Age:[ 32 ] Gender:[ F ]

	       My mom died seven months ago of mutliple myeloma.  A rare bone
       cancer that is the most painful of them all.  No amount of
       pain-killers helped.  It was just awful.  I don't understand why
       there are child-molesters and rapists allowed to live forever in
       prison and God called someone like Mom home.  I need her here.
       It may sound selfish, but she was only 48 and I didn't expect
       to have to deal with this for many many years.  I wasn't ready.
       We watched her die ever so slowly and painfully for three years.
       I thought I was prepared.  I guess that you can never be
       prepared for something like this.  If I had one wish?  It would
       be for her to have one more day here to hold and run with her
       grandchildren (which she never got to do), go shopping with me,
       to make love to Dad one more time, one more day to just hold
       me and remind me that she IS here.  I try not to cry, but it
       has absorbed me.  I feel like I'm spinning out of control.
       I'm just going through the motions.  I feel like joining her
       sometimes, but I have two little girls that I need to be here
       for.  
 Momma-cita, I miss you sooo very much.  I know you are
       my angel watching over me.  When things are really bad, I feel
       your touch.  Whenever I want to be close to you I put on your
       clothes and talk to you.  I KNOW you can hear me... I just wish
       that there was a phone up there, so I could hear YOU.  I love
       you, Mom.  I'm sorry I wasn't there that morning you left.
       I know you were holding on and waiting for me to get there.
       Guess I showed up one day too late.