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See Current contributions.
See Sep 01 contributions.
See Aug 01 contributions.
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Wed Oct 31 20:15:42 2001
F20 in Sylvania, OH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: CNA, nursing major, sales associate
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: old age/ cancer; Aged: 89.
--Details:
I work in a nursing home and this was one of my very first residents
to be a CNA for and to have die on my shift. I had never cleaned
up a dead person before and I cried the whole time I did it.
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--Death Is:
medically defined as when the body ceases to function, the heart
stops, mental processes cease, and the body "lets go."
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really comprehend what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother died of old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was really upset, but I would not let anyone else know because
I think I was embarrassed.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's is not always a sad thing. The best way I could think to go
out of this world is with the Dave Matthew's Band song Two Step.
I teaches us to celebrate life instead.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it can be of great relief. It ends pain and sufferring for many
people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just time alone for contemplation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the body's appearance and the muscles slowly letting go.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hearing is the last sense to go. If you've ever been in a room
asleep and just felt someone walk in, I think that that is the
feeling that these people have when their vision and other senses
are starting to go.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I cried and cried and wouldn't look at the body at the wake.
The second day before the funeral I went in and held his hand.
I was still crying, but I needed to do that just to get some closure.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when you are younger it is just so hard to comprehend. You can be
present at the funeral and all, but still look for that person the
next time you go to their home. It is just so surreal.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
remebering the good times will aid you in feeling better.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my grandpa how much i loved him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help clean up that resident before the family arrived.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
one woman at the nursing home died, her eyes just looked so full
of pain and hurt that I felt relief for her to finally be out of
that pain.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
other's reactions.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am depressed and need someone to talk to.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
N/A
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I didn't get to spend more time with them.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see them once again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration. Some of these people can just feel so cold.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
confusing?
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't really an issue because they had planned everything out
and paid for it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people were very respectful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
lack of coherence, glossy eyes, decrease in body temperature, etc..
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
take time, but don't dwell in the past because you are currently
missing out on the present and the future is passing you by.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I think that this would bring back many strong feelings that have
since passed.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think to a certain extent their wishes should be carried out,
but I don't believe in keeping someone alive who is never going to
return to or have a good quality of life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know that when the time comes I want to be cremated and those
surviving me should take my life insurance and go on a vacation to
celebrate my life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I saw a psychologist. Also, my mom, sisters and I sat around and
watched depressing Lifetime movies for three days straight.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was too long.
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Wed Oct 31 19:07:17 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 2WEEKS ago.
Cause of Death: HEART ATTACK; Aged: 52.
--Details:
I am shocked because he was not surposed to died he was recovering
from open heart surgey
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--Death Is:
death is going home to God in eternal life A kind of sleep
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was 21 years old when Grandma passed and was in disbelief
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY OCT 142001
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I am still in disbelief and shoced and feel numb
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The last words I spoken to my husband were I love you and he went
to take a nap when he woke he was with God
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family are here taking care of me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I cant believe he will never walk threw the door again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have more time with him before he died
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: at what age
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Tue Oct 30 22:34:57 2001
F19 in Toledo, OH =USA=
Name: Heather
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bridge to Terebethia
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 65.
--Details:
Even though he wasn't a smoker, my granpa contracted lung cancer
because of the welding that he used to do when he was a plumber
before he retired, and when welding was less safe than it is now
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--Death Is:
when the body which is provided at birth shuts down, ceasing all
functions
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and prayed
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...the first significant death that I remember
is that of my Grandma on my Dad's side.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the look on my grandma's face of loss and despair. She had been
with my grandpa for so many years, she had just lost everything,
or at least it seemed like it at the time.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how death really should be a celebration of the soul's departure
from this earthly prison into heaven
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I smelled my grandpa the last time that I saw him, and hugged him
extra-hard for an extra-long time. It was as if I knew that I
wouldn't see him alive again.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My boyfriend. He held me when I needed to be held, and let me deal
with the grief in my way without pushing or being nosy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I will never see my grandpa again, or that my children
will never know my grandpa. My grandpa was a great guy and it was
a shame to lose him so early in his life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Actions are more powerful than words. Sometimes a hug is worth a
thousand pieces of advice on how you'll get through it.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that every death has it's purpose, and that my grandpa is
so much happier now in heaven where he doesn't have to suffer with
the cancer in his lungs anymore.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My grandpa that had been sick for so long lived longer than my
grandpa who was always the healthy one. I was away at school when
he died and when my Dad called to tell me about it, I had to ask
him which grandpa had died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
at the brunch after the funeral, my family shared humorous stories
about family vacations in order to lighten the mood.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See him more often. Because we lived in different states it was
hard to visit more than a few times a year.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See my grandpas each a few months before they died, when they were
both still relatively healthy. Also, both of them got to meet my
long-term boyfriend.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my dad (divorced) cried over my grandpa's funeral, because he had
been like a dad to him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember some of the good times that we had together, or the fact
that I'll never get to hug him again on Earth
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he should have lung cancer and those smokers who blow smoke
in my face everyday don't
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried, and wanted to cry for all of my family members
who would miss him too.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
knowledge that they too are human, and that we as humans are all
meant to die sometime
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no hospice
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I could pray and take comfort in the fact that my grandpa was
in a much better place than this world could ever offer him.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like people acknowledging that God is everywhere
--Regarding MONEY:
I wasn't involved
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how inappropriate it was for the sister of the Catholic church to
give a eulogy when she obviously didn't know him that well
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wishing that I could have given the eulogy instead
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
have no knowledge of this
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I do not feel that there are any unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope to hear that he is having a great time in heaven and
joyfully awaits the day when the rest of him family can join him
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
this was not an issue with my family
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about this often when I feel that I am doing something that
is not worthy of my time.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
do not have one
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I am better friends with all of my family members
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was too young to understand the implications of what was happening,
even though I was old enough to know that my grandma wasn't coming
back.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
Because I was so young, I didn't have many memories to hold on to
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to help my mom, my aunts, and my grandma
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have dealt with my issues with this death, and while this study
did not help, it did not hurt
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Tue Oct 30 16:23:03 2001
M20 in toledo, Oh =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: PRe-MED
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumors; Aged: 68.
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--Death Is:
leaving earth to go to a better place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
held in my emotions
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandmother
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's inevitable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother is no longer in pain
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the funeral
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't cry and eeryone else did
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why her
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they do their best
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
the workers are amazing people
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
my dad performed the funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
presbyterian
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
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Tue Oct 30 14:21:54 2001
M22 in Toledo, Ohio =United States=
Name: James Koch
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: emphysema; Aged: 66.
--Details:
cigarretes
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--Death Is:
Life after death if u believe, and for the living a painful situation
that you can not stop from happening
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 19
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my grandma
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my grandma was the one piece holding our family together after her
death our family has never been the same
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to better deal with it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i feel i can talk to my grandma anytime anywhere now she will now
always be with me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my fiancce, and cousin
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing my grandma was not coming back i could no longer go and
visit her, or hear her voice again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That they are loved and will not be forgotten
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel that are loved ones are always with us watching down on us
and protecting us
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldnt hear my grandmas voice anymore, i couldnt go visit her,
and i couldnt hug her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my grandma and i used to laugh a lot together
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i feel that there was nothing to change i cherish the memories
me and my grandma had, although i often wonder if she would have
never smoked if she would still be here today, so i might keep her
from smoking
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know my grandma and have a wonderful relationship with her,
she has made an impact on my life forever and has changed me for
the better
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i could still smell my grandmas perfume and hear her voice in my head
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be wonderful my grandma will always be close to me no
matter what
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my grandma is not her because cigarettes gave her emphysema
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
reverse time and visit her again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
limited options, the only thing they could do was make my grandma
feel comfortable, and wait for her death
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot it comforted my grandma when she was dying because she believed
she was going to heaven and that is where she is
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding MONEY:
i didnt care about money, money meant nothing to me, my grandma
meant everything, although i cant say that would be true with all
of my family members
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
our family which was in conflict with one another were all in the
same room for the first time since i was a little kid, you can
belive that everybody wouldnt have been in that room together if
it wasnt for my grandma
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i knew that my grandma had passed away before my grandpa found out,
i couldnt tell my grandpa, the nurse had to tell him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
in the case of emphysema---oxygen tank, coughing, inhalers
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
grieving involved going to the funeral visiting the graveyard and
talking to my grandma all the time
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i believe i have had several encounters, my grandmas perfume smell
still comes up every now and then, objects in the room sometimes
move if u mention my grandma, and other family members have had
similar situations happen with them
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just tell her i loved her but she already knows that
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandma moves things, and you can smell her perfume
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
that my will is done properly
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be very scared, but the thought of visiting loved ones that
has passed seems very encouraging
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i just talk to my grandma
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i learned a lot thru my grandma and that has helped me to live
my life
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my cousin but we have always been close no matter what
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
talking about it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just comforted them as much as i could
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it has been very helpful and touches home, it still makes you
realize how much you miss loved ones that have passed away
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no nothing to change
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Tue Oct 30 14:01:46 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 79.
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--Death Is:
The Extinguishing of human life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelief
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Grandmother Died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not feeling that bad
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
acknowledging the person was gone
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cope
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Mon Oct 29 21:57:27 2001
F20 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of CoWorker, almost 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: 62.
--Details:
It was actually kind of sudden...I mean she only had cancer for a
year if even that...other people I know that have died of cancer
have had it for awhile.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end of a persons life as we know it on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and don't really remeber a whole lot about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was a relative, but I was very young.
All I really remeber is just being at the funeral home, not really
understanding what was going on.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how she touched so many lives around me that I had no idea about,
and how her death affected everyone in the department, whether
it was those that had been there since the beginning or those new
employees that just started.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's a way of life and no matter how we live, all of us will
eventually die, and there is no one in the world, not even the best
doctor's that can stop this process from happening.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
remebering all the good times spent with those that I have lost
throughout the years.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
listening to music and being able to express my feelings through
poems. I also sometimes look to nature for help, in just knowing
that she is still with me as long as I allow her to live through me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
as with any death, the fact that you won't ever get to see them
or talk to them again. Also with this death, the fact that it all
happened to progress so fast.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to what they have to say and comfort them. Let them know
that you will always be there for them.
--[My CoWorker's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
treasure what time I was able to spend with her and get to know
her the best I could.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nothing seemed to help. With cancer patients the routine is usually
chemo and radiation and she went through all of that. Why does it
help some people and not do a thing for others?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was remembering and reliving all the good time that we had
together.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to spend more time with her and get to know her more than what
I was able to. To be there for her when she needed me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get the chance to work with her and be a part of her life until
the end.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something I see or here reminds me of her...certain smells and such.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think I would take life for granted as much as I do now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I think everyone has that thought. I don't know if anybody else
does this, but pray or whatever and say to take me instead of her,
or I should be the one b/c she has so mych more to give than me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
really broke down inside, but then I realized I had to go on for
that person, that they would have wanted that.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
trust and caring for her. They really tried there best to help
her and was said to see that it progressed to the point where there
was nothing that anyone could do but wait.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I would have the hopes of seeing my friend in heaven when I die,
and that I know that she is safe and with God.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that even though that person may not be physically present, they are
always with us in spirit and we can freely talk to them whenever
we feel the need to let something out. This could also help with
the grieving process.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was used to benefit others with cancer...the family set up a
fund for breast cancer in her name.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was a time for those to come and pay their respects to their
fallen friend and co-worker with much gratitude and grace.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
that the person may not always act as how you remembered them to
be...or didn't seem to be as happy about life as they used to be.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a good thing to cry and let your emotions out...it's natural
and is better than keeping your emotions in.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i'm not sure whether or not this occured, b/c i was not present
when she passed from this world.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say to them that I love them and that I'm glad to have had
the opportunity to spend what time I was given with them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i knew I was going to die soon, I would try to accomplish things
that I have always wanted to do. I would spend more time with family
and friends...and just hang out and talk. I would hope that I have
made a difference in at least one person's life, or that I have in
some way made one person's life a little easier.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
it usually involves writing them something whether a poem or letter
of some sort of the things that i did not get to say to them while
they were alive.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
writing about it, music, prayer, helping others get through it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
why them?
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I really enjoyed this questionnaire. It has made me look at death
with a different perspective in that death is just a part of life.
It is the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one.
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Mon Oct 29 21:02:38 2001
F48 in , British Columbia =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Special Education Teacher
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Angels
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 31 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 89.
--Details:
She was living in an senior's home with nursing staff. She died
on Christmas day. She must have been lonely with only one son
(and his family) living near her. My family lived 10 hours away.
We had only just moved away the August before so I was terribly
saddened that she died on Christmas day. She had Allsheimer (sp)
disease so I'm not sure how much clarity she had near the end.
6 months before I visited her often and she would talk to herself
about her life of 40 years before. She was a devout christian and
was very happy with her life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of a new life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 17 years old.
--That first time, how it happened was
My dad's mother died and not long after my mom's dad died.
We lived 10 or more hours away so my parents decided to not take
the family, but instead left quickly and I stayed home to look
after my younger sibling. I was deeply sad at the loss of both
of these grandparents, but because I didn't attend the funeral, I
didn't become consumed by the grief of a loving family. I reflect
on their death often though and I don't think that they themselves
were sad to die. They knew in their heart that they were going to
God, so for them it may have been an exciting adventure. Who knows?
For me, I remember, their faces and their light touch upon my hair.
And yes, I know they weren't sad to go.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother shivered and fell into her chair beside the phone. It was
like an electric shock went through her and I was concerned that
she touched a live wire.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not a horrible place to go. I am not afraid.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I don't believe anything of what was just said. I don't think
death is tough or difficult. How can it be tough when it just
simply happens? Saying goodbye is difficult, but that has nothing
to do with death. And, to me, a loving goodbye with no secrets
and no regrets is the key to a good death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
simply believing that there is more to death then the pain of dying.
Whoever told me that child birth was a pain easily forgotten was
correct. The pain of dying is even quicker forgotten. For within
seconds of being dead you are transported into a new realm of
consciousness, a new life. How can you remember pain where no
pain exists?
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the hardest part about dealing with the death of my grandparents
or the death of friends or my inlaws, is that now when I recall
their faces and I remember a wonderful detail - I can't phone them
up and say, "Hey, I was just thinking of you".
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I can't offer advice, but I can ask them to say hi to my grandparents
for me.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Sorry, I never learned much from their death. I miss them, and
we'll always miss our loved ones - it is for the living who have
the most difficult time.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother was so shocked.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
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Mon Oct 29 11:17:37 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
have to do a paper on this
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 16yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: =at=75.
--Details:
Too young to remember a lot of it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone is no longer physically around
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not really understand it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandpa died when I was 4
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the way the person looked in the coffin and that they where never
coming back to life
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
give a lot of understanding
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
what I learned from the person that died...also the experiences.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that person will no longer be there
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
people acknowledge every little thing you do
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Sun Oct 28 23:49:06 2001
F40 in , tenn =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1997 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning off a new life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was a child and i just wanted my aunt to come back
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my Aunt who also was my godmother was hit
by a car while she was crossing the street
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
they had to cover her hands with a flower arragment becacauese they
where so tore up
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
no support
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the car that hit her was speeding and the boy wwho was driving
never got away with it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just that being there and hold their hand
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
after all these years i still love her as i did then
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i never got to see her again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
held all of them one more time and to tell each of them how much
i loved them
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
telling us how sorry they were
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
make me want to have my family back and it be like when i was a
small child
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
yes i would be living with the people i love and we would always
be togather
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i got to the point i couldn't think and just wanted to disapear
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt anger,saddness,hate,
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
anger
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
god will call you home when he wants you no matter what your age
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
there is only one god and one heaven
--Regarding MONEY:
it was more inportant them our feelings
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
she was really gone
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
saying goodbye
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
childlike behaver
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being there didn't help
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she was ready to go
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
for them to tell me we will be togeather again and heaven real
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
childrrens wishes
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would rather not know
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing a letter to my motherinlaw and then buring it at here grave
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
and knowing she still is with me
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i was at my motherinlaw beside the day before and the day she died
and i was the one she told she wanted the life support turn off
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it's reminded me of all the people i have lost and how few are left
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Sun Oct 28 20:45:14 2001
F22 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: age; Aged: 91.
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--Death Is:
the end of evolution for the human body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt butterflys in my stomach and didnt want it to be true.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother died from old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that we knew it was coming but still did not want to admit it.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
sharing it with my family and knowing they felt the same way i did.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
when you cant do anything about it. and also the feeling of silence
you feel afterwards.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dont think she wouldl ive to be that old!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why is death so random and unrational?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still didnt want it to be real.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Sun Oct 28 20:29:44 2001
F20 in Maumee, Ohio =United States of America=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 73.
--Details:
SHe was getting older and herc ancer spread and she had to be on
oxygen all the time, but she still smoked to her last day alive.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is something that causes a lot of pain for people because
someone close to them leaves forever and they never get to see
them again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't really affected that much because iwas only 10 years old. I
did not understand that this person would never be there in my
life again.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my great-grandmother, she died of natural causes
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My aunts all cried and my one aunt didn't even change out of her
pajamas for days after her death. I remember how everyone went and
stayed with my granfather and helped each other.
