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See Current contributions.
See Jul 99 contributions.
See Jun 99 contributions.
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Tue Aug 31 15:13:26 1999
F40 in Baltimore, Maryland =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Apprentice Carpenter;
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
We don't die.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
George Anderson.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Aunt Dot died of cancer and he had lung cancer himself; Aged: 80.
--Details:
Sheesh. Uncle Roy and Aunt Dot I loved more than my own parents.
Aunt Dot, turns out, with intractible breast cancer. Year or so
later, Uncle Roy died at a hospital hours away from me after a
supper at his daughter's house. But, I had to find out from new
neighbors. On the telephone. Instead of one of the two daughters
telling me. Then, the two daughters treated me like I was some
"stranger". Yikes. All I asked for was a picture of the two of them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our bodies stop "living" on their own, and our "consciousness"
stops in that body. There are many religions with different beliefs
about what happens to the "person" after their body stops living;
but so far we only have anecdotal evidence. Death is most painful,
emotionally, for the folks left behind.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered what had happened. why others were reacting like they were.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Grandfather, my mom's dad, died and he was
the first person I'd seen who was dead. He built houses and boats
by himself. Smoked Half & Half pipe tobacco and was not know to me,
an 8 or so year old granddaughter because my father would monopolize
his time. I'm the only one out of ten grandchildren who had his
gift of "hands-on" (I'm an upholsterer, carpenter & builder) I wish
someone, Grandfather, had taken the time to know me. I just think
he would have been a cool guy for me to have known. But nooooo.
And, I'd never seen him in a suit, tie, shaved, "sleeping" before.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My selfish thoughts that I missed them terribly.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Let people learn to be at peace with the last part of life, have
the grace to let go when it's time!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
People who are so greatly suffering, it's a good thing that they die.
I am [relieved] when I learn that a mean, vicious, or "bad"
person dies. Literally, it's the only way that individual will
stop hurting people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Alcohol.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having those any longer who knew me well and loved me just as
I am.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Speak to them. Even if they are in a coma/"asleep". Touch them.
Hold their hand when they are leaving. Tell them how much they
mean to you. That you will miss them and love them and that it's
ok that they go.
--[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
..as a driver of a tractor trailer, and two other drivers, pulled
to the side of the road to help a woman who had careened off the
highway, hydroplaning into a culvert. Had we not stopped, she would
not have been discovered --till the next accident--Subsequently,
we learned that the area is even given a name because it draws
so many roadway deaths to the exact spot from the same roadway
problem. I pulled over, ran to the scene with my bunk blanket.
two other drivers were trying to open the top of the mercury
convertible. I found her purse and even tho her head was down
(chin to chest) I just talked to her by name and explained what
was happening... The men were on top of the car and opening the
convertible roof... Waiting on the emergency people...I told her that
her family loved her... Hang on if you can... It's ok if you need
to go...etc. She had goosebumps when they removed my blanket. We
did not know she had died. I was shook up after the ambulance left.
At the truckstop I tried to find out how the woman was, thinking
I could maybe visit her in the hosp and see how she was and tell
her about the guys, etc. Turns out the hospital woman said
"she expired". Like a library card? I had a particular urge to
communicate with the family to tell them she had us with her when
she died. it was difficult. The other 2 drivers disappeared.
the only thing I remember was their CB "handles". I was most
profoundly impressed with learning that had I not had this "urge"
to call, the entire family would never had known what had happened
to their daughter, whom they dearly loved!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
..have my Aunt Dot as long as I did; and make both she and Uncle
Roy laugh; and do lots of stuff around their house just because
they were so special to me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had the opportunities to help carry the caskets. Not just as
"a woman" but that I was so honored as to share this excruciatingly
personal time with them.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The church ceremony. Gimme a break.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am somehow reminded of our times together; or that I miss them
terribly, still.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might be living in that same secure state...I would not have the
aloneness I suffer now...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
...that Aunt Dot had such intractible pain and suffering with cancer.
Yet, my father, whom I describe as "A hate-filled, frustrating (v),
billious example of a human being" just keeled over, in his easy
chair one day. I STILL DON'T GET IT!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
feel happiness more than nothing.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. And cried more.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Disgust. We have no "insurance" (such as the living will) to go on
to our deaths because it can be overridden by a "wellmeaning/'legal'
relative"
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Sheesh. I hope I have the grace to let go when it's my time. I hope
I can be in familiar surroundings, with, perhaps, people who care
about me around me.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Religiousity. Hypocrisy. Pomp and ceremony.
--Religious Affiliation:
agnostic. I believe there is somewhere we "go"; life is too complex
and complicated for randomness; more towards American Indians/Jewish
culture; ...whatever gives us breath...
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
...like, I don't know how we are conditioned to pursue and value
what we do--it's like, the small stuff doesn't matter.
--Regarding MONEY:
When the person dies, they just take whatever they want without
regard to what the deceased wanted.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
"This is It." "This is a real, big Goodbye" "Ouch!"
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
either the person's or the person's family or people who were
in denial about the impending death. Like, should I play along?
Are you scared shitless? Are you out of your wits?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
...if the person knows and tells you "time is near" or, coloring,
breathing, lessening of sensation, or feeling "better".
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
...I felt so honored to have been a part of such a personal
experience--so much so, it has tempered any fear that I did not
turn away.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/an
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Wow. For me, I feel as though I should write to all the vicinity
hospitals and make sure they have a medical directive for me. An
independent legal source to somehow make sure it is followed--either
to protect me from a relative or a hospital "well-wisher"...
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm sure I'd have shocked and hurt and scared feelings. I would
hope I would have the grace to experience a good death, perhaps
secure with a loved one near me. I'd like to not be the cause
of anyone's sorrow. Rather, I would wish that I caused a lot of
good memories!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just come right out and talk to whomever I am squished about.
Just like in normal time.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Just that it seems others are uncomfortable with my "don't sweat
the small stuff" look at life...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yep! The woman's family! I wish they were my folks!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Depression. I felt that I'd been cheated out of someone in my life
who would have appreciated and maybe even been proud of me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
I recall the fakeness of the churchguy eulogy, funeral home
"atmosphere" and my own family from which I could not distill
"what was going on" -- more isolation.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was able to put aside my feelings toward a real jerk & certified
butthead at work. while he was in the hospital I called him a few
times just to say I was thinking of him and maybe talk about the
job...He may have died by now. 53, Leukemia.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Your questionnaire was useful in the sense that I looked back on
some of my beliefs and with some sense of health, I have felt I
have grown.
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Mon Aug 30 19:07:42 1999
F26 in Eugene, OR =USA=
Name: Ingrid
Email: <ingridk-at-efn.org>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Teacher, alternative school for criminal youth
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 30.
--Details:
My cousin killed himself (jumped into a machine at his work--a
papermill) after getting criminal charges for sexual abuse related
crimes. He left a wife and two little tiny girls.
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--Death Is:
a time when the spark inside people leaves for somewhere else and
leaves the body behind to become compost. The spark is really happy
because it gets to go and have all sorts of questions answered
that it wondered about all it's life! It is very exciting, but
also scary because we hope that we didn't mess up too much in life.
I don't think we will look back though once we see God.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
needed to sing and pray and walk alot.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother died when I was
about 14. She was very old of course, and a sweet, gentle woman.
I remember her death most of all because there was an open casket.
