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See Current contributions.
See Jul 03 contributions.
See Jun 03 contributions.
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Sat Aug 30 17:59:06 2003
F25 in Victorville, California =US=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your heart stops beating, your blood stops flowing, your
brain no longer processes thoughts, and all other bodily functions
shut down.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
dropped to my knees and yelled. I did not sleep for days, and was
sick to the point I was vomiting for days.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my family fighting. My grandfather was the rope that held my family
together. It took a lot of time for us all to heal after the death,
things still are not the same.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I have no idea! The best thing that I can come up with is to create
cures for the diseases that take so many peoples lives away from
them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my grandfather did not have to suffer anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
remembering all the good times we had.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
going to my grandfathers grave with my grandmother. I did not see
the point. He wasn't there any longer.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Always remember what it feels like when you are sick with the flu,
and then multiply that by 1000. When you are sick you want someone
to take your pain away, I would imagine when you know you are going
to die it will make things easier if you have someone there by your
side so you know you are not alone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Life continues to go on, in the time of death, there is also
still life!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
The summer my grandfather died I had gone away for 1 month to spend
time with some friends. He had begged me not to go. The day I got
home I went to see him, he was my neighbor, but only stayed a couple
of minutes. I told him I would be back later that night. That night
he had his stroke, went into a coma, and died 12 days later. I
would have never gone to my friends house for the summer.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be with my friends at his funeral. I could not have handled it if
I had to be with my family alone.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw my sister and my uncle cry. I don't know why, but I remember
them crying and no one else, not even me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of my grandfather all the time, I still cry when I think
about him, but now, only in good ways. I only remember fun, happy
times. Not his days.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't ever think about these things, I have always believed if
it is your day to go, you will go.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
When my friend died I kept thinking was not fair he died at such
a young age, doing something he loved. When my grandfather died I
was pissed off I did not get to say goodbye.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I didn't get to say goodbye.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I love the medical community! I am studying to be a nurse, I am
going to help people.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I never had much faith in the church. I always went to church because
I was made too, but my grandfather never went to church. I was told
that before he died he accepted the Lord, but how do you accept the
lord when you are in a coma? It did not bring me help or disconcern.
--Religious Affiliation:
My past religious affiliation was baptist, I currently have no
affiliation with a church or religious group.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I am not sure if I believe in Heaven or Hell, but I do believe there
is a higher power. I would like to think I belive in reincarnation. I
hate the thought that we live for 80 or less years and then it
is nothing.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money only caused problems when my grandfather died. Who is going
to get it was the general theme of my conversations.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All I really remember was it was crowded, and hot. It was so crowded
that people were standing up. I remember thinking that my grandfather
must know a lot of people.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My cousin asking me if I had cried yet? I answered no.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If I could have done that with my grandfather I would have let him
know that it was okay to go, and that I loved him and I was going
to be fine.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream about my friend who died. I was having a hard time
dealing with his death and one night I had a dream about him. I
dreampt he came to my house and told me to go meet him by my
grandfathers grape vine. I met him and he kissed me and told me he
was ok and goodbye. I never dreamed about him again. I dealt with
his d eath then also.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think all persons should have a funeral that portrayed there way
of life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I try not to think about my own death. I only hope it is quick and
not painful. I think I fear pain worse.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Heather Greenberg died suddenly today. She is survived by her
husband, mother and father, sister, and nephew. Heather was social
work who worked to better the lives of persons with disablities
and had recently began studying nursing.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
We have a party, or do something that person enjoyed to do.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
When my grandfather died and girl I went to middle school came to the
funeral, she and I hated each other. Turns out I remember hugging
her at the funeral and noone else. Her and I never became friends,
but we no longer hated each other and did pass a friendly smile.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I had a dream about him, he told me goodbye and that he was
okay. From that night on I was no longer greiving for him.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Funeral and Rituals
When I went to the viewing it was open casket and he was very badly
mutilated. It was very hard to tell it was even him. All I could
think about was what he looked like dead, I couldn't remember his
face when he was alive.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Doing this survey made me think about certain aspects of my
grandfather's death I had not though of in a long time.
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Thu Aug 28 17:20:58 2003
F24 in wirral, cheshire =england=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer and septicaemia; Aged: 82.