--What I think my (United States of America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is an inevitable thing. It is going to happen to everyone
and that when someone dies they are going to a better place.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time i got to spend with that person while they were here on
earth. And my religion comforts me also to know that that person
is in a better place.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i had a great boyfriend at the time who let me cry and cry and cry,
because i knew i couldn't cry in front of my family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i never really knew my grandmother that well, i never got a
chance to know her and here her stories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just sit with that person and be there for them, you don't even
have to say a word.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned how strong i could be for my dad and the rest of my family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She actually died, i never thought it would happen so soon.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It made me feel better. I felt guilty for laughing but i think it
was kind of a defense mechanism, because everything felt so surreal
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know her better and spent more time with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to spend time with her the night before she died, she got to
see my face and knew that i cared enough to be there for her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see or hear something that reminds me of something special that
reminds me of her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think i wouldn't feel so bad about not getting to know her because
i would have made more time to spend with her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't have enough time with that person.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Escape to somewhere far from here
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accepted what had happened and tried to move on.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Good feelings, They did everything they could to try to help.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
She didn't have hospice even though she had cancer, my granfather
took care of her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Church meant a lot more because i felt like i had somewhere to
go to pray. I also found out she was saved before she died, which
comforted me because i knew she would be going to a better place.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran.
--Regarding MONEY:
My relatives were very worried about money. Especially when it came
to paying for the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How nice and understanding people were.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Burying that person.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When that person can't get out of bed anymore and they can't move.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I am not aware that this happened
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that whatever issues i had with her are taken care of.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope to tell her how much i loved her i would hope she
would tell me the same.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think the dying person should have a very well written out about
what, where, and how they want to be buried and how it will be
payed for.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think that whenever it is my time to go God will take me. I think
it will be peaceful.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went to visit her grave and "talked" to her.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I "talk " to God about her a lot.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me think about how i really felt when she died and how
my feelings have changed as i have gotten older.
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Sun Oct 28 14:02:47 2001
F20 in , Michigan ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
needed to write a paper.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 15.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our physical existance on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Very young and very close to the person.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my foster mother and i was 9.
she died of natural causes.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being at the funeral home with all my peers and everyone who was
driving by had his name writen on their arms saying that they
loved him. It was also scary b'c it was an open casket service
(he shot himself in the head)
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
friendships that hold together no matter what happens...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I tried suicide many times when i was his age but never succeeded.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
knowing there is support out there
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized how important everyone is no matter how young they are.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw the signs but it was too late....
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
no one really laughed.....he shot himself in the head, remember???
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him, tell him there is a chance for him and people do
love him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
find comfort in my boyfriends x girlfriend that didn't like me
too much.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i visited his grave site and told him that even my mom loved him
(she was his "mean ol'" bus driver)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my depression comes back every once in a while.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
a lot of kids would still act like kids and not so grown up and
sad...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i didn't succeed so he shouldn't have...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
yell at him...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt empathy for him, i had been there and tried that.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
caring and compasion, there was little visible evidence of a gun
wound on his head...
--Religious Affiliation:
christian, united brethren
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i had another friend die of unknown causes and my boyfriend and i
thought we saw him about a month ago...
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
well when i went to my boyfriends aunts funeral another aunt was
taking pictures.....just a little morbid.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not affraid to die, i've come to peace with myself and i love
my self now
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
friends and love
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
possibly the one about laughing......there is nothing funny about
suicide.
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Sat Oct 27 14:35:05 2001
F21 in , =Belgium=
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yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 15 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died of cancer when I was about three years old.
--Religious Affiliation:
christianity
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Fri Oct 26 14:48:03 2001
F20 in ft. worth, tx =usa=
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Prof/Studies: none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: gun; Aged: 24.
--Details:
He had gone out with his friend and ignored me for the weekend. Got
real fucked up on crank, and alcohol. I had called his friend to
find out what the deal was and to see if he was over there. His
friend lied to me and said he was not over there (He did not like
talking to me when he was real messed up). Befor I had called they
were taling all the bullets out of the gun. When I had called,
he forgot to take the rest out. Playing around he shoot his self
in the head, while I was on the phone. I did not know at the time
what it was. His best-friend started to flip out screaming, hung
the phone up. I kept calling but I could'nt understand him, finally
I got what he was saying.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was broken
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my boyfriend, he was on drugs, and
holding a gun to his head, playing around, it was a hair trigger,
and it went off.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens, there is no more pain and hurt for that person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family, friends understood more what I was going
through
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not saying I loved him that day, not ever seeing him agian, being
on the phone and hearing it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Ther is nothing you can say, just be there for crying and hugging
and listen
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i will see him agian
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him I loved him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with it
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see movies like the relationship we had.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
nothing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
its real
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i wanted to camp at his grave
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not happy, doing drugs, to much pain from years back, not caring
about your health
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
its still hard
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
drugs do help, well it helps to forget, talking about it helps
alot, crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
He was the one for me
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Fri Oct 26 14:19:11 2001
F22 in LUbbock, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 1 1/2 ago.
Cause of Death: Murder; Aged: 19.
--Details:
My friend came home form work and someone was waiting in her
apartment. He hit the back of her head with a blunt object then set
her on fire. She died before he lit her on fire. There was no smoke
in her lungs. There was no motive. No stealing, or attemptive rape.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when a persons soul and spirit leaves there body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
My grandpa died when I was 8.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I went across the street and my dog followed
me and got ran over. I was sitting in the street trying to help
my dog and I almost got hit too.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I could see my self crying for my friend. It was like I was in a
top corner of my room and I could see my self grieving. I made my
parents leave. For 3 months I was despertly depressed. I slept
20 hrs a day. Quit eating, and got down to weighing 80 lbs.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not always a horrible thing. Other cultures celebrate
death. I think Americans make death a horrible and feared thing,
and that we need more talking, and conversation to help kids grown
into a healthy perspective of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my friend died...she was stil beautiful. She will always be
beautiful. She will never grow old and wrinkly. That is something
that I am glad for.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I slept for 3 months to deal with it, then I got involved in my
curhch and got good friends that could help me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The eternity of it. Death is forever. There is no coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk about fun stuff, and not just dying. Remind the person that
there life was significant.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was just 19 and a senior in college. She had everything
in the world going for her. No enemies, no one who hated her.
Just a quite girl, who now is dead.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't laugh. Not even once. I had also lost my baby 2 days
before.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just let her know that I thought she was amazing. And how much i
loved her. I wish I had been a better friend.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Just know her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I thik about her future, and all that she is missing out on.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would protect her. Keep herself safe.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It was not fair. She had so much more for herself. Now it is
cut short.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Find the person who killed her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
My friend nathan died in 6th grade. I saw him at the funeral home
and i just wanted him to get up. I swore I saw him move. Then he
just wasn't there at school, and it hit me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not available
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Praying for her family at church. making sure they had food.
Getting her funerla together.
--Religious Affiliation:
Non Denominational.
--Regarding MONEY:
Everything was so expensive.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was just beautiful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing her picutre on the casket.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
N/A
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Before her funeral, I had a dream that we were singing together.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Prayer and Acceptance.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
being youong, and having good parents.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Fri Oct 26 12:10:33 2001
F19 in Plainview, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
A Research Study Assignment in my Developmental Psychology Class
at WBU
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Prof/Studies: Psychology and Religion Student at WBU
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: health complications; Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the separation of the soul and spirit from the body. It is then when
we are judged for our life and our eternal destiny is assigned. For
those who know Christ they will abide with God, for those who
rejected their Creator they are eternally separted from his presence
(he is life, joy, peace, ...)Death is when this all comes about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really understand how that would affect others
and really had a very minimal reaction.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great grandmother died. I didn't know her
very well, she very sickly looking and I did not recognize her. She
gave me a teddy bear before she died. I don't remember much, except
how upset the adults around me were.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my grandmother attempting to make the funeral a party. Her tring
always to be happy and make everyone else be happy. I think she
was relieved. I can remember how hard my mom took it. She was very
sad. I remember that his absence could be felt whenever we met. I
can remember the change in my great grandmother and how they put
her in a nursing home after that.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it does not have to be a terrible time of mourning. Death can
be a good thing. Some who live in pain, death takes that pain from
them. For those who know the Lord, death is when they finally go
home. This culture also needs to better remember and respect the
dead. We have a bad habit for forgetting them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that all 6 of my mom's brothers and sisters were together again at
the funeral -- they haven't been like that for 10 years before and
haven't been since. A wonderful picture of them all was taken to
pursurve that moment.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Is just to be able to think about that person with fond memories
and be able to laugh about my past with them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
their noticable absence from family events.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know, I have never been is that situation.
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to go on. You can not allow such an event keep you from
continuing. You also must mourn -- you can not go on until you have
mourned or it will eat away at you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandmother reacted so strangly -- almost with relief. I wonder
if they might have had a much worse relationship than any of us
had guessed.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is okay to laugh -- it is good and healthy
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him. Talk to him more -- hear his stories.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
, it was my great grandmother that was ill. Not him, why did he die,
and why didn't we notice the tole it was taking on him?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
It really doesn't get difficult any more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very quiet and contemplative.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
satisfaction. They do the best that they can do, they try hard,
and they want to help. I believe that thaey care.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot. My faith is what I cling to in any time of hardship.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comfortable. I believe that we each contain a spirit, that Christ
can make alive or it can be left separted from him (spiritually
dead). There is only one truth, which is Christ, but every
individual's spirit (and soul) are eternal and will be judged for
their life here on earth.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was a great hardship (financially) for everyone to be able to
attend, for my family is spead across the country.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I have only been to a funeral once -- I was very young. I was not
able to recognize the person in the coffin -- it did not look like
my Grandmother.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
everyone's different approaches to death and mourning.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I just feel that I did not get to know him well enough. I therefore
enjoy talking to my mom and listening to her memories of him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just like to hear him talk again, to listen to him tell me
a story. This would help me resolve my regret of his passing.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My parents, upon their death, want to be cremated. That I idea
bothers me a little. But -- I will respect their wishes out of
a respect for them. I believe that it is important. But I also
don't believe that it is all that important what happens to you
when you die -- you are dead and those who feel they need all of
this extragagance are silly.
When I die I want it to be a happy
occation. I desire to be missed of course (more as I desire to
make an impact in the world that will be missed, I want to be worth
missing), but I want those around me to remember I will be in the
arms of my Heavenly Father and will have NO desire to return.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew my death was coming I think that I would live more
purposefully! I think I waste too much time whining and being sad
and stressed. I need to be happy and enjoy life, for it will not
always be this way.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just to remember all the good memories that I have. To engrave in
my mind a positive image of my Great Grandfather.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was too young to REALLY understand what was happening. Plus she
was older, so I could justify it better.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it provided an interesting way to systematically evaluate
my own thoughts with and experiences with death.
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Fri Oct 26 10:44:42 2001
F20 in Albuquerque, New Mexico =USA=
Name: LaToya
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: college student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
N/A
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
N/A
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 17.
--Details:
He was killed in his car, and no knows who did it or why they did
it. He was really a cool person and a young man at that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that has to happen and happens all day everyday. Some die
in their sleep, some are killed, accidental, etc. Death to me is
like being born, but just the oppisite. Death is hard to explain,
because everyone has their own interpretations of it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was only in the first grade. It was my mother and I was really
close to her. I remember she couldn't go anywhere without taking me,
or unless she put me to sleep, but usually I woke up and seen that
she was gone and I use to be mad at her the next day.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my mother died when i was seven years old. She
died from a heart attack, and it was really difficult for my sister
and I to deal with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My sister and I became heart broken to the point that we just didn't
care about anything anymore. We did what we wanted and when we wanted
to do it. I remember that my Aunt that was keeping us sent us to
our grandma and I guess she couldn't handle us, so she put us in a
foster home. My sister didn't stay as long as I did, because my Aunt
that was keeping us in the first place got custody of her and when
she tried to get custody of me she had to fight it against my dad.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to handle it better, how to move on with their lives, and
realize that God took them away, because it was time for him/her
to go home to a better place (if they are saved).
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother was able to spend the best seven years of my life with
her, and doing that taught me everything I know. It has made me a
stronger, better person, and I am grateful and thankful for that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking to close friends and knowing that they are listening and
are there for me for support.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Moving on with my life. It has been thirteen years since my mother
has died and I still grieve about it a lot. While I was growing up it
was really hard to see my friends or other kids with their parents,
and I use to always wish my mother wasn't died so I could hug her,
give her a kiss, and just talk to her and know that she is there
for me. But I now know that she is with me always in my heart.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to them, make them laugh or at least smile, try not to
show to much sorrow, because it could make the dying friend/person
depressed. Just be there for them and let them know that you love
them and maybe even talk about the good times, and let them know
that you will always remember them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became a stronger person after my mom died. It's a hard and painful
experience that anyone has to go through, but in my case it made
me a stronger person. I am able to deal with other deaths a little
easier, but most of all having to deal with the hardships of life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My mother died i didn't even know what death was, and when it came
to her funeral and everyone was viewing her body and when i got up
there to view her body i just thought she was sleep and was going to
come home later that night. I was confused why everyone was crying,
why my mom was in the casket (at that time i thought it was a long
box) and why everyone was looking at her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
appreciate the things my mom did for me more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know my mom for the seven years that i did.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mother was in a peaceful state now and a better place.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I dont know???
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
im feeling down or depressed about something. i remember her or
when i think about that i dont remember what my mom looks like i
get really sad and cry.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think i would've been a nicer person, graduated high school with
better grades, be a better person as a whole.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that anyone has to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die and be there with her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became to understand death and the pain that comes along with it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I dont know
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I wish i was able to go with her in the ambulance, and be with her
as she died on the way to the hospital.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the most to my mom, but to some of my family they didn't attend
chruch regularly.
--Religious Affiliation:
Happy Union Baptist Church is my current affiliation
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone wanted everyone else to pay for it. no one really wanted
to give up their own money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How the friends of my mom sat in the front of the church while family
sat in the back in a different room. I distinctly remember that,
because i remember seeing my dad in the front and being with all
of my family in another room that could see the front of the chruch.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I dont know
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think my family on my moms side needs to get closer together
and not hate one another. I think the only way to help this is if
everyone wants to come together, because you cant help anyone who
doesnt want help.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them how much i missed them and what i was doing and
how i was doing. Feeling them in on the times that they missed,
and things like that. I think it would help me come to a closeure
with it.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
After my mom died one of my cousins calim they seen her while they
were sleep but ended up waking up seeing her in a rocking chair
looking at her. Another time when my great grandmother died another
cousin said they seen my mom infront of her, but didn't want to
tell me or my sister because she thought she might upset us with it.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want people to think about the good and happy times before
i died. The good things that i did.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i knew i was going to die soon, i would want to make amends
with all of my family and old friends or the people i was mean
too. I would want to go to a theme park or water park, maybe even
to the Bahamas or some island and just feel relaxed and unworried
about dying.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I ususally talk to a close friend who i know who will listen,
because I just want them to listen to me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yeah, and sometimes they do things that remind me of the person
who died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
When her birthday comes up, and the day that she died comes around.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think the best help would've been better support from family and
more passionate.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has let me be able to open up and experss my feeling better.
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Thu Oct 25 13:02:04 2001
F31 in Plainview, Texas =United States=
Name: JoAnn Garcia
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Criminal Justice/Psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
N/A
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you cease to live. You stop breathing, your heart stops
beating, your internal organs stop functioning; basically everything
that functions to keep the body alive stops and you die, but life
and the world go on without you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
understood it but it didn't really have an impact on me because
I was not close to my grandmother. I felt bad for my dad because
she was his mother, but as for me I knew I wouldn't miss her and I
felt bad about that because I felt like I should miss her at least
a little, but I didn't and I knew I never would.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my dad's mother whom I was not very close to and I was pretty
young so I didn't really have a hard time with it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wanting to find some of my brother in everything and everyone around
me. I wanted my little brother to be more like my big brother.
I wanted to hear stories about my older brother so I could feel
closer to him. The thing I remember most vividly is the feeling
that I didn't know him as well as I wish I had. I was a teenager and
was too wrapped up in my world to notice anything or anybody else.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I wouldn't change anything about the culture. I think it deals
with death and closure very well.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it has brought my family closer. We were all pretty distant
from each other (not geograhically)and when my brother died, I
think we realized that we all took each other for granted and the
fact that we and our parents would always be there.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The most support was spending time with my family and when I
needed, spending time alone and sometimes with close friends.
When I was with my friends and I needed to cry all of the sudden,
they understood; the same with my family and most of the time they
would cry with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I would never see my brother again and knowing that
I wasted a lot of time on myself when I should've been using it to
get closer to him and getting to know him better so that I wouldn't
feel like I hardly knew him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know how to answer this question because I have no advice.
My stepfather is dying and I avoid being around him because I know
he is dying and I don't know how to act around him. I am getting
married next May and he made the comment to me that he wished I
would do it sooner and me like a dumb ass asked him why and he said
so he could be around to see it.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel about them. I don't want to ever die or them die without
knowing that I loved them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why the hospital couldn't (or at the time I thought "wouldn't")
do more to try to save him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I had no urge,that I can recall, to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my brother more and be friends not just brother and sister.
When he was dying, I wished I had said good-bye and told him I loved
him instead of just standing there like an idiot in disbelief that
he was really dying!!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
no comment
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
??
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how many people were at the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a picture or someone that hadn't seen him in a while asks me
how and where he is.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't know how it would differ for me personally, but I think my
big brother still being alive would've benefitted my little brother
because he grew up with a bunch of sisters. He was 13 when our older
brother died and that would be one of the times that he needed him
the most; just to show him things about being a guy or a man.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he's too young to die and he's my brother. this happens to other
families, not mine.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
erase what happened that night and paint a different picture of
what I would rather have happened.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and wished with all my might that God would let him come back
because he was my brother and this wasn't supposed to happen.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
it was not good. I felt that they could've done more. I don't
know for sure, because I was maybe in shock to really know what
they were or weren't doing. I just felt that they could've done
something more.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
??
--Religious Affiliation:
Current and past is Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right. I believe there is a common link of Spirit in all deaths.
