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See Current contributions.
See Jun 03 contributions.
See May 03 contributions.
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Thu Jul 31 09:09:45 2003
M60 in =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for the meaning of bardo - hte Tibetan word for space
between lives
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The stages of Death and Dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, Months ago.
Cause of Death: Stroke; Aged: .
--Details:
She was sitting watching television with my stepfather - had a
massive stroke and was dead hours later
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of this life. A transition into another state.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was unable to take it in
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The shock. The unexpected impact of finding myself now on the
front line.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The impact on those left behind
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The loving help and support from my friends and family. They really
rallied round to help.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The loving help and support from my friends and family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The regrets about never having had a really connected relationship
with my mother
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
just allowed it to be - did not fight my responses and reactions
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found the mess my mother had left behind fianacially
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Understand who she really was
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Celebrate her life with her husband and friends
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I put together a photograph album for the memorial service. It was
an act of reflection and leave taking
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The need to have a funeral - so unimportant
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I did not cty much and still do not. my relationship with my mother
was not one that I will miss.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My mother would be able to love me int he way I wanted and needed.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I would have liked to have a more loving mother.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have had a different experience
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was shocked
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did their best
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
Jewish
--Regarding MONEY:
She did not have enough - and left the financial details to others
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The air of celebration at the memorial party. There was no funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That she wasn't there!
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of cognitive ability. Loss of agility and function
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Whatever I could do I did while she was alive. Possibilities for
relationship are governed by both. Her capacity was limited.
no blame - just the way it was.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Living will - no aggresive rescusitation - comprehensive will and
permission for family to handle funeral or whatever in the way that
supports them
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Oh yes! Death is just another part of life. I would not like to
have a lingering illness, but whenever it comes is fine with me.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was a pioneer.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I packed my mother's things up and gave them away.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
It was very distant
The level of impact at that time was small
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I travelled 10,000 miles to help and support my step-father through
the process.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Not really
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Wed Jul 30 23:55:19 2003
F47 in =United Kingdom=
Name: Helen Lockett
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Mental Health Nurse
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More personal info:
Yes you can post it.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke/old age; Aged: .
--Details:
My nana was put in a nursing home after being independant up to the
age of 89yrs. She died within 2yrs of being in the nursing home!!!!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life as we know, no thoughts, feelings, memories, either
being cremated and burnt in an oven, or being placed in the ground
and eaten by worms and bugs!!!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I used to live in high rise flats, they had a lift specifically for
coffins, an old man had died on the upper floor, I went into the
lift after they had removed his body. The smell was over-powering,
sweet sickly words cannot express how bad the smell made me feel.
Once I got outside the flats, the mattress that the old man had
died on was propped up against the wall, and you could see the
imprint of where he had laid, all brown and horrible!!!!!!!!!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My grandmothers death, more so the viewing of her body in the chapel
of rest. I did not want to go but my family said it was the right
thing to do. It was not my nana in the coffin, she looked like
a nun. Everybody was crying at the funeral service, and when it
came for all the closest family to go over to the coffin in the
church and touch it, I could not move, my legs would not let me
walk, I loved my nana and could not even perform this last act in
aknowledgement of her LIFE, I feel I let her down!!!!
--What I think my (United Kingdom) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I do not even want to know how we could deal with death.....
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
NOTHING!!!!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I have not dealt with it. I thought of good memories, but, it does
not make it any easier.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My nana being nothing but an empty shell, gone were her personality
mannerisms, nothing there, gone forever!!!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I viewed my nana in the chapel of rest.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
nothing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See my nana in the Nursing Home before she died. I did not visit
often, because i knew she would die soon, and I didn't know how to
talk to her. My Lovely Nana!!!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Nothing!!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
nothing!!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Everybody who attended the funeral said it was a "lovely Funeral"
How can you have a lovely funeral?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I get angry thinking about it!!!!!!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be taking my nana out daily for her shopping, showing her
places of intrest, having more precious time with her, looking
after her, like she used to look after me as a child!!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why should my nana have to die!!!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her again, and tell her that I LOVE and MISS HER SO MUCH
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
would not see my lovely nana again, meaning as she was when alive!!!!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I'm not sure what you mean?? They must have done all that was
necessary for her, to make her last days comfortable, but ideally
she wanted to go back home!!!!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That god would ressarect the dead.
--Religious Affiliation:
Jehovah's Wittness
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't know anymore
--Regarding MONEY:
nothing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
That I could not touch the coffin to pay my last respects!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That my Nana would always be by my side, I think!
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't rally want to know!!
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
nothing!!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
nothing
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no closure! I think a counsellor could help I think!
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
To say goodbye to my nana in the correct way, to have closure,
but to still have my memories, but not to feel sad by them
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have dreamed of my nana on occasions, but cannot recall these
dreams.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
how the person want to disposed of , and what kind of service they
might wish for. Choice of music and no mourning.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would want to know that I was dying, so I could spend time with
my loved ones, and to express my love for them all and ask for
forgiveness of the things that I did not handle so well in my life.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
here lies a very caring and loving person, who cared for many
people, and had empathy with all that came in contact with her.
Do not forget me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
No
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
To spend as much time with my loved one's that I can
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
I try not to dwell on the subject
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
The thought of ever having to view my parents in death!!!!!!!!!!
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
To behable to cy and cry on someone's arms, and for them to tell
me it is ok to cry.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I was very angry at first when I started this questionaire, then
I was slightly upset, but I seen to feel a little calmer about it,
but slight anxiety in my stomache
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
none
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Wed Jul 30 14:27:57 2003
F14 in Denver, Colorado =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
i was looking up the sings of greaf
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Prof/Studies: school
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More personal info:
i dont care
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
faith Quake
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 6.
