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See Current contributions.
See Feb 03 contributions.
See Jan 03 contributions.
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Tue Mar 25 13:59:06 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
J.Previte at Victor Valley College, Victorville, CA
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Tue Mar 25 07:19:35 2003
M48 in =United Kingdom=
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Prof/Studies: Registered Nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Heart attack; Aged: 69.
--Details:
My father had never suffered from a heart attack. But he went into
hospital needing 4 Coronary Artery Bypass Grafts.
He suffered
a heart attack after the surgery, whilst coming off the bypass
machine. They resuscitated him but unfortunately he died from
numerous complications 12 days later. I blamed myself for so long
afterwards, I never said goodbye to him at his hospital bedside,
I could not look at him when I visited. I felt responsible, After
his death I shouldered my family through the bereavement, then my
sister announced that she was getting a divorce. I never really
grieved for him. I felt solely responsible for his death.
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
laughed. I was 7 years old at the time. My Grandfather died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Not saying Goodbye
--What I think my (United Kingdom) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is not the end. Death is a natural process, and until
we learn how to die, we cannot begin to live.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I did not really have any external support. I was so wrapped up in
other peoples problems that I neglected my own
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not dealing with it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Bring an atmosphere of calm to the dying persons bedside.
Meditate,
say prayers either aloud or to the person who is dying (depending
on their belief system) Help them gently through the dying process.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I realise now that my father did not die. The essential I am is
with God. He is at peace
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was just an emotion, a reaction to something that seemed so
ridiculous at the time
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell him that I loved him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Met this wonderful man, who changed and guided my life. He was a
good person to have in my life. He is still with me in memory
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I looked into the sky to see if I could see my father
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a particular piece of music
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
My father was a good man. The first time I went out after his
death I heard someone shout "Dad" I turned around and fled from
the scene. It was a painful experience.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I am over that aspect now
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I dont believe it. He did not wait for me to say Goodbye
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They were fools. They wouldnt let my father die. They should have
let him die on the operating table. They kept him alive because
my mum was a close friend of the surgeon at the time. Although
they never admitted it, they kept saying that my father had an 80%
chance of survival. But in my heart I knew that he was already dead.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Spirit is everywhere, we are in essence Spirit, when the body dies
the Divine Mind within us lives on.
--Regarding MONEY:
not affected
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was a time for letting go
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The feeling that it wasnt real, that it was all a dream.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
None
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you Dad
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have worked in a hospice situation. Although the Hospices do
really good work, I am not sure that the practice a life for lifes
sake is a good one. I have seen people who have gone through the
chemotherapy for cancer, gone through various operations, and for
what purpose. To extend their lives for a few more months. I am
not sure that I would want that for myself or for my loved ones. I
wish to die with as much dignity and independence that I can.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would want to know that I was dying so that I could put my house
in order. I am not afraid of death, I try to live in the here
and now. I know that death is just a process that we go through.
The essential I am will continue after I die
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would hope to be remembered as a kind and compassionate person.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am no longer afraid of dying. My fear is how I die and not when
I die
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, I have developed a very close friendship with a man, who I
guess, in some way fills the gap that was left in my life from the
death of my father
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Mon Mar 24 09:28:49 2003
F20 in St.Clairsville, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
for a class project
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Unknown Person, Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
something that people do not want to think about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was very sraced
--That first time, how it happened was
I was going to volleyball practice and I heard someone yelling.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I was scared
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that everyone is going to die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing things that reminded me of it.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
Trying to talk to my friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Sun Mar 23 19:51:48 2003
F28 in rochester, ny =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
www.beaucoup.com (search query: death)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: gun shot wound; Aged: 16.
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--Death Is:
the end of mortal existance.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was furious.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
escaping by driving in my car for hours.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is as certain as life. we begin to die the day we are born.
with this awareness, it serves as a reminder that each day we live,
that day is precious. life is a paradox: every beautiful event
we can envision may be our last.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
realizing that each moment of my life is a gift.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my spirituality, personal therapy, family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my narcissism.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listening to them, encouraging them, validating there fears.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a i did not laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell those that i love them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
??????
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
denied it to be possible.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Since my father was recently diagnosed with advanced prostate
cancer and a prognosis of 2 years, I am confronted my the meaning of
death daily. I wake up with thoughts of death, go about my daily
grind with thoughts of death, fall asleep to thoughts of death,
and even dream thoughts of death. I think about losing my father
and other family constantly and try to come to terms with it.
My head is still swimming.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Thu Mar 20 14:07:57 2003
M15 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung disease..suffocation; Aged: 60.
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--Death Is:
a part of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
depression
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
cope with it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she was with god
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
religion
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
regret
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why she died, did she know i loved her
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
no
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
express my love
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her before death
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i wish she was here with me
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she had to go so early in life
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her..or forget
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shocked..upset
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
neutral
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
death
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her coffin for the last time
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
The deased saw light and seemed to be experiencing harmony then
she died. ..... survivors often drempt of her talking to them
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
she visited family in dreams
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Wed Mar 19 22:14:49 2003
F31 in adelanto, ca =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 25 Years ago.
Cause of Death: alcoholic; Aged: 49.
--Details:
He basically wanted to die. i can remember him wanting to die because
he was so unhappy. he drank and destoyed his bosy to the ultimate.
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--Death Is:
scary.unknown.spooky
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was scared to death. i felt he was in my closet. i thoght that
he would just get up and grab me. i felt i was sinking into the
graves as we walked to the burial ground.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my uncle and he was known to be an alcoholic. and died from
sclirosis of the liver.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i felt total terror during this death. i have never realy been able
to get over the thought of death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it should be a happy time to rejoice.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing was able to sooth me other than a person being right there
with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
everything i felt total fear.understanding lifes normal process.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
being caring and mostly supportive.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
i wish i was not scared of death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i thinkl about just laying there feeling lonley.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never experienced that feeling.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to look at my uncles face and maybe be able to touch his skin. i
wish i would have loved him instead of fearing him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live through the funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my cousin in-law didnt attend the funeral instead she prepered
the meal for the family after the service.
she showed her support
without attending the service.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
maybe i should not attend funerals if they make me feel so bad
inside. maybe ineed to show my support by stying behind and being
thier to provide the after service meal and talk.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
others bring into my life like news, war, september 11th and murders
of children and others as well.
deah scares me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dont know he was a very smart man and if he were here and a doctor
maybe he could have helped me through nursing school.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to have to die and rought in the ground or burned to ashes.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
live for ever.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
scared and confused. because number one i was very young. i had
never been prepared about death.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
some respect.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a closure for family to talk
--Religious Affiliation:
non denomination
--Regarding MONEY:
very sad i think that is sad the way that the funeral homes make
A FAMILY MEMEBR HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
HAVING TO PUT YOUR LOVED INTO THE MURKY GROUND AND LEAVE THEM
THERE FOREVER.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
THE PROCESS OF THE AUTOPSY THE WAY THEY CUT YOU OPEN AND PULL OUT
YOUR BRAIN AND RESEW YOU UP I SCARY AND WEIRD TO ME.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
when a family memeber dies they take apart away from me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
IO BELIEVE THAT THEIR MUST BE SPIRIT THAT ARE WALKING AROUND.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I SHOULDNT PROBABLY ATTEND
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Fear of Death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no
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Wed Mar 19 21:54:40 2003
F29 in lakehills, texas =usa=
Email: <heavenlytexasgirl-at-yahoo>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
i entered quizzes into the search engine and all of the quizzes
came up,
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Prof/Studies: computer specialists
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 67.
--Details:
it happened in my home on a nice sunday afternoon. He had just
gotten up to get his dirty clothes for me to wash when he had a
heart attack.
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--Death Is:
the end of the body as we know it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock, then disbelief and then the sorrow hit all of
a suddenl.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
all of the regrets alot of the family had when my father died
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we don't need to make someone who is suffering hold on any
longer then necessary, we need to stop being selfish
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my father did not suffer needlessly through the disease he
was diagnosed with right before he had his heart attack.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how stingy my sisters were after my father died
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just sit there in the room with them and talk to them, hold their
hand and make sure you tell them you love them everyday.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that he is still around even though he has passed away,
the only difference is that he is no longer suffering.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctors kept telling me there was nothing that could be done.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was just one way that my body and brain decided to handle all
of the emotions running through my body.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my father that i loved him before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
finally meet alot of my family that i was never able to meet
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my father had that last burst of strenght for the last couple of
days of his life.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how he looked right before they put the sheet over his head
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear certain songs on the radio that remind me of him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i can imagine my father still driving his truck, being independent
and very happy. My mother and father back together and everyone
living happy
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
how could god take away someone so loving and yet there are so many
evil people in the world.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
lay down in a corner and cry
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just collapsed on the floor and cried for what must have been hours.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
depression
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little my father was not a religious person
--Religious Affiliation:
methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
everything worked out perfect
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how the officers played taps just perfect and the 21 gun salute
sounded so professional
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
finally realizing that someone you thought would never leave has
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
hot flashes and hard labored breathing
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
sitting in a quiet room and just thinking alone helps your body
and mind rejuvenate.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my father saw my grandfather a couple of nights before he died
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i feel content
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
he would tell me that he was okay and not to cry for him anymore
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my father comes back to me all of the time. He is either there to
give me advice or comfort and sometimes both
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i sit in a quiet room and just pray
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
there aren't many comments that people can make to help me deal
with death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
it was just hard to believe that someone so close to me could
go away,
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Tue Mar 18 10:52:30 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
doing research for graduate school
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Thich Nhat Hanh, St.John of the Cross, St.Terese de Avila, Sogyal
Rinpoche, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, Judith Simmer-Brown
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1.5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 74.
--Details:
It was sudden, though Dad had some discomfort for two months prior,
which he simply stopped talking about. There was some inability
for him in talking about it - not having language, now knowing that
death was not the great conqueror...He died at night while coughing,
and was beyond resucitation by the time that the ambulance arrived.
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--Death Is:
an end of the time that our bodies function. Physical breakdown
due to disease, mistreatment, age, or violence that makes the body
unable to function any longer.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in complete shock; not having the tools with which to think
about death, nor the familiarity with death, left me speechless and
virtually catatonic for a number of days. I still have not fully
recovered my voice, though in Grad school and working with hospice
as an inter-religious chaplain.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying out loud without thought or intent, but being held by
siblings who were also grieving and simply letting go of my pain.
That is what I was not able to do when a teenager.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is organic. It will happen. And that it is helpful to talk
about it. Talk will not make it happen sooner, but will help us
to cope with it when it comes.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the connection that I made with siblings, the common ground that
I felt in grief with them. And the commonality shared with all of
those who have suffered such loss.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nature, definately, because it was such a big part of my relationship
with my dead father. Books also, but mostly teachers and counselors
that normalized death and made it OK to feel bad, good, numb,
depressed.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not having the person around any more. Losing a friend with whom
I had such an exciting future. Losing the relationship that my
father would have had with my new in-laws, and him not being there
at my wedding. The wedding was kind of hollow because something
was missing. From this I am still recovering, as is my mother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
if it is difficult to be fully present, focus on the breath of
the dying person, and breath with them. Or picture yourself in
their position. Notice your fate in their eyes, and open your
heart accordingly to yourself in your time of need.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
used my guilt at not being there with him to motivate me to help
others in the same position. It is really not guilt, but a strong
urge to help others because I know how much it would have helped
to have someone present with my father at his death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I got the call that he had died. It was hard to comprehend.
