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Tue Sep 30 12:18:14 1997
Anonymous Retired Guest
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
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Prof/Studies: Retired 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover,  4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     falling into a black hole

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     felt shocked by the foreverness of it. The horror 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... Grandfather died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The horror of the final night and the shock of the realisation that
it was all over

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  What was it 
     feelings of guilt  

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Tue Sep 30 11:06:42 1997
F19 in Durham, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia;  Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the termination of a linear existence. (Yes, I watch Trek.)

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was not sad, only uncomfortable. I was very young and it was cold at
the funeral. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... there had been deaths before. Two grandparents
and a great-grandparent. But those weren't as meaningful.  My first real
experience with death was a girl my own age, who had once been a close
friend, dying slowly of pneumonia. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the way it felt when she first said to me, "Becky died this morning."
The phrase 'the blood froze in my ears' comes to mind. Reality literally
shifted around me, and I was not where I was. A wash of noise, an echo of
'Too late...'

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my music. I seem to have gotten better at it since losing her. She
was always the one with the gift... 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     trying to deal with her family. They were family, I was only a
friend, and I was so caught up in my own grief and guilt that I didn't
know how to interact with them.  I coudln't even talk to them. Or maybe
the hardest was looking at her lying in the coffin and wanting so badly to
be able to touch her... 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     go and visit her while she was there dying.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     at least have sent that christmas card. I know she got it. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     a bunch of people threw me a mini-birthday celebration. My birthday
was a month after she died, and I was so depressed... and people at school
went around getting me gifts and things. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     discomfort. I was afraid of the hospital. I don't know if maybe I
could have visited if she'd been at home, instead.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     little to me, but a lot to her, so I went with it. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     that the song they played while we were waiting to begin was the song
she had played for us on the harpsichord once.... 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I talked to her a lot. I believe she heard me, and understood. I
still feel sad for what I did not do, but I know that she has forgiven me. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     Also entering into my first long-term romantic relationship... we
talked a lot. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 
     She was in the hospital for a year and I never visited. Afterwards,
for months I relived the week she died. I could always tell you how long
it had been, exactly, and what I was doing at this time on -that- week. 

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Mon Sep 29 18:05:32 1997
F47 in Charlotte, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  21yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer;  Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     our spirit leaving our bodies to return to heaven.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     scared by the experience.  I knew that my grandmother was dying but
felt helpless. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I was raised by my grandparents and they both
died at home. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     Her distance look. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it doesn't appear to be a painful journey. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     She seemed to be at peace. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Knowing that she was finally out of pain and with God. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The loss of her present.  I loss the love of the only person I felt
really loved me. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Learning to let go of them and allowing them to pass peacefully. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     This never happened to me. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Let her know how deeply I loved her. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     To be there with her during her passing and she wasn't alone. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I dream of her, which happens often.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     We would have a better home (with a television) for her to watch and
more time spent with her family. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     That I couldn't have been older and taken care and provided a better
life for her. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     See her again. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     knew was alone and someday I would be joined again in heaven. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     disappointment.  Her doctor was called and he did nothing until it
was too late. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Did not have hospice.  I wished we would have had contact with them
to help with her care.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     My belief in God taking her and relief from pain was the only thing
that allowed me to except her death. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     They seem to go into a state of shock.  And seem to drift into
another demenision. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     She did seem to go into a state of blissful peace. 

 - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 
      
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Mon Sep 29 11:59:56 1997
F21 in claremont, ca =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: psychology student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: ovarian cancer;  Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when a person leaves us.  we don't know where they go but they are
not here with us in the form we knew them in

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     cried because i thought i was supposed to

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my friends mom died when I was about 10.  My
mom told me while I was taking a bath.  I cried but soon forgot about it. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     coming together to mourn.  loosing a bond that brought us together. 
lives being turned upside down. 

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's ok to be sad and to talk about death

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my nephew is taken care of now.  My sister was in the hospital and my
dad's ex-wife was "caring" for my nephew.  He had no supervision and was
heading for disaster.  I also am grateful for how close it has borught me
to the rest of my family. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     seeing her at the viewing and visiting her grave on her birthday. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that I can't turn and talk to her anymore.  I can't call her on a
whim.  I can't see her face. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     make them happy in their last moments.  Bring whatever makes them
happy to them.  My whole family (except for a few) came to her bedside and
sang to her.  Music has always been an important part of my family.  She
left with those he loved her singing her out.

--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     still talk to her and make myself give me the answers I want from
her. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     we went through her belongings

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i didn't laugh - but maybe, if i had, it would have been at my lack
of control over myself

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be with her when she died

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be close by for her last 3 years, instead of across the country

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     we were able to watch the coffin being lowered into the ground.  I
wanted to jump in.  Not to die or be buried.  Just be in the hole with the
coffin.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     prayer

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     ? it seems like it can happen for lots of different reasons

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that my nephew is left without parents and my sister won't get to see
him grow up

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     slept.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     so many caring people who tried to hard.  They knew who my sister was
and they cared.  So many were at the memorial service.  They fought with
her for 5 long years.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     the Wellness Community that she was involved in helped her face the
reality that she might die while at the same time teaching other people
how to deal and how to get by

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     very little 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     my sister-in-law not understanding when people wanted to be alone and
sitting in the front row even though she and my sister weren't close at
all while other much closer relatives sat behind her. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     carrying the coffin out of the church

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     it will happen sometime, maybe in an accident, maybe when i'm old.  I
hope I grow old with someone I love beside me.  i don't want to die any
time soon but if I do there's not much that I can do about it after the
fact, or neccesarily to prevent it. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     talking about things - not for the above mentioned death, but
experiences after it

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 

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Mon Sep 29 06:42:44 1997
M20 in Tauranga,  =New Zealand=
Name: Logan   <big-guy-at-jets.net.nz>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Yahoo, psych tests & experiments.
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Prof/Studies: BA 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;  Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     graduating from our bodies to the real stuff.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was at a funeral of my friend from high school.

--That first time, how it happened was
     A casual school friend died in a car crash just after my final year
at high school. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     crying when I didn't expect to; I don't usually cry.

--What I think my (New Zealand) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it's a passing on more than a going away.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I became a Christian when I was younger, and that has helped me deal
with a lot. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my faith in God, and that innate goodness which I knew was always
there.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the fact that I would never see them or talk to them again. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     talk about the good things which you have done together.... make them
feel like their time on earth was really worth it.

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     can experience the gut-wrenching emotion of loss profoundly. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the preacher started praying for the dead guy.... it just seemed a
little too late. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     really get to know him.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     go to the funeral and say goodbye. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     his girlfriend couldn't look up during the entire funeral, she was
just shaking the whole time. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     seeing his lifeless body just lying there, like an empty container...
people treated it like it was him. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     there's a lull in conversation, and you expect him to say something
which he always says at times like these... but there's just silence. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I'd still be taking him for granted, ignoring him occasionally,
disliking him sometimes.  Death enobles us all. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he had to die so young; it wasn't even his fault.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     thought about it like this: you're both riding together, but then
suddenly they've hit a brick wall, but you have to keep on riding. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     an answer to it all. People go there when there is nowhere else; it's
like a sanctuary. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     kind of a silly and over-generous concept. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how many people were there. Man, I hope that many people are sad when
I die. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     when his girlfriend was screaming and throwing herself on the back of
the hearse. O man. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I don't know.  I should know.... but I can't think of one thing. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I think my family & friends would figure out whatever was right.  I
wouldn't be using my body anymore, so they can do what they want with it. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Bring it on, buddy !  Seriously, I have no fear about it myself, but
I know my friends and family would really feel it if I died. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     All my friends were at the funeral too.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     A lot of things came up that I hadn't thought of before.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     You asked one question twice about halfway through.

	[Ed Note:  Yep... Fixed that.  Thanks. ]

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Sun Sep 28 22:31:36 1997
F22 in san diego, ca =usa=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
  yahoo
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Prof/Studies: student, major: cognitive science 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: age;  Aged: 80ish.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     leaving the physical world

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     cried a bit

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... grandfather died of lung cancer

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     i knew it happened before i heard about it.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     we are all going to die.  its not negative, its just the natural
course of existance.  its not something to fear any more than birth. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     peace

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     nothing.  death doesnt have to be negative. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     their pain  

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to her more about her memories

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     it didn't happen that way.  I knew it happened then they called me
later and told me it happened.  it hit me before i heard about it.  it
didn't really bother me though because i knew she was at peace now

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     the medical community is a collection of idiots 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     its the cycle of life and death.  there's always some hope of
something after death, whether its rebirth, heaven, or nirvana, there's
always something.  even people who say they don't believe in such things
do when they experience death. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     knowing about it ahead of time

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     i don't think there really are any.  i think you just know.  i knew
before my grandma died and i knew before my friend's baby died.  everyone
knew my grandma would die 'cause she was old, no one suspected the baby
would die because there wasnt age or anything wrong with it. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     i don't think you should stress over what you can't change.  grieve
about it but then move on with your life, that is what the dead person
would want most.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i don't think it would be a good idea.  i think dwelling on regrets
is detrimental.  it is best to leave the past in the past and try to do
better in the future. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     you just have to transcend the pain and move forward.  accept the
life cycle for what it is and move on. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     nothing really changed

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     fairly generic

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     your wording is somewhat confusing when you want people to fill in
the end of a sentence.  it is probably less confusing to ask the question
straight out instead of being vague. 

	[ Ed Note:  Thanks for the opinion, but we've found far more
people to be more receptive to open-ended questions where they can just
run off as occurs to them. ]

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Sun Sep 28 20:56:54 1997
F16 in Toledo, OH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student....child psychology 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  6 months ago.
Cause of Death: drugs/alcohol;  Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of physical life and being of new spiritual happiness 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     I cried, but talked it over and felt better because of my young age. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my uncle had heart problem and died
unexpectantly

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the mental exhaustion I could feel on myself and all around me. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that is is natural and just a part of life we must deal with that we
have no control over. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     for the togetherness it brings between people and the lessons it
teaches us. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     from my friends.knw

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing there were things I hadn't told the person before they died

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     tell them how u feel

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i first found out about the  death

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was okay to laugh because it makes u feel better 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell them how much they meant to me and i loved them

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     spend time with them and have lots of laughs and fun when they were
alive

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     guys cried 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and had to talk to friends and family

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 
      
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Sun Sep 28 17:53:18 1997
F33 in Stratford, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  14yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder;  Aged: 19yrs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of life.  We are born, we grow up, we bear children and raise
them, and eventually it is time for us to die.  But a part of us lives on
in the children that we bore. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was upset that I didn't feel more.  Everyone seemed so concerned for
me so I faked being upset.  I was 11 yrs and I wasn't close to my
grandmother. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandmother died when I was 11 yrs.  I
wasn't upset though I felt I should've been.  I wasn't very close to her. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     that youth does not save us from death.  Anybody can die at anytime. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how we try to avoid it and use our technology to prolong our lives,
sometimes unnecessarily.  We are too scared of death. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the good memories I have of this person and truly appreciating them
when they were alive

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     myself

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the suddeness of the unexpected and violent death

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     learned to appreciate those I love and how I realize how temporary
our lives are. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the initial shock of forgetting they are dead.  When you are doing
something else and then your gut is wrenched when you suddenly remember
Richard is dead

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was shock and nerves 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell him how he influenced me and how MUCH I really loved him

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know him 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I was crying my eyes out over his death feeling totally lost and
shocked when all of a sudden, two of his favorite songs played one after
another and I felt this sense of comfort and laughter so strongly.  It was
as if he was in the car with me

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I stop to remember all the details of that time

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     Thats a funny question.  I don't know how his life would've changed
me off course from where my life is now but I believe we each individually
affect one another so I'm sure my life would different than it is now

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that someone so young and funny and wonderful could have been taken
in such a violent way. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was at the funeral

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     either too little too late or the exact opposite of too much when it
should be a time of acceptance

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     the funeral 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     we go on to a better life as a better person 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how many people were there .  It was a testimony to how many people
he befriended

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     walking to the casket to view his body.  That body wasn't Richard and
so why are we expected to see the body so that will be our last vision of
them????? 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I'm sorry.  I knew you wanted our relationship to be more than it was
and I kept putting you off.  I felt you would always be there.  If I
would've known, I would've allowed our relationship to change

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     do not let me linger in a vegatative state with no hope of recovery.  

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am not afraid of dying.  I'm afraid of dying and leaving my young
children behind motherless.  I'm not ready to leave until my job of
raising my children is done.  But if I received news that I was going to
die, I'd try to prepare my children the best I could and prepare for them
after I was dead.  I'd try to leave pieces of me behind so that they would
come to know me as they grew older. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     wrote and wrote and wrote.  Really bad poetry and lots of letters to
Richard

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep 27 02:10:31 1997
F18 in California =USA=
Name: Jenny
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a heart attack;  Aged: 30 something.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     totally freaked out.......i was a little kid and all i knew was that
my mom was never going to come back to me. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my mother died of a heart attack when i was 10
years old. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how much the death changed my life....the way i acted and reacted to
things

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my friends who were always there for me

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell my mom one last time that i loved her very much

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i would be a totally different person from how i am now.....if my
mother hadn't died, i would still be the same happy, vibrant person i
started out in life as......i am nothing like that now

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that a mother could be taken from her child so early in the childs
life..... 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     didn't think i was going to be able to go on in life......the death
really hit me hard

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     there were people at the service that seemed like they cared more
than i did.....i didn't show any emotion at all

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     i never really showed emotion about the whole thing....not in front
of anyone.....i would wait till i was all alone with my thoughts and then
let it all out....i didnt' want anyone to see me like that

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 26 03:48:08 1997
F28 in Chandler, AZ =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: emphysema;  Aged: 80s.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of our bodies on this earth

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     cried, because I would miss them

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... grandparent

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     I felt sadder than I thought I would

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Everyone has their own perception of what death is and nobody 
is wrong.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     All the feelings you have inside don't have to go away because
someone dies.  Nobody can ever take that away. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Walks in the woods and my boyfriend 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Knowing I may never see them again.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Reach within yourself and deal with it in your own way.  Don't let
anyone tell you that you are not acting appropriately because they are
being insensitive you.

