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Sun Apr 30 18:22:33 2000
F22 in Medford, NJ  =USA=
Name: Andi
Email: <banana2634=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  looking up the apa on yahoo

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Prof/Studies: Psych Major
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: an accident;   Aged: 37.

--Details: 
     when i was seventeen, i was on my way out on a date, and ran across
the scene of my mother's accident.  she died at the scene and was
taken from the scene by helicopter.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a temporary separation.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt lost and alone

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandfather died when i was in third grade.
	i had great-grandparents die before then, but i didn't know them
	well.  my grandfather died of cancer

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     alienation from my friends and family

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is going to happen to everyone, and children need to be taught
more about death

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that my mother died young, as she wanted to.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my spiritual beliefs, along with my psych professors.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     missing her constantly, knowing she won't be there for all of my
rights of passage into society.
  
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     accepted and dealt with the death.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i can't remember laughing
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     apologize to my mother for being such a hassle through my teen years

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     go on with my life, and be a better person, and help people going
through the same things.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i needed a friend, and others miscontrued the situation.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     who was around

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i think about her not being at my wedding, and that my kids will
never know their grandmom

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i think that i probably would be leading such a different life that
i can't even fathom the thought.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that my mother died so young, and yet there are people who live to
be one hundred with no quality of life.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     communicate with her.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     screamed and told the doctors that she couldn't be dead.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     satisfaction
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing, i don't believe in it
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     i am spiritual, but have no religious affiliation
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     right, true.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     i inherited
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     there were a lot of people, many of whom i had no desire to see.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     dealing with those that are still alive

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     i had to deal with it on my own, i couldn't talk about it
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 
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Sun Apr 30 17:19:24 2000
F18 in Lowell , MA  =US=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  was just looking through tests and stuff online

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Prof/Studies: student
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  three yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 63.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a time when a person physically is not capable of living on the
planet earth anymore.  instead they leave yet emotionally they stay
with us always.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     dropped the phone and screamed. And then I cried as I wrapped myself
in a ball under my covers.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was my great grandfather and i knew him
	really well. I used to stay with him all the time when I was little.
	When I found out I was about seven and I cried but I don't remember
	anything else about it.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how my mother looked when she was in the hospice and how my family
fell apart.

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That everyone deals with death in their own ways.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     is that it has taught me so much and is still making me learn after
all this time.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the people that gave me my space to deal with things on my own.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     having to face everyone that didn't see things the way I saw things.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Be as obseervant to everything.  The more you remember and make
the people around you remember about the good times and stuff the
better you and others will fell about leaving.
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     know what it is like to deal with things differently than people
want me to. It's hard but if it has to be done then so be it.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     my mother was becoming her most sick and I didn't want to see her
in the hospice.  However, my family wanted me to. I was confused
as to if I should listen to myself or them.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i'd do it all over agin if i had to.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     sing at the funeral.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     get through it without fighting with my dad.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     all these people cam to see my mother that didn't even know her
that well. They just came to see her out of respect.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     how relaxed everyone in my family was.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I meet new people and they don't know that my mother is dead and
I have to get inot things iwth them. It makes it real hard.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     it would certainally be a lot different. I can't imagine where I'd
be right now.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that shes dead and she was sucj a great person and others who aren't
so great are still going strong.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     bring her back for one day. Thats it just one day.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was calm yet unresponsive to a lot of important things going on
around me.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     is that they did the best they could.  My mom had been through so
much suffering that there was no point in trying anything else.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     at the point of hospice I had said my goodbyes and I was trying my
best to let go.  It was all I could do.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a little something, but actually after the death I kinda fell out
of religion.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     cathlioc
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     kind of in a daze.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we didn't have any.  It was hard and my father didn't help the
situation.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how many people cam in the two sessions we had.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     seeing my mother's body all done up for the open casket.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     when they start to give up.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it was easier to deal with things at my own pace and my own ways.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i don't know of any.
 
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     say this one little prayer while holding my mothers necklace
at night.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Keeping Busy 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Other: 
     meeting new people all the time that don't know about what deaths
have happened to me(my mom)
 
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Sun Apr 30 12:49:14 2000
F18 in Mesa, Arizona  =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother,  7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Sclleroderma;   Aged: 71.

--Details: 
     The disease she had did not take her quickly.  She had to be fed
through a tube and could never be left alone because she couldn't
care for herself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     A loss.  Regardless of how close or distant you were to the person,
they are gone and can never be brought back.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Wasn't quite a teenager yet.  She was very important in my life
and she died four days before my birthday.  Her funeral was the
day before.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandmother who I was very close to,
	died of a rare disease.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     All the big strong men in my life were crying and seemed so fragile.

--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Nothing.  They reacted very normally.  As tough as they had
always been to me, they knew the difference, and couldn't hide
their feelings.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     A sign that I asked for from my grandmother the day she died
happened, and made a huge impact in my life.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Reflecting on my life when she was alive.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Thinking about what I should have done when I had the chance.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     to hold their hand and let them know what they meant to you.
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     have learned to be strong.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 

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Sat Apr 29 00:14:27 2000
F22 in Redding, California  =United States=
Name: Victoria
Email: <bazelrat=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Certified Nurses Assistant
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter,   2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart complications;   Aged: 20 days old.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     painful. A loss of someone close.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried for days.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandfather. He died after complication
	with a stroke.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     My loss, but mostly my guilt.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The death of my daughter ended her pain.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The guilt of thinking it was my fault. The rage against everyone
around me, and the loneliness I felt (that I thought no one else
felt).
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Show your love.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was told she was dying. I kept wondering why. My child was loved
and treasured, when children that are not live.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I was out of my mind. The shock was still there.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     See her grow up.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see a baby, or a family. Around the holidays, or her birthday. When
life is getting stressful, I start thinking about her.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I'd be so happy. My whole life would be complete. I'd have my family,
and my mental health.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     Why should a loved child die, when a lonely child, with drug addicted
parents should live. Those children will feel no love from their
parents, but mine would have.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     tried to commit suicide. I couldn't handle any of it.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     great appriciation. They were so good to us, both my daughter
and myself.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     Who should up. Family I had not seen in years came to support me.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     guilt is the biggest problem, and so is acceptance.
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would like to hear her say she forgives me, and that she still
loves me.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     My best friend was pregnant at the same time I was. We never
spoke before and our situation (her child was stillborn) grew us
together. My husband now was just a friend when this all happened,
we grew very close after it all.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     I still don't deal with death well.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It stirred up feelings I've been hiding for a long time.

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Fri Apr 28 06:46:21 2000
M43 in CAPE TOWN, WESTERN CAPE  =SOUTH AFRICA=
Name: JIM THORNE JNR
Email: <deacsa=at=netactive.co.za>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  intentional search

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Prof/Studies: DEATH BE COUNSELLOR, BERAVEMENT COUNSELLOR AND DEATH EDUCATOR
 
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	i am not a reader of other peoples opinions
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	none, althopugh I met with dr Elizabeth Kubler Ross when in 1994
she was in South Africa, ans I participated in a fice day live
in workshop
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover,  6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS;   Aged: 26.

--Details: 
     Alone at home in my presence. I took care of him for 11 months after
having resigned my job to make myself available to do so. He was
bedridden for 6 months during which he tought me about death and
dying from his perspective. He arranged all his dedailed huneral
information, willl, testament and gave me instruction of how i
would feel and what I needed to do to make me cope with the void.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the spirit leaving the physical body simply because it is attracted
to the divine creative source. It is changing shape in a schanged
dimention (the fourth and fith)The soul has the ability to create
by means of thought form and permeates the universe.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     the first time was beautiful because I was priviledged to "see"
what was happening and just how it was happening and what happend
next on the other side. The departed spirit was with me until after
the day of the funeral when I gave it permission to leave. This
is a matter of choice and I do not always request permission to
witness this, after about 172 times it gets a little monotinous -
after having witnessed 172 actual deaths in my lifetime. Neither
am I too interested what happens next for many of those 172 people.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...both my parents were 15 children, thus I have
	30 Uncle and aunts with any number of nephews ans nieces. Both my
	parents aer the youngest of their respective siblings...meaning that
	when i was only three many of the above mentioned were dying, then
	of old age, illnesses suicide and homicide. I was dragged off to
	all these funerals since I was too young to be left at home, where
	I was frequently sexually abused in the absence of both my parents
	who were atending funerals. The better of both evils were to attend
	the funerals. No t just attending but participating tin the rituals
	and viewing and burials. I cannot remember who was first to go -
	I was too young and there were too many. However I would say that it
	was at age five when my mothers mother died of old age and pneumonia.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     remaining contact with the deceased and the inability to share
this with the loved ones hanging around because the were feeling
guilty. The would not understand what I was "seeing"

--What I think my (SOUTH AFRICA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     face your mortality and get on with your life, do not live in
the cemetary prematurely simply because you are too afraid on
on existing hell. Also to re-learn the significant simbology and
rituals of how and why we have fuerals. Fuck religion, but focus
on the SPIRIT and SPIRITUAL processes involved in dying, death,
transition and bereavement

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it changed and prepared my life in a way I could never have imagined.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the deceased themselves and participating in rituals that brought
closure.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     rejection and hatred from the family who did not/ could not honour
the wishes of the deceased
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     be there by being in the moment. Spiritually, physically, emotionally
and intelectually 101% commited. Learn rom what is being taught to
you by being involved in the process. Listen and hear betweeen the
lines of waht the dying are saying to you.
 
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Too much to write here, but now teach three day seminars on the
subject of dying, death, transition and berevement, am a fulltime
deathbed cousellor, funeral consultant for the bereaved, spiritual
counsellor, ordained priest in the World Order of MAlechizedek.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     it was all over and I had to get on with my bereavement process on
my own and living in the void.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     we are aloud to behave inappropriately, the question is inappropriate
according to whom!
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     explain to others what I knew and secretely hoped that they would
ask me. All contact have been broken at the graveside and have
never seen them again.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     understand with my spirit and accept with my heart the process in
its entirity.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     butterflies entered his room on the day that he died. When his
coffin was being lowered into the grave, butterfied decended upon
it. Today whenever I feel myslef thinking of him and missing him,
a butterfly decend upon me and I am instantaneously comforted and
loved by him and thank the uneverse for the reminder.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     i made myself available to prepare his body for burial and to spend
time with his bidy for four hours after he died. I could watch and
ovserve the changes in his apearance. I spoke to him and revceived
messageds from him during that valuable time.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i am frustrated that others cannot see what I see or believe that I
do. I have stoped trying to convince them - that is their process,
but I never stop hoping that others also would understand fully and
completely, because it would prevent so much sadness and turmoil
and inner soul searchings in the intelect that always land you up
in a cul de sac, but rather to experiencing everything emotionaly,
giving it a name and finding the source within yourself what it
comes from and why you are reacting to it in such an emotional way.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     nothing changes and yet every thing changed. he is not gone I just
cannot see him thats all, but the love bond has not been broken.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     never any thing of this sort.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     nothing of the kind
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     accepted the gift wrapped in thorns and began the inner journey
of discovering the true signifiance and meaning of the life and of
the death.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I do not know why people bother asking such questions. They are
medical people who lack understanding and training how to deal with
the dying - my true sentiments for them is pitty that they do not
let themselves come to terms with their own mortality which would
let them deal with the mortality of others is such a more effective
and efficient manner.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     shame, they never visited once even though they knew my name and
the address. the did send a card 6 months after the death requesting
a donation. Never attended the funeral.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     shit. confusing, arogant, judgemental, condecending, uncooperative,
unsupportive and preaching AIDS as a sin. Even if it is, the funeral
is not the place to be preaching about it. Only hell and condemnation
awaits him
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I do not do church, religion, but celebrate a consiously awareness
of SPIRITUALITY only.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     it resonates with me and of all the patients I have seen.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     there was no money. We did it ourselves and we were not prepared
to pay "professionals" to do the jobb for us.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the familily and friends were divided. It was understood and
accepted. They were there out of their own guilt feelings.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     nothin weird at all accept for the family who came down later.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     what the persons looks like, what they verbalise and what they
mean to say but don't. Listen and read between the lines and
though simbolic language the tell you the know they are dying,
when they are going to die and what they fear and do not fear and
what they look forward to and what it is like for them having to
struggle to keep their focus away from their body and keep it on
their spiritual destination.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     be where you are. you cannot hasten, prolong or postpone the
process. accept each day as it comes and when one day you look back
it will be like a nine day wonder. In time you will be like the
bride who at the end of her wedding vceremony and reception said:
it al went too quickly, I wish that we could do it all over again.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I know what you mean, I experienced it all and continue to do so
with every dying pareson i meet. What more can I say.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Do I have too. What is the point. The experience was given to me to
enjoy en learn by. I f others would only have let themselves open
to experience this, they too would be saying the same thing then,
not 5, 17 years later.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     no psychiatrist, psychologist could, you yourself need to do
the work and if you do not know how, then ask the universe or a
bereavment counsellor.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     we did and it was beautiful, nurturing and healing.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     amaxing, beautiful, encouraging affirming ones belief system and
becomes a way of life like sneezing. There is nothing strange
aobut it at all. In fact I believe that that is the norm and howe
it should be.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     Hoe does one know for sure what the deceased would have wanted if the
deceased dit not verbalise it, write it down and made it legal. My
next book would be titled: Dead people have families too" and would
decribe the horor stories of what families get up to after the so
called loved one had died.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I cannot wait for my own death and believe me I do not have
a death wish at all, but the process is so beautiful and the
journey magnificent and the destination incredible and beyond
human vocabulary. No adjective can describe the truth, one needs
to experience it.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     every night at 9 pm I light a candle and do a meditation for
the deceased and for the grieving loved ones who have remained
behind. Others have joined in with me and the energy is now
vibrating stronger and stronger. At one time a "so called mirical"
happened when as I was about to light the candle it began glowing
by "itself". I kew and accepted otherwise and thanked the universe
for the gift.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     yes of course, was that not the reason why we were given the
xperience in the first place, It is a question f integrating past
experiences to better the future.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     Most families who I see once amonth for thirteen months after
the sniversary of the death have become close friends and my true
extended family. Others have chosen not to and that fine with me -
for what ever reason.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    The Funeral 
     my belief that there is no death, only the body dies and the spirit
is released to where it once came from. One can never die alone,
there are always guardian angels with us from birth untill death
and beyond. It is because the spirit is taken from out of the body
that the bodie dies and death finaly occurs. The transition period
is not a zap moment but a gradual withdrawl.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 
     peoples inappropriate behaviour (to which they are allowd, simply
because the knew of nothing better.) and peoples attitudes to
death simply because they dit not understand the meaning neither the
significance of why they knew the deceased and was experiencing their
death. they lacked the sibolical, mystical and esoteric insight to
undestand and were trapped within their emotions
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     direct confrontation with the truth not presented by the so called
professionals who did not have a clue. Neither by friend or families
who came in the name of love and support and gave nothing else but
their own hidden agendas and playing emotional and psychological
games at and in a time when one was most vulnerable.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     adequate and induced re thinks