If they were a Christian, they will be in Heaven with Jesus.
--Regarding MONEY:
MY brother's wife got the money.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
anger, denial, being reflective on their life.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
??
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
n/an/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any unresolved issued. I just wish I could've been
closer to him. Nobody can help me with that. That's just something
I will always wish because there's no way to know him better or
him to know me better now.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would help a great dea. I would tell him I loved him even
though he probably already knew that. I would still tell him and
tell him that I'm sorry for not ever trying to be "friends" while
he was still here and that I would miss and never forget him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I don't know if it was so much that he came to visit me, but I have
had several dreams about my brother. I think its just because
I happened to be thinking of him that day or recently and just
wishing he was still here.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Whether I wanted to be buried or cremated. where I wanted to be
buried; open or closed casket. I would hope that people would
miss me and I wouldn't want anyone whom I was enemies with (which
hopefully I wouldn't have any) not be there to gloat.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be afraid and maybe in denial just because I'm so afraid
of death itself. I don't think I would want to know how or when
I was going to die. Even if I did know, I think I would carry on
as if nothing was wrong in the hopes that it would just "go away".
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
n/a
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
There were no new emerging friendships, I just remember it brought me
and one of my sisters and my little brother really close. My other
sisters were close too, but not as close as the three of us.
We were inseparable. even though they both live far away now,
I still feel the closeness we have.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Talking about and remembering in your own way the one who has died
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I don't like to think about death, because I am actually afraid
of dying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to let me talk about how scared I am of death and if they had
anything to help me cope with the idea. I would want to reach out
to the priest of my church and have him come pray with me everyday
because I would find comfort in prayer.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it has been very useful and helpful. I have been able to
actually put into words some of my feelings and not feel like I'm
telling someone who has heard the same thing over and over.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
n/a
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Thu Oct 25 01:25:35 2001
F47 in san francisco, california =usa=
Name: denise garma
Email: <denise_garma=at=yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: retired
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 26 years ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes,stroke; Aged: 63.
--Details:
he had been in the I.C.U. wing for a week and no one had called me
to let me know.the whole time he kept asking for (Pill) his name
for me.When I finally got a phone call from one of my sissters,It
was 7 days later. She called me at work at 9p.m. to tell me I'm a
bartender.I called the hospital and talked to to his DR. he told
me that my dad was going to be transfered to his own room, that
he was out of danger. I then talked to my dad and told him that I
would be there in the a.m And he just said that he would always be
watching over me and that he loved me, he died 21 minutes later.He
was my best friend .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
freeing our spirits so that we could go on with our next life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young and was n;t close to them.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my grandfather,(step) i wasn't very
close to him i was afraid i think . i was only 5 or 6.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is how my spirit inside of me ripped to shreds . and the hurt and
lonliness , my whole world sharrted and there is a hole inside of
me thatt is still here.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that no one is getting out of here alive
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my dad is still here inside of me I talk to him all the time
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
no one
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i still haven't been able to. the pain is still as fresh and deep
as if he just passed now
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them go with all the respec that they could every deserve
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
that when some says that time heals and the pain will get less and
less are full of shit. time doesn't make my pain any less.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
I'm not afarid of passing over it is just the start of another
journey .
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? News Coverage
n/a
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Oct 24 20:35:17 2001
M21 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, half a year ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the moment the body stops working. The heart no longer beats and
the person no longer breathes. Their life on earth has ended.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was eight or so, my great grandmother died.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I came home a day after Easter this year,
2001 to find my mother had killed herself. She lived only a few
apartments away from mine.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone tried to use the situation to mend their own selfish
and hateful hearts.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The proper ways to deal with death. Just knowing how to cope... it
helps.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my mother was finally at rest within herself.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my partner and his family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing she was gone and it was forever.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i dont know.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Coached myself and my family through the grieving processes.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Nothing was really confusing to me. I knew what happened and why.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
there's a day like today, 10/24, her birthday.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
allowed myself to cry, then talk about it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how large a turn out there was. I was so happy that so many people
showed up to pay their respects. She was more loved than she knew.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the limited time to plan the funeral and such- it all happened
so fast.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Occasionally I will have a dream where my mother is
involved... talking, laughing or just being herself.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire was fair... but what about people who experience
sudden losses?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Oct 24 19:40:41 2001
M20 in Plainview, TX =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart problems; Aged: 60.
--Details:
Was felling better then just passed suddenly
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A gateway to another life. A kind of transistion to the heavenly
realm.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Helped comfort others
--That first time, how it happened was
My Great Grandmother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone crying and trying to help everyone else
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not all fun and games and watching all these films full of
death hardens us to the real fact of it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
They are not suffering anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading and studying the bible
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wondering where they are going after death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
It is good to let them know you care, and love them.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Get to know them before it is to late
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was glad that they had gone to a better place and remembered the
good and funny times
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of all the times I missed, when I didn't get to know them
well enough.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think of heaven when we will se them again
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they said he was doing better
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
cry
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to miss getting to know them
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not much faith
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A lot people in the church helped very much with all the familys
needs
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
How to split what was left and since it was so sudden what to do
with property and such.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many freinds showed up for support
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Being a pallbearer to someone I didn't know well
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
say i am sorry for being to busy to visit
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of dying I have had a good life so far and if it
were to end I would welcome it and move on to the heavenly life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Being part of the service such as a palbearer
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I try to get to know people better
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I like to help others I don't like to think of myself
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a good experiance it made me think more about those times
than I have in awhile
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Wed Oct 24 11:40:21 2001
F19 in toledo, ohio =united states of america=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 89.
--Details:
No because it is my business
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a process of living. Everyone eventually will go through. To some
it is very scary and to others it is just a prcoess of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for months and thought i would never get over it. you have
to remember that the person who passed on is in God's hands and
he is taking good care of him or her. Think about whether or not
the person will want you to grieve for a long time or just remember
all the special times you had together. Help each other by talking
about it and eventually it will be possible to deal with it.
--That first time, how it happened was
it was my grandmother. it was one of the hardest experiences for
me to deal with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My dad and I were the last ones to see her. My mom told me that
my g-ma waited for my dad and I because he was her only son and I
was her favorite grandchild out of the three of us. I will never
forget that night before she passed away.
--What I think my (united states of america) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a process of life and everyone must go through it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Every Christmas Eve we celebrated it with my grandma. It was
a tradition. Now we go out to dinner and go to the cemetary.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, a good friend of my parents, my minister at church, my old
youth leader at church
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that she would never be made again....and never be around again.
You must try and remember the good memories you shared together.
It is okay to cry but it should not affect your future.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand or give them a hug and tell them that you love them.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had a very hard time dealing with this death. it is a hard thing,
but i know that she always looks over me and she will always be in
my heart
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why did it have to be her?? i did not think it what her time yet
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i do remember a time when my cousin and i just had to laugh about
something that my grandma did
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say i love you
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i dont know...this question is dumb and you are getting too personal
with these questions. My g-ma is my business and not yours.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
once again i dont know
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
yes that is true. i still get teary-eyed thinking about it
sometimes, especially when i hear the song Amazing Grace because
it was the opening song that i played on the piano at her service
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dont know. this question is dumb too
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it is not fair that it happened to her. there are things i wish
she would have seen me do and i wish that she would know what i
want to become in the future
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
escape from it all
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried but not hard enough
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God is taking care of her. My minister helped a lot
--Regarding MONEY:
money wasn't involved. it was the love we had together as a family
that helped us all get through it
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone knew her and loved her
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the person will never be made again
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weakness, attention awareness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it took some time to heal and i still get sad
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
every moment spent with her will be cherished forever, she knows
i loved her and she was a wonderful mother and grandmother.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
im not exactly sure, but i know i would give her a big hug and tell
her how much that i love her
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my g-ma has come back in dreams and her spirit has been present
around me at other times
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
hopefully my death is far away so no i dont sit and think about my
death because i still have so much living to do. I dont know what
the hell kind of questions these are
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
have lots of sex before it happens to you
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
um nothing
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i have made friends but not because of that
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to my family
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i think it was a waste of my time. it is none of your business.
it did not help with feelings.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
re-word all of them
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Tue Oct 23 22:27:47 2001
F22 in Plainview, Texas =United States of America=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: college student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 74.
--Details:
Actually, I'm assuming it was a heart attack. I'm not for certain.
I was told that she died in her sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing from this life, and into an eternal life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and most saddened. I never felt such sorrow deep
within myself. I was angry that she left, and that was that.
It felt like nothing would be the same.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother's (my mom's mother) heart
stopped. She essentially died in her sleep.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being alone. My family didn't really come together, which was even
more stressful. I was hurting for my family as well as myself,
and I felt so helpless for us all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the knowledge that I have the ability to cope and also empathize
with others in experiencing death of a loved one.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
well, I'm not actually sure. I did a lot of crying and still do,
but haven't found any great source of comfort. I've talked about
it a little in therapy, but it's still difficult to express my
emotions and thoughts even there.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing what to do next. I knew I had to keep going on with my
life, but I felt so paralyzed in a way. But time pushed me forward
and continues to do so.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that she still lives spiritually. I believe that she's
still here, just not in a physical body.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have more one-on-one talks with her. And to thank her for taking
care of me so many times when I was sick.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone reveals more stories about her. My family talks about good
or funny times with her once in a while, and while I enjoy hearing
new stories, it's still tough to take in. Also, about once a year
or so, we drive by her house and it's difficult to accept that
she's no longer there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about us still shopping together and exploring the city
that she lived in. I think about the next wonderous Christmas that
we'll have together, with all of her decorations and spirit.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was here and then gone so quickly. She wasn't ill that
we knew of, it took me by complete surprise. I just hadn't ever
thought of her leaving, not at that point in time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop time. Sometimes it tough to get through the moment and I
wonder if it will get better in time to come.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot to me and still does. And I'm able to gather my own beliefs
and ideas about what death means and what the significance of life
after death is.
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking down at her body during the funeral. She was wearing a
blue outfit that I didn't recognize. She looked so cold. I really
didn't like seeing her that way. Maybe partly because her death
still didn't seem real to me, and I wanted her to open her eyes
and smile at me. I wanted to hear her voice again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
has been more in my dreams. I visit her at her house quite often.
Although I don't always see her, I know she's there, kind of like in
"real life".
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel really good about our life together. I don't feel that
there's any "unfinished business" between us. We were pretty close,
and I miss that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would really like to express to her how much she affected my life,
and in such an endearing way. She did so much for me while growing
up, things I can appreciate more now. I look back at a time that I
had Scarlet Fever and was pretty discouraged in my healing process
and she was there to help take care of me. One night I woke up
from itching and aching all over my body, so she mixed together
some baking soda (or powder) with something else. She then rubbed
it all over my body. It felt so gross at the time! I was almost
annoyed at what she was doing, and lacked confidence that it would be
soothing or help. But it was very soothing and brought much comfort.
I would love to let her know that her efforts and love and support
mean so much to me. I know I appreciated things when she was alive,
but probably not to the fullest. I wish I would have expressed my
gratitude more.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As I mentioned above, I frequently dream of visiting her in
her house. Sometimes her house is altered, but so beautifully.
Several times there has been a huge room with a gorgeous flowing
fountain in the middle. I'm still not really sure what the dreams
mean. But it seems that she is so happy and that there is such
beauty beyond words in the Other Side.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Actually, while I'm not ready to leave now or any time soon, I
welcome death in a way. When I think of my own death, my first
thoughts are of that I will be able to see my grandmother again.
I also believe that the Other Side welcomes so many unimaginable
and wonderful things. So while I fear leaving loved ones behind
here on our side, death is not really the end of life (to me).
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I honestly haven't found much closure yet, but I feel I'm much
closer. Maybe more than I realize.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Journaling has helped me some, as just an outlet for what I have
felt since her death. Also, talking to her at times helps, but is
still difficult.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
Her death happened very suddenly and was unexpected, even though
she was in her seventies.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that I had reached out more to my family as well as them
to me. I didn't receive a lot of support, but I think we were
all trying to cope in our own ways and working on accepting what
had happened. But it still leaves me feeling alone, even today.
I think it would have been very helpful and healing at the time, if
my family would have hugged me and told me that it's okay to cry (and
for how ever long as needed), and to talk about how I was feeling.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire was a lot more helpful than anticipated. I really
think that it was healing for me. Even though this is a project
for one of my classes, I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to
participate in this study. It gives me a lot to think about and
a lot to be able to share.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
There were a few questions that I didn't mind answering, but just
couldn't find the words to best convey my thoughts. I think that
it was just me though, not so much the questions. I can't think
of which ones they were at this point.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Oct 23 22:27:47 2001
F22 in Plainview, Texas =United States of America=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: college student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 74.
--Details:
Actually, I'm assuming it was a heart attack. I'm not for certain.
I was told that she died in her sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing from this life, and into an eternal life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and most saddened. I never felt such sorrow deep
within myself. I was angry that she left, and that was that.
It felt like nothing would be the same.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother's (my mom's mother) heart
stopped. She essentially died in her sleep.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being alone. My family didn't really come together, which was even
more stressful. I was hurting for my family as well as myself,
and I felt so helpless for us all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the knowledge that I have the ability to cope and also empathize
with others in experiencing death of a loved one.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
well, I'm not actually sure. I did a lot of crying and still do,
but haven't found any great source of comfort. I've talked about
it a little in therapy, but it's still difficult to express my
emotions and thoughts even there.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing what to do next. I knew I had to keep going on with my
life, but I felt so paralyzed in a way. But time pushed me forward
and continues to do so.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that she still lives spiritually. I believe that she's
still here, just not in a physical body.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have more one-on-one talks with her. And to thank her for taking
care of me so many times when I was sick.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone reveals more stories about her. My family talks about good
or funny times with her once in a while, and while I enjoy hearing
new stories, it's still tough to take in. Also, about once a year
or so, we drive by her house and it's difficult to accept that
she's no longer there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about us still shopping together and exploring the city
that she lived in. I think about the next wonderous Christmas that
we'll have together, with all of her decorations and spirit.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was here and then gone so quickly. She wasn't ill that
we knew of, it took me by complete surprise. I just hadn't ever
thought of her leaving, not at that point in time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
stop time. Sometimes it tough to get through the moment and I
wonder if it will get better in time to come.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot to me and still does. And I'm able to gather my own beliefs
and ideas about what death means and what the significance of life
after death is.
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking down at her body during the funeral. She was wearing a
blue outfit that I didn't recognize. She looked so cold. I really
didn't like seeing her that way. Maybe partly because her death
still didn't seem real to me, and I wanted her to open her eyes
and smile at me. I wanted to hear her voice again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
has been more in my dreams. I visit her at her house quite often.
Although I don't always see her, I know she's there, kind of like in
"real life".
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel really good about our life together. I don't feel that
there's any "unfinished business" between us. We were pretty close,
and I miss that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would really like to express to her how much she affected my life,
and in such an endearing way. She did so much for me while growing
up, things I can appreciate more now. I look back at a time that I
had Scarlet Fever and was pretty discouraged in my healing process
and she was there to help take care of me. One night I woke up
from itching and aching all over my body, so she mixed together
some baking soda (or powder) with something else. She then rubbed
it all over my body. It felt so gross at the time! I was almost
annoyed at what she was doing, and lacked confidence that it would be
soothing or help. But it was very soothing and brought much comfort.
I would love to let her know that her efforts and love and support
mean so much to me. I know I appreciated things when she was alive,
but probably not to the fullest. I wish I would have expressed my
gratitude more.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As I mentioned above, I frequently dream of visiting her in
her house. Sometimes her house is altered, but so beautifully.
Several times there has been a huge room with a gorgeous flowing
fountain in the middle. I'm still not really sure what the dreams
mean. But it seems that she is so happy and that there is such
beauty beyond words in the Other Side.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Actually, while I'm not ready to leave now or any time soon, I
welcome death in a way. When I think of my own death, my first
thoughts are of that I will be able to see my grandmother again.
I also believe that the Other Side welcomes so many unimaginable
and wonderful things. So while I fear leaving loved ones behind
here on our side, death is not really the end of life (to me).
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I honestly haven't found much closure yet, but I feel I'm much
closer. Maybe more than I realize.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Journaling has helped me some, as just an outlet for what I have
felt since her death. Also, talking to her at times helps, but is
still difficult.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
Her death happened very suddenly and was unexpected, even though
she was in her seventies.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that I had reached out more to my family as well as them
to me. I didn't receive a lot of support, but I think we were
all trying to cope in our own ways and working on accepting what
had happened. But it still leaves me feeling alone, even today.
I think it would have been very helpful and healing at the time, if
my family would have hugged me and told me that it's okay to cry (and
for how ever long as needed), and to talk about how I was feeling.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire was a lot more helpful than anticipated. I really
think that it was healing for me. Even though this is a project
for one of my classes, I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to
participate in this study. It gives me a lot to think about and
a lot to be able to share.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
There were a few questions that I didn't mind answering, but just
couldn't find the words to best convey my thoughts. I think that
it was just me though, not so much the questions. I can't think
of which ones they were at this point.
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Sun Oct 21 21:48:31 2001
F42 in Ripley, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
am sociologist with interest in thanatology
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Prof/Studies: writer/thanatologist
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
many
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Betty Eadie, Sylvia Browne, Rosemary Altea, John Edwards
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, yrs10 ago.
Cause of Death: blood clot; Aged: 62.
--Details:
Mom had cancer but suddenly needed emergency gall bladder surgery.
