^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Aug 03 contributions.
See Jul 03 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 30 21:15:05 2003
F20 in Chicago, Illinois =USA=
Name: Samantha
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking up an idea for my own psych research
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student at William and Mary
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
--Details:
no one i have known very personally has died; any of the relatives
i have lost were distant relatives when i was a young child. the
events most significant to my dealing with death are the deaths of
strangers i have heard about, such as the victims of 9-11.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our physical being in this world
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and didn't experience it very personally since i
didn't know the person terribly well and didn't attend a funeral
or anything; i was just told by my parents.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
thinking about how that person is permanently gone and of the family
and friends they left behind; the possibility that perhaps there
isn't an afterlife and that when we die, we simply pass completely
out of any form of being.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's very scary to know that every one of us will die some
day and that losing a loved one is an awful experience, therefore
the way we trivialize people's deaths on tv is totally inappropriate.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it also can end suffering. as i've lost no close friends or
relatives, my best personal example of this was when we put my
first dog to sleep. she was suffering tremendously and the only
comfort in her death was that she was free of that pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just believing that death isn't the final conclusion of our lives,
that there's an afterlife we move on to.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that death means you'll never experience this world again
and that we only get one life here.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
it's comforting to know that people care, that you'll stay in the
hearts of those you leave behind
--[My pet's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
i don't know that i've "learned" that much; i feel more that i've
grasped just what death means and that it's inevitable. i actually
fear it more now as i understand it more.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i'm not "confused" per se, but i wish that there was an assurance
that there WAS something after death that we move on to
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
physically be with my pets when they've died so that they had
someone who loved them with them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see them after death and provide them with proper burials and say
my goodbyes
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i don't really have anything to say on this
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
same as last question
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i'm teary-eyed just thinking about it now
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
-
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it's not fair that we get so little time here, and that some people
get less than others
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not know that everything dies
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
lost someone and i would never ever have them back again
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the possibility that they were alive spiritually somewhere else;
that God was with them
--Religious Affiliation:
christian-presbyterian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
hopeful
--Regarding MONEY:
i wasn't involved with this aspect
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i had no involvement in the funeral of a person
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
my focus on myself, and how i, too, was going to die, and how sad
and scary it is
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was important to me to say goodbye at the funeral and tell
everything i loved about them and would miss
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
the one person i know who technically died and was brought back
on the operating table had no near death experience or white light
or anything
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i'd like to hear that they're somewhere safe where they're loved
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i just think that you have to put aside your selfishness and carry
out what the person wants and not what you want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i'm so horribly aware and afraid of my own death; i value my life
here so much that i can't imagine ever losing it. i'm afraid of what
comes next, or that maybe nothing comes next at all. if i knew i
was going to die very soon, i think i'd be terrified and sad. it's
such a horrible thing to be the only species alive that knows it
will some day die. i love life, ppl, nature, all of it. i don't
ever want to have to give it up. i even fear getting older now as
it serves as a reminder of what i'm growing older towards- death.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i'd want it to say that i appreciated the little things in life:
sunny days, cuddly animals braving the wild, people-watching,
moments of true happiness and moments of sheer sadness. that i
loved loving and being loved. that i always tried so hard to be
the best person that i could be and to treat people well so that
there time here could be the best as it could be. that i made a
positive different; not that i was famous, but that i helped make
some people's lives better.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
looking at pictures, thinking of memories, crying to release the pain
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
every day now i think about how i'm so blessed to be enjoying the
day; i take time to notice the small beautiful things in life and
thank god for each day
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? The Funeral
burying my pet made me feel like at least he had been taken care
of in some way
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
my boyfriend's mother just lost her best friend to cancer and i
think i helped by providing an outlet for her to talk about her
friend- her life and her death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this questionnaire allowed me to openly express my fear of my own
death and the struggle i have wondering if when ppl around me die
they go on to another place or whether they completely cease to
be. it helped me to think that maybe i'm not the only one who feels
this way about death since i don't feel like i can openly express
this to the ppl around me
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 24 11:39:53 2003
F23 in Utah =US=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, Years ago.
Cause of Death: car/train; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The ending of mortal life on earth.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My family comming together very strongly to help each other through.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The belief of a true after life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Knowing the she was here on earth to help me for a period of time
and that she was taken from this earth by our Father in Heaven and
she is with him now.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My religion as well as my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Just the loss of the loved one being physically near.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Strength and physical support.
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
overcame the death of not only a sister but also a best friend.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Share in the life of such a wonderful person. She touched and
inspired so many and I feel it was a blessing for her to be my
sister.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
am dreaming. I remember waking up even days later and still thinking
that I was dreaming.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
The reaccuring picture of finding her.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 24 03:07:27 2003
F31 in Amsterdam, =Netherlands=
Email: <kroliner-at-yahoo.co.uk>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Friend ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life after Life, Many Lives Many Masters,
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 Months ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 24.
--Details:
My brother was with friends on a fishing trip - they went to pick
up the longlines at 5am and my brother became tired and distant to
the group (he'd been working hard for 12 days, in the hot sunshine
drinking beers this day) - so he headed back to the shack and was
never seen again. 2 days later they found my brother's body in
the chanel. He was found in the faetel position and we still don't
know what really happened, if he slipped and fell, if he laid down
to rest?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is the end of our Human Life. Death is hopefully pain-free
for the dying but can significantly change the loved one left behind
on Earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Couldn't believe it for quite some time, and just cried for a
long time.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died of a stroke, she was only 57, about to retire
with my grandfather and move to the beach. She was healthy as far
as I knew, stresses of life I guess got the better of her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
When my dad died 4 years ago to a heroin overdose, this is my first
real tragedy. He was only 45. I found that going out all the time
and drinking was easier than really facing the truth. A year later
and I began the painful recovery I had to face sooner or later.
