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Wed Jul  1 03:58:10 1998
Anonymous F
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 23.

--Details: 
     He shot himself in the head while sitting alone on a park bench. The
police thought it was a homicide at first because he was left handed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a natural part of our life . It is when a person ceases to function
in all ways and is nature's way of making room for new life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to really understand what it was all about.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandmother's neighbor passed away due to
	old age. I was only 3 or 4 years old so didn't really understand
	what the funeral was about.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the disbelief. No one could understand why he would have done
something like that.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to deal with it. My culture tends to look upon death as something
to hide or protect ourselves from. We need to learn how to talk
about death so it won't be as much of a mystery to children or
frighten them.    

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being reminded that life goes on by having to continue my daily
routine.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     dealing with the hurt and anger that was caused by my cousin's
suicide.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I haven't been there for the death of a loved one yet but I know
that my grandmother is noy well and is preparing for her death in the
near future. What she finds most comforting is that I am willing to
discuss funeral arrangements and the disposition of her possesions
with her. It is important to the dying to know that things will be
handled according to their wishes.
 
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     there isn't much of a grieving process. I tend not to cry at
funerals unless something said or done during the service really
touches me. I also don't dwell on the loss as much as others since
I accept death as natural and to be expected at some point.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     No one can help me resolve the issues concerning my cousin. I feel
that maybe if I had been able to really talk to him that I might
have been able to prevent his death as I was one of the very few
in the family who could see through his every thing is great facade
and get him to talk about his problems.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't want to be kept alive in a hospital when there is no hope
of recovery. I would like to be left a little dignity. I hope that
if my husband and I were to die soon, my brother will be willing
to raise and care for my son.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

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Tue Jun 30 20:39:55 1998
F18 in Swanton, VT =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  psychology link
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Prof/Studies: College student?psychology major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 36.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a way of life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     went into shock.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my aunt died from breast cancer and a brain
	tumor.  Her and I were very close.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the wake.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     no part

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was my way accepting it when I was unable to cry.I see any type
of death around me
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell her thank you.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know her
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see any type of death around me.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I'm honestly not sure.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that someone so young can be taken from us so abruptly.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     speak to her.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cryed

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     I had none
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     prayer groups
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     protestant
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the beauty

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I swear I saw her open her eyes and I was hoping she would sit up
and say, "just kidding, I was only fooling, now lets all go home
and feast"

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     The comfort of my mother.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

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Tue Jun 30 19:13:53 1998
F21 in Colorado Springs, Colorado =USA=
Name: Brooke
Email: <GOLDCAS-at-YAHOO.COM>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Manager
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: cervical cancer;   Aged: 41.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when our spirit exits our physical body.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     thought they were pretending.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandmother died of natural causes.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the viewing of the body.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     how peaceful the person looks when they have died.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     looking through photos and old memoriablia.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the tremeandous feeling of loss.  A feeling that my heart  weighed
a ton.
  
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     got through it.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with her right before she died.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     tell her I loved her.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I recall an old good memory.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     just say hello.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt a deep uncontrolable pain.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     good, they never seemed to pass judgment.  They helped ease the
pain for her without making it an issue.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     rushing, no time to mourn.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Unconsiousness  (she was fully alert at 8pm and died 24 hours later)
 Fever 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     continue to treat the person with respect and kindness.  Don't go
overboard.  Let them know you are there for them not for anyone else
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     She began mumbling and moving towards something.  We thought she
was waking up.  A few minutes later she stopped breathing.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I wish I had been there with her towards the end.  I feel like
she may have felt alone.  That feeling will never leave me.
I had planned on taking time off of work but kept putting it off.
After she died I felt a deep regret.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would like to know that she knew I cared and loved her.  That would
put me at ease.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     how you want your body to be taken care of.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I have a special song I listen to which allows me to cry and mourn,
but I always feel a little better afterwards.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Viewing the Body 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I would like to offer a guide to others dealing with a terminal
illness.  I wish I had said what I had to say when I had the chance.
I also wish now that I had a video or a personal letter from her.
This would make me feel closer to her.
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Tue Jun 30 15:16:17 1998
F26 in Eugene, Oregon =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 16 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 33.

--Details: 
     It was my best friend's mother who was also my mother's best
friend.My mom (who is a nurse) took care of her when she was  dying.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of life in the humam body.The person's body stops working
and they get burned or buried. Some people believe that the person
has a soul that leaves the body and goes on to a better place or
starts over again in a new body.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was interested in looking at the body. I remember thinking that he
is in heaven now. I was only 6.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was..my foster brother's grandfather died and we
	went to the funeral and I looked at him in the coffin even though
	I thought I would get into trouble for looking (because my parents
	are opposed to open-casket funerals).

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     feeling shocked at the murder of my grandmother in law. I remember
just existing in an altered state for several days. I was terrified
and worried about life after death.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it can happen to anyone anytime.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the way it brings a family together.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     sharing faith.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     my doubts about the existence of life after death.
  
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     after death.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     that never happened to me.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with them.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know them.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about death in general.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     happier.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that people have to die.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     know for sure if they are in heaven
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was devastated.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     no view.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a lot. But I still have doubts
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Lutheran
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     helps reassure me. If so many people believe it it must be true.
 
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     a readiness to die.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I am not aware.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     My uncle left his body during an operation and was watching it all
from on top of the room. He remembered having a choice and he choose
to go back to his body.
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     I was not very close to him, so that helped too.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

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Mon Jun 29 20:45:59 1998
F13 in near Philadelphia, PA =USA=
Name: Gloria
Email: <weeniep-at-hotmail.com>
   Web: http://members.tripod.com/~Logira/thebest.html
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
   Yahoo. I typed in Questionnaires, because I love them
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 78.

--Details: 
       He was depressed...talked about doing it for a while, I never
  thought he actually would..

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
       the end of one's life, and passing into another place.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
      couldn't believe it, didn't know what to feel.

--That first time, how it happened was
      It was my grandfather, he killed himself.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
       what I was thinking, picturing him dying.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
       myself. i convinced myself it wasn't my fault, wrote about it,
  thought about it, started to get over it.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
       the way my mom acted--it was her father, she didn't cry, yet
  seemed sad, and I didn't know what to say or do.
  
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     n/a, I don't understand the question

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
       he was funny! My grandfather was a humourous man. I just laughed
  about the way he was, fussy and stubborn.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
       spend more time with him, call him more, assure him he was great.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I heard a song, I forget the name. It made me think of him, and I
had to fight to hold in tears.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see pictures of him, or read things. I was reading a beautiful
thing my mom wrote about him and just felt so bad that she lost
her father, and i just missed him.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't think it would be much different. Just like a normal everyday
life, minus some sadness.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he decided to die and left us.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
       block the whole thing from my memory.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
      just cried for a really long time, and thought hard and didn't
 want to believe it but knew it was true.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing. Religion really didn't help me, at least, at all. I had to
survive by myself. I was rather mad at God for letting him do this.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
          ummmm....kind of my own religion, I believe in Jesus and all,
     but not in Hell or Satan, and I believe God is a 5 foot 4
     woman with jet black hair and smokes Virginia Slims.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     true.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
       my grandfather's death supplied my mom with some money for a while,
  and I felt guilty for feeling glad that she had money.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
      the sadness and how people were trying to hide it by smiling and
 joking and stuff.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't think I know of any he had.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     No, never had anything like that. I've contacted my grandfather with
a Ouija board and candle a few times and he said he was ok and to
not be afraid and stuff but that's it. No near death experiences.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
      As far as I know, we didn't have any unresolved issues and loved
 each other at the time of his death.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I think about death a lot. I am horribly scared of it. Last summer
(before he died), I was tormented every night by the thought that
I would be murdered. I really am not sure why, but it made my life
hell. I had to make sure every lock was locked, twice, keep a phone
near my bed, and HATED to be away from home, worrying that my mom
or sister might get killed. This was every night, and many nights
I just couldn't sleep. I would lay there, listening to the radio,
but even the slightest sound, I had to get up and see, just to be
sure, because if indeed someone was getting hurt, I could maybe
save her in time. It was just horrible. i would always feel I was
going to die soon. I made a will. I made sure to tell my parents
I loved them before I hung up on any phone call. It was  terribly
frightening and just a horrible experience.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Ok this sounds really messed-up, but I would watch reruns of "The
Golden Girls" on Lifetime every day from 5 -6 and it just made
me feel a bit better about his death, I have no clue why. It just
shifted my focus and made me think happier things, and during it
if I did happen to think of him, it wouldn't seem as bad.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     No, not really.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I wrote about it in a journal..talked to a friend whose friend had
killed themself..


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
       I wish my friends had helped more. None really knew how it felt
  so they didn't offer much sympathy. I didn't meet the one who
  had it happen to her until at least 3 months after his death.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
        It was interesting, I felt glad someone wanted to know these
   things.

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Sun Jun 28 21:12:45 1998
F45 in Sacramento, Calif =USA=
Name: Mallow
Email: <Mallow912-at-AOL.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Social Worker/college instruc.
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  25yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 50.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the cessation of biological functions of the body - breathing,
talking, seeing, hearing, eating.  The physical body stops
functioning and there is no longer any means of obvious contact
between us and the dead person

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was confused by the different reactions of the people (adults, as
I was a child) around me.  Didn't understand the crying and then
the laughter.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my sister and twin brothers died in a
	car accident.  I was three.  I don't remember it specifically,
	just remember the adults around me reacting to it.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     For me it was, is, an empty place inside that is impossible to fill.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the lesson of how quickly lives can change

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     having at least one gentle, kind, understanding person who would
listen and let me talk/cry, whatever I needed at the time.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     all the unsaid words, and the unshared experiences in the future
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     don't be afraid to touch them, hold their hand, stroke their head,
and keep talking to them.  Let them know it's ok to go and that
you'll be ok, too.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to my mom about her dying.  We never mentioned the word cancer,
nor spoke of her being terminally ill.  Makes it hard to say goodbye.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     do the hands-on things:  feed her from a syringe, rub lotion on
her back and legs, and talk to her, tell her I loved her.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     at some odd, particular moment, I see a woman my age with her mother,
laughing, sharing a moment.  And especially when I see my children
that she never knew.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     anger at them and at myself for knowing so little and asking so
little of them.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     seeing/hearing someone from the past who has died; agitation;
increase of energy; separating from family, surroundings; decrease
in food/water intake.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     none with my mom, but I've seen it lots of times with other people.
 
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     having a Durable power of Attorney for Health Care

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I wrote her a letter, which I then burned and sent the ashes flying
upward in the wind.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     a combination of experiences, reading, talking with people close
to me...

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Other: 
     probably protecting people around me "being strong"

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I became a hospice social worker and now I teach a course in death &
dying for social work grad students.

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Sun Jun 28 19:49:32 1998
F23 in new orleans, louisiana =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student-pre-med/biology....I want to be a forensic pathologist
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: doctor claimed she had TB when she did not, and treated her for it.
She was alergic to the medicein and went into a coma.  She came
out of the coma then sunddenly died.;   Aged: 74.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     like an endless sleep with no dreams

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     it had no effect on me.  Death doesn't bother me in the least bit.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...i was to young to remember who it was, but
	every sence I can remember my mom has taken me to funeral and wakes.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     How sudden it was. most people in my family reach the 90's when
they die.  I thought my grandmother was too young to die at 74,
especially when it wasn't a natural death.  the thing that bothered
me the most is it wasn't her time.  I thought for sure she would
live to see me get married and have children.  I think her death is
the only death that has ever bothered me or had an effect on me.
Eventhough I didn't cry at the funeral.  I sometimes cry at night
because I miss her.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     there is no after life or soul.  The person is dead, that is
it, there is no more!  And everyone should donate their organs.
It should be a law...not an opption.  the corpse is not going to
need them, and when a body is embalmed the organs are destryed.
The embalmer has to use an insterment to inject the organs with
embalming fluid to keep them from rotting, and to do this he/she
pokes several holes in all the organs.  Those perfictly good organs
that could have saved another persons live have gone down the drain.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     just not having them around anymore. Just the fact of know they will
never be there to talk to, hug, kiss, to cry to. And they left some
pets behind.  I was sad for the animals...afraid they might think
they were abanded, or that no one else in the family would or could
take care of them
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i would laugh!  It is not strange.  I have done it at funerals
before.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say "I Love you" just one more time

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     let her know I cared by being at the hospital alot
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i touched the body,or more importantly when I study funeral service
education.  I got to embalm over 20 bodies, and it made me realize
these were just bodies nothing more.
 
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     it wouldn't change anything. Sad to say life goes one with or with
that person.  I might be a different person had I not known them
at all but losing them or gaining them back won't affect anything
in my life.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing!!!  I'm an atheis
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     atheis
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I don't believe in spirits.  I think what others call spirit is
just the energy and electrcity that runs through everyones body.
like when your heart stops they use electric paddels to restart it.
The body runs on electrcity!
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i am afraid to die, but only because I'm scared it might hurt.
I have a low tolorence for pain!

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     death never bothered me.  I use to play, laugh, and have a good time
at funerals.  I don't get sad when people die.  But it is hard when
an animal dies....that I can't handle.

What Hindered me most deal with death?   
     nothing hindered my dealing with death

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Jun 27 23:09:26 1998
F16 in Hesston, Kansas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 yr. ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure;   Aged: 89.

--Details: 
      It really disturbed me, because I didn't get to say goodbye.
 She was fine the last time I saw her.  When I looked at her,
 it was really scary.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't really know what was going on.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great-grandma died when I was five.
	I really didn't know what was going on.  I asked if she was going
	to get to shower when she got to heaven, because I thought she was
	going to be dirty from being in the ground.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     saying goodbye to her when she was in her coffin

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it should be a joyous look back at the person's life, not just
grieving about the loss you are feeling.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the memories I take from those who have passed on.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     someone to hold me.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     actually realizing that they would never be there for me again.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say goodbye to my grandmother

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     impact those people's lives
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the fact that the last thing the person senses is sound.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see pictures of people who are gone.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I didn't get to say goodbye.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     get that person back.
 
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     gratitude
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Mennonite
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't want to know when I am going to die.  I do try to live life
so that I can be content if I died tomorrow.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     Volunteer time to others.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Jun 27 12:34:26 1998
F26 in Fall River, MA =U.S.=
Name: Wendy
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: artist/student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt,  7yrs ago.
Cause of Death: long cronic illness;   Aged: 48.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     pianful to those left behind, but a passage to, (hopefully),
something better for those who die.

--That first time, how it happened was
     She was my land-ladies sister, and my best-friend. She had cancer
	and her heath went repidly down hill. I was about 7 yrs. old when
	she died. I had lots of family problems growing up, and she was the
	first person to treat me with respect as a human, and as a friend.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     wishing I had more time with her.

--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     life doesn't end.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     having had time with those who've passed.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being allowed to hurt.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     it was, is, all hard.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     just be there.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say good-bye

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     viewing the body. I just never understood why people want to look
at a shell. Why isn't it good enough to remember how they were in
life?  I agree that the service is important in giving people
a chance to believe their loved one is gone, remember, and say
good-bye, but why put the image of a lifeless body in your mind?

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     any reason. a song, a thought, a scent...

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why them, and not me.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     hug them
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     hurt, cried, and asked God why, (but then just asked God to ease
the pain).

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     greatful they could ease the pain.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     there are many wonderful, caring people. they did their best to
provide comfort.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     not religion, but prayer. my own connection with God is what
helped me.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     current/none
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     the more you have, the better care your loved one will recieve. (it's
sick)
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 26 22:52:31 1998
M31 in Longmont, Colorado =USA=
Name: Anthony
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  looking for resources through Metracralwer search engine
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Prof/Studies: Therapist/Caseworker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, presently ago.
Cause of Death: liver cancer;   Aged: 52.

--Details: 
     My wife and I came to know of my mother-in-law's illness through a
phone call from my sister in law.  Prior to the call my mother in
law and I had nit seen each other in more than three years due to
an ongoing dispute between my wife and her

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Death is a time that asks all sense of human time to slow down and
asks us humans to reorient to what is of value as it relates tot
he dying person and our selves.  Death is the passage from this
time and plane of existence to another less known plane of existence.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     The first time I ever expereinced anyone's death was when I was
in gradeschool.  It was someone that I was not emotionally close
to and the expereince was absent deep emotional content for me

--That first time, how it happened was
     My grandfather died of cancer.  The cancer was discovered when he
	went in for a gall bladder surgery.  I felt as if I barely knew my
	grnadfather and my involvement in his death was very peripheral

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     As I am still in the process of my mother in law's death, it has
asked a great deal of sacrifice from me and my wife and a bulk of
my time in attending. I am also struck with how this has brought
to light the ugliness of some of the family dynamics.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That regardless of who it is that is dying, each of us has the
right to die with dignity adn for this loss of a human life to be
fully felt and mourned.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The opportunity to spend time with my kother in law before she
died... to asist her in the process... to talk with her about the
family history...to sit with her as she invited death more fully
into her body and life... to share in this expereince with my wife

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     The connection to my wife... the opportunities to get away from
the house during those last few weeks and take care of myself by
taking Yoga classes, walks or reading books.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Is remembering that it was them that was dying and needed the
attention I had to give... I found myslef reverting to focusing on
my needs and desires.  The actual expereince of staying focused and
clear as many times I find myself groggy and acting as if I don't
know what is happening or what she needs.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Understand that the process of death is spectacular aw well as
mundane.  Simply sitting in silence with someone dying is of great
assistance to them as they embrace the scary prospect of leaving
this life.
 
