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See Current contributions.
See Aug 04 contributions.
See Jul 04 contributions.
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Thu Sep 30 20:26:11 2004
F38 in Barberton, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
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Prof/Studies: Geriactric charge nurse
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More personal info:
I think spiritualism should be routinely assesed and addressed,
for this is overlooked at an important event for someone.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Breast cancer & lymphoma; Aged: .
--Details:
I wish I could have spiritually helped her. Ease her fears and
anxieties that come with the dying process.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
shedding our physical bodies, our spirits go home to Heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Wished I would have known then to tell her to go to white light...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Her being so afraid
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Your passageway back home to Heaven.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Believing in God, and Mother Azna, and knowing that life is just
experiences and lessons. Our real home has always been Heaven.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
Became a nurse to care for the elderly ill and dying.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
My obnoxious alcoholic ex-husband
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Thu Sep 30 19:31:52 2004
F38 in MOTT, NORTH DAKOTA =USA=
Email: <TAMMYASHLEYMATTHEW-at-YAHOO.COM>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: HOUSEWIFE
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More personal info:
YES
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: SUICIDE; Aged: .
--Details:
HE WAS PLAYING RUSSIAN ROLET
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
IT IS WHEN A PERSONS BODY STOPS WORKING NEITHER FROM AGE, VIOLENCE
ARE ILLNESS AND THEY DIE.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
FELT VERY ALONE LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTTOD, I FELT GUILTY, I WANTED
TO DIE TO BE WITH MY DAD, NO PAIN AS MUCH AS LOOSEN HIM, SCARED,
VERY ANGRY DAD LEFT ME I WAS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH DAUGHTER FOR HIM. I
MISS HIM.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
SEEING THE CASKET AND THINKING IT WAS TO SMALL FOR HIM IT WAS ALL
A MISTAKE AND HE WOULD COME HOME BUT I REMEMBER FINDING HIM AND
THE BRAINS I KNEW HE WAS GONE.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
TO REALIZE YOU CAN NOT JUST GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE SOMETIMES WE NEED
HELP. I HAD WENT TO THE HOSPITAL WITH A SEVERE PANIC ATTACK AND
THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I WOULD BE OK AND JUST SENT ME HOME BEFORE I
STARTING GETTING BETTER I WEIGHED 84 POUNDS AT THE AGE OF 22
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
NOTHEN
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
NOTHEN
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
BLAMING MYSELF AND NO ONE UNDERSTOOD AND AVOIDED TALKING ABOUT IT
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
ALWAYS LISTEN TO THEM AND BE THERE FOR THEM AND IF YOU CAN NOT
HANDLE THE DEATH FIND HELP SOME HOW
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
ALWAYS CHERISH THE TIME YOU HAVE WITH YOUR LOVED ONES BECAUSE THEY
CAN BE GONE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I NEVER LAUGHED
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM AND BEEN THERE TO STOP HIM
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
THE LAST NIGHT I SEEN MY DAD ALIVE I WAS LEAVING AND FOR SOME
REASON I TURNED AROUND AND WENT OVER AND GAVE HIM A KISS GOOD BYE
AND TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM AND EARLIER THAT EVENING HE HAD APOLIZED
FOR SOMETHING THAT HAD HAPPENED AND I SAID I FORGAVE HIM
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
LEARNING LIFE GOES ON AND YOU GET SOMEWHAT BETTER
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I RESENTLY MOVED FAR AWAY FROM WERE HE IS BURIED AND I FEEL LIKE
I LEFT HIM I KNOW IT SOUNDS STUPID BUT I AT LEAST COULD GO TO HIS
GRAVE AND TALK TO HIM WHEN THINGS GOT REAL HARD
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
HE WOULD BE THE BEST GRANDPA AND I COULD SEE HIM FISHING WITH ME
AND MY KIDS AND GRAN KIDS I WOULD BE SO HAPPY I WOULD ALWAYS BE
THERE FOR HIM
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
THAT THE ONE PERSON WHO REALLY LOVED ME LEFT ME
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
DISAPEAR
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
AT THE FUNERAL AND I JUST WANTED TO HOLD HIM AND ASKED HIM PLEASE
DO NOT LEAVE ME
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
N\A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NOTHEN