--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     He is gone, but how I feel about him has not changed.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     What happens?  Is the spirit there?

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Life goes on and you are still living.  Laughter makes us feel
better so we don't all go crazy.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     See him before he died. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I saw something supernatural on the day that would have been my
grandfathers birthday.  I saw a bright ball of light that disappeared with
a loud pop, that scared my pet and my boyfriend also heard.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     This is stupid, but I hated the party/socializing aspect of the
funeral.  I don't want to see people I haven't seen in years that ask me
whats been going on, when I'm trying to deal with someone I cared about
who died. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would appreciate the way things were more, because when they change
it can never go back. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that good people die.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     They know alot, but have more to leaarn about natural healing methods
and the spirit of their patients.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     positive 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a little. I feel religion comes from inside a person. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I know something else is there.  If you look at someone who died that
you loved, you know something is missing.  Its like an egg without the
yolk.

--Regarding MONEY:
     We set up a charity, so the guests at the funeral could give to a
good cause in the person's name.  That way it helped others. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I just wanted to be alone.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Seeing the shell and knowing that was someone who I used to 
talk to and now they just lay there.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     In elderly people senility and slowing down

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Depending on the circumstances the processes are all different
For my grandpa I felt sad, but each day I felt better. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     As I said above I saw a bright light which made a loud pop 
and was witnessed by my pet and boyfriend.  I think it is to
put you at ease or they are checking on you. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Listen to what people want, don't be afraid to talk about it

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would be scared, because I haven't lived up to my potential

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I lit a candle every night until I didn't feel sad any more.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I try to be thankful of what I have now, this moment.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     Just because someone dies doesn't mean your love for them has to die
also

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 
      
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     thoughtful

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 25 07:32:55 1997
F41 in Sarasota, Florida =U.S.=
Email: <soreal-at-home.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  search for bardo
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Prof/Studies: Retired 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	    Authors: Kubler-Ross. Various Books of the Dead.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  20 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 33.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a doorway from one existance to another

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was clueless

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  
A friend. 
Cancer. 
I emotionally checked out.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     my guilt over not being able to deal with it.
I paralyzed.

--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     its impermanence

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It scared me into searching for meaning.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     faith 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     how unavailable I was to the dying one's family  

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     just missed them.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I was spurred on to investigate alternative medicine. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     the religion that I was raised with offered no relief, whatsoever. I
moved forward into spirituality.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Out of all of the funerals that I have attended, there are only 2
that felt even remotely attached to the deceased. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Just dreamed of death 2 days ago. I was sad, but not scared.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     lots of prayer

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 
      
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 25 00:19:17 1997
F21 in rawang, selangor =malaysia=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  i guess i was interested about this
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Prof/Studies: Psychology student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: high speed car crash;  Aged: 36.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     like saying goodbye forever. knowing that you will never ever see the
person ever again. like, whenever you want to call the person or talk to
the person, or even see the person, you CANNOT. because the person is
DEAD. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... when i heard the terrible news of
Diana,Princess of Wales.  I was not involved or anything...But everynight
the thought trickled down my spine. And i was rather confused than scared. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     her eyes and her two sons especially Prince William who looked so
very much like her

--What I think my (malaysia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     nothing

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that the dead will rest in peace

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     books and movies and being alone. maybe shed a little tear. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     still living and memories of her lingers on  

--[My friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     feel for her two sons

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     how it all happened and why?

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     stop it from happening .

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     anything that reminds me of her

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     why? what for?

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried, naturally. then it came to me as though i was in a dream
again. then it hit me again, the news started to sink in again..i cried
again. it repeats. until i dont know when

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the news

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     smoking

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Still has not  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Books & Films 
     Keeping busy

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 24 19:48:24 1997
F22 in columbia, sc =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  Yahoo Entertainment
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Prof/Studies: vet tech, student 
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Recommended Reading: 
	    Authors: Eli Wiesel
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet,  8 months ago.
Cause of Death: complications of Leukemia;  Aged:  2 yrs old.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the beginning of nothingness, a doorway into an unknown which begins
with the total lose of awareness and physical manifestations of life. For
the one experiencing death, there is nothing.  For those left behind,
there is lose. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was 6 years old. On my birthday, my best friend died. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  My best friend, a 64 year old woman whom I
visited every day after school, died on my birthday.  As I walked past her
house, I watched the paramedics roll her out while one performed chest
compressions. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the sharp, constant feeling of a missing piece in my life.  Some
think a pet is nothing, but Benjamin Oliver II was more human than most
people.  He was my only and constant companion for a year.  Never did he
show malice or misunderstanding.  He ant icipated my emotions, and arrived
when comfort was most needed.  He was a friend who with the intelligence
level of a three year old and an emotional intelligence level of an
ancient soul.  And so, you can understand me when I say the thing I
remember mos t vividly about how his death affected me is deep, and
unfillable lost. 

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that no matter who or what suffers the death, reverence should be
made.  But, normal everyday people forget how common death is and let it
pressure them to deep grief, instead of honored memories; whereas, those
who work in the field of death (doctor s, EMS, etc.) forget how sacred
death is. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     although I still often feel anger that my cat's death could have been
prevented if I had searched the alternative medicine world, I know that
his death came from a merciful hand would eliminated his suffering. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     his memory, holding onto keepsakes. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     finding fault in myself, kicking myself over how I could have
prevented the illness which led to his death, although it may never be
known if his death was preventable. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Person or animal, when someone is dying, just holding his hand,
stroking his hair, or any other type of physical demonstration of love can
comfort and make the road easier for that person.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when: 
     I couldn't figure out why the doctors wouldn't be aggressive, why
they wouldn't operate.  They considered Leukemia a death sentence and saw
no point in trying, which caused more frustration than confusion. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Death is really a funny thing, because for us it hurts, for him it
was just an end which he went to only knowing that I loved him.  For him
it was final and innocent, for me it will live on until my own death. 
Death's funny cause it don't hurt the o ne its doing.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     look into alternative forms of treatment, been more protective and
keep in so, so isolated, watched and monitored his eating habits, searched
for other ways. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     take an x-ray of his chest the day he died to confirm the mass in his
chest.  although that sealed his coffin, I was certain his death was
right, good because there was nothing that would keep him from dying so
why let him suffer like people must whe n the end is painfully enivitable. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I finger the red rubber ball he liked to carry around the house, or
when I wake up early in the morning, discovering he's not there, and start
to call his name or when I think of how empty my life's been without him. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     If he lived today, my life would be difficult. Because I am leaving
for the Peacecorps, I would have no where for him to go. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     He was all I had.  A damn cat was my life, my love because he was so
human.  He understood more words than most dogs!  He walked on a leash, if
asked.  He was my love, my love.  My only companion.  God is cruel. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     laid down at home in an empty and still house and cried.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     disgust. Because I worked for the Vet, my animal was sweep under the
carpet, put last.  His lab work was looked at three days after it was run. 
The vets gave me no aggressive therapy.  they only gave me a death
sentence, than forgot me.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing 

--Regarding MONEY:
     it was of little concern. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it is slow, and continiuos. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Other: 
     My family did not allow me to go to her funeral, which haunted me for
years.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 24 14:16:42 1997
F21 in San Juan, PR =USA=
Email:    <vivpsi-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  I was looking information for my school research about death
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Prof/Studies: Psychology major 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Many lives, Many masters.     Through time into healing.          Only love is real.      Future Life 
	    Authors: Bryan Weiss.                                                                                                               Migene Gonzalez-Wipler
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: natural death;  Aged: 81.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a natural phase that we all pass.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     I understood everything pretty well. I thought that he was going
straight to heaven. But, at the same time I knew it was very sad because
we were not going to see him again. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I was like 5 years old, my cousin died in a
fire at work. He was only 18. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is: 
     that I loved him very much and that I was going to miss him a lot. I was very sad because I didn't get to spend to many time with him because his later years he lived very far from me.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: 
     That nobody needs to fell afraid and that reincarnation is a
possibility. I certainly beleive on that. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that, at least, I know that my grandpa is not suffering anymore, and
that he is a lot better anywhere else

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     To be sincere nobody dealed with my pain . I guess I didn't show it
or everybody else were in more pain and more need than me. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that he was there for me all my life and all of the sudden he was
gone.Yesterday he was here ( I could call him if I wanted to), but today
he is not. Just like that

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Spend more time with him

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I think is very probable. That theory make sense to me as far as I
had read.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     nothing like that ever happened to me. I wish! 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I have none

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Religion/Clergy 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was a good experience. It made me recall what I felt and ,
actually, it made understand better the situation that I pass through now
that I'm not as vulnerable as I was at that time. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     No

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 23 07:38:06 1997
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt,  8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: overdose given by nurse;  Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     an end and a new beginning.  You are no longer on Earth, but you go
to another realm of existance. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...It was a great-aunt who I spent part of every
day with.  She had been sick in the hospital for a while but still I went
to see her all the time.  An accidental overdose by a nurse is what
officially killed her and that made losi ng her that much harder.  I
couldn't write it off as an act of God, because it was stupid human error
which took her from me.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the extreme loss I felt and still feel. Nothing has ever been the
same. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that the affects are there long after the funeral and that for some
people, the world really does stop turning until they can get past the
hurt. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing that if someone had just been more careful, it would have not
happened. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Books & Films 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Religion/Clergy 

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Mon Sep 22 23:47:55 1997
M27 in Ashland, OR =USA=
Name: Thomas Peterson
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
  Web Magazine
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Prof/Studies: Writer 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, n/a ago.
Cause of Death: isn't dead yet;  Aged: is 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Possibly the end of their existence. Possibly the beginning of their
"real" purpose. I don't know. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     Thought very little of it. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My Great Grandmother died in a nursing home. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     I am actually trying to deal with the inevitable (and, undoubtedly
soon) death of my Grandparents, who raised me. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Whether it is a beginning or an ending. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     At present, I see no upside to the death of loved ones. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I am trying to formulate a belief system for myself which will
explain death. At present, I do not have faith in any one philosophy of
existence. I am currently investigating existentialism, with which I seem
to identify. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     It will, I believe, be that communication with them is no longer
possible. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I don't know. My Grandfather is ready to die. I am not ready for him
to die. I do not know if I should support his desire for his exitemce to
end. It is a purely selfish desire.

--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I have no answers. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     What it means.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I am hoping to help my Grandfather to come to a degree of
understanding of the nature of existence. This, of course, is unlikely
since I am essentially talking about discovering "the meaning of life." 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     I am going to move in with my Grandparents, at least temporarily, so
I am grateful to have the opportunity to spend more time with them and
search for meaning together.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     An easy answer in the form of "faith" in a belief system created by man. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     My Grandfather says that he is ready for death, even wants it. I do
not want him to die yet, but I realize that this is purely for selfish
reasons. In all likelihood it will not matter because I have no control
over his death. In fact, I do not want to think about the possibility of
having some say in saving his life or letting him go. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I fear my death. I fear that it is the end of my existence and that I
will not have enough time to discover and accomplish whatever purpose (if
any) that there is for my life. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I enjoyed expressing how I am feeling. But it did not make me think
about anything which I have not already considered. 

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Mon Sep 22 17:13:48 1997
F33 in West Chazy, NY =USA=
Name: Kim Evans   <meevans-at-together.net>
 Web: http://WWW.together.net
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: homemaker 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  5 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of our bodies functioning-some believe the soul-
the part of us that feels emotions-lives on but no one knows for 
for sure.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     felt deeply a sense of guilt for all the things I wish I'd
said.A profound sense of loss,for what was gone.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... it was my grandfather,who was the
only father image I ever had.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     A sense of it being unreal-walking around and feeling like 
I wasn't a part of anything

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The chance to have enough time to tell my grandmother I loved
her.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     People who even now are willing to listen to me talk about
my grandmother. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Knowing that she was gone, and the feeling of emptiness
inside.

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Sometimes a dying person will hold on because of loved ones
that they can't let you go. No matter how much it hurts you
need to let them go. 

--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     am learning that there is no wrong way to grieve,no 
time limit to the pain.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Others seemed not to want or be able to talk about her.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Talk more to her,share what she really meant to me- and
the gratitude for all she did for me.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about the holidays to come,or all the everyday things
we used to share

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I wanted her to see my sons grow up.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt sadness but also a need to push it and the pain away.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Anger and disbelief the doctors built up a lot of false hopes 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     How well the minister who didn't know her,was able through
talking to family to get a sense of who she was.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     She spoke of my grandfather coming to her holding out his
hand. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     What heroic measure if any you want made to save your life
What kind of service any charity donations you might want
made in your honor.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     That I have been blessed with so much- and though I would miss so
much, I would be content for I have lived and loved known great sorrow and
great joy. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  What was it 
      
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It made me look at how I saw and perceived what happened.  Maybe now
the healing can begin. 

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Mon Sep 22 00:33:29 1997
M45 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a loved one leaving you and never coming back.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was never the same again.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandmother died from a heart attack, then
stroke. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     I feel I am so alone (I was surrounded by people who didn't approve
of my presence at the bedside of my friend of over 20 years). 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Let the loved ones know that you love them while they are alive. 
When they're dead, ya gotta eat it and it's bitter. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     no one cared what I endured as long as I got out of their house.  I
was told by an inlaw (retired police officer ya might know)  "You're a
stranger here."  The day my friend of 21 years died.  The wife called me a
week later to ask me for money.  I gave her $500.00 with a mass (catholic)
card only three days after the death. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I looked at pictures of my friend with the grown children and felt
comforted by the pictures.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about the exclusion of me by the family of my friend.  That I
was only good for a buck. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     tried to control myself, but I still cried.   Who cares?

