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See Current contributions.
See Sep 01 contributions.
See Aug 01 contributions.
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Wed Oct 31 20:15:42 2001
F20 in Sylvania, OH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: CNA, nursing major, sales associate
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: old age/ cancer; Aged: 89.
--Details:
I work in a nursing home and this was one of my very first residents
to be a CNA for and to have die on my shift. I had never cleaned
up a dead person before and I cried the whole time I did it.
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--Death Is:
medically defined as when the body ceases to function, the heart
stops, mental processes cease, and the body "lets go."
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really comprehend what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother died of old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was really upset, but I would not let anyone else know because
I think I was embarrassed.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's is not always a sad thing. The best way I could think to go
out of this world is with the Dave Matthew's Band song Two Step.
I teaches us to celebrate life instead.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it can be of great relief. It ends pain and sufferring for many
people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just time alone for contemplation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the body's appearance and the muscles slowly letting go.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hearing is the last sense to go. If you've ever been in a room
asleep and just felt someone walk in, I think that that is the
feeling that these people have when their vision and other senses
are starting to go.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I cried and cried and wouldn't look at the body at the wake.
The second day before the funeral I went in and held his hand.
I was still crying, but I needed to do that just to get some closure.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when you are younger it is just so hard to comprehend. You can be
present at the funeral and all, but still look for that person the
next time you go to their home. It is just so surreal.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
remebering the good times will aid you in feeling better.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my grandpa how much i loved him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help clean up that resident before the family arrived.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
one woman at the nursing home died, her eyes just looked so full
of pain and hurt that I felt relief for her to finally be out of
that pain.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
other's reactions.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am depressed and need someone to talk to.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
N/A
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I didn't get to spend more time with them.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see them once again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration. Some of these people can just feel so cold.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
confusing?
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't really an issue because they had planned everything out
and paid for it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people were very respectful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
lack of coherence, glossy eyes, decrease in body temperature, etc..
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
take time, but don't dwell in the past because you are currently
missing out on the present and the future is passing you by.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I think that this would bring back many strong feelings that have
since passed.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think to a certain extent their wishes should be carried out,
but I don't believe in keeping someone alive who is never going to
return to or have a good quality of life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know that when the time comes I want to be cremated and those
surviving me should take my life insurance and go on a vacation to
celebrate my life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I saw a psychologist. Also, my mom, sisters and I sat around and
watched depressing Lifetime movies for three days straight.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was too long.
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Wed Oct 31 19:07:17 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 2WEEKS ago.
Cause of Death: HEART ATTACK; Aged: 52.
--Details:
I am shocked because he was not surposed to died he was recovering
from open heart surgey
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--Death Is:
death is going home to God in eternal life A kind of sleep
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was 21 years old when Grandma passed and was in disbelief
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY OCT 142001
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I am still in disbelief and shoced and feel numb
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The last words I spoken to my husband were I love you and he went
to take a nap when he woke he was with God
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family are here taking care of me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I cant believe he will never walk threw the door again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have more time with him before he died
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: at what age
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Tue Oct 30 22:34:57 2001
F19 in Toledo, OH =USA=
Name: Heather
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bridge to Terebethia
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 65.
--Details:
Even though he wasn't a smoker, my granpa contracted lung cancer
because of the welding that he used to do when he was a plumber
before he retired, and when welding was less safe than it is now
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--Death Is:
when the body which is provided at birth shuts down, ceasing all
functions
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and prayed
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...the first significant death that I remember
is that of my Grandma on my Dad's side.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the look on my grandma's face of loss and despair. She had been
with my grandpa for so many years, she had just lost everything,
or at least it seemed like it at the time.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how death really should be a celebration of the soul's departure
from this earthly prison into heaven
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I smelled my grandpa the last time that I saw him, and hugged him
extra-hard for an extra-long time. It was as if I knew that I
wouldn't see him alive again.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My boyfriend. He held me when I needed to be held, and let me deal
with the grief in my way without pushing or being nosy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I will never see my grandpa again, or that my children
will never know my grandpa. My grandpa was a great guy and it was
a shame to lose him so early in his life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Actions are more powerful than words. Sometimes a hug is worth a
thousand pieces of advice on how you'll get through it.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that every death has it's purpose, and that my grandpa is
so much happier now in heaven where he doesn't have to suffer with
the cancer in his lungs anymore.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My grandpa that had been sick for so long lived longer than my
grandpa who was always the healthy one. I was away at school when
he died and when my Dad called to tell me about it, I had to ask
him which grandpa had died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
at the brunch after the funeral, my family shared humorous stories
about family vacations in order to lighten the mood.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See him more often. Because we lived in different states it was
hard to visit more than a few times a year.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See my grandpas each a few months before they died, when they were
both still relatively healthy. Also, both of them got to meet my
long-term boyfriend.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my dad (divorced) cried over my grandpa's funeral, because he had
been like a dad to him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember some of the good times that we had together, or the fact
that I'll never get to hug him again on Earth
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he should have lung cancer and those smokers who blow smoke
in my face everyday don't
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried, and wanted to cry for all of my family members
who would miss him too.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
knowledge that they too are human, and that we as humans are all
meant to die sometime
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no hospice
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I could pray and take comfort in the fact that my grandpa was
in a much better place than this world could ever offer him.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like people acknowledging that God is everywhere
--Regarding MONEY:
I wasn't involved
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how inappropriate it was for the sister of the Catholic church to
give a eulogy when she obviously didn't know him that well
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wishing that I could have given the eulogy instead
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
have no knowledge of this
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I do not feel that there are any unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope to hear that he is having a great time in heaven and
joyfully awaits the day when the rest of him family can join him
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
this was not an issue with my family
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about this often when I feel that I am doing something that
is not worthy of my time.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
do not have one
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I am better friends with all of my family members
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was too young to understand the implications of what was happening,
even though I was old enough to know that my grandma wasn't coming
back.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
Because I was so young, I didn't have many memories to hold on to
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to help my mom, my aunts, and my grandma
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have dealt with my issues with this death, and while this study
did not help, it did not hurt
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Tue Oct 30 16:23:03 2001
M20 in toledo, Oh =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: PRe-MED
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumors; Aged: 68.
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--Death Is:
leaving earth to go to a better place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
held in my emotions
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandmother
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's inevitable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother is no longer in pain
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the funeral
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't cry and eeryone else did
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why her
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they do their best
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
the workers are amazing people
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
my dad performed the funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
presbyterian
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
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Tue Oct 30 14:21:54 2001
M22 in Toledo, Ohio =United States=
Name: James Koch
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: emphysema; Aged: 66.
