^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Aug 02 contributions.
See Jul 02 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Sep 29 03:53:33 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
im what you`d call a link phreak.i prefersites that fit my interests
and aren`t mainstream.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 19 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 26.
--Details:
mental problems
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the next place of activity for us
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was heart-broken by my loss.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the people left either pimped [exploited] the whole pity part.or
were vultures ,wanting their stuff.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
mail and phone calls
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
get the mail and phone, log all calls with info and put cards away
for when they wil /can deal with them, they only comfort later.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
anger,rage
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
uncaring or unable to do anything
--Regarding MONEY:
fucked,the ones who loaned ma and pa the money were the worse ones
in the whole family
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
Still hurts but knew why, not getting what it was all about.
Their only seeing things from their perceptions instead of from his.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep 28 15:39:03 2002
M25 in orange county, ca =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none that have helped
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the abscence of actual existence and contact with others on
earth. the human body ceases to function and decomposes to what it
had originally came from.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was awestruck and perhaps confused and sad. i did not know how to
deal with the loss and unexplainable emotions i was experiencing.
i felt sad for my mom and my grandma. i began to wonder about dying
and i am aware now that i am quite afraid to die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
an empty feeling because the person who had died was no longer
with us
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i do not have any contributions to this
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the memories i have and the dreams i have of my deceased grandpa.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time to ponder death and dying
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
tha abscense of that person and the reality that it will happen to
me and my loved ones
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i am so happy to have you as a friend, lover, family, etc...
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
n/a for me
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was my sad confused feelings tied together with trying to maintain
myself w/the loss
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
n/a i was too young
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i realize i will never see this person again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was really confused
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
mild respect
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
there is hope that an alternative ending exists
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that we are all the same regardless of race/culture and we will
all be together on day with our maker
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was bleak and depressing but purposeful because of closure and
people talking about the loss
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i touched my dead grandpa's face in the casket
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
mental breakdown in attitude
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i do not know what to think
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i dreamed that my fiancee,Heather, and i were at a table with my
deceased grandpa. Heather and my grandpa were talking and laughing
and we were all enjoying ourselves.
when i awoke, i felt that
my grandpa really loved and supported my decision and that he was
wishing he could be there for our wedding day and life thereafter.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
acceptance that life does come to an end
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
once dead, we will never be able to react to the earth
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was some what useful but the survey seems to be more applicable
to those who lost a spouse or parent
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep 28 10:16:10 2002
F21 in Van, Texas =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Just looking around the site and this one looked interesting
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Sales
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
This Too Will Pass; The Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: falling 50 feet from an overpass; Aged: 15.
--Details:
My brother was with a friend late one night. They were walking
to another friends house around one in the morning when supposedly
they were chased by some man with a gun. They started to run away
and ran to an overpass. My brother's friend then said my brother
had found a shortcut to where they were going and accidentaly fell
from the bridge. The story is very odd since my brother's friend
has already told three different stories to me. And the police
have not investigated it enough and just ruled it out an accident.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your body breaks down and can no longer be used anymore by
the soul. Like when the light bulb goes out or when batteries
loose their power.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked at first. It was scary looking at my grandfather
dead on a hospital bed, but the machine still on breathing in him.
Then seeing him in a casket made me fearful of death, knowing now it
would happen to me one day. As a child that is a very scary tought.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
was when my brother died. I was eighteen years old with an
eighteen month old daughter at the time. My parents were divorced
and lived in different cities, and did and still don't get along.
I had to be the one to tell my dad his son was dead. As soon as
those words left my lips, my dad nose started bleeding. And the
night after my brother died, I was sleeping on the floor in my mom's
room,(there were alot of people staying there that night because
of my brother's death), when in the middle of the night she woke
the whole house up screaming and screaming. Thinking about that
send chills up my spine.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
numbing the pain with drugs and alcohol does not help. A lot of
people in our society does just that. Something happens that remind
us of a death in the family that we expierenced and we pop a pill,
or have a drink to relax, maybe to even forget.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my brother came into the livingroom before leaving to go to his
friends house and I was sleeping on the couch. I woke up and saw
him standing in the middle of the room. I asked him where he was
going and he said him and his friend were going to a homeboys house.
I told him to be careful. Then, I told him goodnight and that I
loved him. He told me he loved me too. Those were our last words
to each other. I am very thankful that God me a chance to tell
him good-bye before I knew he was even leaving.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I got into writing poems. Whenever I felt like I was going down
in the dumps, I would get out my pen and paper, and just pour my
feelings out. Afterwards, I felt much better and could go to sleep
at night.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that I was never going to see my brother again and there
was nothing I could do , no matter how hard I tried, to change
that. That feeling of helplessness was sometimes hard to bear.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was a child when my grandfather died and I don't know if he knew
I was there since he was on life support. But, my brother died all
alone on a railroad track in the rain. That bothers me when I think
about it. I hate to think if he was scared or if he was in pain,
because he did not die instantly. At the same time I'm glad I did
not see him in that state. I don't have to remember him that way.
I don't know if I would be much help to a dying person.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
always let the last words you tell your loved ones is I love you.
You never know if that meeting is going to be the last one.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
not knowing the events that took part just before my brother's death.
It leaves alot of questions unanswered.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was okay. You are not going to be sad forever. Right before
the funeral, me and my family were all talking about stuff my
brother did. And my brother was a goofball. Some of the things
he said and did were funny. At the time we did not laugh when he
did them, but when you think in your head how he looked doing it
you can't help but laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I had a really good relationship with my brother and I feel that
everything was right between us when he passed. Other than just
have him around longer so he could see his niece grow up and see
his new niece, I am happy with the way things were between us.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell him I loved him before he died. I was the last one in the
family to speak to him. I thank God every day that I had that
opportunity to have that conversation with him. His last words to
me were that he loved me too.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go to my brother's grave or the site where he died. Being at
either one of those places reminds me that my brother is dead.
I don't go to either of those places very often.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Who knows how life would be. My brother would be eighteen, the age
I was when he died. He would probably have a kid of his own, or
could be living with mom and going to school. Or he always wanted
to live with me and my husband, he could've been living with us.
There are so many routes he could've chosen in life that there
are a hundred different lifestyles he could've had.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did my brother have to die so young? I also had the what
if thoughts. Since I was the last one in the family to see my
brother and I knew he was leaving and it was so late. I should
have stopped him from leaving because he had no business walking
the streets at fifteen at one in the morning.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
make it all go away, or just wave a magic wand that would make it
easier to handle. I pretty much handle it okay, but when those
hard times do hit me , I have no choice but to deal with it and
work through it , because I know it will pass.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just sat on my couch and realized I would never hear my brother's
voice again. I have to think hard sometimes just to remember what
it would sound like because I have not heard it in so long.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The Medical community did not do anything. By the time the ambulance
got there, my brother had a pulse but it faded fast. He never made
it to the hospital.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
when you die you are either going to heaven or hell. How you
acted when you were alive does not determine that, what does is
whether you were saved by God or not. He is the one that will
take you there. I like to think my brother is in heaven with Jesus.
I think he was saved two weeks before he died, so if he was, he is
with God right now.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was expensive of course, and it was a fight between my parents,
who do not get along anyway. They were supposed to half the cost of
the funeral arrangements, but my father has yet to pay anything.
He does not have much money whereas my mom has a little more.
She is not rich, but she is more stable than my dad. And she is mad
at my dad for not paying anything. My dad is mad that she did not
involve him in any of the decisions as in picking out the casket
and the headstone and all that stuff. Just a big mess.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the funeral directors allowed me to be alone with my brother for
about twenty minutes. They would not allow anyone else in there
untill I was done talking with my brother. I thought that was a
very nice gesture. They also fixed my brother's hair wrong and
let us fix it how he always wore it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it's all weird to me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
the only dream that I have had about my brother that have not been
a nightmare was, dreaming about when we were little kids with my
other brother playing. I would dream about things we really did
as kids and it seemed so real that when I woke up I was suprised
I was dreaming. I wanted to go right back to sleep and have that
dream again and pick it up where it had left off.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issuses
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Me, my brother, and my living brother were little kids were
playing in the yard,(my parents were together as well) , it was
the backyard. We were dirty and barefoot and having a good time.
This was something that we really did, I was reliving a memory
in my dreams, and it was so real. I could touch him, and really
hear his voice. I remember being so happy in my dream that we were
small again, and nothing could hurt us. It was so vivid, I swear
I could feel the wind on my face and smell the grass because it was
just cut. It wasn't hot outside, but cool and getting warm like it
was springtime or fall, with the genle breeze that felt so good.
I could feel the grass on my feet as we all ran through the yard.
I even heard my brother's laugh. He let me touch his face because
I was in such disbelief. Then he giggled and turned around and
began running again. Then I woke up. That dream made me cry.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The only thing that would be important to me is the money situation.
Whatever my family wants to do with my body when I am dead is fine,
I won't feel it. I want to have everything paid for and not worry
my family with the finacial part of it.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
After my brother died, my own mortality was a big issue. I am afraid
of dying , and knowing it will be here one day is a scary thought for
me. I hope that when I do die , it will be peaceful and not vicious.
I don't want to die slowly and painfully. I would rather be in a
state that I did't even know I was dying until I was dead.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing my poetry, reading the bible, and lots and lots of praying
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still write poems sometimes but not as often as I used to.
The one thing that I do that gets frustrating is I am a little
overprotective of my kids now. At nighttime, I check and make sure
they are breathing about five or six times a night. Three years
later, it is a little aggravating to not be able to go to sleep
until I have done so.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Not many friends
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I stayed with my grandma on weekends and played Nintendo with her
and kept her company, and that helped me as well as her.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
If I thought about it too much, I would get kind of depressed.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I remember some things I had forgotten like my dream. But my
feelings on dying and death are still the same. I like to say I am
coping pretty well. I know my brother is gone and he is not coming
back, and I am fine with that now. I have dealt with the fact that
he is dead.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 27 17:53:53 2002
M50 in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Years of Rice and Salt, Stranger In A Strange Land, Death Be
Not Proud
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Bone Cancer; Aged: 78.
