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See Current contributions.
See Nov 04 contributions.
See Oct 04 contributions.
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Sat Dec 25 20:55:55 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Hospice ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Yes, the poem titled "We remember Them"
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Author Unknown
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: .
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What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Did not know how I was going to learn to live without him in my life.
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Mon Dec 20 03:19:14 2004
F29 in Johannesburg, Gauteng =South Africa=
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
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Prof/Studies: Admin Assistant
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
--That first time, how it happened was
A friend of mine went into convulsions and died.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy
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Wed Dec 15 13:06:22 2004
M56 in =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ CNN ]
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Prof/Studies: Hospice Social Worker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Renal Failure; Aged: 81.
--Details:
She had many health problems and died in a nursing home which is
where she never wanted to be. She had Dementia caused by TIA's which
had mostly taken her away already but had caused many problems for
me and my family.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our Earthly existence in physical terms. Our Soul lives
on for Eternity and we can be present to those we love in some form
if they are open to us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't understand why or how it had happened. I felt guilty and
blamed myself.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the guilt and pain of it.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is natural and not to be feared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that their suffering has ended and that I had the gift of having
known them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with my wife and praying.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
coming to terms with the guilt and moving beyond it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
speak the words that are in your heart. Don't be afraid to cry!
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealt with the feelings of guilt
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he had been told that he was healthy but died not long after that.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I wish that I COULD have laughed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him the weekend before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there to help my Mother deal with all that she had take care of.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people who hadn't been interested in me or my welfare in years
suddenly were all concerned.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
People gathering around me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
that pretty much says it all right there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be able to call on him for his wise advice and to get his
help with projects around the house.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he die now. He has just retired and is looking forward to not
having to get up and go to work every day, to doing things that he
wanted and enjoyed.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
am to blame.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
If I look at this death only, I curse the medical community but now
that I am part of that community, I know how little they actually
know about what is going on and how helpless they can be.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I didn't have the help of hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a source of strength.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic/Many different "experiments" prior to Conversion as
a young adult.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Universal.
--Regarding MONEY:
my Mother had to deal with the rental houses that my Father left
that he had acquired to keep busy with after retirement (he was a
Union Carpenter).
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people knew and respected my Father.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that it happened when and how it did.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my Father died suddenly so this didn't happen. It did happen with my
Mother. I was surprised that it was old co-workers who came to her.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
working in healthcare, I have had people tell me these kinds of
experiences. One gentleman told me of a Hell experience that he had.
He said that hadn't changed the way he wanted to live though. That
really surprised me because it was so graphic by his account.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am at peace with his death now but it took a very long time to
reach this point.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope to hear confirmation that it hadn't mattered that I
didn't visit him that weekend and also to hear that he is proud of
me for what I have accomplished in my life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My Father returned in my dreams many times over a number of years. He
never offered any explanation as to where he had been or what he
had been doing. He had just "been away".
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
You should put your wishes in writing and make certain that your
loved ones know where that document is.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
As I said earlier, I expect to die relatively young. I can't say
why I think that, I just do. That doesn't bother me at all. In
fact, I actually take comfort in that thought. It isn't that I'm
unhappy about my life, I just don't mind leaving this world. The
one exception to that is leaving the people who I love. I know,
however, that we will be together again and that we will never be
parted again. Why worry about moving on to something better?
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
He was born, he lived, he died, move on.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Nothing to report here.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I just became much more aware of how much I am like my Father. I
also expect to die relatively young like he did.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Not really.
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What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I am now a Hospice Social Worker. That is my way of reaching out
to others. It really has brought home to me that life does go on
for the people who are left.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has been useful. I'm glad that I found it while surfing for
resources for my patients and their families.
It brought up
thoughts that haven't been in my mind for some time. Overall,
that is a good thing.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Nothing to add here.
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Mon Dec 13 18:59:08 2004
F19 in California =US.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: Nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: colon bursting; Aged: 53.
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--Death Is:
the final cycle of life. everyones life cycle comes to an end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i cried for a while and then i dealt with depression. the longer
it is from the death the easier the pain is to deal with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my brother being their for me in an instant he helped me through
the pain and allowed me to cry when i needed to.
--What I think my (US.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to deal with it. when someone dies people find destructive ways
to deal with it. like alcohol, drugs, etc.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
all of the memories that i have with me. even though my friend is
no longer here her memory lives on.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my brother who allowed me to talk when i needed to but didn't push
me to open up when i wasn't ready.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that you will never be able to talk to that person
again. thinking of things that you wished you would have said to
them when they were alive.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen to what they have to say. let them know that they are
not alone.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to say things to a person the moment you want to say it. if
you wait it could be to late.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i had seen my friend the week before she got sick and she was fine,
then she became ill and a couple weeks later was gone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much she meant to me and how much she has helped me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her she was one of those people who were one in a million and
i was privelaged to be able to know her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i realized that the pain easing up. i was able to think more on
are good memories then focus on the actual death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
accepting it. i have been told a lot of people have problems
accepting death yet for me it was easy.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear people say see you later because that was the last thing my
friend ever said to me was that she would see me later and i never
got to see her again.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i think that i would be a lot happier if she were still alive. she
was the one of the ones that i was able to talk to.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she wanted to live and yet died and others want to die and
yet continue living after attempting suicide.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her to get how i am feeling off my chest.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for hours. i knew she was gone when i was told.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i know that the hospital that cared for her did the best that they
could. it was just her time to go so there was nothing that could
be able to be done.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more right. in the end no matter what religion you are you will die
and i think that all the spirits are togther no matter what religion.
