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See Current contributions.
See Jan 02 contributions.
See Dec 01 contributions.
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Sun Mar 31 16:26:32 2002
F23 in Houston, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
bored at work, searched yahoo, caught my attention.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown month-long illness; Aged: 54?.
--Details:
She got sick pretty quickly, but stayed sick for over a month.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the physical body stops functioning. It could be because of a
major injury, something could be physiologically wrong with the body,
or just because the body has become so old or so abused, emotionally
or physically, that the body becomes worn down, no longer usable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young 'un. My cousin died when I was about three. It was
ruled a suicide. My family believes it was an accident. I don't
remember much about it. I do remember hurting for my cousin's mom
(my great aunt).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
some regret...but relief at the same time. I always regretted
that I was not close to my aunt or the rest of my family. I had
been living with alot of anger inside. I felt relief because from
then it was a new beginning. Just because I had been living that
way doesn't mean that I had to continue to live that way.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not an end. It is a change, yes, but it is not The End.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a renewed sense of hope. I hoped that my family would pull together
and become closer and really appreciate a person instead of doing
it in retrospect. Even though the hope faded after a while,
it was there and even if my family didn't keep with it, I did and
appreciating and really loving the people near me has become such a
major part of my life. So, there ARE gifts in death. You must be
willing to learn from it. From it there is room for so much growth.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself. I made a decision to take comfort from the things around me
that felt right. The things around me that made sense. Whether it
was reading a story about what another family went through or hearing
and feeling what my best friend went through when BOTH her parents
died. It was reading the bible. It was listening to music. It was
stepping outside and really appreciating the ability to breathe.
It was having family not appreciate death that made ME appreciate it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that you can't see, touch, feel, or smile with that person
again for the rest of your physical life. You can't ever eat her
famous beef enchiladas again. It's the little things. Always the
little things.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to hold them. Just hold a dying person. Their hands, their head,
their whole. Once the physical passes, it's gone. Listen to them.
You'll never be able to hear their voice in person again. Look
into their eyes and feel the depth that is there. Feel all that
is there. Laugh with them. Remember with them. Listen to their
heartbeat. Let them know how much you love them and if necessary
make peace with them, not just for them but for yourself as well.
...If you do this while they are ALIVE and living, it's so much more
vibrant and beautiful. Then you give them the chance to really hold
it and appreciate it. You should do these things with the living,
then death can never cheat you of the opportunity.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned. E V E R Y T H I N G is a learning opportunity. Whether
it's death or life. Though the death of loved one may seem way
too impossible to muddle through the hurt or anger or sadness,
you must be open to all that it can teach you. That is one of the
BEST gifts you can give to that loved one.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people would let their pride keep them from saying the things
that they need to say or doing the things that they need to do.
Especially in death, but people do it all the times in life and
don't think twice about it. Sad, so so sad.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
some funny things happen in life. Appreciation of those moments
through death intensified the feelings of it. It became ten
times funnier. Same thing with other emotions, though. Love,
anger, grief. Intensified through death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have bonded more closely. I wish I had known then what I know now.
I know that she knew that I loved her, I just wish that IIIII had
told her more often.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be open to everything I was feeling and thinking. and that I was
able to relate it to everyday life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
at the hospital, when my aunt coded for the last time and the doctors
announced to our family (there was a whole load [about 25-30] of
us there) that they had done all that they could, afterwards, as
they were walking away, one of the doctors turned and said to our
family, "all of you being here, this is a really beautiful display
of love for her, just really beautiful."... Also, when we went
in to see her for the last time and her death finally hit, all I
could do was just cry and cry at her bedside and one of the nurses,
just walked over and held me and let me cry on her and that...that
was just awesome. I've learned compassion and sympathy from it.
In the end, it's about taking care of each other.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about the lack of appreciation that people have for those
around them until it's too late. When you see people dealing with
the "afterwords" and with all the guilt, that's hard because it seems
there's nothing you can do to take those feelings of guilt away.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
There'd definitely be more love. More vibe, a constant transfer
of love back and forth. It's absolutely beautiful. Each other
and all things.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
not everyone is born with the ability to really F E E L the emotions
that make up life. If they could, they'd be able to really have
compassion and understanding and they'd be able to appreciate and
truly love those around them. They'd able to deal with death by
appreciating life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
make EVERYONE understand!!! (myself included!!)
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just cried and cried. and I felt so hurt and sick and it was
though someone put a dagger in my chest and an axe in my head.
My words do the feelings no justice.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
appreciation and suprise. I was appreciative that they did give her
an extra month of "life". She coded 9 times in the end and brought
her back 8. They really worked to save her. It was almost though
they were fighting God. Surprise because there WERE doctors and
nurses who really did care, not just for the dying, but for the
living as well.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a set of rituals or beliefs that are meant to get you closer to
the God of your choosing.
--Religious Affiliation:
I'm Catholic sometimes. (an oxymoron of sorts)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right and it feels universal. In the end, there is one.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wanting to be alone right after hearing that she had passed.
That and I got physically sick and had to throw up.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I just know that she's okay. I just know that. God wouldn't let
her NOT be.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There are no issues. I know that in the ..."afterlife", they
can hear you and feel you, so, I know that she knows that I loved
her and that she influenced my life in so many ways. Well,
at least this is what I tell myself for comfort.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe that families should sit down WELL in advance of
any impending deaths or anything like that and actually have a
conversation about these sorts of things. One thing that I don't
understand is how so many people are SOOO afraid to talk about
death as if it's going to come to visit if you call it's name too
many times. My family and I have talked about each other's wishes
for when THAT time comes. We all know what types of flowers my mom
wants and we've kidded with my father about what type of headstone
we're gonna get for him. It helps everyone involved feel more
comfortable with it. My parents know that when that time comes,
their wishes will be respected and my siblings and I know that
when that time comes, we don't have to worry about what mom or dad
would have wanted. We can then focus on grieving and being with
each other.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel comfortable with death. We talk sometimes. There might be
a few things I should get in order first, but overall, I am not
afraid of death, but I believe that's because I've made alot of
peace with life.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Too many to name. I have such a changed outlook on life and towards
the people around me. I still go to her cemetery alone, though.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Since my attitude about life has changed, my friends have as well.
I now have friends that value life and loved ones the way that I do.
Friends that appreciate and do the little things.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
it was several things: music, the bible, other spiritual writings,
thinking and really analyzing death, sharing with others and hearing
about death from others who had been touched by it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
My family has this denial thing where they only come to realize and
appreciate the good in the people around them (especially who ever
the newly dead person is) until a funeral or until it's too late.
They fail to take advantage of the everyday to appreciate and
validate those around them.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I've been to alot of funerals and I wish that afterwards there was
some type of let's sit down and talk and get everything out in the
open session. I understand that maybe it's too soon for some people,
but I think it would definitely do more good than harm.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Death can affect some people so profoundly that it's a good idea for
them to be able to get help anyway possible, so this questionnaire
is definitely a good idea.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
some of the questions could be proposed a little more clearly.
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Sun Mar 31 15:15:59 2002
F47 in Greensboro , NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 99.
--Details:
She spent many years of declining health in a nursing home. She was
just miserible; everytime she saw me she wanted me to put her out
of her misery. It was rough on both of us.
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--Death Is:
the final moment we are together on earth, but just the beginning
of more to come.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
peered over a casket at a funeral home.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the colors and the scents of the funeral home; everyone talking in
hushed tones.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it puts people out of their misery and allows them to go on to a
better place!!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about with my sister who is very wise.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not seeing that person anymore in this world.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for those people right up to the last minute of their
lives doing whatever possible to make their time here a little
happier or more comfortable.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice was excellent; they had such a caring attitude at the
residential living center people went to for their last months.
I even began volunteering there because it was such a peaceful
environment.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything; your loved ones [who are saved] are going to heaven
and will be so happy in their next life.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm ready to go!! I feel strongly that God will take me whenever
he is ready for me and I should continue to work diligently in his
name while I'm here on earth.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Fri Mar 29 22:18:47 2002
F19 in Mebane, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Psychology class project about questionnaire
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Prof/Studies: Retail, nuring
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimers; Aged: 85.
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--Death Is:
when a person moves on from this wolrd and goes to a place where
they are happy and can always look down upon us. It is when we
lose a loved one.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was two young to remember really I wasn't able to go to the funeral
but my grandma I remembered finding her after she had passed on.
I was upset but I held myself together so I could be there for my
grandfather. He was in pain and I knew he needed me to be there
for him and I was. I did what I needed to do.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my fathers father and he passed away from cancer in his colon.
I was involved because it was my grandfather and he was leaving me
stuff in his will and he and I were very close.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I didn't cry but everyone around did.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That when a person dies from cancer the are better off afterwards
than when they were alive. When they were alive they were in more
pain then when they passed on.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I could remember all the good things and times I had with that
person instead of all the bad things that happened.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being able to finally see that things were better off. And that
those people were still with me because they are in my heart.
I can still here my grandfathers voice in my head telling me if
I am about to do something wrong. He is like that little telling
you not to do something.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing the body at the viewing. Seeing how beautiful that person
really was and how much that person meant to you.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just go visit and say your sorry for anything that might have kept
you and that person from talking. You know that person still mean
the world to you and you never know when it maybe to late to say
your sorry. They could already be gone.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Found out they never leave you there always watching and making
sure that your ok.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't know how to react and I just watched others.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I knew I was weeping for a person who was still alive through me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
find a cure for every person in the world.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have people who were going through the same thing to talk to.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Dreams take us away to what we may and then again maybe not but
either way I find myself thinking that things were this way for
reason.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Because we think it is only us that people have been taken from
and really it happens every day to people all over the world.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget about it all but we can't because if did that person memory
would die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried, cring is what everyone needs to do it helps people get over
or put behind the facts that the person they loved is gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the best they try to do all they can. They are just like us they
know what it is like to lose someone.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they took great care of my loved one and made sure they were as
comfortable as possible.
--Religious Affiliation:
Cristian
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
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Wed Mar 27 19:58:33 2002
F39 in Mebane, nc =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: nursing student/hospital employee
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: automobile accident; Aged: 60.
--Details:
Accident was not his fault. The fault of a 17 year old boy who ran
a red light.
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--Death Is:
When our physiological being is no longer viable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
coped fairly well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My father's death had a tremendous affect on me. I did not cope
well at all.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable for us all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to tell my dad I loved him. As I had done many times
before.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading every book I could get my hands on about grieving.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emptiness in my heart and the space in the physical world that
my father held. Knowing my children would no longer have the most
wonderful grandfather ever. I would no longer be able to call him
no matter what time of day or anywhere and If I needed him he would
be there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just stay close.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became a stronger person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The doctor said he would not leave the hospital. And he was
suffering.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stay at the hospital.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
not to remove the respirator. My father had spoken many times
of the horrible death of his sister with emphyzema. He said she
suffocated to death. I would not let this happen to him because I
knew his wishes.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
no autopsy. This seemed to be further mutilation in my book. No
respect for the deceased.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am still very emotional. I still miss my father more than words
could ever say.He was the greatest man I've ever known.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would go see him every day. I would tell him he was the greatest
man I've ever known. I would tell him if anything were to happen,
don't worry I'd take care of everything for him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was a good man, he gave unconditional love. He was going
to work minding his own business. He did not deserve this....
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
disappear.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very angry with the other driver I am still angry today. I
can't let this go. I know I need to forgive him but I've not yet
been able to do this.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did every thing they could do to make my father comfortable
and to save his life. They were great at Duke.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
we are supposed to go to heaven leaving our bodies in the grave.
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe there is a spirit in all of us. I believe dad's spirit
is always with me. I have to believe this to save my sanity.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were constantly at the attorney's office after the death trying to
get justice for daddy. Money played a huge role in that the young man
who hit my father has very wealthy,prestigious parents. They have
been financially and otherwise bailing him out of trouble. Money
shouldn't be able to buy your freedom if you are guilty.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the saddness, the family all around,old friends showing up.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
kissing my fathers head in the casket. He didn't feel like my dad
it was unreal.His skin was hard and cold.It looked like him but it
wasn't the man I remembered.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
irregular breathing sometimes skipping breaths
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It is still in process. Nobody grieves the same or is affected
the same. Don't let anybody tell you to just get over it. You
can't.Grieve at your own pace and grieve completely.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My father was on a respirator and in and out of consciousness I am
unaware of any visitations.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel very good about my relationship with my father. I just miss
him horribly.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love to tell my dad that his grandaughter is now in nursing
school and his grandson had been asked to play varsity baseball
at Greensboro college as a freshman. He would be proud of the
fact that I have went back to school to become a nurse. He would
get a huge kick about how all the little girls think his grandson
is so handsome. He was always extremely proud of them before he
would be glowing now. This would help me if I just thought he knew
these things.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had a horrible time dealing with this experience. Especially
the first 2 years afterward. I sufferd severe depression and
saddness.I was worried about where my father was not and if he was
okay. During these times in particular I would sometimes dream of
my father seeing him crystal clear.In these dreams he always had
a huge smile on his face, as if to say I'm okay and happy now. I
once dreamed that we were at a place and he went upon a hill to
build a house for us then we followed. I assume this is in some
connection to the bible's statement from jesus saying my father
has gone before me and prepared a place for me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A living will is something that everyone should have. I do not have
one yet. But I did ask my mother to fill one out because I am an
only child and I don't want those types of decisions hanging over
my head from now on.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of death. I would be more concerned about leaving
my children and family here grieving.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Prayed constantly
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No friendships but my son has grown into a 18 year old remake of
my father. He resembles him very much. He even has his big heart
and kindness. He even shines his shoes and combs his hair often
just like my father. It is a blessing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If my mother had been there for me more instead of me having to
take care of her too.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that anytime you need to deal with something like this
putting your thoughts on paper are healing.
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Fri Mar 29 01:07:35 2002
F19 in SUMMERVILLE, SC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: STUDENT
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
DON'T DIE MY LOVE, SIX MONTHS TO LIVE, TOO YOUNG TO DIE,
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
LURLENE MCDANIEL
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: CANCER; Aged: 65.
--Details:
I LOVED HIM AND WAS SADDENED BY HIS DEATH, BUT I FEEL THAT IT WOULD
HURT ME MORE NOW AS AN ADULT
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--Death Is:
THE END OF A LIFE FOREVER. WHEN SOMEONE DIES THEY SIMPLY CEASE
TO BE.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
WAS SAD, BUT I WAS YOUNG AND MY EMOTIONS WERE MUCH LESS COMPLEX
--That first time, how it happened was
MY GRANDFATHER DIED WHEN I WAS 9. WE WERE CLOSE, BUT IT AFFECTED
THE PEOPLE AROUND ME WORSE.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
MY MOM BEING SAD.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
THAT THERE COULD VERY POSSIBLY BE NO AFTERLIFE
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
SMALL SIGNS I HAVE SEEN NOW AND THEN THAT MIGHT INDICATE THE
DECEASED WATCHING OVER US. IT GIVES ME SOME HOPE THAT THERE IS
LIFE AFTER DEATH
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY FAMILY
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
HAVING TO ACCEPT MY VIEWS ON DEATH ONCE I HAD ESTABLISHED THEM
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
DON'T LET THEM SEE HOW SCARED YOU ARE; IT HELPS THEM BE STRONGER
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
LEARNED THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY IN HARD TIMES
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I FOUND OUT MY GRANDPA HAD BEEN CREMATED
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
GO IN AND SEE MY GRANDPA...I WAS TOO SCARED
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
HELP MY MOTHER COPE
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
THAT WE SPEND TODAY PREPARING FOR TOMOROW, BUT ALL OF THESE TOMOROWS
JUST LEAD TO THE END
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
LIVE FOREVER
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
SOMETHING TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BETTER ABOUT SOMETHING THEY CAN'T
CHANGE
--Religious Affiliation:
ATHIEST
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
THE LARGE AMOUNTS OF PEOPLE THERE TO SHOW RESPECT
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
WE WERE AT DINNER AFTER MY GRANDFATHER'S DEATH AND SOMEONE MADE
A SARCASTIC REMARK ABOUT HIM. AFTER DINNER, WE NOTICED THAT THE
CAR OF THE MAN WHO MADE THE REMARK HAD BEEN RAINED ON...BUT NOT
ANY OTHER CARS IN THE PARKING LOT.
MY GRANDMA ALSO SAW A BIRD
EVERY DAY AT HER WINDOW THAT SHE BELIEVED WAS MY GRANDPA
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I WANT TO BE KEPT ALIVE AS LONG AS IT'S POSSIBLE.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I AM TERRIFIED OF DYING B/C I BELIEVE THERE IS NOTHING BEYOND THAT.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
MY MOTHER BEGAN BELIEVING HER FATHER WAS STILL WITH US
SPIRITALLY...SHE TALKS TO HIM WHEN SHE'S AFRAID/CONFUSED; ALMOST
AS IF SHE PRAYS TO HIM
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
NOT FOR MYSELF, BUT I KNOW AFTER MY GRANDFATHER DIED MY MOTHER
BEGAN BELIEVING IN AN AFTERLIFE
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Mar 27 19:58:33 2002
F39 in Mebane, nc =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: nursing student/hospital employee
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: automobile accident; Aged: 60.
--Details:
Accident was not his fault. The fault of a 17 year old boy who ran
a red light.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our physiological being is no longer viable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
coped fairly well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My father's death had a tremendous affect on me. I did not cope
well at all.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable for us all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to tell my dad I loved him. As I had done many times
before.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading every book I could get my hands on about grieving.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emptiness in my heart and the space in the physical world that
my father held. Knowing my children would no longer have the most
wonderful grandfather ever. I would no longer be able to call him
no matter what time of day or anywhere and If I needed him he would
be there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just stay close.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became a stronger person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The doctor said he would not leave the hospital. And he was
suffering.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stay at the hospital.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
not to remove the respirator. My father had spoken many times
of the horrible death of his sister with emphyzema. He said she
suffocated to death. I would not let this happen to him because I
knew his wishes.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
no autopsy. This seemed to be further mutilation in my book. No
respect for the deceased.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am still very emotional. I still miss my father more than words
could ever say.He was the greatest man I've ever known.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would go see him every day. I would tell him he was the greatest
man I've ever known. I would tell him if anything were to happen,
don't worry I'd take care of everything for him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was a good man, he gave unconditional love. He was going
to work minding his own business. He did not deserve this....
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
disappear.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very angry with the other driver I am still angry today. I
can't let this go. I know I need to forgive him but I've not yet
been able to do this.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did every thing they could do to make my father comfortable
and to save his life. They were great at Duke.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
we are supposed to go to heaven leaving our bodies in the grave.
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe there is a spirit in all of us. I believe dad's spirit
is always with me. I have to believe this to save my sanity.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were constantly at the attorney's office after the death trying to
get justice for daddy. Money played a huge role in that the young man
who hit my father has very wealthy,prestigious parents. They have
been financially and otherwise bailing him out of trouble. Money
shouldn't be able to buy your freedom if you are guilty.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the saddness, the family all around,old friends showing up.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
kissing my fathers head in the casket. He didn't feel like my dad
it was unreal.His skin was hard and cold.It looked like him but it
wasn't the man I remembered.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
irregular breathing sometimes skipping breaths
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It is still in process. Nobody grieves the same or is affected
the same. Don't let anybody tell you to just get over it. You
can't.Grieve at your own pace and grieve completely.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My father was on a respirator and in and out of consciousness I am
unaware of any visitations.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel very good about my relationship with my father. I just miss
him horribly.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love to tell my dad that his grandaughter is now in nursing
school and his grandson had been asked to play varsity baseball
at Greensboro college as a freshman. He would be proud of the
fact that I have went back to school to become a nurse. He would
get a huge kick about how all the little girls think his grandson
is so handsome. He was always extremely proud of them before he
would be glowing now. This would help me if I just thought he knew
these things.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had a horrible time dealing with this experience. Especially
the first 2 years afterward. I sufferd severe depression and
saddness.I was worried about where my father was not and if he was
okay. During these times in particular I would sometimes dream of
my father seeing him crystal clear.In these dreams he always had
a huge smile on his face, as if to say I'm okay and happy now. I
once dreamed that we were at a place and he went upon a hill to
build a house for us then we followed. I assume this is in some
connection to the bible's statement from jesus saying my father
has gone before me and prepared a place for me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A living will is something that everyone should have. I do not have
one yet. But I did ask my mother to fill one out because I am an
only child and I don't want those types of decisions hanging over
my head from now on.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of death. I would be more concerned about leaving
my children and family here grieving.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Prayed constantly
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No friendships but my son has grown into a 18 year old remake of
my father. He resembles him very much. He even has his big heart
and kindness. He even shines his shoes and combs his hair often
just like my father. It is a blessing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If my mother had been there for me more instead of me having to
take care of her too.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that anytime you need to deal with something like this
putting your thoughts on paper are healing.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Mar 27 20:00:45 2002
F39 in Mebane, nc =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: nursing student/hospital employee
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: automobile accident; Aged: 60.
--Details:
Accident was not his fault. The fault of a 17 year old boy who ran
a red light.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our physiological being is no longer viable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
coped fairly well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My father's death had a tremendous affect on me. I did not cope
well at all.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable for us all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to tell my dad I loved him. As I had done many times
before.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading every book I could get my hands on about grieving.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emptiness in my heart and the space in the physical world that
my father held. Knowing my children would no longer have the most
wonderful grandfather ever. I would no longer be able to call him
no matter what time of day or anywhere and If I needed him he would
be there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just stay close.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became a stronger person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The doctor said he would not leave the hospital. And he was
suffering.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stay at the hospital.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
not to remove the respirator. My father had spoken many times
of the horrible death of his sister with emphyzema. He said she
suffocated to death. I would not let this happen to him because I
knew his wishes.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
no autopsy. This seemed to be further mutilation in my book. No
respect for the deceased.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am still very emotional. I still miss my father more than words
could ever say.He was the greatest man I've ever known.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would go see him every day. I would tell him he was the greatest
man I've ever known. I would tell him if anything were to happen,
don't worry I'd take care of everything for him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was a good man, he gave unconditional love. He was going
to work minding his own business. He did not deserve this....
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
disappear.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very angry with the other driver I am still angry today. I
can't let this go. I know I need to forgive him but I've not yet
been able to do this.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did every thing they could do to make my father comfortable
and to save his life. They were great at Duke.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
we are supposed to go to heaven leaving our bodies in the grave.
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe there is a spirit in all of us. I believe dad's spirit
is always with me. I have to believe this to save my sanity.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were constantly at the attorney's office after the death trying to
get justice for daddy. Money played a huge role in that the young man
who hit my father has very wealthy,prestigious parents. They have
been financially and otherwise bailing him out of trouble. Money
shouldn't be able to buy your freedom if you are guilty.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the saddness, the family all around,old friends showing up.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
kissing my fathers head in the casket. He didn't feel like my dad
it was unreal.His skin was hard and cold.It looked like him but it
wasn't the man I remembered.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
irregular breathing sometimes skipping breaths
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It is still in process. Nobody grieves the same or is affected
the same. Don't let anybody tell you to just get over it. You
can't.Grieve at your own pace and grieve completely.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My father was on a respirator and in and out of consciousness I am
unaware of any visitations.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel very good about my relationship with my father. I just miss
him horribly.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love to tell my dad that his grandaughter is now in nursing
school and his grandson had been asked to play varsity baseball
at Greensboro college as a freshman. He would be proud of the
fact that I have went back to school to become a nurse. He would
get a huge kick about how all the little girls think his grandson
is so handsome. He was always extremely proud of them before he
would be glowing now. This would help me if I just thought he knew
these things.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had a horrible time dealing with this experience. Especially
the first 2 years afterward. I sufferd severe depression and
saddness.I was worried about where my father was not and if he was
okay. During these times in particular I would sometimes dream of
my father seeing him crystal clear.In these dreams he always had
a huge smile on his face, as if to say I'm okay and happy now. I
once dreamed that we were at a place and he went upon a hill to
build a house for us then we followed. I assume this is in some
connection to the bible's statement from jesus saying my father
has gone before me and prepared a place for me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A living will is something that everyone should have. I do not have
one yet. But I did ask my mother to fill one out because I am an
only child and I don't want those types of decisions hanging over
my head from now on.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of death. I would be more concerned about leaving
my children and family here grieving.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Prayed constantly
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No friendships but my son has grown into a 18 year old remake of
my father. He resembles him very much. He even has his big heart
and kindness. He even shines his shoes and combs his hair often
just like my father. It is a blessing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If my mother had been there for me more instead of me having to
take care of her too.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that anytime you need to deal with something like this
putting your thoughts on paper are healing.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Mar 25 18:08:50 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
sherlock 2
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: CHF; Aged: 86.
--Details:
In a nursing home
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the mind has out grown the body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 14 years old, too young to fully understand
--That first time, how it happened was
I was watching the first Mork and mindy and my mom call from the
hospital to tell me my grandmother died, we were close
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mother, age 37 , felt robbed
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
there is no such thing as peritory
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
No bad feelings left unresolved
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Faith in god, and knowledge of medicine
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to say good-bye
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listening to there fears
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Don't drink and drive. And make sure your wishes are known and legal
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
does the person feel death is upon them, and are they scared
or releived
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is the best medicine
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just been there for them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her last time I was in that state
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
can't think of anything
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the casket, the flowers, the fake tears
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
no feelings like that
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would never have moved so far away
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
only when the death was not expected, and the person was very young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
It don't
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt relief for them.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of sympathy
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a common belief of god
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic past/ christian present
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
as long as you believe, he hears you
--Regarding MONEY:
I could have cared less
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was all pre-planned and it seemed to relieve the family of
some grief
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wondering if they were ready
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
reflection if they were a food person
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
The good times we had,the bad health they were in
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
don't know
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have been close to death 3X's. each time I was somehow 'saved' I
could feel something but could not see anything. Nobody understands
why I am still alive. I guess I am not finished here learning
and teaching
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
none
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just tell her thank you for taking such good care of me
when I was young, she made me a better person.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother came to my aunt the night my mother tried to commit
suicide
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It matters not to me what others think, but I hope my family does
not bury me and waste their money. Money is for the living not
the dead, have a wake and remember me the way they want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I never feared my own death, I feared the loss of my loved one,
the emptyness
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
In my younger days I would get drunk and leave my husband, claim
he did not make me happy. It was just I feared his death. Now I
have no fear of death
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
youth
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
none
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think I already knew.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Mar 25 11:48:05 2002
M33 in buffalo, NY =USA=
Name: J Bogdan
Email: <jboggs14222=at=yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Mental Health Counselor
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetan Book Of The Dead, Who Dies?, Dialogue With Death, Life Here
And Hereafter.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sogyal Rinpoche, Steven Levine, Eknath Easwaran, Swami Rama.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: .
--Details:
Very quick and peaceful departure.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transformation from the physical to the etheral.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered where the "person" went to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the suddeness of his departure and a feeling of being truly alone
in this world.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to expect and accept that death is simply a transformation.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that at the time of my father's death my siblings and I supported
each other, and we paid tribute to our father whole-heartedly.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief of reincarnation and other religious convictions.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the suddenness of the death as well as my level of covetousness
concerning my dad.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
state your feelings honestly .
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did, and still do, laugh whenever I think of the good times
between my father and I.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be present at the time of death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have had a wonderful relationship with dad at the time of his death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
so many people came to pay their last respects and I felt very
proud to have been an integral part of my father's life.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the expectation of outsiders that I must grieve for a long time.
I feel happy for dad.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of all of the sacrafices that he made for his family.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I really don't know what the other realms are like, but I am sure
that I will remember as soon as my time has come to leave this
current body.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
travel between the veils that seperate the living and the "dead".
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt a void in my life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
indiference.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything to my father and siblings. I am not a fan of dogma.
--Religious Affiliation:
Born Roman Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very likely to be true.
--Regarding MONEY:
it had no effect.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how wierd a dead body looks.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
a sudden feeling of independence upon hearing the news of my dad's
passing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
shallowness of breath, paleness, a general change in attitudes
and beliefs.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is essential that I look at the cleansing aspects of death in
order to comfort my soul.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I did not have any such experiences with my father but I did have
such experiences when my mother and cousin died. I had lucid dreams
which were very theraputic for me at the time.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am very pleased to say that there were no unresolved issues
between my dad and I.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
What happens at the moment of death?