Threw blood clot from surgery and died suddenly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A transition from this place called life to the next step in our
spiritual development. We are here to learn lessons to benefit
our spirits and then "graduate" through death and go Home.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13 when grandma died.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandmother was ill but we thought she'd
recover. She felt better and was improving, then suddenly dropped
dead.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Nothing made sense anymore. Foods I loved sickened me, no clear-cut
goals because nothing was important. I had not only lost my mom
but she was my very best friend. Traumatized.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's not the end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My loved ones came to me after they died and reassured me that
there was something after death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Supportive friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to cry when I wanted to. I would have liked to have
been able to let emotions out without fear of reprisal.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know you love them. Let them know it's OK to go to
the light, that they won't be letting you down if they leave.
Sometimes they fret about that.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was a tremendous catharsis--I also laughed at the funeral because
a chorus of those wrist watches with alarms all sounded the time
at once. Several people were trying to silence those things during
the funeral. I think Mom laughed too!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
bring her flowers when she was alive to enjoy them, spend large
amounts of time with her and make the time count. I regret she's
gone but I feel no guilt whatsoever. I gave 110% to mom and held
back nothing that would have given her happiness.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how many flowers should be taken to the cemetery to pile up on
the gravesite. "For appearances"
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm feeling lonely or depressed about other things and more
vulnerable to sad feelings. Then the mind wanders and I end up
crying about maybe three or four things all at once.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We will be together again, in a place where there is no more misery
and heartache. There will be God's love throughout and so much
harmony and goodwill that all the anguish we experienced here will
be swept away.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
crawl in a hole and pull the hole in after me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
then seriously grieved deep inside because I realized how deep my
loss was.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
absolute incompetance and loathing.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not applicable
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a solid rock of faith to stand upon
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic/Gnostic Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Of course there's a common link. We're all SPIRITUAL beings in an
earthly shell, not vice versa. Someday you'll find that out.
--Regarding MONEY:
it brought out the worst in greedy relatives. My mother's sister
tried to cheat us out of our house and had some of her family and
in-laws harrass and threaten us. They thought their half of the
estate should be an amount that was actually over twice the value
of the WHOLE estate.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The staff was dignified and absolutely professional. I have great
respect for the funeral home we used and want them to handle all
of my future business.
The mourners: friends were wonderfully
supportive and relatives were profoundly anal.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
never noticing until I looked at mom in her casket that we have
the exact same nose.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
often, before death, the dying person knows what's going to happen.
As much as we don't want to acknowlege it, we should listen and
respect what they know is coming.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's ok to take your time to grieve and to jump between the stages.
It's ok to regress sometimes too, until you work it through.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I'm keenly psychic,I've had enough experiences of this kind to fill
a book, literally. They DO care about us, even after "death" and
make themselves known to those who are sensitive to the phenomenon.
They're very frustrated when they can't get our attention. I could
write you things for the next several hours on this subject.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My nephew was 5 years old and had heart surgery. While on the table
he died and returned. At that age he could not properly verbalize
his experiences, but remembered them clearly. As he got older we
talked about it and he had a near death experience exactly like
the ones described in Raymond Moody's "Life After Life"
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
MAny many many MANY times my loved ones have returned to visit
me, sometimes just to "visit" and boost me up when I'm down.
Here's something I think is important to tell you--our beloved
pets go to the Other Side too. Many times my loved ones have come
back bringing one of my pets with them. I can still recall some
visits when i had the chance to hold a beloved animal again. Do you
realize how important that is to people who truly love their animals?
And it's truth, not wishful thinking.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
issues regarding organ donation, do not resusitate orders, artificial
"heroic" measures to keep someone alive. Also, final disposition
of remains etc. can be touchy.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I welcome it with open arms. I'd get to go Home with my loved ones
and pets, and be free of this wretched life. Things have been very
hard and it's almost more than I can bear sometimes.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I pursued a dream to learn piano, taught myself and play by ear
since I can't read music. Whatever I feel comes out at the piano
keyboard and in my mind I'm playing for that loved one or loved ones.
I feel them close and feel the strength they share with me as I
play the music.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Still vent feelings at piano, still communicate with the dead and
now write inspirational poetry
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My mom and I were interested in genealogy, very avidly. Soon after
her death,a fellow officer of the genealogical society and I had
to attend a funeral of a member of the society. We got better
acquainted and became good friends. The friendship improved and
three years later I married him!!! Yea Mom!!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
eating chocolate like a fiend
my father strongly disapproved of showing or feeling emotion.
NO ONE is allowed to feel emotion with him around. I got thrown
into wall at my mother's funeral.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
volunteer at hospice or if not up to it, volunteer at food pantry
or homeless shelter--help care for the living in need.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Good questions. I'm very clear about my own feelings etc on the
subject but I have so much information and insights that's important
for people to know. Maybe God guided me to this website. I'm a
computer rookie of one month and found you by accident.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I feel that for balance, you should ask people about questions
specifically geared toward suicide, also 'survivor guilt" etc,
also if they have lost loved ones due to some kind of violent
episode or pertaining to death of children.
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Sat Oct 20 16:12:34 2001
F53 in Brentwood Bay, B.C. =Canada=
Name: Judy
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browsing
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Prof/Studies: newspaper editor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 1/2 years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 53.
--Details:
It was totally unexpected. He was the husband of my best friend,
my husband's best friend. We had been friends and neighbours (in
4 different cities) for 33 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition from one plane to another. Our bodies die, but our
spirits live on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...first my grandfather (paternal), then my
grandmother (maternal) died in the same year. I was 10. They were
the only two grandparents I had known
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
utter despair, shock, grief. I was numbed by it, as I had never
been by anything before.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to talk about it, especially to children. We need to share the
wonder of it, and talk about how it likely is a step to another
part of our existence, one not to rush toward, but neither to be
paralyzed with fear at its approach.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made us, as a family, reach toward each other, tell each other
how much we all mattered to one another.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
writing about it. Talking to people who had experience dealing with
death (religious leaders, counsellors, people who had dealt with
death close hand in other ways)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting the other person's spirit go, as it must.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to talk to them, tell them how much their life mattered to me and
others. How they made a difference in this world. How much they
are loved, and that that love will always be.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let my friend know how much he mattered to us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about my friend missing his granddaughter as she grows
up, and the other grandchildren who might join the family in the
future. They won't know him, and have missed that experience.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he and Jane hadn't done everything they wanted -- mostly, they
wanted to grow old together. They shared a lot of love.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
talked to my husband about what was important in our lives, and how
we needed to live in the moment. To recognize those 'golden moments'
when they happen, and to rejoice in them.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
cursory, at best. But religion and church aren't important. Faith
is. You often don't find that in the organized, man-made
institutions.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
as though we are all a part of each other, and together, we make
up the spirit of what we call god.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
most of the people who counted to my friend were there, or were
represented in spirit by others who could attend. It was a personal
service, dedicated to my friend and not intruded upon by anything
outside.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Not associated with this death, which was sudden, but I have had
a separate near death experience.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When my father died, I dreamed of him often. In the dreams, many
times, I could see, touch, hear him, but no one else seemed to
realize he was there.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
People should die with dignity, and should have the right to refuse
extraordinary measures to keep them alive. Just breathing isn't
living, and having machines keep you alive feels like punishment
to the person and to their families. Remember what people were like
while they were living, and try to keep their deaths true to their
living philosophy.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I would die soon, I would likely make sure I talked to
all those who were important to me, and tell them how much I cared
for them. How much their lives had touched me. And I would perhaps
try to fit in some of the things I have wanted and planned to do
in the future. If there appeared to be time. Mostly, I would spend
the time with my loved ones.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? How well
I was not allowed to go to the funeral, and no one talked about
it. I didn't deal with it then, at all.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
Since it wasn't discussed, and was dealt with as only mattering to
the adults, I was upset, confused and felt adrift.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was able to phone my friend regularly and send cards every week
to let her know I was there for her. I was able to make her laugh,
and laughter is one of the things that saved her sanity. I was able
to write about the death, and how it affected us; it was an open
discussion of death in general, and how many people I know have
coped with it. I published it as a three-part series, and it was
one of the most talked-about pieces we've carried in our newspaper.
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Fri Oct 19 14:36:43 2001
F38 in , =new zealand=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: housewife
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 91.
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--Death Is:
ceasing to live or be viable
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13. I have memory block of the experience mostly.
--That first time, how it happened was
it was my mother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being alone
--What I think my (new zealand) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That to talk about is is normal and everything should not be
covered up
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Learning how to be independant early
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
mentally blocking it out
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing the details
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Allowing them to talk, and for me to listen
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was lied to over the cause of death
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go to the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Something jolts the memory, or you see, hear or smell something
familiar that you suddenly remember about the person that is gone
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why her, why us,
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
screamed, cried and withdrew
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
kindness
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people being nosey. It was a small community where some where just
there for a look.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
peoples reactions
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandmother smiled, then died
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My father had a heart attack whilst my mother was dying. He was
agnostic. He saw himself on the table being resusitated. he said
he wasnt worried and felt a rushing feel go past him. He saw
my uncle in the door way watching and wondered why he was there.
Then he entered a dark tunnel with an extra bright light at the end,
once reaching the light he woke up on the table with a sore chest.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Myabe to understand that she had no choice in leaving
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother saw both her children at the bottom of the bed after
they had died.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I used to fear of dying young, still do partly, tho now i know i
have no choice so there is no point getting depressed over it
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to talk to others of their grief
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
brought back hidden thoughts
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Thu Oct 18 23:30:29 2001
F40 in , nj =usa=
Name: linda
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: pharmacology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The book of Psalms, particularly #100
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 25 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness and old age; Aged: 86.
--Details:
emphyasema and black lung
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
necessary for all living things, the end of a wonderful life,
spiritual, the time to meet your maker
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was terribly upset and cried a lot even though my grampa was sick
for many years and i knew it was coming, i wish it never did. i
felt guilty and sometimes still do secretly, that i didnt go see
him at the funeral, but felt i could not bear it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died when i was 15 years
old. i was not living at home due to a difficult relationship with
my mom. my dad called me and told me. i never went to the funeral,
even though i loved my grandpa deeply. i think my grandma never
forgave me for that shes gone now too but our relationship was
not the same after that. the reason i didnt go was because i didnt
want to fight with my mom and because it was unbearable for me to
see him laying in his coffin. he knew how much i loved him and i
hoped he understood even though he was gone. i stayed in bed that
day and cried. my parents dont know how i felt my mom thinks i did
it to spite her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mom seeming to hate me for showing "disrespect"
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a part of life, and not really the end, because of my faith
in God, i believe there is more after we leave the earth.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the love and the good times and the learning experience i got from
each person i knew that died
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
inner strength,and belief in the afterlife. reading parts of the
Bible that deals with death
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing someone i admire and the chance to converse with them,
to touch and kiss and hug them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them how much you love them and to let go when they need to
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
nervous reaction
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hug and kiss my loved ones one more time and to say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go on with my life and become closer to God
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who gets the persons belongings
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear a song on the radio, or when a child is born into the family,
and i know how much my loved one would have enjoyed a new baby
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would show more love and respect and spend more time with my
loved ones
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when someone has so much to live for , that they have to die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there are many incompetent and cold people in the medical
field,making the really good ones look bad. I personally, stay away
from doctore and hospitals as much as i can
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very good the hospice nurse was very compassionate and was skilled
in counseling our family with kind words
--Religious Affiliation:
reformed catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
the family fought over ecerything material . i did not want a thing,
it all seemed like nothing compared to the loss. i would much rather
have the person back
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone seemed to be isolated and into themselves
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have had loved ones mention a vision of some sort
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
had an uncle that had bypass surgery, died on the rtable rose above
his body, says he saw God, or angels and said he came back into
his body with great pain. he is a changed man.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
when my son was 10, he told me he saw people in a mirror when he
was maybe 3 he described his dead aunt and great-grandfather. these
were people he had never met before, they died more than 5 years
before his birth.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
cremate me, i do not want my body in the ground. hope God forgives
me for all the wrongdoings in my life, and hopefully i will have
left a good impression on some people and hopefully everyone will
know how much love i have for them
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
prayer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
thankyou, i have written down things i havent been able to talk
out loud about
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Thu Oct 18 17:41:38 2001
F26 in mililani, hi =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Losing.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My neighbors two boys went swimming and one
of them drowned. He died in 2 days after that. He was one year
older than me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling numb. and angry. and really guilty that I still walked
the earth.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's okay to mourn. We don't need to be tough for everything.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I found out who my real friends were.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't say anything. Just be there.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
People and they could get on with their lives so easily.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was in denial. That if I didn't laugh I would break down and
cry so hard nothing could bring me back.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell her how much she meant to me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
How she wasn't in any pain when she passed. So ****ing what?
She's still dead. I still don't understand that line.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she's not here to enjoy these things.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt alone and unsure and mad and everything else.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
awe. That they deal with this stuff on a daily basis.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing. God wasn't in this .
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How fake some of the people were. People who didn't know her or
people who she didn't like because they treated her like shit were
mourning as if they were close.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Being alone was OKAY. Its okay to let me be alone. I don't need
to surrounded by people 24-7.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
She was in my dreams. But not really in them. I was searching for
her. And no one in my dream seemed to realize that she was dead.
It was if nothing had happened. Every where I went they said I
had just missed her and I could never seem to catch up with her.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I am closer to people my sister was close to. When she was alive I
really didn't hang with them, but during her cancer they included
me in their conversations and relationsips and seven years later
I consider them my family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Wed Oct 17 23:46:29 2001
M22 in Boyd, Texas =USA=
Name: Kelley Garrett
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Currently LVN, pursuing BSN
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an event that occurs causing a soul to leave the body without life.
Then the soul is able to travel to the place for eternal rest either
heaven or hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was comforted by the beliefs of my family.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother had been suffering from lupus for many years.
Then one day she laid down to take a nap, had a stroke and never
woke up.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that, in an instant, she was gone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that to mourn is necessary, but to mourn too extensively is selfish.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the simple fact that my grandfather died. He had dimentia, possibly
alzheimers, therefore he had been suffering for many years.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
mental escapes. Seeing my grandfather in heaven doing what he
loved the most, hunting and fishing.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that he wasn't around.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
comforting this person is important. Letting them know that's it's
ok to die is many times very important.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that the partner remaining can go on and live a very happy
and successful life, even remarrying after 1 1/2 years!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is necessary to maintain sanity.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my aunt and both of my grandfathers prior to their death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
attend the funeral and see them in the open casket.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear songs played at loved ones funerals.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that it had to happen so soon.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
ESCAPE reality!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was comforted by seeing my uncle handle the situation so well.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
GREAT APPRECIATION!!!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
great pain management.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place to obtain peace.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
it's not immediately important but should be dealt with in a
timely manner.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that there was, "standing room only."
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the fact that close friends didn't show up for the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
abnormal respiration(Kussmal or Cheynne-Stokes), pupil fixation,
mottling of extremities, drop in blood pressure, diaphoresis due
to fever.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Denial, Anger, Belief, Depression, Acceptance.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
resolve comes through prayer. God will give you peace.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have said "I love you," and "You will always be in my heart"
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to be a DNR. I do not want to have any lifesaving measures
if I cannot benefit from them with any QUALITY of life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
my death may come today, tomorrow or in ten years, that's not for
me to decide. Whenever it comes, I'm ready.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
They are in a better place than I am.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
My grandfather "died" in spirit with my grandmother.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have comforted, consoled and taken care of the dying many times,
this helps the family and me deal with the physical process.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
great questions for allowing true expression of feelings
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Wed Oct 17 15:38:04 2001
F23 in , TX =USA=
Name: Wendy
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, week and a half ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer that spread; Aged: 83.
--Details:
The cancer stuck her about 3 months ago and progressed
very quickly,
luckily she didn't have to suffer too long.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an inevitable part of life, you just have to learn to accept
your
mortality and hope that you have accomplished all you
wanted to
in life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really remember.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my grandfather who I remember
who i
have a vague recollection of. He died of a stroke. I
remember going
to the funeral at the age of 4yrs and seeing
him in the coffin.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone came together around my grandmother and prayed
for
God to bring her peace.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not just a punishment, it can be sometimes.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i had the wonderful opportunity of showing my grandmother my
love for her by being with her when she died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my spirituality.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting that death is irreversable.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
percieve life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw my grandmother for the first time since she was diagnosed
and how quickly she had deteriorated.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
hey it's good to relieve a little stress through laughter.
My
grandmother probably would have slapped us if she could just to
get us to snap out of it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend some more time with my grandmother, and get to know her side
of the family more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be in her presense when she passed away.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we prayed the rosary in Spanish for my grandmother even though she
doesn't speak spanish. I feel it was a comfort to her because she
is catholic.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
??????? I don't understand this question.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a picture of my grandmother and realize that I am only 23 and
I will never see her again for the rest of my life. It seems unreal.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Sad to say but my grandmother and I live far away from eachother
and in the event that she hadn't passed i still would not have seen
much of her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't really have this thought because my grandmother led a very
full life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Be in a drugged stupor all day.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
got a little scared and cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
complete and total respect. The nurse that cared for my grandmother
was excellent we were fortunate.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I didn't really meet the hospice nurse untill the end, but she
was a godsend, she was very professional yet kind and warm, she
thouroughly prepared us for what was to come and helped us cope.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
death is seen as a transition from one life to the next.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian/Catholic same thing really.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
?????
