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See Current contributions.
See May 02 contributions.
See Apr 02 contributions.
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Thu Jun 27 13:31:39 2002
F32 in plant city, florida =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 6 Months ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 38.
--Details:
roomate killed her then killed himself
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
going home to your creator and being and knowing all
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 10 tears old, and no one told me the truth but i knew they
were keeping something from me. i felt death was something you dont
talk about
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that person watching over us
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
yo live on
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i had those i've lost as long as i did
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i'll never see them on this earth again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let hem know that thy are loved
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
n/a
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
n/a
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
n/a
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
n/a
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear my loved ones favorite music
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be brighter
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that sorry fuckers,low-life scum still walk this earth and mydad
and aunt were taken!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
really talk to them in my dreams
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
screamed NO!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
doctors not trying their best and the insurance companies care only
about money
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing!!
--Religious Affiliation:
raised catholic until 11 years old,then no more church. but my
beliefs are strong
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
n/a
--Regarding MONEY:
you need money on the spot. the funeral,casket,everthing!! the
money issue adds bullshit on top of tremendous greifyes
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
n/a
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
n/a
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my dad was in a coma and he said that his deceased mother and father
were there but they had their backs turned to him and wouldn't talk
to him.my father didn't believe in things like this, so it really
freaked me out when he told me.6 months later he passed away. i
guess they finally faced him with open arms.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
after my dad came out of the coma he told us he has something to say
and he'd only say it once (we thought he was gonna tell us not to
smoke) but he said religion was a good thing (he was a very grumpy
man and not openly religious)
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i had a dream a few months after my dad died, he was in my backyard
and i was like "whats going on, you are dead?", then it got bright
and all these beautifull colors were filling the sky and i said "it's
real!"(meaning heaven) and he said yes. i felt this overwhelming
warmeth comeover me and i was in the presence of holiness(very
strange and powerful feeling peacefullness) i was so happy.. to
finally feel it. thats all i really remember
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
n/a
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
dont want to know, i want it sudden and quick
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
n/a
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
believing it was their time to go
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Mystical Studies
trying to picture loved ones in heaven all holy and stuff
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i have a big headache now, haha its helped
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Thu Jun 27 11:48:48 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Final Gifts
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 67.
--Details:
My mother died at home with the help of hospice. All day long
as she lay in coma, the men and women she worked with dropped my
the house to say goodbye to her. Despite the fact that she was
unable to respond, these big burly guys would take her hand and
tell her that they loved her and would miss her. Many of them cried.
Then toward evening as everyone began to go home, Mom died. You see,
Mom always hated to leave a party. I am of the firm belief that
she waited until her last party was over before she left forever.
Being with my Mom when she died freed me from any fear I had about
the dying process. My sister and I cried over her, and then with
my cousin's help, we washed, dressed and prepared her body to go
to the crematorium. Those simple acts were profoundly important
to me. They helped me accept that she was gone. Washing her body
(as she had mine when I was small) was the final act of love and
nurture I could give her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a physical, reproducing organism, ceases to function,
decays and returns to the simpler compounds of which it was
constructed. (Scientific)
when the bit of universal consciousness
trapped inside a physical body is momentarily freed to become one
with the universe (metaphysical).
A trip.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Found it interesting, if somewhat solemn.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died of lung cancer when I was 45 years old. She lasted
almost 90 days from the date of diagnosis to the date that she died.
I got a call from my sister (who lived in the same town as my
mother) that she had taken my mother to the hospital where they
had discovered a mass on x-rays. I flew out to the coast the next
day, and by that time the doctors were certain that my mother had
inoperable lung cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The way that grief would slap my upside the head when I least
expected it--causing me to cry without warning and then fade away
again--only to slap me again at some future time.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is a natural, inevitable part of life. We need to care
for our dead ourselves. We need to be with our dying at their
moment of departure so that we, the living understand that there
is nothing to fear. We need to cry more, laugh more, sing more at
the dead person's funeral. We need to feel it instead of hold it
at arm's length.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother's death allowed me to formally end a marriage that had
died years ago. She had loved my former spouse so much that I just
could not leave until she was gone. As much as I miss her, I am
grateful that she did not have to go through the divorce with me,
and that I was finally free to go.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking with and being with my sister was number 1.
Talking with
my therapist was number 2.
Being with my sons was number 3.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing my mom, who is probably everyone's fantasy of immortality.
After all, wasn't she here when we were not? Wasn't she the one
you wanted around when you had a fever--even at 35? Didn't she
keep the bad things at bay? Who does that now that she's gone.
Losing my mom was like losing my shield...I am stronger for it,
but I still miss the respite that shield provided.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there---you don't have to say a word, a hand squeeze or hug
will do it. Just the simple presence of people at my mom's funeral
made such a difference. It was the simple fact that they came;
it wasn't what they said. So don't worry about being profound,
just worry about showing up.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
My father's death changed the way I see spirit and life after
death, etc. He died of Alzheimer's. Everything that I thought was
permanent about my father faded away as his brain deteriorated.
I now firmly believe that personality is mortal, and that the
sense of self we hold so dear dies with our brains. Yet I also
believe that consciousness (without past present or future,
without personality or I-ness) is real and immortal and total.
My father's death taught me that.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why it took so long for me to miss my father after he died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to my father more before the disease took away his past.
I wish I had made myself sit down with tapes and just let him talk.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The hours before my parents' deaths when the changes in their bodies
and breathing became noticeable. Seing the physical shut down begin,
progress and reach its conclusion made it all very real.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The visitation or viewing...who cares?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Losing my parents has made me much more aware of those I love and how
much they mean to me (including my pets). When I was younger, I did
not cry at death scenes in movies, etc. I think that was because it
had not touched me personally. Now that I know what grief and loss
are like, I cry a lot more when I see others experiencing a loss.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The lung specialist was brisk, dry and without emotion. "You are
dying, and there is no treatment that will help."
The family
physician, wracked with guilt, authorized chemo-therapy that shrank
the tumor a little, but basically took away three or four days out
of the few we had left.
The specialist may have sounded uncaring,
but he told the truth.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I thought hospice was wonderful. They provided fantastic support to
my mother, sister, father and me during the process of my mother's
dying. I cannot say enough good things about hospice. They made it
possible for my mother to die at home where she wanted to be.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing much. It seemed important at one stage of my life, and it
provided a framework for my mother's funeral, but it doesn't mean
much now.
--Religious Affiliation:
My current affiliation is Buddhist (sort of American Zen)
My past
affiliation is Episcopalian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Read David Darling's ZEN PHYSICS for a perfect description of
what I feel.
--Regarding MONEY:
My father paid for his plan ahead of time, and I my mother wanted
straight cremation. We came together with a party/wake/reception
for my mom. Money wasn't an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was surprised to discover that it felt good that people showed
up. Even though I was upset and grieving, etc., I meant something
to me that people cared enough (either about my parent or about my
sister or me) to come and be with us. Funerals are okay for this
reason alone.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The dreams I had in which my mother came to talk to me.
The
mutual feeling my sister and I shared that told us to go to the
nursing home to say goodbye to my father just a few minutes before
he died.
The vision my sister had of my father walking whole and
healthy through her bedroom just before the phone rang to tell us
he was gone.
While the scientist in me says that the survival
of personality after death is not likely--incidents like the above
leave the door open for me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Changes in coloring of the limbs.
The person's kidneys ceasing
to work.
Changes in breathing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It was all mixed up, like a stew. Although my grief did resolve
over time, there was
no nicely contained grieving process. It was
a jumble of feelings and behaviors. I knew
that I was strong
enough to handle it, and I knew that eventually I would be okay,
so I just
let it happen. When I needed to cry, I cried. When I
needed to veg-out, I did. When I needed to
shove it away, I read
a good book or went to the movie. I just did what I needed to do.
And I talked.
I talked to my sister, I talked to my therapist,
and I talked to my boys.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother asked my cousin (as my cousin was helping her dress)
"who's that man standing behind you?" Of course there was no
one there.
If Mom experienced anything else, she couldn't
or didn't tell us.
My Dad's brain was too damaged for him to
communicate with us, and yet my sister and I had an overwhelming
compulsion to go see him at the nursing home on the night he died.
We walked into the nursing home after 11:00 p.m. to be with him.
He died about 15 minutes after we left him, a little after midnight.
How did we know to go? Who told us?
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think it is okay to have some unresolved issues with your loved
ones. Needing to "fix" everything can be just as debilitating as
denying that something was wrong. Loved ones are human too; there
are some things they will never see your way. If you love them,
and you are okay with yourself, you let the stuff go and realize
that that person simply isn't capable of dealing with the issue.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love to tell my mother and father that I love them and miss
them every day, but that I am doing okay, and the kids are okay,
and life is good. They'd like that a lot.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Already described above.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Funerals are for the living--not the dead. Tell your loved ones about
any strong beliefs (like burial versus cremation, etc.) and then
let them help plan what will happen. Oh, you may want to share some
music, pictures, etc., but get their input too. One of the best
days my mother and father had together was when they went to the
funeral home and picked out my father's casket, burial plot, etc.,
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes it scares the sh*t out of me. After all, I am a mortal
creature, and a big part of my brain is dedicated to staying alive
at all cost. However, another part of me knows that death is simply
a part of life, and it will be okay, however it happens.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
For about the first year after my mother's death, I wore a lot of
her clothes (we were about the same size). I still have a sweater
of my father's that I wear. I don't know why, but wearing something
they had worn made me feel better.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have a small bit of my mother's ashes in a little jar. It sits on
my shelf. Tucked inside as well is a lock of my father's hair. Just
knowing I have "a little of my folks" in my house makes me feel
better.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My sister and I grew even closer than we were after our mother died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
The experience of going through the process of being with my mother
when she died, grieving her loss and getting on with it was my
best teacher. Also,I saw a counselor to help me cope with losing
my mother and ending my marriage at about the same time. Counseling
was helpful. Talking to my sister, crying with my sister was very
helpful. We were in it together.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
The other stresses that were occurring in my life. They took energy
away from the grieving process.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I went back to school to earn my bachelor's and master's degrees. I
want to put that education to use in the community. I volunteer
now in social services areas. The only true immortality any of us
has is in what we do for others, and what love we give to others.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I was okay with this questionnaire. I am preparing a workshop on
this topic, and that's how I found your site. Your questions have
given me some insight into some of the things I need to ask the
people who attend my workshop.
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Thu Jun 27 11:43:08 2002
F31 in clinton, NC =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible- differant books on death and dying I have read
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 80's.
