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See Current contributions.
See May 07 contributions.
See Apr 07 contributions.
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Fri Jun 15 07:57:12 2007
F30 in Casselberry, fl =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
google
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life on earth, and the beginning of life in another
existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 3 y/o and I attended my cousin's funeral. He died in a car
accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and crying. It was the first time I cried so openly in front
of my family.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that the grieving process is lifelong.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the person who died was finally at peace.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time by myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having her around anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen listen listen, and don't say anything like, "Oh, they are
in a better place" or "you should be over it by now."
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
memorialized the person in my own way.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
others took advantage of the situation by helping themselves to
her personal belongings.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
everyone deals with death in their own way, and our loved ones want
us to laugh and still enjoy life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her I was honored to have been named after her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
grieve openly.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
everyone forgot all their animosities and came together as a family
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the viewing.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have a dream about her, or I fill out things like this!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think I would appreciate life as much as I do now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to suffer so much.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hide under the covers.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
called hospice to let them know.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
supportive, helpful, provides ease for those in pain.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very good. They were very helpful and the social worker was a
positive support for my grandmother.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place to feel safe, alone with my thoughts, and comforting.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting, peaceful, relaxing
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't important.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
so many people came to show their respects.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I feel my aunt knew she was going to die, and she waited for my
grandmother to leave the room.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
time together, special moments.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was glad not to see her take her last breath. I could not have
handled that.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I believe this happened. My cousin was singing to her the moment
she died, and I feel this helped her cross over.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel good about it, because I didn't have any unresolved issues
with her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That I love her and miss her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When I was contemplating a break-up, I heard my aunt's words loud
and clear, and in another language that is not my primary language.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I need to write my will, and outline what I would like to have done
when I die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I try not to think about it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want it to say that I was a kind, loving person who made
a difference in others' lives.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
With another aunt's death, I was unable to attend the funeral. But,
I copied a beautiful picture of her on her 80th birthday and framed
it for other family members who were closest to her.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am now a grief counselor for children because I think it is
extremely important for children to be allowed to grieve.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I actually have let go of friends since the death, as well as a
significant relationship.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
As I stated before, I am now a grief counselor for children.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it has helped me recall some important aspects and memories.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
n/a
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Fri Jun 15 17:27:40 2007
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 yr 10 Months ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
really sucks when you love them
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
pre-teen
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
too young too remember
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
dont die
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
suffering is over i hope
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
let me pass out and get some rest
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
there gone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
no answer
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
this isnt helping me much.....are they a point too these silly ?'s
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i understand why he died nothing confusing about it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i accept the fact he is gone just having a hard time dealing with it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
i dont talk much about it so its hard too say
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Tue Jun 26 14:59:28 2007
M48 in Toronto, ONTARIO =Canada=
Name: Troy Ellis
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for comfort
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Prof/Studies: Accountant
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More personal info:
Thank You for your thoughts in my sad moments.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cirhhosis; Aged: 78.
--Details:
as above
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a void. An emptyness that is so very painful.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
this is the first time. I am besides myself.
--That first time, how it happened was
I was my mother's caregiver and she lived with me for the past 15
years and has been in my life forever. 2 years before her death,
she was diagnosed with cirhhosis and when she fell and broke her hip,
the liver could not sustain her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The emptyness. Like a hollow feeling.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
eternity. To separate the body and soul.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my mother 'chose' me to be beside her when she gave her
last breath.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and significant other
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Being at home. Where it was her home as well. Each and every inch
of the space has her memories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to offer prayers, sing hymns if that person is religious. To refrain
from speaking about the world outside and concentrate on the person
totally by including them in every word you speak.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
would like them to appreciate their mothers. I did and am so grateful
I had the opportunity every day to tell her that.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she closed her eyes for the last two days, never opening them. Was
she around? Or merely breathing?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be more patient, to be more accepting of her gradual decline. I did
what I had to do on a daily basis, I loved her dearly and went to
the end of the world to do what she enjoyed.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
for the last 2 months when she was totally dependant on me because
of her fall, I did everything for her. I do know I never even for a
moment made her feel that she was a burden. Not it those 2 months. On
her last day home, she woke up early, and needed help to get into
the bathtub as soon as I woke up. She profusely apologized for
being so early and my response was so positive that she should not
apologize and that it was just okay. I am thankful for that. I am
grateful those words came out of my mouth on her final day at home.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how much I did for her in my care. For me it was something I just
did out of love. Why the fuss?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
not over it at all. Not by any means.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would continue doing what I had done.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I think GOD has been very kind not only to us but to my mother
during her final days. She went as she had wished. And I am grateful.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop crying. Remember the good times. Plenty of those.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
suddenly became the figure of care that I was for her. I started
phoning the minister and making arrangements.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Gratitude. I never imagined that the community would be what it
was to my mother and all of us.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Having the minister say the final rites. Singing hymns. Asking the
churchgoers for forgivness.