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     if you felt guilt, anger and remorse, what did you do about it,
how was it resloved or was it left for time to heal and we shall
wait for when next our button will be pushed so that it can all
surface again like a tumour.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 28 00:34:00 2000
Anonymous Guest  in ,  ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Quran and it is from Alah and never change . read more about ISLAM
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother,  10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Normal;   Aged: .

--Details: 
     read with open mind a bout ISLAM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     End of life and judment day is coming

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Mid-Life  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 
     you dying once


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    The Death Vigil 
     did you ask your self why god creat you and are you on the right way
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 27 07:15:01 2000
M16 in Grand Rapids, MI  =US=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
  Yahoo.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Student
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Aged: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...  My grandpa had a stroke when I was in
	seventh grade.  I wasn't sure exactly what it was, but I had a
	good idea after my mom told me.  He died 3 days later after being
	in a coma, and my grandma and family elected to "pull the plug",
	since he would not be the same and we didn't feel he would be happy
	living the life he would've had. 

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     I wish I would have said I loved them more, and told them how much
I appreciated them.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     see him the week of his death.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     They told me they felt bad.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Some way to explain it, make it clearer, and to give me a sense of
knowing what he is going through now.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     United Methodist
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     How many people there were.  They had to put folding chairs in the
narthex of the church, and how respected he was.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 
     Our pastor helped, too.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    The Funeral 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 27 06:45:53 2000
F47 in Euless, Tx  =USA=
Name: Sue Lucas
Email: <Slucas=at=banksourcemtg.com.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Mortgage Underwriter
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	The Bible
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter, Paul, Timothy
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle,  17 ago.
Cause of Death: fell out of a tree;   Aged: 60.

--Details: 
     He was trimming the branches on an old tree in his front yard and
fell and busted his head on the sidewalk. It was quite tragic.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     When the soul leaves the body

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a second cousing of mine died of crib death
	in infancy.  I just remember him looking very peaceful in his
	casket. I was sad because he was so tiny.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     It was such a shock which no one was prepared for. I was and continue
to be worried about his eternal soul although my aunt(his widow)
believes that he is in Heaven.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That there is an eternal life which must be dealt with in this
earthly life.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That I was able to spend some time with my uncle before his tragic
accident

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My Saviour,Jesus
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not having them around physically anymore
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Touch their face, hold their hand, laugh with them, talk of pleasant
memories and talk to them about Jesus
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I have complete confidence in the salvation of my grandmother and
that she is with the Lord in Heaven

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     My uncle was taken so tragically. I sorta blamed God for I feared
that my uncle had not realized eternal salvation yet.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Have an in depth conversation with my uncle about his salvation.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Visit with him before the tragedy occurred
 
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     When my uncle died

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Prayed that my uncle had accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour prior
to his untimely death.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     people meeting together in one accord to worship their Lord and
Savior, Jesus Christ
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Nazarene
 
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     My aunt says she saw my uncle one night after he died.  I don't
believe it was really him.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I'm afraid of how I may die.  I hope it doesn't hurt cause I am
a pantywaste. But I am not afraid to die because I know I will be
with Jesus for all eternity.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     Understanding that there is an afterlife with an eternal God.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 
     Not so much fear of death as fear of how I will die.
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was okay

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 25 17:03:48 2000
F46 in , mich  =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
  browsing

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: psychology
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	The Bible
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	The Apostles
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother,  30 years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown to me;   Aged: 80.

--Details: 
     it was very traumatic to see my family deal with this

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the passing of our souls to our eteranl Father in heaven, where we
will never feel pain ever again.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was shocked, I didn't know how to act.

--That first time, how it happened was
     It was my mom's mom who had passed away.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     what a vibrant person this use to be. How this one had affected so
many people in so many ways.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     we all return to the Father.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     our heavenly Father has already paved the way with HIS own blood

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the way he allowed me to find HIM.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     never seeing them again in this life
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     support of the smallest magnitude is better than none
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     realized that her passing was the last piece of the puzzle, as far
as my accepting adulthood. I am 46 y.o., and as long as a parent is
alive, your always a kid. When they die, you lost the nucleus. Seeds
scattered in the wind.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I allowed the unknown to master my thoughts

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     she left some good thoughts with me
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell her how much she really meant to me, somehow we think the day
will never come......

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be there when she passed
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     she told the nurse she would die that morning
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     was she in pain? Did that really matter? She was in a coma.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I know I  won't see her in this world

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     would it matter? We all have a choice.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     nothing is fair

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Not anymore, I rely upon the FATHER for that, and life itself
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried, her pain is over and she is with the MASTER

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they are useless, they have no clue to what death and dying is
really like.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     it wasn't
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     new life
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     he is always  with me and you, do you know that?
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     my older sister ended up with almost everything. If this brings
her closer to what she has lost, so be it. It will never replace
the loss. How foolish she must feel.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the terrible cold

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     how my sisters acted, strange...all they cared about was getting
the house out of her name and into one of theirs. Amazing isn't it?

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     their soul, is it in the right place? The body is just a shell. Is
their soul with The Almighty?

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     GOD is the only answer
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     there are angels, we each have one. And if you listen close
enough......you can hear them breathing
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     yes, me
 why do you suppose I say these things? I don't know anything
that will change someones beliefs. You have to go there and see it
for your self.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     `I love her, nothing will ever change that

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     no not that I'm aware of

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     that I cared for my fellow man

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I hope it is a joyful reunion with The Almighty

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     prayer

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     no

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     none new, however it may be a closing door to my sisters. Material
objects are not a must in the Almightys book.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Religion/Clergy 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 
     fear of the unknown
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was beneficial to some degree. It made me think of how small we
all are, and how short of time we all have.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     no, it was okay

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 24 21:06:32 2000
M21 in , California  ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
  just browsed

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Theology student
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Mere Christianity, The Holy Bible both Old and New Testament
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	C.S. Lewis
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather,  12yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 80.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     waking up from this current dream stated. It is when we become
alive and close to God.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was fine about it.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great0grandfather died.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     it was sad because the woman was young and lived an immora,
Godless life.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is not to be feared, if your right with the Lord.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Without death, there would be no life.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     The Bible
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     seeing immoral people die.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Have them forgive there enemies.
 
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     loved them.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     was never confused.

--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     Hospice was very considerate of the family's and patient's needs.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     There really is no religion. Either you are Christian or not. It
doesn't matter what you say, but how you live everyday.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Christian
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 
     Death should be embraced and celebrated
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 24 20:41:17 2000
F19 in willenhall, westmidlands  =uk=
Name: saab
Email: <pk082122=at=i.stmail.staffs.ac.uk>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Through yahoo

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: llb law
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  2 ago.
Cause of Death: stroke;   Aged: 57.

--Details: 
     it happened suddenly without warning

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of our human existence.  The physical self ceases to exist
however the soul reincarnates itself into something else in the
endless circle of life and death.  Death being the most certian
and natural thing of all.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Knew my father was going to die although people didn't want to
belive that.  I realised that being dependant on one person for
everyting is not good.  People need to learn to be independant and
stand on there own to feet.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my father had a stroke and then died a week
	later in hospital due to an undetected bloodclot i his lung

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     That all the things my father told me about the people you can
trust and those that you cannot came true.

--What I think my (uk) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      the best advice is that there is no advice

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my independance

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my little brother because of his wilingness to talk to me
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the fact that everyday i misss my father.  Everyday ithink about
him and wonder what he'd been doing and saying if he were alive.
Everytime I acheive something he is'nt there to share it with me,
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     every momoent is prescious.  Don't waste it on your own fears of
not wanting to see a dying person because you don't want to see
them in that way.  You 'll never forget what they were like but do
you want to live with the guilt and the pain of never saying goodbye
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     don't hide ever how you feel.  Don't let people push you around.
You get one shot at life so why waste it being afraid.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     how quickly everthing happens from the death to the funeral no time
to think

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I laughed at the peolple howling at ny fathers wake.  It amused
me that people at a time like this do anything to get attention.
Some would try to top my fathers death with there own stories of loss
dramatising every little event to make this death seem insignificant
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     i think maybe i could have prevented my fathers stroke.  Whenever i
hear about the latest medical breakthroughs i think maybe

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     often i dreamened about my father i still do. u wake up and u think
he's still here and then u remeber but fot that little moment theres
a feeling of normality
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     petty things like my father not being around to see me married that
some how he was selfish in dying

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     im a more emotional person now.  soppy movies make me cry when
before they did not, small childrn playing does somthing to me but
i feel more in touch with my self

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i do think like that but now i try not to because whats the point
it only upsets me so i remeber the good times

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     it's not fair but thats life

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     maybe when im older the feelings will get worse my father will
never see me graduate from university he'll never hold my children
who nows what the future will bring
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     how can you understand death yes it happens we all die but who
truly understands it?

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they didn't want to tell us anything they see greiving famillies
everday so they have to detach themselves from the pain and the
angusi or how else would they do there jobs
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     im a sikh and also asian my belifs helped me cope with loss in the
sense that it happens to us all i belive in life after death so i
belive because my father was a very good man he went to a good place
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     sikh
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     there is something there i dont now what but sometimes i feel my
father around me something happens my belif is reincarnation and
evetual freedom for this cycle i don't think there is a heaven or
that one day we will be judged
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     not important
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     too many peolple there i felt like i was on show

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     seeing my fathers dead body he looked so peacful i didnt expect this

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     cry scream shout don't hold it in
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     dreams
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     i don't think near death experiences happen how can u nearly
experience death ur either deador not
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     i would thank him for making me the person i am

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     dreams of my father reasuring me everthing was going to be fine

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     i know im going to die this doesnt scare me its the process of
dying that does

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     writing letters and poems to myself
 talking alot about my father
also helps

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     more confident more willing to take risks and try new things.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    People's Stories, etc. 
     people would attempt to belittle the feelings I had for my father
by impling that i didn't truly understan what death was.
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     just being able to talk or write down what im thinking
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 24 16:50:38 2000
F41 in robinson, il  =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Mental Health therapist
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Life beyond Life, Death as a fact of Life, Embraced by the Light
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  yrs ago.
Aged: 16
--Details: 
     A close friend of my son's, (and mine), completed suicide in
March of last year.  He had used our home as a refuge from a
dysfunctional family environment and called me mom.  The suicide
was not unexpected, but extemely traumatizing for many people,
including my family and me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a loss of a loved one, which makes the ones left behind sad and
sometimes distraught.  In reality, death is a part of living, the
final part.  It scares us because of the unknown aspect of what
lies beyond life as we know it.  I like to believe that there is
an afterlife, but, as an educated person, I have a difficult time
integrating creation and evolutional theories.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt confused because I was too young to understand the concept.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was 5 years old when my grandmother died of
	a sudden heart attack.  I remember being upset because both my dad
	and mom were crying.  I also remember my grandfather crying and I
	begged to go to the funeral.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the shock on everyone's face and the deep sense of reponsibiltiy
and self-blame I felt.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is NATURAL and not to be feared.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my mom suffered from coronary heart disease for many years,
went through 2 open-heart surgeries and many other operations.
When she died, it was a blessing for her and a relief for her family.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the realization that there is a part of my dead loved ones in every
part of nature, including me.  I totally believ that all things
are connected by a universal spirit.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     letting go of my own anger toward myself and turning the anger
toward the person I was actually pissed at.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     listen without judging or placing your values upon the dying person.
What the person wants more than anything is to feel accepted and
understood.
 