--Details:
Dad's Dying was a long affair (slightly over two years from diagnosis
to the time he succumbed).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the shedding of this corporeal existence into one of pure thought
or spirit.Into a realm of communion among souls.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was taken by shock. The experience being totally new and my being
so young(less than five years old).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My first view of my aunt's body in her coffin.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
no single institution, whether religious, scholarly or
socio-political has a fix on what Death is about. For them to
claim to understand it better than the next group or person is
foolish in the extreme.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the courage I have seen grieving parents, spouses, siblings,
relatives and friends display in dealing with their own grief and
yet still reaching out to comfort those about them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own belief in Death as something not final but simply a moment
of transition.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing how much I will miss the friendship and counsel of the
deceased.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to not try to "ride herd" on your emotions.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
came to sincerely believe Dad had simply gone on to prepare a place
for our arrival on the other side of Death's veil.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
feelings I thought I had long since come to grips with came upon
me so strongly.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the laughter was natural, so it is not a cause for concern.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
enjoy their company more fully.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
eventually come to grips with the sense of loss I felt.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about them or speak with others about them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt empty.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
satisfaction with their efforts on the deceased's behalf.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very positive.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a sense of continuity.
--Religious Affiliation:
Unitarian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a thread that binds all living creatures throughout all time.
--Regarding MONEY:
it should not matter, but it did.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the calming influence it had on us all.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the breathing pattern of the dying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it has been different each time and people should accept that it
is diferent each time
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there were none.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have plans for this life. But the best laid plans of mice and
men...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I have come to embrace the idea of Death as a passage to a different
reality where all knowledge is extracted from our consciousness
and added to a totality of knowledge and experience from all
living beings
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
My Dad had been dead for a year and I attended a memorial service at
his church for families who had relatives die within that year. I
was surprised at how strong my feelings of sorrow were during and
after the service. I realized then that grief and grieving are not
to be ignored, but embraced to provide a better understanding of
Death and its natural place in the universe
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Very much so.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 27 13:27:00 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 35.
--Details:
she was very depressed
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of ones life cycle, they no longer exist
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt feel like it really happened
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when i was told about it
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its ok to die
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i forgave my mom before she died
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
helping my family helped me not hurt so much
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i dont have a mom, my son will never know he had a grandmother,
i never got to know her, or show her the person i have become,
my youngest brother never got a chance to know the good side of her
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
remind them of all the good they did and everyone who loves them
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
forgave her for the pain she put me through, and thats the greatest
thing i could have ever done
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i dont know why she couldnt ask for help, swallow her pride
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
its a good way to relieve any kind of emotion with out it being in
a negitave manner
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her i love her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
forgive her and talk to her. i've never met someone so much like
me...it's amazing
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my son was born, and he calls MY grandma "grandma" instead of
my mother.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see other people who have a close relationship with thier mother,
or even just the opposite, i feel like thier taking advantage of
a gift
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
she would be my best friend
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she deserved to have a better life and didnt do any worse than alot
of others, but seemed to be the one who was punished or "got caught"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
erase time and not believe the things my family told me and give
her that second chance alot sooner
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wished i had a better relationship with her, maybe she would have
felt like she could turn to me
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
shit. they could have helped her or given her assistance somehow,
but refused
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
its hard to say...some people say she is in hell for committing the
ultimate sin, others say she had a good heart and ment well in life
so she is in heaven. i will always believe she is in heaven
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
all her pain has been erased and she was set free
--Regarding MONEY:
she didnt have any and couldnt get assistance. i know it was because
of her own actions in the past, but i feel like some financial help
could have made a difference
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
some people must have felt bad for all the bad they said and did
to her
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
if i just pretend she is still just in another state and
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i didnt get to go to a funeral, she didnt have one, the state
did for her what they would do for a bum on the street...gave an
hour for viewing her body, and had her crememated. her ashes and
belongings were sent to me, it helps me in an odd way, because i
feel like she is always there
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
im still not over it and if i would have let myself grieve then,
it would be alot easier for me now
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
my grandma said she was in a comma and expceted to die. she said
she saw a tunnel of light and at the end of the tunnel were two
beautiful, singing angels.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
she knows i love her and is my angel on my shoulder...everyday!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
she came to me and others in my family in our dreams as an angel
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i'm not to that piont yet
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i will always forgive, and try to help as much as i can when someone
is in a time of need
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i forgave my cousin for a stupid argument
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
i didnt live with her
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 27 04:11:58 2002
F26 in Mumbai, Maharashtra =India=
Name: samindara
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Psychologist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bhagwad Gita
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
It is the holy scripture of Hindus, and a source of all possible
questions nd doubts aout life and death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 22 Years ago.
Cause of Death: road accident; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of you present life, and the beginning of another phase.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went into shock
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my father, and he died in a road accident when I was 3 1/2
years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how people later regret having said or done things to the now dead
person that they now cant take away, no matter what.
--What I think my (India) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Nothing. I think I'm very lucky to be born and raised a Hindu,
because it tells you about life beyond death, reincarnation, and
hte eternity of soul and this can provide a small bit of consolation.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brought me closer to God.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My faith in God, and the knowledge that the soul of my loved hadn't
died; just his body.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to see the person before he died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Understanding htat there are no words required.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learnt to count my blessings.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
your emotions just go haywire.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be there for him in more ways
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Cope with it ultimately
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I some trivial thing reminds me of him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have been a completely different person...........
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run away from it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just couldn't beleive it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
impotence
--Religious Affiliation:
Hindu
--Regarding MONEY:
Pepole started laying claims on his things days after his death
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the unnecessary rituals
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the person giving up hope of recovery.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Even though I am a Hindu and believe in reincarnation, death is
still very much scary.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
A very supportive and loving mother who coped with it bravely.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 26 16:17:24 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: 72.
--Details:
She had been sick a long time and had several small strokes. She
had gone into a nursing home to get some help because I wasn't able
to stay with her 24/7, and she had a massive stroke from which she
never regained consciousness.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
advancing to the next stage of existance. We leave this world and
body, and transform into a less corporeal form. In the process,
we advance in skills and knowledge.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was numb for a long time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being lonely to see and talk to her. I saw her every day and her
not being there seemed to leave a gap in my life.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's a natural process, not something to be fought off at all costs.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how my family banded together and helped each other cope with each
individual loss.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband, children, brother, sister and extended family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling so lonely to see her.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't be afraid to touch them just because they are dying. Hold
their hand, touch their face, give them some contact.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
wouldn't accept the fact that I might need some professional
help. Talking to a psychologist about finding ways to cope with
grief is a real help to a lot of people and I wouldn't do that.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we started trying to settle her estate.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a natural response to the situation. I wasn't laughing about
anything having to do with the death, I was laughing at other things
entirely, they just happened to be happening at the funeral home.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get all of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren
together at one time to see her again.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there with her when she made the transition. I was holding one
hand and my brother was holding the other and she knew that she
was not alone.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
one of my children does something that I know would make her proud,
and on May Day because I always made her a May basket.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't go there.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sleep.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't want her to go yet, I still had too many things I wanted to
share with her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
my own.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right, it is the common denominator amoung all peoples. No body
gets out alive.
--Regarding MONEY:
there was none. We're still trying to pay off the funeral expenses
and the estate probate.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I don't remember that much about the funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
losing self control in my grief.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
an advancing weakness and irritability.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's not nearly over, even after four years.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know that she had any, but I would like to think that
she did.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't think there were any unresolved issues with either of my
parents. We got along well, and were able to talk openly about
anything that arose between us. I just wish I had been able to tell
them both that I loved them one more time.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
After the death of my father (25 years ago), I saw him twice within
the first year. Once he was walking across the back yard. The other
was in a dream, right after my daughter was born (six months after
his death) he came to see her.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I hope to get my funeral planned and payed for because I want to
be cremated and I have some family members who don't like that idea.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid of death, I just want to stay around long enough to
see my children all grown, and grandchildren would be nice. If I
knew I were going to die, I would quit my job and spend more time
with my family. I'm looking forward to see what is on the other
side after we make the transition, but it can wait a while.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I became much closer to my grandmother (my mother's mother) after
my mother's death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I am always there for my children and can talk about death (mine,
their grandparents, or their own) openly and honestly with them. I
think that is a key, openness and honesty.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I really didn't get much out of it, I hope it helped you.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 25 17:28:56 2002
F16 in Nebraska =USA=
Name: Justine N.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When a person's body shuts down and they no longer possess life.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother had a miscarriage
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Feeling like an outsider. The death affected my parents' life more
than it affected mine and I felt worse for them than I did for myself
or the baby. I felt extremely guilty for not grieving as much as
my parents did and I was afraid to try to support them or have them
support me in that grief. I kind of detached myself from the family.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Some things about death are coincidence and out of our hands.
My mother did nothing to cause her child to die. The approximate
date of death was my birthday- I was very convinced for awhile that
God had caused the death on that day for a significant reason.
It was wrong for me to suffer that way. Neither my Mom or I had
any control over the situation and we probably could have handled
our grief better if we didn't feel so guilty.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
bawling my eyes out on my best friend's shoulder. He was very
supportive and listened to me ramble on about how confused and hurt
I was by the situation. He didn't try to give me advice or cheer
me up by telling jokes. The most wonderful thing he did for me was
not act alarmed at how hysterical I was acting. He just hugged me
and listened to me and let me vent.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I learned that my unborn sibling had died on my birthday.
I couldn't imagine myself ever being able to celebrate on the day
of his death and I was convinced that there was a deeper meaning
to that coincidence. It took me a long time to accept that it was
JUST a coincidence and when I did I felt a lot more secure.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be a big sister! My parents would be preoccupied and
stressed but in a good way. I'd be changing diapers and warming
up milk bottles. This little piece of life would change my life
forever and I would have been so blessed.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my parents' can't have another child. It was my stepdad's
first baby and my mom's first chance to raise a child with a
complete family. They didn't deserve to have this happen to them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't cry. I couldn't think or comprehend anything. Everything
that this ment for my life and my parents' lives was too overwhelming
for me to think about and my mind and heart just kind of shut down
for a few hours.
--Religious Affiliation:
I believe in the GOd who wrote the Bible. I don't consider myself
a part of any specific Christian religion because i believe that
religions were formed by peole and therfore are based on the human
interpretation of the Bible and God and not neccessarily God's true
spirit of grace.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm ready. Whenever it is time for me to go I'll go with acceptance.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing in my journal.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have definitely been brought closer to my best friend since his
wonderful support during my time of grief. He has seen me at my
worst and he loves me anyway.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
I had two very special friends to talk about it with
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
Being with my mother and father and seeing how they suffered the
loss was difficult
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 25 05:26:08 2002
F19 in Niagara Falls, NY =USA=
Name: Kim
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Nursing Major
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: approx 73.