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream of my cousin telling me that she was going away for a
while and she died that night. I also had a dream about my mother
in which she told me to get over it and that she was absolutely fine.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to be cremated. That is my only wish.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I just hope that I will feel satisfied with this incarnation at
the time of bodily death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I always offer my own suffering to God so that it may be converted
into productive energy. I also pray in the name of the deceased.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to honor the dead in my prayers.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not really.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I like to reach out to others, but I also appreciated support that
I recieved from friends and family.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is a good survey.
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Fri Mar 22 11:48:21 2002
M26 in burlington, nc =u.s.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: EMT
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More personal info:
Athiest
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 96 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimers; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Brain inactivity or heart stops beating. A purly physical accurance.
No more life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was too young o realize that his life was truly over.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was a faily member that had shot himself. he was a cousin of
mine that I looked up to. he was 7 years older thatn I. My first
funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mother crying over her lost mother. The fact that i was so sad,
but I never cried.
--What I think my (u.s.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing. thinkwe know everything that is needed.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my Grandmother one last time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that I would never see her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Treat them as though they had years left to live.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Save my 10 year old cousin from being starangled on a peice of
playground equiptment.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Never cried, just eventually felt better.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Fri Mar 22 09:04:32 2002
F31 in Elon, NC = ?? =
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 70's.
--Details:
I work at a nursing home and this person became very special to
me, she had heart problems for many years. until one day her heart
could not take it anymore. i was with her when she past away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when are bodies can no longer function. and are spirits go to the
spirit world with God.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had just started working at a nursing home. one of the residents
pasted away during my night shift.
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandfather died when i was about eleven years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying with her daughter when she arrived to see her mother for
the last time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that the person is no longer suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the most support for me was talking with co-workers about her. how
she loved flowers,and watching the birds at the feeder.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to talk to her anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to that person, hold that persons hand to let them know that
you are still there with them. no one likes to die alone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit more often and talk more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be the one to be with her when her daughter could not.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accept it now .
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical community had done every thing they could for this
person.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
people in religion allready have an idea what happens to a person
when they die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
i was to young to really know what was going on.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Fri Mar 22 08:59:10 2002
F19 in Graham, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
have do to questionnaire for a research paper for Developmental
Psychology
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Prof/Studies: Education
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandDaughter, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 62.
--Details:
It happened very quickly, she had cancer, took no chemo, and very
soon she died. It honestly was like a whirlwind
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life as we know it. For alot of people, death is the
end of pain, and struggling.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was young, and i don't really remember the first time
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I remember the day i first saw my grandmother in her coffin. She
had been in so much pain, and didn't look like herself. I remember
being so mad that she had to go. I cried like i've never cried
before..Then her sister hugged me..The only other really vivid
thing i remember is watching her sister as they closed the coffin,
how she just fell apart..It really is a terrifying experience.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death isn't a bad thing, it's a major part of life.. You live
than die..When you go into a hospital death is all around you,
but nobody likes to talk about it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I didn't dwell on that day..Yes it was hard getting over, and i
still miss her very much. But life goes on..She is a distant memory
in my mind, and i'm very grateful that all i do remember is the
good things about her..i was too young to realize the bad. Or if
i did i don't remember much about it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Having everyone i loved around me, knowing that they were going
through the same thing i was.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not understanding why she had to go then, why couldn't she have
been around to see me graduate from high school, to see her
great-grandbabies..To be there when i walked down the aisle..I
didn't feel like it was fair to me or her...
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't sit there and bawl and fall apart infront of them..
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealt with it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
WHen she choose not to take chemo..I knew then that she was ending
her life sooner than she had too...Some don't have a choice, but
others do, and she choose to die..Why?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Its your way of coping..Sometimes you have to laugh instead of
crying..Deep down your are torn up inside, but just soo tired
of crying...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To tell her i loved her more often..To say thankyou for all those
trips to the Richmond braves games over the fourth of july..To just
one more time go to pocohantas state park with her..
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend what time i did with her
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The flowers, the casket, where she was buried and what not, those
things don't matter...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When i think about all the time thats gone by..She's got another
grandson that she didn't get to meet. When Maegan got married and
she wasn't there..Irrelevant things that to most don't mean anything,
but to you mean the world.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
THat she didn't take chemo, b/c she would have lived..Maybe not a
long time, but longer
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I realized they weren't there and wouldn't come back...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Great respect..
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I knew the moment she died i would see her again
--Religious Affiliation:
Non-Denomination
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The main thing i remember about the funeral was there was no church
service, just a graveside and it rained..
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
HOW DIFFERENT THEY MIGHT LOOK, IN JUST A VERY SHORT TIME.. THE WAY
THEY MIGHT ACT, WHILE TRYING TO DEAL WITH THE DISEASE AND DYING.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i was young, i didn't completely realize everything that was going
on..But i just had to go with the flow, and go on with life like
normal i couldn't spend every waking moment crying...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I wasn't there but this is what i was told.."she died around
midnight, and the moment her heart stopped beating, everyone stood
around and was praying over her..At that moment the birds outside
started singing, and there wasn't a speck of light outside."
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That i loved them and vica versa
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Not to be greedy when someone dies, because i don't want everyone
fighting over my stuff when i die
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die, i feel like i have so much life to live
yet..But if i knew i was soon to die i would make ammends with
every one i'd had problems with
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Once she died i became very close to my great-grandmother, whom to
this day i'm still very close to..
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
I knew that one day i would see her again in heaven,and she was
out of pain....
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
You have to go on with your daily life, and soon, it becomes a
thing that happened a few years ago..You learn to forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Actually its made me a little depressed going back and thinking
about it
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Fri Mar 22 07:49:45 2002
F23 in Burlington, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 12 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Aids; Aged: 29.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we cease living and go to a better place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really felt scared. I felt like if they could die then dealth
was relly real. Dealth never felt real to me because no one in my
immediate family had ever died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How sick my cousin became and how depressed she was. She knew she
was dying but she never told anyone verbally except her family that
lived in her house with her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
REAL!!!!!!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned that AIDS is next door and its real. It doesn't have
a preference.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I kept visualizing my cousin lying in the casket.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Take time with them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
SHe was walking on Thursday and talking and when she went to sleep
Thursday night she died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk with her more, take her some icecream or whatever she asked
for. Just spend more time there, but I didn't know she was that sick.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Talk to her when I did. I also got to sit beside her and talk to
her at the wedding!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw everyone crying at the funeral,but when I looked at her father
he was smiling and rejoycing.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see her daughter and hoe she will never know her mother in the
way she would have known her if she had lived.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
HEAVEN
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was so young and her daughter was only 2 years old. WHY
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go back in time and tell her to be careful.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt sick on my stomach
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They done all they could. They would probably still be doing that
but she chose to stop treatments.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I guess they were there and did great things. No one in the family
has complained
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Support for the family while we were grieving
--Religious Affiliation:
christianity
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
everyone has one and god knows everyones true spirit
--Regarding MONEY:
She had AIDS so no one would issue her a life insurance policy.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Some people came just to see what she looked like. She had not seen
anyone outside family in two years.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I feel like she has not left. I wanna go over to her house and go
talk to her I do not believe she is gone and i Probably never will.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
None that I know of.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i just wish I had been there more.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask her if she wanted something sweet or if she wanted me
to go get some junk food. That is all she ever ate.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream that one night we all went to the football game and
she kept asking me to comb her hair. I do not know what that meant
to this day and I probably never will know.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I just want my kids taken care of, and if there is any way that I
can have a normal life if I am hurt then do everything you can to
keep me alive. If my life is gonna be where I can't talk, see, or
speak then still I think I would wanna live because of my children.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am terrified of dying. I have children that I don't wanna leave
behind.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I can't really say I am coping I still don't wanna believe that
she is deadd.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think about her every single day.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Mar 21 23:26:56 2002
F30 in usa = ?? =
Name: blake
Email: <baby_benz>
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Found us by: [ Hospice ]
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Prof/Studies: none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: SIDS; Aged: 3 mo..
--Details:
Don't remember much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
non-fuctional forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was indifferent, felt nothing. accept bordum and i was cold
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It sounds bad but if it did have an affect I couldn't tell you
what it was. and what i remember most is That the world arround
me had not stoped.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens get over it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my husband left.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my self, and the ability to escap reality.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the other people i couldn't help.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
being there so they wernt alone.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
you can't have an answer why.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never laughed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the service i wanted.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my father huged me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how I felt
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I don't think about it
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be awful, like i said because she died my husband left,
thank god
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I don't deserve this. what could i have possibly done.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i refuse to let it hit me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they could do nothing.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
at the time it played a big part,
--Religious Affiliation:
NONE
--Regarding MONEY:
people gave
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was late, people crying on my sholder.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the people I didin't know who paid there respects.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
there wasn't one
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
a dream, of my daughter with her great grandfather on a green
hill laughing.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
avoidence
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
I also avoid the reality of it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Talking to People
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no
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Thu Mar 21 22:46:10 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: asthma; Aged: 15.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Thu Mar 21 12:41:52 2002
F22 in YOungstown, OH =USA=
Name: Angie
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 13 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our existence on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
shock and sadness.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
celebrating the end of suffering.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my mother was finally out of pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I have close friends and great support from my family, however I
also se a counselor and a psychiatrist.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing my best friend is gone and i'll never see her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
letting them know that someone's life ended but it wasn't there's
and they need to continue living their life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't understand why there wasn't something that could be done
to save her.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have her in my life
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am nowhere near over it and don't think I ever will be.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
exactly, it's just not fair.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I still do not understand or accept it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they made her as comfortable as possible, but I feel other
possibilities should have been explored.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
saying good-bye and sending my mom to heaven
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone was so greedy
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I had a lot of hostility towards people I feel had no right to
be there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
rattled breathing, purple skin, no reflexes, rambling
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother comes to me in dreams all the time. In every dream we
speak like she is alive, but at some moment in the dream we discuss
how she has already passed.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
celebrating her and the things she liked to do.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I feel I owe it to her tho live like she would want. I have an
overwhelming desire to make her proud of me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I was too young to understand the finality then.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
The recent loss of my mother at such a young age has hindered
the dealing.
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Thu Mar 21 09:18:21 2002
F17 in Hershey, Pennsylvania =USA=
Name: Caitlin
Email: <chaleyswim=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person stops living. Something happens that prohibits them
from continuing to function on a human, everyday level.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't believe it
--That first time, how it happened was
It was someone that I knew very well - like an aunt but not
biologically. She was my coach and my friend. She died very
suddenly and unexpectedly.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and crying and crying and not believing and wondering why.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I'm not sure.. I think that the culture I've been exposed to has
been very healthy in dealing with death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how much closer my friend's death brought me with another one of
my friends
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
running and swimming
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting it, having to realize that my friend wouldn't continue
to grow up with me and that she would never reach her potential as
an adult and that i would never see her again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them how you feel about them and how much they mean to you -
it would mean a lot to them and never leave you wondering if they
truly understood how much they meant to you
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
used it as a learning experience - to forget the things in life
that are trivial and unimportant
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I tried to understand the reasons why, because there really aren't
any clear-cut answers.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a sort of catharsis - but the opposite end. My emotions were
in such a whirlwind that I needed an outlet. It's as if you just
cry so much and you're so emotionally drained that you don't FEEL
anything anymore and you just involuntarily laugh out of nowhere.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much she meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
share my grief with close friends
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would still constantly dwell on trivialities and take my
friendships for granted. However, I would still be able to talk to
and spend time with my friend.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
haven't reached that point yet
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an automatic support community
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian USA
--Regarding MONEY:
money didn't matter
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were sooooooooooooo many people there - people were
spilling out of the sanctuary and were put in different rooms with
closed-circuit TVs
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just hug her and tell her how much I loved her and how her
attitudes and personality postively affected everyone around her. I
would make sure she knew how much her friendship meant to me
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
cremation vs. burial; open or closed casket; monetary donations to
charities or scholarship funds; organ donation
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes I am less afraid of death than before because I am
realizing that the pain that comes with death is felt by those
who are still alive. I am seeing that death sometimes can have a
positive influence on people - as sort of a wake-up call to how
they are living their lives. BUT.. sometimes I am more afraid of
death because I realize how suddenly it could happen, and that I
really could die even though I'm only 17. I am afraid because if
I died I would never be able to fulfill my dreams and aspirations
and never get to experience even a little bit of what I hope to
accomplish in my life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
going to her grave and lying down in the grass in front of it
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yeah with someone that we were both very good friends with - her
death brought us closer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was able to have a mutual helping relationship with someone - I
appreciated having someone to count on who could relate to exactly
what I was dealing with and I liked being able to help him too.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Mar 21 09:13:38 2002
F19 in Cleveland, Oh =Cuyahoga=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Career Center
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
no
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
no
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Years ago.
Cause of Death: don';t know; Aged: .
--Details:
He was complaining he had chest pains and he went up to go to
the bathroom over and night and suddenly all we heard was a boom,
he feel on the floor. We called 911 and he was dead on arrival
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a nature of just saying goodbye, i don't think of death
as a bad thing. When someone die in your family of course you
don't think of it like that but it just anything of saying that,
that person is gone in heavan to be with God
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was real young my friend had gotten hit by a car trying to cross
the street.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The significant that i remember about death is the person and how
important he or she was
--What I think my (Cuyahoga) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Is that Death is apart of everybody culture not just my culture.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Is that the lord never puts more on us than we can bear, i just
remember that one day i will be in heavan and i will see those
same people
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The most support that i have received is my family and my significant
partner.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The hardest part about dealing with Death is losing that special
person, knowing that they are no longer with you.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that being there is something that is so supportive, i hate seeing
a person lying in a bed or ICU ready to die but if i can be there
then that is the best support i can give a person
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Death is forever
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why does people die why does God take our most love one away from us
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i'm grateful for being alive and well and i will always remember
the good and bad times that i shared w/that person
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to get over and that i pray every night before i go to sleep i'm
also grateful that my mother is always there for me
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Every body is going to die sometimes we don't even think about that
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was at church and the preacher was preaching about death and it
made me finally realize that death isn't as bad as you think it
is sometimes i will always be painful and sometimes it won't never
go away
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Mar 21 00:19:49 2002
F25 in toledo, ohio =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: she was murded; Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a hard thing to accept, its hard to let go and say good bye to
someone it's almost unfair.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
have lost a few people very close to me. I think the hardest
thing when dealing with death is accpeting the person is gone and
understanding why it was their time to go.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how sad everyone was and the disbelief she was gone. There were
so many questions that no one could answer. My mom was so young
and for her to die at such a young age with such a promising future
just did not make sense. why her? Its just not fair.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When I learned to accpet and realized that God neede my mother at
that time I was able to deal with the death. i am a fir believer
that everything happens for a reason. At the time you may not know
why but at some point in your life you will realize it. Everyday I
think about my mother and miss her but I don't blame God for taking
her away from me anymore. I also know we will reunite one day.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i really didn't get any support from anywhere other than my
grandmother. It was hard for her also because she didn't deal with
it eihter she just really stayed busy and tried not to deal with it.
We really should have gotten some therapy to help us cope.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go and accpeting it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first found out what happened and the nature of the death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say good bye for now let her know how much I loved her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
see a picture or remember an event.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i have had that thought wht if my mom was still alive but i have
to realize that is a what if and not reality. I don't what life
would have been like but thats not what was meant so i guess it
really does not matter.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my mom had to die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I began to feel better like a burden was lifted off of my shoulders.
I never really broke down and cried until years after it happened.
I think some of it was I was young but years later I thing the
emoional effect hit me the hardest. I really began to miss my mom
and would be upset almost jealous of friends and their relationships
with their mothers.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
n/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone was very sad and screaming and crying
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
that is a hard question because I could pick a few ways during
different times what helped me to deal with the death of my
mother's death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Mar 20 20:17:15 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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typed in death test in search engine
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of a lifetime we travel to another place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was still in primary school
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the song at the funeral
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens to everyone good or bad worshipper or not
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she is in a better less stressful place
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
home
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Love you
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
stayed focused
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why did god take her away
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
tried to forget it happened
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Wed Mar 20 16:55:14 2002
M19 in Toledo, OH =US=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing student Waitress
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, Years ago.
Cause of Death: aneurism; Aged: 61.
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--Death Is:
a sad time when a person stops living
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was three. my uncle died after being in a wheelchair for nine years
from a car accident. i had nightmares about his eyes popping open
when I would look in his casket
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How many people loved her and how many people came to the funeral. I
remeber the christmas tree and decorations she had just put up
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Realizing to appreciate people while they're here
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking aboutit writing about it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
trying to hold back the tears at the funeral and wake
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to comfort them and let them know that they'll never be forgotten
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wonder why God had to take my grandma's favorite sister and my mom
and I's favorite aunt, a person who did so much good on this earth
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
What the hell does this question mean?????
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell her how much I looked up to her how much I loved her and to
spend more time with her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Find strength and deal with her death
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
?????????
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch home movies of our family and see her smile
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
??
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that good people or any people gotta go before they're ready
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
talked to her because I knew she was in heaven. I felt a sense of
calmness because I knew she would watch over me
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place to pray and a way to heal
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We all have spirits and theyre always present
--Regarding MONEY:
no money was talked of
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was huge, but i was special enough to sit in the second row
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
you dont realize how much you care about a person till their gone
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wish she knew what she meant to me but I think now in heaven she
can see
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you and I know you love me too
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dream of my aunt once a month. Im always surprised to see her
and i ask, "Aunt Yvonne,what are you doing her?" and she always
tells me not to worry about because shes here now and she gives me
a great big hug and kiss
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think death is scary and I wouldnt want to know if I would die soon
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I write poems
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
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Wed Mar 20 16:29:41 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our bodies give out and they don't work anymore. and when God
calls your spirit into heaven to be with Him forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and stayed up many nights talking about it with my best friend
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I didn't want to talk or touch anybody, and i was scared something
bad might happen to me. everybody ignored my wanting to be alone
and hugged me and told me to talk about it. that sort of helped
me to get my emotions out, even though i didn't want to sometimes.
me and my best friend became like sisters.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not the end of eternal life. you can still be with Jesus.
death is just a reason to celebrate the life we have and to remember
the good times we had. Be thankful that people die so that others
have a chance to live and experience the world.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
after the funeral, everybody that knew him became like family and
we learned to comfort each other and to not take life for granted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing my best friend was there and my family is there for me
whenever i need them
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not seeing cliff again and fear of forgetting parts of him
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make sure they are at peace with themselves and with God.
--[My Neighbor's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to appreciate people for who they are and to take the time
out for people rather than business.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't understand why it happened to him because he is so young
and just starting his life.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed because he was such a joy to my life and he made the
funniest things happen when he was alive. just good memories.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I don't have any regrets. I never missed an opportunity to tell
him how much he means to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to some of my teachers and my friends about it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my teacher hugged me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
??????
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when i read my brother's notes to him, and when my best friend
talks to him every night before she goes to bed.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it is just a dream, wake up, he is not really alive.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't think it was fair that the reason he died was because
somebody let their dog loose and let it run onto a highway. the dog
is still alive.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go away from the people here and cry to my best friend who is 2
hours away from me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i cried forever and then i got scared that the same thing might
happen to me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they ripped him apart in an autopsy, there was really nothing left
for them to do. i just wished they didn't have to do one to him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it meant a lot, and helped me to deal with it
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i feel that people go to heaven if they accept jesus christ as
their lord and savior.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
separation of him from his family and mine. ( he went off to college
right before he died) i think God sometimes wants to make it easier
for us.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
i loved listening to music and remembering him. me and my best
friend have grown closer and we always remember him.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
i couldn't get in the front seat of a car for a long time because
he died in a car
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Wed Mar 20 16:14:31 2002
M21 in cleveland, oh =usa=
Name: brian mccarthy
Email: <brianmccarthy23=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
teachers assignment
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 43.
--Details:
he was bi-polar.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
not living anymore, no more day, just night.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young but was also exposed to it enough to know what
happened. i really didnt show emotion untill years later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
such a surprise and was very sad. it was a very unfortunate
situation.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it has nothing to do with "god" we all die at different
times but at not time because some pigment of peoples imagination
calls them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i got to see much of my family that i havent seen in a while...thats
the irish way. no news is good news
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my girlfriend, friends, crying, and not thinking about it!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to see that person ever again, no more memories.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him one last time alive and dead
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
nothing seemed to matter
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i dream about it, i have dreams about it a lot and it affects my
sleep at times.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to my uncle, but more for his family
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sobbed
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did not do a good enough job, he should have been kept in the
hospital untill he was well enough to leave and be able to be alone.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
shit, its abunch of fables and a book thats soo general that it
can be applied to all aspects of life. the church is just to have
a sense of community with people.
--Religious Affiliation:
humanist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
there is no spirit, when u die u decompose and that it. there is
no soul or whatever u want to call it.
--Regarding MONEY:
the family is now in debt
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
its nice for closure but cremation is the way to go.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
bullshit
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
theres nothing to discuss
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would expect him to say that he wished he didnt do it and that
he was sorry for the pain he caused.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
its a dream, its your thoughts not a visitation.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
if they want to go then its their choice, and if i need to halp them
to do that then i will. the laws about that aspect are rediculous,
talk about playing "god"
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i do give it some thought, but more i think about loosing others
and i tend to worry more about their wellbeing. i dont want to
experience it again, but i know i have to.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
disassociation with him
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
as long as i dont think about it im fine, out of site out of
mind...but it doesnt help dreaming about it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
dont even talk to me about it, take me to a damn baseball game.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
the questions i didnt answer didnt apply to me, it was tough at
first because my coping entales not thinking or talking about it.
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Wed Mar 20 15:39:08 2002
M22 in Sandusky, Ohio =United States =
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 38.
--Details:
it was a total suprise and a complete shock to everyone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving earth and joining God
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 3 years old and just remember people crying.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the hurt, the pain and seeing his two young daughters bury their
father.
--What I think my (United States ) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to be more expressive and understanding.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way people's lives can change for the positive after someone
they love has passed.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with family and friends. not being scared to share the good
and the bad memories---crying.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling that someone is missing, the longing to see to and to
talk to that person just one more time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen, don't just hear the person, listen to their wants and needs
and concerns.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
think of him everyday and know that he is watching down over my
family, that maybe with him in Heaven, are family is better, he is
are Guardian Angel.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he was taken and never really got a chance to know any of his
grandchildren,nor us him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
God was working with PopPop to bring back happy thoughts and
memories.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know my PopPop before he passed. I hope he sees all the things i
have accomplished.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
draw from the strength of my parents and family to move on with
my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I can remember where PopPop sat at the dining room table and what
we would eat. Also remember him sitting on the floor playing with
me a few days before he went into the hospital and died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
an important event in my life or my family's life happens and he
is not here with us to experience it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
my grandma may be happier, but this is the life that God has
planned for us. I am not the one to decide if my life or anyone
else's would be better if God hadn't taken someone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so young with so many grandchildren and children could
be taken away.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
lay in bed all day with no interruptions or responsibilities.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was saddened that someone who was/is so loved could be takend from
this world, with no explanation.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
helping and aid.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Going to Sunday mass and having the funeral at our Church.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I do feel that everyone is linked, i feel that all people go to
only one Heaven.
--Regarding MONEY:
my Grandma was left with pensions.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
family
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my dad cry
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
color of person, weight, breathing, dementia.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
cry alot alone.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i thought i saw my uncle driving down the road in his car after he
had died.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that i love him and that i wish he was here to see how the family
is getting along and that we want to know that he is proud of us.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When my brother joined the Air Force (PopPop-grandpa) was also in
the Air Force. He was at 'Hell Week', and that is where they got
their wings at the end. That night my brother had a dream where he
heard the song "On Eagles Wings" playing and he saw PopPop and he
told him how proud he was of him, and that he got his wings in the
same spot. Well the next day at the presentation of recieving his
wings,the song at the ceremony was "On Eagles Wings". It brought
my brother to tears.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
confession, mending relationships, letting people know how you feel
before it is too late, personal affairs in order to have less of
a burden on family/friends.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be nervous, scared, but i would be most sad about leaving
the people that i care about.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
LISTEN, don't always say 'Sorry'
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Mar 20 15:23:23 2002
F19 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our souls go to hevean. It is the most beautiful place, where
we meet up with all those we love and care about. The happiest
place to be.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young my great-grandmother passed away. I really didn't
feel anything because i was so young and I didn't know her to well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone was very sad.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is not always a bad thing. Those we love are going to
a better place.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That those around me have helped me understand death, and have
taught me to not be afraid of it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
loosing those you love never being able to talk to them or see them
whenever you want.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Always willing to listen, and talk to the person.
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Enjoy your life and live it to the fullest.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was younger I didn't understand what happend where you went that
sort of thing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
thats never happened to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to them more learn more about them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know them the little bit that i did
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i just think about death in general it makes me sad
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to loose someone so young that hasn't even really had a chance to
fullfill their dreams
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was upset because i relized i would never be able to talk to them
or see them again.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot to me it has helped me get through the hard times in my life
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbeterian
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Mar 20 12:31:23 2002
F20 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Sales/ Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: HEart Attack; Aged: 60 something.
--Details:
my Grandmother went to church and when she came home he was lying
on the floor.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone goes to sleep forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
I don't remember exactly.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
his empty chair and how we all laughed telling stories about him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is natural.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
peace.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being able to touch him and put six flowers that represented his
grandkids in his arms.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the first time I saw him laying in the casket.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't let their last minutes be all sad.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wondered how much I had told him that I loved him.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I love you and hug him again.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know he went to heaven. He was saved six months before is death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I thought about his impact on lives and wondered if I would be
remembered the same way.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried everytime I thought about him.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
good.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
being around a group of believers that knew where he was and were
able to rejoice in that.
--Religious Affiliation:
Church of God
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the long line waiting to pay their respects. We must have been
there for hours.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that body still there but no life in it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
taslking to him.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
saying I lvoe you.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
love.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Mar 20 09:35:20 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 56.
--Details:
his illness was not quite as long or as painful as my other
grandfather's and he lived years longer than the doctors expected
him to. That alone made the experience easier to deal with.
We felt very blessed to have the time we did with him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your physical being becomes to tired to go on, and your spirit
goes to the heaven you have always dreamed of.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried and was confused about the emotions I was feeling.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain my mother and father experienced as a result of the death
of their parents. The deaths of my grandfathers are the first time
I have seen either of my parents in extreme emotional pain.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that people are taken from us for a reason and that they go to a
better place when they die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time our whole family spent together when dealing with the
deaths. That which does not kill us can only make us stronger,
especially as an entire family unit.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and the fact that they were all having the same emotions
as me, so they understood what I was going through and were very
sensitive.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing my parents' pain. It was terrible.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know you love them and try to make them feel as comfortable
and happy as possible, and never make them feel as though they are
a burden.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that time heals all wounds. Even if nothing else helps,
time will, eventually.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was so overwhelmed by emotions that I had never felt before that
I did not know what else to do. Maybe it was my body subconciously
trying to cheer me up.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my grandfathers and learn more from their
life experiences.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with my family through everything.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I only get emotional when I think about my own parents dying.
I don't think I could deal with it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why can't people have their parents forever. People always need
guidance and unconditional love, like only a parent can give.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was worried about my parents and how they felt.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the nurses that took care of my grandfathers were amazing. Without
them their quality of life would have been significantly decreased.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they only wanted to help and make my grandfathers as comfortable
as possible.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i don't know. I think they are different for everyone.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I could not have understood exactly what was going on or how to
deal with my emotions without the support of my family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 19 11:40:16 2002
F22 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 92.
--Details:
It was a peaceful death, she died in her sleep. She was very
religious, so I have no doubts as to where she went following
her death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to a something. It could be an end to a human life, an
animal's life, a relationship, a personality trait.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13. It was a peaceful experience for me.