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     sat quietly by and listened as my mom asked me which method of
death she should coose; having surgery and dying in the hospital or
staying home and dying of blood poisoning from poor circulation.
I responded that I couldn't make the choice for her, but I would
support her decision 100%.  I have since sat with an aunt dying from
cancer and was told that she looked forward to my visits because
she could say how she really felt and I didn't argue with her.
I have also been a hospice volunteer and will complete my Master's
in Community Counseling soon.  Basically, I learned that I have a
talent for listening and responding in a positive manner.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was told that my dad had died and I believed it was my mom.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it is a completely "normal" response to stress and can be healthy,
as long as you allow yourself to grieve and to release the anger,
sadness, and other painful emotions as well as the humor of the
situation or of the memories.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell the young man who completed suicide that I was sorry that I
couldn't change his life and make it more bearable for him.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be here for almost 60 of the boy's friends.  Many of his friends
and acquaintences came straight to our home when they heard of
his death.  It is rewarding to know that the kids feel comfortable
here and had a place to support one another.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     food!!!  What's up with that?

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I think of the terrible waste of a young life.  This boy was an
extremely big-hearted guy, was the leader among his friends, and
was full of potential.  It is overwhelming at times.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I truly believe that this would have happened in any dimension.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that someone so young had to suffer so much pain.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     forget it.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was completely pissed off.  I was angry at the deceased, myself,
"God", and everyone else.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     As far as my mom's death is concerned, a very special doctor took
the initiative to give my mom and us the choice of receiving more
medical intervention or an injection of a pain killer.  I admired
him for giving us that option.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     thankful to be a part of the final moments of a patient's life.
It was a moving and rewarding experience.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     not to me, but was a very important aspect for many people in all
of the deatths I have experienced.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     methodist growing up, but I am now affiliated with no organized
religion.  I have an affinity for Buddhism.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     exactly right.  I consider myself to be spiritual as oppossed
to religious.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we paid for the funeral and divided everything equally.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the comfort of knowing that others cared about my parents, etc.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     perfectly normal.  I have always felt I have had contact with
the deceased shortly after the death, whether it be a "vision", a
"voice", or a dream.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     no appetite, loss of speech, turning blue, coldness of the
extremities, shallow breathing.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     shock is much less severe in an anticipated death.  Denial plays
a much larger part in unexpected situations.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     my mom did not do anything at the time of her death, but she had
dreams throughout her life which predicted the deaths of those
around her.  a few weeks before she died, she dreamed of being with
my dad, who had died a year earlier.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     My brother-inlaw was shot in the head at the age of 22 and has told
me of his journey through the tunnel toward the light.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I am still somewhat angry at the suicide victim, but it has faded a
great deal within the past 4 months.  I talk to my support system
and my collegues to clarify and validate my emotions toward the
victim, his family, and myself.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would like to say I'm sorry for his pain and I would expect him
to tell me that It's not my fault.  I would al;so tell him I love
him and miss his sweet smile and honery eyes!

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I have always had contact wioth lost loved ones in some form shortly
following their deaths, but 4 years after my mom died I had an
ectopic pregnancy and my mom came to me in a dream and told me that
I would be fine but the baby wouldn't be.  She was right!

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I hope that my family will honor my advance directives should I
die following a long illness.  I also hope that my wish to be an
organ donor will be honored.  Music and poetry at the funeral,
and a prayer or 2 for my traditionally religious family members.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I feel fairly comfortable with death, even my own.  Although I hope
to live many more years, I hope to have the opportunity to see my
grandchildren and to help more people deal with all aspects of life,
including the loss of death.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Walking outside was important at first, as was having intmate contact
with my partner in order to feel "alive".  Writing a letter to the
dead person is a great way to discover my deepest feelings and to
create closure.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I have talked about my feelings morwe openly since the death of
my parents.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     Since the suicide, I have had a regular entourage of young people
who come to talk to me about their feelings about the deathand about
their lives.  This is beneficial for me as I am a counseling student.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I have told of how I have helped others.  I wish people would
learn that "I'm Sorry"  is enough and know when to shut up.
Stupid questions are also annoying.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     As someone who has spent many years working through the grieving
process, this survey did not bring up as many painful emotions
as I expected.  I believe it is healthy to share your story with
others and helps bring about resolution.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 23 18:52:49 2000
F17 in lindsborg, kansas  =us=
Name: marisha
Email: <natural_treble_01=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: music education
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister,  10yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia;   Aged: 9.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the most difficult situation god helps us deal with.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 7 and my sister was 9.  She was my best friend.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...She was my nine year old sister and i was
	seven.  She died of pneumonia.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     arguing, arguing, arguing.

--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     heaven is a beautiful place.  They are there, not on this polluted,
wretched, earth.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     she raised her hand to take gods hand.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     friends and family
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the realization they are no longer there.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     expressing how much you love them.
 
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     try to find the good times we had.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I saw her dead.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and cried and cried and cried hysterically

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Talking to People 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 
     nightmares
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 22 15:12:40 2000
F21 in Vancouver, BC  =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: anthropology/waitress currently
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: hypothermia;   Aged: 23 yrs.

--Details: 
     horrible accident

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the body not working anymore. A complete and permanent loss of
consciousness

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     felt scared, knowing that I would one day have to die also.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My aunt died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the moment I was told of it.

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it happens to everyone, and to young people. No one is too
young to die. Everyone that is born must die. It is not a secret.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Peace is the ultimate satisfaction

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     thinking about it, all by myself.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     that this could also happen to me.
  
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     am slowly but surely recognizing the fact that everyone has to die,
and perhaps it's not as horrible as we think.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I realized I would never see this person again.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     we must laugh
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     hang out, just one more time.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     avoid going to the funeral
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I don't know
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     People think it's important to speak in high regards of the dead,
but that's not always necessary or appropriate.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I mistake a stranger for that person.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     It would not differ greatly.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that she was not able to pass on her genes.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     know what happens when we die.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt better about it than when it had seemed unreal.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     I don't know.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Raised Catholic. Unbeliever.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     confusing and forlorn.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     n/a
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     that I didn't go.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     wondering when it's my turn.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Serenity

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     You must think as well as talk.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't believe in this sort of business.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     This happened to one of my highschool teachers. She told us about
it as a warning to be good and not sin. It scared the crap out
of me at the time, but now I'm not even sure if I believe it was
anything more than a hallucination. It would have to happen to me
for me to form a real opinion on this particular phenomenon.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     n/a

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would hope to hear from them that death is a sweet release. And
that we all meet again after death, something like that.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     Nothing like this has ever come close to happening to me.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I don't know.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I think about dying frequently. Not to the point that it is
obsessive, but perhaps a lot more than others. Associated with these
thoughts are confusion to do with religion and an afterlife. I'm
scared to die. I wish I wasn't.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Reminding myself, calmly, that we all must die, and that life is
not fair, and that not too much is energy is to be wasted on these
inevitabilities.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I must find out why people believe in an afterlife.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     No.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I tried to remain calm and accepting, and set an example for others
to follow suit.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was all right.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     If you could be certain that there was an afterlife, how would it
affect your life at present?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 20 23:03:17 2000
F25 in ,   ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  almost a year ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;   Aged: .

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when the body shuts down and no longer functions.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't understand it

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...It was one of my aunts. I attended her funeral,
	but I don't think I really had a grasp of what was going on. I kept
	expecting her to sit up.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how bad I felt for my grandmother. She had lost her beloved
husband. I cried more for her than anything else.

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it is not the end

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it certainly brings a family together.

--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     seeing my grandmother suffer from her loss
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     don't act scared and show them how much you love them
 make sure
you say everything you've always wanted to tell them and didn't
don't leave anything unturned so that later on you won't be saying
"I should've.."
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     see him more often

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that people have to suffer

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I still don't think any of it has hit me
 It never seems real to me

--Religious Affiliation:
     I believe in a higher power
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     my grandmother

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     There was a song book that sat on my Grandmother's organ. It had
sat open to the same page completely undisturbed for years. On the
day of my Grandfather's funeral the page was turned to a song that
talked about always watching over you. No one had touched the book
and it wasn't the wind.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I feel that the whole funeral process is a waste of money. I feel
that cemetaries are a waste of space. I want to be cremated. The
funeral is more for the living than the person who died. The
person is dead. Why would they care if they have the satin pillow
in their coffin. I think that the funeral parlors take advantage of
the grieving family members. People are very vunerable at this time.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I think that I would be afraid. I just don't want to
suffer. Suffering is what I am most afraid of. I hope to die quickly.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 19 12:04:04 2000
Anonymous Guest  in ,  ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: Congestive heart failure;   Aged: 72.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandfather died from heart disease.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     I dreamed the night before his wake that he came and told me that
we'd be OK and that he was OK.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Abandonment 
     There have been any people in my life that have been there one day
and gone the next, ie, father, best friends (moving).  I'm always
afraid that when someone I love leaves for the night that  that'll
be it and I'll never see them again.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 19 11:25:11 2000
M26 in Vancouver, BC  =Canada=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Programmer
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	Interview with the vampire,( Anne Rice); Memories, Dreams,
Reflections (Carl Jung)
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: emphysema;   Aged: 76.

--Details: 
     He was a heavy smoker all his life; emphysema was the
 cause of
his death.  He asphyxiated in his sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     what happens when your body is so damaged that everything
 stops
working and it begins to rot.  This inevitably
 happens to us,
because there's no evolutionary pressure
 for longevity.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     wondered how I was supposed to react.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My grandfather died when I was 14.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the trauma of my mother, who was most upset for quite
 a long time.

--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's inevitable; there is no point putting off the
 inevitable by
restraining pleasure in order to prolong
 life.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the way in which all the bad things about that person
 suddenly
seemed to be forgotten.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the realization that, for him, life had become miserable
 and this
was a blessed release from pain.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the suffering of those who knew him longer and better.
  
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     have lost most of my fear of death

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     this did not happen to me.  It was a serious time.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     speak with him first.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     console my mother.
 
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     He would be in great pain, and I would think of that often.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     but it is fair: we all die.  The unfairness comes in life,
 not
in death.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     revised my view of the world to exclude him.  Cruel, I
 know,
but life is for the living.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     too much effort in prolonging life, not enough on
 making it better.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing at all
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     none
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Religious beliefs help people deal with and accept the
 deaths of
others and their own impending deaths.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     there were no major issues or conflicts.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     It was a good way to come together and be strong together
 in a sad
(as most of them perceived it) situation.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     That I was happy for him.

--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I do not believe that there is an other side.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I have not had, and do not know anyone who has had, 
 such an
experience.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     Death is a resolution.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would hope for that person to say that his suffering
 had been
relieved.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     It has not happened.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     You should have the right to die in whatever reasonable
circumstances you want, with the people present that you
 want,
with the palliatives you want, with the medical
 measures that you
want, in the surroundings you want.
 
 For myself, I would want to
be hearing music from 
 Wagner's Ring.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I have given much thought to it.  I am rather foolish 
 in the way
I cross roads, for example.  But I do not 
 mind the possibility
of death.  What scares me is pain.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I simply reflected on all the sparkling variety of the
 world and
its transience.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     An awareness of the possibility of death is a great
 incentive to
enjoy life.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     No.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I have trouble helping people with coping, because my
 view of
death is generally divergent from theirs, and
 an expression of my
opinion can be distressing.  I have
 to try to sincerely say the
right thing for them, though 
 I do not necessarily believe it.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     A large number of questions seemed predicated on the
 belief that
death of other people around you is 
 necessarily a major upheaval.
As far as I'm concerned,
 it is no more significant that, say,
losing touch with
 someone.  (of course, if that someone is integral
to
 your life, this can be quite disturbing, but not to the
 extent
that death is assumed on this site to be).
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 18 21:21:46 2000
F36 in Camdenton, Missouri  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  Checking out psychology search sites

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Legal Assistant
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	On Death and Dying
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Elisabeth Kulber-Ross, M.D.
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  3 mos. ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure;   Aged: 91.