--Details:
due to the removal of his kidney which was cancerous, although told
otherwise by the doctors his remaining kidney could not support
him and he ended up dying of kidney failure
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the loss of loved one, their body is no longer full and the life
inside them which we call their soul has left. A battery from the
start of is use is slowly dying till it doesnt work anymore, and
that is the same with human bodies, they eventually fail to work.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not believe this hurrendous thing was happening, i felt
frustrated at my lack of ability to prevent it from happening, i felt
selfish for wanting it not to happen preffering it to be me instead
so that i wouldn't be the one suffering the loss afterwards. I felt
guilt as all the bad memories only come to mind, never the god when
someone first dyes. I felt all this and also numb at the same time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was not peaceful, it was not quick but we gave each other strength
and when my grandad died there was a feeling of peace
--What I think my (england) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is a personal thing and instead of sending ure loved
ones off to die in hospital because u can't be bothered or r too
busy with ure own life, let them stay at home give them, not only
the 24 hour care they need but also fullfill their need to die
surrounded by love.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
We were lucky enough to say goodbye. I am grateful for being
given the chance to do whatever possible to ensure my grandad was
surrounded by love and that his death was dignified. I shall always
be grateful to my grandad awell. i was an athiest until the nite
of his death, he was unconcious and i was lying by his side holding
his hand, i pressed my head close to him and closed my eyes and all
i could see was bright light, i felt like i was with him, seeing
through his eyes, we were on a hill with a bare tree sillhouetted
against the sky the bright light was a circle like the sun and was
growing bigger and bigger coming towards us, i sat up and caled
my mum to tell her that my grandad was on his way , he was nearly
about to leave us and she told me to lie back by him and i did,
this time we were surrounded by the bright light there was people
all around usit was like we were heading to a wall of light that we
would be able to step through, i knew once we reached it my grandad
would have died, all i remember feeling was total amazement and awe,
the people infront of us were sillouetted and there bodies seemed to
have taken a slightly different shape the joints of their arms and
legs were a lot narrower and there neck seemed to have merged with
their heads, the next thing i remember was my auntie whispering in
my ear and telling me my grandad had died, the whole experience was
and is incredibly special to me and i think my grandad showed me so
i would know it wasn't the end for him, i am soo grateful for that
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the knowledge that it is not the end. Also the knowledge that i
had done more than my best for my grandad.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that he had gone, guilt is always a factor when someone
dies and i think guilt can be a very destructive emotion.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be gentle with them and try ure hardest to maintain their
dignity. Also even if they r unconcious try to always maintain
human contact on their body ie holding their hand, i think that
the person will know u r there with them, and i feel u should do
as much as possible to try and make them that they r not alone.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
see above.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctors and nurses don't tell u whole truths or the full story,
not knowing is one of the worst things.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometimes the horrificness of reality numbs ure emotions, this is a
coping mechanisim, u should never feel bad for how u feel, as long
as u truly care for the person, and do ure best thats all that counts
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say sorry for anything bad that i may have done that upset my
grandad.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
show him my love, and say my goodbye
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
lol, thats something i worry about cos i often wonder that if we all
meet up with our loved ones, how would we cope there would be too
many of us, i think would i be elsewhere living in a sort of house
with my grandad? bu then i think, i couldnt cos he would prob be
with his mum and dd and his brothers and sisters, his mum and dad
would be with their parents and siblings and the list would go on
right down the family tree. it gets confusing. then i worry about
my pets, would they all be with me? would my dogs fight with each
other up there? are they being looked after by my grandad?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yes i had that thought , i also thought 'i wish it was me instead
of u, i want to suffer the pain instead of u' also i thought --
i don't want you to die, don't die-- but then when the pain and
suffering grew intense i thought 'please die now , don't hold on
just let go,' i couldn't bear to listen to and see how much my
grandad was suffering, i just prayed he was not aware of it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude for some people but also disgust and anger of others
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i have mixed views on organized religion, i think it is good
for people so they can have hope and a feeling of being part of
something, but i also dislike it as i feel it is a form of control,
i think a lot of untruths r told and i also wonder why do most
religious people who hold influential positions usually turn out to
be peadophiles and things like that. sometimes i think religion is
a thing to hide behind. I also dislike religion because wars are
caused due to it,. every one is intitled to their own belief but
should not force it on others.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
money was not even thought about, and believe me at the time of my
grandads death we had none. not a thought was given to any part
of everyday life except for the care of our animals. our world
consisted of my grandad and nothing else mattered
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the constant illnesses time after time, i think that also u just
know, we knew 2 years before my grandad died that it was coming but
i think that we have an inbuilt sense that enables us to know when
the time is imminent
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the grieving process is something that u have no control over,
different deaths have different circumstances and our subconcious
seems to take over, u almost always will not react to death in
the way that u expect. it is something that is out of ure hands ,
u have a coping mechanism that if allowed, takes over.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have answered this in a previous question.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i think that if u still have issue with the person who has died
u should talk to them about it in ure mind, a bit like saying a
prayer or taklking to god.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i hope that they r proud of me and forgive me for anything bad i
may of done, most of all i would like to hear that they r happy
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
dignity should always be maintained for the dying person. their
comfort should always be as high a level as possible. most important
is knowing that even if u r alone in ure mind,there are people
around u who love u. the suffering is not ures only
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i think that if i found out i was going to die soon i would tottally
lose it.i don't think i would cope very well and i think i would
bathe in self pity. then i would feel guilty at my selfishness
and my lack of thought about what others might be going through. i
would also feel like a bad person compared to all the people who
put a brave face on for their loved ones to help them cope with
their imminent death. But there again what i am saying is only an
assumption, i don't think u know how u would be unless u were in
that situation. I hope that i would be able to support my family
and think about them instead of myself.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i wouldnt want one
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
our family grew stronger and arguments and problems were forgotten
we wiped the slate clean.
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
it helped me to be there for her while she was ill and when she
was put down, i felt i had done my best and also helped take the
burden off my mums shoulders as she was mentally ill because of it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
the feelings of helplessness , and the pain built up inside,
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it felt good to write my thoughts down, it is hard to say a lot of
these things because the people who are closet to me also lost the
same person as me and i wouldn't want to upset them
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Tue Aug 26 22:50:21 2003
M18 in san diego, California =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: BMW Technition
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Employee, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16
--Details:
He was on life support for a day or two. when they let him off it
he didn't pull threw
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--Death Is:
a natural, unavoidable part of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
keep my feelings to my self
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling he was still around
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
take it seriously, becaues you will be in the same situation
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how people can get together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
his family which that was the first time I met
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It being so unexpected he died a day before his 17th birthday
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know you care
--[My Employee's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize its okay to think about the person and talk to him
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Our boss didn't come to the funeral, he employed kyle for 3 years.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stay longer for the funeral
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be around the same people who had cared about him also
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
People who held a beef with him all came together
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Praying
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see kyle in my head. I see the same picture that was on his
funeral brocher
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I dont try to understand if its fair. Sometimes I feel that this
is Darwins theory of the strong must survive. But other times I
hate to admite it feels like things happen for a reason.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Wish him luck
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I didn't hit me till a day later. Next 3 days were really hard
to work
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
dont need medicine . Sometimes I zoom out of my life and look at
differt animals and how they would deal with a simalar problem. For
example the cat family, from domestic to wild african cats would
grif and than move on
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
something even with the fact that i am not religious
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
crying
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Sat Aug 23 22:45:26 2003
F55 in The Pas, Manitoba =Canada=
Email: <forklightning-at-fastmailbox.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was taught about Elizabeth Kuhbler Ross while I was taking a
nursing course and did a web search on her teachings and this was
a link. I did this some time ago but return often to restore myself
with the readings on the site
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Prof/Studies: Assistant to Minister of Provincial Government
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neice, 23 Years ago.