--Details:
he was in the front seat and the car rolled 3 and 1/4 times austin
got hit by the air bag and was killed instentley. he was also thrown
from the car about 56ft.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
you never see that person again untell your afterlife
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelef i still am
--That first time, how it happened was
he was my cousin 6 years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not being able to sleep and just being so deprest
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I dont know
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing he loves me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and going out to get my mind off of it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not seeing him and hearing his voice
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
if some was dying i would tell them that they are going to a far
better place and to rember that when they die someone else will
be born
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learnd how much i care for people in my family
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he died he is just so young. he also faught so hard to be hear in
the beging (he was like a month preamature)
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that has not happend
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him on last time to give him a hug and a kiss
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we kept geting sings
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that he was alone because he is not
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i am thing about my cousins austins mom and dad
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
that life would look great. it would not be true
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was to young he had his holelife ahead of him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wake up and it would be a dream
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i cryed so hard my eyes where puffy
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
many they help everyone else but they could not help austin
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
help
--Religious Affiliation:
i dont know
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good
--Regarding MONEY:
we spent alot
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i was so big and so pritty
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
disbelaf
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
any sing
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i just think about the good times
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he was welcomed and knows many people already
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
my grandmas mom said she saw angels floting down to get her
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont have any
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would just tell him i loved him and i would like to hear the same
thing from him
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i had a dream about him that he gave me a big hug and kiss and said
everything is going to be alright
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i want to know that i made a impact on peoples lifes
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
if i know i would be very very scared and frightend
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
kind loveing person with many dreams
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
drawing and coloring
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not realy i am on summer vacation
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
it was only a month ago so iam still upset
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just know that people cared
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was kind of helpful
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Thu Jul 24 13:00:04 2003
F16 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 80.
--Details:
his last words were "oh dear..." typical grandpa understatement!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the closure of a persons existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 6 when my uncle died. i cannot remember it but it still hurts
to this day as i can remember things he did that i do myself. i
didnt know wot had happened untill 2 years later when i realised
with maturity wot had happeened
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandpa had a heart attack...i was very cloes 2 him and i didnt
deal 2 well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the anger inside of me... i just remember being angry at him for
going, andgry at the doctors for not saving him, angry at myself
for not seeing him for 4 months b4, angry at the world because it
wasnt one of them. i resorted 2 self harming for 2 and a half years
after his death.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we dont know what will happen when we die and the only time
we will is when its our time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the memory's i have of him before he died are the most treasured
of all my memories.. we had good times
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
self-harming. this seems like an unusual way 2 deal with it but it
was the only way i could express my pent up anger with the world
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling of abandenment and rejection
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
give him one more hug...one more kiss... one more minuete with
him... one more piece of advice... one more "i love u.. night night
duck" from him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral...i didnt want 2 say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i find the poem i was planning on giving him 4 christmas that i
had written just for him... he died 24 days before he could get it...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
should have been sum1 else...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanna phone him and prove that ur lying 2 me...he isnt dead, oh he
is... i wanna die 2
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
i got very angry and aggresive but hid it from people around me. i
began self harming at 14 as a result.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
dad left when i was 2 1/2 and i felt my grandpa was doing the same
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Tue Jul 22 20:30:35 2003
F49 in Illinois =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 33 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
avoided it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother's sorrow.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can happen at any time, to anyone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the concern displayed by others.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a busy lifestyle to continue.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss of a person that loved me very much
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was present when my mother-in-law died. I was so scared watching
her suffer when her system began to shut down. Be there, hold
their hand, you are all they have because nothing else matters to
a dying person.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
regret not grieving more at the time of his death. I never really
dealt with it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I did not grieve.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I am glad I could laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my dad I loved him too.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
speak at my Grandmother's funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the little box uptown where everyone puts in a $1 or two for flowers.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
My dad gave me life, but I was never very proud of my dad. We were
poor and others made fun of us. I would wish that my parents were
better educated, wealthy, and that we lived in a better neighborhood.
I am ashamed that I felt/feel that way. I tried hard to not continue
this cycle of poverty and only high school educations, and for that I
have to be ashamed. This makes me cry and I am definitely teary eyed.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wish my dad could know my children and grandchildren and I wish
they could know him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It was just not fair that I was in a funeral procession and everyone
else was going out to lunch or speeding by going to work or school.
It just was not fair that my dad had to die at 49.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
start over.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't know I would feel like this.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
almost everything.
--Religious Affiliation:
Protestant
--Regarding MONEY:
all of the money available was used on the funeral and tombstone
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
alot of people were present, people from the past and present.
People that I knew dad loved.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
picking out the casket. It seemed so commercial.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the hopelessness.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I should have allowed more time for grieving.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Not applicable
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I need to resolve some issues with my mom about my dad's death.
She is not able to help me because she does not communicate in
a sincere and compassionate manner. She is a good hard working
woman, but she is very cold and hardened by 33 years of making it
on her own.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Thanks for all the great things you did for me and the joy you
constantly gave to me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream after dad died and there was a lot of light in
this dream. Out my bedroom window was a staircase with an angel
at the top. I had seen this picture in a book, but it was vivid in
my dream. It scared the heck out of me, because I interpreted that
dream to mean that dad wanted me to join him in Heaven. This may not
be exactly what you are looking for here, but it is still the most
vivid memory of a dream that I have today, thirty three years later.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Yes I need to make my funeral arrangements with my family, but they
can do what they want, it is for them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It is inevitable and I do not fear it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Nothing great - listing my survivors - that's all.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I began dating and married that man within two years of my father's
death. However, he divorced me twenty years later. I knew I wanted
him to replace my father, but I also loved him, gave birth to his
daughter and she recently gave birth to a grandson that she named
after my dad. I love this little guy and this is my new friend.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
My father died when I was 16, he was strict and his death meant
freedom for me as a teenager who wanted to date, have her ears
pierced and wanting to wear make up and nylons. Later I tried to
deal with the death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
My teenage lifestyle hindered me actually dealing with the death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am crying profusely 33 years later.