--Details: 
     Visible deterioration of physical abilities over period of several
years,

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the passing of our spirit and goodness to a better place/higher
plane. Our physical bodies are the vehicle God gives to us so that
others may easier relate to our spirits.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was very young, and not completely understanding of it. Just told
that I would no longer be able to visit with that person in their
physical sense, only spiritual.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...great-grandmother passed away from natural
	causes.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how comfortable my grandfather was with death, due to his complete
knowledge that God had wonderful plans for him in His kingdom.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     not all peoples religious understandings make them comfortable with
death. Age is something that makes a difference in how individuals
handle death.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when my time comes, I know my grandfather will be in Heaven waiting
to greet me and guide me on a greater spiritual journey than can
be experienced in a physical manner.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my family's spiritual convictions and beliefs.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not having that person to physically talk to, touch, hug, or say
"I love you".
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     N/A
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     knew how much we both cared about and loved each other.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Not being able to touch the physical body, eventhough the body is so
associated with the person, knowing the spirit is what truly matters,
knowing that the last touch is forever gone, due to my confusion.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     alot of us (ages 20 to 45 group) were remembering and talking about
the fun things that our grandfather used to do and say, especially
at family reunions.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Visit one more time, as I had promised, but was not able to rearrange
my life schedule to do so.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be a part of the entire family's grieving process. It was a great
comfort to all of us (80 out of 90 family members) to be able to
share that experience together.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     a few of us wore red, my grandfather's favorite color.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     a life pictorial of the deceased.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I go to visit my grandmother.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't think about that. Watching the physical deterioration of
my loved one was not something that could be dreamed away.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     N/A

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     do more to help my grandmother with her loss, as I believe she lost
the most.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     so wished that I had been there at the time of passing.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     complete gratitude.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     N/A
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Church was/is a vehicle to help with the transfer of the spirit to
Heaven, and a support to the family/friends in that transfer.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Christian
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     We are all children of God and he loves us all. We are entered onto
earth to enrich the lives of others in some way, and when our time
comes to leave this earth, it is finish the plan that God intended
for us all along.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     It was never an issue with this death.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     How many people's lives my grandfather had truly touched.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Watching my brothers and cousins (pallbearers) carrying the coffin
down the church stairs, and hoping they wouldn't drop it.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     When physical deterioration is apparent and gradual, nothing
particular stands out. Mental capabilities were never affected.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     accepting the death at the beginning makes it easier to cope with
the entire situation.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I was especially grateful, as one of my grandfather's "visions"
was of me. I felt very special to him that I was "there" with him.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     N/A
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I have no unresolved issues. Our relationship was honest and loving
throughout.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Just talk like we always had. Visiting and saying "I love you". No
specific feelings to deal with now.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     My grandmother was "visited" by her mother several years ago. I
don't have any way to describe it, except that I know it scared
my grandmother.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     A person's body is their own. I know that my wishes would be carried
out because of my beliefs and my family's understanding of them.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     At my current age, I am not ready to die. If I knew I would die soon,
I would spend that time with my daughter and mother, as they are
the most important people in my life. I would hope my death would
be painless and quiet.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I took pictures at the funeral, kept the order of service, memorial
notice, and flowers/plants from the gravesite. These things help
remind me of the incredible gift that I had in my grandfather.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     N/A

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     None.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 
     Religious beliefs


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     Listening to others and being listened to. Being there to hold a
hand or provide a hug, and receiving those things in return.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I think this questionnaire is well put together. I didn;t need to
re-think my feelings. They are the same, and I don't think they
will ever change much.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     N/A
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 17 11:43:38 2000
F25 in King, North Carolina  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: legal assistant
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer;   Aged: 65?.

--Details: 
     He went into the hospital when I was at school (sophomore in h.s.) &
I remember calling the hospital during my lunch break to find out
how he was doing.  The nurse told me he'd died earlier that day.
Somehow, it didn't seem real.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The non-existence of a body & soul anymore.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 16.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandfather died when I was 16.  He had
	had lung cancer for a long time & had lost 3/4 of one lung by the
	time he died (1991). Up until his death, he had to walk around w/
	an oxygen tank stuck to his nose.  Knowing that he didn't have to
	deal with that anymore made his death easier.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     missing my grandfather's voice.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that it doesn't matter what happens to the body (big fan of
cremation here).  The SOUL is what matters.  Miss the soul, guard
the soul...don't worry about the outer shell.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I've lived to see 25 years of the world's orbit.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     knowing my grandfather (D-pa) was still watching over me.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not being able to call him when I needed help w/ my math homework,
or not being able to just goof around with him at his house.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     remember that they want to be remembered for what they did when
they were ALIVE (really alive), not that they died.  Keep them
smiling...it eases the pain to not have to think about dying.
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     am mortal.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I didn't understand how serious his cancer was.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I remembered his humour & his ability to make me laugh.  It was kind
of like reminiscing upon a joke he'd once told & just cracking up
all over again.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     make sure he knew that even though he was our "step-" grandfather,
he was the only grandfather I'd ever known (the other 2 were dead
when I was born) and that I loved him very much.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know him.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I saw him in the casket.  It made me so sad b/c it was then that
I knew he was dead.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     his life insurance policy.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I'm filling out a survey on death.  (Yes, I'm crying now)

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't know.  He may not have approved of my sexuality, but somehow,
I think he would have dealt with it far better than my grandmother
(who is still living) has.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he left us before he could be there to guide me through other
life decisions!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     talk to him again.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried.  A lot.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they should have let us know more about his situation.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     that I should have HAD contact w/ hospice.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing.  I didn't follow a religion then.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Current = Wicca.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     that my grandfather has already been reincarnated.  I don't know
that, but I somehow hope he's waiting for me to meet him up there,
guiding me from the heavens.  Who knows?  As long as he's happy,
dancing around & cracking the Rat Pack up!!!
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it didn't have anything to do w/ me.  I have a picture of my
grandfather & some silver dollars he once gave me.  That's all of
the tangible things he ever gave me.  But what I'm grateful for,
is his memory.  That's the best thing he could have left me.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the casket.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     not being able to call  him when I wanted to call.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     blue face.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it took awhile to realise that it was real.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't believe in that kind of process.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     Nothing like that has ever happened to me and it never will, b/c
I don't believe it exists.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     We were on good ground when my grandfather died.  I have no regrets,
other than not visiting him more often.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I could remember his voice better & his laugh.  I can't remember
his laugh.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     N/A

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I work for an attorney who prepares wills.  I know the importance
of having one.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I just don't want to lose my "memory" when I die.  Your memory/soul
is all that you have that will live on after dying. (At least,
in MY opinion)  Although I believe in reincarnation, I don't want
to forget about my previous lives.  Since this is my 1st life,
I'm okay.  So far.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Meditation.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     No.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     No.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 
     I never should have seen the body.  He didn't look real.  I would
rather remember him with life in his body, not death in it.
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     If someone had held me & comforted me.  My parents were never very
good at being affectionate.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It made me cry.  Made me remember D-pa.  Made me sad, but
still...it's good to remember ppl.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     No.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 15 18:42:34 2000
F43 in little rock, ar  =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident;   Aged: 17.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     a painful experience which takes you with it.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was too young to understand.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...grandfather died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that my daughter is not here.  There are reminders of this
everywhere.  My life consists for before and after now.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that a person does not get over it in two weeks.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that I was fortunate to know and love my daughter for 17 yeras.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my therapist and a bereaved parents support group.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     how can i pick one?
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     my daughter's death was sudden.  I do not know about being there
for a dying person.  I did not have that chance.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     about 6 months later.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     did not happen
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell her I loved her one last time.  To tell her how proud of her
I was.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     n/a
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I walk into her room and touch her things.  Or see a car drive
down the street that looked like hers.  Or here a song.  Or see
my nieces and nephews, her friends, see their accomplishments
and wonder what my daughters would have been.  I am happy for my
nieces and nephews, her friends, I am not sad they share with me,
I am sad for what might have been.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     The difference would be that my daughter would be alive.  She would
experience life.  She would graduate high school, college.  She
would laugh, smile, talk to me.  She would accomplish her dreams.
Maybe, I would have a grandchild.  The list goes on.  BUT the most
important fact would be that she would be alive and striving towards
her dreams.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I should not have let her spend the night with her friend.  It should
have been me.  I am older.  It is not right to take someone so young.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I know my daughter is not longer here.  I can not accept the fact
that her life was taken abruptly.  I can not accept the death of a
child. I can not accept the death of my child. I know it happened.
I just do not accept it.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     no comment on the first hospital.  The second hospital has my
unyeilding trust and respect.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     protestant
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     money was not an issue
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     that Jennifer was loved by so many.  The number of young people
there.  The lives she touched.  The lives she still touches.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     the stages of grief are one step forward, two steps back.  Two steps
forward, one step back. The stages of grief are not set in stone.
They are not as easy as 1, 2, 3.  You do what you have to do.
To hell with the stages.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     My daughter's great grandmother saw Jennifer.  She was dying.  She
told us Jennifer came to visit her and they just talked and laughed.
That was so like my Jen.  Jen was there.  I was glad for Granny.
I was also jeolous.  I hated the fact that Granny got to she her.
But I knew it was Jen.  She always made her Granny laugh.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     these issues can only be resolved when I see her again.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would ask her if she is ok?  Tell her I love her and that I
miss her.  I would give anything to be able to put my arms around
her and fell her arms around me.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     it does not bother me.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well
     i was kept away from the whole scene.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 13 16:04:10 2000
F25 in Vancouver, WA  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend,  3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 23.

--Details: 
     Alcoholic friend ate a bunch of pills. 
 His health was in jeopardy
(liver problems). He just broke up with fiance, and got his 3rd DUI.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The cells of the body stop functioning. Because the body no longer
is getting oxygen.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Was in shock. Very curious

--That first time, how it happened was
     Girl in neighborhood run over by car

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     How much of a waste a human life can be.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     Inevitable

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     You examine your own life, and make changes for the better

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Friends/Boyfriend to talk to about the situation
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     What could I have told them before they died. I wish I could have
communicated with them
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Be positive
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I questioned the existance of an afterlife

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     let them know I love them. I want reassurance that they know how
I feel about them

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Be there for everyone else
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the rain stopped and the sun was shining, You realize the cycle of
life/nature and it is all part of a process
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     Faith in God

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear a song, or hear a similar story about someone else

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that people must struggle through this

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     erase it from my memory
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Cried

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     A new beginning
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     catholic/christan past athiest
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     wonderful, it almost is like everyone needs to experience death to
fully understand the spiritual feelings
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     concern

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Feeling the existance of his spirit around me

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I want to know how he thought I felt about him.
 I want to make
sure he knows that I really cared about him and felt he was smart,
outgoing, and a good likable person. 
 I want god to help me
with that

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     He understands that we understand

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     He shows up as a vision in my mind and tells me liners example 
 
I'm Ok!
 It's all right!
 Don't worry about this, I will take care
of it

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would be more ready for it than before my own friend died.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Prayed to god. Thanked GOD

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     Praying

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     My friend and I talk about spiritual subjects, where before we
never did

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Ability to Forget 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Good experience

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 13 15:10:29 2000
F17 in Havelock, NC  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  searching for a english report and this looked interesting

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Theater Education
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: an accident;   Aged: 15.

--Details: 
     She was in a car with her boyfriend and they crashed. It sucked. She
was only a few days shy of 16. I was 16 at the time and it made me
evaluate my own fragility.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     A cesation of respiration, heart beat, and brain activity. Most
agree that death occurs on a cellular level after all of these
events. Followed by Algor Mortis...the Rigor Mortis. The cooling
and stiffining of the body, respectively.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was only 5. I don't remember much but hurt and loss. I loved my
best friend and I miss her to this day.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I was 5 and my best friend was murdered by
	her abusive father. I really don't wish to describe it.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The song they played at the funeral. "Please Remember Me" I don't
know who it was by...but it's really really sad.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     It's definition. Death is not tragic. It's simply the cesation of
bodily existance. We are all born...we all live..and face it...we
all die.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     That I got to know my friends better after thier deaths through
talking to family and friends. That helps alot.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     punching and wall and seeing myself bleed. I realized then that I
was just as fragile and helpless to death as my fellow man and I
could no longer be angred at them for leaving me.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Her mother. She was heartbroken.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell Julie that I understood why she at first hated me. And then
to thank her for being my friend.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Attend her funeral. I felt it gave so many of us, her friends,
closure.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I hear that song. It still hits me. I'm almost crying now remembering
all the friends I've lost.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     She was so YOUNG. But age is never an issue with life. You either
live it; or die it. You can live as if each day is a new day,,,or
as if each day is a step closer to death. Your choice.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     got angry and punched a wall. I was POed. Then I understood that
we all die and I had to face that sometime.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Stupid patronizing remarks "She's in a better place" yeah. Like
the ground.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I am/was/wish to be a Methodist. Hey, I'm working on it.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     Like that feeling you get when you know it just dosen't get any
better than this. When you know you've found that "one" or when a
child looks up at you as an example. Or when your parents smile on
you with pride. That's spirit.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The tears. Everyone had them. Including myself and I seldom cry.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Wondering if the morticians dressed my friend propperly or just
stuffed her in the box. (Yes, i know that's morbid)

--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I was dead for 4 and 1/2 minuets after drowning off of a waterfall
in Hawaii. And for 3 when I tried to kill myself by taking over 200
pills. There was nothing there but dark, cold, empty space. To me,
that is what Hell is.
 
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I still hear my 5 year old friends laughter when I need it the
most. It may be subconcious...but I still hear her. Like when I was
popping those pills as a scared 13 year old, I heard her laugh to
me. It made me stop. She saved my life.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I punched a wall. I saw blood. It made me see that we are all human
and we all die.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I still punch walls. I don't know why. Pain has always been a strong
motivator in my life. Weird for a chick hungh?