Cause of Death: hypothermia and unknown circumstances leading to her death ; Aged:
19 year.
--Details:
My niece and godchild died at such a young age and the details of
her death are still unsolved. I have not found closure or healing
from her death the way I have with family and friends (many)
because I feel that I was unable to see her in her casket and the
case has been closed. I wish it could be opened as I feel foul play
was involved. I knew her better than her mother did as she told me
everything that happened in her life. We shared everything with each
other and stayed up late many nights just talking and when she was
away for awhile we wrote to each other all the time. I always felt
like she was my little girl as well as my sister's. In her short
19 years she suffered emotionally and financially and longed for a
"nice" relationship with a member of the opposite sex which she
found just a few months before her death. Her mother and father
were living away from the city in a small town and she was taking
a course in Physciatric Nursing in a larger center. She came to
visit them for Christmas and studied for her A&P exam that she was
to take right after the New Year. After studying for almost a week
she went for a short walk on New Years's Eve. This town was a very
religious town that only had one establishment that sold beer and she
liked to have the occasional beer. It was located in a small Motor
Hotel which she walked in to and sat down. She was not afraid to do
this as she had travelled on her own many times in her short life.
Her father came to get her that night but sent someone else in to get
her as "he" didn't want to tarnish his image. She did not want to
leave yet so he didn't bother coming in and left the establishment.
She died that night, found frozen to death in a graveled area
of a local Government Garage. From what I know she had left the
establishment and something has scared her so badly that she climbed
an 8 foot wire fence and hid behind a snow covered gravel pile.
(her father and I have nver been able to get along and I always
felt he resented our relationship-that is my niece and I)We were
not contacted for 3 days and then I was contacted by the RCMP as
the only ID she had on her body had my name and information on it.
I knew right away as soon as he asked if I had a niece by this name.
I called my sister and her father answered. Before I could ask
anything I heard my sister's scream and he said we will call you
back soon! It seemed like a lifetime before they called back.
(It was found out that she did not have enough alcohol in her system
to cause her to be impaired in any way). Some of her outer winter
clothing was found at a man's apartment. I requested the autopsy
report without their knowledge (my sister and her husband) but have
not had the strength to request that the case be opened again because
of the fact my sister doesn't want to talk about it. I hope I have
made sense in my story but there are so many details leading up to
her death, it would be a book if I was to finish right now.
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--Death Is:
the loss of the physical person but not the spiritual person as
they leave the earth and go to a better place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was the only one in the hospital room with my father when he died
and I felt a wonderful warm feeling as he smiled softly and then
was gone. The hospital room was filled with this warmth.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I didn't think we would be able to carry on in life without my dad.
I found out later that this is very selfish thinking but it is the
way I felt at the time.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That we are only a gift from God and here for a certain length of
time. To believe the passage in the Bible from Ecclesiastes that
teaches us " there is a season" and a time to be born and a time
to die. Otherwise life and death doesn't make sense to me unless
I believe this way.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
just the touch of a friend's hand and they don't even have to
say anything
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
praying to and my belief in God
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the empty feeling in my heart of the loss of someone important in
my life
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen, do what they want when you can and make them as
comfortable as possible
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
came to learn about dealing with death and dying
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
a young person is taken from us in a very tragic way
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I believe laughter heals as well as tears
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say "so long" and listen to their last words
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my mom and dad and support the fanily as well as
being there in whatever way I was able to be
for my friends and
their families
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the body is being prepared for the funeral home it is treated with
such dignity
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the reception after the funeral is nice is many ways but to me
doesn't mean as much as the weeks, months and years that follow may
be when the family needs the assitance in whatever way from friends
which doesn't seem to be there as promised in this way-"just call
me if you never need anything" Yeah right :(
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I was at a funeral yesterday of a relative that was stabbed for
no reason and this was such a hard funeral . He was only 39 with
a wife that was 35 and they have 4 children--then I think of the
senseless death of my niece also
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I had not thought of this too many times but I believe earth is
hell so there has to be a better place like heaven where we all
meet our loved ones that have gone on before
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when it is a child. Tragic, sudden, terrible illness for any age
but especially for a younger person
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
find answers that would help me and others that are grieving
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
NO! the great overwhelming hurt also thought about their family
and/or what they/I lost in this death depending on the way they died
whether it was tragic, sudden or a long illness where you have some
time to prepare yourself
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They do their job, some with a humane feeling and some are just
there. The majority are very caring and I have seen many Doctors
that cannot seem to face the death of a patient
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
What can I do to make them or the family feel better?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Faith together in God and prayer
--Religious Affiliation:
Protestant and my own interpretation of the Bible
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I am not sure how to answer this but feel we are all equal in life
and death
--Regarding MONEY:
the cost of the funeral and the wishes of the deceased be followed
as close as possible. A really expensive casket does not mean the
dead person was loved more than one in the cheapest casket.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Any funeral I have been involved with and I have given eulogies,
I felt that the mourners meant very well by their attendance at
the funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the closing of the casket
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The eyes change and the pupils seem to lift up. The skin becomes
mottled and the breathing becomes labored and raspy as the lungs
fill with fluid.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
If the dying person can still talk, just listen and don't offer
advice ---let them talk and if they ask you to promise them something
try to live up to that promise. Their comfort (even a backrub if
a bed patient) may be the one thing that would help them feel better
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have read and believe in many of Sylvia Brown's writings.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I believe they do happen but have not had this happen to me or any
one I knew.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
To make myself a better person and always be in touch with God and
remember not to judge anyone.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
To tell them how much I love them and miss them being here with
us and for them to tell me they know what all has been going on in
our lives and they have seen this happen.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes, I have been told by many that they are visited from fsmily
and friends that have died and I myself have dreamt of and then
wakened to feel like I can still reach out or close my eyes and
see them still there exactly the same as I saw them when I thought
I was dreaming.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A well thought out will like my mom and dad did and make sure that
I write down what is to go to who so there is no arguments.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of death but I worry about what my family would
do:( they rely on me too much for everything and I know I thought
we could not go on without my dad but we have because he is one
of our angels and I hope that I will be their angel when I die.