--Religious Affiliation:
My mother was a devout muslim
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The soul is eternal and goes to the creator.
--Regarding MONEY:
money and rituals played an important part and big part.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
very organized by the religion. We had not much to do but be there
to grieve and do what we had to do.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The rattle of death. She had that for the 2 final days. We did not
know that this was the big sign. The jagular vein was pronounced
indicating liver failure.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
still too soon...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Most definitely. My mother indicated to my sister that some man
from above was signalling to her. She was not sure what it was but
that was the last she spoke to us.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I dont know as yet. I wish I did.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I just want my mother to know how much I miss her, how much she
meant to me and how much I truly, like I said to her every day,
love her. I hope she knew that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
I am just in the process - she died 1 month ago
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
Cannot forget her sitting on her chair or on her bed
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was helpful to write down my feelings.
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Tue Jun 26 15:41:17 2007
F28 in Indianapolis, Indiana =USA=
Name: Shana
Email: <shanaelaine-at-sbcglobal.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: MOM
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 15 Months ago.
Cause of Death: mixed drug interaction; Aged: .
--Details:
drug addiction
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is what happens to us when our body gives out or shuts down.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 7. My dad's mom, my grandmother.
--That first time, how it happened was
Well I met Jon June 2003, It took a few months, but we started
dating and he was the best man I had ever met. We had sooo much
fun together. He had a 7 year old son every other weekend, and in
our house, it was the more the merrier... we had many dreams and
fantasies. He was my other half, he brought out so many quality's
in me, I had no idea I had. Jan. 2005 got a little rocky, I felt
Jon was drinking and going out too much. We seperated, and he
claimed he was getting himself back on track, and we still seen
each other a few times a week. By March 2005 we were back on and
living together. In April I found out he was taking pain pills
and also he had slept with another girl in the few months we were
"broke up". He appologized sincerely for all of it and claimed
he was getting help with his addiction to OXYCONTIN. He also told
me about him being sexually abused as a child, and that it was
an uncle. He struggled with talking about it, so I printed off
all the info I could off of the web for him. He seemed sick and
like he withdrawled for days, and then he was better. Two months
later I found out I was pregnant, not the best thing to happen
considering the situation, but we were happy about our creation.
We both wanted "more" kids but Jon was struggling with addiction
worse then he ever let on. Throughout my pregnancy, for the most
part Jon was awesome, he was loving and caring. I know he lied many
times about where he was going and what he was doing, I now know
that comes along with addiction. He hurt the most the one's he
loved the most. He had the biggest heart, but this other side of
him would win sometimes. After our child was born, we adored him,
and loved every minute of it. I found out real quick that Jon was
still having addiction issues. We spent all day everyday for 2
weeks together because he had taken 2 weeks off for the arrival of
our son. I noticed the difference in the day, rather than night...
he was hooked, and he called Oxycontin the devil... The last week
of his life were the hardest, regarding our relationship. He would
leave and come back 5 hours later, barely able to keep his eyes open.
On March 9th 2006, I decided if Jon wasnt gonna get help I was gonna
stay at my mothers. The very next day, on the 10th, Jon called me
and asked why I wasnt at home, he didnt even remember why I left.
He went to work and seemed fine. He called me later the same day and
sounded "messed up". Around 3 he called and seemed normal again,
he wanted to see me. I went to our apartment and we talked about
rehab. He wanted to go to a free one in FL. His sister had told
him about it. He wanted me to come with him. I wanted to think
about it, considering I had a brand new baby, and needed some sort
of support. Jon, I and our son fell asleep all cuddled together.