--Details:
She just slowly withered away like a rose and losing her independance
and seeing it all happened made me said that I couldnt help her
pain or depression.She was frail even before she had the cancer
and she lived 2 hours from me. I visited her when I could and she
was grateful but I feel bad to see her suffer and not be able to
do for herself. I dont want thAT TO HAPPEN TO ME. I also felt bad
for my mom cos she had to see her mom like that too...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Body ceases to function and all life has left. Body starts to
decompose. Body is old and worn out or attacked by desease so it
dies..Im not positive about where the soul goes
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried. I had a weird funny feeling inside me
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My family didnt want to express feelings, except my mom. The family
involved that day were her husband, My mom me and my brother. It
was like no one knew how to act or say. I think secretly we were
releived cos she was so miserible. I had wished i stayed in the
home all night with her and been there when she passed. I felt sad
that I wouldnt see her
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Im not sure, maybe make it more excepted as a part of life and not
a shameful thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
appreciate people while you have them,dont sweat the small stuff,
take care of your body
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I couldnt go to funeral in the night I found out I had an ovarian
cyst and had to rush to the hospital.I also found out I was
pregnant. I was disappointed cos If I had know i would of told my
nana before she died. She had always wanted me to have a child.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Im not sure what you mean but I know it meant alot for my nana to
see everyone there around her at the home. I came from NC and my
mom TN and my brother Miami. We all got there to her within an hour
of each other!!
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
i dont know
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wasnt confused
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My nana would always ring her bell from the bedroom when she needed
something and yell "walter" (her husbands name. After she died,
my brother was taking a nap in her room and all of us in the dining
room heard him ring the bell and call out like nana, for his wife. We
all laughed.Nana was sometimes very mean to Walter so it was like
we were teasing him...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk more to her privarely before everyone else got there.I did
talk to her some but she couldnt answer me and it frustrated her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her before she died and we ere all in the room together before
she died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
While I was visitng my nana alone I felt the urge to just say I
was pregnant just to make her happy. It turns out I really was and
didnt know it till the next day when I had to go to the hospital
with the ovarian cyst. It was almost like she died but a new life
was starting!!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
not sure
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
remembering her or the things we did when she was younger
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would visit her more often
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
death is a part of life
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I felt like a tether rope that connected me to her had been cut. It
was a shock even though I knew she was on her way out. I was the
the one who took the call at 1am from the home.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
rich people get better care
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were a blessing
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it was a comfort for my nana
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I dont know
--Regarding MONEY:
It was an issue cos her husband hadnt prepared for the exspenses
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
only 3 people were at the service I was at home sick with my
ovarian cyst
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I felt empty like nana had flown away
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
tempurature, breathing, clammy skin
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She had 2 experiences like this in her life once when she was 5
and again when she was abot 70 both times she was really sick
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
good
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I dont want pain and Id like some time to say good bye. Im a little
afaid of whats on the other side.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
time
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
appreciate my family
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
religous beliefs- time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I felt I should have done more for my nana when she died 2 years ago.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
nothing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not really but I hope it has been useful to you. I was comfortable
about nana dying because she had a long life and was in pain. I
just miss her and wish i could ahve done more for her,I have good
memeories
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Wed Jun 26 14:44:41 2002
F17 in bham, = ?? =
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: tb; Aged: 63.
--Details:
it fucked me up 4 the rest of my life
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beggining
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried alot
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wanting to die myself
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
where we go afterwards.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
smoking. heavily.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling alone and having no control
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we moved into my grandads house
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the sandwhiches at the funeral
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
shite
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
crystals tarot cards
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Wed Jun 26 08:53:38 2002
F24 in KY =U.S.=
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Prof/Studies: RN
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying (?) & the Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 18 Years ago.
Cause of Death: uterine cancer; Aged: mid 50's.
--Details:
She died in the hospital after a long battle with cancer.
My grandfather heard that if you have a hysterectomy, you lose your
sex drive; therefore, she waited to late to have the hysterectomy.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as we know it on earth. Truthfully, it's a mystery.
We are no longer living in our earthly bodies, yet, we take on
spiritual lives that live in memories and bless the future.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and very sad, as I was very young.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how beautiful my grandmother was, and how much in love my
grandparents were.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is only the beginning. Life is so much bigger than this
single experience. Love and remember.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I better understand that suffering is not quality of life, making
death a sometimes more humane alternative.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family and time alone to heal.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to say good-bye and I love you.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Keep talking, and telling them how important they were in your life.
Everyone could use a little praise and love.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have changed my feeling about death. I no longer fear it and
have nightmares, but see death as a part of the cycle of life that
encaptures beauty in many senses.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was not able to express my deepest emotions and say good-bye.
No closure to such a beautiful relationship.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Hug my grandmother and grandfather, tell them how wonderful their
relationship was and shaped my thoughts.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see my grandmother before she died, and spent time with my family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people I didn't even know showed my how important and loved my
grandmother was.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
thank you cards!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think to the future when my parents might die or when I might be
sick and die or if my husband might be sick and die.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would not be a functional member of society.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when thinking of the death of a child.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
take a long vacation from reality.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was deeply saddened and felt sorry for my father (it was his mother).
And then I mourned for my mother that I knew I would someday lose.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
(mostly) care and support.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
none
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an organized way to turn to God for spiritual support.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian (Methodist)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the essence of who we are that carries on in our hearts.
It touches living people, and travels into the unknown of afterlife.
Something we cannot see or touch or smell or taste, but we know
is there. Similar to love.
--Regarding MONEY:
not an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I did not like seeing my dead grandmother's body. It didn't look
like the beautiful woman I remember.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The way I remember her face in the casket. Very cold.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Paling of skin, shallow respirations, decreased urine output,
decreased social interactions, extreme weakness...
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I look back on the beautiful qualities of each person. No one is
perfect, but everyone has unique qualities that were used to to
improve life. Acceptance of the cessation of life begins when you
accept the person is gone forever on earth, but never in your heart.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I thought I saw a friend that had died the previous year at a
familiar place waving. I knew it probably wasn't real, but very
comforting. I'm not a big believer in ghosts.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
None.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
none
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would let them know how important they were to me. And ask them
what they loved about me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
see above
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It is important to have a legal living will/advanced directive,
and make all of your family familiar with your wishes. Respect to
the rights of the living/dying are very important.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have thought a lot about this, working as a nurse in a hospital.
I want close family and friends close. I hope not to die alone
or in pain. I do not want unnecessary rescucitation measures.
I want a closed casket visitation/funeral, beautiful music and
flowers with a nice picture of me, good food afterwards.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Reviewing old photos and talking about the good qualities.
Donating money to gifts of memory.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Taking time each week to remember my loved ones and pray for them.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Death, Birth, etc. is a circle of beauty. Sometimes death can be
a blessing after suffering.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Deep sadness when it comes to childred and death.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Reaching out my volunteering time to good services makes you feel
needed and important and boosts moral/self-worth.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Very helpful in organizing my thoughts of death/etc.
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Tue Jun 25 17:35:16 2002
M17 in Dubbo, N.S.W =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Prof/Studies: Metal Fabrication
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Brain Tumer; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The dying of the flesh and living cells
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Thought about when and how my time would come
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
there are too many viruses and disieses to know that your going to
live for example to 100 years old
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a natural form of life
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
maybe i'll see you in the next demension or plain
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her about a possible dimension
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i was 10 years old since then nothing. i do not fear of death. As
my feelings are too strong too ignore about the next demension
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i'll see you in the next dimension
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing to me.The superior beings who seeded us on this plannet
made this up. it was not god. there is no such thing. People who
believe in god are living in a fantasy world, yes thats right we
were seeded here by aliens
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
your current dreams or visions to give you warning
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i cannot say but its something i experience
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i have visions of future events. The events happen 3 weeks after
i have had the dream.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
treat friends with respect and knowing your a good person when you
die.and knowing you will be in the next dimension
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, its to do with destiney
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
Destiney
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it brought back what i thought about
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Tue Jun 25 04:04:50 2002
F Guest in =Unknown Locale=
Email: <apocketfullofrye=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 75.
--Details:
the day before everything was normal, she had me my mother and best
friend over for dinner, the next day she lied dead in her bed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when intellectual brainlife ceases to exist, or at least goes into
another form of excistence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
threw up in a sink (age 7)
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died when I was 8,
and I asked my parents wheter
he was going to die the night before he passed away. Nobody knew
this in advance, and my parents found it very odd that I had asked
such an unnormal question.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when I saw her body in a coffin
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
confrontation, and work to stop the ever growing alienation
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I could communicate with my granddad after he was dead. Not
talking of course, but rather a very certain feeling that he knew
about me and followed me around.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
working with my pony
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to explain teachers at school
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Being calm and talking about old times an nice memories.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found out that she lives on in so many persons memories that I
didn't know of first
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My grandmother didn't seem to sorrow too much over her dead
husband. (my grandfather)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be more helpful to my grandmother. vacumcleaning etc.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell my grandmother how much I loved her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the quality of the paper in the folder with songs at the funeral
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
wheter she had makeup on or not
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I accomplish something she would have been very proud of
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have had strong support when it came to important matters
in my life. Someone to talk to that would understand even though
I couldnt explain. Someone to live for, to make things for and to
love as family.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was too young, and the doctor should have paid more attention
to her. He dindnt care at all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt that time had stopped, and that I was stopping too
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
very poor consistence.
No adequate help was provided my grandmother.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a nice ceremony to gently show our love
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very natural, so that one neednt think about it even
--Regarding MONEY:
none
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there wasnt enough food
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that some neighbours went over, that hadent been inside our doorstep
before. (tradition after what I've heard; one has to help neighbours
morn)
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
thirst
change of skin colour
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
they felt peaceful and had no pain anymore.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that I've learned something important that I have to bring
onwards
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to tell about my education, my boyfriend, my job and
the family. Especially about what we have done to her house. And I
would like her to tell what she tought about it, if she was content
or not.
This would have helped me know where to go with my life
without her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dream about my grandmother quite often, but only nice dreams,
where she helps me out
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It's dangerous to ask for things after you die, because people tend
to pay too much attention to various difficult matters, that needent
have been too important when they were asked for. Ex. A person wishes
for a rose plant that should never die. The person who is to take
care of this plant is forced to move. Who sholud water it now?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hpoe not to die from my boyfriend and family, and I'm afraid of
dying from a future child. But in general, I'm content with life,
and I am grateful for every day.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I helped a friend cope with deat by painting with her
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I like everything about my boyfriend that reminds me of my
grandmother, his unconditional kindness, his big body, his snore
at night, his way of thinking etc.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
Working with animals
afraid of showing feelings to friends
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If I had had a boyfriend at the time
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think so...
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Mon Jun 24 22:45:27 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
From you
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 1/2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: complications of diabetes; Aged: 66.
--Details:
He died of denial and life pain.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Cessation of bio-mechanical and bio-electrical processes leading
to the physical degradation of the biological systems.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Above
--That first time, how it happened was
A man was walking in front of the family car when we were parked
in front of a bank. He fell to the ground and died. It was from
an aperant heart attack. I knew he was dead but the implications
escaped my young mind.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The concern of the people around him impressed me, but I was to
young to understand the implications.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
For the most part society today does not teach of the natural
processes of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Finding a way to deal with my own death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
I must beleive in an afterlife in order to deal with the thought
of my own death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
The thought of no accomplishments in this life to carry on my
"essence"
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Sun Jun 23 20:46:15 2002
F16 in Slippery Rock, Pennsylvania =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Junior at Slippery Rock High School
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More personal info:
So much has happened this year it is unbelievable, i made that
website to memorialize the people that are no longer with us
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 6 Months ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 18.