--Regarding MONEY:
money wasn't an issue during that. but i am now every year donating
money in honor of her.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how everyone came together. i may not have known the people there
but we were all there to reflect on the life of my friend.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when she was sick death never crossed my mind. i never thought it
was a possibility that she was going to die because the last time
i seen her she was fine.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there were really no signs except that she was hospitalized. and a
couple weeks later died. i never seen any signs that she was going
to die, either that or i didn't want to notice them.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the crying stage, the not understanding how it happened stage,
depression, and then the stage where i can think back on the times
that we had and sometimes get sad but for the most part i am glad
to have known her.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
When my friend died it was on a friendly basis. We had no problems
that interfered with our friendship.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would have liked to tell her how special she is. she changed many
peoples lives, mine included, and she will always be remembered.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i want my organs donated to other people. other then that it is
whatever helps to ease my friends and families pain.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i realized how close death was to me when i was in a car accident. i
realized i could die at any time. it made me feel more aware of
myself and to live everyday to the fullest.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want people to know me personally. i would want them to
have information saying what type of a person i was and not focus
so much on my accomplishments.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
if ever i feel the need to talk to my friend i write her letters. i
know that she won't ever read them but it helps to get how i feel
on paper.
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this questionaire helped me to sort out my feelings regarding
death. it put into focus how i felt during the time and how i
feel now.
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Mon Dec 13 14:43:13 2004
F18 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental psychology project
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
Death is the end of one's life; they are gone and are never coming
back.
--Religious Affiliation:
LDS/Mormon-current
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My dad once told me about a really bad car accident that he was in.
Some car in front of him wanted to pass another car that was going
slow, so it did and was hit by a truck as he was passing. The car
that had been passed and my dads car crashed into the truck and the
car that had already hit the truck becuase they did not have enough
time to stop. My dad's truck was completely totaled. After all the
commotion had stopped, he said he felt extremely peaceful and a very
powerful feeling of love. He said he knew it was the end and laid
down and when he woke up, he was in the hospital. He had some minor
injuries, but came out of the accident with no permanent damage.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother on my mothers side died when my mom was thirteen
years old, so I never knew her. However, I am named after her
and I have a feeling that that is why this happened to me. I was
about 15 years old and it was a Sunday afternoon and i was really
tired, so i laid down to take a nap. A few hours later, i lifted
up my head and looked around my room. I did not know if I was
awake or dreaming, but if it was a dream, it was very realistic.
I looked towards my dresser and saw a gloved hand placing a red
rose next to my head on my bed. I looked up and saw a very pretty,
smiling lady. I was confused, but not scared. I smiled back and
then laid down again. A few moments later my head jerked up and I
knew I was awake for real. I looked around my room, but the rose
and the lady were gone. A few days later I was looking through
my mother's old photo albums from when she was a child. I looked
at a picture of my grandma and saw that she had on the same dress
as the lady from my dream/vision or whatever and I realized that
I had seen my grandmother. I got chills all over, but at the same
time I was very glad. I wish more than anything that I could have
known her and seeing her or whatever happened made me feel better.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I mostly just wonder how it will happen. I would rather it be
quick and painless, but when I am older than old.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want it to say nice things. I would probably like it
to mention how much I loved my family and friends and how I loved
horses. I would also like it to say that I will continue loving them
even though I am dead and that someday we will all be together again.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have not had a significant death in my family. Both my sets of
grandparents as well as my parents and siblings are still alive.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think it is a good survey! Nothing needs changed. :)
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Mon Dec 13 12:30:46 2004
M33 in Victorville, California =United States of America=
Name: David Uresti
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
This website is one option for our end of the semester term project.
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
N/A
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
N/A
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 19 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide, gun shot; Aged: about 30.
--Details:
My cousin was trying to get back with his wife that he used to abuse.
He was also an alcoholic and drug user. He used Valentine's Day
as a day to make her feel guilty I think. According to family, he
told her they should get back together and if they didn't, he was
going to shoot himself. While they were on the phone she declined
to get back with him and in the phone conversation, he shot himself.
