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See Current contributions.
See Apr 04 contributions.
See Mar 04 contributions.
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Sun May 23 12:23:47 2004
M17 in Racine, WI =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I WIll Remember You: A Guidebook Through Grief for Teens
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Laura Dower and Elana Lister, MD.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 49.
--Details:
He had lung cancer which the doctors didn't pick up on until the
cancer had spread to his lymph nodes and then to his bones. By then,
it would have taken a miracle to save him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
merely a part of the process of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock and wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Everybody
around me was grieving, but I didn't know the person so I didn't
know how to react.
--That first time, how it happened was
My most significant experience with death would have to be losing
my dad. I was involved in it obviously because he was my own father.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not wanting it to be real even though I had been the one holding
his hand, watching him struggle in those last moments and telling
him I would be okay, that it was okay to let go.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't just a four day grieving process. Our society seems to
think that you should be okay after a certain number of days. They
simply do not understand.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having a closer relationship with the rest of my family members
whom I did not really know before my father's death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
seeing my pshychotherapist. She helps me through the grieving
process. Since she isn't directly involved in the situation, I can
talk to her about how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking without
worrying about upsetting her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
people expecting everything to be normal and for me to be just fine;
having strangers comfort me when all I wanted was for my dad to hug
me and tell me it would be okay; preparing to make the largest leaps
in my life without the comfort of knowing he's there to catch me
if I fall; knowing I have to grow up without his guidence; having
to grow up too fast.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
holding their hand and going through fond memories with each other.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can make it through this no matter how hard it may seem at times
and that from this experience, you learn not to sweat the small
things and look at the "big picture". Another thing would be how
you prioritize the things in your life, some things seem to find
a whole new meaning in your life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to break the pattern of denial in my way of dealing with
things.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's completely fine. It's just and overwhelming experience that
sometimes all we can do is laugh when there is nothing else left
to do or say.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take more pictures and videos of my dad when he was healthy.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to him and ask him a lot of questions before his time was up.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my dad hugged me tightly and told me he wished he could have given
me more time with him or when he squeezed my hand and winked at me
letting me know it was going to be okay.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the damn kemo therapy. I think it made the situation worse. I think
that's what killed him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go to do things that me and my dad would have done together or
when I smell someone wearing his cologne.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I know I would take more things for granted, but I know I would be
doing much better in school, I woudln't have nearly as much stress
on my shoulders, I would have more friends, I would be happier.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that everybody else seems to think I should be fine and that I should
move on. He was my foundation, my life revolved around him. My
life has been completely turned over. I SHOULD NOT be just fine,
it's impossible.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not be the girl with a million homework assignments due, or the girl
worrying about college, or the girl who appears to be "so strong"
but si really breaking on the inside, or the girl who just lost her
dad. I just want to be me, without any burdons. Not living in the
past or for the future. I just want to be me in this moment of time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was returning home on a plane from DC thinking about all of the
great things I had learned and how I wanted to tell my dad about
everything. Then I realized that for the first time in my life,
he wasn't going to be the one picking me up from the airport. He
wasn't going to be there for me to share all of my stories with. He
wasn't there to welcome me home. He wasn't there.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust. He was in and out of the hospital for a freaking year and
a half and they didn't know what was wrong but they didn't even
look for cancer for that whole YEAR. By then, it was too late.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the attitude of the person. They tend to know when it's coming.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial played the largest role. It is really hard to grasp the
concept that he's actually gone.
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I also have a very good psychotherapist
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy
I tend to keep myself too busy to deal with it, which in turn makes
me stay more in the state of denial.
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Sun May 23 09:23:29 2004
F45 in Valdosta, GA =USA=
Name: Sancious Griffith
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
searching for deathbed visions
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Prof/Studies: Nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 15 Days ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
--Details:
On May 6, 2004 my husband's oncologist told him he had more tumors
inhis lungs, and unfortunately he had exhausted all the forms of
chemo. He had done all he could and was now recommending hospice. My
husband fought against this verdict and convinced the dr to give
him one more round of radiation for pallative measures.
Beginning
that Thursday afternoon at sundown he would began to experience
shortness of breath. Friday he was getting weak. On Saturday May 8
at 5am he told me he was ready to go. THrough out the day he would
make statements pretaining to leaving such as I want to go home. 9pm
Saturday night he asked his son and I to let him go. He was alert
and coherent during his transition. As I laid my head upon his
chestI reminded him of his promise not to leave me and begged him
not to leave me and God not to take him. He began to talk with the
Lord. He told us that his vision had been vieled he could not see
us but he knew who we were when we spoke to him. After his sight
was gone he really talked to God in earnest asking to be taken
home. THe moment his life flashed before his eyes he made sure
we knew what was happening. He asked for forgiveness three times
and called on our Lord and Savior. At 3:45am he called me to his
side again and had we had a conversation much like we had during
the twenty-one years of our life. Then he told me "I got to go"
I whispered I know. He then patted my face hugged me told me loved
me and goodbye. At 4am the house settled down My husband and I still
talked to one another he lay back to sleep. I was intend on watching
him to make sure he was okay. I felt myself nod and jerked awake he
was taking his last breath. Twenty three minutes had elapsed. THe
amazing thing is he was alert oriented and coherent until the end.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The shedding of the physical and crossing over to merge with the
love of the Divine creator: God, the father and Jesus the son.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was traumatized and emotionally distraught the death of my father
at 16
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was sudden we never got to say goodbye.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is part of life and had been preordain by God. Death is nothing
but sleep and eternity awaits for those who are in the Lord
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
God allowed my husband to be in his right mind and allowed him to
direct us through the stages before his spirit left this realm. It
truly was a beautiful moment
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Friends, the memories prayers
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Saying goodbye at the rave knowing I waon't see him on this side
again. Actually being left behind
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Comforting to you and the person who is dying
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to keep him hear for a while when he wanted to go and how
the Holy Spirit spoke to let me know his time was God's will
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I understood everything
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Was in a state of unbelief for a long while. It seemed as it was
a dream
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My husband talked with the Lord and made us aware of whom he
spoke with
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Make sure all estate matters are in order
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't know
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I loved the Lord. My life was written each day I lived.
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I am still grieving and working through the process.
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Sat May 22 00:00:51 2004
F20 in Bossier City, Louisiana =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I looked up pshycology tests and found this site.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: asthma; Aged: 18.
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--Death Is:
I point of which all life is taken away from that person.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried for hours.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died when I was 1 year old. She died of an asthma attack.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I had to be the strong one in the family.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is bound to happen.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brought those close to that person closer to everyone else.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nothing I deal with it myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I was all by myself and had no one to share with.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be very uplifting.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Kept calm when it mattered for everyone else.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She lasted longer than they said she would
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didnt know them that well.