--[My relative's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was willing to put aside many worldly things to be with my mother
in law

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I first found out that Barbara had terminal cancer and was given
two months to live... then at every point from then on when her
functioning reduced.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     some funny shit... to look at the insane sanity of what was happening
about how this death was in many ways so expansive and so minute.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to Barbara about her relationship with her daughter and the
decsisions that she had made regarding what she would take with her.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     spend time with Barbara...just sitting and watching movies and
talking about words and family and how she was feeling.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     My wife and I talked
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     appreciated all the moments that we shared and ll the love. wonder
and support she generated

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Zoning Out 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 
     It seemed as if I could not relate to the sadness that surrounded
this death

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 26 18:49:16 1998
F17 in foster city, CA =USA=
Email: <nermal78-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 35.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when we are no longer living/seen on this earth.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to understand how serious the surrounding situation
was.  i didn't know about suicide and what it meant.  and i wasn't
as close to people...  you know less when you're younger.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...friend of the family committed sucide

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how people close to him would think about the past, and how he was,
and how happy he SEEMED.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it isn't punishment.  and we shouldn't be afraid of it.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     how we can learn from it.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     time.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     seeing how it hurt othr people so much.  and knowing that person
was not around anymore.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     remember those who love you and who you love.  they are the most
important people.  (and since it was suicide) they should understand
your pain.
 
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     see that death isn't bad.  and suicide isn't as bad as people think
it is.  i don't think the person goes to "hell."  but suicide isn't
an answer, there are other ways.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i had to grasp that the person was not there.  they didn't just
move away.  they are gone as we know it.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it is a cover up to hide the pain.  people want to fool themselves
into thinking it doesn't hurt and that lauging will take the
pain away.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     get to know the person better.  ask him if he really thought suicide
was the answer.  because i think about suicide too, but i don't
think i could ever go through with it like he did.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     WHAT IFs get me no where, but i do them all the time.  and then i
get mad at myself.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he had to leave now.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     bring him back.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     knew that it happens for a reason.

--Religious Affiliation:
     i used to go to church..  now i belive myself to be agnostic.  yes,
there is a hight power, but i don't think "he" is "God."
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     true.  i belive in spirits, ghosts, reincernation, and traveling
souls.  i think we are all connected.
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     i want to die.  eventhough i still know the pain that his death
caused loved ones.  but i know it's not my time, and suicide messes
with that.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     this has never happened to me.  but i do feel the prescence of
other spirits.
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     to know if he felt right about suicide.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     love... don't let love fade away.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i have a strong desire to die right now.  but it's not time for me.
i have too much ahead of me for death.  if i found out i was going
to die soon, i'd "live it up."  go skydiving, have sex, tell people
i'm sorry and i love them, take vacations, all the things i haven't
done but would like to do.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     knowing when it's one's time, it's one's time

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     i need and other might need:  someone to hold.  or someone to
just listen.  or talk to them.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     "would you have done something different with your loved one,
friend, etc.  if you knew exactly when they were going to die?"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 26 13:18:42 1998
F27 in Memphis, TN =United States=
Name: Denise
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Admin. Assistant
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister,  1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: wreck involving a drunk driver;   Aged: 24.

--Details: 
     Stefanie's 6 month old daughter Zadie was also killed.  At the time
of Stefanie's death she was 3 months pregnant.  Stef and Zadie had
just left my Grandma's house and were on the way out to my parent's
for a rehearsal dinner.  My youngest sister, Carmen (who was also
3 mos. pregnant) was getting married the next day.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     An end to life on earth as we know it, but the beginning of a
new life the likes of which your earthly mind cannot imagine or
understand.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My Great-Grandfather died on my 5th birthday.  He drove down with
	my Grandmother for lunch.  On his way home from his house he became
	disoriented and drove into a telephone pole.  His injuries were not
	severe enough to cause death, but I am told he was ready to die.
	My Great-Grandmother had died suddenly of a heart attack 5 years
	earlier.  My Grandfather (their only son) had died at a young age
	of a brain tumor.  We all believe that my Great-Grandfather was
	just ready to die.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     We felt like we were sinking in quicksand, or sinking to the bottom
of the ocean.  Even a year later we still experience that 'sinking'
feeling.  Since the death was unexpected, we also dealt with many
feelings of, "it just can't be true!"

--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Death is not final.  The people who die live on in our hearts and
thoughts and memories.  For that reason, parts of those people will
be passed on to our children and our children's children.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     All the love and support I felt from my family, friends, and
co-workers.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Being able to talk to Greg (Stefanie's husband), my parents, and
my sister.  My three year-old daughter has also been an amazing
source of support.  Through answering her questions about her Aunt
and cousins, I have been able to answer some of my own questions.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I feel so lonley.  Stefanie and I were more than sisters, she
was my very best friend.  I missing having someone I could talk
to about everything in my life that had happened, was happening,
and what I hoped to happen.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Zadie was declared brain dead at the hospital the day after the
wreck.  Greg chose to donate her organs, so they had to sustain
her on life support until she went to surgery.  I had been in the
delivery room when Zadie was born, and it was very special that I
got to say good-bye to her that afternoon at the hospital.
 
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Learned to pray and depend on the strength of God.  The "Footprints"
poem means much more to me today than it did a year ago.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Just wondering "why??"  From reading and talking to others this is
a very common question with death involving someone so young.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I don't regret anything.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be able to say that Stefanie was my sister and that we were so close.
She was so kind, a true friend to everyone who came in contact
with her.  Always looking out for the "little guy."  She baked cakes
for everyone's birthday's, bought presents for every person in the
office who was expecting a baby, bought my daughter a bookshelf
full of books, helped arrange every party that came down the pike
(both work and family related).  I just can't say enough about what
a great person she was.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I realized that life is too short to not enjoy each day you get.
I try to make the most of every day, because (I know it sounds like
an old cliche) you never know if it will be your last.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Anger.  I have yet to feel angry at anyone for what happened.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about not getting to see Stefanie grow old, and not getting
to watch Zadie or Thomas grow up.  A part of the future is gone.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     Now that hurts.  I want so bad to just be able to sit a talk to
Stefanie face to face.  I have told my daughter that sometimes
when we dream about Stefanie and Zadie it may be more than just a
dream and we may be really talking to them and playing with them.
That alot of times reality is disguised as a dream, because our
minds just cannot handle the reality.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     That they should die at such a young age.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Scream.  I want to stand in the middle of a field and just scream
until I can't scream anymore.  Other times I wish I could rewind
time and have Stefanie be driving down a different road, totally
avoiding the intersection where the wreck happened.  Then she and
her children would have been here.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Got depressed.  I had/am having to learn to live again.  I had/have
to build a life around the person I had become during the death
process, and learn to live without very important people in my life.
I also realized that by the time I die, I will have been without
Stefanie longer than I was with her.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Gratitude.  The Doctors at the children's hospital did everything
they could for Zadie.  When we got to the hospital that night,
we knew she wasn't going to make it.  The docs pretty much let
us know that we needed to "say our good-bye's."  Everyone in the
Intensive Care Unit was very helpful and compassionate.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     My family was put on prayer lists throughout the country.  Stefanie
and Greg were Catholic, many masses have been said in memory of
Stefanie, Zadie, and Thomas.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Methodist
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I can best describe it by the feeling I got sitting at the graveside
service.  I was sitting there and felt like my heart was going
to burst, there was so much love and prayer surrounding me at
that moment.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Everyone that was there to show their love and support.  At the
wake, there was a line out into the parking lot at Stefanie and
Greg's church. At the funeral service (again at the church) it was
standing room only.  The funeral procession stretched for miles.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Being able to feel the 'presence' of the people I have lost.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Everyone heals at a different rate and in different ways.  For me,
at times I need to talk, other times I just need to lock myself
in a room and be alone with my thoughts.  I know that the pain of
these deaths will affect me the rest of my life.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Greg mentioned several times at Zadie's bedside at the hospital
that he felt he was in a tug-of-war with Stefanie over Zadie.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     My Grandpa had to be hospitalized because an ulcer had "eaten
through" his stomach and into the large vessel beind the stomach.
He had to be revived several times.  After one such experience he
told my mother and others in the room that someone came to him and
said it,"was time for him to join the game."  Grandpa replied that
he "wasn't ready to play yet."  My Grandpa eventually recovered
and lived for several more years, until he succombed to cancer.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I have no unresolved issues.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I know that she's o.k.  I just would tell her I love her and the
kids and I miss them terribly.  I would (if time permitted)want
to talk to her about things going on in my life, just to have her
listen without prejudice the way she used to.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Respect the dying person's wishes.  My uncle died of AIDS two
years ago.  He asked to be cremated and that his ashes be scattered
in Florida (where he had lived for almost 30 yrs.).  My Aunt was
the executor of his estate.  She and my Grandma decided to bring
his ashes "home" and bury them in a plot next to my Grandpa.
This angered several in  the family.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     If I knew I was going to die soon I would make sure my daugher would
be taken care of, and let my family know how much I love them and
how much they mean to me.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I honestly believe that Carmen's wedding was the first big step
toward closure for me.  It came the day after Stefanie was killed,
and just hours after Zadie was declared brain dead.  It was the
first big life event that we went through as a family without
Stefanie there.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I thank God just about every day for what he has given me.  I talk
about Stefanie and Zadie alot with my daughter, in the hope that
she will remember them.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     I was so young and saw my Great-Grandfather so little, I didn't
sense the loss to a great extent.


--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I offer condolences now, let people know I'm thinking about
them. Where before I would have said nothing.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Good outlet.  I have needed to share some of these thoughts,
but outside of family and friends have had no where to express
my thoughts.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Perhaps asks if you have had a 'visit' from the loved one who died.
I know several in my family have had dreams of Stefanie dressed
in white where she told them, "I just wanted to let you know I'm
all right."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jun 25 15:11:20 1998
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Aged: 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     How well

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Your questionaire deals with the death of others. What about brushes
with ones own death? I would say few, if any, events have reshaped
my life more than my own near death experience. It shook my faith in
everything and made me either reaffirm or change all of my beliefs
and ideals.

	[Ed Note:  Actually, the questionnaire deals with these
	 things, too... Perhaps the reader didn't get all the 
	 way through the very long questionnaire.  -JS]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
M20 in Dublin,  =Ireland=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  Through "Yahoo!"
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Prof/Studies: Student of Germanic Languages
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 19 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes;   Aged: 79.

--Details: 
     I've very little recollection of this.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     part of life, when humans are separated from those they know, and
when eneryone around them is stripped of all the little illusions
with which we surround ourselves. What comes afterwards is largely
unknown.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to really be aware of it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My grandfather died, but I saw little of the whole thing: I hardly
	remember it. Not that there are any problems there.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that when my father and I go to the graveyard on the hill (of Howth
in Dublin), it's one of the few times we can really talk freely to
one another.

--What I think my (Ireland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it should take it even more seriously (I refer to criminals
and terrorists: otherwise, the combination of religious, community
and family makes it relatively bearable).

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the way it allows the family to gather together, and to speak freely
without all the usual illusions.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     family support.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the guilt that I hadn't known them better. I still feel that  way
to some degree.
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     n/a
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     know her better.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     get to see her the night before she died.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my grandmother asked me from her death-bed to become a priest. (She
knew I was at university at this point, but it was her long-standing
ambition to have a priest in the family.)
 
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I suspect that I would still not be speaking to her as much as I'd
think I should, an still be feeling guilty for it.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     It sort of is fair, inasmuch as death can be. We all get one go on
this world.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was looking at her body during a wake: she was laid out, and
looked terribly small, even for her: she had become a shadow of
her former self.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     that they did what they could, but it wasn't much, as she was having
a full systems failure.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     she was dying and beyond their help, but what is important, is that
she wanted "to escape" from the hospital (as she put it), and died
among her family, with no intrusion (not to say that they're looked
down upon) from the doctor.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     she had been a member of the Third Order of St. Dominic (a lay order
of nuns, if such a thing can exist), and was frequently visited
by them and the local ordained clergy. I remember looking at the
local priest as he did the funeral and thinking that he didn't
look far from death himself (she lived in a district with many
senior citizens).
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it was dealt with by my father (it was my paternal grandparents
in both cases), and his siblings: he'd only talk about it away
from everyone.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it was great to have everyone take the trouble to come, but as so
many of them were old, I remember thinking that there were going
to be fewer and fewer at the next funerals in the area.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     there was one wonderful moment. The morning after my grandmother had
died, the body was laid out, and my youngest sister (who was 12 and
has Down's Syndrome) came in and saw her laid out. She asked what
was going on, and was told that grandmother was dead. She replied
that she was with God now, and this comforted everyone.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     my grandmother had been wanting to get out of the hospital "to
escape from that fella" (death). My mother (from West Ireland)
tells of wakes, protecting the dead from "the black man", but I
wasn't there on the night.
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I wouldn't know what to say to my grandmother, and so I'd feel
guiltier afterwards, having wasted this new chance. I'd pass up
such an opportunity, unless she had something to say.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't think I'm too afraid of death. I just wonder what would
happen while I wasn't there afterwards.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I'm more aware of the existence of death in life, and can seldom
look at an old person without thinking of them dead.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     For "What was it that helped you cope with death", there should be
the chance to answer a range of causes. 

	[Ed Note: Actually, we have a blank space right next to the 
	 single-word selection choice, where you could add in any length
	 of additional comments, or choices from the adjacent box. ]

In the "Sentence completion"  part, it jumps from the first death that the
subject remembers to the most recent. 

	[ Yes, this needs to be edited.  We're working on an updated
	  version of the questionnaire where this will be addressed. ]


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jun 25 01:40:17 1998
M20 in Dallas, TX =usa=
Name: Rob
Email: <hautephoto-at-juno.com>
   Web: http://WWW.cyberramp.net/~franks/rob
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: photographer
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Sleeping Beauties: Post mortem photographs
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of idol Public Figure,  1 ago.
Cause of Death: murder;   Aged: 50.

--Details: 
     Versace...he was the reason I became a fashion photographer and
his sudden, violent death startled me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When the  physical body dies, and the spirit leaves the body to
take on new tasks

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was amazed

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...family member that I never met

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the media's constant disrespectful hounding of the family

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     what it is and why it happens

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     being who I am

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
      the fact that they would no longer be an active part of my life
  
--[My idol Public Figure's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     let it influence my art

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     not confused

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     death no longer bothers me
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     save him from the murderer

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     cope
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the person is dead

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     began to feel better about it

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     understanding death
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Pagan
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     death is universAL
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jun 24 22:11:02 1998
F19 in vienna, va =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  web serch for "Bardo"
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Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 9 ago.
Aged: 70?
--Details: 
     See below.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My grandmother died of Breast Cancer when
	I was 10.  Until she really started failing, I was only aware of
	little things, like the fact that she wouldn't come swimming with us
	kids anymore.  After she died (I wasn't allowed to see her in the
	hospital-- at her request that the kids not see her as she died--
	but that made it very hard for me), I felt very guilty for being
	mad at her for never making good on her promises to be well enough
	"next summer" to swim with me.  To answer below, I feel I only
	really just got over this in the past year (nine years later) whne
	I had a dream.  In the dream, I was in a hot tub with all sorts of
	relative, most of them long dead ancestors I'd only heard stories of,
	or maybe seen pictures.  Then my Grandmother walked up, offered me a
	hand out of the hot tub, and together we dove into the pool. About
	a week after I had this dream, my grandfather (her husband) died,
	and I felt the dream really helped me deal with that.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jun 24 20:35:52 1998
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3.5  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer;   Aged: 53.

--Details: 
     He was sick for about a year and a half so it was tough on me and
the family.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my best friend's  cousin died and her
	grandmother at the same time. Her cousin was only 14 and he
	was struck by lightning.  I mainly tried to help her out. I was
	bothered by it because everyone was so sad.Then six years later her
	father died at the young age of 53 and that was very rough on the
	family. Three and a half years later it is still very tough for them.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Helping Other People cope 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Wed Jun 24 12:50:40 1998
M23 in chicago, il =usa=
Name: tim
Email: <tim0ritchie-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: software analyst, psychologist
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	K. Ring; E. Kubler-Ross; Bowlby; Lao-tzu; Buddha
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  0 ago.
Cause of Death: age, nature;   Aged: 94.

--Details: 
     this person was my great-grandmother, not the person I mentioned
in the previous section.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a process like breathing or respiration. Life and death are motion
through time...do you, alien being, understand motion, respiration,
or process?

