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See Current contributions.
See Apr 07 contributions.
See Mar 07 contributions.
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Thu May 3 10:31:20 2007
F59 in Minneapolis, MN =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
googled the word bardo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
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--Death Is:
the word that comes to mind is "stop"
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt numb
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how flat everything seemed - one dimensional
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's OK to grieve. Also more about the physical aspects of dying.
I was unprepared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Having the chance to tell my mother that it was OK to leave.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with my husband
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the actual physical dying. I was NOT prepared for what I saw.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To let them talk and physical contact. I used to hold my mother
in my arms and sing to her.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
As much as I didn't want my mother to die, death was indeed a
blessing for her. I never thought I would think of death as
a blessing.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My mother fought so hard. It challenged my beliefs in the hereafter.
The hospice book said that the spirit may leave the body from time
to time during the days before death but my mother fought to stay
right to her last breath. It was frightening. Why would she want
to stay with us if there was peace and no pain on the other side?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
My mother's dying took about 3 months and I pretty much tried to
say and do whatever I felt needed to be said and done. I only
regret that she is gone.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Keep my brain functioning enough to make sure she had a lovely
funeral and that it was all what she wanted.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
When she actually died. My brother and I both described what felt
like a slight rush of wind go through us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Many things set me off. Especially going through my mother's things
and now my father's too. Whenever I find something she gave me or
hear a song she liked.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
One thing that bothered me is that I did not dream of my mother for
over 2 years after she died. On Christmas eve, 2 1/2 yrs later,
I had a dream about her and she said everything was all right.
That's the last time I dreamed about her. Is that strange?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my mother had to suffer while others die so quickly.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to her. We're remodeling my parents home right now so we
can sell it and everytime I get a room done I say "mom" would have
loved this so why didn't we do it when she was alive?"
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was present for the death and it literally freaked me out.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They literally write off the elderly.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Not impressed. The hospice nurse we had said she had no idea
my mother was so close to death. She should have known. I did,
however, appreciate the booklet they gave us on death and dying.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Someone for my mother to talk to about her afterlife issues.
It seems my religion did not have sufficient answers for me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
More real. We all share the fact that we all die.
--Regarding MONEY:
funeral expenses. I don't know how poor people can afford to die.
There were no other issues with money for my family. Thank God.
I do think it's odd that people give monetary gifts at funerals.
I know it's meant to help defray costs but it still seems odd.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It really takes your mind elsewhere. Eventhough I was grieving, I
found myself comforting others who were grieving. I felt a certain
comfort in the common grief. Like we are all in the same boat here.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
In the moments directly following my mother's death, I felt like
I had stepped back and was observing a very strange happening.
Like I said, everything suddentlu looked very one-dimensional an flat
and all the colors around me looked old and faded. It was as if
I was looking through a veil. The feeling that was teh strongest
and hardest for me to shake was the feeling that my mother was
"just gone."
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The distant look, the pain mom experienced. She had to have so
many drugs for pain and the drugs made her seem lost and gone in
a different way.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It just takes time.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It seemed like my mother was trying to shut that out. She had no
"visitations" in our presence and I don't remember her mentioning
and one name. It seemed that the closer she got to dying, the
harder she fought to stay. That really bothered me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel OK. I miss my mother terribly but I feel OK.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just to tell her how much she's missed and that we are all taking
care of ourselves just fine.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Simple - DNR! I only want to die once. I think it's very important
to have everything in order so that the grieving family left behind
doesn't have too much to deal with.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not fear death. I do, however, fear how I will die. I don't
think anyone could be prepared to die like my mother died. I am
NOT prpared for that. This brings up the question about why some
people are blessed with a quick death.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Passed away peacefully. Loved her family and friends with her
heart and soul.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I would put on my mother's robe which still had her scent on it.
For 2 years after my mother's death, I cooked all her favorite
recipes for my family and made each of them their favorite holiday
treats like she always did. My mother was a fabulous cook and I
didn't want anyone to miss that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
watching the death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just being there for the person.
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Mon May 7 20:54:33 2007
F52 in bangkok, Bangkok =thailand=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
transition
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid
--That first time, how it happened was
brother died from illness
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
buddhism belief.
reward for good deeds.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
did not say goodbye
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dying can feel our love which can calm him/her down.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
he had vision three days before he passed on.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i had other embarrasing thought that I could not understand too. But
i didn't laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hugged my father before he went
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learned about my father's vision, that it was good and convinced
that he would go to the better place.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when someone died a tragic death
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
dream of them
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
solace
--Religious Affiliation:
Buddhism
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
love and respect for the death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my father had few visitors from old friends and only an unknown
lady he did not know who carried a rose (his favorite flower)
and waited for him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My father saw a fluffy white cloud in the room and a motored balloon
that supposed to be his vehicle waiting for him for three days.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
dreamt of my father only twice. The second time he came and give
me a hug. We did n't speak.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
sometime I fear death (like when taking a plane), but most of the
time, I believe I'm prepared.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
]x[
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Mon May 14 10:17:42 2007
F26 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
longing for my child
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
christine okeefe
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Edwards syndrome/premature; Aged: 3 days.
