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See Current contributions.
See Jul 00 contributions.
See Jun 00 contributions.
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Wed Aug 30 19:09:09 2000
F14 in Moranbah, Queensland =Australia=
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Prof/Studies: Student
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More personal info:
When am I going to get married?
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
Difficulties at birth
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Sun Aug 27 22:09:28 2000
F21 in Commerce, TX =Hunt=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Waitress
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 1 1/2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 30.
--Details:
(she was my step-sister) She was thrown out of the window. She died
the exact same way her mother did. Just thought that was weird.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My best friends dad died of a heartatach and
I was close with that family. It also happened on my birthday so
I'll never forget it.
--Religious Affiliation:
non-denominational
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not really worried about myself cause I know I'll be with
Jesus. I just worry about how my family and friends would take it,
especially my dad.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
also talking about good times.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was okay. I'm sure a lot of people may find it very helpful. I
just don't really know what to say on the questions, but that's
just me.
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Sat Aug 26 05:06:31 2000
M50 in , =germany=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Osho , Stephen Levine, Buddha
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of idol, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: death by poisoning by the US Government; Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of this human form and the transition into another dimension
in which we return to our source and the universal intelligence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went into shock and trauma
--That first time, how it happened was
my father commited suicide
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
becoming aware of the infinity of the human soul
--What I think my (germany) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is natural and cannot be avoided or denied, but needs
to be contemplated and become a part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it makes me search for the dimensions beyond this life, and
for love
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
meditation, compassion of my spiritual master
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the awareness of aloneness and the incomplete love
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
meditation, silence,
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have learned to cope with grief and develop trust
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
attachment to the body
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
consciously express my grief and terror
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
find a spiritual master and meditation
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I recall all the pain and fear I have had to face in my life
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
more safe on the outside , with more confidence
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that some persons do not find anyone to support them spiritually
when facing a very painful situation
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Regain all the trust I had as a child
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
faced the pain of incompleteness
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
a seeker for truth without any organized religion
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
death makes us aware that there is something more essential than
body, mind, power, security
--Regarding MONEY:
there was the reality of no money coming in after a courageous
change in working place
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that nobody talked about it
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
withdrawal. silence,
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
we can only help to pass the stages with as much consciousness and
honesty as possible
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no comfort,no rationalization, just the truth of mortality and
our consciousness
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
forgiveness, gathering courage, my spiritual master and my honesty
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I forgive you that you lost courage
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Living will, celebration of my death, no mourning, cremation
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am aware of my mortality and confront myself every day what I want
my life to be loke and to express if this was my last year of life
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
meditations on life and death, writing, expressing emotions
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
meditation, spiritual search,love, bardo meditation,
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
with authentic spiritual seekers
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
seminars, personal sharing of my grief, giving trust and encourage
to express feelings, asking for help and feeling worthy
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
helpful to deal with grief and to look again at life, to consider
what is most essential and what needs to be lived and expressed
Enhancements: www.living-dying.com , www.bardo-meditation.com
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Thu Aug 24 16:05:33 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
ANDREW SITE
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 16yrs ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: 16.
--Details:
I also lost my younger sister in 1990, she was 20. Car accident.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
great loss that we just have to accept.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 8 years old
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Grandfather died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much I missed them. Life's is not fair.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
No comments!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
awareness that it can happen anytime, with anyone.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Closeness with family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
To think that I would never see them again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
N/A
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
and sister. Become closer to others siblings.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Acceptance
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Hang in there, and not totally losse it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I thought that maybe they (my sister and brothers) were the luck
ones. They did not have to deal with problems in this life anymore.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I deam about them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Became very angry with God?
--Religious Affiliation:
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Closure
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Mon Aug 21 11:59:06 2000
F17 in Rather not, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
surfing net
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Pneumonia; Aged: about 90.
--Details:
She went to the hospital cause she fell, she went to get checked out,
she died 3 days later. She was the person who had raised me.
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--Death Is:
Painful. Depressing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8, confused, young, and hurt, with no one willing to help me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my best friend, I was 8 when she died
of Cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Memories of the time I spent with her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
More compassion.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The Internet and people in chat rooms. & friends. & religion.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My age. and no one really understanding how much it hurt me. I was
13, when my grandma died, and it hurt me a lot, she was the closest
thing I had to a mother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasnt their, she died in a hospital, and I got a call the next
day saying she had passed on.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I learned death hurts, & it doesnt go away( the pain of the loss).
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
is why god had to take that one person, at that exact time.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didnt laugh for 2 yrs after she died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say "I love you" one more time, and said good bye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live through it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
they sang amazing grace, I still cant hear it w/o crying.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd be happy. Not depressed to the point of wanting to die.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
quite often.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hide. or perhaps die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was extremely depressed.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
eventually time did help it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
I was young & confused
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Mon Aug 21 00:18:41 2000
F25 in Ebensburg, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: English teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cardiomyopathy; Aged: 22.
--Details:
It was a complete shock. My friend was a US Marine in excellent
physical condition. One day, her husband came home to find her
on the kitchen floor. I still at times have a hard time accepting
her death since there is no real explanation for it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused, upset, and afraid.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandmother... she died of bone cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of loss and sadness.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not a blessing from a higher power.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it took away the pain that my grandmother, great-grandfather,
and childhood dog were feeling.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my very special friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling that they were gone, that i would never see them again,
and that i was alone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that they know they are not alone and that they are loved.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
show that i loved those people while they were alive.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i touched my best friend's arm to say goodbye... she felt so unreal,
so dead.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the praying and religious ceremony
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear certain songs that were significant to us, look at pictures
of that person, or think of a time we shared.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
my best friend would still be very much a part of my life the way
it is now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that a young, healthy person with so much to give should die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it all happened
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
lost my faith in god.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hopelessness.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
i was raised a catholic and have since denounced religion totally.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
acceptable.
