanted and it caused a certain
amount of resentment to all i'm sure. we didn't want to do that
to our family and we din't want to impose on anyone any more that
necessary financially, so we have take care of as much of those
things as possible, and we did it right away.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i loved my family more than anything, and will miss and be missed by
them tremendously. i loved serving others but before anything i was
a mother, wife, and daughter. my son and husband meant everything
to me. i was a teacher and a nurse and loved doing both.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i submerged my self in my newly found religoin and tried to gain
as much knowlege on their perspective of death as i could because
it all seemed to make sense and offered a great deal of comfort.
I also began to get involved in various service/charitable events.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
my family and freind helped and were very supportive. time its
self helped the most i guess.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i wouldn't say it's been helpful to me personaly other than hoping
that my participating might help someone else. it has been several
years and i've talked to several people about it all. again i'm
very lucky to have had the support group that i have had, and that
i was able and willing to use them. i believe i've come to grips
with my fathers passing and my personal believes of death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I'm not completely clear on your objective here, so I don't feel
qualified to make such recomendations.
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Sun Nov 16 15:33:07 2003
F35 in California = ?? =
Name: Lara
Email: <lara-at-magicpants.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
I forgot, sorry
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 18 Months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: .
--Details:
He locked himself in his storage closet with a bbq. We thought he
was just missing. I found him 5 days after. It was ugly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too little to understand.
--That first time, how it happened was
This wasn't the first death I've lived through, but it is the most
significant. My father committed suicide on my birthday. I found
his body 5 days after.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock, the questions, the anger.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's going to happen. Some people will appear happy and healthy, but
inside they're miserable and need us more than they'll say. Suicide
is not taboo. It happens all the time, and it's not to be ashamed of.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the help my friends and family extended without asking for anything
in return.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A friend's quiet understanding and warm lap to lay my head on.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Post traumatic stress made me fearful, terrified day and night. My
mind was overloaded and I was "seeing" my father's dead body follow
me around.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You don't have to say anything, but do pay attention. Allow them
to talk. Guide them gently, never insist.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
It's easy to love people far away. It is not always easy to love
those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve
hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved
in our own home.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why did he choose my birthday? Why couldn't he have the strength
to get through his pain?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My family wanted to go to group counseling one night, but I really
wanted to go the carnival. Just one night of something other that
grief and death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Pay more attention, spend more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the playful relationship with him that I had.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
They made a point to make eye contact with me when I first arrived,
and they held it. They were checking in with me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Thinking they have to talk about it. Sometimes you don't want to,
sometimes you do.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear his songs, think of the summers spent with him when i was a
little girl. See the things he loved. Smell his scent on his clothes.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
He's appeared in many dreams that I can't say weren't real.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I oftened wondered if my family was to blame for things I won't
mention here.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Explode. Go back in time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
WHY?????????
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Lacks after care. How do I clean up his death place? What should
I expect from experiencing this?
--Regarding MONEY:
People change when money is involved. They have self interests.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I wish I was able to plan more.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Ghosts.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
telling stories about the deceased, even humorous ones is
encouraged. Please excuse me if my behavior is odd after a death,
don't expect me to explain because I can't.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I wonder if he's stuck having to learn what he avoided learning by
committing suicide.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There is nothing I can do about it now. Remember to solve issues
with people when we're alive.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Dreams where he wanted to come back, but I had to tell him he
couldn't. I smell him sometimes. I was saved from a full bottle
about to fall on my head by him I believe.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The deceased person's wishes should be granted always, however, if
it causes great stress to someone, then perhaps it should be changed
a bit. The deceased may not have realized the stress it would cause.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
All the time. It could happen today, tomorrow, next year...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I had to call him by his last name when his ashes were given to me,
not his first name. I kept his Gremlin doll and sometimes put it
in the back window of my truck to face the drivers behind me. That
makes me laugh.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, it's private.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
Don't hold back. Cry, laugh, yell if you want to. Just let it out.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Post traumatic stress
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My father's best friend's, who's deceased, son called to ask about
his father. I had to tell him he had died, but I was able to share
stories and mailed all the photos of his father that I had. Even
though his dad was dead, he knew more about him after talking
with me.
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Sun Nov 16 14:10:06 2003
F36 yrs in victorville, california =united states=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Holy Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Inspired by the Holy Spirit, but written by men of God
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 25 Years ago.
Cause of Death: medical problems; Aged: 50's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A part of life. Depending on how you live your life on earth and
if you have accepted JESUS CHRIST as your savior or not, will decide
where you spend eternity; which is after death.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Wqs afraid that that person would somehow try to visit me. I was
upset and angry.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My family life was altered forever for the worst.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is a new beginning and just a part of life that lasts longer
than life on earth.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
live life to the fullest. live for today,because no one is
guranteed tomorrow.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family support and just being young. Realizing what happened but
able to bounce back quickly.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I knew my mother had no other immediate family except us kids and
her biggest supporter and friend was gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there, don't try to always have the correct answer to
the questions. Just be there and be a good listener, not a talker.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
got through it. I know they were in a much better place than here
on this earth suffering.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I could not understand the body decaying in the grave part.
Now that I'm older, I know the spirit separates from the body.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laugher is good . sometimes when you can't cry laugher may be
from a memory you had with that person.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Ask my grandmother if she had accepted Jesus as her savior before
she died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for my mother and that she took the death pretty well.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
You look around you and notice all the people who are taking a
closer look at their lives and wandering when thier will be.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Everyone worrying about the deceased possessions and who is going
to get what.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm pretty much over it. The only time I ever get teary-eyed is
when I feel all alone and wish she was there to talk to.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My life would be much different than today. The reason being is that
she would have given me true reasons for my actions I was taking.
She would have made me see the other side of the situation.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I thought that it wasn't fair either ecause she was the nicest
person I knew.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Just talk to the person.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew it was coming but still was a shock
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did all thet could do at the time.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
No experience with this agency.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Accepting Christ as Lord, reading His words,sharing His grace with
all I come into contact with.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Came orginally from God and has now completed it's purpose here on
earth and is now returning to Him if you accepted His son
The
spirit came from the Lord and has completed it's purpose here on
earth and is returning to the Father.
--Regarding MONEY:
If there was any, people tend to fight about the use and manager
of it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Alot of people took the death hard.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How could a person who never attended church have a service there
and everything taht is said about that person is good ever if the
were the town drunk.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Any change in the normal eating or sleeping patterns of the sick
person.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
never
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want her to tell me that she is in heaven with Christ and
I would rest alot easier.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
never
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would make sure I have a last will and teatament or a living will.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would make sure I'm straight with God, don't have any grudges
with anyone and rest assured that as soon as I close my eyes I'll
be in heaven with Christ that quick.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
A beloved sister in Christ, good mother, wife and friend.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just kept her ring that she wore everyday. Sometimes to feel
closer to her I would put it on my finger.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just to be there and be good listener.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think the questionnaire was very though and got to some very
personal parts of ones feeling . The survey will be a help to
anyone who is greiving a loss.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
The questions wrer great, no need to re-word.
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Wed Nov 12 22:35:05 2003
F23 in Hesperia, Ca =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Jim Previte...Victor Valley College
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sylvia Browne, John Edward
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: emphysema and kidney damage; Aged: about 55.
--Details:
My grandfather had just moved in with us from down the hill.