The way that her hands were folded (sort of claw-looking) is very
memorable to me. I remember that my mother thought her hair was
too fussy and perfect. She joked that she was going to reach into
the casket and fluff it up. I think I thought she was really going
to do that. On the way to the internment, I rode with my teenage
cousins. We traveled through the countryside blasting Jefferson
Airplane with the windows down. I was much younger than them so
I thought the whole thing was cool. The saddest part to me about
Great Grandma dying was that a few aunts contrived early on to get
her rings off her. That was sort of yucky and disturbing.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My cousin sexually abused me, so when he died, I felt strangely free
to move on and have my own life. It was horrible though feeling
really guilty and glad that he was dead. And wondering how I could
go on feeling this because now that he was dead, what if he knew?
I felt exposed, like he was probably looking at me from wherever he
was, saying, "You baby. It wasn't that bad. You need to be more
forgiving." And I felt real pain for my aunt whom I love dearly.
I knew that she was crushed (she didn't know about her son's bad
side.)'s death
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The body really is empty. The spirit really is gone. It's okay
to touch the empty body and talk to it, but also good to just talk
to the spirit all the time, every day. Maybe they can hear!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Seeing my aunt's body.....I really knew that she was in a better
place. Or I wasn't scared by her dead body. It wasn't like
in movies. It was really a shell....just like I've heard people say.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A sweet nun made me lots of peppermint tea and listened to me talk
about my feelings of guilt over my cousin's death. She told me that
I could yell at him in my room if I wanted or just tell him that
I was mad at him still. She told me that this was okay and would
help me get to the point where maybe I might be able to forgive him,
or at least not be bothered by being angry at him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Left over issues with that person.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he can go and hurt people once during life and then again during
death. Suicide is really unfair. he is the one who screwed up, not
my aunt or the rest of the family. And now they hurt worse than him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
needed to walk and cry and be sort of spacey. I walked to the zoo in
Toronto and fed the animals for a few hours. It was empty near the
petting zoo and I pet goats and sang to them until someone came in.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Comfort and forgiveness. I don't care what movies and media seem
to want to say about church, the Catholic Church in particular.
I found such intensely beautiful, non-judgemental treatment in the
church. The priest who performed the funeral really built a bridge
of understanding and peace for the family and friends mourning.
He actually talked about suicide in his sermon! It was great and
helpful and healing.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
It's sort of what I said in my description of death to the
alien....No matter who we are, whether we believe in God or not,
I believe that we are all going to meet Her/Him! It is going to be
really exciting, because we will all find out about stuff that we
were right about, stuff that we were wrong about etc. I think even
the pope will have his moment with God when She says, "Sorry buddy.
You tried, but you were wrong about X". I feel pretty excited about
this moment. I think throughout time, all those who beleived in
the supreme Spirit will be please to meet IT. The other people will
be accepted too, but they will probably feel pretty upset that they
never listen to reason when they were alive. They'll feel stupid.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I'm in a good place with my cousin. I am now at the point where I
think more of his unhappiness with his life. When I see pictures
of him in life, I notice how sad he always looked, like a wounded
little boy. I wonder if he was sexually abused? I wonder what he
thought when he saw me, if he hated himself? I now work with sex
offenders and see the woundedness of the human being. I hope that
my clients don't kill themselves in their process of dealing with
the ugliness within. I wnat to help them get well.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
The rosary at the graveside
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
I always wanted to talk about the people and it seemed like there
were a lot of "wrong" things to say when someone died.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this was nice. I feel very peaceful.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I was looking for "prayer" under the button bar on "which has best
helped you deal with death". Personal belief is similar, but not
an active word that describes something that you can DO during that
time which is comforting.
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Mon Aug 30 18:57:50 1999
F35 Anonymous Guest
Email: <x_files-at-netins.net>
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
Prof/Studies: Angel
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 13.
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--Death Is:
The end to what we have known and the begainning to that that we
are un-sure of:
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was playing school house at home one afternoon, and I looked for
my dog to find her died under my sofa
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My dog of 13 years was found under the sofa
by me one afternoon.....she had been die awahile
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Helpless feeling that was over coming to my self
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That is going to happen to everyone in time
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brings a feeling of great closerness, to those that we truly
love. We try harder to hold on to what we remember about them once
they are gone
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Grandma........
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Mon Aug 30 13:06:08 1999
F36 in Monterrey, Nuevo León =Mexico=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Secretary
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: hearth attack; Aged: 47.
--Details:
they found him days latter (probably a week) after it happened.
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--Death Is:
leaving our earthly body so our soul returns to God
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt so much rage, my sister called me and told me our father passed
away and I was out of the country and fell so angry at my sister
I wanted to scream, I just hated everybody at that moment.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father passed away from a heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My fatherīs body in the corfin. I could not stand the idea of
them closing the corfin. I started screaming and crying when they
closed it.
--What I think my (Mexico) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Employers should learn to respect employeeīs pain. Maybe to give
people time off. I had to go back to work 2 days latter and it
was extremely painful.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
telling my youngest sister about the father she never meet.
(my father was on a wheelchair for as long as she could remember).
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My boyfriend holding me without saying a word and letting me cry.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking of him (his body) in a dark, humid place.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel lost
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why didnīt some one else died instead of him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support
--Religious Affiliation:
methodist
--Regarding MONEY:
Everything was paid for. We were all surprised but my dad had
alreary paid for his funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the lack of pictures
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My father, I was told, kept saying his father was there in the room
with him together with other relatives alreay dead. He would have
conversation with them.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
The first time my father had a hearth attack (7 year before he died)
I was at my parentīs house and I am not sure this was a dream, but
this is what happened: I saw my body on bed as I started going up
in the sky. I remember every color of my clothes and the room.
remember how I went thru the ceiling and my houseīs roof. I went
up probably 25 feet above the roof and I could not move (I tried)
and donīt remember having a body. then I saw a a dark cloud on top
of my house and a voice from right above me said in a loud voice
saying "Pobrecito" (spanish is my native language)which means
"poor man" the voice was extremely sad. For some reason I was not
scared it was like I had heard that voice before. I ask that voice
"My father?" and the voice said yes and I saw a snake (I donīt know
what kind) going in the house thru the front door which I could
see was open. At that moment I felt all the way down into my body
and jumped up just in time to hear my mother screaming because my
father was not breathing. She says someone woke her up and to my
surprise the front door was wide open. I would like to mention that
I saw things around the neighborhood that I couldnīt had seen from
groung level when I was up in the air and didnīt know they were
there until I confirmed them later.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I never gave it so much tought until afew days ago when I felt
chest pain (doctors couldnīt find anything wrong with me) but it
scared me very much.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel I became closer to my boyfriend.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was somehow painful
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Sun Aug 29 03:39:33 1999
Anonymous Guest 16 in , QLD =Australia=
16 in , QLD =Australia=
Email: <tarleyj-at-hotmail.com>
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yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 16.
--Details:
hung himself. I loved Assay so much as something more and it hurts
so much.
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--Death Is:
when a life ends, for good or for bad, there is nothing you can
do when it is your time.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
2 months ago
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my granddad on my fathers side.
My dad rung my mum but I was having a sleepover so she chose not
to tell me. She did however tell my best mates mum when she came
over and my mate said the next day, "I'm sorry bout you granddad"
and I'm like "what??!!!" so that is how I found out and I kinda of
pushed it behind me and didn't even shed a tear.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being scared and abandoned and not knowing how to act around my
usual group of friends
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I got to know his family
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my counsellor Renee
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
didn't I just answer this????
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
now
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
kiss him proplerly and let him know that I loved him
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Assay came to his mother & brother in their dreams and said he
never meant to cause so much pain. I wish he came to me.......
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
all of the question I didn't answer were worded wierd and too long
to unnderstand and they all said the same thing more or less
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Sat Aug 28 17:21:32 1999
F41 in , =usa=
Email: <burian-at-mindspring.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
at a search engine looking up death test
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Prof/Studies: internet company
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5-6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 54.
