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See Current contributions.
See Feb 06 contributions.
See Dec 05 contributions.
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Thu Jan 26 06:04:22 2006
F40 in Ottawa, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Debbie
Email: <myhealingamethyst.at.hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
wanted the definition of BARDO and simply did a word search
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Prof/Studies: Training Assistant
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Nothing in particular. Learning about Angels and spiritualism has
taught me about death and has taught me not to fear it.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 22 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 18.
--Details:
From what i understand, he was drinking and driving.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like going from one body to another. The body that we are currently
occupying will not longer serve us, therefore, we exchange it for a
brand new one. This new body will live with a new family and start
life fresh.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
learned that life is to be lived to the fullest but not to the
point where you could cause your own premature death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sadness that affects everyone who loves you. A little bit of
you dies inside when you lose someone from a tragic death.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It`s not the end. It is a new phase in our existance.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
we should all live for the moment. We never know what could
happen. Tell those around you that you love them every day, because
it could be your last time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends, because we went through it together.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing the friend we lost.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to assure them that you will be there for those who are left
behind. you will take care of them and help them through the grief.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals
i don`t think i totally understood the significance of dying. it
didn`t seem like such a bad thing to me at the time.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Sat Jan 21 20:43:27 2006
F42 in Stonewall, La =USA=
Email: <cscar912.at.aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Business Owner
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More personal info:
Trying to make since of tragedy & death.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, today Hours ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 18.
--Details:
He was my daughter's very close friend from school and the drama
team/ they had just been hanging out at April's house at 11:30p.m
and he left to go home and hit a pudle of water in the rain, his
truck hydroplaned throwing him out of the window because he was
notwearing a seat belt. He was a good kid. There was no alcohol
invovled. When a passerby found him in a field next to Mansfield
Rd. he had no pulse and was airlifted to a hospital where he was
pronounced brain dead. My daughter waw with him until his parents
removed him off of life support at 8:00a.m this morning 1/21/06when
he died. We still have the funeral to attend. My daughter is very
upset along with her best friends. April (also James girlfriend)
and Haley and he drama team and the hole school.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
to me, the passing from this life to the next life. I am a christian
and believe in God and heaven and Hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
When I really felt death was when I was 10 years old and my girl
cousin leslie died she was 14 years old. She was walking with her
girlfriend to the store to get an icee and they were both killed
when they stepped in a puddle of water with downed powerline
which electrecuted both of them killing them
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My dad died in 2002 from a massive heart atack. He had 95% blockage
in his heart and was put on life support . He lived 4 months in the
hospital. I watched him suffer with a feeding tube, it really took
it's toll on my health and family life. He died at age 66.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Our culture is so fast paced, if it was not for church and the
bible i read, I would be so lost. Our culture needs to bring back
religion in schools and society, I t helps most people deal with
death beter. We have become a pagan society. We need to give people
coping skills for this. The church does this well.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother and two sisters and myself became closer, I was able to
keep my faith in God and Heaven even thru watching my father suffer
on life support 4 months. Death is not pleasant but a reality we
all must face in our life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I didn't really deal with it well, I complained alot about it to
my husband and children, slept alot and listened to music, Music
is good therapy for me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My father left my mother behind to fend for herself in this world,
she looks like alittle lost puppy sometimes without him. it breaks my
heart. My little sister is 25 and isn't married or has kids yet. I
was hoping my dad would live long enough to see that. Accepting
the person you love is gone. Thats been hard for us.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make time for that special person, my dad was hooked up to life
support for 4 months no food, could not move, but he loved seeing
us and talking to us, Please take the time to be there, even if ou
are busy, I do not regret any minute I had with him before he died.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I have been able to comfort others in their losses. I don't
understand why our family had to suffer. I know I'm ot alone in
this matter.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Like today when my daughter's good friend only 18 yrs. old died. They
were all having a good time just hanging out at a friends house,
and then after he leaves to go home at 11:30p.m he dies in a car
accident, because he wasn't wearing his seat belt, I guess I am
still in shock, having a hard time believing that he is really gone
from us.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Yes, we would laugh, going up to the ICU unit to visit my dad
sometimes we would listen to a Jess Deplantis tape and laugh our