He went into the hospital less then a week later, so it was almost
like he came home to die.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our existance on Earth, but not the end of our soul's
lives.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was comforted only when a friend told me that I should "Rejoice
when a person dies because he is back with God, and mourn when a
person is born because he is away from home."
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How petty the people around my grandfather were. His children
fought over every little thing, and I thought that made his death
less important and their arguments more.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is not the end of existance.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I felt closer to my grandfather after his death, because he was
always available for me to talk to.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Sylvia Browne's views on life after death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
How much I would miss the person, a totally selfish feeling.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Rejoice when a person dies, mourn when a person is born.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that death is sometimes better then the life we're leading
at the time we die.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he moved in with us right before he died. Did he feel better
because he was finally somewhere where he wouldn't die alone?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him more personally.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
understand his joy at being away from the pain.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he came home to die.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I just realize I'll never see him again.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he had to lead such a hard life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get an answer from him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
would never see the person again, never be able to tell him I
love him.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
admiration.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I had no contact with hospice, he went into the hospital and died
pretty quickly.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that life goes on.
--Religious Affiliation:
was Catholicism
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
exactly correct. The spirit goes on forever.
--Regarding MONEY:
we didn't have enough to make sure he was respectfully buried.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone there was gay.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling closer to him afterwards.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
acceptance of death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
don't fight the grieving process, everyone must go through them.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have none, I wish I did.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Nobody can help me with my issues but God.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd like to hear that he's happier now then he was life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandfather visited me after his death. It helped me to realize
he was in a better place. He did nothing but look over his son (my
father) and rock back and forth. The most outstanding part of it
was the fact that he had a full head of hair, and he was bald before
he died. I saw him in the middle of the night, and when we awoke
the next morning my father told how he could smell my grandfathers
cologne. It was a very significant verification of my experience.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The custody of my son is what worries the most upon my death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I will die, but I know that when I die I'll go back home.
Everything will be better and ok and I'll feel like I have learned
from my life here on Earth.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Constance Oliver passed away last week in her sleep. Her funeral was
attended by so many people, the line to say goodbye to her went out
the door. Everyone asked remembered her for being there for others,
and her humor. We all will miss Connie.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I write a letter to the person who has died and burry it with them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
The shoulders of friends and family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My grieving process comes most out of being there for others.
I like to be the shoulder because it helps me to put my grief aside
for awhile and help them with theirs.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes it has been helpful in reminding me that death is not the end
and is not something to fear. The only part I'm afraid of is the
actual dying.
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Wed Nov 12 10:57:38 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 8 Months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 41.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
having a piece of me cut away with no anesthesia
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
a little girl
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my grandpas birthday when his daughter died
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens to us all at a moments notice and there is no rigid
rules of grieving or a pattern to follow
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my husband and I were together, our children were not alone with
him at the time without me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing but myself to lean on
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having no one to lean on but me
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk about the things important to you and them
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
did not know what true love was until he left me
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he died where did he go, why am I still here
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
death makes us unpredictable
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how important he has been in my life and how much i
appreciate him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
promise to take care of our kids and that I loved him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
no one understood he was not coming home, only I knew this
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
their feelings
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss him daily moment by moment
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew he would leave me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Abandonment
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Tue Nov 11 20:12:52 2003
F29 in Hesperia, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
school/assignment
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a experience that will help you become a stronger person
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was real little and really didn't know what that meant
--That first time, how it happened was
relative
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my family was upset, and everything seemed gloomy
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to handle it better, there are too many people who take their
life after somone dies
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how i have grown from this experience
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
being a good listener
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
overcame that it, but it took a while, so dont give up
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
how it can happen so sudden
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spenf more time with my grandfather
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go to his funeral
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i first noticed my grandfather dimenishing in front of my own eyes
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the amount of people that come to the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of my husband leaving me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be good now beacues I am closer to where my grandfather
lived
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we have to loose loved ones
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not even think about death, and that it would never happen to my
loved ones
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
in shock at first
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot to me
--Religious Affiliation:
Mormon
--Regarding MONEY:
My uncle took alot of money from my grandfather so it played a big
part after he died
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all of the family being there
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that some people can be cremated
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the deterioration of that person
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
that I wouls know that the person was dying and I could prepare
for it
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I dont knowif they experinced that or not
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont have any unsolved issues, but I wish my mother and uncle
would resolve this.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that I love my grandfather, and wish that he was still here.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My other grandfather came to see my sister when she was really. the
next day she asked why grandpa was in her room the night before.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Always take care of family and children
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am scared of leaving my family. I want to die before my hausband
does so I dont have to worry about his death.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Loved and remembered wife, mother, daughter, and sister. She was
always happy and loved to be around her family.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
being aroound alot of people that will help you cop with it
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
dont know
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not really
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was unable to do so, but I would help people now if this was to
occur again
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was helpful but a little too long.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
the questions need to be shorter and not so much in depth
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Tue Nov 11 14:20:29 2003
F26 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: colon cancer; Aged: 46.
--Details:
The cancer had ate a hole in a vein in her stomach, she had
swollen from the cancer, her stomach was the size of a beachball.
I t eventually shut her organs down and the toxins from her liver
went all through her body and the toxins took her life. A week
or so was the hardest watching her talk to people that was'nt
there and see things that was'nt there , she would not know some
of the family members, and there was once she even tried to get
out of bed. This was a woman that was going to pass away in a day
or two. It's strange how the cancer and the toxins made her act.
It's really a terrible illness.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Going to happen there is no way around it. there is no set time
that you are going to die, but when the Lord decides that he wants
to take you there is no avioding it. And people saying that time
heals all wounds is wrong. Because when you have seen a lived
one die first hand it never gets easier. There is always going to
be hurt. You will always think about that person and miss them.
but there is some comfort in knowing that one day you will see them
again when its your time to go.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
The first time i ever experienced death i was about 10 or 11 my
great grandpa past away at 97 years old. there has been several
deaths in my family and with friends since then.
--That first time, how it happened was
My aunt had colon cancer, I was close to my aunt she had been
battling it for about twa and a half years. Not only was I invovled
with it my whole family watched her pass away in the hospital.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
When my aunt took her last breath and her three children laying
there heads on their mother, crying, and wishing that they had just
one more minute with her.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my aunt was no longer in pain.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that you will not see them again until its your turn to
die too. That anything that you wanted to say to this person is
to late once they are gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I would not want to see another human die its a very hard thing to
watch. Because no one wants to see a loved on pass away. But the
most important thing is that you made there last moments peaceful.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there more and to have told her how much I really loved her and
how important she had been in my life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They tried to take the cancer away but all of the treatments in the
world couldnt help her it was her time to go. I believe that her
doctors did a wonderful job and made her as comfortable as possible
in the end.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
There was no hospice involved she got to stay in the hospital until
she died. She didnt want to die at home.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Going to church with my family, talking to preacher about death. And
just being there for all of my hurting loved ones. Praying helps
to and reading your bible about grieveing and death helps too.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe there is only one god, one sone, and one holy spirit.
That the way I was raised to believe and thats how I will always
believe.
--Regarding MONEY:
There was none. Money is just a material thing, yes you need it
to live but, its not everything and its never been an issue in my
family or at any way associated with death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was a nice funeral everyone was respectful.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
In cancer : In the last stages, swelling of the body, lose of
blood, fixed gaze, halucinations, rambling with speech, the smeel of
death( a dying person has a stinch), death rattles(often mistaken
for congestion), yellowing of the skin from organs shuting down.