--Details:
On new years day after a party we had attended, no alcohol involved,
3 others killed that day in the same accident all my peers. 3
weeks later another friend dies of complications to an illness,
2 weeks later 2 more peers die in another auto accident
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
goodbye to our love. complete emptiness and darkness while trying
to convince yourself that they are in a better place when all you
can see if trouble and sadness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried insonsolably at first alone, then pulled myself together when
around people and tried to keep a smile on, but as soon i was alone
again i became extremely depressed
--That first time, how it happened was
My great aunt Peg was hit by a bus, I understood that she was gone
but not really the significance.. my mother took me to the viewing
and i was too scared to go into the room, i was around 5 yrs old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the extreme disbelief and utter agony knowing so many things will
never be
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is only a horizon
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the closeness that came from my peers and all of the new friends
and the bonding with our teachers as we helped eachother through
a very tough year.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends, not parents i was not comfortable talking to them. the
friends understood what i was going through and we helped eachother
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that our friends are not coming back and actually seeing
that they are gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold them close and tell them everything you feel about them show
them how much you love them don't hold anything back.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
now take his message "Live life to the fullest" and spread it
everywhere i can as i live my life my way and have no regrets
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
after the funeral you are supposed to be over it and the person
is supposed to be gone... i don't think he is, i still feel him
sometimes
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the laughter was my friends spirit. he was not one to be sad and
the laughter helped me release the depression for a moment. he knew
i needed a quick break
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just tell him how i really felt and hear what he felt about me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with him that night and share in his happiness and simply hear
his voice and feel his love.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Before leaving the funeral home for the last time i walked out the
door and glanced back and saw my final look of his face
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having his casket in the funeral... you couldn't see him you couldn't
tell his body was there and i really don't think his spirit was
contained in that silly little box
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i fill our surveys like this... sometimes looking up at the huge
sky and knowing he is somewhere up there and writing about it
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
him sitting at graduation... in real life his seat was left
empty... him holding my hand in the halls, now my hand hangs cold
and limp at my side
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that all four had to go. but i had a sense that it was coming before
it did and i didn't pay attention to it.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sleep and have a comforting dream of him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and immeadiatley thought of the deja vu that had occured... i
wanted to tell him "i love you" and "be careful" when he left,
but i thought i would sound like a mother so i held it back
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
no opinion, no one could have saved him, it was his time to rest
in Paradise, he deserves to live in eternal bliss
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no degenerative death involved
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not too much, i went to the funerals but didn't get much out of them
except for the very personal eulogies; it does provide a sense of
assurance though
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like everyone is united in some way and we will all be reunited in
paradise when the time is right
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't an object in our circumstances, i do wish that there
would have been more time to gather momentos and such before the
viewings though
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
many people just wanted to be invovled and have self-pity and simply
get attention... i tried to take my friends message to be kind to
everyone to heart, but still it bothered me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking at his deceased body and absolutely positively knowing he
wasn't in it anymore
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
strange urges and closeness to the person, making mental notes
of memories
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a very private ongoing experience that few ever see
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have visions of him and all of my other friends that have passed
away this year standing on the clouds holding eachother and serenly
smiling while looking down on me
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i wish i would have told him how much i love him, after he died
i really think he understood how much i loved him i jsut wanted
to know how he felt about me. i will have to wait until i see him
again to know the answer
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Yes i did and he completely assured me that we would both be OK. I
remember the conversation now and it helps me to move on knowing
i will see him again but for now i must continue on with my life
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
yes, the night after he died when i finally did sleep i had a dream
that i walked into school sad and he walked around the corner and
i didn't realize he was dead. seeing him i immeadiatly perked up
and said "Hey Joe, Whats up?" he relied "jess i'm dead." I said
something like Ok and i seemed to be Ok with it.. we hugged in the
sunlight shining through the window i felt warmth we the proceeded
to walk down the hall holding hands... our friends were aroung us
but he assured me that they couldn't see us.. when we came to the
exit of the school he hugged me once again and told me he would
always be with me and slowly let go of my hand and that was the end
of the dream... no feeling of sadness were felt during any part of
the dream just assurance and closure... i have not had another dream
about him since. I think this is because we both said goodbye for now
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
You should do the things that the dying wants done but also do
things for yourself to bring closure and healing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes I do think i would know when i was about to die... I know i am
mortal and now live everyday to the fullest all while awaiting that
joyful day that i see my friends again but i regret that people
would cry over losing me and i think i would miss them too much.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i look to the stars and a constellation i created for myslef and just
randomly say "hey" and "Hope you are ok" in my head directed to him
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i still have conversations in my head to him... i created a webpage
in his honor
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
many. everyone in our school has bonded together and my friends
kindness is reflected in not only our friends but also the people
we don't get along with in our passive resolutions to differences
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Friends helping eachother deal really creates closeness and helps
greatly all people involved
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
I didn't want to talk about it and they pressured me
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I spread my friends message to live life to the fullest. listened
kindly to peoples memories and shared my own, and basically gave
the hugs my friend would have given if he was in my situation
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes it brought back memories and also tears that haven't been in
awhile but it renewed the faith and memory of my friend and prepared
me to deal with his birthday and 6 month anniversary of his death
that is fast approaching
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Sun Jun 23 01:52:33 2002
M44 in Houston, Tx =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Computer Programmer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Unknown Person, 33 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 8.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a process for passing to the other side.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very frightened. The experience haunted me for twenty years. What
scared me the most was realizing my own mortality. It was the fear
of losing control because death was something that I could not
prevent. I started experiencing panic attacks and heart palpitations
thinking that I was going to die.
--That first time, how it happened was
Walking home from school, I witnessed a car go out of control,
jump the curb and kill a classmate.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my fear of dying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that ones fears about their own mortality must be addressed
spiritually. I am not talking about religion.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
learning that death can be a relief if you have a terminal illness
and intense physical pain and suffering. Death can also be a motive
to help people live life to its fullest while they are alive and
not waste time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Oddly enough, it was the Roman Catholic Church. I drifted away
from the Church during my youth and returned after I matured
spiritually. The Catholic Church's teachings helped reinforce what
I learned and experienced spiritually.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
overcoming my fears. I still have fears no doubt but I can live
life one day at a time today. I am grateful every morning I wake up.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to be honest with the person who is dying. Talk frankly, don't
sugar-coat the fact that he/she is dying. Be compassionate. If you
afraid, tell the person that you are afraid.
--[My Mentor's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
finally cried and really miss that person. I can feel that person's
presence today even though he died years ago. I can still hear his
voice giving me advice.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
one of my favorite singers died. I am not so sure about whether
he is in Heaven, Hell, or Purgatory. With everyone else that I
know who has died, I had a good feeling that the person was with
God. With this person, I am not so sure.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
recover and have a healthy mental state today.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
frightened beyond belief.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
Being 11 years old, at the time, I never thought about death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Sat Jun 22 01:24:15 2002
F42 in christchurch, =new zealand=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 21 Years ago.
Aged: 47
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--Death Is:
the time when the physical being of humans ceases to function and
that persons life on earth has finished. the persons spritual being,
however, continues on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i never saw my father die or his body. I saw my father-in-law soon
after he has died. in my nursing career I have seen many people
dying and many whom have died.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father died at home after a two year illness beginning with
a serious heart attack and leading onto heart failure and total
system failure.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
since i have never experienced a sudden or unexpectated death i
have expereinced a sese of release that someone has died and their
suffering has ended. a kind of peace for me.
--What I think my (new zealand) culture needs to better learn about death is:
My culture is a mixture of traditionilist and Maori culture. I
beleive the Maori spend more time being with the dying and mourning
is very significant to the Maori.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the expereince of "being there" with a dying person to hold the
hand and help ease them into death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking to others about their experiences
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the months and years after, recalling and remebering the person
and the feelings that this recalls
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
value the short time before his death. Don't feel intimidated
in front of relations and others when voicing things you believe
should happen
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why he actually died...the medical reason
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
natures way of releasing pent up emotions...either break down
completely or laugh!!!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my father after he had died
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be at the funeral with his friends and family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
no comment
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
thanking people
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
favourite song comes on radio
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
my father died so young and has missed so much of his grandkids
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i never felt like this.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did what they did with the tools they had at the time.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothingn
--Religious Affiliation:
non-existant
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the amount of people there.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
discussing my father and what he would like and sometimes not
knowing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a unexpected lifting if the dying persons condition shortly before
deathnothing
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
nothing
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my father has appered in draems and often speaks about current
issues with me
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i have written down in detail the kind of farewell i would like.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
Talking with family and friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
talking with family and friends
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
in my nursing career i have been able to help others in their
handling of a loved ones dying and death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
some really interesting questions, some were very thought provoking
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Fri Jun 21 23:47:49 2002
F27 in =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: aborer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1/2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 73.
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--Death Is:
the end of our existance on this earth
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sadness of losinig someone i would never be able to see again
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
whathappens after
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i had the chance to say goodbye
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfreind being there for me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss of someone special
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
apprciate those who r still here
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have learned to remember the good times, and not focus on the loss
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it happened so quickly and i have no idea if he still exists
in spirit
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
u have to go on
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him when he was healthy
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be ther for my mom
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i saw him in the coffina dn expected him to sit up and smile...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see something that reminds me of him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be great
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we have to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sleep
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was devastated
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the tried there best
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
depressing
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
atheist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
huh
--Regarding MONEY:
he had it covered with insurance
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
sad
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the closeness we got at the end
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i have no idea
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was good to have friends and family
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
its ok here
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
oh i hope it doesnt happen for a lon time
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
none yet
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just lots of hugs
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
sorta
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Thu Jun 20 07:53:51 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
selfishness
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Thu Jun 20 07:12:04 2002
F54 in Melbourne, Victoria =Australia=
Name: Felicity Moore
Email: <felicitymoore=at=iprimus.com.au>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Surgical Practice Manager
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
A Letter of Consolation
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Henry Nouwen
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 17 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Motor Accident; Aged: 15.
--Details:
Was taken for a ride on a Motor Cycle without our permission, rider
of Motor Cycle went too close to a parked car and our Daughters'
left knee hit the back of a parked car. Her leg was half torn off,
she had multiple pelvic fractures, she had multiple leg fractures.
One week after the accident she developed gangrene that spread
through her abdomen etc. Her name was Amanda, she was Intellectually
Disabled (mental age of a 3 - 7 year old) The person who took her on
his Motor Cycle was one of her Carers in the Community Residential
Home where she was living at the time.
She died 3 weeks later.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
My belief in God and the support of my Parents'.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
My Husbands' inability to accept our Daughters' dying and death.
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Mon Jun 17 07:57:36 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: 70ish.