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     fear.  Amazing how osteopaths cannot diagnose the most basic, common
diseases.  Numerous osteopaths were involved. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     very kind and considerate people. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     give 'em money. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     dramatic loss of weight and strength.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     It wouldn't help because a dream is within the individual and not
real in the sense of an interaction between two people. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     My wishes are ignored when I'm alive.  I expect no better when I'm
dead.  Throw me in the dumpster. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I hope it's fast and painless. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     work, work, work. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     you better take care of yourself because NO ONE gives a rat's rump
whether I live or croke. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     talking with a good friend who told me to remember what she taught me.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 
     destructive alcoholic mother 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     This questionnaire is for people who have relatives or someone who
cares about them.  I am totally alone and expect to die that way.  I hope
I don't smell the place up too much.  I'm so tired at 45 years old. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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Sun Sep 21 21:13:54 1997
F46 in Ojai, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  lookin for topics on "death and dying"
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Prof/Studies: RN - Home Health 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles:  
	    Authors: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ARDS from smoke inhalation;  Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The cesation of all senses.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     did not understand the finality of it. I was afraid of it because of
the adults' reactions.Because it protected me form a person who was
harmful to me, I felt relief. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my step-father died who was physically abusive
to me and my mother. I used to wish he would die and then he did! 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     hoe different my father's death was. for me. He died suddenly from
complication resulting from a fire in the house in which he was living. I
had unresolved issues with him, but still felt an immense loss; despite
our differences, he was my father and I loved him.I was most struck with
the thought that I would never be able to speak with him again; it was the
end of our relationship. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to accept it in this life and to realize that no matter what
someone believes, it is an end to something and that is vary painful to
experience. Also, people who are grieving appreciate opportunities to talk
about their lived one - so ask! 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     how my father's death affected so many others; I fely that my loss
was shared. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I didn't receive support from my husband or friends. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that it is final; there arre no more opportunities to work on the
relationship. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the hospital called wanting to know what heroic procedures were to be
performed for my father; I could hear the telemetry alarms going off,
signaling his heart had stopped. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     be with my father when he died.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I remember again that I can never talk to him again.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     There would be no pain.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I was denied a relationship with my father and I will never know him
as I wish to. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     never wake up and be in the same palce as members of muy family who
have died. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt so alone and in so much pain. It was more pain than I ever
remember having felt before. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     the medical community can help us with deal with pain, but cannot
help us deal with death.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     it cheapened my loss; my father's landlady was responsible for the
fire in her building that resulted in his death, but no amount of money
from her appeased my pain.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it provide a public forum in which grieving is acceptable. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the ritual of viewing the body; it looked like my father but wasn't
him as I remembered him. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it is important to let the person dying know how they heve impacted
your life. It may not be important to then, but it may be for you.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I believe this to be true. I lived in the house that my children's
grandmother had died in and I felt her presence many times until I
eliminated my fear of her presence by reminding myself that she cared
about all of us and was concerned that her gra ndchildren were alright.
Immediately after adopting this frame of mind, I no longer felt her
presence.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     Issues with my father will never be resolved as they pertain only to
the two of us.I have the feeling that I will be able to deal with these
feelings through my relationship with my children; i.e not repeat the
past. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would like to tell my father that I loved him and missed having him
there while I grew up and while my children grew up. I would tell him that
I am proud to be his daughter and tell his grandchildren why. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     My husband and I have agreed on what heroics we want for ourselves
and how we want our funereals to be conducted. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am not ready; my children are still too young and need my influence
and teaching. I will be ready when they are able to function on their own
in society. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I made myself aware early on that my grandparents were so much older
that I and so consciously refrained from wishing time to pass quickly as
it would mean less time with them. I wrote and spoke to my grandparents
about how much I loved them and how they were such a positive influence in
my life while they were alive and able to understand. This helped me later
after they had died; I felt a part of them was still with me. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     It is important for me to forget differences in the past and to
relish the present; I thing of this often when I find my mother irritating
me and I think that this is not such an important issue in the big
picture. I consciously try to enjoy the time that we have together, now. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Guilt 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I am in the final stages of a class on Hospice and found this
Website. I am a nurse and have dealt with death and dying frequently, but
not on a personal level until my grandparents and father died. I thought I
was prepared, but found I went through many feelings that my patients had
experienced despite my training.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 19 06:32:25 1997
F24 in Marietta, GA. =U.S.A.=
Name: Kelly Ann Malkowski
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Prof/Studies: Job N/A  Student of Psychology 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Living In The Light; Going Within; Many Lives, Many Masters, Healing Through Time, Only Love Is Real, You Were Meant To Be Together. 
	    Authors: Shakti Gawain, Shirley MacLaine, Brian Weiss M.D., Ph.D., Brad Steiger
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 ago.
Cause of Death: Various elements;  Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     We are all eternal beings composed of infinite energy that transfers in cycles, living one lifetime after the other in order to gain soul/spiritual evolution.  The body may die, but our spirits do not.  Being that our spirits are composed of infinite






 energy, this energy has the basic concensus as defined in physics: it
doesn't end, it transfers.  For every action, there is an equal and
opposite reaction; therefore, after the death of a body, the soul knows
exactly where it needs to go for it's next c ycle or life.  It is because
of this universal rule that all things are equal.  We are all a part of
the vast source of God.  In this sense, it is valid to say, no one ever
really dies, but that just cycles come to an end. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     comforted that person, reassuring them that though that person was
gone, that person would always be with them in spirit. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandmother died when I was nine years old
and we had always been very close.  It was a very unexpected turning point
in my life. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     My sense of loss and disappointment in my father for all the things
he promised to do with me, but never did.  Sometimes I think my
cat(Walter) is a reincarnation of him, because we have this very close
relationship and I had always loved my dad and been close to him when he
was alive.  Sometimes Walter reminds me of him and sometimes the way he
looks at me, it's like saying, "I'm right here.  I never left you all
along." 

--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Death is only the promise of a new beginning.  The Earth is like a
school and we all live lives to learn about life and those spiritual
values which make it necessary to spiritually evolve onto a higher plane. 
Life is nothinbg but cycles, microcosmi c and macrocosmic.  Even planets
ans solar systems have cycles just the same as a catipillar living it's
life to spin a cocoon and transform into a butterfly.  It is the way of
God.  God is the beginning and end.  God is the infinite energy of all
things and that we are all a part of.  So death is really not death.  It
is a new beginning for the soul to go onto other spritual reals and things
before it reincarnates back onto Earth. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The fact I have dreams about my dead relatives assures me that they
are very well alive, though not on my plane of existance.  The come to
visit me in dreams and we talk and so I really don't miss them anymore and
I realize that things never really t ruely die. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I think music.  Music has been my escape for years and no matter what
happens, I can always turn on the radio and feel comforted by the sounds,
words and rhythms.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not being able to completely finish everything I wanted to do with
them and the fact I have so many unanwered questions about things in my
family, it leaves me feeling disappointed.  Since I am a part of them, I
just try to find those answers within myself, and maybe one day, I'll have
a dream, where one comes to visit and tells me things when they think it's
time I should know. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Being ther for someone I think lets them know that they aren't alone,
that they have someone there who cares about them and will be there if
they need support. 

--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     no matter whether she was a live or not right now, her spirit will
always be with me and we will always remain close in dreams and in that
paranormal/intuitional way where when things happen in life and you can be
rest assured that no matter whether your relative is dead or alive, you
know they're still there for you, looking over you, and protecting and
helping you through your life. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The first say, four or five years after my grandmother's death.  I
was so different once she'd died.  To this day, some of my relatives can
tell you that I've never been the same since, it was like a part of me
died along with her and I must admitt, things never have been the same for
me. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Keep on laughing, because daeth is not really an end.  You will be
together again.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ask my father questions about my family and relatives and about the
things they brough over from Germany.  It would mean so much to me this
day.  I will always feel that empty hole because I never got the chance to
seriously sit down and talk with my
 dad.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: 
     tell my grandmother and my father how much I really loved them. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: 
     I don't know... 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: 
     The sheer sense that they have lost their loved one forever, when I
know one day they will meet again. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: 
     I listen to Ralph Vaughn William's "The Lark Ascending," or Ravel's
"Bolero."  Those are very emotional songs for me because "The Lark
Ascending" is like the life my dad and grandma once lived and relished in
their family pride.  I think of all the t hings they did and all of the
things they gave to me as a person that I should be proud of.  "Bolero"
was my dad's favorite tune of all time and since he was a Marine and
really into the military, I think about him, because it's a very noble
tune and our family name is very noble and has a lot of pride.  I can't
help but cry... 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I sure wouldn't be living where I am now or have the education I'm
getting, that's for sure!  If they hadn't died, especially my grandma, I
would still be living in a small town in Wisconsin, probably married and
have a family.  I wouldn't've gone of f to college or done anything with
my life.  When she died, my parents had no choice but to sell the house
and move to a big city.  We decided to move south, since the warmer
weather would comply better with my father's health.  He died four years
after my grandmother and my mom met an educated, upper middle-class man
who pretty much raised our standard of living.  I became influenced by
city living and by an environment of kids whose parents had high hope for
them.  I decided that one day I was going to be like that and have kids
like that.  I had a vision of the future.  I had been exposed to the world
and had learned many things from it, things that would later benefit me. 
I guess in a morbid way, her death was a blessing in disguise. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     but then again, everything happens for a reason, so therefore it must
be fair for some reason.  There must have been some reason that I had to
experience the loss and the death.  It is all for my own spiritual
learning. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Like I said, it's no longer difficult for me to deal with their not
being here anymore.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I never felt that way about my grandmother as much as I felt that way
about Lady Di.  What had happened was absolutely unbelievable and even now
it's still hard to believe.  It's one of those things I guess you just
have to get used to over time. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     We never received a whole lot of help from the medical community.  I
just look back and say that they know a lot more now about stuff than they
did then.  I suppose if they landed in the hospital for any dying reason,
the doctors "now" would be able to help or save them a lot better.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     None of that was involved. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     God had failed me.  God was not fair.  My idea of God at the time was
from a very narrow, Catholic perspective.  I thought God was this big man
in the sky and judged you or punnished you or watched you all the time. 
It made me very paranoid.  I don' t feel that way about God anymore.  I
have a very health belief in God now and I have found peace within myself
in better dealing with situations like death or trauma.  I'm a lot more
spritually educated now.  I think on a soul level, I have evolved somew
hat.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: 
     I think I explained this earlier in how I would describe death to an
alien race in what it was like for humans.  I just feel God is
everpresent, omnipresent, and that everyone and everything is all a part
of what God is... the whole universe or unive rses.  It's all a continueum
of infinite, divine energy.  All things are in bablance.  They may not
seem like they are when people are victimized, but like science says, "For
every action there is an equal and opposite reation."  There is both
positive an d negative in the universe.  It is the necessary way of life. 
Life doesn't end, it transfers like the energy it is and continues forth,
growing and evolving until it reintegrates with other evolved energies and
then returns back to the source.  It's all one big cycle of cycles.  We
are all a part of the same thing.  It's our perception that creates the
illusion.  Once you change your mind, you can change your life.  Imagine
if we changed our minds, we could change the world.  Reality is just a
reflection of ourselves.  Everything is a part of everything else.  It is
all God; therefore, God is unbiased and nondiscriminational.  There can be
no one way to believe in God.  This is why I am not a part of any
organized religion, because somewhere down the road, human beings missed
the point.  To worship a God would be to deny one's devine spirit when we
ourselves are in fact just sparks of God.  I want to leave you with
something I was brought up to believe: I was taught that Jesus always
said, "To find God, one
 must look within."  I think it's about time we did. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     Eventually my life got better financially.  My family and I moved up
on the social ladder.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I can only remember something my mom told me about it that makes me
feel spooky.  It is traditional that the son of the mother or father stand
at the head of the cascatte.  It symbolizes that he will be the one who
takes the place of the responsibili ties his mother or father once had. 
Well, it wasn't my dad that stood at the head of the cascatte.  It was me. 
It is true.  I have taken on the more noble responsibilies in the family
and I know I will be the one who is most successful and I will be the
 one who puts our name back in the noble position it belongs.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Coming to realize the blessings in disguise. Though that though their
death seemed tragic and horrible as culture deems it should be, on karmic
or spiritual level, it was meant to happen that way.  It was a blessing in
disguise, because I wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't been for
those experiences. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     That glazed look of peace when it shows up in their eyes.  You know
that they are witnessing or reviewing everything that has happened in
their lives and they are spiritually preparing for death. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I guess I'm just sad to see someone go, another person leave Earth. 
I feel bad for the person(s) related to the person who died and all I can
do is sympathize and be supportive.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I mentioned earlier that I have dreams at night of my dead relatives
and they come to visit me in these dreams.  It's just their way of
reasuring you that they really aren't "gone" and that you should never
feel alone, because they will always be the re for you.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     No, it's never happened to me, but I've heard about those remarkable
experiences and it confirms what I've believed spiritually all along.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     Well, as for my grandmother, I really miss her, but I know when I
die, she will be the first person waiting for me on the other side.  My
dad promised me things like wanting to see me grow up, graduate high
school, go to college, marry one day and ha ve a family.  He never made it
to see those days.  he gave up on himself and gave up on me too.  I feel
babd about it.  It is the loss that I think I will probably carry to my
grave.  I don't feel too bad about it anymore.  I've realized through my
educat ion that he was a sick man.  I mean, he was alcoholic, he
experience post-traumatic syndrome from the two wars he'd been in (WWII &
Korea), and after his family started to die(first his twin brother, then
his dad, then finally his mom), he gave up on life .  He didn't want to
live anymore as long as they weren't around.  They were his life.  In
spite of it all, I know my dad and grandma are there for me.  They're
still around.  When something happens in my life that I'm afraid I might
not be able to handle , t hings just seem to work out some way and I know
it was because they were looking out for me. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I just want to ask them where in Germany did my great grandparents
come from and why they wanted to come.  I also woant to ask my dad how he
feels about having abandoned me like me did by giving up on himself? 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     For me it was how my dad and grandma viewed me in their eyes.  I know
they loved me very much and would want me to succeed at anything I ever
chose to do.  I remember my dad telling me once that he didn't care what I
did, jsut as long as I was happy and if I was happy, then he was happy. 
That meant a lot to me. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I once thought about what it would be like to have AIDS and have a
death sentence like that.  I just don't know what I would want to do.  I
think I would try to invest in promoting a cure, maybe share things with
other people about AIDS, but try to a ccomplish a little of everything I
came here to live this life and do. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I usually listen to thoe two songs I mention above, I
cross-stich(which is something my grandmother always did), or I make a
wonderfully, scrumptious, hearty German meal.  I reminice and comfort
myself. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Once I realized the blessing in disguise, the experience turned into
strength and gave me the courage to move onward. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     The strong sense of pride in my family to move on and to do the best
I can to carry on tradition in spite of her absence. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I think it helped me summarize a lot of things I've thought about
from time to time over the years and I think it was healthy to reflect on
a lot of things.  It helps one get in touch with themselves. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     No, I really think it was an excellent questionaire.