--Regarding MONEY:
no effect at all.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that we all shared one common bond.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
could be anything
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
crying, mourning, being with other loved ones in my life, and
spending an ample amount of time alone and thinking helps me
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i feel my friend's presence all of the time in my life. at times,
when i'm questioning something or have a decision to face, i will
receive a sign that i feel truly comes from her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would reinforce how special she was to me and how much her
friendship meant to me... i would hope to hear the same.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i have told those close to me that i want my very special friend to
sing 2 special songs at my funeral, that i want a music festival in
memorial to me since it has always been such a part of my life... i
want people to remember me as i am now, not as they all wished i was.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would feel scared and sad, but i would do everything i always
wanted to do and be sure to tell everyone important in my life how
much they mean to me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
spending time with my special friends that still remain here on
earth always helps me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
well, actually acquaintances become dear friends and have remained
as so... the friendships have even strengthened through the years.
a lot of times, i feel that my deceased friend had her hands in
setting up these friendships to help me and to live through them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
in my experiences, it has been friends and family that have gotten
me through it all.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
Religion and peoples' rationalization of death through religious
means angers me to no end.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just being there to hug me, to listen to me, to tell me everything
would be ok.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was useful... it made me search for answers that i wasn't sure
i had.
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Sun Aug 20 18:58:07 2000
F21 in Long Beach, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student; creative writing
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Not a book, but a song--"Complicated" by Poi Dog Pondering
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 19.
--Details:
She was on a cruise with her family, dove into the pool, hit her
head and drowned.
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt guilty becuase I didn't feel bad--it was someone I hardly knew.
--That first time, how it happened was
It wasn't someone I knew well-a distant relative. My mom told me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Not finding out from her family. Having to read about it in the
newspaper, and have my mom and my friends tell me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's not the end of everything.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
It's not totaly supportive and I'm still not satisified with it,
but I give money to her scholarship fund. Part of me feels guily
for just throwing money at the problem, but part of me feels at
least it is going to use.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
She was close to me for a long time, then the last few years we
drifted apart. I felt, out of our group of friends, that, comparing
our lifestyles (mine: drugs & alcohol & promiscuity, hers: virginity
and Christianity) that I would have been the first to die.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was just in shock. I couldn't believe she was dead. I was confused
as to why whatever almighty being picker har, of all people.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never felt that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Stay closer to her the last few years. I hadn't even seen her since
high school; I should have made an effort to get together.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
think that it must have happened for a reason. Maybe we can't see
it, but there had to have been a purpose.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot to her and her family and friends, but nothing to me.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was raised Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Yes.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How corny it seemed to me. They read some of her poems. As a
professional writier, I couldn't supress the thought that they were
somewhat cliched, but I felt so guily thinking that.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing another friend at the funeral and not ever being recognized.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
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Sat Aug 19 08:55:07 2000
F25 in Bossier City, Louisiana =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accident at work; Aged: 35.
--Details:
He was crushed by a backhoe. It couldn't see him because there was
a fire and the air was filled with ash and smoke. He had always
complained about the unsafe conditions at his workplace.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the physical world. We move on to a spiritual world
where we have chosen, by how we've lived our life, to go on in
peace or hatred.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was curious about how a dead person looked. It wasn't what I
expected. It wasn't gross at all. It looks like a fake person,
almost no resemblance at all to the person I knew. It reminds me
of a wax replication. It looks like the person minus the being.
--That first time, how it happened was
I went to the funeral of a relative I had never met before. It was
the first time I hac ever seen a dead person.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was shocked and ashamed that I didn't cry. I even tried to cry.
I just felt like I missed him. Even to this day I feel as if I
will see him again, like when you leave your grandma's house and
know you won't see her again for a while but you will one day.
I also remember feeling like I shouldn't feel sad for him, but
happy that he is in a better place. Of course, no one on Earth
knows where anyone will end up but I couldn't help feeling that.
If someone would have told me that I would feel that way, I couldn't
have believed it, but I truly feel it deep inside, it is hard to
explain how I've always had a sense of peace about it. I feel
that if I tell anyone they will see me as callous and uncaring,
or in denial, but that is not it. I just feel at peace. I'm not
saying I will always react this way but I did to this situation. I
was shocked in the very beginning but never grieved afterward.
I knew him well and that is why it surprises me. I loved and
respected him and he was a very good, caring, helping person.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not an ending, but a beginning. I need to be reminded myself,
because I am still afraid of dying. It is fear of the unknown.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Trying to realize they were actually gone. Also, how quick and
unexpected death comes, no time to prepare.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Visit with him more often. I wish my kids had gotten to know him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
cope so well.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that such a good man was taken from us so young.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything. Without my faith, I may not have the views and feelings
I have, nothing to support me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like that person will never really be totally gone, their spirit,
and our memories live on.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing the body and realizing that the body was not who he really
was.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm afraid it will come too early. I'm afraid of leaving my children
behind. I feel that there is much I have to do first.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Fri Aug 18 16:25:44 2000
M27 in Knoxville, TN =USA=
Name: Mike
Email: <forestman_73=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was searching for something completely unrelated, but ran across
you through surfing.
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Prof/Studies: Steel fabricator
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More personal info:
OK to post.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer and brain tumor; Aged: in his 70's.
--Details:
He died suddenly and didn't have to go through the pain most people
in his condition usually go through. However, he did reach the
point where he would get aggrivated easily, and couldn't remember
people that well.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the completion of ones existance. It can happen at any time,
at any place, and may come of natural or unnatural causes.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My favorite grandmother died. I cried for
a couple of hours after hearing about it, but then I was OK with it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sadness in my parents.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its everlasting. The ultimate and final solution to anything.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it forced me to not only remember the good times, but the bad times,
because both elements are what you need to become the person you
are today.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I new my grandfathers death was near; it wasn't a
total shocker.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the sadness it caused my living loved ones.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
ask my grandfather more about the family history.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I started striving to make myself a better person. i.e. I quit
doing drugs and I drink a lot less now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I was taught very young that every living thing dies eventually,
so when it happens, I knew it would eventually.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
I have never gone to a funeral, I figure I can say bye to them
through my prayors.
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Fri Aug 18 06:14:02 2000
F13 in Ipswich, Suffolk =England=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of idol Public Figure, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: suffocation; Aged: 8.
