| Home | Questionnaire | Guests | BookReviews | Memorials
| EgyptianBkOfTheDead | Write Us | What's New? | Handwriting Analysis
Quick Navigator to other pages ...
Some Recent Responses to our GuestBook. . .

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
           
See  Current   contributions.
See  Oct 98   contributions.
See  Sep 98   contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 29 22:28:20 1998
Anonymous Guest M16
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  yrs9 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 52.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     something difficult to over come and to understand

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was sad for a long time

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...i was in 1st grade. my grandmother had had
	cancer for a long time. one day she unfortunately passed away

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     not having them around when i needed them, and during the holidays
and birthdays
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     take her pain away

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have my grandmother in my life for 8 years
 
--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     kill myself
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     the nurse was caring. she did everything she could
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     agnostic- family is episcopalian
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 
     i was only 8

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 29 21:44:25 1998
F21 in  Kentucky =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  doing a research in psychology class came across upon it

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: elementary Education major
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: disease know as cancer;   Aged: 47.

--Details: 
     I have explain it above

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Death is unexplainable until you experience it.  You never know
how it feel or how some feel until you lose some close to you.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My mother was diagosed with breast cancer a
	fews years ago. It has been about two years since she died from the
	disease. I was about 19yrs old when she died, the pain still exist
	to this day(21yrs).  I think that I am o.k. with it but I wish it
	didn't happen to me because my mother was too young and she is a
	good lady whom practices and follow all the moral codes.  After her
	death I have had so many responsibilities of caring for my younger
	siblings, older brother, and my father whom has a mental disease.
	I have alway been a responsible kid with many responsibility
	before her death.  I am willing to take all the challenges and
	responsibility my family lay upon me as long as they are happy.
	Since my mother death, I feel very sorry for my younger siblings,
	especially the 12years, he does not have the love from a mother
	except spiritly, it is not the same because physical the body is
	not here.  Dealing with my mother death is very hard for me until
	this day because she is a great loss.  It is like losing a treasure
	of gold!  She is the love of my life and I wish I could taken her
	place because she is a good lady whom deserve to live forever.
	Why her????????  It has been 2 yrs since her death and I still
	do not fully understand the reason why her?  I don't think that I
	will ever understand why as long as i live because it isn't fair.
	I did not realize what I got until it is gone therefore Iam stupid.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     During those time, things were very confusing, surprise, sad,
mad, frustrated, unknown and unanswer questions.

Everything was a chaos!!!

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     My mother always tell me that someday i will see her again in
another life.  It didn't make any sense to me because I want to
see her now and forever.  I didn't want to be without her because
it felt not natural to me

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The good and bad memories I have from her and the lessons she taught
me in life.  She was my inspiration and the love of my life.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Friends and others supported me but I still thought it was not
enough because I felt they did not understand how I felt.  Talk to
me is cheap action speak loudly.   The only person I thought that
understand me was my best friend is my elder brother.  He too could
related and understand my pains.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Seeing my mother suffer while she was in the hospital, I could see
and felt thAT my mother was determine to stay alive but someone from
high above did not want her to & felt that it was time for her to go
(not know how it would affect  her family).  Watching her suffer
and struggle to survive, I felt so helpless because I could not
save her or help her in anyway; made me upset and frustrated!!!!
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Never give up on the person because there is always hope when you
know there is not one.  If they know that there is hope from you,
they tried to fight harder to survive with you until the end even
though they know that there isn't a chance.  By being there they
know that you love them and that you care.  It give them a reason
to stay alive a few minutes longer just to let you know that they
are appeciated  your supports.
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
      how I was able to survive from this tragedy, so can you because
 of this incident it has made me a better person. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i wish that I would have taken her sickness seriously. I thought
that she soon will get well, but I was wrong.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with her and do things that she like to do. I
wish that I could have taken her back to Vietnam for her to see
her parents before she past away.  She had been separate from her
parents for many years due to the war.  Now it has been two years
since she past away, Her parents miss her very much and wishes they
could see me in personal because i remindered them of her.  They are
very old and are not well enough to leave their country nor the money
to come to see me.  Therefore they are expecting me to come to them.
I very much would like to see them before they pass away but due to
financial troubles i am unable to go and see them therefore they are
very sad!!!  That is something I regretted because I was not able
to give my mother her wish when she was alive and now that she is
gone I am still unable to give her last requested by going to back
home to her parents and let her parents know that she love them.

Therefore, my advice to anyone is do whatever it take to met your
love one last requested before you live to regretted it like myself.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     to survive through it.  And that I had my family near by to supported
me especially my elder brother.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my mother finally gave up and close her eyes.  Immediately when she
shut her eyes, i knew that she has given up and wanting to leave me.
After alot of crying from hugging her, i slowly raised my head
up... I saw a black bird right up the window, looking straight
through my ways for a minutes or so...  Stilling the bird and I
made eye contract for quiet awhile and as I approach the window and
kiss it.... it waited for a second then it flew away..... as if it
was my mother saying her last good bye and assuring me that things
were going to be fine....  I then knew that her spirit will always
be with me and her love will always be with me.  I then became less
upset but still the burden of saddness was so full that it overflow
like a spill can of soda.  It was the bird i believe that heal
my wounded because I think that my mother knew that no one would
help me get over the loss.  The bird was the symbol of her and the
healing process for me.  Otherwise i would not have survive it. 
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     My aunts and uncles didn't want me be around her when she died or
come close to her when she past away because they thought it was
bad luck to come near a person that have died. To me it was not
important because i knew and she knew that she would not want to
bring me any bad luck becuase she love  me very much; why would she
want to cause more pain to me.  Her leaving me was bad enough why
would she want to curse me with bad luck.  To me this was nonsense,
and i knew that my mother would think so too because i was the love
of her life and she was mine and nobody will take that away from us.
I respected my mother, my aunts and uncles traditions and customs
but i felt that it was not important to me because if a tradition
or customs is to separate my love for  my mother is not worth for
me to abid my it because being able to kiss her, hold her hand,
touches her face, and hug her was very important to me when I know
that it will be our last time to held her close or to touch her
soft hands or face give me great joy.  If by doing this brings me
bad luck then I will take my chances and will risks all the bad
luck it will bring upon me.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I rediscover once again that it was just yesterday that things had
happens and her death make me very sad.  i think of her constantly.
Her death does not stop me from thinking of her but I think of her
more often now then when she was alive.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I thought of this million of times a day, imaginary us being together
and her death never even exist.  To me this would be a utopia place
if I could have it.  Too bad it isn't true.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I blame on the great god above or whoever has that authority of 
taking a life away without knowing the consequences and blame on why it
is just not fair.  I now come to realize that I should not question
the high authority and blame on anyone or to question it fairness.
Death is part of life.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     just died and be with her and things would be better for me and
everyone elses.  Their would be no problems and worry free world.
I then know that it would not be fair for the people that love me,
so my mind changes.  Whenever the times come then i will be ready,
but until then  i will spend great qualities time with my family
and brothers.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     i will likely to face death again, you can hide from death but
you cannot run from it....  When the time is your,,,, you have no
choice but to go too.  Make the best of what you got and treasure
while it last!

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     nothing, the community did not do anything for me.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Hospice cam to my home once and they never came back, I never knew
the reasons why because i didn't care. They are just stranger why
would they cARE for us.  I didn't think that hospice was there for
my family and myself or my mother because i do not think that they
care about how we really handling things.  Maybe it was the money
things or something else....   It doesn't matter to me because
my brothers and i  had each other to lend on.  Would I recommend
hospice to anybody, personally no I would not because i didn't have
a good experience with them because they seem so fake and uncaring.
I think it is based on whom they are with.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     the church that sponse us was very good to us and gave us a great
support.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I am a christianity but my parents was with a different religious
(Buddist)
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     people my mother didn't know came to support her.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     There is really no signs when it happen it just hapen unexpectedly
and take one's by surprise.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     going back to visit my grandparents in Vietnam.  No one will be
able to help me until I got money to go back on my own.  people do
not care about you, they only care about yourself.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would just kiss her often, hug her more, tell her that I LOVE HER,
let her know that she is a great person and that i love her more
than anything, i would be more obedience and less stubborn.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I often have dreams about my mother when I am a sleep. i sometime
dreams the things we did in the past and sometimes she just give me a
advice in life.  Or just visit me in my sleep.  it is hard to exlain,
but when she is there I don't want to wake up but I know that she
is not alive therefore get up.  When I am with her I feel safe...

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     think of her smile  and think of her often. I wear her rings which
allow to know that she is here with me.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 
     I do not think anything would help a person to get over their loss.
People say that in time, things will heal for itself.  I  do not
think that it is true because I haven't seen it or see it.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 
     I never thought that it would happen to me because my mother was
always the strong one.  it is my dad whom is the weak because he
is alway not well and thought of death often, my mother was always
positive and the strong one in the family

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 29 10:45:14 1998
F21 in Perth, Western Australia =Australia=
Email: <watts-at-upnaway.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Studying Accounting
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend,  1yr 11months ago.
Cause of Death: accident;   Aged: 18.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     18

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my boyfriend Josh and I went to visit a friend
	who had recently bought a motorbike.  Josh suggested he give me a
	ride up the street.  There was only one helmet and he made me wear
	it. But before he took of I told him I didn't want to and got off.
	But he took of without the helmet then he went down the street
	turned around and sped past.  He lost control hit the back of his
	head on the curb and flew in the air.  When I got to him he was
	unconscious and dying.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     I was in shock for a while, but then lost fear of death and
wouldn't really care if I died, but I wouldn't be capable of
suicide.  I started to drink alot within the first 5 months but
that passed. Also I learnt to be grateful for the time I had spent
with my live-in boyfriend while he was alive.

--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it takes a long time to start to accept it.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the last "I love you" and kiss from Josh just minutes before he died.
As well as being able to be there for him when it happened.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     No one really helped me except for myself.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not being able to die together (because that way I wouldn't have
had to deal with his death) and also realising I was never going
to see, smell, hear or feel him ever again.
  
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Have learnt to take each day as it comes, and to appreciate and
value people close to me more.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the funeral.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell him that I would always love him and will never forget such
a special person.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Certain songs play on the radio, or special memories pop up, or
anniversaries and birthdays.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Why him?

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     get away from everything and find someone who can make me happier.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     slowly began to pick up the pieces and try to accept it as best
as possible.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I feel the ambulance took too long to get to the accident. And
medical staff were too quick to rule hope.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
      hopeful.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the great number of people, and the beautiful service.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     that I was mourning for someone, that if he were alive and I was
mourning for someone eles he would have had the perfect qualities
and personality to help me through it.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I don't know of any examples personally but I do believe there
could be something out there.
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would tell him that I love him dearly and that one day we will
be together again. It would help me alot because everyone needs hope.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I did have a dream shortly after his death that felt really vivid.
I dreamt I was floating through the clouds and arrived at a place
that was serene but I can't remember it but there was a path that
lead uphill one way and downhill the other.  On the edge of one side
of the path there was a brick wall about waist height and Josh was
sitting on it and he was crying then I started to cry and asked him
if he was ok.  He said he was but that he wanted to be down ther
(meaning alive) then he said that he had already learnt something
while he'd been there, that he wasn't supposed to follow the path
downhill (meaning it was the pathway to hell).  When I woke up
It felt real.  Dreaming of Josh really helps sometimes because it
keeps him alive inside me.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     If it were a painless death I wouldn't really care, I would accept
it and hope that there is a heaven.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     praying for him and keeping pictures of him close by.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I feel it is important to keep his memory alive and remember him
as the fun, loving and humorous character he is.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     This is true, after Josh died I went to psychic and she communicated
with Josh he told her that he would set me up with a guy called
Steve.  The only I knew was a boyfriend of a friends, friend.
I'd seen him around but never associated  with him, a couple of
days later he broke up with his girlfrind and we started to see
each other.  Even though it was so soon after his death (3months) I
felt I needed a companion & someone to help me take my mind of Josh.
I began to heal soon after.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Alcohol 
     At first it was alochol but then I started to believe in heaven


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 
     as well as insensitivities from some friends and family
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     Someone to talk to.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I enjoyed it, and I felt that I got a few things of my chest.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 28 18:35:12 1998
F30 in New Orleans, Louisiana =U.S.=
Email: <jbidding-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Other: ]
  yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Death and Dying
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Elizabeth Kubler ROss
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: an acute leukemia;   Aged: 44.

--Details: 
     she died suddenly.  It was a shock to my entire family.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     wow, good question. Our bodies die, and our spirit goes to heaven.
We cease to breathe air and "live" with other humans on this earth,
but our soul/spirit does not die, it goes into the air and is free.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     I didn't understand why or what happened.  I had trouble grasping
the concept of NEVER seeing him again.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  I was extremely terrified of my mother dying.
	when i was sent away to summer camp, i went crying to the nurse,
	upset from the fear that my mother might die

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     PAIN, shock, unspoken disbelief, fear,....but mostly gut wrenching
pain.

--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     we need to talk about it more and be more accepting of everyones
fears and feeling.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     gaining strength and independence

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     books, movies, my mother's sisters and their compassion,
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I will never be able to talk to mother again.  That is the most
painful feeling. I could be fucking up my life and she will never
be able to console or comfort me.  I feel very alone without her
here. I will never be the girl I was before she died.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Tell them that you love them over and over and over again.  Listen to
their concerns and try not to let them see your fear.  Be brave.
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I moved far away from the rest of my family to be on my own. I'm not
sure what that has taught me though.  Just independence, although
it really was not a choice, it just happened.  I fear being close
with other people.  I think maybe I learned,....just to fear death
even more--it's so permanent.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     ...a few days after she died, and the phone would ring and people
would ask for her...like she was still here.  THAT was pure HELL.
Also, about 4-6 hours before her death I was sitting in the hospital
cafe and people all around me were smiling---I didn't understand how
these people could smile when my mother was dying. ????  I thought
that I would never smile, ever again.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I don't recall laughing at all.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time alone with her.  Go for more walks with her, KNOW
THAT SHE WAS SICK!!!!  I didn't know that she was ill, until the
autopsy. I HATED the doctors, they probed her like a guniea pig
at that fucking Hershey Medical Center.  I wouldn't send my sick
cat there.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     not die along with her, although somedays I wish I had.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     everyone went to pick out her casket,...and the entire funeral
ceremony, it was interesting to listen to everyone else's imput
and how incredibly fucked up their comments were.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     getting rid of her personal effects in such a hurry.  My family's
timing sucked,...they wanted me to get rid of everything and I just
wanted to sit in my room with all of her things around me and they
forced me to get rid of it immediately----it was hell.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     The anniversary of my mother's death was on Mother's day this
year. (May 10)  It's kind of like a sick joke or something. I see
women dressed up with flowers, going out to dinner and I get very
sad. Sometimes I feel jealous and hateful.  My friends don't know
what to say to me, and I end up spending that day all alone.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think if my mother were still alive, I would take bigger risks
with my life. (I'd probably be living in Europe by now)  Although
I did move far away and I recently started my own company, I feel
as though I am not as successful as I could be if she were here.
She was a solid support system in ALL ways, emotionally, spiritually,
and now I feel totally and completely alone.  I trust very few
people.  I dont' have unconditional love anymore and I feel like
I am a pain in the ass to more traditional families because I am
so needy, yet I'd NEVER encroach on their family units, but in my
mind I secretly wish I could be a part of a family again.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     it's not fair that she died so young.  I feel robbed of precious
moments, especially since she doesn't have the chance to see me
as a mature adult who could show her more love than as a obnoxious
self absorbed teenager.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     see my mother in the flesh and tell her everything that has happened
to me. I want her back.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     almost felt relief, I guess it was sort of like acceptance.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     The doctors sucked.  Especially the incompetent "resident" who said
"Your mother is going to die...." and then shrugged his shoulders
and walked out.  He was mean to me when I asked why they hadn't
figured out what was wrong with her, just that she was going to
die.... PERIOD. His communication skills SUCKED, and the "real"
doctor on her case didn't tell us,...she sent an incompetent asshole
to tell us, a jerk who could not answer our questions....She (doctor)
probably sent him to us for "practice" in telling people that their
relatives are not going to live,...bastards.  I hate them.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     did not experience hospice, no time for that.  There was a clinic
in York, Pennsylvania that tested my mothers blood about a week
before she died.  they called my house the day after her death.
They said they needed to talk to her right away.  When I told the
man she had died, there was stunned silence on the phone.  this was
the most humane contact I had experience that year.  He explained to
me that her blood work was extremely bad and that she needed help
right away. He was so kind to me and explained what happened to
her. I will never forget his kindness. He listened to me cry on the
phone and he was extremely compassionate.  Somedays I feel that he
alone could have saved her because the fuck ups at Hershey Medical
Center thought it was  a fucking blood clot in her lung.....bastards.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     confusion.  the church did not comfort me at all although they play
a major role in my family's life, it didn't do anything for me.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     protestant
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     comforting
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     ....it wasn't an issue.  Money...was not a factor in anything.
to me it didn't even exist.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I kept my shit together and greeted people. I think people were
amazed at my "control???"  I didn't cry and people did cry, I looked
at them like.>.."why are YOU crying??"