Thats the last time he seen our son. He had "somewhere" to go,
so I kinda got ticked and said fine Im goin back to my mom's and
he helped me out to the car with our son. It was evening now and I
felt like Jon really was gonna go to rehab and if it meant I had to
go to FL for him to do it I would. Jon called me many times that
night, the last was at 10:40 p.m.. He asked "so am I gonna see you
tonight?" I said no, Noah is sleeping, I dont want to wake him.
He said well tomorrow then?? I said ofcourse. He said he was
gonna make tenderloin sandwiches around 12 noon. On the Morning
of March 11th I woke up and didnt feel anything was wrong at all.
My friend had called me, needing a ride to a convenient store.
My mom said she would sit with my son while I went. It was 8:30
a.m. and I tried calling Jon from my cell, but kept being instantly
sent to voicemail, like when your phone is turned off. I drove by
our apartment to see if he made it home, and his car was not there.
He told me wich bar he was on his way too, so I drove there and to my
avail his car was in the parking lot. I pulled up on the passenger
side of his car and noticed him slumped over in the driver seat.
I thought he had passed out in his car. As I walked over to the
driver side I noticed how blue his face was. I knew somewhere inside
of me that he was dead, but I still pulled him out of the car and
begged my friend to save him. I was sooo shaken, I couldnt even
turn my phone on. She called 911, but it was too late... he had
been dead for atleast 6 hours. No more life at all behind those
beautiful hazel eyes, strong hands, hearty laughs... nothing its all
gone in an instant, that I never wanted to see coming. He died of
mixed drug interaction. My heart will always hurt for losing him.
I must add that after his death I learned more extensively on
the sexual abuse and it happened by 2 different family members...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain from the loss of his presense
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
open mindedness
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how strong I realized I am.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being by myself, and crying it out. Takin time to cry, not be
so strong. I love music and it still helps me express what I cant
on my own... if ya know what I mean
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss of the love of my life and the father to my son. Still to
this day I have yet to figure out what Im supposed to do in the
LOVE/ROMANCE area of my life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I feel like this question does not apply to me at all
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am strong and determined to go on until the end
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I think about after life and where Jon's soul/spirit is this
very moment
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I dont recall having this moment... I do remember being in shock
and feeling like a shell of a person though
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell him I would definately go to Florida if that is what he
wanted...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I dont understand the question, the only thing Im thankful for is
loving and knowing him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
a peace comes over me ever since his death... I cant explain it,
just a sense of peace.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss him on a daily basis, I have text messages telling me how
much he loves me. When I read through those, I miss him soo much
that I sob.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Oh god, I wish I could do this, I ofcourse think of what if, but
my mind will not let me go further... I dream about Jon, he is even
dead in my dreams...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He didnt get another chance... I wish someone would have been
with him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
touch him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I found him dead...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they didnt get the chance to be involved...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
another point of view
--Religious Affiliation:
new age
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
not too bad, considering he was 29. He was a hard worker in his
life though
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
So many people came, it was unbelievable all the lives he touched
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
take it one hour at a time... time does not neccessarily heal wounds
or the pain, but it definatley dulls the sharp painful edges...
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
dont make your children the beneficiary of life insurance policy's
until they are adults...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
Good friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
Im still dealing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
definately express....
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Wed Jun 27 15:19:08 2007
F42 in albuquerque, nm =us=
Name: J
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: educator
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 22 Years ago.
Cause of Death: carelessness; Aged: 15.
--Details:
my father accidentally shot and killed my only sibling.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
loss
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
rage, fear
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
facing the reality of it, together, with support for each other
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
deeper appreciation of what's right in front of me, right now
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
psychotherapist, zen buddhist practice (buddha, dharma, sangha)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
finality of the loss. my helplessness to change the outcome
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
respect their wishes, not superimpose my own ideas of what I think
they need
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it is possible to manifest peace in the face of death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she left... completely, for good
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I'd go nuts if I couldn't have a sense of humor about difficult
things
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
ask, "how can you leave me?"