--Details:
He began working with Nuclear power in the 60s before good shielding,
etc and in his late forties early fifties he began experiencing
side effects.... colon cancer was the one side effect that finally
brought him down
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--Death Is:
a metamorphisis, we shed this body and assume another form our
mortal form passes back to dust and our energy passes back into
the universal brew to mix and mingle and eventually pass back into
another mortal form
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt sad, even cried at the passing....
--That first time, how it happened was
I was given a kitten for christmas, a sweet little siamese about
the size of the palm of your hand after three weeks I came home
from school and found her dead on my pillow.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sorrow I felt, and I was maddened by the senseless posturing
of the folks attempting to comfort the family...
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
just a change and that the death of an animal is the same as a
human, we are all related....
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was relieved at the end it gave to my fathers pain.. knowing that
the frustrations and pain he was suffering in his motal form passed
when he let go.......
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the time I snatched to be alone, to think and remember my father
and to cry without someone there feeling the need to comfort me....
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was putting up with all the needy folks wanting to be of aid and
comfort to the grieving family....
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just sitting there next to them, holding a hand or just resting
my hand against them so they know they are not alone. even tho at
times my father thought i was my mother (we look alike) I never
corrected that misconception, if it gave him comfort to believe
mom was with him then that is who I was for him
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
understood that death didn't end my relationship with my father,
I still love him, tho he is in the past and I am in the present the
love i feel for my father is here in the present with me.... all
the things he taught me continue to shape my present and future
and I still consider him part of my life
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a relief to acknowledge that life and laughter doesn't end
at the death of a loved one
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there at the end, I always felt bad that the kitten died alone
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral, it was just a show for the folks left behind but I
was sure my father wasn't there
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel like feeling sorry for myself and I think of the times past
but its good to cry
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
NEVER allow the medical profession to "practise" on you.... I
watched my father suffer needlessly through so many new treatments
just to make my mom happy.....
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
putting up with the platitutes of the religious vultures as they
circled us feeding on our grief and loss
--Religious Affiliation:
it would be more new age less traditional oppression
--Regarding MONEY:
so much money is needed up front to plant someone in the ground,
I told my child that whereever I dropped just set fire to me and
say what ever she wanted cause I wouldn't care and I didn't want
her in the poorhouse just to bury me
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how much other people need company when facing death
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when my mother decieded to use my fathers coffin as a burial crypt
going through the house looking for things to bury with him
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't know, both my grandmother and my father knew they were
going to die and knew when they were going to die my father told
us 2 days and he was right.....
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time alone helped and my dreams helped, after my fathers death
I saw both he and my grandmother who died before him in dreams,
that gave me comfort
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandmother when i visited her in the hospital knew of things
yet to occur ( she knew I would have a baby girl tho at the time
I was not pregnant) and she knew I would be away when she died but
she did not speak of being visited...
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I remember it was dark/dusk and I was standing next to the light,
it felt warm and comforting it shone done from the sky in a cone
were the base was a circle and I felt confused and scared until I
saw my grandmother and she was standing on the edge of the light,
greeting people and helping them step into the light, and she
said that I could come with them if I wanted and i said I wasn't
quite ready yet and she smiled said that was good... and then I
came to.... when My great uncle was dying his only daughter
was in another state she and her youngest son were in the den
with the door open into the front hall, her son turned and saw his
grandfather standing in the hall and his mother turned and saw her
father standing at the front door as if he had just walked in, she
jumped up and came around the couch and in the process lost sight of
him for a monent when she got to the door of the den he was gone,
an hour later she got the call he had died,... My best friend's
husband worked evenings, one evening she kept hearing things in
the house, the sound od silverware sliding as if someone had pulled
open the silverware drawer, cabinets opening, but noone was there,
she also smelled that mix of baby powder and something else often
associated with little old ladies, she went to bed and later that
night her husband came home, when she got up in the morning she told
him of her experiences, and he said that after he came to bed he
saw someone standing at the foot of the bed on his side but after
a monent or two the figure disappeared, my friend said she felt as
if someone died and the next day they found out that her husband's
great aunt had died.....
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
prepaid plots, coffins, services, etc, don't leave it for others to
scrounge up the money, lots of insurance, told my daughter to get rid
of the corpse the cheapest way so she has money for herself.... its
the way I would want it
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I got to bury the kitten rather than tossing it in the trash,
that helped
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
my parents told me that prior to this kitten they had gotten me
another (both from the pound) and it died before xmas so I understood
they the kittens were unwell...
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
its great to vent
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Fri Aug 27 20:56:28 1999
M32 in Statesville, NC =USA=
Name: Jim
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: product design, Bible, Music
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 2 wks ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: ?.
--Details:
Fellow church member. Brain tumor. Good family. Kids I can associate
with because of my own experience with my Mom.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Separation. Physical death is separation of spirit and
body. Spiritual death is separation from God (source of life).
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried, coped, and comforted others.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Mom died when I was 11. We had recently moved to take advantage
of milder climate and to be near certain family because of Mom's
condition. She had cancer which progressed quickly because the seed
cancer never masticized.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The way the whole church came together to help the family out.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There are worse deaths than physical death. We can kill others with
our tounges and our actions. Mostly we wield these weapons out of
fear that others will use these weapons against us first.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Jesus Christ, Creator who became creation, suffered death, physically
and spiritually, that our spiritual death could be reversed and our
imminent physical death will be reversed. He rose from the dead to
prove that the Creator of the universe could recreate the universe,
including us.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My understanding of the truth.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Allowing that the emotional release I needed was not selfish,
but necessary.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
took care of my younger brother.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have my mom know my wife and kids.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn from her and be her friend.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't have met my wife. I wouldn't have my wonderful kids. I
may have married someone else and had different kids, but I couldn't
imagine it. I dearly love the family that I have.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Tremendous support. God with skin on.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian, various denominations including but not limited to,
Church of the Bretheren, Southern Missionary Baptist, Church of God,
Evangelical Lutheran Church of America.
--Regarding MONEY:
My dad and step-mom struggled for several years.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All of the people my mom touched.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Re: My wife's aunt After her husband died she prayed that he could
be her guardian angel. She then detected a presence in her house
that she thought was her late husband. Physical manifestations
included things moving by some unexplainable means, a place in the
bed lowering as though someone were sitting on it, etc. At first
whatever it really was was amiable enough, but soon it got more
and more violent. My wife's aunt by her own testimony was, for a
short time, "posessed". After she came to her senses and realized
that she had invited in not her late husband but something else,
she tried to have the house "exorcized". When this diddn't work,
she sold the house and the land to a business that was building
in a neighboring lot. They found that the only thing they could do
with the house because of its "spiritual condition" was to burn it
to the ground.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Euthenasia is wrong. Suicide is wrong. Even terminally ill people
are eternally valuable.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm ready for it whenever it happens.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
God gave me a logical mind. We all know that the death rate is
100%. I knew it would happen and I prepared ahead of time.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Lack of emotional support.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
See previous answers.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Clarifying.
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Fri Aug 27 13:04:00 1999
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
death: the high cost of living
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Neil Gaiman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, yrs? ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 98.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a journy to another plane
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did nothing
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandpa died
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it isnt the end
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Fri Aug 27 06:59:38 1999
F17 in hartland, Vt =USA=
Name: Sarah
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I used Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: High school senior
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure; Aged: 93.