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     had hallucinations that the deceased person was talking to me as
I sat and observed the body at the wake.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...an unexpected, unknown cause(s) of my
	gradmother's death

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     we are happy she lead a full life; she was my last living relative
from another country; she lives in our memories.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     all reactions to it are ok; there are cultural differences in the
experince and celebration of another's death; reincarnation/rebirth
is as important as heaven and hell.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     for every passing away is a bringing forth

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     learning that what I felt was OK, death does not have to be a taboo
subject even though my culture treats it as such
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the constant reminders of that person in my thoughts; wanting to
be death myself; witnessing others sadness when mine alleviated
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     no advice, just be here in the stillness of life, relaxed and open
to what is next
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     learned to accept death and not live in total fear of it.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     some people I trusted said my grandmother was murdered, others whom
I trusted said she killed herself

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     predict the future of people I love

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     cope
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I could smile and vividly recall past experiences I had with the
deceased
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     what that person left behind, materially

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I replay specific instances when I just found out about my
grandmother

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     not too different

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that I have to live year after year after year only to witness more
life, more death, etc.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     it never gets that difficult
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     gave a lecture on Buddhist perspectives on dying; wrote extensively
in personal journals, poems, etc.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     support, encouragement, aspiration
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     very little
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     past = catholic, christian current = atheist, buddhist, taoist
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     the broader view of spirit doe not feel like anything to me, but
it exists always in and beyond my conscoous awareness
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     family bifurcated after disputes about inheritance
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     family came together for the last time, many went their separate
ways after that.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     hallucianting, hearing and envisioning, my grandmother when I was
13 at the wake

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     it scared me senseless and I was embarraced to tell my mom about it
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     it would be nice to know how my gradmother died, eventhough I have
accepted murder and suicide as the causes of her death

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     relieved and excited; suffering, joy, and the rest occur while we
live, what happens after life is unknowable

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     reading and writing in solitude, talking with others

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Books & Films 
     psychology degrees; course work on death & dying; Buddhism


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    People's Stories, etc. 
     not knowing if she was murdered or committed suicide
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     listen, talk, reminisce, re-enact


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     there are many questions, covers a lot of ground, lets respondent
reflect, put answers into own words, flexible

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     there's a couple that don't exactly flow grammatically or could
use some re-wording, somewhere in the middle...I'm not an editor

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Jun 23 20:24:10 1998
F in round rock, texas ==
Name: patricia bredthauer
Email: <pbredthauer-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: gerontologist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     I am extremely interested in how individuals approach the topic of
death and dying.
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia;   Aged: 72.

--Details: 
     she had progressive supra nuclear palsy

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the continuation oflife on another level of consciousness.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was in 3rdor 4th grade and a young boy in one of my classes washit
by a car exiting fromthe bus. he was laughed at because he wet his
pants in class one day and I felt sorry for him.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was a grandparent I adored.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that I was able to be of support and help.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to do away with DENIAL.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that life can come to an end when there is no quality of life left.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     taking courses in Death at St. Edward's.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     missing the space they occupied in my life.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     To remember that being there is an opportunity to say goodbye
and tell them how much they meant to you. The last sense to go
is hearing.
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     gave her my permission to die and how comforting it was to me to
remove the IVs from her arms.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I don't think I was ever confused.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     everyone needs humor in their lives at the worst of times as wellas
the best. It is a way of dealing with events.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say goodbye to my mother before she slipped into a coma. To have
had one last conversation with her.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be with her when she died.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt very acceptng of the process.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I have studied it extensively

     nothing hindered me except not dealing with grief constructively

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Jun 23 11:15:44 1998
F44 in New Orleans, LA ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Office Mgr./English dept.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	On Death & Dying---Mourning & Mitzvah
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Kubler-Ross---Anne(?) Brenner
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 ago.
Cause of Death: Myasthenia Gravis (sp?);   Aged: 72.

--Details: 
     the death occurred in an ICU unit. He had been in ICU for about 3
months. I flew in from S.F.several times to say good-bye. During
my last visit he called me into the room and wrote that he wanted
to die. He got his wish. the Dr's administered Morphine a couple
of days later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the final breath we take while in our physical body. It can be a
great release or a horrible struggle.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was detached. I think I was 7 yrs. old and I was more concerned
about my father's feelings than my own. It was the first time I
had ever seen him cry. When I was 13 yrs old my best friend died
(15yrs) of a drug overdose. I am 44 now, but can still remember
the sensation of nausea and disbelief upon hearing the news.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My grandmother, who was living with us at
	the time died of emphasima (SP?)I don't believe she died at home.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the love. My father exuded love to the very end. He was a well-loved
human being. I can't stress this point enough. People from all
socio-economic backgrounds loved and respected him. As I sat next
to him in the ICU unit I vividly recall the sensation of the air
being electrified. I felt honored to be in his presence.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that the dying deserve to be surrounded by their friends and/or
family.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the spiritual intimacy with the person who was dying. My Mother is
dying now, at home, as we speak. I am grateful that she can speak
about her death so that I can thank her for all she has given me.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     books.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     letting go. I don't know if I've actually "let go" of my father. Had
you known him, you would understand. I miss him sooo much.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Listen. Touch. Take a nap with the person. Laugh.Listen to their
favorite music.
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     made it safe for him to talk (he couldn't speak, so he kept a pad
by the bed)about his life, death.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the morphine was administered and I sat with my head on his bed
holding his hand. I didn't want him to die alone, but apparently he
preferred it that way. I left the room for not more than 5 minutes
and he had gone. I suppose he didn't want me to be in the room.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I never laughed at the time of Death, but I do recall a feeling of
exaltation. The atmosphere in the room seemed to be highly charged. I
wasn't expecting this.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     let him see me cry. I was too busy protecting him. I didn't want
him to know how devasted I was feeling.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be near him.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     does one ever get over it? I don't think so. you just learn how to
cope a bit better.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     In an alternate reality, my father would be playing with his grand
daughter and helping me in my garden.We would take long walks
together in the park or we would stop by a construction sight so
he could marvel at it all.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     wake up.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was angry.very angry.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     thankfulness. the nurses on the ICU floor were angels. They respected
my father and knew that they were dealing with a very special
person. Unfortunately, my feelings about the medical community are
quite negative with the exception of the experience just mentioned.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     that my father would be buried right away and a mourning period of
1 year would occur. (We're Jewish)
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Jewish.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like love.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the police escort. There were an incredible number of people in
attendance.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     viewing his body moments after death. His mouth was wide open. the
medical staff couldn't close it. I often wonder if his spirit/soul
departed from his mouth. Anyway, I wish I hadn't seen him that way.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I felt that my Father was with me for about 3 months. One day I
just didn't feel his presence anymore. I think it was at that time
that I became very despondent for I felt that he was truly gone.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I've hear this too. I don't know if this was true in my Father's
case, but it wouldn't surprise me. Everyone who met him felt a
deep connection.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     no unresolved issues.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I'd like to be reassured that he sees my life in progress. I 'd
like to know that he's OK, where ever he is.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     write everything down. talk about your wishes to people who can
carry them through.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     My own death has been a preoccupation since I was about 13
yrs. old. I think of my own mortality often, yet I don't perceive
myself as being morbid. I think our mortality is the creative stuff
that motivates us-- whether we want to believe it or not. I've
always thought that I'd like just enough time to tell my friends
"good-bye" , to tell them how much I love them. The absolutely
hardest part about dying now would be that I wouldn't be able to
watch my daughter grow up.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     talking. I talked and cried to my dad alot.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     The questionnaire helped clarify some issues for me.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Jun 23 01:21:33 1998
F16 in Wellington,  =New Zealand=
Name: Siobhan
Email: <smurf_nz-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student at high school
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 46.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     something to be frightened of

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     laughed. I was way too young to understand.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a school friend was killed in an accident

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     nobody understands and eveyone thinks that you ought to be over it

--What I think my (New Zealand) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's not something to be frightened of

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself and my memories
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not knowing my own beliefs - I don't believe in God or Heaven so
I don't know what happens to someone after death
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     grow up with my mother

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     it was five months after she'd died and I got really depressed but
nobody even thought about why I was.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     someone says something like about how they don't get on with their
mother or parents

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that I should grow up without a mother

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die
 
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     amazement and awe
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     they were tens time better than the hospital
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     absolutely nothing
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     none
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     confused
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how wonderful people seemed to think my mother was

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     everything is a milestone

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     dealing with death within myself seems to have been the only way-
no one wants to talk about it
 
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I don't care if people think I'm weird to be hugging my girl friends
all the time

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Friends' Insensitivities 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     someone to listen to me

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jun 22 18:48:28 1998
F19 in Allentown, PA ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     I had written a short story about my experience that I thought
was very helpful.  It has been published in our school journal,
so I suppose it must be good.   I dont' know if it would help.
I would call it inspirational if nothing else...
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;   Aged: 40ish.

--Details: 
     teacher i was very close to in high school.. died in a car accident
the last day before christmas break

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great grandmother passed away... i dont'
	remember how...

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the singing during the funeral... christmas carols... I saw 3 ships
come sailing in on christmas day.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     denial.  fear.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it brings the surviviors closer together.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     friends... talking about it... also writing about it.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     facing the changes after the death.  It's hard to deny when you
are forces to alter your life.
  
--Religious Affiliation:
     none
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it was odd.  The family asked that donations be made to our club
at school, and with that money, our group went on a trip that we
had looked forward to together.  It was bittersweet....
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     there were so many more people there then I ever could have imagined.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 
     my sisters couldn't show their feelings...made fun of my crying

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jun 22 17:52:56 1998
F16 in Meriden, Connecticut ==
Name: Shade
Email: <filter500-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 1.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: disease;   Aged: 3.

--Details: 
     he was the only one who ever cared

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     part of life

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     laughed

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...2 of my grandparents died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Why should I care? No one does....Everyone should die..There are
way too many humans in the world..

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it's life and not to avoid it like it's so horrid.. Stop lying
and saying there's something there, cause there isn't.. It's just
non-existance..deal with it

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     no more pain for my cat.. also, I will die. and so will everyone
else

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     No one cared.. My comfort is knowing that someday they'll die
too.. espically *her* she deserves it for what she did.. I wanna
watch.. so cold and alone..
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Pain..rage..there is nothing left..no one cares..he was the only
one who ever could..  the bitch killed him..she'll pay
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     nothing helps
 
--[My cat's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     feel.. I WILL FIND YOU SOMEDAY!!! I  WANT TO WATCH YOU SUFFER FOR
WHAT YOU DID!!!

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     My family lied to me

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I was right.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     kill her first.. He did nothing to her or anyone..

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     ha! LIES!
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     No one cared for my cat but me..They acted like it was
nothing.. "Oh. it's only a cat, not a *human*" who cares? He was
alot better than any of those concieted bastards
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     that humans mean shit in the world.. we're nothing really.. mostly
lies

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I'd know that somewhere out in this world, someone cared..

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Yes..not fair..fair..who cares? all will die all will suffer..

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     commit suicide..it never works
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     know what i must do.. revenge sweet blissful..revenge

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     NOTHING!!!
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing..it was all lies.. As i said, there is no god.. there is
no hell no heaven, no right, and no wrong.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     atheist
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     There is no spirit.. flesh is all we are
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     money was no object
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     no one but me mourned him

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the fact that no one cared

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     who cares? we're all gonna die.. what's the point?

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     hahahahaha
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     again, ahahahahahaha
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     no one can help me  why would they care? never mind..they don't

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     that he wasn't mad at me cause i couldn't help him.. maybe i wouldn't
feel so cold

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Everyone should be allowed to die when they want

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I want to die I won't live long and you don't care

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Pain.. carve the rage into you.. Only way to live.. And not kill
everyone else to show them what it's like to suffer

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     so much pain..so damn cold..

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Zoning Out 
     It's part of life..like sleeping


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     there is no heaven or hell..it's all a lie..
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     ha like anyone would help *snort*


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     blah.. good for showing my pain.. No one listens but a computer
screen.. heh

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jun 22 15:48:08 1998
F49 in Portland, Maine =usa=
Name: khc
Email: <lcolpitts-at-hotmail.com >
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: customer service
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	elizabeth kubler-ross
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: depression and illness;   Aged: 79.

--Details: 
     depression and chronic pain exacerbated by bad falls

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a natural conclusion of a life cycle, a physical ending, but not
a relationship ending

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was curious

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great aunt died of old age. it was my
	first funeral...9 years old. a very hot summer day and lots of people

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     pain and loss and the surprise that i not only lost my mother but
also the family as i knew it

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     one needs to respect those who are dying and listen to their needs

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my mother would no longer feel pain and hurt and fear

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my husband
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the total sense that i was alone in the process
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     staying by their side to watch over them, especially in a hospital
setting to act as an advocate, protector and strength
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     survived

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i couldnt identify with other people's feelings

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     laughing was part of the process and release. it helps the body
physically cope6+
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     intervened with her care earlier than i did.  i trusted her voice
too much and responded to the mother authority

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     in this situation nothing was ever better than i imagined
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i told my mother it was ok to die, i dont even know if she could
hear me
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     a funeral

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i remember all the things i never said

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     my mother would have been moved closer to us and being cared for,
as she could have been.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     she left me to deal with everyone

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     hate my sister and brother
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     tried to numb out by taking care of details.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     caring within limitations of an institution
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     not applicable
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     hoping my mother could find something in the ministers words and
prayers to giver her ease
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     protestant
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     safe and open to meet those we cared about in some form again
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     her death saved her from a year of expensive rehab another operation
and the eventual loss of her home
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     there was none

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     deciding how to bury her since she had been rejected as a donee to
harvard university, her first choice...there had been no plan b

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     depression, wandering mind a sense of giving up

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     grieving will be a life time that you get used to the missing and
i dont believe it gets easier
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i dont know
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     no
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     i never explained what was going on for me the year she died. i
never could tell her how angry i was for how she enabled my brother.
i hated being left with all the debris and i feel i have failed
badly.  I have 2 therapists helping with issues.  they were in
place before her death

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i couldnt stand having that kind of conversation if i knew it was
the last one

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     see answer above...above all respect is so important to those who
are dying, as well as comfort and freedom from pain

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i have said bluntly....i do not want a service or anything in the
paper, if i am able use me for donor organs.  listen to what i have
said about not prolonging my life and about stashing pills should
i become ill

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i always remember, i have not yet begun to grieve as i know i should

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     i hate it when someone reachs to help me and forces me to feel.
i am very good at easing and helping the pain of others.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     probably the question about the last conversation.  the word last
is a very powerful word filled with finality.  i didnt like thinking
about it

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     i like the probing  and freedom to express rather than check off
a box

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jun 22 14:58:39 1998
F17 in new orleans, la =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student (high school)
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance,  4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 15.

--Details: 
     he was gay and couldn't take it

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when you stop living

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     totally denied it and supressed ALL feelings

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandfather who had had prostate cancer
	and 2 major heart attacks died. i was close to him.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how many people his death affected

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not so sad, usually the person is happier dead, that is if he/she
was termanally ill/in a lot of pain or killed themselves

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that it brought a lot of people closer together

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     musical theatre; lyrics
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     feeling so isolated, not letting myself grieve
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     hug them
 
--[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was in too much denial; get those feelings out!!!! don't keep
everything all bottled up

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     a few days to a year after he killed himself

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     ?
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     speak to a counselor

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know him while i did
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     they sang a song from Godspell at the funeral
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     that he was "in a better place now"

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i see pictures of him or hear stories about him

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i might not be as appriciative of life as i am, this made me NEVER
want to kill myself and if it hadn't have happened, i may be or
have been suicidal

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     when someone so young and confused gives up

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     get my emotions out!!!
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was still in denial. i don't know that i ever acknowlegded the death

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     anger
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     ?
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     not an issue
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     just how many young people were there, mostly high schoolers

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     not being able to grieve

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     living for others and not caring for yourself; problems with
sexuality

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it was a good thing, as sad as that sounds
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     ?
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     counsellor

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     that it's okay to be gay, i will still love you and so will many
people

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     ?

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i'm not afraid of my own death

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     journalling, writing it ALL down on paper

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     nope

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Zoning Out 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Zoning Out 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     i wish i could have been reached out to more

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     this was great for me, it made me think about some issues that i
haven't thought about before...thank you

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Jun 21 14:46:42 1998
F30 in Buenos Aires,  =Argentina=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Historian, teacher
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Raymond Moody, several Jungian oriented
psychologist's works.
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;   Aged: 27.

--Details: 
     Right after leaving for a holiday with 2 friends, he was sleeping
in the back of the pickup which hit a pothole and flipped over. He
was thrown out and crushed by the fall, died instantaneously. His
funeral was a tremendously difficult experience, he was very well
liked and as always when young people die, the atmosphere was quite
"tragic". It was the first funeral I'd attended since the one
during my childhood, since I refuse to go in general because I do
not believe in the usefulness of the ritual, at least not according
to the Catholic ritual. In fact, I refused to go to my grandparent's
funerals. They are, generally morbid, reunions for the living who
cannot face the situation on their own. In this case I went due
to family "obligations" (my mother was not upset I refused to go
to her father's funeral, but my aunt would not necessarily have
understood my reasoning without feeling hurt).