heads off, My mother was the worst one, I felt alittle guilty about
it and also being able to leave the hospital while my dad was pinned
to the the bed with hoses and tubes everywhere.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Make him change. he needed to stop smoking he had been a smoker for
along time and did not want to quit. I kept telling him it was bad
for his health. Why do people do things that they know is bad for
them, smoking, not wearing seatbelts? etc...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for my mother and little sister, I had a business where
I could take off and drive 5 hours every two weeks to be with my
family in Houston T.X. I am grateful for that.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My dad died on Halloween night right after my little sister Ashley
and my niece Gabby came to visit him and show him their costumes. He
motioned them to leave because he knew he was going to die that
night and didn't want them to see it. He was buried on his birthday
Nov 4, 2002.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
My mother's inlaws got upset at the house after the funeral because
neighbors and friends were laughing at the wake. They were not their
everyday for 4 months, what right do they have to judge my mother,
because there was some laughter going on. It was a stressful event.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
like today when we lost James in a car accident, it has brought back
all of the old feelings bakc. Why, why was it james? I wish I could
understand the big picture better. I am dealing with my daughters
grief and the grief of all his little friends from school. I 'am
dreading the funeral and facing his greiving parents.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My mother said she saw my father in a dream one night, he
was wearing a glowing white shirt and told her not to be sad,
that he was okay. She could feel his arms around her when she
was laying there in bed. My niece Adreianne said she felt pepa
pull her ponytail in the garage, like he use to do when she was
little. It's good that we feel these things.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when a teenager dies, like James. why, why, why, But then i remember
the bible says that God is soverign and we mortal humans are not
to ask why, but accept our outcome.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bury my head in the covers, i don't want to go to another teenagers
funeral, but i know I must go and face reality once again with
other greiving people.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
why me, why my dad! wh this person, or why that person!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Respect. I am grateful to St. Luke's hospital in Houston for trying
their best to save my father. but at the sametime I am mad because of
some of the neglect that went on, and watching my loved one suffer,
they would not take him off life support and that was hard for our
families to watch.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
good when my mother inlaw died of cancer, she died at home with
hospice, she died with respect and dignity, and without a whole
lot of suffering due to the morpine they kept her comfortable up
until the end.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My faith is God has helped me but there was times when nothing
helped accept my music. Church keeps me positive, gives me hope in
another life. I pray that this is true, that there is a heaven and
life eternal.
--Religious Affiliation:
Southern Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
international.
--Regarding MONEY:
when my fathers insurance was up he died at the hospital, How
ironic! (two million dollar policy) you think they could have been
keeping alive because he had good insurance?
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We gave our dad a military funeral, and a 21 gun salute, he was
a veteran.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the laughter was out of character at my dads funeral, but I think
was needed.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I wish we had laws to freeze our loved ones while they were still
alive. so they could be unfrozen at a later time in history, and
brought back to life, LIke cryonics.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I realize that there are different stages of greiving, i myself have
already had ovarian cancer and had a large malignant tumor removed
out of my ovary, I have had to face my mortality, I now know how
precious life is, I have been given a chance to live while others
have not, and I am grateful for that.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mom saw my father in a dream, my niece felt her grandpa. My sister
saw her great grandfather standing at the foot of the bed. These
sightings were saw and felt.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My daughter said she felt like something bad was going to happen
to her freind right before he died. I told her that he loved
her. Sometimes people kind of know, and let their loved ones know
that they love them before they pass on.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am angry with him for leaving us.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell that person i love them and I miss them. Like my
grandpa, and dad.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother Edith, saw her little sister in her yard wearing
a yellow dress she was 5 yrs old when she died. My mother saw my
father in a dream wearing a glowing white shirt. My sister saw my
greatgrandfather at the foot of her bed he died in the 1950's. my
niece felt my dad pull her ponytail.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I recently just had a will written up concerning my wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes alot, I have had cancer, think about it often
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Here lies the nut shell, the nut has gone to heaven!
I would hope
people thought I was a good mother and friend
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I like to daydream about my father, i think about him very often.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think about what would my dad say about this or that. he still
has alot of influence in my life even though he died.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I think in my daughter's case her friend who just passed on from
a car accident has made her and her two girlfriends closer, I see
them becoming closer because of this tragedy.