--Details:
cigarretes
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--Death Is:
Life after death if u believe, and for the living a painful situation
that you can not stop from happening
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 19
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my grandma
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my grandma was the one piece holding our family together after her
death our family has never been the same
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to better deal with it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i feel i can talk to my grandma anytime anywhere now she will now
always be with me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my fiancce, and cousin
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing my grandma was not coming back i could no longer go and
visit her, or hear her voice again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That they are loved and will not be forgotten
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel that are loved ones are always with us watching down on us
and protecting us
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldnt hear my grandmas voice anymore, i couldnt go visit her,
and i couldnt hug her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my grandma and i used to laugh a lot together
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i feel that there was nothing to change i cherish the memories
me and my grandma had, although i often wonder if she would have
never smoked if she would still be here today, so i might keep her
from smoking
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know my grandma and have a wonderful relationship with her,
she has made an impact on my life forever and has changed me for
the better
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i could still smell my grandmas perfume and hear her voice in my head
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be wonderful my grandma will always be close to me no
matter what
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my grandma is not her because cigarettes gave her emphysema
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
reverse time and visit her again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
limited options, the only thing they could do was make my grandma
feel comfortable, and wait for her death
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot it comforted my grandma when she was dying because she believed
she was going to heaven and that is where she is
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding MONEY:
i didnt care about money, money meant nothing to me, my grandma
meant everything, although i cant say that would be true with all
of my family members
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
our family which was in conflict with one another were all in the
same room for the first time since i was a little kid, you can
belive that everybody wouldnt have been in that room together if
it wasnt for my grandma
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i knew that my grandma had passed away before my grandpa found out,
i couldnt tell my grandpa, the nurse had to tell him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
in the case of emphysema---oxygen tank, coughing, inhalers
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
grieving involved going to the funeral visiting the graveyard and
talking to my grandma all the time
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i believe i have had several encounters, my grandmas perfume smell
still comes up every now and then, objects in the room sometimes
move if u mention my grandma, and other family members have had
similar situations happen with them
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just tell her i loved her but she already knows that
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandma moves things, and you can smell her perfume
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
that my will is done properly
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be very scared, but the thought of visiting loved ones that
has passed seems very encouraging
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i just talk to my grandma
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i learned a lot thru my grandma and that has helped me to live
my life
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my cousin but we have always been close no matter what
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
talking about it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just comforted them as much as i could
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it has been very helpful and touches home, it still makes you
realize how much you miss loved ones that have passed away
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no nothing to change
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Tue Oct 30 14:01:46 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 79.
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--Death Is:
The Extinguishing of human life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelief
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Grandmother Died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not feeling that bad
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
acknowledging the person was gone
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cope
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Mon Oct 29 21:57:27 2001
F20 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of CoWorker, almost 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: 62.
--Details:
It was actually kind of sudden...I mean she only had cancer for a
year if even that...other people I know that have died of cancer
have had it for awhile.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end of a persons life as we know it on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and don't really remeber a whole lot about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was a relative, but I was very young.
All I really remeber is just being at the funeral home, not really
understanding what was going on.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how she touched so many lives around me that I had no idea about,
and how her death affected everyone in the department, whether
it was those that had been there since the beginning or those new
employees that just started.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's a way of life and no matter how we live, all of us will
eventually die, and there is no one in the world, not even the best
doctor's that can stop this process from happening.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
remebering all the good times spent with those that I have lost
throughout the years.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
listening to music and being able to express my feelings through
poems. I also sometimes look to nature for help, in just knowing
that she is still with me as long as I allow her to live through me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
as with any death, the fact that you won't ever get to see them
or talk to them again. Also with this death, the fact that it all
happened to progress so fast.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to what they have to say and comfort them. Let them know
that you will always be there for them.
--[My CoWorker's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
treasure what time I was able to spend with her and get to know
her the best I could.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nothing seemed to help. With cancer patients the routine is usually
chemo and radiation and she went through all of that. Why does it
help some people and not do a thing for others?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was remembering and reliving all the good time that we had
together.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to spend more time with her and get to know her more than what
I was able to. To be there for her when she needed me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get the chance to work with her and be a part of her life until
the end.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something I see or here reminds me of her...certain smells and such.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think I would take life for granted as much as I do now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I think everyone has that thought. I don't know if anybody else
does this, but pray or whatever and say to take me instead of her,
or I should be the one b/c she has so mych more to give than me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
really broke down inside, but then I realized I had to go on for
that person, that they would have wanted that.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
trust and caring for her. They really tried there best to help
her and was said to see that it progressed to the point where there
was nothing that anyone could do but wait.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I would have the hopes of seeing my friend in heaven when I die,
and that I know that she is safe and with God.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that even though that person may not be physically present, they are
always with us in spirit and we can freely talk to them whenever
we feel the need to let something out. This could also help with
the grieving process.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was used to benefit others with cancer...the family set up a
fund for breast cancer in her name.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was a time for those to come and pay their respects to their
fallen friend and co-worker with much gratitude and grace.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
that the person may not always act as how you remembered them to
be...or didn't seem to be as happy about life as they used to be.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a good thing to cry and let your emotions out...it's natural
and is better than keeping your emotions in.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i'm not sure whether or not this occured, b/c i was not present
when she passed from this world.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say to them that I love them and that I'm glad to have had
the opportunity to spend what time I was given with them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i knew I was going to die soon, I would try to accomplish things
that I have always wanted to do. I would spend more time with family
and friends...and just hang out and talk. I would hope that I have
made a difference in at least one person's life, or that I have in
some way made one person's life a little easier.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
it usually involves writing them something whether a poem or letter
of some sort of the things that i did not get to say to them while
they were alive.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
writing about it, music, prayer, helping others get through it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
why them?
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I really enjoyed this questionnaire. It has made me look at death
with a different perspective in that death is just a part of life.
It is the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one.
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Mon Oct 29 21:02:38 2001
F48 in , British Columbia =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Special Education Teacher
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Angels
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 31 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 89.
--Details:
She was living in an senior's home with nursing staff. She died
on Christmas day. She must have been lonely with only one son
(and his family) living near her. My family lived 10 hours away.
We had only just moved away the August before so I was terribly
saddened that she died on Christmas day. She had Allsheimer (sp)
disease so I'm not sure how much clarity she had near the end.
6 months before I visited her often and she would talk to herself
about her life of 40 years before. She was a devout christian and
was very happy with her life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of a new life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 17 years old.
--That first time, how it happened was
My dad's mother died and not long after my mom's dad died.
We lived 10 or more hours away so my parents decided to not take
the family, but instead left quickly and I stayed home to look
after my younger sibling. I was deeply sad at the loss of both
of these grandparents, but because I didn't attend the funeral, I
didn't become consumed by the grief of a loving family. I reflect
on their death often though and I don't think that they themselves
were sad to die. They knew in their heart that they were going to
God, so for them it may have been an exciting adventure. Who knows?
For me, I remember, their faces and their light touch upon my hair.
And yes, I know they weren't sad to go.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother shivered and fell into her chair beside the phone. It was
like an electric shock went through her and I was concerned that
she touched a live wire.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not a horrible place to go. I am not afraid.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I don't believe anything of what was just said. I don't think
death is tough or difficult. How can it be tough when it just
simply happens? Saying goodbye is difficult, but that has nothing
to do with death. And, to me, a loving goodbye with no secrets
and no regrets is the key to a good death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
simply believing that there is more to death then the pain of dying.
Whoever told me that child birth was a pain easily forgotten was
correct. The pain of dying is even quicker forgotten. For within
seconds of being dead you are transported into a new realm of
consciousness, a new life. How can you remember pain where no
pain exists?