There are just so many things. Its really a horrible death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She seemed to always see a man in black in the hospital room with
her. She said she wasnt afraid of him, but she also didnt want
him there. we knew what it was, we felt it was the angel of death
coming for her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Having dreams about my aunt and that she was still alive and didnt
know she had cancer. and when I asked her to go get checked for it
her and her husband laughed at me and to me I was wrong. That was
a strange and hurtful dream.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be scared but I would also have comfort in knowing that im
going to see my loved ones again in heaven.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
Family support.
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Tue Nov 11 13:37:08 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I'm interested in social psycholoogy and have been researching the
web for info.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 30.
--Details:
She was in an abusive relationship for an unknown lenght of time
that she ended a month prior to her murder. She had been hospitalized
due to a violent a ttack by her murderer a month before the murder,
which solidifed the break-up. The day she went to court to get
a restraining order, he followed her and killed her and her male
friend who took her to get the restraining order.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as we understand it. It means no new memories will
be made with this person, as they can no longer interact with you.
It is an emotion that can't be understood until you experience it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 2 years old. It was my father's dad, whom I don't remember.
I was told that I cried when I saw that others were crying.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I don't know. Maybe the hurt... The most vivid image I have is
the day it happened. I remember being home form school and my
grandmother seeing the murders reported on the news. they didn't
say names, but she knew it was my mother. I saw her reaction,
but I din't know what she was reacting to, since i hadn't
seen the news. I remember the police, family, church members,
etc.. ariving at the home. I asked to go outside, adn it was as
if I was intentionally trying to be oblivious t waht was going on.
I knew soemthing was wrong, but wanted to go on with life until
someone told me exaclty what it was. All my neighborhood freinds
that I was outside playinig wiht wanted to know what was going on
at my house, but I kept saying I didn't know. I guess I doon;t
know why I was os calm. THen my uncle called me home, and I knew
I was about to find out what thappened. I imagine that was the
hardest thing for my grandmother to say to me, then 9. I helped
her because as she said she had something to tell me i asked if it
was about my mom. When she said, "yes" I asked if she was dead,
and she said, "yes." That's when I screamed and reasoned that it
won't only make sense for me to kill his daughter, my school mate and
friend. Of course i came to my senses, but it was the first thing
I said. I remember going to bed late and waking up early. I remeber
not being able to sleepp in my mother and I's room for months. NOt
until the room completely took on a new identity,. I could go on,
but I guess it's safe to say taht everything is till very vivid.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
You can't relate unless you've experienced it, and with that each
person responds differently.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandparents were able to provide in ways that my mother, a single
mom would never have been able to do - education,etc... Also, I
think it matured me in a lot of ways. When I have children I hope
that they, too, can develop the same kind maturity and character
that I've gained. I know that it will come with a dear price, though.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Prayer... Only GOd can understand, only God can listen forever
without getting tired or without me feeling like i"m depressing
someone. I mean, I was only a kid and i learned that - it wasn't
taught to me - it was in me. I would talk to God all the time... I
would cry...ask why...get angry, etc... but some where deep inside
I knew he was listening and I knew there was a reason. I also know
that he hurt with me and wanted to comfort me. I was reading in
the gospel of Luke and Jesus encountered a widow who was on the
way to bury her only son, and he turnede to her and comforted her.
He noticed her situatin and he comforted her and brought her son
back to life. We don't see miracles like that today, but the
message still stands for me that God knowws and cares about my hurt.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
She didn't get to see me grow up. Everytime I accomplish something
I'm reminded tha she is dead. there are still things that will
happen that she won't be at and will never know about.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Smiling and comforting them. Telling them you love them. Really
jsut being there. This was something I got to do for my maternal
grandmother as she died of cancer.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me church was more about me and God talking.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christianity
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
I don't htink you ever stop dealing with a death. I still discover
feelings, insecurities, etc...
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
I don't think my family eally understands how my mother's death
followed by my maternal grandmother's 10 years later have really
affected me. I don't feel any connection to my family - not tha
we don't interacct with each other, but I just don't feel like I
belong to the family. I feel very strongly that my mother was my
attachment to the family. My family lost a sibling, but there are
other siblings. They still have something that makes them feel like
family and connected. I don't have that in anyway. I've always felt
like a burden, and don't feel emotionally connected to my family.
I love them and believe that they love me, but it's a feeling of
disassociation that I just can't shake.
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Sat Nov 8 23:54:07 2003
F35 in San Francisco, ca =USA=
Email: <nanadae-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Research for a novel brought me here
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Prof/Studies: Manager
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 26 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 52 years old.
--Details:
She suffered a long time from stomach cancer. I wanted her to
die because she was in a lot of pain and was medicated heavily.
My whole family broke up when she died because she was the glue
that kept us together.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body dies and the essence is released.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt a guilty relief.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
knowing that my family would never be the same.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is something you should talk freely about.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she was no longer in pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reading books about death rituals in other cultures.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
nobody in my family wanted to talk about it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
physical contact.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
reached out to learn how other cultures and peoples dealt with death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I went to the open casket funeral. I didn't understand why we were
supposed to look at her body when she was dead.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it didn't surprise me but I felt that I needed to keep it secret.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let her know that I was aware she was dying. We weren't supposed
to talk about it around her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her and to feel her love before she died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I took a trinket that belonged to my grandmother and brought it out
of its hiding spot when I wanted to think about her after she died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to look at her dead body in the casket.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how long she suffered.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The alternate reality would give us the option to die whenever we
chose to if we were suffering.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was going to die because she was such a kind woman.
I wish my grandfather could have taken her place because he was mean.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have all the answers.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
looked to my father to see how he was going to react.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sadness because they had no idea how to truly treat my grandmother
or allow her to die with dignity.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
that it was cold and smelled bad.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. I did not go to church.
--Religious Affiliation:
none.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a collective consciousness.
--Regarding MONEY:
everybody wanted an expensive funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was unnecessary.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
sitting at the funeral and feeling like I had to cry because this
was the time to cry. After the funeral it was supposed to be over.
No more crying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
loss of recognition of family members and friends.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
simply giving this person love and contact was more important than
her really knowing who I was.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
There are guides that welcome us and give us the opportunity to say
goodbye in our own way to our life we are leaving. They give us
the choice to pass of in we wish it and are supportive of either
choice, even if we decide to stay and live.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel someday I will have the opportunity to connect with my
grandmother again and we will be able to talk about everything I
was unable to because I was a child.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just want to remind her that I will always love and honor
her. Hopefully she will let me know that she is in a better place.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
When I die, I do not want to be buried. I want to be cremated.
I don't want a funeral. I want a wake where everybody gets drunk
and stays up all night talking about life and death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am comfortable with the knowledge that death is inevitable. I do
not fear it. It is as natural as living. I will hopefully be able
to positively contribute to the world before I have to pass on.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Now that I'm gone, I hope you all are talking about death. Not just
my death, but death in general. We don't talk enough about it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I took a statue of the virgin mary from the funeral and used to feel
like a piece of my grandmother's soul was somehow within the statue.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I became much more involved in mysticism/occult activity after this.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
I did become involved in research on death/occult/mysticism
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
I was not brought up to have any sort of believe system in regards
to what happens after you die. You simply died.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I understood my father wasn't able to reach out to me since it was
his mother and he was suffering too much. I wish I was older and
could have been more of a support for him.
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Thu Nov 6 21:55:03 2003
F27 in Apple Valley, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Term project for developmental psych class.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Leaving behind our temporary life on earth to begin our eternal life
(hopefully with God).