--Details:
she was abducted and murdered.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
weird. no-one really knows what happens after we die. for some reason
our bodys just stop working and we're gone as quick as a flash.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 4 years old and I didn't understand what had happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
my great nana died when I was 4. I didn't really understand death
at the time but I remember the funeral and I felt quite upset.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
thinking how sad it was that she was so young and i felt angry
because she'd been murdered and she never got to grow up from
a child.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we all die for a reason.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
thinking of people who are murdered is horrible but i believe in
fate and i believe that they die for a reason. death isn't something
to be scared about.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i usually deal with deaths by myself i'm quite a private person
but i did talk with 1 of my friends which helped a bit.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it was hard because when my grandad died i felt guilty because the
last time i saw him i didn't bother seeing him for as long thinking
there'll always be next week but there wasn't.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
don't feel bad about laughing. i believe there is life after death
and laughing is just a sense from the person that they are happy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my grandad for longer.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that they left this world so soon.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run away and never come back.
--Religious Affiliation:
i am a sort of christian but i'm not really sure.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how u go from living to death. what it feels like.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Thu Aug 17 12:16:03 2000
F49 in Chorley, Lancashire =England=
Name: Annette Harrison
Email: <annette.harrison=at=virgin.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: IT Lecturer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 40yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 60.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...When my grandfather died in England, we were
living in Germany, we were not told until my other grandfather also
died and Dad went to his funeral. I was devastated the two deaths
in such a short space of time was more than I could cope with.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
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Tue Aug 15 02:10:08 2000
F25 in brisbane, queensland =aust=
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by chance
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Prof/Studies: photographer, social worker, health
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More personal info:
I love cats.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 58.
--Details:
It was a long and painful process. It was awful watching someone
you love so much suffering so much. We looked after her at home
as this is what she wanted, so the daily impact of witnessing her
detioration seemed harsher(in our faces more) than if she had of
been in a hospital. However, as this is what she wanted, I would
have withstood anything to make her process of dying better for her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
often feared, it is taboo in western culture. It is difficult to deal
with, as not only do you have to come to terms with the fact that
this person has suddenly 'vanished' from your life, you also have to
deal with other's lack of continued support and sensitivity. However,
we so fear it because we are ignorant. It is only a transition back
into the world of spirit. I don't mean that in a patronising way,
it's just that we are spirit manifesting in a physical body for a
while, in that that capacity, it is part of a natural progression.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock! I was depressed for a long time (2 years). I learnt
who my true friends were.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...father died on the spot of massive heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The impact my mother's pain and suffering had upon me - I still
shudder when I think about her condition. My memories are also
acutely visual, which makes it like a living nightmarish vision. Also
the arguments and family conflict, and the disintergration of my
family unit. Also, my anger surrounding these things.
--What I think my (aust) culture needs to better learn about death is:
1. Wake up and deal with it, don't discourage an openess about
it. PEOPLE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT AND BE SUPPORTED. People need to be
feel comfortable saying "Yes, I too will die one day, and it could be
in the next second." ACCEPT DEATH. Our culture is so absurd! It is
paranoid about death. Scientific reasearch is devoted to preserving
physical life for as long as possible. eg cure for sids, cure for
everything that threatens our perception of our own mortality.
WE ARE SHIT SCARED. WE do not talk about things that matter - eg we
talk about how nice the deceased person's hair was, etc, anything
but openly confront the fact WITH THE MOURNER, that this has left
a terrible void in someones life. People have crossed the street
to avoid me. 2.Grievers Learn lessons from people's death, and
thus actively intergrate that knowledge into their lives. for eg -
I can honestly say that the death of my mother and father and close
friend were the worst and best things thatt have ever happened to
me. Worst, because I have endured the lonliness, emotional isolation
and great sadness that has come form loss after loss. Best because,
My god, I have learnt so much! I have learnt the value friendship
and people, and the embracing of life to its fullest potential,
whilst you still have time. I have a deep personal understanding of
the words "DO What You wanna Do, Be what you wanna Be, yeah!" I also
have realised something very precious: I am a strong person, yet I am
vulnerable and need a hand sometimes just like anybody else. I have
learnt so much, and I am very grateful for these experiences, as it
is these qualities and understandings which will endure. 3. It is
only death of the physical body. WE badly need to learn this. 4. We
need to become arare of the institutionalised, contradictory band-aid
measures we employ to make ourselves feel better prior to death. IE -
We might have been a 'bad arse' all our lives, but suddenly, moments
before death, a stranger turns up in a black outfit with a white
collar, asking us to make ammends with god, before it is too late,
and that will somehow instantenously change our consciousness and
make it all better for us 'on the other side'. How absurd!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Refer to my other answer where I talk about being grateful. (By
the way, good question!)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY inner strength.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching them suffer, being so sad for their emotional and physical
pain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Put your own baggage aside, and be there for the person when they
need you, whether it be in the middle of the night, or whenever.
Allow them a death with dignity - respect THEIR choices, It is
THEIR LIFE, not yours. BE kind, be humane, tell them you love them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
After the shoch wore off form the first death. I did not know what
I was going through was normal.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
not relevant to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my father I loved him before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
COPE to see today!!!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how it was supposedly so selfish, and an unforgivable act to commit
suicide! (People thought this was important) HOw selfish of them
to only think of themselves, when my friends pain obviously greatly
outweighed theirs!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
no particular time or criteria.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be worse off, despite how much I miss them all. I would
be blissfully ignorant of the value of life, and probably would
pay more attention to trivial things. I would probably be doing
a job that I hated, instead of finding the courage to follow my
dreams,because I would not have appreciated the fact that I too,
could die tomorrow, and you must CEIZE THE DAY!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That the death of people who are famous is portrayed as being so
much more important than someone like you and I. THe media has
a field day, but to be frank, who cares if LAdy Diana died in a
car crash?? Hundreds of ordinary people die like this each year,
and no-one blinks an eyelid. Yet their deaths are just as important.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
escape to a rainforest near the beach, with no stupid humans!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought HOLY ****! How could a person dissapear into thin air???!!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Disgust. Medical staff high up in the pecking order were insensitive,
and incompetent, and their methods of 'help' constituted logic
without reason. The only good thing I have to say is that those down
the bottom of the power scale were the best. The GP and blue nurses
were the most caring and went out of their way. The ambulance was
pretty lame - arrived too late!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Disgust for a system that treats people like a scientific experiment,
if they are perceived as having no chance of survivng.eg "Oh here,
just try this new drug, or here, we are just going to be talcum
powder in your lungs" I AM NOT JOKING. Arrogant and poor people
skills, and one particular surgeon incompetent and offered no apology
as this would be an admission of guilt and legal ramications etc.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NOTHING but a patronising pain in the butt!