--That first time, how it happened was
My aunt Penny had always babysat me when I was young. She was a
little excentric but we got along perfectly. We would play games
all day long: she challenged my intelligence. Then she got cancer.
I didn't know what cancer was, I was only 11 so it didn't upset
me as much as it did everyone else. But she slowly began to get
sicker and weaker. She couldn't play games with me anymore and
she could barely even talk with me anymore. You could just look at
her and tell that she could barely stand the pain. It was aweful.
She lived like this for a year and a half and that year and a half
tormented me terrribly. So when she finally died when I was 13, it
almost came as a relief to me. She looked so peaceful and relaxed
and most of all comfortable lying there. I also took comfort in
the fact that I would see her again some day in heaven just like
I remembered her beore she got sick.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone else crying and seeming upset. Yet, I felt calm and
relieved.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not always such a horrible thing. It is going to happen
sometime, so we need to learn form our losses and jsut take the
memories of that person with us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the end of the pain that my aunt was suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being alone, especially in nature where it was quiet
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing when I would see that person again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to their stories, their memories, laugh with them, cry
with them
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found happiness and comfort in her death by realizing that she no
longer suffered pain or discomfort
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she got sick in the first place
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much she meant to me and how much she impacted my
childhood
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know her as well as I did before she died
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have only cried about this death 1 time that I can remember since
her death, until now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when a van of six young girls from a nearby college got into an
accident and all died without being able to say goodbye to anyone
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the technology they have for keeping people alive is amazing,
but they need to work more on pain management
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I didn't go to church and I still don't, I don't need church really,
me and God have an unerstanding with each other, we talk nightly
and He helps me through alot
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
somewhat realistic, every culture, every person has experienced
death, it brings us all together with a common bond
--Regarding MONEY:
it caused problems in the family
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my father cry
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was angry and confused that she was so sick, so out of touch
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am totally at ease with my state of affairs with that person.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was going through a difficult time in my life, so me and some of
my friends decided to play the Oiuga Board. I, of course, didn't
believe in such things, but I thought it might be interesting.
One of my friends asked it if I had a guardian angel and if so who
was it. The Board immediately spelled my aunt's name whom I had
never spoken of to any of my friends. THen it proceeded to spell
that she loved me and everything would be alright. I don't know
how it spelled her name, I don't know if her spirit was really
in the room or her spirit was inside me moving the piece without
my knowledge. It was wonderful.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know that my own death is inevitable and that does not scare me.
I do not wish, however, to know when it is coming.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think this questionnaire is a wonderful way for people to re-think
and express emotions that they have. A lot of people deal with
death and dying in a very unhealthy manner. This may help some
people to release pent up anger and negative emotions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 19 17:23:58 2002
F41 in Graham, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: asphyxia; Aged: 54.
--Details:
Routine successful bypass surgery, resulting in asphyxiation on
vomitus within 2 hours of planned discharge from hospital
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an inevitable step in going home.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was pregnant with my only child and almost lost her due to the
passing of my maternal grandmother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the intense anxiety, followed by a calming effect after prayer.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is inevitable and when your time comes it is best to be prepared
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a coming together of family
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching others around me that aren't close to God struggle with
death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen, listen, listen.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
grew closer to God and accepted death as a stepping stone to
eternal life
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
given modern technology, someone could die from a seemingly
non-descript occurance such as choking on vomitus, when this
person had just survived a very tedious surgery and came thru in
excellent shape
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
he could always bring a smile and a laugh to any situation
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
play just one more game of golf with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say I knew a side of him that few took the time to see.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the family never congregated in one area, but stayed spread out
from one another, even though they are a close family
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the placement of the flowers.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I drive by his favorite golf course, I can't help but say a prayer
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would play that round of golf we always kept putting off
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that such a young vibrant life should be taken, when there
are many others that lead lives of destitution and despair and
self-destruction, yet they continue to live
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
do something that would show my love and admiration I had for him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
turned to God and asked for his guidance and grace.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lacking in knowledge of resusitation.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a vessel in which one could turn to for comfort and guidance
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
unnatural
--Regarding MONEY:
it really wasn't an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
he was well loved and many friends were there to pay their respects
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the general reaction of the family
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
an acceptance that ones life is fulfilled, getting ones affairs in
order, stating they they are ready to go home
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
letting God have the upper hand is the only way to cope
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
didn't take place
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
We were great friends, always understanding of situations in each
others lives. No regret, no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
beg him to save playing the 19th hole with me one day
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My sister barely escaped an automobile accident. She was rather
shakened by the experience, to the point of having to pull to the
shoulder of the road. She said that my deceased step-father spoke
to her and told her everything was O.K. now and she would be alright.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Property distribution should be very clear and concise. There is
nothing I detest more than a family squabbling over money while
standing over the casket.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I would be going home to a far greater place, I am prepared.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
constant prayer
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am more thankful to God in my daily prayers for sustaned life
here on earth
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My friend's death brought me much closer to my fiance and I take
every opportunity to reinforce this closeness, possibly due to
the fact that my friend and his wife were never really close,
even after 30 years of marriage
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
pray with them, and assure them of God's wonderful love
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 19 17:22:48 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
I have to write a paper about online surveys, and this site was
given to me by my professor.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 61.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your life comes to an end, and you go to a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't rally understand what was goin on... but i saw everyone
crying and i knew it was bad
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The last time i saw my Grandmother. I jsut knew in my heart that
it was goin to be the last time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being around family and helping others cope.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that that person is gone.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
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Tue Mar 19 15:34:46 2002
F18 in toledo, ohio =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, in jan. Years ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 41.
--Details:
he had hairy cell leukemia which is easily cured now
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the loss of our soul from our physical human body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
very young and I remember going up to see my father lying in the
casket, while my mom was holding me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
before my father died everyone thought he was the one that held
the family together, but after his death our family became closer,
and more appreciative than ever before.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is not a bad thing and that when people die they are going
onto sompelace better
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family and how they would do anything for me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my support from my frinds and family as well as music
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
everyone mentions "mom & dad" but I never really experienced that
since he died when I was about 2 so that is a constant reminder.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you'll always remember that you were the last person that they were
thinking about when they died -that would be easing to my mind.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have become a stronger person knowing that life is short and that
you should cherish everymoment of what you have
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
you find out they died and your brain turns into a ball of mush and
you cannot figure out what's going on or what is going to happen
in the future(talking about my grandma)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to talk to them more and not to have let other things get in the
way of visiting them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
remeber her(my grandma)saying "i love you"
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the people who came to visitation and the funeral, the people who
didn't even know the person who died but knew how much they meant
to you,so they came
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about my future and them not being here to see any of it
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be a totally different person if my father would not have
died. I would not be living where I am , would not talking to the
friends that I see ,everything would be different,but not neccesarily
better,just different
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone who has done nothing but good for everyone can be
taken away.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring my family back to life,for just one hug and one I love you
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
took a walk let my thought get back together
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I am angered-at the time I don't think they did all that they could,
so now I am going into the medical field to try to prevent, someone
dying when they can be cured
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot at the time but after my father's death the women of the
church weren't as accepting of my mother as they were before
--Religious Affiliation:
non religious
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right, I feel that regardless of religion we all have a spirit(our
soul) that transcends into something more when we die
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it is good closure
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing family you don't even know and huggin and being
togethr,because you are sharing the same thing
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
right after my grandmother died I had a dream about her funeral
(which was in a different place than it was) and in the dream
,after the funeral a quale(bird) appeared out side of the funeral
home and approached me and let me pick it up.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope everyone looks at my wonderful life and not look at it like
a horrible death
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I preten to talk to them especially before bed,kind of like praying
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
seeing my mother's strength helped me through a lot of hard times
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this has been a really interesting survey that made me reflect on
all of the deaths in my life
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Tue Mar 19 14:37:51 2002
F20 in Maple Heights, Ohio =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Student/Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 02 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cardiac arresst; Aged: 40.
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--Death Is:
when a person goes to a better place to rest
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 08 It was my great grandfather and i really did not know what
was going on
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone around me and what was said
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens to all of us
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I had a lot of support
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it was my mother and she was the closest to me
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Its ok to let go everyone has to at one point in there lives and this
is your time. You just have to hope everyone else will understand
and not grieve to bad
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that people leave you but their spirits are allways here
and you have to go on with your life because that is what they
would have wanted you to do.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I did not know how I was going to start going on with out her i knew
i had to but I depended on her a lot and know my security seemed lost
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I needed that outburst to let go some of the grief and that was a
good way of releasing it and relaxing me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her it was ok and goodbye and that everyone would be okay:
and to say one last I Love you and kiss her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help plan the funeral
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was able to keep going and not go into a big slump and continue on
to college after graduating with all the stress and grief on my back
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who was going to take care of all the business now
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch other people complain about there mother
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
everything would just as it was before
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
what did she do wrong, or why did she have to leave me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
with her right now
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
needed answers and I wanted to forget it all
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
most stupidest places
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not applicable
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place to pray and to get some spiritual healing and understanding
--Religious Affiliation:
babtist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that the person is witht you in spirit always
--Regarding MONEY:
by the accident I was cofiscated for the death from her insruance
but it just made matters worse because now i have money but my mother
is gone and I don't have her to share it with The funeral was taken
care of so that was not a big stress of who was going to pay for it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were so many people there and at first i was like a lot of
them were there to be nosy but my mother was a kind and friendly
person so everybody she met she made a big impact on them So they
came to pay their respects.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
coming to realization that this is my life and not no one elses
and this is all real not a dream
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
-
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it just seemed everything seemed all right I thought I could handle
it and it catches up with you
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
-
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
it will help with closure, and i won't feel like I never got to
say the formal goodbye's
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
well nothing like that has happened to me but when my
great-grandmother was passing which was 8mo later, after my mother,
she had made a comment about my mother saying she would always take
care of her and then some days later she passed so I believe that
my mother had visited her in spirit and telling her she will take
care of her and it ok to dye now
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A Will, Letting the ones special to you know they are special. The
way the want things carried out
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would try to make amends with everyone and just live it up
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
well I am just coming to realization that this is all real so I
try to cope with by talking to others reminiscing on the good times
and just keep a good outlook on it
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
-
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
well i was talking to a guy before she passed and now we have been
together for 2 years and I feel his presence help me cope a little
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was there to give them a ear to listen and support if they needed
cause thats how i got through, plus people who have been through
it all before you can give you ways to try and cope
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has helped me re-think the whole situation and kind relive a
little bit of stress, because sometimes I think about it but when
I talk about it it feels good coming out its like I am releasing
a chunk of grief
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Tue Mar 19 09:18:39 2002
F21 in toledo, ohio =us=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 80.
--Details:
no
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a time your body can no longer sustain a healthy life and you die
and leave the earth and get to see everyone else who has died.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand it
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone coped by crying and also talking about how wonderful
the person's life was
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not the end
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how close and loving everyone becomes
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
crying
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Mon Mar 18 10:23:49 2002
F19 in Olmsted Township, Ohio =United States=
Name: Robyn
Email: <Peache5431=at=cs.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: College student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 11 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Hear problems/ accidential drug use; Aged: 36.
--Details:
It was said that my cousin died in her sleep from a heart attack
and some of it could have been caused from all of the medicine she
was taking. Her husband was sleeping next to her when she died and
apprently didn't even notice. She has a 7 year old son, which made
things even worse. It was extremely unexpected and very hard to
deal with. She died on Easter Sunday.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your heart stops. It's when your body shuts down and what
makes you run stops.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8 years old and my grandmother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everything single thing that surrouned her death I remember very
vividly. I remeber having to see her dead body, trying to talk to her
7 yr. old son and explain to him that his mom wasn't coming back. I
remember at the grave side funeral I was asked to sing amazing grace
and my body and voice was like it was an angel singing. The words
just flowed from me. I remember the flowers and the pictures and
all the tears and all the people. I remember the anger and the hate.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is forever
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Myself, my best friend, and my family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Going to the funeral or the wake and knowing that you will never
talk to that person again. And knowing that over time you being to
forget what their voice sounded like and possibly what they looked
like or the little things they used to do.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't talk much and just listen.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I learned that death can be very unexpected and can happen at anytime
to anyone. I also learned that somtimes you know how something is
going to turn out in the end and you know it isn't going to be good
but there isn't a thing you can do about it and you just have to
accept that.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my cousin died so young and so unexpected. It wasn't fair and they
claim she died of a heart attack and I do not believe it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To be different from the start. To have had a different attitude
about life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When I think about death I do cry. When I think about my cousin
or my Aunt that died I do cry. When I think about the fact that my
Uncle is really sick and is going to die, I do cry.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be much closer to my family and try to spend much more time
with them and help them more. I wouldn't argue with anyone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
When my 36 year old cousin died I thought it wasn't fair. She was so
young and has a 7 yr. old son and her husband was not a nice person
and now that little boy is stuck with him as a father and only him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Be home with my family.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I will never accept death
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They can't do much.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am religious some what but I have a hard time with my religion
when someone close to me dies.
--Religious Affiliation:
United Church of Christ ( Protstant)
--Regarding MONEY:
Money was a problem but my family tried to help out so it would be
a nice funeral. There was no wake.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
That my cousin who died, her husband was there. My family does not
much care for him and rightfully so. He brought his sister she took
her 4 and 6 yr. old children to the grave side funeral and they
were running around and stuff like that. It was very inapproitate
and it made me very angry that she would do that when there were
people to watch the children.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
When I say my cousin laying in the box. She was going to be cremated
so they didn't buy a casket and they did not enbolme her. Her nails
were black and it didn't look like her at all.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you, is what I would want to hear.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am scared of death. It's my biggest fear in life. It prevents me
from doing somethings and just terrfies me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
When my cousin died it brought a few memebers of my family back
together that were not talking before.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Fear of Death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I found it easy to express my feelings.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
It was hard to understand exaclty what you were asking for in a
few of the questions.
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Sun Mar 17 21:00:35 2002
F20 in Toledo, OH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Lifespan Developmental Psychology at the University of Toledo
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Prof/Studies: Sociology Major
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
One True Thing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 19.
--Details:
A girl I went to high school with and had several classes with died
shortly after she graduated. I guess this is my most significant
one because, while I wasn't overly close to this girl, the fact
that someone my age could just die like that really hit home.
Frankly it kind of scared me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the one major unknown. In a society where we can find
out information about virtually anything we want, it's still
impossible to truly know what happens to us while and after we die.
Biologically it is when the body ceases to function. But as far
as the soul is concerned, no one really knows. One can only make
conjectures and place their faith in those ideas.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had a really hard time dealing with the idea of permanence in death.
It's still kind of hard for me to grasp the fact that once we're
dead there is no coming back. I guess I'm used to movies and TV
where people are just acting like they're dead, but you know once
a wrap is called they can just get up and walk away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how devastating it can be to lose someone. My significant death
was only 19 years old. It just doesn't seem fair that she had such
a short time here. This girl was smart, incredibly talented and
really nice and friendly. She had so much potential but it was
cut short far too soon. I think everyone who knew her felt that.
We knew she was finally free of her pain and suffering, but somehow
that didn't really make anyone feel that much better about it.
I guess my reasons for being so upset about death are kind of
selfish. I know people's suffering ends, but I still miss them.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't know what we can learn about death that hasn't already
been suggested. Anything that we don't know is impossible to know
unless we die ourselves. When I was a kid I always used to think
that when you died you could just call your family and tell them
what it was like to be dead. That was the only way I could deal
with the fact that no one knows what happens to you.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
in relation to death? I haven't really found anything like that
in death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking to friends about it, writing about it and just letting
myself cry.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
understanding it.
--[My Acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that life is so much shorter and much more precious than
I ever believed. It's like one day you can be an average healthy
high school student and the next you're diagnosed with a terminal
illness and told that your life will end within a couple of years,
if not sooner.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
someone died before their time. Most of the deaths I have
experienced have been older relatives. Not to say that this made
dealing with their deaths a little easier, but they had already lived
full lives. They had accomplished so much. That's a little easier
to understand because somehow it just seems natural. But seeing
someone who hasn't even lived 20 years just doesn't seem right.
Seeing parents bury their children doesn't seem natural.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is a good way to deal with things. I deal with everything
with humor so I guess it only seems natural to me to laugh about
it at some point.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just spend a little more time with people. A great aunt that I was
very close to died. She and I had our birthdays four days apart,
so I always thought that was kind of special. I missed her 75th
birthday party to go to the movies or do something equally stupid
with my friends. That was her last birthday and my last opportunity
to see her and I just took it for granted.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Open casket funerals. Everyone always wants to go pay their respects
and actually look at the dead body. This may not be too uncommon,
but I'd just rather remember the person as I knew them - ALIVE.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Even talking about some deaths I experience make me feel like crying.
I don't know if it's because I miss the person themselves or because
death in general makes me sad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I guess when I think about that, it doesn't differ from this life.
But I'm not living today in some other reality, I'm living yesterday.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when people die too young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be cold and insensitive to things like this and just not get
so upset.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still couldn't really fathom it. It's still hard for me to believe
that this life is it, that once you die that's it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I have a lot of faith in the medical community. A lot of the deaths
I've experienced have just seemed inevitable so there seems no point
in blaming doctors for something that was going to happen anyway.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I've never really been in contact with hospice but from what I've
read it seems beneficial for a person to be able to at least die
at home as opposed to a hospital.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
When I was younger, the church helped me by presenting me with such
an idealistic view of the afterlife - life in heaven - that it
was easier to deal with people dying. Instead of being told the
reality, that my loved ones were just six feet under in a cold,
dark box, I was told that they were sitting on clouds in heaven,
watching down over me. I still like to keep that visual in mind.
Even if it isn't true, it's comforting.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was baptized Catholic by my parents however I haven't actually
practiced Catholicism in several years.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I think death evokes the same emotions in most cultures. Beliefs
about death and afterlife may differ, but the emotion is still
the same. We celebrate a past life and mourn a death.
--Regarding MONEY:
I've never really been financially tied to anyone that died but I
know my dad had a lot to deal with financially when his father died.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people are always so supportive. It's hard to know what to say
in a funeral setting because nothing ever seems appropriate, but
just seeing someone there to support you, or being there to support
someone else, helps a lot.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
my process involves a lot of doubt and denial, followed by
overwhelming sadness.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my mom tells the story of her grandmother looking up to the corner
of the room and just saying "they're all there" over and over
again and getting this look of peace on her face before she died.
She also said how beautiful whatever it was she was seeing was.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I really don't have many major unresolved issues, but I guess the
way I deal with it is to think that the person who died knows how
I feel about resolving these issues and, somehow, that brings a
state of closure on things for me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd just want to tell them that I loved them. I guess I'd want
to know that they are happy where they are and perhaps get some
glimpse of what's to come in the afterlife.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think it would be incredibly hard to know that your death was
coming but, as depressing as it is, it may be good to know as well.
If I knew I was dying I would make sure I tied up all the loose ends
in my life and tell the people I care about what they mean to me.
As far as thinking about my own death, I see it as an inevitable
part of life but I still like to think that it's something that's
far off in the future.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I really don't have much of a coping ritual aside from surrounding
myself with a lot of people. I find that, while sometimes it's
nice to be alone, having other people around makes me feel a little
better and a little less afraid of death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
It sounds dumb and trivial, but sometimes it's just nice to get a
hug from someone else. It's nice to have a shoulder to cry on.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
To be honest, it's been kind of depressing. I knew it would be
going into it, but that didn't help take away the sadness.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
They were all worded in a very conscientious manner
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Sat Mar 16 13:25:31 2002
F19 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Our Professor gave us this survey to do
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driving accident; Aged: 15.
--Details:
I was just about to start high school and my friend, Martha that I
had just met through band, was going out and invited me join her. She
told me they were going to a party and it was going to be a lot of
fun. I didn't want to go because my parent's were out of town and
they told me not to go out but I could have a few people over. I told
Martha that she could bring a few people over after the party and we
could all hang out. They never showed up so I figured that they ended
up just going home or staying at the party. The next morning one of
my best friends came over crying. I had never seen him cry before so
I knew something was really wrong. He told me that Martha had been
killed in a car accident. She was riding in the back seat without
a seatbelt on and was thrown from the car. Aparently they were all
intoxicated and she was the only one killed. I couldn't believe
it. I just cried for days. Her funeral was the worst experience of
my life, I have never seen so many people so sad. And to think that
I could have been in that car and maybe dead too, was too much to
handle. I have learned to trust my instincts more, something told
me not to go out with them that night, and I am so glad I didn't.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our bodies life, but our souls continue on into our own
personal heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't affected too much because I was so young and wasn't too
close with her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone crying so much. I didn't think that it was humanly possible
to see that many people cry that much. Even if you didn't know
Martha and you were at the funeral, you were crying because the
emotions in the air.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how its not always such a bad thing. Like terminally ill patients,
its almost a relief when they die because it hurts the family and
friends so much to watch them suffer.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my Grandpa Johnny died last August. He had lived a full
life and had dimentia, where he lost a lot of memory and was so
depressed his last years of his life. It was so hard to watch him
just sit around and beg to die. It was a good day when he passed
but of course, I cried because he was apart of my life and it was
hard for my father. It also makes me think of when I will lose my
parents and how hard I think that will be for me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having family and friends there to support me and talk me through
it. I also need alone to think about it. Like I said before, time
does heal everything.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that the person is gone from your life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them how much they mean to you and how you will see them again
in your heaven. Just listen to them and try to comfort them the
best you can.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my aunt at age 30 died after an unnecessary back surgery. She
brought joy to so many people and was just a wonderful woman. She
was so young and so great, I couldn't understand why she died. I
don't believe in that "it was her time" crap. Also, Martha at age
15, she didn't even get to grow up, I really don't understand when
young people die with thier entire lives ahead of them.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell any of them how much they meant to me before they passed,
its amazing what telling someone that can do (for both of you)
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
comfort those closer to the ones that died, because I couldn't
imagine how much harder and painful it was on them.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
after my Grandpa E.G. died the immediate family stood in a circle
next to his coffin and said a prayer along with what we loved most
about him. It was some closure for us all.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how well you knew who died. You just knew that everyone at the
funeral or showing loved that person and you are all feeling a
great loss.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see pictures of us all together having a great time and wondering
what life would be like with them here now.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think that maybe I'd be happier with the family still around. But
with Martha, I couldn't have been with her that night and if they
wouldn't have had an accident that night who knows when it would
have happened and I could be dead now too.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when young people die, or good people that get killed in a gang drive
by... when the innocent die because of other peoples ignorance. Like
drunk drivers- it makes me so mad.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
move on and totally let go. But as human nature we dwell and carry
on to things like this.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Well, Martha was my shared partner in band. All that summer we
marched next to each other and goofed around. But she had died just
before school started and when I went to band that first day it hit
me that she wasn't going to be around anymore. I had to leave class
and go to the counselors office. I had them get my older brother
out of class to come talk to me, he helped me feel better that day.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not too good. I wish they would've assisted my Grandpa Johnny with
passing because of how much he and the family suffered watching
him die.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were amazing with my Grandpa Johnny, they talk to him and make
him feel so comfortable.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't believe in organized religion so it didn't do anything for
me. But family prayed and it seemed to help them.
--Religious Affiliation:
past was Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we all have a spirit that leaves our shell (our body) at death and
goes to our own personal heaven.
--Regarding MONEY:
how expensive all the services were.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that everyone there cares about that person too and you all join
together to celebrate the life they lead.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing them in the coffin. Laying their lifeless, and it doesn't
look like the same friend, sister, grandparent laying there. Thats
when I realized that we aren't our bodies we are our souls what is
deep inside us, our personalities.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the lack of communication, motivation and activity level. At the
end my Grandpa quit talking about death and didnt' want to get up
or do anything. Then he went to sleep one night, went into a comma
for a few hours. They said he opened his eyes looked around the
room and cried a single tear and then passed.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
the night of Martha's funeral I slept with the window open because
I was unusually hot in our home. I woke up to my windchime because
there was this constant breeze coming through my room. I sat up
because I felt very uneasy. Then I thought Martha had come to visit
and just say goodbye. I was overwhelmed by this feeling of closure
that I began to cry... if that makes any sense.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I dont' have any unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to hear what I mean to them and tell them the same... it
would give me more closure.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
one night I was sleeping in my Grandmother's bed, she wasn't their
yet and I woke up to a strange noise. When I rolled over I thought
I saw my Grandfather sitting in the chair next to the bed. It was
really just some clothes and a plant haging above the chair. But
for a minute I could've sworn that it was him. I don't know if my
eyes were just playing a trick on me or if he was really there for
a split second.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
the wishes of the deased, like where they want to be burried and
how they want the ceremony to go. ALso, their personal belonging,
whom they want to have it.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would go a travel the world, see all I could and tell everyone
how I love them, I would let go of any grudge no matter how big
or small and just live my life exactly how I want to. But it would
probably cost a lot of money, and I be sad. I would be sad because
I knwo that my family would hurt when I die. i wouldn't be sad for
me because the way i see it I die and go to my personal heaven,
which is the most amazing place in the entire world.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
the talking about your favorite things the person did or how they
touched your life, really helped. But I like to visit the grave
site alone and sit and cry, and talk to them about things.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
talking about my problems out loud to anyone or just myself, really
helps... mostly alone or to a counselor.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I need to cry and talk about it, but mostly it was time, as with
all things.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
Its so hard to know that you will never hug, kiss or talk to them
again. The person's absence from your life is the hardest thing to
deal with.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought back some feelings about these people that I love and
miss but it wasn't too bad.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I just felt a lot of them were saying the same thing. so if you want
different answers then you need to make the questions more clear.
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Thu Mar 14 17:58:23 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, Days ago.
Cause of Death: gangrene and stroke; Aged: 79.
--Details:
at home and at peace with hospice helping.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a final goodbye.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was sheltered by family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that my mother was ready to go and was very much at peace with
herself and God and I wasn't ready to let go.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be yourself.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
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Thu Mar 14 12:56:26 2002
F18 in OHIO =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: STUDENT
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 06 Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: about 90.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was traumatized, because my parents had never, to my knowledge,
spoke of death before.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying to my mother and scared to sleep in my bed because I believed
that I saw the person's ghost.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is not just restricted for old people.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it ends pain and suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
not getting as close to people after my great grandmother died.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that it was final.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
realize that these may be this person's last moments.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was so affected by it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother kept saying that she went to a better place; I asked her
when we were going to visit her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
death has never caused me to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend some time with her the day of her death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
bear.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
how unreal the skin of a dead person looks.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The clothes that she was wearing.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize that I am destined to have the same fate.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I've never even imagined it as not happening.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I have to die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I could find a potion and live forever.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began forming slightly different relationships.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
one of great admiration and irritation. It treats every disease,
but it has its own hierarchy of importance.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
telling the dying person that they were going to a better place.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I've never thought about this: i dont know.
--Regarding MONEY:
it dictates the quality of a funeral
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I do not remember
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
going to her bedroom after the funeral and not finding her there
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
wrinkling, whitening skin. inability to walk
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
N/A I do not like death: I dont like going to hospitals and I
try to stay away from funerals.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I WAS TOO YOUNG TO HAVE HAD UNRESOLVED ISSUES
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I WOULD ASK HER TO TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT SHE KNOWS SO THAT IT
COULD LAST FOREVER
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
AFTER SHE DIED, I SAW HER STANDING OVER ME IN MY BED AND I WAS
SCARED FROZEN. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE SAID, BECAUSE I PUT THE
COVERS OVER MY HEAD, BUT WHEN I LIFTED THEM SHE WAS WALKING INTO
MY PARENTS ROOM AND THEN DISAPPEARED.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I HAVE NOT
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I WOULD BEGIN TO LIVE LIFE NOT CARING ABOUT ANYONE BUT THOSE CLOSE
TO ME AND MYSELF AND ME. I WOULD LIVE AS IF "THERE WAS NO TOMMORROW"
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
NO
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
KNOWING THAT THEY WERE ABOUT TO DIE AND THAT DEATH WAS FINAL
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
YES, IT IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I HAVE SAID A LOT OF THINGS: MY
FAMILY KNOWS THAT I DONT LIKE GOING TO FUNERALS OR HOSPITALS ,
BUT THEY DO NOT KNOW WHY.