--Details:
was six, I already told you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
already told you about that.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My great-grandmother, in her ninties, fell
and broke her hip. she was sent to a nursing home and died there
about a month later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone was rather relived that she was put out of her pain,
except her son.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is not to be feared.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belif system.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realisation that I would never see her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
visit them, but don't act like it's a chore.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
your a kid and you doin't know percicely what death is.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just accepted it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
appreciation.no
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
for me, nothing; I'm a athiest. But I know the rest of her family
appreciated it; they are catholic.
--Religious Affiliation:
athiest
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Stupid. Of course death affects people differently who have
different belif systems. People of different religions may feel
the same, but Athiests don't belive in the afterlife; and that
definately matters.
--Regarding MONEY:
Her children got most her property, and other family members got
the rest.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The kids did not like the open casket; but they were forced to look
by thier parents.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
A rather unfeeling detachement from the experience.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think last wishes should be greatly respected so that people will
have confidence in the fast that their last wishes will be carried
out when they die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think I might regret not being able to do cirtain things, but it
wouldn't last long becuse I would know that I wouldn't be around
to regret it. I would however, worry about my family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was six when that happened, now it would probably be my belif
system that would help.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
notrhing really hindered me.
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Thu Aug 26 21:10:23 1999
F28 in Tacoma, Washington =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Keywords Death & Dying
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Holy Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: 48.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
never being able to see, touch or communicate with that person
ever again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Nearly lost it. I couldn't believe that no matter where I went or
what I did I would never see, touch or communicate with that person
ever again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my mother. She died as the result of
an aneurysm in the brain after 3 days on life support equipment.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The feelings of guilt, regret and abandonment.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I became very aware of my own mortality and how important it is
to share your feelings with others knowing that there may not be
another tommorrow.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to say I was sorry.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The coroner came to my home to tell me my father had committed
suicide. It didn't seem possible.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was hysterical. The nice man at the funeral home referred to
my mother as having "expired", like she was a credit card. It was
probably inappropriate being with my entire family but I laughed
really hard. My brother had to leave the room.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Apologize for not being more sensitive, not being there when he
needed me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I can find nothing to be thankful for.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I demanded that I be a Pall Bearer for my father. I am a female in
a traditional conservative family. My grandfather gave in.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I smell cigars because my dad smoked cigars.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would be able to hug.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I was really mad at God for a while. I went through a "what's the
point?" stage. I tried to figure out the meaning of life it all
seemed so pointless and depressing.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have one more conversation one more hug.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt a great sense of emptiness.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Frustration. My father couldn't the afford antidepressant medication
that may have saved his life.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Hope that I would seem them again.
--Religious Affiliation:
Non-denominational christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was sickening. Like the showroom floor for caskets.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I thought my dad would be proud of me for doing the Eulogy and for
being a female pall bearer.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
depression and not wanting to leave the house. Feeling sorry for
ones self.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have hoped and prayed for this type of experience with both my
mother and father but have never had them.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I will never be able to say that I am sorry for not being there
for my father when he needed me. I will just have to live with it.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would feel so much better to be able to apologize to my father
and to let my mother know how much I love her. It would be a
great relief.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die. I have so much I want to accomplish before I
go, like have children.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Listening to a cassette tape of my mother and I laughing and
singing together.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I wrote alot in a journal and wrote alot of poetry.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good to discuss and rethink about issues.
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Wed Aug 25 15:03:19 1999
F26 in , Maine =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother died at age five. I was told
she had gone to Heaven
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
When my mother died I used all the coping mechanisms, had too!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Wed Aug 25 10:18:53 1999
M20 in Marietta, GA =USA=
Name: Jason
Email: <swani182-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo! entertainment:contests, survays
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Prof/Studies: Engineer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 16.
--Details:
it was my senior year in high school and she was a relitivly new
aquaintence. I had known her for maybe 6 months and although we
were never extremly close, she was the kind of person that had a
brightness and happiness about her that is becoming more and more
rare in today's society. The heart attack was obviously a suprise
at age sixteen, and was very difficult to understand.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of everything, and the beginning of something we know
nothing about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Had such a stong faith it made me happy she was with God.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandmother died in 2nd or 3rd grade. Being at the funeral was my
only involment
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wishing it could have been me instead of her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's inevitable, and should not be feared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing good happened from any death i have been close to.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My best friend whose emotions and upbringing were very similar
to mine.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing she would have been able to make much more of a difference
than i will to other people.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
heard the news while i was at work.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her and call her my friend
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why couldn't it have been me instead
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became overwhelmed by anger and sadness
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
how the hell does a 16 year old die of a heart attack?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
by that point in my life my dedication to church had begun to
deteriorate, and this was on step closer to my closing myself off
to strong emotions.
--Religious Affiliation:
none/baptist
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the massive attendence, i never realized anyone had that many
friends.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
would party it up =)
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
stlightly more paranoid about heart attacks
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
Not religious anymore, but was raised in a strong baptist home
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
handled it quit well then
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
fun waste of time =)
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Wed Aug 25 08:10:38 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
radio station
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 3/4 ago.
Cause of Death: Long Qt syndrome; Aged: 9.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my best friends brother
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Tue Aug 24 13:51:47 1999
F19 in Mountain View, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 14.
--Details:
He got sick, and died of the cancer three weeks later. We had to
tell the vet to give him an injection because he was practically
paralyzed from the pain.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body stops living and the soul moves on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my best friend - my kittycat. Roscoe was only 14 when he
died, and I had been with him all 14 of those years. I was only 18
at the time, and was sobbing beside him as he took his last breath.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sorrow and pain of knowing he was gone, that he wouldn't purr
and crawl up on my shoulder again.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it comes so unexpectedly.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing. I will never be grateful for anything that had to do with
losing my kitty.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
stroking the strings of my harp.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I could never hold him again. It had been the one steady
thing in my life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know.
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to treasure his memory.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it set in that he was gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this does not apply to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hold him one last time before the injection. They took him as we
entered the vet hospital.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
survive the sorrow.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
it was so final.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
quotes and so-called wise words are just annoying even now.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I stare at his picture
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be the same. We had a bond that would stretch beyond
all boundaries.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that cats don't live as long as people.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
regret. The medical community sucks.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
cats deserve better
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing. Organized religion is just annoying.
--Religious Affiliation:
None. I believe there is something, but not any god with the kind
of rules Christians claim.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
superficial and ridiculous.
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't important
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we had none. He was my kitty.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the whole thing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
none. It is so sudden.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Nothing helps except time.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know. But I hope he will come to welcome me when I die.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
never.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no one
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would help so much to see him one last time.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Roscoe comes back to me a lot in my dreams. Once, shortly after
his death, he came back to say goodbye to me since we didn't get a
chance in reality. Another time, he came back to teach my new kitty
how best to be a kitty. Just last night, he came back to visit.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Playing my harp and remembering him
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
It was a poem that helped me. An anonymous one called The Rainbow
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If the vet hadn't been in such a hurry
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Tue Aug 24 12:59:28 1999
M24 in Merritt Island, Florida =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Biolgy major
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Unknown
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1yr 3months ago.
Cause of Death: Unknown (to me at least) possible heart attack; Aged: 22.
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--Death Is:
the end of life. When a human dies their bodeis cease functioning
and they slowly dissapear. Most humans beleive in something commonly
called a soul. This 'soul' is what is thought to make us unique
as individuals. This 'soul' is belived to be the sum total of all
our individual emotions and attitudes. Different cultures beleive
differently as to the exact nature of the 'soul' and what happens
to it when the body dies.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Nana (Grandmother)died whe I was about 3
or 4. I remember crying when my mom called to tell us, but don't
recall much after that, just immages from the funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock of it. She was barely in her twenties, recently graduated
from college and on her way to a promising career in education.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the strong belife that she whent to heaven. Although my personal
relationship with God is a bit unstable, she was a strong beliver.