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the hardest part about dealing with the death of my grandparents
or the death of friends or my inlaws, is that now when I recall
their faces and I remember a wonderful detail - I can't phone them
up and say, "Hey, I was just thinking of you".
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I can't offer advice, but I can ask them to say hi to my grandparents
for me.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Sorry, I never learned much from their death. I miss them, and
we'll always miss our loved ones - it is for the living who have
the most difficult time.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother was so shocked.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
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Mon Oct 29 11:17:37 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
have to do a paper on this
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 16yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: =at=75.
--Details:
Too young to remember a lot of it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone is no longer physically around
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not really understand it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandpa died when I was 4
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the way the person looked in the coffin and that they where never
coming back to life
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
give a lot of understanding
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
what I learned from the person that died...also the experiences.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that person will no longer be there
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
people acknowledge every little thing you do
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Sun Oct 28 23:49:06 2001
F40 in , tenn =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1997 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning off a new life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was a child and i just wanted my aunt to come back
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my Aunt who also was my godmother was hit
by a car while she was crossing the street
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
they had to cover her hands with a flower arragment becacauese they
where so tore up
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
no support
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the car that hit her was speeding and the boy wwho was driving
never got away with it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just that being there and hold their hand
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
after all these years i still love her as i did then
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i never got to see her again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
held all of them one more time and to tell each of them how much
i loved them
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
telling us how sorry they were
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
make me want to have my family back and it be like when i was a
small child
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
yes i would be living with the people i love and we would always
be togather
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i got to the point i couldn't think and just wanted to disapear
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt anger,saddness,hate,
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
anger
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
god will call you home when he wants you no matter what your age
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
there is only one god and one heaven
--Regarding MONEY:
it was more inportant them our feelings
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
she was really gone
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
saying goodbye
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
childlike behaver
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being there didn't help
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she was ready to go
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
for them to tell me we will be togeather again and heaven real
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
childrrens wishes
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would rather not know
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing a letter to my motherinlaw and then buring it at here grave
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
and knowing she still is with me
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i was at my motherinlaw beside the day before and the day she died
and i was the one she told she wanted the life support turn off
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it's reminded me of all the people i have lost and how few are left
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Sun Oct 28 20:45:14 2001
F22 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: age; Aged: 91.
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--Death Is:
the end of evolution for the human body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt butterflys in my stomach and didnt want it to be true.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother died from old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that we knew it was coming but still did not want to admit it.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
sharing it with my family and knowing they felt the same way i did.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
when you cant do anything about it. and also the feeling of silence
you feel afterwards.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dont think she wouldl ive to be that old!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why is death so random and unrational?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still didnt want it to be real.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Sun Oct 28 20:29:44 2001
F20 in Maumee, Ohio =United States of America=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 73.
--Details:
SHe was getting older and herc ancer spread and she had to be on
oxygen all the time, but she still smoked to her last day alive.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is something that causes a lot of pain for people because
someone close to them leaves forever and they never get to see
them again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't really affected that much because iwas only 10 years old. I
did not understand that this person would never be there in my
life again.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my great-grandmother, she died of natural causes
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My aunts all cried and my one aunt didn't even change out of her
pajamas for days after her death. I remember how everyone went and
stayed with my granfather and helped each other.
--What I think my (United States of America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is an inevitable thing. It is going to happen to everyone
and that when someone dies they are going to a better place.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time i got to spend with that person while they were here on
earth. And my religion comforts me also to know that that person
is in a better place.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i had a great boyfriend at the time who let me cry and cry and cry,
because i knew i couldn't cry in front of my family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i never really knew my grandmother that well, i never got a
chance to know her and here her stories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just sit with that person and be there for them, you don't even
have to say a word.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned how strong i could be for my dad and the rest of my family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She actually died, i never thought it would happen so soon.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It made me feel better. I felt guilty for laughing but i think it
was kind of a defense mechanism, because everything felt so surreal
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know her better and spent more time with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to spend time with her the night before she died, she got to
see my face and knew that i cared enough to be there for her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see or hear something that reminds me of something special that
reminds me of her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think i wouldn't feel so bad about not getting to know her because
i would have made more time to spend with her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't have enough time with that person.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Escape to somewhere far from here
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accepted what had happened and tried to move on.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Good feelings, They did everything they could to try to help.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
She didn't have hospice even though she had cancer, my granfather
took care of her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Church meant a lot more because i felt like i had somewhere to
go to pray. I also found out she was saved before she died, which
comforted me because i knew she would be going to a better place.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran.
--Regarding MONEY:
My relatives were very worried about money. Especially when it came
to paying for the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How nice and understanding people were.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Burying that person.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When that person can't get out of bed anymore and they can't move.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I am not aware that this happened
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that whatever issues i had with her are taken care of.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope to tell her how much i loved her i would hope she
would tell me the same.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think the dying person should have a very well written out about
what, where, and how they want to be buried and how it will be
payed for.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think that whenever it is my time to go God will take me. I think
it will be peaceful.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went to visit her grave and "talked" to her.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I "talk " to God about her a lot.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me think about how i really felt when she died and how
my feelings have changed as i have gotten older.
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Sun Oct 28 14:02:47 2001
F20 in , Michigan ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
needed to write a paper.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 15.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our physical existance on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Very young and very close to the person.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my foster mother and i was 9.
she died of natural causes.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being at the funeral home with all my peers and everyone who was
driving by had his name writen on their arms saying that they
loved him. It was also scary b'c it was an open casket service
(he shot himself in the head)
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
friendships that hold together no matter what happens...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I tried suicide many times when i was his age but never succeeded.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
knowing there is support out there
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized how important everyone is no matter how young they are.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw the signs but it was too late....
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
no one really laughed.....he shot himself in the head, remember???
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him, tell him there is a chance for him and people do
love him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
find comfort in my boyfriends x girlfriend that didn't like me
too much.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i visited his grave site and told him that even my mom loved him
(she was his "mean ol'" bus driver)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my depression comes back every once in a while.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
a lot of kids would still act like kids and not so grown up and
sad...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i didn't succeed so he shouldn't have...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
yell at him...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt empathy for him, i had been there and tried that.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
caring and compasion, there was little visible evidence of a gun
wound on his head...
--Religious Affiliation:
christian, united brethren
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i had another friend die of unknown causes and my boyfriend and i
thought we saw him about a month ago...
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
well when i went to my boyfriends aunts funeral another aunt was
taking pictures.....just a little morbid.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not affraid to die, i've come to peace with myself and i love
my self now
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
friends and love
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
possibly the one about laughing......there is nothing funny about
suicide.
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Sat Oct 27 14:35:05 2001
F21 in , =Belgium=
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yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 15 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died of cancer when I was about three years old.
--Religious Affiliation:
christianity
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Fri Oct 26 14:48:03 2001
F20 in ft. worth, tx =usa=
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Prof/Studies: none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: gun; Aged: 24.