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     it was ALL weird.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     I don't know what the signs are.  My mother's death was so suddent
that there were no signs.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I don't think anyone would want my reflection because I don't
think that it is entirely healthy. Just know that "you are not
alone." that is all I can offer people.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     My mother was....not very lucid on the night before she died.
She told me to put on the "white vale" that was hanging on the wall
behind me. I think she wanted to see me get married before she died
or something....
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I got a visit from a man while I was living in London.  I was
supposed to fly home for the summer (to Pennsylvania)  He said
"what is troubling you??" I said...nothing.  He insisted that
i tell him what was troubling me.  Since he was a stranger I was
freaked out that he could know I was troubled by thoughts of death.
So I told him that I was fearful of me dying in a plane crash back
to the U.S. or of the death of my mother.....He kept telling me
that I would be alright, but when I asked him about my mother, he
wouldn't answer me, he just kept saying that I would be alright.
Two weeks later my mother was dead. This story is absolutly true.
I'm not sure what it means or if it was coincedence, but I honestly
believe that he picked up on that energy and that he "knew."
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     Life turned to shit after she died.  My father married a greedy
shrew who hates me.  she assumed ownership of all of my mother's
antiques and art.  there are a lot of issues and i have no idea
how to deal with them. I was seeing a therapist but she moved away.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would want her to tell me that I will be ok, and that she will
always watch out for me, and take care of me.  I would keep telling
her that i loved her.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I have dreams that her death was a mistake.  And that they buried
her accidentally.  And that she comes back to earth as though
nothing happened and I say "Mom, your dead."  and she says, "no,
I'm really alive, it's a mistake." and then life goes on as normal.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I want them to remember when when I was happy. I don't care what
they do with my body.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't really fear my own death. I just don't like the idea of
the end of my conscienceness.....the ending of my mind or thoughts.
I don't care about the physical death.  Sometimes I don't like the
idea of my death only becuase I know it would devastate my father
and brother and aunts.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I obviously HAVE NO COPING RITUALS.  I read "Motherless Daughters."
That just made me feel like shit, although at least I know that I
am not alone.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I still talk to my mother as though she is in the room with me
sometimes, but then I end up feeling like a fool.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     no, I've had trouble maintaining friendship since her death. Of
course, I do live in New Orleans now, and all of my really close
friends have moved into and then rapidly out of the city.  My closest
connection was with a girl from L.A. (He name was Angela.) We had the
same protestant upbringing and we were really connected spiritually,
but alas, she moved back to California.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Books & Films 
     i'm still a wreck....  i'm 30 and death scares the hell out of me.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Friends' Insensitivities 
     i get completely alienated, and the reactions of others do not help
me either.

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     uh,,,,...I don't reach out very well.  I don't attend funerals and
I'm not very outwardly supportive of other people's grieving.  I tend
to keep to myself, at most I will send a little note of sympathy.
I also always suggest that if they would like to talk they may call
me at any time.  I make myself available to them but I don't go to
them personally.  I let them come to me only if they like. when my
mom died I wanted privacy.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it revealed my anger towards the doctors.  It makes me realize how
little I know about death.  It makes me realize that I still fear
the death of others and the lack of control it brings.  It makes
me realize that I still have a lot of pain.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     A good question would be "How did other's treat you after your
loved ones death."....all of my friends avoided me.  My school
friends at college thought that I was using my mother's death as
a crutch for dealing with my other problems at school, which was
total bullshit.  Their insensitivity was crushing.  Also, I did
experience an extremely humane doctor after my mother's death, it was
my veterinarian.  When my 13 year old cat died a few months after my
mother, the vet called to tell me.  He said "Claude died. I know that
you just lost your mother too.  I am very sorry."  The mere fact that
he aknowledged my mother's death was so kind. God does send angels.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 27 15:44:29 1998
F45 in Salt Lake City, Utah =Salt Lake County=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Records Manager
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     Childhood freind died in a car accident

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Mid-Life  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 
     Commericalism Movies and tragic death
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 26 19:27:22 1998
F37 in London,UK,  ==
Name: Mary Diver
Email: <hasawa -at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Search on Psychology Experiments

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Kubler-Ross
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  9 months ago ago.
Cause of Death: Stomach Cancer;   Aged: 76.

--Details: 
     my mother, sister and I had the priveledge of nursing my father at
home for his last 16 weeks-I gave him many complementary medicines
and he died free from pain-the whole experience has helped us to
deal better with the grief.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The cessation of the physical self and human life as experienced
in the form of consciousness.  The event of death itself is, As
Shakespeare said a "shuffling off of this mortal coil".  Moreover,
if you believe that humans are comprised of "spiritual" form as
well as physical form and that we were "created" for a purpose by a
supra-intelligence then "death" is merely a transition, or passing
into, another level of existence.  What "passes" is th "spirit/soul"
of the person.  This soul is released according to some beliefs to
find etenal and "heavenly" happiness with the supra-inteeligence/God.
Others, believe that the soul moves to another plane of reality
only to becoe corporeal again at another time in order to learn
the lessons of "human life" which will eventually purify the soul.
Tehn again, others do ont believe  the existence of "spirit".
They view death as the end of human life-nothing after.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     became aware of my own mortality and agonised for a long time about
the nature of being human.  Is this the only level of existence,
is there a God and are we here for a purpose?

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was 7 years old and my 5 year old sister's
	classmate died of bone cancer.  We were family friends and we had
	to view the body at the Undertakers.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how we take the life we have for granted.  Although we "know" that
one day we will die, the death of someone very close reminded us
all about how little time we have and that we must life according
to what is right for each of us.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that there are mant "truths" in life.  It is sheer folly and
arrogance to believe that one approach is the only approach.
Moreover, "pontification" about life with God is no substitute to
a grieving family.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I woke up to the limitations I had imposed upon my own life.
I had my "wake-up" call so to speak.  It served to remind me that
I need to make changes to myself and my life NOW-we never have as
much time as we beleive we have.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     The knowledge that I had a few really good friends and that I came
to realise that I am stronger than I ever though I was.  Finally,
I felt supported by the fact that I had done everything in my power
to ease my father's passing.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Believing that I would never see my father again; not knowing if
he knew how much I really loved him and that I had forgiven him.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Hold that person's hand-no matter what state of consciousness thy
happen to be in they know you are there.  Tell them you love them
and that it is all for them to go.
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     learned how precious he is to me and that he is still with me now-I
am a part of him.  I learned that I have experienced one of the
worst loses of life and I have survived and gained on strengh and
purpose as a result.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     wondering what he felt inside as he was degenerating ie what it
feels like to be dying.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     to do so is entirely normal.  My sister and I ended up rolling
on the floor with laughter 2 days before my father died-he had
developed cancer metasteses on the brain and was swearing at the
cat, my sister and I-this was completely out of character but it
provided an opportunity for us to release the "pressure valve" a bit.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     to go with him on his last trip to Ireland 2 months before he became
ill. He had asked me to go but I declined.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     defer my college course and nurse Dad at home. I am grateful that
I had the energy to attend to his every need every 20 minutes
of the day and night-existing on 2-3 hours of sleep most days.
Some days I had no sleep at all. I am also grateful that I have
acces to the internet as I found much of use at that time.  I am
especially grateful that my sister, mother and I pulled together
in a united effort to help him.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     ni the last hours of my father's death I decided to play his
favourite music on the CD player.  Although now blind and unable
to speak ,he turned his head towards the direction of the music
and seemd to smile.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Nothing.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see his photograph, see his favourite comedians on television,
remember how much he loved Christmas or when I re-live his last days.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     In that alternate reality, no-one would age or suffer from
age-related illnesses.  I would spend more time socialising with
my father.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     To date I have not though that way.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     know for certain that we will meet again in another life.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     wept at my loss. After 16 weeks nursing my father I thought that
I would feel drained - I just felt numb.  This lasted for a few
weeks. The subsequent months have passed with many moments of crying.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     most of the medical community dealt sensitively and tried to help.
However, they actually know less than they are prepared to admit
and often they do not LISTEN to the families.  They have a tendency
to think that there is only one way to do things: their way.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     N/A-Dad was nursed at home. We had the good fortune that both my
mother and siter are qualified, experienced nurses.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a lot to my mother -a particular evil to me.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I was brought up as a Catholic.  I do not subscribe to any organised
religion.  However, I veer more to the belief that we reincarnate.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     correct-it is as if we are all connected through the spirit form
of self and that the "body" is the only thing that"Dies".
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we had to wait an inordinate amount of time for probate-after his
death. However, we had many offers fro
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I try not to repress the pain-I cry as and when I feel like crying
for those I have lost.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Thoughts of the Afterlife 
     The worst aspect is the uncertainty about the afterlife/reincarnation
etc.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 25 14:49:02 1998
F19 Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  artnet.net

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Student
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	1)  The Seance 2) Out-of -Body Adventures
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	1)  Suzane Northrop with Kate McLoughlin 2) Rick Stack
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend,  3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;   Aged: 17.

--Details: 
     He lost control of the car.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     like passing on to another dimension.  Yes, it is painful and you
will never see that person again in life but what is also comforting
is that we are all going to die someday.  You cannot assure anyone
anything except for that.  We will all die some day.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was very hurt and depressed.  I still am it's just that now I have
hope that we will see eachother again.  But it was just a horrible
experience.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...there was a guy by the name of Chris who I
	liked very much or should I say I loved very much.  He lived kind
	of far from me, about 40 minutes away.  Anyway, we kept in touch
	for about 3 years; I would visit him, we'd write to eachother
	and we would talk on the phone.  Then my friends met his friends
	and they kept in touch.  Well, there were times that we wouldn't
	call eachother for a while.  On December 25th, 1995 my best friend
	decided to call Chris's friend to wish him a Merry Christmas.  It was
	then she found out that Gabriel was in the hospital as result of
	a fatal car accident where Chris and two other guys passed away
	on December 3rd, 1995. It all happened during the time that we
	lost touch for a while. I didn't even get to go to his funeral!
	I was just devastated.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     all the crying.  I felt helpless.  I cared for Chris so much. I
miss him dearly.

--What I think my (U.S.A) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that there is life after death and that it's going to be wonderful
when we die.  Death should not be feared.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that I pray to God a lot. He's my best friend and everything
that I ask for he gives me.  Ofcourse, I'm not rich or anything
because it's not right for you to ask for materialistic things.
But since Christopher's death I almost lost my brother to a
motorcycle accident.  But God, almighty gave my brother another
chance and I am very grateful for that.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     strongly believing in the Lord and knowing that there is an
afterlife.  No one was really supportive because everyone just didn't
know what to say.  Another thing that really helped me a lot is that
up till this day I keep in touch with Gabriel, one of Chris' best
friends and we reminisce about him.  I'ts also a little comforting
that Chris and his other best friend passed away at the same time.
So I know that he is not alone.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the thought that I can't see, hear or talk to him.  And that I will
never kiss him again and that I have no chances of being with him.
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I just thought it was funny how I had no business meeting him in
the first place.  How God put him in my path, and I created strong
feelings for him and then he took him away.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     keep in touch with him more.  To let him know that I really cared
for him and that I loved him.  He was the best thing that ever
happened to me.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     to see him more often than I thought.  There were times when it
seemed impossible for me to visit him for one reason or another.
But I always seemed to make it!  I never would have thought that
we would have kept in touch.  But we did.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I had a strange dream with Chris.  After his death I asked God to
let me see him just one more time.  But while I was still grieving
nothing happened.  About two months after, I started to calm down.
And I had a dream with him.  I dreamed that he was in my room and
that I was resting my head on his shoulder, just enjoying the moment.
Then my mom came in and told me to tell Chris that it was getting
late, and he should call his father so he can come pick Chris
up. I saw him in the living room with my dad, while my mom and
I were setting up the table so Chris could have dinner with us.
All of a sudden, me and Chris were in a factory, and in the middle
was a swirled shaped stairway made out of metal going up.  chris was
wearing a white robe.  Then he said to me,"I gotta go now."  and I
said "I want to come with you" and he kissed my cheek and said "
No, you stay here" and then I don't remember the rest... To me this
was his way of saying good-bye, to others, it may just be a dream.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I look at his pictures and start to talk about him.  Or when I see
someone who reminds me of him.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think I would be more happy.  If we were ment to be together we
probably would have been. If not, we would of still been friends.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that God put him in my path and took him away.  Why couldn't I have
just never met him.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die and be with him.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and cried.  I just lost hope. I thought "How could this happen!
Why Chris!  He was so young, full of life!  Why did you take him
away, God!"

--Religious Affiliation:
     I'm Catholic.
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     not attending the funeral.  I did not know about it.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't know of any.  I have seen many people who look like Chris
but I think it's just a coinsidence.  I wish he would try to contact
me though.  I want to know if I ever ment anything to him.  Or were
the letters just lies.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     No, but I wish that it did.
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I hope that he can tell me that it's okay for me to go on with
my life.  That he did care for me and that I did mean something
to him.  That he is still around me and that he'll be waiting for me.
This will help me deal with my feelings because I'll know that I have
someone who I deeply care about waiting for me on the other side.
and because I'll know that he's not laughing at me from the other
side thinking what a fool I am for caring so much for him.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I've had some dreams with Chris.  But on some, I can't seem to
remember what he said to me.  I just know that when I do dream of
him, it feels so good.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Like I've said before, I'd be happy because I would be reunited with
Chris.  but I'd be curious to know if my death would be painful.
And ofcourse, I'd be very sad because I wouldn't want to put my
family through that pain.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I've tried and tried to have an out of body experience.  I think
as soon as I can accomplish that, It will bring closure.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I observe life more throughly.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     I don't think his friend feels this way, but I feel close to his
best friend because he's all that was left that reminds me of Chris.
Besides Chris's Parents, but I don't know his parents personally.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     Knowing that there is an afterlife and that one day we will
meet again.  And that I could even have contact with him now!
I just have to learn more about it.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 
     it is still hard for me.  Especially looking at his pictures and
just remembering him.
 