--Religious Affiliation:
BAPTIST
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I HOPE THERE IS A HEAVEN AND I WILL SEE MY DAD AGAIN
--Regarding MONEY:
HAVING TO BORROW MONEY TO BEARY MY DAD
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
THEY WANTED ME SIT RIGHT BUY HIS CASKET AND I COULD NOT I STOOD
BACK AND THEN CALLAPSED
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO MY KIDS WHY AND HOW GRANDPA DIED
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
N\A
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I HAD MY SON AND THEY SAY MY HEART STOPPED AND ALL I REMEMBER WAS
FLOOTING ABOVE MY BODY WATCHING PEOPLE WORK ON ME AND I WANTED MY
BABY AND I WOKE UP IN ICU
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
THERE IS NO WAY TO DEAL WITH ALL OF IT SO MUCH BAD THINGS HAPPENED
AND I STILL THINK THAT HE COULD NOT FORGIVE HIMSELF FOR WHAT HE DID
TO ME EVEN THOUGH I FORGAVE HIM AND I NEEDED HIM SO BAD AND I FEEL
THAT IS WHY HE SHOT HIMSELF OVER ME
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
WHY HE DID IT AND I WOULD MAKE SURE HE KNEW HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM AND
I FORGAVE HIM FOR EVERYTHING AND I WOULD WANT JUST ONE MORE HUG AND
KISS. THIS WOULD HELP ME SAY GOOD BYE I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOOD BYE
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I HAD NOT SLEPT IN DAYS AND WHEN I DID FOR THE FIRST TIME ONLY A
HALF HOUR MY DAD CAME TO ME AND SAID HE WAS SORRY AND HE LOVED ME
AND WOULD WATCH OVER ME AND THE KIDS. I BEGGED HIM TO COME BACK
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME AND HE LOOKED SAD AND WAS GONE I SWEAR TO
THIS DAY HE WAS THERE.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I THINK NO ONE SHOULD DIE IN PAIN ARE ALONE AND IF THEY WISH TO
END THERE SUFFERING THEY SHOULD HAVE THAT RIGHT
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I WOULD SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH MY KIDS AND MAKE SURE THEY KNEW I
LOVE THEM VERY MUCH..BUT I AM SCARED OF DEATH
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
TAMMY ROBISON
HAD 4 GREAT KIDS AND ALWAYS TOOK IN KIDS THAT HAD
NO PLACE TO GO. LOVED ANIMALS.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
NOTHEN HELPED BUT I DID SEE A PHYIC HOPING TO TALK TO MY DAD IT
WAS STUPID
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
NOT REALLY
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
MY AUNT JANET THAT I HAD NOT MET YET IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO ACCEPTS
ME FOR WHO I AM NO MATTER WHAT I DO SHE MAY NOT AGREE BUT SHE STILL
LOVES ME AND BELIEVES IN ME LIKE MY DAD DID
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
NOTHEN HELPED I WENT DOWN TO 84 POUNDS BEFORE I RELIZED I HAD TO
LIVE FOR MY KIDS
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
NO ONE UNDERSTOOD WHY I COULD NOT JUST ACCEPT IT I HAD NO ONE TO
LEAN ON
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
JUST BE THERE FOR ME AND LISTEN AND NOT EXPECT THINGS TO BE LIKE
THEY WERE
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I THINK IT WAS HELPFUL BUT ALSO BROUGHT ALOT OF PAIN BACK FROM
LOSING MY DAD AND ALSO REALIZE HOW MY FAMILY WAS NOT THERE FOR ME
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Tue Sep 28 03:34:49 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65.
--Details:
Mum had had a liver operation 3 years ago to remove a carcinod. It
took her about a year to recover after wich she had a year of ok
health. Then she started to get a pain in her leg the doctors all
told her it was artharitas. She never believed this - she told
on several occasions over the last year she was going to die. No
one believed her. The family helped her with what we thought was
artheritas encouraging her to get up and move about even on days
she felt so ill she could not. 6 mths ago her symptons got worse not
only was she in great pain with her leg but she started being sick,
flushing and bad stomach. Despite her previous carcinoid the doctor
still said nothing was wrong and she was just depressed. I took her
to A & E here they confirmed her carcinoid had returned and because
it had been untreated it had damaged her heart valves!! They sent
her home! She went bak to her specialist and this time he believed
her- they thought it had returned to her liver - they where wrong
the CT scan showed no tumor. They made her an appointment for
an MRI for 16/08 she never made it as she died on 16/08!
By the
end she had lost 4stone in weight and could not move her arm. She
went into hospital on 10/08 so they could do tests but it was too
late. She detrioted fast and by the saturday was in ICU. We sat with
her constantly and she was so calm - she knew as she had from the
start that she was dying - but comforted us. She did not want to
die she fought it all the way trying to breath,this went on until
the monday 16/08 when she finally died.