He was gone? What did that mean? And then trying to find the
words for the experience as it was happening, or in conversation
with family. Then trying to sort out the roller-coaster of emotions
that streamed forth out of the experience.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was confused, and my body was somaticising that confusion.
I drank a lot, and it had no effect. It was just mixed up.
And it was typical. Nothing new here, nor anything to worry about.
The most helpful information that I heard then and soon after was,
"for you, anything goes".
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk with my Dad about death, what there was to fear (or not fear),
regrets that he had that likley shaped his grief at the thought of
dying, and his lack of willingness to talk about it.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help to spread my father's ashes. I would recommend a family
wake/cremation prep/funeral to an institutional one. It is very
cathartic, and hard, but important in the grieving process.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I touched his body, hard and cold as it was. And I talked to
him there. And then spread his ashes.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
music played, words said at the funeral. It was nice, and important
to some of us, but not me. It was a formality that I did not find
particularly useful, probably because of what I said immediately
above.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about calling him, though he is dead.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Because I am away, my daily life would not be much different.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
no, but actually that I was angry with him for dying and leaving
us, especially mom, alone without giving any warning, doing the
paperwork, preparing in any way because he was scared to. It made
me angry. When I expressed it, it began to dissipate.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
throw something sometimes.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
simply went silent (above)
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
a waste of money and time.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it would have been helpful if possible
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
training with hospice, and in Tibetan Buddhism
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
Parent's own inability in coping with death, and lack of language
in talking about it
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Tue Mar 18 10:13:26 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
doing research for graduate school
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Thich Nhat Hanh, St.John of the Cross, St.Terese de Avila, Sogyal
Rinpoche, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, Judith Simmer-
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
training with hospice, and in Tibetan Buddhism
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
Parent's own inability in coping with death, and lack of language
in talking about it
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Mon Mar 17 15:41:22 2003
F45 in Victorville, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Psychology
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Prof/Studies: nursing
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More personal info:
no
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
no
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
no
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 95.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid and scared.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my great grandma.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how very much i miss him....and he will always be missed by me and
everyone who knew him.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
to hold on to those wonderful memories that we shared.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the help, support and love from family members.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the great loss of someone you love.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them know how special they are and how much they meant to
me....and i'll see them soon.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother being very ill.....with cancer....why did she have to
suffer and get this...and leave me???
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good bye.....although he knew i loved him....i always told
him so.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
clear the air.... and somehow make her feel better and me having
made peace with her....(My ex-mother-in-law)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i start remembering all those wonderful childhood memories.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think that the appreciation for the person that died would be much
better...although i feel its important to treasure each day...you
never know whats going to happend and tell and share with the
people you love and tell them how special they are and how much
they are loved.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that me mother is suffering and dying from cancer and she is soooo
afraid to die and let go....
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
take alll the cancer away....and let her live her life to the
fullest.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried and cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great disappointment.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
didn't have any contact with hospice.....my mother was in florida.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much.
--Religious Affiliation:
christian....the ones that take..take...take your money.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
not right.
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral home and everyone involved.....was only interested in
one thing....getting paid.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the showing of love and respect.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I'm glad they are not suffering any longer.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
don't know.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
don't know.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i would love to think that that was really true....I have yet to know
someone who has had that kind of experience with someone who died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
never happened to me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't feel I have left any unresolved issues...I wish I would
have taped recorded his voice...his banjo playing...his laugh.....I
always was extremely open...honest with him and I always told me
I loved him every time I talked with him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him how very much he is missed.....i still miss
him....he was the awesomest guy I ever knew.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i have never seen my grandparents after they died....but felt very
strongly of there presence.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
no life support for me....let me go....
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
well...death is inevitable.....hopefully I will have lived my life
in such a way that I could still look at myself in the mirror with
good conscious....knowing that I did the right things..that I raised
my kids to be the best they can be and use the things that I have
taught them. have no regrets....tell my loved ones how special
they are to me and how they made my life a better place.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
???
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i just cried.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
having someone help me with the grieving process.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes....unfortunately I don't have alot of the answers....
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Mon Mar 17 10:52:06 2003
F19 in victorville, ca =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psychology 10
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 Months ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is not just the end of someone. the person may leave their
body behind but their soul continues to live on probably not like
we live in our bodies everyday but in another type of living.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
dont think it ever really sank in that they were gone until maybe
just recently and sometimes i still think about and dont believe
that they are really gone. their death was unreal to me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that i was very upset but as soon as i saw how much it affected
other people in my family i became much more upset. it hurt me very
much to see other people in my family suffer.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
is that it does happen to everybody at one time or another.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the person who died was suffering and now they dont have to suffer
anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband and time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking about not ever being able to see the person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
really listen to what they have to say.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i actually realized that my grandmother was never coming back.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell them how much i love and care for them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be a part of this persons life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go to the places that the person loved to visit the most.(the
beach, mexico.)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
visit this person for just a few minutes where ever they might be.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wish i had been there more for them.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the way other people dealt with the death.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing that i can never see this person again.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont think that i always treated this peron with the respect that
i should have. i know that it is to late now to do anything about
that but i know that this person knew that i loved them and that
is all that really matters.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i go sit in my spa and kind of meditate.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has been very helpful in letting me put the death in perspective.
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Mon Mar 17 09:53:46 2003
F22 in West Palm Beach, Florida =USA=
Name: Shauna
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student, Sociology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2.5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 39.
--Details:
I was my mothers primary care giver at home in the final months of
her life. I would give her her shots of Lovenox, clean her port on
her chest, make sure her oxygen lines were not pinched and clean
her rotting body. I was 20 years old in the final stages of her
life. A cancer which should have taken her life within six months
of diagnosis suffocated her in the end after a 19 month battle.
Fairness would have been for her to overdose on morphine 10 months
into it. She refused, however, to take any pain killers unless
absolutly necessary.
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--Death Is:
the end of life, the end of cognitive thinking and the end of
feeling.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13. I was caring for my cousin during spring break and his
neighbor died while changing a lightbulb in the garage. I had to
tell him that it was ok that the old man's heart just broke. that is
the first time that I actually experienced death. the first time my
life was ever touched by death, though, I was not allowed to mourn.
--That first time, how it happened was
My "step cousin" was killed in a school riot. Being that I was
not related, at least immediately, my Father thought it best that
I not attend the funeral, memorial or any other form of mourning
for this fallen teen.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone said the same things to the loved ones. "If there is
ever anything I can do..." "Oh, I'm so sorry..."
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to communicate without lying.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
disassociation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the recognition that a part of me had died along with her.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that it is ok to cry, it is ok to be weak and it is ok to feel
exactly as they need to.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
started my recovery.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My own son was born and I could not call my Mother to tell her
the news.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her I loved her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was having a bad day and I just needed to talk.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The nurse that was responsible for the in home care from Hospice,
happened to be my neighbor. She is now marrying my step-father.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It started shortly after my mothers death. At first it was always
the same, she would be lying in a hospital bed with wires and tubes
everywhere and she was always holding the writing tablet that she
held the last time I saw her. One night I told her to go away
unless she had something to say to me. Now I realize that it was
me who had something to say to her. Most recently, I was treating
her for some torn ligaments that were injured as her dead body was
lifted from the operating table. She was telling me all about it.
The scariest dream of all though is still sketchy. My mother and
I were at a bar and she was showing me her scars. She had scars
that I did not remember her having, namely a perfect I incision
reaching from her clavicles to her diaphram splitting her chest
into two portions. This scar was reminicent of someone who had
undergone an autopsy. This would not have been so shocking to me,
except that no autopsy was supposed to have been done.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Illicit Drugs
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Sat Mar 15 12:35:13 2003
M49 in baldwin park, c a. =u.s.a.=
Name: frank tafoya
Email: <agape.two-at-verizon.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: manager of store
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible psalms
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: 24.
--Details:
lost cntrol of bike killed instantally but I know that Jesus was
there with him at that second of release from this place
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we shed off this tent of flesh and put on our real home that
God has made for those that trust in his only son Jesus the Christ
full of love and light and peace with overflowing joy so death for
us is only the begininng
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
grandfather death
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain in my heart that was no more chances to say how much I
loved that person or to hold them and to laugh with them any longer
--What I think my (u.s.a.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that for those who trust in Christ its only for a season of change
till we all will be together again with those that have gone before
us we all pass through that door
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I treat people with a different view of the good that in them
and alwalys let them know I love them cause we never know when that
may be the last time we see them
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family and true friends chrstian music lift my heart
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
those 1st days birthday holidays family outings pictures with them
not here any more
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
remember all the special moments you had with all those who love
you and care so much and that Jesus is always there with you in
your darkess hour his light wiil guide you to peace and love
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
took for granted that he would always be there and now I know to
walk like I might not pass this way again love!!and care about people
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why them and so young ?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was GOD!!!!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hold them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be the last person in the family to talk to him and it was so
peacefull and upbeat tell them Iloved them
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we saw them lying on the bed so peaceful!! and with a smirk on his
face like he had just seen something wonderful out of this world
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Ihear a song or see a movie or a friend wiil say a certain pharse
or word
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
dont know but hope we would do it better
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yes why them and not me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see them again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
loved one was the pain that filled my heart and the cloud that
covered my mind
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
helplessness with good intentions
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
knowing God as my true helper and source of life Jesus a friend
that stays closer than a brother
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian born again
--Regarding MONEY:
eeven in this death it cost us to have the funeral quite a bit also
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that there was so much love that filled the chapel and we truly
had a vist from God with his tender mercies that all in attendances
felt and share with us they would never forget this day
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the day of the burial at the train cross we had to wait for train
passing and all the cars had the words evergreen and to me that
was God saying we never die but all have a crossing and it will be
evergreen to those that trust Him
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
yes seeing them on a hill of golden wheat watching others coming to
that place of rest and the smile that was on his face was a sight
that i wiil always teasure
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
yes when i had a heart operation when under waking up in a room of
total darkness and calling out with my mind only God where are you
this is not heaven then rememberinng i was having surgury i tried to
move my toe or finger but could not then noticed I wasn't breathing
or had a heart beat my mind raced before me I told Jesus I don't
like this but he had been so good to me so I would Trust him then
i was a wake like coming from under water with a big breath of life
things looked more alive than ever
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
spendy time at the gravesite talking to my loved one and pondering in
my heart all that had gone on with family and how I deal with events
that would come up and it seems always making promises to change
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
trying to pray for those close to me and letting them known I love
them every chance I get kepping in touch
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Fri Mar 14 12:14:16 2003
F37 in Victorville, Ca. =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psych research paper
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 10 Years ago.