--Regarding MONEY:
it was not very important because although my grandmother didn't
leave any major assets behind we treasure the little things she
used everyday
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone seemed a little out of it, but it gave everyone a sense
of peace and closure.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
In the instant that she died, i kind of dealt with it by denial I
just kept thinking that she was in deep sleep however i knew she
was not.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when the person begins to breathe rapid shallow breaths they are
near to death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
although i wasn't able to help my grandmother my Aunt's did
everything for her and i think it has helped them, although at
times I wanted them to leave her alone
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I do not have any issues with my grandmother.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would sit down with my grandmother and play cards with her and
chit chat just as she loved to do.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Well for one i believe that a dying person sometimes needs to be
alone when close to death because they might not want to see their
loved ones suffer because of their impending passing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would make pretty damn sure I led a full life and resolved
old issues.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Spending time with my cousins.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I feel the need not to make a big deal about little things anymore.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Iv'e realized that there are people who care about me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I am glad i tried to get closer to my cousins. even though it was
difficult at times.
Enhancements: adding a few more questions that dont have to be typed to answer would be nice.
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Wed Oct 17 02:19:02 2001
Anonymous Guest 14 in liverpool, =england=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
my friend said it was good
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Prof/Studies: college
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, mths ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 14.
--Details:
when he was 13, he found out he had cancer, they said he had a year
and a half to live, and they was right
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a horrible thing to think about , and are spirits are free when
we die
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i cried and cried and cried
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...i was in a car crash
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the horrible dreams i had
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
is my nan was in bad pain, and she just wanted to rest in peace,
and she did
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
going out agin
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
fell, and to be strong
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was just too confused and could not believe it, and thought it
was a big nightmare
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
save sombody elses death
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell them how much i loved them before i died
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
understood that you cant bring the dead back
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Tue Oct 16 07:53:33 2001
F22 in toledo, ohio ==
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When we no longer are on Earth and hopefully,by God's grace, we go
to heaven for an eternity of happiness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was upset for my sorority sister, but knew he was in a better place.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...A sorority sister of mine that I've known for
years, her little brother died in a tragic car accident. I went to
his funeral and it was the only one I've ever been to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how I never wanted to attend another funeral!
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to learn how to go to heaven through the bible and know you will
eventually go to a better place.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It made that family stronger and more cohesive. There is nothing
that could make them fall apart now..
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The only person that has ever died in my life was Chris, and he
wasn't someone that I knew well enough to be that affected.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing how it affected Melissa and her family.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to reassure them and make them feel safe. Let them know that they
have many people that will miss them, but that they are going to
heaven and will be safe.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they found out that the reason he died was that he was racing his
new car with another kids and he was the only one who died in the
accident. The other kids he was racing killed themselves. I think
it's horrible that one death led them to kill themselves.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
N/A
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help Melissa and her family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of how very young he was..
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
n/a
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young and innocent. He had so much to live for.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It's all about knowing God. If you are a christian, you know that
God has so much to offer you. It gives you peace on Earth in
your life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Most of this survey doesn't really directly apply to me since I've
never had a family member or close friend die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Mon Oct 15 17:35:45 2001
M21 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drugs; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a end to one life and a beginning to another
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 18 years old and couldn't believe it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...that he took drugs and it stopped his heart.
He also had bad ashtma
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone else crying and for me to comfort them
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
only a trip to another place that is better
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
seeing my friend one last time in the casket
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
looking in myself and taling to friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to see that person for the rest of my life.
There really was no closure
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
thought it was better for him. He is happy now
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the night before his death and what really happened
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was thinking of the good times we had
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him one last time
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel that I want to go out and have fun with him but he is
not there. you kind of forget
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wish I could relive the night before with him
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It just not fair for someone that young to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him in heaven and ask what happened and why
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought it could happen to anyone at any age
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that God had him now. It was his time to take him
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
all the money that was spent for the wake and funeral. It just
doesn't seem right
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people showed up
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
walking in to see him for the first time since I seen him living last
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
nothing at all. He was to young
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was taking day by day
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
his mother saw an angel that said to her everything will be alright
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had a dream where I was in the casket and everyone saw me and
then my friend took my hand and brought me with him
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to now the real story of the night before. How he
is now
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
none
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want them to think he was a great person and I will be
alright
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would feel better because I have my friend and god up there for me
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
we used to poor some of our beer on the ground for him in
rememberance
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I pray every night now to him and god
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have came much closer to his family
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried to reach out to his girlfriend and friends and explain
things in a calm manner
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes, because these questions are in my mind every day
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Mon Oct 15 10:00:57 2001
F25 in Peoria, Illinois =United States=
Name: Jolene Stecken
Email: <www.sky1751=at=home.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Cook. Business management degree
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: natural death with complications; Aged: 68.
--Details:
My grandfather had gotten sick in 1995, and the doctors didnt
really understand his illness. I lived with my grandparents at
the time he became sick, and we were very close. When he got sick,
I had been through 5 deaths before he passed and couldnt handle
him getting sick aswell. So I moved out of my grandparents home,
and they shortly moved to flordia. I never got the chance to see
him again before he passed. But on the day he died I was setting
on the back porch of my house and I saw his face in the leaves of
the trees, I started to cry and I knew he was gone. My predictions
were confermed a week later! I miss him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that happens to all mortal beings. Its not something to
be feared, just respected. Sometimes death can be a happy thing,
and sometimes it can be the most devistating thing to a mortal.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was to young to remember, but as time passed and others passed,
I actually came to view death in a different light.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother and father had tried for 6yrs to
have a baby girl with no avail. on the day my father died my mother
had found out that she was pregnant with that little girl they had
so desperatly tried to have. That little girl was me!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The most significant death was the death of my mother in 1991. I
thought death was a kind death I didnt believe that it could take
both of MY parents and leave me here with no one. My mother was in
the hospital for a period of about 2 years, I grew up alot after
her death!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Seeing so many deaths in my time hear, I am so grateful for the
time i have here to spend with my daughter. I hope I dont have to
leave her until she is full grown.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
From the time i was about 5 until the age of 17 I received several
councelors support and knowledge on how to cope and go on. I can
honestly say that with 12 years of counceling you can do nothing
but cope!
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I'm 25 yrs old now and have a 4yr old daughter, and the one thing
i learned from the death of my parents, grandparents, pets and
friends is that dont take life for granted enjoy ever minute with
your family and friends.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
now that i do have a daughter i am the most paranoid parent im
really overprotective of my daughter. I watch her every move, and
that is confusing because i dont want her to die on me as well, but
i know that if it happens it will be the killing point in my life. I
dont really think out of all the people ive seen go, I dont think i
would make it pass my daughter (hopfully never happen while im alive)
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
No i dont think i ever laughed at death. I think it is something
to be respected not laughed at
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Mom was a single mother of 2, and i wish i would have been a better
child for her, I wasnt bad i was just a roudy kid and just wish i
had made her happy instead of a sad mother.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Learn about death at an early age, I wont have to go through this
when Im thirty or forty. I didnt have to depend on my parents for
any thing. I think when our parents go at our middle ages we have
had them for so long and its harder to let go
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I talk to my dead ones all the time, sometimes i think that they
are ridding in the car with me or walking along my side. I speak to
my mother alot about my daughter and i sometimes cry when i think
of her and i as a child.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My daughter would have grandparents, and i would have someone to
ask questions about raising her, and call on the phone for recipies.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when my mother died i thought how could your so called god take
both of my parents away and leave me here with just my brother. Im
sure he was thinking the very same thing.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Yea, alot of times its difficult. I have learned that one difficulty
begets another. Get past that one and there is always another. I
just get through it and move on and wait for the next.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Started talking to friends and family about how i was feeling about
the situation. As I stated before the councelors were a big part
of my life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Discust! I have also had my medical problems and doctors are highly
overrated they just have patients to practice on like little mice. We
are just an experiment to them.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
My current religion I think would get me put in the funny farm,
but I use to be Babtis
--Regarding MONEY:
It was very expensive to bury someone.the cemetaries usually
have certain regulations on headstones and caskets and vaults. I
personally have purchased a cheap coffin and am making it to
eventually be my own. As well as the headstone. The vault I will
eventually have to purchase as well.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
When my mother found out about her cancer, we lived in a second
story apartment building and we had a porch with sliding glass
doors, and it was weird that the sparrows would come and dive bomb
the doors and kill themselves.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
On the last night before my mother passed she had severe death
moans, i had to stay in the room with her that night, and it is a
sound that i will never forget
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother passed out in a restaruant once and she said that she
was falling down a tunnel and that there was a great bright light
at the end of the tunnel, but then it was like she was lifted out
of this tunnel and then awoke back in the restaruant.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
One of my best friends Bob killed himself a couple of months ago and
the last time i saw him we had some unpleasant words that were in a
way related to him taking his own life. I just wish i could talk to
him and tell him it wasnt that bad. or just tell him goodbye. Even
though i think the struggle in this world is to make it through
this life. who knows whats waiting on the other side if you take
your own life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Like i stated earlier, I sometimes sence my mother or grandfather
around me. So i usually talk back to them and i eventually feel
the presence of them fade for awhile
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think anyone who is going to be so selfish as to wonder about
what their going to get out of so and so. I think they should be
shot and tortured.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
All i can say is that i hope im old and gray, and that i will be
prepared and not afraid.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
I hate it when a bunch of people come over and sort of celebrate
and get in your face after the funeral!
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think this questionare is great. I dont think that there was a
question unturned. Thanks
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Sun Oct 14 20:52:08 2001
F20 in Johnston, RI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Student, Psychology Major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimer's Disease; Aged: 87.
--Details:
My grandmother suffered from this disease for about four years...her
death was almost expected but very hard to deal with
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
losing someone know to the unknown world
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in complete shock...The person was not close to me however it
was extremely overwhelming
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great-uncle passed from old age
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother telling me the news of the death and having a feeling of
nausea and confusion
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that Life does go on...one cannot dwell on death
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when people die, they do not suffer anymore. For instance my
grandmother suffered from Alzheimer's Disease. She forget how to
function in life...so when she died I felt relieved to see her be
in peace
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having to put things in perspevtive for myself so that I could be
strong enough to help other family members. Helping other family
members made me cope better
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking about the memories you shared and how there will be no
future memories with that person or moments to share
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To tell them how much you really do care about them....be completely
honest, no holding back
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
could look at the bright side of things and learn how to laugh
at funny memories and hold those memories as the most important
components in dealing with the death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandmother died in a nursing home. At least one family member
was there at all times. My uncle had been by her side in her last
hours. But she passed away while he had gone to get a coffee. It
was almost as if she wanted to be alone when she died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never felt that way
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I do not wish I could do anything over again
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with the calling hours and funeral so well....I spoke at age
14 at my grandmother's wake
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
her last words to me was a joke that we shared. I think that is
what helped me cope
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
if they talked to my grandmother in her last hours.. I believe that
she knew how everyone felt and thought
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a picture of her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about this all the time and look forward that maybe it wil
be true
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to die because she was a good person...and others do
horrible things to people and get to live for a very long time
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her one more time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt like a couldn'd cry. I felt very emotionless
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the most helpful things because in my grandmother's case, doctors
and nurses really tried to help my famil cope
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a method to help me cope with the situation and also frustration
because fro me religion still did not give answers
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like everyone who has lost a loved one undestands you
--Regarding MONEY:
how expensive it was for funeral cost...that disgusted me because
people make money in your loss
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how some people use funerals as a social gathering to gossip with
each other
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having a fear that I would die soon after and not be able to
experience life the way that I had expected to
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you need time to heal
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I knew that my grandmother was in a better place
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I made sure that we were always on good terms and we did not have
unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just to hear her voice and maybe have her see what I have
accomplished years later
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandmother came to me in a dream and told me in a moment where
I was very distressed that I should relax and everything would be
alright
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
finances....and how belongings should be shared with loved ones
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't fear death but I fer dying young or before accomplishig
what I want in life
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talk to my grandmother as if she was in the room with me
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Helping others helped myself cope with the death!!! I jsut helped
others by talk about memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This has opened many feelings for me that I haven't thought about
in awhile. It made me somewhat saddened
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Sat Oct 13 22:39:12 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 81.
--Details:
my grandmother had a stroke, her friend called the paramedics,
they arrived and attempted to revive her...she just layed down
and died....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a part of life....
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died when i was 14.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother's depression
--Religious Affiliation:
atheist
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
laughing nervously; don't think much about it....
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Sat Oct 13 12:41:24 2001
F44 in forest hills, queens, new york =usa=
Name: robin ashley
Email: <ashley.r=at=att.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: market research focus group recruiter
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More personal info:
everyone loved him and he was one of the most gorgeous men i
have met.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: overdose; Aged: 44.
--Details:
we only knew each other for 4 months but we were inseperable. what we
have in 4 months people don't have in 10 yEARS. i can't deal with
it and don't know how so i take all kinds of pills to numb myself
(like he did)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
you just die and rot. i have a morbid view and wish i could believe
otherwise.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
my dad died in 1993 and i asked him for a sign and i never got one.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my best friend/and a person i slept with died
in my home on septm 30, 2001. i have all his clothes which i can't
take off. he overdosed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying a lot. but it was my father not someone i fell in love with .
he had cancer and i was expecting it to happen.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that there is another place we go to and we look down on those we
cared about. but i don't believe that yet.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing him and experiencing what we really did have together as
short as it was.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
taking about it and crying. wearing his clothes. i haven't dealth
with this one yet and don't know how
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to deal with this. he died in my home and in my arms.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
it is the worst thing in the world. i rather be notified by
phone. and not be there with the person who died.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
i am feeling and how in pain i am in.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't realize he was dead until it was too late and ems lied to
me to apease me so that i don't freak out. they made me got to the
hospital knowing he was dead.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i can't laugh anymore. i am on a lot of different drugs. i just
don't want to feel and i don't care about anything anymore.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
save his life if i didn't fall asleep with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to have met him and we could have had the best of friends/lovers.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
it happens you can't control yourself and you are out of total
control.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i wear his clothes, underwear and clothes. and hear a song and pass
his apt. building which is next to mine.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would still probably be as happy as i was. we were very
compatable.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
guilt, pain, anger etc.......
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just obliterate the entire world and people.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just cry a lot. since he lived 10 feet away from me there are
constant reminders. i cry all the time. especially when i hear
a song.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
it sucks. and they don't tell you the truth .
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
well, my husband has AIDS which is why he gave Jordon his permission
to be with me. so i am also living with that as well.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
right now i don't believe in religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
jewish
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
empty
--Regarding MONEY:
he was worried about his bills and his talents be lost and wasted.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i was not paid attention to because he died with me and i was not
allowed to visit the
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it was sensless, stupid and it should not have happened
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i have no idea
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was the most awful experience of my life thus far.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i can't believe in that
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i don't and can't believe there is another side.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
him. and only him. i need a sign.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i always wanted him to say "I love you" even if it was just for
being a friend.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
they are either lucky or they are just wanting to believe this .
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
people should be careful of what and how much drugs they take and
put in their bodies. he died on an overdose of a pills.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
that people are mourning the way i am right now.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
there is not closure yet. i sleep with the shirt he died on and
have it on my pillow. i can still smell him.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i am still going about my life because i have to. i have a 7 year
old son and a terminally ill husband.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not at all. i am not looking for that and don't need that now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
i haven't
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Illicit Drugs
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to be with his family which rejected me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no. i need answers.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
please feel free to email me =at= ashley.r=at=att.net or call me at
718261 3229
Enhancements: ashley.r=at=att.net
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Fri Oct 12 16:37:35 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: World Trade Center collapse; Aged: 35.
--Details:
She was on the 93rd floor, and they told everyone to stay put -
then the building collapsed
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life - we stop feeling and breathing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was mystified
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was two people died around the same time - the
President ws shot, and my best friend's father crashed his car
drunk....
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sorrow
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to stop trivializing it through violent movies and tv
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being alone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be yourself, and be responsive to their needs
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had tried to kill myself, and when I woke up I heard that my
friend had overdosed the same afternoon, and was being taken off
life support.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell people how much I loved them
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was angry
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
no more capable than the rest of us
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
resentment
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I felt out of place, unwelcome
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
bleeding from the mouth, staring, incontinence, inability to talk
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it takes a long time
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
A wind passed by me at the time my mother's ashes were traveling
across my area, on their way to Europe
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
it doesn't matter what you want - they always do what they want
afterwards anyway
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I guess I'd like it if I knew
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
It just hurts and is incomprehensible
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Books & Films
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
no one called - a hug would be nice
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I've seen a lot of death, and this is quite immediate for me -
I don't know how helpful it may be, but I really need to talk,
and my friends don't really care, as they either don't know her,
or are quite insensitive
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Too many words, especially for someone who is dealing with grief
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Fri Oct 12 15:51:21 2001
M40 in Burlington, NJ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Developmental Psychology at Burlington County College
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 94.
--Details:
She was suffering from dimensia and didn't know most of the family
her last couple of years. However, I was unable to attend the
funeral, and a felt a loss of being with family and bringing to
a close.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
I believe just an end to one phase of our life. That there is
an afterlife.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really didn't know what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
grandfather's funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
there was guilt feeling that she was better off, and that I wasn't
there for her at the end.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a process we go through and not just stoiccally deal
with on our own.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
is being together with family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
memories arise, dates
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yes
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a belief in an afterlife.
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcopal
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
peace and contentment
--Regarding MONEY:
kind of funeral we were able to hold
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
brings the living together
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Perhaps an approach to someone who is facing death (terminal illness)
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Thu Oct 11 19:37:32 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
It was my mother's mother. I knew her well. She lived in another
state, but we did visit her quite often. I was told by my sister
who was on the phone in the living room with another relative.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Since I was young I did not surpress my emotions. I was able to
let them out at the moment I found out. And that was it for me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
It was all the other people crying even at the funeral. I didn't
understand why people didn'
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Thu Oct 11 18:13:45 2001
F22 in westerly, ri =us=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: medical assistant/nursing student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 78.