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--That first time, how it happened was
My sister who was 18mths died when i was 4. She died suddenly from
an illness - in the morning she had a cold in the afternoon she
was dead!!!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the empitness
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to talk about it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time i spent talking to my mum just before she died
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being outside
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being alone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
cherish the time and talk to the person, hold there hand.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mum was so coherent and clear and calm and yet her body was dying
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's the only way that you can cope with the unthinkable amount
of stress
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have one more day with her - but with her well.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to tell her how I felt about her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
although i was when my mum died I still can't believe she has died
and when i think about it, it si still as though I have just been
told - shock.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I realise that there not as knowledgable as I once thought.
Before
I thought that they could help with any crisis now I do not I feel
that you should always question hteir judgement - their only human!
--Religious Affiliation:
Before mum was dying I did not believ - during the prcess of dying I
felt strongly that she was going somewhere else to be with my sister,
however now I'm not so sure and feel guilty about encouraging her
to join my sister.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
when she was ding I was scared for her - it felt warm and full,
it was only after her death the empitiness came.
--Regarding MONEY:
it became meaningless, people are far more impotant.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone was so kind, and people we had not seen for years was
there. They all brought different memories of her and it felt like
she was still there just for that one day.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
was the feeling at the time of her dying that she was going on to
somewhere else. When she took her last breath I was there and she
was there even after she died she was there. But when I left the
room while the nurses saw to her and the returned she had gone -
her body was there but she was not. And later at the funeral palour
when I saw her body again - it was not her.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
listen to the person who is ill they know their body best. Skin
colour, eyes and weight lose.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my mum saw vivadly people singing and biblical figures this gave her
great comfort. She also saw a man at the end of her bed -wearing
a hat and playiny a trumoet she did not like him and asked us to
pull the curtain around her so she could no longer see him. She
also though we had put the christmas tree up for her and thank us
for doing so, she loved christmas.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel I let her down not believing at first how ill she was. I
dont know how to resolve this. I keep needing to go to her grave
but when I get there I feel let down as it is her I want to see.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
To hear her say she loves me and tell her that I love her. Ask her
forgiveness for not helping her more when she was ill.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have always feared going downstairs at night but since my mothers
deat this no longer scares me
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have never feared dying because what ever happens I will e with
my sister and now my mum. It's the people that are left my children
and partner I could not bear not to see them again.
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
None of my family talked about my sister after she died, it wasn't
until this year 32 years after her death, when my mum was dying
that her name has become a household word again
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes it has helped
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Sun Sep 26 20:08:10 2004
F54 in Staten island, ny =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 3 Months ago.
Cause of Death: ruptured brain aneurysm; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving us and never seeing them again....not knowing what death
is......just gone. here one minute and dead the next
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
got scared
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
emptyness,, fright......missing and guilt
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i have no support
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being alone with no system support, being frightened and
alone.....destitue and afraid to live without him
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that someone he/she loves is waiting for him/her
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
want to be with him every ay
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i seen him fine and alive to have im suddenly have his brain explode
to his brain death a week later
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have him enjoy life.....to away with him .....and be a better wife
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there to say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think of him ..and our lives apart
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would have made him happier and not have this guuilt
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i should have gone instead
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die peacefully in my sleep so i can be with him once again..i dont
know if he is ok without me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
numb
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
trickery......god is unmerciful
--Religious Affiliation:
catholoc
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
wishing i could have felt him as i did others that passed in my life
--Regarding MONEY:
wishing we saved
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the mememorial.......a celebration of life
and his veterans
honor buriel
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having it happen to me
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
fading away........changing from pink to grey
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
that you should have been there for me and treated me as your
wife....taken care of me and cared and said i love you....taking
me in your arms and showing me what i meant to you...being more
mature..and stop letting me be your mother instead your wife.....
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
to go with him.......
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
quick without pai
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
good mother, wife and caring.....self sacrifice
and made everyone
happy andnot herself
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
no one helped.......i am alone.......everyone dont care
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no
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Sun Sep 26 15:47:33 2004
M53 in Berkeley, California =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
look up "bardo"
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Prof/Studies: anthropology instructor
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
American Book of the Dead, Mystique of Enlightenment
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
E. J. Gold, U. G. Krishnamurti
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: fentanyl prescription overdose; Aged: 45.
