On April 26, 1996 I lost Cynthia, my sister, my bestfriend, my strength, and my rock to the battle of cancer. She was diagnosed on May 29, 1995 with mastatic breast cancer. After 6 months of chemotherapy, I saw life improve back to near normal. Oh what a Holiday Season we had! Her last chemotherapy ended on November 14, 1995, she returned to the University of Arkansas where she was working toward a Masters in Elementary Education. Then the changes began: not feeling too good - hurting in the back - lack of happiness - something was going wrong - really wrong! We went back to the onocologist for more testing and scans! Oh how she hated test! Cancer of the spine! This time we went for radiation to help ease the pain in March - and then we began to notice knots under the skin - and again chemotherapy - she had one dose of chemotherapy but her heart simply could not keep the fluid off her lungs - She began to have trouble breathing - In the hospital we went and to our surprise released - Only to be home for four days when she simply could not breathe - back to the hospital to drain the lungs - 1600 ml of fluid off one lung - the other lung was to be drained April 27..... Never any complaing from Cynthia - never any question on "why me" --- Always smiling when I knew she was hurting - Only disgrace from the cancer again taking away her livelihood. She told me for a few weeks she was tired, but I tried to reassure her she just needed rest - Now she has rest and I must try to figure out how to live without her - We did not have your ususal sister relationship - we were companions and now I'm lost. The only hope that carries me through the day is that if I can live my life half as good as Cynthia did I hope to see and be with her forever in heaven. Oh this loneliness, Oh this sadness - Will it ever get better, or will I just learn to live with in my heart and not on my face.

-- Connie [CVICK=at=SYFSB.UARK.EDU]
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