--Details:
had ahd several sgtrokes before. Was not well
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
what comes after life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went to bed
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
going to bed
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it will happen inevitably someday
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she gave me sweets
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
going to bed
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being allowed to go to the funeral
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them even if they can't talk back. Tell them that you
love them
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cried very little
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i cried
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't cry
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
i didn't really know her
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
no one talked to me because i didn't know her
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Sun Jun 16 23:32:46 2002
F54 in =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 18 Months ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 93.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life in this world
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone would miss them
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's just another step in our developement
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
at my mother-in-law's funeral the priest described death as very
much like birth the baby is frightened to come into this world just
as we are frightened to leave it
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I continued to talk to them in prayers, I just asked God to pass
the messages on, probably silly, but it helped me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I wasn't there when my father died, I'd like to have been
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them, though I myself find this very hard to do
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the support people (nurses) continued to behave as though a recovery
was possible when they knew it wasn't
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that when death is certain doctors lose interest
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
total confusion as to why they tell the person to keep moving and
eating when they don't want to anymore
--Religious Affiliation:
protestant with some exploration into the Mormon, Unitarian and
American Indian religions
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I personally think all religions are worshiping the same spirit
that everyone is going to the same place at death
--Regarding MONEY:
My parents had already paid for both their funerals, the only thing
we bought was the flowers so money played no part
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The tears came later not when the death took place but when people
tried to comfort me
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
they stop eating or at least they eat only when it's pushed on them,
they seem to drift away at times
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my mother kept thinking people were in the room who weren't there,
but she never said who they were, also she heard what she called
a house full of people she even came into the living room to see
who they were when she was barely able to walk
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No issues
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I even sent this dream to a dream expert and he said it was my
mother trying to say she was fine and quite happy where she was.
In the dream I had gone to where she was. She was in a small
cottage, everything was white, walls, furniture, curtains, her hair,
her dress. She was sitting at the kitchen table (this was her normal
place to sit in life), the windows were up and a breeze was blowing
the curtains, I could see out the windows it was very colorful with
flowers, trees, grass. She was much younger than when she died but
without the dark brown hair she had at that age. She only said this-
I've been here before and I want to stay.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd be sad to have to leave everyone, but I think I could deal with
it fairly well
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Just the messages that I continue to ask God to pass on I've done
this since the death of my mother-in-law in 1988.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes it has been useful. It somehow made me realize it isn't that
scary it is something all people must do one day.
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Sun Jun 16 20:42:53 2002
F39 in Chicago, Illinois = ?? =
Name: Kathy Murphy
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Accounting
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More personal info:
post it if at all possible
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
again.. just begining to search
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer of the lung; Aged: .
--Details:
He was sick for a long time and towards his last few days even
tho my selfishness right now overides my clear thoughts, I am able
to say that my Higher Power gave me the oportunity to share some
special moments, thoughts, and even touchy moments with my dad in
which I'm very greatful for.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is as we all know it as a part of life. It's something no one
can ever escape from. I think our selfishness has alot to do with how
we cope with it. Letting go of someone we admire, love and cherish
is the most difficult task we all encounter one day in our life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
My grandmother died when I was20. Some how that night before she
died, that inner voice that I have had said she was to die but the
thought scared me so that I told myself that it was not possible. But
later on that evening, the most impossible happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
My first experience was with my grandmother at the age of 20. Just
recently on May 6 2002 my father died while I was holding his
hand. Back when my grandmother died cause I was young and thought
I had all the answers I was so very afraid of death. I think in
some way I still am.My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer
and had a week to six months to live. Even tho he was sick for so
long, he always seemed to manage to pull out and get better until
April 11th.I had to stay strong, not only for him but for my mom
and my brother. I just couldn't loose it!!! I held up for everyone
at the time but now it's my time alone to greive and I feel like
I'm having a nervous breakdown. It's so hard to comprehend that
I will never hear his voice again and have that security blanket
that I some how always relied on.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I had to be strong for my brother and my mother, infact my brother
has a hard time showing emotion and he made it clear that I could'nt
"lose it". Well, I did'nt and I went through the wake and funeral
holding my own in a numb state, but now that I'm alone I'm finding
it very hard to cope with everyday life's simple tasks. Nothing
is good, pretty, great, and lovely to me. I feel like my life is a
piece of paper torn into confetti and thrown up in the air. I feel
totally lost and now my relationship with the man that loves me is
in a complete mess. He's is lost with me as I am of myself.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
I was raised a Catholic, but no religion or culture can change your
heart or soul
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I am most greatful of having the opportunity of sharing some special
moments with my dad at his last. Not too many people have been
blessed with that
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I'm not dealing with this real well right now, tho I'm searching
for some help
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My security blanket is all gone. What do I do now??????? I feel
so alone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make them the most comfortable as you can and let your loved one know
that everything will be ok. Try and put "YOUR" feelings aside.It's
all about them at that point
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
It's the most painful experience that I ever had to encounter. Seek
help because it will be needed
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My father was told he had a week to six months to live
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never had the urge to really laugh. Just stay strong, like building
that never breaking wall
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
maybe be a better daughter when going through my teen age years. I
sure did help my father turn gray
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
care for him and make him comfortable
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was able to maintain and care for my father's every need
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money for his funeral. I wanted him to exit with utmost class
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I've been numbing myself for over a month now, and no where near
healed but trying to heal. Everytime I really let myslef and my
mind think about this I feel like I'm going crazy
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dream that I can call him up and just say hi. Just that comfort
of him being there to answer the phone would be enough. Although
in this life he was suffering and if we could talk for one last
time I believe he would tell me he's at peace
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
No.. I'ts not fair at all but that's our selfishness for the person
we love. We don't want to let go. When you let go you may never
see again. Who wants that??
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Scream,run,punch, and of course all I do is cry. None of it is
doing any good
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
lost.... and still am
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical view in my eyes just simply SUCKS!!!!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
We had home hospice for my father and I have to say it was a very
cold experience for me and my family. The nurse was very cold and
really did'nt give my father much attention. It was his family that
walked him through
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Looking up and realizing my Higher Power, even tho "WE" had some
issues I knew he would'nt put anything in my life that I could'nt
handle
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic religion
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Just believe in a Power greater
--Regarding MONEY:
Our mother was scared but my brother and I made sure she was
secure
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
He was loved by alot of people. He will be greatly missed by all
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
On the mornign he had died, I walked him to his final ride which
was the hearse, and went into the car to play a certain song. While
I cried so intense, I felt my father's arms around me saying "
It's ok, I'm fine".
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
lack of eating, drinking and restlessness towards the end. The
final stage would be a glossy stare with no response at all.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Hang on!!!! It's not at all easy. Be prepared to ride the wave
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
nothing like that happened although at one point he woke us all up
and wanted to go somewhere. Where? He didn't say
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Dad and I shared alot in his last. Nothing went unresolved
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to know that he is very comfortable and he's happy
within the light. Iwould also ask why he hasn't come to me in a
dream or acknowledged me at all. He did promise
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother did come to me several times. When I cared for my
father we did touch base on him coming down and giving me some sort
of signal. Something for me to hold on to. He promised he would
but so far nothing. Now I question myself thinking I've made him
angry. I just ask him everyday for some signal.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
try and make the dying wishes as possible as you can, but don't put
your wishes aside. Comply with theirs if possible but don't forget
about yours as well
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be very scared but hoping to see my loved ones that have
passed in some other place
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Time I suppose heals all.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
My life will never be the same again. The most important man in
my life is now forever gone
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No one new has entered my life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
nothing really helped me. I'm here seaching
fear of death, denial of death, not accepting death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just talk
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Sun Jun 16 13:14:35 2002
F49 in Sundown, Texas =us=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: long term illness; Aged: 68.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
unknown,perhaps with lots of space or a place with alot of light
may-be even very quite.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand what was heppening.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
time spent together
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
learning to let go
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Sun Jun 16 07:49:27 2002
F29 in Bradenton, Fl =Usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Through a link
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Prof/Studies: Student, psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
A time that your life ends "From dust we are to dust we will return"
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
The death of my grandfather (10yrs old)
--That first time, how it happened was
He was eating and then stopped talk--suddenly, he was sick for
along time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The way I was told the night he died
--What I think my (Usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The reality of death
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That he no longer has to suffer. He is better off. The man
suffered for a long time. I read a letter that made me feel better.
It helped me to understand what he was going through.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friend Margret.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That he will not be around to share in my accomplishems, that I
know he would be most proud of. Like this project I am working on.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Always listen becuase you never know what the person is really
feeling. I never turned away from him even when he was wrong in
the way he coped.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
How much it can hurt when you loose someone close and how to just
accecpt. How to hold my memories dear.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He died so suddenly, he was doing well after surgery.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Na
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell how much of a positive impact he had on me and to tell him
how brave I thought he was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See him before he left to go to surgery. The last time I saw him
was very special to me. he let me know how he really felt.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I left a rose near his heart. And held his hand.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Na
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Simply that he is not here to see me suceed in college he would be
very proud.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Would our realionship gotten closer. he begged me to see him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That he had to be soooooo sick. He was not very old.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Try not to think about it. I have accepted it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I fell to my knees and cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did their best and went as long as they could to uphold
his wishes.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Alot. I know that I will see him again that keeps me going.
It has made me question my standing with god. I firmly believe
that he will be back.
--Religious Affiliation:
Jehovah's writtness
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
nothing
--Regarding MONEY:
na
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
very complelling very good.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Touch him when he was dead.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
He dreamed about it, and he told me he felt like he was going to die.
He said he just knew. I think he knew he would never see me agian.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
able to talk out my feelings to my friends, I went throug the angry
stage but now I have accepted it. And I go on.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
has not had one.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
won't discuss.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
We resolved all of them before he died. I am comfortable with that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Would not
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
That he was sick
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I am right with god.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Nope. My dear best friend still is there.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to his sister. I help her.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was good.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
nope
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Sun Jun 16 01:30:01 2002
F16 in Chicago, Illinois =USA=
Name: Christina
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
She died quickly and some what accidently but was on the verge anyway
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
An after life where we meet those who we have lost before. It is
a utopia and perceptions of the after life vary person to person
because everyone has a different visoin of the perfect place. THere
is no pain or sorrow, just happieness!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried and talked to my best friend.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the bond my family had at the funeral
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a normal occurance in life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i still have the memories
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My FRIENDS! also my pets and my family somewhat. Pictues and movies
as well!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to be with that person again. Not being able to
tell them things that you meant to tell them. Not being able to be
with them!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i have no idea what this means! but i think that a person should
be there to let the dying person know that they are loved and that
some one cares. Also tell them how good they were and how they can
go and how much they are loved
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it teaches you to think about your life and where it is going and
how we only have so long until we are gone
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i have no idea
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing helps. it makes u forget for a time and that is good
i suppose
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her i loved her and had told her that she was the best person
i ever had known! i just wish i hadn't taken her for granted.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the memories and at least have many good ones since we were
so close
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i look at a picture or think or a happy time or go back to where
she lived or almost anything in life!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think this at times
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i can't be with her anymore! that she won't be here for
me anymore!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die and be with her! i get jealous that she is dead and i am
not there!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was upset and angry because i never got to say goodbye and say i
love you!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
it was ok! they did as good as they could! hospice was better!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were great! they treated her soo well!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not to much! i know she believed so i attempt
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
coldness,tiredness,i have no idea things such as that
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
1) anger 2) sadness 3)regret 4)jealousy 5)ultimate sadness as life
goes on 4) happienss for her as she begins her new life
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
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Sat Jun 15 14:35:55 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
yahoo.com
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sylvia Browne
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 10.