Aged: 23
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--Death Is:
leaving this place and relocating to a waiting area before we go
to heaven
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was young and couldn't believe it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why, because he was so youg
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Fri Mar 14 02:33:55 2003
F32 in victorville, california =United States=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: respiratory therapy
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
holy bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 60.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
ceasing to exist in this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt frightened by the whole event.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
alot of adults out of control with their emotions. It scared me
to be the child and watch adults screaming and crying.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
children should not be exposed unless absolutely necessary.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I do not take my children to funerals.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my talks with God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my age and not knowing how to express myself at that time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there for them. Some people talk too much and end up saying
something that is not appropriate.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize that caring for my body is important. We abuse our bodies
and then expect them to function for us, yet we avoid the fact that
our life expectancy decreases.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we cry because we see the dead body. We should not put ourselves
through that morbid experience.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it show that life goes on.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good bye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
support my grandmother.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
things returned to normal once we left the funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
going to the persons home after the funeral. People have made it
a ritual to take food to the home and drag on the moment.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think that my grandma lost a son. I think I could not be that
strong.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would say I love you more often.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
this person was too young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
don't want to go to the viewing.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
being so advanced, yet God still controls every thing.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
assurance that there is life after death for those who believe in
Jesus Christ.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christianity
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are no longer in our bodies at death it is just an empty shell
left behing. The spirit has gone on to be with God, if you had
accepted Jesus during your lifetime.
--Regarding MONEY:
people started fighting about the money involved before the funeral
even took place.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people came to the funeral that never bothered to visit the person
when alive. People even show up that did not like the person much.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
walking away at the end of the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
people start giving away their personal belongings.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Death is a natural process of life just like birth.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I do not believe the other side can visit the living. The bible
clearly points this out.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Seek help from a pastor.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Describe heaven to me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I believe the person wants to see their loved one so bad that they
imagine it.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
People should plan their own funerals or leave instructions. I don't
want people to view my body at my funeral it only makes things worse.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would change my life drasically. I, like most people, still feel
that I have lots of time left even though I know that is not always
the truth.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She loved. The greatest commandment is to love and she did.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing about my emotions in my journal
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My cousin deeply bonded to my mother after her dad passed away.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
my belief in eternal life for those who believe in Jesus Christ.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Let the person express what is truly causing their emotions.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes.
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Thu Mar 13 18:42:04 2003
F19 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
have to do a report on online surveys, i got it from my teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: an illness; Aged: 33.
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--Death Is:
When someone heart stops and they stop breathing and they are no
longer here with us on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was five years old
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my mother a brother, a month apart, i was only five i dont
remember. Each from a diffrent illness.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how upset everyone, and how things changed around me
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its not always a bad thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Nowing that the person who may have died is no longer suffering
and may be on there way to a better place
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family being there for me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to face the fact that the person is never coming back
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to just be supportive and never show that you are upset
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am stronger because of it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I just didnt understand why she had to leave, why it was her
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
That its ok to laugh or cry or be mad, its ok to show emotions
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know her more, that way i would have more mememorys
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn to understand it
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people i didnt even know were offering support
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how nice the funeral looked or the food that was gonna be there
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear someone else talking about a mother and daughter experience
or i watch a sad movie
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did it have to be my mom
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
am sad, and very angry on why they left
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Being to young to know what was really going on
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
The continouse saying sorry and being reminded from other people
who were really just trying to be nice.
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Thu Mar 13 17:09:01 2003
F18 in victorville , california =usa=
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Prof/Studies: schooling to become a nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: sepsis and other complications; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like going to sleep and never waking up
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was pretty traumatized I had never had someone that close to me die
and I had to people that Iwas very close to die within two months
of eachother. One a very close friend to a terrible car accident
and the other my grandmother whome I wittnessed die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Is being in the hospital room and watching as the monitor flat
lined and I felt completely helpless.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
being more open about it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I knew that my best friend and grandmother were both in heaven. And
my grandmother got to be with my grandfather again.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend, he was there through everything. At the hospital,
the funeral, afterwards, and still now continues to help me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my friend was so young, only 16. And my grandmother had always been
so health, spunky, and full of life, and then to sit in her room
and watch her slip away was horrible.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just tell them how great they are and how much you care for and
love them.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that life is precious and God can take us at anytime.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we all thought that she was going to be OK, and that she was going
to come out of it but she didn't.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
we were all just trying to look at the up side of things if there
was one.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my grandmother more. Even though she was in a coma she
could have maybe still heard me. But I was too upset at how she
looked. That wasn't actually my grandma on the bed it wasn't at
all like her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to be with her when she died and tell that I loved her.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
figuring out the "will" it's stupid to let things like that get in
the middle of family.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when you think your "over it" but you never really get over it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it's not like my grandma to give up she was so full of life and
always fought. I remember being angry cause I felt that she had
given up but i realize now that she was in a coma and very sick
and there was nothing anyone could have done
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see them one more time, to talk to them, and embrace them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
don't believe it. It was easier to accept whent my grandmother
died because I was with her. But when my friend died it was like
it wasn't real. I had just seen him the week before. Then he got
in an accident.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
somtimes they miss things. My grandmother had a huge mass in he
intestines that the doctor had said had to have been growing for
years but nobody saw it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that i will see them again
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people still joked around because we knew at both my friend and
grandma funeral neither would want people to be sad or upset.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you need someone to be with and talk to but you also need time to
yourself to reflect on what has happened.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my cousin was in the room also when my grandmother was passing and
just before she did, my cousin who's mother passed away previously
saw her mother in room almost waving to my grandmother to follow her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be afraid and sad but at the same time comforted because
I know I will go to heaven.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I prayed and talked to both my friend and grandmother as if they
were in the room with me. Even though they were not physically
there I beleive they hear me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
I had more closure because I was in the room when she died
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
I basically shut down and isolated myself for a while
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has been very useful and helprd me to sort through some issues
that I had.
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Wed Mar 12 17:29:07 2003
F18 in ca =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, Years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 14.
--Details:
Included above.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our physical body, our vessel of life ages to a point where
the necessary fuctions of daily life cannot be performed.(natural
death)But there are many other ways to die painful or otherwise the
end is the same. Those who believe in heaven go there, some people
ger reincarnated and some people just move to a higher power.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in third grade and my great grandfather died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the way he used to be before he went through the several strokes
and brain cancer that finally killed him.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is not to be feared because it is just being raised to a
higher state of being.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It teaches you to live everyday as your last, to not take things
and people for granted and to live life to its fullest.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Frinds and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That everything would be okay, don't be afraid.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
let it add to my experiances and make me a stronger person.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel that that person could be here with me today to see all the
things I have done and to share in my accomplishments, thoughts,
and feelings.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That the person I loved so much would no longer be there for me
when I needed them.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
change what happened.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
could not accept or realize that what actually happened did happen.
--Regarding MONEY:
it did not take care of the way we felt
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how everyone comforted eachother as though they were connected
through the loss.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was easy to talk to others about how I felt.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
believing that those who have died over the years are up above
watching me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
The support circle of all the friends and family that knew him.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Wed Mar 12 11:31:14 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: dog attack; Aged: few months.
--Details:
most signifcant because of expperance in the death. The trama of
bleeding in arms and squelling.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is separtion as a result of body systems failing
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
blocked it out
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
blood
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
learned ability to ignore
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
internal reflection and moving on
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
memorys
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't bring it up
--[My pet's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
moved on.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Wed Mar 12 11:30:50 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: dog attack; Aged: few months.
--Details:
most signifcant because of expperance in the death. The trama of
bleeding in arms and squelling.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is separtion as a result of body systems failing
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
blocked it out
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
blood
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
learned ability to ignore
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
internal reflection and moving on
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
memorys
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't bring it up
--[My pet's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
moved on.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Tue Mar 11 20:10:50 2003
F23 in ploiesti, romania =romania=
Name: Dalia
Email: <daliahelwa-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
from yahoo entertainment
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Prof/Studies: unemployed
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More personal info:
i live in cairo and im 1/2 egyptian 1/2 romanian
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 47.
--Details:
i wish i had gone to meet her be4 she died she was expecting me if
only i knew
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--Death Is:
when someones task in life is over and they have to depart and
go to the after world where we might or might not ever meet them
again ......
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt understand what it meant and i saw them crying so i imagined
it must be something really bad so i felt sad and wanted the chance
to make my mom meet that person one more time be4 they died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the screaming of the family the petrefied faces and the tears that
were endless my mom had to take me to another house not to let me
see all this coz it was very difficult
--What I think my (romania) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that they shouldnt get the dead body so we can see it one more time
be4 its barried coz alwyas the last memory of that person would be
while they were dead and looking really bad so id rather keep it
a nice old memory where i remember the dead one in a real good time
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that before my grand father died he had halluscinations and couldnt
remember anyone but he remembered me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
god
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no one knowing how to deal the right way with how i feel
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
he/she is much more relaxed now of all the stupid life pain and
when a person is good god alwyas takes them away coz he wants them
closer to him since he/she is so good
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dreamt hed died be4 he did and i had in my dream the date of birth
too although i didnt know when he was born
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my dog died i was thinking do dogs really go to heaven so if i ever
end up ther will i see her again
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when something is so much it usually turns opposite for me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
treat my grand ma better the last day i had to meet her but felt lazy
which made me so upset i regret it alot i wish id gone to meet her
hug her and let her know how much i loved her cared for her and how
a wonderful person she was and how she affected all our lives and she
really kept us all together since she left my whole family got apart
and i wish she knew so many other things about me i know i was her
favourite but i wish i gave her at least 1/2 the credit she deserved
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
survive the pain when my grand mother died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the last thing someone said before they died
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
u shouldnt cry for the dead too hard coz it really upsets them and
makes them real tired
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think that one day id die will i ever make anyone feel like that
at all.....