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--Death Is:
Human death is when the body stops working and all vital organs
no longer function including the brain, heart, and lungs which are
necessary for life. All eleven systems of the human body no longer
continue working.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was somewhat unbelieving. To think that you are not going to
see that person every again alive does tend to play with my mind.
Although, it is understandable, it still does bring some sensations
of awkwardness.
--That first time, how it happened was
I was about 14 years old when my cousin Tony committed suicide on
Valentine's Day. I would have to say that he was close enough to our
family with visits from him atleast once a month. I wasn't involved
in the death arrangements but the funeral was somewhat disturbing.
So many people crying and I could best describe it that many people
seemed to be losing their minds.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The most significant death to me was that of my oldest brother.
Therefore, my most vivid memories of that the affects of his death
had on me and others around me was that of regret. Many family
members did not invest their lives in my brothers life, nor did
they try to get close to him. Many people felt grieved that they
could have done something to prevent his death if they would have
just loved him a little more. I guess despair was also another
sensation that seemed to fill the air.
--What I think my (United States of America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Once death has come, it's over for that person. What I am trying
to say is make your life count. Don't just let it waste away
like so many people I know do. Try to leave a lasting impact on
this world for the sake of good. Make your life count-------after
death------you can't.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The death of my oldest brother tended to bring some family closer
together. I think the feelings of regret causes some of them feel
that they do not want to go through another death and knowing they
didn't get close to that person's heart.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I know the most important support I received concerning the issue of
death like my brother's, is that from God. I go to a quite place
and just talk to him. Sometimes, I have this sensation of peace
come over that everything is going to be alright. So my conclusion
to this question is that I receive support from my prayers to God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I am not sure if I will ever see him again in the afterlife. I am
not sure because the last two years of his life are a mystery to
me as well as the rest of the family. I hope he gave his life to
Christ so he could get to heaven.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
It's difficult to answer this question because it depends on what
person I am speaking to. For example, to my grandmother who died
about 7 years ago, my advice would be to rest assured that her life
counted to all of us. Everything in her life was devoted to better
ourlives and for her to have no regrets but to be grateful that she
had accomplished all her goals in life and them some and that I know
Christ is with her. On the other hand, if I was at my brothers bed
side and I knew his hours were limited. I would encourage him to
repent of anything he thinks would hinder him in the after life.
Though, none of us are perfect, it is still important to leave with
a clean conscience. Christ is quick to forgive.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that every day in life is precious. To fight, argue, hate,
and many other negative actions are just a waste of time. Life can
be enjoyed and experiences can be positive even when it looks bad;
therefore, don't waste your time on the foolish things in life and
make life count.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
everyone tended to blame themselves for his death. I don't
understand why some people would take personal responsibility over
something they had no control over. Death itself doesn't seem to
be confusing but it's the actions and emotions of others who do
not want to deal with it that I do not understand.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a natural reaction. It is funny that this question is
in here because it has happened to me at almost every death I
have known. I don't tend to cry, but instead I tend to laugh.
It is so strange and some family think I am nuts for doing it.
I feel perfectly sane and I can't figure out why I start laughing.
Like I said earlier, a death seems to affect me about a week later
where I feel saddened by the death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
invest more time into my brother. I cannot change the past, but if
I could I would have given him more love and attention and worked
with him despite other's negativity in my family.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be the one who had invest the most into my brother's life. While
others reject him, I took him into my home to help re-establish his
own life. I was the last to see him. It was his choice to move
and start over some where else but I can say the years he lived with
me were good times and I do not regret investing my life into his.
We became great friends.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I notice that many people handle death well. There are still many
who are saddened by the death but it is impressive to see others
have total control of their emotions and tend not to have the death
affect them but instead they show great concern for others.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Some people want this extravagant funeral ceremony when that really
doesn't matter to me. The one's I feel more concerned with are
those that are directly impacted by the death. That is where I
think the attention needs to be given. I don't think the dead
person even cares what kind of funeral they have.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I really don't get teary-eyed about anyone who has passed away.
I think it could change for me if it was my father, mother, children,
or future spouse.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I really don't think about things like that. I just try to move
on with life and so far that is the way it has worked with me.
Don't get me wrong, I still miss the person that died, but I can't
waste my time going insane or looking back at something that is
just a dream.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
There were several deaths that I had the thoughts that, "It's just
not fair..." because some of these people suffered horribly before
they died and they were outstanding people. I wished I could have
taken their pain away.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
So far, it hasn't been to difficult where I wished I could join
them or get some professional help. I still love those people but
I do not find it difficult to cope with.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
don't believe it. There is something inside that prevents me to feel
the real impact of a death. I am not sure what it is, but I tend
to feel remorse about a week later and usually when I am by myself.
I have gone to atleast two dozen funerals in my life time and it
always seems to work out in the same pattern for me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
This country seems to have the best Medical Community in the
world------I think. You can only do so much for a person no matter
how well a Medical Community is.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Not too much of a conern. AIDS might cause me to take percautions
but others like cancer I would feel ok and completely safe with.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
going to church on Sundays and paying your thithes.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian non-demonimation
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The body is just a vessel that the spirit dwells in here on earth.