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How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
No one talked about it.
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Fri May 21 03:41:32 2004
M26 in kansas =usa=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: .
--Details:
Escaped from low security VA mental hospital. Was found a few weeks
later in an abandoned building.
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--Death Is:
infinate.
--That first time, how it happened was
Father commited suicide
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
anger that my father would leave us in such a way.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my brother died it ended years of suffering Cystic Fibrosis.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Writing
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Daily life.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Care for them
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was either laugh or go insane.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Take more time to spend with my brother before he died instead of
running around being a teenager.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Memories and emotions brought out in movies.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
try not to think like that
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Walk into the woods and live life as a hermit.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Basically put it in the back of my mind, tried to ingnore it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Disregard. Especially in the mental healt department
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
issues resolved
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
visiting father and brothers graves in the moonlight. Both are next
to each other
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
grandfather one year later (natural), Brother year after that
(natural)
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Mon May 17 21:07:01 2004
M21 in Buenos Aires, Buenos Aires =Argentina=
Name: Alexander
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Law student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: car crash; Aged: 24.
--Details:
In one split second, a bad maneuvre and a truck driving on the other
side of the road, made all the difference between life and death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the physical existence of a person. A single event which
isolates that person from everything and everyone they knew, and
possibly, the end of the person alltogether... it is the closing
event of a person s life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Did not understand it all too well due to my age. However, as I grew
older and began to understand what it was, I became terrified by
the simple fact that everyone is mortal, and that lives can finish
in a second. Not even allowing the person to at least say goodbye
to their loved ones and telling them how much they loved them one
last time.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was the fathers of my two best friends, which died in isolated
events, two months apart from each other.....
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
thinking that that person could have been me or any other person
that I love, and not knowing how to deal with that...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Mainly speaking with friends, although I am pretty sure that my
griefing process is far from over.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It is impossible to simply isolate one factor..... Everything is
terrible. There are empty spaces all around, and the fear of dying
without having been able to fullfill your goals or your dreams
is terrifying.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned how to express my feelings towards the people that I care
for in a far more honest way, and in a more day to day basis.
Letting everyone know how much they mean to me gave me the peace of
mind that comes from knowing that if something was ever to happen
to me, no matter when, the people that I loved knew how much they
meant to me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to test my faith in god at the moment in which I was begginig
to face the death of a loved one. The reason for this, is that
saying you believe in god and convincing yourself that you believe
in god on a superficial level is quite easy. The difficult part,
is keeping that faith in the moent in which it almost becomes
impossible to concieve the existence of god.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my friend how I felt for him, and how honoured I was to have
been part of his brief but amazing life...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him one last time before the whole event took place....
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people hugged each other and a bond of intense communication was
created amongst the people who were suffering, which did not need
words to be created. It was as if all there were one big mind,
and everyone was in the same mental wavelength....
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
words....
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
whenever I feel the empty space that person left.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
That is too hard even thinking of
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It is not fair that good people die, or that they die without being
able to fulfill their dreams. It seems almost sadistic, to think
that men are given the chance to dream and chase their dreams,
but that they are interrupted only half way through....
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
drink a potion to become immortal, and give it to all the people
that I love, so that we can be happy for eternity.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Actually, it is quite strange, but it took me quite a long time
until the death "hit me". It was not when I heard the news that
my friend had died, or when I spent the whole night crying, or even
at the burial. The moment in which it really hit, was when I felt
his absence in a place where we used to soend time together and
I realised that I would never be able to share that, or anything
else with him. At that specific moment, a profound feeling of
grief and despair took over me, and I had a small crisis.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
pure technicity. The only have a computer like knowledge of the
whole process and sometimes they want to solve everything with
a manual, when maybe the most important thing to do, is to try
to allow the family and friends to enjoy the last breath of the
"essence" of the person, which is slowly fading.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
all that which I hope with all my heart and my soul to be true.
Since if that is the truth, there is a better stage awaiting thos
who die. However, it is still hard to combine that faith with the
deep feeling of unjustice that you go through at that moment.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am currently a Roman catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
None
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the connection between all those present
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to approach other people with the knowledge that any of us
can and eventually will be next..
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I dont feel I have unsolved issues, however, it would have been
great to share at least one last hour before it happened
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Saying how we felt, and how important we were for each other.
This would have been great, simply to know that he knew...
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe people should be able to an honourable death if they
choose to, and that should never be taken away from them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would feel terrible if I knew I was about to die... There is
just s many things to do, and I do not want to leave without doing.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
A dreamer, and a person to whom his life, no matter how many years
it lasted, was too short.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Being extremely careful with what I have and very thankful of that.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
The fact that I am very outspoken about my feelings towards the
people that I love.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Not yet, but I do believe that crisis, is the moment in which the
strongest bonds are created.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I had support, and the greatest thing, was to hug someone and to
feel that althought their tongues did not spell the words, their
hearts and their brains said "I feel the same way"
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
A bit. It helps you to express in a higly anonymous way, things that
maybe are even too hard to tell yourself at the time. It is as if
your fingers wrote answers by themselves, and it is my unconscious
that writes the answers.
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Tue May 11 16:06:23 2004
M20 in apple valley, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Participation in part of a developmental psychology class assignment.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 36.
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--Death Is:
seperation from our body and this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand what happened but was upset from others being
upset.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
telling my self not to be so shocked because me and my friends were
not immune to bad thing happening to us.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
is that itis real and happens to everyone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The spiritual growth that was aquired by all affected.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting the cercumstances surrounding this death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen to what they have to say.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see the problems before they happened
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for others who did not deal with it as well as me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I talk to the family of the person who died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I had the thoughts that bad things can happen at any moment to
any person. One should always be comfortable with his relationship
with God.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
that I could do nothing to change the cercumstances
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The church is family and in times of trouble they are there to
support those who need the support.
--Religious Affiliation:
with the Church of Christ
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
was how well everyone could cope with the situation and focus on
the big picture that this person was no longer with us but was now
in paradise.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
adjusting to this person not being around anymore.
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How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy
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Mon May 10 21:01:55 2004
F27 in california =u.s.=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Patient, Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: .
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--Death Is:
The ending point of our short journey on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset and really didn't know how to deal with it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and hurting alot.