--Details:
it just happened too quickly
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went numb for about 4 weeks
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pains in my arms and the emptyness in my heart
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that its okay to shout and scream and curse after someone you
love dies
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When a baby is born you look at them and see this great potential,
this baby can see and do anything. When my baby died this was lost
but now i look at other children and i see it and I've placed myself
in a position now where I can help children see how amazing they are.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Books. I read everything and anything about child death and grief. I
also attended therapy which was somewhat helpful
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loneliness. Nobody else can possibly understand
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I would just let them cry and tell them I'm so sorry. I would also
let them know that everything they feel is normal.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Survived
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I held my a\rms out for my child and they were so heavy and empty
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never knew other people did that!!! I laughed like a hyena the
day he was buried and felt so guilty but now I know that at that
time if I didn't laugh I would have just disappeared.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be alone with him, dress him, hug him and examine every inch of him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Im so thankful that there were fantastic nurses working with him
who respected his life and treated him gently
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The nurse cried
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
??
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I least expect it
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Sometimes, i feel like I'm living the wrong life
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
??
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just give up and let go
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I began to choke, puked, screamed and strangely began to suck
my thumb!!!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
neutrality. I believe they did the best that they could. The
midwives were completely ignorant to me and I hold them in very
low regard now.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
??
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing in the spiritual sense but it allowed for some recognition
of my childs life
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like hope
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was so small but there was a lot of love there
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The weirdest thing I did was lying on the grave and begging him to
come back
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
?
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Be whereever you need to be and be gentle with yourself
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
??
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just say I love you so much
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
A few weeks afeter he died I dreamt of him, we were back in the
hospital and he was dying, I ran with him to the streets and sat
and waited for him to die but he didn't. I ran into a woman and
told her hes alive hes not dead. Then I went into a kitchen and sat
holding him. Not sure if this was a sign from him or just a dream
but i felt much more at peace when I awoke.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
try to be home to die, don't die in a hospital
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about my death a lot and I've considered ending it
myself. Then I feel guilty because I'm living and breathing and I
should be doing something magnificent with my life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I got a locket and when I think of him I can just hold onto it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I write to him in a diary
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes 2 people I knew only socially became very good friends and I
am forever grateful to them. But I also lost some old friends who
just couldn't deal or rather didn't even try.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I began training to be a nurse soon after
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I found this helpful because it normalised a lot of my feelings.
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Sat May 19 00:42:39 2007
F48 in =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was searching for links re: Kathleen Dowling Singh, the author
of The Grace In Dying.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Grace In Dying -- my #1 -- I have been reading it and pondering
it for nine years now; the music of Ann Mortifee (especially her
later work);
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kathleen Dowling Singh (The Grace In Dying) -- truly a gifted scribe
and communicator.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5.5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: emphysema; Aged: 74.
--Details:
My mother's was most pivotal, firstly, because she was my
mother....I believe that there is something absolutely singular
about a mother's death for all of us...I was with her for the last
30 hours of her life (she was in coma), and experienced a process
that I still find almost impossible to describe. All I can say is
that I sensed, through my hands, her life force gathering itself,
gaining power and surge for the release from her body. I perceived
it as a furiously spinning ball of fire, about the size of a
tennis ball, directly over her sternum and solar plexus. Imagine a
rocket in the final seconds of countdown: the engines are roaring,
bucking, and the craft's release is immanent...
Another death
that has been extremely significant was the suicide of my friend,
B., 12.5 years ago; we had been colleagues (! --> psychotherapists)
and friends. I was shattered, truly, by his death and I believe that
it precipitated my midlife passage (which I am still going through;
I'm 48 now), or should I say, the first stage of my midlife passage,
which was Crash & Burn. This lasted for over four years! :0
I
have lost several beloved friends through diseases like AIDS and
cancer -- two more are "newly terminal" -- they were both given
prognoses this week.
I've had a few cherished animal companions
euthanized, and despite the agony I felt (and feel) about killing
these creatures by proxy (the vet), I am adamantly in support of
end-of-life release. There are few sights more harrowing than the
husk of a person you love, insensate but for the hissing and beeping
and screeching machines that keep the last vestiges of him trapped to
existence. With explicit and honourable guidelines, allowing another
to die when living is a hell we ambulent ones can't comprehend --
it is one of the most compassionate acts we humans can offer one
another.
I lost a dear school friend when I was 17 (we'd known
each other since we were five) -- she and her sister were killed
in a highway collision. That event shattered me in a different way
from B's death...Among other things, I overdosed on Kubler-Ross's
writings and if I'd been a teen right now instead of the mid-70s,
I'd have gone seriously goth. ;)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of us. The end of our bodies. We can't do anything anymore --
we stop; everything stops and we never start again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
just remember lots of legs --> I was six and very short, and I saw
all these legs walking back and forth in my grandparents' house
(my grandmother had died). I don't recall if I went to the funeral
-- I think not. One afternoon in this period, I had a nap and woke
up at sunset, feeling like it was the next day and feeling totally
upside down when someone told me it was sunset.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
what I sensed and felt in my hands (see above re: my mother's death),
and what I perceived, as my mother was dying. That experience has
somehow helped me to resolve my own questions about what death
might be (and of course, who among us knows what death is? -- grin)
and I've arrived at a possibility that makes sense to me. I think
that the essential animating force of a being (human or otherwise)
departs the body, and dissipates over time, eventually becoming
part of other transitions into corporeal life. On the other hand,
who knows... ;D
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to accept it!!! I am aware of my own denial (that runs much deeper
than any initial denial of a particular death) -- how tenacious it
is, and how enveloping of the mind.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being with my mother as she was dying. It was the most sacred
experience of my life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends ... space ... sleep ... writing ... feeling ... conversations
with others who knew the one who has died ... music ... beauty
... touch ... my cats ... lots and lots of comfort food ;)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
with any of them, it's the fact that someone we love is GONE. There
are times I am so hungry for the presence and the touch, the sight
and the sound, of my parted ones that I could chew off my arm! (So
to speak.)