Also, I hope for a death that is not sudden so I have time to talk
with my family and my wishes and tell them to look after each other.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I want to be remembered as a very caring mother and a beloved
wife. I want people to remember me as a person that would help
any one with a problem and always a smile for people. I want
to be remembered for my love of life and the seasons in life we
go through. I want people to know of my brother's innocence and
my love for him. I want people to know how I loved my husband and
how proud I was of the way he was with his caring and kindness he
showed to me. How proud I was of our children and grandchildren
and the talents of my husband and the way that they treated me.
How I loved my work with Oscar Lathlin. (to be continued :)
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Thinking of the good memories and not focusing on anything negative
and PRAYER
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Never let the sun go down without either asking for forgiveness if
you think you have wronged someone or talking and forgiving the
perosn who said some very hurtful things to me. Never leave in
anger as I cannot imagine the guilt I would feel if I did this.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have lost all my close friends and just rely on my own family at
this time in my life for support as we are going through an illness
with a member of our family that we almost lost but we are positive
they will get better.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Now I realize that faith in God and talking to him in my prayers
has helped me through so many family and friends deaths
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Fear of the unknown which I came to understand with the death of
my father when I was the only one with him
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I don't like saying this but monetary and material things were
needed at the time and were not there from friends or family.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This has helped me in bringing out things I had kept inside for
too long.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you covered everything possible.
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Sat Aug 23 17:02:20 2003
F20 in Goldsboro, North Carolina =USA=
Name: Kimberly
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Anthropology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sylvia Browne
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 55.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a part of living that we cannot avoid. Walking from one rite of
passage to the other.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13.
--That first time, how it happened was
My close cousin fell off of a trailor tractor and landed on his
head. I became involved, because he was a family member and very
close to my side of the family.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
pain, shock, and grief.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to understand that it cannot be avoided.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that when its over, its over and you don't have to deal with
it anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my religious beliefs.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that you will not see this particular person for a long time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
is to listen, be understanding, and loving.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when i could not accept the fact that he was gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i realized that death is only a part of living and that even when
one passes on that it should be completely sorrow but laughter and
joy that they are now on to better and brighter things.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to see him before he passed.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
viewing the body.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i realize that time is so short.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
find a way to change it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was overwhelmed by the fact that you take people for granted.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
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Sat Aug 16 10:47:49 2003
F42 in rossville, georgia =united states=
Name: crystal burnette
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
i keyed in grief
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Prof/Studies: none
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Gods Promises
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
i cant remember the writer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: massive heart attack; Aged: 65.
--Details:
i didnt get to see him before he died. mom called the ambulance
and they were trying to revive him when she called me. he died im
my daughters arms.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
devastating if you were very close to the person. you dont ever
get over it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was just about 3 yrs old and my step-grandfather died but i dont
remember much about it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the doctor telling us we could go and see him for the last time
and i couldnt do it. i couldnt see my dad dead.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to be sympathetic as long as it takes
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my dad no longer suffers from emphysema, trying to breath or
having to take all his medications.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i couldnt see him anymore when they layed him to rest.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know you love them and always will.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
you dont have to see them suffer anymore and that they have gone
to a better place than we are at.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
making the funeral arrangements.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was trying to block it out of my mind
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to kiss and hug him one more time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through the funeral without grabbing his casket
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my 2yr old niece was worried about my dad having shoes on
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
greeting people at the funeral home
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
im having trouble at home i just wished my dad was there so i could
talk to.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would be at my dads house most of the time because i enjoyed so
much having conversations with him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i didnt get to see him one last time alive.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i was mad and hurt and i kept screaming "i want my dad back"
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did their very best. the ems and the doctors when we got him to
the hospital. God wanted my dad for a reason and thats how i get by.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a great deal to me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
presence. i can feel his presence sometimes
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
in my dads case it would have been more chest pains and breathing
problems.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i just live with the good memories
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
i loved my dad dearly and i know he loved me so that helps
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
i did know he was sick but i still couldnt let him go.