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    -none- 
     I was very young and I have tried my best to put most of it
behind me.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    People's Stories, etc. 
     Everyone had their own advice and NONE of it helped.
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I like this questionnaire. It was helpful to me to realize that
not everyone is as patronizing as some.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     How did the death of your loved one/friend/whatever make you feel
about your own death?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 13 10:56:07 2000
M16 in Mexico City, DF  =Mexico=
Name: Marco Guarneros Roniger
Email: <roniger=at=correoweb.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Friend ]
  My friend told me but I looked for it cause he didnīt have the
direction

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: High School
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart desease;   Aged: 93.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     I think that for the most common occidental man, death is just the
end of everyting, a rest, though for other some it is a step to go
with god    (I donīt agree with either of them)

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Well, some very old uncles and aunts, but I didnīt feel so so bad
when it.  The first time I really feel someoneīs death, it was my
grandmás as I said back up (I was like 12 years old)

--That first time, how it happened was
     It was when I was born, Iīm premature and I had a blood transfusion
	so that I could live

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the importance she had for the family, overall for my mother

--What I think my (Mexico) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     I think nobody can surely tells what death really is, any way my
point of view is that the materialist occidental culture doesnīt
care much about what death is so that they trust in religion

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     It might sound a little bit strange, but when I was younger I used
to fear death, my mother tried to support me but the ideas she has
or even my fatherīs or any other personīs ideas didnīt conviceme,
so that I made up my own ideas
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Maybe the doubt, about if I would really see her again
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Ofcourse I donīt feel remorses (I hope you understand me sice I donīt
speak english perfectly) I did everything I could (well maybe not
really everything), but Im very very sensitive and I really felt
my great grandmaīs death
 
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
      Iīm a musician as my greatgrandma was she was a pianist

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     Im not pretty sure about what death is.
 But One point is if you
are all time long living forever, I mean when I die Iam born again
and again, or if sometime you stop living to "rest" forever

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     No there are not great things I could have done or change in
this case

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     came to reality to feel sader and sader. Fortunatly I could easily
overtake my grandmaīs death, cause I knew she was pretty old, but
if a very close friend or relative suddenly die I will feel really
like to die

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    My Belief System 
     I think, when I die, I reborn in my self, exactly the same life
until I reach perfeccion

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 12 19:19:26 2000
Anonymous Guest  in ,  ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, this year ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 17.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     like you loose the only thing that could support you if you only
had one leg

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cried a lot and I didn't understand what happened but felt well
when I was thinking of the peace the one I loved was living now
that he was gone

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...the death of my grand father who had health
	problems

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the rage I had that someone younger than me stopped living because
he was so sad

--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
     well, I don't know so teach me

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Friends' Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Viewing the Body 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 12 11:44:32 2000
F21 in Chicago, Illinois  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother,  4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure;   Aged: 94.

--Details: 
     In my eyes, she died because it was her time to go, she lived a
long life and it was just her time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was 5 and I didn't really understand the whole "process". Luckily
my family told me that my grandpa was in a better place with God
and he's watching me everyday. Unfortunately, around age 12 I began
thinking about him more and would cry myself to sleep all the time
because I missed him (and my grandma).  What got me through that
time was a lot of praying.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my grandpa had a heart attack and died in
	his sleep, I was 5.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it is not a bad thing. People need to accept it more, it IS a part
of life.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the wonderful memories I have of my grandpa, grandma, and
great-grandma. The memories will last with me forever...

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     prayer before I feel asleep at night.
 
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     remember my grandparents, since I was only 5 and 6 when my dad's
parents died, and I'm the oldest grandchild, I'm the only one who
really remembers them and I'll always cherish that closeness we had.
 
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     the main incident is now, while writing all of this information,
I still miss them and that is okay.  You are allowed to miss those
that you've lost, you just have to say to yourself," one day I'll
see them again."

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I know that I would visit my grandparents a lot if they were still
alive. I used to have so much fun with them when I was little,
and now I could talk to them as an adult and share my dreams,
etc. with them.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     gratitude. They did what they could.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     everything. We prayed and prayed about them getting better, we
prayed for happiness within ourselves and we prayed for help in
dealing with the deaths.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Roman Catholic
 
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     prayer was the answer.
 
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     One night when I was crying before I fell asleep. I was crying about
my grandparents' deaths and how much I missed them.  My grandma's
(deceased)voice came from somewhere in my room and said,"it'll be
okay, I'm here watching you, you'll be alright." I turned the other
way and saw a shadow of a person by my door, then I got a little
scared and hid under my blanket (I was 13). She said it again,
this time she was closer, I looked out from my blanket and she was
standing next to me.  Just as a shadow, but it was my grandma, it
was her voice and after that, I have been a lot better in dealing
with hers and my grandpa's deaths. I always felt like I was gipped
because I was only 5 and 6 when they died, now I feel fulfilled
because I know that they're watching me.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     Lots of praying to him


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Memories 
     The memories are all good ones, but I just get sad because I lost
someone I loved a lot.
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 12 08:46:13 2000
Anonymous Guest  in ,  ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Aged: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I LOST A BEST FRIEND YESTERDAY FOR BEING CAR RECK SUNDAY NIGHT. SHE
WAS ONLY 16 HER MOTHER IS VERY SAD.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     I've asked myself why, why her at such a young age ,why a best
friend that someone could ever have. Why someone so nice, why at
the age of 16yrs. old?
 
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I lost my great-great grandmother when I was 5. And could  relate
that she came back in the middle of the when I was sleeping. And
know I see Tiffany Markham in my sleep everynight.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     don't try to be in hurry to bet your krfue

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     How well

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     just think of the happy memorys that you had together

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 11 18:28:32 2000
F26 in Kissimmee, FL  =USA=
Name: Shana
Email: <shanapittman=at=hotmail.com>
  Web: http://pittman-home.tripod.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
  on yahoo!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: House wife
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 14yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack;   Aged: +/- 55.

--Details: 
     He was an alcoholic, and while tending bar at a moose lodge function,
his heart basically exploded.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end of physical awareness.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Was very young and had a hard time understanding why the adults
were so upset.

--That first time, how it happened was
     My grandfather died the day after Christmas. I had seen him on
	Christmas Eve, he had seemingly ignored me all day to discuss
	business with my parents. When it came time to leave, he asked for
	a kiss and I said I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to make him
	sick. When he left I muttered that I wish he would just die. And
	he did.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The family controversy of not allowing Grandfathers mistress to
attend the funeral. Grandma and him had been seperated for at least
6 years aat the time of his death.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That services and rituals are more for the living than the dead.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It allowed me to realize that my time is limited, and to make the
most of all my relationships, for tomorrw they may be gone.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Being able to deide which parts of the services I wanted to attend. I
was not limited to either the viewing or the funeral as I was when
I was younger. I did decide not to attend the actual burial. This
made me feel as if I was in control of my mourning. My family talked
with me at length as to what each portion of the service entailed,
allowing me to better make my decisions as to how I wanted to grieve.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Watching the pain for the adults.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I was present for the actual death of my grand mother in law. She
was in a nursing home an waited for her family to leave the room
before she chose to let go. We were summoned imediately, we tried
very hard to re-assure her that if she felt it was her time, that
she was not abandoning us.
 
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     I felt responsible for his death, since I had wished for it in a
thoughtless childs selfishness. It took years for me to realize,
that had his decisions been less selfish (by choosing not to be
sober) I would have had a better relationship with him that may have
lasted long enough for him to see his great grand children. No one
can be held responsible for the choices he made, but him.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I grew up on a farm, and depended on hunting to eat, so I had the
understanding of death and what it meant from a very early age. I
was never confused as to what was happening.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Not to deny Grandpa the good bye kiss.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     See all the extended family gathered together at the after service
bar b que. The mood was surprisingly light as we reflected on the
days events and grandpa's life.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     When we went shopping for funeral wear,and as children we were not
limited to black.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     The formality of funerals, it was more important that the family
gathered together, with or with out the speaches and ceremony.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I realize that my children will have only photographs to look at,
and even their aunts are to young to remember much more than
photos. There is no one but my mother and me to pass on the
memories. And because of the alcoholism, many of the memories
are tainted with pain, which I do not want to pass on to the next
generations.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     I was confused when the adults tried to hide the fact that something
had happened. I was awaken in the middle of the night and taken to
a friend's house. Where I was allowed to stay up, watch movies,
and eat junkfood until my heart content. Did the adults think
I wouldn't know something was wrong? My mom's friend had to be
the one to answer my questions of what had happened. I would have
rather heard it from my family, until I saw the pain on my mom's
face I believed that the friend must have heard something wrong.

--Religious Affiliation:
     christian but no organized religion
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     We had to pay for years to pay off the costs of funerals and the
Emergency treatment. Even though he was a veteran.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     The tension of Grandpa's friends and mistress that waited outside in
protest. The family decided it would be a closed funeral, keeping
those that encouraged his alcoholism from attending.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Having him shipped to Michigan from Florida to be burried in the
spring. It was weired thinking of him stored in a refridgerator
until the ground thawed.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I did not mourn the death of the person, but the pain in the lives
of those still living. I seem to accept the death fine, but hate
to know the emptieness left for those around me.
 
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I believe a living will should be followed to the letter. However,
since I feel that things such as continued life support, funeral
arrangements, organ donation, etc, should be decided on by those
that have to live with the decisions, I think it is selfish to
leave a living will. If trying to keep me alive when all hope
is gone makes my family feel that they did all they could, and
therefore easier for my family to accept without the "what if's",
then that is what they should do. If they do not want to feel as
if they prolonged my suffering, then that is what they should do.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I seem to be much more concerned with death since the birth of my
second child than ever before. I want it known that how I feel about
funeral arrangements, organ donation etc. is irevellent. My survivors
need to make the decisions that make their grief more managable.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I carefully packaged the nightgown and barretts that he gave me on
Christmas eve, I never used them. I hope to let my daughter use
the barretts for special events someday. I also tried to get my
younger sister to save her nightgown and barretts, that matched
mine. I think she has, at least the baretts she could find. She
was very young and used hers.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I have saved items from several people that have died. Blankets,
gifts, and such. The people that have died in my life all gave on
seemingly small gift shortly before their deaths, and are easily
keptin rememberance.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Pre-Teen  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Viewing the Body 
     At the viewing, my mom cleared out the chapel so I could give him
the goodbye kiss he wanted. I also kept all the gifts he had given
me for christmas, never using them.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Guilt 
     Since I was 12, I thought I had wished him to death, it took many
years to realize that it was the drinking, and not a childs wish
that did him in.
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I have had many years to adjust to the deaths in my life, and
fortunately I have not lost many people, so my beliefs are pretty
stable at this point in my life.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Mon Apr 10 14:01:37 2000
F19 in Pittsburgh, PA  =USA=
Name: Jenn
Email: <heavenlyartist=at=hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  I found you while in yahoo...I just came across it

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Prof/Studies: Freelance Graphic Artist, writer
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 9 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: possible heart attack;   Aged: 35.

--Details: 
     I've already explained.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     anyone close to you being taken away.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     experienced my own.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...I had an uncle who was absolutely the
	most important, closest, and wonderful man in my life...we were
	best friends.  He used to hunt, and one night, he was out hunting
	for deer, and after he shot it, he was dragging it and he had a,
	supposed, heart attack.  His hunting friend went to get help.
	He died when he got to the hospital.  My grandmother (his mother),
	my mom (his sister), my uncle (his brother), and my dad got a phone
	call from the hospital saying he was there, but they didn't tell
	them he was dead...he died before they made it.  I don't think
	that he did have a heart attack, I think he was murdered, but no
	one would believe me when I said that.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     The snow, a abnormally bright star shining in the sky...I was
looking out of the window right after my family had left to go to
the hospital, and it caught my eye...I looked at it until my dad
came back, picked me up, took me into another room where no one else
was and told me what happend, I remember screaming and hitting him
telling him that he was lying, passing out from hyperventilating,
going to the funeral and seeing my uncle unnaturally.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it isn't something to be put on the back burner.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     nothing

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     me cutting myself, my art, and anything to do with nature especially
rivers.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     life.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     tell them every single damn thing that you feel for them...no
secrets, you never know when they are going to leave you...don't
hide your tears, anger, anything.  They deserve everything you
have...every emotion-let them know and feel every emotion and
say goodbye
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     no one (God) gave me or him the chance to say goodbye or anything

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell him how I felt, talk to him, and say goodbye

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I smell/see nature or when I hear his voice

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I wouldn't have scars, I wouldn't cut myself, I would be happy.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     lost it.  I screamed, I never went to church again, I cursed God for
taking him away, I thought someone hated me so much that they would
do that to me, and in a mad rage, I sliced up my arms and legs...

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing after his death.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     I completely agree with it.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     my uncle's body.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I would tell him everything that I did the night he died, I would
tell him that my love for him is as strong as ever, I would tell
him that there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of him.
My feelings are concrete now, nothing would change.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     Since I was child, I was a strong believer in angels, spirits,
you name it.  I am still a very strong believer in that.  I've had
several experiences with it, but since we are on the topic of my
Uncle Ray's death, one experience I had was not too long after
he had died.  I was lying in my bed sleeping, and I felt cold
brush over my face, back and forth...like someone was fanning
my face.  I sat up in bed, and I heard him call my name.  That was
the happiest moment in my life...I was overwhelmed with security,
bliss, and comfort.  Then, like a door slamming shut, it was gone.
Thus, I lost it again and didn't stop crying for days.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     When I die, I want people to remember everything about me, the good
and the bad.  I want them to celebrate because they know that I am
finally happy.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I think about my own death everyday.  If I knew that I was going
to die very soon, I'd throw a party and celebrate.  I welcome my
death with open arms.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Self-mutilation, writing, and art.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     All of the one's I just mentioned.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     no...the only two people that are the closest to me (aside from
my family) are my boyfriend, Steve, and my best friens, Zach.
Neither one of them are even remotely close to being anything like
my uncle Ray, but they are there for me.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Rage 
     Rage hasn't helped me deal with it...I started self mutilation when
I was 10...right after he died.  I've been doing it every since, so
nothing has really helped deal with the pain...it just doesn't stop.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    The Funeral 
     He didn't look or smell like he always did.  They had so much makeup
on him, and usually his hair was slightly disheveled, but they had
it slicked back...I didn't like it, so I ran my fingers through it
and messed it up like it was supposed to be.  He always smelled so
natural and pure...just like nature.  There, I can't even describe
the smell, it was horrible.
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I answered every question with feelings that I've always had.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     I think you might need to re-word all of those questions about the
paranormal stuff...it was confusing.  It seemed like you asked the
same question 6 different ways.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 10 00:09:49 2000
F41 in , Tennessee  =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
  Hospice
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer;   Aged: 37.