--Details:
Had to be put down
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--Death Is:
Either falling asleep forever, going away for a second and then
coming back as something else without really realizing it, or going
into an eternal hell or paradise
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really think about it because the person was not very close
to me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
hearing my dad on the phone and knowing that he was crying (which
he has never done before in front of me at least)
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that is isn't as black and white as some people think it is.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know that I want a closed casket when I die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
probabaly talking to my family and just reflecting on it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emptiness in the house
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to them I guess?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him again
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
Didn't really affect me . . . hardly knew my grandpa
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Sat Jun 15 09:37:59 2002
F22 in Mount Arlington, NJ =USA=
Name: Dina Ely
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!
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Prof/Studies: Sales, at the moment; freelance game design, marketing & PR;
volunteer positions for groups having to do with death, and burial
ground preservation
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death & Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Myocardial Infarction (Massive); Aged: 45.
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--Death Is:
a transformation. A change from this world to the next.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
raged at my mother for crying about it. I told her, how dare
she? Didn't she know he wasn't sick anymore? He wasn't old and frail
anymore? Didn't she know he was in his mother's arms again? I was
5. I shouldn't have tried to stifle her need to grieve, but I had
a profound knowledge of and acceptance of the fact that we move
on to a better existence. I don't know where I got this concept,
I must've been born with it. At age 15, 10 years later, I entered
into the religious service of Hades, god of Death. Been a pretty
darned big part of my life ever since.
--That first time, how it happened was
As early as I can remember, my mom's beloved Aunt and Uncles began
to die. Also lost my father when I was 8. I've been blessed with a
"sixth sense" and was able to see and converse with the dead quite
plainly as a child. It has mellowed somewhat but the ability is
still there.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Knowing the death prior to it occurring. My father died at 1am and
I didn't get the call until 6am. I was sleeping in my mother's bed
and when the phone rang, I said, "It's Daddy. Daddy's dead."
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Look more seriously at some of the Eastern beliefs on death and
dying. STOP putting any taboos whatsoever on how people grieve. It's
a uniquely personal, subjective thing. Also, we really should go
back to the way people mourned in the Victorian age, it was the
most healthy period for death and dying in Western history...in
my opinion.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Finding my patron lord, Hades. I could never see death as gift-less,
now that I know him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nothing. I didn't properly grieve for my father for 5 full years. I
can tell you what DID NOT help, being forced into therapy as a child
(by my school, NOT by my mom) because my teachers thought it was
"abnormal" for me not to be crying every day.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Closure. It's hard to obtain. Even harder to keep. Especially when I
know my loved ones are just beyond the veil. It makes me impatient
to get a chance to see them again! (Not eager for death, mind you,
just impatient waiting to reunite someday. In my own time.)
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Exactly as it's stated. Be there. Not in an obtrusive way, just in
a comforting way. An arm's length away, so to speak, so that your
friend can reach out when he or she is ready.
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Cannot possibly begin to describe all the things I've learned in my
life from my first death experience (when I was roughly a year old,
and yes I do remember that far back!) to the present.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
People projected their own ideas about grief and mourning onto
me. Still happens.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
To a child being forced to mourn in any one way is absurd. It is
absurd for an adult to, but especially so for a child. I remember
getting flowers and fruit baskets from virtually everyone I know. I
thought it was like Christmas.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See my father's memorial service. It was held over 3k miles away
and it wasn't possible for me to attend.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have, and continue to have, contact with my father in my dreams.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Nothing about death has ever been, is, or ever will be, just "small".
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Keeping up appearances in the whole grief and mourning process. Throw
yourself down on the coffin, keen, beat your breast, or if you don't
want to cry, don't cry. Do what feels good, what works for you,
and anyone who judges you, be damned.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When I get to missing my father I always cry wishing that he could
hold me one last time, or that we could sit down and have one last
conversation, adult to adult.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Of course I think this way sometimes, but what's the point?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I never had the "it's not fair" thought. I don't think that way,
99% of the time. It's not in my make-up.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
thin the veil 'tween this world and the next more successfully. I
dabble in Necromancy enough to receive clear messages from complete
strangers, for their loved ones, but not well enough yet to get
messages from my own.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
To cry. But not in despair, simply in the pain of losing him or
her--temporarily. We'll all be together someday.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
If you find good doctors, they are angels. If you don't, they are
worse than useless.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Not applicable for my father, but I've watched other family
members die of terminal illness. It's not easy, but I never give up
hope. One of the reasons I am against physician-assisted suicide,
but I think that it shouldn't be illegal--people should have the
choice. I would never make it, myself.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Little. I am still a Catholic, but I no longer attend, and in fact
I am a Hellenic pagan polytheist. I simply consider my gods akin to
the RC Saints, not unlike the relationship between Iwa and Saints
in Vodou.
--Religious Affiliation:
Hellenic (Greek) polytheist, serving comfortably in the patronage
of Hades, god of Death. Will become his priestess someday, when
I've completed the necessary tasks and growth.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Death is the common fate for mankind. Racism, hatred, etc. all seem a
bit ridiculous to me when I stop to consider we're all born the same
way, and we are all dying, day by day. Can we REALLY be so different,
race to culture to creed, when we are all "in the same boat"?
--Regarding MONEY:
My father's wife at the time of his death was horribly suspect with
the finances, including attempting to swindle my grandparents out
of money they really couldn't spare.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Every funeral I've been to has been different. I really can't
say. Sadness seems to be the obvious tone to them.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Being adopted by Hades usually strikes people weird enough.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Steps along the "5 stages of dying", really. This applies to any
change in life, but most profoundly, to death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Same as above, as the 5 stages apply to grief too. Most importantly,
let them grieve however they will. Don't get in the way.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Death-Bed-Visions have never been anything my family talks about,
though I am well aware of their existence and actually thankful that
Thanatos (Angel of Death) comes to us in those guises. Imagine how
unsettling it'd be if he came with a robe and sickle?
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I do believe in NDEs, though I have never had one myself.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
As far as my father goes, I don't think there's much to be
resolved. I was a child, he was good to me. Had he died when I
reached adulthood maybe we'd have accumulated more "baggage" along
the way, as parents and children do.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It wouldn't. I prefer to be clear about it. Grief is a sharp,
stinging thing. But it's such an important part of the human
experience, to dull it would be to deprive myself of this incredibly
natural, healing thing.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My father comes in dreams. Other dead people just *come*. I seem
to attract them like a magnet. If you take photographs of me with
a digital camera, you'll almost always have paranormal phenomena in
the photo as well. Including full-body manifestations of transparent,
ghostly beings.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I plan to have all my arrangements made prior to, gods willing that
I should live long enough.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sure. I have had, and continue to have, an informal will drafted. I
try to say "I love you" to those I do every time I can, because
you just never know. I'm not afraid to die, I know my place in this
world and I know my place in the next.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Speaking with my loved ones in private, at my altar, tends to
help. Even if they don't talk back, just getting things off my
chest is very peaceful.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Does my patron god count? If so, absolutely.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Absolutely RIDICULOUS and in my opinion bordering on criminal that
we are not permitted, socially, to grieve in our own unique way,
because we must "keep up appearances".
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
One of the things I'll be doing in the future is working as a
funeral director to better aide the mourning. Meanwhile I have
support communities and forums that I've created, for people to
discuss death openly and freely.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Thorough questionnaire!
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Thu Jun 13 07:35:58 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: plane crash; Aged: 70.
--Details:
It ws an aaunt, grandmother, and uncle
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Wed Jun 12 20:26:37 2002
F32 in Port Charlotte, Florida =USA=
Email: <last2-cu=at=comcast.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searching for thantology sites
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Prof/Studies: Funeral Director/Embalmer
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross; Doug Manning; Alan Wolfelt
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: colon cancer; Aged: 52.
--Details:
My mother did not go to the doctor when she had rectal bleeding,
she just felt they were hemroids, and was too embarressed to have
the exam done. By the time the bleeding had become unbearable,
it was too late, she had large cancer polps thru out her colon,
treatment helped for approx 5 years before there was no more hope
for remission.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our physical body stops living, life functions stop and the
body decays, the spirit of the deceased lives on, in heaven with
Christ, or another realm, according to that persons belief system.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 8 years old, my cousin died from a brain anuyrism.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling completely abandened by my Mother, like a lost child at
the mall, even tho I was 26 years old
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
N/A
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My Mothers death has brought me to a higher level of spirituality,
of compassion towards myself and others, and closer to Christ
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Personal prayer, and learning more about my faith
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing I would never have the physical presence of my Mom,
to see her face, or hear her voice.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to remember that the person can hear you clearly even if their
not responsive. Use that knowledge to help the dying person to let
go, to be peaceful, say your feelings towards them, express love,
sorrow, apologies etc
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that life doesnt go my way, that God leads by the hand
like a child dispite our age.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
helping my small children understand and except their Na-Na's death
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that didnt happen to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have spent more time with her closer towards the end, before she
moved into Hospice House.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
handle the final disposition of my Mother. I am a funeral director
and my co-workers gave me tremendous strength to manage the services
and cremation
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
holidays or life milestones occur and she is not present with me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be very close to my parents, I would spend more quality
time with them, laugh more often, forgive easy and just enjoy
time together...let chores or projects slide and go to the beach,
or walk in the woods etc
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was present at the Hospice House as my Mother died, my "jolt" of
reality was a moment of panic not to let her go..my head screamed
call 911!! What are we doing watching her leave us! Get the crash
cart, the doctor, anything..just please help me!! But of course
this awful moment of panic passed as reality struck back at me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of trust...I dont like how your Dr holds your future in his
hands, if he's sleepy or sick when examining your brain scan or MRI
and doesnt notice those small pin size spots, or the leaky vessel etc
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
amazing...I have never know such compassionate caring people. People
who go beyond the call of duty to ease a persons suffering, whether
that be the dying person, or the loved one
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot, my church family and my pastor were very supportive and kind.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding MONEY:
My fathers savings was depleted due to my mothers medical bills
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was very healing for me. Having all our friends and family present
made me feel loved and cared for and showed respect for my Mother
and the life she lived.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
witnessing and participating in my mothers cremation. It felt surreal
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
severe weight loss, lack of interest in the things they loved doing
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
crying and physical activity helped to let my building stress/
tensions out
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have not experianced this, there are momemts when I think she
may be watching over me, but only in feeling, nothing more.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
exiting anastisia during a major surgery, I dreamed of waking up
in a vast grassy field, my deceased dog licked my face to wake me,
and I saw my Mother walking towards me from a distance yelling No,
you go back, Debra! saying my name over and over, but it was a
nurse saying my name, telling me to wake up. I interpreted it as
a waking up dream.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
None
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing my feeling and thought in a journal
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have continued with the journal
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I'm a Christian, and view death as the doorway to eternal life
with Christ
I've never been frightened or upset with death, sorry to lose my
loved one, but understand its a part of life.