--Details:
As a long term smoker, though it was gradual and we all knew
it'd happen, the actual fact when we were told was like hitting a
brick wall. She died a few weeks after we had been told by a doctor.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The final stage of life. That which is wrought, is taken away.
We must complete the actual "circle of life" (to form a cliche),
but even though it's a necessity, doesn't make it any easier to
go through.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for a few days straight. Even knowing that she/he is in a
better place now doesn't do anything for the fact that you feel a
loneliness... an uncomplete feeling deep down where you know she/he
should be alive and joking with you like old times. It doesn't
happen like that.
--That first time, how it happened was
In 9th grade, my grandmothers best friend (who I was very close with)
was diagnosed with lung cancer. She died at the end of that school
year, and I refused to attend the funeral or wake. It wasn't that
I was in denial, I just didn't want to see her in that state.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The melancholy air around everyone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's not a bad thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
She died a happy, peaceful, "I'm-ready-to-go" type of death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being alone. Being able to go to a secluded area and just being
able to think about it, and cry.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that she was gone... that I'd never be able to hear her
laugh, hear her stories, see how happy she was just to see me and
my family.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Even though you feel as they might not be listening to you, or think
you aren't there... they do. Just being there for this person is
gift enough before they go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
As her last breath escaped her, she wanted just another puff on a
cigarette... which they gave her. To me it was confusing as to why
she'd want it, and why they'd actually give it to her. Of course
I'm not that naive now, final wishes to a dying man/woman means
everything to them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was a certain way of coping. Before you hit the stage of crying
and fear of your own life, you feel to be at a stage where everything
is funny.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be there more for her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Final wishes are a big thing, grant them whenever you can.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
A funeral. I knew she was gone, I didn't want to have to see her
like that.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It wasn't her time to go. Why her, why not me?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Crawl into a hole and forget about everything.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Hoped she was in a better place.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Pretty good people.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I was grateful that there are people like them, it makes the process
of Death much more easier on the actual patient.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Almost nothing. Our family is not a big religious one, although we
believed she went to a better place and that was good enough for us.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
True. We are one people, no matter what you believe in.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
An eerie calmness.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Don't push the feelings away, if you do they'll come back harder
than ever later in life and you'll feel pity for yourself.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She seemed quite at peace at her final stage. She had accepted
her fate and was ready, though if from readiness or "visitations"
I am not aware.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
We were very open with each other, she knew more about me than
even my parents at that time. I don't feel as though I had any
unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If I could just say I'm sorry for not being there more for her,
I'd be happy. Even though I know she's say right back "You did
more than enough". I dont know how it'd help with my own feelings.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother has preminition dreams, one of them being sent by
her late husband. She watched him in their room, and all she knows
is that he told her not to worry.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Whatever a dying persons last wishes are, do your best to make sure
they're met.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew, I'd probably live life alittle more livelier. Wouldn't
hold so much back, wouldn't be as shy.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just found a secluded area in my backyard and not so much
meditated, but just sat quietly and listened.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
Many memories that I hold of her bring back the pain that I went
through the first time. Though sometimes it's best just to forget,
it does occasionally rear its' ugly head.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep 21 10:58:21 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
I GOND IT ON WWW.YAHOO.COM
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 75 Years ago.
Cause of Death: CANCER; Aged: 75.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Books & Films
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 20 17:34:22 2002
Anon Guest in oregon =us=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Friend ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: painter, legal asst.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
she hated going to doctors. had very severe cancer in her breasts
which had spread to her bones. her neck broke from the weakened
bone structure and died shortly afterwards. i was with her in the
hospital. very surreal experience.
my step - dad died 5 years ago
from esophogeal cancer - i was with him for the last two weeks in the
hospital. when his doctor showed him the photograph of the cancer,
he knew that he was going to die soon, and seemed to let go from
this world. he always knew when i entered or left the room. and
again i was there when he died.
my 22 year old cousin died from
asphixiation after od'ing on GHB - 5 years ago. i wasn't told about
the funeral and wake until afterwards. i still resent being left
out - the rest of the family thought that i would tell my mom (who
is mentally ill) and this would make her condition worse after the
other recent deaths. so both of us were left out, and i don't feel
like i said good bye to him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an unknown process that each of us experiences differently, at
different times in our life, for different reasons. It is the
transition of our living, breathing, thinking being to an unknown
reality - if any - but the body is no longer "conciously alive",
and decays into matter that is alive for other dependant creatures.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young girl - and knew that that person was never coming back.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how busy i was afterwards, and i didn't really get to sit and talk
with people the way i wanted to.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
knowing that death is better than suffering.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
my family not wanting to commemorate the dead persons life. they
just wanted to get it all behind them, and didn't include me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes - wish i could spend more time on it. i wish that it was easier
to talk to people about my experiences with death - most people my
age (31) don't quite know what it's like. i think people in other
countries would understand better, say africa or israel, etc.
Anon Guest in oregon =us=
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Sep 20 06:49:05 2002
F20 in Long Island, NY =USA=
Name: Jen
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Business Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
you can post this information.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: SUDDEN massive heart attack; Aged: 41.
--Details:
the relationship i had w/ my father had only become very stable
within the last 4 years of his life and then he literally dropped
dead - there was no warning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
physically when your body stops functioning properly and your
spirit is no longer inside it... but among other spirits. i really
dont know.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried and got mad at my mother for not letting me go
to the funeral because she didnt want me to see my aunt after her
sickness had killed her. i still wish i had gone tho.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being stuck in my mind for months and months... the months following
my fathers death are all very blurry. i cant remember anything
specific happening aside from me finding private time to cry and
putting on my best happy-hyper act at school and around my family.
i counted every anniversary i could possibly remember... months from
when he died, the lsat time i saw him, the last time we spoke... all
that type of stuff. i tortured myself with it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to not make it such a private issue. people feel the need to
immediately pretend nothing is wrong. i remeber thinkig just a month
after my father died that i should be fine and not still upset adn
that i was being childish. points like that need to be made clearer.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i dont know... maybe i havent seen the good to it yet... its only
been 4 years
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends... they were great. they sent cards and talked to me
and kept me occupied. they took off school to come to the wakes
and funeral. my family was obviously offering to be there too, but
i didnt want them to see how upset i was... it would upset them more.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
coming to terms with it. it was so completely out of nowhere i just
couldnt comprehend it...sometimes i think i still dont believe it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
letting them know how loved they are and that you dont want them
to suffer any more so its ok for them to give up. even if its
not a long term illness - if they are in pain and close to dying,
they should know youll forgive them for dying.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
one of hte first major deaths i dealt with was my great aunt.
i didnt hold any emotions in. i told my mom how mad i was that i
wasnt allowed to visit her in the hospital and then not go to the
funeral and i cried and cried for days and really let my emotions go.
it really helped. i wish i would ve remembered that years later
when my father died because its been almost 4 years and im still no
where close to be over it as i was with my aunt just months later...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye. tell him one more time that i love him. because of
our disfunctional family style, he was always very insecure about
how much we really cared about him adn i wish i couldve told him
that again...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i watch a movie or show with a situation that i can in any way relate
to my own... it still upsets me and part of me thinks it always will
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was taken from me so soon after he was given back to me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just start over from when he first died and deal with it properly
and just cry and cry...maybe i would be past the point im at now.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
dropped to the floor hysterical crying and was only able to
get up when i remembered that my grandmother (my fathers mom)
was waiting for me to bring her something from the basement (my
fathers apartment) and i didnt want her to know i just lost it,
so i regained my composure.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my fathers brother was devastated... they didnt get along very
well ever. and my grandfather and aunt maintained their composure
best - i never saw either one of them cry knowing they were hurt
more than i. but then again, they didnt see me cry either...
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i went to a medium just after the 3 year anniv of my fathers death
adn it helped me alot. i felt that i was reconnecting with him for
the first time and was reassured that he really is still with me...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i hung alot of pics and the rosaries from the funeral in a designated
spot on my wall.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
my father taught me to write down every memory i could think of to
remember any time i spent with them and then cry when i wanted to.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 19 13:08:11 2002
F Guest in il =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain injury in train accident; Aged: 18.
--Details:
he was train hopping with his friends. he was killed jumping off
the train
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like a catapillar becoming a butterfly. the person sheds their skin
and their spirit becomes the new them. this new form is freer and
more beautiful then their previous self.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was 11 years old. my cousin was killed in a car accident.
he was older than i, and i really did not know him
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is the emptiness of the house after my brother was gone
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
is hiding it in hospitals and nursing homes. everyone thinks that
grieving ends when the funeral is over
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
is that all the simplier things in life to on a huge importance
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
was writing a journal
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no one can really understand the hurt and how it will never go away
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just listening to them and providing no false hopes
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
you realize you will never hear, see, touch, or talk to that
person again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to stay at the hospital until his body died
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i got engaged and i can't share that happiness with my brother
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
my brother will not see me get married, not be an uncle, ect
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbelief
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
poor organization. we tried to donate organs but found out later
that we could not because the hospital forgot to get key signatures
from my parent
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 18 20:02:27 2002
F23 in Ventura, ca =USA=
Name: Dorothy
Email: <virgil30=at=juno.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Psychology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Motherless Daughters
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 58.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
change in form, in which we leave this type of existence and move
on to a better one in heaven with God.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
freaked out. Then I blocked the experience out of my mind, unable
through pride and sadness to deal with the issue.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
holding her hand in those last moments and screaming. It was very
surreal to me and still is.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is ok to talk about it. You should not be embarrassed by emotion.
Crying should be encouraged as well as talking about the person.
It is very cathartic.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the peace that my mom, dad and family gained knowing that life and
love are the most important things, all the rest is just small stuff.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing thus far.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting the thought that she might actually be gone enter my head.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them feel your love and acceptance, thank them for the gift of
being themselves.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have realized that all that matters at the end of your life is how
much you have loved.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her a hundred times I love her. Ask her endless questions
about life and her advice for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her and tell her I loved her before she died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
anything that she loved or said, did or wore. So many things remind
me of her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be wonderful to have her back even for a moment.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I am too young, I still need her.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
call her and ask her about what ever is on my mind.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbelief
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
postive regard.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
that they do a great service for families like ours, helping us in
our most difficult time.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that my mom was going to be with God. I was very relieved that
she was out of pain.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe that our loved ones are all around us, looking out for us.