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How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
myfaith in God
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think I have helped my peers in the loss of their parents. I can
do this now.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am grateful I found your website. I think it will help speed up
the greiving process alittle.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think it was good. God Bless Your Efforts, Lynn
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Wed Jan 25 19:59:23 2006
F25 in tyler, texas =usa=
Name: amy
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: ALS; Aged: 56.
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--Death Is:
the exit of this world to be present with Christ
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Thu Jan 12 23:12:15 2006
F30 in Longview, TX =USA=
Name: Chelsea
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Homemaker
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More personal info:
There is no wrong way to grieve as long as you allow your emotions
to flow free.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Plane Crash; Aged: 15.
--Details:
My uncle was piloting the plane, and my cousin, along with her best
friend and her best friend's father were occupants on the plane. My
cousin was burned over 100 percent, the other three were burned over
95 percent. This was my aunt's only child and she was recovering
from her hystorectomy at the time of the accident. This cousin was
born when I was 10 years old and was the first baby I ever held,
first diaper I ever changed, first bay I had ever babysat. Over
the years I helped my aunt raise her, due to my aunt being a single
parent. She and I were very close, and had started a tradition. I
was present when she was born, she was present when my first child
was born. My oldest child was the first expirience with a baby
just likeme with her. She had planned for my daughter (my oldest)
to be there to witness her first born as our tradition.
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--Death Is:
a permanent absence of an aquaintance, friend or loved one due to
halting of the body process from aging, disease or from a violent
crime or unforseeable accident.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
sobbed and was barely coherent.
--That first time, how it happened was
Natural causes.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the need to be usefull and the drive to stay busy and occupied so
that I could help my family get through it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to learn to just hold someone and let them cry, or just listen,
because there are times that nothing you can possibly say is going
to make the situation any better.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
some deaths can unite a community of strangers, inspire faith where
there was none, lend encouragement to some to follow a better road,
spark lifetime and meaningful relationships and even teach difficult
or valuable lessons.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
to look at it as a slow moving process toward healing instead of
the emotional rollercoaster people make it out to be. Yes it is an
emotional ordeal, but more of a journey than a rollercoaster. It
is a great comfort to know that at the end of every journey there
is a home.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting that no matter how bad I wanted to fix my aunt's pain and
make it all better, that I had no power to do so. I had to accept
that and move forward with her one day, one emotional step through
her grieving process at a time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen. Find out what they will miss the most, regret they did not
do or the time, place, thing, or person that brought them the most
peace and joy in the past and try to recapture that for them so
that they can pass in peace and contentment if at all possible.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized how unique we are as humans, even in the way we deal with
death or refusal to deal with death. I even observed how others
not directly affected by a death treat those that are and opened
my eyes to how callous we can be at those times. We tend to avoid
those in mourning for lack of things to say, fear of hurting them
unintentionally, or just plain apathy. I will never do any of those
things ever again after this expirience.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my aunt questioned why a loving God would allow her baby to die such
a horrible death. I had no answer and none of our biblical resources
afforded an answer either. I still to this day, five years later,
do not have any logical or reasonable answer to that question.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I had no urge to laugh, nor did I, all I could focus on was keeping
it together so that we all made it through without a family fued.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be at her best friends birthday party the night before the accident,
just to hug her and tell her how much I loved her and how much joy
she brought into my life. To see her sweet smile that one last time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep my family from falling apart and sane. Although, I have to
wonder about my sanity these days.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my aunt gathered some soil from the crash site. She still has it,
and for her knowing that was the last piece of soil my cousin
ever touched brings her more comfort than a million expressions of
sympathy from the community.It allows her to still feel close or
even connected to my cousin.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to keep a scheduled pace for my aunt's grieving process. What they
did not realize at the time was there is NO SCHEDULED PACE. You just
feel and live one day to the next with the hope that the next feeling
you have is not as hopeless as the one the day before. Realizing
that the pain never goes away totaly is a very important factor
too. It eases but never completely leaves, and that takes a long
time to accept.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at my daughter and see so much of my cousin in her features,
her habits or her personality that it breaks my heart that they
will never know each other like she and I did.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be warm and beautifull, with lots of water and children
laughing and playing, but flawed because of the absence of all the
other people in my life that I love just as much. She would not
want that for any of us.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that some one so sweet, loving,smart and unselfish is gone and we are
left with people that have no regard for life or love or anyone but
themselves. It is so unfair to the people that never had a chance to
know her, and that she might have influenced or changed their lives.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back to that day and keep her from getting on that plane, beg,
cry, plead or threaten to keep her from going. Even if it only gave
us one more day, it would be worth it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
this has got to be a nightmare, it's not real, I am going to wake
up and see her and she will laugh at how silly I am for having
this dream.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect, there was nothing that could be done. They spoke to and
answered my families questions with great care and sensitivity as
well as proffessionalism.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
keeping our faith strong so that we might be reunited with our
loved ones when our time to leave comes.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are all born with the ability to determine right from wrong,
and that ability with our possesion of free will is what religion
was based on, and that a higher power created and guides us through
those choices daily.