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
wed be more aware of life and wede be sharing and not wasting any
moment coz time is very precious now
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that poor people because they dont have money they dont get the
opportunity to save someone almost dying like in the hospital or
doctor for example
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went running to my room and i put my head on the pillow and opened
my mouth and screamed so hard but i didnt want anyone to hear coz
i was shy to be sad dont know why and i cried but the pain i had
had inside me was much much more than the tear i dropped from my eye
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they save people which live with more pain and if they leave them
to die it would have been easier for them but harder for the people
that love that person
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
really uncomfortable
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot of reading in the holy book and alot of prayers for the loved
one who passed awya coz they need it
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
scary unknown and mysterious
--Regarding MONEY:
my grand father has so much money hidden somewhere which he didnt
tell us where he has it be4 he died but we still wouldnt ask him
its not right its soo cheap
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how people that r closest to the one that died react with saddness
around all the other people
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that i never ever have been to a grave yard
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
dreams, words they say and appetite also the way they react coz
sometimes they seem to know they r gonna die
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i dont know how i would react if i would be in their position
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
ive experienced it be4 i died and i came back it was such an
intresting experience
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i was in an opperation and they gave me extra anestethy and i didnt
wake up the doctors were very worried coz ive over slept and my heart
beats stopped so they panicked tried to wake me up and when i did
i found everyone around me all the doctors and theyre faces were
so releived and they called my mom on the phone and told her that
now im ok so my mom got really scared coz they thought that someone
has called her be4 and told her i wanst ok so now the doctor that
called is trying to make it up and say im ok although he shouldnt
have coz no one ever called from the first place on the other side
what i felt is soooooooo relaxed and i saw everything white like i
was on top of clouds and i could see my self in all the dimentions
and i felt i was so happy and relaxed that i didnt wanna go back and
it was actually the first time for me ever in an opperation to feel
this way i usually sort of never lose contact of feeling the doctors
around me this time i felt nothing i couldnt feel them at alland i
didnt wanna come back what brought me back is one thing the feeling
that my mom was concerned but i feel i really struggled to go back
i felt i was fighting so hard to go back to life and when i woke
up i was openning my eyes so wide open and i was scared to close
them coz i didnt know if i had gone there would i have ever been
able to make it back or not and the hardest intimidation was the
feeling that i loved it so much there coz it was so relaxing :))))))
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i would hug and forget all the pain coz maYbe i never have the
chance for that hug again life is too short
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
it would make me feel much better to let them know how many qualities
they had
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
once i had an exam and i didnt wake up on time and no one did and
my grand mother which died she was waking me up in my dream telling
me comon uve got a test pls get up so u dont get late ... i thought
that was amazing
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i wanna be washed very well and wanna be wrapped up in white cloth
really good and i want all my holes filled up with cloth although
i dont know if that would be very comfortable i also want alot of
praying and holy book read for me i want people not to forget me
and to visit me as much as they can coz ill always be there waiting
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
if i knew id die soon id never stop praying or at least i wish ide
never stop praying
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
a swwet always smiling and very innocent the angel of our lives
the one that always was there for all of us we wsh we would have
got more in to her she really needed help
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i prayed
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i didnt change i just felt how better it is out there when we die
if we r good people
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none happened to me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
my mom said it wasnt a suffering way of dying which is good
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
prayers
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yah alot it got me thinking but also got me really scared
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
what do u think of the after life?
thats one question which i
wanted to be asked
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Tue Mar 11 16:06:00 2003
F19 in victorville, Ca =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: Hostess at Marie Callender's; Psych major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: the car rolling and she wasn't wearing a seat belt; Aged: 17.
--Details:
on their way to a basketball game driving fast like 40mph on a dirt
road. lost control after hitting a speedbump she over corrected
herself and the car flipped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your body is ready to go onto he next level of life perfection.
When your soul has done all it can do on this plane and you are
ready to experience the next level.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
t was just around christmas and I was not at all close with the
person so it wasn't very hard on me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone knew her so it was hard not to talk about it. I just
remember fceeling so sad about it. I dwelled on it for some time.
Sometimes I still think about it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we cannot take it so lightly. it is a serious matter. no need
to joke about it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that the circumstances of her death really opened my eyes up to
life. no more taking it for granted b/c the next day could be
reserved for me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that this is it, no coming back. you are now a memory.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to make tem feel so loved and that they will be missed. that they
are irreplacable.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i heard about the accident. she was a senior in high school and
she had her whole life ahead of her. she was loved by all, so why
did she have to go
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have known her better. I herd all these good things about her and
IK knew her so little
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn from this experience and in turn make my own life and those
around me better
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
in a state of disbelievement, shocked and so horrified that someone
I knew would no longer be here onh this earth
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
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Tue Mar 11 03:25:06 2003
M17 in HongKong, = ?? =
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend Years ago.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
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Mon Mar 10 21:04:05 2003
F20 in Denton, Texas =US=
Name: Tessa
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 5.
--Details:
Just watching her 7 year old brother (my cousin) was one of the
worst feelings in the world.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Inevitable. Death is when we leave our phsyical bodies and our soul
goes to a higher place. This higher place is like a better home
for us all. Something so beautiful that we can't even comprehend
it's beauty. It's filled with love and so much more. And if
you wonder what i mean when i say leaving the physical body it is
when that spark that each and eveyone of us had hidden deep inside
desides to come out and live. We all are happy!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Actually i really couldn't believe it. It was a reality check and
told me that i better always let everyone know how much i love them
no matter how angry i am never leave someone without telling them
how much you love them and how much they mean to you.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The affect after the death of my cousin was negative for me because
i was angry that god could take away such a precious life. But now
i understand that everything does happend for a reason and even if
we dont understand it now someday we will.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Well coming from my hispanic culture, we believe that death is a
time of mourning and also a time of celebrating. We mourn the death
of a loved on because we know that physically they wont be with us.
We celebrate it because we know that their soul has been reunited
with the lord. In that we celebrate by a rosary during the time
of death and a dinner at the house of the mourning family.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
IT really brought my whole family together. It was sad that the
only time i saw a certain side of my family was during the funeral,
so now we have made it a point to keep contact at all times.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family and sitting alone in my room crying and praying. I would
say mostly it was prayer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that I will never see my cousin grow up into a beautiful
woman.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Letting everyone knmow that love them and mend all ties.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
prayed for god to take care of my cousin and our family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I mean the most confusing is the way you feel before die. IT
scares me to know the last thoughts that go through my head.
I dream about it and it scares me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Well I never really felt like laughing. But when my grand mother
died i remember wanting laugh it wasn't because i was thinking of
all the funny things she used to do.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I actually like to say that I try not to have regrets but right
now i can't think of any that truely regret because i like to learn
from my mistakes.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have a family that loves me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i dont know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i can't think of anything
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a song that she used to sing all time.."you are my sunshine"
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I always wonder how my life would have been diferent if my cousin was
still with me. How I knew she was going to grow up to be beautiful
girl and how she was going to change mylife.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Yes i used to think that it was not fair because she was too young
and she didn't deserve to die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Get sign from her to know that she still watches over me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I didn't want to believe it at first i was hoping that it wasnt'
true.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Well i was young all i knew was that she was going to get
chemotherapy in dallas. I know that the hospital did all they
could but everything was to late.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i dont know
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Church and religion is everything to my family and death..and even
so birth.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Yes we all have our own gods but the same beliefs we all go the
sameplace it only called something different.
--Regarding MONEY:
i was too young to know
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that everyone that loved alyssa was there andit was beautiful
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The open casket viewing..i felt weird because it was her but it
wasn't. It is hard for me to explain...just touching her cold body.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Hallucinations...not bad ones but i remember my cousin saying that
her stuffed animals told her she was going to die and that everything
was going to be ok.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Like i said earlier, my cousin's stuffed animals had told her
that everything was going to be ok, she actually referred to then
as her angels. I also remember my father telling me that when my
grandmother died she said she was visit by her sisters and brothers
who had passed away before she did.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with my cousin she knows i love her
and that she means everything to me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I told my cousin everything that i have ever wanted to know and
i know she knows how much i love her. BUt i think i would have
wanted to have one last time to read to her before she went ot bed.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I remember having dreams about my cousin i dont remember what
happened but she was there playing with me just like we used to.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i only want people to think of good things when i die. I know
it will be a sad moment for my loved ones but i want everyone to
remember me for the good i have brought to their lives.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Well actually i have had alot of thought about my own death. It
scares be to talk to about it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Tessa Tiscareno, is gone in body but not in heart. She loves
everyone even those she doesn't know and wants everyone to smile
from here on because she always smiled.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Well my cousin had helped my mom pic out a bear for my christmas
present. I still have it and i hold it to make me think of her.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Only more of a closeness with family members.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Always being with my family and sharing all the precious moments
with them.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
I just never really thought about death till it hit me.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my cousins older brother. I let him know that i
was there for him if he ever needed anything. He knew this so he
never hesitated to call me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I haven't thought about the death of my cousin in a long time. This
questionaire has brought up so many memories and know i am thinking
of all the fun times i have spent with my cousin and how much i
wish i could talk to her.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I have no comments
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Mon Mar 10 19:48:02 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psych 1603 project
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
i feel its our judgement day, we stop living in flesh and become
souls transcdning to heaven (depending ofcourse on the life we
lived!)
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 11 years old and i saw it happen
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the actual death/drowning itself.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that when you die you're gone forever and you dont come back as
some spirit or anything.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i came to know that time can heal all things
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having my families support and believing that i wasn;t to blame
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being there when it happened
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to be positive and not bring them down, make them feel loved and
appreciated b/c that chance will never come around again
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
managed to get through it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why did it have to happen to him, he was only 7yrs old
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never had that urge
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have had anough self confidence in my swimming and had swam out
and saved him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
save my brother
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i went for the body viewing
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
his mother's reaction to me, she was so kind
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone asks me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
a whole lot
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back and change things
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried and cried and cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
pshhh
--Religious Affiliation:
xstian
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Mon Mar 10 18:12:18 2003
F33 in Corpus Christi, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology Class Project
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Prof/Studies: full time student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 22 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Breast Cancer; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a crossing over for the departed and yet a devastation to those
still living that the person has crossed over. You will only have
the memories, pictures, videos, or gifts given you by that person
as proof that they ever existed. You will never physically see them
again when they have passed on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was devastated but also confused being 11 years old. At that age
you don't realize that you can't go to the funeral later on if you
choose not to attend the first. The once in a lifetime aspect is
not realized at this age, or wasn't by me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
she died while I was at summer camp. The chaplain took me to the
Chapel that has open walls and overlooks a wide meadow on a slight
incline. It was there he told me that she had died and I just sat
there watching the deer feeding along the meadow and my thoughts
were of her but somehow I thought I would get to see her when I
returned from camp.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not sure
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I did know her for a short time, and that she loved me very
much. I know I will see her again in spirit when my time comes.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, friends, Church, movies that bring out the tears of sadness
and joy as well
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
THat she was my protector, I felt scared, lost and alone when
she died
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
giving them the choice that they don't have to die alone if they
don't want to. Some people refuse to do this for a dying friend
or loved one. Yes, it is difficult, but it is the ultimate gift of
yourself to another person.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
try to appreciate each day as it comes and mostly to tell people
how I feel whenever I feel it..I don't want to be engaged in an
arguement and then never getthe chance to tell them I'm sorry.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
years later after her death I was still having severe difficulty
with it. Depression, drug use, bad choices, rebellion etc. I felt
that since it had been years ago, I should not be having difficulty
with it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
doesn't apply
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how so very much I loved her and all that she ever did
for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
nothing comes to mind. Not one thing about her death was easy
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
don't know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the will..who gets what..why did you get that? I should have gotten
that because I'm the oldest grandchild....