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in about 6th grade. My best friends grandpa had cancer and
was living with them. He died while I was there visiting. I just
remember so much crying.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my Great Aunt Berta. She died of cancer so the family knew
it was going to happen. Berta spent four years taking care of her
husband who died of lukemia. Then not long after that she was told
she had brest cancer. After she under went radiation treatments she
was told that the cancer was gone. Then after about a year she was
told she had cancer in her glands. Because she had already suffered
through her husbands death and the first battle with breast cancer
she decided not to have any further treatments. They put her an a
lot of meds for the pain and stuff like that. She stayed with my
grandparents and in the end the family took turns taking care of her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone felt about the same way. Everyone was sad because we
would miss her but we were also very happy that she would have no
more pain.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that was knew and lover Berta. She brought so much joy
to everyone around her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The support of my friends and family. And knowing that my family
understood how I felt and that I was not alone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Just missing her so much.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know how much they mean to you. You may never get another
chance to tell them. Also, letting them know it is okay to let go.
Not to hold on to life because they think they need to take care
of us.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't understand why she had to be sick again. She had strugled
so hard with breast cancer and finally beat it. Then all of a
sudden it was back.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her while she was well. She lived hours away
and we weren't able to see her very often.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Help her in her last days. Even if she didn't realize it was
me there. At least she had the people she loved around her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
A few days before Berta died, she was sitting in my grandpa's
recliner and she call me over to her. She grabbed my hands and
told me that she loved me and that I would always be her baby.
I still miss her so much but I am not sad because I know that she
is happy where she is. She feels no pain and is the God that she
loves more than anything. I look forward to the day that I will
once again be with her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Mixed feelings. I don't think anyone's experience with the Medical
Community is ever all good but I have to believe that they did
everything they could for her.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The nurses were very kind. My aunt was very concerned about them
increasing the amount of Vicadin that she was taking because she
didn't want to become addicted to it. The nurses knowing that
she only had a few days to live were very kind and understanding
with her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Jesus is always a part of our life, not just when someone dies.
Knowing that Berta knew God made the process so much easier.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone involved in Berta's funeral knew her. She lived in a small
town for many many years. Of course the people who attended the
funeral knew her but so did the people who worked at the funeral
home.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Nothing like that happened when my aunt Berta died but it did when
my Dad's Uncle died. He died of lung cancer and he was a huge fan
of John Wayne. At the end he kept telling my Dad's aunt and the
staff at the retirment home that John Wayne would come to see him
during the night and would tell him to come with him. He would
tell John Wayne that he couldn't go because his wife needed him
to take care of her. This happened everynight for several weeks.
Finally, the doctor told his wife to tell him it was okay to go,
that she would be fine. She said next time John Wayne comes to see
you go ahead and go with him. That night that she told him it was
okay to go, he died.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just like to tell her one more time how much I loved her
and how much I miss her.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
There was a lot of prayer.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
Knowing that she was ready to go and that she was back with her
husband in a place where she would have no more pain.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
After her death everyone kept telling stories about how wonderful
she was. They were all good memories however, it just made you
miss her more.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I cried a little but I got to remember my Aunt Berta and I have
nothing but wonderful memories of her.
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Thu Nov 6 01:28:28 2003
F49 in Chesapeake, Va =USA=
Email: <tripsgrandma-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: previous travel agent now homemaker
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 26 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: .
--Details:
Motorcycle accident in which I was following husband from behind
due to my pregnancy I did not ride with husband on bike and rode
in own vehicle
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of this life as we know it, a crossing over into another
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very yound and did not understand
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain I felt at the loss of such a young life
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is just another journey
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned compassion
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, friends and books
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen and offer faith and thanks
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to appreciate others and to take one day at a time, never
to let one day go by without showing gratitude for what I have and
what I've known
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to let go
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I needed it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be more grateful and show more love
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be loved and love
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my parents which passed on spoke of others who had during their
dying process
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
???
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss them
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Many times I wonder how my life would have been
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
let go
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in shock
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude and anger
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Not good, I feel they helped bring on the death with the
administration of so much morphine
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not alot although I am spiritual
--Religious Affiliation:
UNITY
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
I did'nt have enough
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
depended on which death as I became older the experience was healthy
in letting go
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing the body of my young husband lay gone
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
coldness of body, talking to the other side
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
helped me to grow and believe more in a higher being God
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
was very true..both parents spoke of the other side
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel healthy
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would wish them love
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
In dreams and thru sounds
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
That they would respect my wishes
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid however I would love to be able to stay awhile so
that I may know my grandson, however I have faith that I will go
when I am supposed to however the death might come
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Nice and generous lady good with people and animals.Big heart,
funny good sense of humor
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
believing in an afterlife
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
being grateful
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My mothers friend helped and continues caring for us
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was there to listen and help them keep their dignity
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I hope it helps in your research
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Wed Nov 5 15:51:50 2003
M46 in Jacksonville, , Florida =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Hospice Northern California
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
--Details:
I received a call the week of my 40th birthday that my mother
was quite ill - a few days later she was diagnosed with terminal
liver cancer. She died one month later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our conscious being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young child, unprepared for what death might be, and given
no support in my grieving process.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How I accepted it better than others in my family... how I was an
emotional support for my mother, who was dying, and for the family.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that openly grieving is OK... to get in touch with why this makes
so many people uncomfortable.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I found my center - my place of stillness and calm - in the midst
of all of the turmoil and pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband, who totally supports me and never admonishes me for
being super-emotional.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The raw pain of everyday life... how other people just think that
you move on in a few days. I wish we still had
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I still had very raw feelings emerge unexpectedly years later.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is an outpouring of emotion just like crying... but at
least laughing feels good.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take more time off work (I was self-employed).
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be the one in my family who accepted the fact that, even though my
mother hadn't been to a doctor in decades, that it was HER choice
on how to live her life. Others in my family were openly angry at
her for not seeing a doctor earlier.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't be living any differently.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we don't know what happens after death.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
speak to my family openly about my mother's life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
numb.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disdain... they seem to not do a very good job when the living
process is coming to a close.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
It saved us all so much hassle and gave us a strong, stable "life
support" for the family.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a public show of ritual that I felt disconnected from.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past - Roman Catholic
Current - None
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
indescribable.
--Regarding MONEY:
It showed us who in the family was greedy and who was not. Some were
anxious to get their money right away, and to the rest of us we
just didn't seem to care.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
That it's tiring for the family, but very good to see old faces.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Watching my family hold true to the old family "roles" - i.e.,
the little brother that was a whiner, the oldest sister that was
the caretaker, etc.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Cesation of eating.... after that it seemed to go very quickly
for both my parents. Their responses via eye movements and
facial twitches to emotional conversations was a surprise.
Labored breathing is hard to listen to and the 'death rattle'
they speak of really is distinct and heart-breaking.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Each death is unique and your resonse to it is unique. Allow
yourself whatever you need to get thorugh it in one piece.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My father 'spoke' to my mother many times during his last few weeks
of life.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I've already had all the conversations with these people that I
need to have - I was fortunate in that I was given this time.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had dreams of / visitations from my mother, but I chalk it
up to my mind working things out. I don't believe in an after-life.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
After watching people jump through hoops to carry out wills and dying
wishes, I give those who remain here after my death the permission to
do whatever they need / want to do to make it easier for themselves.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I dont' wanna go! Yet I think about how I might die at least
several times a week now that both my parents are dead.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I'll let the ones that are left here to worry about that!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Meditation in front of the Buddha in my garden, while I ring a bell.