--Details:
Other brother, 52, shot himself in the head 2 years later (2001).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the understated, negated substratum of all our experience.
Probably
the motivator for the overstated, artificially distorted superstratum
of all our experience: sex.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was surpeised by its unexpected power & depth.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
loss & sorrow.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is always present. I have seen an incredible contrast in India,
where death is apparently, openly present.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
presence, when I remember.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing, literally.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
& remains emotional instability.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
try to reduce verbal expression, but allow the other either verbal
or non-.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have a good excuse, when I want to fall back upon it, for blaming
one brother's death on the pathetic U. S. biomedical system, &
the other brother's death on the military-industrial war addicted
Vietnam (& continuing) tragedy.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wonder about my brothers' recurrence...
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
"there are some here among us
who feel life is but a joke."
(sometimes me)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
save them from their tragic lives.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
continue to have a passion for life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
time was so different the day before & after.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
others' awkward expressions of sympathy.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I play certain music, in order to cry.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
eternal recurrence, which in my opinion, is probably real.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to sacrifice youth to those old corrupt escapist bastards (who seem
to escape) i.e., "the good die young".
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know death personally, immediately.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
did not get the chance to complete the relationships. Which is a
minor detail compared to their respective incompletions.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust, later sorrow for the waste.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n. a.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the overwhelming wish to communicate. Did we?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
recurring addiction patterns, mostly unheeded.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
stages are random, & no one graduates.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I recall the living confused one.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I'm not a positivist, but most "near-death" claims seem explicable as
(traumatic) birth memories.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Others who wish to participate in any small communitarian experiment
in conscious death awareness.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
both seem to have been overwhelmed by the terrors of the bardos,
not strong enough to project images to me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Medical non-intervention is important.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My life has become organized around death preparation.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
"lived in Taoist obscurity."
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Judy Collins, Bob Dylan, Emmylou Harris, others.
Also practicing
tantra.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Seeing, & teaching, as an anthropology professor:
Death is
everywhere, in each moment.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Hopefully more empathy for each...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
many of the above...
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
another brother committed suicide, 2 years later
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Humans need to listen to each other - a difficult task.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Thanks for the opportunity to re-affirm my membership in the
community of the recently deceased or soon-enough dead!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
It's already perfect!
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Wed Sep 22 03:28:14 2004
F51 in Victorville, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Nurse
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 56.
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--Death Is:
when your body dies and physical life ends.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was six. My grandmother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was sad and glad.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Deal with death in your own way and not in ways others say.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
most people are sincere.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Lonliness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Smile and remeber the happy times.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
prayed and God answered my prayers.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Nothing. I'm not afraid of death and I'm ready to die when my Lord
is ready to take me home.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my mother was probably laughing with me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Nothing. My mother and I had a wonderful relationship.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend the time with my mother.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
on her birthday.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't waste my time with such thought. Why?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my mother's life was so difficult and the suffering was
so intense.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Not for me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
she's not just a phone call away anymore.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Why isn't there a cure for cancer? Or is there?
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
My mother was in a care facility and they were great.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
on the money.
--Regarding MONEY:
the insurance paid for everything.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was beautiful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
disgarding the worldly possessions.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
friends and family.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
It hasn't.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I talk to all my loved ones as I did with my mother. I have
no
unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
This didn't happen to me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Sometimes, I hear my mother call my name and I actually look for her.
I still have dreams of my mother.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
All my arrangements are done and paid.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've been able to deal with the deaths of my loved ones, so far.
My husband is still alive.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I pray, alot.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I pray.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I prayed and the Lord answered.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel sorry for the people who have issues with these questions.
I'm not afraid of death. I'm at peace with death and I owe that
to my relationship with God.
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Sat Sep 11 15:11:29 2004
F51 in Victorville, = ?? =
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Holy Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 56.
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--Death Is:
when our body can no longer survive.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't believe I was to never see this person again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Her suffering was over.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
read the Bible more.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know Jesus Christ and believe in heaven and God.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My realtionship with God and my friends and prayer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I wouldn't be able to pick up the phone and take to her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Prayer.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
think about her everyday and remember the last couple of years we
spent together. I'm so thankful for the last couple years.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
All the issues between us appear not to be such and issue.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
everyone deals with stress differently.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend time at home.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
take a year off work and spend with my mother.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people you haven't seen in years, show themselves at a wake
or funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Seating arrangements.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I don't. I miss my mother, but when I think of her I can
smile
and good feelings come over me because I know I'm apart of her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
God only knows.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Because of my relationship with Christ. I don't have these
feelings.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I doesn't get that difficult for me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was relieved.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They're not God. They did everything that was available.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I didn't have hospice. I have God. That's why I'm not tortured.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The involvement of my church was minimal. My relationship with
God was everything.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
God is the same to everyone.