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch a Disney movie that she had taken me to see at the movies,
or when I go fishing since she is the one that taught me, looking
at her picture.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think I would've had the same issues with drugs if she
were still here. She would have whipped me into shape when I did
that. I also would not have felt so alone that what I do doesn't
matter since it doesn't affect anyone else
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she/he was such a blessing to so many people.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
join her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought I'd get to see her later and so did not go to the funeral
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
no comment
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
unknown
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
helping to initiate a stability with closure
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcopalian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
natural
--Regarding MONEY:
too young to know this
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
not sure, didn't attend funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
what happens in the coffin after being buried? How long before you
wouldn't recognize the person anymore if you exumed the coffin? Does
their soul immediately cross over or is there like a waiting period
like Jesus's? Once you've died, do you know that you're dead? Do
you remember your loved ones when you cross over or do you start
something new?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
not known
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not known
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had overdosed on cocaine when I was 23 and the paramedics had to
bring me back. I don't remember much except that I think I hovered
over the ceiling looking down on me and the paramedics. Two days
later while at home I got a phone call from a guy named John or Paul
(not sure) saying that he was one of the medics in my apartment
two nights ago. He said he knew I had a serious addiction and
wanted to do anything to help. A week later I told mom and dad and
a treatment center had been decided upon. I personally wanted to
thank the mysterious caller so I went to the station that the EMS
was dispatched from looking for him. I DID however talk to the
actual two men that WERE at my apartment and neither had called
me. They said that they are not allowed to personally call upon
patient calls. Also, no one worked there by the caller's name. I
believe that I had a divine intervention.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel good about it but I wish she could've stayed longer, It
would be nice to know her woman to woman
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to hear that I will meet my significant other at some
point, that she watches over me, that she still remembers everything
we did together.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
A school aged friend of mine was shot by his father and then
the father shot himself. The older brother said that he dreamt
the younger brother came to him, they hugged, and he simply said
'goodbye', turned and walked away.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If I am not coherent when on my death bed, I want my family to ensure
"Last Rights" before I die. VERY important!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die alone, I think I want to be cremated after
my needed organs are donated. Sometimes I think I would want to
know 'when and how' so I could live out my days fully if it is
approaching..but shouldn't we do that anyway?
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
what I'm proud of, my achievements.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Years after my grandmother died, we had a small funeral for my
benefit..it seemed to help but all I could look at was a tombstone,
not a coffin.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
nothing comes to mind
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not for me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
The use of illicit drugs allowed me to keep avoiding everything
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
don't remember
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Helpful somewhat, alot of these questions I had already reflected
upon at one time or another. I think the survey is way too long. Some
of the questions are hard to understand as you go on because the
prep is too long and I think some are repeticious.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Shorten if possible
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Sun Mar 9 22:30:52 2003
F18 in Hesperia, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
It is a school assignment.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Inspired word of God.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Falling and hitting her head.; Aged: .
--Details:
I just wanted to say that when my grandma died, she died very peacful
and limp.The coroner said that you are usually stiff when you die
and they have to cut rings off the fingers of the one who died.But
my grandma was relaxed so much that they could pull her rings right
of without cutting them.I know she died peacful because she saw
Jesus. To be abcsent from the body is to be present with the Lord.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
An entrance into either the prescence of our Lord Jesus Christ or
Eternal serperation from God if you have rejected Him your whole
life on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was 6 years old. It was painful but I knew I would see her again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
We all missed her smile and kisses. Her love, her wisdom,her faith.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That Jesus has beaten death when He died on the cross, and if you
believe in Jesus, death is nothing to fear.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I have the assurance that Jesus is their for me and I know
that when I die I will be with Him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Jesus Christ
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing my Grandma
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To give them the hope that if they know Jesus there is nothing
to fear.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
The only way I got through was in the loving arms of Jesus Christ.He
told us in the Bible to come to Him all who are weary and heavey
laden(Matthew 11:28)and He would give us rest, and He did.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Nothing. I know Jesus was their for me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't remember doing that
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have given my Grandma a hug before she died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Lean on Jesus
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
People prayed and was their just to listen to us talk
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
All the flowers. It just reminded me more that my grandmother had
just died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about my grandmother not being at my wedding or the birth
of my first child.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
All that would be different is that she would be here with me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That she died. But later I realized that God has a purpose for
everything.Even death. She had heart problems really bad. So I know
that she is no longer suffering.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I don't know.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Would not see her again until I died. Which would problably be
a while.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did their best, they could not do any more for her.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I was not involved with anything like that.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Their was no religion but a relationship with the one true and
living God.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a Christian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Jesus is the only way. He defeated death when He died on the
cross. When we die we either believe or we don't. If we do we are
on for eternal life, if not , seperation from the livig God.
--Regarding MONEY:
Not sure I was only 6
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was a memorial service. That in our sad loss we could rejoice
that my grandma was now out of pain and with Jesus.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I'm not sure.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't remember, I was only six
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I is important to grieve, but remember to lean on Jesus, He is the
only one that can get you through,
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Their is no such thing. Once people die they can not return. But
we can be decieved by demons who make us think that they are our
loved ones.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Never experianced anything like that.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There were no issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask her how heaven is
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
This is not possible
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Not sure
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I will die one day, but I rest in the assurance in Jesus
that I will be with Him when I die.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was one who dedicated her life to the Lord Jesus. She loved Him
with such a passionate love that she could not hold it inside. So
she served. In fact she served till her death. On her death bed she
was still serving and talking about Jesus. Jesus was her friend,
her father but most importantly her God and Savior.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Praying and reading my Bible
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still pray and read my Bible
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No not really
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I am A christian, and so was she, so I know I will see her again.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I don't know I was 6
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a thought provoker
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
None
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Sun Mar 9 21:52:09 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Sat Mar 8 19:53:14 2003
F18 in Dallas, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
it's for my developmental psychology project
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, two Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age and kidney failure; Aged: 15 years.
--Details:
I knew my cat was getting old, but i had her basically most of
my life and i couldn't accept that it was just her time to go.
She started getting really sick and had a stroke on new years day
and after that she wasn't the same...she wouldn't eat or drink and
had trouble walking. It got so bad that we decided it would be
best to put her to sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the loss of life on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought it was sad, but was not old enough to be aware of what
would happen afterwards.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
thinking about how this was the last time i would get to see my
cat and how i would miss her. It made me feel very lonely.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to me mournful, but also celebrate the fact that this person got
to have a good life on earth.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I got to live so many years with my cat and I have so many
good memories about her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Looking back on old pictures of my cat and recalling the memories
we had. It also helped to talk to my mom about all of the funny
things my cat had done in the past.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my cat suffer in the last few days. Even though we were
putting her out of her pain by putting her to sleep, it was so hard
to let her go.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Offer them comfort and love. Make sure they don't feel alone and
help them recall all of the good memories from their life.
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to move on and keep living my life. Although I sometimes
get sad about it, I have realized that I can't mourn forever and
that I should be happy that I had the times that I had with her.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that she had to be taken away from me. I couldnt'
understand why someone you love had to be taken away from you.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was laughing because my mom said that she wouldn't miss the fact
that my cat always made a mess in her water bowl. I felt bad about
it, but I just couldn't help laughing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Pay more attention to my cat. Sometimes she would want me to pet
her or hold her and I would be too busy.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend so many years with my cat and develop the relationship that
we had.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was saying my goodbye to my cat and she seemed to know what I
was saying.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
What happened to my cat after they put her to sleep; most people
are so concerned about burials and stuff, but she was gone so it
didn't even matter.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see pictures of my cat and I together.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If my cat was still alive, my life would probably be the same,
but i wouldn't feel so lonely.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone you love so much can be taken away from you.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
explain to people how sad I am about my cat's death. People say
"she's only a cat," but i had her my whole life and she was more
of a best friend then just a cat.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was not going to be able to wake up with my cat sleeping next to
me anymore. She was not going to be there to play with and I felt
incredibly lonely.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They weren't able to do anything for my cat because she was so old.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, I don't belong to a church.
--Religious Affiliation:
I've never been a religious person...I believe that people go to
a better place when they die, but I don't have an organized religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I think it is true, all people go to a better place.
--Regarding MONEY:
It didn't matter
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We didn't have a funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Through the death of my cat, i got much closer to the other cat
that lives in my house that I didn't like before.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
She was very tired, and she started to sound different. She also
didn't seem to recognize me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It helped to cry and let everything out.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have experienced times when I think I see my cat still sitting
on my bed or I can still hear her meowing. This makes me sad,
but I know that it is just my imagination.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Nothing like this has ever happened to me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would let my cat know (even though she is just an animal) that
everything would be ok, and that I love her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Nothing like this has ever happened to me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want my family to get all of my money and my personal
belongings. I would want them to think about any other people
who were dear to me and decide what of my things to give them that
would be meaningful.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i knew i was to die very soon, I would try to let everyone who is
dear to me know how much I love them. It would scare me very much to
know this, and I would feel incredibly alone. I would want people to
go on living their lives though and not mourn about my death forever.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want it to say that: She was a caring, loving person.
She worked very hard to keep people happy and loved all of her
family and friends.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I made a photo album and a wall full of just pictures of my cat
and I. Every time I look at this, I feel sad, but it also makes
my cat's memory stay with me.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk to my other cat just like I used to talk to my cat.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I've become closer to my other cat.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I didn't really realize how much of an impact it would have on
my life
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my mom and we talked about it often. I wish that
my dad would have talked about it more.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has helped me to rethink about the times that I still get
depressed about my cat's death. When I get like that I often feel
silly because she was just a cat. I know now that it was a traumatic
experience and that those times that I get depressed are ok, but I
have to also remember all of the good times. It has also made me
realize that I am very scared of death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you should ask: Why are you scared or not scared about dying?
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Thu Mar 6 09:13:25 2003
M74 in setauket, ny =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
used microsoft internet explorer search "death"
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Prof/Studies: retired professor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
end of all capacity for physiological function
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
My grandfather
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
funeral and home ceremonies
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The importance of ritual support
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends and relatives
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
relatives
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
silence helps
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
When I was around five years old I promised tobacco and whiskey to
a grandfather. I never gave him any.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dream of dead friends and relatives but always in a cheerful kind
of dream
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I will miss them
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I feel that some of the doctors that treated my mother and father
were sur[risingly avaricous and incompetent. It would have been
much worse without the advice of my physician son.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a strong island of sane comfort and warmth.
--Religious Affiliation:
Jewish
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I am skeptical of questions involving undefined terms like Spirit. Is
a Spirit a Ghost?
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
friendliness
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Visitation from the "other side" is specifically discouraged in
Judaism. I vividly remeber the officiating Rabbi at the funeral of
my grandfather speaking to my grandfather's body and saying "You
are now dead. Rest. This world is no longer any concern of yours."
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I respect dying wishes but not the point of seriously making life
difficult for the living
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am writing on the evolutionary biology of death
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
father, husband, teacher, writer, scientist and Jew.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Private rituals are strongly discouraged by the Shiva process
in which guests fill the house for seven dayhs after death. Also
mourners' prayers can only be recited if nine others are present.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Charity to a variety of institutions is generally given and a few
institutions carry the names of the dead.