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get away from the people that I grew up with who acted like nothing
had happened, and find people who were honest and supportive
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
there's a dead body on display in a coffin in the room, and people
are walking and talking near (but not about it) it like it's
nothing unusual
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral service and rituals
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I imagine losing my spouse. I'm still haunted by fear of loss
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't do that anymore.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I'm so pissed. if only I could have been there, maybe I could have
been shot instead, and I'd have lived, because I'm stronger than
he was
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
embrace reality as it is, and let fear blow through me
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shock, then fled the room to be alone
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
keeping me from having easy access to a dying friend
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
ritualized denial/covering up
--Religious Affiliation:
past: none.
current: zen buddhism
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we're all rats on a sinking ship in a dark cold sea. we can at least
treat each other with compassion in our shared experience of horror
and loss
--Regarding MONEY:
no money issues
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
denial
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the finality of realizing, "never, ever another interaction"
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a person recounting the important stories that defined their life
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I can gain strength from the experience of the dying friend letting
go of her anger and increasingly manifesting peace and acceptance
of reality
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I live now, not in the past anymore.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd thank my friend for manifesting peace in the face of death,
even while in great pain
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
terrifying nightmares, every night, for years, of trying to save my
brother, to ask him where he went, of feeling him slip away in dreams
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I worry, what if I lose my ability to think clearly and make such
decisions?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i'm still afraid. i'm still grasping at love, sensation, and
breathing
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
zero.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
psychotherapy and zen practice
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
death is always potentially immanent. I remember this daily
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no. It's difficult to change the lifelong habit of retreating
from others
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
attachment to life
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
how I reached out: I was a hospice volunteer for a year
how I
wish someone had helped me: honesty
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes, useful.
death is on my mind every day. something everyone
should consider.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
not sure I understood the reference to "Spirit in all Deaths"
question
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Wed Jun 27 18:30:30 2007
F27 in Los Angles , , Cailfornia =Untied States=
Name: Keiyanna Coldcleugh
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
assignment
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Prof/Studies: Public Administration
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: natural Causes ; Aged: .
--Details:
he just came home one day from work and went to sleep and never
woke up
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
It is something that haapens every day , to me it is apart of life
. When someone passes on the lord makes it possible for new life
to be created in order to sustain the world with living people
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was littilke and my graet grandmother had died it really didi not
affect me much because st the time I did not know what death was
at that time
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is how everyone was crying and trying to be there for each other
and telling everyone that it will be okay and that this is the
toughest part of life .
--What I think my (Untied States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing because every culture deals with death in their own terms
and that it varires culture to culture.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
is that fact that I was able to spend time with my fahter and that he
got to meet his first grandson and establish a connection with him .
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother was the most support that I had when dealing with my
fathers death . Mothers always make you feel that everthing will
be okay and that it was not the end of the world for me .
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It was trying not to place blame on yourself . I felt that if my
mother and father had stayed together that this would not have
happened and that things might of turned out different .
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to assure the grevier that everything will be okay and that it is
part of life and that living on this world is not forever .
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
spendimg time and not assessing blame is the best way to deal with
death .
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my father died and the reasoning why god had to take my father away
for me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
everyone deals with death in their own terms and it is dealing with
it that makes people stronger
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to spend more time with my father and establish a strong bond like
the one that we had 22 years ago
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to have someone like my mother top tell me that everyting thing
would be okay and that I owuld get through this .
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
someone holding me and gving me a shoulder to cry on
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
What has my fahter left behind that he could be remember by as
a person
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I reminse about that time I was a little girl and how my father
would do specail things for just becasue I was his little girl.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be palce where one died , where thaer is no sickness ,
and that all of the wrold would be rid of said thoughts and there
would be peace
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my father had to leave me so soon , becuase he would miss all
of the things in my life that a father should be there for like my
graduation and wedding
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see my fahterone more time to tell him that I love him and show
him all of the things that I accomplished
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought that it was a joke or it was april fools day .
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
unsure becuase I was not at the faclity when my father died
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
would be said because I dont want anyone that I love to died
painfully
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
also giving parsie to god and that he masked everything happen for
a reason .
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that it okay and in order to life or exisitece to happen that death
of some one must happen .
--Regarding MONEY:
all the furenal expesnes were taken care of and anythig that was
left over would be split up accroding to the will .
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How a tragic event brings old and new family and freanid together
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the fact that my fahter was ot on this earth anymore
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
nothing becuase I was not able to see my fahter physcial state when
he died .
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was having a stong support system that got me through it
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I haveneever expericned this before and dont know of any others
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I dont know anyone that has had this experience
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
THe feeling of abandonment
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
By talking to someone that I turst
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
does not apply to me or anyone that I know
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have not after my father and everthing in our family is also left
to the children .