--Regarding MONEY:
I paid for everything.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't know most of the people attending.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Her not being there anymore
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Prayers
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Tue Sep 7 19:01:08 2004
F39 in Delavan, WI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 1 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 54.
--Details:
Her cancer caused kidney failure and then multiple organ failure.
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--Death Is:
the end of our time in this body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to understand the depth of the issue.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not knowing what to say to anyone including the ill person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that she was confused and didn't know how near the time was
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
keeping busy
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that I don't know whats really out there after death
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have been able to cope
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she said, "it isn't fair" and I knew she was right
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time together and talk about things that really matter
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
express my loe for her
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm alone with my thoughts
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that some people die so young and others live so long
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
change it all and take the cancer away
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was devastated
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment. I thought we had come so much farther
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
didn't use hospice
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it was helpful in accepting the death because "she is with God"
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a non-practicing Lutheran
--Regarding MONEY:
we had to plan for what we could afford rather than what she
wanted. Fortunately, it worked out that we were able to afford the
entire funeral as she would have liked, but it was thanks to the
kindness of others.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that afterwards I was completely exhausted. I also thought that the
whole thing was a very strange custom and wondered why we even do
such a strange thing.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when I heard that she died and I immeadiately began wondering which
of our deceased loved ones had come to escort her.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I wasn't present at the time of death but I do believe that this
happens. Anyway I hope so.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am fortunate and fell that we had no unresolved issues
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dreamed that I came home from work and my father who had died when
I was seven was sitting in our recliner. I talked and talked with
him about many things although I couldn't remember what they were
when I woke up. I wasn't afraid yet I felt that the conversation
was sort of a "get ready" for whatever is going to happen next. I
felt very uncomfortable that he had come to visit and thought that
something must be wrong. Now I am sure that it was about my sister
getting cancer.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My sister did not have a legal document filled out but always said
she wanted "everything". I think most people don't really understand
what "everything" really means. I think a persons requests should
be honored no matter what but think the living will is an important
document.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about this often and wonder how I would react. I think
I would be terrified upon first learning it. The I hope I would
be strong and fight to live but also die gracefully, without a
struggle and with a deeper understanding of what is after death. I
often think I shuld do that now while I am healthy.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was a loving mother
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
It was hard juggling everything including work, motherhood, houshold,
husband. I could have used a babysitter now and then just to catch
up on things or get some sleep, or go to the hospital.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
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Mon Sep 6 20:36:35 2004
F62 in laurel, maryland =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I wasn't ready to say goodbye (about sudden unexpected death)
and books relating to loss of a child
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
??
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 18 Months ago.
Cause of Death: sudden cardiac arrythmia; Aged: 19.
--Details:
My son was playing indoor soccer at the college where he was a
freshman. He collapsed and died on the court. CPR was tried to
no avail. There were no defibrillators there. He was DOA at the
hospital of previously undiagnosed caridac arrythmia
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--Death Is:
possibly the passage to another level of being. I am not sure
because no one has actually returned from the dead. Yet I have a
very strong sense that my son is with me in spirit, altho not in
body now.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 18 and my grandmother whom I adored died of cancer. I was not
with her when she died. My father died of a heart attack when I
was 25. My mother and I were sitting in the next room. He did
not cry out. When we went to wake him for supper he was dead.
My son's death at 19 has been the very hardest for me because he
was so young and healthy.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Thinking of my sons death - I remember the pain in my chest and
the inability to breathe. I remember the support my husband, two
daughters and myself received from our friends, and most importantly
from my son's girlfriend and his guy friends. The love and caring
helped me. But I still feel huge waves of grief come over me,
although they are less frequent and usually less intense now.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is OK to grieve. We don't have to "get over it" in a set period
of time. b
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Daniel's death has caused me to look at my own life and to focus
on doing things that make me happy. None of us knows how much time
we have left. It has also reminded me that my love ones may leave
this life at any moment.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The support of my husband and the fact that we could hold each other
and cry if we wanted to. I believe it increased our love for each
other. Also, my daughters have been supportive and we have bonded
with them in a new way. Reading was very important for me. I bought
every book I could find on the death of a child. I also go to an
on-line chat room for bereaved parents. That helped me tremendously.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I lost my baby boy. I will never see him again in this life.