--Regarding MONEY:
not at all.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people had been touched by her life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching her deteriorate.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
When I am really sad I try to talk to her, but it still hard to
believe that she is gone.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I just want to tell her I love her, I know she did her best and I
think she is amazing.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Sometimes I feel like she is around. She has come to me in only
one dream that I can remember.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The rights and wishes are vital, my mom made a point of planning
everything out including give money to the doctors office staff
because they had been so kind for so many years.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
The only thing that occurs to me is that I need to be a really good
person right NOW I don't know how long I have I just want to live
it to the fullest.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I am still looking
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel a bond with a school friend of mine whose father passed away
less that an year after mine.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
I avoid even thinking about the idea that she is gone.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried and try to be there for friends who are going through
loss. I know that a good listener can be the most help.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is very hard for me but I need to let myself grieve or I will
never feel better.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 18 18:24:27 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
loosing the life force of someone
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to understand the full implications
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
regret. Regret at not thinking before hand what this death would
mean. The denial when my grandfather was sick, that stopped me
saying the things I wanted to say to him.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
absolute. There is no heaven, no reincarnation. You cannot fix things
'later'.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the focus it gives you on a person's worth.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the process and ritual of grieving
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the pain
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
helping them create closure in their life, so they can die
peacefully.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to keep his love in my heart, but not the pain of his
passing.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I tried to deal with the individual nature of grief all my family
was experiencing, which kept us apart from each other.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
a moment of clinging to life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
acknowledge he was dying, and help him have closure.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
enjoy the sunshine at his funeral
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people die out of turn.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went numb
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing more than a comforting ritual
--Religious Affiliation:
non-religous but my extended family is catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it is hard to listen to a stranger talk about your loved one. Harder
still to try and say anything yourself.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Feeling that my grandfather lives in my heart now, in a way he
didn't in life.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the patient's anxious need to clear things up, get things of the
chest, say everything that needs to be said.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial at a time of dying created regret after death.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Sometimes I wonder if he would approve of my lifestyle. I discuss
this with my grandmother, who thinks of him and prays for him
everyday, and her answers are comforting, because she loved him
for a lifetime, and so speaks on his behalf.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother's best-friend died of cancer at age 40. She came to me
in a dream the next night and she was wearing the clothes she was
buried in (i did not know what she was to be buried in until the
funeral). She let me know she was going away and she would not be
returning for a long time (the dream was at the airport), but she
looked young and free and, while melancholic, quite peaceful.
It
was a very comforting dream.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talk to my grandfather when I am alone at the ocean. He was a
fisherman and loved the ocean, and I feel a conection to him when
i am there.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I became closer to my grandmother after my grandfather's
death. Partly because she is so sad and lonely and longs to join
him (which I can't stand to hear) and partly because she is my link
to him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals
also time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 18 17:01:22 2002
M18 in pittsburgh, pa =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 76.
--Details:
she died at home... the family brought her from the hospital because
she wanted to be home .... she was on hospus care... when she died
i was on the front porch untying my left spike because i had a
baseball game as soon as i slipped it off my mom came out and told
me my gram just died ... like right at that moment and i'll never
forgive myself for not being able to say goodbye to her... she was
like my second mom
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
ceasing to exist in a body but the soul is still alive
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 12 when my gram died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying.... i took it so hard but i dont remember crying once
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that most people fear death but there is no reason to
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother is out of pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
alchohol... i got drunk to try to forget about it because i wouldnt
talk to anyone about what had happend
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with losing someone you love
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there and let them know that you are there for them
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
will never take anything or anyone for granted again
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she died... she was just there but she wasnt... like i have no idea
what happened to her after she died
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never laughed... i couldnt
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with my grandmother for the 12 years i could because she was an
unbelievable person
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
just some of my friends who never even met her came to her wake to
pay their respects...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
nothin because everything that happend during that tjime was needed
not only for me but also for my family
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see a picture of her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
alot because she would be here and i wouldnt have had to deal with
a loss like that yet in my life
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did it happen to her
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget about it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
believed it because we were there for the whole week she was dying.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratefulness.... they did everything they could to make the way
she went as easy as possible
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they took care of my grandmother and thats all i could have asked for
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothin to me... for a few years i blamed GOD for what happened
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i honestly cant remember
--Regarding MONEY:
how to pay for the funeral
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people my grandmother knew and how many people cared
about her
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not crying
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i have no idea
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
just do what u have to do to get over it
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she kept seeing elvis presley the whole week she was at home
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 18 10:36:05 2002
F18 in Buffalo, New York =U>S=
Name: Nicole
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Alzthimers; Aged: 73.
--Details:
She didnt get the rght medical treatment when the first signs
develpoed some people dont even know if this is what she really had.
some think she had a nervous breakdown and just never recovered
because of the lack of medical care or some say she had deminsia.
i think the nervous breakdown would probably be the closest to what
happened but then again i was only 13 so im not sure.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a time when we leave our bodies behind but our soul goes on
living. It is a time of peace and a time to spend eternity with god.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
the first time i experinced death was when i was 4 when my first
grandmother died but that really didnt affect me much.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I remember people crying alot and it was the first time i saw my
dad cry so it was a little strange for me.
--What I think my (U>S) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death isnt always a bad thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My dads side of the family is huge b/c my grandmother had 15 brothers
adn sisters so there were people that i had never met before that
i got a chance to finally meet.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mother abd my sister
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that she is gone and i would never see her again was so hard.
still do this day i cry sometimes b/c i miss her so much. she was
such a big part of my life b/c she baby sat me everyday when i
was little.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I would dream about her and it was so real like she was in my room
with me some of them i dont even know if they were dreams .. i dont
know if she was actually there or not.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
when my grandmother was really sick like the week before she
died i had a really serious surgery to remove a cancerous tumor.
so i couldnt spend as much time with her as i would have liked.
i wish i could go back and change that.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Say goodbye before she actually died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
how my extended family who wasnt really close came together to
support each other and how they all helped out my grandfather after
my grandmother died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
we didnt have a funeral mass for her. i guess they just didnt see
it was important i would of liked to have one just for closure on
the whole deal.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When i watch home videos and hear her voice b/c she was the only
person who said my name a certain way. or i look at others who
still have thier grandmothers around and miss mine so much.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
its just not fair that other girls in my class can go out with thier
grandmas and i cant. i know it seems so petty but thats one hting
that bothered me adn still does to this day.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring her back to life
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It didnt fully hit me until after the whole deal was over with but
then i cried and cried for hours.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they sucked b/c she would of never been so sick if they had her on
the right medicine to begin with. but hospice was really great
when she was home. her only wish was to die at home and not in
the hospital so when she lost the ability to eat or drink or speak
my grandpa decided it was time. he decided not to put the feeding
tube in her cuz that would be the only thing keeping her alive and
we all knew she would want that kind of life.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The nurses that came to the house were so nice and so supportive
of all us. even my little cousins i dont think it would of been
as easy without them there.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Well since i am christian i believe that she is in heaven with god
and having a wonderlife after life. she is no longer suffering and
is always watching over me and never leaves my side. this gives
me great comfort. if i didnt believe in anything like that then
i think my life would feel so empty. i really encourage people
to get into some kind of religon to help them deal with death.
not just christianity but any other type of religon.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
I didnt really know about the whole money deal because i was only 13
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing all the people at the funeral home. alot of them were just
joking around and laughing b/c they hadnt seen each other in so long.
it was kind of like is this a funeral or a family picnic.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know the day my grandmother had a bad sezuir my grandfather was
holding her hand and said its ok u can let go now. go and see
the angels and at that second she took herlast breath. when i
think about that now it amazing b/c it was like she was waiting
for permission to let go of life.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I dont feel like i have any unresolved issues. i am very happy
b/c i got to know her alot better then my other cousins b/c we
lived around the corner and she baby sat me everyday. I loved
being around her and i know she had a great life so i know she is
at peace and therefor so am i.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was sleeping and i woke up in the middle of the night to someone
calling my name. It was my grandmother she was the only person
to say my name the way she did. And i opened my eyes and she
was standing there. I dont knwo if it was a dream but i swear it
was real.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
well i have tried to take my own life 3 times. i think when the
time comes for me to die it will be very peaceful b/c those were
the experices i had when i tried to take my own life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i wish i would of had someone to talk to more. like my mother
to talk to cuz she avoided the whole thing kind of.. i also wsh
i had my friends but cuz it was during easter break i didnt have
them either.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 17 19:17:19 2002
F39 in Westlake Village, California =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
instructor
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
The fact that he had what I consider a peaceful death. Died in
his sleep.
seeing his wife's pain and feeling of abandonment
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 17 06:20:14 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a brain tumour; Aged: 51.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
numbness, no physical pain is felt by the person dying although
it leaves a large, empty hole in the hearts of their friends and
relatives which never really heals, it just doesnt dog their lifes
every minite of every day. grief and anger turn to missing the person
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went numb, couldnt cope. I began to hate people. I believed that
if i allowed someone to become close to me, i would lose them and
get hurt. I went on like this for nearly two years, making enemy
after enemy until one day i realised that my dad wouldnt want me
to be like that
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the atmosphere nearly every where i went. people didnt no what
to say...neither did i. i remember having moments were i thought
i'd gone deaf because the silence in the house and school was
almost... painful.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not a loss, it's a passport to freedom. maybe the person they
love dearly has left them but they are at peace. it's like walking
out of one room into another and leaving your coat behind.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the last thing my dad saw was me and my mum by his side. he knew
that we were with him. he knew we loved him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mum. She was my rock and i clinged to her like my life depended
on it (maybe it did.) she was (and still is) the most supportive and
influencial person in my life and i love her more than life itself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the longing for the person to be back with you.you want it all to
be a dream. Missing is the longest and hardest part.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
love. You are upset but dont let them know that. Your time for
crying is later, they need your support, they're scared.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
life is so precious and short. you need to live every moment. dont
be afraid of the unknown, nothing can hurt you. go for it, you cant
be scared.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the only confusing part of death is the question:- "why them? what
had they done?they didnt need to die" i just learnt to accept fate.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
different people have different ways of coping. If you dont
laugh...you'll cry.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
no regrets. lifes too short.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
WE were able to bring the family together. support.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the way his eyes opened quickly then shut slowly as he passed away.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
important moments in my life. passing my exams, learning to
drive....when i get married (who's going to walk me down the aisle?)
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that other people have both parents and a stable home and i dont
anymore
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him, know he is ok and at peace.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cryed and cryed and cryed until my eyes were burning and i had no
tears left, no energy,no nothing. empty and numb.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
very brave men and women. i couldnt do the job they do.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
beautiful, beautiful people. warm hearted, selfless. angels in
human form
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i dont believe.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
how would i know?????