--Regarding MONEY:
some companies and businesses just did not seem to keep track
of thier information and documents recieved from us concerning
the deaths of our loved ones. It became so bad that one company
literally hounded my aunt, even though she was not the executor
of her exhusbands estate and had faxed all of the proper documents
and information pertaining to the estate.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the outpour of emotion from the community, it was surreal. We
never expected that many in attendance and were ill prepared for
the magnitude of it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when I saw the news report of the crash on the nine o'clock news
and I could not tear my eyes away. It did not really seem all that
strange until I got the call from my aunt at midnight telling me
what had happened.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
n/a
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am still grieving due to delaying my process to keep my aunt
going on hers.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My cousin came to me in a dream. We were in an ice cream parlor just
off a beach. SHe was wearing a bikini bathinsuit in material like the
American Flag. She spoke to me about not coming by to visit enough
and how she missed me. She suggested I come by and we could watch
a movie and maybe spend the night. I agreed, and she hugged me,
kissed my cheek and started walking away. SHe turned back and said
"See you there." It moved me so much that I rented a movie, bought
some popcorn and went to spend the night with my aunt. I am so glad
I did. My aunt was heavily medicated at the time and fell asleep
in her bed, propped up by her pillows with a lit cigarette in her
mouth. I moved in with her the next day because I was terrified she
was going to burn herself and the house to the ground one night. I
now believe in visions.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talk to her and I don't care how crazy I look or sound. I just
let everything pour out and when I am through I feel peaceful.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
Staying strong for others postpones or completely overshadows your
own grieving process.
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Tue Jan 10 10:15:53 2006
F37 in canton, mo =usa=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
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Prof/Studies: pastor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 25 Years ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 60s.
--Details:
She was a diabetic and died from complications to diabetes. She got
sick at
home, was taken to the hosptial, and died there. I was
with her at home, but
was too young to see her at the hospital.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of exisstance in this time and place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared, confused, and hurt.
--That first time, how it happened was
natural death of a grandparent
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the knowledge that this was not the end, but that it was just a
part of who we
are as humans.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We need to be actually present at the dying process. Most people
that I know
are not afraid of death, but afraid of the dying
process.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I knew and loved the person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
coming to terms with my fears. I did it by thinking and working
with peope
who are dying
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss and saddness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
there is a real ministry in just being present. Holding hands,
speaking softly.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
came to accept that we will be together again and that death is
not an ending.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why people have to be in pain as they die. Why it seems to take so
long to
die, especially after the person's spirit (essence??) is
no longer there.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good-bye. Assure them that it's ok to die.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
just be there and be present
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
when the person would breathe in and wait a long time to exhale.
I kept
wondering if this was when they were exhaling on the
other side.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that prayers were said.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
n/a
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
n/a
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
n/a--a fair is where you go for rides, life is not fair
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have the complete answers to what is happening while people die
and what
happens to their spirit after their body dies.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
n/a
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they need more training in dyiing
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am a pastor. So it means a conceptual framework for coping
--Religious Affiliation:
United Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
correct
--Regarding MONEY:
moeny was a dividing force. something to be argued over.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the minister did not know my grandmother and the service was sterile.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I learned to keep track of the BP numbers and the breathing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I ned time away to reflect and come to my own understanding. I know
I am at acceptance when I can share good memories of the person.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no, but I wish I did.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have seen families members unsure of how end of life issues (DNR
etc) so I
have clearly stated (written, too) with my family and
doctor what my wishes
are.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am prepared to die everyday. Necessary paperwork is complete,
final plans
have bee made and I live each day so that I have
no regrets.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Stacey was a faithful servant of God. A loving mother and devoted
wife. She
was kind.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Time away to reflect
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
The change is that I appreciate life, those around me, and see
dying a natural.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I am a pastor and a chaplain at a nursing home. I spend much time
comforting family members of the dying.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
n/\/a
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Sat Jan 7 11:53:51 2006
F33 in =germany=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 4 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 52.
