Age:[ 43 ] Gender:[ f ]

Comments: have 4 beautiful children and a great husband

	July 3, my dad took me and my husband to the airport. we were going to
Europe to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. my dad was happy,
and in fine condition. We arrived on a Sunday, july 4th, I spoke to
him on the following Thursday  July 7th to let him know how everyone
was asking for him, and missed him. He laughed and asked me to say a
Hail Mary for his mom and dad when I go to church. The next day I get a
call from my sister telling me that my dad had a severe heart attack. I
took a plane back the next day. I arrived on Sunday, July 11 and he
died on Tuesday July 13th, 1999. One day after my birthday. July will
never be the same again. I feel so empty. I feel like I can never be
happy again.
 My family has never lost anyone before, For some reason
I never though about my dad dying. He was so good, kind and he was
loved by so many people. From the time I got the news until the day
we buried him, I was in a numb state. zombie like. I went through
the motions, but not really there. It was like a bad nightmare. It
was very hard in the mornings. I would wake up thinking and hoping
that it was just a bad dream, but then I knew it was not. I miss my
dad coming over to my house, he made the best BBQ chicken. He loved
to cook, and spend time with his children. We were never ones to hug
and tell each other that we loved each other. So I have regrets about
that. I hope he knew that I loved him a great deal. Now that he is gone
I love him more that I ever though I did. He was the best dad in the
whole world. Its especially hard for me when I go to mass on Sundays,
I cannot be there for one minute without crying. as much as I try,
I just remember him and cannot stop. sometimes to help me through
the days, my mind just blocks him and that terrible week off my head,
but when I go the mass, it all comes back to me. and then there are
some days like today, which I do nothing but think about him, at work,
in the streetcars, everywhere, and I just want to cry, and cry and ask
God WHY?
 So, every night I say a Hail Mary for my beautiful father,
and ask God to take care of him, and to tell him that I love him and
miss him.
 marie