--Regarding MONEY:
we were left very financially unstable.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i was in my own world. i bearly remember the funneral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
??????????
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
unanswerable....sorry,
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
again, unanswerable. everyone's different.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
my mum was fantastic...she was a rock.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Sep 16 09:15:02 2002
F22 in london , england =uk=
Name: kirsten cooke
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
i have manic depression
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the machine that is the human body breaks down and expires
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was curious
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how perversely curious i was
--What I think my (uk) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't always such a terrible thing - it can be a release.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i shall die
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself and my complete detachment. i was very pragmatic and unafraid
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i didn't suceed
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to make them happy
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am not afraid
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my family we're devastated
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a nervous reaction to stress - the need to do something
inapropiate
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
ask them to wait for me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know them
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i don't cry about it
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
so what? you can't change or stop death
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
life's not fair
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop thinking about it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
understanding
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
irritating
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Sep 15 11:17:10 2002
F19 in Wheeling, West Virginia =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Years ago.
Cause of Death: altzheimers; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A graduation day. Moving on to something higher and better, but at
the same time leaving those people you love behind.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was two and half and it was my (first)grandfathers funeral.
It's
ironically the first memory I have in my life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that my mom, my aunt and my grandmother couldn't function for
several months. He was their rock and did everything for them.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
thatit's painful, but the longer you think about how it should have
been, the longer it will be painful. Except life as it is and feel
comfort that one day you'll see your loved one again.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it made me start to write poetry. I wrote one for his funeral
and I have continued to for five years. It's now seventy some poems.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
writing and praying.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not so much the death, but the road to death. Altzheimers disease
makes you forget. I think I would have rather seen him die than
have him talk to me as if he had no clue as to who I was.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to freeze a second in your mind. Then every time you looked back at
your loved one you could see the difference between how their dying
self was and who they really were. It would help you see that they
were ready to go.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am not sorry. It was his time to go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that death was permanent, and that it changed my life
so drastically that I could hardly even recognize it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
understand him better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
How many days he should have been shown.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how easily he could have fix one of problems.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't be able to deal with things. I would push everything on
to him and say fix it. I would be more loved but I never would have
found who I truly am and what I stand for if he had been standing
in front of me all the way.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
The only thing I think was unfair was the fact that we were so
alike. I never got to have an adult conversation with him, and
because most of the things he found interesting I found also,
it would have been a fun discussion.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
o.k.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of knowledge in this particular field. But their not God,
they perform miracles.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
hospice helped my grandmother alot, but my mother and grandmother
basically did it all.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I knew he would be in heaven if I needed him.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding MONEY:
he didn't really have that much money. But I do remember that he
promised to give me and my sister all his wood carvings when he
died and my aunt objected and took some. I would have given some
to her if she had asked.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that most people didn't cry, including me. Like I said he looked so
much more at peace in a casket than laying in a bed with a diaper
and being fed by his wife.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Crying. I can only do it now if I think of him when I already upset.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
The good thing about having your loved one be sick before they
die is that you know their going. I got to say everything I wanted
to. I got to tell him how much I loved him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandpa killed two Germans face to face in world war two and he
was deathly afraid that God would never let him go to heaven. In one
dream I had he specifically said that he was there. Another dream I
had I picked up the phone and all he said was that he would always
be here to watch over me. But the next day at school we got those
forms in home room that says in case of emergency you should call,
and it said his name. He'd been dead for three years and sick for
almost six. No one would have wanted to contact him in case of
emergency. It was weird. And then finally I had one where half his
face was covered in blood and half was not harmed at all. I don't
know what that meant, he didn't talk to me in that dream.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I just wish that all my things could be given away so my mother
wouldn't keep my room as museum for her dead child. Which I know
she would do if I died before her, because she'd miss me so much.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm scared to death of it. I don't think about it that often,but
I think subconsciously I might because I have terrible dreams. I
never have good ones, I only have the kind where someone is dying
or being murdered or being chased or being pushed from the top
floor of a thirteen story house.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Poetry.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Writing poetry helped me
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My cousin and I went to a youth retreat a couple years ago to prepare
a presentation for a youth gather in St.Louis. It was so emotional
that after our first session we went back to our rooms and proceeded
to tell each other about the death of a loved one. I'd never thought
that she had had any pain in her life, she was so perfect. I mean
she really was the nicest person I knew. But her telling me about
how she felt helped us both to heal.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Sep 15 01:01:11 2002
F22 in Decatur, GA =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: complications from blood clots/brain surgery/pneumonia; Aged: 52.
--Details:
My father had a history of strokes, though he had only told us
about one of them. My parents are divorced, so I only talked to
him intermittently. He went into the hospital after blacking out
and they found blood clots about to pass into his lungs. They gave
him drugs to thin his blood, but it caused excessive bleeding in
his brain. They performed surgery to drain the blood, and say
that during surgery he suffered another stroke. He never regained
consciousness, but held on for about 2 more weeks. He eventually
contracted pneumonia from hospital infection and was not strong
enough to fight it off.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person's body can no longer support its functions and
completely and permanently shuts down.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to react.
--That first time, how it happened was
The first major death in my life that I recall significantly was
that of my grandfather.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how it brought out the best in some people and the worst in others.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my father was conscious for one day before he had the major problems
that eventually lead to his death, so I was able to see him as he
was one last time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my brother and mother.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling like I had to be strong for others.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go on a vacation with my father.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my dad won't be able to walk me down the aisle when I get
married one day.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
our priest and church members came to the hospital to pray with
us and support us. But it also raised the question of who my
father would have been comfortable with seeing him that way (he
was unconscious, had staples in his head from brain surgery, and
had a tracheostomy).
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream the night before my father passed away that his
sisters and I were all in his hospital room as we had been for
the past 2 weeks. His sisters were doing something to him -
perhaps putting lotion on him or wiping sweat from his face (he
was unconscious and unresponsive). All of a sudden, he opened
his eyes, sat up and looked around. He told his sisters, "Y'all
leave me alone! I'm fine!" Then he got out of bed, leaned down,
and kissed me on the cheek like he did everytime he saw me and
said his usual greeting using his nickname for me, "Hey, Lady."
Then he turned around and walked out of the hospital room door.
The next morning we received word that he had passed away.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Before my father's illness and death, neither me nor my mother was
close to my brother's wife and step children. Since then, we have
been getting along great and spend more time with them. My father
had been extremely close to my brother's family before his passing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Perhaps you should ask if any family dynamics had changed since
the death or if a family rift developed afterward.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Sep 14 04:50:58 2002
M15 in London, I dont want to diclose this information =England=
Name: Max
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
i searched for questionnaires
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: I study in yr 11 at school
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
Plz change your backround! [ Ed note: done :-) ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Breast Cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
She was ill for a long time, as long as i can remember, i got used
to it, but when she died it was all so sudden.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When somone you know can no longer stay becuase of the frial human
condition.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was shocked.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mother on her bed at home, unconcious and waiting to die. Silent.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
No one can be quite prepared for death...no matter what you fo it
wont go away.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That we moved to england from Hong Kong and made a fresh new start
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A councillor and our family in england
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The feeling of my life changing and never quite getting back on
track. It affected me a great deal still to this day.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I love you.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I have learned alot about life and different cultures. My experience
at 15 is far greater than any other peron i know. Its as if i have
had two lifetimes. Here in England and before in Hong Kong.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I stuggled to cope afterwards, things fell apart and i didnt know
what was happening.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
none
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell her how much i REALLY loved her and how much she has affected
the family, without her we are nothing.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Move to england
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
How silent everyone one was, but it almost seemed like they carried
on, missing something.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how emotionless i felt for the next coming years.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think i have got over the initail death but there are still
feelings brought up when i think about it. The death caused me to
change. The death seems like a distant memory in a past lifetime.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about that sometimes. I think what would it be like to have
my mother here in england. But things have changed so much that i
cant imagine her here at all. She belongs in Hong Kong.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I recall having the thought that my life had somehow been picked
on. All my friends were getting on with their life while i was
stuck in the mudd dealing with this death
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget about it and move on
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i knew she was dying a few days before it happened. Those days
were the emptyess and strangest moments in my life. I woke up in
the middle of the night to find out she had passed away. Relatives
gathered around the bed, weeping and i went over and kissed on the
forehead. Thinking of it now makes me shiver with emotion
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community is one of tying to help but not quite doing
enough. They can help in the hospital but they cant help when im
at home
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I'm not sure what the questions asking but i tihnk it means what
are your feelings towards the recipient of the diesease? I got used
to cancer. I obtained knowledge and now i think of cancer as the
death word. Cancer seems the key to end all life
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing at all and it still means nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
None
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I feel that memories last forever but thats it
--Regarding MONEY:
We ran out of money and we had to move countires. We came to
england without a penny. We got stabalised and now my dad hasnt
got a job...its hard to have money as a single parent. We used to
be quite well off in HK and its quite the oppiste now.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How i cried when i came out.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How people treated me afterwards and how people acted. I also now
know that it changed me
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
My mum was always sick, the last few days i could really tell she
was ill. Unconcious and hooked up to a breathing machine, it was
an ugly sight and one ill never forget
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It would've helped if i had a frined i could talk to.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I did not experience this, but memories might be some form of that
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I loved my mother and i didnt have any issues with her. She
left perfectly. She knew how much i loved her without m actually
telling her
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
none
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
none
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If i die id like a small memorial built in hong kong in memory of
me so i never get forgotten
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not want to die. I cant imagine a non life. Id like to stay
alive and if not, i really hope there is something after death,
even though i dont belive in it, i still hope there is.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I didnt have any, our family bottled up our feelings and still do.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I used to help my mother cook and i enjoyed it, i still sometime
help now...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
Therapy helped a bit
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
not dealing with particular feelings, denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish someone would've helped me, someone who could take me out,
have fun and someone who's easy to talk to
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has been helpful, it conjured up some sidtant memories and
realised that im not alone in the world with this experience
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You should include the question, "After the death what dramtic
changes occured?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 12 12:47:58 2002
F28 in marianna, florida =usa=
Name: angela
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, Years ago.
Cause of Death: car ran him over; Aged: four months.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a end to start a begining. because even though we have lost
someone or something we have learned by emotions and feelings
what kind of person we are inside deep inside therfore there is
a begining, to understanding life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was in shock i never really believed it could happen
--That first time, how it happened was
when i was seven years old my puppy was ran over by a car.
i
begged go to bring him back to me, i cried for several
hours
straight and then on/off for several days. My father
buried
him in the place i wanted him buried so i could go visit him.