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Thu Sep 18 19:39:01 1997
F22 in Edmonton, Alberta =Canada=
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Prof/Studies: MSc student (Environmental Biology and Ecology) 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 day ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 22.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When life as we know it ends and all contact with those we love
ceases.  I think we still exist, but those who love us no longer get to
express love for us physically. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was 16 and my grandfather died from complications of an angina (the
asprin thinned his blood and caused an ulcer and he bled to death
internally).  I miss him more than I can ever say.  And there are so many
things that I will never know because I wa s too young to think to ask
them. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My grandfather died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     Regret.  My freind was diagnosed with cancer only 3 months before and
it had spread to most of her internal organs by that time, so it was
inoperable and untreatable.  Because it killed her so fast, I feel regret
for the things that I never had a cha nce to tell her.  My sould feels
troubled because of it. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: 
     that she isn't suffering anymore.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking to my friends. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     having my feeling belittled by some insensitive person in my life.  

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I realized how young she was.  I mean why her?  She finally found a
man who wanted to marry her and she wanted children.  And she'll never get
to experience any of those things.  I am no more special than she is, so
why her? 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I did it because I really didn't know what else to do.  Laughing is
such a strong emotion-eliciting response, and before it hit me that she
was really gone, the only emotion that I could express was through
laughter.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell her that I loved her. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that she died so young and was cheated out of the experiences that we
all take for granted will happen to us (marriage, childbirth...) 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     became scared that my own immortality could also be tested at such a
young age. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     a feeling of "there's no point in even trying."  I never want to be
around that kind of negative energy again.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: 
     Trying to accept the fact that my religion states that there is no
"after death" but I just can't believe that she's no longer on this world
in some way.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like I wish it was true, but I just don't know what to accept. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     giving up.  Once you accept it, there's nothing to fight for.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     That I love her and I am sorry for ever having possibly caused her
grief (both intentionally and otherwise). 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     If I am dying slowly or only really alive physically, I would want to
be put out of my misery (aka euthanasia) 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would be mad.  I would be enraged.  And I would fight with every
once of my courage to keep it from ending my time on this Earth

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 

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Wed Sep 17 08:39:53 1997
M19 in Leawood, Kansas =USA=
Name: Eric O'Keefe
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  was looking for psychology tests to participate in (more spefically:
Myers-Briggs) 
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Prof/Studies: Student, sociology and psychology, KSU 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 14 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 10.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     believed to be the end of our biological lives, where our body's stop
functioning and many humans believe that our consciousness continues on in
some higher plane of existance.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     went to my mother to try and comfort her, I was really too young to
know what it meant to me yet, but I knew it hurt my parents in a deeper
way than they could vocalize

--That first time, how it happened was
     I was five, and my older brother (then 10) had cancer, non-hodgkens
something or another, and he died after about one year in the hospital. 
He actually died becuase of a blister in his esophagus that popped and
bled, due to the fact that he didn't h ave an appetite.  I knew all this
information when i was that age, my parents hid nothing from me. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     That people sometimes seem to have a tough time letting go, for some
reason we find it difficult to accept death as the final end, even though
it is the only inevitable thing in our lives

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's not that big of a deal.  in other countries, death is
celebrated, such as El Dia de los meurtos (the day of the dead, mexico)
and people do not let death make them into sobbing vegatables for weeks,
months, or even years.  Our culture takes deat h, and turns it into a
public sympathy display. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I have learned to deal with life as a special thing.  Death is
inevitable, and I am no different from any other person. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My parents.  if it weren't for the way they reacted (strong, and they
kept on going with thier lives), I would have treated it as a much bigger
ordeal in my life, and possible could still be greatly traumatized by it
today

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the fact that I will never know who I might have been if he wouldn't
have died

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     telling them you are there, and care for them. 

--[My Brother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     sorry, this question is a little unclear.  I don't understand well
enough to answer properly

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     he was finally dead, there was a short period (20 minutes maybe)
where I didn't know how to react. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     this thought seems foriegn to me pertaining to my experience with my
brother, I don't think I was old enough to comprehend the whole thing. 
I'd probably laugh now though, and sometimes I do make jokes about it. 
death is serious, but really everyon e needs an outlet sometimes to
releive the pressure.  Laughter is a great stress reliever. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     when my brother died, I went into the room to see him and my father
asked if i wanted to kiss him good-bye.  I remember, with extreme clarity,
thinking that i didn't want to kiss a dead body.  Instead, I gave him a
hug.  There is only one thing in my life that I regret, and that is not
kissing my brother good-bye. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     not become some sobbing, searching for pity, pathetic person who
never got over the death of his brother

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     cannot think of anything. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     cannot think of anything

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     when I'm really depressed or in a high stress situation.  For
examply, my first year of college, I spent a huge amount of time thinking
about my brother and what he meant to me, and sometimes I would mourn his
death, and miss him, because I never rea lly got the chance to know him. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would not be who I am today. I am the sum of my experiences.  my
outlook on life and all my views (religious, political, romantic, etc) are
based upon what has happened to me.  Having a brother die when I was only
5 made me grow up much faster than any other kid.  I fear that if that
hadn't happened to me when I was younger I would probably have a stupid,
younger outlook on life now. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     It's just not fair, but too bad.  there is no reversing it or
appealing death.  I learned to live with it. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     does not apply

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Mentally shrugged and moved on.  Even at five, or perhaps because I
"was too young to really understand what happened", I knew that life would
go on for me; even though it wouldn't for my brother. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     the medical world tries to help.  people who sue the medical world
are useless leaches to society as far as I'm concerned.  There are some
doctors who do try and milk you for every dollar, but really most doctors
go through years and years of schooli ng because they want to help people.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     not applicable

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     not much as far as the death was concerned. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     true.  Death is the one thing in all societies and all biological
organisms that is unescapable.  Different cultures and societies deal with
it differently and a religious outlook helps to deal with the question of
what happens to my consciousness wh en I die.

--Regarding MONEY:
     actually, the insurance companies tried to cancel thier policies with
us, and it caused great stress for my parents.  I think it's kinda sad,
but then when do live in materialistic monatary based society
 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     people were sympathetic to my parents and especially me.  Which has
actually had an interesting affect on me...I don't like having other
people's sympathy given to me. Kind of odd. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     There are no wierd parts.  It happens.  Sorry if that sounds
unemotional or doesn't proplerly answer the question, but from an
intellectual point of view, there is nothing weird about death. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     loss of will.  when a person mentally gives in, death is sure to
follow. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     did not apply 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     not applicable 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     not applicable

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would change nothing, only that I would kiss him good-bye.  I feel
that would really help add some closure to the situation.  That is the
only thing I think I might have done wrong or would do differently

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     For legal factors, "rights & wishes of the dying" is great.  it eases
the legalality of any death realated processes because it stops any
quarrels among the non-dying people.  If someone is dying and doesn't want
to be hooked up to a machine, that is thier right, who is to say that
someone should be kept alive just so that the living can feel slightly
more comfortable.  Tough caca, people die.  accept it and move on

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have given much thought to my own mortality.  I place a great
importance on human intelligence, and honestly not that great an
importance on individual human life. (i'm not saying murder is good or
anything like that at all) People come and go, as will I, hopefully
everyone --myself included-- can contribute something to others before
they die.  A sort of mental immortality, if you will. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I really went on almost completely normally with my life.  My mother
got involved with helping other people greive, and my father visits his
grave on his birthday every year, but I really don't have anything
special.  ...I did come to regard him as m y gaurdian angel from age 9/10
until 14/15 though, if that is what you are looking for. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I don't consider him my gaurdian angel anymore, and that is the only
thing I could possibly think of which might be close to a practice or
ritual. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     it was probably a combination of my family's sensitivities and my
parents beliefs.  I was only five, and therefore my reaction was greatly
dependent on how they dealth with the death of one of thier 2 sons

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 
     I have really never had any problems dealing with the loss of my
brother, perhaps it is because of the fact that it occoured at such a
young age

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I like the Idea of this questionarre.  As a student of social
psychology it interest me very much.  I would love to find out what your
conclusions of this study are.  I would also like to defend myself for a
minute and just say that although i may sound rather morbid and uncaring
in this questionarre, I don't want any inferences drawn that I, or people
like me, live life with a morbid, shut out, screw them type of mentality.
From a scientific point of view death is death, and there is nothing
anyone can do about it.  i don't think it turned me into a cold person
(i'm an eNFp actually).  I would love to hear your results though, on what
effects you believe it has on people. 

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Wed Sep 17 01:24:58 1997
F33 in austin, texas =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  curious about survey
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  yrs14 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a closure of a long and adventerous journey finally coming to its
final stop. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was very young and almost too young to realize the envy and the
sorrow my heart had felt at this individual's passing.  for a few short
weeks he was a "celebrity" because of his passing , yet at that time you
wre envious of his attention while you wre still here. (not grandpa). 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandfather had a hear attack in front of
myself and my 1 year old son. It proved fatal. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     wittmessing the death itself.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not to put our dead on display, but to remember them as they were in
our own lives. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the greatcompany of many friends and family, which I will hold in
memory, in my heart always , hopefully until the day I die. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my father , my children and my pets 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the loss of a friend and a confidant, either it be friend or relative.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I cannot justify an answer all were sudden. 

--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     saw the peace in his expression upon his passing , although sudden, a
calm came to his face that let me know he was okay. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     the body relaxed and all the bodily fluids and functions gave way. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     granpa, that was agreat joke you pulled on me that day when you died. 
    I just wondered how you thought i handled the situation compared to
everyone else!!!!!  

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     apologize for how spiteful i'd been, and trying to be a problem even
when i hated doing it, and to say thanks for all the compliments and
support no matter what i had done. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     give grandpa a great grandson for just alittle while and that he saw
him walk.and that he held and loved my baby.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     your last 10 seconds w/ that person

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     last words

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i dream aboutit

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     holidays would be different, anniversaries, picnics from the past
they'd just be bigger celebrations. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     children die

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     go back, but you can't so life goes on. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was shocked and until that point had some hope.  when upon realizing
the fact, memories are what yu try to blank out but, later they later are
your mental diary and photo album, you hold them dear. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: 
     utmost praise. the deaths in my famiy occurred so fast nothing could
be done.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     none
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Helping Other People cope 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 16 23:36:18 1997
Anonymous Guest F52
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
  looking up "on death and dying"
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Not specifiaclly on death but Sri Swami Satchidananda's teachings in his many books have helped me. 
	    Authors: 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor,  this ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 73a .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a release from the form.  Taking off the outer jacket so the soul can
move on.  Transmigration of the soul.  On to other experiences. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was courious and cried.  Also pensive as I thought about where they
went and what was left. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my grandmother died and we went to her funeral
My Uncle wasa funeral director and so the funeral was in a familar place.
The apt wher his sister lived was were the service was, and the basement
was the facality to take care of bodies. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the sense of relief from his pain.  And a joy for his spirit. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It is as transitory as life.  With the body comes the letting go of
the body.  Each human faces the same transition.  Neither negetive or
positive.  It just is. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     missing the person.  Knowing there are no more phone calls or cups of
tea. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Be still and Know that I am God.  Be Comforting, kind and gentle. 
Let the person go without holding them back because of our own attachment
to the body.  Reassure them that everyone else they leave behind will be
fine and it's ok to release the body.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     gather bits and pieces of information about their life that is now
lost forever. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there for them. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     they lost all sense of attachment to this life/plane. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I miss them and see something that reminds me of them or want to
share something with them. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     My kids would have a grandmother to play with

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     not really---it's all fair--just not necessarily understandable.  God
has a plan---The God within has a plan about what wer are supposed to do
and have done this life.  Subconsiously we know it. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     have a good cry with my Mom, and sit on her lap again
and be the child again. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     recoginzed and accepted (more) my own mortality.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Gratitude as the nuses sang to Mom and helped her make a
beautiful transition. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     ok  but never without the smell of illness and lingering death 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     My Ecumenical belief system:  Truth is One, Paths are Many, There are
as many paths to God as there are people to get there as there is no
choice. We're all going home to God eventuallly.  It's just a matter of
lifetimes. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I have six children, 5 born naturally, and 7 grandbabies all born at
home (water births) and I was fortunate to be with a friend as she left
the body.  The truth for me is the moments be for each were the same.  A
hush, a peaceful quiet in a way.  An indescribable energy shift.  I felt
it is "transmigration of the soul".  A shifting of garments.  A release
from one plane into another. Like a butterfly and a cacoon.