Once the body passes away, the spirit moves onto the next dimension
and from my beliefs it is either heaven or hell. The spirit does
have control over the body if it chooses but many people live like
animals and therefore their body controls their spirit.------crazy
people.
--Regarding MONEY:
I have seen people argue over the money issue. Whether it who
was going to pay for the funeral or who was going to inherit that
person's money. Sometimes death brings out the worst in people
when it comes to money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Some people tend to go over board. I don't understand why some
people allow themselves to lose their emotions to the point of
chaos.-------it trips me out!!!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when I seen people screaming at the dead person and shouting crazy
things to them. I later asked what they were doing and their
responses were that they were trying to keep the evil spirits
away.-----I don't get it!!!
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is good to cry and allow your self to go through the emotional
process but always understand that the person who died doesn't want
you to continue suffering because of their death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
There does seem to be some kind link between the otherside and
the person dying. I have noticed it in a couple of deaths.
One grandmother seemed to be talking to her mom minutes before
her dying and after she said several comments she just laid back
and rested and spoke to my mom in a calm and rational voice.
Several minutes after that she past away very peacefully.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Nope. No thoughts or experiences of the "Near-Death
Experience".----------yet.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
If I have issues that I cannot resolve on my own I would seek
professional help in order to see things the way they are and work
with that to the best of my abilities.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
To tell them that I loved them and thank them for being a part of my
life and that I desire to see them in the after life. I would hope
and tell them that they should have no regrets. This conversation
would probably let me feel complete in there death.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother has said that she has encountered a couple of visitations
in her life. One was with her father and the other was that of her
brother-in-law. Trying to examine the situation I noticed a common
theme between the two and that is she was exremely close to both
and it happened when she was in a state of half sleep half awake.
No one else was around--------I think it was in her head.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't want to be hooked up to any machines and prolong my
children's sufferings of my death. Let me die in peace and also
after I die, don't make it complicated. Just put me in the ground
or toss me into the ocean but don't waste your time getting on with
your life. Just put me away.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think it is safe to say that I would be scared of the unknown
and would probably go through several states of denial, anger,
peace and others that I can't remember right now but in the end
I think I would except. I would hurt only because I wouldn't be
able to be with my children on earth again. I would try to speak
to every loved one and tell them that I love them and hope the best
for them in their lives and that I also desire to see them in the
afterlife--------heaven.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
a man who wanted to make his life count and others around him.
Someone who gave his life to his children and even though he was
one person, he tried to make this world just a little happier or
better with a joke, a meal, or a simple ear to someone who might
have needed him.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I cope with death as it is just a part of the living process. I do
have feelings and emotions but I do not let them hinder my thoughts
of death. There is nothing you can do about it when it happens.
There is no need to get all bent out of shape. It is going to
happen regardless of what I feel.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none that I could think of except the fact that life tends to impact
me more than death. Life is one opportunity to do the right things
and make my life count. Once death happens, it's over.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not really, I notice some people get closer to me but I don't see
a change in me getting closer to others. Maybe, because I thought
I was already close to them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Death is just a part of life and also I think there is a better
place than here if you make it there.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
My thoughts that hindered my dealings concerning death are that
there is a punishment for some who did not follow Christ's path.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Reaching to others tended to be the best medicine for me. Offering
my time, energy, or finances to help the grieving usually brings
me some peace.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I don't give death and dying too much thought but it did cause me
to think how can I prepare my children if I were to die.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
nope.
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Mon Dec 13 11:20:05 2004
F22 in Athens, =Greece=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
My mother told me about this website
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
on death and dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
elisabeth cubler ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
passing to non-existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
froze and never thought about it nor cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
after a while i started thinking that everybody around me was going
to die
--What I think my (Greece) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that there s no place such as heaven where everybody is well
and happy
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing...no one ever spoke about it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
insane thoughts that everybody is going to die
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye to him
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
everytime i think about death
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die first
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
While i would need all my loved ones around me, i wouldn t want to
hurt them by watching me die
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
for some years after my grandfather's death i used to talk to him
every night as if he was next to god.after having said my prayer
i used to say :"Now,god,can i please speak to my grandfather? "
and as if we were on the phone i spoke to him and told him my news
and asked him how he was.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Nobody had warned me about the death and nobody discussed about it
with me.My parents did it for protection but this thing killed me.I
have never been able to deal properly with death ever since.I think
that talking about death makes it bearable.Imagination fullfills
the gaps and makes it worse.
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Mon Dec 13 08:54:39 2004
F19 in nashville, tn =usa=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, Years ago.