--What I think my (Netherlands) culture needs to better learn about death is:
A better support for the living is necessary - care for those left
alone, counselling, bereavement counselling.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My friends' amazing support during this tragic time of losing
my brother, and the community spirit which was formed between my
brother's friends and our family. True spirit of community and I
have gained new friends through losing my brother, and through that
Andrew's spirit will live on.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Friends support and reading books, and opening a belief in
the afterlife. I wanted to receive counselling, but I live
now in the Netherlands and I must pay a lot of money to receive
counselling, money which I don't have, therefore, I can't receive
any counselling. My mother living in England can receive free of
charge bereavement counselling.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing my brother is the ultimate hardest part of death. The feeling
that life is really unfair, with my brother being only 24 - a life
way too short. Having to cope with the fact that my mother is now
all alone, and worrying for her, and my other brother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
When my grandmother died just a month ago, she was in hospital dying
of cancer, the whole family being there surrounding her with love,
holding her hand, kissing her, making her comfortable as possible
on her last days was all we could do to help her with ease.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Even through the tough days that followed the tragic death of my
brother, my family and Andrew's friends all opened up, grew close,
became a very close unit to help each other.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Is still not knowing the events leading up to the death of my father
and my brother. That is still very unclear. Also having them taken
away unexpectedly and before a reasonable age, I was never able to
say any last words.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Not that I have laughed uncontrollably, but my best-friend did when
she saw her mother in the funeral parlour. Laughter like crying is
an emotion, I think they're very closely linked, and an outburst of
either amounts to the same thing, through stress maybe I don't know.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wish I could have spent some last times with my brother
and my father to say some last things. Thats the tragedy of an
accident... you don't get to spend last minutes with them to share
thoughts.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I am not thankful about anything surrounding the deaths of my
brother, my father, and my best-friend's brother who died of
suicide. Nothing went better than I imagined.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My brother got up to say a speech at my brother's funeral. Very
emotional, very intense, very real then asked if he could take a
photo of all the hundreds of people that gathered at the funeral
service - amazing strength. And the coming together of everyone to
make one strong community.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
listening to music, watching video of my father/brother, looking
at photos, talking about them.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I am open to the after-life, yet I think of it as a place where we
have no human form, but as free-spirits all able to communicate to
a much higher level than humans. I will be able to be reconnected
with all my loved ones who I miss.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
both my dad and brother had so much life to give, they were the
happiest of all people and gave so much laughter to all. Why were
they taken away instead of me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die. My heart is so heavy, I just feel like crying all the time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Disbelief! Shock. Complete over-awe. Deep deep sadness.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The General Practisioners who dealt with my grandmother were wrong
and just because she was older they thought the nagging pains
in her arms were just due to arthritis, how wrong they were when
finally she collapsed just over a month ago in her home, rushed to
hospital. The tests showed her to have cancer of the liver, spleen,
bone and lungs. she died just weeks after.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The hospice dealt with my grandmother in a terrific way, to make
her last 5 days in the hospice comfortable for her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am not religious. I do believe in life-afer-death tho, as a
spiritual form, another form higher than life on earth.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am not religious.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I do believe in life-afer-death, as a spiritual form, another form
higher than life on earth. I hope that as a spirit I will meet my
loved ones on another plane.
--Regarding MONEY:
we had no money so had to fight with the social to have as much of
the funeral costs paid for with my father and my brother.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The hundreds of people; friends, family, neighbours, family of
friends (for support). My brother who said his speech and made
the whole attendees laugh at such a sad time by asking if he
could take a photo, and upon doing so told everyone to shout
"fire-engine".. resulting in the whole funeral service to
laugh! Amazing!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I am scared being on my own at night, I've always been a little
freaked at nite on my own, but I have to sleep with the lamp on.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Delerium, my grandmother couldn't remember what she was saying
mid-sentence, and would get so frustrated and would frown. She also
began arranging things, like who would receive what after she died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Believing that there is something more universal after life helps
me with the grieving right now.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know my grandmother became calm towards her death, and seemed to
accept it - she would say she's had a good life and is ready to go.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
It's not happened to myself nor my close friends, but I've read many
accounts of this NDE, in the book Life after Life. This only widens
my interest into the spiritual form of life after death. I am now
eager to read more on these spiritual matters concerning after-life,
and eventually I think this is helping me through my grieving.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am upset with my father who ignored his painful headaches for
years, he should have received the medical attention - we found
unopened appointment cards for cat scans in his flat after he
died. He also had been clean of heroin for 11 years, but I think due
to his headaches began again. He could have told us when this started
and none of this needed to come to this. My dad could be more open
and talked to us more as a family.
My brother could have slowed
down with his hectic life, taken it easy.
I don't know what to do
to resolve these feelings, except just accept that they have their
right to do what they want, and I have to understand that they are
different to me and that is their way of coping/dealing with things.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to ask them both if they are ok, a reassurance that
they are ok, this would also make me feel that there is life after
death and I will one day be with them again.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
About 2 months ago, about 1 month after his death, my brother
appeared at the end of my bed, sat on my chest of drawers one night
after I suddenly awoke at 3am. I kept blinking thinking I was still
dreaming, or imagining this vision, but Andrew was still there. I
became suddenly a little unnerved, and woke up my boyfriend. Andrew
left, and my boyfriend comforted me and said that was Andrew
coming to tell me that he was ok.
Andrew's friend's sister also
had a vision of Andrew (during work at a hairdressers mid-day),
and Andrew spoke to her asking her to look out for her sister and
my mother, and another friend of Andrew should be supported right
now as he was going through incredible intense grief. That friend
did eventually break-down and they were there for him when he did.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want people to have a party and treat it as a celebration of
my life, to look back and remember the fun times, and not to feel
guilty about laughing and remembering. I think sometimes we feel
we have to feel sad or we are guilty! I don't want people to be
feeling guilty to remember the good times and to think that I am
at peace and to believe that we will all be together again.
Music
is also very important for me and my family and my friends, lots
of music for sad and happy times.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Knowing how difficult it is, I would ask that those living not
to obsess with missing me, but to know that we will meet again,
and until then that they must continue living as best they can,
and so that when we do meet up again I will be proud of them that
they didn't struggle so much after I left them.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would hope that they would remember the fun times we all shared,
the caring, sharing friend, the much supporting daughter and sister
and the loving girlfriend to my boyfriend.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I haven't adopted a ritual. My mother says good nite Andy evertime
she goes to bed.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Through Andrew's death I have grown to love a handful of Andrew's
really closest friends. I felt a very strong feelings for Andrew's
longest/closest friend, and also felt the need of an intimate
moment, although I am in a loving relationship. This feeling doesn't
disappear each time I see him, I am sure after a time though this
will fade.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I can reach out to my friends and my brother. we can cry together
and be sad, but also talk openly and remember the good times. I have
tried to receive counselling to deal with all the recent deaths of my
family members, but to no avail. I don't also want to keep feeling
grief at being depressed and talking about it with my friends and
my boyfriend.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have very mixed emotions filling in this questionnaire, as losing
my brother just 3 months ago, my grandma 1 month ago, my father
3.5 years ago, everything is still so fresh, and I am still so numb
and the grieving period is still strong.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 23 14:23:30 2003
F52 in Muncie, In =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
assignment from my college intsructor
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 36.