--Details:
He had gone out with his friend and ignored me for the weekend. Got
real fucked up on crank, and alcohol. I had called his friend to
find out what the deal was and to see if he was over there. His
friend lied to me and said he was not over there (He did not like
talking to me when he was real messed up). Befor I had called they
were taling all the bullets out of the gun. When I had called,
he forgot to take the rest out. Playing around he shoot his self
in the head, while I was on the phone. I did not know at the time
what it was. His best-friend started to flip out screaming, hung
the phone up. I kept calling but I could'nt understand him, finally
I got what he was saying.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was broken
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my boyfriend, he was on drugs, and
holding a gun to his head, playing around, it was a hair trigger,
and it went off.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens, there is no more pain and hurt for that person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family, friends understood more what I was going
through
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not saying I loved him that day, not ever seeing him agian, being
on the phone and hearing it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Ther is nothing you can say, just be there for crying and hugging
and listen
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i will see him agian
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him I loved him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with it
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see movies like the relationship we had.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
nothing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
its real
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i wanted to camp at his grave
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not happy, doing drugs, to much pain from years back, not caring
about your health
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
its still hard
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
drugs do help, well it helps to forget, talking about it helps
alot, crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
He was the one for me
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Fri Oct 26 14:19:11 2001
F22 in LUbbock, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 1 1/2 ago.
Cause of Death: Murder; Aged: 19.
--Details:
My friend came home form work and someone was waiting in her
apartment. He hit the back of her head with a blunt object then set
her on fire. She died before he lit her on fire. There was no smoke
in her lungs. There was no motive. No stealing, or attemptive rape.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when a persons soul and spirit leaves there body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
My grandpa died when I was 8.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I went across the street and my dog followed
me and got ran over. I was sitting in the street trying to help
my dog and I almost got hit too.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I could see my self crying for my friend. It was like I was in a
top corner of my room and I could see my self grieving. I made my
parents leave. For 3 months I was despertly depressed. I slept
20 hrs a day. Quit eating, and got down to weighing 80 lbs.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not always a horrible thing. Other cultures celebrate
death. I think Americans make death a horrible and feared thing,
and that we need more talking, and conversation to help kids grown
into a healthy perspective of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my friend died...she was stil beautiful. She will always be
beautiful. She will never grow old and wrinkly. That is something
that I am glad for.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I slept for 3 months to deal with it, then I got involved in my
curhch and got good friends that could help me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The eternity of it. Death is forever. There is no coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk about fun stuff, and not just dying. Remind the person that
there life was significant.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was just 19 and a senior in college. She had everything
in the world going for her. No enemies, no one who hated her.
Just a quite girl, who now is dead.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't laugh. Not even once. I had also lost my baby 2 days
before.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just let her know that I thought she was amazing. And how much i
loved her. I wish I had been a better friend.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Just know her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I thik about her future, and all that she is missing out on.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would protect her. Keep herself safe.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It was not fair. She had so much more for herself. Now it is
cut short.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Find the person who killed her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
My friend nathan died in 6th grade. I saw him at the funeral home
and i just wanted him to get up. I swore I saw him move. Then he
just wasn't there at school, and it hit me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not available
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Praying for her family at church. making sure they had food.
Getting her funerla together.
--Religious Affiliation:
Non Denominational.
--Regarding MONEY:
Everything was so expensive.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was just beautiful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing her picutre on the casket.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
N/A
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Before her funeral, I had a dream that we were singing together.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Prayer and Acceptance.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
being youong, and having good parents.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Fri Oct 26 12:10:33 2001
F19 in Plainview, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
A Research Study Assignment in my Developmental Psychology Class
at WBU
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Prof/Studies: Psychology and Religion Student at WBU
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: health complications; Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the separation of the soul and spirit from the body. It is then when
we are judged for our life and our eternal destiny is assigned. For
those who know Christ they will abide with God, for those who
rejected their Creator they are eternally separted from his presence
(he is life, joy, peace, ...)Death is when this all comes about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really understand how that would affect others
and really had a very minimal reaction.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great grandmother died. I didn't know her
very well, she very sickly looking and I did not recognize her. She
gave me a teddy bear before she died. I don't remember much, except
how upset the adults around me were.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my grandmother attempting to make the funeral a party. Her tring
always to be happy and make everyone else be happy. I think she
was relieved. I can remember how hard my mom took it. She was very
sad. I remember that his absence could be felt whenever we met. I
can remember the change in my great grandmother and how they put
her in a nursing home after that.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it does not have to be a terrible time of mourning. Death can
be a good thing. Some who live in pain, death takes that pain from
them. For those who know the Lord, death is when they finally go
home. This culture also needs to better remember and respect the
dead. We have a bad habit for forgetting them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that all 6 of my mom's brothers and sisters were together again at
the funeral -- they haven't been like that for 10 years before and
haven't been since. A wonderful picture of them all was taken to
pursurve that moment.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Is just to be able to think about that person with fond memories
and be able to laugh about my past with them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
their noticable absence from family events.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know, I have never been is that situation.
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to go on. You can not allow such an event keep you from
continuing. You also must mourn -- you can not go on until you have
mourned or it will eat away at you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandmother reacted so strangly -- almost with relief. I wonder
if they might have had a much worse relationship than any of us
had guessed.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is okay to laugh -- it is good and healthy
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him. Talk to him more -- hear his stories.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
, it was my great grandmother that was ill. Not him, why did he die,
and why didn't we notice the tole it was taking on him?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
It really doesn't get difficult any more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very quiet and contemplative.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
satisfaction. They do the best that they can do, they try hard,
and they want to help. I believe that thaey care.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot. My faith is what I cling to in any time of hardship.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comfortable. I believe that we each contain a spirit, that Christ
can make alive or it can be left separted from him (spiritually
dead). There is only one truth, which is Christ, but every
individual's spirit (and soul) are eternal and will be judged for
their life here on earth.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was a great hardship (financially) for everyone to be able to
attend, for my family is spead across the country.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I have only been to a funeral once -- I was very young. I was not
able to recognize the person in the coffin -- it did not look like
my Grandmother.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
everyone's different approaches to death and mourning.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I just feel that I did not get to know him well enough. I therefore
enjoy talking to my mom and listening to her memories of him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just like to hear him talk again, to listen to him tell me
a story. This would help me resolve my regret of his passing.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My parents, upon their death, want to be cremated. That I idea
bothers me a little. But -- I will respect their wishes out of
a respect for them. I believe that it is important. But I also
don't believe that it is all that important what happens to you
when you die -- you are dead and those who feel they need all of
this extragagance are silly.
When I die I want it to be a happy
occation. I desire to be missed of course (more as I desire to
make an impact in the world that will be missed, I want to be worth
missing), but I want those around me to remember I will be in the
arms of my Heavenly Father and will have NO desire to return.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew my death was coming I think that I would live more
purposefully! I think I waste too much time whining and being sad
and stressed. I need to be happy and enjoy life, for it will not
always be this way.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just to remember all the good memories that I have. To engrave in
my mind a positive image of my Great Grandfather.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was too young to REALLY understand what was happening. Plus she
was older, so I could justify it better.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it provided an interesting way to systematically evaluate
my own thoughts with and experiences with death.