Burning a piece of paper with my relative's name on it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Being allowed to talk about it endlessly
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
My mother freaked out at how much I needed to cry and openly let
out my emotions. It gave me the impression I was not allowed to
openly cry or grieve.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Absolutely helpful.
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Tue Nov 4 00:07:17 2003
M29 in APPLE VALLEY, CA =US=
Name: JEFF
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: HOUSE HUSBAND/STUDYING FOR SPECIAL ED TEACHER
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: neumonia; Aged: 50.
--Details:
She died alone on christmas and i was supposed to bring my kids
to see her but flaked out. I felt guilt but kind of
expected it
for awile.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
OUR BODYS DO NOT WORK ANYMORE AND WE BEGIN TO RETURN TO THE
EARTH. OUR SPIRITS TRANSCEND TO A DIFFERENT PLAIN OF
EXISTANCE OF
A DEEPER, STRONGER, HAPPIER PLACE. oR JUST SAY
I REALLY DONT KNOW.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
WAS TO YOUNG TO REALIZE WHAT IT WAS
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
MY MOTHER DIED AND MY BROTHER AND I WERE DEVASTATED BUT WE WERE NOT
(AFTER THE REALTY HIT) TO SHOCKED. HER FAMILY WHO HAD PRETTY MUCH
GAVE UP ON HER (SHE WAS AN ALCHOLIC,BUT THEY ALMOST ALL ARE)ALL OF
THE SUDDEN CARED, REALIZING THEIR OWN IMMORTALITY.I REMEMBER GOING
AND GETTING OUR PERSONNEL MEMORIES FROM THE PLACE SHE DIED WHICH
WAS ALSO THE PLACE WERE I GREW UP.ALL I WANTED WAS THE PICTURES.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE SO GET READY FOR IT.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
FOR MY MOTHER, I KNOW SHE IS IN A BETTER PLACE THEN ON EARTH
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY WIFE AND CHILDREN AND BEING ALONE TO REFLECT ON THE GREAT TIMES
I HAD SPENT WITH HER AND TALKING TO GOD.THAT IS ABOUT IT.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
THINKING THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD HAVE DONE TO PREVENT IT
FROM HAPPENING SO SOON.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
LOVE AND THE LOVE OF GOD(I REALLY COULDNT KNOW UNTIL IT
HAPPENED???????????)
--[My Unknown Person's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I HAVE NOT LEARNED ANYTHING THRUE THE DEATHS THAT I HAVE EXPIERIENED
THAT I DID NOT ALREADY HAVE IN ME
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
WHEN MY LONG TIME SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER,FAMILY FRIEND,NIEGHBOR TOOK
HIS 2 YEAR OLD OUT TO THE PLACE WE WOULD FISH AND BLEW HIS AND HIS
OWN HEADS OFF WITH A SHOTGUN.(WITH ABSOLUTELY NO INDICATION TO ANY
OF US)
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
DEPENDING ON THE RELATIONSHIP I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FIND ANY
LAUGHTER(MY CHILDREN) BUT MY BROTHER AND I WERE ABLE TO CURE ALOT
OF PAIN WITH HUMOR WETHER IT BE DARK OR JUST A WAY TO DEAL WITH
THE LOSS.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER SO THAT SHE COULD ALSO SPEND MORE TIME
WITH MY CHILDREN.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
BESIDES HER RELIEF OF DESPAIR NOTHING WAS GAINED THRUE HER DEATH
THAT I CAN PINPOINT
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
BEFORE MY MOTHER DIED SHE WENT THRUE OUR PHOTO ALBUMS AND
PLACED
THE PICTURES BY DATE AND WROTE SPECIFIC DETAILS ABOUT WHAT WAS
GOING ON , FROM OUR BIRTHS TO PRESENT.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
IM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT EVERYONE THINKS IS SO IMPORTANT ABOUT THE
DETAILS OF DEATH.IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON I GUESS
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I NEVER GET COMPLETELY OVER THESE THINGS AND WILL ALWAYS GET TEARY
EYED ONCE AND AWILE BUT THATS JUST A PART OF DEATH I BELIEVE
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I DONT THINK TO MUCH ABOUT IMPOSSIBILITIES,ITS JUST A WAY TO PROLONG
THE PAIN OF LOSS AND KEEP YOU FROM MOVING ON WITH WHAT WE REALLY
NEED TO CONCERN OURSELVES AS FAR AS THE PRESENT AND THE FUTURE
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
NO, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FAIR, IT IS A MAN MADE MYTH.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
DO EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING,IT IS ONLY AS DIFFICULT AS WE ALLOW IT
TO BECOME
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
NO WAY , YOUR JUST MESSING WITH ME (DISBELIEF)
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
A BUNCH OF POLITICS WITH NO REAL CONCEARN ABOUT THE WELL BEING OF
PEOPLE.MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
GOD BLESS THE SICK AND DYING THEY NEED LOVE AND CARE/F-$K THE ONES
WHO CAN HELP BUT WONT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I trust in god not church
--Religious Affiliation:
I BELIEVE IN GOD NOT ORGANIZED,SELF SERVING RELIGEONS
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
TRULY GOOD SOULS WILL PROSPER AFTER OUR BODIES DIE.EVIL SOULS ,WELL
THATS NOT UP TO ME.
--Regarding MONEY:
IT WAS NOT AN ISSUE FOR ME NOR WILL IT EVER BE ,ITS JUST PAPER.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
WAS NO FUNERAL.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
WATCHING THE BUZZARDS/FAMILY MEMBERS FIGHT OVER THE BELONGINGS
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
MENTAL AND PHYSICAL CONDITION, if you care enough you will be able
to notice a change. What you dont know you should research to find
the knowledge
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
deal with it as the emotions come,pray to your god or find
god,
its all apart of life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
FEELINGS IN MY SOUL
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
NOT TO ME , THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE MENTIONED SUCH THINGS ARE NOT REALLY
BELIEVABLE HUMANS SO I DONT PUT MUCH SALT IN THEIR STORIES BESIDES
THEY NEED ATTENTION
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
N/A
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
JUST TELL HER AGAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND ILL SEE HER AGAIN
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
N/A
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
ILL BE DEAD(PHYSICALLY)AND ANYONE WHO WOULD CARE ENOUGH TO
MAKE
AN ISSUE ,WELL THEY WOULD ALL KNOW WHAT I WANTED DUE
TO THE FACT
THAT THEY ALL KNOW ME AND WOULD KNOW AND AGREE
WHAT WAS TO BE DONE.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I AM READY WHEN IT HAPPENS BUT ARE MY WIFE AND CHILDREN, THEY ARE
WHO I WORRY ABOUT.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I LOVE YOU MY WIFE , SON, DAUGHTER AND GOOD FRIENDS (YOU KNOW WHO
YOU ARE). CREMATE ME AND BE HAPPY . SEE YOU LATER.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
JUST REFLECT/LOVE AND DEAL WITH IT
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
SAME AS ABOVE
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
NO
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
that death was different being that i was so young, other deaths
i came across all had different effects and outcomes
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
nothing hindered dealing with it, As i grew older i realized it just
happens to all of us and their is nothing we can do but except it.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
MY DAD (DIVORCED AT 3)COULD HAVE GAVE SOME COMFORT BUT THAT
IS
PROBABLY ANOTHER ISSUE
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
IT WAS INTERESTING
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
ITS YOUR STUDY, YOU DID A FINE JOB I SUPPOSE
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Sun Nov 2 20:49:30 2003
F24 in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania =USA=
Email: <black.rainbow-at-verizon.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com search engine, browsing psychology surveys
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Prof/Studies: Funeral Director
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Alan Wolfelt writes terrific texts on the subject.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: A severe asthma attack, after recovering from renal failure. Morbid
obesity was also a factor in her declining health.; Aged: 76.