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It always helps me to remember Chris.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 24 09:50:59 1998
F17 in Fort Collins, colorado =us=
Name: Amber Skye
Email: <alindblo-at-psd.k-12.co.us>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Front Range Community College
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt,  6 months ago.
Cause of Death: an anurism;   Aged: 36.

--Details: 
     She left behind three children who needed her, but her life was
too stressful and she didn't take care of herself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a chance to live again althought without the loved ones in this life

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     wanted to hold my breath forever, my heart hurt for her

--That first time, how it happened was
     I didn't know her well. I only met her on a few occations but she
	gave me wisdom. I could tell in just those few moments that my aunt
	was an angel who was needed in two places.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     holding my other aunt to comfort her and thinking of how much my
sister meant to me(I could never lose her)

--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     some of us are angels and are needed elsewhere

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     seeing my family in a different light, learning I was taking them
for granted

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My aunt and my sister
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing I could never hear her voice or speak to her again
  
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     angels are too precious to forget and to angelic to live on this
earth

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I heard of the pain her children where going through, they were
left with an abusive father and I felt helpless

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell her I love her again and remember her saying my name

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     see her the summer before because she enlightened me
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     There are others in heaven(Stephany) who needed her more.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 
     I thought I could have spent more time with her

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 23 18:44:46 1998
F in Caloundra, Queensland =Australia=
Name: Christy Brown
Email: <smc37-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
  Looking for suicide poems for english

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Student in high school
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     you may post it if you think that it is of use
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	don't know
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	don't know
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 6  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident;   Aged: 30-something.

--Details: 
     As I have already said above.  Van rolled and threw him out.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When your heart is no longer beating and your soul flies out up to
heaven to look down upon other people you think needs help.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was at school and mum and dad came and told me.  I had to stay over
night at school cause it was sorta like a camp thing and mum and
dad had to go to his funeral and comfort his wife so they weren't
there the night they told me.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I knew this person well.  He was supposed to
	come and see me play my grand final of netball but he didn't show up.
	He was on his way when the van rolled and threw him out of the van.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how the person who died did specific things.

--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     what happens to the souls

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it was an instant not painful death

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     photos, memories
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     disbelief
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell him I loved him

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     spend as much time as possible with him before he died
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I read the death notice and paper clippings that we kept

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     It would be great!

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why did he have to die so young

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     everyone who loved him was crying, male and female

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     wondering why he wasn't where he was meant to be

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     he visited his wife and she told him that he was scaring her by
being there so he left
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     i tried to slit my wrists because i wanted attention.  But then
i realised that the people around me do love me and they would
absolutely hate it if i died
 
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     he came to see his wife and she told him that he was scaring her
by being there so he left

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     none


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Music 

Enhancements: don't know
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 22 18:21:21 1998
Anonymous Guest  in ,  ==
... in ,  ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Colleague, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;   Aged: 58.

--Details: 
     He died in his sleep.  His wife thought he was dreaming...but he
was dying.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a mystery.  The body stops functionning. Some people say that our
essence (soul) leaves the body to go to a place of eternal peace
others say that the soul goes in limbo to prepare for another life.
We humans still don't know what really happens when we die.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't understand it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My 7 yrs old cousin died after an operation.  We were the same
	age..The funeral is a vivid memory.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the shock everyone felt.  The surprise.  The doubt.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not to be scared of it

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     knowing that Death will provide all the answers to life!
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     seeing others cry
  
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 21 20:48:20 1998
F17 in , PA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother,  1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: un-expexted emergency surgery from which he never recovered from;
Aged: 31.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     My brother had gone into the hospital with an extremely enlarged
spleen (the doctor did not know of the cause) and they knew there
was a high risk of him bleeding to death, however, they went along
with the surgery.  He went into a coma and remained comatose for
3 days and eventually his heart stopped.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     it did not really affect me, I was too young.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandmother, when I was around 4 years
	old or so, I don't really remember.  Only my father went to the
	funeral for it was held in another state.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that, for the first time in my life, I nearly collapsed from crying
at the funeral.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my mother.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     coming back to my home and trying to get back into my normal life
and how alone I felt and still sometimes do.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     have talked to my brother before he went into his surgery.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have gone to kentucky to at least see my brother one last time
before he died, even though he was in a coma.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the amount of people and the amount of gifts (flowers etc) that
were sent from businesses and people not only from the local town.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would tell him I loved him and thank him for taking care of me
when I was little.  I feel that I never got a chance to thank him
and that I feel I never expressed my gratitude toward him.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     I was extremely young when my first experience occurred.  For other
experiences, however, the distance from my home and the dead
relatives' homes led me to a complicated denial situation in which
since I was used to not really being around them, it did not feel
that they were gone.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 21 14:21:05 1998
Anonymous Guest 20 in austin, texas =usa=
F20 in austin, texas =usa=
Name: rachel
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student/neuropsychology
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Aged: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandmother (mother's mom) died of cancer.
	My mom wouldn't let me (six years old)see her in the hospital.
	My mom never talked about it much, I truly don't recall her crying.
	I always just thought my mom was really strong.  But now I think
	maybe I just didn't understand so I never really paid attention.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 
     I get really angry and then I just cry and cry until one day I
don't cry anymore.  After a while my tear ducts become tired and
my heart does as well.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 
     After crying a lot, when it came time to accept the death, I put
myself in the denial phase, where I almost forgot about it, I made
myself almost deny so much I supressed it and think about it only
on rare occassions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 20 16:54:39 1998
F17 in , Texas ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: High School student
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother,  4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: dehydration in a nursing home;   Aged: 87.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the cease of all bodily functions

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was shocked and didn't fully understand what had occurred

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my cousin was playing with a pistol and it
	went off and shot him in the stomach

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     deep sadness

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is a natural part of life.  One side of the ticket says
you are born, the other side says you die

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     knowing that it eases suffering
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I know they'll never be part of my life again
  
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 


Shall We Share Your Comments?:  Feel free to share
                Identify You?:  I didn't include any identity.
Fri Nov 20 16:54:39 1998
F17 [High School student
]; located in , Texas.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
From WebUser-at-Eugene.COM Thu Nov 26 15:51:58 1998
Date: Fri, 20 Nov 1998 10:34:56 -0800
From: WebUser-at-Eugene.COM
To: Bardo-at-Bardo.ORG
Subject: Guest: F45 in Clevelabd, Georgia

Remote Host: 168.31.77.43 (168.31.77.43)	

	/ Content / Topical / Speed / Org /
	/ C: Content: / T: Topical Interest | S: Speed of Delivery: / O: Organization /
Typically use Macintosh Power PC Netscape -??- to browse from Work.

				ShareComments?  May We Include...
				Show Identity?	Identify your comments?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 20 10:34:43 1998
F45 in Clevelabd, Georgia =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 71.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was mystified

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...death of my teacher

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the tears

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the sun shone brightly on a feb. day in illinois,

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     all of the above, and my involvement with horses,  and I also fell
in love shortly after my dad's death, now married to this man.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not having my father to talk to about everything, particularly
educational pursuits.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     don't be afraid to be there, be there as much as possible.
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     still quote my dad to my children and know that much of his wisdom
will get passed on through generations

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     my father was in so much pain that no amount of morphene could
sooth him.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with my dad.  spend more time with Dominick

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the sun was so bright on the day of my father's feb. funeral
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I still cry for the loss of my father at least once a week.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't think it would, except my husband would have had the
opportunity to know my dad, and they are very much alike.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     with my friend, Nick, Its just not fair that he was so young...and
it's just not fair that my husband just lost his only real friend.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     knew that my father was going to dy, and was glad to see him released
from the pain. However, a 30 year old friend of mine died last night
very unexpectedly, and I am still not able to understand this death.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     the medical community of nurses were compassionate and kind, the
doctors cold and insensitive with two exceptions.  My father's main
oncologist was an ASSHOLE, who was extremely cavalier, and we did
not allow him to treat my father during the last week of his life.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Hospice was a godsend.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     we are not a part of any organized religion
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I attend my husband's methodist church at times, but am not a member.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I don't know how I feel.  There are times when i feel this but it
is very hard to get to.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     money did not play much of a role in my father's death.  In my friend
Nick's death his quest for the almighty dollar may have killed him.
 
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the breathing of a dying person becomes so rattled,

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     the first year was very difficult, now I can laugh about my dad
and make fun of him without crying.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I don't really have many.  I do wish my father could have know my
husband and been at my wedding.  I also wish that he knew that he
was truly my hero in life.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I have heard my father's voice two times since his death.  Once i
was making the bed in my father's bedroom, and his ham radio room
was directly across the hall.  I distinctly heard my father call my
mother's name two times.  it was as if he were in the radio room and
needed my mother for some reason.  the second time i was asleep and
my father told me to wakeup or I would be late.  My father was an
expert at morse code, and two times my sister has heard morris code
being sent early in the morning while staying in my father's home.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     A dying person should have the right to have their life ended by
someone in the medical profession, so that this  death could end
the torture of pain, and save the dignity of the soul dying.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don 't want to die, nor do I want anyone i love to die.  i hate
this death thing.  I always joke that there are two cosmic mistakes
in the world,  work and death.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I plant something in my garden for each person or pet that I love
and lose.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     Talking to others who have been through the same thing, crying
with others,

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 19 21:24:56 1998
F18 in , NY =USA=
Email: <karacool-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  I was bored, and it was listed under yahoo stuff
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: a car;   Aged: 18.

--Details: 
     Dan died over Christmas break last year, his best friend was
driing, and they crashed.  It was devastating.  He was my partner
in English, and we ate lunch together sometimes, and played Connect
4 in study hall.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     usually veiwed as the END, the complete, total and utter end, no
questions asked, but suposedly, you go onto a better place.  For me,
death is like a rebirth, and I dont think that's stressed enough.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was baffled and confused.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My great-grandma Middy was in a nursing home, and I was abiout
	3 or 4, and one day, she died.  I don't remember it really well,
	but I handled things as well as one that young can, I think.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the pain, it was the first time anyone so close to me, anyone  my
age had died, and it made me feel so......mortal, and very afraid.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's rebirth, it's just the higher power's way of saying, let go,
this person needs to move on.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it helped me to see that I'm not invincible, it made me see the
FINALITY of ending this life-time.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking about it, to people that were close to the person that died.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I lost a great friend, and it pissed me off, because he had so much
good in him!  He was so young, and he could have been so much.
  
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     went on living, even though it didnt seem as though I could.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     after it was over, when I went back to class, and he wasnt there,
and I had to see his empty desk.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I was hysterical.  It was one of those things where, in a way, you
have to think, "thank goodness it wasnt me!"  And that scares you,
so you laugh.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ask him out on a date.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have the time with him that I did, and to learn from him.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I had to look at his desk, and see him not being there!  It leaves
this void, I felt like he wasn't finished with what he started: Life.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see books that remind me of him.  When things remind me of him,
when I see connect 4, stuff like that.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would be going to school with him, and I bet we would still talk
and be closer than we were.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he died!  He deserved to live, to make something great of
himself!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     tear out my hair.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed, for days, then, I talked.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing. Christianity became a joke for me.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I was born and raised Catholic, but we stopped going to church when
my parents got a divorce.  Now, I'm Wiccan.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     that you are born, you die, you are born again, you move on, forever,
your soul will go on, even though youre body did not.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     nothing.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     this girl was there, and she never even talked to Dan!  She had
nothing to do with him, whatsoever, and she went, with her mother,
and her minister!   It made me mad.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     watching his mother at the funeral.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     crying helped, talking was better.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I have none.
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 
     Crying helped, and talking ALOT about it helped also.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Keeping Busy 
     Because when I was busy, I was avoiding it.
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 19 15:24:44 1998
F18 in st cloud, mn =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: shooting;   Aged: 18.

--Details: 
     He was killed in the cross fire of a gang shooting

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when someone we love greatly leaves us until we meet again in the
after life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was in complete shock

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my parents friend killed himself.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the tears and saddness in everyone eyes.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that getting over it is harder for some people than others.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it brought so many people together-people who would not have been
together if not for the death.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the support that came from within while helping others deal.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     telling his son that his daddy was gone
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     You will always remember that persons last words and everything
about them if you are there when they need you the most.
 
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     used the grief too help others get through the grieving process.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Everyone else seemed to have forgotten about the person while I
was still grieving.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     When we were agrueing about what he should wear to be buried in!! I
laughed soo hard like it was that important.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Say good-bye

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be there for his son when no one else would help him understand.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     The caset was lowered I felt a very strong sigh of relife like yes
he's in a better place now! We can all relax
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Where he should be buried.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Everytime I see his son and realize that someday he will be exactly
like his daddy, I get so sad to think of this baby growing up
without his daddy! But now 5 years later I get teary eyed realizing
how well his son is doing.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't think I would be as strong as I am now! Plus I think his
son would be worse off with his dad here!

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     For him to leave me here!!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Just bring him back for a few hours to say I love him and good bye!
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried for two days straight

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Soo much! It helped us sooo much to live through the experience on a
"happy" note!!
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Everyone has lost someone close to them and that will always be a
sort of common ground we will always have.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we gave him the best funeral we could afford.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The celebration of my friends life that was going on! It was not
about death, we were there to remember his life!

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     The viewing of the body

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Music 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 19 06:46:50 1998
F19 in Wigan, Lancashire  =Great Britain=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: HND Computing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  6yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack;   Aged: 75.

--Details: 
     She passed very quickly and with relative pain, which was Ok but
didn' really help with the over all grief period

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     saying I'll see you later.  Losing someone you hold dear to you
and holding just memories...that sometimes is'nt enough.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     I was so very upset because It was the first experience of death
I had but I found myself being a tower of strength to my dad (his
mother passed).

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my Grandmother past away,  I was upset but
	I had to be strong for my Dad

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     My Boyfriend's Mother died 4 months ago and I was hysterical...but
now my boyfriend is still griefing and I don't understand why It
hurts him so much because my parents haven't passed yet,  I haven't
experienced it and finding it very difficult supporting him like
the way he is.

--What I think my (Great Britain) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Not to be afriad, it happens to us all, no matter how you pass it
is nothing to fear.  Its good saying this but it seems that people
have a very strong fear of death.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I had a sign from a friend how passed recently.  He was loved
by everyone and he is still very missed.  I had a group photo
which I lost, it was the only one I had with my passed friend on.
I was very sad because I miss placed it. Last week I entered
my house and the Photo was on my kitchen table, and as I picked
it up I had a huge sense of love and warmth that overwelmed me.
I like to think it was my dear friend telling me he was Ok.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Thoughts and memories of situations we were in, bad and good.
Nothing can take them away.  I still find myself laughing out
loud thinking about times when my passed friend made me laugh,
for example he once gave me a piggy back ride, drunk and we ended
up falling over. I couldn't stop laughing!!
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Never seeing them smile again, not being able to touch them, feel
them in your arms when cuddling them, only being able to talk to
a tombstone and not to their face.  Knowing that you can't see
them again.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I cannot comment, my friend died very suddenly in a motorbike
accident.
 