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Fri Oct 26 10:44:42 2001
F20 in Albuquerque, New Mexico =USA=
Name: LaToya
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: college student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
N/A
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
N/A
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 17.
--Details:
He was killed in his car, and no knows who did it or why they did
it. He was really a cool person and a young man at that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that has to happen and happens all day everyday. Some die
in their sleep, some are killed, accidental, etc. Death to me is
like being born, but just the oppisite. Death is hard to explain,
because everyone has their own interpretations of it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was only in the first grade. It was my mother and I was really
close to her. I remember she couldn't go anywhere without taking me,
or unless she put me to sleep, but usually I woke up and seen that
she was gone and I use to be mad at her the next day.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my mother died when i was seven years old. She
died from a heart attack, and it was really difficult for my sister
and I to deal with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My sister and I became heart broken to the point that we just didn't
care about anything anymore. We did what we wanted and when we wanted
to do it. I remember that my Aunt that was keeping us sent us to
our grandma and I guess she couldn't handle us, so she put us in a
foster home. My sister didn't stay as long as I did, because my Aunt
that was keeping us in the first place got custody of her and when
she tried to get custody of me she had to fight it against my dad.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to handle it better, how to move on with their lives, and
realize that God took them away, because it was time for him/her
to go home to a better place (if they are saved).
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother was able to spend the best seven years of my life with
her, and doing that taught me everything I know. It has made me a
stronger, better person, and I am grateful and thankful for that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking to close friends and knowing that they are listening and
are there for me for support.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Moving on with my life. It has been thirteen years since my mother
has died and I still grieve about it a lot. While I was growing up it
was really hard to see my friends or other kids with their parents,
and I use to always wish my mother wasn't died so I could hug her,
give her a kiss, and just talk to her and know that she is there
for me. But I now know that she is with me always in my heart.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to them, make them laugh or at least smile, try not to
show to much sorrow, because it could make the dying friend/person
depressed. Just be there for them and let them know that you love
them and maybe even talk about the good times, and let them know
that you will always remember them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became a stronger person after my mom died. It's a hard and painful
experience that anyone has to go through, but in my case it made
me a stronger person. I am able to deal with other deaths a little
easier, but most of all having to deal with the hardships of life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My mother died i didn't even know what death was, and when it came
to her funeral and everyone was viewing her body and when i got up
there to view her body i just thought she was sleep and was going to
come home later that night. I was confused why everyone was crying,
why my mom was in the casket (at that time i thought it was a long
box) and why everyone was looking at her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
appreciate the things my mom did for me more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know my mom for the seven years that i did.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mother was in a peaceful state now and a better place.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I dont know???
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
im feeling down or depressed about something. i remember her or
when i think about that i dont remember what my mom looks like i
get really sad and cry.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think i would've been a nicer person, graduated high school with
better grades, be a better person as a whole.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that anyone has to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die and be there with her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became to understand death and the pain that comes along with it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I dont know
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I wish i was able to go with her in the ambulance, and be with her
as she died on the way to the hospital.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the most to my mom, but to some of my family they didn't attend
chruch regularly.
--Religious Affiliation:
Happy Union Baptist Church is my current affiliation
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone wanted everyone else to pay for it. no one really wanted
to give up their own money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How the friends of my mom sat in the front of the church while family
sat in the back in a different room. I distinctly remember that,
because i remember seeing my dad in the front and being with all
of my family in another room that could see the front of the chruch.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I dont know
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think my family on my moms side needs to get closer together
and not hate one another. I think the only way to help this is if
everyone wants to come together, because you cant help anyone who
doesnt want help.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them how much i missed them and what i was doing and
how i was doing. Feeling them in on the times that they missed,
and things like that. I think it would help me come to a closeure
with it.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
After my mom died one of my cousins calim they seen her while they
were sleep but ended up waking up seeing her in a rocking chair
looking at her. Another time when my great grandmother died another
cousin said they seen my mom infront of her, but didn't want to
tell me or my sister because she thought she might upset us with it.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want people to think about the good and happy times before
i died. The good things that i did.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i knew i was going to die soon, i would want to make amends
with all of my family and old friends or the people i was mean
too. I would want to go to a theme park or water park, maybe even
to the Bahamas or some island and just feel relaxed and unworried
about dying.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I ususally talk to a close friend who i know who will listen,
because I just want them to listen to me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yeah, and sometimes they do things that remind me of the person
who died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
When her birthday comes up, and the day that she died comes around.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think the best help would've been better support from family and
more passionate.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has let me be able to open up and experss my feeling better.
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Thu Oct 25 13:02:04 2001
F31 in Plainview, Texas =United States=
Name: JoAnn Garcia
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Criminal Justice/Psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
N/A
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you cease to live. You stop breathing, your heart stops
beating, your internal organs stop functioning; basically everything
that functions to keep the body alive stops and you die, but life
and the world go on without you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
understood it but it didn't really have an impact on me because
I was not close to my grandmother. I felt bad for my dad because
she was his mother, but as for me I knew I wouldn't miss her and I
felt bad about that because I felt like I should miss her at least
a little, but I didn't and I knew I never would.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my dad's mother whom I was not very close to and I was pretty
young so I didn't really have a hard time with it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wanting to find some of my brother in everything and everyone around
me. I wanted my little brother to be more like my big brother.
I wanted to hear stories about my older brother so I could feel
closer to him. The thing I remember most vividly is the feeling
that I didn't know him as well as I wish I had. I was a teenager and
was too wrapped up in my world to notice anything or anybody else.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I wouldn't change anything about the culture. I think it deals
with death and closure very well.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it has brought my family closer. We were all pretty distant
from each other (not geograhically)and when my brother died, I
think we realized that we all took each other for granted and the
fact that we and our parents would always be there.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The most support was spending time with my family and when I
needed, spending time alone and sometimes with close friends.
When I was with my friends and I needed to cry all of the sudden,
they understood; the same with my family and most of the time they
would cry with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I would never see my brother again and knowing that
I wasted a lot of time on myself when I should've been using it to
get closer to him and getting to know him better so that I wouldn't
feel like I hardly knew him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know how to answer this question because I have no advice.
My stepfather is dying and I avoid being around him because I know
he is dying and I don't know how to act around him. I am getting
married next May and he made the comment to me that he wished I
would do it sooner and me like a dumb ass asked him why and he said
so he could be around to see it.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel about them. I don't want to ever die or them die without
knowing that I loved them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why the hospital couldn't (or at the time I thought "wouldn't")
do more to try to save him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I had no urge,that I can recall, to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my brother more and be friends not just brother and sister.
When he was dying, I wished I had said good-bye and told him I loved
him instead of just standing there like an idiot in disbelief that
he was really dying!!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
no comment
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
??
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how many people were at the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a picture or someone that hadn't seen him in a while asks me
how and where he is.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't know how it would differ for me personally, but I think my
big brother still being alive would've benefitted my little brother
because he grew up with a bunch of sisters. He was 13 when our older
brother died and that would be one of the times that he needed him
the most; just to show him things about being a guy or a man.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he's too young to die and he's my brother. this happens to other
families, not mine.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
erase what happened that night and paint a different picture of
what I would rather have happened.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and wished with all my might that God would let him come back
because he was my brother and this wasn't supposed to happen.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
it was not good. I felt that they could've done more. I don't
know for sure, because I was maybe in shock to really know what
they were or weren't doing. I just felt that they could've done
something more.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
??