--Regarding MONEY:
     Hummmm! That aspect hasn't been in my experience.  Medicare took care
of my Mother and my Aunt and Uncle paid for the funeral.  However, I do
believe in cremation and in choices about ending ones life in a dignified
manner.  Perhaps earlier than if things are left to "run the course".  To
much money is spent trying to hold onto the last few months of the body.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Back to my friend ---Joy, Laughter, Friendship he shared with all To
a small childs funeral --A sense of saddness but generally acceptance and
Light. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Seeing the form with out the life force in it.  Truely just a "coat"
over the soul. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Disengaging from life.  Not interested inthe things that once were so
important. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     It is a natural progression for all of us.  Only the time, place,
where's and whyfore's are variable.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     none that I know of 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     A trusted friend and confident.  Not someone you would have to go
through all the details of "catch-up" with.  I suppose if a person we in
serious trouble letting go, a counsler would be necessary. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     See above

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Preferably, of old age abut 100.  If necessary earlier then as
gracefully and painlessly as possible. And quick.  No lingeringly illness. 
Lots of partier and fun for those left behing.  Lots of sharing of
memories and joy. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     talking to the person.  Thinking of them just before I go to sleep
and then often in a dream we have a long visit and a knowing that all is
well. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Living in the Golden Present.  The only moment we ever have is the
present.  Being here now and present for the life process around me.
Nature, people, children. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     Karma and reincarnation. Higher Power and greater good.  All is for
good. All is from God.  There is nothing or noone outside of God - which I
consider Light and energy. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  What was it 
     not grieving --- not knowing how to. Not seeing examples of grief. 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It reminded me how I feel about death.  Mine and others.  It reminded
me how I feel about Life.  Mine and others.  Pleasure, Pain, Joy and
Sorrow.  All part of the human experience.  It wouldn't be a full life
without the full spectrum. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Children?? How we could help them. And how they may have been
affected and helped or not helped. Also Basic practical needs for the
dying.  I have a friend with breast cancer and she doesn't know her
prognoisis yet but the possiblity is there.  She has two sons, a job, a
home, no husband, no medical insurance, etc.  There's a great article in
Redbook called "What her friends did when she was dying"  Our community is
participating in a group effort to help her through this time. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 16 08:34:19 1997
M35 in Cape Girardeau, MO =USA=
Name: Mustapha   <cafemusti-at-ibm.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  For some reason I decided to do an internet search on death and dying. 
And, I stumbled on to your site. 
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Prof/Studies: self employed 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  14yrs ago.
Cause of Death: traffic accident/killed by a drunk driver;  Aged: 46.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the cessation of who and what we are.  The extinguishing of a very
faint but special light which will never be re-ignited again. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was just a child fighting for my own life. I remember being
transported on the back of an old construction truck (after the riot) and
there were many people in the back of the truck as well.  Some were
wounded to various stages and some were dead.  T here was an arm that was
near my face and I could see the sweat and blood on it.  The person was
wearing an old wristwatch and it was badly cracked.  I hated it but, I
could not get it away from my face. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I witnessed a riot in which quite a few people
were killed (Istanbul, Turkey... early 1970's) I was also shot in the
chest and was in cardiac arrest for a short time. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The confirmation of how easy it is to lose one's life... You just
simply never know!

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     ... I'm not sure how to answer this... I really do not know the
answer.  Perhaps if the question was more focused on to a certain aspect
of death... i.e., grieving, acceptance, etc. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I'm afraid this does not apply to me. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I decided to live life on my own terms... I wanted to experience and
do things without the constraints of a typical persons life... even to a
point of irresponsiblity.  Doing and experiencing things that are not
harmful.  If you wander what it is to own a certain car just buy it, If
you want to see a city or country just do it. Currently I read alot... I
feel the need to "learn" as much as possible at the same time putting
things in "perspective".  Structured learning without the "structure" in a
man ner.  Am I carrying things to "extremes"?  Possibly so. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the "trauma" associated with that persons death.  Broken apart...
severely damaged and traumatized.  Also the realization of how "violent"
death can be. Most importantly, how easy it is for death to catch us
unaware.  My father had many aspirations, dreams, and desires... none of
that matter now.  His life has been forever extinguished by some jerk of a
drunk driver. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     n/a

--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     n/a

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     n/a

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     sorry, I'm afraid this does not apply to me. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ... talk with my father on a very sincere level to understand what it
was that caused him to abandon his family (a very beautiful wife and his
three year old son.) 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     ... can't think of anything. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     n/a 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the funeral (viewing not interment)  or rather the trouble that
people seem to go through making a dead person look "alive"!  Why not
simply show them as they are... (I know that this is not practical... but
all the rituals of funeral such as the mak e-up etc, seems to be to help
us mask ourselves from death and to hide from it.) Why do we have
viewing!?  I don't necessarily believe that we need viewing in order to
come to grips with the reality of death.  We are among the few who do
this.  Yet, many cultures simply have quick burials. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I dont think I'm "over it all"  I'm not sure if this is possible for
me to do so.  I simply try not to dwell on the topic.  (though I seem to
be doing just the opposite by working on this questionnaire.) 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I've wondered about it... what if my father was still alive?  I'm
afraid I do not know the answer and my own relationship with him was not
at a level where I could "imagine" miracles...  My life would have taken
me far away from him and we simply wou ld not have communicated that much
at all... if any due to all the unresolved issues. We were simply too
different (I hope!)

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     The very pharase ran through my mind over and over as I was drowning
in my own blood, as my lungs filled and I found myself gasping for air.  I
thought that I was very young and that it just was not fair... 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Pray to God and somehow be "rescued" from all the madness.  I want so
much to believe in heaven (though not necessarily in hell... which we seem
to live in already.) Would it be not reassuring to see a beautiful Angel
descend through the kind of skie s one sees in Michelangelo paintings, and
to take hold of her hand... 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     realized that we are all living on "borrowed" time and somehow we
have to make some sense of why and what we are here for... or simply
accept that we are here for no particular reason at all... 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     The "Medical Community" was not able to do anything for us as my
father died at the location of the accident. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     n/a 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     not much... I know if God exists (and I think God does exist) I have
to find him in my own heart. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I think we react in a similar fashion to death universally.  I think
that perhaps there is a common human reaction that was pre-programmed into
us sometime ago in our evolution.  What ever the answer is I think perhaps
that similar thoughts go throug h our minds...

--Regarding MONEY:
     n/a 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     How people "behave" around death.  Some do not comprehend, some
ignore it completely, and some are frightened by it as is evident in their
"uncomfort" around it. Generally speaking, the "older" people, those over
sixty for example, understand that at least death is there lurking... just
around the next corner.  Younger people however seem to be "armored"
against this knowledge.  The very refusal of death I think allows people
to generally go through life... (I'm not sure how to end this sentence
thou gh I know what I mean by it.) 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     ... can't really think of anything ...

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     some times there are no "important" signs or "mileposts."  I know
though in cases of terminal illness there are... but even then the final
stage can happen with unexpected speed. I think sometimes even the
"Medical Community" is surprised when it com es.  I suppose the "person"
him/herself would be the one to watch for.  I think often the individual
"knows/senses" when the end is near... So, I think we need to pay more
attention to the person, to what they are saying and feeling. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     n/a 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I'm not sure if this is "wishful" thinking, hallucinations due to
various reasons, both, or something else entirely.  It would be nice to
believe that someone loved and dear to me would be there waiting for me...
who knows? I simply remember nothing at all.

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     It has, I believe, completely changed my life and my
concept/understanding of life.  I think it's ok to "waste" time for
example on trivial things... If you want to do something simply do it...
or at least try. One should not live one's own life to o ther peoples time
tables.  I also think that children are the ultimate revenge against
death. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I simply do not have the understanding of "who" my father was.  I
mean I know the little bits and peaces... Though even my own interactions
with him did not really give me any insights to who he really was.  I wish
I could have found a way to underst and what it was that made him "tick"
to do the things that he did.  I can't think of a single person who could
really help me with this... maybe my grandmother but, she has since passed
away and so that is not possible either. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     "Why?" "Why did you leave us?"  or possibly, "How was it possible for
you to do so?"  And, "how would you do things now?" 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I do not want "excessive" grieving! hahaha I want to be "remembered"
by my friends and hopefuly I've enriched their lives in such a way that
this will prove to be. I would like people to remember me with a smile! 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have a first hand knowledge of what death is about.  I know the
next time I probably will not be so lucky.  What is important to me is
that I do not want to be alone as I die.  I want at least someone there
comforting me as it happens... 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Perhaps I tend to carry things to the extreme... within reason
though.  For example, I do not sleep around, or use drugs, etc.  I do
however read alot and do other things (such as collecting) to extreme. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     There is no "dealing" with death.  I understand the finality.  I also
have come to realize that no one holds a magic number, meaning, I could
die tomorrow... despite what I've planned for the day.  Life is very
fragile and we tend to waste it withou t a care. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 
     The "understanding" of death... To know what it is like to be dying! 
To really understand the "separation" from life. I think a typical person
lives in "innocence" from the understanding and comprehension of death.
Although I do believe there is "p eaceful letting go" there is no
insurance for it.  My own father was killed in a traffic accident by a
drunk driver and the way he died was horrible!  There was nothing peaceful
about it.  As I lay drowning in my own blood there was nothing peaceful
going through my mind. 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it was trying... 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     "Are you afraid of death?"  "Why?" "Why not?"  

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Sep 14 08:26:32 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Prof/Studies: manager 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  20 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke;  Aged: 81.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the begining of a new life, if you know and trust Jesus as your Lord
and Savior. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was 5. It was sorta strange to be told she was with Jesus and still
have a body on earth. This gave oppurtunity to seperate body and soul, and
the diffrences. All in turn this increased my understanding that all
things have a season to live, prosper and die. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     It was my Grandmother. I was 5, and was told she went to be with
Jesus. But then I wanted to know "Why is she in that box?" 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     family

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     nothing.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     you have memories and children that live through you.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     family 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The spirt leaves the body.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
      
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Sat Sep 13 20:44:05 1997
Anonymous Guest Age 2020 in Brooklyn, Ohio =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of one life and the beginning of another.  People grieve for
themselves, not for the person who is dead. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was numb for a very long time.  I still recall the first time I saw a
dead body.  Everytime I go into a funeral parlor it gives me the creeps. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... a good friend of mine passed away while
preforming at a church.  He was a choir director and someone I loved very
much.  He taught me to sing and I learned to love it.  I gained the
confidence I needed, with his help, to sing in church on my own.  Louie
died when he was only forty, when I was in eigth grade.  He made such an
impact on my life in such a short period of time.  I will always love him. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     all the crying I did.  When I heard the news I burst into tears. 
There was no denial period that time.  I just knew Kerri was dead. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     funerals need to be more personal.  People should have a chance to
tell stories and share memories.  They should lean on each other in times
of need. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     My friend's death taught me to be more open about my feelings and not
to let important things just slip away, like time. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being able to talk to others about how I was feeling.  It was more
important for me to talk to those who didn't know Kerri and know that I
wasn't bothering them.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing that I would never see Kerri again or tell her how much she
means to me. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Sometimes words are hard to find.  Keep it simple, like I love you,
or say nothing at all.

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     came to realize that time is precious and people need to be reminded
of how much they mean to you before it is too late. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Kerri died so young.  It doesn't seem fair at all.  Also, the funeral
parlor is very confusing. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     my emotions were so worked up and my body/mind could not take all the
negativity. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with Kerri and other people that I have lost. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     come home for the funeral.  I would not have been able to move on if
I had not had the chance to say goodbye. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the family and friends marched in with the coffin.  It was touching
to watch everyone's faces.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the motions of the funeral mass.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I go to class and see her ex-roommate.  I want to talk
about her but feel awkward doing it.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think that we would be good friends, maybe carpooling and talking
baseball.  She would always be making me laugh. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     she had to leave my life so soon.  I was just getting to know her. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     tuck this pain away forever. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     realize that it is a part of life but try not to dwell on it. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they could do nothing. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     having a more positive outlook on death. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     the common element is humanity; everyone is vulnerable and everyone
dies and is effected by deaht.

--Regarding MONEY:
     it was not very splashy, which is the way she would have liked it. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     so many people cared about her or came to support those that did care
about her. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the sense that time was standing still.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     feeling rundown, knowing in your mind that the end is near.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     denial is such a powerful stage, acceptance is necessary for healing,
and talking is also important. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I have never seen my friend but sometimes I feel her presence or
think about her at the strangest times.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I still miss my friend and feel quilty about not making the most of
our time together. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I want to tell my fiend that I really cared about her and that she
meant so much to me and that I still love her.  It might help me feel less
guilty. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I think it is important to honor people's wishes. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would like to have a different funeral and I would be more daring
and try things that I wouldn't normally.  I would also want to say goodbye
to everyone and tell them I love them. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     visiting the graves help.  I want to stay connected to 
people.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     talking about it and sharing the pain

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It brought some feelings I had hidden to the surface.  It was an
interesting experience. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Sep 14 08:26:32 1997
Email:  <jtblack-at-laribay.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: manager 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  20 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke;  Aged: 81.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the begining of a new life, if you know and trust Jesus as your Lord
and Savior. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was 5. It was sorta strange to be told she was with Jesus and still
have a body on earth. This gave oppurtunity to seperate body and soul, and
the diffrences. All in turn this increased my understanding that all
things have a season to live, prosper and die. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     It was my Grandmother. I was 5, and was told she went to be with
Jesus. But then I wanted to know "Why is she in that box?" 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     family

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     nothing. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     you have memories and children that live through you. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     family

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     The spirt leaves the body.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep 13 20:44:05 1997

Anonymous Guest Age 20 in Brooklyn, Ohio =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: old age;  Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of one life and the beginning of another.  People grieve for
themselves, not for the person who is dead. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was numb for a very long time.  I still recall the first time I saw a
dead body.  Everytime I go into a funeral parlor it gives me the creeps. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... a good friend of mine passed away while
preforming at a church.  He was a choir director and someone I loved very
much.  He taught me to sing and I learned to love it.  I gained the
confidence I needed, with his help, to sing in church on my own.  Louie
died when he was only forty, when I was in eigth grade.  He made such an
impact on my life in such a short period of time.  I will always love him. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     all the crying I did.  When I heard the news I burst into tears. 
There was no denial period that time.  I just knew Kerri was dead. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     funerals need to be more personal.  People should have a chance to
tell stories and share memories.  They should lean on each other in times
of need. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: 
     My friend's death taught me to be more open about my feelings and not
to let important things just slip away, like time. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being able to talk to others about how I was feeling.  It was more
important for me to talk to those who didn't know Kerri and know that I
wasn't bothering them.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     knowing that I would never see Kerri again or tell her how much she
means to me. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Sometimes words are hard to find.  Keep it simple, like I love you,
or say nothing at all.

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     came to realize that time is precious and people need to be reminded
of how much they mean to you before it is too late. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Kerri died so young.  It doesn't seem fair at all.  Also, the funeral
parlor is very confusing. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     my emotions were so worked up and my body/mind could not take all the
negativity. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     spend more time with Kerri and other people that I have lost. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     come home for the funeral.  I would not have been able to move on if
I had not had the chance to say goodbye. 
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the family and friends marched in with the coffin.  It was touching
to watch everyone's faces.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the motions of the funeral mass.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I go to class and see her ex-roommate.  I want to talk about her but
feel awkward doing it. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I think that we would be good friends, maybe carpooling and talking
baseball.  She would always be making me laugh. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     she had to leave my life so soon.  I was just getting to know her. 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     tuck this pain away forever. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     realize that it is a part of life but try not to dwell on it. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they could do nothing. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     having a more positive outlook on death. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     the common element is humanity; everyone is vulnerable and everyone
dies and is effected by deaht.