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of one phase, one style of life, and the beginning of another
and different experience in living. At least to those who believe
there is something after death. Others would say it is the end.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     much more struck about the difficulties facing the survivors than
the fate of the person who died.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...the mother of a friend of mine at school died
	of cancer and my mother took me to the funeral, I must have been
	around 11. Other than the death of my grandparents at an advanced
	age, most of the contact I've had with the topic has been linked to
	the deaths of the parents of school companions, or in a few cases,
	school companions themselves. Thus, until my sister's best friend
	drowned at 26, and my 27-year old cousin died in a car accident last
	year. At present, my best friend's mother is dying from pancreatic
	cancer at a pretty rapid rate, so the matter has specific proximity
	in my life.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how utterly senseless death seems when it involves someone who
has not yet lived a full life, no matter the age. Dying of old
age in your bed, surrounded by your loved ones, after you feel you
have completed whatever you came here to do during this lifetime,
is not tragic. Dying before you reach that point does seem to be
much more traumatic, particularly for those left to mourn.

--What I think my (Argentina) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is not the end, it is a liberation, no matter how frightening
it may seem to our ego. Cry not for the one who died, but for those
who remain to carry on and must deal with the pain of adjusting to
this new reality.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     through death one may go on with one's journey.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     contact with nature always reminds me that the universe is a
wonderful place, and that to be incarnated may be painful but is
also a privilege.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Thinking that before death itself, they may have suffered physical
pain or that due to their beliefs, such as that there is nothing
after death, had a traumatic death experience.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     If they are ill and dying slowly: 1)don't "kill" them before they
are actually gone. 2)don't skirt the issue, allow them to talk
about dying whenever they need to. 3) don't be melodramatic, they
have enough to deal with apart from your own pain at the situation.
 
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     The more solemn the faces around me, the bigger the "irreverent"
impluse to laugh becomes in me. We mourn for ourselves in reality,
and laughing at ourselves is a hell of a lot healthier than
moaning about how hard everything is.The person who died is gone,
unto another reality or dimension or whatever. We are still here
and must go on with our lives. Laughing reasserts our desire to do
so. As Valentine Michael Smith said in "Stranger in a Strange Land",
humans laugh because it hurts too much not to.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     There are always questions left unasked, conversations that never
took place and that after you wish you had had the chance to
have them.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Yes, I cry whenever I think deeply about the deaths of people I
cared about. But I think that is good, tears are a blessing, as
they allow us to

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     At the time I had not yet begun questioning the existence or not
of life after death, from my upbringing I kind of supposed there
was something but was not too interested in the topic.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     The intolerance evinced by most members of organized religions
regarding other people's beliefs in general and their concepts on
death in particular caused me to become a rabid agnostic by the
age of 16. The result, disbelief in life after death, was rather
frightening for a teenager to deal with, it caused much anxiety
about the possibility of death, my own and that of my loved ones.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Jun 21 13:18:17 1998
F19 in Woodbridge, VA =USA=
Name: Shevonne
Email: <panamamami-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student/Computer Science
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Madame Bovary, Loreley
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Flaubert, Hugo, Baudelaire
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: prostate cancer;   Aged: 71.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     something all of us have feared at one point or another.  The fear
vanishes when something significant and important happens in our
lives that changes our outlook in life.  We realize that death is
only the end of one phase of our existence and the beginning of
another.  Afterwards, death becomes an expected and chronological
part of everything in the world; especially our lives.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was confused.  People cryed who had never shed a tear before.
Even the most strongest ones became overcome with grief.  I felt
an emotion I had never felt and never wanted to feel again.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My great-grandmother passed away in the hospital with an error
	caused by the medical team.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how the family fell apart.  Death brings families closer or farther
apart.  In our case, it moved us farther apart.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is nothing to fear.  None of us know what death will bring;
but we need to stop fearing the unknown.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when my grandfather passed away, I became a stronger and more
independent person than I had ever been.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     music.  Music relaxed me very much.  Even though I feel guilty
typing this, it made me forget the pain and guilt I felt for just
a little while.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     never seeing this person again only in memories and dreams.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to always treat anyone good because it could be theirs or your
last day.
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     felt and how I overcame that grief.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was a little girl.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     everyone has a different way of expressing grief.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say a better farewell to my grandfather.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     pick myself up and do the things I always wanted to do.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I saw my grandfather's face for the last time and when they lowered
the casket.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the cost of the funeral.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     tried to think about every angle of what kind of things my loved
one is facing right now.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Music 
     My dreams also helped very much

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 
     I never said a proper farewell to my grandfather because of my
rebellion

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Jun 20 14:54:01 1998
M17 in Tampa Bay, Florida =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  10yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;   Aged: 50 something.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of one life, the beginning of another.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     shrugged it off.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My grandfather had a heart attack.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Going to Florida for the funeral.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     where we go.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Carrying on something in their memory.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my own thoughts and beliefs of death.
 
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I look forward to seeing them again in Stovokore.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     became a warrior.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic, but I do not follow its teachings.
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 
     It just sort of passed away.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Helping Other People cope 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Jun 20 13:53:19 1998
F21 in Queens, NY =USA=
Email: <maenglish-at-earthlink.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Housewife/Teacher/Tutor
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister,  4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: number of problems;   Aged: 35.

--Details: 
     She had watched all three of her brothers die years prior.  After the
last death, she gave up on living.  She stop eating, walking, ect.
As a result, she developed my physical problems.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     is process that all have experience at one point in time.  It is
something that all of us have to go through.  People deal with
death in many different ways, depending on their religious beliefs.
People die at different ages due to natual causes, drugs, accidents,
or dieases.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 10 years old.  It was the death of my father.  I stayed strong
to help my family out.  A year later I last a brother.  In total,
since 1988, I have lost 4 close family members.  I found myself
falling apart emontional the more I came to relize the toll it has
taken on the family.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My father died of a heart attack when I was
	10 years old.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the fact she was so young, 35.  She did not have to die.  I think
this death effected my mother the most.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My family, friends, and religion.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Knowing all they were going to miss here on earth.  My graduations,
awards, marriage, and being here to see me start my own family.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to let them know you are there if they need to talk, yell, or cry.
Do not force them to talk about anything they do not want to.
Let them come to you on their own time.
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I try not to think about it too much.  I have grown a to fear dying
a little bit.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     Also my family.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Jun 20 03:02:23 1998
M26 in Edmonton, Alberta =Canada=
Name: Melanie
Email: <Vienna-at-telusplanet.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Security
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident;   Aged: 19.

--Details: 
     drunk driver

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     entering a different level of conciusness, learning more lessons
that are  needed or wanted.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Cried, decided to discover how I felt about death.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...four friends in a car crash........drunk driver

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     feeling guilty as I was upset because he wasnt with
me..........thinking of myself, not being happy for him as he had
moved on.

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that is not a bad thing, we are still going to see each other again,
just in another form.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     makes me realize that the time we have on this plain is short,
and you have to hold what you have now.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my immediate family, and that they did not laugh or condone my
beliefs in life and life after death.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the seperation.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     holding them close, listening to them and reasuring them.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     they initially go.  It just seems a waste, to spend such a short
time here.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with them................isnt that always the way.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be a friend for the time I was.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     smiled, and knew everthing was okay..............he was okay,
I was okay......and this was how it is suposed to be.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     the foundation of what I belive, and that I wasnt the only one who
thought like that.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     current:wicca............past:anglican
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am not afraid to die now.................I just hope that I am
not in to much pain before I go to the other side.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Zoning Out 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Rage 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Jun 20 00:40:28 1998
F22 in Shoreline, WA =Kng County=
Name: Tania Biechler
Email: <ddyzgrl-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Director of a Boy's & Girl's Club
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer;   Aged: 50.

--Details: 
     It was all so sudden that i am still in denial.  My mother checked
into the hospital on July 30th for dizziness and never left.
She died on August 10 from cancer that we never knew she had.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a void of saddness and devastation

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     couldnt believe it happened.  My Sr. year in high school, a close
friend of mine died in a car accident.  I remember talking to her
that day, it was almost as if i could still reach out and touch her.
I would describe it as morbid.  Then I was sick from knowing that it
could be anyone at anytime.  You never know when tragedy will strike.
Its creepy to think that one minute she was driving and alive and
the next she was gone.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... A friend of the family, who was my age,
	died after the 3 wheeler they were riding went over a cliff.
	I was 8 yrs old.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     feeling so helpless and wanting to go back and do things differently.
I still shop for her when I'm out not realizing shes gone.  When I
see a shirt I'll say "Mom would love this" and then realize she
is gone.  The day before my mom died I said something really mean
to her not knowing she would really die.  How could I have been
so selfish?  I will live with this grief for the rest of my life.
There is no way I can turn back

--What I think my (Kng County) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to prepare yourself.  Some cultures bury there dead and then
go on with their lives as normal.  Some use it as a celebration
of after life.  Our culture is so dramatic, we spend too much time
dwelling on the grief and the past

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my mothers death was gracious.  We had a pastor there praying.
Someone was singing psalms from the bible.  My mother waited until
all 3 of her children were together in the room, something that
hadn't happened in 10 years, and then after she spent time alone
with all of us she looked at us and said "I Love You" and then died

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my family.  Having my family together again helped.  I am the "baby"
of the family and everyone saw how important it was not to leave
me behind.  My brothers are 10 years older than I and had their
own lives but invited me in to help me out.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing my mother will never know how i truely feel.  I will never
be able to go back and tell her i am sorry
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     dont be sad and crying.  My mother fought for 3 days to stay alive
because i was crying telling her she couldnt leave me.  I realized
that was selfish.  I told her it was her time, and then she left.
having her kids there meant everything to her
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     now live each day as the last one.  Never leave a loved one with
unkind words

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     how it got this far.  One day my mom is fine and the next were told
shes dying.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I never felt that way
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell my mom how I really feel inside.  Take back all the harsh
words i told her

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there when she died.  One comfort I have is knowing my mother
was surrounded by those she loved when she died
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my mother waited for all us to be there.  almost like she knew we
needed each other to get through everything.  Even to the end she
wasn't thinking of herself
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     i hate it when people say "Well shes in a better place now"  How
do we know this.... there is no proof of that

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     everything sets me off.  Atleast2 times a day i think i see my mom.
The obituaries, movies, the news, at night when i lay in bed i cry
thinking of how i treated her

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i would respect my mom and try hard to let her know how i really
feel inside

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     erase her death completly or atleast erase what i said to her before
she died
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and havnt stopped for 2 years. I also resent myself for the
way i disrespected my mother

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     complete hatred.  The way the hospital treated my mother is horrible.
They let the life drain out of her.  i would go in her roomand
pills would be caked in her mouth  not disolved.  They never bathed
her, almost as if they new she was going to die  so why bother.
They also transported her to a nursing home without consulting me.
I had no idea where my mother went
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     there wasnt time for hospice, her death was too sudden
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Her church was there to help us through her death.  they were
comforting because i almost believed there was a better place that
my mom went because of their beliefs
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     none current.  I was raised in a christian church for 6 years but
then ended up baptized catholic and goimg to a catholic school
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     i am not sure of what happens when we die
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     her funeral was so expensive.  I don't know what o woul've done if
it wasnt for my older brother.  we couldnt afford to do everything
we would have liked and that hurts.  It was very hard making sure
my mother was buried with dignity but this was also very costly.
It prompted me to purchase life insurance as well as my dad so none
of my loved ones are left with the burden of not having enough money
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it helped having alot of people there.  It was easier to deal with
it knowing enough people respected my mom and loved her as well.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     i almost enjoyed the attention i was getting

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     wrapping up unfinished business.  Putting old grudges behind you.
Then at the very end you feel peaceful, start seeing the light and
are reaching out for those that have died that you love

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it has been very long and time has not made it better.  It has been
2 years and i still do not feel better.  I am thinking of seeing
a counselor
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     We were in her room which was completly dark.  At this point her
speach was babble but there were certain things you could hear her
say clearly.  At one point she pointed across the room and asked me
who all thase people were.  We were alone but i told her they were
friends and her eto comfort her.  She also pointed to a bright light
that i couldnt see.  She sat up in bed and reached out for calling
"mom" who has been dead for years.  I was told to expect this and
i encouraged her to reach for her mom
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     My mom and i were actually on 'Sightings" for a N.D.E. special.
8 years before her death my mom was i a coma for 3 months during
which she had a stroke.  This left her paralyzed on her left side.
The Dr.'s  said she was brain dead and told us to pull the plug.I
fought for her and while in her coma, my gramma died.  The same
hour my gramma died, my mom awoke out of her coma.  Later she
was able to tell us that she had a near death experience(N.D.E.)
In her N.D.E. she was floating in a tonnel of light and approached my
gramma, her mom.  Behind my gramma she saw this beautiful being of
light in a flowing whie robe who she knew was Jesus.  My mom wanted
to go with her but my gramma said it is not time yet, go back.
My mom said she couldnt talk but that she communicated to her mom
that she coulnt move.  It was then that my gramma touched the right
side of my moms body.  This is the side that was not paralyzed.
My mom felt a warm sesation ron through her right side and lifted
her arm.  Then she woke up.  1 yr later my mom was walking, talking,
and living on her own
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I have no idea how to resolve them.  The only thing i know that would
help is to have the opportunity to go back and apologize to her.
I know one day we will see each other again and  i will have this
opportunity but until then i will have to live with m own grief
and hurt

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     It would help tremendously.  I never told my mom  i apprectiate
everything she has done for me.  I never told my mom i forgive her
for everything.  Most importantly i never told my mom how i really
feel and  and that i respect her

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Burial instructions should always be made aware of.  Cremation is a
very personal wish and it was hard not knowing or remembering what
my mother wanted

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am very scared of death.  I imagine my fathers death and how hard
that will be for me.  I dont think i can handle it.  I also imagine
my death and i am not ready for it.  Sometimes ill be so wrapped up
in thinking about the death of a loved one, imagining their funeral,
imagining what i would say, i find myself crying until i realize
its not true

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I prayed to god that he would allow me to talkto my mom one more time
in my dream so i could tell her how i feel and that i was sorry.
About 2 weeks after she died I had a dream i was at this girl name
Mary's house.  Mary was significant in the dream for several reasons.
I was never good friends with her but she was so kind and spiritual.
She was the leader in her youth group and not afraid to talk
about god.  I had not seen Mary in 3 years but in my dream i
was talking to her about my mothers death and how i wish i knew
there was a heaven.  She told me not to dodubt the works of God.
The telephone rang in my dream and it was my mom!  I was able to
ask her everything i wanted and to tell her how i really felt. Iwas
also able to apologize.  My mom and i talked for about 15 minutes.
She told me how happy she was and that she was able to run again.
I was so happy i was crying.  Then i woke up still crying, but for
the first time they were tears of happiness.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     like i said before, i never leave any loved one with harsh words.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     nothing

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it was hard to go back and type some tings out but it made me see my
feelings arnt really healthy and mabey i should get some counseling

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Fri Jun 19 18:22:06 1998
F15 in Eugene, Oregon =USA=
Name: Jennifer Lake
Email: <DaisyDuck53-at-juno.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  I was just looking around and came upon it.
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Prof/Studies: Life Guard and Student
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul, Chicken Soup for the Teenage
Soul
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: an Illness;   Aged: 65.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Where a person's life stops. The don't breath, they don't eat. Some
are burried underground, some are burned. Some go to Heaven,
other's might go to Hell. When you die, you never come back to earth.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was scared. I didn't know what to say or to do. I screamed and
cried. I was uncontrolable. When the funeral came, I was in
such denial that it was hard for me to show any emotion except
happiness. I was so cheerful, it made others sick. I didn't act
like my grandfather had just died, it was like he had just won
another award.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... mY Grandfather had been sick for quite a
	long time with Lukiemia and wasn't getting any better. Then one
	morning, April 4th to be exact my mom got a call from a hospital
	down in Las Vegas and told her that he fater was dead.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Screaming at my mom and my uncle. We had gone out to dinner at
the Rio in Las Vegas and my stupid Uncle Billy was yelling at
my mom because he wanted his share of the will. I jumped up and
yelled, "God Damnit, Billy! Shut the Hell up!" and I ran out of
the room. When I came back he asked me if I had something to tell
him. I told him he was acting like a baby. He said "No, I mean in
the way of an applogy." I told him no and he said I should respect
my elders. I told him if he started acting older than me then I
will respect him, but not until then.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     There isn't a "good" or a "better" way to die. It hurts everyone.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I'll always have my memories of my grandfather.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Talking to my doctor, and writing long letter to people I will
never send them to. Also crying.
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Just let people be there and help you. Denile is the worst thing.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I couldn't figure out if her was going to Heaven or the Hell.

--Religious Affiliation:
     I'm christian Baptist and I belong to the First Baptist Church of
Eugene, Oregon
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Rage 
     It was alot of things church, rage, music, crying, and talking
to people

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?  Memories

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 19 16:01:30 1998
F39 in Sparta, NJ =US=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Technical sales manager, Lucent Technologies
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  3 mos ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack or stroke;   Aged: 91.

--Details: 
     She died while taking a shower. She was a very modest woman, she
would have been mortified.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the time when we stop using the human body. It usually affects
other humans for life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     could not believe it could happen, especially to someone so young. I
remember a 3 year old boy who suffocated in a milk box in our
neighborhood when I was 4 or 5, but I didn't go to a funeral until
I was 8 - 10.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a kid in fifth grade was riding his motorbike
	down a dirt trail with an unmarked wire across it, it broke his neck.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     I kept looking at my grandmother in her casket, and thinking I
saw her moving, or on the verge of smiling. It made me feel very
disoriented.