--Religious Affiliation:
Current and past is Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right. I believe there is a common link of Spirit in all deaths.
If they were a Christian, they will be in Heaven with Jesus.
--Regarding MONEY:
MY brother's wife got the money.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
anger, denial, being reflective on their life.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
??
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/an/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any unresolved issued. I just wish I could've been
closer to him. Nobody can help me with that. That's just something
I will always wish because there's no way to know him better or
him to know me better now.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would help a great dea. I would tell him I loved him even
though he probably already knew that. I would still tell him and
tell him that I'm sorry for not ever trying to be "friends" while
he was still here and that I would miss and never forget him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I don't know if it was so much that he came to visit me, but I have
had several dreams about my brother. I think its just because
I happened to be thinking of him that day or recently and just
wishing he was still here.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Whether I wanted to be buried or cremated. where I wanted to be
buried; open or closed casket. I would hope that people would
miss me and I wouldn't want anyone whom I was enemies with (which
hopefully I wouldn't have any) not be there to gloat.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be afraid and maybe in denial just because I'm so afraid
of death itself. I don't think I would want to know how or when
I was going to die. Even if I did know, I think I would carry on
as if nothing was wrong in the hopes that it would just "go away".
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
n/a
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
There were no new emerging friendships, I just remember it brought me
and one of my sisters and my little brother really close. My other
sisters were close too, but not as close as the three of us.
We were inseparable. even though they both live far away now,
I still feel the closeness we have.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Talking about and remembering in your own way the one who has died
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I don't like to think about death, because I am actually afraid
of dying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to let me talk about how scared I am of death and if they had
anything to help me cope with the idea. I would want to reach out
to the priest of my church and have him come pray with me everyday
because I would find comfort in prayer.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it has been very useful and helpful. I have been able to
actually put into words some of my feelings and not feel like I'm
telling someone who has heard the same thing over and over.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
n/a
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Thu Oct 25 01:25:35 2001
F47 in san francisco, california =usa=
Name: denise garma
Email: <denise_garma=at=yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: retired
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 26 years ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes,stroke; Aged: 63.
--Details:
he had been in the I.C.U. wing for a week and no one had called me
to let me know.the whole time he kept asking for (Pill) his name
for me.When I finally got a phone call from one of my sissters,It
was 7 days later. She called me at work at 9p.m. to tell me I'm a
bartender.I called the hospital and talked to to his DR. he told
me that my dad was going to be transfered to his own room, that
he was out of danger. I then talked to my dad and told him that I
would be there in the a.m And he just said that he would always be
watching over me and that he loved me, he died 21 minutes later.He
was my best friend .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
freeing our spirits so that we could go on with our next life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young and was n;t close to them.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my grandfather,(step) i wasn't very
close to him i was afraid i think . i was only 5 or 6.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is how my spirit inside of me ripped to shreds . and the hurt and
lonliness , my whole world sharrted and there is a hole inside of
me thatt is still here.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that no one is getting out of here alive
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my dad is still here inside of me I talk to him all the time
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
no one
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i still haven't been able to. the pain is still as fresh and deep
as if he just passed now
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them go with all the respec that they could every deserve
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
that when some says that time heals and the pain will get less and
less are full of shit. time doesn't make my pain any less.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
I'm not afarid of passing over it is just the start of another
journey .
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? News Coverage
n/a
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Oct 24 20:35:17 2001
M21 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, half a year ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the moment the body stops working. The heart no longer beats and
the person no longer breathes. Their life on earth has ended.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was eight or so, my great grandmother died.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I came home a day after Easter this year,
2001 to find my mother had killed herself. She lived only a few
apartments away from mine.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone tried to use the situation to mend their own selfish
and hateful hearts.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The proper ways to deal with death. Just knowing how to cope... it
helps.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my mother was finally at rest within herself.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my partner and his family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing she was gone and it was forever.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i dont know.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Coached myself and my family through the grieving processes.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Nothing was really confusing to me. I knew what happened and why.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
there's a day like today, 10/24, her birthday.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
allowed myself to cry, then talk about it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how large a turn out there was. I was so happy that so many people
showed up to pay their respects. She was more loved than she knew.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the limited time to plan the funeral and such- it all happened
so fast.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Occasionally I will have a dream where my mother is
involved... talking, laughing or just being herself.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire was fair... but what about people who experience
sudden losses?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Oct 24 19:40:41 2001
M20 in Plainview, TX =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart problems; Aged: 60.
--Details:
Was felling better then just passed suddenly
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A gateway to another life. A kind of transistion to the heavenly
realm.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Helped comfort others
--That first time, how it happened was
My Great Grandmother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone crying and trying to help everyone else
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not all fun and games and watching all these films full of
death hardens us to the real fact of it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
They are not suffering anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading and studying the bible
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wondering where they are going after death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
It is good to let them know you care, and love them.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Get to know them before it is to late
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was glad that they had gone to a better place and remembered the
good and funny times
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of all the times I missed, when I didn't get to know them
well enough.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think of heaven when we will se them again
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they said he was doing better
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
cry
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to miss getting to know them
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not much faith
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A lot people in the church helped very much with all the familys
needs
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
How to split what was left and since it was so sudden what to do
with property and such.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many freinds showed up for support
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Being a pallbearer to someone I didn't know well
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
say i am sorry for being to busy to visit
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of dying I have had a good life so far and if it
were to end I would welcome it and move on to the heavenly life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Being part of the service such as a palbearer
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I try to get to know people better
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I like to help others I don't like to think of myself
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a good experiance it made me think more about those times
than I have in awhile
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Wed Oct 24 11:40:21 2001
F19 in toledo, ohio =united states of america=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 89.
--Details:
No because it is my business
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a process of living. Everyone eventually will go through. To some
it is very scary and to others it is just a prcoess of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for months and thought i would never get over it. you have
to remember that the person who passed on is in God's hands and
he is taking good care of him or her. Think about whether or not
the person will want you to grieve for a long time or just remember
all the special times you had together. Help each other by talking
about it and eventually it will be possible to deal with it.
--That first time, how it happened was
it was my grandmother. it was one of the hardest experiences for
me to deal with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My dad and I were the last ones to see her. My mom told me that
my g-ma waited for my dad and I because he was her only son and I
was her favorite grandchild out of the three of us. I will never
forget that night before she passed away.
--What I think my (united states of america) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a process of life and everyone must go through it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Every Christmas Eve we celebrated it with my grandma. It was
a tradition. Now we go out to dinner and go to the cemetary.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, a good friend of my parents, my minister at church, my old
youth leader at church
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that she would never be made again....and never be around again.
You must try and remember the good memories you shared together.