--Details:
same as previous
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
spiritual. everyone has their own beliefs about what happens to
you when you die, but many people relate it to their religion and
their belief in a higher power. i believe that when you die you
go to heaven, a better place, where you live carefree forever,
and you will see your loved ones again when it is their time.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 15 yo. and my grandfather died of a stroke. it was not sudden
b/c he had already had a few strokes before and we knew that soon
one of them would lead to his death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died of a stroke when i
was about 15 yo. he had had numerous strokes before, so it was
not sudden.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how sad everyone was, crying, thinking of how much they were going
to miss him. but i didn't want to see it that way, i saw him dying
as "i'll see ya later, keep after us, keep us safe, and we'll see
ya in a few years"
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is a serious thing and people in our society nowadays live
very dangerous lives, whether it be using drugs and/or alcohol,
having sex with numerous partners, and the violence that is out
there today is unreal.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that my family is very religious and even though we were
all sad and were going to miss him, we knew deep down that we would
be seeing him again.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my religion, and my beliefs of heaven.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that i'm not going to see this person for many many years
to come.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i'm happy that even through that hard time i was able to look up
and see the positive things that could come about from a loved
ones death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
control my feelings through the funeral even though everyone around
me was bawling.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about how much i love my close family and friends, i see
death on tv and in the movies and when i sit back and think about
it, i would be devastated if i lost a good friend or family member
this early in their life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone that is so kind-hearted and loving and giving could
die when he could have lived happily into his 90's
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
trust. i have complete faith in the medical community.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything. my whole family is very religious. (catholic)
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i think that all good, honest people go to a better place when they
die-i know that everyone has a different view of where you go when
you die but that's what i feel.
--Regarding MONEY:
my grandfather had money that no one knew about, not even his
wife. he had a lot of stocks and bonds and my dad and aunt found
everything one day soon after his death when they were helping my
gram go through his things.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how everyone came together and was so believable in god at such a
hard time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
it is very difficult if the person who died didn't let anyone know
what their beliefs are in the rights and wishes of the dying, so it's
a hard call-i guess just try to put yourself in that persons shoes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i've never really thought about my own death. if i knew i was going
to die soon i would want to live my life to the fullest right now. i
would travel, spend a lot of money, i would talk with my friends
and family and get them to understand that even though i'll be
leaving them soon, i will see them again- and that until then i'll
be waiting for them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
i feel that when you die you go to a better place, stress free and
you get to see your loved ones again when it is there time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
the sadness at a funeral-you can't help but think that that person
is gone forever when you see them dead in the casket
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this questionaire helped me a lot in thinking about death of loved
ones and even my own. i've never thought about my own death before,
but it could happen-and i feel that i have a better knowledge of
death now.
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Thu Oct 11 14:26:09 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 84?.
--Details:
He was sick for a long while beforehand, so we knew it was coming.
But losing such a gentle spirit was difficult for me because he was
actually my husbands grandfather, and the only one on that side of
the family who ever made me feel welcome and loved.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life as we know it. The end of our physical world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was 4 yearls old, and thought my mother was going to jump out of the
coffin at the funeral. I though it would be like a magic show I had
seen where the lady jumps out of the box at the end of the trick.
I was so confused and sad when she didnt.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My mother died when I was 4.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Not really being able to express my pain and sense of loss.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Dont beg that person not to go if that's what they really want.
Let them feel its ok to die.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye to my mother.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be very scared, and very resistant. I am not ready to
go yet.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I really did not have a concept of death at first. I fantasized
for a long time that my Mother would come back.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Wed Oct 10 19:29:31 2001
F19 in Garland, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
For a project for my developmental psychology class
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Prof/Studies: nursing student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: heart problems; Aged: 60-something.
--Details:
I was in middle school when my mom picked me up. She told me my
grandma was in the hospital and wasn't doing too good. We went to
see her, and she died a few days later. I never did get to see her
because of her condition and my age. I later found out that my father
and his brothers had made the decision to take her off life-support,
which years later brought back all the feelings I had when she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we have completed our time here on Earth as physical human
beings and when we can spritually be with God (for Christians at
least) for eternity.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
don't think I completely understood what was happening. I knew
that she would never be coming back, but I was too young to be
greatly affected.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my great-grandmother. Because of my age I was not too close
to her, so I took her death quite well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my uncle holding the hands of me and my sisters and telling us
that Grandma Ginny (that was what we called her) wouldn't want
us to cry. Instead she would want us to realize that she is in a
better place and be happy for her. It was what helped me through
the experience the most.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is more a spiritual thing than a physical thing. I think we put
too much emphasis on our loved ones being gone from our presence,
and not enough thought into the fact that, depending on the person's
beliefs, they are much happier where they are now than where they
were before.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother is not in pain anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support of my family and my best friend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that we had moved to Texas two years previous with one of the
main reasons being to get to know my fathers side of the family
better. The hardest thing about his mothers death was how much I
wasn't able to get to know about her.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to help them mend all their problems they have had. I work in a
hospital and when one woman was dying the one thing her family did
for her was bring one of her daughters in that she hasn't spoken
to in years. After the re-uniting there was an obvious peace inside
her that had lacked before.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to realize that it was better that she not be in pain then
for her to spend more time with us. I knew that someday we would
all be together again, and until then I would just be happy for her.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
simply tell her I loved her. For years she wanted me to get on a
bus and come see her, just to spend the weekend together. I never
did, and that is my main regret. I sometimes feel like she thought
I didn't want to see her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about my grandmother on my mothers side, and how I had spent
12 years getting to know her. I feel like it is unfair to my other
grandmother, like I owe her another 10 years of my life.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think she would have kept her son's relationship stronger. (Neither
of her 3 sons speak to each other now.) I think I would be making
trips to see her at least every couple of months. However, I do
not think I would be as grateful for the relationship as I would
be if I had previously experienced a death in the family.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I never got to know her as well as either of us would of
liked. My youngest sister was only 9 years old, things with her
were even more unfair.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
put my life on pause until I get my feelings all straight.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried my eyes out. All I knew was that I never got to know my
grandmother very well and that I would never again have the
oppurtunity to.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
(I was too young to know what they did.)
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I knew she was going to be in a better place then she was while
she was living. I believed she had lived a good and fulfilled life,
and she was ready to celebrate it in Heaven.
--Religious Affiliation:
some sort of Christianity.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that death is not necessarily a bad thing. Instead it is the
"moving on" of the spirit to a better place.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how friendly it was. We had a service instead of a funeral, and I
got to meet many people she knew and everyone agreed that she was
an exceptional woman.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
in most cases, the overall look and attitude of the person. It all
depends on what the person is suffering from.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think I am fine with her death. She died about 5-6 years ago,
and I have had plenty of time to deal with it.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I think she would give me advice about all the things I am going
through. I also think she would ask me to keep trying to have a
better relationship with my father.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think the wishes of the loved one should be put first. Fro personal
experience I have learned never to let a family member carry out
the will. This is the reason neither of her sons associate with
each other anymore.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am still below the drinking age, so I have yet to think about my
own death more than whether I would like to be buried or cremated.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Nothing special, but every once in awhile I will think about
what my grandmother would think about what I was doing, and
live accordingly. She always told me to use a lot of conditioned
in my hair so that it would be shiny and beautiful when I grew
up. Everytime I wash my hair I use a lot of conditioner just because
she told me too.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
My age.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It did conjure up some old feelings, but all off them were feelings
of contentment for my place in my life and knowing that she is
happy where she is now.
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Wed Oct 10 15:14:49 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 7 1/2 years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident (head trauma); Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we no longer exist on this earth. Our soul leaves our body,
we are put into a casket, and then put into the ground. Someone who
dies never comes back. He or she is gone forever and all that
those they left behind have left is memories of them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
remember asking my parents how God could take her. I could not
comprehend why someone so young would be killed. It just did not
seem fair. She did not even get to live.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My friend was distributing pamphlets for the
school, and due to slippery roads, the driver lost control of the
vehicle and hit a telephone pole. My friend was thrown from the
car and died from severe head trauma. I was involved in her death
because she was my friend. We grew up next door to each other.
I had know her since I was born.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the silent, eerie feeling in our neighborhood.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is permanent.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my parents.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
understanding why.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
comfort them and make sure you tell them that you love them, as
well as anything else that you feel they should know.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to value life more.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
no one could tell me why it happened.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a way to cope. When one can no longer cry, one laughs.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to her one last time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
put it behind me with time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about my life without someone close to me. I just cannot
imagine living my life without them.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was too young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried. I had nightmares. It was awful.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying to God by myself.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
my uncle died from cancer, and his parents and brother gave my aunt
such a hard time about the money. They took the money from the
funeral home, etc. I have never in my life seen anyone act the way
they did when someone passes away. It was really kind of sickening.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing the person lay there in the casket, not breathing and without
a soul.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The right to have assisted suicide. It should be up to the person
who is dying or ill, not anyone else.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be really disturbed and scared if I knew that I was going to
die soon. I would be afraid of how I would die and if it would be
painful. The whole concept of death is disturbing to me. I cannot
imagine dying and the world still going on. I always think about
that when someone dies. When you are gone the world still goes on,
and when everyone that knew you dies, you will be totally forgotten.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my friend's brother was better friends with my sister when we were
growing up, but now he and I are best of friends and he and my
sister hardly ever talk. We got closer as we grew up. We were
friends as kids and our relationship just grew stronger with time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Parents talking to me about it and helping me to understand why
things happen.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I could not believe that she was gone. She was too young to die.
I couldn't understand why God would take her.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This survey was very though provoking. It is interesting how much
you remember about a death that had a huge impact on your life,
when you are asked about it.
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Tue Oct 9 20:42:57 2001
F19 in goldens bridge, new york =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: student, psychology major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person does not exist any longer. their body does not work
any more.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was taken by surprise and upset that my lifestlye was going to
dramatically change
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died in his eighties after
being in a nursing home for several years.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing my familie's pain and not seeming to show as much emotion
as them
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that when death occurs, suffering ends
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
keeping to myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing friends and family upset
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there for support and comforting, anything in the past does
not matter only that moment does
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it is possible to move on with life
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her when she was sick and make it known how
much i loved her. it was hard to be around her but for her comforts
i should have
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
somewhat forget and move on
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
certain family members of mine were so supportive
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
support form immediate family
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that such a good person had to die. that it had to be my sister
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just accepted it but was sad and tried to move on
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they were not very accomodating at all
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i didnt have contact with a hospice
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i believe in heaven but not in spirits or ghosts
--Regarding MONEY:
whatever money was needed we used
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all the old friends we had not seen in years still came
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weight loss
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i hope and believe she is in heaven and eternally happy
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that i will miss them and love them and will always cheris the tim
we had together and i will never forget them
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
going about a normal routine as always
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was helpful, i got to think about my experience and what has
helped me
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Mon Oct 8 17:08:35 2001
F26 in , nj =us=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, yrs8 ago.
Cause of Death: asmtha; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our life as a human being on this earth
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was between 3-4years old
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died but he had been sick
for quite some time
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
they were so young and didn't need to die
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
coping
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know they're going to a better place
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
finality
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just listen
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
really do care for them
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell them how much they meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know them
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
every one that was there
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
listing all the ggod things they did
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so young had to die over something so simple
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Sun Oct 7 18:35:18 2001
F27 in Fort Dix, NJ =USA=
Name: Aliya N. Jenkins
Email: <liyanj=at=home.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 80.
--Details:
I was in boot camp for the AF & I was notified through the Red
Cross that my Grandfather had passed away. I cried hard, because
I was alot older & could understand what was going on.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
inevitable. It is a natural process that happens, because we aren't
equipped to live forever. We tend to deal w/it as best as we can
w/the support of friends & family.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young child and I didn't fully comprehend what was going on
until I was older & I could understand it more.
--That first time, how it happened was
From what I recall my Great Grandfather died while we were stationed
in FL. My mother was very upset & we drove home to IL & attended
the funeral, but I don't recall crying and all that.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone was crying, but they all pulled together & became the
family I knew.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to physically cope w/out overdoing it or underdoing it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way my family came together to help each other grieve
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
nothing
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you need not worry about anything anymore
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can cope w/death now
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
hey closed the casket, what significance that meant
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
speak w/my Grandfather more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
just experience the entire thing
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my family became a stronger unit
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I begin to realize that death is truly inevitable
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I believe that if my Grandfather was still alive things would be
wonderfully good. He was the true comedian in my family & he made
you laugh regardless of the situation =at= hand
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
not =at= all
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it ever happened
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just accepted it as a part of life and would always do my best to
deal w/it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
optimism
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
nothing
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
going to church & reflecting on the good things in life & learning
from the bad
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very near
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't matter
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
n/a
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it pays to be w/family/friends & to pray or meditate in your own
way to get your mind off of things & think about the good times
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I do recall my Grandfather coming back to visit me when I was
a teenager
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
n/a
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My Grandfather just sat on the end of my bed
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
When I go I want my family to be happy that I lived my life to
the fullest & knowing that I will always try to keep my affairs in
order & try to instill this in my husband as well
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know that my death will be inevitable & knowing this I will live
my life to the fullest yet having my worldly affairs in order so
that when I do go, my family will have no worries
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Lots & lots of prayer & family
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
My family's closeness during that time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel this survey was fine, but not a lot of ?s applied to the
situation
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Sun Oct 7 13:48:19 2001
F20 in denton, ts =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, less than 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: age and medical reasons; Aged: 82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
different depending on if you are talking about a person or an
animal. Death dealing with an animal or plant means that it is no
longer in existence. Death with people means that a persons body
has died and their spirit has gone to god or other places.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought that they would come back in a few days. But, I understood
that death was a happy thing that meant that people no longer had
to worry about being hurt or unhappy. It depends if someone is a
Christian though. I remember my mom telling me that if people didnt
believe in our god that it would be scarry because they wouldnt be
taken care of.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Grandmother died of enphaseama when I was 4 1/2 years old. She
lived with my parents and I. I was really close to her. She had
been very sick. I was very close to her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
telling my relatives that my grandmother was a star in the sky and
that whenever they had problems that she would be there with them
in their heart just like she was there when she was alive.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Depending on what culture one is talking about depends on what
they need to know. If you are talking about my heritage, then
im not sure. But, if you are talking about my religious culture,
then they have the answers if they trust in the Lord.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
without death i would not have a chance for eternal life. When my
friend died when I was young, I gave my life to God and Jesus.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family support and religious beliefs. Also knowing that I will see
the people some day down the line in Heaven.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to touch them. And trying to remember them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To listen to the person who is going through the loss and letting
them know that I am there if they need a person to talk to or some
one to be a friend.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell all of my family memebers and friends who have died how much
i loved them and how much they meant to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
comfort people that i love
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
God takes people when it is their time. Its always right we as
people may not see the whole plan, but trust in the Lord
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didnt get to tell them that i loved them. I didnt get to see
them one more time. They were so young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
My great uncle died a few months ago. Sometimes I forget that he
is no longer here.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I had no contact with hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and understanding
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I try and not judge others. I believe that there is one God and that
there is only one way to have eternal life. You have to belive in
Jesus and that he died for all of our sins.
--Regarding MONEY:
My family had no problem with money. All of my relatives had life
insurrance and wills, so we new what their wishes were.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that you find the true friends in your life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that i felt closer to God. I felt peace knowing that my family
memebers and friends have gone on to a better place. I also remeber
wanting to go with my grandmother when i was little becuase my
mother said that Heaven was a place of happiness and laughter.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
A lack of drive from the person
when they just give up
some
people just have an awesome peace over them as well.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Everyone needs to let their family memebers and close friends know
their dying wishes long before they think that they are dying.
I believe that people should have everything in order, so that
their families dont have to be burdened.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sad for my parents. I would be happy though because i would be
going to live an eternal life with God. I might be a little upset
though because i havent done everything that i wanted to do while
i was alive
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
my mom and I used to let a baloon go on my Grandmothers birthday.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I learned to let people know that i love them and care for them.
I live a day by day life. If someone died today, they would know
how i feel about them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
At that time my parents told me that she was hurting and that now
she was with God.
I would have to say my age. It was hard to understand the concept
of forever.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Honestly, it was not useful at all. I already knew the answers to
the questions. I feel that beliefs keep me strong on this issue.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I believe that you should have access to relgious people so that
people can talk to them or phone numbers of support groups or
hotlines. Some people go to others that they dont know to answer
the hardest questions and feelings in their lives.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Oct 6 16:54:14 2001
F19 in Toledo, OH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
we have to take part in four experiments for my clas
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Prof/Studies: student
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Laurline McDaniel
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 31.
--Details:
He was driving in the middle of the night and fell asleep at the
wheel. He was startled when he started going off the road so he
swerved and his car flipped 3 times and he was ejected from the car.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a time in someones life when they are taken from earth and sent to
heaven where they will live eternally.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared and confused. I couldn't understand why God would take
my grandmother away from me and I was angry at times.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died when I was 6. I can still
remember her funeral like it was yesterday. It was very tough for
me to see her. I lived out of state so I wasn't about to see her
much, but I knew her well enough to understand that I would never
be able to see my grandmother again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the last time I saw her alive. It is those wonderful memories that
stay with me rather than the last time I saw her, when she was dead
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is hard for children to understand.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made me appreciate my life and my loved ones lives. I cherish
each moment I spend with them for I know that they may be taken
from me at any time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
prayer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting the fact that they aren't coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
sharing with them how much you love them, talking about good memories
and sharing funny stories.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
wish I would have gotten to know her better. She was very sick
with cancer and I would talk to her a couple times a week, but I
never knew what to say. I knew she was sick and it was hard for
me to find the right words. I have learned that I could have used
that opportunity to get to know her better rather than being scared
to talk to her.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to see her children suffer their loss. Why would God take
someone who is so young, wonderful and strong?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was the simple fact that the good memories were overbearing and
that is all I could think about.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know her better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye to her. We all knew her death was coming soon so I
said goodbye to her and told her how much I loved her. Although she
was not conscious, I know she heard me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my aunt was so positive. She never complained or let anyone know
how much pain she was in. She was so strong.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how much money was going into her chemotherapy and hospital bills
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize that I am never going to see her again.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would still have my aunt, a great person who could make anyone
laugh.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so young and wonderful is not with my anymore.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her again, tell her how much I miss her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that she had gone to a better place and she was no longer
in pain.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great appreciation. It is because of the medical staff taking care
of my aunt that I decided to become a nurse.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The nurses were so caring and loving, they made the whole experience
a little more tolerable.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
somewhere I could go to let out my feelings.