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Mon Jul 21 17:10:05 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I am interested in the Buddhist Bardo and found your site
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Elizabeth Kubler Ross and Buddhist studies plus my own realization
that I am more than a body
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies
My experience has helped me rise above the fear of death but was
interested in knowing more of the Bardo.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Mystical Studies
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Thu Jul 17 16:10:29 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age`; Aged: 5.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing of the spirt to another area
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt numb
--That first time, how it happened was
my rabbit died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling how she suffered and it was not fair
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to talk about it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time I spent with her before her death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
memories
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing they are gone forever
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
love
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved and appreciated ber
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why she had to suffer
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
seen her closer to her death
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt like my stomache fell out
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Wed Jul 16 08:08:58 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Google search on Bardo
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetan Book of Living and
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Mon Jul 14 19:47:30 2003
F44 in Kansas City, Kansas =USA=
Email: <melliemooa-t-prodigy.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: lawyer
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
A Grief Observed
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Stephen Levine
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: adult respiratory distress syndrome caused by pneumonia caused by
myelodysplastic syndrome; Aged: 83.
--Details:
My brother, Lupe, passed away in August 2003. Shortly thereafter two
of my paternal aunts died, both from cancer. One died in September;
the other in October. In November 2002, my father was diagnosed
with Myelodysplastic Syndrome which is a blood disorder that caused
his bone marrow from reproducing healthy white and red blood cells
and platelets. He has been sick in September with what we thought
was a cold; he went in for routine tests and found out that his
hemoglobin was low. At the end of November, they did a bone marrow
biopsy and diagnosed him. He was in and out of hospitals to get
blood transfusions. In mid January shortly before his 83rd birthday,
my father was hospitalized for pneumonia. On January 30, my father
was put on a respirator and he died on February 13. He died one
day after the 41st anniversary of my biological's mother death;
one day before St. Valentine's Day. It was very hard on us because
some of his children had different beliefs about what my father
would have wanted, different religious beliefs and general degrees
of acceptance and denial about his eventual death. My father was
an icon to us and to others in our community.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition from a physical realm to a spiritual realm. We release
our physical bodies to be free and one with God and the universe.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wept at the idea I would not ever see the purpose again
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the confusion about how my siblings viewed dying and the beyond
and reconciling those with my ideas.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the process of dying and what is beyond. What to expect.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being with my father before and at the moment of his death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being with my family, my siblings and my mother and talking about
my father and remembering him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with the physical loss of my father's presence on this earth.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to assure the person that those left behind will be ok and that
everyone will take care of each other.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt so privileged to be with him at the moment of his death and to
care for him while he was hospitalized. It was a tremendous offering
of love. I fed him, I changed his underwear, I cleaned him when
he needed it and I felt, for the first time in my life, what I've
heard Mother Teresa described caring for the sick. I felt holy and
bound with him and purged of any guilt and regret I might have had.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
knowing when to tell him to surrender to God or to get fighting. That
was so hard to figure out. I prayed and prayed and finally told
him that we wanted him to come home with us, we wanted him to be
with us but if he wanted to go home with God, if he wanted to be
with the Lord that we would understand and we would take care of
each other and we would be with him at the moment of his transition
from this world to the next.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My family has always used humor to deflect stress and that occurred
when we knew that my father was going to die. It's just the way
it was.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have discussed death with him and my mother together.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
again to be with my father at the moment of his death. I would not
have traded that for anything.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the tenderness the funeral home attendant used when transporting
my father.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember when my father was praying before lunch and we asked
"what did you pray for?" and he said "for Jesus to release me."
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Just as it was before he got sick.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my brother died in August and my father died in January. How
could this happen to us? we dealt with death for six months--first
my brother, then my aunts and then my father. Now we can barely
stand the telephone call late at night.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see my father one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
After my father's funeral we had a luncheon and I found myself
looking for him. Before that I was in some form of ecstasy. I was
euphoric. I felt holy and pure in the sight of my father's death. It
was when I was looking for him at the luncheon that I realized that
he was really gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ineptness. I cannot believe that physicians and nurses who deal
with the dying everyday cannot handle the concept of talking about
the reasonable probablities of death and the physiological process
of death.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
did not go through hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing to me. My beliefs are Christian and I believe strongly in
an afterlife.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian--non-denominational. My past affiliation was Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
as if it without borders--a linking of all souls with the Christ
and a shedding of our physical bodies.
--Regarding MONEY:
The bills for the hospitals and doctors which my mother would have
to pay.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how supportive our friends and co-workers were/are, how loved my
father was/is
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the feeling of ecstasy and euphoria I possessed for the several
days from death to the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
erratic heart rate and lessening in strength. slowing down of the
heart rate. my father was on a ventilator so it was hard to gauge
his breathing patterns.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
my family was everything to me. Without them, I do not know how I
could have coped.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my father kept telling us that his sister who had passed and his
friends, his "compadres" were visiting him at night. He begin to
talk in his sleep; something he didn't do before. Once he saw a
white bobcat and he awoke saying "get out, get out". I ran to the
room and he said did you see it--the white bob cat and I said no.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope that my father would tell me that he is fine and that
he is happy with us--that he is happy we are doing ok, taking care
of each other and my mother.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The first night after my father died as I was drifing off to sleep
a woman with blond hair and blue clothes came to me and told me
that my father was alright. He was so amazed at everything he was
seeing; that he could hardly belief it. He was so amazed. She kept
telling my he was alright. He's fine she said. I dream of my father
often. And I talk to him when I'm driving home from work. I have
a sense he can hear me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
To clearly explain when enough is enough, when to let go of me for
my transition--what kind of funeral I want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope my death is as pure as my father's but less confusing for
others left behind. I want to leave clear expectations for others
of my beliefs, my desires and my plan of transition.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
that I was a good wife and daughter and sister--that I loved my
family well and did the best in life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have been suprised by the increase in my companionship with my
mother--my stepmother really but she raised me from the time I was
3. She and I talk frequently on the phone and I visit her often. We
go shopping together alone, have lunch. Something we never did when
my father was alive.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very much so
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Wed Jul 9 12:35:50 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 68.