I was very disappointed when he never came back.
but i finally realized these things happen i went on and found
another puppy, but i still love frisky very much.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain i thought i felt in my heart, that made me cry so much,
unbelievable pain, that i never wanted to feel again
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not your fault you did nothing to make it happen sometimes
it just happens,, and it is a fact of life,,for the elderly,,
a fact that they must be emotionally ready for.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made be understand unconditional love
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nature
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact i would never see him again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
always show them love and respect
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can move on and still have as much love
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
love him more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
love him
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he never did anything to deserve it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i should have been more responsible not let him outside alone
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great respect
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
knowing i could love something else but that it would not replace
my love for the one i lost.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
that god did not bring him back,,i though he would
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 12 10:31:21 2002
F19 in chipley, florida =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: waitress, ultrasound tech.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, Years ago.
Cause of Death: four wheeler accident; Aged: 13.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you no longer are on this earth and you are not able to be
physically seen or touched be anyone.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt empty. It was hard to deal with some of the deaths that has
occured to me b/c of one of the deaths being that a close friend
(same age) died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wondering if he went to heaven or hell and thinking about if that
was me it happened to.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that the people can not be brought back from the dead and that they
cannot believe that everyone is going to the good place.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I believe in God and I know where i will be going when i die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about how we remembered the person that died by telling
stories,etc.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting the fact that you can no longer talk to them and see them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to assure them that there is a better place than what's on earth.
--[My Acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel about this person.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to them more about God
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be a part of this persons life
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i get to talking to someone about this person it gives me chills.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would hope that me and this person would have become closer and
even loved eath other as a couple. i could have done some things
differently when i was younger and not some of the mistakes that
i have made.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
"I can't believe this happened or how did this happen"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not think about it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't believe it happened
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there wasn't too much that they could do for him b/c he died
instantly.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that i knew where i would go when i die.
--Religious Affiliation:
i am a baptist and i am still going to church
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i do believe that there is a spirit but the spirit is whether or
not you are going to heaven or hell
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people had showed up. there was an unbelievable amount
of people there
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
people who i didnt like and they didnt like me came together at
that time.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he didnt have any
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
that it was left as being good
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i hope they would say that they would want me to be there with
them forever and that they cared for me but never got the chance
to experience it with me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i knew that i was about to die i would make sure that everyone
who is important to me knew i loved them. i would also like to take
time to pray with my family and friends. i try the best way to deal
with knowing i was dying and im not too sure how i would go about it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it has. i have tried to put the past behind me but now it has
gotten brought back up and i have realized some of the things that
i had tried to forget
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 12 06:45:53 2002
F39 in Wintersville, Ohio =US=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Research credit for Psychology Lab
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student/Elementary Education
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 17 Years ago.
Cause of Death: emphysema; Aged: 60.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to a life, but a beginning to understand what is on the
other side.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was upset because it was my grandfather and I felt terribly bad
for my father, uncle, aunt and grandmother.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died from emphysema.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how it affected my family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
support from family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I wouldn't see my grandfather again.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
keep his memories in my heart and never forget him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was trying not to cry.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
while growing up, my brother & I spent 2 weeks every summer with
my grandparents in Pittsburgh.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm having a bad day.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that God would take extra special care of my grandfather.
--Religious Affiliation:
Strong...Episcopal
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the family (all my cousins) was together.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The viewing
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Shortly after my grandfather passed away, my parents and aunt
and grandmother were sitting in my grandparents dining room.
The candleabra that is powered electrically was turned off, but
came on by itself. Also, when I was in college the first time,
my grandfather (in my dream) sat on the edge of my bed.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I don't die anytime soon. I want to see my 3 children grow
up and have grandchildren.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought up subjects I never thought about.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 10 17:14:52 2002
M19 in Pa =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
using this site for a psych project
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: not sure.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person not longer can move talk or breathe
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was saddened but not really sure what death was
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my great grand mother she died when I was in fourth grade
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being at the funeral and my uncle asking me if I understood what
was going on.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not sure
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I will have life after death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being around my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact of not being able to see the person anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just make sure they know you love them and will see them again
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was barried
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was appropriate
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be around her more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her one last time
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
pictures
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
coffins
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
thinking about the person
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yes
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
why
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
how great they are
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort
--Religious Affiliation:
I go to chruch weekly
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i believe all spirits are linked
--Regarding MONEY:
no problem
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many friends she had
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her in the casket
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
nothing
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i didn't notice that
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 5 18:24:25 2002
M36 in Toronto, ON =(originally from Greece)=
Name: Mass
Email: <mass10=at=hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Project Manager
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Republic
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Plato
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: incurable disease; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passage from one state of being to another
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not feel any pain or loss; too young.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandmother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother visiting me in a dream telling me she was cured - the dream
occured on the morning I received a call with the news from overseas.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the message from my mother in my dream
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief in immortality
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my own personal need to have my mother around
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know; I was not present.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have a more solid conviction that death is not an end
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I actually partied that night to celebrate her release from disease.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
live as a mortal and not as an immortal
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell her I love her a few days before.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I cannot communicate with her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't believe my mother would still be in that "form" of being
in any dimension. Her state has changed.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Not at all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
did not live the moments with my mother fully.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
helplessness and compassion.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
helplessness.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
None.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the transformation of a dead star into a nursery of stars or
to a spiritless dead rock depending on the education of the spirit
in this life.
--Regarding MONEY:
I did not have to worry about that.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I believe we have resolved everything - that my mother left with
a forgiving and peaceful attitude.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Even though I believe strongly that she is no longer aware or cares
for this dimension, I still have conversations with her and that
helps ME.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As above, my mother visited me in a dream, was restored into health
and very happy. I was surprised (in my dream) that she was cured and
noticed that behind her stood a solemn old man (like a Nobba-Daddy)
who did not speak but appeared to be waiting for her to finish
her conversation with me. I woke up remembering the dream and it
so impressed me I recounted it to my partner. About half an hour
later the phone rang and I was told my mother was dead.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't care what they'll think
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Death is the epitomy of life. Death should be our companion but
not in a morbid way. More as a destination.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Sep 5 03:54:54 2002
F35 in Metford, NEW SOUTH WALES =Australia=
Name: WENDY SHEPHARD
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: HOME DUTIES
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 8 Months ago.
Cause of Death: neumonia and enlarged heart; Aged: 37.
--Details:
overdosed also on painkillers by accident also
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
pain hurt emptiness emotional what happens next...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
said to myself that she is not there and i will see her again
tomorrow. and horror that someone i knew and loved was gone.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people asking questions and why and what happened.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i think that when having a viewing that people need to know more
about the shock of what to expect at a viewing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my husband passed away peacefully and in no pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my neighbours patience and having a 15 year old son who was stronger
than me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i had lost my husband of 15 years and i had to cope with becoming a
single parent to 2 teenage children, i had to move as i couldn't go
back into the house and this was a stress on top of everything else.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i don't know as my husband died suddenly.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never felt like that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him that i love him and that i wish that i had more time
with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say my last goodbye.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i was making sure that his clothes and shoes were clean for them
to dress him and to make sure that everything he wore was black as
that was what he wanted.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how i was feeling at the time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see a tv show or hear a song that we both loved.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
life would have been a alot easier because we wouldn't have to go
through the pain and suffering.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
its not fair that he died of a young age and that it shouldn't of
happened to a young family and that there wasn't enough time to do
the things we wanted.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with my husband.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
dumfounded why how when and what do i do now that i have found him
like this.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they suck!!!!!
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN
--Regarding MONEY:
I WAS LEFT WITH A GREAT EXPENSE IN HIS PASSING WITH THE COST OF
THE FUNERAL AND THE PLAQUE ETC.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
THE WAY THAT WHITE LADY FUNERALS WERE THERE RIGHT TO THE END AND
AFTERWARDS CHECKING UP ON ME AND THE KIDS.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
THAT I WISH IT WAS ME INSTEAD OF HIM.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
DRUG ABUSE
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
MY BEST FRIEND AND NEIGHBOUR AND MY 15 YEAR OLD SON.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
SORRY LIFE WASN'T ALL UPS BUT I LOVED YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN
AND I STILL LOVE YOU NOW WHEN I MEET WITH YOU AGAIN PLEASE DON'T
LEAVE ME.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I WAS SOUND ASLEEP ONE NIGHT WHEN I HEARD HIS VOICE ASKING ME FOR
A CUP OF COFFEE.AND IT FREAKED ME OUT AND I DIDN'T GO BACK TO SLEEP
THAT NIGHT.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
MY WISHES ARE TO BE BURIED WITH MY HUSBAND AND TO GO THROUGH THE
SAME PLACES ETC.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
YEAH! BRING IT ON!!! BUT I WANT TO SEE MY KIDS GROW UP FIRST...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I HAVE MADE A CABINET WITH ALL OF HIS PERSONAL THINGS IN IT AND
GOT AN OSTRICH EGG PAINTED WITH HIS NAME DATE OF BIRTH AND DEATH
ETC. AND I GAVE A PART OF HIS BELONGINGS TO PEOPLE THAT KNEW HIM AND
PEOPLE THAT DIDN'T KNOW HIM BUT WOULD APPRECIATE SOMETHING FROM HIM.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
OFTEN I WILL SIT DOWN AND HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE AND SAY THIS IS FOR
YOU TOO. AND I PICK OUT A STAR EVERY NIGHT AND SAY HELLO STEVE.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
THE HOUSE THAT I MOVED INTO HAD A LADY THAT I HAVE EVERYTHING IN
COMMON WITH AND WE HAVE BECOME THE BEST OF FRIENDS AND WE CAN TALK
TO EACH OTHER ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IT IS AS IF STEVE PUT
US TOGETHER SO THAT I WOULD HAVE SOMEONE THERE FOR ME FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFE. WE ARE INSEPERABLE AND GO SHOPPING ETC TOGETHER IT HAS
HELPED ME GET ON WITH MY LIFE. LIFE WITHOUT LIZ WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE
AND OUR NEW NICKNAMES ARE YOUME AND MEYOU.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
having friends and family around and talking has helped alot
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
not knowing what was happening and confusion.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
TO LET PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THINGS IN THIER OWN TIME AND NOT TO
PUSH PEOPLE.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
IT HAS HELPED ME TO THINK AND TO EXPRESS FEELINGS THAT I SHOULD
HAVE EXPRESSED SOONER.THANKYOU FOR THIS QUESTIONARE...