--What I think my (u.s.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it happens to everyone and its just a process of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she passed away quietly without pain
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
crying alot and trying not to think about it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing she was gone forever
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be loving and strong recap on the past
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
still can't deal with it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this didn't happen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be nicer to her when i was younger
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
doing this survey
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have done things better
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tears
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did a good job for what they were working with
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
thank goodness shes going to a good place and i'll see her again
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it is a good oppurtunity to express feelings although i skipped
alot of questions because I'm not yet ready to deal with all the
things you have confronted me with
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Mon May 10 20:31:01 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
homework assignment
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: an illness; Aged: 33 yrs old.
--Details:
She was sick, had a very bad liver, than my brother who was only 1
passed away, he was born with alot of problems, and when he passed
im told my mom just got very week :(
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
is someone leaving and going to hopefully a better place, the body
has died but the soul still lives somewere else
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was five years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the most recent death in my life was that of my mother-in-law. I had
known her for only 3 years, but i had become very close to her, she
was loved by soooo maannyyy people, her death was very unexpected,
and to be perfectly honest, its only been a few month, and im not at
all over it, i think of her everyday, i see the people that loved
her everyday, and it makes me cry, because i know they are still
morning her death, i love her and miss her, as well as everyone else
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that its not always a bad thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the relationship my father and sister and i built after my mother
passed away, we are very close and im grateful for that bond
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, and just crying and holding each other, know that i wasnt
alone, knowing that i was helping others know that they werent alone
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not seeing the person everyday, thinking of something you want to
tell them and not being able to
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to always be positive, try and laugh and smile and show them that
your ok to, because they need to know that you are gonna be ok when
there gone, even if your not
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can still talk to her, and i know she is listening, and i can yell
at her and be mad at her for leaving but thats ok, its ok to be
mad sometimes and its ok to yell
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was growing up and in girlscouts and there were all these mother
daughter things, why i didnt have a mom to go with
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
thinking of good memories
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good bye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to say she new i loved her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
a friend i hadnt talked to in months, showed up to be there for me,
without me even talking to her
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i watch a show we used to watch togeather
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Anger, WHY, its not fair
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
I was to young to really understand what was happening
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
being to young to deal with it
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Mon May 10 20:30:33 2004
F27 in Vernon, CT =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo's main page has a "social science" link, under "psychology"
and "research" there were lists of experiments to participate in
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide - gunshot wound to head; Aged: 53.
--Details:
My father had sexually abused me and my sisters. I had been in and
out of hospitals for years for self injuring behavior, depression,
PTSD, etc.. He drove to see me after Christmas, and I had cut myself
and was in the hospital again because I didn't want to see him.
He drove back home the next day and killed himself that night -
New Year's Eve. Also, 6 mo. prior he had lost a high paying job
as the president of a large company (he was replaced by a younger
employee who was getting paid half of what he made). He was
unable to find another comparable paying job. On New Year's Eve,
his 6 mo. of severance pay, company car, insurance etc.. ended.
He killed himself at 12:15 - if he had died 15 minutes earlier,
I would have gotten a $1 million life insurance policy because I
was still a minor (half the origional $2 mil pollicy because it
was a suicide). We never knew if this was intentional.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life on Earth as we know it. I think I believe there
is an afterlife, but it is possible that it is just nothing -
the end of existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 16 and troubled already. My father's suicide impacted me in
a way I can't fully describe.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that nobody knew how to feel. There was a mixture of deep sadness,
guilt, anger. Everybody dealt with it in different ways. My sister
shot up herion for the first time that day, and became a herion
addict - her life, and the lives of her children were ruined from
that day on. My other sister showed no emotion, and never has.
My mother has never gotten over it, and I went through a few really
difficult years until I went in to therapy and eventually dealt
with it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Suicede is still kind of a "taboo" topic, that carries a certain
stigma, but people who have family members commit suicide still
need the same support as people who have family members die in
different ways. We still hurt! We still want to talk about it!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
therapy
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
confusion, mixed emotions,
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye, tell him I loved him, tell him how much his suicide
would hurt so many people
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
things happen that I wish he could have been there to see. When he
died, I was a screwed up teenager, and angry at him for having
abused me. But I loved him so much. When I graduated college
( which nobody ever thought I would do when I was a teenager)
and got married - I wished he could have seen me succeed. I wish
he could have seen my children. Whenever something good happens,
I wish he could have been proud of me, or there to see it, and it
makes me so sad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It's easier to like him now that he is dead, but the reality is
that he was a sick and abusive man (even though he also had a lot of
good points) I believe he wouldn't have been part of my adult life,
or else I wouldn't have been able to deal with my issues caused by
his abuse.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he took the easy way out and left us with all the pain he
created.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--Regarding MONEY:
my father's child support and alimony wasn't insured, which meant
that we were immediately poor. In addition, my father left nothing
to me or my sisters, and left everything to his wife of 3 months.
This was very hurtful.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't get to go!!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
About a month after my father died, I had the most vivid dream I
have ever had in my entire life. I woke up in a cold sweat, and
to this day, I can still remember how real it felt. In the dream,
my father was talking to me. It's personal, so I can't describe
it here, but all I can say is that it felt sooo real.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to make sure my family follows through on my wish to be an
organ donor. I would want to do everything I could if there was any
chance of me surviving, because I am young and have young children.
If I was a vegetable, or if there was no hope left, I would want
my family to do it their way - keep me alive until they were ready
to let go (whatever would make it easier for them to deal with).
When I am old though, and my children are grown, I believe I should
have the choice of how I want to die - even if that means assisted
suicide (if I had a painful and terminal disease)
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I found out I was going to die, I wouldn't be worried about me.
I'm not especially scared of dying. I would be scared of what
would happen to my children when I was gone, and soooo sad that
I wouldn't be able to be there to watch them grow up. I would be
concerned about the people who love me, especially my kids, and I
would want to do everything I could to make it easier for them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
therapy, self-destructive behavior, drugs.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
not going to funeral, people's reactions (stigma associated with
suicide) anger
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you should address the issues involved with suicide and
murder, because those types of deaths involve issues that are
different from the issues surrounding death by illness or accident.
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Mon May 10 12:49:25 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Class Term Paper for Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 22 Years ago.
Cause of Death: not sure; Aged: OLD.
--Details:
I still don't remember the cause of her death. I remember her being
sick and in the hospital for a while and she never came home from
the hospital.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
For us humans, Death is a process. Most of us believe that when
we die, we either go to heaven or hell and live out eternity there.
Some of us believe that we are reincarnated and given another life
to live. Some of us believe that if we did not complete and learn
what we were supposed to learn from our previous life, we will
return to earth, doomed to repeat the same kind of process until
we learn what we are supposed to learn.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 5 years old and didn't quiet understand everything.