Cause of Death: disease; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you are no longer alive
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in 4th grade
--That first time, how it happened was
relative, disease, it was my grandmother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and denial
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
memories
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
acceptance
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
happiness
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
talked about it afterwards
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i found out
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was crazy
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
solve unresolved issues
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have good memories
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i had to go to the funeral
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i think everything is important when dealing with a death, any
input or thoughts, it is part of the grievance
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
or when somebody else dies
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i try not to think about things like that...it is unrealistic
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
or why him?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
remove it from my memory
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it is not true
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
good
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
doesnt
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic/past
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
within/personal
--Regarding MONEY:
it was irrevalent
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the closure
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
saying goodbye
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the look in their eyes
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i dont know
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
the same
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont have any unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
to escape
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
nothing has ever happened to me like that
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
always be observantta
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i do not have morbid thoughts like that
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
free spirit, affectionate, friends and family are very important
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing poetry
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no not really
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
alcohol
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
talk to people about death and how i dealed with it
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no it was fine
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Sat Dec 11 21:20:31 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Jim Previte
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
expected, but a sad occurence for most who are left behind by a
friend, relative, or spouse who has died.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried because everyone else in my family was crying. Their sadness
made me feel sad and confused.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being surprised that he died and I survived.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable. We keep trying to prolong human life, but unless
there is quality to the lives that are prolonged, dying would better.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
not having to visit my sick great grandfather in the hospital
any more. It was very sad, and he wanted to die. He didn't want
to live without his departed wife anymore, and he didn't want to
be sick & in a hospital bed.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
survivor's guilt.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make sure that you are there....I think that dying alone would
be sad.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my family got together and cried at the funeral. I have never seen
anyone in my family cry before.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone crying.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Not to be made to suffer just because society thinks that staying
alive is more important than quality of life.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Wife, mother, college student.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I haven't really had a deep, meaningful experience with death
yet...it would probably be better to take the questionnaire if I had.
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Sat Dec 11 15:01:51 2004
F28 in san francisco, california =united states=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
scary. It is something that we all must deal with but few of us
are prepared for. none of know exactly what happens , I think the
uncertainty is what's most frightening
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very sad
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
all of the sadness
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The wonderful memories of the person that I will always have
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that people that I love will die and I will have to spend
the rest of my life without them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know how you feel (tell them you love them) about them
before they go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people out of cunfussion, sadness, frustration...start fighting
over, property, money, funeral arrangements... instead of comming
together and being strong for one another
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my family
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
this can't be
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Fri Dec 10 20:04:07 2004
M48 in california = ?? =
Name: Jay
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More personal info:
dominately effected by my fathers death at an early age i have
pursued the mystery of life through medition, education, & study
with the Master of Life
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
American Book Of The Dead
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
E.J.Gold
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 40 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Stroke; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
ceasation of sense and thought
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
walked to ask my brother if he knew.. he did. he did not talk, i went
to be by myself, cryed as i began to understand what i just heard
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
it became apparent that my mother was not capable
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i grew up with the insight of no father
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nature & my dog
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being alone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
speak sincerely
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized through the process the truth of life
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
no one told me my father was dying
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it did not happen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live in peaceful town
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i realized that everyBody dies
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
hair length
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
circumstances are sad
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
sucessful natural engineer, wife, children, Home
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i am alone
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop the pain
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
am alone
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
skeptical
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it did not exist in 1964
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
hypocrisy
--Religious Affiliation:
not
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true
--Regarding MONEY:
it was of no concern
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
no one talked
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realising my circunstance
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
communication
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
don't lie
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i welcome his observations
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
school
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
acknowledgement
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
wirtten instructions to how not to care for me (extended unconcious
machins life)
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am practicing with 'I' death
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
known to have lived an uncommon life, we appreciate his bravery
and careing.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i put my dog to sleep
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
alone!!!
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to have company in daily actvitty
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Mon Dec 6 13:51:46 2004
M49 in Victorville, California =USA=
Name: Rex Solomon
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: student, nursing
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More personal info:
I used to be the Provider Relations and Member Services Manager
of Anchor Medical Group in San Bernardino. After being laid off,
I had a hard time looking for a comparable work. I've decided to
pursue nursing at Victor Valley College. I work as a Central Supply
technician at Victor Valley Community Hospital in the night shift.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Dealth and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kubler Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2001 Years ago.
Cause of Death: metastatic cancer of the kidney; Aged: 72.