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Wed Jun 12 19:57:14 2002
F26 in Lubbock, Texas =United States=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Professor, requirement for class.
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Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
usually a sad experience, depending on culture. If it sudden and
happens to a persons child, close spouse or parent some people take
a long time to deal with the death and many times end up putting
their life on hold. However, most people use time and other people
around them to help them deal with death and those who are religious
usually find comfort in their church.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 12 and I already explained this at the beginning and you probably
don't need to read it again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how comforting my parents were.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not much. I do think that there are circumstances where people do
not go on with their own life after death, however, most handle it
pretty well.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I still have people close to me that are still alive and well.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my parents.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it was sad that I would never see that person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
if you were dying, what would you want?
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I cannot answer this question very well because since my grandfather
died when I was 12, I have only knowned three others in my life,
who were not as close to me as my grandfather to die. I guess I
would have to say that I have learned how strong I am.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why I had a 14 cheerleader of mine die from cancer.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it didn't happen to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see some of the people before they died. Gone to my Godfather's
funeral.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know them in my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the students who barely knew the cheerleading I lost, came to
her funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
praying that they will go to heaven.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
it get more teary eyed thinking about my parents, siblings or
fiancee dying than thinking about the past people I have lost.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i don't think about that often.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
because my cheerleader had cancer so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I'm good.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did their best.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I didn't have contact with them.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a tradition, but not so much a strict way to live.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Because we all have a soul I do hope that there is some place where
we all go to be after our death, where we feel comfortable and happy.
--Regarding MONEY:
We were lucky in that the family helped with the funeral. and then
the belongings were divided among who wanted what.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
People who cared came.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Knowing if they went comfortably or in pain
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
deterioring health and most importantly no longer a care to live
life to the fullest.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
The support of my family has been what I need.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have not had any, however my mother said that her mom was visited
by her dad after he died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Nope
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't feel anything unresolved.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just to know that they are ok.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Just my grandmother, when her husband, my grandfather whom I never
met, died and came to visit her in the night to say that he was ok.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If I am brain dead, they need to pull the plugged. yes there is life,
but there is no need in living if the quality is not even enough
for the others around to feel as though I am still there in my mind.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sad, but with no regrets. I think that if I did have some time
before I would die I would like to travel and spend time with
my family.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Not that I can think of. Besides the Catholic ritual of lighting
a candle for them.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I just always try to live life to the fullest.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
nope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
My family and friends and being able to talk to them about it.
nothing really, I always felt that after time I would be able to
deal with the death.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have just tried to let others know that I am there for them
if needed.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it is good to think about these things so that they are
not as much as a shock when they do happen.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
not that I can think of right now.
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Wed Jun 12 15:03:20 2002
F22 in Lubbock, TX =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: gunshot wound; Aged: 8.
--Details:
They were playing "rambo" and my friend was shot in the head. The
boy who shot him was also 8 and afraid that he would get into trouble
so he hid the body in the alley. It took several hours to find him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your spirit leaves your body and goes to Heaven. No one will
see you after that anymore.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't completely understand. I was in shock until I got home from
school and then I became sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
The boy that sat next to me in the third grade was accidentaly shot
by another third grader while they were playing.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how sad my teacher was when she told my class. It was very hard
for his parents and everyone else's parents.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is okay to talk about how it makes you feel and that it is
okay to grieve the loss of a loved one.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my parents and teachers were so open with me about it and were
there for me and let me go to the funeral.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being able to tak to my parents about his death and being allowed
to be sad about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
understanding that I would never see him again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them say to you want they want - not just talk to the person
the whole time because you are uncomfortable or judge what they say.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
know that life is precious and you never know when you will
unexpectedly die.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I came to the realization that I would never see that friend again.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
she would want me to laugh and enjoy life even though she was gone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more quality time with my grandmother. She died so quickly
that no one was really ready for it.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there with her in the end so that she could have someone to talk
to .
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I got to hug another loved one of the dead friend just to let them
know I was there.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Being so obviously sad. I am usually past heavy mourning by the
time I go to the funeral and I can just sit there and think without
crying a lot.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I smell something or see something that reminds me of that loved
one and my memories of spending time with her are so real.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I can't even imagine - that is not the way life went so why even
dwell on it - death would only have come at a different time -
it still would have come.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that such a young child died.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get away from my sad thoughts.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was shocked - too shocked even to be sad for a while.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
compassion. They truely tried to make my grandmother well and when
they couldn't they made her comfortable.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
positive. They helped her feel comfortable.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I had someone who already knew my confusing thoughts and that I could
talk to without having to explain what I couldn't understand myself.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting. I don't have to feel sad about death because there is
a bigger picture.
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't really an issue - we had any easy time splitting
everything up.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the completely draining sadness that some people feel - you can
just see how much they loved that person.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
my ability to move on. I was really sad but at the same time realized
the importance of living my life still.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't know - she died so quickly too.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I allow myself to be really sad if I need to be but I also allow
myself to live and enjoy my own life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no awareness.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nope
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like them to know that I loved them.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
nope
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would like everyone to know that I am very happy in life and I
don't want them to be so sad about my death. I want my things to
go to family and freinds that would appreciate them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes I think about death and when I will die. I try not to
think about dying but about living instead.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just to pray or write down my feelings or talk to my parents
about it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still pray about friends and family that I have lost and I ask
God to tell them hello for me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have renewed contact with old friends because of the death of a
mutual friend.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just by being there for them if they needed to talk or if they
needed to cry or if they just didn't want to be alone.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has made me kind of sad - made me think aobut all the friends
and family I have lost and how sad my friends and family would be
if they lost me.
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Wed Jun 12 12:01:34 2002
F43 in Hutchinson, Ks. =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for information to assist me in the grief process after
losing my mother.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: pnumonia; Aged: 73.
--Details:
My mother had pnumonia at the beginning of May 2002, and went home
after five days in the hospital. Two days later she felt poorly, so I
suggested a trip to the doctor might be in order. She explained that
her doctors were both out of town, and that she would go when they
returned. As it turned out my stepfather took her to the emrgency
room on the 20th of May, and she died at 2:30am on May 22nd.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our body ceases to function.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was nine years old, and it was my father. It compares not to the
death of my mother just two weeks ago. He was there for nine years,
and because he was in the military he was gone on duty often. She
was with me my entire life, and I am 43.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mother's words, "Don't cry for me. I'm going to a better place,
and I'm ready." When I got to the hospital my mother's eyes were half
open and she was unresponsive. I know that she knew I was there,
and I know that she heard me when I leaned down and told her,
"I'm here mom. I love you."
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is not the quantity of life that matters most, but the
quality. We always want to prolong our life or that of a loved
one, but it's selfish. My mother was teid to the end of an oxygen
cord for three years unable to go outside of her home due to her
breathing problems. Because of tuberculosis when she was yound
she only had one lung. After her heart surgery she just couldn't
manage to do much. Seeing her live like that made it easier for
me to accept her death because no longer is she confined, bored,
hurting, or aching to do that which she used to do.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
After many hours of sitting with my mother as she was dying I decided
to take a break and go down to the hospital cafeteria to pick up
a sandwich. The nurse and I urged my stepdad to sit, holding my
mother's hand, and talk to her. When we all left the room, and it
was only the two of them there my mother took her last breath. I
believe that she wanted to share her final moments with him. It was
a blessing. In some ways I felt ashamed for leaving for those few
minutes, and wished I could turn back the clock, but in my heart
I know she waited for that particular moment. Maybe she knew that
I would not be strong enough to handle the moment of her passing
and wanted to spare me that pain. I just don't believe that it was
a coincidence.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
At this point, my mother's death being so recent, I have no idea
what gets me through each day. I'm not even certain if I'm actually
dealing with it yet, or if I'm still numb. Sometimes I think I've
turned it inward, and am simply going through the motions of everyday
life. Hmm...Something to think about!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know that it's ok to die. That you will be ok without them,
and as they go through the last hours touch and talk to them as
though they know everything you're saying and doing. The hearing
is the last thing to go, and although research hasn't determined
how much they hear or comprehend they DO hear you. It's ok to cry,
tell them you'll miss them, and that you'll never forget them,
but whatever you do let them know you will be ok. Remember they
are feeling the sorry of not ever seeing you again too.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Touched my mother's dead body. I never believed that I would be able
to, but I held her hand, stroked her hair, and sat beside her for
quite a while after she was gone. It seemed a natural thing to do,
and I was thankful that I did so.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This did not happen to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be there at the actual moment of her passing. I went down to get
a bite to eat in the hospital cafeteria, and although I was gone
only minutes, she passed away while I was out of the room.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Talk with my mother about her death months before she actually died,
and that several days before her death I was able to talk with
her once more and let her know that it was ok if she passed. That
although I'd miss her greatly I'd be ok. She told me that she would
miss me too, and that she loved me. I'll treasure that always.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That the last years of my mother's life weren't happily lived dur
to her health.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted in the room with her THAT instant. The nurses made me wait
until they unhooked all of the tubes, etc. When I did go in her
mouth was open, and although I reached out and tried to close it,
it would not stay shut. That really bothered me.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A great deal to my stepdad and mom. I am spiritual not religous,
so I am not connected to a church. I was glad that my parents church
responded so graciously however because my dad needed and continues
to need it.
--Religious Affiliation:
My current religious affiliation is none, but I have belonged to
both a Baptist and Nazarene denomination. At this particular time
in my life I am focusing more on the spiritual than I am organized
religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Completely comprehensible and correct.
--Regarding MONEY:
My brother is a selfish bastard who, after finding out there might be
an insurance policy in his name and mine, shared with my dad (after
the funeral) what he planned on doing with the money if and when he
got it. He already owes my parents thousands of dollars, and in my
opinion should be the last person with hand outstretched. Personally
I feel like this: I have no money now, and I get along just fine. How
would a few bucks make me feel better. I say, "cash it in and use
it dad."