--Religious Affiliation:
My father tryed to rear me as a catholic, however, I soon
realised the true me. I do not find it necessary to belong to
any religion. If I had to push myself into a catergory however,
I would be a spiritualist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Yes, of course, the above statement is technically correct, yet I
do not feel this is what happens, most of the western side tends
to think in terms of heaven and hell, and in the east it is so
different. We are locked into this thinking in the west , so much
so that we forget about the universalness of spirit in all deaths.
--Regarding MONEY:
There is nothing trustwothy about the Public 'Trustee'!They are
money hungry at out expense.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people turned up! There were haeps. Also, I was in shock and
thus reading out obitarys was like reading out a recipe for scones.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Nothing was wierd
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Breathing slowing down and becoming shallower.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
YOu go up and down like a roller coaster and round and round like a
merry go round, but always, I maintained a belief that eventually,
I would find my way out of that shitty amusement park!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
MY dad told me he that just after death, there was a brilliant
white light. MY mum told me that after her death there was a long
silver tunnel, which she travelled through. As for just prior to
their death, I do not know.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have already done so ,but to be brief, my mum has appeared before
my physical eyes to comfort me to let me know she was still around,
and she has come through in meditations, always with comforting
intentions. I have heard her call my name when I have been in a
half waking state in the morning. My dad has visited me twice in
a dream since he died 5 yrs ago. First time, we met in a special
place. He told me what his death was like, ie he had no pain, and
what It was like afterwards. He said ne sissed everyone, and told
me there were things he was sad he did not get a chance to do with
my mum. He said life after death wwas not quite like he thought it
would be. this dream was one of the best experiences of my life. He
came to me again about 3 yrs later, just prior to mum's death. He
came to tell me she would die soon and that he would be witing for
her to greet her. HOW WONDERFUL IS SUCH AN EXPERIENCE!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Repsect the wishes of the person dying. It is not about you or your
stuff/beliefs - it is about the person who is dying.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Of course I think about it. I actually look forward to going home,
but am sad about leaving grieving others behind. I am not suicidal,
I am just aware of a few spiritual truths!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just making a point of speaking to the deceased after they are gone
helps. Eg I miss you mum. DOn't worry, I'm ok etc.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Having a very spiritual dream where I was reunited with my
father. This was not a product of my subconcious mind, but a very
real, beautiful, special experience. That morning I woke up feeling
happy for the first time in months. Also, developing knowledge
was also very helpful eg phases of grief etc. Support from friends
who did not try and take the pain away was most helpful also.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Insensitivities
So called friends angered me with their insensitive and stupid
comments eg "snap out of it". Also, people extend their suppport
for a limited time only, mostly around the time of the funeral
and for a couple of weeks, they don't realise that it is actually
throughout the next months and years that you need the most support.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Understanding and listening - not jugemnet.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is bloody long! It tokk me alot longer than 20 mins. BUT, it is
great - good on you. I would love to hear the results.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
JUst maybe reevaluate how long it may take someone to complete.
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Mon Aug 14 23:45:48 2000
F19 in Denver, Colorado =U.S=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: sales
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 ago.
Cause of Death: run in with a rival gang; Aged: 14.
--Details:
died for a very stupied reason.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like being a wall. Being nothing at at all. No life, no more
thinking, no more feeling and no more joys or pain.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for years everytime I though of her. My favorite grandmother
who I was always with.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandmother died from a heart attack in
my fathers arms.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Was not being able to got to the funeral. It was very hard for me
to deal with the fact that one day I would be no more.
--What I think my (U.S) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to let it happen so easily. So many people in my culture get
caught up in what seems to be fun at the time. However what maybe
be fun can also sometimes be dangerous.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Is that I learned how to appreciate people more while their alive
because they may not always be arround.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
No one was of any support, but I think God had been sending me a
mesage about the after life. I think the message was that this life
given to me is only temporary. But the after lfe is for eternity. So
basically I should be making sure I would be prepared for the after
lfe my relgion tells of.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Once again dealing with the fact that this persons fate was also
mines as well.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
If you dont like going to funerals remember, you need to say
goodbye. Without saying goodbye you will always carry the pain of
that loved one arround.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
That no matter how strong someone can seem on the outside, death
can be the breaking point.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didnt know if I should act a fool and do whatever I wanted while
I was here or if I should prepare myself and become a religious
person so I could go to Heaven.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go to the funeral and pay my last respects.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a better relationship with my boyfriend.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
was how my boyfriend the bestfriend of my friend delt with it. I
never onceseen him cry.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The horrible way he died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I will leave this earth will I cry over the fact that everything that
I accompleshed will no longer matter. I acnnot take anything with me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Would he be one of my closest friends. Would I not have have the
friend I have today because he was all I needed and I had no reason
to make new friends.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Alot of very bad people have long luxerious lives, and someone
who has never done any real harm can have their lives taken away
like that.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Turn back the hands of time just for a moment.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I did not want for the life of me to beleive what was
happening. There is no way someone could be gone just like that.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Alot more because I knew based on my religion once I died I would
have to pay for all of the sins I commited.
--Religious Affiliation:
Penacostal
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Never wanting to leave my family. No matter what was our destiny
in the next life. I figured if I did get into heaven and my parents
didnt I would have to go to hell with them. Cause those were people
I could not live without.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Wacth what you do cause ib the end we will all own up to our
own sins.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i just prayed that he would get to go to heaven.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No one cause no one can relate.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I met you not to long ago but I know you already. I love you because
you were always a good friend. You dont know but you made my life
a good life for a while. And because what came of your death I will
for ever remember you and the good times we all had.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I really cant deal with talking about my own death. It seems wierd
but every time someone dies I always think about my own death,
it pretty selfish.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just talking to God.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I always talk to God. And praise Jesus Christ for dieing for my sins.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, amazingly me and a friend became really close and he ended up
becoming my first love.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
His bestfriend reached out to me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was somewhat hard for me to emotionally handle, it just brought
to many memories that I had forgotten.