--Details:
She became skin and bones but didn't complain of somatic pains
or discomfort
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of eternal life. We miss the people we love but their
memories remain and when times are rough just
remember that they
may be like your guardian angels.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was young perhaps 17 years old when my grandpa from
my mother
side died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that she was well loved by the community; some of whom I
have
not known.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it makes us reflect on our unique culture and traditions and the
comraderie and support we can receive from one another.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
her tremendous faith in our Lord even if I knew she was suffering
physically, mentally, and emotionally.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the rest of our immediate family, simply their love and support.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the silence, the times when you are alone by yourself.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just give them a hug.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am strengthened by her courage and faith . . . to put all
her
trust in the Lord.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
her mental faculties were involved by the cancer, I didn't know then
that the lability of her mood swings was due to the involvement of
her brain.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it felt good because I can laugh with someone and forget about
thinking so much about death every time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her many times that I simply love her. Although she knew that,
I think hearing the words would have been better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
muster the courage to be strong for the young generation, the
grandkids, nephews, and nieces.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
she'd simply hold my hand.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
when she asked us if "she's losing it," i.e. she's losing her mind.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone young like an 8 year old would speak about their lost
grandpa or grandma.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Perhaps I may not have grown up as fast as I have . . . now
that
the responsibility of taking care of the next generation is on us.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she has so much going on with her life and the grandkids would miss
her so.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her just one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was angry because I ask myself why the Lord would take
her away from
us when she has so much to offer to her grandkids and the community.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude; they tried to keep her comfortable despite the
difficult
circumstances.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
excellent. . . I recommend this program.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything . . . because they comforted her and our family.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
without doubt real. Our body turns to ash but our spirit
ascends
. . . and we'll be judged by our Creator if we are to go to heaven,
hell, or purgatory.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was important. Although my parents took care of a lot
of funeral
wishes and arrangements, there were also a lot of
funeral expenses.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that she was well-loved.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when people who don't like each other attend the funeral and the
ceremony itself becomes a forum for their own personal 'dramas.'
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the difficulty in her breathing and the rhythm of her breathing.
I felt so helpless.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I went thru the anger, the denial, the bargaining, and the
acceptance okay, I guess because this was a gradual death not a
sudden death. We lost her but we knew about it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
the car horn won't stop making noise or the chandelier lights would
be blinking.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I'm sorry I don't have anything that comes to mind.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I try to put myself in the other party's shoes. I employ
pillow
talk, that is, I consider all sides of an issue. I'd rather have
a compromise or negotiate rather than going for a win in a conflict.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Mom, just want to know if you are happy with Dad and our relatives
'up there' and I just want to let you know we
are fine and that
we all love you.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When my brother was undergoing a divorce and we had an
argument
it seemed that someone was intervening in our
discussions . . . TV
comes on . . . don't know why.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I respect the rights and wishes of the dying . . .I would
like all
the family would be present to talk about it though, in retrospect.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Not really sure. But I think I'd like to ask the Lord for
forgiveness for all the bad things I have done and make amends to
all the people I may have hurt. Also if I have a chance to go to
Bethlehem, the nativity place of our Lord.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Rex Solomon dedicated his life to family and the community -
always there to help someone.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I've gotten back to school to pursue a second careet in
nursing.
Meeting new people helps. Also a change in job
helped
. . .something less stressful.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think I listen more to people. I don't rush in making
judgments
. . . simply being nice. My parents were peace makers and I
love them.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I've got a crush in one of my classmates in Human Communications
course. Right now, we're friends . . .
nothing intimate as yet.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
A call or a visit from time to time helped me. Some offered to
do little errands here and there; and church ministries certainly
helped.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel good answering these questions. It brought back some
memories. I felt comfortable answering them. I'd like
to
share this questionnaire with my loved ones and ask them the same
questions.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
How did other members of the family feel about the death of their
loved one and how did they interact with one another?
How did
the death affect your relationships with the community?
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Thu Dec 2 13:59:25 2004
F44 in Dawson Creek, British Columbia =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
google search "death and dying"
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 38.
--Details:
My brother died at home, totally drug free, removed from oxygen 2-3
hours before his passing. He died on November 2, 2004, one month
ago, and 11 months to the day of his cancer diagnosis, although he
had been ill for a year prior to that (the doctors assumed that
he had sarcoidosis, which he had had 11 years previous)
I was
laying beside him when he died...and I feel very honored that I
was there when he passed. He was talking all night to "someone",
saying strange things, which didn't bother me, I just wish he had
told me who it was he was talking to. I didn't ask him though,
because I was waiting for him to tell me he was talking to our dad,
who committed suicide 7 years ago...He said at one point that he
knew he wasn't making any sense, and I told him it was ok...his wife
insists that he was arguing with himself, but I don't think so...I'm
sure that he was being comforted and assured, being prepared for his
passing...He didn't want to die, as he has two very young children,
and he was very scared, but at the end he wasn't scared anymore, and
I'm glad of that...My main reason for doing this search and filling
out this questionaire is to reach out to someone to find out other's
experiences with what their loved ones were experiencing while
crossing over...Are they really communicating with their guides and
other loved ones...my brother never had morphine, so one cannot say
that he was hallucinating...this is what I'm looking for...eventually
my sister and I will try to speak to him and our dad via a medium,
but for right now I need to know that what I think was happening
was really happening to him...I have no doubt that there is an after
life and that we've all been here before...I don't think this is all
there is..we are so much more than our physical bodies...I'd love
someone to email me back with their thoughts on this, or to send
me to some websites where the actual process is explained...Thanks :)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Going Home to where we come from...being reborn.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and didn't think very much about the spiritual aspect
of what had just happened...I think I was in shock.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sitting on the floor screaming, but not hearing myself scream,
yet hearing a voice telling me, an inner knowing that I knew it
was all ok.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not an ending but a beginning, or a return to our source.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I was with my brother when he passed, that I was a witness to
his peaceful passing and was able to confirm to my mom and sister
that that truly was how it appeared to be for him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the caring and support from friends and co-workers, especially
those with similar spiritual beliefs as mine.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing physically that I won't ever see, touch, or hear my brother
again, not in this existence.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to just be there, so that they aren't alone, because until they
are ready to pass, they are afraid and don't want to die alone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my dad the night before he died instead of sending my
husband because I was too busy and upset with something else going
on in my life at the time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my brother when he passed.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
With my brother's cancer diagnosis, and our difficulty with his
wife because of our strong dislike for her, I often wish that my
dad were here, wish that he hadn't committed suicide, that he were
here to protect us and help us better deal with it.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run away and live in the sunshine, happy and free of all concerns.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment. They did what they could for my brother once they
had diagnosed him, but they (pardon me) fucked up with the delay
in a proper diagnosis, and I wonder if that cost him his life.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
that it might have been helpful if my brother and his wife had been
willing to ask for their help.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the Roman Catholic Church.