--Details:
The death that had the most impact on my life was my uncle's when
I was 12 years old. He died at home of a heart attack, and his
family was going to close the casket because he turned so dark blue.
I liked my uncle, but wasn't extremely close with him, so it was a
funeral where I felt a slight sense of emotional detachment. I could
observe without the intense emotions clouding my perception. When I
walked into the funeral parlor and approached the casket, which
was kept open after all, I was amazed at how terrific he looked,
but there was just something missing. I went through the whole
process, and realized what I could not when my aunt died... the
whole process of healing throughout the funeral ceremony became
apparent, and I could join in celebrating his life afterwards
without the feelings of guilt I had experienced when my aunt died.
In the weeks to follow, I made a decision that worried my parents.
I realized what had been different about my uncle as he lay in
the casket: his arms were covered in tattoos in life, but since he
turned dark, they had cosmetic completely covering him. However,
he looked completely natural. Putting that together with the
healing nature of the funeral, I decided I wanted to be involved in
that process, I wanted to be a funeral director. My parents were
worried that I was being a strange child, on a whim, and pushed
me toward other careers. However, I researched my options and
had my college and career planned before I was 13. I am now 24,
and a Pennsylvania licensed funeral director, and my parents are
very proud.
The actual death that was most significant was my
grandmother's. My grandmother's husband moved her from New Jersey,
where my family lived, to North Carolina and shortly after moved her
to a half-rate nursing home. She wasn't around very much while I
was young due to her constant moving and issues between her and my
mother, but when I was just starting high school, my parents and I
started visiting her in North Carolina more and more often. But she
had a severe stroke, and her left side was completely paralyzed.
It made it difficult to understand, and so when she called our house,
my mother would talk to her, and when she would ask to talk to me
or other family members, we would conveniently not be available.
When I was 16, we received a call from the nursing home that my
grandmother was taken to the local hospital. She was suffering
renal failure and was slowly being poisoned. She had a living
will requesting no life support; however the doctors ignored the
document and put her on life support anyway. We immediately drove
down to the hospital, and visited her in ICU. When we walked into
the room, she was struggling against the machines, but calmed down
as we approached her. She was unconscious, and the only sound in the
room was the swusssh swuusssshhhh of the respirator. Two at a time,
we spent time in visiting with her, comforting her, talking to her
though she could not respond. The doctors said she wouldn't even
know we were there. We never really knew; there were times she
seemed to respond, would squeeze our hands or shed a tear, but we
will never know if it just physiological responses. My mother had
the decision to terminate the life support and allow her kidneys to
possibly (miraculously) regain function, or to allow her relief from
her suffering. For a change, my mother shared the decision with my
brother and I, and we strongly urged her to leave the life support
on and give her kidneys a chance. My mother agreed, and we left
life support on, and the next day,her kidneys regained function.
We returned home (not willingly, but we had responsibilities; work,
school, etc.) and awaited word on her condition. Over the next
few days, her kidneys regained full function, she was taken off the
respirator and was breathing on her own; she seemed to be making a
full recovery. Three days after we got this terrific news, I was
in my bedroom on my computer, and the computer suddenly shut itself
off for no apparent reason. I for some reason felt like leaving the
computer and laying down, I was feeling a bit sick to my stomach.
I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. A few moments later the
phone rang. My mother came up to my room shortly after and told
me that was the hospital, that my grandmother suffered an asthma
attack and died. My parents had made arrangements in North Carolina
to have her cremated and mailed to a local cemetery for burial.
We had a small graveside service for her. I missed two weeks of
school due to my grief. I was dealing with regret that all the
times she called, I never wanted to talk to her. I was dealing
with the fact that while I grew up without her in my life, and was
finally getting my grandmother back in my life. More than anything,
I was angry at the doctors for ignoring her wishes and hooking her
up to life support. I was haunted by the memories of her kicking
and struggling against the machines, of the noises of the machines.
I was debating whether we made the right decision leaving her on
the support, and wondering if she ever knew we were even there.
I decided that it was for the best, it gave us an opportunity to
say goodbye to her, and we all believe that she knew we were there.
It has been difficult, there are days I think, 'I should give
grandma a call" and then realize I can't, and I get upset, but I have
dealt with her passing much better than I did in my younger years.
I often go visit her grave and leave her pink flowers, her favorite
color, for her birthday and other special days. At the time of her
death, I was already studying to prepare to go to mortuary school
to be a funeral director, so my reading and education helped me to
deal with the situation. The only thing that could have been done
differently would have been to have her embalmed and transfered to
a local funeral home for a full funeral and burial to help provide
a little closure for my family. However, the memories of her in
the hospital were painful enough, and seeing her in the casket
wouldn't have been as much closure as that was.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of physiological function. Some people believe
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
freaked. I was sheltered by my mother and had nightmares for years
to follow.
--That first time, how it happened was
My first experience with death was around the age of 3, when an
elderly neighbor passed away in her home unattended. It was the
middle of summer and quite warm, and as usually seems to happen,
she was dead 2 weeks before anybody found her. The smell permeated
through the neighborhood as the paramedics brought her out to the
ambulance. My mother kept me inside the house, so my experience
involved only the stench wafting in through the windows, and the
conversation among the neighbors. Apparently, she had a few pet
cats, which, with lack of daily feedings, decided that 'mother'
would make a tasty meal. My mother assumed that I was too young
to understand the concept of what occurred, and never realized I
overheard the conversations, so she never would discuss the issue
with me (although it would have been a perfect opportunity to
approach the subject, before a death of somebody close to me).
For years after, I was tormented with nightmares of a humanoid
cat monster, which in recent years I have traced back to this
experience.
About 2 years later, another neighbor, with whom I was
very close, passed away ("old age"), and my parents left me with a
sitter while they attended the funeral. I begged to go with them
to be able to say goodbye, but my mother told me I was too young
to go. I was upset for months, and I truly believe that if I had
gone, I would have had a difficult time, but would have accepted
the death much better in months to follow. It wasn't until I
was 10 years old and my father's aunt, with whom I was extremely,
extremely close, died that I was allowed to attend the funeral.
I locked myself in the bathroom at the funeral home for 20 minutes
crying hysterically. I had a terrible time handling the funeral;
I wore a necklace she had given me and held it the entire time to
comfort myself. i did, however get much comfort from the words
After the service, we returned to her home for a luncheon, and
as I witnessed everybody laughing and having a good time after
my aunt (she was as close to me as a grandmother, she called
me the granddaughter she never had), I was absolutely apalled.