--Regarding MONEY:
     it was not very splashy, which is the way she would have liked it. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     so many people cared about her or came to support those that did care
about her. 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the sense that time was standing still. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     feeling rundown, knowing in your mind that the end is near. 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     denial is such a powerful stage, acceptance is necessary for healing,
and talking is also important. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I have never seen my friend but sometimes I feel her presence or
think about her at the strangest times.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?: 
     I still miss my friend and feel quilty about not making the most of
our time together. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I want to tell my fiend that I really cared about her and that she
meant so much to me and that I still love her.  It might help me feel less
guilty. 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I think it is important to honor people's wishes. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would like to have a different funeral and I would be more daring
and try things that I wouldn't normally.  I would also want to say goodbye
to everyone and tell them I love them. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: 
     visiting the graves help.  I want to stay connected to people. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 
     talking about it and sharing the pain

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It brought some feelings I had hidden to the surface.  It was an
interesting experience. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep 13 12:16:25 1997
F22 in radford, va =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: alcohol poisoning;  Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     leaving everything that you have come to know to go to a place that
you don't know where you are alone and away from those you love. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a relative that was two years older than me
died on his 21st birthday from alcohol poisoning

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how it was hard to accept death until you see the person lying in the
coffin looking unnatural and plastic

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     seeing him lying in the coffin knowing that i would never see him
again. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     spend more time with him and know him better

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     became very sad and confused and wanted answers.  Death is such an
abstract thing yu don't know what it is like so I think it makes it harder
to deal with. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 12 23:20:50 1997
F16 in edmonton, alberta =canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  im interested in psychology
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Prof/Studies: high school, studying psychology 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle,  6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 40-45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when our bodies shut down and we are no longer living.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was scared to touch the body, but it didint dawn on me that he was
dead because he looked alive, like he was sleeping in his coffin. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     an uncle died of cancer, i was never really close to him. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     it didint affect me. we all die sometime anyway. 

--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     stop feeling bad, theyre gone, crying and depression will make you
suffer even more. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: 
     be alone. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     people giving me sympathy.  

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     everyone was sad and i wasnt.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     get to know him better.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be at the funeral 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i think about the day i die.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     i want to live a happy life, not an average one, i want to stand out
and be known

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     start life over again 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     uncaring people who wanted only to make money, not cure the sick. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     nothing 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     i wanted to be alone 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the dead body in the same room as me.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     facing the fact that i will die one day.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     reacurring dreams of death.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i would be scared. 

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     some drugs make you feel like a ghost or angel. thats what dying
would be like for me.

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     i wish i got to know him better, he was a good man.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would introduce myself to my uncle.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     i dont want the government getting any of my stuff.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     if i knew i were to die, i would kill myself right away, i dont want
to have to suffer for the last few days here on earth. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     spent time alone, fearing my own death.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     good, death should be aknowledged beacause its a part of  life.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     what do you think happens to you after you die?- thats a good question.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 12 17:40:50 1997
Name: Sarah Mitchell   <Silver_vixen-at-mindless.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  I was searching for an interactive quizze or surveys to take.  I think they're fun.
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Prof/Studies: Student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,   6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: "old age";  Aged: 75 +/-.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When the human body stops funtioning and can not be repaired.  They
are lost forever. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was indifferent.  I wasn't sure how to react. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     My great grandmother dies of "old age"

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is: 
     The fact that niether my mother and I got to go to the funeralo and
say good bye.  My dad did. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: 
     It natural NOT wrong

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Knowing that I will never ever see them again or talk to them.  

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     didn't know what to do

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 12 12:00:13 1997
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was.. A Great Aunt who lived in another state but
used to write to me and send me book markers died of old age..

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     I was so young it was more of a curiosity.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
     I was seated in the back of the funeral parlor so I couldn't see the
coffin.  And then everyone sat in front of me.  I kept trying to peek over
their shoulders.  I wanted to know what it meant to be dead. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 10 22:34:07 1997
F55 in St. Louis, Missouri =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  Just like to do tests, polls, surveys, that sort of thing
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Prof/Studies: lesbian homemaker 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimers;  Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The spirit of consciousness leaves the bodily shell and is no longer
functional as a living, breathing human being on this planet.  We don't
really know if the person exists in some other state of being or not.  We
hope so. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     the death of my grandmother didn't really mean much to me, I couldn't
remember her.  So it would be her husband, my grandfather. I was about 5
l/2.  I had total faith in Heaven, I thought the blue sky up above my head
was where heaven was, and that t hat was where my grandfather had gone,
and that he lived with God and the angels and that he was very happy
there.  I sure wish life had stayed that simple and basic for me. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     My Grandmother (my father's mother) had died, and her coffin was in
the livingroom of her & Grandpa's home, all the relatives were there, and
the grandchildren.  I was about 2 l/2 or 3, we arrived after dark in the
evening.  It was an old fashioned w ake, back in the 1940's. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     It was very hard for a long time to have any happy memories of her. 
I dreamed about her at night constantly, seeing her in the state of
deterioration she had become.  It is still sad many times to think of her,
even now, 8 years later.  I feel so mu ch of her life was not as happy for
her as it should have been.  I wasn't the best of daughters.  I was glad I
became able to tell her I loved her before she died.  I wish I hadn't let
my father talk me into leaving her bedsite that afternoon and going to his
house - she died a couple of hours later, and I wished I had been there
with her. 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Way too much talk about hell and punishment.  People are frightened
of death and dying.  We need more talk about the near death experiences,
and about love, compassion, and forgiveness when we truly regret things we
have done that were wrong.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That my mother only deteriorated so badly a few months before she
died, and she only in the nursing home a couple of months.  She had lost
her mind completely, and she was often disoriented, hallucinating, and
frightened.  At least she didn't live fo r years like that - as some
people do.  And I don't think she was ever really aware she had
Alzheimers. In fact, I wasn't aware of what was wrong until a few months
before her death, I kept making excuses that it was this, it was that.  I
didn't realize u ntil her brother was diagnosed with it - then I knew.  So
at least I wasn't tortured for years.  As it was, it was hard enough. 
Once it really got hold of her, she deteriorated on a weekly basis, very,
very quickly.  At the end she coudln't even swallow or open and close her
eyes, or speak, and had no idea where she was.  But she always seemed to
know who I was, and my holding her hand seemed to comfort her. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     No one really, nothing really.  My lover was there, and she listened
to me going on & on and on.  But sometimes the pressure of dealing with my
father was almost too much for either of us. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Being helpless to prevent this from happening. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Tell her/him that you love them.  Touch them in some way physically -
hold their hand, stroke their forehead.  Talk to them in a calm, and
gentle way, letting them know they are not alone.

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I'm not at all sure I learned anything to tell other people.  I just
did the best I could and got thru it.  Try not to get overly emotional,
keep your wits about you, use common sense is the only real advice I have. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I don't remember feeling confused. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I never felt that way.  I didn't feel like laughing.  However, I did
shamelessly flirt with a minster from my aunt's church, the first evening
at the funeral home.  I don't know why I did it. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I probably should have given her the Catholic funeral I promised her
I would (years before she died).  But I hated the religion, she'd tried to
force it down my throat for years, and I disliked everything about it.  My
father and I were not Catholic .  My father's brother, my Uncle, was
helping us with funeral arrangements, and omitting the Catholic ceremony
made it easier for my protestant uncle, altho my uncle would have helped
us regardless.  I also felt the Catholics would want money for their se
rvices and neither my father nor I had very much money.  Mother had been
too ill to attend the CAtholic church in the area where she died, they had
just moved there - so it wasn't like the priest even knew her. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Get away from my father!  He has always been so dependent, grasping,
critical, insensitive, and domineering. I left right after the burial.  He
was surroundered by other relatives and friends and neighbors and his
brother, so he wasn't alone.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I have nothing to contribute here. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Again I have nothing to contribute

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     yes, sometimes I still cry.  When she died the family disintegrated. 
I feel I really have no family. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     If she hadn't died, it might not have been possible for me to move
further away to the farm in the country where I now live.  She'd still be
grasping at me, manipulating me, playing the martyr, and I'd still be
putting up with her, my father, and my worthless son - whom my parents
raised.  I have no family - but I also have my freedom from them!!! 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I've never understood the necessity of aging, pain, disease.  I
understand the necessity of dying, but not the things that seem to go with
it.  My mother's parents lived into their late nineties - I had totally
expected her to do likewise.  But I don 't waste time on the thought It's
just not fair, it has nothing to do with being fair or being unfair--death
simply happens--it is usually beyond our control. 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     At first I was in shock I think, numb.  I didn't cry at the funeral. 
I felt I had to stay strong and try to look after things.  On the long
drive back to my home, tears streamed down my face.  But as far as
acknowledging the death I knew and acknowl edged it as soon as the nursing
home called and told me.  I was in denial when she first went into the
nursing home, but that day she died, I knew she was dying--that it would
not be much longer. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     the doctors  didn't do shit!!!! 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     I guess the nursing homes were all right.  I lived too far away to
really know, but my father was there every single day.  He'd whine about
this, that & the other.  I'd attempt to do something about it, and then
he'd throw a fit and not want to do an ything!!!  he about drove me
crazy!!

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     absolutely nothing.  I do not believe in the traditional beliefs of
any organized religion, except perhaps the Unitarians, but I'm not a
member of any church. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     She bought these two savings bonds for me, and for my son.  I would
have rather she had spent the money on something for herself.  She'd never
do anything for herself, she lived in proverty stricken conditions and did
without.

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     nothing stands out 

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     again, nothing.  It was a typical funeral, etc.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     When the blood pressure gets down to 60/40 you know they aren't going
to be living much longer.  When death arrives on the doorstep, baby, you
know its there!!! 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     At first I cried every day, but by the end of six months I managed to
not cry every day.  I loved her, but I also knew she wasn't suffering any
more.  You just have to go on with life.  Time truly does heal. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     none that I could tell

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     no, I wish it had, it would give me something to hang onto. 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     I was able to forgive her any wrongs she had done me when I saw her
suffering.  There is nothing unresolved.  Other than wishing I had been a
better daughte,r and we had had better communication, but thatis not
possible, and I accept that. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     none

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     The quality of life is the most important issue.  If I cannot
function in a way that would bring me some pleasure out of life, then for
God's sake pull the damn plug!  And if I'm in pain give me the morphine. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I hope I go quickly from a heart attack.  I hope there is an
afterlife and that it is a good one.  I hope I don't have to be
reincarnated and return, I don't want to come back here again.  I hope my
wishes and dreams will be fulfilled on the other si de.  I don't fear
death like I once did, I accept the fact it will come.  I sometimes suffer
from depression and have suicidal thoughts, but don't believe I would do
it, unless my lover dies before me and I am left alone--then I probably
will take my own life.  I will do it with carbon monoxide from a running
car motor - and will arrange to have my pets with me so they will not die
of thrist or starvation since it might be a while before I was found. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     none. i'm not a ritual type person.  I'm a realist

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     none

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    People's Stories, etc. 
     The Near Death Experience stories, and seeing caterpillars be butterflies

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Religion/Clergy 
     Actually just the fact that there's no real proof of life after death. 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was a bit depressing I suppose, and it brought back into focus the
bitterness that exists in regards to my father, and some of the other
things with my dynfunctional family.  But over all I wasn't affected much
one way or the other. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep  9 22:31:02 1997
F46 in Oxnard, CA =Ventura=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Hairstylist 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Death and dyeing 
	    Authors: Elisabeth Kubler Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband,  yrs 1 ago.
Cause of Death: Lung Cancer;  Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     A new experience and with most new experiences we are afraid of the
unknown. Such as the first step in life or the first time we drove a car. 
Humans are afraid of the unknown.  Although once we have experience the
unknown we are less afraid.  Death is a new beginning into the unknown and
as with all unknown experiences death will bring one to another level. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     I was 7 years old.  I had loved my grandfather while he was here and
new I would continue to keep him within my heart throughout the rest of my
life here. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My grandfather was his by a car. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The pain and hurt of not wanting to have to go. 

--What I think my (Ventura) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     To talk more about death as it is a part of living and we all will
experience it someday.,

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Before my husband let go of his last breath he reached up and kissed
me goodbuy. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My belief that there is life beyond this beautiful earth,

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     In psysical pain. 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Let them know you Love them and that you can be strong without them. 

--[My Husband's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Made it through everyday. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     When he was so angry and mean. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be there for my husband. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I felt his spirit taken from his body. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     How he did'nt get to do the traveling he wanted to do and left his
love ones with the money he should of spent on himself. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     His family did not come and visit hardly at all.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     They were very good with both of us. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     I know hospice is very good.  Although we had a new nurse who thought
I was strong.  Upon calling her and telling he that my husband was dying
she said I was strong and she had a large case load so I would have to do
without her.  Later on she told m e her thoughts were he had a longer time
to live.  Unfortunately that was not the case and I did need her. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Alot.  The Church family took care of the food and gathering after
the funeral.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Correct. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     We had money but he controlled I far to long into his sickness.  Thus
the bills were crazy. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I turned out great.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I seemed like a dream.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     The last stages.  The rash around the knees and ankles.  The blueand
gray nails.  The slipping in and out of here and the unknown. 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     Not like that. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am preparing for my own death by getting things in order so my
loved ones will have less to deal with. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 
      
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep  9 19:58:09 1997
F21 in , Nova Scotia =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Student: Secondary Education 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Haven't read any 
	    Authors: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;  Aged: 68.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of physical life.  Some people believe that life continues
spiritually after death; that the soul leaves the physical body and goes
elsewhere. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was 9 years old, and I was overcome with grief.  I wasn't sure why my
grandfather had been taken away from me. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... It was my grandfather, with whom I was
extremely close.  He died suddenly of a heart attack while gardening. 
Although he had a history of health problems (Diabetes, heart problems),
his death still came as a shock. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     all of the family sitting around the dining room table after the
funeral, just talking and sharing stories and special memories of my
grandfather.  His death almost seemed to bring the family closer together. 
One of my uncles promised my grandmother that he would visit her more
regularly. 