--Religious Affiliation:
New Age? more spiritual than religious, if that makes sense.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that there is only one Source and we all stem from the same source,
no matter our race or nationality, and that we all return to the
same source upon death.
--Regarding MONEY:
and this is horrible, but, my brother's wife almost seemed to be
encouraging him to die, so that she could collect the life insurance
and spend it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the fact that my brother's birth family was placed behind his wife's
grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins, like we were nothing.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Oh, this is what I was waiting for, was this question!!
I
witnessed my brother saying many strange things...something about
cash in the car, something about oysters, and something about
some kind of a hot rod vehicle. These statements were spread out
throughout the evening of the night he died and he told us that he
knew that he wasn't making any sense to us, but we told him that
was ok...inbetween these statements he would be silent while we
were talking, and out of the blue he would say "yes", or "no", or
"yeah", as if he were answering someone, but he never said who he
was talking to. My brother's legs were very swollen and he couldn't
walk and he had to be assisted in and out of his wheelchair and on
his final move to his bed once he was settled he said "I gotta go"
I thought at first he meant that he wanted to get up again and told
him he didn't need to go anywhere, but his wife told him it was ok,
and then I realized that he meant it was time to go. I believe that
is the last thing he said other than saying he didn't care who lay
beside him. I lay beside him, greatly honored to do so, and very
shortly thereafter he breathed deeply and stopped. I think he was
peaceful...he wasn't scared anymore, and he told us he had to go,
it was time...perhaps those he was talking to had been preparing him
and they were telling him that he had to go now...I gotta go...I'll
never forget it and I can't wait to ask him, and to ask him if he
was glad I was there beside him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
When I had my first daughter I had a vaginal tear and was bleeding
internally and had to be put under to repair it an hour after her
birth. Before they discovered that my blood pressure had dropped
and there was a problem I remember being very cold and feeling very
far away, like I was in a deep hole. I had just given birth to a
beautiful baby, and I was totally ok with it all, and if I had died
I would have been ok with that too...I don't remember being "out of
my body" or seeing "the white light" or meeting guides or deceased
loved ones, but I remember feeling peace and knowing it was all ok.
All this happened before I consciously began my spirtual seeking.
I have a friend who has had a very vivid NDE and who tells me she
believes that I had a blocked NDE, based upon what I had told her...I
dunno, maybe yes, maybe no...all I know is that I felt peace, and
obviously it wasn't my time to go...sometimes when things have been
very bad I get angry at my guides, lol, for not letting me go home
then...but if I had then my equally very precious second daughter
wouldn't have been born, would she???
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My family was treated very badly by my brother's wife since his death
and we have issues with both of them in that regard. We know that
he knows what's in our hearts now, but we would like to connect
with him through a medium. We know that we may not like what he
says to us, or that he will tell us it's not important...but we
just want to know that he is ok and that he is happy.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I've had very few dreams of my dad since his death, but the first
one was in the first 2-3 days following his death, before the
funeral even. In my dream my dad was at the hospital, alive,
but was dying and then did die from a heart attack. This was a
lucid dream because I acknowledged that I this was a dream and was
thinking how can this be, my dad didn't die from a heart attack, he
shot himself, this doesn't make sense. I do know from my reading
of Louise Hay that a heart attack represents a broken heart,
and in my dream I acknowledge that my dad was trying to tell me
why he killed himself...He had a broken heart and was very sad.
I accept this as truth and know he was communicating with me.