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--Death Is:
when we stop to function. we no longer interact. we become "broken"
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried. i was actually too young to be really affected hard.
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandpa died while in mexico
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing my grandpas body lying in the casket lifeless
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to grieve as hard as we do. he happy they had the chance to
live the life they did
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
he lived a happy full life and he dies where he was most happy
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being alone with my own personal thoughts
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the funeral
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i would thank them, and let them know they lived a complete life
and i would tell them to have no regrets
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have earned never to take things for granted. you dont know what
you have until it is finally gone
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandmna died slowly. she didnt deserve to go that way
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
carry a full conversation with my grandpa. i wish i had learned
spanish to speak with him. i usually had somebody tell me what he
was saying, so we never had any real deep conversations
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him in his casket one last time
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
before my grandpa left he told me to clean my windows on the truck
so i could see. well the day of his funeral the wipers came on on
the truck while i was washing it. it felt as if he was joking with
me telling me everything was ok
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
paul
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about it. there were things that i had forgot until i
started this survey
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
meet up with them in another life
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just saw him before he left. this couldnt have happed to him
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they had no control. it was there times to go
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
for me it was no big deal. but my family is very religious and i
think that made dying easier for them
--Religious Affiliation:
past was catholic, currently i dont have one
--Regarding MONEY:
money wasnt an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the largeness of the crowd. i had no idea grampa knew all these
people
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the viewing
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weight lose and change in skin color
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Wed Jul 9 09:25:26 2003
M21 in Salem, Oregon =USA=
Name: RJ
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo.com
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: His murder; Aged: 45.
--Details:
His boyfriend stabbed him over 90 times, then started to cut his
his body.
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--Death Is:
The end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young. My great grandfather had a stroke as he was reading
me a story.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing, I'm an Atheist
--Religious Affiliation:
N/A
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't believe in anything after death.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Lack of emotion
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
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Tue Jul 8 09:44:05 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psychology class assignment
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 29.
--Details:
it was the first death in my family that was cuased by suicide. it
scared me
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--Death Is:
a part of nature. everyone will die eventually and no one really
knows when or how
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really didn't know how to feel. i was very young and maybe i just
didn't understand what was going on
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being the only one not crying at my grandfathers funeral. instaed i
went and babysitted all the kids and avioded the funeral all together
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a good thing now the person can rest in peace. i don't like
it when people cry at funerals they are so depressing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being able to understand that i will die someday and that it is
inevidable
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself. i always wanted to be by myself when i grief i hate people
seeing me cry
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go of someone you care about and seeing everyone that was
affected by the death and how it makes them feel
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them know everything is going to be alright
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
deal with death. i felt bad for not crying but at the same time
i don't think he would have wanted to see me crying
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
death happened to people that didn't deserve or not ready to die.
they were either young or had a good future and it was all taken
away. what a waste
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a reaction that people get when they can't control thier
emotions and instead of crying they laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be a little closer to my grandfather. after all he was my only
one and i wasn't as close as i should have been
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my family and my grandfather becuase i was at his
house when he passed away
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
crying at funerals. you feel almost obligated to cry
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
people start talking about the death of a loved one again and they
start crying
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i'm not quite sure what it would be like. families get closer when
a death occurs so maybe we wouldn't be so close to the people who
we arec lose to now
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did it happen to him, he was such a good person he didn't
deserve it
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run away and cry by myself
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't believe it because i just say him a couple of days agao
and it seemed unreal
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
uncaring. they really don't care who has just died they are just
another died corpse
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing to me
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
it costs too much. it shouldn'yt cost an arm and a leg to bury
your loved one
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all the crying
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the crying and being depressed
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i just like to think about other things and not be sad
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i know it's coming i would just like to know when
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just forget about it
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
familes coming togetehr
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
i was very young and din't really know what to think
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Mon Jul 7 17:36:52 2003
F16 in Phelan, California =United states=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Psychology
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Liver Cancer; Aged: 82.
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--Death Is:
Death is When your body stops functioning and you your spirit no
longer exists.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was young and didnt really know the impact it causes on people and
when I think about it now that I am older its harder because I dont
really remember him, and it upsets me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
That I cried, we all cried and I dont remember hurting for him but
crying because everyone was crying.
--What I think my (United states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
once your dead you dont come back.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
THe time I had with my grandfather when he was alive.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To remember that they were loved, to have no regrets and not to
be scared.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He fell asleep with me on my lap and when dinner was ready he
wouldnt wake up but he was still breathing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have some memories of him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
when died and I was sitting with him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
He was old and was sick.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When I smell oranges I miss him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would still go to grandpas and he would still probley be giving
me cool rocks taht he found.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to my grandma
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cant believe has actually DIED.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They couldnt do anything he was gone.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We dont really go to church
--Religious Affiliation:
We dont go to church
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
He went to heaven.
--Regarding MONEY:
Who got his money and what stuff went where.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone was crying
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I didnt really n=know what was going on. It didnt actually hit me
like it has now.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Turning Greenish.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Family and the fact that we new it was coming helped in my case a
lot. And you dont forget.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I never had.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My friend died in the hospital and he heard the moniter beeping
that his heart and stoped beating and they has to revive him and
he remebers it all.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Psychologists
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd want to learn more about him.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I dont want people to be happy Im dead.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be scared. Very scared.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was famous and caring. She tried hard to accomplish her
goals. She was loved my many.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just talked to him, I know he can hear me.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk to him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
Not many memories to hold.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I would be there if they wanted me to be but I wouldnt push myself
on them.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I was too young to really remember how I felt and I moved past it
a long time ago.