--Details:
She lived for 21 months after her diagnosis. The last 3-4 months
before she died I went to her home every day and cared for her
usually about 4-6 hours. She became very weak, but didn't lose her
'mind' until just a week or so before she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person stops breathing and the heart stops beating. He/she is
no longer able to live and relate to us, but the soul (what makes
up the thinking feeling part of that person) lives on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
just felt it was a part of life
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the family she left behind
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's a part of life......it's not the worst thing that can happen
to a person
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
there was so much love displayed between the friend dying and the
relatives and friends around.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
trying to help the family left behind
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't worry about what to say or do...... If you love and care
about that person, nearly anything you do will be translated as
just that.....love and caring.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
this is trite.........but...........'life goes on'
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I tried to know how much to help and how much to let the berieved
family be independent
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing is a very good thing!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there and help with things that my friend who was dying couldn't
do and her husband was able to still keep his job and go to work
every day
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My friend squeezed my hand 3 times (by then she was within a week
of death and no longer able to speak) which meant "I love you"
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Her parents and some of her children weren't there.....but it
way okay
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I really don't wonder how it might have been
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
move away so I wouldn't have to figure how I still fit into the
newly developing family with his new wife and 4 more kids (even
though they are terrific!)
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
.......it was not a surprise........I was there for the whole
ordeal..........slow ordeal....so it was a long process
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
mostly a good experience
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a whole 'big picture' that the death is just another necessary step
in our progress
--Religious Affiliation:
The Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
real. I feel that we are all brothers and sisters...we are all of
the family of God, Our Heavenly Father.
--Regarding MONEY:
I would take treats or other food or crafts for the kids. I don't
think the family realized how much I spent during that time.
But I didn't hurt our own family budget to do those things
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Watching over her (the deceased) children to see that they were
being comforted
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was in a strange way, somewhat detacthed as I was going through
it.........even though I cared for her every day and I loved her
as dearly as I have loved any friend
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
if she had any of those experiences, I was not aware of them.
And I was there a lot so I don't think she did.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My friend nearly died when she gave birth to her 4th child.
She tells me she had an 'out of body' experience while the medical
staff were working on her to revive her. She saw her husband
weeping next to her. I don't recall anything else about her story.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues with the deceased
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've thought about it from time to time. I would feel okay about
going except that I'd like to see all my chldren married (2 of 4
are now married). I love loving my grandchildren and they love it
too....so that would be hard.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was kind to all
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I coped by sharing the grieving with her widower and his sister
and another female friend who also helped the remaining family a lot.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If you just let that someone know that you honestly care (don't
just say it).....and also let that person know you have and will
make time to spend with them (don't just say it)......they will
feel it and generally 'take you up' on it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 23 14:18:49 2003
F36 in Morgantown, West Virginia =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Marketing Director
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
In Memoriam
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Alfred, Lord Tennyson
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 34.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A ceasing of the breath and spirit inhabiting the body and going
someplace else while the body stops.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was at the bedside helping him leave the world.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the stillness and abandonment of his body.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to talk about it with person who is dying, how to prepare loved
ones for guilt and unfinished business.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The moment of death, feeling a total oneness with my husband's
spirit, as if he passed through me and united with my soul.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Support group
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling like a murderer, that I had caused the cancer by not loving
him enough.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make sure you speak your mind and say you're sorry. But try not to
take the distancing personally when the sick or dying person can
not respond.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Could be so caring about another person and forget my own feelings
in order to help ease another's pain and fear.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He sat up and became suddenly animated and shouted out, and then
began to have a "death rattle" and never came out of it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to him and discuss our marriage and the things I did wrong.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there with him and help him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
His neck slipped to the side
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how long it took
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
anybody mentions a specific fact about illness or hospitals
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
He would get help and we wouldn't let the stresses of life destroy
the good things we have. We would be much much kinder
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone young with so many plans had to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die myself.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Frustration
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The hospice workers were my true family during that time, kept
me going
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
People to turn to for help, but ultimately in the moment it was
personal, between him and me. For him, though, it might have been
not me at all, but between him and God.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Ok,
--Regarding MONEY:
I had to go before he died and make arrangements, and I have been
hounded by bill collectors for years without being able to cope
with it well or maturely.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How little I cared or noticed anyone
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My brain shutting out all memories for months and months. Any time I
had a memory, I would get a splitting pain in the front of my head,
and so would have to push the memory down. Then the pain would go
away. That went on for several months.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Agitation
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it keeps changing, but the numbness recedes and life starts to mean
something again very slowly.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He definitely mentioned people in the room, and didn't seem worried
about them.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Guilt, guilt, guilt. I have so much guilt. I'm slowly working it
out with a therapist so I don't feel like I was responsible for
his illness.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Are you angry or hurting now? Do you understand what happened to
you? Have you forgiven all the people who hurt you? Did you love
me? Did you know how I felt about you? I loved knowing you and I'm
so so sorry I didn't understand what you were experiencing. I wish
I had been more patient, and more honest. I hope you forgive me
for any ways that I've ever hurt you. If I could, I would do more.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I wish very much to have dreams, but it only happened once or twice
right after his death. He was there, so vivid and I felt blessed
by the physicality of his presence in the dream, as if I'd been
given a gift of his alive self for one last time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Whether a person wants to be ressucitated and for how long? What
way people want to be buried or memorialized. Whether there are
any secret things that should be taken care of, or things that
only certain people should be allowed to see, such as letters,
books, writings, drawings. Take care of the person's memory. Also,
if there are valuables, who should get these, so that there is no
conflict among family or friends about material things, which is
such a foolish distraction and brings out baseness in human nature.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would feel regret and sad that I couldn't experience more of
the world's beauty and wonder. I would try to speak to people who
mattered and reveal my love. I would try not to feel resentful and
self-pitying. I would try to write something beautiful or meaningful
to leave behind.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Can't do this.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Lighting candles, talking to him, reading poetry, listening to
tapes of him talking.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk to him, think of his opinion, and sometimes feel that
he would be angry about certain thoughts or actions I might have or
take. I still look at his picture now and then, listen to his voice,
but now very very rarely because it is upsetting.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I notice that I relate to people who have been through very
traumatic experiences. We don't have to talk about it, we just
understand eachother.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
In a support group, being there for others, letting them know that
what they are feeling/saying/believing is not stupid, crazy or wrong.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was very helpful and interesting. I found myself coping with it
similarly to how I coped in life during the grieving process. If
a question or my response upset me, I pushed it down.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Sep 22 06:03:48 2003
M51 in franklin, n c =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: studying life and death - meaning
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Gail Sheehe, Books concerning cops, war, afterlife, spiritualism,
and quantum physics
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 27.