As her friend I like to think that she is in heaven looking down
on me. As a scientist (Biology Major) I feel that I cann't rule
out the existance of heaven without proof.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling that it should have been me. That her life ment more
than mine. This is a self-esteem thing that I've been dealing with
for a long time.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past: Presbyterian Present: christian, I think??
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Remembering all my experiences with her, the times we spent in
rehersal, sitting in chuch when we were yunger, and generally any
memory that involved her
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Tue Aug 24 02:13:00 1999
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
i didnt i just typed in death tests and u came up
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: old age being put down; Aged: 89 ?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone goes to a better place up above called heaven.
they have lots of fun there and meet new people and live up ther
after they have gone from this world below. They all enjoy it up
there and get eternal rest. in other words sleep forever and never
wake up even for dinner.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Great great grandma died like an animal
they had 2 put her down cause she was 2 old and 2 hard 2 look after
and she had 2 wear nappies so they(i started crying) put her down
like a pet.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing all my family cry and chat sadly and put little flowers on
her big black coffin. It felt like id been touched by the Devil.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its ok 2 die they only go 2 a better place
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she is now happy in heaven
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
i also just dealt with it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Mon Aug 23 23:36:02 1999
F17 in Pearland, Texas =United States=
Name: Jennifer
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Senior in High School
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2.5 ago.
Cause of Death: multiple heart attacks (lung cancer); Aged: 56.
--Details:
My grandfather had been sick and my grandmother had been fighting
lung cancer for a while , but she swore up and down she would stay
alive long enought o make sure that he was ok. About two weeks after
he was doing just fine and making progress and everything she was on
the phone with my mom when she had a heart attack. Not even knowing
that my mom was on the line the nurse at her home hung the phone
up on my mom to call an ambulance. My stepfather the jerk that he
is broke the news to me like this, " What is your brother's number,
you grandmother just died." So cold hearted. Anyway...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something many people fear though they often say that when you die
you got to a better place. Scientifically it means that your organs
no longer function and your body is useless. Your body turns cold
due to lack of blood flow and that is death. Whether it is serene
or not depends on how you die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
knew what was happening and i was very sad. Like i said though i
barely knew my Great-grandmother her last words to me have had a
great impact on my life and i cried all the way home from North
Dakota to Texas
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother, who I hardly ever saw
died when i was about 8 or 9 and the last words she said to me
were,"I will see you when you get to heaven." I dont' know why,
but this had a big impact on me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
For a while my grandmother's ghost stayed here and at times i could
even smell her perfume.Sometimes she will visit and I can smell
her perume and feel her near. Plus the way my stepfather told me
and the way my mother took the news.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i don't think any death is peacefuk even if you want to die. Even
if you die in your sleep how can people say that someone has died
a peaceful death?It's always traic. But it is a fact of life and
we are all dieing from the second we are born. We are all dieing
right now. Think about it!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
For the time I had to spend with my loves ones. I have had two
grandmothers die int he past 3 years and one i got to say goodbye
to, but i never got to say goodbye to my other grandmother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i like to write peotry and listen to music out in nature and cry.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I never got to say goodbye and that my mom had to listen to
my granmother dying. Why did my mom have ot be put throught hat
torture?? What was the point of making her listen to my granmother
unable to breath and then all of a sudden have the phone hung up
on her??? I just want to know why???
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Hold their hand and let them know that you love them and they will
always be in your heart forever.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am very thankful for the time I had with her and that dealing with
it takes a lot of time, but it gets easier.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nothing about the death process confuses me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing helps though often my laughing lead to crying. But i think
that is good. Plus looking back and moments shared that were funny
makes one laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just say goodbye and i love you.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know her and love her and have her in my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my great-grandmother died: her last words.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I can't think of anything.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am answerind personel questions such as these. I have already
cried just answering these questions. Or when i am looking at old
pictures or the quilt my granmother made for me. Or the last words of
my great-grandmother. Even when I think about the death of my dog .
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think about it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to die so young. that my mother had to listen to
her. that i didn't get to say goodbye.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have one more day with all of them, that i could talkto them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went through Kubler Ross' five stages of grief. It's only natural.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
contempt.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My family that died was very religous, I am not. Well to a degree
I am. To me church is brainwashing. To them it was a sancutuary.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am not an atheist, but I am not religious. God is a question that
will forever remain in my mind that i will never find an answer to
and if he exists why do the things that happen, happen?? i don't
understand. My religion changes all the time from being atheist,
to jsut believing in god, to believing in many divinations, to
being interested in Wicca.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I agree. But i also believe in reincarnation.
--Regarding MONEY:
Funeral's and burials and coffins and a slot in a cemetary and urns;
prices are outrageous.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My (loved one) is dead whatelse would i be thinking. I am thinking
about moments with them. the way they were. And that the singer
who sang "amazing grace" was horrible.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i felt like I was outside of my body watching the funeral like i
wasnt' really there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there was no sign.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i am not sure
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandmother has indeed visited us.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issues just wanted ot say goodbye.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i odnt' know.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i have never talked to my grandmother. My aunts father has he said
that she told him to watch over my grandfather. She told my mom
not to worry about her. She haunted my aunts house by ringing her
bell at night (she used to live with them when hse died). And the
sent of her perfume will fill my nostrils sometimes.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i want to be cremated my mom doesnt' want me to be so I have
to rember to write that in my will. My grandmother's were both
cremeated as well.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't fear death.It happens. I don't know how else to explain
how i feel.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking to her at night though not directly i would tell her that
i loved her and that i missed her.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Well st. Valentine's Day will forever be changed for me ( my
grandma died on the 13 of feb). I think i will always rember her
on Valentine's Day. And once in a while I still talk to my dead
loved ones at night.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No they were all family related. though at my nana's funeral i saw
my cousin for the firs time in several years and i loved spending
time with him even though it was inder infortunate incidents.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just hold me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it brought back a lot of old memories and fellings, but none that
don't occur on their own once in a while.
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Mon Aug 23 20:29:27 1999
F38 in San Diego, California =US=
Name: Elizabeth Ziemba
Email: <eziemba-at-mssd.org>
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: IS Director for a non-profit
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death & Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 22 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Car accident; Aged: 17.
--Details:
Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of everything we have known. What lies beyond, if anything,
is pretty scary, too--mostly because it's such undiscovered
territory.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Clueless.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died of cancer when I was six. All I knew was that
she was very sick. One day my dad came to get my sister and I
at school--I don't remember him telling us she had died, but I
do remember that by the time we got home and were climbing the
stairs to our apartment, we knew. The next bunch of days were
a horror to me--all the adults in my life crying (I'd never seen
that before) and a wake with an open coffin that lasted three days
(I still can't stand the smell of carnations). On the day that the
memorial service was held, at the end, my parents and grandfather
were gathered around the casket and my mom asked if my sister and I
wanted to kiss her goodbye. My sister did, but I. Just. Could. Not.
For about five or six years after, my mom would just burst into
tears whenever anyone mentioned my grandmother. I somehow got the
idea that if I could only distract her and make her laugh or think
about something else, everything would be ok--maybe even go back to
the way it was before. So I tried really hard to do that. I think
everyone thought I was a little freak. And then I grew out of it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How incredibly fragile and indestructable and probability-laden
and against all odds it all is.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It sucks.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It made me so very incredibly aware of who and what I am/have
been/will be/want to be.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Acknowledging that something so very intense and imprinted and
immediate (the taste and touch and smell) was... just gone.