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Soften your mind, allow your heart to open, and be as tender and
soothing as you would be with a newborn infant. Do only (or delegate)
what needs to be done only for practical purposes of comfort, pain
relief, symptom management. There is nothing else to do...so just
love the one who is passing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Driving with two friends from the funeral home to B's house for
a gathering, one woman, L, started smacking her lips and making
"ptooey" and "yuck" sounds. "Does anybody have a mint?" she asked
... "Gross -- I've got death breath!" The three of us were laughing
so hard, so long, that we had to pull off the road. You had to be
there... :D
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
FIXING THINGS! Dying is not something to be fixed, and there
is NOTHING TO DO (save those those practical needs for as much
comfort/ease as possible). This is agony for anyone who cannot be
quiet inside. Example: about twenty minutes before my mother actually
died, two nurses were gently settling her after changing her linens,
bedclothes, and tending the various tubes, etc. Mom was on her back,
with her belly exposed for a moment while she was being sponged. My
sister and I were with her. My sister saw what looked to her like a
lump in Mom's lower left abdomen. My sister wanted a doctor, a test,
NOW! One of the nurses gently and thoroughly palpated the area,
then looked up at me, saying "It might be gas...or some accumulated
waste..." with a realist's bittersweet tone -- there was nothing
to be done. My sister couldn't accept that.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I don't often know when I'm going to be "hit" -- the other day,
my husband and I were driving somewhere, and it was the first day
of Spring when the maple trees unfurl their leaves. We were more or
less driving into the sun when its light blazed through the brand
new leaves of a silver maple, whose leaves are a lovely red-wine
shade. The beauty of it just whacked me, and I burst into tears
in the car. Our friend W, who is dying of cancer, would have burst
into rhapsodies of descriptive delight if she'd been with us. She
*loves* beauty.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think that my mother would be ecstatic that my husband and I
are together (we became close very soon after she died) -- Mom
had known G casually, and liked him very much. If my friend L was
alive, we'd be laughing our heads off, as we always did, at the
whole glorious mess of life. If B was alive...I don't know. If my
two cats were here, I'd be in bed with them right now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that they have to go at all." -- This perception of unfairness is
no longer an issue; I am much more accepting of the fact that we
die. The unfairness is always in an untimely / violent / painful /
unjust / protracted ... kind of death.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop the deaths from happening, at least for a while -- the older
we get, the less of a break we get from loss...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
When I learned of my friend B's death, I pitched forward, jerked back
and forth and cried out "Oh God Oh God Oh God" numerous times. Death
-- a sudden one, especially -- *does hit* you. Right in the gut,
right in the heart.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Mixed feelings and experiences. My uncle rotted for over a week
while his family agonized about "pulling the plug." My mother was
given such tender, competent care by the nurses and aides...a couple
of them even came to her funeral.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. I do not respond to the rites and beliefs of organized
religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
Well...lately I've thought of myself as a gnostic who knows nothing;
aspiring to be a post-cynical seer; a mystic who just can't meditate;
-- I resonate with aspects of different wisdom traditions and
sages ...
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like both a total mystery, and a presence that can't be denied. I've
had too many experiences of ... Something. Everyone has his/her
way of being most susceptible to Spirit; mine seems to be through
the senses, through direct experience.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My sister and how she was hogging almost all of the roses that were
going to be released into our mother's grave after the casket was
settled (!) ... the gaze that both my best friend and my future
husband gave to me (and I hardly knew my husband from Adam at the
time -- his gaze floored me for a second or two, before the fog
settled in again....Six weeks later, we went out for lunch, and have
been inseperable since then). The *weirdness* of it all...thinking
to myself: "My mother...is in that box...in the ground...?..."