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Not to waste land burying dead bodies.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I believe that the dead are here with us and watch over us.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not getting to say goodbye.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say goodbye.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about how unhappy she was in the end, and how even if I
could have said goodbye, that she wouldn't have understood.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that she had to die naked in the shower.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     None/Lutheran
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like there are other planes of existence.
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Most days I just don't care when I am going to die or why.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Books & Films 
     I enjoy believing in the stories that deal with people who died,
came back and remembered what happened


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Crying and Crying 
     Not saying all the things to the person who died, before they died,
or guilt.
 
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I did get teary-eyed. It is good to remember those who went
before us.

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Fri Jun 19 14:33:16 1998
M60 in Jasper, GA =US=
Name: Wm. Wells
Email: <William.Wells4-at-gte.com>
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Prof/Studies: Health Care Trainer, Theology
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: COPD other Complications;   Aged: 84.

--Details: 
     Mother was tired, difficulty in breathing, we asked her if she
was ready to go, she said yes.  We stayed with her and in about 15
minutes she died quietly.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The natural end of having lived.  For some it is seen as a transition
from life in the body to life in the spirit.  For others it is
simply the end of a conscious life with nothing to follow.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 9 years old.  My grandmother died and I did not want to go to
the funeral.  Everyone was so sad that I simply did not want to go
where all that sadness was.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The last few moments I had alone with my mother.  She was speaking of
not being able to "do" things for us, such as cook when we visited
and that she could not "leave" very much.  I told her that her
legacy was simply in her being.  She was a very unique, caring,
gentle, and kind woman.  Her life of gentle goodness was a legacy
worth more that anything financial.  She spoke of how thin her
hands had become and all I could see was a mother's hands.  I held
them and told her that those are the gentle hands of a mother who
raised her children and her touch was always precious.

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     To not be so afraid, to, as someone put it, not worry so much about
the number of the days but the quality . . ."western man lives life
short and thin . . . eastern man lives life short and fat"...how
true this is I am not sure, but I do like the concept of life lifed
well, no matter the number of days.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Being able to be with a mother when her retarded child died.
She was crying, saying that the one great regret was she never heard
him say mama.  He began to make noises, gutteral, and animal like.
She went to him, took a cool damp cloth and began to sing to him and
wipe his face and hands.  The child began to coo sweetly.  It struck
me he was saying mama in his own way.  I told her this, she began
to cry and told him, you are saying mama, (she repeated this over
and over) until he died a few minutes later.  The nurses came and
"unhooked" the child had we placed him in her lap.  She rocked him,
cried, petted him, and said again over and over, "you said mama".
I will always be grateful I was there and was led to think and tell
her he was saying mama.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My wife, her loving gentle touch and caring.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I could not be there prior to the time of death as I would have
liked to have been.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     There is a certain ministry in presence.  Words at times get in
the way of genuine caring when we try to "explain" our sympathy.
A gentle touch, a hug, and just being there is a comfort.
 
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     was able to deal with the loss of a brother on a submarine where
no bodies were recovered.  How I was finally able to bring about
some closure through going to the memorial, and through contact
with his children and wife.  Being there for them.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     No answer

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Our family tells stories.  We often tell stories of my mother and
brother and laugh as we did even at the funeral.  We celebrated
their lives, mourned their loss, and grieved for ourselves.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Be with my brothe more in the last few years before the sinking of
the submarine.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be at his home while the search was taking place, to try and help
so many young wives deal with the agony of the ordeal of thinking
of what their husbands might be going through.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I was the older brother, the oldest son.  I always saw it as my
duty in a family or divorce to "take care" of everyone.  I think of
my brother in the submarine and still at times feel I should have
been with him to "take care: of him through what must have been an
awful ordeal of dying that way.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     The particular hospice that took care of my mother was wonderful.
Having been a hospice administrator and corporate director or
education and staff development I am somewhat rfamiliar with what
some do and do not do.  Like anything else there are some that
are excellent, some good, and some that should not be allowed
to continue.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Comfort of firends, a reassurance of our faith.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     There is a comforting feeling that we are not just so much blood,
skin and bones, here for a while and then gone with no real purpose,
meaning or hope.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     Of little or no consequence.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The number of people whe came from so many distant places to
"pay their respects" to my mother.  How many lives she touched
and influenced.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Those physical signs and symptoms that death is near, and the peace
that some people have, even amid the pain, etc.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Beautiful music, as though a choir of angles were welcoming her.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     No unresolved issues.  Ouf family has always been close, very loving
and honest.  We talked about whatever was a "problem" and did not
leave thing unsettled.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Just tell them again how much I love them, how I miss them,how much
they (mother and brother) mean to me still.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I have my advance directives and living will completed.  I have also
made know in writing what I want for my funeral.  We are going to
have a good time.  I want the funny stories talked about, the good
times remembered, and since I have traveled much of my life and loved
it, after the hymns, etc., close the funeral with  Willie Nelson's
"On The Road Again".  The kids like it.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have no fear.  In fact, there have been times when I was very
ill, if it was only me, I would have simple "given up the spirit".
But the though of my family, my wife, my children being sad would
not allow that.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I write, letters, poems, just sentences when I feel especially
close or am thinking of the past, both good times and hard times.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I do not want to live as one person put it "past my mind".  I have
a little poem above the place where I write that says "When I no
longer can be me, then I no longer want to be"

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     How well

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     Those people who seem to be uncomfortable, I simply wish they could
know that their presence and caring was enough.  They did not have
to try to explain anything.  Just being there was enough.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 19 06:23:02 1998
F33 in Johannesburg, Gauteng =South Africa=
Name: Anretha Kendall
Email: <anrethak-at-global.co.za>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Marketing Manager
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More personal info: 
     Not at the moment
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  1 week ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia;   Aged: 82.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of an era, the forever changing of a situation for the
people who loved this dead person, and end.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was in utter shock.  This time, although I was also in shock,
the absolute feeling of emptiness is what stands out the most

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a friend died at the age of 15 in a motorcycle
	accident

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     sitting at the grave afterwards having a very clear feeling that
this is it.  No angels, no spirits, no heaven, no hell, all previous
beliefs I had myself in question.

--What I think my (South Africa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to not fear it for oneself.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I saw family members I never expected to be human, show humane
actions and close family brought closer by the experience

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Too soon to say, spending time alone at the grave helped, my children
depending on me helped and definitely friends.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the foreverness of it all.  My father was the spine of the mobile,
and the scales now tipped with no knowledge if it will ever
equalise again
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     It was all a blur, a huge blur.  Crying one minute, absolute giggles
about fitting a steering lock the next.  
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be at his bedside when he died.  Spend more time with him before
his death. Listened more to his pleas about not coping with my
mother's fighting anymore, listening to his death wishes.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have such a great relationship with him, that I loved him totally
unconditionally and him me.  He was the only person I felt really
cared about me and it made me warm knowing that.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my brother cried.  He is 40, I am 33 and it was the first time in my
life I saw him cry.  It somehow made me feel better,  maybe knowing
I am not alone. My very real urge that he should be dressed in a
suit and not a death robe, got vetoed from all over
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     The coffin.  What does it matter?  The worms eat it anyway

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I am not nearly over it, it will get better, but it will never
go away.  What pains the most at the moment, is visualising the
body rotting in a grave somewhere and no one visiting him.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would spend more time with him, go visit him more often.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he got buried without wearing his suit. that he did not give
me a "deathbed", I expected to be there. That he left me nothing,
I was his favorite child and nothing, I even asked for a sign from
his grave, but buggerall.  Logically, I know, but somehow I expected
more from him. That there is no God, no heaven, no hell, no angels,
no spirits.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Jump down the grave and spend a few minutes with him.  Touch him
and talk to him
 
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     no care.  They don't give a damnl.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     N.A.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Wonderful for them to be able to make it so simple.  I need logical
truth and somehow know I will not find it.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Christian, did not work this time around.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     One huge question, this is how I found this site, looking for answers
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     not that important.  Banks are vultures and pigs, humans stink in
general, but as a family it was not an issue.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Caring people all around, the funeral house was great, I never
thought they would be, but they were really great.  So many people
loved him, it was not just at the funeral, but the food, flowers,
love sent from all over was overwhelming and a great comfort.
Every person that phoned had a little "quipp" they wanted to share
about him.  It was warm knowing he was such a good, wonderful,
loved person by so many.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     such clear visuals of his body rotting in the grave.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     no answers

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I have just started this process, will do the questionaire again
in a couple of months and see what changed.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     started happening long before he actually died.  He visited many
dead friends and relatives for more than a year before he actually
died, which makes me think that he himself had a deathwish
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     None
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     He had 2 wishes for me,  to stop smoking and to teach my children
religion. I stopped smoking 3 days ago and it is actually not so
bad, maybe he is here holding my hand (Smoked for 15 years with
out quitting once except when pregnant) Will resolve the religion
issue with the children on my own journey for knowledge now, I just
know the answer  to that will come to me.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would just want to hold him and never let go.  We knew how dearly
we loved each other, but who is going to look after me now?

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I don't want to be buried in a 6 foot hole, I don't want to be
cremated, my body must be donated to science and my organs donated,
my family knows that, but I somehow think that they will not do
that for me as their beliefs are so different.  Who will look after
my choldren?

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am not scared of death, I would like to get my children on their
own feet obviously before it happens, and I feel sorry for them if I
have to die, but for myself I have not had any fear for a long time.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I know I need to gain as much knowledge as possible now on all
the theories, religion, reincarnation, the 4th millenium, etc.
Logical knowledge has to help.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Too soon

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I dont' feel like helping anyone at the moment, I just want to help
myself.  Sounds harsh, I have always been a codependant caregiver
to everyone else, this time I only want to look after myself.
I need my friends that I can discuss all these issues with, that
can listen and are on the same plane as me.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I been through all of these feelings already, I need to read a
lot now, I need knowledge, but I somehow think that in a couple of
months time this questionaire is going to have a different effect.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Nope

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 19 01:05:46 1998
F33 in newark, ca =usa=
Name: m.nejat
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: grocery supervisor
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: emphasema/heart failure;   Aged: 66.

--Details: 
     my father had emphasema for many years, but his final demise took
place over about a two month agonizing hospital stay in which he
never left icu till his final day. it was a horrible experience
for the whole family waste away from a very intelligent man to a
tiny shadow of himself with many periods of confusion.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to understand what was going on. i didnt cry and i
didnt feel as sad as maybe i should have

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was..my mother,brothers and i went to my grandmothers
	house. I opened the gate,saw her legs on the ground, then my mom
	pushed me back. later she told us that grandma had died .

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how horribly prolonged it was, and the fact that we all felt a bit
guilty to feel relief as well as grief

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     we should learn how to respect the dead without the big business
associated

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when my dad died, my 5 brothers and sisters and i formed a bond
that was never there before.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     having someone who would listen,didnt matter who, and let me vent
all my problems and stresses
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     i already suffered from panic and anxiety so it was very hard
for me to add this stress and still function as wife, mother and
working women
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i am lucky that my family and friends are all able to understand
how varied normal reactions can be
 
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     spend more time with dad in the hospital before he died than i
probably did in the previous 2 years.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     sobbed in a way i never had, then after a few hours the relief,
both for my dad who had suffered so , and for my own stress started
to sink in

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they wanted to save my fathers life, but it became increasingly
obvious that he would not have any sort of life if he did survive.;
the med. personnel were very supportive
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     my mothers minister was of great help to her
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     i was raised attending a variety of churches. i converted to islam
8 years ago
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we were lucky money was no issue
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the loving and caring we felt

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     living in 2 worlds one of death and disease, then going to work
with a smile on my face to greet customers

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Distractions 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     i feel i helped my mother by making sure she didnt feel she was
going through this alone

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 19 00:22:45 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Looking for data on shyness
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	None
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Murder    5 friends;   Aged: 18-64?.

--Details: 
     They were murdered in the course of a robbery

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The End

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Got upset and cried

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...The first death I recall is the death of my
	Uncle Joe from kidney failure, I was 6. My recolections are more
	of the funeral, I remember the casket was open and I was scared.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Getting really pissed at the priest who was telling every one that
the deceased was going to heaven, I bit my tongue for the sake of
the others present. This person had died of complications due to
AIDS and I kept thinking of the hypocracy of that priest and what
he represented.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That death is the end and we should be working on prolonging and
improving live for those who are alive.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My lover
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The needless prolongation of suffering that my grandfather went
through with his cancers no pain reliever worked for the last 6
months he was alive. he asked to die over and over again but he
couldn't die with dignity because assisted suicide is againt the law.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Allow them to die with dignity... give them permission to go
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     support assisted suicide

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 
     It's kind of like dealing with the sun riseing, it's going to happen
to us all(unless the perfect that cloneing thing)

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     I do not believe in god...most funerals involve some "priest"
talking about a supposed reward in the afterlife ...it's almost as
if the clergy enjoy funerals  as an affirmation of their leadership
role over "death cults" after all most religions look forward to
some reward in some supposed "afterlife" and you have to die to go
to heaven.  so  death and funerals serve as a constant reminder for
the religious of the end and the rituals associated with death help
to deepen our fear of being mortal.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jun 18 19:51:15 1998
F38 in Kearny, nj =USA=
Name: Linda S.
Email: <lindalaroo-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  links about death and dying
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Prof/Studies: Supervisor, Client services
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Dr. Kubler Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter,  3 months  ago.
Cause of Death: Brain cancer;   Aged: 6 years old.

--Details: 
     Claire battled brain cancer for 4 years. She was dx. at 2 1/2 years
old.  I knew she would die after she relapsed in sept of 1996 but I
always had hope.  She was full of life and had a terrific sense of
humor.  For the last 8 days of her life we had Hospice.  Hospice helped
to coordinate care for Claire at home and she died where she wanted
to be.  Hospice made that possible for us.  I cared for Claire,
Hospice arranged for all that we needed for Claire to died at home.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     A transition to another life.  Engery never dies.  When Claire died
I knew she was not there anymore but someplace else.  With God.
She is in my heart everyday.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     look at it as an observer not a participant

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was in 3rd grade and a school mate die.
	I did not know her but me and my friends followed the class on our
	way home to a funeral palor that is around the corner from my house.
	We went in out of curisotiy.  I found a young beautiful child lying
	in a coffin.  I did not cry but was sad for her and her family.
	Two years later my grandmother died suddenly and I had a very hard
	time going to see her in the coffin.  My mother's comment to me
	was, "if you could go see a stranger (referring to the child) then
	you could go see your grandmother!"

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Is the impact one life has on others.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     we will all die.  we are all terminal.  and that we need each other

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Is the life of my daughter.  She was a gift from heaven.  The six
years of her life were lived to the fullest.  She had a tremenous
impact on everyone she came in contact with because she was so full
of life.  Her whole essenses was love and humor.  She loved people.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I had a couple of friends who not only anticipated things and acted
on them but was there through out.  They carried me when I could
not walk myself.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Missing my daughters love and laughter and her life with me.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Take things upon yourself and just do them.  The saying, let me know
if I can do anything, is really just doing nothing.  Sometimes it
is so hard to ask and when someone just takes things in their own
hands and just *does*   Wow, what an impact
 
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Claire died on a Tues., I did not cry until nightime when no one
was around.  The next day a friend took me around to buy Claire's
dress and my other daughter's clothes for the wake on thurs.
I was a complete mess.    I was so nervous at before the wake.
I was going through the motions.  I wasn't going to wear make up,
but then I thought and Claire always like to see me in full make(she
was a real girly girl) and she would be upset if she ever saw me cry.
So I put the make up on and vowed that I would not mess it up by
crying because Claire wouldn't like that.  When we went to the
funereal home and saw how beautiful she look (oh, God she was so
sick that last few weeks). I laughed and told stories of Claire
and honored her with the gift of laughter that she gave me.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I have no regrets.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     to be with my daughter, alone as she died.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I will never get over the death of Claire.  I will live with it.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that so many people do not appreciate life and the gifts that we
all have.  Especially here in the US.  People are so caught up in
petty stupid things, it really makes me wonder.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I did not hear about the death of my daughter, I was there.
It was not unreal, but surreal.  I had anticipated her death,
and was relieved it was over and that she did not suffer as much
as she could have.   However, it hit me at night.  I stay up all
night crying.  I have cried every night for the past four years.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     The medical community are people too.  The organizations that they
work for are business.  How well they are depends on the top people
who convey their attitude down.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     they are wonderful.  They help me, to take care of Claire at home.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Catholic
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     My belief is that life is what you make of it.  Sometime we do not
have choices but many times we do.  We have to use our gifts and help
other people.  I believe their is a divine spirit, (GOD) and he loves
all people.  I think alot of people create their own hell on earth.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     The wake, church, burial plot cost $10,000.  This was not an 
extravagant funeral, just the price in my area.  This does not include a
headstone.  I did not have life ins. so I had to pay out of my own
pocket.  I now know of things like mail order caskets, etc. however,
when faced with a dying child, still clinging for any kind of hope,
the thought of shopping around is really stomach turning, however
the cost is so high, Hey I have other kids I have to raise too.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Many people came.  People who really care and had been through the
battle with me.  What was sad, (I am divorced) my ex's family sat
alone with no one going to them.  But really no one knew them and
they never were around.  It was sad seeing them there all stiff
and sad, crying.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I knew I did everything I could to save my daughter's life.
And when that was not possible, I help to make her comfortable.
And then I let her go.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     concentrated urine.  very strong odor.  No urine when cath. 
coldness in the legs and arms.  shallow breathing.  Seeing people
who are not there.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Claire mention a couple of times about *who is that lady over there*.
No one but me was there.  It was very strange, but I knew someone
was there, Claire did not recogized the lady, but she did see her.
She was not on heavy meds at the time.
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     It would be like it was before she died.  I would say I love you
Claire, and she would say I love  you mom.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I planted a beautiful garden at Claire's grave.  I find peace
tending to it.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     I have had a fear of death since my grandmother died.  It was not
until my six year old daughter died after a long battle with brain
cancer had I been able to overcome death.  I feel now that I have
nothing to fear.  I was with her when she died.  I miss her now. But
I know I will be with her someday

