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Wed Aug 24 01:40:17 2005
F44 in Surprise, Arizona =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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    Prof/Studies: editor
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: .

--Details: 
     Mooshie developed cancer, and the vets told me I should do chemo,
which I did, and it was horrible, and he ended up dying a terrible,
painful death. I so regret that I abdicated responsibility for my
own beloved cat, and just blindly relied upon the advice of the vets.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of being here. Maybe the end of being.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how my grandfather comforted me when I came home and found out that
my grandmother had died. Also, several years later, being alone
on Christmas (my grandmother's birthday) and feeling compelled to
play Solitaire, which I never do but which she did every night,
and winning...over and over and over.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's not the worst thing in the world.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     feeling the presence of those who have died.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     nothing. Myself.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the fear/wonder of what lies ahead.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Fight like hell for drugs. Serious drugs.
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     told off his doctor for having blown me off when I insited there
was a serious problem. I can only hope the doctor took my venting
to heart and that, from then on, he listened more seriously when
family members said there was something wrong.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I realized I had no freaking idea of what to do to help my cat. Put
him to sleep, despite the vets saying he was doing great (although
I felt otherwise)? Just follow their advice? I ended up doing the
totally wrong thing (just following their advice) because it was
easy. And I'll never forgive myself for that.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     After the huge stress of dealing with my grandfather's illness
and death, I could not stop laughing when the funeral guy showed
up to discuss the funeral. His name was Grimstone, and that just
struck me so funny, I seriously could not stop laughing. I'm sure
he thinks I'm nuts.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     have been there when my grandmother died. Have had more backbone and
put my wonderful cat to sleep before he died a horrible death. Have
either insisted that my father-in-law go the hospital the minute I
saw him or NOT insisted that he go at all. He didn't want to go. I
waited too long to make him go, and by then it was too late.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     uh...
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     everybody around me took my hearbreak at the death of my cat
seriously. My boss even sent me flowers (after having been incredibly
lenient with my schedule for months). Everybody was so respectful.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     don't know

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think about my cat. All the time.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     Good question. I'd like to think that if my cat hadn't developed
cancer yet, I'd handle it better when he did. But without having
learned that lesson, I don't know that I would handle it any better
than I did.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     ...that euthenasia is not available to people in this country,
except in Oregon.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     sleep forever.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was selfish enough to go take a holiday when my grandmother died.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     disdain/frustration.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     My grandfather's hospice was wonderful. He was only there for a
few days before he died, but they were great.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing. The one thing about my grandfather's hospice was, the
head nurse told me that at the end he was calling out for "Mary,"
and I thought, "shyeah, right."
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     nonexistant.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     hopeful, but doubtful.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     not a problem.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     At my grandmother's funeral, some woman coming up and commenting
on what great taste she had and what were we going to do with
her clothes.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Feeling more at peace after my cat died than I had felt for months. I
cried for months, and as soon as he died, I stopped crying.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Physical--mottled skin, a withering away.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     you try to learn from it, because it'll probably happen again.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     As I said earlier, the hospice nurse said my grandfather was calling
out for "Mary," but I think that's crap. I don't think he did that
at all.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     no.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     Never let somebody else take responsiblity for a loved one's death.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     no help.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     As I said earlier, there was a Christmas when I was alone, and I got
a very strong urge to play Solitaire, which my dead grandmother used
to play all the time. And I won, over and over and over. Also, when
I was burying my cat Mooshie in the woods where I grew up, I looked
up and there were four or five deer very close, just watching. I
got the feeling they were there to help Mooshie there in the woods.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     If somebody who's on his last leg gets a bug to travel across the
country to attend a reunion or whatever, and you know the journey
would probably kill him, do it anyway.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Sooner rather than later, and easier rather than harder.

--What might you like your obit to say of you:
     She had great friends, and she had a great life, and none of you
are one bit responsible for her ending it.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     can't think of anything.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
    not that I can think of.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     nope


       - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     no comment


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     no comment

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I believe that "reword" does not require a hyphen.

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Sun Aug 21 03:38:41 2005
Anon  Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  google

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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother-in-Law, not yet --- within days Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack caused by loss of oxygen from clogged trac tube at
home -- irresversible coma;   Aged: 82.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     moving forward into a new existence with our spirit self leaving
the body or shell of ourselves behind

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was protected too much

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the questions and comments of the children

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     to fear it less

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the outpouring of compassion and response when my grandfather died

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my faith and reading as much as possible.  Learning how to help
others cope with and learn from death and find peace with the death
of another person
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     seeing my dad cry
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     let go and tell the dying person it is ok.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     several teens died in my community and I was the teen teacher and
youth leader at my church -- trying to explain and help those kids
was hard and made me learn more about how to help them.


       - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Lack of Awareness 
   
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Mon Aug 15 13:34:07 2005
Anon  Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  lonliness website

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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandSon, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: aspiration;   Aged: .