For a long time, I felt as if I were living on an alien planet.
All my hopes for him, all my caring for him were over. He will
not ever come back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Hold their hand. LIke I held my mother's when she was dying in our
home. Try to be patient. Ask the dying person what he or she sees.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have kept going. At first, it was all I could do to get up. I went
to work 3 days a week. I cried and cried. Yet I kept on putting one
foot in front of the other. People told me I was so brave, that they
did not know how I could do it. But what other choice did I have?
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I got the phone call that he had collapsed. Daniel did not drink
or smoke. He worked out every day. And I had seen him just two
days before he died. I still cannot make sense of it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this does not apply to me. I did not laugh for a long time
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him or at least be with him when he died. I would have told
him I love him more than my own life and that I am so grateful that
he was my son, even for that short period of time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through the funeral and see all the people who came to show
their love for Dan and for us. I am so happy to hear of the impact
my son had on the lives of his friends and how they loved him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the concern shown by the police woman who called to inform me that
Dan had collapsed and that we should get to the hospital as soon
as possible. Later she sent me a sympathy card.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
??
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear music he and I both liked. When someone asks me how many
children I have. When I see other young people his age growing up
and maturing. When I think of how he made me laugh.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I can't really think about that without crying. Daniel would be
a junior in college. We would be talking about his plans - how he
wanted to move to NYC after college.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that terrorists and murderers live long lives and Dan died at 19
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go with him into the next life
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I have lost my baby. Nothing I can do will make the situation
better. I just have to get thru it somehow.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they could not do much for Daniel as he collapsed and died very
suddenly. The hospital staff was very considerate of us and
let us stay with him for hours. The Medical Examiner was always
considerate and polite when I called her to discuss the ME's report
and autopsy. When I asked questions about the cause of death.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
meant different things to all of us. I found the funeral ritual
comforting. I know with my heart that Dan's spirit ccan see me.
He was not much of a fan of organized religion, yet was a very
spiritual person
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true to what I am experiencing. I don't feel anger at God, and yet
I don't feel protected either. After all, the son I loved so much
was taken just as he was entering adult hood. But I do feel Dan's
spirit with me and I hope he feels mine with him
--Regarding MONEY:
we no longer had to pay his college tuition
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the immense outpouring of love and sorrow. The most remarkable
thing was at the end of the viewing when 8 or 10 of Dan's friends
formed a semi-circle around his coffin and stood with their arms
around each other for a long time.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I could not breathe. that I had to have some article of his
clothing with me when I slept at first.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
no signs at all were present. It was sudden and unexpected
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I have had to honor myself and to accept the stage I was in at any
given moment. I also had to accept that we all grieve in different
ways and to be considerate of the proces my family was going through
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was not with Daniel when he died. But I was with my mother.
She had a vision of talking to my father who had been dead for
17 years. She also saw white clouds and purple flowers. I felt my
mother moving into that other state. she was peaceful and wanted
her dying to be over.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had an almost fatal head injury as the result of having been
hit by a car. I don't remember any of it for about 10 days, but
they told my husband I probably wouldnot live. While I have no
near-death memories, I was truly near death. My recovery has been
described by the doctors as a miracle. I guess my purpose here has
not been fulfilled yet
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am so grateful that Daniel had lived thru the tumultuous teenage
years and was developing into a fine young man. When he left our
house two days before he died, I told him I loved him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him I loved him and always have. That I was sorry I
nagged him about his homework so often. That he made me laugh and
that his intelligence amazed me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
When my son died, his girlfriend didn't really want a religious
funeral, and my son my not have either. But I am glad that we
did have a service to honor him and his memory. Some people in
the church tried to convince me to have a more elaborate service,
but I knew Dan would not want that. That was one thing I resented.
That they kept bugging me about how the more elaborate service would
be better for his soul. I never thought that it would. Also,
I am glad that Daniel was buried rather than cremated because I
visit his grave several times a week. People are always leaving
different mementos there.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't know yet how I will feel. I hope I have a chance to say
goodbye to my family. If I knew I were to die very soon, I would
like to travel a bit
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was a good mother, or tried to be. She was loyal and
compassionate. She was stubborn and driven to succeed. She
sometimes drove her children, but they loved her. She was very
educated and made good career contributions. she tried to be a good
daughter, but could have done better. She loved her husband. And
she always did the best she could.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, I have very strong new relationships with some women who
were so supportive and caring and continue to be. I have closer
relationships with my daughters, because I now have experienced
how transitory all relationships are.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
the funeral
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I am getting a certification in Grief and Bereavement counseling so
that perhaps my experience may benefit others. I am also writing
a book about Dan and his life and death. I participate in a weekly
chat room for bereaved parents and we all help each other
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Somewhat useful. I really did not participate in my son's death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Perhaps dealing with unexpected death.