It is okay to cry but it should not affect your future.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand or give them a hug and tell them that you love them.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had a very hard time dealing with this death. it is a hard thing,
but i know that she always looks over me and she will always be in
my heart
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why did it have to be her?? i did not think it what her time yet
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i do remember a time when my cousin and i just had to laugh about
something that my grandma did
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say i love you
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i dont know...this question is dumb and you are getting too personal
with these questions. My g-ma is my business and not yours.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
once again i dont know
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
yes that is true. i still get teary-eyed thinking about it
sometimes, especially when i hear the song Amazing Grace because
it was the opening song that i played on the piano at her service
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dont know. this question is dumb too
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it is not fair that it happened to her. there are things i wish
she would have seen me do and i wish that she would know what i
want to become in the future
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
escape from it all
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried but not hard enough
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God is taking care of her. My minister helped a lot
--Regarding MONEY:
money wasn't involved. it was the love we had together as a family
that helped us all get through it
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone knew her and loved her
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the person will never be made again
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weakness, attention awareness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it took some time to heal and i still get sad
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
every moment spent with her will be cherished forever, she knows
i loved her and she was a wonderful mother and grandmother.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
im not exactly sure, but i know i would give her a big hug and tell
her how much that i love her
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my g-ma has come back in dreams and her spirit has been present
around me at other times
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
hopefully my death is far away so no i dont sit and think about my
death because i still have so much living to do. I dont know what
the hell kind of questions these are
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
have lots of sex before it happens to you
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
um nothing
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i have made friends but not because of that
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to my family
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i think it was a waste of my time. it is none of your business.
it did not help with feelings.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
re-word all of them
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Tue Oct 23 22:27:47 2001
F22 in Plainview, Texas =United States of America=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: college student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 74.
--Details:
Actually, I'm assuming it was a heart attack. I'm not for certain.
I was told that she died in her sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing from this life, and into an eternal life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and most saddened. I never felt such sorrow deep
within myself. I was angry that she left, and that was that.
It felt like nothing would be the same.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother's (my mom's mother) heart
stopped. She essentially died in her sleep.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being alone. My family didn't really come together, which was even
more stressful. I was hurting for my family as well as myself,
and I felt so helpless for us all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the knowledge that I have the ability to cope and also empathize
with others in experiencing death of a loved one.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
well, I'm not actually sure. I did a lot of crying and still do,
but haven't found any great source of comfort. I've talked about
it a little in therapy, but it's still difficult to express my
emotions and thoughts even there.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing what to do next. I knew I had to keep going on with my
life, but I felt so paralyzed in a way. But time pushed me forward
and continues to do so.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that she still lives spiritually. I believe that she's
still here, just not in a physical body.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have more one-on-one talks with her. And to thank her for taking
care of me so many times when I was sick.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone reveals more stories about her. My family talks about good
or funny times with her once in a while, and while I enjoy hearing
new stories, it's still tough to take in. Also, about once a year
or so, we drive by her house and it's difficult to accept that
she's no longer there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about us still shopping together and exploring the city
that she lived in. I think about the next wonderous Christmas that
we'll have together, with all of her decorations and spirit.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was here and then gone so quickly. She wasn't ill that
we knew of, it took me by complete surprise. I just hadn't ever
thought of her leaving, not at that point in time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop time. Sometimes it tough to get through the moment and I
wonder if it will get better in time to come.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot to me and still does. And I'm able to gather my own beliefs
and ideas about what death means and what the significance of life
after death is.
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking down at her body during the funeral. She was wearing a
blue outfit that I didn't recognize. She looked so cold. I really
didn't like seeing her that way. Maybe partly because her death
still didn't seem real to me, and I wanted her to open her eyes
and smile at me. I wanted to hear her voice again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
has been more in my dreams. I visit her at her house quite often.
Although I don't always see her, I know she's there, kind of like in
"real life".
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel really good about our life together. I don't feel that
there's any "unfinished business" between us. We were pretty close,
and I miss that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would really like to express to her how much she affected my life,
and in such an endearing way. She did so much for me while growing
up, things I can appreciate more now. I look back at a time that I
had Scarlet Fever and was pretty discouraged in my healing process
and she was there to help take care of me. One night I woke up
from itching and aching all over my body, so she mixed together
some baking soda (or powder) with something else. She then rubbed
it all over my body. It felt so gross at the time! I was almost
annoyed at what she was doing, and lacked confidence that it would be
soothing or help. But it was very soothing and brought much comfort.
I would love to let her know that her efforts and love and support
mean so much to me. I know I appreciated things when she was alive,
but probably not to the fullest. I wish I would have expressed my
gratitude more.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As I mentioned above, I frequently dream of visiting her in
her house. Sometimes her house is altered, but so beautifully.
Several times there has been a huge room with a gorgeous flowing
fountain in the middle. I'm still not really sure what the dreams
mean. But it seems that she is so happy and that there is such
beauty beyond words in the Other Side.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Actually, while I'm not ready to leave now or any time soon, I
welcome death in a way. When I think of my own death, my first
thoughts are of that I will be able to see my grandmother again.
I also believe that the Other Side welcomes so many unimaginable
and wonderful things. So while I fear leaving loved ones behind
here on our side, death is not really the end of life (to me).
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I honestly haven't found much closure yet, but I feel I'm much
closer. Maybe more than I realize.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Journaling has helped me some, as just an outlet for what I have
felt since her death. Also, talking to her at times helps, but is
still difficult.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
Her death happened very suddenly and was unexpected, even though
she was in her seventies.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that I had reached out more to my family as well as them
to me. I didn't receive a lot of support, but I think we were
all trying to cope in our own ways and working on accepting what
had happened. But it still leaves me feeling alone, even today.
I think it would have been very helpful and healing at the time, if
my family would have hugged me and told me that it's okay to cry (and
for how ever long as needed), and to talk about how I was feeling.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire was a lot more helpful than anticipated. I really
think that it was healing for me. Even though this is a project
for one of my classes, I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to
participate in this study. It gives me a lot to think about and
a lot to be able to share.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
There were a few questions that I didn't mind answering, but just
couldn't find the words to best convey my thoughts. I think that
it was just me though, not so much the questions. I can't think
of which ones they were at this point.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 23 22:27:47 2001
F22 in Plainview, Texas =United States of America=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: college student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 74.
--Details:
Actually, I'm assuming it was a heart attack. I'm not for certain.
I was told that she died in her sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing from this life, and into an eternal life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and most saddened. I never felt such sorrow deep
within myself. I was angry that she left, and that was that.