--That first time, how it happened was
I was 5 years old and my great-grandmother, whom I had lived with
up until that point, died. I was not allowed to go to the funeral
because of my young age, and that lead to difficulty in dealing
with it because I didn't understand why I could not attend when it
would have been my chance to say good-bye.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sitting on my porch, crying my eyes out, wondering why I wasn't
allowed to attend the funeral. I remember wanting to say good-bye
to my grandma and how empty I felt sitting there all alone because
all of my family was at the funeral and I was being watched by the
next door neighbor.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that even young children need to say their good-bye's in there
own way. We underestimate children too much and they should be
allowed more chances to deal with death instead of having parents
try to hide it and make it seem like everything is okay because
although it will be okay, its gonna take some time. Parents need
to remember that children are also feeling sorrow and emptiness
and they need to be able to talk with them about it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My next door neighbor's mom. She talked with me about how I was
feeling.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that I would never see my grandmother again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them know that you are there for them and that they can talk
to you about anything.
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have realized that you need to live life to the fullest and say
what you feel to a person because they could be gone tomorrow and
you will be left with the fact that you never got to tell them
something that was important, even if they already know it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go to the funeral or see her at the hospital.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my uncle died and at the funeral a butterfly landed on his son's
shoulder. He was having such a hard time dealing with his fathers
death and so was my aunt, that when that butterfly landed on his
son, I had this sense of calm and I knew that my uncle was happy
and that things were gonna be okay.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was angry and felt lost. I just cryed until I couldn't cry anymore.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
accurate. We all end up somewhere, but only the dead know where.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I was young so no one wanted to talk to me about it.
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Mon May 10 12:21:37 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Phycology 110 at Victorvally Collage in Victor Ville California,
or teacher addigned us this along with my other surveys to take
part i as a part of of term project.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: A car accident; Aged: 18.
--Details:
They were both 18 and just graduated college, one of them was
planning his wedding to his girlfrind of 3 years. They went to the
mountains and on their way back they turned left on to a really
busy highway and were hit by a truck and it killed them both.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When a life ends. When there body remains but their soul goes to
heaven or hell, or whatevewr it is you belive.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock I did not no what to do. I stood on the side of a
street and whatched all the cars go by and I wanted to scream "
why are you guys dirving around why are you so happy don't you know
that my best friend just died?" It was very difficult, it still is.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I did not understand, he was the same age as me he had his whole
life to life. Why did he kill himself, what could have been so
wrong at 18 years old that could not be fixed?
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens and kids better quit living so wildly with drugs and
sex and fast driving. Cause it can and it will happen to you one
way or another but do drive your self right to it by drinking and
driving etc.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my cousin died at his funeral hundreds of people excepted
jesus as their Lord and Savior.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends and my relationship with God. Talking to God really got
me through. Maybe it was because I knew that my loved one was with
him so he was the closest thing I could get to them and he gave me
so much comfort.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
When he killed himself the hardest thing was woundering if he was
in heven because I believe tha if a person kills themselves they
will go to hell but I know that he was a wonderful person so I had
a really hard time dealing with that.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them how much you love them, tell them how much they've impacted
your life and how differnt your life would have been with out them.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Relized that we all need to be their for our friends no matter what
becaus eif he would have had someone to talk to about his problems
then maybe he wouldn't have killed himself. Make it easy for your
friends to talk to you so that they do not feel threatend or scared
to talk to you it can make all the differance in the world.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought he was so happy, I did not understand why he would kill
himself. And it really made me question how heven and hell really
work.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was my friend/loved one telling me to quit mopping around and
luagh a little life is too short.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell them how much they ment to me, tell them I loved them, and
just make memories that they could take with them after life and
I could keep with me throught mine.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have those wonderful experiances, those once in a life time
opportunities, everything is once in a life time if your 18
years old.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I bought new shoes for a funeral, that is so bizzar. What did it
matter, who was I trying to impress? To this day I still do not
understand.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I did not cry untill the funeral and them I bawled for like the
next 2 weeks most people cry up untill the funeral and then calm
down I was backwards.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about the times we had together. Then I think of all the
things I am doing in my life and I relize that they will never have
that. That gets me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The little(bad) things would not matter.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That I am alive and they are not. and that they were my friend and
now waht was I supossed to do?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
crul up into a ball and be alone for a while.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
"I can not breath" I was paralized. It is a fealing that I don't
think I can discribe. It was a moment and I was stuck in it forever,
it felt like. I never was exactly them same.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The Medical ommunity is not God I have seen people die in thier
care and I have seen people who should have never made it out of
the hospital go on to live fully productive lives.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God faith love family and prayer lots and lots of prayer.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian, four squre pentacostal
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
your body's remain here on this earth but your soul hopfully goes
up to God.
--Regarding MONEY:
My friend had a very small funeral it was driery because his family
did not have alot of money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It is nice to see all the people one persons life effected.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I will never be the same, someone was in my life and then they
were gone.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I saw a cross that was dressed in his clothes on the side of the
road and then I never saw it again.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
Tim helped the understanding that she is in a better place.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
Life every day tasks.
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Mon May 10 10:36:22 2004
F30 in Victorville, Ca. =USA=
Email: <fealyclan-at-msn.com>
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Prof/Studies: homemaker / student
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More personal info:
Thank you
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die to be with her, but I know that that is not the answer and that
I would not be happy leaving the rest of my family (my children). I
just wish she could be here with me again
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration. I wish they had payed better attention to her. I
wish they would have moved faster and that I would have been more
insistant.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Finding peace in knowing that we would be with her again if we were
faithful, obedient, and worthy. That life goes on. That our family
is eternal. Just knowing who we are, why we are here, and where we
are going.
--Religious Affiliation:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very true. I believe we will be judged according to what we believed
and how we acted on it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The attendance was huge! There were so many people there who loved
my mom. Everything ran smoothly. I did the Eulogy.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
just knowing that she wasn't just on a little vacation and would
be home soon. That she just wasn't there. Everything about it is
weird to me. It feels like a dream.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
that she just seemed tired. To pay attention to what your is
telling you.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Cry as often as you need.Find quiet time to reflect on the
experience. Celebrate their life. Remember them.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I'm not sure. One thing I experienced was when my mom was finally
having an exploritory surgery done. I had been awake for almost 48
hours. I was so tired. I found a dark, quiet place to lay down under
a desk outside the family waiting area. When I closed my eyes many
thoughts of the expoerience crossed my mind then all of a sudden
I felt a peace and very vividly, yet quickly I saw my mom. I saw
her wearing a white chiffon dress, running through a feild of the
greenest grass I've ever seen, and laughing. In the image I saw
of her she was thinner, her hair was long, just past her shoulders
with big curls.