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
That it was planned exactly as my mother hoped it would be. Although
I felt she deserved the best and most expensive of everything she
was a simple woman and wanted that reflected in things like choice
of coffin, announcements, and also a graveside service instead of
a church or funeral home one.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Feeling glad that she was actually dying. My unselfishness was due
to the love I felt for my mother. It was easy letting her go knowing
the suffering she endured the last few years of her life. I actually
remember smiling, looking at her with so much love in my heart,
and thinking how free she would finally be.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The person's need to reassure that they will be better off, physical
weakness, lack of interest in eating, breathing will become more
shallow, unresponsiveness, breathing becomes even more shallow ,
and at the end there will be long spaces between breaths. When that
happens death is only minutes away.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
anything goes. I try not to limit myself to only those emotions
or reactions which are "socially acceptable." If I fall apart in
the grocery store, oh well! If I'm angry and snap at someone, I
apologize later and go on. No one grieves in the same way. There will
be moments of loss, emptiness, physical pain, anger, frustration,
regret, and also, for those dealing with a person sick for a long
time, even feelings of relief.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother raised her head several times throughout the process,
as though she was aware of something or someone (even though she
was unresponsive), and I believe that she was seeing those she
loved coming to get her.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Three years ago my mom had heart surgery. While trying to recover
she almost died. After that event she spoke of seeing a pink light,
and she told us that it was so peaceful. She immediately asked that
in a future occurance she be DNR. Do not ressucitate. She welcomed
and waited for her dying day. She said that before the experience
she was afraid, but that she felt it was God's way of showing her
there was nothing to fear. When she did pass she was calm, quiet,
and seemed at peace. She layed there in the same position for hours
as her life came to a close. It seemed as though she was allowing
whatever she was going through to happen with no desire to resist it.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My mother and I had a wonderful relationship, and we discussed many
things. She knew where I stood on issues, what kind of person I was,
and how much I loved her. The only real issue left hanging, and I
can't even say it was left hanging was the issue of me being a gay. I
was married for 23 years, and even had that relationship lasted I
knew that I was not happy or living the life that I needed to live
to feel whole. My mother learned of my being gay about eight months
before she died, and we had discussed it. She told me her feelings,
and I told her mine, but the one thing we maintained was our love
and devotion to oone another. She knew that I would do as I chose no
matter what, and she loved me enough to understand that. Even though,
because of her religious beliefs she felt what I am doing is wrong,
she understood that my sexual orientation was and is only a small
part of who I am, and she loved me regardless.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
Or I should say lack of.
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Tue Jun 11 19:36:14 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 15 Years ago.
Aged: 59
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A stage of life. All people must die when their time is up.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
My father passed 15 years ago, then my brother passed 5 years ago.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The way I felt about the people who were left behind
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The feeling that person was no longer going to be with me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Tue Jun 11 10:46:43 2002
F Guest in lUBBOCK, TX =US=
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Prof/Studies: EDUCATION
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father-in-Law, Years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 88.
--Details:
I had a very hard time with this death because he and I were
very close. He had a very large family yet he chose to spend
time with me. I always felt good about myself with him.. He
also encouraged me to speak well and taught me how to speak better
spanish. My husband and I took that particular shift in the hospital
because we knew that his time was near. We were there when he left
and my husband would absolutely not put his dad down on the bed.
He held him even during the time the priest pronouced him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
I would have to say that it is a time when you leave your tired
body behind and your spirit lives on. Yes, it is a sad time but
also should be a time to reflect on what you have accomplished and
still want to accomplish.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was not sure how to explain death to my children. I think I said
he was sleeping with Jesus now.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Thinking that everyone acted like they were relieved that it
was over.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
In my culture we do not want to go to more modren time where we go
to the funweral home at stated times. We want to take our loved
one home for the three days prior to the funeral. This is being
seen less and less. We now pay daily "rent" to have our loved
one viewed at the funeral home.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
our realtionship. No one can take that away from me. We spent
countless hours together and shared so much. Those that lived to
complain about how "in the way" he was grieved more than I.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The novenario. This prayer time is scheduled for nine days after
the death. Everyone in the family spends this healing time together.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Hearing his voice
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Time is priceless. Old people have all the time in the world and
are sometimes lonely. Spend time with them.
--[My Father-in-Law's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it doesn't matter what others say or do--follow your heart.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
greedyness of worldly possessions
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that did not happen, I wanted silence
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
cook for him one more time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know a man of such great influence that held the title of head-
of the family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
family takes this time to "catch up" on family affairs
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i realize that this man will not have the same affect on my kids.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was 88, i knew that he would have to go someday
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him about my problems--he always had good answers
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
being afraid. My husband asked me to pray aloud which kept my mind
from being boggled.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did a fine job
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
service and dinner after
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like this should be a cross road only. Everyone will be happier
on the other side---we just don't know it yet.
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone wanted their part of the inheritance
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
an honor to have so many people to accompany the fa,mily
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am satisfied that I did all I could to make him happy
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
bROTHER PASSED OUT AND EXPERIENCED LIGHT AND PEOPLE MOTIONING HIM
TO COME.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
EVERYTHING RESOLVED
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
YOUR WILL NEEDS TO BE IN PLACE
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i WOULD CHOOSE MY CEMETARY PLOT, GET MY BUSINESS IN ORDER AND PUT
MY POSSESIONS IN MY CHILDREN'S NAMES.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
GROUP PRAYER TIME
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN "fAMILY" WE EAT TOGETHER, TALK TOGETHER,
LAUGH TOGETHER
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
I remember looking at the body and feeling sick, not sad. He had
fluid in the corners of his mouth.
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Mon Jun 10 10:14:54 2002
F25 in Rocky Point, New York =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
google...for a research paper and personal info
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Prof/Studies: Customer Service
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, Months ago.
Cause of Death: liver failure; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
losing someone extremely close to your heart.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 25 years old (my father)
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
absence of the person, his feelings and the way he lite up the room.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
...i have no idea
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the pulling together of my sisters, and mother..we have become
closer than ever and i think things happen for a reason and if he
died to make us closer than i'm okay with that
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to people who lost a parent suddenly.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
absence feeling...
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I've learned that life is too short and to take to bull by
horns...also not to wait till tomorrow.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we were at the hospital watching him lose the battle and ..
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
never...we talked about everything
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
still get through it day by day
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
$$$
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I want to pick up the phone and call him to shoot the breeze
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
thats a deep question.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he died so young...57
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
reneg on all my responsabilities for one day...work, husband,
being a mom, school....anything..for one day
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
taking one of his sweatshirts out of my car. something so simple
made me lose it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried very hard but dad didn't fight
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
luthern
--Regarding MONEY:
making sure dad's loose ends where paid but he retired w/alot so
no worries where there for my mom
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
flowers, friends, family
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
calling when he was already dead
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
yellowing eyes...stopping routine activities w/grandchildren.
drinking more..spending alot of money fast..(lavish vacations,
jewerly etc....)
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
talk, talk talk about the person as much as possible
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he has a star at night that blinks over my house
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I focus on the end result that i want. ie. degree, better job...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
My husband and sisters helped..also talking to others w.similar
situations
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Sun Jun 9 23:09:19 2002
M45 in Lubbock, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elisebeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer of the stomach; Aged: 55.
--Details:
He had several operations. Nothing helped. He slowly over the course
of a year wasted away to nothing and eventually died. I was not
there to support my Father in this time of need, due to alcohol and
drug abuse. I was asked to be a pallbearer. I did it, but I was not
clean and sober. I felt a great deal of shame about that. I started
my road to recovery the next year. I am now 9yrs, clean and sober.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our mortal existence on this earth and the beginning of
our spirtual life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried until I thought my eyes would bleed. I also had a thought; this
must be better for my grandfather, because he was in so much pain.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how my family helped each other to lessen the pain.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the importance of living one day at a time to the fullest. And
being grateful for every breath we are able to take.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the closness of my family in time of tragedy.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
learning there are stages of grief. That it is okay to grieve. It
helps with getting on with the business of living. Also, some time
of solitude helped me to get in touch with God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to say good-bye.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be present and in the moment. Touching and hugging is important
also.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to be there for him and his family. How I shared with
his family what he meant to me and what he had done for me and,
literally, hundreds of other people.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He seemed to be getting stronger, better. And then he passed away
after I left the hospital.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
he was a person who loved to make people laugh and I sort of was
honoring him.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him in the hospital.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say I love you, and he said, "I know you do. I love you."
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the formality, or somberness. People were hugging and laughing and
remembering stories.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the week before the annivesary of his death.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
On those occasions, there is no death or illness. Everyone is
healthy and there are no burdens.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbelief. I just was talking to him fifteen minutes before. Anger;
how could God allow this to happen.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Admiration and respect. They see death everyday. It has to effect a
person. Yet, 99% of the time they are caring and concerned, attentive
and polite, and genuinely helpful to those who are left behind.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't personally believe in organized religion. I believe
in the Spirit of the Universe. I believe some Religions teach
us to fear death. All God wants us to do Is accept Him as God,
have a relationship with Him, and to honor Him by honoring each
other. Because a part of Him is in us all.
--Religious Affiliation:
I've been type of protestant and Catholic Church. I am currently
a Methodist, but I study Eastern Philosophy also.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right on target.
--Regarding MONEY:
the expensiveness of having a funeral and being buried. It is
ridiculous.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it seemed like some episode on the Discovery Channel.The people from
the funeral home reminded me of vultures waiting for the elephant
heard to move on, so they could dispose of the body.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
a time of numbness to all that is going on. Almost, like everything
is in slow motion.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
solitude helped more than anything else. I used that time to get
angry with God and to make my peace with Him, again.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Yes. My father experienced this, during one of his by-pass
surgeries. He was clinically dead for a few minutes and the doctors
finally revived him. After he came home from the hospital, was
severly depressed.He told us of his experience;floating above the
operating table watching everything going on and being drawn to a
bright light, and then he remembers being back on the table. After
he recouped he began to attend church twice a week and eventually
became an elder at his church.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I had an experience with this when I was diagnosed with cancer,
CLL. I am okay with it now. I have recovered from my cancer, but
I appreciate life so muh more now.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I want to work as a counselor in Hospice. Because of the counselor
I met who had worked with my uncle.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
Knowing he had lived a very rich life and the times we spent
together.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
At such a young age, I started to fear my own death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Jun 9 20:37:11 2002
F15 in sydney, nsw =australia=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
typed in death test
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: being run over; Aged: 1.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you are no longer to live in this world
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried coz i missed them in my heart i couldn't bear not to see them
and talk to them
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i cried coz i hurt inside
--What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing i think the way we deal with it is just fine
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to see the person again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't be scared be strong and say what u need to say while they
are still alive so there will be no regrets
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
even though i cant physically see him i still love him with all my
heart and i think about him and pray that he went to a better place
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was told he was dead, how could this be
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
play with him one last time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
look after him previously
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't believe it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
reassurrance
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
it was a bit boring
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Sun Jun 9 16:05:54 2002
F17 in toronto, ontario =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student, daycare worker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer, strokes, diabetes, heart attack, bowel problems, etc;
Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone is nolonger with us. they go disappear and go away.
their souls are what remain around us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked, and in disbelief. i cried, obviously.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my dad falling to the ground and wailing. he couldn't stop crying.
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we can't control it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought our family closer together. we recalled on the good
times we each had with grama.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that it was okay to cry, and that my family (particulary
my aunt shannon, who is now dead as well)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
she was no longer there. i wouldn't see her anymore. we wouldn't
go out anymore. there was no more... nothing, gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they aren't in pain anymore
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
n/a
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was gone...