--Details:
My brother had always been the intelligent(near genius) one,
with better looks. Much was expected of him, though he didn't
"fullfill"those expectations. By his late twenties, he was depressed,
felt abandoned, emotionally scared. He had not been properly prepared
for life. He was in an old car with bald tires, his license revoced,
trying to outrun the cops after going out for ciggarettes. He hit
a phone pole, which killed him instantly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition from a physical plane to a spiritual plane. Our bodies
are left, and our "essence" moves on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was angry with others for "protecting" me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My parents overwhelming greif and pain.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that life is more about experience, growth, and acceptance ( LOVE
)than making money and getting material things
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my out of body experience and the help of my "guides and counselors"
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my expanding beleif system and those entitys that help me - and
certainly, God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss of the physical presence of the loved ones, and guilt/pain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
it's their death, and their exit. Any effort to bring them to
acceptance is a blessing.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Confused? No. Suprised, dumbfounded, maybe.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is probably a reaching out tward life or "normalness"
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
express my love a little better to those that have gone on
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
some one or some thing ( a song, an odor, a location ) triggers it
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
This goes on a short time. I realize they most likely would not be
happy, based on what happened. What is past cannot be undone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I want them "back"
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Distrust, and compassion for what they deal with.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
finding a pastor to preside at the funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
presbyterian ( past )
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true
--Regarding MONEY:
any money acumulated was washed away by greif and indicision
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was a grim thing to go through and interferred with the greif
proccess
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the dissasociation
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
it seemed to be more of a grim shock, and took time to deal with.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
At sixteen, I was depressed, and had atempted suicide twice. The
experience, although breif, gave me a glimpse, and thereafter I
have been able to expand my veiws in a possitive direction. I am
most gratefull. I hope to be a positive influence from here on
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have caught brief glimpses from the corner of my eye, had dreams,
may have had "conversations".
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
This was the first experience. There are others - at sisteen
I was depressed, and tried to end my life twice. Then I had an
operation in which my heart stopped, and had a breif out of body
experience. Thereafter, my veiw slowly changed over time. When my
only brother died when I was in my early thirties, my lose was great,
but I still beleive there is a continuance and more than one life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
Families "protecting" me
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep 20 01:57:18 2003
M42 in Sycamore, Illinois =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Afterlife Experiments
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Gary Schartz PHD.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The passing of our soul from this body back to the spirit world
(an unknown, or rather an un-remembered state of existance.)
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Had almost no feelings about it, except I was sad that my Mother
was sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandmother's funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
overwleming sorrow, and feeling empathectically the grief of
the family.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Just a passing into a different state of existance. It is said that
we are sad when someone dies because it is not us, and happy when
someone is born, because it is not us.I believe that subconciously
we remeber where we are from, and all seek to return there.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I don't know.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Mostly studying death through Zen and Tibbetin Buddism, Christian
Mysticism, New Age Mysticism, modern science.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Comforting a family member.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Beyond my experience.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Just be there, visit the person.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Visit my wife's Grandma before she became incoherent.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I just don't know what to say sometimes to comfort a loved one. It
seems there should be some "Dear Abby" booklet of things to say
that would magically take away someones grief.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
return to whence I came.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
why.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Thankfulness
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
next to nothing. Spirituality means much more to me.
--Religious Affiliation:
None/Prodestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
universal
--Regarding MONEY:
Relatives couldn't wait to get their hands on the loot. Shameless
greed.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Great that friends turned out to support the family. Alot of
useless ceremony.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
$ spent on funeral, grave site, and casket, for a shell that no
longer carries their loved one.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
enlightenment, grace.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I have not experienced them enough to comment.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Feel bad that I didn't visit my wife's Grandma in her later stages
of cancer. I felt it was too hard to bear. I didn't know what to
say. I am shcedule to attend Hospice Volunteer classes next week.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would be great to hear that they were OK and doing well.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Only experience with this was a visitation from our family cat
in a dream, the night after she died. She had been in alot of
pain. She visited me as a person and we swam in a river. It was
the most "freeing" experience I have ever had.
I knew that she
had passed over and had come to tell me she was no longer in pain
and say goodbye.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A Living Will comes to mind. I have perchased a living will kit
which I want to fill out with my wife, but she finds it morbid
because of her fears of death, and never wishes to discuss it.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I worry more about how my family would get along. I no longer fear
death, althogh, I fear pain.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Loving husband and Father. Enjoyed people and nature. His curiosity
drove his zest for life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Writing poems
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I found the opposite with the passing of my Young friend. Athough
the friends that were pole bearers had been very close before his
death, afterwards we somehow drifted apart. I think it hurt too
much to be that close to someone and we put up walls to protect
ourselves from future grief.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just being there.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought I had more experience with death and grief than I do. I
realized I still have alot to experience and feel concerning death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
What do you say to a person that's lost or losing a loved one to
comfort them, besides your sorry for their loss?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 17 20:17:38 2003
M19 in Chandler, Oklahoma =U.S.A.=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
piers anthony, Stephen King
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: aneurism; Aged: 30.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end of Known paths. It is scary because we know nothing of where
we will go for sure. But having faith helps us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father. He had an aneurism.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how the body looked more like a shell of that person and not like
the person i knew.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
makes people lose faith.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made me harder as a person. its sad really but i lost a lot of
innocents from that experience. Harder to hurt.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing life goes on.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing my father.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It did happen there is no alternate reality. Accept it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was seriously pissed but had no one to release my anger on.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd do a couple things and tell everyone i love them then i
guess die.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I was a brave and fearless man and had a good life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
I just moved on. Nothing i could do about it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You should ask would you seriously give your life for a freind,
loved one,or even a complete stranger. You'll see how much a person
fears death and how brave they are.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 11 15:46:50 2003
F20 in Tennessee =USA=
Name: Kim
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Google searcg for "questionnaire"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 17.