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Thu Mar 14 10:18:26 2002
F19 in Missouri =USA=
Name: Genny
Email: <lyssaleighann=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I typed in "Near Death Experiences" into the URL box.
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Prof/Studies: College Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, one Years ago.
Cause of Death: Passing someone when he knew better not to, and swerved to miss
the oncoming car.; Aged: 16..
--Details:
See my contribution "In Memory of my Brother." Sub-titled "You
are missed and loved," or something like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
what happens when our souls, or our essence of who are be it happy
or sad or playful, leaves our body.
--That first time, how it happened was
My great-grandpa died when I was ten, I think. I understood death,
but we weren't really close, so I was sad, but okay
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The rejection and the pain that my family experiences. I wish they,
with the exception of my littler brother, could move past the not
wanting to talk about it. HELLO MCFLY!? It happened, talk about it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I think we need to make death happy. The deceased are happy there.
We should be too.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My understanding of death because it happened to my brother.
I'm more open about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The constant rejection that I face at home, because I think very
differently from my family.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have grown, and matured and learned. it had to happen, it was
unfortunate, but none the less, it was positive. There are many
little things that I know my brother is helping me learn.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
become closer to my brother.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
come to terms eventually.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that my brother is actually gone. Yes, he's not here w/ us
psychically, but he's not gone. That anf the fact that he was
put in the burial plot and so that is where he IS. No! He's in
me, in his friends, in my friends, in my family. Talk to him,
he's THERE. He hears you, he may not respond to you, but listen.
Especially before you're fully asleep at night.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd want the knowledge that it could have happened to stay with me.
That said, I'd become closer to my brother if he were here with
us today.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Laugh my head off.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Respect. Y'all know what it's like to have accepted death, thanks
for your support.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A sad funeral. Hell, funerals should be a happy occasion.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
GREAT! They aren't restricted to material items like us THEY
DON'T CARE. They CARE about us.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Good job, Genny! I'm proud of you. Don't let anyone dissuade
your beliefs.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had just had a session with a medium friend, and it was late,
12 amish, and I was drifting off to sleep. I felt a hand on my
cheek, I KNEW it was my brother. I said, being awake, "thank you."
That was it.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
That I have a happy funeral.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
May it not be soon, or before I know my purpose in life. May I
have no pain, be happy and reunited with my brother in the place
that he is in now.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Having the above session with my medium friend.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My brother's friends are my family's friends as well as my own.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reach out to my friends to help them out.
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Thu Mar 14 07:35:43 2002
F18 in Femont, Ohio =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, One Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
just a part of life. We get to live our life to it's fullest capacity
that we allow and make thousands of memories fo us and other to look
back on. When we die we are allowed to go talk to our loved ones
that died before us. They might even be the ones that come for us,
as in my grandmother's case. Her brother came for her.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't fully understand the concept. I was young and death was
something I didn't know too much about. I do remember crying however,
because I could see all the glum and sensative faces around me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How happy we were for my grandmother that it was over and she no
longer had to suffer.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is just another step in life. Everything happens for a
reason, though we may not know what that reason is.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my grandmother said that she could see her brother there and
he was reaching for her. So i know that someone was there for her,
to help her and comfort her about leaving us behind.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family. We talked about it and shared our memories and listend
to songs that we had made for her funeral. They brought things up
and let us remember our times with her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing her and wanting her to be there. Going from saying, "I am
going to go to grandmas and grandpas" to only being able to say
"I am going to grandpas".
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just hold their hand.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Wed Mar 13 20:42:52 2002
F40 in =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
the word bardo, came up in another writing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 21/2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cardiac arrest,heart patnt; Aged: 14 years.
--Details:
instantly. And with her mama.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The passing over from this physical earth to our ultimate destined
journey of highest learning and awareness. Where we learn to be
our highest self in heart and soul.Where we become aware of our
purpose as a soul.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was freaked. Frozen, instant denial, couldn't do CPR because my
mind refused to go past her fainting. I convinced myself it was
ok the whole drive to thwe hospital. I knew she was already gone
there in the car,deep down inside.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
DISBELIEF/inability to detach that person from normal everyday life
things that were a usual thing.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
this earth plane is not our true destiny, and any and all things
materialistic are useless to us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The opportunity to learn the values and importance of the things
we believe in and how we choose to spend this time here.Knowing if
you are gone tomorrow that you've done something good today.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
FAITH and HOPE.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I'm PISSED.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to resolve unfinished issues.
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
That God IS stronger than all the deepest love and devotion and bond
and connection that a mother has for her child. I thought the love
of a mother had to be the most powerful force in all existance. I
forgot--- I'm NOT!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
what happens with her now.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
You must remember the joyous and good things while you have faith.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not work so much, long hours daily
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend hours totally alone laying with my child all night long while
she passed on a respirator. no interuptions except nursing care.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the type of ceremony you allow for the people attending the
service. I allowed all her friends to go up and say things they
remember, and anything they needed to say.I let them all sit in
circles by her casket and tell reminessing stories and laugh and
cry aloud.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all the expensive formalities. I made all the candle arrangements
ourselves. Her sister and I did her hair and make-up ourselves so
she would look like herself. No limo
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Holidays. Birthdays.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Raising a teenager to a young adult in the 2000's petrifies me,
i know i'd have been a nervous wreck. I still am close to all
her friends.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was just a child. So full of life and had adjusted to a
life of limitations, while striving to raise those limits every
single day of her busy little life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
CHECK ON MY CHILD
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
really was curious as to what happens when we pass over.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great comfort.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
uncontained anger. Need to scream at God real real loud and long. I
couldn't go.
--Religious Affiliation:
I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and that he sacrificed
himself for us. That Gods power and strength are the ultimate of
all that is.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
All Truth
--Regarding MONEY:
I spent what I had and what I could borrow and didn't much cre what
else happened.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Telling my child it is o.k. for her to go to the beautiful light, and
to go with the big beautiful angels and I promissed it would be o.k.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She awoke from a nap and asked me if she was dead. She had spoken to
a very large angel with huge wings that spread clear to the floor,
no doubt, an ARC angel.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
She had her first open heart heart surgery when she was 3 weeks
old. At 2 years old when she and I were taking a walk she told me
that Jesus had taken her for a walk and he held her hand.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Fortunatly we dont have unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would know she has made it ok and is happy and full of joy
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
ORGAN DONATIONS
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want to be on a good level so i can be with her on the other side.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Absolute spiritual awareness and openess to accept what is to be.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Done many,many hrs of research, info. gathering,seeking knowledge
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
not being able to "check on her"!!! Not getting to see her grow up.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Mar 13 07:43:36 2002
M20 in =usa=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
For school
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: ?.
--Details:
When it happened i was to young to understand what was going on.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when people go to a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little kid.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying lots of crying
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i dont know.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i always think God is calling them home.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having that person around anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
keep your head up
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
know a lot more about death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
there gone and never coming back
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i dont know
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with the person
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him a little bit better.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
???
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
???
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the time comes for my grandpa
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dont know
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he had to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
escape death
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had a hard time believing it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
fine people
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
it wasnt involved
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
going to church
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true
--Regarding MONEY:
funerals cost money
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
crying
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i dont know
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i dont know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
look forward
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i dont know
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
???
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont have unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
look for the good in everything
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
it hasnt
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i dont know what people will think when i die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i feel it affects us all.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
knowing the person was going to a better place
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
not really
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
nope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
People die and i get on with my life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
???
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i guess i has been us use to me.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
nope
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 12 19:17:22 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just looking around and curious about death.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 40 Years ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 12.
--Details:
drunk driver ran over my brother when he went to save his puppy
that was in the road.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the reversal of our conscieness from the oblivion of preconception
to the seesation of all barin activityas
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the use of religion as a denial device
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how short a human life is in terms of geology and how utterly
insignificant human life is in terms of the universe
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it makes me live my life to the fullest and with no regrets
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that the person lived their life and flet that they could
accept it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
looking at old photographs and knowing that one day it will be
your turn.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to tell them how much you love them and that you will keep that
love for them in your heart.
--[My Self (near death)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
saw my life pass before me like a movie and that when it seems
your out of time the last few seconds seem like years so your not
as close to oblivion as you think becasue you have those years left.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
good people died and the worst people you know continue to live
long and seemingly happy lives
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that i must live my life to the fullest that it is all i
will ever have.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 12 19:17:22 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just looking around and curious about death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 40 Years ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 12.
--Details:
drunk driver ran over my brother when he went to save his puppy
that was in the road.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the reversal of our conscieness from the oblivion of preconception
to the seesation of all barin activityas
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the use of religion as a denial device
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how short a human life is in terms of geology and how utterly
insignificant human life is in terms of the universe
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it makes me live my life to the fullest and with no regrets
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that the person lived their life and flet that they could
accept it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
looking at old photographs and knowing that one day it will be
your turn.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to tell them how much you love them and that you will keep that
love for them in your heart.
--[My Self (near death)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
saw my life pass before me like a movie and that when it seems
your out of time the last few seconds seem like years so your not
as close to oblivion as you think becasue you have those years left.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
good people died and the worst people you know continue to live
long and seemingly happy lives
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that i must live my life to the fullest that it is all i
will ever have.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 12 15:02:35 2002
F20 in Toledo, ohio =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Is a time where the body can no longer function.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and thought of how afraid I am of dying.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
All of us friends just standing there holding each other in a big
group , crying about how we could have prevented this. And how we
couldnt believe that this had actually happened.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY friends. Just being with them and tlaking to them helped me
through it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing the best friend of this kid ..and his family crying.
And seeing how the mother of this kid deals with it. She drinks
heavily now and still cries to us.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Always being able to talk when they needed someone to talk no matter
how hard it was for me.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Changed how I drive now that this has happened to my friend.
I never used to wear my seatbelt and now I always try too.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
How the kids who killed him had no sympathy for what they did to
my friend.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Even though I spent time with him..I wish I had spent just a little
more time with him. And told him how much he meant to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be his friend.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something that reminds me of my friend. Or sometimes I put
my place in his shoes and it scares me. It even makes me think
about what I would do if I were to lose my mom or dad right now..I
wouldnt know what to do.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That he did nothing wrong and died...then there are people in this
world that get away with murder and everything else and they end
up living a long time! It really isnt fair!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Bring him back!!!!!!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I felt that one day I would see him again but in another place
and time.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They didnt do enough!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Sometimes denying it .
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
denial
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 12 12:35:09 2002
F19 in mt. holly, nj =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: stroke and pnemonia and bleeding in her head; Aged: 82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a very trying time which requires great strength, remembrance,
and the help of family and friends. It is an extremely sad time
that many have trouble dealing with and overcoming because that
person is no longer nor ever will be with us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and heart broken. I was upset that i couldnt be there
when she passed. she was all alone.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how it affected my dad because it was his mother. I saw him cry
for the first time.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not a time to rejoice that they are going to a better place,
but a time to mourn and remember.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought my entire family together even though there were many
hostilities.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend was the greatest support to me. Even though we were
having some problems, he came through for me on the day of the
funeral. he stayed at my side the entire time. he never let me go
either holding me in his arms or holding my hand. and not once did
he leave my side.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching my father mourning and having trouble dealing with the
loss of his mother
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to be sure to let them know how much they are loved. Be sure to
spend time with them even if it means just sitting there holding
their hand.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned not to stress over the material things in life and not be
bitter or argumentative towards others because life is short and
you might as well be happy while you are here. because once you die
all that matters is that you lived a happy life and you cant take
the material things with you. if you remain bitter all the time or
argue with loved ones all the time there isnt many good things to
remember about that life and you will have wasted your life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we didnt know if she was in a lot of pain because she couldnt
tell us. we dont even know if she was scared or ready to go. I
just wish we could have had a real conversation with her before
she passed. there are so many things we dont know, and we didnt
get a chance to say goodbye or be there for her or ourselves when
she passed.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
she would be happy that I can overcome this
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to be there when it happened
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there the one time she aknowledged our being in the room with
her. she knew we cared and were there.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
was when they closed the casket. You arent supposed to watch yet i
didnt want to let go. i watched from the other room and actually felt
relieved that it was all over. she could relax now, no more pain,
no more people staring at her, and she could be with her husband
whom she missed terribly. it was a sense of closure.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
we speak to family about get togethers we cant call her anymore. she
used to get so excited about the littlest things just like a
little child.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
probably a little happier without all the stress. I find myself
falling behind in my daily activities in school and at work because
this has affected me so tremendously
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i couldnt be there or say goodbye
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
step away from this life for a little while
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
burst into tears and felt bad that i wasnt there with her
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I think that they did too much to keep her with us. She went through
so much pain that she didnt have to. They knew she wouldnt live much
longer yet they prolonged the inevitable. she could have slipped
away peacefully the first night when dhe slipped into a coma yet
they put her on life support and performed major surgery which caused
her to regain conciousness and feel all the pain she didnt have to
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they did too much especially since they knew she was terminal and
that her wishes were to not be operated on
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
knowing that she has moved onto a better place and she lives an
eternal life with God and shes with her husband.
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic church
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that even if my religion is wrong there is still something that
happens to the spirit in death and it is comforting
--Regarding MONEY:
our family pulled together and helped out in any way possible
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
despite differences our family pulled together
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
dealing with everyone saying how sorry they were i just wanted to
be left alone quietly. maybe a hug or a kiss but i didnt feel like
talking to anyone. I just wanted to reflect to myself.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is ok to mourn but after the funeral it is time to pick up the
pieces of your shattered life and live your life, not die along
with that person. they would want you to move on and be happy
again eventually.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would say that i loved them and that i will never forget them. I
hope she would say that she is always with me. this would make
things easier
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
what your wishes are for medical treatment it what circumstances and
to what degree. Our family disagreed on what was best medically,
but she had a living will to end the dispute. Living wills are
important so that the family doesnt fight over what that person
would have wanted if they are unable to speak for themselves.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just prayed to her and told her i loved her and that i would
never forget her. i asked her to stay with me and guide me through
my trying times. it made me feel better
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i live life a little more carefree, not totally but without so
much stress because it is such a waste. I cant be happy if im
always stressing.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I didnt have any new friendships but it helped in resolving some
conflicts my boyfriend and i were having. That day he was so sweet
that all of the little problems didnt seem so important because it
was obvious that we loved each other.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my dad. I give him more hugs now and i tell him
i love him so that he knows i appreciate him.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me realize some things that i never would have thought
about otherwise.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 12 09:40:22 2002
M36 in Fort Worth, TX =USA=
Name: Tery
Email: <terrytx=at=yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking up information on "the Bardo"
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life Between Life
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Let me know if you know
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: 34.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of this lifetime but the beginning of the next.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the happiness that is overshadowed by the sorrow.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not an end. It is the beginning.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my beliefs
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
others beliefs
--Religious Affiliation:
First Christian
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother came to me as I slept in my dreams. I walked in the back
door, she was standing there making cookis. I asked her why she
was there since she was already dead. She told me she wanted to
make me a last batch of chocolate chip cookies before she had to go.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Belief that life is not the end of our spiritual experience.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Knowledge is power. Understanding is knowledge.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 12 09:38:15 2002
M37 in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking up information on "the Bardo"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life Between Life
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Let me know if you know
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: 34.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of this lifetime but the beginning of the next.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the happiness that is overshadowed by the sorrow.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not an end. It is the beginning.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my beliefs
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
others beliefs
--Religious Affiliation:
First Christian
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother came to me as I slept in my dreams. I walked in the back
door, she was standing there making cookis. I asked her why she
was there since she was already dead. She told me she wanted to
make me a last batch of chocolate chip cookies before she had to go.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Belief that life is not the end of our spiritual experience.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Knowledge is power. Understanding is knowledge.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Mar 10 20:23:24 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
My online development psyc. class
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: illness/bacteria in the nursing home; Aged: .
--Details:
He broke his hip and that's basically how it all began.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
losing someone that held a significant place in your heart. Not being
able to speak to them, see them, or hug them physically...everything
about that person becomes nothing but a memory that stays forever
in your mind and heart.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and was horrified how unexpected and sudden death can be.
--That first time, how it happened was
My meighbor had sickle-cell anemia and he passed away at young age
(early 20's) due to the sickle cell. I used to always argue with
him cause he always picked on me but I felt really bad when I heard
that he died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I wished that I could have spent more time with that person, been
more kind, and told that person how much I loved them. Things can
easily be taken for granted and I think its important that you keep
an intimate line of communication with those loved ones.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
sometimes death can be preventable. First thing is try not to do
anything stupid that can jeopardize an innocent life. Another is
when someone dies, to not forget about that person as if :it's all
over and done." That person's soul is still living and I think it
would be sad for someone to be easily forgotten.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the good times..
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having this person calling anymore nad no more visits
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell that person that you will always love them
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Trying to think mainly good things about life after death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
Just preseverating on what my life would be like had this person
not pass away.
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Sun Mar 10 15:58:06 2002
F38 in Graham, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
my instructor at ACC
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Prof/Studies: Nursing/student
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More personal info:
NO
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, two Years ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimer's; Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When all the organs in your body stop working, you stop breathing
and your heart no longer beats.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was approx. 10 years old. I couldn,t believe it or didn't want to
believe it because it was my grandfather whom I loved very much.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Seeing my grandfather lying in the casket. I knew for sure he really
was gone. All I could do was cry at that time.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not always a bad thing. We all need be mor open minded, and to do
that we need to be more educated about death and all the things
that are involved.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I did get to be with my grandfather and talk with him before his
death. I will never forget what he said to me. I also know now he
is in a better place with no suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My age at that time. I was sad and really hurt because my grandfather
was gone. We really did spend alot of time together. Being so young
I feel probably had alot to do with it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my grandmother suffer and grieve so bad. She really had a
hard time coping and I talked to her alot and would try to get her
mind off of it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand. let them know you care and you are with them. If
they need to talk LISTEN to them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I never could understand why caring/good people, like my grandfather
had to be the one/one's to be sick and/or die.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I can not think of anything at this moment.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something or somebody that reminds me of a situation. Watching
other family members going through a loss of a loved one also at
times brings back feelings.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
N/A.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
All the mean people, killers, and thieves in this world that are
still living and getting by with hurting other people and so many
good honest people dieing. I have to reemind myself. it happens
for a reason.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
N/A
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
now feel dieing happens for a reason. I also feel that sometimes
it is for the best. I work in the health care field now and it has
helped me alot also.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I feel the doctors that helped my grandfather really tried and were
caring MD's. (They seemed to be).
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
All I know is different cultures handle death in different ways.
--Regarding MONEY:
N/A
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There were alot of people at my grandfathers funeral. I took it as
though there were alot of people who thought of my grandfather.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I do not recall any weird parts.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
cognitive changes,Skin color, breathing patterns, pupils, nailbeds.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
N/A
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
??
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have heard other people talk about their near death
experience. Some were dreams they had and it scared them so bad
they changed their way of living (for the better). Another was an
accident this young man was in and he almost died and now he talks
about how thankful he is about everything and looks at life in a
"different and better way".
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
N/A
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
My grandfather said to me,"I love you and I want you to be a good
girl. I want you to promise me that you and your mother will take
care of each other and always remember I love you very much". And
I never forget it!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My friends grandmother says her husband comes to see her every
night. "She opens her eyes and there he is standing over me and
has this white shining light all around him and he talks to me for
a few minutes, then he disappears".
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want my wishes granted. I want people to be happy and no
grieving. thinking about all the good times and enjoy their life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not sure how I would feel or how I would react, but i would try
to have everything in order so nobody would have it to bother with.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I was young so I really think most of it was my age. Now when I
see people die it is patients in the nursing home. It still bothers
me when a person dies but I deal better with it because I guess i
am expecting it to happen. Each situation is different and affects
me different.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
N/A
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel people do this to try and fill the empty space they have
inside and for some people this works for them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
remembering how sweet he was and knowing he is in a better place
now with no suffering.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I always try to make people feel good and cheer them up. I just
listen if that is what a persin needs.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought back alot of memories and made me think of my grandfather
and his death again.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
N/A
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Sat Mar 9 11:17:37 2002
F22 in Moorestown, NJ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
natural and neccesary
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very confused and felt guilt for no reason.
--That first time, how it happened was
My obese great-aunt tripped and had a heart attack. I wasthere when
it happened. It was scary. I was very young (4 or 5).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that my mom would not accept that it was okay for me to
go to school even though my cousin had just drowned. i tried to
explain that everyone has their own way of dealing and i didn't
want to be cooped up in the house - i wanted to be with friendswho
were roughly his age.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the dysfunctionality of my family
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
They didn't seem to consider how it might effect me being so young.
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Sat Mar 9 03:13:37 2002
Anon 44 in =uk=
Name: xman
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
the tibetan book of the bead
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Prof/Studies: Tao
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Autobiography of a yogi
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
paramahansa yogananda
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Colleague, 7 Years ago.
Aged: 41
--Details:
He hang his self.HI x made hi life hell,kids as a wepon.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The body give up becouse the mind cood not find the key.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I held his hand ,recall good times.He cood not speak becouse the
big c.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
m.l.king
--What I think my (uk) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a whell,it up to the one to look in & find your self.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
lies
--Religious Affiliation:
R.C
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
SEP 11 for me was hard .I wach it on tv live.Haw can a religion
say kill in the name of god.
--Regarding MONEY:
WE now pray to money.money not us run the world.we bow down .IF
you have money you can cheat,even death .
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
so call friends,went to the funeral.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
YES to me it like traveling.you are book in.if you do no know where
you are going,you will not injoy the trip.you have to plan your
holliday,do not just turn up hope for a seat.if you did can you
see the carry on.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
ONE day in the uk thay will Q your mental health.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
You have to fight your ego.IN your head count to 10 befour acting
.Put your self in the next man place,how wood i.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was not allways a good doy.I was in prison & i play up becouse i
hab tooth ake.I was in prison in prison.I cood not eat so i went on
hunger strike.I did some BUddis charnt for 3 days & night.Part of my
punishment was no bed 6am 6pm. I drove them mad,on the 3night i went
to bed.I was awaken by a light.Thay was a man in red & yellow on the
end of my bed,hovering in the air crost leg.I did not see hi face,he
was not there a second later.For the next 5 mounth .wathing to go
to court i had bad dream.I was all about my parst miss dead .I arsk
to be forgiven,I also wanted a sine .To unlock .I was given a gift.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope i did what i had to do,I do not want to coom back.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
find your self,your spirit.The taoist practic(I give the name of
the book befour)youn can see ganes in mounts.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Medititaion ,the best time is 4am to 6am.It wen very few peaple are
praying.It take a strong man to get up at 3.30am every morning.Have
a cop of tea & train.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
THE book dy matak chi & maneewan chi Fusion of the five elements 1
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Books & Films
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Very good,made me think.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Very good,I told you things i told no one & never will,ego.
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Fri Mar 8 21:01:43 2002
F42 in San Antonio, Tx =USA/78245=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Retail - Sociology Major
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of In-Law, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: sudden illness; Aged: 50.
--Details:
My sister-in-law became ill with what she thought was the flu. This
was right before Christmas. She could not shake The "flu". Turned
out it was a form of Leukemia. It was a short illness, about six
months. No thought she would actually die.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a part if living.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8. a little girl in my third grade class was killed along with
the rest of her family in a freak car - train accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the disbelieve that my sister in law was really dead.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
God's mercy and grace in helping me deal with Joyce's death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Jesus Christ.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Disbelieve.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Here I am reminded of my mother's death a few years ago.We played
Wind Beneath my wings by B. Midler. Everytime I hear that song I
get teary-eyed thinking about my mother.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
limitations.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian Non Denomination
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Fri Mar 8 17:11:11 2002
F19 in Napoleon, OH =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: student-B.S.N.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer and diabetes; Aged: 64.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is the time when God wants us in heaven with him and takes us
by various ways. Our bodies rest, and our spirit lives in eternity.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Had a hard time realizing what was going on and all I knew is that
someone close to me died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My entire family took it very hard. I especially did. Although we
knew it was going to happen soon because of his health condition,
it wass extreemly hard to accept it. I remember the day like it
was yesterday when my sister and I drove to my grandparent's home.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I know that those who have gone to heaven before me, are
making a place for the rest of us there, and most importantly,
they are no longer suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family, friends, and faith.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting the reality of it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Do everything you can to make them happy, because their days are
numbered and you never know when their last day is coming.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped with their death by the support of my family, friends, and
most importantly, my faith in God.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to explain to my younger cousins that grandpa was in a better
place, because God wanted to make him an angel.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It made me feel better at the moment, but it was quickly silenced
because I felt that it was not the time and place for laughter.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say I love you to my grandpa and tell him how much he means to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be with my family during our time of need.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My little cousins hurt as much as I did.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Who was going to be at the funeral or not.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember all the times my grandpa spent time with me and how he
was always involved in his grandchildren's lives.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think things would be the same as they were before he died, but
I believe that my family is somewhat empty and still struggling,
although he is in heaven.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
never
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to my grandpa one on one and ask him for some guidance.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was saddened, but never asked God, "Why?" beause it was his will.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Great patient care, and they are one of the reasons I want to persue
a career as a nurse.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I think they are very strong and loving people. They were superior
with caring for my grandpa.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I relied heavily on the fact that God was with my family in our
time of need.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The spirit of a loved one ascends into heaven and lives there
for eternity.
--Regarding MONEY:
There was no money for the expenses because it all went to hospital
and medicine bills, my uncles took out a loan to pay for the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was music that my grandpa loved, played at the burial site
by his brothers.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Still believing that my grandpa was still alive and looking for
him when I would go to his house, even though I know he is gone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Forgetfullness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I turned to God.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My grandpa kept dreaming of his mother.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think I was in good with my grandpa and he saw me achieve a great
deal and I know he was proud of me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandpa Campos swore he saw his mother at the front door of his
house even though she had passed away many years ago.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
To have a will and good insurance.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I prayed that their soul rests in peace.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I continue to pray for my loved ones who have passed away, and for
the ones who continue to grieve.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Only stronger bonds with the ones I already have.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I continued to tell people that grandpa went to a better place and
he is watching us from heaven.
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Thu Mar 7 21:31:14 2002
F20 in New Orleans, LA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 87.
--Details:
The last time I saw her, I predicted she would die in the week.
She died 3 days later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
just a moving on to another place. It's a new duty station.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was the first time it sunk in that I would never get to know my
grandfather since he had died before I was born.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I didn't hurt. Everyone else was crying and sad, but I was
relieved and felt good.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is natural. It happens to us all. It's not the death of
the living.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it means no more suffering. No more tears.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her and have loved her.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
that the hospice needed some major work. They could not take care
of all the people good enough.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel good. No regrets.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have no regrets anymore, so if I die tonight, that's fine. I'm a
happy person who has expeirienced love in my life. Good enough
for me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
it was just understanding many aspects: it happens, it's natural,
it's okay.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Thu Mar 7 16:07:40 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is enivatable. Death is something to look forward to. It's
like the top of a hill. You know it is there. It is also some what
scary and also intrigiing. What is on the other side?
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Found out.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Trying to relize that she was actually dead. It didn't occure to
me that she was truely dead.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It isn't something to fear. What is the point of fearing something
that is enivatable. It should anticapated. It is a much deserved
break from life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The way it effected my family. If it wasn't for them I could have
dealt with it flawlessly. If there is such a thing.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't talk about it enless they bring it up. They may be avoiding
the fact that there has been a death.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Percieve death as the only thing that truely matters in this
world. It is the only thing that is for sure. It is reliable.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why her. What made that happen? There had to be a reason.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Have always understood death. It just brough it to my attention
again that it is more then just something that happens.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
I'm great at blocking out emotion. I just blocked it out until
time healed.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
People bringing it up often was a hindrence to my blocking.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Mar 7 09:31:12 2002
Anon 46 in franklin, OH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 40 Years ago.
Cause of Death: father's abuse; Aged: .