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Sun Jul 6 15:51:55 2003
F52 in Hesperia, Ca =United States=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
How We Die
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Dr. Nuland
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: blood infection; Aged: 82.
--Details:
My mother was bed ridden for about 5 years. The fact that my father
wanted everything to be done to keep her alive was hard to take. She
didn't recognize anyone and didn't talk. It was heartbreaking to
see her like that. It was even harder when my family argued about
what to do for her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is the end of life as we know it. All I can tell you is that
my belief is there will be life after death. I just don't know what
kind of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was very frightened. The grown-ups were whispering and we didn't
feel like we could play. I didn't know how to act and no one was
paying any attention to us or explain anything other than our
grandfather died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much I would reallly miss this person who was my mother. Even
though she was without sound and didn't know who I was, it was the
most painful thing that I experienced.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is very personal. It involves all those who love me as well
as those that I love. We interact with our family so any death will
have an effect.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my mother's pain, if she was in any, ended with her death. One
of the last things that my mother ever said to me was she wanted
to die. She couldn't tell me in what context it was meant.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being with my husband and knowing that I can still feel his hugs.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
There would no longer be a mother to visit or talk to. For some
reason, I could always talk to her.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To talk about how important that person was in your life. Let
that person know that there was an impact on your life, your hopes
and dreams.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to see her death as a continuation of her children,
grandchildren, great-grandchildren and so on. Without her death
there would be no others to follow.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
there was fighting over keeping her alive.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I couldn't laugh. I was worring about the interaction of my brothers
and sisters.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To tell my mother just how important she was to my life and by just
learning from her all the important things that stayed in my mind.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To be there even though she didn't know I was there.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The ritual of the death. We put everything into a ritual and it is
for the living that it occurs rather than for the dead.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
My children want to talk and I realize that I will never be able
to talk to my mother again.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That she died before I could say goodbye.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Another ritual that didn't seem to help. I felt closer to God by
talking to him and decided to get to know him better.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
More in keeping with my idea of the way it should be rather than
a battle of which religous view is correct.
--Regarding MONEY:
There was no inheritance.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Those that cared about my mother was there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't know of any.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There is only one issue that seems to stick around for me. What
truly went wrong with my mother's health that she just dissapeared
into something like a coma without any notice.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to know why she died. What went wrong that she had to
lay there year after year and not say anything. The Doctors where
no help in telling us why she died. why can't she tell us.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream about my mother and she didn't say anything. She just
sat there and kept me company. I had this dream years ago and its
like as if I just had it. It was so comforting that I can't let it
go. Like as if she was telling me everything will be okay.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to have my wishes to be followed. I don't want anyone to
second guess them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have thought about my death. However, I will probably lose my
husband before I die. With that knowledge, I try to be a independent
as possible and hope to equal my father's life of 97 years.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
This the passing of a person who wanted only the best for those
that she loved. She tried to do the best thing for everyone and
she wanted her family to feel very special because they are.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I used prayer in which to cope and still do when there is an
especially difficult time to get through.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I did not see any new friendships.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
doing the best I can while I am alive
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
feeling of betrayal and wishing it was me instead
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to listen and be there when the need to talk about the death
is important.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has helped in seeing another side of death. I know that death
will be a part of my life in many different ways yet this survey
helped put it into perspective.
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Sat Jul 5 19:16:54 2003
F50 in Saratoga, WY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo search on Dying friend
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Prof/Studies: janitor/lab helper/aid at medical clinic
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, Years ago.
Cause of Death: could die at any minute; Aged: 77.
--Details:
liver failure from pesticides used in farming
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the body, but continuance of the spirit
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
his suffering and illness at the end
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Give the person flowers while they are living, not at the funeral
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
support from friends and family
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time alone, enjoying the things that we had enjoyed together
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
lonliness, no longer having the phone ring just to say hi, or
sharing something he just saw on TV
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them, even if they are comatose. They still know you
are there.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
gave of myself even when I was too tired, or wanted to do something
else
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctor gave conflicting reports about my friends condition,
and his indifference to the family and my friend
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My friend always made me laugh, even at the toughest times
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Apologize for pleading with him to go the doctor sooner, since it
would not have made any difference. He knew his own body better
than anyone, he knew he was dying. But I was too selfish to see that.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there till the end, having a wonderful boss, who is a wonderful
compassionate doctor, who went out of her way to keep me informed
about my friend's condition when his doctor wouldn't, and allowing
me the time off work to be with my friend at the end
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I awoke the night before I found him unconscious and could not go
back to sleep
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that he was old for his years
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize that we can't be together doing the things we so loved
to do together
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would do more to please him
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I only had my friend for 3 years. Why couldn't we have met
years ago?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sleep for a week and feel better afterwards
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
don't leave me now, I need you too much
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disbelief that the dr. insisted that my friend must have tried to
kill himself. Yes he was depressed, but I knew and his family knew
he wouldn't try to kill himself. He was just very ill for a long
time and did not let anyone know how sick he was. His son found
out more about his illness online than the dr. knew!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
anger. I wanted the ambulance to take him to a hospital 2 hours
away, but they wouldn't since he was so critical. The hospital they
took him to is known as "If you want to die, go there" Most of the
nurses and aids treated him as comatose, even after he regained