--Details:
I was in the car 10 minutes before the accident happened. My
boyfriend was in the car when it happened.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person or animal is rid of the energy of life. They no longer
move, talk, feel or think. They dont even breasth any more. all
energies are stripped from their bodies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didnt really understand what happened, I didnt know what dead meant.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My grandfather died of Lung Cancer and Emphezema 3 years ago. He
suffered grealy his last months in life. He was bed ridden for 8
or 9 months, I remember the whole family coming together to take
care of him. I remember thinking that that wasnt my PawPaw lying in
that bed, he was a man full of life, he loved to sing sily songs,
drink from the same cup every time, and was always greasy from
workng on cars. I rememered his life, and to me he died before he
changed into that pitiful dying man lying in the bed.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The ones who are left behind to mourn are worse off than the one
who died. Dont mourn for the dead, mourn for yourself.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Something good did come from my friends death. My boyfrien (his best
friend) and I became very close and shared a great love. Without
that experience, I could have missed out on that relationship.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk with them. More importantly listen to them. They have much
wisdom and courage and much can be learned, maybe they can even
open your eayes to the miracle that is life. And when they do die
you can take comfort in knowing how they felt about it and hat you
were there with them. The conversations will become very important
and something that you will always remember.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Not ask for a ride that day. That made him late and put him where
he was when he was.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Accidentally mention them like they are still alive, out of habit
I guess.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have a son now and I wish my grandfather were here to see him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Friend- I had heard there was a wreck soon after it happened,
but was told there were only minor injuries. Several hours later I
got a call and learned that my friend was dead. i thought NO WAY,
THAT CANT HAPPEN, HES JUST 17 AND I JUST SAW HIM EARLIER TODAY
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Good. Home Health helped take care of my grandad before he died
they also helped the family deal with the situation
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. everything they said felt so shallow. they didnt understand
me, why should i listen to them?
--Religious Affiliation:
None now, Baptist then
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Me and my btfriend spent a lot of time talking about it, crying,
and visiting the grave. Even though we are both married to other
people, we still visit his grave together.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I felt guilty because he gave me a ride somewhere, which made him
in a hurry to get home, which put him in that place at that time.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 10 14:18:02 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo search
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Self (near death), 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: allergic reaction to drug; Aged: 40.
--Details:
I had no heartbeat or breathing for 20 minutes. I stayed in coma
for 2 days. Awoke and was fine.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving your body, going back to spirit/energy form until you are
sent back to the physical life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
became physically ill.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the reality that I was never afraid of dying but afraid to live.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
memories and the connection with the soul.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
experiencing it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them know where they are going is so wonderful you can
describe it in words.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
There is no death. You just leave your body.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
I used to not feel emotion.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 10 09:09:19 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
looking for work related websites
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The mourning handbook, daughters without mothers, my grandfathers
blessings
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Sep 8 14:07:17 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
on death and dying, mans search for meaning, the chronicles of
doo-dah, the bible, the koran, the githa
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 43 Years ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 7.
--Details:
he had just given me a model plane for my birthday in class on
that friday. he died the next day.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the stoppage of cellular function due to a muliplicity of causes.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 4yrs old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
there have been so many
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is about living and being connected.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
me doing the family homily at mass for many of the relatives.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the memories
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the shallowness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
thanks for the memories
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
now look forward to the peace that death will bring as long as you
have lead a life devoted to service.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my relatives got drunk
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
family tait of humor - - - it really works
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say i love you
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
do the eulogys
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
sharing of the persons experience
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral arrangements
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a special smell comes by or a special place
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
rarely if ever
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
never felt it was not fair but just part of a plan
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
no it is not difficult
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it is not the fact that someone has died suddenly, but that i did
not get to say fair well my friend. the loose ends are a bitch.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
true contempt
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
poor at best
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a formalized tieing of loose ends
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are all energy
--Regarding MONEY:
it was like monkeys fighting over peanuts thrown into the pen
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how little people really care about each other
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing the instant the person died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the look
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you are lucky if you can say goodby
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
grandfather was only concerned if his dogs were there to greet him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
our family knows when a relative dies suddenly
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
it is what it is so you have the opportunity to not make the same
mistakes with the living.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
never happened
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
yes, hard to describe
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
no extended care
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes, the mayo clinic has given me four years on the outside to live.
if i take their advice, i might beat the odds, so i am cleaning up
loose ends and at the same time trying to beat the odds.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
it would be a combination of we are the champions song by queen and
i did it my way by goulet.
Patrick T. he did the best he could
with what he had 110% of the time for everyone but him.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
thinking of the good times
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
increased the kindness
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
it is really of combination of about 6 points
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Funeral and Rituals
really the false or shallow behaviour of people
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just kicking around the memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
kewl
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Sep 7 17:22:51 2003
F43 in Cancun, Quintana Roo =México=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: lawyer
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 18 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
i didnt know he got it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
vanish from this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cant believe the huge size of my pain
--That first time, how it happened was
my father past away suddenly and at that time i was in high risk
pregnancy and very close to death
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sense of loss
--What I think my (México) culture needs to better learn about death is:
learn to say good bye to our loving-dying ones
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
silence about the dead person
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 4 07:51:18 2003
F18 in =Unknown Locale=
Name: Jeanne
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I'll be missing you
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Shakespear, Jewel, P.doddy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Suiside; Aged: 17.