--Details:
Though it was declared that he died from a busted blood vessel,
every relative I ever knew believed my father did it. I know my
father and mother also believed he killed my brother
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life as we know it. Most us believe that we go to a
better place. I know I do.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't cry and asked if my mother would whip me so I could cry too.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling completely isolated
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is a part of life and we need to deal with it on that level
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I knew my brother loved me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Growing older and realizing that I had to grieve. My grieving came
when a friend lost a young child.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling alone and isolated from the rest of the world. It's as
if no one knows who you are or what you're feeling and you can't
explain it to them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Everything has meaning and death can be a peaceful event for the
family if you focus on the love that is being given and has been
given in the past.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped with it. I had a short story printed about it in the local
college magazine.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was invisible to every one else, it was if my grief didn't matter.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
We tried to remember the good times we had with the person that
had died
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk with my brother one last time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
finally deal with this even though it took 30 years to do so
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was included in the limo with my in-laws
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wrote my feelings down in a journal
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
counseling
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
childhood abuse
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Mar 7 00:16:03 2002
F16 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Home School
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Prescription ovedose; Aged: 34.
--Details:
People say my mother committed suicide, but she got to the point
where she didn't know how many pills she was popping. She couldn't
control herself, she went past her limit.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of someone's mind, body, and soul.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not believe it. It didn't seem real.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My younger brothers and how they were too young to
understand. Especially Johnny, he was only 2 years old, but he
remembers his mother.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens, and there is nothing we can do about it. Like I said,
things happen for a reason, and everything will turn out for
the best.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Friends to listen and understand, not to feel bad for me, and
just be there if I ever needed them. Also to be alone when needed,
to cry and let it out. Thinking of good memories instead of bad ones
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The impact on our lives, how everything changed, learning to accept
it, and the way people act towards you. Like they can't say or do
anything in fear of hurting me. The worst thing is for people to
feel bad for you, they should be happy and think positive in order
to help you do the same.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make the end as happy and nice as possible.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be more aware of my surroundings. Though I was young, I knew what
was happening with my mother's addictions and problems, I just had
no control. Even no idea how to fix it, or even that it had to be
fixed. I wish I could have been a little more mature, and acted on
helping her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be happy again. Overcome depression.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dream about my mom still living, but It is never now, she is just
there with me again, I never recall the setting.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did this have to happen to me, and why now, why this way?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sleep forever, or just disappear
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was confused, and I cried a lot. I had to find a way to deal with
it, and accept it so I could think about my life, and make every
day liveable.
--Regarding MONEY:
We had no money, but me and my family got a large sum of money
from it, and it seems as though I should be happy with it, but I
am not. I am treated differently with the money, when all I want
to say is I don't want the money. I would rather have my mother,
but it is not possible. I am pre judged, and people think I am rich,
and have lead a happy life, I could never understand the hard things
in life. But I'm not that way, and the money has had a negative
affect. Except for the fact that now I have the opportunity for a
successful future. I am going to go to college with my money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All the family there, had no association with my mother or me. They
seemed like they were there because they had to be.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I changed a lot. I actually grew up and became a woman. Emotionally
and physically. I think it was the stress that caused it.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother's picture fell from the piano in the other room when my
dad was talking about how she left him with 3 kids to raise at his
old age. It just fell with nothing to make it fall. I have felt
her and my friend saw a white cloud in the dark kitchen. I think
she is still here in this house. Sometimes I hear breathing also.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like for everyone close to me to know how much I care for
them, and I would want to spend my last moments with them. I would
want to live out what I have always wanted to. I want to live my
life to fullest, and leave the world with no regrets.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, I have a friend who I consider my best friend. She has always
been there, and she is the only one who I can relate to. We have
some kind of connection, a part of it is that her dad died about
the same time. We can relate to each other like no one else.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
I have learned to deal with it. I can actually think of it and talk
about it without crying. I miss my mom, but things happen for a
reason, it was time for her to go.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
Changes, growing up without my mom.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It feels good to get some of my thoughts out. I like to express my
feelings, and think of how I have progressed.
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Wed Mar 6 23:18:53 2002
F66 in Columbus, , Ohio, =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Retired gov't Mgr.; minister
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Livingston Sea Gull
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sir R. Tagore, Torkum Saraydarian, Emment Fox, Rabbi Kuescher,
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Alice Bailey, Julia Cameron
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 3 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: liver cancer; Aged: 70.
--Details:
My friend's husband lived a full and active live; professor, seeker,
inovator & mentor. He was diagnosed in December 2001 with liver
cancer and died in mid February 2002. He was a very spiritual man
as is my friend, so they joinly prepared the legal needs together.
They discussed his upcoming death with their adult children.
It was a shock to the community that a strong robust man could die
so quick. The Celebration of Life which was held was a goodbye to
a friend who we knew believed in re-incarnation.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
part of the cycle of life. We are born and have our Spring, Summer,
Fall and Winter seasons which ends when our body vessel can no longer
continue. Our spirit-soul returns to rejoin with our Father-Mother
God. Our light force leaves the seen world and returns to our Maker.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad that they had such an early death. I learned that there is
a very thin line between life & death. A 4th grade school-mate died
of blood poisoning from a splinter off an old teater-todder.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how slow time passed.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We are a Spirit born into a physical body. We breath,live and have
a human existance as a child of God. When the human life cycle ends,
we return back to a spirit form.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
remembering the good times I had shared with the deceased.
I have
seen people die looking at a scene I could not see, but I could hear
them speak to someone that caused them to be happpy. They died in
blissfull peace. It reminded me of a child being asked to go for
a walk in the sunshine for a treat.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support of friends. Seeing a stranger die due to an automobile
accident was traumatic as there was nothing I could do to help.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
helplessness on my part.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to hold their hand and to be silent. Words are really not needed.
If the dying person wanted a prayer or a Bible verse read, I believe
that should be done.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
proud I was to be his daughter. What a good understanding friend
he was.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my Mother failed to inform me that my Father was in the
hospital. When he died several days later, then I was notified that
he had had a heart attack.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
We all have to have a sense of humor in order to break the tension
of reality.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk with my Father during the time he was in the hospital.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk with my Father's spirit. When Dad and I worked together,
we often "spoke" to each other via telepathy. So, I was able to
discuss somethings with him before 3 days after his physical death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I observed my partner's Mother die. She sat up in bed, reached her
hand out for some unseen person to clasp it, smiled and laid back
to exhale. I could see a mist leave her physical body and go out
the door into the hallway on a breeze. We all felt the cool breeze.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the legal papers.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss a loved one's verbal support.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
N/A
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when people die very young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
N/a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thanked my God for having my Father as a friend for so many decades.
He died at 85.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
admiration.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
thankful such is available.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a civilized method to mourn the dead.
--Religious Affiliation:
Unity Church of Christianity.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
correct. Religion is man made. We are all children of a Greater
Being, Force, Light,Rama, Bright and Morning Star, Allah, Lord or
whatever name you were taught. The main thing is to have a loving
spirit and to kind to others.
--Regarding MONEY:
Prepaid funeral arrangements are best. It is non-emotional decision
made while one is alive.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everything went smoothly. Nice to visit with extended family and
friends.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the thin veil between death and life.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
poor blood circulation, thick tongue with fuzzy speach.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am thankful that I have a active faith in God who is always
present.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My friend's Mother's spirit came into her bedroom as a misty bright
Pink/red. I also saw this happening and we both could hear her
joyous laugh. Also felt an energy and knew when such left the home.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had a near-death experience due to serious illness after major
surgery. I can recall walking up into a tunnel of Light going toward
a silhouetted draped figure. I felt light in weight. I was curious
what was beyond the Light.
I received a voice in my head that said,
"It is not your time to come here." I knew that I had a choice to
remain on Earth or to leave. Obviously, I have remained to fulfill
my mission -- whatever it is.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Fortunately I have no unresolved issues now. I dealt with them
shortly after the persons died. A psychologist helped me the
first time.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It is part of mental healing.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes, in dreams I have spoken with my Father. However, I know that
my Father's Mother has been near me for many years. She picks
out the books I should buy to read. More than once I have looked
up and seen a book inch out on the store shelf, only to learn that
I was interested in the subject. These have mostly been regarding
spiritual growth.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have a legal living will which my doctor and hospital also have on
file. I have a legal will which states that I want to be cremated.
I have informed my siblings and their children that I desire to
be cremated. I was offered a spot where my ashes could be placed.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I live each day to the fullest and do the best I can each day.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote a list of items that upset me regarding my relationship
with the deceased. I then prayed over it and released my guilt
--"Let go and let God." I lit a match to the paper and watched
the trail of smoke trail away. I felt healed as guilt was released.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Each evening when preparing for sleep we Ring a bell, thank God
for another day, pray for continued protection, pray for the sick
and affected and our government officials. Then we ring the bell
and kiss good night.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
N/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies
I grew up next to a communtiy cemetary. Undertaker in the family
for 30 yrs. Education.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
One must learn to go with the flow of the day -- do the best you can
and don't look back. We all fail in someway in other people's eyes.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I did not realize how calm I think about death and dying.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
"You did good."
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Wed Mar 6 14:35:22 2002
F22 in Toledo, ohio =usa=
Name: Robbie
Email: <bertiek79=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: psycholgy major, clinical track
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: .
--Details:
guy who's house I used to party at- knew him, but didn't really
KNOW him situation... died while jerking around with a pal on
their bikes...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
part of life. The world we live in has sin, and sin causes bad
thing to happen to anyone that is around it, sometimes at the
wrong place in the wrong time. It may cause death. Everyone is
born to die. Some just may be sooner than others.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
don't remember,it wasn't too tagic for me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
what happenened to him after? If he wasn't a Christian, then I
know he's not in heaven. And I had a chance to tell him about
Jesus once and I never did.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to accept Christianity tomorrow. You could go at anytime.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned to be more open about my faith, sharing it with others
that didn't know
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God, family, friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing I didn't do the most I could for that person while I
had the chance.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
if they don't know about Jesus,tell them! you don't just die-
you go somewhere. Make sure they go to the right place! Eternity
if forever, earth is just temporal...
--[My Acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
love God,a nd need Him in my life
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
n/a
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
witness to him!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn to be more open about my faith
( these Q's seem repetitious
to a certain degree)
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
everyone starts to think about it how easily it could happen
to them...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I once again have the opportunity to share with someone about Jesus,
and I let it pass by...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
the sad part is that I probably wouldn't have changed anything
then, I wasn't in the best place in life myself to tel soemone
else about God
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
n/a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went to his grave and apologized for not doing what I knew to do,
but ignored the opportunities just go on my happy way
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everyhting
--Religious Affiliation:
non denoninational,( often labeled penticostal) charismatic Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
n/a
--Regarding MONEY:
n/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
n/a
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
not sure how i would handle it
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a- read books though
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
make sure you have a living will & life insurance-
hard for ppl. to
cope after death, let alone deal with money issues...
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
wish I could accomplish more to put on my obituary... poor college
student wouldn't cut it I don't think....!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
n/a
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not too great, but I am not a great subject- I haven't dealt with
any death in my inner circle of relationships yet.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
n/a. appeared very thourough
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Wed Mar 6 09:15:27 2002
F19 in Frisco, TX =U.S.A=
Name: Kara
Email: <karac920=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: emphesyma; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that seems temporary for me. After I get over it,
I block it out and don't think about it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had to babysit my brother and sister and didn't get to go to the
funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mom. Her mom died and they never had a close relationship.
My mom was really affected be her death and spent the last week
with my grandmother in the hospital.
--What I think my (U.S.A) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is celebrated in other cultures. I am a white American
and death in my culture is so negative.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it put my grandmother and my great aunt out of their misery.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Probably my friends helped the most.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Having memories about them that you can't get out of your head.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to help them come to terms with God. That is very comforting to
know those who were the closest to me are going to heaven.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
know now I need to quit smoking.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I hadn't seen my grandmother in a year because my mom and her
didn't get along. Then I heard my grandmother was in the hospital.
I felt like no one told me soon enough.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I think that is a way of coping with death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know my grandmother better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with my family each time someone died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw my friend Ashley when her boyfriend killed himself. She never
even cried.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
is how many people showed up at the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see my mom thinking about it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would probably be the same for me. I would still only see my
grandmother a few times a year.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when my friend Bo committed suicide. He didn't even get to graduate
or go to our senior prom.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
move away and forget it all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried. I get a sick feeling in my stomach and just
zone out. I want to be alone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The nurses in the intensive care unit were very helpful. They
allowed our family to be in the room with my grandmother when
visiting hours were over. They knew she would die soon.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My whole family is Baptist. My uncle is a preacher and the rest
are very active in church. So we are very religious and show it
during times like this.(prayer, etc.)
--Religious Affiliation:
Christain
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
too broad almost. I believe that people who are forgiven and
believe in God will go to heaven.
--Regarding MONEY:
My grandmothers estate was split between my two uncles and my mom.
It wasn't really that important of an event.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
People were mostly there for our family. People who didn't even
know my grandmother were there.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing the bodies. Call me weird, but I am not afraid to touch
them on the hand one last time. I guess I get that from my mom.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
health problems.?
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
first came shock. Then I cried. Then I cried with my family.
After the funerals, I have tried to forget about it all.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I definitely believe this is true. My grandmother knew wehn they
were ready for her. She told us.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I never was close to my grandmother because she and my mother
didn't get along. Over her last few years, I knew her health
was depleating, but I didn't have a clue as to how bad it was.
I hope to see her in heaven and catch up.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my grandmother that I love her and so does my mom.
I would apologize for us never becoming close. And I would tell
her I hope to see her soon.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My grandmother's dying wish was that her husband accept the Lord.
She told him she wanted to spend eternity with him.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I really don't think about my own death. I know that I will die
eventually sooner or later.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
The funeral and burial pretty much close it for me. I try to stay
busy until I can go without thinking about it anymore.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I just try not to dwell on death and be miserable thinking about it.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, I know my friends who I've attended funerals with became very
close to me. We seem to appreciate each other more and realize
that anyone can die at anytime.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was able to talk to my younger brother and sister to help them
better understand about death. I did a good job comforting them.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it helped me express my feelings.
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Wed Mar 6 08:42:34 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: driving accident; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
having no functions running in your body. Death is the end of our
life, we no longer walk this hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was in 9th grade and my grandmother died in the hospital while
I was in the room.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much I was hurt when it happened
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it sucks but we don't have to live in this hell anymore
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not seeing the person ever again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
none
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt knowing that his girlfriend managed to survive and he didn't.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he left me without saying goodbye, leaving his girlfriend here to
get beat on
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
none
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
do nothing
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
move on with my life knowing he no longer has to deal with this
hell we live every day
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
none
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
no comment
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt nothing
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Music
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Wed Mar 6 02:33:04 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: overdose of alcohol and drugs; Aged: 37.
--Details:
he went 2 celebrate at a pub.was drunk and took his pills and it
killed him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Tue Mar 5 12:53:37 2002
F19 in Fremont, Ohio =USA=
Name: Jennifer
Email: <rocketss18=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Pre-Med student
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More personal info:
do not post my email address
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 3 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 52?.
--Details:
It was my best friend's father
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a new beginning in another world, away from the common familiarities
we are used to having. We are no longer functionign, our systems
are shut down, and only our spirit (ghost) lives on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
looked to my family for support, who looked at their famiy for
support. We relied deeply on prayer and help from each other to
get through the tragedy.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
She was the same age as me, took the same classes as me, and
sat in the same seat as i did. She went to the same church as I
did. I couldn't believe, i was in absolute denial and still find
it difficult to believe she is not with us anymore. she was an
aquantance of mine.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People are sensitive and we need to reconsider people's feelings.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the memories that I have cherished in my heart of the person that
has died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and prayer
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
denial, not seeing that person where you usually did, or seeing
their spouse/friend/relative emotionally upset
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
the other side is happier and blessed and you are one with God.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was there for his family and how much he will be missed.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
you saw the significant other/spouse/family get over the dying
process quickly and easily.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this has never happened to me unless i recollected on a fond memory
of the dead
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much he will be missed and how much he meant to people.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my best friend while his dad was dying.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i went to the funeral home by myself
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
??
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i forget he is gone
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have never had this experience
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he didn't do anything to deserve it
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have the person in front of me, even his/her ghost to say last
words or to see how they're doing.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still was in denial, but said my prayers and asked for God to give
happiness to the dying.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
failure, didn't detect it soon enough
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i was not connected with them
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot!!
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
realistic
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't matter
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the love that was in the room
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing them dead, in the casket, or when the casket is lowered into
the ground, knowing they're never coming back
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
giving up or asking to quit and take him/her to God now
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i always imagine what it would be like to lose an immediate family
member
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i believe my grandfather was ready to accept God, and that he saw
God waiting for him
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i do not feel that there were any unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i hope to hear that they are happier in heaven
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My uncle, who committed suicide, shot himself in the head, in
his bathtub was found by his wife who claims that a month after
his death, a message was played on the answering machine unlike
any other. There was no sound, just still air, and when she pushed
"play" it didn't beep, or rewind the tape like it usually did before
playing the message, it just played still air, which she believes
is her husband. Her son, also believes that he could see his father
at the funeral home, laughing and joking like he was mostly seen
in the corner of the room.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
the wishes of the dead and special care to the family of the dead
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would not like to know if i was going to die. i think worrying
about it would personally cause me to die sooner and not live a
real life anymore, i would consider myself already dead probably
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
learned to not take life for granted, and that it CAN happen to me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
realizing that someone felt the same way I did.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes, it has been helpful and i have been able to recollect on
memories and what i hope to have when i die. Some of the questions
were quite confusing, didn't understand what you were asking on
many of the questions.
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Mon Mar 4 22:00:25 2002
F34 in Linden, Virginia =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a stroke which led to paralysis; Aged: 66.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
sad when the person is taken tragically and young of age. A relief
when you're older and have lived a long and full life and all your
friends and family are gone too.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared for myself and my parents and sister. (My youngest
sibling wouldn't be born for another ten years). I was sad for my
mom and my aunts and grandmother and for myself, but more frightened
of what exactly "dead" was.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that it took me twelve years to cry. that I left the night she,
my grandmother, died and went out with friends. I couldn't stand
watching my family rummage around the house and picking out things
that they had bought or things that they wanted as keepsakes. It was
too soon for me. I didn't want any part of it, it felt like they
were invading her private space, even though I knew she was gone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we're all gonna die at some point;
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother is with my grandfather (I hope) and that's where
she wanted to be. Also, not to sound morbid, but she LOOKED twenty
years younger after her death. Like she had been waiting for it,
she looked at peace and she felt no more pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
None. I rejected efforts from my family et al. I dealt with
it in my own way in my own time. Now, I can talk with one of my
aunts freely about "the good ol' days" and most of the other family
members fairly well and that helps. Plus, I was able to actually
visit her grave and not break down.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing the grave, at first. I felt that I should've been there;
I lived with her and had gone to work. Her nurse never showed up
that day and when she had the stroke no one was there to help her
or call 911. Her lifeline button thing fell from her hand and she
couldn't push it. She was on the floor for four hours before I came
home and called 911. If I hadn't gone to work, I would have been
there from the first sign. That's the hardest part then and now.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to actually physically be there. I wasn't.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cherish all the time I have with my own kids and now my mother too;
we didn't always get along. I enjoy every second I have with the
people I love and I try to always be there....
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
n/a
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be at home and not at work.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live with her and see her everyday; many people barely know their
grandmother/grandfather. I feel blessed to have shared so much of
my childhood with her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
she looked so young in the casket. She looked like my mother;
literally.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I can't recall.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I visit her grave or on her birthday or when I eat a certain food
(that only she could make) or I smell a certain perfume or when I
think of the day it happened.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
n/a
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I should have been there and she shouldn't have been alone and
afraid.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
n/a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
ran through a huge chain of emotions. I didn't handle things well
at all.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a no comment.
--Religious Affiliation:
no comment
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like I hope there is something more to life than just living and
dieing and becoming food for parasites. I want to believe that
your being or soul or whatever drifts off and maybe, even if it
isn't "real" you kinda spend eternity in your own perfect dream
world...you'd never wake up, how would you know it wasn't "real"?
--Regarding MONEY:
money wasn't an issue or problem.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my sister got lost in the basement of the funeral home. Other than
that everything was fine.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the actual funeral. I didn't like knowing that the hole there was
intended for her casket. It didn't bother me seeing her in the
funeral home, or even in the casket. It was that hole and the green
tarp thing they throw over it like you aren't bright enough to know
there's a hole under that tarp and that casket and as soon as your
gone...I didn't like knowing she was going to be in that hole.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
she starting thinking I was one of her children and would
tell me stories of when "we" were little; she at sugar out of a
bowl...sneaking like a little girl, she would forget small things
(forgetting to turn off the kettle on the stove or forgetting where
she would leave something).
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I should've have depended on my family for support more than I did,
I would not push people away if it were now.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
it has; coma and hospitalized in a medical facility in S. Ca;
read my last rites and on life support in critical care. I had the
strangest dream about Demi Moore...yes, Demi Moore...I had just
watched The Seventh Sign when I went into labor (how I got there
to begin with) and apparently after my sons were born I stopped
breathing. I was flown out to another hospital and had the oddest
dream about her and some little girl named Penelope...won't get
into it. Penelope took me out though. Anywho, I remember things
that people tell me I couldn't have remembered since I wasn't
breathing at the time.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Um. I think that she is ok with that day. She didn't die at the
house or right after the stroke. It's me that had the problem
not her. I'll never stop thinking that I should've been there and
honestly I don't want to.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a no comment
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
every last detail. My funeral and all arrangements are well
thought out. All my possessions are carefully "numbered" so as
everyone knows who is getting what and there is no debate.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Ah, the question. I think about it fairly often...maybe too often.
I've been prepared for my own death since I was 24. My sister and
husband know what kinds of arrangements that I want and don't want.
Life insurance is in place, wills etc. I hope I don't die anytime
soon, but if I should I'm prepared. I'm not afraid of it though
I'm not embracing it either. Also, since I've had kids I have
changed funeral plans...before I had kids I didn't want to take
up anymore space that living people could use (cemetery) and
wanted to be cremated and used for fish food off the Newport Pier.
Now that I have kids, I'm selfish and want to be planted somewhere
near my grandparents; great grandparents; great great grandparents
and hopefully they (my kids) will join me in eighty years or so.
We can all be together. I'm more worried that they'll go off and
be buried somewhere I'm not and I'll be there alone. (without them).
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I finally started talking with my family, that helped.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
just that I cherish people more and make it a point to try harder
to be near the people that I love. Life isn't forever.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my aunt and I were always close but since we both lived with my
grandmother we have been very close since then.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
I was fairly young; didn't really understand yet.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
also because I was young, I was afraid I might, or my parents or
siblings might die.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
didn't do any of it.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not sure yet; I'll know more about that after I've stopped typing
and had a chance to think about the things I answered and the
questions "you" asked.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
n/a
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Mon Mar 4 20:03:30 2002
F19 in Irving, TEXAS =UNITED STATES=
Name: KARINA
Email: <BELLA_0782=at=HOTMAIL.COM>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: COLLEGE STUDENT
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 7 Months ago.
Cause of Death: shot and killed; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that is destined to happen to all of those who live. For
some it means a new life where there is no evil and joy is the only
thing that exists and for others it is the end of everything that
is known to man.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
think that I never really grasped the concept of death until someone
close to me passed away and that is when you realize that death
can come to anyone at any time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that everyone around me could not stop crying, and asking how could
someone who was so good be taken away in such a short time
--What I think my (UNITED STATES) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time that I was given to spend with my family and how those
memories can never be erased.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I think the support from all my friends and just simply crying to
relieve my emotions.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that when someone is gone the time when you will reunite
again is not known and that is the worst part.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
now know that sometimes death is better than suffering, because
my uncle had cancer and I feel that now he is no longer and pain
instead he is in paradise.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not laugh because the time was not right is was after that
the laughter came out, but it was just the memories of all the
good times that we spent together.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good-bye to my uncle because he was the most wonderful person
you could have met. He always put others needs before his own and
never worried about tommorrow,but lived for that moment as if it
were going to be his last.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be at his funeral and share my sadness with my family I know that
it was hard but at least we were all together.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all the flowers at the funeral. I believe all the flowers should
be given when the person is alive so they can enjoy them while they
are still alive
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I went to my grandmothers house over Christmas break and my uncle
was not there anymore it had an empty feeling and the room felt
very lonley. A part of the family was missing and we all knew that.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
which is true when someone does pass you think that it isn't fair,
but then you realize that God always does things for a reason.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time and change everything that happened,
because you do not realize what you have until it is gone.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew then that is was real and that people take life for granted
knowing that life is too precious to be played around with.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
in the case of my uncle he was misdiagnosed when he had tests run
on him. By the time they found out he had cancer it was too late
and the cancer had already spread and ther was nothing the doctors
could do> So in some cases doctors need to be more careful in what
they do and pay more attention to small details.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an answer to why things happen the way they do
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
just right because we will always hold that spirit in our hearts
and in our minds
--Regarding MONEY:
nobody cared about money when my uncle passed.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people came to support the family from near and far. It
seemed as if everyone united for a reason and everyone felt the
same pain we did with our loss.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was just easier if I talked to someone and cried because sometimes
people do not understand what you are going through.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have had none
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I think the only thing I would say would be "I love you" because
that sums up everything that you can possibly feel
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had a dream of my uncle telling me he is okay and not to
worry about him and I just felt a since of relief and joy
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think that life is like a book it goes page by page and although
for some it is long and others is short at the end it always has an
ending. It is very sad to thing about, but the more you live your
life to the fullest the longer the book will be and I feel that if
the time comes it will be the time that God has planned for you.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my friend and sometimes just being alone helps
you cope more easily.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, because it gives you a different aspect a what death really is.
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Mon Mar 4 16:41:40 2002
F32 in Graham, NC =United States=
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Prof/Studies: Nursing Student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
no not really
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 03/01 Months ago.
Cause of Death: potassium injection; Aged: 6 years.
--Details:
no, it upsets me
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
really quite a beautiful thing. Our bodies are just shells and when
someone dies, we get rid of the body (shell) but our personalities
and souls go to heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
The very first time, I was young and I didn't really care all
that much. As I get older, I realize what an impact it makes on
others lives
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Feeling guilty about my decision. I wasn't sure if it was the
right thing to do until many many months later.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Sometimes it really is for the best and that it is nothing to be
afraid of.Be
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was lucky to have such a good and smart dog. She was the best
girl ever. I also feel grateful that I was with her when she passed,
so I could see that it was not a painful experience and she knows
I was there with her during and for some time after
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband left me alone to cry and would not let anyone bother me.
He kept reassuring me that we did the right thing and then we put
her picture up on the refidgerator. Also, my manager at work let
me go home so I could grieve.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I questioned myself. Like was I a good mother to her, was I playing
"God". Was she happy where she was, would she miss me?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I work with cancer patients and see them die all the time. I don't
say anything to them, they already know. I sit and listen, hold
their hands, kiss them, hug them and make sure that they are given
the respect and kindness that they deserve. I protect them cause
they already know well before we do when they are going to die.
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize that love is caring too much and love is letting go.
However questionable it may seem at the time, love is making sure
the ones you love are free of pain, suffering and forcing them to
live for your own selfish reasons. Wanting someone to live even
though it is wrong is a very selfish act.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that bad things happen to good animals/people. I still
don't understand this, especially when there are so many rotten
evil people in this world.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Everyone needs some sort of stress relief and its natural and
nothing to be ashamed of.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have her hips replaced so she wouldn't have had to taking the
medicane and she wouldn't have become crippled.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Count on my husband.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My vet let me stay with Allie after she had passed.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Why are you crying over a dog? I didn't care then and I don't
care now. I will never care what people think of me when it comes
to those I love.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
justing thinking about it
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
In my dreams I am over over over protective
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
and its not fair. Everyday, something happens to someone thats
not fair.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Beat someone that abuses an animal. Beat them until they are dead.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started talking to her as if she were still with me. I still cry,
but that is cause I love and miss her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Kindness
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. I believe in God or a higher power, but no particular
religion helped me.