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 
     Because I had not have any experience with losing someone close to
me at age 9, I feel that my mother's insenitivy helped to create a
fear of death.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jun 18 08:57:14 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accident;   Aged: 51.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - -

1st Death event occurred in my life at:         Young Child
                        How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Music

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Music

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jun 17 20:37:28 1998
M27 in New Philadelphia, Ohio =USA=
Name: J.Miller,Jr.
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Prof/Studies: Restaurant Manager
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	The Tao of Inner Peace
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer;   Aged: 57.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     for some of us a beginning, and for some of us an end,but  for me
I'm not really sure which.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my step-grandfather died.I was quite young. At
	first there was no feelings at all, but the moment I saw the body
	in the casket I broke down.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     loss like I've never known.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I really learned how to give of myself.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my wife and having a baby girl just two months later.Also  many long
hikes and any time I can spend in silent meditation recollection
or study.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     dealing with the doctors apparent indifference. Seeing people
visit out of "duty".
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     only be there out genuine desire. There is no greater disrespect
than humoring someone in their last days. If you didn't have time
for someone while they were alive don't patronize them  on their
death bed
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     when the doctor said that death was inevitable and would be soon
and there was nothiing left to do but wait.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I feel no regret.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     join him,but there is so much to live for. I learned how to live
every moment to the fullest just like my dad did. I don't know 
it for a fact but I like to believe that my father's appreciation
 for life came from the death of his father, and that somehow he
has bestowed or bequeathed this gift to me upon his passing
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried hard and long but I also had a sense of relief since I  had
seen my father suffer for about a year.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     outrage. I have lost all faith in mainstream medicine. Several
 doctors told my father there was nothing that could be done.
We turned to alternative methods, and my father survived eleven
months past the prognosis of the "doctors". 
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     hospice, in my opinion, is the legalization of the work of Dr.
Kervorkian. It concerns me that an organization that is in  control
at the end of a persons life is a part of Social Security.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I tend to lean away from organized religion, although it seemed
to provide relief or outlet for many in my family during this time
 I felt no need to look outside of my own mind for strength and
 comfort.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I was raised in a Baptist church, attended a Christian school
through graduation, and attended a year at a Christian college 
preparing for youth ministry. I am now an agnostic.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I feel and believe in spirit but I have no grasp on the concept.
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Religion/Clergy 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jun 17 18:17:18 1998
M21 in Chicago, IL =usa=
Email: <jcesari-at-luc.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  on yahoo, searching for psych of religion homepages
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Prof/Studies: Psychology Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: kidneys failing/old age;   Aged: 80.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when our bodies can no longer function in a way which sustains our
physical life.  That is, at some point one's body no longer works in
a way which allows our brain to continue functioning, and it stops.
All bodily functions, including our own consciousness, stops.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't really mind because I didn't understand it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My grandfather died; he had lived with our family for a number of
	years, and then moved into a nursing home when he began to need
	full-time care.  A few years after the move, he died, mostly from
	natural causes, or "old age" as we were told.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how much it affected our family and the happiness of everyone in it.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to be realistic and rational about it.  Death is the end of
everything, and our culture should take our only life more seriously.
When people begin to admit that nothing exists after death, it makes
life more meaningful and important.  It wakes people up and makes
them try to better their life HERE, not waiting for some better
life after death.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it made our family stronger as it had to deal with a tragedy.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my (now defunct) belief in religion and an afterlife, a place in
which my grandmother could go and be happy after death.  That helped
to take away some of the negative feelings.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more quality time with the person who died.

--Religious Affiliation:
     current: Agnostic Atheist past: catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like a lie.  I think the thing that transcends cultures is not
our spirit, but our inability to deal with the fact that one's
consciousness and life can suddenly stop, utterly and completely.
I think this fear within people is what unites them and their
religions.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     there was none.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Nothing like that has ever happened to me.  However, I think that it
would be near-impossible to find someone who has had this experience
that wasn't asleep, under the influence of drugs (medicinal or
other), actually near-death (i.e., loss of oxygen to the brain), etc.
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     It has often been said that the only thing that is sure in life is
that we all will die someday. That's definitely the truth--there's no
stopping it, no avoiding it.  And when death finally comes, you're
screwed, simply put.  You have no second chances, no afterlife,
nothing.  My thoughts on death make me realize how valuable my life,
and everyone else's life, really is.  It makes me appreciate every
second  I have and live this life to the fullest.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     I was really too young to feel much sorrow from it; I didn't really
understand.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jun 17 07:32:25 1998
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack;   Aged: 72.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 9 years old, and didn't know the person very well.  I did
become emotional.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great grandmother died.  I didn't even
	know her very well.  I just knew she was grandpas mother.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     it was the first death in our family that really affected me.
All my uncles and aunts were very emotional.  I cryed when I viewed
the body.  I guess it didn't seem real.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

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Tue Jun 16 21:48:23 1998
Anonymous Guest Grand Junction, CO  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when our physical body dies.  Our soul or spirit is released from
the constraints of it's body, and roams all dimensions of existence.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My friend's father died of a heart attack.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is not an end, but a continuance in a different form.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     I've never viewed death as negative or bad.  Death is a relief
from life.

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Tue Jun 16 21:29:12 1998
F16 in Muskogee, Oklahoma =United States of America=
Name: Amanda
Email: <popqueen-at-intellex.com>
   Web: http://www.intellex.com/~popqueen/
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: High School Student
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More personal info: 
     God is good!
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 17.

--Details: 
     His "note" said he loved his girlfriend (me) very much and that
he'd miss me.  His parents were having to sell the brand new car
they bought him, he was failing English class, and his dog was very
old and was going to be put to sleep.  His brother and I went to
the store and Mike didn't want to go.  While we were gone he took a
rifle out of his antique gun collection, loaded it, and put the gun
in his mouth and killed himself.  We (his brother and I) returned to
their house to find police, ambulance, and neighbors surrounding a
puddle of blood in his room along with his rifle and suicide note.
I am still not over it.  I still keep the "promise ring" that he
gave to me a month before it happened (a promise ring is a ring to
promise engagement later on).

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Sometimes natural and sometimes not.  Death is also a spiritual
thing, as I think of it.  When I die I know I'll go to Heaven to be
with my Lord and Savior and personally I cannot wait to see Jesus
so I'm actually looking forward to it.  If you're not religious,
sometimes, death can be scary and even if you ARE religious death
can alos become scary but you have to think positive about it.
Never take your death in your own hands.  It's a very selfish
thing to do because it hurts others so much more greater than a
natural death would.  Believe me...if my boyfriend died of a natural
cause rather than suicide I wouldn't hurt so badly inside.  Also,
I'd be 100% sure that he's in a better place...but since I believe
suicide is a sin against God, I'm not sure where he is right now.
But I'm hoping to see him in Heaven someday soon!  :)

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     wasn't very shocked because I knew he was dying in the first place.
The only problem I had about his (my grandpa's) death was that
I wasn't sure if he was a Christian or not or if he asked God's
forgivness before he passed on.  That's what makes me so sad because
if I knew that he did ask forgiveness then I would KNOW he's in
Heaven...but I DON'T know anything about where they are and that's
what really gets to me.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My grandpa was dying of cancer and he just
	died.  He was old so my other relatives and I took it quite well.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that his head was recunstructed so good that he didn't even look
like he did when I saw him on the floor dead.  He was buried in
his weight lifting t-shirt and with trophies that he got for weight
lifting in high school.  He would have graduated from High School
in May of this year (1998).  He was buried with a picture of him
and his brother and also with the "promise ring" I had given to
him when we traded.  I remember how he felt the last time I got to
touch his hand...it wasn't at all how he use to feel.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that his father wasn't a Christian and neither some of his friends.
After his death, his father received Jesus as his savior as well
as some of his other friends.  They realized how Mike's death
affected them and I think God uses people's death to reach out to
some other people.  Without Mike's death his dad and a few of his
friends would not be Christians.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I know this may seem weird, but I talk to Mike.  I truely think
he can hear me although I cannot hear him.  I ask him to help me
do stuff sometimes.  Like the other day, me and some friends were
bowling and I was REALLY embarrasing myself because I just CANNOT
bowl.  I silently looked at the bowling ball and asked Mike if
he could help me roll it down the alley (because Mike was a VERY
good bowler).  All of the sudden I rolled it, without making a
"gutter ball" and even made a strike!  For the rest of the game
Mike helped me bowl and I didn't make all strikes but I did make
113 points!  :)  That was pretty good compaired to the 30 something
points I made in the first game.  I think if you've lost a loved
one you should talk to them and pretend that they're in the room
with you...pretty soon you'll KNOW they're in the room with you
because you'll see them do things through yourself and other things.
It's really hard to describe but I do believe that they can hear
you when you talk to them.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that I had to wait until my death to actually see them again.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     if they aren't forgiven by God MAKE SURE that before they take their
last breath that you tell them that they need God in their life,
even though they don't have much of a life left.  If you don't do
this and you are a Christian it will always be in your conscience.
Make sure that you ask them if they'd like you to pray with them for
God to ask their forgiveness.  And make sure they mean it sincerely.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     not go to the store and left Mike alone.  Maybe he would have
mentioned to me that he was thinking of suicide and I could have
talked him out of it.  But this all was God's will and whatever was
his will goes and that's final!  No matter what you may think you
could have done, you couldn't have...and you SHOULDN'T HAVE!!!
If death is God's will, let it be because God works in VERY
mysterious ways and God's will is always, and I TRUELY mean ALWAYS,
for the best of the better.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     sometimes when I remember anything about him I start bawling.
It's something that you just cannot control no matter how hard
you try.  One time I was in the middle of a library, about 4 months
after he died, working on the research paper we were working on
together and I just started thinking about him...I had to go to
the bathroom so that no one would see me crying so hard.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     If Mike was still living he'd be taking me out on a date tonight!
:)  Hehe

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     began to heal.  At first I was like, "He's not dead...he just
isn't...and that's final!"  But after about two days, it hit me.
I began to start crying and weeping.  Normally, you'd think I'd
start crying the first time I heard it...I was in a state of shock
for two days and then I came out of it.  Crying means healing...and
therefore I was starting to heal.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     everything.  My church and pastor and my youth group were SOOOO
much there for me.  Without any of them I would probably not have
the positive views about Mike's death that I do have today.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I am VERY religious and I trust, believe, and love God with all
my heart.  I am very active in church and I'm a Free Will Baptist.
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     staying with the family at the funeral home that night before
the funeral.  They invited me to be with them inside Mike's room
at the funeral home to say our "goodbyes" and to talk about him
and to remember him in special ways.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Well, since I talk to him all the time there really isn't any
particular thing that I haven't said to him yet.  The only thing I
wish is to hear him talk to me.  I'd like to know what he's doing
and I'd like to hear him tell me he loves me again...it's been so
long but I don't feel that I don't know him anymore because I still
know him.  When people die, they're still alive, but they're just
not on earth anymore...they're somewhere else but they're still
alive...That little thought helps me alot.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't know when I'm going to die...all I know is that I'm
completely ready for death.  I can't wait until I get to see Jesus,
Mike, my Grandpa, and George Washington!  :)  Hehe

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 
     I didn't know him as well as I should have so I wasn't too sad.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Jun 16 15:05:17 1998
F25 in eau claire, wisconsin =usa=
Name: kristen
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  yahoo-psyc. studies
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Prof/Studies: teacher
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;   Aged: 79.

--Details: 
     My Grandpa was a healthy man who  was very ative in the community
with his wife.  He went outside to mow the lawn and had a heart
attack.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a passing of a person into a safe and beautiful place.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     crying for a week and finally getting my happy thought

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to cope better with death.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     knowing Grandpa affected hundreds of people. He was the most generous
man I will ever know.  He gave so much of himself to his wife,
family, friends, and the kids he worked with.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     figuring out how to let go, and seeing Grandma for the first time
after Grandpa's death.
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     sometimes laughter comes at the stranges times as a way to cope.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say good-bye.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have Grandpa at my wedding.  I am the only one of the 5 grandchildren
who will have that wonderful privelege.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear certain songs, read certain poems, it rains.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     haven't reached that point yet.

--Religious Affiliation:
     Lutheran
 
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I looked out of my window the night Grandpa died.  It was the middle
of a thunderstorm.  I cried and said good bye.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     crying and remembering the good times

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Crying and Crying 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Jun 16 10:19:41 1998
F36 in Mansfield, CT =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend,  10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stabbing;   Aged: 26.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     mysterious. It is an end to all conscious life, but it can't be
known if we remain alive in another form, other than the physical
beings we relate to daily.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     freaked out. I was eight and was told that my uncle would like to
"see" me one more time. Being a child, I was unsure just what I
was about to view. Upon viewing the empty shell that was once my
dear uncle, I ran into the ladies room, and locked the door.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was eight years old, and my favorite uncle
	died from cancer.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how truly fragile life is. My friend was killed at the age of
26, a strong, active member of society. She was, probably, the
kindest person I have ever known. She was very soft-spoken and
easy going. The old saying, "only the good die young" rang over
and over in my head when I learned of her death.  The fact that it
was a brutal killing made me feel as if there should have been some
way I, or someone else, could have prevented it.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my friends. We all "hung out" as a group. I was not the only
person who would miss my friend. She was OUR friend, and we all knew
what she had meant to us. The bond we shared strengthened and we,
perhaps, spread ourselves a little thinner, in a manner of speaking,
to fill the void that was left after her death.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     she was my friend. She was not an aunt or an uncle or someone that,
as much as I may love them, you are born into  each others lives. She
was my friend; someone I CHOSE to love. She was someone with whom
I had bonded and shared a special relationship.
  
--[My GirlFriend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     think of her often. I don't try to bury the deep feelings of loss I
still feel. I visit her grave and talk to her, I give her updates on
what everyone in our "group" is doing with their lives. I believe
that her soul is somewhere else. I don't know where, but I know
that what she had was too strong to just die. I hope, that when I
"talk" to her, I somehow connect with her soul. I know she is not
lying there under her headstone listening to me, but it helps me
to do this. This is as close as I can physically get to her, now. I
take what I can get. I do this for me. In a strange way, it helps.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I ask myself what the threshold between life and death is. How does
it feel to "cross over". I cannot fathom the transition.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with her. As I said, she was so GOOD. I wish I
could have learned more from her. I think perhaps, in retrospect,
many people feel the person who has gone was some sort of saint. I
am certain, I am not canonizing her. She was sweet and kind to
everyone she met. I always see the glass as half empty, whereas
she saw it half full. Her optimism was contagious when I was with
her. As a testament to her good nature; at her funeral the church was
overflowing...people attended the service from the sidewalks. Many
people loved her.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     lean on my friends, and realize I was not the only one who felt
cheated and empty. We were (and still are) a strong network of
friends.
 