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Sun Aug 13 18:27:42 2000
Anonymous Guest 53 in Yarmouth, , Ma =Barnstable=
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By searching the web site. I would like to speak with anyone who
has had paranormal experiences as I have. When my brother passed
on I saw him the following day in full dress uniform, he was a
fireman. He looked at me and smiled. I have many many experiences
that I would like to share with others.
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Prof/Studies: Medical Assistant
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More personal info:
I do not have a web site, but I truly would love to hear from people
who have had similiar experiences.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
I am sorry I think I am in the wrong site. I wish to speak with
others who have had paranormal experiences. If you know someone
who could help me, I would greatly appreciate it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
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Sun Aug 13 02:33:40 2000
F34 in Brooklyn, New York =From Sri Lanka living in U.S.A.=
Name: Nelum Premaratne
Email: <Nelum1=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Law
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Journey of Souls
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Michael Newton,Phd
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, three weeks ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 30.
--Details:
She was born disabled and lived her life like a child
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Cutting off the relationship that person had with her family friends
and this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I felt sad but never very sad until my sister died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How my heart burned (it was a feeling like my heart was on fire
and hurting) when I heard of her death for the first time. I was
surprised at how I am able to go on with life. I thought I might
have a more difficult time living once, some one died in my family
--What I think my (From Sri Lanka living in U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I was born in Sri Lanka and they deal with death pretty well because
majority of them are Buddhists.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My sister's death has me and my family to become more spiritual and
I have become more realistic. I don't put too much importance to
anything that I do now.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading on the subject and finding out to best of my efforts what
happens after death
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Having to live without her.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was in new York and my sister died in Sri Lanka, I wish I was
there but I was doing the New York State Bar exam when it happened
and my family did not tell me until after they had creameted her.
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Got the courage to live through this. And it made me realise how
impermanent our lives on this earth is.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
What kind of a after life she would have.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
attend the funeral
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
treat her nice and take her places she liked to go when she was
alive.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having a good funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when I watch a movie listen to a song she liked
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
humans cannot remember or know what happens after death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
think in a way it was good because she is not suffering anymore.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Going to the temple helped a lot
--Religious Affiliation:
Buddhism
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
good
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Read on the subject and talk to spritual teachers
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I hope she is alright now. I would like to find out whether she is
being taken care of or whether she can take care of herself now.
Whether she is in a good place. And whether she could come back
to us again.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I just want peaople to remember me as a good and kind human being.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
after having had read on the subject, and believing what I have
read to me true, I am looking forward to die when the time comes.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I pray more, give arms to the poor more and go to the temple more
hoping to give her some merit.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Family and friends, too helped
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
Missing all the things I did with her
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I talked to my family tried comfort them, ofcaurse they had more
time to deal with it since I was told about my sister's death
later. so they were comforting me mostly.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it got me think about some of the things I have not thought about
after my sister's death
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Sat Aug 12 09:38:36 2000
F17 in Colchester, Essex =England=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 87.
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--Death Is:
the ceasing of bodily and mental function
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was desensitised to it due to the amount of violence and death on
television and in the media
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died and I went to the funeral
which was the first funeral I had ever been to. It was really
difficult because I didn't know what was going on and I don't agree
with the way in which it was dealt
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
frustration and pity for people of religious beliefs
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is final, there is no afterlife and we shouldn't draw a
veil over that fact
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I knew nothing could be done about it and so dealing
with it was just a matter of looking at it objectively
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the attitude of religions towards death
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
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Fri Aug 11 13:48:16 2000
F18 in los angeles, CA =USA=
Name: Rachelle C.
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
yahoo, psych.
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Prof/Studies: High School
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 51.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physical life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cryed at the funeral and time of death, Accepted it and moved on
with my life.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...when i was about nine, I was very close with
my grand father since my father was always working, and he died of
cancer on january 28th.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everybody crying and my grandfather telling me to be stong and help
them with his dying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that you should not stay dwelling on the loss for so long, but
aknowledge that this is the world of the living not the dead
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the endurance it gave me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the hour before he died he told me to be strong and move on fast
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the splitting apart of my family
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that the harder your life on earth, the more rewarded you will be
for your endurance.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I sat quietly thinking of the future instead of what had happened
and i was told 'thats not what you should do to mourn'
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was very confused, and that it was not because I was happy or
misunderstood the significance of the event.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
thank him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
move on.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I looked down into the casket and saw in his pocket a birthday card
I had written him a few monthes before.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
when I looked over at his wife she sat merely gazing at ring she
wore and crying.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see my doll he brought me from a trip.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
my grandmother and aunt might still be part of the family
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why not grandma?"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
break something that reminds me of him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sat and thought about that person and what thier reaction would
have been.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
greatfulness
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
gratitude.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
shelter from the cold pits of despair, for myself, I veiwed it a
tool they used to evade the sorrowful acceptance of reality
--Regarding MONEY:
he had left enough money for my grandmother to maintain the house,
ranch, and everything else and pay off all the bill. money was not
an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
every body crying and I was just confused why I wasn't like them.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
my emotionless reaction
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I blocked out the people who I felt mourned too much about him and
accepted his death and dealt with it alone.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
other peoples unwillingness to let go.
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Thu Aug 10 13:47:22 2000
M26 in Temagami, Ontario =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for different stuff.
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Prof/Studies: Computer troublshooter
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 85.
--Details:
Was alone in hospital with him.