--Details:
He had lived his life in foster care, thinking that everyone that was
supposed to love him... like his real parents didn't care about him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of a beginning
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was confused and scared, i felt it wasnt fair
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much I wanted him back so I could really be there for him
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That we are all unaware of what really is to happen, so we can feel
the same
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I got the chance to know these amazing friends of mine.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
believeing that he was ok now and he didnt have to hurt anymore
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that he is gone, and hes not coming back
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
letting them know you care
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have coped with everything
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he got taken at such a young age, before he really got to live
his life
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
we have to remember all the good times we had
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell them how much i loved them and how they impacted my life
so much
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know this person and experience there presence
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my friends parents let his friends go in his rooms and have things
that were his, it's like having apart of him always with us
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
smiling at the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember the people who have made a difference in my life
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have been sure to tell them how much they ment to me,
and make it a point to be with them more often
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was really going places and he left so many people who truly
cared.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
snap my fingers and he would be here
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
this can't be true, they must be playing a trick on me
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
pretty helpful
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
being there for one another and prayer
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
overwhelming
--Regarding MONEY:
i didnt really pay anything
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how hard it was to be there
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wondering if he was happy now
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
severe depression and withdrawrl from people
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
that i will be with them again someday
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i feel badly that because of our own selfishness he is now dead
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
when i was a child I was near death 2 times. the docters first
thought that I had some sort of bone cancer and the second time,
I OD'd on my fathers heart pills.... I don't remember much because I
was so young, but sometimes i dream about things and i tell my mom
and she told me that those things had happend to me at the hospital
when i was near death.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am so scared to say goodbye, because once I say goodbye I know
he is really gone and I dont know how ready I am to really face that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them I loved them so much and many of my greatest
childhood memories involve them and all the fun we had, i would terll
them they mean the world to me and that im always here for them.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
sometimes when i feel alone or down, i can feel there love for
me.... after the death of one of my friends everywhere I went,
i kept thinking I saw him
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
how you treat people and portay yourself
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Im scared, but I know where im going so it's a good scared, im
excited to see all the people have lost
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
be selfless in all you do, you have a greater impact on those around
you that you could ever know
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Doing art work focused on how I was feeling and talking ot his family
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
not really
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have found people who have experienced the same things at me and
they are helpful
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
My family and Religion
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
the fact that i never got to say goodbye
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
my way of reaching out was making people aware that you can really
impact the life of another person
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was hard.... thinking about them always is
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
i dont really know
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 4 07:33:33 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Psychology class teacher referred me to this site to answer some
quiestions of my own.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is losing someone very important to you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was crushed.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was an accident and I lost of my friends in the crash.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
There were so many people affected by his death that there was so
much sadness.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
I dont know.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That we had so many good times.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A group of friends stayed at my house for a couple of days and we
all hepled each other cope with his death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that they are never coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I dont know.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
You can move on and everythings not going to go back to normal,
but you reassured that everything will be ok.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It was so sudden and so petty, that it never should have happened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say good-bye and tell him how I really felt about him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get over it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was never going to see him again, there was so much I could
have said...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 2 21:05:42 2003
F22 in Portland, OR =USA=
Name: Anna
Email: <anna-at-kaslcomputers.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
http://dir.yahoo.com/Social_Science/Psychology/Research/Tests_and_Experiments/
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
n/a
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sogyal Rinpoche
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 92.
--Details:
He had been ill for quite a few years. He was in the hospital when
he died. I guess his body just gave out. There is no one certain
cause of death, but it is rumored that the humidifier he used at
home somehow contributed to it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life in human form. Nobody knows for certain what happens
to a person after death, but many believe that the person's soul
goes on to live after the human body has died.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had already come to accept death as a fact of life. By then I was
old enough to realize that death cannot be avoided, everyone dies,
and there really cannot be life as we know it, without there also
being death.
--That first time, how it happened was
The first person close to me to actually die was my grandfather. He
died in the latter half of last year. I was 22. He was very
old--92--so I was expecting for him to die for a very long time. I
was not very close to him so I didn't take the death as hard
as I might have liked. I cried at the funeral, but I feel I got
over it pretty quickly. Mainly, I felt sorry for my mother and my
grandmother--that was the hardest part. I think about him now and
then and I pray for God to take care of him.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the funeral. I remember my mother's sadness and wondering what
I could possibly do to comfort her. I remember the sunshine at
the cemetery and how sad it was when his body was lowered into the
grave--how ironic that the sun was out on such a day. I wondered how
the funeral personnel could have such a job without going crazy. I
remember my poor little grandmother, towering over the body, touching
its hand, kissing it, talking to it, etc. I remember noting how
odd it was that everyone seemed to be worshipping the body even
though my grandfather--the person they were actually mourning--was
not in it anymore. I remember feeling very helpless over this aspect
(death) and sad. I felt very sorry for my grandpa. I realized that no
matter how strong a person is over other aspects of their life, they
ultimately have no control over their own lives when the end comes.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it does not have to be something sad. This country is supposedly
full of Christians and people who believe in life after death. They
believe in a heaven, yet then why all the sadness? If heaven is
true, then why is it such a tragedy whenever somebody dies? In some
cultures, death is a celebration. I don't understand why we cannot
look at it this way as well. It would only make sense considering
what most people supposedly believe.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my grandfather's death was responsible for me deciding to move
back to Oregon to be with my parents. This has brought me closer
to my family, my goals, and has ultimately made me happier. My
grandfather never liked the idea of me going to California, and I
like to think that he had some part in my decision to move back.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I did not have such a hard time dealing with the death. However,
I know that if my parents were to die it would be a completely
different story. I don't know how I will deal with it when that day
comes. That will probably be the end of the world. After my grandpa
died, I read parts from the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. If
my grandpa's death had shaken me up a little more, I would have
probably read the whole thing and taken comfort from my family
and those who feel the same way I do. In this situation, though,
I felt like I needed to be strong and to focus more on comforting
my mother than on myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that my parents will die too someday. I don't like to
think about that and I have always tried to avoid the thought. But
my grandfather's death kind of made such thoughts unavoidable and
made the prospect of death undeniable.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I'm not sure I understand the question, but I'll try to answer. I
think that a dying person can benefit most from having people
there and knowing that they are loved. I can't think of any other
way to help a dying person. If the dying person is lonely, be with
them--love them. If the dying person is scared, comfort them, let
them know that everything is OK. If they are religious, remind
them of God and their beliefs. If they are in pain, do what you
can to ease that pain. All in all, I think love is the strongest
thing that you can give a dying person, because there is nothing
in this world that is stronger or more powerful than that.