--Details:
He was in hospital for some reason.
We talked on the phone, with
no sign of a coming death or anything at 5 pm. At 7.30 I reached
the hospital happy and in order to see him. But the nurse wouldn't
let me go to him, she said, he had been unwell and so they brought
him to intensive care and his wife was with him now. I went back
home, worrying a lot. at 10 pm a friend called me to tell me he
had died.. As far as I found out he must have suffered a serious
heart attack in hospital. Our last words on the phone had been see
you later. I could not see him anyore. I feel a deep pain and miss
him a lot. As he was not my "official relationship" but officially
just a good friend most people dont understand my sorrow. He meant
so much to me. I lost my Lover and Best friend in one person. I
lost a part of me. Honey, I MISS YOU SO!!!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our earthly being. most of us belive, death is a way to
somewhere else, but nobody knows clearly about it. maybe our dead
just go to a different dimension. invisible for us living. after
our own death we might understand...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 3, my grandpa died. i was sad . in my family nobody really
talked about death and dying and even not about the dead, so very
hard to deal with for me as a kid
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness and emptyness
--What I think my (germany) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to close it out. death is a part of life and the dead should
not be forgotten
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it makes me think about myown life. death of a loved person gives
you a new sight on life and maybe find aóut a little more about
its meaning
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a friend who had also lost a lover some years ago. she gives me space
to be sad, understands and helps me just by being there.
So another
thing to be greatful for is to see, where my friends really are
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never feel him and never have his consolation again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
showing him, you love him and would not leave hiom allone on his way.
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I'm about to learn a lot. about life, about me and about our
relationship. but it's too soon to draw conclusions yet.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i only smiled. i didnt really laugh since he died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye in a better way than "cu later". and to once again
assure him of my love
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
let him go in peace. we had no trouble or argument. i had had the
chance to show him i care and love him and he seemed put trust in
me.. I think I was an important person in his life til the end and
that makes me feel a little good.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the night he died i was in the car on my way to him, i always felt
like taking the phone and calling him, saying i'm on my way to you,
wait for me. but i didnt call him. something always made put the
mobile away again, when i already had it in my hand. i just felt
the need to hurry..though he was absolutely unexpected to die.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about small things we did together. or something happens
that i would like to talk to him about.. there are such a lot
of places that remind me of him cause we had been there together
.. this still makes me cry
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
you left me so suddenly and so early, dear-. we were not finisched
jet.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
look into his eyes
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt at that time i had already known it but didnt want to
realize. it felt just lie a reassurance to what i already seemed
to know. getting this reassurance was when all hope for a happy
ending left and a deep black hole opened
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I m not sure, but i think a heart examination on the day before
he died caused the death. although i always thought, it's better
knowing your enemy (disease) and fighting it i sometimes think,
maybe it had been better, he didnt go to hospital.. im not sure of
myself and my opinion in that concerne
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing in concrete jet. It was there, i was christend but didnt
pay any attention to church. I do belive in a "higher being" in my
country the name of it is god.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
death is not the end
--Regarding MONEY:
nothing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i didnt organize the funeral. his family did. and to me, it
was soulless. it had nothing to do with the man i loved. it was
casual, it could have been anybody elses funeral. i hoped to get
a last glance of him, of his life at the funeral bad was badly
disappointed. for his wife it was just something that had to be
done, it seemed to me. it had nothing of his personality, that
was very hard for me. if i had organised it, it would have been
a big party with all his friends. a day to remember him and share
memories. on the real funeral we were not even invited for a drink,
it just ended on the grave.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there were no medical mileports... but looking back, it seems we
both knew he would leave soon but didnt want to realiz e it. we
talked about death, funerals..but not concrete about his. what
stirred me most was the appearance of a butterfly in my office in
early december. a view days before he died. in celtic belief death
shows in the figuere of a butterfly. usually the dead himself comes
to say good bye as a butterfly. in my case the butterfly came before
death, but i now understand it was a warning. I was shocked to death,
when i first saw it, but afterwards i talked on the phone to my
love found he was alive.. so i thought it was no sign, but it was.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i dont know......
a view days before he died he told me about a
dream he had... making music with jimi hendrix on a meadow.. maybe
that was his invitation to the land of the dead....