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--Death Is:
a transfer to one form into another, people that died cannot be
seen or heard, but are always with us in spiret.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was confused because they looked like they could get up outta their
casket and walk around.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandparents died as well as great gradparents
within a year of each other.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I saw a dog die and it was very similar.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Knock it off with talking to a person in the spiret world until they
are able to decide if they want to participate in such cerimonies.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It ends a persons physical pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Parents and a belief in something.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Being alone in the room when they died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk with them even if they are unconscience. Tell them to go with
mom, dad...sometimes whren someone is on their death bed they see
people that already died.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
almost laughed because my grandfather did not get along with a
relative (who was on a 24hr deathwatch)and he deid when she left
for a quick bite in the cafe. It was his last joke/prank.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He stopped breathing and I didn't notice until a nurse told me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was funny as hell, actually at my grandmothers funeral I offered
a seat at the end of the pew for my uncle. My uncle is a big man
and when I looked at how little room there really was I laughted
out loud and my mother gave me a stern look.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Go for one last fishing trip.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for my siter.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Being there for the casket to be closed and burying the body.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The food being served at the wake and who sits up for three days
with the body.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I do or say something they would say or do in a
situatuion. Afterwards I laugh about it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have a little comedy in my life...my family is a bunch
of weirdos.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I never was aloud to be a pallbearer.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Never happens.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to worry how my mother and sister would take it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I think the hospital staff was excellent...maybe free coffee.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We didn't have to do everything ourselves, the church was quite
helpful.
--Religious Affiliation:
My family is Roman Catholic but we still follow Native American
traditions too.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
That it isn't an end.
--Regarding MONEY:
My moms family wanted to argue and fight over stupid things. My mom
went out and burned everything that was theirs so noone would have
anything to fight about.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone has a chance to socialize and catch up.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Decorating the arbour and how superstitoius people like me didn't
want to do the inside cause we would have get on the platform where
the body would be.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Wanting to see family members they used to fight with and make good
so that they won't have people thinking bad of them.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Shock then crying then remembering and laughing about the things
they did that amde us laugh.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Munsu is a word thatn describes things...most of the females in my
family can dream. So usually its the women who see things and the
women whom the men see.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Women dream of themselves dying, their children or spouse. The
dream of animals and sometimes roses or som kind of wild flower.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Parents, siblings or counceller.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That they are happy.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My siter and I can dream about relatives, mine invole bears but
my sisters a riddles. Once I dreamt of a bear and a moose and she
dreamt about a dead cat. The next day Bill (Moose) Katt died.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i WOULD LIKE TO DONATE my organs except my eyes to young adults.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I donot want to have people crying because if I was deid i WOULD
BE REALLY PISSED OFF.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I make sandwiches?
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
No.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Was always talked about...parents prepared us well.
Not having how they died explained.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
M father, he is a rock.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It had me think about everyone so I think I'll go home and watch
old videos.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Are you happy now??
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Aug 10 00:27:15 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the woman who died in her sleep
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
linda gregerson
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
slowly, and as I watched
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to the earth experience
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt mortal
--That first time, how it happened was
I was about 9...I babysat next door...three kids (a baby, a 2 yr
old & a 4 yr old) the baby drowned in a jacuzzi
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the mourning
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is inevitable and nothing or no one will accompany you
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being able to say goodbye
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
isolation
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
waiting
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
physically being present as to comfort the dying
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
took him for granted
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he wished to die in his own bed
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
expect
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think of the way he felt waiting to die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
got the wind knocked out of me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Tue Aug 8 21:23:38 2000
F19 in colonie, new york =united states=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, dec. 99' ago.
Cause of Death: aids; Aged: 35.
--Details:
She was a beautiful human being, who taught me so much. Her
experiances have caused me to learn more about myself and those
around me. I really miss her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the time when the body is no longer able to be alive. The vital
functions do not work and it is a time of mourning and loss for many.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know them , so it didn't matter that much.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was visiting my grandparents in Florida
and word came that my great aunt had died, and my grandmother was
very upseat, so even though I didn't know her i thought I had to
be sad too, even though I wasn't.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how she wanted to have a pizza party at the hospital with a bunch
of us, even when she was so sick and in pain, just seeing me brought
a smile to her face.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not something we can get over within the time period of a day
or two.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the things they taught me, and the stories they shared.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing they will never be there again, as in the example of my
music teacher, his replacement attempting to take over.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
smile, and tell them the positive things in your life, don't allow
them to worry about you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my thrid teacher/friend died in less then a year from the other two.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit wayne in the hospital, tell Mr. cornell how much he meant to
me, and give wanda one last hug and kiss.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
play in the concert for cornell.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the question whats going to happen to the damien center now that
wayne and wanda are gone?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i'm teary-eyed now
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i might go to orchestra concerts, and still go to the center just
to see them and smile.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why them?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream and cry
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
fell apart.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
wish for a cure
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, three deaths in one year has depleated much belief
--Religious Affiliation:
was a baptist, but now i honestly don't know
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there should have been so many omre people at wanda'a funeral,
and less at mr. cornells
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time heals most wounds
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i have become more sullen and less trusting
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
I was so mad at the world and everyone in it, I thought there
was a scheme against me, when three people who taught me so much,
died within less then a year of each other
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just being there for me
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Mon Aug 7 23:28:51 2000
F20 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
Prof/Studies: broadcasting
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 20.
--Details:
I was with him on his birthday and he hung himself that night
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something you can't take back. And is careless when spoken about
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't think much of it. I was a child
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my cousin drown in a pool
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
who could be next. Who else is having problems that no one else
knows about. And what can I do
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing. i think an individual should need to fogure out what they
can do to better understand
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brought all of my classmates and I alot closer before they
graduated and I know that i have someone looking over me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the music.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Why didn't I know, and i think maybe it wasn't as bad ans he thought,
if he'd just talked to somebody
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
appriciate their being there for me and i will always be there
for them
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
how he could hide that he was in such pain, and why the hell didn't
I call him that night
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
call him that night and tell him how much i had started thinking
about him
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a song comes on and I'm driving and i say out loud how much I
miss him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be with him, if not we would be the best of friends
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he should be here because at that moment you want the one person
that will never come back
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him and ask him why... and maybe hug him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was sad and felt very scared about all my other friends
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
lifted.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people were there
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking for him on the streeets or waiting for hime to pop in and
make a stupid joke
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had no clue, he killed himself. But he did miss his mother that
died three years earlier
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no body can help. Oure relationship was just starting to get close.
And I had just gotten to the point were I thought about him all
the time. I miss him dearly
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I just want to know why he killed himself and I would want to
help him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I stongly believe in Angels. And I know that I have a couple
watchin over me
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I anm terrified to know that my husband or my mother by some terrible
chance might not wake up tommorow morning. Where would I be?