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     How to better help those who are grieving. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Two things.  First, I was closer to my grandfather than to my
grandmother.  After my grandfather died, I got a chance to better know my
grandmother and to develop a very close relationship with her.  Second,
and this will sound very weird, but I'm glad that my grandfather died
while I was still young and idealistic.  I'm afraid that if my grandfather
were still alive (I'm now 21) he wouldn't seem as perfect to me as he did
when I was a child.  I used to completely worship the ground he walked on,
but now that I am older, I reflect on aspects of his life and realize that
he was not perfect, but a human being who was just as flawed as anyone
else.  And yet, because he is dead, and not here to defend himself, I find
I am able to focus on the wonderful aspects of his character, and use them
as positive role models.  So, I guess since he died while I was still
young, I was able to idealize my memory of him; to hang onto my ideal
impression of him.  I was proud of him as a child, and still am. I did not
know him long enough to have my perception of him tarnished. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My personal memories, and sharing them with others. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Since we had been so close, I was afraid that he could always see me. 
I believed in an afterlife, but was confused about it, and was afraid of
seeing his ghost or something. 

--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Reinforced my positive memories of him by sharing them with others. 
By often talking about him, I felt better about his death by realizing
that he had lived a good life, and had been a good person.  Also, my
grandfather died in his flower garden.  I can't think of a more peaceful
place to die.  I just hope it was quick and painless.  Anyway, I often
look at that garden, even today, and it gives me peace of mind to know
that he died in a special place. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was afraid of being visited by his ghost.  By the way (please don't
think I'm a freak!!) I was paranoid about that for probably two years
after that (until I was 11, I guess).  It was just a silly phobia, like
being afraid of the dark.  I think the reason it lasted so long was
because, after I discussed my fear with my father on the night of my
grandfather's death, he told me that some of his relatives had claimed to
have seen ghosts of their loved ones.  That reinforced my fear, and I
never mentioned it again, because I also felt silly about it.  By not
talking about it, it became and exaggerated phobia. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     It was simply a way to release some intense emotional overload.  It
happens a lot when I'm really mad, or in a difficult situation.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     no regrets, although, at the time, my mother blamed herself, because
we had not visited my grandparents in some time.  That, I am and have
always been convinced, had no affect on his death.  ......Now that I think
of it, I do wish I had had a chance to say goodbye. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Have the time with him that I did have in the years before his death. 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     People sent sympathy cards, or offered condolences and support. 
Knowing people cared and shared in our grief meant a lot.  IT showed that
he had been well-liked and would not soon be forgotten.  It also showed us
that, even though he was gone, we were not alone.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     I can't think of any

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     If my grandfather were alive today, I doubt we would have the same,
idyllic relationship.  Now that I am an adult, I am no longer the
idealistic child I once was.  I see that human beings are not perfect, and
that my grandfather had his own personal flaws, as we all do.  In
addition, many of his views differ significantly from mine as an adult. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     When people die "before their time".  Children, young adults in their
prime, people who have been killed by drunk drivers... 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Not relevant for me.  I accepted it right away, and began grieving 
immediately.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Gratitude for the ability to donate organs.  We donated my
grandfather's corneas.  So, from my grandfather's death, another person
was able to improve his lifestyle.  That is just fabulous, and helped me
grieve.  I felt good; a negative situation had been transformed into a
positive situation.  I'm sorry I didn't mention this earlier, in more
pertinent sections of this survey, but I just thought of it now. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I believd my grandfather had gone to heaven, and could reunite with
special people who had also died (his parents, etc.)

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     That whole ghost thing (see above).

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Do you mean "right to die", that kind of thing?  I think people
should be sensitive to the wishes of the dying.  If someone is terminally
ill and they want to end their life, their wishes should be acknowledged. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am not at all afraid of death.  I know that life is short and
unpredictable.  I could die any day, and I'm only 21.  I'm a very
practical person, so I've made sure I have life insurance and I have
written up how I want my memorial service to be, so that my family won't
have those additional burdens.  Some people think it's morbid and weird,
but I just think it's practical. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     As I have already mentioned, just talking for me helped a lot.  That
is how I usually deal with intense emotions, I either talk them out or
write about them. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     Talking a lot with those who were also close to the person;
remembering that person with other people; support of others who have
experienced the death of a loved one. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 
     superstition.  I was 9 when my grandfather died, and I was afraid of
seeing his ghost.  My father told me that some people believed strongly in
the existence of ghosts, and that many people have claimed to have seen
them.  That only made me more para noid that my grandfather could always
see me.

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     A very thought-provoking and thorough survey.  I couldn't answer all
the questions because I was only a child at the time. 

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Just the last question was unclear.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep  9 09:23:02 1997
M21 in London,  =England =
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when our bodies cease to function completely		

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was with my grandad in a hospice			

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     everyone crying.

--What I think my (England ) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     accept it, without looking for religous reasons.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     death ended all the pain for my grandad

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     family 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     trying to be strong.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
      

--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     It helped a lot that I was able to say goodbye just before he 
died.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there at the end and hold his hand for a while. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about one of the notes left with the flowers on his grave.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     that they helped a great deal and it was the right place to 
be able to say goodbye. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     It helped a lot of my family but personally I believe that 
the church gives false answers to many questions. 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     A sad occasion but one of celebrating  his life more than
a depressing occasion.		

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Lack of Awareness 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It turned over a few of my memories of that time, which was a
little bit upsetting.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Sep  8 17:07:07 1997
Email: <Sabr2th-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo/psychology/test and experiments
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Security Officer/Master's Degree Student in Psychology 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  1Yr. ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer;  Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     an ending and a beginning, for it is the transition to another
existence in which we find ourselves dealing with a different set of
circumstances.  Our "afterlife" is one of hope and joy, if that is what we
have earned in this life. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     When my grandfather Walton died I was wondering why he was not
sitting next to my grandmother. I saw him in a fancy box and asked mother
if when this party was over if I could unwrap him and let him out of the
box for granma. I got slapped for that o ne. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My Grandfather's both died when I was four and
five

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     The numb feeling I had while at the family gatherings that weekend.
It was Easter Weekend and the only Easter I had spent w/any of my family
in five years. I kept looking around for dad knowing that he wouldn't come
out of the bedroom. I had the hard est time getting any information out of
anyone because they all expected me to know it.  I had to eavesdrop on
everyone to get even the smallest drops of information.  This is a
tendency in my family that you should know everything about a situation
witho ut being told. Most seem to, I seem to be left out of that circle. I
was thoroughly frustrated with the adults and turned to playing w/the kids
to keep my frustrations down. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it is not just an end, but a beginning and should be viewed as
such. There should be less mystery about it and more openness w/the
children. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     My father's passing was swift and painless. Right after his first
Chemotherapy Treatment. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Were My Professors and my coworkers at my field experience site, I
was in my final semester of a bachelor's Degree and these people told me
to go home for a while and Not worry about the work. They would help me
catch up.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not being able to talk to my father the night before he died.  He
called my apartment and when I returned. No one told me. 

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     At the graveside, I gave up my front row seat to his brothers and
sisters, all over 70, I was told by the Funeral Director that I needed to
move so that the FAMILY could get by. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: 
     talk to him that night when he called

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Comfort my stepmother 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     My father, brother and all love coconut cream pie and would rather
have it than a B-day cake. They served it at the funeral dinner.  It took
me 8 months to be able to eat one again w/o crying.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Finally began to cry. For the first time in 15 years I cried.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     My father died last year after about a week's time I forced myself to
get back into the swing of life. If I had not I would not have gotten my
B.A. nor would I be here where I am able to help other people. 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Friends' Insensitivities 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Sep  8 00:06:56 1997
M41 in san bernardino, ca =sanbernardino=
Name: mike spencer
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: auto technition 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: when someone you love dies 
	    Authors: watchtower bible and tract society
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1 month ago ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;  Aged: 60.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of life due tom inherited sin from adam as found in the bible
in gensis.  Death is an enemy of man, we were not intended to die but
rather were made in Gods image to make the earth a paradise and to live
eternally on it. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was a teenage and my grandmother died.  We went to her funeral where
i was a pallbearer and remember how heavy the casket was. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was.grand parent died. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     that this individual now has a resurection hope promised in the bible
that Christ promised at John 5:28,29. 

--What I think my (sanbernardino) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that there is a hope for the future not based on lies given by people
who have not investigated for themselves a reason for a future on the
earth under rightous conditions brought about by the death of our lord
Jesus Christ

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that I treat people well in life that after they die I have no
regrets of how I dealt with that person

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Bible inspired hope of the future for the dead

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that although they are not with me at the moment they will in the
near future be brought back to life in the resurection

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     do not ignore the persons illness and tell them that it will get
better for the person realizes thier condition but they want your company

--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     am able to deal with the death of my friend and how my biblical hope
gives comfort

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     as a child when death was an abstract and not the enemy that it
really is

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was a release of tension to an unpleasant situation

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     to speak to them about the hope the bible holds out for all

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be a friend when the time arouse

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     just before the individual died they seemed to gain energy so as to
be able to say one final goodby

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     material posessions

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     a situation that happens when the individual would have been involved

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he was not able to see his work accomplished

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     now understand that from the bible we were not intended to die and
that give great comfort when a friend or loved one dies

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     frustration at times 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     they do not follow the bibles hope and they are the cause of much
sadness due people from the false stories they give on the condition of
the dead

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     death is the absense of life there is no alternate plane of
exsistance when we die it is as the bible describes at eccl. 9:5,10

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     that people in general were very distressed and upset because of a
loss of a loved one

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     my view of the way death is viewed by most people

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     a seeming burst of energy after a period of almost non-exsistance

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     knowning what the bible holds out and applying it in word and action
would help a great deal

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i do not believe this to be a part of the individual but rather as 1
cor. 4:4 that this is a deception brought on by the devil to mislead
people away from God

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     with the people that i know who have recently died there were no
issues left to resolve

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     a will should always be done and that this should be done not on the
death bed but long (hopefully) before it is needed

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     if in the event of my own death I would be concerned about my family
and how they would react and how they would be supported by ones that are
close to us and how they would help during this time

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     none

 - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     knowing what the future holds for dead loved ones

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Religion/Clergy 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     intresting

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep  6 15:54:24 1997
Anonymous Guest

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... icame back from the library, about 2;00
in the afternoon, my mother said to me she was having chest pains
and was going to take a nap.  she got up 20 minutes later and said
she was still having pains. before i could suggest she should go
to the emergency room, she had a heart attack in front of me i did
cpr for 15 minutes until the ems got there, it was no use.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     i just hope my mother went to heaven, she was a saint

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Upbringing 
     i did not recoginize the sypmtoms of a heart attack, i failed her 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep  4 04:10:18 1997
Anonymous F Guest in Brazil
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  through the site " Casa do Psicólogo" - Brasil
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: psychologist 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Morte e desenvolvimento humano 
	    Authors: Kovacs, MJ
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1  yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure;  Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of our lives in the earth. I particularly believe that our minds continue living
somewhere. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was very sad and thougtness

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... expected because my grandfather was already sick. He died of a lung
problem. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the suffering of my grandmother, that stayed alone. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that itīs not the end of the world, itīs not something so horrible that we canīt face it. It
seems to be prohibited to think about that. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I donīt know how to answer this question

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep  3 18:34:26 1997
Anonymous Guest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 13 years ago.
Cause of Death: liver cancer;  Aged: 41.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the greatest ego blow to humanity. It's the biggest cutdown, the largest reminder of
loneliness and imperfection. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was whisked away by my neighbor (and babysitter)to throw up at her house. Then she took me
for a walk and explained what happened... I praise her for her base in my coping abilities. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     At age 4 I watched my great-grandmother (and at the time, best friend) literally drop dead of
a heart attack. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     the 1984 summer olympics.  My mom died while several US track stars were receiving gold
medals. 

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to loosen up. There are no stringent rules to coping with death.  Save the judgemental stares
for the time one is not in mourning.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I know I will wake everyday, that the world moves on.  Pain will always go away if given
attention and time. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my cat. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     feeling alone, with no direction, without meaning.  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     keep tissues at hand and watch and listen carefully and sincerely, not closely. 

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     cried myself to sleep every night for 6 months.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I wasn't.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     sobbed continually.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Passage of Time 

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Wed Sep  3 16:06:43 1997
F21 in newmarket (toronto), ontario =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  just browsing
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Prof/Studies: taking some time off to grieve 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: alcoholism;  Aged: 48.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when the personality and spirit of a human being leaves the body and goes somewhere else

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     immediately planned how to carry out their last wishes and forgot about myself

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my father bled to death in a hotel room he was staying in from a
collapsed esophogus because of too much drinking and smoking

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     being in a state of non-belief that he was actually dead and i had to identify him in the
hospital, i was actually very surprised at how well i handled things, but looking back on it now i
was in a total state of shock

--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     talking more about it rather than pretending that it doesn't happen and learn how to really
grieve without feeling ashamed or embarrassed to just let it all out

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that it ended the pain that my father was in and although this is very hard to say...i'm
learning how to create my own life without having to parent him, and losing him at such a young
age has got me dealing with all of life's questions now instead o f going through a midlife crisis
(knock on wood) 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my counsellor who is absolutely wonderful

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not wanting to live myself without the few answers we just don't get throughout this journey

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     find out what they want for them after they die and do it no matter what...my father wanted
to be cremated with his jeans and cowboy boots on and so i fulfilled that wish...after the funeral
members of my family were appauled that he wasn't in a suit
 and buried...it's been tough but i have no regrets becouse that's what HE wanted. 