consciousness 3 times!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. We could not stand his wife's minister, as he just came
around to take her money
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Religion has nothing to do with my spirituality. I am a more
spiritual person than most people I know who attend church
regularly. I know that my grief will subside, and with my heavenly
father's help and his shoulder to lean on, I will get through this
and I will be with my loved one again
--Regarding MONEY:
he made sure everyone was taken care of before it was too late
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I can't answer this, as my friend is still hanging on to his last
few days on this earth
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that even when it seemed like he would never regain consciousness,
I knew in my heart that he could hear me and he knew I was there
for him. While at the hospital with his son and daughter-in-law
and grandchildren, it was me that he asked to help him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
giving away possessions to the people he wanted to have them. Going
to see family members knowing that it would be the last time they
saw them.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I knew he was dying, I just didn't know it would come so
suddenly. But when I think back, it wasn't sudden at all.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know what he experienced, but as ill as he is, he seems to
be at peace.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have become close with my friend's family, which is very helpful
to me. I have comforted them as they have comforted me. I know I
did all I could do for my friend, and I know he appreciated all I
did for him. But he did so much for me too. He restored my faith
in my fellow man.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I have been able to tell my friend I love him, and he has told me
he loves me too. What more could I ask for!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was mourning the loss of one of my favorite musicians. I had
a dream that I was riding in a car with a group of people that I
didn't know. We were on the way to the funeral of this person. I
looked over at the man sitting next to me and a tear appeared in
his eye. I reached over to wipe his tear away, and when he turned
towards me, it was the person we were going to bury! He took my hand,
and that was when I knew that he would be ok.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Even if the dying person appears to be sleeping or comatose, speak
to them, not about them to a third party as if they can't hear what
you are saying about them. Include them in the conversation even
if they can't answer for themselves.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Death doesn't scare me anymore. It is the suffering, illness and
pain that can become a part of dying that I am dreading.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She gave of herself to help others.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
When I lost a good friend in college in a car accident, I got away
by myself and went for a bike ride to a park. I will do that again
when my friend passes away, I will go to my favorite mountain bike
trail and enjoy the forest and the smell and the breeze, since I
know that is what my friend would want me to do
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I will be keeping my friend's beloved dog. I will have that
connection to my friend.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My coworkers have been so helpful, and just their hugs and kind
words have been a blessing. His family's trust in me has also
been wonderful.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
Parents did not let me attend funeral
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I spent as much time as I could with my friend.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I got a lot off my chest. My mind has been a blur of events, now
I can rest.
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Sat Jul 5 08:35:30 2003
F36 in hesperia, ca =usa=
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sylvia Browne, John Edward,
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 31.
--Details:
single car accident. she had been drinking at the bowling alley,
and gave her keys to the attendant. At the end of the evening,
they gave her keys back to her. She drove half way home...........
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Going home!!!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Went into total shock. Then evtreme anger.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The last time I saw Kathy. Waving good-bye to me as I drove off to
come home. She was standing in the street, I was looking at her in
my rearview mirror, waving out the window.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not the end of anything. You are simply going back home,
to the other side.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Still havent dealt with it completely.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Being left behind!!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Dont be afraid. When your time comes, you will not want to be alone.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When is it my turn????
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
How could she be taken away from me? She was all I had.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Illicit Drugs
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Fri Jul 4 03:24:22 2003
F30 in Geneva, Geneva =Switzerland=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
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Fri Jul 4 02:52:51 2003
F30 in Geneva, = ?? =
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
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Wed Jul 2 04:05:28 2003
F55 in Cheboygan, Michigan =USA=
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Prof/Studies: Theology and Scripture
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More personal info:
I am a retired postal worker of 25 years, on disability for life.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
apostles, prophets, disciples--GOD
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 42 Years ago.
Cause of Death: selfish humans; Aged: 2.
--Details:
I was a kid who minding my own business, came across a dog that kept
comeing to our yard all winter long when I was outside building a
fort in the snow. This dog would show up and spend the day with me.
It was a beautiful collie, and for some reason the animal liked
being with me and its owners got mad about it leaveing their home
all the time, and one day called the animal control office about
it. They showed up one afternoon in our driveway and put a long
stick out in the yard with a wire at the end for the dogs head.
They then proceeded to take the dog by force and it was the most ugly
sean I have ever witnessed, the guy was just mean and violent with
the dog. He was curseing and swearing at it and being a total jerk.
He just came into our yard said nothing and told me to get out of
the way. I started screaming for my mother to help and she would
not, she just told me to stay out of the way. All of this seemed
so much like nonsence to me and so unessary . I asked if I could
help put the dog into the cage with out the wire as the dog would
have gone in, it was very obedient to me. But no, I was just a
kid what did I know! The adults were jerks and I was absolutely
devestaed by the actions that day. I learned some things that day
I have never forgotten. My relationship with my mother changed,
and my relationship with men changed. Mistrust set in for adults
and respect as well went out the window. Anger came in and for a
long time. I think even now that I have a deep seated anger for
people in general and know how much they can ignore the dignity and
presence of life in another. That was in 1955. I still have trouble
seeing most people as anything but problematic and jerky. Which is
the truth and the conclusion is this...people are the problem.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of hell or heaven depending on how we lived and
treated other people and the rest of creation around us. Hell,
being the very sins we committed only exzagerated to a hundred fold,
be it craveings or meaness, or wickedness, and at the hands of an
appointed demon entietiy who will gleefully carry out their task
of metering out the punishment upon one who remained unrepentet
all their life of their treatment of others for their own selfish
pleasure or gain or other insane reasons. I will rejoice when I see
it , because it comforts me to know that JUSTICE will have it's day
in the hands of a JUST God who controls the power and the creation
and Who is ultimate Goodness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked and it was profound.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my fathers tears and sorrow at his fathers death. My now e-husbands
lack of tears and lack of closeness to me, at his mothers death.
Her death didn't hurt as much as his distance and eventual drinking
which still goes on today.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is final and people need to be real about how that person
either did or did not understand the afterlife and not make claims
that are not true about them. Such as their in a good place now,
when they are burning in a hell they made during their lifetime.