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Tue Mar 4 12:00:18 2003
F43 in Rigby, Idaho =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying, Crossing Over, After Death Communication,
(another book by Sandra Brown, can't remeber the title)
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler Ross, John Edwards
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 62.
--Details:
Mother was diagnosed with Cancer in October of 2001 and she died
of complications from a stomach ulcer in January of 2002.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a final passage into the dark unknown, from this perpective.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling lost and cold, also feeling that the reality of life and
death had somehow put a dark cloud upon every other aspect of
my life.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
better vocabulary terms for dealing with death, hardly anyone speaks
about it, and when we do, we are at a loss for words.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the idea that we had better enjoy life while we can rather than
procrastinate fun things and important life decisions.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband. For being a dorky guy, he always knew exactly what to
say and when to say it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The finality of the loss. I still have things that I would like to
talk to my mother about, but it is not possible.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them that you love them over and over even if you don't think
that they hear you.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
really loved her and was hurt by some of her actions during her
death and the dying process.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she kept changing her will.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is built up stress, and some things about death are so absurd
that they are funny.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let the children stay longer and deal with the death in their
own time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
work with my siblings well enough to put together the funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Mother waited until we got her little dog to the hospital before
she passed away.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
where to bury her ashes.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my brother,s wedding was in the full force stage of planning and
mother was not there to help.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have felt a significant amount of stress leave my life since my
mother died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why is mother dying at 62 when Grandma H. is pushing 90, meaner
than hell, keeps asking why she hasn't died yet, and is such a pain?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see what the big picture is. What is really on the other side? Where
is Mother now?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't believe that she is really gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they were as helpless as any of us.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
the nurses who helped us were very kind and understanding.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little.
--Religious Affiliation:
mormon
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the religon is a secondary element, no matter what religion
you are, the reality of the situation doesn't change for anyone.
--Regarding MONEY:
Mother liked to play games, and she played her final card by screwing
up the will as best as she could.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were two factions. Mother's sister, and the freinds and family
of us kids.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the fact that Mother's ashes are sitting on top of my fireplace
and they don't really bother me anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not a clue, the whole thing happened so fast, I was surprised at
the mental deterioration.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Continuous pain and crying punctuated with moments of extreme anger
and resentment as well as depression.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I am not aware of any thing like that except that moments before
mother died, he little dog sat straight up and looked at the wall
behind and above us. He seemed to see someone or something, but he
didn't do his usual barking like Cerberus routine.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My cousin said that he saw his deceased mother and that she was young
and beautiful and so was the place that she was living. He had to
come back, didn't want to, but now he is not afraid of dying. He
is also a hard core alcoholic.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't think that any issues can be resolved between Mother and
I. I can only do th things that she asked of me, mainly to take care
of her little dog. Also I can be there to talk to the grandchildren
about my mother and make certain that they know that she loved them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I hope that Mother is in a place where she can be happy now. Also I
hope that she knows that I cannot and will not carry her pain from
life with me. I am going to go on from here with as much love and
happiness as I can find.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I saw my mother in a dream a couple of weeks after she died. She
was standing by her carin the drive way at my house. She didn't have
her little dog in the car, but I didn't think any thing about that
at the time. I was telling her that I was going to be up there to
her house to take care of her really soon. She didn't say anything
back, but I knew that she and I both didn't think that that was
really going to happen. Then she gave me a hug. I felt so peacefull,
and comfotable while she was hugging me. I can't even describe it.
A couple of weeks later I was visiting one of my brothers. He
recounted the exact same dream, except Mother was standing by
her car in the parking lot of his apartment complex. He still
doesn't believe that I had the same dream as him, I think that
he thinks that I am just making it up. I am glad that he told
me about his dream first, ot I would be thinking the same thing
about him. I guess that Mom liked me the best.
Also, the car
that she was driving at the time of her death and in both of our
dreams is called an Avalon. The word Avalon mean heaven. I think
that must be significant somehow.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Who shold be allowed to be present at the death. No strangers in
the room, no one who is concerned only about their own issues,
but only people who are capable of comforting others.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think that I would net tell anyone until it became obvious. I
would want my life to continue on as normaly as possible. Life is
easy and sweet for me and I would want to continue in that manner
as long as possible.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was a good teacher would loved all of her students. She valued
her family above all and she enjoyed life while the getting was good.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
time is the only thing that has helped. THe more time that psses,
the better I feel.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
None that I can think of, except that I will never let another
human that I know suffer the death of someone that they love without
acknowledging their pain in some way.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have a stronger love and respect for my husband because of the way
that he handled everything that happened during my mother's death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I did not help very much when Mother died. I live far away from
most of my family and it was difficult to see them. I wish that I
could have spent more time with everyone.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, this was very usefull to me personally. Some of these questions
brough up issues that I have not thought about, and yet it was
comforting to have to put them into words. Also I am wondering what
you will do with this information.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Has the death of you freind or family member caused a rift in any
of your relationships and how can they be remedied?
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Mon Mar 3 21:16:23 2003
F22 in apple valley, Ca =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: n/a
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none`
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
losing someone you know and never seeing them again
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain of losing the person and knowing ill never see them again
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with it and prevent it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how great the person was when they were alive
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i would never see the person again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dont pressure them to talk about it. let them bring on the
conversation, and let them express exactly how they feel. dont
interrupt
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
everything happens for a reason and that life does go on. its only
a bit harder to deal with it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the person was murdered and we will never know why
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
you should laugh. just because you are laughing doesnt mean you
are happy the person has died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much i loved her and how much she meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
realize that life goes on and that she would want me to move on
and not cry about it forever
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
knowing as soon as it happened she was immediately with me to help
me cope although she wasnt really there
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
they way i have coped with it, and that i have turned out normal
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i really need someone to talk to
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be great.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was taken when i was so young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her about my problems
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and didnt know what to do.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did what they could
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
n/a
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
n/a
--Regarding MONEY:
it didnt
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we all were there for eachother
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
thinking she was breathing in the casket
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
having my friends helped
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
we were fine
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
hope much i love them
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
the best feeling i have ever had knowing she is all around me
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
make a will
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
know. i understand how they feel. i help them through it as best
i can
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
n/a
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
my birthday
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i am afraid to get close to people for the fear and feeling of
losing them
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes i have
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i wanted to be with my family
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
n/a
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
n/a
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Mon Mar 3 18:05:58 2003
F19 in Grand Prairie, Texas =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: shutting down of her body because her Alzheimers effected her eating;
Aged: 89.
--Details:
My great-grandmother who I loved dearly passed away in January of
this year. She has had Alzheimers for a couple of years now. She
got to where she would not eat, so all her body organs shut down.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you no longer live with the humans on Earth, and you go up to
Heaven with God to be with your other loved ones.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a teenager. It was that of my great-grandfather, who I loved
dearly. He lived in Colorado,so I could not go to the funeral
because of flying expenses, so being at a young age I don't think
it hit me as hard as I think it could have.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my great-grandfather. He had been in the hospital a couple
of weeks when he died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing her in the casket and telling myself that it looked nothing
like her.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my great-grandmother would no longer have to suffer,and my
great-aunt could no longer be mean to her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and boyfriend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Actually seeing the person in the casket.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
persuade my great-grandmother to move to Texas with my family
where we could take care of her properly and see her on a regular
basis,which did not occur where she was in Colorado.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through a poem I read at my great-grandmothers funeral that I
found and dedicated to her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at pictures that bring back memories of the things we did
not even a year ago.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to go because my great-aunt did not properly take care
of her even though she had power of attorney over her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
did not believe it. It could not be this way.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that did not take care of my great-grandmother as they should
have. The last time my mother and I went to see her in Colorado
she had no top teeth and they were trying to feed her a burger for
dinner. If we had not been there she would have just went hungry!
--Regarding MONEY:
there were many things that still had to be paid for even though
many years ago my great-grandmother and great-grandfather supposidly
paid for everything.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
not only in grievence,but almost as a way to bring all the relative
and old friends back together that we had not seen in many years.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the giving up. Making comments that they would be better off in
another place.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There were no unresolved issues with my loved ones, I loved them
dearly and miss them a whole lot.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I never recieved visitations,but in the 2 of the 3 funerals, they
were family, I've kissed their forehead which is supposed to keep
bad dreams away about that person or their death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
The one thing I've always said is I don't want to know when I'm going
to die. If I'm going to die, I want it to happen while I'm asleep.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
For a long time I felt inside that he was still alive, but I finally
realized he was gone.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was there as a strong shoulder to cry on for my mom,aunt,
and grandmother.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I believe it was a great questionnaire. No,not all the questions
applied,or there were some I was not sure how to answer.
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Mon Mar 3 14:02:35 2003
F21 in Adelanto, CA =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
is a feeling of abadonment or a loss of somebody that you care
about. It is also a time when somebody in your life time is up and
they have to go away from this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
never thought that I would see somebody die that I loved and cared
about so much happen to me and how much it affected the people
around me as well according to feelings.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how I could not go on, that my life felt like it was over and that
I could not live without that person and his love for me.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that my dad is dead and he went to a better place,heaven and where
he has no more stress or worries anymore and he is with God/Jesus
Christ always.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I had my mom there with me and great friends there to help
support me through his death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that my dad wasn't there anymore to talk to or to love me
as he always did all my life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Is if you are right with God and you trust in him, he will help
you always get through it.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was always close to my father and that you should never have hard
feelings with any of your loved ones because you will never know
when you will lose them because later it will tear you up inside.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my dad died. I didn't understand why he had to be the one to die
because he was such a good person who had such a good personal
relationship with GOD. I never thought he would be the one to get
sick and die.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helped me get through the times when I was severly depressed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my dad how much I loved and how much I appreciated him for
helping me, taking care of me and loving me for all those years
before.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through my dad's death because for about 2 years I was all
messed up on alcohol and I just let my life go down hill because
I was so depressed for my lost.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
how long my dad seemed to survive with his cancer before he died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how I would survive without him
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see pictures of my dad or when I start to think how much I miss
my dad sometimes.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think my life and my mother's life would be a lot easier because
my dad would be there for us.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
"It's just not fair that my dad had to die while other people still
have their fathers.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring my dad back to life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
why, why my dad. Why did he have to die. It sounds selfish but why
couldn't be another family member of mine.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
is that they could do all they could do for him with his cancer.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I feel the same way as the last question,they helped him as much as
they could and I think now that it was my dad's time to be with God.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Trusting in God and God with get you through the death process.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a born again christian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that God will always be with us during this time.