From what I know of my mom she hadn't looked like
that since she was a teenager (if ever). She was beautiful. She
was running, thin, and laughing. My mom hadn't run in years! I
don't fully understand the meaning of this image. I don't know if
she was telling me something or if Heavenly Father was. She died
a day and a half later.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I believe I resolved any issues I may have had with her and have
peace in knowing that she was ok. with me. She was my best friend
and I stayed by her side and said everything I needed to say before
or while she was dying.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I don't really need to hear anything else I would just like to feel
her touch, a hug, anything. My mom always smelled so good too I
wish I could smell her. That sounds so weird.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The only other thing that happened was a few nights after she died. A
friend of mine was visiting with me and we had just started talking
about my mom. I can't remember what was being said but I remember
seeing a figure pass behind us in the refection in the T.V. everyone
else in the house was in bed asleep.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Right after my mom died I wrote my thoughts on this in my journal. It
was very basic but I wrote down what each of my children should
have and what I would want or expect for my husband.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be o.k. with it if I could make sure my family was secure
before I left.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want a simple obituary. But i guess I just want to be
remembered as a good person.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just talking about her, remembering her.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk about her all the time or as often as she comes to mind.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My older sister and I are closer.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it has been helpful in helping me rethink the experience and
to think of things I may have never thought of before.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think it is a pretty complete survey.
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Sun May 9 10:27:14 2004
F18 in Hesperia, ca =Untied States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 1995 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 95.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a time when our body's stop fuctioning and we are no longer
concious.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was a very young child and really did not understand the whole
concept of death.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my great grandmother who I was very close to, and would
always go and visit her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
We all felt that apsrt of us had died.
--What I think my (Untied States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is only temporary and its always a long good bye,
till its our turn to go.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brought my family very close together and made us realize to
appeciate the little that we have and each other.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I prefer nature, it gives me a chance to clear my head and to think
things over.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that I could never see the person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't take nothing for granted
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that the lilttle things matter and when family needs help,
you should do it no questions asked.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
To a certain point, I was trying to cover up the pain and emotions.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my father
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know my father and grow up with him being around.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My two young cousins wanted to see the dead body during the wake.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
When everyone would send sympathy cards to the house.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm doing something that I know the other person would have liked
to experience.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that God has to take the ones that you love and care about the most.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
leave and forget about every thing
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't believe how wrong I was about it, I just thought that the
person was sleeping.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I felt they didn't do enough
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A sign of hope and faith
--Religious Affiliation:
Cathloic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
there's life after death
--Regarding MONEY:
we didn'thave enough for the funeral
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The look of disapointment on their faces
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Dealing with the people around me and how they were treating me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I started feeling guilty andfelt that every thing was my fault.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just like to get out and do things that I enjoy
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
When others would say that I was never going to see my grandmother
again.
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Fri May 7 19:49:40 2004
F19 in victorville, california =u.s=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: college student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: bacteria; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was really scared
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how his mom was really hurt almost going insane and she could deal
with it
--What I think my (u.s) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to react to it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i got to know this person and i wil see him again
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My church knowing that someday we will see that someone again
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
to remeberabout the one person and knowing that they are neer
coming back
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
not to make them feel even more grief but instead to let them
know that one day all of this will be forgotten once they get
reunited again
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize that nobody last foerever and that one day even us are
going to have to go but one thing is that thereis eternity!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i start thinkin gwhy id it happenn to him being so young he didn't
deserve it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
probably say good-bye to him and to let him know that he was one
of the few people i really loved
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be his friend cuz it got me the chance to get to know him and the
wondelful person he was
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i was thinking about him and i aked to him to send me a signal that
he was around us and suddenly a flower from a bunch started moving
just the one that was next to his pix.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how he looked
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that thi could happen to such wondelful persons
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just die my self
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it can't be true that they were probably confused
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
most important things for the community because it helps people to
get better
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot to me because it helped me understand that this is going to
happen to all of us
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right beause i truly believe in it
--Regarding MONEY:
sometimes you can't even afford it
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that everyone had something good to say about him
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that family that don't even likek each other get reunited by that
particular situation
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
never did
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i wouldn't because they wouldn't come back to stay
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i think that things that should be taken care of are just the things
that the dead person asked for
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would feel scared because i would know that now it's not going
to be someon that i know but myself and it would really scare me
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
just that i was a happy person and to remember me as when i was
alive but not and i am know that i'm dead
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
nothing has changed anymore because life goes on
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
noope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
the questionare was really good because it helps you express your
feelings towards death
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Thu May 6 22:46:36 2004
F30 in Victorville, California =USA=
Name: Misty Fealy
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
this survey just caught my eye off of a list given by my college
prof.
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Prof/Studies: homemaker / student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: colon rupture, septic infections troughout her body,
and in a small part due to obesity.; Aged: 63.
--Details:
She was not feeling well. She was tired. She started having severe
stomach pain and after caring for her and watching her suffer for
a couple of hours, I called 911. The emergency caregivers (EMTs,
hospital staff) were very uncertain of the pain she was in and
treated her very nonchalant(sp.?)She lied in pain for hours before
ever seeing a doctor.
I stayed with her constantly until it was
all over, even the funeral.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life as we know it.It is uncertain in circumstances but
certain to occur at the end of ones life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was unsure of how I really felt,but realized that it happens to
everyone at one point in their life. I was sad. I felt sorry for the
loss. I cried. I do not belive that death is really the end though,
I believe thatour spirit lives on.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wanting to be as close to her as I could because I knew the end
was very near. I was afraid, but prepaired. I was sad and angry
but glad to know that she would no longer feel the pain.I believe
it was her turn to find comfort in the Saviors (Lords) arms,
and was glad for that. Her last words to me (or to anyone) were,
"don't cry". I remember knowing. I rember the doctors telling us
she would likely die. I remember totally "losing it" and crying. I
remember the doctor telling us it was over and to pull the plugs,
having family all around her, watching her slip away, seeing her
open her eyes for the last time and turn to look at my daughter
in response to my daughters words in her ear. I remember alot,
I don't want to forget. I fear that I am though; forgetting things
I never thought I would.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is o.k.It's hard on those of us left here, but its o.k.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that she lived and that she loved me. That she would no longer feel
the burden or the pain of her oversized body and that her spirit
lives on.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband and family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how do I live now, without her?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
say what you need to whether you believ they can hear you or not. I
wanted to rember the way she felt and her smell so I held her hand,
brushed my fingers through her hair, and would talk in to her
ear so I could smell and feel her hair. I would say to just do or
say the things that you are comfotable with and that you need to
say good-bye.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
know there is a God who loves us and is there for us. I know that
he has a plan for each of us that we may not know or understand
but that we do have purpose and everything happens for a reason,
reguardless ofwhether we know for sure what the reason is.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my family had such a hard time dealing with things.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was not going to have her with me (physically) anymore to talk to,
hold, or laugh with and cry with. I needed to tell her something
that meant something to us in order to say good-bye for now. I sang
her a song.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
My mom was my best friend and played a huge part in my life, so
dealing with her death has meant remembering everything I possibly
can while staying close to other family members
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
Dealing with other family members feelings, problems, and trying
to get back to "normal" as if that was possible. Also, my dad
remarried and remarried my moms sister so that through the family
for a loop and made it hard to cope with moms death or just trying
to find peace.