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I felt ripped open after my mother and B died. Like a bomb going off
in little bursts; dumbfounded; wildly awake and then *exhausted*;
like a frog in a blender; completely unhinged and more sane and
lucid than I knew I could be. Dangerously honest at times.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
loss of consciousness ... refusal/inability to eat/drink ... physical
signs of agitation or a cessation of movement ...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had a friend who died of ovarian cancer; she and her closest kin
made the dying a conscious process -- it was the most beautiful dying
I know of. About two weeks before Y died, her partner woke in the
wee hours, seeing beings of subtle light around the bed. G. went
to the bathroom, pinched herself several times, ascertained that
she was indeed awake, and went back to the bedroom...and she saw
that the beings were still there. Eventually, she slept....The
next morning, Y told her that she had had a dream...she couldn't
recall it, but she knew that she had entered a deeper phase in her
transition. Blew G's mind.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I've had several experiences where I was in a strange sleeping state,
and felt myself being sucked into a whirling void. I just somehow
"knew" that if I didn't pull myself up out of this place, I would
die. Terrifying.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I'm at peace with my mother, and with the others who have died.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
NO HEROIC MEASURES!!! Make sure that arrangements are made long
before you need them! Honour the wishes and directives of the one
who is dying. Definitely allow for terminal sedation if necessary
and permitted. Die at home, if possible. Make the whole experience
as conscious, sacred, and quiet (in spiritual tone) as possible.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yikes...name your feeling; I feel it: refusal to feel, most of
the time; curious, perpetually fascinated and wondering; reverent
and very attracted to being with people as they are dying (in the
sense of being a quiet presence, a comfort -- I can do this easily,
somehow); completely upended, unknowing, witless; quiet and serene
and quietly in love with everybody and everything; PISSED OFF
that any of us has to die; terrified!!; grateful for each death
that preceds mine in the sense that I have another opportunity to
become more at peace with my own death, and that I can be more of
service and presence to others I love who are dying; occasionally
I find myself in a state of helpless hilarity and I crack jokes and
one-liners that come out of left field!; sadder than I can describe
when I *miss* those who have gone ...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I wonder about my husband, who gazed into me as if was someone
he'd loved all his life at my mom's funeral. Several friends have
suggested that my mother was wasting no time! :D
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
With that death, I recall so little that I can't adequately answer
this question.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I believe that the fear of death itself is the bottom-line, primary
hinderance to accepting its reality.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Lots of sensible self-care, a willingness to be a total mess for
a while, comfort comfort comfort, lots of touch and love and quiet.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
A very thorough questionnaire; thank you so much for creating it.
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Tue May 22 17:04:51 2007
M20 in Victorville, California =U.S. (America)=
Name: Keith Smith
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
School Project
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Prof/Studies: Full time student.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a heart attack; Aged: 68.
--Details:
He happened to die on the way to the hospital while my Grandmother
was driving him there. This is one of the only times I've seen my
dad cry.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
that some belive it is the end of a persons physical and mental
body while others belive that it is only the end of someones
physical body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not really effected.
--That first time, how it happened was
My close Grandfather died from a sudden heart attack while on the
way to the hospital.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My father crying.
--What I think my (U.S. (America)) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to accept it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death is what makes life so special. Without and ending everything
in life wouldn't be special.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Acceptance of death itself, without acceptance then the process
can't proceed.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Overcoming the initial shock.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
They are ok, wherever they are and That their loved one would be
happy if they were happy.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can share my experience to help others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When I would think about the person even though they were not
still alive.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know that my Grandfather was going to die so we could talk.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
cope and accept it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I finally realized everything that had happened and felt happy for
him (my Grandfather).
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The actual death itself.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be similar to the life I live now except my Aunt and
Uncle might be more responsible and my Grandma would probably be
in better health.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't belive it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great importance they I feel they kept my Grandfather alive for a
lot longer than his heart had expected.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Help with the death.
--Religious Affiliation:
Non-Denominational Christian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My father crying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I would offer what seems to flow with their grieving process.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Be there for them and sympathize with them.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Keep my immediate family on the top of the list and make sure they
will be okay when I die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I wouldn't mind knowing my own death, it would make me want to
prevent it. Other than prevention I feel securely about dying and
it is something everyone does.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
They would say that I'm very caring, selfless, patient and
helpful. They might talk about my sense of humor and probably put in
one of my favorite quotes "Shouldn't have been standing there." or
"It happens."
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
acceptance and that he wouldn't be happy while I was upset.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was pretty good im sure the information taken could help others.
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Tue May 22 19:37:19 2007
F24 in victorville, ca =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Step-parent, 1994 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 37.
--Details:
he was like my real dad. he died in a car accident and was dead
on scene.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a human life seaces to exsist. all of their body does not work,
breath is taken, movement is taken, they are no longer there.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when my moms friend picked me up for school instead of my dad and
took me to my grandparents house i knew something was wrong. my
grandpa was in the master bedroom sitting on the end of his bed. he
sat me on his lap and told me what happened.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i know my father was a great person and that he loved the
Lord and put him before anything else and that one day i will
be in heaven with him. I do not think that death is that dark. i
know there is a better place than this. Sometimes death ncan be a
blessing in disquise. someone that is deathly ill and in agonizing
pain would suggest relief for them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
all my support cme from my family and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that i will not share my thoughts with that person ever
again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
know that every kind word and action will help yoiu be at ease with
yourself and you will have no regrets of your last conversation or
visit with that person.
--[My Step-parent's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
believe that he is waiting for me in heaven.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he passed at such a young age.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never laughed unless someone said something funny to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say i love you one more time and hug him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have such a loving supportive family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i saw a man wave goodbye to my mom and i after my father had passed
and he looked just like him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i still cry, especially when at weddings they have the father
daughter dance
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
my mom and him would still be married. we would be happy i think i
would have gone to a university instead of a two year and my dating
life would be completely different
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was taken at such a young age
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go to sleep
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i will never see them again, they're gone??