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     found passed memories that I had forgot, I value friendship more
than ever.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The actual shock you recieve when you first realise/told that your
loved one has passed.  I can never explain how that feels.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     There was no time really to laugh as we went to the point where
my friend died 5/6 times in a weekend, just to contemplate, work
out what happend to him (it wasn't nesessity...it was a  intense
strong need to find out, I don't really understand why)
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     The reason my friend was on the bike was because we planned a
camping trip and he wanted to travel up on the bikes...he had to
go for a spare part for his bike, he was on the way back with the
spare part  when he had the collision.  I wish sometimes that we
hadn't of planned the camping trip...maybe if we didn't, he would
still be with us today.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Property, how we had to sort out his belongings neatly and niceI
didn't understand why

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Just thinking how my loved one could pass as he is a motorbike
rider...it could happen so fast but it seems half the time that no
one cares.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Say somethings like how much I/we miss my friend...It would be the
best if we could just say that to his face once more.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried my eyes out like never before.  We visited the point where my
friend had the bike accident, the police had marked out every move
from where he came off the bike, where the car which he had the
collision was and where his bike stopped.  You could tell exactly
how he came off his bike, and where he died, there was a big pool
of blood...that really did upset me.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     horror...it took the ambelence a while to get get to him and then
after they got to him they let him die...
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing, it seems after having felt the loss like I have, I ahve
lost all respect and faith for religion...ie why would god take
away someone who meant so much to so many people.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I have lost all faith
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I would like to think that he was watching over us having a good
laugh at us and the mistakes we make! But I don't think that has
anything to do with religion.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     That, well yes we were grieving but over all everyone was thinking
of the good times, remebering him as he was.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Thank you it is good to talk about my friend...it is'nt very often
we talk about him, and sometimes wish that I could get some of the
anger out....the keyboard took the most of it!! :-)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 18 20:55:26 1998
F46 in Metairie, LA =Usa=
Name: San
Email: <s_intime-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  I simply typed "On Death and Dying"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     I love life...
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	On Death and Dying
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 67.

--Details: 
     I was at my fathers bedside when he died, I was amazed at how
similar it was to my aunts death not long before...I speak of the
fact that they both seemed to be living through some periods in
their lives... At no point did my father recognize me...he did
recognize his sister... On the other hand my aunt interacted with
me and was so glad to see me and was alarmed that her son who was
standing next to me would hurt me... I am still confused by the
way she reacted... He merely had his arm around my shoulder...
I loved both she and my father very much...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the spirit leaving the body... The body becomes an empty shell...

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Death in the real sense...which means viewed a body when it just
died,,, I lost all fear of death... I realized that there was
nothing there...

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I was told an Aunt that  my paternal
	grandmother had died... I felt a bit of sadness, but was a child
	playing at my maternal grandmother's home...a place that was a very
	safe place for me... I went back to play...It upset my grandmother
	very much..she slapped me for the first time in my life and told me
	that I had to shed some tears for my other grandmother... Needless
	to say I did shed tears...

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the look of peace that came over her face... The most recent death
to have a profound effect was that of my mother-in-law... She had
a very difficult time dying... Once she passed over... There was
nothing but a vision of peace in her face...

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Except for the loss of my dearest aunt(I could find no solace in
her dying) the thing I found a relief was that they were no longer
suffering... (Most of them died of Cancer)

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my own spiritual faith..
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not having them to talk to, or listen to me...I felt that I had
lost unconditional love...
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     It's often important to be there for them... My mother-in-law
wanted me or my husband there with her when she died... It seemed
that we were never never there for long enough periods for her to
die... I realized this and told my husband... I'm going to go sit
with your mother for the whole day...and you will stay with her
when I can't... Within 3 hours of my getting there she asked me
to walk her to the bed...she sat on the edge and combed her hair,
asked me to help make her comfortable... She lay down closed her
eyes and took two deep breaths and died... so easy...and such a
look of peace on her face....
 
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Came to accept her death... My grief was so overwhelming I could
barely function... By some strange quirk of fate my friends younger
sister moved two doors from my house...She had been living in
Lafayette for several years and I had not been in contact with
her... I was almost in shock when I found out my new neighbor was
going to be her and her family... I have always felt that is was
a gift from God...

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I began to hope the dying person would die... I loved most of the
people close to me deeply, and would have wanted to have them live
on forever...but I hated to see them suffer...I actually prayed
for my father's death...

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I remember only one thing that made me laugh when my friend
died...She was a beautiful woman...still very young when she
died...Still in her mid 30's... She always had a male following,
and when i realized who her pall bearers were I laughed thinking
"Well look at you, even in death you have them hanging all over
you." Knowing all the while she would have laughed about it too... It
made her feel close to me at that moment...
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I wish I had been with my friend when she died...I think if I had
I would have been able to accept it better...

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be with some of the people I loved when they died..
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     When people die...they seem to view their past life before they
die...
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Or when I look at old pictures, and realize all of the people
important to my  growth and developement are no long alive... I
often shed tears over that...

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I try to always think in a positive way... I think the grief helped
me grow into being a better person...so...I think I'm a better
person in spite of it!

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I certainly did have that feeling after two particular deaths...My
friend and my favorite aunt...

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to my dad, my aunt, and my friend...
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     went through so many stages of grief... From disblief to anger and
finally resignation...and acception...

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     most of my experiences were good..
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Any of the times I was involved with any social services, I felt
they were very caring people...and they brought me comfort...
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     not much, but... it did feel better having a religious service
though.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     that in passing the body is an empty shell... I feel that I have
been comforted by the spirits of the people that I have been with
when they left their bodies...
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     no issue here for me...
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     A closeness of family and friends...

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     kissing the dead body...

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     when a person stops eating..

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     It wasn't until I let myself feel the pain of loss that I was able
to move on...
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     As I stated before...this is the most extrodiary thing I experienced
about death... To watch and listed to a person dying...
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I might want to say to my aunt...Thanks for the gift of my
mother... As long as my aunt was alive I looked to her for mother's
love... Since her death... I have found what a precious mother
I have...

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I think it's important to have a written Living Will...

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I hope when my time comes I will be in a good spiritual state...

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     I certainly did realize this when my friends sister moved next door
to me... We became very good friends...

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I try to remember that it is something I have no control over...


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Abandonment 
     When my favorite aunt died I felt abandoned

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I thought it was a good way to work through Deth Issues..

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 18 20:52:39 1998
F46 in Metairie, LA =Usa=
Name: San
Email: <s_intime-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  I simply typed "On Death and Dying"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     I love life...
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	On Death and Dying
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 67.

--Details: 
     I was at my fathers bedside when he died, I was amazed at how
similar it was to my aunts death not long before...I speak of the
fact that they both seemed to be living through some periods in
their lives... At no point did my father recognize me...he did
recognize his sister... On the other hand my aunt interacted with
me and was so glad to see me and was alarmed that her son who was
standing next to me would hurt me... I am still confused by the
way she reacted... He merely had his arm around my shoulder...
I loved both she and my father very much...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the spirit leaving the body... The body becomes an empty shell...

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Death in the real sense...which means viewed a body when it just
died,,, I lost all fear of death... I realized that there was
nothing there...

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I was told an Aunt that  my paternal
	grandmother had died... I felt a bit of sadness, but was a child
	playing at my maternal grandmother's home...a place that was a very
	safe place for me... I went back to play...It upset my grandmother
	very much..she slapped me for the first time in my life and told me
	that I had to shed some tears for my other grandmother... Needless
	to say I did shed tears...

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the look of peace that came over her face... The most recent death
to have a profound effect was that of my mother-in-law... She had
a very difficult time dying... Once she passed over... There was
nothing but a vision of peace in her face...

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Except for the loss of my dearest aunt(I could find no solace in
her dying) the thing I found a relief was that they were no longer
suffering... (Most of them died of Cancer)

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my own spiritual faith..
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not having them to talk to, or listen to me...I felt that I had
lost unconditional love...
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     It's often important to be there for them... My mother-in-law
wanted me or my husband there with her when she died... It seemed
that we were never never there for long enough periods for her to
die... I realized this and told my husband... I'm going to go sit
with your mother for the whole day...and you will stay with her
when I can't... Within 3 hours of my getting there she asked me
to walk her to the bed...she sat on the edge and combed her hair,
asked me to help make her comfortable... She lay down closed her
eyes and took two deep breaths and died... so easy...and such a
look of peace on her face....
 
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Came to accept her death... My grief was so overwhelming I could
barely function... By some strange quirk of fate my friends younger
sister moved two doors from my house...She had been living in
Lafayette for several years and I had not been in contact with
her... I was almost in shock when I found out my new neighbor was
going to be her and her family... I have always felt that is was
a gift from God...

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I began to hope the dying person would die... I loved most of the
people close to me deeply, and would have wanted to have them live
on forever...but I hated to see them suffer...I actually prayed
for my father's death...

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I remember only one thing that made me laugh when my friend
died...She was a beautiful woman...still very young when she
died...Still in her mid 30's... She always had a male following,
and when i realized who her pall bearers were I laughed thinking
"Well look at you, even in death you have them hanging all over
you." Knowing all the while she would have laughed about it too... It
made her feel close to me at that moment...
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I wish I had been with my friend when she died...I think if I had
I would have been able to accept it better...

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be with some of the people I loved when they died..
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     When people die...they seem to view their past life before they
die...
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Or when I look at old pictures, and realize all of the people
important to my  growth and developement are no long alive... I
often shed tears over that...

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I try to always think in a positive way... I think the grief helped
me grow into being a better person...so...I think I'm a better
person in spite of it!

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I certainly did have that feeling after two particular deaths...My
friend and my favorite aunt...

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to my dad, my aunt, and my friend...
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     went through so many stages of grief... From disblief to anger and
finally resignation...and acception...

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     most of my experiences were good..
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Any of the times I was involved with any social services, I felt
they were very caring people...and they brought me comfort...
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     not much, but... it did feel better having a religious service
though.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     that in passing the body is an empty shell... I feel that I have
been comforted by the spirits of the people that I have been with
when they left their bodies...
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     no issue here for me...
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     A closeness of family and friends...

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     kissing the dead body...

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     when a person stops eating..

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     It wasn't until I let myself feel the pain of loss that I was able
to move on...
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     As I stated before...this is the most extrodiary thing I experienced
about death... To watch and listed to a person dying...
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I might want to say to my aunt...Thanks for the gift of my
mother... As long as my aunt was alive I looked to her for mother's
love... Since her death... I have found what a precious mother
I have...

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I think it's important to have a written Living Will...

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I hope when my time comes I will be in a good spiritual state...

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     I certainly did realize this when my friends sister moved next door
to me... We became very good friends...

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I try to remember that it is something I have no control over...


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Abandonment 
     When my favorite aunt died I felt abandoned
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I thought it was a good way to work through Deth Issues..

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 17 17:37:47 1998
F20 in Watervliet, New York =usa=
Name: Nikol
Email: <theprincess-at-usaserve.net>
   Web: http://members.tripod.com/~Princess_SunDancer/index/index.html
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: head of billing dept. general Securities
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  12yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 38.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a stop between lives

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     closed myself up inside

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my mum died of cancer

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     thinking it was my fault

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     reincarnation

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     notta damned thing

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     therapy
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not knowing things about her that most take for granted
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     msking them smile helps lots
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     numb myself

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i blamed myself

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     nope, not me
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     know her better

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     no answer here
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     notta thing
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     that her death somehow effected my childhood before she died

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     everything

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i dont wanna know

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that i didnt know her well

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     live my past life over
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     freaked out

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they sucked....coulda done better
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     what hospice?
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     pine away forever, heh.....not me
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     i was roman catholic then, now i am Universalist...belief in ALL
religions, common or not
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     she has been reborn, but we';ll meet again
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     everyone wanted her money but me, i got dumped with it now its war
amongst the family members sheesh
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     all the mafia ppl there

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the realization that its going to be me next

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the cancer forming, which it will soon

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     deny it, then freak out, then go numb, then freak out cause youre
next, then go numb
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     notta thing
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     nope
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     nothing can help me bond with her like i didnt

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     didnt get that way

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     my mum visits mu aunt in her dreams to have her watch over me....so
it seems her new body is using powers to do this :)

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     ill be back ina few days as someone else....look for me

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     im next....its obvious

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     self numbing

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     i am numb most of the time

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     nope

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     trying to numb myself


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     i help ppl all the time. having a horrid life has given me the
ability to be a guide for ppl


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     i think this stuff all the time, but now someone else will know

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 17 01:39:30 1998
F37 in DeSoto, KS =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;   Aged: 38.

--Details: 
     My brother was serving in Italy as a member of the Air Force,part
of the no-flight zone over Bosnia. He was killed in a car accident
before we had declared our presence therefore it was not considered
to be in the line of duty. Even though he was on duty, and in a
military vehicle.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to relate it to myself.  Later when my grandmother
died, I felt for my mother and her loss, but really felt no
connection of my own.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a neighbor was mowing on a lawn tractor
	when it overturned,pinning him in a puddle and he drowned. I was
	5 at the time,and was able to cope with it because my father only
	had a push mower, therefore it could never happen to my family.
	Childish reasoning, but it worked.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     A total lack of control over life. My brother was one of the most
vibrant, lovable people I had ever known and for him to die,was
unbelievable. To this day I still forget he is gone at times, and
have to remind myself that he will not be coming home on leave. The
red tape that we had to go through to bring my brother home, has
left me with a deep feeling of resentment towards my government
and complete disbelief in their concern for anyone.

--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     no one is immune.  Make your peace with those around you and let
them know you love and treasure them.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the presence of so many people at my brother's funeral.  One in
particular, a high school history teacher who hadn't seen or heard
from my brother in 20 years.  When he was in school Clay was a bit
of troublemaker, ornery,but Mr. Ventura came to let us all know
what a loss he felt, after 20 years, for this troublesome student,
who brought down his wrath during class time, but brought a smile
to his face when alone. To know that my loss was shared by someone
so unexepected, brought some comfort, and gave more meaning to an
already meaningful life.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     previous experiences with death.  Knowing that this to shall pass.
The pain, while quite sharp and real right now, will dull, and while
the hole will always be left behind it will grow smaller and less
jagged around the edges.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the feeling of utter helplessness. I couldn't look at my mother
without feeling so small and childlike, and knowing there was
nothing I could do to help her or alleviate her pain was one of
the worst feelings I have ever had.
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it's good for the soul. My brother was there for me when my own
child died, and we spent an entire day reminiscing and laughing. If
you can't laugh in the face of adversity you might as well quit
living. Laughter through tears is a very bitter emotion, but it is
very healing.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     let my brother know what an important factor he was in my life.
He was aware that I loved him and looked up to him, but I would have
liked for him to know that I considered him to be more than family,
I would have picked him for a friend.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     my children fight with each other, I want to tell them "Stop, don't
be left with bitter memories, treasure your brother, make the best
of the time you have together." I find myself reliving childhood
games and quarrels that I shared with my brother and that's when
I get teary-eyed.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     My brother had remarried shortly before his death. He and his wife
were expecting their first child together.  For me that is the
unfairness, this little boy will never know the wonderful person
his father was except through other peoples' memories. That is so
unfair, it breaks my heart.