--Religious Affiliation:
christian/catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like I always have a way to talk to people in heaven, they are
always listening.
--Regarding MONEY:
my parents were pretty much supporting my aunt, but that was not
important to them, they did it out of love.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the presence of my aunt, it felt like she was there. It was
beautiful, with wonderful music.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
deciding on my profession as a result of the whole tragic experience.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when they start saying their final goodbyes, they know what is
going on.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I put aside my fear of seeing her and just appreciated the time I
was able to spend with her during her final hours.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she was in a coma, yet we could tell she was trying to communicate
with us. She seemed to peaceful in the last moments of her life
and even at her funeral, she was angelic.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't feel like there were any unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I feel like I already had that last conversation. i was able to
say goodbye the way I wanted to.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I hope that I am able to say goodbye to all my loved ones and tell
them how much I love them, that is the most important to me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes I feel guilty when people die and I am still alive. But,
they are in a better place and I will have my time.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I prayed a lot and felt like I could communicate with her in
that way.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
My aunt was a caring, loving person who worried about everyone but
herself, I feel like I have become the same way.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I felt like it brought the whole family together. In that one year,
many members of my family died and it just made everyone else closer.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I was very young and it was hard to understand
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have reached out to other people and they help me get through
everything.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has helped me remember something that happened long ago. It has
helped to me appreciate the time I have spent with my loved ones
that have passed away. It has made me remember to treasure every
moment I have with my loved ones.
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Sat Oct 6 00:11:26 2001
M32 in austin, tx =us of presently patriotic a=
Name: d n a
Email: <phelia2010=at=yahoo.com>
Web: http://uk.profiles.yahoo.com/phelia2010
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking through dance clubs from denmark
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Prof/Studies: dishwasher / janitorial
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 82.
--Details:
mother stayed bedside for a couple days ..he was in a coma ...so
it wasnt very dramatic until he passed ...she fetched the nurses
aid who was a young woman (about 17 ys old) and she seemed nervous
my mom said and said "I've never seen a patient die" (this was an
old folks hostpital home)..and my mom felt she needed to comfort
her ...said it was funny
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition of energy every living thing goes through sometimes
unexpected in multitudous ways.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered what it was like
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandfathers funeral .. mom wanted me to
come and help out around that time ..was a gathering of family and
friends .. more just support for mother .. he was the God head to her
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
standing at the back of the church everyone seated but my mother
and I for the final service of my grandfathers life ; as he had
lead many in his many years as deacon with the church and visited
many invaled and homebound folks through the years ...as the organ
player began playing the religious hymn he published years earlier
"I know he cared for me " ... emotionally tears began welling up
and flowing and I instintively asked my mother would she like to
sit down now ...very wonderfully melancholy moment I'll never
forget..I escorted her down the isle to the pew with everyone
around comfort.society.togetherness
--What I think my (us of presently patriotic a) culture needs to better learn about death is:
This is the only dance we dance ... not to live for the afterlife
.But to live responsibly and not hurt others.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing people who have died . And remembering thier positive energy.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being around and speaking with those that loved them also ...telling
stories from the past/memories. and music.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
guilt for not living up to what he wanted me to be
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen . try to comply to any request they ask within
reason. celebrate thier life with them ..
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realised it was time
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a way for everyone to be united as it was his passion .
--Religious Affiliation:
protestant non-denominationial
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking at the shell that was once this kind strong vibrant man.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
whilst the coffin was still open at the church when noone was looking
I poured a vile full of frankensence oil onto the inside lining of
the white casket ... partially as final sacred gesture. Another
was lighting fine frankensence incense at the grave site service.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yea, with my mother. I wanted to be there as I am her son and he
was her greatest male influence and mine as well.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
accept different stages of mourning and embrace them
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I played beautiful melancholy and joyous music in the car driving to
the town with my mother . lisa gerrards "The mirror pool" album and
'duality' I recommend both albums to anyone highly ...She is the
female vocalist fromt the band dead can dance . The female voice
in some songs from the movie 'GLADIATOR' .
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Oct 5 11:15:44 2001
F41 in Lewisville, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Student for second degree
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 35 years ago.
Cause of Death: Leukemia; Aged: 76.
--Details:
I've experienced more death in my family since this but I guess
my first death is the most touching and vivid. I remember even
when she was ill in bed at home she would still have the energy to
"get after me" when I became alittle too aggravating as a young
child playing with a pop gun. I also remember how incredibly sad
it made my Mom. Even recently we visited her grave and I saw that
hurt again in my Mom.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of existance in our human bodies. We have a malfunction
of some part of our body and it causes the whole system to crash.
At this point, you are no longer able to communicate or interact with
the one who has died. They have gone into a never-awakening deep
sleep. All body functions cease. The body and soul (inner being)
seperate.
The inner being continues to live on in our own minds.
The physical body disintegrates into dust.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 5 yrs old. I was very scared to look at my grandmother in the
coffin....but after I did I noticed how beautiful and peaceful she
seemed. I especially remember she had her lovely long (very long)
gray hair down instead of the bun she always wore it in during
the day.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...
My mother's mother...my "Gran". I was only
5 yrs old and do not remember everything. I just remember my mother
picking me up and letting me see her in the coffin. It was alittle
scary but I could see she looked so pretty and peaceful with her
long gray hair.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was astonished at how much had to be done when someone died.
All her belonging being doled out to relatives. Everyone felt
helpless because there was nothing at that time that could be done
for leukemia.....it was a terrible disease. I think my Mom was
mad because she felt her mom did not deserve to be dealt such a
hand after the hard life she had had.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It doesn't mean you can't communicate with that person again.
Memories will always keep them alive.
And God does not always
strike you down with an illness or death because YOU have done
something against his will.
Death should be a "Celebration of
their life" not a sad mouring funeral.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have very happy memories!!
She looked so incredibly beautiful
and peaceful in death.
No more pain!! I could see this in her face.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Just talking to others about her life and what she accomplished
and how she made everyone feel loved.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I did not have the time with her that others did.
I
DEFINITELY felt cheated. Sometimes I really get mad about that!!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Holding their hand.
Being uplifting.
Letting them know that they
had impact in your life and that you will always remember them for
that!!
BUT you are selffish.....you wish that you didn't have to
go because you could never get enough of their love and support.
I would also ask them to look down on me and watch over me because
I needed to know that they would continue to be with me (even in
death).
That I would take time to remember them in the future and
not forget them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
relatives were selfish with her belongings and the splitting of
her things she left behind. How greedy people can be in death.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's just as funny now!! I'm glad I have the memory!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know her better. I think I could have understood my mother
better had I known my grandmother more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend the time with her that I could. At least I knew her for
a brief amount of time and see what impact just that small time
had....what if I had gotten to know her better...how would I
feel then?
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Even after 35 years......the pain can be as fresh as the day it
happened. The longingness is incredible. The need is overwhelming.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Is how the funeral was presented ...... how it looked to
other people. If you were dressed appropriately...if you acted
appropriately...if there was enough food prepared for after the
funeral.... As far as I'm concerned I could care less about the
pomp and circumstance.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize it's the final moment. I can't say wait a minute or oh
well, I can tell them later......
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would just have collected many more special moments to cherish.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that such good people sometimes have to suffer through the most
painful deaths.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
understand God's reasonings.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized I could hug them again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ethics.....I strongly am against keeping someone terminally ill on
life support. I believe sometimes the doctors go alittle too far
in trying to save lives....no matter what the consequences.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I knew she would be taken care of after death.
That she
could no longer feel the pain.
That she could continue to watch
and guide her loved-ones.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Freedom
--Regarding MONEY:
it had to be split apart and that even in death people could
be ruthless, pety and selfish.
This had nothing to do with my
grandmother.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I met people I had never met before.
Sometimes I wonder if they
really wanted to be there or if they were there just for "show".
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The stupid procedures of death. How there has to be graveside
services, or there is not going to be a memorial, or a public funeral
or a private funeral, what to put on the gravestone, what to do to
entertain all the people in attendance, will be have enough chairs,
what if it rains.....just all the CRAP!
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
continued or repeated illnesses.
Extremeties......not recognizing
the obvious (people, directions, schedules etc)
Lack of desire
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
they are in a much more peaceful place. They cannot hurt again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I kind of believe that everyone is ushered into the after-life.....I
don't believe you are ever left alone.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No
But I do hope when my time comes it will be pleasant.
I do
believe that people have had these experiences.
They were just not
quite ready to cross-over nor was God ready to release them from
life. I also think these people have been given a second chance.
I feel that they were revived for a specific reason and they usually
know the reason deep down.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I knew my grandmother had a very rough life....physically and
mentally rough. My mother has a very sour attitude but I somehow
think my grandmother could still enjoy life....I just always wonder
if she was an optimist or a pessimist.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That even in times of struggle, she had happy memories.
I worry
that she didn't have enough of them. I worry that she was never
really happy!! I worry that she was never treated special as she
made other try to feel.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother says often she really feels her mother's presence.
She doesn't see her, but she feels this very overpowering
presense.....like a big hug.
Once after my dog died, I saw him
in our cactus garden thru the kitchen window. But when I rushed
out to see him ....he was gone. I swear to this day...I saw my dog!!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe if a person strongly believes in certain issues regarding
death they should put them in writing. But I also believe I have
made my wishes know to those close to me...I would only hope they
follow my wishes and that the doctors would abide by those wishes.
Unfortunately, so many things are not done how the person would've
like them to have been done and that is like "slapping their faces".
I believe every person has a right to die how they want, have a right
to say how they want their physical body disposed of and how their
properties should be divided.
Nothing should change these wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like warning that I was dying because I would want to prepare
"legally" as much stuff as possible so my loved ones would NOT have
to deal with it. I don't want my death to be a big hassle. I don't
want a funeral or anything. I just want people to take a minute and
wish me well in the afterlife. I only hope that I have instilled a
few HAPPY moments in their lives. I don't want to go until I have
done that.....
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just retelling and revisiting the fun memories.
Not trying to really
visit the pain.....just the joys.
Looking at old family photos.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I used to be scared of death but now anymore. I truly believe
that God will not take me until I'm ready and he's ready. I trust
that that will be the right time.
I only hope that I am able to
accomplish what I need to accomplish before he feels it's time.
I just hope I feel completed when I die.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No I can't say I have
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
That I realized how upset my mother was over the loss of her mother.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just be there to hold a hand. To run errands so the person could
spend more time with their loved one or....stay with the sick person
while the relative gets out to get some fresh air! Everyone needs
a break.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have felt pretty consistant about death and dying for about the
last 10 years. I haven't wavered much. But no one in my immediate
family has died yet and time will tell about my feelings then.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Oct 4 21:00:38 2001
F18 in , Ky =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 17.
--Details:
My good friend died his senior year on a Friday night after a
football game. He was driving too fast around a curve and slammed
into a tree
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an unknown feared experiance. Some humans cling to religon for
a source of comfort, while others try to avoid the inevitable at
all costs.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in 5th grade. It was my grandfather
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather committed suicide after loosing his job. I wasn't
effected immediately, because i wasn't told the facts of his death
until I was in high school.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when a good friend of mine knocked my door, was histerical, and
told me that Bobby was dead.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a way to prepare ourselves better for the inevitable. Our culture
is always trying to defeat death, accumulate wealth, and obtain
immorality.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing personally, that death is only a part of the experiance,
and there is more for me on the other side
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belif system, and reflecting on memories I shared with the
deceased.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not seeing my friend's smile in the hallways. Knowing that I will
never share another memory with my good friends.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
No matter how hard it is for you to stand by a dying person's side,
they need you because they are the one who is facing death right now.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that everyone's time will come, it's what you make of the
time you have that counts.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I questioned life after death and God's plan for me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was laughter because of being overwhelmed. I couldn't handle
it any more.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to see him smile one last time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my pastor quoted the 23rd psalm.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
not knowing what is instore
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am at a football game on a clear fall night and the lights gleam
just so.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people die so young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a source of comfort.
--Religious Affiliation:
southern baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
money from the insurance company set the deceased's family for
their entire lifes.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it's an overdone ceremony that doesn't bring closure to anytihng.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
walking into the funeral home
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I've dealt with my issues and don't need Bobby to return, all I
would say is I've missed him
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't really care what happens with my material possessions,
I'm not going to need them!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I embrace death, I'm tired of fearing the inevitable and have no
reason to doubt my status after death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
visiting the grave site on his birthday with a card in hand
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
one emerging friendship was with my friend's younger sister. She is
my age and our friendship arose from a common loss. We were able
to comfort each other and became close friends
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
I was too yound to really know what had happened
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
It was very hard to go to the funeral and actually see his body
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just being around to talk to is help.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I haven't had any realizations or rethought anything really.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no
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Thu Oct 4 13:28:45 2001
F36 in Baltimore, Maryland =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 58.
--Details:
He had heart disease and diabetes. He was in and out of the hospital
a lot and then was home and bed-ridden for a year.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we cease to live. When our bodies stop functioning, our
hearts stop beating, our brains stop working.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 23 years old. I was relieved because my father had been so sick.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father was very sick for a couple of years and then died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that I cried once, the day after I found out he died.
I felt relieved. My family didn't talk about it much at all.
I didn't see any of them cry.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my father knew I loved him and I knew he loved me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
therapy and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my family's reaction, or NON-reaction. Also, the fact that I would
never see my father again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
physical contact. Hugs and kisses. Listening to them talk (if
they can). It's OK to be sad, but not stressed out. Don't act
like you won't be able to cope without them.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that you should let people you love know that you love them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctors were not honest with us. They never admitted that he
was dying.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's normal.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go camping with him. Go to Italy with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say "I love you, Dad."
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my father couldn't get himself out of the bathtub.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone mentions what a nice guy he was. Or when I dream about him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be able to introduce my dad to the man I love now. I would
be able to see my dad playing with my brother's kids. My mother
would not have let herself go like she did. My mother would have
more will to live.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He's still young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back -- healthy.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment, anger, resentment, distrust.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcopalian
--Regarding MONEY:
He was cremated. It was cheap. My mother paid for it. That's all
I know.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there wasn't one.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to button my father's pajamas for him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was devistating that I had no closure until years afterwards.
We had no funeral for my father and I think we should have. I am
not religious, but some kind of ceremony or acknowledgement would
have helped a lot.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My therapist helped me with unresolved issues.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My father often visits me in my dreams. At first it was terribly
upsetting because I thought he was alive and woke up to the reality
of his death. Now it's very nice and I always remember them.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My father wanted his ashes spread in a certain place in those same
mountains, but my mother refuses to spread them. She should have
respected his wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want it to be quick. I don't want to linger on in an unhealthy
state. I don't want to get to a point where I can't take care
of myself.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went to a spot in the mountains where we all used to hike.
I said goodbye.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I make pots out of clay.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
For a long time, I did not deal with it all.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
No one in my family wanted to talk about it.
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Wed Oct 3 12:54:10 2001
F45 in Hyattsville , MD =USA=
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Prof/Studies: Episcopal pastor
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
"When your child dies"
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler Ross;
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: aortic aneurism; Aged: 76.
--Details:
My parents were away on a trip in Nova Scotia. He died around
midnight in the hotel. My mother had to deal with it without any
of us children to help. He died suddenly and without warning. It
was quite a shock.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an incredible loss of someone we love, a ripping away from this
earth to a place where we no longer see them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was seven year's old and I cried. It was the Pope (I was Roman
Catholiic and missed what he represented and who I'd heard he
was---a kind and gentle man)
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my cousin who was born with a congenital heart
defect developed a brain tumor. He went into a coma for several
weeks and then died. I was 11 at the time and I cried every night
for a year.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone crying about my father's death. And then the fact that
so many people came to his wake, sent flowers, and/or came to the
funeral. My father had touched so many lives and they shared so
many memories of him with all of us.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that Death is a part of life; that it should not be denied, but
rather prepared for as a normal part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
people were very kind to my sensitivity and did not tell me to
stop crying.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
ppeople who shared their experiences of wheen their father (or
spouse) died.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
When my father died, the hardest part is living at some distance
from my mother, my other siblings. I would have liked to be with
them more.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
doing whatever they wanted or needed while they could still
articulate it--mostly physical things, like a cold washcloth on
the head or holding their hand If the person is a religious person,
quietly saying well known prayers.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to be open about death, not hiding it from children even
and certainly not hiding it from adults.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
as a child I was not allowed to attend my cousin's burial.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
not applicable. I couldn't laugh, although I was in a lighter mood
at some points seeing so many friends and relatives there and being
moved by their words of kindness.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit my cousin in the hospital before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
with my dad, plan his service with my brothers and sister and mother.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we had the opportunity to say good-bye to my father privately before
the funeral home closed the casket. Although it was very emotional
to see them do so, I was glad my family was all there together.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who sat next to whom in the family pews at the church.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I smell an apple pie which my Dad loved or I remember one of funny
sayings, such as "Well, we're off, like a dirty shirt" which he'd
say as we departed one place to go to another.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My dad would still be alive; my mother wouldn't be so scared and
I could still call and ask him advice about financcial matters.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he died so suddenly, without the chance for me or other family
members to be with him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time, somehow, so that he could have gotten
a special MRI for some reason that would have detected the aneurysm
and had the operation to remove it and that it would have been
successful.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried a lot, even though I believe in Heaven.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect. He died instantly, so there was nothing they could do.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
hope that death was not the end, that my father is experiencing a
new life, which we can't see but nevertheless is real.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am an Episcopal priest (pastor). The rest of my family is Roman
Catholiic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very real. I have worked as a chaplain with people of all kinds of
faith and I have seen and experienced that kind of presence of the
Spirit in all the dying experiences with only a few exceptions.