--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     faced the biggest fear of actually having to identifying him and carrying out his wishes and
then leaving for france six months later to still carry out a dream of my own

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     actually a long time after the actually death, because i was so preoccupied with my time in
France, it wasn't until a year later that the grieving started to kick in. so not only am i
grieving for his death, i'm gieving for the time that i didn't tak e to grieve for him

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     that's probably what he wanted. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     there was nothing i could have done...i tried everything the only thing i wish is that he
knew i was accepted to go to university in France. i found out 3 hours after i had recieved my
acceptance, that he died

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     give him a respectful loving funeral and say the ulogy

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     my mother who had divorced him years before was there for me telling me about all the good
things he had to offer, all the good times they had together (even though their marriage ended so
bad and with a lot of hateful feelings)

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     that he be dressed in a suit and tie (i saw my father in a suit and tie maybe four times in
my life, it just wasn't his style and i wasn't going to try and change him and pretend that he was
a business type kinda guy) 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     a song comes on the radio that he loved-that gets me all the time...but i just cry and let it
out...slowly i'm able to smile when i hear certain songs

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i guess i would still have that sense of wholeness...now after losing someone i just don't
feel whole.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     God could have given us just a few more answers

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     be me but without all the sadness and such a needyness to know certain answers

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     basically freaked out. i'm just starting to come out of a very long depression and struggling
with all my heart and soul to get on with my own life

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they could have cleaned him up a bit before having me identify him. it wasn't the prettiest
picture

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     not in the case of my father but my little cousin of four died of brain cancer and the
pallative care unit was wonderful, I think we need more closeness in our hospitals when it comes
to caring for the dying and their families

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     absolutely nothing, yet it did trigger a spiritual need that i am exploring now. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     i'm not too clear on the question but i feel the world is in some serious need of spiritual
healing on a global level instead of the separate belief systems that we all spend time
disagreeing on. 

--Regarding MONEY:
     because i was closer to him in location, his side of the family let me organize everything
and that meant getting his CPP to pay for it plus the additional cost of flowers, bla, bla ,bla,
and then they were mad at me because they weren't involved wit h the funeral arrangements..(that
was just my personal complaint...i tell ya my family is pretty weird, haha)

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     my father was a truck driver and was laid off from his job after 25 years. My mom was able to
come up with a couple numbers of his ex-co workers and all of these truck drivers showed up for
the funeral. i had heard about these guys and their rough a nd tough truck driving stories, but
during my ulogy i made every single one of them cry..they were like kittens.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     actually coming to terms that he would no longer be here i kept questioning where is he where
did he go

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     weight changes, colour change in the skin, lack of energy

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     talk talk talk, talk about everything that comes to mind, talk about everything that helps
get through it

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i believe this to be true but have no personal story to share

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     there weren't many unresolved issues between myself and him, but there were many things that
he didn't resolve with his own life and relationships, now i'm trying it a different way than he
did. instead of remaining angry, i talk to him. i literally talk to a picture of him and tell him
everything i need to say at that time. 

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would just tell him once more that he is a very special person that i love very much and
that he could get better and find his answers. i did all of this while he was here but in my dream
life he would accept and get better and then parent me the r ight way on how to accept things

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     see above...also make susre that someone close knows what you want...and make sure you carry
out the wishes of the person who dies (wishes that are possible, i don't mean every wish like hurt
someone) 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     because i can honestly say that i've had suicidal thoughts i have certainly questioned my own
mortality. i've gotten through a lot and i have no fear of death...it's not actually dying, it's
living without those answers that i fear more. and through couselling and a very supportive
mother, and dealing with every possible question there is, i will probably be the happiest person
on the planet soon. people need to talk more about everything. 

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i painted and learned another language just to get my mind off of things...although it slowed
the actual grieving process, i learned lots and painted lots

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     the death of my father defineltly sparked a spiritual side of me that i continue to explore,
although sometimes i feel like i'll never get through this completely, i really try to be patient
with myself and allow myself to explor different perception s

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     seeing a counselor

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Upbringing 
     its not so much death as it is to the questions about "why we are here" 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     there really isn't a question that i haven't pondered in the last 6 months so this is another
point for me and my grieving process. i need to talk about all of this so i'm glad if i was any
help

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     definetly re-word the question that involves the western culture and spirituality...i think i
know where you were coming from but there's so much in that one question

	[Ed Note:  Thanks for the pointer!  Revised now.  ]


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Tue Sep  2 23:35:33 1997
F21 in Fridley, minnesota =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 7 mo ago.
Cause of Death: illness;  Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when a human ceases to exist

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was not sorry.  I knew it was his time, he has said his goodbyes, he is in a better place,
and he is no longer suffering

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... I saw my neighbors cat get hit by a car

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is: 
     family seemed to care more about the will than the deceased

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is natural and happens to everyone, it is not taboo

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     family members that have died are no longer in pain

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     understanding why it happened 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     When they are suppose to be somewhere (family gathering, etc...) and they are no longer there  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Do not dwell on the fact the person is dying, let them enjoy life for as long as they are able 

--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     cared

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     no one saw it coming

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I cannot say that has happened 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     help 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     get him found so that we could bury his rotting corpse 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     people went to his funeral during a big snowstorm 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     that it happened

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think of when I will have to handle my mother's death, the death of my childrens' father,
or possibly my children. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would try to make him more prepared for his own death so that things could be as he would
want then afterwards

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     when I see someone die unneccessarily because if someone else's irresponsibility, especially
children

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Answer this question again 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was more capable of handling it

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     the lousiest in the nation 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a place where the dead coud find peace 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     like that person's presence when that person wants to be felt 

--Regarding MONEY:
     his sister could show us what a greedy little bitch she really is 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     that they showed up in the first place

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     my ability to accept it

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Continually going to the doctor

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     is uncomfortable 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     He was "in purgatory" until he was buried.  His presence was often seen by flickering lights
in the house

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     Financial matters, which I cannot do anything about

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would find out how the person wanted to be laid to rest and what he would want done with
his things, how he would want us be feel

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I think that it may give the person the right to jump the gun a little if their situation is
critical, but not neccessarily fatal

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I wonder who would care

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Understanding

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Since having children, I value my life more for their sake

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Family's Insensitivities 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Thought they were good questions, dod not reflect anything I hadn't before

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Tue Sep  2 22:46:20 1997
M20 in Palmdale, CA =USA=
Name: Chris Hennessy 
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Student 
More personal info: 
     I'm a sagitarius 
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--Death Is: 
     the end of living. when time as we know it ceases and we enter a state of non-existance. I
call it non-existance for I do not know what comes after. For some it may be heaven, for others
hell or rebirth, but for me it is just the end of life. Life wi ll end and so shall I

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was too young to understand what it meant to me.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My grandfather passed on when I was extremely young. I dealt very
easily with it at that age but as time moves on I am more and more frightened of my own end in
this world. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     was the sorrow in my mothers eyes, the way the tears rolled off her cheeks only to fall to
nowhere... 

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     nothing, there are so many cultures within cultures, so many beliefs, so many other views. No
one person has an answer, and no one knows what happens.  I don't believe in a God almighty or
even gods aplenty, but I do believe in dying as an eternal en d flowing into nothingness

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that somehow I came unto this earth, so wonderful and beatiful, filled with so many
experiences. I fear dying because I love life far too much to ever be ready to give it up. 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my mother patting me on my back as tears flowed from my eyes. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     too many   

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing at all, just an equivilant of ceremonial burials and words from a book, the church
has never assisted me, nor has the so called God.

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I understand the spirituality of dying, the returning to where one has come from. To the
mother of us all, Earth. But death is still death and I know I will return there and that gives me
no feeling of well being.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I hope it's of old age, like 1000 years old. I can't even begin to
comprehend the feelings I will have when I am dying, overwhelming fear I
suppose but I cannot imagine inviting death to take me away from it all.
Even in the worst of conditions I ju st want to live I would hope.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 
     the more I think of death and realize it as MY ultimate end the more it bothers me to think
about.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     Your religious feelings, or views of what death means, whether it be an absolute end, or the
beginning of a much longer journey into unfathomable new realms????? 

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Tue Sep  2 17:57:31 1997
F17 in Goreville, Illinois =usa=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Prof/Studies: Student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: Breast Cancer;  Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     An experience of seperation of your physical and spiritual  being. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     cried and felt lonely

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... My Great-Grandfather died from natural causes.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     I was scared I Knew she was in pain,

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Not to mourn because their better off and happier 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The memories and the love 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My family and friends 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Knowing that she would never be there  again  

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Support and alot of love 

--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I supported my family and coped with it well and I supported my mother though out her
sickness

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     When I relized she would never be there anymore though out my life.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     Laughter is the best medicine . Deal with death the best way ..... 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Spend more time with those i lost 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Know them Love them and recieve love from them 

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     During a funneral this person is laying infront of you dead as a door nail, with no blood no
oxygen and people are still jumping ontop of them crying.

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     What their going to wear to the funneral

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I find something that belonged to them or that they gave to me

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would probably be grounded or be yelled at or folding laundry

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     That they had to leave 

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Die  or just crawl under a rock or dissappear for the rest of my natural born life 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I went though withdrawl of family.For about a week.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they did all they could do  

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     It was very educational I learned what was happening to her and what new methods were out
that might help

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Support 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     A continuation of lifes process 

--Regarding MONEY:
     It all went to pay bills and dissapeared  

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     How  other peaple are dressed

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     not relizing that thier gone

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Serious illnesses continuous hospitalzations 

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     It was a part of life it hurt like hell but thats life 

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     They got reincarnated 

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
     Unresolved, there is no way to resolve them they are dead and gone

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     At home,Talking about our lives 

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     All my poems to be published all my clothes to the homeless, alll my stuffed animals and toys
to foster homes the rest to friends and family,

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'm excited not knowing whats out there

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I  hung out with my friends and not my family

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     no

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Memories 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was interesting to know my own thoughts that i didn't even know 

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Tue Sep  2 08:13:07 1997
M43 in Los Angeles, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  wandered in at  random from web listings.
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Prof/Studies:  
More personal info: 
     I don't mind the long questionaire, but I wish it could be updated by
us because I need to go now and can't finish all the questions. 
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Recommended Reading: 
	     Titles: Can't remember.  
	    Authors: 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover,  2 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide/alcohol/AIDS/depression/hopelessness/death of
   		other friends;  Aged: 35. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     To the survivors: it's a painful experience like no other pain.  To
the dead:  Unknown. The greatest mystery. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was a little scared. I felt something very wrong and gloomy. But I
didn't know the deceased too well.

--That first time, how it happened was
     A work colleague of my father. Killed in a car accident. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     Wondering why I didn't cry, and couldn't cry in public.  It was
business as usual when dealing with the police at the death scene. Other
family members and neighbors were somber and shocked. I felt numbed, but I
knew the hurt was coming...but it did n't mattered...nothing mattered.  I
didn't know what to do but it didn't mattered. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: 
     There is no greatfulness for this lost... 

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Talking with his mother and I had a friend who I could talk to. 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Loneliness, separation, guilt, and if only I could have...  For as
much as I loved him, I feel so tremendously guilty for not having done
enough for him... 

--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I was not present. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     ...perhaps it was out of tremendous urge to make something so very
wronged seem less so...for lack of any other way possible to lessen the
strain...but realizing that after blurting out the laughter at
nothingness, it was a futile attempt... 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     I cannot be thankful... 

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     everything came apart...my job, my life, and nothing else mattered.
This happened after about 5 months after he died. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  -none- 
     Nothing. Was not emotionally connected to the deceased. 

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Mon Sep  1 19:37:39 1997
M17 in Westminster, MD =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;  Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was terribly saddened, however, I didn't seem to feel the need to
cry, the events following the death just happened... nothing stopped. 

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my family was vacationing with my Aunt and
Uncle for the fourth of JUly.  when we got word that my cousin had
committed suicide. 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     feeling out of place, because i was the only one not crying.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     detatchment 

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that I couldn't cry, or rather the fact that I didn't cry and felt
that I should have. 

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     I think I just put it behind me... I don't even recall crying.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Silence & Taboos 

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Mon Sep  1 15:32:25 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Nephew,  yrs 2 ago.
Cause of Death: ITP;  Aged: 4 years.
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--Death Is: 
     The final farewell of someone.  They cease exist in this life.  Perhaps they
continue on in spirit but there is no real evidence of that unless you are a
believer in spirits. 

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
     was very sad.  It was so final.

--That first time, how it happened was
     1.  Grandmother  2.  Father 

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
     how trajic it is to lose a child.  Life would never be the same.

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Take nothing for granted.  We need to cherish our time and energy with our
loved ones, our work, and ourselves. 

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It has made me search into a higher level of thinking.  I am currently
looking into a more spiritual way of living.  I am now feeling a presence of God. 
This is a great gift for which I am thankful. 

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     This laughter is a release.  It is most necessary to help in the grief.  I
don't know if I would have laughter in me if it were one of my children. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Give the final kiss goodbye while they were alive.  I would have liked to
have been holding them. 

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be there for the support of others. I am grateful for the deep conversations
held that have changed my life for the better.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     Friends to guide you down the hall to where there is a family meeting. 
During this time you are unable to think at times.  Friends or family to take
over the very small details as you are not concerned with them. 

--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     It all matters. 

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Movies, pictures, books, another's loss, sick and dying people that you
know, shared stories with friends, the date of the death, music. 

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I'd be paying more attention to the time we would have together.  There
would be a lot more honesty. 

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that small children become ill or die.  People who seem to contribute to the
lives of others are wiped out and people who contribute so little live for so
long. 

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     The medical people are so very supportive.  They have a true compassion for
what the family goes through.  These are very special people. 

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Very supportive and helpful people. 

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Support for the service, and helping maintain a food supply. 

--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     All people become connected.  You share an internal grieving in the same
way.  It has nothing to do with a belief.  There are truths that we just feel and
share without having to think the same as another.

--Regarding MONEY:
     It was no issue 

--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     How supportive people are and how death brings out the good in so many.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     How people can laugh during a tragic time.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Always have a close person know exactly what your wishes are so that they
can be fulfilled.  Donors, being hooked up to medical equipment, can we be left
to die at home, medications, have a doctor know your wishes, have someone know
what type of buri al or cremation you are to have. 

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would be scared to death.  I do not want to leave my life.  I love it too
much.  The people I want to stay with are right here. 

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Much more prayer.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occured in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Helping Other People cope 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with things?  Fear of Death 
      
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I enjoyed sharing my thoughts.  This time has made me go deeper into myself
and relook at certain issues.  People should share as it helps in the healing
process. 

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