--Religious Affiliation:
     none
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     Money was not an issue. My brother's family was well provided for
by the military and insurance. That was all the rest of cared about,
we were concerned that his widow and children would be able to make
it, and thanks to forethought on the part of my brother, they have.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the elegance and majesty of a full military funeral.  I felt as
though my brother received the respect in death that we all should
receive simply for being human beings.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     After the birth of my brother's son, I had a dream in which my
brother,holding my dead child in his arms, came to me. He waved
from a distance, smiled, said "He's a beaut, take care of him for
me" and walked away whistling. I felt some peace in knowing that
my brother was looking down on his new child and trusted me, us,
to take care of him and let him know who his father was. In return
I knew that my brother was now with my son and would watch over him
for me. I can't think of a better person to have entrusted my child
to and I have convinced myself that it was all part of God's plan.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     My husband and I watched his father die a long, lingering death,
that experience changed my husband's views on extreme measures and
he now agrees with me, that there is a time to let go. We had had
arguments before about what I wanted and he would tell me that I
wouldn't be in a position to make decisions and he would do whatever
could be done to keep me alive.  Now he sees the futility of that,
and willingly agrees to let go when the time comes and has asked
me to do the same.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have lost two brothers, both were 38 at the time of their
deaths. While I am well aware that everyone must die I am not
looking forward to my 38th year of life. I have changed several
of my physical habits in hopes of warding off death that year, and
once I turn 39 I'm sure I'll be back to my old myself.  Meanwhile I
am spending my 37th year preparing myself for the possibility and
taking care of financial and emotional matters. I haven't confided
this to anyone because I know it's completely irrational, but,
just in case. I have written instructions for the arrangements, to
save my husband the heartache, I have been working on my childrens'
self-reliance and I have taken out more insurance. I'm sure I will
feel foolish later on, but right now I am prepared. I'm not afraid
to die, I believe I will be reunited with all those who went before
me, but I am concerned for my children, my husband, my mother and
other family members.  I have been letting people know I love them
and how important they are to me, so they will have those words of
reassurance to live with, just in case I do die. Crazy, huh?

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 
     When my father died I was 16, and felt very angry with him.  There
were alot of unresolved conflicts between us and I felt abandoned
and angry and guilty for feeling that way.  When my child died,
SIDS, I felt an extreme loss and hoped for death myself.  I also
felt anger but it was directed towards God, women with healthy
babies, babies, just the world in general, for not stopping, and
recognizing what I felt was a loss to all mankind.
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     Shortly after my child died, an acquaintance lost a child to
stillbirth. By reaching out to her I was able to releive some of
my own pain. We felt a common bond and helped each other along,
long after others were saying get on with your lives.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was good for me. I could almost feel my brother looking over
my shoulder and saying "Geez, Trace, just a little hokey aren't
we?" He can still make me laugh. I really am looking forward to my
death, not that I want it to come any time soon, but when it does,
I'll go willingly.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 17 00:07:48 1998
Anonymous Guest 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a neighbor was mowing on a lawn tractor
	when it overturned,pinning him in a puddle and he drowned. I was
	5 at the time,and was able to cope with it because my father only
	had a push mower, therefore it could never happen to my family.
	Childish reasoning, but it worked.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 
     When my father died I was 16, and felt very angry with him.  There
were alot of unresolved conflicts between us and I felt abandoned
and angry and guilty for feeling that way.  When my child died,
SIDS, I felt an extreme loss and hoped for death myself.  I also
felt anger but it was directed towards God, women with healthy
babies, babies, just the world in general, for not stopping, and
recognizing what I felt was a loss to all mankind.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 16 15:55:20 1998
F28 in Costa Mesa, CA. =USA=
Email: <Big_Turtlehead-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Electronics
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 9 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 21.

--Details: 
     He shot himself in front of me the night I broke up with him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of a relationship which you are unable to finish, see them
again, or touch in any way ever again. Finality.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Became numb, angry, confused, scared, untrusting, bitter, GUILTY,
sad, and ALONE.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  I broke up with a fiance' of 3 years who
	beat me severely. He walked into my bedroom that night, looked
	at me and said he loved me and hoped I was happy, and then shot
	himself in the head.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     No one knew what to say, so they didn't say anything at all. I was
dropped by everyone I knew. I was alone. If they didn't blame me
because I broke up with him (mostly his family), they avoided me
for sheer lack of knowing what to say.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     The victims are sometimes more than just the deceased. In suicide,
people need to learn to put the blame where it belongs, with the
one who pulled the trigger.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     He always said, he would kill me before he ever let me go. I am
still alive and I was able to become a mommy.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Getting Sober and finding another solution to my problems. I found
out that that my choices got me into the mess, so in whole I would
say that self-knowledge, self-searching, and soul-searching got me
on my way to recovery, and changed the choices I made for the future.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The guilt and anger of not having any closure. No one to take
responsibility for his actions. And the shame of hating someone
who was dead but feeling sorry for him at the same time.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     In any situation OTHER than mine, I would say- listen, love, and
tell them everything you don't want to be sad you didn't get to
share with them while they are still alive.
 
--[My Ex-'s] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Was not the blame. Was not the problem, and most important- WAS
NOT A SOLUTION to HIS problems.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was trying to figure out if it was a big joke or not. My mind
couldn't accept that what I was watching was real.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I must've been crazy. I laughed that it wasn't/ couldn't be real.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Walk away the first time things got crazy. Realize that Love is
not obsession, and obsession is NOT love.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Live through the whole ordeal.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     December rolls around.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     If we were still together. I would be black and blue, or just plain
blue. Dead.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     How could he do such a thing? How come he didn't take me with him
after all? What was he thinking?

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Forget it all.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Emotionally withdrew from life.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Belief that there is a GOD>
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     We were of different faiths. It was never a topic.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     He was a very wealthy rich boy, he left me all of his money from
his inherited trust fund. I didn't want a cent. I left the money
for his little brothers.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     People suck.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     The dreams right afterwards, of him being there and speaking to me,
showing me the bullet wound (which I never got to see until the
night of the funeral) which was exact to my dreams. His apology's
in the dreams. The reallness.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I think there are alot of unresolved issues. But the price for
bringing them back up and ressurecting them is too high to pay. I'd
rather live in life today, not in death.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would expect or like him to just say to his family that HE is
responsible, not me. I want him to say HE is sorry for all of the
pain he has caused me, and for making me carry the burden of his
death on my shoulders. Sorry for the pain which causes me to be
afraid to BOND with other people. Sorry for the insanity.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     He came to me in a dream right before the funeral, told me he only
had a little bit of time and couldn't stay long. He said he was
sorry and we spoke for a while. I was under a tree with him (which
turned out to be the tree he was buried under) and he showed me
the wound. It was a small calibur gun, so the wound wasn't horribly
grotesque. There was a hole, with bruises, I asked him if that small
of a hole killed him? He said yes. The next day at the funeral, I was
alone with him, pulled the covering over his head back and the wound
was exact to how he showed me in the dream. I still don't know if the
dream was "real" per se, but definately something that shocked me.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I just want people to know that I love them, and feel that I brought
beauty to their life. My wishes for my family is not to have any
pain over my death, but only focus on the good times. I would hope
that they would always be taken care of and have a healthy outlook
on their future.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     God is the only one who has control over that. I faced death and was
on a life support machine during the birth of my last child. Life
is precious, and in the end, the only thing you can take with you
is the love of others. In other words, nothing matters, but that
you brought as much love and happiness into the world and the ones
around you as you were capable of.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I surf. With every wave, there is a new beginning. I sometimes
write my fears, my pain, my prayers in the sand. And when a wave
comes and washes them away, they are no longer my business- but
now are in God's hands.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     I drank severely after it happened. I now have recovery and solution
in life.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I use my experience to show others that they can survive horrible
experiences and not have to self destruct because of their pain.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was very uncomfortable, but I'm hoping you'll use the information
to help those that need an understanding of what they are going
through. So it was worth it.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I think it would be a good idea to touch on the feelings of
guilt. Alot of human relationships encounter pain and resentment,
how do people deal with the times which weren't so good in their
memories- now that the people are gone. They love them, and forgive
them because they're dead, but what about unresolved fights,
disagreements? How do they feel about those?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 16 10:22:46 1998
M26 in San Diego, Caifornia ==
Name: Lance Crow
Email: <LgCrow-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo.com  search contests

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Data Entry
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     Let me know how to deal with death and yes you can post
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	none
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	none
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend,  1 day ago.
Cause of Death: drowning ;   Aged: 26.

--Details: 
     He was swiming in the ocean with two boys and a rip tide started
pulling the boys under he held them above water until rescue crew
come but they could get him. I hadn't seen him since High school
and I didn't know he was here in  San Diego until I saw the report
on the news while eating dinner, It really shook me up. I'm still
trying to cope and I don't know why.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The inner dimension the the body going to a higher plain or dimension
and leaving the body like a shell on the earthly dimension.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     have not experienced someone first hand, but I did go to my
Granmother funeral when I was five and I was shook up after seeing
her lifeless body in the coffin

--That first time, how it happened was
     Grandma died of old age and I went to the viewing at age 5 I still
	remember looking at her in the coffin

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     deninal at first

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to deal with it

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     nothing

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     unknown
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the whole thing
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     N/A
 
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     don't know

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     everything

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i just laughed
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     stop it

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     N/A
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     N/A
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     I don't know

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about the old times

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't know

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     to go so young

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     scream
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cryed

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     n/a
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     n/a
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Morman
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     death comes when we don't want it to
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     n/a
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     n/a

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the feelings

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     n/a

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     n/a
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     n/a
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     n/a
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     we didn't see each other more often

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I don't know

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     n/a

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     n/a

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i hope I go quick and never know it happened

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     denial

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     no

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     no

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Avoiding Everything 
     I try to avoid funerals if at all possible I don't even want to go
to mine


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 
     I just keep remembering seeing my grandma in the coffin
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     n/a


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     nothing

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I just can not deal with death well I guess I don't want to

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 16 00:49:48 1998
F20 in Montreal, Quebec =Canada=
Email: <synergy-at-microtec.net>
   Web: http://WWW.members.tripod.com/~SyNeRgY_5/index.htm
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Go Ask Alice.
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Anonymous
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide;   Aged: 21.

--Details: 
     Loss of the will to live causing drug use and depression eventually
leading to suicide.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Passing on to an eternal life that is not of this earth, leading
to a spiritual life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     could'nt understand why but when it finally came to me why, I was
in complete disbellief and denial.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was four years old and my grandmother, who
	I was very close to died from old age. I did'nt really underestand
	the concept of death but knew she had gone to heaven.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Guilt. Feeling hopeless wishing I could have prevented that death. I
also remember vividly the state my boyfriend was in when I discoverd
the body. I could never forget how that looked.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Giving up drugs and dealing with life one day at a time and slowly
overcoming obstacles. Talking about it with friends and mourning
with them,
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Finding the body of my deceased boyfriend and then having to identify
the body at the city morgue.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     being a good listener.
 
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     dealt with the pain of losing someone and finally accepting the
death.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     called to advise all people close to me and the deceased and made
them aware of his passing

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 15 19:34:26 1998
M40 in London,  =UK=
Name: dave
Email: <reflect001-at-stejonda.demon.co.uk>
   Web: http://www.stejonda.demon.co.uk/
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Google  search on [death father poetry]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Psychiatric Nurse
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	And When did you last see your Father?
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Blake Morrison
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 hours ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure following total kidney failure following his total
inaction over his symptoms of an enlarged prostate.;   Aged: 72 years.

--Details: 
     He was in hospital. He died late in the evening. I am writing
this at 02:45. Over the last week he had been fading away; had
been effectively unconscious for the last 3 days. I sat with him
(just him and me) for a couple of hours during the last afternoon
of his life, watching/listening to his breathing. I had been quite
distressed before this sitting with him (?vigil) but I found the
experience very comforting, strengthening.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Death is a natural part of life. Death concentrates our minds on
finding meaning in our lives. To be frank, there doesn't really
seem to be a meaning to life at all.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I ran like
hell!!! That's not true of course - the first time (see above)
I coped admirably. I realised that I could not just get on the
'phone to my father and tell him his mother had died, that I had
to tell my mother so that she could break the news. So, at the age
of ?8 years I held it all together for the sake of others because
some bastard adult dumped on me! 

--That first time, how it happened was
     paternal grandmother who I saw twice a week died suddenly; her
	neighbour rang asked if mum or dad were there, when I replied that
	they were not the neighbour told me bluntly "Granny has died". I
	was alone in the house and had to go off in search of my mother!

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Thinking now of this most recent death, when I remember how this
death affected me and those around me, the thing I remember most
vividly is: Right now it's made me feel quite calm. My mother and
sib's seem to have been tearful as if the death was unexpected. I've
certainly been brittle over the last few days and abrupt with my
son and wife though. :( I feel I no longer want to waste time with
crap anymore.

--What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     I sometimes think about the culture I was born into and how it
deals with Death. One thing I'm certain this culture better needs
to learn about Death is: How natural it is. How peaceful it can be
at the end. How it shouldn't be hidden away.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Even though Death may seem as though it has no gifts, one thing I
recall which happened and for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing really - sorry.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Talking to my wife about my options in dealing with events; I had
been this way with her as her parents died. I had also anticipated
events and had read quite widely about death.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Trying to be sensitive to the needs of other members of my family
and allow for their insensitivities.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Just that - to be there and to respect their wishes. The last time
I was with my father when he was conscious, he asked everyone to
leave just as I arrived. I had travelled quite a way to be there
just to see him for all of 30 seconds. I kissed him, and he said he
was sorry to turn me away and that he appreciated me having come. I
have a good memory of that visit.
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was able to be so calm and acepting of the process.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     1. the doctors were ambiguous about the prognosis 2. when my father
had a lot of colour in his face only 6 hours before he died and it
seemed as if he could go on for ages.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it's OK to laugh.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to him more. He'd hinted, (I think with hindsight), that he
wanted to talk about his life about 6 months ago. I just never
took up the offer.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     I am just SO thankful that I was able to: be there for him at the
end and that I was able to spend those hours with him alone, (without
the distraction of other members of family), just him and me!
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     -

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I have no belief system about any form of higher being or
afterlife. Religion will provide the ritual framework for the
initial grieving and public recognition that his life has ended.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Past: Quaker (Religious Society of Friends) Present: ?soto zen
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     contrived.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     there was no national health service funding for treatment that
could have prolonged his life
 
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the breathing gets shallower and irregular; the peripheral parts
of the body go blue; the person just shrinks and fades away

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I'm glad I was there and that I didn't shy away. I did what I
wanted in my own way, (though I struggled against the judgements
of my family, (some no doubt internalised!)).
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     nothing
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     Right now, I fel at peace. (3 and a half hours and counting)

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I want my 11 year old son to have me around for a bit longer yet! At
other times, and unrelated to the current situation, I have often
felt suicidal and so have contemplated my death quite often. It's
like a friend at times.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I just try to see it as a natural part of life - without an ending,
life would seem even more pointless than it is.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I was the messenger who passed around the news that my father was
dying. I believe I did that with good sensitivity to the hearers'
needs. I wish my nearest family had been around for me more than
they were - they seemed tied up in their own lives and priorities
in the last 24 hours. I had to be asserive to get myself heard
(not with total success either). :(

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I'm grateful to you for producing it. It's been good to work through
it tonight.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     not now, maybe later... :)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 15 14:58:34 1998
F15 in bella Vista, AR =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;   Aged: 71.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a transition into a new life.The body dies and the essence is then
brought to a new plane of being where they will never die again

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt as if a part of me left. I couldn't understand how it had
happened. One minute he was there and the next he was being lowered
into the ground

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a close friend of the family slit his own
	throat when I was six. He was like a second father to me.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The rage of being abandoned and the feeling that I may have had
something to do with it. I know I didn't but that feeling stayed
with me for a vey long time

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's not evil. People teach their children to never speek of death
or dying. Without death we would run out of food and other essential
products of nature

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     all the memories we shared and that he is in a better place. One
with out wars and pain.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being able to cry
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     gone forever and that I would never see him again
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say how much I loved him

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i don't really think it would change anything except that the family
would probably laugh more

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     hit something
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     mentally shut down

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing . I am not what you would call church going
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Christian
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would probably go and have the time of my life or I would try
any and everything to try and stop it from happening in a slow and
painfull matter(shoot myself)

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I started to write poert and short stories

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Abandonment 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I realized death is a good thing,within reason,

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 15 14:25:34 1998
F17 in Vancouver, BC =CANADA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: undergraduate student (Bachelor of Human Kinetics)
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Aged: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandfather had a heart attack in front
	of my eyes

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    People's Stories, etc. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 15 14:15:41 1998
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog,  10 years ago.
Cause of Death: hit by car.;   Aged: 1.