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
high regard. i know they always go to extreme measures to save
someones life
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
my grandmother was on hospice but i dont really recall the experience
i just remember the lady was so kind and sweet`
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying and coming to a peace that they are in heaven
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist/christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that most of us all belive in some sort of higher being and the
afterlife if deserved is great
--Regarding MONEY:
there were no issues except that my mom was a single parent once
again
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that everyone celebrated their love for him instead of hate or
dissatisfaction. everyone celebrated his life instead of mourning
the end of his life
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
ifa loved one of yours has a illness mental or physical there are
so many resources that you can research it. leasrn all you csn so
you will know what to expect and prepare yourself for the inevatable
and how to be supportive
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
how much we love eachother and that he was the best father i have
ever had even despite his faults
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my mom and i had a visitor. we were on the road at a stop light
and over in the jack n box parking lot there was a man and he ran
after our car waving goodbye to use. the bazar and unexplainable
part is that he looked just like my father
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i recieved an inheritance. the persons that have past around me
have always had their wishes granted.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would not want people to mourn after me i would want them
to celebrate the life that i lived. i would want everything to
already be ready so that my loved ones would not have to worry
about arrangements
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
she lived a short but full life. she was a daughter, granddaughter,
a sister and a friend. she was in perssuit of a degree in the
medical field. she was nice to anyone she came acrosss and was
loved by all. a person you could trust and easily love
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i dont take death as hard i still cry but i dont let it consume
my life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
being around my closest family members.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i was there for my mom
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was not upsetting to me. it is always good to9 talk about
death. the more you speak of it the more of s reality it becomes
preparing you for the future
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Tue May 22 21:59:38 2007
F19 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology class
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 58.
--Details:
It was difficult for everyone because of the cancer he was always
in and out of the hospital and miserable.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you lose someone you love or care about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, but remember feeling a little sad and confused
about what happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandpa passed away from cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was hard for everyone, and everyone was really sad.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The way friends and other people (hospital staff) supported our
family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I have a big family, so we all stayed with each other for a little
bit and it was family that helped me through it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that you will miss many great opportunties with someone
who was great and you barely got to know them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
doing everyday small things.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he was gone. I was really young and couldn't understand exactly
what had happened and where he had gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never wanted to laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have my mom, dad, brother, and I with him at the time he passed away.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know that he is in a better place.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't remember. I was young.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have another person to talk to about problems and have him
help me with insight and advice.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why does someone who was so nice, and giving have to go.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just have him back or wish it never happened.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in shock. I knew he was really sick but always believed he
would get better.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical community was really good to my grandpa and to my
family. The nurses helped out so much and one of them is still a
family friend to this day.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
really good and helpful.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
hope that we would see him again.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't really play a role my grandparents had planned for such
things eariler in their life.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many lives my grandpa had touched.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not knowing exactly what had happened.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the cancer had been a long process before he passed away so there
weren't many signs before he passed away.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was a young kid so I just was processing through it all trying
to figure out what happened and felt sad and tried to understand
where he had gone. So the process for me was just thinking and
making sense of it all.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I didn't have any visions but I have had dreams about him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nothing like that has ever happened to me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't feel that I have any unresolved issues because I was young
I just wish I could have had more time with him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I never really had a conversation like that I just prayed.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I don't remember what was said, but I have had some dreams.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe that the wishes of the deceased should be honored because
it is their last wish. When I die, I know it will have to be done
and there will be special things I will want to pass down so it
will be important for me to do.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have given thought to my own death as everyone does and if I knew
I was going to die soon I would just want to tell everyone I love
and care about goodbye and that I love them. Of course, I am at a
young age and don't wish to die, but I know it is inevitable but
I want to be able to live more of my life first.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Praying
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still pray.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I don't really have anyone who is reflective or "set up" as
a grandpa.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was really young and didn't really know what was going on.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was young so I didn't really reach out but I tried to help my
mom as much as possible.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a little helpful remembering some things I had forgot. But
it was also difficult because there were some things I did not
remember because I was young.
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Wed May 23 05:41:16 2007
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
departing from our loved ones to a play we don't know. And we don't
even know if there is a place or any existence of any kind where
our consciousness might survive.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I couldn't believe my grand mother was really dead.She was lying
on her bed as she were sleeping. I kissed her and she was cold as
marble. Her lips were slightely ajar and I expected her to open her
ayes at any moment and came back to be with us again. For many years
I dreamed that it was all a mistake and that she really didn't dye.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
I was raised in Italy. Our dead have to be buried within three days.I
purple drop is hanged at the door of the building where the person
lived so that the community can be aware of the departure. People
can drop by to say goodbye. Food is served after the funeral.
In
America death seems sanitized and very unreal
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I always remember her smile as a gift from God
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing if you will see that person again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell the person how significant she was to me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Once I thought I could create a whole life all for me while I was
dreaming. I life where I could be happy.
I realized later that
was just madness.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
If I just could wake up and this be just a bad dream
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it wasn't true
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They can't do much to help
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
fear of dying because I feared God judgment.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
equality of all human beings in front of death
--Regarding MONEY:
I never had to deal with this aspect of death
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that the person keeps living on our memory and nothing can erase
that and that life continue.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
When a dear friend died I realized she was a gift for me. A gift
that nobody could take away and looking at the sky I felt in contact
with God
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
dying must be like giving birth, just this time you are alone and
you give birth to yourself
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
she will always live in the love that her two children give to
their children of children, of children.......