I had a dream of my brother last week, the only one do date since
his death. In this dream, I was on the phone to my mother and my
brother was involved in our conversation, although it was a two way
call between her and I. He was saying things similar to the things
he said while he was passing, nonsensical things, but in this call
they made sense to me, and I acknowledge that, and thought wow
I'll remember this in the morning, how it makes sense (I didn't
and I don't, now, lol) I then went on to take some dental xrays
for a former dental assistant coworker, for some unknown reason,
but then I was speaking to my mother again and I asked her if she
had heard my brother in our previous conversation and she said yes,
to which I was surprised because I must have been thinking that I
was the only one who heard him....I think that he was telling me
with this dream that yes, I was right, that he was communicating
with others who were guiding him at his passing and that he was ok,
and that things that don't make sense will one day, as they make
sense to him right now...
Does that make sense?? LOL
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd like to think that I would be ok with it, because I believe
it's going home...I just don't want to suffer, and I don't want to
die alone, and I don't want to bother anyone or be a burden.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talk to my brother and my dad, and my grandparents when I lie in
bed, as if they are still alive. Sometimes when I'm upset I can
feel my dad touch my right arm around the elbow and upper arm, like
a comforting caress...I've asked my brother to try to show me he's
near, and to make sure he does it in a way different from my dad.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I've noticed, and others have noticed, my boss in particular, that
I'm stronger and able to face difficult situations better in the
last year...I have many other things happening besides the illness
and death of my brother, and I don't think that one can ever fully
get over a suicide...but I've done well considering, and I'm proud
of myself.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have become more tolerant of my mother and sister since this
whole ordeal with my brother's death, and that's a good thing
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
I was very young, and I felt so bad for my friend and her family,
one of whom was my ex boyfriend, but there wasn't anything I could
do, but try to be there for my friend and her brother, both of
whom I loved dearly. I didn't like the situation but there wasn't
anything I could do.
I don't think that there was anything that hindered me in dealing
with this death even though I was only 17
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I visited the cancer ward where my brother received his chemo and met
the nurse who tended to him...my brother's wife disliked the nurse
very much, who was only doing her job and was just being caring.
I felt the need to meet this woman and see where my brother spent
so much time receiving his treatment. Nurses are angels and I
bought her a beautiful angel which she told me would go in her house
perfectly...I wanted her to remember my brother when she sees the
angel and to know that his birth family appreciated her care and
professionalism, even though his wife did not. I am considering
asking her if there is anything I can do to assist her cancer care
program, other than monetarily.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am pleased to be able to write of my experinces, knowing that
someone will read my thoughts, and I can take more than 100 words
to do so. I am also pleased that I found some of the answers to
what I was looking for here.
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Wed Dec 1 23:11:11 2004
F27 in Apple Valley, California =United States=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
This questionaire is part of my term project for my developmental
psychology class.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Patient, Years ago.
Aged:
--Details:
I don't really remember the first patient that died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Is a scary place because unless you ave faith in something you
don't really know what is out there.On the same token if you do
have faith then it's not so scary, it's just another journey.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
One of the first times I ever experienced death was when a patient
had a code. I was new and everybody left me to go to lunch, I had
just gotten done taking her blood pressure and she was completly
stable. Then another patient told me that her tongue was hanging
out, I immediatly began CPR by then my coworkers were returning and
took over. It wasn't really real to me until I seen the paramedics
on top of her while they wheeled her out on a gurnie. It left me
with a really sad feeling.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Like I said above it is something that I will never forget because
she was fine one second and the next she was gone.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't think that this culture really values human life, you watch
the news and you are always hearing about somebody being murdered,
you hear it so much that you become callous to it until happens to
someone close to you.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I guess some of the patients I have seen have been in so much pain
with no quality of life thatit is a relief to seem them pass away
sometimes.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Just talking to other coworkers
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To listen because alot of times people just want someone to listen.
--[My Patient's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Appreciate life because we really do take it for granted just how
lucky we are to be here
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I think from my perspective of death, you have to kind of get a
morbid sense of humor because you see it so much, if you don't joke
it will eat you up
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
It made me scared to waste time
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how much I love my daughter and how I can't imagine
my world without her
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
We do all we can do, if its time sometimes it's just time no matter
how sad that might be
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice is a good program because it allows people to die in their
own environment instead of in a cold hospital.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I think religion is good because it gives the person something to
believe in
--Religious Affiliation:
I don't go to church, but Iam a christian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe that everyone has a spirit and I beleive that people's
spirits go to where that are supposed to go depending upon how a
person has lived their life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
When a patient would die, most of the time I would't think about the
patient that had died I would think more about if there appointment
time wouldbe more convient for another patient.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes I beleive that it was helpful because I never really talk about
death but this questionaire has made me realize how scary it is
that time is running out and you really need to make the most of
it and not take thing for granted.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No I think that they were all worded fine
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See Nov 04 contributions.
See Oct 04 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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