--Details: 
     he was with other grandparets wheen he passed,felt if i haad been
there i could have helped

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     never seeing them again but knowing they are in heaven

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was young and tried to forget it

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how the death affected my son and our lives.  my son will never be
the same person he was, he distances himseelf from people he loves.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that i had seven weeks with him

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that i had such a short time with him
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     i feel very uncomfortable around someeone dying
 
--[My GrandSon's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     he is in heaven

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     why

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     hold him one more time

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     go on and try to help my son
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     at the cemetary

--Religious Affiliation:
     catholic
 

       - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Dissociation 
     did not know at that time what really happened


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Ability to Forget 
   
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Wed Aug 10 06:11:17 2005
F20 in Lincoln, Nebraska =USA=
Name: Jessie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  searched on google.com

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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown/suicide/overdose accidental;   Aged: 19.

--Details: 
     I can only go by what i've heard from other people. his obituary
didn't mention cause of death. i heard many conflicting ideas about
the cause, from many people who never cared too much about him. So
I am still unsure of the truth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of our physical bodies. The release of our souls to continue
on in our own supposed life after death. whether it be a beautiful
place some believe to exist called heaven, or rebirth as another
person called reincarnation, or the repeat of the life we left;
in order to perfect it again and again, till we reach our final fate.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was numb. I knew it was coming, but I was in denial that it ever did.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My aunt had died after suffering 2 years with brain cancer. I didn't
	really become involved in it, as I didn't really know her well.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the nightmares and the guilt that followed me, and still does today.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Death is inevitable. Sometimes it is a great way to end
suffering. People who are incapacitated and kept alive on life
support only in selfish want of their relatives, shouldn't deserve
such a fate; they are already dead inside. Please. Let them go
peacefully, instead of living out the rest of their lives in torment
and suffering; even thought their minds are gone. It is inhumane.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the chance to actually have known my dear friend, before i lost him
forever. his death made me come to the realization of how dear he
was to me, and always shall remain. you never know what you've got
till it's gone.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     talking with other people didn't help. no one that i knew cared
for the one i lost, so they made me feel terrible about missing
him. i found that writing poetry for my dearest helped the most,
and reading it to him at his resting place.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the part of me that was lost. the things i never said, and the last
words i remember from his mouth. such guilt. self-blame. what hurts
most is words unspoken.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to hear all they need to say before they go. you never know what
you will hear, and what you will have to say to them. they will
appreciate it. dying alone is by far the most lonesome time one
must endure.
 
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     coped. how i came to say goodbye, and hello, at the same time. how
i learned that love is something to treasure in this life and the
next. death is only the beginning.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     no one could give me a solid answer on the cause of death. also how
my friends and family didn't agree with how much i missed him. they
denied my feelings for him.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     with death, is rebirth. we can't always frown; life would be dull,
lifeless. we must survive for those lost. live for them. finish all
that they desired to accomplish in life; for them. so that their
memories always remain.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell him that i loved him. i wanted to share my life with him. sit
for hours just sharing our stories, troubles, and passions.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     catch wind of the news. so that i wasn't forever wondering what
happened to him, or how he was doing.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the dreams i had afterwards. to me, they were messages.. telling
me that everything is alright.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     relief.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear his name. I see his car, His house. I get emotional thinking
about the last phone call i got from him.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     if i could turn back time. i would be around him more often. give
him a chance to be with me. but how might this life differ? would
i be happier? or was it meant to be this way?

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I wanted to die, why him?

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to him. face to face.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I was in shock for a day. Then the months following, i couldn't
sleep, and when i did i would have nightmares about him. the tears
wouldn't stop flowing.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     considerable respect.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     n/a
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     I am not a religious person. however, my spiritual beliefs played
a calming and relieving role in coming to terms with this loss.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     my current is more paganistic/ past was methodist christian.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     hopefull.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     i had no affiliation with money in this loss.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     i was unable to attend the funeral...

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     his final words living and playback in my head over and over.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     the sounds of despair in his voice. or was it?

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     denial still lasts today. regret plays a big role in my process.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i am unsure.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     i nor anyone i know has had any such experience.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I feel more at ease knowing i will see him sometime again, and i will
be able to say all the things which i was unable to in this life.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would scream out all my feelings. that i had then, and now. i
would like to hear similar feelings, but i would be happy either
way to get it off my chest.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     my friend came to me in a dream prior to his death. he held my
hand and asked me how i was. and told me that everything would be
alright. in dreams after his death, he reached out from the grave
to grasp me.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     i want people not to think of my death, but the life we shared
together. all the good times. omitting the bad.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i think about death more than i care to admit. sometimes i find
myself coming to believe it is romantic and beautiful; my own death.