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
SOME OF YOUR QUESTIONS SEEM REALLY LONG AND HARD TO UNDERSTAND TO
A GRIEVING PERSON AS I NEEDED HELP FROM MY BEST FRIEND TO RE-ASK
THE QUESTION IN AN EASIER FORM.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 4 23:39:14 2002
F34 in Friedberg, =Germany=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
Looking for some links concerned with "Trauer" (grief in German)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
"Auch Du lebst ewig" from Bernard Jakoby, "Wenn ein Kind gestorben"
ist from Juliet Cassuto Rothman, "Wenn Mütter trauern" from Ursula
Goldmann-Posch, Books from Dr. Raymond A. Moody and Bill and Judy
Gugggenheim
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Children, 10 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: an Accident whille playing; Aged: 6.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
to let go of the body and live forever in another world. Our
essential self, or soul never dies. She is with God and all the
souls of all the other people who died.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very sad about all the risks I did not take, the things I did
not do.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the terrible feeling of emptiness, of horrible longing to see my
children just once again, hold them, hear them
--What I think my (Germany) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is part of life, and therefor has to be talked about, thought
about
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that feeling I felt when we lay out the empty bodies of my children
in the parlor as we had them at home for their final goodbyes. I felt it
as they sent me all their power and love from the other side, and I had to
smile then, thinking of them and knowing they were near.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the help of my husband and about 10 women, who are caring for my
everyday life
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the thinking, what could/would not have been, if......
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they had to go so young. There were so many things for them to see,
to do,, to live - with me, with us, their Mama and their Papa
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shouted and cried. I could not stop.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very good. I think that all people belong together, that there is
one final reality, where we all go. And there would be peace and
love forever.
--Regarding MONEY:
I would not have dreamt that a funeral and a grave are so expensive
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the happiness with which the children of Julia's Kindergarten and
all the other children were painting the coffin.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
About 2 weeks after the death of my children I was cleaning the
bathroom, when I felt an enormous warmth on my right arm, just as big
as a childs head. This feeling stayed about 20 or 30 seconds, then
it was gone. I am sure, that one of my children visited me. They
always like to assist me while doing my housework.
Just one week ago (9 weeks after the death) my husband and I were
watching TV and eating chips & salsa. We then left the room a bit to
smoke in front of the house. When we returned, 2 Taco chips were
stuck in the sauce. Neither of us put them there. Again, we were
certain that our children wanted to assure us they were near.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
After the death of my children, death has nothing horrible for
me. I will be together with them, that is all I want.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have placed pictures of Julia and Tobias on a special place in
the living room, where I always have two candles burning. I talk to
them in my thoughts many times a day, and especially in the evening,
before I fall asleep.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
Viewing the dead bodies of my children was essential to me to be
able to believe that they would never come back. The help of many
friends, their patience in hearing my thoughts and memories over
and over again was very helpful. But most of all the love of my
husband helps me to live.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 4 20:24:51 2002
F43 in Port Richey , fl =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: full time student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: ingnorance on behalf of the hospital; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
hopefully, a continuation of life but in a different dimention.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was four and totally unnerved.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The guilt I felt
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to accept it and celebrate it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was with my paternal grandmother when she passed and saw she
entered heavens gates with all the dignity she lived on earth with.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like I have no choice, I need to accept and go on.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Not being able to speak to my loved one ever again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
When my aunt was dying, she saw her sister and father.
My grandmother saw her husband ( my grandfather)
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I was driving home late one evening, and fell asleep at the wheel
of my car on the parkway, my cousing ( who was recently killed in
a hit and run) walked in front of my car and woke me up.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you grandpa and I'll see you in heaven. Please watch over us.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My cousins saving me on the parkway. I have not dreamed of my
maternal grandfather since his passing, 13 years ago and wish that
I could.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Dignity
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I see my loved ones again.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I cry and speak out loud.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I was not there for my grandfather.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I volunteer in a nursing home and confront, on an almost daily
basis dying.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Healing, in a way.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Sep 4 11:20:37 2002
M35 in Phoenix, Arizona =united states=
Name: Gino Madrid
Email: <Madgino2=at=aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
curiosity
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Psychology major
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Religious Leader, Years ago.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
merely the end of this particular existence. From here we move
into a higher plain of being. Although our bodies cease to live in
this life, our spirits move on to the afterlife. Death is simply
a doorway to the next realm.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand it.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was the pastor of my church. I was on a field trip to the
Grand Canyon with my sophomore class. On our way back, we passed
an accident. A truck hauling pipes lost part of its load and one
of the pipes went through the windshield of the car behind it.
It was minutes after the accident when our bus drove by, and they
had not yet cleared the area, therefore, we all got a first hand
look at the body of the driver with half his head taken off. When I
got home, I turned on the news to see if there was any information
about the accident. That's when I found out that it was the pastor
whom I had grown to love.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
lashing out at those around me who tried to comfort me.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it not to be feared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my grandfather made the decision to refuse treatment which
would have kept him alive. He had suffered from his third stroke,
and was already paralyzed on the entire left side of his body.
He was in great pain and could no longer do anything for himself,
so he said that he could no longer live life that way. He made
his choice, and I respect him for it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that his pain was over.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
those who didn't know how to handle it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be strong. let them go in peace, without guilt. Don't make them
feel as if they are letting you down by going.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize that he did what he felt he needed to do. It wasn't
for the family to decide. He left this life on his own terms.
I'm proud of him for that.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the Dr's tried to get the family to force him to receive treatment.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was his way of saying goodbye.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
accept his death for what it was.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandfather had made his mind up to die. Once he did that, he
didn't want to see anyone. Whether it was due to him not wanting
to feel sad about it, or the fact that he was stubborn as a mule,
he stuck to his guns.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
those who didn't get to say goodbye. It was as though he had
deprived them of something. Hell, HE was the one dying, not them.
They have the rest of their lives to work it out.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was angry that god would take that person away from me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
not sure if this question is asking about the death which I listed
above or just death in general. For the above listed death. It
took several years of anger and questioning God before I finally
realized that God has a plan for all of us, and perhaps His plans
called for Father Joe to be with him. As far as death in general,
I suppose that the answer is the same. However, I am a recovering
drug addict and I read about or hear about friends of mine dying
more than I'd like to. I guess that the sheer quantity of people
I've known dying has also forced me to have to deal with it in a
manner that is not detrimental to my own well being.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
I found that my own selfishness hindered my ability to deal with
death. I did not think that I deserved to have people taken away
from me, therefore I blamed God for a long time.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 3 12:34:08 2002
F19 in dothan, al =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you leave your mortal and corrutible body and go to either
heaven or hell. If heaven you receive an incorrutible body and if
hell you burn there forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a teen, very confused, sad , and had disbelief
--That first time, how it happened was
it was my grandmother who died from cancer she and i had become
prett close because before she got really bad she moved in with my
dad so she was there when i came to spend the weekends
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
we became a closer family b/c that was what my grandma wanted most
was for us to be really close. she said family is the most imported
thing in life
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to know where you will end up after death (heaven or hell)
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family becoming closer and drawing together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and my boyfriend they were there anytime i wanted to talk
and ask questions or if i just needed to cry
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
we all expected b/c it was cancer but it was just so hard to believe
that it had actually happened
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand, let them know how much you love them and what they
mean to you and that you will always remember them
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it is important to spend time with them and get to know them to have
a close relationship with them over the years instead of trying to
fit it all in, in such a short time
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we went to her viewing and funeral service. she was catholic and
they did a lot of different things from what i'm used to . I didn't
understand why they wouldn't open her casket at the funeral nothing
was wrong with her that you could see
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was okay because that helped me deal with it and i was just
remembering the old times
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her goodbye one last time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be close to her before the end
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i don't know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what everyone thought
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see other people with their grandmothers
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i'd spend a lot more time with her talking and just having fun
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she went so quickly other people live for years with cancer
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
completely get over it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
already, did i tell her everything i needed to, did she know how
much i loved her
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
tankfullness for making her comfortable and be so kind and gentle
to her as well as us
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it was ok
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
friends to count on a different type of family to rely on and know
they were praying for you and her
--Religious Affiliation:
christiain (assembly of God)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right if they belive in heaven and hell and how you have to live
to get to each one
--Regarding MONEY:
i didn't deal with that
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all the people whose lives she touched and they cared about her
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
waking up the next morning and realizing it was real and not a
dream and knnowing i had to face all over again
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
different things with cancer
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was terrible
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i love you, you made no mistakes with me, you did the best you
could and i thank you for that, i will never forget you and when
i have kids i will tell them all about you
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just let myself think about the way she was before she was sick
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
some with people who experienced the same loss
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
they did great helping me
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was ok pretty long
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 3 12:03:44 2002
F20 in Buffalo, New York =US=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Teacher
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that is meant to be. I firmly believe that you have
a number and when that number is pulled your time on this earth
is done. It is always hard to deal with and usually unexplainable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock. You never think something like this can happen to
your family. But since my first experience with someones death I
have had many more to deal with and all but two were tragic deaths.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How bitter a family can get when it is time to give out money
and belongings that belonged to deceased. People become greedy
and deceitful. It is a terrible thing.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not a chance to get free money or a free car or something of
value that you always admired on the the deceased dining room table.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned that death is something that only time heals and that the
true inner person can come out of people and it isn't someting you
always want to witness.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The funeral and seeing the person peaceful in their coffin and at
peace in heaven. There are no more worries for the deceased.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing how horrible other people acted.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You learn how to charish life and what you have a thousand times
more.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Charish my friends and family more. I drive safely all the time,
wear my seatbelt and make others wear theirs.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My uncles death brought my father and my other uncle to not talk
anymore.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I have always had the urge to laugh at funerals. I think it is
just a way for my body to let out stress and to not make it such
a sad event.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Go to his house and hang out with him and his 10 or more dogs that
he loved so much.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
save the last Christmas card that he gave to me with a gift.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i don't know, nothing really impressed me
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
don't know
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go and visit grave sites i think of all things that I have done
and accomplished that I know that I would have like my uncle to
have been there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dream that my father would have his brother/best friend back in
his life and he would be much happier.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that all of his dogs were put to sleep by his stupid son.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring my uncle ron back to life so my father wouldn't feel so lonely
sometimes like I know he does.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't believe this happened. He was only two miles from his house.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
My uncle died instantly so there was never a medical community
involved.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NOTHING. My priest at our church that we all attended refused to
bury my uncle because he didn't donate enough money to the church.