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Got on with it. Not very glamorous or poetic, but we all (mostly)
just go on to live our *own* lives. Kinda lonely when you think
about it, but it's what we do.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I tried to reconcile the "news".
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Whatever bubbles to the surface is valid and valuable. Go with
it. Screw what other people think.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
No regrets--I said my "I love you's" and such. I just didn't know
they were the last one's. By the way, letting people know how much
I care for them/how I feel whenever I end a conversation is a habit
I carry with me to this day. It's important.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Survive--and remember.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
People who ordinarily wouldn't associate together, much less
demonstrate closeness, hugged and wept and got drunk together.
Sad but true: Death breaks down barriers.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
It's all important--depending on who you are.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
The sudden, ripping-out, absolute absence that follows in the wake
of it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
That way lies madness...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I've never thought about "fair". Just the suckiness of inevitability.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
It doesn't. Get so difficult, that is. Look, we all just pretty much
go on. And if we are lucky enough to appreciate what we have (that
being the ability to wake up and take one breath after another)we
go on. And on.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
kept going back to it, worrying it like a sore tooth, until it was
there, sort of in the background and then just there, always.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
A human institution--flawed, noble, inconsistent, heroic.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing--I found my own way.
--Religious Affiliation:
I knew you'd get around to this: Current--ferverent belief in
the human spirit and perhaps reincarnation (wishful thinking?)
Past--None, tho my family is fundamentalist christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The indominable, indestructable nature of who and what we are.
--Regarding MONEY:
Didn't touch me in that way.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How necessary it was to gather together, remember and find some
way of getting hold of it all.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
It was all weird.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Mileposts would be nice (and certainly they are there--I'm watching
my father, who is 78, wind down like a timepiece)but they are
a luxury.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Talk, talk, talk about it. There is no other "cure".
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Good gosh, I would love to believe this. Never got the chance to
ask, however--all of my experiences "took" my people before we
could converse.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
It's as resolved as it's ever going to get--I *know* he wanted me
to have a very full and interesting life and that's what I've done.
Of course, it's a work in progess (also what he would have expected).
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Don't go. Just stay.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Had a dream once--maybe not even a dream. My lover was just
there--beckoned me, showed me he was "ok". Then I woke up. Or maybe
not. "Normally" I really do know the difference, and this didn't
feel like a dream.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
A few word from my very favorite poem (you do the psychology):
"Do not go quietly into that good night Rage, rage against the
dying of the light." You fight. And then you go.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Nothing original--I brought flowers to the gravesite for about 15
years afterwards, thought about him, talked to him, everyday for
the same period of time. Then not so much.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Deal with it? I'm thinking you don't so much deal with it as find
a way to accomodate it. Sort of.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
The fucking finality of it.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Pretty darn good for a questionaire. OF COURSE it made me think--it's
about *death*
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Sun Aug 22 08:59:07 1999
F17 in , =UK=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 13 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 36.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried a lot and didn't understand what the deceased person would
feel.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my aunt commited suicide
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
confusion
--What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it happens and people need to talk about it. We need to not
gloss over it withideals of afterlife which may not happen
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I understand know that death is final, but that life for those
still alive carries on and can be enriched by the death because the
berieved person acknowledges that life has to be lived to the full.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
movies
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss of their presence
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Never let them feel worthless, make them feeli their life has
mattered and made others better for living.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
now understand that sometimes no matter how much you want to help
someone, at times you're not the right person to help and there's
nothing you can do to change that.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was sent away whilst the body was collected.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
save her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her when I did.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandparents looked after me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
suicide or hanging is mentioned
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd have a relative I could actually talk to and trust.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hug her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing I'm afraid.
--Religious Affiliation:
past =non, current = pagan
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
all encompassing, we change energy form
--Regarding MONEY:
she left me and a cousin all, I didn't think I desrved it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
falsness
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having a picture of her to talk ro.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
depression, talk of death, sudden peace of mind.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
talking about it helps so much.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
once the windows of the house she died in were opened, there was
a sense of calm and rightness.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
nobody because the issue was my grandmother and everybody else
(nearly) has forgiven her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
she often comes back to help me, holds my hand or is simply in the
room in times of trouble.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Whatever they wanted should be done.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel that I'll change energy form hopefully into something
pleasant.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
nobody would tell me what had actually happened
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
when I found out the truth, I wish there had been more talking
involved.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes, I found it strangely enlightening.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no, I think it was handled very well.
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Sat Aug 21 23:40:45 1999
M34 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Tony
Email: <tony.mccallum-at-bmo.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
I was searching goth sites ???
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Prof/Studies: Sales
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Awakening , Many Lives Many Masters , Emmanuels book
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
??
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Deat is a natural part of living. We live yet only to die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cyred
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being alone
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The memories
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My partner
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to say good bye
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Understood
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I foun out two after the death
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be there with her
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Realizing deathe is around the corner
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Leave this earth
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
I just belive
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was any funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Not being able to say good bye
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Know that it's coming be prepared
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
Death is around every corner , it's waiting for us and soon it will
have all of us !
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
I know death is near.....So i will live untill then
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Sat Aug 21 22:00:14 1999
F28 in Vancouver, Washington =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Step-parent, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 66.
--Details:
My step-father, who I thought of as my other dad, died at home after
being diagnosed with cancer 6 months before. It was very sudden,
yet very drawn out. I literally watched him go from a healthy man to
being very sick from radiation treatments to taking his last breath.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 5 years old. I did not understand death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died when I was five. She was
in a nursing home for a long time before she died. My dad would
take me to visit her every week. My dad tried to explain what it
meant when someone died, but I was too young and did not understand.
At the funeral I was very happy at first because all my relatives
where there. I liked having all my family around in one place but
then I realized that everyone was sad. I got very scared when
I looked up and my dad was crying. I did not understand what
was wrong.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
watching a healthy person wither away
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the end of suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
memories
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing in advance that someone was going to die. watching someone
suffer through pain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
letting them share their feelings & telling them that you love
them always.
--[My Step-parent's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
you can be strong for someone else. I was level headed to make
sure things got taken care of.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the suffering seemed to go on and on. The cancer was terminal
and we had hospice care. It was very hard to come home very day &
see the person you love slowly dying before your eyes.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
emotional overload.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him I loved him every moment I saw him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wish that person was here for an important event in my or my
family's life.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think if my step-father were still alive my whole family would
have done things differently than they have since he died. I think
his death caused some life changes in our family. If he were still
alive, I think our family would still be mostly like what it was
before he died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so king, giving, and loving has to suffer so much.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hostility. Even though his cancer was terminal, his doctor did not
follow procedures & speeded up his death & made him suffer more.
The doctor was not repremanded.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Our hospice worker became part of our family during the experience.
We are forever gratful to them. I can not say enough for the people
who work for hospice care. The are lifesavers.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like it is for people who can not accept death & need to believe
in Spirits to make themselves feel better about death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people were so sorry when he died but so many of those
people knew he was dying & did not come to see him before he died
or waited until he was very far along and did not know who they
were anyway
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being upset with all the people who had an opportunity to come
see him before he died & did not, then tried to be so consoling
afterwards.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he had visitors from his childhood several times. He was always
so happy after he had "seen" them & then was very confused when he
woke up and they were not here. It was very strange.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
To have more than one person in your family know of your last wishes
and to have it in writing along with your will
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I was dying I would make sure that everyone I was close
to knew exactly how I feel about them & would make sure all of my
affairs were in order.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I did this to help you not me. I was not sure what you were getting
at on some questions.
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Sat Aug 21 07:52:41 1999
M17 in Mokelumne Hill, CA =USA=
Name: Dean Blattner
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Just looking for online tests and stuff.