--Details: 
       The only death where I was saddened and hurt by a passing.
I cried in my room for some time, the resolved never to cry again,
regardless.  through the passing of my mothers parents and my dads
father (among others) I didn't.  Guess I  just stoped caring
in general.  *Except for a relationship, witch is a different
questionare.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Death is the effect of mortality.  DNA errors, accidents, and
other factors cumulate over the years, pending the strength of
the indavidual's body and mental health, they will live for only
a certain amount of time.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
       I was bored, but concerned for my family.  They were hurt,
I could tell, even if I wasn't.

--That first time, how it happened was
     Great, Great Grand mother on my father's side, whom made for  my
	brother and I, the baby blankets that our parents cherish.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
       My dad's father died of cancer, he still isn't fully over
it, has not visable wept over the incident.  I remember most,
when dad's father was laying in bed, he seemed to realize what was
happening, and said, "Oh shit."

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
       Death is not the end for everyone.  It is only the end of one
  person's life.  Cherish their memories, smile for their
effect in/on your life, and move on with your own life.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
       Realizing how stupid a child I was.  I grew up alot after an
  erant remark slipped out my mouth.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
        I did not need support.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
       Knowing that it was my fault.  Pets need to be watched and cared
  for.. not left to their own devices.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
       Tell them that they were right.  Dont dreg up past that they need
  to regret, focus on the good they did.
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
       When it comes time to dispers the goods of those who have passed
  on, do not be so crass as to say, "what do I get?"

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
        Each time, I wonderd why I didn't care, and it mattered so much
   to everyone else.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
       I never laugh.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
       If I had enjoyed the time with my great great grand father alittle
  more.. fishing was never my thing, but it was together time for
  he and I.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
       Know my time is comming.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
        My brother was present when my dad's father died (the first
   time) he never spoke of it to me.  I found his feelings on the
   issue.. strange.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
       The fact that the person was dead.  Death should be a time of
  celebration, of lifting up the golden memories of the one who
  has passed, not of morbid saddness.  Or something.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
       I don't cry.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
        If my grandparents were still alive, I would spend more time
   with my dad's father, learning woodworking.  They both love to
   work with wood, make nice things.  I'd focus more on being with
   G.G.Grandfather, and less on not enjoying fishing.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
       it is fair.  Life is what we make of it, if we do not make it, then
  it is -still- fair.  It gives to us what we look and strive for.
  If we do not try, the its fair in not giving to us what we feel
  we want.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
       The deaths of family do not make my life difficult.  Relationships
  do.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
       said, "so?"

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
        The medical community is evil.  They treat people rather than cure
   them in order to leech ever last dime a person or family may have,
   then they turn the away with nothing but paper clothes on.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
       The medical community is evil.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
       Little to nothing.  It still doesn't.  My belief is my own,
  and no church will agree with me, so to forget them.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
       It would take more room to describe, than you have megs on your
  computer.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
        Uncertain.  the human spirit is found in the heart.. does it
   end when the heart no longer beats?
 
--Regarding MONEY:
       5000$ Is what it costs to bury a loved one these days, 3200$
  for cremation w/ service (they still burn a coffin).  After the
  hospital leeched its wallets full, it was hard to be able to give
  the passed a decent burial.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
       Not everyone was crying..

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
        the mourning... like i said, it should be a celebration of
   someones life, not focusing on the end.. but reliving the good
   so that everyone can feel as though the departed can still be
   a part of their life.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
       Creases in the lobe of an ear, gaining too much weight, being
  unable to keep proper posture, muscles tremmor.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
       They did good.  They did good things with their life,
they were happy.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
       I saw my mom's mother looking in on me (when she was not there)
  the night she was hit by a drunken driver.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
       I could have done more, but if they were happy knowing me as I
  was, I am content.  I could ask my parents how they felt of me
  (and have).

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
       I saw my mom's mother looking in on me (when she was not there)
  the night she was hit by a drunken driver.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
       I moved on.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
       Nothing really changed, just fewer people in my life.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     It didn't stop me, just changed how things are.  I did not cry.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    People's Stories, etc. 
     Everyone else was very broken up, I felt guilty not caring.
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 15 12:46:53 1998
F35 in ,  =Israel=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  yahoo.com psychology/tests

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: programmer
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     probably you see me as a freak, from my responces, but I am a
normal (mostly :-) person, living with my boyfriend for a few 
years, I just passionately love animals and quite indifferent to
humans. it pains me also to see things like dead lizards,  people
cutting trees, but this is another story...
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 1.5 yr ago.
Cause of Death: lack of care.;   Aged: 3 month?.

--Details: 
     he was brought to my balcony by an unknown cat, and left there, I
hoped I could raise him but I didn't feed him properly, I didn't
know he needs special milk and special way of feeding, when we
took him to the vet it was too late

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when we stop to exist and everything finishes for us, but noone
really knows if it is true

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't care

--That first time, how it happened was
     it was my grandfather.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the day before, when I held him in my hands and he was almost cold
and barely meowed and I felt that it is all over and I didn't eat
all the day, like sort of repentance 

--What I think my (Israel) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is natural way of life and not a disaster

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that the best intentions are not everything, they must be combined
with knowledge to achieve your purpose and never be ashamed to
ask questions if you are not sure about something I mean, he
died because of my incompetence, it was all my fault (even that
small kittens often die without mothers but with me, he never had
a chance)

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     that my cat (who run away for a few days, just when the kitten was
brought to me) returned back and started to feel very confident
about being outside, and soon she also got pregnant
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that it was my fault
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     no I did not
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     hell, I had to call the vet immediately, or look up the kitten
care in the Internet, or whatever, and I did not move a finger,
I thought that it is so trivial that I will not have any problems.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     get over it and be a normal person and not starting to cry at the
sight of any kitten
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I'm crying now, while filling the form. No surprize. I regret ever
starting with this form, but on the other hand maybe the awareness
will help me in some way. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     he would have played with my cat, they could have been friends,
and it is so much more fun to have two cats than one

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that such an innocent and small creature would die, while he wanted
so little and he could have enjoyed his life so much

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     return back in time and fix it
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I hate everything organized, especially religion
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     strong tendency to Wicca
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I would really love to know that he is happy on the Other Side. I
would have given a lot for that.
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     no, it would be horrible, unless he could say that he is going to
Other World and he is going to be happy there

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     hey, just now (last 2-3 weeks) I got acquanted with a cat on the
street who is really extraordinary in her attitude towards me, and
I am considering the possibility that she is a reincarnation of
someone who had known me. Sometimes I feel she kind of hypnotizes
me, and I can't force myself to go away from her. But she doesn't
want to follow me home (and I guess it is better for her...)

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     it is much easier to die myself than to see someone else dying. And
I'll be extremely curious if the life after death exists.  I just
do not want to lose my mind before dying.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I didn't eat (couldn't and didn't want) and it made me feel a
little better, like as I said, repentance.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     maybe my cat became more dear to me

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     I didn't know he died, was told he went away or something.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it was a painful experience but I guess it was necessary, otherwise
I would have quitted. I thought that I've forgotten it, but now I see
that this pain is still inside my mind and possibly it is affecting
me and I must resolve it in some way and get rid of this burden.  

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 14 14:07:50 1998
F51 in Bigfork, Montana =usa=
Email: <cvl-at-digisys.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: studying to be LPC
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	On Death & Dying
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Elizabeth Kubler Ross
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  2 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 77.

--Details: 
     Misdiagnosed cancer.....doctors said she was depressed
only...later found she was full of cancer....gave her 3 to 6
months to live.  Operated/chemotherapy/reocurring cancer in other
organs/pain/suffering/death.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a spiritual experience....can be positive or negative

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt very sad.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was 2 yrs. old and my favorite dog was run
	over by a truck.  I remember crying and feeling like I had lost my
	best friend.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the loving kindness of the Christian doctors who told me that my
mom only had a few months to live. They prayed for me and my mom.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     less dramatic means when a terminal illness is the prognosis.death

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     death was an excape for my mother's pain, for which I am grateful
for.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my faith in Jesus Christ.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the finality that I would not be able to spend time or talk with
my mom anymore.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     pray for the person.
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was able to be my mother's caregiver for 9 months while she was
dying.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     A week before her death.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     laughter MUST be an important part in attending to someone who is
terminally ill.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I would have encouraged my mom not to have chemotherapy if we coud
go thru this again.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     cope with going to College, raising my 4 kids, working, and taking
care of my terminally ill mother......by myself.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my mother began giving away her personal treasures before she died.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     funeral arrangments.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear a certain song on the radio.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would just dream that my mom could come back and live with out
the pain of reality.  I am happier that she is in Heaven with the
Lord and that she is safe and at peace.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     because the doctors missed the cancer and her life was shortened
between 10 and 20 years because of it.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     call her on the phone......:)
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried alot.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     gratefulness, except for the oncologist.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     hospice helped us the last 30 days.....they were wonderful...I
couldn't have made it without them.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     My pastor and Christian friends helped me tremendously thru cards,
letters, and prayers.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I am a born-again Christian......
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     We all have a soul.........in death our souls are either with God
eternally or  separated eternally.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     she had very little money and it made things alot easier, plus I
was an only child so I didn't have to fight with my siblings about
anything and my father preceded my mother in death.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I was emotionally unable to attend the funeral....it was in another
state and her two brothers handled everything.  She had prepaid
for her funeral.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I felt like I wanted to go along with her.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Hospice was very good about all that and did prepare me for each
step in the death march.....they were very close on all the stages.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I would and still do feel sorry for myself.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I think my mother's father visited her in dreams before she died.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     n/a
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     All issues were resolved before her death.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I don't know

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     no visits.....

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     this reminds me that I need a will

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I think I would get ready and do all the right things......

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     sitting with my mom and holding her hand like she used to hold mine
when I was a little girl

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I try to live one day at a time better........we never know when
our time is up here on earth.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     no, in fact, my best friend who was with me the whole time that
my mom was dying moved a month later.....this was very devastating
after a 3-yr. relationship.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     didn't see him be buried.
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I think all my friends did the best they could at the time.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     good

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I think it is just right.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 14 11:49:36 1998
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Email Message ]
  my sister stumbled on ya when she was surfing and sent me a message
to check ya out
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	bible
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	paul
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance,  yrs14 ago.
Cause of Death: siucide;   Aged: 14.

--Details: 
     didn't make any sense just out of the blue kinda thing

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     lose of an individual to our daily rituals

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was expecting it and the family support made it easy to deal with

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...grandfather 90 years old died of pretty
	normal reason

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the confusion it left us

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it's o.k to grieve and let people know how you are feeling

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     friendships can be made stronger through it

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my faith in Jesus Christ
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing how it was hurting those around me
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     listen closely to waht they say
 
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     realized that sometimes you have to let people grieve for loved
ones the way the can and ultamitaley have to

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i realized this is ... forever.. it such a unfothamable concept
sometimes

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     from what i understsnd that's human psychology and perfectely natural
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk more opening with the people involved with the suicide one
and with his family

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     put my faith in God
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the person most effected helps out others around them
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the way the person most close was able to cope

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     something comes very close to the same experience for someone else

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     can't say that i've thought bout that much

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     they knew so much and had so much to offer

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     join them
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     openesss toward what's going on . they tend to be a bit sceintic
though and that can be hard when you're going through this
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     not my church persay but my faith is what alows me to expect htese
things and not go crazy with grief
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     roman catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     warm
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     didn't get to involving we were able to deal with as it came
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     one pastor at my sister's husbands funeral prodded the attendies
for information on the deceased to use in his sermon

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     my overwhelming desire to protect my sister

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     prophect like words from some one who's going to die

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     i realize how different it is for everyone and i had to reconize that
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     i have feeling of how could he do that to my sister and will deal
with them myself as things come

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     never heard him say he loved her that would ease my mind a lot

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     my grandmotherr saw our grandfather sitting on his favorite
couch smiling at her after he had died she felt very soothed
by this. my mother saw her still born boy out the window of her
hospital room... it was a beautifal day out and there was a brook
nearby and her baby was old enought o walk yet she knew who he was
and he was walking with her father who never turned to look back
at her her boy did look back and ask,"are you coming mommy?"

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     letting you loved ones know that they are loved and cared for

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     don't want the resposibility of knowing things like that my own
death does not frieghten me though been close too many times

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     i know where their going or at least where i believe them to be
going and , hey it's a lot better there

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Rage 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     went from one experience to the next the questions were a bit
unspecifeic toward one event but very interesting to answer

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 13 18:07:20 1998
F18 in Mt. Angel, Oregon =USA=
Name: Patricia Decock
Email: <macpatty-at-hotmail.com>
   Web: http://WWW.expage.com/page/macpatty
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: College Student
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     I go to the University of Portland in Portland, Oregon.  I would
like it to be posted.
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 11 months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;   Aged: 17.

--Details: 
     She was on a family vacation in Mexico over Christmas break during
our senior year in high school, and a hit and run driver hit the
side of her van causing massive head injuries.  She went to the
hospital and was in a coma for about a week before she died the
day after Christmas.  Before she left, she felt bad about the trip
and didn't want to go because she was afraid her plane would crash.
She made everyone promise that her organs would be donated if she
died.  Her body was flown back to the US and her organs were donated.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The ending of the physical body and the passing of the eternal soul
into a better life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was not too effected by it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... it was both of my grandma's in one week when
	I was about 10.  One died of a heart attack and the other died of
	a stroke.  I wasn't really too close to either of them so it didn't
	effect me too much.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Me and my friends getting together and remembering everything about
Katie, laughing and crying.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it's not a bad thing for the person who dies.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That I became closer to my other friends, and even made some new
friends, one of which is now my best friend.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My faith in God.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not having her to talk to about everything.
  
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Talked to my other friends about it and did not try to be alone
all the time.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Right when I heard she died.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I was remembering the good times with Katie and how she's in
Heaven now.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell her how much she meant to me.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Talk with and support my friends.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     When we got to sign the casket at the funeral.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     That I didn't see her right before she died.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I have a bad day or something and I just really want to talk to her.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think we would still be best friends and things would be about
the same.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that she had to die so young, she had her whole life planned and
waiting out in front of her.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     wondered why God decided to take her so soon.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Thankfulness that they tried valiantly to save her life and that
they respected her wishes and donated her organs.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Knowing that she is in Heaven and completely happy and without
worries now.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I don't know.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     It wasn't really an issue, because her family was pretty well off.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     That it was a really nice funeral with the perfect music and how
so many people were there to say goodbye to her.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Wondering why some people who weren't that close to her were so
affected by her death.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     No thoughts.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     None.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I didn't have any.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     None.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I don't have any unresolved issues.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would say I miss you and I love you, but I know you're happy now
and I can't wait until I can join you in Heaven.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I have a dream about her at least once a week where she's alive
again and it was all a mistake, but in these dreams she's always
really happy and I think that's a sign from her.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I want my family and friends to know that I want my organs to be
donated like Katie's were, to help others.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'm not worried about death at all.  I don't think I will die soon,
but if I did I know God would take care of me.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Just talking about it with my friends.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Not really.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     Yes, very much so.  My best friend now was not my friend before Katie
died (in fact, we hated each other), but Katie and him were friends.
So talking about Katie brought us to be friends and I think Katie
intervened in that.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I helped one of her other friend's get through it just by talking
and helping her realize that Katie is happy now.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was a good experience for me just expressing my feelings again
and getting it out.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     If you are not a religious person, how did you cope with the death?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 13 10:39:50 1998
F28 in ,  =Australia=
Name: Summer
Email: <summer__-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Unemploied
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer;   Aged: 69.