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Thu Aug 14 20:20:53 2003
M54 in Newtown, Pa. =USA=
Email: <amgiannetti-at-comcast.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life after loss; A journey through Grief; Good Grief;
When your dream die; One Minute after you die;
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Bob Deits; Alla Renee Bozarth; Geroge West berg;
Marilyn Willett Heaviln; Erwin Lutzer;
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 80.
--Details:
She was suffering from congestive heart failure, arthritis, scolious,
diabettis, high bllod pressure, previous strokes and she took
23 different medications a day. She suffered severe deppression
and she went to bed every night wishing God would take her in her
sleep. She suffered a stroke in three parts of her brain and I new
my Mom didn't want to battle back from that. We transferred her to
a hospice where she rallied then died from congestive heart failure
7 days later. She is with the LORD.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
WHEN OUR PHYSICAL BODY CEASES TO FUNCTION. IE. OUR HEART STOPS,
OUR BRAIN STOPS, ETC.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
WAS SURPRISED HOW NATURAL IT WAS.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
HOW PERFECT THEY WERE. WHEN MY FATHER DIED, THE WHOLE FAMILY WAS
THERE. HE WOULD HAVE WANTED THAT, AND IN FACT HE WAITED UNTIL THE
LAST PERSON GOT THERE WE READ THE 23RD PSALM, SANG JESUS LOVE YOU
AND HE DIED.
MY MOM MY DAUGHTER AND I WERE THERE, WHICH IS THE WAY
SHE WOULD HAVE WANTED IT BEING A MORE PRIVATE PERSON. SHE LOCKED
HER EYES ION MINE AND SHE ASKED ME WITH HER EYES TO PRAY HER INTO
GOD'S HANDS. dIANAS & i DID JUST TAHT AND WE SHE DIED WE FELT THE
MOST PROFOUND PEACE, LIKE HEAVEN OPENED UP AND WE GOT TO EXPERIENC
IT AS SHE ENTERED IN.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
YES, I WAS RAISED A CATHOLIC. IAM NOW A CHRISTIAN WORSHIPING IN
A UNITED METHODIST CHURCH. AS A CATHOLIC, I THINK I WOULD HAVE
SAYINGHAIL MARY'S AND OUR FATHER'S. I'M NOT SURE THAT KIND OF
PRAYING WOULD HAVE GIVEN MOM THE COMFORT SHE NEEDED.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
wITH BOTH MY MOM & DAD GOD GAVE ME A RALLY TIME WHEN WE SHARED HOW
MUCH WE LOVED EACH OTHER. WE HAD GOOD CLOSURE. WE TALKED ABOUT
HEAVEN AND JESUS. THEY BOTHE UNDERSTOOD, ABSENT THIS WORLD THEY
WOULD BE PRESENT WITH JESUS. THAT GAVE THEM AND ME GREAT COMFORT.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
WITH DAD WE HAD ALOT OF FAMILY SUPPOT, WE DID HOSPICE AT HOME. WITH
HOME, WE DID HOSPICE IN A LOCAL QUAKER RUN NURSING HOME. IT WAS
BEAUTIFUL ACCOMODATED ROOM- LOOKED LIKE A BEDROOM . YOU COULD STAY
24/7 WHICH I DID. YOU COULD SLEEP WITH HER, SHE WAS IN A FULL SIZE
HOSPITAL BED.
THIS WAS CHANDLER HALL IN NEWTOWN, PA. WHICH HILLARY
CLINTON RAISED UP AS A NATIONAL EXAMPLE.
MY SUPPORT CAME FROM THE
STAFF WHO WERE HER PRIMARY CARE TAKERS AND A FEW FAMILY MEMEBERS
WHO WERE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND SOME CHURCH PASTORS.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
WASTCHING HER SUFFER THE LAST FEW DAYS WHEN CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE
SET IN. WATCHING HER HANG ON. THIS ESPECIALLY SURPRISED ME BECAUSE
SHE ALWAYS SAID SHE WANTED TO DIE. IT TURNED OUT AT THE VERY END
SHE WAS STILL AFRAID AND I NEED TO PRAY AGAINST THE FEAR OF DYING
SO SHE COULD LET GO.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
IN THE FINAL DAYS, I COULD TELL EVEN THOUGH MOM SLEPT MOST OF THE
TIME THAT WHEN SHE WOKE UP AND SAW MEWITH HER, SHE WAS PEACEFUL. FOR
THAT REASON I WAS DETERMINED NOT TO LEAVE HER.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I WAS SO SCARED THAT WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO CARE FOR HIM AT HOME. MY
SISTER-IN-LAW WAS A NURSE AND I DON'T KNOW IF WE COULD HAVE DONE
IT WITHOUT HER OR ATLEAST HER TEACHING US. DAD WAS 6'2" AND EVEN
THOUGH HE HAD CANCER HE STILL WEIGHED 200 LBS. WE TOOK CARE OF HIM
PHYSICALLY WITH ONLY BRIEF VISITS FROM HOSPICE NURSES AND WE DID
GOOD.