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when we would talk about the good times with grama
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to her alone privately.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
kiss her goodye, and that i kept a rose from her coffin.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that my aunt was there for me
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i imagine them dying
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
you can't think like that
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do they have to go now.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
n.a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
could never see her again... i didn't get to say goodbye.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not very good
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i never went
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
n/a
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
my granma is still watching over me.. her spirit surrounds us
--Regarding MONEY:
n/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone loved her
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i was happy that she died, because she wasn't in pain anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
less energy
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
n.a
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n.a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i wish that i had said goodbye to her and that i went to the hospital
and tha ti called her more
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would tell her that i love her and that i miss her.. i woudl
ask about grampa and my aunt... she would probably tell me that i
shouldn't wear baggy pants... she was hilarious.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
n/a
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i woudln't want to know when i was going to die
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
n/a
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not really... it just makes me miss her...
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
you have spelling airs and colloquialisms and wordy sentencing
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Sat Jun 8 19:41:40 2002
F44 in Peterborough, Ontario =Canada=
Email: <ljolly=at=nexicom.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I type in the word "grief" on Google
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Prof/Studies: Personal Support Worker
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Sorry, none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, June 2,2 002 Days ago.
Cause of Death: Massive Heart Attack (unexpected) no prior heart problems; Aged:
71.
--Details:
Mom died 6 days ago. She was admitted to hospital the Monday
before at 5:00 p.m. complaining of diarrhea, dizziness and a severe
throbbing deep in the back of her throat. They admitted her,
did a cardiogram and it showed only a slight change. Blood tests
revealed she DID NOT have a heart attack. Over the next several
hours, the throbbing pain in her throat moved down into the top
part of her chest then the pain spread to her left side and into
the back of her left shoulder. The scheduled an angio-gram for two
days later on Wednesday, but the machine broke down. Friday the
machine was fixed, they did two people and the machine broke again.
It was broken during the weekend and Mom had a massive heart attack
at 2:30 a.m. Sunday morning June 2nd. The hospital called my Dad
and my husband and I to come in.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life on this earth in the physcial form. The spirit
of the person leaves the physical body and floats to heaven to be
with God. You NEVER see that person again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 11 years old. My Grampa (on my Mom's side) passed away with
pneumonia, he was 80.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My Grampa's death. My Mom was very, very close to her father and
I remember her crying for day, months and years.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The length that it takes some people to grieve. Some people are like
"well, when you're dead your dead, life goes on, get over it".
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My Gramma's death in March of 1991. She was 92 and she knew she was
dying. She and I talked about it a couple of days before she died.
She told me she wasn't afraid to die that she'd had a good life and
was ready. She told me not to cry for her because she was 92 and
tired and ready to go. She had outlived her husband, a son and a
grandson (42 yrs old).
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Right now my Mom has only been gone 6 days and I'm grieving.
My brother left yesterday to go back to the Northwest Territories
and I miss him. It would have been helpful if he could have stayed
longer. My Dad is still living close by but says "get over it,
you're Mother wouldn't want you to be like this. She and I talked
about dying many times and we both believe when your time is up it's
up and life goes on". I would have like my brother and his wife to
stay longer, but I have my husband and two boys (9 and 11 years).
I think I'll grieve forever for my Mom. I still can't believe
she's gone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The hospital didn't phone me soon enough. Mom called the nurses
at 2:00 a.m. and then went unresponsive. They worked on her til
2:30 a.m. then called me. Mom spoke to the doctors very briefly
then went unresponsive again and I didn't get there until 2:45
a.m. they were again working on her but it was too late. I wanted
to be there to speak to her, to let her know I was with her, that
I loved her and so she would know she wasn't dying alone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Keep the lights on, soft music, don't whisper. Hold their hand,
tell them in a quiet soft voice how much they are loved and that
it is okay to go, that everyone will be alright.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize that life is uncertain. You can go at any minute on any
given day, so enjoy life each and every day and be thankful for
whatever you have, even if it isn't much.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My Mom's wishes specified no funeral, no service. That is very
very hard. I have no closure now.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was nerves. My brother was making a beautiful, sad speech at
the dinner table the evening after my Mom passed away and I busted
out almost laughing but managed to disguise it as a cough. I was
disgusted with my self, but I think it was nerves.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend that last night, all night at the hospital with her. When I
left her Saturday night at 7:00 p.m. I told her I would be back at
9:00 a.m. Sunday, but she didn't make it and passed away at 2:30 a.m.
How I wish I had of known somehow that that would be the last time
I saw her. I would have stayed all night with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her after she passed away in the hospital bed. I was able to
kiss her, tell her goodbye and that I loved her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I got to see her briefly in the hospital bed after she passed.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Nothing I can think of.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It';s only been 6 days for me, but I saved her driver's licence
picture, and other pictures of her. I'm wearing her rings and watch.
I kiss the watch and rings every morning.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
She and I would be sitting on a cloud in heaven, drinking tea and
playing rummikub.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she never had a heart problem or chest pain before. The hospital
led us to believe she would be okay. It's not fair that I wasn't
warned somehow so I could have said some things to her and then
stayed with her until she passed.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just see her one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't believe that my Mom was gone at 71 years of age. She had
NO PRIOR heart problems. She was here one minute and gone the next.
A total shock to everybody.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
neglect, lack of communication!!!!!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We believed but didn't attend church.
--Religious Affiliation:
United Church
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
don't know
--Regarding MONEY:
I could care less about money. Money is NOTHING without the person.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there was NO funeral and that's one of the hardest parts.
Mom wishes were no funeral, no service, just cremation. That is
very, very HARD.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it was an immense shock.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I'm a PSW (Personal Support Worker) and I'm very well aware of the
signs of impending death and Mom had NONE of them.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't have one.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My Gramma came back to me 3 months after she passed in March of 1991.
I was sleeping and could hear someone calling my name over and over.
I thought I was my own Mom because she was staying at my house
at the time. I remember subconsciously thinking why is my mother
calling me. I opened my eyes and saw white hair and at first thought
it was my Mom as she too had white hair. Then I tried to sit up
but I could'nt move. It was like something was holding me down
on the bed. I didn't actually feel any pressure holding my down,
I just could sit up. Then I realized it was my Gramma, she said
"Darlin, yes I can see you, it's wonderful, it's like I'm 23 again."
Then she was gone. An experience I'll never forget.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with my Mom. She and I were very very
close and loved each other a great deal. I phoned her EVERY MORNING
at 8:00 a.m. before I left for work and phone her the minute I
got home from work. She was a beautiful, caring, compassionate,
loving lady who was respected and admired by anyone who had the
privilge to get to know her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hug and hold my Mom in my arms and tell her how very much
I love her. How I was going to miss her and would ask she someone
bargain with God to let her stay a while longer with me. I would
ask her if she was happy.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
see above
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The dying person's wishes. I personally don't want to be put on
any type of life support.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die until by two boys (aged 9 and 11 yrs) are grown
up and have their own children, then I wouldn't mind dying so much.
I want to go fast. I don't want to get cancer or some other disease
and linger for months/years. I especially don't want to be in
pain, I'm afraid of pain. I wish it would work that my husband
and I could go together, I don't think I could live without him.
I want to live to see my grandchildren, or even just until my boys
are grown and married.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I'ts only been 6 days since Mom passed away. There was no funeral,
no service so I have no closure and don't know how to achieve that.
I'm thinking about going to a grief support group.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none yet, it's only 6 days since Mom passed.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
It's only been 6 days since Mom passed, but I wish someone would
come spend a day with me, hold me, let me cry, talk about her.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it was good to write some things down.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
None, you've done a great job!
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Thu Jun 6 17:56:31 2002
F40 in Garland, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to life as we know it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad that the person would not be around anymore.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Realizing that I could also die.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it should not be a frightening experience but a natural one.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Being able to say goodbye to my father before he died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Remembering good experiences.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing my father.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To help the person die in peace.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My father called me to come home becaues he did not have long
to live.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have said I love you before he died.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and regretted not having spent more time with him.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice was wonderful. My father was able to die at home.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe the spirit lives on.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The memorial service was a meaningful way to celebrate my fathers
life and to remember him.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Talking to family members and friends after the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of appetite. Loss of weight. Labored breathing. Skin color
ashen.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Saying goodbye is very important for closure.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This is probably most helpful for someone who has lost someone to
death more recently.
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Wed Jun 5 17:27:56 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
i have no idea i just rote in the address as a geuss
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 54.
--Details:
i wasnt there
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--Death Is:
when your body stops working...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
never got over it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Abandonment
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
the fact that peole thought i was ded and didnt do anythinga bout it
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Tue Jun 4 01:58:44 2002
M19 in Pittsburgh, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Prof/Studies: College Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Jesus Christ
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 9 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Surgical Complications; Aged: 75ish.
--Details:
She had breast cancer a few years back and managed to get through
it all. But she had a heart problem, and when they went inside
they saw more cancer. She died from the complications associated
with the heart surgery.e
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was very little and thought nothing of it.
--That first time, how it happened was
I remember 3 of my great grandparents' deaths. One died before I
was born. I was very young when they all died and I didn't really
understand it that well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my grandfather weeping at the funeral along with my relatives.
Even 9 months after he still cries when someone mentions her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Remembering that she lived her life and it was time for her to
leave and go to heaven.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to say goodbye.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That she was going to heaven, and that we should rejoice in the
occasion becuase she would have suffered so much going through the
cancer treatment therapy over again.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
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Sat Jun 1 09:11:08 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cystic fibrosis; Aged: 24.
--Details:
if happened a few months after a successful lung transplant and
while i was a patient in the hospital with her
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end. Your time is up. It is too late to fulfill any ambitions
or dreams. You will never see those whom you love ever again
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried. I was sad because I did not feel that a "afterlife" was in
anyway preferable to living
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock. Dispite knowing my friend was ill, she was young and
thus the very symbol of life
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how easy it can come to the young. Young people take their time on
earth for granted and put off dreams
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it gave me focus. My aims are for today and not for some vague time
in the future. I also value the "truth" more and always follow my
own beliefs
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reflection. For me, the answers were from within
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my ultimate powerlessness. I cant say when, where and how.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
holding their hand. Death is scarey and lonely and physical presence
is as important as emotionally being there
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Sat Jun 1 02:10:48 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Word searching 'grief' and 'dying' for tertiary assignment
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: vehicular accident; Aged: .
--Details:
Two vehicles were drag racing on a highway. They were coming towards
my friend's vehicle and one veered onto the wrong side of the road
and collided with my friend's car.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when life no longer exists for that person. The person stops eating,
drinking breathing and moving. The body slowly decomposes to a
mixture of fluid and gasses, until only bones remain.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt sad and angry becasue I had lost a friend. I did not really
understand the death itself, focussing on my own selfish needs.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my sense of a waste of a good life and unfairness.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to stop focussing on the negative aspects of death, and how
to feel happy about the memories we carry of the person when they
once lived.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
becoming better friends with the deceased wife.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
going for long walks in the sunshine.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
going to places that i would normally see the deceased and feeling
an emptiness within me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to talk the same to that person as you did before you knew they
were dying. To talk freely about their illness and their feelings.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
bring up things that i had said in the past that i was sorry about
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye and say sorry for some past events.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbelief
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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See May 02 contributions.
See Apr 02 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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