Dad, you have been gone for 3 years now and it only seems like yesterday. There are so many words of wisdom you gave me but I never took the time to understand. I am with regret now that my personal issues with you were never discussed with you. I realize now that I am not responsible for what you did to me when I was little. At your funeral, all of your friends came. They would speak of the wonderful man you were, but I knew you differently. I am only now realizing what impact you have had on my life especially with intimate relationships. I wish you never touched me. I hate myself for not putting up a fight, but I was a little girl and didnt know any better. I have come to terms with our secret relationship but I still cannot forgive you. I want to, but I cant. I regret that I didnt push to know more about my adoption and how I came to be a member of your family. I walk around like a question mark enveying all who know their back ground and where they come from. Why didnt we have that open communication all those years. I realize now that I was scared of you. I want to remember you the way your friends do. Maybe sometime when my time comes, I will have all the answers I seek, until then I walk along without direction. I sincerely hope you "went to the good place" so I can meet up with you to get the answers I seek.
Fri Nov 26 22:30:00 1999 back to other Contributions page