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
find a meaning for my life
fear if God judgment and fear of annihilation
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
looking at the sky and think that we are all children of the
same God.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no, this didn't help me with the problem of my mortality
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Wed May 23 16:52:13 2007
F25 in Hesperia, CA =untied states=
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for my psychology class
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 72.
--Details:
I remember that he had blood coming out of his ears and that he
fell off his bed
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
normal and we all have to experience it sometime in our lives.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt want to believe it and just cried and cried until i could
cry nomore.
--That first time, how it happened was
my great grandfather passed away with a heart attack in his
sleep. i found out by listening to a telephone conversation at my
grandparents house
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that the memorial service was very short and throwing his ashes on
the ocean water
--What I think my (untied states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i come from a mix background and in one culture we cry and blame
them for leaving. the other culture we celebrate the deaths and
are happy that they went on to a better place so that they are no
longer suffering
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
if i miss him i can remember all the good times that we had and i
can go and sit on a beach somewhere and think of him
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i got support from my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that they are no longer here when you would come home
and call the family that they used to live with
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
always think of the good things that they did while they were
with us.
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
always get your health checked and live your life and dont have
regets
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why couldnt i have more time with him or see him before he passed
away
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i believe that at one time you do need to laugh it lets the
good memories come to light and makes you very better about them
leaving you
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to know that he loved me very much
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
you forget what they sounded like and what they enjoyed doing
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how he would go out of his way for his family
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
it happens you miss the one that doesnt get to see you grow up or
you cant spend time with
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
probably die an other way
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they should take someone else
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
give up
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
no that is wasnt true
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they didnt know that much then and have made a long journey to
where they are now
--Regarding MONEY:
none didnt leave any money
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was only family on a boat
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
sad
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
it was hard for him to breath and get to different spots in the house
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
thinking about memories and crying it all out
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
nope never happen to me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
not understanding what death was and what illness that would take
someones life
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Wed May 23 21:54:49 2007
F20 in Hesperia, CA =U.S.A=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psychology 110
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Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 1/2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease; Aged: about 56.
--Details:
He was at a valentines day dance at his church with his wife and
he loved to dance. So my aunt and him were dancing and he felt
real tired and sat on a chair and leaned over and died. My uncle
was due for a surgery that month andf they didnt detect any heart
problems and yet he died from a heart disease. He left behing him
a daughter and and a very ill wife of diabetes.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the loss of someone. there existence is gone
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very scared and confused.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my Uncle who i was very close to. He called me his second
daughter.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My grandmas screams for her daughters sorrow.
--What I think my (U.S.A) culture needs to better learn about death is:
unnexpected, it can happen anytime, anywhere and to anyone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
He has no more pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that i was helping my aunt and my cousin cope.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing he wasnt coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
think positive...
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
went on so amny wonderful trips with him and all the knowledge and
faith he had in the LORD. He was the most giving man, but also the
most hardest man.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why didnt the doctors diagnose the heart disease after all those
blood tests he went through for the prep of his back surgery.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It wasnt a laugh of joy it was a laugh of amazement of how this is
really happening
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to my uncle about whatever he asked me to talk to him about...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Go on all the wonderful trips and how he gave me wonderful memorys.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
they had the funeral....there was so many people there. Even the
people who didnt like him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
How old he was
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize hes gone forever
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It woukld change my whole life amybe for the better or maybe for
the worse.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why didnt they find the diesease
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
join him in heaven
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cant beleive it....is it really happening right here right now?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
its just some of them are not very good at all
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The world
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had a out of body experience. i was rollerskating down this big
hill and tripped and rolled on the street, but i was watching myslef
roll down the street hill and saw the car that almost ran me over.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I feel him helping me be strong for my aunt
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
my main concern was my aunt and my cousin.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Sat May 26 07:11:50 2007
F39 in Philadelphia, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More personal info:
I just wish someone had undeniable proof of an afterlife so I can
be at peace with death.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 28 Years ago.
Cause of Death: drugs; Aged: 19.
--Details:
I was younger and it took a while to sink in but I felt I had to
be strong for my parents. Seeing them go through that was terrible.
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--Death Is:
Ceasing to exist any more. The end for us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in denial for a day or so, then began to worry about it happening
to others close to me and even me
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my brother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I lost a brother and both parents, all at different times. With each
death my fears became greater about dieing, especially because I
have no belief that there is anymore than this. If I knew that I'd
see these people I loved so much again, as well as my children when
they go, it would be much easier for me to accept.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not sure.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Nothing about death made me feel grateful.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I didn't need that. Everyone I know believes there is more than
this and I don't.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not knowing if there is more after you die and not knowing if you
will ever see your loved ones again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Its important because I don't think anyone should be alone when
they die. They need to feel comfort and love up til the last breath.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I DO call it regret, because for me it is. I was at the hospital
every morning to be with my mom. She was sick, but we didn't expect
her to die. This one particular day I slept in and decided to go
to breakfast w/ my brother and husband. I got a call from the
hospital on the way to breakfast and turned around. When I got
there they were working on reviving her. I was in total shock.