--What might you like your obit to say of you:
     Jessie, 20 years young, died friday in her beloved country
home. leaving behind her daughter, and husband; also her career
she was well known for in this small corner of england. She shall
be missed. In excerpt of a poem written by our beloved lost:
"(insert poetry excerpt)" Her funeral is be arranged and carried
out in August.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i wrote. poetry. and in my journal.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
    i still continue to write in my journal.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     I have one. He seems most respectful on my memories of my lost
friend.


       - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Knew it was coming 
     We all die


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 
     Disbelief
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     acceptance and understanding would have been most helpful at
the time.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     this questionnaire has allowed me the time to express how i really
feel, and no one is there to deny me.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     at this time. i have no comments or suggestions about this
questionnaire. i feel it is sufficient where it's at.

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Mon Aug  8 01:29:43 2005
F30 in Citrus Heights, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  On Yahoo

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    Prof/Studies: unemployed, drug addicted mother
 
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	none
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	none
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 19 Months ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumors;   Aged: 54.

--Details: 
     She was in the hospital having a tumor removed from her brain (
for the sixth time), when she caught some kind of infection . The
infection killed her. Both her and my father had the same look on
thier faces right before they died. They're eyes were bulging out
of the heads and they're breathing was very shallow and rapid. When
I got to the hospital and saw my mom with that look on her face
I became very worried because, it was exactly how my Dad looked
before he died.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     ...when thier physical body stops working. They're hearts stop
beating, there is no blood running through thier bodies, they don't
breathe  and there is no life. The body then decomposes.Some believe
that the spirit lives on however , somewhere else.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was devistated and ruined.

--That first time, how it happened was
     When I was eighteen my father passed away .He was HIV positive and
	had been very, very sick for a long time. I watched him slowly waste
	away to nothing. It was horrifying.
 My father was only 44 years old.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     feeling all alone .

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Appreciate your loved ones when they are alive.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     My Dad no longer had to suffer: when he finally died I was greatfull
because I could not stand to see him suffer in such a horrific way. 
I cant think of anything to be greatfull for about my moms death.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     methamphetimine and xannax.Oh, and shopping. and sex.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not having Methamphetimine and xannax.or money. (haven't run out
of sex yet!)
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Put your fears aside and face what is happening or you might
regret it.
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     saw everyone put thier prejeduces aside and come together as a
family after whitnessing my father die. Nobody was mad at eachother
any more. Nobody cared that he was gay. All the things we used to
argue about and get so upset over just didn't seem to matter when
we saw my Dad, who no longer had the ability to lift his head from
his pillow because he was so starving and weak, smile, and say"it
was okay, because he was so close to god".

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was all alone with no one to turn to.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I'm twisted.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Make sure my aunt wasn't handling my moms finances.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Tell my mom I loved her. Tell my Dad i loved him and that I didn't
care that he was gay.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I can't answer any more of these questions . This was very helpfull
though. Thank you.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was going to do somthing about it to change it.


       - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Illicit Drugs 
     Denial, abandonment, disassociation ,self destruction


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Illicit Drugs 
     I ts hard for me to answer this because I dont usually recognize
my feelings .(due to the drugs)
 
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Sun Aug  7 09:30:59 2005
F28 in Casper, WY =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Grief Zone from Hospice org

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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: drowning;   Aged: 6.

--Details: 
     she was at a supervised public pool

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of life and the begining of a painful journey for those
left behind

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     screamed and punched the walls

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     it was preventable, so unexpected

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to grow from it

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     knowing how many people love me

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     groww.org
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     my boy looks just like my girl
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     thank you for enriching my life
 
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     want to prevent this and not let her be forgotten

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     conflicting stories about the accident

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I wanted to celebrate her life and cherish my good memories
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     hold her and say goodbye and I love her

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     design her headstone
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     people cleaned my house and did my laundry
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     feeding me............had no appetite

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I look at pictures or find her belongings around the house

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would be teaching my own classroom and buying school supplies

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     she had so much to live for

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     yell and run down to the local pool and make the parents be more
aware
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     dropped to the floor and screamed noooooo

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they did all they can
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     uncertainty and anger
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     none
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     my spirit is still in pain, but I feel she is ok
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we had none
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     so many people supporting what I needed done

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     I have had to find a new normal

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     none

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     none
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I cannot change my issues....... guilt plays a big role there

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I want a hug from her and to be able to never let her go

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     dreams became very gruesome.......zombie baby

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I need to be set with her

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I want to be cremated and placed with her

--What might you like your obit to say of you:
     dunno... loving mom, devoted friend and wife, good student, lots
of love for friends

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     made a rock garden, working on quilt from her clothes, send balloons

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
    cannot be a teacher..........going into business

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     many new friends in online groups


       - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Another Death 
     online support groups, counceling, meds


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     tramatic and sudden for both
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     my groups have helped


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     many questions that I had not thought about for some time

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     none

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See  Jul 05   contributions.
See  Jun 05   contributions.
See  Current  contributions.
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