--Religious Affiliation:
protesant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
peace
--Regarding MONEY:
We were unable to afford a total bilateral hip replacement
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I don't know where they brought Allie and I don't want to know.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My other dog layed with me the whole time I was grieving, as if to
comfort me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
With my cancer patients I watch for a very high blood pressure with
cold finger tips or toes. I also watch for a very high pulse with
low blood pressure. Listen for the death rattle. Also they will
be awake, alert, hungry and jovial before death. I also watch for
irregular breathing patterns.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
death is a very natural process and to hinder it is not the right
thing to do.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My dog that died many many years ago did come and visit me.
She slept in my room and every night she would get up and go into
my parents room and then my sisters room just to make sure everyone
was ok, then she would start at the foot of my bed and rub her
head and body along the side of the bed until she reached my head.
There she would lay on the floor beside me. After she had passed,
one night I felt pulling on my covers like someone was pulling
them along the side of my bed, it was my dog making sure I was ok.
I said " Hi Sugar" that was her name "Sugar" and that was it the
pulling stopped. I went back to sleep. The weird thing was that
I wasn't afraid.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I think of my dog often and I pick up strays all the time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
knowing that my dog was healthy in heaven
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Mon Mar 4 03:32:23 2002
F27 in =Scotland=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Lung Cancer; Aged: 49.
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--Death Is:
the end of our life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was quite young and never truly understood it till i lost someone
even closer in my twenties
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain; crying; isolation no one to speak too
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing - i am grateful for none of it
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
some friends, forgetting, drinking to name a few
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
guilt and watching someone suffer
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be accommodating and helpful - if they need something ensure you
get if for them
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was just so unreal... i have never laughed so much before and
very little since... its all a bit of a blur really
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very positive - the were very helpful and understanding
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing - suffered a loss of faith
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
it never had any bearing whatso ever
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the priest who said the ceremony - he was awful
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
actually watching someone die
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
inability to eat; thinning of limbs and dramatic weight loss; shallow
breathing; rasping gurgling sounds from throat; discolouration;
possible coma..
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not aware of anything like this
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am terrified at the very thought
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
haven't had one
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes a girl i went to university with
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
not sure a mixture of everything from alcohol to just being really
depressed and isolating myself
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
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Sun Mar 3 21:04:14 2002
F18 in Toledo, OH =USA=
Name: Mandi
Email: <mandiv10=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: ALS; Aged: around 70.
--Details:
I all happened so quickly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a person has lived their life to a certain degree in which God
decides. Every person has a special part in life, and they pass
on at different times. They go to a better place to watch over
everyone they love.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and it didn't really affect me that much because I was
not mature and didn't fully understand death yet.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
it was the most recent death of my Grandfather that affected me the
most. It was just last year, and I'm more mature now and realize
that I've lost someone very dear to me and won't ever get to see
them again. It makes me appreciate my Grandmother and family more.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way I appreciate the time spent with people that are close to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
them not being here anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That I love them and will miss them very much and they're going to
a better place. This is what God intended.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize I should've spent more time with him and cherished that
time a little more. Always be ready for the unexpected.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought my Grandfather would grow really old because he was such
a great guy and everyone loved him very much. Why did he go so soon?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I helped me to get over the pain, I guess.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with those that were close to me and make them see
how much I loved them and would miss them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
realize how much these people meant to me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the first Christmas without him, my Grandma and some other family
members, along with me, cried.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was taken from our happy family so soon.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried, but accepted it as the will of God and tried to be a comfort
to others that were grieving also.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
tried, but couldn't do anything because of the cause of death.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God has a plan for everyone.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people came....they were loved dearly by many people.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
actually coming to realize they wouldn't be there anymore
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Just making sure you spend quality time and have m=no regrets. Let
them know how you feel about them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That I love them very much and will try my best
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Rights and Wishes should come first
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Not really thought about death because I'm so young, but am afraid
sometimes of dying without telling people how I feel and not
achieving my goals in life.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel closer to my family members and want to make the bonds
stronger.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
A shoulder to cry on. Life will go on and just understanding what
people go through.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Made me think about people I've lost
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Sun Mar 3 18:59:46 2002
F19 in Bells, Texas =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1.5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 63.
--Details:
It was a total shock! It involved another car, but the man was
released from the hospital that same day. There was suspicion that
he had caused it purposely for insurance reasons, but no proof was
ever found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our bodies cannot go any further on Earth. It is the end
of life on earth and is a beginning to some type of after life
depending on your belief system.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very emotional and took it very hard. I was only 9 years old,
but I can still remember just crying and crying all the time.
I refused to go around large groups of people for a few days,
because I would get too upset.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock of actually losing my grandmother and not believing that
I would see her anymore. She was the type that you thought would
live forever and unexpectedly she was taken away.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I'm not really sure on what specific thing needs to be changed
or improved. Perhaps, my culture should learn how to better help
those affected cope with the death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the one person who told me while I was broken into tears how much
my grandmother loved me and was proud of me. I will also always
be grateful for those hugs and words of encouragement given to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
support from family and friends. I really appreciated my friends
because they let me talk and get it all out with them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the actual thought that in my lifetime here on earth that I will
never see, touch, smell, or hear that person again. Another aspect
of death that was difficult and is difficult for me is all the
"what ifs" and "did I's" like did I tell her I loved her lately.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just let them know that you care and love them. Listen to them.
Comfort them. Just be there for them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandmother was taken in an unexpected way. For example, most
think their grandparents will die from cancer, old age, or heart
attack, and it confused me that my grandmother was completely
healthy, newly married, happy and was taken anyways.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was laughing because I was remembering my grandmother and the
fun times we had toghether. I also laughed because my grandmother
was probably in heaven looking down trying to tell us that we were
doing it all wrong.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just see my grandmother one more time alive and told her how much
I love her and look up to her. I sometimes wish that I would have
taken that longer look of her in her coffin with hopes that it
might actually help me deal with it.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
thank everyone that had helped me and supported me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my family received a copy of the death certificate. I don't know
why, but it was signficant when I read it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what my grandmother was wearing. Everyone always makes a big deal
about "what to bury me in" but for us, my aunt just put my grandma's
favorite dress on her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I take a survey like this and it makes me remember it all over again.
No really, I feel like crying mostly when I smell someone else
wearing my grandmothers perfume and just other little things that
remind me of her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be completely different because i would still be blessed
with my grandmother's presence. I know that I would definitely
be getting more support and more praise for my accomplishments.
The main difference would be the absence of all the painful memories
of her death.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that it was her. Why did she have to be there at that time and
place? What would have happened if she would have stopped at the
store or had to stay at work late?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back and alter that day's outcome in some way and prevent her
death. Other times I wish that I could just forget for a little
while all the painful memories.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt weak and just remember crying alone in my room because I
couldnt stand to be around anyone else.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
praise. They did all they could do to save her, but it just wasnt
enough. They also tried to comfort my family by telling us that
she did not suffer much, etc.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a support system. It also meant the reassurance that my loved one
wasnt suffering any more and was in Heaven.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
For me, the common link or spirit of death is the loss of someone
close. More importantly and deeply, it is having the knowledge
that although one is physically gone, he or she may be somewhere
else for you depending on your religion or culture. For example,
it helps me to see my grandmother in Heaven looking down.
--Regarding MONEY:
it seemed so important when it was really the least important issue
at the time. Everyone was worried about how much a funeral would
cost or what the will said. Personally I feel like it should have
not even been mentioned to a great length.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were so many people there to mourn my grandmother that people
stood outside in lines and the roads were lined with cars. It was
obvious by the mourners that she was well loved and respected.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
my grandmother not being there anymore. For some reason, it also
bothered me that she was "trapped" in the coffin.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was best to get it all out, and just cry and talk to someone.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My grandmother and I were on good ground. I just wish I would
have had one more minute, hour, or day with her to tell her how
important she is to me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love to tell her how much I love her and how much our time
together meant to me. I would hope to hear her tell me the same as
well as tell me that she will be watching me for the rest of my life.
This might help me deal with the fact that I feel that she didn't
experience anything significant in my life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had two dreams a few months after my grandmother's death in
which she suprised me by walking into the room with me. In one,
it was nothing out of the ordinary. In the other, she was trying to
convince me that she wasn't dead and that she was still here with me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Just to make the dying person comfortable.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Strangely enough, I think about my death a lot. I know that it
takes just a split second to end a life, so I catch myself saying
"Did I just miss or beat death?" If I knew I was going to die soon,
I think that eventually I would be grateful of knowing so that I
could get all of my good byes out and put all my affairs in order.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I took care of her dog. I coped by petting on the dog or taking
care of it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that i would have had to help more people. Through helping
others I find that I deal with an issue better.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
THis questionnaire has been very emotional for me, but envigorating
because it let me express myself and my feelings. It has given me
an outlet to all my pains, sorrows, and thoughts.
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Sun Mar 3 17:07:04 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 16.
--Details:
she fell off an overpass ontp the freeway
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you leave the earth
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the funeral and how many people loved and missed her
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it can brong people together when in any other situation you wouldn't
assosiate with those certain people
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
memories
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing where she is and if she is ok
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
love them make it peacful for them
--[My Acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
want them and myself to live a ful life and do everything now that
we always wanted to do
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the police tried to say it was suiced, and we knew it couldn't
have been
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was trying to make it unreal
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her at all, it was worth the pain
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
how everyone put thier differences aside and came together
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i can sense her or I see something that remindes me of time we
spent together
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
thet she died so young and didn't get a chance
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
make sure she is ok
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and couldn't function at work
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried but failed
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
some kind of hope
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
everyone hopes for more after death, no matter what they want to
feel, there is always that hope
--Regarding MONEY:
i was glad she never had to deal with the hard things in life,
like money
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the love for her we all felt
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her at the funeral, i was waiting for her to jump up and
laugh, say she was just joking and wanted to see how many people
would show up. It didn't hit me till after she was buried that it
wasn't going to happen
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
tried to forget it for a while
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Some friends her her say there names at the funeral, but I didn't
here anything
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
she was an amazing person and I have no inresolved issues, I wish
I could have told her how great she was though
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
she had never talked about it, she didn't think she would die this
young, she wanted to grow old and have alot of kids
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i hole to live the life so others will have the good memories of
me like we do of her, everybody who ever met her, had an instant
love for her
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
staying close with her family and friends, we have get togethers
at her dads house with everyone, it helps keep har alive, mostly
for her dad
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i have got to know more of her friends and it help just knowig we
share some mempries that my other friends dont have
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
my friends and I reached out to eachother and it helped us both
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it is hard to talk about sometimes but in a way it brings her back
and comforts me
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Sun Mar 3 16:09:52 2002
F19 in Frankston, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Student - Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a wild animal; Aged: 10 yrs old (human years)..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body is no longer able to keep up the functions that keep
us living, but, even if the body dies, the soul is still able to
go on to a better place beyond this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in middle school. It was the death of one of my cousin's best
friends. She was in high school and was very popular and friendly.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was affected the most in my family. My friends were more
worried about what they were wearing to some dance or whatever.
I was pretty upset about it for a while.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to be more compassionate to those who have lost a loved one,
even a pet.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
what I gained from the life of my dog. I think this is something
that most people overlook, and just because the person/animal is
not with us anymore does not mean we have to forget about them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about it with my boyfriend and immediate family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it was the first death that directly affected me. I had known people
who had died before, but no one who was close to me had died yet.
No person who is significant in my life has died to date.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen to what they need. I think that people who are dying still
need to release a lot of tension and feelings. I also think that
you should tell them how important they are to you - that would be
one thing I would regret not doing.
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to deal with death. At first, I was very upset, but
remembering all of the great times I had with my dog helped me to
get through it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I went outside the next day and she, my dog, was not there for me
to pet or play with.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing helped me to release the stress. You can only cry so much.
I felt like I was out of tears, but the hurt still wasn't out yet.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
play with her more. I wish I would have taken more time out of my
day to pay attention to her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get closer to my boyfriend. Until then, I had been pretty closed
off with him and my emotions.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my family came closer together. She was our family dog, and her
death caused us to come together and deal with it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the question of where she would go after this. We believe in God
and Heaven, and we knew that was where she would be waiting for us.
It was never a question to us, not even my little sister.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look through our picture books and find pictures of her, sometimes
I feel like a good cry. Sometimes it hits me when I play with our
new dog. Also when I drive up our driveway, which is quite long,
because she would always run down and meet us when we pulled in.
It was like she thought she had to walk us up the driveway so we
wouldn't get hurt, or lost, or something.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think it would be like before she died, except I would not take
for granted that she would always be there.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to die, and we didn't get a chance to say good-bye.
My dad had to go pick her up from our neighbors farm and bury her
before we got home because she was so mangled.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
pet her one last time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in a different type of shock. It hit me that she would not
be there any more, and that i would have probably done things
differently if I had known she was going to die soon.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I knew my dog would be taken care of in the after-life.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodism
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very real. I think we all go through a grieving process, maybe not
with the exact same steps or at the same speed. I think death is
a very reveared thing everywhere because it is the end of the life
of the body - the physical.
--Regarding MONEY:
it seems like money matters so much, and that sometimes we put the
things that are really important to the side for money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
n/a
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that it felt like everyone I knew (friends, other family members)
should be sad, but they weren't.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
not ignoring how you feel is the best. If you want to talk, talk.
If you want to cry, cry. If you want to laugh, laugh. Don't try
to channel your emotions into what you "should" do.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/a
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
The unresolved issue is that I hope she knew that I loved her very
much. I didn't play with her as much as I should have. I think I
just have to remember the things that I did do for her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would pet her, and play with her, and tell her that she was the
best dog ever.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A dying person's wishes should be carried out to a certain extent.
I understand that some things are not possible, but I think that
most of the time the dying know what they want/need. I think that
their feelings/decisions should be respected.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be less inhibited. I would spend more time with family
and friends. Knowing would give me time to deal with the fact and
get over it so I could help those around me deal with my death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I didn't really have anything like that. I just talked about it
and tried to let myself progress through the grief.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
The death of my dog helped me to get closer to my family and
boyfriend.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I was also comforted very much by my boyfriend.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
When our dog was killed, my sister was very young. She needed
much help in understanding that our dog would not be coming back
and things like that. I think helping her to understand all of
this helped me get through it.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This survey was pretty good for me. I had already delt with most
of this, but I feel that it would be especially good for someone
who does not know how to deal with death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Mar 3 15:31:43 2002
F18 in Justin, Texas =U.S.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: nursing student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Chicken Soup For the Soul Books
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
many different ones
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 81.
--Details:
Heart disease
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
what happens when our natural body can no longer keep going
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was pretty young, and I cried really hard because I didn't really
understand it very well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much easier it was to remember the good time after he died. While
he was sick it was hard to remember how he used to be.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Its not a bad thing. God never takes someones life without a reason.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
A person isn't suffering once they die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
its hard to keep going without that person in your life when they
have been there for you everyday for as long as you can remember.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them you love them, no matter who it is.
--[My Terrorism Victims's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
We never know when our life may end and we need to always becareful
how we are acting to others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people blame God for what happened.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i don't hae a clue why that happens.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to my grandpa better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know who my grandpa was and to live by him for most of my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
everyone seemed to grieve together.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i don't know
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see pictures or the grave of my loved one.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that the 9/11 victims had to die the way they did.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back and change everything if it was possible
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
there is so much suffering
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
being with God is so much better than the things of this world.
--Religious Affiliation:
non denominational
--Regarding MONEY:
nursing homes cost a lot.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone there grived for the loved one, but in their hearts they
knew it was for the best.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when I would feel like laughing during the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
losing their mind
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've never heard of this.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i feel that my grandpa knew I loved him and thats all that matters
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that everythings going to be okay
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
that I don't want anyone to blame anyone else or to feel sorry for me
because we all know that this life is only for a short time anyways.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i know that no one know when we are going to die so we need to be
living our life to the fullest every day.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Praying.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
some of the questions are hard to understand because they are
worded wierd.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Mar 2 13:46:41 2002
M28 in north dakota =us=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
A list of studies were given to us at the beginning of the semester
and we needed to pick four to participate in.
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Prof/Studies: Air Force
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandSon, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 87.
--Details:
He told his own children that his biography was complete and that
he has accomplished all he intended to do in his life and shortly
after, he went to heaven.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was fourteen
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I could not be apart of the gathering of the family at the funeral
due to military obligations.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
They are no longer feeling any pain
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
Nothing really hinders me with death. I know it will happen
eventually and was raised to accept it.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to give the family a better understanding that the military
has obligation to commit to and not always do family get to go home
for funnerals.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Mar 1 08:08:35 2002
F16 in hastings, mn =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student &pca
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The chicken soup books
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Lurlene McDaniel
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father-in-Law, 7 Months ago.
Cause of Death: a drunk driver; Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we go to sleep for ever and never walk up. But, the most
important part of us, our souls go up to heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset. I didn't get it all the way.I wanted to go back in
time and change it if I could.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
so many tears. Such a horrible thing to happen to someone who was
doing nothing wrong. Angey at the drunk old man who hit them.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
sometimes it can be pervented. Ex. don't drink and drive, you may
kill someone, don't shoot a gun for fun, you may kill someone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i learned not to take things for granted, say I love you everyday.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family, and my boyfriend
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
saying goodbye
--[My Father-in-Law's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
HATE PEOPLE WHO DRINK AND DRIVE
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i don't understand how someone can get behind the wheel when they
can't even walk. why do that to yourself or possibly someone else.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him alittle better
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
met him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just sat around and thought.smoked a few smokes.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
having a shoulder to cry on
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Feb 28 22:03:07 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 Years ago.
Aged: 74
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like a goodbye to earth and the living and kind of a hello to the
world above in heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
completely lost it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that to this day sometimes we still cant beleive that she
is gone.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its okay and sometimes that is they way life is.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i was able to spend time with my grandmother and grandfather until
i was a teen so it allowed me to know them some people dont get
that luxury
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that we were so close, i mean they lived directly behind
our house
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do what you can to make them happy in there last days.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Feb 28 07:24:44 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
through yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumour; Aged: .
--Details:
Very sudden death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A physical end. Loss.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
started to question what happens after you die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how people reacted to the death.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is necessary.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
-
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own ability to accept and work through what had happened.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Too many questions about what happens. My own fears.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tell them if you care about them. Don't regret not saying something.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
accept it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My family started acting differently.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
-
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
-
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
-
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Was at my grandad's funeral when they dropped one end of the
coffin. He would have thought that sort of thing funny.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Where and how he was buried. He wasn't bothered.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
-
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
-
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
-
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
-
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Kept thinking about it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
useless
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
-
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
don't have anything to say about religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe in this.
--Regarding MONEY:
my family had money troubles.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the church. Very colourful yet fake looking. The female vicar was
very good but I felt out of place.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The church service.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
-
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
-
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Many of my family experience visitations.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My great cousin claimed to see my dead grandma. Afterwards she no
longer feared dying.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Didn't get on with my aunt. Her husnand gone into alcoholism even
worse, children into drug-abuse.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
-
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Chilling, invasive. Frightening yet sometimes it feels as though
you have learned something or you know they are fine.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
-
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Sometimes keep busy.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Nothing changed.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
-
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
Didn't really know how to react.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Also confused about death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 27 15:30:27 2002
F60 in Fort Dodge, Iowa =USA=
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Prof/Studies: counselor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 42 Years ago.
Cause of Death: birth defect; Aged: 1 year.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Moving from this world to the perfect world, where there is no pain,
hunger or saddness. A world that is loving, caring, and serene.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was afraid of the gunshots at my uncle's military funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The profound loss.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To have a strong belief that this is just the beginning. The sooner
we make it through this life, the better off we are surely to be.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother, who was deeply religious and a faithful follower of our
Lord Jesus, died very quietly with a hint of a tear in her eye and
a smile on her lips.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belief in a hereafter.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The sense of loss of a loved one's presence.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To stay with my mother and keep her in her home until the time of
her death. This was her dearest wish.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Wed Feb 27 13:46:32 2002
F39 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Don't go gentally into the night
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 31 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 10.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as we know it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8
--That first time, how it happened was
My brother was kill in a car accident he was 10 years old I was 8.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness of a child dying
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
everyone must die
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the sadness goes away with time
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing the dead was in a better place
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing the dead person
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You are not alone I am here for you
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
death can end some people's suffering
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My oldest brother died. He was very young 21 and had been
murdered. How would I help his daughter who is 4 yr
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
didn't laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
save my 10 yr brother from being hit by the car
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my grand mother when she died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
with each death there is a new life
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
funeral arrangements
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of my 10 yr brother not even beginning to live life
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
some things I just try not to think about
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do the good ones have to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go on vacation and never come back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized I would never see that person again. Not touch them or
hear them talk.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
admiration
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
It helped ease the pain
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
heaven bound
--Religious Affiliation:
holiness
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
freedom from worry and stress
--Regarding MONEY:
people would mfight over who got what
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
for the morners to get one last look at their loved one
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
going to the funeral. I hate funerals
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
lost of interest in live. Tired of living
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It is best to think of them in heaven with all the other dead
relatives having a family reunion
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had an experiance when I was in the hospital after back sugery. I
was vimiting eery where an realy thought I was going to die.
As I watched the blood creep from my arm back into the iv bottle I
deaspertly want to go home. I close my eyes and feel like I'n floting
o a cloud. I open my eyes to find myself at home. I walk through the
door look in the frig like I usually do and walk down the hall and
get in my old bed where my baby sister just happen to be sleeping in.
I nudge he rto move over so I could get in bed . I lie down and go
to sleep. I wake to find myself still in the hospital with people
standing over me mumbling. The next day my mom calls my house
to find me not home. A month later I get out of the hospital call
my mother she asks why did I come home and leave the next morning
without saying goodbye. My sister even said she saw me nudge her
to move and i got in bed. I told them I had been in the hospital
the whole time. They still believe I was playing a joke on them.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
first you must forgive your self
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'm okay
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
not
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
make sure they creamate the body
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
no funeral please
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
none
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
none
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no
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Tue Feb 26 18:05:12 2002
F22 in north carolinia =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of In-Law, Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 80.
--Details:
this person who died was my husband grandmother
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a way of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young child.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
death can be sad, but we as the living have to go on living to keep
their(the deads) memory alive.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
respect for the family member who are living.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
God is waiting for the one's who believe in Him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the person not being there anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know you love them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I can't say there was one.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to say I love you
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for the family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my father in law held himself together so well when his sister was
being a witch.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all the flowers.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that this person died and some jerk is walking the streets
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very good.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
means everything
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a blanket
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
nothing really seems weird to me
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
withdrawl.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't care. I would like to spend as much time with my son as
possible and let him know I love him very much. But I know that
I would be in a better place and that his father would take care
of him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
everybody I have known to pass away has been a christian, death is
going to happen if you know that you are going to meet God there
is nothing to fear about death it is natural a funral is for the
living not the dead
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
people die this is life and I am not saying that the living doesn't
need a time to morn, but time heals all wonds
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Tue Feb 26 15:34:33 2002
F19 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
psychology of deadth and dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
tom bruce
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 90-103?.
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandfather died of leukemia
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
his ex wife told me i wasnt supposed to be upset
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Tue Feb 26 13:25:03 2002
F32 in Grand Forks, ND =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
I am taking a developmental psychology class and it is one of the
surveys the teacher wanted us to participate in.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: ovarian cancer; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your body is laid to rest but your soul (which nobody can see)
goes to Heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The family support that was around.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We need to find a way so we are not as scared of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I had the time with the person who died. I would not change
that for anything. Time is precious I learned that the hard way. You
think it could never happen to you then you find out your mother
has cancer and she dies 3 years later. I will always cherish the
memories I have of her, she was a wonderful person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family and friends. If it weren't for them I probably would not have
made it through my mom dying. I would have mentally shut down. Since
I am scared to die I would never harm myself but I would have shut
myself down.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that my mom would have to live on through memories and I
would never see her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know that they are loved and that they meant something. I
think a lot of people wonder what good in the world they are. I
think that somebody dying needs to know that their loved ones are
going to be OK once they pass. Let them know that you will be OK,
even though you are going to miss them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I can survive in this world without her, even though I would rather
have her here I am a very strong person. I got through this and
they will too.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I don't understand why good people have to get such a horrible
disease and suffer so long. My mom was a really good person and
she suffered for 3 years before she finally died. That was not fair.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was a way to release the stress.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Give my mom one more hug and kiss and tell her I loved her more than
anything. I was the person I am because of the person she was. She
was more important to me than she ever knew.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend the time with her that I did. I wouldn't trade a moment of
that for anything.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The nurses in the hospital were absolutely wonderful. Everybody
knew she was not going home and the nurses had a wonderful sence
of humor and treated her really well. They were there for her when
she needed them.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
People never know what to say to somebody when a loved one dies. It
is just comforting to know that they are thinking of you. They
don't have to have great words of wisdom or promise to help our
just that they said a prayer and they thought of us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I do something significant in life or when I was getting married
and now that I am trying to have a baby the first person i want to
tell is my mother.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might never have moved out of town and I might not have gotten
together with the man I married. I wouldn't be the person I am
today. Although I would do almost anything to have her back I like
where I am in life today. Other than missing her everyday I am a
happy person.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That such a kind loving person had to suffer and die when there
are murderers and rapists roming the streats free.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to her or see her again other than in my dreams.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
collapsed, that was the first thing I did, then I cried. I didn't
want to go to the funeral, I remember driving up to the cemetary
getting out of the car starting to walk forward then turning around
and trying to walk away, I wasn't going. It made it too real. My
uncle stopped me and talked to me and made me realize if I didn't
go I would regret it for the rest of my life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I wish they could find a cure for cancer. Nobody should have to
suffer like that.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Fairly good, they were really nice caring people.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We never really went to church but we had our beliefs. I think it
helped my mom a great deal to talk to the pastor It probably put
her at peace. Knowing that God was waiting for her and her soul
would live on in Heavan.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I suppose I never really thought about it. When anybody dies they go
to Heaven I never though there would be a language barrior everybody
no matter what language they spoke or religion for that matter they
went to the one Heaven there is.
--Regarding MONEY:
Funerals are expensive. I don't really think that is fair. You have
just lost somebody and now you have to pay an arm and a leg to give
them a proper buriel.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There were so many people that genuinally cared about my mother
there. I didn't realize she had touched so many peoples lives.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I had to come to terms with it on my own. I needed to find a way
to deal with it on my own. I knew I had people who cared about me
but they couldn't tell me how to feel, or tell me I will get over
it. You never get over it you get through it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know. I know she spoke with the pastor several times though.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't feel there are any unresolved issues. I am certain that my
mom knew I loved her. I still tell her that and I hope she can hear
me somehow.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Even though I know my mom loves me and she knows that I love her I
wish I could give her one more hug and tell her I loved her one more
time. I don't know that it would help me deal but it would be nice.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dream about my mom often. In the dreams she is always alive. Also
on the day before my wedding I was walking my dog in the park and
I kind of looked up and with tears in my eyes said "Mom this is not
the same without you here" Then as God is my witness I heard her say
"I am here baby" And I know that even though she wasn't physically
there she was watching over me that day.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would like to make sure my husband and kids are well taken care
of. I know they can survive without me but I want them to be happy. I
would also make sure each and every person in my life knows how I
fealt about them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be very scared. I have a life with my husband and step-kids
and am not ready to leave it.I feel like I am very lucky to have the
life I have and to have had such a wonderful mother and a wonderful
father and sisters but I am not ready to leave it all yet, even
though I know I will be with my mom.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I often talk to my mom. I am half way across the country so I don't
go to her grave that often but I do talk to her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Not to pretend they know how you feel. If there is anything I can't
stand is when they compare one death to another. I know how you
feel about your mom dying because I had a cat I was really close
to that died. Not a good comparison.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a tough questionnaire to fill out I had to walk away a couple
of times but I tend to bottle things up now and then and it is good
to bring them out which this did so I could deal with them.
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Tue Feb 26 11:31:07 2002
F19 in Fredericton, New Brunswick =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
typed in death and dying and found this site
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Prof/Studies: student of arts
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: operation on an anurysm; Aged: 72.