TAKING CARE OF DAD WAS A PRIVLEDGE. IT WASN'T HARD OR
EMBARASSING OR BEYOND OUR CAPACITY. IT WAS SURPRISING.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
HOW I FELT AFTER DAD DIED ! I HAC TOLD HIM IT WAS ALRIGHT TO
DIE. I HAD MEANT IT. I TOLD HIM I WOULD BE OK. I MEANT THAT. I
PROMISED I WOULD TAKE CARE OF MOM AND THAT I WOULD KEEP THE FAMILY
TOGETHER. IDIDTHOSE THINGS. AS SOON AS I CALLED THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR
AND THE HOSPICE TO TELL THEM NOT TO COME THE NEXT DAY. I WENT DOWN
STAIRS AWAY FROM VERYONE AND I SCREAMED " I LIED, IT'S NOT OK TO
DIE" AND I CRIED FOR A LONG TIME. EVERYONE ELSE WATCHED DAD BE
TAKEN OUT OF THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
WHEN DAD WAS DYING, HE FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO TALK TO MOM. PARTLY
BECAUSE OF MOM'S PERSONALTY AND BECAUSE SHE WAS IN DENIAL. SO HE
TALKED TO ME. I WAS HAPPY TO HAVE HIM TALKING TO ME AND GLAD TO BE
THERE FOR HIM. AFTER DAD DIED, MOM REGRETED THE FACT SHE HADN'T
TALKED MORE TO DAD BEFORE SHE DIED AND SHE HELD SOME RESENTMENT THAT
I FILLED THAT ROLE. I INTURN WISH I HAD ENCOURAGED MOM OUT OF HER
DENAIL MORE SO SHE COULD HAVE EXPERIENCED THE BEAUTIFUL CLOSENESS
I FELT TO HIM DURING THAT TIME.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I WAS ASKED BY THE PASTOR TO GIVE NY WITNESS ABOUT MOM'S PASSING
AT HER FUNERAL. THIS IS SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT WOULD
BE POSSIBLE. IT WENT VERY WELL BECAUSE GOD WAS WITH ME ALL THE WAY.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
HAVING EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY THAT IS CLOSE TELL THE DYING PERSON
IT'S ALRIGHT TO DIE, THAT THEY WILL BE OK. THIS SEEMS TO BE AN
IMPORTANT PART OF CLOSURE. AS A CRISTIAN SAYING THIS TO SOMEONE
I KNOW IS SAVED IS A LOT EASIER THAN A NON- cHRISTIAN WHO HAS NO
ASSURANCE OF HEAVEN.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
SOMETHING REMINDS ME OF MOM OR DAD. I KNOW THIS IS OK AND I GIVE
MYSELF PERMISSION TO CRY WHEN THIS HAPPENS. DAD DIED 5YEARS AGO
AND IT STILL HAPPENS.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED IN TWO MONTHS AND SOMETIMES I THINK
IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL IF MOM & DAD COULD BE THERE BUT THEY WILL
BE BECAUSE BEFORE MOM DIED SHE GAVE THHEM HER WEDDING RING TO USE
AS THEIRS.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I HAVE AN AUNT AND UNCLE WHO I TAKE CARE OF. MY AUNT DOESN'T HAVE
ANY CHIDRN AND SHE IS NOT VERY NICE. INFACT, SHE DOWN RIGHT MEAN,
BUT SHE NEEDS MY HELP SO I DO IT AS A MINISTRY. SHE IS 90, WHY ARE
MY FATHER HER YOUNGER BROTHER AND MY MOM BOTH HER JUNIOR GONE AND
SHE TO DIFFICULT TO DIE.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
i THINK I'M OK THAT IT DOESN'T GET THAT DIFFICULT
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
WHEN A CLOSE COUSIN, WHO WAS LIKE A BROTHER LOST HIS WIFE WHO WAS
ONLY IN HER EARLY 60'S FROM CANCER WHICH SPREAD FAST AND THEY HAD
KEPT QUIET. IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE HAD KICKED ME IN THE GUT WHEN I WAS
TOLD. IT TOOK MY BREATH AWAY. IT TOOK WEEKS, MONTHS FOR ME TO STOP
ACTIVELY THINKING ABOUT HER AND HIM. OF COURSE, I KEPT BILL IN MY
PRAYERS DURING THIS TIME. BILL IS STILL GREIVING.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
DEALING WITH KEEPING PEOPLE ALIVE. I HAD TO MAKE THE HOSPICE DECISON
INDEPENDENT OF THEIR ADVISE. ONCE I MADE IT THEY SUPPORTED ME.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
FANTASTIC. TOTALLY SUPPORTIVE. HONORS THE PERSON. PRTECTS THEIR
DIGNITY.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
SUPPORT FROM OUR PASTORS WHP VISITED US AND MOM IN HOSPICE . OUR
SMALL GROUP WHO HELD US UP IN PRAYER DURING HOSPICE AND OUR GREIVING.
--Religious Affiliation:
CURRENT: UNITED METODIST PAST 12 YEARS
PREVIOUS: GREW UP CATHOLIC
(12 YEARS CATHOLIC SCHOOL) AND WAS ACTIVE UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE
I SWITCHED
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I THINK ALL HUMAN BEINGS EXPERIENCE DEATH BECAUSE WE DO. HOWEVER,
MY JUDEO CHRISTIAN BELIEFS ARE FIRNLY ROOTED IN THE BIBLE AND I DO
NOT BELIEVE IN ANY NEW AGE VIEW OF SPIRIT.
--Regarding MONEY:
THERE WAS ENOUGH SO IT WAS A NON-ISSUE FOR US.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
IT WAS PLANNED AROUND THE CHRISTIAN SERVICE TO HONOR THE LORD WITH
SONG AND PRAISE. AND IN BOTH CASES MY PARESNTS.