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Thu May 6 19:37:20 2004
F20 in Hesperia, SA = ?? =
Name: Kim
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
college teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 1 Yr ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 97.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we are taken from this world and placed into the next. Our
journey is over, and we have learned what we were ment to learn,
so we are taken.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cryed alot, I remembered the good times I had with them, and
remembered everyone has there time to go.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Being sad yet happy at the same time. I remembered not to be selffish
that while my grandmother was with me I she was happy but when she
started hurting it was time to let her go. Her quality of life was
compromised and I would rather remeber her in the happy times when
she was healthy.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Acceptance of death can mean more then most think, mny claim they
are not scared of death but they truly are. I beleive when it is
time it is time and we will be where we belong.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The my grandmother did not suffer, he health went down and then
she died, but it was not somethink that lasted a long time,
thank goodness.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I would say family, and my faith.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The heartache that I would never physically see my grandmother again,
but I was grateful for my memories and she will always be with me
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
not only being there but reminding them of all the great times and
telling them God is waiting for them. I would let them know how
loved they were...make sure they know this.
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Although you lose a important person, you remember then for the good,
what they have helped you learn and most imporatantly you know how
much you are loved. I've learned Death is basially a celebration
of a persons life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought she would live forever, we never expect people to be gone
until they are.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helped me cope laughing at the good ole' times.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with me GG mother. She was a great lady and I
learned alot from her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know her, she tought me morals and how to be a "good person"
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
my GG money. I didn't care about that, but some of my dads side of
the family did, which I thought was horrable of them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember all the great things about her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have someone to continue teaching me about life, I would
continue to follow in her foot steps.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
...she should have been able to stay, but in the back of my mind
I know it was her time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have her back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I didn't believe it. It didn't hit me til my family got together and
talked about all the great times we had with my great grand mother,
thats when I couldn't stop crying.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
admiration...the medical field I believe did all they could, you
can only do some much for a person of her age.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot...my faith helped me cope and understand death
--Religious Affiliation:
Chrisitan
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
is true. We all have basic feeling of death.
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone is greedy, that is the last thing I would even think about,
its sad when people fight over money before the person is dead!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we let her know she was loved it was great to see how many people
truly cared for her.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I wouldn't really know as she died so sudden.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I had my own process...I delt with it the best I could, just take
it one day at a time.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel I have no unresolved issues as I live every days as if it
will be my last
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love to make sure she is okay, and that I love her
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would just make sure I lived my life how I wanted to and maske
sur everyone knows I love them
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I prayed for my GG mother and talked to her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
I had my boyfriend, and God, I just remembered she lived a great
life and it was just her time to go.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
My sisters were also close to my grand mother so I helped them cope.
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Thu May 6 09:52:44 2004
F22 in Victorville, ca =usa=
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Found us by: [ Pastor ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car crash; Aged: 18.
--Details:
It was caused by a police chase that ended with my friend's crash.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something we as humans tend to fear. We know it can come at any time,
and that eventually it will come, but we keep it in the back of our
minds. Most people have different ideas about what death is. Some
believe that at death, we end. A human's person or soul(that
thing that makes us who we are) ends. But I believe we go on to
a different existance. I don't know if it's a spiritual life or,
like many believe, we are reincarnated into another physical being,
but I do belive our spirit goes on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
When I first heard about my friend's death, I thought it was a
cruel joke. I thought "How could she be dead" and then it turned to
"Why her?"
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
hugging and consoling my sister at my friend's crash site.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i dont know what could be changed
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my friend's death brought my family and friends closer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to my friends about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing my friend in the coffin. She looked serene and alive. I felt
like shaking her and waking her up.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to appreciate everyone around me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the people that caused the car crash that ended my friends life
were never justly punished.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never laughed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have seen her alive and well just one more time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
nothing im truly thankful for
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i remember the fun times we had and the potential of life that she
had, i get very sad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dont really think about that.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to me it just is not fair that my friend is dead and the people
who took her life are fine. Two guys stole an SUV and started a
high speed chase with the police. They got off the freeway and at
the end of the offramp they collided with my friend's car and she
died of internal bleeding a few hours. and the two guys who stole
the SUV were not wearing their seatbelts and they both walked away
from the crash
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
did not believe it. I thought it was a really bad joke
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect. They tried to bring her back but they couldnt
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a support system of friends and loved ones
--Religious Affiliation:
Mormon
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like its right. I felt her spirit or her being a few times
--Regarding MONEY:
i was not involved
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the amount of people who attended. I just felt reassured because
I knew her death would not go unnoticed. I knew many people would
miss her.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
A few months after it happened, I would see pictures of her or
remember occasions when we were together and "forget" she was
dead. It still doesnt seem real. Like she's away somewhere and
she'll be back soon.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i talked to some friends and found that a few days before she died
she told a few friend things like "take care of each other" and said
that on the day of her funeral, she wanted people to wear white. And
her death was caused by a car crash and it was very sudden.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any unsolved issues but I was always a sort of
protective older sister role to my friend and for a long time I
felt i failed to protect her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
no
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I worked driving a van One afternoon I was alone driving back
to my work site. The radio was on low and I felt the presence of
someone. I drop people with dissabilies off at their homes and for a
moment I thought I had forgotten to drop someone off. I looked back
but no one was there but I still had that feeling. i turned off the
radio and looked back another two times. And I was still driving
and it suddenly hit me. Then I said my late friend's name out lound
"Lindy". And I felt this warm comforting feeling. I repeated her
name. I then called my sister and asked her what day Lindy had died
and as it turned out, the next day was the one year anniversary of
the death of my friend. I think her spirit was thereto remind me
of her.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
She was young when she died so I dont think she really had any
specific wishes. What I didn't like was that when she died, they
did her hair and makeup in a way that she never did it. I would have
liked it that her hair and makeup like she would have wanted or liked
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I never think about my own mortality
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I don't want people to be sad. I don't want a long sermon. I'd like
for a few of my closest friends to talk about me and share funny
moments we had. I want all my favotite foods to be served and I
want my favorite songs to be played.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
It still doesn't seem real and it's been about three years.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I talked to my sister and other friends and consoled them. All I
could really say was that she was no longer in pain.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I liked the questionnaire because it let me write up my own feelings
and not just pick one that is closest to what I feel.