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Prof/Studies: High School Senior
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Coma; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
My friend got injured and I amediatly ran out on the field to see
if he was ok. And he wasn't he had to go into the Hospital and get
his head checked. and i was with him the whole time there. And
he went into a 24 hour coma, but during that period, he he died,
but revived. It was scary
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
Confidence in my self and realizing he's in a better place.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Fri Aug 20 12:27:54 1999
F39 in Ardmore, Oklahoma =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandDaughter, 30 ago.
Cause of Death: injuries; Aged: approx 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our soul leaves our body and joins with God
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My unlce was a paraplegic, hurt in the
Korean war.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I got very angry
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That the person that has died, has joined God and is in a better
place
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The day my mother died,it was Easter. She had been ill for quite
sometime. It rained all weekend. During the funeral the rain had
stopped, the sun shone, and you could here birds
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Having friends and family to comfort me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I felt, and still do, very lonely at times
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
"King's x" anything that may be said.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Carried on my mother's strength
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I lost both my mother and father within a 1 1/2 year period
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
We reminised abouth funny things that we had done together
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with my family learning of the family history.
Have more patience and understanding with loved ones. Say "I love
you," more often
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Compose myself during the loss of both of my parents within a 1
1/2 year period. Also, help my brothers understand and get over
the anger they had.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
No singing in the church
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the flowers
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of how much I miss both parents
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for me to lose both of my parents at such a young age.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to my parents
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
spent more time with others that had lost loved ones. I was trying
to help them understand what I had learned from death.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
They were outstanding support
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcopal
--Regarding MONEY:
money had no meaning
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It made me feel so grateful that so many people thought well enough
of both parents to come and mourn with the family
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
calmness
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The eyes, skin color
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
When aone, I often talk to my parents
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Fri Aug 20 00:15:14 1999
F19 in Shippensburg, PA =USA=
Name: Meg
Email: <mflurie-at-dynamicdesigner.com>
Web: http://www.dynamicdesigner.com
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Computer Science and Journalism: Small, self run web design
buisness.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: long illness; Aged: 52.
--Details:
He came home from the hospital and died that night. He was supposed
to turn 53 in 4 more days. We buried him on his birthday.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ceasing of breathing and functioning of the human heart and
all other organs.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered why all the grown-ups were crying. I was only 5 at
the time.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was a grandfather I was not really attached to. He had been
sick for some time and he finally died when I was 5
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much I was going to miss having him to talk with. I was VERY
close to my father.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It should be more a celebration that we at least knew the person,
more then being focased that the person is gone for good.
Otherwise we need to learn to be more unselfish with death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it happened in his sleep, and actually without pain. He had been
in extreme pain the last few years.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Just being able to cry for a while by myself, with no one else
around.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I felt no one around my age could understand how I felt. At the
age of 17, most of my friend's parents and even grandparent's were
still alive.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Learned it is OK to go through a little time of selfishness. Also
it is OK to sometimes "talk" with them in your head, and have feel
like they are talking back.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
No one would leave me alone. Why wasn't it OK for me to want to
be alone to morn my father's passing in my own way.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Actually been able to go into his room. I could sense he was going
to dye, but for some reason I just couldn't bear going in there
and facing him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know my dad.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The fact that as soon as the burial cermony was over I just stopped
crying.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see or smell something that he enjoyed
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I probably wouldn't be as scared I was to leave my mother all alone
when I go off to college.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he had to die so young, not to mention so close to his birthday.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
take some sleeping pills and forget the world exisits for a while.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started to relieze he was not coming back. I started also getting
scared I would forget what he looked like and small things like that.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Happiness. They honestly tried to do their best.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They treated my dad the best they could. It was a little akward
always finding different people in my house when I would come home
from school.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My dad was always very Christian, so the belief that he was in a
better place made it easier to deal with his death.
--Religious Affiliation:
Chistian: Methodist/Mennonite mix
--Regarding MONEY:
Most of it went to pay for the rediculous price of the viewing,
coffin, cault, plot, and all that.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
You could tell the sincere ones from the ones who were just there
because they felt they had to be.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
People would always convince me not to cry, and also that I had
to eat. Alot of people thought it was strange for someone not to
eat, but that is just how I was dealing with things.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Fading in and out of contiousness. Eyes would tend to roll back
in there heads kind of for a few seconds. They would get cold.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I needed to have my friends and a normal routine for the first 2
or 3 days, even though I couldn't stop crying, then I needed a day
by myself just to cry and think, then after we left the coffin in
the cemetary I quite crying about it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know, he died in his sleep.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I really didn't have any unresolved issues with him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'm not sure what we'ed talk about. You see, for me I still have
conversations with him kinda in my head. I can hear him clear as
water, and it seems like it must be him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I think I've seen my dad in my dreams sometimes. He just lets me
know he's happy and well. Usually though what he seems to do is
just talk to me. I don't see him, I just hear him.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm prepared. I believe in my God, and I know that I am safe
with him.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Even though my aunt and uncle were sleeping upstairs, the 3 of us
(my mum, sister, and I) headed out to the Wal-Mart at 3:00AM since
we couldn't sleep and we had to buy some outfits for the cermonies.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Inablity to fully understand death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just sitting with someone, letting say something if they wanted to,
or if they just wanted to stay silent, just letting them know you
are there for them.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It makes me remember some memories I seem to have forgotten.
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Thu Aug 19 16:53:22 1999
F55 Anonymous Guest
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
eMBRACED BY THE LIGHT
by Dannion Brinkley
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 34 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Massive Heart Attack; Aged: 49.
--Details:
It was Christmas Eve, my mother and I went to Church, my father was
watching my infant son, my brother and his wife lived upstairs in
my parents two-family home, my brother heard my father getting
sick in the bathroom and came running down, he tried CPR but
couldn't revive him. My father was a policeman and they called
the ambulance. When my Mom and I left Church we heard sirens all
over the neighborhood as we walked up the Block singing Hark the
Angels we noticed all the neighborhood men on our porch my brother
then told us my father died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A passage of the soul into a warm caring place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was too young to understand
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother's sister died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My brother's death in 1993 of a massive heart attack at age 53
affected me greatly because I had to tell my mother of his unexpected
passing and her grief escalated into her getting a mini stroke
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
To simplfy the burial process and treat it more as a celebration
of the persons life and trip to their final reward
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I had a good father and a good brother even if it was for a
short time and that being they were both men I can safely say they
are in Heaven, Valhalia or whatever the afterlife is called and
often times I pray for their help
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
In my father's case it was a poem which stated that anyone who died
on Christmas Even was immediately taken into the kingdom of Heaven
and in my brother's case it was a book called Embraced by the Light
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Never being able to talk to them again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Never let anger simmer, little things work out and always forgive
real or imagined slights.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Was able to tell my mother that she lost her oldest child and
stand by her during the days of his wake and burial. Accept that
my father was taken from us on Christmas Eve and still be able to
have special holidays for my children in later years.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
They embalmed my father so badly that his beautiful silver hair
was so greased down that it looked like patent leather
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When the preacher at my brother's service said "he was blessed with
his two wives" (both his current and ex but he didn't say that)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To tell my father how much he meant to me. To see my brother more
even though we both had busy lives
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be a part of their lives
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The funeral director coldly closed my brother's coffin while his
little 8 year old girl was in the funeral parlor
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
So and So had a floral print on
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
The Christmas lights are put up on the houses and when the leaves
turn colors
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be caring for two aging parents instead of one and my
brother would be there for sharing
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that they did not have a few more years
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
prayed for acceptance of their deaths
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Not applicable. They died too quick
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I do not go to a church but I do believe in an after life
--Religious Affiliation:
lapsed Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Good deeds are rewarded and we go to a warm beautiful place and
eventually we will see our loved ones once again
--Regarding MONEY:
My father, bless his heart was a gambling man and he borrowed on
his pension, so lo and behold my mother was not left in a good fix
and had go back to work -- but she did until she was 72 and she
was pretty healthy. My brother died when she was 73 and I guess
he thought he would outlive her so there was no provision for her
in his Will
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
See people while they are alive never mind all the bullshit when
they are gone
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I have never had the privilege of attending a dying friend or
loved one but if I live long enough I will have this experience
and welcome it
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My father and brother came to me in a dream shortly after my
brother's death urging me to come with them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I WAS TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF DEATH
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Thu Aug 19 07:10:32 1999
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
web Surfing
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetian Book Of The DEAD
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
John Powers
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 36 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: Fire; Aged: 22.