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
we seperated in a wonderful emotional closeness. jet still i think i
had liked to give him more, but over all i'm in peace with him. i
could have caused him less sorrow some months nevore he died,
but at least we had the chance to clear it in time. I wish I could
contact him to get his point of view
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
we shared so much that one last conversation wasnt enough. but i
would be calmer, if he could tell me, he's allright and happy being
dead I hope and wish he doesnt feel the same sorrow being seperated
like i do. i wish he could tell me, he's free from sorrow pain and
fear now
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i'm so much waiting for him to come back.
sometimes i feel him in
a song, but i cant witness any kind of contact - maybe i expect to
much and i'm just blind in my sorrow. i cant grab him. but i know
hes there
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
HAve fun at my funeral. remember me - hope you find some good things
to remember about me and don't forget me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
right now, i'm not at all afraid, i'm looking foreward to seeing
him again. short after his death (and even sometimes now) i found
myself saying, come and take me with you, dont leave me behind. I
just hope he'll be there and take my hand when i have to go.
But
i'm also aware that, the more I return to normal life, the lighter
this feeling gets. I hope I can recall it, when i have to go. At
the moment I woulnt feel any fear at all, i would just feel sorry
to leave my kids and husband and cause sorrow to them.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would like people to remember warmth and love from me. other
things are only little pieces in a puzzle and not important.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i have lots of mails we wrote. i often read them and get good
feeling of these times.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no new but an old friendship, wich becomes very close again these
days and helps me a lot.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I always helped people and tried to be there, when friends needed
me. and so will do in future.
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Wed Jan 4 10:16:39 2006
F50 in burlington, , vermont =usa=
Name: carolyn
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: renal failure; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our life spark goes out and our body functions stop
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was astonished that someone I knew would actually die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying! (cats, not humans; what does that tell you!)
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we may be going nowhere. Why wait 'til the "next, better
life"? Weird!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
memories
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about person/cat
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my cats were gone permanently
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let the griever talk about s/he who died.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to make the decision to put my cats down.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have everyone live so long!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
getting together afterwards and talking about person and looking
at photos
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
same as above
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wow!I'll never see him again...I guess.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried!They're not God, after all.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
squat.
--Religious Affiliation:
past- brought up as a Congregationalist. Then moved on to
Agnosticism, now Atheism.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
sensible.
--Regarding MONEY:
wills.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how formal the ceremony always is. How quiet.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
lots of unresolved, but don't feel that it's really important. just
make sure that i am civil always to everyone so that after deaths
I don't say, "Oh,if only I..."
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my cats all were there for a couple of days after their deaths. I
could feel them. Then they weren't. But they're here when I talk
to them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd say that I have about 25 years left, which is fine, but a stange,
finite thought. Don't want to prolong my life with oodles of pills!
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Feisty, mouthy, loyal, electic, restless, jumped in where angels
fear to tread.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Memories
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
more open to the spirits living around/with us
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
where do i think that I'd go afterwards? Anywhere? What's my view
on Heaven? Hell? Purgatory?
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Tue Jan 3 20:58:48 2006
F43 in Queensland =Australia=
Name: Jane
Email: <taz11-at-bigpond.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Student Nurse doing a paper on Palliative Care
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Prof/Studies: Student Nurse
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death and Dying. Denial of the soul. A Good Death.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler Ross. ????
T. Patrick Hill and David Shirley
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Pulmonary Oedema/ and a Toxicity. Alcoholic; Aged: 38yrs.
--Details:
confusing as their was to have been an inquest but the coroner
changed his mind. My brother had somehow ended up with 27 bruises
on his body that were not there the day before and no-one was able
to give an explanation. Have allways felt that there was some sort
of foul play involved.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Moving to another level of consciousness. a place of no fear or pain,
a place of beuty up in the heavens with our Saviour.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was shocked. Went into orgonisational mode so that I could make
arrangements for my children to be cared for while I travelled
south for cremation sevice and to say my final good-bye
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
A lot of humour was used
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
????