--Details: 
     He was young and healthy until 3 months before he died. We had two
young children that needed him very badly.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the removal of everything you know in an instant.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     went through all the usual steps of grief, denial at the entire
process.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My husband died of cancer.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the feeling of total loss of control.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I waivered from my religious beliefs for a short time, but in time
came to realize that My religion never waiverd from me.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Time
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     The helpless feeling, the lonliness, the loss of support and comfort.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     as hard as it is, you will eventually get great comfort from being
there and offering love and support.
 
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     felt so alone and angry, but did finally come to accept and find
comfort in the memories.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     at the end when the pain was so terrible, I prayed for the pain to
end for him but for our time together not to end.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     We were all so close to the edge, if laughter had not came easily
we would have fallen off the edge of sanity.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Enjoy our life together more, not fuss over all the little stuff,
just been happy with our time.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Survive, and continue to raise our children to be strong and well
adjusted young people who do not view their lives as victims of
unfortunate circumstances.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     The rest of world kept going, Our life had came to a crashing halt,
and yet everything kept going.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     The funeral, I still feel it was so barbaric, some kind of public
display to see how we had held up to the hell we has just been
through.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     we have a monumental occasion, prom, drivers liscenes, great report
card, football games, first loves, dated, engagements, marriages. I
so needed him to share in the good and bad times the kids have been
through. The loss still brings sadness to the happiest events.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I run that fantasy 100's of ways, even I get surprised at how many
different wishful dreams I can create.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     So many useless people who never give or love or help just live on
and on, and yet someone who never intentionally harmed anyone and
was so needed was taken from this life.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Bargin with God and get him back right now here on earth.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt a rage that I could not deal with. Not even knowing who to be
angry at. God, was the most accesible target. How silly I know that
was now.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     Helplessness. They were all working to cure him, he was younger than
most of the medical professionals working on him, they could relate,
and none of us could do anything.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     We did not have hospice avaliable in our area at the time, but he
did remain at home by his choice. On one hand I am sorry that the
children had to view that at such a young age, yet I am thankful they
had the time with him, and the acceptance to wish him out of pain.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     At the time I was so angry with God, but now I realize that even
then he was my only strength, and never gave up on me.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Protastant
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     You need not speak a word to know anothers sorrow, it is
in their eyes. Losing someone so close gives me hope of the
afterlife. Reunited again.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     He was the bread winner in our family, I was the mom, when he died
we struggled hard, seems the kids continued to be hurt.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     I still do not understand what that is all about. It almost seemed
that it was one final test to see how much we could endure.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     The auto-life mode you go into, going on with all that needs to
be done, in some robot type way. Not concious decision makeing,
just one foot in front of the other.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Lowering body temp. A rasping sound in their breathing. Enough
suffering for them to be ready to go, and you to let them go.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     Time has been the only healer. You are going to stumble and err,
accept that and let time do its job.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     My husband got comfort from a tall man that he invisioned, I wonder
if it may has been his grandfather, he seemed very peaceful when
he invisioned that person.
 
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Just to know that he was happy and comfortable, I really do know
this anyway.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I wished for that visit, but it never happened, I didn't even dream
about him for years. Then when I finally did they were dis-joined
dreams, unclear to me. He would return and I'd be so happy, and he
would not acknowledge that he had been gone for years.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     To let my wishes be known. I would hate for my kids to have to
wonder what I would have wanted done.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would not mind my own death at all, but I would regret that my
kids would hurt and mourn.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     No, but talking about him and things we did together has been
comforting to both myself and the kids. I hope they will always
remember him with a smile.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     Seems like other people have the expectation that you will be
automatically "better" in one year, when you are still greiving they
begin to feel uncomfortable, they distance themselves and so did I.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Passage of Time 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Rage 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     to feel that you are experiencing similar feeling as others, I felt
so insane and isolated, in reality I was neither.
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Sun Apr  9 23:18:50 2000
F23 in ann arbor, mi  =us=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  I am working on a class presentation on interpersonal relations
and denial and death

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Prof/Studies: communications
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend,  two ago.
Cause of Death: he was cutting weight at U of M  for a wrestling match;   Aged: 21.

--Details: 
     when my friend jeff died at first it seemed surile. at first i
freaked out screaming and i was in shock and at calling hours i
harldy cried i felt that i needed to be strong for my friends since
most of then have never dealt with death in their lives. then at
the funeral i lost it again. it has been very hard for me since it
has hit me a lot harder now than it did then

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     If I were to explain death to an alien i would problably say death
is inevitable and although we don't understand why it happens,
it happens for a reason as everything does.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was very young, I understood that my brother was gone and he went
to heaven but i didn't understand why god would take him away from
my family and let him go through such pain

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... when I was nine years old my brother died. He
	was seventeen and he was drinking and driving and racing as well. It
	was very tramatic, My mother and I had o pass the scene of the
	accident to get to the hospital I will never forget it.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the phone call as y friends and i had just got done talking about
how much we missed him being away at school and how funny he was
and how just two days before he died i was telling a friend that
i needed to call him and i never did

--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     learning how to forgive yourself for the things you wanted to say
or do with that person before he/she died, and learning how to talk
about it learning how to live after death.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     my nephew. he was born shortly after y brother died and he is the
most important thing in my life. also when i was down my friend
jeff would talk to me and at first he would say don't cry it would
be ok then when i would keep crying he would yell stop crying and i
would laugh, so when ever i feel like crying i think of those moments

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the most support in dealing with death is just being able to
understand it i would say movies and books however just getting
older and more knowledgable and accepting that two very important
people in my life are gone but i stay strong
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
      my family it fell apart and still to this day my family is pretty
 screwed up my mother is an alcoholic my father is ok i guess but
 he doesn't really have a clue y sister has had a hard time with
 my parents and lately i feel a sort of resentment toward them i
 feel abandoned since the day my brother died.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     just listen to them comfort them i had a friend that was battling
cancer and he thought he was getting better and he had so many
ambitions and dreams he layed his head on my lap and told me what
he was going to do with his life and it was very inspiring, although
very sad.
 
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     have dealt with it it is however still very hard and emotional

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     when i was ten years old i didn't understand why my parents didn't
talk to me or support me in many ways

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     it was a way for me to deal with death without freaking out.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     not gotten into a fight with my brother over a dumb movie the moment
before he died and i would have spent more time with my best friend
and i would have called him when i had the chance.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     be a part of jeff (my best friend) life and that i had a brother
as handsome as he was and i am very much like him.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     i learned to forgive i know that things happen for a reason
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     living life and being happy because you don't know when it is your
time to go although we say these things we don't live by these
"rules of life".

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i see my nephew and how he has no father when i see my parents and
how my family has fallen apart and when i see my friends family
and how they grieve, mostly when i just have a mental picture of
them in my head.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     i really don't know

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     when my family has fallen apart and when my best friend had
everything going for him and my nephew with no father and a father
that never met his son

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     turn back time
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     why couldn't they do more
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     i don't know where my faith lyes.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     a lot of grieving and dillusion

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     dealing with it afterword years later

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     it has to happen you must go through all stages to recover or to
understand death
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Helping Other People cope 
     I never really dealt with it I thing when I lost my best friend
about ten years later is when it hit me


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Other: 
     there has been a lot that has hindered understanding death, at the
time I was only nine years old I watched my mother have a nervous
break down my father is an alcoholic however, he chooses to remain
sober, my sister was fifteen at the time michael my brother was her
best friend, as for yself i remember always being at the neighbors
house i would always hang out with other families. Now that  it
has been about thirteen years and i am now 22 i have dealt with
this and other issues with y family by an intense addiction to food.
 
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     i would like some feed back on the questions that i answered
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Sat Apr  8 15:45:24 2000
F52 in waukesha, wi  =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  looking for a questionnaire for a class reunion, and stumbled upon
yours on d&d

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Prof/Studies: RN, MSN
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother,  1 year ago.
Cause of Death: pulmonary emboli;   Aged: 47.

--Details: 
     Sudden death after an electrical accident, that just knocked him
down dead in his tracks.  No warning.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The end point to life as we know it.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Got the giggles as a child, and still find some deaths as humorous.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...relative, grandparent

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     how the family handles death rather matter of factly, in comparison
to families that grieve so long and so vocally.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
      We need to spend less money on something so terminal.  Death
 business is a tremendous waste of money to the majority these days.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Seeing the person who died, alive and well the last time, also
rather a surprise.  A good memory of a live person.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Being with my family, getting them to laugh and reminence about
the good qualities and some of the bad about the one who has died.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Not knowing how his loved ones wanted to react.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     Talking about the neat things done in a lifetime, the good memories,
the special people around them.
 
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     Loved him and care that he has died, but trust it is really ok.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     First hearing about it.  Should one continue to work or go into a
stagnant period of personal nonproductivity.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     I get a good laugh in whenever I can and know he would approve of
humor, he had a good sense of humor too
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     GEt up at the funeral and say some wonderful things about the
wonderful guy...no one did and it was such an oversight

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     get everyone to laugh really hard just once, at the prodding of
his own wife no less.  Made a good memory out of a really tough day.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     his Downs daughter said "poor daddy" at the funeral, so final was
that expression
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the flowers and the minister were not necessary, neither helped
at all

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i think how it affected those around me that i love, my daughter,
her dad, my sister, his children

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     crowded with people, some too infirm to care about living at all.
visiting sick and ill old people all the time, who really don't
enjoy life anymore at all

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that he didn't get to retire and do the things he wanted to because
he was always so worried about money

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     retire and enjoy my own time off of work and just be healthy in my
final years
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     still had a hard time believing it, until I saw the faces of
the family

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     nothing anyone in the medical community could do to help most who
have died in my family...we're sudden deathers
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     none
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     nothing to me  god is there and doesn't need to be organized
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     brought up catholic
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     right, I too believe that god is not of one faith
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     he didn't get to enjoy any of his and my sister doesn't know how
to manage it...should be rough for her without him
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the minister didn't know the guy, so no one spoke on his behalf,
even when time was made...his parents came so far for so little in
the way of a funeral

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     keeping the family together...so that we could rely on each other
and everyone seemed to want the same thing.. just to be together
in the small family unit

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     unfound happiness and social outwardness,  those who have died in the
family suddenly had those traits...they contacted people where they
never would have in the past  like they had a premonition of death

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     the standard Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance
seem to work quite well, and surface eventually in even the least
able to mourn
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     have seen it with patients many times, but not with loved ones...who
died suddenly
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     patients will discuss them openly when asked and kept in
confidence...some have had their family and pets come for them and
are not afraid.  They are not infirm or crippled in the next life,
hereafter or whatever the dimension is?
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     My sister needs help with her affairs but is too stubborn to get
help...we just keep trying to help her and love her in her ignorance

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     We'll help carolyn the best we can, but she has to do things her
way...that's what you loved about her

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     Most persons who have lost someone have the sense of feeling their
presence.  I just talked to a friend who saw her father just walk
through the room.  Her husband saw him too.  Neither were frightened
by him, just awed.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     get rid of the junk use the good stuff buy on credit and enjoy life

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     Just don't Code me... i have a living will already and have lived a
really exceptional life helping others to cope, loving my children,
and being truly a productive person in society... I have much to do,
but they'd do just fine without me too.  We are all dispensible

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     i jumped into the lake , jumped in fully dressed in the black funeral
attire, at my sisters suggestion, so everyone would get a good laugh.
They sure did, after the shock wore off, and they were sure I was
OK, they laughed and laughed.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     take and Aspirin a day, regularly exercise, and take vitamins.
I read and stay active in the community.  and I work hard so that
someday I can retire and take it easy, before I sudden death it..

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     love my own loved ones all the more

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Keeping Busy 
     I find humor helps me to cope and has since I was small


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Silence & Taboos 
     Other people sadness, empathy
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     acknowledge the loss, most did

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Sun Apr  9 22:31:36 2000
Anonymous Guest  in ,  ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  I am working on a class presentation on interpersonal relations
and denial and death
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... when I was nine years old my brother died. He
	was seventeen and he was drinking and driving and racing as well. It
	was very tramatic, My mother and I had o pass the scene of the
	accident to get to the hospital I will never forget it.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Helping Other People cope 
     I never really dealt with it I thing when I lost my best friend
about ten years later is when it hit me


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Other: 
     there has been a lot that has hindered understanding death, at the
time I was only nine years old I watched my mother have a nervous
break down my father is an alcoholic however, he chooses to remain
sober, my sister was fifteen at the time michael my brother was her
best friend, as for yself i remember always being at the neighbors
house i would always hang out with other families. Now that
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Sun Apr  9 06:22:43 2000
F18 in Buenos Aires, Capital Federal  =Argentina=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
  my friend told me

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Prof/Studies: Student
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Aged: 
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 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	at what age  
			How'd I do?     How well
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Sat Apr  8 19:06:13 2000
F30 in largent, wv  =us=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle,  3months ago.
Cause of Death: not sure;   Aged: 63.