--Details: 
     My Uncle had cancer of the blood and was told that he only had 2
years maximum at the very best to live however it was some 6 years
before he actually died..... He was an absolute trooper to the very
end and an inspiration to us all.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a transitional phase between our dimension and that of the spirt
world

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was sad to see them go but was aware that something better was
instore for them and that thier death was a part of the greater
scheam of things

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My Great Uncle had a heartattack and I was
	with my grandmother when she got the call that he had been found
	in his bed dead and could she come home to help

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the wonderful life that this soul led and the positive influences
that he had on those left behind

--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is only a transitional phase in our life and that nothing
happens without a reason... even though that reason can sometimes
be hard to see

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when my dog(my baby) died it was some time before I could see the
big picture...3 months later I wound up being a live in nanny for two
young girls (aged 6 & 7) who's mother had died the year before. If my
dog was still alive I would not have had the opertunity to be there
for those two little girls who desperatly needed to feel love and
security. (thier father was an alcoholic who would be drunk by the
time they returned from school and he would passout on the lounge
shortly there after)

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     from an early age I have seen ghosts and occasoinally even now I come
across them in my life. This is something that I find to be truly
inspirational as I do not doubt that there is life after death.
So I may go foward in the knowledge that life is not the be-all
and end-all in our existance but a step foward in the evolution of
the soul.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Watching them go through pain and suffering which was hightened by
their concern for the emotional wellbeing of their loved-ones. They
did not wish to be a burden in life or death.
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     when the life of an innocent was taken. Sometimes people die before
they are really given the chance to live this never seems fair but
I'm sure there is a reason that is beond my comprehesion... but I
guess God knows

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     see them one more time to say goodbye for now

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     we discuse the great times we all had together and how much we miss
having them around on a day-to-day basis

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     Things would be drasticly changed and the impact that their life
has made on others wouldn't exist in the same way as is does at
this time and therefore their death would have been in vain.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that a new life should end before it has had a chance to begin

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt a profound sense of personal loss which was entirely selfish
in nature as I would love for them to be here and share happy times
again. But I also was aware that it was thier time to move on and
while a lifetime for us as humans may seem like an eternity on a
spiritual level it is a mere blink of an eye. One day I'm sure that
our paths shall cross again

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     The medical community did their utmost for both the deceased and
thier family in an effort to reduce the amount of truma involed
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Christian and a firm believer of the spirit within.... sometimes
refered to as spiritualism
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     to be a fairly accurate belife. On this earth people communicate
by way of language both verbal and visual... But in spirit we
communicate through love and emotions and the energies that radiate
from within
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we wanted to ensure that thier tribute (funeral) was an accurate
reflection of their life
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the amount of love and support for oneanother and the fact that they
did the deceased proud.  My Uncle requested that there was to be
no crying and that we should all laugh sing and clap and remember
all the fun we had had.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     that huge bus that could hit you at any time..... Live to get the
most out of each day and life in general as you never know when
your number will come up

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     dont waste too much time living in the past as you may get stuck
there and lose sight of your future and all the wonderful things
that are yet to come for you
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Let it come quick and cause as little pain as possable to those I
leave behind

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     Having parents who were open to the so called supernatural to
some extent...

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Very long winded and involved and if this plays up when I send it I
may get annoied with the internet and not bother to fill it out again

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 13 00:40:20 1998
M20 in albuquerque, nm =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: college student, Computer Science major
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	no
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	no
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;   Aged: 16.

--Details: 
     8 months after his father commited suicide, a friend/acquaintance
(I don't know how to refer to him because we were becoming friends
at the time he died...If he were still alive today, I feel that we'd
be closer now than we were when he died) of mine was on the highway
with his sister and mother and a family friend.  Their vehicle
rolled over killing all occupants inside.  I'm pretty close now
with some of his other friends.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The final stage of life.  Nothing happens after that.  No soul,
no resurrection, no afterlife.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Was expecting it would happen since he was sick and old.  I wasn't
too shocked by the news.  It was still a sad experience though.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my great grandfather died from lung cancer
	when I was about 10 or so.  He lived across the street from me for
	quite a number of years.  I didn't know that much about him since
	he kept to himself most of the time and wasn't too fond of me as
	I was a hyperactive child at that time of my life who frequently
	broke things every time I went over there to visit.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The events surrounding the news.  As I said, I had been getting
closer (as friends) to this individual at the time it happened.
I can remember best the weather that day.  It was quite cool for
a July afternoon.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That there's nothing after it.  That's the end of the line.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That my great grandfater didn't have to suffer too much.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     quietly thinking about it.  I also do like to talk about it with
others who were close to the deceased.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     thinking about it happening for days and days after it has already
happened.
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the story played on the local news.  Although I knew it had happened,
I still could not accept that it had.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I never have done that.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Become better friends before he'd died.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be his friend somewhat since he was an outcast in our high school
since he was so intelligent.
 
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     It really isn't fair to die at the age of 16 in a car wreck.
It's not fair that his father killed himself.  It's really not fair
for the brother/son of this family to have his entire family killed
in less than a year.  But what is fair...

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     quietly thought about it for a few days.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing at all.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I was raised a catholic, but I'm an athiest now.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     nothing transcends death.
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     I was really not too attached to him.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 12 19:12:24 1998
F31 in a small one, pop 6000ish, Alabama =USA=
Name: Annie Nonymous
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  Oddly, I was doing a search on my own name, and this appeared in
the search list.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Small business owner
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	anything by James van Praagh
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	James van Praagh
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister,  4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accident;   Aged: 16.

--Details: 
     It wasn't just hers, but all those who died after... and then the
focus started on the whole thing. Two important parts of my support
net died at almost the same time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when our physical bodies stop functioning.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't understand much of what was going on, but, I knew I HAD to
be a part of it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My paternal Grandmother died. At first I
	was being "protected" from it all by my parents, but, I had this
	strange compunction to participate in the wake and funeral.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     is the utter disbelief that God didn't take me first. I had spent a
good part of my life wanting to die. And I was sick. It just didn't
make any LOGICAL sense at all.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that we shouldn't waste so much of our lives avoiding what we
feel. We should be freer to be ourselves instead of trying to push
each person into some ridiculous mold of our conjuring.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that God, in his infinite wisdom, allowed me to experience this in
order to begin to change the silly ideas about him that I had. And
as a result of that, gave me more than I had ever possessed, myself
and himself.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my friends, who helped me stumble around in it all.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not getting a damned phone call anymore. I just can't fucking
talk to her anymore.. and I still can't stand it. I can't have
the relationship I once had. It's ridiculous, I can't change a
thing, and I wouldn't, and I have more now than I ever had, but,
I still can't talk to her.. And I still think that I would give it
up just to be able to spend a few hours talking to her. Which makes
me ashamed. Thank You for this question, I just learned something
about myself.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     don't ever be afraid to say, "Are you afraid to die?" The gates of
conversation just flow and there is nothing quite like two human
beings, being humans BEing.
 
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     bitched and screamed and fought with God about it. How I cursed
him and wanted to beat him up and fought with him so hard that I
finally saw how he orchestrated the whole thing to serve so many
purposes that it couldn't have happened any other way. That one
death serves his purpose, and his will is to do ANYTHING that will
get your attention and get you to shed away the layers of bullshit
we all surround ourselves with till what is left is real. By the
way my friends, curse and curse often. He really was listening.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I went back to work, in a jumble all confused and tired and so
pitiful, just before I got REALLY angry.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     only after the funeral did I laugh. Actually, it was Uncle Sonny's
fault, he was telling us about his Granddaddy, who got carsick
easily. He was a full blooded Indian. They would travel between
Oklahoma and Texas, going to the old family homeplace. They would
load up the back of the old beat up truck with a straight backed
chair and turn him going forward, so he wouldn't get sick, and ride
120 miles to Texas. To hear him descibe this was the funniest thing
I had heard. An Old Indian man sitting in a straight back chair
all the way to Texas.. trying not to get carsick. it was edgy,
nervous laughter for me, but, I think it is the same kind you are
talking about here...
 
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     make her laugh the last time I saw her.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     different little, personal tributes were left at her grave in the
days following her death.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     the issue of the "hardest part for me to deal with", type
things... when I think about what is hard to handle now.. it's gets
the waterworks going and the emotion in a big way.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would still be stumbling around in the dark and unable to express
myself or to try to understand myself. It seems so selfish to me
that I have gotten so much personally from this, yet, my mother is
basically destroyed.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that it took this to get me to listen..

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     hear the phone ring and pick it up and it be her, saying, I just
have a little time....
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     threw out all the so-called rules, what you can and can't say,
what you can and can't do.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     my personal experience stemmed from my work in the Medical Community,
and from that, I had this strangely honest approach to her death. And
a kinship with each patient I saw die and each person I helped bring
back, knowing the whole time that no matter what, if we did CPR,
if we didn't, it was ALL God's will.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     from my experience, some are better than others, as a part of my
training, a man from Hospice came and talked to us about the stages
of grief. His honest and caring approach founded my belief in the
same. His talk, helped me to deal with my patients and myself. The
honesty of it all is what really struck me. When Stephanie died, I
became the most honest person with myself I had ever been. Suddenly,
all this bullshit, I had surrounded myself with was gone, and I
knew instinctively that I wouldn't make it if I didn't get down
and dirty with what I feel. I had just been diagnosed with cancer
10 months earlier.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     pointlessness.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     past confused Baptist, questioning, but not asking the REAL questions
that matter. Now, it's the REAL thing. I am simply unable to explain
or give it a label.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     maybe like a form of mysticisim in itself. Maybe it's just the fact
that we all will die alone. And somehow, it is like the bravest
thing we must all do. Not brave in how we are till the end, just
he fact that for a moment, we all must be alone, perhaps it's more
like the idea of reincarnation. But, that seems too easy an answer
to this for me.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it was nice that my parents seemed to have the foresight to get a
good insurance policy on us both. They have had it for years. It
was nice to go to the funeral home and show the owner the policy
and hear him say, with tears in his eyes. Don't worry about this
at all, this is more than enough to cover everything, lets go pick
out something that will help you and lets get to work dealing with
this. Cheryl and I hugged our kids this morning and thanked God
that we have not had this same tradegy happen to us. (A side note,
this may sound like a crock of bull to anyone else, but, you would
have to know Wayne for it to make sense. Alot of ppl like to point
their fingers at him, but, we have known him all our lives and I
have helped him at many a car wreck, I have watched him deal with
familys with a genuine form of caring all his own. He has been
the County Coroner for years. He was always a straight shooter,
he truly didn't give a damn about our money, and we aren't rich by
any stretch, he was truly glad his own kids were still with him. I
am glad for him too.)
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how many ppl came. The estimate for both of them was around 2000 at
the wake, and around 1200 at both funerals. My sister was killed with
her best friend, the wakes were held together, the funerals seperate.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the Sunday morning after the funeral on Saturday. I just went nuts
by myself for a little while there. I simply could not stop from
screaming for some reason.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     this wasn't a problem in her case, what was difficult on a physical
level was the obvious head trauma she had. The wake and the funeral
were closed to the public. But, we were able to physically see them
both privately before the wake. It was a very difficult thing to
see her broken body.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I do not know if Stephie had any of these before she died, although
we do think now that she had foreknowledge that she was going to
die. I have had patients who experienced this and were able to
tell me about it. I take it as a certain sign that death is indeed
near. I must admit that I get a feeling of comfort from this. It
is a truly sweet thing. :)
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I had a young male patient this happened to. Rather, he had pre-death
hallucinations. But, from my conversation with him after, he hinted
that he saw something more. He wouldn't tell me everything. But,
he was a new man after it. When he came back, after we successfully
coded him, he grabbed my hand and wouldn't let me go. His eyes I will
NEVER forget. I talked to him and calmed him down. He told me the
next day how important that had been. I have often wondered if this
was my sole reason for exsisting. Maybe, but, probably not. But,
it is still the most incredible thing I had ever witnessed. Last
time I saw him, he was at home with his wife and daughter. They
were all happy. I feel lucky to have been a part of that.
 
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     This did happen to me. About 3 and half months after Stephie died,
I had been given a puppy. Her name is Snowball. I always felt that
somehow, Stephanie had a hand in that. I was cooking dinner one
evening and Snowball, just a baby, started barking furiously at
my front door. I couldn't see anything, but, felt a presence walk
in. Snowball, barking the entire time, at the top of her lungs,
began backing up toward me, as if something were driving her, that
she could see. Snowball jumped into my arms and I felt Stephanie
behind me. I got a bit scared and asked her to go. I wasn't sure
what was going on and I was still a bit confused.  My sister met
a boy who was the love of her life. He was sweet and gentle and
really loved her. I had leaned on him as a support in the months
after. Alan's living situation wasn't great and he was struggling
just to make it. But, he was there for me, and on my insistance,
he called often. (Collect, which was fine, I needed to talk to
somebody.) Alan was great. One year and 10 days after Stephie died,
Alan was killed just 30 miles from where my Grandmother lived in the
north part of our state, we lived in the south. I was devestated. I
didn't find out about Alan til the night AFTER he had died. However,
the night of the car wreck, at 1am, I had awakened from a sound sleep
needed to go to the bathroom. Something that NEVER happened. I got up
and made my way, did my business and came out. By the headboard of
my bed was a shadowy figure. It was a male, and he had very broad
shoulders. The bottom half of his body was difficult to see. I
was a bit shocked because I was nude at the time. Keep in mind, I
had no idea Alan was gone. I couldn't explain it, but, I had this
distinct sense that this figure was there to fulfill some sort of
responsibility. That was confusing to me. I shooed it away and tried
to go back to sleep. The next evening, I got the phone call that
Alan had died and that his friend and mine, Danny was in critical
condition. I fell apart. I then realized it was Alan in my room,
and he had seen me nude, which must have been a shock for him! After
the funeral, a close friend of Stephanie's and I were talking about
it. She was close to Alan and Danny too. I was telling her about
this and we got to giggling about Alan seeing me in my birthday
suit. I don't know, maybe it's wishful thinking on my part. But,
I would love to know if Alan laughed at me... I hope we can get a
chance to giggle about this when I die.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I hope it is quick now more than ever. Stephanie's and Alan's was,
and I can REALLY see the blessing in that. Something I had just
taken for granted before. I hope that I can get to the end of my
life with very few regrets. And I think that if I am still the same
on the inside, as I am now, that I will be able to say Wow, what
a beautiful planet we all lived on. And, Wow, we did a whole bunch
of cool shit, and had alot of fun, and did what we all had to do.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I can't really say that I have closure yet, although this is REALLY
helping me. But, I did go through this werid creative phase after,
where I went to Wal mart, bought craft stuff impulsively and made
things for her grave with it. I have never experienced anything
like it since.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     If you have read everything I've written, I have been answering
this through almost the whole questionaire.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     One really strange one. I know a guy whose father died 1 year and
3 months after my sister. We had known each other previously when
I lived in the same town he did, and still does. I bumped into him
accidently at a bar one night when I was back visiting. We spent
the night talking. I don't know that we solved anything, we both
had more questions than answers, but, something happened for us
both that night. He was able to get the first decent sleep he had
had for 3 months and I am not sure that I understand what I got
out of it. But, I have this desire to see him again. We did solve
some unfinished business between us. (there was no sex involved,
and I am very aware of how it comes across.... but, we didn't, I
swear!) I just can't describe what it did for me. I know that I felt
both better and worse. I just can't put it into words I'm afraid.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    The Death Vigil 
     The whole process of the funeral.. and the way my family copes..


