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Sat Mar  1 13:06:15 2008
F47 in VICTORVILLE, CA = ?? =
Name: Sharon Tyler
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
  Term paper project of my psych class

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    Prof/Studies: unemployed
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: complications of diabetes;   Aged: 57.

     As a result of the diabetes, my mom had to go on dialysis because
of failed kidneys and other medical issues.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     Final.  When we die that is it.  There is no more time left on
earth to do anything, and death can come in many different forms.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to know what was really going on.  It was not until
my mom died that I really understood the meaning of death.

--That first time, how it happened was
     I can remember when I was very young, my friends Yolonda and
	Jana was playing near where we live and all of a sudden we heard
	gunshots, but at the time we thought they were loud firecrackers.
	At the end of the gunshots, Jana's brother had been shot and killed,
	and that we my first experience with death.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the pain my siblings and I were in and most of all the disbelief
of our mother no longer being around.  This is when I realized how
final death is, and that there is no more tomorrow with that person.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Most of us in this culture need to learn that death is going to
happen to us all, but it's the timing about death that throws us
off because now you have many parents burying their children when
it used to be the other way around.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my friend Lori because even though I had just met her through our
mutual employer, she collected lots of money that helped to bury
my mother because there was not enough money in insurance for
burial. All of the kindness was so appreciated

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my family more importantly my siblings.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the fact that it is so final and you don't get to do it over or do
it agian.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to keep them in prayer all the time.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     took so much for granted like her smell, cooking, wisdom and love,
and when it was over then I realized that every one was not in the
world for me like she was.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     her death just came out of the blue because the day before we were
all together at a cook out at my brother's house and the next day
she was dead.  It's like she knew that was her last night with us
because she made certain demands throughout the day and would not
rest until they were accomplished, so my siblings and I believe
that my moms was planning her death for a couple of weeks.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it felt good when we laughed about many good times we had with mommy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     just spend more time with my mom because our relationship was good
not perfect, but very good.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     show mommy how much she meant to me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     people came to show their respect and took time out to say such
nice things about my mother because when she was here she did not
have many friends that we knew.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     tears displayed at the funeral services.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     the holidays come around with my siblings and myself because we are
missing a very important part of the family. We all have come to
terms that my mother's death is something that we will never get
over, but we learn to live with the absence of her in our own ways.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     Well it would take a whole lot of "what ifs" because my mother was
very sick and suffering here on earth, so I would not want her to
stay if the illnesses still exsist.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that someone so kind and gentle could be gone and not the drunk
driver that survives after killing an innocent victim.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     can't believe what my sister just telephoned me and said,"Doc I
can't wake mom up."  My nickname is Dockie and my siblings call me
Doc or Dockie.  After going back and forth with my sister about
trying harder to wake my mother up, she finally said the words I
will never forget, " I can't she's died."  Then it hit me, and I
jumped to my feet and do not remember getting dressed or grabbing
my daughter I just remembering arriving at my sister's house where
my mom lived, and upon my arrival I found it to be true.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     compassion and knowledge.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     everything because my mother brought us up in church and taught us
about love, faith, and respect.
--Religious Affiliation:
     I still attend church and very much apart of my life.
--Regarding MONEY:
     I thank God my family and I did not have to worry about any money
other than what was needed to give my mommy a decent burial.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how nice people were at the funeral and all the nice things that
we all said about mommy.  It was the only funeral my siblings
and I attended and contructed for it to be more of a going home
celebration than a sad occasion of someone dying.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     my other siblings began to look at me for the things they got
from mommy.

     the persistence and strong will to want to do something, and the
repeated saying of "I'm tired."

     my grieving process still exists because I still miss my mother
very much and it just does not stop, although it is not an unhappy
feeling I get all the time because our relationship was good.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I thank God I had a good relationship with my mother and to be
honest we were relieve to see mommy go home rather than suffering
all the time.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     maybe take drafting a will or making my wishes known.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:

--What might you like your obit to say of you:
     Not sure.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I still have conversations with my mother as though she was still
here and think about what advice she might have for me and I also
watch some of her favorite programs on television.  My siblings
and myself also talk about mommy a lot.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
    getting together for holidays, church and prayer, family first.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     yes this did happen for me because I met Lori and she was a big
help and continue to be until now.

       - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Disbelief it could happen 
     My friends and I were so young, we really did not understand what
it all meant.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Other: 
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     this was a very interesting survey and it was laid out very well.

See  Feb 08   contributions.
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See  Current  contributions.
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