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
With my mother I litterally felt the prescence of God, the peace
and tranquility was unimaginable. She had a good death.'m so glad
that I had the privelige to be there with her
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My faith in God. Being able to talk about it all with just about
anyone
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to realy talk about it with any family members. That
was with each of the family deaths. I did't have a problem talking
about it but others did. Just shows how much people diiffer with
their grief. Humour was a big thing with one of my brothers, but
that was about all. There was not realy any serious talk.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just being. Touch is very special. I have learnt that the sense
of touch is the last thing to leave when a person dies. Letting
them know that it is ok to go is also important, and showing your
love. touch to me is the most important and I practice that alot
working in aged care. Love has a way of being felt through touch,
the energy is picked up by the dying. They may be unconscious but
their spirit is allways awake and receptive.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Mother, Father, Brother. Don't be affraid to be with them if possible
when they are dying.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Could not understand how my brother got all the bruises, and why
the coroner cancelled the inquest.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Let what your feeling out. It is the your bodies copping mechanism
setting in.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Don't know.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be able to say goodbye.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The peace that surrounded my mother when she departed from this
earth.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't know
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It is a special occasion. Their birthdays, ANZAC day, Christmas
and New Year, and other times of just sweet memories.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I often dream that my mum is still alive. My dad sometimes and my
brother rarely. Have trouble understanding that one. The dreams
are not allways nice ones concerning my mum, they can get a bit
freaky. Sometimes I dream that she is dead and that she is lying in
the morgue, then the next moment she is alive again. I also dream
of a place where her ashes have been place, it is a lovely spot
and it's like a zoo area, what confuses me is that her ashes were
scattered in the ocean, but for some reason I go to this place,
my brothers ahes are there also, but he too had his ashes scattered.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
My brother was so young, and had so many issues in his life. i
don't believe that he got the support that he should have.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
No issues here.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Father. I had only spoken to him a few days prior so I did not
believe what I was being told. (Denial)
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Contentmant regarding my mother and father, but not too impressed
with the coroner regarding my brother.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Both parents were terminal. My father we didn't know about. My
mother , I was informed of the cancer 3weeks before she died. The
staff were all wonderfull at the hospital where she stayed.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A great support network. They didn't preach at me or anything like
that. A friend spent a few hours with me beside my mum the final
day and we sang songs, lots of them. It was lovely. The friend that
was with me when mum died was a great support just by being their
and we prayed.
--Religious Affiliation:
Assemblies of God. Am not affiliated with any religious organisation
now.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
You feel their spirit (that inner person) litterally leave the
persons body. Death is a very spiritual time.
--Regarding MONEY:
Did not occur.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was the last goodbye. The last time to see and touch my loved
ones.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't know.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Being fully informed by the staff of what to expect durring the
final stages. What certain sounds were and so on. Being left in
privacy with my mum .
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I wouldn't changer a thing about those final hours with my mother.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
When you die you stay dead. Sometimes Angels will come in the form
of that loved one to bring peace, but I don't believe they would
actually be that loved one.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No information or understanding on this topic. Believe it may
be possible.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
No different.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Did not occur. Only dreams but their were no messages or anything
like that.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Rights and wishes of the dying should be honoured unless they are
illigal. This can be a grey area for many families as they can not
all agree on what should or should not happen. The dying persons
wishes are what they want, that is why they are theirs and not
ours. We should not make our decissions based on what we want,
They should be based on what the dying person wants.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
At peace with my own mortality but I am not ready to leave yet. I
realy don't know how it would effect me if I was informed of
impending death. It would be a time of mixed emotions, but I would
want to know.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Jane, Daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother and friend. Allways
the practical joker, but there when needed in the bad times. A
compassionate person especially when carring for the dying and
their family and friends. It will be a quiet place without her.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking and laughing a lot.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Have a strong desire to care for the dying when I finish my nursing
studies.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Acceptance
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
A sounding board. Someone that will listen and not judge. Everyone
grieves differently and we should take that into account.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
There were more questions than I thought, but oh well that's the way
things go sometimes. At least I know that I still seem to go along
with the same thought process that I have had for many years. It's
all good.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Not sure.
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See Dec 05 contributions.
See Nov 05 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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