MY FATHER WAS MORE
ACTIVE IN THE COMMUNITY , SO MORE PEOPLE ATTENDED. BOTH WERE L0VELY.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
THE TIME IN WHICH THE DYING PERSON STARTS TO SEE THINGS THAT ARE
NOT THERE.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
DEHYDRATION; SHUTTING DOWN OF KIDNEYS; MORE SLEEPING; MORE WEAKNESS;
NO INTEREST IN EATING; NO INTEREST IN DRINKING;
MULTIPLE ORGAN
FAILURE
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
1 NUMBNESS,DENIAL,SHOCK; 2 PAIN, REALIZATION THEY WON'T RETURN,
LONLINESS, DEPPRESSION; 3 ADJUST TO AN ENVIRONMENT WITHOUT YOUR
LOVED ONE, TAKE ACTION, REINVEST IN A WORLD WITHOUT YOUR LOVED
ONE; 4 INTEGRATION NOW ABLE TO THINK ABOUT THE PERSON WITHOUT PAIN
ONLY SORROW.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
NO
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
NO
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I DON'T HAVE ISSUES. IF I DID I WOULD WRITE A LETTER TO MOM. I
WOULD GO TO A PASTOR OR COUSELOR.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
NO, BECAUSE WE HAD GOOD CLOSURE
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
NO
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
MY FAMILY KNOW I WANT A CHRISTIAN BURIAL SERVICE AT MY CHURCH.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I AM PREPARED TO DIE BECAUSE I KNOW THE LORDE AND I WOULD BE WITH
JESUS. I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE MY HUSBAND AND CHILDREN AND NOT
EXPERIENCE THE JOYS THAT LIE AHEAD FOR THEIR LIVES.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
LOVING WIFE AND MOTHER AUNT AND NEICE AND MANY COUSINS. SHE LOVED
THE LORD WITH HER WHOLE HEART AND TRIED TO LIVE HER LIFE FOR HIM.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
GATHERING AROUND THE PERSON AS THEY ARE DYING AND PRAYING FOR
THEM. IT CALSS THE PRESENCE OF GOD INTO THE ROOM AND BRINGS PEACE
AND GRACE TO YOUR LOVED ONE.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I FOUND AFTER MOM DIED , I WAS CONTINUING TO WALK IN THE PEACE THAT
WAS SO PROFOUND AT THE MOMENT OF HER DEATH FOR A WHILE.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
NO
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
My parents took care to help as a child first experiencing death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I WAS ABLE TO REACH OUT TO A MEMBER IN MY SCHOOL GROUP WHO IS
GREIVING OVER A LOSS OF HER HER 16 YEAR OLD SON. A WOUND THET WILL
HURT THE REST OF HER LIFE.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
YES, IT HELPED ME RE-THINK MY OWN EXPERIENCES.
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Mon Aug 11 04:10:55 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
i am doing a speech about death and why it is feared
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 79.
--Details:
Before he also had a blood clot
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the unanwsered question of live
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
think of myself and how it affects me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
distance
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
talking
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Sun Aug 10 02:10:06 2003
F38 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 72.
--Details:
We had just bonded and I was supposed to be there. It was my typical
Tuesday night sleepover. He'd cook for me every Tuesday and I'd
sleepover and go to work from there. He called me several times
that night and I never made it over. He was dead for 4 days before
the discovery was made.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your spirit departs your body and your body cavity is left
behind to badger your loved ones into bereavement.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt depressed and to this day continue to dwell on their deaths
however, i'm not afraid to die as long it's not violent.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
In September, 2002 my 35 year old sister in law died of a massive
heart attack; secondary to Lupus. Needless to say, it was NOT
expected. Everyone was devasted....Especially her three daughters
ages 13,9 and 4 years old.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
African Americans turn death into too much of a theatrical
event.....I don't go to funerals....they give me a nervous breakdown.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I still can't deal with it....I'm crying as I type.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Still dwelling on various deaths of family pets to beloved family
and friends.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tantamount....for me, that is. Some people feign that they want to
be alone. I'd love to be there with someone I love dearly so I can
(in my eyes) help them make their transition.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
I was so young and clueless....I didn't think children were supposed
to die ( I was approximately 11 years old)
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Fri Aug 8 04:12:10 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 23 Years ago.
Cause of Death: thrombosis; Aged: 63.
--Details:
My grandmothers death was even more staggering since my dad had
remarried and my gran was senile and they put her in a home. I have
my grandparents ashes. I don't know what to do with them and they
were mad at me....cos I stayed with my mum.....long story.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something we all experience.....God welcomes us.....we choose our
destinys by our actions on this planet.....If God doesn't exist
then we just go into a deeper coma than most......completely non
compus mentus so we won't know about it anyway.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't believe it was true.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shame I felt at the funeral and the fact that ppl were out
there shooting guns in the sky but they were doing it to the wrong
funeral...my granny going senile...her death and the worst part was
her going downhill so much and I had no money or way of helping.
I feel so sad that they died so young. I feel angry at my parents
responses.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Getting out of business and money and valuing ppl.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the Lords Prayer, as my grandparents told me. I miss them so
much. STILL!!!!!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I was young...I likened it to old age.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Lack of respect from ther family...and talking to my grandma when
she died. She blinked when I asked her too...one blink for no...and
two for she understands.....
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Pray to God
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
believed in God
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was helpless
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the dreams continue...with my grandma....I never laughed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
grow up
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
ask my gran to blink in answer to my questions (which she did)
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My grandma had the'death rattle' and the 'nurses' spoke about her
being on her last legs....I was offended and asked them not to
speak like that anymore.
I knew it was true but felt, despite
her alzhreimers, she knew what was happening.