--Regarding MONEY:
with the way my father had tied up his assets, and the fact that he
died in Canada, making it very difficult to get death certificates,
it took a long time to pay the funeral home, which was embarrassing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the love of the many many people there, which demonstrated how many
people's lives my father had touched.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the initial experience of seeing him in the casket. It wasn't
him---without the breath of life in him, he was unreal looking.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
when a nephew who was my godson died, I had a "vision" of him
standing by the throne of God and God gently patting him on the
head. Then I knew baby Ryan was at peace.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I always wish I'd been closer to my father. I don't know how I can
resolve that other than acknowledge that and mourn it, realizing
my father was a very private man and didn't want to be closer.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd say something to my Dad about how much I miss him and I love
him, that I am sorry we didn't say that much when he was alive,
but that I appreciate all he did for me growing up.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It reminds me that I need to fill out a Living Will and a Health
Care Power of Attorney, designating what I would or would not want
done for me if I was suddenly in a car accident. I also need to
get a new will drawn up.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I only think about it rarely. When I do, I think usually of making
the most of existing time and relationships, particularly with my
young children and my fiancee.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I listen a lot to a Sarah Brightman song called "Time to Say
Goodbye." It is actually a hope-filled song.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
When my nephew died, my brother and hiis wife and I became closer
and have remained so.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
My mother just holding or comforting me
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I was not allowed to attend the burial, only the church service.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
As a pastor, I have continued to have people in my own church or
in the neighborhood die. And in doing their funeral services, I was
not only able to comfort them better, I also continue on some level
to work through my own grief (by listening in on my conversations
with them or my sermons at the funeral services).
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is somewhat helpful to put in writing, especially as I continue
to struggle with the aftermath of the Septmeber 11 tragedy in which
I lost 4 friends.
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Tue Oct 2 22:00:25 2001
F50 in Montreal, Quebec =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: alcoholism; Aged: 51.
--Details:
It was a form of suicide. He drank himself to death. His wife and
he split up in May and even tho' he knew it was coming, he needed
someone to take care of him. He was very unhappy since several
years, and the split with his wife was the final straw. He stopped
eating, drank all day from the moment he woke up, stopped listening
to music, shut himself up in his apartment and only left it to buy
more beer. He hated his job, loved another woman who wouldn't have
him (me), and just didn't want to live any more.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body stops functioning.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a child of 4 or 5. I didn't really understand the finality of
it, I guess.
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandmother died at age 66.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the loneliness for the person who has died. Wanting to tell him
how much I cared and the feeling of helplessness in the face of
another's despair.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the need to grieve and talk about our dearly departed. It is way
too much hushed up and whispered about.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having known the person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about the deceased person with mutual friends. Also, my
belief that his suffering was finally over.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling I could have prevented it by being more loving and caring.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
unconditional love, touching, holding hands, listening.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned the importance of telling people that we love them while
they are alive and well.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
his family had no funeral or wake.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was probably my way of coping.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
try to talk him into getting help for his depression, and I would
have liked to hug him again.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend some time with him a few weeks before his death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we held our own wake at the tavern where we had all hung out together
with Steve, the deceased.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at photographs.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It wouldn't differ much, except that I would call him every day
and do my utmost to get him treated medically for his alcoholism.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
and why couldn't his wife have had him declared mentally incompetent
and committed for treatment?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt I had aged and felt weary and sad.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they do not have the resources to treat people who have mental and
dependency problems.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
past: Catholic, but am now a lapsed Catholic.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
believing it was true.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
loss of interest in the things usually enjoyed; hand tremors
and epileptic seizures caused by alcohol intake, retreating from
the world and from friends, not eating, becoming incontinent. No
emotions.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time will heal the wound, but there will always be a scar.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I do not know, as he died alone and was dead several days before
he was found.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I can't figure out my feelings for Steve; were they feelings of
love or of friendship? Could I have made a difference? Only a
professional medical person could answer me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him how much he mattered to me. I would hope to hear
him say he will seek medical treatment for his alcoholism.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't believe a funeral is for the dead person to decide. It
is a rite allowing the survivors to say goodbye, and as such,
the ceremonies and rituals should be decided on by the family and
friends,who need closure.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd probably find it easier to accept my own demise than that of a
loved one. Knowing in advance would be a good thing, as it would
allow me to make things right with those I've wronged, to tell
people I love them, and enjoy to the fullest every last moment.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
listening to our favorite song.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? The Death Vigil
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not really.
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Tue Oct 2 21:43:38 2001
F46 in Portland, OR =USA=
Name: Karen Roberts
Email: <workin4nothin=at=webtv.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I started this a few days ago, so I will skip down to where I
left off.
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Prof/Studies: Customer Service
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting death as reality when it happens--trouble believing
someone who's life was so entertwined in your own
is no longer
there to respond to you
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was there when my Mom passed. Don't be afraid to cry and show
them how much you will miss them. (My Mom still smiled at me when
I was crying). Touch them & make them comfortable as possible.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Was able to access strength and endurance during the month my Mom
was in the hospital till she passed. Things automatically seemed to
prioritize themselves with my Mom being first. The more I had to do,
the more strength was there to meet the challenge. It's one time
in life that you know that you're truly needed by the person dying
and your own family who may not be able to do all the things being
required. I've found that when all your physical & mental strength
are used up, rely on your own spirit, it will never fail you and
without doubt,you CAN accomplish anything your situation requires
of you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
For a whole month, all the health professionals were telling us
our mother WAS going to get better and they constantly encouraged
us all along until the final two days. Then, all of a sudden, we
were expected to make a decision to remove Mom's respirator and she
would stop breathing gradually. It seemed things were put in motion
and we (my sister & I) were helpless to do anything but, watch her
quit breathing. I kept watching the monitor and saying to myself,
"Why am I not stopping this".
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was sobbing to hard to laugh. But, I did laugh at certain
expressions on my mother's face which she meant to be funny.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To hear my Mother speak to me and tell me all the things she wanted
to tell me. (She was unable to speak or communicate in any way,
other than yes/no with her hands or with her eyes & smile).
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Think rationally enough through the initial shock and organize
my own affairs quickly, so I could fly to CA to be with her and
my family. Also, to take care of Mom's home, bills and insurance
dealings right after this accident happened. And finally, I'm
sothankful I could at least communicate my feelings and love to my
mother before she passed.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The hospital could never locate my mother's "advanced health
care directive" (we couldn't either). A couple of days after Mom
passed, we happen to find the original in Mom's home. It was very
thoughtfully written and perfectly addressed her specific condition
before death and we FINALLY realized that we had done as our mother
wished (we had no way to know until then). We were very touched
by the wording but, most of all tremendously relieved that we had
carried out our mom's wishes.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Mom kept mouthing the words, "I want to go home". We initially felt
this was VERY important for her to be in her own home when she
passed on. I changed my mind after talking to some of the nurses
we became close to. First, she would have to have a trasfusion &
dialysis just to be strong enough to make the trip home. Secondly,
she would quite possibly be very uncomfortable for the 30 miles trip
home and could die on the way (having no loved ones with her). Also,
it could have been quite some time or even days before her time
came, she would have likely suffered unecessarily by being at home
where pain control methods would not be as efficient as in the
hospital. Important: We were truly torn about "where" Mom should
pass. A small voice inside of me gave me the answer and there would
be no further doubt. It told me that "home" is where the heart is;
and that loved ones and comfort were way more important than the
"where".
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I get dressed! (Mom bought and gave me all of my clothes.)
She
was so thoughtful about everything she did. All the material
things & momentos I have are reminders of my mother's love and
thoughtfulness. Can't get through a day w/o comming across various
reminders of how much she loved and thought of me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Mom would be living right here in beautiful Portland where I could
be right here to help her & she wouldn't have to drive anywhere
herself. She would have more money to spend on herself because it
much cheaper to live here. She wouldn't have to try to "fix-up"
that delapedated mobile home she bought & she could afford a really
nice one here. Or I think, I could (have) move(d) to Fresno where
Mom owned a problem-free nice home all paid off. She wouldn't
be lonely because of Dad's untimely death. We could take trips
together to see my sister only 3 hrs away. She wouldn't have to
drive anywhere, either.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That in the wealthiest country in the world that someone's very
life could depend on how much money they have or don't have. After
one month's time, if your condition doesn't show marked improvement,
Medi-Care & any additional insurance you may have will similtaneously
quit paying for your hospital bills...You're left with the decision
no loved one should have to make.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Jump ahead to the future or back in time before this all
happened. Anywhere...but the here & now within this big empty hole
that's right in the middle of my life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I realized that dying is an inevitable part of living. I try
to be thankful that my Mother was not in pain or had to suffer
for months hooked up to machines or with an incurable, mentally
degenerative-type illness. She was at least cognitive and able to
know that her loved ones were with her by her side.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Mixed feelings. Some of the critical care nurses were absolutely
wonderful human beings! They shared their own lives and also,
their own personal losses with me. I became very close with a
couple of them as my sister and I were there everyday. The two
nurses I thought the most of were there to assist my mom in her
passing--I was grateful for that. They even cried and embraced us
like they were part of our family. (what they must go through). They
were quite candid w/me on their own time and prepared me for what
could be the worst even though others kept giving us false hope--I
truly appreciate that because I know they cared. On the otherhand,
my mother's advanced health directive was mishandled and lost). I
don't feel like we were properly informed by the physician in charge
of the critical care unit (in advance) on the severity of our mom's
condition. Then, expected to all of a sudden end our mother's life.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
This did not apply in our particular circumstance. Although, I
got some very helpful advice from different hospice websites in
preparing for a death and important things to be considered.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A personal belief that there is one almighty God. I do not attend a
church at the present. But, I do have a personal relationship with
our Father in heaven. I am assured by God's word that we will be
given no more than what we can bear.
--Religious Affiliation:
My family's religious affiliation is: Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Reassuring and true.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money was the unspoken bottom line.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We had a wake at my sister's home, it seemed more natural and
comfortable for us and it was our way of better remembering our
mother and learning how others remember her. We did not have a formal
funeral. We felt this was right for our family and more personal.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
When it became eminent that she would die; my sister and I had a
long talk with the physician and other attendants to "formalize" the
process, my heart broke in pieces and I cried uncontrollably. Right
after that, we returned to my mother's room and she smiled the
biggest most sincere smile I think I've ever seen. (Mom was very
self-concious about her smile her whole life so, she didn't do it
too often).
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
This important bit of knowledge was given to my by an average guy
at the hospital I spoke with who had lost his mother to cancer. His
words helped me tremendously. He said, when it became apparent
that his mother was dying, she TOLD him that she just wanted the
process to "hurry up and happen". My personal experience was that
there seemed to be no fear at all...and the worry is for leaving
behind loved ones and a selfless concern for their well-being.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
There is always hope but, it's LOVE that carries you through when
you start thinking, "I can't do this". I've never before lost anyone
as close to me as my mother. It's a dark uncharted area of life but,
whatever it takes, one must be willing to enter this area with their
loved one then, once again alone. There is no easy way to grieve,
just let it flow and it will guide itself. I could not do this at
first, but I've started to write a "feeling joural". I didn't even
know what I was going to write but, it has helped me greatly to
sort out my thoughts & feelings. My own written words have given
me answers and more consolation than I could ever imagine.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was not aware of any at the time.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I did have one when I was sixteen yrs. old. I had just given birth
to my son and was home for about a week and I was awakened in the
middle of the night with the sole thought that I was dying--I wasn't
afraid, I was just breathing rapidly and thought, "I'm dying". (In
retrospect, I had "milk fever" at the time and could no longer
breast-feed my son after this.) I then seemed to get up out of my
body and "float" a couple of feet off the floor into the living
room where I swirled around gracefully while noticing hundreds
of candle-type lights around me in the room. All of a sudden, I
felt a very urgent need to return to my body which was still lying
in bed. When I got to the bedroom door, I dove head first into my
body. This has only happened once in my life and as long as I live,
I will never forget this experience. *I was very sick at this time.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel very good about the last few years w/my mother. It's as
if she was preparing me for this time for the last couple of
years. More than anything, she wanted my happiness before she
left this world. I always told her tha "she" was my inspiration
alone. This was true. She was far from perfect and she confided
her shortcommings to me, because I've had similar problems. For the
past few yrs., she made it a point to tell me: little things about
her life that I never knew before, how naive she was in raising
me, what a beautiful person I was with a good heart, how smart I
was...you name it, it always amazed me, these words I've never
heard from her before--I didn't know what to think! It was like
a wonderful gift that I always wanted
but, always fell short of
receiving..finally! She somehow knew. This will mystify me as long
as I live. I count it as the greatest gift my mother ever gave me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It hasn't happened to me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I brought my mom's "cremains" home to OR with me. I have an area set
aside for Mom's box w/favorite pictures, a book of "Life's Lesson's"
I gave her and a beautiful leaded-crystal vase I was going to give
her but, she told me to keep, which I fill with fresh flowers from
my garden every couple of days. Also, I have a silver locket w/my
picture (Mom always wore it when she came up to see me); it's draped
over Mom's box. There's also a candle I light everynight when I go
to bed for my mother's memory.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
This sounds silly but, Mom's favorite activity was to come up to
OR and I would take her to Spirit Mtn. to play the slot machines,
we would have so much fun! Whenever I go, I take some keepsake
of Mom's & I softly talk to her while I'm playing her favorite
machines. It's then I truly feel connected w/her:)
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: at what age
How'd I do? How well
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Tue Oct 2 16:09:46 2001
F18 in Carleton, Michigan =USA=
Name: Kelly
Email: <kellbell_123=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, about 3 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: the terrorism attacks on the WTC; Aged: 33yrs..
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--Death Is:
the expiration of the person in their bodily form and the crossing
over of one's spirit.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
questioned the amount of time we all have still on this earth,
considering how at any moment our lives could be over.
--That first time, how it happened was
Actually it just happened in the wake of the horrible tragedy on
September 11, 2001. The person who died was my cousin and she was
traveling on the second plane that hit the world trade center.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
---actually the death made me see how close to home the terrorist
attacks were, even to me...I mean I really didnt know my cousin
that died in those attacks, but it made me see that it can happen
to anyone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that even though death can seem like such an agonizing thing but it
is a time of rejoice in that the person is going onto a better life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I believe that God is always waiting for me when I pass on.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
that I knew that other people were suffering worse than me and
there were some people who still havent found their loved ones and
may never will.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss of a person.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Praying for them and letting them know that they are going onto a
better place.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Tried to help the relief effort in New York...because that helped
me take my mind off of the fact that I knew someone that died in
the attacks.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Everyone was saying things like, "we're gonna kill all them
Arabs"...well, its not their fault...I kept thinking about the fact
that people wanted to fight death with death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know my cousin better..I mean I really didnt know her that
well because she lived so far away.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I thought that it was just not fair that so many people had to die
along with my cousin.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They couldnt do anything about it.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that once you die, your spirit goes to heaven.
--Regarding MONEY:
My mom and I had to fly to San Diego from Detroit to go to a
memorial service.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I just keep thinking that I need to live everyday to the fullest
because we never know when our lives my be cut short.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have attended memorial services for the victims.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I really wasnt close to her, because she lived so far away, and
the fact that they found her body so that it could be laid to rest
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? News Coverage
seeing the repeats of the second plane hitting the building
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I would offer my condolences to all the families of other victims
of the attacks.
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Tue Oct 2 10:42:08 2001
F53 in EAston, MD =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Guidance counselor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 17 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 68.
--Details:
long illness
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--Death Is:
the ending of our existence on this earth
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really understand
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father was killed in major airline crash
when I was 17
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I didn't get back in time to be there when she died. I had
run away to get away from her dying for a couple of days and then
she dies while I was away
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to grieve better
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i got to talk to mom about how she felt about dying and why it was
important that i be with her
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief in God and an aferlife
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling of guilt that I had not done enough
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let the person talk about whatever they want- and really listen to
what they are saying
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned one has to really let people go
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodby to both my parents
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to mom about how I didn't handle death well
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people made sure I was ok
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i want to talk to them
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I used to dream that Dad wasn't killed- he was just hurt and lost
him memory
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my mother was a widow for so long and then had to suffer
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
cold reason, not very sympathetic and really not helpful
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were very kind and a god-send since I was so far away
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
mom didn't know what to do when dad died and then when she died,
I had to handle everything
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a change in the skin - Mom seemed to get translucent
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Mom saw dad after he died and I heard him. I know she saw him
waiting for her as she died
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
it would give me closure for both deaths
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother saw my father in the house one night about 3months after
he was killed. I also about that same time, heard him call to me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I do not want my family to take extraordinary measures to save me
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not really afraid to die- I am just aftraid to hurt
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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See Sep 01 contributions.
See Aug 01 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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