--[My Unknown Person's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I didn't really learn much from the death of my grandfather. The
only other people I knew who have died weren't anybody really
close to me. My cousin's boyfriend died in Iraq, but I didn't know
him. My father's parents died, but I only met them once. Therefore,
what I have learned about death has come more from my own inner
contemplation and thought than from actual death experiences. I
started thinking about death in the fourth grade (I remember it very
vividly), and have thought about it more than I think the average
person has. Probably the most important thing that one can learn
from the actual experience itself is how to cope. If they are
ignorant or else just young, they will probably also learn that
death is a reality.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The only confusing thing about death is the fact that we don't know
what--or if anything--comes afterward. I am not confused about why
my grandfather died, but I am confused about where he is now. Where
did he go? That is the only confusion I really feel. Where did he
go, and why was it necessary that he had to leave? Am I right about
what I believe? Is my mother right? (These are not questions I have
about him in particular, but about all people when they die.)
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
There is no way I could have laughed about this. I smiled a couple
times at the funeral, at people I hadn't seen in a while, but most
of the time was spent with my lips twitching and bawling my eyes
out. Even if there had been something funny--a joke, perhaps--it
would never have been appropriate to laugh. There is nothing funny
about my grandpa dying, poor man. I have heard of some people having
strange, backwards reactions like this, but that was not the case
for me or anybody else at that time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I really wish I'd had an opportunity to see him one last time, to
tell him that I loved him. The night before he died, I had a feeling
that he might die, so I told my mom over the phone to please tell
grandpa that I loved him. Afterwards, when I asked her if she ever
told him, she said she did, but I do not believe her. I know that
many people say this--that they wish they'd had a chance to say
"I love you," but I really do not feel much regret. I did love
him and I think he knew that. I do wish I would have spent more
time with him in his final years, but the regret is not so strong
because I know he was surrounded by people who loved him. He was
lucky in that sense. The fact that I was far away does not change
the fact that I did love him. If there is anything more to life
then I'm certain that he knows that.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
fly back and attend his funeral. But mostly, I am glad that my mother
is OK now. Of course, she is still sad, but prior to his death,
I feared the day because I thought my mother would not be able
to handle it. She has handled it surprisingly well (even though
she still thinks about it frequently--that is perfectly normal)
and I am extremely relieved for that.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw the way that people were worshipping the body. Like I
said before, they were reacting to the lifeless body as though
my grandfather were somehow still in it, as though it were still
him. It was strange. I honestly felt at the moment like I must be
the only one in that room who realizes that the corpse in the coffin
is not my grandfather anymore. Perhaps his corpse is a symbol of the
man he used to be, but obviously it wasn't him anymore--and that's
how they were acting, by staring at it, kissing it, touching it,
etc. I found that a really odd feeling and one which has, obviously,
really made a lasting impression in my mind.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Again, the worship of the body. I didn't think it very important
to even see the body, but when I told my mother this, she got very
angry. She accused me of not loving him, when in my eyes, it is the
other way around. I loved my grandpa, not his body. He is not his
body, the dead body--that's not HIM. I don't know why people don't
understand this. They think it's so important to have an open casket,
to touch the person's hand, but I do not see the logic in this. I
prefer to remember my grandfather as he was alive, not as a still,
cold, lifeless, waxy corpse.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Yes, when I think very hard about it I feel immensely sorry for my
grandpa. The thought of him setting off into the unknown, all alone,
just makes me incredibly sad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'm not sure I understand the question. I guess you are asking me
how my life might me different if my grandpa were still alive. I'm
not sure. He was very old (92) and very ill. He couldn't do very
many things as his body was weak and deteriorating. Furthermore,
he did not speak English and my Romanian is so rusty that I had a
hard time communicating with him. In addition to his frail body,
his mind was deteriorating as well. He was becoming increasingly
paranoid about things--he believed the mailman was stealing his
social security checks, for example, and that President Bush
was conspiring to screw him and all elderly citizens over. In
all honesty, I believe that it was his time to go. His body was
constantly in pain, and the medication had long since begun to
have no effect on him. I think that had he been alive any longer it
would only have gotten worse and worse. It was already a physical
burden on him to live and I believe that even he lasted as long as
he did because his will to live was so strong. I don't regret him
dying when he did, because I truly believe his time had come.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I don't think there is anything unfair about dying. Everyone
dies sooner or later, whether they're Britney Spears or a leper
in Africa. We humans all have the same fate, no matter what our
socioeconomic status or whatever. So, even though life may not be
fair, death actually is. It doesn't pick and choose; it doesn't
discriminate.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
help ease my mother's pain. I often just wish I could make her
understand that it was my grandfather's time to go, and that it
wasn't because of the doctors' negligence that he died when he did.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had been expecting it for quite a while. Every time he would end
up in the hospital, I would expect to get that phone call. I knew
it was coming, so I wasn't really surprised. My first reaction was,
"What can I do or say now to help my mom?" I was kind of at a loss
for words. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I wanted to comfort
my mom, but there was nothing I could say to change things. I
immediately decided to fly to Oregon and then take things from
there. I think I said a prayer for my grandpa, tried talking to
him. These were my initial reactions.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ambivalence. There have been times when they've done such a great job
that I could owe them my life; other times, they have been guilty
of complete negligence. It depends on the doctor/nurse--no two are
alike. Some are intelligent, others are stupid and/or just careless.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I'm not sure if the death would technically qualify as "degenerative"
but it's possible. From what my mother tells me, the hospital did
an awful job. When my grandfather would wet his bed, it would take
them, literally, hours to change the sheets. Sometimes when he was
in pain, they would ignore it. I tend to believe her, because a
similar thing happened to my own father under which circumstances
I was there to witness it for myself. I don't put much faith in
most nurses because of my own negative experiences. Many of them
despise their jobs and cannot wait until their shift is over to go
home. Many of them are simply not qualified to do their job. They
consider everything they do routine and not only do not care for
the patients but also, after a long time of working in the hospital
environment, have actually become desensitized to the patients'
needs. It's no surprise that they are careless and mistreat many
of their patients, leaving them to suffer in their beds while they
sip coffee and chat with other nurses.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Organized religion played no part in it for me. Unlike most of my
family members, I've never felt like I needed to go to church in
order to pray. When I pray alone, God hears me well enough, and
that is all that really matters. While it may help someone cope to
gain sympathy/support from others, I didn't feel like I needed it
in this particular situation.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was born into a Greek Orthodox family and as a baby baptized
into the Greek Orthodox religion. I went to Greek Orthodox church
as a young kid. I attended Catholic private school for ten years
throughout which I would participate in the monthly masses, taking
communion and everything, although I never really converted to
Catholicism. Now, my parents attend and are very involved in the
Romanian Orthodox church. As for myself, I currently do not attend
church or consider myself part of any religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Unfortunately, my grandfather's death did nothing to strengthen my
belief in a spirit, soul, or afterlife. While I have had a couple
of dreams with him in them, there has never really been anything
to make me feel like he is still alive. I still like to hope that
he is, though, and my mother does feel otherwise. She, unlike me,
claims to feel her father in her life all the time. She apparently
can feel his spirit in a way that I cannot.