The truth is more comfort and easier to deal with than a bunch of
lies and halftruths.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the reality check it brings. The freedom it brings when some
controller finally has no more control over anyone else including
their own death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my personal faith and the Word of God on the matter.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing the children of a lost or dead mother who was in a casket at
the front of the church, and knowing the nurturing and love was gone
from their lives from her. Seeing the pain in the family members.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Keep your mouth shut and just give a reassuring pat on the shoulder
or back, and a hug often.
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
become the radical, wistle blower that I have become since.
The reason why I don't let people close to me to get away with lies
and delusions.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people were not willing to make way for life, but eager to send
animals or people to their deaths without batting an eye of
compassion or care for their survival as long as possible.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
True. It is the joy of the moment in realizeing that here is one
sucker who is going on to something better hopefully. The JOY of
the next phase of life as we know it about to start into a phase
of life that is either heaven or hell of our own makeing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing . I have always found that we seem to spend the time we
need with people while they are alive because their pretty much
dictate while they are alive how much time others feel comfortable
with them in anyway.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
experience the love from the ones I have and to share that with them.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The death gasp came.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
a funeral service.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
no not me. I simple have no emotional response after the initial
one at the death and rememberance services and free lunch afterward.
I think I have a very realistic view of the whole thing. My first
emotional response is just that emotional. Then it is back to
the business of dealing with a life full of assholes and jerks,
and the occasional decent human being that crosses my path.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Frankly, there are people in my life that only their death will
bring freedom to me and my life. The others , are my friends,
and when they go, I will be happy also, because I know they are
going on into the peace and rest they deserve, and the joy that
they look forward to. That makes me happy and I will miss them,
and all but over all happy .
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to see the number of people who are shafted and then croke.
Shafted from one end of life to the other and then they die from
the stress and trauma of dealing with assholes.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Croke myself/
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was shocked.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
too little to late.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
never had any.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a bunch of crap that amounts to nothing but some feel good feelings
for this life and nothing but lies about the afterlife.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past-Catholic, present- a independent free disciple of Christ.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
for REAL. Where it is at and true. I have experienced it early
in my life when I was 8 years old or so. It is very real. So much
so that I can hold to no other teaching about the afterlife to come.
Spirit and truth is where it is at.
--Regarding MONEY:
basically, is not discussed because too many people are involved
who are controlling . I have friends who inorder to save money
or keep from going into debt. Took their fathers body from the
morgue at the hospital, and drove it in the back of their station
wagon to the place where it was cremated. The story of that trip
made me laugh so hard I cried for joy at this couples strength and
common sense in handling the entire event.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the things that people don't know, don't want to know, and are so
easily and readily willing to push out of their minds , so as to
denie the reality of life and the way people live it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
why it is so drap and downcast when it could be a very happy event.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the patient who knows they are on their way out. Grey color, and
loss of control of their functions.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
God is waiting, make sure they know that and that they are ready and
fully aware of the Biblical process to prepare to met Him Personally
before they die.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
well, the bottom line for me is this....biblical truth. Dead
realitives are NOT! Angels yes! The dead realitives, well,
try maybe paranormal demon spirits who would like to further the
delusions of grandure that we want to believe. Reality is another
experience that is awaiting even the deluded. The Holy Word of God
is true and right. After death to the judgement. Judgement implys
we are going to see Gods justice for how we obeyed the Word of God
or not.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Yes, I have had experiences, and all were to enlighten me on the
reality of a true live Devil, who hates my guts with a passion
because I love and worship and praise the One Holy God who is
Jehovah, and His one TRue comeing King Jesus the Christ, our Savior,
our frined, who suffered and died the cruelest of deaths.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am resolving those issues now. With my mother, who for years
harbored dislike for me and resentments. She has a dislike for
me that is not natural and is not normal. She is a lost soul but
a Catholic so that in some peoples minds makes her ready for the
afterlife. To their great disappointment, I tell them she is far
from being ready. She is so lost it makes me just cringe for her.
I have told her boldly and to her face that she has been lied
to all her life and she beleives the lie because she wants to.
Of course this does not endear me to her or to the rest of the
Catholic family. But that is besides the point. My mother is not
a confessing beleiver in the God she speaks of , she is mouthing
when it seems appropriate to, for the comfort of others. She is
not engaged in a serious discussion of the reality of what is on
the horizon for her if she does not come out of the bubble she has
been in for most of her life. I talk straight with her. She is
heading for hell if she doesn't deal with the truth and reality.
I can sleep at night knowing I have been honest with her and about
how she has treated me over the years with disdain and dislike.
Her unresolved hate and all. I can deal with it now and attempt to
get the air cleared. Trouble is she is a atheist underneath that
Catholic venerr she wears for the rest of the family. Her mother
and grandmother were all athiest, and I am not. We have a casim
between us. That is the truth and reality. I am in a process of
discussing this with my mother, because I am asking her to bless
me before she dies. My father also. If they won't or can't,
then I know there is unresolved feelings there and if they don't
want to settle those then so be it. But I tried and wanted to.
That is all I can do. The rest is up to God to inspire them to
press thru it and take care of it from their end. If they don't I
am not going to blame myself. I will let them go on to what they
have chosen and want for themselves and be at peace.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I have not lost anyone really close to me....like a husband(that took
place in a divorce and is not over yet...I am daily experienceing
a death experience with him) or my children. I know that each
of my children accepted Christ Jesus as Savior, even if they are
not living a life of a disciple yet in full. I am comforted by
this fact. My Ex husband is nothing but a sorrow to me. He is a
pain beyond discription emotionally and spiritually. It is a daily
one day at a time experience with him even yet, 12 years latter.
His behavior is totally immature for his 56 years, and totally
morally bankrupt towards myself. He is very sick with alcholoism and
in denial of course. The children are seeing it more now than ever,
but they live with him and they give him more support and attention
than they do me,and have since the day the separation started.