I couldn't understand that they were celebrating her life, sharing
their fondest memories. I didn't realize the full scope of what I
was experiencing because it was the first funeral I had experienced.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the noise of the respirator prolonging my grandmother's suffering.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not something to be ashamed of, and it is not something
taboo. It should not be hidden away like a dirty little secret.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the kind work of the funeral directors when I was younger called
me into such a rewarding career, and because of them I help people
every day.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
educating myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I am an atheist. I believe that when we die, everything just
'blinks out'. As much I would love to believe in an afterlife,
I do not, and it makes it hard to accept.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen. Listen. Then, listen some more. Encourage them to allow
their emotions to come freely.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized what a tremendous amount of healing comes from a funeral
ceremony. From the closure of seeing the person and facing the
reality of the death, to the soothing and promising words of the
clergy, to the absolute finality of the casket being lowered into
the grave, the funeral is an absolute and vital part of the grief
process.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when I was younger, understanding how after the funeral, everybody
was happy and acted like everything was wonderful, while in my mind
the world was crashing to its end, my aunt had died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was completely unavoidable, a healthy release of my pent up
emotions.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
been closer with my grandma and told her more often how much I
loved her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have an opportunity to say goodbye to my grandma in the hospital
before she died.
I also am thankful that my experiences with death
led me to help others through the painful process.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my uncle looked so terrific while he was so heavily cosmetized that
his tatooes weren't even visible.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
a big ceremony with flashy cars and big speeches.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Even dealing with death on a daily basis, I still get touched by
many situations that the families I serve are going through.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't live in alternate realities.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Every time I have to bury somebody younger than me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
grab a sniper rifle and climb up into a clock tower.......
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbelief and shock. I never wanted to really believe death could
touch my family.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disdane. They can't follow a simple Do-Not-Rescusitate order.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
No personal experiences, but professional experience and discussion
with families who have been involved with hospice has shown me one
thing: hospice care is one of the greatest services ever created.
Hospice workers are the most incredible people on this planet, and
they have the most difficult job. Every day of their life they
spend getting attached to people, and they essentially suffer a
loss every day. They help prepare the families for the end, and
do a tremendous amount to keep patients comfortable.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
religion offers a great comfort to the bereaved family. The minister
not only reminds us of the promises of the afterlife, but also
provides a great pillar of support for the family.
--Religious Affiliation:
atheist. Raised catholic.
--Regarding MONEY:
we could only afford to have my grandmother cremated. We would
have like to have had a traditional funeral and viewing, but it
was not possible.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd just like to tell my grandmother I love her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
the closest manifestation I have experienced is when my computer
crashed at the moment of my grandmother's death.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The funeral service is for the survivors. While it is important
to honor the wishes of the deceased, it will always come down to
what gives the family comfort.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
As a funeral director, I think constantly of my own mortality.
I may die before I finish this survey. I may live into a painful
old age. I live my life to the fullest every single day, knowing
each may be my last. I live with no regrets. I only hope that
I don't lose my mental capacities as I age. If I do, I seriously
hope euthanasia laws have changed by then.
However, I have serious
issues dealing with the mortality of my cats, one in particular to
whom I am extremely attached. I don't quite understand it, but I
know when he does die, I am gonna completely lose it. I can't bear
to even think about it. I suppose it is because he is essentially
my child, and of all the painful losses, the hardest by far is the
loss of a child. But he's a cat!
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
The things I want remembered aren't things that need be recorded
in a newspaper, but rather in the hearts of my friends and family,
and the lives I have touched in my career.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Parents should not underestimate a child's ability to understand
the concept of death. Age-appropriate discussion of the subject
is of utmost importance for a child's psychological well-being.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
Parental sheltering.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire is terrific. It gives people an opportunity
to speak of their emotions, which is extremely healthy in terms of
grief therapy.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Perhaps it would be interesting to hear people's opinions of
the value of viewing the deceased / the value of a traditional
funeral basically. These days, cremation is becoming more and
more prevalent, and people are foregoing the viewing. It would
be interesting to see how this affects people's management of
their grief.
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Sun Nov 2 19:31:02 2003
F39 in Eusits, FL =United States=
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Prof/Studies: sales and student
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More personal info:
I have two children and I also lost my parents, one to cancer and
the other to an accident.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kugler-Ross and Kaustenbaum
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack ; Aged: 42.
--Details:
It was sudden. He had some warning but didn't think anything of
it. He overreacted and his rage caused a heart attack, along with
his overall health. He was overweight and out of shape and smoked
cigarettes and owned a very competitive and high pressure company.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our bodily functions stop working and burning energy.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my Grandmother. she was 95 and I was 20. She was not close
to any one.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how incredibly sad I was. How angry I was at God., Questioning his
existance. Why me? What good can come out of this?
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not bias. Everyone is going to die. some may know when,
if they are terminal . Others may die while crossing the street
while jogging their morning jog.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It may have saved him from alot of guilt and shame. The business
was not doing well and he would have felt like a failure if he
had to shut it down. Now it closed because he died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My children and exercise.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The lonliness.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Truly listen
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
wish I had planned more for this situation. I thought I had more
time. 10-15 years maybe with his health the way it was. I should
have had insurance to at least pay off our debts.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
God took the best father away from two of the best kids in the world.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
make him go to the hospital when I suggested it.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the support of my sisters and my in-laws.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I realized I was free
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a certain song on the radio, or see his picture
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't know.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
We were supposed to grow together. Now what?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Just run away somewhere( after winning the lottery of course
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
anger
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The ambulance driver could acted like he was in a hurry, and didn't
tell the driver that "if he didn't get a charged heart jumper or
something, we might as well take him to the morgue."
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
crying and asking why?
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I do believe we go on spiritually.
--Regarding MONEY:
I had none
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the family pulled together and helped financially and more than
300 people cam to pay respects.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Realizing that I would never see him again
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of appetite, weight loss. Irritablility
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My husband came back to me in a dream on week after his death. And
right after his remains arrived at my house.
He was in denial
himself about his own death. He wanted to be back. He told me "I'm
back. Fuck this dead shit!"
Excuse my language... please.. I am
quoting and it is something my husband would say, not me,
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have insurance and I am going to make a living will soon.,
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I never judeged anyone. Always treated others the way she would
like to be treated. Strong woman.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I would try to remember what he told me and how his advice to me
when I was coping with my mothers death, It helped me cope with
his. And I would remember him telling me, so it was like he was
still advising me.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still try to live and enjoy me life. That is the way he chose
to. And that it is a choice. We can live and look at the brighter
things and count our blessings and smile, or we can stay sad,
in which our loved ones really wouldn't want that for us.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
A good friend helped me through this and it came to be afterwards.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
I stayed busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Illicit Drugs
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
No, I think maybe my sister could have been more support.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good. I am in school and doing a presentation on Death and
Dying..Psychology of it.
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Sun Nov 2 01:19:03 2003
F23 in Bedford, PA =USA=
Name: Meg
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: ISP Tech Support
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 3 Days ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer and heart problems; Aged: 74.
--Details:
Everything was going well, then she had a heartattack and we all
throught she was recovering...then she went back into hospital...it
wasn't until Tuesday we found out her cancer had come back and
we couldn't visit anymore...next thing I know I got the call on
Thursday she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Someone we know leaves their skin on this planet, but no longer
breaths or can communicate with those living. They cease to have
any awareness at all.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I don't really remember since I was 5....I was a little scared
though since my dad was crying and daddies don't cry...at least
that is what I thought at 5.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I hated the fact that people try to force someone grieving to do
something they don't want to. They may try to force you to sleep,
eat or hug them. When my dad died I went throuh the numb process
for 4 days....I didn't want to eat or sleep...quite frankly I don't
think you could force me to sleep even with drugs...I felt dead
inside...dead people don't eat or sleep.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Crying is natural...you shouldn't need to be ashamed to cry or
have tears. It is physically painful to choke back tears and yet
we do it because we are trying to be tough for each other or to
prove we are strong.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I still haven't gotten an answer for this after the loss of 4 people
I was close to...it's been 6 years since my father died and I have
a hard time finding something to be grateful for.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Going back to school for my dad....going bowling and to work with
my Great Aunt .