--Details: 
     his wife had just past away from cancer about 7 months prior to
his death, there wasn't anything wrong with him that we are aware of

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end as life as we know it, Your body desinagrates but your soul
lives on, where? i don't know.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was very younge 5, and they were friends of mine that were 5 and
2 they burned to death in a fire at our farm house.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...i was in kindergarden and my parents picked
	me up and were crying friends of the families children had just
	burned to death at our farm while they were sleeping

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Crying because i don't know where or what happens to you when you
die. It scares me so much that I don't want to die but that is all
i think about

--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     some facts not just faith on what happens to you

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     getting it over with and leaving the whole situation
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the absent of them. Just knowing they were here yesterday
  
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I don't think i could accept it i don't think i could look at my
kids knowing i am leaving them and don't even know where or what
will happen i love my family so much that i can't imagine being
without them

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Lack of Awareness 
     now i try to avoid the whole thing it makes me very uncomfortable


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     telling me how they feel about death


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it now makes me think about it more and scares me more
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Sat Apr  8 13:07:12 2000
F43 in janesville, Wi.  =US=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Clinical Social Worker
 
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Recommended Reading-- Titles: 
	The holy Bible
 
Recommended Reading-- Writers: 
	Paul, Luke, Matthew, Mark John
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister,  18yrs ago.
Cause of Death: domestic Violence;   Aged: 36.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     If you have accepted Christ as your personal savior, it is the end
of a physical life and the beginning of a spiritual life which last
for all eternity.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was sad, angry and also happy, that because this person was saved
and went home to be with the Lord, that being saved, I will see
them again.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was my dad's aunt and I was only 3yrs old.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     a lot of hurt and shock

--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     people should be allowed to mourn in the way that makes them feel
best. Not according to others way of doing things.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     My sister will never be beaten by her sorry excuse of a husband
again.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     My relationship with God.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     them not being physically present.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     I don't understand the question.
 
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     survived without loosing my mind, and how I am able to look at her
murderer and not kill him or wish him dead.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was never confused.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     If I laughed, and I don't remember, it was because, my sister would
never be beaten again.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say good-bye.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     help my sister's murderer plan her funeral.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I felt my sister's presence at her funeral, and at my parents'
funerals.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     who got what from her estate.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     When I think about her being my only true friend.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     If she were still alive, she would probably still be with that nut
and her life would be terrible, therefore, I'm glad she's with God.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that my sister's murderer got off free, and never realized or
admitted to being the cause of her death, and never admitted
abusing her.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     I'm okay with it.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     felt empty.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     acceptance.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     does not apply
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Everything!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus meant everything to me not the church
or religion.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I am a "Born again" Christian.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     the only spiritual death is when one goes to hell.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     Money was not an issue.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     how wonderful all the people were.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the bodies always never look like the person, which is good.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     My dad died from cancer, I hated seeing him loose a lot of weight
and his ability to communicate.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     grieving didn't began until months after the actual death.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I don't know, her death was quick.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     does not apply
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     Having unresolved issues can be a torture for those who have lost
loved ones.  I am so blessed that I loved my sister to the best of
my ability and I know that she loved me.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I said everything I wanted to to my sister, I only wish she had
the opportunity to know me as an adult.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     according to the bible, this is impossible, I think the mind is
playing tricks on these people.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     I am always concerned that the dying person needs to repent and
confess Jesus Christ so they don't go to an eternal hell.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     that I love the Lord and know that I'm okay with him and ready to
meet him.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     Prayer.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I love the Lord and Know that God is a rewarder of those whom
deligently seek him.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     no.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Prayers 
     Because of my belief in God and the after life, I deal with it
very well.
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I reached out to people through sharing and prayer.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     Boring.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     the questions are too wordy.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr  8 11:54:36 2000
F25 in Marblehead, MA  =USA=
Name: J.C.
Email: <jaggirl9=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Teacher
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 1/2 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide;   Aged: 21.

--Details: 
     He shot himself in the head with a gun.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     the end of the use of our corpearal selves.  Our energy dissipates
into the world to be collected and used by other living things.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     dealt quite weel with the experience.  It was not a surprise death
and my family was very sensitive to my age.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... my elderly grandfather passed away.
	I couldn't go to the church funeral but I did go to the burial.
	I remember lots of crying and some laughing as well.  My family
	had a very healthy outlook about death.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     the extreme pain and sadness of myself and others.  I could not
resolve that my friend was dead.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     ???

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     when my grandfather passed away peacefully.  He had lung cancer
and died before the painful suffering that comes with the disease.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     my time alone to process the information and the sheer knowledge
that time will help.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     the extreme pain and suffering as well as the guilt associated with
the knowledge that this death could have been prevented.
  
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     --- that time does lessen the pain.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I was informed...  The "why him" and "why me" stage of the death
process.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     laughing is a natural way of dealing with death.  A group of friends
would get together and reminisce about all of the fun times we
had together...
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     talk to hime prior to his death.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have friends and family to support me.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I wrote out his full name on a piece of paper and put it in my
photo album.  I have since decided to name my first child after him.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     ???

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I read about another senseless suicide, or I remember soething we
used to do together.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     Things would probably not be very different in my material world
but emotionally and spiritually I have grown through this experience.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     and "I should have done..."  I realize now that what is meant to
be, is meant to be...  The guilt and anger are not worth the energy
to uphold.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     go back to 9th grade... [11 years ago].
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     began to see life in a new light.  I have become more empathetic
to others and their situation.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     ---
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     ---
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     very little...
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     episcopalian  non-practicing
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     reasonable---  I would reterm Spirit as Energy though.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it was not an issue.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the vast support of all the family and friends.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     the need for sexual comfort...

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     ???

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     I needed time and support.  I had to experience anger, guilt, shame,
revulsion... and acceptance.  It takes time.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     We had unresolved issues but I feel we came to a decent closure
together prior to his death.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     Thi experience did help me through grieving...

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I believe he gave me a sign about 4 months after his death in the
form of a dream---  a ship was sinking and he was standing on the
deck waving to everyone on shore.  I was the only one to struggle
and he told me to let go of the rope.  After tis experience, I eflt
as if a weight had been lifted.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I am only slightly afraid of dying.  I think it is just a passing
of energy into another state.  It's inevitable.

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I talked to him often.  I still do.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I talk to him, ask him for advice...

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     I had a brief intense friendship with a mutaul friend but it has
since disappeared...

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Family's Sensitivities 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I reached out to an old high school friend.  We bonded and became
very close for a brief period of time.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     I feel this has allowed me to put some ofmy feelings and thoughts
down on "paper."  This is quite helpful.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr  7 12:55:28 2000
F16 in higginsville, mo  =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Student
 
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More personal info: 
     i welcome death and never fear it
 
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 10yrs ago.
Cause of Death: don,t know;   Aged: 35.

--Details: 
     i don't know

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     freedom from the torture of life

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     cryed

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my mother died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     it crushed us all

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     how to accept it

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     it frees the people it takes

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     the knowledge that they were finally free
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     I was still not free and i would be with out them
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     give them support
 
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     accepted it

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     when it first happened i was six at the time

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     never happened
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     sya i was sorry and goodbye

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     know them
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     they listened to me
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     who they where in society

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     Iforget something

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     you never know

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
      that i never got to say goodbye

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     die
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     accepted it for what it was

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     not very much
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     n/a
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     relief for many
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     cristian
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     connected
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     something that shouldn't be there
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     her face

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     who it chooses

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     contentment or illness

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     time and acceptance
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i have none
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     it did to me when i was very young
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     i'm sorry i didn't get to say sorry

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     get over it

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     yes my mother told me to protect my brother

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     nothing

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     it's coming

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
      i just accept it for what it is

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     i'm more cautious

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     not really

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Keeping Busy 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Abandonment 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     i would talk to people


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     it different

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     are you afraid of death

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr  7 05:34:30 2000
Anonymous Guest  in ,  ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  doing a project on questionaires
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You),  yrs ago.
Aged: 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...it was the death of a parent

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     personal belief system i  developed later


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Other: 
     based life around that person always being there
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr  5 13:17:48 2000
F21 in university, ms  =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother,  6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: embolism;   Aged: 70.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     final, completion of life cycle.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was curious

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...a distant relative. i was already familiar
	with the concept of death.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     that the death was unexpected and sudden

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it's not significant what becomes of the body after death

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the knowledge that life isnt continous, and that i will rest someday

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     being alone
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     it was sad to see the affects on those around me
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     n/a
 
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     nothing really

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     nothing

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     never felt that
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     nothing

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     wasnt able to do anything
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     nothing
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     buying flowers, viewing the body, paying for coffins

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i dont

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     my grandparents + greatgrandfathers would be in poor shape if still
alive, my uncle might have gotten his business off the ground

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     no

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     n/a
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     just realizes i never see the person again

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     not much
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     never used hospice
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     i have no religious affiliation
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     none
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     i dont believe in such things. you die and that's it
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it was drain finacially to pay for funerals
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     boring and pointless

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     wondering how fast the body would decompose

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     i dont know

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     ?
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     i do not know of any such occurances
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     none
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     i have no unresolved issues

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     none

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     none

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     io believe the dying person's wishes pre-empts any that their
relatives want.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     yes, i think about it often.  if i knew i was going to die soon, i
would try to do things i enjoyed more often.  i would be shocked, but
a sooner death is nothing more the the advancement of the inevitable

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     just accept it, there's nothing else to do

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     no changes in lifestyle

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     none

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     finding out everything i could about death
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     i had no need to reach out


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     no

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     the questions were clear

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr  5 01:18:07 2000
F22 in Mouille Point, Cape Town  =South Africa=
Name: Caine Flies
Email: <carinef=at=cpt.drake-scull.co.za>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Secretary
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend,  4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident;   Aged: 24.

--Details: 
     The person that caused the accident was drunk. And when the asshole
saw what happened, he laughed. He didn't even realise that Alan
died. (Alan was sober.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     something unexpected... Painfull. Killing your wishes and
dreams. Death is suffocating. Death creeps up on you and takes your
very heart. Death is selfish. Death is something that takes without
asking. Death destroys faith and hope. Death takes the ones you
care about most. Death doesn't have sympathy. Death kills poeple
you love with all your heart, soul and every breath...

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     Thought people lied to me. I didn't believe them. Until the Funeral.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was... A car accident

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Saying goodbye the last time.

--What I think my (South Africa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it is ok to go through all the stages...  That it ok to not
believe the bad news. That it is ok to cry, etc.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     The dream I had of Alan. He told me he's ok now.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     Love and support from friends, first of all. And sometimes when i
went for long walks alone, I pretended that the wind rubbing agains
my skin was in fact Alan caressing me. (I'm not crazy or anything,
it just made me feel still loved by him)
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Alan's fiance wanted to commit suicide after his death. It was hard
dealing with both situations. About a year later she did it anyway.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     To tell them that they will always be loved.
 
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I blamed myself for not being there.

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     N.A.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     say thanks for all his love, support, kindness, jokes and presence.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have loved him
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     There were about 5 white dove walking next to the grave. They
refused to go away...
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     can't think about it now...

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I listen to the cd he left for me.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     We might not even be friends today. We might be on such bad terms
that maybe i'd wish i'd never known him.  Maybe things would still
be the way they were. Or even better...

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     that someone so good must die because of some idiot's mistakes...

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     scream out loud that after four years I still love him
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried and wept for weeks. Not always loud. Mostly in my heart,

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     rather live the situation alone
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     coping better
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     I believe in God. But i also believe in angels
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     that the loved one can still be present sometimes. In soft and
gentle ways.  Never harmful.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     N.A
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     people who was always cruel and nasty now suddenly cry the
loudest. Almost to win someone's approval.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     Not wanting anyone around you.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     quality time together
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     n.a.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I'm okay now

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I'd feel relieved in a way. I never told Alan that i love him. That's
what i'd say...

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     I had a two dreams of Alan. The first one happened abou two days
after his funeral. One of our other friends, who was injured in
the same car accident, was still in hospital. I visited him every
day. The nurses sometimes let me sleep there. It was an afternoon. I
fell asleep with my head on my friend's bed. And i dreamt that Alan
told me to tell our friend that he loves him. I did tell him. He
just burst out into tears and said:"You know, it was really worrying
me. I had to hear it one last time" I believe that Alan knew how
much it would mean to him.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     LOVE...

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I try not to think about that. I want to live everyday to the
fullest, rather.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     Yes, I did. But 4 of the 6 new friends I made, died too.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     How well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Memories to hold 
     Believeing he's an angel looking over me.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Family's Insensitivities 
     Telling me it's not so bad...
 

- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It is a very good questionare, It takes you back to that day. but
it also makes yuo realise how strong you've become

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr  4 17:32:55 2000
F14 in Salisbury, North Carolina  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, several ago.
Cause of Death: old age;   Aged: ??.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     The loss of the soul to a hateful God who has no pity for the living.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was very young.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...my great grandfather died, and for some reason
	I wasn't sad

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Being asked to kiss him in his coffin and refusing.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     That it may be the way to a better place.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     Heaven

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     guilt
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     Feeling bereft
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     They've gone to a better place
 
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     felt

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I went home

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell him I love him

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     Move on
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     Felt horrible that I had never gotten close to him.

--Religious Affiliation:
     Catholic
 
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Seeing them dead

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Very Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Mystical Studies 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr  4 03:09:10 2000
F16 in Perth, WA  =Australia=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  web search on surveys
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle,  4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a rockfall;   Aged: 30.

--Details: 
     Parent supervising a school group on a surfing excursion, during rain
the group sheltered under a limestone overhang which wasn't stable.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when someone is no longer physically there. They are still there
in spirit.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     didn't believe it for several months, and it still hasn't hit me
4 years later.