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
driving and talking to him out loud
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I talk to him when I miss him or the day is strange and it feels
like a day that he would be there
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
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Sat Aug 5 21:17:42 2000
F59 in Richmond, KY =United States=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
existing only in the memory of others.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my grandmother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the long 70 days of her lying in a coma.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a natural part of life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the memories I have which are wonderful.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
people thinking that she would come out of the coma.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctor in attendance would not honor her living will.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know that I had been there for her throughout my life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone has to stay alive when the brain is dead.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had no problems with accepting the death, I had known she would
not recover and wanted her release from this life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
total disgust wth the medical community.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
asking religious zealots to please go outside the room to pray.
--Religious Affiliation:
I do not have one at present. I grew up in the Presbyterian faith.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it is a big business and funerals are for the living.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being so happy for her that she finally made it out of the physical
body.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
living life to the fullest of ones ability, no matter what the
physical condition is.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
there was no grief only relief for her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I wish I could have helped you die.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
What a crock.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Please let it be humane and dignified.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went camping and felt renewed by nature.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I realized that what we consider important really isn't.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Leave things in order.
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Sat Aug 5 18:56:36 2000
F31 in Cincinnati, Ohio =US=
Web: http://a_points.tripod.com
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I just love taking part of surveys and things like that.
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Prof/Studies: Sales Administrator
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
None
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
None
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 39.
--Details:
Died at the same age as my father.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Most people think death is the end, to me it's just the end of here
and the start of something else. The soul does not die, it goes on,
and we are reiencarnated in to this "earthly" plain until we have
learned all of the lessons we choose to learn, once we are done
with earth, we move on to other levels of learning.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know what death meant. I was only 2 when my dad passed on,
it wasn't until I was about 5 that the full meaning of it came
to me. Since then I have lost my brother, my first love, and my
closest Aunt and Uncle, and my grandmother.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was the death of my father, he was killed in Vietnam when I was 2,
exactly 2 months before he was coming home to retire.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
breaking down crying thinking it wasnt real, hoping I was dreaming
and would wake up.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is not an end, it is a continuance.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Death is a gift itself actually, we move on and evolve more each
time we do it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being visited by the soul that had past, and putting my feelings
in to poetry in dedication to each one that has gone on.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having them here anymore. Not being able to see them laugh and
smile or hug them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there and love them and let them know that the love to and
from each of us continues on, just as their soul does.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Never confused about it except for when my dad passed away, but
when your 2, things are confusing and your don't fully understand.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I've never laughed about death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hug and hold them one last time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
For one, you don't get over death, you just learn how to deal with
it. I cry a few times a year over different people that I miss that
are no longer here, and certain songs that remind me of certain
people make me think of them, and I cry just as hard as I did the
day it happened.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have spent much time with those that have gone on in my dreams,
I find it comforting.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
No, death is not fair, but it is a natural part of being alive
and having a soul. I mean, I think it's not fair that I never had
the chance to know my dad, that my kids never had the chance to
really know him either, but his soul goes on, and we feel him every
day. He's still here, but he's not. But we will be where he is one
day when it is our time to go.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go on and be with them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for forever and then as I always do, put everything I felt
in to poetry.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not enough to say the least.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a metaphysical believer. I belong to no affiliation. I belive
in God, in a supreme energy, and I belive we are all a part of
that energy.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
No matter what religion or culture you come from, there is but one
aim, one God and one purpose to being here on earth for the time
that we are.
--Regarding MONEY:
never was an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I will NOT have a funeral as such. I will be cremated, I want them
to gather together to say their good bye as they sprinkle my ashes
from a mountain top or in to the ocean, and I will NOT have a layout,
remember me the way I was, not as an empty shell.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being happy that they got to go on
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when the tell you they see or have talked to someone that has
already passed on
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
every ones grieving process is done in their own personal way,
we all deal with things differently.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
just about all of them had them, and it's totally natural in
my opinion.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I havent had any Near Death Experiences, but I've had MANY Out of
Body Experiences, my mother experienced and Near Death experience
when she had her surgery and when she almost went on while giving
birth to my sister.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with any of them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I've had many conversations with those in my life that have gone
on, I know my first love did finally get to see an ocean before
he passed on, they always comment about things going on in my life
and let me know what they think of things.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had visits in a dream state many times, enough so that I
wake up crying and I am physically shaken by the expierenece. My
dad also comes around, there is this certain smell you can smell
in the air and wherever he is standing so to speak, there is a
difference in the air temp big time.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I were going to die soon I would spend every moment I could
loving everyone in my life and letting them know how much I do.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I write poetry about what I feel, it helps to cope, heal and bring
closure.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
One or two.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies
I am a full believer in reiencarnation and I belive the soul goes
on forever, so he's not gone, he's just not in the "earthly" plain.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
all you can do is be there for them if they should need you, and
they may just want space at first.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
interesting
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Thu Aug 3 12:00:22 2000
F43 in Sacramento, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Manager
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 30 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 53.
--Details:
He had hidden his illness from my mother so it was a great shock
when he died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an ending and perhaps a beginning. The corporeal body stops
functioning and begins to decompose. No one really knows what
happens to the personality of the person called the soul. The soul
may also die but it may be released to another reality.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
pretended to care. My father was a violent and angry man. I was
relieved when he died, but I pretended to be upset. I focused
on supporting my mother and siblings because they seemed to be
really upset. I felt very guilty.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my father died when I was 13. He had a stroke.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother was devestated. She had three children at home under
the age of 18 and had never worked.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to comfort family members.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was freed from a violent man who beat my mother and terrorized
my siblings and me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my inner strength.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
guilt at my lack of feeling.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned I was strong enough to take the burdens my family could
not handle and still keep myself on track.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we were at the gravesite.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this did not happen to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
learn why my father was so violent and help him overcome this
problem.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep everything together and never let on I didn't care as deeply
as the others did.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my school class sent flowers and a card.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The funeral home visitations.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
this doesn't happen to me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would not be the person I am today. I am sure I would have been
a teenage run-away. My little brother would probably be dead.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I was working so hard to fool everyone about me feelings - this
was very difficult. The more I felt guilty, the less I felt.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget how bad it was before he died.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
did not have this problem.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did the best they could given the times.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
oppression, guilt, non-acceptance.