It was surreal. This could not be happening! I was absolutely
devastated. I felt horrible for not being there with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
N/A
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am still not over my parents. I think about them every day
and still get teary eyed, especially at my kids' sports events or
graduations when I know the two of them would have been so proud
of my kids.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I do this all the time, just imagine them if they were here for
this event, or to see so-and-so do this and what would they think
about this, etc.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Its just not fair to make people suffer with a horrible illness
like cancer. I hear that word and I cringe every time. Its the
monster in my closet. It took my parents well before they should
have gone...they had a zest for life and so much life in them.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see them or talk to them or get some kind of sign from them that
they are with me and I will see them again one day
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
For my brother's death, I actually thought it was a bad joke, then
it sunk in a day later. My dad's death hit me as soon as I got
to the hospital right after he passed and I was upset that I could
not have been there for his final breath. Same thing with my mom.
I felt I should have been there with her holding her hand instead
of her being there with total strangers in a cold hospital room.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Little to me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Was a catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The smugness of my sister-in-law. She never spoke to my mom and
when she was at the funeral, she was smiling and joking with people.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Just knowing they were never going to be around anymore.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I was close with them up to the very end. No bad issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Give me a sign when you get there!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
WHere my kids would go if my husband and I both were gone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I fear dying. Period. I guess more so right now because I have
kids and I would hate to leave them while they are this young.
Any time is a bad time as far as I am concerned, but right now I
feel this would be the worst time to go.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was fun and crazy and always made people laugh. Loved her kids
more than anything in this world.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Fear of Death
I don't deal well with the thought of death...most of my family is
gone and I worry every day if it will be my turn today
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
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Tue May 29 08:31:45 2007
F55 in bentonville, ar =us=
Name: Cindy
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More personal info:
DO NOT Share email address DO NOT post my email on line
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 82.
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--Death Is:
leaving pain and sickness and meeting God
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
grieved for a very long time.
--That first time, how it happened was
grandfather had cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the griefing. I thought I was prepared to loose my father. He was
my best firend and three months later, I cannot cope.
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it will happen. To everyone. No matter how much we love someone,
there is always that chance that we will have to bury them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the last week of my dad's life and the conversations we had even
though he was on morphine and did not talk rational.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my daughters and I grieve together. My church family has helped.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Feeling that I had to find him and talk to him and no matter where
I looked or where I went I could not.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
sit and listen.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he would leave.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
discuss death. We never talked about the cemetary, funeral plans,
insurance. He knew he had cancer and yet we didn't discuss any of
these important things.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
sit and listen.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the nurse said he would not pass until we let him go. I had done
that but my daughter had not. My two daughters were the closest
people on earth. One of my daughter told him goodbye, and that we
would be ok. He passed away shortly after that.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Everyone thought he would get better. When he laughed from the
morphine people thought he was getting better. I knew he was not. He
never said he was in pain, but I could tell by looking at him and
I would ask for medicine for him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
constantly.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be there for him, helping him more and he would be living
with me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He was sick for 12 years yet never told me until near the end. He
should have let me go through this with him. His grandkids aren't
married, it's not far that he will never get to see his great
grandkids and they won't know what a wonderful person he was.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
the nurse told me he was gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
hospice was not involved.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having friends for prayer and to talk to
--Religious Affiliation:
Assembly of God
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
God was there. God was in control.
--Regarding MONEY:
I cannot find any insurance and I have not been able to pay for
his funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I became ill with vertigo minutes before the service. I spend the
entire serivce vomiting. I could hear but I missed the service. I had
to be taken to the hospital and did not get to go to the cemetary.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I did read the hospice signs of dying and my father progressed
almost detail for detail.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it will never end. I lost my dad, my best friend, my daughters best
friend, their grandfather and the only positive male figure that
they ever knew.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
The last week of his life he was heavily medicated and didn't know
anyone or actually what he was saying. Yet, he talked everyday
to someone that had passed before him. For five days, each day,
he visited with, had conversation out loud, went places in his
mind with these loved ones that had passed away. It seemed like
he was telling me where he was going, who with and it would be ok.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
He was my best friend. For 55 years there was never an arugement
or fuss.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would thank him again for being the most wonderful father. I
would discuss his death and arrangments.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My father had asked for DNR.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have told my girls about my plans for death.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Died trying
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What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
It would have been wonderful if people would have brought food.
Only one of my daughters and myself live together and I assume people
thought we didn't need it. I was ill and did not feel like cooking.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
IT has helped me somewhat with the severe grief.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
It would be better to see them all instead of answering them and
then seeing a question that fit the answer better.
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Wed May 30 14:07:51 2007
F23 in hesperia, CA =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
a term project for developmental psychology
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Prof/Studies: CMA CERTIFICET
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More personal info:
i did all the questions. it made me think of things i had forgotten
and stengthend my views. if you want to post some or all i don't
mind you might want to spell check it.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Unknown Person, Years ago.
Cause of Death: hit by a truck; Aged: mid 30's.