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Mon Sep 6 00:06:43 2004
M50 in Houston, Texas =USA=
Name: SL Shoemaker
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jacob's ladder
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Prof/Studies: Professor of Philosophy
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More personal info:
Nothing significant
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Pray for Owen Meany & Cider House Rules
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
John Irving
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
--Details:
My mother died of the disease four years later - to borrow from
Heart of Darkness: oh, the horror!!!!
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--Death Is:
Let me ponder this one
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Wished him well
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Thinking how he deserved it
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is truly a terminal experience
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I am sorry - I have no pertainate answer to this inquiry
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Th walk. Transcendentalism. Always a crutch,
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
No possiblities left
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there - I was not. I have never gotten to say goodbye.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Miss her - enjoy othes while you can
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My poor daughter blamed me for the loss of her grandmother
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Holding my mother's hand and talking to her as her body laid there.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye. I wish I could have done more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I do not think this applies
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Grief hit me
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel my "family" forgets me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We are happy
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That her husband lived and treated me so when she died so horribly
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back home
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Kubler-Ross - I denied.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Disdain
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
There were more conscious of lawsuits than treatment
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing at all
--Religious Affiliation:
None
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Empty. We are biological entities. See Borges' "Borges and I."
--Regarding MONEY:
Too expensive - cost me my step-family.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The sympathy I received
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
A course I took in college - "Death and Dying" - helped
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The loss of weight and the smell
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Only time
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
None - there was but pain
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Your kidding, right? These are cultural manestfestations.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel sorry that I did not do more for them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I am afraid dreams are not real, Plato. Some may find this
comforting, but I find it trivalizing.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
You must be kidding, now. How can one take this seriously if you
enter into the supernatural?
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Music. At my send off I want certain music played.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It is coming. I do not want the end, but I cannot stop it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I have written a number of obits - but I have no one who can write
mine; it seems to be a vanishing art, like poetry. But, who reads
anymore? By the way, I am a teacher and poet.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
None.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Again - rituals? The path of superstition and weakness. I
mean... deal with it! It hurts! They are wrongly gone.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Nope.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
There is no dealing with death, only acceptance
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
Who cares? Others die, but why burden the survivors with inane tales?
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I had to carry the coffin of a woman who taught, gave her life
to others for forty-six years, because no one else was there.
A sad moment for humanity.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The beginnig brought tears of recollection, but the supernatural
stuff was a bring down.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No. The vast majority of people rely on supernatural mythologies -
keep it.
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Sun Sep 5 16:16:48 2004
F50 in Adelanto, California =usa=
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Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: massive stroke; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a person departing from this life to go to an unknown place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 1 1/2 years old It was my Grand dads he died in a car accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people tried to tell me that he was asleep not that he was dead.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that sometimes it comes quick and painless to those it takes and
sometimes we don't expect those to go.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
take me instead
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have told them that I loved them more often then I did
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
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How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Fri Sep 3 14:38:26 2004
F19 in Apple Valley, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology
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Prof/Studies: Student/Tutor/After School Advisor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain anuriam; Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
rhe end of life on earth, and the beginning of eternal life,
whether in heaven or in hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very hurt, upset and shocked. My aunt was very close to me, and
her death was very unexpected, but through time and faith in God,
the pain healed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How devestated my uncle and cousins were during and after the death
of my aunt.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not preventable...if it is an individual's time to die,
nothing can be done about it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how the rest of my famliy came together around the death of my aunt
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I would not be able to see my aunt on earth again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To just be a listener when someone else needs it. A listening ear
can be one of the most powerful things to a suffering person
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was just thinking of the happy times I had with my aunt
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend a little more time with my aunt and my uncle and cousins
while she was still here.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
HAve a good relationship with her always
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Christmas Eve comes around.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Very quiet and sad about the loss os her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
admiration
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A strong, stable place to go to and be encouraged and comforted
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian...Church of Christ
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that it was a happy time to remember and reflect on the impact my
aunt had on those around her.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't believe in it
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues, so moving on has not been a problem
for me, these last few years.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
That I should not have unresolved issues with my famuly and friends
and that I should always try to be a nice, caring person at every
moment I can.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would hope it would say that I was a commited Christian young
woman, full of spirit and love. I would hope to see that I had made
a positive difference in the kids lives, that I come in contact
with at work, and I would hope it would say that I was a happy,
uplifting person to be around.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, with other family members. My aunt's bothers were not speaking
at the time of her death, and one was not a part of our family. He,
his wife, and my cousins are now an active part of my family and
I really enjoy having them in my life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Time also helped heaL the pain
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am indifferent about this questionnaire.