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Wed May 5 21:54:43 2004
F33 in adelanto, california =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumor; Aged: 64.
--Details:
My father had a severe heart condition & we were waiting until
he was 65 for angioplasty because my family could not afford it
without medicare. He was on a lot of medications which masked the
symptoms of his tumor. He fell down and hit his head. When they
did an MRI, they found the tumor. He died 6 weeks later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body wears out.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to respond. I was 10 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I didn't spend enough time with him, tell and show him that
I loved him often enough and just that I still needed him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my father passed with dignity, at home with his family knowing how
loved he truely was. I also feel, or would like to believe that
he was ready when he finally died. I'm also thankful he didn't
suffer...it was a short time from the diagnosis to his death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I had to be the support person for everyone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there. Let them know that it's okay to be scared and
if they ask if it's okay that they "go" or ask for permission,
no matter how hard it is to do...give it to them. It put's their
mind at ease to know their loved ones will be okay.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that, even though it's a hard, sad time, there is still much
joy and even humor. If you let yourself enjoy the good moments,
it's easier to accept the loss. At least it was for me & my family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my father saw people who were not there...people who had passed
years ago.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
even when it seems like there isn't any joy to be found, your brain &
heart finds something.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to spend more time with him when he was well and not have taken
for granted his love for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
make him laugh and smile when it was so hard for him to do
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
?
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
letting the person know over & over that he/she is loved. They know
that because the people who loved them wouldn't be there if they
didn't.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone says a joke he'd like or something he would have liked
happens
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i haven't thought about that
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
because my father was such a good person and so many horrible people
live much longer than he did. He just loved his life so much &
it was cut too short.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
push the pause or rewind button
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
life will never be the same or good again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect...my dad had wonderful doctors and care...for the most part
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
wonderful...the people were so nice and understanding
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
if we had the money, my fathers tumor could have been diagnosed
earlier and his life could have been saved
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone who attended loved my dad and most people kept a small
bit of humor, which my father would have wanted
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
comming to the realization that the strongest person I ever knew
was just a mortal person and he wouldn't always be there
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
seeing loved ones who had passed, not wanting to eat or drink
anymore, not wanting to take the medication anymore, asking if it
was "okay" to go.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i had the time to process what was happening to him.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my father kept seeing one particular angel who was alway to the right
of him. He also saw other relatives who had passed. The day before
he died, he said that he would have to go soon because my Nana,
(his mother) was calling for him to come home to her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that he forgave me for not seeing him more and for taking him &
his love for granted.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I haven't seen my father, so to speak, but every now & then I can
feel him with me. It's not times when I particularly "need" him,
just odd times.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't want to die in a hospital or on tubes. I want to go with
the dignity and grace I came into this world with.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know what I want when it's my time. I know where I don't want
to die, if I have a choice, and I've started to make finacial
arrangements so those I leave behind won't have that extra hardship
to deal with.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want people to know that I cared about a lot of things
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talked to my dad after he was gone.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk to my dad.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
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Mon May 3 21:41:45 2004
M18 in Apple Valley, California =United States=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Pharm. Medicine
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
It was a very slow and painful death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when you lose someone, they will no longer be there
physically but they will always be there in spirit.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was completly in shock I had no emotions at all. I had no idea
about what to do or how to react.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Is seeing how the cancer compeletly changed my grandfathers body
and knowing that he was suffering inside.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That eventhough death is hard, the person who has past away is now
in a better place, and you have to move on in life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The thing that I am most grateful for is the fact that I knew my
grandfater was going to pass away. This gave me time to go back
to Missouri and spend time with him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family and my girlfreind provided the most support for me when
my grandfather past away.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that he was no longer there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To just try and have fun and not dwell on the negative parts in life.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I learned how to better deal with my emotions and not keep them
botteled up inside me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When I think about why he had to suffer, why wasn't it fast and easy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend even more time with the grandfather before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Deal with his death in a sensable manor.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Holidays and family functions come up and you realize he is no
longer there.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my grandfather had to suffer and that he had to die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Not think about it and get it out of my head.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was shocked, my dad woke me at three a.m. (pacific standard time)
I did not know how to react. I just sat there in my bed.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did what the could to try and fight the cancer.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they did everything they could have done. I can't blame them for
anyting.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
At first it was hard to go to church because I questioned God on why.
Now I know he is in a better place and it was just his time.
--Religious Affiliation:
Romen Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
Money was never an issue my family and my grandfather are well off
and money was never a problem.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was in shock, a good shock, about how many people where there
and how many people my granfather touched during his life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Just realizing that he was no longer there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When my grandfather called me and told me he loved my and said
good bye.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I never had any issues with my grandfater.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just tell my grandfather that I loved him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had dreams about my grandfather, but that is all they
are dreams.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just talked with my family and girlfriend. I also cried and
mourned alot.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Nothing has changed in my life, I just think about my grandfather.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have noticed that many of the friendships I had before the death
have became stronger.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
One thing that I did was I just tried to provide support for
my family.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This survey has been helpful in allowing me to express osme of my
fellings about death and dying.
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Mon May 3 10:52:39 2004
F20 in Milwaukee, = ?? =
Name: Amanda
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I'm doing a project and I just was browsing the internet
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumor; Aged: 78.
--Details:
It was hard because there were a lot of negative feelings towards
him and of him as he was dying, so it was hard to know what to feel.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a release of the life energy within us, and it is taken
to the spirit realm where it can watch over their loved ones always.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very confused and didn't know what was happening.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
When my grandmother died, I will never forget my Uncle's words
to me because they were the only things that help me through that
experience.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to explain it better. To me, or at least in the church I
was brought up in, the priests would always tell us to "celebrate
their life" or "celebrate their death because death is just another
part of their lives" but they never told us HOW to celebrate this,
or some pointers in how to do this.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
For everyone that I've seen go, I'm always grateful that they're
not in any more pain or have to deal with the sorrows of life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nature definately helps me bring my soul to peace whenever I need
peace, music also helps when I can't get out into nature. I also
seclude myself because for whatever reason, everything people say
to me to "help me" just makes things worse.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Having to deal with the clergy and priests and all the other
hard-core religious people, because all they'll talk about is the
Bible instead of the person that died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
This is hard to answer because so many people deal with death so
differently, so I would ask them to tell me what would be the best
thing I could do for them, what would help them the most.