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think we would still be great friends, but I think we would
have drifted into more separate lives. We would be in touch but
would have moved on, our relationship changed, but  the bond still
strong. If/when I need an honest opinion or a good heart to appeal
to, it might still be hers that first comes to mind.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     go back in time and intervene. What happened to her should not
have happened. If she would have reached out to someone, and let
them know that things had gotten so out of control, things might
be different now. She was strong, and wanted to  work things out
on her own and would not give in or settle for less than what she
thought things should/could be. She  stood strong, and eventually
fell, because of her belief that things would turn out well, if
she worked hard enough to make it happpen.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     became very angry.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     NOTHING. At that point in my life I felt very let down. I thought:
how could God take her from us at such a young age, when she was
just making her mark on the world and could set such a good example
for us all.
  Later, I came to terms with it by thinking: God wanted her back,
  or needed her somewhere else. I learned to appreciate the time
  I did have with her in my life. 
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the feeling that she wasn't really gone. I still feel that way now,
after ten years. I don't think of it as denial. I no longer feel
angry, now I tend to smile when I think of  her and I almost want
to call her on the phone....even today.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
      I do not fear death. I am very curious. I am not ready, at this
 point, to find out about it, but who is ever ready? Not many. There
 are times when life is so cruel or unfair or just plain hard,
 that I feel, truly, I would welcome death.
But that is only reactionary. I don't dread it or think of it as
being a bad thing. I would only hope people who are close to me
aren't "hurt" or affected too deeply by my passing. In the case
that I have alluded to throughout this questionnaire, I think alot
of people were hurt and very deeply affected because the death was
due to a brutal murder of a young woman with so much promise.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     As difficult as I thought it would be, I was able to be  strong
for the people close to me. As crushed as my heart was by the
whole affair, when my friends were at their lowest, they knew they
could turn to and lean on me. It is like the stories you hear of
super human strength due to adrenalin flow or such, you muster
what you need at the times you need it, whether for yourself or
for others. As  deep as I felt I was sinking, I still was able
to keep myself afloat for anyone who needed me. I don't know how,
it just went that way.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It is almost a cleansing feeling. As if I was able to speak with
a counselor on the matter. I don't know that I really  need the
feedback a counselor would offer, I just need to get it out...to vent
to someone other than those directly affected by the death. I realize
now, that although I may be more forgiving at this point towards
an awful wrong that was done, I still feel the pain very deeply.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jun 15 12:35:19 1998
F56 in Buena, Vista, TN. =USA=
Email: <denniss-at-iswt>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: caregiver
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More personal info: 
     If I can help anyone with  getting  to understanding  whats at the
end of this hard road. Write me denniss-at-iswt>
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband,  3 years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;   Aged: 53.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The loss of a arm or leg. the feeling your heart is broken in two.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     I wanted to die too

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...grandparent old age

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The feeling of going on without him could I make it alone and the
anger of not knowing this was going to happen

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not as bad as people think they do live on on the other side

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The feeling of him around me helping to get me through his passing

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Being alone to remember
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I found him minutes after the accident
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     They  are not alone
 
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Made it  even tho I didn't want too

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The hospital hearing the doctor tell me he was gone  The word  ran
over and over he's gone  Where? Where?? I though't  at that moment
I  entered a world I didnt know was there.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I didn't feel this only when I could do something that I didnt'
think I could do I would smile and ask him if he was proud of me.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     To talk to him and understand if he knew this was comming I feel
he did and I didnt press for his feeling.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Go on with my life and learn more about where he is. And that the
soul goes on doing better things than it did here.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     Still feeling him near to me when I felt alone
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     How much I greived and for how long. I will always think of him
never letting go of the closeness we had together

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see, hear, or remember the fun in life we had together. I have
that same haunting feeling I dont want to be here without him.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I may have had a better chance of talking and seeing him on the
other side.When the time to part came.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Why me why us We had somany dreams in life and a happiness I had
never had before. I wanted to finish out our dreams but he was
finished here and it was time for him to go home. His work with me
was finished for him or me I dont know?

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Go with him and forget the heartache that I have but I know only
God can make that possible
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Wanted to die then

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     They were not able to help him he was gone before they arrived he had
only me there and I could do nothing to help him. This made me feel
so helpless for the first time together I could'nt help him. The
doctor said due to his injury he would have been a Veg. This he
nor I could have gotten threw. So see God did his best and took
him home so he or  I didn't have to suffer that pain in life.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Nothing at that time only my love of god and knowing God does whats
best for us in our lifes.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Were all one belonging to God.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     Not inportant we never had it so it ment nothing
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     It was a time I have not many memories of where, Who and what was
going on was not inportant to me just that I give he a nice place
to rest.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Learning about how to accept it.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     This accident I'm sure didn't change or affect me any different
that if he'd been ill for a while. I'ts never easy
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I had a dream of him dying and awoke crying and made him promise me
he would'nt go first. He laught'h and said I cant promise that honey
but ok. Two weeks befor his accident he seemed he knew something
was comming .He called me outside and said I've been such a lucky
man god has given me all I asked for at one time Look at the trees
and all the beauty we have to look at. He never belived the way I
did about the afterlife. But 48hrs before his death he said 'You
know all that stuff you belive in I think there's something to it. "
This is why I beleive he had seen  a spirit or god told him he was
going home. He also that week talked of death of a grandparent to
his 8 year old grandaughter. Telling her grampa or grama  may leave
and go to heaven. And she would have to be strong.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Yes I beleive  he's near about two weeks afer his death I was crying
one night when a green mist or haze appeared avor my head I felt
it was him  I put my hand up into the green light and felt very
peaceful and felt near to him. We have many strange pictures with
white clouds , appearing in them.  Rays of rainbows when we  take
pictures at the grave. a feeling of him near.  This has changed my
outlook on death. We all must wait our turn to return home but I'm
sure we will be with our love ones once again.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     My life is full and as happy as I can be thanks to his help from
the otherside.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     To thank him for all the love, support , and happiness he gave to
me in my lifetime on this earth. To let him know what a good job
he did helping me to be a stronger person who may be able to help
others who are in the same situation I was.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I hope they remember what I tried to convey which is LOVE ONE ANOTHER
with your whole heart forever. This is the main lesson God wants
us to know. If we love God and all the people we meet. In time the
world would be just as wonderful as heaven. Andd the word death would
loose it dark feeling.God takes care of evevything and everyone.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Yes when I hear of others my mind goes to the hurt the loved ones
will feel. This is a part of gods lesson to. To let us love and be
loved and to remember forever the lessons we learned. I dont fear
my death I pray for the day when I can go to the other side and
learn more about GOD,and the Wonderful place  where  LOVE is the
main topic forever.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Writing in a diary every day for the first six months helped me a
lot. And slow dancing in my living room to our songs.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Yes life goes on when they leave but I know there with us helping
us everyday to make our lives better and happy. Wanting the best
for us until we return home.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I try to help all I can with dealing with this but my words may
help some but theloving God we all know can do more than anyone of
us. Tell a person to ask God for the help they need.  He can heal
and make us understand all the lessons in life. He has the ans.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Sitting here typing  I have a better understanding of my feeling
on this subject That I guess I never sat down to think about But I
feel I've come a long way in the past three years. And understand
more of what death is about.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I've enjoyed this very much and your doing a great job to help
others understand What death holds for each and everyone of us
	Thanks again and God bless and keep you.

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Sun Jun 14 20:49:19 1998
M51 in San Diego, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: M.A., Human Behavior
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Awakening the Buddha Within
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Carlos Casteneda, Pema Chodrom, Surya Das
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Father-in-law, COPD;   Aged: 85.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     In my culture, not necessarily so for all humans, death is greatly
feared, even amongst the religious who believe in an afterlife.
My sense of what underlies this is that we fear both the anticipated
(or witnessed) pain and the lack of knowing what happens.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     ignored it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my nephew was playing with matches.
	He attempted to put out the matches with foam from the couch. The
	smoke alarm was disabled because it kept going off--too close to
	the kitchen.  The kids were latch-key because my sister is divorced
	and works nights.  The eldest child was staying with my mother,
	because she needed a break from being reponsible.  The ensuing fire
	killed my ten-year-old niece.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     My father-in-law's fear of dying.  To aid both him and me, I did
meditations where I told him it was time to leave this earth (his
needs were wearing his wife out)and told him not to be fearful.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Fear of death is one of the great gifts for developing awareness.
It is the fear that causes the greatest suffering

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Making peace with my father about five years before he died.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     From books, I learned to meditate and to face death directly.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The suffering of my mother-in-law and my wife.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Listen lots and speak little.  Be present.
 
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Father-in-Law:  breathe in the pain, and anxiety, and fear.
Breathe out freedom, confidence, and fearlessness.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     In early adulthood, I visited a co-worker who had just been told
she had incurable cancer.  She was crying out and I did not know
how to help her.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     My mother-in-law, my wife, and I had a few asides at the funeral.
We had to be sensitive to my mother-in-law, because she was moving
between laughter and defensiveness.  It came off well, though,
and she got some peace from honoring her husband.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     do meditation for my father.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     My uncle died recently of incurable cancer.  His father died also
of cancer, but was allowed to be in pain for fear of addicting him
to morphine.  Through hospice, my uncle was given enough morphine
to relieve his pain, which ultimately resulted in respiratory
suppression and a very slightly earlier death than from natural
causes.  I am grateful that the medical profession recognizes the
need to relieve the pain.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Funerals!

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was grateful that I had faced my own death.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Back to the issue of pain--relieve it!
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Very positive for my uncle.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I've only been to one, despite all the deaths.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Transparency, declining health, multiple hospitalizations

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Paying attention through the process is most important.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I've faced my death in a number of situations, but haven' had a
near-death experience.
 
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Living will, Living Trust, attention to the suffering of the living.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     If I knew I was dying soon, I would attempt to face it directly and
be present with any feelings I had.  As it is, we are all in the
process of dying/living constantly, and I try to face that even now.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I still meditate, occasionally I meditate on dying.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Mid-Life  
			How'd I do?     Adequate
     Facing death in the military and Carlos Casteneda's books, i.e.,
Don Juan's injunction that death is over your shoulder all the time.
Later did buddhist-based meditation on impermanence.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     Tonglen meditation was very helpful.  Were I dying now, I might
ask someone from a Buddhist hospice to help me.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Jun 14 18:31:14 1998
F27 in Lafayette, LA =USA=
Email: <Blithe25-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Mending The Torn Fabric
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Dr. Sarah Brabant
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 12 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 18.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The person dies.....quits breathing...never does anything again.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried because everyone else was crying...quit crying relatiely
quickly and rarely cry after anyone's death now.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my maternal grandmother died when i was 7-
	my parents received a phone call and my siblings and i were sent
	to stay with friends for the first night.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the pain

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     there is no such thing as "it's easier with time"

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     realizing that i will never be able to see, touch, or talk to
them again.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     clear up harbored feelings between me and my ex before he died.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     maintain a close relationship with his family
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my grandfather's body was taken to the church in which he worshiped
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     baptist
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Helping Other People cope 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Helping Other People cope 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Jun 13 16:14:59 1998
M20 in , ny =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  6yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age;   Aged: unkn.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't know what to think

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my step cousin died of a heart attack at a
	very young age

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     sitting by the grave

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     religion doesn't help. it give false hope

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     thier live

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     me
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     letting go
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     love them
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     learned from him

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i accepted

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     know him better

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     go to the funeral
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i sat at the grave after everyone left
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     religous funeral

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     know i'll have to go through it again

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     not much

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     he didn't deserve it

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     tried to deal with it

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     athiest
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     memory is the spirit. when the memory dies so does the spirit
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     i didn't know anyone

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     play with legos

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     legos

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Jun 13 14:22:04 1998
F17 in southampton,  =england=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo browsing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: about 70.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a human leaving the earth    to go some where else  and we would
never see them again

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     couldn't belive it and i was very upset

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandad died of   cancer

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     people being  quiet or laughing about the funny things they did
then ending up crying

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     memories

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself, grieving alone
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     them not being there it seemed weird
  
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     should spend as much time as possible with them

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend  more time with them

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Crying and Crying 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Disbelief it could happen 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 12 19:26:04 1998
F32 in Barrie, ontario =canada=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Real estate sales person
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	life after death
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 days ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;   Aged: 58.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     moving on to a better place.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was not afraid but curious. I felt a lot of peace around the decise

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...y grand mother died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the viewing,

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the end of sufferance

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     walks out in nature, movies and book
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the feeling of loss. Never had a last chance to say good by before
it happen
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     old their hands and talk to them. Tell him/her every thing you need
to say. It is now or never.
 
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I was so much in pain. the laugh was nothing more than pain inside
of me trying to get out.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be there when it happen

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see someone looking just like him or talk like him.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to him. Know that he is alright where ever he is.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was upset, not having the chance to be with him one last time. I
didn't have the opportunity to tell him how much I loved him

--Religious Affiliation:
     roman Catholic
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     there was a shortage. I wish I could have bough him the best money
can buy.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     All the people that came. Many of whom I would have never taught
they would come.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     seeing him in his coffin.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     frequent phone calls, surprise visits, more kind,

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     you got to live it one day at the time and aloud your feeling to
come true.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     none what so ever
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would want to know if he is with my mother and if they made peace.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I think once you past away, your love one should decide what to do
with your remain. After all there the one staying behind so let it
be in their way. Their wishes should be my wishes.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am not scare of dying, however I would not like the idea of dying
now because I feel I haven't accomplish every thing yet. It would
be too soon for me. I think I'll know when my time will be up.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Viewing the Body 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     seeing movies about death, reading books, talking with friends...


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     good, it help take some stress out of the minds

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 12 18:57:17 1998
F29 in Brooklyn, New York =usa=
Name: Laura Mansbach
Email: <Foofer53-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: homemaker
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     Post is fine but leave out names...e-mail is also fine
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: scleraderma;   Aged: 53.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     leaving this earth and life as we know it

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was curious and cryed a lot too

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My grandmother died, then my grandfather died
	6 months later

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     unfortunately it was the debilitating nature of the disease which
caused the death.  But watching the actual process of dying is
calming and beautiful

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     There is nothing to fear

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I have no guilt, was there for my mother until the end...Death
taught me to enjoy life

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     just thinking about it on my own and being able to discuss my
feelings with my husband when I needed to
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Never being able to see my mother again or have a conversation
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Just being there, there is nothing else you could do but let that
person know that you are there and you love them
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Have learned to enjoy the moment, live in the now, am greatful for
my happiness and enjoy the little things in life..especially that
family is the most important part of our lives and our relationships

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The hospital and doctors hwo use death as a business & Coming to
terms with the fact that I will never see that person who died again

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I still laugh when I think about it and its all okay...there was
nothing wrong with laughing even though it was an odd moment
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I have no feelings of changing anything, unless I had the power to
end all disease

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be there until the end
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Something reminds me of the long ordeal or I miss my mother..I think
it will always be this way and there's nothing wrong with missing her

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i would have a lot less realizations about life,  I would not have
grown so much as a person

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I will never see her again

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     cry without getting a headache
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     understood that dying is a part of life and that my mother no longer
had pain, she was freed, it was us...the ones she left behind who
were left to suffer

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     General disgust...If a doctor doesn't know something, he should say
so, if he cannot help he should let the patient go home to die &
If they know the patient is going to die they sould not give false
reassurance
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Not a lot
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     very true...I actually saw peace transcend over my mothers face as
her spirit left her body
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     Doctors and hospitals are only out for money and business, if that
weren't the case a lot of un-needed proceedures would not have
been performed
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it was nice and right...appropriate that we said goodbye and all
got together in memory

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     The way I freed myself from the unimportant stresses of life

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     an unwillingness to go on any longer

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     everyone is different and everyone goes through what is right
for themselves
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     my mother had many conversations with God
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     the other side for me was calm and peaceful..was left with an
overwhelming sense that it was all okay and there was nothing to fear
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I have no unresolved issues...everthing that transpired in my
realtionship with my mother happened for a reason and I would not
change any of it..I also had the oppurtunity to allow my mother to
leave knowing the same thing and that I loved her always

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I'd just like to say hi to her and talk like we always used to
about whatever

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Not to leave decisions of "pulling the plug" on people who dearly
love you and are emotionally involved in the situation...Your rights
and wishes should be discussed when you are healthy and put into
a will

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     If i remain living my life to its fullest as I have been since the
death of my mother I believe that I will have no worries or fears

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     talking to loved ones mostly...never rejecting my feelings and
trying to remember still the good times and what I have learned

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I have changed significantly mostly in the area of realizing whats
important and was is just bullshit

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     too young to really understand
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     For myself I had to help a lot of family members through the
ordeal..talking and crying anytime of the day or night


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     its always useful to contemplate where I am with this issue

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jun 12 12:46:09 1998
F45 in Windhoek, Namibia =Africa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...Came home from school - my granny was dead. All
	the relatives had congregated - drinking tea etc. I git sent out to
	buy cotton wool and elastoplast. I guessed that she had died. No-one
	told me until I asked directly

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     faith maybe?

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 
     Lack of opportunity to share

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 
Fri Jun 12 11:50:37 1998 
F26 in charlotte, nc =us= 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 21.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     physically, spiritually and emotionally necessary for life. Through
death, rebirth occurs.  New life always comes.  We can only grow
spiritually and emotionally in bad times like this, if we choose
to take the route and face them.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 5 years old.

--That first time, how it happened was
     I was 5 years old when my parents and I travelled from Europe to
	come live in America with my relatives until we got settled.  It was
	quite a large group of people under the roof.  I remember one day
	my mother got a phone call from home that her father, old and ill,
	had just died.  All of a sudden she was surrounded by everyone in
	the house.  They were all crying, especially my mother, and even
	though I knew who my grandfather was and I did love him, I didn't
	know how to react.  To this day I don't know why I did what I did,
	but out of fear and confusion to the display of emotion around me,
	I started laughing.  I suppose people do that when they're nervous,
	and I'm sure that I was.  It was so weird standing there laughing
	and being thrown these bad looks by the adults.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The second death that I experienced was that of my boyfriend when I
was 19 years old.  I was suicidal myself before his death because
he brainwashed me into thinking that he and I would be better off
in another place.  The effect of his death wasn't as horrible as
the ramifications of being suicidal after he died.  It pains me
so much to think of the hell I put my parents through who wanted
nothing more than the experience to never have occured at all which
resulted in pain for all of us.