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Thu Sep 2 11:55:27 2004
F19 in South Bend , Indiana =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I am in a Psychology class, just looking up things about experiments.
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17 or 18.
--Details:
I saw him not long before he commit suicide. I had only spoke with
him a few times. His face appeared everywhere in papers. He seemed
fine to me, but I did not know him well. He wrote a letter to his
family,I never knew what was said. Apparently he felt like he was
no comparison to his brother. After his death, more people were
affected than anyone could have dreamed of. I had several dreams
about him talking to me from wherever he is now. I said prayers
for him and the dreams ended.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you end life here on earth, and receive judgement from your
creator.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not sure how to react, not wanting to cry, but not wanting to
look disrespectful
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died. He had Emphazima. I did not want to see him
in the hospital like that, he died while he was there. I cried a
little, but I tried not to talk to those who were very upset.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the dreams I had about him talking to me from what may have been
heaven.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
prayer ended my dreams. I feel like I may have helped all the people
who have died that I pray for.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I try not to cry, and to not think about it. But when it seems
impossible to do so, I talk with people about it. My mom is helpful
in that respect.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing why they are gone. why nick killed himself, wondering
about my own death and how it will happen.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk with Nick some more. Get to know him better. Maybe I could
have made him change his mind about pulling the trigger. Help him
to see how valuable he was to so many people.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
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How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
I tried not to think about it, I guess I kept myself distracted,
but also avoided people who were not handling it very well.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Whenever anyone dies, it makes me think of when I will die. It
scares me.
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Wed Sep 1 19:35:32 2004
F50 in San Antonio, Tx =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
San Antonio College
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Prof/Studies: Gerontology study
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 54.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of living here on earth. I believe there is a God above
who is taking care of our loved ones and that helps me to deal with
the death of a loved one.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only 12. I missed him very much but time has helped to heal
the pain and the fact that I know that he is in a better place.
He is no longer suffering.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock of someone knocking on my door to tell me that my husband
has been killed in a car accident.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the end of life here on earth.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the people in my life that have died knew how much I loved them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the sudden shock of losing him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know that you care about them and that is ok to let go
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
allowed my friends and family to help by being there for me.
We must let our friends and family know we love them for we never
know who will be here tomorrow
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was not confused. I know that everyone must go sometime and that
we must accept it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughing is a reaction. Sometimes people laugh as a stress reliever
so it is ok.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
no regrets about things I did beforehand
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have had the time to spend with them
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I am not sure what you want here but what comes to mind is the
lovely neighbors I had at the time. One of them had my yard mowed
for me which was one of the nicest and most thoughtful things that
was done for me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Yes, I still cry sometimes but I know that in the condition he
was in after the accident, he would not want to have lived. I cry
because I miss him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I cannot dwell on what might have been - I must live for today
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
A lot of people think that and life is not fair but God is good.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I cannot think about that - I must keep myself busy
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It is hard to accept at first but with time we learn to deal with it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there is nothing that they could have done. The EMTs did all they
could but it was not possible to save him.
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
God has a place for everyone. We must just ask him to forgive us
for we have all done wrong.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone there was very kind and considerate.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
just let them know that you are there for them - give them whatever
makes them happy within reason
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just to say I Love You one more time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My husband had no will or expressed no funeral wishes. I have a
will and I have let the necessary people know what I want when I die.
It is too much to burden someone else with.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Not really - just that I know that someday I will die also. I try
not to make any enemies and to let the people I care about know it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I do not want my obit in the paper. I just want the people that
cared about me when I was alive to remember me in their own pleasant
thoughts as someone who cared.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, I have. I found friends and I also found grediness among
the family.
Wed Sep 1 18:56:19 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
San Antonio College
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
I have had several family members and even some friends die. To me,
everyone must die sometime - yes, it is hard but I believe that
they are being taken care of in a better place.
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See Aug 04 contributions.
See Jul 04 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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