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Nobody else not going through grieving understands and are not
interested...instead they try to cheer you up. I don't want cheered
up yet. The pain is too fresh.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Sit there with them. It is hard to watch someone you know dying
and taking their final breath but God would it save for some of
the guilt feelings later on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Just looking at the person in the casket who looks like they are
back to being happily sleeping and healthy and trying to rationalize
they aren't just going sit up and be normal...that they aren't
here anymore.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was normal. My great aunt would've told us to stop bawling and
have a good time...heck she is the one that joked about being wanting
to be buried in her washing machine....she got a casket of course,
but she had a great sense of humor.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have visited my great aunt the week before. Or in my father's case
spent more time in the room since I knew it wouldn't be long.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
just store the pain and function again.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
They let the family have a final goodby with the casket and sometimes
let the family watch as they close it. Brings finality I think.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The roses on the closed casket........wouldn't the roses or flowers
be better being served in the casket as though they could enjoy them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the annivarsary of the death. Also petting my great aunts dogs.
She loved those dogs and you can tell they miss her alot.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I probably won't be living on my own. I wouldn't have lost 3 jobs
in a row before this one. I may not have ended up in the mental
hospital for 2 weeks after trying to kill myself.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't have the means to get them on video or audio tape.
Being a human we forgot voices esp. after awhile....I wanted a
physical reminded of them.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just go to sleep and dream about them and not wake up. Stay in
that dream forever.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and called my closest friends.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are greedy. They don't care about the families. If they
did they would give the families more time together and when the
person dies to let them have more time with the body before wisking
them away.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I wish I could say it brought comfort, but my 2 major losses and
one of them being fresh in mind is I feel why a God who can watch
anyone on this planet takes the person and puts so many on the planet
through grief....strange thing is both were majorly into their chuch.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
It is the person....what is left behind isn't them.
--Regarding MONEY:
Funeral homes are a rip off.....has anyone seen the prices on vaults
and plots and caskets and flowers?
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Lots of strange people you've never ment or ment rarely have this
strange need to come see the body....cry fake tears and hug everyone
in site.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Being able to joke even at the viewing with the dead person laying
there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Giving things away....things that you know were important to them.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I tend to skip the whole bargining step. I go right from Anger
into depression. Usually the 2 overlap.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't think my dad had them.....I'm not sure about my great aunt.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My dad had an experience but he didn't talk much about it.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Things were good with my great aunt...however I just really wished
I had visited her more often.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I just wish I could say goodbye to them when they could hear it.
That I loved them.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My dad still visits in my dreams every few years. I get a chance
to catch him up on things. I'm glad he is healthy....strangly
though a dream like this from him often foretells a death in about
a month....my last dream was about a month ago and it was an all
nighter....today I went to the viewing of my great aunt....the
hardest death to take other then my dads.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want to decide my own funeral music, buriel plot and poem
to put on the viewing card.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope it is painless. Don't want to give people a lot of grief.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
"My name" died on "date here" at the age of "age" here. She was
active in the company bowling league and band and enjoyed helping
people. She is survived by "insert series of names". Please leave
donations to the Chrones and U.C. foundation.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Journaling.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
I am forced to grieve for the first 4 days and then I simply make
myself forgot they exsisted, as remembering hurts.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
A death I am going through right now has accidently brought up the
death of my father 6 years ago.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is really helpful to fill it out....by typing this out it is
helping me with the grieving process of my great aunt who I was
really close with. I wanted to do this a few years ago with my dad
but I couldn't do this without crying to hard and having to quit
without submitting. Now it is helping bring closure to both deaths.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Opened or closed caskets...which is easier for griever to bring
closure with.
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Sat Nov 1 22:03:48 2003
F19 in hesperia, ca =san berdo=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
school project
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, Years ago.
Cause of Death: diabeties; Aged: 40s.
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--Death Is:
the completion of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a preteen
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that this person was so close to our age and it made us realize that
death is inevitable and that we should not take things for granted
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my grandmother, who is a very spritual person
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fear of not knowing what happens next
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that their going to a better place
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have said things or know the person better
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
being very involved in church. I believe if you just live your
life the very best possible, are a good person, and accept jesus
in your life you'll be fine after you die
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
death is a scary,sad, and sometimes happy issue. The thought of not
knowing what happens is scary. Its sad because of course you miss
your loved one. And it can be happy because you know that their
in a better place, or you hope.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did it have to happen, why couldn't something be done. And the
most commone question why does this have to happen to me and what
did my loved one do to diserve this. why does bad things happen to
good people
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
i could know what exactly happens after death, it would make
everything so much easier. Or if there was some way of still
communicating w/ your loved one
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in shock and disblief
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it helps me deal with the process of life and death better
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't matter and we would rather give anything to bring them
back then get money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
sad, i think most funerals are sad
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
yes, my father is a recovering alcholic and was near death several
times. He tried to take his own life a number of times when under
the influence. It got to the point where my family and myself
thought he might be successful and we were preparing ourselves.
Finally, when sober and the doctors told my father he was near
death and if contined lifestyle would die, my father realized he
wanted to live and he changed his ways.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I believe if i had unresolved issues or course i would wish to
resolve them in person, but if death should interfere, then hopeful
when i talk that person will still hear me and that can help
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
to help know that their ok and to know that they know that you
love them and miss them
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother has had dreams in which loved ones have visited her or
she heard them calling her name. Another situation,
my brother
and sister on the anniversary of their fathers death, both woke
up from a short of breath and freezing,both dreaming about their
father. My sister later learned that when a ghost/spirit hung you,
you lose your breath and are very cold.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
the thought of death is so scary to me.If i knew i was going to
die i would just go on living and make each day count living it to
the fullest and i would make sure that everyone in my life knew
how much i appreciate them and i would hope that in my life that
maybe i did something for someone in some way.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i would hope it woudld say, loving daughter,sister,girlfriend, &
friend. a friendly good samaritan, who tryed to live her life the
best way she knew how. never forgotten and always remembered
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
well, my grandfather died and i have a stepgrandfather, even
though my real grandfather has past no one can take is place, but
my stepgrandfather is wonderful as well and he serves a different
place in my life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it has been helpful in helping me think, re-think, and express
my feeling a little.
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Sat Nov 1 07:48:22 2003
F20 in wheaton, il =us=
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: .
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--Death Is:
when humans have lived on this earth to their maximum and after time
their body and functions become weak and slowly desinergrates away.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried and became scared about what will happen when more people
closer to me will leave me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
all the good memories and things that are taken for granted.
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People take too many things for granted.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
life, family and the things close to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact you were never going to interract with that person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Dont become mad and think so much about the little things.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
love my family and try not to take things for granted and things
can always be worse.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
family helps alot.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hug my grandmother one more time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have my family in my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
everyone gets together for a funeral and sometimes thats the only
time all the family would come together.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think of my grandmother and how she was to me and the rest of
the family.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The family would still be together and maybe even closer than we
were before.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to leave the earth.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just cried and didn't understand why it had to be my grandmother.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Staying together in hard times
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
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See Oct 03 contributions.
See Sep 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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