--Regarding MONEY:
my mom struggles much now that my dad isn't alive because My dad was
always there to help her in this situation and in some situations
the same thing goes for me.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the speech me and my brother gave about my dad, how much love was
in it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how I got through it, I don't know how I got through my dad's
death alive.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Distance and being secretive about things.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I learned that my dad is in a better place even though sometimes
I wish he was still here with me and my family.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I feel that my dad was told by God that he was going to be in a
better place with him in Heaven.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Iwanted to be able to take care of myself one day to the point where
i don't really need help and I think my fiance and my mom could me
do that. I also think I could help myself do that too.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to tell my dad how much I love him and how i appreciate
all the things he had done for me. I think I would feel a whole
lot better if I could of told him those things before he died.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My dad has back to me in dreams many times, some would be good and
some would be bad. The good dreams would be that he would come back
from his death to live with me and mom again and contuine to live
with us like he did before as if he never died. In the bad dreams,
I would dream of how sick he was right before he died and it was so
terrifying because the dreams would be almost the same as reality,
as if it was still happening.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be scare to die but then i would try to get my life right
back with God so I could go to that other place, heaven and be with
my loved ones.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I don't think I am ready to write my obituary yet.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I would pray sometimes to God to help me through it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I continue to go my life to be happy for one example. I am going
to school right now to better myself and to be a nurse one day. My
dad always wanted me to do something better with my life and I am
going to do that.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel that my fiance is one of the people that came into my life
that has helped out a lot to cope with my dad's death because when
I first got involved with him i was still hurting a lot from my
dad's death.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Mon Mar 3 01:36:52 2003
F42 in Barren Springs, Virginia =USA=
Name: Barbara
Email: <bjarrett-at-swva.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
found a link here: http://www.funerals.org/links.htm
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Prof/Studies: homemaker, computer geek
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 31.
--Details:
This was the first death I experienced up close and personal. It
was devastating to me.
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--Death Is:
the end of our physical bodies, but many believe that our souls,
that is who we are inside when we think and feel, goes on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was scared because I didn't know what was going on and no-one
was talking to me. I was only 5.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was the death of my only living grandmother. I was 5 at the
time. She was 85. I remember my mom and dad being very hush hush
if that makes sense. They didn't talk about it then or after.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The pain I felt, for all of us, including him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to bring it back into the open. To remember that it's as natural
a part of life as is being born.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I can't agree with the above statement in it's entirety. My
husbands death taught me all that I know about living and what's
truly important in life. The person I am today came about through
the death of my husband.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Not sure if you meant this ? in a general sense or in relating to my
husbands or another death I may have experienced. Everyone pretty
much disapeared after the memorial service. I kept a journal for
a long time and talked to my husband til I was sick of talking. I
also had one friend who saw me through all of it....and was there
for me anytime I needed to talk. Other than that it was simply
living one day at a time and doing what I felt I needed to do to
find comfort and peace.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The pain. The hard feelings his family had for me. I've made peace
with all but his dad. I've not talked to him since before my husband
died nearly 11 years ago. Time went so slowly. I knew that the more
time and distance I got between me and his death the less it would
hurt but lord time was slow....
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't be afraid to touch that person unless it causes them physical
pain. Hard to put into words as I was in this very position when
my ex-boyfriends mother was dying. I took care of her with help
from other family members for the last two weeks of her life.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned what is really important in life. Don't sweat the small
things.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
There was no single thing...being a suicide there were alot of
confusing questions that will never be answered. And maybe that's
the hardest, not ever knowing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed alot actually. It was my defense against the pain and
sorrow. If I ever stop laughing I know I'm a goner.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
There was nothing, due to some advice my dad gave me. I
was so confused, so stunned. He was getting aggravated at my
non-responsiveness. I told him I didn't know what to do I'd never
been in this situation before. He told me it was alright and he
understood but that he couldn't tell me what to do, what was best
for me or my children. He told me that I needed to do what *I*
needed to do,, no matter how weird it might seem to others, so that
when I looked back on this I would have no regrets about what I had
done or not done. No I wished I hads or I should haves. He said it
didn't matter what anyone else thought. Only me. That way I could
look back and have peace of mind.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To see his body. I couldn't believe he was dead and I knew if I
didn't see his body that was going to haunt me for the rest of
my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My dad presented me with my husbands flag...right there in the
funeral parlor after I'd gone to collect his personal effects. It
was just my father and me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the manner of his death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Going back in time to that horrible time of disbelief and incredible
pain.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It wouldn't. Even if he was still alive, we wouldn't be together
now. Not sure...there are so many ways it would have changed my
life and the lives of my children.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
What's not fair? I never once recalled thinking that. Life is
just...well life. There is no fair to it.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Back then I wished I could stop feeling for awhile. I needed a break
from the pain. I gave up tv, radio and I love music. I couldn't
even read as I had loved to do. Everything reminded me and made
the pain worse.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
devastated, the whole world became unreal for me. All the things in
my house, I looked around at the pictures on the wall, at his chair,
and none of it looked the same. I was in the drugstore getting
a perscription filled a few hours after I found out. My friend
was with me. The one thing that stood out incredibly, horribly,
was that couldn't anyone else see that the world had stopped??
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I think my husband fell through the cracks as far as his mental
health went. He was in a psych hospital 6 months or so before
he died.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I was involved with hospice during the death of my ex-es mother. Over
all they were very supportive and helpful.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the catholic priest I spoke with in preparing a memorial service told
me in regards to suicide that the church no longer judged a person
who died in suicide and they now believed that god would judge them
on what was in their heart at the exact moment of their death.
--Religious Affiliation:
I'm more spirtual than religious. I was raised catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we all come from the same place, regardless of where we lived or
died, whatever our station in life, religion, color....none of that
matters. We all go back to the same place we came from and we are
all equal. Death is the great equaliser. We are all loved the same by
the spirit that created us no matter what we called him/her in life.
--Regarding MONEY:
I was left holding the bag for some of his depts even though legally
I couldn't be. Took forever to get it all straight. I was responsible
for paying for his creamation etc with no help from his family yet
they tried to get me to sign power of attorney over to them at the
beginning. If I had done that they would have cut my children and
me compeltely out of the "funeral" process altogether.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was no funeral....only a memorial service, wake type thing. His
family didn't attend the one I set up...the offical one. They held
one at their home instead. On the same night. How weird it all felt/.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the anger I felt all through it. And ya know...there is one thing
I do regret...now that I think about it clearly and without emotion
as well as knowing alot more about the funeral industry etc and my
rights as a consumer.... I wished I hadn't let them all talk me
out of having a wake with the body present before cremation. The
funeral director told me there was no way to embalm the body because
of the head wound and how long the body sat before it was found and
that it was just unnessary expense. But I wished I had done it for
my children. It might have made it a bit easier for them to accept
to see his body. And I saw the photos of his wounds...they weren't
so extensive that he couldn't have been made presentable for viewing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
restlesness. a certain breathing pattern. an unstable b/p
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
disbelief and shock, wearing off to incredible pain. you work your
way through it to finally accepting it. I think that part came
fairly early and quickly for me. Within weeks of his death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My almost mother-in-law had dreams about her long dead father.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No, I wished it had. Then I might not be trying to deal with this
really weird phobia I have about dying. It flies in the face of all
I know and believe. Caused severe anxiety and I'm currently taking
celexa for it. That has enabled me to get back on track. Hard to
explain. I knew during that time that something was terribly wrong
with me to be so afraid. It just wasn't me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There is no way to resovle them other then to let them go. Someday
we will be able to talk about it but then at that time it probably
won't matter anymore anyway. :-)
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
See my after death visit from him, above.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes, I had a visitation. He came back three weeks to the day, after
he died. I was sitting in the living room. The kids were finally
in bed. It had been a rough day. The shock had finally worn off
completely. I sat and I cried...I hurt so badly. I don't know how
to describe how terribly I was hurting. Suddenly, it was like this
presence came up out of the basement (where our bedroom was And
where his ashes were sitting waiting to be spread ad he'd requested)
and just seemed to fill up the room starting at one end and wrapping
around the walls and through the entire room. I was so surprised I
stopped crying and just watched it. It was almost as if I could see
it progressing towards me. I asked, "is that really you?". Suddenly I
felt "it" come into me and push the anger out which had been sitting
there like a ton of rock on my heart. He told me, "yes, it's really
me. I'm really here." I started crying again but it was different
this time. He told me and I could hear his voice only it was in
my head and not outloud. "I love you, I always have, and I always
will and you will be ok." Notice it was love not loved. There were
a few other things he told me...but the gist of it was he stayed
with me all that night and some time into the next morning before
just softly fading away. The last thing he told me was..."call mom,
(his mom) and tell her I'm alright now...I'm at peace." The next
morning when I woke up and got my wits about me the first thing I
did was call my mother in law. I told her that what I had to tell
her might sound weird but that it had really happened and that I had
not been drinking or taking any kind of drugs.... I told her all that
had transpired and when I got to the part " he told me to call you"
She began crying. It wasn't until she told me that he was always
doing that when he was alive, call mom and tell her this or that,
that I understood what he had done. He wanted to make sure she
believed me. That was *his* way of telling her it was real. That
was the turning point in my healing process.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The dying persons wishes must be the most important aspect,
period. I've been in the uncomfortable position of being in the
middle of the family members and the dying person. I stood by the
dying person wishes no matter what ill feelings it caused towards
me. I wish the same for myself, that there will be someone strong
enough to stand in my stead when or if I cannot. Get a living will.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes, alot of thought. And I'm pretty much at peace with it. I've
often asked myself the same thing...about knowing if I was to die
soon. I don't know...I just don't know.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She loved life, animals, nature and her family. Not necessarily in
that order. She once talked about dumping her husbands ashes in the
kitty litter box as revenge for dumping one more in a long line of
diasters into her lap. Humpor was her mainstay in life and we will
remember her, at times irreverant, sense of the ridiculous. She will
be remembered as a kind and gentle listener but a fighter against
the wrongs done to others. She was truly an old soul. She goes to
give her late husband a long overdue tongue lashing.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I drove out to the spot where he died and I was driving the car he
was in when he shot himself. I don't know what I expected to find
there or feel but it was very peaceful there. A good place to be. I
brought the kids out there as well. But much later.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I talk to god all the time. Out loud at times. And I still talk
to him on occasion.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Sadly, no.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
I didn't remember my grandmother and can only remember going to
visit her one time. I'm sure there were other visits but I only
remember that one.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reach out to other survivors of suicide. I want them to know that
what their feeling, the anger etc is perfectly normal and perfectly
healthy. It has to be dealt with but in a positive manner.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Very helpful. It forced me to revisit a time I think I had partially
blocked off and it's given me a large measure of peace that I wasn't
even aware I needed.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
All in all I think it was very concise.
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Mon Mar 3 00:15:18 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
found a link here: http://www.funerals.org/links.htm
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
--That first time, how it happened was
It was the death of my only living grandmother. I was 5 at the
time. She was 85. I remember my mom and dad being very hush hush
if that makes sense. They didn't talk about it then or after.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
I didn
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Sun Mar 2 23:59:51 2003
M47 in =Unknown Locale=
Name: W.G.Murphy
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
Uh, I just KNEW about it, let's say.