--Details:
he went into surgery for the anurysm. First he was paralysed
from the legs down then he went into cardiac arrest the day after
christmas and then he was taken off life support o New Years Day
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body dies
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad but strangely detatched
--That first time, how it happened was
My neighbor who I had known for years killed himself.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
lonliness
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't neccessarily the end and that the human life is so
fragile and we shouldn't take it
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mom
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that my grandfather was gone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
everyone serves a purpose no matter how insignificant a life may seem
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't realize just how serious everything was
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him before he went
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep it together when I was all alone
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
ANYTHING happens
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I didn't get to see him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still couldn't grasp it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
writing and talking to other people nd dealing in my own ways
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
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Sun Feb 24 17:04:50 2002
F18 in denton, tx =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
It is for a paper in psychology.
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Prof/Studies: major nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
She did not have to suffer very long and I am greatfull for that,
however I wish so much that I could just she her at least one
more time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the freeing of your soul to god. You watch over and wait for your
loved ones to join you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really did not understand that I would never see this person again
on earth.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not understanding why god took someone who was loved by all and
never did anything wrong. I remember seeing my grandmother lying
in the coffin, looking as if though she was sleeping.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is okay to die and eventually we will all die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my grandmother did not have to suffer for to long and she
lived every day to the fullest until the day she passed away.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My boyfriends mother and older brother attended the funeral and
just let me cry on their shoulder and ask them why.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I will miss that person with all my heart.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Remind them of all the happy times that they had and just stay
positive and be strong for them. Try to keep them laughing and not
thinking about death.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
plan to live life a lot happier and more appreciative. I also will
not regret our wish I had done differently.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she had to suffer for the little time that she did. Its not fair
for someone to go through pain like that
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is one of the best ways to releave stress and also another
way to express all the emotions.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend a little more time with her to get to know her better and to
just make some great memories
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
she her one last time and tell her that I will miss her and love her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
after she knew that all of her finances and she had said her goodbyes
she then knew that it was okay to let go and pass on.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The cost of making her comfortable for her last couple of days
of life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
she would of loved being at the place that I'm at or that I have
been there with her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think we would continue on the way we did before she passed away
and not realize that one day she could be here and the next gone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my grandmother, a loving lady with no enemies had to die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sit in my own little place and cry.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cherished the time I get with loved ones a little more.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hospice are the nicest people and most caring. They took so good
care of my grandmother and I would love to work for hospoce after
that experience.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
like I said before Wonderful and very greatful
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying together for her safety and a painless death.
--Regarding MONEY:
it did not matter until she had passed on because she was our
main priority.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that everyone there knew her and loved her very much
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
actually letting her go and realizing that she was dead
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The people finalizing things and making sure all of there stuff is
taking care of.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
crying on someones shoulder who understood what I was going
through. Talking about it also helped.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i did not have any unresolved issues, however I would of loved to
spend more time with her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to say that I love you and wish that I would of spent
more time with her. It might help me let go.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't really like to think about that
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes and when my time comes I will be ready.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
talking to family and friends.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was not able to do so.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think of more what death is like and that its not bad.
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Sat Feb 23 21:47:22 2002
M52 in Winnipeg, Manitoba =Canada=
Name: John Butler
Email: <butlerja=at=ms.umanitoba.ca>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: University Professor
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Edith Kubler-Ross, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca the Elder
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Complete annihilation.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset, and did not quite know how to react.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
When my mother died and I was told (by my father), I simply put the
telephone down and went on with my work. I did not cry or really
grieve much until later on.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is natural, inevitable, and morally neutral.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it did release my mother from a painful existence.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
understanding from my wife.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wondering how my father would manage.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that any action leading to an unknown conclusion is better entered
into with some empathetic company.
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
n/a
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This did not happen to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a conversation with my mother a few days before she died,
and she seemed positive.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something (an object, a piece of music etc.) reminds me of my mother.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I do not think circumstances would be very different.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I did not have this thought with my mother's death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to think that (as the only child) I would inevitably be the
next one to go after my father! On the other hand, the reminding
of my own mortality did not trouble me as much as I thought it would.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
people doing the best they can. As a doctor's son myself (but
completely uninterested in medicine), I understand that a doctor
is human, and can only do so much.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
None.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I have no belief (nor did my mother) in such a "common link of
spirit." I think, however, that the memory or conscience may at
times allow one to "summon" a loved one as if present to the mind's
eye, but at the same time one knows that this is simply a mental or
psychological process, not something connected with a "spirit world."
--Regarding MONEY:
Money was not an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was no funeral. Cremation followed a few days later by a
non-religious memorial gathering.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Not crying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
My mother did say at one point that one more time in hospital would,
she hoped, be the last. "I'll either pull the bloody plug myself
or come out in a box," she declared.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Grief is countered by remembering my mother not as a dying or ill
person, but a vibrant, strong lady with a good robust sense of humour
and no-nonsense world view. To see her this way helped me see that
the body is a shell, a house, from which at some point one must move.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
This all seems like specious nonsense to me.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Never.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Nothing unresolved.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If this could happen (which I don't believe it could), I would mak
sure that my mother really was released from pain at her own desire.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Never.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't want undue medical measures taken, and I certainly don't
want any priests or ministers. I want to be left alone as much
as reasonably possible, or at least not be treated as if I were
dying. No long faces, snivelling, or sympathetic claptrap. Life as
normal, please.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am certainly, at least sometimes, afraid of death or of dying,
but I know it will happen, and I think that as I get older I am
more resigned and accepting. Not having a faith to persuade me
that death is anything other than annihilation is sometimes hard,
but on the other hand, how can one fear nothingness? I hope it
happens when I am not paying attention.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
None.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it has been quite useful.
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Sat Feb 23 17:37:58 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
teacher told us
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart problems; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is when you leave this earth and go on to the promised land;
the eternal life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very sad and cried for a very long time
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandma died of heart problems
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how close my whole family had become and how supportine well
all became
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't the end. Their loved ones are in a better place now
and we will see them agian.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
all the great memories i had with my grandma and how close our
family became because of the death. we were there for each other.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
definitely my family and friends. They were amazing.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that i will never be able to continue my visits with
her every sunday and spending quality time with her laughing and
creating memories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that every minuete counts and make the most of it because life is
meant to be lived to the fullest.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
never doubted my faith because that is one of the things that kept
me going.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandmother had to die at a young age.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her. She lived farther away from me so i could
only see her about once a week.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that she is in a better place now.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
our rock.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the amount of people in my family that i have never met before.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
reminiscing about our memories with my grandma
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i dont know.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would just want to tell my grandma how much i love her and how
much she means to me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be scared because i have so much more life to live.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
praying
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i tried harder to pray each and every day.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my family has never been that close until after my grandmas death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
my fiaith pulled me through
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i reached out by just being there for my dad because he was very
close to his mom.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has been very useful
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Thu Feb 21 18:08:38 2002
F Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 65.
--Details:
unexpectedly
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Guilt
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Thu Feb 21 08:02:10 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2001 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Cardiac problems/ fluid in the lungs; Aged: ?
--Details:
My grandfather was the most important person in my life. When ever
i needed him he was always there. When he went into hospice care
before he died i was there everyday. I knew he was in pain so i
wanted him to let go and to go to a better place, but at the same
time i didn't know how i was going to deal with everything without
him. MY family was fortunate enough to watch him take his last
breath as he left this world. It means more to us than anything
to have held his hand in his passing. That's the way he would have
wanted it, all of the family together right there with him. I still
cry about it all the time and i miss him tremendously. I still have
a long way to recover even though i knew he was going to die. It's
not the actually deatht that's so tramatic, but the realization
that he is never coming back. That he is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A process in which your body can no longer sustain the life. You
can't perform the daily tasks that are necessary to make it in the
world. Your body becomes weak and your will to live diminishes. It
is basically giving up your will to live b/c your body can not
sustain normal functions any longer.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
it was when my great grandma died but i was too young to remember
how that truely affected me. The second time and the one i rember
clearly was when a close friend of the family died. He was like a
father to me. I took it very hard. They thought he was going to
make it, he had a heart attack, was doing fine, so the hospital
sent him home. The next day he went about his normal chores and then
collapsed never regaining conciousness. It was a shock to all of us.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Every one was both sadened, but relieved. No one wanted to see my
grandfather suffer any longer. After the reality set in though,
of what really happened, things became harder to deal with.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it shouldn't always be a sad thing. It should make us remember
the good tiem we had with that person, and to set aside petty
differences with others b/c you never know when they might pass away
as well. You wouldn't need to fell gulity b/c of something you said,
or should have said.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The wonderful memories it makes me remember about that
person. Memeories that i was sure had been long forgotten.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The reality of the permanence.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Comfort them, tell them that you love them, and say the things that
you always wanted to say. Let them know how important they are to
you, but that it is ok to let go as well. You wounldn't at least
i wouldn't want to make them feel guilty for leaving me when they
really have no control.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am so thankful for everything he ever did for me. No matter how
small it was. Being there for him in his last few days of life is
an experience that i will always treasure. Be there for those you
love, make the most of every moment and never say good-bye. Say
see ya later. In another time and another place know that you will.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't figure out why someone so precious had to be taken away
from me. I didn't want him to go, but there was nothing i could do
to stop it. Helplessness is the worst feeling.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i know i did everything i could
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there and hold him in his passing
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see his favorite shirt or something that belonged to him or a
place where we went together
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
and the relief that he wouldn't have to suffer in pain any longer
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Hug him one last time
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They did all they could to make his process an easier one
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the constant prayer would help the grieving process
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandfather said that he saw his sister in the room with him
who had been dead since he was a little boy. He also saw his son
who passed away before him and many other people that he didn't know
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When i feel asleep in my car at school i woke up right before i
had to be at practice. The car i used to drive was my mom's old car
and it's the car that we always used to take my grandpa in when we
would go out as a family on trips and shopping and such. I know it
sounds silly but as i woke up, you know when you wake up and your
eyes are sensitve to light and your squinting, well in that short
instance i kind of half pulled myself up from slouching and looked
in the rearview mirror for a reason that i don't even know. As
i did so i saw a ..i don't know how to explain it..a kind of out
line of different portions of my grandfathers face. It started at
the head and then that part would fade away and the middle part was
visable and in detail and then that would fade away. It all happened
so fast and it wasn't a very strong wash over of the face. It was
still clear, just outlines. The thing i recognized the most was the
eyes and nose outline. I knew those were his. Sometimes i wonder
if i really saw what i did or if it was just the sleep wearing
off. But i did see an outline a clear, transparent, outline of
his face. The thing is..the place that i looked at in the rearview
mirror was the place that he always used to sit. Right behind the
driver's seat. And when we used to go i would sit in the front and
able to see his face in the rearview mirror.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
i use a lot of things. I cry, i listen to stories about how that
person lived there life and i feel privilaged to have gotten to know
them. It's hard though even if you know it's coming, to comprehend
why someone died.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
i feel like sometimes i keep watitng for that person to come back,
as if it's a dream and whern i wake up they'll be here.
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Thu Feb 21 07:30:59 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lou gerics disease; Aged: 75.
--Details:
it was very hard watching him die. But he chose to die at home, which
in a way helped because you knew that he was were he wanted to be.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the mind and body no longer function. The life as we knew it
has ended.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, but i remember being hurt and thought it was my
fault. I thought that because it was my cousins death and he was
killed on the way to my house.
--That first time, how it happened was
My friend commited suicide. he was a very close friend and it was
very unexpected, i had just seen him 2 days before it happened. I
was involved because we were very close.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that i was surprised that my friend killed him self. it
made me think, about everything, ways i could have prevented it,
or all the other what if's that could happen with the rest of the
people still in my life
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it can happen to any one for any reason at any time. Death is
not selective.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know that all the people have left this world are now waiting
peacefully and happily in a better place. And also that, esp, in
my grandfathers cause is that he doesn't have to witness all of
the growing evil in the world.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
walks in parks, talking to a lot of people, yet at the same time
spending time by my self so i could deal with it the way that
i wanted.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing the person is gone, and trying to continue on like
nothing happened
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk to them, don't be afraid to say anything. If that person is
dying, they know it and shouldn't be afraid. so just act normal
around them
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
You realize that you sometimes are a "bigger-person" than you tend
to think you are.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my friend killed him-self and the day i say him before he seemed
to be just fine
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my friend more and see if i could of got him to tell me
what was wrong
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell my grandfather i joined the national guard right berfore
he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
every funeral i have been too, it has been a beautiful day outside
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see something or hear something that reminds me of him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i just picture my grandpa at my army training graduation and him
seeing all of the awards that i have one. and just having him there
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
n/a
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
n/a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i have a good feeling about it
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice was great, i couldn't say anything bad about it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying for my grandfather through-out his whole dying experience
and thanking God that he is not in pain any longer
--Religious Affiliation:
Bible Baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
i was in training when they took care of my grandpa's estate
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my grandpa knew a lot more people than i thought, and he touch
everyone of there lives
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
inability to talk, eat, ect
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is good to talk to people, and know when to be alone
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I felt good, i had just talked to him before he died
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i have had dreams about my grandpa, and from them i know that he
is still watching over me and my family
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
my will
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am not sure if i would want to know. i have excepted that one day
i will no longer be in existance, but until it actually happens i
am not sure how i will react.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i talked my friends brother, and to all the members of my family
at the funeral, i also played my flute at my granfaters funeral
and at a memorial service for my friend
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has made me think about all the deaths and what i have learned
from each one
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Wed Feb 20 19:29:06 2002
F21 in burlington, nc =usa=
Name: amanda furbee
Email: <funkyfurbee=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: full time student, design and psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
th bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accidental drug over dose; Aged: 45.
--Details:
my stepmother ruined everything and i think she had something to
do with his death but i dont have any proof.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that sucks the life out of you and everyone around you. all
though if you are religious it takes you to another place that is
far better than any place on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was right in front of them and it was pretty tradgic i wasnt even
a senior in highschool. it was my best friend.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
why? why her. she was so young. when my father died i alway knew
from the time i was young he would die.not my bestfriend in the
prime of her life. so dumb idiot that was drunk took the life of
my bestfriend and sucked the life out of my highschool. life is
precious dont ever take it forgranted.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with it. dont run for 4 years like i did.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
angels, there was two angels there that night, the comforted me
and my other friend and let us know that our friend whose life had
been sucked away was somewhere better and that she would always
be there in spirit.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends ad family and my belief.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
she isnt there when i wanted to talk or for my fathers case he is
gone but since he lived so far away its hard to realize that he is
really gone. for instance i still cant visit his grave site.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
jsut being there, make thm feel important and not lik they are
dying...
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized how pecious life is, there is to much hatred in th world
why make more. just be friends and remember we are put here for
one reason and hatred isnt it. love is.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didnt get all the answers i wanted.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is the key to happiness
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my father.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say i love you
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
angels
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money!!!! who cares
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i get angry and life dosent seem to go my way it brings up all
thos emotions.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
more happiness
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
its ist fair, but the lives of everyone is in gods hands and i have
had to trust that and live each day to the fullest.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wash it out of my brain forever or change the way it happened.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
about hd a nervous breakdown. for years i put behind my fathers
death and my bestfriends death by staying busy, then i moved away
and realized i didnt always have something to do. i had to stop and
think about everyhting that has happened to me for the last years
of my life. not just death but my whole life.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
really looking at it and its not just an act its a lifestyle.
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
this is so true. look atthe world trade disaster. it brought all
ofus together no matter what religion, race or sex.
--Regarding MONEY:
it wa fought over. my step mom is evil. she took anything and
everything my father had. which was rightfully my brothers and mine.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how mny people came and how loved my father was. same for my
bestfriend. it seemed like everyone who cared was there.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
letting go
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
yes, i have dreams of my father and my friend and as i mentioned
earlier the angels. also if i only would listen to my instincts i
would have know both times he night before. i had strong feelings
and a vision when my friend past away the night before as i was
awaken in my sleep. why didint i listen? i guess only time will
tell and hopefully next time i will listen harder.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i seem to have some sort of connection that i dont know exactly
how to grasp. you know the feeling you get in your stomach after
something bad happens, well i get i before it happens. the thing
is i dont know what is going to happen or to who i just know that
something is going to happen. although like my vision i have had
dreams of things before they happen and thenthey come true. i
sometimes wonder how i tap into these insights. i believe god only
allows us to see as mucha as we can handle. that is why some people
have special gifts that others dont. jsut as he only puts as much
stress and pressure on us as w can handle. some people more others
less, but he pushed us for a reason.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont think that there is anyone but god who can help me with my
problems,i have to want to change.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
im sorry and i love you and what really happened. i need to knw
for closure of my own.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
read the above
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
again, life is precious
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i know that i am going to a better place and that i have touched
lives for the better i hope that everyone has touched someones life
in a positive way.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
prayer and friends and family,look on the bright side they are
watching over us each and evryday of our lives in spirit.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
life is so precious dont ever forget it. cherish each moment you
have on earth. there is a purpose for it.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my husband.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
friends and family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i hope that if i could help in anyway i would be there to comfort
them. they ned to let it al out. its not the ones who are crying
hysterically that need the most help, its the ones who arent
showing emotion. they are in a state of shock and need to relase.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i think that the more you talk about an issue ike death the better
off you are. bottled up emotions are reason to explode. like my
mother says my emotions are like a pressure cooker and the bult up
nd build up until the pressure burst. this isnt healthy and everyoen
needs some release.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
some of them seem repetitive.
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Wed Feb 20 15:47:42 2002
F19 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Student in Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 11 Days ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 61.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
not being in the physical body anymore. It is sheeding your human
body and taking a spiritual body into Heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
pretended that it never happened and hid my feelings from the world.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that i was sad and sulking for quite a few days.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
One needs to celebrate the life and not the death of a person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
they have no more suffering and are in a much better place.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
taking time to myself ti think about everything.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing everyone else mourn the death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to talk to them and tell them that in the end, we will all be in
a much better place than we are now.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Let her go to a better place and wasnt selfish because she was
leaving me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
thats how i deal with things, i laugh. It doesnt mean im not sad,
laughing is my form of crying.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much she really meant to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help her out whenever i had the opportunity.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what she wore to be buried in.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go into her old room and remeber how she used to sit in there in
bed as i sat beside her and just talked.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do people have to suffer through cancer, while others who
deserve it live so long.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to someone about how i feel instead of keeping it all inside.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just rode my horse on the trail ride and cried for a great while.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
caring and understanding.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They were great. They helped out grandma and they talked to us.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding MONEY:
We had to do what we had to do and found the money to do it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
That everyone was sad about the loss and was worried about how the
fmaily was doing.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Learning to accept that she is gone now and i still have great
memories.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
If they see their dead relatives every night when they sleep for
a few days. When they cannot remeber who you are anymore too.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she had that stage a few months before she dies. My mom slept with
her during these few days so she would not be as scared.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that everything is much better now that she isnt suffering
anymore.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have wanted to know what her dreams were as a young girl.
Knowing these, i might try to make some of them come true for her,
even if she passes away before i get them done.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Before one dies, they really need to make a will so that the entire
family doesnt end up fighting over everything.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i died tomorrow, everything would be ok. I tell my friends,
sister, nieces, and mom how much that i love them every time that
i talk to them.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I rode my favorite horse ona long trail ride. It also helped that
my friends said that i could talk to them anytime.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yeah, my step-brother and i became a whole lot closer during
this death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Zoning Out
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I helped with handicapped children riding horses. This volunteer
work always makes me feel better when you see children laughing
and smiling.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This made me think of how i really feel about death and how much
i keep things that hurt me inside of me. It has made me think a
lot about my own death and how people will react to it.
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Tue Feb 19 11:40:27 2002
F18 in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1,4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
in hospital
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--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cant remember what i did
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i stoped studing,had arguments with family and friends
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books and reading articls about death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
everything
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
living knowing you are going to die.not knowing when not knowing
what will happen then and not knowing when you will lose a loved one.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldnt control myself
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Sun Feb 17 17:50:56 2002
F18 in Coppell, Tx =USA=
Name: Ashley Clemett
Email: <Fairyklove=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
I attend Texas Women's University in Denton, Tx. I am doing a
class project for my Developmental Psyschology class.
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Prof/Studies: College Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 1.5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: He was hit by a car; Aged: almost 2.
--Details:
My cat Lucky was a wild boy. He'd always be running around all
crazy like. This one night, he darted out infront of a car and the
lady saw him too late. She was nice enough to call us and let us
know what happened. My grandfather whom also recently passed loved
that cat too. I like to think that my grandfather was lonely and
called my Lucky to be with him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you leave the planet earth. When you are never able to come
back and be alive on earth again. But you go to heaven and are
rejoined with loved ones whom also have passed.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was actually a young teenager. My boyfriend's bestfriend died of
a herion overdose. It was very sad. He was so young and had so
much going for him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That there is so many different mediums out there now, Such as
John Edwards who speaks with people who have passed. I truly
believe that when you pass you are reunited with every loved one
who preceeded you in death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time I blessed to have with them. I wouldn't take one second
back for anything.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing you'll never see, touch, or talk to them in this world again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
knowing that they are loved and that his/her family knows that they
love them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
provide a wonderful 2 years for my kitty Lucky. He was 1.6 ounces
when I found him. We had to bottle feed him and make him use
the bathroom. I am so thankful I got to take him in my arms and
love him. He had the most personality i'd ever seen in a cat.
I miss him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandfather first passed away. He was kept at my house so he
didn't have to die in a nursing home or hospital. When he died and
was still in my house, I could feel his spirit over him. Like in the
movies, you see the spirit rising out of the body and looking down.
I swear that is what I felt. My cat Lucky, who also recently passed,
kept jumping up on my grandfathers chest. I think he sensed it too.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
you see something that reminds you of that special person or animal.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that you never get to say good-bye.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
thankfulness to have kept my grandfather alive as long as they did.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
a never helpful one. They came over almost everyday to bath and
change his sheets. Extremely helpful.
--Religious Affiliation:
I believe in God. I do not attend church reguarly, but I do say
my prayers at night.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very real. If you are present when death first occurs, you may
beable to feel it too. Although, I don't think the spirit lingers
for very long. Once my grandfather's body was taken to the funeral
home and I was able to view him, I could tell immediatly that
his spirit had already left. That it was only his body there not
him anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
if the dying person sees or talks to someone who has already passed.
A dazed look in their eye. Maybe they'll want to get up and talk
with family when the day before they didn't want to do anything.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i truly believe it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
Although I knew it was coming, it was very sad to know that I won't
see him again until it is my time to go.
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Sun Feb 17 10:49:24 2002
F42 in oh =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
YAHOO
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 1.5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: probably a clot or stroke following surgery and long illness;
Aged: 82.
--Details:
She died in the NH. I had just been there and left and knew she was
a little unwell but did not expect her to die. I received a call
around midnight that they had found her dead. It was clear when I
got there that she hadn't been gone long.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physiological functioning.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't get it (I don't mean that I was there and watched them die).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that she is probably the only person close to me who died that I
did not want to let go of. This is because she was special to me
and I felt more unconditional love from her than anyone else in my
life. I did not experience this with my sister or my father.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
accepting that it happens to everyone and that there are expected
stages of gried.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I am a nurse, and usually in the clinical settings my loved ones
have been in, the other nurses and helpful to me so that I can be
strong. I think knowledge is helpful
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the personal loss.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have a minister see my aunt.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
speak at the funeral
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
All patients need their own advocate because the system just does
not provide it.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
We did not have hospice but I am supportive of the concept and
local organizations.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a way to have the closure ceremony-funeral.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding MONEY:
my family put me in charge of the funeral and I didn't have to
worry about the money but I blew too much on it because she was
such a big deal to me.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I probably made way too much of it and it was harder for others as
a result.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my uncle reported that my aunt came to speak to him a day or so after
she died and told him not to start drinking. He felt it really was
her. This would have been an important message. I have never had
this type of experience.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If you feel strongly, put it in writing. Both my mother and
mother-in-law did things my father and father-in-law expressly said
they did not want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't know. I know what kind of funeral I want.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I've come to understand and accept death better over time. I am
a health care professional and remain clinical in my approach as
much as possible.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think this is helpful just to share.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Feb 16 07:18:27 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Nil
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Nil
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Self (near death), 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 15.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
similar to falling asleep for eternalty.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was petrified, the pain and grief only came hours after the person
has passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the number on the car's lisense plate after it knockedme down.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
We must think of it as a natural course, not let death fill us with
fear until the day we die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it knocked some sense into me. It reminded me that life is short,
and I should live life to the fullest.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Jesus Christ waiting for me at the end of my life in this world.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fear that my loved ones would not be able to deal with the fact
that I am dead.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Pray.
--[My Self (near death)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
deal with it calmly.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I fell to the ground, I could not understand why I was not as
terrified as most people would be.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Feb 11 19:31:11 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father-in-Law, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 63.
--Details:
Our family used hospice services. This made it possible for him
to die at home surrounded by his loved ones. He waited for all
four of his children to be at his side (from around the country).
His passing was beautiful, loving and peaceful. It was the catylst
for my finding my faith in God. It was a significant event in
my life. Very positive experience.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is just the vehicle in which we return to the place in which
we came. There is no ending of life. Life continues on in the
place where we came from; the place where we rejoin Our Creator and
are reunited with our loved ones. It is the process by which our
energy/spirit/soul exits this physical plane and returns to that
of spirit/light/All Love.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was moved beyond words.
--That first time, how it happened was
My great grandmother died. I think I was 7 or 8. My mother didn't
tell me the truth...she thought I wouldn't understand death, I guess.
I didn't find out she had died for a few months later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
love. peace. power and control. Spirituality. Hand holding around
my father in law. Releasing him into the herafter, encouraging
him to go to the light.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to conquer our fears. There is nothing to fear. It is a
transisiton. We do not die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Fire in the Soul, Joan Borensyko
We Do Not Die and all books by
medium George Anderson
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Saying goodbye. Unfinished business. Letting go. Trying to ease
the heartache of those left behind.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Honor their wishes. Talk about dying and death with them. They want
to talk about it! They often protect their loved ones or worry
about burdening their loved ones.
--[My Father-in-Law's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
changed my faith because of it. Found God.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
grappling with why bad things happen to good people. Why there is
pain and suffering in the world.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
My mother keeping the truth from me made it impossible for me to
"deal" with death
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Feb 11 09:36:31 2002
F18 in Dallas, TX =USA=
Name: Leslie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 Days ago.
Cause of Death: Parkinson's Disease; Aged: 80.
--Details:
She was my favorite person. I've respected her more than anyone
else in my life. We were very close as I saw her at least once a
week for my entire life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a release from all pain, but perhaps not a release from this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't stop dwelling on the fact that I would never see that
person again.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandfather, I was about eight years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the connection we all felt with our family afterwards. Every death
within our family has made the surviving members closer.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not the end of a person's life. If you look around, you
can see that person in the face's and actions of the rest of
their family. They can live on through others.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family because they were the only ones who truly knew what I was
feeling, for they were all feeling the same things.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I could never talk to that person again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't cry.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's good to laugh. It's good to talk about old times with the
person. It helps to recall funny experiences that you had with
that person. It reminds you that they actually were once a part of
your life and that they did have a positive influence on your life,
even though they left you.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her more in her last days instead of just avoiding the situation.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have family around to talk to.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
You can still be living in the same reality both ways. Imagining
they are still with you is good. It helps to remember that
person. It's better to imagine that they are still here instead
of forgetting.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and help in understanding
--Religious Affiliation:
Unitarian Universalist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that everyone is connected. There is a force that connects every
human being. This is how she is still alive. When I look at
members of my family, I can see my grandmother and continue to feel
her presence.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the fact that my friends (ones who I hadn't even told of the death
to) showed up to support me
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream that my grandmother was alive. She was lying in bed
and looked exactly how she had after she died, but suddenly she stood
up and picked something up off the floor. We ended up spending the
day together. I continually told my parents (in the dream) that she
was alive, but they kept saying, "No, Leslie, that's not her, it's
just her body." I had the dream continuously for about six weeks.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Sun Feb 10 20:02:48 2002
F20 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Lifespan Psychology class
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Prof/Studies: Psychology student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
--Details:
Died after a long battle with cancer.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the physical life ends.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was the most emotionally stable in my household.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
missing Uncle Frank at family gatherings.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is only a passage in the big picture.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family's realistic approach with death, and how they have never
lied and said someone "went away", when in reality they died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
sad songs on the radio.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to them and respect their wishes and opinions even if you
don't agree.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
did not expect his death to affect me as much as it has, even now
a year later.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I looked at him in the coffin, and he didn't even look like the
same person--dead people look very different.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
every one really made an effort to be there for each other, even
before he died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the actual services.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a song plays on the radio that reminds me of him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
bizarre question.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone that is so thoughtful and wonderful could die such a
horrible death.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
respected it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
he stayed at home--no hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
strength and support.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting in times of need.