--Details:
my grandfather and i were at the gas station when a loud scream came
about. my grandfather left me in the car and went to the sound. i
was about 15 and i grabed the keys to the car i was worried my
papa needed my help. when i got there the scen was ovious. the
man who screamed was hit by a car as he was riding on his bike. he
was hespanic and was speaking in his native language so i did not
understand him. i just heald his head in my lap and rocked him
back and forth hoping he would survive. we just keeped talking to
him and telling him it would be ok. by the time the amblience got
there he had died in my arms. my heart felt broken and my breath
short. on the way home we said no words just our thoughts hung in
the air. when i got home i took a long shower and went to bed. i
was sad and scard i watched his eyes dim and the light seemed to
leave. like what was in him left his body.
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--That first time, how it happened was
I was about 5yers old and it was my mothers grandmother whom she
was very close with, that had died. i rememmber following my mother
into the kitchen because the phone was ringing. when she picked up
the phone i rememmber her going from a smile to a blank stair. it
took a while but she started to yell at the person on the other
end of the phone. she held onto a chair and cried and cried she
keeped saying "why, why" i can still piture and hear my mother
clearly that day was important because i found out what death was
and seeing my mother; the strong confident worman, like that made
me realize that not only was she human but that there were things
in this world that could hurt me. i also realized that things could
happen to someone where they could never came back from.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its not like the movies were someone dies and its all blood and
guts. its quiet and moves slowly. i beleve in god and jesus and
angles so to me when you die its beautifull it maby scary because
your life is ending. and a new unknown life begins. the unknown is
always scary, however if you keep positive and believe, you will be
fine. and besides what is the harm in believing in something good??
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
because the pain that i cant just go and see them i have had more
people in my life die than i care to think about. and sometimes you
forget that you can die to that your lights will go out. deth is so
scary because if someone you love dies then you lose them no more
kisses no more hugs. no more nagging or yelling. everything just
stops and you are left here to fend for yourself once again. you
think about all the ideas about death and what scientific thing
you might know to put in this writing project. however i realized
that i don't know. i have no clue, i know its painfull, and makes
you want to have some crazy power to make them come back, but all
i can do is trust god and the promis he laide out in jesus. thats
all i got my god my jesus. and with that i am happy.
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How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Wed May 30 16:53:05 2007
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 46.
--Details:
it was a sudden death that no one saw coming.
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--Death Is:
what occurs when God has decided that you have done everything you
needed to do. that you have served your purpose in life and are
ready to go and accompany him in heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i didnt understand why people had to die. i couldn't understand
why this was happening to us. I was filled with saddness.
--That first time, how it happened was
the death was of my grandfather. i came to be involved when my
grandma called my parents and my parents told me and my sisters
that he was being taken to the hospital.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain that everyone was feeling and the disbelief in everyone's
eyes. i remember the hurt and pain in my families faces and eyes.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that this is not a time to dwell but to remember all the good times
and that it is a time to forgive this person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
for learning not to take everything for granted and always let
everyone know what your feelings towards them are.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my families support and love. also being able to pray and just know
that he had gone to a better place.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to remember the good times and the last time i had seen him
and wishing that i still could see him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
always give support don't make it about yourself.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
now do not take things for granted.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i heard that my grandpa was being taken to the hospital and he was
really doing bad. I didn't understand how all this could have just
happened out of no where.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was because i was thinking of moments we had together.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him and show him how much i cherished our
relationship.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the special relationship i had with him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i was able to be happy regardless of what was happening around me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who was inheriting all his belongings.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see old pitures of me and him i feel as if it just happened.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that some people die when they are so young they haven't lived
their life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time and bring all my loved ones back and
take away the pain.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't believe it this is not happening. how could this be happening??
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i look at them as people who just do their job but nothing more.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot we would pray a lot and wish that he were taken in the wings
of God.
--Religious Affiliation:
the same i still worship God in the same ways.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like i know that my grandfather is in better hands now and in a
better place. i feel more at peace.
--Regarding MONEY:
my grandma would now have to live on her own and manage rent and
other expenses on her own now.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how much all the people loved him.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to adapt to the fact that no longer will he be around when
we visit our grandma and now he would no longer be there at family
gatherings.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
nothing was present because this death came to us as a surprise
unannounced.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was hard but i managed and thought to myself that i rather them
pass away then go through all this pain.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
have happened to me and my family and other relatives. i deeply
believe these visits are real.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
sorry not that i know of.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i feel like i can let his memory go and move on with out any
regrets or unresolved issures i had always been very loving and
caring with him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would ask how it was like now and how was he feeling. i would
love to just sit and talk about what was going on in my life and
his life. this maybe would make me a little more sad because i
wouldn't want him to go away after.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
many times after the death my grandma would experience my someone
lying in her bed. she would feel someone come in and lay in bed
with her.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
your love and thought for others should always be remembered and
honored. always take care of your love for others.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would not like to kno when i was going to die because i feel like
i would live in fear of that moment. i would rather live life and
not be expecting death and fearing it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
this was a kind person loved by many disliked by few. she was loved
and card about. she never held a grudge and always was willing to
give a second chance.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i have just kept myself busy with things and i also have confided
my feelings in prayer.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i have now have begon to experience life with a little more
enthusiasm.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i didnt really form any new friendships.
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i tried and reached out to my family and let them know i was there
if they needed me. i was there just to be a shoulder to cry on.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i liked this survey because a lot of the questions were questions
that could apply to everyone. it made me re-think about of things
and get a better understanding of why things may happen.
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See Apr 07 contributions.
See Mar 07 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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