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Passage of Time 
     also, zoning out and a lack of awareness..
 
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I am glad I did this.. I have a serious case of glue-butt till it's
done, so I'm not going anywhere till it is.. I have used it as a
tool, unmercifully, btw, to understand some aspects of this entire,
innundating situation in my life that I hadn't learned before. I
think the questions are well written and open ended, and if you
give it some thought, almost everybody should get something out of
it. Those who don't, aren't willing to do the work of healing. I
pity them.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 12 17:24:31 1998
F17 in carbondale, Colorado ==
Name: Susie
Email: <susie_q99-at-yaho.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: High school
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  3 munths ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide;   Aged: 45.

--Details: 
     My dad has been termanly ill for 6 years and slowly dying.It's been
hard on my living in and out of hospitals but I became very close to
my dad.I'm 17 and a senoir this year and it happend Augest 12,1998.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Very
hard,painful,confuseing,numbing,disbelife,sad,depressed,mad,uncatroble
feelings & thouhts,

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was to litte to know what happend

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was..I came home and dad found my dad.He killed
	himself  and this was 3 mounths ago.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Not being able to say goodbye and how much my mom has falen apart.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I know my dad is out of pain and looking down on me.He is with God
and he will always be with me in my heart.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My friends being with me every step of the way
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     How much I miss my dad and how the kids at school are so differnt
to me
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Say what you to tell them cause you'll never have that change agin
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 12 15:46:26 1998
M21 in Woodhaven , Michigan =USA =
Name: Jerry 
Email: <mr_oranage-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Help desk analyst
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Bible
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure;   Aged: 6?.

--Details: 
     he had heart disease for years

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     For us it is the stopping of our body functions and the end of our
cognizance at least in the physical life, for some, my self inculded,
it is a release from the physical realm into the spiritual realm

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     I cried for the loss, rejoice for the release of pain

--That first time, how it happened was
     When I was about eight or nine my great grandma died, in most
	cases nine year olds aren't very close to their great-grandparents,
	but I was

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how it made the family closer

--What I think my (USA ) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is not to be embraced, but it is not something to run from,
you still can face the reality of it with letting it negativally
effect you

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the realization that life is short and we only have a small amount
of time to do what ever it is we need to do while alive

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My faith in God, in things to come, my belief it is all for a reason
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the loss of good times, and the loss of what seemed to be bad times,
the regrets of what could have been, the regrets of what should
have been
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     don't treat them like they are on their deathbed, treat them like
you always have, show them your love, and listen always listen
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     remembered

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     It is hard losing somebody, after a time the shock makes you numb,
that combined with the lack of sleep and stress brings you to a
point where if you don't laugh you would probably snap
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     to spend more time with that person

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     share the time I did with my family
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     around christmas, it seems that is the only time that my family is
all together, and my grandfather is no longer there

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     understood the loss and how important he was and still is to me,
to never forget his memory

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 11 20:20:07 1998
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... Actually my pet rat died.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     believing there was a god

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 11 20:02:11 1998
M22 in Ann Arbor, Michigan =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 17 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;   Aged: 65.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     loss

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     sadness

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     funeral service

--Religious Affiliation:
     Christian
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the courtesy of the funeral director

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am excited because when I go I will meet Jesus

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 11 18:37:09 1998
F36 in ,  =portugal=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 58.

--Details: 
     he died in my arms

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a journey to the unknown

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried

--That first time, how it happened was
     school friend in an accident

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the peacefulness of death

--What I think my (portugal) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     dealing with the ones who live and are directly affected by
someone's death

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     how it changed my way of being with others

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     going to the cemetery abd staying there a while
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not having the person there anymore
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     making them comfortable
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     changed my way of facing life

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the burial

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     everything was so peaceful
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see other people going through the same experience

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     life would be much better

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     my father can't be taken away from me

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     go back in time
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     as terrible as losing the person
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     catholic
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I was to focused on death to really remember what went on around me

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     he did seem to know he was going to die at that time
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I have had one of those experiences in a near fatal accident,
my whole life just flashed before my eyes in a few seconds time
 
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I did dream a lot of a my loved one in the first weeks after
his death

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would feel anger but I would accept it naturally

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     going to the cemetery

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 10 09:55:14 1998
F21 in ,  =USA=
   Web: http://members.tripod.com/~drk47/index.html
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Political Science Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 74.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     passing on to a new life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was fascinated

--That first time, how it happened was
     a dead rabbit, killed by the dogs.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how fast she went downhill towards the end, especially mentally

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     There's nothing to be afraid of, if you accept Jesus Chrst as your
Lord and Saviour you can live forever.  Acts 16:31 Believe in the
Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I get to meet Jesus someday

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My Church and Beliefs
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Watching the pain and deterioration
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Knowing that they are saved is the most important factor. Family
is the second.
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Can't wait to get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be,
when we all see Jesus, I'll sing and shout in victory!!

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     no confusion... Why would there be?

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Dying is not a sad thing if you know the loved one has been saved.
It is a time for rejoicing where you know the loved one has met
his/her Maker!  Sure, you'll miss them, but since you'll see them
again someday, they are in a better place.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     No regrets at all.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Know that my grandmother is now celebrating in Heaven with my God.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     ??
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     That death is terrible!  Its really not!  Man is born, and man
will die.  There's nothing so horrible about it!  God ordained both
life and death.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Course I miss her, but again, its okay, becasue when I get to heaven,
I'll see her again.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I wouldn't do that.  I know my grandma is already in a better place,
I don't have to imagine it.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     no, of course its fair.  Everyone has to go sometime!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Not diffucult!!
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Not unreal... everyone dies sometime.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     very supportive, they gave her the best that they could, and tried
to help ease her pain.  It was all we could ask.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Again, they were very supportive.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Everything.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Baptist
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I don't understand the question.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     not an issue
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the family was together.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     nothing weird.  Perfect natural and normal part of life.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     depends on the disease.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     If you Lean on the Lord, he will comfort.  Jesus is my Rock and
my Salvation.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     nothing of the sort.  Sounds kind've new ageish to me.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     The Lord Jesus Christ

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     no dreaming here...

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     bunch of baloney!

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Personally, I didn't like the fact that people try to hide the
fact that the other person is dying from them.  When a person asks
'How much time do I have left?" and loved ones answer, "What are
you taking about, you'll be here next year," etc. etc." Is baloney.
If it were me, I'd want to know exactly how much time I have left,
to say goodbyes until I next see you, etc.  Ethically, its a
tough issue.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'm not afraid of death, its just a part of life.  Because I have
accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I know I am heading
to a better place after I physically die.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Again, lean on Jesus

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Some were repetetive... ; )

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 10 01:08:04 1998
M45 in , California =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Love that will not die(about loosing parents); How to survive the
loss of a Love
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Stephen Levine!!!
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS (suicide);   Aged: 34.

--Details: 
     My friend died of AIDS....he had dropped out of sight for two years
and I was informed by a letter from his sister.  It sucked.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     something we scare our children with because we are beleive ourselves
to be separate beings instead being completely inter-related to
everything else.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't know how I was supposed to react -- it was my grandfather
and I was 14 and I was scared it might happen to me and I couldn't
figure out what I was supposed to do.  I was also very shocked to
find out that no one outside of my immediate family seemed to care
about it at all.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was hospitalized for an eye operation at
	16 months age, contracted dysentary and almost died a day later.
	Since this happened pre-linguistic, I cannot describe what happened
	or my reaction.  My next experience was at 14 when my favorite
	grandfather died.  I remember being scared and wondering what was
	going on...

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Receiving the notice of my friends death by mail and just how
shocked and angry I was...and how alone I felt...

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it needs to accept that DEATH HAPPENS....instead of running
away from it....and to learn to truly live life instead of trying
to hide from Death

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Between my own NDE and the many death's I experienced as a teenager
(my parents and grandparents were gone by the time I was 22) and
this latest death, I have fully realized the line from the Gnostic
Gospel of Thomas: "The Kingdom of heaven is before them and men do
not see it..."  And that one must savor each and every moment one is
alive and with others because the truth is any one of us could go in
a hearbeat.  To be true to the life that I lived with those that have
passed, I must allow both the pain and the joy to move through me.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     For a while, it was the alchohol that allowed me to get through
the god damn day.....after sobering up, it has been my contact with
nature and meditation.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not knowing that my friend had been dying over the previous two
years (he had some legal problems) and not being able to either
support him or say good-bye....
  
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     learned what love really means.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Say good-bye, to support my friend in his dying and to have been
what help I could

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I remember the good times....(and its tears of joy, not sorrow)

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would have told my friend that I loved him, would have hugged
him....hell, I might even go dancing with him...and I wouldn't
be wasting any more time on useless endeavors like writing code or
other absurdities

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that all these people keep dying around me

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Check out for a little while
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     initially talked about it with friends, did all those grieving
things I had learned before...

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Lack of empathy, lack of healing, lack of knowledge
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     A denial of death and the consequences of it....and the wonderful
damnation scenes put up by the fundamentalists...
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Lutheran when I was a kid.....now, mostly Buddhist/Taoist/animist
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     is what holds us all together....the concept of the complete
inter-relatedness of all relations means that Spirit manifests in
us all, connecting us all, and that is true in life and death --
the body dies, not the Spirit
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Because my NDE happened when I was a baby and pre-verbal, most of
my experience has been around the feelings and visions similar to
those described as "going into the light".  The more I have explored
this, I have "moved through" many of the stages associated with
the Tibetan book of the Dead
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     For the most part, this was the cleanest friendship I have ever
had.....and the biggest issue for me is to find a reason to keep
going (his death was one of many I have experienced along with
other loss over the past 5 years)...and lately, to allow ALL of the
feelings around his death to be felt -- In order for me to honor
his memory and to truly remember him, it is crucial that I feel
all of it -- that's what this life thing is all about.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would tell him I loved him and wish I had known about his dying
(probably angry)....I would hope that he would tell me he loved
and cared about me..

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I occasionally feel the presence of my friend with me...almost
like he was completely here....whether his spirit is truly here,
or it is just a very tactile memory, I don't know.  Mostly it gives
me some peace and joy...he also appears in my dreams, but I don't
have much recollection of what transpired...

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Death has been my companion for many, many years.....I have
faced death on a couple of occasions....am I scared to die..a
little...but, I do some Buddhist and other practices around death
and part of that is confronting my own.  I know what it is to
face that clear blinding light that has no judgment, no anger,
just full and complete acceptance of me and all of it -- and that
terrified me more than death...What I need to do is embrace life,
for I have been sitting around waiting to die for a long time (like
most good Americans)...and like Steven Levine, I need to get clean
with those that I love....

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     First, I think the word closure is over and mis-used....it gives rise
to the image of closing a door -- which is a peculiarly Western idea
(other culutures pay homage and respect on a regular basis to the
Dead...death is not a closing...just another part of the path).
I did a number of the things I did to deal with my friends death
-- I would go to the ocean and speak to it about my friend, that I
loved him, and that he shall always be my friend (I stole this one
from Dances with Wolves) and I did this not caring whether anyone
knew or not....I climbed a volcano in Hawaii and planted a flower
and said some prayers for him (we used to go to Hawaii on vacation).

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I still speak to the natural world about those that are important to
me.....and I try and go through life honoring those I have known,
for my friend in particular, I try not being ashamed or afraid of
having loved him so much...

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     Facing Death directly and dealing with the Physical as well as
emotional aspects (e.g., dealing with PTSD)

     The lack of community in grieving death, lack of acceptance of the
length of time that grieving takes
 
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     You might want to ask about the amount of death people have
experienced....those that lose many loved ones over a short period
of time have some different perspectives and problems that need help
(PTSD for one)....

Enhancements: www.grief.net (I think)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov  9 22:55:21 1998
M28 in Indianapolis, IN =USA=
Name: Andrew Head
Email: <andrew_head-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Computer Technician
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age;   Aged: 86.

--Details: 
     she was in a lot of pain wanted to go, and was actually mad at my
father for not letting her go.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     release

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     actually felt happy for them knowing thier pain was over, but sad
for me because I couldn't visit them.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my great Aunt passed away after suffering
	from Diabetes and severe osteoperosis.  She always brought sugar-free
	deserts to family picnics that were wonderful.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     It made me feel grown up.  Grandma was one of the icons of my
childhood and with her death, part of my childhood died too.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is sometimes a good thing.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     how it brings a squabbling family together.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Talking with my her sister about things Grandma had done.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     being far away when it happened.
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Laughing puts the sadness in balance and lets you see more clearly
the joys of life and living.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be there more for her final year

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     make it to the funeral
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     even the little great-grandchildren were allowed to the funeral
and to view her.
 
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I appreciated the help they offered, and them respecting our wishes
to let her go when the time came.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Mormon
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it paid for the funeral.  The inheritance was memories and simple
inexpensive objects connected to those memories.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     How nice it was to see how many people loved my grandma too.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     The makeup they put on her in the casket.  She rarely ever wore any,
and it made her look plastic.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Resignation.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     talked with her about it before it happened.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?  -none-
     We talk openly in my family when someone is nearing the end.
I have been lucky not to have had accidental deaths.
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov  9 20:27:29 1998
F22 in Miami, Florida =USA=
Name: Monica
Email: <dizo-at-earthlink.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  searching for "Tomorrow in Psychology"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Psychology
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Kurt Cobain, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Boys II Men, and
others...
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 17 ago.
Cause of Death: a heart condition;   Aged: ?.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     like having a very close person you know go through some pain and
suffering and then unconciousnessly not being able to deal with it no
longer and give up. Then that someone or something never comes back.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't know what was happening until I was older.

--That first time, how it happened was
     It was my grandfather that passed away when I was five years old. My
	only recollection is being in the hospital in the waiting room
	with a lot of people and then seeing a woman approaching us, saying
	something that I didn't understand and then seeing everyone crying!

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     my grandfather's way of caring.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that they need to stop praying only to saints and pray to God.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the love I received from him, even though I know this from what my
mother tells me.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my grandfather's room in which I slept at, the coins he left behind,
his keys, a driver's license, and his statue of a saint in whom he
believed in dearly.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that I didn't really get to know him.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to recall the good memories that were shared and to remind that
"dying person" that he/she is going to a safe place.
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     have dealed with it after all these years.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was at the hospital.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     (I really haven't had that feeling)
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     have been with him through my teen years.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     remember some happy moments (i.e., Christmas).
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     ?
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     ?

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see pictures.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would have had a better life with him around me because when no
one else was there for me when I needed a friend, I know he would've
been there!

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that I didn't get to spend more time with him.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     stop my self from becoming so sad.
 
--When it really hit me... when I r