--Details:
Yes, STEWART was a lumber -camp cook.One his first day of work he
arrived.Someone had gone in and turned on the propane,but neglected
to light the pilot light ! When he opened the he was smoking a
cigareet.the explosion knoked him down.Hedied 3 day's later!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
inevitable, I'ts a process of birth ,and rebirth. on each
occasion , on earth you are supposed to self improve So that
all your actions and thoughts ,can be analyzed. If not you
come back,again&again! Ideally we beome Spiritiest on a HUMAN
EXPERIENCE---TO Live And Learn!!!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
WAS terrible unhappy and confused ,because i was only around age 8.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Aunt bled to death having a baby
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My sense of at losig not only+ a uncle but a friendj
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Open the Bible and read!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
THE people around me not believing,very highly in GOD!
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Wed Aug 18 16:15:56 1999
Anonymous Guest 26 in Richmond, VA =USA=
M26 in Richmond, VA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 9yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 69.
--Details:
She suffered for three years with a cancer that had invaded every
part of her body including her brain.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A release of spirit from a shell that we call a body to continue
on its journey and quest for knowledge
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried. It was the most painful experience. I didn't understand
thegreatness of it then.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was five. My brother was going to be two in
a few days. He became ill, on a Friday, vomiting, etc., Saturday,
he was on life support, Sunday he was brain dead. He had contracted
H-flu Menengistis
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My Mom and the way my grandmothers death affected her. She couldn't
eat or sleep.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Life in a body is temporary. There are more wonderful things to
look forward to after death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Most of the family realized just how important we all were to each
other, We have grown closer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my spirituality. Knowing they will be happier.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss. Missing them to talk to.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Honor all requests. Treat them as you normally would. Let them
know just how much you love them.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I understand the bonds of siblings, and I am so much more
appreciative of the time I do spend with the people I adore now.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't understand why it had to happen to him. Why not me,
or why not my cousins, etc.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It is a joy. It should be our first instinct to laugh. It is so
wonderful that this person has moved on to another life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with my brother and grandmother. Remind them that
I love them everyday, even if he did break my toys.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend what little time my brother had on this earth with him.
For my grandmother, lotion her tired legs, and comb her hair when
I was a little girl.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
How everyone honors last requests. Does their own little thing.
The neighbors bringing over dishes of food and groceries.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Keeping quiet when someone is one their deathbed.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I especially miss my brother on his birthday, it was so close
to Thanksgiving. I hate Thanksgiving.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I can't imagine that. He is so much better where he is.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That someone gets cut short so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Never gets that difficult...not to sound harsh.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. There is such an unreal feeling of loss ,and pain that
youhave that deep heart cry. Not the one where tears fall, but
the one where you feel that your heart could expode.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The nurse drove two hours to our house that took care of my brother
to give me Snuggles doll after my brothers deatrh. It was probably
the most humane thing anyone could have done.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
gow is different than then. Then it was going to church, being
baptised. Now is spirituality and adoring my maker, not for
principles but for whathe gives us each day.
--Religious Affiliation:
past-Baptist and Lutheran. Now Spirituality
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that it all makes sense. We are all only here for a short period
of time to see waht we can accomplish in these shells and learn,
to take with us to our next life.
--Regarding MONEY:
My uncle decided he would take it all. He was executor, he had
legal right. He strained us all, but we realized he was not worth
us, and he would pay for his later.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Why are you people here now....most of tehm never came to visit my
grandmother when she was alive.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Watching my grandmother die, and the tubes, and catheters, and trying
to make sense of how someone who is 69 years old is reduced to this.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't think I would know still.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Keep that person and your spirits up. Realize that this ,ust be
scary at first for them, and they will eventually come to terms
with it, offer as much support as you can.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My brother visited me as a child, played with my toys and
disapperaed. My grandmother visited all of us. Me, my mother,
my aunt. I know it was to let us know she was sorry that she left
my uncle as executor. She was uneasy, and not yet at rest.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
see above. I think i wrote it in the wrong space.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Wed Aug 18 13:18:26 1999
Anonymous Guest in Bedford, Tx =USA=
F50's in Bedford, Tx =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
various
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 30yrs ago.
Cause of Death: amyotonia congenita; Aged: 9 mos.
--Details:
no muscle strength she was fed through a tube in her stomach --got
pneumonia and died
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing or transition from one type of life to another. The next
life is without our bodies our spiritual being goes on without
the shell
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
grieved for at least one year not being able to talk about my
daughter without crying. after about a year intermittenly cried
when I talked about her...I still grieve around holidays and her
birthday ...I miss her sorely even though I went on to have 4 other
children whom I love dearly and unconditionly.
--That first time, how it happened was
My first child did when she was 9 months old and i was 21 years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How i wished it was a year later...somehow I realized the suffering
would be aleviated somewhat after that amount of time
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is not final
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the outpouring of sympathy and kindness I encountered from my
friends and family
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
hurt from my loss
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to the person, give feedback about her wishes
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned how to be compassionate with other people around me
concerning death and dying
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
right after the death -- concerning why my daughter was taken from
me...questioning the reason why
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
no I didnt laught
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I took care of her full x I have no regrets
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
love and take care of her enjoy her while I had her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
accepting she was gone and that I would never see her grow up or
enjoy any grandchildren she might have had or enjoy her as a person
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
saying inappropriate things like "shes better off where she is
...people just need to be there and say "i'm sorry" and give a
hug...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
her birthday comes up or I look at her pictures
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would probably have a good relationship with her like i do my
other children and maybe have another son in law and grandchildren
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was taken at such a young age
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
doesnt get that bad
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started grieving
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
medical care was ok
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
much support from members of my church
--Religious Affiliation:
church of Christ
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are born of God God is spirit we die spirits and go on living
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasnt an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
alot of compassion and love was expressed to us
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
physical relief...I took care of Beth Ann night and day...the night
she died I didnt move in my bed ... it was as if I died I slept
soundly and well...I was so exhausted
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
dont know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was a process and is a process everyone must go thru in accepting
the death and going on with life without regrets or misgivings
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none have happened
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
not
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Hopefully that I will be with her when i die
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
not
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't believe in messing with what God has in store for me I feel
that things will be taken care by Him in just and right order
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
that i would be glad there would be no more physical or emotional
pain
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
At first I went to the grave sight every day ...it gradually
diminished and now I live away from the town where she died...I
used to pray for God to relief my sorrow and to be with me
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still pray but not for relief from grieving...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
other children were born but they never take the place of Beth Ann
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
friends, family mostly a belief that she was better off
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
More hugging
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I relived my grief in losing Beth Ann and will probably cry when
I get by myself
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Tue Aug 17 15:09:21 1999
F16 in Miami, Florida =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3mo