It felt like nothing would be the same.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother's (my mom's mother) heart
stopped. She essentially died in her sleep.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being alone. My family didn't really come together, which was even
more stressful. I was hurting for my family as well as myself,
and I felt so helpless for us all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the knowledge that I have the ability to cope and also empathize
with others in experiencing death of a loved one.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
well, I'm not actually sure. I did a lot of crying and still do,
but haven't found any great source of comfort. I've talked about
it a little in therapy, but it's still difficult to express my
emotions and thoughts even there.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing what to do next. I knew I had to keep going on with my
life, but I felt so paralyzed in a way. But time pushed me forward
and continues to do so.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that she still lives spiritually. I believe that she's
still here, just not in a physical body.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have more one-on-one talks with her. And to thank her for taking
care of me so many times when I was sick.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone reveals more stories about her. My family talks about good
or funny times with her once in a while, and while I enjoy hearing
new stories, it's still tough to take in. Also, about once a year
or so, we drive by her house and it's difficult to accept that
she's no longer there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about us still shopping together and exploring the city
that she lived in. I think about the next wonderous Christmas that
we'll have together, with all of her decorations and spirit.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was here and then gone so quickly. She wasn't ill that
we knew of, it took me by complete surprise. I just hadn't ever
thought of her leaving, not at that point in time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop time. Sometimes it tough to get through the moment and I
wonder if it will get better in time to come.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot to me and still does. And I'm able to gather my own beliefs
and ideas about what death means and what the significance of life
after death is.
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking down at her body during the funeral. She was wearing a
blue outfit that I didn't recognize. She looked so cold. I really
didn't like seeing her that way. Maybe partly because her death
still didn't seem real to me, and I wanted her to open her eyes
and smile at me. I wanted to hear her voice again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
has been more in my dreams. I visit her at her house quite often.
Although I don't always see her, I know she's there, kind of like in
"real life".
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel really good about our life together. I don't feel that
there's any "unfinished business" between us. We were pretty close,
and I miss that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would really like to express to her how much she affected my life,
and in such an endearing way. She did so much for me while growing
up, things I can appreciate more now. I look back at a time that I
had Scarlet Fever and was pretty discouraged in my healing process
and she was there to help take care of me. One night I woke up
from itching and aching all over my body, so she mixed together
some baking soda (or powder) with something else. She then rubbed
it all over my body. It felt so gross at the time! I was almost
annoyed at what she was doing, and lacked confidence that it would be
soothing or help. But it was very soothing and brought much comfort.
I would love to let her know that her efforts and love and support
mean so much to me. I know I appreciated things when she was alive,
but probably not to the fullest. I wish I would have expressed my
gratitude more.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As I mentioned above, I frequently dream of visiting her in
her house. Sometimes her house is altered, but so beautifully.
Several times there has been a huge room with a gorgeous flowing
fountain in the middle. I'm still not really sure what the dreams
mean. But it seems that she is so happy and that there is such
beauty beyond words in the Other Side.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Actually, while I'm not ready to leave now or any time soon, I
welcome death in a way. When I think of my own death, my first
thoughts are of that I will be able to see my grandmother again.
I also believe that the Other Side welcomes so many unimaginable
and wonderful things. So while I fear leaving loved ones behind
here on our side, death is not really the end of life (to me).
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I honestly haven't found much closure yet, but I feel I'm much
closer. Maybe more than I realize.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Journaling has helped me some, as just an outlet for what I have
felt since her death. Also, talking to her at times helps, but is
still difficult.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
Her death happened very suddenly and was unexpected, even though
she was in her seventies.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that I had reached out more to my family as well as them
to me. I didn't receive a lot of support, but I think we were
all trying to cope in our own ways and working on accepting what
had happened. But it still leaves me feeling alone, even today.
I think it would have been very helpful and healing at the time, if
my family would have hugged me and told me that it's okay to cry (and
for how ever long as needed), and to talk about how I was feeling.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire was a lot more helpful than anticipated. I really
think that it was healing for me. Even though this is a project
for one of my classes, I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to
participate in this study. It gives me a lot to think about and
a lot to be able to share.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
There were a few questions that I didn't mind answering, but just
couldn't find the words to best convey my thoughts. I think that
it was just me though, not so much the questions. I can't think
of which ones they were at this point.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Oct 21 21:48:31 2001
F42 in Ripley, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
am sociologist with interest in thanatology
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Prof/Studies: writer/thanatologist
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
many
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Betty Eadie, Sylvia Browne, Rosemary Altea, John Edwards
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, yrs10 ago.
Cause of Death: blood clot; Aged: 62.
--Details:
Mom had cancer but suddenly needed emergency gall bladder surgery.
Threw blood clot from surgery and died suddenly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A transition from this place called life to the next step in our
spiritual development. We are here to learn lessons to benefit
our spirits and then "graduate" through death and go Home.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13 when grandma died.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandmother was ill but we thought she'd
recover. She felt better and was improving, then suddenly dropped
dead.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Nothing made sense anymore. Foods I loved sickened me, no clear-cut
goals because nothing was important. I had not only lost my mom
but she was my very best friend. Traumatized.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's not the end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My loved ones came to me after they died and reassured me that
there was something after death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Supportive friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to cry when I wanted to. I would have liked to have
been able to let emotions out without fear of reprisal.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know you love them. Let them know it's OK to go to
the light, that they won't be letting you down if they leave.
Sometimes they fret about that.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was a tremendous catharsis--I also laughed at the funeral because
a chorus of those wrist watches with alarms all sounded the time
at once. Several people were trying to silence those things during
the funeral. I think Mom laughed too!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
bring her flowers when she was alive to enjoy them, spend large
amounts of time with her and make the time count. I regret she's
gone but I feel no guilt whatsoever. I gave 110% to mom and held
back nothing that would have given her happiness.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how many flowers should be taken to the cemetery to pile up on
the gravesite. "For appearances"
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm feeling lonely or depressed about other things and more
vulnerable to sad feelings. Then the mind wanders and I end up
crying about maybe three or four things all at once.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We will be together again, in a place where there is no more misery
and heartache. There will be God's love throughout and so much
harmony and goodwill that all the anguish we experienced here will
be swept away.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
crawl in a hole and pull the hole in after me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
then seriously grieved deep inside because I realized how deep my
loss was.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
absolute incompetance and loathing.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not applicable
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a solid rock of faith to stand upon
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic/Gnostic Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Of course there's a common link. We're all SPIRITUAL beings in an
earthly shell, not vice versa. Someday you'll find that out.
--Regarding MONEY:
it brought out the worst in greedy relatives. My mother's sister
tried to cheat us out of our house and had some of her family and
in-laws harrass and threaten us. They thought their half of the
estate should be an amount that was actually over twice the value
of the WHOLE estate.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The staff was dignified and absolutely professional. I have great
respect for the funeral home we used and want them to handle all
of my future business.
The mourners: friends were wonderfully
supportive and relatives were profoundly anal.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
never noticing until I looked at mom in her casket that we have
the exact same nose.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
often, before death, the dying person knows what's going to happen.
As much as we don't want to acknowlege it, we should listen and
respect what they know is coming.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's ok to take your time to grieve and to jump between the stages.
It's ok to regress sometimes too, until you work it through.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I'm keenly psychic,I've had enough experiences of this kind to fill
a book, literally. They DO care about us, even after "death" and
make themselves known to those who are sensitive to the phenomenon.
They're very frustrated when they can't get our attention. I could
write you things for the next several hours on this subject.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My nephew was 5 years old and had heart surgery. While on the table
he died and returned. At that age he could not properly verbalize
his experiences, but remembered them clearly. As he got older we
talked about it and he had a near death experience exactly like
the ones described in Raymond Moody's "Life After Life"
--RE: 