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
None becuase that scars me a little
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
A loving and inteelgent woman that lived life to the fullest .
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
All I did was talk to my omther about how I was felling about the
death of my father .
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to exercise and eat a lillte heatlier
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none , just that me and my mother have a stronger realtonship with
each other
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Abandonment
my mother was also a strong infulence
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
comusming my life with other things like work and school
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
No , my mother was the perfect person for me
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think ctriically about me death experciance
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Thu Jun 28 16:39:00 2007
F23 in bremerton, wa =u.s.=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an experience that will bring out the best and worst in people.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didn't cry.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that everyone was crying and trying to epress themselves at the
funeral.
--What I think my (u.s.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable and we should cherish every day with our loved ones.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brings families closer together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I wasnt really affected but my family was and I just tried to listen
to them and their feeling.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing my family hurting
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen and try to make them smile.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt a disconnection from her and a stronger connection to my family
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was the only one who died in the accident and she was pregnant
yet the baby survived.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to her before she passed.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my dad got up during the funeral and talked about my aunt. It was
a very moving moment
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having her body there during the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about my grandma passing away...in the future.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for people to die without knowing they are going to.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die before my family does.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
havent got to talk to her in a year.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a family
--Religious Affiliation:
nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like it might be true but how are we ever to know.
--Regarding MONEY:
we had to pay for the care of my little cousin that was in the
hospital back in new york.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how all of my family came together.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that she didn't know she was going.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you have to think of the past and the good things that they have
brought to your life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
???
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
there are not any unresolved issues.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
family is the most important and hopefully i will have my wishes
stated before i go.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I try and live everyday as if it is my last with a smile and a warm
heart. I hope I stay here as long as i should.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would like people to remember that I was kind and compassionate
and a great friend.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my best friend and i went to my aunts funeral together as well as
my great grandmas' it brought us together. While the funerals were
going on we were crying together and holding hands.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I haven't had anyone die that I was super close to yet
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Sat Jun 30 01:08:32 2007
Anon 24 in =United States=
Name: Mindy
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Sociology 3419 Death and Dying
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
n/a
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
n/a
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 96.
--Details:
I did not witness the death, but I saw her a week before she died
and went to her death funeral and saw her lying in the coffin dead.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a spirit(I would acknowledge the aliens' presence; it's
soul in other words)moving from a physical body (and after I said
this phrase, I would point to the aliens' body so it understands
me)to somewhere else either physical or spiritual (and then I might
point up: acknowledging somewhere else). The being or spirit moved
because the body is not capable of holding the spirit inside it
any longer; because it does not function correctly.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was sorry for the one leaving it's body, but happy that it now
has a new adventure.
--That first time, how it happened was
n/a
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was the death of a bug that I witnessed, I have not yet to my
knowledge and memory witnessed another human beings' death.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The light, joy and positive elements of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
adventure, hope and passing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Music, friend or relatives' comfort, walking and being in nature.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Saying goodbye for now and not knowing when to say hello again!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Journey into the unknown armed with the very power of your Soul.
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Felt was joy in passing and my Great-Grandmother leaving a tired,
malfunctioning body.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The funeral and the bright and colorful make-up on her face.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my parents and siblings looked at me strangely and said "Minden"
I just smiled and laughed some more.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to give her a piece of Peace. Because I was not there to physically
witness her my Great-Grandmother's death, I feel like I could have
brought her Peace.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To not be present at her death and let the trouble of not seeing
someone you love pass away right before your eyes.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The death of a small bug.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Wearing all black to the funeral or memorial; and, being sad
(crying, sobing).
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
n/a
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would probable dream a life with flowers and sunshine,
where positivity is appreciated, shown and expressed as most
important. And, being with the one I love forever in this made-up
dream world for eternity. And, not seeing, hearing or experiencing
them pass away from me. But, on planet earth I do not see and have
not experienced this dream world or another like it! But, maybe in
my dreams that is my asleep and unconscious dreams.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Not fair to live the same life in the same body and to not see the
passer any time soon.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream goodbye and goodluck!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Opened my eyes wide and dropped my jaw in astonishment.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great importance to the community.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Dying slowly.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
practice of the holy Bible by readings and teachings; shared with
others to enlighten and/or help one another.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic Sunday School
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The Spirit is our very Soul that light, grace and creation in all
of us. and in Death our Soul or Spirit trancends else where.