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Over the years, viewing so many different kinds of funerals, I
think the best thing I could tell someone is that who ever dies
no longer has boundaries. They can now be in different places
at one time. They can be with everyone they've ever loved while
being with someone else as well. Talking to that person helps to ,
because that helps you recognize that they are really there, and
sometimes they may answer back.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When my dad's mom died, I was four and I couldn't understand who
the lady in the coffin was, I only have two memories of her: her
lying on her couch, covered in her blaknet, and the other in the
coffin. So I never really understood how she was related to me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When we were giving the last rights to my grandmother, when I was
about 8, we were all in a circle holding hands and praying when I
just started to laugh like crazy, and no matter how hard I tried,
I couldn't contain it! I was laughing so hard that my younger sister
started to laugh too!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wanted to be with my grandmother when she died. I never got a
chance to say goodbye, everyone rushed me out of the room and all I
could do was touch her hand.
I really wish I could have said goodbye
to my great-grand mother because when my mom was visiting her, I was
sick and so she made me wait in the other room while she visited
and there was something that was tugging at my heart, telling me
that that would be the last time I'd ever see her again. But not
to disobey my mom, I stayed in the other room instead of giving
her a hug like I wanted to.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Say goodbye to my grandfather. I was never able to say goodbye to
my passing relatives, in a physical sense, because I was simply in
a different location when it happend. But my grandfather was in a
hospice and I was able to say goodbye to him properly.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I think this answer pertains to both this comment and the
following: It amazes me to see men cry during funerals. I was
raised in a household where my father never showed his emotions
(the sad ones) and so I thought it was "manly" not to show these
certain emotions. But whenever I see a man cry at a funeral, it's
still strange to me because I've been exposed to this stereotype
for all my life, so it's a big thing for me, but a small thing for
everyone else.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I get mopy when I think about my fiance dying. He's so important
to me and I rely on him so much that if he were to die, my whole
world would just shatter into ungatherable peices. Or whenever I
think about "what could have been if the people that I have lost
were still here."
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about this all the time. More times than I think I should. I
especially think about this for my grandparents. My dad is always
telling us stories about his parents because they died when we
were so young. My younger sister didn't even know them (actually
it's vise-versa), she wasn't born yet. And I was so close to my
mom's mom, I would've loved it if she could have met my fiance,
I know she would've loved him so much.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
My fiances aunt died quiet suddenly this past Christmas, she was
only in her 30's so it was very, very sudden and very unexpected. I
thought that her dying like that at that particular time of year
is totally unfair. I think it should be illegal for people to die
around the major holidays.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Know what dying was like. If I knew what dying felt like, emotionally
and psychologically, I think that I could help people more to deal
with the pain.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It still hasn't hit me, in a way, that all the people that have
died in my life are dead. I don't expect to see them any more,
but I go numb whenever I think about them.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Importance, they have great laws, and strict ones that let the
person or family make decisions for themselves instead of making
them for them.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
It was a very sad place. It was so queit that I couldn't stand it,
even though it was a very warm place.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My family is VERY religious, which is probably why I completely
rejected Organized religion. Priests get me so mad during funerals
because they seem to make the proccess harder and more painful,
telling us what to do, but not how to do it.
--Religious Affiliation:
I have studied abroad and have mixed beliefs from all different
belief systems together that I feel is right to me, but I truely
hold the Eastern religions in high regards such as Buddahism.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Warm. When I think of Spirit I feel warm. We all go to our "heavens"
and yet be able to be with the people we love and help them go
through death eventually.
--Regarding MONEY:
It's hard. It's a huge struggle and I think it's robbery the way
that some people will take as much as they can.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
For my fiance's great-aunt, they had a small Mexican band playing
soft Mexican music which I thought was simply wonderful. That was
a difficult funeral to be at, even though I didn't know the woman
and had never met her before in my life. The music just seemed to
put everyone at ease a little bit.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Getting use to the fact that they won't be there physically anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The time factor of my grandfather's death really did help me a
lot. He was dying for a couple of months, so it really did help
knowing this and being able to have the opportunities to say good
bye and talk with him before he left helped me too.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I have to stay away from people. People just get me mad, even though
I know that they're just trying to help, they just seem to make me
feel worse.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My great-aunt would talk to my grandmother (her sister) out loud
as if she were sitting in the chair next to her. I wasn't there
when it was happening, but I was told that she would point her out
to her daughter. I wish I could have seen this, to see if I could
feel my grandmother's presence, but I wasn't able to.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
This has never happend to me or anyone I know.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I had some negative feeling towards my grandfather while he was
still living, things were said and there were negative situations
with my sister that really made me angry towards him, even though
I truly believe that he knows my true feelings now, it would help
if I could just tell him thank you for everything he'd ever done
for me in the past.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them that I love them and I want to make them proud
of me. I would love it if they could tell me that they were proud
of me and that they were with me everywhere I went.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I've seen a couple of spirits to whom I've never known their
identity, or have seen them a second time, but I have dreamt of
my grandparents a few times prior to thier deaths, but it's never
like we're talking. They're just there and we're all living our
lives with them in it until I realize that they've died years ago
and it's then when they leave my dream.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want people to know that I'll be with them every step they take
and I'll be watching over them. I want them to be happy that I no
longer am bounded by my body and not to be sad because I am laughing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Honestly, I would be scared out of my mind. Death scares me more
than it makes me curious even though both emotions run high when
I think about dying. I'm scared of what it really is like.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want someone else write it, because I want people to remember
me as the way they saw me instead of how I know myself...as long
as they're positive things.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I just remember the other religions that I have studied and remind
myself that they are at one with the earth now as we all will be
eventually. That kind of helps.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
It was my Uncle, my mom's only brother. He came to me after the
funeral and with tears in his eyes he told me that she will always
be watching me from the stars.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
Everyone else that tried to help me deal with her death always
talked about God and how death works in the Bible and that, for
some reason, just made me so mad and it was just annoying.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I would have wanted people to at least talked to me. It seemed
like whenever someone in our family died, I was out of the picture,
that I wasn't affected by their deaths. A simple hug from someone
would have been the best thing anyone could have done for me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think this is a great way to get in tune with how you feel about
death. What it is that we truely think and feel, and it's a perfect
opportunity to learn something of ourselves.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
A good question might be how we might explain death to our children
or how we think that they see death as? Or what the best way to
explain death to a child is?
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See Apr 04 contributions.
See Mar 04 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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