--Regarding MONEY:
I don't know. My mother paid for everything. The funeral was very
elaborate and I'm sure it cost her a fortune. I haven't really
thought about this before because, when a loved one dies, money is
really the last thing from your mind. I'm sure she'd have given up
her house in order to give him the funeral he deserved.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the reason we were there. Grandpa's death. The body. All the sad
things. While the flowers were beautiful and everything was really
lovely, it's hard to think of the funeral as having been "nice,"
considering the circumstances. As for the mourners, a lot of people
from church as well as long-time friends of the family showed up
to pay their respects. I honestly don't remember who was there
because I wasn't paying attention to that, although I am certainly
appreciative to everyone who showed up.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling guilty about not feeling sad enough. I remember the night
he died I had to go out to Rite Aid for some food or something. I
remember I had a CD playing in the car and I suddenly felt guilty
for listening to the music when Grandpa could no longer listen to
music or hear anything at all for that matter. I had strange little
moments like these for a while. But most of all, I felt guilty about
not feeling as sad as I think I should have felt. I still feel this
way. My grandpa raised me. I should feel sadder. I shouldn't have
gotten over this as easily as I did. I still think this sometimes
and wonder what is wrong with me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I would be unqualified to answer this seeing as I was not near my
grandpa in the years before his death. Over those years, however,
the hospital visits did become more and more frequent. Various body
parts began to give him problems or else quit working altogether. His
pain got worse and worse to the point where very strong pain killers
no longer worked. I think those may be just a few of the signs for
those who near death by means of old age.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't know. I don't really think I went through the whole "grieving
process." The only feeling I really felt was sadness. There was
no shock, denial, or those kinds of things. I never became very
depressed either--I only felt sadness.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
There were a couple of things I know about. A while before my
grandpa died I remember he had an out-of-body experience where
he was floating out of his body over his bed and did not feel any
pain. I don't know if he saw any dead relatives at this time. Then,
a little while before he died (when he was in the hospital), my
mother said to him: "You'll be fine. Don't worry. You'll get better
soon and then we'll go home." Then, according to her, Grandpa said
with a glazed, faraway look in his eyes: "I'm already home." And
he died shortly after that.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I just hope he knew that I cared about him and that I appreciate
all that he did for me as a child--watching me, feeding me, playing
games with me, telling me bedtime stories, etc. That would be the
only issue I might consider "unresolved."
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to hear my grandpa tell me that he is in Heaven and
that he is happy. I want to hear him tell me not to be scared,
that everything is fine, and that he is OK.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had one or two dreams about my grandfather following his
death. One of them occured shortly after his death in which he
appeared as a young, brown-haired version of himself. In the dream,
he was preparing to go aboard a "rocket ship" of some sort. There was
something he told me in the dream that seemed important at the time,
but I don't remember what that was. In the second dream, I dreamed
him as he was before he died--old and grey. I don't remember much
of that dream either and I consider it less significant than the
first one.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
All I would care about is that my parents were taken care of, saying
I died before them. I'm only 22 so I haven't really accomplished
too much. I don't have a spouse and I don't have any children. I'm
still in school and don't have much for property. Thus, the only
wish I would have is that my parents move on with their lives. Other
than that, nothing would really be too important. I wouldn't care
what is done with my belongings, or the way the funeral ceremony
is conducted. However, I probably would request that I be given a
burial plot next to my parents--that is pretty important.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I have given a great deal of thought to my own death. Honestly,
the thought scares me. It would scare me to know that I would die
very soon--I think I'd prefer not to know. I'm not sure what else to
say. Although I'm afraid, I still realize that it is an inevitable
thing. And even though I'm afraid, it scares me far more to think
about my parents dying than to think of my own death. I'd rather
myself die than them.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I honestly don't think that I would care too much. I wouldn't want
to impose anything on anybody so I would not want my obituary to
say anything fancy. Of course I would hope that everyone could
remember me for positive things and for the person I really was,
but I would hate to put suggestions into their heads. Let them think
what they want to think of me, and I'll just hope that it is good.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I can't think of anything like this that I did.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Well, like I said before, I feel like my grandpa played some role
in my decision to move back to Oregon to be around my family. Since
then, my relationships with all my family members have grown closer,
and I like to think that this is somehow his doing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
Like I said, I knew it was coming. Another main factor was that we
were not very close (at the time we lived in different states and
I rarely saw him).
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I'm not sure I understand the question. What got in the way of
me dealing with the death? Nothing. I dealt with it pretty well
(see last two questions).
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
When loved ones die, sometimes those left behind start to become
irrational. I spent a long time consoling my mom, and this
is an ongoing process. She feels just about every thing in the
book--regret, depression, guilt, etc., etc. She spent a long time
blaming the doctors for his death, at which I had to spend long
times convincing her that it was simply just his time. She has had
doubts about her own faith, at which I have to reconvince her about
her own faith in God and her own beliefs. She feels that Grandpa
may have died in pain, at which I have to convince her that he is
just fine now, and that those final moments really do not matter to
him anymore. These are just some of the things I have spent hours
talking to my mother about. I can see that my words have been really
helpful to her.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, normally I would not have filled out a questionnaire that is
this long, but the questions kept me intrigued. They were interesting
and I liked to see where my own thoughts went with each question. I
never readily thought about some of these things and I'm glad the
questionnaire made me think about my grandpa and assess the way I
feel about his death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
There were a couple of questions that I wasn't sure I understood,
but I have pointed those out.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Aug 03 contributions.
See Jul 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