--Religious Affiliation:
Southern Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
absolutely right. I don't know what happens when we die, but I
do believe that the essence of the person moves on. Whether there
is a heaven or a hell is still a question to me. I hope that the
soul goes someplace that heals it of its wounds and prepares it
for whatever the next step is.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were destitute. My father was the sole income for our household.
We had to survive on SSI benefits.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the supportive nature of all the participants.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Saying goodbye to the corpse in the funeral home. I was expected
to kiss the dead body.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
don't know. He dies in a hospital in the middle of the night.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am still bitter about his actions when he was alive. I understand
the behavior now, but the little girl in me still doesn't think it
was fair for him to be that way.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want him to tell me that he loved me - it would help me by
letting me see the part of him that was normal.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have shared my wishes with my family. I do not want to live on
a machine as a vegetable. It there is no hope of recovery for me,
I want them to let me go. I do not want to be buried in a cemetary.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have faith that my sould will go someplace. Perhaps I will be
able to watch over my child and his family. Perhaps I will learn
the mysteries of the universe. I don't want to be put in the ground.
I would prefer to be cremated and spread to the winds.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Focusing on helping everyone else.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me see that I still have issues around my fathers death
to process, even after 30 years.
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Wed Aug 2 16:32:07 2000
M51 in San Francisco, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Doing a search on term "Bardo"
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Prof/Studies: Paralegal
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
"The Tibetan Book of the Dead," and a commentary thereon, the title
of which I do not recall.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 3/4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 50.
--Details:
This may sound very weird: A few months ago I suffered a massive
heart attack and the doctor told me that I had been, briefly,
"dead." I distinctly, vividly remember being outside my body,
however, conscious and self-identifying. This occurrence, whether
actual reality or some imaginary recollection of my own, is THE most
significant occurence dealing with death which I have experienced.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the permanent cessation of our bodily existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really understand what it all meant and implied.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother's brother died. I do not recall ever having met him.
One recollection I have was that my grandmother told me that he had
died because I had "rocked a chair empty." I felt rather frightened
about this. Remembering it after 45 years probably indicates that
it had *some* impression on me...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the assurance of continuity beyond physical cessation.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's gonna happen to everyone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I saw that extinction -- at least immediately -- was not a concern.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I had read and studied about Tibetan and other
Buddhist conceptions of death, its meaning, and the existence of
the After-Death State.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
loneliness for their company.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let him (or her) know that he is really and actively "in charge"
of the process, if not actually in control of its unrolling.
--[My Self (impending)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
We are utterly in control, if we can honestly abandon and absolutely
reject fear and an attachment to what we no longer need. We are
not "leaving everyting behind for a trip into the unknown"; we are
entering a new adventure and, if we but realise it, can make of it
what we will.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have become involved with a study of Buddhism, rather than expending
my energies on trying to fit into a mythology which was a source
of decades-long anguish for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn to become disattached from many of the material attractions
of this life, while still enjoying them and not feeling them to
be in anyway "bad" -- just temporary, and expedient to the time,
the place, and the need.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the idea that some power other than ourselves is sitting out there,
waiting to judge us on criteria that we never fully understood in
the first place.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I believe that relationships must end -- or at the very least change.
An eternal "now" (or "then") seems very unpleasant to me. I would
hope that my loved ones are now enjoying other existences, building
new memories and lives, and that, perhaps, we will someday meet
again and build a new and hopefully better relationship than the
one(s) before.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when the young are sent to their deaths by old men for the sake of
vainglory and petty "patriotisms." Or the innocent are killed for
the same "ideals" by some superpower which believes it has all the
right answers to every problem.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
start over again, with the knowledge I have today and with
substantially more strength of character, and try to avoid many of
the mistakes I made in past years.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
What an adventure they must be having!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a perversion of spirituality, covering the reality of life and death
with a frightening web of myth, fear and imaginary false hope and
unfounded fear.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past: Christian Current: Who needs one?
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Far closer to actuality than either "many mansions" or the choice of
"Fry or Fly"
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Lack of fear or dread. As I was having the heart attack, the
whole process was one of intense concentration and interest, like
studying a new topic of great interest. When it was over, I was
very surprised that I experienced no feeling of religiosity or even
deep concern at all. I was involved in the moment, and that was all.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I noted (apart from the physical discomfort and weakness -- which
was not in any way horrible or agonising) an intense and pervading
calmness. I've never felt so "centred" or mentally and spiritually
at ease.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
For myself, although I was "out" for only a few minutes, I didn't
experience any "vision" whatsoever. But I knew where I was (gone
from my body), that I was lucid and beyond pain (and I could see
perfectly clearly, which I haven't been able to do since I was a
teenager), and that it was my choice what happened next: go back
or move on.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Already did so -- in too much detail -- above. Sorry.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
This has never happened to me. Perhaps, because I never expected
it to.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I no longer worry about it. Though I have some concern that it not
be torturous. I hope that I am in full possession of my faculties,
and not in an excited or distracted state when it happens.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Now I try to keep my mind clear of any doubts or fears, knowing that
I could have another heart attack anytime. The next time I "pop out"
it may be for good and I want to have a positive mental attitude.
(I felt bad the last time, because I believed that I was putting
a burden on my co-workers by having to leave work with a massive
and very time-critical assignment on my desk.) Weird, huh?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
the concept of a "loving god" who, nonetheless, appeared utterly
implacable, volatile and heartless
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
If people ask me (and those who know about my heart attack do
sometimes ask questions) I try to explain to them that it wasn't
a horrible, frightening, awful experience. Rather, I try to
convey to them the very positive experience that I had, saying,
"It's really not nearly as bad as some people try to make us think."
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I can't be of much use to anyone who is grieving for a loved
one, I don't think. But I hope that my experiences may offer a
positive word or two to someone facing death. I would hate for
anyone approaching death to be terrified; it's not a bad thing,
in my experience, and the world will go on without us so there's
no need to feel guilty about leaving it behind.
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See Jul 00 contributions.
See Jun 00 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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