--Regarding MONEY:
no issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
peaceful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how i found out he had died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
expect the worst.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
never has happened.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wish I would've got to know him better.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
one's children.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking to Jesus before I go to sleep.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
talking to Jesus before I go to sleep.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Music
Songs frequently upset me
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried to be there for my family as best I can by being there if
they needed to talk.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Interesting questions.
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Sat Feb 9 11:39:59 2002
F36 in Graham, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 47.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a major loss. It can remind us how little control we have in life.
It's permanent.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to react. I was hurt, but I couldn't cry.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sadness, but some happiness because my brother became a better
person the last two years of his life.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we are all facing it, and they should be more thoughtful to the
ones dying and their family.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my brother didn't have to suffer with cancer for many years like
some, yet he had time to get his affairs in order.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
gardening and talking to my sister.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loneliness.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just to be there for them.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
really got to know him without pretentions.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he faught so hard to live.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed at some jokes with my brother because it kept us from
crying.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
share one more Christmas with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be strong for him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my brother took enjoyment from simple things in life, like children
playing outside.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch my children sleep and hope that I don't outlive them.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would certainly cherish life more and worry less about cleaning.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I just really became close with him and now he is leaving.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go to sleep and wake up as though it was just a bad dream.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
a few days after the funeral. Up until then, I was so busy with
funeral arrangements and visitors.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they have their limits.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were very caring.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My brother was saved, but for me, I questioned things.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like it exists to some degree.
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't matter.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
many people showed that they cared.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
dreams that I had about him still living.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
trouble swallowing; trouble urinating; sudden loss of weight
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I wasn't satisfied to be away from him. It was tiring, but when
I left I wasn't comfortable.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
it didn't happen.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any unresolved issues.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dreamed that my brother was still alive but he wouldn't talk to me.
I had this same dream about my father.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think dealing with death makes you question your own mortality.
I just hope that I live long enough to see my children grow up and
have enough time to get my affairs in order.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
working in my garden and planting a tree because my brother also
loved this.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still garden.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes with my brother. We had never exactly been friends, but we
became friends when he was diagnosed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
most of the family helped one another.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it has been helpful because my brother's birthday is coming up
in March and sometimes I feel a little depressed around that time.
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Fri Feb 8 14:22:28 2002
F45 in Opelika, AL =USA=
Name: Cheryl
Email: <matheny=at=physics.auburn.edu>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
yahoo search
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Prof/Studies: Office Adm., Supv
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More personal info:
can't think of anything right now - hey - it's Friday afternoon!
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
n/a
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 19 Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown; Aged: 26.
--Details:
found dead in his car on the side of a road...unfortunately no
autopsy was ever performed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end as we know it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried & anxiety attacks........
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
couldn't believe it.......did not seem real.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can happen at any time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
we were very close - my brother/sister than cousins.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing them & the good/bad memories of childhood through adulthood.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that's a hard one.....tell them that I love them and that everything
will be ok...?
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the unexplained & untimely death
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
he must have been talking to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
made him ride home with me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have seen him 3-4 hours before his mysterious death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
talking to him as he lay in his casket.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the way he lived his life
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go to visit his grave - which is where my father is buried also.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it really doesn't...I dream about him all the time & they are at
the age we were when he died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
and are angry with the world.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back or at least see & talk to him one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt numb & cried somemore
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they didn' have a chance.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
real
--Regarding MONEY:
money didn't have a play
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many firends he had that I didn't know about
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
so final
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
dementia & watching my mother slowly dweendle away.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
it happened to my mother in 1969 after brain surgery. She swore
her father (who was deceased) came in her hospital room, sat on
her bed & told her everything was going to be alright.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
things are pretty much on the up & up now. Except for the loss of
my Mother who died 3 years ago & a very close friend who died almost
2 years ago (another sudden & unexplained death - those, I hate).
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would make me feel good although I know it wouldn't bring them
back. I suppose just talk about whatever came up or what's been
going on since they passed over.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My visitors come in my dreams quite frequently & they are
always different, my Mother, Father, Cousin, & several friends
that have died in the last few years. It's like they never
left.........strange.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The Right to Die is very important to me. I do not wish to be
hooked up to tubes, machines, etc. to prolong life - that is in NO
way living. My Mother had to go through some of that & I wouldn't
wish it on a dying dog.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It would probably scare me to death (no pun intended) but I would
like to know if I were going to die so I could get all my faculties
in order, etc.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
visiting their graves or looking back at old pictures
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
still do the above occasionally
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
now that you mention it - there is one.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
talking to my Mother
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I continued reaching out to others. Since I had taken care of my
Mother for 10 years before her death - it was hard to stop want to
help others - I continue to today.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
some of the questions could be re-worded since I got off of my
cousins death and onto my Mothers - which both affected me very much!
Overall, good survey.
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Sat Feb 2 16:49:26 2002
F48 in =UK St Albans, Herts.=
Name: marion
Email: <mazg10=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: clerical
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: ischaemic heart disease; Aged: 68.
--Details:
he survived his first heart attack, but three weeks later,at home,
experienced chest pains. Was admitted to hospital, where he died
same day
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing from one state of conciousness to another
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had the peculiar sensation of standing outside of myself while i
was being told the details. i remember my responses felt like they
were coming from someone else, like i was on 'auto pilot'
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a feeling also of awe and wonder, and later on, when my mother
passed, a feeling of joy for her. I felt awkward though, at having
to deal withn other members of the family's grief
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i'm glad I was able to be of practical help to my mother - helpng
her plan dad's funeral, doing all the running around etc; -its
these things which gave me the most comfort
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I really don't know. it was just a general, strong, feeling of being
able to cope 'all on my own' as it were. i also had the sense that
my father was with me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to say what was in my heart to my mother &
sister. also, the sight of all those coffins in the undertaker's
catalogue filled me with utter dis-belief ' this cant be for dad,
surely' he can't go into one of those things!!!'
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just that! Being there, for them, giving them this one, final
service. Being able to listen to them say, and perhaps pass on,
their final words, holding their hand so they are not alone.
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
finally started to grow up - to deal with my own issues that i had
left on the back-burner, so to speak, and which i couldn't work
through while they were both still alive
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I kept on thinking, that i was coping far too easily - that anytime
now, or in the near future, this death would 'hit me like a ton of
bricks' I waited for this to happen, and it never did. Same with mum,
too. Puzzling.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
whatever emotion comes to the surface, and, if it does no harm to
others, Honour it!! My father found humour in funerals - i laughed,
aloud,at his funeral,at the thought of what he would be saying
at his!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be with both my parents more, before they 'moved on' Its a shame that
i didn't have a more honest and open relationship with them before,
and i'm sure that they feel the same about their feelings towards me!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Cope.And draw strength from a higher source.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a certain song, or birdsong, or the sea,
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would not be the person i have evolved into today. I would not want
that. there's no way i want to go back to my 'old ways, old days'
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I thought about this when my father died and left my mum, who was
wheelchair-bound, and at the mercy of my emotionally unstable sister
(they lived together) A year after his death, my mother booked
herself into a nursing home to get away from her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to reach out to other people, in a way i never had done
before, and strangely trusted them more. They would tell me of
their experiences, and i would be comforted
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did their (adequate) best i suppose. i dont think they try
too hard with older people on our NHS
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing much, I certainly didn't need dogma at a time like that. My
mother had a visit from the local clergy - she may have found
comfort, but he had the air of wearyness about him - as though she
was just another of his visits
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I couldn't have said it better. It matters not a jot of WHAT we are
in this world, or what mask/affiliation we wear to satisfy society
- we are all one. We come from one source -we ultimately go home
to that source. I SO WISH that other cultures- the warring ones
especially - would see this and stop their bloody bickering
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
a heartfelt feeling that it was them (undertakers) that 'sorted'
it all out, and not us, the family
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it was the beginning of a spiritual road for me, the beginning of
'growng up'
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i would have liked to have known whether they experienced this.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i have talked to my deceased parents about certain issues, and i
like to think that they have listened
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say sorry.They would say sorry
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
ask me another!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i concsiously set out to be closer to those that i knew - i became
more 'aware'
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
an increasing fascination with all things spiritual - a searching
for my own meaning in this life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
i first realised how kind people could be. I also compared my
experience with other's
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
see above answers to becoming 'closer to people'
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has been useful, yes, tho i have felt some discomfort with one
or two questions. i like questionaires generally though!
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Sat Feb 2 15:52:23 2002
F17 in nb =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I jusk ask to do a questionnaire for fun, and I found this one.
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Prof/Studies: school
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More personal info:
I do not want anyone to see this, eccept the general comments if
it can help someone else. I don,t want people to know it's me.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Chicken Soup for the Soul
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
????????
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The endind of a human life. People who loved that person will
find any belief to help them take the death easier. Human beings
have found many ways to think that the deceased will be better,
so they could let go, which is completly normal, perhaps real.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
only realised the affect it had on me years afterward
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My grandfather died when I was around 12, and that death was really
hard on me, `cause he had been like a father to me. His death forced
me to accept my father's death, that had occured years ago. I was
really hard dealing with 2 deaths in the same time. I remember
crying for my grandpa and remembering what had happened 6 years
before that, that I almost forgot about.
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People have the right to believe everything they want to in order
for them to heal, as long as they don"t hurt anyone. No one knows
what happens afterwards, so they should not force people to share
the same believes.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When I leave, the people that love me will be grateful of certain
things, and regret some. They will be hurt, but after a while,
it will be a wake-up call, remindind them to accomplish what they
want to because life is short.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Keeping hope for the future and stop asking myself why it happened
to me and feeling sorry for myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I did not get to spend time with my dad before he died because he
wasn't around much. My grandma told me that I was my grandpa's
favorite `cause I lived with them for a while and that it was sad
that he was beggining to get sick when I was born. She knew he was
sick, because he changed and drank a lot to make the pain go away.
He died of cancer caused by smoking. They didn't have to die.
Also, at father's day was hard, especially when the same catholic
none teached me for two years and made the children whom didn't have
a father raise their hands to know who would not have to decorate
a card.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You might go soon, but you can say something, just touch a person a
certain way, or have courage, and it will affect somebody else for a
long time. Death is nothing when you still live in somebody's heart.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am strong and I accomplished a lot by not wanting to be a victim.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was asking my mom how he died and and she didn't want to tell
me that he killed himself, so she invented stories, which were not
always the same.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not know how to tell people how hurt I was.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
understand my dad. I use to pray for him to die! I didn't really
mean it, at 6, I did not know how to help my mom otherwise. I wish
I would have appreciated more the moments I had with him. He was not
often drunk around me, and he was a good dad, I was still mad at him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
luv him!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i met some people in my father's family for the first time, and
they knew me and felt bad for me!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Taht my father was not on drugs when he died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something in my llife goes wrong, I remind myself all those loved
ones and hard times. When something hurts me, it makes so much
worst.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd problably be closer to my feelings. I got hurt so bad too often,
I don't want to love anyone. If they were still here and I'd trust
people, I'd be surrounded by love.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
All the people around me are dying, or moving, or I'm moving,
or I'm not allowed to see them. I feel like the people who mean
something in my life are far from me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
feel mydad's arms around me or just remember how it felt. I don't
remember.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
always hoped that someday my father would take his responsabilities,
and that I'd have a dad. When he died, things pretty much stayed
the same, eccept, that the hope went away.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They cure the people who are already sick and I'm very grateful for
that, but they don't provide it. They see suicide has a weekness
instead of a sickness.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They were great with grandpa. I wasn't there too often, I was too
week to go, but I heard they were really good to him. THANK YOU!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A lot to my family. Ai believe more in angels, and the fact
that they will never really leave me and that tehy are good where
they are.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic, but I don't belienve in it. I believe in some of it and
not in some parts.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true
--Regarding MONEY:
I was too young to realise.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I only remeber that I had made a drawing ant that they were nice
enough to let my uncle out it in the coffin.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
To realise that he was dead and to still have the same fellings for
him and that I was allowed to. He was not the best father and the
best friend thet everybody say he was, and I do not have to feel
bad feeling this way.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
depression, drinking
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I neede a lot of love and help not to be mad at them because I used
to say if they really loved me, they would have took better care
of their leath and would still be alive.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I saw my father tice after he died. My grandmother dreamed that she
was climbing this beautifu mountin and my grandfather was ahead of
her, climbimg sooooo much easily and kept on saying that he could
see all the people that have passed before him. Shr could not
climb even if he really wanted her to, she kept falling. He died
soon after that. I know a lot of stories like this, but it takes
tool long to write, sorry.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I did not really understand, so also just not thinking about it ,
and crying years after.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Fear that I couldn't love in fear of loosing that person,
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Fri Feb 1 10:58:11 2002
F19 in Denton, TX =US=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 9 Months ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 18.
--Details:
His death accured the afternoon of graduation practice. The boys
went to the lake to chill and have a good time. They ended
up flipping the raft and neither of them had life jackets.
Once everybody was at the surface of the water except one, they
went crazy. They couldn't find my friend. So they called the cops
and there was a 3 to 4 day search for his body. The morning after
graduation, they found his body floating up to the deck. They said
his foot had gotten caught under water and didn't let him get loose.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
usually a natural thing. God makes the decisions based on ones
life span. Yet, there are also accident that accure. Life is setup
to have problems and they get so bad that they get out of control.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little girl. My great grandmother had passed away at the
age of 85 or so. I was to young to understand.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
at my grandpa's funeral. My brother, being in the marines, wore
his uniform. From a distance a man started playing the trumpet,
being that my grandpa was a veteran. My brother turned around and
soluted my grandpa as they lowered him into the ground. I began
to cry, it was so sad.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing that it could have been me. And that way I better appreciate
my own life and live it the best way I can.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being with my friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to face everybody.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just having the person be with there loved ones. Next to his side
and making the last moments memerable.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became aware of the bad things I do that would possible have me
end up in the same position as they did.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
a person could never be so perfect and have God take his life away
at such a young age.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with them. Telling them how much they mean to me
and much of a chance they've had because of there excistance.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to see the real person, like there heart and soul.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would just change the way I act towards the person.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get what I want and everybody would appreciate me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just knew that they went to a better place. For those who suffered,
they now rest in peace with the lord above.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
would pray for the souls that have just past and/or to get well
and to continue living.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
alive with in me.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that we got the biggest chapel and yet it was so crowded. The was a
line that practically went around and out the doors. People would be
in line for about an hour to just pay there respects to the family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I always find someone special, like I make a kind of connection
with somebody.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Well, I know that I never had the chance to tell them when they
were alive, but I know that there could hear me and see me.
They understand what I'm going through and yet they still love me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would probably make things better, but until then.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I once had a dream of my grandpa. He looked so young and handsome
I hardly recognized him. I was like trying to tell me to tell my
aunt that he was ok. He finally was in peace and for her not to
worry, that everything would be okay. He would be watching over her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would want people to not be sad and to be happy that I'm going
to a better place. To just think of me and I'll listen.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I pray every night, and sometime during the day. I pray to god to
bless all the people in the world and then I add in a couple of my
own special thoughts.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 1 10:45:07 2002
F49 in Madison, WI =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: RN
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kubler-Ross
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimers Disease; Aged: 72.
--Details:
Died as a result of this illness and possibly aspiration pneumonia.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of our life on this earth, the earthly shell we live in
dies and our spirit flys away to a new life in a new body in heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
struggled with nightmares afterwards.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fatigue and confusion of the grieving process.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a part of life and will effect every person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a death of one of my patients when I was in nursing school. Her
death brought me to my knee's spiritually and I became a born again
Christian. I had promised to come and see her at the nursing home
and got there a little while after she died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My Christian faith, talking with others and reading about grief.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The incapacity of the grieving process.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
read the bible to them, do mouth care, give a back rub, run errands
for the family members, make phone calls, etc.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it's too soon.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a coping tool to deal with the pain.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with my Dad when he died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my dad had to die so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have a long time off of work or work less.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration and anger.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Very good, they made a big difference.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort, support.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
the cost of the autopsy, the cost of every thing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it helped to have the support of others.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
everyone in the room like at a family reunion but with my dad in
the dying process.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
restlessness, dec. oral intake, moaning.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am coming out of numbness into anger.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my Dad smiling off into space.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Talking to People
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Send cards with money, call, take food over.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 1 10:00:49 2002
F52 in Amarillo, Texas =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Law Enforcement
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Anything by C.G. Jung
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 44.
--Details:
He had been very sick and in the hospital with pneumonia a couple
of times. His lung cancer was diagnosed three weeks before his
death. He called me on a Thursday and died the following Tuesday
. . . February 29, 2000. My grief is deep. I feel as though I've
lost part of myself.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the physical body, but our spirit . . . our very essence
. . . lives on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
behaved like I thought I was expected to behave. I grieved like
everyone else.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was like some cosmic force had literally kicked the breath out
of me. I cried so hard that I choked.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
hey . . . it's gonna happen! Accept it and deal with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it gave us a chance to say goodbye. . . and express how much we meant
to each other. My last words to him were, "Always stay near me."
He replied, "Always." I believe that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Writing about him. We used to go up to a lookout mesa and look down
on his town. Sometimes I picture him standing up there with the
wind blowing through his hair. I remember the good times we had,
but even the bad times were good with him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I will never hold him again . . . or hear his voice . . . or
his laugh. I felt (feel) as though someone pulled the rug out from
under me . . . and I'm falling without him. I'm not sure I know
who I am without him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk about it! We should not grieve alone.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Cry . . . cry . . . cry. And then, hold your head up and go on.
Tears don't wash away the pain, but they relieve some of the hurt .
. . as if to bring that person nearer.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why? He was young, he lived a healthy lifestyle, he was in shape;
never smoked a cigarette in his whole life . . . and lung cancer?
Not fair.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It's been almost two years now and I sometimes wonder if I will ever
laugh again. If I do, it will be different. He was my twin flame,
my soulmate. Part of my essence is gone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Make him see just how deep my love was for him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hold on to my memories of him . . . like photos in an album.
At will, I can see him, smell him, taste him . . . and hear his
laugh.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
A woman walked into my office one day and was talking to me, when,
in mid-sentence, she stopped and proclaimed that she saw a tall
man standing behind me to my right. I forgot about it until a
week later, my right earring literally FLEW across the room. As I
bent to pick it up, a warm feeling came over me and I whispered,
"Welcome back."
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the rituals surrounding death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
No, I NEVER think I'm over it. The tears form at the mention of his
name. I have to force myself to move on away from painful moments.
I could cry a river if I let myself.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The road not taken? I regret that I always thought there was all
the time in the world.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's not fair at all!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Scream his name and make him come back to me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sobbed . . . sobbed . . . sobbed. Felt so helpless and . . . mortal.
How could "our story" end like this?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
we're guinea pigs and they don't really care.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Fuck 'em! They couldn't save him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
He was Catholic and I am Wiccan. We called in all the Forces,
tried to cover all bases.
--Religious Affiliation:
Wicca (Blessed Be!)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
warm and comforting. I believe we were meshed and he will always
be part of me.
--Regarding MONEY:
doesn't apply
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't attend the funeral. I am "the other woman".
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
sort of a relief; knowing he was not in pain.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I never knew someone could die so fast from cancer. I thought
it lingered and there would be time to say all the things that
needed saying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't know . . . just offer them support and don't bid them stay.
Death is better than seeing that person ravaged by pain.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He didn't want to leave, but he did it with grace. I believe my
name was the last word he spoke, my eyes were the eyes he "saw".
I believe, with all my heart, he died loving me and knowing that
I loved him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had a car accident when I was sixteen and was not expected to live.
Even though I was not conscious, I know I had the will to live.
I did experience a NDE and it changed the rest of my life, made
me more spiritual and I just simply was no longer "religious".
I felt I had answers that no one else could understand unless they
had had the same kind of experience.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am married. When I met "him", I still had children at home and the
plan was to leave when the kids were gone. Things kept happening
and I kept putting "that day" off. The only person who could help
was a mutual friend of ours', whom I have not seen since his death.
Someday I will . . . when the time is right.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I resolve it in my mind. If one last conversation was possible,
I would not be hesitant in revealing just how much I adored him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As mentioned above: the earring incident(s). It has occured several
times since and has even been witnessed by others in my presence.
It only happens when I wear once certain pair of earrings and ONLY
my right earring. He had a good sense of humor . . . maybe he
still does; he would do something like that to me. (Oh, please,
come near me now, mi amigo!)
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
"I don't want you to go, but go ye must . . . if ye must.
Sweet peace be your's. Always stay near me."
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die . . . I like it here on earth, but when I do
(and I probably will . . . ha!), I know my spirit will find his
spirit and we will start over. Hopefully, the lessons have been
learned and the next time we will get it right.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I burn a candle every day for him and wish him sweet peace.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I took him so for granted that now I consciously try to hold on to
every memory. I won't let him leave me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, indeed! The bond with these people is instant and strong.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Let them cry! I wish I had had a shoulder to cry on, but due to
the situation, I grieved all alone. And it's been hard.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire asked all the questions that I had answers for!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Nope. You did good. In fact, it was a sweet release.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 1 10:00:15 2002
F52 in Amarillo, Texas =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Law Enforcement
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Anything by C.G. Jung
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 44.
--Details:
He had been very sick and in the hospital with pneumonia a couple
of times. His lung cancer was diagnosed three weeks before his
death. He called me on a Thursday and died the following Tuesday
. . . February 29, 2000. My grief is deep. I feel as though I've
lost part of myself.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the physical body, but our spirit . . . our very essence
. . . lives on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
behaved like I thought I was expected to behave. I grieved like
everyone else.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was like some cosmic force had literally kicked the breath out
of me. I cried so hard that I choked.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
hey . . . it's gonna happen! Accept it and deal with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it gave us a chance to say goodbye. . . and express how much we meant
to each other. My last words to him were, "Always stay near me."
He replied, "Always." I believe that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Writing about him. We used to go up to a lookout mesa and look down
on his town. Sometimes I picture him standing up there with the
wind blowing through his hair. I remember the good times we had,
but even the bad times were good with him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I will never hold him again . . . or hear his voice . . . or
his laugh. I felt (feel) as though someone pulled the rug out from
under me . . . and I'm falling without him. I'm not sure I know
who I am without him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk about it! We should not grieve alone.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Cry . . . cry . . . cry. And then, hold your head up and go on.
Tears don't wash away the pain, but they relieve some of the hurt .
. . as if to bring that person nearer.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why? He was young, he lived a healthy lifestyle, he was in shape;
never smoked a cigarette in his whole life . . . and lung cancer?
Not fair.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It's been almost two years now and I sometimes wonder if I will ever
laugh again. If I do, it will be different. He was my twin flame,
my soulmate. Part of my essence is gone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Make him see just how deep my love was for him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hold on to my memories of him . . . like photos in an album.
At will, I can see him, smell him, taste him . . . and hear his
laugh.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
A woman walked into my office one day and was talking to me, when,
in mid-sentence, she stopped and proclaimed that she saw a tall
man standing behind me to my right. I forgot about it until a
week later, my right earring literally FLEW across the room. As I
bent to pick it up, a warm feeling came over me and I whispered,
"Welcome back."
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the rituals surrounding death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
No, I NEVER think I'm over it. The tears form at the mention of his
name. I have to force myself to move on away from painful moments.
I could cry a river if I let myself.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The road not taken? I regret that I always thought there was all
the time in the world.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's not fair at all!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Scream his name and make him come back to me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sobbed . . . sobbed . . . sobbed. Felt so helpless and . . . mortal.
How could "our story" end like this?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
we're guinea pigs and they don't really care.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Fuck 'em! They couldn't save him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
He was Catholic and I am Wiccan. We called in all the Forces,
tried to cover all bases.
--Religious Affiliation:
Wicca (Blessed Be!)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
warm and comforting. I believe we were meshed and he will always
be part of me.
--Regarding MONEY:
doesn't apply
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't attend the funeral. I am "the other woman".
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
sort of a relief; knowing he was not in pain.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I never knew someone could die so fast from cancer. I thought
it lingered and there would be time to say all the things that
needed saying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't know . . . just offer them support and don't bid them stay.
Death is better than seeing that person ravaged by pain.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He didn't want to leave, but he did it with grace. I believe my
name was the last word he spoke, my eyes were the eyes he "saw".
I believe, with all my heart, he died loving me and knowing that
I loved him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had a car accident when I was sixteen and was not expected to live.
Even though I was not conscious, I know I had the will to live.
I did experience a NDE and it changed the rest of my life, made
me more spiritual and I just simply was no longer "religious".
I felt I had answers that no one else could understand unless they
had had the same kind of experience.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am married. When I met "him", I still had children at home and the
plan was to leave when the kids were gone. Things kept happening
and I kept putting "that day" off. The only person who could help
was a mutual friend of ours', whom I have not seen since his death.
Someday I will . . . when the time is right.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I resolve it in my mind. If one last conversation was possible,
I would not be hesitant in revealing just how much I adored him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As mentioned above: the earring incident(s). It has occured several
times since and has even been witnessed by others in my presence.
It only happens when I wear once certain pair of earrings and ONLY
my right earring. He had a good sense of humor . . . maybe he
still does; he would do something like that to me. (Oh, please,
come near me now, mi amigo!)
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
"I don't want you to go, but go ye must . . . if ye must.
Sweet peace be your's. Always stay near me."
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die . . . I like it here on earth, but when I do
(and I probably will . . . ha!), I know my spirit will find his
spirit and we will start over. Hopefully, the lessons have been
learned and the next time we will get it right.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I burn a candle every day for him and wish him sweet peace.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I took him so for granted that now I consciously try to hold on to
every memory. I won't let him leave me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, indeed! The bond with these people is instant and strong.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Let them cry! I wish I had had a shoulder to cry on, but due to
the situation, I grieved all alone. And it's been hard.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire asked all the questions that I had answers for!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Nope. You did good. In fact, it was a sweet release.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 1 09:28:27 2002
F62 in Lucille Meisenhelder, Dale WI =usa=
Name: Lucille Meisenhelder
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: homemaker
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
I lost a son to aids I would like other mothers contact or any one
that would like my supprt
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 1 03:38:06 2002
M18 in jersey, =channel islands=
Name: Jonny gough
Email: <jonnyg=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: male jigalo
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More personal info:
i love sheep and they keep me warm at night
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: a car bomb; Aged: .
--Details:
we were driving through Belfast and our car was fixed with a car
bomb. my family wre about to start the car and drive off but i needed
the toilet. i went back into the resteraunt to use the bathroom,
and when i came back the car was in flames and my wohle family were
dead. they had obviously started the car. i feel guilty because it
was my best friend that planted the bomb for a pratical joke.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the next best step. my idea of heaven is bieng sexually malestrerd
by a group of cheerleaders with huge boobies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cut my wrists and took hardcore drugs like cocaine
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the smell of their burining flesh in the car
--What I think my (channel islands) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death comes to us all
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i went to the bathroom and was not killed by the bomb
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
heroin
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i couldnt get any more pocket money cas mummy was gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
follow the light and be prepared for whatever is at the end of
the light
--[My Terrorism Victims's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can roll the perfect joint
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they told me my mum was actually my sister
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry i cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cryi cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cryi cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
meet my real mum as she turned out to be my sister
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
make love to my sister
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the female policewomen offered to shag me to make me feel better
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i did shg her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i never have understood terorism
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
my friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
my teachers used to take the piss out of me about being the only
one left in my family
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See Jan 02 contributions.
See Dec 01 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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