^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Current contributions. See Nov 98 contributions. See Oct 98 contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Dec 31 23:07:38 1998 F22 in , pa =usa= Name: Angela - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 year ago. Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 41. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: moving on to another form but your spirit remains with those you loved --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I asked WHY???? Why certain people die so young even if they are good people with a lot going for them, I can't understand it --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... a few girls I knew from high school were killed in a car accident --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: my father: lack of compassion from others in my family & friends --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: not sure - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Music ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Dec 31 11:21:50 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 6 months ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 43. --Details: We had been friends since we were 11 years old and I was with her until she died. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The passing of the human body and the passing of the soul into the spiritual world --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried --That first time, how it happened was A girl I knew was hit and killed by a car after leaving my house. She was a neighbor down the road --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I will not die that way. I would rather die quickly than to suffer and linger on for months. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: Death is sad for the people who are left behind but death brings a new life in a spiritual place. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: After she died, I had a dream and she was so beautiful and the aura around her was not of this world. I knew she was in a better place and that she had a peace about her that could only be found in death --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: I am still dealing with it. I have kept most things to myself because that is the way I am. But dreaming about her at the beginning and knowing she is no longer in pain is how I deal with it. I cry alot when I am by myself. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Knowing that physically I would never be able to see, touch or talk to her again. Also it was like a big chunk of my life just ended. I will never be able to experience lifes adventures with her again----We were extremely close, we grew up together and did everything together(marriage, kids, grandkids, divorce, jobs everything.) --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: To really talk to them about anything and everything. Don't hold anything back just because they are dying. We all kept hoping for a miricle drug to help her and we never gave up. I would of like to tell her not to be afraid of death because God will be there for her but she was afraid and she fought hard to stay alive but I wish I could of told her to be brave but I couldn't face the fact that she was really going to die. Until her last breath they were trying experimental drugs to keep her alive and she had a hope that she was going to live even though we knew she was going to die. I couldn't tell her she would die within a week. --[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: No comment --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I am not confused about Death --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I never had an urge to laugh. It was a very painful experience with alot of tension between me and her husband. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: I wish I could of talked to her about the fact she was going to die but I couldn't give up the hope that she wouldn't. We never kept things between us and I have no reqrets, I just miss her and would like to tell her I love her and not be afraid. I did tell her those things before , so she knew that but I still hurt and wonder if there was something I could of done/said but I think that is something we all think. I am a firm believer of making sure while the person is alive to do and say everything so I won't have regrets if they die. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Be with her until the end. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: The night she died, I woke up and was afraid, very afraid and I turned all the lights on and didn't know what I was afraid of, the next morning, I was told she had died in the night while she slept and the next night I had a dream and she was so beautiful and happy that I knew she was okay but that I was alone and we would never be together again. The thing that is more important is the fact we lived a lifetime in the 32 years we knew each other and we had no regrets about our friendship.. Not many people can say that they had the best friend in the world and nothing can replace or take away my memories. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: no comment --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I cry all the time just because I miss her, I am not sad she is gone, I think she is in a better place but I have lost something that cannot be replaced --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I don't know. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I don't view death as fair or not fair--Death is a part of life and when it is your time to go, it is your time to go. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Just talk to her one more time---I have dreams and I talk to her there but I know in time they too will pass. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I know she is in a better place and that at some point I will die to. It is the way, no one lives forever. I believe that there is a life after death so I do not fear death but I am sad because of death. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: I am not sure if I would fight as hard or would want the medical treatment. I am not afraid to die, I don't want to die any time soon, but if it is my time, then it is my time. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: I can't believe hospice would only check on her 3 times aweek and that family member, friends had to change her, force feed her, give her medications. That was hard being we have jobs, families and are not trained for medical situations. Her 23 year old daughter had to change her moms diaper, and when she went into a deep sleep her daughter just lost it. It was soooo hard for everyone. Hospice only stopped in 3 times during the week. That was all they had to. Val was totally invalid towards the end. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: It is my belief in God and a after life that helped me. I do not go to church as much as I pray alot. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I believe in a greater good after death. --Regarding MONEY: Fortunately, money was not an issue. --Regarding the FUNERAL: I will plan my own funeral. Her mom planned the funeral and her husband planned the burial. It was hard --The weirdest part of it all to me was: nothing --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : I don't know why she fought so hard, I would of gave up. I don't want to die like her. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Still having difficulty dealing with her loss. I have moved on and I live my life like I always have, I just have moments when I get very sad but life goes on., --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': Like I said when I did dream about her what I felt in the dream is so hard to explain, it was like something I have never felt before. She was like an angel and in a better place. I only had a few right after and then about 3 weeks ago I had my last one and she said that God had gave her one last time to talk to me because she had to go someplace else. We talked about nothing important and she said she loved me and she said bye. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I have family, friends, husband etc. but there is a void and in time the void will lessen. Time --If we were to visit one last conversation... I do have dreams and they do help but I also feel they may be keeping her from going to where she needs to go--Her life here is over and she has a new life somewhere else. I will see her it is my time to die. She needs to go on and I need to go on --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: Only in my dreams that I have mentioned above.---A long time ago my husbands best friend was murdered and I had a dream that night about how he was murdered. Everyone laughed but when the autopsy came back what I had dreamed is how he was murdered. I even saw the person that did the murder but I never said anything and it was a very long time ago. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I think this is an individual thing and if you are dying it is up to you on the decisions that are made. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am not afraid to die, if I died tomorrow I will not have any regrets but I do feel for the people that are left behind but my spirit will always be there in there hearts. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Pray, cry and have good dreams --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I wonder what in life is important --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? No, - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I do better alone. I have talked to other people but I am my best friend and I will be alright. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It revived my pain but that is okay, grieving is part of the process ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Dec 30 11:10:42 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 1 year ago. Cause of Death: a motor accident; Aged: 21. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when the brain functions cease to continue. the body no longer functions, therefore, you are dead. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was three. all i remember is driving from the funeral and my mommy was crying, and i didn't know waht was going on, i just knew great-grandpa went away. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...i found out that my best friend (and first love)from highschool had died on new years eve, two months after it happened.. i had been on vacation. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: a odd feeling of loss and confusion. it seems superficial, but it meant that i couldn't call this person ever again. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: that it is final. i don't beleive that there is this wonderful place the "soul" goes... religion is a scapegoat for many natural human fears. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: a friendship with a person whom i had no longer gotten along with, due to the fact that the person who died was the best friend of this person when we were in highschool, and i dumped the first person to date the other person who died, was re-newed. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: journaling... and finding the article that finalised the fact that he was infact, dead. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: memories. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: talk with him more the year before he died. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: talk to my old friend again (the other guy i had dated) --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I came to accept it. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything i dumped the guy i had been dating because he laughed at my reaction to the death of a friend that i hadn't spoken to for at least a year What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial i wasn't sure if it had just been a rumor, or if it had actually happened. i felt odd trying to call his parents, so i didn't actually know until i was able to find a newspaper article. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Dec 28 17:02:59 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] I am a psychology student myself, therefore my interest. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Coping with Grief Recommended Reading-- Writers: Mal McKissock - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 2.5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: stroke caused by motor accident; Aged: approx 60. --Details: The person to whom I refer is my best friends father-in-law. My godchildren's grandfather. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the ending of life. It is when our bodies, due to some reason can no longer sustain life so they die. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was away from home, and I missed the funeral which I wish I could have attended. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...an elderly neighbour died. However she had a brain tumour so I was prepared for her death, my Dad had explained to me what the tumour was and what that would mean etc. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The funeral. The reason I remember this particularly is that prior to the service commencing the pastor took the immediate family aside and spoke to them. I later found out that the body had to have an autospy before it could be buried although it had already been released to the family. The funeral continued however so as not to upset members of family that had travelled a distance to attend. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: that all feelings are acceptable. That people deal with death in different ways and that whatever coping mechanism a person chooses to use is okay. Feelings is what makes us human and they should be accepted irrespective of what other people may think. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say things that you normally don't take the time to say. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Other: Being prepared for it helped a lot - it didn't come out of the blue. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 27 18:22:27 1998 F23 in Chandler, AZ =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: student/photography - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 ago. Cause of Death: age/alzheimer's; Aged: 70. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The end of his/her physical life on earth. Life goes on, depending on indiviuals and their beiliefs that life will continue on in a different way. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very quiet and listened to the adults --That first time, how it happened was A friend in my class, brother had died. He was killed in an auto accident that a neighbor was involved with. The little boy was around the age of 5. My father was a volunteer fireman/resque squad personal. The little boy's father was also a volunteer --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the sadness, not knowing what exactly happens to the individual. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: It seems as though individuals involoved are self centered. They worry about what will happen in their lives, not the fact that the person dying might be much happier/safier in the new world --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the fact that I actually new that individual and remeber the good times we shared --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my husband, just crying and letting out --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the fact that my life here must go on, with or without the life of the individual - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 27 01:52:33 1998 F25 in Belmont, CA =US= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] Yahoo psych. page - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: grad. student- Psych. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, ?5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: >90. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When we cease to be. Our body stops functioning. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Felt very vulnerable myself. Sense of loss of that other person. Scared. --That first time, how it happened was My (step) grandfather died of cancer. I knew for about a year before he died that he was dying. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The person, and how she used to be. That she lived a long life. --What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: We need to admit that it WILL happen to us. I think the whole country is in denial. I find it interesting how much people cling to religion and the whole concept of the soul as a way to escape a permanent cessasation of being. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: nothing. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: family. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Seeing the body!!!! Followed closely by watchign the casket be lowered. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Getting a chance to tell them how much you love them. --[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: am determined to do as much as I can to avoid getting cancer. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Don't remember being confused. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: It's a prefectly normal reaction, howwever, I'm not sure if I ever experienced that. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: see them before they died. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... The dead relatives would stil be alive. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that some people die young and healthy through accidents. Or that they should have to suffer. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could X --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Thank goodness I live in this age. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Made me associate hospitals with death. ALthgough I've mostly gotten over this. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Russian Orthodox (it's Christian). Nothing to me. Although the funeral service is a good cathartic way to gather people together and have a constructive release for their sadness and a way to say goodbye. --Religious Affiliation: Raised Russian Orthodox. Now atheist. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Like wishful thinking!! The hardest part for me is to give up this fanciful notion of life after death and believe that once it's all over, it's all over...becuase I don't *want* to believe it and I think MOST people have this problem. --Regarding MONEY: I was young, the rest of the family took care of it. --Regarding the FUNERAL: People there "professionally"?????? It brings people together. It's nice to see people there paying their respects. To see how loved the person was. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: accepting it. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : hard to breathe. the mind goes. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: ? --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': None of them mentioned anything like this. However, i would not be surprised if they experienced this, it seems like a good (in my belief) dream/hallucination that would soothe them. I noticed that they would often confuse me w/ people from their past so that seems to play a part too. --RE: Near Death Experiences: Don't know anyone who's had this. --If we were to visit one last conversation... When I was young, right after he died, i was told my grandfather's spirit was still around, so I think I talked to him. I"m not sure if it helped. Now I don't really believe such a thing. I might even be a little scared to try it though. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I was told that spirits hang around for a few days when they die and I wondered if my grandfather was around. I think I tried talking to him. That's about as close to it as I got. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: If you're older, have a will and one of those orders saying at what point you want yourself considered dead. I definitely think that Euthenasia should be legal!!!!!! --Any thoughts about your own death?: Of course I've thought of it. I think I *Would* like to know I was dying that way I could work thru my issues. I could wrap up my life. I could say goodbye to friends & family and do a few things I've always wanted to do. I also just REALLY REALLY hope it won't be painful!!!!!! --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: blocking it out of my mind. (probably not healthy, or the best idea though). Time is the best healer. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Denial, avoidance work wonderfully. :) --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? nope - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying Complete avoidance of the subject. Ignoring that it'll happen to me. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: nope, pretty wrapped up in myself. I don't know that I would've appreciate anyone...esp. a non-family member 'butting in'...it's a very private personal thing for me. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It made me realize once again taht it's foolish for me to ignore the issue (and yet I'm going to continue to)--it's not that I don't think I can die and that I live recklessly, I know I could at any moment, I just prefer not to think kof that at all. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? maybe asking how many family members/friends the person has lost, I bet people who've lost a lot of people view death differently than others. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 27 01:25:49 1998 F28 in , =australia= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] link from yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: On death and Dying - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 17 ago. Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 62. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the ending of the earthly experience and the moving on to another plane of existence beyond the physical consciousness of this life --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I wanted to go to the funeral so i could say goodbye to him, but none of my family would allow it. i could not grieve un til i was able to say goodbye, so i carried that grief for more than 17 years. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandfather died of a heart attack when I was 10. my family refused to let me go to the funeral to say goodbye, and i then buried my grief for 17 years until my partners grandfather died. i was finally able to grieve for my own grandad, and to finally say goodbye to him. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: i was not allowed to see him to say goodbye --What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is not something sad. often the person who has died has been released from a time of suffering and pain, and we should be glad that they are no longer suffering. even those seemingly senseless deaths happen for a reason - either for life lessons for those left behind, or simply because the person dying chose that particular time and means of leaving their earthly experience. i believe we need to be more philosophical about the whole issue of death. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: when my partner's grandfather, pop, died, it woke something in my then boyfriend, and he turned to me, dropped down on one knee, said, 'i don't want to lose you' and proposed to me. we will be married early in '99 --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my strong belief in reincarnation and that death is not the end of life, merely a transition --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not having them directly in my life anymore --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: sometimes they feel they need 'permission' to die - they are just waiting, holding on for a family member to tell them that it is ok it let go. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: managed to finally let go of the grief i was holding onto --The most confusing point of death for me was when: noone would let me say goodbye. i was so young, and i didn't realise i did not need to see him in order to say goodbye. i just needed to picture him in my head and to tell him i loved him and to say goodbye. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: i was glad that he would never have to suffer any pain or sorrow, and that he would never go bankrupt or want for anything... --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye to his face --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt sad that they would not be able to experience all the riches life had to offer, but i was also glad that they never had to experience things like war, famine, natural disasters or the loss of loved ones ever again. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing at all. they had no connvincing arguments to help any of our family come to terms with his death. --Religious Affiliation: past - anglican, charismatic, baptist and others currently - none. i have developed my own belief system which includes some traditional religious stuff and other stuff such as reincarnation which was originally a christian belief, but was dropped from the canonisation of the bible as it undermined the suthority of those in high places in the 'church'. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: pretty damn correct if you ask me --Regarding the FUNERAL: i wasn't allowed to go --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': his death was so sudden i don't think this was pertinent for him --Any thoughts about your own death?: i would not change anything in my life. i live every day for today, and i have no unresolved matters with anyone. i feel at peace knowing that if i died tomorrow, nothing would remain unsaid/undone. i feel sad knowing i would leave my partner and close family behind, but that is about it. i am very curious about what lies on the other side of death, but it doesn't worry me in the slightest. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Dec 26 10:34:40 1998 Anonymous Guest F47 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] i looked up on death and dying on the web. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Death and the Afterlife Recommended Reading-- Writers: Dr. Billy Graham - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 yrs ago. Cause of Death: Prostate Cancer; Aged: 73. --Details: My Dad went into the hospital first week in August 1994. He went into a coma immediately. I never got the chance to talk to my Dad before he died. I would talk to him anyway, thinking maybe he might hear me. I would pray for him and let him know it's O.K. to let go if he chose to do so. He died October 14, 1995. Unfortunately no one was there when he died, it happened overnite. We were called the next day with the news. Knowing he was in such pain and in a coma for so long, and we were informed by the Dr.s's that his body was deteriorating. I felt my Dad's death was a blessing. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A transition from this life as we know it to another form, a spiritual form. I do believe the Soul lives forever. I also believe that how we live our lives here will determine the afterlife experience. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 12 years old. My grandfather died. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My grandfather died in 1959. He would be transferred from one relative to another until finally he was placed in a rest home, where he eventyally died. Sometimes I wonder if he died if losing his independence and loneliness. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Not being able to talk to my Dad and he talk back to me. Now really knowing if he heard me. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: It's not an option. We will all die! I don't think Death is to be feared, I believe it is a natural process of life. I sometimes don't like the pain some people suffer getting there. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: That suffering in the flesh has an end. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Having people around with a sense of humor. Not having people around feeling sorry for me and making matters worse. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The though of not seeing them anymore on this planet. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Let them know it's O.K. to let go. Let them know you love them and will always. Let them know you look forward to seeing them again someday. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Grief is a part of life that we all will eventually have to deal with. Let grief have its way. People deal with grief in different ways and some take longer to heal than others. I do not that you have to live with it, and you can. You can also help others going thru grief by being there for them. Listen to them when they want to talk about it. There is healing is talking about it. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: To talk to him and he talk back to me. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: Certain times of the year. Daddy died in October, when the Seasons change I think about him and feel lonely. Birthday's etc. Sometimes it may be an item of what he wore that comes to mind or something that he did. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Die. When you lost someone close, part of you die with them. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I I walked around in a daze for a long time, but continued functioning doing what I had to do. When it really hits you, you grieve, which is good for us. Let it happen!! --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Greatfulness. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: I am a Christian. My faith in God helps a lot, more than anything I think. --Religious Affiliation: Baptist, but I don's dwell on it. I prefer Non-denominational. My thoughts toward the above changed after losing my loved one. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I agree with the above statement. --Regarding the FUNERAL: I don't see the need for an open casket. Some say it's closure, but sometines I think it makes familes feel even more lonely. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: The strenth I had to carry on no matter what. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I sometimes feel that my loved one is still here. I've not seen anything and don't want to. I suppose this is a humorous statement. But once you are gone, even though I will miss them, I don't want to see them again, not here. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Find a good book on death and dying!! Talk about it to someone you feel close to. What ever you do talk about it. There is healing in talking about it. And let grief do its work. Time helps, but you actually have to live with it. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Yes my whole perception of things changed. The job I had wasn't as important anymore. don't mosunderstand me, I knew I had to work, but the kind of work. I had a desire to do something more beneficial to mankind. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time Knowing that we all will die someday is acceptable. I believe the soul lives forever somewhere. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen At that time it was disbelief. I am an adult now I know better. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Dec 25 22:51:17 1998 F21 in cape town, western cape =south africa= Name: roshie Email: <madchen-at-iafrica.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] having a hard time getting over a death. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 3 weeks ago. Cause of Death: multiple sclerosis; Aged: 27. --Details: she was always in a lot of pain. there were many complications associated with her MS. loss of her ability to walk properly. her vision was affected. constant headaches. heart failure. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: moving on to something better, i hope. its leaving the earth in search of new insight and learning on a new spiritual plain. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I handled it very well cause i was only 5 yrs old at the time. i recall how sad my mother was tho, and how much she cried when my grandfather died. --That first time, how it happened was my grandfather died when i was 5 years old, followed shortly by the death of my favourite uncle. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how much i miss my lover. she was my best friend, my confidante, my soulmate. i think its worth mentioning that we are both female. --What I think my (south africa) culture needs to better learn about death is: how to let people grieve without having to worry about other peoples opinions. but i will say that my family and her family, have been wonderful. my own mother put aside her feelings about our relationship being a lesbian one, and grieved with me and cried with me --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: at the moment, its been 3 weeks to the day that she died. somehow i dont feel any good has come of it, except her suffering has ended. and my mother and i are now much closer. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my mother, my brother and my lovers aunt. [nancys mother died 2 yrs ago. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: i miss her, i dont know what to do without her. i cry a lot. i thought crying would ease the pain, but somehow it doesnt. it just make me more aware of my loss. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: i wish i could have been there... --[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: i dont know if i have learned anything. but then i have learned that for all the reluctance to accept my life, my family has, they love me and they will always be there for me. i learned that my lover touched many many more lives than just mine. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i cried and cried and it never seems to help --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: i havent laughed. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: be with her and hold her when she died. she always said she wanted to die in my arms. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: have the love and support of my mother and brother. my mother still sheds tears when i speak of nancy --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: somehow i feel like i will never get over it. perhaps it is too soon to tell. perhaps i should not have got as close to her as i did. but i will always say, i will never regret a single second of knowing and loving her. she was and is the light in my life, my inspiration. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... right now, i want her back. i just want her to be alive, or i want to be dead too. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... it wasnt fair on me and those she loved, that she had to die. but it wasnt fair on her that she had to live with all the pain and her body giving in on her. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could as above, be dead with her, or have her alive again. it seems out of this world. somehow like she never even existed, except for the gaping hole in my heart, all the tears and anguish and the longing. and the never ending pain. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried and cried and cried till i was too tired to cry. then i thought i was ok. i stopped crying, only because i refused to believe she was really dead. then when the reality hit me, that i would never ever see her, or speak to her again, the tears came back in full force. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: she was a guinea pig. they tried all sorts of new drugs and treatments on her. often the side effects were worse than her symptoms --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: i dont believe in organised religion. i do believe in god tho. and spirituality. i pray regularly to either ask for help or to give thanks. nancy believed in organised religion tho, and regularly attended church. --Religious Affiliation: i was raised as a muslim. nancy was a christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: to me basically, i feel that death affects all of us. its inescapable. despite religious differences we hope that our loved ones have gone to a better plain of existance and of greater spirituality. most of all we believe and hope that they moved on to something better. --Regarding MONEY: money didnt play a part. except that she wanted to leave me all she owned and i said no from the very beginning. she was very well off. --Regarding the FUNERAL: over 900 people came to pay their respects. and this showed how well loved my nancy was and still is. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : her mother died 2 yrs ago as ive mentioned. she was beginning to see her mother in the last 8 months preceding her death. the visits became more frequent yet she refused to go until she had accomplished almost all of which she had set out to do. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: the steps are inescapable. grief shock anger denial and perhaps one day, i will accept her death. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': mmm as above. she was visited by her dead mother. --If we were to visit one last conversation... i want to know shes ok. i want to know shes going to be there when i die. i want to know that she loves me. i want her to know that i love her ! i want to know if i will be able to have a 2 way communication with her while im still on earth. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: i really wish it would happen to me. there are times when i will feel her close to me. i start feeling really really warm and after about a minute or so, the warm feeling goes away. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: i want my organs to be donated. that might not be what you meant, but that question made me realise that i better do something about it soon, before i forget. --Any thoughts about your own death?: im not afraid to die. i am afraid to die and not have her be there with me when my time comes. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? yes i have. the friendship started exactly a week before nancy died. its only deepened as each day passes - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness at that young age, nothing hindered my ability to get over those deaths. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: i love being there for people. when im busy helping someone, i feel her with me, encouraging me. giving me the strength to be there for other people who need me. she always said i shouldnt ever kill myself cause the world still needs me. and that there are so many people who could benefit from what i have to offer. and that in suicide i would only hurt my spiritual self. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it made me realise a few things. for example. that i have my own life to live. and own tasks to accomplish. nancy lived her life and as hard as it is going to be, i have my life to live as well. i owe it to myself to keep on living. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Dec 24 20:34:15 1998 M27 in Reno, NV =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] yahoo category under psyche - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: EMT - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Parents, 14 yrs ago. Cause of Death: prolonged illness; Aged: 48/50. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: unknown, but there are many different beliefs about what happens when you die. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I thought a lot about what it meant to be "dead". --That first time, how it happened was An uncle, I was about 6. It was just kind of weird, not upsetting. It made me wonder a lot. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how sorry everyone felt for me, a little too concerned... --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: No one knows what happens to the person, so don't try to and say you're right and someone else is wrong about what really does happen. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I gained personal responsibility for myself --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Believing that death is just as natural as birth, and is even welcomed to an end for suffering in some cases. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Never knowing that person when I was an adult and could relate to them on an adult level, find out who they really are not how I perceived them as a child --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I had some strange dreams that were very realistic, but not scary or beautiful, involving their afterlife. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Isn't that a mild form of Tourette's syndrome? --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Spend more time discussing personal issues --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: casual acquaintances came to their funerals --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I I had already accepted the fact they were going to die before it happened. I got to accept this with them before their death. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: They were extremely supportive,but society as a whole attempts to maintain life even under the most inhumane conditions. There is a time to let go, and that individual should be able to decide when they should die. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: For me...just the setting for all the ritual that goes along with it. --Religious Affiliation: current- not sure? past- raised christian (never accepted it) --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: a lot better than the traditional christian death and judgement --Regarding MONEY: don't remember --Regarding the FUNERAL: A lot bigger deal than necessary --The weirdest part of it all to me was: watching everyone elses reactions/emotions, analyzing the ritual, trying to figure out where we got all the "answers" about everything. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': wasn't there for it, but have heard similar stories. --RE: Near Death Experiences: have heard a lot of stories about them, don't know anyone though. I kind of get the impression the final stages are highly dependent on what your belief system is. But I'm perplexed about those who have no beliefs, who report similar experiences to others who do. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I had a dream that was unusually vivid after both of my parent had died. They were together just standing there, 'there' being a void almost, there was nothing around them just blackness. They began to shriek and kind of got blurry and faded away as I awoke. It was more strange than scary. I told my aunt about it and she told me about banshees. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I want to be cremated, but other people in my family equate this with "going to hell". I don't want to upset them, but I don't believe rotting in a box is any better. I really care less about what happens to my body post mortem. My wish to be cremated is purely for convenience but for them it's a crucial issue. Will I even know how it went either way? --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't want to die anytime soon, but I'm not really scared of it either. I think about it occasionally, but feel it's too far away to 'worry' about it. I do think about what comes next a lot though, thinking I'll get to know all the unanswerables here on earth. Like getting to read the conclusion to a big mystery novel. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? I met my dad's side of the family, of whom, i had only met 2 out of many. It was like a whole new family existed that I never knew about. He had invited my aunt who he hadn't talked to in years to come visit us the weekend before he died. I ended up living with her after he died. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I think filling it out will help most people more than actually reading any results gained from it. I'm really interested in peoples general beliefs about death, so I would like to see what comes out of this. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Dec 23 13:46:05 1998 M41 in Ypsilanti, MI =USA= Name: Randy Weiser Email: <Randy_Weiser-at-yahoo.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Clerical - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: "How to Survive the Loss of a Love", "The Pagan Book of Living and Dying" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 months ago. Cause of Death: Alzheimer's ; Aged: 93. --Details: She had been sick for some time, and had been in a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients. She rolled over on her side and sighed, then died, while my sister was there to sit with her. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: part of a cycle - we are born into this world, live, then die, and our bodies decompose to add nutrients to the Earth. Our souls are reborn again into new bodies, to learn again. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried, but wasn't really aware of the depth of how sorrow could feel - I was only 3. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandmother died of kidney disease when I was three. I remember being very sad, watching my dad and grandfather deal with it. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: actually being relieved that she was not suffering, but also saddened that I couldn't have been there to help in her transition. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that Death is a part of life, and that we need to be more aware of just how people deal with grief! --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the gift of memories. I have lots of memories of my grandfather and grandmother, and will always treasure them! --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: that I knew that Death is part of the Cycle of Birth, Death and Rebirth, and that my grandmother is now better off, and rejoined my grandfather on the Other Side. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not being there for the family - I was living 2500 miles from home, and couldn't get back to help. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: hey, it's a part of dealing with Grief!!! When my ex-fiancee died, we were sitting around, cracking bad jokes, and laughing, and feeling guilty about it, but it did help! --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: be there for my family and help them through things. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: see her while she was alive and still lucid, and share some memories with her. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: the holidays roll around, or I hear some old song that she loved, or eat butter-pecan ice-cream...(my grandmothers' favorite food!) --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... If she were still lucid, not suffering from Alzheimer's, I'd finally be able to ask her about her family, and how her mother handled certain esoteric abilities! --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I was hoping that she'd be around forever!!! I was hoping she'd be able to be saluted by the President for making it to 100!!! I wanted to see her again!!! --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could talk to her again - I still think about her, though! --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried and cried and cried!!! --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: medicine can only do so much, and when it's time, they really should let people die with dignity, damn it!!! --Regarding HOSPICE etc: I had no contact, but my mother stated that the hospice people were fantastic, and that's comforting to me! --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: believing that her spirit is eternal, and that once I cross over to the Summerland, she'll be waiting to welcome me! --Religious Affiliation: Current - Wicca (Witchcraft) --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: eternal...universal...mysterious... --The weirdest part of it all to me was: afterwords, at Halloween, feeling her spirit saying goodbye to me! --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I had a visitation from both dead grandparents on Halloween night this year. I had been at a friends' house, celebrating our New Year, (called "Samhain"), and had gone upstairs to change. I heard my name called, and turned around. Both were standing there, looking as I remember them from my childhood. They were smiling, and told me not to grieve, and that they were both very proud of me, then bade me goodbye and faded out. I felt immediately at peace and still feel good about it! --Any thoughts about your own death?: I hope I go quietly, in the company of family and friends, and that they have a GREAT big party to celebrate my life, and not grieve!!! --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I had a good-bye ritual in a park, with friends, and read poetry that I think my grandmother would've liked. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System Crying is good...so is talking...and getting counselling when necessary. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities It never helped me to have no shoulder to cry on during the grieving process! - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was hard to answer some of the questions - I wasn't there for the most recent death. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Dec 22 11:55:57 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 ago. Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 79. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was afraid, I woulndt sleep in my bedroom without someone there with me. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...Me and my step sister were staying at her Grandma,s house for the weekend, she had a heart attack and died while we were there. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: People were willing to hear me talk, so get things off my chest, to let me cry it out. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Friends and families support. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: That they were'nt there anymore. i could'nt call them or go and see them anymore. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Spend more time with that person-my step grandma. Get to really know her as a person. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: when i hear a certian song, or people tell a certain story about that person. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic --Regarding MONEY: Sisters and brothers were fighting on sho was paying for this ir that. Also thye were fighting about who was going to get this or that- there was no will. --Regarding the FUNERAL: That there really was a crowd of compassionate and warm people there. People that really did care and was there to help in any way they could. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I would "talk" to my grandma every night before I went to bed, it helped me not be so scared to go to sleep by my self. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities Talking it out with people helped. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Dec 22 00:44:42 1998 F39 in Calgary, Alberta =Canada= Name: Angie Email: <angela.parkes-at-shaw.wave.ca> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] http://www.athabascau.ca/html/courses/cmns321/source/usource.htm#Unit - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Self-employed - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, .5 ago. Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 75. --Details: It was moving day for her new home. My mother stayed with me to avoid the hustle and bustle of moving. The day started out normally, but 90 minutes after she woke up, she was dead. Thank goodness it was with me, it was fast, and it was in a home setting rather than the hospital. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was astonished at my reaction. It was just another crisis, another fire to put out, another time to reassure everyone that everything was okay. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my mother died as I was holding her. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: having to carry on in spite of others. My sisters didn't realize that my mother died, too. Everyone seemed to want me to grieve their way. As a result, I'm not sure that I;ve grieved at all. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I was with my mother as she died. We were together at the beginninf of my life, and at the end of hers. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: no one did anything to support me in any way that I needed. I supported them. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Let the person know that they are not alone. Try to let them know it's okay to go and that they're loved. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I didn't laugh out loud but I nearly did. My sister came in to see our mother's body 90 minute after she had died. My sister had completely fallen apart, was distraught, wracked with grief and sobs. She looked at the way I had arranged Mum's body on the bed and said, "She looks good...a bit pale." It struck me then, still does, as hilarious. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: take my mother to Elbow Falls one last time; go shopping. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Well it didn't matter to me: some sort of ceremony marking Mum's death. Mum donated her body to the medical school and requested no funeral. She didn't care, and neither do I, what happened to her mortal remains. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think that my mother will never see my 40th birthday (in 3 months); my boys (ages 6 and 3) grow up. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that I should be the strong one. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could escape, be by myself, have everyone deal with their own problems for a change. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Thanks for what they were able to do, and relief that my mother's last days were apart from the medical community. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: we have none --Religious Affiliation: Jewish --Regarding MONEY: I was now in charge of keeping one of my sisters from bankruptcy. --Regarding the FUNERAL: How it was something I did for everyone else. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : My mother spoke at length the night before she died about how content she was; she had given away many of her things; made plans about what she wanted donated where; she left everything in order. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: I needed to be by myself, and I was not able to do that. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I feel that Mum sees everything now with pefect clarity and compassion. I tried my best, even if I failed many times. I loved her as best I knew how. I think that she sees the "big picture" better than anyone on "this side" ever could. I just want to honour her memory by being the kind of woman she admired. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: My husband has visitations from my mother when he's in prayer or meditation. She is the same practical, pragmatic woman in death that she was in life. I would give a lot if she would come to me. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: My mother was very clear about what she wanted and I honoured her request not to resuscitate her. I don't know what to think about myself. My mum was 75, sick, weak, dependent, and hadn't been able to talk for 18 months. I am 39 and was her youngest child. I, however, am reasonably healthy, married, and have two young children. I would want to fight every inch of the way so as not to abandon the people I love. But in my mother's place, I would probably make the same requests. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I would have wanted to go away from domestic and estate details, perhaps with my husband, to a place in the mountains (I live in Calgary, near the Rockies) for a couple of days to wander aimlessly. Of course, I have not been able to do that. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I think it's been helpful to review some of my feelings. I keep them locked up pretty tightly. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Dec 21 19:48:49 1998 F23 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: psych major, Tech Support - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul Recommended Reading-- Writers: Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 yrs ago. Cause of Death: a drunk driver; Aged: 21, 23, 25. --Details: A drunk driver killed 5 people including himself (surprise, surprise) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: part of the natural life cycle. Once a soul's time on earth is complete it leaves the shell and goes to join its ancestors in the afterlife --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I did not believe it had happened. --That first time, how it happened was My father died when I was 11. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the sadness at the loss of 4 young men, due to a unrepentant drunk driver (many convictions,) with great lives ahead of them --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is not the end --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it causes one to reassess their priorities --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: time alone to think and heal --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: lack of understanding from those around me. No one I knew had lost their father (including my mother and grandmother) --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: a stronger person --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was a great stress reliever --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: have said goodbye --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: view his body and hold his hand --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear an old song that reminds me of them --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... my boyfriend and my dad could hang out and talk sports, a father-in-law, son-in-law kind of thing --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... he/they were so young --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried and cried --Religious Affiliation: none --Regarding the FUNERAL: how many people were there --The weirdest part of it all to me was: how cold the body was --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I had a dream of my father, although I don't remember specifics, I felt much more peaceful when I woke up - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Dec 21 05:41:12 1998 F49 in MEMPHIS, TN =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 3 yrs ago. Cause of Death: CANCER; Aged: 53. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A SEPERATION, LOSS OF CONNECTION FROM OTHER --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I CEASED TO FEEL --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...FATHER DIED --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: THE DESPERATION AND PAIN PHYSICAL AGONY --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: TO FACE IT WITH DIGNITY AND A RITE OF PASSAGE FOR THE PERSON WHO IS DYING --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: THAT DEALING WITH A DYING SPOUSE TAUGHT ME THAT YOU CAN SURVIVE THE DEATH OR SEPERATION OF A LOVED ONE AND CONTINUE TO LIVE AND APPRECIATE LIFE IN A NEW WAY --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: MUSIC. tHIS COULD EXPRESS HOW I WAS FEELING. I COULD FEEL THE PAIN THROUGH THE MUSIC --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: THAT I FELT LIKE I WAS WALKING WOUNDED AND EVERYONE COULD SEE MY PAINT --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: TO TALK ABOUT DEATH WITH THE PERSON WHO IS DYING AND LEAD THEM IN TO THE LIGHT. LET THEM KNOW IT IS OKAY TO GO. --[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: DECIDED THAT HE DID NOT HAVE TO SUFFER AND DIE IN THE HOSPITAL. THAT THERE WERE CHOICES AVAILABLE THAT COULD MAKE HIS DEATH HAVE MEANING FOR HIS CHILDREN AND ME AND HIM. hOSPICE VISITS TO MY HOME. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: HE KEPT GASPING FOR AIR AND MAKING THE HORRIBLE SOUNDS. WE PRAYED FOR HIM TO DIE IT WAS SO HORRIFYING --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: NEVER FELT THIS --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: I HAVE NO REGRETS --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: BRING HIM HOME TO DIE IN HIS HOUSE --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I IT ALWAYS SEEMED REAL --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: CONTEMPT FOR DOCTORS WHO WILL NOT TELL YOU THE TRUTH UNTIL THE PATIENT HAS SUFFERED SO MUCH THAT DEATH SEEMS A BLESSING --Regarding HOSPICE etc: HELPFUL --Regarding the FUNERAL: THAT I WAS SO ANGRY - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 20 20:46:58 1998 F24 in Bakersfield, CA =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 10 yrs ago. Cause of Death: an automobile crash; Aged: 14. --Details: Actually, both of my best friends were killed in the car crash, as well as one friend's older brother, age 16. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: hard to accept because throughout our lives, we tend to avoid that inevitable fact that eventually comes to all of us. Death is something that, when it occurs, takes part of our livelihood and spirit along with the person we lost. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was really too young to understand it or the tears that everyone was losing. I guess at age 4 I thought they were just "gone"...like an eternal sleep. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... I was 4 years old and my 14 year old cousin shot herself in the neck and killed herself in front of my uncle, her father. I just remember saying goodbye to her at the funeral home after being prompted by my father to do so. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: feeling as though I was taking part in a horrible nightmare, and that hopefully the dreamer would just wake up. For months, I was just so numb and lost. And the people around me were merely faded images of their former selves. It was a small-town tragedy, so no one really knew what to do. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it can be prolonged but not infinitely avoided. People need to build up some kind of respect and acceptance because it WILL happen at some point in their lives and the lives of their family. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that I felt like I wasn't in the automobile to die with my friends for some other-worldly reason. I guess over the years I have told myself that I have a grand purpose in life. and that I'm going to make a difference, since I was spared in that tragedy. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my boyfriend, who was there to talk with over the phone and take me out on weekends. He became a very important part of my life at that time because he sort of "took the place" of what was lacking due to the absence of my best friends. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: thinking how it could have been prevented and what would life be like if they were still with me. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I tried to visualize how the accident killed them. I wanted to know the exact "cause" of death, whether it be the impact of the other vehicle, their heads smashing against the windows, skidding across the pavement, etc. And I wanted to know their last words and thoughts just before death. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I did laugh when I felt like it. Another surviving friends and I got together that summer and had a sleep-over. We were basically giddy with laughter, and I think it was due to the realization that life must and does go on. And we were so happy to have the chance to feel laughter after so many tears. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the funeral and flowers. All that is a circus show for... I'm not sure who. But those who were mourning didn't seem impressed my the $300 vases w/flowers, etc. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: someone asks me about my youth and I have to say something like, "Yeah, that was with my friends who died." And then I have to continue answering questions about the whole thing that takes me back to that state of mind. I still cry, at age 24. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I feel like my life would have been totally different. I know, for sure, that I wouldn't have married so young because my friends would have been there instead. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that I'm alive and they are not. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried almost non-stop for at least 2 weeks. And I felt really alone, like I had even lost myself, because at that age my friends were part of my identity. --Religious Affiliation: At the time I was being influenced by my family's religion, Southern Babtist. Now I have no religion or deity. --Regarding the FUNERAL: that it provoked so much anxiety, anguish, and sadness that it seems like a wasted effort. I guess I feel that an after death gathering should be a celebration of the life that the person was able to live, instead of a mourning of what they had to give up. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Dec 19 21:36:41 1998 M17 in , =usa= Email: <philso-at-softhome.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my brother's teacher - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Dec 19 17:49:56 1998 F15 in Willow Grove , PA =USA= Name: Maria Kulp Email: <pudgy14-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] yahoo:entertainment:surveys - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 3 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 2. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: cease of life --That first time, how it happened was My grandfather died of a heart attack --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how my friends supported me --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: losing a pet can hurt, too. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my new puppy --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my new dog --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: saying good bye as he was being put to sleep - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Music What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Dec 18 19:22:26 1998 F16 in forked river, nj =usa= Name: mel - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: student, guitar player - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Guns and Roses November rain, Rancid sidekick, Third Eye Blind jumper - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 1 ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 16. --Details: his parents hated him, he was kicked out of school and all he had were a handful of friends and a mac-10. he chose the gun - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the sudden loss of all consiouss thought and thinking, never to be regained again --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I turned inward, kept to myself and did nothing but play guitar and write, I even stopped talking for a while. --That first time, how it happened was Three of my best friends committed suicide --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Before he killed himself he said "Here, listen to this, you might learn something" and played The verve pipe's "The Freshman" on his stereo and went off to kill himself --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: To talk about it! To learn how to deal with the emotions involved. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: he said goodbye --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: music. I think I would have died if I didn't have music. I'd sit with my guitar for days on end and just play. sometimes it sounded like crap, but that didn't matter. I played. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Thinking about everything and keeping it to myself. Not knowing how or who to talk to about it. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Say goodbye and tell them how much you love them --[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: dealt with it. don't keep the pain inside. get it out somehow, draw, write, talk, play an instrument, whatever you have to do: do it --The most confusing point of death for me was when: When it first happened. I knew he had killed himself, but it wasn't till I heard it from the police at my door that it set in. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: when my mother ventured near me and told me my guitar playing sounded good --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: just to tell him I'd miss him and that I loved him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: make an excuse for having to miss the viewing. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: We exchanged goodbyes and he put the cd player next to the phone so loud I barely heard the gunshot --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: going to the funeral/viewing. everyone thinks its so respectful and important, it isn;t --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: the song he played for my on his CD player came on my radio nowadays --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... everything would be beautiful, our entire group of friends would be there. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... why today? why this time he threatened? why'd he have to die --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could lock out the world and sleep for days on end --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I couldn't cry. That was the strangest part.. in all of what happened, I couldn't cry. All I could do was eat, try to sleep, and play guitar --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: uncaring --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing. God died in my mind. --Religious Affiliation: I was agnostic, aethiest, christian, occult, satanism --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: hope that all spirits are finally at peace. --Regarding MONEY: money was never an issue to me --Regarding the FUNERAL: I didn't attend the funeral --The weirdest part of it all to me was: not crying --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': never had a vision or visit which would lessen or soften my pain --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I have no issues --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: no clue --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: sleeping and playing guitar --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I still play guitar religiously and write a lot - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Music Music helps What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything Your family and friends are all you have, don't just keep to yourself, no matter how bad you feel ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Dec 15 14:34:09 1998 F21 in Dawson Creek, B.C. =Canada= Name: Melanie Email: <bubbles-at-pris.bc.ca> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Teacher ] Prof/Studies: Social Work 319 Death and Dying - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Beyond the light Recommended Reading-- Writers: P.M.H Atwater - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, One year ago. Cause of Death: a motor vehicle accident; Aged: 24. --Details: Lorne was involed in a Head on collision with a semi, while traveling to school in Alberta.The events leading to the accident are still unclear.It is rumored that the truck driver was tired and feel asleep at the wheel. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: many things! It can cause hurt and pain as well as bring people together. It makes you realize how very precious peple are to you and to not take life for granted. It is a part of life that we must all face. It can be tragic or it can be beautiful and peacful.Death is many things, but it depends the circumstance and whos eyes you are looking through. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I did not understand what was going on. I was much too young to comprehend. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... My first experience wth death was when my Aunt dided of breast cancer.I was very young,I'm not sure how young, but I could not understand where she had went and why my family was so upset.It was, to the best of my knowledge, the first time I can remember my dad crying. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the shock and pain of losing someone that meant so much too all of his family, friends and myself.I also remember the closeness I felt to be reunited with old friends and remember the good times we spent with one another. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: how to find comfort in tragedy. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: How close it has brought me to special people in my life and made me realize how much they mean to me. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My family and friends. Being with them and reminissing was the greatest support of all. Being able to laugh and cry together and share our grief. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: letting go. Realizing I would never see that person again or be able to tell them the things I felt I should have while they were alive.Also delaing with the intial pain. That is always the hardest. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Let them know it's okay for them to move on. Tell them you love them and make amends. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: summed up the courage and strentgh to write about him for the eulogy even hours after his death. I could not travel home for the funeral and my family were leaving in the morning and needed it to be written before they left. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but it helped me grieve for him. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: at the moment I was told of the death. Everything became very confusing. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Laughter can be the best medicine. It helped me through these difficult times in my life. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: spend more time with them and let them know how much I loved them.Let them know how special they are to me and thank them for even the small things you sometimes forget to acknowledge. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be part of their lives. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: ??? not sure --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: ??? not sure --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: A song that brings back memories or a movie or someones stories that are closely realted, I feel that swell in my throat and eyes. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I'm not sure that it would other then the fact I would tell the people I have lost how much they mean to me and thank them for all the wonderful things they have shared and given me. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Why would god take someone so young and with so much to live for? Why would he leave a mother alone in the world after taking both her children in a sapn of two years?Why does it have to hurt so much? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could talk to them again. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I I became violently sick.I was crying and could not breath. It took a long time for my family to calm me down enough so I could understand what they were saying. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: There are wonderful people out there who truley care about the dying and their familys. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Never had any contact with hopice as I was out of provience. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Our loved ones were in a better place. It gave us hope and strength. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic/United. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: wonderful. It is great to know and beleive there is something better out there and that our loved ones will be there waiting for us. --Regarding MONEY: It was very hard on my family because they had to fly hole to newfoundland and incurred expenses they couldn't afford. --Regarding the FUNERAL: How much love was in the room. How everyone came together to support one another. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Knowing my Grandfather had died before anyone told me. I was sick in the bathroom before my mom came in to tell me. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : When they start to make amends and they begin to comfort loved ones, even though they are the ones dying. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Every death is different and has different grieving process. The biggest thing is to offer love and support and to just be there and listen. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I am unaware if this. --RE: Near Death Experiences: Someone close to me has had a near-death expereince and it is wonderful to hear them talk about it. It offers them a peace of mind and they are positive there is something better for them on the other side. It offers me comfort to beleive in this. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would just want to say " I love you and thank you for all you have given me." --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Whether or not to be buried or cremated. Where do you want to rest or be buried. Donations, if any, and to what charity. Preferences of music, flowers, etc. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would be glad (and scared) to know before i died. It would help my family and friends prepare and let them know its okay.I have thought about this before and have talked with my family about how I would like the final arrangements made if I did die.I think it is important to tlak to family memebers about the "what ifs" --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Writing of some sort. Poetry, euology or just a letter to the person who has died letting them know how much they meant to me. Also listening to music that reminds me of them and going through old photos --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? I had lost contact with some of my old friends and the death of our friend brought us back together again. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc. Sharing memories of that person with people you love What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness Not understnading what was going on. Being too young to comprehend --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: Sharing the memory of that person with others. Letting family and friends know the special things the person may have done that they might not know. Being supportive and just listening. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - This questionnaire was very difficult to write about. It made me think about the pain and loss I have felt and still do feel. I think it was helpful in that I had not thought about these feelings in a long time and it made me remember how important they are.It also helps you realize how far you have actually come along since the actually death. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 13 21:11:27 1998 M51 in terrace, british columbia =canada= Name: derrick curtis Email: <curtisd-at-osg,net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: professional forester - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1yrs ago. Cause of Death: falling of a mountain while hunting; Aged: 46. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a natural or unnatural event which terminates the life of an individual --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was eleven. Didn't attend the funeral but sensed that my father was very unhappy. --That first time, how it happened was The first death I remember was thar of my great grandfather. I was 11. I was not permitted to attend the funeral. My father was sad but expressed no emotion to his children. the first funeral I attended was when I was 26 My father guardian who had lived with us all my life died of old age. I had left home and had to fly back. i visited him in the hospice. It was very depressing.. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: tears of saddness for someone to lose their life through mischance --What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it's natural. religion places to great a role in the dying industry --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: nothing --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: don't know how I dealt with death --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the loss of a friend - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 13 14:04:25 1998 F16 in Farmington, CT =US= Email: <emgilbert-at-hotbot.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 3yrs ago. Cause of Death: a tree falling on their car; Aged: 5 and 40. --Details: The family's car was driving and a ree fell on the car, killing the father and youngest son, who I babysat. The mother is now paralyzed - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when a person's body shuts down and can no longer live and think --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I thought it was a natural occurace because my great grandmother was so old --That first time, how it happened was my great grandmother who I didn't know very well died and I went to the funeral --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: having disturbing memories hit me at anytime, bad dreams, unable to go to school --What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: to be more open about it so its not seen as such a horrible thing --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that i have come to appreciate my life so much more nad value the people around me --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my close friends and family --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: bad dreams and depression --[My Neighbor's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: cared for the people who died --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I first heard a tree had fallen on the car and it seemed too wierd like something like that would never happen --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: somethings are so ironic they appear humorous, not for because they are funny per say but they are just ironic --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: babysit and spend more time with the family --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: get to know one of the sisters better through her horsebackriding (I ride also) --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: something brings back a memory, or I see the daughter with the scar on her leg or mother who is in a wheelchair --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I wouldn't appreciate them as much as I do now and death would be that much more of a shock later on --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that this could happen to such a normal family --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could make it all go away --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I started having dreams about the people who died but they were still alive --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: that anyhting is possible in time and although medical advances may not be far enough yet to heal a paralyzed person, someday it will be --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: not much to me --Religious Affiliation: my parents are protestant but i don't follow an orgagnized religion --Regarding the FUNERAL: how many people it broght together from different groups of people --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': the wife of the man who died said she saw him come back in a deam and tell her everything would be okay and he'd see her again - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System I belive everything happens for a reason although it may not be apparent at first What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Dec 12 18:57:53 1998 F33 in San Francisco, CA =USA= Name: Demi Monde Email: <monde-at-sirius.com> Web: http://www.sirius.com/~monde - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] a link on a Gothic web site - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Web Designer - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I have Hepatitis C, an incurable liver disease. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Annabel Lee, a poem by Edgar Allen Poe - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 1/2 ago. Cause of Death: a motorcycle accident; Aged: 22. --Details: They say he went off an embankment and fell 70 feet onto the road below. I keep wondering if he had his eyes open while this happened. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: death is the point where energy and matter separate, and both energy and matter that once made us up disperse endlessly into the surrounding universe. our bodies decompose and are assimilated into microbes. our electrical selves, sometimes called "souls" or "spirits" dissipate in much the same way. Although there are many who believe that the electrical self stays alive after death, and stays the same as it was inside the body while it was alive but at a higher dimensional level...my personal belief is that the electrical self also dissipates. But I am not disturbed by this, for I see it as becoming one with the External Continuum, or Universe, or "God" that created us. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was rather nonplussed by it...it was my grandmother, and she was very old, and had been only half-alive for at least a year and a half, and the way it seemed to me it was just like she went to sleep. --That first time, how it happened was I had a pet snake, a baby boa, that died. I buried her in a plastic watch box which was sealed very tightly. About three months later I was planting flowers in the yard near the space where the box was buried and I dug it up. I looked inside. I had expected to find a skeleton but instead of a skeleton I found a partially liquified mass which in no way retained the shape of the snake. It terrified me greatly that the form of the body did not retain - my prior understanding of Death was that the flesh dried up and left a skeleton behind, which still would preserve the form of the body. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: i kept imagining what it would be like to fall 70 feet...the scene kept playing and replaying in my mind --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that the electrical self aka "soul" or "spirit" might not survive after death...it doesn't need to...believing that it does just seems to me to be a crutch to help people deal with the idea of dying, i.e. not existing anymore, by making believe that somehow we go on after dying. the thing is, even if we dissipate, we still DO go on, but in a much larger and less limited form. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: i know i have heard of cats who were suffering terribly, and when they were euthanised they no longer suffered --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: just being with my love, and being alive... --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: i have not yet experienced the death of someone very close. i know that when i lose my mother it will be very traumatic to me. for i know i have disappointed her greatly, and she is so kind and loving and sweet to me --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: bad news...never involved with it...oppression...evil...lots of excuses, excuses, excuses! --Religious Affiliation: i believe in the gods of Chaos and Order and their endless war/sex with each other which creates the universe --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: spirit is not eternal. it dissipates and dissolves at the point of death and endlessly divides, fractally, into the Void of Chaos. --Regarding the FUNERAL: funerals are terrible wastes of money, so standardised and ritualised. there are better, more private and personal ways to deal with grief. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough I talked to my mother about it and she was very helpful. misconceptions... - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - i know it would be very much more useful were i dealing with the death of someone very close; some day, i may return here. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? you did very well..... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Dec 12 15:37:35 1998 F15 in Wayne, N.J. =America= Email: <BlackRaven-at-studentcenter.org> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: . --Details: He was always concerned about what certain colors ment involving gangs. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was about 11,12 or13 --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My father died in the house. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Faceing the fact that the person who died is gone forever. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: I'm not scared to die. Like I want it to come. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ at Dec 12 14:15:35 1998 F57 in , == - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] on a yahoo list - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: the Bible, especially the psalms - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, yrs2 ago. Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 84. --Details: My father died at home in bed with my mother holding him as he went in and out of consiouness. They shared memories and he asked her to tell his children goodby. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried and was afraid of the body in the casket. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandfather died at home of lung cancer. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: a stabbing feeling. When I learned more details from my mother, I felt very proud of my father and that he had died a good death. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: That it is very natural and that, if possible people should die at home or in a hospice. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My father thinking of me as he was dying. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: family and friends --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: that I would never see him again --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Be with my father when he died. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Get to my mother in a few hours. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see my mother without my father. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Distrust. My father was not correctly diagnosed --Religious Affiliation: Judaism --Regarding MONEY: We joked about my dad wanting the cheapist thing possible. --Regarding the FUNERAL: There was no funeral. There was a memorial gathering a the beach. The thing that most stands out is that one woman was trying to sell raffle tickets. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: there were oly two stages: grieg and acceptance. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': He had none. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I feel very good about the state affairs with my father. Not wanting to leave anything unsaid, I said all that I needed to about 6 years before he died. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I occassionally dream of my father but he is just in ordinary life, not a messenger. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't think much about it. When it comes it comes. If I were going to die soon I don't know how I would feel. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: We scattered the ashes about 6 months after his death on a meadow at the foot of Mt. Shasta. Almost instintively people started putting pebbles on an old stump. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I light candles on the annivesary of his death and say Kaddish. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - You seem to personify death by capitalizing it. Also allot of the questionaire seemed too new agey. Questions not at all objective. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Dec 10 11:53:39 1998 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] just browsing around - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my dog died of liver complications. I had him for 13 years and he was my best friend. he died a very painful death. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs i just got "high ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Dec 8 21:55:05 1998 M24 in johnstown, pa =usa= Name: J.P. Email: <doomicus-at-webtv.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: furniture refinisher - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, yrs 8 ago. Cause of Death: fire; Aged: 14. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the expiration of the body. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I only remember the months following the death. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandfather died when i was very young. he was ill for a time and it did not come as a surprise to anyone. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: i never new this person. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: death is a celebration of life. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: in death there is life for a new generation. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my personal beliefs. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the pain of others. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: don't dwell on the past. find humor in eveything. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: live now. not waiting until death is at hand. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: everyone was an emotional wreck. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was right. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: hear their story. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: see him through other people's memories. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: they forgot their petty disputes for a time. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: dressing up for the funeral. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: no. i do not feel like crying about the past. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... not too much. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... no. you're given a life, for a short time, if you don't use it to it's full advantage then it's your loss. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could things aren't difficult. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I smiled. i would see them again. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: contempt. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: disgust. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: giving away money. --Religious Affiliation: pagan --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: human --Regarding MONEY: it drained the family, and tore them apart. --Regarding the FUNERAL: saddening --The weirdest part of it all to me was: meeting people for the first time. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : losing your mind. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: laugh. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': i have none. --If we were to visit one last conversation... to see them smile would be nice. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: have a will. i want people to laugh and have a good time after my death. --Any thoughts about your own death?: when i am done with this life i shall lay down and die. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it was fine. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 6 22:41:29 1998 F21 in Ottawa, =Canada= Email: <ms_cheeky-at-hotmail.com> Web: http://WWW.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Stonewall/1978/ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Teacher ] Prof/Studies: Student of Geograpy - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3yrs ago. Cause of Death: old age and illness; Aged: 86. --Details: She died in bed in her old-folks home. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When the living tissue that makes up a body ceases to function on any level and all brain activity stops. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I think I cried a bit. --That first time, how it happened was My grandmother on my father's side died of cancer. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: A couple people were crying, mostly the family was just mingling and having a good time at the wake. My father and I poked fun at the religious ceremony. My mother made me wear a dress, and after the wake, we all went out for Chinese food. The only bad part was before she actually died and was lying in bed shrivelled up and dying. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: Is that there is no afterlife and people should just have a good time at the funeral and remember the good things that person did before they died and celebrate the fact that their number isn't up yet. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: all the inheritance. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Nothing, just me. I really didn't need any support. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Having to look really sad and accept condolences. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Surround them with loved ones. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Accept death as inevitable and am not really bothered by it. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: A classmate asked me, after I told them I missed class to go to my grandmother's funeral, "aren't you sad??". I realised that I probably should be, and kind of wondered why I wasn't. The confusion didn't last very long, though. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: people crying is funny. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Steal her handicapped parking permit. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Keep a straight face at the wake when i found out that a little cousin of mine had poked the body. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: the family got together after for Chinese buffet. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the quiet, mourning part. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: the only available parking spaces are handicapped ones and I have to remind my mother that we could have stole grandma's parking permit, but now we have to walk from the other end of the parking lot through the cold wind and snow. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... no different, just more trips out of town to visit. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that she smoked her entire life yet still managed to die of old-age. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back time so that I have an extra day to turn in my homework assignment. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I didn't find it hard to accept at all. I just experienced relief when I found out that she wasn't suffering anymore. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Bravo guys, you managed to keep her suffering and alive for a few days more. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: something to mock and ridicule. --Religious Affiliation: Athiest --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like a load of hog-wash. --Regarding MONEY: there wasn't any. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the general feel of a family reunion. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: wearing a dress. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : lack of movement, short, raspy breath and 23 hours a day of sleep. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: there isn't a process. When people are alive, I imagine them dead, then when it actually happens, i've already dealt with it. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': there was none. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: my grandmother and I had no issues. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Make them very specific, and make sure you leave someone in charge of you that you trust to follow your wishes. --Any thoughts about your own death?: the thought of my own death doesn't bother me at all. If I knew I was gonna die really soon, i'd party till the day arrived. I'd invite all my friends and relatives and run my VISA bill to the limit. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i had none --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? no - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I think I let my mother hug me and cry. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It let me put into writing all the thoughts and feelings i've had about death. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 6 20:25:23 1998 F24 in Winona, Minnesota =USA= Email: <clchopp-at-hbci.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] While looking for surveys and polls - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: telemarketing-cemetery monuments - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I am willing to e-mail or speak with anyone who wants to talk about death or other difficult subjects. Sharing negative experiences can help people heal, especially if you can discuss it with others who have been through similar things. I am a good listener and also will give advice or support when asked. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 yrs ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 46. --Details: 2 15-year-old boys were illegally joyriding in one of their parent's car when my friend pulled into the blind intersection at night.(She couldn't see oncoming traffic until she was in the intersection because of the bluff that blocks view) The hit her side of her pickup truck, she wasn't belted in and was thrown from the vehicle. Thank God she was killed instantly. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: An unfortunate but necessary part of life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was about 4 years old. It was my great-grandma --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...old age --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: It caused our survivors of rape and incest group to fall apart. Our friend who died was like a bond that held us all together. We were her family, her pallbearers and it was so painful we couldn't stay together. My best friend went through a nervous breakdown after the funeral because we were already upset and then she received a call that her father-in-law had died and it pushed her over the edge. It changed all of our lives, drastically. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: That it is not something to be afraid of or angry with. We don't need to try to avoid it or beat it. If you live your life to the fullest you should have nothing to fear. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: When someone is old or sick or in a lot of pain and there is no hope for recovery, death is a blessing, a rest. When my grandpa died at age 95, he was ready and I think it was a relief for him. He was tired and had led a full life. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Friends who really understood and cared. Closure, being an important part of the funeral, the estate sale, reading of the will, being a pallbearer, etc. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Not expecting it. It was too soon and a horrible accident and avoidable. Dealing with not being told the juvenile's names. The hatred and anger toward the unknown boys. My friend's family only showed up to see what they got, they were horrible, greedy people and most of them were bad-mouthing my deceased friend. Luckily, my friend knew this would happen and left these horrible people nothing. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be a pallbearer, help with the auction, help pick out the coffin, help write the obituary and death notice, help develop the ceremony and sing at the service. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear about other fatal car accidents --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I think I would be still benefitting from her knowledge and experience. She never treated me like I was inferior even thought she was 30 years my senior. She always respected my opinion and was not ashamed to admit when I was right or when I knew more than she did. She helped me grow up. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... she was just beginning to heal from past experiences, she was only 46 and still growing emotionally, she had so much to give, she had a wonderful sense of humor, her death was a real loss to everyone who knew her --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Go back in time and change it. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Cried unconsolably, ranted and raved, screamed, sat on her front porch, talked and cried with friends. Wept, wept, wept --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Not much. --Religious Affiliation: Used to be Lutheran. Now I have a personal belief system --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: All life is connected. God is in control. I believe that those who want to bow down and worship God and behave like sheep will be allowed to live for eternity. Those who are truly evil will simply cease to exist. The rest of us? I'm not sure. The Bible used to be my belief system, but now I believe that the translators(humans) may have altered or corrupted it and I refuse to base my beliefs on what was written by humans, no matter how honorable their intentions are. I believe that God is compassionate, just and honest and I believe that he will honor my request to be punished for my daughter's sins as well as my own so that she may be saved if she wants to be. --Regarding the FUNERAL: Her asshole son singing "Ding Dong the bitch is dead" I wanted to put the jerk in the coffin with her and bury him alive, but that would have been unfair to her. It was horrible. Also, the director made snide comments about the fact that all of us pallbearers were her FEMALE friends. But, none of her family ever offered to do a damn thing and she would of loved it that her closest friends carried her to her final resting place. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Sleeping in her house the night before the funeral. My best friend(who later had a nervous breakdown) and I slept in her guest room to make sure noone broke in to steal anything before the funeral and reading of the will. We didn't sleep very well crammed into a single bed, but neither of us wanted to sleep in a dead person's bed even though she hadn't died there. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Intuition! Joan had a sense of impending doom the day before, but noone realized or took it seriously. She had told a mutual friend that she wanted to hear her(the friend's) poem before our survivor's group meeting 2 days later and the friend had said, "no, you have to wait" and Joan had said,"what if I don't make it" and she said this a few times and really wanted to hear the poem, but the mutual friend said "no, I'll make sure you get there." The next night, the accident occurred. The poem was read at the gravesite.Always listen and take seriously anyone's fears or concerns. Never laugh at intuition or premonition. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Crying it out, talking it through, hugging a friend or family member, writing a poem or a letter to the deceased. Get involved in the planning and preparations of the funeral. Write a eulogy. Make a photo album and/or scrapbook Cry and scream. go for a walk. Feel your feelings, go with them in a safe place. Don't bottle your emotions, let them out. Go to the person's house and just sit in their favorite chair and close your eyes and remember all the good times. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I had been with her only 2 days before and I had promised to come over and help pick cherry tomatoes the following day and hadn't made it. I wish I could have seen her one last time, I wish I had made it over to pick tomatoes. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I just want to tell her I love her and miss her and that she was a truly important person. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I have written a will, which I need to update slightly. Also, I should have a living will and medical power of attorney papers drawn up. --Any thoughts about your own death?: My only fear is that I would die before my daughter was old enough to care for herself. Her father is a functioning alcoholic and I would be afraid that she would be so devestated by my death that it would negatively affect her future. Once she is capable of caring for herself, I won't worry about it. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Reading Psalm 23, listening to music that makes you feel peaceful or sad or contemplative. Singing. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I sing Psalm 23 when I am frightened or lonely. I listen to mellow or sad music when I need to cry and feel. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? No, less. Most of us stopped going to the Survivor's group. Her death caused me to stop grieving over my past sexual assault issues. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: All you can do is be there to listen, hold, comfort and support. Just make yourself available to the griever so they know they are not alone. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - You really helped me to analyze some deep-seated feelings and memories that I had stifled. I feel sad and yet I feel better for having talked about it. Thank You. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Dec 6 14:11:05 1998 F19 in Upland, California =United States of America= Name: Kristie Johnson Email: <Castle16-at-aol.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] I was following the Tibet field trip, and one of the side trips took me to buddism. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Student -- Zoology - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60. --Details: I found out that my grandfather had cancer about 3-4 months before he died. I wanted to write him to let him know about how much I love him and appriciate him, but I kept putting it off. Then one day my mother recieved the call that he had died. I felt awful and guilty that I hadn't written him. I still do. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: something that is unkown. Our bodies just shut down on us. We have yet to know what happens to our energy and thoughts. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried and cried. At the funeral I kept expecting my grandfather to walk into the chuch and yell surprise it was just a joke. He never showed up. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... the person who died was my grandfather. We were close up until I hit about 12- 13, then I just stopped spending as much time with my family to be with my friends. I always felt bad for not being there for him when he died. I was 15. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how sad everyone was. Yet my grandmother was so in control of herself, I felt like she was just holding it all in because it hurt her so bad. --What I think my (United States of America) culture needs to better learn about death is: I was never told much about death. My family is not religious, so when you die, you are just dead. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My grandfather is not in anymore pain. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Trying to not think about it. When I think about death and dying too much I feel sick and scared. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: My grandfather will no longer be there to watch me accomplish my dreams and goals. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: call my grandfather and tell him how much I love him. I wish I hadn't spent so much time away from him. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think about how proud my grandfather would be of me and all that I'm doing I start getting teary-eyed. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... my grandfather had just quit smoking and eating healthy and then he dies. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried and cried and then I cried some more. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: I am not a religious person. --Religious Affiliation: I don't have a religious affiliation. --Regarding the FUNERAL: we tried to think of the good times and memories. --Any thoughts about your own death?: My own death scares me because I don't know what happens after we die, will we ever get to see our loved ones again or are we just gone. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Just to be thankful for the family that you have and to spend as much time with them as possible because you never know when death will come around. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time The passage of time has lessened the pain, but it still hurts to think about him. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death I am afraid of death because I don't know what there is after you die. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Dec 5 15:39:21 1998 M14 in Battle Ground, WA =USA= Email: <Crimson_Mantis-at-hotmail.com> Web: http://WWW.yearight.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Criminology, forensics - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, many yrs ago. Cause of Death: crushed; Aged: ?. --Details: a rock fell on my pet frog - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a long sleep in which the soul is dormant and the body returns to the dust from which it came. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was dissapointed, but it never affected me. --That first time, how it happened was I fell into the deep end of a pool and my dad pulled me out, this happend 3 times after on different occasions. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: seeing him dead --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: nothing --The most confusing point of death for me was when: none --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I laugh at death normally - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Other: death never has bothered me What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Dec 3 14:09:34 1998 F23 in Knoxville, TN =USA= Name: Valeria Williams Email: <valeriawilliams-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Student/postal employee - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: How to go on living when someone you love dies - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 2 weeks ago. Cause of Death: gunshot; Aged: 24. --Details: Friend accidentally shot him in the heart - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the only struggle that man has yet to conquer. It is one of th very few things in life that can not be changed or erased. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very young and did not quite understand exaclty what was going on except for the fact that someone I loved was gone and I would never see them again --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... my brothers best friend was killed --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the pain that the family and mostly his identical twin was in. Also constantly questioning God's will. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: how to give children a better understanding of death and exaclty how to act and what to say to those who are mournign the loss of a loved one, and also not to compare their losses to yours --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the fact that my loved one who is gone now does not, as far as think, have to deal with the problems of the world anymore. I'm grateful that his struggle with life is over SOMETIMES. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Support from my mother, friends, his family, my family and most importanlty suppor from within in constantly telling myself that I could make it through this. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: COnstantly having memories of that person, doing things that I know that person would have enjoyed so much, even sometimes feeling guilty about being able to enjoy myself without him when I always thougt I couldn't, and afterwards always questioning myself about whether I really did love him. --[My Ex-'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: feel like you are the one person who can truly heal yourself you can seek help from others but the most important part of the healing process comes from within. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I was constantly having hopes of seeing the person even though I knew that it was not possible. Always hoping in a dream or in some quiet time alon that person would appear. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Laughter indead is a medicine for the soul and the heart and that is one thing about human nature even in the most troubling times with life being so trivial it good to laugh. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: go places he really liked instead of always being too busy or just not wanting to --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: finally grasp the reality of it all and be of support to his sibling who are having a really hard time. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I went to the funeral home to view the body and his hand still looked soft and he looked as peaceful as I had recalled him looking during a good nights sleep after a long day. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: ????? --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I am doing something I know they would have enjoyed or when I have completed a mission that I know they would have been thrilled to share with me. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... things would be more pleasant but I don't know how things would be different. Being the human that I am I would probably be still consumed by time, and still not share as much with this person as I would like to. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... It's just not fair that the one person I knew who had never done anything to hurt anybody had to be the one person that God chose to take away from me. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could die and be with my loved one if that is truly possible --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I started to really question God, and also told myself constantly that if I was sure that upon death I would be reunited with my loved one I would be ready to go today. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: understanding that death is not conquerable and when is it someones time to leave they will indeed leave. Dr.s aren't able to perform miracles and as long as they do their jobs then there is no room for complaint. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing, the ordeal I had to deal with alone and figure out on my own to truly understand from my perception. --Religious Affiliation: Non-demoninational christanity --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like there is commonality and death does not discriminate on the grounds of race, language, or religious faith. --Regarding MONEY: the cost of funeral and burial is ridiculous. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the funeral was well conducted and all those there were very helpful in rendering thoughful words of concern. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: still being at the cemetery when the body was lowered into the ground --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : ???? --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: ????? --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I am not exactly sure --RE: Near Death Experiences: never experienced it, but am familar with it --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I do not feel now that there are any unresolved issues --If we were to visit one last conversation... Not to tell that person what they could or need to be doing better, but to just accept that everyone lives firstly for themself. Because if they don's first make themselves happy then they may not have the ability to make others happy. just basically come forth with more understanding and acceptace. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: one friend of his and my mother both told of dreams in which my loved one appeared assuring them that he was o-kay and there was no need to cry because he had made to the other side and was with the angels. Both of these accounts were told to me by people in differnt cities at different times who have no type of communcation with one another --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: have not dealt with --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would just take it in stride and not stress my last days with worrying about it because I now no that is inevitable. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: going out side at night and talking towards the sky believing that my loved one hears me, sometimes even talking to pictures --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Basically have just started to live life to the fullest and not worry so much. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? not necessarily from another person but from within. Seeing parts of myself allowing myself to be one of my best friends instead of one of my worst critics. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I do reach out and help others as much as possible, and i belive that I got as much as help as I would allow, but for me the most important part was helping myself and not asking others to - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I feel like this is a very necessary questionnaire, that allows people to truly express their feelings. Things tend to be much more clear when you see them in writing, and upon answering the questions some of the things you thought you felt weren't exaclty so. This is a very useful survey that allows you to ask yourself questions that you probably never would have - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? none ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Dec 3 12:35:25 1998 F19 in Twin Falls, Idaho =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 3yrs ago. Cause of Death: old age; Aged: . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When this physical life ends and you enter into the spiritual life you've chosen. If you accept christ as your personal savior you spend eternity with him in paradice. If you reject him, you spend eternity without him in an everlasting torchure. --That first time, how it happened was My Grandfather had a severe stroke --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how happy I was that my grandfather came to know the Lord before he died. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it's just the doorway to eternal life with two choices. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Gods great lessons and mercies. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Gods presence in my life. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Those I loved who died without knowing the Lord. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: not to be afraid to share with them the way the truth and the life of Jesus. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to share with them the truth that they may have rejected. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: have them in my life. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I'm just missing them being with me. --Religious Affiliation: My church is a nondenominational bible believing church. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I wish I had spent more time with them. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I wouldn't mind if some of my organs were donated if possible. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't fear death, I know what it holds for me. I don't particularly want to feel a lot of pain, and I fear that a little, but however or whenever God takes me home, I'm ready. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Give all your pain and sorrows, your fears, give it all to Jesus. Let him talke care of you and comfort you. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Dec 1 22:56:20 1998 F50 in Edmonton, Alberta =Canada= Name: lori - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: housewife - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: On death and dying (and numerous other works of the same author) Recommended Reading-- Writers: Elizabeth Kuebler Ross - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 69. --Details: Since caring for my father in law at home till his death (cancer), a lot of my fears of death dissappeared. My 9 yr old son at that point gave me a lot of insight to dying. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The end and the beginning. It is a leaving of an old shell in order to take on a new and beautiful form. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I said that it was a very peaceful passing into a new realm of being. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...An acquaintance of my family died and I went to the funeral (open coffin). Noone prepared me for that moment. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The warmth and the loving that came from the dying person.The stories of what they had already seen and how beautiful the place must be where they are going. The mention of dear ones already waiting for them. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: That we need to accept it and not hide from it. that it is nothing to be afraid of. We may be afraid of dying (How, under what pain?) but definitely not of death itself. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I have cared for three family members in my home. They all died of cancer. Death has ended their suffering and dependance (changing diapers, feeding, not able to care for themselves anymore). --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Elizabeth Kuebler Ross' books. The belief in life ever after. The support I have gotten from the dying persons. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The suffering and pain of the people that get left behind. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Let go. Do not hold that person here. Allow him to die in peace. Tell him it is allright for him/her to go and that you will always love them and that you will manage without them. Many dying people hang on and suffer more than necessary (I believe) is because they have to worry about the ones they leave behind.JUST HOLD THEIR HANDS!!!! --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: I learned to let go. I will always miss her but she will live on in my heart. She will not die a second time. One day we will be reunited. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: The unbelieveable amount of strength that a cancer patient can muster up when he/she wants to communicate. Where does it come from? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I was too tired to laugh. For my father in law (18 yrs. ago)and my mother in law (2 yrs ago in Germany), I had no help at all in the care for them. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: After my first experience with my father in law I had regrets. I should have fed him more, I should have spent more time with him. 24 hrs. instead of 20,I should have cared more than I did and on and on and on..... --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: To be there. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Dying people will ask strange questions. Answer them honestly to the best of your ability. They will know if you're lying. "Oh, Dora, you look so well today, I just know you are going to get better" --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: But you must eat to keep your strength up. What strength? The person lying there is dying and if he/she doesn't want to eat, leave them alone. In my eyes they can do anything they want or are capable of doing. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I cry when I miss my mom in certain situations. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... My life would be totally different. I cannot say if it would be better or worse. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Whoever said life was fair? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could It doesn't anymore. Since I have lost my fear of death it seems that life situations are the difficult ones. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Getting the news of the cancer is hard to deal with, but when you have the blessing of being a part of the whole process, nothing seems unreal. It opens your eyes to reality, love ,understanding, anger, pain, denial, acceptance and letting go. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Super care for my mom and us in Edmonton, Alberta. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: I had/have no problems with that. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: There was none --Religious Affiliation: I believe in one God not in any religion. Religions are run by people. People are NOT ALWAYS worthy of trust and belief. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Very comfortable and soothing for the soul. --Regarding MONEY: It was not a major issue. --Regarding the FUNERAL: A family member acting like an idiot. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: The hallucinations that occured. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Watch for the questions that they ask. If you allow them to speak to you openly then they will tell you when the time has come. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Depending on how close you are to the person, the stages do differ. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': You explaind this very eloquently. Pior to being notified of a death/illness I have seen/experienced a black man standing in my home. He was no threat to me, didn't frighten me but said no words either. he just stood there for a second and then was gone. --RE: Near Death Experiences: N/A --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: Great, I was lucky enough to solve any problems with them during the care I gave them.I believe that I have made up for many wrongs that I may have suffered upon them. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I have said my peace, there is nothing left to say other than I love you Mom, but she knows that. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I lived in Germany for many years. My mom has never seen my home there. After her death I was sitting in the living room alon and my cat was lying by my feet. All at once his hair went straight up and he looked like he was in shock. My reaction (really weird) was to say out loud "hi Mom I am really glad you came. How do you like it? --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: When my time comes, please let me go without making me feel guilty about leaving someone behind. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I do not want to know when. I live for today, because I do not have a guarantee that I will be alive tomorrow. I am afraid of suffering and being a burden on my family. They would not have the strength to pull me through and I am afraid of being deserted. I am not afraid of dying, but I do not want to be alone when it happens. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: None that I am aware of. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I have become a stronger person and I believe more tolerant and more caring. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? I was not fortunate enough to have much support during these times. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: A massage, a cup of coffee, just a short walk outside with me. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was super putting my thoughts on paper (Monitor) It has reconfirmed my beliefs. your questions were excellent. Thank you. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? If you need a translation into german, contact me. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Dec 1 22:16:00 1998 Anonymous Guest in Lancaster - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 months ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 68. --Details: he got real sick went into a coma and died 3 days later. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a sad experince but everyone must experince it. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 16 --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandpa had cancer and we all knew it was coming but it was the first close person to me i ever lost. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how he was before he died --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: that it has to happen --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: our family is closer but we were always close --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: i delt with it in my own mind --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: knowing how they treat the dead --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i would go to the house and he was not there --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried and cried - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Nov 98 contributions. See Oct 98 contributions. See Current contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^