--Regarding MONEY:
it tore our family even more apart
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was a short, quiet ceremony since the priest was only at the
funeral home for 5 minutes. I hate to even call him a priest.
I would call him money hungry.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The situations that happened after his death made me more angry
that him actually passing away
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
just knowing that they are in heaven, and at peace, and with me
all the time, let me grieve easier and accept it faster.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him that my father is doing good, and that I now have
2 dogs. It would make me feel good to tell him that i am doing
good and so is the family.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want all of my organs donated and that is something that I
would make very clear to my husband and family. Which they already
know that I want everything donated.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew i were going to die soon I would not work or go to school.
I would spend all of my time with my loved ones and have a good
time. I would not like knowing it but I hope my death would be
very peaceful.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
To be careful and aware at all times.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals
The way the family fought over belonging of my uncle and the way
his children dealt with it. Family bickering made it harder than
neccessary.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think if problems to arise the family I think a couselor of some
sort should be brought in to deal with things the right way.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has been nice to vent to something that doesn't talk back but
just listens.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 3 10:25:58 2002
F19 in Blounstown, Florida =USA=
Name: Marissa
Email: <marissa7_17=at=yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
My teacher requires this project
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 68.
--Details:
She was very special to me. I spent at least 2 hours every day
with her my whole life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something everyone will experience. Going to be with God.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very uncomfortable about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
Really the first death I remember well was my aunt. She died
from cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that my grandma was never coming back.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that can be a positive thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
getting to spend the time that I did with that person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being with people that I love and people that cared for the person
I am grieving.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The permenance of it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
it's okay to let go, God's waiting for you.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
believe that I will be reunited with her.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
a close friend of mine was killed last year in a car accident and
he was only 18 years old.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that was my grandma making me laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let my grandma know how much she did for me even though she was sick.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with her for 15 years.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
everyone just surrounded me and supported me through such a hard
time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see something that reminds me of my grandma.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
In that dream it's just like it used to be. Me and my grandma are
in her room talking, watching tv.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i had to lose my grandma. I felt that I was the only person
to ever lose someone.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have one more day with her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought why him he didn't even get a chance to have a family,
career, or experience college with us.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they were terrific. Hospice was awesome they made her comfortable
right up til the end.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were great.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
believing in a christian God, being a good person.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
if you are more good than bad than you have the chance to go to be
with God.
--Regarding MONEY:
that wasnt an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was a nice group of people that all cared about my grandma and
our family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
putting the body in the ground forever.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
reverting back to a past state, drifting in and out of
consciencenous.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
what helped me was just feeling that she was out of pain and in a
better place.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
hearing my grandma's voice at the funeral.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
When my boyfriend's father died he seen him in his bedroom that
night.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
we were on very good terms
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
their living will should always be carryed out and respected
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
praying.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
just knowing that my grandma wouldn't want me to sit around and
sulk she would want me to be making good grades and making her proud.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
nope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i couldn't reach out i had to settle it with myself
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this is a very good and emotional survey
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
some of the questions were too long but other than that everything
is good
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Sep 3 07:38:32 2002
F25 in Florida =Usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
just a paper we have to do for our teacher
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The BIBLE
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
JESUS HIMSELF
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: natural death; Aged: 80.
--Details:
It wasn't only my grandmother that died that year. Both my
grandparents on my dad side died, too. they all died within a six
months period.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like a sequence in life that nobody can excape from. everybody had
to go through that. it is a sad experience for those that are left
behind but all good things must come to an end someday.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in denial at first, then it hit me that they weren't coming
back. I will never get to see them.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that everybody thought of her just going to heaven. that she is alot
better where she is at. that there will be no pain and no suffering
where she is at. they were almost in denial. they probably thought
that it will ease there pain if they knew she would be fine.
--What I think my (Usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that they have to overcome grief before they can get to the next
step, which is acceptance. we all have to go through the stages
of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family came closer than ever before. my dad's family came closer
also. they all haven't spoken to each other for years, then when
my grandparents died the became closer. i was very grateful for that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family and especialy the Bible has helped me alot.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
MY GRANDPARENTS ARE NO LONGER WITH US!!!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That there presence does matter to everybody not just for the family.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
experienced a closer family relationship than before!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My grandmother almost died about two weeks before then. She went
into cardiac arrest and they had to revive her. Why did she die when
she did? It is very confusing for me also that all my grandparents
died so close together!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i'm glad that my whole family was able to laugh out loud because
my grandmother was always able to make us laugh even if we didn't
feel like it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to spend more time with them!!!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to with them all right before they died! i got to tell of them by-e
and will miss them so much!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to be serious and not be having fun. Grandma was always having fun!!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
things that remind me of her and my other grandparents. They all
mean't alot to me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
we would all get along better!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i won't be able to see them again.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
See them again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was no longer going to see them again!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they really couldn't do much for my grandparents.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were very good people.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
so much for to know that my granparents are being taken care.
--Religious Affiliation:
Mennonite/Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting
--Regarding MONEY:
we had to pay alot for there burial. even though some of them had
already paid their lots, there were still alot of other things.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that all were good people there.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the part that they are still with us and that they are okay no more
pain or suffering.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a change in behavior
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
don't go into denial
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My nephew had a vision last week of my grandmother. It was kinda
scary, yet it was exciting that my grandmother is still among us. she
is an angel and always had been one even when she was alive. She
will take good care of us.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Never has happenend to me or anyone else i know. except my
grandmother, but she is gone now and she never talked about it.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i think i resolved those issues before they died. i really do miss
all of them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i miss you and love you so much. i wish you could of stayed and
seen my children grow up. realived(sp)
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i have had many dreams that my grandmother has been with me. i know
she is watching over us. i also had told you the situation with my
nephew. that was an assurance situtation for me. i know now that
she is watching out for us.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
that you have a short life live to the fullest./
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
very sad. i don't want anyone to cry for me. i want to live so that
i can see my children grow up and have thier kids.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i just prayed and asked God to help me with this.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
not really!
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not really!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i reached out to my family. that my family would be closer and
dealing with the situation.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it helped me to think of my granparents and how wonderful they were.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
How did they feel about that person and thier past situations?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Sep 2 18:30:03 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
just looking thourgh on death and dying things and found this
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
chicken soup books
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart and kidney problems also strokes; Aged: .
--Details:
he suffered for one year really really bad
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is when someone you know or do not know from earth moves on
into another world. My beleife is heavean. Because their time here
is done.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldnt beleive it and to this day i still have night mares
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone was crying and very sad and for once i couldnt make
people feel anybetter or stop the hurt and i had to deal with this
my self.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
you cant bring them back but we must move on not that i am saying
we must fortet but we should not always live in the past
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that you cant speak to them whenever you want. You cant
just go to the next room and they will be there
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i realized that HEY! they are really gone
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i regret doing it or not thinking about reality but yet blocking it
out by laughing or doing something rebbellous or stupid so that i
could stop facing the truth that my dad was sick and was going to die
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my dad that i loved him more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him before he died
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
no for me i hated the fact why couldnt got take anyone but him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
punch something
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
dont know what i am going to do without them
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that there are many good nurses and doctors who do care and do all
that they can but then again there are many people in the medical
community who dont
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
wasnt my dads problem though i sympathize because i am aware that
you watch maby
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
alchol, and not thinking about it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
The fact that i always didnt have the support system i needed to
over come my promblem with his death
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Sep 1 14:51:17 2002
F20 in Crandall, Tx =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
It is apart of a class project we have to do
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student...Nursing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
I am a Christian
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Living Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Matthew, Mark, Luke John, etc....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Brain Tumor; Aged: 55.
--Details:
She worked with my mom for 12 years..Friend of the family...She
was my mom's right hand man at work...She had a stroke and then
discovered a brain tumor...She slowly went downhill and died 2 years
later...I took over her position at my mom's business and it made
us closer!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to the physical body God gave us and a beginning of an
awesome spiritual life in Heaven with Jesus
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in high school and my cousin died. We weren't close at all,
but it just makes you think about your own life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much closer it brought us together.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can happen any second of any day.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the memories those people leave behind that makes you smile and
remember them in a positive way.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Going on with my life, but making a conscience effort to tell the
people most important in my life how much I loved them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that the immediate family was in so much pain and misery of
losing the baby boy out of 5 boys...Their holidays would be missing
something important...etc..
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Witness to them and make sure their name is written in the book
of life. Hold their hand and promise them you won't leave their
side and that you are there for them.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am ready to go and be with my Father in Heaven and if anything ever
happened to me, take comfort in knowing I am with my Heavenly Father.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
We prayed so hard for her recovery and it never came. It was just
her time to go be with the Lord
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is the soul's best medicine
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go and visit her more just to get insight on how she felt about
the terminal illness and death
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
contribute to her memorial by singing a solo about being "Home Free"
in Heaven
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Christians came together to rejoice in the fact that she had gone
to be with the Lord
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that she donated her body to science
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I recall some memories we shared together
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would definately spend more time with her and acknowledge the
pain she was going through
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to go when she was so lovable honest and fun
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
trade places with her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
hope my mother is ok and her family is doing ok
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
encouragement and hope
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything...it was the only thing
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't understand this question
--Regarding MONEY:
she had planned to donate her body to science so her family wouldn't
be financially hurt
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
her daughters and husband never shed a tear
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching her slowly but surely deteriorate physically and mentally
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
declining health and bodily functions
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
prayer and knowledge of the Lord's grace and mercy are vital in
coping with death
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have been Carbon Monoxide Poisoned in my house and I was 30
minutes away from death
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them how awesome it was to be so close to going "HOME"
to Heaven with the Lord and she will be sorely missed, but she will
never want to come back
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I don't believe this..once people get into Heaven, they don't want
to come back to earth
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Tell your family and the people you love, just how much you love
them everyday...Don't take those relationships for granted and get
right with the Lord
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have thought about what I would want my funeral to be like and I
am ready...My name is written in the book of life and whenever my
time with the Lord comes, I'll be ready
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
prayer for her family and friends
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I pray everyday for the lost so when they die, they won't go to a
sinner's hell for eternity
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was able to reach out to her family by song during the memorial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is repetitive and some questions were not understandable
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
the ones that I wrote I don't understand or none
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Sep 1 05:34:01 2002
F47 in Jacksonville, Florida =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
And talking about the person, memories
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
Knowing the death was not natural, when one dies in an accident
or murder.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Aug 02 contributions.
See Jul 02 contributions.
See Current contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