I felt terrible
that she was left to die.....in an old ppls home.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Death....saying goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have dreams about them.....and get given the ashes with rats poo
all over them....from my dad....(her son)
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I just drink
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's life.......no-one understands death. Including me. How can
ppl function?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
help everyone and I play music
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't understand how the world carried on
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sex
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
Not thinking about it...the guilt was unbearable.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Tue Aug 5 11:36:05 2003
F21 in Marbury, Maryland =USA=
Name: Loni Kennedy
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Loan Processor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 25.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Life starts as a baby and ends when God determines your life on
earth has been well spent.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Don't really remember, I'm sure I cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
They were both very young men and I remember most their mothers pain
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Everyone goes to a better place
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That they didn't suffer
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing my best friend
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
They know how much you love them
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am gonna miss them more than anyhting but I know they'll be so much
happier where they ar now
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The ones he cared for most didn't show up to pay last respects
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
he lives on in me in some way, he was always laughing or making
someone else laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell him face to face that i loved him even though he already knew
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have my family to help me through
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I did it alone, I greived alone, I felt my feelings alone and that
was ok
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear a car pass and honk, someone pulls in my driveway, i hear
someone hollering, he was always stopping by to say hi and they
buried him right at the end of my street so the main thing is when
i pass him everyday
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Life would probally be the same as it was before he went because
i didn't think of him dying so soon
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I've never felt that death isn't fair. I think that's selfish
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go see him somewhere
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
don't believe it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did the best that they could do
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That God never asked us to worship him through Brick and stones. I
feel that if I believe and pray and spread his word to the best
of my human ability then I will be loved just the same
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcoplian
--Regarding MONEY:
we didn;t even need it
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we celebrated his death not mourned over it
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching him be put in the ground and knowing he'll be there forever
(physically)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Everyone is going to a better place
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Sun Aug 3 03:40:28 2003
F18 in Lincolnshire =England=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Pneumonia/ Cancer.; Aged: 58.
--Details:
When I was 14 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. By the time it
was diagnosed it had already spread from her lungs to her bones. At
first there was no response with the bone cancer and it spread from
her hip to her knee. The tumor in her lung, however, responded well
to the chemotherepy. She also had a few treatments of radiotherepy
which eventually began to control the bone cancer.
When she came to
the end of the chemetherepy course there was supposed to be a break
of couple of weeks. During this she got put in a hospice suposidly
for a few days whilst she recovered before coming home and starting
the next course of treatment.
She hadn't gone in the hospice to
die or if she had no one had told her. She was quite pleased to go
in as it mean't that she would be able to get some rest instead of
thinking that there was dust on something and therefore not doing
any work.
The first night she showed me her room and the garden,
told me about the food she was given (better than hospital...) and
by the fourth day had actually put a pound of weight on.
The next
day I got called out of class at school. I thought maybe she had
fallen or something and was in hospital. Some relatives were waiting
for me and on the way to the hospice my second cousin explained that
she'd developed pneumonia overnight (or at least the symptoms began
to show), hadn't responded to antibiotics and her organs began to
fail.
Not long after "saying goodbye" she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the moment when the electrical impulses which cause the heart to
beat cease and therefore the brain and other organs die due to
not getting oxygen.
When this happens to someone you care about
you feel sad because you will never see them again and miss them
already. During the period of time immediately after they have died
you imagine them being somewhere nice or that they aren't really dead
because its easier than thinking that they don't exist anymore. Its
just a way of accepting that you won't see them again, even if you
don't actually believe in life after death you'll probably finding
yourself thinking of these things as it is less traumatic to think
that a loved one is somewhere enjoying themselves, perhaps even
looking out for you than to think they are dead and you'll never
see them again. Its similar to "no one is an atheist in a foxhole"
in it that it gives hope when there is none left.
Most people
at first will give you support, some will avoid you not because
they don't care but because they don't know what to say or are
uncomfortable. Some people will be very careful about what they
or perhaps say something then appologise thinking that they will
have upset you in someway. Coping with other people's reactions is
harder than the actual death.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered what was happening at first until death was explained to me.
--That first time, how it happened was
A family friend who often visited my parents & me (she lived just
round the corner) got cancer when I was 3. I remember not seeing
her as much and when I did she looked thin and ill. Just before my
fourth birthday I went to visit her for the last time as she wanted
to give me the birthday present (a clown) she (or her husband)
had bought for me. She was in bed and I could tell my parents were
upset.
I didn't go to the funeral but my dad explained to me what
happened. I did miss her & wanted to see her again but I had been
told that I would never see her again. Within a few weeks I realized
this.
At first I didn't really understand how I was supposed to
react or what death meant.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
other peoples reactions.
My grandmother's were the worst for me
as she wanted the opposite to me: she wanted to be around people
all the time and to have emotional support whereas I wanted to be
left alone to think.
Even when I told her how I felt she ignored
it. She seemed to think it was my duty to help her through the
death of her daughter despite the fact I was only 15 and had to
deal with my own grief. Even now, over 3 years later, she tries to
get sympathy from me & presumably others.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that its ok to talk about it. Death is taboo so people don't know
how to react.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I listened to music, read books and played computer games.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Other peoples reactions.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be with them only if they want you around. If not wait a few days
and then try again. If you stay around them and they just want some
time alone to think then maybe you aren't being there for them but
for yourself.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
getting angry but I was unsure what I was supposed to be angry
with. Its hard to get angry with a disease or people that haven't
done anything wrong. There is no "why did it have to happen to
them" because everyone will die it just happens earlier for some
people. Random in most cases.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did the best they could.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very good. They provided meetings for cancer patients to talk about
how they felt and after my mother died a nun came to visit to see
how I was doing.
--Religious Affiliation:
None, I've never been religious.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Weightloss, loss of strength, sleeping more.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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See Jul 03 contributions.
See Jun 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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