He had them totally deluded and they are still there in large part
and because he had all the help on his side to keep the retirement
moneys that I should have had from him after 28 years of marriage,
and he had the power of people in high places to put me out on
the street out of total insane rage,and the ability to manipulate
even family members into closing the door on me when I needed help
to survive and maintain parenting with the three children....he
has it all in his pocket , the family, the money, the life, the
children, the emotional support from them, and of course, his women,
and boozeing unsaved friends, and his booze. I get to live each
day with that reality, death by divorce. I have a whole different
view of life and death and it has caused a whole different reality
for me to deal with. Ever since childhood I have had to deal with
this kind of reality. It has not been pleasant or fun. But it
definately, has keep me on the cutting edge of seeing the morally
bankrupt part of the human experience verse the deeply developed
emotional and spiritual component of this life. I have gained a
perspective the others have not because of being an outcast, black
sheep, and rejected,treated like a piece of used trash, unvalidated
and demoralized for many years at the hands of so called loved ones.
Truth and reality, are not two commodities of most peoples lives,
and the truely abused among us can see that pretty clearly.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
yes these are wanderings of dead peoples spirits who have been
judged to not enter heaven and will face a second judgement for
refusing Jesus Christ as Gods son and deliverer of their souls.
So their souls wander forever with out peace and are in a state of
wandering when they appear to us still alive.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Oh yes my mother wants to be creamated but my sister insists she will
have a casket and funeral and hugh leoncheon at the church basement.
My mother hates the idea/ But my Catholic controlling brainwashed
sister will have it the way of the church no matter what the hell
my mother wanted. There is family love for ya.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
looking forward to it. Just don't care to suffer to much more
is all.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Here is a woman who came into her own at 8 years old. Visited by
God and called to ministry early while the rest of us were still
eating our cherrio's, she was called to preach the Gospel and lead
her little friends and some adults to Christ Jesus. Maligned by
the Catholic Church as "Crazy", and by her family as the same,
because the Catholic Higherarchey is to be respected and believed
unto death...(no matter that most of those they listen to were
found to be down the road 50 years latter,,,, closet practiceing
pediphiles on the children of the community and around the world
mostly in America, for all of her childhood and adult life)..she
was dismissed as being emotionally disturbed. However, after
many traumatic experiences and rejections over the course of a
lifetime, she is now widely accepted as a true Prophetic Voice in
the wilderness. She was, even though discredited by her alcholic
womanizeing husband of 28 years, a devoted mother, who suffered
from debilitating clinical depression from the trauma's incurred
over her lifetime of abuse,and loved her children. The children
all testify to the truth of this now after she died and the truth
has set in. All the lies and inuendo about her lack of fight for
the children in court, turns out to be a simple case of attorney
malpractice and criminal neglect of a client in need of protection
instead got betrayal and then was forced to pay thousands of
dollars to the criminally neglegent attorneys and judges who
over saw this case and mocked and ridaculed her as a gold digger.
She was a true scapegoat in every sense of the word. She protested
and asked for help from family and community and even the mental
health community but to no avail. They all considered her a reject
who wouldn't work and pay her own way, in total conflict with the
truth but since they wanted to believe a lie, they had to beleive
the opposite of the truth about their sister , daughter, wife and
mother and one time fiend. Yes, here lies a woman, who lived up to
the calling of saint who sometimes sined, who followed the Christ
Deliver, and was treated as such, with persucation galore. Did she
ever complain, yes often! Was she ever concerned that she was not
walking a model life as a christian...yes often,because as she said
"I have trouble with people who call themselves family and friends
who with hold love and support". I get angry with lying conartists
for lawyers and judges in this nation and my community, who slap
the hands of a local rich guys kid, who is selling hard narcotics
to our children, for 20 years and then turns around and gives 20
years to someone who comes into town with one ounce of mariwana.
I have trouble with the legal system screwing up the lives of
innocent woment and children who are trying to escape the hell of
abuse at the hands of alcoholic men who are hell bent on living
lives of anything but decency. She was a crusader to change things
until she discovered how bad things really are and decided the best
way was the Lords way, preaching the uncompromising Gospel of truth
to a wicked and perverse generation. As long as they are going to
persucate me they might as well do it for the sake of the Gospel
of Jesus Christ whom I follow she would say. No point in being
angry with people anymore, does no good, might as well, tell em
the truth and let the chips fall were they may and let God worry
about the rest." She also would tell you that being persucated
is the sign that she is doing something worthwhile, and needed.
Getting in peoples face about the truth and reality of the way
they are living this life. Being criticized for not being a slave
to the government or to insurance companies
or lawyers or the
courts , is just fine with her. It means she is succeeding in her
lifes mission. Agravating the hell out of everyone she meets.!!!
Hahahaha. And with that....she would say....mission accomplished,
glad to be out a here!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
The true word of God. The bible.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Yes it has made the call to serve God as a prophetic intercessor
and evangelist even more important to me and more urgent.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Well in my case it seems like there are none. It is like I am
the black sheep of the family and will stay so. But that is their
problem not mine. If anything comes of this it will be a closer
relationship with those in the family who understand the difference
between being a Catholic and being born again and delivered into the
salvation of the Lord Jesus Christ. Those traditional, and those
who are now the outcasts of the family, will gather together and
the rest will disapate toward those who believe the way they do.
I realize this is for their releif in their own minds to a large
degree. I will be haveing trouble with the blindness that grown
adults insist on walking in however, and sorrow at the fact that
they will grieve even more if they come into the reality check that
the Bible can give a person who really takes it seriously.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
Crying. Letting it out.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
crying and crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Getting real.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Sure has.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Yes what is the state of health of your family? Emotional, mental,
spiritual, physical, financial, and goal setting and asperations?
Are they alive, dying or dead? How does this make you feel?
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See Jun 03 contributions.
See May 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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