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Prof/Studies: Death Studies Researcher, Author
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of CoWorker, 2 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: anneurism; Aged: .
--Details:
She just fell over one day, and was dead in no time. Very young,
too... 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The point at which we as human beings cease to be human beings on the
Physicals, and transfer our energy into another form. A part of that
energy is in other people's memories; a part is in our historical
significance on the Planet; a part of it is just dissipated energies
faded from the Physicals and our attneuating presence here.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was rather unaware of any of the realites of it. I was too young
to really comprehend the true nature of things, but I knew that my
teacher wouldn't be coming back to school, wouldn't be coming back
to life, wouldn't be yelling at or smiling at or talking to any of
us ever again. I didnt' have an image of his family, so I didn't
think that far ahead. But I knew that his time here was gone.
--That first time, how it happened was
THis last death was the death of a coworker... SHe just died from
no warning, a heart attack, essentially.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The utter shock of it, and even I, who is supposed to know about
these things... even I was quite surprised at the amount I was
affected by it all.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
We need to realize that We're All Due for the Trip... we all have
ONe Way Tickets; we all have reservations on that ride; we all
will answer for our histories; we all do well to consider the
Big Picture.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Every time another person dies, my Gallery of Observers on the Other
SIde gets larger, and they all talk and chat and keep an eye on me.
I feel their presence and their guidance, their help. I talk to
them and ask them to help each other out, especially the newest
ones who've just died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own belief system. I just have a Big Picture where many things
are possible.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Dunno. Wasn't exactly "easy" but I wouldn't say it was so hard.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be attentive to their needs, and try to remember what they said, did,
wanted to impart, so it can be shared with others later. Do them
justice in preserving and respecting the truth of the situation.
Record it accurately for others.
--[My Ex-'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am a better person for having known her. Not that she was
the best thing for my life, nor I for hers... but certainly that
relationship was one never-empty set of moments! She made me smile
(and frown) a lot, and really pushed my emotional buttons, on both
ends of the spectrum. That's not half bad!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
her family was so weird about actually admitting she was dying.
They seemed to really resent that I could be accepting of her
cancer and her on-the-way-out. Did I love her any less just
because I loved her enough to allow her to die? Definitely not.
She needed peace and openness to be herself, not fake support for
the denial view that she was merely "sick."
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Oh, laughing was no big deal. She was a silly & well-humored lass.
Who WOULDN"T we laugh & carry on!? Some of the strict and stoic
family folks seemed a little stiff, and probably thought we were
irreverent. But I know she knew what was up, and loved us all to
laugh at every opportunity. She had such a beautiful smile...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her when she was in town visiting, and when she
phoned me and wanted to talk. I thought she was drunk and that's why
she was slurring her words; I knew that she was adamantly opposed
to alcohol, and yet that's what it sounded like to me. In reality,
in retrospect, she was so far gone with that huge tumor in her brain
pressing on her speech center that she could hardly make sentences.
I kind of wish I had known that earlier so I could have been "nicer"
to her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Let her know I loved her, spend quality time with her at the end,
presever her handwriting. It's wonderful to be able to visit
her with her handwriting and those few pictures I still have.
Her family has probably lots of pictures of us, but I don't have
many left since she had more than I did.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
THe way she took such command of her life and had nicknames for
everyone, and even up to the end was quite cogent and full of
commentary on things.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Social graces.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm not very emotional about it all... I SMILE and I think pleasant
thoguhts about her, but I don't think I truly CRY about much.
What's to cry about? We had nothing still "out" I think... except,
perhaps, her little drug-addicted alcoholic daughter who is going
such a horible direction in life. I'd like to be able to be there
for her, but I have no idea what is truth and what is lies with
her, she's so messed up. She drove her mom nuts, but I know she
wouldn't be so messed up had her mom truly "been there" for her.
That whole thing is a travesty. An unfortunate part of life.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Lord, I don't think I'd be shifting realities much and trying to keep
Beth here with me. I mean, maybe as a friend still on the planet,
but we have no business as lovers and long-term relationship folks...
We tried that, and it was a miserable misbalanced mess. We were
not cut out for one another, and it's best we both discovered that
and got on with our lives. But I JUST LOVED the way she always was
so free about introducing me to her friends. I do wish I had more
friends with THAT quality. It was one in a million and quality,
fun, interesting, growth-oriented.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Not fair? Oh, I can't complain.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
No No... Let's not get melodramatic here. No such. Yet.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
said, "Well, now she's at Peace." All is well and now she's
available to me 24/7. Blessed Be!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did their best, I spoze. I didn't have a lot of contact with
them, and they SEEMED to at least find her tumor. THey seemed
far more attentive to her problems than any of the medical folks
were to mine... Maybe I wasn't as sick, or maybe I was just lucky?
I don't know. Maybe the medical folks actually hastened her death?
I can't know.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
HOspice seemed pretty much okay, though not exactly well-trained
folks, at least some of them. Seemed a little up-tight newbies,
a couple of them. And others seemed kind of cold and distant.
THe CONCEPT of hospice is good, and I've seen hospice do a good job
in many places, but in this particular case, I don't know... they
didn't seem 100%.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
She was not very religious. IN fact, she actually REBELLED against
religion in general. Her sister as a fundamentalist, and I dont'
remember the slang nickname Beth used to refer to her sister with,
but it was pejorative and not flattering.
--Religious Affiliation:
Mine: New Thought churches... Hers? Haven't a clue. Some
christian conservative one.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Yup. SOunds true.
--Regarding MONEY:
I wasn't involved in her money matters.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The celebration was okay.... Not "great" but not bad. I was glad
that her daughter was sent a copy of the guest book, though, so
that she would have ways of getting in touch with us. She indeed
did phone and appreciated our remembering her mom.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
When I tried to help out at the bedside with what used to be my
skinny little girlfriend I could easily carry... yet after chemo,
her body bloated so much that there was no way I could possibly
carry her. So when she said she wanted to be lifted onto her
potty, I tried, and was shocked to see how incredibly immovable
she was, in part because she had gained 80 pounds or so and was
almost twice her 110 # size, and in part because her entire left
side was paralyzed and just dead weight. She coudln't begin to
"help move herself." Brain tumors & chemo are ugly.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Gradual deterioration to the end.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I didn't see anthing like this with her, though wtih other folks
before, yes.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Oh, yes. I had two NDEs... They probably are in great part what
helped me to deal well with death in general.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Nothing outstanding.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Hey, Sweetie: 42. Thanks for all the fish.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Oh, yes. I've seen BEth a few times. It's been nice to chat
with her. She's here with me now as I write this, I can feel.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Just do the best you can do, eh?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Of course we're all mortal. So why should it surprise me to think
about my death? I'll get there in time. Soon enough time will
come.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Author & Death Studies Researcher dies.
Wm G Murphy, author and
death studies researcher was awarded a new all-expenses unlimited
term grant to study Death first hand yesterday. It is expected
that the body of his work will be augmented now by his passage to
this new stage of research, although it is uncertain yet as to if
he will actually be able to get his galleys back to the editors in
time for inclusion in his next book.
NO doubt he is proud of his latest work and the body of knowlege
he had already accomplished, but the world may have to wait a
while for this new work to find its way to print... etc ;-)
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I like to talk to people and write to others about it. It helps
to talk about it all.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
writing, writing, writing. Examining life. As Socrates in 399BC
said, "The Unexamined LIfe is not worth living." I do like to
think on these things.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Not really in the loss... Well, one of the hospice workers
actually became entwined in my life abit more than I had expected.
Just seeming "happenstance" but of course, there are no accidents.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Sure. This has been a useful questionnaire to bring out some things
I hadn't even THOUGHT of yet. Thanks Bardo Elves.
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Sun Mar 2 01:35:23 2003
F36 in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, Years ago.
Aged: 62
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like a bad dream
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--That first time, how it happened was
my father,
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not being able to hold them
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its hurt
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
spending quailty time
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to hold them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know that is okay.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nothing
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
it rain
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
flowers. give me my flowers while i am living..
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go home to visit.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i don't know
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why all the good ones
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
why
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sad
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
none
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot of support
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i don't know
--Regarding MONEY:
none
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all the friends
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
talking about death
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
talk about it.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
none
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i could say goodbye.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
dreams
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
that i was everyone friend.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
that i will see them again
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
no
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Sat Mar 1 15:56:56 2003
F20 in ca = ?? =
Email: <chavez18-at-msn.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 Weeks ago.
Aged: 79
--Details:
She was sick but doing ok. We din't think she would died this
soon. We just went out for lunch the day before. The next day she
had a stroke I can't accept how fast it was i couldn't talk to her
like we did before.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when are soul is relesae to heaven to a safer place to take care
of other loved ones. To see freinds and family who died before them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cry, cry, cry and cry. Then I went into shock like this is not
happening it's a dream. It can't be my grandma can't died I still
need her. When I saw her at the graveside I knew it happen. Now
i;m trying to deal with it one day at a time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How are family is trying to pull together to help each other through
the hardest time in our lives.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
The aftermath when everyone is gone were do you go from there.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandma won't be in no pain. She could get up and dance with no
pain now.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends and family without them I would have gave up.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Aceepting that it did happen and she is not here no more to go to
lunch or talk on the phone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
It's okay, to died.We love you but it's your time.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
That death can happen and will happen so live days to the fullest
make sure you tell your love ones that you love them. Because they
might not be here the next day
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
How can someone be so full of life one day and closed to death the
next day.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When I though about me and my grandma scoping out guys/ "cute guys"
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
The morning my grandma had her stroke I was going to go in here
room and tell her bye because i was going to school. But i didn't
because i didn't want to wake her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Learn the rosay for her and pary it before she passed a way
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
When my couisn who hasn't hugged me as long as I could remember,
gave me a hug. It was so good i can't explain it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm not over it. think talking even going by her room is hard.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would live life with her and make thing better foe her
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I need my grandma i can't make it with out her. What I'm going to do.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Jump off a cliff, or fly away and never return.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
This can't be happening it can't
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They tryed there best, if they would have catch it sooner maybe
she would still be with us.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they are wonderful they helped us so much and still are here for us.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I never go to church, but my grandma belive in the power of god and
every sunday a woman came and prayed with my grandma. When she had
here stoke i prayed with her over my grandma
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The spirits are always with us
--Regarding MONEY:
It didn't money wasn't issues. My gandma saved money for this moment
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
good
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
people trying to someone they are not
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Happiness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it;s hard every day but you can't stop life
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
before she passed away she was trying to tell me it ok
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just to tell here I love you
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If they want to dye let them
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I wouldn't want to know.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
I'm still trying to cope with the lost
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
sometimes I still think she is here
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
helping my aunit dealing with the same death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Your questionnaire hit the spot. My grandma died almost two weeks
ago, but it feels like months. Since her funeral I haven't cried
once not even to comfront others. As i filled this out it let me
release my feels and try to deal with my grandmas death. i have a
long road a head of me. But i took the first step doing this study.
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See Feb 03 contributions.
See Jan 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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