--That first time, how it happened was
     It was my uncle, who was killed in a very highly publicised rockfall.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     Seeing someone so dead.. completely lifeless.. afterwards I didn't
speak a word for 7 hours.

--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that just because they're gone doesn't mean they don't exist.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     I think that next time I may better able to deal with it.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     taking time out to think about it; death is something you have to
deal with yourself.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     seeing my cousins grow up without a father.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     to of been allowed to help out at the scene - maybe two survivors
would have been pulled from the rubble then.

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     people are in need, so many people pitch in to help.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     that we were taking everyone else for granted.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would probably still be taking everyone for granted..

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     but is life fair?

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     see them again
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     ..that hasn't happened yet.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     they work hard, but it's never hard enough.
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     people prayed for us and came round, but i just wanted to be left
to our grief.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     my family is christian and I board at an anglican school
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     it isn't important.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the huge number of people and the press helicopters that hung around.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     Taking one last look at his photo and saying goodbye.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     n/a

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     writing about it helped alot.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     A bit rough

What Helped me most deal with death?    Rage 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Denial 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     friends weren't sure what to say, so often said nothing.. I think
if someone you know has had a relative/friend die, don't ignore
them.. treat them how u did before, and just be there for them.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr  3 02:09:03 2000
F48 in wichita falls, tx  =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: mentalheath aide/ truckdriver
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
More personal info: 
     don't post my address
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father,  20yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder;   Aged: 49.

--Details: 
     My stepmother ran over him and left him to die.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     That the person is no longer with us. That he is no longer breathing
or taking in nourishment. He is in a deep sleep and can't be
awakened. He can no longer hear, see, feel, think ,or reply to
anyone. He will begin to disolve.

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was afraid of death and dying. I was afraid to touch the person. I
didn't understand.

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...Great granddad was made to go to funeral

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     That the dead person is no longer suffering and they can't hurt
you and that you will miss them.

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     it happens to us all and it is a time to rest. I do not believe
it's the end.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     that it is an end to suffering. I will never be grateful that my
loved ones are gone, only that they are not hurting anymore.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     The knowledge that it is not the end. My belief in that is enough
and being around others that loved that person also.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not knowing what's next for them. Missing them.
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     You have to reassure the person that you love them and it's okay
to let go and sleep or rest.
 
--[My Father's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     think others should not get so upset about death. But I am more
eager to live as long as I can.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     people tell me that they are in heaven or hell

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     that happened with my grandmother, her family acted like they were
all upset about her dying and I laughed at the irony right out loud
at the funeral. They were terrible to each other when she was living.
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     Tell them I love them and forgive them for anything. Tell them the
things they did that brought happiness to others.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     hug my dad goodbye.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I first saw my dad it didn't look like him in the casket, they
parted his hair wrong so it was easy for me to deny it was him.
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     The stupid flowers, if you don't give them flowers when they are
alive, why do it at death.

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     my grandkids are running around I want so much to see my dad enjoy
their laughter and pranks. He loved kids. I wish I could watch him
play with them.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would hug them more and make a point of telling them they were
important and loved.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     To work all your life and die, or die before you experience life.

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     Just see them for one day.
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     expected them to just show up again after a while and that didn't
happen. Now I expect them to be there till judgement day, sleeping.

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     The mental medical community is a joke around this town.
 
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
     NA
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     a total bad experience. My preacher said he would preach for me
and canceled at the last minute for a meeting.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Baptist/I believe in Jesus Christ but I don't believe any church
today is teaching the Bible right.
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     stronger than death, religion, and man. I believe the Spirit goes
back to God who gave it.
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     if you don't have any, you don't get buried proper. Money makes
people do stupid stuff especially when there is a death.
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     the funeral is a business just like everything else.

--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
     getting to spend some quiet time with my daddy, everyone expected
me to cry and I couldn't. They let the murderer come to the
funeral. Everyone knew she did it.

--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
     my daddy knew he was going to die, I think most people do, whether
it's illness, murder, or sudden attack. I think people have a
pre-knowledge 6th sense.  For illness it's when they suddenly get
better just before they die.

--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: 
     when I see someone suffering I try to just pray for an end to it
if there is no hope of a quality of life. I try to help the person
get all their loose ends tied up, so they can let go and rest.
 
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
     I wasn't there at my dad's death. But I was there at my grandfather's
death. He didn't do anything but close his eyes and loose his teeth.
 
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
     My 4 yr. old Grandaughter was ran over by a van. The tire went
right over her pelvic area. She told me later that God {the one
that hangs on the cross} lifted the van off her and the dead people
helped. I asked her the ones with wings and she said no. You know
grandma, the dead people, that lived before. Was that a near death
experience? She had a tire print across her and gravel prints on her
back, no injures!! She saw a picture of my dad a while latter and
told me he was one of the dead people that helped God with the van.
 
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     I feel his drunk wife should pay for killing him and burying him
but she didn't. I was angry and my dad for his lifestyle and angry
at him for a lot of things in his life.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     did all the meaness he did in his life cause him to be suffering in
whatever he is experiencing now or will experience in the future. I
wonder what's going to happen to him??Nothing seems to help except
the knowledge that God is merciful.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     My great Aunt tells me her husband visits her at times, he is usually
sitting around her fireplace. I did have an odd experience when
I was driving late one night. My dad was a truckdriver and I am
also. I was wishing he could see me, his dau. drive that truck. I
felt his hand close over mine on the gear shift and I could see
him smiling from the seat beside me for just a brief second.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     The right to die in peace, what does the person wish to happen
after he dies.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I hope I get to watch my grandkids develop into decent adults. I
hope I've taught someone something good and helpful. I hope I don't
leave my family and friends any grief and I hope they miss me a
little bit. I hope I die in my sleep, I think?

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I talk out loud to them sometimes, going to the grave does nothing
for me. I write poetry. I call someone who loved them also.

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     When I catch myself doing something for daddy like fixing his
favorite food on his birthday I do something different. I miss him
to much. I miss my grandmothers too much.

--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
     no

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Difficult

What Helped me most deal with death?    Helping Other People cope 
     ignorance
 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I needed more time to say goodbye. Everything went so fast I even
found myself hugging the woman that killed him and saying it will
be all right. WHY????Did I do that. I'd like to have the chance to
ask her why she did it.


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It makes me wonder why I still have the same feelings after 20 yrs.

- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? 
     You may think some of my answers are weird, I've had a lot of
different experinces so I used more than one.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr  2 12:09:01 2000
F45 in Jonesboro, AR  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Advertising
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter,  17 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident;   Aged: 2.5.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     no longer being there.  An empty place in your heart. A shadow you
cannot catch

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was...My 2 and a half year old daughter was killed
	in a hit and run accident.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     being by myself. Not having any support from family or having
"support" by well-intentioned friends who always said the wrong
things.

--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     that death is a certainty; a final act of God.  People say and do
things that try to make it better.  But they always make it worse.
They try to make decisions for you when you have to make them
for yourself.

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     the memories of my little girl.  Her cute, upturned nose; her short
blond hair; the way she and I would sing "You are my sunshine" and
"Zippity-Do-Dah" with her sitting on my lap.

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     I didn't receive any counseling, read any books or get any support
from family or friends.  I was alone for years, dealing with my
husband who went into serious, almost life-ending self destruction.
I also had to deal with a 3.5 year old with serious brain damage.
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     getting to the FIRST grief stage.  It took about 7 years.
  
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     found grace with God.

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     I couldn't grieve for myself.  I had to take care of the two who
were still here.

--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     tell her that I loved her one more time.

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     get through the funeral service without breaking down completely.
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     I saw her for the first time after the accident.  She was cleaned
up (no blood, tubes, etc.) and had her blond hair combed just
right, with just a little make-up to show off her chubby cheeks.
Someone had taken the time to look at her baby pictures and wanted
to make her look like the beautiful baby she was.  It was such a
small gesture; but it meant more to me than anything!
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     the Pallbearers!  I have 5 brothers; my husband has 2.  They all
wanted to be the pallbearears.  I DIDN'T CARE!!  But they all
thought it was their JOB!

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     I see another child about 2.5 years old.  (I can always tell the
age.)  I have several close friends now with children that age and
it never fails to happen that I feel a sense of sadness around them.

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I don't let myself think this way.  God took my little baby for
a reason.  And, even afer 17 years, I still don't know the reason.
But God has His reason.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I'm a mom without my little girl anymore.

--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     cried for days.

--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     the difference between my husband's mental state of mind and death.
God and the church became an important part of our lives; even
moreso than before the accident.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Protestant.
 
 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Adult  
			How'd I do?     Adequate

What Helped me most deal with death?    Keeping Busy 
     I had to be the caretaker for my husband and 3 and a half year
old son, also in the accident.  I had no time to "deal" with it on
my own.

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Distractions 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr  1 22:14:01 2000
F19 in Rochester, NY  =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
  yahoo.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather,  5 months ago.
Cause of Death: pancreatic cancer;   Aged: 82.

--Details: 
     No one knew what was wrong with him until 3 days before he died and
they said it was advanced pancreatic cancer which was weird because
cancer doesn't run in the family. And 3 days later he died...it
was all very sudden.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     final

--That first time, how it happened was
     How it happened was my great-grandmother died when I was nine.

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     my father crying

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     that my grandmother was taking it okay
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     isolation...i was at college when he died, i flew in for the funeral
and flew out the next day. i had to deal with it on my own, not
that my immediate family really would talk about it.
  
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     ask my grandfather about his childhood

--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the whole viewing the body thing. it's so grotesque a practice,
really, but it's a form of closure--one last time you get to see
this person and then they're gone forever.
 
--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     not think about it.
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     catholicism
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     it sucked, it was terrible, horrible, awful. everyone crying. i
don't like crying in front of people. i hated it. i never ever want
to go to one again.

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     I would be terrified if I knew I was going to die soon. I'm terrified
of death and always have been. It's scary. I don't have a strong
belief in heaven, etc., so I think, "what if there's nothing--I
won't exist anymore". My mind has a hard time grasping that concept.

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Young Child  
			How'd I do?     Very Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Other: 
     I helped myself--I sang songs about my great-grandmother into a
tape recorder.


What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    Fear of Death 
     At night, in my bed, I would think of when my parents would be dead
and I'd feel lonely and sad and scared.
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr  1 17:04:29 2000
F15 in , ca  =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Found us by: [ Other: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drowning;   Aged: 13.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
--Death Is: 
     when a living person is no longer living. they can no longer move
or talk or breath or do anything anymore

--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I    
     was in shock, but i quickly got over it

--That first time, how it happened was
     sister died

--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
     not helping her with her homework after school anymore. or not
sleeping in the living room with her on christmas eve!

--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
     the past is past, and you wish you could bring them back, but you
cant, so face the reality!

--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
     It could've been me, but it wasnt. so i think God for that!

--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
     writing in my journal
 
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
     not seeing them anymore
  
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
     love them unconditionally until their very last secind of life
 
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much.  I'd have others know how I:
     became a christian after it happened!

--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
     i would wiat for her outside her classroom after school, but
she would never come, and then i would remember she was dead. it
was hard!

--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
     i did NOT laugh. i dont find anything about death funny!
 
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
     to be nicer to her. to pick on her less!!

--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
     have loved her, and to have had her in my life
 
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
     the morning she died, we got into an arguement, and then for no
reason we just seemed to make up, and get along. and then before
i knew it she was dead!
 
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
     she should've known better than to take off her life vest!

--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
     i dont get sad. i am over it all!

--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
     I would be the same persom. i'd just have a sister to help me be
the same person i am today.  Maybe i would be a little meaner,
and crankier.

--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
     I never had any of those kinda of thoughts. i would'nt have wished
it upon anyone elses sister just so i could have mine back!

--It's sometimes so very difficult.  I just wish I could
     It never gets difficult. I never have any bad days when i just dont
feel like getting out of bed. It is all OK!
 
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
     was upset, but i knew everything happens for a reason

--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
     the medical community?! what!!! they didnt help us. we got threw
it on our own!
 
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
     Knowing that God did it for a reason. knowing that i was going to
make it through this. knowing that i was going to be a stronger
person through my sisters death!
 
--Religious Affiliation:
     Christian
 
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
     i dont know.!
 
--Regarding MONEY:
     we have more money now. feeding and clothing one less person is
alot cheaper!
 
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
     i didnt go to the funeral

--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
     all of our issues were resolved in the second she died.

--If we were to visit one last conversation...
     I dont want to talk to her, or say anything. what's done is done.

--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
     She is in heaven. she i no longer with me. Therefore she cant visit.

--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
     thinking about how my death can make them a stronger and better
person

--Any thoughts about your own death?:
     When i die i die. No questions asked. it will just be my time to go!

--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
     I went back to the place where she died, and i said goodbye, and
i threw her favorite stuffed animal in the water where she drowned!

--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
     I havent changed. i am still the same person

 - - - - -   P e r s o n a l    H i s t o r y   - - - - - 

1st Death event occurred in my life at: 	Teen Ager  
			How'd I do?     Well

What Helped me most deal with death?    Distractions 

What Hindered me most in my dealing with death?    -none- 

--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
     I think just people hugging me and telling me they loved me made
me feel better. and not having anyone treating me any different
than normal!


- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - 
     It was easy. I enjoyed it! Some of the questions seemed to be a
little similar, but it was allright! some of the questions made no
since, but i tryed my hardest to answer correctly

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