--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that you grow from it!!!!!!!!! It is horrible, yes, and it
hurts more than anything I can imagine on earth, but one of the
reasons that it happens is so that we can evolve to being stronger
emotionally.  Catastrophes teach you things about yourself, those
around you and more importantly, the big picture.  Within the big
picture of our existance, our pain, no matter how huge, shrinks in
reality of the enormous planet we live on and the fact that life
goes on for its population.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that 2 angels surfaced in my life.  These angels came about everytime
that I tried to kill myself after my boyfriend's death.  This little
voice, that wasn't mine, kept telling me that it wasn't time to go.
A year later, I met my future husband and the other of the 2 angels
who were with him as he was growing up as well.  I never in a million
years would have believed the joy and happiness that I would be
granted after experiencing the hell and morbidity that I did.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my loving parents whom I love for caring about me so much, my
husband, and my angels.  I am blessed and I know that I was meant
to live, and not die early.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     being brainwashed to think that I deserved to die too.
  
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it's never happened to me!?
 
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     meet my soul mate husband.  His love and support were the therapy
that I needed and he's half the reason I'm alive today.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the supernatural messages I received from my late boyfriend and
my angels.  Rainbows during thunder storms, beautiful sunsets in
my backyard and mental messages of encouragement and love.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I'm typing this.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I still dream it to this day.  Trey died because he was supposed to.
His soul is recovering from his mistakes.  I needed to learn from
his experience and mine together.  And through it all was my reward,
Calvin, my husband.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     but life isn't fair.  If you deal with pain and force yourself to
grow from it, you will have less of it.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     realized that I was alone.  I didn't have my boyfriend around to
brainwash me anymore.  It took years to realize that I wasn't alone,
I was free.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     (laughing) I had no medical community help.  I needed
anti-depressants in a bad way and the shitty doctors that were on
my parents' insurance plan never let me have anything.  They all
suggested crap like group therapy.  I wasn't an alocoholic, I was
suicidal and my problems were very personal and very painful.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     correct.  Religion doesn't matter and it is not the last word.
Personal experiences, perhaps spiritual are just that, personal.
Some people might need the organization and rules of religion,
but it helps so much more when you transcend all that and learn on
your own, finding your own help from within yourself.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     not being regarded as the girlfriend whose boyfriend died.
Trey's family was rich and didn't appreciate the fact that I and my
parents weren't.  It was such a weird time.  I was there to grieve
and the guests of the parents were there to exchange business cards
and joke a little.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     In one of my suicide attempts, I had just swallowed sleeping pills
that I had bought from a drugstore.  I didn't know that those things
were packaged in doses that make it nearly impossible to overdose
and I wasn't quick enough to think that I could have taken more
than one package.  Perhaps it was fate, not ignorance!  So I'm
sitting in my car at the top level of a parking deck waiting for
something to happen. I'm lying down gazing out of the window at the
sky admiring the beauty of the big white clouds.  The pills don't
take long to work and pretty soon I can't move my body.  I can't
even move a finger.  I keep staring at the clouds and it's as if I
was traveling towards them and they didn't seem so far.  It wasn't a
OBE, because it was visual what I felt, not physical.  From behind
the clouds I could "see" people that were somehow connected to me.
I "felt" like they were relatives even though I'd never met them.
They were all old and they were telling me not to come to them.
They were the ones who sent me back to my car and all of a sudden
I was hit with the reality of what I had done.  I managed to turn
my head to the parking lot around me actually wishing for a soul
to find and help me.  No one did, but with some "outside" help,
I drove home and slept off the pills.  That was my last suicide
attempt =).
      My husband had a beautiful experience with his late
grandfather in a dream.  It was many years after his death and
time enough for my husband to reach the maturity level to start
thinking about his grandfather in terms other than a 5 year old's,
which is how old he was when his grandfather died.  He was missing
him and wishing that his grandfather could have lived a little
longer for my husband to know better.  In the dream he was walking
towards his grandfather's house and noticed that his grandfather
was sitting on the porch in a rocking chair.  This made my husband
happy and he started walking towards him.  When he got close, his
grandfather stopped rocking and held up his hand and said, No son.
Don't come up here.  It's not time yet.  It brings tears to my eyes
to still recall that dream of his, because he at least was granted
this exchange with his beloved grandfather from childhood.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I know that Trey has since grown from his mistakes when he was
alive.  I can feel him sometimes.  My angels don't let him come
too close to me and they definately prevented him from contacting
me after he died.  But my feeling is that he's a different person,
not like the rebellious teenager that I once shared my life with.
He's wiser and regretful of the pain that he put me through during
his life and after his death.  It's just a faint feeling that I get
that always make me a little happy because I know he experiences
the happiness that I now have with my husband in our life together.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Trey tells me the opposite of what he used to.  All he ever wanted
was for us to be happy, even though it was somewhere else together.
He feels my happiness and knows that, in his own words, my husband
Calvin is "exceptional".  This acceptance from him, and admittance
that the pain that he put me through was wrong and not deserved
does a lot of good for me.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I welcome it because I know that it will come at a time when I've
had children and they've had children and my husband and I will
have been together for ages =).  I will be happy and pleased at the
outcome of my life and will be ready to move on to the next level.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     I'm not sure that I dealt with it.

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     If Trey's parents would have forgotten the meaningless economical
boundaries between them and my family, we could have all properly
grieved together.  For years I wanted to show up at their doorstep
and used to wish that they'd throw their arms around me in acceptance
and love.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Still painful to think about and am glad that I'm near the end of it.
As the years pass and I'm reminded of Trey, I'm also reminded of
the big picture and how fortunate I am to have parents who love me,
a husband whom I've shared many past lives with, and only a promising
and beautiful life ahead.

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Thu Jun 11 23:09:07 1998
F15 in forsyth, ga =monroe=
Name: monica
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer;   Aged: 56.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     usually a normal part of living, only the opposite of birth. we
are taken from the world, only not in the literal definition
of it. our body, like some sort of outer shell, contains what we
call a soul. this refers to a life essence, it hasn't really been
explained so far but all living things are believed to possess
one. when we are killed, this releases the soul.  i'm uncertain
as to what occurs afterwards. themost common belief is that there
is a good place to go, and a bad one.  a reward for living as one
should according to religion, and punishment for a corrupt life.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was unsure how to act. i was confused. first of all, i felt guilt
for not crying, though i did my best to. overall, i just felt alot of
curiousity over the precedings and ceremony. i was actually alittle
detached from the funeral. i enjoyed studying the different ways
people expressed their grief, how their appearence changed when
they wept.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was my mother's grandfather. i didn't
	know him well. he was just always that weird paralyzed old man who
	never moved or spoke. he was in a hospital bed near the kitchen
	when i visited.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how white my grandmother was in the casket. i remember all of the
female relatives remarking about how life like she looked, and how
happy. also the immense pain on my mother's face, and i wished i
could make all of those people stop hugging her and shaking her
hand and telling her how sorry they all were.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     faith is not neccessarily salvation. if there is a truly good
person who loves and is kind and generous in all respects, i do
not believe God, Allah, or whatever higher power there is would
turn him/her away.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     music and myself. music helps immensely. it has the power to grab
you and take you someplace else, away from what might hurt. i prise
my ability to retreat inward, and ican go wherever i want. if i am
where i do not want to be, and i can't depart physically, then i
will myself elsewhere mentally.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     give more to them in life.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried as much as i could for a day.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Zoning Out 
     led zeppelin  and vampire movies


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 
     family crying around me
 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jun 11 21:20:14 1998
F49 in ELlenton, Georgia =USA=
Name: Paula Hutchinson
Email: <pauladianne-at-webtv.net>
   Web: http://WWW.expage.com/page/pauladianne
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  I came in on a Vahoo link
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Prof/Studies: Marketing
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More personal info: 
     My daughter is Downs-Syndrom and she has watched as both
grandmothers, one grandfather, uncles and others have been taken.
She had a pretty good handle on it,  She says that they were put
in a box, taken to church and are now in Heaven with Granddaddy.
If it were so simple???
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Life after Death
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Billy Graham
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  4 months ago.
Cause of Death: old age and CHF;   Aged: 80.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     only a deep sleep and we will be awaken when Jesus returns

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     I have experienced quite a few deaths but the two that have caused
the most pain was my parents.  My Dad, a Minister, died of cancer
at the age of 53.   I was very close to him as all of the children
were, we were told to let him die with diginity, and to me that
meant not to grieve, BIG MISTAKE, a year after his death I went
to pieces and destroyed everything in my house.  Needless to say
I had to see a theropist.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a great aunt or uncle passed over and I
	was taken to the wake and funeral.A cousin was killed in an auto
	accident, I only remember the family crying.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
      At MOM'S FUNERAL THERE WAS NO MUSIC.There was no Minister, my
 brother took over the service.  I can see her in the most peaceful
 sleep that I know that she has had for a long time.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     I don't know if there is anything left to discover about death.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I prayed every nigt that the Lord would help Mom to be comfortable
and not be alone and my prayers were answered.  Not exactally as
I wanted but probably the best way.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My belief in God.  That someday I will be reunited with both
my parents.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Dad has been dead 20 years and Mom just 4 months, but I just can't
seem to put it all behind me.  I miss them terriblly. What ever
idiot that said time soothes the pain didn't love the one they lost.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     As mom died all her children held on to some part of her body.
We wanted her to know that we were there and that we loved her .
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I never understood why they could not save her.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     We were lucky, we never left the house without hugging and kissing
my parents and saying the all important"I LOVE YOU"

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that Dad, who worked so hard, lived to be only 53.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     close my eyes and make it all go away.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I am not sure that I have accepted their death.  I wake up at night
and can;t wait to call them and rell them something that was on
my mind.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     confusion
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Faith was everything
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Baptisi
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it was unimportant
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     We were unable to reach all the newspapers that we should have to
let people know.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     People just didn't seem to care.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Altho I miss them so bad, I was willing to give them up for Heaven.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     In 1979 as I was cooking dinner I had a tremendous pain that hit
the left side of my head with such force that I was thrown onto
the floor.  My husband was immediatelly ready to help me up and onto
the chair, but I just wanted to go outside.  I sit on the picnic
with this terrible pain and feeling of helplessness.  We did not
have a phone and I was babysitting for my sisters, while they and
MOm was shopping.  When they returned to get the children I ran
to the car and told them that something really bad had happened.
They went home and was back at my house within 30 minutes to tell
me that my favorite aunt had been in a car wreck.  The coffin was
closed because the left side of her face had so much damage.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I didn't have anything to resolve, they knew how much I loved them
and I knew that they loved me.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I don't know that it would help, when they went away again the old
pain would just be renewed.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     We signed the paper for mom to be taken off lifesupport.  Four
children 2 in-laws, and all the grandchildren.  We knew her wishes.
It would have been wrong to keep her alive by machine when we knew
that it was not what she wanted.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would certainly hope that I would be ready for that last journey.
I am worried about my downs-syndrom daughter and how she would be
taken care of.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I try to remember all the good times, I suppose that I really live
in the past to much.  I have told my daughter so much about her
granddaddy that she says she feels like she knows him

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     At that time I was to young to understand


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Other: 
     my age
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I really needed someone to understand and just let me have a good
old selfish cry.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     to many memories came flooding in.  I wish I had not started the
questionnaire but I am glad that I finished it.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jun 11 11:29:24 1998
M17 in Zagreb,  =Croatia=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  searching for details about loftus's eyewitness testimony study for school project
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Prof/Studies: student (International Baccalaureate, 11th grade)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     sometimes a painful termination of life, that is, of existence,
and for some a transition to another level of existence (a final
eternal reward or punishment; or to a new life). It is the essence
of linear existence, which all of us are accustomed to.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     never.

--That first time, how it happened was
     I was flying and the plane started to shake and the lights were
	going on and off and i really didn't care. I thought i was going
	to die but i really didn't get scared. Probably if it happened now
	i would get freaked out but i dont know

--What I think my (Croatia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That we shouldn't care that much about the burying rituals because
when we die we are just empty shells. All this stuff about "lying
next to me..." is, i think, just ridiculous. You're dead, for
God's sake!!!

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     That we shouldn't show how much we are depressed and hit by the
sooncoming death of the person. The person must think that dying
is not so bad etc.
 
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I dunno, but I think i would feel terrible and a bit guilty because
of what i'd have done.
 
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     maybe

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     live forever OR die so i would know if there is an afterlife or
a God or something
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I believe in God, but not in the Church. I believe in a force that
governs our lives and death and i also believe in reincarnation into
a higher being or a human again (depending on this life's actions).
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Used to be Catholic but changed my mind. Explained up.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Explained up.
 
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     i don't know.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I believe all of those VISITATIONS are actually in the head of
the beholder. As for the dream visitations, Freud can explain
this easily.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     i once had a precognitive dream.  My mother once had a neardeath
experience whan she was in a hospital. She went out of her body
and sow a light. That's all.  I believe many things like that
are actually induced by drug use in hospitals.
 
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i don't care about death.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     interesting.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jun 11 02:05:00 1998
F43 in Courtenay, British Columbia =Canada=
Name: Jeanette Holder
Email: <jholder-at-island.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Facilitator
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 68.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when the spirit, the special part of us that makes us who we are,
seperates from our body.  The spirit continues to lives but the body
dies and is no longer needed.  Our spirit is energy and continues
to live.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was with my sisters and brother, at our mom's bedside.  I was the
last to arrive (from the other side of the country) and had not seen
her for some months.  I had nursed her for a week, after surgery,
3 months previous when we all thought she would recover.  She knew
me and was glad I had come, but could no longer speak.  We dind't
talk about her dying, but we held her, and cried.  Dad couldn't
come to see her any more, he didn't want to see her so wasted.

But they spent special time together on his last visit and my
sisters said it was very beautiful.  Mom would look at him as if
studying him, drinking him in, never to forget how he looked.

On her last day we asked a woman who did healing touch to come
in again and show us how to do this for mom.  It helped calm her.
She encouraged us to tell her it was okay to go.  After she left I
talked to mom and assured her we would look after dad  and help him
with his finances.  I told her it was okay to go now.  I continued
to do thearaputic touch and about an hour later her breathing changed
and become very diffecult.  Two of my sisters had to leave.  About a
half hour later I felt she was close to going, so I called them in.

We encouraged her to go to God, it was her time.  She let her breath
out, and died.  I closed her eyes and we cried.  Later, we held
hands and my oldest sister said a prayer.  She and I stayed until
mom was cold and then allowed the physican in to pronounce death.

I used thearaputic tough to feel the energy as it left mom's body.
It felt like a good death.  We have been able to talk more openly
about her death since.  Now my daughter (22yrs) is dying and they
are open to talking about it. They wouldn't have been comfortable
about it before mom's death.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...A girl our age died and she had no family or
	friends to go to the funeral home.  Our school asked if we would
	go and visit, to show our respect, and that people cared that she
	had died.  At first I thought you meant any death experience.
	My very first was finding a dead bird.  I buried it in the back
	garden and put a cross over it.  I was very young.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how beautiful it was.  This is not to say everything went well.
The nurses could have been better, the pain medication on time, and
increased when requested.  How my family was there for each other.

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     To talk openly about it.  It is part of life, like birth and not
something to be feared.  We need to talk about what it looks likes,
and how to be ready.  To have no regrets.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the love and caring between my family.  Seeing my mom's calm love
in the face of death.  She was beautiful.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Thinking about my attitude towards life.  Trying to live what
I believe.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Afterwards: I think about my mom more now that she is dead than
when she was alive.  I didn't realize she would be in my thoughts
this much after her death.  We live far away and I didn't call that
often, and only saw my parents every one to two years.  They were
just always there when needed.  I miss her and wish I had called
and talked more often.  I call my dad more now and we are closer
than before.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Try healing touch.  Anyone can learn it.  Tell the person it is okay
to go, give them permission to die.  Learn what you can beforehand
about palliative care so you can advocate for your loved one.
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I can be there to help, even if it is only with my presence.
I can be a witness to death, even a hard death.  I don't want to
hide from death and not see it.  I want to be there.  To close my
moms eyes and my daughters eyes when it is her time.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     My mom had diffeculty breathing.  Now I know there are drugs which
could have dried up her secretions and made it a bit easier for her.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     We laughed soon after mom died because I told my sisters and brother
that I was afraid I had closed her eyes too soon, and she would
open them again and be mad at me and never forgive me.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     call my mom more often and talk.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Tell her it was okay to go, that we loved her, that she was a great
mom, that we would look after dad.  I am greatful I could close
her eyes (I don't know why I had a need to do this).
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I become teary-eyed often when I think of mom's actual death but
so often now when I think about other good times.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I wouldn't change my life.  I like the leasons I've learned and
who I have become.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     This rarely crosses my mind.  Nothing in life is fair, it just is.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     go back packing in the mountains with no one needing me, and no
time schedule.  I would get up when I want, eat when hungery,
hike when I wanted, stop when I wanted, and just look at the sky,
the mountains and trees.  Stop long enough to really see them,
smell them and touch them.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     wanted my family close.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Home nursing was good.  But hospital care was inadequate to the task.
Nurses didn't have time, and didn't understand palliative care.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     No contact that I know of.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Had no place.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Raised catholic.  Now I am a spiritual person and believe in a god,
and life after death.  I believe in a spirit or energy that lives
on in some form.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     My sisters handled it, I dont' know.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The good times we had r