--Regarding MONEY:
It is not an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Peoples' faces, body language and expressions. As well as my
Great-Grandmother's appearance on her death bed.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not being able to visit with and share company with my
Great-Grandmother and others that have passed away. It just feels
weird that she is gone--I feel weird.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Being with the ones you love for a longer period of time.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I have a slow time waiting for death, in the same shoes as you;
waiting for death to take me away to another life and another
journey. That is if I was as well dying and waiting for death like
my friend and loved one. We then have something in common to share
and grow with.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say i love you and I want to visit with you for the time
being because I do not know when I will get another chance to. Now,
this might help my feelings subside into a positive state where I
am in the company of the loved one who died. I could then say to
them how I feel, my hopes, pains and joys.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mom said she experienced strange phenomina when her sister Liz
died. But, right now I do not remember what my mom told me about
her experience.
On the other hand, I have used the Quija board and
experienced some helpful and relative feedback from the death of a
former and fellow classmate of mine from high school that died in a
car crash some months ago. repeated phrases were spelled out on the
board that the class teacher said to a student in the class. And,
the former classmate that died spelled to me and acknowledged
my questions.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
People usually like to show and say their opinion in any matter
weather it is about the death of a love one or the new schooling
of their childern; they want a piece of the cake.
I want people
not to argue when I die. I want peace and joy not pain, fighting,
suffering, grieving and negativity.
My death should be acknowledged
as something good and different, new and exciting.
These are some
of my personal "Rights and Wishes" of my death event:
The one who
died should be remembered as the one who will not be there to say
hello everyday; their "Rights and Wishes" should be acknowledged
and taken care of for the benefit of their Soul passing. Why let
others spoil the event or party; it is not their position to do
so. It is the one who died event not the people alive, wondering
what to do with their possessions and the death situation.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My journey here is dead and on to another; an adventure out into
the unknown armed with my very Soul. The leaving and passing of
the ones I love such as my family and friends.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I give my passing a new life and a new adventure; do not fret and
grieve for me I am O.K. in a new journey. I wish my body to be
cremated and my ashes speard over things I loved like the forest,
desert and place where I spent a good deal of my time outdoors. My
possessions are given to people I love such as some specific things
to specific people and other possessions that are open for grab.
For example, my money to my childern, my vechicle to someone needy,
my shelter to my childern or someone needy, my belongings such
as clothes to those who fit them, my jewelry to the girls of the
family, my most special jewelry to my daughter(s), my journels and
art pieces to my son(s) and daughter(s), my appliences and furnitures
to those who fit the part and have room for, my special furniture,
dishes and fine possessions to my son(s) and daughter(s). Once I
have childern and get to know them well, I can then write a specific
name to a specific piece (possession). Ending, with I love you all
much more so than what I have earned and worked for my whole life!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Ways to cope are letting the loved one go and this is a tough
one because it means settling down old memories with good and
bad times. I remember my mom telling me how hard it was to let
her sister Liz go!
To cope by going about your daily business,
schdule and life. Maybe adding some extra, positive things with
goals and adventures to your day to make yourself feel better like
swimming, walking, jogging, hiking, sports, writing in a journel,
enjoying the outdoors, going to the beach, drawing and/or making art.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
Love, compassion and consideration for the one who passed
away. Moving on by making the best of the present situation:
laughing when something brings you joy, growing as an individual
person inside and out!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
memories
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Show loving care and affection for the one who passed away; it
is thier day and event not someone elses. Give plenty of hugs
and recognition for the passing one!
When my Great-Grandmother
passed away, I remember, someone saying to me: "your never going to
see her again." And, is that statement really true? Maybe I will
see Great-Grandma again--maybe later when I die and go somewhere
else. At the time, I thought it a cold statement and to this day
I think of it as cold and unthoughtful.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, the questionaire helped me remember how I felt and what happened
when my loved ones passed away and yes it got me thinking about
death, what happens after and during it; and, my own someday to
be death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Another, possible question to add here is: did you spend quality
time with someone who passed away? What kinds of things did you
do together with your time together and who else shared this time
too?
Did you learn about "Death and Dying" while with the person
who passed away?
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See May 07 contributions.
See Apr 07 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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